You’re riding your horse through a mountain pass. Beneath your horse’s hooves crunches a light powdering of snow. Scraggly conifers and small boulders dot the well-traveled trail. (When you think about it, isn’t a small boulder just a large rock?)Your destination: the racetrack on the other side of these mountains. You have reason to suspect that something fishy is going on between this horse racing business and the local impound lot, out of which you helped your horse Loretta escape. You intend to find out who and/or what is up to no good, as well as if any no good is being upped to in the first place.Thread 1: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive/4933229/
>>4988082You leave your poncho and pirate hat in the haberdasher’s basement.Narrowly dodging the patrolling sheriff, you head to the general store and pick up a bottle of booze for $0.30, leaving you with $1.85.>>4988084You ask the general store’s owner if he’s seen the town drunk lately. He says that the drunkard is probably at his day job in the nearby coal mine.>>4988191You cut up your headband eyepatch into a swanky domino mask, removing the -1 Shootin’ penalty and making you look like a vigilante.>>4989302You ask if the haberdasher can refashion your coat into a more genre-appropriate duster. He slaps some extra fabric on the bottom. Close enough, you guess.Your current stats:Shootin': 3.25 +1 (alcohol)Rootin’: 1.8 -1 (pineapple) +1 (Pickpocket, stealing only)Tootin': 4.3 +1 (alcohol) -1 (pickle)
As Loretta plods down the rocky path, you spy two hats sitting on a rock.>Grab ‘em>Shoot ‘em>Ignore ‘em>Something else?
Welcome back, OP. Thanks for the quick second thread.>>4990220>Nothin' more suspicious than a hat without a head beneath it. Call out for the two owners of said hats. Whether they be behind that large rock there, or behind that small boulder just out of frame.
>>4990285Knowing there’s no such thing as a free hat, you accuse the hats of having men beneath them. You’re quickly proven correct when two bandits pop out from behind the rock.(1/2)
You are accosted by a pair of surly bandits. These guys look a little different than the ones you teamed up with earlier.You’re feeling chilly!>Your body temperature starts at a toasty 37°C. Every turn, that number will decrease by 9.>This is modified by whichever body part you’re using to absorb the chill.>Every point of HP beyond the first will apply a x0.9 multiplier to the body temp decrease.>Insulated clothing, such as your longcoat, will apply a x0.7 multiplier, while metallic clothing carries a x1.2 multiplier.>If you hit 0°C, you’ll freeze solid!You’re currently using your right leg to block the cold (marked by blue in the combat screen). At the end of the turn, your body temperature will drop by 9 x (0.9^2) x 1.2 = 8.7.(When riding a horse, the horse counts as one of your body parts for the purposes of temperature management.)You have three actions. What shoot?(2/2)
>>4990348Remind us how shotguns work, I don't think we ever have actually fired our shotgun ourselves, only our bandit buddy did.Bit tired, but have a rough plan:>Lasso/Prepare to Lasso dynamite Bandito>Throw horse nip, magnet, and knife at eyepatch Bandito's R ARM>Shoot Eyepatch Bandito's R ARM to bust it>Shoot Dynamite out of the guy's hand I guessAlso>Select CHEST as body part to absorb the chill.If we can choose which body part to.
>>4990499Your shotgun fires 2-3 pellets at a time. One pellet is guaranteed to hit the body part you aimed at, while the others will randomly hit the closest parts nearby. This shotgun has a 40% chance to fire 3 pellets, with the chance rising by 10% for each point of Shootin’ (plus bonuses/maluses).With one action, you spin up your lasso, aiming for the tall, skinny bandit. You fling three random objects from your inventory at the fat bandit’s right arm, knocking away one of his revolvers, tearing away his cuff and sleeve, and exposing his arm. Your second action is spent firing at the exposed arm, blowing it off the bandit’s shoulder!Loretta, representing your third action, shoots her candy cane-jammed gun at the skinny bandit, knocking the dynamite from his right hand.You use your chest to block the cold.(1/3)
It’s the enemies’ turn.The rotund bandit pickpockets Loretta’s gun out of her mouth and stows it beneath his hatbrim.The narrower bandit pulls a jar of apple juice out from underneath his poncho and throws it at your left leg, knocking off your shoe and splattering your leg with yellow liquid. The tall bandit then fires his gun at your left leg – the apple juice grants the attack +1 extra damage, which allows the bullet to blow away your shotgun and penetrate into your sock! With his other action, he shoots the lasso out of your hand.(2/3)
The skinny bandit moves another jar of apple juice from his right boot into his hand.Glowing runes appear on the short bandit’s bandanna. Suddenly, there’s a flash of light as a magical shield coalesces around him, protecting him from all thrown objects! This must be an automated reaction from having a limb blown off. It’s likely that the other bandit has something similar!You can knock off the bandanna to remove the shield, but it’s three layers deep – you’d have to remove his hat to hit the bandanna, which would take 2 shots (or more if he has an item under there).The cold air chills you to the bone, penetrating through your insulated coat, tie, and guard shirt.Your body temperature drops by 9 * (0.7^2) * (0.9^2) = 3.6, for a total of 33.4.The skinny bandit’s temperature drops by 9 * 0.7 * 0.9 * 0.7 = 4, for a total of 33.The fat bandit’s temperature drops by 9 * (0.9^2) * 0.7 * 0.9 = 4.6, for a total of 32.4.Watching the bandits, you get the feeling that these two don’t know how to change the body part they’re using to absorb the cold.What shoot?(3/3)
>>4990756>Blast the skinny bandit's torso>Shoot the rotund bandit in the head>Shotgun the fat fuck's headLet's try to freeze them both.Can I get a TL;DR for how the actions work during combat?
>>4990822Each action can be spent on:>Shooting your gun at a body part>Using a melee attack on a body part>Picking up a dropped item>Doing something special with an itemThere are also some things that don’t require an action:>Throwing an item at a body part>Moving items between inventory slots>TalkingIf three body parts are brought to 0 HP, that person is incapacitated. The last point of HP on a body part must be destroyed by a gunshot, but all other damage can be done via gun, melee, or throwing.Each body part has at least one inventory slot. Stored items will absorb a point of damage, but they’ll be knocked to the floor afterwards. Since items can be used for both offense and defense, careful inventory management is key to success.You shoot the tall bandit in the chest, blowing off his insulated poncho. You don’t have your shotgun anymore, so you fire twice at the short bandit’s head, breaking his hatband and shooting off the revolver hidden inside.(1/3)
The thick bandit unzips your coat with a well-placed bullet. The narrow one throws his second jar of apple juice at your left leg, tearing off a chunk of your pants. He follows it up with a shot from his revolver that sends your left leg flying!(2/3)
The thin bandit pulls out a box of cigarettes from his left boot and stores it on his belt. The fat bandit takes a bundle of cloth from under his vest and hands it to his companion.Your body temperature drops by 9 * 0.7 * (0.9^2) = 5.1, for a total of 28.3.The skinny bandit’s temperature drops by 9 * 0.9 * 0.7 = 5.7, for a total of 27.3.The fat bandit’s temperature drops by 9 * 0.9 * 0.7 * 0.9 = 5.1, for a total of 27.3.The wind picks up, and you feel the frost getting a little more intense.Your body temperature will now decrease by 12 per turn.What shoot?(3/3)
>>4991237Chug booze (does it help with the cold too?)Split deck of cardsThrow bear trap then two cards at skinny bastard bandit's chest to stun him next turnLight and throw a now-unavoidable dynamite bundle at skinny bastard bandit's right arm
>>4991228Thank you QM>>4991319+1
Don't forget we can pickpocket once per combat, as an action.Would've liked to pickpocket that one apple juice, but ah well.>>4991237>>4991319I would like to save the TNT if at all possible, for a more suitable occasion, but I suppose that's my hoarding instinct kicking in.>Split deck>Throw the bear traps and 2 cards to doff and stun the skinny bandit.>Take two shots at Fat Bandit's headShould strip them both down to nothing and almost nothing, going for freezing them, remove the bandana, and dropping them down to a single action this turn. Don't need to drink booze when that's all that's threatening us.
>>4991237>>4991769Right, what skills do we have? Other than Pickpocket that is.
>>4991237Okay, I'll move my +1 (>>4991396) to this: >>4991769
>>4991769Supporting this one!
>>4991319In addition to its normal effects, drinking alcohol (any amount) will apply a x0.5 multiplier to heat loss for a turn, but also a x1.5 multiplier on the next turn. >>4991823Your only other combat skill is Shotgun Handling, which allows you to use shotguns.>>4991769You take your deck of cards and divide it into three individual items. A thrown bear trap tears the scarf from the skinny bandit’s chest, while a pair of paper projectiles punctures his insulated sweater and paralyzes his bare skin. You then double tap the fat bandit and knock away everything but his eyepatch.As his bandanna goes flying, the shield around the chubbier enemy fizzles away, leaving him open to thrown damage.(1/3)
The tall bandit spends a turn recovering from his paper cut. The shorter man takes out a blueprint from his left boot and tosses it at your chest to knock away your dynamite, then shoots off your insulated jacket.(2/3)
Your body temperature drops by 12 * (0.9^2) = 9.7, for a total of 18.6.The skinny bandit’s temperature drops by 12, with a x1.5 naked multiplier = 18, for a total of 9.3.The fat bandit’s temperature drops by 12 * 0.9 = 10.8, for a total of 16.5.Feeling the hypothermia setting in, the skinny bandit relocates his bundle of cloth to his chest, which will act as a layer of insulated clothing. The fat bandit also moves a pocketwatch from his right leg to his head.You get a feeling that these guys will continue to focus on your chest.What shoot?(3/3)
>>4992970>Pickpocket Pocketwatch>Throw last card at fat bandit's head>Shoot Skinny Bandit's Chest>Reload a pistolAre our arms still cold tolerant, even if the chest part of the jacket was blown off? If so,>Reassign Chill Absorb to L Arm. Otherwise, assign to head.This *should* freeze over the skinny bandit, and leave the fat one with .5°C left. Leaving the chest covering on the skinny I think will let him survive one more turn without freezing.Could pickpocket a pistol instead, but curious to see if the watch does anything special.
>>4992999Actually, assuming his pistol is more than a 2-shooter, we could pickpocket that instead. Throw the card and one of the empty pistols at his eye patch. Then spend the last action firing again at his head to break it, instead of reloading. Depending on if an exploded limb freezes even faster than a naked one, that could finish the match off instantly.
>>4992999this but shoot fat bastards head instead. We can blow it off this round!
>>4992970Pickpocket fatty's revolver then pistol whip him in the face with it (2 actions)Shoot skinny's right arm with whichever revolver has more bullets in it then throw empty 3 shooter and final card to stun him againAbsorb cold with head
>>4992970>>4992999>>4993004+1, but absorb heat with our head
>>4992999You snatch the pocketwatch from the fat bandit’s head, then use a card to knock away his eyepatch and shoot the tall bandit’s cloth away. Loretta reloads your 4-shooter. You don’t destroy any body parts since it would just switch the cold absorption to a different location.You switch your chill blocking to your left arm. The 2-layer insulated sleeve gives a x0.7^2 multiplier.(1/2)
The bandits shoot at your chest, but it doesn’t matter, since they both lose 18°C at the end of the turn and freeze solid. You take the opportunity to grab all your stuff and reattach your dismembered leg.At some point during your fight, a few coins fell out of one of those guys’ pockets. Free money!+$0.60You now have $2.75.Practice with your gun has taught you more about the art of shootin'.Shootin': 3.25 + 0.8 = 4.05You leveled up your Shootin’! You can spend those points on perks, or leave them for skill checks.>Rifle Handling (Cost: 2) - Allows you to shoot rifles, which deal more damage per shot>Low Blow (Cost: 3) - Allows you to shoot crotches, which are heavily-armored but instantly incapacitate if destroyed; ineffective against women>Machine Gun Handling (Cost: 3) – Allows you to shoot machine guns, which fire rapid bursts of bullets that hit all body parts in a straight lineAlready have:>Shotgun Handling (Cost: 2) - Allows you to shoot shotguns, which deal damage over multiple body partsGetting beat up has only strengthened your will to root around in other people's business.Rootin': 1.8 + 0.2 = 2You leveled up your Rootin’! You can spend those points on perks, or leave them for skill checks.>Insight (Cost: 2) - Gives you a basic estimation of the enemy's strategy at the start of the fight>Will to Live (Cost: 3) - When hit by a part-destroying shot, 25% chance to block the hit instead>Hat Trick (Cost: 4) - Once per battle, you can equip a hat from your inventory mid-combatAlready have:>Pickpocket (Cost: 2) - Once per battle, allows you to directly take items from an enemy's inventory instead of shooting them off and picking them from the floor. Only works with exposed items (i.e., not in an undamaged sleeve, hat, etc). Also helps with non-combat thievery.You can take whatever you want off the ground, but anything still on the bandits’ bodies is encased in ice. If you want something from them, you’d have to thaw them out with your body heat, or just shatter them with a rock.- The pocketwatch isn’t anything special. It’s just a pocketwatch.- The revolver has three chambers.- The scarf is not insulated, but the poncho is. Both have 1 HP.- You can memorize the blueprint to learn how to sew bandannas.- The fat bandit’s bandanna is covered in stitched runes. It doesn’t do anything for you – seems the enchantments are biocoded specifically to the tubby thief. You could just wear it like a normal bandanna, but looking like a bandit might not always be useful.What do?(2/2)
>>4993176Memorize bandana plans in case there's ever some kind of plague from the Far East that can be stopped by covering our faceIs horsenip usable in combat? If not let's share it with Loretta in celebration for winning this fightShatter skinny frozen bandit with the dynamite (not the bundle, the single stick from the ground) so we can steal his footwear
>>4993176>Strap the watch to our gunWonder what this attachment will do>Memorize bandana>Shatter the Skinny Bandit's ice block with the rockSo we don't destroy items inside>Jack his bootsNgl, his hat looks good, too.>Check what he has on him, inspect the gun and secure the Cigs>(If not usable in combat) Share horsenip with Loretta>Machine Gun Handling (Cost: 3) – Allows you to shoot machine guns, which fire rapid bursts of bullets that hit all body parts in a straight lineThis is optional, but I really want the dakka.Do we have inventory limits?
>>4993176OP, how many points of Shootin' did we need to be able to shoot twice in a action, again? Or is that a skill we need to purchase?And we can buy these at any time in the future, ya? Might be worth holding off on the weapon skills until we actually get a weapon that the skill applies for.I like our vigilante look right now. >Memorize the bandana blueprint.>Grab snazzy boots>DON'T use the horsenip. We are going to the horse races after all, a legal recreational drug could prove very useful there. We can get Loretta an apple or carrot later.>>4993219Our inventory is limited to those squares in the last pic above. Currently 13 squares.With cards being able to be split from the deck, assuming we have enough space in our inventory to hold them all post split. (cards also stun an enemy once per naked body part.)Keys and Ammo don't take up the squares, and we have unlimited pistol bullets.
>>4993176Changing my vote (>>4993219) to:>Strap the watch to our gunWonder what this attachment will do>Memorize bandana>Shatter the Skinny Bandit's ice block with the rockSo we don't destroy items inside>Jack his bootsHis hat still looks good, tho.>Check what he has on him, inspect the gun>Do not share horsenip with Loretta
>>4993193You memorize the bandanna plans, allowing you to craft them at any sewing machine. In the event of a plague, however, you plan to simply swipe some of Loretta’s medications.The bag of horsenip contains enough for three joints, each of which Loretta can smoke to provide complete damage immunity for a turn. If you have a lighter, you can also throw a lit joint at somebody (human or horse) to stun them. Rolling a joint uses up a third of the bag, costs an action, and is irreversible. (You can roll up outside of combat.)>>4993219You combine the pocketwatch and your 4-shooter to create the MINUTE-HAND MAGNUM.It’s just a revolver with a pocketwatch tied to it. It doesn’t do anything special. Well, it does let you tell time, but you could just look up at the sun for that. Constricting the gun like this also lowers its ammo capacity by one.You pick up a rock and smash the skinny bandit into a million pieces. Yeah, this guy’s not coming back.You grab the shattered ruffian’s boots, which have 2 HP each, and swap them out for your streetwear sneakers. His box of cigarettes contains two cigs and his gun has 3 chambers. As you pick through the pile of former bandit, his companion shakes with panic and rage. >>4993513Shooting multiple times with one action is a Shootin’ skill you don’t have access to yet.You can pick up available skills at any time, so you hold off on selecting one for now.Anything else you want to do here?>Continue to the hippodrome>Smash the other bandit>Something else?
>>4994275Can we uncombine the revolver and pocketwatch?Also, smash the other bandit. We don't want him out for revenge.
>>4994275>Smash the other bandit>Continue to the hippodrome>uncombine the revolver and pocketwatch
>>4994298>>4994305+1Woops, on both accounts. It's a good thing there will be no witnesses to our murderhobo tendencies.
>>4994298>>4994305You take apart the Minute-Hand Magnum and drop the pocketwatch.Showing no mercy, you shatter the other bandit. You sweep the frozen giblets off to the side with your foot. Hopefully there won't be any consequences for this brutal double murder.Dusting off your longcoat, you continue down the mountain pass to the racetrack.(1/2)
You arrive at the hippodrome, the prime location for degenerate gambling, tribalistic fury, and the consumption of copious amounts of fried food. It's race season and the joint is bumping.This place is expensive! $2.50 for a ticket. You check your wallet and see that you have $2.75.Betting is open for the next race. Currently, the favored to win is a horse called Whinnyston, carrying a return of x1.8 on the initial investment if he's first. There are three more horses with x2.7, x3.9, and x5.2 returns. A last horse named Haymaker has a x10 return, but judging from his picture, it doesn't look like he'll make it past the first curve.There's a booth selling greasy snacks. You can buy a funnel cake for $0.30, a handful of candy for $0.25, or a bottle of booze for $0.40.What do?>Pay up for a ticket>Try to get a discount from the ticket clerk>Sneak in through the back>Ask to speak to the manager>Do some betting>Something else?
>>4994748Not sure about the ticket, but>Ask Loretta what she thinks of the competitors and about the horse races in general
>>4994748>Look for a brochure
>>4994774>Ask Loretta what she thinks of the competitors and about the horse races in general>>4994748>Sneak in through the back
>>4994795>>4994791Support to all of these.
>>4994774Loretta isn’t really a big sports buff. At most, she knows the famous names like Usain Colt and Jesse Oatwens. She does say that today’s competitors seem a bit out of it, judging from their pictures.>>4994791You take a brochure. It mostly gives you race schedules and the locations of the bleachers – nothing you couldn’t figure out yourself.>>4994795You head to the back of the racetrack. There appears to be separate entrances here for the jockeys and the horses leading into the holding pens. If you came in through here, you and Loretta would have to split up.You see a security guard blocking the way in. You could try and convince him that you and Loretta are racers, but you don’t exactly look the part. You could just beat him up, but he’s carrying a walkie-talkie; taking him out too slowly might send a mob of rent-a-cops on your ass.Tootin' check for convincing the guard to let you in:Roll 1d20 +4 (Tootin’) +1 (alcohol) -1 (pickle) -9 (no jockey disguise) +3 (guard is hungover). At least 14 to pass. Bonus for plausible write-ins.
Rolled 5 (1d20)>>4996046trying to come up with a clever write in but my mind is blank so I'll just roll.
Rolled 12 (1d20)>>4996046
Rolled 1 (1d20)>>4996046"Hi, I'm Johnson Long, the world's tallest jockey and an advocate for Tall Men Across the West. You may have heard of us? We're a civil rights movement trying to improve employment opportunities for men of your stature and mine in industries, like jockeying, that traditionally exclude us. This is my horse, Equality."
Rolled 7 (1d20)>>4996046I'm just praying to rng.
Rolled 18 (1d20)>>4996046"Hey there! My jockey uniform is in the washer but my spare is inside, left it here last time. Mind if I get in?"
>>4996263>>4996644As a card-carrying member of the TMAW, the guard is a big fan of you, Mr. Long, and asks for your autograph. He’s more than willing to let you retrieve your spare jockey uniform. You and Loretta split up. You find yourself in a locker room, presumably where the jockeys hang out before a big race. There’s only one person in here and he doesn’t seem to have noticed you – which is a good thing, because you wouldn’t pass muster with a real jockey in this outfit.You hear some jockeys chatting outside and walking towards the locker room.What do?>Grab someone else’s uniform>Duck into the showers>Hide in a locker>Something else?
>>4996776do we still have only one sock on our feet? maybe we should grab another
>>4996776>Grab someone else's uniformEveryone loves a dark horse entering at the last moment.
>>4997046>>4997148supporting both of these
>>4996776Dude, the fact that that nat 1 passed shit is mind boggling to me. Is this just a ruse?
>>4997357Nat 1 didn't pass, it was just a Best of All (18) with both write-ins blended in.I'm personally a fan of nat 1/20/100s taking priority, but it's more chill without them.
>>4997148>>4996776Hell yeah let's do this!>>4997370I personally think having nat 1's and nat 20's in a d20 system is a bit wack if you are going to be rolling a bunch of times, it just makes every other roll a crit fail or a succees, on a d100 i do love nat 1's and nat100's tho
>>4997443Well, here we have a player-friendly version of crit 1d20, so it's not wack.I think both the players and QMs benefit from quests where rolls are in favor of winning like this.
>>4997370>>4997357I'm pretty sure he's been doing first roll in the past.
>>4997357(I actually took the first roll, which was a 5. Since it wasn’t a 1, the write-ins were reasonably clever, and I couldn’t think of a punishment that still advanced the quest, I decided to give you the pass.)>>4997046>>4997148You rush to the open locker and throw on the spare jockey silks, cramming your hat, guard shirt, longcoat, and baggy pants in the locker. You also filch the other guy’s sock.The skinny jockey puts on a pair of oversized glasses and is befuddled by the sudden disappearance of his sock when the door suddenly slams open. In strides a couple of burly equestrians: one is rigidly muscled and walks with a sense of smug superiority, while the other has a collected gait and a slick pompadour. The bespectacled effete cringes in fear.The two men stop chattering about chicks and booze when the muscled one notices the nerd. Quickly, the meathead rolls up a towel and gives the geek a good flick across the ass, laughing out loud all the while.Then his attention turns towards you. Fresh meat, he announces! He gives you a once-over, but seems perturbed. Your unnatural tallness for a jockey indicates physical superiority, but your lack of defined muscles classifies you as a book-learner. Stumped, the lug boisterously asks whether you’re a geek or a jock. All three of the men stare at you, waiting for your response.From the showers comes the sound of a flushing toilet, followed by a dripping wet dude. His bloodshot eyes and still-smoking joint indicate the presence of an experienced stoner.What do?>Align yourself with the geeks>Align yourself with the jocks>Align yourself with the greasers>Align yourself with the wastoids>Something else?
>>4998130>Align yourself with the greaserswe are obviously among the cool kids
>>4998130>Align yourself with the greasers
>>4998130>Align yourself with the greasers>Point out that you're a charmer at heart
>>4998130>>Align yourself with the greasers>I'm a lover not a fighter, also guns don't need muscles
>>4998130>Align yourself with the greasers>My horse handles the melee combat
>>4998461>>4998388This ones does it for me
>>4999521Cue hissing and moaning for 1 day.
>>4999521OuchQuick question, how much does it take you per drawing?
>>4999521No prob, GM. Take your time.
>>4999640(About 10-20 minutes per panel, depending on the complexity of the drawing.)>>4998388>>4998461>>4998478You’re one slippery son of a gun, and nobody’s got a more lubricated tongue than the greasers. You turn to the man in shades and give the leather-jacketed jockey some finger guns and your best “Ayyyyy”. With a smirk, he says you’re alright, kid. As the jock gives the nerd an Indian burn, the greaser leads you out of the locker room and to the greaser hangout.You and your new friend saunter across the racetrack to a brick wall on the perimeter of the parking lot. There’s a couple of hoodlums standing around looking fresh, along with a freshly-polished mustang. Your greaser buddy doesn’t deign to introduce you to his crew – all he says is that, if you think you’re hip enough to join them, you’d better prove it.The next race is coming up in a few minutes, and it’s one that the greasers want to win – they’re fielding a jockey to participate, while the rest will act as the pit crew. Judging from the quality of the other racers, this match ought to be a gimme. The only problem is that the wastoids, the greasers’ natural rivals, are also running in the race – and worse, they’re breaking out their top rider, Leff “The Dud” Jebowski. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to sabotage the drugged-out burnouts and win the race for the greasers.What do?>Volunteer to be the greasers’ racer>Sneak behind the scenes and interfere with the wastoids>Cause a distraction during the match>Chat with the other greasers, or the horse>Something else?
>>5000774>Chat with the other greasers, or the horseWe're here to gather intel, first and foremost.
>>5000774>Sneak behind the scenes and interfere with the wastoids
>>5000774>Chat with the other greasers, or the horse>Have your horse check on any sabotage from the horse side
>>5000774>Chat with the other greasers, or the horse>Have your horse check on any sabotage from the horse sideAre there any toilets around? That Jebowski sounds like he's weak to swirlies.
>>5000774>Sneak behind the scenes and interfere with the wastoids and the other racers/horses then bet on yourself to win
>>5000874maybe we can steal his rug to send him on some long-winded quest
>>5000955OH SHIT YEAHJust make sure we got the right Jebowsky.
>>5000774Go give jebowskis horse the bag of horsenip. Say it's thanks for helping us yesterday. And hope that either they're too high or get caught by the necessary drug test for the racers
>>5000774>>5000783 changing to >>5000791
>>5000783You ask the greasers if they’ve noticed anything suspicious lately, but they haven’t seen anything out of the ordinary. Races, tournaments, inter-clique drama, you know how it is. The guy in a tank top does mention that the owner of the Hippodrome is working on some sort of project – says it’ll revolutionize the racing world, whatever that means.You admire the greasers' horse, whose shiny coat is meticulously washed and combed. Her owner, the leader of the greasers, beams as he regales you with the story of how he came to possess her. When he first entered the West to seek his fortune, the first place he found was the Hippodrome, and just outside stood an abandoned foal. The sympathetic scoundrel bonded with her, named her Lightning, and brought her into the racetrack, where the two have been training together in professional equestrianism ever since. The racetrack’s owner even helped him out with some horse supplements to help her grow big and strong. Now little Lightning is automatic, systematic, hydromatic, and a bunch of other words that you’re pretty sure aren’t real.You ask Lightning if she’s seen anything suspicious around here. She gives you an empty look. The greaser gang starts laughing like this is the funniest thing they’ve ever seen. The head greaser says you’re a funny guy. Talking to horses! The one in a striped shirt nicknames you “Ponyboy” and all of them break out into another round of cackles.>>5000791Unless you get your hands on a walkie-talkie or something, you can’t command Loretta or access her bag of horsenip right now.You tell the greasers that you came in with your horse and ask where you could find her. They say that she’s probably in the stables with the other racehorses.>>5000786You decide to embark on a campaign of subterfuge. The five of you come up with a plan: you’ll do whatever you can to sabotage Jebowski so that the head greaser can ride Lightning to victory. The Dud, like all of the other jockeys, lives in a nearby residence provided by the Hippodrome. Just before a big event like this, he likes to get in the mood with a White Russian and a fat roll of hemp. Won’t be too hard to scare the deadbeat off his groove.What do?>Head to Jebowski’s house and pee on his carpet>Go talk to Loretta and see if she’s noticed anything off with the local horses>See if you can get in with the other cliques>Bet on the greasers before the match>Something else?
>>5000774>>Chat with the other greasers, or the horse>Ask the horse what it knows and thinks about that nosebleed Jebowski's horse? Is it as waste of space as it's rider?
>>5001924Nuts, i was too late.>>5001921>Go talk to Loretta and see if she’s noticed anything off with the local horses
>>5001921>Take Loretta with you>Head to Jebowski’s house and pee on his carpet>Ask where's the race money
>>5001921>Go talk to Loretta and see if she’s noticed anything off with the local horses, especially HaymakerI suspect something's up, with a name like that.>Hit on the female greaser (as expected for every woman we come across)
>>5001921>>5001950Oh, and Whinnyston as well
>>5001950+1. I like how OP randomly keeps changing what a horse actually is in this setting, lol.
>>5002082or maybe Lightning's just that good at pretending
>>5001950You flirt with the female greaser. She invites you to come to her MLM meeting. You rescind your flirtation.>>5001926Before you go to Jebowski's house, you head to the stables to check up on Loretta. A few ranch hands are tending to the rows of numb-looking horses, none of whom are wearing any sort of hats or distinguishing accessories. At first you can't find Loretta, but then you notice one of the blank-faced horses discreetly waving to you.You walk over, and Loretta temporarily puts on her hat and eyepatch so you know it's her. Quietly, she tells you to get her out of here, because all of these horses are completely whacked-out. You ask what's wrong, and Loretta tells you that every horse housed in this racetrack is totally unresponsive and entirely unintelligent. None of them have talked to her or shown any sign of sapience – all they do is gulp down oats and be ridden by the jockeys. She finds this whole situation profoundly unnerving. A ranch hand approaches, and Loretta quickly doffs her accessories and takes on a blank expression – though the gleam of a nervous sweat is clearly visible on her face.It's not race time yet, so you aren't allowed to take Loretta out of the stables unless there's some sort of medical emergency or official sale. Apparently Lightning is the only racehorse allowed to leave for "personal use", due to an exception granted by the racetrack owner himself.You also ask about Haymaker and Whinnyston. The former is a shrimpy, almost emaciated horse with a clear lack of grooming, while the latter is a massive stallion with more muscle than a meat freezer. Loretta says that all of the horses born in the Hippodrome have weird dumb pun names like that.What do?>Chat with the ranch hands>Go to Jebowski's house>Knock out a ranch hand and steal his clothes>Something else?
>>5002853>Chat with a ranch hand about those supplements, there must something weird there, might have to do with the horsenip you found in the warden's office>It's also possible that one of the horses may actually be a spy for the outfit in charge
>>5002973Smart play. Backing it!
>>5002853I want to try putting a hat or accessory on one of the other horses and seeing if I makes a difference
>>5002973You ask a nearby ranch hand about these supplements they're giving the horses. He tells you that they mix a scoop of Ford's Own into every bucket of oats: it’s got your daily dose of macronutrients, a heaping serving of micronutrients, and even a proper helping of mesonutrients, along with 13 vitamins, 8 minerals, and 11 herbs and spices. This stuff is a special formula created right here in the Hippodrome by the owner himself, who happens to be a bit of an inventor – in a few weeks, the ranch hand predicts, a tub of Ford’s Own will be found on the shelves of every general store in the country.Some of the horses don’t like the supplements, the man says, but they’ll eat it if they’ve got no other choice. Once they’re on the Ford’s Own diet, though, they soften up like nothing else.You ask the ranch hand about horsenip. It’s not allowed on the track due to doping concerns, but he does say that horsenip is one of the ingredients that goes into making the supplements.You consider the possibility of one of these horses being a spy. You aren’t sure how you would go about figuring that out, but you warn Loretta to keep an eye out.>>5003135You put your jockey hat on one of the horses. It looks at you dumbly and returns to chewing hay.What do?>Go to Jebowski’s house>Ask where you can talk to the owner>Take Loretta’s revolver or her horsenip>Something else?
>>5003343Look for Fords Own barrel (?)
>>5003343>Go to Jebowski’s house
>>5003387Tell the attendant that Loretta is getting over colic, not to feed her FO
>>5003343>Convince the ranchhands to pass you a free sample of Ford's Own"I got some horses not as...well-behaved as the ones here and some Ford's Own might do the trick.">Whinnyston seems like the most likely suspect due to being much healthier, suspect he got some..special attention in return for cooperation>Haymaker seems like he's being tortured, get Loretta to dig up more info on them when she has the chance>take Loretta's horsenip and go to Jebowski's house, it's time to plant "evidence" of doping
>>5003343Be sure to warn Loretta about the supplements. May have to plan for sneaking her some food so she doesn't have to eat that stuff.SX
>>5003387>>5003398>>5003505>>5004056You prevent the ranch hand from feeding Loretta the supplements, citing a nasty case of colic. The ranch hand relents, but places a bucket of oats in Loretta’s stall anyway, saying that she’ll eat it if she wants to eat it.You replace your bear trap with a hefty scoop of Ford’s Own. Discreetly, you also swap out Loretta’s horsenip for your knife while warning her not to eat the food. She nods, but her stomach rumbles in disagreement. You also tell her to keep an eye out for more info on Whinnyston and Haymaker.>>5003396You head to Jebowski’s house. It’s a lot bigger than you thought it would be.He doesn’t seem to be here right now, although you did see a woman sunbathing in the pool nearby.What do?>Smash stuff with wild abandon>Wait until he comes back and ambush him>Micturate upon his rug>Something else?
>>5005082Draw the blinds so the woman can't see us. Then lift up the rug and piss UNDER it (so the stain isn't visible), read all the papers on the desk and wall, and read the label on the giant key. If it seems important, discreetly smash that picture frame and take the key. Hide the broken frame and glass under the sofa, and hide behind the sofa.
>>5005082Check for Creedence tapes.>sunbathing womanShit, it'll take forever for us to get 1000 dollars.
>>5005082>>5005098Find out which horse is he riding for easier sabotage, then take some of your Ford's Own and make it look like a pile of hash for Jebowski to smoke when he comes back.
>>5005135On that note, fuck, we're probably at the wrong Jebowski's house. Do not micturate upon the rug if we don't find any Creedence. Also tell the sunbathing woman we're here to fix deinen cable.
>>5005082>>5005142Yeah we need to make sure we got the right Jebowski before pissing the rug and planting Ford's Own. So>Check for Creedence tapes>Check if there's money around the house>Read all the papers on the desk and the wall>Read the label on the giant keyDo this first to figure out if we got the right guy.
>>5005082>>5005218also flirt with sunbathing woman just in case
Sorry, no update today. Delays may also increase in length depending on how much free time I have, or lack thereof.
>>5006241Good luck in the real world, QM.
>>5006241Holy crap Lois, it's MC from Western Quest(ern)!
>>5006273Flirt with Lois, just in case.
>>5006292Supporting. Can't ruin the streak.
No update today either.>>5006292You flirt with Lois. Your AFFECTION GAUGE rose by 10%!
>>5007228This is just like I got cucked by the MC from Food Quest!
>>5005098>>5005135>>5005141>>5005218You shut the curtains to hide your impending nefarious deeds. Don’t want the poor woman outside fainting in horror.You piss under the fancy rug, ruining it without leaving a mark. You skim through the papers on the desk – they’re just financial documents related to racing and betting transactions. You also leave a pile of Ford’s Own-doped horsenip lying on the table. You don't see anything that would indicate which horse Jebowski's riding.You check out that giant key, which is apparently The Key to the City. Wow, a key to a whole city? You’ve got to have this.You search for Creedence tapes, but find only an extensive collection of The Eagles. You also find a $5 bill stashed under the rug. Hot damn!+$5.00You now have $7.75.>>5005142>>5005279After tearing up Jebowski’s crib, you head outside and flirt with the sunbathing bombshell. You tell her that your dispatcher says zere’s somezing wrong mit deine kable. The woman gets the hint and winks at you mischievously. She gets up and saunters behind the building, beckoning you to follow – you’re only happy to oblige.She leads you to a server room full of tangled cables. The woman leaves you alone to sort out the ungodly mess.What do?>Start randomly plugging and unplugging cables>Go look for the woman again and interrogate her>See if Jebowski is back>Something else?
>>5008315Check out that laptop and see if it has any useful information, if we can’t access it, just steal it, putting it under our shirt and move the dynamite to our belt
>>5008315Also see what is in that hatch
>>5008315>Put on The Long Run, that album fuckin slaps>Ask bikini lady what Jebowski looks like and also if she's planning on taking any long trips anytime soon>If she gives a different description, look up Jebowski in a phone book
>>5008315>Start randomly plugging and unplugging cables
>>5008315>Wait, why would a horserrider have financial documents related to racing and betting transactions - oh god he's a matchfixer
>>5008315>>5008402WE GOT THE WRONG JEBOWSKIFUUCK
>>5008346+1. Wrong Jebowsky!
>>5008315Looks like that tower's unplugged. Plug it in and see if that fixes deine kable.
>>5008315Look inside the hatch
>>5008409>>5008474he's at least involved with the horse ring, also matchfixing usually involves players
No update today. Going to try for tomorrow.====You find yourself in a shoddy jail cell. The lowered production value, inane plot, and unnatural orange-y coloration indicate you are in some variety of FILLER ADVENTURE. Undoubtedly this adventure will have nothing at all to do with the real quest, and it probably won't be particularly inspired, but at least it takes about 30 seconds to produce. What do?
>>5009262Pick up the key climb the crate and look what's in the space above us
>>5009262Look at the PUMPKIN.
>>5009262Consume the key to gain its powers
>>5008337You inspect the laptop. It appears to be running some sort of program, but you’re no computer geek and can’t make heads or tails of it. You take the laptop with you.>>5008338>>5008824Beneath the mess of tangled wires is a hatch, which you enter to find a small basement.There’s some kind of machine sitting on a pedestal. It’s got four buttons and vaguely resembles a TV remote control. The object is hooked up to cables descending from above, but you see that they can be easily unplugged, and from the lack of dust, the machine has clearly been recently used.When you approach the strange artifact, there’s a peculiar tingle in your brain.>>5008346You head back up and put on some Eagles. It gives you a peaceful easy feeling.You ask the sunbathing woman what Jebowski looks like, and she says he’s an overweight cripple with a three-piece suit and a stick up his ass. She plans to get out for a few months, maybe drive around downtown and waste money on clothes and gambling. Obviously, she won’t inform Jebowski of this; the fat bastard only cares about his stacks.Just to be sure which Jebowski you’re raiding, you hit up the yellow pages. What is this, the 90’s?>>5008395>>5008579You go back to the server room. You have no idea what you’re doing, so you just start randomly swapping around cables. It doesn’t seem to fix anything.You hear Jebowski pulling up in the driveway. Through the walls of the mansion, you hear him chatting with his butler. He’s just heading to his office to grab some papers, then he’ll be down at the racetrack in time for the big race.What do?>Ambush Jebowski>Ignore this guy, get to the racetrack>Get the remote control>Something else?
>>5009548bomb the shopkeeper in the basement for some moneyor maybe we could get steam sale or head of the keeper
>>5009548How does he even ride with the horse since he's a cripple?Unless he has a son, that is, that's doing the riding while he sits his fat ass on the wheelchair
>>5009548Wait just one goldurn cotton pickin minute OP, what did our very retro search of the yellow pages reveal? Another Jebowski, possibly? Also I've seen a lot of spinals dude and this guy's a fake. Ambush him by throwing him out of his chair.>>5010038This whole sequence may or may not be a reference to a movie with a title that rhymes with "The Big Jebowski", In said movie there are two characters with the same first and last name and the plot stems from someone mistaking one for the other.
>>5009548Ambush that guy anyway, he's clearly a part of the scheme
No update today.====>>5009277There's no crate. You look up and see a cobweb.>>5009287Okay.>>5009415You acquire Key Magic.What do?
>>5011131Eat the spider next to get spider powers.
>>5011131Find a door and use key magic on it
>>5011131Wear the cobweb as a makeshift cloak
>>5011131prepare for the spooky month - wear the pumpkin as a mask and the cobweb as a makeshift cloak
>>5011131Use key magic to unlock the Pumpkin's true form.
>>5011212+1. Also unlock our true potential.
Nothing today either.====>>5011141Okay. You can now shoot webs from your ass.>>5011177You use your awe-inspiring key powers to lock the door permanently. >>5011187>>5011189You acquire spooky drip.>>5011212You unlock the pumpkin's face.>>5011393You unlock your true potential, which is to say, very little.
>>5011969Well dang, looks like we'll be here for a while. Fart out a nice comfy web hammock.
>>5011969>Shoot web out of our ass and make a full body web armor, Spider silk is tough right? Even if it isn't it'll look coolio
>>5011969Eat the QM to gain their powers
>>5011969Take the pumpkin off, looks wackFart ourselves a full body web armor
>>5012068Strongly disagree, the pumpkin is a must.
Sorry for the extended delay. I may not have time to work on the actual Western Quest for a while.====>>5011984You spin a snazzy new hammock for good sleepins’.>>5012033>>5012068Because you’ve always been a stickler for authenticity, you knit a Spider-Man costume from your own webs. It’s snug, durable, and provides valuable support for your manly parts.>>5012060You eat the QM. You feel sluggish.
>>5012833no worries, stuff happens and we get busy, we'll wait patientlyalso>Dream of Spooky Sheep
>>5012833Find the qmUnlock his potential
>>5012833No prob, real life comes first. The little side quest is a fun time anyway.>Dream spook dream in preparations for the season.
Nothing today.====>>5012834>>5013334You dream of a spooky sheep. It's so scary, it wakes you up! Ahhhh!!>>5012835You attempt to unlock the QM's potential, but as might be expected, he has none.
>>5013544Hug QM, tell him to please take his timeDream of the spooky sheep againUnlock the dream and get inside
>>5013605This plus>Unlock friendship with spoopy sheep
>>5013544Dream of a door then unlock the dream in order to get out
There may be updates in a few hours.====>>5013605You embrace the QM. Then you're immediately repelled when you catch a whiff of his body odor.>>5013611>>5013629You throw out one of those Psychonauts doors and enter the dream. The spooky sheep is nonplussed.
>>5014553Embrace your inner Welsh heritage and flirt the spooky sheep
>>5014553Ask if there are any "spooky scary skeletons" around
>>5014572>>5014625Both of these.
>>5009623You use your dynamite to blow up the corpse in the corner of the basement. Amid the scraps of rotten flesh, you find a nickel, as well as a Buy One Get One Free coupon.+$0.05You now have $7.80.>>5010038You wonder how this guy rides a horse with no legs, but that question is as unanswerable as how you can type with boxing gloves on.>>5010063You confirm that this is indeed the house of a Mr. Lefferson Jebowski, wealthy entrepreneur and famous philanthropist. He's right here between Jim Jebow and John Ellis Jebush.>>5010328You sneak back into the office and hide behind a lamp. When the unsuspecting businessman rolls in, you spring out and shove him to the floor! As Jebowski flounders on the floor in befuddlement, his butler chases you out while calling the cops.Well, you've successfully messed with Leff Jebowski like those greasers wanted you to do. What's next on your list?>Attack the butler before the fuzz arrives>Head back to the greaser hangout and tell them about it>Kidnap Jebowski, maybe you can get a ransom>Find a way to help Loretta>Something else?
>>5014774Greasers said our mark goes by "The Dud" and none of the documents we went through said this Jebowski we assaulted went by "The Dud", so...>Find a computer and look for Duds in our area
>>5014774>>Head back to the greaser hangout and tell them about itBoy I sure hope that cripple jockey doesn't have an Italian friend that could use some mystical arts to kick our ass
>>5014774>>Find a way to help LorettaWe definitely need to get her food in the short term. And figure out how to stop this horrific lobotomy feed operation from expanding past the experimental phase.
>>5014774We definitely don't want to tangle with zombie Philip Hoffmore Seaman, especially since some dumbass done blowed up all our dynamite. Steal Jebowski's wheelchair then go help Loretta.
>>5014774Supporting >>5014805 with >Find a way to help LorettaThat's priority one. Priority two;>Find a computer and look for Duds in our areabecause >>5014794 is right.
>>5014774Beat up that other guy who looks just like him before we go
When I said "updates", I may have been exaggerating.====>>5014625You ask the sheep about skeletons, but it tells you that you really don't want those guys around.>>5014572You make a raunchy pun about bones. The sheep is instantly enamored.
>>5016778Invite the sheep to a date
>>5016778ask the sheep out with a another pun, maybe something about pumpkin spice
>>5016778bone the sheep instantaneously
Nothing today.====>>5016803>>5016820You finagle your way into a date with the sheep by pulling out your best pumpkin spice-related pickup line, which is so clever that it can't be reproduced in the simple narration of the filler quest.>>5016850You touch the spooky sheep's bone, if you know what I mean.
>>5017395Ride a sheep made of nightmares out of your dream
>>5017395>>5017439+1 to mounting the nightmare sheepThose horns do be big, tho. I hope it's not a ram.
>>5017473...but I'd like to stay in nightmares since it's spooktober
>>5017439Support. Let's break out of our prison with the power of our dreams!
>>5017475Out of "our" dreams nothing said we couldn't go to someone else's nightmare
Nothing today.====>>5017439You "mount" the sheep (wink wink, nudge nudge) and exit your dream.
>>5018583With spooky powers and this sweet ride we shall break out of our prison!
>>5018583Look at the door
>>5018583Have Sheep eat the key.
Going to try for an update tomorrow.====>>5018603You resolve to escape this prison, no matter the cost. Your unshakeable determination increases your party's Self-Confidence by 8.>>5019019The sheep considers eating the key, but this is the same one you ate earlier, and it looks like it's passed through somewhat worse for wear.>>5018668Okay.
>>5019363maybe, and hear me out... we stick the Key... In the door's lock, i know that seems crazy but we have to believe.
Rolled 2 (1d2)>>5019429>>5019363hmm, a bizarre ideagonna flip a coin>1 - Yes>2 - No
>>5019439The dice have spoken, enough with this nonsense! Use the key to chip at the wall. We'll dig through eventually.
>>5019429Why, just>>5019363Eat the keyUnlock the door with key power
>>5019363Guys why are we looking at this door when we have a literal battering ram in the room with us?
>>5014794You use your laptop to look for duds nearby, but you don’t get very far. Seems this “Dud” guy prefers to stay off the grid. You do, however, come across a few “duds” of your own. Whew!Tootin': 4.3 + 0.1 = 4.4>>5016641>>5014813Before you leave, you take the opportunity to give the butler a good wallop while snatching Jebowski’s wheelchair. This thing’ll sell for thousands on the black market.>>5014805>>5015794You decide to help Loretta by sneaking her some food while she continues to spy on this developing plot. You buy a carrot from a convenient vending machine for $0.35 (leaving you with $7.45) and head back to the stables.Loretta has no new information related to the horse feed. She does tell you, though, that the horses for the upcoming race are being held here in the stables for a few minutes before the match starts.>>5014797You can’t think of anything else you could do to help Loretta, so you go hang out with the greasers.The greasers are in a panic! Their leader, who was supposed to compete in the race, applied too much hair gel and suffered a terrible top-heaviness incident. He’s in no shape to race now. You try to show them the wheelchair you stole from Jebowski, but they’re too preoccupied with the head greaser’s predicament.What do?>Volunteer to be the greasers’ jockey>Ditch these guys and do something else>Mess with the other racers’ horses before the match starts>Free the leader by removing his pompadour>Something else?
>>5020447>Mess with the other racers’ horses before the match starts
>>5020447>Volunteer to be the greasers’ jockey>Mess with the other racers’ horses before the match starts>Look around to see if you can spot The Dud
>>5020447Pour some booze on his head, alcohol breaks down sticky shit
Another update coming tomorrow.====>>5019429That sounds like a stupid idea, but you're desperate... nope, you can't figure out how these two objects fit together. Probably wouldn't have worked anyway.>>5019440You chip at the wall. You extract a pile of wall shavings.>>5019473You eat the key, again, gaining incredibly powerful key majicks^2! And a serious case of halitosis.With your newfound powers, you majick open the lock easily.>>5019561You unleash your battering ram. After coating the door with flour and eggs, the spooky sheep smashes open the door, freeing you from the jail cell.
>>5022100Ram the guard
>>5022100>Offer the guard to start a ram ranch
>>5020447>Volunteer to be the greasers’ jockey>Mess with the other racers’ horses before the match starts>Check for sabotage of the hair gel
>>5020499In the stables, you take the opportunity to pour a bunch of booze in the racehorses’ feed, using up half the bottle in the process. That should do some damage.>>5021983You head back to the greasers, where you kneel in front of the incapacitated leader and pour another quarter of the bottle on his pompadour. The alcohol breaks down the head greaser’s head grease, freeing him… but it seems to have a pernicious effect on his hairstyle.>>5020558While their leader collapses in tears from the loss of his laboriously-coiffed pomp, you decide to be the bigger man and volunteer as the greasers’ new jockey. With no other options, the desperate delinquents accept, and they send you off to the racetrack.(1/3)
The greasers have decided to make you their representative in the race. Win this for them and the greasers will finally have their time in the limelight, and maybe they’ll even receive special benefits from the owner of the Hippodrome himself.You’ve been loaned the greasers' horse, Lightning, for this task. You wanted to get Loretta, but apparently racers aren’t allowed to interact with horses new to the Hippodrome, for whatever reason. You hop on Lightning’s back – she’s a fine horse, but something about her strikes you as… empty. You get the feeling she won’t be of much use besides riding.As a new racer, you’re placed in the very back: 12th place. The jockeys ahead of you stare hungrily at the start of the track, their horses champing at the bit. This is gonna be tough – if you want to win, you might have to pull off something sneaky…You look around for The Dud, or for anyone who might conceivably be called The Dud. You see nobody matching that vague description. You do, however, see an empty space. Maybe this Dud is running late? It'd certainly be very dudly of him.The race is about to start. A race steward counts down: 3! 2! 1! Blam! You and the other racers take off!(2/3)
You’re currently in 12th place. Your horse Lightning is still in good shape; she’s at maybe 93% fuel by your best estimate. Just ahead of you is another jockey. His horse looks wobbly, almost like it's drunk – the fruits of your alcoholic sabotage. A devilish thought flits through your mind: one good smack from a thrown object ought to take him out of the running… The race stewards are watching closely, so shooting him with a gun is out of the question, but maybe something green would blend into the background.You suddenly spot three colorful glass boxes lying on the track. You think quickly – in a few seconds, you could smash open one of the boxes and grab whatever’s inside. You’d have to discard something in your inventory first.What do?>See what’s inside box 1>See what’s inside box 2>See what’s inside box 3>Something else?(3/3)
>>5023393You consider the idea that the head greaser's hair gel was deliberately meddled with. Too bad you're racing right now.
>>5023418Drop laptop, grab mushroom
>>5023418>Throw out our lasso>See what’s inside box 3>Yoshi the horse ahead of usMight trip one of the horses starting the second lap and it's easy to replace in case we can't recover it, right?
>>5023418>>5023425This except we throw our lasso at the horse infront of us
>>5023504Our lasso isn't green, the stewards might notice.
>>5023425Fuck that, lasso's been with us since the very beginning of thread 1. Throw out the booze, it's gotta be at least half empty by now.
>>5023723Can't we juat get a new one?
>>5023734It's our lucky lasso. And we only have a sip of booze left.
>>5023418Changing my vote (>>5023425) (I'm the local phonefag) to:>Throw the bottle of booze at box 1>See what’s inside box 3>Yoshi the horse ahead of us>>5023737Okay, sounds about convincing enough. Since broken glass will have no effect on the horseshoes, let's yeet the bottle at the mushroom box.Maybe we can prevent other racers from getting a power up. Maybe we will collect it instead. Maybe the bottle will collect it. Maybe it will become mushroom booze. Maybee.Do you anons think we can recruit Lightning to our team if we help her sober up? She does have undeniable swag.
Guys, the >something green hint is clearly about the Green Shell in Box 3. We shouldn't throw the booze unless it also comes in a green bottle.
>>5023418Throw booze bottle at box 1, grab what's in box 3, employ it as a weapon if it's green.
>>5023418>See what’s inside box 2I see something shiny, let us embrace our inner J*w
>>5023418>Keep Lasso>Throw out almost empty bottle of booze>Grab shell box 3. >Hit yoshi horse for tax fraud with shell.>>5023778Another man owns that horse. Not to mention Lightning and the rest of the race horses seem to have been chemically lobotomized. Or at least heavily stuppored.See the comment by OP that the new horses aren't allowed to race.
>>5023723>>5023778>>5023851>>5024323>>5024329You chuck your almost-empty bottle of booze at the farthest box, shattering both and knocking away the mushroom held inside. Then, you bend down and swing your hand through the closest box, grabbing a green turtle shell in the process.While your fellow racer struggles with his intoxicated horse, you sneakily fling the shell into the horse’s legs. Direct hit! The unfortunate jockey spins out of control and gets left in the dust.(1/2)
You advance to 11th place. Your horse is currently at 86% fuel. In front of you is a beefy rider on a beefier horse. Even in the middle of the race, the lunk is lifting kettle bells and chugging protein powder. This dude is a jock – he surely respects physical prowess and intimidation factor over intelligence or charisma. If you can prove yourself manly enough, you might be able to talk this guy into letting you pass.You try to get the jock’s attention, but he doesn’t seem to notice. You look closer: he’s got a pair of earbuds lodged firmly in his ears; you’re not gonna be able to chat with him with those things blasting motivational music directly into his brains. He’s too far away to tap him on the shoulder, and throwing things at him doesn’t seem conducive to conversation. Hmm…Tootin' check for convincing the jock to let you pass:Roll 1d20 +4 (Tootin’) +1 (alcohol) -1 (pickle) -6 (not aligned with jocks) -20 (has his earbuds in). At least 14 to pass. Bonus for plausible write-ins.Alternatively, you can just speed past him, but it’ll cost another 7% of your fuel.What do?>Talk the jock into letting you pass (must remove earbuds first)>Speed past the jock>Throw something at him to get his attention (will piss him off)>Something else?(2/2)
>>5024458well, we could use the magnet to pull his earbuds off, but I don't know how to convince him
>>5024458>Talk the jock into letting you pass (must remove earbuds first)Use magnet on airbuds. "Wanna bet you're not tough enough to win if you let me pass?
Rolled 4 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>5024567Forgot the roll
Rolled 4 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>5024458Supporting (>>5024567).
>>5024323Okay, so lemme explain why I thought that could be possible>Another man owns that horseWe just destroyed his Pompadour, he might be inclined to abandon racing as a result of PTSD.Greasers never seemed personally attached to her anyway, to them she's more like a shiny property.>Chemically lobotomized, r at least heavily stuppored.Exactly. We don't even know what is it. That's why I said help her sober up and see if that changes anything.And finally, I don't wanna replace Loretta, just have a cool fresh-looking horse join our team if the stars align correctly.Think of the logistics, too: new item slot, new combat action, ability to transport a second person/body on a separate horse, impressing women with a well-kept mustang...
Rolled 15 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>5024458Support >>5024570Also you know what happens to people who wear earbuds on the road.
>>5024831they get totalled
Rolled 5 (1d20)>>5024458>magnet on earbuds>You know that protein powder has estrogen in it right? You're deactivating your almonds bro!
>>5024633>impressing women with a well-kept mustangI don't know man I hear Willie Nelson had trouble with a certain yellow haired lady who liked his "extra" horsehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuyzrqEA2DQ
Rolled 3 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>5024926Supporting this!
Rolled 7 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>5024567Since I forgot to roll
No update today.====>>5022167The spooky sheep smashes the guard in the face with its horns, knocking him out cold.>>5022235You ask the guard if he wants to start a ram ranch, and take his silence as a "yes". Only 16 more to go!
>>5025608>Only 16 more to go!>Check the showers for hot buff cowboys
>>5025608Unlock the guard's outfitRide the sheep up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A and Start
Life is frying my brain. Expect real updates to be infrequent.====>>5025634His clothes vanish.You perform a complicated dance with the sheep. You gain 30 lives!>>5025611Conveniently, the showers are right next door to your cell.You encounter a naked guard. He doesn't seem happy to have his privacy invaded.
>>5026638>Hey nosebleed, you better tell me how to get out of here before I make this Thread become Rated R
>>5026638No prob QM. These little side stories are fun, and if you are getting overwhelmed by life no problem to take a break.
>>5026638Web the two naked guards together.
Nothing today.====>>5027588You stick the two naked men into a compromising position.>>5026671Fortunately, the other naked guard is a homophobe and gladly reveals the weakness of this prison. He tells you that you'll have to ascend five floors, each boasting a more fiendish trial than the last. Your freedom awaits at the top of the tower.You're thoroughly intimidated, at least until you remember that this is a filler quest and the trials will probably all be stupid and poorly thought out.
>>5027594Rendesvous with spooky sheep and head upstairs.
>>5027594Ride forth to victory!
>>5027594Ride that sheep hard
>>5027594[Insert Innuendo here] the sheep and ride like a ghost rider
Nothing today.====>>5027666>>5027737>>5028074>>5028132You ride that ass like a stallion, even though the sheep is neither of those things.You arrive at the stairs of the first floor. You are blocked by a gnome.
>>5028556Tell him to go back to garden and touch some grass
>>5028556Grab the gnome, we gotta get that Steam achievement.
>>5029113Oh shit your right we need to get him to the satellite
>>5029113damn you're right!>>5028556Grab Chompski and continue worth!
Nothing today.====>>5028560You tell the gnome to touch grass. He says he doesn't care + didn't ask + ratio + you're white.>>5029113You grab that gnome, but he gnoms you.
>>5029506Use key magic to unlock his [/spoiler]teeth[/spoiler]
>>5029506Smash gnome against the wall until he lets go and then shove that parking cone hat up his ass
>>5029506Use key magic to unlock his teethThen smash him against the wall until he lets go and then shove that parking cone up his assTell him he's the same color as us. Always has been.Then unlock the cone up his asscombo this shit
>>5024489>>5024567>>5024831>>5024926You use your magnet to pull the earbuds right off the jock’s head. Apparently he was listening to a playlist consisting entirely of farting noises and screaming sound effects? What a psycho.You ride up next to the jock and tell him that, since he’s such a manly guy, he should be able to beat you easily even if he lets you past him. He puffs his chest up and says that he’s too confident in his manliness to be swayed by such obvious trickery, so you pivot to another strategy. You inform the jock that his protein powder will give him bitch tits and his muscles won’t help him if he gets run over by a truck – he immediately looks self-conscious and discreetly pulls over to check on his manlihood.(1/2)
You advance to 10th place. Your horse is currently at 79% fuel. On the track ahead, you see a grid of colorful tiles painted on the floor, and you instinctively screech to a halt. The 9th place racer seems about as befuddled as you are. In the spirit of competition, he tells you the rules of the challenge:- You can only move in the four cardinal directions to directly adjacent tiles. (Have you ever seen a horse moving diagonally? I didn’t think so.)- Tiles marked with an X are impassable.- Tiles marked with an orange will make you smell like oranges.- Tiles marked with an arrow will push you onto the tile that the arrow points to. Stepping on an arrow tile also makes you smell like lemons.- Tiles with water can be moved through freely as if they were unmarked tiles. However, they contain vicious piranhas that will prevent you from crossing if you smell like oranges. The piranhas hate lemons and ignore anything that smells lemony.- Tiles with a lightning bolt will shock you if you touch them, preventing you from crossing. They also electrify any directly adjacent water tiles, which will also shock you.Leaving the track at any time will get you disqualified. You could, however, make your horse tiptoe on the border between the track and the turf, but it would be exhausting for Lightning. 7% exhausting, in fact.What do?>Just solve the puzzle>Tiptoe past the puzzle>Bribe the other jockey to solve the puzzle for you>Something else?(2/2)
>>5030677Picrel, assuming we can change directions and the water won't wash off the orange smell.If water does end up removing our orange effect, lasso the oranges (marked with yellow) onto ourselves or use laptop to hack that orange tile onto the empty one we'll be passing through.Also keep the laptop above the water.
>>5030696thats wrong, water after oranges is bad, you need to go through an arrow first
>>5030677Wait a minute, this puzzle, could it possibly be a Un-*BANG*Sorry about that, what I meant to say this puzzle seems very Understandable.>Just move to the water, then the orange then the empty space then arrow which makes us lemony so we can move trough water and head straight forward
>>5030754Oh fuck me I can't read for shit aaaaaaaaaahh
>>5030754>>5030790Wait, shouldn't that last water tile be electrified? >They also electrify any directly adjacent water tiles, which will also shock you.
>>5030677I might be dumb.
>>5031090+1This one actually checks out.
>>5031066Wait shit you're right>>50310900kay this actually looks good
>>5031090SupportAlso WATCH OUT FOR THE DOG IN A CAR OTHER RACER
You easily slip through the maze, while the other racer sings for some reason.Halfway across the track, you see two figures running to the starting line. It’s Leff Jebowski and his butler! You wonder how he’s going to get on his horse, but he takes out some kind of metal sphere and drives it into the side of the horse – there’s a spinning blur, and suddenly Jebowski is perfectly mounted. With a *foomp*, the horse takes off at inhuman (inequine?) speeds, leaving the last two jockeys in the dust!The Dud arrives! As expected of the wastoids’ best racer, Jebowski is moving at breakneck speeds – he’ll catch up with you quickly unless you try to stall him. And he looks like he’s out for blood! Every time Jebowski catches up with you, he’ll try to sabotage you somehow, and it’ll undoubtedly get more intense as you near the finish line.(1/2)
You advance to 9th place. Your horse is currently at 72% fuel. In front of you are two racers with terrible fashion sense, no social skills, and a B.O. so thick you could cut it – nerds! They’re arguing about something stupid and trivial, as is the case any time you put two nerds together. These two seem to be debating who the strongest character is, lore-wise, in some dumb old video game you’ve never heard of. Being this close to the concentrated geekery is going to burn your eyebrows off… but maybe you can flex a bit of gamer knowledge of your own and impress the nerds enough to let you pass. You could also just bend over and grab that dangerous-looking bomb over there, and blast the two eggheads into smithereens. Or you could spend 14% of your fuel trying to overtake them.What do?>Put forth a well-researched argument on the canonically strongest character in Super Smashing Fighters>Gish gallop the nerds into thinking you know what you're talking about (Tootin’ check, medium difficulty)>Grab one of the items (can be done while arguing, requires free inventory slot)>Speed past them (costs 14% fuel)>Something else?(2/2)
>>5031371>Put forth a well-researched argument on the canonically strongest character in Super Smashing Fighters>Obviously Danky Kang is the strongest dudes, have you seen what apes can do man? Those fuckers will tear you to shreds! Jamie pull up a video.also I fucking knew the dude had Spin on his side
>>5031371>Scream "FORTNITE FORTNITE FORTNITE!" till they get brain aneurysm and fall of their horses.
>>5031371Show the nerds the program on the laptop you could not make heads or tails out of and ask what it does.
>>5031419Big brain, +1
>>5031419Support, +2! If they're too snobby/busy for us, accuse them of being fake nerd bois.
>>5031371>>5031391>>5031419SupportAlso show them the apple/epic lawsuit and have them figJRANNht over who was right
Nothing today.====>>5029508You unlock the gnome's teeth, freeing your arm. The gobsmacked gnome gnashes his gums ghoulishly.>>5029512You swing the gnome against the wall, smacking him silly, and follow it up with a humiliating colonoscopy.>>5029585You tell the gnome he's just as orange-y brownish as you are. The gnome's Appreciation for Diversity goes up by +3.You unlock the hat. The interaction between your unlocking magic and the gnome's latent nature powers creates a powerful reaction within the hat, filling it with pure mana.
>>5032276Ask the sheep for advice
>>5032276Kick the gnome in the ass for a good measure.Ride sheep upstairs.In retrospect, we could've simply unlocked the path upstairs.
>>5032276Drink the mana
>>5032276>Don't buttchug the mana dumbass... Instead pour it out to a glass cup to enjoy it like a refined spooker
>>5031391+1, but AFTER >>5031419 if they don't comply, then take an item
Nothing today.====>>5032283The sheep says you need more fiber in your diet.>>5032494>>5032593You enjoy a tall glass of ass mana. You gain 1 skill point!>>5032288You dropkick the gnome out of sight and go upstairs.You find yourself in a dense maze of store shelves. You can hardly see anything through the wide array of affordable household products.
>>5033175Look for some mouthwash, we definitely need it
>>5033175Unlock the Cocaine Eyes skill to see the hidden floor lines guiding through the IKEA Maze.Follow the lines.>>5033197Also this along the way.And see if we can get some realisationsvinstbeskattning
>>5033175fuck this just ram through everything
>>5033175Find a vantage point, locate the exit, then >>5033238
>>5033175Get our sheep a shark plushie
>>5033247show it the LUDDE sheep fur and let it go on a murderous rampage
There may be an update later today.====>>5033197You wash your mouth out with the contents of a BALUNGEN. You have acquired the effect Minty Fresh.>>5033199You look with your special eyes. On the floor is a JÄRNSPARV pointing the way out! Unfortunately, it seems they're all out of REALISATIONSVINSTBESKATTNING.>>5033247You buy your sheep a cuddly BLÅHAJ.>>5033238>>5033245>>5033264You climb up a shelf to get a better view of your surroundings, but there's nothing except an endless field of consumer goods.Your sheep sees the LUDDE and goes berserk! You point it in the direction of the JÄRNSPARV and let it wreak havoc. The sheep topples several SMÅGÖRAS before an employee frantically yells at you to stop.
>>5034268Pierce the employee with cocaine vision and obsessively continue following the JÄRNSPARVAR
>>5034272+1. Where were you when we urgently needed closet counseling?
>>5034268Use magic powers and scoop all the information the employee has in their mind so you can escape the infinity BJÖRGUNSKULLEN
>>5034413What are you talking about anon? I only joined the quest near the end of last thread.t. phonefag
Couldn't make time for an update, unfortunately. It doesn't seem like I'll be able to update for at least a few more days, either.====>>5034420You use your key powers to open the employee's mind. He becomes less homophobic.>>5034272You shoot a cocaine laser from your eyes, vaporizing the employee's head instantly.You follow the arrows for at least 15 minutes before you reach some kind of ramshackle village assembled from cheap particleboard and plastic chairs. Blocking your path is a guard dressed in tattered clothing.
>>5034885Unlock his loincloth and move onAsk the sheep if she remembers this SCP's lore>unfortunatelyHonestly, this sidequest does not feel even close to a downgrade despite being less effort.I will actually miss it if it just cuts off abruptly.
>>5034885>''Ahoy there tribalist, allow me to pass trough or I'll make you less homophobic.''>>5034891 I bet when Halloween hits we have to fight like a super spooky boss
>>5034885Thanks for doing these short updates, OP, even if you can't manage the long ones. It means a lot to know that you're still around (and this is fun).Would you consider maybe cutting down the scale of the main quest, after we're done with this subplot, to let you update it more easily?Also remember the plot of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vcq1lLCgk7E and keep an eye out for anyone named Connor.
Nothing today.====>>5034893You tell the guard to move aside, but he stands firm.>>5034891You magic away the guard's clothing. Now freed from the restrictive apparel, some long-repressed sexuality bubbles up from within the man, and he jumps for joy as he embraces his true self.You ask the sheep what it knows about this location. It replies that this is the one where some task force goes into an abandoned facility from an alternate universe and the whole thing is written like an action movie.You hear an alarm clock ring as the store lights begin to dim. The villagers hastily shut themselves into their homes.>>5034928Yeah, I have a bad habit of trying to stuff more and more complication and visual detail into a quest as it goes on. I should probably keep it simpler in the future.
>>5036323Better find somewhere to hide
>>5036323>the whole thing is written like an action movie>you hear an alarm clock ring as the store lights begin to dimJust sit down with the sheep and enjoy the ride>some long-repressed sexuality bubbles up from within the man, and he jumps for joy as he embraces his true selfW-What have we done? We are a monster!
>>5036410We have a plot armor, tho
Nothing today.====>>5036412You're no coward. Secure in your status as main character, you simply lay back on an ÄPPLARÖ as the store turns pitch black.An employee approaches. He tells you that the store is closed.
>>5037635Tell him we're not shopping and offer him an ÄPPLARÖ.We can enjoy the chaos together and if he tries anything funny, just unlock his head from his neck.
>>5037635Unlock his mind
>>5037635fuck with his mind then go back chilling
Nothing today.====>>5037658You pat on an open seat and invite him to take a load off, but the employee follows the sigma grindset.>>5037785>>5037867The employee continues to menace you, so you open his mind.A couple of villagers see your display of magical ability. Impressed, they ask if you can help them defend the town against an approaching siege of monsters.
>>5038253What's in it for me?
>>5038253Blackmail them for Ikea foodstuffs.
>>5038253Accept the offer only if they give horseballs and directions as a reward
>>5038253>The villagers hastily shut themselves into their homes.How nice of them to ask us for help now. We really are the MC.Accept the offer only if they give you deluxe items for the main quest and directions. This was a DLC all along.
Nothing today.====>>5038419>>5038420>>5038481>>5038508They offer you a plate of delicious meatballs with a side of ligmaberry jam, and throw in a map to the next floor for free. You barely have time to admire their hospitality before a horde of screeching employees appears from the maze of shelves.
>>5039369Throw those gifts at them to appease the employees
>>5039369Just unlock the good (not soppy) ending and leave this place a hero.
>>5039369Unlock their feet
>>5039369Unlock our inner animal and rip them to pieces along with our ram buddy (lol)
>>5039478she's not a ram
>>5039483likes to ram though
>>5039516likes to ram but no cock
>>5039541Typical politician, all cum, no cock
Nothing today.====>>5039429You give an employee some meatballs. Even though he gets a discount, he appreciates the gift.>>5039434You unlock an employee's feet. They become loose.>>5039478You unlock your inner animal. You take a kitten out from your shirt and hand it to one of the employees.>>5039430The employees are placated. You have achieved the Pacifist Ending.
>>5040087Nice Now let's do a Genocide run
>>5040087Become their messiah and lead them from thus land (to the next level)
>>5040087No genocide or meatballs, this vote is just leave.You put more effort in that cat that I do in my life
>>5040176*to just*than I do
>>5040087Go to the next level
>>5040109Fine, dream of Genocide then fuck off
Nothing today.====>>5040137You think about what would have happened if you had just killed everybody. You'll save that for the next playthrough.Instead, you tell all of the villagers and employees to come with you to the next floor.The third floor appears to be a thickly wooded forest. It's a foggy night and the moon casts only the barest of illumination. You feel like you're being watched.
New threaden when
>>5041795Send everyone to next thread
>>5031371You suddenly snap out of a daydream. Man, it feels like you've been zoning out for two weeks now or something.You dimly remember that there were a bunch of wacky game mechanics at play here, but you think you're just going to forget about them for now, because they were getting too convoluted for you to keep track of. When the next thread comes around (you're still not sure what that means) you'll probably wrap this whole puzzle gauntlet thing up quickly so you can get back to miscellaneous cowboy adventures.
>>5043915Yeah smart thinking QM, don't burden yourself down too much, your type of quest works best in chaos and bizzare situations.