That one time my rogue sneaked upon the BBEG and inflicted 1d8+5d6+3 damage.

Assassin with camocloak in Dark Heresy. Hunting Rifle with a telescopic sight, silencer, and Manstopper Rounds.

400 meters, aim for full action, fire, kill a man. Conceal self. Repeat ad infinitum until about six or seven guys all lie dead.

I was playing a disguised shadow dancer drow assassin with epic bluff, and I was at a party with the guy i was meant to assassinate. I cast darkness, shadow jumped over to him, shanked him to hell and put a bag of devouring over his head, then shadow jumped away before the lights came back. Later managed to get the guards to giveme my dagger back without them getting suspicious. Good Times.

Half Orc rogue/barbarian the smash sneak attacked with a greataxe

3.0 DM ruled that with a 50 hide/ move silently I could sneak up on something with blindsight.
6 attacks (two weapon user) 1d6+8d8+5 per hit.
One very pissed linwyrm. Then a rather dead one.

I once snuck-attack a shoplifting jackass with a tree. Hear me out:

I worked at a supermarket between the ages of 17 and 22. One christmas, '00 I believe, maybe '01. I got stuck with the job of unwrapping christas trees and setting them in front of the Winn Dixie supermarket for display. I'm just finishing my fifth tree (each tree being about 6 feet tall, 4 inches shorter than me) when I hear one of my managers yelling "stop! thief! Stop him!" Not knowing what else to do, I picked up the tree, and just as he was running through the exit I spun my whole body around, arms extended, tree held vertical. Needless to say, I caught him full-body. Stunned and confused as to where the sudden forest came from, he stumbled backwards, tripped, and fell flat on his back. I proceeded to set the flat bottom of the trunk in the center of his chest and press gently down on it with my body weight. Needless to say, he sat there staring blankly upward, not understanding what was going on, while my coworkers stood slack-jawed at me. Eventually, Big John and the manager came over and hustled the chump into the office to wait for the cops. Zero-tolerance on shoplifters, and all that. The kicker? Chump did six months in jail and got hit with a tree, all over an armful of photos he stole from the photo lab. Maybe $250 value, total. Just picked up an armful and ran, didn't even know whose they were. Sad really. So, yeah. Sneak attack someone with a tree. That's kinda epic. The funny thing? Later that day I bought a copy of the Sword and Fist book for DnD 3.0. The equipment section had an entry for Cabers. The quote underneath it: "He hit me! With a tree!". I laughed for hours. Best splatbook I ever bought, just for the memory.

>>11901269
THREAD
FUCKING
OVER

Our rogue always gets bonked down to negative HP, healed up, and then manages to perform a sneak attack and get killing blow on any big mean guys we are fighting.

EVERY

FUCKING

TIME

>>11901269
>>11901389

>>11901269
>snuck-attack a shoplifting jackass with a tree

Holy shit. I don't even need to read the rest to know you just pulled an Epic Maneuver.

>>11901269
Kind of peripheral to the fuckawesome story, but if you're six four and hitting mofos with trees, how the fuck big was Big John?

>>11901581
This. or was it some sort of ironic name, with John being a tiny?

>>11901581
6 foot 2, but had 200 pounds on me at the time (I was about 185). I' not that strong. Stronger than I look, certainly, but I don't look all that strong either. Like I said, they weren't big trees.

>>11901460
no, not a samefag.

>>11901269
HOLY FUCKING SHIT. THAT'S BOSS!

Not as epic as our local lumberjack, but I'll play along.

I used to be a paranoid motherfucker, and some habits never left. I face the entrance when sitting in public places, mark the exits, all that shit. I also don't like to play fair when shit goes down. I am willing to do what I have to in order to protect me and mine, and if that means taking my car key and putting it in your eye, I will.

So, some years back, when I was out at the bar with my g/f of the time, I kept an eye on her as she left for the bathroom. On her way back out, I saw her get stopped by some guy. Seemed friendly at first, so I didn't care much. He got aggressive quick, though. Maybe she mouthed off about something (she was kind of a bitch), but that didn't give him the right to put hands on her in either of the ways he was.

I keep my keys on a fairly large carabiner. Got it for free from some military recruiter. It's just large enough for me to fit my fingers inside of it and make a closed fist, making a fairly effective improvised knuckleduster. When he shoved her again, I made my way over and gave him a light tap on his shoulder--didn't want him to be on his defensive when he turned around. Which he did, chin-first, into my fist with that bit of steel around it. There was some snapping, and he dropped like a sack of dead fish. I scooped up my girl and left.

>feelsgoodman.jpeg

>>11902169

Niiiiiice.

>>11902169
This is also epic win.

Not as epic as the 'SNEAK ATTACK WITH TREE' story, but still, win that is sufficient to place you above me in the fa/tg/uy hierarchy.

>>11902169
I've got a pretty similar story. I had a group of friends I used to hang out with at the local park. The park closes at dark, so we moved nearby to a bigg's parking lot.

at one point through the night, a pair of shithead wannabe gangstas come over and start talkin to a few of our folks. No big deal so far. One of them started gettin a little too frisky with one of our lady friends. I came up behind thug 1, thug 2 motioned to me. Thug 1 turned around. In one motion I clasped his head between my hands and headbutted him square in the face.

Knock out.

Thug 2 didn't try anything. Just left, dragging his buddy away.

>>11902169
very nice. In my opinion, that's actually more impressive than my anecdote, seeing as your antagonist actually lost consciousness, and the amount of damage you actually did. Kudos.

Saved for posterity.

>>11902754
Why do I imagine some big hairy guy draggin away a body with blood trailing behind. IT DOES NOT FIT!

>>11901269
My neighbors just hit the wall screaming to shut up (too much funny).

>> conceals houstry
Haha, you got it, captha.

>>11902872

>>11901269

>>11901269

Ugh, unloading Christmas trees, had to do that when I worked at Lowe's. One of the messiest, coldest, wettest and dirtiest things I had to do. And the 10' trees were an absolute bitch.

>flaming WITHOUT
Definitely no flaming in here.

>>11902782
Yeah, but I botched the actual headbutt. Had a little headache and a small knot on my head afterward.

In hindsight, a simple punch would've been fine too.

is that you Matt? class 7-10?

In our D&D campaign, the BBEG was trying to escape with a little over 1/3rd HP. He cast "Ice wall" or whatever and was about to peace out.

Not wanting this jackass to get away, the Rogue ran up to our group fighter and said "THROW ME OVER"

The Player subbing in for the fighter rolled out of instinct. Just before he rolled, the DM said "This will pretty much only work if you roll a 20.

Que 20. Brix were shat.

We ruled that the BBEG would never expect an attack from above, so it was ruled a sneak attack. The Rogue stabbed the shit out of the mother fucker while coming down on him. Killed the BBEG in one hit. Epic.

>>11903101
we have a halfling assassin for this reason

>>11901269
>>11902169
>>11902754
Was having a rather shitty day til now, thank you kind sirs for your tales of ass kicking from the dark.

>>11903101
"Don't tell the elf"

>>11903273
>>11902888
Glad I could help brighten your day just a little.

>>11901269
Ok, this is my story... it kinda actually happened to me. So i was at my local supermarket. Around christmas time. It was 2001, because i remember trying to pick up the pictures from christmas 2000 for a slideshow we were making for our family get together (We are all really lazy, and yes we waiting till last minute to get the pictures done). So i walk in and attempt to get my pictures from the people at the photo desk. But they need to see some form of identification in order to actually sell me the pictures. They don't want to give my pictures to random people, and i get that. Well it's at this point i realize i forgot my wallet. I don't feel like coming back here and they are my pictures, not to mention that since i don't have any form of ID (I.E. drivers license) the manager could call the cops on me if i try to leave in my car. So i decided to just grab the pictures that they had on the counter and take off. NOW this is where shit gets weird. I take off out the door, the manager actually giving a shit about me grabbing the pictures begins hollering and I see this big fucker with a name tag "John" come around the corner and start his half gallop/run at me. John is like a freight train, hard to get going, but once he is going i am guessing it is hard to get him to stop, so i am making all these calculations as i am running out to the car to see if i can make it to my car and get away before John decides to just roll my car over with me inside... And as I exit the building, making my way to the home stretch to my car, Fucking tinsel and forest come crashing into my body and I am down. Then the sonofabitch puts the fucking 6 foot tree on my chest to keep me pinned as johnny boy and mr. manager come up... Long story short, I ended up with 6 months jail time and i never got my pictures...

>>11903935
I FUCKING LOL'D

>>11903935

Someone get this archived with the 'Hit me with a Tree' thing!

>>11903935
Guess yah felt lucky, punk!

I live by a pretty strong code of ethics, mostly instilled by my father, a veritable White Knight. The situation I am going to describe is the most dishonorable thing that I have ever done.

It is, however, one of the most rewarding things that I have ever done.

I was living and working in Philadelphia at the time, where I had moved after high school across the bridge in South Jersey. I had a group of small friends, and my on-and-off love interest, whom I had been involved with for several years and felt very strongly for. we saw each other at least weekly, as she would visit and we would go on random adventures in the city.

One particular night, my group of childhood friends came to Philly's South Street(it's kinda overplayed to residents of the city, but folks from New Jersey have very little to do, and the area can get interesting) I had been hanging out over one of buddies' houses for a few days while his folks were on vacation, so I went with them. Jill was at a wedding that evening, and thus we both figured that she wouldn't be able to make it.

>>11904182

And? AND?

>>11904072
As you wish.

So my dad runs this goofy business with bikes and whatever. I was working with him, but it was my day off and i was off to meet him for lunch. He calls me and tells me he will park the bike just up the road from me. He rides past this group of emo street kids and one of them is pushed out of the group, and chases my dads bike up the street, beats up on the bike, throws a punch at my dad and misses. My dad is pretty huge (ex hockey, ex grid iron) but this kid is scrawny and fast. So when he starts running away, and my dad following him, i know my dad is going to chase him into his large group of friends and get his arse beaten. Heres the kicker. The kid is running right towards me and needs to run past me to get to his friends. I play surprised and pretend to step out of his way, until he is right next to me. I sucker punch him and pick the little faggot up and throw him into a table. the kid is so surprised that he doesnt notice my dad catch up. He proceeds to beat ten shades of shit out of the kid. A couple of the little shits friends are game and get in on it too. So me and my dad get into a street brawl together, all thanks to my sneak attack.

bonding.

>>11904182

So we piled into a few vehicles, and set off. A relatively newer friend, who wasn't too familiar with my group of childhood buddies, also tagged along with his girlfriend of several years. I brought two bottles of Arizona green tea, except they weren't really green tea, but filled to the brim with blackberry brandy. It was like two months until my 21st birthday, so i was determined to get into trouble.

We get to Phillysafely. I pay for parking because I felt guilty for carpooling
We started wandering around, checking out the stores, visiting a second-story hookah bar and getting well and trashed while wandering the streets.

I get a text. It's Jill. She, pretty drunk herself, had managed to browbeat a coworker and fellow wedding attendant into driving her a half hour away to meet us. I was elated, in a cherubic, inebriated sort of fashion.

She meets me on the corner of an intersection where the rest of my friends are in a restaurant. I was outside smoking with my one alienated friend and his girl. My childhood buddies didn't really like them. I was told numerous times that they got bad vibes from the dude. She gets out of the car, midwinter, in this skimpy purple number that had me floored. The girl had a good figure, I won't deny it.

This happened to a friend of mine... in a dream.

He was in a bar, some asshole was starting shit, he stepped up, and the asshole was all like, "you want some, bitch?!"

And in the dream, my friend says, all casual, "no, dude, you don't want to fight me--you want to fight that guy over there."

So the asshole looks over there, and there's nobody there, and when he looks back, my friend sucker-punches the shit out of him. Ended the fight right there.

Best. Dream. Ever.

>>11904494

So even in a dream, your friend can't win a fair fight.

How gay is he?

>>11904383

The night progressed for another half hour, until my friends decided to call it. As we had another person, we no longer had room in the vehicles that we had taken, so the four of us, myself, Jill, my friend and his girl) decided that we would take the PATCO train back to Jersey.

It was an interesting wait and ride, as I was enormously smashed and she was getting a bit physical. We somehow get back to where my friend's car is parked, and the plan was that I would head back to Jill's house and she would 'drive me back later tonight'.

I still don't understand what occurred. As the two of us are disembarking at her place, my friend suddenly pipes up and says "Oh, hey, I'm going to hang with them. Bye." to his girlfriend of several years. From that point on, my mind was full of fuck. I woke up the next morning with Jill pretty pissed at me, and Mike(the fuckers name) acting awkwardly quiet and defensive.

I was driven home, we had some meaningless words, and I got out and immediately prepared for work. What we had, strong as I thought it was, pretty much ended there. My previously content frame of mind was utterly annihilated, replaced with dread and quietude. My friends didn't know what was wrong. Neither did I, to tell the truth.

A month passes. Mike breaks with his ox of a girl. a week later, he and Jill are caught hooking up at a party and our mutual friends dime him out en masse. I am destroyed, emptyminded, left with seemingly nothing.

>>11904342
Some of the best father son bonding time I've heard of.
Props to you.

>>11904602

the fuck is this shit?

oh god how did you just miss this for this thread?

>>11904123

>>11904602

A few days later, another mutual friend explains what had happened. As I had fallen asleep that night quite drunk and angry that Mike had ruined a good night, he talked a lot. He lied a lot. Jill, quite drunk, fell right into it. His getting out of the car had been purposesful: He saw an upgrade, at the expense of someone who considered him a brother. He was quite open about his goals and happy about his success to our mutual associate, and needless to say, I was irked.

My mind was filled with new things, my personality changed again. This time, instead of being hurt, feeling a strong sense of loss and discomfort, I wanted this motherfucker to hurt. I wanted him to understand how I felt about his betrayal. I wanted to pound his fucking skull into the pavement in the most primal, instinctual rage that I had ever felt.

>>11904682
Might I suggest one of these my poor anon, they are good for whacking people.

>>11904682
Question! What was this guy's last name? Or, if you prefer to protect his identity, the first letter of his last name?

>>11904682

Come on! Finish the story!

>>11904682

The opportunity came sooner than expected.

I was in Philly, on a day off, at a pizzeria on Bustleton Ave with a few coworkers of mine, both wiry litle duded who were in training to join the city's PD. They had drug me out of the house due to my being a specter over the past few weeks and keeping to myself.

While sitting there in a fog, the thought that Jill's 21st birthday was tomorrow flashed in my mind. I remembered that she was planning a party of sorts that night, at a nice bar/restaurant that we had gone to a few times. She had texted me something about an invite after our fallout, i had ignored her.

I perked up, asking my friends if they wanted to go to a party. Worst case scenario, I would get drunk and my friends would get to hit on some cute Jersey girls. Best case scenario, I would attempt to murder someone with my fists. Understanding how much it meant to me either way, they were game. We set off immediately.

>>11903935
decent writing. Would have been completely accurate, as near as I can tell, except for two details:
1: He had grabbed a bunch of picture packets fro multiple people.
2: The tree was undecorated. Just fresh pine. No tinsel.
Other than that, you may have almost had me. You should do some. Keep writing, thouugh. You have a way with words. Just dry enough not to bog down the reader in details, just descriptive enough to keep it interesting. Nice work

>>11904342
The family that way-lays together, stays together. Heartwarming story, really.

>>11904801
Preparing for epic conclusion.

>>11904814
*do some more writefagging in threads.
Dammit, I need to sleep ore often. My typing is suffering.

>>11904801

We stopped at a Wawa beforehand. I had stopped smoking, but I needed something to calm my nerves, so i grabbed a pack of smokes. American Spirit, yellow ones.

I couldn't remember the exact address of the bar, and it was getting pretty late, so I texted a friend to check online. We found it before he responded.

We parked the vehicle two blocks away, in case something big went down. My buddies weren't joking, they had gloves on and knives in their pockets, in case I ran into some flak and they had to pull me out.

I smoked a cig on the walk to the place. My associates decided that they would duck in and scope the place out, in case the people I was expecting were still there. I pulled out another smoke as they went in, moved to the right of the entrance and lit up.

>>11904864

>>11904864
Showdown time.

>>11901248
your damage is wrong you only apply sneak attack damage for the first attack. can't believe no else caught that.

>>11904864

Ten seconds later, a few figures emerge from the bar, so i scan with my peripherals. The first is her. She looks great. Like a slut, but still great. The second is Him. He was underage, so I suppose he had lucked out and looked quite hammered. They were followed by a third, a musclebound fellow whom we had gone to high school with. We had never gotten along.

Mike walks up right next to me, and lights up a smoke, some cheap menthol tripe, he was a scummy bastard who didn't enjoy having a steady job. I hadn't seen the pair for about two months, and my complete disinterest in life meant that my hair was shaggy and I had more than a bit of stubble. He hadn't caught on.

I tensed up, eyed the distance between us a few times to make sure my strike would be flawless. He made a dity joke, started guffawing. I saw my friends in the doorway, watching the scene quietly.

I lifted my right hand to take a drag of my cigarette. I'm a southpaw, but my right had always been the piledriver when I would playbox Mike back in the day. I always won.

I took one more drag, exhaled, flocked the largely unsmoked cig at his feet. He began to turn around slowly. By then, my legs were already spread as if to deliver a mighty swing with a greataxe, and my torso was spinning, my first as shoulder-height.

>>11904956

>>11904956
GO TIME

>>11904956
HURRY UP! THE TENSION IS KILLING US!

Had one like this, I was working as a Forklift driver at a local company, problem was, this place was located right in the middle of now-where, our closest 'neighbors' where the police academy dudes nearby.

And that's still like 2 kilometers away, anyhoo, I was driving my forklift, minding my own fucking business, this was two in the morning and we where the only ones there. Suddenly I hear the gate open on the other side of the complex, being night and silent it was pretty hard to miss it.

Still this put me on edge, stepping off my forklift I parked it, lights off, inbetween some crates. Waiting patiently I saw a car coming, or at least I saw it's lights, so waiting for the opportune moment I smashed my foot down on the accelerator and shot forward, my forks down I smashed right into the side of the car.

The forklift was just paint-scratched, the car.. in a little worse shape as the forks had torn through the undercarriage. So a whole lotta shit was broken, the guy inside was knocked out, from the blood on his head I guess he bumped his head on the doorpost.

After that we tied him up with some rope and one of the us (there were only three) cycled over to the police academy who came and took him away.

So yeah sneak-attack with a forklift.

>>11905009

>>11905052
Well played. Did you get a bonus for stopping a thief/criminal or did you nearly kill your boss?

>>11905052

As someone who used to work in a warehouse, that's pretty fucking awesome.

WoD, my party and I enter this girl's house t question her about her father. She's under protection of soem US Marshalls. One of them takes me to the basement, she shoots me in my character's tactical armor with a low calibur round. I unload a .44 magnum round into her shoulder and keep her down til my friend arrives to interrogate her, and then hear gunfire upsairs. Seems the rest of the party got jumped my 3 gang members with SMGs.

I sneak up the stairs, allow the first 2 guys to pass. the third one, i shoot him in his ebow, nearly severing his arm. His buddy goes to check what happened, I fire another round into this guy's skull and brain matter paints the kitchen. FIrst victim enters shock. I dive into the kitchen and unload my final 3 rounds into the leader. I then walk bout downstairs, see my buddy get kicked in the junk by the woman who now has half a face (a construct it seems) and right after i reload with a speedloader, i fire a shot through my friend's jacket and into her lower jaw and out the back of her neck via spine, while she's distracted.

>>11904956

*fist at shoulder height

The stroke was perfect. I caught him dead on the face on a wet snapping sound, half of my fist on his nose, half on his upper cheek. I kept swinging my torso well after I had made contact, putting all of my body weight into the hit.

I'm 6'2'', 200 lb and some change. He was the same height, but a scrawny stoner of a bastard.

The force of the blow lifted one of his feet off the ground. He arced backwards and clipped her shoulder as I brought my front foot forward to keep up with my fist and kept pushing. He went down, his ass hitting the sidewalk before his back came down and his head clicked while bouncing onceoff the sidewalk, and then he was still for a while.

There was a long awkward moment when he didn't get up, and she dropped down to start shaking him. The look on her face was perfect, I shall never forget it. Their large friend stepped forward, and began to spew angry words before realizing that my friends had circled around them in the chaos. and were waiting for him to make a move. He moved away.

Mike gained his footing after a few minutes. I waited. I told him that if he had been man enough to think things out, he would've figured on my reacting to him being in my hometown. I told him that we could either finish it now, and at a later date. He stayed behind her. I chuckled, and left at the behest of my friends.

I heard later that the police came, and carded everyone. My friend, with a broken nose and fractured cheekbone, got into a bit of trouble for drinking underage. Jill hadn't dimed me out as the assailant.

We went to a bar near where some family lives, and somehow my uncle was there. We got shitfaced and I was able to forget about my right hand and wrist feeling like it had been run over for awhile.

Great fucking night.

>>11905122

I salute you, sir.

>>11905122
Damn, I was hoping for life altering injuries. Ah well, good story my friend

>>11905122

>>11905122

Yay, I finally can sleep. Good story.

>>11905122

>>11905098

No I didn't get a bonus, did get my forklift in the paper though with the car attached. And the nickname "Derby", as in Demolition Derby.

>>11905099

Thanks bro, it's the one thing we all wanna do one day but never actually get a chance to.

I have one other semi-good one.

It was I think 2008 or 2009, anyway I was waiting at a train station freezing my ass off because it was so cold, seriously wearing a pair of pants and something underneath and still being cold. Anyway, as I was standing there I suddenly heard several loud voices: "Stop Politie!", which means stop Police. So I glanced and I saw a guy running full-speed towards me.

So deciding to figure that I hadn't seen him, I had my headphones in I swung my shoulder-bag off and made it seem like I was looking for something. Glancing again i saw him close enough and swung the bag, my school books bout 2 kilo's worth, right into his face decking that dude hard.

Then I got a talking to from the one of the two railroad cops, "You aren't supposed to take the law into your own hands, do something like that again and I will arrest you", my face.

>>11905122

I could see it happening in my brain! And it was awesome!

I salute you and your fist, sir.

>>11903935
Alright so right around the new millineum or whatever. The christmas of 2000 I was working stocking shelves and stuff. I was just minding my own business doing my job. Trying to get through the day so I can get home to see my wife and kid. I'd managed to get a pretty good christmas for them that that year, if I do say so myself. But back to the point, I was moving some bags of charcoal or something when I hear the manager shouting about something. Now I'm a big guy, so when I hear the shouting and the little check out girl looks at me like I should do something, what choice have I got, right? So I come around the corner and this punk kid is swiping some photos. Now I am not one for running, but I take off after this kid. I've never been in a fight in my life, so I don't know what I'm gonna do once I get him. But I'm not too worried, since he's got like 10 feet to the door and I'm like 30 behind him. This is where it gets weird. One of the guys moving trees out front swings this 6 foot tree into the shoplifters face. This guy is so stunned that he all he does is lie there. Now I don't want to ruin this guy's christmas but I don't have a choice I grab him and haul him to his feet when the manager shows up. Poor guy got 6 months in jail. Bet he didn't even get his pictures, poor bastard.

>>11905176
He just mad he didn't get to punch the dude.

One sentence.

"I sneak attack him with the car."

>>11905214

I can kinda figure that, but what the hell, I just helped them catch a dude who smacked an old lady and stole her purse (that's what I heard later from a couple of bystanders at least, dunno if true).

>>11905206
Eh.

>>11905241

Now I need more info.

>>11905246
Probably regs preventing him from actually thanking you - they really don't need people taking the justice system into their own hands, it's already a bitch and a half when an officer has to shoot someone in the line of duty, clearing a civilian is a whole other barrel of fun.

Unless the dude was a total jerk, he was prolly grateful.

Tunderchief is an inspiration to me. I have never been that wronged before, but getting such complete vengeance is so damn excellent.

>>11905270

So he was just being an ass because he had too..

Hmm kinda understand that.

Story that I heard from a friend of mine though.

Whilst in a foreign city, I think it was Paris or something, he was there alone, he got this feeling he was being followed, so he glanced in a few windows and saw several youths following him. Some of them looked 'edgy' (his words), so he looked around for some kind of weapon.

Stupid ass forgot to bring the mace that I gave him as a gift, always carry that shit with me, never know who you might need to use it on. So he spots one of those signs with food prices, dodging into the alley he grabs the sign and pulls it free.

So waiting for these youths to come he smacks one of them in the face with the sign, the other one just gawks at him like "Dude what the hell", a quick few sentences in French and it became clear all they wanted was to see if he had some smokes. They luckily for him didn't press charges.

>>11905287
Indeed, I do believe that this calls for Port and Cuban Cigars, consumed while sitting in a Mahogany furnished study.

>>11905268
Deaf assassin tried to kill my character's wife in the middle of the road. He didn't know I was coming home early that day. It may have been a shitty Civic, but man, it felt good. Guy had been terrorizing me for weeks.

>>11905396

*Honk Honk* What guys, I honked

>>11902872
>>11905194
We can stop with the jpgs, it's on sup/tg/.

>>11905206
>>11905255
I actually approve of these responses, even if they aren't terribly well written (I didn't think this one was too bad), as long as they help flesh out the scene. This one gives us a character for John beyond just "the big guy," and we've introduced "the little check out girl," too. Get enough of them and the world really starts coming alive, albeit usually with rather odd quirks and the like; all very /tg/-y.

>>11905369

Oh, I'm a sucker for aged tawny. Porto is pure class, man.

>>11905457
I approve of them, in general. That particular post was rather lackluster, I had Big John as being more likely to being going 'what the hell' than 'poor guy'. As for image archival, I like them for epicthreadthreads (not that we have many these days.)

>>11905525
>I like them for epicthreadthreads
That makes sense, but if you're going to save them then for god's sake use a fucking png. It's text on a solid background; there's no reason to use a jpg.

I have one, not nearly as epic, but fun.

I used to live in the inner city of Philadelphia. Bit of a shithole. Friends made it worth it, however, for the most part. I never got along with one, but that's beside the point. It was about four in the morning, and I was going on my "evening walk" - insomnia - when I came home to someone fiddling with the lock on my front door. Now there's a mild porch in front of the door, along with three steps down to the concrete sidewalk. I just walk up behind him stand there for a few minutes as he tries to pick the lock, and finally...

"Hello."

He screams, throws his screwdriver in the air, and jumps all at the same time; this causes him to hit his head on the overhanging door jamb, trip as he lands back down, and fall over the steps, doing a faceplant on the concrete.

I helped the poor guy to the hospital, he got worse than he deserved, but...

Does this qualify as a sneak attack?

>>11905572
>worse than he deserved
Bullshit. He got exactly what he deserved.

I once jumped out of a tree to scare the shit out of one of my friends, was hilarious. Late at night, we are having a booze up out in the woods big bonfire, roasted nuts, sausages, bread, alcohol of any form. But, to get their you gotta take a twenty minute walk on the wild side which of course is part of the fun. So, this one time I decide to have a laugh(I was just a bit drunk), and I climb up into a pine tree on a very dark part of the trail and wait. Five tries and a numb ass and a half later, I hear someone coming down the trail so I crouch on the branch and tense. I can't see very clearly so I just jump out and bellow my head-off when I hear him really close. I have never ever seen someone jump out of their skin like that before, I think he could have gotten straight up into the tree with a hop like that. So after he stopped gibbering and I had stopped rolling around laughing, we headed of to the bonfire.

>>11905457
>>11905572
I wrote the big john one. And I know it was kinda lackluster but it was a 4chan post done at like midnight. I can't be expected to try really hard, especially when I was just making sure to get it written before someone else.

As for John, I was just shooting for him to be your average working dude, who wanted to assume the best in others. So he felt bad for this dude with pictures.

>>11905568
Oops, usually do. Forgot to change the file type.

>>11905675
Fair enough. I still reserve the right to express my opinion on a work posted in a public manner.

>>11905646
Christ, I imagine him cartoonishly jumping out of his skin, then his muscles to reveal a skeleton. The numb ass had to be worth it. Haha.

>>11905572
Again, really looney toon style imagination. I'm still loling.

>>11904814
hey man, thanks. I thought i would do it for a good laugh. but it's always nice to hear a compliment.

I had a Malay dick in my class (Asian guy here) who enjoyed pissing me off for the fun of it. We are complete opposites, I’m a big guy where I’m from (1.85 cm and 85 kilos, I work part time so I do have some muscle) while he looks like a skinny brown drug addict (poor, uneducated family). I’m a model pupil while he comes to school to cause trouble. I used to be a huge pussy when it came to fights, choosing to walk away rather than beat the shit out of people. This faggot knew that and his bullying continued for an entire year. Each time I would walk away or ignore his jokes.

Start of a new year and he thought it would be funny to kick my chair as I’m about to take a seat after greeting the teacher (he seat is behind me, to my left). I fell with a loud crash and knocked the back of my head on the table behind me. The entire class started laughing while he continued to give me a huge sneer.

Something in me went cold, a strange feeling. It was as though my body went on auto pilot, I felt numb but my mind was strangely clear and my heart was beating like mad.

>>11906076
>ohboyherewego.jpg
:D proceed.

I had a Malay dick in my ass (Asian guy here) who enjoyed pissing on me for the fun of it. We are complete opposites, I’m a big bear where I’m from (1.85 cm and 85 kilos, I work part time so I do have some muscle) while he looks like a skinny brown faggot (poor, uneducated family). I’m a model partner while he comes in me to cause trouble. I used to like pussy but when he came on me, I chose to walk away rather than beat the shit out of my weiner. This faggot knew that and his buggering continued for an entire year. Each time I would walk away or ignore his JIZZ IN MY EYE.

Start of a new year and he thought it would be funny to fuck my eye socket as I’m about to take a shit after greeting his asshole (he shit behind me, to my left). I came with a loud "uunnghh" and knocked the back of my head on the table behind me. The entire class started laughing while he continued to give me a skull fuck.

Something in me went cold, a strange feeling. It was as though my body went on auto pilot, I felt numb but my mind was strangely clear and my heart was beating like mad.

>>11906076

I stood up and dusted my uniform, turn around and walk toward him. The entire class went dead silent as he and I stared down. All of a sudden I gave him the biggest and brightest smile I had, As though it was a well planned joke between two friends while thrusting out my left hand offering a hand shake. He looked at it blankly for a full 5 seconds with a look of confusion on his face.

The very moment he smiled back and tried to shake my hand, I leaned back, pulling my right arm back as far as I could while clenching my fist as hard as I could. Something along the lines of falling backward while crouching down. Using the momentum, my weight and all my strength focused into my fist. I punched him square in the face, causing him and the chair he was sitting down to flip over backwards.

The next few moments were a blur but I remembered being dragged out of the class while someone was constantly shouting my name. When I regained my senses, I was sitting outside the office. The whole of my body was cold and trembling. I sat there for a full hour when I noticed my jaw was hurting, I assumed the faggot had punched me or something so when I placed my hand on my face to check for wounds or cuts. I noticed that I was grinning using all the strength in my jaw, and I had been doing it for a full hour.

>>11906263

(final one)

His father marched up to the school in a full jumpsuit straight from work (factory worker or something) and started shouting at both the principal, vice principal, my teacher and me (still grinning, pain was a GOOD pain by then) saying that he wanted to sue me (something rarely heard off in the east) for hurting his son.

Before I knew it, I had started laughing like some maniac, which had shut him up in an instant. I crossed my legs and quietly told him that if he tried to sue I would counter sue for everything his son did the past year, plus extra, to which I started to list down each and everything his son did to me. As an added bonus I chanted every possible student’s full name who I would call as a witness while using that same clam voice.

I quietly walked out and went to wash my face. When I went back to the classroom, the entire class just stared at me with fear and tried to avoid eye contact. Ignoring everyone I grabbed my bag and walked out.

The next day, my classmates filled me in on what happened after I blurred out. After punching the guy to the ground, I grabbed whatever that was within reach and just started throwing it at him. Most of it was random junk but I did threw my bag(full of books and other heavy objects) right at his face. I also grabbed his uniform and throttled him while laughing. To top that off I was constantly chanting ‘come on! Laugh! It’s funny right?’ It took 3 people to drag me off.

The faggot missed school for a week and his dad dropped the charges and I received a warning. I was treated like some kind hero/madman for about a week. My only regret was that I waited for a whole year.

>>11905206
not as good as >>11903935, but ok. Try adding a little more description. That one was a little too dry. Again, you could have had me but for a few minor details.

>>11906324

I... I love you.

>I had a Malay dick in my ass

>>11906324

Awesome, just awesome. Can only image how good that felt.

>>11906324
you, sir, should have been treated like a king for the rest of that year. And you should have pressed charges anyway. You had more than enough witnesses. Nothing is as satisfying as beating the stupid out of a bullying little shit-stain, then having him arrested, jailed, and punished fully for his actions on top of being made a bitch by his intended victim.

One last tale to finish up the night for me. This is something I read about in the news:
ten year old girl was waiting for her schoolbus one morning. Soe sick prick pulls up in his car, pulls her in, and tries to force her down between his legs. She pulls a hammer out of her backpack or something and lays into his exposed balls with it. Sneak attack for massive damage. While he's crying in agony, she opens the door, runs home, tells her mom, and calls the cops. Prick not only had to have what was left of his balls removed, but then had to go to jail for attempted statutory rape and a host of other charges. Little girl = Hero. Ball-less wonder = prison bitch and eunuch. Ahh, sweet justice.

It's threads like these that make me want to believe in God(s) again...

Quite a while back, I went to a friends house big ass snow storm, playing at night. My team was preparing for an assualt, I told them to bury me in snow on the side of the big mound of snow leaving my eyes and nostrils clear. 5 minutes later two people walk right past me, I get them both.
Ahh the thrill of snow.

Here's my story:

It was summer, holidays and stuff, yet I had some unfinished bussines.

A bunch of faggots were bullying that weak, nerdy student with glasses, who didn't have any stamina or strenght due to heart problems. And they bullied him mercilessly for it, throwing his backpack through a window, breaking his DVDs and pushing him round, spitting on him and all other bullshit.

I was fuckangry about him but, since our school is "safe", I would get a detention for delivering justice.

But now, that we had some free time, I could make them suffer. I spied out the club they go to every day to get wasted on cheap shit, and found out the streetlight in front of it is dead, and there is a dark alley where nobody goes at night.

Nexy day, after a couple of hours partying they were leaving. A group of 5, slowly staggering to their car.

That was when I hit one of them with a nightstick. The guy was unconsious and the rest, pissed like KILLER BEES, tried to counterattack, but they were so drunk, they had problems walking and the way they tried to land their strikes was, so to say, less than effective.

The story ends with me beating 'em up and then trashing their car.

Felt good man. They quit school some time later. I dunno what happened to 'em.

God bless balaclavas.

>>11905122

Requesting archival just for this story.

>>11906566
see
>>11905457

Had a guy who would pick on me in the 7th grade. Now I was the fat kid and all so kind of use to it. Then one day he decides that he wants to fight me and I'm thinking to myself "Can't do this shit right now, gotta get to class." But he goes on and on. He follows me until I get into my class, I drop my bag then I turn to head back out grab the guy from behind the neck and smash him into the brick wall then throwing him down to the ground ready to beat the living hell out of him, his friends got there, took 6 of them to make sure I wouldn't get to him. Nobody fucked with me after that, got in trouble to, for defending myself, huh go figure.

I can only think of one instance where what I did could possibly be construed as a sneak attack, but only in the sense that no one was expecting it.

So I'm walking to my 7th grade classes at the beginning of the day, and right outside the side entrance to my school, I feel this hand grab my ass. Apparently some pair of faggot 8th graders thought this was the absolute height of hilarity. I don't even remember what they said or if they were laughing, but I just spun around, grabbed a handful of the closest's one's hair and just slammed his head into the brick wall beside us, knocking him cold.

As the other guy just stood there in shock, it dawned on me what I had done. So I panicked and ran to class, not because I was afraid of the other guy, but because I didn't want to get in trouble. I guess they decided to keep what had happened to themselves.

>>11906576

The fuck man? Are you my soul brother???

ITT: There are more heroes than you think.

>>11906599
Possibly my friend possibly.

I've never actually gotten into a fight.
And I live in Australia. That's saying something.

>>11906655
Damn right son

>>11906684
Dude how can you not fight you live on a fucking deathworld.

Ok then time for my first major sneak attack in the last oh, say 5 years.

2007 september. I was in Job Corps in san diego, and living in one of the dormitories, these are 4 man rooms, so you get an interesting cross section of humanity. I was sitting on a bed near the door to the room, which had a large locker about a foot away from it, and I was the room leader.

one of my roommates attracted the attention of the wrong people on center, and being the scrawny, asthmatic munchkin that he was he asked for my help.

who am I to say no?

so, this guy that he pissed off, runs with a crew of about four bruisers(I know 2 of them played serious business football, one was in the gym all the time, dunno bout the other) and was pretty big himself. Me, 6 foot on the dot 299 pounds, and a metalworker so not fat, just bulky. no chance in hell if they all come at me. so fatguy mind springs into action, begin moving furniture for minimum floor space, maximum pointy corners.

turns out I didn't need it.
1/2

Okay, here's one hell of an epic sneak attack.

Here's the setting: Star wars, right after the Empire had taken over the galaxy. We're on a heavily populated planet with a shipload of Imperial soldiers parading down the streets as a show of power. We needed to get off the planet, and fast, but our ship port was being guarded, and they skys are being watched too carefully. So what do we do? First, our bomb specialist creates a powerful IED utilizing a bottle of instant cable and several grenades and throws it into the marking crowd. Swiss cheese everywhere. Durring the panic that ensued we made our way to the control station of our port. It was heavily defended, with land mines, snipers on the roof, and some experienced soldiers inside. So here's what we do; the bomb guy hands everybody a bomb, and we chuck them. Two on the roof, one in the room. Two snipers are killed instantly; the third falls off the roof. The roof then caves in from the impact, crushing most of the people inside that the grenades didn't kill. Finally, our soldier runs into the smoking building, spots the last remaining soldiers, rolls an intimidate so high one of them dies of a heart attack, and uses an industrial vibro-chainsaw to saw the other one in half.

This all happened in the course of two rounds. They never saw it coming.

In high school some dude was pissing me off. I'm a scrawny guy. Only 5'7 and 120 pounds, but enough was enough and I was a trained martial artist. I should have the advantage right? He's only twice my size. One day I was walking out the gate when the asshole started heckling me.

Now I've gotten skilled at swinging off my backpack at a moment's notice, just to get the heavy fucker off my back.

That day those skills were put to use. In the middle of his sentence I dropped the bag from my shoulders, twirled and hit him square in the face with a 35 pound backpack. Completing the spin I slipped my arms back inside and walked home.

Now I felt like getting some real vengeance. The next day I followed him from his 3rd hour class to his 4th. I tapped him on the shoulder and waited for him to turn around. He got far enough to see my fist fly square into his nose, knocking him back again the locker.

In true martial arts fashion I completed my stun with a round-house to his knee, breaking it, then a flying knee to the side of the head.

Then I went home for the day.

old story but what the hell, why not. was getting a ton of shit freshman year of HS during football. il be the first to admit im not very good, but no one needs shit talk from your own team mates. anyway, so this little fucker has been giving me shit for the last 3 weeks during practice. He does his usuall bullshit, shit talk, tripping, and assorted dickery. Im a pretty patient guy and can put up with bullshit, but i have my limits. so he comes up to me and starts getting in my face like he wants to fight. i warn him to back off, and of course the littel bastard replies "oh yeah? what are you gona do about it?" and starts to push me. without even thinking i block his push sweeping my right arm across my body and grab his wrist. I pull his wrist while i bring up my left arm to push against his throat. My right foot pulls his front foot forward. now hes about to fall ove at this point, but thats not good enough. so i let go of his wrist and slam it into his chest. now all of this is happening in the back of the team taking a break on the side lines. Coach calls us back in from break. I just walk away without a word while hes on the ground out of breath. he got 20 min of running after practice because he was lying down after break was over.

kinda shitty, but i havn't really done anything better than that. except for >implying a tweeker when i was at work

Wow, this thread's still going.
>>11902754 here.

Here's the story of how I got my tooth broken. Turns out someone got the drop on me.

Ok, so this was in high school. This guy I'll call johnny liked to fuck with me, cuz I had long hair and wore black shirts and shit. I dunno why he picked me, there were plenty other people who did too. But I digress.

One day, he just brought on the usual asshole glances and random comments. I was already pissed that day. then he said something about my sister. (I can't remember very well, it was a while ago) anyway, I was done.

I was fed up with the shit. I stand up and tell him to knock the shit off. He stands up and tries to push me, sayin "what the fuck are you gonna do?" Now johnny's not a big guy, I've got him by a good few inches and about 25 lbs. I shove him back in his seat.

He gets quiet and doesn't say anything for the rest of the class. When the bell rings, he darts out of the room. I think nothing of it. Until I walk out. As soon as I get past the doorway, I'm greeted by johnny's backpack to my face. I step back, regain myself, and step back up. I spit out blood, turn to him and smile wide.

"My turn" I said

I wish I could've gotten a snapshot of his face. I haul off and start throwing punches, and a friend of mine has to jump in between us to stop it.

Wasn't til then I happened to see the chunk of tooth on the ground.

>>11906684

Grew up in SF Bay Area here, never got into a fight either. I actually taught high school for a while and the only fights I ever broke up were catfights. My neighborhood was mostly Asian & the rest white, though, and comparatively wealthy. NorCal is not a violent place except for all the gang-related shootings and the racist, corrupt cops.

You'll notice that the long story about revenge took place in Philly and involved people from New Jersey. The only guy I know from New Jersey once talked about fights he had been in without repeating himself for an entire eight-hour shift. Little Puerto Rican dude.

What the fuck is wrong with New Jersey, seriously?

>>11906786

It's full of Italians, Irish, Blacks and Puerto Ricans.

>>11906754
guy knocks nicely I open the door, asks nicely to speak to miguel, and behaves himself I tell miguel to talk to him in the hall I will leave the door open part way for him to dash through if need be and then I will tie them up on the carefully arranged "danger zone" (no kidding we actually referred to it as such.

there was a bit of yelling in the hall, and after a squeak of shoes on floor miguel dashed back into the room and I could see he had pushed tony back up against the wall and the 4 goons were moving in.

tony pushes open the door hard and it rebounds off of the wall. I 'assist' it in its rebound and bounce tony into the doorframe, where he stood, too surprised to act, then in one motion grabbed the back of his neck/head, slam the side of his head into the locker hard enough to leave a indentation, slide him down the wall and knee him in the ribs hard enough I heard something crack.

the Goons backed off and I hauled the now inert tony out into the hall and gently shut the door. then threw miguel across the room about 5 minutes later after he told me why tony was so pissed at him. a debt, a broken tv and and a few insults thrown back and forth. and I wrecked that kid over it ( he had a fractured rib, and a mild concussion and me and him a friends to this day, I kicked miguel out of the room later that week

>>11906684
Visit perth. That will get you in a fight.

this is an old one, back in elementary. only last part is sneak attack, but i still lold. I got pulled into a magnet gate school that was in the worst part of town. Fights were pretty common place. Friend of mine had been getting shit from this other group, and so he hung we me and some others for safey in numbers. they decide to come anyway.
I try to defuse the situation by talking them away. it doesnt work. All out brawl starts, centered around afore mentioned friend and the guy who had a beef with him. he starts to get ganged up on so i try to help him and get knocked to the ground. hes getting kicked while on the ground. i yell "dont mess with my friend" and reach up from where i was on the ground. The guy who started all this, who had a beef with my friend, i had him by the balls. I squeezed and punched him the the tail bone. someone yells out that teachers are coming, so the fight stops immediatly and everyone scatters. bell rings and i make it to class with friends with never a question about it.
never got shit from those guys again

I remember back in 9th grade I had a few friends that were close, they later turned stoners or something and they hated me for reasons I'll never fucking know/care. that year I had jaw reconstruction surgery and for 9 months I couldn't eat anything solid. I wasn't getting into fights.

So this guy, who is a pretty cool guy, although a bit short but built was being manipulated, those few friends kept saying I called him a faggot/etc starting rumors.

One day during lunch he confronts me outside, everyone gets around thinking it's a fight. He's yelling at my calling me a pussy and pushing me and shit. I honestly don't care, and not gonna fight because I just had 10 titanium screws put in my jaw. I walk away after him bitching and calling me names, word goes around that I'm a complete pussy and a bitch

>>11906832
Central Coast NSW was here.
Our knifings are best knifings.

Year 7 Camp.

We were starting a stupid death hike up a stupid mountain.

We were all handed out shitty 2 litre bottles to use for water. Mine was full.

Some prick (i think he died of overdose or something eventually, half of that high school year is dead or close enough now) decided to flick my ears and talk shit while walking really close behind my back.

I get pissed off, swing around and break the water bottle over his face. he was knocked out cold for a few minutes, and when he woke up the teachers scolded him for being a twit. I was told i had to replace the camps water bottle. I loved the teachers at that school, they always took my side.

>>11906865
fucking rumors, how do they work?

i hate how peole manage to get almost every single facet of a story wrong, and be so convinced they are right.

My housemate's cat is the most nervous creature in the universe. Ex-feral cats are often pretty skittish but she takes it to a new level. She weighs about 4 pounds and most of that is hair, she meows constantly, and she's terrified of anything that moves or makes noise. She will try to bite you if you attempt to pet her. I don't think I've ever seen her eat, other than trying to eat people's fingers.

I weigh about 200 lbs and I wear size 13 boots so she can hear wherever I happen to be in the house most of the time. One day, though, I saw her transfixed by a big bug that was walking on the outside of the sliding glass back door. She hadn't noticed me yet so I slowly, without making a sound, slipped out of my boots. Moving at a glacial pace so as not to make a sound on the wood floor, I stepped closer and closer, until I was right over her. I reached down slowly with both hands. Then, I grabbed her from behind and lifted her up in the air. Twisting, hissing, screeching, claws swiping everywhere (luckily I had gloves). I let her tire herself out...she kept it up for a good three or four minutes until all she could do was make a low growling noise. Then I hugged her for a minute, and pet her a few times, and let her go. She ran off and hid in the basement.

The next morning I woke up and she was asleep at the foot of my bed. She ran off when I sat up, but she stays with me sometimes when I sleep now. Poor kitty had probably just never been held before.

>>11906865
the next day while changing classes, I walk out to one of the trailer classrooms and on my way there something nailed me in the head, like really fucking hard, it was bleeding. The guy had thrown a full can of Dr. Pepper at me, with my old friends behind him laughing. I call him a tool for being used by them and I turn to walk away. I hear the heavy steps of a person sprinting toward me, it took me about a second to figure out what it was. I ended up putting putting my hand on my fist and pushing it as hard as I could into an elbow at the guys face, but he was shorter than I thought and I missed, I ended up hitting him in the throat.

several teachers and parents, an ambulance and a few police officers later, they end up cuffing me, and my friends, with the exception of the guy who ended up having some kind of surgery and was run straight to the hospital. Well, it just so happened that there are security cameras, and the detective who was working the case immediately dismissed it as self defense, as well as him harassing me throughout the previous weeks and having the guy, who would attempt to come back to school months later, was expelled.

also my old friends got arrested too, and put on probation for having weed on school property.

>>11906923
I dont follow

>>11906933
D'awwwwwwwwww that's so adorable.

>>11906935
How did you hit his throat if you were aiming high for his face?
Was he coming at you in a wicked handstand attack?

>>11906968
I ment to say taller, instead of shorter, and I don't know what he was doing, I had my eyes closed.

>>11906935
wait...if he was shorter than you thought, how'd you end up elbowing him in the throat?

>>11906987
->
>>11906974

>>11906943
i didnt wait for part 2 like a dumbass. i was commenting on the part how people were saying he was a pussy for not fighting when he just had recontructive jaw surgery, or whatever it was.

So here I was, just sitting around minding my own business. You know, being a tree and what not, when all of a sudden some jackass picks me up and uses me as an improvised bludgeoning apparatus. What the fuck, man.

>>11899573
I was a little kid. I don't remember what age. Probably somewhere between 4 and ten.

On the bus, I used to be one of those awkward kids, or maybe I was normal? It was the age where if you were slightly awkward kids didn't care and played with you anyway. At any rate, there was this dick of a kid with a buzzcut that sat behind me and my friend.

We were playing pokemon or something on the bus-ride home from school, and this little fucker would not stop harassing us. He kept hitting us in the back of the heads, and flicking us and shit, and I didn't really mind that it was happening to me, but it pissed me off more when he did it to my friends.

Now I've never really been aggressive before that day, I never really needed to be, but I turned around with the fury of a thousand suns, grabbed him by the shirt and started choking him with it as I punched him in the face repeatedly, his head bouncing back and forth like a bobblehead. I was actually crying and screaming at him whilst I did it because I didn't know how to react to so much rage pouring out at once.

The weirder thing (in retrospect) was that, he was the one that got banned from the bus, and got kicked off then and there. I know he instigated it, but I beat the shit out of this kid.

I'm sure the bus-driver probably hated this annoying kid too, and was just wishing that he could punch his face, when I did it instead.

I

In a pub, drunk on god only knows what. Friend and I are dancing, in my peripheral vision I see a guy walk up behind her and try to trip her with his foot. Without thinking and five years of martial arts behind me my fist comes arching out before he can touch her. She blocks my punch and steps infront of me going its alright, and saying hes a friend. I profusely apologise and buy everyone a drink. It would have been very awkward if I floored her brother. :\

Last day of high school, say goodbye to my rp'an friends to chill and kick a ball about with some other friends. See some chucklefuck approach my nerdy compatriots. Walk up behind him and just stand there. 6'4" muscled me just stands there, he realises someone is behind him and swings behind him I take a step back he falls over. I keep a straight face. He gets shitty and goes something on the lines of "I do kickboxing i'll kick your fucking head off." I apologise to him and offer to buy him a drink. He keeps running his mouth I sigh and say he gets to kick me once and then he goes (being known as the guy who would rather get hit then fight) sure and lines up for this SUPA MEGA kick. Fun fact, if someone ever does that take a step foward (one step is all that is needed) and so I did. He falls flat on his ass and I offer to help him up. He refuses I make sure everyone else is fine then go back off to kick the fucking ball (which is all I wanted to do anyway!!).

I have a list... Sports, bouncing or bar work. Which would we like to hear more about? :D

>>11901269
A most excellent post, my good sir.

Most excellent indeed.

>>11907118
All of them.

In ascending order of awesomeness.

I am a total fatass.

These kids in school saw on tv, the thing where one person lays behind someones legs, and another pushes them, tripping them over.

They tried it on me. I landed my fat ass square on the fucks middle back.

They never tried that shit again.

>>11907108

You know what's great, when you're a substitute teacher? When shit like that happens and you can take the side of the kid who's getting bullied.

"Why did you run into his fist like that? You should apologize, now."

Or when you blatantly make shit up to get annoying kids sent to detention. Haha, kids have no rights and you have no accountability as a teacher and it's funny.

>>11907177
Okie dokes...

I'll work my way down. Lets start with camping! When i THINK a crab ninja'd me like a motherfucker. Myself and three other mates were going camping. Having only ever done camping with a land rover or some shit we were WAY over packed. Wanting to do something new we we picked a random place within 500km of Adelaide (where I live). Land rover plods along, we go off road. All is fine. UNTIL, we hit a river... Cursing ensues and we take bets. Here's a fun fact. Rivers = Crocodiles. If you know someone who thinks they can go Steve Irwin on one, just laugh. So there we are, playing rock paper scissors on who is going to see how deep the river is... I lose. I laugh, play that shit off. Pull out a machette (what can I say, I was NOT going in there without it). Edge my way into the river, centimeter by centimeter. Something bites me and I scream so fucking loud! I jump out of the river, stop drop and roll. Everyone is laughing, and that is the story of how I was sneak attacked... Half a bottle of vodka later I edge back in. God knows I was scared. We then realise it was too deep. Grab all of our shit and at night roleplay some werewolf. Shit is cash over a camp fire.

Alright, a few years ago I was finishing up year 10 (which is the final year of high school here), and there'd been a few shithead bogans (all friends with each other) who were harassing my younger sister and talking trash about her behind my back.

One of these guys was an overweight little twat who I'd never liked to begin with (few people did) and we'd come to blows over his sexist remarks towards people I didn't even know before, but this was much more personal.

>>11907268
Now, I'm not too fond of this sister because she's a rebellious bitch who slept with guys several years older than her and is basically breaking my mother's heart, but I value my strong emotional ties with my family.

I'm not stupid, and I wasn't going to just attack this guy in public without regard for my own safety. This was only a week or so from the end of school, so I decided to bide my time.

>Man, I should have just typed this in notepad.

>>11907223
Lets keep with the camping theme, I had a ridiculous amount of fun (heck, still do). Driving with my friends again, we wanted something a bit more normal. We all were tired as all sin from work and wanted a relaxed weekend. So driving along, laughing and this huge boulder of flesh is in the middle of the road! I swerve like a dumb fuck and we all swear, asking what the hell is wrong. A koala is in the middle of the road. Ensue half an hour of honking the horn and waving our arms at it. Koalas whilst looking cute are dangerous, 3 inch claws and a grumpy as all fuck attitude = fun times for nobody. We crack open a deck of cards and start chatting. Its a one way dirt road with no way to go around, we were patient... So was the koala... It just sat there, looking at us. :| A few hours pass, we check on it and its gone. NO idea where it went. We continue driving to the campsite and what do we see? A koala! Waiting! It looks at us and we look at it... Shifty eyes everywhere. Its still quite funny. We set up, start going about our business. Later that night, bruised, battered and sore we all go to bed (drunken wrestling without mats, fuck my body hates me). That night I feel something next to me, I wake up for a second think nothing off it and go to sleep. The sun rises and the beast we shall not name lets out this grunt/roar that would make the Hulk think twice. I wake up quicker then a flash, scream for help and jump out of my tent. When I say jump out, I mean more... Jumped through! The koala bolts out of my tent and waddles into the bush. There I am, dirty, a look of terror on my face, wearing only boxers. Everyone else is quickly getting out of their respective tents (in the outback, or not near civilization, you come to a friend if he calls out). I stomp off towards the land rover and get my machette. I was ready to hunt that bitch down. I'll see if I can find a picture. They sure took one, I was SCARY!

Ausfag here, i'll post more tales of camping and fun when I get home. My shift is over!

>>11907303
I knew where this guy lived, and he walked home from school every day. A good friend of mine happened to live nearby as well, and he had his own problems with That Guy, but even nowadays he isn't the violent type.

So, on the last day of school, I didn't go to the farewell assembly first thing in the morning and waited by the footpath for him to walk home.

I was sitting around for about half an hour and I was getting pretty riled up thinking about That Guy, so when he finally walked by, my body was ready.

>>11907354
I walked right up behind the fat fucker and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around FAST and quite conveniently smacked his eye into my knuckles as I was swinging. I knew he'd bruise, but I didn't want him retaliating.

I kicked him, SPARTA-style, right in the gut. I heard the air rush out of his lungs, and it was glorious. He toppled right back and literally rolled down the hill to just lie there crying like a bitch.

Not quite as impressive as murdering a car with a forklift or knocking someone out cold at a party, but it felt pretty damn good at the time.

The best part? The police lied and said they couldn't do anything about it. They hated him too.

Ausfag Hijack. Camping and Outback and not afraiding of anything.

I snuck attacked someone by standing still in high school.
Was standing in the middle of the hallway waiting for a friend to show up when I feel something hit my leg. I look down and there's one of the shortest people in our class(she couldn't have been taller than 5 feet, probably closer to 4.5). She ran into me full force and knocked herself down, and then proceeded to blame me for it.

I
Love
This
Fucking
Thread

Please continue, fa/tg/uys, for I am fail and cannot contribute besides my bump.

I was in the military and have done my share to sneak attacks, mostly against hostile men with guns. Let's leave it at that.

>>11907518

* my share OF sneak attacks.

Typos always get me early in the morning.

>>11907412
Welp, back. I wouldn't say 'fraid of nothing. Shitz scary! My last camping story that involves ninjas and sneak attacks. I found Emu eggs... No, I wasn't planning to take them or any such shit. But I thought it was cool as all sin. I lifted one up and showed it to one of my friends. Long story short? The friend smiled, said it was cool and you could see as his face blanched and turned white. If you can't imagine what he looked like, remember the first time you were a wizard in 3.5 and you threw your maximized disintegrate spell at the Terrasque? It was like that... I didn't even bother turning around, I put the egg down and ran like the hounds of hell were trying to drag me into their domain.

I enjoyed sport, oh my did I have lots of fun.... I'll write a few stories up.

>>11907518
>insert salute here

I saved someone from getting mugged at knife point.

It was a 24 hour laundromat (sp?), at like midnight thirty or so. I walk in with my big sack of dirty clothes, not immediately seeing anyone. I move over to my normal spot and I see a little chinese guy get shoved by this tall skinny white guy. I hear him say "gimme yo cash man" and some other gobbledegook. The chinese guy looks terrified (obviously) so I come up behind him and do the first thing that came to mind.

I swing my bag of laundry straight down on his head. Didn't do much of anything in the way of hurting him, but it threw his balance off and he stumbled a bit. seeing both of us, the knife guy runs off, spooked that I came out of nowhere.

The chinese guy kept thanking me and trying to give me cash. I politely declined, but he wound up buying me a pop from the vending machine.

Basketball... Oh how full of youth we were... And the coachs took that youth and to this day I still think it is the dirtiest sport ever created. Kidney shots, basketballs to the face. Tonight I will tell you the tale of the day I felt like dieing. The night before I had partied like an idiot, and had a hangover the size of Arcadia. Barely conscious, and not entirely sure if I could stand let alone play a game I went onto the court. Now, we were playing the Mavericks who at the time were hot shit (haven't been in the loop for a while). The opposing coach looks me up and down. Walks over to the biggest, meanest fucker to ever grace the world. He points at me. That was the beginning of the end... I spent the next twenty minutes being punched, poked and hit. Until finally. I snapped, I turned to him and gave him the biggest scowl I ever could. Except one problem. He was 6'8" and I was looking UP! I'm too busy glaring at the chuckle fuck and hear my coach "Anon! The ball!" I look at my coach, realise i'm looking the wrong way look back he has the ball and slams it into my face. He gets a foul and that was it. ;-; If you ever get a blood nose, NEVER use a tampon to keep that shit up there. They get stuck. But that was how a basketball ninja'd my face... I finished that fucking game... God damn. ><

Only good one I have is where I got vengeance for a beating.

I am not a big guy nor am I muscular I am 5'9" 150lbs, but I can spritnt like a motherfucker. I was in track in high school but my real love (outside D&D) was baseball. I was never a good hit but I ran like a crazy fucker so I was considered a decent player.

This all starts after one of my games where I scored the winning run (only time for that ever) and was thrilled. I decided I would walk to my girlfriends house about 10 blocks away. So I am walking to her house when these two thug fuckers step out to mug me. I fought back like a fucking idiot and got my ass thoroughly beaten. I had a cracked rib, cracked jawbone, and a broken leg. That basically ended me playing baseball for the rest of the season. So needless to say I was pissed. About three months pass and I heal enough that I go to the batting cages near the field. I figure I can at least work on my hit (I had been doing a lot of upper body lifting to stay in shape while in the cast) since I cannot run without pain. So I decide to once again walk to my girlfriends house but this time I decided to carry my bat with me. Lucky me when I see one of the two fuckers that jumped me leaning against a light post smoking. Once again I did something stupid and decided to get my vengeance. So I sneak up behind him and hide on the other side of this cement block wall as I see him start to turn around. As he walks past the edge of the wall I cracked him in the side of the knee with the baseball bat as hard as I could. I know I broke that fuckers leg. When he fell I hit him again on the back and he just kinda passed out I guess. I then walked down the alley I was at went to my girlfriends. I found out later they blamed the act on GANG VIOLENCE! I was happy because I got my vengeance and he in prison for a series of convenience store thefts.

>>11907518

The ausfag here, I salute you and respect what you did. You are welcome to a free drink where I work any day.

More guys need to post! I'll be back in a bit, I want to see some more awesome stories or I ain't postin' anymore!

When I was a kid, my dad taught me to fight; nothing formal or fancy, just some streetfighting stuff from his own childhood and some dirty tricks he'd picked up along the way. When it came time for my first schoolyard fight, I got my ass stomped; no excuse, I was a wad of warm taffy compared to the other guy.

Next time I got into a fight, it was high school. Some big redneck asshole bodychecks me into my locker, splitting my lip (still have the scar). I waited until his back was turned at his own locker, then kicked the door shut on his hand when he turned to face me.

He lost the upper thirds of his middle three fingers on his left hand, I got suspended for two days and one of his friends from the baseball team made a go at me when I was crossing the school parking lot.
My only line:
>I'll lose but I will leave you crippled for life.
He considers this, then charges me. I get clipped halfway up my ribcage, then used half of the dirty tricks my old man taught me. Cheap shots, one and all; each one a winner. Slammed a cupped hand on his ear; pow. Down. Kick down his spine: pow. Down for a while. Two quick shots, one to each kidney, angled down and using my palm. Just to prove the point, I took his shoes and broke one of his toes with my boots. I thought I'd gotten more than just the one, but as it turns out, nope - he wasn't crippled, but sure as far missed a whole season recuperating.

After that, very much a detention kind of school year for me.

>>11907664
You probably could have killed him in that time frame; "gang violence" is what the police say when they really mean "victim was a subhuman piece of trash, and we don't care." How does that make you feel?

>>11907664
are you from Southern California by chance?

>>11907713
Yes actually I am

>>11907708
I would not have wanted him dead. I just wanted to hurt him because I could not play baseball, that and sex with a my injuries was not going to happen. He got beaten and arrested so I feel properly mitigated.

There was this one time, our section was sneaking up on another.

One of the cadets in the other section breaks formation and goes behind a tree (same side of tree as us). We look at each other and think, 'the hell is this kid doing?'

Then, he drops his pants to take a shit.

Well, we weren't going to let that tactical oversight go unpunished. We got a fair bit closer, then in my XBOX HUEG parade ground voice, I scream "CONTACT FRONT, 50 METRES".

The kid yanks his pants back up and legs it like a motherfucker to rejoin his section.

I never did find out if he got to take that shit for the rest of the weekend.

>>11907717
huh, whata hunch... I am too. considering baseball is as much the sport culture out here as basketball, I tend to see baseball players get into it the most (moreso than football players). do you still play? wish I coulda been there for you, I'm always at least packing street steel on me wherever I go.

>>11907754
LA here.
I'm >>11907696.

We're just all kinds of aggressive, huh?

OP's image reminds me of this one.

>>11907754
That was about eight years ago. I still play on the company team and I will go out to hit a ball or go to the cages now and again but I dont have time since I have two kids to raise and a wife. Me and my wife still go to the weekly D&D game that our friend hosts. By the way Yes I married the same girl that was my girlfriend at the time.

I never really had another good sneak attack. The only other thing I could think of is where I hid in our closet naked one morning and when she went to go change for work I jumped out and yelled "SURPRISE BUTT SEX!" she screamed so loud the neighbor called the cops and told them that a murder was going on next door.

>>11907793
Nice

>>11901269
...yeah, what the fuck fake-assed game sneak attack can match up to this? It's one thing for a D&D rogue trained to attack quietly from the shadows to shiv someone, it's another for a stock clerk to pound a shoplifter with a damned Christmas tree.

Improvised weapon and everything, that had to be some serious negatives to-hit...

my sneak attack was on my DM. there's a half black guy in our group who has a kind of soft, litling voice (wanna say like Michael Jackson's but... a bit more nasally I guess?). he works late on our session days but usually makes it at around the middle of the first encounter. anyway, us & the DM openly talk shit to each other due to being a group for a long time, but this guy & another one in our group get most of the shit. the DM was getting some minis off a shelf & I was walking from the restroom which is seperated from said shelf by a den area. heard DM talking 'bout the black guy, blablabla, then asks some kinda question bout him. in my best imitation of the guy's voice I go "Naww man (forgot what else I adddd to this line if I did any)" & the DM reels back going almost dropping the minis, "Whoooaa... that... that was too perfect. don't ever do that again man." I am Bard, no?

Story of how I got sneak attacked;

Walking around the oval with a couple of friends and see punk ass bully cruising with a couple of his friends and some sluts. Turn my back on them because he aint gonna try shit, que him footy talking me from behind.
I then proceed to enter "red mist" something that I had only read about until that day. When I came too I was standing behind him with my arm around his neck and his two friends punching me in the back to try and get me to let go, he goes blue everyone else is yelling and screaming and I only let him go when he stops struggling he then falls down and starts coughing and clutching at his throat. I walk away and never get shit at that school again.

Thats why I avoid fights

>>11907763
totally, youse guys some scrappy dudes. I'm around the LA county area (Carson/Torrance) & occasionally in the 562

I have some kind of auto-sneak or negative presence thing going on. I can walk up to someone, or maybe even a whole group of people, and they won't know I'm there until I say something.
I can also sneak quite well.
No sneak attacks. Yet.

>>11907874
Do you think 'they can't see me, I'm invisible' all the time?

>>11907793
So, on this strain of posting I thought i'd give you all one last reverse sneak attack. I had a gf who's dad was a viet vet. Still mildly bonkers. She calls me up saying she'll be home in 5 minutes and she had a surprise, I had a dinner and all planned. Quickly stripped down into my boxers, had everything nice and ready... And hid...

She opens the door says she wants to talk with me urgently. Thinking its alllrrrriiiiggghhhhhhhhtttt, I wait a little and hear footsteps going past where i'm hiding I jump out "HELLO GORGEOUS!" It was the dad, he spun round and kicked me in the nuts before I had enough time to realise it wasn't her... Guess what she wanted to talk about? The parents flew down and wanted to meet me... Kickboxing, mixed with a black belt in Wing Chun and Judo. I felt that kick, and I mean REALLY felt it. I've never had more respect for a dude who was 10 inches smaller then me before.

And with that reverse sneak attack I'm going to sleep. If this thread is still up tomorrow night i'll post some more.

>>11908079
Attack of Oppurtunity