Enjoy the trip.

36th street, please. and step on it, I'll pay any tickets.

>>10141382

Die, because Eversors don't leave witnesses.

Pray to the God-Emperor I didn't do anything to make me a target of an Eversor and hope that whereever he's going to murder people is near where I need to get off.

'So... nice car, heh-heheh'

Ask for my destination and hope nothing bad happens. It could be trying to maintain a disguise, and if it wants to kill me, then I'm fucked.

'WRY?'
'WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!'

>>10141382
Simple as that. I kill him.

Is it a girl?

If so, charm her.

Then die, because women can't drive.

Anyone else imagine that this would turn out exactly like Transporter 2? Right up to the Eversor attaching a bomb to the bottom of a blimp with the car?

>>10141464
Congrats, you are now in a car with an exploding Eversor.

rolled 96 = 96

>>10141500
It would take some kind of Tactical Genius to pull a stunt like that.

>>10141448
Does an Eversor actually have Disguise Mastery or whatever in Dark Heresy?

Who pays the fare before they reach their destination?

Also, I buckle up and pray for the best.

>>10141540

THEY ALSO HAVE DRIVE MASTERY.

HENCE THE OP.

Guess I just stepped into a game of CRAZY TAXI
I tell him to deliver me to the mall

PRAISE THE GOD EMPEROR, NOW DRIVE! THE FOUL FORCES OF CHAOS HAVE TAKEN 34th STREET AND ARE SACRIFICING LOYAL SUBJECTS OF THE EMPEROR TO THE DARK GODS!

I WILL GIVE YOU FIRE SUPPORT FROM BEHIND THE CAB, MAY THE EMPEROR GUIDE YOUR CHAINSWORD!

>>10141552
When an Eversor is driving you, THAT'S WHEN!

>>10141567
Pfft, like an Eversor would even need a Chainsword

>>10141553
I AM the OP. The idea of an Eversor in disguise just tickled my funny bone.

>>10141536
I am immortal. I cannot die by mere flames.

>>10141625
It's not the flames you have to worry about.

>>10141641
Whatever that is, I have nothing to worry about. Jesus will always love and protect me. My body can die, but my soul is immortal. I have nothing to fear.

>>10141659
Have you worshipped your God-Emperor today? You better have, or the chaos gods are just gonna slurp your little soul up.

Me: YOU'RE NOT MY REAL FATHER. I HATE YOU!
Evesor: Yeah whatever. I'm still taking you to the dentist.
Me: :(
Evesor: Let's turn that frown upside down~

-On the other side of the galaxy-

Joker: And that's how I got these scars.
Batman: Gross.

I don't worry about anything. Eversors are great drivers.

>>10141715
That's Rob Schneider's next movie.

EDDIE WAS AN EVERSOR WITH EVERYTHING GOING FOR HIM
*various explosions of gore and violence*
BUT THEN...
*doorbell rings*
*Eddie opens the door to see a baby left on his doorstep with the note "it's yours"*
*RECORD SCRATCH!*
NOW HE'S FIGURING OUT THAT BEING A FATHER...HAS AN INVULNERABLE SAVE OF IT'S OWN!

Rob Schneider is...THE EVERSOR

>>10141758

...It's the movie I was born to see

>>10141538
EVERSOOOOOOOoooor?

>>10141603

"Well if that Evesor isn't quite the... eye sore."

>>10141758
>HAS AN INVULNERABLE SAVE OF IT'S OWN

>>10141758

*clap clap clap*

>>10141911
Whatever, I don't play the game. Sorry for not properly researching my Rob Schneider joke

>>10141947
No, it was fine...but that line. That line.

Ask to turn on the radio.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCNICT2en_U

Ask to turn off the radio.

>>10141978
Yeah, I know. I couldn't think of anything better >_>

Anyone else noticed that inserting an Eversor into any situation automatically makes it funny. Just like with Batman.

Like, imagine an Eversor, then imagine an Eversor sitting at a fancy dinner party.

>You call a Taxi and get in and pay your fare, only to discover that the Taxi Driver is an EVERSOR.
There is no third man in the car
There must be an inquisitor with an agent of the officio assassinorum
-------> I'm an Inquisitor FUCK YEAH let's purge some heretics !

>>10142088
Blame it all on my roots
wore a bodysuit
and slaughtered your black tie affair
the last one to know, the last one to go
I was the last one you thought i'd shoot there...

>>10142088

Oh man, you're right. This is comedic gold!

Just imagine, an entire feature length film consisting entirely of still frames of an Evesor in mundane, everyday situations.

Add a laugh track and... there are no words. Just filthy, filthy money, and wenches, as far as the eye can see.

>>10142168

* you where

fuck that fail was hard.

>>10142088

it's funny 'cause it's RIDICULOUS!

>>10142176
I think it would be funnier if it was an actual movie, but the Eversor went about a perfectly normal day. Then in the middle of the film it suddenly slaughters this entire fortified position in an insane orgy of gore and murder. The movie then goes back to it checking it's mail or cooking dinner without a hitch.

>>10142088
An Eversor at the park
An Eversor doing his laundry. Several black bodysuits.
An Eversor grocery shopping.
An Eversor gardening.

>>10142212
An Eversor at a birthday party for it's 7-year old daughter.

>>10142212

I AM AMUSED.

>>10142237

An eversor, fighting several babies.

I imagine it like that Robot Chicken sketch about Jason waiting for Friday the 13th. Except 2 glorious hours

An Eversor fapping to some SoB porn.

>>10142253

That pun is terrible.

I like it.

Need a drawfag to draw up an eversor doing this face

An Eversor teaching his 7 year old daughter to respect and treasure wildlife, while taking a stroll in the forest.

There are butterflies.

An Eversor taking a smoke break

>>10142333
Oh god. This is perfect.

>>10142337
A smoke break? To take the edge off his superdrugs?

A montage of an eversor sharing tender moments with its daughter. There's fawn-feeding. Also, a hilarious scene where it looks as if the eversor might accidentally kill her :3

>>10142333
Someone takes a picture of him and his daughter and the flash kind of activates his KILL REFLEX and he tears the guy to pieces.

*Laugh track*

>>10142359
An Eversor having a beer after a long day at work.

We need to flesh out this Eversor and his 7-year old daughter. What does he do when he's off duty? Who's his wife, the mother of this daughter?

>>10142391
but, but... the skull-mask ;_;

>>10142407
He uses a straw

>>10142403
His wife left him because the pressure of being married to an inhuman killing machine just got to be too much, you know?

>>10142403
Macha

Eversor watching tv

>>10142438

but how can he and a virgin have a daughter?

Eversor handling Tech Support.

>>10142480
Teh Eversor already has a job!

>>10142477

Clonebabby

>>10142450
>somebody kidnaps an Eversor's daughter
HOLY FUCKING EMPRAH GET OFF THE PLANET

>>10142438
Macha is dating a CALYDUS assassin, not an eversor. No, I think the Eversor's daughter should be with a random sister of battle.

>>10142486
It's just to make ends meet, sheesh.

>>10142486
It's a side-job to pay for his kid's college funds.

>>10142477
With his penis?

>>10142501
He fucked her THROUGH the armor, didn't he?

shit my pants and piss everwhere, hopefully it will be too disgusted/confused to kill me. If that fails id probably begin masterbating, as i would be about to die.

>>10142506
>>10142508
on-the-side-mind

Facepalm because it's yet another 40k thread.

>>10142501
I think it's funnier if it's just with some normal citizen. The contrast between the Eversor and the mundane situations it finds itself in are what makes the whole concept funny.

>>10142497
OH GOD WHY WOULD YOU EVER DO THAT!?

>>10142539
Oh god, imagine the Eversor picking up his daughter from his ex-wife's house. Awkward in front of her new husband.

>>10142565
:(

>>10142565
Papa Eversor watching his little girl in her elementary school play.

>>10142539
*group of women sitting around taking*
"Sooooo..."
"So?"
"Sooooo, how'd the two of you meet?"
"Oh, it was so romantic. I was in college at the time, and there he was, slaughtering his way across the campus on his way to the dean's office. He locked eyes with me as he ripped the janitor's heart out, and we both knew we were made for each other. Ten minutes later, he comes out covered in blood and asks if I'd like to have a cup of recaff. We've been together ever since."

>>10142565
I think the Eversor has custody. I mean, if an Eversor told you it wanted custody of it's daughter, would YOU tell it no?

>>10142590
Papa Eversor suspecting his daughter is being abused.

>>10142565
Middle management Culexus assassin?

>>10142595
awwwwwww

>>10142598
Any woman with the guts to marry an Eversor and then divorce him in the first place would have the guts to fight for at least partial custody.

>>10142598
Reverse the situation then. Papa Eversor dropping off his kid for the weekend.

>>10142598
Wait, what if the ex-wife's new husband was ALSO an Eversor? Like, the two were good friends before or something.

>>10142602
I would imagine that abusing an Eversor's daughter is literally the worst mistake anyone could ever make.

>>10142501
>>10142524

>>10142626
Oh shit, even worse. Cause they might work in different Segmentums but they still see each other now and then and conversations can get really awkward. Sometimes it's all they can do to casually "WRYYYY!" each other when they pass in a hallway.

>>10142631
I'd say the situation would likely require a couple of cyclonic torpedoes.

>>10142656
To kill yourself before the Eversor got to you?

>>10142656
The abuser would need a couple of those to stop the Eversor...and even then I wouldn't be sure.

Now imagine the plot of Taken but with an Eversor instead of a CIA agent.

Imagine being the daughter's boyfriend and having to meet her dad. He's just sitting on the couch across from you, looking totally tense like he could just spring forward and murder everything in the room without warning (although to be fair, he always looks like that), and the skull mask. Staring at you...staring...STARING

>>10142726
There would be a blood-soaked crater somewhere in Europe previously occupied by a sex-slavery ring.

>>10142758
And, you know, Europe.

>>10142726
*Eversor picks up the phone*
"We have your daught-"
"WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
*Sound of the phone being dropped and sprinting in the background*

>>10142764
There would be a blood-soaked trail that the cops could literally *FOLLOW*

>>10142781
No, it'd be more like
*Eversor picks up the phone*
"We have your daught-"
*Eversor busts through the door*
"WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

>>10142737
Ouch.
Still not as awkward as the situation raised in a thread a while back of having to introduce Eversor-chan to your parents.

Can we make Eversor-Dad /tg/ canon?

>>10142822
...go on.

>>10142837
Yes. yes we can.

>>10142726
FUCKING FUND IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>10142837
We already have. We just need drawfags to get on this. Possibly real writefags as well.

>>10142837
We will need a considerable amount of drawfaggotry and at least one good writefag, but yes we can.

A boy from grade 2 kisses his daughter on the cheek and the Eversor just bursts through the wall of their playhouse in the backyard.

It's kind of embarrassing.

rolled 25 = 25

GENTLEMEN GENTLEMEN
EVERSOR ARE IN CRYO STASIS WHEN NOT ON MISSIONS

>>10142820
*Marco and the other Albanians chilling out in the kitchen*

Marco: Yes, we got a good price on that virgin. Her father on the phone was quite funny, all he did was screa-
*Papa Eversor busts through the wall*
WRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

>>10142890
Died laughing right about here.

>>10142897
See Rule of Funny and Rule of D'AWW

>>10142897
Hey.
Shut up.

>>10142897
It is on a mission. THERE IS NO GREATER MISSION THEN BEING A LOVING FATHER!
.
.
.
AND SLAUGHTERING HERETICS!

>>10142897
>STOPHAVINGFUN

>>10142897
Name one bit of /tg/ cannon that fits in perfectly with by-the-book 40k. Just one.

>>10142897
His mission is to provide a stable life for his daughter so she doesn't have to go through the slaughtering he did just for an education. All he wants to do is see his little angel walk and get that diploma.

>>10142822
And then...THE WEDDING

Eversor doing any of these things, and then realizing he's a drug crazed death-obsessed psychopath who should be killing things right now.

>>10142951
"Ugh, gotta get up at 4 tomorrow to slaughter some heretics AGAIN."

Or for those who can't speak WRY,

"WRRRRRRRRRRRRY"

Eversor Dad buys pets for his daughter. They all die the moment they appear threatening. Puppies that growl? Dead. Cats that put their claws out? Dead. Hamsters that nip? Dead. He doesn't do it deliberately, it's just reflexes. The back garden is filled with little pet gravestones.

The parents finally got her an elderly tortoise. He spends many afternoons just staring at it intensely. Just staring.

>>10143030
The tortoise just stares back. Man he fucking loves that tortoise. Best pet he's ever had, even though he got it for his daughter. All the time his daughter's at the ex-wife's, it's just him and that tortoise. Just staring.

>>10143048
That's fucking awesome.

>>10143030
>>10143048

>>10143048
Oh god I just got this image of the Eversor staring at the tortice just thinking to himself "Damn it I'm on to you you shelled mother fucker!"

>>10143048
Awwwwww. Tortoisor is now also canon!

>>10143048
This is the cutest thing I've read here in quite some time. We need a drawfag here, asap.

Despite the fact that the Eversor has a body count well into the thousands, he dotes on his daughter and often feels bad when he embarrasses her accidently, like that time when this clown scared her and made her cry at one of her friend's birthday parties. Oh man, they're still finding new pieces of that guy.

>>10143134
Agreed. Eversor in a pose like this would work well I think.

Man, parent-teacher meetings must be great. Especially if the daughter recently came home with poor grades.

I think we're all ignoring who the Eversor's next-door neighbour would be. I imagine it would be some kind of Administratum bureacrat who always keeps his lawn looking great. Looks a lot like Hank Hill, actually. Sometimes they get into passive-agressive arguments because the Eversor's rose bushes grow a little bit over their fence. The reason why he doesn't make an official complaint is because the house on the other side of the Eversor's property is still empty after the incident when the owner tried raising his voice at him.

>>10143232
>Hank Hill

"THAT MAN AIN'T RIGHT, I TELL YOU WHUT."

My god, I just realized that OP's pic is of Eversor Dad driving his daughter to the dentist.

>>10143232
>because the lot on the other side...
FIFY

>>10143244
Now imagine them all drinking beer on the side of the road.

"Yup"
"Yup"
"Yup"
"WRYYYYYYYYYYY!"

We just had to pick a time during a drawfag drought.

>>10143193
"I hate Mrs. Henderson, she always says that I don't colour in my pictures right."
*Eversor is currently doing dishes*
"Wry Wryyyy!"
"And she caught me with gum yesterday and yelled at m-"
*Eversor drops plate, letting it shatter on the ground adn immediately runs out the door*
"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!"

"FOLLOW THAT CAR! WHAT A SCOOP!"

No one seems to ever realize that he's actually an Eversor assassin. He buys groceries and stuff without anyone even mentioning the skull mask.

Probably because anyone who does mention it is immediately designated as a witness and torn to ribbons by the Eversor so as not to blow it's cover.

>>10143493
I doubt they'd even know what an Eversor Assassin was. They probably just think he's some weirdo with a thing for macabre fashion.

>>10143534
But when any of them indicate that they notice anything out of the ordinary about him, he kills them. Thus, those who have survived are smart enough to just treat him as a normal person and turn a blind eye to his...line of work. Besides the Tech Support job, of course.

>>10143561
Oh fuck, that reminds me. You think tech support is bad now? Imagine what it's like when the guy on the other end of the phone will hunt you down and kill everyone in the vicinity if you forget to hit the on button.

>>10143603
Nah, he doesn't kill things unless they appear remotely threatening to him or his daughter. Or it's an assignment...or you get in his way on an assignment...or you try to slow him down.

>>10143641
...or if you cut him off in traffic...

>>10143648
or talk during a movie...Oh Emprah help you if you talk on your phone during one!

anon, i just want you to know that this thread is beautiful.

>>10143678
Or if you make a terrible pun. Or if you have a nervous twitch he finds threatening. Or if you let your dog pee on his lawn. Or if you take too long ordering from a drive through...

He's not an asshole, he just has a short fuse.

Oh man, the teenage years are going to be difficult for him.

>>10143925
If you make his daughter cry...

>>10144393
If you make his daughter cry an explosive death is the least of your worries.

>>10144448

From his perspective, his daughter (and maaaaaaybe his ex-wife) is the only person who isn't fair game for slaughtering. Which means that when she gets hormonal or throws a tantrum or starts an argument he's going to need to focus all his energy on *not* killing her. And she knows that, so she might well use it against him. He probably spends many, many nights staring at his tortoise to calm down.

Other teenage girl things are going to cause terrible problems. The first time she menstruates, for instance, could happen at Dad's house. Eversor smells blood, then hears his daughter scream in terror. The rampage would only end once his ex-wife could somehow get him to understand that its a perfectly normal part of a woman's life.

The ex-wife must be incredibly ballsy.

>>10144693
"Moooooom, I need to talk to you. Darryn won't take me to the Prom and I tried to talk to Dad about it but he's just been staring at the tortoise again."

>>10144693
He doesn't have a problem with *not* killing his daughter. But teenagers are frustrating for anyone to deal with, even drug-crazed murder-machines. Thankfully, he's always got the tortoise.

Someone write GW and pitch this as a sitcom.

>>10144890

I'm trying to imagine him getting hammered at the bar as an alternative to tortoise staring, but I just can't. He's already got pcp blood, mere booze isn't going to do anything. I can see him surrounded by a forest of glasses and bottles, draining each one in one gulp then getting another. Bit like those scenes with Death from one of the Discworld books.

>>10144890

That's what I mean. His primary response to problems is murder, possibly followed by arson. A situation where murder is not a viable solution would flummox him.

>>10144890

I keep imagining him phoning up one of his friends to blow off steam. As its another Eversor, it's basically just a screaming match down the phone.

"WWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRYYYYY?"
"WRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYY!"
"WRRRY WRRRRRRYYYYY, WRRRRRRY WWRRRRRY."
"WRY."
"WRY."

>>10145026
I lol'd

>>10144976
Imagine him mowing the lawn and then when he walks into his shed there's this massive armory there that no one but his family seems to notice.

The image of him calming down by staring at a tortoise is too hilarious. Where the fuck are the drawfags?

>>10145175

This post makes me wonder, anyone else getting this whole sorta Bill Door vibe from Eversor Dad?

>>10145226
It's not just you. But he's still an assassin. He just has a family as well...no one knows why.

>>10145248
Well what is Death, if not an assassin? He kills people. That's his entire existence. Shit guys, we made a 40k version of Pratchett's Death.

>>10145287
How dare you! Death doesn't kill anyone! He explicitly says so in Mort.

>>10141382

Roll the window down so I can fire my M60. Get some!

>>10145308
Okay sorry, he doesn't kill anyone. But he essentially takes lives, whichever way you look at it. The only difference is the Eversor is significantly less subtle and takes lives before the person is dead.

>>10145327
And Bill Door was when Death stopped being Death.

>>10145504
Everyone needs some time off. This is pretty much what the eversor is doing when he's not out killing people, which is as close as they get to vacation (cryostasis notwithstanding)

i can picture eversor dad teaching his daughter to drive.

someone cuts his daughter off so he leaps from the car dismembers them and rips their car to shreds and jumps back in and shows her the correct way to overtake something

>>10145504
Also, Bill Door was a rather meek and kind farmer. Eversor-Dad is a sitcom dad who occassionally murders people who inadvertantly trigger one of his KILL-reflexes.

>>10145748

The rest of the time he gives off a permanent "I TIRE of this shit" vibe. Kinda like whichever 'Cron that is that hangs out with Dranon.

>>10145789
Not so. He's just a normal guy otherwise.

>>10145789
Lolcron

>>10145932
We better not have made the Drizzt of the Eversors.

I kill my passenger. I am the Eversor.

>>10145995
No way. Drizztsor would be some kind of heroic crimefighter dude fighting against his rage.

Eversor-Dad is just a normal guy who loves his daughter...except that he can and does murder people in the time it takes for you to blink.

>>10146077
Maybe Drizztsor's the new step-dad, the ex-wife's new husband? The two eversor went to school together.

I would CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED

>>10146277
The mere thought of that makes me want to stare at a tortoise for a solid hour.

She's a growing girl, at the cusp of womanhood.

He's a drug fuelled killing machine who just wants to get through the day.

But there's one thing they can both agree on!

Mr Shelly. *Shot of the Tortise, all three of them hugging/staring at it*

Until one day...

*Wrrryyyyy, gate broken, tortoise seat empty*

A story of one mans quest to find the PEACE he knows is INSIDE him. Inside the TORTOISE.

Shelly and the Neuro-Gauntlet.

In cinemas, this fall.

>>10146277
*shudder* No way.

>>10146585

The Stepdad should be Bob. He's a chartered accountant. It's just so nice for his ex to have a NORMAL BOYFRIEND, m i rite?

>You call a Taxi and get in and pay your fare

how do I know what my fare is before we even start going anywhere?

christ, the meter hasn't even started counting yet.

>>10146655
YOU'LL DO AS THE EVERSOR FUCKING TELLS YOU!

pshhhh mortals needing cabs...

>>10146670

but I haven't even told the eversor where he is going to take me.

this isn't a fucking bus where I just step off when it is roughly where I want to be, it's a fucking taxi.

Eversor's boss is -so- getting an angry phone call.

>>10146697
WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! *blood and guts and shit*

>>10146697
Come on man, have a heart. He's only doing this to help put his daughter through school. It's like his first day, give him a break. Or he'll give you several. Or rather, all of them.

>>10146822
As well as your heart...fed to you.

>>10146836
Which is really a non-issue if he doesn't have one.

>>10146898
Good point.

Has this thread been archived yet?

>>10147017
Indeed it has. Always best to check the archives before asking.

>>10147085
excellent!

Oh my god. What if the ex's new boyfriend was this asshole frat-boy guy who kept trying to get the Eversor to play touch football with him or something?

>>10145182
Everything's gonna be alllllllriiiiight

>>10147185
ROCK-A-BYE!

>>10142176
The Eversor is like Yakety Sax. Perhaps instead of XKCD's seminal work, "River Tam Beats Up Everyone", /tg/ should make a film - 'An Eversor Assassin goes to Hollywood". Three hours and fourty five minutes of WRRRRYYYYY as he cuts down guidos, starlets, 'breakthrough hunks', veterans, award winners, b-movie ham actors, porn actresses and waiters alike.

give im a beer

>>10147396
You'd give a beer to someone who is, at nearly all times, hopped up on superdrugs? what makes you think it'd have any effect?

Papa Eversor staring down his tortoise is priority one, but for number two on the drawfag's list I request Eversor and his daughter meeting LIVII and Lofn in a school parking lot.

>>10147634
Have you never just drank a beer?

Shit is delicious.

>>10147733
Can Eversor even taste?

>>10148299
fear?

>>10148299

This is 40k, and everything is over the top. He can probably taste at a distance. Or the superdrugs give him synesthesia, so he smells fear (no, really) and tastes purple.

>>10147719
Awwwwwww

ONE WAY TRIP.

>>10147733
I don't drink. Often. Doesn't end well. I do, very rarely, go and buy myself a 20 dollar t-bone and a four pack of guiness to drink when I don't have to do anything later that day, which is rare in itself though.

WRYYYyyy...yy...

Bump

>>10147733

Beer, like many other types of alcoholic drinks, is an acquired taste.

Eversor dad on the weekends. Lounging on the couch in a vest, underwear and skull mask, holding a beer and watching TV.

>>10150957
how far did that bastard fall to end up looking like that?

>>10156106

It's a soft-shelled turtle. They're very popular in eastern cuisine, apparently. Good with chicken.

Any drawfags about willing to do Eversor vs Tortoise staring competition?

>>10150957
But that's not a tortoise!

bamp

>>10141382
Ask him if he wants to join me in some Xeno killing.

Bump in case drawfags spot this.

Also, how big is this tortoise? Little small one or one of those huge Galapagos ones?