>>5411624
The character also needs two primary attributes that it excels in
>Strength
>Dexterity
>Constitution
>Intelligence
>Wisdom
>Charisma

>>5411624
>Dwarf
>Wizard
>Male
>Name : Urist Fonderferson
>Backstory : Wizard apprentice cursed by an infamous wizard of that horrible rape-magic book school. Had to flee wizard-not-hogwart because too many Male powerful people there. Tries to reach any amazon land to turn the curse into a blessing.

>Physical description : Young, small nose, huge blond beard and mustaches, blue robe

Attributes :
>Intelligence (good for a wizard)
>Constitution (Lasting longer... Concentrating spells of course)

I want a chuby ugly plump typical-loser to be a chick magnet, with the unwanted bro-magnet part of the deal.

>>5411624
>Human
>Barbarian
>Female

>Name: Astrid Flasher

>Physical Description : Fair skinned amazonian, large breasts, blonde hair and dressed in open leather bikinis

>excels in: Constitution and Charisma

>>5411637
Supporting

>>5411636
+1, let's find our way to Amazonia

Gonna wait for one more person to break this tie.

>>5411637
I vote for Snu Snu

>>5411637

+1

>>5411636
+1

>>5411636
+1

Mage

>>5411636
+1

>Playing as a female for THIS quest
Ishygddt
Tired of sharing this board with literal faggots

>>5411637
+2

>>5411636
I love quests with ugly non-bastards.

>>5411761
Voting for this >>5411637

>>5411637
+1

>>5411856
Coomers ruin everything, don't they?

>>5411636
+1

>>5411636
Support

>>5411856
>>Playing as a female for THIS quest
>Ishygddt

> play as male
> every male NPC wants to buttfuck us
Who is the faggot again?

>>5411636
+1

>>5412198
Not him but logically its gay either way fag

>>5411637
+1

A crown is warranted with strength!

>>5411636
This

I Am >>5411636
Did QM bailed on our ugly dawi?

>>5411637
+1
Don't let the BL win

Alright so I didn’t abandon ship. Yesterday I had to go to work when I thought I had the day off. I woke up a few hours ago and decided to take 120mg of THC. While I am eager to get the game rolling, I’m afraid I won’t have the mental faculties to run it for the next few hours.

>>5412787
give me boaners pls

>>5412800
So far it's looking like the dwarf wins

A magical midget with no sex drive is swarmed by hot singles in his area

>>5413664
96% of scientist DON'T want you to know this 1 easy trick!

>>5413696
But first it's very important that you watch this instructional video for 19.99

I’ve decided I don’t care. Best of luck to you all.

>>5413929
>flakes after first choice

You never cared.

>>5413929
Peace out, faggot.

*AHEM*

Welcome, Urist Fonderferson, to the rest of your life. You are a low value Dwarf Wizard male. You are a runaway from Pigsnorts School of Necromancy and Necrophilia. You thought you'd finally get some pussy there, even Undead pussy if need be. You were the only Dwarf on campus, the first in decades. Your clan considered you a holy omen for your incredible intelligence, with no deficit to your natural Dwarf hardiness. But you still couldn't get thrown a pity fuck at Pigsnorts, even from a walking corpse. This was due to the other wizards' advanced knowledge of sex juju magicks and long distance smell-casting. They always chose to make you smell like cabbage farts, and you never had a clue who was casting the vexing hexes.

Enraged by your involuntary celibacy, you fled into the wilds, hoping perhaps even a wood sprite or spriggan might suck you off, or stick a thumb inside your butthole. Still in your blue novitiate robes from Pigsnorts, you stick out like a sore thumb in the Summer landscape of the realm. You wipe snot from your tiny button nose straight into your dirty blonde dwarven mustache and beard, which you stopped braiding and maintaining.

You've only been in the wilderness for three days, but this place isn't like the wilderness back home. The woods outside of Pigsnorts are rife with hellish wildlife, murderous creations of amateur mages, and even criminal fugitive renegades.

All hope seems lost. You've been across this EXACT forest crossing a half dozen times before. The same boulder with the same moss next to the same brush... You haven't eaten since you left, unless you count those bugbear droppings you immediately scarfed after you came across them... Your stomach hasn't been the same since.

You briefly think of Dwarveim: home. All the citizens cheering you on for being accepted into Pigsnorts. Your family working overtime in the mines to provide you with your tuition. And, of course, you think of Meldma Smeltson, the girlfriend you left back home. You don't really give a shit about that frumpy prude, because she never put out. All you really care about is satiating your hunger... For snatch.

Just when you're about to give up and trace your steps back to Pigsnorts and then Dwarveim, a mystical being of the forest makes itself known, and changes your life forever.

The mystical being is:
>A mostly benevolent Desert Djinn, released from hell after finishing his imprisonment of a measly 7,777,777 years. (Wisdom, Charisma buffs)
>A malformed Spleen Harvester demon accidentally summoned by another foolish novitiate. (Intelligence, Strength buffs)
>The legendary King Stagghornn, a noble, gentle ungulate of the woods who has been here since time immemorial, guarding Pigsnorts since its inception (Dexterity, Constitution buffs)
>A possessed naked Drug Powder™ addict, high out of his mind and filled with foreign spirits, speaking in many different tongues. (+1,000 gold)
>? (write in, NO BUFFS)

File: morganironwolf-2.jpg (34 KB, 399x400)

34 KB JPG

>>5414802
>(write in, NO BUFFS)
hahaha look at how I punish your potentially meek creativity
muhahaha I am CHAOTIC EVIL

Also here's a sexy D&D picture to remind you of where you are. (And no, I'm not going to start a new thread.)

>>5414802
>A mostly benevolent Desert Djinn, released from hell after finishing his imprisonment of a measly 7,777,777 years. (Wisdom, Charisma buffs)

Well, youre not as retarded as the last guy i guess

>>5414802
>>A mostly benevolent Desert Djinn, released from hell after finishing his imprisonment of a measly 7,777,777 years. (Wisdom, Charisma buffs)

Dear diary, Today I found on 4chan a cool anon that took a one-post flaker's QM mantle. I really wish I could buy that guy drinks.

>>5414802
>The legendary King Stagghornn, a noble, gentle ungulate of the woods who has been here since time immemorial, guarding Pigsnorts since its inception (Dexterity, Constitution buffs)
Come on guys we get better with our hands and last longer during.... disease.

>>5411624
>Human
>Bard
>Male
>P. Ennis
>Local villager kicked a wizard and cursed him with a giant penis
>Ambiguous race, comically large penis

Continuing in a couple hours, voting still open.

>>5414802
>The legendary King Stagghornn, a noble, gentle ungulate of the woods who has been here since time immemorial, guarding Pigsnorts since its inception (Dexterity, Constitution buffs)

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>5415021
>>5414876
>>5415028
>>5415994

1 - Djinn (sends you to hell lmao)
2 - Stagghornn (shows you the Slit of Secrets inside of Pigsnorts)

File: Giant-Elk.jpg (24 KB, 294x414)

24 KB JPG

You've wandered circles in the forest for days while holding on to hope: the hope that you'll get fucking laid. But through all this wandering, there's been a surprising lack of... Life. Other than the bugbear droppings, you haven't seen any other sign of life in these woods. Man, what were you thinking, coming out here?

Simultaneously, in the exact second you give up hope, a great tremor erupts and rumbles throughout the forest for about a half a minute. Then, you see Him. From behind the familiar boulder with the familiar moss and the familiar shrubbery is a massive elk, towering into the canopy of leaves, branches clacking and snapping at the tips of his gigantic antlers. It's instantly apparent who this majestic creature is: because he's the mascot for one of the four houses of Pigsnorts. Your house. House Stagghornn.

"King Stagghornn!! You've come to protect and bless me as you've protected and blessed these lands?!" Out of respect, you wipe clean your snotty beard onto your novitiate robe.

King Stagghornn is still for a moment, then lets loose a low, bassy bray, and nods.

He sets his colossal hoof on the mossy boulder in the middle of the crossing, and tilts it over, rolling it down a hill until it unceremoniously crashes into a group of trees, which buckle but do not break as they catch it. You watched in awe while the many-ton rock was tossed around like a ragdoll, and when you turned around, King Stagghornn had already mysteriously disappeared. Looking at unearthed ground, you notice an ancient wooden trapdoor with a faded silver ring-type handle. You wanted to thank the King before he left, but you settle by shouting into the wooded wind: "Thank you King Stagghornn!!!!!"

You look at the trapdoor, excited by mystery and mirth. What lies beneath? Only one way to find out, so you draw your wand, cast an illumination cantrip, and open the door to the underground shaft.

A few minutes in... Pretty standard fare, so far. Couple of thick, dusty cobwebs. Cold groundwater dribbling from the stone walls. An ancient taste of natural mustiness in the air. The passage winds deeper and deeper into the earth. You begin to wonder if coming down here was a smart idea...

As the passage winds and you fight through a few more spiderwebs, you begin finding iridescent glowing mushrooms lining the edges of the cave floor. Eventually, you come to a wooden door with a ring handle, similar in construction to the trapdoor above. You gulp, and decide for some reason that it'd be best to knock.

*KRAK-kkk*
*KRAK-kkk*
*KRAK-kkk*

Each knock echoes, maybe all the way back up to the surface. You stare intently at the door for a few seconds. Nothing. You reach out your hand and touch the handle, and...

*Fizzt!*

Your illumination cantrip fizzles out, leaving you in the dim embrace of the rainbow cave shrooms.

File: Spoiler Image (52 KB, 848x669)

52 KB JPG

"Oiii! What gives???" You feel powerless to cast magics, and your wand has been drained, or blocked from using its powers. Only then does the wooden door open.

It's a room of pure shadow and sweet smells, like that of fresh fruit or fragrant flowers. You are pulled, tugged in to the darkness by a feminine hand on your matted beard. The door shuts behind you and it is pitch black, you can't see a thing. You begin feeling many hands, now exploring other parts of your body. They begin untying your tunic and relieving you of your equipment. You feel the urge to resist, but a new voice speaks to you, urging you to "justtt relaxxx, Uristtt". You give in, giving your body over to this experience, when you feel a slimy pair of lips make contact with your own. Your eyes dart open in shock, but you still can't see.

That's when the suction starts.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" You scream internally, then into the corpus of whatever is sucking your face. With great force, your lips are being sucked, inhaled and lightly nibbled on. The feminine hands holding you now number at least a dozen, and they restrain you from resisting the kiss. A powerful urge starts building in your nether regions. By now, you've been stripped completely nude by this entity. The suction on your face starts taking your breath and very life force away.

That was when the miracle happened.

While engaging in these acts in the darkness, your manhood becomes erect, but that's not all. It also becomes three feet long and as girthy as a bedroll. Your balls swell up to the size of coconuts, with the vigorous juices and hairs to match. You instantly know you've been granted a new power, a sixth sense of sorts, but better: you can now cum on command. You estimate you can produce 5 gallons per load, with a recharge time of a measly ten minutes.

You grin, and grab onto two of the feminine hands restraining you. You manage to toss your head away from the lips sucking the breath out of you, and shout.

"FOR HOUSE STAGGHORRN!!"

You launch buckets of cum at the entity in a high power stream, pushing the lips and all the hands back away from you. You feel the ability to summon and manipulate mana again. You activate your illumination cantrip and gaze in horror at what just had you in it's grips.

A strange species of beholder, who was able to manipulate its body to feel like a woman!! It must have been using powerful magics to mimic your language and infiltrate your mind. It looks like the beholder is done playing games now. You enraged it by shooting a bucket of hot cum in it's giant central eye, and now it has only unfettered murderous intent.

"Blast!!" You panic.

What do you do?

Suggestions:
>Run!! Back to Pigsnorts!
>Fight!! (Any low or mid level spells are welcome, but will fill up a slot once chosen. You can cast up to Lvl 3 spells right now.)
>Attempt to fraternize with and make sweet love to the Bootyholder [DC: 19]
>? (Write in)

>>5416352
>Attempt to fraternize with and make sweet love to the Bootyholder [DC: 19]
>Use our spell "Charm Monster" we totally not learned for that kind of circumstances.

>>5416388
Charm monster is 4th level
>Cast haste
>fight

>>5416388
Soon...

>>5416557
With your newfound girth, you decide to stand your ground and fight. You have just the spell for the occasion. To make up for lost time, you start weaving a Haste spell around yourself, allowing you to act twice as fast as you normally would. Your heart beats faster, and your loins recharge quicker. You'll be ready for another blast of goo soon, but not yet.

The beholder has fully recoiled from your previous spurt of goo. Upon closer inspection, you see that this creature is already severely scarred and mangled from it's apparently long life: the creature that was groping and making out with you appears to be an ancient aberration, forgotten, or perhaps sealed, within this tomb for ages. In it's prime, this creature would have easily devoured you; you're infinitely lucky that it's been crippled by age and previous battle.

Your mind races with ideas.

If you wanted to run, you could outpace that... Thing... With ease. It's still an option. In fact, you're not even sure it could fit through the door frame. But that leads you to wonder, how did it get down here? And what else is in this cavern? Is it guarding something?

Hmm...

Your hand moves to grip the Pigsnorts Ritual Dagger on your waste line, then over to your spell book. You're unsure of your next move, but King Stagghornn showed you this place for a reason. Maybe he called on you to defeat this creature?

It's time to continue writing your story, Urist Fonderferson. What is your next move?

Choose TWO actions.

Suggestions:
>Attack
>Spell (Which? Lvl. 3 max for now)
>Interact
>"Interact" ;)
>Flee

(This quest will be very loosely based around numbers and actual rules since, uhhhh, I don't know the actual rules. But we can learn together as we go :o). )

>>5416714
>Attack
>Attack
We're hasted thanks to a nice fella's recommandation so let's attack while we attack, so we can stab the thing while stabbing the thing.

Rolled 4, 5 + 1 = 10 (2d6 + 1)

>>5416725
You firmly grip your dagger and steel yourself for your first battle since you were accosted by those Drow teenagers on your the journey to Pigsnorts many moons ago.

You once again cry "for House Stagghornn!", and lunge into battle...

You can't wait to tell all the jerks and hotties back on campus about this.

Rolled 2 (1d8)

>>5416744
Dancing deftly around the aberration, you stick your dagger in a weak spot twice, with full power.

The Bootyholder flails and lets out a deep eldritch screech, a noise that nearly deafens you, on top of making your skin crawl. You gauge that the creature is probably around half HP.

Just as you are gauging things, the Bootyholder comes back with a rasping grasp, attempting to disarm you and rip you to shreds. You try to hastily scurry away, but there are too many tentacles, and this creature is rather dextrous for it's age and shape. You resist with all your might, trying not to be drawn and quartered in this dank dungeon.

(Disarm and damage on odd roll. Even roll just deals damage)

[As a level 6 wizard (starting here so we unlock lvl 4 spells next level) with high constitution and my arbitrary lack of regard for the rules, you have... 25 Max HP.]

>>5416758
The creature fumbles for your dagger, but your grip is the iron grip of a Dwarf. It never had a chance. You resist being hugged into a slimy embrace a second time, and ready yourself to finish this combat. Your loins are still not ready to unleash another spurt, but you expect to be ready to "perform" again next round.

Staying aware, you look at the surrounding area, still lit up by your illumination cantrip. It has stone walls and a dirt floor just like the passage above. Rather than tiny, glowing iridescent mushrooms, the room is filled with large, dull offwhite mushrooms about the height and width of an adult Dwarf. In the corner, partially hidden by the shrooms, you see something large and shiny on the ground, but you can't decipher what it is from here.

Still benefitting from Haste, you appraise the combat situation. The perverse creature hurt you more in the dark, sucking your face (-5HP), than it did while in the light just now (-2HP). It's lost its advantage.

You feel confident in your ability to slay this beast!

What's next, Urist?

Choose TWO actions.

Suggestions:
>Attack
>Spell (Which?)
>Interact
>? (Write in)

(You have one more turn with Haste before it wears off, giving you a nasty debuff.)

>>5416774
>Attack
>Interact tell the monster to surrender.

The battle rages on.

You approach the creature with an unbound resolve. Your erection is so hard it hurts, even through the adrenaline.

The Bootyholder assumes a defensive position, not allowing you to get a finishing blow on it's torso.

No matter, Urist Fonderferson is a survivor, he makes do with the situation at hand!

You slice at the tentacles that are preventing you from dealing a killing blow. A few of the limbs thud to the dirt. Another nasty screech.

You continue marching on your mark, dagger and wand* raised. Your benevolence has you offer one last olive branch before you must slay this beast. A part of you kind of wants to make out with her(?) again.

"Halt!! Submit to me, creature!"

DC: 12+. (Infatuate on nat 20. Roll in next post.)

*Crap, I just realized we could have had the Charm Monster spell imbued into the wand. I'll let you guys choose what the wand does, as well as continue choosing the other spells we already know. If they aren't sorted out soon, I'll throw in some ideas/options.

File: boot.jpg (46 KB, 492x492)

46 KB JPG

Rolled 12 (1d20)

"C'mon, baby, I think we just got off on the wrong foot..." You wink at the Bootyholder, and your coconut-sized balls flush with liters of semen.

Rolled 6 + 1 (1d6 + 1)

>>5417134
Success! Bootyholder has lost the will to fight, and voluntarily surrenders to you!

>>5417132
(There was supposed to be a 1d6+1 dice roll here, but we passed the Interact check so the Bootyholder is now neutral or perhaps an ally. Rolling for that now just in case.)

You gain 8,000 XP for succeeding in the encounter, as the Bootyholder is a very high level challenge. You are at 22000/23000XP, almost at level 7. (Starting off at level 6 puts you at 14000XP.)

>Go check the shiny

>>5417141
>>5417134
Nice. I would be cool with Charm Monster being in our wand.

by the way what are our stats. right now our highest score is Int and Con. Int is important for a wizard because it decides how many spells we know.

>>5417152
>Ask the Bootyholder about it's lair, Treasure, about itself (especially her name), and why it was down here.

>Make sure to reward her for her "Blessing"

File: lanter.jpg (177 KB, 499x800)

177 KB JPG

>>5417148
>>5417152 (I'll sus out the stats tomorrow, I'm turning in for the night right now. I wouldn't mind some help with the stats, if anyone can lend a hand. I think I got it, though. This won't be perfect by any stretch, as long as I'm DM'ing, but we will have a leetle fon.)
>>5417156

The Bootyholder winks at you, but won't give in to any of your sexual advances. It's incredibly beat up, not really in the mood for sexy time, seeing as it's at 10% HP. (2/20)

Even with your wiener and balls ablaze with hot cum ready to spurt, and blood rushing through all the veins, cooler heads prevail, and you decide you don't want to fuck this ancient, decrepit rapist abomination after all. You're still not 100% certain what set of genitals it has, if any.

You keep an eye on the Bootyholder as it rests up, and you scan the room.

The giant mushrooms are an edible species you recognize from your Necromycology 102 class, good for restoring HP and fending off the Undead. Usually you only see samples in Pigsnorts in corked glass jars. You stock up your satchel with some decent chunks of the stuff for the hell of it.

You examine the shiny object you saw earlier, and find that it is an elaborate entrance to what appears to be a tomb. Though it is originally a golden, bejeweled setup, it's been roughly boarded up to prevent entry... Or escape.

You look back the way you came, through the wooden door with the passage back to Pigsnorts. Then you look to the opposite end of the cave. Behind the recovering Bootyholder is a narrow shaft with a whistling breeze passing through it, lined with lanterns that look like they haven't been lit in ages.

You ask the Bootyholder for information or instruction, still not entirely sure you can trust it. It seems to understand you, and goes into a very long, winding explanation of this area, and even tells you a little bit about its past and its upbringing. Too bad you don't speak Quevquel, so it just sounds like void-nails on a spirit-chalkboard to you. You have to scream at it to stop. You figure it'd be best not to ask it any more questions until you figure out how to translate. (You understood it earlier because you were under several of the Bootyholder's spells, including a magic blocking spell and an offensive hallucinatory spell, once you touched the door and entered the lair.)

What do you do now? Where do you go?
>Leave this crypt now, and go back to Pigsnorts to tell everyone what happened.
>Investigate the windy shaft with the lanterns.
>Investigate the boarded up shaft lined in gold.
>Stay here and spend time with the Bootyholder before making your next move.

Any other actions? [i.e., eat mushroom, give Bootyholder mushroom, attack Bootyholder, rape the Bootyholder (it's consensual rape, they raped you first), ask Bootyholder to cause you to hallucinate again and enter your mind, jerk off, etc.]
>

>>5417186

>Sit on the ground and do nothing as we wait for the exhaustion from haste to wear off.

>Eat Mushroom and then give some to B.H

>allow them into our mind for communication purpose's

>ask the Bootyholder to be our guide to any library or loot.

>>5417210
supportin

Rolled 3, 2, 6, 1 = 12 (4d6)

>>5417186
well we can use standard array (15,14,13,12,10,and 8), Point buy (27 points), or 4d6 (drop lowest) for each stat. we also have an ability score improvement that can be used for a +2, 2 plus 1's, or a feat.

I would go Mountain Dwarf for +2 strength and light/medium armour
Standard:
Str: 12+2=14 (+2)
Dex: 13 (+1)
Con: 14+2=16 (+3)
Int: 15 (+2)
Wis: 10 (0)
Cha: 8 (-1)

Point-buy (27):
Str: 8+2=10 (0)
Dex: 14 (+2)
Con: 14+2=16 (+3)
Int: 14 (+2)
Wis: 12 (+1)
Cha: 10 (0)

Roll: (in priority of best stat)
Str: (fifth)
Dex: (Third)
Con: (Second)
Int: (first)
Wis: (fourth)
Cha: (Sixth)

>>5417224
so this would be a 11 or a +0

Rolled 4, 1, 3, 2 = 10 (4d6)

Rollin for Kokonut boy

Rolled 6, 2, 6, 1 = 15 (4d6)

>>5417224
Triple 6

Rolled 6, 5, 4, 6 = 21 (4d6)

You can do it, Urist

Rolled 5, 6, 4, 5 = 20 (4d6)

>>5417601
can I get that triple six

Rolled 2, 1, 5, 5 = 13 (4d6)

>>5417224
Blessed be RNGesus.

>>5417224
if you go for Roll's here is the stats:
Str: 11+2=13 (+1)
Dex: 14 (+2)
Con: 16+2= 18 (+4)
Int: 17 (+3)
Wis: 12 (+1)
Cha: 9 (-1)

>>5417224
11
>>5417247
9
>>5417601
14
>>5417608
17
>>5417643
16
>>5417645
12

so our array looks like...

Strength : 13(+1)
Dex : 14(+2)
Con : 18(+4)
Int : 17(+3)
Wis : 12(+2)
Char : 9(-1)

>>5417651
Yeah and we just have to decide how to spend our ability score improvement.

>>5417671
Also, that isn't factoring in King Stagghorn Dexterity + Constitution buff

>>5417650
>>5417651
>>5417671
>>5417716
(Thanks all, been at work, but will do my best to get an update or a few out later)
(Also, based RNGesus)

>>5417716
I think we should either go for Linguist for a +1 to Int making it a +4 and 3 languages (I would say Infernal, Under common, and Draconic or Primordial)

>>5418096
Filing out a character sheet for Urist. what's his alignment (my guess is Chaotic neutral) and background (sage)

I think we should go for lucky because sage gives us to 2 languages.

>>5418096
we rolling for health or taking average (8 per level) so we have 50 HP

File: Urist Fonderferson.pdf (679 KB, PDF)

679 KB PDF

>>5418096
here. let me know if I got anything wrong.

>>5418195
Yeah, you took necro over Scribe

>>5418332
we went to the Pigsnorts School of Necromancy and Necrophilia. School of necromancy made a lot more sense.

>>5418332
>>5418374
I must admit I'm thoroughly lost, and flattered, so I'll be watching a lot of videos/reading a lot of guides on how to do this, so I'm not fudging everything up. For the meantime, we're out of combat and doing some exploring, I think I can handle that.

---

As you harvest some Great White Mushroom, your body starts slowing down to regular speed, as does your mental processes, leaving you in a debilitating brain fog. With the Bootyholder still recovering, and seemingly not hostile anymore, you feel in no hurry to run down the lantern shaft, the gilded shaft, or the return shaft to the surface. You think you'll just lie down on this pillowy mushroom... And... Catch a... Quick rest... Right... Here................For just a se-.........zzzzzzzzzzz.........................

...

Ş̷͇͛h̷̳̜̔̀k̸̼̹̚l̴̜̊ǘ̴̺̮r̸͙͊̓p̴̳̈́͝*̸̳̊͐
̵̼͐*̵͍̂S̵̜̯̃̓ ̵̰͐L̸̗̩̈ ̵̥͍̀̾U̶̼̍ ̵̮͌̕ͅR̵͖̦̚ ̵͍̝̀P̸͎̭̄̿*̵̼̦̑
̶̩͉͐*̸̥̈́s̵̤̩̊ ̴̻̒h̵̯̜͒ ̵̹͕̀l̶͍͘ ̵̓u̷͕̍ ̶̌ř̵̼ ̴̜̍p̶͚͎͋̎ ̵͔̉̍p̸̼͠*̴̴͖͖̽̽

!
!!
!!!

"Oi, that tickles!" You awake to the Bootyholder, nibbling at the Great White Mushroom chunks in your satchel, and scraping you with its oddly smooth tongue.

You fell asleep down here?!?! You're lucky this aberration is feeling playful and not vengeful! You decide, as a show of good faith, to share a meal of mushroom with the creature you defeated earlier.

You were honestly thinking you were about to get laid and finally lose your virginity after all this time. You were so ready to tell everyone at Pigsnorts about it, too. Maybe you'll embellish something. (Darko Foymalf, the Drow captain for House Blystertyt's Ditchquid team, probably won't believe you.)

With the knowledge that Bootyholder comprehends you, but cannot speak to you without harming your sanity, you begin wondering if there's another way... "Hey, uh... Thing..."

The Bootyholder directs its attention to you, but seems a little irked.

"Sorry, I don't know what to call you. I was thinking, though. It seems like when I was under your spell earlier, you were speaking to me in Common, and I did understand you. If you promise not to assault me again, sexually or otherwise... I'd like to know your name, friend. I'd also like to know if you are imprisoned or entombed in this cave, as it seems you cannot return to the surface. Perhaps we can work together, to both of our benefit?"

Hours of mind manipulation, sexual assault and broken promises later, you finally come out of the hallucination, drenched in some viscous, foreign fluid. You're disgusted, and shivering cold (and that's saying something for a hearty Dwarf like yourself), but you've got a newfound understanding of the monster. Its name is Qibbi, and thank the fucking stars: it's a she. Qibbi was summoned here from an ethereal plane where she wandered aimlessly, but happily, for millennia. She has never seen the surface of this world, but she longs to.

Qibbi's summoner, who has forbade Qibbi from mentioning them by name, sealed himself in the gilded passage deeper in the earth, taking an entire retinue of spellcasters with him. This happened... Many, many moons ago. Qibbi has lost track of when that happened. Surely at least a few years ago, at minimum. She warns you that she still detects potent magical forces down there, but no sign of life. Qibbi is too large to travel down the gilded shaft.

The only place Qibbi has ever been, beside this mushroom chamber, is down the passage with the old lanterns. It only leads to another chamber, about equal in size to this one, but instead of mushrooms, there are only forgotten, defunct tools and some remnants of ore and crystal, mined from the small quarry ages ago. There is also a wooden door there, too small for Qibbi to pass through; she has no idea what's on the other side.

"So you've been trapped here all by yourself for years... That's so sad..."

All 17 of Qibbi's eyestalks begin weeping tears.

It must be getting dark outside by now. What do you do, Urist?

Suggestions:
>Have Qibbi take you through the lantern passage to the mining chamber.
>Tell Qibbi you've got to retrace your steps and head back to the surface, and Pigsnorts, but you'll come back for her, promise! (Truth? Lie?)
>Pry open the wood over the gilded passage and descend into it. Tell Qibbi to watch the entrance.
>Murderhobo time, you have an urge to kill then rape Qibbi.
>? (Write-in)

>>5418601
>>Have Qibbi take you through the lantern passage to the mining chamber.
What's behind the door?

>>5418601
>Have Qibbi take you through the lantern passage to the mining chamber.
Possible magic loot, good thing we have identify.

Wait wait wait.
Let's get and mix:
4 Leaves of Mint
1 Human Skull Pressed
1 Squirt of Squid Ink
2 pints of Monkey Blood
1 Live Chicken
3 oz of Brimstone
THus, the road to monkey island will reveal itself

Rolled 2, 4 = 6 (2d4)

>>5418655
>>5418611
Another door, huh? You wonder where it could lead... You've got to find out.
1 Just a small supply closet full of rust-consumed equipment. Literally nothing of value. Except, wait, what's that in the corner? It's a clue! Jinkies!
2 Secret passageway to the girl's bathroom in House Hussiepuss at Pigsnorts.
3 Secret passageway to the girl's bathroom in the House Hussiepuss at Pigsnorts.
4 It leads to a forgotten mine filled with the skeletal remains of a miner, and tons and tons of truemetal - what others call mithral.

But first, did someone say... ORE AND CRYSTAL? Like any other healthy Dwarf would, you frantically insist that Qibbi take you to inspect the quarry, stat!
1 Nothing but rubble and junk rocks
2 Nothing but rubble and junk rocks
3 You find an eons-old, magically imbued, Dwarven pickaxe!
4 Just as you're about to give up, you find a Gem of Life!

(Writing)

>>5418670
Lolwut

>>5418670
Woops wrong thread

>>5418600
we're taking about what Wizard subclass we are. A wizard can pick a subclass at level 2 and if gives you bonuses as you level up. it's giving us Necromancy Savant, Grim Harvest, Undead Thralls. http://dnd5e.wikidot.com/wizard:necromancy

by the way can we talk to Qibbi in undercommon. normal Beholders know that and Deep Speech

>>5418885
Sorry, and thank you for the correction. I knew I'd be getting things wrong. Bear with me while I read up a bit more on Urist's (and Qibbi's) abilities and background. I'll still try to get an update out within the next 24h.

>>5419134
you didn't get anything wrong. As the QM/DM you could just say that Qibbi as a Bootyholder doesn't know Undercommon and besides we just finished creating our character sheet (so before then we didn't know undercommon)

>by the way can we talk to Qibbi in undercommon. normal Beholders know that and Deep Speech
It was meant as a question and as a QM/DM you have the final say. so far your doing pretty well for someone who hasn't played DnD and suddenly took over for flaky DM

>>5419145
We'll go with "Bootyholders don't speak Undercommon"

>>5419162
and that is fair.

Not that I give half a shit, but isn't this a blue board?

>>5420594
Damn did you get QM banned?

>>5420682
I didn't narc, I'm just saying.

>>5420705
That's exactly what a narc would say

Still here, in fact I wrote a paragraph about how I was going to be updating soon! also wrote some other shit about the state of the board but blegh, whatever, looks like it got deleted instead of getting posted, probably an error on my part. I plan on definitely posting within the next 14 hours, hopefully more like 2.

>>5421121
this taste like honey to my ears

As you walk down the lane of lame lanterns, led by your new aberrant friend Qibbi, you... Smell something... Something you didn't smell before, thanks to all of Qibbi's mind tricks and pungent fluids...

Some slight seismic activity, moistness...
Remnants of blast powder...
Fae oil, typically used to power headlamps...
Your Dwarf senses are tingling. Or are you just happy to see me? ;)

You're venturing into an abandoned mine shaft!! Score!! You can hardly contain your excitement, you haven't even sniffed a shaft since you started your first semester at Pigsnorts. You thought Limerock Quarry, hundreds of miles from here, was the closest ore mine; you couldn't have imagined there was a quarry right under your nose.

The excitement dissipates quite a bit as you reach the belly of the barren beast. You smell the burnt fae oil more sharply now, but see no headlamps. No carts, not even a pickaxe. All that truly remains to let any commoner know there was ever a mine here are the lanterns and the sparse wooden infrastructure that was built to prevent cave-ins.

This mine has been abandoned for so long, Great White Mushrooms are beginning to grow here, just like the last chamber where you battled Qibbi, but these shrooms aren't mature yet, they're only about a foot and a half tall by a foot and a half wide. Judging by their size and development, you think it's safe to assume this mine hasn't been accessed by anyone other than Qibbi in about 80-100 years, when she likely started spreading the shroom spores here.

Instead of pondering deeply and piecing together Qibbi's timeline in this hole, you walk, as if magnetized, to a nearby tapped vein. It's so completely mined, you can't even tell what ore used to be down here; you won't even hazard a guess. It must have been an incredibly important metal in order for people to go to these extreme lengths to take every single trace of metal ore, not even leaving a pebble for Urist to study. The last party must have slaved for years, maybe even decades, to disappear every last bit of precious ore from this place. Due to the ancient look of the lanterns, you guess that this whole place was mined clean before Qibbi was even summoned to the mortal plane.

You're discouraged, but not heartbroken. You resolve yourself to start going through piles of rubble, and even digging or picking further into the walls and floors if that's what it takes to find something of note. Qibbi waits for you, hovering and confused, but silent, not wanting to speak and ruin your Dwarven concentration with her nightmare-inducing squeaks and shrieks.

An hour passes, and the sparkle in your eye is gone.
Another hour down, and your grin loses its brightness.
Couple more hours, and your matted, dirty blonde hair loses its sheen, more from the layers of dust and dirt, than from losing hope.

File: gem-of-brightness.jpg (73 KB, 800x917)

73 KB JPG

You're now much more aware of Qibbi watching you. You figure she thinks you're an idiot, that you're wasting your time. Don't you want to explore beyond this musty old shaft?

Fine, fine, fine. One more pile, then you're done. You reckon it must be around 2-4AM, meaning dawn is about to crack outside, but it's probably still dusk for now. You hope that little nap earlier didn't distort your perception of time. Either way, just about time to move on. You've been sorting and sifting through rock for hours and all you've got to show for it are black fingernails and an empty potion vial, with the glass cracked in several places.

You stand up, defeated, wishing this whole episode could've been undone, or fast forwarded through. You curse your luck and kick a rock. You follow the stone with your eyes as it haphazardly tumbles a few feet ahead of you. As it comes to rest, you are transfixed with that rock, and it's symbolism in your life. Before you think anything too deep and groundbreaking, haha get it? Mining? Deep? Rocks? Groundbreaking? Ahh, I spoil you guys. I hope you are all ROCK HARD. (Your spirits, not your dicks.) Okay, back to the story, sorry. you see a glimmer. You try focusing on it, but whatever it was, it's gone dull from this angle. You cock your head around like an itchy wyvern, trying to find an angle where the object will glimmer again.

There it is, next to where you found the cracked potion vial.

"A-ha!! Gotcha!!", you exclaim, arousing Qibbi's interest. It's no surprise she didn't find this on her own -- this thing wasn't just hidden, it was utterly lost until you came along.

The item you found is a small crystalline gemstone, icy blue in color, but warm to the touch. You smile and your mind feels at ease as you twirl the gem around and look through it as light dances in and out of its many jagged faces. You've studied this gemstone before you came to Pigsnorts, and again at Pigsnorts in your Crystallomancy class with Professor Zneip.

You hold in your hand a legendary Gem of Life, a one-use item capable of raising the dead and bringing their soul back to its home, no matter how long they've been departed from this world. But beware, insanely chaotic things have been known to happen when these gems shatter before they are used. You could be horribly transformed forever, or sucked into a new world, or even turned into a zombie, among other mysterious fates. The effects of breaking a Gem of Life aren't well understood, because they are so incredibly valuable and hard to find, and no one wants to volunteer to be the test dummy. At least, no one has ever returned to tell the tale.

You doubt this whole chamber was filled with Gems of Life, but who knows? There's no evidence one way or another, and with the sparsity of the mine as a constant reminder, you doubt you'll find another Gem of Life even if you spent another week, or a year, or a century down here. You got lucky, real lucky.

You instantly feel the burdensome weight of this two ounce gem. The power of life over death; the power of life after death. But if you break it, the gem also contains the potential to irreparably change your life as you know it.

"Neat." You say, as you huck the gem in your back pocket, and continue your bizarre journey as if you didn't just spend almost a quarter of a day just sifting through over a ton of rubble. "So, uh, Qibbi, can you show me that wooden door you were talking about, the one from my induced hallucination?"

Qibbi's main eyeball squints closed as she smiles, and hovers over to the wood door. Working the metal ring, you get the door unstuck from the jamb after just a few solid tugs. You reveal a twisting passageway, identical to the one you descended down, minus the miniature glowing rainbow mushrooms. It's really the only place left to explore other than that strange chasm with the boarded up, bejeweled, golden door.

Qibbi starts to look a little sad, but tries to hide it and remain cheerful. She realizes that you'll be exploring this hall without her, and you realize it, too. You can't stay down here forever. You're about to tell Qibbi that, but decide it sounds a little insensitive. Instead, you take one of her slimy eyestalk-tentacles as if it were a maiden's hand, you look into Qibbi's main eye, half a meter in diameter, and say "I'll be back for you, girl. Promise."

Your ascent is bittersweet, you're leaving a new friend in need behind, in order to find out more about how to help her, as well as learning more about your school and yourself. Your mind begins to wander after about 10 minutes of climbing up. This passage isn't as neatly hewn as the first passage that King Stagghornn showed you, and you stumble more than a few times. By the end of the journey to the surface, Urist is steaming mad, having tripped and fell so many times. The Gem of Life is intact still, but it may have been loosened up from almost getting crushed a few times. When you realize what almost could have happened, you get angrier and start swearing: your normal method of de-escalation and calming down.

In the distance, a faint response to your cursing: "Teeheeheeheeheeheeh- OHMIGOD did you hear that??!? It sounds like an angry little man!! Shut up, shut up, listen!!"

A few seconds of silence go by, and you figure you should join in, to avoid detection. Where did that voice come from? Another, slightly deeper, female voice: "Like, oh my god, Tiffanil, you're just hearing things! You're so crazy!" You begin walking quietly up the secret passageway while they talk.

"Shut up, Birgetta! I'm serious!"

"What-EVER!!! Aaaaanywayyyy, Joolala, there I am, in my Basics of Necrophilia class, and who walks in?"

"Whom was it?" A third female with a voice much, much deeper than the other two, almost masculine.

"You'll never guess... Darko Foymalf!!!"

Squealing in unison: "AIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!"

"He's SO dreamy."

"Like. I know!!! Duh!!!"

You absolutely despise this conversation until you come across a crack in the rock, with light spilling into the passageway. Looking through a hole in the wall, you see three women in front of a large mirror lined with sinks. You've come across a women's bathroom inside one of the Pigsnorts buildings.

The human, Birgetta, is a slender, sassy little number.
Tiffanil, a Drow, has short hair and a HUGE rack, you can tell she's a little more shy than Birgetta.
Joolala is a female half-Orc with the looks and temperament of a female half-Orc - 'nuff said.

They appear to be winding down from an activity or preparing for a new one, because they all begin stripping nude!! Joolala remarks about a mole on Birgetta's back that she doesn't recall seeing before, to which Tiffanil informs her that it's always been there. Your massive three foot hog is swelling out of control, and as it rapidly grows, it thuds against the passageway wall, making a loud noise that frightens the naked Pigsnorts girls. You see in all three of their faces that they heard your dick noise and were frightened by it, but they don't say a thing to each other. They all get towels and walk out of your view from the slot in the wall. You hear a nozzle turn on and water start flowing.

Tiffanil says "oh come on, I thought you guys were ready to bathe already! We just spent like 50 minutes getting ready!"

Birgetta, back in sight now, with blood trickling down her left leg, is running to a bathroom stall: "Ugh, I just got my period... Let me clean up before I get in the bath!"

Joolala, for some indistinguishable reason, says she's "gonna put my hair up in braids real quick, so I don't have to wash it again so soon."

While Joolala rambles about vitamin deficiencies and the lack of products on the market for half-Orc hair, you happen upon the end of the tunnel. It seems to empty out into one of the bathroom stalls from a hidden door in a false wall, the stall just next to Birgetta.

What do you do?

Suggestions:
>Cut a quick glory hole in the stall and launch your magnum dong through the other side for Birgetta the Human to nibble on
>Go after Joolala the half-Orc, walk right up to her while she's doing her hair, and stick your massive cock right up her bum
>Join Tiffanil near the tub, sneak up to her and start rubbing her shoulders and sniffing her hair, licking her neck and ears, groping her flesh-and-milk bags
>Announce your presence and make a grand entrance, angle your way towards a foursome with these stunning babes (and the half-Orc too)
>Do a drive-by one-Dwarf bukkake and launch a significant load at all three of these Hussiepusses, then jet
>Wait until the bathroom is empty and covertly infiltrate Pigsnorts until you find your way back to your dormitory in House Stagghornn, like nothing happened
>? (Write-in)

>>5421574
>>Do a drive-by one-Dwarf bukkake and launch a significant load at all three of these Hussiepusses, then jet

That or bleaching the Drow with Urist' kokonuts.

>>5421574
>Cut a quick glory hole in the stall and launch your magnum dong through the other side for Birgetta the Human to nibble on

>>5421574
>Wait until the bathroom is empty and covertly infiltrate Pigsnorts until you find your way back to your dormitory in House Stagghornn, like nothing happened

>>5421579
>>5421736
>>5421787
Thank you for your votes, friends. Leaving this open for another ~12-24 hours. Tiebreaker roll if needed.

Rolled 1 (1d3)

>>5422123
here's your tie breaker
1 drive-by one-Dwarf bukkake
2 Cut a quick glory hole
3 Wait until the bathroom is empty and covertly infiltrate Pigsnorts

>>5423132
That's the one I think I really wanted anyway lol

I'm unexpectedly really busy with work and home life. I'll try to update tomorrow, but it may be an extra day or two.

Also still trying to learn more about DnD/DM'ing still, does anyone have any recommendations on a crash course or starting point?

>>5423162
The most important thing is to have fun. Make your own shit up based on assumptions and a glance at monster manual, and player will interpret things as "I quite like how QM is approaching this setting, it's similar enough I fell like I understand it, but has enough differences to feel fresh and mysterious"

>>5423168
don't be afraid to bend some rule's for rule of cool or to move the story along.

while it's good to plan ahead player can be unpredictable so instead of clinging on for dear life to your plan or being railroady be willing to go with the flow.

Hey QM, are you ok?

>>5425151
Yep, just getting shat on by work and chores around the house (I'm in the process of moving right now, and hooooly fuuuuck did I underestimate how much work was left to be done. Computer/wires are also packed up so I'm stuck to phoneposting which makes me write slower.) But I should be able to return to a post every day or two now. I've got plenty of time this morning to write an update, and the vague shape of this particular update has been on my mind for a while.

Bukkake cumming soon!
https://youtu.be/TOO7tQ_t3qA

>>5425200
Yeah, life can get hard. Do your best mate

Creeping on the two hotties from House Hussiepuss (and the half-Orc Joolala), you find yourself completely aroused. All the brilliant thoughts in your mind slip away as blood circulates away from your brain and into your growing erection... Losing all... Politeness... Decorum... Common sense... And critical thinking abilities... Must... COOOOM!!!!

You jerk furiously as you watch the remaining woman in the mirror braid her hair, when you hit a road block: the grunting and plopping of Birgetta in the bathroom stall. Seems like she's doing a bit more than just cleaning up period juices in there... It's disgusting. You can barely even jerk to this. You angle your eyes around the peephole and try to find the Drow with the massive tits, but she's out of sight, likely with her balloons submerged in the tub anyway. Hnngggg...

With Dwarven expertise, you analyze the geological patterns of the rock wall keeping you hidden from Pigsnorts. It's sturdy all around. No place for covertly busting out another peephole, not without making a LOT of noise.

Your loins are steamier than otyugh breath, and there really is no returning now. The brain in your pants is doing all the thinking, and the brain in your skull is just along for the ride.

Gooning furiosly, but trying not to blast, you scan the Hussiepuss bathroom with vivid imagination, thinking of what it would be like to be there now. The smells, the sights, the sounds! You close your eyes and imagine it all, until it can't do the trick anymore.

*Splish*
*SPLOOSH*
*Giggles*
"Finallyyyy!!" -Tiffanil

You open your eyes and reveal an empty mirror and bathroom. The girls must all be in the tub now. You've got to move in closer, you're starting to feel like a loser in a cave with his Dwarf dick on his hand.

Carefully and quietly entering the bathroom stall through the hidden door, you successfully infiltrate House Hussiepuss's women's bathroom without a hitch. But how will you get out of this stall and back to your dorm now? You'll figure that out later. For now, you can see all three bathing Hussiepusses through the crack of the stall.

*FAPFAPFAPFAP*

The girth of your cursed (magically enhanced?) penis causes you to emit struggling masturbation noises you never knew existed. You accidentally grunt aloud while doing the deed, alerting the students to your presence.

"Huh?!" -Joolala
"Eek! Someone IS here!! I told you guys we were being perved on!!" -Tiffanil
"Come out of there right now, mister, or I'm casting a Fireball at you that'll melt yer cock off!!" -Birgetta

That last threat took you over the threshold. You feel gallons of liquid being transferred around in your body...

*SLAM!!!!!*

You burst open the stall door, dressed in dirty clothes, with dirty hands and face from foraging the Gem of Life. Your erect cock is sticking out three feet from your stomach, nearly taking you off balance and off your feet, but you spin around on your heels as you make your grand entrance, and catch yourself in time to orient your tip towards the tub. "A-haaaa!!!" is all you can triumphantly muster, until your words get cut off by the sound of pleasure wracking your vocal chords. You jizz. And jizz. And jizz.

The disgruntled look of surprise in Joolala's eyes and tusks.
The sheer look of terror in Tiffanil's dark visage and even darker nipples.
The unrequited anger in Birgetta's puckered face and butthole (the latter of which you can't see, but imagining it helps you to cum even more wildly).

The flow is even stronger than when you were blasting Qibbi earlier, whom you assume to be much hardier than these young women. How fast is this stream going? 250MPH? 300MPH? Double that? Somewhere in that ball park, you guess.

In mere seconds, you've cut a swathe of cum through the air, nearly causing a sonic boom.

The Cum Ray pummels into and through Joolala's chestplate for a few seconds, leaving a wide hole you can see through.

You pivot slightly to the left and slice clean through Tiffanil's skull, lopping off the top of her head and leaving her jaw attached to her body, as it sinks and slips into the tub.

This carnage... NOOO!!!! This isn't what you intended to happen!!

Birgetta begins to react by raising a wand she was keeping hidden, and mumbling an incantation! Fearful of a Fireball coming your way, you aim at her wand, and end up blasting her entire hand off. Birgetta cries in agony. Unable to control your flow, and only with about a gallon of goo left in the tank, you decide to finish this horrendous deed by disintegrating what's left of Birgetta with it. When you're done, she's just meaty chunks of viscera floating in the tub, and nothing else.

Post-nut clarity is kicking in HARD now.

You've killed three of your classmates with your potent sperm. You stare in abject terror of what you've just committed. Before your morals can begin to rationalize or rend apart your conscience, the morning bell to start the school day rings... It's nearly 5AM. Zero period begins in five minutes... Everyone will be waking up, and some will be walking the halls to go to their early morning classes, or worse - this bathroom! And even worse yet, you have a zero period class to attend today!

File: Dhogwarts.jpg (75 KB, 794x768)

75 KB JPG

Going back through where you came and circling back to Pigsnorts the long way would take over half a day! You decide to keep it cool and act natural, and just walk through House Hussiepuss back to House Stagghornn, where your class is at. It was a good strategy until your frumpy human female friend, Myhernee, notices you bumbling about in the halls. "Hi, Urist! Say, what are you doing in House Hussiepuss?" She greets you with glee, then a puzzled look and a question. She then looks down and notices your black hands, and then your massive pud jammed in your trousers. You now have a permanent giant bulge in your pants. Great, as if being the only Dwarf on campus didn't make you stick out enough already.

On the spot, you tell Myhernee that you were just visiting a friend.

"Oh... Well... Hussiepuss IS an all-female house, Urist. You really should leave before you get caught by one of the Guard Golems!" Was that a tinge of disappointment in learning that you were visiting a female friend late at night/early in the morning? You'll have to follow up with Myhernee later, she still cares enough to warm you about the automated security systems in place at Pigsnorts.

"Oh, uh, right, thanks." You play it cool and keep your head down until you're out of the house, then you run across the courtyard to House Stagghornn for your next move. Zero period starts in less than 5 minutes.

What class do you have for zero period, by the way, Urist?
>Basics of Necrophilia with Professor Zneip
>Ethics of Sexual Levitation with Professor Mumblemoor
>Mister Riddhagg, the on-campus hermit and groundskeeper, wants to teach you one-on-one how to tame and breed Oozes, in an informal class he calls Oozomancy 101
>? (Write-in)

Do you attend this class today?
>Yes, immediately. You'll look a little battered and dusty, but at least you'll be on time!
>Yes, but only after showering up and changing clothes. Better late than never, and appearance is everything.
>No, school sucks, I want to do other things today. (Optional: What would you like to do instead?)

>>5425276
Wasn't ready to pack a litteral WMD in my pants. We need to fix that. It's useful, but I don't want to kill our next cuties

>Basics of Necrophilia with Professor Zneip
Professor Zneip, the world-renowned inventor of Necrophilomancy?
I don't know what a necrophilomancian does, but it doesn't sound like a nice guy

>>Yes, but only after showering up and changing clothes. Better late than never, and appearance is everything.

>>5425276
>Mister Riddhagg, the on-campus hermit and groundskeeper, wants to teach you one-on-one how to tame and breed Oozes, in an informal class he calls Oozomancy 101

>Yes, immediately. You'll look a little battered and dusty, but at least you'll be on time!

>>5425574
changing to
>Yes, but only after showering up and changing clothes. Better late than never, and appearance is everything.
I imagine having sex with a slime girl won't cause them to die like those girls. we may be stuck with Qibbi and slime girls until we fix that.

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>5425341
>>5425791
Indeed, sex with normal girls will be difficult right now...

1. Perhaps you can entrap some lewd slime girls with Riddhagg, or even have him inspect the ooze you produce inside, and have him show you how to alter its properties.
2. Or maybe you'll learn something worthwhile from Professor Cerberus Zneip's class on necrophilia, like how to bring back a dead loved one as a soulless Husk, or construct a sexy Bone Devil that can withstand a full-power Cum Ray.
(Rolling)

Either way, you decide to tidy up before class, even if it'll make you a tad late!

(Update in 3-18 hours hopefully)

>>5425887
I wonder if I'll ever win a tie breaker.
by the way what are our other periods.

Damn; i would had choosen Riddhagg if I wasn't a brainlet and thought he could help us alter ooze. (Am >>5425341)

Rolled 4, 10, 2, 10 = 26 (4d10)

>>5425916
Good question...

1st period = first roll
2nd period = second roll
3rd period = third roll
Mulligan = fourth roll (only used for replacing a duplicate roll)

1 Riddhagg's Oozomancy 101
2 Mumblemoor's Ethics of Sexual Levitation
3 You are Mumblemoor's new aide in his Advanced Necrophilia class.
4 Zneip's Defense Against The Dark Sharts
5 Lupus Penus's Drugs, Deliriants and Dosages
6 Lupus Penus's Poxes, Puses and Pandemics
7 Moldyvore's History of Necrophilia
8 Moldyvore's Underwater Necromaintenance
9 the "Dwarves Suck Class" you attend alone, as instructed by Darko Foymalf's father, who is a professor here but refuses to teach Dwarves anything about necromancy OR necrophilia. You weren't allowed into his Significant Smells and Scents of the Grave class, and were sent instead into this witch's broom closet.
10 Riddhagg's Wyvern Taming Class

>>5425972
>>5425965
>>5425916
Double 10's have spoken

If you like, you can swap Wyvern Taming for Oozomancy 101 for 2nd period.
(Other classes are locked in.)

(No update tonight, hopefully tomorrow around noon.)

>>5425975
don't worry about update rhythm, you already delivered today.
Alright Tiebreak-loser anon, I'll give you my support whatever you choose regarding wyvern taming as somehow all my choices are the one rolled, and you have good input. So should we swap Wyvern taming to oozomancy to fix our killer blast?

>>5425972
Since oozomancy 101 is informal and not an actual class would it be possible to do during lunch or even after class.

>If not then replace wyvern taming for oozomancy 101.

>>5426162
As promised,
>Support

File: download (14).jpg (8 KB, 211x239)

8 KB JPG

(Writing, about halfway done but taking a break. Update incoming soon.)

>>5427102
Zneip...Snape.
please tell me were not his Neville.

>>5427162
Funny you should say that, with what I have written so far. I'll leave an air of suspense hanging about, until I post the actual update.

Fair warning though, I know about as much about Harry Potter as I do about DnD.

>>5427246
for the record a Boggart (a shapeshifter that changes into your greatest fear) changed into Snape to scare Neville.

>>5427392
Useful info which may or may not worm its way in to our story

Update is coming, I just keep getting called in to work on my days off lol. And I'm in the process of moving so I'm a wee busy. Expect something by Tuesday night for sure, update is already about half written.

>>5429499
See you then

>>5425273
>>5425274
>>5425275
>>5425276

Being called out by Professor Zneip in front of the whole class for being late will be less humiliating than being called out for being a sweaty, dirty, little man. You make the civilized choice.

You wish you could savor this shower, and process what just happened in House Hussiepuss. Those poor girls... Missing a class isn't an option, though.

Even in a rush, you're 25 minutes late to class. You left your dorm room in fresh clothes with a clean body, but still with a matted and wild looking beard. When you get to class, Zneip is talking about why it's important to "not be a fool, and wrap your alchemical tool". He makes eye contact with you on your way in while saying this, and makes an indifferent or disgusted look, but doesn't address you, and allows you to take your seat.

Your assigned seat in this class is right next to Villnev Shortfront, a bumbling Halfling flunkee who stays in Pigsnorts only by the grace of his family's prestigious name, and deep-as-fuck pockets. He's fighting the urge to fall asleep, posting his head on his elbow on the desk, snot bubble puffing up and down. He's about to lose the fight against slumber.

"Alright, class, everybody take out your necrotized manuscripts and turn to page 667." Alan Rickman... I mean, Cerberus Zneip doesn't sound very enthused that he's teaching the remedial class early in the morning. Zneip sips manglemane tea and continues his lesson.

You and the other 11 students in the small class produce a book and flip to the specified page. All except your desk mate, Villnev. Cerberus Zneip slowly walks up to him. The class looks on with anticipation, even you are a little scared.

You're a teenaged Dwarf, barely able to hide your prohibitively large hog under the desk. You don't recognize anybody in this class other than by their patches on their uniforms. 7 Blystertyts, 3 Ravencocks, and then there's Villnev, the only other Stagghornn in the class. Zneip was a Ravencock himself, and shows clear preference to their house in his instruction. Zneip is now lording over the diminutive Shortfront.

You, being a Dwarf, and Villnev, being a Halfling, are the two shortest, plumpest people in class, both sitting at the same table, both the only Stagghornns in sight. The rest of the class are tall, slender Humans, Drow, and one Catman in Blystertyt. Zneip is himself a Drow, slender and tall. He has a deep, piercing voice when he shouts: "SHORTFRONT!"

Villnev startles awake and slips out of this chair, crashing on to the ground, to the applause and laughter of everyone but you and Zerberus Zneip. "Yes, Professor?" Villnev surprisingly answers.

"You ARE paying attention, aren't you?"

"Of course, Professor!"

"Then you can tell me the answer to last night's homework. How many nightberries go in a Death Smoothie, provided they've been whipped and cooled them overnight?"

Shortfront blanks out, and can't think of an answer. He says three and a half.

"Incorrect. A shame. Young Fonderferson, perhaps you know? If neither of you can answer, I'll be forced to deduct points from House Stagghornn. How many nightberries is it, young Fonderferson?"

>>>>>>>>Roll 2d20!!!!!

>First Check!
(DC: 12. Best of all rolls.)
>>5418195
Nature: +3 to roll! (Thanks once again for the chart!)

...

After zero period is over, you have a moment to sit under a fyffxop tree and enjoy its shade for a moment. You've decided you must control this cum cannon in your pants if you ever want to have a normal sexual encounter ever again... Do you? ...Either way, can't get found out for those murders, you didn't even mean to...

And another thing, what of Qibbi?

Also, what of your education here, how will you return to Dwarveim if you don't learn what you need in order to help your homeland?

While deep in thought, Myhernee spots you and joins you under the fyffxop trees just as you are standing up to greet her.

"Ready for Defence Against The Dark Sharts, Urist?"

"Not really. One class with Professor Zneip per day is enough, I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment!" You rub your belly as you say glutton, as a sort of joke. This causes Myhernee's eyes to be directed to your waistline, where her eyes bulge nearly out of socket as she notices your massive soft cock, currently coiled up in your trousers, like a pit viper or fire hose.

"Uh..." Myhernee stutters as the bell sounds throughout campus once again. "Well, I suppose we should be getting to class!" Myhernee is a Stagghornn just like you, even though she has several friends in Hussiepuss. You've overheard Hussiepusses saying that she was too ugly to join their house, that's why she's a Stagghornn. You don't think she's ugly... Just the dictionary reference picture for the word "frumpy". She's got frump written all over her, even for a fit, young, Human female. Despite that frumpiness, she's really nice and smart, and was one of the only people to be decent to you since you arrived at Pigsnorts.

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In minutes, you are seated in class for first period. This class is much larger; both the lecture hall, and the class size. There's at least a dozen students from each House represented here in this class, with a significantly large representation of Ravencocks.

You've already put some of this class's lessons to use in the real world. Today, it's a basic lesson on controlling flatulence around eavesdroppers, and gaslighting onlookers. Some students are having difficulty mastering the incantations being taught, letting rip poorly crafted Defenses Against The Dark Sharts. The smell in the room becomes unbearable, but for some reason, it's giving you an erection!

Myhernee once again notices. You begin moaning lightly and tilting your head back in your seat as you lose blood flow to your brain. You're finding it difficult to control your body... Can't fight off... The Dark... Shart!!!

*SPLOOT*

Your pants nearly rip in flame and bodily chemical anguish!! In the midst of the lesson, too!! Did anyone hear?! Was Myhernee grossed out?

>Second check!
(DC: 10. Best of all rolls.)
Sleight Of Hand/Stealth (DEX): +2 to roll.
+1 to roll if you passed the first roll, via Professor Zneip.

>>>>>>>>Don't forget to roll 2d20!!

There is an uncomfortable moment of silence in the classroom...

(+450 XP per successful skill check! You're almost at Lvl. 7, Urist!)

After this exchange, Zneip takes the class on a field trip. There is an exercise in the Garden of Weeping Cocks, where you are able to mingle with another student in the class before the lesson:
(Choose only one.)
(All following characters are in this class, whether you choose to approach them or not.)
>Myhernee, your redheaded frumpy human Stagghornn friend who is rather adept at magic. She's your age.
>Donald Skreazly, your goofy Stagghornn Halfling homeboy. This nigga is tight, yo. He's got your back no matter what, you feel. He's 18, just one year younger than you.
>Darko Foymalf, a Blystertyt Drow you more or less consider your enemy. He's so popular and he always makes fun of you for being a Dwarf... He's three years older than you.
>Millie Murderface, a House Hussiepuss girl you happened to know in Kentucky, before you came out to Pigsnorts. It was surprising to find out she was a witch, just like you were a wizard. She is also three years older than you, in Darko's class. She's known for having an interest in recreationally flying brooms and playing Ditchquid, she's very athletic.
>Write-in

Optional: Choose a conversation topic with the chosen student.

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>5430577
I'll go with 2 anon rolling 1d20, best of two system?

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>5430579
Second roll for dark shart. Will choose conversation based on roll results.

>>5430584
Knowledge check looking grim
>>5430586
Fart concealment looking great

Leaving the rolls open for ~24 hours. If we can beat 18 on the second slot, we'll unlock something special.

Help me, tiebreak-losing anon. You're my only hope.

Rolled 19 + 3 (1d20 + 3)

>>5430579
here is the nature check.

Rolled 12 + 3 (1d20 + 3)

>>5430579
by the way did we get the Dexterity and Constitution buffs from the legendary King Stagghornn or do we still need to go through the blocked door.

second roll here.
>Myhernee, your redheaded frumpy human Stagghornn friend who is rather adept at magic. She's your age.
ask her how her day's been and her favorite class. lead the conversation into if she knows anything about curse's.

>>5430878
Well play, anon!
Did the +1 and +2 DEX allows the 18 to get us something nice?

Here's my input
>Interact with Darko Foymalf
Use our darkest shart mastery to sneakily gas him
>then, supportin' Myhernee
"It suddenly got big. Help me. It's dangerous. I made a inch-sized hole in stones by mistake"

Nice rolling

>>5430893
Yes, we got those buffs, forgot to confirm that/update the stats (I am still very poor at this, sorry)

>>5430906
And factoring in the bonuses, we'll say the "something special" has been unlocked.

Continuing tonight or tomorrow morning with results of the rolls, pranking Darko Foymalf in front of the class, and pleading with Myhernee for help.

>>5430909
so is it a plus 1 to the stats (putting Dex to 15 (+2) and Con to 19 (still plus +4)) or is it something else.

are we doing best of 3 or best of 2 system.

>>5430913
Yes, +1's (was originally going to be +2's but I realize now that's a bit much)

And for now it's just a best of all rolls. Subject to change later. Open to heading your thoughts.

Got a good chunk of writing done already, might be able to drop tonight.

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>>5430952
Hearing* not heading

>>5430952
Best of all rolls is a good system.
However, regarding our character sheet, feel free to crank up the "normal" DC
It can be around 14, and we'll succeed 50% of the time in the skills we're strong, less in the skills we suck. And that's not even taking in account the best-of system. For player engagement, you can allow for now as much roll as players. Feel free to make new IP (like mine, as a filthy often-phoneposter) to backlink to other IP for rolls, that'll avoid scams

>>5430952
personally I would go with either first roll (since we have lucky and can get 3 reroll per long rest for attack rolls, an ability checks, or saving throws)

or a best of 3 system with a nat 1 being an instant fail and only being countered by a nat 20 (or lucky). I've also seen a nat 1 used to knock out the top roll (unless it is a 20) forcing players to use the "middle" roll (Eg using a 9 when the rolls are 1, 9, 18 or 12, 1, 9). a nat 20 is a instant (and often times critical) success.

>>5430984
I don't think we'll have to worry about "scams" because their is like only 3 of us playing. I'll just use a name.

>>5430993
Good call.
Plus, I'm pushing for quest-contained namefagging

(+900 XP!)

Knowing there are 23 whipped and cooled nightberries in a Death Smoothie earned Stagghornn 3 points! Not much, but it felt good to help move the needle for the team. Villnev thanked you for saving House Stagghornn's ass. He seemed genuinely impressed by your Intelligence.

Zneip did, of course, award 20 points to Ravencock ten minutes later, just because one of the students was wearing the House's beanie. Actually, not even the official beanie, it just had one of the House's colors on it. You hope Zneip won't continue displaying this obvious favoritism.

Current points by house:
Stagghornn: 203
Blystertyt: 287
Ravencock: 1,335
Hussiepuss: -12

You're trying to focus on learning spells and fending off Dark Sharts, but you've lost concentration, and have just let loose a loud, sloppy, wet, Dwarf fart. And everyone knows that Dwarf farts are stinkier than regular farts. The chattering class stops chattering and begins looking and sniffing around, and displaying their disgust with twisted faces and hurtful words.

Thinking quickly, you flap your massive cock back and forth under the desk, fanning the nearly-visible pungent fart cloud towards Darko's direction while he meditates with his eyes closed. Sweat drenches down your face in beads, and your beard wicks every drop. You stand up, point, and speak clearly for everyone to hear.

"Hey everyone, Darko just succumbed to the Dark Sharts! He just shat himself!!"

A riotous cacophony of laughter ensues, it takes over a full minute for Cerberus Zneip to regain control of the class, even he chuckled at the joke. Once.

Darko Foymalf's typically gray face is beet red with embarrassment. No one is buying his (truthful) denial of the shart. He is taking all the heat for your flatulence that no one knows is yours. In his rage, all he can do is shake his fist in the air and curse you. "Ooooo... Fonder!!"

Myhernee, your desk mate, squeezes your arm in approval while she laughs and looks on at Darko's humbling. A rogue thought passes your mind for a split second, then it enraptures you.

...No. You'd rip Myhernee in half now. You'd literally manslaughter her with your massive hog, in its current state.

You're sure Mister Riddhagg will have some solutions for your penis next period, and you can't wait to see him. But that class is over an hour away, and having this cursed phallus is driving you crazy! Especially when you start to get a boner and the blood rushes out of your brain and into your freakishly large vas deferens... Like right now!-oh. Nevermind, false alarm, just a half-chub, but it went back to sleep.

You snap back to reality, and notice you've been accidentally staring at Myhernee's face for a minute or two. She hasn't noticed, as she is paying close attention to the lesson. She's such a good student. In fact, she's a wiz at studying and retaining information. She's probably read more books in her first year at Pigsnorts than all of Blystertyt has in a decade. That's not saying much, though, since those slack jawed brutes are more likely to ingest a tome than read one. Still, Myhernee is wicked smart. You decide to inquire with her about your "little" "problem". You reason, if you can't trust Myhernee, you can't trust anyone on campus. Well, there's Qibbi, but she's an eldritch aberration who speaks a foreign language that rends the walls of your brain.

You tug on the elbow of Myhernee's robe.

"Not now, Urist!"

She's fascinated with the lesson. You look around, no one is paying attention to you. On this hot summer day, with the sun pouring through the windows of the classroom, you begin to pick up a waft of Myhernee's natural body odor. Her sweat... Her hair... The scent of her clothes... You go half-chub again... Fuck!!! Hnnnng!!? Wha-?! Gakk-!!!

Thoughts slipping away as your girth expands...

No, not here!!

Hnnnnngg...!!!

Rahhhhh!!!!

Rrrrrrrgggggggkkkk!!!

Before you reach a full salute, you tug on Myhernee's robes again, barely able to control your actions anymore.

"Not now, Urist, what has gotten into y-eek!" She manages to stifle her own scream by covering her mouth with her hands. She sees you struggling, and becoming erect.

"My...Her...Nee... Help... Me..." You're clutching your chest as your veins and arteries vacuum away your blood to your monstrous wang.

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Myhernee gets the memorandum. "Um, Professor? Urist isn't feeling well, I'm going to take him to the Matron in the hospital wing."

"That's fine, Myhernee, but please do not disturb the class. Another outbreak like that in this classroom today, and Stagghornn will be deducted 50 points."

Myhernee scowls at an inattentive Zneip, before carting you out of the room. The young Donald Skreazly, your friend, sees this going on, and decides he needs to take the bathroom pass and join you two in the hall a few moments later.

When it's just you and Myhernee in the hall, you find trouble asking for help.

"What is it, Uri?"

"..."

"It's this, isn't it?" She grabs a fistful of cockhead without breaking eye contact. You blush and wordlessly stammer, mouth agape. Myhernee continues, "I think I know what to do about that."

Skreazly approaches in a hurry, bright green hall pass in hand. Myhernee blushes now herself, and lets go of your manhood.

"Oi, Uri, what's wrong, mate? You weren't in our dorm room last night. You okay? And why'd you start freaking out in class like that? Is everything alright, Myhernee?"

Myhernee butts in, "Urist will be fine, we think he just has, erm, mana mites! The Matron will take care of them right away, probably. You should go now before you get us all in trouble! And wash your sheets once in a while, Uri told me how filthy you are!"

You're coming out of the she-just-touched-my-cock shock. What's your move in this moment?

>Talk with Myhernee in private about your genitalia
>Invite Donald into the conversation, he could have valuable insights
>Write-in

Your class with Mister Riddhagg is coming up soon; he, Donald and Myhernee are just about the only people you trust on campus, other than Mumblemoor, the oldest living necrophiliac/necromancer known even as far as Dwarveim, some suggest he's immortal.

Do you tell anybody about Qibbi and the Slit of Secrets?
>No one, yet.
>Myhernee
>Donald Skreazly
>Riddhagg
>Mumblemoor
>Zneip
>All of Pigsnorts
>Other (Write-in)
Choose as many as you like.

Lunch time is coming up after you return to Defense Against The Dark Sharts, before Oozomancy 101. What do you do during lunch before second period starts?
>Eat in the cafeteria
>Talk with someone on campus
>Play with yourself to relieve some stress
>Play another prank on Darko
>Train your magical prowess against Miniature Gigantic Spiders in the nearby Fourbitten Forest before class
>Write-in
(Choose one or two)

>>5432435

>Talk with Myhernee in private about your genitalia


>Myhernee
>Donald Skreazly
trust the squad.

>Train your magical prowess against Miniature Gigantic Spiders in the nearby Fourbitten Forest before class. also use it as an opportunity to lease some stress with our "Weapon" and maybe kills some beast.

>Eat in the cafeteria

>>5432435
>>Invite Donald into the conversation, he could
have valuable insights

>Myhernee
>Donald Skreazly

>Train your magical prowess against Miniature Gigantic Spiders in the nearby Fourbitten Forest before class. also use it as an opportunity to lease some stress with our "Weapon" and maybe kills some beast.

>Eat in the cafeteria (especially pineapple)

Rolled 2 (1d2)

>>5432445
>>5432819
Now for the moment of truth

1 - Tiebreak loser (Private talk with Myhernee)
2 - Piña (Include Donald Skreazly in the conversation)

>>5433179
ay lmao

Few more updates then I'm taking a break in order to run my other quest I promised my players I would run at about this time. I will come back in another month or so with a fresh thread for this, hopefully with more DnD knowledge and some renewed interest, it seems like we had a lot of interested people at the beginning of the thread. Though, we have shifted a tad bit from what was promised. Oh well. I have loads of ideas where we could take this story from here, eager to see how it all plays out. Thanks for playing guys, you make this fun!

Next update coming likely Friday, Saturday or Sunday at the latest.

>>5433179
I seems like I'm living up to my name.

>>5433185
what over quest do you run.

>>5433252
Among others, You Are A Craigslist Killer.

>>5432445
+1
I am a sheep in wolf's clothing

>>5433185
>>5433265
victory!

>>5433265
Well play, lurker.
Now let's hope Myhernee won't try to relieve pressure and get her head blown

>>5433559
We can only hope that the dice gods have mercy on our sins

>>5433263
Huh, hello there Fae! I was wondering where you went, hadn't seen any of your usual quests pop up in a while!

>>5433185
You alive QM?

>>5436839
I was debating writing this update earlier, but decided against it. I guess you lost another tiebreak without even realizing it

Just been busy the last few days, but I've finally got some time to write now!

>>5436839
>>5436990
Fate is a cruel mistress

>>5436990
What about the lurker who voted with me? Or am I truly cursed?

>>5437193
>>5433662
Luker has indeed saved you

>>5433840
Also, hi

>>5437193
I am no stranger to mercy

>>5433263
You promised that the quest would come back in October!

For some reason I keep agreeing to come in to work on nearly every single day off I have. Oh yeah, because I'm fucking poor. Anyway, I'm gonna get drunk as fuck tonight and try to shlam this update out still. Expect 2-3 more updates before thread closes. Next thread will be called something new, most likely. Probably something with Urist Fonderferson in the title. I'm still wanting to learn more about DnD stuff (I know it says 3.5e in thread title, but I've been mostly looking at 5e sources). I want to give us a level up before we start the new thread, especially since we're right on the cusp.

>>5438250
I still have time! I didn't forget! I'm also flattered that you remembered!

>>5438599
Try fucking rich people, they have more money. Sounds like a better career plan than prostitution towards poor people.

Really disappointed with myself for not getting the update out yet. Sorry, fellas. It's coming.

>>5440931
I'll check back tonight before I go to bed.

>>5440931
It's okay, real life can be hard.

Rolled 5, 15 = 20 (2d20)

Perception checks to detect Miniature Gigantic Spiders

>DC: 14

Urist's WIS mod +1 [first roll]
Donald's WIS mod ?? (We'll say +1 as well) [second roll]

(Wrapping up the bulk of the writing)

Rolled 3, 3 + 1 = 7 (2d20 + 1)

>>5442487
here both rolls.

>>5442487
unless you were talking about just your roll.

Rolled 1 (1d1)

(Apologies for the massive wait.)

Myhernee scowls at Donald and says she really needs to talk to Urist alone.

Enticed by the possibilities, you horse around with your buddy Donald and say, "yeah, beat it, Skreazly!"

With a scoff and an eye roll, Donald replies "yeahhh, alllroight mate. Just don't inflate your cock any more Uri, or you just might burst! You'll have to show me that spell next time we kick off our moccasins in the Staggdorm!" He saunters off towards the restrooms, hall pass visibly in hand, utilizing any chance he can for reprieve from the supposably cruel Professor Zneip.

Skreazly, with his limited information, still thinks it's all a trick. Meanwhile, Myhernee knows better. Whence you reach a flower garden twixt three fyffxop trees, Myhernee shows you how much she knows, and inquires about everything she does not yet know.

"Who did this to you, Uri, and why? We need to grab ahold of this problem and nip it at the bud." Myhernee snatches the base of your flaccid, still-enormous cock, then lets go immediately, as if she only grabbed it by accident, or impulse. A graduate of the Poxes, Puses and Pandemics class, Myhernee recognizes that your current ailment matches nothing from her school books. She deducts this is the work of a sacred curse, or the darling result of some unstudied or forgotten tome.

"Where did this happen to you?"

You struggle to come past your silence, but you end up telling the whole story to Myhernee. Qibbi, the Slit of Secrets, everything. Well, everything except the sliced-in-twain Hussiepuss girls. She doesn't need to know about that right now.

Myhernee asks for a moment to herself to meditate. Typical Human behavior...

She deducts a possible solution for you. Even though Professor Lupus Penus doesn't teach a remedy for this in his standard classes, Myhernee feels as though he will have answers for your affliction. You'll just have to catch him during his free time after school today.

After walking and talking down this open-air corridor for a few minutes, Myhernee unexpectedly shoves and yanks you into what looks like a janitor's broom closet, and closes the door behind you two.

It's pitch black, Myhernee pushes you against the stone wall and sneaks her cold, pale hands up your tunic, and starts grabbing at your youthful but plentiful chest hairs. Since you're a Dwarf and she's a Human, she's a good foot taller than you. It's getting steamy, fast. Your erection zips out so quickly, it actually blasts Myhernee into the opposite wall, dealing 1d1 damage to her.

"Oh, yeah, Urist, give me that Dwarf cum!!!!" Myhernee is directly in front of your peehole, which is now widened enough so that you could comfortably slide an envelope inside!

You fear you might actually kill her if she stays in the path of your cum! At the last second, with the very last bit of self control and autonomy you have, you twist your hips to the left, and wreak havoc with your goo, devastating the broom closet. In the dark, Myhernee doesn't see the gallons upon gallons you shoot, but she does feel some percentage of the backsplash on her skin, and you both heard the noise the semen stream made, snapping brooms in half and carving ruts into the stone walls. You decide you need to get out of here before anyone comes to investigate.

You pull Myhernee out of the closet and she has her eyes closed with a wide grin. Your cum is all over the right side of her hair, face, sweater, skirt, legs, socks and shoes. She's covered in cum, but unharmed. She's stuck in a dream. You look up and there a plaque over the door that reads: YE OLDE BLYSTERTYT DITCHQUID BROOM CLOSET

You just destroyed hundreds of thousands of gold pieces worth of Ditchquid brooms... Well, playing Blystertyt this weekend should be an easy win for Stagghornn! You get Myhernee to come out of her postcoital daze, and suggest that she goes back to her Staggdorm to clean up before someone sees her and asks her about all the cum all over her. She's entranced when she says goodbye to you, gazing in your eyes and holding your hands before departing.

You end up finishing Zneip's class longing for your next meeting with Myhernee. You hope you don't need to defend against any more dark sharts any time soon, you were having some trouble back there in the first half of class, and even when you were in the Ditchquid closet with Myhernee. Any way, it's lunch time now and you have a little over an hour to spend.

Myhernee didn't return to class, but Zneip didn't notice, nor did he comment when he caught you sneaking back in. You know Myhernee goes to the library to study for her upcoming Significant Smells and Scents of the Grave lesson every day for lunch, so you plan to leave her alone to her studies.

You meet with Donald Skreazly before departing the classroom and head towards the cafeteria with him. You're so excited to eat, but once you get there, instead of the usual diverse and abundant smorgasbord, every long table is filled with nothing but rows and rows of smoked hams, each with a single round slice of yellow pineapple and single red cherry on top. Skreazly moans something about being vegetarian, but you don't really mind. Come to think of it, the last thing you ate was Qibbi's Bootyholder bootyhole! Oh yeah, and those mushrooms, but the hole tasted slightly better.

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After Urist had eaten 3 full smoked hams by himself, he delved into his recent debacles and debauchery with his good friend Donald, everything he told Myhernee, again avoiding telling Donald all the gory bits in the girl's bathroom.

Donald's eyes are the size of pie tins, and his Halfling ears stand at attention, poking through his red hair. "So that's why you weren't in bed last noight. Well, at least you lost your virginity, I'm so jealous!" Donald smiles honestly, with his mouth open.

You burp a modest burp. "I'm not sure if... Uhh... That counts as losing my virginity. And in fact, I'm going to need you to keep that all a secret..." Donald's smile fades and his ears droop, his empty stomach growls. You continue, "for now, at least." Donald perks up again.

You burp a modest burp. "I'm not sure if... Uhh... That counts as losing my virginity. And in fact, I'm going to need you to keep that all a secret..." Donald's smile fades and his ears droop, his empty stomach growls. You continue, "for now, at least." Donald perks up again.

As you walk out of the cafeteria, there is still plenty of time between classes, and your next class is with Mister Riddhagg anyhow, and he won't mind if you're a bit late... Or even absent.

Donald asks: "So, uhh, Uri... I need to collect a few corpses to practice my necrophilia, but I still haven't learned many offensive spells, and you know how lousy I am with a blade... Or a bow... Or a bowstaff... Simply put, mate, I was wondering if you could help me slay some of the local beasties, so I can rape their dead bodies?" Urist looks at him weirdly for a second... Donald chimes in, "I'll let you tea bag them!"

You're a real nigga, so you of course agree to help your boy. The sloppy seconds will be just another cherry on top for lunch.

[Donald Skreazly, level 6 Halfling Cleric, has joined your party!]

I'll get his stats/sheet sorted out soon, unless one of you really feels like doing it. I still don't have a desktop so I'm updating from my phone. I'm still not sure what to do to determine Donald's stats. Not sure what his abilities/skills/spells are but let's just have him be a standard-ish Cleric but with few or no offensive spells. If we don't flesh him all the way out, we'll just copycat Urist's stats/HP for Donald for this combat and spitball his abilities. Sorry for phoning it in on this part, I still have much to learn and not much time to learn it presently.

After a short walk, you and Donald reach the Fourbitten Forest, which Mister Riddhagg's shack happens to be on the edge of. You should have plenty of time to ramshackle and tea bag some of the creatures, hopefully something easy like Gob-Dobbies or Land Squids (they don't move too good). Unfortunately, you don't find anything along the perimeter, and need to stab deeper into the trees to find anything.

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You quickly get lost and find that venturing further into the Fourbitten Forest was a mistake. Riddhagg warned you about going in this deep without him, and now you see why. You find yourself completely surrounded by fine yellow webs, whose silk is strong as steel.

"SPIDERS could be here," Urist thought. "I've never been in this neck of the woods, there could be SPIDERS anywhere." The cool wind felt good against his half-flaccid, unraveling cockroll. "I HATE SPIDERS," he thought. Memories of Qibbi's hallucinogenically induced moans reverberate through his brain, making it pulsate even as the discounted surplus smoked ham circulated through his thick, cholesterol-caked veins and washed away his (merited) fear of arachnids in forests. "With a cursed boner, you can kill anything you want," Urist said to himself, out loud.

"Uri, what the fuck??! HELP!!!!!" -Donald Skreazly

By now, several Miniature Gigantic Spiders have already descended upon the group! Four, to be exact!! You've been ambushed! Urist is Surprised and can't move, act or react! The Miniature Gigantic Spiders are fast on the move on the interlopers in their Fourbitten Forest! Donald manages to act first!

Because Urist had been Surprised for a turn, he's frozen in fear, he can't fight through the panic!! He can only watch in miniature gigantic terror!

Donald Skreazly is able to act before the duo is completely descended upon! What does he do?

Suggestions for Donald Skreazly:
>Attack a foe with Pigsnorts Ritual Dagger (roll a 1d6+1)
>Use a spell (which?)
(Spell suggestions: Blindness, Sanctuary, Daylight, Death Ward, Contagion, anything else a level 6 Halfling Cleric going to Pigsnorts might know. Donald has none of these until you explicitly use or learn one, then it takes up a slot for him.)
>Do some Halfling shit!
>Flee! Urist can also flee next turn!
>Write-in

These Miniature Gigantic Spiders look weak, they can't have more than 25-35 HP a piece, from what you can guess. They're not very well armored or very dodgy either! (AC?)

(Both Urist and Donald are at full stats after having gone to the cafeteria)

File: download (44).jpg (13 KB, 256x256)

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FUCK I fucked up and emitted some text. I've been doing this all on my phone and it's a pain in the ass. Rather than try to delete and repost everything, I'll just add in what I accidentally didn't post. Fuck, I make you wait for an update this long, and I shit it up this bad. /facepalm

Missing text goes between first two posts...

>>5443875
...Dealing 1d1 damage to her. She doesn't care; she's ravenous. She pounces on you again, kissing your neck and cheeks and forehead, and sticking her tongue in your mouth. Now, she's pulling you in by your beard, sucking your tongue with all she's got, and stroking your cock over-the-trousers the best she can. It's way too girthy for her to get even a quarter-grip with just one dainty hand. The girth and length is about equivalent to 4 pineapples stacked on top of each other right now, but it's still growing in both dimensions. Losing... Blood flow... To brain... Again!

"Myhernee! Stop!! Grkk...!!"

"Oh, yeah, Urist...
>>5443876

Literally just all erotic fluff, but I hate myself for fudging the update. I'd redo it but it'd take me like 20+ minutes to do on my phone. Sorry... I do have combat pretty well planned out, though, so the next post shouldn't take... Two weeks. Seriously, thanks for sticking with me, guys. I still plan to do another full non-combat update or two before putting this quest on hiatus for ~1.5-2 months. I will come back stronger.

good update QM
Can we get flavor-based bonus Size doesn't mean anything, the important matter is taste after all for eating pineapple?

>>5443883
>>Use a spell (which?)
Spiritual Dick-on : a local variant of spiritual weapon were our caster use the might of ancestry dick-slappping mastery of his bloodline to conjure the phantomatic dick of one ancester. The flying ectoplasmic dildo can be thought-control like a regular spiritual weapon, but it can also be used in the bedroom.

>>5443919
It'll taste glorious

>>5443924
Donald Skreazly casts Spiritual Dick-on!! A pimply and bent, but thick spectral Halfling cock materializes! It's dripping neon green ectoplasm!

...

Looks like Spiritual Dick-on deals increased damage if it occupies a higher level spell slot. Which spell slot would you like to use it in? (Up to 6th, minimum is second, I believe.)

Deals 1d8 at second slot, gets an extra d8 for each level above. If no answer received in a few hours, I'll say Donald learned it at the fourth level (3d8). Max is 5d8 but takes a high level spell slot (sixth level).

(I hope/think I'm doing this right)

>>5443935
Scratch that, I can't read. It's +1d8 per every TWO levels above the second.
So 2d8 at 4th level and 3d8 for 6th level.

Please let me know if I'm discussing/using the spell slots incorrectly.

Spiritual Dick-on also allows for a bonus action each turn - another Xd8 attack anywhere within 25ft of the first target. This spell will last for 60 seconds, about 5 full rounds of combat.

>>5443945
I would say 4th and have it hit the closest spider.

I'll get started on donalds stat blocks soon. is he Death domain.

Rolled 4 + 1 (1d6 + 1)

>>5443945
and considering casting Spiritual Dick-on is a bonus action i'll vote for our main action
>Attack a foe with Pigsnorts Ritual Dagger (roll a 1d6+1)

Rolled 5, 4, 6, 3, 7 + 2 = 27 (5d8 + 2)

>>5443974
I'll just go standard array of 15, 14, 13, 12, 10, 8. Do you know what his background is.

Standard array: +2 dex and +1 Cha from race. and a +1 to con and wis from ability score improvement
Lightfoot Halfling:
Rolling for health.

>>5443945
is the Ritual Dagger a dagger or shortsword beacuse daggers are a d4+dex instead of a d6

>>5443974
ignore me saying cast it at fourth we can only really cast it a 2nd and thrid is a waste.

File: Donald Skreazly.pdf (678 KB, PDF)

678 KB PDF

>>5443878
here. I had to resist giving him spirit guardians to limit damage spells.

Rolled 4 (1d8)

>>5443978
>>5444041
>>5444043
>>5444063
(We'll go with what we've got so far, including stats and hit roll)

Here comes a Spiritual Dick-on bonus action, for 1d8 +Donald's spellcasting ability modifier (which I am unsure of currently but will factor it in next round when I figure it out)

The cock of Weazly Skreazly, Donald's great, great, great grand-uncle, smites the same Miniature Gigantic Spider that was struck with Donald's blade! The spider doesn't like it, not one bit!

But it survived!

>>5444112
Nifty! So would that be a +6 to spellcasting, or a +3 (from Wis)?

>>5444148
Cast is wisdom + pro so 3+3= 6
It would deal an extra 3 damage though.

>>5444148
So what class is Myherne then? Because she's definitely our next party member.

Rolled 2, 3, 2, 1 + 1 = 9 (4d3 + 1)

Here comes the first Mini Giant Spidey, striking the vulnerable Surprised Fonderferson with a generic Bash† attack! You can't defend! Look out!!!
(1st roll)

"AKHHHH! HE-Hey, that tickles!!"

You laugh off the first attack, but will you laugh off the Uber Venom* from the next spider's attack?
(2nd roll)

And will Donald survive the Uber Venom from the third spider? This venom is serious stuff!!
(3rd roll)

The fourth spider makes another attempt to poison the humble protagonist with Uber Venom!
(4th roll)

† Bash deals 1d3+1 damage.
*Uber Venom deals 1d3 damage when used, then applies a status effect that subtracts 8HP per turn and does not subside until cured, or until battle is over, when you can have Mister Riddhagg give you an antidote!
If a 1 is rolled, Uber Venom is not applied, but 1 damage is still inflicted.
Uber Venom cannot stack.

>>5444195
Maybe you can have a hand in deciding! Is she a Bard? Sorcerer? Barbarian, lol?

(Next phase coming soon, just finishing up at work)

>>5444209
Surprised mean's that we don't get an action or reaction for that turn.

remember that Urist has advantage on Saving Throws against poison and Resistance against poison damage.

also while AC is usually what someone need to hit someone what does it do in this game? the enemies seem to auto hit so it would cool for AC to have a different function.

>>5444232
Shit bro, I'm so far removed from being knowledgeable that I cringe every time I hit "Post," expecting to be told I'm doing everything wrong. Are there any good videos or online guides how to git gud at DM'ing/being a player? I don't want to change the whole system away from DnD mechanics, and I've been itching to learn for years. I likely wouldn't really have time to study up on it until this thread is over, though, unfortunately.

I'll get this round figured out shortly, including if the poison took hold of the boys.

Also, side note, my hot coworker I've been flirting with saw me updating this at work and asked me what I was writing, I managed not to sperg out, but I had to lie about writing a short story. I felt bad for lying, but it's probably better than telling her I'm writing about a Dwarf at a spinoff Hogwarts who kills sentient life with his giant, cursed cock.

>>5444285
typing "how to be a dm for the first time" in youtube can bring up so good video's and you could always *shudders* make a post on r/DnD or r/DMAcademy.

I figured you were skipping the AC part to quicken things along because you have limited time to write (which is completely fair).

As for lying... good call.

Rolled 12 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>5444299
Ty and I suppose skipping AC is half ignorance, half convenience

>>5444285
The Uber Venom doesn't fuck around, it's got a DC of 18!

(Okay, I hope I'm doing this right)

Above is Donald's attempt to resist the Uber Venom

Rolled 14, 14 + 8 = 36 (2d20 + 8)

>>5444336
Here's Urist's attempt (with Advantage) to block the poison's effects!
(+4 bonus from CON, and +4 from his resist to poison, a number I just pulled out of my ass)

Rolled 5, 4, 11, 20 + 4 = 44 (4d20 + 4)

>>5444342
advantage is usually just rolling twice and taking the better roll like this (disadvantage is just taking the worse roll). funnily enough mathematically advantage equals a +5 so you were actually close.

if we are doing a auto hit system might I suggest a damage reduction (on initial hit). maybe for every 2 points above 10 is a point of damage reduction. Donald would have -4 per hit and we would have a -1

Wow wee, did you survive all that?

Urist was at full HP after that hearty lunch break, and Donald was also at full HP because he's a onions beta cuck whose never gotten in a real fight in his life!

But that was then! Now, you've both been defiled by the spiders' fangs (and one attacked with its thorax)!!!

Donald bends over in anguish and coughs. "Bloimey! The buggers got us with some koind of poison!"

"Wha-?!" You begin breathing weird, fearing you might end up retching and vomiting like the envenomed Skreazly, but luckily your thick Dwarf skin halted the fangs from penetrating far enough to inject anything! Still, these spiders will eat you guys alive if you don't fight back!

...Well? Fight back!

Suggestions for Urist Fonderferson:
>Attack with your dagger
>Use a spell (which?)
>Ready your cum cannon for a multi blast next turn
>Squeeze out a quick cum blast at a single target this turn
>Do some Dwarf shit
>Flee!
>Write-in

Suggestions for Donald Skreazly:
>Attack with your dagger
>Use a spell (which?)
>Do some Halfling shit
>Flee!
>Write-in

Field:

Urist: 43/50 HP
Donald: 35/45 HP
(going off the char sheets, thanks again for making them!)

MiniGiant Spider 1: ~1/2 HP
MiniGiant Spider 2: Full HP
MiniGiant Spider 3: Full HP
MiniGiant Spider 4: Full HP (~25-35 Max)

(There are probably other important resources but... Just HP for now.)

Rolled 7, 11 = 18 (2d12)

>>5444375
Urist
>Toll the Dead on the hurt one (make a dex save)

Donald
>Attack with your dagger (different spider)
>use his touch of death channel divinity to do an extra 17 necrotic damage.
>Attack a spider with the sacred weapon (same one that Donald hits).

your welcome it's the least I could do after you took over QMing.

>>5444378
wisdom save not dex save.

>>5444378
Support but toll the dead and quickshot as a bonus action

>>5444606
What do you mean quick shot

>>5444754
With our big caliber "gun" obviously

>>5444378
From what I can gather, that 2d12 is just for Toll the Dead, right? Operating off that premise for now

Planning on updating when I wake up

>>5445981
That's right. It's a 2d12 on injured people on 2d8 on non-injured

Rolled 1 - 4 (1d20 - 4)

>>5444378
Miniature Gigantic Spider WIS: 3 (-4 to roll)

vs. DC 14

Rolled 2 (1d10)

>>5446190
The arachnid succumbs to the Dwarf's necrotic cantrip, and so Urist continues on to use a bonus action on the next foe in the lineup, his penis unfurling as if it had a mind of its own, then launching a Quick Spurt of probably only just a measly quart or two of his super sperm! The spider is pasted in a coat of jizz! (Blinds for 1 round on crit)

Wow, this cock has all kinds of hidden abilities!

Donald Skreazly is flabbergasted at what he's witnessing, but stays in the fight. He raises his dagger to the goo-blasted beastie...

Rolled 5 + 18 (1d6 + 18)

>>5446339
Donald unleashes his might on the slimy creature!! (d6+1 from item stat, +17 from Touch of Death. Sticking with the incorrect stats for daggers, will likely be amended when I return next session with more knowledge)

Rolled 2 + 6 (1d8 + 6)

>>5446347
Donald attacks with just enough might to dust off a second spider before they descend upon the group once more!

As MiniGiant Spider 3 approaches at full steam, Donald's Spiritual Dick-on lashes out in a futile attempt to stop it!
>>5444372
Woops didn't mean to ignore this, it popped up after I had posted the update since I didn't refresh the thread in time. I'm open to fleshing out the damage reduction idea or other attempts to satisfyingly transfer the soul of the mechanics of a typical DnD session to /qst/. I will also probably assume a session time to avoid feeling responsible for daily updates, as playing/thinking about dnd for a month straight day and night can be taxing on the mind.

Rolled 2 + 1 (1d3 + 1)

It's a sturdy thump, but the Spider skitters right through the ectoplasmic johnson and hits the envenomed Skreazly with a Bash! Since the spider is about the size and weight of a Shiba Inu, it doesn't hurt very much!

But- Oh gods! What is MiniGiant Spider 4 doing? It's dozens of eyes are glazed, its mouth drools and foams wildly with purple bubbles, it's posterior orifice begins dilating...

It appears to be going into labor on the battlefield!

Donald coughs deeply and gasps for air once again, the Uber Venom eating away at his flesh. He readies himself for the rest of the fight...

Urist wipes away a forming bead of sweat and scratches his balls...

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Once Urist is done giving a cursory scratching to his balls, he jumps back in the fray with a brilliant maneuver to be determined by our handsome and intelligent players!

Donald also helps!!!

Suggestions for Urist Fonderferson:
>Attack with your dagger
>Use a spell (which?)
>Do some raunchy shit
>Do some Dwarf shit
>Flee!
>Write-in

Suggestions for Donald Skreazly:
>Attack with your dagger
>Use a spell (which?)
>Do some Halfling shit
>Flee!
>Write-in

Field:

Urist: 43/50 HP
Donald: 26/45 HP (Poisoned, 8 dmg per turn)

MiniGiant Spider 3: ~2/3-3/4 HP (25-35 HP Max)
MiniGiant Spider 4: Full HP (Summoning?)

(Let me know if I missed anything/messed up anywhere)

Rolled 2 (1d5)

+++WARNING! SPOILERS! WARNING!+++
The journey out of the forest isn't as peaceful as Uri Fonder would have hoped, he and the envenomed Skreazly encounter...
1 - Darko Foymalf and 2 of his goons!
2 - Just a pitiful Gob-Dobby. Let's bully it!
3 - A group of Land Squids ripe for the picking!
4 - A Giant Spider coming to check on its children that you've been killing!
5 - What's worse than one Giant Spider? TWO GIANT SPIDERS!! :D
+++SPOILERS! WARNING! SPOILERS!+++

>>5446375
Urist
>fulll action total unload from our "gun" on spider 4

Donald:
>first use bonus action spiritual weapon on spider 4 (1d8+3 nec)
>then cast Vampiric Touch (losing concentration on spiritual weapon) and attack spider 4 (3d6 nec heal half the damage)

>>5446478
supportin'

I guess I'll see you guys next thread.

>>5458621
So it seems

Farewell, frens

>>5458621
>>5459399
>>5459893
Sorry to leave you all hanging in the midst of battle.

We shall return... Soon.

>>5462188
Where is the our favorite killer cop? How much longer are you going to make us wait?