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Filled with the energy of a brand new day, you leap out of bed (disturbing your loyal horse Loretta in the process) and stride to the window. You slide the glass open and take a deep breath of the sunny morning air.

Then you spot a certain individual on the street below, and choke on that breath. It’s the deputy vice-sheriff! He’s roaming the town with an eye out for lowdown criminals to wrangle, and as it happens, that includes you. The deputy has the dubious honor of being the first feller to receive one of your patented smackdowns, so your relationship with the man is not exactly friendly.

You shut the window hurriedly and duck back into your room. If the deputy sees that you’re back in town, he might call in the boss sheriff to shake you around, or maybe he’ll just come up here to harass you himself.

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You decide that maybe you can hang out in the hotel lobby until the deputy leaves. You walk over to the door and try to open it, but *thump*! There’s something blocking the door from outside.

It’s always something around here. What a crappy hotel. You think of waiting around until someone comes by to let you out, but then you hear someone talking to the receptionist downstairs.

In a deep, rich, decidedly Italianissimo voice, a heavyset man asks the woman at the counter about the room of a cowboy-like fellow approximating your appearance, accompanied by a horse, possibly wearing a poncho? He’s a friend of this gunslinger, and he intends to come up to the room to bring his buddy a nice, big sandwich. You suspect, based on your recent act of corporate sabotage, that this henchman’s sandwich is of the knuckle-based variety.

The receptionist gives the man your room number, and he starts to clomp up the stairs.

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You find yourself between a rock and the frying pan. In one pickle and out the other. Looks like you’ve got a bird in one bush and a glass house in the fruit flies.

What do?
>Jump out the window and ambush the deputy
>Take your chances with the meathead goon
>Assemble a decoy
>Shoot the walls randomly
>Something else?

(Previous threads: https://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=western%20quest(ern))

>>5227138
>Hide under the bed

>>5227138
>Assemble a decoy
do the old "set-up-the-mirror-across-from-the-door-so-that-when-he-opens-the-door-he-thinks-the-reflection-is-you-but-you-get-the-drop-on-him-in-his-confusion" trick

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>>5227138
>Swap your hat to the one with the mightier rim
>Call up the reception and gun the goon down through the speaker

>>5227235
+1

But if that fails

>>5227148
+1

>>5227148
+1

>>5227148
Classic
+1

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>>5227143
>>5227148
>>5227235
You make a quick call to the hotel desk, and order a heaping tray of bullets. Bang! Your shot ricochets off the wall and knocks off the goon's flat cap, spilling the cup of coffee he's storing underneath.

The goon was distracted by the exceedingly handsome figure he saw behind door 102, so he didn't see where the shot came from. He looks around in enraged confusion and notices the bust polisher strolling away - his walnut-sized brain makes a connection, and jumps on the poor worker.

While the meathead henchman is throttling the cleaning guy, you try to slip out. Unfortunately, Ben Stiller's massive marble mug is still in your way.

What do?
>Pick up some stuff nearby
>Convince the goon to move the bust
>Order grits
>Something else?

>>5229245
>>Something else?
Bust our own nose in half and then say "Wow!"
youtube.com/watch?v=KlLMlJ2tDkg

>>5229245
>Grab and drink the coffee
>Shoot the goon in his now-exposed head and arms
>Convince the rescued bust polisher to help us leave

>>5229320
Another option is
>Shoot the guy
>Then wait in our room until the deputy leaves
>Climb out the window

>>5229245
Drink the coffee, use the caffeine jitters to jackhammer the bust down

>>5229245
>Bury the goon under the bust
You guys never played adventure games?

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Update Sunday due to important things.

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>>5230698
it's okay, king

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>>5229247
>>5229320
>>5229321
>>5229818
>>5230042
You gulp down the pitch black espresso. Wow! This tastes like shit! But damn if it doesn't perk you up.
Rootin’: 3.8 + 0.15 = 3.95
Tootin’: 4.85 + 0.15 = 5
Shootin’: 3.95 + 0.15 = 4.1

You leveled up your Tootin’! You can spend those points on perks, or leave them for skill checks.
>Trash Talk (Cost: 2) – Allows you to annoy enemies into throwing the item in their hand at you.
>Disarming Charm (Cost: 3) – Once per battle, you can flash a smile at the enemy that makes them drop the items in their hands.
>Seduction (Cost: 4) – Once per battle, you can seduce the enemy into dropping their pants.

You leveled up your Shootin’! You can spend those points on perks, or leave them for skill checks.
>Rifle Handling (Cost: 2)
>Low Blow (Cost: 3)
>Curving Bullets (Cost: 5)
Already have:
>Shotgun Handling
>Machine Gun Handling

You use your newfound caffeine jitters to vibrate the bust out of the way, then take a potshot at the goon's face. You manage to shoot off one of his arms as well as his cigarette, but he suddenly turns towards you, angered! You see that the deputy is still outside, so you run down the stairs, the goon in close pursuit.

What do?
>Bribe him
>Rig together an elaborate Rube Goldberg trap
>Offer him a friendly game of baccarat
>Something else?

>>5234426
>Offer him to take out the sheriff together and then drink some booze. Why is he after you, anyway?
Use Tootin' boost if necessary.

>>5234426
Push the spittoon in front of the door thug is coming from so he gets his foot stuck and has to stop.
Shoot the axes on top of the door so when goon walks through they hit his head.
Drink the booze on the card table to chase down the coffee. It's not a breakfast without some alcohol.

>>5234434
>>Offer him to take out the sheriff together and then drink some booze. Why is he after you, anyway?
He's after us because we just blew up his boss's office. Reading comprehension. I'm 90% certain the guy with the glasses is also in cahoots.

>>5234465
Do this, then barricade ourselves in the kitchen, because I'm pretty sure the other two guys in here are going to come after us too.

Also, can anyone read what the sign says? I can make out "We shall never deny a guest even the..." and then it gets too cramped.

>>5235016
"even the ones trying read?"

>>5234426
challenge him to a game of rock paper scissors
>>5235016
even the ones who couldn’t fit “ridiculous request” at the bottom of their references?

>>5235016
>Reading comprehension.
>>Reading comprehension.
>>>Reading comprehension.
Ever heard of "pretending to be stupid" and "making conversation", retard?
>I'm pretty sure the other two guys in here are going to come after us too.
How about you stop making up your own headcannon you fucking idiot? You aren't in monke quest thread.

>>5235450
(you)

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*sniff* Did somebody soil their diaper in this thread?

>>5234426
>Save Shootin' points, purchase Trash Talk
>Rube Goldberg
Let's Mouse Trap this fucker

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>>5235016
You inspect the kitchen. The hotel chef is in here, busy cooking up a fresh order of chili. He seems opposed to letting you barricade yourself in here, on account of the cramped room. You oughta lose some weight.

The sign says, “We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request”.

(1/3)

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>>5234465
>>5235562
You rapidly assemble an improbably elaborate series of traps in order to stall the thug. You wait as the oaf rumbles down the hotel stairs and turns through the door into the lobby.

The second you see the whites of his eyes, you shoot the bottle of booze, which lands on a plank of wood, sending the spittoon skyward into the potted tree. Nutrient-rich sludge spilled from the spittoon causes the tree to grow, attracting a woodpecker, which drills into the side of the tree, creating a pile of sawdust. The window focuses sunlight onto the sawdust, causing the flammable powder to ignite. The fire heats up the surrounding air, causing a slight upward breeze that dislodges a playing card from its delicate perch on the card table. It floats upward, then falls on top of a domino line of stacked cards, causing them all to fall. The cascading cards fly in all directions, and one of them lands in the crack of a barrel. This barrel is already filled to the brim, and the touch of cardboard right in the chink in its armor causes it to catastrophically fail; the barrel ruptures and spills pickles and vinegar everywhere. A puddle of vinegar splatters to the ground. It finds its way into the grooves of the wooden floor, quickly slithering through the grouted tiles and straight to a spilled box of baking soda. Kaboom! The resulting explosion dislodges the axes from the plaque, which drop right onto the goon’s noggin and knock him silly.

(2/3)

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>>5234434
>>5235153
While the musclebound henchman is seeing stars, you wet your whistle with some firewater. Your Tootin’ and Shootin’ improve temporarily.
Tootin’: 5 +1 (alcohol bonus)
Shootin’: 4.1 +1 (alcohol bonus)

You walk up to the stunned bruiser and interrogate him with the help of Mr. Samuel Colt.
Now at your mercy, the big lug decides to spill the beans: he was hired by a skinny, pointy-looking feller to teach a lesson to the man what blew up his factory, or some other such thing.
The goon quirks his head. He says he might be willing to turn the tables on his former employer – with suitable incentive, of course. Always on the grind, this one.

You check your wallet and see that you have $6.39.

What do?
>Nintendo, hire that man!
>Fire that man (with a gun)
>Quagmire that man (?)
>Something else?

(3/3)

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>>5235450
You contemplate monke.

>>5236614
>Nintendo, hire that man!
The adventure awaits

>>5236614
>something else
>"Chef, bring me the Emulsifier"

>>5236614
>Nintendo, hire that man!
I mean, I still want to buy/upgrade clothes, so only if his price is reasonable. Otherwise >Fire that man (with a gun)

>>5236614
>>Quagmire that man (?)
Shake him down

Then pay him with his own stuff to hire him

>>5237509
okay, kek, +1

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>>5237019
You raid the kitchen for a bottle of lecithin, for some reason.

>>5236666
>>5237458
>>5237509
You grab the thug and give him a good jiggle. Then you sneakily grab his wallet and pay him off with his own money. You believe this is what they call "stonks".

Tootin' check for hiring the goon:
Roll 1d20 +5 (Tootin’) +1 (alcohol bonus) +12 (given $12.00) -10 (recently robbed) +4 (at your mercy) -3 (ate without table). At least 17 to pass.
Increase roll by 1 for every $1.00 added to the deal, or by giving the goon items he might want.

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>5238835
>give him [4] booze
it will refill on a long rest
I have no idea how much money we have

>>5238877
Dude
>You check your wallet and see that you have $6.39.

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>5238835
>>5238877
Speaking of, this roll is a 6 and we have a net +9, so I vote to give him $2 to compensate and succeed. Unless I roll higher bc I never know if it's bo1 or not.

>>5238889
last post has nothing about our wallet
>>5238891
bruh just give him booze, money is important

>>5238895
>>5236614
???????

>>5238926
do you know which quest post was last?

Yeah, uhhh...... Lemme get a fuckin'... Uhhhhhhh...............

>>5238999
Do you think our money has vanished in the span of one post because QM didn't repeat the same exact thing immediately after he said it the first time?

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>>5238877
>>5238891
You hand the thug the $12 from his own wallet, plus throw in a bottle o' booze and a dollar from your own coffers.
You now have $5.39.

The goon stumbles to his feet, retrieves his hat and arms, and leaves, thanking you for your patronage. You watch as he jumps on his horse (parked just outside) and ride off in the general direction of the Hippodrome.

You feel more accomplished in the ancient art of bribery.
Tootin': 5 + 0.1 = 5.1

You see that the deputy has left, allowing you to exit the building.

What do?
>Head to the coal mine for the gun shopkeeper's sidequest
>Go shopping somewhere else in town
>Play cards
>Something else?

>>5241157
>>Go shopping somewhere else in town
Let's go to the Haberdashery before tackling the quest. It could be (irl) months before we have downtime again.

>>5241157
eee
>Go shopping somewhere else in town
need a bigger hat still

>>5241157
>Go shopping somewhere else in town
>Something else?
Play hopscotch with a rowdy Injun

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>>5241167
>>5241178
>>5241366
You don't see any Injuns, rowdy or otherwise, so you just draw a hopscotch court in the sand and play by yourself. It's not really as fun in singleplayer.

You enter the haberdashery. The owner nods as you walk in, still glad that you helped him retrieve his stolen shipment of clothes.

You recall that you still have access to the basement. There are currently 4 blueprints; you can craft basic clothing on the cheap using cloth and thread. You can also cut spare clothes back into crafting ingredients.
If you substitute at least one cloth or thread with a special material like steel wool, the resulting clothing may have useful properties.

You check your wallet and see that you have $5.39.

What do?
>Buy stuff
>Leave
>Shoplift

>>5241767
buy the scuba mask, definitely

>>5241767
>Compliment owner's hat feather
>Get Oni mask for $1.80
It reflects energy weapons and we'll be sheriff proof!
>Search basement for materials to craft with

Oni mask, sheriff badge and dork-ass bowtie

We scary sherr-y now

>>5241782
+1'ing compliment and search

>>5241794
>>5241795
These are both me, I just lost internet connection and had to switch, hence the second ID

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>>5241782
You search the haberdasher's basement. There's a few pieces of cloth, but you think their absence would be too obvious. You do, however, find some loose change that won't be missed.
$5.39 + $0.23 = $5.62

You feel a little bad about stealing from the haberdasher, so you give him a compliment. He smiles, so you consider it payment for services rendered.
Tootin': 5.1 + 0.05 = 5.15

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>>5241803
>WQM returns from the dead right when I'm going to sleep
it's not fair, cowbros

>>5241767

Wait, don't we still have that pirate sidequest going on? I don't remember the details but I remember it exists.

>Ask haberdasher about basement pirate hat
>Buy oni mask
>Buy sheriff's badge
>Ask about ways to expand our inventory space-- can we buy/craft a backpack?

>>5241859
+1

>>5241767
>>5241794
+1 and also
>inquire about metal symbol
>ask about the steel wool and cleaning supplies as well
>ask about where to get a belt

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>>5241782
>>5241794
>>5241859
You buy the hannya mask, sheriff badge, and bowtie for $5.30, leaving you with $0.32.

This mask is pretty freaky. You'll receive a +1 Tootin' bonus whenever you need to intimidate anybody, but for most other situations, its rictus grin imparts a -1 spookiness penalty. You may want to take it off if you're trying to convince someone to follow you somewhere.

You can refund your clothing and buy something else as long as you don’t leave the store.

>>5241777
You consider the scuba mask. It'll protect you from gases and allow you to breath underwater. You're pretty sure that's how a snorkel works.

>>5241859
That pirate hat is yours. You got it from a pirate horse after the battle in the impound lot. (See thread 1 of Western Quest(ern), True Believers!)
There’s a janitor shirt in the basement, which is also yours. You can cut either of them, or any of your clothes, into 1 cloth + 1 thread.

You ask about inventory space. There’s no real way around it – your current inventory space is pretty much the most you’re ever going to get.
A backpack would take up your chest inventory slot, and it would contain exactly 1 slot inside of it. Maybe you could find a bigger belt, but the haberdasher hasn’t seen any around; they must be fairly rare.

>>5242436
In combat, metal clothing only takes 1 damage at a time from any one hit, allowing it to defend against attacks that pierce through several layers of clothing. However, it also makes you more vulnerable against adverse temperatures.

The haberdasher has 1 steel wool in stock for $1.00. If you craft a pair of boots, for example, you can substitute a single cloth or thread with steel wool to get two 1 HP boots with the metal property.

The fungicide cides fungi. The floral scent scents florally.
The perchloroethylene can be used to clean stains and dissolve fats, oils, and grease. It’s not especially toxic, but if you expose it to fire, you might make phosgene.
You can use the buckets of lime-colored paint to make yourself a garish fashion victim.

You can tie anything around your waist and it’ll become a belt. A rope, a strip of fabric, an animal hide, whatever. But the vast majority of belts are exactly the same: 3 inventory slots, wide-exposed in combat.

What do?
>Leave
>Stay
>Stand in the doorway
>Something else?

>>5244151
>Grab your currently equipped hat and Pirate hat and use sewing machine to frankenstein them into a big-rimmed cowboy hat with a skull
>Put bowtie in Loretta's hair
And now we're ready to chew ass and bubblegum.

>>5244173
Based, +1

>>5244173
Yeehaw

can QM remind me how lasso mechanics work

>>5244151
https://archived.moe/qst/thread/5174303#5210058
It's been 49 hours and 25 minutes since the last update and we are legally mandated to call you rude names.
Come back, you fucking asshole!

>>5244151
Bitch! I don't mean it pls come back QM

Rapscallion!!

>>5244173
Based king cobra

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>>5246979
>>5246988
>>5247021
(WTF NOOOOO)

>>5244798
A lasso can be spun up using 2 actions and thrown using 1, stunning whatever it hits for 1 turn.

>>5244173
You chop up the pirate hat and sew it onto your stetson, creating a very fashionable black-trimmed hat with its own little skull accessory. Combined with your hannya mask, the overall effect could be charitably described as "Hot Topic dumpster diver".

You slip out of town, avoiding the watchful deputy. You head southeast until you come across a rushing river.

The roaring whitewaters are fairly intense. You could try your luck (and your Rootin') by swimming across, but you'd likely lose some of your items to the current.
A small stone bridge crosses the river. A squat tollbooth blocks the way; you could easily climb over it, but it's just a little too high for Loretta to jump. If you want to get your horse across, you'll have to shell out.
On the other side of the stream is a rancher standing next to a small dinghy. He's accompanied by an eclectic variety of animals and objects - the telltale sign of a fiendish puzzle.

What do?
>Ford
>Caulk
>Ferry
>Something else?

>>5247425
>Compliment Loretta's bow
>Ferry

>>5247425
10 cents is a very low fee (we made more by stealing loose basement change), so paying for the bridge is the obvious choice here, but I think puzzles are fun and I want to do them, so...

>>5247430
+1

>>5247425
this is just that one layton puzzle, we could solve it

>>5247425
>Ferry
Wait, that farmer's mug looks familiar...

>>5247425
Update in a few hours.

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>>5249942
bless u QM

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>>5247430
>>5247433
>>5247437
>>5247674
You yell at the rancher over the din of the crashing waters. From what you can make out, this is his conundrum:

>He wants to get every single animal and object over to the left side, undamaged. You and Loretta want to get over to the right side. If you can make this happen, the rancher will reward you handsomely.
>The dinghy can hold two items, plus a rower (either you or the rancher).
>A single item can cross the bridge for $0.10 each (no human needed, and a human counts as an item). You have $0.32, along with the rancher’s $0.10.
>A little rock in the middle of the river can hold a single item at a time, and counts as a “third” side.

On the right:
>There’s the rancher, who can row.
>There are 4 cabbages.
>There are 3 pigs. If there are more cabbages than pigs on a side, the pigs will eat the cabbages.
>There is a bag of seed.
>There are 3 baby chicks. If there are more chicks than bags of seed on a side, the chicks will eat the whole bag.
>There are 3 bananas.
>There is a snake. If left with the baby chicks, it will eat all of them.
>There is a bear. If there are two humans with it at any time (even if one is in the dinghy), it will feel threatened and maul both of you. Also, whenever the bear is alone on either side, no interactions will occur on the other side. Also also, the bear is too big to balance on the slippery rock island.
>There is a peacock. If left with at least 3 other birds, the others will feel jealous and all will fight to the death.
>There is a can of bitter spray, almost empty. A human can use it 2 times to make something on the same side unable to be eaten or attacked. (Bitter animals can still attack other things.)

On the left:
>There’s you, who can row.
>There’s Loretta, who cannot row. She is deathly scared of the snake and will stomp the fuck out of it. If she’s with at least two baby chicks, she will eat one, and it will be very distressing.
>There is a beehive. If left with the bear, the bear will smash and eat it.
>There are 2 owls. If left with the baby chicks or snake, they will eat them. (Their wings are clipped.)
>There is a potted tree.
>There is a monkey. The monkey will not leave the tree, so together they count as 2 items. If the monkey is left with less than 3 bananas, it will eat them. (You can still send it over the bridge for $0.20.)

(1/2)

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>The animals will only act in the instant after the dinghy departs from a side. You can freely use the bitter spray, send something over the bridge, or move things in and out of the boat without worrying about interactions.
>The only exception is the bear, which will immediately maul you and the rancher if you, him, and it are all on the same side, even if one of you is in the dinghy dropping something off.
>Animals will interact even if a human is present.
>Anything transferred to the dinghy still counts as being on that side until the dinghy actually takes off. >Things on the dinghy won’t interact.
>If you fully use the bitter spray, you can just ignore the empty can; it won’t count as an item anymore.
>Neither you nor the rancher can climb over the tollbooth (he’s too fat and you’re using too much brainpower to exert physical effort). Loretta cannot be ridden (it’s the Sabbath).

Your Insight gives you a hint:
One of your items might be of use.

>>5247430
You tell Loretta that her bow looks very nice. She appreciates the compliment.
Tootin’: 5.15 + 0.05 = 5.2

>>5247674
You ask the rancher if you’ve met him before. He replies to the contrary, although you may have met his brother, who had to give up his farm after something ate his animals.

What do?
>Solve the puzzle
>Just pay the toll and leave
>Look for a hint coin
>Something else?

(2/2)

>>5250359
idon'tknowwhatIexpected.gif
I'm not solving this rn but I do want to clarify
>Does the rancher actually care about the stuff already on the left side? Does he want that undamaged too?

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>>5250376
Yes, all animals and objects present are the rancher's. This is what the river should look like by the end.

He'd prefer to keep the bitter spray, but if you have to use all of it, it can be left on the right side.

>>5250359
>>Your Insight gives you a hint:
>>Tne of your items might be of use.
My only insight being trigger finger:
>Throw alcohol to the bear, wait till it gets smashed
>With bear disabled, shoot the spray bottle, causing it to explode and make everything bitter on the other side
And tell that dude to start paddling, we ain't got all day to solve his logistic nightmare!
If that doesn't work, I don't know what will.

>>5250359
>look for a fucking hint coin because this is so fucking hard with all those interactions

>>5250355
…I’m guessing that these things only happen if the animals are left along with the thing they want to eat.
Step one is definitely bringing the rancher and the bag of seeds over to the left, since if anything else was done the chicks would eat the seeds.
I guess that you would ALSO have to bring over a bird since the peacock would get pissy otherwise.
… That would make the pigs eat the cabbage, a cabbage bag also needs to be brought over.
If seeds and cabbage are brought, the chicks get eaten. If cabbage and the peacock are brought, the seeds get eaten. If the peacock and the seeds are brought, the cabbage is eaten. I think that the real step one might be using the bitter spray, since we (the one with the items) isn’t on the side of the boat.
The purpose of the rock is definitely to bring two rowers through, store one on the rock, and then not get mauled by the bear.

>>5250540
I forgot about being able to spend a dime to cross the bridge lol. Since we need to get rid of a cabbage bag and a seed bag at the same time, that might be step one (sending the rancher and bag over while the cabbage goes through the bridge).

>>5250540
Did you even read the first information? Pigs will devour cabbages if you leave them unattended. The first step definitely involves moving 1 cabbage and something else.

>>5250617
Did you read my post? I said that a cabbage had to be moved, but also that the seeds needed to be moved, and also that the peacock needs to be dealt with, since chicks are birds.

What a cluster

>>5250628
No sorry.

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>>5250414
You don't have the arm strength to chuck anything over the river, so your items have to either be used on your side or sent over the bridge/dinghy.

You consider feeding the bear your bottle of Ooze-O. The fermented sewage will definitely get that bear hella crunk, as well as hella poisoned. Probably not a good idea.

You shoot the can of bitter spray, but it just bounces into the air like any other item. You don't think your guns will be of use here.

>>5250995
Question. Will us drinking the booze and sharing it with the rancher make us invincible for long enough to not get mauled by the bear?
We probably don’t have to do that even if it would work and it sounds too janky to actually be the solution but this is layton

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>>5250517
You deduce that the monkey, tree, and bananas can all be transferred to the left bank if both sides are in a stable state. That is, when the dinghy takes off, no interactions are triggered: pigs can't eat cabbages, chicks can't eat seed, etc.

The river is not currently stable. Once the dinghy sets sail, interactions will occur. But if you ignore all other animals, you can solve the banana problem right now.

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>>5251023
You could drink the Ooze-O for invincibility, but it would make you violently sick. You could also use your Bonk, and both would protect you from the bear. But you suspect that the bear can be transferred over without needing either.

>>5251094
>>5251104
Does the bitter spray affect them the Questions about the bitter spray
Does the bitter spray affect 1 animal or the whole group of 1 species?
Is the bitter spray's effects for the whole puzzle?

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>>5252243
The bitter spray affects only a single animal or item. It lasts for the whole puzzle.

You are pretty thoroughly stumped. You decide to narrow your focus on something solvable.
If you solve this monkey puzzle, you'll receive a few more hints.
>The dinghy can carry 2 bananas or 1 monkey.
>The monkey will eat 1 or 2 bananas on its side, but not all 3.
>Get all 4 things on the left side.
>You do not need the bridge, rock island, or bitter spray.

How do?

>>5253187
I'm uncertain if the monkey can eat the bananas while we're busy unloading/reloading the dinghy. I don't think so, in which case...

>Ferry two bananas to left side
>Unload bananas and grab monkey before it can eat them
>Ferry monkey to right side
>Swap it for the remaining banana
>Ferry single banana to left side
>Go back for the monkey, ferry it to left side

If it can eat them while loading, I'm stumped.

>>5253244
No, yeah, it can't. (Reread the rules.) I think this should work.

>>5250355
>Have rancher ferry bag of seeds and cabbage over
>Send peacock over the bridge

This puts the river in a stable state (I think).

>Solve monkey and bananas puzzle per >>5253244

This puts the river in a stable state again. So let's do the easy one:

>Have rancher ferry 3 pigs and 2 cabbages over

And then I'd probably have to see an updated image to go from there.

>>5253255
Also, I think our penultimate state should be everything on the left except for the bear.

>>5253255
>>5253255
You forgot the snake
>There is a snake. If left with the baby chicks, it will eat all of them.

>>5253244
>If it can eat them while loading, I'm stumped.
It cannot eat them while loading.
>The animals will only act in the instant after the dinghy departs from a side. You can freely use the bitter spray, send something over the bridge, or move things in and out of the boat without worrying about interactions.

>>5253271
I have the feeling that the chicks are a large part of why the damn thing is so hard.
Curse at the chicks for being diabolical bastards who have too many interactions

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>>5253255
You consider this first move:
>Send peacock over bridge ($0.32 left). Put rancher, 1 cabbage, and bag of seeds on boat. Depart to left.
The snake would eat the chicks. Moving away the peacock and one cabbage will correctly lead to a stable state, but you'll also need to protect both the chicks and the seed at the same time.
Remember, you have three important assets at your disposal: the bridge, the rock, and the spray.

>>5253244
You correctly puzzle out the monkey business. The mental effort unlocks a hitherto unintuited intuition:
You may need to use the bridge 5 times.

>>5254700
does the first move require the use of the spray twice

>>5254700
Spray both the snake and the birdseed, then move the snake and cabbage through boat while the peacock crosses the bridge.
The cabbage will put on the rock while the snake goes to the left to do its Gadsden flag impression.

>>5254725
Do this and then do the monkey switcharoo.

>>5254732
And then the rest of the cabbages and pigs can be moved, 1 cabbage and 1 pig at time

>>5254700
>Shoot the water to see if it even has any physics

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>>5254725
>>5254732
>>5254801
You consider the following sequence of moves:
>Use bitter spray on seeds and snake. Send peacock over bridge ($0.32 left). Put rancher, 1 cabbage, and snake on boat. Depart to rock.
>Drop off cabbage on rock. Depart to left.
>Drop off snake on left. Depart to right.
(This leaves the situation in a stable state.)
>Put 2 bananas in boat. Depart to left.
>Drop off 2 bananas on left. Put monkey+tree in boat. Depart to right.
>Drop off monkey+tree on right. Put banana in boat. Depart to left.
>Drop off banana on left. Depart to right.
>Put monkey+tree in boat. Depart to left.
>Drop off monkey+tree on left. Depart to right.
(This leaves the situation in a stable state, with monkey and bananas transferred.)
>Put 1 cabbage and 1 pig in boat. Depart to left.
>Drop off 1 cabbage and 1 pig on left. Depart to right.
>Repeat 2x.
(This leaves the situation in a stable state, with pigs and cabbages transferred.)

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You have $0.32, and no bitter spray left.
Now what?

(You can always go back to a previous step if needed.)

>>5254913
You riddle the water with bullet holes.

:o)

>>5256144
>Tell the farmer to stay here while you and Loretta paddle to the other side.
>Leave.

>>5256201
stfu I’m thinking
….are owls birds in this puzzle, as in a “>implying owls are birds” reference
I keep fucking up and something always eats the chicks. At the very least the bag of seed can be brought to the left. The sooner the bear is alone, the sooner we can finish the puzzle by rowing us and loretta the same time the bear uses the bridge

>>5256144
Transfer the bird seed first.
Then take one chick and the cabbage and transfer them through the barge
Then the other two chicks cross the bridge (-$0.20 from us0)
>Now bear is alone
Now we cross and the bear can cross the bridge (-$0.10 from farmer)

>>5256519
Based, I was going to do a more complicated plan involving the rock but I was rangebanned and this looks good. +1

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Update within 24 hours. You correctly solved the puzzle, by the way.

>>5258006
Woohoo! thanks for putting up with our slowness

>>5258006
Sorry for not solving the puzzle, I'm here for the adventur.

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>>5256519
You now have $0.12.

With your keen puzzle-solving skills, you successfully transfer all of the rancher’s animals to the other side of the river! All at once, you feel a powerful sense of pride in your ability to root out solutions, your sharp-as-a-tack wit, and your aim at the urinal.

Rootin’: 3.95 + 0.4 = 4.35
Tootin’: 5.2 + 0.4 = 5.6
Shootin’: 4.1 + 0.4 = 4.5

You leveled up your Rootin’! You can spend those points on perks, or leave them for skill checks.
>Will to Live (Cost: 3) - When hit by a part-destroying shot, 25% chance to block the hit instead
>Has Bean (Cost: 3) - Once per day segment, acquire a can of beans at any time
>Hat Trick (Cost: 4) - Once per battle, you can equip a hat from your inventory mid-combat
Already have:
>Pickpocket (Cost: 2) - Once per battle, allows you to directly take items from an enemy's inventory instead of shooting them off and picking them from the floor. Only works with exposed items (i.e., not in an undamaged sleeve, hat, etc). Also helps with non-combat thievery.
>Insight (Cost: 2) - Gives you a basic estimation of the enemy's strategy at the start of the fight

The rancher, grateful for your help, gives you a bag of ultra-strength fertilizer. This is some of the most potent stuff on the market – tossing this on even the most shrimpy sprout will immediately turn it into a towering mass of plant matter.
The rancher also gives you a chicken egg. Might be a nice snack for wherever you’re going, although you’ll have to cook it first.

(1/2)

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You arrive at the coal mine.

Steep mounds of tailings are scattered around the area, with puddles of shimmering blackwater oozing from the rocky piles. Nestled in the side of a hill is a small wooden doorframe; this must be the entrance to the mine proper. You try to see inside, but beyond the wooden supports, there seems to be no illumination within the murky catacombs.

A crude building stands nearby – you watch as minecarts enter filled to the brim with coal, and loud metallic clangs ring out, but no product emerges from the ramshackle structure. The windows are obscured by clouds of dark dust, but you can make out humanoid silhouettes moving within.

You recall your mission: the old hag manning the gun store wanted you to come here to warn her brothers of the oncoming Architectium attack, and drive away the invaders if possible.

What do?
>Investigate the building
>Enter the mines
>Steal some coal
>Something else?

(2/2)

>>5259424
I thought we already got Will to Live last thread, OP?

>Swap chicken egg to hat so it's incubated by the heat of our powerful brain
>Swivel scary oni mask around so we don't intimidate the mine hags(?)
>Politely knock on building door
>If somebody answers, see if they look like a buddy of the hag
>If they do, show them the Atomic Punch as a token of gunhagship and tell them about the Architecturum
>Ask if we can do anything else to help

>>5259429
Double checked, and we definitely got it: https://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive/2022/5174303/#p5213498

>>5259429
Yep, we already got that.

>>5259425
>learn that rifle handling perk so that you can use that taser already
>muse a bit on the Leadkeepers and their motives - they seem to be the main suppliers of ore and sound like absolute gun nuts

>>5259424
>Go in guns blazing at everyone with red healthbar above their head.
>>5259452
We can use taser for puzzles and it's not needed for combat. Why throw out the points?

>>5259582
I think stunning one guy to avoid a fight would be a boon

>>5260465
I agree with >>5259582, I don't think it's worth it for one use one time. We decided against rifles in the gun shop.

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>>5259433
You suddenly remember that you have Will to Live. Somebody must've slipped antidepressants in your drink.
>Has Bean (Cost: 3) - Once per day segment, acquire a can of beans at any time
>Hat Trick (Cost: 4) - Once per battle, you can equip a hat from your inventory mid-combat
>Five-Finger Discount (Cost: 4) - Once per shop, you can get a single item worth under $1 for free
Already have:
>Pickpocket - Once per battle, allows you to directly take items from an enemy's inventory instead of shooting them off and picking them from the floor. Only works with exposed items (i.e., not in an undamaged sleeve, hat, etc). Also helps with non-combat thievery.
>Insight - Gives you a basic estimation of the enemy's strategy at the start of the fight
>Will to Live - When hit by a part-destroying shot, 25% chance to block the hit instead

>>5259429
You move the tiny egg on top of your slightly larger egg. Unfortunately, the egg lacks an embryo to incubate.
You turn the mask around, which serves the dual purpose of making yourself look presentable and defending yourself from tigers.

>>5259452
You have no idea who the Leadkeepers are or what they want. In fact, you’ve never heard that name before you saw it on an Architechium map.

>>5259582
You don’t know how to operate the taser, so using it without Rifle Handling, even out of combat, has a high chance of backfiring.
You can recharge it easily with batteries or by transferring charge from other electronic items, such as your force field projector.

(1/3)

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>>5259429
Clouds of pitch-black dust puff from the door as you knock, making you cough. You wait a few seconds as a pair of eyes peers at you suspiciously from a crack in the door, before a series of locks unlocks and a bar slides out of position. Creaaaak…
You come face to face with a huge burly man covered head to toe in thick leather duds. You can’t see his face through the thick goggles, but he looks down at you, and you can tell that he doesn’t like your look one bit.

The man tells you to get outta here before he shoves your head up your ass. His voice is incredibly rough, as if he’s been snorting lines of grit for thirty years. (And given his apparent line of work, he might as well have been doing that.)
Nervously, you tell the musclebound giant to hold on a second – you’ve got a crucial message to relay from the owner of the gun shop in town, and he might want to delay your cranio-gluteal transplant if he wants to keep his job.

You quickly explain the whole situation with the Architechium and their impending assault, and show the man a can of Bonk from the gun shop. He seems to consider your words carefully, and heads back inside to discuss this with his coworkers. After some time, he comes back to the door and begrudgingly tells you to enter.

(2/3)

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You find yourself in some kind of coal processing plant. Large men in heavy gear dump countless minecarts full of coal into a big hopper that shunts the black rocks into a massive grinder. The resulting powder is funneled into a duct that leads far down below the building.

Some of the workers surround you, waiting expectantly for a good reason not to tie your neck into a knot. You explain once more the whole story as you know it – the Architechium horse supplement facility, the planned attacks on Leadkeeper-controlled operations, your meeting with the gun hag, et cetera. When you reveal the Bonk, as well as some of the odd trophies you’ve gathered from the Hippodrome, they seem to believe you.

The guy who first greeted you speaks up. He says that, if your story is true, they can expect the Architechium to pull something real soon. They went to all that trouble to try and rub you out, so they might try to stage an assault quickly before you leak their information.
The coal worker suggests two courses of action: alert the main Leadkeeper headquarters, or help shore up this particular location against enemy action. He notes that this coal mine is a fairly new outpost and has only elementary defenses, making it vulnerable.

You think about asking the workers some questions, but they don’t seem to trust you very much. They also seem hesitant to let you run around the area unaccompanied.

What do?
>Talk to them about getting to the main Leadkeeper base
>Talk to them about helping them defend
>Try to fish for more information
>Something else?

(3/3)

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>>5261863
>Ask them about their history and their beef with the Architechium
>Point out that one of the Architechium's leaders is making his move
>note that the Architechium knows the Leadkeepers are making a concurrent push towards the logging camp and if the coal mine falls, the Leadkeepers planning the attack will be caught in a pincher attack

>>5261863
Ah yes, Adeptus Coallus. The less-known archenemy of Adeptus Mechanicus.
>Talk to them about getting to the main Leadkeeper base
Hope they have underground minecart tracks running between their bases. Those are kino.
>Give them the taser to improve our faction standing with Leadkeepers

>>5261990
+1 but specify giving them the taser to destroy. They don't like modern technology.

>>5262174
Sounds good.
t. >>5261990

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Pretty busy at the moment. Will have to delay by at least 3 days.

>>5264136
Appreciate the heads up as always. Good luck with RL.

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Thanks for waiting. Update is written up and will be posted within 24 hours.

>>5269549
Hell yeah, welcome back.

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>>5269549

>>5264136
Big smoochies

>>5269677
Holy kek

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>>5261978
You ask the Leadkeepers about their relationship with the Architechium. One of them just says that they don’t like ‘em, simple as. They seem disinclined to go into further detail.

With your knowledge of the Architechium’s future moves, you inform the men of the possible pincer movement on their logging camp front. They look a little nervous and start whispering to one another.

>>5261990
>>5262174
As a gesture of goodwill, you hand the workers the taser so that they can analyze or destroy it.

One of the Leadkeeper coalworkers steps forward, likely the leader of the group. He has apprehensively decided to place his trust in you; if you are indeed an enemy of the Architechium, you and your knowledge will be a great boon to the Leadkeepers. The workers here will put a hold on coal production and rally together to shore up the mine’s defenses, while you will relay your information to the Leadkeeper headquarters in the lead mine up north.

They’re still not 100% confident in you, a random wanderer who just showed up to their secret mining outpost with convenient information about their most hated enemy. You’ll have to have one of their own accompany you to your destination.

The foreman asks the group if anyone is willing to supervise you. When nobody steps forth, he “volunteers” one of the men for the job, whose name is apparently Scite. Your new companion grumbles weakly, but Scite begrudgingly complies, and he leads you out of the building and into the mine.

(1/2)

come back before I go to bed OP

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Loretta’s just hanging around outside. You explain the situation to her; she’ll follow you wherever you need to go, although to be honest, she’s a little nervous of entering the claustrophobic mine tunnels.

Scite walks right into the pitch-black passageway without hesitating. You hang back, unwilling to just blindly waltz into the darkness, but Scite shoots you a glower of impatience, so you hurry towards him.

You and your new companion walk in silence through the winding shafts, although you’re less “walking” and more “stumbling idiotically”. Then you bang your shin against the rock wall. Yeowch!
Scite huffs in annoyance and hands you a round thing. Confused, you fiddle around with it, but find no buttons or switches – and suddenly a blinding light fills your vision! You fall on your ass in shock. While you’re rubbing your eyes, you hear Scite making a sort of quiet choking noise… if you didn’t know any better, you’d say he was chuckling.

Your eyes adjust to the light, and you see that you are holding some kind of glowing orb. It doesn’t seem to run on electricity; you notice strange runes inked up and down its smooth surface. Must be their version of a mining lamp. You pocket the orb.

You look around and find yourself in a hub of sorts. Tunnels lead every which way, labeled with unhelpfully esoteric names like “Spawning Annex” and “Maceral Divining”.
Scite sees you peering into the hallways and warns you not to go anywhere without him. The other guys’ll have his head on a pike if you mess anything up. And besides, you wouldn’t want to get caught in one of the ever-present clouds of firedamp – invisible, odorless, yet terribly deadly, much like what happens after you eat too much cabbage. Unfortunately, you presently lack some sort of small animal to serve as advance warning.

Your hulking companion turns towards a large metal door and starts spinning a huge dial lock. Scite takes the opportunity to complain to you about his overbearing boss, his frustrating and unrewarding job, the morons in the upper echelons, matters large and small. He seems like he'll be distracted for a while.

What do?
>Ask Scite some questions
>Check out the side rooms (may contain toxic gases)
>Pickpocket Scite
>Something else?

(2/2)

>>5270966
>Ask Scite some questions
Let's indulge him in his complaining and try to work in some questions. What is his job? Does he live here? (As politely as possible) why are they all so tall? How do they know the gun hag? Is there anything we should be prepared for re: the Architectum?

Also it looks like they're miner wizards. Awesome.

>>5270966
>What's with the termometer?
>Why is nobody rebelling against their boss and shit CEOs?
>*Eyeing the ultra fertilizer* Do they have any secret underground plants around here..?

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>>5270972
While Scite mouths off, you play along and try to cajole him into revealing more about the Leadkeepers.

Scite is apparently in charge of some sort of grinding machine, which he mentions has been on the fritz lately. You ask him what’s wrong with it, and he says everything. The millstone breaks down twice a week because the coal dust messes with the control glyphs, his coworkers are incompetent idiots who need a babysitter to walk them through pressing a big red button, and the foreman has been on his ass about the quality of his coal powder, which is somehow not good enough despite being 99% pure anthracite. The Elders had better appreciate his contribution to the cause, because there sure as shit ain’t any appreciation here.

You ask if Scite lives in the mine. He snorts derisively. Yeah, he was made here, but he certainly doesn’t want to stick around this crusty old hole any longer than he has to. This place is a temporary outpost anyway, since the Elders need to stretch their charcoal supplies with coal dust now that someone took over their wood operation. And anyone with basic knowledge of crepitology knows it won’t be sustainable.

Off-handedly, you remark that Scite and his coworkers sure are big, at least for you. Scite laughs it off and says he’s just built different. You ask if he could elaborate, and he just says that mine workers need to be stronger than scouts and diplomats, who are more your size.

You ask about his relation to the owner of the gun shop in town. Scite doesn’t know her personally, but she’s definitely a sister. People like the gun hag allow the lowly grunts like him to access the myriad comforts of greater surface civilization: TV, microwave meals, and instant coffee (one of your people’s greatest inventions, he adds).

He doesn’t know much about the Architechium. They’re right bastards, for one. And they butt heads with the Leadkeepers at every turn. But he doesn’t pay attention to politics.

(1/2)

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>>5271184
According to Scite, it gets toasty down in the depths of the mine, what with the lack of circulation and the molten rock and all. And if a cloud of firedamp goes off somewhere, the first indication’ll be a sharp rise in temperature. By the way, Scite says, you should get some protection against the firedamp, because they don’t have any respirators for you. The masks they all wear are just for keeping out the dust; they don’t do shit against carbon monoxide. You should’ve brought a canary or something.

Scite balks at the notion of rebelling against his higher-ups. What, like a mutiny? He says that he’s a Leadkeeper and proud of it, and he holds their cause dear to his heart, and he follows the orders as they come even if they’ve been given by pants-on-head nincompoops, and so on and so forth.
You ask him what that cause is, exactly. Scite says that their goal is to rid the West of intruders like the Architechium, and those aggressive bandit clans and their heathenic practices, as well as…
Well, Scite looks at you and considers that he might be revealing too much.

You ask Scite if there are any plants down here. Not unless you count the coal, he replies. Or the bioluminescent fungus.

Scite opens the massive steel door and walks deeper into the tunnels, beckoning for you to follow.

What do?
>Follow him
>Take a quick glance into the side rooms
>Lock the door on him
>Something else?

>>5273348
He seems like a bro honestly. I vote against fucking him over.

>Yeah, he was made here
>Scite laughs it off and says he’s just built different.
Oh jeez these guys are coal golems or something. Or magic robots.

>Take a quick glance into the side rooms
ONLY if they're unlocked and we can be sure he doesn't spot us. Don't go in them, hustle to catch up right after.

Otherwise just
>Follow him

Also
>Say we don't have a canary, sorry, is there ANYTHING we can do to protect from dying horribly

>>5273348
>Put some ultrafertilizer on a bioluminescencent mushroom in an open area (just a tiny amount)
>Reveal our egg-in-hat and ask him to bring us to a very hot place so we can incubate our bird fast

>>5273355
>no bird
let's fix that

>>5273418
The bird egg is nonfertilized according to QM, but he can retcon it for Rule of Funny if he wants.

>>5273431
We have ultrafertilizer, anon.
t.>>5273418

>>5273441
Okay, yeah, the ultrafertilizer will definitely fertilize an unfertilized egg. Fair point. (I realize this sounds sarcastic. It's not. It is a fair point.)

beeg homunculus coal miner?

>>5273348
Busy day, forgot about the quest. Update tomorrow.

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>>5273418
You sprinkle just a tiny pinch of fertilizer over one of the mushrooms. It flashes brilliantly for just a second, but it’s enough to leave you blinking away the afterimage. It also looks a little bigger.

You ask Scite about hot areas. He tells you there’ll be plenty of heat to go around once the two of you get to the lava layer.

>>5273441
>>5273446
You apply one dose of fertilizer to the unfertilized egg. As can be expected, this somehow works.
A cute little baby chick hatches underneath the warmth of your hat, and immediately bonds to you. It chirps brightly. Loretta licks her chops, but you rebuke her with a quick swat to the snout.

>>5273355
With your new pet, you take a quick peek into each of the rooms before you follow Scite.

The room marked “Pulverization” contains holes in the ceiling with metal containers beneath. Every few seconds, massive weights plummet from above and reduce the coal in the containers into fine powder.
The “Spawning Annex” is quite dark, even with the aid of your light orb, but you can just make out silhouettes of… arms? And legs? Peculiarly, you get the sense that one of them is looking back at you…
The space marked for “Maceral Divination”, on the other hand, is well-lit by a multitude of glowing runes. You hear deep, rumbling incantations from within, followed by a muffled gunshot – then, the room is illuminated with shimmering shapes in the air, almost looking like a map.
“Carbonic Runescrafting”, whatever that is, apparently involves quite a lot of coal-filled minecarts. A lone workbench sits in the middle of the room, surrounded by shelves full of odd objects with intricate symbols. This room is unoccupied.
Through the door labeled “Residence Chambers” is a hallway with more doors. You see a miner open one and enter, which is strange, because that door just seems to lead right into the dirt.
The Egress points to the ladder from which you came.

From your little avian buddy’s reactions, you discern that firedamp is present in the Spawning Annex, Carbonic Runescrafting, and Residence Chambers.

(1/2)

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You head deeper into the mine, past rows of miners chipping away at coal veins, past the smoky residue of a dynamite-blasted hole, steadily downwards into the catacombs. There’s a few close calls where you feel the baby chick in your hat faint; that’s when it’s time for you and Loretta to hold your noses and get out of dodge. Your hard-hatted companion, however, walks through the firedamp like it’s not even there.

It’s quite warm down here. Actually, it’s the point when your shirt is soaked with sweat where Scite tells you that you’re at the end of the coal mine. Any further than this, he says, and you enter the realm of the Underglock – a winding series of caverns, filled with Leadkeeper cargo rails, but infested with all sorts of malign creatures just waiting to whittle your bones into bullets. Don’t trust anything, Scite tells you grimly. And especially not anything that talks back.

Scite directs you to a shipment of coal powder headed towards the town of Plumbum. The three of you hop into the minecart train, and Scite shovels a load of coal into a little furnace in the rear, setting the line of carts creaking forward at a healthy pace.

The minecarts accelerate quickly. Soon, you’re holding down your hat and trying not to puke, while Scite uses the downtime to take a quick siesta. The train speeds down the mushroom-lit tunnels.
You notice something odd – near the back of the cave is a silhouette of a very short man. You watch as the man pulls a lever. Suddenly, there’s a click from beneath you as the minecart train drifts apart, with you in the front and Scite with Loretta in the back. Then you start seeing the other row of carts moving away from you. You’re on two diverging rails!

What do?
>Make a jump for it (Medium Rootin’ check, item loss on failure)
>Shoot the lever back (Hard Shootin’ check)
>Try to stop the carts by throwing stuff on the rail
>Something else?

(2/2)

>>5277459
There's a traitor among our midst!
>Dump the Uzi mag in the traitor/lever's direction
>Shoot the lever back
Can we lower the check difficulty if we use the whole mag?

Do you dislike our Oni mask QM?

>>5277459
Name your new chick friend Harrison Ford
>>5277532

>>5277564
If we fail the lever, we can feed Harrison Ford some more ultrafertilizer to make her grow into the full goddamn flamingo (that's what I'm assuming she is) and then use her to glide onto the carts below before we lose all the momentum.

>>5277532
>Do your best "SPAH AROUND HERE" impression

>>5277532
>>5277564
>>5277621
>>5278509
+1

>>5277459
>>5278509
+1

oh boy only seven more hours until I can call QM a retard

>>5279869
hopefully he archives the thread

File: 378.png (748 KB, 1000x838)

748 KB PNG

>>5277621
What? You want to fertilize your own baby chick? That’s disgusting.

>>5278509
>>5277532
You cry out that there’s a spah round here, then whirl up your heavy Uzi while Harrison Ford does her best impression of Archimedes.

Shootin’ check to hit the lever:
Roll best of 3d20 +4 (Shootin’) +1 (alcohol bonus) -4 (distance) -4 (moving target). At least 14 to pass.

(The hannya mask is easy to draw, but makes it more difficult to show facial expressions.)

Archive: https://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive/2022/5227129/
Next update will be in a new thread tomorrow.

Rolled 14 - 3 (1d20 - 3)

>>5280217
Based OP, welcome back.

Rolled 11 + 3 (1d20 + 3)

>>5280217

Rolled 18 + 3 (1d20 + 3)

>>5280217
RATATAT

>>5280282
>We actually succeed
MOAR DAKKA

Also thanks for running OP!

New thread:
>>5281599