Welcome to Violent Masquerade, an epic adventure of intrigue and tension!This is a world of superheroes and supervillains, cool robots and weird aliens, cosmic demons and ancient Lemurian magics!BUT NEVERMIND ALL THAT SHIT, in this story we instead play as cool, sexy Super Thief, called the D-MAN! (the d stands for dick, regrettably) and his trusty D CREW (the d still stands for dick) Let's steal some stuff and get rich!PREVIOUSLY ON THE VIOLENT MASQUARADE! : part 1 https://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive/2022/5194190/part 2 https://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive/2022/5249472/part 3 https://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive/2022/5308399/ TLDR: We have infiltrated an industrial-millitary lab to steal an Ancient Alien Artifact (along with whatever else looks cool and expensive)
>>5359398Let's do a quick catch up! In the previous thread we sent out our team mates, Demi-Cat and D_Bug, to steal some side loot from side labs, while Dick Man kept watch in the hallway. The Dick Crew, of course, succeeded, acquiring Sup-Juice and Instant Power Armor Canister!
>>5359402But let's rewind just a bit! While your mates were having their fun side adventures in Labs A and B, you, THE MIGHTY DICK MAN, stood vigilantly in the hallway, watching out for any guards or stupid super heroes.
>>5359405Yep! You won't let anything slip by you!No sir! Gonna stand here, unblinking, watching out for ANY trouble that might come your way!......yep......yep, still no trouble over here!...
>>5359407OH NO! QM took too long making a new thread, so our main character FELL ASLEEP while being on a look out!!!???!!!QUICK, ANONS! We need YOUR help! Wake up our hero, before it's too late!!!
>>5359409*Calls Dick Man from my job at a call center randomly to conduct a political survey*
>>5359409*pees on him*
>>5359411>>5359410You suddenly wake up from a horrible dream of taking a phone survey, while being peed on!Oh no! Somebody's coming up the stairs!! You can see ominous shadows and hear three distinct voices, getting louder!Annoying Voice: "Well, I sure do hope they got something keto friendly up in that Snack Room! I am starving, how about you, my fellow heroes?"Old Voice: "Ehm, yeah, sure. Anyways, as I was saying, my agent told me if I do just a couple more gigs like this, I might have a chance of getting back into the big leagues"Nervous Voice: "O-oh, that's nice! M-maybe I should get your agent's number! Mine hasn't been, ehm, answering my calls lately..."OH FUCK Dick BROS! Somebody's coming this way! I didn't think anyone would ACTUALLY come this way! What the heck should we do???
>>5359409>Tell him Dissolution was a stupid name after all>Imply the initial roll for dick size is canon
>>5359410"Hello, this is David from SSS, a public opinion research firm. We are not selling anything or askind for a contribution or donation. This is just a public opinion poll and all your answers will remain confidential. Definitely not a push poll paid for by a sinister organization that wants you to own nothing.Are you in a place right now where you can take the survey safely, without endangering yourself or others?"
>>5359418Yell that this floor is off limits due to aids! Floor's closed!
>>5359425>>5359418Support! Don't forget stingrays who ALSO have AIDS!
>>5359418>SCREECH to let our companion know they need to skedaddle.
>>5359418Pull out your phone and loudly pretend you are going to suck the next people you see into an inane political arguement you're having about Skub Rights.
>>5359418>Spray the stairs with water>Looks for "Caution: Slippery!" sign and put it near the puddleimprov
>>5359418Oh shit, welcome back, QM! Good to see ya.>Use our WATER POWERS to create a DANGEROUS PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR and our ARTS AND CRAFTS skill to create a WET FLOOR SIGN! Uh oh... guess those heroes will have to take the long way around! Bummer!
>>5359449Support. Cleaning staff gambit #2, just like Heist #1!
>>5359449Holy shit, /qst/ hivemind is real. My maaaaan.
>>5359449+1Also adding>Add a little note of "And not using fire or any other thing to dry it, we don't want scorch marks or anything"
>>5359474>>5359449Puddle is closed due to aids
>>5359418>>5359449+1Ay the quest is back!
Tammy Tangle: "Last time I talked to my agent, he told me to forget about becoming an A lister. He said that "All real super heroines have to be an 8 or 9 at least, and you're barely a 4"Steel Solider: "Jesus, yeah, okay, I'll hook you up with my agent, kid. The fact that you're not in the Avenging Society with your skills is an absolute travesty"Alpha Fire: "Hey, don't get let the negative vibes put you down, guys! Remember, any day could be your lucky day! Just gotta get on that Sigma Hero Grindset (like me)!"
D-Man?: "WOAH THERE GUYS! Hold your horses!"
Janiter: "Be careful! Somebody spilled all these LIQUID AIDS all over the floor! You know how these government backed weapon labs are, always trying to weaponize aids and what not. This sort of thing happens all the time.You guys better not come through here until I clean this all up. Because it's incredibly slippery! ...oh, and also full of AIDS! But mainly, it's very slippery. Just give me like, 30 to 40 minutes to clean this all up, alright?~ "...hmmmm, I dunno you guys, I think we gonna need a roll to see how persuasive this was. I'm gonna need two anons to roll 1d6 and then we'll combine the rolls to see how well this masterful trickery worked!
Rolled 6 (1d6)>>5360408
Rolled 1 (1d6)>>5360408HALLWAY'S CLOSED
>>5360426So it goes.
You convinced them its liquid AIDs... but they're all bugchasers.
>>5360408FLOOR IS CLOSED DUE TO AIDS
>>5360408>government backed weapon labs>always trying to weaponize aids and what notI'm unironically buying it. Exactly what I expect from government weapon labs.>>5360410based>>5360421why did you do that
>>5360408That’s actually pretty clever, Dick-Man. I wouldn’t go anywhere near liquid aids. If they ask why we’re okay being near it then say we’ve already got aids.
>>5361120This makes me think, if it becomes ‘known’ that Dick Man has AIDS then would people become super scared of his water blasts? He’d basically be a walking bioweapon.
>>5361148Well, even a rogue needs *some* self respect.
>>5361148>>5361302Its going to be a rumor for sure now that weve specualted it, dick man with aids will be in the back of every heros mind before they fight us
>>5361089It was the will of the fates. I am merely the vessel through which it spoke.
>>5361313>“Yeah I’m the special AIDS-positive janiter they keep around specifically for this kind of thing”I can see it now
>>5361148Jesus Christ. How horrifying!
>>5361148Who's dickman? All I see is an AIDS puddle and a very handsome Janiter (who has a huge dick, I'm sure).
>>5361803Indeed--dashing and handsome this new AIDS Janitor NPC may be, he can barely hold a candle to that rugged, debonair, prison-breaking heartthrob that is THE DICK MAN!
>>5360410Tammy Tangle: "Aaah, ewwww! Let's get out of here, I don't wanna eat anywhere close to anything like this!"Steel Soldier: "Alright, let's go to the opposite wing, and check their Snack Room instead. Hopefully it has less aids"Tammy Tangle and Steel Soldier leave!
>>5362179Oh god alpha fire probably has aids already.
>>5362179Janiter takes a deep sigh of relief. For you see, he was in fact Dick Man in disguise all this time!!! (I know, it was pretty subtle, but if you check the previous images you might see some clues)Alright, now that our ruse have worked completely, let's get back to the hallway, our friends should be done with their
>>5362184Alpha Fire: "HEY, BUDDY! Just wanted to thank you for your hard work! It's thanks to heroes like you, the hallways of this proud nation stay clean, and perfectly aids-less.Hmmm. You know, you look familiar somehow. Have we met before? Have I seen you somewhere?"Oh oh. You know, thinking about it, your face WAS on every news reel for like, a week straight after you escaped from prison. This is bad. Quick, say something! Do something! Fuck! D-BOYS, HELP!
>>5362188>I have a identical twin, you might've met him before but not me!
>>5362188"YEAH BUD, I WAS ON THE COVER OF JANITORS WEEKLY FOR DOING MY PART IN STOPPING THE SPREAD OF AIDS! HERE'S AN AUTOGRAPH, PAL!"we proceed to sign it as dick man
I dunno, lets say something that implies we just have a face that *looks* like a criminal, but are not, in fact, a criminal.
>>5362188>Haha our face isn't as memorable as yours Mr. Hero. Yours is so chisled, handsome, and perfect ours is like a pile of aids-infested shit.Change the topic, compliment him and he'll forget. All heroes are incredibly narcissistic.
>>5362196Oh, that's good...
>>5362188>"Hahah, if I had a nickel for every time I heard someone tell me that, well, I certainly wouldn't be MOPPING UP AIDS for a living! Ha-ha! Seriously though: I guess I just have one of those easily-mistakable faces! Say, you think that's a superpower?I'd rather not compliment this guy because I don't want him sticking around talking about how the 'good ole days' were, or whatever. No need to go all out.
>>5362188>Freak out and make it look like we're just worried he's gonna catch the fucking AIDS
>>5362196>>5362201These work well in tandem. "Nah, I am just a loser with a forgettable face and no noteworthy abilities... Unless you count AIDS! Not like you. Wow, that heroic chin! What are the chances of being so SUPER and so HANDSOME at the same time? Outrageous.">>5362188
>>5362201+1 maybe if he keeps seeing us we can just keep gaslighting him and acting like were taking his advice and moving up the corporate ladder
>>5362201+1>>5362213This sounds fucking amazing
>>5362213>"Hahaha, if I had a nickel for every time I heard someone tell me that, well, I certainly wouldn't be MANAGING A TASK FORCE AT THIS COMPANY WORKING ON A GREEN AND FINANCIALLY-SOUND SOLUTION TO CLEANING UP AIDS SPILLS AT ALL OF OUR FACILITIES! Ha-ha!"
>>5362188>I dunno man, I hung around bars a lot back in the days, memory gets kinda hazy
Guys we're alone with this washed-up motivational speaker, would this not be a good opportunity to take him out? He's an annoying prick so the other two probably won't look too hard for him either.
>>5362291Yeah, but is the cred pf bringing this guy down worth the risk? The supes aren't our main objective, right?
>>5362291Not to sound too negative, but our last SUPER BATTLE was a SUPER FUCKING DISGRACE that we barely survived by the skin of our teeth. Not to mention we're a lot stronger when our pals are around.
>>5362188> I used to work at a Whole Foods. Are you into Whole Foods?
>>5362291Nah I think they’re close enough by that we risk being discovered. Best to at least try to bluff out of it first.
>>5362188"I do have a twin working here. Maybe you saw hiom before? He looks identical to me, just... less handsome."
>>5362188They keep making clones of me testing a machine in one of the biolabs so there's a pretty good chance you've seen my face before If he starts pressing for details pretend to have an identity crisis over not knowing if you're the original
D-Man: "Hahah, if I had a nickel for every time I heard someone tell me that, well, I certainly wouldn't be MOPPING UP AIDS for a living! Ha-ha! Seriously though: I guess I just have one of those easily-mistakable faces! Say, you think that's a superpower?"Alpha Fire: "Well, ehm"D-Man: "But no, I am just a loser with a forgettable face and no noteworthy abilities... Not like you. Wow, that heroic chin! What are the chances of being so SUPER and so HANDSOME at the same time? Outrageous."
>>5364223Alpha Fire: "Haha, yeah, right, you know actually..."D-Man: "OH! I also used to work at a Whole Foods. Are you into Whole Foods? OH, AND I do have a twin working here. Maybe you saw him before? He looks identical to me, just... less handsome"Alpha Fire: "...I should probably get going"D-Man: " I also hung around bars a lot back in the days, memory gets kinda hazy... Oh AND..."Aplha Fire: "I'm going to leave now"
D-Man: "Haha, yeah, alright, see you later, Mr Hero Man! Anytime you want to hear more possible scenarios about the familiarity of my face, you just swing on by! I got about 20 more theories we can run through!"Alpha Fire is quickly escaping the situation! Success!
>>5364224>>5364228Our most successful super-fight yet!
Demi-Cat slides out of Lab D!D_Bug stumbles out of Lab C, dropping spaghetti everywhere!The Dick Crew is back in full force, and that means it's time to continue our epic heist!There is nothing left on this floor accept for the Snack Room!One floor below there is Lab A and Lab B (the one where the Ancient Alien Artifact is located). The heroes has presumably left to another part of the building, but who knows for how long...What do we do, Dick Maniacs?
>>5364237It would be good if we had a way to secure our loot so even if we didn't get the other stuff the things we alrady got were safe
>>5364237First thing's first--give everyone a high-five. The fact that they're both emerging from each door relatively unharmed suggests that they probably didn't fuck things up! Go Team!Secondly, let's head downstairs... but bring our SLIPPERY AIDS FLOOR SIGN and JANITER NAMETAG as well--we've got a good cover identity now and a WHOLE lotta AIDS we can use to our advantage... as a pretend spill, of course. Not like WE have AIDS.
>>5364237>>5364245+1 We can get snacks later.
>>5364245+1 for good plan
>>5364237What's our current objective in order to get lots of money?
>>5364245Hi fives all around!
>>5364398Stealing the ALIEN ARTIFACT. We've already gotten two side LOOT, a nanobot armor device and some super serum, both of which we could use on ourselves or sell for BIG MONEY.
>>5364237>Go to Lab B ASAP
>>5359402Her look of pain as the lynx emerges from her abdomen is what really ties the picture together.>>5364237>The spaghetti forms a woman's facelelLet's get crackalacking.
First things first! High fives!You congratulate your minions on the job well done!You receive +100 Friendship Points! You can exchange them in the Friendship Store for various Friendship Prizes! Wow, you can really feel the Dick Crew growing closer as a team!~They hand you the Sup-Juice and the Instant Power Armor CanisterAlright, onwards and downwards, to the first floor!
>>5367667Here it is! The first floor! To the west it's the stairs to second floor (you came from here)To the east there is a door leading to the rest of the complex. That's where the hundreds of guards gonna shoot you with automatic weapons.To the north there are Lab A and Lab B, nice!To the south it's the Dick Crew! They are in the south this time, instead of being in the middle, just for variety. WHAT DO???
>>5367676Can we try to persuade the planks to let us through into Lab A?
>>5367676Tell jessica to go hack the door
>>5367676Jessica go do your super hacking!
>>5367676Listeb at the door for sounds of trouble.
>>5367676>>5367683>>5367718>>5367678Tell Jessica to hack the door open to Lab A
>>5367676take off the planks from the Lab A door and put them on the door to the east so that no one gets in while we snoop around. Then take off the sign from Lab A and position the "(closed)" part to face out the window on the eastern doors so no one gets suspicious as to why it wont open.
>>5367676Tell Jessica to hack the door to Lab B, then go inside drop some water close at the door and put our aids sign to stop people from coming in.
>>5367667How many friendship points do we need for movie night?
>>5368395That's pretty smart. I'll go with this as well.
>>5367676>Let ourselves into the Lab AWe're thieves, not emplyees.
D_Bug: "HHngggg! DICK MAN! This electric lock is TURNED OFF! I can't hack something if it's TURNED OFF!!!" *cries profusely*Demi-Cat: "EEGHH! These are no regulars planks! This is PURE STEEL BEAMS nailed down with industrials bolts! I have a combined strength of a Slavic woman and a Balkan lynx, and even that's not enough!!! ...FUCK!" *grunts in Albanian* Shucks! What now!?
>>5369845Pour water in behind beams. Freeze and exoand the water, breaking them. Pour more water on floor; place wet floor sign. Use electricity to fry (or boot up, for hackibg??) the lock.
>>5369845bust the walls open beside the door.
>>5369845Have DBug check door B.
>>5369845Try the code 1234
>>5369861It's powered off, though.
>>5369849supporting the cool-aid entrance plan
>>5369845UUUUH but we HAVE ELECTRICITY so, like>ZAP the electronic lock to power it on>Try 1234>If that fails, tell Jessica to hack it
>>5369850Support.>>5369849-1. Busting a wall will draw all the guards and heroes to us. Leave that for when we make our exit.
>>5369847Supporting this but give this >>5370000 a try first
>>5369845Go into the room next door and bust down the wall in there.
>>5369845try the other door
HAH! This is EASY! You spend just little bit of your Zap Juice to power up the lock console!You now have 9 liters of Lightning left!*boop* The lock comes to life!
>>5375023D-Man: "Now you guys check this out! This is a trick to open most code locked doors - you see, most people are actually complete idiots, and set their passwords to just 1234!"D_Bug: "Ehm, really?? They do???"Demi-Cat: "Ah! Smart trick! Nice one, Dick Boy!"D-Man: "Haha! Exactly! That's why I'm the BOSS!"
Door Console: "*BEEP BOOP* I'm sorry, but the password you put in was WRONG. And, if I may be so bold, kinda stupid. Sorry. This is not my personal opinion, I don't have an AI or anything, this is just like, an objective fact. Very dumb.Please, put in the right code in the next 10 seconds or I will have to alert the security. And by security I mean the stupid police, to arrest you and send you to stupid jail. Ha. Ha. Sorry, again, this joke was pre-programmed. *BEEP BOOP*"
>>5375027D_Bug: "O-oh, I got it, I got it. There"Door Console: "*BEEP BOOP* Password accepted. Opening door now *BEEP BOOP* "D_Bug: "Hey, it wasn't a bad idea, just kinda..."Dick Man: "OKAY, WHATEVER, LET'S MOVE ON"OKAY! Nice! Hey, for no particular reason... Can you guys throw me some ideas for a totally radical mecha? Like, if you could have an awesome mech robot, what would it look like? Again, just asking.
>>5375030Definitely modeled on Donald Duck in a way that either barely skirts copyright law OR falls within the purview of legally-defensible parody.
>>5375030LIGER ZERO, BABY!
>>5375030It looks like a gay EVA, equipped with hella tech and physical capabilities, but it has a rainbow flag paint job and a bumper sticker that says I love cocks, so you really gotta question whether or not you wanna get in it
>>5375030BIG ZAM(MASS PRODUCED)
>>5375030give it huge ass chainsaws for hands
>>5375030A head that has teeth but like squarewave teeth like the Bonne Family symbol. And a pile bunker, it's gotta have a pile bunker.
>>5375033This but with the Vehicle 001 as a base.
>>5375068the picrel here
>>5375030Man it would be like wicked tall, yet slender. With bigass spikes and a glowing sword
>>5375227And a duck bill and beret, of course.
>>5375030A wrestling themed monster truck with robot arms.
>>5375247Just a monster truck version of Megas XLR? I guess I can go for that.
>>5375231>>5375030Give it like four faces that spin around, each a different animal
>>5375247Come on brother, let off brand hulkamania run wild.
Never trust a flaker. The anxiety and desire to stop lingers in them and will always eventually win.
>>5381561QM's been away this long before, and come back.
>>5381564The more you deny it, the more it will hurt when he eventually succumbs to depression and doesn't come back.
>>5381590That doesn't mean shit. I've been QMing for six months while utterly depressed. It's possible.
>>5381598Not everyone is the same man, all we can hope for is that he can pull through, both for his sake and because his quest is awesome.
>>5381650Oh, for sure. I just wouldn't count him out or call him a flake like nZ+5CsWH is.
>>5382479>He wouldn't call a person who is flaking a flakerlol, lmao
I wish qm well. Have a cat, QM.
>>5382740Would need more evidence that he was flaking, you defeatist.
If I'm correct, the QM is dealing with a literal war right now. Give him some slack.
>>5383035You're genuinely fucking retarded if him leaving for days on end without a word and admitting to mental burnout is not flaking.>>5383266He never said anything about war.
>>5383270>geo-political factorsI'm not >>5383266 but this plus OP's slight tinge of ESL and I wouldn't at all be surprised if it were war.
Also OP if you do come back please don't read the above conversation and feel discouraged. Everybody here loves the quest and wants it to continue... some people just direct that passion into getting mad, I think.
>>5383270OP has vanished for 5+ days before, only to return and continue. I hold out hope.
>>5383278I think some of it is samefagging from the standard 4chanislebad demoralization tourists.
Welp, looks as if the asshole anon was right. Shame, that.
>>5394221Nah, he'll be back.
>>5394221I'm an asshole but I know all flakers eventually lose the fight and I don't like delusional anons who don't know how it works. It is a shame, the art was nice.
>>5394221Yup. Anyone gonna archive?>>5394223This QM has a history of flaking on all previous quests after a couple threads. Let's be realistic.
>>5394630He had previous quests? Which ones?
>>5394974Yeah the other one was called the tower. Pretty similar to this one in tone.
>>5394998can't find it on suptg, do you have a link?
>>5395524http://thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=white%20towerIt was called White tower, my bad.
>>5395635Thanks and>he started updating white tower rarely and left because he had to keep borrowing laptopnow I wonder whether he just makes things up