MASTURBATE

Sorry. Corrected House status is:

Mansion Status:
Facilities: Beachfront property
Kitchen: Fair (2 of 5)
Decor: Poor (1 of 5)
Gardens: Poor (1 of 5)
Repair: Lousy (0 of 5) (Destroyed Washing Machine)
Beach: Average (3 of 5)

>>9052790
How to start a day right.

>>9052773
Welcome our 2 newest maids the traditional way, by having them walk in on us masturbating

I'd say we need to look clear up into the ceiling, grasp our penis, and give it a vigorous fondling.

Reginald.

>>9052773
Go see what Felicia is up to!

>>9052773

Repair house.

Shoot with reginald.

Romance Kat.

>>9052790

You begin the day with your traditional activity: you pull down your pants, whip out your morning wood, and start to jerk off.

It's working pretty well, and you've managed to get the events of yesterday out of your head and really start cranking it, when the door opens, and a cute catgirl comes in balancing a tray of breakfast on her head.

She looks up at you, blinks, and cocks her head to one side. "Nyuuu?"

WHAT DO!?

>>9052811
This.

>>9052811

Keep the tradition going. Do it.

>>9052773
Work on Repair, try to find out what happened to the Beach to lower the score.

Also, try to determine whether Reginald is actually a loli in manly-man shaped power armor.

>>9052790

i see zero reason to break a perfectly good habit.

>>9052805
Repair that fucking mansion.
Also, recruit a loli maid without a penis.

>>9052790
our libido is still confused, if we masturbate now we might end up with some sort of bizarre, unworkable sexuality

>>9052841
Aim for her, hope she hiss at penis.

phase 1
1. hire 2 maids
2. go to craiglist, find 3 hookers, tell them I have a maid fantasy
3. ????
4. success

phase 2.

1. go to craigslist
2. find cheap labourerers
3. ????
4. profit!

>>9052841

This can't end well...

>>9052841
Put it away, have breakfast.

"So, what's nyuu with you, Felicia?"

>>9052841

Carry on. Buisness as usual. Nothing to see here.

Continue.

>>9052841

we weren't ready for this. pull up the sheet, but leave one hand on the junk- maybe still working slowly as long as nobody else enters. ask her to put the food on the bedstand and leave so yo ucan finish your business.

>>9052773

Have Samantha fix the decor, and have katherine do the gardening. Felicia can pick up the trash on the beach, and Alicia can clean up the kitchen.

Come on, people, let's get to it!

>>9052858
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

>>9052841
keep jacking off, call in alicia as well

>>9052841

"Good morning." with a sleepy smile.

Don't break stride.

>>9052876
Seconded.

Sigh, reholster our package, share our breakfast with the catgirl.

>>9052805

That laundry machine needs to be replaced, preferably today.

Get Katherine to work on the gardens. Even if he doesn't know shit about gardening, he can get it cleaned up for someone who does. He's good at cleaning shit.

Samantha gets to work on the kitchen. Give her a little bit of money to buy what she needs to fix it up more.

Have a friendly chat with Reginald before having him get back to the carpentry. We'll have another shooting lesson this afternoon.

Bring Felicia and Alicia with us into town to get a new washing machine. We need to find out more about them, and this is a good chance to do so.

Plan to be home before the Mexicans arrive.

Ask for help.

>>9052876

thirded.

>>9052841
WE HAVE SINNED.
BEGIN WHIPPING SELF.
RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER.

She cocks her head with the breakfast balanced on her head?!

GRAB THAT SHIT BEFORE IT FALLS
Then eat breakfast while beating it.

>>9052888
>>9052882
>>9052879
>>9052878

You pull the sheets up over your pants and continue to work slowly. "Ummm. . . hi, Felicia. . . what's nyuu with you?" you ask.

"Nyuuuu. . ." Felicia walks over to your desk, puts down the breakfast, and turns to you, smiling. "Nyuu!"

Then, noticing a moving lump on the bedspread, her eyes widen. She ducks down into a ready stance, stalking her prey, her tail swishing back and forth, ready to pounce. . .

CRISIS MODE ENGAGE! FIRST RESPONSE DECLARES ACTIONS!

NEVER!
We have a duty to keep this tradition alive for 27 more days. ONWARDS.

>You fall asleep and have weird-ass dreams about girls with giant penises riding on monstrous washing machines chasing you around the house laughing maniacally. . .

(from last thread)

OP wins.

>>9052936

STOP!

NO DICK CLAWING.

PAIN IS BAD.

>>9052936
GUARD SELF

>>9052876
I see no reason to put it away. Keep wanking while eating breakfast

>>9052936
BLAST HER WITH PISS

>>9052936

ROLL INTO DEFENSIVE POSITION

>>9052936
OSHITDIVEOUTWINDOW

>>9052936

JAM IT IN HER MOUTH

>>9052936

shriek loudly, and do an emergency bounce-flop onto our stomach

>Then, noticing a moving lump on the bedspread, her eyes widen. She ducks down into a ready stance, stalking her prey, her tail swishing back and forth, ready to pounce. . .

AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT CATS DO

>>9052936
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

MAKE LIKE GENE AND DRAGON KICK THAT BITCH TO THE MILKY WAY
JUNK MUST BE PRESERVED AT ALL COSTS

>>9052936
Grab her tail. Gently.

>>9052953

"No! Bad kitty!" you shout, batting her away. Felicia pouts as her ears lower. "Nyuuu," T_T she weeps.

You sigh as you turn to regard your breakfast. It seems it hasn't travelled too well. The toast, eggs, and sausages are all slid over to one side of the goddamn plate, and the orange juice is spilled all over the tray. What the fuck. . .

>>9052936

PREPARE TO REPEL BOARDERS! TURN INTO THE WIND AND DEFEND AGAINST HER BROADSIDE!

Seriously, it's too soon. If Alicia wanders in, we're in trouble.

>>9052991

Don't let her handle the food again, and rape her to teach her a lesson.

>>9052991
God
DAMN IT.

I knew getting a cat girl would be a terrible idea.

Fuck, I can't even finish anymore.

Put on indignant look and glare at her as our dick slowly deflates.

>>9052991
Look at breakfast. Look at Felicia.
"Well, you can have it if you want it."

>>9052991

Eat it anyway.

>>9052991
eh, even if the food has slid it's still edible. eat, keep wanking, ask felicia to go get us a new glass of juice

>>9052991

Apologise for making her feel bad and scratch her ear for a minute. We don't want her upset.

Also, ask if she could run our bath and prepare the khakis, riding boots and mirror shades for today's attire, as well as our usual shirt (assuming some weeaboo shit).

>>9053009
no rape in this game bro >:|

>>9053032

Well, you could rape if you really want to. :P

>>9052991
Put our breakfast aside and take care Felicia. Offer her one of the sausages and pet her head. Thank her for delivering the food and tell her you'd like to get dressed now.

>>9052991
Dawww...

Pet her for being adorable.

>>9052991

Eat breakfast. Inform Alicia that her catgirl is not suited to serve us breakfast; tell her to do it herself tomorrow.

Then, >>9052924

>>9053032
I don't recall agreeing to that

>>9053042

why bother? a little catnip will get us in her good graces easy!

>>9053042
yeah but I'm gonna keep voting against it

>>9053042
oh, and we do.

>>9052991
Share our breakfast with her. Scratch behind the ears.

Then go and ask Alicia what in the hell is up here. Also, compare Alicia's weight to that of a duck, which we should have done right after hiring her.

>>9053023
Replace our khakis with breeches and I'm with you. We also need a crop.

>>9053042
Thanks, not interested in rape.

>>9052991

ugh. have her wait in the room while you go get alicia to show her the tray- maybe while you're gone felicia will turn up some sort of sexy evidence....or the sock. whatever. (it's only been 2 days, it will just be dry and crusty.)

>>9053042
let's save that as our backup plan

We must challenge Samantha to a drinking contest.

Remember, it's not sleazy to get a girl drunk enough to fuck you if you're also totally blitzed at the time.

>>9053043
>>9053023
>>9053018

You scratch her behind the ear and call her a good kitty. She perks up again, and then runs off to get you a new glass of juice. You manage to make a decent breakfast out of what remains of your food, then get dressed for the day.

It is now Morning of day 3 of 30.

Options: Assign staff (5 members) to the following tasks:

1. Do the cooking
2. Clean the house
3. Do Laundry
4. Go shopping
5. Clean up the Beach


You can also do one of the following:

1. Improve a facility
2. Talk to one of your staff
3. Masturbate or something, I dunno, you seem to do that a lot.
4. Ask someone to get a new damn washing machine.

We should work out if she does actually speak human or not. She seems to understand us, but one-sided communication will be an obstacle. A cutesy and manageable one, but we should get it clear first. Ask her to sit with us and ask again what is nyuu.

>>9053064
This.

>>9053065
And a spiffy red hunting jacket. And some beagles.

>>9053087
Current Plan B:
1. Have sex with trap
2. RAPERAPERAPE
3. ????
4. PROFIT

>>9053098

Get a new goddamn washing machine.

Also, have Felicia clean the beach, Kat cook, Sam do the laundry, Alicia clean the house, and Reginald do the shopping. Because Reginald drives awesome.

>>9053098
Okay, so whatever Felicia does is going to get royally botched.

Alicia cooks.
Reginald tidies up.
Samantha does laundry.
Katrina shops.
Felicia goes to the beach. She won't actually clean, but she might catch a fish.

And let's go buy a new washing machine.

>>9053111
>And some beagles.

We need beagles. And one welsh corgi.

Samantha - Cooking
Katherine - Beach (he knows what is still down there)
Felicia - Cleaning (give her a mop and suds, after running our bath. Super foamy.)
Reginald - Shopping (extra points for massive drift)

We should then go talk to Alicia. She's the blank corner of the map right now.

>>9053098

Wander about the house in a desolate fashion, a mixer of liquor in your hand while you tap a copy of Kipling's poems against your leg slowly. Melancholy.

"Bump into" Samantha while you're doing this. Allow talking to commence.

1. Do the cooking
Sam
2. Clean the house
Felicia
3. Do Laundry
Alicia
4. Go shopping
Reg
5. Clean up the Beach
Kath

1. Improve a facility
Repair that goddamn mansion or order a washing machine. Do whatever is necessary to get at least Repair: Decent (2 of 5).

>>9053098
The filthy beaners are arriving today, we should piss on them or something.

>>9053111
>>9053106
>>9053065

As you walk down into the main hall wearing your bowler hat, riding jacket, and riding outfit, you come across Reginald coming back from the shooting range with what looks like a pair of Barrett Light Fiftys under one arm. "Very ummm. . . sharp," he says, at your unusual attire.

Katherine nods and slides you a piece of paper as s/he gets up from the breakfast table, on her way to his/her morning tasks. . . fuck, let's just call her "her" because that's what everyone else does.

The note reads: "Alicia weighs less than a duck."

>>9053098
Have Samantha cook, and have katherine do the gardening. Felicia can pick up the trash on the beach (don't trust her with anything sensitive), and Alicia can clean up the house. Reginald can do the shopping.

>>9053164

HOLY FUCKING SHIT ALICIA IS A WITCH

BURN HER!

>what looks like a pair of Barrett Light Fiftys under one arm.

>light fifties

>under one arm

>>9053164
SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

CALL THE INQUISITION

>>9053164
A witch! A witch! Burn the witch! Suffer her not to live!!

>>9053164
>Alicia weighs less than a duck

I FUCKING KNEW IT

>>9053183

No... stay thy hand, fair Anon. A practitioner of the magic arts shall verily have untold uses in the future.

>>9053164
We are dapper. Awesome!

>>9053183

She's also the hottest. And most likely to fuck our shit up if we move against her. She's more dangerous than Reginald.

We need to approach this tactically. First off, let's find out if she had anything to do with the washing machine going axe crazy.

>>9053183
Uh, let's not call the inquisition just yet.

Even if she's a witch, she's also a maid, and we need those.

MAIDS BEFORE... TRADES...?

>>9053164

Magic fixes for EVERYTHING!

LOLI MAIDU!

>>9053183
HERESY? IN MY MAID STAFF?

rolled 7 = 7

>>9053164
>Witch in the house
>ROLL FOR PERILS

At the best oppertunity, we should reveal our knowledge by asking Alicia to "attack the darkness" or "cast the spells that makes the peoples fall down."

>>9053219
You called?

>>9053164
I thought the duck question had something to do with her being as lesbian or not.

rolled 4 = 4

>>9053252
IT'S MORE LIKELY THAN YOU'D THINK

In the meantime, let's not allow Felicia and Alicia to do anything without supervision. Why don't we have them help Reginald with the repairs? He should be able to handle a puny witch.

>>9053261
I did not expect that.

Wait, you're not Spanish.

>>9053232

So she has huge tits. But does she have... DEM LEGS

>>9053261

Oh god, our next maid has to be an inquisitor.

>>9053145

I will go with this first response.

You send Felicia down to clean the beach. From what you can see, she's spending most of her time chasing bugs and frolicking in the waves. What the hell. It gets her out of the way.

Kat tries her best in the kitchen. She doesn't do a particularly good job, but she does manage to make sandwiches. You're starting to get a bit sick of them. Whatever.

Sam tries to do the laundry. She sighs as she finds out that there's no washing machine. . . so she'll head into town and order a new one.

Alicia manages to clean the house. You're not sure how since she spends most of her time sitting on the couch watching TV. But the house gets clean. At one point you think you see a broom drifting down the hallway, sweeping on it's own.

Reginald goes shopping. He does it awesomely because he's that manly.

Around 2 pm, you hear a knock on the door. It's the dude from the appliance store who came by yesterday.

"Hey," he says. "I brought the guys." He gestures to the back of the truck.

You look in the back of the truck. You do a double take.

>>9053261
Uh.

HYPOTHETICALLY, if my servant were a witch, would I just get off with a slap on the wrist and an exterminatus free day?

>>9053264

More than a duck = lesbians.

Less = WIIIIITCH! And probably lesbians.

Also, Witch with big tits, black hair, and a familiar that can only go nyuu? SOUNDS LIKE THE PRINCE OF AKASHA UP IN THIS BITCH!

If Alicia is a witch, she should turn Kris into Katherine

>>9053164

after our firearms lesson, we need to somehow find out what it is that felicia is good at, aside from being the lovable screw up.

but wait, we should have a gin+tonic with reginald before we get off the firing line. perhaps try and see if he'll spill a war story.

Alright, let's get these girls working on their chores, then get to know Alicia. I suggest asking her to come to us in our study to talk. Nonchalantly put our copy of Unaussprechlichen Kulten on the desk.

>>9053283
Oh, I'm glad about not hearing that joke anymore. It's only really funny when we get a chance to come in after someone mentions the Inquisition in an unrelated manner. More true to the joke, really. Now, tell me about this witch. I'm led to understand she's our...maid?

>>9053321

...

THIS IDEA. IT IS PERFECT.

>>9053304
Mexican loli?

>>9053304

MARIACHI BAND

>>9053308
No, the entire maid staff would have to be purged.

>>9053343
MARIACHI BAND!!!

>>9053304

Oh god, what now...

Also, how exactly are you deciding which suggestions to follow OP? Several people suggested getting a new washing machine ourselves.

>>9053321
....
Now. Please.

>>9053304

ROBOT COCKS?

>>9053340

It would be exactly what the poor girl/guy wants, wouldn't it? Save him a ton on surgery and it'd be a more complete job, anyway!

>>9053304
"NEVER FEAR, FOR IT IS I: DON JORGE ANTINO MARTIN VELASCO-CABRALES!"

>>9053352

We also suggested a smarter distribution of our chores.

>>9053340
THIS

>>9053360
Yeah probably, I'm up for it.

>>9053321

this. and what are we double-taking, perhaps the small army of latina loli help?

>>9053308
Well, how attached are you to the rest of the people? And the house. And possibly your own life, if we find warp taint on you.

>>9053248
Meido, not maidu. Learn to weeaboo.

>>9053346

DON'T LET REGINALD HEAR THAT

>>9053383
very attached

>>9053360
If that gets all the trap crap out of the quest, I'm all for it.

> she spends most of her time sitting on the couch watching TV.

Alicia sounds bro-tier. Let's pursue her without tricks.

>>9053304

"My name is Indigo Montoya, the drape and fabric colourer. You called my office. Prepare to dye."

>>9053402
You, ma'am, are not from Wakfu :(

>>9053304

You see a bunch of grey big-headed figures come out of the back of the truck, carrying large rayguns and sci-fi gear.

"WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ARE THESE?" you shout.

"Did I say illegal immigrants? I meant illegal ALIENS. Yup. They're aliens, all right."

You blink and give him a long, hard stare. "Look, like I said, they work cheap. It's a simple bargain. They can give you a bit of their tech, but in return. . ."

"In return, what?"

"Well, they need female genetic material from Earth," he admits. "Or something. . . I understand it means anal probes."

"So basically. . ."

"Yeah."

-----
DECISION POINT

1. Make the bargain. If you do, you can take any one of your six Mansion Status sets and raise it to 6. It will never decline, either. However, you will lose Relationship with one of your maids, the one you "volunteer" for the alien experiments.

2. Decline the offer.

MAKE CHOICE NAO!

>>9053402
DAT THOUSAND-YEAR OLD LOLI ASS

>>9053402
This looks like my gf.

>>9053343
HOT FEMALE MARIACHI BAND

Oh, and I think we can probably just hang out with Alica and just say "hey, I'm bored; want to fuck?" She sounds bro enough to go along.

>>9053402

>>no tricks

She's a fucking witch. We need a bunch of tricks and aces up our sleeve if we want to put her in her place without getting smeared across half a continent.

DECLINE.

>>9053414
Kris/Katherine.

for the lulz

>>9053414
Would we lose points if we used Kat for this?

>>9053414
Talk to Kat, tell her we have a chance to epically troll some aliens.

>>9053413
>Evangeline
>not Evangelyne
Learn to spell proper nouns.

>>9053414
Aw man. 2. No way.
Our relationship statuses are precious to us.

>>9053414

give sam wine, then give her to the aliens. you already said we can't lose any favor with her, and it sounds like she wouldn't remember anyway.

>>9053414

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

GET THE GODDAMN M240!

NOW NOW NOW!

GET SOME! GET SOME! GET SOME!

>>9053414
Tell them to get the fuck out of here. No aliens are coming into my mansion armed with god knows what.

>>9053414

Felicia. But only if we can watch. Or at least listen through the door.

Decline this shit.

>>9053362
*Diceswoon!*

Decline.

>>9053414
Cheat. Go whack off, then have Alicia genderswap our splooge into ova.

>>9053397
Then I forsee some issues.

>>9053414
Xenos! Also, offer up Samantha. You can't drop her below a certain point of devotion anyway.

>>9053443
Just wait until you see the English dub.

>>9053414
GIVE THE SECTOIDS THE CAT GIRL AND RUN

I don't wanna get hit with a bunch of chrysalids a month down the line.

>>9053462
THIS

>>9053414
22222222
THEN PURGE THE XENOS

>>9053437
>>9053441

THIS. FUCKING THIS.

Failing that, ask Alicia how valuable her familiar is, and ask the aliens if the human genome can be hybridized a bit and still be useful.

>>9053463
Dealing with Xenos? What kind of Inquisitor are you?

>>9053414
>>9053437
Agreed. Give them the trap, it's not like we'll be sleeping with it anyway.

We can just hire a new maid if he/she/it starts to hate us. Preferably one without a penis.

>>9053414

"Oi, kat! You like things up your butt, right? Well, there are some aliens here who need to stick something up there. Go along with this and I'll pay for your surgery for sure!"

>>9053414
>>9053414

OP this just gets better and better.

>>9053441
>Interstellar Trolling

Oh /tg/. You make me lol.

All right, let's make this vote simple in two phases.

1. Accept or Decline? GO

>>9053481
The radical kind. Now shh! I want to see what happens next.

>>9053491
Good sir, you are an evil person. I like that.

>>9053491
Dude she's been on hard enough times already without getting signed over to a bunch of skeezy aliens.

We require more dakka.

I suggest we open the armory and get an LMG or GPMG and PURGE THE XENOS SCUM if they do not leave after tell them to GET THE FUCK OUT.

decline.

>>9053414
Tell Reginald that the aliens want to experiment on Samantha, and that we'd like some of their tech taken intact.

>>9053414

Can we make it look like the alien abduction had nothing to do with us?

Also, will they permanently damage their subject, or just anal probing fun?

Hold on; we're a pervert. We have a witch. Why not get genderswapped and do it ourselves? It isn't like we're not adventurous or anything. A true, upstanding Englishman understands to proper joys to buggery.

>>9053519

Accept. You have my vote, Counsellor.

Thumbs down

accept

Give them the catgirl.

>>9053517

DECLINE

>>9053534

Also a good decision in lieu of automatic weaponry.

>>9053519
Decline!

Ahaha, tell Reginald that the aliens want to bugger Samantha. Yes, that is a good plan.

>>9053519
Either >>9053534 or >>9053462

>>9053538

Why can't we just genderswap Katherine, then, on the condition s/he does this?

>>9053528
Do I look like I give a damn?

>>9053534
I want this. Totally.

>>9053463
HOLY CRAP
Offer up Samantha but get tech first.
Then tell Reginald they kidnapped her.
SHIT GETS REAL

Decline, we have the money to fix shit normally.

decline

>>9053538
Or we could do that.

Yes, this works quite well.

>>9053538

could be epic...

>>9053519
accept

>>9053519
ACCEPT

I DESIRE TO FEAST ON ALIEN TEARS

>>9053519
Accept.

We can get new maids, but alien tech... that's rare.

If the answers to >>9053475

are not satisfactory, then >>9053534

If we do go the Sam/Reginald double cross, we'll need to inform them both FIRST. Otherwise bad things will happen to us.

Accept!

I vote for either
>>9053567
Or, if Kat declines,
>>9053538

>>9053517
I fucking lol'd

Felicia is pretty useless, let's offer her up to be anal probed.

>>9053414
Accept. Sometimes, rich people have to accept that poor people can and should pointlessly suffer for their benefit.

Accept. I want to see the fallout.

>>9053580
>>9053558
>>9053534

I like the cut of your jib.

"Samantha?" you say, as you come across her walking out to the garage. "The new Washing Machine is here."

"Oh? Already?"

"Yeah, in the back of the truck."

"Oh, okay! Let me see."

Samantha walks over to the back of the truck. A moment later, a raybeam flies out, grabs her, and drags her into the truck. There is a shriek.

You take a deep breath, make your SCARED face, and run into the house. "REGINALD! REGINALD!" you scream "SAMANTHA WAS KIDNAPPED BY ALIENS AND THEY ARE DOING SEXY. . . I MEAN HORRIBLE THINGS TO HER!"

There is a moment of silence.

>>9053609
This isn't about double-crossing Sam or Reginald.

This is about calling over Reginald, telling him the aliens want to experiment on Samantha and that we want their tech mostly intact, and letting him get to it.

>>9053570
I love you. You should visit this board more often.

FELICIA IS NON SENTIENT. SHE HAS NO RIGHTS.

ASK ALICIA IF WE CAN LOAN HER LITTLE MUTANT TO THE SECTOIDS FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

>>9053609
But that would tip them off.
Reginald will make it out just fine.

>>9053646

>>9053656
I visit it daily.

(Also, buy me a drink and dinner first.)

>>9053651
The idea was for them both to know we planned on fucking the aliens over.(ie: They both know that it is a giant fucking trap.)

I apologize for any difficulty my poor word choice imposed on you.

If all romantic harem animoos were like this, I would like Japan a lot more.

>>9053646
And then the world exploded.

>>9053646

>There is a moment of silence.

BRACING FOR AWESOME

>>9053646

Way to epicly, awesomely fuck up /tg/. You guys rock.

Qucik! Epic adventure with Reginald starts NOW.

>>9053646

OHSHI-

>>9053646
QUICKLY WE MUST RESCUE HER
JUST LET THESE DUDES FINISH THE WASHER

>>9053646
BRACING FOR AWESOME

>>9053646

And then shit gets real.

You don't remember much of what happens next, only that Reginald comes marching out of the house carrying a Bren Gun in each hand, and a bandolier of grenades across his bare chest. With a cigar clenched between his teeth, he charges the truck, roaring in anger.

There is a lot of gunfire. There are a lot of rayguns fired. . . from what you can hear, it's a fairly even match. Seems the Xenos are putting up a good fight.

The gunfight still rages. . . WHAT DO?

>>9053666

Indeed. Grays are telepathic.

Get a gun and be ready to aid Reginald. Hopefully, the noise will also attract Alicia, who can cast magic missile.

>>9053733
Masturbate.

>>9053733

OP, I fucking love you. This shit is hilarious. ENTER THE BATTLE.

>>9053733
go tell Alicia to help you steal ALIEN MAGIC.

>>9053733
go wank?

>>9053733

Get gun. Run around the edge of the parking lot to flank the sectoids. Aim carefully, hit them and not Sam.

Call for Alicia.

>>9053733
Well, we have a .22 and we need to prove to Reginald which side we're on.

Take to the field.

>>9053733
>>9053733
Get Alicia in there to reinforce Reginald.

>>9053733
FLANKING POSITION
PROVIDE VALUABLE INTEL FOR REGINALD
COMMUNICATE VIA CODEX

>>9053733
Call in Deathwatch. Or, barring that, shoot the xenos yourself of course! You're armed, are you not? Now go and fight!

>>9053740
OH GOD

Yes. This what our character would do, I suppose.

Needs some classy 'butler manning up' music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pe-MIDDfckw

>>9053740

This,

Get Alicia also and see if she is willing to help.

>>9053740
>>9053743
>>9053744
Do all of these things.

Guys, guys.

Samantha is our Head Maid. She's devoted to us. After this debacle with the aliens, we should make it up to her.

Give her the rest of the day off, medical attention (if necessary) and some good old fashioned tender loving care. She'll forgive us for this. You'll see.

>>9053733
"I NEED A WEAPON."

>>9053675
I was thinking more of something along the lines of starting an evil corporation in order to spread misery around the world. Drink and dinner for that would even be tax deductable.

>>9053733

if you learned anything, you still have the .22 in a holster somewhere on you-- get in there and put on your war face!!!

(except we should either follow reginald's lead or just kind of look cool and try to impress sam...)

Lower our mirror-shades and take out the .22, ducking from cover to cover to reinforce.

>>9053733
The answer is obviously, grab a 1911 and extra mags, and GET STUCK IN.

Get Alicia too, to provide support magic.

>>9053733

SPRINT to Reginald's Toyota, start that motherfucker, and RUN THE XENOS OVER.

WE HAVE TO HELP REGINALD

HE IS OUR ONLY HOPE

Also, we decide to never, EVER make him mad.

>>9053774
She doesn't need to know about it. The aliens tricked us with their Xenotech.

>>9053740
Masturbate at the aliens.

Reginald will break their bodies, we will break their spirits!

>>905373

At first I thought to have Alicia magic them away, but magic is unpredictable and we might forfeit the alien tech if we do that.

Let's get a gun from storage and KILL THE FUCKERS!

STUN ROD LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER

get Alicia to drain the power cells of the alien weapons

>>9053797

Actually, changing my choice to this.

Grays have big eyes.

Aim for them.

>>9053777
Yes, but first you need to make an initial investment.

Which, in this case, is dinner and a drink.

How's Friday sound to you?

>>9053778
A .22? Seriously? We'd do more damage by throwing the gun at them. Grab the nearest power tool and go to town.

>>9053807
I like the way you think.

You run into the house and find Alicia. She is sitting on the couch playing Bayonetta. For a moment, you wonder about that, then shake your head. must be pure coincidence.

"What is it, love?" she asks, looking up from killing penis-angels with foot-guns.

"Reginald is fighting aliens! We have to help!"

"Aliens, eh? Filthy buggers. . ." Alicia sighs and gets to her feet. "Well, I'd better see what I can do."

She heads out to the front yard. The first thing you hear is a loud shriek, then bats. Tons of fucking bats.

You didn't even know there were bats in this part of town.

>>9053819
10 Bravery!
advicerookie.jpg
Let's do this!

>>9053828

Grab a 1911 or CZ-75 and appropriate mags, at least 5.

GET STUCK IN.

>>9053828
Well, we can't stop now. This is bat country.

Go...

...

...talk to Felicia? I don't know.

>>9053828
After this, GROUP HUG FOR EVERYONE.
I LOVE YOU GUYS

>>9053828

>>9053807
When we do this, demand that the aliens show us their honor.

>>9053824

you've obviously never fired one on a variety of targets- they do pretty astounding damage with hollow-point ammo.

>>9053828

WAIT. MENTION THAT SAM IS IN THEIR CAR.

FUCK FUCK FUCK MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS THAT SAM IS IN THEIR CAR.

>>9053851
I...IDIOT! IT'S NOT LIKE I'M POSTING ON THIS THREAD FOR YOUR SAKE.

>>9053828

inb4 Bat country

Aerial support, sweet!

>>9053828

Let's hope some tech is left over.

Also, brofist to alicia. She is now my favorite.

>>9053824
Friday sounds good. Italian?

Jesus Christ, this thread is nearly full already.

>>9053828
Now time to look good in front of Samantha and her father.

You pull out your .22 and take a deep breath, then run outside, waving your gun around and shouting. You are immediately grabbed by Reginald, who drags you behind cover. "Git down, you wanker, they're usin' death rays on us." Immediately, you are answered by a burst of blue death rays from the back of the van. They seem to scorch whatever they touch, except when they touch something living. Then they burn it into ash. By the way, the front trellis morning glories are thrashed.

Idly, you wonder what happened to the truck driver. . . from the pile of ash under the front bumper of the truck, still smouldering, you think you have a decent idea.

You don't see Alicia anywhere. You do hear lots of bats, though.

>>9053865

this! we mustn't harm sam!

>>9053828
WE MUST CHARGE PERSONALLY

TO FAIL TO PARTICIPATE OURSELVES IS COWARDICE

>>9053858
Against aliens?

>>9053879
Manly + Pervy + Zany + Heartwarming = Win, bro.

>>9053885

Request deployment orders, and check our wheelguns load.

Make sure we have speedloaders ready.

>>9053828

>>9053885

IDEA.

Tell Reginald to be ready and get out the truck but stay in line. We then get in the front cab, floor then break and he goes in blazing while they are sprawled on the deck.

>>9053885
If we survive this, tell him he's fired if he ever calls us a wanker again. It may be a proper description for us but we're his boss. No insubordination.

>>9053885

Back off. Run around parking lot perimeter. Find cover. Flank aliens with Reginald.

>>9053885
They wrecked the morning glories?! THOSE ARE THE FLOWERS THAT DEFINE US AS A PERSON. FUCK SAM, THIS JUST WENT FROM RESCUE AND RAID TO REVENGE!

>>9053926
it's better than "master", dude

>>9053885

>truck driver is dead

Nobody to back up the Gray's story, is there? WE CAN TELL THEM ANYTHING WE WANT

>>9053875
Ooh, my favorite. Maybe we'll get on after all.

>>9053885
Go for the eyes with our pistol. It's all we have, apparently.

>>9053885
Begin playing "Always", by Erasure.

Then, when the aliens come out to live in HARMONY HARMONY, shoot them.

>>9053885
God damn it, not the morning glories.

>the front trellis morning glories are thrashed.

AI-YAH! Do they know HOW LONG it took to grow those?!

Give Reginald covering fire with the .22, Blind fire Preferably, but making sure to aim 'in their area' so they duck/take cover, but no chance of hitting Sam.

Have Reginald snipe them

GOD DAMN IT WHERE IS THAT AWESOME X-COM ROOKIE RIDING THE CYBERDISK SHOOTING THE SHIT OUT OF STUFF IMAGE WHEN I NEED IT

I CAN NEVER FIND IT

Just where is Princess Magictits? She came out with bats and then left. TELL HER TO HELP.

>>9053958
>>9053943
Actually, no. Fuck that. Whip off our shirt, stand up, fire the pistol gangsta-style while flashing a sign with our other hand.

Back up in yo' ass with the resurrection!

Magic tits has obviously transformed into the tons of bats, try to give her cover as if too many death rays hit those bats she's F-'d

>>9053965
Maybe she's a vampire?

>>9053965

No Gemini, she IS the bats.

>>9053965
She IS the bats.

>>9053885
Wait... if the ray guns don't go through anything non-living, then being in the truck will be like being armored! The beams won't penetrate the windshield!

Alternately they will and we'll get ashed quick.

The Toyota. Go for it! Ram the front of the truck, that'll disorient them, and perhaps spin the back around to give Reginald an angle, and it won't hurt Samantha.

>>9053943
Excellent.

>>9053987
>>9054003

isthebatsmind

>>9054006
Brilliant!

>>9053987

Then are we the Joker?

"Hey, aliens! Why so serious?! EEEHAHAHAHAHAAAA!"

Someone archive this. I just tried, but suptg told my laptop to stfu and didn't go.

>>9053950
>>9053946
>>9053933

Rage fills your heart.

They burned the morning glories
they burned
the damn
morning
glories

. . .

You stand up, screaming, and blaze away with your .22 in the general direction of the aliens.

> 1
> 1
> 4
> 5
> 6
> 6

You manage to plug two of the aliens in the head with your bullets, and a third and fourth get body shots. Your last two rounds go wild.

The last few aliens turn towards you. They raise ray guns. . .

And then disappear in a flurry of bats. They are carried away kinda like Claudia Black in that one Vin Diesel movie, torn to pieces as they are shredded in mid-air.

Alicia comes out of the house, chewing on a candy bar. "What was all this noise?" she asks, nonchalantly.

>>9053885
DESTROY THE ALIENS WITH THE POWER OF ROCK ANTHEMS FROM THE SEVENTIES AND EIGHTIES

>>9054006
If they don't go through anything non-living...

... They won't go through our clothes.

Men, we may as well be wearing a Terminator suit. Let's get these fuckers.

>>9054040

Quick! Run forth to save Samantha from the Probulator. Engrave image in mind.

>>9054040
They burned the morning glories you stupid whore! Where is your sense of respect for the fallen?!

Look around for a mirrored surface of some sort.

Draw a crude human face on the mirror with dirt, and peek above the cover with it in hopes that the aliens will reflect a death ray off of it and disintegrate themselves.

Feel clever if it works, explain that "it always works in the movies" if it fails spectacularly.

Note to self... buy more morning glories. Trip on morning glory seeds.

>>9054040

"Alicia? I thought you were the bats?"

Run into the truck to rescue Sam.

>>9054053
I agree. Do we, perchance have a cell phone with a camera on our person?

>>9054040
Have Reginald Secure Samantha
Ask Alicia to talk privately
In private let her know you know what she did and despite that, you are not ascared of her and would like her to feel more comfortable and open around you. depending on how things go. its time to hit first base (kiss her)

>>9054040

Brofist and thank alicia.

>>9054040

>They burned the morning glories
>they burned
>the damn
>morning
>glories

Get in there and save Samantha. Be humble about it, it's not like you risked your life with that last stunt or anything.

Also, where the fuck is Kat?!

Take the two captured aliens, send them to our research facility. Also, take one of the death rays for our own use.

But rescue Sam first. In properly dashing fashion, carrying her out of the Probulator bridal-style.

>>9054053

You immediately run into the back of the truck to find Samantha suspended from the ceiling by strange cords. She has a glowing sphere gag in her mouth, and something up her nethers. She winces and turns her head away, blushing. . .

WHAT DO?

>>9054125
Cut her loose while respecting her privacy.

>>9054125

Remind her she needs to make dinner.

>>9054125
Masturbate.

>>9054125
We should rescue the poor lass....
>Failed save vs Lechery
Masturbate!

VENGEANCE FOR THE MORNING GLORIES

rip off your shirt, leap atop the cap of the truck, strike the Pose, and bellow-

WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

>>9054125
Free her while engraving the image in our mind. That will be fap material later.

>>9054125
Apologize profusely for taking so long, and 'avert' eyes when removing anal probe. cut bindings, remove gag.

>>9054125

Avert our eyes, untie her.

Then wait outside the truck while she arranges herself.

>>9054125
Help her down.

>>9054159
+1

>>9054125
Help her down, give her a reassuring hug.

Take her inside, give her day off and something hot to eat/drink.

Thank both Alicia and Reginald for their trouble.

>>9054125
Masturbate.

Alternatively, cut her down and then have the decency to turn around and let her get the probulator out while you're not looking.

>>9054125
Activate Adrenaline Rush.
Shoot cords in slow motion.

Okay, vote choice

General consensus being free her. Question being, do we want to be a lech about it, or would we rather be respectful

VOTE NAO!

>>9054125

Shoot the anus-thing, and untie her.

For GOD'S SAKE do NOT let Reginald see his daughter like this.

Untie her and carry her out. Pose dramatically, Captain Morgan pose.

>>9054173
"Avert" eyes.

>>9054173

Respectful, due to Reginald being behind us and quite heavily armed.

>>9054173
Be respectful.

>>9054125

AWWWW we didn't stop it before she was defiled T___T

on the other hand, ENGRAVE THIS IMAGE IN YOUR MIND

>>9054173

Respect.

She is our head maid, after all. And it is our fault. File image from when we came in away for future fapping.

>>9054125

In the moment where it's acceptable to be in horror, engrave the image. Then avert your eyes as much as possible before running to her. Pat her head reassuringly.

"Oh my God... those bastards!"

Professionally (as Reginald may well be watching), take the probe out her nethers and secure it for 'research' later. Then take off her gag and cut the ropes, lowering her to the floor of the van and holding her.

"I'm so sorry... if only I had have been smarter! I should have known what they were going to do!"

Weep for her.

>>9054173
Avert eyes. Reginald is right fucking here.

>>9054173
Reginald could walk up behind us at any time. Respectful.

Besides, Sam seems like the type to go for nicer guys.

>>9054125
Remove the restraints and other items. Hand them to Reginald, tell him to use them to secure the captured aliens. Then escort Sam back into the house and make her a proper cup of tea and some nice scones. Make sure to remember the clotted cream and strawberry jam on the side.

>>9054173
MASTURBATE DAMN IT

Otherwise all we got out of this was ruined flowers.

RESPECT

MIND THE TWIN BREN GUNS BEHIND YOU

>>9054173
Both. Comfort her(while getting in a free grope), and take some time to fap once she's free

>>9054173

Neither. Do it suave and sensually, with as much skin contact as possible, but don't acknowledge it.

>>9054173
Slight lech.
"Do you want me to take it out, or do you want to move it yourself?"

>>9054173
Respect. If we want sex, we can wait until she's willing; she'll stay with us longer and she'll be better at it.

>>9054173
Be as heroic as possible and respectful. She'll think you were the hero in this scenario!

>>9054173

We don't need to be a lech about it, we've already seen her naked with a probe in her ass. Not to mention her father is nearby.

Be respectful, but engrave image in our mental fap folder. Let her get her clothes back on, then make sure no one is injured.

Then, hire a scientist maid to get to work on their tech.

respectful

BE SURE TO ACT AS THOUGH YOU ARE SHOCKED AND APPALLED.

You should've known the "washing machine" wouldn't have been "delivered" that quickly, and you want to make it up to her for having put her in danger because of your lapse in intuition.

You get to be a class act in atoning for your 'mistake', which could potentially form a closer bond with Samantha.

AND you divert any suspicion from yourself in the ordeal, as she is the only other living being (that you know of) that knows what the actual set-up for the abduction consisted of.

rescue, avert eyes, engrave image on mind.

no lechery in front of reginald.

>>9054173
Respectful. The juxtaposition between our respectful manner/intent and the involuntary enormous blush + tremendous boner we're sporting should work nicely.

>>9054173
Take her down and clutch her tightly in my arms, asking if she's okay in a distraught tone.

awww I wouldn't have voted for the doublecross if I'd thought the aliens would have time to actually rape her X____X

... on the other hand, this is a maid game. Rape just... happens.

>>9054190

Bullshit check. . .

> 1

FUCK.

You will need to burn five experience to pull this off. Do or not do?

>>9054249

Oh that sounds pretty

>TWIN BREN GUNS

DO IT MOTHERFUCKER DO IT

>>9054249
do

>>9054249
Do it.

>>9054249
Burn them. It is worth it.

>>9054249

We must. A fuckup here is going to cost us more than 5XP.

>>9054249
Yes. We'd have to deal Reg otherwise.

>>9054249

Sure, why not?

Then we can talk to Alicia about genderswapping Kat.

>>9054249
Burn 6 xp to do it (1 extra just to make it ultra convincing)

>>9054249

Burn 6.

And thank god for grammar nazis on this thread.

>>9054249
BURN IT NOW. WE DON'T WANT TO GET PEGGED FOR THIS

>>9054249
Can we go with slightly less bullshit? Overacting won't help our case either.

>>9054249
eh, time to be a lech then.
"Actually, if I had known this would happen I would have stayed around to watch"

>>9054249

Not do, just act like we're worried, and be unusually handsy while staying away from sexual areas, then tell her that we're just trying to figure out how to get her free as quickly as possible.

>>9054249
I would burn twenty XP to get out of this with my reputation intact/improved.

>>9054249

Do

BURN BABY BURN

Burn those motherfuckers like a cross.

>>9054249
>You will need to burn five experience to pull this off.
>Do or not do?

Uh, at this point, I think "Not Do" isn't even an option. We've got an angry, phenominally strong, fatherly-protective man hulk of a butler who would likely be interested in skinning us alive if he were to find out what ACTUALLY transpired.

>>9054248
In my defense, when I proposed the double-cross, I'd expected it would just involve telling Reginald what the aliens wanted to do to his daughter, instead of actually volunteering her first.

>>9054258
>>9054261

Experience total, 17.

You act appropriately horrified and upset. . . you manage to cut Samantha down and cradle her in your arms. She rests her head on your shoulder as she throws her arms around your neck, weeping.

Reginald glowers at the dead aliens. "Filthy alien scum. Never trust a Reticulan. Lying buggers." One of them reaches up a hand in supplication before getting a round through the head.

Alicia, meanwhile, watches on with amusement. Seeing you carry Samantha out of the back of the truck, she gives you a smirk and a knowing smile before shaking her head and walking back into the house.

Given the madness of this day, it is decided to call it a day and give everyone the rest of the day off. Also, new thread upcoming.

-----
UPDATE

Samantha now has the "LOVE" flag activated.

You also have a choice: you can attempt to reverse-engineer the alien technology, or you can leave it alone.

YOUR CALL.

>>9054322

we all did. But, like I said, things work... differently in maid games. Hell, she's probably been felt up by tentacle demons like six times under the bandstand.

>>9054325
I say we take the xeno tech and study it, to better fight them in the future. But some might disagree with that sentiment of mine.

>>9054325
REVERSE ENGINEER THE DEATH RAYS FIRST.
then create a working copy. Arm Reginald.

>>9054325

Choice? That's not a choice at all! Get awesome alien tech!

>>9054325
Let's xcom that alien tech

>>9054249
Burn six. Five for the bullshit, one to tone it down to a far more believable level of bullshit while still accomplishing our goal of not being brutalized by an enraged British Butler of Doom.

>>9054325
And take some time with Alicia as some anon suggested earlier in the thread.

>>9054325

>attempt to reverse-engineer alien tech

GENDER SWAP DANGER! DANGER!

>>9054325

sell it to microsoft, for lulz and profit. with royalties, please.

>>9054325

Reverse Engineer.

We'll need a techmaid for this.

Maybe we'll find a way to use SCIENCE to help Kat.

>>9054325

Its about time we had a real conversation with Alicia.

Also, scientist-maid. We need to hire a scientist-maid to study the reticulan tech. Keep it in the toolshed until then.

Reverse Engineer that shit. Get a cute engineer maid if needed.

>>9054325
Tryst with maids.

Acquire tech.

>>9054366

We should hire ENGIE-TAN!

>>9054325
Reverse engineer it.
We're only doing whats best for humanity.

... so did we get the promised tech upgrade for the mansion out of all this?

>>9054364
German loli scientist. No morals, no shame.

>>9054354
I'm not just any anon... =(

>>9054337
>>9054336
>>9054335

From reverse-engineering the alien tech, you get:

2 working Death Ray pistols. The others are either broken in the fight or simply out of power with no way to recharge them.

1 set of alien upgrade tech. You can use this to upgrade any one Mansion characteristic to 6 permanently. Your choices are:

Kitchen: Decent (2 of 5)
Decor: Poor (1 of 5)
Gardens: Poor (1 of 5)
Repair: Poor (0 of 5) Washing Machine destroyed.
Beach: Poor (1 of 5)

Or you can use it to get a Special Bonus, at random.

Thirdly, you find a mysterious Alien Sphere. Whatever it was, it seems to have been hooked up to the probulator.

Vote on what to do with the upgrade tech naow

>>9054325
Reverse-engineer the tech. Tell Reginald to keep the last alien alive so that we can reverse-engineer it too.

Or so that we can have Alicia turn it into our female mad scientist maid.

>>9054364

And then, once she's done this, have the scientist maid use her newfound knowledge of alien technology to build a ROBOT MAID.

>Samantha now has the "LOVE" flag activated.

So we can stare deeply into those limpid blue eyes... cradle her slender frame against us tenderly...

>>9054362
Do your want your alien zappy guns to get a BSoD?

>>9054364

Seconded. Let's see if we can get both Sam and Alicia in love with us. We're on our way to a three-way here.

>>9054394

Let's go with "Repair." Since I think this mansion is going to be taking a shitload of damage in the days ahead.

>>9054394
Special Bonus. What other choice is there for a real man?

>>9054394
I though the beach was 3 of 5

>>9054394
upgrade repair. Also, i thought beach was at 3, or did felicia poop on it while we weren't looking?

>>9054394

Upgrade Repair.

Isolate the sphere, we can maybe use it on Kat.

Give pistols to Reginald, ask him if we can upgrade to a .38 special or .380

>>9054394
Cum on sphere.

>>9054394

Upgrade Repair to 6, as that would be the most expensive to do ourselves.

Put sphere and all other mysterious artifacts in woodshed and hire scientist maid.

sorry, yeah, beach is 3. Forgot to update it. :P

2 xp for catching a GM mistake. 19 total

>>9054394

ULTRA DECOR

WE NOW LIVE IN A VAULT

>>9054394
Beach should be a three thanks to Kat unless something has happened.

Is repair general appliances? If so I vote that.

>>9054394
I'm torn between Repair and Special Bonus. Can we get any idea what kinds of Special Bonus possibilities there are?

>>9054394
>Repair: Poor (0 of 5) Washing Machine destroyed.
to
Repair: Beyond human understanding (6 of 6) Washing Machine becomes mecha maid.

>>9054395
>Or so that we can have Alicia turn it into our female mad scientist maid.

Yes! This! Turn it into a moe scientist maid!

Clarify: What does "Special Bonus" mean, exactly?

>>9054394
Repair.

Keep the sphere and probe, it might be useful if one of the maids is feeling frisky...

>>9054394

apply alien updgrade to repair. and tuck sam into bed, give innocent, goodnight forehead kiss.

Wasn't the beach at 3?

>>9054394
Alright. heres what we do. Give one death ray to Reginald, keep the second for ourselves as a backup weapon (and an anti-reginald just in case).
Upgrade Repair to 6.
Keep Alien Sphere in room, dont touch it anymore than required.
Hire a Scientist/Theoretical Engineering Maid. (hot)

>>9054425

I wouldn't put it past her. We need to go to the store and get a spray bottle or something. And kitty litter.

>>9054462
And then less innocent goodnight breasts kiss

Need to know what "Special Bonus" means before voting.

>>9054472
make it a theoretical physicist maid

>>9054492 new thread is here

Man, if anybody ever breaks into our toolshed...

Carry Sam to her bed, and tuck her in. Forehead kiss is NECCESSARY.

You better make this d'awww worthy OP... not like half of this isn't awesome already.

I'll second holding back a raygun for personal use, as a last-resort backup.

Special Bonus.

>>9054462

I second this.

>>9054451
>Mecha maid.

>>9054451
Fuck year. Mecha-meido!
Are those "compatible"?

>>9054173
Hug Tom.