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>>5416450
Welcome to THE FINAL THREAD OF BONES QUEST--no more, seriously! I’m running outta’ material! Make sure to check out the following resources, though:

Archive Link to catch up with the story!
>https://lws.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Bones%20Quest

Twitter account for post-game updates, art, and other stuff!
>https://twitter.com/DemBonez3

Imgur Page for quest and FAN ART! It’ll be updated by the time this thread dies, honest!
>https://imgur.com/a/dvF3SCN

A HANDY PASTEBIN for INVENTORY, SKILLS, and MORE! Check out the EPILOGUE STUFF TOO!
>https://pastebin.com/u/DemBonez3/1/TvtRhtJK

Rolls are handled by a 1d100--I take the BEST OF THREE ROLLS! Certain boosts and maluses will be applied based on the situation and existing skills. Describing your actions, write-ins, FANART and GENERAL CREATIVITY are all APPRECIATED AND REWARDED--we like to keep things LIGHT and CHILL here, so come on in and have some fun!

There will be a QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS segment at the end of this thread, so stick around, please! I got stuff to ask you! I’m sure you have stuff to ask as well, so if there are any spoilery questions you wanna do, get ‘em ready!

Also still looking for a WEB DESIGNER to put the whole quest on a website and make it easy to read… MESSAGE ME ON TWITTER if you’re seriously down for it and we'll talk!

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>>5416453
The words echo within the recesses of your vacant skull like a can being kicked down a well…

C E O. The BOSS. THE BIG CHEESE!

“Yes, Ms. Parble,” Replies the holograph marked with the name ‘Mr. Fox’, “and all that entails.”

You’re… this… you don’t-

“We understand this is quite the proposition…” Adds Mr. Hare in a slightly-apologetic tone, “And we’re sure you have plenty of questions to ask about the position, so please don’t hesitate to ask them.”

“But if you’re going to continue to berate us for whatever sins you’ve attributed to us, the door’s right behind you.” Grumbles Ms. Mantis in a dismissive voice.

“Haste, zey say, makes waste, yes?” Laughs Mr. Wolf in his heavily-accented voice, “Don’t vorry, vee don’t have to have zee answer today…”

“That said, we’d prefer it sooner rather than later.” Concludes Mr. Rat at the end of the table. “We’ve got a company to run, after all.”

“And to save time,” Chimes in Mr. Fox, “We can’t discuss the finer details unless you accept… Company secrets, you understand.”

Taking a pensive sip from your CHOCOLATE MILK, you ponder what to do here…
>I’LL TAKE THE JOB!
>FUCK Y’ALL, FIND ANOTHER SAP!
>I NEED TO THINK ABOUT THIS…
>WHY ME? EVEN I KNOW THAT’S BEGGING FOR TROUBLE!
>NOT ME, BUT I’VE GOT A RECOMMENDATION FOR YOU…
>BACK TO THE TIME STREAM!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5416456
>WHY ME? EVEN I KNOW THAT’S BEGGING FOR TROUBLE!

There's a barbed hook a mile wide in this jar of peanut butter.

Aside...I wonder how Mitzi would feel if we saddled her with this?

>>5416456
>>WHY ME? EVEN I KNOW THAT’S BEGGING FOR TROUBLE!

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>>5416475
>>5416483
>WHY ME!?

Writing!

>>5416480
>Company files for bankruptcy a week later due to excessive snack-related purchases
>Mitz: picrel

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You’re… you’re really trying, but you can’t… you just can’t decide on the best way to express just how PERPLEXED you are by their offer! Do you go ‘HUuuUuUH??’? Do you stare at an invisible camera with a ‘really’ look on your face? Do you laugh? Laughing might be good…

Laughter wins it in the end, and after making a show of flopping all over your chair and the boardroom table giggling your guts out for several minutes, you finally recover long enough to address the impressively quiet board members!

Is… you wheeze, is this a JOKE?!

“It’s not the most orthodox decision, no, but-”

No, seriously, you huff as you raise your hand to silence Ms. Crane, have… have they READ the quest? Hold on a sec, you’ll pull up the archive right now… thank GOD the internet’s back…

“The board understands your… reluctance…” Mr. Hare stammers in an apologetic tone, “But we’ve discussed this for quite some time and-”

Then they should know, you interject as you pointedly shove your phone in their nonexistent faces, that they’re asking a dangerously impulsive, borderline psychotic buffoon to take the reins of a multinational corporation–one who really only survived through a buttload of misplaced luck and a contrived ‘Bo3’ dice system and the milquetoast QM’s inability to impart any real consequences on your actions!

“If you intend to continue ridiculing our offer, save us all some time and leave.” Snaps Mantis with her usual cheery demeanor. “Mr. Hare and Ms. Crane failed to mention that we have a shortlist of candidates readily available–you are merely one name on that list.”

“If I may…” Intrudes Mr. Fox in his oilslick-smooth voice, “Parble asks a valid question: why her?”

Yea, you nod, it IS a good question! You’re doing great!

“Some background, then.” Suggests the digitized voice. “When Bruckmann Sr. passed away, we of the board were… reluctant… to let his daughter step in.”

“But our hands vere tied!” Groans Wolf! “In his vill he explicitly decreed zat zee company and its assets all vent to Sonny–and all zat implied.”

>CONTD.

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>>5416603
“With enough time we could have… scrutinized... the will a little closer,” Fox adds, “Perhaps uncovered a few… unnoticed details’, but Bruckmann Jr. moved quickly–dangerously so.”

Sounds like she planned it, you say with a derisive sniff!

“Exactly.” Mantis huffs, “And despite our best efforts, we were sidelined.”

“She dominated the few meetings we had…” Explains Hare, “and ‘tabled’ important discussions indefinitely… and the EXPENSES!”

“At the time we had no idea what the acting CEO was planning, of course,” Crane sighs, “Not that we didn’t have our suspicions… so we did what we could to keep the company floating.”

“And here we are standing among the ashes…” Concludes Fox, “Picking up the pieces of our previous CEO’s little scheme.”

“The news hasn’t broken yet thanks in no small part to our efforts.” Crane adds, “But the government knows… and there’s a small army of bruised and tired witnesses out there… yourself among them.”

“Like you, they share no love of the GOOD BOY name.” Hare mutters, “A-and for a valid reason, of course…”

“But today, Parble, we stand at a crossroads.” Explains Fox with a smile in his voice. “We have in our possession SONNY BRUCKMANN JR’S LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT…”

“And this time,” Mantis adds with a hint of pride, “We’ve had plenty of time to… examine it.”

You think you can see where this is going…

>CONTD.

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>>5416604
“We won’t bore you with the details…” Continues Fox, “But suffice it to say that in the event of her untimely death, Bruckmann left her assets in the care of her lover and a certain Evening Sanitation Coordinator…”

BORIS!

“In the original draft, yes…” Replies Hare with an uneasy laugh.

“Conveniently enough, Ms. Parble, we’ve miraculously come across another will–one that just so happens to bequeath everything onto another sanitation worker.”

“Very peculiar that Ms. Bruckmann would refer to you as her lover, isn’t it?” Fox muses knowingly, “But you know how things are–sometimes these things are, well, unrequited.”

“The point is that no self-respecting lawyer will look at it too closely.” Coughs Mantis.

So, you frown as your brain struggles to keep up, this… this is one of those ‘I scratch my back, you scratch yours’ deals, huh?

“Don’t act so smug.” Mantis spits, “It’s one solution of many, so don’t even think of trying to jerk us around.”

“Ms. Mantis is correct, of course,” He adds diplomatically, “We do have other candidates in mind, and while they might boast impressive resumes and skills, it’d be remiss not to recognize your experience.”

“What Mr. Fox means,” Continues Crane, “Is that your crusade took you all over CLEARWATER-”

“And straight into several company secrets.” Rat interrupts.

Ah, you nod knowingly, so this is a coverup! Are you gonna get sniped on the doorstep if you say no?

“Put whatever cynical spin on it you like.” Mr. Fox replies with an impatient sigh, “Our point is that you’ve seen a great deal of what our organization deals with…”

“And vhat it has to offer…” Adds Wolf with a smile in his voice.

>CONTD.

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>>5416607
“You’ve proven yourself to be a decisive woman,” Ms. Crane concludes, “and some abilities can’t be taught.”

“You stand to make a huge difference in this position.” Says Hare in a hopeful tone, “And isn’t that what all company employees dream of? To take charge and serve their fellow employees?”

“And protect them…” Grunts Rat in a haunted, tired voice. “You know what lurks out there in the shadows now, Parble–you’d be a fool to fight it all on your own.”

“There are, erm, some other clerical components to cover,” Hare stammers, “But that’s only if you accept, so…”

“Don’t worry, my dear,” Chuckles Wolf, “Zere is no penalty for saying ‘no’--zee snipers have zee day off today! HAH!”

It’s a lot to take in, and after a few minutes of thought you give them a response:
>ONE MORE QUESTION BEFORE I ANSWER… (WHAT?)
>NO WAY–FIND SOMEONE GOOD ON THAT LIST OF YOURS!
>YOU’RE IN.
>ERRR, CAN I GET BACK TO YOU GUYS?
>WRITE-IN!

>>5416609
>ONE MORE QUESTION BEFORE I ANSWER… (WHAT?)

Would Stan have any actual power or influence over the behavior of the company?

Are you hiring me just to have someone easily controlled?

I'm thinking about hunting down more occult assholes, would this job get in the way of that?

We really need to talk this over with Syb.

>>5416647
>QUESTIONS!
Writing!

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Before I answer, you answer, I’ve got a couple of questions to ask! And I want ‘em answered!

“No, you may not change the company name, and no, you don’t get a cape.” Spits Mantis in a flippant tone.

Damn it!

“Erm, well it depends on the questions you’re asking…” Replies Hare in a more entreating voice, “We can’t outright share certain company secrets wit-”

“Oh, just answer, will you?” Rat groans as his hologram flickers to emphasize his growing impatience! “She’ll never make a decision otherwise…”

Thank you, Mr. Rat, you reply, beaming ear to ear! He’s gonna be the first guy you promote if he keeps that attitude up!

“Yes, well,” stammers Mr. Hare, “You can’t really-”

“Shoot, Parble!” Interjects Mr. Wolf’s boisterous voice! “Vell, not at US, at least!”

No promises, you mutter under the board member’s roaring laugh! Seriously though–if you say yes are you gonna get any power or influence over the company at all, or are they just choosing someone they think they can control? I only ask because, you purr with pride in your voice, there’ve been a lotta people who thought they could mess with you…

You pause for effect.

Didn’t end well for ‘em.

“We’re aware.” Replies Ms. Crane in an unwavering tone, “Which is precisely why we chose to hold this meeting in the first place.”

“Your predecessor left us in the dark,” Explains Mr. Fox, “so we wanted to start over at equal footing, so to speak. Everyone on the same page.”

Sure, you snort, is that why they’re all hiding behind holograms and ‘souponames’ while you get to be Ms. Front-N-Center?

“Our primary defense at the moment is ‘Subtlety’,” Retorts Ms. Mantis as she hangs on the last word, “and if you truly plan on accepting our gracious offer you’d do well to learn from our example.”

You don’t even know the meaning of the word, you reply with a smug grin on your face!

“You really don’t, do you?”

Nope!

>CONTD.

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>>5416804
“Back to your original question, Parble:” Fox continues in a ‘simmer down, everyone’ tone, “If you agree to our terms you’ll be, on all counts, THE CEO. You’ll be given all of the bells and whistles that go along with that title, of course.”

“Along with the responsibilities.” Adds Crane in a cautious voice. “You will be expected to make significant choices for the company’s future, but you will never be alone in deciding them.”

“As per the company charter,” Recites Mr. Hare, “Any company-altering decisions will have to be agreed upon by a majority vote by THE BOARD-”

AHA, you snarl, so that’s how they’ll getcha!

“Try to understand, please:” Ms. Crane sighs, “The last CEO used GOOD BOY for her own questionable whims and look where it got us.”

“Deep SHIT.” Grunts Wolf with an emphasis on the second word!

“We only want what’s best for the company, Parble…” Adds Hare in an apologetic tone! “We employ a great deal of people–every decision we sign off on may impact thousands of lives!”

“More, depending.” Grumbles Rat.

“That said,” Says Mr. Fox, “The company can more or less run itself, provided we actually synergize this time around, so not to worry–you won’t have to make a life-altering decision every day!”

“There ARE a few immediate choices to discuss, however,” Mr. Hare butts in, “PERSONNEL, FUTURE AIMS, and a few others…”

“But those are none of your concern if you choose to walk.” Concludes Ms. Mantis. “Like Fox said: the company will be fine without you. Don’t forget that.”

>CONTD.

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>>5416807
Speaking of decisions, you segue, pointedly ignoring Mantis’ barbs, suppose you were planning on tracking down some of the robe-wearing bastards who orchestrated this thing-

“If you want to be a vigilante, do it on your own time.” Interjects Crane in a voice dripping with seriousness! “Being the owner of the company will put you under a permanent spotlight no matter how hard you try to hide from it.”

“IF you try to hide…” Snorts Mantis.

“You have to understand, Parble, that the incident has passed.” Explains Mr. Fox. “CLEARWATER and its residents will recover in time, and things will inevitably return to a comfortable normal.”

“Which is why you’ll have to watch your step.” Crane concludes. “If one of your crusades runs you afoul of the law, it’ll reflect poorly on GOOD BOY.”

“Zee press loves a good scandal!” Adds Wolf with a knowing laugh!

“If you act in a particularly egregious manner, we’ll be forced to distance ourselves from you… or even ask you to step down.” Fox gravely explains.

“Not that we want to, of course,” Mutters Hare, “But we only want what’s best-”

For the company, you recite in a dry tone. You think you get the picture…

>CONTD.

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>>5416808
“However,” Continues Fox with a wary tone of voice, “If you were able to provide solid evidence that someone or some entity posed significant risk to the company or its assets...”

The room goes eerily quiet. If the board members were here with you, you’d assume they’d be glancing at each other right now.

“Then, well…” Fox concludes, “We could certainly be persuaded to assist in resolving that endeavor, couldn’t we?”

“Indeed.” Replies Crane.
“Vell of course!” Chuckles Wolf!
“I suppose…” Mutters Hare.
“WITH reasonable suspicion, evidence, AND care, of course.” Scoffs Mantis.
Rat responds with a halfhearted “Mhm.”

“Well there it is!” Fox concludes with a smile in his voice! “You’re well-aware of our corporate security assets already, so you know how serious we are about the well-being of the company and its consumers…”

“Again, Parble,” Warns Crane in a grave tone, “Ms. Mantis is correct: Subtlety is our primary defense these days.”

“Anything else?” Grunts Rat as you mull over their explanation.

>OKAY, OKAY, OKAY–JUST ONE MORE TEENY-WEENY QUESTION BEFORE I ANSWER… (WHAT?)
>NO WAY–FIND SOMEONE GOOD ON THAT LIST OF YOURS!
>YOU’RE IN.
>ERRR, CAN I GET BACK TO YOU GUYS?
>WRITE-IN!

>>5416810
>YOU’RE IN

Fuck it. Let's become Batman.

>>5416810
>>YOU’RE IN

>>5416848
>>5416853
>BECOME THE BAT!
Writing!

>>5416810
>NO WAY–FIND SOMEONE GOOD ON THAT LIST OF YOURS!
This is a complete sham. They have literally no reason to choose us for this. Even if our name is sitting in a will, they have every excuse to scrap and burn it without telling a soul. There are thousands of people more capable, qualified, and stable than Stan to do this job and they gain literally nothing obvious from us having this position. They wouldn’t have been so desperate to stop us as we headed out the door otherwise. I don’t trust these motherfuckers as far as a light switch flicks. They have reasons for this that they aren’t letting on.

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You take a few quiet moments to mull over everything these guys have said–everything they’ve promised. This… this is it, isn’t it? The big break? The bottle of champagne at the podium? You came in here expecting a trial… a fine, maybe, but what you got was the keys to the castle and everything in it!

You’ve got no love for GOOD BOY. Never did, really. What started as a ‘hold-me-over’ gig turned into your life, and that wasn’t even factoring in all the evil shit Boris and Sonny were doing behind the scenes…

Right… Boris and Sonny. They’re who you think of when the words ‘Good Boy’ pop into your head, but it’s not quite right, is it?

GOOD BOY is Art. It’s Mitzi. Denise! It’s Doctor Devon, Blumenkrantz, Christy, and so much more! It’s the security goons, the maintenance workers, the suits, the little people like you and the people who brought you here today because they recognized your hard work and your drive to do better!

This company doesn’t have to be Boris and Sonny–it… it doesn’t have to be EVIL!

You… you can BEAT THE TROPE!

“Well?” Asks Mr. Rat with growing impatience, “If you can’t decide now, Parble, we can resche-”

You’ll do it.

“Hm?” Asks Wolf in a confused tone, “Vhat vas that?”

You’ll DO IT, you nod with a determined glimmer in your eye! You’ll run this shit!

The holograms sit in stunned silence for a moment as you leap from your chair and slap your palms against the table! And you know what else, you ask with growing fervor, you’re gonna KICK ASS at it!

As you wait for a response, you hear a quiet clap from one of the board members. Looking around the room to find the source, you zero in on Mr. Hare’s hologram as the sound builds into applause!

Standing awkwardly where you are, it takes the board member a few minutes to realize the others aren’t going to join in.

“No?” He asks with a mixture of shame and embarrassment.

“I… I think we’re fine for now...” Replies Ms. Crane with a hint of pity in her voice.

“Well alright then…” Sighs Hare as his hologram sinks a bit.

>CONTD.

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>>5417019
Shit, sorry, anon... : c

>>5417020
“Well, Ms. Parble, or should I say CEO PARBLE, allow me to be the first to welcome you to your new position!” Says Mr. Fox with a smile in his tone! “We’ll take care of the paperwork at your leisure, of course…”

“Hear hear!” Wolf adds to Fox’s welcome! “Long live zee CEO!”

As Wolf descends into bellowing laughter again, the rest of the team finally decides to applaud you! Grinning awkwardly at your holographic companions, you feel something tingle within your body!

“Congratulations, sis!” Cheers Nats as you feel the phantom of a hug wrap around your shoulders, “I KNEW this outfit would bring you good luck!”

Yea, you giggle, you uh… you knew too–that’s why you left it up to her! As the applause slowly dies down, Mr. Rat is the first to break the ensuing silence.

“Now that formalities are out of the way, I recall you having a list of action items for the new executive, Mr. Hare?”

“Hm? Oh yes, right!” You hear the faint sound of papers shuffling behind Hare’s hologram. “Just a moment, please!”

“I suppose I should take this moment to remind you, Ms. Parble, that this will not be a game…” Purrs Ms. Mantis in a slightly-nicer, but still cold voice. “But know that you’ll have our full support provided you do what’s best for the company.”

“Zat’s zee closest you’ll get to seeing a friendly Ms. Mantis, Parble!” Laughs Wolf with his infectious belly laughter! “Savor it!”

“Ah yes, here we are!” Announces Mr. Hare as his voice returns louder than before! “Action Items for the new acting CEO! That’s you, Parble!”

“Once the paperwork clears, of course…” Adds Ms. Crane with a touch of amusement in her tone. “But let’s proceed for now, shall we?”

Yea, you nod as you take your seat once more, let’s!

>CONTD.

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>>5417022
“We’ll be covering more topics at a later date,” Begins Mr. Hare with renewed confidence in his shaky voice, “But there are a few items that we can get started on today… unless, erm, do you have any other pressing commitments to attend to?”

Nah, you shrug, let’s plow through ‘em!

“Excellent attitude!” He says with praise as a holographic screen flickers to life at the end of the table! “As members of the board, we’re committed to serving the company-”

“And, by extension, you, within reason.” Adds Mr. Fox with mild bemusement.

“Yes, right you are…” Replies Hare as the words ‘Personal Assistant’ materialize on the holographic display. “Er, and while we’ll be assisting you through this transfer of power, regrettably we won’t always be available…”

“We have other responsibilities, you understand…” Growls Mr. Rat as if that explained it all.

“So the first step we’ve outlined for you is designating a PERSONAL ASSISTANT.” Explains Mr. Hare as the words on the screen helpfully flash a few times! “We have a few candidates in mind already, but these are extraordinary times, so-”

“So we’re giving you the privilege and responsibility of choosing one yourself.” Ms. Crane concludes with a hint of warning in her voice. “The optimal choice would be a candidate familiar with appointment-setting, clerical work, and a solid knowledge of the company, but rapport is key as well.”

“Though it goes without saying that this employee, Ms. Parble, will be just that–an employee.” Adds Ms. Mantis pointedly. “They’ll receive a competitive salary, pension plan, and healthcare package, of course,” she adds, “not to mention an expense account for various business-related purchases, and they will be your liaison between you and the outside world.”

You can almost see Mantis’ hologram lean in a bit for good measure. “So please choose wisely.”

A list of candidates a mile long forms on the screen–some of the names you recognize, some of them you don’t, and some of them you couldn’t pronounce if you tried. Hey, you remark as one passes by, there’s Christy!

“HA!” Bellows Mr. Wolf, “More like ‘Crusty’, yes?”

Uh, NO!

>CONTD.

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>>5417023
Murmurs circle the boardroom table as you await an explanation. If there’s a joke in there, you growl, you don’t get it!

“Well I was going to explain when we discussed the next item,” Mr. Rabbit replies with growing apprehension, “But both Blumenkrantzes have been terminated per their performance during the, erm… incident.”

Wait, wha!? But they held the damn place together!

“Both of their performances, with the exception of the startling amount workplace injury claims against Raphael Blumenkrantz, were nothing short of superb,” Ms. Crane explains, “but this all happened under their watchful eyes–there are some among the staff that believe the two were accomplices.”

“No need to fret, Ms. Parble,” Concludes Mr. Hare in a force, cheery voice, “They’ve both been given exceptional severance packages… I believe Christy is putting hers towards a procedure of sorts!”

“It’s better than they deserve…” Scoffs Mantis, “We really should keep tabs on them both.”

“Another topic for another meeting, perhaps?” Asks Hare, clearly eager to move on. “So, Ms. Parble, was there any particular candidates that you think would fit the bill?”

“Teagan, the boy outside, is quite dependable!” Adds Wolf! “Ve’ve vetted him and he knows his vey around zee company…”

Good to know, you shrug, but you’re gonna go with…
>TEAGAN! HE SEEMS DEPENDABLE!
>ART! HE CAN STILL DO ART ON THE SIDE!
>MITZI! SHE JUST NEEDS MOTIVATION, HONEST!
>SYBIL! SHE’S NOT A COMPANY GAL, BUT SHE’S SMART!
>TALBOT! HE’S NOT DEAD, BY THE WAY!
>CHRISTY! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!
>LET’S TABLE THIS DECISION FOR LATER!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5417025
>>SYBIL! SHE’S NOT A COMPANY GAL, BUT SHE’S SMART!

>>5417025
Quick question, Bones. Does our choice assume the individual will agree to the position? Because I’m thinking we might need to make sure whoever we pick for the spot would care to do it before we make that choice.

Regardless, I’m definitely feeling Christy, Sybil, or Mitz. Of course, Syb might be a bit too busy, what with her investigations and her tv series.

>>5417022
>Shit, sorry, anon... : c
Don’t worry about it. I was busy with work and showed up too late. Besides, if I got ticked over every decision we’ve made that wasn’t the one I would have picked, I’d have had an aneurism by now.

>>5417036
S-sorry, anon... I'd make the joke about NG+ again, but I'd still feel bad...

As for your question, though, this is merely the candidate Stan has in mind. To get a little metagamey:
This is merely for epilogue purposes and if I revisit Bones any time soon and make, like, a semi-sequel/DLC or whatever the crap. We, uh, we probably won't see how it turns out because I have no notes for this becoming a Business Tycoon Quest, so... yea. Hope that helps a bit?

>>5417025
>CHRISTY! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!

I feel like having Christy around to manage stuff would allow us a lot more wiggle room for stuff like taking care of the Order and chasing after interdimensional fuckery.

>>5417025
>CHRISTY! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!

I'm thinking Christy or Mitz. Christy knows these jackals, and this world.

>>5417025
>CHRISTY! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!

>>5417043
>I have no notes for this becoming a Business Tycoon Quest
I would hope not.

My running plan is basically to offload most CEO duties to someone dependable like Christy and then be batman.

>>5417033
>SYBIL!

>>5417045
>>5417050
>>5417055
>CHRISTY!

Writing!

>>5417061
Make her our Lucius Fox, huh? I dig it!

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How long ago did you sack Christy, exactly?

“Hm? Oh, it was the end of last week, I believe!” Replies Mr. Hare in a helpful voice! “We try to let go of employees closer to the weekend to, erm…”

“Lessen the blow.” Concludes Ms. Mantis with growing concern in her voice. “But I sense you’re asking for a reason.”

You are, you nod, because if you had to pick the perfect assistant, you’d have to choose Christy. No doubt about it!

“Weren’t you considering Mitzi for a sec, though?” Asks Nats as the board members fall into a flurry of murmurs!

Yea, you shrug, but you know her–she’d probably do a good job the first day, but then she’d get bored and pull shit like organizing office chair jousts or building cardboard box forts in the cubicles!

… actually that’d be pretty awesome, but probably not good for business… She’d probably insist on wearing that stupid MAID COSTUME she has every day, too… her and her dumb jokes…

“Not to sound pedantic, Ms. Parble,” Interjects Ms. Crane in a diplomatic tone, “But given her inability to uncover Ms. Bruckmann’s plans, are you certain Blumenkrantz is the right choice?”

Positive, you snarl as you dramatically slam your fist onto the table! There’s only one candidate on that list who can keep this company afloat while juggling meetings, drafting emails, fighting off skeletons, and cooking a bomb-ass lobster dinner, and it’s CHRISTY BLUMENKRANTZ! No doubt about it!

The board falls silent once more as the members dive into thought.

“Well…” Sighs Mr. Fox as the apprehension slowly leaves his voice, “She DID have an impressive service record for the company…”

“She’ll still be in the company system, too.” Growls Mr. Rat from his den at the end of the table, “Just have HR plug her back in and it’ll be as if nothing happened.”

“IF she chooses to return, that is.” Ms. Crane corrects in a teacher’s voice.

“And if she does, you’ll bear the responsibility for her actions, Ms. Parble.” Adds Mantis with a hint of warning in her icy tone. “After all, you’re the one vouching for her reliability.”

… yea okay shit, maybe it’s a good thing you didn’t recommend Mitz. You don’t wanna be responsible for THAT party animal, that’s for sure!

>CONTD.

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>>5417101
“Well if that’s the case,” Mr. Hare huffs as the text clears from the holographic screen, “then we’ll start the paperwork immediately. I’m sure she’ll appreciate your consideration, Ms. Parble!”

She’d better, you growl as you idly drum your fingers on your chair’s armrest, or ELSE!

“Speaking of Blumenkrantzes…” Mutters Hare as more words form on the screen like a swarm of electronic bees, “The next-”

Let me guess, you sigh, GOOD BOY needs a new SECURITY CHIEF?

“Well… yes.” Replies Hare in a meek tone.

“Speaking bluntly, I liked Blumenkrantz!” Remarks Mr. Wolf as the screen once again comes alive with candidate names! “Zee hardvare he procured vas invaluable during zee incident…”

“True,” Agrees Mr. Fox in an unsure voice, “But we have the equipment and security countermeasures now–what this company needs is someone with a cooler head… more stability.”

“Agreed,” Replies Crane, “Even before the incident Chief Blumenkrantz was a loose cannon–it’s a gamble as to whether or not he’d be an asset or a liability at this point. He’s best during war–not peace.”

“Vell if I know Raphael,” Chuckles Mr. Wolf, “I know he von’t rush to retire… Zat man is a machine, you know… a good man, if not very troubled…”

“The final word, regrettably, is yours, Ms. Parble.” Sighs Ms. Mantis as names populate the board. “We have several suitable candidates on a shortlist not unlike you were, but whoever you end up choosing, please try to remember that this employee will be in charge of ALL of our safety… this is not a popularity contest, yes?”

If it was, you hiss, she wouldn’t be winning any medals! Anyways, you think you’ve got an idea…
>ART! HE’S A SECURITY GUY! HE LEARNED A LOT ON THIS QUEST!
>MITZI! THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY GIVE HER SOMETHING TO CARE ABOUT!
>SYBIL! TWO WORDS: MAGE SECURITY! AND SHE’S DILIGENT AS HELL!
>TALBOT! HE’S TOUGH AND CAN TELL PEOPLE WHAT TO DO!
>BLUMENKRANTZ! HE’S BETTER NOW, HONEST!
>YOU GUYS SAID YOU HAD A LIST–ANYONE PROMISING?
>LET’S TABLE THIS DECISION FOR LATER!
>WRITE-IN!

That's it for tonight, folks--should have more TUESDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST! Hope to see y'all then and thanks again for sticking with it 'til the very end... n-no tears, o-okay!?

>>5417102
>>MITZI! THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY GIVE HER SOMETHING TO CARE ABOUT!

>>5417102
>MITZI! THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY GIVE HER SOMETHING TO CARE ABOUT!

Level headed, knows the system, has that bitchin autograph bonus...

>>5417102
>MITZI! THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY GIVE HER SOMETHING TO CARE ABOUT!

I think that if we want Blumenkrantz to not fall back we shouldn't place him back in his old environment where he also had several traumatic experiences

>>5417102
>>ART! HE’S A SECURITY GUY! HE LEARNED A LOT ON THIS QUEST!

>>5417102
>MITZI! THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY GIVE HER SOMETHING TO CARE ABOUT!
Sure, why not? We can’t leave our girl hanging.

>>5417106
>>5417123
>>5417172
>>5417244
>MITZ!

>>5417217
>ART!

Suck it, Art Bitch! Writing!

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After bringing Christy back on board, a part of you almost wants to get her granddad back too–say what you will about the guy, but there’s nothing quite like having a dangerous paranoid Veteran on payroll!

Still… would putting him back in his blue hat make him happy? What would he feel walking through GOOD BOY’S halls knowing that he’d failed to stop Sonny and Boris’ wicked plot?

Maybe he needs a break… or a change of scenery, at the very least. Not to mention he’d probably want to kill you after spending two or three meetings with you!

With the old candidate out, your mind flits to a new one–one who this job might just save…

Hey, you begin, what about ‘MITZI MULDOON?’

“Let’s see here…” Mutters Ms. Crane as she idly clicks her tongue, “Muldoon… M… U… L-”

She barely reaches the third letter before klaxons start going off within her hologram! Errr, you stammer as the other board members flicker in what you can only guess is disapproval, i-is that a yes?

Blinking out of existence for a moment, Crane’s hologram comes back a few seconds later… and her voice is anything but pleased!

“Ms. Parble,” She explains in her sultry, but still serious tone, “I hope you won’t take offense at my candidness, but… what the hell?”

Okay, you sigh, you know Ole’ Mitz has goofed off every now and then-

“Her personnel file’s so packed it crashed my system, Parble.” Snaps Crane!

“She’s… she’s only been here for a few years…” Stammers Hare in growing horror, “H-how did she accumulate all these NOTES!?”

>CONTD.

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>>5418075
Yeeeeaaaaa, you reply with sheepish laugh, you uh… you heard she was one day away from being let go, bu-

“The most recent infraction is just the words ‘AIR FRYER INCIDENT!’ in all red font.” Mr. Fox sighs, clearly not jazzed about the idea either. “... Parble, do you truly want to put all of our lives and wellbeing into the hands of an employee with an ‘AIR FRYER INCIDENT’ in their file?”

Look HARDER, okay!? Sure, Mitzi can be pretty lazy… and takes jokes too far… and might be an accident waiting to happen, you reply as you count out the list on your fingers, but she’s got the skills where it counts–you can vouch!

“Hmm…” Remarks Mr. Rat as he speaks up from the end of the table, “Her scores in the training exams ARE impressive.”

“Indeed…” Adds Mantis with a hint of admiration in her stone-cold voice, “Shame we had to wade through the equivalent of a burst septic tank to track it down…”

If you wanna talk septic tanks, you interrupt with a snarl, try being stuck fighting SKELETONS for a whole week and finding out it your only family was killed by some headphone-wearing DILDO for shits n’ giggles!

“We see your point,” Interrupts Mr. Fox in a diplomatic tone, “but-”

NO, you fire back as you give the table a kick for good measure, you saw the best and worst of people during that circus, and Mitzi wasn’t her best until she was out there doing something that MATTERED! She’s level-headed, she knows GOOD BOY and how to get stuff done–if you stick her behind a reception desk of COURSE she’ll get into mischief… but If you give her something to work towards–to FIGHT for…

Stricken mid-rant by another one of those nausea bouts you’ve been getting lately, you sink back into your seat with a menacing growl as you catch your breath!

>CONTD.

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>>5418080
Surprisingly, it’s Mantis who breaks the silence… and not to make a snide comment, either!

“Well the data doesn’t lie… if Ms. Parble is truly right about Muldoon’s qualifications, well…”

You ARE, you exclaim! You’d bet your life on it!

“You will be,” Sighs Ms. Crane, “Along with the lives of everyone at this company. You mentioned certain… ‘Persons of Interest’... ones behind the plot enacted by our previous CEO. Do you truly believe Ms. Muldoon can safeguard our employees?”

Without a doubt, you reply, doubling down on your decision. She stuck with you through hell and back, and when she’s got people to protect she’ll do whatever it takes to keep them safe!

“... Vell I’M villing to try her out!” Guffaws Mr. Wolf! “Vee can alvays replace her if need be…”

“Not to mention she’ll be ANOTHER prominent employee that you personally vouched for, Ms. Parble...” Adds Ms. Mantis with a mean-spirited chuckle! “I pray she doesn’t disappoint…”

“Now, now, it’s a job offer, not a coronation...” Sighs Fox, clearly getting tired of arguing. “Are there any who oppose?”

The boardroom remains quiet.

“Excellent.”

“We’ll reach out to her before the end of the day, Ms. Parble…” Mutters Mr. Hare as he types away at something on his end. “And I do believe that’s it for personnel…”

Cool, you nod, you could use some grub after this!

“Vait until you see a REAL meeting!” Warns Mr. Wolf before he enters another laughing fit!

“Anything remaining on the agenda, Mr. Hare?” Asks Crane, her voice returning to a calmer state.

“Yes, just one, but it’s sizable…”

That’s what SHE said, you holler!

No one laughs. Lame!

>CONTD.

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>>5418084
“Ahem,” Begins Hare as your joke falls flat on its face, “In the wake of the recent disaster, Ms. Parble, GOOD BOY’S brand took quite a hit both internationally and domestically.”

Boohoo, you scoff, you and your friends nearly died so many times Death is basically a part of ‘The Gang’ now!

“Yes, we-”

You do brunch!

“Mr. Hare doesn’t mean to belittle the efforts or the experiences of the survivors, Ms. Parble,” Explains Mr. Fox like a father calming down a child, “but as our new CEO you’ll also have to add the company to your list of many concerns.”

Fine, you groan, but it’s gonna take you a bit to get used to it, okay? You’re no SUIT MONKEY!

“Believe us, we’re aware.” Sighs Ms. Mantis.

“This final topic will surely be up your alley then, Ms. Parble!” Replies Hare with renewed confidence in his voice! “You of all people know that GOOD BOY is made up of several divisions–MARKETING, R&D, PRODUCTION-”

Yea, yea, you sigh, motioning for him to hurry up, you took the dang tour, okay? What’s his point?

“Well in an effort to move away from the incident,” Mr. Hare replies, not skipping a beat, “We of The Board believe some CORPORATE REBRANDING is in order!”

“In short, vee have too many fingers in too many pies.” Explains Wolf. “And zere are many paths vee can take, but zee perfect juncture, vee believe, is now.”

So, what, you stammer, not quite understanding, are they gonna change the logo or something?

“Think bigger, Parble.” Interjects Ms. Mantis with renewed enthusiasm in her voice, “You saw it yourself–did you really think GOOD BOY thrived solely on dog treats?”

Well, you shrug, they taste pretty good-err, or so you’ve heard!

>CONTD.

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>>5418087
“Let’s cut to the chase, shall we?” Asks Mr. Fox helpfully. “Our research projects and our paramilitary assets have put us in a unique position–were we to take the proper steps,” he explains, “GOOD BOY DOGGIE BONES could make quite a profit in new innovations or private security… under the guise of selling pet products, of course.”

“But there’s an inherent risk when living by the sword…” Adds Crane, “And our research, while promising, hasn’t always been, well, ethical.”

Right, you snarl as Talbot and those abominations at the TOP SECRET LAB flash through your head, you get the picture…

“But see how LAW ENFORCEMENT fared. The MILITARY.” Counters Mantis! “Would we be here today if we had adhered to ‘ethical’ constraints?”

“The ones who instigated this mess didn’t.” Grunts Rat. “And there’s plenty more where they came from…”

“In short, Ms. Parble, we believe you should have a say…” Concludes Hare with growing apprehension in his voice, “Moving on from here… where should our priorities lie?”

“Vee can still keep making doggie bones, of course!” Chuckles Wolf, “Or vee can do avay vith departments entirely!

The new face of GOOD BOY, huh? So wait, they’re SURE you can’t change the name?

“We’ll have to run the idea by Marketing,” answers Crane, “But… perhaps?”

Works for you! So what’s the company’s focus?
>JUST… JUST DROP THE OTHER STUFF AND GO BACK TO PET SUPPLIES, PLEASE!
>FOCUS ON PET SUPPLIES–NICE AND GUILT-FREE!
>LET’S GO FULL PMC–DROP EVERYTHING ELSE!
>WE’VE GOT A BUTTLOAD OF WEAPONS–LET’S FOCUS ON PRIVATE SECURITY!
>THEY CAME UP WITH SOME CRAZY STUFF–R&D MIGHT BE THE BEST WAY TO GO!
>WHY ARE WE STILL DOING DOGGIE BONES AND CRAP? LET’S RESEARCH AND DEVELOP… AND NOTHING ELSE!
>NO CLUE, GUYS… MAYBE WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER?
>WRITE-IN!

>>5418090
It’s between
>THEY CAME UP WITH SOME CRAZY STUFF–R&D MIGHT BE THE BEST WAY TO GO!
And
>WE’VE GOT A BUTTLOAD OF WEAPONS–LET’S FOCUS ON PRIVATE SECURITY!

On one hand, the whole discovery of Goodboynium and their development of other technology is immensely impressive, and could change a lot of things and make a lot of profit. On the other, they clearly already have the basis for a security company, and that would help further our Batman-esque goals.

>>5418090

>WHY ARE WE STILL DOING DOGGIE BONES AND CRAP? LET’S RESEARCH AND DEVELOP… AND NOTHING ELSE!

Let's change the world. Magic to the masses, a pentagram in every home, a second industrial revolution. And for god's sake let's have a few ethics about it, their last project spent several threads trying to rip our head off, even if he is a nice boyfriend now.

>>5418103
>>WHY ARE WE STILL DOING DOGGIE BONES AND CRAP? LET’S RESEARCH AND DEVELOP… AND NOTHING ELSE!

>>5418090
>THEY CAME UP WITH SOME CRAZY STUFF–R&D MIGHT BE THE BEST WAY TO GO!
Alright, I think I’ve made my choice. I don’t want to get rid of entire departments, since people still rely on them for jobs. Besides, flexibility in business is generally always a good thing. It can keep a company afloat a lot of times.

>>5418090
>>5418120

Switching to:
>THEY CAME UP WITH SOME CRAZY STUFF–R&D MIGHT BE THE BEST WAY TO GO!

>LET’S GO FULL PMC–DROP EVERYTHING ELSE!

Imagine getting capped by a GBDB killsquad. Truly the most based option.

>>5418111
>JUST R&D!

>>5418137
>>5418121
>FOCUS ON R&D... BUT KEEP THE OTHER STUFF!

>>5418148
>WAR... HAS CHANGED...

Writing!

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You don’t really see any reason to abandon any other branch of the company–if it weren’t for BLUMENKRANTZ’ insane paranoia you wouldn’t have had a standing army against TIM… and who the hell knows what other creeps are waiting out there?

That said, you also think dogs deserve some decent treats and toys, so why get rid of that part of the company either? You might have yearned for a quick and merciful death every shift and lost every shred of dignity you had left, but it paid your rent, sorta! That’s super important living in CALIFORNIA!

Look, you huff as you organize your thoughts into one big teetering pile, what is America known for?

“Peanut Butter?” Asks Mr. Fox.
“Zee internet?” Suggests Mr. Wolf.
“High-Fructose Corn Syrup?” Inquires Ms. Crane.

No, you groan, America… America’s known for a BUNCH of stuff! That’s the point, you guys! Sending a manic glance around the boardroom table, you take a moment to compose yourself before explaining further.

America is all about inventing shit, right? A-and using it to make the world a better place!

“History would suggest otherwise, but do go on.”

You will, you shout as you give Mantis’ hologram a hard stare! You’ll have to meet these punks in person soon, that’s for sure… Anyways, you continue fueled with patriotic fervor, you envision the future of GOOD BOY like America–striving to develop the next big thing, but also remembering the little guys–like Little Johnny who doesn’t have a bone for his best pal rover!

Or Little Johnny who lives in the poor part of town and has to fend off violent home invaders every night with nothing but a stick with a rusty nail put through it!

Or Little Johnny who needs borderline-magical BONE SURGERY to play the fiddle again–oh how Papa loved to hear him play! But he also doesn’t want to turn into a MINDLESS KILLBOT when he wakes up from under the knife!

Or Lit-

“Okay, you’ve made your point!” Interjects Crane just before you get to the good part! “You wish to focus on R&D, correct?”

Well… yea, you shrug, it’d be dumb to ‘pitch-in-hold’ ourselves, right?

“Quite right!” Agrees Mr. Hare with a smile in his tone! “I like it, Ms. Parble–focus on the future while remaining versatile!’

Yea, you huff, that’s why you suggested it!

>CONTD.

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>>5418277
“In that case,” Hare sighs with a weary sigh, “I believe that concludes our pre-planned agenda! We’ll have to schedule a follow-up meeting to further examine the choices made here today-”

“Not to mention getting our new CEO acquainted with her new position…” Adds Mr. Fox with an unseen wink, “But for now, Ms. Parble, we should probably adjourn… some of us have been up and about for quite some time!”

“I could alvays use more beauty sleep!” Laughs Mr. Wolf! “Erm, but didn’t vee tell our new executive zat she could ask quvestions at zee end?”

“Indeed…” Purrs Ms. Crane as if just recalling it herself, “Ms. Parble, were there any last things you wished to address before we concluded our meeting?”

>REALLY THOUGH: CAN WE CHANGE THE COMPANY NAME? I HAVE A FEW IDEAS!
>WHAT’S THE NEXT STEP GONNA LOOK LIKE FOR THE COMPANY?
>YOU MENTIONED THE GOVERNMENT… ARE WE COOL?
>WHO ARE YOU GUYS ANYWAYS?
>WHEN DO I GET ALL THE COOL CEO STUFF?
>ARE… OTHER COMPANIES… GONNA TRY TO MESS WITH US AT ALL?
>YOU’RE PRETTY CHILL ABOUT THIS PARANORMAL CRAP…
>NAH, THAT’S ALL FOR ME!
>WRITE-IN!

That's all for tonight, by the way--got outta work really late and I'm tired as shit! Should have more WEDNESDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST! Thanks again for playing Corporate Stooge Quest and hope to see you again next time! Nearly there, honest!

>>5418282
>>WHEN DO I GET ALL THE COOL CEO STUFF?
>YOU’RE PRETTY CHILL ABOUT THIS PARANORMAL CRAP…

>>5418282
What's our salary?

Just to see Stan's jaw hit the table.

>>5418282
>What's our salary?
>YOU’RE PRETTY CHILL ABOUT THIS PARANORMAL CRAP…

>>5418297
>>5418308
>>5418369
>YOU'RE PRETTY CHILL ABOUT PARANORMAL STUFF!
>COOL CEO STUFF?
>SALARYYYYY?
Writing!

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Well now that they mention it, you begin with a touch of apprehension in your voice, they, uh… they’re acting pretty chill about all of the ‘Paranautical’ crap that happened…

“We don’t really have the luxury of being able to run and hide when the company’s on the line.” Replies Ms. Mantis with a shrug in her voice.

“She’s right,” Fox agrees, “And despite the severity of the incident that occurred, it’s not the first time we’ve encountered the paranormal…”

oOOOooOh, you reply excitedly, d-did they fight ghosts or something?

“No, we-”

Mummies?!

“No, not mummies.” Sighs Mr. Fox. “Bruckmann Sr. was quite the occultist–not much of a surprise given who… and what... he associated with.”

Wait, you frown, so they KNEW he was in some TIM CULT?!

“We knew portions.” Ms. Crane corrects using her teacher voice. “In retrospect he was a horribly-abusive creature of a man with ties to sinister magical cabals, but during his tenure as CEO he kept that life impressively separate from the company…”

“And with zee money he vould scrounge up, vhy vhould we ask?” Asks Wolf in a puzzled tone! “Even if vee did, who knows vhat he vould do if vee dug too deep?”

“Please understand, however, that we’re… well-accustomed… to the more… ‘esoteric’ elements surrounding this company and community.” Purrs Mr. Fox. “As I’m sure you’re aware by now, GOODBOYNIUM was discovered and synthesized from documents and relics excavated from the nearby undersea ruins… well, that and some well-preserved tablets deep in the forests.”

“Zere vas also zat chance encounter vith zee crashed spaceship in zee desert!” Adds Mr. Wolf with an eager laugh! “Zat must’ve been back in zee early 50’s, yes?”

Huh, you remark, so they must be pretty old, huh?

“Ancient.” Replies Ms. Crane.
“Compared to you, at least!” Jokes Wolf with a hearty guffaw! “But vorry not, dear, vee von’t be leaving any time soon!”
“Happy to disappoint.” Adds Ms. Mantis with a cheeky smile in her voice!

Errr, neat!

>CONTD.

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>>5419090
So um, you continue as the boardroom returns to a mildly-uncomfortable silence, since they’re kicking you out and all-

“Teagan outside can arrange a ride for you if you wish!” Interrupts Mr. Hare in an apologetic tone! “Forgive me–it completely slipped our mind!”

Yea, nah, you reply, you’ve got a ride, but thanks! Still, though, you add with renewed interest, when are you gonna get all of the… y’know… CEO SHIT?

“The onboarding process will occur over the next few weeks.” Crane dutifully answers!

“We’ll have to expedite a few procedures so you can deliver a statement about the incident,” Adds Fox, “But your PR department will draft something within the week, so-”

Yea RIGHT, you exclaim as you slam your fist on the table, you’re not gonna let some pencilneck write you a script! You’ll say whatever you’re wanting to be saying!

“... we’ll discuss it when it’s ready.” Acquiesces Fox with his smooth voice! “Perhaps a more candid speech will make for better publicity.”

“People love zee Average Joe!” Wolf agrees!

Yea, whatever, you shrug, but you meant, like, the SWAG! The MERCH! The BLING AND BLANG!

“Ah, of course.” Sniffs Ms. Mantis, clearly unimpressed. “Since our previous CEO’s untimely demise, most of those assets have been collected by the Bruckmann family lawyer.”

“Worry not, though–with the will we… discovered...” Explains Mr. Fox with a wink in his voice, “Those holdings will be turned over to you over the next few months.”

“Beginning with the BRUCKMANN ESTATE, of course!” Adds Mr. Hare! “It would be untoward of our new CEO to live in squalor, yes?”

See, that’s what you’re talkin’ about right there! Absolutely, Mr. Hare!

“Yes, well…” The board member stammers sheepishly, “just doing my job… erm, naturally the home will have to be thoroughly inspected and inventoried–who knows what nasty things were left there? And I wager the grounds have overgrown somewh-”

That’s cool, you interject! You, uh… gimme a clipboard and I’ll give the place a good looksee!

“Well… if you insist…” Mutters Mr. Hare, “We’ll set up an inspection appointment with the groundskeeper in the next few days, then.”

Hell YEA, you grin, that’s fine by you!

“Yes, we can see that.” Scoffs Mantis.

Everyone’s invited over for a pool party–mandatory meeting, no refusing! It, uh… it has a pool, right?

“Three, I believe.”

Hoooboy.

>CONTD.

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>>5419091
Alright, you huff, steadying yourself from the realization that you now own three pools, you didn’t really wanna bring this up, bu-ah hell, you totally did!

“We’ll have you introduce yourself to the company this week, don’t wor-”

No, dork, you scoff in disbelief, you were gonna ask about your SALARY! How much do you get, huh?

“Ah… I see.” Replies Mr. Hare, his voice deflating. “W-well I think I have it here somewhere…”

Because here’s the score, you begin with a confident snarl, you’re not doing this job for anything less than… than one-thousand, and that’s FINAL!

“A week?” Asks Crane.

Woah, we have that much cash lying around?

“Aha! Here it is!” Announces Hare as the holographic screen starts to coalesce into numbers, “This is, of course, the old sum, but it’s still ample… after taxes, of course.”

Fine, you scoff, crossing your arms as you take a look at their offer, but don’t even think of insulting m-

“-s. Parble? Are you okay?”

Hgh… hwa? Whazzat?

“Oh look, she’s still alive.” Observes Mantis with the usual contempt. “Thank heavens.”

Face plastered against the surface of the boardroom table, you unpeel your cheek and place your beret back on your head as your senses slowly return. What… what happened?

“Y-you, erm, passed out when you saw the amount…” Whimpers Mr. Hare in an apologetic voice. “A th-thousand apologies…”

“It’s a good thing you woke up–I was about to call for an ambulance!” Chuckles Mr. Fox. “That would be quite the ending to our meeting, wouldn’t it?”

It’s cool, you huff as you feel your equilibrium return, you’ve got a doctor’s appointment scheduled later this week already, so-

“Oh, everything alright?” Asks Fox with a bit of worry in his tone!

Yea, yea, you chuckle, a bit of nausea on and off, but hey, it gives you a chance to try out that new CEO HEALTHCARE, riiiight?

“Yes, erm…” Crane mutters as you fire some GUN FINGAHS around the table, “That… that hasn't been processed yet. HR’s still working on it.”

Oh, you sigh, well uh… that’s cool!

>CONTD.

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>>5419092
Still a little woozy from those SPICY NUMBERS, you find yourself debating what you’re gonna spend it on first… a Summer home for mom and dad? New clothes? New sexy stuff? Talbot keeps whining about th-wait, maybe a gym membership? Shit, you could pay for that pole-dancing class for… well, forever, probably! Oh man, think of all the turns at the BATTING CAGES you could affo-WAIT, what if you bought THE BOARDWALK!?

Wait a sec… you could afford a whole lotta’ french fries with that sum too-

“Excellent, Ms. Parble, I believe that settles things for now, yes?” Mr. Fox asks, soundly rousing you from your planning!

Oh crap, wait! Are you all done!?

>REALLY THOUGH: CAN WE CHANGE THE COMPANY NAME? I HAVE A FEW IDEAS!
>WHAT’S THE NEXT STEP GONNA LOOK LIKE FOR THE COMPANY?
>YOU MENTIONED THE GOVERNMENT… ARE WE COOL?
>WHO ARE YOU GUYS ANYWAYS?
>ARE… OTHER COMPANIES… GONNA TRY TO MESS WITH US AT ALL?
>NAH, THAT’S ALL FOR ME!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5419094
>ARE… OTHER COMPANIES… GONNA TRY TO MESS WITH US AT ALL?
>YOU MENTIONED THE GOVERNMENT… ARE WE COOL?
These folks have to have a few enemies by now. Just look at how secretive they are, and how heavily defended their facilities were.

>>5419094
>>ARE… OTHER COMPANIES… GONNA TRY TO MESS WITH US AT ALL?
>>YOU MENTIONED THE GOVERNMENT… ARE WE COOL?

>>5419099
>>5419147
>OTHER COMPANIES?
>GOVERNMENT?
WRITING!

For whatever reason, I didn’t realize another thread had started even though the previous thread said as much.

First thing we need Christy to do is find our potential replacement. She’s welcome to recommend herself. Goal is to have the backup ready in case we decide to say “screw this shit” and jetpack away. We keep the money, they get a reasonable successor without relying on legal murkiness, probably everyone wins!

Then the next quest can be slice-of-life episodes with Syb and the Cryptid Crew.

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Leaning back in your chair in deep thought, a troubling idea occurs to you!

Wait a sec, you sputter as you nearly tip over your chair again, now that Sonny’s worm food, won’t that spark, like… a CORPO WAR or something?! Should-should we be in battlestations right now??

“... what are you talking about, Ms. Parble?” Asks Fox with genuine confusion in his normally-smooth voice.

Y’know, you continue, won’t someone swoop in and snatch up all of our turf? Is there… is there anyone we oughta’ retaliate first against?

“No, Ms. Parble, we’re quite safe.” Explains Ms. Crane in a reassuring tone. “If anything the incident and the change in leadership is expected to raise our stock value…”

“Moreso if we ride this PR wave all the way to shore…” Adds Mr. Rat with a hint of amusement in his voice. “Consumers love a good tragedy…”

But… but isn’t that kinda…. scummy?

“The incident occurred, Ms. Parble…” Groans Ms. Mantis with growing frustration in her voice, “we can’t change that. The best we can do is be proactive and use those ‘thoughts and prayers’ and internet pity parties to our advantage–a sob story is a tried and true way to foster a company’s goodwill–humanity, if you will.”

Didn’t the news call it some kind of ‘WIFI’ thing, though? Yo-

“Smoke and mirrors to buy us time for a proper statement.” Interrupts Mantis. “And an opportunity to introduce yourself to the consumers by telling them ‘the truth’--your story, you see?”

Yes, you nod, not actually seeing, you get it! Thanks!

>CONTD.

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>>5419245
Well, you huff, but still… if you’re a newbie, then what about your competitors, or whatever?

“There are a few, naturally.” Replies Mr. Fox with mild disdain in his voice. “PETPALS is chief among them, of course, but they focus their attention on the East Coast–the West, as they understand it, is ours…”

“Then there’s ‘LUVRUFF–’ a Japanese pet conglomerate that encompasses most of Asia and a large portion of Europe…” Adds Crane. “They’ve been hesitant to expand overseas, but the times ARE changing…”

“And zen zere is ‘HAPPIHUND’--zee ruler of zee old country!” Concludes Mr. Wolf in a playful tone akin to a kid telling a ghost story! “Like GOOD BOY, zey have dominated zee European market for years–but zee old dragon has made no attempt to move on us in zat time… not outright, at least!”

Huh, you mutter as you pretend to remember those names, so those guys… they don’t have any PRIVATE ARMIES, right? CYBER NINJAS? CORPO DEATH SQUADS?

“Please, Parble,” Groans Mantis as the others quietly express their weariness in their own ways. “Corporate disputes are settled like this: in a boardroom!”

… but… but do they?

“Of course they do!” Exclaims the frigid board member, “What self-respecting company WOULDN’T have CORPO DEATH SQUADS nowadays?”

“It’s just safer!” Agrees Mr. Hare!

“Indeed.” Seconds Crane.

“Rest assured, Ms. Parble,” Purrs Mr. Fox in a reassuring tone, “If there was the threat of inter-corporate violence, you’d be the last of their targets! You haven’t even started yet and we could just find a replacement in a day!”

“Unless, of course, they wanted to pressure you into doing something!” Explains Mr. Hare in a helpful voice! “But in that case they’d probably just go after your friends or family… but that rarely happens much anymore!”

Well gee, you remark, that, uh… that makes you feel loads better…

>CONTD.

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>>5419246
They’re forgetting the biggest bastard of them all, you snarl: THE GOVERNMENT!

“What about them?” Asks Mr. Fox as he fails to stifle a laugh.

Isn’t it a little shitty that GOOD BOY took over while they were torn to pieces? Won’t they… I dunno… be worried about us, or something?

“Parble, the incident merely proved what the rest of the world learned years ago:” Ms. Crane explains with a sigh, “Governments are outdated–relics of a bygone age. True power, especially nowadays, is capital... and private corporations like this one are the best-equipped to harness that power.”

“We’re unburdened by checks and balances,” Adds Mr. Wolf with glee, “borders, zey are all meaningless! Zee best zee governments can do is rattle zere sabers and impose penalties… but in zee end it is US who keep zee world turning!”

Alright, you frown, that sounds pretty darn evil to you, but-

“Then you’re shortsighted.” Declares Ms. Mantis with her usual kindness. Yea, well-

“Business is the act of selling a product. Corporations are only as ‘wicked’ as their managing staff–the ones making the big decisions.”

Well, sure, bu-

“Those decisions, Ms. Parble, will not always be so clean cut.” Concludes Mantis with a touch of haughtiness in her voice! “As a member of The Board I only hope you’ll continue to make the ‘right’ decisions… no matter how ‘evil’ they seem…”

“In short, no, Parble, the government won’t be a problem…” Grumbles Mr. Rat from his hideaway. “Provided, of course, we don’t give them a reason to be.”

“And with their local representatives utterly decimated in the wake of the incident,” Mr. Fox adds, “We stand to become very good friends with them in the coming days–police fundraisers, mayoral candidate donations… the best thing about a government official is that they never forget a favor early on…”

Alright, you huff, this is getting way too political–you just wanna know if you’re gonna get picked up off the street after this and taken into a police interrogation again!

“After this meeting you’d better not!” Replies Mr. Hare with a faint chuckle! “Our legal team is second to none, you know…”

Shiiiit, you think to yourself, does… does this mean you’re bulletproof?

“No, so please don’t go committing crimes for the Hell of it.” Lectures Ms. Crane.

Then why be a CEO then?!

>CONTD.

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>>5419247
Somewhere among the holograms comes a faint droning noise.

“Ah, s-sorry!” Apologizes Mr. Hare, “That’s the timer I set… w-we’re over time, I’m afraid!”

Mr. Rat’s hologram blinks out of existence with nary a goodbye.

“Don’t vorry, my dear,” Laughs Mr. Wolf, “He, erm, he does zat.”

“Fellow members of The Board. Parble.”

Hanging on your name for a moment, Ms. Mantis is the next to go.

“Congratulations again, Ms. Parble!” Mr. Wolf cheers as his hologram fades, “Until zee next time!”

“Let me be the first to say that we expect great things from you, Ms. Parble…” Purrs Ms. Crane with renewed interest in her sultry voice!

“But don’t worry–we’ll be with you every step of the way!” Adds Mr. Hare as the two of them sign off! As you collect your pleated skirt and move to exit, you notice that Mr. Fox is still tuned in. Err, catch you later, alligator…

It takes a few moments before Fox replies. “You’ve really done it now, Parble… no turning back.”

Taken off-guard by his eerie phrasing, you gather yourself and respond with a spirited ‘wh-whatchoo talkin’ ‘bout, huh?!’

“Word to the wise, kid,” Warns Mr. Fox in his smooth voice, “Watch your step… especially around the others. Welcome to the team…”

Before you can plumb for more details, the final hologram disappears with a faint ‘bloop’!

Sitting in your seat for a few more seconds just in case you’d just dreamed the last hour or so, your answer comes when you accidentally dip your TOE SHOES into the puddle of spilled chocolate milk at your feet!

“Welp, no use crying over spilt milk, right?” Jokes Nats as you rise to your feet! “You feel okay?”

You’ll feel better once you’re outta this boardroom, you groan! Feels like you’re being watched or something! Making your way out the door, you mumble a nondescript ‘thank you’ as TEAGAN THE RECEPTIONIST gives you an energetic farewell!

Yea, you huff, you made the right decision not hiring that guy…

>CONTD.

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>>5419248
“What the FUCK!?”

Following the angry shout, you find Talbot parked in a handicapped spot with three out of four emergency lights blinking on his mud-slicked truck! What the FUCK, ‘what the FUCK’?

“You said that was only gonna take a MINUTE! Where’s your check?!”

It took longer, okay, you snap as he gets out and opens the door for you! And why’s he sweating so much?

“Because it jumped to a BILLION DEGREES when you ran in,” he exclaims, pausing so that the two of you can exchange a kiss! “... your dumb milkshake’s melted, by the way.”

Damn it, you huff, you were looking forward to that! Getting settled in the seat next to the lonely and very melted drink in the holder next to you, you wipe a bit of sweat off your brow and wipe it on your BAD BITCH CROP TOP! Crap, it IS hot!”

“Wanna grab a beer or something?” Asks Talbot, prompting another wave of nausea through your body! “I don’t have that interview with the Parks Service for a few days, so-”

No, you stammer as you try your best to shake off the dizziness, you… oof…

“Still dizzy, huh?” Talbot asks as he gives your shoulder a reassuring rub. “Shit… sorry…”

It’s cool, you groan, you’ve got that doctor’s appointment in a few days, so hopefully they’ll figure out why it’s been going on for so damn long!

“Yea, well, they’d BETTER!” Grumbles your driver as he turns on the engine and cranks the A/C, “Anything I can do for ya’ right now?”

Yea, you nod, you’ve been dyin’ for some food…

“Best news I’ve heard all day!” Smiles your bodyguard as he turns off his emergency lights and turns on the engine! “BREAKFAST BARN?”

He read your goddamn mind, you groan as you feel saliva start to build up in your mouth! And speaking of ‘best news all day’…

As you drive off into the insane afternoon traffic, somewhere high above and out of sight sits a distorted patch of light clinging to the side of a building like a gecko! Cupping an invisible hand to its equally-visible ear, the living optical illusion whispers a string of hushed words into a head-mounted transmitter…

>CONTD.

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And here we are again… though time grows short for this story, time meanders on… and with time, ANYTHING is possible!

Where will we glimpse next?
>YOU’RE WAITING FOR MITZI TO ANSWER HER DOOR… YOU’VE HELD OFF ON TELLING HER LONG ENOUGH.
>THAT’S ALL FOR NOW–THESE MEMORIES AIN’T GOING ANYWHERE, SO IT’S TIME FOR THE CURTAIN CALL.
>WRITE-IN! (WARNING: APPROACHING THE END OF MY PLANNED MATERIAL!)

That's it for tonight, by the way--got a meeting early tomorrow! Sorry for the late update--got held up by personal stuff. That said, we're near the end, folks! I'll be out of town this weekend so it might stretch a little longer, but we'll see! Next update should happen THURSDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST! Be there!

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>5419250
>>1 = YOU’RE WAITING FOR MITZI TO ANSWER HER DOOR… YOU’VE HELD OFF ON TELLING HER LONG ENOUGH.
>>2 = THAT’S ALL FOR NOW–THESE MEMORIES AIN’T GOING ANYWHERE, SO IT’S TIME FOR THE CURTAIN CALL.

>>5419250
>YOU’RE WAITING FOR MITZI TO ANSWER HER DOOR… YOU’VE HELD OFF ON TELLING HER LONG ENOUGH.
Might as well. We’ve held off the most heart-wrenching one for the end. Poor Mitz.

>>5419250
>YOU’RE WAITING FOR MITZI TO ANSWER HER DOOR… YOU’VE HELD OFF ON TELLING HER LONG ENOUGH.
I figure this was about her family, but now we can also add her promotion to the mix? Depends on how time is flowing right now.

>>5419250
>YOU’RE WAITING FOR MITZI TO ANSWER HER DOOR… YOU’VE HELD OFF ON TELLING HER LONG ENOUGH.

>>5419256
>THE DICE DECREES WE'RE DONE!

>>5419360
>>5419466
>>5419571
>MITZ'D OPPORTUNITY!

Writing! Sorry for the lateness--gonna be outta town this weekend so there's lots to prep for!

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“We’re gonna have to knock eventually, sis, people are gonna think we’re a CREEP or something…”

Nats, unfortunately, is right. Pacing back and forth in front of the small, but cozy-looking blue beach bungalow, you nearly tear a passing car apart with an EYE LASER when it zips by you! Damn, you snarl as your heart does jumping jacks in your chest, you thought that was a BAD GUY!

“Weird going back to normalish, huh?” Remarks your demonic companion as you watch a fleet of construction machines roll down the sloped road in the direction of the coast. Yea, you sigh, you’re still not used to things not trying to kill you all the time!

Idly checking your phone one more time, the text message you have open confirms what you already know: inside that cute little seaside house lives THE TERRIBLE TOMBOY of the team: Mitzi Muldoon–one of your oldest friends and a valued member of THE CLEARWATER SANITATION COORDINATORS!

… not that you’ve mobilized lately, of course. After spending the better part of a week together, your pals more or less scattered to the wind to catch up with their lives, not that you were any different, of course.

Clicking back to your other texts, you click on Sue’s name and run through the last few messages to buy you some time…

VERMONT, he said, you’ve gotta come up here!

Searching your phone’s cracked surface for more distractions, a flash of movement from within the house’s windows stirs you from your hunt! Peering past the curtains with narrowed eyes, you feel a faint push against your back! Alright, you groan as you shove your phone into your jeans pocket, you’ll GO!

Your feet drag along the path like a zombie’s… or a dog who feels like taking another route on a walk. Despite their best efforts, however, you find yourself on Mitzi’s doorstep earlier than you’d like, and with a firm tap on the doorbell, you feel your guts tighten into a knot as you hear someone approach from within!

No dancing around it, you think to yourself, today’s the day…

Today’s the day you tell Mitzi how her sister and dad died.

>CONTD.

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>>5420033
Whoever’s coming warns you with a muffled voice before slamming into the door from the inside! Nearly falling off the doorstep at the sudden racket, you calm down a little bit when the door opens inward… but start to worry again when Mitzi emerges swaying on her legs like a wino!

“YOoooOoOoooooo…” She slurs, taking a swig from a bottle of clear booze whose label faded away long ago! “Dere’z m’girl…”

Bracing herself against the doorframe, Mitzi looks… well, she still looks good, kinda! Clad in a pair of denim shorts and that ’DAM, GURL’ BIKINI TOP she swiped from the CLEARWATER DAM, her tanned skin and toned muscles on display distract you from the rest of her–disheveled hair, smeared eyeliner, breath reeking of alcohol…

“Wha?” She asks with a frown forming on her flushed face, “Whazzamatta?”

“Sheesh, she looks like YOU, sis!”

Nats is right–that’s no good at all! Swiping the bottle from her shaking hand, you take a few steps back as Mitzi moves to grab it back! What the hell’s gotten into you, huh!?

“Uhh… nuffin’ yet…” She grumbles as she takes another drunken swipe at the bottle! “C’MOn, Shdan… ish the weegend… probly..”

Listen, you sternly reply, she’s… this isn’t her, okay? If anyone’s gonna go on a bender after spending a week fighting skeletons, it’s YOU! Now quit it and start being aloof again!

“Aight… aiight… Shtan, I’mzorry… buHOLY SHID!”

Taken off-guard, you glance in the direction she’s looking for one second too long! When you’re certain there isn’t a car full of SKELETON GREASERS coming to getcha, you glance back just in time to see the bottle of booze scooped out of your hands by the boozed-up beach bum! Curse your lack of BONE SPEED!

“Here…” Snarls Mitzi as she holds the bottle out of your reach, “You… you wan shom? Tasht shummaDISH!”

Before you can gracefully dodge out of the way with a CARTWHEEL or something, your face is splashed with the bottle’s contents! Instinctively groping at your eyes, you let loose a miserable shriek as you feel the alcohol do…

Nothing.

Wait… is that shit WATER?!

“Gotcha, dork.” Answers Mitzi with a smug grin! “Used a little mouthwash for the breath, but the rest is all-natural!”

Giving your head a playful noogie, the girl scoops you into a warm embrace before offering the bottle to you. “Hey, you stayin’ hydrated? It’s hot today, dude.”

Yea, you mutter, still floored by the stupid prank, you, uh…. Yep.

“HA! THAT WAS RICH!”

Shut up, Nats, you knew the whole time!

>CONTD.

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>>5420034
“Come on in!” Commands the tomboy as she guides you into the house! “I’d ask you to take those shoes off, but we won’t be here for long…”

Ushered through a small entryway caked in sand, pebbles, and slightly-damp flip-flops, you’re led into a living room dominated by a white, shaggy rug and a massive L-shaped couch in front of what used to be a really big TV. Nowadays it’s just… meh. You notice a few vacant spots on the wall in between pictures … like the photos were all taken down or something.

“Take a seat–stay a while!” Orders Mitzi as she scurries off towards what you assume is the kitchen, “Want anything? Coffee? Juice? Sloppy Makeout?”

Collapsing into the soft embrace of the couch, you weigh your options… coffee sou-wait, what was the last one?

“I said ‘protein shake’, Stan–get your mind outta’ the gutter…” She replies, peeking her head out of the kitchen with a wink! “There’s still some of that bottle left if you want some… but it IS pretty early in the day, huh?”

Yea, well, you stammer, distracted by images of people surfing on TV, you actually wanted to talk to her about-

“Oh shit, I got just the thing!”

Deftly parrying your lead-in, Mitzi returns with two green cans covered in a strange, alien language!

“Keek hung out last night–brought over these awesome sodas! Pretty sure they’re ‘Yuzu’-flavored…”

Huh, you remark as you take the droplet-covered can out of Mitzi’s extended hand, the hell’s that?

The girl plops onto the couch next to you and cracks open the can with a daring look in her eyes! “Pretty sure it means ‘Squid Testicle’ in Japanese.” Instantly giggling at the wide-eyed stare you give her, she brings her drink to your lips and forces a sip into you laughing all the while!

Fighting to escape the foul drink, you calm down a bit when you find it to be… kinda lemony-flavored! Hey, you snarl, this ain’t nut-flavored! Ass!

“Ya got me…” Sighs Mitzi as she takes a sip of her own, “It’s a kind of citrus. No testicles included, sorry…”

Popping open your own can, you take a swig and let out a contented sigh as the drink tickles your throat the whole way down!

“Man,” breathes Mitzi with a smile on her face, “Cold drinks and hot gals–what more could we want, huh?”

Well, you mutter as you relish in the relaxation for a moment, a jetpack would be pretty neat.

“Yea…” Sighs Mitzi with a forlorn look on her face, “That would be pretty neat…”

>CONTD.

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>>5420036
After everything that’s happened, you could probably crash on this couch forever… and just when you’re almost inclined to rest your head on Mitzi’s shoulder, you remember why you’re here in the first place… and suddenly the drink feels much colder in your hand than before!

So-

“SO,” Mitzi begins, soundly beating you to the punch, “How’s it feel?”

You blink in confusion. What, being, like, alive?

“Yea!” Mitzi replies as she gives your shoulder a playful nudge! “Feels like I only just started relaxin’ again a day or so ago…”

Wait, you snicker, is she saying she wasn’t relaxing that whole time?

“Nah, that was ‘Tense Mitzi’.” She explains in a matter-of-fact tone! “This… this is Chill Mitzi.”

Ending her explanation by practically melting into the couch, the girl shoots you a sly look out of the corner of her eye. “See the difference?”

Yea, you giggle, bet that helped her out with the cops, didn’t it?

“Maaaan, fuck that…” She frowns as she drowns her disdain in another sip of soda, “Talk about gratitude, right? Spend a whole week saving the town and our reward is jail time. Didn’t even get any numbers, either…”

Sitting up, the security goon looks at you appraisingly. “Kinda weird how we just… got out, right?”

You respond with a shrug. You just assumed they let you go.

“Yea?” Mitzi snorts, “Why?”

Because, you reply with a twinkle in your eye, you’re too DANGEROUS to contain!

“Hmmm, you might be onta’ something there…” Snickers Mitzi as she gently knocks the side of her head into yours, “Hey, real talk, Parble? That was… that was really cool what you pulled back there… with the skeletons and all.”

Yea, you remark, it WAS, wasn’t it? Erm, you sputter, thanks, by the way… she did good too…

“Damn right, I did.” She smirks before a realization flashes across her face! “Oh crap, I totally forgot!”

Taking another sip from your soda, you shoot her a confused glance. Forgot what?

“I was gonna show you something!” She announces as she hops to her feet! “C’mon, you can handle a small walk, right?”

You frown. How small a walk?

“... more than a few steps?”

Goddamn it.
>I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING FIRST!
>CAN’T WE CHAT A LITTLE MORE?
>WHAT IS IT?
>NAH, LEAD THE WAY!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5420038
>NAH, LEAD THE WAY!
I thought about telling her now, to just bite the bullet and get it over with, but I doubt she’ll get over it quick enough to matter. Let’s just let her be normal for a bit longer before we have to break the news.

>>5420038
>>NAH, LEAD THE WAY!

>>5420038
>NAH, LEAD THE WAY!

>>5420038
>NAH, LEAD THE WAY!

>>5420046
>>5420047
>>5420049
>>5420074
>NAH, LEAD THE WAY!
Writing!

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You wanna just get it out there already–to tell Mitzi what you’ve been wanting to tell her ever since she snuck into your hospital room after your fight with Boris with a bottle of champagne she found… the truth behind what happened to her dad and sister.

It’s gonna hurt a whole lot less if you do it now, you think to yourself… you just gotta get it over with and hope she doesn’t take it too hard, right?

Alright, you relent with a defeated sigh, lead the way, Mitz.

BITCH. Screams a small, but very persistent little voice in your head, YOU’RE A LITTLE BIIIIITCH, STAAAAN!

“Hey, keep it down in there!” Snarls Nats as your friend practically BOUNCES off her couch and onto her bare feet!

“Awesome! Okay, just gimme a sec! Finish your soda!”

As the girl scampers off to do… something, you do as she commands and finish off your drink. Refreshing, you think, you’ll have to bug Kiki for some more next time you see her!

“Aaaaand we’re back!” Announces Mitzi as she appears over by the entryway with a duffel bag slung over her shoulder! “You ready?”

Glancing down at your grey hoodie and black jean ensemble, you respond with a vaguely-committal ‘eh’.

“C’mon then, you dweeb.”

Pulling you out the door with surprising strength, your beach-loving buddy pauses only to lock her door before marching you down the sidewalk towards the distant call of seagulls and waves! Hey, uh, you stammer, are… are we going to the beach?

“No, the woods.” Replies Mitzi with a mischievous grin! “C’mon, I told you I used to run down here all the time, didn’t I?”

Yea, but, you counter, isn’t the water cold?

“Only for a little bit!” She explains as you cut across the street and into a narrow sandy path between the bungalows! “Besides, that just scares all the quitters away!”

She ain’t wrong… as your trip takes you down a winding, sandy path and through a field of purple, green, and gold coastal plants, you quickly find yourself arriving in a small, secluded lagoon with sand sporting only a quarter of the usual cigarette butts, broken glass, and discarded needles!

“Welcome, Stan, to MITZI’S LAGOON!”

Posing between you and the water, she doesn’t stop until you clap a bit.

“LOUDER!!”

Okay, JEEZ!

>CONTD.

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>>5420105
So, you begin as you get a gust of sandy air in your face, what’s, uh… what’s the plan?

“We,” Mitzi responds grinning ear-to-ear as she tosses her shorts onto the sand revealing a matching purple bikini bottom, “Are gonna swim!”

A cold chill runs up and down your spine as you stare at the blue, but treacherous water ahead of you. It’s CHILLY! What if you catch ‘High-hotherbia’?!

“Then I’ll warm you up, duh!” Laughs Mitzi as she chucks a towel your way! “Think fast!”

You barely snag the towel out of the air before three more items arc towards you: TWO FLIPPERS AND A SNORKEL WITH A MASK! By the time you catch them all, Mitzi’s already ankle-deep in the water!

“What’cha waiting for? The water’s FREEZING!” She jokes as she wades up to her ample hips!

Yea, well, you stammer, you were gonna tell her some-

“CAN’T HEAR YOU!” She shouts as she swims neck-deep! “Gotta’ come in to taaaaalk!”

Damn it, you hiss, she wants to swim? You’ll SWIM!

“Stan, I swear to god,” Groans Mitzi as you drop your towel on the ground, “If you don’t get in here in ten seconds I’m gonna run over there all cold and wet and give you a BEAR HUG before chucking you in!”

You know this fucking psycho well enough to know she isn’t kidding… not this time, anyways! Steeling yourself for the impending CHILLINESS, you drop your hoodie and jeans and rush for the water!

Q1: WHAT TYPE OF SUIT ARE YOU WEARING?
>ONE PIECE!
>BIKINI!
>WETSUIT!
>YOU ACTUALLY TOTALLY FORGOT A SUIT SO JUST SOME UNDERWEAR, YOU GUESS!
>WRITE-IN!

ALSO PLEASE ROLL ME 1d100-5(+5 MITZI’S HAPPY! -5 COLD TODAY! -5 STILL GOTTA TELL HER…) TO NOT BITCH OUT WHEN YOU REACH THE COLD WATER! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

>>5420107
Also that's probably gonna be it for a few days--gonna be busy all weekend so I'll probably get back to this LATE ON SUNDAY AT THE EARLIEST! Sorry for all the delays, but I hope you have a great weekend!

>>5420107
>BIKINI!
It’s a well made bikini that can reliably contain Stan’s plentiful assets.

>>5420108
Thanks, Bones. Have a good weekend!

Rolled 23 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>5420107
>YOU ACTUALLY TOTALLY FORGOT A SUIT SO JUST SOME UNDERWEAR, YOU GUESS!
The plan was to tell Mitzi about her family and either get drunk or arrested for wanton violence again. Nats, you totally should have mentioned Mitzi would make us swim! We’re not prepared!

Rolled 69 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5420136
I’ll do this and just say we’re in our underwear. I also forgot to roll, so I’ll do that now.

Rolled 95 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>5420107
>YOU ACTUALLY TOTALLY FORGOT A SUIT SO JUST SOME UNDERWEAR, YOU GUESS!

>>5420136
>>5420147
>>5420369
Tell you what--I think I got time for one more update... if I disappear suddenly then you'll know why!

>HIGHEST ROLL: 90!
Writing!

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Snorkel in hand, you snatch up your snorkel and waste no time scampering across the sand and over to where Mitzi awaits with a mixture of excitement, confusion, and embarrassment plastered on her reddening face! Quickly donning her snorkel and mask, she takes refuge underwater as you leap into the lapping waves with reckless abandon!

Immediately met with a sensation akin to climbing naked into a bathtub full of blueberry ice cream… in a blizzard… in JANUARY, your body springs into action by wildly flailing your arms and legs until you feel sensation in your extremities again! It seems you spastic movement has attracted the local wildlife, though–popping out of the water in front of you like a tanned seal, Mitzi spits the snorkel out of her mouth and smiles!

“Nice suit, Stan,” she remarks with the usual false interest in her voice as she glances at your blue striped ensemble, “what brand is that, again?”

It’s not your fault, okay?! You just thought you were gonna talk and… and eat chips or something! Nats never told you to bring a suit!

“The last time I helped you get dressed you got MAD at me!” Pouts your demonic companion!

That’s because she almost made you wea-

“Okay, dweebs, follow me and remember to take a deep breath, yea?”

Taking her advice, you pop on your mask and dive below the water to find yourself in a vast forest of coral and kelp! Following your toned tour guide, the two of you glide through the cornucopia of colors as schools of glittering fish pass by and watch you with interest!

Swooping low past some brain coral, Nats marvels as you glide past a cluster of sea anemones–the plant-like critters stuffed with families of clownfish! Dipping low through a rocky arch, caravans of blue and red crabs and shrimp brandish their claws at you as you swim through their domain, and you even spot a group of eels watching you with their saucer-wide eyes from the holes in the rock!

Finishing your journey with a quick trip through the kelp forest, Mitzi turns around and wraps you into a hug as the two of you ascend together!

>CONTD.

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>>5420425
Breaching the surface with a pair of exultant breaths, Mitzi looks at you expectantly from behind her diving mask!

“So?”

That… you rasp… that was awesome!

“Been cleaning it for years in my spare time.” She explains as the two of you drift with the gentle lagoon waves, “Back when I was a kid you had to wear steel-toed boots on this sand, and as for the fish? Forget it…”

Still holding you, the girl lets you go with a faint ‘ah!’ when she realizes what she’s doing. “But now?” She continues in a still slightly-embarrassed voice, “Well… I guess stuff has a way of repairing itself, huh?” Her expression darkens a bit as her own words sink in. “Everything…”

Yea, you nod, still bobbing up and down like an apple, you guess it does…

“A-anyways,” Segues Mitzi as she gives your forehead a flick, “The hell’re you thinking, forgetting to bring a suit, Stan? I told you!”

It’s fine, you groan, you’ll just dry ‘em off at her place or something! You wore CLOTHES, y’know!

“Yep, and it’s a real shame…” Snickers Mitz as she gives your shoulder a light punch. “We’ll chuck ‘em in the dryer when we get back, but that ain’t gonna be for a while, so-”

Wait, you stammer, b-but what about f-food…

“Oh you’re in for a treat, kid…” She smiles as her eyes dart further down the beach, “They got this Mexican place down there called CASA PLAYA? They got a window where you can just pick orders up and eat ‘em right there on the beach!” She explains with stars in her eyes! “Best… damn… tortas… ever.”

Okay, you grumble, but you’re getting food eventually! No excuses!

“Yes, princess,” Mitzi giggles as she splashes your face, “Whatever you say…”

As the conversation lulls to a halt, the tomboy lets out another pleasant sigh before glancing your way again. “So, wanna bet who can hold their breath the longest? I know you love your dares, Parble!”

Yea, you reply, well…

>SURE! LET’S MAKE A WAGER, TOO!
>SURE, BUT FOR FUN!
>LET’S JUST DIVE A LITTLE LONGER!
>ACTUALLY, COULD WE TALK A LITTLE MORE?
>I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, MITZI… (TELL HER)
>I’M STARVING! LET’S GRAB SOME FOOD!
>WRITE-IN!

Okay, that's REALLY it! See you on SUNDAY, maybe!

>>5420427
>I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, MITZI… (TELL HER)
We had our distraction. Can’t let it keep sliding though because we said we told her already at Sue’s and our memory problems are bad enough without temporal shenanigans.

No we’re not pregnant, or moving away, we’re still debating about seeing a doc and yadda yadda yadda, but it’s important since people kept their mouths shut about our memory issues for way too long even though we couldn’t do anything to fix it. We shouldn’t fall into that same trap.

>>5420533

> No we’re not pregnant,

Stan has been having unexplained nausea. How confident in that statement are you?

>>5420427
>>5420533 +1

>>5420427
>I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, MITZI… (TELL HER)

>>5420427
>SURE! LET’S MAKE A WAGER, TOO!
Loser has to buy the food.

>>5420575
>>5420533
She also had a doctor’s appointment for a missed period. If you read the ghostbin, you’d also see another hint…

>>5420575
>>5420648
I thought the date happened after the Vermont trip, and this was taking place before that. The pregnancy mention was a joke to foreshadow it.

Is my memory the one that’s muddled by time travel? I’d answer it by rereading, but I’m too fried from work now.

>>5420672
>The pregnancy mention was a joke to foreshadow it.
Oh, I understand now.

>Is my memory the one that’s muddled by time travel?
No, it’s not. I’d reread it, but I’m at work right now.

>>5420648
>I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, MITZI… (TELL HER)

>>5420648
Switching to
>I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, MITZI… (TELL HER)

>>5420672
This guy has the timeline correct, yes!

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I loved your pic of Tibius from last thread, Bones. I thought it was metal as fuck, so I did up a shoddy portrait of one of my now favorite villains. Hope your weekend is going well!

>>5422829

This is some top-tier pencil stuff-- good work, anon!

>>5422834
Thanks, anon.

>>5422829
Holy SHIT, anon, what a treat to come back to after being gone the whole weekend! I love the detail on the cloak and the antlers--makes him look just as decrepit and shitty as I imagined him with a touch of sinister, too! Thank you so much for sharing, anon--this honestly made my day!

I think I've got enough energy for an update or two since I'm pretty jet-lagged, but I know it's Sunday so we'll probably just go with one...

>>5420533
>>5420581
>>5420582
>>5420779
>>5420987
>I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, MITZI...

Here goes...

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You can’t do it. Well, you can probably, TOTALLY kick her ass in a BREATH-HOLDING CONTEST, that goes without saying, but… yea, you know what? Let’s show her what breathing’s all about!

“Sweet! Now I wonder what I should get when I win, hmMmM~?”

As Mitzi examines you like a cat perusing a fish market, you have a momentary lapse of consciousness and break free of your competitive trance! Actually, Mitz, you interject as the two of you continue to bob on the surface, there’s…

…there’s something I need to tell you.

“Cool. You can tell me after the contest.” She counters before a contemplative look forms on her face, “... and after you do whatever thing you’re supposed to do when I win. Haven’t decided what, yet…. You’re already in your underwear…”

MITZ, you repeat with all the seriousness you can muster, it’s important, okay? Really important!

To her credit, the tomboy stares at you for a moment before motioning you towards the shore. “Alright, but don’t think you’re home free yet…”

Paddling ashore, Mitzi chucks her snorkel gear into the duffel bag and lays out her towel on the sand, prompting you to follow suit.

Okay, you say as you take a steadying breath, you’ve been putting it off, but-

“Stan…” Mitzi mutters with a sheepish look growing on her face, “I’m, uh… I’m just joking around, y’know? You don’t have to pretend to like gi-”

It’s not that, you reply with a stern look on your face!

Mitzi’s eyes widen in horror. “... Oh… oh shit... Stan, did… Talbot didn’t KNOCK YOU UP, right!?”

Okay you were all set to tell her about how her family died, but that? That right there is INFINITELY WORSE! So much so that a drawn-out croak akin to a chew toy being stepped on escapes your lips as you imagine it! What the FUCK!?

“So it’s not that? Oh thank CHRIST...” Dabbing her sweating brow with her towel, the red slowly fades from your friend’s face as she lets out a sigh of relief! “I was gonna kick his ass if he did… like, REALLY kick it, Stan.”

Look, you stammer, still mortified by her first few guesses, you aren’t preggo, you aren’t moving away, though your brother DID mention meeting up in VERMONT next month or so, you aren’t in any medical trouble or whatever, but you know what it’s like when people take too long to tell you something, so…

THAT got her attention. Cocking her still-damp head to the side, Mitzi raises an eyebrow your way.

“... so?”

SO, you sigh as you push through every mental wall trying to stop you, you…

You learned how her dad and sister died, you choke as the sentence nearly catches in your throat!

>CONTD.

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>>5423143
Opening your eyes a minute after they instinctively shut, you notice that Mitzi hasn’t moved one inch from her spot on the beach, nor has she stopped boring holes into your face with her eyes.

“... I see.”

With the faintest shudder, Mitzi wordlessly rises from the towel and folds it over her shoulder along with her discarded denim shorts. Lifting the duffel bag onto her other shoulder, she silently carries the load back up the way you came.

Shit, you mutter under your breath as you gather up your clothes, what… what now?

“Now,” Nats suggests as you realize Mitz has no intention of stopping to wait for you, “Now we follow her… and quick...”

Scampering after the tomboy, you silently thank whoever’s watching that you’re so close to her house–Mitzi only has to cross one street on the way back, and when she does it’s only by divine providence that a passing car doesn’t crush her into roadkill. Not even turning to look at the irate driver, she fishes out a key from the miniscule pockets in her shorts and lets the front door swing wide open onto the porch!

Huffing and puffing close behind, you’re ready to dive through the closing portal when you realize she’s leaving it open for you. Climbing the porch and shutting the door behind you, you creep back through the entryway covered in fresh damp, sandy footprints leading back into the LIVING ROOM.

You’re just about to call for Mitzi when you spot her curled up at the foot of the couch and wrapped in her towel like a safety blanket. Peering at you through her still-dripping bangs, the girl doesn’t invite you to take a seat, but she doesn’t shoo you away either when you sit down next to her on the carpet.

Is… you don’t have to talk about i-

“Stan.” She interjects in a hollow, but serious tone.

Y-yea?

“Tell me everything,” she asks in an increasingly-quivering voice, “And don’t even THINK of leaving anything out…”

You begin to ask if she’s sure, but you think better of it, so instead you respond with a quiet ‘okay’...

And then you tell her.

>CONTD.

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>>5423144
That strike on the NATIONAL GUARD DEPOT– she remembers people talking about it, right?

All you get is one quiet nod in response.

Well, you continue, there were skeletons there… they practically ran the place by the time GOOD BOY forces arrived, but there were a few pockets of survivors holding them off…

“Dad…” Shudders Mitzi as she pulls the towel tighter around her. Yea, you nod again, her dad was helping keep people safe… and the way things were going, that probably would have worked out, but…

You can practically hear Bea’s bubbly voice describing it to you like it was yesterday. Her and her psychotic pals.

B-Boris, you continue with an increasingly shaky voice, a-and the others…

“TELL. ME.”

Her sudden snarl jars you, but it also gives you the resolve to continue. Taking a deep breath, you continue where you left off: Boris… Curt… Bea… all three of them snuck into the base pretending to get the drop on the skeletons… but they were there for another reason.

“... The commander.”

Yea, you sigh, they were going after him. You don’t know if he was holed up where Mitz’s dad and sister were, but… you falter a bit as tears start to well up in Mitz’s eyes, but Bea and Curt made sure there… there were no survivors…

A painful silence barely settles between the two of you before Mitzi breaks it:

“So you’re sure? They’re… that that happened?”

You take a moment to glance out the window for any lifeline you can find–maybe they were full of shit and her family’s gonna walk in right now? Maybe they just went somewhere else?

No dice. No matter how long you keep her waiting, Mitzi doesn’t get a surprise reunion. Y-you’re pretty sure, you stammer as you try and fail to avoid Mitzi’s gaze, all you have is what Bea mentioned… you never saw any bodies.

Searching you with her glazed-over eyes for what feels like an eternity, your friend puts an end to your suffering with a curt, quiet, ‘okay.’

>CONTD.

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>>5423145
The painful silence returns, of course, and as you watch your friend sob into her towel your mind goes into a freefall contemplating ways to make her feel better!

I’m… I’m sor-

“So that’s how it ends, huh?” spits Mitzi as tears roll down her cheeks in droves, “sis and dad died because they were in the wrong place at the wrong FUCKING time?”

That’s-

“What…” she chokes as she angrily wipes a handful of tears from her eyes, “Wh-why? Just… why would someone do something like that?”

You’ve got no clue, you shrug, Boris was always an asshole to you, but you never really fathomed just how shitty he was…

“Stan.” Mitzi asks as she covers herself in the towel, “Did they suffer?”

The question hits you like a frying pan to the face. You, uh… you weren’t there-

“BEA. CURT. BORIS.” Mitzi snaps, “DID. THEY. SUFFER?”

FINALLY a question you can answer! Yea, you nod almost too eagerly, they got what was coming to them, that’s for damn sure!

Mulling over your words for a moment, you feel the pit in your stomach grow even more when Mitzi sinks deeper into the towel.

“Y-you know what sucks, Stan?” She sobs as one of her eyes pokes out from under the towel, “Even though they’re dead? Those assholes… they still killed people. Hundreds...”

Yea, you agree in as hopeful a voice you can muster, but at least Boris and his cronies died horrible, painful deaths, right?

“... just don’t understand it…” She quietly sobs, “I just don’t…”

Watching her cry for a few moments, you move in to give your friend a hug when she speaks up again:

“Stan… got… got one more favor for you…”

Of course, you stammer, anything at all! Hell, you’ll get her an ice cream the size of GUS if she wa-

“I hate to ask…” she sobs, ignoring your attempt at humor, “but… would you mind leaving? I’m sorry, but…”

She doesn’t make it to the end of the sentence. Descending into another sobbing fit, Mitzi leaves you at an impasse–one that feels like it’s full of wrong answers…

>GIVE HER A HUG–YOU CAN TECHNICALLY STILL LEAVE AFTER!
>LEAVE. GIVE HER SOME SPACE–SHE NEEDS SOME!
>DON’T LEAVE, BUT DON’T STICK AROUND HER EITHER–MAYBE YOU CAN MAKE HER SOME FOOD OR SOMETHING?
>BACK TO THE TIME STREAM!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5423147
>>GIVE HER A HUG–YOU CAN TECHNICALLY STILL LEAVE AFTER!

One hug from Stan, and one from Stan Jr.!

Shit, folks, sorry--feeling all kinds of wiped out tonight so I'm gonna call it here for now and check back in MONDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST. That last update took fucking forever to write--hope it didn't sound too sleepy!

>>5423147
>>BACK TO THE TIME STREAM!

>>5423147
>GIVE HER A HUG.
>THE REST OF THAT PROMPT IS BS, WE REQUIRE NO LEGAL LOOPHOLES TO STICK AROUND TONIGHT.
Though if we need to leave to find ice cream, snacks, and/or booze to bring to Mitzi then that’s acceptable.

We can just camp for a bit and talk. Swap stories of our families, and pop the question of Mitzi joining us to visit Sue? Maybe we’re not sure what to expect, or that we’ll fuck things up, or that he won’t accept our apology, and then he’ll vanish from our life again. In any case, Stan could use some support.

If we’re going to stick around to see her at her worst, we may as well show her a bit of our fears too.

>>5423165
I like this. I’ll give it my +1. I don’t think we should leave, even if it upsets her. It’s safer if we stay nearby.

>>5423147
>GIVE HER A HUG–YOU CAN TECHNICALLY STILL LEAVE AFTER!

>>5423148
>>5423165
>>5423170
>>5423205
>HUG IT OUT, BITCH!

>>5423161
>BACK TO THE TIME STREAM!

You earned that Hug Achievement for a reason, I guess! Writing!

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You've never been much for following instructions, and this one's no different! Sorry, you mutter under your breath as you lean in towards the quivering mess of towel and tears slumped at the foot of the couch, but you're not going anywhere... not yet, anyways!

Mitzi doesn't respond, but she doesn't fight you either as you wrap your arms around her towel-covered form. Tears still streaking down her face like a waterfall, your friend stays strong for a few solid moments before collapsing into your waiting hug!

Sobbing some incoherent question as she presses her face into your shoulder, Mitzi thankfully doesn’t expect an answer… it’s a little weird what with her being a little taller than you, but given the circumstances you’re fine with your arm falling asleep… holding her soggy, towel-wrapped form in your warm embrace, it takes you another glimpse around the living room to realize just how many pictures are missing from the wall.

“... must be torture… living here with all those memories.”

You nod in response as you hug Mitz closer to you. It’s jarring to see her this vulnerable for once–even during that confrontation between her and Syb after Art’s ‘Death’ she still gave off this ‘larger-than-life’ aura… even more so when she helped you take down that serial killer in the art gallery. Seeing her like this, though…

It shakes you.

Even after three out of four of your limbs go numb, she’s still crying. Not that you blame her, of course–if something had happened to your parents…

… or your brother…

A thread dangles in front of your eyes as your friend continues to cling to you… one that won’t ‘cure’ her–you’re smart enough to know that much–but maybe it’ll help?

Y’know, you begin, causing Mitzi to flinch at the first words either of you have said in what must have been an hour, Sue, uh… he wants you to come visit. In VERMONT.

Mitzi fails to react.

“Seriously? We’re talking about FAMILY?”

You don’t respond–not to Nats, at least.

>CONTD.

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>>5423923
To be honest, you begin while Mitzi continues to seek refuge in your shoulder, you took your family for granted for… well, a long time. Like, your mom and dad are always joking around and playing stupid pranks on you, but… but they really care about you, you know?

You feel Mitzi shiver in your arms.

The same thing happened with Sue, you continue in a quiet voice as you caress the back of her towel-covered head, you just assumed he’d be around forever–always there to give you the answer to all of your questions, to back you up when someone tried to mess with you… you never expected YOU were the one who’d drive him off…

Your friend’s tears don’t stop, but they don’t get any worse. Feeling the weight lift from your chest (the intangible weight, at least) as your words exit your mouth, you feel yourself continuing as you keep Mitzi in your tender embrace.

You got a message from your brother right before Boris tried to kill you, you explain, reliving the confrontation knowing full-well it happened only about a week ago. Maybe, you stammer as you hear his words fresh in your ears, m-maybe he saved you back there… you really don’t know…

With everything that happened, it wouldn’t be too far-fetched to believe that Ly and the rest of your skeleton friends rushed to your aid in your darkest hour, but a part of you is certain that Sue played a part as well… like the match that sets off a bottle rocket.

And now, you huff as you feel uncertainty well up inside you, now he wants to meet up again, but something inside of you is… is terrified, you know? You get a loud sniff from your friend in response–at least she’s listening, right? You’re terrified, you repeat, that you’ll just mess things up again… because now that you’ve been so close to death, well…

You pause to swallow the lump welling up in your throat.

… you really, really can’t bear to lose anyone again.

Hugging Mitzi closer, you lean in close to her towel-covered head and whisper into her ear: you never want to lose her again either… and you’ll go to Hell and back before you forget who she is again.

Feeling Mitzi’s hot, staccato breath against your shoulder, you use your last remaining awake arm to gently rub her back.

As far as you’re concerned, you whisper, she’s your sister. And you’ll be her family if that’s what it takes.

For a brief moment, Mitzi’s sobbing stops as her body freezes up underneath the towel. A quiet question escapes from her still-sobbing mouth.

That’s right, you nod, you’ll, like, adopt her if you need to!

You’re rewarded by a single, choked laugh before she resumes quietly sobbing against your shoulder.

“Alright, I’ll chalk that up as a small win!”

>CONTD.

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>>5423924
You don’t stop Mitzi’s tears, but through no small effort on your part, made much harder with three numb limbs, to boot, you manage to lift your sister, maybe, onto the couch. Instantly cocooning herself in the blankets strewn about the surface, you get a muffled ‘thanks’ before Mitzi resumes her crying.

Freed from your tomboy prison, you wait until you regain sensation in your limbs before daring to get up off the carpet! Watching over her for a few moments longer, it quickly becomes clear that she wasn’t exaggerating earlier–she really doesn’t want to talk at all!

“She probably hasn’t had a lot of time to herself to think…” Observes Nats as you wrap your own towel around your body a little tighter when you remember there’s a whole string of windows showing off your undergarments to the rest of the neighborhood. “I don’t think this is gonna be something that gets solved in a day, sis…”

You hate to admit it, you begrudgingly reply, but she’s probably right… Still, you’d never forgive yourself if you just ran off when Mitz needed you. it’s not like you’ve got anything to do back at your place, anyways!

Spotting your hoodie and other clothes lying on the carpet a few feet away, you contemplate your next move…
>WHIP UP SOME FOOD FOR YOU BOTH! YOU CAN PROBABLY FIND SOMETHING!
>RUN DOWN TO THAT MEXICAN PLACE MITZ MENTIONED–YOU’LL ONLY BE GONE FOR A SEC!
>SEE IF THERE’S BOOZE LYING AROUND! DESPERATE TIMES…
>TRY TO DRY OFF A LITTLE–SHOULD BE A HAIR DRYER IN THE BATHROOM!
>EXPLORE A BIT–YOU’RE IN THE HOUSE, SO…
>JUST REST WITH MITZI FOR A WHILE! SHE NEEDS SOMEONE TO STICK WITH HER, NOT FOOD OR DRINK!
>YOU’VE DONE WHAT YOU CAN FOR NOW–MIGHT AS WELL LEAVE HER BE FOR TODAY!
>BACK TO THE TIME STREAM!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5422829
Also fuck you, anon, I was working today and all I could think about was that sick-ass Tim sketch you made. Asshole.

>>5423925
>PHONE A FRIEND FOR DELIVERY!
If Gus is available and not busy running for mayor, great. Otherwise we can lean on Talbot.

Ice cream, booze, snacks, pizza, bottled water since I’m sure Stan has heard all sorts of things about tap water. Check the fridge to see if any of that stuff is already around, of course.

With that arranged,
>JUST REST WITH MITZI FOR A WHILE!
until the stuff arrives and alternate between getting her to eat and letting her cry.

>>5423936
This is a big-brain play. Killing two birds with one stone. Supporting this.

>>5423925
>Also fuck you, anon, I was working today and all I could think about was that sick-ass Tim sketch you made. Asshole.
That might be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me. Thanks, DB!

>>5423936
>>5423940
>PHONE DELIVERY AND CHILL!
Writing!

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If being chased by SKELETONS for a whole week or so has taught you anything, it’s that you’re gonna need a lot of one thing and one thing only:

AMMO.

… but this situation doesn’t really require any of that, so you move onto the next one thing and one thing only:

FOOD.

“Yea…” Nats agrees with pity in her voice as you give the Mitzi Burrito a gentle pat, “She probably won’t wanna go out shopping for a while. Might be a good idea to see what food she has lying around, huh?”

You were talking about how hungry you were getting, but she’s right–nothing’s worse than having to leave the house when you’re down! Trotting over to what you assume to be THE KITCHEN, your FEMININE INTUITION strikes gold once again as you find yourself in…

… Well, to be honest, it’s not dazzling.

Sure, it’s got a really cute BREAKFAST NOOK with an old, cracked circular booth lined with a bunch of worn cushions that looks out into the unkempt backyard, but the rest of the kitchen is pretty sparse, to put it lightly!

An old, splotchy DISHWASHER is squeezed next to an old GAS STOVE plastered in ancient grease droplets, and the cabinets that aren’t missing knobs sit slightly ajar stuffed with dusty old glassware!

There’s an old FRIDGE, of course–one of those blocky, nondescript types that have been around since the early 80’s and will probably be around until the end of time. Its puke-yellow surface is cluttered with magnets from every state along with a few from NORTH AND SOUTH of the border! ‘WORLD’S LARGEST BALL OF TWINE,’ ‘SANDWORM GULCH’, ‘ELVIS’ ESCAPE POD’...

“Looks like Mitz’ dad liked road trips, huh?”

She can say that again! Popping the relic open, you’re mildly relieved to find no smells or creepy-crawlies awaiting you… but aside from a half-finished liter bottle of GREAT GRAPE, HALF A CARTON OF EGGS, A PITCHER OF WATER, AND A FEW STICKS OF BUTTER, the fridge is startlingly barren! Damn, you remark in genuine disbelief, she lives like this!?

“Maybe LOOTERS got to it and she hasn’t replenished yet?”

Hmm, you frown, who can say? Popping open the freezer, the cool air rushing past your face does little to heighten the mood. Nothing, you report with disdain, not even popsicles...

>CONTD.

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>>5424058
Thoroughly thwarted in your search, you’re just about to raid the pantry for some… you dunno, soup or crackers or something when an idea comes to mind! Wait a sec, you announce with eyes gleaming bright, you’ll just ORDER SHIT!

“OoOH, good idea!” Exclaims Nats as you whip out your CELLPHONE! “There’s gotta be a place with some good food…”

Damn right there is, you smile as you instinctively click through your contacts list to one of the few numbers you use on a near-daily basis! Clicking the call button, your phone rings once, as per usual, before promptly being picked up with a ruckus in the background!

“Hey, uh…” Grunts a familiar voice, “You uh… you want a pizza?”

GUS, you reply in a bubbly voice, it’s me!

“Oh. Hey Stan.”

Never change, dude. Never change. So, you add, how’s, uh… how’s things?

“... pretty cool I guess.” Answers the delivery man with a shrug in his droning voice. “Been busy with stuff. Good to hear from you, though.”

Yea, you laugh, thanks for the food last night, by the way!

“Been a while since our last game sesh, so… least I could do.”

Speaking of, you segue as you lean against a cupboard and nearly knock the front off, he uh… he wouldn’t mind doing a little DELUXE DELIVERY, would he?

“That’ll be extra.” He grunts, soundly taking you off-guard! Errr, you stammer, I mean-

“Joking.” He drones. “What’s, uh… your poison?”

WeEeEellllLL…

>CONTD.

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>>5424060
Collapsing onto the couch next to the still-sobbing bundle of blankets, you drape your now semi-dry towel over you as a blanket and drift into a space between ‘awake’ and ‘sleep’ that you’ve always referred to as… ‘ASLAKE!’

Despite the circumstances, resting beside Mitzi feels… well, nice. Not too long ago you rarely got the chance to snuggle up with someone with the SKELETONS around–shit, the last time you did your bedmate got possessed and tried to peel you like a banana!

… stupid Mitzi, thinking he ‘knocked you up’. It’s not like you like, like like him… like…

Nope, you think to yourself as your mind drifts back to those text messages he’s been sending you, you’ve got enough on your plate right now, thanks… and with Mitz feeling like this, well…

You’d feel bad leaving her alone now…

“-f only someone could bring her family back…”

The familiar voice jolts you upright like a cattle prod–there’s no mistaking it… you know that smarmy voice ANYWHERE! Nearly falling off the couch, you spot a shape moving towards the front door and waste no time in rushing to greet it!

Yanking the door open to greet the visitor, you’re instead met with a mammoth humanoid form clad in a familiar white and red delivery ensemble!

“‘Special Delivery’.”

Oh thank CHRIST, you sigh as you ease up a bit at the sight of Gus, you thought… you coulda’ swore you heard-

“Aren’t you cold?”

Your relief and lingering apprehension immediately shift into full-blown panic as you remember where you left your towel! SHIT, you sputter, y-y-you can expl-plain-

“No worries, dude. Seen it before.” Shrugs the delivery man as he hands you about a dozen bags–some marked with the PIZZA CAKE logo, others from ZOOMMART.

Oh, you sigh with relief, well, good!

WAIT!

>CONTD.

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>>5424062
WAIT, you growl as you get a whiff of fresh PIZZA, what’s that supposed to mean?!?

“You answer the door in your underwear, like, half the time.” Explains Gus with the usual charisma. “You’re usually drunk though, so…” Punctuating his sentence with a shrug, he glances deeper into the house. “Cool house.”

Yea, well, you sigh, it’s, uh… it’s Mitzi’s, actually… but she’s going through some shit right now an-

“Family stuff?”

Yea, you nod as you abandon your previous explanation, exactly.

“She’ll come around.” Gus declares as he gives you an eighth of a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry.”

Oh yea? How can he be so sure, huh?

“Cuz’ you’re helping her out.” Replies the delivery man as he steps off the porch towards his bike.

As if THAT explains everything, you snarl! And what about the money you owe him!?

Answering your question with a dismissive wave over his shoulder, Gus mounts his mighty steed and rides off like the cowboy at the end of a Western Flick. Watching him depart, you hear a shuffling behind you.

“I-izzat… pizza?”

Turning to face the voice, you find yourself staring at a sentient pile of blankets with one bloodshot eye peeking out from beneath the folds! Yea, you nod, and uh… SANDWICH SHIT… BOOZE… but you also grabbed her BOTTLED WATER since, like, your uncle says the regular stuff has chemicals that weaken you, or something.

“Did… did you answer in your underwear?”

YES, you groan, now can we friggin’ DROP it already!?

“Yea…” The blanket beast rasps, voice still weak from crying, “Just… just one more thing, though…”

Pouncing with alarming ferocity for someone who just spent the last few hours like a burrito, Mitzi emerges from her cozy cocoon and wraps you in a teary embrace!

“Th-thanks, Stan…” She sobs, tears still streaking down her damp, reddened cheeks, “F-for everything…”

And before you can stop her, Mitzi plants a big, thankful kiss on your cheek!

“S-sorry…” She stammers as she immediately retreats from the hug with embarrassment plastered on her face, “Th-that… s-shit, Stan, I didn’t…”

Still feeling her peach gum-flavored lips on your cheek, you stand in the entryway next to the mountain of food completely and utterly flatfooted.

“W-well, then… Th-that might mean she feels a little b-better?”

How do you handle this?
>OKAY, TIME TO LEAVE! ENJOY THE FOOD! HAPPY TO HELP!
>STAY AND EAT–MAYBE CALL HER A DORK WHILE YOU’RE AT IT!
>KISS HER BACK! IF IT HELPS HER FEEL BETTER, WELL…
>BACK TO THE TIME STREAM!
>WRITE-IN!

That's it for tonight, by the way--today was an absolute shitshow and I'm dog tired. Should have more TUESDAY AROUND 4-5PM PST! Thanks as always for playing, anons--I'm gonna miss this.

>>5424068
>STAY AND EAT–MAYBE CALL HER A DORK WHILE YOU’RE AT IT!
Like we got all this just to not take a slice of the pizza at the least.

>Thanks as always for playing, anons--I'm gonna miss this.
I have no clue what I’m gonna do with myself when this is over. Also, stop trying to make me smile with the Mitzi Burrito descriptions. I’m trying to feel bad for her, damn it.

>>5424068
>STAY AND EAT–MAYBE CALL HER A DORK WHILE YOU’RE AT IT!

>>5424068
>STAY AND EAT–MAYBE CALL HER A DORK WHILE YOU’RE AT IT!
Mitzi > Talbot, but I ain’t stringing her on.

I’ll miss this too, Bones. I was a very late arrival, but it’s been fun all the same.

>>5424068
>>KISS HER BACK! IF IT HELPS HER FEEL BETTER, WELL…

>>5424329
>Mitzi > Talbot
>Insert obligatory New Game + joke here

>>5424068
>>STAY AND EAT–MAYBE CALL HER A DORK WHILE YOU’RE AT IT!

>>5424068
>STAY AND EAT–MAYBE CALL HER A DORK WHILE YOU’RE AT IT!
Been following the quest from thread 2, hard to believe its already over.

>>5424068
>>STAY AND EAT–MAYBE CALL HER A DORK WHILE YOU’RE AT IT!

>>5424120
>>5424233
>>5424329
>>5424523
>>5424628
>>5424633
>STAY AN' EAAAAAT

>>5424423
>KISSU

Looks like SNACK ATTACK wins it! Writing!

>>5424120
Mitzi Burrito is no laughing matter--its her ULTIMATE TECHNIQUE that grinds her opponents into DUST

>>5424329
I'm glad you've had fun playing, because I've had TWICE as much fun making it, so there! Also
>Mitzi > Talbot
Objectively true. Mitzi is best girl, there, I said it. Talbot's worst boi, but Stan's pretty terrible too so it kinda works out!

>>5424507
>joke
well it's either that, a sequel, or something completely different. Might try my hand at something spooky for Halloween, but we'll see what happens...

>>5424628
>Thread 2
Not sure how your brain is still functioning, but I appreciate the constant support, anon! Stuff was still mighty CRUNCHY back in the first few threads!

File: mitzirrito.png (601 KB, 640x533)

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Standing in the entryway like scantily-clad statues, you break the tension by scooping the Mitzirrito into a hug and giving her forehead a gentle flick!

Quit apologizing, DORK, you snicker as your bullying target shrinks away from your attack! You’re just happy to see that infectious smile of hers!

“I-infectious?” Rasps Mitz as she struggles to compose herself, “W-well-”

Before she can embarrass herself any further, you toss her a lifeline in the form of a bag of PICKLE CHIPS from the mountain of bags on the floor! Catching it with her face, Mitzi nonetheless manages to grab the bag mid-fall in her still-quivering hands!

Get some of those in ya, you command as you loop your noodly arms through a few bag handles and lift them, she probably lost, like, most of her BODY SALT with all the crying she’s been doing… those will, uh, ‘refurbish’ them!

“W-well then…” Sniffs Mitzi as said infectious smile slowly returns to her damp face, “B-better get started on ‘em th-then, huh…”

Damn right, you nod as you bring the bounty of booze, pizza, and other treats into the LIVING ROOM, gonna need all the strength you can muster to OFFICIALLY ADOPT HER, after all!

“W-wha?”

“Yea, wait a sec…” Nats remarks as Mitzi stares at you in a mixture of confusion, worry, and genuine appreciation with her watery eyes, “Stan, you can’t just… you can’t just make someone a family member like that, y’know…”

Uhhhh Earth to BOZOS, you snarl as you scoop your CELLPHONE out of your hoodie as you pass by it on the carpet, this is the FUTURE, remember? You can do ANYTHING if you put your mind to it!

One pizza, several bags of chips, and a few beers later, it dawns on you that no, you can’t do ANYTHING if you put your mind to it! Well, maybe you can, but after spending at least TEN MINUTES trying to decipher the wall of legalese on the first website you found when searching up ‘How do i make my best frend a family’, you and Mitzi both decide to keep it unofficial.

Besides, she adds as you spend the rest of the night snacking and snuggling, changing her last name would probably mess up a whole bunch of other crap, so yea.

Though you fail at making Mitzi an official Parble, you succeed at something else: though your friend doesn’t talk much for the rest of your hangout, you manage to keep a smile on her face for the rest of the night as the two of you chat yourselves to sleep while watching whatever movie pops on TV.

Wounds like hers don’t heal in a day, of course, but you can safely say you’ve stopped the bleeding a bit, and that’s better than nothing in your book!

>CONTD.

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>>5424729
As time has told, your friend slowly but surely recovers from her grief, and as time continues marching on, so too does Mitzi in the face of uncertainty. Neither you nor she know what the future will bring yet, but for better or worse you’ve secured her a place at your side in the coming days…

… and all that entails.

The window into time is close to closing… but there’s always room for one more peek.

Where will we glimpse next?
>THAT’S ALL FOR NOW–THESE MEMORIES AIN’T GOING ANYWHERE, SO IT’S TIME FOR THE CURTAIN CALL.
>WRITE-IN! (WARNING: APPROACHING THE END OF MY PLANNED MATERIAL!)

>>5424732
>THE PRODUCTION OF BONES QUEST THE MOVIE 1, FIRST OF THE QUINTRILOGY AND FUTURE TOP MOVIE WITH ONE BONEILLION DOLLARS RAISED

>>5424732
>>5424747

Okay this is freaking rad-- I'm supporting!

>>5424732
>>5424747
I suppose it was inevitable. You teased us with the movie, then gave us control over the time stream.

You should have known, Bones.

You should have known someone would realize we can just watch the movie now.

Thanks you for your service, anon.

>>5424775
It... it was hubris, I suppose. Hoisted on my own petard... gonna leave it open a little longer for a few more votes, but while I do...

>>5424747
By 'production' do you mean when it's being shot and made, or did you mean, like, the premiere of the flick?

>>5424780
I meant what I wrote. I'm expecting Stanley Parble cast as Stanley Parble but I guess Natalie Portman would be fine too.

>>5424780
I know I want to see the premiere. We were already part of the production by being the real-life model the story was based on!

… Eddie, what do you mean Stan isn’t the star? It turned into a documentary of the Clearwater incident, the various villianous factions that led it to happen, the ongoing moral (and possibly magical) corruption of our leaders to hide the remaining actors who enabled it, and the ways in which ordinary citizens like Gus and Syb are standing against such interests? The HORROR!

Though this does leave the question of who our +1 is. Our whole crew probably has tickets already.

>>5424747
Fuck yes.

>>5424747
>>5424752
>>5424775
>>5424799
>>5424790
>PRODUCTION OF THE FIRST BLOCKBUSTER IN THE BONESVERSE

>>5424791
>THE PREMIERE!

To be totally honest not sure how feasible the premiere would be given a movie takes YEARS to produce, but I just thought I'd ask just in case! Here goes, folks...

LIGHTS! CAMERA! WRITING!

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Ow, fuck!

Nearly dropping the cardboard cup of coffee onto your lap, you instinctively cup your hand over your mouth as a burning pain sears the tip of your tongue! Though you narrowly manage to keep your molten beverage steady, the abrupt ringing of a production bell nearly causes you to chuck it all over yourself!

“ATTENTION: CAST AND CREW: PLACES FOR SCENE 344, PLEASE. PLACES FOR SCENE 344, PLEASE!”

With that one short sentence the massive soundstage around you explodes with activity like an anthill that just got stepped on! PA’s, tech workers, engineers, professionals of all shapes and sizes rush off to handle their respective tasks as you, well…

Well you were trying to enjoy your coffee. You can tell how well that worked out.

Rising from your director’s chair (not that you’re the director, of course), you wipe the thin layer of sweat off your brow as you stagger towards your REAL task!

Damn LAS CATALINAS, you hiss, this shithole is too damn hot!

“Ahhh, showbiz! Ain’t it GRAND?!”

What IS your task, anyways?
>ISN’T IT OBVIOUS? YOU’RE THE LEADING LADY!
>ISN’T IT OBVIOUS? YOU’RE COACHING THE LEADING LADY!
>SUPERVISION, MOSTLY! EDDIE AND TUCKER BROUGHT YOU ON AS A CONSULTANT!
>FINANCIAL OVERSIGHT–YOU TOSSED A WHOLE LOTTA’ CASH AT THIS THING!
>JUST VISITING, REALLY!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5424808
>>ISN’T IT OBVIOUS? YOU’RE THE LEADING LADY!

>>5424808
>JUST VISITING, REALLY!

I can't in good faith inflict Stan on the film trio. That burden is Talbot's alone.

>>5424808
>>JUST VISITING, REALLY!

They're filming the scene where she fights TERRY!

>>5424827

HOLY SHIT!

>>5424809
>YOU'RE STARRING IN THIS SHIT!

>>5424825
>>5424827
>JUST VISITING!

Writing!

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Your task, per the director’s and screenwriter’s insistence, is to ‘sit back and relax’, but relaxation is impossible in this glitzy hellhole! It’s bad enough that it took you a whole THREE HOURS to get driven from the airport to the studio, but now you’ve gotta relax when they’re basically filming the middle part of your memoirs?

No friggin’ way, bucko!

Hobbling towards the set, you blow on your coffee a few more times before attempting another sip, but your efforts prove to be in vain! Damn it, you hiss, this SUCKS! Movies SUCK!

“THERE you are, Ms. Parble!”

You nearly collapse into a fit as the overly-chipper voice of your assigned babysitter emerges from the shadows behind you and places a soft hand with immaculately-painted nails on your shoulder!

“Are you doing okay? Can I get you anything? Creamer? Gluten-Free Sweetener? More cucumber water? Pillow? Back massa-”

Holy CRAP, Wanda, you groan as you shake her hand off your body, you’re FINE, okay? You just wanted to watch the scene get filmed, not get POISONED by more crappy CUCUMBER WATER!

“Ermm, it’s, err… it’s WENDY, Miss Parble!” Giggles the PA as she keeps her hand on your shoulder and directs you towards the set! “Sorry, we just want to make su-”

.Sure that GOOD BOY’S ACTING CEO is feeling peachy and attended to, you recite in a voice DRIPPING with irritation and saving yourself hearing it from her for about the fortieth time today. You get the picture!

“Super!” She chirps as you hear your refuge long before you spot him.

“YOU JUST DON’T GET IT, DO YOU?!”

You feel Wendy’s hand shudder as a grin forms on your face. Now that, you giggle, is FILMMAKING!

“DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHO TERRY THE TERRIBLE WAS? CAN YOU COMPREHEND THAT PRIMAL FEAR HUMANS GET WHEN STARING INTO THE DARKNESS?!”

Using the opportunity to free your shoulder from Wendy’s clutches, you turn the corner to find your old pal TUCKER standing up on his director’s chair shouting directions at, well…

HER.

>CONTD.

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>>5424924
Her name is Sammi Paramoni, a girl with a pretty name and an even better tale: after a CENTURIES-OLD LICH woke up during your graveyard shift at the GOOD BOY DOGGIE BONE FACTORY, her illustrious life of AAA-acting work became a little less… complicated.

Sure, she had to put a few other deals on hold AND lost a few nifty PHONED-IN ROLES from PLAYING YOU IN THE MOVIE, but that doesn’t change the fact that her portrayal of you is overrun by RAMPANT IMPROVISATION! Even worse, the guy in charge of the script totally has a STUPID CRUSH ON HER! Not cool!

“Tucker, baby,” she purrs as she lifts her PROP AND TOTALLY FAKE EVENING SANITATION COORDINATOR HAT to adjust her LUSCIOUS CHESTNUT LOCKS, “You don’t think… you don’t think I’m trying to make this difficult for you, do you?”

“N-no…” Stammers Tucker in an apologetic tone as you quietly skulk towards him from behind, “But you have to understand, Sammi–this… this is a defining moment in the story–it’s the first of many tooth-and-nail battles… it’s not clean, you know? It’s VISCERAL--it’s-”

“I understand…” Sighs Sammi, clearly telling him what he wants to hear, “But it’s SO hard to act around, well… this...”

Gesturing to the menacing TENNIS BALL ON A STICK dangling a few feet away from her, the unlucky S.O.B tasked with manning it adopts a look of pure terror as the leading lady shoots him a predatory glance!

“... perhaps if someone else was taking a swing at it…”

You’re just about to dramatically stride into the scene when you feel someone else wrap their arm around your shoulders! Damn it, Winnie, you snarl as you clamp onto the arm with your hand, if she touches you one more ti-

“Lookie here, guys!” Announces the arm’s owner as he drags you towards one of the vacant chairs at Tucker’s side, “Here’s someone who can give a few notes!”

Glancing up at your escort, you can’t help but feel a little better when your eyes meet a tall, familiar guy with jet-black hair and a fresh goatee covering his coffee-colored face! “Was wondering where you ran off to, Stan!” Smiles Eddie as he sits you down in the chair next to Tucker! “You and Stan Jr. wanna see the magicians at work?”
For the last time, you snarl as you carefully settle into the chair with Tucker’s help, you haven’t picked a damn name yet!

Feeling your newest passenger give your stomach a kick from the inside, you curse Talbot’s name under your breath one more time as an overpowering craving for mashed potatoes and waffles washes over you! Where did everything go so WRONG?!

>CONTD.

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>>5424925
“Well since you’re here, Stan,” begins Tucker as the leading lady gives you a once-over with a mixture of pity and smugness in her dolled-up eyes, “Maybe you could help us workshop the scene a little bit? Y’know, give it a personal touch?”

You’d LOVE to, you hiss as Eddie takes the seat next to you, but some DINGUS said you couldn’t show everyone how it’s done!

“Sorry, Stan,” apologizes Eddie in a sheepish tone, “Doctor’s orders, right?”

“You could totally do it,” Adds Tucker as Wendy nods along at his side to every word, “But we’ve gotta cover our asses in case something goes wrong, y’know?”

“B-besides,” stammers the screenwriter as he bashfully waves to your ‘Stan-In’ on set, “S-Sammi’s a professional at this stuff, Stan! You just gotta give her a shot!”

“Eddie’s right, dear,” Coos the cheap imitation with a smug grin on her powdery face, “Leave the heavy lifting to me–wouldn’t want to strain yourself, would we?”

Oh that is IT-

“C’mon, Stan!” Eddie interjects as he settles you back into your seat with a nervous chuckle, “Sh-she’s just talking about the… y’know…”

Yea, you pout as you follow Eddie’s gaze to your protruding belly underneath a simple black tank top and your brother’s jacket, you know, alright!

“SUPER!” Concludes Tucker with a clap of his hands, “So since you’re here, Stan, mind giving Sammi some character advice?”

Yes, you nod as a malicious grin forms on your freckled face, you WOULD mind!

“Oh. Well okay then… So Sammi, you might wan-”

Wait, shit, you stammer, you meant you WOULDN’T mind! It’d be not a pleasure’t!

“Gotcha!” Laughs Tucker as he gives your shoulder a reassuring pat, “Well then… go nuts! You were there, so…”

“Just uh…” Eddie whispers into your ear, “G-go easy on her, y-yea?”

But of COURSE, you purr as a toothy grin forms on your face! But of cOOOurrse…

“... please don’t use the malicious voice on set.”

Okay, fine... killjoys…

How do you start here?
>LET’S SEE THE SCENE AS IT IS!
>SAMMI, LET’S CHAT ABOUT YOUR MOTIVATION!
>WE NEED MORE DANGER! CAN WE GET MORE PYROTECHNICS OR SOMETHING?
>ERR, CAN I TALK TO YOU GUYS IN PRIVATE FOR A SEC? (GET EDDIE AND TUCKER ALONE!)
>LEMME GET UP THERE AND WALK YOU THROUGH IT!
>WRITE-IN!

That's it for tonight, by the way! Should have more WEDNESDAY AROUND 10-11AM PST!

>>5424927
>>LET’S SEE THE SCENE AS IT IS!
on a scale of Stan to TIM how bad is it

>>5424927
>LET’S SEE THE SCENE AS IT IS!

>>5424927
>Advicse to give Sammi a human to act against. They managed to do it with a dragon in Play of Fancy Chairs, and Terry was relatively humanoid.

>>5424927
>LET’S SEE THE SCENE AS IT IS!
This is gonna be nothing like what happened, isn’t it?

>>5424927
>LET’S SEE THE SCENE AS IT IS!
>SAMMI, LET’S CHAT ABOUT YOUR MOTIVATION!
So, I need you to imagine your life as a disconnected series of off-yellow choices…

>>5424930
>>5424942
>>5425007
>LET'S SEE THE SCENE FIRST!

>>5424997
>TRY ACTING WITH A HUMAN!

>>5425096
>MOTIVATIONAL CHAT!

Writing!

>>5425286
Oh, important question! Who do they have voice acting Ly and Nats?

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First thing’s first, you sigh as you try and fail to take another sip from your smoldering cup of joe, can uh… can you see the scene as-is? That’ll get the ole’ noggin joggin’!

“Course we can!” Tucker answers as he motions for one of the crewmembers to wheel over one of the cameras. “You can see the early special effects through this–Sammi will take care of the rest.”

“Course I will!” Giggles the actress in question with a wink that causes Eddie to melt into his chair. What a bonehead…

“Okay, people,” Begins Tucker as the crew gets into position, “Let’s try this with the notes we discussed last time–and remember: TERRY THE TERRIBLE!”

Answering with a chorus of ‘Holy SHIT’s, the engineers slate the scene to begin as you watch with mild interest through the camera in front of you!

“Quiet on set… Aaaand… ACTION!”

A shroud of steam blankets the HELIPAD as Sam-err, STAN walks into frame–the camera dead-center on her heaving chest! S-seriously?!

“Hmmm,” she purrs as her hand hovers over the WHIP hanging at her side, “I smell something… foul...”

“W-w-w-watch out, Stan!”

A pang of surprise shoots through your chest as you hear a voice similar to Ly’s, and for good reason–blinking into existence above Stan’s shoulder is a cutesy, CGI Skull who could only be one person!

“D-D-DUCK!” Wait, isn’t that the guy from that one cartoon-

Dropping low before her stalwart companion can even get the command out, ‘Stan’ smirks as a ROCKET grazes her cap and sails into a distant building! “No, Ly,” the leading lady quips as a whole city block is reduced to rubble behind her, “It’s a TURKEY!”

A mammoth figure emerges from the steam–one made of computer-generated bones with a ROCKET LAUNCHER embedded in one arm, FLAMETHROWER in the other!

“STANLEY PARBLE,” Roars the bony behemoth as his clawed feet make sparks dragging along the helipad, “I’m growing tired of asking politely… GIVE ME THE DIAMONDS!”

Hm..

“Oh I’ll give you something, alright…” snickers Stan as she cracks her whip on the floor, “How about an ass-whooping?”

>CONTD.

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>>5425339
“You act tough…” Laughs the terrible turkey as he steps on an out-of-place NEESAN ULTIMATE: NOW WITH A LOWER APR THAN EVER BEFORE, “But I know who you are… and I wanna see it!”

“If you insist…” Sighs Stan as she holsters the whip once more, “Sorry, father, but I’m going to have to break a few more PACK RULES today…”

Ripping open her jumpsuit and revealing some sizable sweater puppies in a lacy bra that makes even you blush, your second-hand embarrassment quickly fades when a half-finished CGI model appears over the actress!

“Time…” Snarls Stan in a vicious, throaty growl, “To WOLF YOU DOWN!”

Letting loose a feral howl, the CGI model forms into a werewolf that tackles the turkey!

“AAAAAAnd CUT!” Announces Tucker with pride in his voice! “Good take, everyone! Good take!”

“Well?” Eddie asks with a smile as Sammi brushes her hair with a haughty smirk, “What’ja think? Was that spicy or what?”

What did you THINK!? Who came up with this crap anyways!? They oughta’ get their head examined… or REPLACED!

“Errr, Stan…” mutters Eddie in a hurt tone, “Y-you came up with it.”

Yea RIGHT, you snap as you bring the coffee to your lips again and nearly singe them off, this is nothing like what happened!

“Stan, you…” Eddie replies as he stumbles over his answer, “You told me this was exactly how it happened. Whip and all.”

WHEN!?

Pulling out a tape recorder from his pants pocket, Eddie gives you a pointed stare as he presses the ‘PLAY’ button.

“S-so just to be clear…” Begins PAST EDDIE, with trepidation in his voice, “That’s… that’s REALLY what happened?”

“Coursh it wash!” Slurs your unmistakably-gremlinesque voice, “Fuggin’... w-werewolf n’ all, baby..”

“... You’re uh… you’re not drunk, right?”

“D-do*HICK*-do I SHOUNND DRUUUNG to YOU!?”

“... you know what? You don’t.”

“Dasssh ride, honey… Imma lodda thingsh, but ‘CANADEEN’ aind onnavem… fuggen momndad…”

Pressing the ‘STOP’ button on the device, the screenwriter looks at you with a ‘told-you-so’ stare. “Well?”

Man, you sigh, you MISS getting drunk… dumbass RANGER TALBOT… Probably getting wasted in the woods right now, too…

>CONTD.

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>>5425342
“Tucker…” Groans Sammi as she pulls out a compact mirror from her pocket and touches up her hair, “If your ‘consultant’ is gonna take a while, could we all take five? I’ve got a basedcaf waiting in my dressing room…”

“Yea, just give her a second please, Sammi…” Mutters Tucker in an apologetic tone, “And uh… Stan? Any feedback you can give… y’know, like right now?”

Still flabbergasted by the script in general, you answer Tucker with a vague ‘UuuuUuUmmm’...

Oh, you begin, what if she, like, had a human to act against? It worked in ‘Play of Fancy Chairs’ an-

“I don’t work with amateurs.” Scoffs Sammi as she dismisses your suggestion with a wave. “I TOLD them to get DON JAMES, but they didn’t listen–now HE’S a professional character actor!

“Yyyea, she won’t do it with a crew member…” Winces Eddie with an apology laced into his voice. Pfft, you doubt that!

“HM?”

Nothing, you chirp, prompting the actress to pull out her phone and idly tap away at the screen! Well if THAT’S off the table…

>SAMMI, LET’S CHAT ABOUT YOUR MOTIVATION!
>WE NEED MORE DANGER! CAN WE GET MORE PYROTECHNICS OR SOMETHING?
>ERR, CAN I TALK TO YOU GUYS IN PRIVATE FOR A SEC? (GET EDDIE AND TUCKER ALONE!)
>LEMME GET UP THERE AND WALK YOU THROUGH IT! I’M NO AMATEUR, BABY!
>IS IT TOO LATE TO REWORK A FEW THINGS IN THE SCRIPT?
>YOU KNOW WHAT? IT’S COOL–YOU GUYS FIGURE THIS ONE OUT!
>TO THE TIME STREAM!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5425301
LY has always been Gilbert Gottfried in my mind. Stan/Nats, well...
https://youtu.be/ooth8swwTdE

>>5425344
>ERR, CAN I TALK TO YOU GUYS IN PRIVATE FOR A SEC? (GET EDDIE AND TUCKER ALONE!)

Maybe...just maybe tell the truth. I mean if this is Terry, Talbot is going to be a kaiju at this rate.