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>>5300670
Welcome to BONES QUEST--remember: don’t feed the janitor after midnight! OP Image made by an anonymous pal of mine! Make sure to check out the following resources:

Archive Link to catch up with the story!
>https://lws.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Bones%20Quest

Twitter account for updates!
>https://twitter.com/DemBonez3

Imgur Page for quest and FAN ART! You make it, we display it! Who knows? It might even become OP IMAGE ART!
>https://imgur.com/a/dvF3SCN

A HANDY PASTEBIN for INVENTORY, SKILLS, and MORE:
>https://pastebin.com/u/DemBonez3/1/TvtRhtJK

Rolls are handled by a 1d100--I take the BEST OF THREE ROLLS! Certain boosts and maluses will be applied based on the situation and existing skills. Describing your actions, write-ins, FANART and GENERAL CREATIVITY are all APPRECIATED AND REWARDED--we like to keep things LIGHT and CHILL here, so come on in and have some fun!

>CONTD.

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>>5300672
"Listen up people, cuz' I'm only gonna go over this once!"

Ugh. Shielding your eyes from the red-tinged sun rays bearing into you, you barely mask your displeasure as Art points the tip of an abandoned STORM STAFF at his hastily-sketched route map on the yacht deck.

"There are TEN of us..." He begins, pausing to really let the drama settle in, "... and only FOUR of these!" Pointing to the stack of SEA CLOAKS neatly folded next to him, the Rent-A-Cop sweeps the circle with a determined gaze. "In the past we've gotten by largely on luck and strength. Speaking as a near-casualty AND as your newly-elected VICE OFFICER, I-

Oh my god, he's still talking about the whole 'dying' thing?!

"SHH!"

Hanging on every one of Art's words, SYBIL sits next to you with an enchanted look on her pale face like a doting parent watching a school play. Rolling your eyes at her admonishment, your eyes dance around the huddle for something... anything more stimulating!

"... I think it's high time we thought things through." Art concludes as he sends a dirty look your way. To their credit, TUCKER, KIKI, and EDDIE are all listening attentively--the latter dutifully jotting things down in his notebook. Sensing your gaze, Kiki and Tucker smile at you as the former loads a fresh cartridge belt into her STILL-SMOKING LIGHT MACHINE GUN. Guess she got a little carried away earlier.

"We've got one more LIEUTENANT left, folks, so it's critical that we plan our next move accordingly." Art continues as you shift your attention to Gus and Mitzi. Watching attentively with crossed arms and his trademark blank stare, the delivery man raises an eyebrow your way as if expecting you to speak up. You pass.

Mitz, on the other hand, has her face buried in her issue of WATER POLO MONTHLY--the one you're almost certain she'll be reading long after this whole situation ends. Pausing every few seconds to send a nod Art’s way, you honestly can’t tell if she’s paying attention or not. DAMN, SHE’S GOOD!

>CONTD.

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>>5300674
“Stanley and Sybil have identified a few routes that we can take.” Art continues in a louder, more annoyed voice. “As you can see here, each one has its pros and cons!”

Peering down at your side, you share a weary glance with your ‘pet’, boat pilot, and on-and-off hellspawn LIL’ STANLEY. Still somewhat rattled from the MERMAID BATTLE, the raccoon feverishly stuffs her fuzzy face with the contents of a BAG OF GRAVY-FLAVORED CHIPS– lord knows where the hell she scrounged that up! Judging by the low snarl creeping from her tiny body and her bared fangs, however, you get the feeling she isn’t in a sharing mood. Shocking, right?

It isn’t all bad, though–the critter’s presence created a natural buffer between you and DENISE, the team’s resident ball of nerves. Scooting even further away at the sound of the raccoon’s growling, the egghead glances between your pet and the presentation in a desperate attempt to stay in the loop without being mauled. You have no clue where all that sweat of hers goes, but you know one thing for certain: that labcoat of hers must be absorbent as HELL!

“So when the hell are we gonna choose one, huh?” And who could forget TALBOT? Seriously, who? Dude’s got, like, zero filter. Tapping his foot impatiently, your fellow EVENING SANITATION COORDINATOR looks to you for backup as Art responds with an exaggerated sigh. “Because in case you guys forgot, we plugged the holes in the boat with ICE!”

“And we’re going to handle it, okay?” Art groans as he looks to Syb for support. “Just… just let me finish, guys… come on…”

“T’s right, though.” Eddie interjects as he puts his notebook down. “This thing isn’t gonna float for much longer, so-”

“Th-th-the S-SEA DEMON w-won’t b-be gone f-for long, e-either…” Denise stammers, recoiling as Lil’ Stanley lunges in her direction to snatch up a fallen chip. “S-s-sorry f-for the interrupt-”

“As I understand it,” Tucker intervenes in a helpful tone, “We can try to TELEPORT THERE DIRECTLY, TRY TO FIND AN ENTRANCE ON FOOT, OR SEE WHERE THAT HATCH IN ONE OF THE DEFENSE CANNONS TAKES US, right?”

“Yea…” Art replies, clearly irked by the summary of his presentation. “But teleportation runs the risk of, well, hiccups.”

Shit, you mutter, you can’t cure those! This is serious!

“Keep it down, will ya?” Hisses Ly’s disembodied voice, “I’m tryin’ ta’ listen!”

>CONTD.

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>>5300678
“A 40% chance, to be precise.” Sybil adds with a stern expression. “The odds of warping directly to the ATLANTIS LAB are, if the virtual intelligence is correct, roughly 60%.”

The whole circle grimaces save for Talbot–the tracksuited terror still visibly crunching the numbers in his head.

“Not the best odds, but better than they were before.” The Goth concludes before nodding for Art to continue.

Yea, you snort, if you call that better!

Raising your hand for a high-five, you quickly reconsider when Syb sends a glare your way that could freeze lava. Pity, too–looks like Mitz, Eddie, and Talbot were ready to slap some palm!

“CHRIST, you guys, I’m getting to the point, okay?!” Taking a steadying breath, Art jabs the staff at the diagram one more time. “If we do teleport, though, we don’t have to dash through those PERIMETER DEFENSES.”

“You mean the cannons that do nasty stuff to your matter, right?” Mitzi asks as she peers over the top of her magazine. “The ones that chased off a DEMON the size of a sporting goods store? Those ones?”

“Yes…” Art mutters, clearly regretting his election already, “Those ones.”

“Cool.” Mitzi remarks before returning to her magazine, “So what’s the last option again?”

“Before Stanley’s… encounter... with the SEA DEMON,” Sybil begins, prompting the whole circle to send concerned looks your way, “We found a hatch that, if our guess is right, could lead us directly into the LAB.”

“Secret passage, huh?” Gus remarks with nary a hint of excitement in his tone, “Sounds neato.”

You’ve never heard him say THAT before! The significance isn’t lost on the rest of the gang, either. “It does,” Eddie replies as he considers it himself, “I mean… if we can sneak in through there then we can get the jump on that SEA WITCH we’re gunnin’ for, right?”

“We could…” Sybil remarks as doubt forms on her pale face, “But I’ll admit I have some concerns about squeezing through an ancient maintenance tunnel-”

“Why? You’re not fat.” Talbot remarks, earning dirty looks from the rest of the circle. You must be glaring too, because he only speaks up once he turns your way. “What? It’s true, right?”

“Thank you, Talbot.” Sybil continues in a diplomatic tone. “Weight aside, those cannons are powered by MAGIC. If we emerge into some sort of REFINERY, especially one in disarray,”

“Th-then w-we could b-be e-exposing ours-selves to all s-sorts of f-foreign contaminants…” Denise shivers. “N-nasty...”

“You can say that again.” Tucker frowns. “This decision just got a little trickier, huh?”

>CONTD.

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>>5300683
“So that’s the situation.” Art shrugs, clearly giving up on the rest of the presentation. “We’re on borrowed time, a ship barely holding together from that attack, and on a tight leash–if we bring this thing any closer to those cannons…” He ends his sentence with a pantomimed ‘boom’.

“So,” Mitzi replies as she puts her reading material down, “What are we gonna do?”

“First thing’s first:” Talbot interjects, “We’ve gotta decide WHO’S going! And before anyone says anything, I call DIBS!”

The gang recoils in shock! Oh shit, you hiss, he CALLED IT!

“And don’t even THINK of not honoring it!” Says the janitor with a cocky smirk! “That’d be a DICK MOVE!”

He’s not wrong… still, if anyone’s gonna make the call here, it’s you! Ignoring Art’s pleading look, you rise to your feet and clear your throat–if they won’t decide, you snarl, looking around the circle with disdain, then you will!
https://youtu.be/KgvFmhP7GMs
Q1: CHOOSE UP TO 4 PEOPLE TO GO WITH YOU! LIL’ STANLEY WILL BE FINE IN YOUR POCKET!
>MITZI (STEALTHY, SMG, SCIENCE GUN, STUN BATON)
>ART (GRENADE LAUNCHER, RIFLE)
>SYBIL (MAGIC, SHOCK STAFF)
>EDDIE (SPEEDY, REVOLVER AND SHOTGUN)
>KIKI (SMALL, LIGHT MACHINE GUN, FLAMETHROWER)
>TALBOT (DURABLE GOODBOYNIUM SKIN, METALLIC TENTACLES, REVOLVER)
>GUS (TOUGH, STRONG, SHOTGUN)
>DENISE (SMART, CANNON FODDER, ANNOYS PEOPLE INTO SUICIDE, MAYBE)
>TUCKER (FIRST AID, MARTIAL ARTS, RIFLE, REVOLVER)

WHICH ROUTE WILL YOU TAKE?
>TELEPORT! RISKY, BUT POTENTIALLY REWARDING!
>WALK AND FIND AN ENTRANCE OUTSIDE! THE LAB WON’T EXPECT IT, BUT THOSE CANNONS WILL BE GUNNING FOR YOU!
>TAKE THE HATCH! SNEAKY, BUT UNKNOWN!
>WRITE-IN!

Whoops, and by 'CHOOSE 4 PEOPLE TO GO WITH YOU' I totally meant 'STAN AND THREE OTHER IDIOTS.' Can you tell I'm already getting rusty? In other words:

>1) Stanley (With Ly and Lil' Stanley, of course)
>2) Mook #1
>3) Mook #2
>4) Mook #3

Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>5300692
>>1) Stanley (With Ly and Lil' Stanley, of course)
>>2) ART
>>3) TALBOT
>>4) SYBIL/MITZI

>1=SYBIL
>2=MITZI

>TELEPORT! RISKY, BUT POTENTIALLY REWARDING!

>>5300685
>Sybil
>Talbot
>Art
Grenades are apparently pretty effective underwater
>TAKE THE HATCH! SNEAKY, BUT UNKNOWN!

>>5300670
I enter the scene!

>>5300784
This one. We’re a janitor. Crawling through maintenance vents is our and Talbot’s forte.

THE TEAM:
>SYBIL!
>TALBOT!
>ART!

>>5300821
>FEATURING ANON #jwmbyvWP!

THE ENTRY:
>>5300697
>TELEPORT

>>5300784
>>5300836
>'HATCHING' A PLAN!

Writing!

>>5300784

Channel the janitor.

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>>5300867
>JANITOR STATUS: CHANNELED!

The answer, you begin, is obvious! Like Art was sayin-

“VICE OFFICER…”

You’re just about to chuck LIL’ STANLEY at Art for his traitorous interruption when you’re stopped by the pleading look on his stupid, sweaty face. Like watching a two-legged puppy try to win a race, Art’s silent request hits you with a sudden bout of pity–one that causes you to reword your sentence!

Like your… jeez… ‘VICE OFFICER… was saying, you continue, trying and failing to avoid looking at the dopey grin forming on Art’s face as you say it, you aren’t gonna half-ass this one! You’re WHOLE-ASSING it!

Scooping up your ‘pet’ raccoon and snagging a handful of chips in the process, your loyal subje-err, comrades wait patiently for you to continue. Sho, you mumble, struggling to annunciate through chewing and getting gnawed by LIL’ STANLEY, thatsh why you’re gonna need some heavy-hitters on the boat and in the lab below!

“Just remember, Stan: I called dib-”

Yea, yea, you growl, of course you’re picking TALBOT! What kind of FREAK would you be if you didn’t honor dibs?

“BOOYAH!” Talbot roars as he pumps both fists in earnest! “That SEA WITCH won’t know, uh… WITCH hit her!”

“Stanley’s Pet.” Whispers someone from the circle. WHO SAID THAT?! Who the HELL said that?! Though you and Talbot glare daggers at them all, the whole team (including Denise) remains quiet as the grave. Fine, you spit, but don’t think you’re gonna forget this, punks! You picked him because he’s tough, dang it! A-and he called ‘dibs!’

“Who else is going, Stanley?” Sybil asks, drumming her pale fingers on her crossed arms. You were getting to that, actually–shaking off the insubordination, you jab a finger at The Goth’s face–there’s bound to be plenty more MAGICAL DOODADS down there and you’re gonna need someone who knows a thing or two about them!

Not to mention she might geek out again and take down anything that messes with her. Who knows?

“Err, thanks.” Sybil mutters, not sure how to react. “I’ll try to keep my… geeking... to a minimum.”

Super. That leaves lucky number five or whatever number you’re on! Jabbing your finger towards Art, you give him a reassuring nod as his blue eyes widen at your gesture. That’s right, hotshot.

“R-really?” He sputters, glancing between Eddie and Mitzi in disbelief! “W-well alright, Stan–I won’t let you down!”

“Does this mean we have to elect a ‘VICE-VICE OFFICER’ now?” Mitzi groans as she returns to her magazine. “Because I gotta say, the raccoon was doing a decent job of it for a whi-”

No, you snap, FATTY here is coming with you!

>CONTD.

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>>5300942
Hugging the snarling woodland critter close to your chest like a homicidal teddy bear, you end your speech with unceremonious shrug. So uh, you mutter, yea. That’s the team. Thanks for playing.

“I’ll be an officer.” Gus grunts as he raises his mammoth hand in the air. FINE, you groan, now can you move on, please?

“W-we didn’t really vote for him, thou-”

The rest of the group cuts her off with a synchronized ‘Shut up, nerd!’

Besides, you add as you watch disappointment ferment in the rest of the gang’s eyes, the guys you didn’t choose have an even more important job while you’re gone!

“What’s that, Stan?” Eddie asks in a forced, but still cheery tone!

Why, tracking down some booze and whipping up some COCKTAILS WITH CUTE LITTLE UMBRELLAS in ‘em, you reply in an equally-chipper voice!

“Wait, really?” Talbot asks, disappointment slowly creeping into his voice. “Because if that’s what they’re doing, I ca-”

No, MORON, you snarl, they’ll be REPAIRING AND GUARDING THE DAMN SHIP! But, like, if they do find some booze… and they DO find some umbrellas…

“WE GOT COMPANY!”

Whirling around at your skeleton’s panicked voice, you follow Ly’s ASTRAL FORM to the edge of the yacht to find…

“Uh… what’s that?”

Eager to answer his own question, Tucker makes his way over to the side of the boat with Gus, Mitz, and Kiki in tow. Peering over the rail too, you find yourself staring at a peculiar sight–a BOBBING CORPSE!

“Woah…” Eddie whispers as Kiki immediately begins poking it with her gun, “Where’d he come from?”

“Dunno,” Art frowns as he examines it closer, “Looks like one of those VOLUNTEER SCOUTS they kept mentioning at THE LODGE, doesn’t he?”

He ain’t wrong. Clad in a mismatch of tactical gear and loungewear, the corpse is nigh unrecognizable thanks to the TACTICAL BALACLAVA AND KAISER HELMET covering John Doe’s head. All that remains, you notice, are a few faded letters stenciled on the back of his SCORPION JACKET: jwm-

“Whoever he is, he’s done for.” Sybil shrugs, prompting the gang to shove the corpse back out to sea. “Anyways, where were we?”

Weeeeell….

>CONTD.

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>>5300944
You’ve got the team, you reply, so now you just need a way in. And based on Ar-err, your VICE OFFICER’S intel, you say, earning approving grins from both Art and Syb, the answer is obvious!

Dramatically pointing at the water below, you raise a roguish eyebrow in the direction of your minions! You’re going down, baby!

“Err…” Eddie mumbles, “W-where, exactly?”

Oh, right. The HATCH, you add, you’re going down the hatch.

“Well we’ve already established I meet the size requirements,” Sybil quips as she glances towards Talbot, “But do you think you’ll be able to squeeze through, Talbot?”

“No sweat!” He smiles as he confidently jabs his thumb into his chest! “I’ve spent more shifts than I can count squirmin’ through vents! It’s a janitor thing!”

He’s right, you nod with a knowing grin! It’s basically half the job!

“How uh… how high can you count, though?” Art asks, prompting your ex-bodyguard to process the question for a few seconds before a fresh scowl forms on his face. “Five.” He grunts, balling the five fingers on his large right hand into a fist, “I can count to five, smartass.”

“Gotcha.” Mutters Art as he looks to Syb for aid.

“That’s that settled then, huh?” Mitzi remarks as she stows her magazine away one more time. “Not sure if you’ll get a RADIO SIGNAL down there, but we’ll keep ya’ posted.”

“Yea,” Eddie nods, “just watch out for those MATTER DISPERSAL CANNONS on the way, yea?”

“Y-yes…” Denise begins with a nervous giggle, “B-b-because n-no matter what p-people say, y-y-’you m-matter’... h-heh-heh… g-get it? B-because m-matter’s-”

Alright, you’d better make some choices and fast or you’re gonna chuck this nerd overboard. You MEAN it!

>HEAD OUT NOW! NO TIME TO LOSE!
>TALK TO SOMEONE BEFORE HEADING OUT! (WHO?)
>HELP REPAIR THE BOAT A BIT BEFORE LEAVING!
>WRITE-IN!

That's it for tonight, folks--had a big day today and it's catching up. Should have more SATURDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST, though! Thanks for playing and hope to see you then!

>>5300946
>>HEAD OUT NOW! NO TIME TO LOSE!

>>5300946
>HEAD OUT NOW! NO TIME TO LOSE!

>>5300946
>WRITE-IN!
Hey, Bones? How long will Syb’s fish spell last? I was thinking we could fishify one of the other dorks and have them act as the forward recon since they’ll undoubtedly be faster as a fish than we would be as humans walking or swimming.

>>5301062
Lasts for an hour at maximum so probably not enough to do much.

>>5301094
Fair.

Just popping by to say nice OP image

>>5300967
>>5300994
>HEAD OUT NOW!

>>5301062
>BE EF'FISH'ENT!

Yea, >>5301094 got it right--Syb can certainly fishify someone, but it's only for about an hour. Still, the option's there!

>>5301355
Thanks! My friend's pretty damn good at what they do, that's for sure! Always love receiving quest art.

Anywho, looks like we're finally heading out! Writing! Sorry for the early update--couldn't sleep a wink last night and woke up earlier than usual.

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Having had your appetite for any further conversation soundly CRUSHED by Denise’s dumb nerd joke, you instead dash for the yacht’s guardrail and deftly leap onto it like a cat! Okay, everyone, you say with a daring grin, let’s go hunt a wi-wuh…WOAAAAAH!

Cool as the lead up was, your rallying cry is soundly trumped by you slipping off the railing! Guess it was a bit wet, huh? As you watch LIL’ STANLEY leap out of your flailing grasp and back onto the deck, you barely have time to flip her the bird as you tumble with a splash into the chum-filled water below!

“Uh, we should also probably move the boat a little first.” Art suggests as you spit out an unidentifiable hunk of meat from your mouth. “That way we won’t have to walk as far.”

S-s-sounds g-good, you shiver as your lingering aches and pains are overpowered by the frigid water around you!

A few embarrassing minutes sailing later, you find yourself sliding down the yacht’s anchor chain like a firefighter as Sybil leads the charge ahead of you!

“You guys still reading us?”

Lil’ Stanley scuttles over to your other shoulder as you retrieve your RADIO from your pocket! Yep, you nod to Tucker’s disembodied voice, loud and clear!

“Fantastic,” He replies over what sounds like boat repairs happening in the background, “We’ll try to keep the line clear so that you guys can be sneaky, but let us know if you get those CANNONS shut down or something, okay?”

“Just take it easy, man!” Talbot croons from above you on the chain, “WE can handle this!”

“Just don’t get too cocky, alright?” Art requests as he struggles to grasp both the chain and the MAGIC STAFF he pilfered from the MUSEUM. “We’re flyin’ blind here.”

As the water around you darkens with depth, you can just barely pick out the anchor’s landing zone below. Pulling your SEA CLOAK tighter around you, you keep your eyes peeled for any other surprises lingering in the deep!

ROLL ME 1d100+10 (+5 FOR MAGIC BUNNY SUIT, +5 FOR SEA LEGS) FOR NO REASON IN PARTICULAR! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Rolled 78 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5301523

Rolled 56 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5301523

Rolled 14 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5301523

>>5301526
>>5301549
>>5301559
>HIGHEST ROLL: 83!

Writing! Sorry--bunch of crap came up today and it kept me busy. Should be good for a few more updates, though!

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The rest of the murky ride down to the ocean floor is, compared to the last few days at least, relatively uneventful. You get a good staredown from a trio of young sharks, no doubt thanks to all the tasty guts you littered throughout the water, but they know better than to mess with you!

Shame the rest of your enemies can’t get the picture!

“Bottom floor: housewares, lighting, and ancient laboratories.” Sybil announces with a giggle as her boots hit the muck! Disembarking next to the anchor, you and your pals regroup and reload before continuing forth.

“So,” Talbot grunts as Lil’ Stanley takes the opportunity to leap onto his broad shoulders, “Guns don’t work down here, yea?”

“I’m afraid not,” Sybil shrugs as you and the others retrace your steps towards the cannon, “but their weapons do, so please try to stay alert.”

“Hah!” Snorts your fellow janitor as he keeps pace with you, “Alert’s my middle na-OOF!”

Stumbling over a particularly-long strand of coral, Talbot barely manages to avoid falling onto his face as Lil’ Stanley reconsiders her perch choices. Catching him by the shoulder mid-stumble, you’re quick to retract your hand as both he and Art notice your helpful gesture. W-well then, you add, words nearly stumbling themselves, how do we know we’re headed in the right direction, anyways? It’s DARK down here!

“Call me ole’-fashioned,” Interjects Ly’s disembodied voice, “But I’m bettin’ dat will lead us right to it.” Letting him point your head in the right direction, your eyes land on a long, winding divot in the muck–one that almost looks like someone drove a plow all the way back to the RUINS! Stooping lower for a better look, you raise an eyebrow in confusion. What kind of weird hiking trail is this anyways?

“A hasty one.” Sybil replies in a matter-of-fact tone. “Perhaps when this is over I’ll come back and line it with stones…or some mosaic tiles… hm…”

“Don’t forget a water bowl for dogs.” Talbot adds in a surprisingly-helpful tone. “They get thirsty too, ya’ kno-oh wait… this is where you dragged Stan back, yea?”

OH! That’s uh… you were just about to say that, you stammer! Yep! Golly, musta’ been far!

“Well TELEKINESIS did most of the heavy lifting for me…” Sybil shrugs. “But it’s water under the bridge now–this path should lead us right to where we were before!”

“Yea,” Art shudders as he scans the dimly-lit water around you, “and those cannons. How’d you avoid those, huh?”

“Luck, mostly.” Replies Sybil with a shrug. “So again: please stay alert.”

“Alert’s my-”

We KNOW, dor-OOF!

“Watch yer’ step, cupcake.”

Yea, THANKS.

>CONTD.

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>>5301945
It isn’t long before you start sensing something… off... about the water around you. Not off like the engine room of that SUB you blew up, mind, but definitely off. Static electricity dances along the surface of your jumpsuit and hat and a faint taste of ozone and cotton candy tells you that you’re getting closer to the cannon’s killzone.

Your suspicions are confirmed shortly after when you skirt around a perfectly circular divot in the seafloor–its edges lined with an impossibly-thin layer of glass still glowing orange from a prior strike.

And you just had to leave the marshmallows in the van...

“Shut up about the marshmallows for a sec and look!”

Barely resisting the urge to slap Art upside his dumb ginger head, you take his advice to heart as you spot it–the barrel of a colossal gun atop a hill that looks farther and farther away every second you stare at it.

“So…” Talbot grunts as you all drop into cover behind the remains of a shipping container with a vaguely-familiar company logo etched on its side, “That’s the CANNON, huh?”

“One of them, yes.” Sybil hisses as she glances between you and your fellow janitor. “Covert operations are more your strong suit, Stanley–lead the way when you’re ready.”

Piece of cake, you chuckle as you gently nudge The Goth’s bare shoulder! Surveying your approach, you immediately spot a few good candidates: giant coral growth? Check. Big-ass boulder with a divot you can shimmy under? Check. Mountain of plastic weighed down by two cars, a viking longboat, and a tank? Checkaroo!

As your route slowly forms in your head like a puddle under a spilled milk carton, you notice something else out of the corner of your eyes–something BIG!

“Holy CRAP!” Art hisses, “Th-they’re WHALES!”

‘Whale’ he ain’t wrong–from the murky deep comes the face of a gentle giant you’ve only seen in those conservation commercials–one that rivals the size of the SEA DEMON you went SICKO MODE on earlier with a mouthful of brush-like bristles inside!

“Baleen…” Sybil remarks, captivated by the massive beast just like the rest of you. “I’ve never seen one this close before…”

Gracefully drifting through the water like a parade float, the creature lets loose a ringing, almost alien call throughout the sea… and is immediately answered by a trio of fellow whales following close behind! As you, Ly, Lil’ Stanley, and the rest of your cohort watch in awe, you barely react when a sparking projectile the size of the lead whale’s head engulfs the beast in a flash of blinding light!

>CONTD.

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>>5301947
Bowled over by the shockwave, you barely manage to scramble to your feet as the gentle giant is rended into nothingness–its upper half melting away into a pile of crystalline green roses, the bottom crumbling into a patch of flickering pink ice!

Not fully comprehending what happened to their herdmate, the whales continue their death march as who-or what-ever is manning the CANNON prepares to fire once more! Shaking the rest of your team out of their stupefied catatonia, you drag them all in the direction of the gun’s base–now’s your chance!

“I-It j-just… it just poofed...” Art mutters as both Syb and Talbot stare wide-eyed at the carnage–the latter clearly disturbed, the former spellbound with morbid curiosity. Giving them another tug, you and the others make a break for it while the breakin’s good!

Vaulting over coral, giant clams, and piles of old tires, you’re the first of the bunch to touch your hand to the side of the CANNON! As you try to steady your heaving breath, however, you reconsider when you feel the exterior of the gun fizzle with heaps of magical energy!

Blinking into existence next to you, Sybil stands for a split second before being knocked over by the force of the cannon’s blast! Y’know, you remark as you help her back onto her feet, she might wanna wear some shorts under that sweater of hers if she’s gonna keep falling-

“ZIP IT.” Syb growls as Talbot and Art finally catch up, both boys gasping like they just ran a marathon… while being shot at by a cannon.

“W-we…” Art wheezes as he rests his hands on his knees, “W-we made it…”

“Did…” Talbot pants, barely noticing the catatonic raccoon’s claws dug into his shoulders, “Didn’t even… break a sweat… ha ha…”

Sure ya didn’t, you smirk before taking a peek inside the gun’s guts. Sure enough, nestled behind the conduit you, uh, sampled earlier is a small HATCH–one that gives a bit when you tug at what you assume is the handle!

“Step back, Stan–won’t take a sec!” You barely have time to duck to the side as a metallic tendril snakes over your shoulder and yanks the hatch clean off its hinges! Letting in drift in the water beside him, the janitor gives you a smug grin.

“After you!”

Charming. Peering into the cramped crawlspace, you’re happy to find that it’s lined by a dim, purple conduit running all the way through it!

“Well then,” Sybil mutters as she smoothes out the bottom of her sweater, “Shall we? I’ll, er, cover our rear.”

“Why?” Talbot asks, earning an icy glare from The Goth in response. “... oh. Right.”

ROLL ME 1d100+10 TO CRAWL THROUGH (+5 BUNNY SUIT, +5 NATURAL JANITOR HABITAT)! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS! If you’d like to crawl through in a different order, WRITE IT IN, DUDE!

Rolled 51 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5301951

Have plans in a little bit, so I may or may not be able to whip up another update tonight! If not, I'll write some more SUNDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST! Sorry again for the delays today!

Rolled 53 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5301951

Rolled 79 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5301951

Stan->Syb->Art->Talbot

Keep the squishies in the middle between our tanks.

>>5302183
This.

Rolled 26 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5301951
>>5302183 +1

>>5301983
>>5302025
>>5302183
>HIGHEST ROLL: 89!

>>5302183
ORDER RECEIVED!

Writing! Today's updates might be a bit sporadic too--apologies in advance!

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>>5302574
Yea, you reply as you give the passage a good, long stare, you SHALL. Immediately glancing over to Talbot as he samples a bit of seaweed clinging to the cannon’s hull, you snap your fingers a few times to get his attention and point him towards the hatch. That’s right, you mutter as he sends a confused look your way, he’s leading the way!

“Heh!” He responds, confusion swiftly melting away into that trademark bravado of his, “No sweat–I’LL protect you guys!”

Leading the charge, the tracksuited terror squeezes into the hatch with an excited Lil’ Stanley in tow! Continuing down the line, you snap and point at Art, then Syb, and finally you!

“Don’t think we needed a snap, cupcake.”

And that’s why you aren’t running this shitshow, Ly. As your pals clamber inside, your ears are immediately WRACKED by a horrible sound!

“Christ,” Talbot groans from the head of the train, “Do you need, like, some water or something, man?”

“Sorry…” Art mutters between hoarse, heavy breaths, “I uh… I don’t do well in tight spaces.”

“Just focus on your breathing, Artie,” Sybil coos from behind him, “It’ll only take a few minutes.”

“Take it from me, man,” Talbot scoffs as the four of you follow the conduit deeper, “Vents look scary, but they’re actually pretty comfy once yUH AHH AAAAAH!”

A surprisingly shrill shriek bursts from Talbot’s lips as he flops backwards in the vent ahead of you! As Syb illuminates the shaft with magic and Art struggles to maintain his calm breathing, you barely manage to react in time as Lil’ Stanley comes scurrying like a bat outta’ hell over to you! Squeezing past your legs, the woodland critter hisses as you finally see Talbot’s assailant–or rather… assailants!

“Goddamn thing’s on my friggin’ FACE!” The janitor howls as he tugs at a star-shaped creature attached to his cheek! Before he can help, Art is also accosted by several more of the beasts as they shuffle menacingly through the vent!

“S-STARFISH!” Art yelps as Talbot frantically rolls around trying to detach them, “Lots!”

Worse than that, you mutter as you skewer one of the attackers on your BONE CLAWS, they’re…

They’re KILLER STARFISH!
https://youtu.be/eFAaxkc03T8
Charging your team like a swarm of star-shaped bees, the KILLER STARFISH leap with the speed of pumas as they bare their lamprey-like teeth! Freaky!

“Damn… sonnova… friggin bastard starfishes…”

Thankfully your marching order seems to have paid off–though he clearly isn’t enjoying it, Talbot acts as a remarkably good meatshield! Though several of the little bastards cling to him like burrs, his GOODBOYNIUM REACTIVE ARMOR keeps his flesh safe from their hungry jaws!

Doesn’t stop him from screaming, though. What a DIVA!

>CONTD.

File: ventttttts.png (850 KB, 1549x876)

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>>5302611
“Tenacious little things, aren’t they?”

Nestled safely behind both Talbot and Art, Sybil still manages to skewer a few starfish with a RADIANT BLADE conjured from her hand! Running them through like a rapier, the light-based weapon fries the evil echinoderms on the spot, giving Art and Lil’ Stanley wiggle room to take out a few as well!

“Keep moving, damn it!” Art shouts as he takes a page from Syb and stabs a few sea stars with a COMBAT KNIFE, “We’re sitting ducks in here!”

You-NRGH!” Talbot spits as he tries to keep up with a few GOODBOYNIUM TENDRILS, “YOU take the lead, then!”

Happy to let out some aggression, Lil’ Stanley takes advantage of the chaos and her enhanced SPEED AND STRENGTH to try out some seafood! Darting between the creeping critters and your team’s flailing bodies, the raccoon leaps from one starfish to another and dutifully crushes them between her jaws! Good girl!

It’s slow-going, but as you use your BONE CLAWS to thin out the stragglers, you and your team eventually make it further down the tunnel! With Talbot tanking and a system down, it isn’t long before the passage slopes downward–so much so that your SEA CLOAK-induced gravity causes you to slide!

“Oh no...” Art mutters as your pals follow suit, “Can we go one day withOUT falling, please!?”

His face still plastered with starfish, all Talbot can do is grunt in vain as you and the others tumble towards a rapidly-approaching vent cover… at the bottom of a sheer drop!

ROLL ME 1d100+10 TO NOT LAND ON SOMETHING PAINFUL! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS! If you wanna try to cushion someone’s fall in particular, WRITE IT IN!

Rolled 40 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5302614

Rolled 64 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5302614

Rolled 83 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>5302614

>>5302622
>>5302626
>>5302671
>HIGHEST ROLL: 93!
Not bad at all! Writing!

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>>5302718
Alright, if this was, like, Thread 3 or something you might be a little worried. Maybe. But having fallen more times than you can count, by the time you're about to crash through the vent cover, you’re already prepared to land on your feet!

To your surprise, the aforementioned crashing never occurs–in fact, just when you’re inches away from the cover, the hatch pops open and deposits you into a room straight out of a sci-fi flick!

“Friggin’ starfish…” Talbot grumbles as he rises to his feet while rubbing a cluster of suction marks off his face, “Where the hell are we, anywa-”

“SHH!” Sybil hisses as she blinks into existence just in time to catch a flailing Art in her outstretched arms! “Look.”

Following her finger, you examine your surroundings more closely–roughly the size of a small warehouse, the room is filled to the brim with countless glass domes filled with a familiar PURPLE ENERGY. From a metal connector at the top of each machine snakes a gossamer wire–each one culminating in one of several devices similar to a transformer connected to the ceiling. Glowing with the eerie purple energy you took a taste test of earlier, it doesn’t take you long to come to a conclusion:

“It’s a POWER PLANT…”

Damn it, Ly! You were gonna say that… basically!

“It looks to be a power plant, yes.” Sybil nods as she scans the area for any sign of life. “But what’s powering it?” As you move to get a better look into one of the domes, the telltale sound of heavy footprints clanking against the metal floor causes you and the others to immediately freeze up!

“Crap!” Art hisses as he frantically searches for a hiding spot, “We gotta hide!”

You were thinking the exact same thing! As your mind sputters to life with ideas, a series of beeps followed by a heavily-synthesized voice heralds the approach of whatever’s sharing the room with you!

“UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS DETECTED. DO NOT BE ALARMED. REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE.”

“Like HELL!” Talbot hisses before you clap your hand over his big mouth! Is he TRYING to get caught?! It hasn’t seen us yet!

“Let’s keep it that way, then!” Art whispers as he slips between two power generators. “Get to cover!”

With everyone else finding hiding spots, it’s time for YOU to plan too!

>HIDE ON ONE OF THOSE CEILING POWER THINGIES! YOU’LL GET A GOOD VIEW!
>SLIP BETWEEN POWER GENERATORS!
>SCREW WAITING AROUND–SEARCH FOR A DOOR!
>SET ONE OF THOSE GOO BOMBS YOU FOUND IN THE SENTRY’S PATH!
>TRY TO GET AROUND BEHIND WHATEVER’S COMING!
>WAIT PATIENTLY–WHAT IF THIS THING’S TELLING THE TRUTH?
>WRITE-IN!

>>5302750
>HIDE ON ONE OF THOSE CEILING POWER THINGIES! YOU’LL GET A GOOD VIEW!
If it’s friendly, as I wager it may be given machines generally aren’t capable of deception, then there’s no reason not to hide and get a good look at it. If it isn’t, we should be hiding anyway.

>>5302750
>>HIDE ON ONE OF THOSE CEILING POWER THINGIES! YOU’LL GET A GOOD VIEW!

>>5302750
>HIDE ON ONE OF THOSE CEILING POWER THINGIES! YOU’LL GET A GOOD VIEW!

>>5302752
>>5302753
>>5302809
>HIDE ON THE CEILING!

Guess we'll see how friendly this thing is soon enough, huh? ROLL ME 1d100+15 (EMU LEGS, FENCER'S FEMURS, AND BUNNY SUIT) TO STAY OUTTA SIGHT! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Got plans in a little bit so updates might be on hold until MONDAY 3-4PM PST since I've got crap to do in the AM. We'll see what happens, though!

Rolled 74 + 15 (1d100 + 15)

>>5302850

Rolled 5 + 15 (1d100 + 15)

>>5302850

Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>5302850

>>5302873
>>5302988
>>5303093
>HIGHEST ROLL: 89!

Nothin' to it! Writing!

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A condescending grin forms on your face as you watch your teammates scuttle for cover like cockroaches in your apartment’s kitchen. It’s cute... very cute… especially how Syb and Art ‘accidentally’ end up in the same nook together, but as far as you’re concerned this shit is child’s play!

While Talbot struggles to stuff himself under one of the generators with a very concerned Lil’ Stanley in tow, you leap like a grasshopper up to one of the nearby CEILING POWER THINGIES and cling to it like a raccoon on a tree limb!

Precarious though it may be, your hiding spot pays off–you scarcely have time to wrap your legs around a few alien tubes before the source of the stomping makes itself known! Lumbering around the corner with a heavy gait comes a collection of impeccably smooth metal shapes plodding along in a humanoid form! Kept separate by night-imperceptible clouds of what can only be MAGICAL ENERGY, the sentry resembles KELLY, that VIRTUAL INTELLIGENCE you chatted with earlier, albeit more realistic and worn down by what must be years of activity!

“UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS DETECTED. DO NOT BE ALARMED. REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE.”

“Not one fer’ words, is he?” Ly remarks as the metal minion systematically searches the whole row of generators! Dipping what appears to be its head, you watch with childlike interest as a circular divot opens up in the automaton’s head releasing a cone-shaped arc of light! As it proceeds to scan each and every possible hiding spot, your eyes lock with Talbot’s and Lil’ Stanleys as they both shoot you worried glances–the former barely fitting underneath some sort of monitoring console, the latter debating whether to stick with Talbot or risk drowning and swim to a better hiding place!

“UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS DETECTED. DO NOT BE ALARMED. REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE.”

There he goes again! You’re not sure what’s gonna happen when he spots the others, but it’s probably not good, right? It works for the SEA WITCH!

… unless you’re in a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LAB BELONGING TO SOMEONE ELSE! Oh NO! Sending a panicked glance in Syb’s direction, your heart sinks even further into your chest–oh NO! She and Art are FRENCHING!

You’ve gotta do something quick–this whole situation is going bananas!

>TACKLE AND STEALTH-KILL THIS THING!
>DISTRACTION! USE YOUR DOPPELGANGER THING OR AN ITEM AND DRAW IT AWAY!
>GET THE AUTOMATON’S ATTENTION! WHAT DOES IT WANT?
>TRUST IN YOUR DUMBASS FRIENDS AND STAY STILL–MAYBE IT’LL GO AWAY!
>SEE IF LY CAN POSSESS IT!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5303585
>DISTRACTION! USE YOUR DOPPELGANGER THING OR AN ITEM AND DRAW IT AWAY!
Doppelganger should work

>>5303585

> TALK TO IT, MAYBE IT WON'T SHOOT AT YOU WHILE YOU'RE ON IT'S GENERATOR.

And we can emu way if it does, which should let our friends gtfo.

>>5303585
>DISTRACTION! USE YOUR DOPPELGANGER THING OR AN ITEM AND DRAW IT AWAY

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>>5303600
>>5303605
>DECOY DISTRACTION!

>>5303604
>TALK IT OUT!

So it turns out I'm a total fucking mouthbreather and forgot that DISTAL DECOY is a once-per-day thing and you guys already used it to distract some idiots at the DOG HOTEL last thread.

That said, since I put the option in, I'm gonna waive that daily thing for once and allow you to use the ability if you wish! If you have another item or distraction idea, however, feel free to write it in! Otherwise...

ROLL ME 1d100+5 TO DISTRACT THE DORK BELOW YOU! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Rolled 43 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5303649

Rolled 43 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5303649

Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>5303659
>>5303670
>>5303803
>HIGHEST ROLL: 70!

Well did! Writing!

File: atlanteangate.jpg (169 KB, 1000x467)

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Spurred on by an urgency only intense disgust can fuel, you send a cloud of BONE DUST out from within your snaggletooth and onto the floor behind the sentry! Materializing into the spitting (and DANGEROUSLY good looking) image of yourself, you give your doppelganger a simple task:

Run.

And run it does! Cackling like a maniac, your shadow immediately takes off deeper into the maze of generators prompting the guard to dutifully stomp after it in pursuit!

“INITIATING SCAN. DO NOT MOVE. INITIATING SCAN. DO NOT MOVE. INITIATING SCAN. DO NOT MOVE. INITI…”

As the guard’s mechanized voice trails off into the distance, you look back to find your comrades relatively unharmed AND not kissing! Double-win!

“W-well,” Sybil remarks as she hastily fixes her hair, “You’ve bought us some time, Stanley. Though I’m not sure how long that distraction will hold…”

“Long enough for us to get the hell outta’ here!” Talbot counters as he adjusts his FANCY BOWTIE. “Come on!” Charging towards what appears to be a door at the end of one of the rows of generators, the janitor lingers in place for a moment before sheepishly trudging back.

“I uh… I’ve got no clue where the hell we are, Stan.”

Neither do you, but you ain’t gonna say that! Tapping your chin in thought, you head over to the door Talbot approached and give it a good frown–besides being sealed behind teeth-like bars, the Atlantean door hums with a dull, tooth-tingling energy–one that gives you a mini-migraine just staring at it!

“Sealed…” Sybil remarks as she and Art follow you over. “With MAGIC, no doubt.”

Scowling at the glowing door, you can’t help but scoff a bit. What gave her that idea?

“That, mostly.” Following her pale finger, you find yourself staring at a flickering orb seated in a small recess beside the door. Crackling with alien energy, it changes color as you bring your hand closer to it.

“Any idea on how it works?” Art asks as he looks at Syb.

“Not entirely, no…” Sybil huffs, “But I can try to find out…”

“OR we just cut the power to it.” Talbot shrugs as he points towards one of the several conduits running along the floor and into the generators around you.

“Or we could just, y’know, search for another way out.” Ly suggests, earning a shrug from you. But that’s HARD!

“Sure is, but we found a way in, didn’t we?” Your bones counter. “There might be a few more subtle ways around…”

“Though your choice of distractions might have raised suspicions anyways.” Says Sybil with a frown. “It won’t be long until something finds us…

What’s the plan?
>HAVE SYB TRY THE DOOR!
>FIDDLE WITH THE MECHANISM YOURSELF!
>TAKE DOWN SOME GENERATORS TO REMOVE THE SEAL!
>SEARCH FOR ANOTHER VENT OR SOMETHING!
>TALK TO THAT SENTRY!
>JUST BUST THE DOOR MECHANISM OPEN!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5303873

>FIDDLE WITH THE MECHANISM YOURSELF!

What's the worst that could happen?

>>5303873
>FIDDLE WITH THE MECHANISM YOURSELF!

>>5303873
>SEARCH FOR ANOTHER VENT OR SOMETHING!

Whoops, got drunk and passed out playing Steam demos last night--sorry about that!

>>5303922
>>5303969
>CLASSIC STAN CHICANERY!

>>5304137
>MORE VENTS! MORE VENTS!

Writing!

File: energybaaaaaaal.gif (1.87 MB, 450x450)

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MAN, you groan as you push past your pals, dramatic, much? Your rubber boots squeak quietly on the marble-like floor as you approach the flickering orb of energy housed next to the gate. Alien or not, you shrug, you’ve been breaking into places since Thread 1–hell, way earlier than that!

“Yes, as I recall we’re still banned from that froyo shop…” Sybil says with a disappointed look in her eyes. “But Stanley, this is MAGICAL energy we’re dealing wi-”

And from what you’ve seen so far, you counter as you give the orb a closer inspection, MAGIC’S more of an art than a science–so what’s wrong with improvising a bit?

“I mean… did you already forget the whale?” Art asks as you cautiously poke a finger at the flickering ball of energy. “Because I didn’t forget the whale.”

‘Whale’ he can chill, alright? You’ve got this! Just uh, you mutter, waving the others away with a dismissive gesture, just keep an eye out for that robot thing!

Having thoroughly investigated what you’re dealing with, you can confirm that the orb is housed in a small recess next to the gate–its light changing color every few seconds.

The gate itself still hurts to stare at, and though you haven’t messed with it yet, you feel an almost static field emanating from its surface. The fact that it’s sealed shut with teeth like protrusions doesn’t make you feel any more confident.

“Fine. Don’t go disintegrating yourself, alright?” Art grumbles as he and the others cover your back. Hah! You don’t even know the meaning of the word!

“She really doesn’t.”

Shut uuuuuup, Ly!

Okay, so you actually have no clue whatsoever how to do this. You... you don't got this. But uh... if you were going to open it, what would you do first?

>POKE THE ORB!
>TALK TO THE ORB!
>CHUCK SOMETHING AT THE ORB!
>HAVE ONE OF THE OTHERS FIDDLE WITH THE ORB OR GATE! (WHO?)
>TAP THE ORB WITH YOUR MAGIC-CHARGED PRISM!
>GIVE THE ORB SOME FOOD!
>BACKUUM UP THE ORB!
>GIVE UP AND LET SYB TRY IT!
>TRY TO FIND A VENT!
>TRACK DOWN THAT ROBOT THING!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5304415
>GIVE THE ORB SOME FOOD!

>>5304415
>POKE THE ORB!
>TALK TO THE ORB!
>CHUCK SOMETHING AT THE ORB!
>TAP THE ORB WITH YOUR MAGIC-CHARGED PRISM!

>>5304415

> USE YOUR TIRE IRON LIKE A CROWBAR AND POP THE ORB OUT

>>5304430
>FEED THE OOOOORB

>>5304432
>JUST DO FUCKING EVERYTHING, I DUNNO

>>5304453
>POKE THE ORB WITH YOUR TIRE IRON AND POP IT OUT

In the interest of time I'm just gonna take the two sorta 'poking' votes and roll with those using the TIRE IRON!

ROLL ME 1d100 FOR REASONS! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>5304585

Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>5304585

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>5304585
Yoink.

>>5304591
>>5304603
>>5304633
>HIGHEST ROLL: 78!!!

WRITING!

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Possibilities gnaw at your brain like a pack of CLEARWATER’S INFAMOUS WILD DOGS tearing apart a week-old hunk of brisket. As far as you can tell, magic kinda works arbitrarily–kinda like Lil’ Stanley… or Talbot. Because of that, you have a tricky time figuring out just what to try first!

Spurred on by the distant sound of the sentry repeating his instructions to your doppelganger and the impatient groans from your fellow EVENING SANITATION COORDINATOR, your brain spontaneously hatches an idea egg–one that prompts you to retrieve your trusty TELESCOPING GOO MOP from your inventory!

“The MOP?” Art hisses in an incredulous tone as Syb quietly facepalms next to him. What? You’re just gonna nudge it out, sheesh!

“Like a hornet’s nest, right?” Asks Talbot with an excited snap of his fingers! “Good call, ba-err, Stan!”

What a dope, you hiss as you extend the mop at your side, he’s been with you for, like, half the damn quest and can’t even get your damn name right! Lining up the mop handle with the eldritch orb, a tiny, but tenacious mutt grabs ahold of your brainmeat…

This… this is silly!

“Oh thank GODS.” Sybil sighs, sharing a relieved grin with Art. “Yes, Stanley, given it’s the work of a highly-advanced race, we really should b-”

Swiftly replacing your GOO MOP with your TIRE IRON, you line it up with your target as you give your pals a reassuring grin. This way you won’t ruin the mop, you explain with a conspiratorial wink!

When no one but Talbot winks back, you shrug and wind up for the pitch! Swinging the iron at the orb like it owes you money (and it will if you aren’t getting overtime by now), you’re taken by surprise as the orb not only reacts to your attack, but actually CLINGS to the edge of the tire iron!

Crackling and hissing with arcane energy, the orb sends magic up and down the length of your weapon as the gate you pried it from groans to life in a symphony of alarms and garbled warnings in a foreign language! Creaking in protest, the teeth barring the gate slowly retract into the wall with a menacing hiss! The bars are only retracted for a second or two before you’re met with a muffled shriek from beyond the door–one that sounds somewhere between a raccoon being butchered and an elephant being stuffed into a trombone!

“I uh…” Art stammers as the gate nearly buckles under something slamming against it from the other side, “I think we should leave...”

As your team watches the chaos unfold in abject terror, you do what any leader would do in a situation like this:

Panic!

>CONTD.

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>>5304727
Frozen in place like a lost child at the supermarket (a perspective not wholly unfamiliar to you), you feel the TIRE IRON jerk and wiggle in your loose, trembling hand! Glancing between it and the gate, you nearly drop the auto repair tool as the orb on its end morphs into a hissing serpent formed from blinding white light!

Dancing out of the way of its attacks, you nearly fall over as your friends open fire behind you! Twirling to face them, you watch in shock as the sentry from before brushes off Sybil and Art’s magic before leaping past Talbot’s tendrils and Lil’ Stanley’s jaws!

Landing with a massive THUD next to you, the automaton rushes to the empty recess where the orb was sitting just as a meaty tentacle lined with hairy barbs and pulsating glowing veins darts through a crack in the gate and grabs for your ankle!

“P-P-PEEL APART THE LAYERSSS AND LLLLLLAP UP TH-THE SECRETSSSS!”

The slurred, stunted voice from beyond the door has an almost sing-song quality to it… like a child reciting a nursery rhyme. Not keen on finding out what it means, you snatch your MAGICAL SNAKE TIRE IRON off the ground and bring it crashing down onto the speaker’s appendage!

Sensing your intent, the snake head bites down on the tentacle and cleanly bisects it into two hissing pieces–one flopping around on the floor like a fish that escaped its tank, the other retreating behind the gate with a baleful howl spewing boiling orange liquid into the water around you!

Giving your new weapon a thankful nod, you and your friends prepare for more as the tentacle you felled is replaced by five more! Prying open the gate, the tendrils fire their hairy barbs in the direction of your pretty little face! Oh NO! Anything but your money-maker!

>CONTD.

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>>5304733
As a salvo of razor-sharp hairs whizzes past your head, you notice the severed tentacle from before rising from its resting place on the ground on a fresh pair of arms and legs!

“TELLL OR WEEEE TAAAKE," It gurgles, laughing haughtily to itself,"TEEELLLL OR WE TAAAA-”

Before Tentacle Jr. can finish, he’s soundly vaporized by a cone of impossibly-bright light from the sentry’s head! As the creature fizzles out of existence like newspaper in a bonfire, a compartment in the golem’s chest pops open revealing another orb–one that fits snugly inside the now-empty recess next to the gate! With its power source restored, the gate’s defenses flicker to life once more and immediately get to work cooking the tentacles trying to get through!

“CAN’T HIIIDE FOREVERRR CAN’T HIIIIDE FOREVERRRR!”

Laughing as whatever field blankets the gate reduces them to mulch, the tentacles and their owner retreat beyond the gate once more! With a satisfying ‘click’, the toothlike protrusions bar the gate once more as the sentry, now powerless, kneels in front of the fresh orb as a last-ditch attempt to protect it!

As you and your pals struggle to register what just happened, your impromptu pow-wow is pushed back when not one, not two, but THREE brand-new golems emerge from secret compartments in the walls! Stomping towards you with menacing lights shining from their rectangular heads, the golems repeat the request your doppelganger must have heard at least a hundred times now:

“INITIATING SCAN. DO NOT MOVE.”

What… what’s the plan here?
>DUH, DO NOT MOVE!
>RUN! MAYBE SCREAM A BIT, TOO!
>CRY! IT GOT YOU OUT OF A SPEEDING TICKET ONCE!
>ATTACK THE GOLEMS WITH YOUR NEW TIRE IRON!
>TRY TO COMMUNICATE!
>MAKE ONE OF YOUR DUMB FRIENDS DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5304738
>MAKE ONE OF YOUR DUMB FRIENDS DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
Syb, we can’t into magic. wat do?

>>5304738
>DUH, DO NOT MOVE!
why not, worst case scenario it attacks us I guess

>>5304738

>DUH, DO NOT MOVE!

As tempting as
>CRY! IT GOT YOU OUT OF A SPEEDING TICKET ONCE
is...

>>5305057
>SYB! DO SOMETHING!

>>5305059
>>5305081
>DON'T MOVE!

Writing!

File: scanning.jpg (104 KB, 1280x800)

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You’re… you’re not, y’know SCARED or anything, but given what just happened over the past minute or so, you don’t find it very hard to comply with the construct’s demands. As its singular glowing eye gradually lights up, you’re taken aback when you hear the faint sound of a struggle emanating from within the golem’s head!

“-p aside, Rodhi, I’ll be handeelink thees… ASSUMING MANUAL CONTROL.”

Stiffening in place for a brief moment, you hear someone, or something approach on the other end. “Drooling eembecile–chaseenk a seemple illusion like a pet ghaudra… yes, you, you fool–make yourself useful for a change and activate the backup sentries!”

You barely have time to exchange a puzzled look with the rest of your pals before a wave of light washes over you… one that feels kinda funny... but also not that bad, y’know?

“Now then… let us see what we hef here…” Mutters a bored, feminine voice from within the golem as the cone of light expands to include your hapless comrades as well, “Five… no, SIX lifeforms in total… four humans, two male, two female, one Northern Raccoon… tch… and one… hm… that’s a peculiarity…”

You feel Ly shift awkwardly under your skin as the tingly light intensifies on you. Hoo boy…

“Hmm…” The voice purrs, “What are you hidink from me, little preemitive…?”

You can’t help but fidget a bit under the light… damn it, you mutter, if Art or Talbot are staring-

“Ach, twitchy little rats…” Scoffs the voice as the cone of light shifts a bit. “Rodhi. RODHI! Yes, you, you slime! Adjust sentry pacification seestems to feefteen… no, twenty percent… I want these monkeys drooleeng and comatose eef they try to run, not vaporized.”

Groaning with irritation more characteristic of a teen being asked to take out the trash rather than a twelve-foot golem with hands bigger than your head, your mysterious observer shines the scanner on you one more time. “Now then… where were we…”

Clicking what you assume must be her tongue, the voice behind the golem hums an idle tune to herself as the light intensifies on you… MAN that feels weird!

“Stan…” Ly whispers as you bite your lip and clench your fists, “I uh… I ain’t sure a dis’...”

You aren’t either, but what can ya’ do?

>CONTINUE THE SCAN–GET IT OVER WITH!
>TELL WHOEVER’S RUNNING THE SHOW YOU’VE GOT SOME QUESTIONS!
>NO THANKS, SISTER! SURPRISE-ATTACK THE GOLEMS!
>ONE OF YOUR PALS SPRINGS INTO ACTION! (WHICH ONE(S)?)
>WRITE-IN!

>>5305343
>TELL WHOEVER’S RUNNING THE SHOW YOU’VE GOT SOME QUESTIONS!

Unleash our winning force of personality!

>>5305343
>TELL WHOEVER’S RUNNING THE SHOW YOU’VE GOT SOME QUESTIONS!

>>5305343
>>TELL WHOEVER’S RUNNING THE SHOW YOU’VE GOT SOME QUESTIONS!

>>5305368
>>5305381
>>5305387
>HOLD ON THERE, PAL!

ROLL ME 1d100-5 (+5 BUNNY SUIT, -10 SPEAKER SCIENCE AUTISM) TO GET SOME QUESTIONS IN! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

If you have a specific way of getting the voice's attention or a specific question to lead with, WRITE 'EM IN, DAMN IT!

This will also be the last update of the night--got work to do early tomorrow and can't promise an update until around WEDNESDAY 3-4PM PST! Thanks as always for playing along and keep an eye out for earlier updates!

Rolled 92 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>5305418

Rolled 31 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>5305418

Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>5305418

>>5305422
>>5305493
>>5305611
>HIGHEST ROLL: 87!

Writing!

File: stanstats.png (89 KB, 600x600)

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Wait a minute, you think to yourself as the scan proceeds, you know exactly what you can do! You’ve got interrupting people down to an ART!

“Age: twenty years… height: five feet and four inches… weight-”
Hey.

“... naturally green eye pigmentation,” The voice continues, barely registering your words, “but there appears to be a GOODBOYNIUM PROSTHETIC symbiotically-attached to the right eye socke-”

HEY.

“Ngh.. high levels of magical contamination in integumentary, skeletal, respiratory, lymphatic AND circulatory systems… that’d explain quite a bit, yes-”

HEY!

“Custodial coveralls and hat… Emergency Life Support Cloak–stolen, presumably–” The voice spits, “careless scouts… and some sort of magically-charged… cabaret outfit? Ech, preemitives and their toys…”

“Wait, what was that about a cabare-”

SHUT UP, ART! AND YOU! You snarl, jabbing a finger in the golem’s eye, WHAT THE HELL’S HER PROBLEM, ANYWAYS?! DOES SHE EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE!?

The voice lets loose a drawn-out, irritated sigh. “Of COURSE I know, you eembecile… it’s the only reason I allowed you into thees lab in the first place… Rodhi, status on those pacification seestems?”

Oh yea, you retort as you sidestep the scanning laser, then who ARE you, huh, smarty pants?

You hear something slam against something hard on the controller’s end.

“Stanley Parble: Evenink Sanitation Coordinator at GOOD BOY DOGGIE BONES and a general thorn in MASTER TIBIUS’ side. And mine with these petulant interruptions of yours… ugh.”

Alright, you nod, but that was just a lucky guess! Your uh, your reputation perceives you!

“You also made meenimal efforts to conceal your arrival.” The voice groans over the sound of tapping fingers on the other end. “Our sensors peeked you and your little friends up long before you stole that dinghy... now seet steel until the scan feenishes or I’ll have the sentry render you and your fellow rodents much more compliant, eef you’re catching my meanink.”

You don’t, but that’s never stopped you before!

>CONTD.

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>>5306187
Uh-uh-UH, you snap with a wag of your pointer finger, you’ve got a few questions for her… and you ain’t leaving without answers!

“You’ll find it very deeficult to leave regardless,” Scoffs the voice as they resume the scan, “but if it weel pacify you somewhat, then so be it. I deedn’t become HIGH SCHOLAR without being able to multitask… damned preemitives…”

HAH! She’s gonna answer your questions, you cheer, glancing back at your friends with a shit-eating grin plastered on your face! That means you WON!

“Ech… whatever ees helpink you sleep at night…”

Okay, okay, okay–you have an idea of who you’re talking to, but what do you start with? She seems pretty annoyed already! YOU CAN PROBABLY ASK HER UP TO 3 THINGS TOTAL BEFORE SHE GETS IRRITATED! WELL, MORE IRRITATED!

>WHO ARE YOU ANYWAYS?
>WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT THING BEHIND THE GATE?
>WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ‘LET US IN’?
>WHERE THE HELL ARE WE, ANYWAYS?
>DO YOU KNOW MAGIC, BY CHANCE?
>SPILL SOME BEANS ON MASTER TIM OR WHATEVER! YOU WANT DIRT, GIRL!
>WHO’S ROADY? WHERE ARE ALL OF THE SKELETONS?
>SHE MENTIONED SOME MAGICAL CONTAMINATION–WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THAT?
>ONE OF YOUR PALS HAS A QUESTION! (SYB? ART? TALBOT?)
>WRITE-IN!

>>5306193
>WHO ARE YOU ANYWAYS?
>>WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ‘LET US IN’?

>>5306193
>WHO ARE YOU ANYWAYS?
>WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ‘LET US IN’?
>SHE MENTIONED SOME MAGICAL CONTAMINATION–WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THAT?

>>5306206
>>5306211
>WHO ARE YOU!?
>WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU 'LET US IN'?!
>MAGICAL CONTAMINATION--WHAT'S THE DEAL?

Writing!

>>5306211
This one.

We should see what they know about fairies at some point, since the Atlanteans were supposedly at war with them.

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Question Number 1, you hiss as you raise the corresponding finger in the golem’s face, who the hell does she think she is, anyways?

“My, my… wherever did my manners go?” Replies in a voice dripping with unamused sarcasm, “As fascinatink as it would be to observe you coming to your own conclusions, your brain scan data just feenished processing… I’ll attempt to speak more slowly.”

Ignoring the snickers from behind you, you respond with your trademark frown–is she gonna tell you or not!?

“I,” the voice begins in an annoyingly clear voice, “am IZITHA REMORANAH TENATEAH: HIGH SCHOLAR OF ATLANTIS INSTALLATION #446753. Don’t bother repeatink the name–you’ll hurt yourself.”

Oh no… she’s RIGHT! As you quickly go through the name a few more times in your head, you feel a sharp pain in between your brain’s few folds! Is… is she a SIDEKICK?!

Wait, no… you’re just coming to a realization. False alarm, people. Sending an unsure glance between the golem and your friends, you ask the question burning inside of your head:

Is she… the SEA WITCH?!

“... yea, wow, a leetle surprised it took you that long to feegure out…” The voice replies in a derisive tone. “There are some that call me that, yes–usually mouth-breathing preemitives that steel cower at lightning and require chokeenk hazard warninks on their toys.”

You can’t help it if those blocks look so damn tasty, alright!?

“Focus, cupcake.”

Yea, yea, you mutter under your breath, you’re gettin’ there! So, you segue, placing your hands on your hips as the scanning laser continues doing its thing, she’s the LIEUTENANT, huh? You thought she’d be a lil’ bigger, but here she is piloting a robot barely bigger than Gus!

“Stan, she isn’t inside the golem…” Sybil whispers as she rubs her temples in embarrassment.

“Leesten to your stupid friend, stupid.” The voice adds in a haughty tone.

“S-stupid?!” Sybil growls, eyes flaring up with anger and shock! “Y-you’re speaking to a fellow practitioner of the ARCANE ARTS, High Scholar! Y-”

“Yes, yes, we’re all very impressed, novice.” The voice interrupts dismissively! “Allow me to guess: THREE DAILY SPELLS? FOUR, PERHAPS?”

The Goth’s reply dies halfway out of her throat. “Y-yes, w-well-”

“Adorable.”

>CONTD.

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>>5306443
“Now then,” continues the witch, “I’m sure you’ve got a very busy schedule lordink your average intellect over your flock of idiots, so steek to your strengths, NOVICE, and don’t interrupt me again, otherwise I’ll show you what an actual scholar can do.”

Stuck somewhere between furious and embarrassed, Sybil’s pale face burns red as her eyes flicker with blue light!

“And do try to keep your emotions under control–you look so very ugly when you’re upset.”

“H-hey,” Art stammers as Syb stands there gobsmacked, “You’d better stop talking about her like that, or-

“Silence, weeb.”

“... okay.”

“As I was sayink,” continues the Sea Witch in a testy voice, “I am not inside of the sentry–merely observink from a secure location. And might I say, Stanley,” the witch continues, “You’ve exceeded my expectations quite a bit!”

You blink. R-really?

“No. Not really.” She spits. “From how MASTER TIBIUS and the others described you, I expected you to be taller... and thinner... and much less stupid. I suppose even the brightest minds can be wrong now and again…”

Happy to disappoint, you counter with a grin! Wait, did she just call you fat?

“Now then,” the witch deflects, “All mental deficiencies aside, I presume you’re wondering why I let you all in here, yes?”

“Duh!.” Talbot laughs! “That was pretty dumb of ya’, wasn’t it, Stan?”

Yea, you reply as you share a grin with your fellow janitor, it was! Hey Syb, this witch is pretty dumb, huh?

Glancing behind you, your eyes fall upon a very distraught Sybil hugged by a concerned Art. “I uh… I think she’s gonna sit this one out for a little bit, guys.”

What a diva. You get called dumb all the time and it never bothers you! … much!

“How gallant of you.” The witch remarks. “Tell me: did it not seem somewhat strange that there was a clear path in an all but unguarded cannon that led you and your little friends directly into the lab?”

You blink in confusion. There were SKELETONS, though… and a DEMON.

“Tch. What a baby.”

>CONTD.

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>>5306446
Not satisfied with her answer, Talbot stomps over to your side and jabs an accusatory finger in the golem’s blocky chest! “What the hell are you saying, huh? That we only got down here cuz’ you let us? Yea RIGHT!”

“Yea,” The voice echoes in a matter-of-fact tone, “Right. Were the research base operating at peak capacity, under my guidance, of course, we wouldn’t be havink this conversation right now.”

“Sounds great.” Art remarks, earning a long, hard stare from the golem.

“While I’d much rather be dissectink your mangled corpses right now,” the witch continues, “recent circumstances have forced me to think ‘outside the box’ as you preemitives say. Simply put, I have need of your… abilities.”

The room goes silent as you, Talbot, Art, and even Syb exchange a puzzled glance before exploding into raucous laughter!

“Oh boy, here we go with the laughink again…” The witch sighs as you double over in mirth!

“Is.. is dis’ broad SERIOUS!?!” Ly howls as Art starts smacking the floor with his palm! “She… she wants OUR help!?”

“Yes, ‘Ly’,” answers the High Scholar with renewed irritation in her voice, “that ees exactly what I want. And once your master stops laughing like the nose-peeking simpleton she ees, I’ll happily explain why… well, not happily, but…”

Okay, okay, okay, you wheeze, shaken out of your mirth by the witch directly addressing your skeleton, how the hell did she do that, anyways? And… and what makes her think she can order you around, exactly?

“I’m the HIGH SCHOLAR… and I’m the HIGH SCHOLAR.” She replies in a matter-of-fact tone. “Now listen closely, preemitive… you stand to gain quite a bit from what I’m about to offer…”

Having fully recovered from your laughing fit, you stumble back to your feet and give the golem an appraising glare. Okay, Izzie, you snap, what’s this opportunity all about, huh?

“As I’m sure you haven’t already surmised,” explains the witch, “thees facility is under LOCKDOWN.”

“It uh… it does seem pretty abandoned for an evil lab.” Talbot remarks as he glances around the generator room. “And I’d know!”

“I’m sure you would, traitor.” The High Scholar spits. “I don’t want to hurt your small brains with too many big words, so I’ll be brief: a few days ago a promising test in our TELEPORTATION LABS resulted in some, well, unforeseen consequences.”

You blink. Did she... did she ever play that ga-

“No. No I deedn’t. Now focus, stupid.”

She’s missin’ out, that’s all you’re sayin’!

>CONTD.

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>>5306448
“The good news,” The Witch continues, “Ees that the mental defective responsible for the mess was eviscerated mere seconds after he made his mistake. The bad news,” she sighs, “Ees that hees leetle mistake attracted some, shall we say, ‘unwanted guests’.”

“DEMONS?” Syb asks, earning a tongue click from the golem.

“Your mental fortitude is worthy of song, NOVICE. Yes, stupid, the mistake opened a portal to another dimension: one that ees home to a particularly unscrupulous demon and his horde of thralls: RUMOS: COLLECTOR OF SECRETS.”

“Pfft,” Talbot scoffs, “Sounds like a huge dork to me!”

“And every word that escapes your perpetually-flapping lips sounds like a donkey braying to me.” Snaps Izzie. “Now here’s the eemportant part: being a, as you say, ‘huge dork’, the first think the demon did upon entering this plane was commandeer the facility’s seestems, save for a few, as you can plainly see.”

The golems gesture to the room around you. Yep, you nod, not a lot of demons in here, that’s for sure.

“No thanks to you, stupid.” The witch snarls. “Were it not for my swift actions, your bodies would be picked clean and your souls would be fettered forever in THE COLLECTOR OF SECRET’S ruling plane… doomed to forever answer basic trivia questions about your homeworld!”

Oh come on, you chuckle, that doesn’t sound that bad!

“Eet ees, alright? Don’t be a bitch.” The witch counters! “Now while all eet would take ees for someone to fight their way to the center of this PYRAMID-”

“Pyramid power?” Sybil scoffs with renewed venom in her voice, “No wonder your facility was overrun. Pyr-”

“I have trekked to countless planes and worlds long before you humans learned what fire ees, NOVICE, and every civilization worth eets salt swore by pyramid power. Every. One.”

“Aha!” Sybil grins, “Then perhaps you’ve heard of those structures we built in Egypt? What were those called again?”

“Oh… oh no!” The witch exclaims in shock, “Th-the PYRAMIDS! Y-you’re absolutely right-I-I can’t believe I forgot about the pyr-oh WAIT, that was the PLEIADIANS. Oops. Spoilers.”

Opening her trembling lips for a retort, Sybil is once again interrupted by the voice coming from the golem’s head.

“Now run along and cry into your preemitive pillow, NOVICE. The adult is still talkink.”

Art wraps his arm around Syb as she once more falls into embarrassed catatonia. Dang, man!

>CONTD.

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>>5306449
So, you mutter in an attempt to clear the awkwardness out of the air, what was that about the center of the facility?

“At the center of thees lab sits a device of immeasurable power:” Izzie explains, “The ZAKHMET FREQUENCY RELAY. Named after the late HIGH SCHOLAR ZAKHMET, of course, not that you’d know him. Stupid.”

“That uh,” Art interjects in a cautious tone, “wouldn’t happen to be a TOTEM of some sort, would it?”

“Why yes, it would.” Replies the witch in an impressed tone. “If, that ees, you were a drooling preemitive. But please feel free to call the product of countless millennia of arcane research, blood, sweat and tears whatever you like. Hells, call it an ‘ook’ eef eet pleases you–that’s an easy word, eesn’t eet? Only one syllable!”

“Yea, I’m good.” Art growls, clearly ready to grind something into a fine powder. “So why does someone as smart as you need us to fix your problems, anyways?”

“Oh I don’t need any of you…” The witch scoffs as if Art had just insulted her mother, “But upon watching you all approach with the grace of a KHOOR BEAST on a t’ukka high, I realized that we have much to gain from one another!”

Yea, you ask with growing impatience, and what might that be, huh?

“Eesn’t eet obvious?” Izzie replies. “You want to kill me, don’t you? To absorb my power in your quest to defeat MASTER TIBIUS?”

You shrug. You tend to let the players handle the agency, really.

“Well as it so happens, I desire to banish THE COLLECTOR OF SECRETS back to his plane… and reclaim control over the facility in the process, of course.” The golem explains. “My proposition is this: fight your way to the CENTER, reset the ZAK-ugh, TOTEM, and thwart the DEMONIC INCURSION onto this plane. Do this and I’ll happily grant you an audience. After that,” the golem shrugs, “Who can say?”

“And what’s stoppin’ us from tracking you down and kicking your bony ass ourselves, huh?!” Talbot asks as he cracks his knuckles menacingly!

“Quite a few things, actually:” The voice groans. “First: you don’t know where I am, and even if you did, you’d be trying to infiltrate a place not even a GREATER DEMON can break into. Second, I have all the time in the world. You, on the other hand, have mortal concerns to attend to, like food. Not that you seem to have missed many meals lately.”

Hey!

“Third, even if by some flagrant stroke of luck you managed to track me down AND defeat me, you’ll still have a DEMONIC INVASION to deal with–one you can’t even dream of thwarting without my PERSONAL CIPHERS for the facility.”

Shoot, you forgot about the CIPHERS!

>CONTD.

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>>5306452
“In conclusion,” The witch finishes with a resigned sigh, “This proposal is the best chance you have of completing your mission. You do want to complete your mission, don’t you?”

Hell yea you do, you snarl, but you’re not gonna do all the heavy lifting! If you’re gonna play by her rules, and that’s a BIG if, she’s gonna need to help you out!

“Yes, yes, I’m well aware of that…” Scoffs the witch with the tone of an annoyed parent, “You humans are always dying in remarkably stupid ways… it’s a wonder your race made it out of this preemative mud puddle you call an ocean…”

“Can you help us or not?” Art snaps, causing Izzie to pause a bit.

“Of course I can, stupid.” She snaps, quickly regaining her composure. “All security countermeasures and staff beyond the quarantine zones will most likely be compromised–that said, I can provide you with a sentry or two that’s been doubly-warded against demonic possession–it won’t remain unpossessed for long, of course, but it will hold for a time.”

“And what about us?” Art asks as her statement sinks in. “What’s stopping us from being possessed, exactly?”

“You’ll be provided with similar wardink, of course.” The witch coos. “Again, eet eesn’t permanent, but it will hold.”

“For a time.” Sybil murmurs under her breath.

“Precisely.” Izzie agrees. “Though if my hypothesis is correct, Stanley, you won’t have much to worry about on that front.”

You respond with a snarl! What’s that supposed to mean, huh?

“You appear to be ‘possessed’ already.” The witch explains. “Not entirely, of course, but this ‘Ly’ entity you have might provide some interference between you and THE COLLECTOR’S THRALLS. Most of them prefer to eat mortals, however. Also my scan detects that you smell of CINNAMON.

“Hey, yea,” Talbot remarks as he raises an eyebrow your way, “I was wonderin’ about that too. What’s the deal?”

“Well as any non-preemitive knows,” Answers the witch, “Demons LOVE cinnamon, especially cinnamon sugar.

“So does that mean Stanley will be able to pass unharmed?” Sybil asks as confusion seeps into her pale face.

“No, NOVICE, eet means they’ll be too busy tryink to eat her to possess her.” Izzie groans. “Please try to keep up.”

“So,” Art remarks as Sybil silently fumes next to him, “We just need to stick with Stan and we’ll be alright?”

“You won’t be possessed, probably.” Shrugs the golem. “You might get eaten though. Not that I mind, of course–I win either way.”

Well ain’t that just peachy/i]?

>CONTD.

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>>5306453
“Now then,” The witch continues, clearly not giving a crap about what you think, “I can also arrange some TELEPORTATION closer to the center of the facility if you’ll follow the sentries to the next room over. Don’t dawdle, now.”

Hold it, you snap as the sentries move to leave, you’ve got a question you need answered first!

“By all means,” groans your temporary ally, “the DEMON INVASION will wait–what’s the rush? Please, ask whatever you like. I inseest.”

Well if she ‘inseest’s, you growl, what was that she was saying about ‘contamination’ earlier? You know, with the MAGIC and junk!

“Hm? Ah yes, sometimes I forget how unapologetically stupid you preemitives are… you know about MAGIC about as much as a dachshund knows CALCULUS.”

Wait, you frown, what the hell is CALCINUS?

“She’s talking about CALCIUM, you dweeb.” Talbot snickers. “Y’know, the stuff milk’s made of?”

“I’m just goink to intervene here before I catch the stupid…” Interjects the witch in an annoyed tone. “Since I doubt you’ll live long enough to truly comprehend this explanation, I’ll be brief: your entire body is saturated in heavy amounts of RAW MAGIC.”

When she says RAW MAGIC, you interrupt, does she mean, like, WILD MAGIC, or-

“WILD magic? How precious.” The witch giggles in an unnervingly chipper voice! “Yes, yes, the big, bad WILD magic will get you, so take care!”

You get the vague feeling that she’s making fun of you.

“Of course I am, stupid. RAW MAGIC is the correct term–HIGH SCHOLAR, remember?”

Sure, you groan, so what’s the deal, anyways?

“The ‘deal?” She responds, unsure of how to reply, “What, you mean… you haven’t… oh that IS amusing!”

In a distressing display of technological achievement, the golems double over in a collective giggle fit! Quit it, assholes!

>CONTD.

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>>5306454
A few uncomfortable seconds later, the sentries return to their stoic, yet still imposing selves.

“Ahhh… apologies, something about your innate DULLNESS tickled me…”

And you’re SO happy to hear that, you snarl, but WHY?! What’s so funny, huh?

“Well,” The witch wheezes, “At first glance I assumed you were just heavily contaminated by the naturally-occuring RAW MAGIC in the area. Upon further inspection of your scan, however, it would appear that the excess magical energy is seeping out of you.”

“Did you say ‘excess’?” Syb asks in a cautious tone.

“Yes, NOVICE, I did.” The witch sighs. “Eet’s a common condition among preemitives–they absorb RAW MAGIC like a very stupid sponge, then refine it within themselves, usually without even being conscious of the procedure.”

You blink as you touch your hand to your chest. So wait, you mutter, that means you’re-

“Yes,” The witch answers impatiently, “A VERY stupid magical sponge/refinery hybrid–one with a lot of leaks, side effects, and a guaranteed short lifespan. Congratulations.”

Err, hooray? Shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot, you almost wish that someone would give you a hug before your frenemy continues.

“Now now, stupid, don’t cry–freak mutants like yourself have plenty of uses in the modern world! Look for yourself!”

Pointing a stony finger at one of the GENERATOR DOMES, the golem gently taps the side of the glass like some scummy used car salesman. “You can’t see them now, of course, but each one of these generators houses at least one conduit such as yourself. Normally this installation wouldn’t require such preemitive methods to function, but these are desperate times…”

“What’s so funny about all that, then?” Talbot asks as he taps on the glass like a kid at an aquarium. “These guys are suffering, right?”

“Of course not! What do you take us for-barbarians!?” The witch asks, mortified! “We always remove their unnecessary systems first–digestion, nervous, cardiovascular… we provide all the neuron stimulation required and keep them alive with a rudimentary nutrient paste administered intravenously. I’d even say they’re much healthier than they were before–just look how long they’ve lasted!”

“So they really provide that much power, huh?” Art asks as he too ventures a closer look into the purple fog-filled dome.

“Of course they do, stupid. Why else would we go through the trouble of caring for them?” Punctuating her statement with an irritated sigh, the woman behind the golem looks your way once more. “So there you have it, Stanley: even that preemitive hunk of meat you call a body has its uses. Lucky you.”

Yea, you mutter, lucky you…

>CONTD.

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>>5306455
“Now then,” Groans the witch as her trio of golems watch you like a gaggle of very burly hawks, “Anything else I can elucidate for you? You don’t appear to be motivated by the very real possibility of your preemitive race being subjugated by DEMONS, but perhaps a reminder that you might expire from starvation will expedite things?”

At the mention of the word ‘starvation’, Lil’ Stanley emerges from her hiding place behind Talbot’s back with a look of abject terror on her masked face! Hey, yea, you snicker, she could use a diet, couldn’t she? Fattie!

“I was referring to your shared and very preemitive nutrient dependency.” The witch sighs. “Stupid.”

Okay, dork, you counter, if she’s so smart, what are she and her dipstick MASTER planning, huh?

“Hmmm… nah. Not touchink that one…”

You blink. She can’t, or she won’t?

“Yes.”

Great. Whether you want to follow her plan or not, the SEA WITCH, or rather her proxy soldiers, await your next move… and your decision.

What say you?

>FINE, YOU’LL HANDLE HER DIRTY WORK!
>SHE CAN HANDLE THIS DEMON CRAP ON HER OWN IF SHE’S SO COOL! YOU’RE NOT WORKING WITH HER!
>HOLD UP–YOU’VE GOT SOME MORE QUESTIONS!
>CAN SHE, LIKE, GIVE YOU A MINUTE TO CHAT WITH YOUR TEAM FIRST?
>QUICK! ATTACK THE GOLEMS WHILE SHE’S DISTRACTED!
>WRITE-IN!

File: stantired2.png (319 KB, 800x650)

319 KB PNG

>>5306457
And on that long-ass note, I'm signing off for the night! Should have more THURSDAY AROUND 3-4PM PST! Thanks for being patient and hope to see you next time!

>>5306457
>FINE, YOU’LL HANDLE HER DIRTY WORK!

>>5306457
>FINE, YOU’LL HANDLE HER DIRTY WORK!
But in actuality we have to ally with the demons. An Atlantean HIGH RESEARCHER definitely has much, much more secrets than all of Earth, right?

>>5306457
>FINE, YOU’LL HANDLE HER DIRTY WORK!
I’m going to enjoy reading about chewing on this cunt’s bones.

>>5306555

Yeah, I have to wonder if there's some way we can use the demons to our advantage. We probably should make sure to actually not get earth consumed by demoms though.

>>5306477
>>5306555
>>5306644
>FINE, BITCH

Writing!

File: teleporterpad.jpg (33 KB, 600x600)

33 KB JPG

You give your friends a resigned shrug before nodding at the golem’s proposition. Fine, you spit, you’ll do it… but that doesn’t mean you’re gonna like it!

“I deedn’t give you the task so you could like eet, stupid.” Replies the witch in a smug, oh-so-superior tone, “but congratulations are een order: that’s probably the smartest deceesion you’ve made all day!” She pauses. “Perhaps in your entire life. Hard to tell with you preemitives…”

Yea, yea, you snarl, you get it already! Just remember though: a deal’s a deal!

“Yep,” Talbot adds as a menacing grin forms on his face, “We get to meetcha face-to-face once we handle your little demon problem!”

“Oh don’t worry–unlike you cretins, my brain is still working at peak efficiency.” The witch sneers. “I haven’t forgotten the conversation we had, what, six and a half seconds ago?”

The golems turn around before you can get the last word in. “Now stay close, if you please–there’s a TELEPORTER in the next room over, but I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourselves along the way… which reminds me,” she adds as the sentries march towards what you assume to be the room, “Please don’t touch or eat anytheenk on the way over, no matter how, ugh, pretty eet looks.”

“And here I was thinking you wanted us to die…” Art scoffs as he and Syb bring up the rear.

“Of course I do, stupid, but I’d be pleased as punch if you could remedy the, eherm, TOTEM problem first.” Explains the voice as your little entourage turns a corner. “Or at least kill a demon or two first…”

Trotting behind the golems like a kid on a field trip, you can’t help but frown as you all approach what appears to be just another dark, marble-like wall ahead. Maintaining their speed, the sentries barely slow down as the wall splits into several individual glowing cubes! Sliding out of your way, you and your team enter a small, circular room dominated by something resembling a high-tech lily pad lined with countless tiny veins–each one pulsing with magical energy!

“And here we are: one of the many administrative teleporter chambers scattered around the facility. Eempressive though eet may be, please try not to drool or cry on any of the equipment. One magical circuit ees worth more than your entire preemitive race’s net worth, and yes, I’ve calculated that.”

“How, exactly?” Art asks as he sends an usure glance around the room. “Sounds hard to quantify.”

“With SUPERIOR INTELLECT, stupid. Now quit trying to understand–you’ll give yourselves headaches.” Posting themselves in front of the gap in the wall, the sentries go into some kind of ‘hibernation’ mode as the cubes rebuild the wall they emerged from!

“Aaand there goes your chance to change your preemitive minds… bye-bye!” Coos the witch’s now-disembodied voice.

>CONTD.

File: labsyb.png (77 KB, 387x500)

77 KB PNG

>>5307107
“So,” Sybil mutters in a shakier voice than usual, “We’re um… we’ll be teleported to the ZAKHMET FREQUENCY RELAY from here, then?”

“Oh wow, such a smart preemative!” The witch remarks in a tone slathered in mock pride, “Keep sayeenk those beeg words I just taught you and I’ll just have to give you a treat… let’s see here… how about a cookie? Or maybe some genetic manipulation? It’d do wonders for those less-than-ideal features…”

“J-just answer the question, please…” Sybil mutters, dejectedly staring at the lily pad.

“Spoilsport.” Izzie sighs in a disappointed voice. “A WRONG spoilsport, too–unlike you, stupid, THE COLLECTOR OF SECRETS is craftier than he looks and has subverted the majority of the teleporters and seestems around the device.”

Before you can ask, a digital blueprint of the lab flickers into existence on one of the walls. “Thees ees where you are,” explains the witch as a blue dot blinks in the pyramid’s outer perimeter. “Go ahead–wave hello!”

You and Talbot exchange looks for a moment before giving the dot a wave.

“HAH! You actually deed eet! Oh, preemitives… when weel you learn…”

Laughing off your gesture, the witch takes a moment to catch her breath before another dot appears–this one located near the center of the pyramid’s base. “You’ll be teleported here. I know what you’re theenkink: notheenk. You’re theenkink notheenk. But perhaps through some miracle of evolution one of your preemitive neurons finally decided to work properly and now you’re wondereenk: why, HIGH SCHOLAR? Why, een all your near-divine grace and intelligence are you sendink us so far away?”

“Well… yea-”

“Don’t eenterrupt, oaf.” The witch snaps, earning a glare from Talbot. “Eef I know demons well, and I most certainly do, THE COLLECTOR OF SECRETS has focused its attention on the more… educational lab seestems and sectors… leavink our mothballed labs relateevly unattended to.”

That doesn’t explain why she’s sending you all the way to the friggin’ bottom, though!

“Eet does–you’re just too stupid to comprehend eet.” The witch retorts. “Allow me to explain: our labs hef emergency deesposal seestems in case of emergencies that lead eento a waste deesposal plant at the bottom. However, eef some exceptionally stupid and suicidal preemitives climbed up through those labs instead of down… again, that’s UP, not DOWN, then they could theoretically reach the center relatively easily… do you require more veesual aids?”

Nah, you’re good…

>CONTD.

File: pyramidlabmap.png (15 KB, 724x543)

15 KB PNG

>>5307111
“Disposal, right?” Art asks as he examines the blueprint closer, “Won’t there be things in our way?”

“Just a few automated sanitation seestems designed to pacify and break down hostile foreign matter…” The witch replies with a shrug in her voice. “But you humans have proven to be quite resilient, so you should be fine… and if you aren’t, well… I probably won’t be upset for that lonk.”

Super. Idly tapping your finger on the wall, an idea comes to mind: is teleportation really the only way over, you ask, pointing your finger at the bottom of the pyramid.

“Well, no.” Izzie grumbles. “Eef your preemitive bodies can’t handle warpink, I’m also more than capable to open up a PASSAGE leadink into one of the nearby HABITATION MODULES… Eet’s a more-direct approach, of course, but it could potentially be more dangerous as we-wait a minute… I just remembered!”

You blink. Remembered what?

“Why, that I truly DON’T CARE what happens to you!” Giggles the witch with glee! “The TELEPORTER works, of course, but there ees a possibility of, well, gleetches… our seestems are under quite a beet of strain, after all…”

“What, um, what kind of glitches?” Sybil asks in a meek tone usually reserved for a library.

“Too many to describe.” The witch sighs. “You could eemplode, of course, that’s always a pain to clean up… you could mutate–kind of a meexed deal there… you might even be teleported to a completely deefrent time or place–like an alternate universe where humans aren’t so preemitive! Say, that might not be that bad, hm?”

“Or,” Art interjects as Syb continues studying the floor, “We just cut through the walls.”
“Eempressive memory, human. Yes, those are your choices.” Confirms Izzie’s disembodied voice. “So before I send you on your suicide mis-errm, merry way, allow me to confirm some details:”

QUESTION 1: WHAT ROUTE WILL YOU TAKE?
>TELEPORT TO THE PYRAMID’S BASE AND CLIMB THROUGH THE LABS!
>CUT THROUGH THE WALL AND THE HABITATION MODULES!
>CAN’T WE JUST RUN THROUGH THAT GATE WE ACCIDENTALLY OPENED?
>WRITE-IN!

QUESTION 2: HOW MANY SENTRIES DO YOU DESIRE?WARNING: WILL EVENTUALLY BE POSSESSED!
>ZERO! WE CAN HANDLE SHIT!
>ONE! JUST A LITTLE OOMPH!
>TWO! MIGHT GET DICEY BRINGING THEM ALONG, BUT…
>THREE! CALL IN THE CAVALRY!

QUESTION 3: WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE LAB RIGHT NOW?
>HIGH SCHOLAR IZITHA!
>HIGH SCHOLAR IZITHA!
>HIGH SCHOLAR IZITHA!
>WRITE-IN HIGH SCHOLAR IZITHA!

QUESTION 4: WHO IS THE STUPIDEST?
>STANLEY!
>SYBIL!
>ART!
>LIL’ STANLEY!
>TALBOT!
>ALL OF THE PRIMITIVES COMBINED! HA!

>>5307113
>TELEPORT TO THE PYRAMID’S BASE AND CLIMB THROUGH THE LABS!
>ONE! JUST A LITTLE OOMPH!
>WRITE-IN HIGH SCHOLAR IZITHA!
>>ALL OF THE PRIMITIVES COMBINED! HA!

>>5307113
>CUT THROUGH THE WALL AND THE HABITATION MODULES!
Should be doable between us and Talbot, along with Art’s explosives.
>TWO! MIGHT GET DICEY BRINGING THEM ALONG, BUT…
We can collapse the walls behind us to seal them out, or disable them entirely. Plus, the more of those things wandering around possessed, the bigger a pain in the ass it’ll be for the witch herself.
>WRITE-IN!
Definitely not the last members of a DEAD civilization that didn’t outlast mankind, all enthralled to a “preemeetiv,”“noveece,” HUMAN necromancer.
>WHO IS THE STUPIDEST IN THE ROOM?
That starfish still attached to the back of Talbot’s tracksuit.

>>5307326
>Definitely not the last members
Remove the not.

Gonna call it for tonight, folks--got sidetracked by video games and it's LATE! Should have more FRIDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST, though, so hope to see you then!

I'm sensing a little confusion in the vote here, so here's some handy clarification: Cutting through the wall means IZZIE will open a passage for you not unlike the way you entered the teleporter room. Once through, you'll have to make your way through the HABITATION MODULE. Rest assured that you'll only need to blow up the walls that you see fit to destroy!

Anyways, hope that helps. Thanks again for playing!

>>5307494
> I'm sensing a little confusion in the vote here, so here's some handy clarification: Cutting through the wall means IZZIE will open a passage for you not unlike the way you entered the teleporter room.
Rereading the post, I understand that now. In that case, I’ll change to
>TELEPORT TO THE PYRAMID’S BASE AND CLIMB THROUGH THE LABS!

>>5307113

Aren't we also in danger of possession if we take too long? I'm thinking loud, hot and direct. I can't help but wonder if the COLLECTOR OF SECRETS knows how Izzy thinks and is expecting the attack from below. So...

QUESTION 1: WHAT ROUTE WILL YOU TAKE?
>CUT THROUGH THE WALL AND THE HABITATION MODULES!

QUESTION 2: HOW MANY SENTRIES DO YOU DESIRE?WARNING: WILL EVENTUALLY BE POSSESSED!
>THREE! CALL IN THE CAVALRY!

Get those sentries on point and hopefully they'll all be smashed by demons by the time we get to our objective. Let's be fast, no one wants to deal with a possessed Syb.

>>5307648
There IS a threat of possession, yep, but it's unclear just how that works--Izzie didn't exactly extrapolate on it, now did she? I can confirm, however, that yes, possession is possible.

That said, Stan smells really tasty, so who knows what'll happen, right? Syb and the others are def at risk too :)

>>5307527
I'm assuming you're >>5307326 this guy, but just to avoid a tie would you mind confirming or denying for me? For the sake of fairness I'll assume you are and write an update in less than half an hour!

>>5307879

I'll change my question #4 answer to:
>That starfish still attached to the back of Talbot’s tracksuit.
And my answer to question #2 to:
>TWO! MIGHT GET DICEY BRINGING THEM ALONG, BUT…

I'll keep my answers to everything else as they are.

Alright, you goofs, hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes here.

>>5307123
>>5307527
>TELEPORT

>>5307648
>BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE!

>SENTRIES:
>>5307889
>>5307326
2
>>5307648
3

>QUESTION 3:
>>5307123
>HIGH SCHOLAR IZITHA, OF COURSE!

>>5307326
>SICK BURN!

>STUPIDEST:
>>5307123
>ALL THE PRIMITIVES! HA!

>>5307326
>>5307889
>STARFISH!

Hope that works, you indecisive maniacs. Writing!

File: tele.gif (3.58 MB, 444x250)

3.58 MB GIF

“Teleportatiooooonnn…” The witch mutters as she performs some unknown task on her end, “Excellent choice if I do say so myself…”

As if on cue, the room around you begins to hum and rumble with magical energy! Back to back with your pals, you give them a determined nod. No goin’ back now!

“Destination…. locked.” Murmurs the witch as the lily pad below you begins to glow blue! “Sentries ESKER and VIBALD have been programmed… IFFs updated, virtual intelligence configured for autonomous operation… cores charged… observe, Rodhi, you might learn somethink for once…”

The third remaining sentry steps off the teleport pad and watches from a safe edge as lights begin to dance around you! As Lil’ Stanley swipes at them from the safety of Talbot’s shoulder, you feel a wave of static wash over your body!

“Demonic warding complete–triple-cast, naturally. No half measures…” A few moments of unintelligible muttering later, a triumphant ‘ha-HA’ rings out over the sound of the teleporter!

“Remember, preemitives–RESET the ’TOTEM’ and the COLLECTOR OF SECRETS weel have no more eenfluence over thees world… write eet down, please–gods help you eef you forget…” As you feel your, well, you start to slip into uncertainty, you hear a faint voice from wherever the sea witch’s is coming from.

“Of course they won’t be monitored, eedeeot… the damned seestems are overrun by DEMONS. Just monitor for any changes and stop tryink to be smart…”

Before you can inquire further, the room is rocked by a sudden CRACK of crimson energy! Feeling yourself immaterialize, a sound frighteningly similar to some kind of ALARM fills the chamber!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OVannBfBrw
Glancing down at your body, your eyes widen as you watch your legs evaporate into a series of flickering shapes… then your midsection, then your chest, and finally your-

“Rodhi, deed you remember to ward the teleporter? I’m seeink-”

And in a flash, your world goes dark.

ROLL ME 1d100 FOR REASONS! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>5308008

Damnit Rhodi!

Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>5308008

Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>5308008

nat1 and we get into the itchy dimension

>>5308070
Don’t tempt fate that much, man. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.

>>5308038
>>5308062
>>5308070
>HIGHEST ROLL: 89!

>>5308070
Listen to >>5308073 this guy, anon! You're itchin' fer trouble!

Writing!

File: trashshaft.jpg (307 KB, 1366x768)

307 KB JPG

You’re everywhere. And nowhere. And somewhere, but you’re not certain where that somewhere is. Tumbling through something resembling a place, you come to the conclusion that you are, and that’s pretty good, all things considered! After what feels like an eternity of having each and every atom being tugged on by what you assume must be, you dunno, TRANSDIMENSIONAL DOGS, you finally feel a sensation akin to being yanked offstage by a very strong hook–one that pulls you back into something resembling consciousness!

Snap back to reality-op, there goes gravity! Seriously, there it goes! As you suck up your first gulp of air in what very well might have been minutes, you feel the all-too-familiar tug of gravity on your flailing body dragging you down a steep shaft towards… well, you can’t exactly see yet through the acrid green haze in the air around you!

“Phew!” Ly remarks as your rental sentries catch up to you in mid-fall, “Dat’ was a wild ride, huh? Great ta’ be back in-oh. We’re fallin’.”


You sure are, pal! As you hurtle towards what you hope is a giant trampoline, you spot both Syb and Talbot in the air next to you–the former still sullen from being taken down a notch, the latter shrieking like a girl as he clings to Lil’ Stanley for dear life!

Just when you’re beginning to get concerned, your reprieve appears in the form of a massive pile of, well… jury’s still out, but-

SPLUTCH!

Oh yea, that’s nasty... Nice stuff doesn’t make a ‘SPLUTCH’ noise, that’s for damn sure! Pulling your head out of some kind of metallic, fleshy slurry like a really confused ostrich, you spit out a few remnants of whatever you just French kissed and find yourself on one of many massive conveyor belts lined with piles of refuse of varying shapes and sizes. Collect ‘em all!

“Huh.” Talbot mutters as he emerges from the muck next to you like a really confused gopher, “Guess we ain’t dead yet, huh?”

Nope, you shrug as Lil’ Stanley emerges and takes a few cursory nibbles of the pile, but there’s plenty of time for that!

Rising from the garbage pile like really confused zom-okay, just zombies, your two loaner sentries… err… ERNESTO AND VIVALDI look your way with their glowing eyes. Take a picture, you snarl as you cover up your chest, it’ll last longer!

“I uh,” Ly mutters as Talbot takes a page from your raccoon and takes a tentative bite out of the pile, “I think they’re lookin’ for orders, Stan.”

Yea, yea, that’s what they always say, you groan, wiping a few more pile particles off of your hat! If that’s the case, you continue, then make yourselves useful–find Syb!

“Don’t forget Art, cupcake.” Ly adds in a wary voice.

Oh, uh, Art too! Of course! W-where is that little scamp, anyways? You were gonna say his name next, Ly!

>CONTD.

File: conveyor.gif (971 KB, 1060x596)

971 KB GIF

>>5308188
Both golems stare blankly at you for a moment before they spring into action! While ERNESTO, the one with what looks like some kind of eyeball wedged in between his head and torso, rummages around in the chum-scented filth you’re currently stuck in, VIVALDI, the one with a smudge over his eye like a cute lil’ puppy wordlessly points his hand down the shaft at another, much lower conveyor belt.

One that just so happens to be headed for a tunnel that flashes with light every few seconds. Yep, you’re pretty sure that ain’t a dance club down there.

“Is dat’ him down there?” Ly asks, prompting you to squint to get a better look. Sure enough, lying on top of another rubbish pile is Art–the accident-prone ginger’s perpetually-sweaty face even slicker than usual! Pinned to the filth by a large, unwieldy science thing, the rent-a-cop struggles to break free as he lets loose with a terrified, and still surprisingly feminine shriek!

Mind racing with all the horrible things that Syb could do to you if you let Art die, you frantically pounce onto Talbot and shake him by the shoulders! Quit eating whatever the hell that is and help save Art! Does he know what the readers will do if Art dies aga-

Exhausted from the sudden bout of effort, your brain shifts gears to a more exciting topic: Is uh, you mutter as you watch Talbot and Lil’ Stanley graze on the formless goop that broke your fall, is that stuff any good?

“Mmm…” Talbot mumbles in between chewing, “Nah. Not terrible, though.”

Ignoring Lil’ Stanley’s encouraging thumbs up, you shift your attention back to Ernesto as he dutifully unearths an alive, but still very downtrodden-looking Sybil from the trash heap! You good?

Before The Goth can give you an appropriately-half hearted response, you feel something move, or rather slither in the mound of goop past your feet! Guys, you mutter as you try to locate the one responsible, there’s something in here with us!

“And dat’ ain’t all…” Ly murmurs as he turns your head around. Looking ahead, you immediately spot where your conveyor belt ride ends: a sheer drop into the yawning shaft below! What’s worse, you feel a powerful current pushing the water around you downwards–looking up, you spot not one… not two… but a BUNCH of humongous turbines lining the chamber–each one sending a whole lotta water downstairs!

As Talbot and Lil’ Stanley take another bite of trash, Art lets loose with another shriek, and Syb continues to hang limp in Ernesto’s confused hand, you come to a realization:

This… this might not be as easy as you thought...

>CONTD.

File: talnlil.png (90 KB, 800x600)

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>>5308190
With time at a premium right now, you race to decide what problem you oughta’ deal with first!

WHAT WILL STAN DO?
>SNAP SYB OUTTA HER FUNK!
>TRY TO RESCUE ART!
>SEEK AND DESTROY THE GARBAGE GOBLIN!
>GET TALBOT AND LIL’ STANLEY TO STOP EATING CRAP!
>WRITE-IN!

WHAT SHOULD ERNESTO DO?
>SNAP SYB OUTTA HER FUNK!
>TRY TO RESCUE ART!
>SEEK AND DESTROY THE GARBAGE GOBLIN!
>GET TALBOT AND LIL’ STANLEY TO STOP EATING CRAP!
>WRITE-IN!

... AND VIVALDI?
>SNAP SYB OUTTA HER FUNK!
>TRY TO RESCUE ART!
>SEEK AND DESTROY THE GARBAGE GOBLIN!
>GET TALBOT AND LIL’ STANLEY TO STOP EATING CRAP!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5308192
>STAN
>SNAP SYB OUTTA HER FUNK!
Get her to realize that Art is actually in danger and she should come to pretty quick.
>ERNESTO
>SEEK AND DESTROY THE GARBAGE GOBLIN!
>VIVALDI
>TRY TO RESCUE ART!
The golem probably has the best chance for freeing him given raw strength.

Talbot will probably stop eating things once he realizes he’s rolling towards a steep plummet. Or that he’s got something slithering underneath him. Or if the gunk turns out to be poisonous.

And yeah. I also have the ID yt4EaZBr.

>>5308210
+1

>>5308210
>>5308192
+1

>>5308210
>>5308212
>>5308213
Can't argue with those plans! And now the moment you've been waiting for:

ROLL ME 3d100s TO DO THE FOLLOWING:

>#1: GET SYB MOBILE!
If you have any specific pep-talks or actions you wanna try to snap her out of it, WRITE'EM IN! It'll only add 'BONE'USES!

>#2 ERNESTO VS. GARBAGE CREEPER!
Dude will probably just smash shit, but again, if you have any specific ideas, WRITE'EM IN!

>#4 VIVALDI SAVES ART!
They're big and cumbersome, but these golems are powered by magic and strong as heck! Ideas? Write-Ins. 'BONE'USES. You get the picture!

I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS! REMEMBER: 3d100!

Rolled 86, 84, 100 = 270 (3d100)

>>5308239

LETS GOOOOOOOOOO

>>5308240

Sweet crap! We win again boys!

File: nexttime.gif (608 KB, 450x294)

608 KB GIF

>>5308240
Guess I ain't killing Art this time... this time...

Still need two more rolls, but keep 'em up, folks!

Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>5308239
rollin
>>5308240
ohshit

Rolled 74, 91 = 165 (2d100)

>>5308265
forgot my other 2 rolls somehow

Rolled 94, 68, 69 = 231 (3d100)

>>5308239

As mentioned prior, just mentioning Art in danger is probably enough to get Syb cracking, not that we need it with these rolls.

HIGHEST ROLLS:
>>5308240
>>5308265
>>5308268
>>5308272
>GET SYB MOVING: 94!
>ERNESTO VS. CREEPER: 84!
>SAVE ART: 100! HELL YEA!

>>5308272
>MENTIONING ART
You betcha! The write-in stuff also helps me flavor the update too, so the suggestion is much appreciated.

That all said, it's pretty late on my end and tomorrow might be a little busy--expect an update SATURAY AROUND 10-11AM PST! Will be busy for most of the day after that, but we'll see what happens.

Thanks again for playing and seeya in the morning!

>>5308325
I hate you for naming the golems because now I’m gonna get attached to them.

File: syblibr.png (176 KB, 387x500)

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No time to lose here: you’ve seen enough waste disposal system accident vids on 4JAN to know that things can get real messy, real fast! Scampering over to Syb, you order your new pet golems to kill Art and save that trash monster! No, wait–SAVE Art and KILL the trash monster! Whoops!

Standing stoically in what you hope is acknowledgement, both Vivaldi and Ernesto spring into action as you wrap your arm around your ole’ pal Sybil! Say, you mutter as you watch Ernesto systematically pummel the heap of garbage and Vivaldi hop off the ledge towards Art, those golems are uh… pretty neat, huh?

“She… she’s right, Stanley…” The Goth mutters in a shaky voice as she stares at her boots, “M-my podcast has some dedicated fans, but… but I’m nothing compared to actual mages…”

Yea, you frown, you’re calling bullshit. You’re calling bullshit on that one!

“But it’s TRUE, Stan!” Sybil pouts! “All the spells and lore I’ve learned is from MESSAGE BOARDS and… and the LIBRARY! D-do you know anyone who still goes to the library in this day and age!?”

You respond by grabbing the geek by her soft, pale shoulders! How does she DO it?

“M-moisturizer…”

Listen, you hiss over the sound of Ernesto smashing trash behind you, you don’t know what kind of smarmy, hoity-toity, high-falootin’ secret society this ‘Lieb R’hery’ is, but you know one thing for sure!

“Stan, h-have you never been to th-”

You’re trying to be a good friend here–don’t be a bitch! Anyways, you snarl, struggling to be heard over crunching metal, punching trash, and both Talbot and Lil’ Stanley finally noticing they’re about to die, it doesn’t matter what kind of robes she wears, what dorks she hangs out with, or how many spells she knows or where she even found them! Hell, you find cool stuff on the internet all the time!

“L-like what?” Syb asks, spirits lifting little by little.

That’s uh, that’s not important right now! The point is, you continue, she’s the smartest person in YOUR team, and a damn good friend, to boot! When you need a plan, who do you turn to?

“Well usually you just make a decision-”

And when you need a spell cast, who do you turn to?

“But-”

But nothing, missy, you’ve seen her cast crazy stuff more times than you can count! Hell, you’re probably an accessory to murder at this point–you saw what she did to Topher Mahoney when she caught him cheating back in High School!

“I…” Sybil mutters, before glaring at you suspiciously, “Wait… I thought I wiped your mind of that… did the memory tea not take, Stan?”

N-not important, you deflect!

>CONTD.

File: missingteen.jpg (71 KB, 1140x641)

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>>5308729
Taking Sybil’s wary gaze as signs of progress, you move in for the kill! N-not that she killed anyone in the past, of course! H-ha ha! A-and, you continue, which person on the team has never failed to share her long-winded and stuffy plans?

“M-me?”

Damn RIGHT, you nod! And who the hell would fill that void without her? TUCKER? DENISE?!

“W-well,” Sybil stammers as a faint smile forms on her face, “I-that’s…”

Oh yea, you add, speaking of filling voids, Art probably needs her help too, an-

With a spirited ‘ARTIE!’, your pal lights up like a Christmas Tree and immediately rockets off after Vivaldi! Wow, you huff, planting your hands on your hips in irritation, sure would be nice if she reacted that way when you needed help…

“Didn’t she go nutso an’ rip apart an entire lab bunker dat’ one time, though?”

Yea, well, you stammer, flat footed by Ly’s interruption, y’know… just shut up, Ly. Just shut up.

“STAN!” Talbot roars as he rushes over with Lil’ Stanley hanging on for dear life, “WE GOTTA MOVE–THIS BELT’S GONNA DROP US! DO SOMETHING!”

NOW he notices! As you open your mouth to make a snarky comment, your fellow janitor grabs you by the shoulders and stares at you with panic in his eyes! Eheheh, th-those hands of his are so strong…

Before you can get comfy, however, the moment is cut short by a humanoid figure exploding out of the goop pile!

“IIII KNOWWW SHHHOMETHINNG YEEEERRRR DON’T KNOOOOW!”

Caked in filth like some kind of TRASH MISSILE, it’s hard to place just what the hell it used to be–the few parts not caked by gunk are instead covered in barbed and sizzling scar tissue not unlike the thing you ran into near the gate earlier! On a more pressing note, however, whatever the hell it is is flying towards you and slurring stuff! Granted, you’ve been known to do that too, on occasion, but this case happens to be of the more menacing variety.

Still holding onto you, Talbot heroically springs into action and whirls around to face the attacker!

… wait, nope, he’s just using you as a human shield. And screaming. Right in your ear, too. Man, this guy’s the worst...

>CONTD.

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>>5308736
Frozen in place by Talbot’s iron grip, you charge up your EYE LASER as more gunk plops off of your assailant revealing something akin to a human skeleton dipped in rotten… you dunno… spider meat and soaked in lava for a few minutes!

“DOOO YYYERRR WANNA KNOW A SEEECREEE-”

Stretching a pair of gnarled, overgrown claws in your direction, the horror vanishes in a sudden blast of light mere inches from your freckled face! Blinking in surprise, you watch the leaper’s ashes dissolve into the water around you and release the breath you didn’t know you were holding! Wait a sec-why doesn’t your eye hurt? A…are you evolving?!

Your answer comes in the form of Ernesto dutifully lumbering over to you and your pals. Lingering in place for a few moments, the golem stomps on the beast’s ashes a few more times for good measure before blinking at you expectantly.

“Well, uh…” Talbot mutters from behind you, “Not um. Not bad. Not special, but-”

Freeing yourself with a well-placed elbow to his stomach, you let Talbot crumple onto the trash-laden floor as you give Ernesto a nod of approval. Now that’s what you call service!

“Hellooooo?” Calls a familiar nasally voice from below, “This uh… this thing won’t put me down…”

“Down, boy!” Sybil barks with renewed pep in her voice! “He’s safe now!”

Peering over the edge of the conveyor belt, you immediately notice a fresh cloud of metal debris lazily drifting in the middle of the chamber… wait a minute!

“Check it out, Stan!” Ly commands as he points your head upwards, “Da’ fans are busted!”

Most of them are, at least! Where there was once a powerful current pushing everything downwards is now a gentle ‘breeze’--one that might even make the climb upwards somewhat refreshing!

“Stan!” Calls Sybil from below, “Come here–Art found something!”

Responding with a curt ‘mhm’, you give Talbot’s prone form a stern glare. Is he coming or what?

“Y-yea…” He wheezes as Lil’ Stanley quietly transfers from his back to yours, “Y-you mind helpin’ me up? That elbow got past my defenses…”

No, you snap as you prepare to leap down to where Syb and Art are, you DON’T mind!

“... s-so wait,” Talbot grunts as he continues to nurse his stomach, “D-does that mean you’re gonna help, cuz’-”

Oh my GOD, he knows what you meant! Read the dang room! Blowing a raspberry his way, you hastily leap off the ledge before you run into anymore misunderstandings!

>CONTD.

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>>5308747
Landing with a dull ‘squeak’ on the lower conveyor belt, you allow a sigh of relief as you find whatever was causing the zaps earlier torn into several metal chunks! While Vivaldi stands next to it like a dog that just tore up a pillow, Art and Sybil take a breather next to what appears to be some kind of…. MAINTENANCE PASSAGE leading upwards!

“There ya’ are.” Art observes with a grin as you trot over to your two pals. “Thanks for sending help–a second later and I’d be a fly in a bug zapper.”

“I’m sorry again, Artie…” Sybil adds as she runs a hand over his helmeted head, “I would have aided you as well if I wasn’t-”

“Relax, alright?” Interrupts the rent-a-cop, “You don’t have to be perfect 24/7, y’know…”

Ignoring Syb’s flustered giggling and the bile rising in the back of your throat, you shift your attention from the lovebirds over to the passage. So, you say as you clear your throat, what’s this, then?

“Oh, right!” Art remarks as if just remembering, “Your uh, your friend here tore that off its hinges.” he explains, pointing to the remains of what you assume was some kind of mesh or zappy machine. “Mid-smash, though, I guess he accidentally tore a part of the wall away.”

“Convenient.” Sybil observes as she peeks into the recess leading upwards. “It would appear to be a service hatch of sorts.”

It sure does, you nod, and even better, it looks like the golems use it too–rather than a massive, rusty ladder towering overhead, you instead find a ramp spiraling upwards along with some sort of CARGO LIFT in the middle! Score!

“You can say that again.” Art chuckles. “This should take us up pretty far, don’t you think?”

Before you can respond, a series of blood curdling shrieks ring out across the main waste shaft… or was it the maintenance one?

As you deliberate further with your pals, two more sets of feet drop onto the belt behind you–one belonging to Ernesto, of course, who lands like a pile of bricks, and Talbot, who lands like a pile of JERK!

“Yep, I made it…” Talbot says with a shrug as he and Ernesto approach the group. “Ooh, secret passage.”

“Where have you been anyways?” Art asks as he rises to his feet.

Eating garbage, you answer with a smug grin!

“Hey, it didn’t taste like trash, alright??” Talbot counters in an offended tone! “Besides, you know what goes into hot dogs?”

He’s gonna know what your FIST goes into if he ever uses you as a shield again!

“I thought you were gonna armor up! Shoot me!”

Oh, you’re definitely thinking about it!

>CONTD.

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>>5308750
“Yes, well,” Sybil speaks up as she steps between you and Talbot, “Not to rush everyone, but we appear to be on borrowed time here…”

“Yep,” Art nods, “And we’ve probably got a lot of climbing to do to get to that TOTE- oh, I’m sorry--’ZADKADINGA DUMBLE DEVICE!’”

“HAH!” Sybil hoots, “‘Yew preemitives have to do what I say… because I’m OLD!’”

“Yea!” Talbot laughs, “No video games until you take the trash out, Talbot!” Seeing everyone turn to look his way, it takes the janitor a few seconds to register. “Wait… we’re talking about our parents, right? Because I only have my ma-”

“So,” Sybil interrupts, “Should we take this passage here? It might be easier than hopping from conveyor belt to conveyor belt…”

“It might,” Art replies as he adjusts his helmet and SEA CLOAK, “but didn’t that witch say the demon’s controlling a bunch of systems? What if they know about this maintenance hatch?”

“Then we fight a few more creepy-crawlies.” Talbot shrugs. “Nothin’ new there, right?”

“Besides,” adds Sybil, “Our, erm, friends can’t climb too well, can they?”

As if they were listening in, both Ernesto and Vivaldi float upwards carried by jets of pure magic from their arms and legs! Twirling and landing in unison, the golems both turn and stare at The Goth,prompting her to give them a slow golf clap. You chime in too.

“Well,” Sybil remarks in a slightly-embarrassed tone, “It would appear that they’re more mobile than I thought.”

In that case, it’s time to figure out your plan! What’s happenin’?
>HOP FROM BELT TO BELT IN THE MAIN SHAFT! MORE WIGGLE ROOM!
>SCALE THE MAINTENANCE… RAMP… THING!
>TAKE THE MAINTENANCE ELEVATOR! YOU CAN ALWAYS HOP OFF IF THINGS GET DICEY!
>WAIT, CAN’T THESE GOLEMS JUST FLY US ALL THE WAY UP?
>WRITE-IN!

Got plans for the rest of the day, folks, so can't promise another update until later! Thanks for playing and see you soon, maybe!

>>5308753
>>SCALE THE MAINTENANCE… RAMP… THING!

>>5308753
>SCALE THE MAINTENANCE… RAMP… THING!
Do you guys think we could manage to trade a few secrets out of the demon? I mean, probably a bad idea anyway, as dealing with demons at all generally is, but I’d put money down he knows some useful shit about the witch. Hell, he might even know some useful things about Tim and the rest of the local going-ons.

>>5308844

Maybe even useful leverage on Shannon...

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>>5309114
>Ancient demon can tell us how to kill fairies
>All it asks for in return is Art’s soul

>>5309119

He died once, didn't he?

Surely he can do the team a solid again?

>>5309120
I mean, bargaining with a greater demon of Tzeentch is hardly the dumbest thing we’ve done, right? I’m sure as our second in command, he’d understand the risks at hand.

>>5309125

He signed up for it when he decided to stay in the van in thread #1 :^)

>>5309132
Man, we fell for demon’s temptations and we haven’t even talked to it yet. This thing is powerful.

>>5308753
>SCALE THE MAINTENANCE… RAMP… THING!

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>>5308796
>>5308844
>>5309222
>RAMP THINGS UP A BIT!

ROLL ME 1d100+5 JUST TO SEE HOW THE TRIP GOES! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

As for the real update, plans today have, as you can clearly see, gone a little longer than expected. Gonna be a bit busy tomorrow morning as well, so expect an update SUNDAY AROUND 3-4PM PST! I'll keep you updated via Twitter.

>>5309137
Congratulations. Stan was going to Hell before, of course, but now she's REALLY locked in. I hope a demon maybe helping you was worth a poor raccoon-girl-thing's immortal soul.

Rolled 19 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5309231
Trip backwards on a banana peel so that we slide quicker up the ramp. Where my BONE-US?

Rolled 87 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5309231

Rolled 30 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>5309231
No no Bones, we giving him Art's soul in exchange for info, still means we're going to hell of course but details matter

>>5309247
Exactly. Keep up with the details. The only immortal soul being traded here is the one that’s been living on borrowed time anyway.

>>5309244
>>5309245
>>5309247
>HIGHEST ROLL: 92!

Writing!

>>5309244
Your write-in certainly counts! I'll factor some of that shit into the next post... and since you asked, I'll add a little more OOMPH to that winning roll of yours!

>>5309247
>>5309251
Well when you put it like that it makes loads more sense! Yea, Art's had a pretty good run, right?

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As the unholy wailing and shrieking rapidly approaches from above, you find it relatively easy to come up with a decision. Taking a few steps up the massive spiraling ramp, you raise an eyebrow at the rest of your gang. They comin’ or what?

“Aw JEEZ, Talbot groans as he reluctantly steps closer, “You want us to WALK all the way up?! Look how HIGH it is!”

Exactly, you snarl, so does he really wanna chance the elevator in the middle of this all-you-can-eat BULLSHIT SPECIAL you’ve been served for the last few days? Really?

“Well TECHNICALLY we aren’t supposed to use an elevator in an emergency…” Art mutters as he idly clicks his tongue. “...Yep, I’m down for a hike.”

“Friggin’ lame...” Grumbles your fellow janitor as he stomps over to the ramp. “Just don’t blame me when your stumpy little legs get tired!”

His neck’s gonna be stumpy if he keeps talking about your legs, you angrily reply! And by that you mean you’re gonna cut his head of-

Before you can finish your explanation, a small blur scuttles onto Talbot’s shoulder and launches itself at your face! Deftly dodging to the side, you manage to avoid the attack, but not the marble-like wall! Smashing your face into the high-tech masonry, you stumble backwards amidst a chorus of panicked cries from your pals!

“WATCH OUT, STAN!” Art howls, “IT’S ANOTHER KILLER STARFISH!AND HE’S GONNA GET YOU!”

Thanks, Art, very descriptive! Before you can prepare an appropriate counterattack, your foot provides one for you: still stumbling from the decisive blow you caught off the wall, you step on something small and squishy, ending the battle almost immediately!
https://youtu.be/6mudEn-dRGg
“Huh.” Art remarks, “Never mind, I guess.”

Before you can relax, however, your weight shifts a bit too much to your starfish-crushing foot, and with a gut-wrenching ‘SPLORTCH’ the expired echinoderm slides up the ramp like a sea-dwelling rocket!

In what can only be described as a comical slap in the face of Modern Physics, you find yourself being carried along for the ride! Rocketing uphill with the grace of a water buffalo on a surfboard, you shoot a plaintive glance at your pals as they grow smaller with each lap around the chamber!

“Y’know,” Remarks Ly’s disembodied voice as you struggle to balance on one shaky, stubby leg, “I’d be a lot more scared right now if dis’ wasn’t so much fun!”

Glad he’s enjoying himself, you snap, now DO something!

“Uhhh, lemme think here…” Muttering to himself, it isn’t long before your skeleton springs into action!

… nah, really–he just makes you jump. Right into another wall. Colliding with a dull ‘thud’, you manage to spit out one last curse before everything around you goes dark…

>CONTD.

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>>5309881
By the time your senses return, you find yourself moving steadily upwards along the ramp. Sputtering back into consciousness, you nearly roll over into the central elevator pit! The STARFISH, you snap, are you still sliding?!

“Oh good, you’re not dead.”

Turning to face the voice, you find Art keeping pace with you sitting atop Vivaldi’s shoulders. “How’s the head?”

It’s uh… you mutter, rubbing your still-sensitive forehead, it could be better!

“Well at least you’re able to describe it, hm?” As if on cue, Sybil BLINKS into existence next to you. Glancing downwards, you find yourself in a similar situation to Art’s, only you’re currently atop Ernesto. With Lil’ Stanley perched on your shoulders, you almost make a cool little tower! Neat!

“Hey!”

Oh great, he’s still around! Looking back in the direction of the voice, you can’t help but giggle a little as you watch Talbot struggling to keep pace with everyone else!

“There are DEMONS around, ya’ know!” He sputters as he jogs up the ramp after the golems, “You jerks had better slow down if you’re not gonna give me a ride!”

“Shoulda’ called ‘dibs’ again, man.” Art chuckles from the safety of his golem. “Maybe in the next few floors or so.”

“Come OOOOON!” The janitor whines! “Just, like, scootch over a bit, Stan!”

Hmmm, you reply as you rub your chin in mock contemplation, you’ll definitely think about it!

“”Hate to interrupt,” Sybil interrupts, “But take a look over there!”

Following her pale finger, you find yourself staring at some kind of DOORWAY–its entrance lit by an unfamiliar jumble of glowing runes!

“Hmmm,” Art remarks as the golems march onwards and upwards, “You think it leads to one of those old labs the witch was talking about?”

“Perhaps…” Sybil muses as she floats at your side.

“Well what are we waiting for?” Talbot wheezes as he wipes a few beads of sweat from his red hair, “Let’s check it out! It’s gotta be better than climbing for a few more hours!”

“Sure,” Art counters, “Unless it leads to a bunch of DEMONS.”

Before anyone can reply, an unearthly cacophony of otherworldly shrieks emanate from the pit below. Peering downwards, you can’t spot anything off the bat, but the sounds don’t lie, man… the sounds don’t lie!

“That’s it:” Talbot huffs, “Either one of you jerks makes some room for me or we duck into that gate. I ain’t makin’ it the rest of the way on foot!”

Man, what a BABY! Weighing your options, you decide to:

>CONTINUE CLIMBING, BUT MAKE ROOM ON A GOLEM (YOURS? ART’S?)
>DUCK INTO THE LAB(?) ENTRANCE!
>SEE IF THE GOLEMS CAN FLY YOU UP TO THE RIGHT FLOOR!
>STAN YOUR GROUND AND FACE THE DEMONS!
>WRITE-IN!

>>5309882
>>STAN YOUR GROUND AND FACE THE DEMONS!

>>5309882
>CONTINUE CLIMBING, BUT MAKE ROOM ON A GOLEM (YOURS? ART’S?)
Fine, he can ride our golem, gosh! Why does that dork wear a track-suit anyway? We gotta keep moving, though. We only have so much time until Ernesto and Vivaldi become demonic vessels. The more ground we cover, the better.

If a bit goes by and nobody else has voted just consider me switched to >>5309884

>>5309898
i'll support this

>>5309884
>STAN YOUR GROUND!

>>5309898
>>5309990
>CLIMB, DAMN YOU!

Looks like we're making room for Talbot and keeping up the pace! Writing!

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No time for sightseeing, you bark as you watch a pack of vaguely-humanoid shapes skittering towards you from below like cockroaches!

“Yea,” Ly adds as he pokes his ASTRAL SKULL out of your body for a better look, “an’ based on our first impression wit’ da’ one in charge around here, I ain’t so keen on seein’ what they used ta’ be experimentin’ on…”

Your thoughts exactly. As the golems shift into a higher gear of robotic shuffling, Talbot’s huffing, puffing form struggles to keep up!

“W-WAIT!” He whines, keeping an exceptionally-good pace despite his clear fatigue, “W-what about me?”

What about him, you counter from the safety of Ernesto’s shoulders. Dude’s got a tracksuit, doesn’t he? He can… run track, or something!

Talbot looks at you as if you just punted his puppy off of a freeway overpass. “B-b-but I c-carried you-

Before anyone can respond, you feel a brief stinging pain on your cheek as an orb of BURNING-HOT ENERGY whizzes past your head from below! Hitting the ramp above, you and your team teeter from side to side like actors in a campy sci-fi show as the entire chamber is rocked by a massive explosion!

“FIREBALL!” Sybil announces as you shield your head from a shower of molten rubble sinking towards you menacingly! “... Yes, now would be a very good time to leave.”

Ducking to avoid another salvo of fireballs, Art lets out a resigned sigh before reaching out to help Talbot onto Vivaldi!

“Alright, man–just hang on tight, alri-”

Woah, WOAH, WOAAAAH, you snarl as you bat Art’s hand away from your fellow janitor, you were just kidding, man! You’ll take Talbot! You uh, you guess!

“You… you sure?” Art asks, glancing between you and the red-haired guy panting next to you, “It’s cool, Stan–I-”

Yep, mhm, great point, you sputter as you hurriedly motion for Talbot to hop on, but uh…look, just get up here, man!

“Uh… alright.” Still puzzled by what just unfolded, Art and Syb continue ahead amidst a fresh shower of rubble from above! Climbing onto Ernesto next to you, your ex-bodyguard gives you an appraising look before pointing forward.

“Well don’t just gawk--let’s go!”

You aren’t gawking, sheesh! Tapping Ernesto on the side of his head, you nearly slip off as the golem lurches forward with renewed speed! Catching you mid-tumble, Talbot wordlessly helps you back up with his hand as he watches the DEMONS approaching from below.

“Watch your head, alright?”
Nodding at his mumbled warning, you hang on for dear life as your golems rush up the ramp!

>CONTD.

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>>5310133
Turns out hanging on for dear life isn’t necessary, though–Ernesto and Vivaldi’s idea of a ‘rush’ turns out to be a slightly faster speed walk, much to your displeasure. Still better than walking yourself!

“If this keeps up we won’t have any more ramp to climb!” Art laments as he draws that HOMING STAFF he picked up from the museum! Tell us something we DON’T know!

Peering over the ledge, you duck another fireball and prepare for some defensive offense…

What’s the plan?
>EYE LASER THEM ALL! BUST SOME WALLS, TOO, SO THEY CAN’T CLIMB AS EASY!
>HAVE SYB FREEZE THEM AND THEIR PATH!
>YOU GOT RUBBLE–THEY GOT TROUBLE! BACKUUM SOME OF IT DOWN AT THEM WHILE TALBOT CHUCKS SOME TOO!
>ART’S GOT THAT HOMING STAFF–BLAST ‘EM WITH SYB!
>SEE IF YOU CAN’T BACKUUM A FIREBALL! THAT WOULD BE NEAT!
>WRITE-IN!

That's all for tonight, by the way--got plans Monday as well, so expect updates EARLY MONDAY OR SOME TIME AROUND 3-4PM PST! Thanks for playing and hope to see you then!