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From P Company's Public Relations archives:

"PRODUCT RECALL:
'ASBESTO-BUDDY' ASBESTOS CONTAINMENT CELL REINFORCEMENT

Due to recent pressure arising from disputed scientific studies, reports of customer dissatisfaction at formerly clandestine P-Company sites, and numerous fatalities resulting from the lack of a choking hazard warning, all instances of 'ASBETO-BUDDY' Asbestos Containment Cell Reinforcement have been pulled from the market. If you have previously purchased an 'ASBESTOS-BUDDY' pack within the last week, please consult P Company's Customer Service office at 702-XXX-XXXX."

Multiple errors, especially the fact that the Customer Service office had not been established at the time, had initially marked these recall statements for SIMPLE MINDS disinformation procedures, under supervision of E Company. This proposal was met with numerous objections from P Company's Communications and Accounting Departments:

"No."

"Why are you spending so much money on a dumb recall statement anyway? Just send out another recall statement on the first one."

Recursive recall statements are still being issued to this day.

ARCHIVE: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Lobotomy%20Corporation
WORK MANUAL/EMPLOYEE DOSSIER: https://pastebin.com/LsQ2XJDr, https://pastebin.com/10TKr6ET
THREAD THEME: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jXJ61wBE-U (Huey Lewis and the News - Hip To Be Square [SB16 CT1740 OPL3 MIDI Output])

The entirety of the E Company Standard Operating Procedures:
1. DIE
2. HAVE FUN
3. SMILE FOR THE CAMERA =)
>>
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>>5191644
You are still Employee Benjamin Carniceiro, and you've made your decision about this call.

"Haven't you ever considered that you've been relying on a random stranger to give you the code?" This is just pure incompetence right here. "I could hang up at any moment now, destroy all your hard effort."

There is silence as the anomaly considers your words.

"'Davidson,' regular people can't stop war. We're too small for that," you continue. "But for what it's worth, the code is 00000001. We're done with your game of telephone."

Halting nervousness explodes into side-splitting laughter from the other end.

"Do not worry, do not worry! Everything is guaranteed, my friend. If you wouldn't do it for us, there will be someone else coming to relay our message." A final harsh bark of laughter comes through the receiver. "After all, the phone line is endless."

*click*

You hang up the receiver, with a little more force than necessary. You clench your jaw.

It's over. And yet, something just isn't right.

Ellison calls your name. You turn to respond and find yourself breathing in the sterilized air of somewhere else. The words die in your mouth as you try to understand. This a cleaner facility. This is a better City.

You are wearing your white coat again. It's longer than what you remember from all those years ago. It only takes a moment to realize that this is from a time that will never come.

A flash of blinding white overcomes you without warning.

The light is unbearable, crashing upon you like the blastwave that soon follows. You try to shield yourself but it shines through your finger, your arm, your skin itself, burning deep into your retinas...

As it all goes so white, a tremendously strong grip seizes onto your arm and drags you back into the darkness.

Employee B has lost connection.
Epiphany DEFCON GUARDIAN has manifested.
>>
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>>5191652
You are Employee G2, also known as Drone 20356G, also known as GINNY, also known as GUNNY with an I, also known as GIN RUMMY, also known as the PROTAGONIST.

You hum along to the music. What a nice facility, what a kind world you are in. It comes with entertainers who aren't killed on sight and with a beautiful diegetic soundtrack.

The elegant sound of a piano waltzes through the air...

https://youtu.be/IzC1LLUYTss (Suspiria Soundtrack - Death Valzer)

"Thank you! Thank you!"

You clap a few times and let the funny black-and-white mime know that his new routine of putting one foot ahead of the other is both appreciated and wonderful. Your pet dog barks his agreement.

"..?"

>Assign Employee G2 to do Core Maintenance on JEFF. Tell her to do whatever JEFF asks of her.

*beep* You look at your PDA and can hardly contain your growing excitement.

"Hey, I need YOU!" You run up to the mute, catch his arm in a firm customer-employee relationship (a life-and-death grip), and start dragging him towards the storage room. "C'mon!"

"..!" He realizes that his struggles are in vain by the time the two of you enter the elevator.

He nods quietly as you recount the instructions for operating the ingress pipe towards the CORE ROOM word for word, just in case he didn't know it already. (19344C already filled you in for this one, what a wonderful lady; you can smell the workings of a proper ADMINISTRATOR coursing through her veins.)

You're finally going to put your talents to good use, 20356G...
>>
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>>5191665
You step into a dark and wet room, lit only by a single red emergency light.

You can hear nothing but the gasping of something human and a heartbeat that seems to echo from beyond the walls. Your little dog whines softly as you splash through the stagnant waters.

On the far wall of the CORE ROOM, you finally make out an amalgamated cluster of pipes and a single pale human hand jutting out of a small hole in the knot.

A feeling of helplessness grips your little heart. It's just like in the Factory again, watching as someone gets stuck in the harvesting machinery, watching and unable to help. Bile rises into the back of your throat...

"Greetings, maggots of maggots." HELLA JEFF intones from somewhere far way. "I believe that you are here to what are you-"

Clutching your handy-dandy, bile-covered CORPORATE ASSISTANCE TOOL (a knife), you start waving it around in the general direction of the trapped woman!

"I'll get you out! I promise! I'm HERE TO HELP!"

"HOLY SHIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" The voice of the facility assistant screeches. You press a hand to one ear and keep swinging. "KEEP THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!"

"DON'T WORRY, I'VE GOT THIS-"

Something warm and wet grabs you by the collar and pulls you back by the ROPE CRAVAT (a noose) tied around your neck.

"YOU ARE GOING TO KILL HER IF YOU STAB HER! I AM HER LIFE SUPPORT!" You are too busy choking to respond.

"Oh my God. I'm really sorry, but I'm going to let you go any closer." JEFF drags you back by a few feet towards a terminal with a few pictures of AMUSING PUZZLES. "LOOK, you absolute head Casey, I just need to you to solve some practical problems and then you can leave. Can you do that without resorting to irresponsible acts of violence?"

"Yeahuh." You take a few deep breathes in before checking the terminal. A sinking feeling settles in your stomach.
>>
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>>5191675
Oh NO. CHILDREN'S BLOCK PUZZLES.

PUZZLE:
You are @.
@ can push Xs foward.
@ cannot pass through tiles shaded by ///.
@ cannot pass through Xs.
Push all Xs onto Os to solve the puzzle.
Draw the path that @ takes to complete each puzzle.

There is another terminal here with a faded Post-It note attached to it. A single textbox blinks into the darkness.

"CONFIRM AUTHORIZATION OVERSEER_TWELVE?" it states.

PASSWORD:
Password is "password"
Password is +2

>SOLVE PUZZLES (see attached image)
>Write in?
>>
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>>5191677
Life... wonderful, indeed. I have returned, and I will try to put in a good stay this time. Something light to start off the thread...
>>
>>5191677
>+2
Wait, wait, hold on. I think I might got an idea on what the password is. This probably isn't it but...that's a shift. Caesar shift?

>type in "Nyqqumpb" as the password

If that doesn't end up anywhere, I'll try wracking my head with the FUNNY PUZZLES (assuming no one else does)
>>
>>5191691
Well, it's that or RCUUYQTF. That's my second guess for the password As for the FUNNY PUZZLES?

#1: Push the right and left one down one. Push the middle one to the right. Push the left one up to the O. Now, go to where you push the right one down to, shove it to the left and then up to the O. Now, push what used to be the middle up to the last remaining O.

#2: Push the third X up, then push the fourth X to the right. Now, go to above where the third X is now is and push down. Do the same with the second one. Push it up, then push the third X to the right. Then go to where the first one is, push it to the right until it hits the O. Now push down what used to be the second one into the final O.

#3: Push middle X up, push right X right. Go around, push the right X down. Push the left one as left as it can go. Then up one. Go to middle one, push it down one. Go around, push it to the left. Go around, push it to the right until it's above the right X. Push left X down. Or dlllldddrrurldlluuurrrrddlllrrruulldurrddlldllurrrluulld
d = down
l = left
r = right
u = up
>>
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>>5191677
Just realized that I forgot prompts.

You spend a moment cowering in a shadowy corner before you muster up the strength to stand again, after a few encouraging licks of your Man's Best Friend model. (Good boy.)

Your work order does say to follow what the facility assistant says, so you're going to have to swallow your fear and hunger in the face of this dreaded BLOCK PUZZLE. (WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SO DIFFICULT???)

What's this about a password, though?
>SOLVE PUZZLES (see above.)
>Is there something you'd like to speak to HELLA JEFF about? (Write in.)
>Run away, like you always do.
>Scream. (This is a free action that can be repeated.)
>Write in.

>>5191691
>>5191935
Not quite there with the password, but your solution block puzzle is 100% correct. Good work.
>>
>>5191935
+2 on the puzzle solver. Good work anon!

>>5191967
>Scream. (This is a free action that can be repeated.)
>Is there something you'd like to speak to HELLA JEFF about? (Who [or what] IS her, the lady on life support?)

The password isn't RCUUYQTF? Damn, I figure converting it into numbers and adding 2 to each would've worked.

Would any of the following work? passwordpassword? password imputed twice? passwordb? password+2? +2? password?

I'm probably missing something obvious here. Also, nice to have you back Heart!
>>
>>5191967
>>5192236
I'd like to add 'a' as another password option btw.
>>
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>>5191967
>Scream. (This is a free action that can be repeated.)
>Scream. (This is a free action that can be repeated.)
>Scream. (This is a free action that can be repeated.)
>Is there something you'd like to speak to HELLA JEFF about? (Who [or what] IS her, the lady on life support?)

>>5191677
Nice SMT Nocturne Puzzle Boy block puzzles there QM. Good to see you back and alive

>>5191680
relevant pic
>>
>>5191967
>>5191935
>>5192236
>>5192238
>>5192356
You decide to get cracking on the password first. The threat of a PUZZLE fills you with an incredible psychological distress. Better to start with something simple, like-

>passwordpassword
Journal files from Overseer 12 have been partially recovered.
OVERSEER or DEPARTMENT HEAD level identification and additional CORE MAINTENANCE are required to access more removed files.

Oh wow! You're off to a good start already! With a lot of hope, these STUPID PUZZLE will be just as easy!

CORE MAINTENANCE COMPLETE
Have a nice day.


You stumble away from the terminal, blinking away tears. Those had to be the worst several minutes of your first month of employment. Your head feels like it's going to explode, so you raise it upwards and
>SCREAM
sending your dog into a barking fit. You feel a little better, but not by much. (BLOCK PUZZLES. Why did it have to be BLOCK PUZZLES?)

uhhhhh, um, are Drones supposed to do that when the employee is vocalizing too hard please submit appropriate unemployment files and are you okay Ginny and-" A rapid series of PDA beeps and boops echoes from somewhere above your head. "Okay! Employee G2, I order you to calm down. Please."

You close your eyes and repeat a few words from the Standard Company Procedures manual, without stopping to take a breath. ("Gut through it, reduce thrash, and let's stay in lock-step on this!" speaks warmly to you the most.)

When you finally look upwards, the previously shifting walls of the CORE settle noisily into place. The metallic echoes of clicking machines is swallowed up by the still waters. Pipes spread across the ceiling like a skein of growing veins.

The back wall has shifted as well, down to the elbow of that thin, limp arm.

HEART Core compatibility and function increased.
Another control console screen has been restored.
HEMORRHAGE needle acquired.
>>
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>>5193333
"Congratulations on your success, you double human insect." JEFF intones. The gasping noises in the room have quieted down to a shallow, but steady breathing. "Now, would you kindly leave my CORE room? The life support unit is rather sensitive and I will garnish your wages if you do not leave."

"Wait, wait, I just have one question before I go!" You slosh forward through the now waist-high water, cat and dog in hand. Before you can go any further, that firm and wet grip goes around your knife-bearing wrist again.

"I need you to leave, please, you scare the hell out of me and you're probably going to get sick if you breath in too much water-"

"I just want to help that woman before I-"

"No more questions and get out of here quickly-"

>SCREAM
>SCREAM
>SCREAM

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaAAAAAAAAaaAAAAAAAAAAaaAA-!" YOU ROAR DEAFENINGLY. JEFFERY RECOILS FROM THE SHEER VOLUME AND RELEASES YOU. "STOP TALKING! I JUST HAVE A QUESTIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!"

"OKAY, OKAY! WHAT'S THE QUESTION?"

YOU WIPE YOUR FACE A FEW TIMES BEFORE YOU FIND YOUR VOICE AGAIN. "Who or what is that lady stuck in there?"

"She is very important, she's been there since I woke up under Overseer Thirteen, and I don't know anything else. Confirming her identity now would mean disrupting the attached life support unit and I cannot let that happen."

"Isn't there anything that I can do to help???" There's a metallic smell coming from all this water.

"You can't. There's nothing you can do right now."

"..."

"Alright, listen. I can give you a SECOND PUZZLE, double up on CORE MAINTENANCE. It is much less BLOCKY than the first. Hhhhhh, it already stings right after being restored, but-" JEFF recomposes himself. "This test is designed to fully exploit the capabilities of your waterlogged mind. It goes as follows:

'Bring me to blood and I will drink it to the drop. Bring me to flesh and I will remove the impurity. Bring me to metal and I will bite down with red-hot joy. Bring me to the iron cage and I will behave as I must. Bring me further, my friend, far into the heat and light.' What Alphabet Company is this?"

>Answer?
>Ask? (Write in.)
>Scream. (This is a repeatable free action.) WARNING: OVERLOAD IMMINENT.
>Leave quickly. (This ends the CONNECTION.)
>>
>>5193346
Trying to remember what companies we've heard of. A, C, E, H, I, L, M, P, R, and T are the ones that come to mind.

A, C, I, H, P, and T probably don't fit that description, so we have E, L, M, and R left.

E-Company, from what little we've seen of them, are incredibly vague and ominous mystery people. Hard to say either way.

L-Company has the light motif, with candles and stuff, but it doesn't really connect to any of the other notes.

M-Company fits with the blood and meat and the iron cage makes me think of a wage cage but M-Company doesn't seem to care about "impurities" that much.

>Answer: R-Company. With scorn, due to being a loyal M-Company supporter.

R-Company has a whole deal about metal and strong steel and being caged up little fuckwits. They seem like they would bite down metal with red-hot joy (pretty sure a drone's teeth would melt if they did that).
>>
>>5191644
HE RETURNS!!!
>>
>>5193374
Otherwise yeah, R company is the one that fits the most, simply because the metal pervert part
>>
>>5193346
The famed one returns! Praise be!
Your writing is getting better and better mate.

>>5193374
Supporting R company, seems like the one that makes most sense.
>>
>>5193346
R-Company
>>
Don't die OP or get discouraged if suddenly you have to bail your quests are really good and I cant wait to see what happens next :D
>>
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>>5195751
I'm not dead yet, but my lack of sleep is interrupting classwork/writing. There should be time later tonight.
>>
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>>5193346
>>5193374
>>5193400
>>5194150
>>5194558
>"R Company"
I hiss through an AWARD-WINNING GRIMACE. Out of all the POWERS THE BE, there is only one that fits that horrible, horrible, horrible description. "You aren't one of those ABOMINATIONS, are you MISS POLITO?"

"Please tell Casey to stop using my moth-that name. I had a headache then from the lack of repairs and the point is that no, I am not a robot. I'm a CARD! You hear me? I've got BIG WORTH among the Alphabet Soup gang. Yes..." Several more clicks and beeps come from somewhere at the BACK OF BEYOND. I hum a little ADVERTISING JINGLE as the foul-smelling water rises to my chest. "And oh, congratulations on solving that PUZZLE."

Employee Morale -> YOU are filled with the SATISFACTION of a JOB WELL DONE.
HEART Core compatibility and function increased.
Another control console screen has been restored.
OVERVITALIZE needle acquired.


"So what happens now?" I ask with great EXPECTATION. My dog starts whining as as the FOUL WATERS touch his fur (or lack of). "Are there any more AMUSING TASKS that I need to do~"

"What! Why are you still here? Didn't you notice all my bl-" JEFFERY clears his throat. "YOU HORRIBLE SLACKING MAGGOT, you're one step closer to helping this woman! Now, for your next part of CORE MAINTENANCE, LEAVE IMMEDIATELY BEFORE YOU DROWN. Employee termination is a net negative for all corporate endeavors, from my understanding."

An EXTREMELY GRATING noise grinds out from the walls. "Hnnnghh, this is the worst part of repairs, the physical changes to it all and-"

I give the FACILITY SCREAMER a THUMBS UP (the universal sign of CORPORATE APPRECIATION for EFFORT!) as he rattles on about PIPEWORK. "HAVE A NICE DAY!"

"Unnrk. Thanks, ach, my guts-"

The SUSPICIOUS DISCHARGE splashes around me as I step into the EGRESS PIPE. The last thing that I see within the CORE room is the gleam of a CRIMSON EYE from its immurement in the far wall...

... and I as I step into the cold air of the first floor, I arrive JUST IN TIME to join in the facility-wide APPLAUSE at the end of the wonderful PERFORMANCE.
>>
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>>5196642
<SIGNAL FOUND>
<RECONNECTING>


The first feeling that returns is the movement of your chest rapidly rising and falling. JEFF makes a horrified quacking as you hyperventilate your way into the waking world.

"okay okay okay God thank you finally hes here" jeff immediately starts stammering all four of the console screens. "Manager, HELP!!!"

"Ahhhh. W-What happened this time, JEFFERY?" you ask, with a little too much annoyance.

It's hard to resist yelling at your facility assistant for being so loud. Being forced through the cramped mind of a NEUROTIC and the manic CORPORATE worldview straight up sucked ass. "I-I was out of my mind for only a brief moment."

"It was the entire work hour!"

"O-Okay." Figures. "I-I think I was Ben. T-Then I was that defective who screamed at you. Is this normal?"

"Right, right, okay, standard procedure for consciousness alteration: 'Inquire about his/her experience.' Let's skip that, too long. 'Manager should expect dealing with alternative states of consciousness.' Too boring, next. 'Coping mechanisms are too varied to list.' Ah, here! Is Overseer Numero Tredici sitting at his desk?"

You nod.

"Back to business, we talk later: We have three big problems."

"A-Alright, let's have it."

"One. Sundance is almost dead." One of JEFF's displays switches to the containment cell with Rigorous Lessons from an Absent Teacher and A Bed by the Window. Employee E is trying his damnedest to keep all of S's blood inside his body, but all of the skin above his waist has been peeled back to the muscle. Your life experience (and common sense) tells you that he's going to die. "That mime sent me a photo of his skinned body, but Benjamin is still knocked out cold and Casey is uh... you know."

Throughout the sounds of wet gurgling and the desperate attempts to help, Employee H sleeps on without a care in the world...

Can you hear that? The wild ride is about to begin. Please recommend an action.
>EMPLOYEE B IS UNAVAILABLE FOR THIS MEDICAL TEAM ACTION
>[... To Nobody Again] Go down there and start fixing him up yourself. (Costs two BLOOD BUCKETS.)
>Inject him with E-Energy? (You check and it's there's a little more than 30 E Energy packets in the system.)
>Inject him with PRODUCT? (You have only one PRODUCT.)
>Write in.
>>
>>5196726
"George didn't slit Ben's throat?" You inquire about the jackass. As much as you dislike him... he's still an employee.

"On the contrary, Employee G6 brought B into the employee break room in an attempt to resuscitate him. He must have poured five gallons of water before he started to wake up, but he's still out of it. This brings us to our second problem."

One of the displays switches to the employee break room. Even through the cruddy resolution of the CCTV cameras, it is clear that the Officer has burst out from his humanity. Jointed hands and spindly talons lash out from the standing remains. Black venom drips from a mangled head, shrilling out rising hisses of anger.

A shouting employee A is being held back by G3 and G4. Employee V has his face screwed up in panic as he stares into his PDA for an answer. G6 calmly pours yet another cup of water on B in the background.

Employee G stands upright and stony-faced, looking to escape from the maddened cop on the other side of the card table.

Even as the Officer keeps blocking Employee G, the cards fly fast between the spider's writhing fingers with the sleight of hand of a street performer. Perfectly coordinated movements are almost hypnotizing to watch.

"W-Wow. N-Neat card tricks."

"It is pretty cool. Ahem. Those two security guys have deferred to you on how to handle this situation, instead of actually doing their jobs for whatever reason."

"Third, Ms. Casey is unlocking the gun crate." Through the third screen, you can see Employees G2 and O hovering over her shoulder as Casey fumbles with the ID lock. "She means well, but having 'The facility shot at me' probably won't look good on our police inspection report."

You lean back in your comfortable managing chair and start thinking. Time for a little exercise in chaos management, Overseer.
>Just accept the situation and let the game play out. (Roll d100 because poker is a game of risk management.)
>Make an announcement to your Employees to subdue the almost rampaging Officer. (Which employees will you send? And arm them with guns?)
>[From Nobody...]"J-JEFF, keep an eye on the facility for me, alright?" Leave. The situation will probably resolve itself.
>[...To Nightmare]"J-JEFF, keep the console running, alright?" Deal with the problem yourself.
>Write in?
>>
Oh shit oh fuck. So apparently we constantly flicker our consciousnesses to other people. Weird factor of being an overseer or?

>>5196726
>[... To Nobody Again] Go down there and start fixing him up yourself. (Costs two BLOOD BUCKETS.)
If that doesn't work or if people wanna spend this instead
>Inject him with PRODUCT (You have only one product)

>>5196731
>[...To Nightmare]"J-JEFF, keep the console running, alright?" Deal with the problem yourself.
No one fucks with our employees.
>>
>>5196726
"Lets go with the product answer, if it doesn't work I guess E-Energy, although I doubt it'll work."
>Write in: Inject him with PRODUCT, and if that does nothing then E-Energy.

>>5196731
>Write in: "Jeff keep the console running and update me on things as they go along....Hello everyone and sec team, continue to arm yourselves as I hurry along to meet you all. Lets work to stop this poker game before it cashes in. "
>Leave your office and join the employees to try to stop the rampaging officer before things get worse. (Do not unleash the beast)
>>
>>5196747
Hey anon I don't think we have enough time to do two things at once, were only one person.
>>
>>5196751
If we don't have time for both, then I defer my first choice to injecting PRODUCT into him. I prefer dealing with the asshole cop since I value Employee G a bit more than S.
>>
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>>5196731
Before I pass into the dream lands:
>What about the guns crate? (Write in.)
>>
>>5196768
>Let Casey open it up.
We need to give those guns out anyways.
>>
>>5196748
>>5196768
>If my action goes through, assign the gun crates 'CAREFULLY', Casey gets one, security and only the ones we know we can trust after that. If A shows up, she only gets a fire axe no matter what.
>>
>>5196747
Personal opinion, I don't think we should intervene through "[nightmare] as "the manager ate one of our officers" won't look good on our report card...like at all.
>>
>>5196773
I'll relent on not game ending him but I do want this dude under wraps since this has long since stopped being an inspection.
>>
>>5196378
Also oof OP, may you recover from your lack of sleep and that you have time to update this quest, its really good! :D
>>
>>5196783
Same on making sure he isn't a trouble, I think doing some "field command" on disarming him would work best. We play 'tank' and try to wrestle him to the ground, our sec officers subdue him with their batons and we make sure that he doesn't murder anyone! Bonus points if we can get the others to throw some blankets or whatever on him. :D
However I am a bit scared to interrupt as Jeff said in the past, "[e]ven if it's just a game, cards aren't something that you can just interrupt".
>>
>>5196726
>[... To Nobody Again] Go down there and start fixing him up yourself. (Costs two BLOOD BUCKETS.)
>Inject him with E-Energy? (You check and it's there's a little more than 30 E Energy packets in the system.)
>Inject him with PRODUCT? (You have only one PRODUCT.)

>>5196731
>Just accept the situation and let the game play out. (Roll d100 because poker is a game of risk management.)
>Make an announcement to your Employees to subdue the almost rampaging Officer. (A, no, and only help if G is actively being harmed)
>[...To Nightmare]"J-JEFF, keep the console running, alright?" Deal with the problem yourself.

I don't care about the space-time contradiction, we were two people moments ago, we can clearly divide our labor to accomplish both task simultaneously with our altered consciousness.

>>5196768
Gib gun to us, Casey, and Ginny. A gets the firehose. Get Ben dat coffee.
>>
>>5196811
You cannot split your mind like that nor can you currently "change the channel" at will. In addition, Ben passes out right as Ginny gets her work order.
>>
>>5196826
;_;
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>5196726
>>5196748
>>5196754
>>5196811
"T-Tell Ed to jab, uh, Sundance with our sole PRODUCT b-before I head down."

"Got it." And a few seconds later, a syringe, a box of PRODUCT, a pack of E-Energy and a set of instructions come flying into a corner of the containment cell.

"Hm? N-No need to turn the pipes?"

"As you may probably know from your first and slash or second hand experience of G2 yelling her head off at me, I now have complete control over the pipes of the facility thanks to the Core Maintenance work. No need to install an external upgrade for this function now."

"C-Cool."

And as the two of you watch...
>>
>>5197098
Jeff is the pipe person, their pipes run long and wide through this facility, and he controls them all.
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>>5197104
SHIT i meant they not he, sorry
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>>5197104
>>5197106
>they
>more than one JEFF
Anon, I think you've doomed this entire Quest. It's like scene from Spongebob with the idiot ball or S.T.A.L.K.E.R, but the sheer amounts of BRAIN DAMAGE radiating from the JEFFERY CONGLOMERATE causes every sapient being within a one mile radius to cease brain function, creating an anomalous no-go DEAD ZONE that expands with each passing day. A single tear rolls down from the facility assistant's eye (eyes?) as he bears witness to the death of the entire City... GAME OVER.

Can't finish this update now, class began, see you all tonight.
>>
>>5197134
Oof, who knew weaponized stupidity could be so powerful ;w;
Welp, looking forward to the update later!
>>
>>5197098
... Ed extracts the grey sludge from the PRODUCT box and plunges the needle into Employee S's arm. But it's already too late.

Sundance Cassidy is dead!

"F-Fuck." "Fuck!" The two of you recoil at the fatal message slowly crawling across the console screen. You gnash your teeth in absolute frustration. So much for the wonders of PRODUCT!

Life sign have ceased; all treatments are futile. And yet...

The body on the floor begins to twitch violently. Employee E steps back. Suddenly charged with ghastly vigor, the corpse begins to smash itself against the ground with such force that you can hear the bones crack! With a final smash of its own head, a perfectly preserved copy of S's body erupts out of the original corpse in a spray of putrefied gore!

"What the fuck!" Employee E starts retching. You quickly mute the audio feed.

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh jefferisveryconfuswhat

"O-O-Okay." You take a deep breath in, stand up, and shift your focus to something that you can actually understand. "J-JEFF, keep an eye on the f-facility for me and use the an-announcement system for updates. T-Tell Casey to arm the s-security team i-if she can."

"Got it!"

"R-R-Right then." You snatch your trusted riot baton and, doubling back, the ribboned length of rebar. Man, oh man, are your teeth chattering in anticipation...
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>>5198159
You were already rushing out the door, but the sudden crack of a single gunshot sends you almost tripping down the stairs to the first floor.

"WARNING! WARNING!" the intercom speakers blare. "GUNFIRE DETECTED AT. EMPLOYEE. BREAK ROOM. FLOOR ONE. ALERT, ALERT, ALL SECURITY TEAM MEMBERS ARE-"

As you turn the corner, you see Ginny kneeling in shock as she clutches the mangled fingers of her right hand. That freaky living-gun-dog-meat-thing whines for its master. Casey starts to apply bandages to the wound. Employee O just stands grimacing with a pistol in his hands.

"It's the Manager!" the Head of Medical cries out in relief as she catches sight of you. "You can fix this right? Right??"

"He just shot it out of her hands, like a Goddamn cowboy film..." O mutters, uselessly.

"N-Not lethal, clean the wound first before proceeding. E-Employee O, fucking help, you filthy g-goombah." You kick at his leg to ensure his compliance and enter the break room.

You reflexively duck as the Officer shoots once more, right into the ceiling. A warning shot! A trail of smoke leaks upwards from the service pistol held within the clutch of segmented appendages.

"YOU MOVE CLOSER, I SHOOT," the Officer states his ultimatum with a voice bursting aloud like a tremendous steam pipe. "BOZHE MOI, SITS ACROSS THE TABLE IS ONLY GOOD OPPONENT IN PILLAR. I CANNOT ALLOW INTERRUPTIONS."

With that declaration, the Officer shifts his entire body towards the card table, with the gun still pointed at the general direction of the others.

Taking cover behind an overturned table with the others, you can see that almost every single employee in the room seems hesitant to act. Even Employee A looks cowed by the threat. (Well, naturally, most people don't like getting shot by the police.)

"Are you... the Overseer?" asks the wheezing red-clad security officer through quickened breaths. (G3, right.)

"Y-Yes." You flash your card.

"Should we... rush him down?"

"Guide, we'd get shot," G4 warns.

"..." His buddy nods grimly. "Okay... I know that..."

Employee G seems to be actually sweating at the tension of the situation. He looks at his full hand with an intensity you didn't know he was capable of. The game must already be underway...

How are you going to deescalate the situation, Overseer?
>[From Nobody...]"E-Everyone, get out of the room." Leave Employee G to his fate, whatever that may be.
>[... to Nightmare] Stand and advance.
>[... to Nobody Again] "Y-You are overstepping the bounds of your inspection, O-Officer." Call him out on his terrible behavior.
>Write in.
>>
>>5198171
Oh right. Forgot these two.

Even through all of this, George simply stands and strolls on over for another glass of water. Ben splutters as he is watered without mercy.

I apologize for another late update. There's always something waking me up in the middle of the night.
>>
>>5198179
More than worth the wait OP! =v=
I am hyped as hell at the situation that is going on :D
>>5198171
Okay de-escalation, let's not get anybody killed or us shot. Even if we make it over with nightmare, that officer will probably head shot a few of our employees or grievously wound us in the process. Bullets probably still hurt us even if were a mutated monster.
>[... to Nobody Again] "Y-You are overstepping the bounds of your inspection, O-Officer." Call him out on his terrible behavior.
And also a quick question to HELLA JEFF, even if it's futile.
>Write in: "Jeff, what the fuck kind of game is going on."


>>5198159
When it means a copy, does it mean a living copy or a dead one? Also F Sundance.
>>
>>5198187
Also side note: I'm not sure if George is trying to wake up Ben or is just trying to waterboard him at this point...probably the second XD
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>>5198187
Only corpses or soon-to-be corpses can be preserved, anon. Could you even survive that formalin pickling process?

"H-H-Hey. H-Hey! H-HEY!" You poke A roughly.

"Guh!"

"P-Pass me your PDA." Thankfully, she does without further complaint.

>"Jeff, what the fuck kind of game is going on."

"POKER." The public announcement system booms.
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>>5198215
Well...shit, F Sundance.
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>>5198171
>[... to Nobody Again] "Y-You are overstepping the bounds of your inspection, O-Officer." Call him out on his terrible behavior.
>"This is supposed to be an inspection, O-Officer. I-I have not seen a-any inspection o-of the anomalies, n-nor the equipment. Y-You've just been playing fucking poker!"
>>
>>5198356
+1
Our taxes (probably) go to this shitshow, least he can do is pretend to do his job.
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>>5198356
+1, I have faith in G
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>>5198171
You alright Heart?
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>>5198187
>>5198356
>>5198788
>>5198932
>"Y-You are overstepping the bounds of your inspection, O-Officer."
You call out from behind the makeshift cover, which looks more and more flimsy down this side of the barrel. You look to your left and see Agent B with a service pistol in his hand. He gives you a slow nod, ready to act at your command. Your voice remains level as you continue.

>"T-This is supposed to be an police inspection. I-I have not seen any inspection of the anomalies, n-nor of the equipment. Y-You've just been playing fucking poker!"
You hurl the accusation down and, as if suddenly struck with the impact, the sound of lashing limbs goes still. "D-Do you have no shame? I-Is this the best that this City can offer? G-Get out of my facility if you can't properly do your job, you literal invertebrate."

Silence, save for the tense breaths of the employees.

Suddenly, the sound of cracking joints. You peek over the top and regret it. Legs fold away, chitin twists, copblood gushes, and Officer Vladimir adjusts his coat once more.

(The position of law enforcement is rife with abuse. Petty power is still power, charged with cruelty potential. And yet, here is that particularly insectile strain of duty and pride.)

"Fold." He flicks his wrist and throws down his hand with a jerky movement, as if suddenly struggling with the weight of his own arms. The Officer turns around and takes two strides, his entire body creaking as he crouches to eye-to-eye level. You look into a dark sea of ocelli and fretting jaws behind bandages scented with tar and rotten blood. "Now, Overseer, I charge you to bring me to that bed from M-Company."
>>
>>5225773
Despite visibly struggling with the coordination of his own limbs, the Officer manages to bodycheck both O and G2 on the way out. Employee E, bloody and stony-faced, starts to help them before he looks up and stares.

"Ed?" the Officer inquires, struck with the soft surprise of meeting an old friend. "Is that you?"

"Vladimir," E states, professionally, blankly.

"What are you doing up here? I did not expect to see you alongside these lowlifes."

"The winds of fate blew me down and I was swept up to a lonesome corner of a Pillar. Come here to crack some heads, Officer?"

"Not quite the usual business. Special favor to M Company, in fact." Somehow, there's a trace of a grimace in that mess of a face. "The overgrown brat had her nineteenth nervous breakdown and sent it away, meddling with something that she shouldn't have. A long line of fuckups and miscommunication for me to travel down and clean up."

"Miss Management, right?"

"That's the ticket. So you were listening." A wistful hiss, laughter like the swishing of cobwebs. "It's a shame that the old place burned down like that. You ran a tight joint, despite all the shit we gave you..."

"A-A touching reunion," you idly remark.

"Yes, yes, I know," The Officer snaps and recomposes himself. "Stories for another time. Don't get yourself into trouble, Eddie."

"Aye aye, sir."

You lead the officer away and forward, silently chewing upon these shadowy, vague glimpses of Ed's everyday life.
>>
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>>5225785
Familiarity, first. The smell of blood and evacuated bowels, second. The subtle, putrid sweetness and tinge of formalin underneath, third. The corpses of Employee S, dead last. A ringing lingers in the air, like a final note clinging onto the silence.

On the piano's music desk, there is a piece of human skin in the size and shape of a music sheet. Clefs, staves, and notes have been freshly scourged into the flesh, the wounds still weeping, still drying in the musty air of the containment cell.

ACQUIRED: MOVEMENT I

The Officer steps over the corpses and approaches the Bed, takes out a little notepad and pen, and makes a single decisive stroke across.

"A clean bill of health." The Officer hands you a small ticket. It's filled with pictures of ham sandwiches and signed off with an impressive scrawl that reads "O.V."

"I-Is that all?"

"I was only called here on a favor to Miss Meat. Nothing less, nothing more. You have my word on that. Rubbish, that's what this all is."

"W-What's the issue with this anomaly?"

The Officer takes hold of the employee's collar and brings it down. A ring of teeth and reddening gingiva is growing around Employee's H neck. Red pinpricks dot the surrounding skin, like the start of a bad rash.

"In the flesh, here is your anomaly. M Company simply wants to know where it is. Expect recovery shortly, whether by force or by friends."

INSPECTION COMPLETE.
THE METROPOLITAN POLICE CLUSTER THANKS YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION, CITIZEN.

Well. This entire encounter was needlessly dramatic. There are a few more loose ends to deal with before you can finally retreat back to your man ca-OVERSEER CONTROL ROOM.

The Officer coughs lightly, stalks off, and disappears (hopefully forever), but before he does so, you...
>Asked him a question. (Write in.)
>Punched him in the face. (Creates a one-on-one Incident.)
>Let him leave freely. Good riddance.
>Write in.

Hint: you currently have Goodwill+ with M-Company. One pip to work with, a festering interest...

What should be done about Employee S's corpse?
>Harvest. With the help of your fellow Teeth Ben and George, contributing to a local part of the Red Market racket will definitely net a good profit.
>Give it to Ben and Casey. Whether using it for the education of the seriously underqualified Head of Medical or having replacement organs at the ready, it will probably be put to good use.
>Give it a pipework burial. Since the body is intact and not lost in PRODUCTION, the only thing left is to give it a proper send-off. Either respectfully or impersonally, but it's not like you know this guy at all, anyway.
>Write in.

Wake up Employee H?
>YES
>NO
>>
>>5225796
>Let him leave freely. Good riddance.
We'll find another way to unleash our pent up tard rage.
>Give it to Ben and Casey. Whether using it for the education of the seriously underqualified Head of Medical or having replacement organs at the ready, it will probably be put to good use.
>YES
>>
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>>5208677
Yes. I have no alibis or excuses to deflect with. Next posts will deal with the last hour and the actions for the next hour.

I also missed the one year anniversary of me starting this Quest, on 3/25. So... happy birthday, HELLA JEFF! Happy birthday, OVERSEER THIRTEEN!
>>
>>5225796
>Let him leave freely. Good riddance.
>Give it to Ben and Casey. Whether using it for the education of the seriously underqualified Head of Medical or having replacement organs at the ready, it will probably be put to good use.
>NO
>>
>>5225801
It is what it is, glad this quest can continue though! May this quest live on for another one!

>>5225796
>Let him leave freely. Good riddance.
>Write in: >Give it to Ben and Casey. Whether using it for the education of the seriously underqualified Head of Medical or having replacement organs at the ready, it will probably be put to good use.

>Wake up employee H?
>Nah
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>>5225796
>Punched him in the face. (Creates a one-on-one Incident.)
>Give it a pipework burial. Since the body is intact and not lost in PRODUCTION, the only thing left is to give it a proper send-off. Either respectfully or impersonally, but it's not like you know this guy at all, anyway.
>Only if you can get a laugh out of it

>>5225801
Hey, I'm just happy that you're back Heart. Happy Birthday Jeff, 13!
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>>5225785
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArY0k-QkzO0
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>>5225796
>Let him leave freely. Good riddance.
>Give it to Ben and Casey. Whether using it for the education of the seriously underqualified Head of Medical or having replacement organs at the ready, it will probably be put to good use.
>NO
>>
are you okay, OP?



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