>>5885634
Le Petite Mort or as they call us, Mort

>>5885634
GREG

Crooked Greg

>>5885634
The frog eating bastard

>>5885634
DRAGUR DAGGURDSONN

>>5885634
Byron Tennyson, or "Bison" for short.

>>5885634
>>5885663
+1 Totally not paralleling any pre-existing, world-famous and renowned franchise

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>Mort
>Greg

You are GREGGINGTON (REDACTED), or, as is your assassin nom de assassinat, CROOKED MORT, or MORT for short.

An erstwhile pupil at the capital underground's SAINT LAWRENCE DOJO, your professors took notice of your natural talent for poisons and recommended you for a specialized practicum with the hermitic great assassin BLANCHEFLEUR DE QUINQEROI.

You’ve since been with the assassin at her remote RED CATHEDRAL for six months now–scrubbing turtle crap from the floorboards, cooking her food, and doing her laundry–all, you’re sure, just part of your murderous training.

>Attend to daily chores.
>Consider the great assassin Blanchefleur.
>Consider other residents of the Red Cathedral.
>Write-In.

>>5885642
+1

>>5885678
>Attend to daily chores.

We are a good guy. We attend to our chores faithfully and without complaint.

>>5885678
>>Consider the great assassin Blanchefleur.

>>5885678
>Write-In.
Pet the turtles.

>>5885682
+1

>>5885678
>Consider the great assassin Blanchefleur.

>>5885678
>Consider other residents of the Red Cathedral
>mentally review your plans to kill them all.
You did make plans to kill everyone you meet right?

>>5885678
>Consider the great assassin Blanchefleur.
>Pet tortl

>>5885678
>Consider the great assassin Blanchefleur.

>>5885678
>Consider the great assassin Blanchefleur's overtly large mammaries.

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>>5885682
>>5885689
>>5885699
>>5885719
>>5885723
>>5885728

The Great Assassin Blanchefleur De Quinqeroi the Dishonored, at twenty-nine years old your master and one of just a few in known history to earn the title of great.

A student once at the underground dojo (like yourself), she was dishonored and expelled for her heretical interests in unknown branches of toxicology–only for her work to pioneer brand new worlds of venomous study and practice, tantamount to the discovery of a new spectrum of color in the world of science.

But in spite of her prestige, she tends toward seclusion in her faraway RED CATHEDRAL near the edges of the PRIMEVAL DEEP. A famous misanthrope, she’s known to deny both neophyte and senior assassins alike the chance to work with her. You, it seems, are the first she’s ever taken on as an apprentice.

And though your apprenticeship has gone on for half a year now, you haven’t actually seen her much. A glimpse here and there, when you drop her dinner or freshly-washed bloomers off at her door. And she usually berates you. But you’re sure this is all just part of your path to becoming a great assassin yourself!

>Attend to daily chores.
>Consider the other residents of the Red Cathedral.
>Examine your quarters.
>Write-In.

>>5885776
>Consider the other residents of the Red Cathedral.

>>5885776
>Consider the other residents of the Red Cathedral.

>>5885776
>>Examine your quarters.

>>5885776
>>Examine your quarters.
>What kind of poison did she make anyway?

>>5885789
>>5885787
Whoops wanted to add the second one

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>>5885776
>Attend to daily chores.

>>5885776

>Examine your quarters.

Take stock of our available inventory. Is she waiting for us to attempt to poison her in a show of aptitude and discipline?

>>5885776
>>Attend to daily chores.
>>Consider the other residents of the Red Cathedral.

>>5885776
Holy shit.

>>5885776
>Attend to daily chores.
>Consider the other residents of the Red Cathedral.
Hahaha, Bizarro Greenhorn? Alright...

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>>5885794
>>5885819
>>5885836


>Attend to daily chores.

You decide to get to your daily chores–all the usual fare of cooking the house’s meals, scrubbing the floorboards of turtle poop, running your lady’s clothing through the laundry rack, dusting up shelves in the store rooms, keeping track of poison materials in the ledger, setting the table, and whatever other janitorial duties the day demands of you.

Your domestic work here has been so strenuous as to leave little room for much proper roguish studies. In fact, your “tutelage” here has been left up to you, usually as a chapter or two out of your assassin clan textbook before you get to bed each night. But your lady is a busy assassin, so you suppose you ought to be grateful to even share a house with her.

You wake up at no less than the crack of dawn–5 A.M–every morning for your first lesson of the day, breakfast. Your master’s preferred breakfast–a full Denny's™ Grand Slam–can take some time to complete, after all.

[...]

You make your way up the stairs to your master’s door, the intermediary through which most of your communications take place. You usually leave your meals here for her with a knock and an announcement, but.. the herb crusted chicken you left for dinner last night is still sat before the door. Your lady’s never missed a meal like this before.

>Knock on the door and announce you’ve brought her breakfast.
>Knock on the door and ask if she’s alright.
>Barge into her room. She may be sick!
>Write-In.

>>5885853
>Write-In
>Sneakily pick the lock after examining the door for traps
Clearly this is just another test!

>>5885853
>>5885857
+1

>>5885853
>Barge into her room. She may be sick!
Or worse. SMALLER.
Or better. TALLER.

>>5885857
+2

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>>5885857
>>5885859
>>5885888

>Sneakily pick the lock after examining the door for traps

You examine on the vast red door. You've not once been so emboldened as to breach your lady's door before, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

You probe the crevices of DEATH'S DOOR, seeking purchase. A hidden keyhole, a movable piece of gilding... The massive slabs of stone and wood creak...

Her door is open.

You hear an awkward, panicked shuffling, the rolling of glass across floor before a voice rings out. “Is that... Mort? Hold on a minute...” A female voice barks back. “Just leave my breakfast out there.”

Your brow furrows. The voice that met yours was certainly not your master’s. It was strange--bratty and piddling, not at all like your fair lady’s deep and commanding tone.

>Burst into the room. There may be a rival assassin afoot.
>Ask if your master might show her face.
>Prepare a Prismatoxin.
>Write-In.

>>5885904
>>Burst into the room. There may be a rival assassin afoot.

>>5885904
>Peep

>>5885904
>Peep

>>5885904
>Prepare a Prismatoxin.

>>5885904
>Peep

>>5885904
>Prepare a Prismatoxin.
>Burst into the room. There may be a rival assassin afoot.

>>5885904
>Write-In.
Just walk away. Leave the food. Just walk away and there will be an end to the horror.

>>5885904
>>Write-In.
Peep

>>5885776
Reminds me of DevilHS' drawings.

Update already you said fat fuck

>>5885904
>>>Burst into the room. There may be a rival assassin afoot.

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>>5885909
>>5885920
>>5885947
>>5886180

>Peep

You dare to stare into the darkness that is the lair of your mistress. Your training gives you the ability to see through the darkenss, if only a little.
A shape bustles around inside, and you sense a malignant presence.

It knows you're there Fear creeps down your spine and you start rambling.

“I’m fine! Just stay out!” The voice suddenly snaps at you. “Here. Give me a moment..”

The door slowly creaks open to your master’s bedroom/workshop–dimly lit, you just make out a few stray daggers and bottles strewn out about the floor, a far cry from its typical immaculacy. But though open, you can still make out neither hide nor hair of your master, the voice hidden behind the door..

“I’m fine.” She repeats herself, voice still scratchy and uneven. “But if you’d insist upon my affairs, then make yourself useful and go fetch Gildenstern. I need to speak with him in private.”

>Insist that you see to your master. You’re her apprentice, after all, and it’d do you no good to see her sick.
>This all seems far too suspicious to leave well alone. Enter the room and get a good look at the voice.
>Go fetch Gildenstern. Maybe he’ll elucidate the situation for you.
>Write-In.

>>5887285
>This all seems far too suspicious to leave well alone. Enter the room and get a good look at the voice.
We must sate out paranoia

>>5887285
>This all seems far too suspicious to leave well alone. Enter the room and get a good look at the voice.
But do it stealthily

>>5887285
>This all seems far too suspicious to leave well alone. Enter the room and get a good look at the voice
Dagger drawn! It could be an intruder! Our master could be sexily trussed up!

>Insist that you see to your master. You’re her apprentice, after all, and it’d do you no good to see her sick.

>>5887285
>Go fetch Gildenstern. Maybe he’ll elucidate the situation for you.

>>5887285
>Go fetch Gildenstern. Maybe he’ll elucidate the situation for you.

>>5887285
>>This all seems far too suspicious to leave well alone. Enter the room and get a good look at the voice.

>>5887285
>Go fetch Gildenstern. Maybe he’ll elucidate the situation for you.

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>>5887314
>>5887317
>>5887345
>>5887302

>This all seems far too suspicious to leave well alone. Enter the room and get a good look at the voice.

You decide to follow your gut instincts here. You know well enough that thieves, kobolds, and other bastards of their ilk have set upon the cathedral before. So, in spite of the lady’s shrill yaps at you to stop, you press past the door and make your way through into your master’s bedroom.

The room looks as if a thief really had torn through it. A maelstrom of stray papers carpet the floors, presumably your master’s research notes and old academic journals. A handful of glass bottles with old poison residue still stuck to the bottom lie strewn out overtop the sheets. And in the midst of the mess lies your master–at least, a bit of her.

The woman before you, for all intents and purposes, looks to be your master. She’s got the same keen glare in her eyes, the same platinum nest of ringlets and curls beneath a red hood, the same deadly daggers in hand.

But gone is her elaborate raiment of leather and straps, in its place an ugly red gambeson slung over top a body less than a quarter of her original height–even you now stand a head above her. And from betwixt the nest of curls under her hat, you can make out the characteristic jumbo ears of a halfling. Your master is a human. Right?

“You–I..” Lady Blanchfleur stares agape, her mouth flopping open and shut, her face furrowing into a mix of panic, shock, and rage. “What are you doing, you idiot!?”

>Quickly leave the room. No harm, no foul, right?
>Ask to know what’s going on.
>Pinch her cheek.
>Write-In.

>>5887362
>>Ask to know what’s going on.
"I thought there was an assassin afoot in the cathedral! Now, pray tell, why is there a halfling in place of my master!"

>>5887362
>Pinch her cheek.

>>5887362
>Pinch her cheek.
D'aww

>>5887362
Platinum? I always thought she was dark skinned with white hair.

>>5887362
>Write-In.
Square up and get ready for battle.

"What have you done to my master?"

>>5887412
Platinum blonde is ALMOST white.

>>5887362
>Pinch her cheeks
>Yell "What have you done to my hot master?! BRING HER BACK!!"

>>5887362
>>Pinch her cheek.
>Yell "What have you done to my hot master?! BRING HER BACK!!"

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>>5887366
>>5887375
>>5887421
>>5887431

>Pinch her cheeks
>Yell "What have you done to my hot master?! BRING HER BACK!!"

True, your master is not in sight but an adorable little creature has replaced her. Sure, you're master has an undeniable and deadly allure, but you've always been a sucker for the cuter things in life.

It goes about as well as you can imagine.

"Lay a finger on me and lose it, brat." You've heard that line before. But...
"Master?"
She gives you an indignant look.

"Master have you... always been a halfling? Surely you must be taking some sort of human transpeciation potion to maintain your human guise. Those ingredients i'm sure are rare and expensive... your shipment has been siezed or delayed, surely?"

"Shut up, you dolt. I'm Human. Always have been. I was experimenting with a new poison formula and was trying to inoculate myself but... looks like it was a bit too strong. If I don't cure this thing I'll be stuck like this for the better part of a month... unacceptable."

She whirls about and starts grabbing daggers and satchels from around her bedroom. There are a shocking amount of daggers and satchels.

"Wrap your hand. We're going." She stuffs a few other belongings into one LARGE satchel and makes for the exit.

>Attempt to stop her, surely you could wait out a month
>Inquire as to the nature of the poison she ingested
>Seek the advice of Gildenstern
>write in

>>5887482
>Inquire as to the nature of the poison she ingested

>>5887482
>Seek the advice of Gildenstern

>>5887482
>Inquire as to the nature of the poison she ingested

>>5887482
>Seek the advice of Gildenstern
Gotta' learn more about alt-universe Van Bos

>>5887482
>>Seek the advice of Gildenstern

>>5887482
>Seek the advice of Gildenstern

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>>Seek the advice of Gildenstern

You seek the sage advice of The Glittering Gildenstern.
He's the only other resident of the RED CATHEDRAL besides you, your master, and the turtles, he tends to the in-house turtle coops and the green house--feeding and watering the animals, collecting eggs, trimming deadly foliage, the the like.

He was apparently once a royal wizard for the king, but was given as a gift to your lady. His proclivity for hard work without complaint and general silence made him the ideal housemate. And he's nice enough to you, if quiet. It's just that his vegetarianism can make his meal prep a challenge.

As usual, Gildernstern is few of words.
"Attend to the task, sanguine apostle."
And so you do.

Lady Blanchefleur tries to explain the ways of PRISMATOXIN to you, but you're distracted by Gildenstern's glittering golden body. Oh well, I'm sure you'll figure it out when the time comes.

>Ask her to repeat herself
>Fix her a snack for the road
>Grab your gear and get ready to leave
>Write in

>>5887555
>Grab your gear and get ready to leave

>>5887555
>>Grab your gear and get ready to leave

>>5887555
>Fix her a snack for the road

>>5887555
>>Grab your gear and get ready to leave

>>5887555
>Fix her a snack for the road

>>5887555
>Fix her a snack for the road

>Fix her a snack for the road

>>5887555
>Ask her to repeat herself
That visualization looks interesting. Tell me about the color wheel of DEATH, yon shortstack!

>>5887555
>Ask her to repeat herself

>>5887555
>Ask her to repeat herself
This time we can intentionally not listen

>>5887555
>Ask her to repeat herself
>This time focus on your master's new plump halfling rump creating a shelf under her cloak.

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>>5887555
>>5888608
Realest vote I've ever seen. +1

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>>5887667
>>5888260
>>5888589
>>5888608
>>5888866

You briefly ponder your masters overstuffed rump in her new halfling form. It seems to be a major tactical disadvantage, why if she were sneaking around some guarded palace surely the sound of her clapping- Ok stop it.

You ask her to repeat herself, but she's too busy barking orders at Gildenstern.

You recall your training in the ways of Prismatoxins on your own. All Assassins of the BROKEN HEARTS CONSORTIUM are trained on these vital venoms as they progress through training and into the ranks of hones assassins.

At the moment you only have access to the first four -
Rotesgift - A pure damage amplifier
Orangefarbener - Adds a physical impairment
Gelbe Krankheit - Imparts various sensations of illness
Grüner Schaden - Slowly but surely whittles away at one's health

They're ok on their own, but typically MIXED in combat for amplified effect.
You'll worry about that later.

ANYWAY, your lady sure is going on and on.

>Ask about her condition. The result of a potion experiment going wrong? A backfired spell? A curse?
>Ask what she’s talking to Gildenstern about.
>Mention that you think being short isn’t too bad. She can fit into cupboards and stuff now.
>Write-In.

>>5889310
>>Ask about her condition. The result of a potion experiment going wrong? A backfired spell? A curse?

>>5889310
>Ask what she’s talking to Gildenstern about.

>>5889310
>Mention that you think being short isn’t too bad. She can fit into cupboards and stuff now.

As an assassin her stealth and infiltration abilities are greatly enhanced now.

>>5889310
>Mention that you think being short isn’t too bad. She can fit into cupboards and stuff now.

>>5889310
>Ask about her condition. The result of a potion experiment going wrong? A backfired spell? A curse?

>>5889317
Didn't she already tell us it was a Prismatoxin experiment gone awry? >>5887482

>>5889310
>Ask if the offending admixture was Orangefarbender, since she has a legal disability as a little person now
>Assure her that she can still live a happy, normal life, even maybe keep being an assassin, since her booty doesn't clap TOO loudly
>Speculate about possible cures, if it's still something she wants to fix even after all your wonderful and supportive reassurances

>>5889310
>Fantasize about what your master could look like as other species.

>>5889378
>>5889386
>Mention that you think being short isn’t too bad. She can fit into cupboards and stuff now.
+1 to all these.

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>>5889378
>>5889389
>>5889386

>Ask if the offending admixture was Orangefarbender, since she has a legal disability as a little person now

She throws a small dagger at you. It bounces harmlessly off of your thick woolen cloak.
"No you living dunce cap, obviously I was working with my own patented Violetter Verstärker."

Ah, the forbidden Prismatoxin, developed by none other than your sultry master.

>Assure her that she can still live a happy, normal life, even maybe keep being an assassin, since her booty doesn't clap TOO loudly

"FOOL! It's not the size that counts, it's the motion in the ocean! I'd need to relearn everything to get the most out of this body. As it stands I'm as harmless as one of these dumb turtles."

>Speculate about possible cures, if it's still something she wants to fix even after all your wonderful and supportive reassurances

"No no no this was a particularly nasty brew. To purge it from my system quickly we're going to need some REALLY weird stuff, as well as more Violette Blüte."

>Go aid the handyman with the eggs for some reason.
>Ask just how she intends to get the ingredients then.
>The ingredients are magic! Maybe a kiss from her true love(ing apprentice) might cure her?
>Write-In.

>>5889439
>Ask just how she intends to get the ingredients then.
We're going on some big ass (heh) quest, aren't we?

>>5889439
>The ingredients are magic! Maybe a kiss from her true love(ing apprentice) might cure her?
then afetr she pummels us (hot)
>Ask just how she intends to get the ingredients then.

>>5889439
>The ingredients are magic! Maybe a kiss from her true love(ing apprentice) might cure her?
Just like in those romance novels she hid away.

>>5889439
>Ask just how she intends to get the ingredients then.

>>5889439
>Ask just how she intends to get the ingredients then.

>>5889439
>>Ask just how she intends to get the ingredients then.

>>5889439

>The ingredients are magic! Maybe a kiss from her true love(ing apprentice) might cure her?

>>5889439
>>The ingredients are magic! Maybe a kiss from her true love(ing apprentice) might cure her?

>>5889439
>Ask just how she intends to get the ingredients then.

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>>5889444
>>5889468
>>5889512
>>5889555
>>5892080

>Ask just how she intends to get the ingredients then.

"Urr uhh.. So those ingredients... what do we need? And how do we get them?"

She talks and walks, gathering up knives and caltrops and stuffing them in her now oversized cloak.

"We're gonna need RUNEBEAR BILE, that's first. We should be able to find one pretty close in the PRIMEVAL DEEP. Then we can harvest some ULTRAVIOLET, it's rare but I know a good spot. SHINIGAMI EYE JUICE is gonna be a real task, so we'll have to put together a ritual. As for ASSASIN'S BLOOD well we can either chance upon it or... haha."

She smirks in a way that makes cold sweat run down your back.

"And of course a new Eidechsenhilfe Flask. Can't mix a toxin of this magnitude without a serious vessel. Bad news is the glassblower I like to use got offed recently, so we'll have to look for leads."

She takes a beat -

"as far as HOW we get them? we're just going to have to do the dirty work." She says with a wink.

>Ask about the RUNEBEAR BILE.
>Ask about Lady Blanchefleur herself.
>Ask about the RED CATHEDRAL.
>Think a little about the PRIMEVAL DEEP.
>Write-In.

>>5892382
>Think a little about the PRIMEVAL DEEP.
>Ask about the RUNEBEAR BILE.
How many runes could a runebear bare if a runebear bared their runes?

>>5892382
>>5892392
+1

>>5892382
>>Think a little about the PRIMEVAL DEEP.
>>Ask about the RUNEBEAR BILE

>>5892382
>Ask about the ASSASSIN'S BLOOD
We're still an apprentice right? Not a full assassin yet? So our blood wouldn't count?
Asking for a friend.

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OP when is this temporally? Could something like this happen?

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>>5892392
>>5892393
>>5892429
>>Think a little about the PRIMEVAL DEEP.

The PRIMEVAL DEEP. An endless expanse of dark red plains and crooked mountains. A land nearly untouched by the advance of modern society, but not for want of resources. The DEEP is home to wild magic, the sort that rebels most strongly against homesteading and other such humanoid intrusions.

You can make out a small outcropping of smaller mountains pock-marked with caves and crevices, the perfect hibernating ground to native RUNEBEARS.

>>Ask about the RUNEBEAR BILE

"Not that I've seen one, but Rune Bears should be easy to find a short way into the Deep. It shouldn't be a challenge for 3 seasoned fighters." You proclaim.

Your lady gives you QUITE a look.
"YOU are not seasoned. I am crippled and Gildenstern is a pacifist. If we're not careful we're going to get killed. She starts rummaging around in an old weapon chest.

"They're resistant to Toxins (of course), a dagger won't cut through their hide, throwing knives just as useless. However... How comfortable are you firing a canon?" She asks.

You tell her you've only ever handled daggers and throwing knives. Oh, and the odd bout of unarmed fisticuffs.

"It's easy. Aim, light, fire."

>Agree to handle the Canon
>Insist on using a nearby broadsword
>Maybe you'll just watch this time
>Write in

-----

>>5892644
Late into the events of Greenhorn 2

>>5894437
>Agree to handle the Canon
Canon go boom.

>>5894437
>Maybe you'll just watch this time

>>5894437
>Insist on using a nearby broadsword

>>5894437
>>Agree to handle the Canon

>>5894437
>Insist on using a nearby broadsword
We are no coward! Melee crit build go

>>5894564
What but cannon goes boom. BIG BOOM even.

>>5894577
Cannon does, but being Capitalized and spelled differently, I am beginning to wonder if a Canon might be something different... Like the the bible-gun in Haremvania, maybe?

>>5894437
Changing my vote at >>5894465 to
>Agree to handle the Canon

>>5894437
>Agree to handle the Canon
Go big or go home.

>>5894437
>Agree to handle the Canon

>>5894437
>Agree to handle the Canon
It still counts as a stealth kill if no-one witnesses it right?

>>5894581
Surely the QM wouldn't misspell cannon, right?

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>Agree to handle the Canon

"Be careful with that. It's the only thing in the Cathedral that could take out a Runebear in one shot."

You heave the massive Canon onto your back. Gildenstern is nice enough to help you get strapped in. You exit via the front gate and come to face the Großerarsch mountain range.

The range has the occasional adventuring party wandering out, but the mortality rate is enough to keep most explorers away. Looks like you've got a few places to check for Rune Bears. There are a few wooden thickets nearby, and at least one or two caves slashed into the mountainside. Your sensitive assassin's ears can also hear the rushing of a gentle river.

>Check THICKET
>Check CAVE
>Check RIVER

>>5896410
>Check CAVE

>>5896410
>Check RIVER

>>5896410
>Check RIVER
Maybe they're hunting runesalmon?

>>5896410
>Check CAVE

>>5896410
First
>Check DAT ASS
Then
>Check RIVER
THEN
>Check DAT WET ASS

>>5896485
This is very important environmental information. +1

>>5896410
>>5896485
Ready to be disappointed by shrunken gremlin ass.

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>Check RIVER

You decide to check down by the river.
You also check out your lady... ASSassin is right. Looks like the toxin didn't get all of her.

"Perfect, I can practically smell runebear scat."
She says. You're distracted.

"Alright kid, set up the Canon and be prepared to blast him. We're going to have to use something as bait though..."

>Hunt down a rabbit for bait
>Use your lady as bait
>Use yourself as bait
>Write in

>>5896547
>Grab a fish from the river to use as bait
Bears love twinks. And by twinks I mean fish.

>>5896547
>Use Fish
Does everyone live on giant turtles in this world?

>>5896547
>Fish
Trout might work, too. Add in some jerky and trail mix to the pile to help.

>>5896547
>Fish bait
catch it barehanded too for extra cool points

>>5896554
>>5896561
>>5896568
>>5896618
+1 to the obvious starting point. Assuming...

...


We can swim, right?

>>5896547
>Fish
Catch a FISH. With POISON. Use the POISONED FISH as bait.

>>5896632
Getting a chance to witness our master's FAT HALFLING DUMPTRUCK ASS covered by a clinging wet see-through cloak would be worth the risk of drowning.

>>5896547
>>Hunt down a rabbit for bait
Contrarian vote.

>>5896561
Revising this vote to include poisoning the fish unless it would impact the bile, plus convincing our master to help in the catch for no ulterior motives whatsoever...

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>>5896554
>>5896561
>>5896568
>>5896618
>>5896632
>>5896636
>>5896655

>FISH for gosh sakes

Oh yeah that actually makes a lot more sense, you clever little cookie.
Lady Blanchefleur SUITS UP.


"No problem, I'll snag something up real quick, you just watch out with the Canon."

She treads lightly into the side of the river. "Not so easy when you're under 3 feet tall...."
She casts her line.

>Keep an eye out for Runebears
>Push her in
>Try to pull a fish out with your hands, to impress her
>Write in

(That's all for tonight - Updates M / W / F)

>>5896735
>Try to pull a fish out with your hands, to impress her
Fail and
>Push her in
by "accident"

>>5896735
>Keep an eye out for Runebears
>Sing a tune about FISH

>>5896735
>Try to pull a fish out with your hands, to impress her
>Sing a tune about FISH

>>5896735
Well, at least you've got your floaties to keep you above water...
>Pull out some rope to tie around her waist to you to keep her from being taken with the current
>Keep an eye out for Runebears
>Sing a tune about FISH

>>5896862
>Well, at least you've got your floaties to keep you above water...
She really got the more optimal short-form than Sigrid, huh?

>>5889439
>mustache on dwarf
lel

>Pull out some rope to tie around her waist to you to keep her from being taken with the current
>Keep an eye out for Runebears
>Sing a tune about FISH

File: 17.png (295 KB, 2732x2048)

295 KB PNG

>>5896792
>>5896862
>>5897031

You sing a little tune about fish.

"Fish, o Fish,
roasted so delish,
a drop in the river,
a splash and a splish"

It's a bad song. While you're off in la la land -
A RUNEBEAR APPEARS.

"HEY DOLT, FIRE THE CANON!"

oh shit, yeah you need to aim and fire this thing before the runbear tears your lady asunder.

What do?

>Aim and fire (Roll 1D20)
>Mix a Prismatoxin
>Throw a dagger
>Write in

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>5900349
>Aim at dat ass

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>5900349
>>Aim and fire (Roll 1D20)

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>5900349
>>Aim and fire (Roll 1D20)

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>5900349
>>Aim and fire (Roll 1D20)

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>5900349
>Aim and fire (Roll 1D20)
Damn, we baited a runebear without even having a fish! We're some kind of prodigy.

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>5900349
>Aim and fire (Roll 1D20)

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>5900349
>Fire the Can(n)on while mixing a Prismatoxin.

File: 18.png (281 KB, 2732x2048)

281 KB PNG

>>5900354
>>5900357
>>5900383
>>5900464
>>5900550
>>5900555
>>5901476

Ok ok, you fire the damn canon.
But... It doesn't appear to do any damage.
The wild BOLSHAYAN BOAR just looks pissed off.

"Ok well, that was always a possibility. Hit it again, we can't kill this one either." Lady Blanchefluer says, still somehow self assured.

What do?

>Fire the Canon again (Roll 1D20)
>Throw Dagger
>Grab your lady and RUN
>Write in

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>5902648
>>Fire the Canon again (Roll 1D20)

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>5902648
>>Fire the Canon again (Roll 1D20)

>>5902648
WTF, we went from shooting across a river at a Rune Bear to shooting at point-blank a Bolshayan Boar? What's Bolshayan mean?

>>5902711
I'm beginning to think the Canon does more than fire cannonballs. Could it be it affects reality ('canon' of the story) in some way?

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>5902648
Oh, and...
>Fire the Canon again (Roll 1D20)

>>5902648
>Fire the Canon again (Roll 1D20)
I guess it's a canon altering cannon. It's okay QM, the bit is still being committed to

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>5902648
Where did this Boar come from? Where is Lady Blanchfleur? Where am I??
I am a man with a canon, and I will write my fate with it.
>Fire the Canon again (Roll 1D20)

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>5902648
ok confusing
even if the canon can effectively polymorph, don't we still need runebear bile? how will we get bile from a runebear if we change the runebear into something else? will it change back after death?

>>5903343
If it doesn't change back after death on its own, maybe we can blast its corpse repeatedly until such time as it returns to its original form?

File: 19.png (268 KB, 2732x2048)

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>>Fire the Canon again

You let rip and...
Huzzah. It's a success!

"Great work, even my lowly apprentice could handle a simple OCULOTHORAX. Stab it and drain it for the OCULOTHORAX JUICE that we need."

Wait... didn't you need.... something else?

"Don't stand there looking all confused. The CANON just temporarily rejiggers dimensional array. It'll turn back into whatever it was supposed to be in a while. Although it will probably be a few days for such a large shift."

Hey, maybe you could turn your master back to a human (if even for a short while). That WOULD make her an unstoppable sexy killing machine again, which would really simplify your life.

Also, the OCULOTHORAX doesn't seem to be aggressive. He's just kinda... hanging around now. just a little guy.


>Stab the OCULOTHORAX
>Befriend the OCULOTHORAX
>Point the Canon at your master
>Write in

>>5904287
>Point the Canon at your master
>Maybe it'll turn her into a shortstack goblin?

>>5904287
>Ask why we can't just shoot her now until she's human again and then she'll be in top form for a few days and easily able to handle business
>Befriend the OCULOTHORAX and harvest its juice safely and humanely.

>>5904287
>>5904303
+1

>>5904303
+1

>>5904287

>>5904287
>Stab the OCULOTHORAX
knife time

>>5904287
>Point the Canon at your master

>>5904296
>>5905376
+1

>>5904287
>Befriend OCULOTHORAX
>Tell it the saddest, most heartstring-tugging stories you've got, so it cries out its OCULOTHORAX JUICES into this nifty bucket you have

>>5904287
>Point the Canon at your master
Would be funny if it turned her into Sigrid

>>5906038
+1

>>5911533
Who’s Sigurd?

>>5912968
I suppose we'll never know. :(

>>5912968
The Protag's Master in Greenhorn Qst. Very similar setup to this one, same drawfren QM.