(If you're wondering where Western Quest(ern) is, we'll pick up where we left off in a couple of days. Thanks anon for archiving it for me.)

>>5159325

>Screw VR headsets and modern life! Why would you want those?
>Request an evil-vanquishing job instead! Save humanity from the pitfalls of evil!

>>5159325
Well Before we get ahead if ourselves here let's talk to our favorite resident of heaven.

>"HITLER? WHERE ARE YOU?"

>>5159339
this

>>5159325
>Ask for a mortal vessel.

>>5159325
Surely the guy who is currently in charge is completely 100% sane and not mad with power from OP items and having his every want taken care of by biblically accurate angels. Surely.

>>5159339
>>5159331
+1

>>5159339
Kek. Also try searching for Stalin too, because fuck it, why not if ol adolf is here. After all, if the failed artist is here surely the failed orthodox priest is too. Besides, it'd be fun to see the two fight again. Bonus points if we get Il Duce too.

>>5159339
+1 Amazing.

>>5159339
>>5159422
+1, we bringing the gang back together

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>>5159355
You ask God for a mortal vessel. Your request appears in front of you. He really ought to get an email or something.

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>>5159331
>>5159339
>>5159422
You decide to fight evil. You call out for Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini, but you appear to be in the wrong location.

There is, however, something that answers your call.

>>5159532
Is that a noose with wings? Now THIS is how we're getting out heaven.

Jump on in and Hang ourselves

>>5159550
+1 Don't be obtuse, the noose is perfect for our use. Now, take that piece of rope and hope.

>>5159532
ask for Heaven’s manager

>>5159532
enter the mysterious rope

>>5159550
+1 If we die in heaven will we go to SUPER heaven?
captha 4G0DG

>>5159532

Let's take that rope-angel and make it our comrade in arms!

Mussolini may or may not have went to heaven for real btw, just a fun tidibt...

>>5159774
I am sure that at least Codreanu is in Heaven, the guy was a devout orthodox and would have been an actual good leader of the country had he not been killed in prison.

>>5159532
masturbate while choking to death just in case, that way god will kick you out for sure

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>>5159550
>>5159662
>>5159707
That's an angelic testicle. It appears to be have been disembodied sometime in 1916.

You stretch it into a noose anyway, and jump in. Disappointingly, this doesn't do very much.

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>>5159669
You Karen it up and demand to see the manager.

One of those creepy non-mortal angels shows up.

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>>5159910
Unfortunately, you are lacking in reproductive organs. You're like a Ken doll down there.

That doesn't stop you from mimicking the act, thereby making everyone uncomfortable.

>>5160072
ask to be taken to God IMMEDIATELY or we’re going to leave a zero star yelp review

>>5160100
this, the customer is always right

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>>5160100
You scream at the baby head angel and demand to see God for urgent business. The angel begrudgingly complies, probably thinking about stabbing you.

You are faced with a river of milk and honey. It sounds pretty good in theory, but whoever set this up must've never heard of scaphism.

>>5160444
Send all the honey elsewhere, to a 'Bear of very little brain'.

Turn the Milk into Cheese

>>5160444
>>5160485

Support

>>5160444
looks like a self-defense situation, dropkick the babyhead into the river

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>>5160551
You abuse a poor customer service worker who just wants to get through the day without some entitled mortal trying to brownnose the boss into getting free boons.

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>>5160485
You dig a trench and reroute the honey down to China.

You apply rennet and cheese cultures to the milk, turning it into cheese. The cloud of angelic flies immediately turns it into casu marzu.

>>5160572
>The cloud of angelic flies immediately turns it into casu marzu.
Dig in. It ought to taste, you know, heavenly.

>>5160572
go to the source of milk and honey

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>>5160573
You eat the casu marzu. It is a truly vile experience... but damn if this isn't the best cheese you've ever eaten.

As the maggots hit your stomach, they die and are instantly returned to heaven, forming a neat pile nearby.

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>>5160577
You walk upstream until you find a massive cow and a humongous beehive.

The cow almost looks like it's made of stars; staring too hard at it makes your head swim. The bees in the hive are enormous, almost as tall as your legs.

>>5160610
pat the galactic cow on the side
pet the enormous bees

>>5160610
Ask the enormous bees if they want to go on an adventure

We gotta go find the headchief

>>5160610
Didn't we have Bees before - are any of these ours?

>>5160669
>bees
>enormous heaven bees
looks like different breed to me

>>5160610
A giant cow? Sweet free steak!

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>>5160669
>>5160620
Looks like a standard honey bee. It'd be pretty cool if it was a vulture bee, but alas.

You ask the bee to come with you. It starts following you around.

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>>5160616
Okay.

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>>5160623
You search for God, in both the metaphorical and physical sense.

>>5160927
oh shit, we still have to find God. Fuck. Look at our inquest map for the magical marker.

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>>5160893
You take out your trusty melon baller and extract some cosmic hamburger.

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>>5160938
You consult your magical map and head in the general direction of the Throne.

You come across a small concert. Kurt Cobain is on stage, surrounded by a crowd of disappointed Buddhists.

>>5160954
Ask him who killed him.

>>5160954
We need something to distinguish ourselves from all these generic angels, visually speaking.
Quick, think of a defining character trait!

>>5160926
>>5160927
Christen our bee "Boo" and laugh at the Buddhists, looks like someone lost the faith game!
Ponder the presence of Buddhists in heaven

>>5160954
Find Buddha

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>>5160979
You scoop up some cloud and fashion yourself a swanky new hat.

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>>5160968
The FBI spiked his food with LSD.
You fucking knew it.

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>>5161022
You mock the Buddhists. Where's your sacred cow now, idiots? They inform you that you have the wrong Eastern religion.

The Buddhists are here because they were promised nirvana, but apparently something was lost in translation.

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>>5161226
You look for Buddha, but someone of such spiritual significance isn't just going to be bumming around with the plebs in the lower cloud layer.
You settle for Budai.

>>5161785
Hop on Boo and scout the area from the bird's view

>>5161866
*bee's

>>5161785
Become as plump as Budai. Look how happy he is!

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>>5161866
Even though you can fly, you command Boo to lift you into the sky.
You bump your head on the firmament.

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>>5162411
You use that cosmic hamburger you extracted earlier to make some cosmically delicious sliders, which you gobble down. The sight makes Budai unhappy.

>>5163323
commit seppuku to repent for our fast food sins

>>5163323
Oh no where did our hat go!

>>5163886
the firmament

think REALLY hard

>>5163944
Well we clearly have to beat it up for stealing our hat!

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>>5163886
>>5163944
Your pop-o-matic hat and halo descends from the firmament.

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>>5163615
You stab yourself with your flaming sword (every angel gets one). You reappear, now with 100% less burger in your belly.

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>>5164197
You cogitate until a lightbulb appears.

>>5164331
find a place to screw the lightbulb in
we need to find out how many angels it takes to screw in a lightbulb

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>>5164318
Furious at the loss of your beloved hat, you unleash a flurry of fists upon the firmament.

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>>5164349
As it turns out, the same number that can dance on the head of a pin.

>>5164363
Ask the angels where can we find god

>>5164363
Let's go find this God guy we've been hearing about.

>>5165009
based and godpilled

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>>5165000
>>5165009
The other angels don't know where He is, but one of them knows a guy that knows a guy who might be able to help you out with a little "encouragement".

You're directed to a bar. You casually sidle up to the bartender. "I've heard you've got information on the whereabouts of the Big Guy," you say in a cool, hardboiled manner.

The bartender replies, "M̶̢̩̳̤͕̍͒ḁ̴̻͚̹̔̓͊͝y̶͓̘̫̖̍̄̚b̸̧̦̱̃̊͝ē̸̻̫̘̭̏̎ ̷̟̘̤̰̐̋͠Ĭ̵͍̓͝ͅ ̴̭͂̀̐͛͝d̸͇̪̈́ͅǫ̵̈̄̔́̚,̴̥̥̗̑̿̕ ̵̝̟͚̠̻͒̊͒̑̚p̸̛̮̙̿̌ö̷̧̝͕̏̇̊͛s̸̨̡̠̠̉͋̏t̴̖̭͌͑͜͠͝-̸̼́͛͊͝ͅm̴̢̦̯̟̺̏ǒ̴̧̭̜̀̈́͐r̷͇̩̮̔̐͒ṱ̵͔̮̠̱͛ȃ̸̧̨̱̣͍͛̑̉̈́l̴̡͓͔̻͕͒͆͛͠.̶̛͍͔͚̌̚ ̷̬͓͎̤̂͒͆̉̔M̴͇͍̑̋̏̒̊ͅa̸̱͔̓͐̀́y̷̯̠̗͓̋̒͝b̴̛̬̠́̇̇͂ȩ̶̮̻͋͗̓ ̶̘̮̋͊̚I̴̢̛͕̩̺̒͗͠͝'̶̜͊͆l̸̮͚͎̱̈̆͠l̸̬͛͌̉̓ ̵̱͚͉̌̃̿̆r̵̠̞̒͐e̷̱͛m̴͕̟̭͆̈̈è̵̦̓m̴̱͔̌̌b̷̛̀̊ͅe̸̯̭̋̃̃͋͜͝r̵͙̘̥͕̈́ ̶̨̙̹̩͝i̸̛͖̟͔͋̎̾͠f̵͖̺͗̐ ̶̦̟̈́̐̌ͅy̸͕͐̋͂̀̓ő̷̺̺̇̎̕̕u̸̞̜͑͐̚̕ ̵̐͑̕c̶͔̜̓ȁ̷̭͙̔̍n̴̞̠̐̄̊̈́͘ ̵̼̩͙̤̯͒͛̈́̃̉m̴̧̛̱͔͑͆́͊ă̵̡̜̘͇̐k̸̹̈́̏̈́̕ȩ̸̧̣̺̾͊̚ ̴̢̛͔̜̗͓̋̚͘i̷̮̤̮̣͙̒͋t̸̡͕̚͜.̶̦̭̞̯̔͒̇̈̕.̶̧̠͓͐́͒̾̚͜.̵̦̏̾̈́͝ ̸͚͊ẁ̶̞͎̦̪̰̓͋̆͝o̵̬̘̔̀̽͝r̸̗̣͕̈́͑͒ţ̷̥̈́̽͗h̵̺̀͌̏̒͝ ̵̨̙̤̰̀͊̐̌͘m̴̠̞͊̀̄͝ỳ̴͙̺̜͚̗͗ ̸̹̹̈́̋̐̎̓ŵ̸͖̂̔͝h̵͔͚͊ȉ̵̙͕̈́̀͆l̸̙̼͠ͅe̸̖͚͎̗͊̄͗̚͜͝.̶̨̼̹͌͗̀"

You tip your hat and smirk wolfishly, trying not to bleed out of all your orifices.

What do?

>>5165490
Squeeze our Halo into the lightbulb, let's see if we have a load-bearing Halo.

>>5165490
Stare him in all the eyes and explain we barely started the quest and have nothing to offer, except for bee stings if he doesn't cooperate.

We have a lightbulb

>>5165490
we know how western questern ends

>>5165490
Offer him our fluffy hat

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>>5165788
"B̷͙͗i̷͎̾̾ĝ̶͙̮ ̵̪̍̍w̴̻̪͐h̵̤̔͂o̷͓̿̾ọ̶̺̃p̵̫̾,̵̝̿ ̷͕͙̒͝Ì̸͈͑ͅ ̵̖͆̀k̶͕͋͠n̶̤̭̆̚õ̸̦̻w̵̜͐̚ ̶͕̞̆t̷̬̿h̷̫͊̄ȁ̵̬͓͗ṯ̴̦̿ ̵̪͘t̴̙̀̈́o̵̬̘̾o̵͙̜̽,̵̼̀" the angel says.

"W̷͈̹̱͑̓̐̏̌͜͝ę̰̻̣̞͎̻̟̫̍̈́ͤͯ͐ͫͨ̊ͭş̴̬̥̰͆ͯ̋̈̀̎̓t̴̹͔̭̱̻̰̞ͮ̋͐͆ͩ͢ě̟̺̗̜͊͝ṝ̺͖̬̫̟̊͘͠ṇ̨̪͉͕̙̙͛̀͐̋̋͂͟ ̵͎̓ͨ͆ͭ̒ͪ̾̏Q̣̞̻̐u͓͍͚̭̣͍̺͊̈̊̑͐͗͡ͅe̺̣ͧ̆ͤͨ̐̒ͪs͚̦͚͑͝͝t̛̑̋ͪ̂̑ͪͅ(̭̤ͨ̍̇ͧ̒͞e̩ͮͮ̊͠r̶̮͙̞ͣ̆̽̌ͩ̉̈͑n̺̖̊ͭ̍̾̓ͣ͋̀)̜̗ͨͦ̈͊ ̷̦͎͙͔̺̖͊̋͞w̒ͬ̋̕͞ͅi̧͚̮̙̱̟̳̣̻̠̎́ͩ̍̎͐ͨͬĺ͉̱ͨ́l̶̪͖̓͑̃̉͊ͯͤ ̷̹͍̻̳̗͆̒͒ͭe̴͕̳̩̭̱͗̏̒͋̉̔͒͢ṅ͖̦͈̫͕͔̾͒ͨ͜d̶̠̠̤͖̯̏̐̈̕ w̢̬͈̥͉̙͓̺͉̯̘͙̳̍͗̊̀ͅh̵͖̮̥͈̜͖͇̱̯͖͚̬̳͉̹͔̙͆ͯ͑ͣ̆̿ͭ̽̐̐͐ͭ̀͒̒̽̆́̕͜͜e͇͍͉̯͍̟͎̤̱̳ͬ͒̄̏͡ǹ̴̥̙̱̺͎̫̼͕͈͎̙̼̺̗̩͕͚̼ͩ͒͗͋̐ͧͮ̈́̃̃̂ͮ͒ ̵̵̵̷̸̵̵̷̵̸̵̢̢̨̢̧̧̢̧̨̧̨̢̧̢̢̧̨̨̢̨̢̧̢̛̛̛͕̬̺͓̰̬̠̺͍̘̬̝̫̳̯͈̳͉̥̱̤̝̟̞̘͖̙͙̤̬͕͖͔̯̥̬͔͖̯͎̣͉̙͓͈͙̳͍̠̮͎͉̟̫͎̜̟̤̟̜͈̞̠̳̥̝̖̪̤͚̞͈͙̯͎͓̝̘̙̭̟͖̳̹̩̼̭͉̳͕̠̜̰̺͚͍̪̳̮͕̙̺͍̘̬̝̫̳̯͈̳͙̤̬͕͖͔̯̥̬͔͖̯͎̣͉̙͓͈͙͉̥̱̤̝̟̞̘͖̙̠̳̥̝͈̘̼̬̺̼͕̙̰̝͚͈͉̤̮̬̺̥͇̻̳̱̹̻̩͎̠̩̘͔̼̙̭̣̮̻̳͕̬̺͓̰̬̠̺͙̤̬͕͖͔̯̥̬͔͖̯͎̣͉̙͓͈͙̮̦͍̩̤̯̳͍̠̮͎͉̟̫͎̜̟̤̟̜͈̞̠̳̥̝̗̘̥̭̰͖̟̦̝͇̭̼̙̭̣̮̻̳̃̈͛̆̈̎̌͗̏̏͊͆͐̀̈́͒̈̃̉́̾̄͊̈̒̿̆̇̊͐͐͗̈́̍͊̽̀͑̓̄̾̓͌̾̄͛͛̋͗̂̽͒̆̈̎̌͗̏̃̈͛̆͐̀̐͆͊͗̐͑͌̊̔͒̈́̍̏͋͑̀̋̓͌̾̈̎̌͗̏͊̆̃́̇̎͗̏͆̃̊͂͑̋̽̕̚̕̕̕͘͘̚͜͜͠͠͝͠͝͠͝͠ͅͅͅͅͅͅͅͅ

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>>5165497
>>5165493
You put your halo in the lightbulb and create a light that requires no power.

You pitch your halo-gen bulb to the angel, but the angel refuses to invest in your startup. Philistine.

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>>5165494
You and the angel engage in an intense staring competition.

Under your breath, you say, "Look, buddy. If you're not gonna cooperate, me and my apian friend here will help you... shall we say, get the point. Capisce?"

The angel says, "I̶̖͛͐̿͌̒͊̔̉̉̾́̍̇̕̕͝ ̴̢̤̼̥̹̤̼͇̠̖̫͂̓̒̃͂̕͜d̷̛͖͔̯̪̓̾͋̃̈́̾̽͝ò̵̳̞̦̻̱͔̫̬̪̑̍ͅņ̸̡̖̰̭̝͎͕̭̹̳̬̣͖̘́̋͝'̴̩͇̹̤̫̠͓̀̆̏̈̊̍̿͌͗̋̽̀͛͆̆͌t̷̡̬̹̥̹̭̤̱̹̼̞̙̦̺̄̃̇͐̍̂͌̃̐̓͋̚͜͠ͅ ̷̨̰̗̬̿͛́̔͌͘g̸̨̬̣̤͙̤̓͒e̶̢̨̢͎̼̮̟̝̬̜̹̠͋̈́́̆̕ţ̴̡̱̘̟̩̪̙̱̦̼̠̓͜ ̸̡̜͍͇̦̭̩͖͋͘ͅí̵̡͍̺̰͔̥̟̼͍͖̩͔͎̗̄̊͗̑̒̓̀̏͜͠t̸̨̧̬͉̘̪̠̖̘̟̩̭̜̠͗̓̓̓̾̓̂̇͆̚͝ͅ.̵̨̤̝͔̦͇̘̻̰̻͍̦̜̪̤̻̞̖̟͗̃̊̊́̇̓̊̾̀͋̚͝͝"

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>>5165939
You give the angel your hat. Amazed by its incredibly light, fluffy texture, the angel is willing to give you directions to the Throne.

"H̵̞̐ḛ̸̈́a̵̘̾d̸̨̑ ̴̳̿š̵͜u̶̼͝n̶̟̔-̶̣̆w̸̝̋a̷̛̳r̴̡̔d̶̺̆s̵͔̎ ̸̱̊u̵̞̔n̷̩͐t̸̹́į̶̎l̴̻͋ ̵͑͜ỷ̶̮ő̵̗u̴̳͝-"

You stop the angel and tell it that the Zalgo shit is getting kind of annoying.

"Okay, sorry. Head sun-wards until you reach the domain of Ra, turn left by the Elysian Fields, loop around the three-D, super colossal motion picture, and ascend the stairway until you reach the Holy Kingdom."

>>5166193
>Head sun-wards until you reach the domain of Ra, turn left by the Elysian Fields, loop around the three-D, super colossal motion picture, and ascend the stairway until you reach the Holy Kingdom

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>>5166183
"Not the bees! Aaaaah! My eyes! My eyes! Aaaaah!"

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>>5166194
You head sun-wards for a while.

You come across seven herds of oxen and seven herds of sheep, each numbering fifty head. The cattle are quite fat and handsome, and the sight of the lumbering creatures makes you rather peckish.

In the distance are two female shepherds, looking away. You suppose they won't notice if you burgerize a few of their cows, right?

>>5166198
Have a coomer moment and approach the two female shepherds

>>5166202
this, we gotta make the schmoves on them

>>5166202
This. Go put the moves on the ladies. Walk in with swag and the lightbulb-halo glowing above us.

>>5166198
We took some steak off of that cow earlier we can eat that if we need to, also make another hat.

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>>5166486
You stave off hunger with the last of your cosmic ground beef. My god... you're full of stars!

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>>5166202
>>5166253
>>5166289
You execute your finest chad stride towards the women. They are awed by your unparalleled swagger.

>>5166564
This starburger is the most satisfying thing I've seen all day.
>>5166588
Heavenly hoes put on so much makeup they're glowin' in the sun
>Put the halobulb in our cloud to outshine their light and bust some really damn autistic moves
https://youtu.be/m97WlpsuU74

hello

>>5166670
hello

>>5166588
>Push up advantage with best pick up line ever
"Hey Barbies, I see you are all dolled up. Seeing you gave me endless stars in the stomach; We are a match made in heaven, 'cause I'm all Ken-styled under the hood. Trying to see the big guy to fix this, wanna come to be the first ones getting banged higher than seventh skies?

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>>5166605
You bust a serious move. Your sensual gyrations quake the foundations of heaven as you break it down with the power of a thousand thrusting Michael Jacksons. The raw animal magnetism of your movements unlocks a hitherto unknown emotion in the girls' hearts: that of the power of funk.

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>>5166670

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>>5166787
The women are feeling rather rambunctious after a few centuries of guarding their father's cattle. They decide to accompany you to your destination, bovine responsibilities be damned.

>>5167469
Remove the bulb, it doesn't look nearly as good as I imagined

Were these the Elysian fields, btw?

>>5167469
Good good now
>Gently and lovingly make these two honest women in the eyes of God and live a happy married life raising a family together
>Then proceed on to your quest to be reincarnated because time is meaningless when you're dead

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>>5167672
You marry the two women. It's so beautiful when a family comes together.

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>>5167665
You're still in the domain of Ra.

You continue onwards. Your path is blocked by an enormous dung beetle.

>>5168176
takes the sun and mniaturise it to power the lightbulb

>>5168176
Tell him that Sun isn't a ball of shit and then suggestively point at Pluto's skidmark-covered surface.

fuck pluto

>>5168176
convince the dung beetle to invest in this crazy new crypto you've heard is popping off on earth at this point. It definitely wont burst... right?

>>5168176
>>5168561
Get kicked off Heaven for being one of those NFT peddlers and sent right to Cryptoland

>>5168213
>>5168238
dude wtf is wrong with pluto?

>>5168981
Its surface looks like shit
IWNBAP

>>5168986
rude!

qm, when are you gonna post the next questern thread?

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>>5168213
>>5168561
You convince the dung beetle to drop that outdated old star and invest in your brand new Plutereum tokens. Each one represents a share of real, genuine bullshit!

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>>5168238
The dung beetle buys up the entire Plutereum market cap (turns out he's made a fortune from kopi luwak), giving him exclusive rights to the eponymous planet.

You consider fucking Pluto, but that seems unsanitary.

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>>5168202
With the dung beetle occupied, you take the opportunity to snatch that feisty yellow ball o' plasma for yourself. You attempt to cram it into your lightbulb without success.

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>>5168907
You are suddenly grabbed by two huge enforcer angels.

In a thunderous voice, one of the angels bellows, "YOU ARE DETAINED UNDER THE HOLY AUTHORITY OF THE HEAVENS. YOUR HEAVENLY SALVATION IS FORFEIT BY THE WILL OF THE LORD." Your brain rattles in your skull from the angel's mighty baritone. This is the kind of voice that can shatter glass, and then maybe turn it into vapor.

You sputter out, "Can you use your inside voice?"

"YOUR CHARGE: BEING A CRYPTO BRO. YOUR PUNISHMENT: EXILE TO CRYPTOLAND." That sounds pretty nice, until you realize that any land established by cryptobros would necessarily be located in, let's say, the other place. "MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL."

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>>5170062
You attempt to intimidate the angelic soldiers. The effect is ruined when the hot plasma makes you tear up.

>>5169672
(Sorry, I've been busy and lazy. I'll post it on Sunday.)

>>5170074
Ask them if they're wearing those masks because of insecurity.

>>5170075
Please post the number of posts you're gonna post next time, QM. I don't wanna keep interupting your post drops, lmao.

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>>5170095
You ask the angels why they wear the masks.
"IT IS NOT A MASK," one of them intones.

You wonder out loud if they would die if their masks were removed.
"IT IS NOT A MASK. AND, THAT WOULD BE EXTREMELY PAINFUL. FOR YOU."

You ask what the point of the mask is. Are they failing all their classes, or can they never get off their mattress?
The angel doesn't respond, and instead prepares to execute a slam dunk of righteous vengeance.

>>5170095
(I respond to any and all commands, so interrupting the updates doesn't matter to me.)

>>5170519
Stab his hand and cut off his mask with our flaming sword (every angel gets one).

Hey, maybe we can try to grab onto something? If we're going to the other side, then we're going to pass through earth.

>>5170519
>Use our amazing hat to bounce back from the other place to heaven after the slam. Grab a pet imp on the way up.

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Words I learned in this thread: firmament, apian

>>5170519
>Get extremely jealous of these suave, stonefaced hustlers, and seek out plastic surgery to give ourself a similarly handsome, chiseled, and mysterious visage. Maybe some cool fake biceps, too. God will be impressed, probably.
(After >>5170525)

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>>5170519
>>5170525 here, I second >>5171735, as these quests severely lack in facial customization department.

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>>5170532
While plummeting towards Earth, you take the opportunity to touch grass.

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>>5171279
You land in the darkest depths of inferno. Fortunately, your incredible pop-o-matic hat allows you to harness that gravitational momentum and translate it upwards-wise.

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>>5170525
Whoosh! You pop out from the clouds right into the enforcers' faces. With a snicker-snack, you slice those ugly mugs right off their heads!

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>>5171735
You are suddenly stricken with a crippling case of body dysmorphia. You decide to get a face lift and some synthol injections - can't be losing the ladies to these enforcer dweebs.

>>5173694
Rip the wings off the nearby baby cherub to trigger god's tears and wrath

>>5173694
ask our incubus-looking fella what we should do next

Use the distraction time to proceed with finding god.

>>5173694
Let's get outta here and onto finding God, also can't forget our shepherd babes.

>>5173694
Make sure people buy crypto, it's what the twins would have wanted.

>>5173694
Evade the FUD as they attack in droves.

>>5174203
Better. Find the twins, and ask them about advice about how to rule the financial world once reincarnated.

>>5173694
Okay QM, you made your point about facial changes.
>Go back to hell

>>5173694
Grab your face-pumped brother.

Do some science shit.

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>>5174203
You make a call and utter the fateful words – “Doomp it.” Across the world, millions of wageslaves have their hope dashed over the rocks of destiny.

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>>5173781
You are overwhelmed with bloodlust. You ignore the tiny demon dude you grabbed earlier and instead jump at a nearby cherub.
The cherub swipes one of its mighty lion paws at you, tearing the Botox right out of your face.

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>>5174300
You jump up and down, but you aren’t strong enough to pierce the heavenly veil by yourself.

>>5176002
WELL FUCK
>Locate the Elysian Fields and turn left!

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>>5173836
>>5174194
>>5174201
>>5176009
You continue onward. Your companions inform you that the Elysian Fields should be just past the great city of Bogdangrad, Astral Plane branch.

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>>5174229
As walk past the city, you hear a clamor in the distance. You squint and see a rapidly-approaching horde of angels. They look furious - it's all of the wagies brought to seppuku by the Bog, rushing towards the walls of Bogdangrad in a last ditch attempt to raid the twins' mighty crypto vault and achieve their vengeance!

If you get caught in that mob, you'll most certainly be trampled, so you rush to the gates of Bogdangrad and beg to be let in. The gates open and you rush into the safety of the heavenly megalopolis, just in time for the crowd of angels to slam into the walls. Dust shakes from the rafters as they assault the city's defenses, but the walls hold... for now.

>>5176032
Meet with the twins to devise a plan and slay the angels. No respawns this time.
https://youtu.be/Ozb-QpcTU2o

>>5176032
Electrify the fences

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>>5174235
You seek the court of the brothers. Their powerful otherworldly presence makes you fall to your knees. You feel the weight of a thousand bitcoins pushing down upon your soul.

"Great ones," you say, voice shaking with trepidation. “I beseech your counsel in matters most fungible.”

The twins speak as one, their voices forming a mighty harmony that shakes the walls of the throne room. “Puny post-mortal. You truly believe you deserve an insight into our plans?” They laugh. The noise sends electricity down your spine. “Your misplaced courage entertains us. For that, we shall grant you a boon. Name your request.”

>>5176075
A gun. That can kill the god of heaven.

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>>5174973
You ask for some science shit.

One of the twins hands you a vial of Bogdabots. "These nanobots shall serve you well, small one. Use them wisely."

You thank the twins, then after a moment's hesitation, you ask how you're supposed to use the Bogdabots.
"You will know in due time."
You decide not to push forward on the matter.

>>5176088
Can they turn into a gun?

>>5176075
and pet the doge!

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>>5176048
>>5176061
You tell the twins about the mob of angry wagies storming the walls. You suggest lighting 'em up with a few thousand volts.

"Do you believe we, the Bogdanoffs, are unaware of their presence?" The two brothers smirk in unison. "We could make them vanish with a wave of a hand. It is by our will, and our grand machinations, that they exist in this realm, and assault our domain as they do. They are merely pawns in our plan."
The Bogs' faces return to a neutral expression. "You would do well to remember, puny one, that you are our pawn as well."

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>>5176087
>>5176092
You ask them for a gun. "You will find that we have provided you with everything you need," they intone.

You have an idea. You mentally command the Bogdabots to become a gun, and they transform into a menacing double-barreled shotgun. You can feel power radiating from this weapon... the power to kill a god.

>>5176123
Transform it into a Taurus Judge loaded with shotgun shells for the sake of concealment and go commit mass self-defence on the angel aggressors

>>5176123
Before leaving the Bog Barrier, ask for free cryptocoins

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>>5176096

>>5176141
saved

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>>5176130
>>5176139
The Bogs provide you with a pocketful of bitcoin for your troubles.

You jump out of the gates of Bogdangrad. Taking the crowd of angels by surprise, you unload your shotpistol upon the mob. To their shock, the felled angels don’t reappear! The diminished group of wagies quickly retreats.

You notice that your gun feels a little lighter… maybe you should avoid shooting away all your Bogdabots until you really need to.

>>5176167
Or transform it into a blade!
Regardless, time get to the Elysian Fields.

>Get back our impish pet that disapeared after wagies attack.

>>5176233
And give him a lil snacc

>>5176233
and our lesbians too

>>5176347
Maybe we should make a stop at Mormonland to turn them into waifus

>>5176233
+1
Western Quest(ern) when

>>5176167
Collect up the shot Bogdabots and mush them back into the clump

Everything alright, QM? Your schedule got pretty chaotic lately.

>>5177456
>>5176707
(I'm fine, just busy. I'll get a Western update out today too.)

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>>5177126
The Bogdabullets are gone, as if they evaporated into thin air.

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>>5176233
>>5176304
>>5176347
He and the two sisters were always following you around just off-camera.

>>5178612
take photos with the yuri squad

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>>5176194
>>5176520
You continue towards the Elysian Fields.

You come across a river surrounded by a grove of cypress trees. You could just fly over it, but you've been walking for a while and you could use a drink and a soak.

>>5178619
get on that raft with the sheep and foxes on it going back and forth
also get more syringes for damage

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>>5176520
The planet Kolob is pretty far from here, but maybe if you have time you can buy a spaceship ticket to the Telestial Kingdom.

>>5178619
...turn left?

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>>5178614
"First, let us take a selfie." ~ James 1:24

>>5176167
Merge with the Bogdabots, become a Bodaborg.

>>5178644
I'll be honest, I'm just a sucker for the special effects like their lights or nanobot purple. That's why I wanted a head change, lmao.

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>>5178635
To your left is a deep, dark cave. Poppy flowers dot the entrance. You can barely see through the impenetrable gloom, but you can faintly hear the sound of someone snoring within.

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>>5178623
You spot a small boat on the shore of the river. You could cross it, but first you have to move your wolf, goat, and cabbage across without any of them eating each other. You rack your brain, but you simply can't comprehend this devilish puzzle. You conclude that it is simply impossible.

You also get a speed ball and some roid rage. Combined with the synthol you had earlier, you get spun. Unfortunately, this does not help you figure out the puzzle.

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>>5178645
You command the nanobots to become an awesome suit of powered armor. There's not enough of them, though, so you just end up looking like a dork in a cheap Halloween mask.

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>>5178650
You try doing the lightbulb halo thing again. This time you try to get the cloud hat to give off a nice muted glow.

>>5178664
Ah fuck, okay.
>>5178679
Cook the goat with our sword, use nanobots as plates and have a dinner with our autistic wolf before making it across the river.
>>5178692
We'll get there one day.

>>5178664
Enter in the cave. Mix some poppy into opium with the Bogdabots, to make sure what's sellping won't wake up

We should remember to save enough bogdabots to achieve armstrong strength in the final fight.

>>5178679
use a hint coin

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>>5178704
You use your Fire Aspect sword to save on charcoal.

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>>5178746

>>5179264
Light the Bonfire with our Halo Ring
>>5179265
Pan the camera around to find the second coin.

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>>5178716
You turn your Bogdabots into a snazzy opium pipe, in case you need to topple the Qing Dynasty.

You enter the cave.
You see a sleeping man, whose drool forms the lazily meandering river you saw outside. He seems comfortable, if the cacophonous snoring is any indication.
Nearby is a woman sitting in a gamer chair and playing Mafia 3. She shows no reaction to your presence.

Tell her mafia 3 sucks and that 2 was better

>>5179275
Puff a fat snooter of opium and crawl into bed with homie. Looks comfortable. Maybe God will come to us in dreams? Maybe his gamer gf will come give both of us sloppy toppy?

>>5179291
sounds gay, i'd rather not

>>5179265
>Play as a different Angel

>>5179291
What the fuck, no.

>>5179310
>>5179329
Look, I'm just focused on the mission, here.

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>>5179335
Like hell you are. We're supposed to turn left by the Elysian Fields, loop around the three-D, super colossal motion picture, and ascend the stairway until we reach the Holy Kingdom.

>>5179275
put the sleeping guy’s hand into a bowl of water

>Christen the Imp Omp
>Check if the Bee Boo and the Imp Omp are a getting along

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>>5179271
From the light of a bonfire, you find a hint coin in the overflowing garbage.

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>>5179279
You approach the woman, but are repelled by an unmistakable odor... one produced by someone who doesn't want to go to the bathroom.

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>>5179291
You chill in your bro's bed, no homo.

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>>5179417
You perform a social experiment.
Outside, the river Lethe becomes a yellowish color.

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>>5179516
You forgot that these two were following you around. They seem to be diametrically opposed.

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>>5179313
You are now these two guys.

You have been tasked by the Almighty to capture the rogue angel, who has been wandering the Heavenly Plane causing chaos wherever he goes. His cryptographic antics have earned him a spot in the ninth hell with the Betrayer himself. He was last spotted leaving Bogdangrad with a strange new weapon... you are His most powerful soldiers, but there's no telling what eldritch magics this man has accepted from the Bogs. He's on a direct route to the Holy Kingdom, so you suspect he'll be near the Elysian Fields by now.

>>5182136
>Go to the 3D and track back toward elysian fields
>Wish you weren't genderless so you could go full homo on each other.

>>5182131
leave the cave and turn left?

Go somewhere

>>5182136
Adopt Gender, try and tempt the rogue

>>5182136
Merge into one supermechaangellord

>>5182136
Challenge them to a dance off

>>5182136
think moderately hard

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>>5182453
The two of you perform the fusion dance and combine into one big angel, coincidentally making yourself easier to draw.

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>>5182298
You (not the enforcer angels) leave the cave and turn left, thereby finding yourself in the Elysian Fields proper.

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>>5182197
>>5182368
You (the enforcer angels) backtrack from the three-D, super colossal motion picture all the way through the Elysian Fields, until you reach the cave of Hypnos. Just outside, you see the rogue angel standing dumbly.

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>>5182378
>>5182578
You and the rogue angel have an intense staredown.

You attempt to seduce the post-mortal into coming of his own free will.
"THIS VESSEL POSSESSES REPRODUCTIVE CAPABILITIES. SUBMIT AND YOU WILL BE IMPLANTED WITH A PARASITIC NEONATAL ENTITY."
You think he's going for it.

Just to drive in the nail further, you pull off your sexiest dance move, the Scarecrow. It's performed by standing stock still and intimidating your foe with your angelic might. This guy definitely won't be able to resist.

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>>5182580
The rogue angel tries to make a move on you, so you beat the snot out of him. Then you crouch over his broken body and gloat that he should have reconsidered challenging an enforcer of God.
"I was just pulling out my wallet..." the angel mumbles weakly.

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>>5183245
Perform 4 heavy attacks on the Slaneesh-infected Enforcer, then steal his Flaming Sword +2 while he's staggered.
Upgrade it with Nanomashines of War.

>>5183245
Use the bee, the imp, and the lesbians to attack the angel from behind.

>>5183284
No, put the Nanobots on yourself and punch them really hard.

>>5183303
We need to keep some Bogdabots for the big guy himself. Can we stop wasting them?

>>5183303
>No
You have no power over my ideas

>>5183245
realize that we missed making a reference by telling the woman in the cave that she was “shitting herself and needed to go to the bathroom now”

Do it with pinkies up

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>>5183302
You give the signal, and your companions strike the enforcer in a surprise attack! He's taken off guard just long enough for you to rush in...

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>>5183284
>>5183405
Your nanobot sword (wielded like a sir) slashes through the enforcer angel, dealing a mortal wound! The gigantic humanoid groans, falling to one knee. Sputters out its last breath, then collapses. You have defeated the enforcer angel!

You loot its body. You acquire a very large flaming sword, several thousand runes, a Twin Humanities, a bulging bag of sen, and a handful of blood echoes. Also, the enforcer angel's wallet, which contains $20.

You used up a few more nanobots with that strike, but you've still got plenty.

>>5183391
>>5183303
You realize you missed a reference and are about to punch yourself before you remember to put away the Bogdabots.

>>5186356
>Pocket the cash and see if the wallet has enforcer's ID.
>Use nanobots to pull up the holographic upgrade tree.

Do we actually have to conserve nanobots? I thought this was just filler quest with flavor, but it's starting to sound more and more like serious business despite all the chaos.

Find a giant robot suit

Proceed toward the next plot objective; the stuff we have to circle thrice

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>>5186363
You find both of the enforcer angels' enforcing licenses.
Unfortunately, you have no skill points to spend.

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>>5186367
It's no giant robot suit, but you strip the defeated enforcer of its armor. There's nothing inside, which is a little creepy, but also makes it much easier to wear than if you had to clean out the guts and shit of a dead body.

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>>5186469
You continue along the border of the Elysian Fields.

You enter a great hall filled with drunken einherjar. The riotous clamor of beer-soaked violence fills the room, the sounds of fists on flesh and mugs on wood echoing all around you. On several occasions you have to duck underneath a guy getting thrown across the room.

>>5188404
Steal helmets for lesbians, bee and Imp

>>5188404
>Wait till all the dwarves fall asleep from alcohol
>Find the big 3D motion picture

>>5188404
engage in a pissing contest

>>5189002
And splash the opponents and onlookers

>>5188404
Sing a great ballard of all your mighty deeds.

qm?

>>5191051
Still kicking. I will definitely have more time to update about a week from now, but until then you'll have to put up with a sluggish schedule.

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>>5188667
You wait around for the vikings to drink themselves into a stupor, but these guys can really hold their alcohol. They can also hold their vikings, which is demonstrated when a viking holding another viking throws the viking into you. Yikes!(ing)

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>>5188625
Annoyed by the intrusion into your personal space, you confiscate the drunken warrior's helm.

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>>5189002
>>5189051
>>5189851
You let loose a mighty torrent of urine while belting out a rousing cantata. The einherjar don't seem to appreciate your musical talent.

>>5191733
>Set the nanobots to play Danger Zone
>Attempt to kick the living shit out of the entire army of beerthirsty, sleepless vikings
This is a certified retard moment

>>5191722
Would be nice if you kept us informed on potential breaks, QM. Silence usually just means flaking and makes players worried.

>>5191727
use the helmet as cup for wine

>>5191755
do that thing
you know, that thing, that everyone knows us for
that one

>>5191758
manslaughter?

>>5191733
Clean up your pee and apologize to the motley vikings

>>5191733
Start a bar fight!

>>5191762
ofc
>>5191809
A fight with a real bar of tungsten? I can’t believe it. Remember that it takes one less damage from attacks than normal though.

Recruit a warband of the Viking dead and seize control of the afterlife

qm?

>>5191733
>attempt to convince the einherjar that pissing on them was actually your people's way of blessing them with battle success

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>>5191722
>6 days ago

OP has ascended to heaven. Press F

>>5197537
>>5197543
>QM post 6 days ago "wait for 7 days"
>Board press F like we're Easter in 33 at Jerusalem

>>5197559
Je said he should be back more or less after a week, so I'm not saying it's over just yet, merely entering the panic mode.

This is QM's mother, he wanted me to tell you all that he is dead from car crash, and will no longer be writing for you smelly fucks P.S. take a shower with soap

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I'm not dead, but I'm very busy. So busy, in fact, that I don't have time to draw more than this one panel. But I can promise you that daily updates for both Western and Angel Quest(s) will resume on Friday, barring unexpected cessation of existence.

>>5191809

>>5197765
ew a tranny

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>>5191746
>>5191758
>>5191762
You punch a lump of tungsten sitting on the ground. The physical exertion unlocks something in your long-neglected muscles... You feel the invigorating headiness of a massive testosterone rush!

You immediately jump into the crowd of einherjar and start swinging your fists in all directions, walloping vikings left and right. Pretty soon, you're embroiled in a chaotic bar brawl.

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>>5191755
You show your contempt for these historically inaccurate helmets by using one as a wine goblet.

>>5199643
pull your body and soul inside out

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>>5191763
>>5197162
The cool, crisp wine brings you back to your senses and reminds you of your mission.

You cry out, "STOP!" Your commanding voice makes the roughhousing einherjar pause mid-battle. As the vikings stare in confusion, you take the opportunity to make amends.

"Gentlemen," you proclaim. "As a fellow member of the Astral Planes, I too understand the desire for an impetus, a force that puts us in motion. The life of a holy spirit such as us is ruled by idleness; our post-mortal essences can only conceive of a purpose with which to strive for. But it cannot come from this! Our dignity, our courtesy, nay, our very pneuma cannot be sullied by the crude violence that has overtaken us on this cold, cruel day."

You lower your head solemnly. "I have made a grave mistake, gentlemen. You may remember the incident in which I micturated upon one of your kind. Gallant einherjar, I beseech thee, forgive my blunder! I meant no harm - you see, I come from a part of the heavens most distant, and in my culture, releasing your bladder upon another is a good luck charm, a sort of blessing for auspicious fortunes. The puddle of fetid liquid before you is the result of a mere faux pas. I beg of you, my peers, forgive my impropriety!"

Now, you deliver the coup de grace, the trenchant dagger into the hearts of these fine men. "Truly, I hope you all see the terrible machinations that have driven us to riot, the dangerous poison that turns men into murderers - the berserking bloodlust that can only come from violence, both receiving and giving. In my heart of hearts, I beg of you - cease this barbarity! In time, we shall all recognize the enormities which this incident has caused us... and I shall pray for our Master Above to have forgiveness upon my soul for instigating this awful development."

The vikings all kind of stare at you weirdly. You're not sure if your poignant speech struck them silent with emotion, or if they just didn't understand half the words you said.

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>>5192520
The einherjar are convinced. They throw away their battle equipment and renounce violence for good. Accompanied by a merry group of pacified Scandinavians, you continue onward.

You arrive at a massive cinema. Hundreds of billions of trapped souls sit in front of massive screens, rooted to their seats by a supernatural electronic ribbon that vibrates in a standing wave. The images shown on the screens continuously implant their memories with false information which has to do with God, the Devil, space opera, etcetera.

It's pretty gruesome, but you expected a little more, considering the entry fee was about $6,500.

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>>5199657
You would do that, if you had a body to be pulled inside out of.

>>5199662
this is why we miss you and bug you when you leave for more than a day
>>5199677
Search the floors for sticky spirit popcorn and transcendentalism

Stop the film and start an heart-full theatrical representation staring vikings, lesbians, Imp and Bee and whoever I might forget

>>5199677
Naroto run around the 3D thing, thrice.
Put a copy of Redline into the projector thingy to show those masses' a criminally underrated gem.
Refuse to elaborate further.
Leave?

QM I just wanna say, this is the most charming and entertaining thread I've read on here for years. The simple art and funny spins on things give me a huge smile. I've been following this thread for a while and will continue to do so, thank you for the good time :)
Hope you have a nice day

>>5200013
Are you a lurker anon?

>>5200018
Yeah. Been on the board for 4 years, not much but I always rather read around than post. This thread just made me really happy so I had to post in it, QM has another thread but I've been following this one more closely, it's very immersive. The art reminds me of old internet and I'm all for that. I'm not very creative so I don't participate in any quests myself but it's always great what regular QMs and new QMs can come up with. Very comfortable board to read through and spend time in

>>5200029
Wait not 4, I'm dumb. Kinda less but don't exactly remember, time really flies. Been a very long time though still. I hope QM is doing alright

>>5200029
>>5200036
That's interesting, thanks for sharing anon! Wouldn't consider myself a creative either, I only follow the quest's goal/s or inject personal likes or things I saw in various types of media and would like to see QM draw. Been here only for slightly over a year.