>>5005718
>>What is your name?
John the Revelator

Uh....are we supposed to be the one in tha picture?

>>5005723
yeah, the king's a girl

>>5005721
Has my vote

>>5005718
Bobbie.

Huge Jimbo Jr.

>>5005718
GIRL the BIG

>>5005718
Biggus Dickus jr.

>>5005718
Spiked Punch

>>5005718
Kung-Fu Tammy

>>5005718
Hera

>>5005784
+1

>>5005784
+1 for you

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>>5005721
>>5005723
>>5005726
>>5005730
>>5005777
>>5005784
>>5005786
>>5005795
>>5005808
>>5005816
>>5005834
>>5005854

>GIRL the BIG

You consider yourself. Your name is GIRL (the) BIG. As probably presumed, it was a self-given name, given that you’re both a GIRL and BIG. You are twenty or thirty-something years old. Your hobbies include watching pre-BIG BOOM films, eating canned cheeseburgers, and lifting. Your personal film collection includes 24 copies of SUPERBAD (2007) starring MICHAEL CERA and JONAH HILL.

As mentioned before, you are the self-proclaimed KING of the WASTELAND. It's a meaningless title in your eyes, but it scares off intruders, so you hold that title in high esteem. You live in your wasteland “castle” with your sole friend and roommate, DUKE NASU.

>Go see DUKE NASU.
>Observe your wealth.
>Look at your movie collection.
>Consider your "castle."
>Write-In.

>>5005885
>Go see DUKE NASU.

>>5005885
>Go see DUKE NASU
>Ask if they want to marathon your SUPERBAD (2007) collection again

>>5005885
>>Go see DUKE NASU.

>>5005885
>Go see DUKE NASU.
>Consider your "castle."

>>5005718
Are we a mutant? Humans don't normally get so jacked.

>>5005885
>Go see DUKE NASU
HE'S AS BIG AS WE ARE BECAUSE HIS NAME IS IN ALL CAPS
>>5006081
Could be like Nuclear Throne's Steroids.

I better see my Mutant queen soon, SS.

>>5005885
>Urgently consume more steroids

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>>5005892
>>5005964
>>5005968
>>5006067
>>5006081
>>5006087
>>5006165

>Go see DUKE NASU.
>Consider your "castle."

You decide to go visit your close compatriot and ally, DUKE NASU. In this post-apocalyptic wasteland, he is the sole mutant willing to put up with your habits. You walk about ten feet over to the right and greet him.

Your castle is less of a castle and more of a pre-BIG BOOM convenience store half-sunken into the sand, really. It’s cramped, but it's got plenty of amenities to last the next few years on. And it's the only landmark in the desert for miles around.

“..Duke Nasu.” You stare down at the small, eggplantish mutant.
“Morning, King!” He greets you. He appears to be playing a pre-BIG BOOM handheld game console. What is that? Warioware?

>Ask if they want to marathon your SUPERBAD (2007) collection again
>Urgently consume more steroids.
>Go grab a canned cheeseburger.
>Write-In.

>>5006295
>Ask him to spot for you while you pump some irons OH YEAAAAAAAAAA

>>5006295
>>5006297
this

>>5006295
>>5006297
This while we
>Urgently consume more steroids.

>>5005718
that img
>Chan. Chris Chan.

>>5006295
>Ask if they want to marathon your SUPERBAD (2007) collection again
>Discuss SCHEMES to become a true WASTELAND KING

>>5006415
supporting this

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>>5006297
>>5006302
>>5006415
>>5006422
>>5006424
>>5006443

>Ask him to spot for you while you pump some irons OH YEAAAAAAAAAA
>Urgently consume more steroids.

“Hey. I need you to spot me.” You order your duke. You cross your arms intimidatingly. And steroids? You’re all natty.. supplemented slightly by whatever they pack into those canned pre-BIG BOOM cheeseburgers. It could hardly be considered food, really.

“Again..? Mmmm.. alright.” He responds chirpily. He’s kind of a push-over, but he’s smart. He’s a hobbyist programmer or something. “Should only take a couple hours, right..?”

A sudden rumbling cuts through your conversation. The store around you shakes and snaps, what remains of its glass windows and concrete facade crumbling and shattering. The area around you grows dark.

“Ah..” Duke Nasu picks his face up off the ground. “What was that?”

>Investigate sound of destruction.
>Continue lifting in the dark. Nothing gets in the way of your gains.
>Write-In.

>>5006470
>Investigate sound of destruction.
>Acquire CANBURGER just in case

>>5006470
>Continue lifting in the dark. Nothing gets in the way of your gains.
Fuck that noise.

>>5006470
>>Investigate sound of destruction.
Grab a can burger and a protein drink just in case.

>>5006470
>>Investigate sound of destruction.

>>5006476
>>5006579
supporting these

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>>5006476
>>5006500
>>5006579
>>5006597
>>5006655

>Investigate sound of destruction.
>Grab a can burger and a protein drink just in case.

You decide to investigate the sound of destruction. You tuck DUKE NASU and a CANBURGER into your PERSONAL SPACE as you creep over the linoleum tile to the outside--the sweltering 29 HOUR SUN looms just outside. You brush aside some of the fallout of the quake as you step out onto the hot sand.

"What the hell..?" You glare at the outside. You've never seen this many people so close to your home..

A team of mutants and humans stand just outside your store, running back and forth and tripping you up as you step outside--before them lies an immense set of CONSTRUCTION EQUIPMENT, a golden heavy duty wrecking ball near twice the size of your "castle." It casts a dark shadow over you as it swings back and forth like a pendulum.

"Yeah. That's good!" A small, tubby-looking mutant shouts over his shoulder to the machine. He looks over a clipboard with care. "Get ready for the next swing!"

>Demand to know what's going on here.
>Punch the mutant.
>Punch the construction equipment.
>Write-In.

>>5006710
>Demand to know what's going on here.
>if ignored then punch the construction equipment before it touches your castle.

>>5006728
support

>>5006710
>Punch all, ask questions later

>>5006728
Instead of punching him, bring him close to the big ball of mass destruction, demanding that they stop, if not, punch him and the rest

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>>5006728
>>5006762
>>5006788
>>5006789

>Demand to know what's going on here.
>if ignored then punch the construction equipment before it touches your castle.

“You. Fat one. What is going on here?” You demand, approaching the ball of vegetable flesh. “What are you doing to my castle?”
“Mmmm.. Oh, you a resident here?” The mutant looks you over. “We’re tearing this place down. We sent you an eviction notice yesterday.”

You look back over to the half-sunken glass doors of the convenience store. A note plastered to the glass reads “WE’RE TEARING THIS PLACE DOWN. WE SENT THIS EVICTION NOTICE YESTERDAY.”

“Why?”

“We’re just the company, lady. Not our business. Oh, and, here’s our card.” He passes you a note. It reads MOOLI CONSTRUCTION. He turns his attention back to the wrecking crew. “Alright! Prepare the next--”

You pick the tub of lard up by the neck and hold him up in front of the GOLDEN WRECKING BALL. It’s quite easy.

“Ha-aha.. W-woah, lady! Relax!” He laughs, legs dangling up from off the ground. “L-look. It’s just a job! Any damage to the COOL GOLDEN WRECKING BALL and that’ll rack you up a bill of 50 GG! We've only got 6 of those! You better watch it!”

Aw, shit. 50 GG is a lot of GG...

>Demand to know who hired him.
>Squish him up against the ball anyways.
>Write-In.

>>5006795
>Squish him up against the ball anyways.
>"Your the one touching the ball right? So if the ball breaks because the force of a punch goes through you and cracks the ball that means you are at fault too right?"

>>5006803
Supporting this

>>5006795
>>Demand to know who hired him.
Then if we don't like the answer do >>5006803

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>>5006803
>>5006805
>>5006830

>Demand to know who hired him.
>Squish him up against the ball anyways.
>"Your the one touching the ball right? So if the ball breaks because the force of a punch goes through you and cracks the ball that means you are at fault too right?"

You smash the fat lub up against the GOLDEN BALL. He bounces and flails, unhurt. It seems he’s just a SOFT BOY.

“You’re the one touching the ball, right?” You lean in. “So if the ball breaks because the force of a punch goes through you and cracks the ball, that means you’re at fault too, right?”
“Ohohoho! Well, your threats won’t work on me, GORILLA!” He laughs heartily. “Because then we’d BOTH be at fault! And I’ve got 25 GG. Do you?”

Ah, he’s right.

“..Who hired you, then? What makes them think they own my castle?” You glower.
“Because they own your castle.” The soft boy responds. “This was a direct decree from the GUN KING! He deemed your “castle” unsightly. And it’s on his land, so..”

You frown. You’ve never heard of a “GUN KING” before. You didn’t even know there were actual kings. You thought your self-proclaimed king title title was like, a gaff. Like MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE.

>Demand more details on the GUN KING.
>Challenge his claim and punch the wrecking ball anyway.
>Claim you’ve got 25 GG.
>Write-In.

>>5006847
>>Demand more details on the GUN KING.
It's time to show this GUN KING who's the boss of this land.

>>5006847
>Demand more details on the GUN KING.

>>5006847
Challenge his claim and punch the wrecking ball anyway.

>>5006847
>>Demand to know who hired him.

We need to know more about him before making a plan.

>>5006847
>Demand more details on the GUN KING.
>while squashing his head with our thighs

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>>5006854
>>5006855
>>5006859
>>5006870
>>5006872

>Demand more details on the GUN KING.
>while squashing his head with our thighs

You lower the mutant down into a low position and squish his face between your thighs. You’d guess the feeling is kind of like mochi? “Tell me about the ‘GUN KING.’” You snarl. “I’ve never heard of him. Is he meant to be a big deal or something?”

“G-gh!” He chokes out. For some reason, he looks happy. “Y-you don’t know about the GUN KING? He’s the KING of all GUNS in the wasteland! One of the strongest in the wastes..! And appointed to that position by the KING of the WASTELAND himself! And you’re squatting in his territory, weirdo lady. Apparently, he’s tried to tax you before, but your pet eggplant or whatever sent them away..”

“The KING of the WASTELAND?” You frown, your shoulders sinking. “.. But I’m the king of the wasteland.”

“You?! Of course you’re not!” He chuckles heartily. “The TRUE king of the wasteland is a terrifying MONSTER, one who bent even the monstrously powerful and insane MUTANT KING to his will. You’re, like.. a gorilla hobo.”

>Squish him to the point of unconsciousness.
>Demand to know where this GUN KING is. You’ll take care of him yourself.
>Ask where this KING of the WASTELAND is.
>Write-In.

>>5006895
>>Demand to know where this GUN KING is. You’ll take care of him yourself.
>Squish him to the point of unconsciousness and take the keys so he can't use the machine to wreck your home while you do so.

>>5006903

>>5006912
I meant to post support >>5006903

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>>5006895
>Demand to know where this GUN KING is. You’ll take care of him yourself.
As long as we don't come up against the legendary DOUBLE KING we should be okay

>>5006975
>DOUBLE KING
Just put a Burger King crown on a balloon and let it fly away, that'll distract DK for a while.

>>5006895
>>5006903

>>5006903
This, but also
>Take his 25GG's
That's what you get for flaunting your wealth, idiot. As King of the Wasteland, we'll take it incase we have to break a wrecking ball later.

>>5007064
>>5006903
these

>>5006895
>just to make sure they don't wreck your castle when you aren't looking, take the wrecking ball hostage

>>5007064
I'm okay with also supporting this addition

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>>5006903
>>5006918
>>5006975
>>5006987
>>5007064
>>5007075
>>5007099
>>5007163

>Demand to know where this GUN KING is. You’ll take care of him yourself.
>Squish him to the point of unconsciousness and take the keys so he can't use the machine to wreck your home while you do so.
>Take his 25GG's

“Then tell me this. Where is the GUN KING?” You scowl. “I’ll just take care of him myself.”

“Who-hoah! You’re making a big mistake, lady! The GUN KING is serious business!” The fatty scoffs. “If you want a word with him, the rest of the kingdom is due EAST--.. Leading all the way to the WASTELAND KING at the very end. But you’ll get yourself kill--”

You tighten your grip around his head and he slumps, a pleasant, flushed look on his face. You don’t like to waste time nor words. You reach down pat the mutant down, grabbing the keys to the WRECKING BALL as well as his 25 GG.

You now have 28 GG for the royal treasury. Ever since the BIG BOOM, the world has turnt to the use of GAMER GUIDES as currency.
“Wow! A QAD GAMER!” DUKE NASU pops up from your PERSONAL SPACE. “These are rare, y’know.”
“Hey, lady! What’re you doing with those keys?” Another mutant calls out to you. “Are you really GOLDEN WRECKING BALL certified?”

>Begin journey due EAST.
>Punch machine for good measure.
>Write-In.

>>5007285
>Stand on the GOLDEN WRECKING BALL while Duke Nasu drives the war machine to new conquests on the EAST

>>5007287
supporting this

>>5007285
>>5007287
yes!

>>5007285
>Begin journey due EAST.

>>5007287
Support.

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>>5007372
>>5007358
>>5007337
>>5007293
>>5007287

>Stand on the GOLDEN WRECKING BALL while Duke Nasu drives the war machine to new conquests on the EAST

You pull yourself up along past the unconscious mutant and onto the GOLDEN WRECKING BALL. You release the duke from your PERSONAL SPACE as some mutant contractors begin to crowd around the spectacle.

“NASU. We’re paying the GUN KING a visit.” You place a finger on his head. “Here’s the keys. Drive us EAST so I can have a chit chat with him.”
“The-.. the GUN KING?!” NASU’s eyes spin. “BIG, you realize who the GUN KING is, right..?! And I’m not certified to operate this kind of equipment! I mean, I’ve got a forklift cert, but..”

“Hurry it up.” You push him into the machine as you steady you grip on the ball’s cord. You turn back to the mutants as the machine kicks into gear with a low thrum from the engine. “We’ll be back in a second. If you wreck my house, I’ll kill you.”

[...]

Your journey through the desert wastes is a.. slow one. You can’t imagine this machine was built for speed. And difficult beneath the blazing sun. You’ve grown accustomed to the air-conditioned comfort of SPIDERMAN 3 marathons.

“Mmm.. hey, BIG.” Nasu calls out. He looks thoroughly shriveled. “I think we’re getting close to GUN KING’S territory. We should really stop by his CASTLE TOWN before we meet him, though. I might die of thirst here..”

“You there! Lady!” A foreign voice cuts into your conversation. You turn your attention away from the eggplant duke and onto the peasant who dares to interrupt you.

It's a small, pale, scrawny looking human--not a mutant. Those are rare nowadays. In spite of his desert surroundings, he’s done up in bright green camouflage paint and garb. And he wields an AK-47, a pre-BIG BOOM weapon. Quite intimidating. A border guard, maybe..?

“You’re entering GUN KING territory.” He levies the rifle at you. “State your NAME and the purpose of your visit.

>Claim your name and purpose.
>Attempt to drive through him.
>Write-In.

>>5007656
>state our name and business
>crush him with our thighs
not necessarily in that order

>>5007656
>Claim your name and purpose.
Our purpose, of course, to smash the heads of all who stand against us. Most popular being our thigh smasher, although the mammary mash is a popular second.

>>5007656
Throw him like a ragdoll

>>5007656
>"GIRL the BIG, and I'm gonna become!!"
>Throw him like a ragdoll
>"WASTELAND KING"

>>5007682
>>5007690
Supporting these

He didn't do shit to us, just asked the average questions from his job, let's ask him about the KING of GUNS, at the very least he must be a decent fighter if a lot of people are shitting their pants for him

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>>5007658
>>5007682
>>5007684
>>5007690
>>5007707

>"GIRL the BIG, and I'm gonna become!!"
>"WASTELAND KING"
>Our purpose, of course, to smash the heads of all who stand against us. Most popular being our thigh smasher, although the mammary mash is a popular second.

“Name’s GIRL the BIG. I’m gonna become the WASTELAND KING.” You scowl, looking down at him from your WRECKING BALL perch. “My purpose is to smash the heads of those who stand against me. Most popular’s the thigh smasher, though the mammary mash is a popular second.”

“Haaaaa?” The royal guard looks you over, clearly annoyed. “You? WASTELAND KING? You’d better watch your mouth, girlie. Those are big words to throw around. You’ll get yourself killed if you spout off like that to strangers. And thigh smashing? Mammary mashing? The GUN KING has got plenty of concubines already. Get the fuck outta my sight.”

“He’s got a GUN, BIG..” DUKE leans over, sweating.

>Order duke to bulldoze past him with the WRECKING BALL anyways.
>Attempt to toss him like a ragdoll.
>Attempt advanced trickery and duplicity.
>Write-In.

>>5007712
>Attempt to toss him like a ragdoll
>Eat a random rock to demonstrate strength (or the AK if you want)

>>5007712
>Give him the Sampler Platter. Boobs, Buns, Thighs and Abs. Then toss him.

>>5007712
>Bend a Gun into a pretzel
>Squash this moron for standing in your way!

>>5007712
>Attempt to toss him like a ragdoll.

>>5007713
Supporting this.

>>5007712
>>Attempt advanced trickery and duplicity.

>>5007712
>"Don't worry Duke. WE'RE about to have a gun too."
>Destroy this loser

>>5007712
>"He might have a gun, but WE have a wrecking ball."
>Wreck him with the ball

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>>5007789
>>5007779
>>5007778
>>5007757
>>5007739
>>5007738
>>5007728
>>5007713

>Attempt to toss him like a ragdoll
>Eat a random rock to demonstrate strength (or the AK if you want)

You grab the mook by the hand and with one fluid, deft motion, swing him over your head and onto the ground. He crumples like a ragdoll, his helmet and gun flailing and flopping uselessly. You stare, disappointed. You didn’t even need to roll dice to do that to him.

“Wuh-..” The ROYAL GUARD picks himself up off the ground, dazed and drooling, his stance unsteady. You’ve already won here.
“G-gah! KING! Careful!” The DUKE chirps. “If the GUN KING finds out we hurt one of his personal guards, we could be in serious trouble, y’know?”

“So what?” You scoff, your arms folded as the guard stumbles around in front of you. For all their bluster, guns are a lot less scary than they once were--in fact, the very last bullet in the entire world was fired years and years ago. Nowadays, GUNS are touted as melee weapons. They may still be scary in the right hands, but few even know how to use them as such.

>Continue past and into the GUN KING’S castle town.
>Accost the shaken guard for more information on the king.
>Rob him of his gear for a disguise.
>Write-In.

>>5007863
>Accost the shaken guard for more information on the king.
>Rob him of his gear for a disguise.
New drip incoming

>>5007867
>>5007867
has my support

>>5007867
Sounds solid. We'll have to make sure not to lose our crown though. It's our highest signifier of our kingly status.

>>5007867
We can wear his pants and the duke can wear our bikini bottom so he has at least some kind of clothing instead of walking around nude

>>5007863
>>5007867

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>>5007867
>>5007877
>>5007994
>>5008026
>>5008145

>Accost the shaken guard for more information on the king.
>Rob him of his gear for a disguise.
>We can wear his pants and the duke can wear our bikini bottom so he has at least some kind of clothing instead of walking around nude

“You. Mook.” You palm his head. “Tell me about your boss. Now.”
“You better watch your mouth, lady! That--that’s the GUN KING you’re talking about, y’know!” He chokes up, sweating. “KING PANZER GRAAD! NO ONE’S stronger than him in the wastes! And his GATLHAMMER.. it’s big enough to squish even a gorilla like you!”

“Alright. Good enough.” You shove the ROYAL GUARD down. “Hand over your pants.”

[...]

You adjust the hem of the camo shorts, your brow furrowing. It's been years since you wore pants--they’re strange, tight and itchy--but the disguise should prove useful in the GUN KING’S territory. You’re unrecognizable in these undies!

“NASU. Carry my panties for me.” You toss them into your PERSONAL SPACE as you look the skyline of the GUN KING’S town over. “Where do we go to see the king?
“U-uh.. well.. We probably shouldn’t bring the WRECKING BALL.” He looks the dozer over. “But it’s up to you where we go, BIG.”

>Make a bee line straight for the king’s palace.
>Stop by a merchant to burn your GG.
>Interrogate a citizen.
>Write-In.

>>5008366
>>Interrogate a citizen.

>>5008366
>>Stop by a merchant to burn your GG.

>>5008366
>>Stop by a merchant to burn your GG.

>>5008366
>Stop by a merchant to burn your GG.

>>5008366
>Stop by a merchant to burn your GG.

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>>5008393
>>5008397
>>5008400
>>5008465
>>5008495

>Stop by a merchant to burn your GG.

“Let’s stop by a shop first.” You pat NASU’S head as you venture forth into the territory of the GUN KING. “Might as well get dinner before we kick the king’s ass.”

[...]

The GUN KING’S capitol city, PARABELLUM, is a small, slipshod assemblage of half-sunken desert ruins and new, sheet metal fixtures. It's not an impressive city, all matters considered. Its greatest attraction is its people: a colorful affair of humans and mutants and robots alike mill around the city like a constant bazaar, peddling wares or killing each other. You tower over most of them at around 7 feet, knocking and shoving aside those that dare get in your way.

“..Too busy and loud.” You sigh, approaching a small, dusty stand set aside. The sun beats down hard on you. “It’s like the party scene from SUPERBAD (2007). Let’s do this quick.”

“Uwahhhh!” A pale white mutant woman clasps her hands together as you approach her shop. She resembles a harpy, the chicken legs she stands on clawing at the sand beneath her. “Are you a traveler looking for wares, then? You’ve come to the right place!”

>Examine her wares.
>Interrogate her about the GUN KING.
>Interrogate her about herself. [DATING START.]
>Write-In.

>>5008526
>Interrogate her about herself. [DATING START.]
Maybe she'll give us a deal if we make a good impression.

>>5008526
>Examine her wares.
Look for DVDs to add to our collection

>>5008526
>Interrogate her about herself. [DATING START.]
Our bloodline technique

>>5008526
>Examine wares
Let's buy stuff before the date, maybe we fuck up the date, and she doesn't want to sell us stuff

>>5008526
>Examine her wares.
Might as well break the tie. Look for movies and an armored bikini top.

>>5008526
>>5008534
Neat idea

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>>5009021
>>5008891
>>5008674
>>5008624
>>5008539
>>5008534

>Examine wares

“Show me your wares.” You slap your hand down onto the wooden bench of her stand. She jumps to attention.
“N’wahh.. Fine, fine.” She smirks, setting out an array of odd trinkets and relics from the OLD WORLD. “Take a look at this, shaved gorilla.”

SPIDER DONUT: 4 GG
AK-47: 1 GG
SUPERBAD (2007): 20 GG
WARIOWARE TOUCHED: 2 GG
GUN KING COMMEMORATIVE SHIRT: 4 GG
ARMORED BRA: 7 GG

>Haggle prices.
>Write-In.

>>5009792
>Haggle prices.
>I'll buy the gun King shirt for 5 GG if you throw in the AK and Wario Ware for free.
This is a good deal

>>5009868
I would support this but go for the Armored Bra instead since wearing such a shirt seems like we're conforming to him. And a king shouldn't do that.

>>5009792
Agreeing with >>5009897 for the armored bra and everything else.

>>5009897
+1
Go with 8GG for the whole shedaxngbang

>>5009897
That's why the magic marker was invented. To DEFACE THE LIKENESSES OF LOSERS AND DORKS

>>5009792
>>5009931
this

>>5009792
Apart of what the others said, let's ask her what she thinks about "SUPERBAD (2007)"

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>>5010088
>>5009961
>>5009931
>>5009923
>>5009897
>>5009868

>Haggle prices.
>I'll buy the gun King shirt for 5 GG if you throw in the AK and Wario Ware for free.
>I would support this but go for the Armored Bra instead since wearing such a shirt seems like we're conforming to him. And a king shouldn't do that.
>Apart of what the others said, let's ask her what she thinks about "SUPERBAD (2007)"

“Hmmm.. first..” You look her DVD box over. JONAH HILL stares back at you. “Wh.. what do you think of SUPERBAD..?”
“N’wahhh? That movie? I like the cover.” She rests a hand against her cheek. “But I don’t have a DVD player, so I have to imagine how it plays out. It’s alright. Maybe a 5/10.”

You click your tongue.

“I’ll buy the ARMORED BRA for 8 GG if you throw in the AK and WARIO WARE for free.” You lean in, imposing your AWESOME MASS onto the harpy. “What do you say?”
“I’ll give you the AK, but WARIO WARE is a NO GO. WARIO is just too cool.” She shakes her head. “But.. I also deal in INFORMATION, you know. If you tell me something cool.. I might be willing to throw it in.”

>Tell her about your weekly routine at your home gym.
>Make up something scandalous about the GUN KING.
>Describe the plot of SUPERBAD (2007).
>DATING START.
>Write-In.

>>5010337
>Describe the plot of SUPERBAD (2007).
This is our area of expertise.

>>5010337
>Tell her about your weekly routine at your home gym. Try to think of exercises to recommend that would fit her.
...berd thighs
https://mangadex.org/chapter/2bf360bb-ea23-41d4-8fec-fd78cb8bcb94/10

>>5010337
Tell her that we have a DVD player, and she can come whenever she wants to see a movie as long as we are in home
She seems nice

>>5010390
>>5010372
Supporting these

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>>5010372
>>5010390
>>5010446
>>5010490

>Describe the plot of SUPERBAD (2007).
>Tell her about your weekly routine at your home gym. Try to think of exercises to recommend that would fit her.

"All right. Then, my routine at the gym." You begin.
"N'wahh. You trying to pick a fight?" She leans over the stand. "I can't lift any weight, y'know. I've got the muscle tone of a CHICKEN. It really pisses me off."
"Fine. Then..” You shut your eyes. “I’ll tell you about SUPERBAD (2007).”
“Mmmm.. very well.” She crosses her arms. “Fine. You can tell me about it. But make it detailed. And if you tell me any lies I’ll pluck your eyes out.”

You spend the next hour and fifty-nine minutes describing the plot of SUPERBAD to her in depth. You can’t help but smile as you recall it, your face a little pink. You’re happy to talk about things you like.

“..And that’s it.” You declare, hands on your hips, finishing up your recollection of the last name of the credits. “What do you think of it now?”
“Wah! Very impressive. Hmm.. maybe I’ll bump it up to a 7.5/10 now..” She taps on her chin, pissing you off. “But very well. I’ll hold true to your deal. Here’re your goods, gorilla lady.”

For a mere 8 GG and retelling of the plot of SUPERBAD, you receive an ARMORED BRA, a copy of WARIOWARE, and an AK-47. What a steal!

>Burst into the king's palace to challenge his authority.
>Shake down a citizen for information.
>Write-In.

>>5010750
>Equip our new stuff
Can't forget that.

>>5010750
>DATING START.

>>5010750
>>Burst into the king's palace to challenge his authority.
and supporting >>5010773

>>5010773
>>5010784
+1

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>>5010773
>>5010784
>>5010818
>>5011388

>Equip our new stuff
>DATING START.

You don your ARMORED BRA and keep the AK tucked away safely within your PERSONAL SPACE. With the armored bra and camo undies, you truly feel like a different person. And for some reason, perhaps because of the cloying VOICES in your head, you decide to initiate a dating start--much to your own chagrin.

"Do you.." You begin to sweat. "Do you come here often?"
"What are you talking about?" The harpy looks confused.

The HARPY gains +3 to her SKEPTICISM DISPOSITION.

>BAIL. Go beat someone up to relieve this anxiety.
>Continue down this terrible path.
>Write-In.

>>5012005
>BAIL. Go beat someone up to relieve this anxiety.
>Storm the GUN KING'S castle in order to do so.
>Start blubbering and sobbing onto the shoulders of the first person you see there, instead.
GUN KING will never see it coming...

>>5012021
+1 for small mental breakdown

Just joined this quest, and I have to say, I dig it. Solid 7.5/10

>>5012021
Too funny not to do

>>5012021
Supporting

>>5012005
>Continue down this terrible path.

We must

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>>5012448
>>5012402
>>5012159
>>5012137
>>5012021

>BAIL. Go beat someone up to relieve this anxiety.
>Storm the GUN KING'S castle in order to do so.
>Start blubbering and sobbing onto the shoulders of the first person you see there, instead.

You fucked up your first DATING SIM event in years. Your face grows hot with embarrassment. It’s time to BAIL.

You turn and sprint from the confused harpy merchant, tears in your eyes, as you make a beeline straight for the GUN KING’S castle. You push and stomp aside any lowly mutants that get in the way of your trek. This failure has you TEARING UP and this TEARING UP has you PISSED.

You move through the open doorway and into the CASTLE--a small assemblage of a building, half sunken and half crumbled in on itself and left without a roof at the mercy of the golden sun above. Not much of a castle, really, but you couldn’t miss it. The site is plastered on all the GUN KING merchandise, after all.

You nearly trip on a small mutant just by the entrance to the main castle hall as you step inside. You turn around, a hand over your face to mask your embarrassment. It resembles a porpoise--not a guard, but likely a CONCUBINE for the GUN KING. A GUNCUBINE, if you will.

“Wah! Watch where you’re going, lady! You almost squished me!” The porpoise scoffs, somehow perfectly fine sifting through the desert sand.

>Demand to be let in to see the GUN KING.
>Demand their CONCUBINE clothes to disguise yourself and sneak in.
>Wrestle the porpoise into submission.
>Write-In.

>>5012960
>Demand to be let in to see the GUN KING

>>5012960
>>5012960
>Demand to be let in to see the GUN KING.

>>5012960
>>Demand to be let in to see the GUN KING

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>>5012963
>>5013024
>>5013376

>Demand to be let in to see the GUN KING

You pick the AQUATIC MAMMAL up and shake it by its haunches. "Let me in now. I'm here to see the GUN KING." You bark into its face.
"Wahwahwah--fine! He's not usually one to see visitors, but if you plan on applying to be a new GUNCUBINE.. I'm sure he wouldn't mind." The porpoise shoots you a look of disdain as it uselessly flops down into the sand and begins to crawl. You tag along behind it. It's painfully slow.
The GUN KING'S castle is minute, far too small to even be considered a CITADEL or even a STRONGHOLD. Many of the walls are crumbling, patched over with sheet metal or open to the elements. You follow the porpoise down to a single set of doors at the far end of a hall, labeled GYMNASIUM.

"Here's his personal quarters. He should be with his concubines now, so be qui-" The porpoise begins as you kick one door down, and then the other, sending them clattering over each other across the sand.

You step into his quarters. Its a tall, impressively sized area, a rectangular room whose walls are only half sunken in on one side. The roof has crumbled in, the scorching sun beating down on you. And in the center--surrounded by a mass of onlookers, almost entirely mutant woman alongside a few robots--stands the GUN KING himself.

He appears to be hunched over an ARCADE CABINET, playing SFII. Although his GUNCUBINES speak in hushed whispers about your arrival, he doesn't seem to have noticed.

>Engage in diplomatic negotiations about why he should leave you alone forever and fuck off.
>Suplex him now.
>Throw porpoise at him.
>Write-In.

>>5013652
>Engage in diplomatic negotiations about why he should leave you alone forever and fuck off.
Violence comes after.

>>5013656
Seconding.

>>5013656
This is the proper method for a King to follow. Underlings are one thing, but amongst royalty a degree of decorum should be upheld.

>>5013652
>Engage in diplomatic negotiations about why he should leave you alone forever and fuck off
>Via SF2 matches
Should we rock with Zangief?

>>5013652
>Say nothing and wordlessly join in on playing SF2
They only language we need to comunicate with him is through Ws and Ls.

>>5013652
>Suplex him now.
Violence comes first.

>>5013791
Actually that's the better idea. We can flex on him by discussing diplomacy whilst trouncing him at SF2

>>5013656
>>5013791
Supporting these

>>5013851
>>5013791
+1

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>>5013955
>>5013851
>>5013849
>>5013826
>>5013791
>>5013738
>>5013733
>>5013713
>>5013656

>Say nothing and wordlessly join in on playing SF2

You say nothing, strutting out across the barren, sandy ground and approaching the cabinet. You push aside several CONCUBINES and SYCOPHANTS as you near the cabinet: the warm glow and hum of the machine beckon you as you take a stand next to the imposing GUN KING. The concubines around you speak in hushed whispers upon your arrival.

He’s big: maybe 10 feet tall, he dwarfs you, a rarity in this manlet-filled post apocalyptic wasteland. And the distortion of his frame and shape make you doubt that his muscles are all natural: he looks kind of grotesque, actually. He casts a glance in your direction as you size up the controls. His eyes light up.

“Haha!” His voice is booming. “What? A concubine wants a turn now?“
Your disguise worked! He doesn’t recognize you when you’re not in your underwear, it seems.
“Fine then. Nothing like a warmup.” He beckons for you to join him. “Come on. I’ll go easy on you.”

You frown, staring at the machine. You’ve never played on an arcade cabinet in your entire life.

>Desperately mash buttons.
>SUPLEX the cabinet.
>Take advantage of his distraction with the game and suplex HIM.
>Reveal your true identity and challenge him to a proper duel.
>Write-In.

>>5014617
Pick up the arcade cabinet and fight him with it.

>>5014617
>ZANGIEF
>Desperately mash buttons
>SUPLEX HIM in game
>THEN SUPLEX HIM IN REAL LIFE

>>5014655
Supporting.

>>5014617
>>5014655

>>5014655
subbort

>>5014654
>>5014655
>>5014656
>>5014825
>>5015348

>ZANGIEF
>Desperately mash buttons
>SUPLEX HIM in game
>THEN SUPLEX HIM IN REAL LIFE

>Roll a 1d20, Bo3

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>5015646

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>5015646

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>5015646

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>>5015772
>Rolled 17 (1d20)

>ZANGIEF
>Desperately mash buttons
>SUPLEX HIM in game
>THEN SUPLEX HIM IN REAL LIFE

You move to pick the LARGEST and COOLEST-looking one, as is fitting of your royal eminence. The king next to you however, performs a strange, finicky manuever on the character select screen, looping from RYU to several different fighters and then again back to RYU. A mysterious silhouette flickers onto the screen.

“You ready?” The GUN KING grins, looking back to you.

You begin the match and begin to mash buttons incessantly. However, in spite of your HIGH ROLL, his skills are simply too RAW for you to keep up with. The GUN KING reacts to each of your wayward and wild haymakers with simple reads and blocks, seemingly bemused by your incompetence. This guy is a real nerd.

As your health bar nears zero, you manage to string together enough random inputs to manage a FLYING POWER BOMB, sending his mysterious AKUMA into the ground. And, with that opening, you wrap your arms around the real GUN KING and pull him up and over your head into a PERFECT SUPLEX.

Your bridge is perfect. The mass of muscle and metal slams into the ground by the helmet and clatters against the sand, sending several CONCUBINES and SYCOPHANTS flying.

“Bwuh--what the hell was THAT for, CONCUBINE? You’re out of line!” The GUN KING roars, still flat on his back against the ground. “I thought told you all already! Only suplex me upon my request!”

>Pull off your camo pants and armored bra and reveal your TRUE identity as the WASTELAND KING.
>Declare your intent to fight him for his crown.
>Pin him on the ground and make him swear to leave your domain alone.
>Throw the cabinet down on top of him.
>Write-In.

>>5015889
>DRAMATIC POSE
>Declare your intent to fight him for his crown.
>Throw the cabinet down on top of him.

>>5015889
>Pull off your camo pants and armored bra and reveal your TRUE identity as the WASTELAND KING.
>Declare your intent to fight him for his crown If he doesn't leave our kingdom alone.

>>5015903
Supporting!

>>5015903
>>5015925
Why not both?

>>5015889
>Pull off your camo pants and armored bra and reveal your TRUE identity as the WASTELAND KING.

any other move is abandoning our dreams

>>5015903
support

>>5015889
>>5015925
Dis

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>>5015903
>>5015925
>>5015940
>>5016009
>>5016115
>>5016218
>>5016235

>Pull off your camo pants and armored bra and reveal your TRUE identity as the WASTELAND KING.
>DRAMATIC POSE
>Declare your intent to fight him for his crown If he doesn't leave our kingdom alone.

“NASU.” You declare affirmatively, your arms crossed. “Put on my garb. Now.”
“U-uh.. sure, QUEEN.” NASU pops out from your personal space.

A few long, uncomfortable minutes pass as your mutant companion removes your DISGUISE and clothes you in your ROYAL WEAR. The crowd around you speak in hushed whispers as you fold your arms. The GUN KING stares.
“Wh-.. wait! I’d recognize those anywhere!” The GUN KING points, eyes alight. “You..”
“I am the WASTELAND KING.” You strike a pose, looking back at him as you turn away. “And if you don’t leave my KINGDOM alone.. I’ll fight you here and take your worthless crown for myself.”

“Yeah! It’s you! The hobo living on my land! I’ve sent you seven eviction notices already!” He howls, pointing at you, still on the ground for some reason. “And WASTELAND KING? A fight for my CROWN? Don’t waste my time.”

“Ha?” You glare at him. “Waste your time?”

“This crown isn’t just some frilly ornament, girl. I’m the STRONGEST ‘round this part of the wastes. I could bend you in two..” He laughs. “And, if by some dumb stroke of luck, you manage a lucky blow.. the MUTANT KING will sweep by to clean up what’s left of you. You’re out of your league, hobo. Go back to playing king in what’s left of your keep.”

>Engage in SWEATY COMBAT.
>Slam the arcade cabinet down on top of him.
>Use a concubine as a blunt weapon and smash one into him.
>Engage in diplomatic relations. [DATING START.]
>Write-In.

>>5016654
>Slam the arcade cabinet down on top of him.

>>5016654
>Engage in SWEATY COMBAT.
once we win those concubines and arcade machines will be ours so we shouldn't damage them

>>5016758
Supporting this

>>5016654
>Engage in SWEATY COMBAT.
Smashing the arcade cabinet is a major dick move, unbefitting of a TRUE KING. For him it'd be the same as if someone destroyed our glorious film collection for us.

>>5016654
>Engage in SWEATY COMBAT.
>Engage in diplomatic relations. [DATING START.]
Its not like we cant talk and fight at the same time anyway

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>>5017292
>>5017053
>>5016895
>>5016758
>>5016729
>>5016729

>Engage in SWEATY COMBAT.

You decide to engage in SWEATY COMBAT, the most noble of combat between kings. You lower yourself into a fighting stance. The GUN KING rises from the sand with ease, towering over you now: he's amused by your defiance.

"I can see it from that GLINT in your eyes. You don't intend to stand down." He booms, his arms crossed. "..I'll take you up on your offer, then."

He extends a hand out to you: a show of DIPLOMATIC SUPPORT. “We’ll shake on it. This is CUSTOMARY between combatants.” He declares. “An agreement to no crotch grabs and not touching my VIDEOGAMES.”

>Take him up on his offer and shake his hand.
>Refuse the handshake.
>Grab his hand and flip him over.
>Write-In.

>>5017533
>Take him up on his offer and shake his hand.
Agreement is null if he fucks us over by dealing a low blow.

>>5017533
>Take him up on his offer and shake his hand.

>>5017533
>Take him up on his offer and shake his hand

HONOR

>>5017533
>>Take him up on his offer and shake his hand.

>>5017574
supporting this

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>>5017574
>>5017619
>>5017654
>>5017702
>>5017714

>Take him up on his offer and shake his hand.

“..Fine.” You grimace. You reach out and slowly take the WASTELAND KING’s hand. His fingers are like sausages. You shake it up, and down, and..

“..GUN CRUSH.” He whispers, a grin beneath his helmet.

With the same ease he might have with a pillow, or loose sack of gravel, he flips you up over his head and slams you into his OWN CABINET. The machine collapses beneath your weight, stray glass and wires cutting and licking at your skin as your world turns upside down. Your mouth tastes salty, your vision blurry. You wipe some blood from your forehead.

You turn to your right. DUKE NASU was knocked loose from your PERSONAL SPACE in the attack. He hangs limply, unconscious in the cabinet glass.

“..ahaha! This is great! Is this girl an idiot or what?” As the ringing in your ears dissipates, the GUN KING’S voice gradually grows louder. He’s nearly doubled over, laughing at you from just outside the ruined cabinet. “Is this a joke? Ahahaha! You fell for the oldest trick in the book! Oh man. YOU are something.”

>Attempt to tackle him from behind.
>Throw something at him
>Write-In.

>>5017751
Dang I can't believe he broke his own cabinet

>Throw another cabinet at him

>>5017751
>>Attempt to tackle him from behind.
Should've went with diplo

>>5017751
>>Write-In.
Wrestle him down our superior abs

>>5017751
If there 's another cabinet, throw it. If not, pick up a piece of this one and hit him in the nuts. He broke the rules of engagement first.

>>5017751
>Surprise crotch grab into double testicular torsion
He asked for it. Let's make it so he can't ever fuck his concubines again

>>5017751
>Attempt to tackle him from behind.

>>5017751
>>Throw another cabinet at him
Aim for his balls.

>>5017784
>>5018068
>>5017933

>Throw another cabinet at him

>Roll a 1d20, Bo3

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>5018449

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>5018449

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>5018449

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>>5018454
>>5018455
>>5018457

>Rolled 9 (1d20)

You pick yourself up and out of the shattered cabinet, your teeth gritted as you tuck DUKE NASU back into your personal space. “What happened to our agreement, huh?” You bend down and, with surprising ease, pick up the broken machine. With a small grunt, you bend back and fling the cabinet at the GUN KING. The hunk of metal and glass flies toward your opponent..

The sound of metal against metal booms through the GUN KING’S castle. The cabinet explodes, splintering into fragments on either end of the GUN KING. He hefts an immense weapon in just one hand-.. you first think it’s a sledgehammer or maul, but on closer inspection, it appears more like a MINIGUN, the barrels of the gun its handle and the housing its hammerhead.

“Gyahaha! I was hoping for a chance to use HEAVY here.” He swings the gatling gun over his shoulder. “And agreement? Don’t make me laugh. Do you want to know a secret? I’ve got FOUR SFII cabinets right now. I used to have TWENTY SEVEN. Can you guess what happened to the other TWENTY-THREE?”

>Go for his dick using your impressive DICK CRUSHING technique.
>Throw a concubine at him.
>Attempt to wrestle the weapon from him.
>Write-In.

>>5018467
>Crush his Dick

>>5018467
>GRAB HIS DICK AND TWIST IT

>>5018467
>Go for his dick using your impressive DICK CRUSHING technique

>>5018467
>Throw all 4 surviving SF2 cabinets at him

>>5018467

>Go for his dick using your impressive DICK CRUSHING technique.

>>5018467
>>Throw a concubine at him.

>>5018580
supporting

>>5018467
>>Go for his dick using your impressive DICK CRUSHING technique.

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>>5018821
>>5018657
>>5018579
>>5018529
>>5018513

>Go for his dick using your impressive DICK CRUSHING technique.

You decide to use your impressive DICK CRUSHER technique to handle him. You've never actually CRUSHED any DICKS, but you're familiar enough with the procedure.

>Roll a 1d20. Bo3.

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>5019564

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>5019564

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>5019564
Say goodbye to your dick

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>>5019572

>Go for his dick using your impressive DICK CRUSHING technique.

You lunge forward, just ducking under his swinging minigun hammer and reaching a claw grip out for his PERSONAL SPACE. You touch it, and.. it's hard. Not in THAT way, but metallic and steely.

"You honestly think I'd be that naiive?" The GUN KING sneers, "I brought a GUNMETAL CUP just for occasions li--"

You use your sheer strength to crush the cup anyways. You have a feeling that its too graphic to describe on a blue board.

The GUN KING stumbles back, wrenching himself free and sweating. He manages to keep his footing, but he looks weakened by your assault.

>Wrest his weapon away from him.
>Fling a concubine at him.
>Perform an elbow drop on his head and finish him.
>Write-In.

>>5020613
>DICK KICK

>>5020613
>DICK KICKEM
It's time to kick gum and chew ass.

>>5020613
>>Fling a concubine at him.

>>5020613
>Fling a concubine at him.

>>5020613
>DICK KICKEM
Gotta treat our future harem right, we ain’t GUN KING 2.0

>>5020613

>DICK KICKU!

>>5020613
>>Fling a concubine at him.

>>5021094
>>5020977
>>5020634
>>5020621

>DICK KICKEM

>Roll a 1d20. Bo3.

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>5022205

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>5022205

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>5022205

>>5022205
>>5020634
And I'm all out of ass.

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>>5022236
>Rolled 19 (1d20)

You double back and leap into the air, just above the GUN KING, and hurtle toward him with your feet out like a bullet. He swings his MINIGUN wildly, but you easily twirl round the maul as you plant both of your feet firmly into his DICK. He gets sent tumbling backward, sand billowing up all around him as he rolls down the length of the stadium. This time, he stays down.
The crowd of concubines and sycophants speak in hushed murmurs all around you as you sigh, brushing the sand off your royal red cape. You turn your attention back to the ARCADE and approach your fallen compatriot, the mutant eggplant thing. You poke the duke. “DUKE NASU. I took care of it.” You proudly announce, ignorant of the fearful glances from the people all around you. “Let’s go home.”
The duke opens a single eye. “Mmmm?” It seems he was pretending to be unconscious. “No way! Really?! You beat the GUN KING..?”

“Not yet.” A low voice echoes from across the court--although weak, it booms yet. You turn your attention back across the room and over to the GUN KING. He lies yet still on the ground, but he appears to have thrown his MINIGUN HAMMER aside. Instead, he wields in his hand something much smaller. The eyes set in his helmet are filled with DETERMINATION. “What a waste to use this on you..”

“...” You stare back at him. The crowd you near instantly dissipates.
“Do you know what this is, WASTELAND ‘KING’?” He asks you, the black metal trained on you. You glare down the barrel.
“It’s just a gun. A small one, too.” You scoff. Plenty of wastrels use ‘em like batons. “What’re you going to do? Throw it at me?”
“Do you want to find out?” He asks.

>Challenge his bluff.
>Attempt to run and take it from him.
>Throw something at him.
>Write-In.

>>5023419
>Kick sand in his face and throw our cape to obstruct his vision
>Attempt to run and take it from him.

>>5023419

>Catch the bullet with our teeth

>>5023424
Supporting
No way this one isn't loaded

>>5023419
>Catch the bullet with our teeth

>>5023424
Supporting this

>>5023419
>Catch the bullet with our teeth

>>5023419
>>Catch the bullet with our teeth or tits, both works

>>5023419
>Punch the air so fucking hard that it stops the very obvious bullet that is coming mid air

>>5023842
this

I mean, it's a semi-automatic pistol. Why do you all think he has only one bullet?

>>5023426
>>5023464
>>5023835
>>5023842
>>5024002

>Catch the bullet with our teeth

>Roll a 1d10. Bo3.

Rolled 10 (1d10)

>>5024769

>>5024770
DID IT

Rolled 8 (1d10)

>>5024769

>>5024770
pog

Rolled 7 (1d10)

>>5024769
If we still need a roll, here we go!

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>>5024770

>Catch the bullet with our teeth

“...” You stare daggers at the fallen GUN KING. Although his head hangs heavy, his casing crown remains tall atop his head.
“Just in case, for situations like this..” He follows your eyes, his sausage-like fingers a tight squeeze in the pistol’s trigger guard. “I hate to waste one of the last BULLETS in the world on the likes of you, but if you keep up like this, you’ll just piss off the real WASTELAND KING. I can’t let that happen.”
“G-gah..! A real BULLET?!” DUKE NASU speaks up, having strategically placed himself behind you. “No way! You’re bluffing..!”

“Not often I have to resort to this. The last few I drew a bullet on were the ROBOT, the MUTANT KING.. and the REAL WASTELAND KING. Seems a shame to throw one away on the likes of you, but you crushed my dick.” The GUN KING sneers, flashing a grin from beneath his helmet. “Goodbye, GORILLA HOBO.’”

The GUN KING fires, the burst of light and sparks from the barrel the brightest and loudest of flashes you’ve seen in your life. You stare the bullet dead-on as it approaches you. The concubines around you shriek for their very first sight of a real bullet, the mass of metal and heat like nothing you’ve seen in the wastes before.

The shot’s path is cut between your teeth. You spit it out with a scoff. That wasn’t too fast. What a let down.

“A-ah.. shit.” The GUN KING releases the last of his breath in a low groan as he collapses onto the floor, the gun falling from his hands.

You frown, hands on your hips. This was a giant pain in the ass.

>Grab an arcade machine and begin the walk home.
>Take the man’s crown to decorate your castle.
>Declare yourself as the NEW king of this dump.
>Write-In.

>>5024944
>>Grab an arcade machine and begin the walk home.
>>Take the man’s crown to decorate your castle.

>>5024944
>Declare yourself as the NEW king of this dump.

Dating was too tough, we need to inherit the concubines

>>5024944
>Grab an arcade machine and begin the walk home.
>Take the man’s crown to decorate your castle.
>Wait for the next monster of the week to bother you.
This quest is enjoyable.

>>5024971
>Declare yourself as the NEW king of this dump.

>>5024944
>Declare yourself as the NEW king of this dump.
>Meet the concubines.

>>5024944
>>Grab an arcade machine and begin the walk home.
>>Take the man’s crown to decorate your castle.
Fuck this dump, our place is better

>>5024944
>>5024974
This

>>5024944
Supporting this>>5024974

>>5024974
+1, this place sucks

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>>5025645
>>5025615
>>5025316
>>5025193
>>5025127
>>5024979
>>5024974
>>5024971
>>5024951

>Grab an arcade machine and begin the walk home.
>Take the man’s crown to decorate your castle.
>Wait for the next monster of the week to bother you.

You sigh as you pass by the shocked and awed CONCUBINES and SYCOPHANTS around you, over to the GUN KING’S unconscious body. You remove the casing crown and place it in your PERSONAL SPACE. It has a satisfying weight to it.

This was a huge pain in the ass, but at least now you can get back to your daily MOVIE MARATHON and WORKOUT SESH. And maybe you’ll stop getting eviction notices in the mail.

“Come on, DUKE.” You tap the eggplant’s nead as you heft one of the SFII cabinets lining the court walls over your shoulder with ease. “Let’s go home already.”
“Y-you’re taking his crown?” DUKE pipes up as he trots along behind you, the GUN KING far behind you now. “That’s ruthless..”
“Geh heh heh he heh!” A flighty, shrill voice from behind you giggles. You roll your eyes. What now?

The concubines part and shriek, a tumbling back from just one “concubine” in the center--one with a broad straw hat and taupe cloak, tentacles begin to ebb up from underneath it and curl in the air. It’s visible eye looks manic and a strange, sugary scent wafts by.

“To think I just visited to bully PANZY.. What a show! Geh heh heh!” The concubine continues in a strange, sweet voice. The tentacles curl with each giggle. “You’ve really shown me something interesting now, WASTELAND KING. I love it! So cute!”

>Keep walking.
>Ask who this annoying loser is.
>Throw something at it.
>Write-In.

>>5025788
>Keep walking.
>Ask DUKE what he wants to watch when we get back home.

>>5025796
+1

>>5025788
>Ask who this annoying loser is.

>>5025796
Yes, we mostly just mind our own business unless bothered. Someone that can't even be bothered to introduce themselves does not deserve a greeting.

>>5025796
support

>>5025788
>>Throw something at it.

>>5025796
>>5025796
has my support

>>5025796
Supporting.

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>>5025796
>>5025819
>>5025861
>>5026166
>>5026174
>>5026205
>>5026273
>>5026390

>Keep walking.
>Ask DUKE what he wants to watch when we get back home.

You walk past the short wastrel, the DUKE on your shoulder. “What do you want to watch when we get home?” You glance at him.

“Oh, my my my my my my my! How rude!” The hooded figure slides in front of you, its tentacles carrying it across the desert sand with ease. “Here I am, pouring my heart out to you, and you walk right past me?”

You pause, staring down the strange figure.

“Oh, what a cold gaze. I love it.” It shivers. “I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of introducing myself. I am.. YULONG EENDRACHT. You might know me as the MUTANT KING. What a pleasure to meet another.. “king” like yourself.”

“Wh-what? Th-the MUTANT KING?” DUKE’S purple face goes pale.

>Keep walking.
>Ask who this annoying loser is, again.
>Throw something at it.
>Write-In.

>>5026678
>"So you want a handshake or something? No thanks, I'm not falling that one again."
>Ignore his response and keep walking

>>5026678
>>5026709

>>5026709
Support

>>5026709
based, supporting

>>5026709
Support!

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>>5027365
>>5027288
>>5027028
>>5026713
>>5026709

>"So you want a handshake or something? No thanks, I'm not falling that one again."
>Ignore his response and keep walking

"So you want a handshake or something? No thanks. I'm not falling that one again." You scowl, turning away from the apparent ‘MUTANT KING’ and walking back. You hate the annoying types..

“Hmmmmn..” The MUTANT KING ruminates, tentacles slithering along beside it. The concubines in front of you dissipate at the sight of the figure behind you, falling back or shrieking as they crawl away.

A few tentacles gently creep up behind you, brushing against the back of your arms and back. “..Well.. that’s not very cute at all, is it? But this one.. This one is cute. Yes!”

A tentacle lunges out like lightning, snatching DUKE NASU from your PERSONAL SPACE. You lunge to grab him, but you’re just a little too slow--you watch as he’s rent from your grip and into the appendages of the MUTANT KING.

“Consider this a cute tax. For defeating the GUN KING.” It hefts DUKE NASU up and down, who shrieks. “I’ll be taking this little cutie now.”

“Give him back.” You stare down the king, who giggles at your plight.

“Oh! Oh, my, oh my! That’s the look I was looking for!” It laughs, twirling DUKE NASU around in its arms. “No. I don’t think I will. I’ll be taking your eggplant back home now. Maybe it’ll be Nasu Dengaku for dinner tonight. Or Eggplant Agebitashi..”

>Lunge for the mutant king’s tentacle.
>Throw something at it.
>Engage in diplomatic dialogue. [DATING START.]
>Write-In.