24hrs of this post

>>6126093
aw :(

oh alright

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Rolled 1 (1d4)

>oh

>oww

You vaguely remember a blue ××flash×× , followed by the smell of burning, an orful lot of pain, and no thoughts at all.

You observe that the annoying orange light has burst in its corner, and the deepy pitchy voice shut up like its froat got cut, but your sponge doesn't twigg what these mean, whether their good or bad for YOU, just that they happened.

It takes a distant B O O O O M and a percussive shaking of the ground you're standing on to remind you that you still exist.

You remember that you're Toady, you're here to fugg shit up, and now shit's fukt.

Your Daggy's still stuck in the big sproingsproing. Quickly, easily did Daggy allus go nnnn like that?, you finish the chop while chanting {POPUP}, sending the contraption falling into the Pouch just as you send yourself to where you last left your one {POPUP} Beed.

>Near Smuggler's Harbor 1
>The Glowy Cavern 2
>Tunnel Hub near surface entrance 3
>Seafood's Pocket 4

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You {POPUP} in the forest, nearby the Smugglers' Harbor under the lake.

You spend a long bit of Time patting your still smoking clothes out, just getting your brains back.

And testing out Daggy. It's acchurly blunt now, nothing like it used to be. Bout as cutty as a sharpy shiv when you try it against your thumb.

Noiffy's plenty sharper.

But. When you press it, Daggy slice deep. Not the slow melty curly effect it's got before, when you use it to notch metal plates and work wedges out of rocks: now it reely cut.

To test its limits you force it through a fat old tree trunk in one full-body push, and with another hard lean, lop the tree clean through.

You scramble out the way as it falls.

>cuorrr

[DAGGY UPGRADE]
>Daggy is now 3 melee dmg, +6 Vorpal
>Vorpal damage destroys Dur directly as though hitpoints
>Where target is unarmored Vorpal is considered direct damage; ethereal, higher undead and the like do not benefit from their resistances

•••

You sit in the shade, just having a much and calming down. You deserve it. In the distance there's a huge column of smoke coming up, all black like burning pitch.

The lake the Smugglers' Harbor is in has lost some inches; the water's going down, doesn't rise again.

When it's about halfway down you see the Rhea Drood scrambling out of the fallen hollow log, the entry into the Harbor, carrying two travel bundles on his back, two more in his arms.

He only notices you when you stand up from where you've been resting.

"Oats! The hell you've beenwhatthehellhappenedtoyou?"

You're charred black, gashed up, bashed, filthy, with a fresh collection of fascinating scars.

"Buggs."

"tui Was that you?" he points at the distant black cloud, a fiery column still growing. "And that?" The draining lake.

"Mebbe."

"Green Earth, what did you do?"

"A good job." The manner of speech you adopted from Seafood kicks in. No question marks. Badass.

"No, no, what I meant was, what did you do??"

You're fully stumped. Is this one of those questions with no right answers.

"What. I'z. Wuz. Tolt." Without the question marks, your confusion comes across as a dire promise. He doesn't ask you any more, so at least you both save time.

•••

There's no pickup ride, and you don't want to pull Wagon out in front of the Drood.

Instead he uses a Drood zappy to turn into a hairy brown pig Wild Shape class feature, and another Drood zappy to call and send off a sparrow Animal Messenger, lvl2 Spell ahead of you. After that he's nearly spent in terms of zappies, so it's a hard quiet ride for both of you for a day and a half.

When you break out of the forest onto a 3way road, a grimfaced rabble with a covered wagon - a Rhean "Street Circus" - receive you both without a word and make for Whythistle.

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You report to Seafood first of all, after his shift at Pennmink's Lettery Bard Cantrips: Message, Vicious Mockery.

The most pressing matter to YOU is Gui Li.

Seafood asks you to demonstrate her Martial Arts to him, so you try, with lots of play-by-play explaining.

"So's she pullz the cheaty stikk one side, it becomes a sordy stikk, so'z I fott she'd swing it. But it turnsna a pokeypoke, n she uses her Shifty Footsies, n she's right in muh zone! So's I do a twisty, roit, get aside of the poke, but now it's a sikky, and it's gone fru me ribbz!

Anuvva time I duck off so's she gets the head of her cheaty stikk chopped innada ground, so nachrully I get in forva gibbz. But then the ovva end of her stikk comes up wivva axx on!

N one time when I'z catcht n trappt the stikk inna middle, it breaks into two noiffs in her hands, and I gets stabbt inna titz!

N dat time I'z alreddy lernt up all the new Curry Peed too.

Yez gotsa gidder offa me. Pleez Seafood! She takes muh Times, she takes muh Stuffs, she raids muh napps, n I'z carnt even plupp her rumpypumpy. Pleezy pleez! "

Seafood strokes a beard he doesn't have, then swats you in the face with his carry-home work. You take it. It's just paper.

"No, fool. You need your Unworldly Bride. Being born a "Goblin" is to be born cursed; to this curse you added the deliberate dooming of a young virgin girl, a complete innocent. A Retributive Thunderbolt hangs over you. The Unworldly Matrimony is the surest way to delay its descent until such a time that you are strong enough to survive it."

"B-but yez killt her. Made her yez Pal Buddy. Wazzat do wiv me?"

"Yes I did it; you enabled me; you are complicit. Oneself is of a Realmstage sufficient to endure, even suborn a Sky Splitting Thunderbolt. You are not. You should thank me for getting her to haunt you now, or you would have been struck dead on your day of attainment.

"Stop moaning! The path of Cultivation is full of sacrifice and peril! The path of the so-termed Deviant and Demonic Ways a hundred times so! What is one girl ghost. Who do you have for a Teacher!

"If you must place blame, blame your own arrogance! Your own sloth! Did Shifu not already tell you long before to make a good Marital Home, cook good Oath Dishes for your Bride. Did Shifu not already pass on to you the Foundationals and the Secret Essence of the [Thousand-Segment Carrionpede]. Your Unworldly Bride only got this strong because your neglect motivated her to develop her own Martial Art, while you neglected to train yourself!

"[Plucked Before Spring] is an inferior Form! It relies on her ghostly nature excessively, and needs her victim in her domain for her to bring out its best! YOU learn from Oneself! Be diligent! Be serious! Do not think that just your natural body is enough! Train, faggot!"

>nyerrrh
>shidd

"Yerz, Sweetfudds. Mma do."

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You look so miserable at his pronouncements that he finally throws you a hint.

"Give her weapons to kill you with."

"... ... if I gets gibbt by fings I gaves her, I wins? Izzat a fing?"

"No, Fool above Fools! Your Bride desires gifts! Since she wants her Husband's life, what does the Husband give. Think! With your brains, not your bum!"

You scarper off before you really fetch it.

>gibb her gibs to gibb me wif
>huh
>she wants gudd gibs to gibb gudd
>waddif
>waddif I'z gib gibs dat gibb bad.
>dats a bad gib
>but what if it LUKK like it gibb gudd
>so dats a GUDD gib...

You turn it over and over and over in your sponge. There's sumn. Deffo sumn.

Since Seafood is sour with you right now, you'll show him your biggy bossy lewts later, when you're someplace secluded and he won't hit you with them. You want to see the Racist Dance people next, since they already know you succeeded and from what Seafood told you via {SPEEKY CHATTY} previously, they are bigly SUSSY of you.

"Sweetfudds, Mm orf to see the Racist Dance. Needem to top me up sum Stuffs, seeing I'z used a heap jobbing for 'em."

Seafood doesn't look up from whatever he's doing. Copying and writing. Language: Rhean Rude, Dwarf Runa, and legally admissable Road Parle (Common)

"Mm. Go. Don't make deals without me."

"Wotcher."

•••

You put on your Uncle Oats persona, shying and cringing from everyone. You haven't cleaned up since back at the Smugglers' Harbor; you look and smell authentic.

They don't let you in the safe house because you don't have the watchword, past or current. But then you identify yourself and show them a brace of crunched up Diggy hedds for proof, and they let you in.

The goons don't hide that they're impressed, only the Boss does. Rheas are remorseless gossips, and the Drood fuggen told everwun. There are definite results: the Myrmid Buggs are thrown all out of order, mass casualties which they are calling "unprovoked attacks against civilian noncombatants", refusing to explain what so many civ noncoms are doing so near the contested area; the Dorfs are moving in to secure the det site on the suspicion of Wherewithals of Mass Desolation, treating all encountered as involved or hostile; the Rhean Underground, half-anticipating your success, spring raids to vandalize and demoralize Myrmid strongholds to maximize momentum.

It's chaos.

They don't ask you how you did all this with just two boxes of HiMaX; ops on multiple fronts are pushing, they don't have time.

You tell them the two things you want: a resup, and an armsmith.

A good one.

Chai nods, gets one of his henches to take you.

You're headed for Middle Mart.

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Alright, I'm coming around on it. Maybe we should pull out all the stops for the next ceremony. Buy some HIGH CLASS food just for her. Buy some HIGH CLASS wine just for her. Order the dimmies and Mo Ao to act as entertainment n sheeit, maybe have 'em sing or play some instruments they mighta known in life. Make the house outta some REAL quality stuff, paint it up real nice - spend a fuggin day doing it, two even.
Paint a picture of us pluppin her and hang it in the ceremonial house.
Burn some incense that the rhea told us is perfect for getting someone in the pluppin mood.
Then ceremony the SHIDD outta her. It's not real pluppin but that doesn't mean we shouldn't prep like it is.
I'm tired of getting nearly killed in our sleep. I want her to stop bein a faggit.

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"You want a weapon."

"Yers."

"For a little girl."

"Yers."

"That looks bosserbosser killykilly."

"Yers."

"But is a piece of shit."

"Yers."

"Were you dropped on your head as a baby?"

"Ionno. Wazzat got to do wiv the weapon."

Dhuznund the Dorfy smiff, a not-official liaison between the Peace Keepers and the Township of Whythistle, shoots a look at the hench who brought you here, and finds nothing of use: the hench is as confused as he is.

You offer to pay silver, which he accepts, but it isn't mostly isn't about money.

Your request is retarded.

You excuse yourself one minute, tottle out the place, and get your last full jugg of Stumpy's herby booz out. Dorfs like booz. Pickle his brains and throw coins at him until he says yes, that's your strat.

In the end he does.

You and the hench wobble out, leaning on each other.

Dhuznund wobbles to his forge to piss in the fire.

He doesn't know what he's making, but he's making it.

[QUESTIONS]

Q1: What does Toady request for resup?

Pick ONE:
>Health Potions 2d12 (Small), refills 2/6 [Helff Swigga] each
OR
>HiMaX 2d10
OR
>Grains 3D100
OR
>Supplies 4D100 Stuffs
OR
>WRITE-IN

Q2: What does Toady make Dhuznund make?
Pick ONE:

>An overlong heavy doublehanded weapon, to make Gui Li less accurate, but hurt moar (-2d2 bonus Hit, -2d2 bonus Dodge, -2d2 bonus dmg; base damage becomes 5d2);

>Paired light weapons, to make Gui Li hurt lots less, but moar accurate n shifty (+2d4Hit, +2d4Dodge, -2d4 bonus dmg, base dmg becomes 2d4-2)

>Mismatched combination weapons, to weigh Gui Li down, but give her moar options to hit with (-1d3 bonus Hit, -1d3 bonus Dodge, -1d3 bonus dmg, base dmg becomes 4d3)

[R O L L]
>1D100 gen

40hrs

Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>6126234
>Health Potions 2d12 (Small), refills 2/6 [Helff Swigga] each
for if gui li kills us again...
>An overlong heavy doublehanded weapon, to make Gui Li less accurate, but hurt moar (-2d2 bonus Hit, -2d2 bonus Dodge, -2d2 bonus dmg; base damage becomes 5d2)
idk mebbe zat wun

Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>6126234
>HIGH QUALITY WEDDING CEREMONY STUFFS.
>Paired light weapons, to make Gui Li hurt lots less, but moar accurate n shifty (+2d4Hit, +2d4Dodge, -2d4 bonus dmg, base dmg becomes 2d4-2)
Her damage is za problem. Gotta kill her before we gets killed, dats all. Also two weapons = two gifts, iz betta.

Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>6126234
>Health Potions 2d12 (Small), refills 2/6 [Helff Swigga] each
>An overlong heavy doublehanded weapon, to make Gui Li less accurate, but hurt moar (-2d2 bonus Hit, -2d2 bonus Dodge, -2d2 bonus dmg; base damage becomes 5d2);

If it wouldn't result in a threeway tie I'd have gone with the mismatched combination weapon

>>6126250
don't like toss-ups?

25% is 25%

>>6126241
>2 bits means 2 gifts roit
grubby green hands typed this, kek

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Rolled 3, 2, 6, 6, 3, 5, 3, 2, 6, 5, 2, 2, 2, 4, 4, 1, 2, 3, 1, 4, 3, 4, 5, 4, 6 = 88 (25d6)

how many d6 to reach 200 = number of Silver thrown at Dhuznund, +1d12 Grains for material

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Rolled 2, 5, 5, 2, 1, 5, 5, 6, 1, 6, 5, 1, 6, 2, 3, 3, 6, 5, 5, 1, 5, 1, 1, 2, 1 = 85 (25d6)

112 remaining; 25 silver thrown

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Rolled 2, 2, 3, 4, 2, 5, 1, 6, 5, 4, 4, 3, 4, 6, 5, 5, 2, 1, 2, 4 = 70 (20d6)

27 remaining; 50 silver thrown

last 3 D6 is the Grain cost

how are these rolls so low

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59 Silvers and 7 Grain deducted

Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>6126234
>Health Potions
>An overlong heavy doublehanded weapon, to make Gui Li less accurate, but hurt moar (-2d2 bonus Hit, -2d2 bonus Dodge, -2d2 bonus dmg; base damage becomes 5d2);

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Rolled 12, 12 = 24 (2d12)

For the next week Chai scrambles to get your forged papers cleared for passage to Buttondew Hills, another Rhea town within Underground influence, while Dhuznund works on your special order and an onset of depression.

In the meantime Seafood wraps up his doings at Pennmink's "Rhean Bards are the greatest cheats out of a race of thieves." and teaches you the Third Moulting of the Carrionpede far out of the Town.

The Second Moulting got you used to having three weapons at play, the third juggled between your arm- and elbowpits. Seafood corrects you: it's not two knives and stickblade you should be using, but a Bestial Meteor Lash (猛星流鞭; meng3 xing1 liu2 bian1).

To demonstrate, he borrows a heavy rope from you, measures out three cross-torso lengths from it, and knots both ends and two more along the length, equidistant.

Then he asks you to do Starvation Swallowing Sand, then Chasing the Simurgh's Heel to throw-up, ending in a full air-raver, Splitting Three Corpses. Moves from the Second Moulting.

Easy enough. You pick a tree you think fat enough to take the full deal, and GIVVIDIT, taking off three out of five limbs, with Daggy effortlessly chopping a winding stair all the way up the trunk.

Seafood raises an eyebrow, holds comment.

You stand back as you watch him do the same moveset, but slower for your advantage: the rope crosses and rolls across his body, the weighted momentum swinging the knots to thump and brush across the tree; stabs and slashes, if they were blades.

The movements are more fluid than yours, the thumps landing with the force not just of one arm, but arm-shoulder-arm or leg-waist using the body-torque of a Carrionpede Transformation.

The riddle-rhymes of the Third Moulting come in three-peats, sixer-six of em. Seafood doesn't strangle you so many times in teaching you now; your brain's pickup's gotten faster because of all that training.

"The Third Moulting requires living blood; within expectation. But not the blood of cattle; standing meat. To improve you must seek spirited blood; blood that sings. Find it, wake it to full strength, and bathe."

Blood that sings eh. Fighty Ones. And you carnt do 'em cheap. Gotta gibbem face-on.

"We will meet enough of such soon, hmhm, headed where we are. If you seek improvement before then, there are several means.

"Buttondew Hills is larger than Whythistle somewhat, and close to several Human towns. There should be an Adventurer's Guild there. If you register with them you should be grouped with a party; these disappear all the time I hear, hmhm.

"If you would be more discreet, you need not register, merely follow where groups were sent. In this case you might be facing more opponents at a time, since YOU are not taking up space in their party.

>QM rollan Small Health Potion Gettys

>>6127198
W rolls for once holy

wow, max 24.

Toady rep with the Resistance is topped out.

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Rolled 2, 2, 2, 1, 2, 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 1, 2, 2, 1, 2, 1, 1, 1, 2, 2, 1, 2, 2, 2, 1 = 38 (25d2)

>24 Small Health Pots Getty
>[Helff Swigga] now 5/6
>Balance 22 Pots Pouched

"Another way is to wade in blood. A war is brewing again here, now with three factions, thanks to you. Go into the midst and kill. There will be plenty to kill, so you will improve quickly. The danger is, you cannot tell how many you will meet; should you be insufficient, you will die or be taken; should you leave witnesses, you will be known.

"If you would partake in war yet stay unknown, you can hide yourself from the three factions among a fourth: a great "Orc" horde, somewhere in the hinters past the Myrmid line, North Westly of the Dwarf Fort past Whythistle. If you find them you may elect to go with the main force in their ravages, or with the Goblin auxiliary. In the first you will likely be bullied, then envied; in the second you will meet fewer worthy enemies.

"In neither case will Shifu be with you; in such small affairs there is only blood enough to whet but not satisfy. If you seek the Orcs I shall stay even further off; with just one of YOU the stench is barely tolerable. The odors of forty thousands altogether would be unimaginable.

"Shifu gives you a month and a half to play. 42 Days, once you decide."

•••

"Nyerr, Sweetfudds, anuvva fing. Yez said to bring back Wagon for fixies. How yez fixies."

He gets the Dedder Dust you have left over from Plague Town and does a zappy.

As the sack of Dedder Dust gets moar flopsy, the bashed and cracked plates of Wagon's Natural Armor starts filling out.

"Nyerr, can I do vat."

He just swats at you. He's tired of telling you about your lack of mystic talent.

>Dimm Kult is repaired 1D2 Natural Armor Dur per DD, or 2d3 HP per DD
>Repairing 30Dur for Wagon

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>20DD used to fix Wagon

"And who might this be."

"Va Bluddslutt I'z got out from na Cherch cubby Sweetfudds. I fedd her ennuf Buggz dat she grew back."

"Ah. A Vampire. Who knew the Scaromate Paladins kept such pets. Your name."

"Casserfena Melliope. Of the Scaromate Inquiry... Formerly." She said it with a pained look, completely defeated.

"Oh. The Paladin's woman. Is this familiar."

Seafood sleights something from his own Pouch, smaller, neater than yours. Gold brocade silk.

The flash is Sordyfagg's sord, crackling slightly in Seafood's hand, somehow hateful of him. He overpowers its resistance by force. The Bluddslutt visibly flinches at the resulting BLAZE, covering her eyes, crying blood.

"...Pieté...no...no..."

"Hmhmhm. Your man is dead. Your life is over. Your efforts in Derrechston, futile in the end. Tudi! Get out that Grave Servant of mine."

You drag out Moar Oww from the Pouch.

"This was Deacon Omer, formerly of Derrechston. One of the "Velerine Ordinary", is that right."

• Yes, Lord. •

"He has been very useful. Teaching me your Righteous Scriptures and the histories of this land, helping this oaf Disciple of mine in his tasks. Many things. Only usefulness and obedience matter, before Oneself. So tell us how will you be useful, little nun."

She doesn't know what to say, offers nothing.

"Hmhmhmhm. I thought as much. Mo Ao has a full life's worth of experience and knowledge, far more than you, and the few Spells you have from serving your Lady are gone forever. What else is left of use but your body!"

Seafood is already stowing the sord; he's made three cuts at a stroke into the Bluddslutt: parting both shoulders and halving the waist.

She starts screaming, the agony of Undead being cut with a Sanctified Weapon.

"Tudi! Stuff it!"

>nyekk
>deddussy
>dis gonna be dry as fugg

You move forward obediently, parting the legs and lifting the skirt of her botty half.

You get Gobbgantua out of your tuckeroos -

"No! Stuff her mouth!"

>bekh
>reely?

You carry on dumbly, shoving your rancid flaccid goblinhood at her face.

"If yez bites it Bluddbich i'mma - "

"TUDI YOU HORNGOAT FOOL. I MEANT GAG HER SO SHE SHUTS UP."

"nyerr, but I iz maeking her gegg - OGAY OGAY SWEETFUDDS BOSS YES YES MM DOIN MM DOIN "

• Heh •

" (shaddap Bedshit, I'll sort yez square later) "

When you're done gagging her with rope, Seafood comes to caress her face.

"I will never hear "Casserfena Melliope" from your lips ever again. From now on you answer to Le4 Bie2 (樂別) to Oneself; to these others, you are Velery, your own worst enemy. Tudi! Any Living Men's Blood you have no use for, feed it to her; when she regrows, divide her corpse as I have, without touching her head or heart. Thus you will have a ready supply of Corpse Dust for repairs. Hmhmhm!"

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• My Lord, may I speak. •

"What is it."

• The Goblin has no capacity for magic, yet shall need repairs to myself, the Dimm Kulti, and now the Dimm Beetle and ... Velery, as we go to dangerous places. •

• If it please my Lord, this your servant's Dimm Body may with some aid effect necromantic repair through its {UNHOLY GRASP} Spell-like ability. While your servant is unable at present to use the Grasp effectively in combat, it can be repurposed for repair with a Charm such as my Lord is capable. •

• Though, a caution: a One may become aware of my improvements, and so this body and the Goblin who most benefits from it may come more to ... their... attention. •

Seafood digs his ear idly, listening. When Moar Oww's done, Seafood passes the buck to you.

"Tudi. Your backside; your decision. And before I forget, hand me the Graincoin for rent. Seven a day for seven days. We are moving after."

(Seafood examines Daggy, closes shop in Whythistle and starts meddling with The Glowy and The Glowy Launcher in tomorrow's fillerpost)

[THOUSAND-SEGMENT CARRIONPEDE: THIRD MOULTING] UNLOCKED
>0(/2)% Dodge
>0(/8)% Hit
>0(/8) Damage
>Overkill 1 unlocked at 14/18 upgrade points
>1D3 LMs of Heroic Blood required per upgrade point

[MULTIPLE CHOICE]

Seafood has granted Toady 42 Days trainan time for [TSCP III].

How does Toady use them.

CHOOSE ONE:

>Go with the flow; pursue Seafood's Heist. Anyone you gibb along the way is enough. Maybe.

OR

>Register with the Adventurer's Guild in Buttondew Hills then fight your assigned party; you will be leaving a trace for investigators, penalty to your WANTED 1D1000

OR

>Hunt down the membership of the Adventurer's Guild in Buttondew Hills; no trace of you on Guild records, but you will need to hunt the Party, and it will have at least one person more in it.

OR

>Join the biggy scrum wots coming up between the Dorfs, Myrmids, Rheas, and whoever else, as an unaffiliated equal opportunity killer. If you don't perform well enough, you might die, get captured, or get noticed.

OR

>Prod the Orc horde neighboring the Myrmid territories to join the three-way scrum, masking your presence with theirs.
>If this, choose to run with the main body, where you will be bullied and encounter social difficulty
>OR
>Go with the Goblin baggage rabble; there will only be the usual annoying Gobby shit, but you probably won't meet as many Fighty Ones, since the auxiliary are just used to draw fire and mopup.

OR

>You got Church Inquirors 1D2+1 and Road Warders 1D3+1 hunting you already. Hunting them right back might make the problem go away for ever, or get bigger.

OR

>WRITE-IN UR SUPERCREASED GALAXYSPONGE IDEES

[YESNO]
>Have Seafood make a Repair Trinkkitt for Moar Oww so's he can fix hisself, Dimmies, Wagon, & Bluddslutt, 4D10+4 DD cost. But Dimmu Queen will know. Y/N

>>6126305
>>6126278
>>6126250
>>6126241
>>6126240

BoA 80 slotted.

~36hrs.

>>6127293
I GOT ME AN IDEAR.
>Go and establish a FIGHT CLUB in the nearby Orc horde. Give in to the frenzy of battle with them in (relative) safety, and with reliable sparring partners! Who knows, maybe you'll even get lucky and beat up their bosser, making YOU the new orc bosser.
Seafood doesn't know how gobbos and orcs work. But we do. This is roight up their alley, it is.
>N, cuck the dimmu queen even more

>>6127293
>Go and establish a FIGHT CLUB in the nearby Orc horde. Give in to the frenzy of battle with them in (relative) safety, and with reliable sparring partners! Who knows, maybe you'll even get lucky and beat up their bosser, making YOU the new orc bosser.
>Have Seafood make a Repair Trinkkitt for Moar Oww so's he can fix hisself, Dimmies, Wagon, & Bluddslutt, 4D10+4 DD cost. But Dimmu Queen will know. Y

>>6127293
while
>Go and establish a FIGHT CLUB in the nearby Orc horde. Give in to the frenzy of battle with them in (relative) safety, and with reliable sparring partners! Who knows, maybe you'll even get lucky and beat up their bosser, making YOU the new orc bosser.
doesnt sound bad, i am unsure if we would get enough LM that way

so i will go with this
>Hunt down the membership of the Adventurer's Guild in Buttondew Hills; no trace of you on Guild records, but you will need to hunt the Party, and it will have at least one person more in it.
and
>No

>>6127385
I think itll be the most reliable source of LM. Think about it: 1v1 deathmatches. As many as you want in a day. Healing and rest periods when you want. maybe even 1v2 or more if you want a challenge. thousands of willing participants.
Other options you gotta hunt for enemies. These come right to us!

>>6127565
if QM lets it work like that
will the orcs really let us kill them one after the other?

>>6127572
It's about bloodshed! Bloodsports are bound to be popular among Orcs and Goblins. The strong thrive and the weak die! That's just the way things are. And what better way to prove that you're STRONGER than everyone else by putting your life on the line in the arena? If you don't, you must be a COWARD and a PUSSY.
Besides, if they can't kill a lowly goblin, they deserved to die!

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There will be moar Heroic LM to bathe in at the Orc Battlegrounds in a shorter time compared to hunting the membership of AG.

that's all QM will divulge at this time.

Waiting for regular 4th Droog to weigh in first.

>>6127293
>Go and establish a FIGHT CLUB in the nearby Orc horde. Give in to the frenzy of battle with them in (relative) safety, and with reliable sparring partners! Who knows, maybe you'll even get lucky and beat up their bosser, making YOU the new orc bosser.
>Have Seafood make a Repair Trinkkitt for Moar Oww so's he can fix hisself, Dimmies, Wagon, & Bluddslutt, 4D10+4 DD cost. But Dimmu Queen will know. NO - How much do we really trust Moar Oww?

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ORKY FOIT CLOBB ITTIZ

ANVA DIMM BOSSBICH CAN EAT SHITT

>>6127604
lets beat up those orcs and get some orcussy!

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~~FILLER POST~~

"Tudi. Let me see the Sky Piercing Dagger."

You do, not drawing it out of its holder. When Seafood reaches out for it you present it hilt first.

Seafood is... impressed, you think.

"A partial restoration of the Paragon Core. Even basal, this must have taken a lot of power at once. What did you find in the City under the earth."

So you tell him: smarty Buggz from the outside trying to dig through sealed stone portals from the surface; fungus chambers, some crunchy some itchy; buried sleepies like Wagon; dummy Buggz colonizing the heated chamber housing The Glowy; Her Temple that got blasted by The Glowy; a City full of Dimmy things you didn't stop to find out; a biggy metal room with lots of gubbins, n Da Glowy Gunn on the ceiling.

You remember not remembering for a while after trying to cut through the sproingsproing holding up the Gunn, and a little after that noticing that Daggy now always went nnnn.

Seafood's talking to himself.

"An Earthed Thunder Circuit Array. ? Put to such poor use. ? Inconceivable. Unless. An immense development in material Dao, dangerously maintained, may equal an advanced array in power. They were desperate; a scorpion striking a snake...

"Tudi. Show me this "Glowy Gunn." "

You try to, stretching out the Pouch with your two feet spread and heaving the Gunn from the middle. Past a certain point, quite early on, you carnt hup it out any more.

" Id's too biggy Sweetfudds. I'z carnt."

Seafood tries and carnt either, needing two chanty squiggles on the ground before he's capable, and even then there's hairline cracks appearing on his body.

"This is the weapon that destroyed the Temple."

"Nar, just biggy chunk off the top and da boss altar. It blarsted everfin in the Temple to bits tho; I mean va biggy mobbs wots mobbing up inna."

"A troop gathering. How many."

You start counting on your fingies.

"Many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many many Lots. Around dat many, I fink. But derr all chunks n bitz tho, freezy inna dried melty rocks. "

"Hm. Radiant damage perhaps. ? Let's see this "Glowy"."

"Nyerr. Itz reel hotts Sweetfudds. I'z gots toastid tryna bag it. N it'z hevvy. Need Wagon n a hooky rope to tow it."

"Useless! Give me the Pouch."

You do; Seafood does another charm and hauls it out barehanded. The hairline cracks on him lengthen. He doesn't care.

"Hm. Amusing. Very amusing. A source of unremitting plain Yang will have its uses. Good find, Tudi."

He puts some squiggles on them all over, which seems to make them handle easier, and confiscates them from you with no explanation.

You expected this, just like you expect to get reel guddygudd benefits from his leavings once he's done; something you never have gotten on your own in ten thousand years of trying.

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Rolled 1, 1, 2, 1, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 1, 1 = 17 (11d2)

It's been a week.

Seafood's packed, headed for Buttondew Hills, and your Rhea Racist Dance guide taking you past the Dorf Forts to the Orky Place in Buggland is waiting down Main with four ponies.

The one thing left to collect is Gui Li's new weapon. You've paid a hock of silver for it just to make her kill you less hard, and you're not about to forget your investment.

The workshop is cold when you reach it, nothing lit.

It all smells of metal in there, so you can't make out which lumpy shape is Dhuznund.

A slow ooze of baccy smoke marks him out, and even then you have trouble spotting him: he's completely still, covered in grime and soot, lying on a pile of coalcrumbs and junked bits.

His eyes don't open. You're about to oy him when his beard mumbles.

"Take it. Get out."

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That Dorf really delivered.

It's tall as a Humie pole weapon, got a weight on one end like a Dorfy basher, all kinds of ugly-gnarlies like a S&M Binny made it, and the pointies barely sharp like a Gobby made it.

Perfect.

[GOOD BAD-GIFT]
> -2% Hit, -3% Dodge, -4 bonus dmg
>Gui Li base damage now 8
>This will be destroyed if Gui Li is beaten twice while using it
>OR if Toady presents her a new Good Bad-Gift

Rolled 44, 48, 49, 52, 70, 42, 92, 2, 59, 80, 40, 6, 32, 63, 84, 61, 55, 12, 23, 93, 4, 61, 65, 20, 72 = 1229 (25d100)

rolling for days taken to travel to the Orcs

how many dice it takes to get 3 x 50+

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Rolled 10, 4, 6, 1, 10, 10, 9, 1 = 51 (8d10)

>34 Days Off Remaining
>Rolling for 8 days hire of Rhea guide and ponies, in Grains

You're off. With all the Peace Keeper attention swiveled in the direction of the Dimm City blow-out, the Rhea guide takes you a longish way round.

In a couple days you're past the Dorfy Forts; couple days after that, the Rhea begs off: the Orcs are getting close enough to smell, which means they can also smell back, if the wind is right.

The ponies are cowed jittery, ready to bolt at any big noise or movement; you're not confident you won't be tossed and stomped by them when that happens, so fine, you let the faggot leave. The longer they take means the moar YOU pay, anyway. You're richer than most of most goblins 99.99%; that doesn't mean you don't feel the pinch.

>ahh fuggit
>it'z me jollydays

You're in the territory of YOUr people now. Hotter, mustier jungle, and not because of the natural climate this part of the world: the farts and shits and foliage destruction of YOUr kind have the effect of overhauling the greenery after a few years.

Orcs and Gobbs are the same species GS lore; SpiderSnailDM, GS' OverGod, cribs 40K or Tolkien., Orcs usually being bred out of larger breedstock like centaurs, or Goblins that have survived 10 years of life or more as melee fighters. That this place is known to the Weak Races as Orc Territory means it's been here awhile, with plenty strong 'uns, meaning there's a OrcBoss or Bosses here wot got da chops.

Weird that you haven't heard any news about Orc or Gobby raids this whole time though; a supermobb big and organized enough to hold territory would have gone krumpen and raepen lots.

It's what YOU would have done, without Seafood looming over you, making you lern.

But you don't dwell on it; you'll find out soon.

•••

When scouting for Orcs n Gobbs first of all yez gotsa to be sneeky, which YOU are plenty; greenies go vewy vewy qwiet when there's suddenly new smells and sounds about.

Good for YOU that you smell quite Gobby with no effort, and you're quiet by second nature these days.

Following your schnozz is not much use around here: everywhere's shitz n fartz, nothing stands out in the open except a pervading rust, the general direction of the closest Orc sprawl.

What you follow is your ears: Orcs are noisy, a bad habit that comes from winning so hard at life that they've growed old and swole. Sounds reach you: shouty swearing laughing krumping kludging: rhythmic metal bashings and scrapings of Orc KludgeSmartz making choppaz and backup-backup choppaz and sharping them up.

You're near enough.

Time nah make yer entrance.

[CHOICE]

>Make like a BOSS:
>Full kit, all weapons, riding yer BOSSWAGON BEETLE
>Ur gonna get envied and challenged, but that's going to happen anyway sooner or l8r.
>Might as well NOW, make them react with no prep.

OR

>Make like a gretchin:
>mostly nakey, shivs only.
>you can allus surprise them l8r hard
>waste 1d3 days, +15 sneekibreeki bonus

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>>6127615
>>6127601
>>6127579
>>6127321
>>6127303

>>6128403
option 1

>>6128403
>Make like a BOSS:

>>6128403
>Make like a BOSS:

>>6128403
>Make like a BOSS:
>Full kit, all weapons, riding yer BOSSWAGON BEETLE
>Ur gonna get envied and challenged, but that's going to happen anyway sooner or l8r.
>Might as well NOW, make them react with no prep.

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Youre going to walk in like a BOSS and make a scene.

Youve got moar Stuffs and kit than any twenty greenies together, not even counting Daggy, Pouchy, or Trinkkittz.

You deserve it.

Whatever's going on stops at the sight of you: full Quality Kludge on, slicey dicey stick-blade in one hand, the other on Wagon's girding.

Daggy and Noiffy are at your armpits, Daggy bound in its holder with string, in case someone tries yanking it.

Of course nearly immediately the Gobbies start clamoring:

"ey! eyy! Whurjoo gidd allis Stuffs nyerr?"

"Givvus a gibs, cumman, tightfist! I wanza cutty wun!"

"Ooh ooh I wanna ride da beetl!"

They'll be groping your kit trying to yoink things in a minute, and the minute after that squabble and fight you. Yez gotsa put up a pecking order.

You point at the noisiest, nearest one in front, that one wots wantsa ride.

Wagon lurches, caliper clamps open. The Gobbies at the front see it coming and try to back off, but they're kept in place by the press of Gobbies from the back tryna see; two Gobbies get clamped and begin to get scissor-pressed, screaming. Wagon's mouf-crunchy action is much slower now that he's Dimm, but the serrated calipers still work.

Two moar that try to climb up get slashed with your stickblade.

They don't spill much blood, but their screams are pitched terror and dismay: their worlds have gone dark, and they start to realize it will be ever so.

You feel no remorse, because you are a Goblin: they are doing what YOU would have done, and YOU have done what stopped them. It's not like you know em.

"EYY. YEW LOTZ KIN FUGGOF. WHURZA BOSS. WE GATZ BIZNIZ.[/spoiler]" You bellow hard, with your belly; you have to, to be heard over the two still screaming chorus in Wagon's mouf, and to be felt.

The Gobbs part a bit, pointing you: thataway, where there are Orcs starting to stand up and look YOUr way.

You start to enter the proppa Orky part of the settlement when Trubble comes knocking.

A Bullybugger gets up to block your path.

"Woi, titchy." He's standing tall, arms folded, but he's got just tuckeroos on, and a smally for him axx tucked in the back. The way his pals are still lounging and grinning at YOU means they probably won't cut in. At least not at first.

"Wat grigger." Your voice is level. You've seen far worse than him in a mirror.

He doesn't like that he can't make you cringe with just a grin; he bunches up his arms and shoulders, grinns bigger.

"Oi finks yez gotz sumn a moin, Titchy."

"Lemme guess. Alluv it roit. Kizz my arzz Bitchtits. Fuggout me way 'fore I ride yer frunnaya buttbuddies."

This is a new experience for him, a Gobby not just giving up its toys when arsked nicely.

He glances at his pals. You givvidim.

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[HOW GIVVIT]

Q1:
>SHOWEM DA CARRIONPEDE Y/N
>Y means no trump card later
>N means only 1 weapon @ 5dmg + 4bonusdmg, +2% Dodge, +4% Hit

Q2:

>SUICIDEY
>Defensive
>Offensive

Q3:

>CHARGE ON BEETLEBACK NARR
>Wagon attempts a CLAMP
>Orc is unarmed, unprepared
>Buddies more likely to jump in when this chump starts losing
>No Heroic LM, you just want to see how tuff dey are.
>AND itz fun.

OR

>Dismount, wait for him to arm and ready
>1D2 Heroic LM
>Buddies may still fight you later, but they won't interfere in this fight
>It'z not proppa Orky to pitch in when a gretchin's got dis much bollz.
>Zargnag can woip hiz own arz diz toim.

[R O L L]

>6D100, for 3 rounds
>Everyone

>>6128444
>>6128442
>>6128433
>>6128408

Rolled 71, 74, 72, 93, 65, 7 = 382 (6d100)

>>6128461
>Q1:
>N
Q2:
>Defensive

Rolled 2, 1, 2, 2, 3, 2, 1, 1, 3, 2, 2, 1, 3, 3, 2, 3, 3, 1 = 37 (18d3)

rollan total Heroic LM needed for TSCP III

Translates to 2 Heroic LM per TSCP Upgrade Point

Rolled 38, 20, 25, 94, 78, 55 = 310 (6d100)

>>6128461
>Y means no trump card later
Show 'em we mean business. NOT TO FUCK WITH US.
>Offensive
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
BALLS FOR THE BALL LORD!
>Dismount, wait for him to arm and ready
Da fight club starts NOW

>>6128461
>yes
>dismount
>offensive

Rolled 6, 77, 34, 57, 21, 99 = 294 (6d100)

>>6128534
Come on dice, wake up.

Rolled 77, 89, 76, 35, 70, 20 = 367 (6d100)

>>6128461
1. Nyer
2. Defensive (test da git)
3. Dismount (wez gots a new bich to ride)

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Q1:
>2 Y, 2 N

Q2:
>2 Defensive, 2 Offensive

Q3:
>3 Dismount

Current BoA
>R1: 77, 89
>R2: 76, 94
>R3: 78, 99

Votes and Rolls still open

Close+Writan in 14hrs

Rolled 59, 22, 7, 74, 97, 3 = 262 (6d100)

>>6128461
>SHOWEM DA CARRIONPEDE Y
>SUICIDEY
>Dismount, wait for him to arm and ready

R3 now 97, 99

Rolled 85, 37, 83, 65, 15, 35 = 320 (6d100)

>>6128550
+1

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Dice 1÷12+24 = HP
Dice 2÷12+3 = Dmg
Dice 3&4 = Defensive Attack

No armor, no skillz.

DOITTUEM

Rolled 41, 50, 81, 83 = 255 (4d100)

>R1: 85, 89
>R2: 83, 94
>R3: 97, 99

dice didn't roll; rollan again

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Rolled 73, 18, 8, 54 = 153 (4d100)

2nd contestant CARMAN DARRRN

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1, 2= HP A
3, 4= HP B
5, 6= Dmg A
7, 8= Dmg B

9, 10= Aggressive
11, 12 = Aggressive

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When his stance is squared, the choppa out of the tuckeroos and firm in hand, you give him one more beat, no more excuses, then drop into Form and scrabble for him.

Zargnag keeps defensive, holding back, his eyes trying to follow your weird way of moving: taking three steps for one step's distance, always heading for his voonerables.

His stance is wide: since you're low, near flat on the ground, he has to wait for you to stand still before tryna chop yer.

You give him that: you freeze right at his feet, half-raise off the floor like you're going to fly at him - HE CHOPPS! MISSES!! - then drop back down and under him, slashing both heels and, with a hup, driving nearly all of the stikkblade into his bugghole.

He can already twigg the conclusion: he's gibbz

>Toady Attack 89+10 VS SCRUBLOL 83
>HIT 29 Dmg
>= -2/27HP

>LOSER Attack 81 VS Toady 85+2
>WIFF

You're up his toppling body in one beat, your knees to his neck as he lands.

He's shouting in pain, but squeezes his voice shut when you yank his head back and show him Daggy.

The deddniss in your voice makes everything clear to him.

"Toljer I wuz gonna ride yer. Narr, yez gotta sumn na moin. I'm jezt gunna take it ogay. Fanks Bichtitz, I'z knew yer wuddnt moind."

Then you start scalping him, and he starts bellowing, blood diarrhea still splurting from his arz.

None of his buttbuddies stop you. A few get up. Not to try to staunch the blood or save him or nuffin: YOUre now worth foitn, and the Gobbies bunched up behind you are starting to point and chatter like your win is their win.

They have to lay down a pecking order.

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The next 'un's up. He gives you time to extract your stikkblade out of Bichtitz' backside and wipe it orf on the loser's tuckeroos.

Already the Gobbos are inching up behind you, waiting for you to turn your attention away so they can drag the weakly struggling Loser into their midst and eat him.

Not everyday they get to eat good dense meat; you kill makes it their kill, in a way, and their ravenous spite is YOUr ravenous spite, in a way. You don't have the stomach to eat a whole Orc alive; they do. Kind of an equal trade really.

You finish wiping off the stikkblade, throw some dert on it to make the grip good, take Stance.

One beat's grace, then you both charge.

>Toady Attack 94+10 VS NOOBLOL 8
>HIT 29 Dmg
>= 1/30HP

>NOOBKEK Attack 54 VS Toady 83+2
>M-M-M-MISS

The first grigger hadn't done well tryna chop down at yer, so this one's swinging wild, side to side.

You do a little dancing, swaying to soundless contrary wind, then leap into his swing, using the force of it to hup yourself off the ground, then throwing your own gained momentum into his opened arm, taking it off at the elbow.

He screams of course, then brings up a smally backup noiff from his back - but you've already climbed up his back, standing on the shoulder with the chopped arm.

He might still hit you if he tries; he feels Daggy pressing on his froat, warm red flowing down it. He looks into your eyes. You can nearly ready his throughts: he thinks you're going to shake your head in a slow cautionary no.

You nod vigorously and cheerily instead.

"Yyerrrs, faggit. Pleez waste moi toim."

He drops the noiff, groaning through gritted teef as you scalp him. This 'un's tuffer, but not by much.

By the time you jump off him, his arm's vanished into the crowd to a series of scrunches. The Gobbies eat with their meofs open, a feast for their eyes and tumtums. Dinner theater.

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Bellows from behind you.

YOUre worth at least two Orcs now, not a scratch in you.

The rest of the buttbuddies find their balls and charge.

>QM rollan lost dice

Rolled 50, 66, 76, 65, 72, 59, 61, 5, 94, 63, 5, 90 = 706 (12d100)

whurrs me foggen DOICE

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VictimClub:
Extra1: 28HP, 9Dmg
Extra2: 30HP, 8Dmg
Extra3: 32HP, 8Dmg

They's jumping you from the back, three to one: VATS what YOUr worth.

They ARE going to land hits, but YOUve already twigged you can take out one nakey Orc with a full combochain, so you charge the group of them SUICIDEY.

>Toady 97+10 vs LOL 76
>HIT
>GIBBT

You carnt kill clean with three Orcs dogpiling you, but that's fine: Carrionpede was never clean.

You meet the blow of the first one head on. He almost has time to smile before you plant Daggy in his belly, push up innada heart, and Noiffy into his side, then hard across, the sudden ⊥ opening up his middle I to a river of guts.

The second one WHOKKs you from the back, then slips in the guts hard, and you're on him: side of the neck wif Daggy, Noiffy in his eye to hold his head still, allowing Daggy to drag down the chest, halving the heart.

The third faggot, fatty fucker, fetches you across the back with a kludge basher before you can finish the job on the second faggot.

The Gobbies rooting for YOU pitch in with a few sneeki cheapshots, just enough to get the second faggot disarmed, so he can watch himself pump and bleed out with the last of his brains.

You round on the third fucker but he's backed off, away from your ring of supporters.

There are moar Orcs standing up now on the Orc side, none of them laughing. Several have put on their Kludge Armor. YOUve made them look bad. If they don't tryda krump yer, they will always doubt whether they were ever Proppa Orky

They're not going to help the fatty survivor. He's good as dead, seeing how killy you've proven.

You're pretty licked up too. You're going to finish the fat bastich, that's a given. The rest of them, well.

[TOADY]
>-6 HP, -6Dur
>16/22HP, 9Dur

[CHOICE]

Toady will take a Helff Swigg before his next scrap, if it happens.

The upcoming Orcs are older than the first lot.

They will 1v1 Toady, but will be armored.

Say sumn Toady.

>"WHO ELSE WANTS SUM." (take on moar challengers, tuffyer, 1v1)

OR

>"Nyerr, veyy starded it..." (Finish the fatty and youre done. Faggot.)

OR

>"I SMELL KUCKS IN HERE." (WAAARGH)

[STRAT]

>SUICIDEY
>Defensive
>Offensive

[R O L L]

>8D100:
>2d vs last of the VictimClub
>6d for the next three rounds

>>6128550
>>6128540
>>6128536
>>6128480
>>6128466

40hrs.

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Rolled 2, 2, 1, 2 = 7 (4d2)

note on WAAAGH:

1D2 +1 Orcs will face you per matchup, but the Goblin mobb will chip in.

QM rollan current Heroic LM gains for TSCP III; 2 LM per upgrade point

gained 2% Dodge and 1% Hit from your fresh kills.

Balance 0.5% Hit gain is recorded, just not effected.

Rolled 39, 76, 49, 80, 55, 81, 29, 54 = 463 (8d100)

>>6129036
>"WHO ELSE WANTS SUM." (take on moar challengers, tuffyer, 1v1)
>Offensive

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ADD NOTE:

EVERYBODY ROLLS FROM NOW ON

Also see >>6129041 for WAAAGH option

Rolled 48, 15, 40, 70, 83, 85, 8, 6 = 355 (8d100)

>>6129036
>"WHO ELSE WANTS SUM." (take on moar challengers, tuffyer, 1v1)

Rolled 52, 42, 50, 94, 59, 1, 5, 99 = 402 (8d100)

>>6129036
>"WHO ELSE WANTS SUM." (take on moar challengers, tuffyer, 1v1)
>Defensive

Rolled 13, 12, 79, 12, 91, 51, 59, 40 = 357 (8d100)

>>6129036
>"WHO ELSE WANTS SUM." (take on moar challengers, tuffyer, 1v1)
>Offensive
>Deys see me rollin', dey 'atin...

Rolled 7, 92, 4, 42, 94, 96, 31, 15 = 381 (8d100)

>>6129036
>"I SMELL KUCKS IN HERE." (WAAARGH)
>Offensive

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Rolled 70, 36, 34, 78, 8, 25, 61, 53 = 365 (8d100)

BoA

Vs Victim3: 52, 92

Vs Challenger1: 79, 94 || 96, 85 || 59, 99

>"WHO ELSE WANTS SUM."
>Offensive

Rollan Victim3 and Challenger 1

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Rolled 100, 67, 76, 42, 29, 13 = 327 (6d100)

"C'mon Tubbo. Yer buttbuddies rr waitn."

"WAAAAAH" He bello s alone. No one's joining. He squeaks a little at the end, lal.

In spite of his shout he's keeping his basher across and ahead; tryna keep YOU out.

Nope.

>Toady 92+11 vs Victim3 70
>HIT
>3/32HP

>Victim3 36 vs Toady 52+4
>WIFF

You don't try to open his gut, he's got so much of it you might not get all the way through.

Since he's so nice to offer you his kludge basher, you accept: the Carrionpede slithers up the haft and long wound begins from the backs of his hands up his arms, a short renovation of the face, and as he flails trying to smack you, a slashy cascade down his back, taking out sinews at the side of the waist, the backs of the knees.

You're reset and ready for anuvva combo, finish him orf, when a full-sized longchoppa comes in from the sidelines, into his shoulders.

Fatty's on his knees. His last moments.

Two moar matter-of-fact chops splits his head open.

Your challenger has armor and helmet on, anna longchoppa.

"Mm cuttn queue."

"Yer funnerlal."

>>6129438
of course it wasnt enough we got a 1 already...

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Rolled 49, 94 = 143 (2d100)

>24+10+10HP for dat 100
>12Dmg
>Aggressive
>Kludge Armor 10Dur, 3 rounded up per Dur

This one's fatty too, except it'z all meats. All his kit is kludge, meaning he hasn't been raiding; if he's still grown this big, means he's big on green meat.

You can respect that. Green meat is the only kind YOU know of wot fights all the way down.

The Orky idee of defense is mostly big shoulder plates with spikes on and a helmet, because ideally a Orc should always be charging face first.

The Orky charge scares most Weak Races into attacking the part of the Orc that's coming at them first and fastest: the face and shoulders.

Youre not scared as such, of course. It'z just that he's four times your body weight with armor on. Just him falling on you might be a problem.

Fuggit: KILLYKILLY SARIACHI

>Toady 94+11 Vs Challenger1 42
>HIT
>-6Dur -5HP from normal weapons
>-4Dur -2HP from Vorpal
>0Dur, 37HP

You don't immediately cut meat, and when you do it's short and shallow: his armor soaks the worst of what you give out. You're still not strong as you'd like to be.

You shock him plenty though: between yer l337 Carrionpede Skillz and Daggy bullying classical mechanical physics, his kludge armor gets chipped off him so fast he's stripped like boiled prawn, peeled right down to meat in one pull.

His startled look settles into a snarl. Maybe the beginnings of fear.

It takes you one beat exactly to skid and reset from your raver rush; he uses it to catch up, the axx golfing in at your back, brushing sparks from the stoney ground.

>Challenger1 76 vs Toady 79+4
>WIFF

NOPE.

And you're back at him, showing him how it's done: double instep, double kneecap, two the thigh, two the side, one armpit!

At least, that's what you meant to do. What you actually did was step in a glop of the dead fatso's brains and slow down just enough to get YOU goalkicked. No real damage since he caught you in the chest, the full impact of the kick is wasted by your scrawny body getting lifted off, but your combo's cancelled and you land on your head, grogged.

>Toady Crit Fail attack 1
>Two turns 1xDef Only

He stomps in after you, his snarl beginning to curl into a sneer.

>Challenger1 29 vs Toady 85+4-20
>STILL WIFF

File: 1000092526.jpg (156 KB, 1024x1024)

156 KB JPG

Rolled 4, 3, 6, 3, 7, 6, 3, 3, 2, 1, 3, 6, 5, 5, 5, 6, 1, 7, 8, 5, 8, 1, 7, 4, 8 = 117 (25d8)

He notices that you've slowed, doesn't waste strength roaring, just charges. You can still skuttle.

>fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

You do your best, using the slight improvement to your lateral speed to make things just a little harder for him. It's not enough: the longchoppa comes down, splitting a shoulderplate and taking part of your underrigging with it. Your back feels a little bare too.

The Orc openly smirks at you, smacking the wrenched bits of your Quality Kludge still stuck on his blade.

>Challenger1 94 vs Toady 59+4
>OOF
>-3Dur -3HP
>Toady 6Dur 17HP

[R O L L]
>10D100
>everyone

>QM rollan how many Orcs still want a piece of you.
>The number of D8 it takes to hit a 1.

File: 1000092473.jpg (184 KB, 1024x1024)

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10 Lads think they can take you.

Do your best gretchin. Or your worst.

Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>6129486
help

Rolled 81, 93, 84, 100, 26, 56, 11, 39, 4, 13 = 507 (10d100)

>>6129486
Nyerr, is this guy the boss?

File: 1000091789.jpg (260 KB, 1024x1024)

260 KB JPG

>>6129503
10d100 Bobo.

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>6129486

Rolled 23, 90, 90, 9, 91, 77, 49, 5, 44 = 478 (9d100)

>>6129486
>>6129513 (You)
Whoops misread what to roll so here are the other 9

Rolled 73, 18, 45, 3, 14, 23, 77, 76, 16 = 345 (9d100)

>>6129512
whoops (damn how many dice will you let us roll next)

Rolled 64, 43, 64, 48, 62, 1, 77, 40, 98, 49 = 546 (10d100)

>>6129486
Wer still standin'
We should probably get some tricks up our sleeves for future fights. Playing it straight is honorable and all, but we're in it to win it, and we're a gibbo. Smoke/flash bombs, chain-hooks/claws, razor wires, caltrops, and the like. With the way we climb all over our victims, spikes on our footwear or bladed gloves would go a long way, too

>>6129511
>iz dat guy da Boss
not even. Just a Solja.

QM headcanon counts any Greenoid that survives 10years the VictimsClub and up Challenger1 as Heroic LM.

File: Gobby kludge n krafts.jpg (247 KB, 1024x1024)

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>>6129519
noted

Rolled 90, 6, 58, 58 = 212 (4d100)

BoA 92, 93 || 90, 90 (nat100 nullifies later nat1) || 62, 91 || 77, 77 || 98, 49

Rollan Challenger1 x2 turns Aggressive

File: 1000092518.jpg (196 KB, 1024x1024)

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Rolled 2, 1 = 3 (2d2)

His smirk doesn't have time to settle, because your vision's cleared up, and he's standing still.

You close again, this time doing a full chain low raver, making him buckle from both knees getting chopped so hard they caved inwards. He tries to swing the choppa, left, right, no good: you core into his chest and out the back in a burst of red.

He's fully killt.

>Toady HIT HIT
>WIFFx2
>ChallengerLOL -21HP

|]LM SCORECARD[|
>1d2 LM from Victim3
>1d2+1 LM from Challenger1

File: 1000092529.jpg (217 KB, 1024x1024)

217 KB JPG

Rolled 1, 96, 18, 61, 11 = 187 (5d100)

A few beats of impressed silence while you take a Swigg, then the next Lad jumps in with a shout, two shorty bighead choppas.

[TOADY]
>21HP, 6Dur
>Bonuses: +4% Dodge, +13% Hit, 29Dmg total.

QM rollan
>1÷12+26 = HP
>2÷12+5 = Dmg
>3÷10+4 = Dur
>4,5 = Offensive

Rolled 2 (1d2)

Challenger2
>27HP, 13Dmg
>6Dur

You meet him with a partial air raver just as he lands; he swings clumsily, stumbles a little, you just scuttleclimb across his back out of his reach like a tick, chopping his armor orf.

It's sparser than the ovva dood'z, like he spent all his time trading and kludging for his shorty choppaz so there's not much left for armor.

>Toady 91+13 vs C2 61
>HIT
>C2 0Dur 4HP.

>C2 11 vs Toady 62+4
>WIFF

You ready for another run at him, but he throws down his two axes to a wave of boos. He takes the humiliation with a stiff face.

He wasn't born the strongest, but like YOU he had some brainz.

>additional 1d2+1 gained
>QM takes a break.

File: 1000092528.jpg (223 KB, 1024x1024)

223 KB JPG

Rolled 86, 65, 28, 10, 41, 12, 88 = 330 (7d100)

3d for orcgen
4d for two turns
Aggressive

File: 1000092468.jpg (230 KB, 1024x1024)

230 KB JPG

Rolled 1 + 1 (1d2 + 1)

C3) : 33HP 10Dmg 7Dur

They still wants sum, you can almost hear the cope leaking out their heads:

>a gretchin's still just a gretchin
>they wuz sloppy, ain't got what it takes
>DIIIIS izza noiff
>yer all yet to see how a REEL UORC goes krumpen

You would have coped the same, in their shoes. But having the Carrionpede and gibbing them so many in a row's shewd YOU sumn you've never seen before: alone in a row, faced one on one, griggers ain't shit.

It's just that when you mobb up against the Fighties and won it felt like you all won, individually.

Now YOU realize it wuz juzt because you wuz in a mobb, bumrushing a Fighty as a mob, who often as not underestimated your schnozz and mobb cohesion.

You miss having a mobb now. Sure you're almost killyyer than your old mobb put together, but it's not the same. And wiv your knobby end the way it iz, you carnt even make your own mobb. All that will come out of it is Dimmies. You suddenly feel real alone.

Although that's not going to stop you from shredding dat grigger wots coming at yer bellowing YERRR MUVVAAAA.

You get into Stance. You can philosophize and be bigsad later, on a pile of their corpses.

"Come."

>Toady 77+13 vs C3) 10
>HIT
>-7Dur -20HP
>C3) 13HP

>C3) 41 vs Toady 77+4
>WIFF

You're getting faster, surer in jabbing joints and tendies and meatstrings; the new riddle-rhymes just float up in your mind as free associations, naturally drawn to the established framework of the ones you already know.

Like trees growing out the ends of trees.

Like a Carrionpede, a thousand out of one.

Suddenly you don't even see the grigger in front of you.

You see red.

Physically you're in his body cavity physically, but where YOU are truly YOU, in your mind, you are in the Carrionpede.

You emerge from the red flood with his spine in your mouth, the remains of his head hanging off it.

He did give you a solid chop to the middle before you got him.

You barely feel it.

"Moar."

>Toady 98+13 vs C3) 12
>HIT
>GIBBT -16HP

>C3) 88 vs Toady 49+4
>OOF
>-2Dur -2HP
>Toady 4Dur, 19HP
>[HELFF SWIGGA] 4/6

[R O L L]
>CARNT TAP OUT YET

>12D100
>EVERWUN

>>6129519
>>6129518
>>6129516
>>6129511

14hrs

QM rollan HLM gains

Rolled 65, 32, 88, 92, 28, 8, 61, 60, 22, 20, 29, 74 = 579 (12d100)

>>6129615
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9-gSJW3sHXE

Rolled 41, 62, 10, 5, 95, 97, 6, 52, 25, 1, 1, 20 = 415 (12d100)

>>6129615
12 it is

>>6129618
back to back 1 is also a new record

Rolled 19, 66, 47, 20, 3, 16, 83, 28, 32, 12, 68, 53 = 447 (12d100)

>>6129615
Red wunz go fastah!

>>6129620
Can't be helped when you are throwing literall handfuls of dice at a time.

Rolled 49, 71, 7, 27, 36, 57, 86, 37, 65, 80, 37, 48 = 600 (12d100)

>>6129615

Where's da Bosser?

>>6129620
oof

>>6129771
when the dust settles here I'll roll for which part of the orc territory you're in. Va Boss will have Underbosses in all the important neighborhoods through whom you can try to gain access. The unforeseen downside of riding in Like A Boss is not being able to chart your own route to the actual Boss.

Rolled 7, 21, 8, 14, 37, 67, 52 = 206 (7d100)

Toady BoA 65, 71 || 88, 92 || 95, 97 || 86, 60 || 65, 80 (w Nat1) || 68, 74 (w Nat1)

QM rollan orcgen

Rolled 100, 53, 71, 44, 66, 36, 6 = 376 (7d100)

C5

Rolled 51, 6, 16, 17, 18, 89, 42 = 239 (7d100)

C6

>>6130040
may i file a complaint for you rolling 100 every time and only we roll the 1's?
actually how tho

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Rolled 2, 1 + 1 = 4 (2d2 + 1)

The next one is just unlucky, getting shoved out of the ring of spectators just as your eyes land on him.

You give him two beats, enough time for him to grab the axx out of his bellybund.

}}UNLUKKY{{
HP 26
Dmg 7
Dur 5

>Toady 71+16 vs Unlukky 14
>HIT
>Unlucky 0Dur 2HP

>Unlukky 37 vs Toady 65+4
>UNLUKKY

His armor is really just wood and rope, like what YOU started with. He's totally unprepared: his one WIFF with the short heavy-hedd axx passes into your zone then out of it, catching nothing. You shredd him, starting with the fingers clutching the axx, then the exposed tricep, then both shoulders.

He's done.

Then the grigger wot shoved him out from the back jumps in, biggy spiked clubb wooshing to smoosh you.

You kick off from Unlukky, so he eats it instead, a weighted cracky Krunch to the back of the head.

His clubb is barely dragged out of the pulpy splorty red mess when you round on him for stealing YOUr kill.

}}KUNNEN BRUTALLY{{
33+10HP, 9Dmg, 11Dur

>Toady 92+16 vs KUNNEN B. 44
>HIT
>-11Dur, -8HP
>K.B. 35HP

>K.B. 66 vs Toady 88+4
>KEK

Problem with bashers in it'z either top down, diagonal, or side swings; no thrust, so that's where YOUre going.

To his credit he does kind of spot it, does an inward swing that brings the clubb across his body; the swing WIFFS, your stabbitystabbs parting the suspender riggings of his Kludge Armor so that it slides down to his thighs. On a smaller Orc the damage you have done just chewing through his armor might have given a little pause; Kunnen Brutally's born fikky, both his meats n his skull. Might have been twins wiv one of the VictimClub schmucks.

>Toady 97+16 vs K.B. 52
>HIT
>KB 6HP

>KB 67 vs Toady 95+4
>NOOB

You do him again, ducking his pommel-bash and side-swinging followup, then full killy riser from the ground, chewing through the wood haft of his basher that's again in a cross-body guard, two stabs in the chest for grip then you're inniz FAICE. He manages to get one bracered arm up in time to cover his eyes, but you take an ear and both cheeks anyway, then skin and rip his scalp, tattering his back on the way down.

You're reset to rush again when you see him just standing there, looking at his broken basher, touching the top of his head. His hand comes from there away bloodier than it had been at his face. You meet his bewildered eyes and show him his scalp. Then shove it into yer tuckeroos, by now bristling with several pube toupees.

He drops the handle of the basher, steps out of what's left of his armor, doesn't pick up anything to replace them.

The boos still come, but they're softer now.

Progress.

>QM rollan HLM gained

File: 1000092556.jpg (218 KB, 1024x1024)

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Rolled 2 + 1 (1d2 + 1)

>>6130061
lol. Just be thankful it wasn't an armorgen or combat roll. That will actually hurt.

Some still haven't caught on, of course. Now that there's ten bodies growing cold on the ground the Stuffs that will go to the last Greenoid standing is significant. Meat for several days of gluttony, a full body Quality Kludge, a selection of bashaz n choppaz.

The one wot steps up next looks like he's made his decision fru serious maffs: kill one uppity gretchin, get a big heap Stuffs.

Dangerous thing, maffs.

}}KALKULUS{{
29HP, 6Dmg, 7Dur

>Toady 86+18 vs KALKULUS 17
>HIT
>KALKULUS 0Dur 20HP

As you close in he starts swinging a chain-boll onna stikk. It durnt even have spikes onnit.

>KALKULUS 18 vs Toady 60+4
>√(-x)•(-y) = √-x • √-y
>Q.E.KEK

He stumbles away from you, armor wrecked, body gashed. Not fatal, yet, but can he write it orf? Eyes on the prize, roit? YOUr armor's pretty bashed too; all he needs is annuvva go, get proppa stuck in, land a lick or two wiv hiz boll. He's 'ard enuff roit?

He actually gumbs the chain of his weapons tryna finkk.

Fuggen Nyerrd.

"Gotz yer majjinarreh numbah roit here grigger: va buffae's still OUPAN!"

>Toady 80+16 vs KALKULUS 42
>HIT+GIBBT
>KALKULUS -9HP

Him twirling the chain-boll around doesn't help him: he wastes energy twirling it, keeping it from hitting the ground and losing speed, and it's still too slow to catch you breaking into his Zone.

You stab roit inna his tackle, making everyone in the crowd close their legs and make the same face, like they're all straw-slurping sherbert supersours.

Then it's over: you've hupped as he dropped, stabbing your way up to his froat and opening it. He carnt decide which wound to clap his hands on, keeps bleeding out.

So he yoinks out a biggy shiv and RAMS it in your side.

>KALKULUS 89 vs Toady 65+4
>HIT
>-1Dur -1HP
>Toady 3Dur 18HP
>NAT1!

It's not at all painful, for the size of his shiv. You are bleeding an orful lot though.

>nyerr
>'zat bludd?
>aah, no!
>muh gluggz!!

>[HELFF SWIGGA] BROKEN!

He stabbed right into it near the bottom, spilling nearly all of it. You suck and slurp and lick up what you can from the broken oil can and the floor.

The crowd's fuggen laffing at yer.

"Lookiddim! Git's lost it LARMAO! 'E'S tryna sukk hisself! "

"Oy Gaeboi! I gotz yer Prime Lunchlies roid ere!"

You give them a double-barrelled finger, finishing getting the last drops.

They're not done with you yet, and now your fallback's gone.

>Might be bad, nyerr

>Toady 3Dur 22HP

>QM rollan 1d2+1 HLP

Rolled 14, 30, 28, 43, 72 = 187 (5d100)

C7

>>6130108
Crap, that last trick was smart

File: 1000092590.jpg (206 KB, 1024x1024)

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Rolled 1 + 1 (1d2 + 1)

You toss the wrecked Swigga sniff and face the next grigger.

The only thing special about him is his wishful thinking.

}}JANN RIKK{{
26HP 8Dmg 7Dur

As you've killed these oiks https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/oik you've been getting steadily more accurate, weaving through cross-body guards like an eel and following flinch retreats like a shadow; now you're getting killyyer, intuiting how to lean your weight just by feeling how the meat parts on the blade.

Yer gittn gudd

>Toady melee Dmg total now 24 +6 Vorpal

For a change of pace he's the one that charges you. Thompthompthompthomp in a straight line.

Still too slow; you close too, zigzagging for him.

The Carrionpede's nonstop flowy slither is hard to track; he slows down tryna aim, stabs down with the fathead spear he's using, and you climb up it n geddim

>Toady 74+18 vs JANN RIKK 43
>HIT
>JANN RIKK 0Dur 3HP

He's swatting at you with one hand, getting it tattered, not quite managing to connect.

You get to finish your combo and reset -

You're hanging off him, suspended in the air.

Yer stabbstikk's jammed in weird, got caught on bone or armor or sumn.

>err
>uhoh

His fists finally connects in your side, sending you sprawling; the fatty spear comes down after that, chopping into your back.

>JANN RIKK 72 vs Toady 68+4
>CLOSE
>but NAT1!!
>-2Dur, -2HP, and - Stabbstikk: dmg -5 for next fight
>Toady 2Dur 20HP

When you get back up again the faggot's run orf wiv your Stabbstikk still in him.

You might pick up a shorty slasher or a broke axx hedd or sumn orf the floor to replace it, but they're not letting you.

You're flagging, and they finna get lucky.

>QM rollan 1d2+1 HLM

[LAST PUSH]
>BACK TO BACK NAT1s
>YOU DONT *GET* TO TAP OUT

>roll 12D100
>EVERWUN

>>6129771
>>6129655
>>6129618
>>6129616

Rolled 44, 71, 32, 32, 30, 43, 69, 20, 70, 39, 77, 7 = 534 (12d100)

>>6130137

>>6130137

Scuttle.

Rolled 76, 72, 64, 49, 50, 46, 23, 40, 9, 55, 72, 82 = 638 (12d100)

>>6130235

Rolled 77, 30, 68, 77, 45, 46, 39, 51, 86, 7, 79, 24 = 629 (12d100)

>>6130137
dont fuck me again damn dice...

Rolled 49, 92, 63, 11, 58, 57, 98, 84, 24, 45, 10, 50 = 641 (12d100)

>>6130137

Rolled 39, 97, 73, 72, 89, 12, 62, 39, 68, 37, 61, 21 = 670 (12d100)

>>6130137
At least they're still coming in one at a time. Maybe we could try pinching a weapon out of their hands as replacement when we next get grabby with someone?

File: 1000092585.jpg (157 KB, 1024x1024)

157 KB JPG

Rolled 3, 87, 48, 36, 37, 22, 64 = 297 (7d100)

Toady BoA
77, 97 || 73, 77 || 89, 57 || 98, 84 || 86, 55 || 79, 82

QM Orcgen

Rolled 5, 12, 79, 70, 1, 74, 96, 58, 88, 97, 16, 38 = 634 (12d100)

>>6130137
Wasn't the last 100 supposed ter cancel out the next 1 or summin?

File: 1000092580.jpg (189 KB, 1024x1024)

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Rolled 1 + 1 (1d2 + 1)

}}ORK CHOP{{
25HP, 13Dmg, 10Dur

>Toady 97 + 18 vs ORK CHOP 36
>HIT
>-10Dur, -8HP
>ORK CHOP 17HP

Are you really flagging, or is this 'un moar Orky? His armor feelz fikker, with chainmail in the joints and collar. Took a bit of cutting.

The axx is biggy too: double winged head forged whole, like it was made, fixed on a kludge handle.

>ORK CHOP 37 vs Toady 77+2
>NUFFIN

Mebbe it'z just you.

>Toady 77+18 vs ORK CHOP 22
>GIBBT
>ORK CHOP -8HP

>ORK CHOP 64 vs Toady 73+2
>0000

Instead of really going for him you start by meeting his choppy swings wiv Daggy, not quite parrying, just sticking onto his axxhaft with Daggy's edge, pullpushpull, guiding and controlling.

He doesn't like it, carnt work his way out of your weapon-trapping, just yanks real hard backwards; you harden you trap - pull - flying towards his face.

The axx snapps in the handle where Daggy worked it, flying off and maiming somebody; YOU start stabbing and gouging out of his chest and the arm covering his face.

He throws the kludge haft, grabs a backup axx hanging off his side. You see it incoming. Perfect.

You kick off his chest and gash up the incoming hand with the smol axx in a burst of gore.

He sinks to his knees from trauma, just just watches dumbfounded while you pry his fingies orf and test out yer new choppy, splitting his skull.

>nart bedd
>gots sharp n heft
>works fer narr

"BEKK IN BIZNIZ BEYBEH!!"

>Toady back to 31Dmg
>QM rollan HLM

>>6130669
The last BoA Nat100 had a Nat1 in the same series of rolls @ >6129519

Remaining Toady BoA refreshed:
89, 57 (w Nat1)(lol) || 98, 84 || 88, 97 || 79, 82

File: 1000092641.jpg (152 KB, 1024x1024)

152 KB JPG

Rolled 44, 77, 16, 46, 18, 96, 62 = 359 (7d100)

C9

File: Bild_2024-10-28_041356747.png (120 KB, 430x321)

120 KB PNG

>>6130669
>another 1

File: 1000092600.jpg (195 KB, 1024x1024)

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Rolled 62, 45, 16, 30 = 153 (4d100)

}}HAGHAT PAYST EETA{{
29HP 13Dmg 6Dur

>Toady 89+18 vs HAGRAT 18
>oh noes NAT1!
>Half %hit and half Dmg 2 turns
>STILL HIT
>-6Dur, -7HP
>HAGHAT 0Dur 22HP

The bludd wots been gushing and splorting from your handiwork's helpful: it keeps you coolish, cakes as it dries on your hands so it helps you grip, and if you feel hungry or thirsty between combo-rushes you just lick it off yerself. The Weak Races get squeamish around bludd. YOU don't see what the fuss is.

Of course, it also works for the uvva guy.

For instance, him using the big gashes you've opened up in his arms to splatt his bludd at yer, and the clotty spray goes right in both yer eyes.

You duck like mad, dodging him as he comes in, tryna get your eyes cleared.

Derrs fuggen skabbz innere.

>HAGHAT 46 vs 57+2
>WIFF

>Toady (98+18)÷2 vs HAGHAT 62
>WIFF

You both miss, flailing around in the gore.

Just as YOUr eyes clear, he puts on a burst of speed and leaps, roaring.

You do your best to scuttle for distance, doing quite well in your opinion, but then he snaps his longy weapon out in midair, extending his reach.

The falling chop flattens you into the gore muck ground, and the follow-up when he lands lifts you off it.

The ruins of your Quality Kludge gets hooked on his chopaxx' backspike and torn off as you are flung.

>HAGHAT 96 vs Toady 84+2
>OOF
>-3Dur -4HP
>Toady 18HP

>rollan two moar turns for HAGHAT

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Rolled 1 + 1 (1d2 + 1)

>Toady 97+18 vs HAGHAT 45
>GIBBT
>HAGHAT -10HP

But you swing, hook, snag your beat-to-shit armor, still in mid-air, and haul yourself right back at him like a bladed yoyo.

>HAGHAT 62 vs 88+2
>WIFF

He's not prepared; on reflex he punches with a fist laden with ringnuts, which you use to reach his shoulders, sweeping up and twisting a fully chock of his flea-swarmed hair.

But you're not after scalps anymore.

He's still alive and watching when you plant Daggy down and start to SAWR.

>QM HLM

File: 1000092640.jpg (162 KB, 1024x1024)

162 KB JPG

Rolled 25, 88, 32, 98, 67, 35, 23 = 368 (7d100)

C10!

File: 1000092592.jpg (195 KB, 1024x1024)

195 KB JPG

Rolled 64, 67, 87, 82, 33, 48 = 381 (6d100)

}}MAKURULL{{
28HP, 16Dmg, 8Dur

Okay, this one's definitely Orky. You get a feeling that it's the oldest of the whole lot you've fought by something like 2 Suns solar circuits; years, in this context: it's got roar-creases between the chop scars on its mug, the armor has moar recognizably armor-y parts on, and dat axx. A single-bladed guillotine on a whole iron haft.

You don't get kit like that without being on several biggy successful raids. It just so happens this one is among the runtyyer of its peers; several of the ones that are dressed like it and watching are fattyyer, with more built-up armor.

>Toady 82+18 vs 67
>HIT 33Dmg
>-8Dur -21HP
>MAKURULL 7HP

He holds the guillotine axe at his waist with the head behind him. Doesn't charge.

He wants you to do it. When you get in his Zone, he'll be tryna swing that at you.

>Foin.

You zigzag rush, closing with wide rings of movement.

He doesn't move, just his eyes on you.

>too SLOW!!

You're in! His armor's nothing against Daggy: two punch-gouges wiv Daggy and a paired slice-pry wiv Noiffy n Axxy and his whole front is ripped trash. Your blades run wild, opening bare meat.

Then the pommel of the guillotine axx rams you square inva chest, and while you're still falling, his grip swaps into an over-shoulder lever, and he brings the great blade down on you.

It punches through your desperate cross-block, cutting deep; doesn't split you in half, but the sheer weight goes right through you.

Dis grigger's seen how you fight, figgered he he got two rounds to put you down; he ate everything you dished out on purpose, just so's he can land a full TCHOPP.

>QM rollan 1 turn for Toady

File: 1000092657.jpg (165 KB, 1024x1024)

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Rolled 1 + 1 (1d2 + 1)

>TCHOKK
>-16HP
>OOOOF
>Toady 2HP

Dat TCHOPP almost finished you. He'll regret that it didn't.

He tries to stomp onnit, to wedge it deeper; the slight lapse before his foot lands on the back of the blade you push hard on it, cutting your palms and feet.

You make it out with inches to spare; he has to hold back his stomp a little or lose balance, now that his biggaxx is skewed.

You're already flying up under his lifted stomp, and triple-buzzsaw through his body starting wiv hiz voonerables.

>Toady 87+18 vs MAKKURRULL 33
>GIBBTTT
>DAT TRIKKSY GRIGGER BASTICH -26HP

>DEDD 48 vs Toady 82+2
>FANKS FER PLAYAN

He has just one beat to scream while you thrash through his gutts, then Daggy punches through his heart and out his lower throat, then, nimbly reverse-gripping, into his face.

The body topples backwards. YOU glop out of it, blowing blood and snot out your nose.

You're just about fukt, your kit is rekt. You don't want any more.

Lucky for you, neither do the Orcs.

The local pecking order has been established, with YOU at the top.

The ecstatic Gobbos start to crowd into the fighting ground, yayying and clapping. Some of them have already started to tear bits orf the dedders to eat, watching YOU with half an eye.

If you're going to say shit, say it.

[SPEAK]
CHOICE ONE
Pick One:

>"Handz orf, Titchy. Unless yez wantz ta join va pile."
>Be stand offish, keep everything for yourself. You won it.

OR

>"EAT UP, MAGGITZ. BUT VA HAAT N LIVVAH BELONGZ TER ME!"
>Win the crowd, get information.

CHOICE TWO
Again, pick one:
>"A Bosser should have sum henches."
>Lose most of the Kludge material looted
>1d4+1 armored Gobbos of about 6 years old join YOU as Droogz; twice your natural capability.
>You have to go back to Seafood on foot in order to bring them with you; additional seven Days Off will be used for this.
>If you {POPUP} from here, you will most likely lose your Droogz.

>"Sodd orf ye cuntz."
>keep all the kludge
>no assistance with directions

CHOICE THREE

>SECRECY Y/N
>Y means you only loot what you can carry handily and you spend the night in a pit under Wagon, away from eyes.
>N means you bring out Pouchy and start cramming 15 dedd Orcs and their effects in what seems a fancyfancy Bag of Holding in front of witnesses, and sleep in the open.
>both should have consequences.

>>6130669
>>6130690
>>6130290
>>6130284
>>6130236
>>6130186

36hrs

[R O L L]
>1D1000
>coming out all Bosser has gotten some... notice

QM will be rollan Bo3 D1000 against YOU

>>6130748
Anons will be rollan BoA vs QM Bo3

>>6130746
>"EAT UP, MAGGITZ. BUT VA HAAT N LIVVAH BELONGZ TER ME!"
>"A Bosser should have sum henches."
>SECRECY N

Rolled 191 (1d1000)

>>6130746
>>6130763
Forgot the roll

Rolled 420 (1d1000)

>>6130746
>"EAT UP, MAGGITZ. BUT VA HAAT N LIVVAH BELONGZ TER ME!"
>"A Bosser should have sum henches."
>Y

>>6130791
I got the funny number
Toady getting stoned soon

Rolled 862 (1d1000)

>>6130746
>>"EAT UP, MAGGITZ. BUT VA HAAT N LIVVAH BELONGZ TER ME!"
>>Win the crowd, get information.

>"A Bosser should have sum henches."
>Lose most of the Kludge material looted
>1d4+1 armored Gobbos of about 6 years old join YOU as Droogz; twice your natural capability.
>You have to go back to Seafood on foot in order to bring them with you; additional seven Days Off will be used for this.
>If you {POPUP} from here, you will most likely lose your Droogz.

>Y means you only loot what you can carry handily and you spend the night in a pit under Wagon, away from eyes.

Rolled 112 (1d1000)

>>6130746
>"EAT UP, MAGGITZ. BUT VA HAAT N LIVVAH BELONGZ TER ME!"
>"A Bosser should have sum henches."
>Y

>>6130746
>"EAT UP, MAGGITZ. BUT VA HAAT N LIVVAH BELONGZ TER ME!"
>"Sodd orf ye cuntz."
>Y
I don't really want to become a gang leader; a kungfu master is strongest when alone.
I have half a mind to just gather information, stuff all the loot in the bag, then pop off somewhere to consolidate. As it is, we should join a big raid as soon as we recover so we can restock on STUFFS and kludge gear.

Rolled 506 (1d1000)

>>6130894
Forgot roll

Rolled 593, 811, 905 = 2309 (3d1000)

rollan SUS

File: 1000092715.jpg (180 KB, 1024x1024)

180 KB JPG

Rolled 2 + 1 (1d4 + 1)

rollan Droogz

File: 1000092754.jpg (297 KB, 1024x1024)

297 KB JPG

Rolled 3, 9, 12, 12, 7, 8, 8, 7, 8, 8, 7, 8, 10, 2, 1 + 30 = 140 (15d12 + 30)

~~FILLER POST~~

Out of the whole lot of likely lads you pick three musky turds to hench for you: DirtyNuggz, Uptush, and Pork Hos.

They're all older than YOU, just a few years short of filling out full Orky; living this long means they're a good mix of kunnen n brütey.

On your order they pick out the hearts and livers from the dedders, and collect most of the dropped kludgeware out of the thieving hands of the smaller Gobbz.

You let them have dibbz on the uvva nice bits: kidneys, eyes, brains, hands. They'll need it to grow up bully n killy.

Your next order is for them to make you a new suit of Quality Kludge Armor out of all the dropped bits, and same for themselves. They get to keep half of the unused balance Stuffs split between them, but YOUr Quality Kludge Armor better be the qualitest.

Pork Hos, the meatiest, you tell to make dinner: helmet stoo, being meatz n bitz boiled with bludd in a helmet unwashed hung over a fire until it's a curdy soup. With all the helmets on hand he makes six servings at once.

You laze about watching them work, binding your open wounds with the dedders' tuckeroos; you talk to your new Droogz, working out the local chatty from common Gobby base-concepts.

When Pork Hos is done making dinner, you send him to dig a hole half as tall as he is, one and half long and wide as he is.

He gets to it with a scowl, but fugg 'em: digging's easier than kludging good armor. He's just salty he didn't get off cheap from just making dinner like he thought.

Over dinner, to the sound of Pork Hos grunting n digging, you get to asking how the Orc settlement(s) is arranged, the important places and Bossers.

There's a few Big Hats to watch for:

Kuggbal Tortu, OverBoss Chief they look uncomfortable; Dulugtangor, Shaman-Chief; Kurruk n Kertuk, Wolf Masturz and Rider Chiefs; Boog, Orbagai, Xag Xag, Piggbolg, Warlords.

And Jinx Finx, a weirdo. He was part of the horde as early as they can remember, and they've heard that he used to lead the Skulkers out on forays. The weird is, he's not around often, doesn't bring Stuffs to the OverBoss when he does show up, yet Kuggbal hasn't ordered him made into an interesting shape.

Word is Jinx Finx has a special knack of entering deep into the lands of the Weak Races and coming out again without raising SUS, bringing information for the Bigg Plan.

No one knows what the Bigg Plan is, very shush-shush Pork Hos just finished the diggy hole, starts cooking a new glop of helmet stoo because someone (YOU) ate his share, so mostly they just fight n tuff-up n kludge-up waiting for Da Word.

You drag your half of the leftover meat n kludge Stuffs into the hole with you, then park Wagon plonk over the top, closing it off.

It's going to be stuffy for tonight, but at least no one sees Pouchy or hears you Ceremonying.

You have a big day tomorrow.

>QM rollan Stuffs

Rolled 5, 2 = 7 (2d12)

rollan new Quality KA

too pathetic; QM ups QKA to 9/9

>>6131352
>>6131353
Nyerr, suggestion boss!
They're making QKA for the entire group. We're taking the best one.
Roll multiple sets and give us the best result. Randomly assign the rest to the other droogs.

>>6131695
But we're smaller than them. aint weez?

>>6131695
QKA is personally fitted, in QM's brain.

if you care to spend more Stuffs for a new set, I'll reroll.

Rolled 3, 6, 3, 2 = 14 (4d6)

>>6131695
nvm, I'll reroll a new set and just deduct Stuff.

rerollan QKA

btw
how can we get better armor?

>>6131771
QKA is the best Greenoids can do; YOUre already very enviable in goblin terms.

You need smiffs from the Weak Races to get 4+ armor and above (QKA is 3+). If you can find evil or very mercenary smiffs, they won't out YOU for being a goblin when they try to fit you.

Being a goblin sucks.

>>6131783
Who needs THAT nonsense when you can kill a wrigger (weak race igger) wearing magic armor? Magic armor resizes to fit the wearer, nyerr!
But hey, who needs THAT nonsense when eventually shifu will teach us the Iron Body technique that makes flesh harder than any metal mundane or supernal!

>>6131785
the big crease is here.

Yes, an option.

Someone like that is most likely royalty or Fighty, surrounded by tuffy troops or Fighty frens.

YOU'll need to hunt.


@Everwun else:
QM on errands. Will try to writan in a couple hrs

>>6131785
>iron body
not an option, since Anons picked the glass-cannon build Carrionpede.

QM unironically notes your concern.

>>6131791
>Not an option
Bullspit, every good cultivator masters, especially a Body Cultivator, more than one martial art and Physical Cultivation Technique!

>>6131792
option 2: we get our hands on many health pots or good healing/resistance items
option 3: just dont get hit lawl

>>6131792
yes yes, you'll get something, whiney git.

Won't be as good as something like Iron Body; something that gudd is for the Oni build: lots tankyyer but much less killy.

Opportunity cost is real in this quest: picked melee build means no magic or artifact crafting; pick glass-cannon means no tank.

Reminder: GS Goblins are trashmob creatures with no spell-likes, no class levels, additional languages, literacy, cultural skills, and minimal moral agency. Even the Goblin Lord is considered "just a goblin" by Goblinslayer.

(YOU) were created to suck and lose.

Hate Kumo Kagyu, aka the GS OverGod SpiderSnailGM, for this.

Finish TSCP III and get back to Seafood. You'll get an upgrade option.

>>6131832
>(YOU) were created to suck and lose.
Pssh, who cares what Fate and the Heavens wanted. Cultivation is all about defying Fate and the Heavens anyways! Transcending limits that were never meant to be broken!

>>6131835
which Toady, age 3, is doing very nicely.

There are no 3yo Goblins with QKA, Infinite Pouches of Holding w/ 1500 Stuffs, utility Cantrips, a Phasic / Vorpal weapon, triple weapon handling, outputting as of now 33 dmg per turn, and up to 66 dmg per turn SUICIDEY.

Right now, Toady is able to 1v1 one-shot ~50% of full grown Orcs in one turn; for comparison, an actual PC on solo might take 3-5 rounds minimum if played correctly.

Normal Orcs are Challenge Rating 0.25-0.5 by DND convention; Toady might be CR 2-5 right now. He's already monstrous. If a QM from some other DND homebrew thread introduced Toady as an event monster, all the anons will screech.

And in-game, it's not even half a year since he met Yang Wuhan.

Clear TSCP III, make it back to Seafood, get a side-grade.

edit: 34dmg per turn, 68 max on SUICIDEY

Toady is not yet able to transcend the realities of his birth.

Moar time, risk, and hardship needed.

>>6131852
yup
for a mere goblin toady is very powerful
even the goblin slayer himself will find a challenge in him

File: file.png (100 KB, 1185x968)

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>>6131852
66 Damage per turn? Fuck CR 2-5, this nigga's...actually, let me calculate it real quick.

Challenge Rating: 9

Offensive CR: 16

Defensive CR: 1

Proficiency Bonus: +4

Effective HP: 48 (6d6+0)

Effective AC: 17

Average Damage Per Round: 83

Effective Attack Bonus: +14

Pic related is everything I input, mostly in reference to Toady's various feats as written in-battle. One of his favorite moves seems to be making others fall into the attacks meant for him.

File: OIG1-219.jpg (203 KB, 1024x1024)

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>>6131866
Yes.

>it takes a dogpile of 4 x lvl9 PCs to take him without incurring casualties.

Toady is fucking gross.

>>6131872
Just think about what he could do to them in a surprise round.
>Healy feggit DOWN. Autokilt.
>Initiative bonus, I go first, slutts.
>Whizzard DOWN, folded like wet tissue paper.
>Use movement to FUGG OFF.
>Stealthy boy follows cuz he's the only one with the speed to match.
>1v1? lmao
>Stealthboy joinin the DEADDERS
>Just the fighty boy now
>He don't stand a charnce
>But we don't gotta kill him right away
>Wait until his guard is down, nyerr
>0/4 party members remaining
>No damage run complete

File: OIG1.ChaGdR.jpg (171 KB, 1024x1024)

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>>6131874
yes.

Considering he can send most backline characters past -10hp in one turn, Toady is too dangerous for most parties under lvl10.

Not even counting his stockpile of Helffs n BOOMs yet.

Acceptable for a Disciple of the Blade Emperor, hmhmhm.

>>6131872
how many heroic LM do we still need?

>>6131866
Thanks for the math.

^ ^

>>6131882
5, right now.

Toady spedrun most of TSCP III already.

>>6131881
This trend continues all the way until level 13 btw. Assuming the Cleric only has a con of 10, at least.
At level 9, the cleric needs a con of 16-17 to survive one round from Toady suicidey, assuming that Toady doesn't autocrit on a surprise round.
The wizard with his, kek, d6...he needs a con of 18-19 to survive a round.

>>6131886
QM doesnt follow the DnD system strictly
so he can balance it in some way

>>6131887
True.
Mage Armor spell likely reduces damage instead of giving AC bonus.

File: OIG2-400.jpg (195 KB, 1024x1024)

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>>6131886
unless someone prepped a Hold Person, Charm Monster or similar Int or Wis check spells, and someone else picked a couple levels Favored Enemy: Aberration, Tracking, Dimensional Anchor and similar to stop him running off and healing, Toady will be BAD ENDing the party.

>>6131887
yup.

QM is a filthy heretic.

>>6131889
And that's not even Toady with PREP TIME.
>Gets ahead of the party, pulls out all the dimmy and wagon and mo ao
>Gets behind the party
>Waits for them to encounter the undead freaks
>Ambush them in pincer maneuver
GAME OVER

writan now

should be fully posted in 4hrs.

let's see.

File: 1000092791.jpg (185 KB, 1024x1024)

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Rolled 4, 4, 2, 3, 2, 4, 3, 2, 2, 3 = 29 (10d4)

Alone in the pit under Wagon's armored belleh you light some candles to heat up the sheeping tar to glop it on your still smarting gashes.

While that cooks, you drip owwie-dun all over yourself, to help the scabbing.

It's not many Greenoids, not even Chiefs n Shammies, wot can take on and take out fifteen gits in a row in under one Time (40Min).

YOU did plenty good.

The caked blood on you from the gibbt Orcs doesn't seem to be coming all orf. You pick at it, because of course you do, and find that your skin's gone red and stayed red.

And your sweat stinks. Might have to do with getting so good at the Carrionpede. You'll have to ask Seafood about this.

On close inspection, you don't like the armor your droogz kludged up for you. They seem to think heavily armored means armored heavily: they just slapped bigg fikky pieces together, loose rigging, wasting weight, leaving gaps.

YOU can do better. You undo most of their work, shorten the underriggs tighter, add backup loops. All the wood bits get chucked. The chestpiece made from a hammered flat buckler you switch out to the back, and replace it with several blunted smolly axxs in overlapping layers. Your bellyguard's a biggy belt on which you wire-stitch the mug-plate from a cracked helmet.

You'd really like some chainmail to close up all the gaps in your armpits, sides and kneepits, but there's not much of that; you make do with fikky patches of quilt armor there.

Glubbs just doubled layers of quilt armor fabric with your hands crammed through, then smolly bits and strips of metal glued or tied on.

While you work your mind keeps drifting to
>>6129519 how the Orc gauntlet would have been easier if you'd cheated. Then you think of the fistful of ringnuts dat one Orc was tryna punch you with, and how your Carrionpede crawled all over your victims when you killed.

You get the beginnings of an idee.

You make little dewclaws for your heels, knees, and elbows: curved shiv hooks meant to cut and gash as you go. Out of a bag of gaskets and shaving razors you kludge some ringnuts for your toes.

>[DEWCLAWS] GETTY
>rollan 8d4 Stuff for cost
>Any HIT roll over 100 converts the surplus÷3 into melee damage

You also do a little experiment: you pluck the wick out of a BOOMcandle, light it, and chuck it in the Pouch.

Wait a hundred beats. Take it out again. It's still sizzling, still the same length as far as you can make out.

Annuvva idee starts to cook.

You gently!!! chop up several BOOMcandles, re-roll 'em as sossijiz onna stikk, then dipp the BOOMsossijj in sheeping tar all gloppy glop.

Then you stick about yayoneplupplupp, yaytwoplupplupp, yayfreeplupplupp, yayFOUR's worth of BOOMwick back on innada sossijj, light all the wicks at once and Pouch 'em.

Now, with some risk to yourself, you can chuck a readied handful of stikky BOOMsossijj when the fight starts not going your way.

>kludged 2d4 B.C. to 3 B.S. each

File: 1000092801.jpg (166 KB, 1024x1024)

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You do one round of Ceremony then go sleep restlessly, partly because it's stuffy innere, partly because you keep dreaming the Carrionpede like your brainz is full of it, crawling wivvit.

Seafood's execution of your moveset with a knotty length of rope keeps coming back to you.

In the middle of the night you wake up and can't drop back to sleep.

You spend the rest of the darkness measuring out rope, knotting, unknotting, setting Daggy on one end like a poke, then Noiffy at the other end but sideways, like a sikky, and in the middle a short jabby shiv every seven palm lengths or so.

When you're done you hold it up against the candle light, making it a long dark shape in your hand. Jiggle it a little, so that it swings. Waves. Curls.

You marvel at it.

>Jezt likes a buggy cennerpeed

You order Wagon off the pit.

Your three Droogs, snoozing with their backs on Wagon, startle n scuttle.

They watch you ignore them.

In the open night air you go through your Stances, full motion Transformations, your roped-up weapons clattering as you manipulate their momentum using your arm- knee- and elbowpits; waist and neck and back and feet.

In your hands the rope twists, thrashes, whips. Wraps.

Your Droogz, and now a small crowd of Gobbies, have woken up and gathered to watch your weirdness, their eyes and moufs open.

It is Death they are looking at.

It is Gore Walker.

>TSCP III now at 15/18 progress
>Overkill 1 Unlocked:
>Any damage done by Carrionpede that puts the target at 0HP may be carried over to ONE nearby target within range.

>Caution: following DnD convention, a target not yet -10HP can still be stabilized by allies with spells, first aid skills, or health potts.

>Tip: use SUICIDEY when you are being attacked by a group; you are going to be hit anyway, might as well eat it and rely on your +18% Hit to take at least 1 opponent out

File: 1000092802.jpg (184 KB, 1024x1024)

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Rolled 9 (1d12)

Rollan for current location.

12 = Boss Lot + Whore Pits
11 = Whore Pits
10, 9 = Fight Pits
8, 7 = Kennels
1-6 = Da Sprawl

Rollan Da Sprawl automatically makes it va Orky part of Da Sprawl; you don't waste time exploring the Gobby parts of it, thanks to your Droogz.

File: 1000092806.jpg (223 KB, 1024x1024)

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>Rolled Fight Pits
>33 Days Off remaining
>Toady 14/14Dur 4/22HP
>natural healing slowed from restless sleep

You're at the neighborhood of the Fight Pits, they tell you. More than that they don't know. Gobbos don't usually explore the Orky parts of Da Sprawl. Not if they mind getting turned into a snack.

It's an entire new and closed world to them.

They know who the Bossers are by sight, of course, but what they do and where they kip your Droogz only have vague ideas.

They stand tall and look tuffy like you tell them to, and you all troop into the Fight Pits. They're counting on their new Quality Kludge and YOUr new reputation as a Killybugg to keep them in one piece.

Orcs as a rule don't like arsking or getting arsked; you'll be exploring and following the foot traffic until you find something interesting.

File: 1000092826.jpg (128 KB, 1024x1024)

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"Ere, Boss," sez Uptush suddenly "Dats Dulugtangor, va Shammy Boss."

The other two go quiet as he points: Dulugtangor is - not tall - straight for an Orc. Doesn't have enough of the bunched back and chest muscles that give real old Orcs 18+ years that characteristic slouch.

Maybe it's because he's Bigg on Zapzaps, being the Shammy Boss, or maybe he's just old. You lot just watch him as he walks, the biggy Zapstikk making a deep twingy thudd each time he lands it. You don't need to waste a charge of {'TECT ZAPZAP} to know he's loaded with magic.

You all hyperfocus as he makes his way to a biggy tent raised at the entrance of one of the noisiest Fight Pits, watch him lean his hooded head a little into the doorway... then without turning point a long gnarled up finger at your little group.

In seconds a real biggy mohawk Orc comes thundering cheerfully out, grinnen ear to ear.

"WHURRZEEAT! WHURRZA LIDDLE TITCH WOT KROMPT HALF A WARBAND LIKE A SERRASAUR ATTA BAKESALE WHURRIZZEE!"

The Shammy bastich is already walking off, slow as before. Even without seeing his face you know he's smiling.

The biggy mohawk blocks your path and your view.

>yew fuggen Shammy kunt.
>I'll see yez lader, smegsucc.

DirtyNuggz whispers from behind at you while your other two henches grin accommodatingly at the Mohawk.

"Datz Boogerloo; callem Boogs. One ovva Warlordz. Careful Boss. He's big smiley narr, but he gets triggrd by VA word "no." "

>QM takes nap

>>6132005
>Mohawk
I'm suddenly infuriated by the fact that we, as a lowly goblin, have the worst hair genetics!
CAN'T GET NO STYLISH MANE
CAN'T GET NO MUSTACHE N BEARD
JUST SCRAGGLY WISPY CHEMO PATIENT HAIR
FUCK
THE GODS WILL PAY

>>6131985
>4/22HP
can we kludge a new helff swigga?
alternatively we should probably drink 1 or 2 potions

[VOTE]
8HP restored per Small Helff Pott.

How many did Toady chugg larst night?

>0

>1

>2

QM too beat to do a good job right now. Writan continues in 14 hrs.