You are saddest song, played on smallest violin.

>>7894625
This reminds me of that thread where the guy was like trying to say eleven things in one sentence and it made negative sense and the thread became about that statement.

I am impressed by your ability to play such a small violin with such ease however. Do you use Blue Magery to shrink your body bits?

>Dick move, since my character would clearly have known that/

...because of your dragon lore skill?

>>7894550

Idiot.

>>7894550
Sounds like OP is a fag who needs to learn how to roll a character appropriate to the game the DM has set up.

Don't make a fucking starship pilot if he's going to have a planetside game, you mongoloid.

As for that Paladin shit, that's your fault for trying to negotiate with an winged magic-lizard engine of death.

>>7895161
Pretty sure its common knowledge. Althyough one of my friends took Lore (Tavern) so he knew things about monsters that he heard in taverns. So of course he told them after I found an opportunity that the best way to dispatch a lich is to sneak up and crush its bones to dust as a man said.

>>7895150

YOU are saddest song, played on smallest violin.

Stupidest thread on smallest board.

>>7894550

> -D&D One shot: Only time I played D&D. I did know that dragons were intelligent, but not that coloured dragons were all evil. GM did and decided not to tell me that, so he let my Paladin try to negotiate with the dragon before flame-breathing me and point blank. Dick move, since my character would clearly have known that/

Am I the only one that remembers how it was some odd game where several different groups switch DMs?

> not that it doesn't make it any less dicky

>>7895261
we're not /po/. Yet.

>>7895212
Lore (Tavern) would equate to your characters knowing where to find a tavern. Tavern Lore =/= Dragon Lore.

Also, your friend should have spoken up if he knew.

Allow me to share one of my many misadventures.

The setting is Dungeons and Dragons. I've rolled a Monk using one of the custom Monastery Order's our Dungeon Master had written out for her world. Our party consists of a Paladin, Wizard, Ranger, and a Barbarian.

Skipping all of the un-required details about our character personalities and builds. Somehow through the story and without any real reasoning, the DM would have me roll willpower tests when in situations that I could something quite counter productive or vicious, and any attempts to let anyone, whether in the party or outside it know. My character would forget it happened before anything was said or done.

Now being a Lawful Neutral pillar of Wisdom stat I found it odd that these occurrences were going on. Especially the forgetting without any form of roll test.

Not being one to try spoil a dm/gm's game or story I decided to just go with it and ask about it out of game before the next session. The only answer I got was “Just a bit of fun”

Now this went on for a while, with my succeeding every single will test she threw at me in these situations. Up until our game ended. We were preparing to enter one of the many dungeons everyone ever has gone into, the Barbarian and Ranger had entered the front of the cave and then out of the blue the Dm begins making rolls. She then looks over her divider and tells us “The monk sneak attacks the paladin and wizard, breaking their spines at the center of the neck.” Everyone goes WTF and the cave entrance closes trapping the other two party members inside and the DM has my monk walk off laughing evilly. No saving throws on any of our parts. She wanted to continue the game, but at that point no one was really interested anymore.

>>7895896
wat

>>7895896
No... Explanation?

>>7895896
OUTRAGEOUS
FUCKING
WHAT

>>7895896 She
Found your problem

>>7895896

From a 12 year veteran DM:

What.

>>7895896
Did that have ANYTHING to do with ANYTHING?!

>>7895896

Worst I ever had was in a game where the GM comes to me, after character creation, and tells me that my character is Schitzofrenic/multiple Personality Disorder and actually has levels in every class, except only when the appropriate personality was in charge. He'd roll a die at the start of every encounter and that would be what class I was at the time, and I never got to level any of them myself. This lasted about 2 sessions before I told him point blank that if I am going to play a psychopath out of my control, then I am going to murder the rest of the party in their sleep and end his shitty campaign because Hey, one of my many personalities must clearly be evil, its not my fault.

>>7896021

I could see it having been an interesting twist if there had been follow through. I hope my players don't get all bitchy when I pull something like this, since I have something similar planned.

>>7895896
THERE IS NO IMAGE MACRO RED ENOUGH TO EXPRESS MY RAGE.

>>7895896

Uhhhmmm... excuse me?

>>7896097

12 year Veteran again here: Don't fucking do it. Its stupid and your players WILL hate it. See all this reaction in this thread? This is what you'll get. Only in person, with people capable of punching you in the throat for wasting 6 months of their time.

>>7896122

I've wasted a week if it even turns out to be a waste in the first place, and it'll turn out that the player's character got mind switched with an elder lich and now inhabits the lich's body, with all its magical powers. The lich has the ability to resurrect all of the players that will be killed by the mind-controlled character.

I want to see what the player will do. Will he go for the power of the lich's body (and all the dangers that come along with it) or will his character long for the return of his body and hunt it down? I think it will be interesting.

>>7896176
What class is the swappee?

>>7896122
for the last time, you're not a veteran DM if you're only 12 years old.

>>7895832
Also how to kill a tavern, what a tavern eats, and a tavern's usual disposition and alignment.

>>7896198

Paladin, lawl. It's because his character's body is part of an over-arching plot on the part of the great Demon God of Undeath to usurp the power of the Sun God. He grabbed the demon-ring rather than destroying it on sight so it's sort-of his fault.

>>7896213

I didn't think I was being that ambiguous, but I'll laugh along with you if you like.

One of the campaigns I played in had orcs infiltrating a major city in the world. The orcs did it under disguise so no one knew they were even invading. The DM made hints that a lot of people had suddenly shown up in town and the PCs attributed to an upcoming holiday.

On the holiday the orcs attacked the town from the inside. Every orc was equipped with a hat of disguise. Yeah there were over a thousand orcs with hats of disguise.

After we killed the leader and saved the town from certain doom, we were only able to keep 2 hats of disguise out of the thousands that were there. The city guards took the rest. What a fucking awful campaign that was.

>>7896213

Hahaha, oh exploitable.

"I'm 12 and what is lich"

>>7896231
>>7895832
I think the idea was that it was knowledge he had acquired from drunks at taverns. Sounds fun. I'd love to get in an argument with the wizard or cleric about how to dispatch a lich with Salty Pete's testimonial as my only knowledge.

>>7896235
Will he keep his BAB while in the lich's body?

>>7896176
You have to give them saving throws or the players WILL fucking hate you. No "lol dm fait he kill you". This is very basic stuff.

>>7896277

I've been making him roll, just like that DM. He failed. There was really no way for him not to though other than just taking off the ring. It WAS part of a several millenia-long conspiracy of Gods, after all. It'd be like trying to will a +1 sword not to do more damage and be more accurate.

>>7896273

Not at first. It's a new body, so he's going to have to retrain. Basically, he can say he works on the body during downtime (it'll take about a month of rehab-style stuff) but that's pretty much saying he's okay with sticking with the body so I dunno if he's gonna do that. Plus he'll have to retrain again once he's back in his old body. He does get a lot of sweet supernatural abilities though.

>>7896355
But he DOES have the possibility of being a fully capable lich spellcaster with full BAB, right? I'd fall for that.

>>7896402

He'll have to spend a century reading spellbooks to be as good as the lich was. But yeah, he does.

>>7896444

Nonsense, he's an adventurer. Adventurers learn by sticking swords into people and outlevelling the sagest of sages in a matter of months.

In D&D, college is nothing more than a building full of chained-up kobolds for high-paying aristrocrat sons and daughters to coup de grace until they get a level.

>>7896458

Oh, yes. I forgot. How silly of me.

>>7896458
What's the challenge level of an encounter that has no challenge at all?

>>7896547

Kobolds are scary buggers. And aristocrats are pussies. There's challenge involved, if not danger.

>>7896565

They blindfold him and give him a greatclub, and the kobolds are suspended in cages. There's a bard in the room playing the Mexican Hat Dance and there's beer.

It's an adventuring PARTY, after all.

>>7896231
Okay, so I assume the relevant evolution chain here is Gazebo -> Tavern -> Hotel, right?

Unless he trades the Tavern while it's holding a Disco Ball, in which case it evolves into a Nightclub instead.

>>7895161
inb4 bear lore

>>7894550
Hey OP, did you ever make a thread about your Fading Suns game a while ago? I read a similar story.

Had a very good GM, had excellent stories, engaging characters and fun games. We had our bad runs, mostly when the party shot itself in the foot(Most common end to games). We also had games that were awesome and carried on.

And suddenly, the last game, we determined that he must have just hated us or something. Mainly cause after achieving a rather challenging objective I'm driving a car and my other two party members just finished off a guy and sustained life-threatening injuries, he throws a gang member who spent that whole set of round injecting physical altering drugs and armed with a katana. Killed one part member before an equivalent to "Rocks fall, you die" occurs.

...We think he just got tired of us.

>>7897792
I remember a story like that a few weeks back.

>>7897864

That was probably me when I first told the story.

...I like to repeat it as a lesson to us all.

....I think.

How about this one: we were walking through your generic nondescript fantasy forest when suddenly -bampf!- out of nowhere comes a goddamn adult silver dragon and it looks hostile. Now, we're in no shape to fight this thing so we try talking to it, hoping to somehow get away without becoming purina dragon chow. It's in no mood to talk period and no amount of diplomancing seemed to work. We couldn't run, no way we could get away from that fly speed. So we're foced to fight it and, big surprise, party wipe.

At the time we had no idea why a silver dragon would attack us. It made no sense... until we asked later and found out that one of the blatantly evil monsters we killed earlier was a friend of the dragon. I was baffled.

We were level two at the time of the fight.

>>7898434
lolwut. While I don't like the whole X color dragon is good, and Y color dragons are evil... That's just wrong on so many levels.

>>7898468
That was more or less our reaction. The DM at the time is now playing in one of my games. I wish there was some sublte way to get back at him without resorting to the same levels of assery I rail against.

Once had a DM who did his best to make every battle last as long as possible. There were 7 people playing. He rolls a DMPC to "round us out". He houserules that everything in the game has max hp per hit die. Then what do we fight? A horde of goblins. A horde of kobolds. A horde of gnolls. A horde of goblins on wargs. Battles lasted HOURS, with it taking anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes just for one round. It was so goddamn boring.

>>7898434
Such dibbs on drawfagging this. Right now.

>>7894550
Isn't it Adventurer 101 to fucking slay dragons? Did the rules change while I wasn't looking or something?

OP is a retard for thinking that he'd somehow automaticly know that Chromatic Dragons are generally evil, or that Lore (Taverns) would have helped in any way whatsoever.

>>7895896
This made me fucking rage.

>>7898434
Please tell me you kicked that DM in the dick.

This post was fun,

intuill some fag pretended his gm was a girl

>>7898838

I suppose mentioning that she later led the players of the paladin and wizard to believe that I had asked her to have that happen....wouldn't make you feel any better about it.

You have your bad Dungeon Masters and then you have people like her.

>>7898848
I had to resist... the urge was overwhelming but I didn't feel like going up on assault charges. Like I said, I plan on a more subtle revenge.

the first GM from girlfriend quest was a total nigger, ran 3 quests at once and couldnt handle it and went ROCKS FALL YOU DIE at us. nigger.

>>7898803
There we go. Delivered.

Reminds me of The Dark Tower.

Newfags wont get this.

>>7896458
>>7897057
>>7897644
Okay, I lol'd. A lot.

Silver dragon guy here, I've got another one. Me and party were exploring this old abandoned mine shaft. We had expressed an interest in a low magic all martial class campaign so that's what we got.

Long story short. We found early that the place was trapped to hell when one of the party members almost got one-shotted if it wasn't for evasion. However the rogue is now unconsious... but we really have no choice but to go forward because of a cave in. So, being the tank I'm next up to going first down the hallways.

I'm waving my reach weapon in front of me in some fluff effort to find tripwires because fuck if we have anything better. Suddenly I come across a line drawn on the floor. No other choice, gotta cross it. I die. I just die. There was no save, nothing. Apparently there was some extremely hard spot check that nobody got to see the mono-filament wire that cut my fucking head off with the force of me just walking into it. I SHIT YOU NOT. No save, just die.

Haven't had a bad DnD ending, but just last week I had a fucking terrible ending to a Hunter campaign that we had been playing for the past 3 months.

Some back story: the DM has a hardon for all of the other flavors of WoD aside from Hunter, even though he's never played them.
As such, he took elements of most of the other books and threw them at us in Hunter;
The party members basically had one type of monster that was after them, with the exception of werewolves which was a pretty major story arc.
Everything else was mainly tied to one character only.

We had all agreed that this would be the last night of the campaign, so we all expected to go out in a fight with the 'wolves or something along those lines.

We start the session in a diner, the character that is mind controlled is freaking out (not entirely out of place for the character)
and wants everyone to head back to his place. We oblige, with a plan to knock him out and take him to another character's safe house until later
being formulated via note passing, with the DM included. However, as soon as everyone is in the room a mage appears, casts a spell
to reduce everyone's strength dots by 3 so everyone is on the ground paralyzed before anyone has a chance to do anything.
The mage then walks around the room and kills everyone one by one via sucking their life out of them. The End.

Myself and another player nearly tableflipped at this shit, as our characters weren't even remotely involved in this side-story.

>>7899888

Faceshoot your ST. He is obviously cheating, outside of being a 'tard.

That or he is just too dumb not to toss in too fat enemies.

Subject is AD&D.

I'm playing a bard, which any 1st Ed AD&Der knows is an absurdly powerful fighter / rogue / druid. He's very good, hella magicked out, and several years old.

While walking through the city state of the invincible overlord, our party decides to investigate the nearby coralled forces of goblins who are being kept in a goblin concentration camp by the thousands.

Being the party sneakthief, I bear in mind some rumors we've heard and plop on the cap of disguise and go about seeking information. The RP goes well, although I confess to being a horrible role player back then. I spot the goblin chieftan with an amulet. Being the CG mofo that I am, I decide to weasel my way into the chief's quarters, hear whatever he's talking about, and try to steal that fucker. To get in, I succeed at a hide check, and faerie fire one of the guards from plenty far away, the DM telling me that I'm unnoticed.

Keeping in mind that the information mining I've heard is that a camp of drow are nearby, I expect a bit of startling. I say as much. Instead the chieftan runs out and screams about there being some sort of druid in the fields, to which all 10,000 heads turn to me and overbear me. Goblins. Against a level 17 PC with -4 AC and a maddening number of immunities, who is in "perfect disguise". No rolls, no defenses, no checks, just overborn.

Took a total party rescue to get me out, and that was the session after I flipped the table.

>>7901196
Yeah... That sounds about when playing nWoD, a mixed Werewolf/Changeling chronicle. When the players drank in their usual bar. Apparently the BBEG had poisoned our drinks which knocked out the entire party for several hours. And no, we weren't allowed to resist the poison.

The extra-bad thing about this is that werewolves are basically immune to all mundane poisons. And even if it affects them, it will be out of their system in less than 30 seconds, since their bodies see it as something dangerous, and does its best to evict the poison.

>>7901262

Oh, and we awoke in cells basically naked, without our nice collection of magical items.

Another one from before he was a bard.

Was pure thief, level 9. I had pulled that fucker up from level 1 over many years of gaming. We land in a town wherein the two most interesting things are the cheese maker's and the rather large bank. Everything else is houses.

I decide to scope out the bank and try to rob it. I warn the GM ahead of time of my intentions so he can prepare. The next sessions we all sit down and I hide in shadows successfully. I watch him take out a key and lock the door. My jaw drops a little as he mouths some words over the lock and walks off.

I pick pocket the key. I ask if I could tell what the words are. No such luck. I go around to a window, detect traps, find dozens of fire glyphs of warding.

Not one to be daunted, I climb up the back when night falls and prize loose a shingle on the roof. I inspect the room below. Safe is covered in glyphs of warding. I shrug and man up, expecting this. Pull out wand to dispel glyphs. But to dispel them, I need to be closer. Using some rope I start to lower myself down.

I check for traps. The ground (the entire floor) is covered in electric glyphs of warding. Baffled at how on earth this place does business in a fucking small town bank apparently run by Saint Rabbi Jesus of spellcasters, my party watches aghast as I successfully shoot arrows from one wall to the other, string a zip line, and pull my way over the safe.

Then: No saving throws, I fall off the zip line. Land on electric glyphs. Am almost uncosncious. The town guard bust the fucking door in, and while they're doing it, I slip on the invisibility ring. A high level cleric comes in. Into the smallest town of -all time- comes in with trueseeing.

>>7901301

Had your GM pulled shit like that before this incident?

Because if he had, I for one would not let the GM know explicitly what I intended to do, since he seems like one of those who want to overpower players.

>>7901301

Cont'd:

After being inevitably arrested by what seemed to be the fist of the motherfucking north star militiamen (Bearing in mind that the most dangerous mofo in town was a cheese maker) I'm hauled off to jail, and the townspeople point out the party I'm a part of.

The paladin is hauled in for questioning. He's asked if I'm a thief (point blank) and has his paladinhood revoked when he replies "I don't know". It took him a year to get that shit back. The conversation in summary:
"You're a paladin. You can't lie to us. Is this man a friend of yours?"
"Uhhh... I guess, yes. We travel together"
"Is he a thief?"
"I... well... he does what he thinks is good... I mean... he's never hurt anyone that I know of. I don't know if he steals"
"You're lying. I can tell. *Paladin falls*"

Later I was released and given back half my items, on the grounds that I quit being a thief and start being something else. Yes, that's right, I was railroaded into playing a -different class-. I picked fighter with the intention to get back at the GM by being a bard.

Memorized the rulebook. Learned the monster manual and DM. Got my legend lore up there to 70%. Rolled for everything, and tore apart a fuckload of railroad tracks. Being a caster / fighter / thief was godly epic. At one point the party's ranger and I unwittingly stepped onto a side campaign meant for levels far beyond us (Courtyard full of vampires and mummies) and fucking killed the BBEG in 10 minutes of fighting. There were no casualties for us.

>>7901301
That's just BULLSHIT.
That's table-tipping material, right there.

What the hell?!

>>7901362
God. And you KEPT playing with this DM? If I were that Paladin, I'd fucking RAGE.

Except if I were a Paladin of Tyr or something. But seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?!

>>7901362
That's old school as fuck.

>>7901416

With all the good, old, flaws in GM'ing. Classic.

>>7901430
Not to mention the players powering through and defeating the DM at game knowledge. I don't see much of that any more.

DnD 3E back in like... grade 7 or something
None of us are playin it right
The DM throws another holier than thou pretentious fuck of an BBEG or maybe just a douchey questgiver or something and has what I believe was a hellcat for our fuckall totally imbalanced party and the strongest player (kid you not, he was allowed to bring his character from another campaign like this was some sort of MMO where he could grind) decides "fuck this I'm walking around it"
Rather than going "attack of opportunity" or something
Rather than making a plot hook
He decides that the Tarrasque drops OUT OF THE FUCKING AIR and kills us
At this point I think we were just laughing at him

Lore you need to know: In AD&D, there is no "Evil" aligned ranger or druid. Their rules specifically state that they cannot work for an evil governer.
Dickery to our ranger:

My brother played a great ranger. Definitely the party leader, always well RP'd. Favored enemies against drow, and not for a shitty reason like "They burned down my village". He hated those fuckers because they were drow, and there's no reason not to hate them.

We're investigating an outlying fortress area. We go down to the river bank and see a hut from a distance. Being the party sneak-lords, we got the shit job of investigating up close. Our barbarian was the damned best tank imaginable, mind you. Druid watched from the skies as a hawk.

We went down to the river banks. There's a horse tied up. Ranger and I suspect this means someone's inside. He takes a peak in the window, and the man sees him. I book it and run off into the shadows, passing my move silently and hide checks, and hide behind a tree.

The ranger starts talking with the man, who says he was kicked out of town by the overlord. Ranger is fumbling for an excuse. I put on the cap of disguise and walk up to them both, acting mentally handicapped. The ranger says he has been looking for me, his brother, and will be on his way. The man buys it and we head off.

On our way back across a flat fucking planes, by which nothing could get by, the king's army rides up with catapults, ballistae, and soldiers. They say we're suspicious folk. We ask their basis.

Apparently the man by the river is a ranger in the employ of the evil overlord, and he spoke to his horse, who told him that the ranger and I weren't who we claimed to be.

>>7901464

Oh, that happens all the time.

>>7901472

So. Did you challenge the GM on this?

Dickery to our druid:

The druid was the quiet player of the group. Good role player, never broke character and did something his character wouldn't. Quiet, never argued with the GM like I did. Was there with me since the beginning. A five year old druid character, just when they get juicy and strong at level 12 or so.

He'd died before and been ressurected. While in the original temple of elemental evil campaign, a juggernaut (essentially an immortal regenerating steam roller) squashed him for 70 damage in a single hit. In AD&D, that's a fuckton. He's got some previous wounds and had been waiting to heal, so now he's dead, dead.

We take him back to town and ask about a resurrection. Keeping in mind that he essentially got killed by shitty d10 x 10 damage, not because he fucked up. I know many people think of resurrections as lame attempts at second life, but this was a -damn- old character. If it died, we wanted it to be spectacular.

Suddenly however, the townspeople refuse to resurrect him. Druids, they claim, do not believe in such alterations to the circle of life. We note that these are clerics, and we are not druids, and being dead, he hasn't got much of a say.

The answer: No.

>>7901497
Not in my experience. Things are more connected now. It's a lot easier to walk out on a bad GM and find a new game.

>>7901513
How did this guy remain as DM? Seriously? Or was he footing the bill for all the food?

>>7901504

Lord yes. He was sweating bullets, because at this point I was Bard-Lord. I quoted the page number it said rangers couldn't be evil on, and found the paragraph in which they couldn't be in the employ of an evil overlord.

There was a large argument during which it was argued that the ranger's perception of the overlord of evil was subjective, to which I argued there not being a point in the rule at all if that were the case. The guard suddenly (and reluctantly) let us go.

>>7901517

I personally experience this, as one of my close friends loves to GM, but he is inherently crappy at it.

I need to out-know the GM to know what to do against enemies. Yeah, I know it's meta, but I tend to play characters that at least are plausible to know stuff.

>>7901531
>>7901517

He had experience. We were too lazy to try running other campeigns. He had a place we could play. He was family (makes avoiding him harder), and we were fairly young at the time (Still in highschool)

We quit pretty shortly after the goblin-swarm bit. I ended up GMing D&D, and the others all have RPGs that they favor to and GM for.

More stories? I think I have a few.

>>7901513
That's a fucking table-flipper, or at least a kick in the dick for the DM.

>>7901554

Bring em on! I have time to kill, and I love reading stories like this.

>>7901554
Please, sir, I want some more.

I hate it when the DM thinks he's trying to win a game against you. Build a character that does good sneak attack? Throws only stuff that is immune to such. Character is an undead killing machine? Never see any. Neglected your will save? Say hello to endless charm, hold, etc. spells.

It really bites if you play something like a ranger. Made one that was spec'ed out for orc killing for a campaign about fighting orc hordes. Suddenly the campaing is about fighting a hobogoblin horde.

>>7901624

Yeah. The same thing happens in WoD. As it is hard ot kit out a character as both mental, physical and socially adept

>>7901554
Please, sir. Can I have some more?

After becoming Bard-Lord, we're sent to the original temple of elemental evil. Not being a big-rogue anymore, I take the sun-blade. Statistics to know:
Bard was once a shitty rogue. Has accumulated the following items:
Items / Cloak for -4 AC
Ring of immunity v. non-magic missiles (they stop before hitting)
Ring of fire protection
Ring of invisibility
Scimitar +3
Ring of immunity to poison
Shortsword, Sunblade: +2, +4 vs evil, x2 damage on evil, does bastard sword damage (2d4 regular sized, 2-16 large sized)
Ranger has favored enemies: Drow. Means he gets to add his character level (14) to his attack and damage. He dual wields.

In a rare moment of going down the entry tunnel, and dispatching the demon who guarded it, we run into drow.

The GM has not noticed up until now the magic items I've accumulated. When I was shit-rogue, they were worthless, and only served to make sure I didn't die in a party of tanks and healbots. Now I -am- a fighter with all this gear.

I take point. Drow ambush.

They open with the poisoned crossbow bolts. Being in front, I inform the GM that drow arrows are non-magical, simply finely crafted (a fact he is aware of), and that they fall to the ground before hitting the party. He rules that they only avoid myself and the ranger. Barbarian is put to sleep. Cleric is put to sleep. Magic user is put to sleep. Druid, as a bat on the ceiling, is hit and put to sleep.
>cont'd

I hand the ranger my immunity to poison ring and yawn as more arrows bounce off my invisible wall. Ranger takes up his bow and starts shooting drow with me as a makeshift wall to duck behind.

At this point, a drow mage shows up. Teleports in. Ranger starts shooting him, but before the days of concentration checks, this means jack shit, since the save is so easy level 3s can make it. He throws a fireball at us. I'm immune. The ranger has enough hit points and lives. Everyone else in the party (who has been asleep and having to watch us fight) is torched, not given a save due to being asleep, and dies / unconscioused. I only have enough heals to save the unconscious, not pick them up. I put an arc of sunlight ahead and inform the GM that this will cause drow items it comes into contact with to burn and disappear in 1d4 rounds.

The mage casts plant growth on some mushrooms so that we can't go forward. The cavern begins to shake. Rocks begin to fall. My ranger buddy and I know that this mofo will TPK if he has to to win this pissing contest. The ranger and I pick up / drag our comrads and book it. At this point, everyone else has bled out. Imaginably, I am fine, but the ranger is badly wounded. Pic related, it was my face to our GM. Everyone else got fucked over though.

>>7901672

Best part, we later looked up the campaign. Shit was supposed to be full of drow.

We never saw another damn one.

Are players ever satisfied with their DMs?

"Oh I made a character with high perception, but the DM didn't include many perception checks!"

>>7901624
A good DM should always do the opposite.

A character is specced to fight Drow? Suddently, we're seeing drow spies everywhere.

Someone just took Lore (Bears)? Exotic bears that you know shit about galore!

A player is an Assassin? Slip him notes with marks in every city you come to.

"Hey, Assassin dude! Where've you been? We've hardly seen you since we got to time. We're about to move on to the Temple of Elemental Evil now. Did you find the cheese we needed?"

"I was out.. feeding the.. umm.. daisi- I mean, Horses. The horses are fed."

>>7901692
My current GM is pretty fucking awesome. He tailored the campaign to our characters so we all had stuff to be awesome at, but still keeps us on our toes.

"Hey guys, let's do a psionics-only campaign. No arcane or divine shit. You're the telepathic enforcers for a psionic empire at war with magic users." So we all roll up people with telepathic, mind-affecting powers.

Undead. Golems. Elementals. NO MONSTER WITH A BRAIN THAT WHOLE DAMN CAMPAIGN.

My level 10 telepath was basically a level 10 commoner.

Well, its not really a bad gm story, its more like an awesome times story, but what gives?

We were playing Dark Heresy (already playing it since it came out in germany, so started the characters from scratch and are now at nearly 10k exp).
Dark Heresy usually means good times, but this one was different, sort of.

We went into some kind of big, flying tower, hovering 10m above the ground on some feudal planet.
Word was the BBEG would be in there, so we went in there packed with all kinds of shit, grenades, top class ammunition, wards etc.
On our way to the centre of the tower (hey, at least its not the top, amirite) we slew a few lesser demons, no big deal, with the pet npc accompanying us being useless as fuck and accidentally shooting one pc after another.
When we arrived at the BBEG, everone was already fairly wounded, but we decided to go in anyway.

Long story short: During the fight, i first lost my left leg and went down unconscious.
The rogue then accidentally shot our assassin, rolling a crit that got all his ammunition to explode, which, in turn, not only already killed everyone, but also got two more explosive crit rounds ending in the same result.
In fact, our whole group just exploded right there, on the spot.

Also, we killed the BBEG with fire.

At one point we were running a campaign to a fortress of giants.

The druid went in as a spy, turned into a bird, went in a window. We didn't hear back from him. We expected trueseeing-mage-shennanigans.

The ranger and Bard-Lord are up to the task, and tell Barbarian / Cleric / Magic user to wait for our return.

Giants are evil, sunblade does x2. This stacks with x4 sneak attacks from my thief days. I have fighter attacks per round. We come in upon the giants and find them asleep.

AD&D rangers always add class levels vs giants. It's assumed they're always favored enemies, in addition to whatever else you pick.

The ranger and I gut two levels of the fortress without waking a soul before coming to a room with a tapestry. This is how I got my immunity to fire ring:
GM: Out from behind the tapestry springs a giant with a wand, who screams a word and fireballs appear!
Me: The giant speaks? I'm writing down what he says.
*Scribbling and note passing. Then saving throws*
GM: The room is on fire!
Me: How is the giant not hurt?
GM: *Trollface*
Me: Clever. We kill the giant.

We do.

I search that mofo and take the fire immunity ring. By now the place knows we're here.
>Cont'd

>>7901693

This is decent DM'ing.

I find the immersion gets absolutely obliterated when the campaign swings round to fighting nothing but Dragons when the DM finds out we have a Dragonslayer.

A GOOD DM will build the encounters so that those things are included, certainly.

He won't derail the campaign for your specializations, though

>>7901713
ALLAH AKBAR!

My DM isn't so bad, he's new to DMing and only gets better with each session. However we're constantly railroaded to continue working for this mercenary company. Any time we even suggest leaving it and freelancing on our own (not even avoiding the adventures at all, just not doing them FOR the company), he threatens to throw invincible epic-level deathsquads at us.

We find the druid, and run like hell outside. By this point, the other players in our party are itching for action, and are glad we're bringing it back with us.

A slaughter ensues as we clash with giants, when their ring leader mage appears. I point the wand of fireballs at the tower of their stockade fortress, yell the word, and put it on fire. The mage flutters his cloak, disappears, and appears next to the fire, casting the reverse of "Create fire".

He does the cloak flip again and is in my face. He whispers some shit talk. I lean around him and light that mofo's tower up again.

He vanishes. Reappears next to the tower. I shoot a fireball at him. He vanishes after putting out the fire.

Ranger smells burning flesh and turns around. Motherfucker's got a teleportation cloak. That shit's unrealistic, and we call shennanigans as he chucks two chain lightnings at us while teleporting all over the battlefield. We're still alive, but unconscious and pissed when the Barbarian arrives. Mage teleports back into the fortress.

I point the wand at the fortress, with no one left to put out the fire.

Charges left? None.

>>7901735
Yes, of course. I didn't mean to imply that you should tailor a full campaign around the development of characters. Just because someone has Bear lore doesn't mean that you should be fighting bears in every random encounter.

Just that doing the opposite, playing in opposition to the DM, sucks fucking donkey balls.

Everyone should feel that their skills, feats, talents, whatever is worth something, even if one of those skills happens to be Profession (Hairdresser).

>>7901735

>>7901624 here. If I got some dragonslayer sword from a random loot, my former aforementioned DM would probably inform me that dragons had been extinct on that world for hundreds of years. And if I said "fine, I'll sell it" he'd probably have informed me it was nearly worthless since it no longer had any utility beyond being a sword.

We're hiding out in a shack in the woods after pissing off these giants.

Bard-Lord is recovering, and the rest of the party is itching for action.

GM decides now's a good time to hook us on the next plot. His idea for this?

Ranger and Barbarian (A fucking ranger and barbarian, only surprised on a 1d10 and 1d6 chance) are given no rolls. They are assassinated in the night by a drow assassin, while awake, while we all sleep. We only find out it's a drow assassin after we pay all our spoils from the last campaign to raise dead them.

>>7901783

Aw. I fail at posting.

So old GM, was generally very dull and prone to using overpowered DMPCs (level 14 character in a level 2 party), but his biggest problem was his thing for shit. Everywhere we went, one of the PCs was shitting, or being forced to shit through (mind control, poison, disease, fear, boredom), or something was shitting, or there was a pile of shit that often had treasure in it (we discovered this through detect magic). One player got himself a raven familiar, and every time the character got mentioned, the raven had shat on him, or he'd have the raven shit on someone else. The player ended up getting so sick of it he killed the raven and took the XP hit.

>>7901813
Hahaha, that's failtastic. :D

Mine's the worst kind: imaginary. ._.

>>7901832
I can baaaaw with you. /hug/

>>7901758
It sounds like you played The Demonweb Pits... uh... without any Drow.

>>7901813
Also, furries. I remember a series of books he liked featuring sholins or something to that tune, they were psychic cat furries. Apparently they'd form mating bonds where you needed to screw at least once a week or die. If you were of the opposite gender of one of these, you had to make a will save to resist this if you so much as touched one. He had a juicer character make such a save in a Rifts game, when the player responded by saying that the massive amount of steroids and drugs in his system probably killed his ability to screw, his response was to say that such a bond would fix this problem.

>>7901833
:'(
/hug

>>7901835

Yes. I've since looked up a lot of our old campeigns. The only time after we train-wrecked those drow that there were ever drow again were when they assassinated us with no goddamn saving throws, perception checks, or anything else.

>>7901855
That is fucking ridiculous. You basically played THE adventure that made Drow iconic, one of the most legendary D&D sequences there are - and your DM pissed all over it just to spite you. What a tool.

With such an investment of time to make this ADnD characters, I am hesitant to ever play it for fear of such douchebagery.

Being a bard I was of course required to write music. I don't mind the challenge, and I know a bit about music theory, so I tried my hand at it.

At one point, Bard-Lord caught sight of some Pipes-of-the-Sewers in the local magic shop. Smelling the opportunity to spend my hard-earned cash on a cute novelty item, I expended that month's use and summoned a single rat.

Ranger and I return from investigating the town's local graveyard (and putting down a fuckload of vampires / ghouls) and I give my rat a note and send it across the tavern to give a note to the rest of the party.

On the way there, a patron screams, stomps, and one shots it. The GM spends the next fifteen minutes describing how the rat that I'd taken the time to name, and a party member had drawn a picture of, died, choked, and was thrown unceremoniously outside.

The party of course, ragefaced. No need to do that shit. We pooled money and asked about a resurrection or re-incarnation.

Answer: No.

>>7901813

Do not let him use the bathroom in your house.

I'm somewhat ashamed to say I've done something similar. Once when I was trying to get my girlfriend, who has a sick sense of humor and loves cats, into D&D, I as DM gave her cleric of a chaotic neutral cat-goddess a bag of tricks that only produced cats, which she loved. Loved so much that she started using cats from the bag in every conceivable situation. After I let someone else DM who enjoyed throwing a lot of illusions at us, she started testing objects for being illusions by throwing cats at them. Including a pool of lava, in a particularly memorable incident (it was real...poor Mr. Whiskers, what have you done?!).

When it was my turn to DM a different campaign, I told one of the players that since my girlfriend so enjoyed her bag of cats, because she loved cats, I will give you a bag of cocks, because you love the cock. We determined that the bag was actually a portal to the Elemental Plane of Cock, there was a trap/puzzle that made use of the endless cock supply, and numerous cocks were thrown at a variety of things/people to test if they were illusions.

>>7901889
Why did I lol?

>>7901877
Just get yourself a good GM. Any version of D&D is shit with the wrong DM, and contrary to popular opinion, any of them can be fun if you've got the right mindset / the right DM.

Yes, AD&D takes a significant amount of time to invest in, but they all do if you're going from levels 1-20 the long way. The wrong DM can spoil anything. I wrote and played damn music for that rat. It didn't fight, and had no stats. Was a damn sad RP day.

I did write a funeral dirge for our douche-killed-druid though, as per >>7901513 . I don't know about any of my party, but I was damn sad. AD&D helped make that player and I into great IRL friends when we were still awkward highschool freshman with next to no friends outside each other. They weren't just characters, they were meaningful parts of the past we shared. Playing my bard without his druid to counteract my shenanigans was incredibly disheartening.

>>7901888

Did he give a reason to why he as a GM had the rat killed?

>>7901888
Not going to lie, that's kinda funny.

>>7901877
>>7901940
Making characters doesn't take alot of time. Getting them up in levels does though.

>>7901940

It seems like you were up on your rules. What was the stated reason for no reincarnation/rez of the rat?

>>7901888
WHY WERE YOUR DM SUCH A HUGE DOUCHEFAG?! D:

Seriously, if all of you were willing to fucking pool money to have a fucking rat of no real consequence beyond that of you really liking the rat to have it resurrected, why the fuck no?

Now I'm sadfaced. :(

Continuing crappy stories:
Thieves in AD&D have a percentage to climb walls. It starts off godly and gets godlier. It's rarely used.

While in the temple of elemental evil, I'm tearing demons apart. Giant sized, with multipliers for the sun blade? You better believe we're one shotting absurdly powerful demons. Barbarian, Ranger, Druid and I do absurdly good leg work.

While investigating some stairs, I check for traps but don't succeed and find none. The stairs turn into a ramp. I slide down. At the bottom is an ooze. The GM doesn't have to tell Bard-Lord what oozes do if they hit, I fucking know well and good they melt flesh and need a restoration to fix.

I ask if I can climb walls up the ramp and escape.
GM says no, because ramps aren't walls.

Ooze rolls a 20, hits, and (without rolling for where) melts my hand. My good hand. My thief skills hand. For the rest of the temple, I have no open locks, no remove traps, and cannot use my mainhand weapon.

>>7901952
It's probably based on them not being able to cast raise dead/resurrection.

>>7901952
>>7901948
>>7901946
He said it was killed because no tavern would allow rats to live. I agreed, but didn't think a one shot was much more than dickery.

Ressurection is for people, he said.
Re-incarnation would work, but it would appear anywhere in nature (The world). The spell is vague on what happens to the body and where it re-incarnates to, so I couldn't argue the point.

>>7901969
RAAAAAAAAAAAAR
THAT'S LIKE SAYING YOU CAN'T WALK AROUND
BECAUSE IT IS A FLOOR, NOT A WALL

>>7901955
>>7901978
The spell description lists the races that can be resurrected explicitly. It's still unsure if the omission of the Half-orc was intentional or not.

Back story: The introduction for our very first campaign was with the druid and I. We also had a magic user, but he quit. Our ranger joined halfway through the first campaign. The campaign was mundane level 1 crap, but we were doing it to pay back our mentors.

Those fuckers stuck with us as quest givers until well past level 10. Finally we decide we've had enough of their always timely appearance, haughty attitude, and crap quests. We're level 15s, we've been D&Ding for years, we pour money into communication rings and start up a guild.

In essence, after playing for five years, we want some independence. We work hard and set up a network of informants. We visit the town we've been plot hooked to, which is Goblin camp as per >>7901196

>cont'd

These interesting stories make me wish my GM and fellow players weren't imaginary. ;_;

Of course, I'm overbeared, despite being a god-tier PC, by a horde of goblins. I actually scoop up my dice, tell the GM "Fuck this shit" in those literal terms, and head off. The rest of the group follows.

After a week or so, GM and I meet at the family shop. He's family, it's hard to avoid. He talks to me and convinces me to come back.

I return mostly because I enjoy gaming with my friends at this point. The GM allows them to rescue me, but that sunblade which was the thorn in his side, is stolen and found later by the captain of the guard.

I note that an alignment set-blade cannot be wielded by an evil PC, and his guard was working for a corrupt overlord. I allow this to pass however, until the guard reveals himself to be a level 6 NPC. Level fucking six. His requirement to return my sword? We work for him to topple the overlord.

Fuuuuck if I go to bed now I can get 5 hours of sleep before class, but i'm afraid this thread won't be here in the morning. Fuck you sang for being to entertaining

>>7902036
Ask friends to see if they're interested. Carry books and have them in the open.

It's actually not all that hard to get players.

thats ok, i played with a dm that every game we had, the charters would get raped , by every monster we encounter, no matter what we rolled he would come up with the shittyest reasons it would fail, to the extent of if we attack and roll a critical that would kill he would say that the weapon magicly disapears. he was a huge dick, but the only guy i knew at the time that had the books, ad was willing to dm, but he just made the story his own personal sex story..... it was pretty gay

One time, one of the players made me pay for pizza.

So around the next corner was Lofwyr in the flesh, smack bang in the middle of Seattle. He ate the character.

>>7902036
It's ok. Mine are imaginary too.
/hug

>>7901727
>AD&D rangers always add class levels vs giants. It's assumed they're always favored enemies, in addition to whatever else you pick.

Favored Enemy didn't show up until 2e. It was always just the giant-class creatures as you mentioned:
kobolds, orcs, ogres, trolls, giants, etc.

Shit. I need a drink while I think on some other ones.

At the moment, all I'm coming up with is the character that the GM let the druid roll up afterward: A monk half the level of the current druid. It comes with randomly determined magic items:
-Shitty darts
-Randomly determined cloak.

GM starts talking about how good monks can be. I have to correct him on the monk Attack Progression tables as he's reading them off. He covers by launching into a big story about how the best monk he ever knew was a monk with psionics that had alter-body to make its hands into swords.

>Cont'd.

>>7902099
I wouldn't put it past Seattle, actually.

At character generation, you're allowed to roll for psionics. Druid-monk asks if he can. DM rolls some dice, and encourages the player to do the same. Needs a 97-100 to be naturally psionic. GM says "You can take my roll, or you can roll your own."
He is struggling to keep a straight face.

I try to encourage the druid, but am shouted down by my GM. He has to make his own decision. Druid shrugs and says fuck it. Percentile dice are percentile dice. One man's roll is as good as another. He fails.

GM lifts his screen to show the Druid-monk what he would have gotten if he'd taken GM's roll. Motherfucker had a 98.

Not so much a shitty dm as shitty players, but here's what I got.

Around my second year of playing dnd I was in this super fun evil campaign where we were basically sent to a prison dimension and were assholes to everyone, including eachother. I get pulled out of the session halfway through to go to have dinner with a relative or something. I'm real disappointed because we've gotten to this slave-run diamond mine and just killed the overlords.

So I come back like 2 or 3 hours later, and find everyone's in this mage's tower in this weird town. I ask everyone what happened, they tell me they had a blast sacrificing a bunch of slaves to the cleric of Nerull by choking the shit out of some, then burning the rest. I'm a bit sad cause I haven't gotten a chance to do anything exceptionally evil yet, but I let it pass and ask what this tower is. They of course say they found a tower and a town and went in. Helpful.

So for the remainder of the time we're in this place, whenever I offer an idea to something my team keeps calling me an idiot. Why? Because I keep doing stupid shit apparently. Why is it stupid? Because they've already tried it or found shit out while I was gone and didn't bother to tell me. Entire session was them telling me to fucking pay more attention to the story.

>>7902110
Aye. The GM encouraged us to use some 2.E splatbooks (those shitty brown cover softbacks) to round out our characters. We figured what the hell, it was his own funeral. We knew 2.E was broken if mixed well.

> Cont'd from Monk story
To make up for our table calling him a dick on the psionics, GM gives Druid-monk a magic tooth. Tooth must be inserted, tooth gives Monk some ability.

What does tooth do? It has to be rolled for.
GM rolls immunity to poisons. This monk is already immune to them.

So now Druid-monk, who got shafted, has:
-His fists
-A ring of protection I gave him
-A cloak of protection
-A magic tooth that does nothing
-Some darts he can't use.

And our GM ruled that monks couldn't wear the cloak of protection. Cloaks count as armor, he said.

I had a DM who was very good, except for his completely unhidden and irrational hatred for one of the players in my group. The game was DnD

One month he was like "ok this is how we're gonna do it, the next few adventures will focus on one of you in turn", as we were all epic level with great ambitions. My adventure involved my character creating a new plane and getting an epic artifact.

The player he hated was a Dwarven cleric relic hunter. He wanted to find the tomb of a great Dwarf king and the epic shield that was rumored to be inside. So the DM makes it so we're in front of this giant vault door covered in protective runes. There are a few puzzles based on getting the door open.

OH NO! Inside the vault is a paragon epic red dragon! The dwarf king actually sacrificed himself to trap him inside the vault, lest his evil consume the world.

We are no match for the dragon. We planeshift away in desperation. The DM specifies that the opening of the Vault created a psychic scream throughout all Dwarves in our campaign world. The player is cursed for all time as a greedy betrayer of Dwarfkind.

WTF

>>7902156
Oh lol.

>>7902156
>Cursed forever as a greedy betrayer of all dwarf kind

>>7902148
>Aye. The GM encouraged us to use some 2.E splatbooks (those shitty brown cover softbacks) to round out our characters. We figured what the hell, it was his own funeral. We knew 2.E was broken if mixed well.

Heh, funny he let that slide when the 1e ranger was reprinted in them.

>>7901706

Oh god, I hate DMs who do that! I played a game where 90% of the party were casters, and he ALWAYS threw golems and shit at us, or the BBEG would leap out in an anti-magic field. How lame is that crap?

>>7902148
>cloaks count as armor

...Really? I hope the monk ran around naked, then, because clothes could conceivably count towards armor. No boots allowed, either!

It's the start of one of our first big campaigns. We're on the trail of some slavers, and some she-NPC has directed us to their underground hideout.

Unknown to us, the bottom layer of this hideout is fuckall difficult, filled with quadrouple wielding Foremain or Ant-man workers. At the time, none of us noted that this meant they were walking on just two legs, which is a what the fucking hell. But Bard-Lord was not around to call shenanigans yet.

The campaign begins with the GM pulling me aside and telling me that a doppleganger has taken my body and dumped me in a well, and I get to play it, while trying to TPK from the inside.

Of course, I have no desire to end every friendship I ever had. But I role play adequately, and from the safety of invisibility, trip someone and get them killed. Finally I reveal myself after everyone's spent money and time resurrecting the party member that I killed.
>Cont'd

>>7902242
>Cont'd
So at the bottom level, they find these quadrouple wielding fighter-badass-ants. I'm a shitty thief, and next to no help at this point. Party discovers the slaves, frees them, books it out of the slaver tunnels almost dying in the process. Harrowing and exciting adventure.

Party discovers my ruse. I've prepared most of them by telling them outside of sessions what the shit is going on, and no one broke character or metagamed at all. They took me party killing well, footed the bill of the resurrection (leaving us completely broke of our mission's earnings).

The ranger starts tracking my body and the GM allows it. He tracks me to an empty well. The well has a passage way in it. Ranger follows the tunnel for a while. At the end, I'm lying in blood, and awaken. Ranger returns my gear. Around this time, the ant-men show up again.

They kill us both.

Turns out the GM was not happy that I told everyone I was a doppleganger between sessions.

Sanguinius my friend I'm loving your stories of GM dickery.

Do tell more!

>>7902274
>Turns out the GM was not happy that I told everyone I was a doppleganger between sessions.

Any form of character replacement shit (mind-contro,, dopplegangers etc) is fucking retarded. The fact that everybody played in IC despite knowing about this bullshit and the GM still punishing you? WTF.

How this GM of yours has managed to avoid having his nose broken dozens of times is a testament to you and your group's tolerance of bullshit.

>>7902274
Jesus fuck, how many times have you died and been brought back to life?

>>7901751
GMing is hard. At first every GM is going to railroad you.

>>7902387
I know, I did it too when I was a n00b DM. (I'm actually the usual DM, hes a longtime player who wanted to give it a try so we let him.)

We're fine with reasonable railroading usually, except this company thing he's actually been pretty good about it, and is a good DM with fun adventure ideas otherwise.

We've explained we'll gladly do any adventure for the gold because we're adventurers, its what we do. We're just sick of working for this company. We want to freelance. That's all we're asking. But he WILL NOT have that.

>>7902381
Ressurections were pretty much the GM's way of getting us not to lose hope and quit playing. in AD&D you can get the res-shot as many times as you make your system-shock rolls. When you succeed at system shock, you lose something like 5% from it permanently for the next time.

My thief started with 95. Bard-Lord now has something around 65. Six ress's over five years of every-weekend-gaming isn't a horrible track record, and it beats the hell out of rolling up a fresh PC when you've invested years into the old one.

One sec while I think on the next story.

DM is actually a great guy and runs good adventures, but a couple incidents from our middleschool to highschool years stand out as WTF?! moments.

Start of a new adventure arc, several of us bring in characters from older campaigns/adventures that ended or died out. Investigating some lich's tomb or dungeon or whatever, forget the exact details. I'm playing my cleric, we had some undead hunting mage, and a roguish vampire hunter guy and a fighter. All of our characters are several years old and have been through some crazy shit at one point or another. You could also tell we were pretty anti-undead.

A couple traps into the dungeon, the rogue guy starts messing with a rune covered door before we could check it out with magic and some weird crap happens. He's paralyzed and the dm and him start passing notes to one another. Door pops open and a bunch of skeletons start shambling forward. I bust out my symbol and turn the things, rolling max, pretty much obliterating them. DM reveals that the trap soul swapped the rogue with the skeletons...and by turning them I apparently obliterated his soul...for good.

I was responsible for killing off this dudes developed character by turning some shitling low HD undead. Tried to res or reincarnate him but DM said no...and the player turned down the offer as well.

>>7902445
Well...I guess I'm glad that you didn't roll an elf! The stories are interesting, to say the least.

Lore you need to know: Bards are a caste system in D&D. Higher level bards refuse to interact with lower ones on the basis of apprenticeship, save the very highest level ones.

Following the introduction to the city state of the invincible overlord campaign, we make our way to town.

Now bearing in mind CSoIO is a pretty bullshit big campaign with no real main-plot. It's just a thousand tiny little ones. Add in that it's written by Judges guild, and that means Odin can be a fucking cobbler, and ogre shopkeeps are not uncommon.

We go into town. We pay the bullshit weapon taxes. I keep a low profile and prepare to do some bard digging. We're level 17s, and the GM has not tossed us a single plot clue.
>Cont'd

>>7902492
I'm wearing the cap of disguise to look different. I look different from the me who checks into the Inn. I look different from the real me. I look different from the person who checked in at the gate. I am the perfect spy in this case, and my party knows it.

My GM has been tossing me a lot of shit lately for being Bard-Lord, and I'm wary, but we all agree to look for information however we can. The barbarian and ranger go off to the temple district. The paladin and the cleric (LG) go to the garden of illicit statues, where they engage in gambling.

I, on the other hand, go with the druid and begin to perform on a street corner. I ask if I should make a perform (Charm person percentage while playing) and if I succeed, if I can get information from any crowd goers.
>Cont'd

>>7902518
GM says a roll isn't necessary. Around this time the town guard approach me. They clap me in irons. Arrest me. I ask what my charge is, and they say that I'm playing on the street without a street performer's license from the Bard's guild.

Now the City state is a big fucking place, but I know for a fact there's no bard's guild, and I know for a damn fact that according to rules, there logically couldn't be one. I threaten to table flip, but the party warns me that this could be a chance to get a plot hook, and to ask other people in prison what is going on.

Despite this brief metagame, the GM allows it to pass because he knows he'll be in deep shit otherwise. I am sent to the jail, where I'm stripped ass naked. This means they find and remove the cap of disguise. This raises some eyebrows.
>Cont'd

>>7902445
Actually, it's limited.

>>7902544
>Cont'd
They toss in into jail and say that they'll have to talk over what will be done for me. They refuse me trial. Keeping in mind that we're supposed to be undercover, we're pretty convinced at this point that our cover is blown and we're up for a total party arrest.

Meanwhile at the tavern, the barbarian is eager to buy a girdle of giant strength. The mage he's dealing with is a shady guy who takes the barbarian up to his room to get the belt. Then makes advances on the barbarian. Barbarian is a viking barbarian. He threatens to choke the mage's pansy ass.

I, meanwhile, am sitting in my jail cell. Word has gotten back to the ranger. It is obvious that I'm not going to learn anything, and the ranger will bail me out the next day. Around this time, the mage from the Barbarian's dealings shows up.
He's in a bad mood.
I'm next to naked.
Ten guesses where this conversation went. In the end, it was an "Oh hell no". Don't get me wrong, I'm into role playing, and I'm good with either gender IRL, but I'm not interested in this.

I'm fined two thousand gold pieces and released the next day for not playing along.

>>7902560
True enough. But my con score was certainly not six, with a 95% initial system shock. Math's math, homie.

Anyways, on with bad stories. I should be headed to bed. Give me a few minutes to think up the last story for the evening.

>>7902602
True.

>>7902602
F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5
F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5F5
F5F5F5F5F5

Alrighty. We're in a standard dungeon on one of the levels of the temple of elemental evil doing fucknuts knows what. Along the way we come across a hallway of hobgoblins.

I have proven myself to be a nuisance with my vast array of personal gadgets, but at the end of the hallway are ballistae. I am at point, with ranger and barbarian behind. The hallway is narrow. They fire their ballista bolt, but it's stopped by the ring of protection from non-magic missiles.

>Cont'd

This is the item that the GM keeps periodically forgetting I have. It is the source of much rage. It was the source of ire in a bar fight, when I stopped a chair. It was the source of anger in the drow scenario. It is a source of anger now.

We rush forward into the room at the end of the hallway. It's spacious. On the left of the door, on the far end of the room is a second ballista. Hobgoblin cleric casts blindness on me. I fail save vs. spells. GM expects that he's got us now.
>Cont'd

>>7895211
OP built the character before the GM started the game, and didn't know that it would be set on a city; the GM also did absolutely nothing to rectify this, a I remember the original thread. Moron.

>>7902691
>cont'd

I yell to the barbarian to pick me up by the belt. He does so as he's speared with a ballista bolt for a fair bit of damage. He pulls it out. He asks what we're doing. I say "SPARTA" and he marches forward, holding me by the belt as a shield from oncoming ballista bolts on the fore, ripping the ballista spear from his gut and using it as a weapon on the forward hobgoblins.

Ranger takes a diagonal path and proceeds to destroy the other archers.
>Cont'd

>>7902578
Wait, the GM disliked you being Bard-Lord so he then tried to have your character raped? Then fined you for not playing along? Holy shit, what?

>>7902680
>ballistae in a dungeon

...the fuck?

>>7902713
They're household items, really. Sometimes when I get up to go to the restroom at night I trip over all the Ballistae in the hallway.

>>7902708
Cont'd

Around this time the big wizard shows up. We can tell it's like, four floors too fucking early, but it's obvious the GM is in a bit of a huff. Big wizard says nothing, and casts disintegrate on my blinded figure. I succeed in save vs. spells. Big wizard flees just as everyone breaks from combat to go wreck his face.

He runs down the hallway, vanishes through a secret passage we'd already confirmed wasn't there, and disappears by the time we get to where we know a door is. I'm still blind, and can't look for it. No one else can detect it. By the time we can find it (A room with no noticeable exits) he's long gone.

Thus concludes this evening's story telling by me.

I've enjoyed everyone's stories and I hope you guys enjoyed mine. I bitch about it, but if our group hadn't played through it, we'd have half as much shit to privately rage over and laugh at when we're in good spirits.

>>7902783
Cheers mate! Sleep well.

>>7902726
You need to get something heavy duty to hang them up with. I'm using railroad spikes for the moment.

>>7902726
I don't know what to do with the ballista room anymore. It's filled with termites and shit.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/7894550/
Archived.

>>7903025
Very much justified.

So I found this D&D rp forum online and I got invited to play in the admin's gestalt game, which in and of itself was a pretentious pile of AIDS. I could never have expected what would happen, though.

This DM was known already for being rather passive-aggressive, to the point that we called him PAPOS (passive aggressive piece of shit) to his face and he thought it was some cute nickname. In any case, we played over AIM and I rolled a Rogue/Psychic Warrior as my gestalt character. We also had a few others but my memory of their roles/classes is vague. I think we had a Paladin/Sorcerer, Monk/Cleric, and something else?

My character is your typical scoundrel, very cliche, named Gavrilo Dematra. He uses a rapier, is a womanizer, etc, the paladin is actually some kind of noble that he had a secret tryst with so there was some tension, as she now hated me. Had potential. I remember hitting a fleeing enemy with a called-shot AOO to cut his belt and drop his pants as he fled.

Then it happened...

>>7903062
Second session was rocky from the beginning. Our DM, strict but difficult to take seriously, was willing to wait for the monk who was late to come back from dinner, about a half hour wait. He said that it was a last time occurrence, no longer would we wait for anyone, we'd begin at the designated time.

Right around the time he said this, I got a call from a family member down the street that they had a huge leak in their house (it was a rainy night, really coming down.) I apologized, said I had to cover this leak, and would rush. Family / irl comes first, said go ahead, I'll catch up.

He got pissed but I didn't stick around to see it. Got the raincoat on, boots, tarped the roof, was back in about 40 mins, and basically nothing had happened.

We were in some kind of palace about to meet with a king or duke or something. In this society women had the sexual advantage, in that they had more power (unlike our society where men tend to have the advantage) and our DM emphasized that they were in control of where and when sex happened. My character naturally didn't take this seriously, being your veritable rogueish spic.

So he was basically casing the palace as we go get out big epic quest.

Then, suddenly, I guess for a reason I barely remember we were about to be attacked by some cousin of the duchess/princess paladin chick in our party and his entourage, so we rolled for initiative. Monk was first, me second, enemy "swarm phase" last.

>>7903093
>In this society women had the sexual advantage, in that they had more power (unlike our society where men tend to have the advantage) and our DM emphasized that they were in control of where and when sex happened.

>implying this isnt how the world works today

The monk attacked I think with a chakram or something, I really don't remember, but she did like 2-3 damage. I decided to charge attack this guy and flank him (I didn't know exactly where I was on the map because we didn't use a map, which was a sign of a shitty game as it is.)

I charged and rolled a natural 19, using a rapier that crits on I think 19-20, mighta been 18-20. The monk hit with a roll of like 12+2 or something like that, so I figured it was an obvious hit since I charged/am flanking. So I said, "Critical threat, rolling to confirm."

Rolled like a 17 or something. "Sweet! Rolling dmg!" Rolled a total of 9, not a very good crit actually.

There was a pause.

"Okay, you need to STOP assuming," said the DM, and he went on a rant about how I don't do anything until he confirms/gives me the okay, which is why our games move slow, because he takes foreveeerrrr. I say "I just figured since she hit with 14, I hit with 19 and etcetc" and he went off the handle, repeating himself. So I said "Fine, sorry, jesus."

Then, he said "Besides, you forgot to roll your sneak attack damage."

"Want me to roll it now, then?"

"You did 12 damage. You get a 3."

"O... okay."

"Besides, if your sneak attack would have done more you'd have killed them while they were disabled and I'd have to change your alignment."

Now, I was Chaotic Neutral, and these guys attacked us first. Also, he wasn't disabled when I began the attack, how was I to know my rapier would decimate some royal guard.

So, I send him a private message and I says, "You know, I'm Chaotic Neutral. That wouldn't change my alignment, because good and evil in D&D are like cosmic forces and shit, and this guy wasn't good, he was evil or at least neutral."

He replies with, "Not in my game." (We didn't have any knowledge beforehand he was using a homebrew alignment system.) "And if you correct me again I'll have your character killed.

This sounded like something he said about a minute before.

"And if you assume again I'll have you killed on the enemy swarm phase."

So, I was losing my patience. "You know, it's not smart to handle players this way."

"And it's not smart to disrespect me."

We ended up getting into a big argument about how he's being aggressive and controlling and how I was trying to be polite and had my efforts stomped upon. Finally I just told the players "Sorry guys, I'm done. This guy is just out of control." I left, he basically threw me one last caps-locked flame and blocked me, also banned me from his site.

How's that for a DM horror story?

>>7903155
It's a wonder you stayed with him for that long.

>>7903155

pretty bad, but pretty standard. Take a nerd, give him a position of power, and laugh as he becomes a self absorbed douche.

There is a lot of blank space in your story though, with all the "I can't remember..." parts.

>>7903191
This was early 09 and it was a two session game, and we didn't know each other too well. So yeah, sorry about that.

It's mostly stuff that's not important, though. In a way it gives you some insight into how much he rambled and how little interest he was able to conjure up in his players. His game didn't have a session 3 that I know of.

>>7903107
Well what I meant was they had political and social power. Royalty's stronger figures were female. Take how in real life men tend to get paid more and reverse it. Minus the possibility of bribery via fellatio, of course.

>>7903259

Bribery via cunnilingus is still viable, right?

Dropping the trip cus I don't need it anymore.

>>7903280
I guess, but theoretically it is less likely because finding a chick to suck your cock is harder to do then to find some guy willing to lick your vagoo so he can get his penis in it later. Guys probably would go to more lengths than the ladies to get their sexual fulfillment, to the point of allowing their desperate employees.

not so much a horror story, but it is really frustrating..

We have a DM and 4-5 players of the standard group. A cleric who plays like Shepard Book, steal-happy rogue... I made a character whose father was once an adventurer, and she steals his magic spellbook and goes off on her own.
Now, i said 4-5 because one guy works all the time so he joins when he can. It's not really an issue, but we are both wizards, so when he joins, i tend to become a little more useless.

The DM tries to make it so i can help, and i am grateful for that...but his idea means that almost every NPC hits on me.

This isn't the worst DM I have but... mine talks a lot. And I mean a LOT.

We usually DnD for 4.5 hours per session each time but he spends at least 45-60 min in a monologue as he tells us what happened before. And that's simply what happens before any of our characters get to actually do anything.

I'm not counting what happens between scenes, what happens when his villains have a monologue themselves etc. I long for combat simply because it shuts him up.

Oh, and he gives terrible terrible items as well. We're playing fourth edition and he gives me alchemy stuff. I told him that my character does not know and does not plan on knowing Alchemy. Yet the ruling stands. He gives me a +2 wand when I already have a +3 Rod. A wand that does nothing at all btw. And no, he doesn't allow the Dual Proficiency feat so I can't use it as a damage bonus.

I'm level 11 and I'm still wearing normal leather armour. Despite having the Enchant Item ritual we can't make magical items ourselves. We need special items which we should quest for but we have to guess where they are. No skill rolls about, your character may be knowledgeable in the arcane, history, well travelled etc but apparently we're supposed to use our own knowledge. Although we're not allowed to metagame (yes, contradiction I know).

This thread is gooooooooood.

>>7903362

Oh yes, despite that no one sells their magic items because they're far too valuable (after all that +1 armour could save your life) they still sell for 1/5 of the price. So the only way to get items is through the DM who doesn't seem to care what you want or need. I think paragon tier is going to introduce the first party wipe.

epic thread indeed. I felt like telling about the constant DMPCing one of my GMs does. but he's even recognised the problems and are working to correct them.
Reasonable son of a bitch...

Yeah this rant doesn't quite meassure up...

I found this on /tg/ It might not be totally true but it contains many truths:

A Night At The Inn, A Day At The Racists
WARNING THE FOLLOWING STORY IS TRUE AND IS ALSO VERY VERY POLITICALLY INCORRECT. READ AT YOU OWN PERIL. ALSO BE WARNED SPELLING AND FORMATTING ERRORS ABOUND.
Somehow I found myself back in El Disgusto's basement, Psycho Dave had decided it was his turn to try and run D&D. El Disgusto, Weasly Crusher, Cheating Bastard, Deviant Boy, Short Attention Span Larry and yours truly were the players. I was curious to see how Psycho Dave ran a game. I was sure it couldn't be as bad as Deviant Boy's dungeon where the treasure horde was a room filled with bound naked halflings and staves with Permanency and Grease spells cast on them.
How wrong I was. How wrong I was.


Psycho Dave: "Still shaking from your encounter with the Giant Shrunken Apple Head Woman and make your way to the in. The rain is cold, cold like cold rain."

El Disgusto: "I continue to ride underneath the wagon... ninja style!"

Psycho Dave: "You realise that no one even knows you're there yet."

El Disgusto: "Good."

Psycho Dave: "You do realize this is the third session of the campaign."

El Disgusto: "The ways of the the ninja are hard to understand and inscruatable."

Psycho Dave: "Fine. Roll to see if you hang on."

Me: "We need to be on guard, we still don't know who brought us here and why."

Weasly Crusher: "My fighter is ready for anything, except for creatures that drain life levels. I refuse to enter into any dungons or tombs."

Me: "Uh, you know this game is DUNGEONS and dragons."

Weasly Crusher: "I worked too damn ahrd to be second level to loose it over some damn wraith."

Short Attention Span Larry: "Hey cool! Cinemax!"

Deviant Boy: "Hey cool! Shannon Whirry!"

>>7903680

wat?

>>7903680
>El Disgusto, Weasly Crusher, Cheating Bastard, Deviant Boy, Short Attention Span Larry and yours truly were the players.

This may be the greatest list of player nicknames I have ever read.

>>7903680
Oh, this bastard again. It's copypasta from rpg.net. It's 'true' in the sense that all religions are true.