>>5790746
>Ask Scott what the fuck is going on, he may know more. Or not. Probably.

>>5790746
>Ask Scott what the fuck is going on, he may know more. Or not. Probably.

>>5790746
>>Ask Scott what the fuck is going on, he may know more. Or not. Probably.
Need the previous thread archived on suptg?

>>5790746
>Ask Scott what the fuck is going on, he may know more. Or not. Probably.

>>5790746
>>Look around first to make sure it is truly safe to move. Sand Eaters may be here.

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>>5790757
>>5790769
>>5790988 (Might be cool, sure)
>>5791351
>>5791680

You straighten up. The rest of the world seems silent as you stare at the burning old town.
You take a deep breath, and talk: "...Sorry. There is a lot going on here. Can you tell me what's up with... All this?"
Now that you've managed to calm down somewhat, you get an actually useful reply.
"Ah... Yes, I heard some... Noises out there. Are you alright?"
"...Yes. There just seemed to be military guys, and missiles and shit. I feel like there's something I wasn't told going on here."
There is a brief pause.
"...There was some sort of drug or weapons deal planned for today at this location. The next assassin you are meant to fight said he would stop it."
"This was his home, where he was born, raised, trained... The town was abandoned after the foundation of Santa Destroy."
"He only agreed to a fight if it was here."
Well, that explains some things... Not everything, but it gives you some context on the situation.
"Okay. What about the Sand Eaters?" You look around a bit in case they followed... Thankfully they don't seem to have. "...I wish I knew. But hey, there's always weirdos on the desert, huh? They're just... There. No idea what they want." So he has no idea. Okay.
"Anyway, as I was saying... The next assassin is 36 Chambers. Deadliest hands in the west. He excels at both close and long range battles so you will have to be mindful of his position at all times, he is a ruthless killer and will not hesitate to aim for your vitals as often as possible... Overall, I'd say you have about a 20% chance to survive the next encounter... But I believe in you... Defeat him, and you will take the 8th place in the rankings."
"And you must believe in your inner strength! Believe in your heart!"
"Step into the Garden of Madness!"

"...B-By the way what's your nam-" He hung up.
Well... This is it...
You step into a small wooden outhouse to "save" before you start looking for the man of the hour... But where could you find him?
>The burning church?
>In front of the old town hall?
>His childhood home?

>>5791721
>>In front of the old town hall?

>>5791721
>In front of the old town hall?

Last Thread archived here https://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=No%20More%20Heroes%20Quest

>>5791721
>>His childhood home?

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>>5791765
>>5791851
>>5791890
You had a hunch he'd be at the old town hall, like in those old timey cowboy movies...
As you walk up to the second largest building, you see a muscular asian man with a bandana standing proudly in front of it, his back turned to you and surrounded by mauled corpses... It doesn't seem like the job of a blade, however. The bodies had many holes, and sometimes torn limbs, but not a single clean cut...
"...Beautiful, ain't it, missy?" He even speaks with a thick texan accent. Incredible.
https://youtu.be/EHaI5Ruy2EY

"...So I take it you're number 8?" You ask, stepping closer, patience wearing thin. "Never been much of a fan of cowboys, or southerners..."
He doesn't seem phased by your challenge. "They say my grandpappy built this here hall with his own bare hands. Sweat, blood, wood n' steal... People these days don't understand those things. They simply don't, no siree..."
You don't wanna put up with his old man talk anymore, even if doesn't look that much older than you are. "So, why here? Did you want to come die at your hometown? With your ancestors? Because I'll be glad to make it so..." Though, if you look around, this town was still on fire. "In fact, your old town seems to be eager to die with you, too."
You hear him chortle, still not being able to face you it seems.
"Hoo-wee! 'Least ya got that one thing right. Ya see, men like me, we don't die without honor. Without a duel. Like vikings. There is honor, in blood... Once ya understand that, you realize bein' a killer ain't a luxury... It's man's duty... So dinky stupid lil' girls like ya don't get their hands dirty..."
"Ooh, but yer a dirty one, ain'tcha?"

How are you even supposed to reply to that?!
>Write in only.

>>5791922
Piss on him

>>5791859
(also hey that's really cool, thank you. " kill the corporate ladder." is also a pretty good joke I wish I had thought of that first.)

>>5791922
"I'm a dirty girl, alright. But this never was a luxury to me and I'll deck you in the schnoz for even thinking that."
>>5791929
thank OP, I was gonna write something else after getting the first part of the start of the thread but the 140 limit made me change it and it was a nice summarization.

>>5791937
+1

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>>5791925
>>5791937
"I'm a dirty girl, alright. But this never was a luxury to me and I'll deck you in the schnoz for even thinking that!" You bark at him, trying to sound cool. Maybe even 'badass'. He merely scoffs at your challenge. "Girlie, you won't even manage to touch me..."
The man smirks, he seems ready for anything, and you think you see a gun in his hand... His fit body was covered in tattoos with different shapes... Crosshairs, knives, lightning bolts... Man, this guy looks a bit like a tryhard. But he was ranked 8th, it may not be smart to underestimate him.
"Ya see, I came 'ere knowin' I might die. I am ready to meet the big man 'n the sky if it's my time. Are ya? Can ya sincer'ly say yer ready to die? 'Cause the big man don't have pity on losers like you. An' neither does the devil. So when I deliver ya to Him, whatcha gunna say in yer defense, eh? Yer just another hedonistic city crawler, a parasite to society an' everyone ya know! Y'all prob'ly don't even have a father to set ya ass straight! Even less the..."
He talks a lot.
Way too much.
Which is why you start taking your shorts off.
He notices right away and drops any air of menace.
"What in tarnation are ya doin'?!" He seems genuinely stunned by the shock of the situation.
"I'm gonna piss on you." You say nonchalantly. He responds, still unable to comprehend... "W-What? Why? I ain't into that kinky godless freak shit! Jeey-zoos!"
You can't avoid chuckling at his reaction, as you defiantly add, painfully imitating his accent.
"I ain't give a shit 'bout ya sob storey! And I ain't give a shit 'bout ya shitty ass bumfuck town! I piss on 'er! 'N I piss on ya and ya granpappy, pardner!"

He has no words.
It takes him a bit to compose himself.
"...Punk ass bitch, ya ain't no lady. I'll enjoy takin' your life. So thanks for that least!"

"You're welcome!" You bow, and get ready to fight...

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>>5792089

"I'll show ya why they call me '36 CHAMBERS'!!!"
https://youtu.be/s23UX04cjIU
[It's Boss Fight Time!!!]

(Last update for today, sorry I can't leave a choice here. Tomorrow though... The fight is on!)

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>Time for a refresher on how fights work since this is a new thread and I forgot to put this on the OP.
Some options say [ATTACK] or [DODGE]
When selecting [ATTACK], you must roll 1d100 and call HIGH or LOW (Unless the option says specifies one). Over or under 50. A perfect 50 or two players rolling the same number will have a Bonus.
When selecting [DODGE], you must simply call HIGH or LOW and the QM will roll to see if the attack is high or low.
>Now, back to our regular programming...

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>>5792757
NEO UAA Rank 8: 36 Chambers
DRAW!

The second ranked match for you is ON!
"Time to DIE, PIGGEH!"
You ready your lance for battle, but alas, before you can react you suddenly get shot in the shoulder!
He shot with his hand behind his back! There's no way you could've reacted to that! You stumble back a little as he twists his revolvers so fast... It almost looks like he has 6 hands...
There is no way he missed, he intended to shoot your shoulder, his aim is flawless and now you're weakened... In seconds, he could probably unload a whole barrel on your head! This guy may talk a lot but he has the skills to back it up!
YOU'RE BONED!
Okay, with mere seconds to plan, what will you do?!
>Jump to hide behind a barrel! [DODGE]
>Raise some sand with your weapon so he won't see you! [DODGE] [LOW]
>Just run and try to tackle him, hoping to block any hits. [ATTACK]

>>5792783
>>Raise some sand with your weapon so he won't see you! [DODGE] [LOW]

>>5792783
>>Raise some sand with your weapon so he won't see you! [DODGE] [LOW]
A gun in a sword fight? That's cheating

Rolled 24 (1d100)

WHY IS THE DICE NOT WORKING

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>>5792839
>>5792904
You quickly figure out a way to avoid a certain death. At least momentarily. His aim should be useless if he can't locate you.
You use your lance to stab the ground below with an energy burst, sand popping up and creating a cloud that conceals you for just enough time to move out of his sights, or perhaps you will strike back now? There is no time to waste...
"Dagnabbit! Clever pig, ain't ya? But I can still hear..."
While your plan works flawlessly, he won't let you off the hook like nothing! "Pew! Pew!" He says as he shoots at the sound of your movements, which he is trained enough to hear it seems. You avoid his shots and dive behind the corner of a small wooden building...
He approaches slowly... What will you do?
>Jump at him when he's close and strike upwards! [ATTACK]
>Try to get behind him for a better attack angle. [DODGE]
>Try to go for a low kick, if he falls he can't shoot. Probably. [ATTACK]

Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>5793036
>Try to go for a low kick, if he falls he can't shoot. Probably. [ATTACK]
low

(I'll update tomorrow. Though I may be busy, so I may not. We'll see.)

Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>5793036
>>Try to go for a low kick, if he falls he can't shoot. Probably. [ATTACK]
High

Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>5793036
>>Try to go for a low kick, if he falls he can't shoot. Probably. [ATTACK]
lo

Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>5793036
>>Try to go for a low kick, if he falls he can't shoot. Probably. [ATTACK]
HIGH

Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>5793036
>>Try to go for a low kick, if he falls he can't shoot. Probably. [ATTACK]
Low

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>>5793084
>>5793332
>>5794007
>>5794192
>>5795249
(MANY winners, damn!)

Kicks! Kicks! More kicks!
It doesn't throw him off his balance right away, he shoots at you as if barely bothered him, so you kick more! And Again! The impact does damage, but not much... It takes a double kick to truly lift him off the ground and stun him, and while it tires you, it stops you from getting shot at which is still a good thing, and you did hurt him, so it wasn't a waste of energy... In fact, after he falls and stumbles back, he shoots you... A compliment.
"Hah...! Ya kick like a rowdy horse, asshole! Good shit... Unfortunat'ly for ya I kick even betta'!
He puts his guns on their holsters and adopts a martial-arts-esque stance.
"Bring it on... No weapons..."
Uh... That sounds risky. Do you...
>Accept his offer, let's brawl like men!
>Hell no, strike him with your lance. [ATTACK]

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5795351
>>Hell no, strike him with your lance. [ATTACK]
High
We aren't a man anyway

Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>5795369
+1

(sorry I ended up updating only once today, hopefully tomorrow I can do more)

Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>5795351
>Hell no, strike him with your lance. [ATTACK] hi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2elqogqt0pI

Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>5795351
>>Hell no, strike him with your lance. [ATTACK]
Lo

Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>5795351
>>Hell no, strike him with your lance. [ATTACK]
High

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>>5795369
>>5795595
>>5795831
>>5796249
>>5796424
Nice try, but did you seriously think that'd work?
You have no time for honor or any of that BS, so of course you won't listen and fall for the obvious trap.
His lightning fast reflexes grapple the lance from your hands, pulling you towards himself and delivering a devastating kick that empties your lungs of air and makes you wish you hadn't eaten those chimichangas earlier.
You roll backwards, disarmed and stunned... As he pulls his guns out again.
"Rot in hell, scum!"
Well, he is gonna shoot ya. Shoot ya dead.
Quick, backup plan!
>Dive behind a barrel!
>Run into a burning building!
>Run and tackle him!

>>5796463
>>Dive behind a barrel!

>>5796536
+1 to barrel

>>5796463
>>Dive behind a barrel!

>>5796463
>>Dive behind a barrel!

>>5796463
>Dive behind a barrel!

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>>5796536
>>5796538
>>5796746
>>5796756
>>5796802
You are now a barrel.
You have all the powers an abilities of a barrel.
Concentrate your mind. You ARE the barrel. Your soul is that of a barrel.
...Hey you didn't get shot, at least.
36 Chambers throws his guns into the air, then grabs another pair and somehow starts shooting all 4 at once. You manage to dodge at the very last second, but that doesn't take away the fact that he will simply shoot again, and you still don't have a weapon, or any way to defend yourself besides hiding...
You really need to turn this around somehow... But how?

>Try to kick the barrel at him and hope that does something.
>Run and hide and cry. Give up. You miss your mommy.
>Creative write-in solution...?

>>5796809
>Try to kick the barrel at him and hope that does something.
anons, I'm out of ideas

>>5796809
Seek more barrels. Ruse him with all the barrels as if it were a circus act. Then recover our weapon while he's bamboozled

(Will leave the update for tomorrow, wanna see if anyone comes up with anything else interesting overnight~)
>Captcha: K0NG8

>>5796809
Throw the barrel cover

>>5796809
>>Try to kick the barrel at him and hope that does something.

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>>5796891
>>5796893
>>5797535
>>5797737
You feel the stroke of genius. Or maybe just a regular stroke. But something makes you shake.
Hiding in the barrel, rolling towards a large group of them. He won't lose sight, his aim is true but all it does is help you get to your objective quicker.
And once he hesitates for just a simple, short moment... You kick the cover of the barrel as hard as you possibly can! Causing it to fly at him and deck him right on the fucking face!
He spits blood, his teeth broken by the impact! He tries his best to keep his cool, but that hit was so heavy it almost made him fall... And he is still reeling from it!
"A-Agh, SHIT! Bastard!" The man cringes a bit as he tries to shoot back, but cannot find you!
Finally getting out of his sight, you can relax for a moment... But not too long. The fight is still on.
...And you still don't have you weapon, that too.
So what the fuck now?!
>Rush him, no need to use weapons if you are quick enough! You can... Choke him or something. [ATTACK]
>Get a burning stick or something if you can, not really weapon but it may hurt more.
>Sneakily and silently try to get your weapon back, it's pointless to try fighting without it... [DODGE]

>>5797896
>Get a burning stick or something if you can, not really weapon but it may hurt more.
he knows we'll try to get our lance back

>>5797896
>Get a burning stick or something if you can, not really weapon but it may hurt more.

>>5797896
>>Get a burning stick or something if you can, not really weapon but it may hurt more.

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>>5798001
>>5798081
>>5798091
You run behind the closest corner, and pull out a plank that's just recently caught fire. Not a great weapon but the best you do now.
"Them UAA bastards don't even offer dental healthcare or anythin'. Shit... My winnin' smile's seen better days..." He complains, spitting blood at the ground, holding his gun up as he hunts you down. Listening to every sound, any indicator of your location...
You must take him by surprise. You only get one shot.
So what's it gonna be?
>Strike from above! [ATTACK] [HIGH]
>Strike from below! [ATTACK] [LOW]
(Last for today)

Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>5798176
>Strike from above! [ATTACK] [HIGH]

Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>5798176
>Strike from below! [ATTACK] [LOW]

Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>5798176
>Strike from above! [ATTACK] [HIGH]

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>>5798182
>>5798703
>>5798734
You JUMP and swing that plank like your life fucking depends on it!
Because it does!
You go for the head but he manages to avoid the first swing, his attention now on you, but he is still startled enough for you to land the next 2 hits, smashing the wood against his left leg, and then swinging up to his chest, knocking him away and causing him to drop his weapons.
"Hoo-ee! Yer surprisingly tough!"
You pick up your lance as he slowly gets back up. "Ya makin' me sweat partner... 'Means the kid gloves r' off now!"
He rolls through the sand and picks up his guns, before standing and pulling the final pair from his pants.
"6 Bullets. 6 Guns. 6 Shots."
"Hell to ya!"
He starts juggling all of them, and soon they start firing in midair in your direction!

>Roll to the side! [DODGE]
>Run for your life! [DODGE]
>Go for the barrels! [DODGE]

>>5798884
>>Run for your life! [DODGE]

>>5798889
(Psst you gotta call high/low)

>>5798908
High

Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>5798884
>Roll to the side! [DODGE]

high

Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>5798884
DODGE HIGH

>>5798884
>>Roll to the side! [DODGE]
High

Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>5798912
>>5798918
>>5798922
>>5798997

>>5799093
yeah

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>>5799093
(Sorry I took way too long.)
5 Guns shooting your way, but one neatly timed roll is all it takes to avoid them!
"Why you-!" He shoots the final revolver but the shot passes between your legs and does nothing.
You start feeling... Hopeful. You might actually pull this off!
No time to wallow in your smugness, though! Quick!
You must say something badass and launch your next attack!
>Write-in some sick comeback along with your option and roll! You must!

>Slash at his legs to keep him slow! You got this in the bag! [ATTACK]
>Spin your lance and block any shots like those Jedi weirdos. [ATTACK]
>Use THE TECHNIQUE YOU LEARNED FROM YOUR MASTER. (In the previous thread) [ATTACK]

>>5799178
Something about shooting fish in those barrels
Something about being the one that got away
>Spin your lance and block any shots like those Jedi weirdos. [ATTACK]
Spin to deflect stuff. That always works

>>5799178
>>Spin your lance and block any shots like those Jedi weirdos. [ATTACK]
Spinning's a good trick

Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>5799178
>Use THE TECHNIQUE YOU LEARNED FROM YOUR MASTER. (In the previous thread) [ATTACK] High
Surprise attack, go!

Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>5799178
>>Spin your lance and block any shots like those Jedi weirdos. [ATTACK]
BY THE POWER OF THE FORCE

Rolling high

Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>5799178
>>Spin your lance and block any shots like those Jedi weirdos. [ATTACK]
Low

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>>5799209
>>5799999
>>5800283
"By the power of the force!" You yell, trying to sound cool, as you decide to get closer by spinning your weapon, essentially creating a shield, knocking his bullets away and then charging in his direction, the rotating blade forcing him to stumble backwards and tossing some of his guns aside!
"S-SHIT-!" You can tell you truly took him by surprise, now you have the advantage!
As he grits his teeth in rage, he's not giving up, so even if you have the upper hand, you can't afford to have your next move be a predictable one...
If you can find a good opening, the battle will soon be over, you just have to keep your combo up!
He's probably going to try some kung-fu move now that he has you at close range.
Quick! Don't let him fight back!
(And please roll for attacks this this time.)
>Use the move you learned from your master. For real this time. [ATTACK]
>Focus on dodging his next move, then counter-attack! [DODGE]

Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5800377
>Use the move you learned from your master. For real this time. [ATTACK] low
let's end this

Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>5800407
+1

Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>5800377
>>Use the move you learned from your master. For real this time. [ATTACK]
High

Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>5800377
>Use the move you learned from your master. For real this time. [ATTACK]
Low

Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5800377
>>Use the move you learned from your master. For real this time. [ATTACK]
low

Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>5800377
>Use the move you learned from your master. For real this time. [ATTACK]
Hi

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>>5800407
>>5800431
>>5800848 (ween)
>>5800887
>>5801103
>>5801301
...
'Sometimes, the back of a weapon can be just as deadly as the edge...'
You turn around, as he swings his arm down. He doesn't expect you to just look away from the danger, and is quick to shoot at your head, and misses yet again.
Finally on top of the situation, you smirk.
"Your luck's run out, ye gay cowboy!" slamming your weapon backwards, hitting him with the bottom of it, he spits out all the air in his lungs, taken by surprise, dropping his guns, and now totally defenseless...
He wheezes, doubling over in pain. "F-Fuck! S-Shit! You s-son of a bitch!" He even seems to have dropped his shitty accent. "You... You fightin' for your life here... Y-You don't give up, damnit...!" The assassin spits some blood at you, he feels disdain, but also some admiration that you've survived so long against him. "At least... Now I know... You ain't The Jobber..."
Next move is free.

>"Wait, 'The Jobber'? What do you mean...?" May be important.
>Kick him away to make sure he's truly beaten. Then talk.
>Fuck it. "Let's end this fight now! Are you ready?"

>>5801339
>"Wait, 'The Jobber'? What do you mean...?" May be important.
>"Isn't that a wrestling term?"

>>5801347
>+1

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>>5801347
>>5801396
"Hah... So you don't know?" He's not fighting, at least... But he'll do something worse, and infodump at you...
He seems smug about it, about knowing something you don't, and of course he does, that tells him all the info he needs, He starts laughing a little. "...A-Amazing, beaten by a fuckin' newbie..."
"All UAA pros know 'bout that man. Term's from pro wrestling, yes. A jobber's someone who is paid to lose. To make the other fighter look better..." He weakly stands up, reloading his final gun, right in front of you. He wants you see it. So you know he won't shoot you just yet. "But this guy's no joke... We gotta watch out for 'im. He's the one we all wanna avoid... Hehe..."
"We assassins, hitmen, we just kill folks."
"That man... He's the one who takes them straight to hell." He emits a sinister cackle, walking back a few steps. "Hope ya never meet 'em... But let's be honest here."
"Nasty girls like ya belong in hell!"
Gripping his last gun firmly, he smirks confidently one last time. "When high noon hits... Draw..."

You hold your lance, remembering the shot function.
Probably didn't expect to use this in this way, right now... But you've got no choice now, have you?
The sun rises slowly.
Focusing, you can hear the distant ticking of a clock among the fire.
"Any last words, partner?"

>Say something cool. Or not. (Roll 1d100 and write in your final line...)

Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>5801639
>"This town ain't big enough for the both of us. Neither is being #8."
>(smirk)
>"But hell is plenty big enough for you."
And after we win and he dies, we Dr. Peace him
>put the guns back in his hands
>"It's open season in Hell, old man. Shoot all you want down there."

Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>5801639
>"Something cool."

Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>5801639
Peace out

Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>5801639
"Those are yours."

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>>5801881
>>5801891
>>5802070
>>5802142(winrar)

"Yeah..."
The wind blows...
Weapons at the ready...
"Those are yours."
Clearing your mind, you stare at the enemy.
Waiting for the sign, anxiety builds up.
Sweating. You could die.
But this isn't your hour. It can't be.
After a few minutes that seem like entire weeks, you hear a bell go off, snapping you off your trance.
"DRAW!"
Only one choice left.

>KILL
>KILL!!!
>KILL!!!!!

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>>5802313
YEAHHHHHHHHHH
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TO7DOcrXACc

>>5802313
>Dab

>>5802313
Hmmmm.... tough call.
>Kill!!!
The three exclamation points implies enthusiam, but not an overbearing and/or grating amount. The Goldilocks Zone.

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>>5802319
>>5802357
>>5802445

*BANG*
And then once again...
Silence... Fire... The wind... A quiet nothingness that puts an end to the violence.
The outcome is already decided.

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>>5802462

Exhausted, you look at the enemy as his chest bursts open with a gory explosion, his bullet cutting your cheek...
Duel's over...

36 Chambers
D E A D
https://youtu.be/aRTWsYkP87Y

(Gonna be busy for the rest of today and maybe tomorrow, but congrats for another one down!)

>>5802466
Nice

>>5802466
See you then, man. Thanks for running! Really liking this quest so far: art is great and you're keeping a good balance gameplay-wise with the leadup to the assassins, the fights themselves, and the jobs. Not easy running a NMH quest, so kudos to you! Please don't flake!

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(OP here. Think I'll close this chapter tomorrow. Wanna do something else today. Hope you're enjoying so far.)

>>5804408
Remember to archive properly!

>>5802466
(Sorry, not been feeling very inspired, writing-wise, but the show must go on.)

You stand next to the corpse of your target, another assassin like no other, gone.
Another one down.
In the middle of a desert, in the middle of a burning town. Everyone around was dead. You were completely alone.
No vehicle to get back to the city, either... What now? You're stuck here. Walking out into the desert would be suicide.
For some reason your attention is drawn to a small shack, seemingly untouched by the fire somehow... Heading in, you find a lot of packs of bullets, some guns just laying around... A single phone... A tiny kitchen. Bags. Some old wooden toys.
A picture frame, with an old uncolored photo of a child and his parents, in this same town, during it's better days.
You try using the phone, but it doesn't seem to work.
...The UAA could just abandon you here, and you would certainly die.

You sit outside, feeling compelled to burn the picture for some reason. You throw it on top of number 8's corpse and let the spreading fire do it's job...
Checking you phone, no signal, low on battery... And it's gonna get late very soon. It has been like 3 hours since you got here.
Probably should've brought some water.
Eventually you hear a distant siren.
...It's a fire truck. The town is still burning but there's barely anything left to save here. If there ever was. They drive through the town hall, demolishing it even further. They stop in front of you and hop off.
Of course you recognize the first "fireman" that exits the truck.
"Bishounen..." You mutter to yourself as a freshly-shaven 'Scott' offers you a fresh water bottle. Of course you forget to take it. Easy to get distracted. "Sorry we took so long. Tires popped on the fake fire truck."
"...And before you ask yes we do use that quite a lot."

Quick! Do something before you drop your spaghetti any further!
>Let's go straight to the point this time, ask his name.
>Ask if he knows more about this town or the sand eaters.
>Comment on how it felt like it took them 3 whole days to rescue you.
>Ask if he's also got a sexy fireman costum- NO! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

>>5805472
>Let's go straight to the point this time, ask his name.
now we really need to know it

>>5805472
>Let's go straight to the point this time, ask his name.

>>5805472
>Let's go straight to the point this time, ask his name.
We can only call him 'Bub' for so long

>>5805472
>Let's go straight to the point this time, ask his name.

>>5805472
>>Let's go straight to the point this time, ask his name.

>>5805472
>>Let's go straight to the point this time, ask his name.

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fanart, love nmh and very excited to keep up with this quest op-kun! : 3
>>5805472
>Let's go straight to the point this time, ask his name.

>>5805927
Cool!

>>5805927
very nice, anon. do you have a twitter or something ?

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>>5805485
>>5805490
>>5805517
>>5805558
>>5805845
>>5805914
"So, about your name-" He interrupts with a smug, dry laugh, before briefly glancing at the screen. "Yes, I'm sure the audience is really interested in learning the name of your handsome foil."
...There is a bit of an awkward silence. You scratch your ass hoping he doesn't notice.
"Arthur Bianchi. And yes, that's italian. Don't worry though, I'm not a fascist... Or worse, an italian." He tosses the water bottle at you seeing as you're unable to move to take it. Of course the obvious question comes from you. "...W-Wait what about 'Scott' then? Is that just an alias?"
"Exactomundo, well, more like a nickname I got. I will explain the story another time, we gotta get going before sun goes down, Rank 8." He says with a smirk. "Which, by the way, is your new rank. Congrats. Hope you enjoy the benefits."
"Oh, like...?" You ask with excitement in your voice. To which he responds: "Fuck all! But hey, little number go up~!"
He's right... That funny little number releases the happy chemicals... You like seeing numbers go up...
...Or down. But you're not gonna sweat the details are you? You open that water and drink it up, your throat's been fucking killing you. Can't wait to get out of this shitty desert. "...So how're we gonna get back to Santa Destroy without the Sand Eaters eating us alive or whatever they do-"
"We've got that sorted. We simply emit a specific sound radio on the radio that scares them off." He nonchalantly explains, to your annoyance. "Could've told me that before..."

Soon it's back to the fire truck... You sit next to Scott. Err... Arthur. Yes. Now that you're so close, it's a bit harder to get the words out. Not to mention, that mysterious fucker Neil was driving. Whole situation was kinda awkward. "So... Uh..."

>How about we get that backstory now?
>Ask about 36 Chambers and his old town.
>Who's this Neil guy anyway?
>No but seriously, what ARE sand eaters?
>"...Any good anime you've watched recently?"

>>5804688
(If you mean suptg, first thread is already there, otherwise idk what you mean.)
>>5805927
(Yo, that rocks! Mind if I use it on the next OP, whenever that is? I love seeing how everyone interprets the design)

>>5806470
>Who's this Neil guy anyway?

>>5806470
>Who's this Neil guy anyway?

>>5806470
>Who's this Neil guy anyway?
Armstrong? Gaiman? That famous assassin "Neil 'DeGrassi Knoll' Tyson" who murdered that one famous president?

>>5806470
>(If you mean suptg, first thread is already there, otherwise idk what you mean.)
I meant archiving this thread properly on suptg, but yeah

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>>5806470
of course op-kun! did some more : D hope u like!
>Who's this Neil guy anyway?

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>>5806494
>>5806510
>>5806524
>>5806529
>>5806567 (Woah, cool stuff! Feel kinda bad about the last one though, that was never meant to be his final design. Still, excellent job dude.)
"Neil Desmond... He's an UAA producer. Frankly not sure what that all means. But he's a big cheese, even if his casual attitude probably doesn't show it to you, huh?" Your handler explains, seems a bit odd, but he is right that his attitude doesn't add up. Neither does his appearance. Still, just seeing him causes a visceral reaction of disgust in you for some reason...
He was oddly quiet today though. Even though you've only seen him once as far as you're aware, you feel like he is acting off today. Arthur tries to go a little further with his explanation to keep you from thinking too much probably. "They say he moved back to Santa Destroy after a long absence some time after the Ricotello incident, which I'm sure you've heard of... But yeah, I report to him, and he comes with me when I am on the job. He can be a bit standoffish for sure but... He's like the father figure I never had." Oh... Kay? Bit odd to say that, but you don't pay it too much attention.

In the distance, a whole town burns. And all of it's memories and people return to ash. Return to the earth.
Neil runs over a small wooden sign that said "Old Sandsdale, 20 miles ahead" and with that, it'll be as if it never existed.
36 Chambers and his home probably now live only in your memory. And nobody else's.


You really need to take shit...

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>>5806611

https://youtu.be/sIB_LwtR9sg
[NEW HIGH SCORE !!]
[#1: =============]
[#2: =============]
[#3: =============]
[#4: =============]
[#5: =============]
[#6: =============]
[#7: =============]
[#8: Lynn Lionhunt]]
[X=36 Chambers=X][DEAD]
[#10:XXXXXXXXXXXXXX]

Press Any Button To Continue...

(last post for today... there's something else I gotta do before closing the chapter so sorry no choice this time)

>>5806624
A

>>5806624
let's a go

Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>5806624
Rolling to avoid shitting our pants...

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>>5806611
>>5806624

[Narrator, in a 50's sci-fi radio voice.You know what I'm talking about. Probably.]:
"Meanwhile, low, lower, way below the earth. in a system of caves unknown to everybody on the surface, our uncanny tale of horror continues to unfold..."
"The inhuman beings known as Sand Eaters crawl below the desert just outside of Santa Destroy... Horrible entities, without visible faces, only masks full of spikes embedded into their heads..."
"What are they? What do they want? What drives them...? They await under the sand... And then when they hear somebody over the sand, they attack... The victims are never seen again. Such frightening apparitions remain unexplained and the disappearances remain unsolved...."
"However, dear listener, if you are prepared to hear the most shocking truth, I can tell you the unforgettable reality that shakes the world to it's very core... For you see, the inhuman Sand Eaters... Are on their daily mission..."
"As they take off their masks, their scarves... Their entire outfit is discarded... Revealing the horrifying facts! Behind their dark visage and shaved heads... They are men and women, just like any other...!"
"And once naked, they march as if hypnotized towards the large pyramid at the center of their cave... They do this every day, at tshe same hour, speaking no words to each other... The blood they collected over the day all pours from the top... They climb upwards with their blistered feet marching regardless of anything, even if they bleed, it is merely another sacrifice to their dark god, the monster that has enraptured their minds, the thing that drives them on their endless slaughters, as a wicked form of worship..."
"Their minds twisted beyond anything they once may have been... Lost forever to the servitude of the horror below, waiting to awaken, to fulfill it's true, dreadful purpose...!"
"A dark, forbidden artifact, thought to be lost time! Ought to be gone and never be seen again! Atop the bloody tower, the grinning object sits awaiting it's followers... The cursed THING that will alter the fates of everyone involved in this wicked tale of horror!"

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>>5807474
The lost secret legend... The key to it all... The phantom game console... Sits on top of a barrel... Atop a pyramid of corpses...
The DEATH DRIVE MK II
What will it do, once it is discovered...?
How will it affect the fate of Lynn...?
It's all connected, somehow...

CHAPTER 2: BARRELS
* * END. * *

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>>5807476
>>5807345
You avoided shitting yourself.

(I'm probably not taking a week-long break before the next chapter this time. Any feedback or anything is welcome.)

>>5804688
Someone added it to suptg already, the previous one. I dunno how to do it. But also this thread is still going, can it be archived while still active?

>>5807482
>can it be archived while still active?
Yes

>>5807482
yes, if you wanna.

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>>5807490
>>5807491
Done

>>5807508
You might need this later, but you probably have these individually and in better quality too
https://youtube.com/watch?v=6eanxSWdY_E

>>5808095
I don't. But yeah, might need it later. Thanks.

>>5808104
This is still page 4 and 120something posts in. You can keep going with this thread if you wanted. /qst/ is a slow board so you can do that

>>5808104
If you're still here, take these too
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5OMKQcfPI0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mj1nbiP7xOo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwo2KGrzpas

>>5809460
kek

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OP here! Happy Halloween everyone!
I've been a tad busy, but I'll likely start next chapter tomorrow

>>5813221
But... >>5809323

>>5813271
OP didn't say he'd run it in a new thread

>>5813467
Thanks, I didn't catch that

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https://youtu.be/eW64QXjr5hM
2 down, still a long way to go...
The game starts again!
Lynn Lionhunt has survived thus far, but the shadows of the past linger and prepare to rise.
What awaits ahead...
And what is the reason for the UAA's return?
Can she find the truth?
And... Can she get lucky with that guy?
Probably not but let's see where this crazy ride takes us.

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>>5814317
...But first, where's our main character now?
That's you. That's you now. Back on the player character spot! Wake up!
Early in the morning, waking up, first thing you do is check your messages, your chats, you got some talking done. Talking to people you haven't seen in a while but why bother? Over the phone is better. Less stinky that way. Eri also sent you a PM saying he had some upgrades for your lance if you had cash... You still don't have a lot though. There was also some conversation about indie game recommendations, Co*n Ki*z 64 came up as one that you may try later.

Still, you may as well do something with your day, you still have no info on the next target, but then, you get another message from... Ms. Yozoruchi? That's odd. She rarely ever texts you. And when she does it's either because she has a job offer or an unfunny image macro she just sent to all her contacts.
This time it's different though.
You are having a bit of a blurry vision, must be the sun hitting your eyes or something. You don't have your glasses, but truth is you don't really need them to see, they're just there for the aesthetic... You stand next to the window, all carefree and relaxed, as you read the message. She is asking if you've heard of someone...

"Hello Lynn. I know of your involvement with the UAA. I have a quick business inquiry. Have you heard of an old assassin known as...
>Letz Shake?"
>Destroyman?"

>>5814349
>"Letz Shake?"
Enough Destroyman already! I wanna see this German accent Philippino Michael Jackson fucker again... but wait he was in that upgraded earthquake machine. I still wanna see him again.

>>5814349
>>Destroyman?"
Uh oh

>>5814349
>Letz Shake?"

>>5814349
>>Letz Shake?"

>>5814349
>>Letz Shake?"

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>>5814357
>>5814358
>>5814648
>>5814667
...Letz Shake?"
Of course your answer is No. You didn't know shit about the UAA before this. All that she replies with is a thumbs up emoji, leaving you even more confused than before.
Still, this at least motivates you to do some quick internet searches, and you sure do find a lot of things! Not a lot though, since none of this whole assassin underground circuit is legal, you gotta dig a bit deeper...
Wi*ipedia.
But it is clear that in one way or another, these various individuals have left their mark.
They're just a bunch of insane weirdos to most people, though.
* * [ Chapter 3: Reverberation ] * *

Getting info that'll likely be useless, you learn a lot of names you will likely forget, events of doubtful reality, a certain Sir Henry, and you get so distracted that you are basically jumpscared by your phone suddenly buzzing to show a call from the UAA.
The voice was... Not Arthur. They probably got someone to do calls now. Or it may be some sort of computer. Their voice kinda sucks. Odd accent, too...
"Lynn Lionhunt. You are. Currently ranked 8th. On the UAA Rankings. For your next battle. We will need. A donation of. 25000 LB$."
"We look forward to your progress."

And then, silence.
Well, at least you still hold 5000 LB$ from last time, but you still need to get that cash.
Back into the grind we go! Or not. Maybe let's find your glasses first. Or get changed? You could use a change of style.

>Look for your glasses.
>Change your clothes.
>Wander around the room.

>>5814782
>>Change your clothes

>>5814782
>Change your clothes.
I still can't believe Suda destroyed Henry's character by making it so he joined some cult for whatever dumb reason, then saw the original Thor movie. And the relationship Thor and Loki had in it ended up mindbreaking him out of the secret mindwipe he had undergone when he was a boy, done to him by weird lock aliens or some cryptic weirdoes like that. And he got so batshit insane from that and from his original voice Quinton Flynn being set up for controversy, that he became an American like Travis and went all the way to eventually canonically killing him. If only Travis wasn't Deus Ex Machina'd by his two kids at the end of the worst game in the series filled with the most self-indulgent Suda 51 masturbation possible.

Wait what? Oh right, clothes change and off to work

>>5814782
>Look for your glasses.

>>5814782
>Destroyman
>Letz Shake
>Bad Man
>Skelter Helter
>Literally Who?????????
There are a bunch of assassins that didn't get enough character or screentime. Million Gunman, Cloe Walsh, and Ryuji come to mind from 2. Harvey totally survived his death in 1 too, and he's the only one from 1 I can think of that fits as a potential return for this quest. 3 takes place 2 years after TSA, which is 7 years after 2, which is 3 years after 1. That's a total of 12 years between NMH1 and 3, and 9 years between NMH2 and 3.

>>5814782
>Change your clothes.
hmm I thought the dot thing was from whoever was talking to us on phone

>>5814782
>>Look for your glasses.

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>>5814790
>>5814896 (oh boy)
>>5814900
>>5815288
>>5815473
You go to the closet and change into your favorite FUCK RACISM hoodie. It's a reference to the band Red Orca. It's also one of the few things you got now. Maybe you could get different shirts themed after various indie games or just cool designs eventually. Some might even give you a bonus of some kind... But you'd probably need to ask that furry degenerate VVOLFSLEYR for more info on that. Still can't find your glasses though... Just gotta be careful not to step on them.
You tie up your hair and still have that strange feeling like you're missing something. It may just be your imagination though, reading about all those old assassins and their horror stories would make anybody's spine tingle a bit. Not you though, you got a thick skin! Made of metal!
Not really. But you have survived this far at least. Hearing about some weirdo killing his family after snapping doesn't quite unsettle you as much as it would to the normal person, or at least, you'd like to think that...
Walking through the room calmly, you find your glasses on that cursed bean-shaped Ast*lfo doll you keep inside your fridge. You keep telling yourself it's gonna be hilarious when somebody opens up and sees it, but you never have anyone over in this apartment...
Well, why worry about your priorities now?
Let's focus on the present.
Or the near future, actually. You need that cash.
>Go to the job center right away.
>Head out, but go somewhere else first.
>Stay at the apartment for a while, you may be missing something.

>>5815634
>FUCK RACISM hoodie
N I G G E R
>Go to the job center right away.
Let's keep this up and see how long we can go with the funny red dot. Imagine if we come across a cat and it keeps batting at the red laser pointer on her head, and that's what outs the sniper

>>5815634
>>Stay at the apartment for a while, you may be missing something.
Nooooooo not the racism hoodie

>>5815634
>>Head out, but go somewhere else first.

>>5815634
>Go to the job center right away.

(OP here, sorry can't get the next update today. Tomorrow I'll try to send it earlier than usual to compensate.)

>>5815634
>You go to the closet and change into your favorite FUCK RACISM hoodie.
Yet she wonders why she isn't getting laid.

>Stay at the apartment for a while, you may be missing something.
Unless she plans to get a job as a university receptionist, barista, or retail worker, she isn't getting a job with that hoodie.

>>5816191
>Yet she wonders why she isn't getting laid.
Travis has two kids with Sylvia and he wore that FUCK RACISM hoodie too. I think it works better for him than Lynn here

>>5815634
>>Stay at the apartment for a while, you may be missing something.

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glad to see ya back, op-kun!

>Stay at the apartment for a while, you may be missing something.

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>>5815641
>>5815669
>>5815717
>>5815880
>>5816191
>>5816441
>>5816453
>>5816478
Yeah... Something feels wrong.
Clothes, underwear, glasses, shoes, check... Oh, of course. You were missing your Justice Piercer. Can't get much killing done without it.
You climb the shelf and grab it, ignore that OP forgot to change the design on this drawing, and then you are ready to go.
All feelings of uneasiness are now gone for sure. Right? Everything seems in place. Time to leave.
Looking out the window you notice two things...
1: The same hobo from last time is still there.
2: There's an abandoned motorcycle just sitting there in parking lot. Maybe you should use it. Finders keepers and all that.

So, let's head back into Santa Destroy!
But where are we headin'?
>K*Job Center, get the cash ASAP.
>Destroy Memorial Park.
>To see your master, Pimpslap McGraw
>Eri's Workshop, upgrades ahoy!
>Go get some rad shirts.

>>5816583
>the FUCK RACISM hoodie has a meme arrow > on the back, so it's
>FUCK RACISM
instead
Nice
>ignore that OP forgot to change the design on this drawing
It's ok we forgive you

>K*Job Center, get the cash ASAP
Need that money
There are 3 armored goona in the room right now. I hope they saw Lynn strip naked lol

>>5816583
>>Go get some rad shirts.

>>5816592
>There are 3 armored goona in the room right now. I hope they saw Lynn strip naked lol
If they don't at least whistle then we have sad tits :(

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>>5816592
She did not get naked she just put the hoodie on top, silly anon

>>5816583
>>K*Job Center, get the cash ASAP.

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>>5816592
>>5816650
>>5816768
You want to get some cool shirts, but the world runs on money.
You exit the apartment, destination set in your mind as you swing the door open, the fresh yet scummy air gives you a new sense of freedom as you adventure into the-
"PRRRRR!!!"
A cat rushes towards you, jumping at your head and knocking you down to the floor as you panic and try to get the small fluffy animal off of you, as it seems to chase... A red dot? A red dot coming from the window. Oh, you've seen this in movies. Also there's... Ninjas on your ceiling? At least they kinda look like ninjas. Whatever, shit's no good.
You should probably run. Or maybe not? You are totally surrounded again. Not a new experience but that doesn't make it any better.
You could try to confront them but... Would that be wise? They're ninjas. Maybe.
Fight or Flight?
>Haul ass to the motorcycle and drive away.
>Battle the ninjas, while dodging the sniper.

>>5816583
>K*Job Center, get the cash ASAP.

>>5816824
>Haul ass to the motorcycle and drive away.

>>5816824
>>Haul ass to the motorcycle and drive away.

>>5816824
>>Haul ass to the motorcycle and drive away.

>>5816824
>Haul ass to the motorcycle and drive away.

>>5816829
>>5816836
>>5816892
>>5816944
You ride away into town on the motorcycle that someone left there, rushing to the job office, leaving your room behind as you hear gunshots, and other violent sounds...
You just hope they don't break your shit...

...Some time later, back at the K*Job office, you see Ms. Yozoruchi is back in front, and she coldly greets you... There's no need for further talking. You just got away from many attempts at your life, and you need cash. It's a mutual understanding.
So...
What will you choose this time?

>Sewer Pipe Cleaning (level 1)
>Assassination Mission (level 1)
>Cat Finder (level 1)

(Last update for today.)

>>5816960
>Cat Finder (level 1)

>>5816960
>Cat Finder (level 1)
We found one on the way out, we can find a dozen more!

>>5816960
>Cat Finder (level 1)

>>5816960
>>Cat Finder (level 1)

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>>5817004
>>5817009
>>5817152
>>5817265
Finding lost cats should be easy enough.
Taking the job, you head to the location, where a man tells you about all the cats going around, about how there's some lost ones, and all those things. "May the God of Cats smile upon you" he says. Well, you sure hope it does.

Cat Finder (Lv. 1)
"Cats are sneaky animals, and they like to get lost. This time old Miss Shelly left the window open like the senile old woman she is. Or maybe she's just pretending. Honestly I feel like she is faking many illnesses for government money. Why else would she have that big ass TV or offer money for finding the cats she may have consciously let escape? Whatever, go get them..."

https://youtu.be/unkD8uvxfMI
Alright, let's go. Cats should be better than scorpions at least... Right?
It's a simply task, find the cats.
Really, feels almost free! Though... Maybe you shouldn't let your guard down so easily yet. There are things around here that are not cats. That is important to remember.
And also, cats can be a handful if you make them upset. Luckily you have one of those feathery cat toys. That should help...

>There are CATS around here. The mission is easy: Using whatever you have to, draw a circle around EVERY Cat, or every thing you believe IS a Cat. Be careful not to touch the cat while circling them. And do not circle something unless you are 100% it is a cat. Marking something that is not a cat will reduce your score. Good luck.

>>5817755
strange, but here it is

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>>5817810
dunno why the image wasn't sent

>>5817811
+1

>>5817811
>>5817835
Final answer?

>>5817968
yes and it seems other haven't found anything more

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>>5817811
>>5817835
>>5818009

Well it sure seems like cats are deceptive and mischievous as always. Though they get into all sorts of places, with patience and attention you soon start approaching them...
And man, it seems like they didn't want to be found. Not only that but they're making it dangerous to approach too. There was an alligator hidden in the bushes! You manage to avoid them, and also avoid a weirdo with a cat onesie. And a dog. And a scorpion.
Maybe most of them were not so well hidden this time. It's just level 1. But after approximately 3 hours you feel like you've got them all.

So... Job Successful!
7/8
B RANK
You got 14000 LB$
(New total: 19000 LB$)
(Next battle: 25000 LB$)

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>>5818050
Well now that just won't cut it, will it?
Ah well, that's just how it is on this bitch of an earth. You may take another side job, or take a break and go somewhere else.
Maybe go back home to see if the ninjas are gone? I dunno, you tell me.
All you know is that's been enough cat action for today.

>Take the Sewer Pipe Cleaning job (level 1)
>Take the Assassination Mission (level 1)
>Head to the park for a break from this shit.
>Try to get shirts again, or find out more about them.
>Go check your weapon and maybe other tech stuff.
>Visit the wise old pimp who gives you new moves.

>>5818063
>>Try to get shirts again, or find out more about them.

>>5818063
>Try to get shirts again, or find out more about them.

>>5818063
>Try to get shirts again, or find out more about them.
SHIRTS SHIRTS SHIRTS

>>5818063
>Try to get shirts again, or find out more about them.
We gotta have at least one hideously otaku piece of apparel in our wardrobe

>>5818063
>Try to get shirts again, or find out more about them.
Something that shows off the tits

>>5818063
>>Try to get shirts again, or find out more about them.

(update may be late today, sorry)

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>>5818084
>>5818131
>>5818277
>>5818311
>>5818382
>>5818718
You walk around, motivated to find something cool.
Someone's trash must be your treasure, as you go and viciously kick a garbage container until a shirt comes flying out.

It's a Jeane shirt!
...You know? Jeane? The cat?
Whatever, it's yours now.
It has nothing special. Just a shirt with a picture of Jeane.
...Huh.

>Wear it!
>Nah.

(Tomorrow I'll update good instead of playing vidya all day.)

>>5819494
I fucking hate this cat so much. They get Thunder Ryu happily killed in 1, become a fatass in 2, become a mega bitch in TSA, and then become boring as hell in 3. There's better cats in life than this shitter.
>Nah.

>>5819494
>Nah.
and imagine what other sort of Jeane shirts there could be, if any

>>5819494
>Nah.

>>5819494
>Wear it!

>>5819494
>>Nah

>>5819494
>>Nah

>>5819494
>Nah

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>>5819497 (Rude.)
>>5819529
>>5819582
>>5819585
>>5820253
>>5820564
>>5820835
"Hm... Nah" You decide to not wear it, and save it for later. Or never. Who knows and who cares. You live alone, no one will bug you for collecting shirts you never use.
You do, however, wonder what other Jeane shirts there could be. Or any sort of merch. Hm...

Well, you are still on your epic shirt quest, and so you end up at the one place you know that'll give you discounts.
Mostly because you know the owner.
And well, if you can ever call it that. She just sleeps in a tent and does her business by simply putting down an old desk and setting up her wares somewhere visible. This isn't really a 'proper' way to set up shop but for some reason the cops don't do anything. Maybe they're afraid. Then again they never DO anything. Are there even cops in Santa Destroy? Whatever. Place's pretty much lawless anyway.
And there she was. Cornelia Poppadopolos.
"..." You stare for a second. Yeah that's her alright. Your 'friend' if you can call them that. They're more like someone you regularly talk to, but dread seeing in person. And something isn't adding up once again. "W-Wait hold up, I though VVOLFSLEYR was the NPC in charge of the shirts." Glancing at the screen, you both shrug and then she rapidly explains, shuffling her deck of cards. "He sold 'em all to me. Whole stock. Now I sell them. He said he had to go pursue his autisti- Err, artistic passions. Probably gotta paint some futa hentai on the side of a children's hospital, the madman."
Yeah sounds like him alright.

The radio softly plays a song: https://youtu.be/0pETl0LAqrU
"So, what services can I offer ya, Lynn? I got Bizarre Jelly, Neo-X Dino-dominator, Deathman, Santa Destroy designs, Jeane merch line... Or the special~"
(You may select more than one.)
>Buy "Bizarre Jelly 5" Shirt (100 LB$)
>Buy "DESUMAN" Shirt (100 LB$)
>Buy "Santa Destroy Flag" Shirt (100 LB$)
>Buy "Patriotic Eagle" Shirt (100 LB$)
>Buy "Chiller7" Shirt (100 LB$)
Or alternatively
>Buy "The Special": 'Professional' Fortune Telling. (500 LB$)

>>5820918
>>Buy "Patriotic Eagle" Shirt (100 LB$)

>>5820918
>>Buy "The Special": 'Professional' Fortune Telling. (500 LB$)

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(Yeah this isn't the most exciting thing but at least it makes for an easy update. BTW you can just reply to other posts if you agree with them. I guess. Still not too sure how shops should work but we ball.)

>>5820918
>(Rude.)
BITCH I'M FUCKING RIGHT, SHUT UP
>Buy "Patriotic Eagle" Shirt (100 LB$)
AMERICAHHHHHHH
FUCK YEAAAAAAHH

>>5820918
>Buy "The Special": 'Professional' Fortune Telling. (500 LB$)

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>>5820930
>>5821041
>>5821124
>>5821152

(New total: 18,400 LB$)

"Ah, good choice. That's my favorite one I got now." She says as she hands it to you.
Sure is a shirt! "Try it on, it's got a special effect!" Yeah surely she's just trying to sell it to you.
But you bought it already. The design is cheesy, but charming. At least to you.
You put it on... And instantly hear a voice cry out:
"AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!"
You look at Cornelia, deadpan and confused.
"...Is that all it does?"
"Yup! Don't ya love it?"
You prefer not to answer, and fork over more LB$s for the useless fortune telling:

She shuffles her cards. No, these are not tarot cards, just regular french suit. She likes shuffling them to look serious.
You've done this bullshit before, so you extend your hand... And she slaps a 7 of Clubs on your hand. "OW! H-Hey!"
"Psst! Shush... I see it."
"In your future... Short term..." She tries to sound dramatic. Day seems to turn to night for no reason. "Yes... Conflict... Great loss and tragedy. Oh my... But you, might survive... If you remember who you are..."
...The sunlight goes back to normal. Must've been a cloud.
"...That it?" You ask, feeling scammed as ever. She cheerfully says "Yup! You're welcome! Take care, a'ight?"

Well then.
So where to next?
>Go take another job. Maybe they have something else now.
>Keep spending money, go to Eri's workshop.
>Go visit your old master. Well not that old.
>Aimlessly wander around Santa Destroy some more.

(last for today)

>>5821205
>Go visit your old master. Well not that old.
Gotta show off the new shirt!

>>5821218
+1

>>5821205
>>Go visit your old master. Well not that old.

>>5821205
>Keep spending money, go to Eri's workshop
Captcha: TRYM0M

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>>5821218
>>5821384
>>5821853
>>5822275

Going through town riding your second stolen motorcycle, you see people walking around and going who knows where, like aimless NPCs just there to make the map feel less empty and dead. You could probably run them over with no consequence. You don't. But it still makes you feel strange. An assassin, a hero has no reason not to do whatever they want right? There's no cops around, as previously mentioned... Just total freedom.
If you were to snap for whatever reason and go killing everything that moves. would anyone stop you?

Maybe Pimpslap McGraw would. It'd be like Episode 3: Revenge of the S**t.
Though you hope it never reaches that point...
Finally you reach his place, his "secret pimp hideout" as the neon sign outside proudly and ironically declares. You do the secret knock, and go in.
He was sitting on his "throne", just a couch with decorations. The place looked even dirtier than last time.
You decide to show off your cool new shirt. "Hey, master, take a look!"
"AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!"
He stays silent for an uncomfortably long minute, before giving you a thumbs up. "Nice. Gonna get old quick tho..."
"So, whatcha here for this time, lil' mouse? You survived 'nother Ranked fight. Suppose my moves were useful, eh? Hah. Told ya..."

>Ask if he's ever had any trouble with the UAA or any assassins like these.
>You were just tired and wanted to rest somewhere after a home invasion.
>Ask what's the word on the streets, if he knows any interesting happenings.

>>5822400
>Ask if he's ever had any trouble with the UAA or any assassins like these.

>>5822426
+1

>>5822400
>>Ask what's the word on the streets, if he knows any interesting happenings.

(Next update will have to be tomorrow I'm tired. I aim for at least 2 updates a day but y'know)

>>5822400
>>Ask if he's ever had any trouble with the UAA or any assassins like these.
A proper America Fuck Yeah shirt is skintight!

>>5822400
>Ask if he's ever had any trouble with the UAA or any assassins like these.
His input on them might be useful.

>>5822400
>Ask what's the word on the streets, if he knows any interesting happenings.

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>>5822426
>>5822431
>>5822504
>>5823261
>>5823404
>>5823423
You decide to break the silence with something that'd been on your mind for some time. "So, you've met any of these UAA freaks before? Since you're so sure they are bad news."
He laughs at the idea, of course he did. Boy has he got stories to tell.
Why did you even ask... Now he won't shut up.
"Guess I couldn't be subtle 'bout it... Yeah, we've history, me and the association." He puts his arm around you as he paints a picture, probably changing some details to make himself sound cooler. "See, when I was a young'un, like barely 20-somethin', I was already hustlin', tusslin' and pimpin' like none other. Gettin' bitches, gettin' POWER... But when the old types feel threaten'd, ooh that's where trouble starts."
"They sent god knows how many hitmen to get me... Before I realized I was kung-fu-in' mofos day and night, it was exhaustin'... And they tried to get me with their trick. If you kill an UAA hitman, you immediately enter their twisted game, so I had to leave 'em alive... Kinda annoyin' when they hop back up time and time again to finish the job!"
"Eventually... I managed to get them off my trail..."
"But even now, I must keep my distance from the world. Just to be sure." Hard to tell with his big ass hat and shades but after some time, he seems a little wistful remembering all this "...That's why I need to hide out."
"...But it's way too early in the game for me to yap any further 'bout my tragic backstory. Back to you, eh lil' mouse?"
True...
You could say you have enough with your own tragic backstory.

After resting there for a minute you calm down and ask... "So, any rumors you've heard? Anything useful?" He sits back down, cane on his hand and a cheeky smile. "Pretty sure next assassin's someone I saw before... I think... Though the logistics of it puzzle me the fuck off."
"Watch out for 'em. They have ass big barks, and a venomous bite..."
Ominous!

>Ask if he's gonna teach you a move this time.
Or...
He's done enough, thank him and let's leave to...
>Workshop
>Job Office
>Home?

>>5823668
>Ask if he's gonna teach you a move this time.

>>5823668
>>Ask if he's gonna teach you a move this time.

>>5823668
>>Ask if he's gonna teach you a move this time.

>>5823668
>Ask if he's gonna teach you a move this time.
He'd love hearing how the move from last time helped us beat the 8th assassin

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>>5823676
>>5823746
>>5823906
>>5823916

"So, gonna teach me any cool moves now, eh?" You say with a self-assured, slightly smarmy smirk.
He stares in silence for a full minute, his expression unchanging.

...Before he kicks you out of the building with a joyful smile.
"Whatcha' think I'm sum kinda super-move kung-fu dispensin' NPC mofo? Get outta here, 'fore I lose my swagger, foo'...!"
All you can say in response is simply "Ow. you'd follow that with "My fucking asshole." but you're too busy trying to get back up.
Still... Kicking someone through a door's gotta be some kinda move.
Right.
Let's go with that.

Where to now? Not many options.
>Workshop, got one NPC left to talk to.
>Job Office, need more money for the fight.

(Last for today)

>>5823938
>Workshop, got one NPC left to talk to.

>>5823938
>Workshop, got one NPC left to talk to.

>>5823938
>Workshop, got one NPC left to talk to.
Do we have enough upgrade money? We'll have to work a job again for the next ranking fight's entry fee

>>5823938
>>Workshop, got one NPC left to talk to.

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>>5823945
>>5823971
>>5824071 (18,400 LB$ currently )
>>5824486
Alright, let's get everything checked first... Eri may have something new for you.
You don't really look forward to meeting them, last time was pretty crummy, even if you got the repair for free.
You knock on the door...
...And are pleasantly surprised to see someone smiling at you for once. A bit shocked, even.
"Heeey! Lynn~! How're ya?" It was still the same guy, but he had certainly cleaned up his act a bit. Or at least his appearance. Much more cheerful too... They also had a bit of a valley girl way to talk now, which just wasn't there before.
Regardless of that you're here for business, right... Gotta get to the point, this place smells like cum.
"Yo, got any upgrades or anything?" You say trying to look past him to see where the stink comes from like an absolute idiot. He moves to give you a hug instead. Weird.
Would you let him t o u c h?
>Sure, could use some affection in this pissditch world.
>Nah we're good on human contact for now, get to the point.

>>5824562
>Sure, could use some affection in this pissditch world
>But don't fucking grope him you stupid fujoshi
>And don't fucking press him against you down there either
Treat it like practice for the future man of our dreams...
https://youtube.com/watch?v=EIWHvPP0U64

>>5824562
>>Sure, could use some affection in this pissditch world.

>>5824562
>Nah we're good on human contact for now, get to the point.

>>5824562
>Sure, could use some affection in this pissditch world.

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>>5824573
>>5824633
>>5824655
>>5824752
For some reason, you think there is no point in resisting.
A moment of weakness, of vulnerability. Unexpected. Makes you feel strange. You know this weirdo in what's possibly the worst way to know somebody but here we are, an unavoidable, yet oddly genuine tender moment, huh...
When's the last time you've had something like this?
It's so strange.
You are stunned for a bit.
Where did you come from anyway? Doesn't matter, does it? Let's keep this professional.
With a blush and an awkward coughing fit you try to regain your composure.
"...Any upgrades? Or something?"
He asks you to follow him without any words, and as you go in (and see some shit you probably shouldn't see. No big deal.
When you get to the workshop, he reveals the surprise: A new Beam Lance model!
"Got this recently, figured you'd like it! ...Won't be free though. Let's say we start on like... 20000 LB$?"
...That's almost as much as last ranked fight! You can't fucking afford that! At least, not now...
"...A-Anything else?" You nervously ask, only for him to reply, back to a much less cheerful tone. "You're shit out of cash aren't you."
"I-I have some! Just... Not enough."
"Well, I won't tell you to get a job, but you know, I'd expect an assassin to rake in the dough..." He shrugs lightly. "Aside from that I've got nothing. You should move on to your next battle."
He wants to say 'so I can fap to it'. As a joke. Or not. Thankfully you cannot read minds to find out.
"...Take care out there."
You want to say 'you too', but can't bring yourself to do it.
So, back on the bike, and off you go...

Let's skip ahead a bit here since there's only one real thing left to do: You gotta do another side job. Which one to choose?
>Sewer Pipe Cleaning (level 1)
>Assassination Mission (level 1)
>Scorpion Catcher (level 2)

>>5824828
>Sewer Pipe Cleaning (level 1)
Yeah.
Clean those dirty pipes.
Nice and deep like.

>>5824828
>Sewer Pipe Cleaning (level 1)

>>5824828
>Sewer Pipe Cleaning (level 1)
Eventually we'll get those pipes so clean we can do Tony Hawk combos on them
>that hug scene
Surprisingly nice, but we're not developed in character, stats, or assets to be able to hug back yet

>>5824828
>>Assassination Mission (level 1)

>>5824828
>>Sewer Pipe Cleaning (level 1)

(I got really fucking sick, dunno if i'll be able to update today)

>>5825641
Get well soon

>>5825641
Take it easy.

https://youtu.be/c5DgPdZ3SVw
sorry about that i'll try to update tomorrow

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(I survived the common fever. Updates will go back to normal now... In theory.)
>>5824868
>>5824904
>>5825221
>>5825293
>>5825570

Well, job time, cleaning the sewers is definitely not the most glamorous or clean or comfortable job... But someone's gotta do it. Unfortunately, that someone is you.
So it's time to...

Lay The Pipe (Lv. 1)
"The renovations on the city really only took care of the top layer and above, the underground is still absolutely fucked, and some weird alien substances have seeped down here and mutated some rats into man-eating, man-sized abominations that really don't help matters since no one wants to come down here which means the pipes are in a terrible state. Fix them so people can go back to drinking their contaminated tap water like normal."

https://youtu.be/BkTXTkNb6OE
Let's go- Aw man, this place is a mess.
Yeah I have no clue where to start with this shit. You're on your own.
If you think of it like a videogame it may be easier!

>You know how this shit goes, probably. Make a path so the water goes from the start to finish. You can only move the blue squares, you can also rotate them 90 degrees. It is not necessary to use all pipes in the map. You can use an image editing thing or write the order you want or whatever, as long as it gets the point across.
>Also don't touch the giant mutant rat, he's ugly.
(I'll see if anyone's got it in the morning)

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>>5829508
I vote to pet the giant mutant rat and you can't stop me

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>>5829508
Fuck that rat.

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>>5829571
>>5829634

Not the cleanest job (get it?) but as heavy as those pipes are there's enough to work with, so it takes a while, but you can do it.
You also attempt to touch the giant mutant rat, but it tries to bite your arm off. You decide not to go near the rat. And hope it never gets out of the sewers
With the pipes clean and organized just in time, the water starts flowing again.
Let's go!

Job Successful!
2 solutions
S RANK
You got 18000 LB$
(New total: 36400 LB$)
(Next battle: 25000 LB$)