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You are the Dark knight, born in the witching hour, in the heart of winter, on the shortest day, during a lunar eclipse, in a dark hovel, in the darkest forest, to the cruellest mother, and the evilest father. Over the days of your horrifically long life, you have become so evil, so twisted, and so wicked that there is no way anyone could ever self insert as you. So, in an attempt to make you relatable enough to get this quest a few players, its best that your name is chosen by the players themselves.

Your name is…

>Sunny
>Ichabod
>Brom
>write in (+1 story point)

Odysseus, because you have a luck about as good as his

>>5014914
+1

>>5014911
We better fuck that ghost girl by the end... HikkiQM?

>>5014912
Bobby

>>5014912
>Scunny

>>5014911
>ghost girl with a shelf ass
unf

>>5014914
+1.

>>5014914
+1

>>5014911
Nice job with the names from the headless horseman.
Also why did you give the ghost a Pixar dumptruck?

>>5014912
>>Sunny

>>5014914
Support

>>5014912
>>5014914
Absolutely support

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Odysseus, yes, that is your name, very marketable, very good. Well, Its’ just about time for you to burst out of your coffin and face the day. Its a very important day indeed, because its the first day of the mo- GREAT LUCIFER'S GHOST! Its the second already? You slept in! Your lairmate was supposed to wake you damn it. Ugggh, what a terrible start to a very high profile quest. To make matters worse, you are feeling terrible. Not the good terrible either, the bad terrible. You have a horrible SPLITTING headache. How Wonderfully terrible, but not for you, for me.

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With a hop, skip, and a tumble, you make your way to your decrepit bathroom and give yourself a look over. Ah yes, there he is, the motherfucker responsible for all your problems. Something feels off however. You are not sure what, but there is definitely something missing. You check your body and yes, the spiders and lice are all there. Damn, if only you could think straight.

>what do?
- Look around your room, maybe it will jog your memory
- Barge into your Lairmates dungeon and allow them to assist you
- Punch the mirror, figuratively assaulting yourself.
- Write in (1 story point required)
- Realize your head is missing (5 story points required)

>>5014969
- Look around your room, maybe it will jog your memory

>>5014969
>Barge into your Lairmates dungeon and "allow" them to assist you
CONSCRIPTION POINT GO GO GO

>>5014969
>- Barge into your Lairmates dungeon and allow them to assist you

>>5014969
>- Punch the mirror, figuratively assaulting yourself.

>>5014969
- Barge into your Lairmates dungeon and allow them to assist you
what's up ya wankas

>>5014969
- Barge into your Lairmates dungeon and allow them to assist you

>>5014969
>Barge into your Lairmates dungeon and allow them to assist you

And then we extract our fiery brimstone retribution on them for being the worst alarm clock ever.

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You consider giving your room a look over, and maybe even assaulting your grand mirror, but it is only the passing fancy of a very unfancy gentleman such as yourself. Good thing too, because the [Evil Mirror]’s got hands and whenever you are ready to throw down i'll be waiting for you to step into the octagon. I'll toss you all over this room like your horrible fat mother tossed you on your head as a baby.

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Instead you kick down your Lairmates door and barge right in. The [Sorceress] gives you a look like she has no idea who you are, but then smiles when she remembers. She now looks very pleased to see you.

“Your Darkness, to what do I owe the pleasure of your bleak company?”

You have no time for horribleries and immediately accuse her of doing something to mess with you. You don’t have any evidence, and can’t think of any motive, but you didn't become the [Black Knight] by following due process. You ready your good slapping gloves, and give her the count to five to come clean.

She gives you a look over.

“Hmmm… You are coming up a bit short today... Ah!”

She has a look of an epiphany.

“I think I know what ails you my dark lord, and I am willing to tell you. Yet my services don’t come free, perhaps you can solve a problem for me first?”

>What Do?
- You will hear her out. You can appreciate a good leverage play. (+1 story point)
- NO DEAL, you will figure this out yourself (+1 story point)
- Give her rump a good SLAP (FREE ACTION)(-2 [Sorceress] FP)
- Story moving forward WRITE IN
- WRITE IN Banter (+-?? [Sorceress] FP)

when will we get dark fantasy quest again

>>5015048
>- "Is it my legs? I'm pretty sure it's my legs, I heard my knees pop when I was doing squats last night."
>- You will hear her out. You can appreciate a good leverage play. (+1 story point)

>>5015048
- You will hear her out. You can appreciate a good leverage play. (+1 story point)
Fair enough

>>5015048
>- Give her rump a good SLAP (FREE ACTION)(-2 [Sorceress] FP)
>- WRITE IN Banter (+-?? [Sorceress] FP)

Thanks for noticing my haircut babe!

>>5015053
Support

>>5015053
+1

>>5015053
Watch as this become the canon reason as to why we are always stanced up

>>5015091
Arthritis, it strikes when you least expect.

>>5015053
This, also

>Take her boots so you can fix that height problem. They look better on you anyhow.

Art is pretty dang good.

>>5015121
Seems like a good idea since her boots are bigger than ours. Make us taller!

>>5015131
But then her ass won't look as good...

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She noticed it right away, does that mean it’s really obvious? Right under your nose yet you can’t see it. Well, you always were a big picture kind of guy after all. Yet you can’t help but take a guess at it.

“Is it my legs? I'm pretty sure it's my legs, I heard my knees pop when I was doing squats last night.”

She gives you a shrewd smile and flicks the lint off your shoulder. “Come now, no guessing! Will you do it or won’t you? Come on, I reeeeally need the help of my big strong Knight in dark armour.”

Well, you suppose you could at least listen to her request. What's the physically gruesome harm in hearing someone out?

“Well, im brewing up something big, and wouldn’t you know it, I reach for the Jar of scorpion tail and i'm all out! Not a stinger in the lair. I need someone to run on down to the catacombs and fetch me a fresh tail. Not just any scorpion either, I need a GOLDEN scorpion tail. Then I'll help you with your problem.”

Ah, now you get it. She can’t do it herself because the [sorceress] is frienamies with the [Sphinx] and the [Aqrabuamelu]. That's why she is sending you.

>What do?
- Agree, you will confront the [Sphinx] (Riddle based combat)
- Agree, you will confront the [Aqrabuamelu] (Dice based combat)
- Disagree, you are no errand boy (-1 [Sorceress] FP)
- Write in (-1 story point)

>>5015431
>- Agree, you will confront the [Sphinx] (Riddle based combat)

>>5015431
>Agree, you will confront the [Sphinx] (Riddle based combat)

>>5015431
>- Agree, you will confront the [Sphinx] (Riddle based combat)
>- Agree, you will confront the [Aqrabuamelu] (Dice based combat)

Whichever is the hotter one.

> - Give her rump a good SLAP (FREE ACTION)(-2 [Sorceress] FP)

>>5015431
>Agree, you will confront the [Aqrabuamelu] (Dice based combat)
We never really had a head for riddles.

>>5015431
>- Agree, you will confront the [Sphinx] (Riddle based combat)

>new nigger quest

>>5015431
>- Agree, you will confront the [Sphinx] (Riddle based combat

>>5015431
>Agree, you will confront the [Sphinx] (Riddle based combat)
>Coerce her to come with us and properly introduce us to the Sphinx

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Alright, alright, no more goofing around. You accept her request and turn right around. Its been a eon since you have been in the crypt and maybe a sweep through the place will remind everyone who is in charge. Dismembering multiple birds with one jagged stone.

The [Sorceress] blows you a kiss goodbye. "Go get em' tiger."

She seems slightly disappointed. Who knows what a woman is thinking, its best not to dwell on it and push the story forward.

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You arrive in the crypts and everything is very sandy, just like you left it. You walk straight, then turn at the great pyramids until you walk right onto the [Sphinx]. Stopping to see nothing, and refusing to speak with the skeletons. Speed running this quest, no survivors.

The [Sphinx] feels your presence.
"Meaow-wow. Its been a while since you cast a shadow on my door, perhaps you would have better luck when the sun is REALLY low in the sky? The peeeeerfect joke, please enjoy it"

You have no time for banter, you demand to be giv...

"The golden scorpion tail, I know. I'm the [sphinx] after all. If you want it, you got to answer my riddle. But if you fail, ill gobble you up."

>what do?
- You will attempt the trial of the riddle (+1 [Sphinx] FP)
- Fight the [sphinx] instead, this story needs some ACTION (+1 Story points)
- Pet the kitty, pet the kitty (-2 [Sphinx] FP)(FREE ACTION)
- WRITE IN Banter (+-?? [Sphinx] FP)(FREE ACTION)
- Before you decide anything, go see what the [Aqrabuamelu] has to offer. (-1 Story points)
- Write in (-1 Story points)
- Realize your head is missing (5 story points required)

>>5016094
> Ask the Sphinx to step on you

>>5016094
- You will attempt the trial of the riddle (+1 [Sphinx] FP)
What da cat doing

>>5016094
>Pet the kitty, pet the kitty (-2 [Sphinx] FP) (FREE ACTION)
>Fight the [sphinx] after, this story needs some ACTION (+1 Story points)

>>5016094
>You will attempt the trial of the riddle (+1 [Sphinx] FP)
May as well.

>>5016106
+1

>>5016094
>You will attempt the trial of the riddle (+1 [Sphinx] FP)

>>5016094
>- You will attempt the trial of the riddle (+1 [Sphinx] FP)

>>5016106
>>5016137
sounds gay

you should be aiming for the full ankha experience

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"Do-nyaa nyaa, tricking others is TOO EASY. Ok Mister soon to be lunch, lets see if you can solve this one:

I have many forms, because one size doesn't always fit all
Some will love me, some will hate me, some will worship me and some will collect me..."

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...

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"...Those that seek me, sometimes pay a fortune to have me
Yet every new season, you are almost sure to forget me.

What am I?"

>What do?
- Answer
- FIGHT

>>5016178
>Yet every new season, you are almost sure to forget me.
Fucking hell, this is throwing me off.

>>5016196
"Woman" and "pussy" fits all of those except the "every new season" criteria. I think focusing on seasonal things first then everything else second is the way to go.

>>5016179
Anime?

>>5016176
>>5016178
>ANSWER
>"WAIFUS"
Flavor of the month, anyone?

>>5016178
>Whey-eh-fuus?

>>5016179
>Answer
Waifus.

>>5016215
Genius. Supporting waifus as the answer.

>>5016094
- You will attempt the trial of the riddle (+1 [Sphinx] FP)
- Fight the [sphinx] instead, this story needs some ACTION (+1 Story points)
- Pet the kitty, pet the kitty (-2 [Sphinx] FP)(FREE ACTION)

Pet that ass!

>>5016179
>- Answer

Rain. Also could be snow.

>- Pet the kitty, pet the kitty (-2 [Sphinx] FP)(FREE ACTION)
> - Give her rump a good SLAP

>>5016231
You can't pay for rain. You can splurge for your waifu in many ways.

>>5016179
Waifus makes sense, FOTMs are a sad fact.

>>5016179
Waifus. Just draw porn already you retarded QM

>>5016233
My first choice was water, but you don't forget water in a season. Hence the rain.

>>5016263
But you don't pay for water, though. And rain doesn't fit people, so the phrase 'one size doesn't always fits all' wouldn't work.

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>>5016265
You give her your answer: "a Waifu"

...

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"Huh? You're still here? Oh! Yeah you got it. The life of a waifu is glamorous but short lived. So easily forgotten."

Now that you have slew this pussy, you obviously want to get your scorpion. Unfortunately, your mummy is in another tomb. The Sphinx gives you a voucher for one free Golden scorpion to be redeemed at the [Aqrabuamelu] shop.

"Of course the [Aqrabuamelu] would have the scorpion? Wasn't it obvious?"

>what do
- Get mad, a voucher was NOT part of the deal. you demand recompense (specify) (-1 Story points)
- Go see what the [Aqrabuamelu] has to offer. (+1 Story points)
- Pet the kitty, pet the kitty (-2 [Sphinx] FP)(FREE ACTION)
- WRITE IN Banter (+-?? [Sphinx] FP)(FREE ACTION)
- Realize your head is missing (5 story points required)

>>5016278
- Pet the kitty, pet the kitty (-2 [Sphinx] FP)(FREE ACTION)

>>5016278
>- Grumble a bit.
>- Pet the kitty, pet the kitty (-2 [Sphinx] FP)(FREE ACTION)
>- Get the hell out of there when she realizes what we're doing.

>>5016278
>- Get mad, a voucher was NOT part of the deal. you demand recompense (her pussy) (-1 Story points)
>- Go see what the [Aqrabuamelu] has to offer. (+1 Story points)
>- Pet the kitty, pet the kitty (-2 [Sphinx] FP)(FREE ACTION)

>>5016265
You pay for water in the desert, anon. Water isn't a retarded answer, you're lucky this is a coomer quest so the waifu answer makes sense.

>>5016286
People don't pay for rain, fool. For water, but not for rain. And you don't forget water on every season.
>>5016278
- Go see what the [Aqrabuamelu] has to offer. (+1 Story points)

>>5016278
Fooqin ell.
>Go see what the [Aqrabuamelu] has to offer. (+1 Story points)
I don't know what FP means but I could only assume it refers to favour.

>>5016278
>Go see what the [Aqrabuamelu] has to offer. (+1 Story points)
I'd recommend drop kicking her but... stroy pants broz...

>>5016289
But people do pray for rain, and pay for water. And you forget about rain for a season, you dumb coomer.

>>5016306
I said pay, not pray. You don't pay for rain. You pay for water. You can't have two answers.

>>5016314
Then water is the better answer than rain, as you can't have rain without water.

>>5016316
But you don't forget water on the next season.

>>5016278
>- Get mad, a voucher was NOT part of the deal. you demand recompense (her pussy) (-1 Story points)
>- Go see what the [Aqrabuamelu] has to offer. (+1 Story points)
>- Pet the kitty, pet the kitty (-2 [Sphinx] FP)(FREE ACTION)

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You pet the kitty, she hates it and you lose any chances of any kind of positive relationship with the [Sphynix]. In the future you should spend more time concentrating on the narrative plot of this quest and stop trying to go off the grid and persuing waifus.

Now, you turn yourself around and get back into gear. We have the mcguffin that will allow us to get the scorpion from the [Aqrabuamelu].

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You low tail it over the pyramid and across the river to the spot where the [Sorceress] told you to find the [Aqrabuamelu]. Yet she is nowhere to be seen. A sudden shifting below your feet betrays an ambush, so you draw your black blade of despair hopekiller. As you do, a giant scorpion bursts from the sand!

"WHO HAS ENTERED MY KINGDOM? SPEAK OR FACE DEATH!" it shrieks!

>What do?
- Assert dominance, FIGHT! (+1 story point)
- Present voucher
- Rub the scorpion pecs (-2 [Aqrabuamelu] FP)(FREE ACTION)
- WRITE IN Banter (+-?? [Aqrabuamelu] FP)(FREE ACTION)
- Realize your head is missing (5 story points required)

>>5016441
>Banter: "Damn, woman, you've got the biggest pair of claws I've ever laid eyes upon."
>Assert dominance, FIGHT! (+1 story point)
The joke, of course, is that we have no eyes.

>>5016441
>DRAMATIC POSE
>Present voucher
>I DARE TO ENTER

>>5016441
>Assert dominance, FIGHT! (+1 story point)

>>5016441
>- Assert dominance, FIGHT! (+1 story point)
>- Present voucher
>- Rub the scorpion pecs (-2 [Aqrabuamelu] FP)(FREE ACTION)

>>5016441
>Banter: "Damn, woman, you've got the biggest pair of claws I've ever laid eyes upon."
>Assert dominance, FIGHT! (+1 story point)
>Present voucher AFTER we win

Welcome back, Sojourner

>>5016501
Shhh, you'll scare him away.

>>5016501
+1

>>5016440
>she hates it and you lose any chances of any kind of positive relationship with the [Sphynix]. In the future you should spend more time concentrating on the narrative plot of this quest and stop trying to go off the grid and persuing waifus
>(the picture shows her liking it and +1 FP)
You fucking lying cunt. I hate you more with every post

>>5016441
>Banter: "Damn, woman, you've got the biggest pair of claws I've ever laid eyes upon."
>Assert dominance, FIGHT! (+1 story point)
>Present voucher AFTER we win
Let's rock. This quest is still fun though

>>5016691
This. What the fuck is wrong with you OP?

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Ok, real talk, those are the biggest claws you have ever seen. You feel a tingle at the tip of your sword just thinking about the coming kerfuffle. You can't help but attempt to articulate how big they are with words of praise, snappers like those deserve to be mounted on a wall somewhere. You don't get hellhounds like those by sitting infront of the TV.

"Damn, woman, you've got the biggest pair of claws I've ever laid eyes upon."

"ALL THE BETTER TO SNIPPITY SNIP ALL PRETENDERS TO THE THRONE OF THE SHIFTING SANDS!!! WILL YOU KNEEL?"

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You would have to be a madman to refuse a massive and powerful creature such as the [Aqrabuamelu], very few men have lived to tell of such tales. Its just that you have been doing a lot of squats lately and it has left a rather nasty cramp in your leg. So kneeling is out of the question today.

"YOU HAVE ELECTED THE PATH OF DISMEMBERMENT"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM

The [Aqrabuamelu] takes a POWER STANCE and gives you a great view of the sun rising above the great dunes of Giza. Then ATTACKS!

>ROLL a 1d20 for combat!

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>5016906
She might just be the one kneeling when we're done

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>5016910

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>5016906
Watch this bitch crit.

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>5016923

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>5016906
Come on baby

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>5016929

>>5016929
Oooooo
>>5016931
NONONONO AHAHAHHAA GOTTEM

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>5016937
>>5016929
>>5016931
Sasuga dice gods, I kneel

>>5016939
you there. Stop rolling. Forever

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>5016939
WHY

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>5016939
Why the fuck would you still roll, dumbass

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM

The [Aqrabuamelu] is the type to name her attacks and shout them out as she does them.

"SHIFTING SANDS MIRAGE TECHNIQUE!"

The [Aqrabuamelu]'s explosion of speed takes you by surprise! The sand obeys her direction and its as if she is hydroplaning on top of it! She moves so quickly that you are surrounded by afterimages! You strike out against her with your wraithsword AngeBane and hit nothing but empty space! You are quickly re-payed for you misstep with a venous stinger into your back!

"LOWER KINGDOM VENOUS STRIKE"

You may be resistant to poison, but it still hurts like a cronefucker as the venom explodes through your body!

You won't make a mistake like that again. You focus and let your wicked blade CorpseMaker help guide your actions! There are many illusions here but there is only ONE real NECK to chop! Like a guided missile you swing your sword right for the [Aqrabuamelu] head!

Unfortunately you are still rusty, its been a while since you did any real battle... The [Aqrabuamelu] is able to absorb your blow by shifting her soft human body and taking the hit on her armoured chitin plating! Its not impervious however, and the vile scorpion blood sprays over your body.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VNECeIUOt0

The spilling of blood triggers you, and you once again find yourself on a battlefield dicing up both Englishmen and American revolutionaries. You never cared which head you severed so long as you were payed and there was carnage to be diced out. You lopped off head after head in your endless quest to paint the world in red.

The [Aqrabuamelu] takes the full brunt of your madness and feels the wrath of your frightful cutlass Mortuarizer. You cut cut cut until she slows down enough for you to climb up onto her back. You raise your sword and ready the final strike!

>what do?
- Claim the [Aqrabuamelu]'s head
- Spare the [Aqrabuamelu] (-1 story point)

>>5016991
>- Spare the [Aqrabuamelu] (-1 story point)
We have shown our dominance. NOW YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WILL KNEEL

>>5016991
>- Spare the [Aqrabuamelu] (-1 story point)

>>5016991
- Spare the [Aqrabuamelu] (-1 story point)

>>5016991
- Spare the [Aqrabuamelu] (-1 story point)
FRIENDSHIP!

>>5016991
>Claim the [Aqrabuamelu]'s head
We gotta fill our evil quota, besides, if we can live without a head she can too.

>>5017081
+1
Finally, someone speaking sense.

>>5016991
Take her hat

>>5016991
Backing >>5017081

>>5016991
>- Spare the [Aqrabuamelu] (-1 story point)

We need minions if we wish to rule, and she’d be a hell of a good enforcer.

>>5016991
>- Spare the [Aqrabuamelu] (-1 story point)

>>5016991
Spare her.

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Its HARD to decide. On one hand, your business has not yet been concluded with the women and on the other the joy of disembowelling. You take a FULL MINUTE to wight your options. The [Aqrabuamelu] waits patiently for you to make up your mind at first, but when she starts to feel up your pecs you decide to just make the call and let her keep her head. However, she must RESPECT your authority, you make that very clear.

"I bequeath my crown to you oh merciful dark lord" She drops her overbearing shouting in exchange for a respectful low tone.

You climb off her back and your midnight blade "MonochromeCutter" weeps at your decision. I on the other hand applaud your decision to allow the quest to keep its PG-13 rating.

"I am thankful that you have spared my life lord, but why have you come here if not to mount my pincers onto your wall?"

You show her your voucher and ask to be given a Golden scorpion.

"Ah! A customer! Why didn't you say so earlier!!!"

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The [Aqrabuamelu] exits stage right and when the camera pans over you see her standing behind a small stall of various goods

"Step right up, step right up! We got the best goods in Cairo. Need a new spear? A statue to the gods? Instant noodles? WE GOT IT!"

Thank you, just the scorpion please.

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"How about this antique vase? Cleopatra's personal chamber pot! Gift from Alexander the Great himself! Its a steal for only THREE HUNDRED GOLD PIECES! I'm basically GIVING IT AWAY at these prices"

We really only need the sco...

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"You're right, the vase? WORTHLESS! I can see you got a good eye. Here we have Count DraKivla's VERY OWN SWORD! Stolen from his castle! imprinted with the screaming souls of one thousand men!"

She uses the sword to slice a tomato in half then presents both sides of the blade

"Wow, such a clean cut, you simply WILL NOT find such quality material on this plane of existence."

>What do
- Buy something (+1 [Aqrabuamelu] FP)
- Just get your scorpion and go (+1 story point)
- WRITE IN Banter (+-?? [Aqrabuamelu] FP)(FREE ACTION)

- Realize your head is missing (5 story points required)
- Write in (-1 story point)

>>5017151
>Banter
"You know, that's a double-edged sword. You should really be setting your MSRP at double, and calling it HALF-OFF."

>Buy a badass cursed amulet or something, and get that scorpion

>>5017153
+1

>>5017153
+1

If we do actually get a necklace etc
"Just put it on over our head and oh huh it fell off clasp must be loose" And just keep fiddling until it stays on

>>5017151
>- Buy something (+1 [Aqrabuamelu] FP)
>- Just get your scorpion and go (+1 story point)

>>5017153
+1

>>5017153
Sounds good to me.

>>5017153
+1

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"You know, that's a double-edged sword. You should really be setting your MSRP at double, and calling it HALF-OFF."

"You WANT SALES? We GOT sales! You look like a man who encounters MANY women! Well right now we have a HALF OFF SALE on this EXQUISITE cursed amulet! Half off? I mean TWO THIRDS OFF!!! Give this to the lady you are SWEET on and she CAN'T SAY NO!"

You get the feeling this will never end so you buy the amulet. Maybe you can give it to a lady you fancy down the road or something, or perhaps wear it yourself? Buying the amulet and slipping the voucher in while you are at it nets you a CURSED AMULET and a GOLDEN SCORPION.

Your quest in the crypt is complete and you can return to the [Sorcerress].

>what do?
- Return to the [Sorcerress] posthaste (+1 story point)
- Write in

>>5017891
>Give her the amulet, then ask her if she wants to hold pincers with you.

Okay, but seriously:
- Return to the [Sorcerress] after thinking about holding pincers with Aqrabuamelu (+1 story point)

>>5017904
Support, and scritch the Sphinx on the way back.

>>5017891

>>5017891
- Return to the [Sorcerress] posthaste (+1 story point)
oke less go

>>5017904
+1

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You spend a moment imagining yourself holding pincers with the [Aqrabuamelu], aaah what a life you could live if only you had the GUTS to ask her out on a date. Oh well, its probably better to just continue the main narrative and put this all behind you. She would have turned you down anyway.

The [Aqrabuamelu] waves you goodbye, completely oblivious to the hyper lewd thoughts you were having.

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You give the [Sphinx] a pet and scratch on your way back. She HATES that! You probably shouldn't do that again!

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Its a bit of a trip back to your lair, but eventually you do manage to ascend the stair case and leave the Egypt theme section of this quest behind you. After stopping to shake all the sand out of your clothing, you enter the [Sorceress]'s workshop. It seems you have unintentionally sneaked up on her. She is working on something that has all her attention.

>what do?
- Deliver the Scorpion as requested and get your reward!
- Give her rump a good SLAP (FREE ACTION)(-2 [Sorceress] FP)
- WRITE IN Banter (+-?? [Sorceress] FP)

>>5018174
>DROPKICK ASS
>Deliver the Scorpion as requested and get your reward!
>Gaslight her into thinking that you didn't just deliver a bone crushing double dropkick

>>5018174
>Trip and plant your face into the SORCERESS' fat ass.
>Equip her as your new head in the same fluid motion.
>Present scorpion and demand cooperation from your newest appendage-acquisition.

>>5018174
>- Deliver the Scorpion as requested and get your reward!
>- WRITE IN Banter (+-?? [Sorceress] FP)
Hey I got some tail just like you asked, attempt eyebrow wiggle, scorpions still attached for extra freshness

>>5018174
>- Deliver the Scorpion as requested and get your reward!
Twas not even a trifle

>>5018174
>Slap her ass to get her attention
Then:
>>5018191
This.

>>5018174
- Deliver the Scorpion as requested and get your reward!
- Give her rump a good SLAP (FREE ACTION)(-2 [Sorceress] FP)

>>5018224
This also works.

>>5018224
Sure.

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You animal, you simply cant control yourself huh? You see two freshly baked buns laid out before you, and you have to slap em. Well, you do it alright. With one swift motion you clap those cheeks.

"Ah~!"

The [Sorceress] turns and gives you a disgusted look. She hates you now for sure. Please try to pay more attention to the suggested narrative prompts.

"Back already my dark knight? I should have know you would make quick work of my little task."

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You give the [Sorceress] her scorpion, and demand the information she was with holding.

"You are missing your head, its gone"

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what?

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By the Spear of Longinus! She's right, you head is GONE again.

>What do?
- FREAK OUT
- Get DEPRESSED
- Take your anger out on the [Sorceress]
- Look for a temporary replacement head
- Write in

>>5018368
>- Take your anger out on the [Sorceress]

>>5018368
>FREAK OUT
Well where could it be?

>>5018368
>FREAK OUT
>"WHAT."

>>5018368
>FREAK OUT
Swear vengeance upon whoever has stolen your head

>>5018368
>FREAK OUT

No Head?.....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

>>5018368
>Freak out and swear vengeance

>>5018364
>The [Sorceress] turns and gives you a disgusted look. She hates you now for sure. Please try to pay more attention to the suggested narrative prompts.
>PICTURES STILL SAY +1 FP
YOU FUCKING LYING BITCH SOJOURNER
YOU WANT US TO GO OFF-RAILS WAIFU-CHASING IN YOUR COCKTEASE FOTM TRASH QUEST
SAME AS ALL YOUR OTHER COCKTEASE FOTM TRASH QUESTS
FUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU

>>5018368
>FREAK OUT
Understandably react by freaking out

>when you go hard on squats so much your head pops off after your knees explode

>>5018368
>- FREAK OUT

>>5018368
>- Take your anger out on the [Sorceress]

>>5018368
>- Take your anger out on the [Sorceress]’s ass

>>5018368
>- FREAK OUT
>Try and remember what happened last time.

>>5018368
>Freak out

>>5018368
- Look for a temporary replacement head
PUMPKIN
- FREAK OUT

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Just stay calm and...

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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aaaaaaaahhhh!

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

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>Ok, now what
- Ride out in search for your head immediately
- Find a replacement head, you cant stand to go outside and be seen headless
- Sulk
- Ask/Demand the [Sorceress] for assistance
- Write in (-1 story point)

>>5018939
- Find a replacement head, you cant stand to go outside and be seen headless
And then
- Ask/Demand the [Sorceress] for assistance

>>5018942
+1

>>5018942
This

>>5018942
+1, but we've got the general location of where our head should be in her lap, using it as a pillow while she comforts us.

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>what do?

>>5019012
Test each of the heads by seeing how each of them feel when we place them on the sorceress's lap.

>>5019012
I got an idea for a write-in, how about a White Cue Ball with the Number 13?

>>5019023
+1
Make sure it crackles

>>5019016
+1

>>5019012
Cursed Helm of Drakness.

>>5019016
+1

>>5019012
Easy. Put the skull into the helmet and mash the pumpkin and put the goo onto it.

>>5019016
Can we also test the White Thirteen Ball?

I think it'd look neat on Odyseus, and a smooth ball might be able to feel thighs better.

>>5019023
+1

>>5019016
>>5019074
Both of these, please. Support +1.

>>5019023
+1 but with a cowboy hat

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Alright we have some options here: The helmet, the Q ball, and the pumpkin. You can't say any of them feel "right" however. Nothing feels as good as wearing ones own head. Yet you have to pick something. You know at some point in this quest you are going to have to toss your own flaming head at someone in dramatic fashion and you don't want to be caught unprepared.

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You ask the [Sorceress] to assist you in testing out your plethora of heads in the way only she can.

"Oh? Does my big malicious man hunter need the help of little old me? Well of course, If its you how could I ever refuse?"

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You feel a wave of force stopping your forward motion and the [Sorceress]'s legs snap shut.

"Actually, now that I think about it, I may know what happened to your head. You see five days ago I had the girls over for a little get together. It was me, the [Vampire], the [Warlock], and the [Mad Hatter]. I distinctly remember the [Vampire] wanted to see your coffin! I had forgotten something on the cauldron and had to step out. Any one of them could have taken it."

Those are some big names, all three of those villains are major players in these parts. They could be using your head as some kind of POWER PLAY to take complete control of the Cursed Wood. They have been trying to usurp each other since you as long as you remember. Its not at all out of the realm of possibility that they may have taken your head. Who else but them would have the POWER to open your coffin in the first place.

Thats three names, you swear on Dick Cheneys decrepit ghost that you will burn this entire forest to the ground if it means being reunited with your head. This bitches have crossed the WRONG dark knight in their endless attempts to one up each other.

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"if you're going out, maybe you can pick some stuff up for me? If you do, I'm sure I can think of a proper reward for you..."

>What wear
- Q ball
- Pumpkin
- Helmet
- Nothing! None of this feels RIGHT!!!

>You plan to RIDE OUT but will you form a posse? (multi vote option)
- Go alone! (+1 story point)
- Bring [Sphinx], she provides tips on PUZZLES (-1 story point)
- Bring [[Aqrabuamelu], she provides bonuses to COMBAT (-1 story point)
- Bring [MYSTERY BOX], she provides ??????? (-1 story point)

>>5019200
>- Nothing! None of this feels RIGHT!!!

>- Bring [Sphinx], she provides tips on PUZZLES (-1 story point)
>- Bring [[Aqrabuamelu], she provides bonuses to COMBAT (-1 story point)
>- Bring [MYSTERY BOX], she provides ??????? (-1 story point)

Let's gooooo!

>>5019200
- Q ball
Trust our gut, cuz we don't have a head to trust.

- Bring [MYSTERY BOX], she provides ??????? (-1 story point)
WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!

>>5019200
>Q Ball
We ballin
>Bring [MYSTERY BOX], she provides ??????? (-1 story point)

>>5019215
+1

>>5019200
>- Q ball
>- Bring [MYSTERY BOX], she provides ??????? (-1 story point)

>>5019200
HEAD OR BUST
CAN'T CHEAT ON WHAT IS UNDOUBTEDLY SET TO BE BEST GIRL
>- Nothing! None of this feels RIGHT!!!
>However you will take the pumpkin to be used as a fireball down the road.
>Bring [MYSTERY BOX], she provides ??????? (-1 story point)

>>5019200
>- Pumpkin
> Carve a very angry face into the Pumpkin using our acursed blade, Widowslayer, before donning it
>Go alone
>Slap Sorc's ass on the way out.

>>5019200
>Slap Sorc's ass on the way out.

>>5019200
>Pumpkin
>- Bring [Sphinx], she provides tips on PUZZLES (-1 story point)
>- Bring [MYSTERY BOX], she provides ??????? (-1 story point)

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As you step out, The [sorceress] gives you a list of things she needs for a potion she would like to brew. It includes a vampire's nail, an enchanted ace of spades, and a demon's skull.

"Think of it as a [side quest] ok? I'll be sure to reward you for all the things you can find. If you find your head early, don't feel like you need to stay out and get everything for me! But I'll be really thankful if you did~<3"

You take the list, but don't promise anything. You need to stay focused on the task at hand.

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-Bring [MYSTERY BOX], she provides ??????? (-1 story point)

Of course you can't go screaming through the woods without your loyal [nightMARE] mount! You head down to the stables and find her already suited up and ready to go.

She gives you a scrutinizing look.

"Lost your head again huh? Nice replacement, you look like a poof."

She doesn't seem to approve of your new head decor.

"I don't look like a poof"

"Yeah you do, real poof like. Its ruining your image, ruining my image. The people are going to call you Q-ball. No insult, just fact."

Well, YOU like it and that's all the matters, probably. The only question is where to go first? The longer someone has your head the WORSE things could get. The one who learns the secrets of your head can learn to CONTROL you!

>[Vampire] Castle
>[Mad Hater]'s House of Cards
>[Warlock]'s cove

>>5019435
>>[Warlock]'s cove
>> RIDE on [nightMARE] cause we aint walkin' like bitch!

>>5019438
+1

>>5019438
+1

Also [sorcess] is cute. CUTE!!!!

>>5019438
+1, have our steed warn us for traps in case there are any

>>5019438
I'd prefer to go to hatter first but otherwise this looks good

>>5019435
Vampire was trying to get into our coffin, but screw it.

>>5019438
Support!

>>5019435
>[Mad Hater]'s House of Cards
I suspect this bitch

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With no time to lose, you jump on the [nightMARE]'s back and you're off!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VNECeIUOt0

The [nightMare] is the fastest horse in the land! With her in your party you can get form [LOCATION] to [LOCATION] in no time at all. She is so fast in fact that there is no [TIME] penalty for doing so.

The two of you race to the [Warlock]'s cove.

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You delve deep into the cove. Its quite, TOO quite. Soon you find a massive obsidian door blocking your path. You can hear someone is talking on the other side. On top of the door read the words "Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate". But since you are not a nerd, you have no idea what they mean.

>what do?
- KICK the door down and start fucking shit up Dark knight style
- Politely knock on the door, you are a marauder not an animal
- Peek in through the window like the pervert we both know you are

>>5019839
>- KICK the door down and start fucking shit up Dark knight style

>>5019839
>- KICK the door down and start fucking shit up Dark knight style
https://youtu.be/RWgyKDfFC_U

>>5019839
>Ask Nightmare what the funny words mean while we peek through the windown

>>5019864
Supporting. Our horse seems like she might be a nerd.

>>5019839
>- KICK the door down and start fucking shit up Dark knight style
GIVE ME BACK MY HEAD

>>5019864
Going with this.

>>5019864
+1

Also we aren't a pervert definitely not we just need to know if there is someone in a state of dist(undr)ess

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You ask the [NightMARE] if she knows what the words means.

"NAY! Don't speak nerd."

The [NightMARE] is 100% horsepower and muscle. No room for brains in that noggin. Perhaps that explains her loyalty. Maybe if you had some kind of Egyptian themed cat with you?

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You peek through the window and spot two imps in a state of undress. Before they could remove each others bra and panties a LOUD NOISE ALERTS THEM TO YOUR PRESENCE.

They spot you peeping!

"Sister! Sister! Look that man is looking at us through the window!"
"Pervert! Pervert! I see him sister!"
"This is bad! This is bad! That's the Horsemen!
"Oh no! Oh no! We are not ready!
"Leave! Leave! Come in through the door!"
"Go now! Go now! We have to prepare!
"Gross! Gross! He is still here!"
"Disgusting! Disgusting! he is undressing me with his eyes!"
"Creep! Creep! He is having lewd thoughts!!!"
"Cheater! Cheater! Come in through the door!"

>what do?
- Come in through the window and instantly defeat the unprepared [Imps] (-4 [Imps] FP)
- Wait for them to prepare, then go in through the door (puzzle based combat)(+4 [Imps] FP)
- Write in (-1 Story Point)

>>5020008
- Wait for them to prepare, then go in through the door (puzzle based combat)(+4 [Imps] FP)
Puzzles are fun.
> he is undressing me with his eyes!"
That would require her to have something to undress first.

>>5020008
>- "Hey, before I head in, what's the words over the door mean?"
>- Wait for them to prepare, then go in through the door (puzzle based combat)(+4 [Imps] FP)

>>5020008
>implying I care about any imps that aren't short and stacked
I've fapped to too much level drain paizuri to care about imps that don't have tits larger than their head.

>Wait for them to prepare, then go in through the door (puzzle based combat)(+4 [Imps] FP)
Ask them what they're trying to prepare.

>>5020008
>- Wait for them to prepare, then go in through the door (puzzle based combat)(+4 [Imps] FP)
>Point the imps you don't really have eyes.

>>5020008
>- Wait for them to prepare, then go in through the door (puzzle based combat)(+4 [Imps] FP)

>>5020008
Send the NightMARE to go get the Sphinx. This place seems to be some sort of nerd dungeon.

That should give them time to prepare . Then, we go in and wreck them anyway.

>>5020057
Well, it's a puzzle, so they might not want the other ones to get in to ruin it.

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You go back around and give the [Imps] about five minutes before knocking on the door. You hear voices from the other side.

"Sister! Sister! He is too impatient!"
"Horsemen! Horsemen! You must wait!"

After about another ten minutes of waiting around, they call out to you.

"Pervert! Pervert! We are ready for you!"
"Peeping Tom! Peeping Tom! Ready we now are!"

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You open the door and find the two imps fully clothed. You don't understand why it took fifteen minutes for them to put on a shirt and pants combo, but then again you are not a women. The [Imps] give you the standard dialogue as if you didn't just see them half naked.

"Intruder! Intruder! You have passed into our realm!"
"Foolish mortal! Foolish Mortal! You will now be judged"
"Abandon all hope! Abandon all hope!"
"All ye who pass! All ye who pass!"
"Our test! Our test! You must pass it"
"Or else! Or else! We will destroy you!"

"Sister! Sister! Everyone thinks we look the same!"
"Not so! Not so! We are completely different!"
"Intruder! Intruder! Can you tell us apart?"
"He will fail! He will fail! Find all our differences to pass the test!"

>how is one imp different from the other! List all that apply!

>>5020086
Hairstyle is different (colors too)
Earrings are different
Tie patterns are different
One has skin of vanilla, the other of caramel
The left sister has a chain on her pant
The right one has a stripe on her pant
The left has a white shoe with black sole, the right has white shoe with white sole
Right has star spurs
Left has long sleeves, right has short.
Right has choker
Left is smiling, right is not

In the end however, both are extremely cute.

>>5020086
One has a STEM degree, whereas one dropped out of social sciences and toured Europe.

>>5020086
Right has a pocket shirt.

>>5020142
Yeah, i think that's the one i missed.

>>5020122
The underwear is different too.

>>5020154
Ooo, good one. Adding this to
>>5020129

>>5020154
Oh yeah also the wings they have different colors as well and different facial expressions as well, if that counts for anything.

>>5020154
Well, they weren't prepared, so i'm guessing the underwear doesn't count? If it does, however, here's the list of differences.

Left has a full sock, Right has front of feet showing
Sock pattern and colors are different
Right has (what seems like) a frill
Left has lower panties with larger strings, right has normal panties
The colors are different for the underwear.
Left has bra with frills that has no suspensers
Right has bra with different patterns that has a suspenser
Right has some thing with a string whose name i don't know
Bra colors are different.
Their earrings also changed.

In the end, they are [still] cute

>>5020086
Brown one is cuter

>>5020171
They're equally cute, one cannot be without the other. If we were to chose them, we would need to get [both]

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>>5020122
>>5020142
>>5020159
With your discerning eye you scrutinize them intensely. You almost miss the wings and the shirt pocket but in the end you notice that too.

"Wrong! Wrong! You are incorrect!"
"Missed something! Missed something! There is one thing you missed!"
"Never! Never! Will you guess what it is!"
"Everyone fails! Everyone fails! The last one is unguessable!"

>>5020154
You didn't want to say it, but if they are going to force your hand.

"Your underwear is different too"

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"Cheater! Cheater! You shouldn't have known that!
"Pervert! Pervert! Have you no shame!"
"Do over! Do over! We want a do over!"
"Hentai! Hentai! I'm so embarrassed..."

The [Imps] don't seem too happy that you didn't fall for their trap and called them out on their underwear.

"Well girls, you may be different in your own ways but in one thing you are the same. You are both extremely cute."

"Aiii! Aiiii! He's flirting with us!!!"
"Aah! Aah! Just move to the next area already!!!"

>What do
- Move on to the next area (+1 Story point)
- WRITE IN Banter (+-?? [Imps] FP)(FREE ACTION)
- Write in (-1 Story Point)

>>5020261
>- Move on to the next area (+1 Story point)

>>5020261
>Slap their asses and move on

>>5020261
>- WRITE IN Banter (+-?? [Imps] FP)(FREE ACTIO
I do hope we'll see them again

>>5020261
>- Move on to the next area (+1 Story point)

>>5020274
I don't. The repetition thing is extremely annoying.

>>5020261
>- WRITE IN Banter (+-?? [Imps] FP)(FREE ACTION)
Your lingerie, however, were SEXY AS FU-(kicked in face by [nightMARE])

>>5020261
>- Move on to the next area (+1 Story point)

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You go further and further into the dungeon and fight a nameless mook or two on the way. The whole place seems pretty unprepared for a sacking. Its almost like no one knew you would be coming. Odd, since they stole your head. You would think the place would be a little more secure.

Your mussing are interrupted when you enter a dimly lit room. There is someone sitting at a computer playing games and tabbing out into a million different browser tabs. They have not noticed your presence at all.

>what do?
- Keep going, leave this nerd to their vidya and speedrun yourself closer to the end of this quest
- Look over their shoulder of this gamer
- Announce your presence loudly

>>5020494
>- Look over their shoulder of this gamer

>>5020494
kick over chair, dark Knight style

>>5020494
>Call out the nerd on his bad taste in vidya.

>>5020494
>Bust out gamer controller
>Challenge the nerd

>>5020502
>>5020532
+1, shoulder surf MENACINGLY then growl a quip to really scare them

>>5020494
>Call out the nerd on his bad taste in vidya.
Supporting >>5020532

I shall start the best girl debate now. Nightmare is clearly best girl.

>>5021044
Eh...she's a bit...bland, isn't it? She doesn't have much of an personality that i've seen, she's just your mare.

>>5020494
>- Look over their shoulder of this gamer

>>5021061
Don't you feel it? Pure horse power! The aura Equine muscle and speed just protruding from her like a scent. Plus she probably actually smells. When the day is done, who shall be the rider?

>>5021044
Sorceress is best (thus far)

>>5021186
That's still just looks, anon. Not personality.
>>5021195
The problem with sorceress is that she sure seems to like using you to run her errands, which makes me question her overall motivations.

>>5021201
Well duh, it's a coomer quest. The horse girl is the deviant's choice so she has my vote.

Aaa! I'm scared!

>>5020494
>>Call out the nerd on his bad taste in vidya.

>>5021044
Aqrabuamelu all the way.

Have you seen the size of those pincers? And those abs, unf.

>>5021305
You were warned.

>>5021410
Agreed. She's even submitted to us already. I think we definitely should pay her a visit again.

>>5021410
An answer I can accept. Don't really care for that behind though. Plus I bet she lacks the stamina of NightMare.

>>5021410
She's nice and all, but i don't think she has any parts.

>>5021061
And one more thing before I go to bed Mr "bland". Our noble mount was actually the ONLY girl in this quest so far to show some sass and berate us for running around like an asshole.