Does this involve your fantabulously painted Tau?

Before I tell the story, I shall post two lists - one 2000 points for the first day, and another for 2500 points. These will be referenced occasionally.

2000 (1996) point list for the First Day.

Commander Longknife 160
2x Shield Drones 30

6x Fire Warriors 60
Devilfish w/ Disruption Pod 85
6x Fire Warriors 60
Devilfish w/ Disruption Pod 85
6x Fire Warriors 60
Devilfish w/ Disruption Pod 85

3x XV-9 225
3x Shield Gen 75
6x Phaser 60

2x Tetra 100
2x Targeting Array 10

8x Pathfinders 96
Devilfish 80

Hammerhead 90
Railgun 50, Disruption Pod 5, Burst Cannons 10, Multitracker 10

3x Broadsides 210
2x Target Lock 10, Drone Controller w/ 2 Shield Drone 30

3x XV-8 75
3x Missile Pod 36, 3x Plasma Rifle, 60, 3x Multitracker 15

2x XV-8 50
2x Missile Pod 24, 2x Plasma Rifle, 40, 2x Multitracker 10

>two chancit

>>11984108

To an extent.

2500 (2498) point list for the Second Day.

Commander O'Rly 225

6x Fire Warriors 60
Devilfish w/ Disruption Pod 85
6x Fire Warriors 60
Devilfish w/ Disruption Pod 85
6x Fire Warriors 60
Devilfish w/ Disruption Pod 85

3x XV-9 225
3x Shield Gen 75
6x Cascade 90

2x Tetra 100
2x Targeting Array 10

8x Pathfinders 96
Devilfish w/ Disruption Pod 85

Hammerhead 90
Railgun 50, Disruption Pod 5, Burst Cannons 10, Multitracker 10

Hammerhead 90
Railgun 50, Disruption Pod 5, Burst Cannons 10, Multitracker 10

3x Broadsides 210
2x Target Lock 10, Drone Controller w/ 2 Shield Drone 30

3x XV-8 75
3x Missile Pod 36, 3x Plasma Rifle, 60, 3x Multitracker 15

3x XV-8 75
3x Missile Pod 36, 3x Plasma Rifle, 60, 3x Multitracker 15

4x Stealth Guys 120
4x Targeting Array 40

I shall now begin the story.

>drilling accountable

Some of the people involved happened to also be in my Rogue Trader game indicated in brackets, and will be referred to as such. Others will be randomly assigned a name from the Rogue Trader book, indicated in parentheses.

So there I am, Saturday morning, sleeping off the previous night's Pimps In Space game. It's about 7:00 AM when my phone rings. All I could think of at the moment was how much I hated the caller.

"Who this."
"Yo, it's [Seneschal]."
"Why are you making me exist at this hour?"
"You want to be in a 40k tournament?"
"...really? You woke me up for that?"
"Yeah."
"Do they allow Forge World?"
"Yeah."
"...fine. Just give me a moment."
I hear a car beep outside.
"Hurry up, we're taking (Navigator)'s van."
"You knew I'd say yes."

So I got dressed, grabbed my warhams, and headed out the door.

>unnath 53,

So I get to the van, and there is Navigator, Seneschal, [Arch Militant], [Voidmaster], and (Astropath).

"You might want to draft up a list," they go as I toss my warhams in back.
"How much?"
"2000 points. Navigator will be judging, so he'll fill you in."

So I draft a quick list, and I decide to use this as a testing ground for my XV-9s and whatnot. after about 10 minutes of explaining the rules of this tournament, and other minutae, we are off to one of the suburbs of Orlando. Just before I fell asleep for the trip down, something occurred to me.

"Wait, does this cost anything?"
"Yeah, 30 bucks," said Navigator.
"I don't have any money, son."
"Don't worry. Voidmaster paid your way," said Arch Militant.
I turned to her.
"How nice. This mean I owe you dinner or something?"
"Just shut up and win."

And with that, I took a short nap until we reached the tournament location.

>switch-1 alnuited

All names were changed to protect the identity of the people involved.

Viewers are advised to have children leave the room as some of the following content may be unsuitable for them. Viewer discretion is advised.

They wake me up, and we all head into the building. It's a decently sized place, one of those places that rents out rooms for people to use for community events. I look around, and there's a fair bit of people. Looks like room for about 4 or 5 games to go on simultaneously.

Official announcement begins. The way it works is for the initial rounds, you're scored only on whether or not you won, with large multipliers for winning / losing, and a smaller multiplier for soft shit like sportsmanship. "So I can't be a TOTAL dick," I made a mental note to myself. The rest of the rules were on a 3 or 4 page handout that nobody bothered to read. Hell, I didn't even read it.

We were then randomly assigned our opponents from a lottery system. I was in with my Tau, and Astropath was using his Spess Wulves. I waited for my first opponent.

The lottery showed up Imperial Guard.

>Library suithedi

So the Guard player looks like a decent person, slightly older then I am, and we start setup. Looks like he's running meltavets and valkyries, with shitloads of tanks. Hmm. I begin laying out my guys, and he stops me.

"Wait, we can use Forge World?"
"Yeah. Nothing in the rules that say you can't."
"Oh, mind if I switch out my list?"
"Nah, go ahead. Might want to pass it through the judges first, though."

So we get a judge over, the new list is cleared pretty quickly, and we're off. I chose first turn.

Along with the meltavets and valkyries, there's also now a number of fixed artillery and a couple Destroyer Tank Hunters. I decide to hold my suits in reserve. I knew in this case, I had no chance of winning an objectives game so I had to pop his guys as best I could. The first turn, I focus on popping as many of his metal bawkses as fast as I can. I pop a some of them, and generally just go full anti-armor with the pathfinders laying markerlights down. The Destroyer pops one of my transports.

Next turn, I deep strike my XV-8 teams in the rear, and my XV-9 teams in the center. Everything goes decently, though one team of XV-8s scatters a bit too far. My XV-8s start raping artillery, while the XV-9s spread their special message of hello to the exposed meltavets. He Creeds a demolisher and pops my hammerhead.

My XV-8s continue their rampage in his rear lines, although I end up losing a team due to the sheer amount of shelling. My XV-9s rush over and fill the command squad up with phaser (love rending) while being babied by the Tetras. Rest of the game went pretty decently on my end, with the Broadsides pretty much destroying everything. I ended up with a victory, though no Decimation or anything.

>shainded 'Luke'

Bumpan

moarrr

That took about an hour and a half. Next game was up against a girl with Tyranids (enforcing the stereotype). It seemed to be a ninja list, with a lot of Lictors, Raveners, Genestealers, Mawlocs, and whatnot, led by a Malanthrope. God, was that thing annoying. I decided to field almost everything, since there didn't seem to be much held in reserve. I did, however, keep my commander and a 2 man XV-8 squad in reserve. Again, I get first turn. However, she calls out my Commander for Deathleaper's LD bullshit.

Game starts, and there is a fair bit on the field. My hammerhead starts shotgunning hordes of genestealers, and my tetras feed the markerlight addiction of my XV-9s. Broadsides get a few wounds on the Malanthrope, but its 3++ save helped it. She pops some of my transports, and I figure those guys are done. Most of the army is now close enough to reach out and touch.

Next turn I drop in my other XV-8 squad and my commander in back. the 2 XV-8s try to shoot the Malanthrope but fail to do anything. Commander scores a third wound on the Malanthrope. Again, more shotgunning, and I pop some more genestealers. Broadsides decide to nuke a nearby squad of warriors. Suddenly, there are guys everywhere. Lictors and Raveners in a board where there was a fair bit of cover. The lictors wipe my exposed fire warriors, and the raveners start the trek to my battlesuits. A Mawloc pops up to try and eat my XV-9s, and I lose one. She also moves Deathleaper out of cover after my commander (laughing mahmoud.jpg).

While the raveners are still going toward the broadsides, I let loose with the broadsides and XV-9s and rend the first Mawloc to death. I send my hammerhead against the raveners, but fail to do much because of cover. I send my commander after Deathleaper. Two plasma shots, two wounds. These people don't know me, else they'd know I do some crazy shit sometimes. I charge Deathleaper with my commander.

>dawnyted circulatory

Deathleaper gets its 4 attacks, rolls 3 hits, and rends on two. I make the 3+ invuln for the rendings, but fail the normal attack. I have make my 5 attacks, only 2 get through, but Deathleaper fails one save. I couldn't help but laugh as my commander punched Deathleaper to death. She didn't look too happy, and ate my Commander with her Malanthrope. The other 2 XV-8s then finished it off.

The rest of the game went by difficult, but I ended up pulling a close victory. I felt mad special.

>532 smenneck

>>11984860
>>11984851
That is an awesomely heroic moment for the Tau Commander and deserves in-character writefaggotry.

>>11984851
>tau
>charging into melee

Ohshitniggerwhatareyoudoing.jpg

>>11984928

To be fair it's not a bad decision, it stops them from getting the charge bonus on you and they also can't soften you up with any ranged weapons they feel like pointing your way. You'll generally end up in melee one way or the other.

Third game is up. I'm against Dark Eldar. I breathed a sigh of relief. My very first games when I started 40k were against Dark Eldar, and I know them quite well.

I field everything. Unfortunately, I failed the turn roll, and got second.

Suddenly Raiders, Raiders everywhere, up in my grill. I pop almost of them with my XV-8s, and I liquefied a squad of Wyches with my XV-9s. My broadsides focused on an incoming Talos. I hate those things. My hammerhead took down a Ravager, while I drove my fire warriors the fuck away from the incoming hate train. His archon eats fire like candy because of his 2++ shield.

Next turn the Archon drops portal, and suddenly there's like wyches and shit everywhere. However, considering I took out most of his heavy stuff the first round, I weathered the second well enough, though I lost my hammerhead and two of the transports to dark lances. I mopped up most of the new things, popped the rest of the vehicles with my broadsides, and generally continued feeding my XV-9s. My commander got a lucky shot on the archon and instagibbed it.

Third turn was just a couple assaults, a couple of Fire Warrior squads with new anuses, and the last death spasms of some Dark Eldar. I mopped them up, and managed to score a major victory.

I then packed up my stuff, and the organizers said to show up tomorrow to see if we made it to the final, and to have a 2500 point list ready. I pack my shit, and head back to Daytona with the homies.

>interpretations coresp

Man, playing Tau in table top seems like it'd be a lot of fun. But W40k in generally is just such a time and money sink. I pretty much have to stick to Dawn of War. :(

>>11985035

There's always vassal, bro. It's not the same thing at all eyecandy-wise but you can learn things.

About 1 AM, I get a call from Navigator. He tells me that I made it to the finals, just barely. I ask him if he knows who else made it in. He said it was either Astropath, some other guy who played spess mehreens and didn't face any Forge World armies, or a third guy playing Blood Angels with Lucius Dreadpods. He wasn't sure. So I made my list assuming some flavor of Spess Mehreens. I hoped it would be Astropath, but I went to sleep, and my body was ready for any of the three.

>ECCE carack

>>11985035
Tell me about it. Just skimmed an Imperial Armour book and damn those are some nice tanks they got. Sticking to RPGs is cheaper though and can probably homebrew something similar anyways.

Next morning, again we all pile into the magic van. My knee happens to be acting up that day, so I grabbed my cane. Before we leave, Navigator says to bring my laptop and some music. The finale will be a bit theatrical, and he wants to play some music depending on who's winning. I laugh, and give him some suggestions on what to use. I gather my list, and masking tape some more bits of dakka to my XV-9s to differentiate the phaser model from the Cascade model.

Upon arriving at the center, we sit through a small ceremony where the winners are shown off. Turns out I narrowly scraped through because the Guard guy gave me high sportsmanship because I let him change his list. We get up on stage, I pass Voidmaster my cane, and then I saw my opponent.

This red headed white dude must have been at least 400 lbs, smelled like dead ass and dirt, and had some green crap in his neckbeard and a red stain on his shirt. He turns and sneers at me, for playing Tau.

They wish us good luck, and tell us to make a 2500 point list. Fatass laughs at me afterwards, saying how my Tau have nothing on his undefeated Ultramarines.

Oh glee.

>amusements,' oarsidly

>>11985169
The plot thickens.

>>11985169
>Ultramarines

Please tell me this is the neckbeard you make cry

>>11985169
Oh this sounds like it will be fun.

We get our lists together, and I finally get a good look at Fatass. His hair isn't red. Whatever stained his shirt also stained his HEAD. He is still laughing at me, and he deploys his Ultrines.

...he deploys a goddamn gunline. Silly bitch, you do not gunline me. He is bragging about how he doesn't even need rhinos or transports to beat my "outdated codex."

Now let me tell you all something. I am not a great commander, not by far. Most of my victories come from the shock and awe of my Forge World guys, which send a mental message of confusion and unpreparedness.

And I am a master of Shock and Awe.

>be tharnes

I CAN'T F5 ANY HARDER DAMNIT!

>>11985169

>cane

How old are you? Or alternatively, what hit your knee/your knee hit at a high speed?

>>11985244
He's actually House. It all makes sense once you think about it.

>>11985244

I imagine he's 85 years old and still plays and paints 40k like a champ.

>>11985244

Seven years ago, in my high school years I slipped on a flight of stairs. Midair, I tried to correct myself, and saw the ground approaching. I tried to take it all awesome like, land on the ground, do a tactical roll, and then spout out a witty one liner.

What really happened was I panicked last minute, broke my fall with my knee, liquefied it and OH AUN THE PAIN. My stubbornness prevented my from going to a doctor, and it did not heal right. There will be days I can't walk without my cane.

I shall now continue with the story.

>scamazy Colbert.

>>11985289

I started thinking about it, but my brain exploded due to awesomeness.

>cane
Either my suspension of disbelief falters, or my respect for you does.

My brain can't decide which.

>>11985324
>respect faltering because he has trouble walking

Way to be an asshole, bro.

>>11985324
What, you don't believe he has a cane, you don't believe he hurt his knee you don't respect him because he got hurt/uses a cane, not a walking stick?

>>11985244
I'm only 24 and I likewise have a cane for knee issues. Mine was a 80something MPH baseball to the side of my knee, and now the kneecap sits off the left. I don't use my cane often, thankfully, but I have it just in case.

>>11985305

I feel you man. Did something rather similar when i was a kid. Was playing tag with some friends, jumped off a high piece of play equipment that i shouldn't have all FUCK YEAR like. I landed roughly onto the sand, but nothing too bad. Problem was, the guy chasing me did the same, and landed on my femur and bam, had to get rehabilitated because i couldn't walk for so long. Luckily i dont require a cane, but there are some days where it'll suddenly start hurting like somebody has jammed me with a red hot iron poker for some time.

So we begin the game. And then Fatass sees my Tetras. He flips a bitchfit, screaming about the Forge World guys. He even calls the judge over. Lucky for me, they send over Navigator.

"My opponent is cheating!" he yells, spittle flying everywhere.
"I don't see a problem."
Fatass points [petulantly?] at the Tetras.
"So?"
"Those are Forge World!"
"No rule against Forge World."
"But..."
"Why do you think we woke him up?"
"I still haven't forgiven you all for that," I interjected.
"You're winning, right? Just shut up and continue the match," Navigator said as he walked off.

Fatass is now beginning to breathe hard.

>262. otheew

/tg/ - leg problems

>>11985324

cool faggotry bro

Based on Shas' personality, I'm just inclined to believe he uses it for aesthetics.

I am reading this thread in this guy's voice

>>11985405
/tg/ - tendons gone

ITT- haters jealous because they desperately want to be badass enough to pull off a cane, but can't because they don't have bum legs and they'd look like douches.

I had a college professor with a cane who taught folklore and sociology, under the excuse that 'the voodoo practitioners and the african folk religions throw the best parties.' When you've seen a video of some random skinny ghanian possessed by his tribal bacchal party god and go around blacked out drunk tossing back everything and groping all the women, then passing out and returning to consciousness stone stober 2 minutes later, you start to think, "fuck, prof was right about the parties."

He used to tell the class, "the only fun part about having bad legs and getting old is that you get to use a cane and look cool as hell."

He was a man of wisdom.


ANYWAYS

Lets here more about this arrogant neckbeard and his karmically appropriate ultrines getting the beating they both richly deserve.

>>11985476

/tg/ - terrible gnees

>>11985441

A cane is for aesthetics, its the whole fucking point of a cane. What looks better, a cane or a crutch? Now what performs the job better of taking weight off a leg, a cane or a crutch? How many people with a bum leg are going to buy a crutch for it?

Just because its for aesthetics doesn't mean he doesn't need it.

>>11985476
/tg/-It's cool, I'll shrug it off...oh fuck this hurts fuck I am and dumbass fuck.

>>11985490

Everybody always has that one badass professor.

It is basically my life's goal to be that professor.

So that I can be awesome all of the time.

>>11985454
Hell ya works well with the story. OP sounds very claim and collected. But also sounds like he has a pair between his legs. Good job op so far great story which has kept me from going to bed.

>>11985405
>>11985476
>>11985493
>>11985498

Oh god, what have I started!?

But please continue, I can't wait to hear what happens next.

>throject same

>>11985504

If i can get into uni doing the class i want, and my leg gets any worse, i might just end up being one of them.

>>11985441
>Based on Shas' faggotry, I'm just inclined to believe he uses it for aesthetics.
That's how I read that comment at first.

Don't get me wrong, he's faggotry is quite entertaining. So I don't look at it as a bad thing, it just "is".

So now the match REALLY begins. I am going, unfortunately, second. The music at the time is some stuff from Chaos Gate. Fatass snipes at my guys with his lascannons and only manages to stun my hammerhead. He marches his tac squads and other guys on foot forward. At this point, I pop some Land Speeders with my XV-8 suits, and a land raider with my Broadsides. I shotgun a tac squad, but fail to do anything. Hammerhead gets a wound on his Papa Smurf. My Stealth guys start moving behind his lines, and I generally just derp about with my Fire Warriors.

Next turn, he continues advancing, and his Librarian Gates a squad of termies in front of my guys. He's got his sneer back on. On my go, I finally initiate Shock and Awe.

>yarmoll all

>>11985495

Crutches might take weight off a leg better, but it's not like his leg is full-time injured. I've never seen someone use crutches without something actually being broken at the time. A walking stick seems more reasonable to use, without even considering aesthetics.

Shas please deliver i have to go back to work in 10 minutes and this post has made my day.

When I found out that the butthurt victim of this drama was going to be an ultramarine or an unhygienic asspie that brought it upon himself, I was overflowing with joy to find that I wouldn't have to pick between the two, it would be BOTH!

I'll never understand why people can't play something for fun without shit talking.

I understand if someone starts shit talking you, and you want to troll them for being a douche, but god damn.

Maybe I'm just not a big enough ass hole to start off a game with "I'm gonna own your faggy bad army."

You will now and forever think of this old fart cane when you hear or read Shas'o R'myr's name.

>/tg/ - PHD's in Physiology

Quit arguing, its storytime.

>>11985610
hmm, not quite my friend

Navigator gets the message, and actually plays some music from Red Alert 3, specifically I hear Shock and Awe.

O'Rly, a squad of Cascade XV-9s, and a squad of XV-8s now deep strike between the line he made with his Devastators and the line he made with his Tactical squad. The Cascade XV-9s, supported by the Tetras, decimate an entire tactical squad. The XV-8 squad hammers into another, hitting it hard. I roll up my Fire Warriors, unload, and finish off that squad. The broadsides fire into Papa Smurf leaving him with one wound, and O'Rly fixes that with his Hyper Density Sabot. I turn my two hammerheads at the Termie/Libby squad, and remove that problem pretty handily. My stealth team gets into position and starts trolling his Devastators.

Fatass at this point is hyperventilating.

>are zurgeogr

>>11985610
Really? I pictured him modding a normal cane into a Phase Rifle so...well, pic related.

>>11985585
I found the best way to fuck with them without being a dick is to get REALLY quiet, say nothing and put on a serious face. That will fuck with a lot of guys like that, especially if the EXPECT you to shit talk back.

Bonus is that is that is also allows you to ignore them really easily because you don't have to listen to them either.

Unrelated to the topic at hand, but is it just me, or does Castro look like Seth Macfarlane?

>>11985621
Your bullshit has been destroyed

>>11985675

>>11985585
Now wait a sec, This depends on who your playing. Friends its fun to shit talk each other in a game, but this guy sounds like typical "that guy". I know I am a little high strung and sometimes its just a natural thing for me to talk shit with out thinking about it. But I do try and hold a certain professionalism when playing tournament. People always remember the douche bags.

And yes I am a neckbeard but a very clean one. And at one time I was "that guy" till I got older

>>11985613
/tg/ - if the story isn't amusing enough, we'll find ways to amuse ourselves

>>11985714
more like, if the motherfucker can't post fast enough we'll amuse ourselves.

I like the story, it;s just that I have the attention span of a five year old.

>>11985714

its more than amusing enough, just he's taking his time.

Also, what does R'myr do around here anyway?

>>11985713
I've been looking for that image. I made it a long time ago but lost the jpg and psd file!

>>11985713
>Friends its fun to shit talk each other in a game
Yes and this is a different situation all together. I'm talking about strangers.

But even friends sometimes are guilty of it falling into "THAT GUY" territory.

>>11985714
>implying that the story isn't amusing enough or that the derailment is amusing at all

>>11985714

The story is definitely amusing enough. But this douchebag is taking llike 45 minutes to type up two paragraphs.

Fuck, do the typing beforehand.

>>11985739
Shas is the finest miniature painter on /tg/.

>>11985730
I think he's going into too much detail of the actual game itself. That's why it lost my attention.

>>11985758
Oh, I'll need to remember that.

I'm getting ready to order all my supplies to paint my first army. And yeah, THIN YOUR PAINTS.

>>11985758
I'd like to see some evidence of this.

>>11985756
>do the typing beforehand.
Seconded.

>>11985756
For a thread like this I agree.

But the best writefaggotry tends to be a spontaneous effort, where typing it up beforehand destroys the momentum, or at least the context.

Fatass calls in the judge yet again, and claims I am somehow cheating. We check the rules (It helps I supplied Navigator with them all beforehand), and I am perfectly fine. He is raging.

Fatass moves his Tac Squads forward, and blows my transports with his Devastators. His Tac Squads, however, are too far to assault, so he just fires, and I take trivial losses. Upon my go, O'rly joins the XV-9s and continues his roflstomping rampage against the tac squads, even assaulting a squad (though it had one guy left in it). XV-8s finish the other squad, and my pathfinders drop enough markers to remove the devastators' cover saves

The rest of the game goes on, to the point I break off O'Rly from the squad and leave him in the center. All the tac squads are dead, land speeders and land raiders are dead, other things are dead, and all that is left by the end is a pair of Devastator squads. He tries to shoot my commander, when I say, "Roll to see him." Only one Devastator Squad can see him (Go Eclipse Generator). Fires the lascannon, and he woulds my commander.

"Instant death. Remove the model." He says, with this creepy ass forced glare-smile combo.
"Toughness 5. How about no."
He is turning red, and sweating enough to flood Pakistan all over again.

As I mop up the last of his devastator squads, removing cover saves thanks to Pathfinders and decimating them with battlesuits, Navigator switches to Get Down, the song from the Geico disco commercial.

And while I won't say that in my victory lap I led my audience in a rousing sing-along to further infuriate Fatass...

...I certainly won't say I didn't.

>ardeby Ecua

>>11985778
when we say miniature painter, we mean bullshit artist

>>11985788
So after beating the mentally challenged person, you ran around like a spaz chanting and rubbing it in?

Fail.

I'm not much of a Tau man but Shas you've made me respect the little blue communists.

Castro would be proud.

By the way, is there a link to your story from last night in the archives? I missed the end, I'm afraid.

Game, set, match.

At the awards ceremony, I ended up getting about $300 or so in cash, and a couple of models one of the sponsors was getting rid of. They happened to be bolter bitches. After the customary pats on the back and the general celebrations, we head back to the van.

I don't fucking want battle sisters. I turn to Voidmaster.
"Here. Merry Christmas."
"Oh, thanks. But I don't want these."
"Your problem now."

Just as we are packing our stuff, there comes Fatass, who followed us to the van.

>Fear extioush

>>11985745
Yep this can be true but . The group I mainly play with are all shit talkers and we tend to troll the hell out of each other. So its something I am use to. But I really do hate ultra neckbeards that have there moms drop them off and kiss them good bye then come in and act like bad asses.

I'm gonna have to go ahead and call a cool story bro on this one.

That being said, it actually is a cool story and has been an entertaining read.

>>11985860
You ain't bad ass enough to kiss your mother, bub?

>>11985852
>Just as we are packing our stuff, there comes Fatass, who followed us to the van.
I foresee a cane getting shoved up the ass.

>>11985852
>think it's over, that was disappointing.
but then
>there comes Fatass, who followed us to the van.
THE PLOT THICKENS.

"YOU CHEATING BASTARD!" He yells as he rushes up to me.
Navigator walks up. "What the hell, he didn't cheat."
"YOU DID, AND YOU KNOW IT. WHAT'S WRONG, HAVE TO CHEAT WITH FAKE MODELS TO WIN?"

Fatass was literally struggling to breathe and scream at the same time.

"I don't cheat, bro. Perhaps you should calm down a bit," I said. I did not want whatever stained him on me.
"ONE ON ONE, LET'S SEE YOU TAKE A FAIR FIGHT!"

I'm not about to hit this guy, he reminds me of my former fat roommate, who showed me that even in this day and age, it is still possible to get scurvy. Fatass charges me, that arm huddled pure mass charge that one simply sidesteps. And that is what I did. I'm not about to hit him. He charges back and forth a few times, and I simply get out of the way. My homies are actually starting to laugh.

And then he kicks my warhams toolbox.

>22 avacess

>>11985878

this. a fun read, but Shas somehow being less of an insufferable opponent than the illusory red-haired fatass is just a tad too much for my suspension of disbelief.

pic related, though

>>11985939
>And then he kicks my warhams toolbox.
Looks like he has some brains after all.

>>11985906
Haven't seen her in about a year brah. And I was never much of a hug and kiss mommy kid anyway. I am 24 only person I wanna kiss is my ol lady.

>>11985852

que tsun tsun make out session

>>11985939

...

No jury on /tg/ would convict you.

Warning: Brutal Murder follows.

>>11985966
>24
>my ol lady
something_is_terribly_wrong_here.jpg

>>11985939

>kicks my warhambox
spidermanaxe.png

>>11985939
>kicks my warhams box
ITSSLAUGHTERINGTIME.jpg

>>11985939
>And then he kicks my warhams toolbox.
This is the kind of shit makes me hesitant to go game with strangers. I'm a friendly guy, but I swear to god if someone got mad and broke my miniatures I'd lose it. I'd rather they dent my car.

>>11985992
this is the first GIS result for spidermanaxe.

I have no idea what you are talking about.

I just stop.

"What the fuck."

He kicks my warhams toolbox again, while doing that fatass sneer.

I walk over to him, but with surprising speed, he punches me in the gut. It didn't hurt much, more comparable to a pillow hit. But you don't fucking punch me. At this point I punch him straight in the face, and beat him cross-side the head with my cane. He falls over and rolls away after he trips on his own legs.

He's crying, Piter. He's crying. What does this mean?

At this point, Arch Militant grabs me, as all I can think about is beating this little bitch senseless. Fatass stumbles up, and begins to run away. Meanwhile I'm trying to break the hold and chase him.

After a few minutes, where everyone else needs to calm me down, we check through my guys. The vehicles are okay, as are the XV-8s. Major damage on the XV-9s, and O'rly's arm fell off. Nothing I can't fix, but I was unbelievably angry.

As we calmed down on the trip home, we were actually able to laugh about it, and I resolved to use the money to finally buy a proper sword. Upon reaching home, I clean the crap off my cane, and I begin the work of repairing my guys.

>istiffs expect

>>11985939
>>11985939

>>11985991
Ol lady in the south means girlfriend so sorry so use our dumbed down retarded speech. This doesn't mean I have a old lady fetish either.

Common op lets get down so I can sleep

>>And then he kicks my warhams toolbox.

Shit just got real.

Awesome, fa/tg/uy from Daytona. Gainesville over here, but I'm too poor for 40k

>>11986052

Texasfag here. I have never heard that term used, though granted, I got your meaning.

>>11986040

You know, the picture of spiderman holding an axe? From the 60s television show? Its posted all the time.

>>11986052

>This doesn't mean I have a old lady fetish either.

Iseenothingwrongwiththis.jpg

And that's all I have to say about that.

>you're tmatily

>>11986040
I almost jokingly posted that.

Butohwaityourserious-letmelaughharder.jpg

A good tale, And i do love to hear the people who make this hobby look shit get their arses handed to them on and off the board.

>>11986072
further east near-coastal middle of no where town. You hear all sorts of shit

>>11986042

somebody find R'myr a link to one of those sites that sell the sword in a cane.

>>11986042
>and beat him cross-side the head with my cane.
Congrats, you hit the guy with a cane for kicking a box full of plastic miniatures that you have no way of knowing if they were damaged or not. Now you look like just a big of a douche as the fatass was, if not bigger.

>>11986052
Uh, no it doesn't. Down here in the South, it means your wife and only if you've been married for a long time. Sometimes, it can mean your hand too.

I'm guessing it's the latter for you.

>>11986042
As soon as the cane was mentioned I knew some neckbeard was going to get whacked upside the head with it.

Not that Shas doesn't deserve to get beaten with it himself, too.

>>11986089
I'm glad your minis are alright.

Also bitchin' rap, nigga.

You my friend need to invest in a sword cane.

>>11986072
Michiganfag here and it made sense to me, in context.

So is anyone to speculate one what stained his hair red?

>>11986121

that fat shit punched him first you dumb shit. Why aren't you bitching about how some guy punched a guy with a cane because he lost a game?

>>11986109

http://www.coldsteel.com/swordcanes.html

>>11986121
>>11986123
Get the fuck out.

>>11986121
>Congrats, you hit the guy with a cane for kicking a box full of plastic miniatures that you have no way of knowing if they were damaged or not. Now you look like just a big of a douche as the fatass was, if not bigger

oh fuck you...somoen kicks my shit...anything of mine...with malicious intent..and im beating thier ass

not your shit to touch mother fucker...fuck with my shit and youll regret it

>>11986134
I wouldn't suggest that. They are highly illegal in most states.

>>11986121
One has to be married? FOR REAL MAN YOU CAN BE SERIOUS.

Beating a morbidly obese aspie with a blunt object for kicking your toys? Really /tg/?

>>11986040

>>11986178
I suppose if you have been in a relationship for over 10 years where you aren't legally married but pretty much act like it, then the phrase could apply too.

>>11986178
Damn right, man. I'm calling the Language Police and your ass is going downtown.

>>11986154
>Katana Sword Cane

I feel these are underrepresented in the current d20 systems.

I would think AT LEAST 2d8 Bludgeoning and 2d12 Slashing damage would properly represent their power. Also, no proficiencies required to wield one. If a cripple can, anyone can.

actually, i found it for you

http://www.swordcane.com/

>>11986177
If by most you mean some and by highly you mean a penalty enhancer for crimes committed.

>>11986189
>Beating a morbidly obese aspie with a blunt object for kicking your toys? Really /tg/?
No, that sounds just about like our /tg/.

>>11986193
I don't know why this makes me laugh so much.

And good tale Shas. I'm glad good triumphed over evil yet again.

>>11985089
Do you have a link?

>>11986171

The guy also punched him. Shas'o didn't lose it until he got punched by That Guy.

>>11986189

again, the faggot repeatedly tried to hit R'myr, and when R'myr stood still long enough he DID hit him you DENSE motherfucker.

and, once more, you don't seem to contest the fact that R'myr has to use a cane, and the fat shit is trying to beat on him.

>>11986214
No, I mean most states.

>>11986189
>>11986171
>>11986121

Hey guys, what is this IS the fatshit ultrafag?

>>11986253
Yet you aren't looking at how easily Shas dodged the guy like a ninja in the story. He shouldn't have used the cane.

>>11986121
You're forgetting the part where the fatass repeatedly tried to charge him.

>>11986133

They're mostly okay. Two of the XV-9s have crooked arms now, as they broke at the joints. O'Rly was able to be fixed relatively cleanly.

>>11986247
>>11986253

Despite my nature, I NEVER hit people until they hit me first. A sort of code I was taught, if you will. You never touch someone unless you're ready to start shit.

>shunned pecarcis

>>11986290
Then he/they'd be mentioning how canes are cheating and Tau are outdated or something. That's my guess.

>>11986299

I never said I dodged like a ninja. I simply said I stepped out of the way. When a large mass slowly gets started, it is relatively simple to take a sidestep, and relatively hard for them to adjust course.

I wasn't doing flips and shit.

>soetion did.12

>>11986308
>I NEVER hit people until they hit me first. A sort of code I was taught, if you will.
>You never touch someone unless you're ready to start shit.
Those two statements don't match up.

>>11986299
One; it's pretty obvious the fat 'tard had no idea what he was doing when he tried to charge Shas, ergo why he was able to dodge so easily even though he needed a cane.
Two; you're a fucking pussy. If someone attacks me, damn right if I have a blunt object in my hand I'm going to twat 'em one with it.

>>11986242

Sure thing. First link is for the main engine. I am having trouble finding the module online, but if someone provides a good file uploading site I can stick up the 5.1 module.

http://www.vassalengine.org/

>>11986299

No, thats not the point you see. Ultrafag had only known him for the match, hadn't seen him without his cane, for all he knows R'myr can't function properly without it. The fact he even tries to hit him in the first place is low.

>>11984108
Shas, is your army posted somewhere online so that we may look at it?

>>11986337
>Two; you're a fucking pussy. If someone attacks me, damn right if I have a blunt object in my hand I'm going to twat 'em one with it.
No, a pussy would use the blunt object. A MAN would drop it and only use his bare hands unless both men agreed to terms before the fight.

Toys that are legally half a grand if not more in price. And the attacker knew this. And can have charges pressed on you for the destruction of said valuables.

If you don't respect other people's property you deserve to get your ass kicked.

>>11986336

>I NEVER hit people until they hit me first. A sort of code I was taught, if you will.
>You never touch someone unless you're ready to start shit.

Consider two people. One is looking to start shit, the other is not. I myself am NEVER looking to start shit. But there are others who are confident in their abilities to start shit, and when one of said people throws down the gauntlet, one best be ready to back it up.

>scenery. sherwed

>>11986369
>only pussies use weapons to defend themselves!
Spare me your pseudo-John Wayne bullshit. This is not a fucking duel, in case you hadn't noticed.
You sound almost as bad as the Ultrafag.

>>11986360
>No, thats not the point you see. Ultrafag had only known him for the match, hadn't seen him without his cane, for all he knows R'myr can't function properly without it. The fact he even tries to hit him in the first place is low.
That still doesn't give him a reason for using the cane.

My point is that Shas had the right to use his cane which he did. But by using the cane, it was a very dishonorable act in doing so. He was fighting back like an animal and not like a man.

>>11986349

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=KQOXQWUH

Yes, its megaupload. Deal with it. Also, sure is troll in this thread. I wouldn't be concerned with the people saying Shas' was wrong in what he did.

>>11986368

I posted my entire army once before. Should I post it again?

>stagaus warrants.

>>11986400
This.

"Pseudo-honor" is not a factor of self defense.

>>11986415
>using man-made tools
>fighting like an animal
What planet do you come from, boy?

>>11986415
>dishonorable act
Sure is weeaboo in this thread.

>>11986375
>If you don't respect other people's property you deserve to get your ass kicked.
Sorry kid, but that isn't what the law says.

>>11986400
I can smell your autism from here.

>>11986415
>Like an animal.
>using a tool.

>>11986349
>>11986423
Thanks, fine gentlemen

>>11986437
>Nigga, don't know about apes fighting with sticks and bones

>>11986437

>>11986415

>fighting like an animal
>dishonorable

The fat shit charged at a man with a cane because he lost a game he man fought fairly.

I think that guy was right, this IS ultrafag.

>>11986445
>Sorry kid, but that isn't what the law says.
Nor did I say it did, son.

>>11986433
I, for one, would like to see it.

>>11986456
>man-made
>man-made
>man-made
>man-made

>>11986456

>sticks and bones
>man made

Jesus, your so stupid it HURTS to read.

>>11986483

VERY WELL.

IS YOUR BODY READY?

>tracria by

>>11986445
kid?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH~snort~HAHAHAHAHAHAHAgasp~

son I was out of the military before you were done sucking on your moms tit

and ya know what...dont really care what the law says. Im not willing to do something unless Im willing to accept the consiquences of it..so if my beating your ass for fucking with shit you should notbefucking with earns me a trip to jail...so be it

hell Ive allready taken a few rides in a police car cause some dumb mother fucker didnt know when they should get involed in something

>>11986434
It wasn't self defense. The fatfag stopped attacking Shas and went for the toolbox with minis. It was no longer self defense. Then Shas committed battery on the guy by hitting him with a cane.

1

>>11986445
They can't sue you if they can't make it to court....

>>11986415

You are a dumb nigger, if someone was trying to attack you, kicked your box containing $1000+ worth of fragile things twice, and then punched you, you would do the exact same fucking thing. Not just leave him alone and then later on congratulate yourself on how much of a fucking faggot you are for being a christfag who turned the other cheek.

Go fuck yourself.

>>11986501
So that means your in your early 40s?

>>11986498
I love the /tg/ /k/ overlap.

>>11986509

>I walk over to him, but with surprising speed, he punches me in the gut.

>>11986445
>implying reacting to an attack in a method that's been proved as an effective method of self-defence over retarded notions of "honor" and "fairness" is autistic, and not vice-versa

cool story troll

>>11986509
>It wasn't self defense. The fatfag stopped attacking Shas and went for the toolbox with minis. It was no longer self defense. Then Shas committed battery on the guy by hitting him with a cane.
Do you not read?

The ultrafag punched him before Shas touched him.

>>11986509
>It was no longer self defense.
And then it was self-defense again because the fat guy punched Shas'o...

2

>routign AL-Jamahariyya

>>11986522
No, I wouldn't have done the same thing. I would have tripped the guy as I was sidestepping his charges.

also, u mad?

>>11986509

EXCEPT, YOU KNOW, HE PUNCHED HIM IN THE GUT AFTER KICKING HIS BELONGINGS. WHAT PART OF THIS ARE YOU NOT GETTING?

>>11986509
You missed the punching part...You know, the thing Fatty McGee did right before getting to know R'myr's cane.

Reading comprehension. Yours sucks.

3

>Indan sulaily

>>11986415

>>He was fighting back like an animal and not like a man

>>using tool

>>animal

>>bare hands and teeth

>>human and honourable.

Nigga.... I think you just went full retard.

4

>MYSTICAL rutookh

>>11986529
yup

41

born in 1969

yeah..that about makes me one of the odest /tg/fags here

If only this was in wonderful Nippon and we could take this dishonourable dispute to the local Daimyo for his sage interpretation of the preceding events.

>>11986543
Not anymore. After Shas approached the guy and his toolbox with minis after the guy had already attacked him and backed off, it would no longer be self defense. Your best bet would be "in defense of property", but since this isn't land and only plastic minis, that shit wouldn't fly in court. At that point Shas would be just at fault.

>>11986543
Not to mention several court rulings have found that if the assaulting person remains in the area the assaulted has reason to believe their person is in danger and is in full rights to defend themselves from further assault.

>>11986580

And?

>>11986598
Actually since the price of those miniatures exceeds $1,000 it becomes a felony and it would fly in any court.

>>11986580
So you're 41 and willing to go to jail if somebody messed with your plastic toys? Son, I don't care how physically old you are, you need to grow up mentally and emotionally.

>>11986598

READ THE STORY

fat guy kicks box
Shas stops
fat guy kicks box again
Shas walks over
fat guy punches Shas

ITT we fail reading comprehension

>>11986603
>>11986598
i dont get it

Found the 5.2 module, but it's taking a while to upload.

Also, this pretty much sums it up
>>11986522

Great story thread ruined by retards. Wonderful.

>>11986598
> Not anymore. After Shas approached the guy and his toolbox with minis after the guy had already attacked him and backed off, it would no longer be self defense. Your best bet would be "in defense of property", but since this isn't land and only plastic minis, that shit wouldn't fly in court. At that point Shas would be just at fault.

I call troll, no one is this fucking dumb. Otherwise it's a child that's never been near a courtroom in his life.

>>11986598
>>11986615
>neckbeards trying to justify that their toy soldiers are worth something in court
I commend your effort and dedication, but please...

>>11986618
and you need to learn what it means to respect others property

whos the one who needs to grow up?

>>11986638

Assuming you're talking about vassal40k, vassal40k is up to 5.4.

>>11986641
Yes, we believe you haven't been near a court in your life.

>>11986618
>So you're 41 and willing to go to jail if somebody messed with your plastic toys? Son, I don't care how physically old you are, you need to grow up mentally and emotionally.
Property is property, and you'll go to jail for breaking expensive toys no mattery how silly you think it is.

>>11986646
I don't play Warhammer. I come here for dnd and I'm a MCSO so I'm not allowed a beard. Nice try, troll.

>>11986646

Material wealth will hold up in any court

>>11986638
http://rapidshare.com/files/417555664/V40k_V5-2.zip

>>11986641
Seconded

Even assuming the grognard did not punch Shas after starting to kick his shit, there is this whole thing in law called "defense of property".

"Insofar as an attack on property is a crime, reasonable force may be used to prevent the crime or to arrest the offender, whether it be theft of a sum of money or the damage of an object. "

As Shas apparently walks with a cane, he is obviously not completely physically sound, as such use of a cane as a weapon in this situation against an obvious agressor is perfectly defensible under defense of property. Especially since the ultrafag obviously didn't suffer any permanent damage.

>>11986659
>TROLOLOL I know you are but what am I?

Sure became /rules lawyers/ in here.

Just enjoy the fucking story.

>>11984094
>Of course, this being the Internet, you are free to imagine that I embellish details as you like, or take creative liberties. I will only tell it as I could see it.

Shas rushed him after fatty kicked his shit.
He goes for a strike against the head which fatty half blocks with his arm, half with his head.
Fatty falls to the ground, making pig whimpering sounds and Shas continually beats him.
Friends pull him off after several devastating blows letting fatty flop away crying.

Shas embellished it, seeing as he was filled with rage and couldn't think clearly.

>>11986651
Threatening to beat the shit out of other people who touch your property is NOT the same as respecting other's property.

But then you have the capacity of child so no wonder you automatically assumed I would not respect other's property by saying you're acting like a child.

>>11986653

Damnit, that would have been helpful earlier

Incidentally I am eating delicious fresh baked chocolate chip cookies right now with a side of fried hammerhead shark, while sipping some delicious tea. And I find this entire conversation hilarious.

>(ROI) baburt

>>11986720

>fried hammerhead shark

where the fuck do you live? And whats with the dictators?

>>11986509

You missed the whole "punching him in the gut" thing, didn't you.

IMO he did it right. Didn't hit the guy until he had to, and used just enough force to stop him without causing any actual harm. Just enough pain to get him to fuck off.

>>11986705
>Threatening to beat the shit out of other people who touch your property is NOT the same as respecting other's property.
No one suggested that was the case but keep spewing bullshit out of your mouth.

>>11986746

Right now? Daytona Beach. My roommate brought some hammerhead shark back from a fishing trip and shit be ballin'.

>eavison Nas.

>>11986780

I was going to say, anit that shit normally illegal?

>>11986746

>And whats with the dictators?

I think Shas'o has a thing for them.

This shit better be archived.

The entire thing. Shas.. I never really liked you, but at least now I will look at you as one of the tripfags who is moderately tolerable. Also your painting scheme for your army is awesome.

>>11986836

Nope, provided they are above the size limit. Or so he says.

>averyn Tx.

>>11986841
I think it's because political leaders are so emotive.

>>11986836
You gonna tell the cops about this?

>>11986871

Yes, im going to tell the cops about a stranger on the internet may have been eating possibly illegal fish.

I was just curious how he got it.

>>11986854

I'm actually considering STORY TIME every week, where I would discuss what goes on in my Pimps in Space game.

>lovicy is

>>11986905

This would please me.

>>11986905
thatmakesmemoist.jpg

>>11986905

Yes please

>>11986931

c.s.goto.jpg

>>11986905
I hope so. It's nice to see something that's not meant to induce rage on /tg/ every once in a while.

>>11986981

EVERYTHING induces rage on /tg/!

>Lopez lidecous

Did someone archive yet?

>>11986514
>>11986549
>>11986563
>>11986575
Nice army, and a perfect example of why I didn't get into Tau...I don't want to spend as much as you obviously have. ;)

But Shas, TWO Mantas and no Orca? Mantas are pimp as fuck, I grant you. But damn.

>>11986780
you truly are awesome Shas

>>11987055

Those are just Tiger Shark A-X-1-0s, with the fuckbuster railguns. Orcas are the next step up.

And Mantas are $1500, 3 feet wide, 2 feet long, and 1 foot tall.

And I only paid for one of those Tiger Sharks. Forge World sent me a free one after the first one was fucked up.

>talk roklisar

>>11986720
Oh Shas', u so crazy

>>11987081

>Forge World sent me a free one

WHY CAN'T I EVER BE SO LUCKY

>>11987081
Ah, well then I am dumb, plus your army doesn't look like the price of my motorcycle anymore. =) Still fucking nice though.

I haven't even painted any of my GK or put together my Land Raiders yet. Bought it all and then became a WoWfag for about a year. =(

I am recovered now, but after hearing that GK are supposed to get a new codex soon it is time to get that shit put together and painted. Thankfully GW paints appear to last WAY better than they used to and all of the shit I bough last year seems to be just fine.

Anyway, really like that Tau army you got there. I still really want to see a Manta. lol

>plarmie from

>>11987168
Forge World/Games Workshop Customer Service is god-tier.

>>11987184

So do I. But I will wait until I become Full Engineer for one of those.

>swiney caste,

Shas, I think I love you.

I'm going to have to show this story to my friend who plays Tau.

>>11987449
Be careful, he might start beating on retards without provocation!

Man, I'm so glad you don't use that horrible non-metallic metal shit all over the place. I can't be sure from that distance you aren't using it period, though. I don't know why people do that, it's just plain bad-looking.

>>11986854
>painting scheme
Samples?

>>11984094

Read your story, won $300...maybe you should finally go about FIXING YOUR SAIGA 12 so it doesn't have the lame sporting stock.

Or do you just wish you lived in California, cause your gun looks all Californian.