awww shieeeet nigga I'm agent No Name. When is this battle starting?

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>>5421634
Well the actual war's happening alllll the way over sector fivehundredthingamajig. Don't need to worry about that.

For now

>>5421642
Should we check our emails?

>>5421642
Let's take another look at our recently acquired loot

Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>5421642
It really would be a shame if a huge wormhole the size and shape of Texas were to show up and instantly transport us across space and time into the thick of a interplanetary battle between two space naval fleets,

Wouldn't that be just so wacky?

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5421642
let's go, plot a course and jump to the next sector

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>>5421656
Plotting course to next sector

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5421673
GREENGREENGREENGREENGREEN

Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>5421673
Green

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>>5421675
Roll 2d100. First number is to see who gets picked. Second number is what kinda shit it is:
80-100: oh sweet free stuff
40-79: Event
20-39: Enemy Encounter
10-19: Worse Event
2-9: Space Monster
1: oh no

Rolled 91, 18 = 109 (2d100)

>>5421681
Lets roll shit

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>>5421682

Rolled 88, 55 = 143 (2d100)

>>5421681
Fuuuuuuuu-

Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>5421681
Rollen
>>5421682
Gustaf? Is that you?

>>5421688
Eeeeh.

>>5421684
GAAAAAAAAAAAAA THERE IS A FUCKING BALL THERE SHOOT SHOOT IT NOW AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>5421690
How about you roll anon?

Rolled 34, 13 = 47 (2d100)

>>5421681

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WARNING WARNING: ENGINE FAILURE

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>5421696
QUICKLY PRESS THE BRIGHTEST BUTTONS WE CAN FIND, THAT SHOULD FIX IT... I THINK.

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>>5421696
Crew skill issue
We must descend to the engine block with haste

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>>5421697
Pressing the brightest button on the screen....orders the maintenance crew to take care of it. In the mean time, the ship will be unable to move until the problem, whatever it is, is fixed

Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>5421700
Damn, shoot a message to the engineers and ask them what the fuck happened? Are they going on strike for raises or something? Maybe we should make a quick prayer to space Cthulhu for luck.

Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5421700
Great, now go into cryopod and sleep until whatever it is, is it's fixed

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>>5421704
Sadly you didn't splurge on getting a fancy cryopod during character creation

Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>5421704
Oversee the repairs to make sure the engine doesn't go boom.

Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>5421710
Lets just go and shoot it

Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>5421710
Go down to engineering and see what went wrong with the engine.

I swear to god if the engineers are on strike again, I'm gonna lose it.

They always complain about how they can't feed their families, like bro, just eat.

File: 1662695326389913.gif (1.55 MB, 1280x720)

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>>5421710
FUCK
literally unplayable

>>5421713
Are you planning on shooting the engine core until it works?

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>>5421713
How can you shoot a cryopod that you don't even own? C'mon anon get real

>>5421710
Let's socialize with our fellow named characters

>>5421723
Shoot OP instead

Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>5421723
No, its time to get fake, like this rebellion's ideals!
Go and see what went wrong with the engine!

>>5421720
Yeah, kinetic power and all that

Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>5421723
Check the engine yourself

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>>5421731
The crew you sent down there hasn't respond either, better go check it out then

>>5421737
press that button harder so the elebator arrives better, faster

Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>5421737
Gun at the ready
Helmet on frowny face mode
Portable Joseph, deployed

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Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>5421740
For seemingly no reason.

Roll 1d100

Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>5421750
Damn

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Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>5421750
Ah shit, here we go again.

Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>5421750
don't tell me that one of the crew ate alien eggs and the engine room is now a xeno hive...

>>5421755
Could be worse, could be adeptus mechanicus trying to free the engine.

>>5421759
The engine spirit is not amused!

>>5421755
Also our crewmates don't have stomachs

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>>5421753
"Oh hey chief. Yeah we found out what the problem was. The ship got infected with a rare species of space critter. It managed to chew through some of the engine room's systems, hence the failures. But don't worry, we managed to hunt it down and contain it before it could properly feed and make a whole hive down here. Who knows what problems could it cause by then!"

Rolled 49, 90 = 139 (2d100)

>>5421772
Good work, sailor. Best send down the marines to scour the ship proper to make sure this is actually the case.

>>5421772
Insist on checking if it's really the case.

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>>5421777
You send down the closest equivalent you have to Imperial Spess Marines: your 2 field agents Joseph and Luke

Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>5421786
Cool. While they do that, lets shoot that thing out of the airlock and be done with it.

>>5421786
Burn the alien and then throw it into the sun.

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5421786
Oh, and do please send our little stowaway to R&D as soon as possible. If this one little guy could cause us this much trouble in so little time, *Get up close to the container and tap on the glass* imagine it’ll do to those trash buckets of rebel ships.

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>>5421788
See ya, strange space critter

Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>5421804
…What is the possibility that we could tame the beast?

Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>5421804
PRESS THE BUTTON

KILL IT

XENO SCUM

Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>5421804
Wait a second, we didn't stop at any planet recently, how did this thing get on board? It must be capable of surviving and traveling through space, and chewing through our hull, right? Make sure it's dead before we shoot it out the airlock, or it might just come back.

>>5421808
But anon! What about bio warfare? Using Xenomorths? Making a good soup?!

>>5421815
MANKIND NEEDS NO FILTHY XENOS HELP TO KILL.

>>5421819
Can we at least save it until we get to a rebel planet, then torpedo it to it?!

>>5421821
IT'S TOO DANGEROUS TO BE LEFT ALIVE.

KILL IT NOW, ONE LESS XENO IN THE UNIVERSE.

>>5421824
but you might not be killing it by shoving it out the airlock, we should kill it properly...

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>>5421808

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>5421828
Good riddance, tell someone on the bridge to fire a torpedo at it. Blow it the fuck up to kingdom come.

Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5421828
now shoot it with the Battleship Guns

>>5421832
bro can you stop hogging the high rolls holy crap

>>5421825
I am correcting this error on my part...

>>5421833
The dice gods hate xenos too, I am the vessel for their concentrated hatred apparently.

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>>5421832
"An entire torpedo? Isn't that a bit wasteful?"

"Can't we shoot it with a beam or something"

Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>5421839
We have guns, use those instead.

Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>5421839
No, only a torpedo is a fit enough weapon to kill something this vile.

EXECUTE THE COMMAND.

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>>5421841
"Pssst...would this be a good time to remind him that we didn't get any space torpedoes during character creation?"

"Eh. Just load up a high explosive shell in the ship cannon, he won't be able to tell"

Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>5421848
KABOOM

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Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>5421850
pssshheeeewwwww

Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>5421855
GLORY TO MANKIND.

DEATH TO XENOS.

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>>5421859

>>5421863
Excellent work team, xeno annihilated. Ship secure. Glory attained.

Lets see how Joseph and Luke and doing on their end of things, no more xenos I hope?

Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5421863
>>5421865
Forgot roll lel.

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Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>5421866
Roll 2d100. First number is to see who gets picked. Second number is against my roll

Rolled 20, 25 = 45 (2d100)

>>5421868
wow these alien bugs suck

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>>5421869
"All good, boss. Did a clean sweep of everything and burned all remaining traces of bug DNA. It won't bother us anymore"

Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>5421874
Sick, let's repair this engine and get out of here

Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>5421874
Good work team, as a reward you get an extra cup of pudding each to eat during lunch hour at the cafeteria.

Engineers how are the repairs coming?

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>>5421876
>>5421877
Repairs should be done soon. About when....OP wakes up. It is now 5 AM. I gotta go.

Thread continues in like, iunno, 10 hours or something. Maybe more

Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5421879
I roll to give OP good dreams.

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>>5421880

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>>5421868
Joseph is too cool for OP's shit dice. I wish we were cool like Joseph.
>>5421879
Goodnight, OP. You better not be sleeping in our stolen cryopod.

>>5421879
Why does brother look like he just finished taking a fat piss in the fire?

>>5422413
Judging by the smoke there may have been a fire, so draw your own conclusions.

>>5422824
Already have.
Has anyone seen OP?

>>5422825
OP is a sleepy boi, let him RIP for a while.

Once again we are cucked out of adventure due to OP's faggotry.

Too busy with xeno dick to run gamae. Classic OP.

>>5424011
Back from the dead, OP?
>Continue gaem

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>>5424015
AND THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT

>>5424018
Eat it, Skeletons are an excellent source of calcium.

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>>5424021
Oh shit

>>5424023
Do not the gun, Guns are an excellent source of Lead and Death.

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>>5424025
do not what now

Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>5424026
do not delay the quest any longer you lazy fuck, continue where we left off

Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>5424026
Offer the skeleton a bridge position. Perhaps security? If things go wrong, they don't have to worry about hull punctures from the gun.

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>>5424029
Right of course. You have successfully jettisoned the offending space critter and engine repairs are underway.

Surely nothing can go wrong

Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>5424037
Of course. Go play on skullstation while we wait for repairs.

Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5424037
If nothing can go wrong then play some good music

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Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>5424046
Roll 1d100 against your music player

Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>5424054
Play some glorious Empire music

Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>5424054
Play some soothing music (the nerfed version)

Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>5424054
soothing glorious empire music

Rolled 100 (1d100)

I missed like few threads, there is still no Quattro?
>>5424037
>>5424046
something classic like
https://youtu.be/2spDRJN1s9E?t=26

>>5424061
Dicegod appreciates goshogun

>>5424061
Quattro is a myth

>>5424065
A myth, a legend.
What a guy

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>>5424056
>>5424057
>>5424059
>>5424061
Nothing like good ol' Empire music to fill you with patriotic fervor.

Fill in the blanks yourself for what constitutes as Empire Music.

Personally i go for this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KysITV4t5E

Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>5424069
since it's too patriotic, everyone drops their job and stands with salute to appreciate the hymn.

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>>5424070

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>5424069
The song does such a good job at inspiring everyone that efficiency goes up 70%

Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>5424074
30 minutes later everyone with renewed patriotism gets back to work.
Also your lunch is done too.

Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>5424074
UH OH, LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE JUST CHALLANGED UD TO A RAP BATTLE

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>>5424076
Luke made you a hotdog

Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>5424081
He made everyone hotdogs.
Without any vegetables

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>5424081
Hotdogs are an excellent source of protein, Enjoy the hotdog.

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>5424081
Needs ketchup. Let's get some.

Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>5424081
Add some ketchup then realize we are wearing a helmet and cant eat it.

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>>5424088
Don't be silly. All Imperial Operatives are trained in the ancient art of eating through a helmet

Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>5424090
>>5424084

Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>5424090
Well then, do it. EAT THE DOG.

Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>5424090
consume hotdogs with gusto

Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>5424090
>>5424091
It's true. We unhinge our jaw like so and thennn....

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>>5424091
The less veggies there are, the more the crew can enjoy Luke's juicy sausage

>>5424097
"Wait, how do the three of you eat with your mask on?"

Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>5424097
>>5424101

Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>5424097
>>5424101
what mask

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much apolagogies. i uh, gotta go now, work shit, will continue bread when....iunno, when i can

>>5424128
good luck with your gulag shift, OP

>>5424128
*muah*

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>>5424128
It's ok OP, I still love you.

File: 1.png (25 KB, 800x800)

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>>5424111

Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>5425232
Finish the sausages in one synchronized bite.

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>>5425234

>>5425239
Now paint a smiley face on the visor of helmet.

Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>5425239
With Patriotism running through our veins after listening to Imperial Music, we head down to the prisoner cells to convert the captive rebels to loyal Imperial skeleton soldiers. Our crew must grow with more skeletons.

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>>5425242

Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>5425244
>>5425245

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>>5425249

Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>5425245
>>5425244
Quick, get the brainwashing music, the one with that famous idol!

Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>5425250
>>5425251

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>>5425252

Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>5425256
Begin the brainwashing process. 70% effectiveness to start with.

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>5425256
>>5425260
Warning: may turn any men being brainwashed into simps who would buy idol merch

>>5425264
But that's something most of crew do, so it's all fine.

File: 1.png (9 KB, 800x800)

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Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>5425260
>>5425264
Surely nothing can go wrong.

Roll 1d100

+70 bonus

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5425268
Guaranteed success. Rebels have been converted.

Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>5425268
One song later..
"Uh guys, why are you searching for Shotasniffer bathwater"

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>>5425270
>>5425271
New crew members acquired

Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>5425282
Salute him back. Welcome to the crew, soldier. Now check with engineering on how those repairs are going.

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Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>5425284
Roll 1d100 for engine repairs

Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5425294
Hmm.

Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>5425294
We are clearly doing engine repairs and not searching for idol pics

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>>5425296
"Sorry chief, it ain't done yet. But I'm sure we'll be ready soon"

Surely nothing can go wrong in the mean time.

Who wants to roll for it

>>5425307
We'll be 'aight. What's the worst that could happen?

Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>5425307
Talk to someone

>>5425310
Or flash signs as the case may be

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>>5425308
Indeeed

Roll 2d100. First number is to see who gets picked. Second number is what kinda shit it is:
70-100: oh sweet nothing happens
40-69: A rebel ship catches up to you
10-39: A rebel squad catches up to you
5-9: A small rebel fleet catches up to you
1-4: Space Monster

test

Rolled 22, 41 = 63 (2d100)

>>5425312

Rolled 88, 38 = 126 (2d100)

>>5425312
Nothing bad will happen.

>>5425319
Little did he know that something bad would indeed happen.

>>5425319
>canned laughter

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>>5425319
"Captain! Sensors indicate that 5 hostile ships are warping in to this sector!"

Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>5425324
Battlestations, men. Prepare the small stealth ship for infiltration, boot up the combat drones and redirect power to the gun turrets.

Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>5425324
Shoot them, or something

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Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>5425332
Of course. Of course. Battlestations.

Roll 1d100

Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>5425345
Hmm.

>>5425345
*epic battleship noises*

Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>5425352

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26 KB PNG

Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>5425348
You crippled one of them! They're gonna fire back! Roll 1d100!

Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>5425354
What the fuck is this dice rigging?

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>5425354
A fuck

Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>5425354
Rig harder!

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>>5425357
There is no rigging in Spess Quest Thing

>>5425368
Dang, hull status?

Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>5425368
Launch the Drone Craft!

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5425368
Shoot back more! Make them fear the battleship!

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Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>5425370
Drones engaged! Roll 1d100!

+30 bonus

Rolled 89 + 30 (1d100 + 30)

>>5425379
DRONES, FOCUS FIRE ON THEIR ENGINES.
THEY CANT ATTACK US IF WE LEAVE THEM IN THE DUST!!

Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>5425379
Anti-rigging fields engaged

>>5425381
This is the based solution, with their engines crippled we can board them and take them for ourselves.

>>5425381
But our engines are still out…

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>>5425381
You managed to cripple 3 of them!

OH SHIT ONE OF THEM MADE IT THROUGH

Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>5425400
Use the guns on them.

Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>5425400
Concentrate fire on their Starboard bow!

Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>5425400
Grab it with the ship hands and throw it at the other ships!

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Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>5425403
Roll 1d100 to blast it to kingdom come

Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>5425416
The Empire prevails!

Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>5425416
Not even close

Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>5425416
Fire the laser!

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>>5425417

>>5425424
Now fire the disco lazor

Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5425424
Prepare to board the disabled rebel ships. We have a lot of new crew members to induct today, it seems.

Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>5425424
activate video communications and tell the surviving rebel ships to surrender and prepare to be boarded.

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Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>5425430
Their engines are down but they're not out! Watchout for the missile barrage!

Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>5425439
Reroute all power from weapons to shields! Maximum forcefield output!

Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>5425439
!

Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>5425439
Use the guns for CIWS

>>5425418
>>5425429
Get in here niggers, we need a good roll.

Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>5425439
INTENSIFY FORWARD FIREPOWER!

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>5425439
Good thing our rigging field is on to make them miss. I mean, they’re called MISSiles. If you want to hit anything in space, everyone knows you have to use guns or torpedoes. Idiots.

Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>5425439
Fuck these missiles

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There is no dice rigging in OP's threads

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>>5425454
>op ignores winning dice in favour of bad dice
Historical Revisionism

Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>5425454
Engineering, Damage report!

File: 1.png (275 KB, 800x800)

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>>5425459
I have no idea what you are talking about

>>5425462
How many times do we have to teach you this lesson old man?

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>>5425459
There are no good dice in Ba singe se...

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>>5425462
I will report you to the gulag jannies for this violation, OP.

File: 1.png (11 KB, 800x800)

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>>5425464
>>5425468
hush anons. there is no rigged dice here. you are safe. now turn your attention back to the qst and not this briefcase of little importance

Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>5425471
Kill OP and steal his dice. Then we can go back to the quest.

Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>5425471
Snipe the handles off the briefcase

>>5425471
Non rigged dice? Wait a second… whete did these dice we’re rolling with come from? Could it be that OP has the only non rigged dice? HAND OVER THE DICE OP

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Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5425474
Surely now the dice are more reasonable. Especially since you're gonna try to board the disabled ships

Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>5425479
Yes yes ofcourse

Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>5425479
It seems unlikely, but we'll give it a shot.

Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>5425479
…

Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>5425479
I'm keeping an eye on you, trickster. Don't you forget that.

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>>5425483
Damn, their defenses are still up! You can't get close to 'em!

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>5425487
Shoot their defenses

Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>5425487
Pull back to a safe distance and open comms. Put them on screen and attempt to negotiate their surrender.

File: 1.png (14 KB, 800x800)

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Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>5425492
Roll for it

Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>5425497
No

Rolled 432 (1d1000)

>>5425497
Ah yes let me just grab my dice.

>>5425499
Oh wow look at that, a super crit.

File: 1.png (36 KB, 800x800)

36 KB PNG

>>5425499
oh noooooo its shield deflected your shot into your dice oh noooooooo

Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>5425515
This is taking too long, just blow up these rebel scum, we have enough crew

Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>5425515
Use the drone fighters to disable the enemy defenses.

>>5425516
Nah man, if we can secure these ships we can repair like one or two of them and have a little escort fleet. It'll be great, trust me.

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Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>5425516
Surely the dice has stopped being fickle

Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>5425521
For the Space Empire!

Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>5425521
Can we win anything today?

Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>5425521
Why wasn’t that gun already facing them? Which skeleton was asleep at the controls?!?

>>5425521
OP… did you give us the fake non rigged dice?

Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>5425521
JUST GIVE UP OP, YOU CAN'T RIG ALL THE DICE

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>>5425526
"Sorry captain, that was only a glancing shot"

Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>5425530
Right, try the drones. If we can just disable their close range defenses their ships will be ours.

>>5425530
Actually if you look closer on the screen, you can see >>5425529. That is what we refer to as "confirmed kill".

Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>5425530
I purchas 20 800 mm cannons and you can only score glancing shots on a frigate?!? What do I pay you for?!?

Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>5425530
Fucking
Grab 'em

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>>5425532
Of course. The shot glanced off one of the ships. Then hitting the one right behind it

Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>5425541
Ehhh it was probably rebel held anyways
Grab the ships, they are within range! I assume

Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>5425542
>>5425541
This is good plan, grab 'em and pull them close so we can board them.

>>5425543
I was thinking making ships kiss

>>5425541
Make the ships kiss like >>5425544 said

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Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>5425542
Ship arms deployed

"what the fuck"

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>>5425544
That sounds like something a lesbian would say.

Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>5425549
HERE COMES A GIANT FIST!

Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>5425549
C'mere
>>5425551
I assure you I am homophobic

Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>5425549
>16
Finally something we could possibly beat.

Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>5425549
time for even more what the fuck. start the ship kissing

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>>5425554

>>5425562
Now shake all the loot out of them

Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>5425562
Now, penetrate them with the whole squad. Joseph and the Dragon Witch take one ship with half the skellies, while we take Luke and the other half of the skellies to the other.

Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>5425562
Waste of budget they said, too expensive they claimed, impractical they brayed...hehehehe...HAHAHAHAHAHA, WHO IS LAUGHING NOW YOU SPINELESS BUREAUCRATS AND WANNABE GENERALS, HUH!?

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>>5425570
It's almost 4AM, I gotta sleep now. We'll continue the ship boarding next time. Whenever that is.

updates b here, yadda yadda: https://twitter.com/notapaladin

>>5425580
oh shit, op actually remembered to post the twatter

And OP was never seen again. The End.

>>5429806
RIP

>>5429806
He was a good man, what a rotten way to die

>>5429806
>>5429936
I cri evrytim

>>5429936
Wat happun

>>5429976
He died of cringe after not updating for several days

Every time I come to QST notapaladin is here, even if I haven't visited in years,. Truly the hardest working drawquester in the world. Thank you for all you do for these kids. I see u dropped the hard R in ur intro XD. U have softened, jk. Keep on brother.

>>5430123
I thought he got ligma
>>5430492
>kids
ok daddy

YOU'RE FOUR HOURS PAST YOUR DEADLINE OP!