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You’re STANLEY PARBLE: a girl with a weird name and an even weirder tale: after a centuries-old lich woke up during your graveyard shift at the GOOD BOY DOGGIE BONE factory, your simple life of janitorial work became a bit more… Complicated.

Sure, you became pals with your now-sentient skeleton (you named him LY) AND gained some nifty super powers from eating MAGICAL BONE MARROW, but that doesn’t change the fact that your hometown of Clearwater, California is overrun by HOMICIDAL SKELETONS Even worse, the guy in charge is dead-set on taking over the rest of the world while he’s at it. Not cool!

It’s not all doom and gloom, though--on top of beating your fellow janitor and arch-nemesis BORIS in an ARMORED VAN RACE, you were also finally rewarded with a VIP BUNKER in the massive doomsday shelter run by your quasi-evil employers! Getting some much-needed rest with your partners in crime, you also managed to delve deeper into your past bouts with memory loss thanks to a video tape provided by GOOD BOY’S Chief of Security: BLUMENKRANTZ.

Not to be outdone by your character development, your kidnapping victim-turned friend ART finally revealed how he managed to juke Death’s grasp in a lengthy and questionable flashback sequence. Say what you will about his storytelling skills, it’s good to have the Rent-A-Cop back!

After all, you’ll need all the help you can get! Though you’re HALF-WAY through the lich’s lieutenants, three still remain--one of which has his corsair cronies raiding CLEARWATER UNIVERSITY: a coastal college that just so happens to be where ART and three other wannabe filmmaker allies of yours, EDDIE, TUCKER, and KIKI, currently attend! Gearing up for a college tour of your own, you and your best pal SYBIL, Goth Mage and occult podcaster, took a moment to grab a few gifts for your teammates.

As fate would have it, however, your shopping trip was interrupted by the appearance of THE ORDER OF THE WANDERING EYE--a group of local occult fanatics with a penchant for wearing goofy robes and maintaining the magical barrier around GOOD BOY’S aforementioned doomsday shelter. It also doesn’t help that their leader, CURT BLACQUIERE, hangs out with BORIS.

Surrounded by LARPERs in a shady fallout bunker tunnel, THIS is where your story continues…
https://youtu.be/_wiwdlu-Zg0
>>
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>>4929538
Welcome to BONES QUEST--pushing the limits of what counts as storytelling since November 2020! Make sure to check out the following resources:

Archive Link to catch up with the story!
>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Bones%20quest

Twitter account for updates!
>https://twitter.com/DemBonez3

Imgur Page for quest and FAN ART!
>https://imgur.com/a/dvF3SCN

A HANDY PASTEBIN for INVENTORY, SKILLS, and MORE:
>https://pastebin.com/u/DemBonez3/1/TvtRhtJK

Rolls are handled by a 1d100--I take the BEST OF THREE ROLLS! Certain boosts and maluses will be applied based on the situation and existing skills. Describing your actions, write-ins, and GENERAL CREATIVITY are all APPRECIATED AND REWARDED--we like to keep things LIGHT and CHILL here, so come on in and have some fun!

>CONTD.
>>
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Stanley Parble…” drones a masculine voice from the crowd of robed freaks,

“We’ve been looking for you…” purrs a feminine voice.

Whipping around to face them both, you and your team come face to face with two robed figures--their eyes glowing beneath their hoods with ethereal light!

“D’aww maaaaan.” Ly whines. “We shoulda stayed in bed...”

Trying and failing to ignore the hair rising on your neck, you couldn’t agree more… As the crowd of ORDER MEMBERS draws closer, you and your pals form a circle facing outwards.

“It was only a matter of time before that fossil Curt bared his fangs…” Syb hisses on your right, eyes glowing with their own brand of magical energy. “Just say the word, Stan…”

Your neighbor and pizza delivery man extraordinaire Gus covers your left, wordlessly cracking his massive knuckles at the approaching mages. Tucker, Art, and Eddie’s feet shuffle nervously behind your back--guess this is as ready as you’re gonna be!

“Careful, cupcake,” warns Ly from inside your body, “We don’t know what dese’ guys are capable of…”

True, but they don’t know what you’re capable of either! What’s the plan, Stan?
>ARMOR UP AND TACKLE THE NEAREST ONE!
>ASK THEM WHAT THE HELL THEY WANT!
>ZAP THE CROWD WITH YOUR LASER EYE!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4929547
>ASK THEM WHAT THE HELL THEY WANT!
Lets maybe not jump directly to violence in a crowded area
>>
>>4929547
>>ASK THEM WHAT THE HELL THEY WANT!
>>
>>4929547
>ASK THEM WHAT THE HELL THEY WANT!
>>
>>4929547
>ASK THEM WHAT THE HELL THEY WANT!
>>
>>4929555
>>4929556
>>4929616
>>4929646
>DIPLOMANCY!

Writing!
>>
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Take it easy, Stan--these guys may look intimid-okay, nah, you can’t say that with a straight face… They may look KOOKY, but they haven’t attacked yet--you’ve played enough games to know that if they wanted you dead they wouldn’t get this close, right?

“Stan?”

Maybe launch a fireball or something…

Stan??

Roused from your thoughts, you shoot an annoyed glance at Art. Who ELSE would it be? Whaaaaat? You growl.

“Could uh… Could you stop narrating your thoughts, please?” He pleads as everyone in the tunnel gives you a sympathetic glance. You respond with a curt shake of your head. NEVER.

“Perhaps it would be best if we-”
“-Explained ourselves.” The mages interject. The taller, more masculine-shaped mage (however masculine you can appear in a full-cover bathrobe) steps forward and greets you with a deep bow.

“I am an Acolyte of THE ORDER OF THE WANDERING EYE. You may call me… DARYL.

“An I DEBBIE.” adds the other mage.

I am known as RANDALL.” drones another robe-wearer as he steps forward.

“And I am-”

Cheese LOUISE, get to the POINT! Taken aback by your interruption, the other ORDER MEMBERS politely, albeit dejectedly, go silent as Daryl clears his throat.

“Yes, well… You have done well, Stanley…”

“Indeed!” Debbie agrees, nodding her hood. “THREE PHYLACTERIES remain--each sequestered away in thralls wielding unimaginable power!

Sighing impatiently, you gesture for them to hurry up--tell us something we DON’T know!

“We’re well aware of the circumstances.” Syb nods, still in a defensive stance. “And we’re also very busy shopping. Is there a reason you saw fit to accost us here in this tunnel?”

The group of robe-wearing schmucks shoot glances around their circle.

“Ah. Sincerest apologies.” Daryl remarks in an embarrassed tone. “We have just come from the CANTEEN--we were all peckish, so we thought it prudent to dine together…”

“That establishment’s portions are NOT OF THIS WOOOORLD!” Debbie adds, eliciting a round of agreements from the Cloak Crew. “But that is irrelevant.”

You shrug--is it though? Do you have time to hit that place up again before you leave? You’re craving those fries agai-

Your thoughts are once again interrupted, this time by a flick to the back of the head! Yelping in surprise, your glare meets the red lenses of Art’s helmet as he steps forward to talk. What the HELL, DICK!?!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4929792
“So erm… What DID you guys wanna talk about?” Art asks, dodging your retaliatory flicks.

“An INVESTMENT.” Replies Daryl.

THE ORDER recognizes your talents, but also your free will.” Debbie explains as she gestures for one of their associates to step forward. Another robe-clad freak scampers free of the crowd carrying a SMALL, ORNATE TUBE, its contents rattling in the mage’s hands.

“Therefore, in the interest of mutual cooperation and trust...” Daryl begins,

“... we wish to bestow upon you a gift. Or rather…” Debbie turns her obscured face in Sybil’s direction. “Bestow upon her...”

Before your Goth pal can protest, the carrier mage deposits the TUBE in her hands and retreats to the crowd. Examining its contents, Syb’s eyes glow with interest!

“This is-”

“A SPELL, yes.” Debbie answers with a nod. Popping open the tube reveals its contents: a rolled-up piece of parchment covered in… you dunno, Spanish or something.

“Two of the remaining LIEUTENANTS currently reside near the COAST.” Daryl explains. “Therefore we bequeath unto you a gift that should prove useful in tracking them down.”

“I-this is…” Sybil mutters under her breath, “You’re certain?”

“With out compliments.” Daryl chuckles. “Your methods may differ from ours, but we share the same goals, Ms. Castellanos.”

Well that’s just great--Syb gets a spell and you’re just left in the lurch? LAME!

“To be fair, cupcake, you’ve been gettin’ a lotta powers lately.” Ly counters, putting you in a worse mood.

“You don’t understand, Stan…” Syb whispers under her breath. “This… This could be very useful--and you don’t just find spells lying around…”

“What does it do, anyways?” Gus asks, looking over Syb’s shoulder with interest.

“Well…” She begins, “If I’m reading correctly, this spell is called…”

>BUBBLE! Creates a pressurized and air-filled, albeit fragile, bubble that can hold 1-3 people! Holds as long as the user can concentrate!
>FISH FORM! A transmogrification spell that turns the target into a FISH that retains the ability to speak and think! Can last up to an hour!
>JET STREAM! Creates a current in water that can propel things at breakneck speed!
>>
>>4929796
>FISH FORM! A transmogrification spell that turns the target into a FISH that retains the ability to speak and think! Can last up to an hour!
Plans are forming in my mind....
>>
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>>4929796

>FISH FORM! A transmogrification spell that turns the target into a FISH that retains the ability to speak and think! Can last up to an hour!

This! This is a thing of absolute BEAUTY.
>>
>>4929796
JET STREAM
>>
>>4929828
>>4929840
>BE EFISHENT!

>>4929861
>JETS DO IT!

Writing!
>>
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FISH FORM!” Syb recites, eyes positively GLOWING with anticipation!

“Correct.” Daryl nods with a chortle. “Much like GLAMOUR, that spell transmogrifies the target into-”

“A sentient, talking fish!” interrupts your Goth pal eagerly! “I’ve read about similar incantations in druidic texts, but this…” Syb pauses to take a breath before looking at the mages. “This is… Thank you...”

“Use caution:” Debbie warns, leaning in close for all of you to hear. “The spell has less of a chance of working on an UNWILLING TARGET.

“Moreover, once one becomes a fish, they might find it difficult to breathe out of water…” Daryl adds, raising a finger in the air like a teacher. “Please use caution in its use, Ms. Castellanos.”

“Always do!” Syb replies, eliciting a few uncomfortable coughs from the rest of the gang. “Oh don’t START--I just got a little angry back there! I’m FINE now!”

“W-whatever you say…” Eddie mutters as he, Tucker, and Art recoil a bit. Groaning, Syb turns back to you and Gus with a confident smirk.

“Don’t worry, Stan--I’ll have this memorized by the time we’re on the road!”

“Yes, of course…” Daryl muses aloud. “We won’t keep you any longer. Though before we go…”

“Do be sure to visit us in the future, Stanley.” Debbie giggles, handing you a CARD WITH AN EYE MOTIF. “We operate out of the ADMINISTRATION WING--

“And our doors are always open to you.” Daryl concludes. Staring at his counterpart as if he had just remembered a joke, the mage bursts into a slow, boisterous laugh that his fellow brothers and sisters quickly join! Annoyed, you cross your arms and bare your snaggletooth. Are they DONE? You’ve got stuff to do!

“Until then, Stanley!” Getting the last word, Daryl and the others vanish into a puff of green, malodorous smoke leaving you and Syb with your gifts.

“That could have gone worse.” Tucker muses, prompting a round of nods from the group.

“Yea,” Art agrees, “But let’s get going before anyone else decides to corner us-”

“Like those guys are doing?” Gus grunts, pointing a finger at the approaching group of Good Boy Security Goons.

“... Yea.” Art groans, “Like those guys…”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4930046
You only have to watch them for a second before you recognize them--cocky struts, perpetual snickering, and a familiar ringleader at the head of the gang.

“Well well!” Grunts the pack leader in his unforgettable Southern drawl. “You remember your pal TEDDY, right, Parble? We’ve been looking for ya--you gave us something of a cold shoulder last time…”

A layer of ice crystals slowly form around Syb’s hands. “THESE morons again…” She hisses.

“You uh… You know each other?” Eddie asks, slowly reaching for his weapon.

“Gotta say, Stan--you got pretty popular.” Gus mutters, crossing his arms as he watches the group approach.

“Don’t be like that--we just wanna talk!

Sure they do. The question is, what do you wanna do?

>OPEN FIRE--GET THE JUMP ON ‘EM!
>ARMOR UP AND CHARGE!
>LET ‘EM TALK. MAYBE THEY ACTUALLY DO WANT SOMETHING!
>WRITE-IN

PASTEBIN UPDATED WITH NEW ITEMS AND SPELL!
>>
Also gonna head to dinner soon, so updates might get a little sparse in the next hour or so! If I don't come back I'll see you all on SATURDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST! TGIF!
>>
>>4930049
I don't remember these guys, so my write-in is asking who the fuck they are again
>>
>>4930249
>>4930049

That sounds positively STAN!
Support!
>>
>>4930049
I agree with >>4930255
>>
>>4930249
+1 this is based

Also damn I was late to join! Been super into Pokemon Unite lately so I got distracted and missed the thread starting. Excited to see Bones back in the catalog!
>>
>>4930458
No worries dude, you're here now and that's what matters, right?

>>4930249
>>4930255
>>4930340
>>4930458
>WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!
Writing!

Also, thanks for making me laugh--this is totally in Stan's character and it made me chuckle all morning. HERE GOES!
>>
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Cracking your neck menacingly, you confidently stride towards the approaching Good Boy Goons and smirk--yea, you chuckle, these guys… How could you forget…

And a moment’s pause turns into an awkward minute of silence.

“You uh…” Teddy mutters through his mask, “You do remember us, right?”

Sure! You nod, not daring to lose your confident grin. That being said, though…

“Seriously, Stan?” Art groans behind you. “These were the guys who tried to kick our ribcages in back when we first found this place!”

“And the next time we met your purple-haired pal over there froze us all!” Teddy laughs. “Diles is STILL shivering!”

Following Teddy’s finger to his shivering henchman, you shrug--well uh... Yea, you remember that! You uh…

You frantically search around the tunnel for an appropriate answer, but find none save for a few perplexed looks from your gang.

Clearing your throat, you send a renewed glare in the Rent-A-Cop’s direction. You just wanted to make sure the rest of your team knew who he was, you explain! He was being pretty rude not introducing himself…

“Riiight. Look, we don’t want any trouble, okay? Honest.”

Something in your and the rest of your team’s faces betrays mistrust, so Teddy continues. “L-look, we got the point last time, okay?! We’re on the straight-and-narrow now! No more hassling anyone, right fellas?”

The cronies behind him erupt in a chorus of affirmatives, but Syb doesn’t look too convinced.

“If that’s the case, why are you cornering us in a tunnel?”

“And what’s with the laughing?” Tucker adds, hand still hovering over his REVOLVER. “Doesn’t sound like you wanna talk.”

“Granted!” Teddy nods, his goons following close behind. “Truth be told, we just came from the CANTEEN--took a while with all of those wizard guys there, but those fries...”

Sensing your resolve slipping into the FRY ZONE, Syb shakes you by the shoulder and snaps you out of it! Yow!

“Err, so what exactly do you guys want?” Eddie asks, his face jumping between menacing and friendly.

Yea, you add with a growing scowl! You’re BUSY, damn it! Why is everyone bothering you now? GET LOST!

“Busy, right!” Teddy nods emphatically. “We’ll make this quick, then!”

And that’s when they draw their guns!

“... No they didn’t.” Ly groans. “Stop jokin’ about dat’ stuff.”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4930974
“So,” Teddy begins, leaning against the side of the tunnel, “Once we uh… Thawed out, we did a little homework and realized who you were.”

“An’ it got us ta’ thinkin’--maybe she could help us out!” Adds a stout Rent-A-Cop.

“O’Toole’s right--lots of other refugees head out there for supplies and such, but you? You’re actually tryin’ to clean up this mess. Makes sense, given your profession.” Teddy chuckles under his breath.

Oh my GOD, you groan--what’s their POINT?! If this is what it’s like being popular, you don’t want it!

“What did you think was gonna happen?” Tucker asks, raising an eyebrow your way. You respond with a shrug--maybe like… People fanning you with palm fronds?

Grapes?

“A-anyways,” Teddy continues, “You and your crew are clearly the ones who get stuff done.”

“When we aren’t being hindered by creeps, yea.” Art mutters.

“We get it--we screwed up.” Teddy sighs. “And we know it’s bad form to ask for help right after our last er… Encounter, but it’s either you guys or that BORIS gu-

The words ‘YOU’LL DO IT!’ tear out of your mouth like a duck on fire! Clasping your hands over your lips, you do your best to regain your composure, then lean against the tunnel wall for MAXIMUM COOLNESS. What you meant to say was… What’s the job?

“Not really a job, per se,” Teddy explains, “But we look out for those who look out for us, and that’s what this is all about.”

“Some of the guys on patrol duty ain’t coming back.” Grunts one of the goons.

“There are a lot of skeletons out there…” Tucker muses, prompting Teddy to shake his head.

“Even if they’re ambushed, our boys are usually pretty good at radioing in. These guys, though, they’re just… Disappearing. No radio contact, no survivors, just vanishing into the mist.”

The security guard appraises you with his red-tinted lenses. “You find out where they’re goin’, we’ll pay ya’ for your trouble. Money, favors, hell, a round of drinks at the CANTEEN? they’re yours.”

“Just keep an eye out.” Hisses the goon referred to as ‘Diles’. “Patrols are going missing all over the place, but they all got one thing in common--they all go missing near the entrance to this base.”

Sybil gives you a concerned glance. “I don’t like them, Stan, but this stands to become a much larger problem…”

“Given our luck, we’ll probably run into whatever’s doing this on the road eventually.” Art shrugs. “Besides, most of these guys are okay. Present company excluded, of course.” He explains, glaring at the group of security guards awaiting your answer.

What say you?
>SURE, AND YOU WANT (PONGOS, MONEY, FAVOR, DRINKS, WRITE-IN) AS PAYMENT!
>NAH, SCREW YOU IDIOTS.
>YOU NEED MORE INFO!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4930976
>YOU NEED MORE INFO!

Let’s ask for Pongos though since we’re already getting our FAT STACKS from GBDB
>>
>>4930976
>YOU NEED MORE INFO!
We want pongos for sure, but the whole being fed grapes and fanned by palm fronds thing would be a nice plus
>>
>>4930976
>YOU NEED MORE INFO! How likely is that it's the sewer mutants?
>>
>>4930990
>>4931000
>>4931004
>TELL ME MORE!

Writing!
>>
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Crossing your arms, you survey the cold, dimly-lit bunker tunnel and its inhabitants with a smug look on your face. Syb and Art can say all they want, but it’s you who has the final say! THAT’S power!

“S-so are we gonna do it?” Ly asks, apprehension in his disembodied voice. You respond by cracking your neck agai-OW, that one hurt!

“You okay?” Eddie asks in a voice laced with concern! Yea, you growl, wincing through the lingering pain, but you’ll tell these goofs what you’re NOT okay with: a LACK OF DETAILS!

“Oh? Um, sure thing, little lady.” Teddy mumbles, glancing back at his cheerleading squad for support. “Figures you’d wanna discuss things before accepting.”

First thing’s first, creep, you begin, you want PAYMENT. PONGOS, to be precise--a LOT!

“Done.” Teddy nods. “The guys picked up a few from betting on the RAT FIGHTS-- you’ll get ‘em once you crack the case.”

THAT makes you giggle. Straightening your posture, you raise an eyebrow in the security goon’s direction. Maybe he misunderstood, you spit. You want an ADVANCE!

“Collateral--I getcha!” Teddy replies, gesturing to one of his goons. “Murph, give her your share.”

“B-but Ted-”

Murph’s objection is promptly smothered by a withering look from the group’s lead dog. Muttering something under his breath, the Rent-A-Cop reluctantly places a handful of PONGOS in your outstretched hand. TEN, to be precise!

CURRENT PONGOS (NOT INCLUDING PAULIE CREDIT AND FACTORING IN YOUR BOWTIE PURCHASE): 62!

A low chuckle escapes from your mouth as you pocket your advance. Yes, you hiss, that will do just fine…

“You’ll get more once the job’s done, of course.” Teddy explains as a grumbling Murph returns to the fold. “Anything else?”

Yes, you snarl, they’d better start looking for PALM FRONDS! and GRAPES!

“Wh-wha?”

“W-we can discuss that later, right Stan?” Syb intervenes, shooting you a hard look. “What about more information?”

Fine, you huff, but don’t think for a second that you’re letting that go!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4931130
“Not much else we can tell ya.” Teddy grunts, shrugging his broad shoulders. “But we’ll try.”

Pushing off of the tunnel wall, you briefly lament Talbot’s absence--besides being imposing he’d make a great seat right about now! In any case, you start with the usual stuff: when did this crap begin, anyways?

“About a day ago.” Diles reports. “Everyone assumed it was just an ambush, you know? Then it happened again.”

“No sign of equipment malfunction.” O’Toole cuts in. “We’ve been triple-checking before going out on patrols. Can’t speak for the refugee squads, but…”

“But we’ve lost patrols already.” Teddy concludes. “The boneheads don’t worry about subtlety--hell, they seem to like letting us call for help. This, though…” the guard hesitates, “this just feels different.

“You mentioned it was occurring near THE LODGE,” Art muses. “You mean close by topside, right?”

“Exactly.” Teddy nods. “We’ve tried to keep a low profile above ground so that the skeletons can’t track us down here, but…”

But it’s not a good sign when people are disappearing next to a SECRET BASE, is it? That earns an irritated sigh from you--if TIM and his jerks attack your BRAND-NEW VIP BUNKER…

“Err, exactly.” Teddy confirms. “If these are happening next to the base, that might mean someone knows we’re here. Or something.

“And you said there’s no sign of a struggle?” Tucker asks, rubbing his beard in contemplation.

“Nope.” Diles answers, shaking his helmeted head. “We tracked down the vehicle of the first team to go missing--keys were still in the ignition.”

“If they were looters they would have taken the wheels, right?” Art sighs, rubbing his temples.

“Yep.” Diles nods. “Weapons, ammo, supplies--all of it was still there. Looked like the guys went for a smoke break or something.”

“Doesn’t matter if it’s a smoke or a piss,” Teddy retorts, “You bring a weapon with ya.” The leader of the pack looks at you expectantly. “So,” he sighs, “anything else?”

Yea, you begin, one more thing...

>CONTD.
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>>4931137
It’s a long shot, you frown, but you need to explore every possibility--have they… You pause to gulp down the lump growing in your throat, have they checked the SEWERS?

“Wh-Well, yea...” Teddy stammers as he gives you a quizzical look. “One of the other entrances to this base is down there… Why?”

“Stan, don’t.” Syb growls, prompting you to glare her way. She’s sticking her head in the sand, damn it! This fits their M.O completely!

“Is this about those SEWER MUTANTS you always talk about?” Gus asks, dodging your attempt to cover his mouth!

“Of course it is.” Syb huffs, staring daggers at you. “And even if they WERE real, Stan, how would these people know they were behind it?”

It… It all adds up… You whisper, clenching your fist.

“No,” Syb sighs, “No it doesn’t.

She’ll see. They’ll ALL see!

“Errr… Anyways,” Teddy mutters, “You mind keeping a look out? We’ll let you know if anything else comes up.”

You frown. Seems like that’s all the info you’re gonna get unless you have something more SPECIFIC to ask… Is it really time to add another SIDEQUEST to your list, though?

What say you?
>FINE, I’LL CHECK IT OUT. EVENTUALLY.
>NAH, GET ANOTHER CHUMP TO DO IT.
>HOLD ON, GOT ANOTHER QUESTION! (WRITE-IN)
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4931143
>>FINE, I’LL CHECK IT OUT. EVENTUALLY.

PONGOS or bust!
>>
>>4931143
>FINE, I’LL CHECK IT OUT. EVENTUALLY.
>>
>>4931147
>>4931161
>QUEST ACCEPTED!
WRITING!
>>
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Taking your COMPANY-ISSUED BLACKBERRY from your pocket, you reluctantly tap some new SIDEQUEST INFO into your TO-DO LIST and groan--at this rate you’ll hit Thread 50 before this is over!

TO-DO LIST UPDATED! CHECK OUT THE NIFTY PASTEBIN FOR DEETS!

Stuffing your COMPANY-ISSUED BLACKBERRY back into your pocket, you let out a resigned sigh--you can’t promise it’ll be your #1 priority, but you’ll keep your eyes peeled.

“That’s all I ask.” Teddy sighs as his posture becomes more relaxed. “We know you’ve got bigger fish to fry, Stanley, but… We appreciate it. A lot.

“Glad to see you’re beginning to learn your lesson.” Syb adds, staring at the group with a hard expression.

“Yea, thanks for the cold shower.” Teddy chuckles. “We’re all dealing with what’s going on topside in different ways, but me an’ the boys don’t wanna be part of the problem any more… Maybe… Just maybe... We can get back on track and be part of the solu-”

HIT THE DECK, STAN!

Ly’s gotten you out of harm’s way with lines like that more times than you can count, so when you hear a voice telling you to duck, you DUCK! Dropping to the sticky booze-soaked concrete, you watch in awe as a BIG SLURP SODA CUP hurtles through the air and lands with a dull ’THUNK’ into the side of Teddy’s mask-covered jaw!

Glancing from where it came from, you watch in awe as the pint-sized camera girl Kiki prepares to toss another soda while a security-armored blur rushes down the hall towards you! Before he or his gang can register what’s happening, Teddy lets out a faint ‘oof’ as your pal Mitzi dropkicks the guard in the solar plexus and sends him tumbling to the grimy floor like a sack of potatoes!

“LET’S TANGO!” She roars, regaining her footing almost immediately! Putting herself between you and the group of security guards, Mitzi adopts a fighting stance as Kiki forms up next to her with a fresh soda to toss!

“... Dis’ is gonna be awkward, isn’t it?” Ly mutters. Probably.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4931293
Several minutes of catching Mitzi and Kiki up and a few frantic apologies later, you find yourself waving to Teddy and his crew as the man in question sends a lazy salute your way.

“We’ll keep in touch, kid!” He shouts, still clenching where Mitzi’s boots impacted on his chest. “Be safe out there!”

As his entourage leaves the way you came, Mitzi and Kiki approach your team with sheepish looks on their mask and hood-obscured faces.

“Er… Sorry, Stan.” Mitzi mutters apologetically. “Didn’t know if Kiki and I were wandering into a scrap agai-”

You interrupt Mitzi with a finger to her filter--Not. One. More. WORD. Motioning for everyone to follow, you briskly stroll away from the cursed tunnel and don’t stop until you reach the COMMONS PLAZA AND ENTRANCE. Looking over your shoulders for any sign of any other familiar people, you relax a bit when your search fails to bear fruit. Okay, you sigh, now she can talk!

“Busy shopping trip, huh?” She asks, cocking her helmeted head to the side. Art answers for you.

“You could say that… Looks like Stan’s making a name for herself.”

You feel your cheeks heat up, if only just a little bit. Y-yea r-right! It was always like this for you! Couldn’t keep the people off of ya!

“Uh-huh.” Art grunts, turning his attention back to Mitzi. “So what did you guys end up grabbing?”

As if on cue, Kiki holds out two shopping bags for the group to see! Peeking inside, your eyes are treated to items you’d normally expect for a beach trip!

“Knowing our luck we’re probably gonna have to hit the water eventually.” Mitzi shrugs, removing a pair of FLIPPERS for the whole group to see. “Got everyone a pair, along with some DIVING KNIVES.

Showing off her own sturdy blade, Mitzi distributes the rest of the knives to the crew.

“Grabbed another FIRST AID KIT too.” Mitzi grunts, holding up a red plastic container. “Waterproof, of course.”

“You really think we’re gonna need all this?” Gus asks, holding his new knife up to the bunker’s lights. Mitzi crosses her arms in response.

“Given our luck so far? I damn near bought the whole store.”

Not wanting to be left out, Kiki holds up a few boxes of snacks, too: CORN BARS, FREEZE-DRIED PICKLES, and a healthy amount of DINO CRISPS! YESSS!

INVENTORY PASTEBIN UPDATED!

“Nice!” Eddie grins, taking a CORN BAR for himself! “Anything else?”

Kiki looks at Mitzi expectantly, but the guard shakes her head. “N-nope! I owe you a BIRTHDAY GIFT though, Art--drinks are on me once this shitshow blows over.”

“Looking forward to it.” Art grins. “In that case, we ready to hit the road?”

>CHOICES IN NEXT POST!
>>
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>>4931294
ARE you? Not a bad idea--who knows who else you’ll run into if you hang around here any longer… This place is cursed, man…

>TO THE VAN! WE’RE BURNIN’ DAYLIGHT!
>LET’S SEE IF DR. DEVON CAN SPARE ANY MEDICAL CRAP!
>I KINDA WANNA TRACK DOWN BLUMENKRANTZ FIRST…
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4931300
>TO THE VAN! WE’RE BURNIN’ DAYLIGHT!
FISH FISH FISH FISH
>>
>>4931300
>TO THE VAN! WE’RE BURNIN’ DAYLIGHT!
>>
>>4931303
>>4931324
>TO THE VAN!

WRITING!
>>
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If time is money, you reply, then you’re gonna… Um… Need more of it soon. Yea.

Not wanting to stick around for your team’s stupid quips, you motion for everyone to follow you--it’s about time you got this COLLEGE ROADTRIP started!

The road back to the surface is, compared to the last hour or so, relatively uneventful. There was an intense moment on the MAIN LIFT where Mitzi dared Eddie to stand on the edge of the elevator, but aside from that, no one seemed to give you much trouble!

“Take care out there.”

With your mind practically on autopilot, you barely notice the ARRIVALS CHECKPOINT guard waving to you and your posse as you pass through! Stopping abruptly and nearly causing a chain of collisions with your pals, you give the guard a friendly wave before continuing to the elevator.

Heading up through THE BARRIER surrounding the base, this time Gus and Art are ready and manage to grab you and Syb mid-collapse. You still feel a little woozy by the time you creep by the SECURITY STATION’S front desk, Mitzi’s pal Derek still grumbling profusely.

You scarcely have time to emerge into the midday sun before two massive gloved hands scoop you into a hug! CHRIST!

“D’aww, he missed you.” Mitzi remarks, watching with a bemused look on her face as your twelve-foot tall freak of nature spins you around before gently putting you back down. Waiting for the world to stop spinning, you give Talbot a devious look. You’ve got a GIFT for him, after all!

While the rest of your team leaves to get the van ready, you retrieve the BOWTIE you bought down below and hide it behind your back. As the behemoth stands in front of you with an eager look in his eye, you dramatically reveal your gift for him to see.

S-STAAAAAAAAAN….” He drones, gently plucking the accessory from your outstretched hands.

“I think he likes it, cupcake!” Ly chuckles, putting a smile on your face as well! Your expression falters a bit, however, when the big guy opts to just stand in place with the BOWTIE in his open palm. Err… What do?

>PUT IT IN HIS POCKET!
>PUT IT AROUND HIS HOOD!
>PULL BACK HIS HOOD AND PUT IT AROUND HIS NECK!
>TIE IT AROUND HIS HEAD LIKE A BOW!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4931402
>>PULL BACK HIS HOOD AND PUT IT AROUND HIS NECK!

Let's give our boi the DRIP
>>
>>4931402
>PULL BACK HIS HOOD AND PUT IT AROUND HIS NECK!
Taldrip
>>
>>4931402
>PULL BACK HIS HOOD AND PUT IT AROUND HIS NECK!
>>
>>4931418
>>4931428
>>4931444
>DO IT PROPER!

WRITING!
>>
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You plant your hands on your hips as you let out a weary sigh--this guy…

Taking the BOWTIE from his still-outstretched hand, you motion for Talbot to get lower to the ground. Bowing his head lower, the colossus drops to his knees when you make it clear that he’s still TOO DAMN TALL.

Once he’s finally in your height range, you unclasp the ribbon on the back of the accessory and stretch it out--something tells you he’s gonna have a pretty wide neck. As you move to put it on, however, a realization itches at the back of your mind--say what you will about Talbot, he’s gonna look REALLY dorky if you put the BOWTIE around his hood.

“Well.. Yea.” Ly scoffs. “Da’ tried an’ true method is ta’ put it around your neck.”

Alright, smartass! Watch and learn! Reaching for Talbot’s hood, you tumble backwards as he recoils from your grasp and grips his jacket’s hood tight! Snarling as you regain your footing, you can’t help but glare at the giant--what gives!?

NO…..” He booms, shaking his head emphatically. “NOOOO….

Raising an eyebrow his way, you feel your glare soften a bit--what’s the deal here?

“He’s not uh…” Ly mutters under his breath, “Embarrassed, is he?”

Talbot watches you with a fearful look in his remaining eye, making sure to keep his hood out of your range. Blinking in confusion, you cover your mouth to hide your surprise--holy crap, Ly might be right!

“Well dat’s unfortunate.” Ly huffs, emerging from your body in his ASTRAL PROJECTION FORM. “Da’ embarrassment, dat’ is. Not me bein’ right.”

Yea, you groan, thank heavens. Biting your lip, you try to come up with solutions--if you don’t hurry your gang will descend into CHAOS without you!

“Da’ big guy’s fingers look too big for him ta’ do it himself…” Ly muses, taking a seat on the pavement next to you. “Though I COULD try ta’ possess da’ guy for a sec…”

Rubbing your chin, you give Ly’s idea a nod--it’s certainly a solution… That being said, is it the best one? Why the heck do you care so much, anyways!? Feeling a stinging pain grow inside of your head, you run a hand through your hair impatiently and consider a few TACTICS.

>HAVE LY POSSESS HIM!
>TRY TO CONVINCE TALBOT!
>YOU’RE FASTER--JUST HOP UP AND GET THE BOWTIE ON!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4931489
>>TRY TO CONVINCE TALBOT!

Use your trademark PUPPY DOG EYES. No man, beast, or convoluted science experiment can say no to those!
>>
>>4931489
>TRY TO CONVINCE TALBOT!
Possession is reserved for bad beans, Talbot is a very good bean
>>
>>4931489
>TRY TO CONVINCE TALBOT!
>>
>>4931489
>TRY TO CONVINCE TALBOT!
>>
Sorry folks, tonight got busy--should have an update for ya around SUNDAY 11-12PM PST! Thanks for being patient and for giving BONES QUEST a try!
>>
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>>4931490
+1
Let's go for the siren or whatever later, we can all turn into sharks and beat her ass
>>
>>4932046
See, THIS is what we like to call 'Using the ole' noodle, folks. Also the image of Shark Stan scares the living crap outta me. I love it.

>>4931490
>>4931491
>>4931503
>>4931543
>>4932046
>CONVINCE!

Sorry for the lateness, folks, barely slept a wink last night. WE WRITIN', THOUGH
>>
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Despite your best efforts, it’s hard to stay frustrated at Big T when he looks at you like a kid at the doctor’s office about to get a shot. Despite your… tumultuous introduction, you can’t deny that he’s been a good sport lately--hell, he’s done much more for you than the other jerks have.

Moreover, despite his appearance, you still have the guy’s JOURNAL tumbling around your pockets… He was a janitor too--hell, this could have been YOU! He responds to commands well enough--who’s to say there isn’t still a sliver of your MOP BROTHER hiding behind this ghoulish exterior? Wait a minute... W-what if he was HOT?!

The more you think about it, the softer your expression becomes, prompting the giant to ease up a little bit. Looks like now’s your best chance to convince him--any later and you just know Art’s gonna start honking the horn…

ROLL 1d100+10 to convince Big T! I’ll take the BEST OF 3 ROLLS! Don’t forget to include SPECIFIC STRATS if you want a better chance of success!
>>
Rolled 71 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4932431

Puppy dog eye attack! Go!
>>
Rolled 40 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4932431
>>
Rolled 70 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4932431
+1 to >>4932439 strat

Also my power went out, so in case my ID changed I'm this guy >>4931503
>>
>>4932439
>>4932464
>>4932663
>HIGHEST ROLL: 80!

You rolled, I'll write!
>>
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When it comes to words, you’re not…. Uh… You can’t… Erm… You can’t always make them, uh… good. That’s okay, though--besides your PARKOUR SKILLS, NATURAL LEADERSHIP ABILITY, STREET SMARTS, AND ROCKIN’ BOD, you’ve also been blessed with the ability to ALWAYS get what you want…

Sometimes.

You don’t like using it often--sometimes it feels like cheating! It’s either that or crying though, and that hasn’t worked out for you so well in the past few days…

You begin by planting your feet shoulder-length apart and crossing your arms--no one can resist a good POWER STANCE. Next, you look away from the giant’s face, prompting him to cock his head to the side with concern. Yes, you chuckle inwardly, all according to plan…

“Oh dang, here it comes!” Ly whispers with mirth in his voice. Wait for it!

Closing your eyes tight, you pause for a moment--it all comes down to this! You count out five heartbeats, then STRIKE!

Turning your head and opening your eyes wide in one fluid motion, you assault Talbot with one of your FORBIDDEN TECHNIQUES: PUPPY DOG EYES!

The ex-hitman recoils at the sight of your widened eyes and quivering lip--the look that got you out of a dozen tickets!

… Okay, one or two. Still, though!

Talbot tries to look away, but it’s too late--like an exceptionally cute car accident, he just can’t look away from you! Your claws firmly sunk into his emotional skin, you go straight for the jugular!

P-please, Talbie… L-let me put on the bowtie….

As the words effortlessly drift from your mouth to where the giant’s ears used to be, you see something crack in his remaining eye. If you had X-Ray vision right now and he still had a heart, you’d swear you could see it burst! With a resigned groan, Talbot stoops back down to your level and leans forward inviting you to remove his coat’s hood.

JACKPOT.

“Sometimes ya’ freak me out, cupcake.” Ly mutters under his breath. “And by ‘sometimes’ I mean ‘a lot.’”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4932904
The mental battle won, you swiftly realize that while you tango with Talbot here, the others have no doubt already taken your favorite seats in the van! You’re not gonna sit in the middle, damn it, especially if Art starts another rant about that shitty anime again!

Reaching for Talbot’s hood as politely and carefully as you can manage in your current state of mind, you feel your bodyguard flinch a bit as your hands grip the coat’s thick material. What’s his deal?!

“Maybe he’s a little sh-”

Before Ly can finish his thought, the two of you are interrupted by a shakier groan than usual from Talbot:

NOT….. ME…..

You almost lose your grip as the words ring out from where you assume the bodyguard’s lips are. Was that TWO words?!

NOT….. ME…..

Looking you in the eye as he repeats himself, you feel Talbot tense up as you push back his hood revealing….

… Well, a skeletal head. One wrapped in metallic skin, sure, but still bony. Catching you staring, Talbot’s remaining eye looks towards the ground to avoid your gaze.

NOT….. ME….

It takes you a moment to realize you still have the BOWTIE in your hands. As you cautiously wrap the ribbon around his neck, your mind wanders a bit. If your places had been swapped, would he try to give you your mind back? Would you even want it? T’s durability has been helpful, sure, but good luck getting a date with that!

Talbot stares at you for a moment, then resumes avoiding your gaze. CRAP, did you say that out loud?

Now YOU’RE the one sweating! Feeling your fingers fumble on the BOWTIE’S clasp, you struggle to come up with something to say! Ly, you could use a hand here!

“Nuh-uh.” Your skeleton harrumphs. “You made ya’ bed, kid--now ya’ gotta sleep in it!”

You’ll nap later! Right now you’ve gotta say something to cheer Talbot up! The question is, WHAT?!
>TELL HIM HE’S BETTER THIS WAY!
>REASSURE HIM THAT YOU AREN’T FREAKED OUT!
>PROMISE YOU’LL CURE HIM OR SOMETHING!
>COMPLIMENTS! GUYS LOVE THAT CRAP... YOU THINK!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4932908
I don't know this guy's backstory, but headpats and a kiss on the forehead from a cute girl should work wonders right?
>>
>>4932914
>>COMPLIMENTS! GUYS LOVE THAT CRAP... YOU THINK!

Not sure how we could go about curing a metal-skeleton man, but we should tell him he looks like a badass!

Also gonna +1 this >>4932916
>>
>>4932916
>>4932935
>COMPLIMENTS AND AFFECTION!
The winning combo! Writing!
>>
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You’re not sure if it’s regret, empathy, or your famous WOMAN’S INTUITION, but something about the resigned look on Talbot’s exposed face creates a pit in your stomach--one that you know isn’t gonna go away until you make things right!

You start by clearing your throat to get his attention, which you get, of course. Then you ask him a question: does he remember the LAB? The one where he joined THE GANG? The giant nods. Good!

Whatever expression was on your face before, it’s promptly replaced by an annoyed scowl. If that’s the case, you growl, what the hell is he embarrassed about? For a second it looks like Talbot’s about to say something, but too late--you cut him off!

So WHAT if he looks different?! You shout! When everyone was ready to run, he was willing to stay behind and fight those GELETON things to buy you time! When you made your escape from the lab, he CARRIED you! And RAN the whole way!

You watch as the embarrassment slowly drains from Talbot’s bony face, but you ain’t done yet, damn it! When you lost your eye, he gave you his own! Not even a normal one, either--one that shoots LASERS! When everyone was sneaking into the dam, he was fighting an army! By the time you were done inside, he had a tank shell stuck in his back! Let’s see Art or Eddie try THAT trick!

“Tell em’, cupcake!” Ly hoots!

The look on your bodyguard’s face tells you that he’s not sure where you’re going with this, but he’s invested! Getting drawn into your own speech, you grab the side of the giant’s head with your hands and stare him straight in the eye! He might not look like one of the guys, eat chips like your pals, or even fit into the van, but you know one thing for sure: he’s a boneafide BADASS! And you… You’re just…

Ah, screw it.

Pulling Talbot closer to you, you lean forward and give him a quick, but legit, KISS on his metallic forehead! Pulling away with a smile, your cheeks grow warm as you see a very human goofy grin plastered on the giant’s face!

S...STAAAN…

Taken off-guard by his reaction, you swiftly clasp the BOWTIE into place around his neck with a satisfying ‘CLICK!’ Seeing that you’re in the clear, you quickly spin around to avoid looking at the behemoth’s grinning face!

“You good, cupcake?” Ly asks, a hint of amusement in his voice. “You’re redder than a beet!”

D-DUH! You snap! I-It was just a pep-talk! Guys always feel better after a kiss on the forehead--look it up, moron!

“Uh-huh.” Ly retorts. “An’ I’m da’ Prince of Wales.”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4933065
Yea, you retort, and you’re the Queen of Dolphins! Now if he’s done freaking out over a friggin’ PEP-TALK, you’ve got a seat in the van to cla-

Just when you’re about to finish putting Ly in his place, you feel two massive hands clasp around your shoulders! Before you can break free, you find yourself lifted into the air!

STAAAAAAAN!

Struggling to break free, you manage to bite one of Talbot’s hands a few times before he spins you around to face him!

STAAAN…. GOOOOD…

Grinning from ear to… well, where his ears used to be, Talbot gently places you on the ground before gently patting you on the head. Taking a few steps back, the giant puffs his chest out for you to check out his brand new BOWTIE! Rubbing your chin as you take in the sight, you gotta admit--it suits him!

“Seconded!” Ly agrees, borrowing your hand to extend a thumb of approval! With one last toothy grin, Talbot pulls the hood over his head. Right, you sigh, time to find the ot-OOF!

“Let’s GO ALREADDDDYYY!!!”

The sound of Art shouting at you does little to prepare you to dodge the empty soda can that smacks you in the side of the head. Stumbling a few steps in surprise, you stare daggers at the suped-up armored van that pulls up at your side, Art sitting in the driver’s seat like he owns the damn thing. You’re dealing with TEAM CRAP! They can wait!

Before you can toss the can back at him, Gus coasts over on his SIDECAR’D DELIVERY BIKE and looks at you expectantly. “So,” he remarks, “who you ridin’ with?”

Oh right, you have options now!
>YOU’RE RIDING IN THE VAN!
>YOU’LL RIDE IN GUS’ SIDECAR!
>TALBOT CAN CARRY YOU! HE KEPT PACE BEFORE!
>WRITE-IN

On that note, folks, I’m gonna have to call it--didn’t get much sleep last night and this update took me way too long to whip up. I should be ready with another update around MONDAY, 11-12PM PST! Sorry about the few posts today--I’ll get some more in tomorrow, honest!
>>
>>4933067
>>YOU’RE RIDING IN THE VAN!
>>
>>4933067
>TALBOT CAN CARRY YOU! HE KEPT PACE BEFORE!

Talbot chads rise up
>>
>>4933067
Van for Stan
>>
>>4933067
>TALBOT CAN CARRY YOU! HE KEPT PACE BEFORE!
>>
>>4932904
How did Stan fakecry form her cybernetic eye?
Also as the anon who got Talbot in the personality quiz: aaw
>>4933067
YOU’LL RIDE IN GUS’ SIDECAR!
>>
>>4933164
Tears are come out of tear ducts, which are separate from the eye.
>>
>>4933067
Talbot can carry us!
>>
>>4933164
Anything's possible in BONES QUEST!
>>4933213
Though this guy's totally right.

>>4933069
>>4933085
>STAN IN DA' VAN

>>4933084
>>4933115
>>4933331
>TREK WITH TALBOT!

>>4933164
>YOU LIKE THE BIKE!

Looks like Talbot wins it. Writing!
>>
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Using that EMU LEGS BONEUS you nearly forgot you had, you hop effortlessly onto Talbot’s shoulder. Does that answer his question? The delivery man nods.

“Yep.”

“Might not be a bad idea, actually…” Art grumbles. “The fastest route to the university is on the main road to the North, but that’s gonna take us close to the NATIONAL GUARD DEPOT and the POLICE STATION…

“Those places are crawlin’ with boneheads.” Gus agrees. “We’ll keep an eye out though, right Stan?”

He’d better believe it, you reply, winking your LASER EYE a few times for emphasis! When you’re certain that Gus got your joke, you motion for everyone to saddle up! They’d better not even think of pulling over for a restroom break on the way!

“Err, before we go--” Tucker mutters from the now-open back of the van, “Those containers of that DISSOLVE-EVERYTHING-BUT-BONE chemical are still in the back.”

You frown. SO?!

“The nerd can’t take a look at ‘em if we take ‘em with us, Stan.” Mitzi explains, poking her head out next to Tucker’s. Riiiiiiiight! Man, you really need to take more notes, or something!

“Should we just hide ‘em here?” Eddie asks, peeking out below Mitzi. “Kiki saw some pretty nifty cardboard lying around!”

“This area is regularly patrolled by security, Eddie.” Syb counters, peering out of the back of the van below the others. “Perhaps taking it with us is the best solution.”

“We are going to a university…” Tucker thinks aloud. “If any of the professors are still alive we could get them to look at it…”

“Never know when you’re gonna need FLESH-EATING CHEMICALS….” Mitzi shrugs. “Whatever we do, you might wanna let THE GEEK know before we hit the road, boss.”

You nod--Denise will go into convulsions if she thinks the chemicals have been stolen. The question is, what should you do with them?

>HIDE ‘EM HERE! SECURITY WON’T LOOK BEHIND PARKING LOT CARDBOARD--THAT’S GROSS!
>TAKE IT! COULD BE USEFUL!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
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>>4933841
>>WRITE-IN!

We should have Blumenkrantz's goons come up here and take it specifically to Denise. No way no how we're letting this crap get into any other party's hands.

>see captcha
>sides= in orbit
>>
>>4933841
Supporting >>4933849
>>
>>4933849
>>4933928
>SPECIAL DELIVERY!

Writing!
>>
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Still perched on Talbot’s ample shoulder, you respond to your gang’s suggestions with a thoughtful nod--yes… Yes, those are all pretty good ideas…

Art lets out a sigh as he watches you from the driver’s window. “Here it comes…”

Don’t interrupt! They’re all pretty good ideas… FOR BABIES!

“See?”

Shut up, Art, you didn’t see that coming. Anyways, those ideas suck and here’s yours fresh off of the HOT LEADER IDEA GRIDDLE: how about you just have those corporate stooges deliver the goods to Denise personally? You’ve got a big day ahead--let the SCIENCE NERDS deal with the logistics!

The impromptu totem pole of heads peeking out from the back of the van gives you a spectrum of unimpressed looks. What?! It’s a good idea!

“N-nah, it’s a good idea, Stan!” Eddie mutters, “it’s just that uh… Weren’t we trying to keep GOOD BOY outta the loop on this?”

“We were.” Tucker nods. “Pretty sure we were worried about them using it in a bad way.”

UuuuuUuuughh! They just don’t get it, do they? Rolling your eyes for MAXIMUM ‘TUDE, you whip out your RADIO and shout Denise’s name a few times! If she’s stealing your bathtub you swear to god…

“Uh, think ya’ got da’ wrong frequency, kid.”

Whoops, sorry HAULIE PAULIE. You’d never shout at him!

“No sweat, baby. Seeya later!”

Muttering a quick ‘you too’ under your breath, you shrug at your onlookers. Whoops!

“Was that HAULIE PAULIE?” Art asks. “I miss that guy.”

Me too, you sigh... Me too.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4934104
Hastily twisting the radio’s frequency knob, you snarl the SCIENCE DWEEB’S name a few more times! DENISE!

AAAAUGH!” The doctor’s shrill, squeaky voice is punctuated by the sound of something falling into water. “S-Stan! I-I th-thought you left already! Is everyth-thing okay?!

Narrowing your eyes at the sound of running water in the background, you respond with a growl--for now, yea. She’s not in your SLICK BATHROOM, is she?

N-nope!” Denise stammers as the running water grows fainter! “I-I’m j-just erm… B-BRUSHING MY TEETH! Yep!

You could write a BOOK about how much you don’t care! Besides, you didn’t call about that, you snap! You’ve got some ORDERS!

Of c-course!” replies the scientist! “Y-you can c-count on me!

That remains to be seen, you grumble. Idly running a hand through your hair, you tell her that she needs to get some Rent-A-Cops to deliver those FLESH-EATING CHEMICALS you picked up from her MAD SCIENCE DEN to her! Dr. Venaas responds with a perplexed sputter!

B-b-but I th-thought we were keeping that s-secret!

B-b-but we ARE, you exclaim! The weak whine you hear over the radio tells you that she doesn’t share your optimism.

I-It doesn’t SOUND like we are…

That’s her problem, you retort, giving Mitzi a thumbs up that she promptly returns. She’s a smart cookie--she can just like… Lie and say the chemicals are booze or something! Easy!

B-b-but wh-what if the guards d-don’t believe me?” She replies in a shaky voice.

Then she FIGURES IT OUT! Cripes, does she need you to write up an INSTRUCTION MANUAL or something? You didn’t need your LAB NOTES when you took out THREE LIEUTENANTS! Deal with it! OVER AND OUT!

O-okay, dr-drive safe...

Stuffing the radio back into your pocket, you let out a long, weary sigh. Academics!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4934106
“You uh…” Gus mutters as you glance back at your team, “You’re layin’ it on her pretty hard, huh?” You respond with a glare--not hard ENOUGH! Denise may look, sound, and smell pathetic, but don’t let it fool you: that snake played God all over Talbot here AND indirectly killed Art!

“Not my favorite trip to the woods.” Art agrees. “Anyways, now that that’s uh… settled, shall we mosey?”

You shall! Getting comfortable on Talbot’s shoulder, you point towards where you assume the road is and snap your fingers a few times--Art will lead, you, Gus, and Talbie will follow!

“And I’ll study that SPELL!” Syb adds, cackling eagerly as she disappears back into the van. Once the rest of the gang follows suit, your unorthodox wagon trail hits the road! Your first COLLEGE ROAD TRIP! Golly!

It takes a few minutes before you hit the main road, but hey, as far as minutes go, they’re pretty uneventful! In a surprising turn of events, the only thing you notice leaving the SECURITY STATION are a few GOOD BOY SECURITY PATROLS. Some of the guys even wave as you pass! How neighborly!

Smiling at the hot breeze blowing against your face, you scan the apocalyptic horizon for any signs of trouble as Talbot jogs alongside the van and Gus’ motorcycle.

“It’s quiet.” Ly mutters inside your jostling head. “Too quiet.”

DUH! You’ve been doing nothing but kicking skeleton butt for days, now--maybe they’re finally getting the hint!

As this next roll revealed, however, that was not the case.

ROLL ME 1d100 FOR NO REASON AT ALL--JUST CHECKING THE DICE SYSTEM, YEP! JUST IN CASE, THOUGH, I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

ALSO SINCE WE’RE ON THE TOPIC, PLEASE INCLUDE YOUR FAVORITE OUT OF THE FOLLOWING: SOLDIERS, BEASTS, PIRATES, OR MYSTERY BOX. THANKS FOR PARTICIPATING IN THIS TEST!
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>4934107
mystery box :)
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>4934107
Mystery box
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>4934107
mystery box
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>4934107
>MYSTERY BOX

I DON'T CARE IF WE'RE FUCKED, I'M ROLLING ANYWAYS
>>
>>4934110
>>4934114
>>4934115
GREAT ROLLS LADS
>>
>>4934110
>>4934114
>>4934115
>HIGHEST ROLL: 33

Congratulations! This test proves that at this moment you guys are pretty unlucky!

>>4934120
Not this anon, though. They get a Gold Star.

>>4934123
And this guy just kinda called people out. Pretty based, ngl

Writing! Hope you guys have a backup protagonist in mind!
>>
>>4934157
Talbot to continue janitor protag lineage
>>
>>4934183

>inb4 sewer mutants

>>4934157

Going to object on Talbot being the next janitor protag. Who wants a skeleton protag when you can have BORIS?!

Boris:
1. Can eat marrow
2. Has janky powers
3. We get an EPIC cast reshuffle

BORIS CHADS RISE UP

...i felt physical pain writing this.
>>
>>4934183
He and Stan certainly do have a similar level of intelligence...

>>4934195
But who could resist playing as the TRUE BONES QUEST PROTAGONIST?

Seriously though: update coming up in a jiff.
>>
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Sensing that you’re becoming too optimistic again, THE POWERS THAT BE opt to stomp the metaphorical sandcastle that is your day. Mere moments after expressing your thoughts to Ly, your conversation is cut short by the sound of something rocket-propelled whizzing past your face!

Before you can warn the rest of your convoy, the projectile connects with the pavement in front of you and erupts in a blinding flash of heat and light! As your face is peppered with bits of asphalt, you feel Talbot stumble beneath you!

Holding on for dear life, you do your best to squint through the dust and smoke kicked up by the military-grade ordnance that was just fired your way. Everyone oka-AAAACKK![/i]

A mouthful of dust swiftly cuts you off, but the squeal of tires at your side tell you all you need to know! As the smoke clears, you shoot a frantic glance at your side and are rewarded by a thumb’s up from Gus, his hog still purring!

Even better, the van doesn’t waste any time catching up either! Waving at you from the driver’s seat, Art does his best to shout over the roar of the engines!

“THE HELL WAS THAT?!”

Before you can respond, his answer screeches onto the road next to you--several answers, to be precise! Glancing behind Talbot, your eyes widen as you look upon a flock of cars covered in spiked scrap armor, welded-on turrets, and all sorts of post-apocalyptic decor!

That’s not what gets you, though. Just when you’re about to gear up for a LASER BLAST, a figure scrambles onto the turret of the vehicle closest to you!

“Stan,” Ly gasps, “Dat’s no skeleton!”

You’re inclined to agree. Unlike the marrow-rich freaks you’ve been fighting for days, the turret operator, his driver, and the rest of your pursuers are a bit too fleshy for your taste! Clad in shredded tires and sports equipment, the gunner swiftly loads a belt of ammo into the mounted gun before dramatically raising his meaty fists in the air!

“SOO WEEEEEEE! IT'S LOOTIN’ TIIIIIIIIIIIIME!”

Aw CRAP.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4934256
As the gunner’s fellow looters echo his cheer, you and your crew prepare for combat! Looking to Gus and the van, you’re pleased to see that the gang is already gearing up for a scrap--while Gus unholsters his SAWN-OFF SHOTGUN, the back of the van opens up revealing Kiki with a MACHINE GUN of her own flanked by Tucker, Eddie, Mitzi, and Syb!

Not one to be left out, Talbot spins around and begins jogging backwards before looking to you for instructions. The others seem to have things figured out, but what the hell are you gonna do?

>FRY ‘EM UP WITH SOME EYE LASERS!
>YOU HAVE A ROCKET LAUNCHER, RIGHT? TRY THA

An ear-piercing shriek from above followed by a road-spanning shadow tells you that your decision will have to wait. Sensing a bigger fish, the looter cars dart off the road into whatever shelter they can find--garages, busted storefronts, umbrellas. Watching them scatter, you barely hear Syb shouting at you from the back of the van!

LOOK OUT, STAN!

Opting instead to look up, your curiosity is rewarded by a set of the biggest talons you’ve ever seen--and you’ve seen a lot! Attached to them is a massive skeleton--one unlike anything you’ve seen up close! It takes you a minute before it hits you: this is one of those things that took down that news chopper back in the first few threads! Oh CRAP! Swooping down upon you with its colossal bony wings, the beast rattles your eardrums with another shriek before closing in for the kill!

As your team opens fire on the flying monstrosity, Talbot attempts to dodge to the side, but it’s too late! Perched on his shoulder with nowhere to go, you’re a sitting duck as the skeleton snatches you up and quickly ascends out of the van crew’s firing range! Feeling your heart, lungs, and stomach plunge deeper into your body, you flail like a squirrel falling off of a power line as the beast takes you skyward!

Watching your pals and the road grow smaller below you, it quickly dawns upon you just how high up you are. You’re not sure if this thing plans on eating you or dropping you, but one thing’s for certain:

This would be absolutely RADICAL if you weren’t probably about to die!

“STAN!” Ly shouts as you approach the cloudline, “WE GOTTA DO SOMETHIN’!”

Springing into action, you retrieve your CELLPHONE from your pocket and bring it close to your face! SELFIE TIME!

“NO, DAMN IT!” Ly shrieks as you snap a few photos, “SOMETHIN’ USEFUL!

Stowing your phone in your pocket, you respond with an exaggerated ‘PSSSH!’ Making memories is ALWAYS useful, Ly!

Now that he mentions it, though, you really oughta do something. Preferably before this dragon thing does. What’s the plan?

>ZAP ‘EM WITH A LASER!
>SLICE FREE WITH YOUR CLAWS!
>YOU HAVE A ROCKET LAUNCHER SOMEWHERE, RIGHT? USE THAT!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4934259
>>ZAP ‘EM WITH A LASER!

Aim for the head
>>
>>4934259
>SLICE FREE WITH YOUR CLAWS!
Opportunity to ride a flying bone dragon?
Opportunity to ride a flying bone dragon.
The selfie is gonna wait until we get to the top
>>
>>4934259
>SLICE FREE WITH YOUR CLAWS!
>>
>>4934259
This wouldn't have happened if we rode in da van.

>>4934298
>>4934315

How about we claw our way up on top of it, if we just claw out we'll fall to our death.
>>
>>4934259
>ZAP ‘EM WITH A LASER!
>>
>>4934259
QM, this is a great mystery box.
fucking skeleton dragon.
Lasers, and then claws.
ALSO, we should probably activate our armor. This seems like a moment where you would want that specifically.
>>
actually, couldn't we get Ly to possess the dragon?
>>
>>4934376
Hey, you're the guys who chose it! We aim to please! I can certainly factor in your armor choice as well!

>>4934336
True, but riding on the shoulder of a twelve-foot-tall metallic skeleton hitman is pretty darn cool.

>>4934390
You can certainly try--looks like we're starting with breaking free, though!

>>4934266
>>4934370
>ZAP 'EM!

>>4934298
>>4934315
>>4934336
>>4934376
>CLAW FREE!

Looks like Stan's gonna CLAW FREE! PLEASE ROLL 1d100+5 TO CUT LOOSE! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Also, please include details of your escape: do you just wanna CLAW FREE AND DROP, or CLAW FREE AND CLIMB THE DRAGON? Thanks and good luck!
>>
Rolled 49 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4934422

>Claw
>Climb
>Activate Armor
>Selfie
>Drop (in style!)

no shit rolls this time
>>
Rolled 88 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4934422
see that dragon? you can climb it
>>
Rolled + 5 (1d00 + 5)

>>4934431
+1ing this. Crap I keep missing the votes!
>>
>>4934510

You missed your 100 there too, anon...
>>
Rolled 97 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4934518
>>4934510

Screw it, I'll just roll again
>>
>>4934544
Hate to say it, anon, but I didn't ask for people to roll again--afraid I can't count this roll.

Nah, just messing with ya.

>>4934510
No clue what happened to this roll, though! Weird!

>>4934431
>>4934432
>>4934544
>Highest roll: 102!!!!!!

Writing the last update of the night!
>>
>>4934585
What happened was I rolled a 100 but because it's Bones Quest it simply erased my roll
>>
>>4934588
Dicelor works in mysterious ways...
>>
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Feeling the beast’s claws close around you, a tiny, cobweb-covered switch flicks on inside your head! Wait a minute--this thing isn’t a dragon at all, is it?!

“Stan…”

It’ll only take a second, Ly--dragons are the ones with two legs, right? Or was that a wyvern? Crap…

“We’ll have plenty of time ta’ suss dat’ out once we’re back on solid ground!” Ly spits, sending a spike of pain through your skull! OW!

Wincing in pain, you get the impression that Ly’s getting irritated and opt to bust out! Wriggling an arm free of the creature’s talons, your plan runs into a snag when the beast banks upwards and takes both of you even higher in the air! As your stomach turns from the sudden dose of g-force, you feel your right arm come loose enough to free! With a devious chuckle, you extend your BONE CLAWS into the dragon’s ribs! Carving into them with a dull ‘THUNK’, your attack elicits a shriek of pain from the beast as you feel its grip loosen around you!

You let out a haughty laugh as you break free--not as tough as he looks, is he?!

“Err… Nice job an’ all, cupcake, but…”

Ly doesn’t need to finish his sentence--you’re only free for a second or two before gravity gives you a gentle reminder of its existence. Glancing downward like the cartoons you used to watch, it suddenly occurs to you that the dragon’s claws were the only things keeping you aloft. If you had a sign with the word ‘YIKES’ on it, you’d be holding it up right now!

Growing impatient with the narration, gravity sends you hurtling back down to the ground! Though you manage to hold onto your hat, you’d be lying if you said things didn’t look that bad right about now! Hey, you can see your parent’s house from here!

“Things are about ta’ get WORSE!

Before you can unpack the meaning behind Ly’s warning, reality gives you a little boost: tumbling through the air like a ragdoll, your eyes pop out from their sockets as you spy the dragon looping around to your position from below! Though you try to ‘swim’ away from the beast’s rapidly-approaching maw, the beast proves to be much faster--if you don’t do something he’s gonna catch you like a piece of popcorn!

… Now that sounds good right about now…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4934682
“No time ta’ think of food!” Ly howls! “DO somethin’!”

A few ideas come to mind, but none of them really fit with the whole ‘falling towards a dragon skeleton’s mouth at terminal velocity’ thing. Coming up blank, you know there’s only one thing left to do!

“Die?” Ly asks.

Not yet, you shout! You’re gonna do what you’ve done from the beginning: GO WITH THE FLOW! Your skeleton stays silent for a moment, then flicks your forehead with your own fingers! OW!

“Den’ go wit’ da’ flow FASTER!

Well if he’s gonna get all fussy about it… Cracking your knuckles, you lock eyes with the dragon approaching from below--he might not have a digestive tract anymore, but you don’t plan on taking any chances in that mouth of his! Straightening your body like a javelin, you hold your breath as your streamlined form rushes towards the beast!

Inches away from its yawning maw, time slows to a crawl--the dragon’s glowing red eyes follow you every step of the way as you sail towards his mouth. It’s not until you can see the back of his mouth that you put your plan into motion!

With a cheeky grin, you flick the ‘switch’ in your mouth that activates your BONE ARMOR and laugh triumphantly as the chitinous material leaps from your tooth enamel and all over your body!

The dragon, of course, is understandably perplexed. So much so, in fact, that it barely alters its course as your armor’s new weight and proportions alter your trajectory just enough to send you towards the corner of the skeleton’s jaws!

Seeing your chance, you grit your teeth through the waves of pain pulsing through you and dig a handful of BONE CLAWS into the dragon’s cheekbone! Though it screeches in pain and dives to shake you off, you manage to sink your other set of claws in as well and hang on for dear life!

Twisting, diving, and banking all over the smoke-covered sky above your hometown, you miraculously manage to not only stay firmly-planted on the beast’s face, but also manage to keep the contents of your stomach down too! Not bad!

“Okay, we ain’t dead.” Ly thinks aloud. “Now what?”

You give your skeleton a disapproving smirk through your armor--whaddaya mean, ‘what’? What did he think this was all for?!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4934687
Before Ly can answer, you flick the ‘switch’ in your mouth and send your armor retracting back into your tooth! Fighting through the pain, disorientation, and wind whipping against your face, you somehow manage to retrieve your CELLPHONE from your pocket!

“Oh for cryin’ out loud…” Ly mutters under his breath as you get your face and the dragon’s head in the frame! Quit moping and get in the shot, man, it’s SELFIE TIME!

WHAT POSE OR EXPRESSION DO YOU MAKE WITH YOUR NEW PAL? FEEL FREE TO DESCRIBE OR DRAW--LORD KNOWS I CAN’T SKETCH TO SAVE MY LIFE!

>JUST SMILE! TRY TO LOOK NICE!
>KISSY FACE! SPICE IT UP A BIT!
>PEACE SIGN! THAT’S POPULAR, RIGHT?
>WRITE-IN
>>
And that's all for tonight, folks! Should have more for ya on TUESDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST! Glad you guys chose the MYSTERY BOX this time around--hope you all can come up with some TRENDY POSES too! Hope to seeya next time!
>>
>>4934690
>PEACE SIGN! THAT’S POPULAR, RIGHT?
>>
>>4934690
>>PEACE SIGN! THAT’S POPULAR, RIGHT?
>>
>>4934690
>JUST SMILE! TRY TO LOOK NICE!
Can't do a peace sign, we need one hand to hold on.
>>
>>4934690
>KISSY FACE! SPICE IT UP A BIT!
>>
>>4934690
>KISSY FACE! SPICE IT UP A BIT!
>>
>>4934697
>>4934733
BOTH AT THE SAME TIME!
>>
>>4934690
>Tongue out and absolutely lovin this shit
>>
>>4934697
>>4934704
>PEACE!

>>4934705
>PROBABLY THE SMARTEST AND LEAST-DANGEROUS POSE GIVEN THE CURRENT SITUATION

>>4934733
>>4934762
>KISS KISS

>>4935032
>BOTH KISS AND PEACE

>>4935209
>TONGUE OUT AND LOVIN' THIS SHIT

In the interest of keeping shit going, we'll be doing the classic KISSY FACE PEACE SIGN COMBO! Writing!
>>
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So many ideas, so little time! Besides, sooner or later you’re gonna have to get off this wild ride--you can already tell Ly’s getting a bit cranky! With that in mind, you opt for the classic KISSY FACE AND PEACE SIGN COMBO--simple, sure, but reliable!

Say what you will about its attitude thus far, the dragon knows how to pose for a picture! They don’t even try to shake you off until you’re done snapping--that’s a PRO move right there! Taking a few moments to flick through your pics and delete the ones where you and the beast look fat, you eventually settle on one and stuff your CELLPHONE safely away in your pocket.

Sensing that selfie time is over, the dragon takes advantage of the moment to pull a corkscrew which, besides taking you by surprise, reminds you that you retracted your BONE CLAWS to take the picture. Handy though they may be, you’re not showing those off in a pic--they ain’t exactly dating app material, dig?

Oh, right, you’re about to fall again--better take care of that!

ROLL 1d100+5 TO REGAIN YOUR GRASP OF THE SITUATION! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 87 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4935318
>>
Rolled 37 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4935318
>>
Rolled 37 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4935318
>>
>>4935319
>>4935320
>>4935324
>HIGHEST ROLL: 92!

>>4935320
>>4935324
Pretty cool that you guys got the exact same roll, though. Freaky!

Writing!
>>
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Fool me once, shame on you! Fool me twice...

You struggle to remember how the saying ends as you jam your BONE CLAWS into a bony crest near the back of the beast’s skull. Let’s see… fool me twice and… you’re a dick.

“Flawless.” Ly groans. “Are we done takin’ pics? If dis’ keeps up we’re gonna need a whole lotta’ luck ta’ survive da’ fall… Dat’ or a real big trampoline…”

You’ll add that to the gang’s shopping list once you’re on solid ground again! For now you’re clinging to the dragon for dear life--thankfully in an area where he can’t chomp on you! Just when you think you’re safe, though, the monster’s head dips to the side as it brings one of its colossal claws raking across the side of its skull! Darting out of harm’s way, you manage to regain your grip right when the dragon performs another barrel roll--this guy thinks he’s pretty smart, doesn’t he?

“He’s got da’ advantage until we fight back, cupcake!” Ly shouts! “How are we gonna deal wit’ dis’ thing?!”

How indeed? Whatever you do, you’d better do it quickly--your arms are getting sore! This is what you get for never working out…

>LASER BLAST THIS JERK IN THE HEAD!
>YOU STILL HAVE A GRENADE LEFT…
>BLAST HIS WINGS! SHOTGUN, ROCKET LAUNCHER, TAKE YOUR PICK!
>GET LY TO POSSESS HIM! IT WON’T BE EASY, BUT….
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4935387
>GET LY TO POSSESS HIM! IT WON’T BE EASY, BUT….
>>
>>4935387
>GET LY TO POSSESS HIM! IT WON’T BE EASY, BUT….
>>
>>4935387
the dragon's been weakened, so we could probably possess it, even if we can't, it's easily the coolest option
>>
>>4935387
>GET LY TO POSSESS HIM! IT WON’T BE EASY, BUT….
>>
>>4935394
Weakened by what? We've barely scratched it a couple of times.
>>
>>4935390
>>4935391
>>4935394
>>4935396
>POSSESSION!

>>4935394
Hate to say it, pal, but >>4935412
is right--besides making a few divots in its bones all you've really managed to do is hang on for dear life and get a sweet selfie out of it.

That said, this guy is basically in peak condition, so you're gonna take a bit of a penalty here. Good luck!

ROLL 1d100-10 TO TAKE CONTROL! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>4935431
>Assuming direct control
>>
Rolled 60 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>4935431
COME ON 100
>>
Rolled 46 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>4935431
LESSGOOOO
>>
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>>4935436
>>4935437
>>4935442
>HIGHEST ROLL: 65!

I WILL DIRECT THIS PERSONAL'LY'.

Writing!
>>
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Sifting through the rogue state’s-worth of weapons in your pockets, a sudden realization hits you like a truck! Digging your claws deeper into the dragon’s skull, you hang on by a thread as your ride starts flying upside-down! Gritting your teeth through the burning pain in your noodly arms, you shout Ly’s name a few times to get his attention!

“Still here, kiddo!” Ly reports, floating next to your dangling form as an ASTRAL PROJECTION.Hangin’ in there?”

You’d punch him if your arms weren’t so tired. Trying your best not to look down, you raise a sweat-drenched eyebrow towards your skeleton’s ghostly form. He can still POSSESS stuff, right? The apparition nods.

“Sure I can, but-” now it’s his turn to be hit by the REALIZATION TRUCK! “Holy cow, Stan. Holy COW.

Quit gushing about it and DO IT! You bark! Cracking his ASTRAL KNUCKLES, Ly cackles devilishly as he dips into the bone dragon’s skull! Whatever Ly’s doing, the dragon senses it--you scarcely have time to reinforce your grip before the winged terror starts flailing around like it just pissed on an electric fence!

Gritting your teeth against the g-force buffet you’re being served, you cling to one of the spikes protruding from the dragon’s skull and cling to it like a mechanical bull! Is Ly DONE YET?!

“W-WORKIN’ ON IT!” grunts a disembodied voice in your head! “DA’ RAT WAS MUCH EASIER TA’-”

Ly’s sentence is drowned out by a series of grunts from the dragon’s mouth! Sensing a change, the beast stops jerking around to glance at its claws giving you a chance to clamber to a more comfortable mount. Is uh… did Ly win?

“Y-yea?” replies a familiar voice in your head. “Holy cats, Stan… Dis’ is… Dis’ is NEAT!

The dragon turns its massive head your way and gives you a wink. Sharing a mischievous laugh, the two of you shut up when you feel the now-familiar sensation of falling. Hanging on for dear life, you kick your heels into Ly’s massive vertebrae a few times--what’s he waiting for?! FLY!!!

“Err… U-un memento…” Ly mutters as he tests his new wings. Though he flaps with all his might, it does little to stop your rapid descent! Watching in horror as you see the city getting bigger and closer, your mind races with possible solutions!

>KEEP SCREAMING! IF YOU PANIC, LY WILL TOO! PANIC’S A GREAT TEACHER!
>THREATEN HIM! HE’LL PROBABLY HAVE TO SPEND THE AFTERLIFE WITH YOU, SO HE’D BETTER TRY HARD!
>ENCOURAGE HIM! YOU’RE NO FLYING COACH, BUT…
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4935525

>ENCOURAGE HIM! YOU’RE NO FLYING COACH, BUT…

We suddenly have a memory about some MindWorks movie about some scrawny viking kid and his pet dragon-- if he could teach his dragon to fly, so can we.
>>
>>4935525
>ENCOURAGE HIM! YOU’RE NO FLYING COACH, BUT…
>>
>>4935525
>ENCOURAGE HIM! YOU’RE NO FLYING COACH, BUT…
All he has to do is miss the ground, we already have a great track record for terrible aim. What's one more miss?
>>
>>4935592
>>4935603
>>4935611
>ENCOURAGEMENT!

WRITING!
>>
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You’ve never been much of a role model, nor have you ever claimed to be one. You might have given people advice on occasion, but aside from a few heated forum debates over optimal Blood-Sucking Freaks strats, you wouldn’t consider yourself much of a teacher.

That said, struggling to keep hold of the dragon and your cap while you all plummet towards certain doom, you decide that now’s a good of a time as any to coach Ly in FLYING 101. You’ll collect tuition assuming you make it out alive!

Relaying your plans to your skeleton-turned-dragon, you feel the beast nod its head.

“I’m listenin’!”

Tips! Right! Sticking your tongue out in concentration, you start with the first thing that comes to mind: his aim is shit, right?

“Pretty sure that’s your aim, cupcake!” He retorts, still frantically flapping his wings!

Cementics! Point is, you and him miss stuff all the time, right? All he needs to do now is miss the GROUND! Ly stops flapping for a moment to ponder your wisdom.

“... Maybe I should just let us splatter.”

Okay, not the best advice--read ya loud and clear! Still clinging to Ly for dear life, another light fizzles to life in your head--a memory of that MindWorks movie you saw in High School! You were pretty buzzed, sure, but it had something to do with dragons and uh… coaching them, right?

“Pretty sure dat’ was ‘HOW TA’ COACH YOUR WYRM’!” Ly muses! “Not much of a story, but it had its moments! I preferred da’ book, myself!”

Great, you holler! Then he can use that to fly! How’d that even work out in the movie anyways?

“Can barely remember!” Ly shouts as you both tumble through a smoky cloud! “You spent a lot of it in da’ bathroom pukin’!”

Huh. No wonder your mouth tastes sour right now… As your mind wanders back to that grimy theater bathroom, the morals and lessons of the movie come rushing back to you! Yes, you hiss as you duck a flock of pigeons, that’s it!

“W-what is!?” Ly asks, covering his new eyes with his claws!

The moral of the movie, you explain, was FRIENDSHIP! You think there might have been something about going against tradition somewhere, but you can’t quite recall. You’ll have to watch the movie again once this is all sorted out!

“... Sober?” Ly asks, peeking from behind his talons.

No promises. Anyways, you huff, How to Coach Your Wyrm is right, Ly--no matter what happens, you believe in him! He’s your skeleton, damn it--if anyone can learn to fly in a forced and contrived manner, it’s him!

“Ya’ know what?” Ly growls, removing his claws from his face, “You’re RIGHT!” Spreading his wings wide, Ly mimics the award-winning CGI-generated movements of the movie’s dragon co-star and dives through the clouds! No you IDIOT, you growl, he should be inspired to fly, not commit SUICIDE!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4935788
As Ly carries both of you towards the ground, you take a moment to curse his name one last time--you’re not that spiritual, but if anyone’s going to Hell it’s HIM!

“Relax, cupcake!” He remarks in a confident tone! “No one’s goin’ ta’ Hell yet!”

Extending his wings as wide as they go, Ly pulls you both out of the suicide dive and up into the sky! Picking your jaw back up, you shoot an incredulous look at the possessed dragon’s eye! Ly, you mutter with disbelief, you’re FLYING!

“Dis’ ain’t flyin’!” Ly chuckles! “Dis’ is FALLIN’! WIT STY-”

Your moment with Ly is dashed to pieces by the sudden appearance of the CLEARWATER GENERAL HOSPITAL in your flight route, literally and figuratively. Exploding on impact, it takes your friends hours to find all of your pieces. If they weren’t so distraught by your swift and sudden demise, they might have appreciated the irony of a hospital killing you.

GAME OVER! Score: 1 out of 500 Points.
Restore
Restart
[Quit
>>
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>>4935790
Okay, okay, we’ll keep going a little longer!

Smashing through the windows and masonry of the hospital’s upper levels, Ly manages to swerve away from the center of the building. Taking you higher amidst a shower of glass and hospital equipment, the dragon does a quick spin to clear his wings of clinging debris. Close call!

“You can say DAT’ again!” Ly sighs! “We didn’t hit anyone, did we?”

Picking up a piece of lingering detritus, you examine it closer and discover it’s a door plaque of some sort. Wiping off the dust and grime, you manage to make out the words ‘CANCER WARD.

“WELL?!” Ly repeats, playfully dipping up and down in the air. Scoffing, you toss the plaque to the streets below. Nothing important, you reply, just some entitled bastards who apparently need a whole wing of a hospital! Typical Astrology Freaks--you bet those cultists have LEO and PISCES WARDS too!

“Didn’t Boris or someone evacuate dat’ place?” Ly asks. “Hope they got everyone out…”

Retracting your BONE CLAWS, you take a moment to regain your breath--that certainly took a year or two off of your lifespan!

“Those look like they could too.” Ly remarks, pointing his new head at the distant shadows of winged figures similar to his own. “Guess dat’ explains da’ lack of aircraft.”

Speaking of aircraft, you segue, remember that place? Ly follows your finger towards the colossal fortress hovering above the town surrounded by storm clouds and countless red dots--must be those FLYING SKULL things you saw when you astrally-projected. The dragon’s vertebrae shiver beneath you.

“How could I forget?” Ly mutters under his breath. “An’ take a look below it!”

Below Clearwater’s newest FORTRESS OF DOOM sits the reigning champ: CLEARWATER CITY HALL. The only difference is that you probably don’t have to pay for parking in TIM’S lair! Squinting a bit harder, though, you can just barely make out some sort of COLUMN OF LIGHT reaching all the way up to TIM’S FORT.

“Guess dat’s how they get BONES up to da’ fortress.” Ly guesses, snorting through his nonexistent nose. “Hope we still got time ta’ clean house before dat’ psycho collects da’ whole town…”

Speaking of ‘cleaning house’, you begin, you should use this dragon to your advantage! How long does Ly have control of it anyways?

“Couldn’t tell ya.” Ly swiftly replies. “Da’ rat I possessed earlier didn’t put up much of a fight, but dis’ guy… I dunno…”

In that case, you retort, you oughta’ use your time wisely! What’s the plan now, anyways?

>CHOICES IN NEXT POST!
>>
>>4935794
You’ve got a pretty good view up here, and Ly could probably do some damage… Now that you think about it, can he breathe FIRE? Your pet dragon responds by coughing up a plume of rancid flames. “Probably!”

Bitchin’!

>SCOUT THE UNIVERSITY! MAYBE YOU CAN CLEAR THE PATH FOR THE OTHERS!
>AID YOUR PALS! THOSE LOOTERS MIGHT STRIKE AGAIN!
>CHECK THE COAST! ANY SIGN OF PIRATES OR SEA WITCHES?
>SCREW IT, LET’S ATTACK TIM’S FORT! IT MIGHT PISS HIM OFF A BIT!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4935797
>SCREW IT, LET’S ATTACK TIM’S FORT! IT MIGHT PISS HIM OFF A BIT!

It's not a smart plan, but Stan ain't a smart girl. SPEEDRUN TIME
>>
>>4935797

>SCOUT THE UNIVERSITY! MAYBE YOU CAN CLEAR THE PATH FOR THE OTHERS!
Let's put this dragon to not-quite-as-suicidal use
>>
>>4935797
>>SCREW IT, LET’S ATTACK TIM’S FORT! IT MIGHT PISS HIM OFF A BIT!

Cause we're Stanley Fucking Parble and we do what we want.
>>
>>4935797
>SCOUT THE UNIVERSITY! MAYBE YOU CAN CLEAR THE PATH FOR THE OTHERS!
As fun as going George W. Bush on Tim would be. It might not be the best plan. Although maybe we could have ly ditch control while aiming towards something important
>>
I can sense this is a bit of a big decision and I'm also feeling a bit lightheaded, so I'm gonna take the rest of the night off and rest a bit. I'll check in again around 11-12PM PST ON WEDNESDAY and see if our tie is broken!

Thank you all for being so invested and hopefully I'll see you next time! Don't be afraid to change your vote if you like--nothing's set in stone yet!
>>
>>4935797
>AID YOUR PALS! THOSE LOOTERS MIGHT STRIKE AGAIN!
>>
>>4935878
I'll change to scout the university for the sake of not game-ending us I suppose
>>
>>4935794
>>4935830
>AID YOUR PALS! THOSE LOOTERS MIGHT STRIKE AGAIN!
Lets try and help out the bois
>>
>>4935797
>CHECK THE COAST! ANY SIGN OF PIRATES OR SEA WITCHES?
>>
>>4935806
>>4935830
>>4936067
>UNIVERSITY!

>>4935825
>THE FORT!

>>4936059
>>4936188
>AID YOUR PALS!

>>4936453
>CHECK THE COAST!

>>4936067
Don't worry, man--I'm never gonna do a 'GOTCHA' and kill you guys with one choice. A few choices, however...

Anywho, WRITING!
>>
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You take one last wistful look at TIM’S STUPID FORTRESS and sigh--as much as it would delight you to test your new ROCKET LAUNCHER on his pad, something tells you that’d be a waste of your dragon. He’ll get his…

“In dat’ case,” Ly interrupts, “Where to? I think I’ve got da’ hang of dis’ ‘flyin’’ thing now, but it’s gettin’ a bit hard ta’ concentrate…”

Your intel said that there were PIRATES at the UNIVERSITY-- might not be a bad idea to pay them a little visit before the others get there! Besides, you grin, what better way is there to tour a college than on top of a BONE DRAGON?

“Can’t argue wit’ dat!” Ly nods, banking towards what you assume to be CLEARWATER UNIVERSITY’S direction. “You gonna let da’ others know?”

Hey, you almost forgot about that! Retrieving your RADIO from your pocket, you quickly tune it to the frequency Denise and the others used during the Dam Operation and shout a few greetings into the receiver! DO YOU COPY?!

AAAUGH!” Replies Denise amidst the sound of water sloshing around. “S-STAN! I-I-Still brushing my teeth!

Quit brushing your teeth and get to WORK, you snarl! Besides, you wanted to talk to the others! Don’t any of them have a radio?

Moments later, you’re greeted by the sound of a chip bag crumpling. “Yo Stan, saw you train a dragon!” Grinning at Mitzi’s voice, you give the radio an unnecessary nod--yep, Ly’s taken control and you’re headed for the college!

“Oh dang, forgot he could do that!” She gasps. “Well those LOOTERS ran off, so Art’s sayin’ we’ll be right behind you as long as nothing else comes to get us.”

Before you can confirm, you hear the radio changing hands. “Stan? It’s Tucker!” Hi, Tucker! “H-hi. Look, before you tear the whole college apart, there’s something you should know.”

H-he’s not actually a PRINCE, is he?!

“What? No!” He replies in a somewhat flustered tone. “I was just gonna say that when we uh… retreated, there were still a lot of students up there. Kiki, Ed and I would appreciate it if you kept an eye out!”

Figures. You get a pet BONE DRAGON and you can’t even use it to level another educational institution. This apocalypse sucks!

“Anyways, let us know what you see!” Tucker continues. “We’ll let you know when we’re nearby so we can link up.”

Before you can sign off, you hear a few muffled voices in the background.

“Oh yea--Kiki and Ed say ‘Hi.’”

Hey guys!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4936617
Okay, you sigh, putting your RADIO away, where to? As if reading your mind, Ly points his new head in the direction of a collection of rectangular buildings just North of the coast.

“Dat’s gotta be it over there!” Ly reports. “Looks a helluva’ lot smaller from up here, don’t it?”

You nod. Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings…


“Err… Sure!” Ly nods as you begin your descent. Leaning over the side of the dragon, you frown at the dark and stormy water just off the coast--if only these jerks could just stay on their ships! Your view picks up something far more exciting, however--not too far Southwest of the college sits the box-shaped building that leads into THE WAILING CAVERNS! You’re gonna have to go there after this!

“If those bony bastards touched dat’ wonder of da’ world…” Ly growls, sending bits of ash and flame out of his new mouth. “A-anyways, let’s see what we’re dealin’ wit’ up here!”

Your skeleton takes you low over the campus revealing what you more or less expected: though it’s sequestered in the surrounding redwoods, CLEARWATER UNIVERSITY could clearly use a bit of TLC... Plumes of smoke waft into the sky from fires peeking through holes in the buildings, and squinting through the ash reveals several shapes darting around the campus. SKELETONS!

“I’ll take us around for a closer look!” Ly shouts. “Keep low--they probably don’t see ya’ yet!”

Buzzing the campus, you cautiously peer into the chaos below for anything that can help.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4936619
The first thing you notice, besides the countless barricades built out of furniture and wrecked cars, is the MASSIVE BONFIRE near the center of campus--whether it serves a purpose or not remains to be seen, but one thing’s for sure--you can see a LOT of SKELETONS down there!

Just North, however, appears to be some kind of APARTMENT BLOCK. Nothing fancy, mind, but nicer than yours from the looks of it! A quick look shows you several hastily-boarded up windows along with the flash of gunshots inside. Fun.

Across the way you notice a line of several GARISH HOUSES marked with SOME KIND OF ALIEN LETTERS! Before you can get a better look, though, Ly banks away. “Didja’ see ‘em?!” He asks, taking you North. “CANNONS! All over da’ roofs!”

Taking his word for it, you continue your scouting as you head to the top of campus. Aside from several nondescript academic buildings marked with signs that are a bit too small to read at this height, you pass by a LAVISH MANSION surrounded by a tall wall--who the heck lives there?!

“Probably da’ DEAN!” Ly answers, giving his wings a few flaps. “He’s kinda like da’ principal!”

See, this is why you haven’t gone to college!

“... Da’ SKELETON PIRATES?

No, Ly, all of the weird names! It’s dizzying! Though the pirates do put a damper on things.

“Maybe you can enroll after all dis’.” Ly suggests, taking you to the West. “Somethin’ tells me they’re gonna be starved for new students.”

Soaring by a large athletic field surrounded by scrap palisades, you manage to get a glimpse of some kind of show going on at the OVAL BUILDING next to it--some kind of ARENA? You were never much of an athlete…

Below that sits a LARGE BUILDING WITH A CLEARWATER UNIVERSITY SIGN IN FRONT. The parking lot in front of it lies riddled with burned-out vehicles leading you to believe this was probably some kind of WELCOME CENTER or something. The skeletons hanging out in front, however, do little to make you feel welcomed.

Just when you think you’ve seen all you can see, you notice a CLUE in the parking lot next to one of the Western academic buildings! Sitting in the back is what appears to be a SMALL BOAT-- one that belongs to the school!

Taking you back into the sky, Ly looks your way expectantly.

“So,” he grunts, “Dat’s probably da’ best look we’re gonna get up here... What’s da’ plan until da’ others arrive?"

>ATTACK SOME SKELETONS! THEY’RE GONNA FIND OUT ABOUT US EVENTUALLY!
>BURN A BUILDING! COULD SAVE US SOME TIME IF THERE’S NOTHING IMPORTANT INSIDE! (WHICH ONE?)
>LET’S LAND SOMEWHERE! (WHERE?)
>LET’S REGROUP WITH THE GANG!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4936619
>LET’S REGROUP WITH THE GANG!

We can attack random skeletons along the way
>>
>>4936623
>ATTACK SOME SKELETONS! THEY’RE GONNA FIND OUT ABOUT US EVENTUALLY!
They want a bonfire right? Lets spice it up
>>
>>4936623
>>4936667
Don't you guys mean bonefire?

>ATTACK SOME SKELETONS! THEY’RE GONNA FIND OUT ABOUT US EVENTUALLY!
>>
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>>4936655
>REGROUP!

>>4936667
>>4936676
>NAPALM FOR BREAKFAST

>>4936676
>spoilertext
Pic related, you genius, you.

Okay folks, time to give me a few things:

FIRST, ROLL ME 1d100+5 TO TOAST SOME BONES! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

SECOND, ANYWHERE YOU WANNA TARGET IN PARTICULAR? IF NOT I'LL JUST HAVE YOU FLY AROUND AND EQUALLY TORCH EVERYONE!


Also gonna warn everyone that I am TIRED today--didn't get a wink of sleep. Updates might be a bit slower and sloppier than usual--you have been WARNED.
>>
Rolled 10 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4936711
>>
Rolled 47 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4936711
Let's try and torch their CANNONS
>>
Rolled 59 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4936711
CANNONS
>>
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>>4936715
>>4936716
>>4936725

these rolls...
>>
>>4936715
>>4936716
>>4936725
>HIGHEST ROLL: 64!

Writing!
>>
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You don’t know much about them, but you know one thing about pirates: they LOVE cannons. Love ‘em! And since you lost your chance to mess with TIM’S FORT…

“Way ahead of ya’, cupcake.” Ly replies with a devilish chuckle. “Let’s have a barbeque!”

https://youtu.be/DPtn9KzfsGI

Swooping low over the houses marked with the STRANGE SYMBOLS,, you cackle with glee as Ly opens his new mouth and showers the whole row with dragon fire! As the roofs crackle and groan in the thick flames, you and Ly are rewarded by angry shouts from within! Gaining altitude, you duck closer to Ly’s body as a hail of bullets whiz by your head--but something sounds… Different about them.

If Ly’s worried, he doesn’t show it. The two of you swing around for another bombing run as the home’s inhabitants take position on the roofs. Laughing off the flames around them, the unmistakable shapes of SKELETON PIRATES aim their weapons your way! Not taking chances, you aid Ly’s flames with some heat of your own: opening your eyes as wide as they can go, you send an EYE LASER through the houses, cutting through their masonry like a hot knife through a house made out of butter!

A chorus of disappointed ‘AAAAARRRRs reach your ears as you and Ly depart from the crumbling houses! Looking back, you give the collapsing structures a haughty grin--serves them right!

“Let’s hope there weren’t any STUDENTS or IMPORTANT ITEMS in those…” Ly remarks as you watch the whole block collapse. Hey, you never said you were a GOOD GUY! Sacrifices must be made if you’re gonna win this war!

Okay, Stan…” Ly replies in a tone that is clearly not okay. “Got some bad news for ya, Attila--I uh… I don’t think I can keep dis’ guy wrangled for much longer…”

AWWW, SERIOUSLY!?! You barely got to do anything! You pout, kicking your heels into Ly’s borrowed ribs a few times!

“Quit it before I bite your legs off, ya moron!” Ly snarls! “We took care of their CANNONS, but if we don’t handle dis’ dragon there’s no tellin’ what he’s gonna do when he wakes up!”

Crossing your arms, you huff--he has a point, but that doesn’t mean you’ve gotta like it. Looks like you’re on the home stretch with your DRAGON PAL-- the question is, what do you do with him?

>CRASH HIM INTO A BUILDING OR SOMETHING! (WHICH ONE?)
>LAND SOMEWHERE! IF YOU HEAD INSIDE HE WON’T KNOW WHERE YOU WENT!
>JUST KILL HIM NOW! LASER HIM OR SOMETHING!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4936816
>>CRASH HIM INTO A BUILDING OR SOMETHING! (WHICH ONE?)
Lets slam him into the bonfire
>>
>>4936816
>>CRASH HIM INTO A BUILDING OR SOMETHING! (WHICH ONE?)
>>
>>4936822
+1

It's a shame though, he even stopped to let us take a picture. In another lifetime, we could've been best buds I'm sure
>>
>>4936926
Such is life in the grimdark world of Bones Quest...

>>4936822
>>4936908
>>4936926
>I'VE HEARD OF 'CRASHING AND BURNING', BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS!

Read ya loud and clear, folks. You know the drill by now:

ROLL ME 1d100+5 TO DEAL WITH LOOSE ENDS--I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

FEEL FREE TO INCLUDE STRATS AS TO HOW YOU'LL AVOID DYING ON THE DISMOUNT, TOO, UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO IMPROVISE!
>>
Rolled 97 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4936933
We have rockabilly ribs, emu legs, and bone armor. Lets dismount in style as we aim him. We should probably avoid getting fully bogged down in skeletons when we land though
>>
Rolled 90 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4936933

1. Recall that mythbusters episode about the elevator myth
2. Jump right off right before the dragon crashes into the building
3. Land safely without taking fall damage
4. Get caught in the explosion and desperately use bone armor to not die
5. Profit?
>>
Rolled 23 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4936933
:cowangutankanye:
>>
>>4936935
>>4936936
>>4936978
>HIGHEST ROLL: 102!!!!!

Yea, those will do. Writing!
>>
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Frowning at the crowds of bloodthirsty buccaneers forming below you, it doesn’t take long to come up with a plan! Pointing Ly in the direction of the central bonfire, you snap your fingers a few times to motivate him. Chop-chop!

“Er, we droppin’ dis’ guy in da’ fire?” Ly asks, earning an annoyed nod from you. Where else would he want to crash land a bone dragon? The RECYCLE BIN?

“Nah, it makes sense.” Ly acquiesces as he adjusts his heading. “Just uh… Where exactly are we gonna land?”

Vaguely gesturing to the passing college buildings and redwoods, you shrug. Does it matter? You’ll figure it out before you jump, dang it--would it kill him to have a little FAITH?!

“Nah,” Ly grunts as he swerves to avoid a few bullets from your new pals below, “but crashing into a massive fire might!”

What a baby. Rolling your eyes, you whip out your RADIO again and give your cronies a call. DO YOU READ?!

“There she is!” Mitzi remarks in a bemused tone. “We’re just about there--saw your little fireworks show on the way up.”

Yea, you giggle, you’re pretty cool. Did they hit any resistance?

“Not yet. We’re hoping your uh… distraction clears out the resistance on the way. We’ll let ya know, boss.”

See that you do, you growl. You’re gonna be dropping into Hostile Territory--might take a while to link up! Mitzi responds with a confused noise.

“H-huh? You gonna be okay, Stan? I mean, it’s you we’re talkin’ about, but-”

But nothing, you fire back! You’ll be peachy keen! Once they’re on campus you’ll meet up with them!

“You’re the boss, Stan.” Mitzi relents with a sigh. “Just uh… Be careful, okay?”

You chuckle in response--you always are! Stuffing the radio back into your pocket, you look up just in time to see Ly line up with your target!

“Hope we’re fast enough…” He mutters. “Don’t want dis’ guy comin’ after us for payback…”

Not in this lifetime, you grin. Ly looks back at you with his dragon eyes and returns your smile.

“True dat’, cupcake. In dat’ case, where we gonna get off?”

Say what you will about his earlier flight attempts--Ly got you a pretty decent flight vector here. If you time it right, you could PARKOUR off at a FEW PLACES:

>THAT ARENA’S ROOF IS SLOPED, BUT PROMISING!
>THE ROOFS NEAR THE COLLEGE CENTER SOUND GOOD! WASN’T IT CALLED A ‘QUAD’?
>THOSE APARTMENTS SEEM FORTIFIED--SHOULD SLOW DOWN THOSE PIRATES!
>THERE’S AN ACADEMIC BUILDING NEARBY--MIGHT BE WORTH LANDING ON AND CHECKING OUT!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4937031
>THAT ARENA’S ROOF IS SLOPED, BUT PROMISING!
I have zero plan here
>>
>>4937031
>THERE’S AN ACADEMIC BUILDING NEARBY--MIGHT BE WORTH LANDING ON AND CHECKING OUT!
>>
>>4937031
>THOSE APARTMENTS SEEM FORTIFIED--SHOULD SLOW DOWN THOSE PIRATES!

We can check for survivors this way
>>
Gonna be playing a game with some pals in a bit, so I'll check back on this ON THURSDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST. I'll roll a tie-breaker tonight after games if there aren't more voters by then. Seeya next time!
>>
>>4937031
>THOSE APARTMENTS SEEM FORTIFIED--SHOULD SLOW DOWN THOSE PIRATES!
>>
>>4937031
>THOSE APARTMENTS SEEM FORTIFIED--SHOULD SLOW DOWN THOSE PIRATES!
>>
>>4937033
>TO THE ARENA!

>>4937045
>ACADEMIC BUILDING!

>>4937077
>>4937341
>>4937363
>THE APARTMENTS!

Looks like we're apartment hunting, pals. Writing!
>>
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From your lofty perch you can easily see that the DORM BUILDING or whatever the hell they call them seems much sturdier than the others--Most, if not all of the windows and balconies are boarded up, and while there do seem to be quite a few skeletons crowding the bottom, the majority don’t really seem to be getting in. You plug that into your calculator and you get a smiley face, dang it.

“We apartment huntin’, then?” Ly asks as you jab a finger in the direction of the building. “Alright, hang on!”

Adjusting his heading one last time, Ly loops around into a course that lines up with your target and the dragon’s final destination: that huge-ass bonfire in the center of campus! Straightening his tail, Ly looks your way and nods his massive head!

“Get ready ta’ jump, cupcake! No second chances!”

He doesn’t have to tell you twice! Taking a deep breath, you swiftly plot out your route from the tail to the roof. After all, Parkour is about finding the-

“Da’ quickest an’ fastest route, I KNOW.” Ly groans. “Here goes!”

As the dragon begins its final descent towards the raging inferno, you launch forward like a pinball! Finding footholds on each vertebrae, panic rushes through your head as you realize that you’re still not fast enough! Charging down the tail, you’re only half-way to the end before the DORM BUILDING passes at your side! Damn you, Ly!

Before your skeleton can pin this crap on you somehow, you take a leap of faith and dive towards the nearest boarded-up window! Extending your BONE CLAWS mid-jump, you clench your teeth as the momentum from the dragon sends you rocketing through the barricade! Your claws tear through the obstruction like tissue paper, showering you with glass and wood splinters as you land in a heap on a pile of groovy-looking pillows!

Just when you’re about to catch your breath, Ly’s ghostly form rockets towards you with a frantic look on its face! “It’s about ta’ hit!”

Before you can remember what he’s talking about, your answer comes in the form of an ear-popping CRASH outside that shakes the entire building! Shielding your face from a trio of falling paper lanterns, your eyes go wide as the view outside is bathed in a bright orange flash and an anguished bellow! Scampering to the window, you peer down at the mayhem and grin--the bonfire in the QUAD is now a full-blown WILDFIRE thanks to the ample amount of kindling you just fed it! BITCHIN’!

You’re about to give Ly’s ASTRAL PROJECTION a high-five when you hear the telltale sound of HEAVY FOOTSTEPS approaching from the hall!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4937955
Panicking, you glance around the room to take stock of your cramped surroundings! Flanking the door to the hallway are a DESK on one side, a BUNKBED on the other, the latter having just enough room to squeeze under along with an uncomfortable-looking OFFICE CHAIR.

Looking behind you towards the window, you see another DESK AND CHAIR COMBO at the base of the BUNKBED along with a MINIFRIDGE which, despite your petite form, might not be easy to squeeze into. Across the room sits a DESK situated below a BED for MAXIMUM SPACE EFFICIENCY! Separating that and the DESK next to the door is a WARDROBE JUST BIG ENOUGH TO HOP INTO! SCORE!

“Dis’ is what a dorm room’s like, huh?” Ly remarks as he takes in the sights with you. “Looks like a glorified sardine can.”

You nod--Do they really expect you to share this space with two other people?! Maybe it’s a good thing you didn’t go to college, huh?

Before Ly can answer, your conversation is cut short by the sound of boots growing closer outside! Oh, right…

“What’s da’ plan?” Ly asks eagerly. “There’s no way those boneheads outside missed our grand entrance…”

What indeed? Do you wanna stick around for whoever’s approaching the room?
>HIDE! IF THEY DON’T LEAVE YOU’LL AT LEAST BE ABLE TO AMBUSH ‘EM!
>HOP OUT THE WINDOW! YOU CAN TRY TO GET IN SOMEWHERE ELSE!
>WAIT IN THE ROOM AND CRY! IT’S GONNA WORK THIS TIME, I PROMISE!
>SCREW WAITING, JUST DART INTO THE HALL AND RUN!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4937958
>HIDE! IF THEY DON’T LEAVE YOU’LL AT LEAST BE ABLE TO AMBUSH ‘EM!
Hell yeah! Hiding in wardrobes is COOL!
>>
>>4937958
>>HIDE! IF THEY DON’T LEAVE YOU’LL AT LEAST BE ABLE TO AMBUSH ‘EM!
>>
>>4937958
>HIDE! IF THEY DON’T LEAVE YOU’LL AT LEAST BE ABLE TO AMBUSH ‘EM!
>>
>>4937958
>HIDE! IF THEY DON’T LEAVE YOU’LL AT LEAST BE ABLE TO AMBUSH ‘EM!
>>
>>4937972
>>4937977
>>4937984
>>4938011
>DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HIDE!

Sneaky Stan at it again! You know the drill by now...

ROLL ME 1d100 TO HIDE! I'LL GIVE A BONEUS TO CREATIVE HIDING SPOT IDEAS AND WILL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS! GOOD LUCK!
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>4938027

Let's get in the wardrobe but be ready to fling the heaviest textbook at whoever opens the wardrobe. If it's a student and they open the wardrobe, we can scare the shit out of them with our BONE CLAWS or something.
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>4938027
hide in the wardrobe but in one of the bottom compartments, nobody suspects those.
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>4938027
>>
>>4938033
>>4938037
>>4938069
>HIGHEST ROLL: 92

>hide in the wardrobe but in one of the bottom compartments, nobody suspects those.

I fucking love you guys, you know that? Writing!
>>
Your brain goes into OVERDRIVE as you scamper over to the WARDROBE in the center of the cel-er, dorm room! Opening it as quietly as you can, your thought process is interrupted by an annoyed sigh from Ly. Oh boy, what is it now?

“Da’ WARDROBE? You kiddin’ me? We might as well hide under da’ rug-”

wE MIghT erzWeR HERd UnnER DUh RUUG! You snap! Listen, jerk, when life gives you lemons, you HIDE in them! You don’t get to choose the fruit! Besides, you continue, if there’s one thing you’ve learned playing that survival horror game STAB, it’s that the bad guys never check the wardrobes! Never!

“If I recall correctly, cupcake, you barely even played dat’ game.” Ly retorts as you push some jackets aside. Okay, so you watched it, you groan! Does he remember the wardrobes or not?!

“Not really, ta’ be honest.” Ly admits, averting his eyes from your glare. “I tend ta’ block out da’ stuff you do on dat’ computer… Da’ stuff I’ve seen…”

Cool, changing topics now! Point is, you continue, you’ve got a plan! Before he can ask what it is, you answer your skeleton by pulling out the BOTTOM DRAWER and crawling into it! Shooting Ly a smug grin, the apparition examines your form and nods in admiration.

“I take it back. You’re a genius.”

Genius like a FOX! You snicker!

The two of you chuckle knowingly for a few moments as the FOOTSTEPS grow unnervingly close! Glancing uncomfortably at the door, Ly raises a nonexistent eyebrow your way before breaking the silence.

“Er… You gonna close dat’ drawer, or?”

DAMN! Sticking your tongue out in concentration, you hastily rock back and forth and grip the underside of the wardrobe to close your drawer! Scrunched up in the dark like a lost sock, you hold your breath as the door to the room bursts open! Two sets of boots file in and idle near the entryway.

“Aw for the love of…” Groans the voice of a male much older than you. “Esteban, you bring your hammer?”

The sound of metal rattling on a toolbelt gives you and the voice the answer they need. “Good--let’s get that window boarded up quick--watch the corners, though!”

“You worry too much, man.” The second voice, Esteban you assume, approaches your point of entry. Staying silent, you hear the sound of wood being picked off of the ground.

“Shit, you don’t think any of ‘em got in, do ya?”

The older voice responds with a noncommittal sigh. “Doesn’t matter what I think--I’m calling it in.”

>CONTD.
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>>4938155
Well that’s just great, you think to yourself. These guys are gonna be in here for a WHILE!

“For what it’s worth, cupcake,” Ly hisses, floating outside your drawer, “these guys are HUMAN. Looks like a RENT-A-COP AN’ A STUDENT!

Good to know, but what should YOU do?
>POP OUT AND GREET ‘EM! THEY’RE PROBABLY FRIENDLY!
>STAY QUIET. YOU CAN WAIT UNTIL THEY’RE DONE!
>TALK TO THEM! MAYBE THEY’LL THINK YOU’RE A GHOST OR SOMETHING!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4938157
>>STAY QUIET. YOU CAN WAIT UNTIL THEY’RE DONE!
Betray our amazing hiding place and also startle the quite possibly armed people who are on high-alert? Lets wait a minute and try and make our first impression a bit better
>>
>>4938157

>STAY QUIET. YOU CAN WAIT UNTIL THEY’RE DONE!

Option one is so Stan that I'd do it in a heartbeat, but I'd hate to end the quest prematurely.
>>
>>4938157
>STAY QUIET. YOU CAN WAIT UNTIL THEY’RE DONE!
>>
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>>4938159
>>4938162
>>4938179
>STAY QUIET!

Writing!

>>4938159
>>4938162
Pic Related if you chose 1 lol
>>
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In light of Ly’s new information, you almost ask him if your new pals are armed or not. Luckily a few old wires in your brain touch for a brief moment and remind you that no, that’s not a very good idea.

So you wait! Remaining motionless while the two begin their respective tasks, it dawns upon you just how comfy you are right now! Hell, if your legs weren’t falling asleep you’d almost want to replace your bed back at your apartment!

A frown forms on your face. No… You like to spread out.

“Arnold, you read?” Your train of thought is swiftly derailed by the sound of a conversation starting, most likely over a RADIO. As if that wasn’t enough, that Esteban guy seems to be pounding some NAILS in near the WINDOW.

“I’m here.” Replies the static-filled voice of another older man. “How are we doin’?”

“We’ve got a breached window,” answers the man standing closest to your hiding spot, “but no sign of any unwelcome guests.

Shit.” Spits the voice over the radio. “Alright, we’ll do a sweep. You guys repai-”

“Yep.” Interrupts OLDER MAN THE FIRST. “Es’ is patchin’ it up as we speak. We’ll check the rest of the floor once he’s done.”

“Which shouldn’t take much longer…” Grunts the guy by the window between hammer swings.

“Loud and clear, Marty.” Replies the radio. “Stay on your toes up there--if even an arm creeps in there somehow-”

“We’ll take care of it.” Says Marty in a confident tone. “Over an’ out.”

Hearing the man stow his radio, you remain silent as he quietly approaches the window. “Need any help?”

“I got this, Mart.” Replies the hammerer. “Just uh, you mind keepin’ an’ eye on the door?”

“No problem.”

Several hammer whacks later, your patience pays off as the two pairs of boots head towards the entryway.

“That’s one down…” Sighs the voice belonging to ‘Esteban’. “You think there’s something in here?”

“Bet my life on it.” Replies Marty, idling in the doorway. “What causes a dragon to crash into the QUAD, huh? Sure as hell wasn’t ’suicidal thoughts’.”

“In that case,” Esteban chuckles nervously, “how about you take the lead, pops?”

“Told ya not to call me that.” Pops replies. “Let’s get a move on, then…”

Looks like they’re leaving! What’s the game plan?
>STAY QUIET! MAKE SURE THEY’RE 110% OUTTA HERE!
>CRY AND PRETEND YOU WERE TRAPPED IN THE DRAWER! FOOLPROOF!
>JUST TALK TO THEM, DAMN IT.
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4938253
>STAY QUIET! MAKE SURE THEY’RE 110% OUTTA HERE!
We gotta show em how shoddy their defenses are against potential infiltrators by making it all the way to their leader. Thats what you would do in a video game, right?
>>
>>4938253
>>STAY QUIET! MAKE SURE THEY’RE 110% OUTTA HERE!
>>
>>4938253
>STAY QUIET! MAKE SURE THEY’RE 110% OUTTA HERE!
>>
>>4938259
>>4938276
>>4938295
>NOPE, STILL GONNA BE QUIET!

Gee, guess I can't fool you guys. Writing!
>>
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Waiting patiently in your hiding spot, you remain frozen even when you hear the door close and the boot steps fade into the distance. And then you wait some more!

“Er…” Ly mutters, “Y-ya didn’t suffocate in there, did ya?”

No, you mumble, you just wanted to be sure that those guys were SPLITZVILLE before you emerged! Your skeleton lets out a knowing ‘ah’ as you begin the slow process of extracting yourself from your safe haven.

“They looked pretty human ta’ me.” Ly remarks, glancing in the direction they departed. “ Normal, really.”

See, those are the ones you need to be careful of! You explain, taking a deep breath of fresh dorm air! The ones that look normal!

“Guess dat’ excludes you.” Ly retorts, giving you a playful grin. Listen, creep, you fire back as you sit up, you wear your heart on your shoulder! Everyone knows where they stand with you!

“Riiight.” Ly nods. “So now dat’ we’ve eluded those two, what’s next?”

What’s next is yAHHSHIT!

Your attempt to stand up is foiled by your STILL-ASLEEP LEGS! Tumbling onto the carpeted floor, you spit a chunk of lint out of your mouth and growl--tastes like stale beer!

“Yea, don’t put yer’ mouth on dat’.” Ly recommends as he peeks through the door with his noncorporeal skull. “Looks like da’ coast is clear, cupcake. Clear for… Whatever you’re plannin’.”

You respond with a low chuckle. Oh, you’ve got a plan, alright! And what a plan it is… Intrigued, Ly cocks his head your way.

“Color me interested. Whatcha’ got?”

What indeed?
>CALL THE GANG! THEY NEED TO KNOW THE SITCH!
>SEARCH THE ROOM! MAYBE THERE’S SOMETHING IN HERE!
>HEAD FOR THE HALLWAY!
>BREAK THE BOARDS ON THE WINDOW AGAIN! THAT’LL LEARN ‘EM!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
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>>4938352
>CALL THE GANG! THEY NEED TO KNOW THE SITCH!
>>
>>4938352
>>CALL THE GANG! THEY NEED TO KNOW THE SITCH!
>>
>>4938352
>CALL THE GANG! THEY NEED TO KNOW THE SITCH!

Inform the trio that there are indeed survivors
>>
>>4938356
>>4938364
>>4938367
>HARANGUE THE GANG!

Writing!
>>
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First thing’s first, you explain, you’ve gotta let THE CLEARWATER SANITATION COORDINATORS where you are! Ly follows you with his vacant eye sockets as you stretch your legs a bit.

“Oh yea, forgot we was called dat’! Good call, too--they might already be on campus!”

Exactly why you’re calling them, DOI! Rolling your eyes, you stumble over to the dorm’s peephole and check outside before whipping your RADIO out. Depressing the transmit button, you probe the line for Mitzi or someone who isn’t Denise!

I-I’m here! … Oh.

Yea, that’s right… She’d better have grabbed those FLESH-EATING CHEMICALS!

W-wo-working on it!” She stammers. Just when you think you can’t get any more STEAMED, Mitzi’s cool-as-a-cucumber voice saves the day!

“Yo, boss.”

HURRAY! What’s their status? The Rent-A-Cop answers with a few bursts from her SMG before answering. “Sorry about that. We reached the ADMINISTRATION BUILDING near the base of campus. Had a bit of resistance, but that’s not the annoying part…”

Mitzi pauses again at the sound of a pirate’s throaty laughter! His mood is swiftly ruined, however, by the whoosh of some sort of magic. Hi, Syb!

“Hey Stan!”

“The annoying part is the BARRICADES. AND these damn TREES!” Mitzi continues. “The whole campus is one big obstacle course--looks like you and Ly had the right idea with that dragon…”

The mention of the word ’dragon’ prompts some excited mumbling out of the radio’s range.

“Yea, I’ll tell her! Eddie says that you looked, and I quote, ‘Wicked Awesome.’ That fire seems to be distracting a lot of the boneheads, too.”

Just as planned, you smirk! Speaking of Eddie, you’ve got good news for those three!

“Tell ‘em yourself, then! One sec!” The radio goes silent for a moment, then sputters to life with Tucker’s familiar voice!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4938439
“Stan!” Tucker gushes, “Did you find anyone up there?!”

Take it easy! Leaning against the door you nod in response--yea, seems like there are people in the DORM BUILDING. You’re holed up in there now, as a matter of fact!

“That’s a relief! It was hard enough fleeing before…” The line goes quiet as the ex-looter pauses mid-sentence. “A-anyways, how many people are there? Do they need help? Do they have a plan-”

Take a breather, tiger! You haven’t made contact with ‘em yet!

“Wha? W-why not?” Ignoring the incredulous and frankly RUDE tone in Tucker’s voice, you politely explain to him that you haven’t gotten around to it yet! They seemed jumpy!

“Look, those guys have been through a lot.” He explains in a more serious tone than usual. “Let me know if you need me to talk to anyone, okay? If anyone’s going to know what those skeletons have planned, it’s them. Let’s be friendly.”

You respond with a frown. When are you ever NOT friendly?

“You’re always friendly, Stan.” Tucker replies earnestly. “We’re checking out ADMIN for now, but if those guys know a safer way to the DORMS, let us know and we’ll meet up!”

You respond with a curt ‘gotcha.

“Good. Anything else?”

Is there?

>NOPE! TALK SOON!
>ANYONE IN PARTICULAR TO LOOK OUT FOR?
>WHICH DORM WAS YOURS?
>WHAT ARE SOME OF THE PLACES NEARBY?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4938441

>NOPE! TALK SOON!

As always, we ride by the seat of our pants.
>>
>>4938441
>ANYONE IN PARTICULAR TO LOOK OUT FOR?
>>
>>4938559

Changing to this for the sake of advancing plot
>>
>>4938441
>ANYONE IN PARTICULAR TO LOOK OUT FOR?
We haerd a Marty and an Esteban, those names mean anything to them?
>>
>>4938559
>>4938563
>>4938610
>ANYONE TO LOOK OUT FOR?
Writing!
>>
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Yea, actually! Flopping onto the bottom bunk near the door, you get comfy before continuing your line of questioning. The guys you ran into were named ESTEBAN and MARTY-- does Tucker or anyone know ‘em? You get an answer a few moments later.

“No clue who MARTY is, but ESTEBAN…” Tucker pauses. “Pretty sure I’ve seen him at the gym a few times--I think he’s a PHYS ED MAJOR or something.”

You nod. Physics, huh? Sounds like a huge dork.

“N-no, Stan--he wants to become a P.E TEACHER.. Physical Education.

You blink. Why on Earth would anyone want to do that?

“Beats me, but he’s a pretty nice guy--spotted me once or twice and gave me a few tips. He uh… He probably won’t remember me, though.”

In that case, you groan, is there anyone you SHOULD look out for? Tucker responds with a conflicted grunt.

“Erm… Hard to say--when we left the hierarchy was changing a lot...” The student mutters. “There was an ENGINEERING PROFESSOR who had a few ideas, but I can’t remember his name…”

Wow, you gasp, GREAT LEADS! Before you can tease him further, Tucker’s voice becomes hushed.

“Sorry, had to distract Eddie. We’re in close quarters so let me be quick--if you find a girl named LEAH WAGNER, do NOT tell her Ed’s still alive, okay?!”

The sudden change of tone throws you for a loop. Wh-why?!

“Long story.” Tucker hisses. “Short version: She’s a friend of Eddie. One which we’re pretty sure uh… Didn’t make it. No clue if you’ll find her or not, but if you do, well… Give us time to do damage control.”

Oooookay then, you reply, sharing a confused look with Ly’s ASTRAL PROJECTION. Any other potential timebombs to look out for?

“Good question.” Tucker sighs in a far more relaxed tone. “Kiki and I were pretty much loners… If you see anyone from the FILM DEPARTMENT though…”

You’ll uh… You’ll keep an eye out, you nod. Just when you’re about to move on, you hear a scuffle on the other side of the line! “STAN!”

Eddie.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4938660
“Hey!” Your ears sting at the volume of the film student’s energetic voice. “You doin’ okay?”

You’re doin’. What’s he up to?

“Oh man! Well it wasn’t anywhere near as cool as that dragon stunt you pulled, AWESOME, by the way, but I totally just dueled a skeleton with a PIRATE SWORD! You’re gonna love it when you see it!”

Oh shit, you blink, he’s RIGHT. You’ve gotta see that! Eddie chuckles on the other line.

“Yea, well… Maybe when you and Tuck are done flirting we can meet up, yea? Just let us know!”

You respond with a scoff. FLIRTING?!

“Just a joke, just a joke!” Eddie laughs. “Seriously though, between you an’ me? Tuck’s a MAGNET. Wasted on the guy, though--if I was still counting how many girls he’s shot down…”

You don’t say...

“Hey, that reminds me: Art mentioned a girl he used to hang out with when we were back at THE LODGE… Said her name was SUMMER or something! So uh...”

Eddie, you sigh, why are you sharing all of this? The student’s voice catches on the other end.

“W-well, you just seem trustworthy, you know? A-and you were asking for people to look for, so… Yea! Anyways, Mitz looks like she wants to try the sword out, so… Talk later, okay?”

Yea, you chuckle, take care, Ed.

“Always do! Holler if you need anything!”

And just like that the line goes dead.

That’s when the walls start shaking.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4938664
Accompanied by an ear-popping ‘BOOM’, the quake sends you rolling off of the bed and back onto the booze-encrusted carpet! Recoiling in disgust, you scamper to your feet and try to locate the source of the blast, but come up short.

“Lemme try!” Ly barks, sinking through the floor. A few minutes later resurfaces with a grave look on his bony face!

Planting your hands on your hips and tapping your foot impatiently, you await a report! WELL!?

“It ain’t good, cupcake.” Ly sighs, shaking his head. “No clue what it was, but somethin’ just blew a hole in da’ bottom floor near da’ COMMON ROOM. Looks like things are gonna get a little dicey.”

He can say that again! Slamming your head against the wall in frustration, you contemplate your options. You can’t just sit around, after all!

“Shame we didn’t chat up those guys before.” Ly mutters under his breath. “Might not get da’ chance now…”

You respond with a sly grin. Is he so sure about that? The way you see it, this might be the best turn of events! Your skeleton stares at you like you just ate a live bat.

“You’re uh… You mind explainin’ dat’ in ’Rational Folk’ talk?”

Sending Ly one of your patented eye rolls, you take a deep breath and try again: what have you been doing for the last few days?

“Makin’ poor decisions?”

Yes, you nod, but also fighting SKELETONS! Question two: what do you call someone who swoops in at the last minute and saves the day?

“...A hero?” Ly answers, crossing his ghastly arms. Precisely, you giggle! So what happens right now if you head down there and crack some skulls? Looking at your skeleton’s ASTRAL PROJECTION expectantly, your grin widens as realization blooms on his face!

“Sometimes I can’t tell if you plan dis’ crap or not.” Ly chuckles. “No wonder you were so darn good at Chess!”

You’re a lady of talents! Speaking of, what’s the best way to use said talents right now?

>SEARCH THE ROOM!
>TAKE A SHORTCUT TO THE HOLE VIA THE WINDOW!
>HIT THE HALLS!
>WRITE-IN
>>
And that's where I'm calling it tonight, all. Should be ready for more FRIDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST! Thanks again for playing and hope to see you then!
>>
>>4938666
>TAKE A SHORTCUT TO THE HOLE VIA THE WINDOW!
Time to come in like a bone-themed superhero
>>
>>4938666
>TAKE A SHORTCUT TO THE HOLE VIA THE WINDOW!

>>4938667
Thanks for running my guy!
>>
>>4938666
>>TAKE A SHORTCUT TO THE HOLE VIA THE WINDOW!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T12ygsp9Mvg
>>
>>4938666
HIT THE HALLS!

Going through the window might be cooler, but removing the barricade and not mentioning it will lead to skeletons comin in somehow.
>>
>>4938674
>>4938687
>>4938721
>TO THE WINDOWWWWW

>>4938813
>TO THE HALL

Looks like we're going the Spider-Man route here. You know the drilllllll:

ROLL 1d100+10 TO AMBUSH THE BONEHEADS BELOW! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS! AS USUAL, CREATIVE ATTACKS CAN ONLY HELP YOUR CHANCES--YOU'RE ABOUT 4 STORIES UP, BTW HAVE FUN
>>
Rolled 9 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4939278
Since we're going all dynamic entry might as well use some boneuses. Use our claws to make sure we don't fall, and armor if there is glass in the window. Either way try to enter high enough that we can reach and claw the ceiling and then kick the nearest bonehead with our emu legs
>>
>>4939294
Please, someone roll higher than a nine
>>
Rolled 15 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4939278
throw a grenade into a crowd of them. Then jump down and crush any survivors with our bone armor.
>>
Rolled 92 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4939278
Well lets praaaaaay
>>
>>4939294
>>4939324
>>4939325
>HIGHEST ROLL: 102!

That's certainly higher than a 9! Some of you guys had a few different plans of attack so I'll try to mix-and-match 'em into one. Writing!
>>
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Creeping over to the recently-barricaded window, you peek through the 2x4s at the growing carnage below. Amidst a chorus of malicious cackles and ‘YARRRR’s, hordes of bandana and tricorn hat-wearing skeletons rush through the new ground-level entrance like shoppers on Black Friday!

“Cripes!” Ly curses. “How da’ heck are we gonna get down there in time!?”

A devious grin forms on your face as you stealthily retrieve your last GRENADE from your pocket. Chopping through the new barricade with your BONE CLAWS, you step onto the windowsill and narrow your eyes at the bony masses below! You’ll improvise, of course!

“Just watch where ya’ toss dat’ thing.” Ly warns. “You remember last time…”

Before you can reply, a skeletal finger juts out from the crowd in your direction!

“‘TIS HER!” Shouts a grizzled voice! “SHE BE CLUMB OUT THAR WINDO-”

Yanking the pin out of your new toy, you rudely cut off the pirate’s commentary by dropping the explosive into the horde.

“BRING A SPRING ‘PON ‘ER! IT BE A POWDER BO-”

A smaller, albeit still effective explosion rips through the skeletons below as you hop from the window! Digging a BONE CLAW into the wall, you swiftly slide down the side of the dorm amidst a shower of bone and powder!

As you approach the ground, the pirates not torn apart by the blast turn their FLINTLOCK PISTOLS and CUTLASSES your way! Ducking the first salvo of musketballs, you flick the ‘switch’ in your tooth that activates your BONE ARMOR and leap into the crowd like a meteor!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4939530
https://youtu.be/DapHab7qtac

Crushing a few corsairs under your armored feet, you spin with your claws extended like a whirling dervish to clear your landing zone! A few unlucky pirates get caught almost immediately and splatter your exoskeleton with glowing marrow, but the ones that aren’t caught spring into action immediately!

Wiping the marrow from your viewports, you frown as the skeletons surrounding you advance with their swords drawn. Stabbing at the nearest offender with your BONE CLAWS, you blink in surprise as you blades DEFLECT off of your target’s chest!

“AAAAARRRR HAR HAR HAAAAR!” Cackles the pirate as he pulls open his long coat! Instinctively averting your eyes (you’ve learned your lesson from all the creeps you’ve met at the bus stop), you cautiously look back as your face is bathed in a GOLDEN GLOW!

FORTUNE FAVORS THE BOLD!” He chuckles, revealing a ribcage almost completely encased in HARDENED GOLD AND GEMS!

“How da’ heck does dat’ block our claws!?” Ly whines incredulously! Feeling a musket ball ping off of your shoulder, you groan--it’s GOLD, idiot! Everyone knows that’s the most powerful metal!

Maintaining a fighting stance, you growl as the path into the DORM BUILDING is cut off by more GOLD-CLAD PIRATES! You’ve gotta help the people in there, but these guys aren’t letting you through without a fight!

What’s the plan here?
>YOU’VE GOT ARMOR FOR NOW--CUT A PATH THROUGH WITH BONE CLAWS!
>LET’S SEE HOW THAT TREASURE PROTECTS AGAINST BUCKSHOT!
>LOOK FOR SOMETHING NEARBY TO EVEN THE ODDS A BIT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4939531
>LET’S SEE HOW THAT TREASURE PROTECTS AGAINST BUCKSHOT!
They've Blinged themselves out! However there is something thats still even more cool than gold. CHROME!! And uhh, lead I guess.
>>
>>4939531
>>LET’S SEE HOW THAT TREASURE PROTECTS AGAINST BUCKSHOT!
>>
>>4939536
>>4939552
>THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK!

Time to shiver some timbers! ROLL 1d100+5 THANKS TO YOUR CLOSE QUARTERS TO CARVE A PATH!
I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS! AS PER USUAL, WRITE IN STRATS IF YOU'RE THE CREATIVE TYPE, OTHERWISE I'M GONNA IMPROVISE AND YOU DON'T WANT THAT!
>>
Rolled 1 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4939635

Point and shoot!
>>
>>4939638
This has gotta be a record at this point. Anywho, looks like we've still got TWO chances to roll a 100! Good luck!
>>
Rolled 38 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4939635
I got this, right?????
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>4939635
1/100 is basically the same as 100/100
>>
>>4939638
>>4939655
>>4939668
>OH SHIT, CRIT 1!

>>4939668
Bones Quest is a tale of HOPE and DREAMS, anon! All you guys have to do is believe! Believe and clap very, VERY hard!

Anywho, time to pick a new protagonist! We settled on Boris, right? Writing!
>>
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The air fills with the smell of gunpowder as more musket balls ricochet off of your armor! Powering through the growing pain in your teeth, you glance around the crowd of skeletal swashbucklers advancing towards you with swords drawn!

“Ngh..” Ly grunts, “Dis’ armor’s pretty tough, cupcake, but I dunno how much longer we can hold it together…”

Thanks for the update, Captain Obvious! Not keen on sticking around and getting shot, your hand subconsciously reaches into your pockets for an elegant solution!

“Er…” Ly mutters as you fish for something useful, “How exactly are ya’ reachin’ into your poc-”

Don’t question it, you snap! Parrying a cutlass with your free hand’s BONE CLAW, your eyes light up with glee as your other hand closes around a familiar wooden stock! Yanking your favorite negotiator out of your pocket, you level your CHINCHILL PUMP ACTION at the crowd!

“ARRR!” Snarls one of the pirates, “‘IT BE A BLUNDERBUSS!”

The skeleton next to him bonks him on the head with the pommel of his sword. “‘TIS A SCATTERGUN, YA BILGERAT!”

This, you chuckle, is your PROBLEM-SOLVER! Scanning the crowd’s panicked faces, it’s clear to you that they’d like a demonstration! The sound of thunder rips through the campus as your weapon reduces a trio of skulls to dust! Satisfied, you let loose a malevolent chuckle into the air as you twirl the weapon in your armored hands! Did they want anot-

And that’s when it happens. Maybe it was because your fingers were thicker from the armor, maybe you just needed to practice twirling guns more. Whatever the cause, the effect is obvious: time itself slows down as you and the skeletons watch your FAVORITE GUN fly into the air behind you and disappear into the crowd!

Gulping with embarrassment, you glance back at the now-incensed buccaneers before you. Er… Oops?

Seeing their chance, the skeletons charge at you!

ROLL 1d100-5 TO WEATHER THE STORM AND FIGHT THEM OFF! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS! DON’T FORGET TO WRITE THOSE CLEVER IDEAS TO AVOID CERTAIN DEATH!
>>
Rolled 70 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>4939755
Let us unleash our mighty feral muskrat style Kung-Fu upon these fools. Also we have emu legs, lets jump outta the middle of this fustercluck. We also still have smoke grenades as well I think. Might not be a bad idea to unleash the laser eye into that crowd as we leap, and maybe toss some smoke in as well on our way out.
>>
Rolled 44 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>4939755
>>
Rolled 58 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>4939780
supporting this
>>
>>4939780
>>4939786
>>4939813
>HIGHEST ROLL: 65!

Writing!
>>
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That may have been your FAVORITE GUN, but that doesn’t mean you’re defenseless! Hell, that might have just made you more dangerous, now that you think about it! That pisses you off!

Though still weighed down by your BONE ARMOR, you manage to leap out of immediate danger towards the hole in the DORM BUILDING. Growling in frustration, the pirate horde lets loose with musket balls, hatchets, and bits of concrete, but none of them hit their mark!

You, however, have no such problems! Even better, you’re pretty sure you won’t be able to lose track of your LASER EYE! Drawing a bead on the pirate who laughed the MOST when you lost your gun, you allow yourself a short round of evil laughter before engulfing the crowd in white-hot DEATH!

Your laser cuts a massive swath through the crowd as you land in front of the hole leading into the dorms. As the smoke clears, you’re treated to a mosaic of charred bones and melted gold running into the cracks between the bricks and cement.

Seeing the state of their comrades, the remaining pirates keep their distance as they figure out what to do with you. Planting your hands on your hips, you address the crowd with a cocky laugh--see?! You didn’t even need that shotgun!

“Hate ta’ burst your bubble, cupcake,” Ly interrupts, bursting your bubble, “But are we plannin’ on takin’ all of dese’ guys on?”

You roll your eyes. Hasn’t he been reading?! You’re trying to stop the SKELETON APOCALYPSE, remember?!

“I mean,” Ly groans, “what about da’ students? A lot of these guys got into da’ buildin’...”

True. Despite your best efforts, there’s still about a concert’s-worth of skeletons out here--not a HUGE concert, of course, but…

… Okay, there’s a lot left. Moreover, your teeth are starting to HURT! This armor of yours might not last much longer… The question is: do you hold out here and let them handle the intruders, or do you regroup with your fellow humans?

>HEAD INSIDE AND FIND SURVIVORS! YOU CAN WORK TOGETHER!
>TAKE CARE OF THE HORDE OUTSIDE!
>FOCUS ON FINDING A WAY TO BLOCK THE HOLE IN THE WALL!
>WRITE-IN

Last update of the night, folks--gonna go out for dinner and see some friends. Should be around again on SATURDAY AT 11-12PM PST! Hope to see you then and Happy Weekend!
>>
>>4939967

>FOCUS ON FINDING A WAY TO BLOCK THE HOLE IN THE WALL!

Leave a peephole large enough for us to fire eye-lasers and fry the skelepirates outside
>>
>>4939967
>FOCUS ON FINDING A WAY TO BLOCK THE HOLE IN THE WALL!
>>
>>4939967
>FOCUS ON FINDING A WAY TO BLOCK THE HOLE IN THE WALL!
How about we use our laser eye to melt a golden plug?
>>
>>4940252
Come on, Stan surely "knows" gold isn't melted that easily
>>
>>4940278
If our eye pierced the golden armor, it can melt it. Surely even Stan gets that.
>>
>>4940278
>>4940281

Last post says: "As the smoke clears, you’re treated to a mosaic of charred bones and melted gold running into the cracks between the bricks and cement.", so she'd know it's meltable

That being said, I like this idea >>4940252
>>
>>4939979
>>4940202
>>4940252
>>4940625
>BLOCK THE ENTRANCE!

I'm always delighted to see Stan's complete and utter stupidity discussed. Writing!
>>
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You lose count around ten skeletons before deciding to make a tactical retreat through the hole in the building.

“Good call.” Ly says with praise. “No sense in dyin’ out there just ta’ prove a point!”

The hell’s he talking about? You could totally take those guys… If you felt like it! Besides, this armor of yours is starting to get stuffy anyways! Ducking another hail of bullets, you turn to face the hole you escaped through and frown--the pirates you so generously spared are following you!

“If only we could block dat’ gap somehow…” Ly muses as you throw a chunk of concrete at the encroaching skeletons! “You don’t happen ta’ have any QUICK-DRYIN’ CEMENT in those massive pockets of yours, do ya?”

Not that you’re aware of, no, but you’ll keep an eye out after this! As the pirates clamber through the wall, the midday light reflecting off of their gold bits and pieces gives you an idea--of COURSE!

“Wha? What did I miss?”

Just watch and learn, Ly! Extending your BONE CLAWS, you send the encroaching horde a ‘Bring it On’ gesture and adopt a fighting stance.

“I thought we weren’t gonna keep fightin’!” Ly groans! Patience is a virtue, man!

Just as you expected, the skeletons take their sweet time climbing through the gap in the wall, pausing to shake and brandish their cutlasses, spears, hatchets, and hooks menacingly. One pirate even enters with a BONE PARROT!

“SQUAAAAWWK! It’s a livin’!”

Yea well… Soon it’ll be… A dyin’! Cracking your neck, you wait intil a few more pirates squeeze in before giving the crowd a toothy grin! SHOWTIME!

To their credit, some of the pirates rush you when they see your eye grow bright. Others, no doubt the smarter of the bunch, try to retreat through the hole in the wall. They fail, of course--their route is blocked by more pirates eager to play jump rope with your insides. Dispatching your attackers with your BONE CLAWS, you light the corsair crowd up with your LASER EYE, making sure to focus specifically on the more blinged-out individuals!

Though your eye burns and pain pulses through your armored body, you keep firing until the gap slowly becomes filled with a mortar mix of bone, gold, and gems! Making sure even the tiniest cracks are caked with melted pirate, the pain from your armor finally becomes intolerable and sends you collapsing to the floor!

You lie there for a while and let the cool air inside the building blow against your aching, sweaty body. The remaining pirates outside thump in protest against the newer, glitzier wall you put up, but it’s no use--the hole is sealed.

“Not bad, cupcake.” Ly remarks, earning a grin from you. He’s got that right!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4940945
“Dat’ said,” Ly continues with sympathy in his voice, “We uh… We’ gotta’ get up, Stan. Gotta track down those SURVIVORS.

Fighting against your protesting body, you stagger upright on shaky legs and find a nearby wall to lean on until you regain your equilibrium. You’re gonna have to get used to that armor, that’s for damn sure!

“Can’t deny how handy it was, though!” Ly adds, taking the opportunity to flit around the room in his ASTRAL FORM. “Bet dis’ place musta’ been somethin’ before all da’ skeletons showed up…”

Surveying your surroundings, you let out a low whistle--he ain’t wrong! Though most of its elements sit hastily stacked against windows and doors, it isn’t hard to imagine what the dorm’s common area used to look like.

Drag-marks in the carpet leading to a stack of couches blocking the main entrance tell you this used to be a place to stretch out, no doubt to get a nap or two in before heading to the next class. Two vendor’s carts sit pressed against some larger boarded up windows to the West, one emblazoned with a stylized drawing of a coffee cup, the other covered in anthropomorphic fruit cartoons.

“Fruit cart.” Ly remarks, prompting you to nod in assent.

On the other side of the room lie several soda and snack machines, their contents already shamelessly pilfered. You can’t help but frown at that--you could really use a soda right about now after all of that scrappin’!

Wires poking out of the walls help you track down a few flat screen TVs pressed up against the windows along with several wooden tables, most of which lie stacked in the midpoint of the massive staircase leading to what you assume to be the actual dorm rooms.

The whole scene is tied together by several banners hanging from the walls: some celebrating the victory of the college’s debate team, others marking the victory of one of their many sports teams. The banner hanging over the stairs, however, is emblazoned with the university’s initials: CU. Feeling the pain in your body return to an acceptable level, you push off of the wall and sigh--this coulda’ been YOUR DORM, dang it!

“Yep.” Ly nods. “Think of all da’ stuff you could learn…”

Yea, you agree in a wistful tone. Think of all the parties... the hot students… the parties...

“Err, yea, those too.” Ly grunts. “Speakin’ of students…”

Right, those guys. Taking a moment to quickly massage your neck, you head in the direction of the doors flanking the stairs.

>CONTD.
>>
>>4940948
As you expected, a bank of elevator doors sit next to the barricaded stairs. Tapping the call button, you tap your foot impatiently as you await your ride. When nothing arrives, you mash the button a few more times. Broken piece of crap!

“Stan, it’s been like, two seconds.” Ly groans. “Besides, aren’t ya’ supposed ta’ use da’ stairs in an emergency?”

You scoff. Don’t buy into that liberal bullshit, Ly--they just peddle that BS to save money on the electricity bill. Besides, you add after hitting the button again, your feet hurt!

“You’ve gotta stop talkin’ to your uncle…” Ly sighs before poking his head through the doors and into the shaft. “Hm.”

That earns a raised eyebrow. What is it now?

“Da’ elevator is stuck on one level.” He replies as he flits from door to door. “Yep, all of ‘em. Guess they didn’t want anyone usin’ em.”

You respond with a drawn-out groan. Seriously?! Maybe these guys deserve to get de-boned then! Let’s go!

“Come on, cupcake--you wanna be a hero, don’cha?”

You roll your eyes. You GUESS.

“Think of da’ HOT STUDENTS, Stan. Think of all da’ PARTIES you’ll get invited to. Dat’s a lotta’ free drinks…”

Okay, he’s convinced you. Cracking your knuckles, you return to the common room proper and survey your surroundings--how the heck did those pirates head upstairs?

“How indeed.” Ly answers, crossing his ASTRAL ARMS. “If they could figure somethin’ out, though, we totally can.”

Exactly. What’s the course of action?
>CLIMB PAST THE STAIR BARRICADE AND WALK UP!
>FIND A VENT OR SOMETHING!
>CLIMB THE ELEVATOR SHAFT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4940949
>FIND A VENT OR SOMETHING!

The top option is more logical, but, since this is Bones Quest, I am more inclined to go with the more STAN option
>>
>>4940949
>FIND A VENT OR SOMETHING!
Someone said vents? I heard vents. Lets try the Vents
>>
>>4940949
>FIND A VENT OR SOMETHING!
>>
>>4940949
>FIND A VENT OR SOMETHING!
>>
>>4940953
>>4940955
>>4940985
>>4940998
>A SHOCKING TURN OF E'VENTS'!

I knew this would happen eventually... In that case, since this place is a pigsty...

ROLL ME 1d100+5 TO TRACK DOWN A SUITABLE VENT! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 77 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4941028
>>
Rolled 26 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4941028
Quick! Activate Muskrat Mode!
>>
Rolled 60 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4941028
>>
>>4941036
>>4941038
>>4941061
>HIGHEST ROLL: 82!

Awesome! Wasn't sure what the hell I was gonna do if you guys crit-failed finding a vent! Writing!
>>
>>4941070
we get stuck inside the vent, obviously
>>
>>4941077
That's a lot better than what I planned, actually. Good call, anon!
>>
File: roof-vent-before.jpg (93 KB, 640x480)
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Rubbing your chin in contemplation, you set to work surveying the room top to bottom, prompting Ly to watch you uncomfortably.

“Er… Whatcha’ up to there, kiddo?”

Peeking behind a stack of chairs, you grunt a curt response: searching for VENTS!

“Aha. Even though we could just… Ya know… Climb da’ stairs?”

Abandoning the chair pile, you stomp over to the other side of the room ignoring the sound of bony fists pounding the boarded-up windows. Sure, Ly, let’s just waste all of our energy climbing like… EIGHTY flights of stairs! Get real!

Watching you dig behind a toppled vending machine, your skeleton shrugs. “Pretty sure there’s only five floors, Stan. Not includin’ dis’ one…”

You feel the vending machine give a bit as you tug on it. Eighty, five, whatever! This is war, Ly, and you’re gonna have to conserve energy however you can! Seemingly convinced, your skeleton’s ethereal form ascends into the ceiling as you inadvertently zap yourself on some exposed wires! Damn it!

“Got somethin’!” Ly shouts from across the room! Giving the wires one last kick (and earning another shock for your troubles), you follow your skeleton’s voice to a glowing skeleton arm poking out of the ceiling near the elevators. “I see a vent up here--check for an’ entrance nearby!”

Nodding, you snoop around long enough to discover a nondescript grille built into the wall, one just big enough for you to squeeze into! Carving the cover into scrap, you eagerly slither into the inky blackness of the vents and get to crawling!

“Still don’t see how dis’ is any different from climbin’ da’ stairs…” Ly mutters as your path slopes upward. He just doesn’t get it, does he? Besides, you growl, this is much sneakier!

“Let’s just hope everyone’s okay…” Ly sighs.

>CONTD.
>>
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A few dead ends and a particularly territorial rat later, your adVENTure finally bears fruit! Pausing to cough up the dirt and grime you managed to inhale, the familiar grog-soaked growl of a pirate’s voice echoes through the tunnels!

https://youtu.be/wUJ-r6xru18

“I told ye afore--I measured it already!”

“An’ I’m tellin’ ye again--MEASURE IT AGAIN!

Crawling towards the voices as quietly as you can manage, you and Ly listen in on the conversation!

“Naggin’ me like a wife… If ye be so afeared of it, measure it yerself!”

Your trek takes you to a vent overlooking a long hall of doorways, some of which sitting ajar with concerned-looking students being held at swordpoint byFOUR SKELETON PIRATES! In the center of the hall two scurvy-looking sea dogs lean against a trio of RED BARRELS STENCILED WITH SKULLS AND CROSSBONES!

“Ya’ seein’ dis’, cupcake?!” Ly asks in a concerned tone! You nod--that must be where they keep their GROG!

“Try again, sweetheart.” Borrowing your neck and skull, Ly points your eyes at the sizable FUSE split into the three barrels. Must be one of those flaming drinks… As Ly borrows your hand to flick your forehead, the two skeletons at the end of the hall continue their marital quarrel.

“So sure, is ye?! Who died an’ made you His Royal Highness’ Measurer General?

Powder Keg Calloway at yer’ service!” The first pirate snaps back! “An’ I don’t be tellin’ tales when I say CAPPIN’ MENDOZA didn’t hire me for me dancin’ skills!”

“How ‘bout yer thinkin’ skills, then!?” On further inspection, you notice that it’s not the other pirate doing the talking, but his BONE PARROT! “The moment them lubbers above us get wind of our plot, all that heavin’ them kegs up here will be fer’ naught! MEASURE THE FUSE, YOU SQUID!

“Polly wanna smacker, ey?” Calloway barks, prompting a few laughs from the pirates guarding the doors.

“Whatever ye be itchin’ ta’ do, do it quick-like!” Hisses one of the hostage-holders as he idly pokes his blade into a male student’s chest. “This one here be tryin’ ta hex me!”

Z-zenzen... wakaranai…

“Quiet, witch!”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4941150
Surveying the situation from your ventage point, you sigh--this ain’t good! You could try to get them from here, but you’ve played enough video games with red barrels in them! Those two by the keg are ARMED, too--all they’d have to do is pull a trigger…

“We could try ta’ find a closer vent!” Ly hisses, pointing your head further down the tunnel. “Who knows how long they’re gonna argue, though…”

Nodding in agreement, another idea comes to mind: can’t he just POSSESS one of them?

“I uh…” Ly mutters, “I can try. Still pretty wiped from dat’ dragon… An’ if they sense somethin’ fishy…”

Goodbye students. It had to be a hostage situation, didn’t it? Normally you’d have no problem with them blowing everything up, but you doubt you’d escape in time…

Sensing Ly’s disapproval, you roll your eyes. Fiiiiiine, it would also be a bummer if the hostages died! Happy?!

“Not yet.” Ly replies. “Not until we take care of dis’ situation…”

What’s the plan?
>CONTINUE DOWN THE VENT! IT WILL TAKE TIME, BUT YOU MIGHT FIND A BETTER SPOT!
>TRY TO POSSESS SOMEONE! HOPE LY’S NOT TOO TIRED!
>MAKE A DISTRACTION SOMEHOW! THAT SHOULD BUY YOU SOME TIME!
>RUSH THEM! THEY CAN’T KILL THE HOSTAGES AND BLOW THE KEG IF THEY’RE DEAD!
>SNEAK OVER USING YOUR SNEAKY BOX!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4941151
>SNEAK OVER USING YOUR SNEAKY BOX!
Heres my current idea, they are gonna light that fuse and run away. What if we just put the fuse out and then waited in ambush when they come to investigate why the bomb didn't go off?
>>
>>4941153
>>4941151

support
>>
Sorry folks, just finished making dinner and I'm seeing friends tonight--going to keep this decision open until SUNDAY AROUND 11-12PM PST! Thanks again for playing and hope to see you around next time!
>>
>>4941151
I like this plan >>4941153
>>
>>4941151
Supporting >>4941153
>>
>>4941153
>>4941205
>>4941507
>>4941522
>SNEAK!

Here's the story, all: Gonna be visiting family a lot earlier than I thought today, so I might not be able to update again until later today. Should be able to do more once we get home, but yea. Until then, though...

ROLL ME 1d100 TO SNEAK IN THERE! IT AIN'T GONNA BE EASY! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

As per usual, feel free to detail any specific strats you have--looks like
>>4941153 already has a few!
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>4941831
>>4941153

Going with this magnificent plan
>>
Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>4941831
>>4941153's plan works for me
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>4941831
>>
Hey folks, sorry for the lack of updates today--family time went a bit longer than I anticipated. I've got a few errands to run on Monday, but I can definitely write an update after that! If I don't post around the usual time, expect some sweet, sweet words around 2PM PST.

Thanks again for your patience and hope to see you around then!
>>
>>4941840
>>4941927
>>4941952
>HIGHEST ROLL: 39!

We're back and we're writing! Hold onto your hats!
>>
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Ly’s right--time to take care of business!

Retrieving your SNEAKY BOX from your inventory, you set it up as best you can in the cramped vent and sit poised for action as the two pirates monitoring the KEGS continue to argue!

“Hell’s bells, fine!” Growls the parrot. “If’n it be the ILLUSTRIOUS POWDER KEG CALLOWAY on the job then we be in capable hands, aye boys?”

The hostage takers nod their heads in assent along with the hostage spitting hexes. Fishing a match out from under his hat, POWDER KEG CALLOWAY holds it out for everyone to see, prompting a round of devilish laughter from the crowd!

“Misters Scratch, Galloway, Okumbe, Tracy: bring yer’ dance partners over yonder, if ye please. CAPPIN’ ordered ta’ collect more bones, and there ain’t gonna be much left once this keg sends this place to the devil!”

Cackling with malevolent glee, the hostage takers erm… take their hostages over to the far end of the hall, most likely the one with the stairs leading downward. Seeing them in place, POWDER KEG CALLOWAY strikes the match against his jawbone and cackles!

“Ye’d best oil yer’ peglegs, laddies, because once this goes alight we run like men out a lady’s chamber window!”

“Hate ta’ interrupt,” Ly interrupts, clearly not hating it as much as he says, “but uh… What happened ta’ ‘takin’ care of business’?”

Patience is a virtual, Ly, and the simplest plan is usually the best! Once these goofs light the keg, you’ll just put it out! Then you can just jump ‘em when they come back! Easy!

“Risky, but if dis’ POWDER KEG CALLOWAY did his job…” Ly remarks, voice trailing off as the skeleton in question lights the fuse! Just when the pirates are about to run, CALLOWAY’S eye sockets grow wide!

“What!?” Screeches the bone parrot as its owner lingers near the exit!

“I erm..” Calloway responds with a sheepish look on his bony face, “I may have booched the numbers a bit when I measured...” Following his finger bone, a pit forms in your stomach as you watch the spark rapidly approach the top of the keg!

I TOLD YOU, YOU RAT!” Screams the parrot as it pecks Calloway’s skull! “WE’LL NEVER MAKE IT OUT IN TIME! FETCH THE WATER!

“I erm..” Calloway mutters, “I thought you had it…”

As the two continue to bicker while the fuse burns, your mind races with possibilities! Whatever you’re gonna do, do it FAST!

>RUSH OVER AND SLICE THE FUSE! YOU CAN WORRY ABOUT THE PIRATES AFTER!
>DR. DEVON’S JAM! IF YOU TOSS A JAR IT MIGHT EXTINGUISH THE FUSE!
>LY! POSSESS A PIRATE AND SMOTHER THE FUSE! YOU DON’T HAVE MUCH TIME, BUT...
>RUN! THE SURVIVORS ARE A LOST CAUSE--YOU CAN’T DIE HERE!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4942789
>>DR. DEVON’S JAM! IF YOU TOSS A JAR IT MIGHT EXTINGUISH THE FUSE!

This seems the most sensible.
>>
>>4942789
>DR. DEVON’S JAM! IF YOU TOSS A JAR IT MIGHT EXTINGUISH THE FUSE!
>>
>>4942789
>RUSH OVER AND SLICE THE FUSE! YOU CAN WORRY ABOUT THE PIRATES AFTER!
Save the jam for another occasion.
>>
>>4942816
Still have 2 left over if we throw one of the jars.
>>
>>4942795
>>4942813
>JAM THE SIGNAL!

>>4942816
>SLICE OF LIFE!

Here goes something! ROLL 1d100 TO STOP THE POP! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>4942867
>>
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Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>4942867

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>4942867
>>
>>4942869
>>4942917
>>4943018
>HIGHEST ROLL: 83!

That'll do'er! Writing!
>>
File: jammed.gif (4.11 MB, 480x368)
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Damn it, if you’re gonna die on a college campus you’re gonna do it right: at a frat party with too many drinks in your stomach! This whole ‘Pirate Gunpowder Plot’ thing? It just doesn’t cut it!

Speaking of cutting, you unsheathe your BONE CLAWS, still flecked with gold dust, and tear open the vent!

“HELL’S BELLS!” Shrieks the bone parrot, “IT BE SOME MANNER OF RODENT, IT BE!”

Ignoring the bird’s squawking, you blindly rummage through your pockets for something, ANYTHING, that can save the day! As your gloved fingers close around a cylindrical object, you immediately yank it out and send it arcing towards the kegs! ’Going With the Flow’ hasn’t killed you yet!

Time slows down as the mystery object and the fuse spark race to the top of the kegs! Curiosity getting the better of everyone, you, the pirates, and even the hostages follow your projectile with glazed eyes towards its target! Even LY pops into his ASTRAL FORM to cross his bony fingers!

It’s not a race, but if it was it’d be a photo finish! Seconds before impact, you finally see what you threw so readily--a jar filled to the brim with chunky purple goo! As the glass shatters and sends its fruity payload all over the kegs and fuse, you feel a grin stretch across your face!

“Ya’ can always count on da’ Doc ta’ get us outta’ a JAM!” Ly quips, shooting you two astral thumbs up! Still stupefied by the events of the last few seconds, it takes the pirates a moment to return to reality!

“WE BE SAVED!” Shouts Calloway, wiping a layer of nonexistent sweat from his brow!

“No thanks to YE!” The parrot scolds, pecking the explosives expert’s skull! “‘Sides, we be havin’ a STOWAWAY ta’ be dealin’ wit!”

Regaining their menacing poise, the pirates and hostages turn their attention your way!

But….

>YOU’RE ALREADY CLOSING THE GAP WITH YOUR TELESCOPING MOP!
>YOU’RE NOWHERE TO BE SEEN! YOU MUST HAVE CONTINUED THROUGH THE VENTS!
>YOU’VE GOT THEM IN THE SIGHTS OF YOUR .38 REVOLVER!
>YOU’RE HALFWAY DOWN THE HALL WITH EXTENDED BONE CLAWS!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4943113
>>YOU’VE GOT THEM IN THE SIGHTS OF YOUR .38 REVOLVER!
>>
>>4943113
>YOU’VE GOT THEM IN THE SIGHTS OF YOUR .38 REVOLVER!
I guess we can try and take a couple out and then scramble and regroup?
>>
>>4943131
>>4943138
>INVOLVER THE REVOLVER!

You've got them by surprise, so you're gonna get a little boost here! ROLL 1d100+5 TO QUICKDRAW ON THESE CLOWNS! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS! WATCH OUT FOR THOSE HOSTAGES!
>>
Rolled 24 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4943241

Say hello to my little friend!
>>
Rolled 43 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4943241
>>
Rolled 22 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4943241
>>
>>4943250
>>4943253
>>4943332
>HIGHEST ROLL: 48!

OOF! Writing!
>>
File: Spoiler Image (1.98 MB, 403x235)
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https://youtu.be/5TfWV1lQ8DY

… But by the time you’ve got their attention, you’ve also got them in your SIGHTS! Sticking your tongue out in concentration, you yell for the hostages to hit the deck!

You haven’t had the chance to use your revolver until now, and it’s a shame! Hair trigger, manageable weight, and six shots: more than enough to kill anything that moves! Tucking and rolling from the vent onto the moldy carpet below, you send a bullet towards every skeleton you can see at the end of the hall! Maybe they’re surprised. Maybe they’re scared! Whatever the reason, none of them thinks to duck or dive for cover! Heh, their loss!

Deftly cocking the hammer between six room-shaking shots, the hall quickly fills with the acrid smell of cordite! Thankfully it’s not long before the smoke clears allowing you to observe your handiwork!

“Are you kiddin’ me?”

https://youtu.be/Z_rBo-M9MgY

Ly takes the words right out of your mouth. If you were graded on how many times you hit the walls, well… You’d get an A+.

The raucous laughter coming from your still-standing targets, however, tells you all you need to know.

“How da’ hell did ya’ miss EVERY SHOT?!” Ly groans as you fumble to reload your weapon! It’s… It’s the sights, you cry! Th-they were bent or something! There was a draft! Your arm itched! It’s NOT YOUR FAULT! Before you can convince your skeleton, one of the other skeletons of the pirate variety kicks a hostage forward: the one who was hexing people before!

“Right, lass,” Growls the parrot atop the pirate pointing a flintlock pistol at the back of the hostage’s head, “game’s over! Lay down yer’ arms an’ approach slowly!”

You feel that sinking feeling again as the reality kicks in. You’re not sure what they’ve got planned for you once you approach, but you can’t imagine it being much better than what they have planned for those hostages! Still holding your gun aloft, you realize that you’ll have to make a decision…

And FAST!

>COMPLY! YOU CAN COME UP WITH A PLAN ONCE THE HOSTAGES ARE OUT OF DANGER!
>THROW YOUR EMPTY REVOLVER, THEN CHARGE!
>DISTRACT THEM WITH A ‘SIGNAL’ TO YOUR FRIENDS, THEN ATTACK!
>PARLEY! PIRATES HAVE TO TALK TERMS, RIGHT?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4943504
Last update for the night, folks--today was much busier than I thought! I'll be back on TUESDAY AROUND THE USUAL 11-12PM PST! Thanks again for playing--I guarantee that one way or another we'll be getting out of this hallway tomorrow!
>>
>>4943504
>COMPLY! YOU CAN COME UP WITH A PLAN ONCE THE HOSTAGES ARE OUT OF DANGER!
To be fully honest, I aint that afraid of these guys. We've got plenty of tricks up our sleeves depending on how bad things get. But we need the fleshier people that dont have tons of defensive BONE-US's out of the way of our frantic Goblinakaido
>>
>>4943504
>>THROW YOUR EMPTY REVOLVER, THEN CHARGE!

We can use our bone armor to protect us? Right? RIGHT?!
>>
>>4943504
>COMPLY! YOU CAN COME UP WITH A PLAN ONCE THE HOSTAGES ARE OUT OF DANGER!
We can have Ly try and possess the guy while we are walking towards him. Anything else would be way too obvious and just get the hostage killed.
>>
>>4943504
>PARLEY! PIRATES HAVE TO TALK TERMS, RIGHT?
It's Pirate LAW! I think. I saw it a movie! It had Jonie Deez in it!
>>
>>4943504
>COMPLY! YOU CAN COME UP WITH A PLAN ONCE THE HOSTAGES ARE OUT OF DANGER!
>>
>>4943504
>Laser off the arm that's holding the gun pointed at the hostage, then attack.
>>
>>4943507
I like this a lot, we could have Ly basically tell them to do something stupid. Since obviously this guy isnt the sharpest brick in the cutlery drawer. What if we try having Ly as the captain tell them to do something that will distract them, like tie the hostages together in a stupid way, or to check the vents again since someone else might be coming from them.
>>
>>4943507
>>4943504

Changing to this
>>
>>4943507
>>4943537
>>4943589
>>4943966
>COMPLY!

>>4943547
>PARLEY!

>>4943601
>LASER!

Writing!
>>
Biting your lip as the pirate continues to prod the hostage with the business end of his pistol, you respond with a resigned sigh and place your REVOLVER on the floor. Cocking its tiny head to the side, the parrot squawks again!

“All of ‘em!”

The pirates watch in awe as you empty your military and janitorial arsenal out of your pockets and onto the carpet. YOUR MOPS, SCOPED RIFLE, ROCKET LAUNCHER, ABS, all of it goes into the neat pile in front of you!

“Er, Stan?” Ly begins in a concerned voice, “What da’ hell are ya’ doin’?”

Complying, you reply. You might have a dazzling array of HIP POWERS and SMOOTH MOVES, but they don’t!

… You think!

“Hell’s bells, she be a walkin’ fortress!” Remarks Calloway as he scoops up your ‘toys’. Satisfied, the parrot clicks its beak at you menacingly as its owner beckons for you to approach.

“Slowly now, lass…” The bird hisses. “Me trigger bone’s be a mite twitchy!

“Aye!” Calloway nods! “An’ with yer hands flyin’ above yer head!”

Like a student called to the principal’s office, you take your time walking over, prompting Ly’s voice to ring through your skull once more.

“Your care for da’ hostages is inspirin’, cupcake, but what about US?!

Before you can answer, one of the pirates next to the hostages speaks up.

“We’s takin’ em’ ta’ thar’ PLUNDERDOME, then?”

The parrot nods its tiny head. “Aye--these lubbers aught provide some entertainment fer’ THE MARQUIS.

“Aye, we’ll be needin’ more fuses, too…” Calloway mutters, earning a stern look from the parrot. “T’was me only strand, it was.”

“Dome’s far, sir.” Adds one of the other hostage takers. “An’ that one be a witch of sorts if the tales is true!”

The buccaneers study you as you sheepishly approach. W-what’s a ‘magic?’ Unconvinced, the parrot whistles, summoning one of the burlier pirates forward. “Mr. Tracy--knock this one’s lights out--ye be her coachmen to the dome!”

“Knock’er out wif’ wot?” Replies Mr. Tracy in a deep low voice.

“No time fer’ finesse--just bludgeon her in the head a time or two.”

You’re almost relieved that you won’t be killed yet, but you won’t be able to communicate with Ly if you’re knocked out! As Tracy approaches you cracking his knucklebones, it’s clear that you’ve gotta come up with something FAST!

>CONVINCE THEM YOU CAN WALK! YOU CAN BE NICE!
>SIGNAL LY TO POSSESS SOMEONE! HOPE HE AIN’T TIRED ANYMORE!
>GET KNOCKED OUT. LY CAN HANDLE THIS ON HIS OWN.
>SCREW THIS! LASERS AND BONE CLAWS, GO!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4944050
>SIGNAL LY TO POSSESS SOMEONE! HOPE HE AIN’T TIRED ANYMORE!
If we can get the captain, we just need him to put them in a really stupid position really fast so we can start clobbering
>>
>>4944050
>>SIGNAL LY TO POSSESS SOMEONE! HOPE HE AIN’T TIRED ANYMORE!

If not, we go with the lasering plan.
>>
>>4944054
Just a head's up to avoid confusion: Stan might not be the smartest quest protag, but she's pretty sure that CAPPIN' MENDOZA isn't here right now. Do you mean the pirate with A PARROT ON HIS SHOULDER?

Just wanted to be certain for future updates!
>>
>>4944058
Yeah, powder-for-brains over here.
>>
>>4944060
Awesome. Thanks for clarifying, anon--my brain's still in pre-coffee stages right now!
>>
>>4944054
>>4944056
>POSSESS!

Looks like we're LYving it to the pro--dude's still pretty tired from the dragon, though, so...

ROLL ME 1d100-10 TO TAKE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

While we're on the subject, let me know who Ly should possess, too! Here are a few contestants:
-Powder Keg Calloway
-Polly the Parrot (and their owner by extension)
-Mr. Tracy
-One of the other HOSTAGE-TAKERS (SCRATCH, OKUMBE, GALLOWAY)
-One of the HOSTAGES!

>>
Rolled 9 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>4944090
>>
Rolled 8 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>4944090
>POWDER-KEG CALLOWAY
>>
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>>4944100
>>4944104

HAHAHAHAHAHAFUCKHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TIME TO MAKE BORIS OUR NEW PROTAG
>>
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>>4944107
not so fast!
I can fuck us over even harder! Check my crit fail!
>>
Rolled 22 - 10 (1d100 - 10)

>>4944152
FUCK
>>
>>4944154
Its really just not our fucking day is it?
>>
>>4944100
>>4944104
>>4944154
>HIGHEST ROLL: 12!

>>4944152
Well darn, anon--I was hoping for another opportunity to kill Art!

>>4944165
Being Stan is suffering.

Anywho, writing!
>>
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“Stan,” Ly mutters as the pirate skeleton stomps towards you, “Plan. Now.

Crossing your arms, you respond with a confident smile and a chuckle! You’ve got a plan alright--and Ly’s gonna love it! Why, this might be your best plan y-

“NOIGHTY NOIGHT.”

Your brilliant plan is deftly thwarted by what feels like a truck colliding with the back of your head! Tumbling to the floor like a ragdoll, you let out a weak ‘eeech’ as your senses rapidly fade! Here we go again...

“A solid blow, Mr. Tracy!”

As the world goes dark around you, you watch helplessly as a pair of MASSIVE GOLD HANDS reach down to pick you up. The last thing you hear is Ly’s distorted, panicked voice, warped as if you were underwater.

With the lights going out all over your brain, what are the last thoughts that run through your head?

>WRITE-IN ONLY!
>>
>>4944207

Last thoughts:
>Tell Ly to tell Syb where we are
>Try to initiate teeth-armor
>We regret nothing
>>
>>4944222
>Tell Ly to tell Syb where we are
Gang support time
>>
>>4944222
>>4944238
WRITING!
>>
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As the mental curtain drops on the stellar mosh-inducing performance that is your consciousness, you swiftly instruct Ly to let Syb and the others know where you are! Time is of the essence!

You’re not entirely sure if you told him that or just gurgled ineffectually on the carpet, but at least you can say you tried! If you die here you’ll at least have a good reason to haunt your loser friends! It’s gonna be tough deciding who to haunt first, though…

Whoops, you were losing consciousness, weren’t you? Back to business, then. As the last bit of candle light flickers away in your head, you use that last drop of lucidity to try to activate your BONE ARMOR! Feeling something akin to slipping on a banana peel, you punctuate your thoughts with a final, albeit poignant statement:

You regret NOTHING!

“Oh good!”

Hearing a response to your final declaration rouses you from what feels like a long nap. That and a throbbing pain in the back of your skull. Coughing to life, your eyes open looking up at a distant domed ceiling streaked with rows of stadium lights!

“You’re finally awake!”

The proximity of the voice startles you away from the ceiling and in the direction of the speaker! Sitting across from you in a fruit cart full of anxious-looking college students sits an older man in a ragged tweed jacket and a shiny balding head.

“Sincerest apologies. I didn’t want to interrupt your rest, but I assumed you wanted to be awake for what comes next.”

Blinking your eyes back into focus, you rub the back of your head and wince at the resulting pain! The heck is he talking about?

Your answer comes in the form of a thundering chorus of cheers around you! Scrambling to the side of the cart, you find yourself in the center of a massive athletic field in the center of a stadium--its stands packed to the brim with eager undead! This is…

“The CLEARWATER UNIVERSITY ARENA, yes.” Nods the tweed-clad gentleman. “And we appear to be the main event.”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4944430
Turning your attention back to the cart, you quickly survey your immediate surroundings. In a stroke of somewhat good luck, the hostages from before are all there, albeit a bit more panicked than usual. There’s the hexer, of course, who takes in the sights with a mixture of fear and excitement, a pair of girls in pink yoga attire, a scraggly-haired young man with tired-looking eyes, and a musclebound boy wearing a tight black tank top and track pants.

Before you can adequately judge them all, a familiar presence makes itself known inside of your bones!

“Oh thank GOD!” Ly croons. “Cripes, Stan--I thought dat’ was it when dat’ gorilla clubbed ya’! It was dat’ storage unit at da’ BONE FACTORY all over again!”

Resting against the inside of the cart, you shake your head--it’ll take a bit more than that to take you down!

“Glad ta’ hear it. When you got clocked I tried ta’ possess one of da’ goons, but I was still sore from dat’ dragon joyride…” Ly’s panicked voice slowly shifts into shame. “I’m… I’m sorry, Stan--I think I messed up.”

You shrug--you’ll have all the time in the world to point fingers in a little bit! Just when you’re about to start chatting people up, an unfamiliar voice booms throughout the arena via the speakers!

LADDIES AND GENTLEMEN OF FORTUNE! TONIGHT’S ENTERTAINMENT BE ABOUT TA’ START, SO SILENCE YER’ PARROTS AN’ TAKE YER’ SEATS FOR A SPECIAL DECREE FROM THAR MARQUIS HIMSELF!

Peering over the rim of the cart, you follow the crowd’s gaze to the booth lit up by a quartet of spotlights. Sitting in what looks like one of the COMFIEST chairs you’ve ever laid eyes on is an immaculately-dressed dandy of a skeleton clad in a feathered tricorn hat, epaulets and a long navy blue officer’s coat! Swishing around the fruity cocktail glass in his bony hand, the skeleton gracefully rises to his feet and gives his pencil-thin mustache a roguish twirl as a crony hands him a microphone!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4944431
FELLOW GENTLEMEN OF FORTUNE: Zo ze assault on ze Human Stronghold was far from ze success I expected of you, every cloud, as ze say, has a silver lining!

Tipping his drink in your direction, you and the rest of the cart’s occupants recoil as a spotlight illuminates your ride!

Your eyes do not deceive you, me ‘arties,” The Marquis continues, a predatory grin forming on his face, “Zo we have failed to stamp out ze’ WRETCHED human cockaroaches infesting zis’ place, we have ferreted out ze’ flea zat’ has been biting our master’s back: STANLEY PARBLE!

The utterance of your name is met with a roar of raucous cheers and applause. It’s about time you inspired this much excitement and attention! Too bad about the circumstances, though.

Hugh Darby.” Whispers the man in tweed as he shakes your hand. “Professor of Cryptozoological Studies. Pleasure to meet you, really--shame we’re about to die!”

Ze’ ‘onorable CAPPIN’ MENDOZA, COMMANDER IN CHIEF OF ZE’ BURNIN’ ARMADA, ‘as given me ze’ great honor an’ pleasure of facilitating zis’ unfortunate freak of nature’s execution! We have ‘eard stories of her battle prowess, of course, zo’ what better way to ‘elp ‘er shuffle off of ‘zis mortal coil ‘zen with a BATTLE TO ZE DEATH?!

Answered with a round of cheers and laughs, The Marquis studies you from across the arena with a smug grin.

We have given you a grave fit for champions, ma cherie,” He chuckles, “We only ask zat’ you make your death… ENTERTAINING!

Before you can fire back with a one-liner or two, the tunnels leading to the TEAM DRESSING ROOMS open up revealing…

>AN ARMY OF SKELETON PIRATES! THESE GUYS BROUGHT HARDWARE, TOO!
>THOSE LOOTERS FROM BEFORE! THEY DON’T LOOK HAPPY!
>IF IT'S ANOTHER DRAGON YOU'RE GONNA BE STEAMED!
>MYSTERY!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4944432
>>MYSTERY!

This can only end badly-- let's do it!
>>
>>4944432
>THOSE LOOTERS FROM BEFORE! THEY DON’T LOOK HAPPY!
I sure hope this Hugh guy survives. I’m sure he has the skinny on the sewer mutants.
>>
>>4944432
>MYSTERY!
MYSTERY BOX MYSTERY BOX MYSTERY BOX
>>
>>4944472
>>4944692
>IT'S A MYSTERYYYYYYY

>>4944496
>LOOTERS!

I know your weakness now, /qst/. I know you can't resist THE BOX.

That's good, though--makes me have to get creative. Writing the last update of the evening!
>>
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Water. A LOT of it! Enough to snatch your wagon and other bits of field debris off of the artificial turf and carry it along on an impromptu river cruise! As you and its passengers redistribute your weight to keep your new boat from capsizing, the burly boy at the helm turns around to face you with an incredulous look on his face!

“YOU!” He shouts, a vein throbbing on his reddened forehead, “YOU’RE the freak they want--what the Hell’s happenin’ here, man?!”

While the rest of the castaways look to you for answers, the professor peers thoughtfully over the side of your raft with a thoughtful look on his face. Ignoring the others, you scoot over to his side and shake his shoulder. Hello?! Anybody home?!

“Oh, of course!” He replies, his somewhat startled face curling back into a smile. “I was just wondering what they could be preparing for us! I hope it’s a MERMAID or two--we’ve studied bones and other indirect evidence, but I’d kill to see a live one!

Before you can slap him upside the head, another round of cheers from the crowd catches your attention. Good thing, too--turning your gaze towards the athlete entrances, you spot several ripples rushing through the inky darkness of the water! As the jock and the professor continue to express their confusion and interest respectively, the rest of the hostages relocate to the center of the cart while you extend your BONE CLAWS!

Maybe it’s the crowd, maybe it’s your execution-mates, or maybe it’s the ‘SSSSHK!’ sound your claws make. Whatever it is, the man-made pool below you erupts into an arc of water and vapor as two colossal figures respond to the call with roars that shake the arena’s very foundations!

Daaaamn, brah…” Mutters the sleepy-eyed hostage.

N-NANI SORE?!?!!” Shrieks the hexer!

“W-W-WHAT ARE THOSE?!” Screams one of the girls with green bangs!

“So that’s where all the funding went…” Professor Darby nods.

You merely scoff--amateurs! Acting like it's their first MID-BOSS FIGHT!

... Oh. right.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4944835
Looming over the cart are TWO SEA-CREATURE SAVAGES! The beast on the left rears its head back and hisses menacingly as sparks fly from its spine-covered serpentine body borne on a set of cybernetic spider-like appendages!

Not to be outdone, the creature on the right clicks its mandibles together as it glares hungrily at the fresh appetizers on your cart! Covered from head to toe in sheets of metal, it’s almost difficult to place what kind of creature it is… but the dome-shaped shell on its back covered in spikes and glowing bits set it apart from any hermit crab you’ve ever seen!

Magnifique, non?” Gloats THE MARQUIS over the loudspeakers. “Courtesy of ze’ new DE-BONED swabbies from ze’ esteemed MARINE BIOLOGY an’ ENGINEERING COLLEGES, I give to you: RIP….. UN TEAR!

Looking past the two aquatic abominations, you spot two very non-piratey groups cheering in the crowd: one group wearing UNIVERSITY WETSUITS, the other clad exclusively in ENGINEERING SCHOOL HOODIES! Damn nerds!

I believe you will find zere names to be QUITE appropriate, Madame Parble!” The Marquis croons, taking a sip from his drink. “Worry not--we can recover your remains after ze battle…

As if waiting for his signal, the odious ocean-dwellers both lunge for you and your fellow flesh-wearers--the former gnashing its hook-shaped teeth, the latter bringing a massive claw across like a scythe! Unfortunately for them, you’re wide awake now! What’s the first move?!

REMEMBER, YOUR WEAPONS ARE GONE!

>BLAST ‘EM BOTH WITH A LASER!
>PARRY THE BEASTS WITH YOUR BONE CLAWS!
>TRY TO DRAW THEM AWAY FROM THE CART!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
Aaaand that's all for tonight, folks--sorry about the wait: dinner went a bit longer than expected! Should have some more stuff ready WEDNESDAY AROUND THE USUAL 11-12PM PST! Thanks for playing and your patience!
>>
>>4944838
>>BLAST ‘EM BOTH WITH A LASER!

kiss kiss bang bang
>>
>>4944838
>BLAST ‘EM BOTH WITH A LASER!
>>
>>4944838
>Jump on the snake to make the crab hit it while trying to his us!
>>
>>4944838
>BLAST ‘EM BOTH WITH A LASER!
Ly you better have some dang juice recovered, because we are probably gonna need it.

Thinking however, I think we should focus on the organic one first. If the other has mechanical components, then Ly could easily scout for interior weak points that we could take advantage of later.
>>
>>4944841
>>4944854
>>4944898
>LASER!

>>4944855
>PIT 'EM AGAINST EACH OTHER!

Get the tartar sauce ready: we're havin' a seafood fry! ROLL 1d100+10 THANKS TO HOW CLOSE THESE GOOFS ARE! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

As per usual, feel free to point out specific targets if you like!
>>
Rolled 26 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4945419

Let's go with RIP first. Hopefully when we laser blast him, TEAR will get caught in the crossfire.
>>
Rolled 14 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4945419
>Aim for da legs!
>>
Rolled 96 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4945419
laser rip. going for his eyes should be pretty painful
>>
>>4945461
Anon I love you with all my heart
>>
>>4945426
>>4945428
>>4945461
>HIGHEST ROLL: 106!!!!!

You guys have gotta stop scaring me like that! Writing!
>>
Sorry folks, an errand popped up literally RIGHT when I prepared to write! Shouldn't take long now, honest!
>>
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https://youtu.be/uuKeG6AToTY

Meeting the beasts halfway, you clamber to the edge of the vessel and charge up your LASER EYE. Time for a STARING CONTEST!

“Hold on, babe!”

As your eye starts to burn its socket, you spy the tank-topped guy approaching from the corner of your vision!

“I’ll handle th-”

His gallantry is cut off by a streak of white-hot light blasting from one eye to another! Shrieking in pain, the eel whips back and forth as its eye sizzles and runs like an egg yolk! In its spasms it slams its head into its crustacean counterpart, sending both beasts tumbling into the water!

As the resulting waves push you away, your would-be savior gawks at your still-smoking eyeball.

“I uh… Y’know what? You keep doin’ your thing.”

Flipping the double bird to the audience, you bask in the boos and jeers as your opponents rise from the water once more, the eel’s eye now reduced to a smear of jelly-like matter! Regarding you with newfound caution, the creatures give each other a quick nod before splitting off for a pincer attack!

“Hey, dat’ was pretty good, kid!” Ly chuckles. “PINCER attack! Ha!”

You don’t get it, but you don’t need to! The number one task on your To-Do List is to KICK SOME ASS!

Water coolers, benches, and other bits of debris create dicey paths to RIP on the LEFT and TEAR on the RIGHT, but they didn’t expect to be fighting a PARKOUR MASTER!

The question is, who do you go after first?

>ATTACK RIP! HIS EYE’S OUT, BUT THAT ELECTRICITY COULD BE TROUBLE!
>GET TEAR! LOOKS LIKE HE’S BUILT TO TAKE DAMAGE!
>HOLD POSITION AT THE CART--DON’T LET THEM DRAW YOU OUT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4945607
>>ATTACK RIP! HIS EYE’S OUT, BUT THAT ELECTRICITY COULD BE TROUBLE!
>>
>>4945607
>ATTACK RIP! HIS EYE’S OUT, BUT THAT ELECTRICITY COULD BE TROUBLE!
>>
>>4945607
>GET TEAR! LOOKS LIKE HE’S BUILT TO TAKE DAMAGE!
Lets get on Tear. Then take advantage of Rips blindness and anger to get him to attack both of us. Tear might be made of metal, but we got Rockabilly Ribs and GREAT DENTAL CARE!
>>
>>4945611
>>4945612
>RUSH RIP!

>TACKLE TEAR!

ROLL 1d100+10 TO REACH HIM! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS! Attacks will be determined assuming you get there without falling, but feel free to write in strats with your roll!
>>
Rolled 73 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4945657
>>
Rolled 42 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4945657

More lasers!
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>4945657
cut him up with our claws!
>>
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>>4945461
>>4945713

HAH! TWO NAT >100's in a row!
>>
>>4945728
Just wait until Art shows up to the party. It'll be Crit-Fail City all over again!

>>4945681
>>4945686
>>4945713
>HIGHEST ROLL: 101!

Time for some sushi! Writing!
>>
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Ordering your cart-mates to sit tight, you leap off the side of the boat and scamper across the debris bobbing in the water towards RIP!

“Shouldn’t be too much of a problem wit’ dat’ eye missin’!” Ly remarks as you spin in the air to dodge a volley of lasers from the dishes covering TEAR’S shell! Shrugging off the heat, you dive to the right as the eel sends a blast of electricity your way! Though the arc sails past you and into the water, it still makes your hair stand on-end! You’ve been shocked at work enough times to know that electricity and water is a nasty combination!

Sensing your intent, the colossal eel dives into the water as the crowd howls for blood! Balancing on a water cooler bobbing in the wake, you crouch like a hawk and scan the water for your target!

“There!” Ly reports, pointing an ASTRAL FINGER at an approaching wave! Not waiting around for the crab to show up, you grit your teeth and leap just as the hook-toothed monster breaches the surface! Though it tries to snap you up in its jaws, you thread the needle and pop your BONE CLAWS just as you sail into RIP’S mouth!

“Didn’t dis’ guy ever learn ta’ chew his food?” Ly quips! Guess not! The beast’s tongue makes one last valiant attempt to block you, but it’s too late! Spooky as he is on the outside, the inside of his mouth proves to be pretty darn squishy!

Slicing through like a feral cat, you tear your way through the flesh and bits of cybernetics until you see the arena lights again! With one last pitiful gurgle, the eel topples backwards into the water, taking YOU with it!

Good, you think. You could use a hose-down to get all of this chum off of you!

“Maybe not yet, cupcake!”

With a defiant shriek, RIP’S body glows and crackles with an electric charge as you fall towards the water! Flashbacks of every time you’ve had to fix faulty wiring at GOOD BOY rush through your head at breakneck speed urging you to find somewhere else to stand! The eel’s companion is still pretty far away--as long as you leap to some more debris you should be fine!

ROLL 1d100+5 TO LEAP TO SAFETY! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 9 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4945847
>>
Rolled 40 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4945847
>>
Rolled 14 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4945847
>>
>>4945850
>>4945857
>>4945897
>HIGHEST ROLL: 45!

BZZZT! Writing!
>>
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No time to waste! Leaping from the falling beast, you give your ride a cocky salute as you sail through the air! Hey, Ly!

“Yea?”

Guess you’re getting off of this ride… FREE OF CHARGE!

As the two of you laugh, you pause as the crowd starts to join in too! What the hell?! They should be angry, damn it! Unless you seduced them with your poise and skill-

A beam of light searing your hip tells you that no, they weren’t seduced. Letting out a very unattractive ‘AAACK!’, your leap transforms into a fall as you careen towards the brackish water below! Taking a deep breath, you break the surface with a loud crash and instantly seize up from the water’s frigid temperature!

Tossed around by the waves created by the two behemoths, you flail your arms at anything that looks dry like a cat that just fell into a bathtub! Spotting what you perceive to be the blurry outline of the cart ahead of you, your frantic paddling is interrupted by the taste of blood in the water and the prickling feeling of a nearby electric charge!

The booming shriek closing in behind you is all the motivation you need. Swimming towards the cart being carried away by the tides, you also notice the dishes on TEAR’S shell charging up for another round of BEAMS! So that’s what blasted your hip!

“Just focus on not dyin’!” Ly orders as you struggle to not swallow too much water! Easy for him to say!

ROLL 1d100 TO SWIM TO SAFETY! BETTER HURRY! I’LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>4945912
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>4945912
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>4945912
>>
>>4945916
>>4945917
>>4945920
>HIGHEST ROLL: 83!
Writing!
>>
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Adrenaline carries you through the water like a torpedo, and though the cart is far ahead and TEAR’S beams, well… tear through the water next to you, you quickly catch up and flop against its side! You scarcely hang there for a moment before the college students and Professor Darby help you up!

“Welcome back!” Greets the professor as he helps you to your feet! “They still have some fight in them, it would seem!”

“Nice form, though!” The jock compliments, wiping the much from your shoulders. “You’ve gotta’ tell me where you learned to do that!”

“Maybe later?” Mutters the girl with green bangs as she points a finger behind you. “Th-they’re still coming…”

A quick about-face confirms that yes, they still are coming! Though the water around him clouds with a reddish hue, you can still see RIP shooting towards your cart with suicidal intent!

Not to be outdone, TEAR stomps towards the side of the cart with malicious intent, much to the enjoyment of the audience! As you brace for an attack, THE MARQUIS’ pompous voice echoes once again through the loudspeakers!

Impressive technique, Madame Parble, but just ‘ow long can you keep at eet? Ze’ longer you fight, ze’ hungrier zey GET!

You had to say it, but that freak’s right. You want to believe your crew is on the way to provide backup, but until then you’ve gotta hold these creeps off!

What’s the plan!?
>RIP’S ON HIS LAST ER… ROBOT LEGS! FINISH HIM!
>TEAR’S GETTING LONELY--WHY NOT PAY HIM A VISIT?
>BOTH ARE HEADED TOWARDS YOU--WHY NOT RISK GETTING HIT AND ATTACK THEM BOTH?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4945947
>BOTH ARE HEADED TOWARDS YOU--WHY NOT RISK GETTING HIT AND ATTACK THEM BOTH?
Take out Rip, and get ready for tear at the same time? Worth a gamble
>>
>>4945947
>>BOTH ARE HEADED TOWARDS YOU--WHY NOT RISK GETTING HIT AND ATTACK THEM BOTH?
>>
>>4945948
>>4945961
>DOUBLE OR NOTHING!

Risky business indeed! ROLL 1d100+5 TO DOUBLE DOWN! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

You're back on solid...ish... ground, so feel free to add in specific strats for hurting the gruesome twosome!
>>
Rolled 69 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4945987

Finish off Rip and let him topple onto tear. Then use the resulting distraction to absolutely INCINERATE Tear!

These rollercoaster rolls are giving me the urge to indulge in the vice that is alcohol.
>>
Rolled 45 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4945995
I'll support this idea
>>
>>4945995
>>4946001
Gonna play some games with a few pals in a bit, so feel free to roll again if you have already--still waiting on ONE LAST ROLL, ARTHUR!

>>4945995
Go for it--alcohol can't harm your mind any more than BONES QUEST already has!
>>
Getting ready to play now--should be ready to update THURSDAY AROUND THE USUAL 11-12PM PST! Thanks as always for playing AND for choosing the mystery box! Hope to see you next time!
>>
Rolled 44 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4945987
>>
>>4945995
>>4946001
>>4946080
>HIGHEST ROLL: 74!

Writing!
>>
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Holding position, you keep your LASER EYE warm and your BONE CLAWS unsheathed as the two beasts rush for the cart!

Sugoi na…” Remarks the hexer as he pokes your claws. Good, you nod, you could use an enchantment or two!

“Uhhhh…” Grunts the jock as he points a beefy finger at the approaching eel, “Don’t wanna backseat, dude, but-”

Before he can finish his statement, you leap off the cart one more time as the bloody froth underwater closes in! Shrieking in anger as it breaches, RIP opens its mouth wide and sparks with electricity as TEAR aims his dishes your way! As the crowd goes wild in the background, you slip between the eel’s teeth once more and land on its tongue, then LAUNCH yourself upwards into the roof of its mouth!

Digging through bone, flesh, and eventually brain matter like a maggot on a mission, you emerge through the top of the eel’s head and hop to the cart just in time to watch the beast crash into his hermit crab counterpart in a shower of sparks! Stumbling backwards, the killer crustacean’s domes fire their payload into the crowd, utterly OBLITERATING the MARINE BIO SKELETONS!

While both RIP and TEAR are still sizzling, you take a position at the bow and adopt your best George Washington pose! As the crab struggles to remove its electrically-charged friend, you train your eye on one of its eyestalks and FIRE!

Sensing danger, TEAR hastily chops his snakelike comrade into pieces in an attempt to break free! As RIP’S remains tumble unceremoniously into the water, your laser connects with TEAR’S armored eyestalk and colors the metal armor orange with heat! Hissing in pain, the crab snaps up several chunks of eel bobbing in the water and tosses them your way!

“It’s gonna sink us!” shouts one of the girls!

Thanks, you mutter. Very helpful!

What’s the plan, Stan?!
>ZAP ‘EM OUT OF THE SKY! YOUR EYE’S REALLY STARTING TO HURT, BUT…
>LEAP UP AND CHOP ‘EM OUT OF THE AIR!
>TAKE THE FIGHT TO THE CRAB--HOP ON THE CHUNKS AND USE ‘EM AS A BRIDGE!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4946712
>>ZAP ‘EM OUT OF THE SKY! YOUR EYE’S REALLY STARTING TO HURT, BUT…

We can kill some skellies later and use their marrow.

Also is that GAMUGO, or is it just some Japanese student??
>>
>>4946712
>LEAP UP AND CHOP ‘EM OUT OF THE AIR!
Little known fact about Stan, she was actually trained as a Sashimi chef, this is not true. But she totally intends to learn later though
>>
>>4946721
Yes, he's the man behind the vtuber.
... That was a lie. He's just a Japanese Student. His name's Hideji. Try to guess how long I spent coming up with some of these hostages!
>>
>>4946712
>LEAP UP AND CHOP ‘EM OUT OF THE AIR!
>>
>>4946712
>TAKE THE FIGHT TO THE CRAB--HOP ON THE CHUNKS AND USE ‘EM AS A BRIDGE!
>>
>>4946721
>BZZZZT!

>>4946722
>>4946769
>LEAP! CHOP!

>>4946799
>BRIDGE!

Looks like we're choppin'! ROLL 1d100+5 TO CUT TO THE CHASE! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 26 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4946800
>>
Rolled 49 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4946800
>>
>>4946800
>>
Rolled 46 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4946800
>>
>>4946802
>>4946835
>>4946868
>HIGHEST ROLL: 54!

Writing!
>>
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Though your legs ache from all of the overtime you’ve been putting them through, you find it pretty easy to hop into the air and intercept an eel chunk with your claws! Chopping it in two like an apple, you shudder a bit as you’re sprayed with even MORE sea critter viscera! Man, you just took a bath, too!

“More incomin’!” Ly shouts, pointing towards two more airborne offal chunks! Your landing on the edge of the cart shakes your vessel around a bit, but aside from spooking the students, not much happens! Soaring into the air again like a hyperactive cricket, you deftly slice the two other projectiles out of the air!

Two is better than one, however, and as gravity takes you cartward, your landing zone is altered when the smaller, but still sizable chunks ‘PLUNK’ into the water! The crowd cheers and the students groan as they struggle to keep the vessel from capsizing--meanwhile you land with a splash in the water where the cart used to be!

The icy water doesn’t shock you as much this time, but thanks to all the activity from the eel chunks and the giant hermit crab, you find yourself at the mercy of the waves! As you struggle to regain your bearings, a blurry redwood-sized pillar comes crashing into the water mere feet away! Sputtering to the surface, you quickly adjust your hat as you find the source! Clicking his mandibles menacingly, TEAR stomps towards you with purpose as the students on the cart shout in vain! See, this is why more people should be armed!

“Not now, Stan!” Ly interrupts! “Gotta move before dat’ thing snags us!”

As one of the beast’s colossal legs crashes into the water next to you, you try your best to GO WITH THE FLOW… Literally! Unfortunately said flow quickly pulls you back into stomping range. Stupid Water Physics!

Positioning his foot over you for a particularly menacing photo op, TEAR is taken off-balance as a laser rips through the arena walls and his limb! Following the beam to its source, a grin plasters your face as the familiar silhouette of your bodyguard lingers in the new entrance!

STAAAAAAAAAAAN!
About TIME!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4946951
M-MON DIEU!

As THE MARQUIS and the rest of the crowd react to the newcomer, you feel a current lap at your side! Feeling your feet touch down on the damp, yet still sturdy artificial turf, you wipe a few persistent drops of grime from your brow as the remaining water escapes through the hole Talbot made!

D-don’t just stand zere, you imbeciles! Ze game eez over! KEEL ZEM!

Whirling around to face the crowd, panic sets in as the audience swings into the arena on a series of ropes! Where the heck did they get those!?

Some of them aren’t so lucky, though--as the engineering skeletons rise menacingly from their seats, their whole section is reduced to rubble by a well-placed grenade! Before the skeletons seated next to them can escape, they’re engulfed by a fireball! Looking back to Talbot, you watch as your gang poses dramatically in the opening!

“Sorry we’re late!” Syb laughs, blowing a few plumes of smoke off of her fingers.

“You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to find a map of this place.” Art adds, loading another grenade into his GRENADE LAUNCHER.

A bright green projectile burns a hole in TEAR’S non-armored eyestalk. “Didn’t wanna steal your thunder!” Mitzi grins, twirling her SCIENCEY GUN!

As if on cue, the roar of a motorcycle engine signals the arrival of Gus! Racing around the arena, his passenger Kiki unloads on the skeletons with her LIGHT MACHINE GUN! The Van’s not far behind either--skidding to a halt next to you, Eddie gives you a smile as Tucker fires his N4 RIFLE from the passenger’s seat!

“Fancy meeting you here!” He winks before reaching under the seat. “Got you a present, by the way--some jerkass pirate was twirling it outside!”

Eddie’s arm returns clutching a familiar CHINCHILL PUMP-ACTION! Before you can say anything, he tosses the weapon in your open arms and revs the van’s engine a few times.

“Always wanted to drive in the arena! Never thought it’d be like this, though!”

Reloading his weapon, Tucker nudges Ed in the ribs before looking your way.

“These things always drag on for too long! Stan, you do you--we’ll handle the cleanup this time!”

Nodding, you’re about to run off when you feel a hand the size of your torso pat you on the head. Looking up at Talbot’s glowing eye, you give the giant a toothy grin--he ready to cause some mayhem?

Talbot responds with an enthusiastic nod. “NO… SWEAT.

That’s what you like to hear! What’s the first move?
>GET THE HOSTAGES OUTTA HERE!
>TAKE CARE OF TEAR! HE’S HOBBLED, BUT NOT DOWN!
>GRAB THAT MARKEE GUY BEFORE HE FLEES!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4946953
>>GRAB THAT MARKEE GUY BEFORE HE FLEES!
This asshole ain't goin nowhere, we got PLANS for him
>>
>>4946953
>>GRAB THAT MARKEE GUY BEFORE HE FLEES!

>>4946959 Plans that involve sucking the marrow from his skull?! Count me in!
>>
>>4946953
>GRAB THAT MARKEE GUY BEFORE HE FLEES!
>>
>>4946959
>>4946971
>>4946976
>STOP THAT SKELETON!

You know the drill, folks: ROLL ME 1d00+10 TO CUT HIM OFF! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 66 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4947033
>>
Rolled 11 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4947033
>>
Rolled 92 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4947033
>>
>>4947040
>>4947053
>>4947062
>HIGHEST ROLL: 102!

Had to make din, but we're free now! Writing!
>>
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Surveying the carnage with a mixture of surprise and pride, you turn your attention towards the skeleton running the whole show and glare! Sensing your murderous gaze, THE MARQUIS white-knuckles the mic and repeatedly stabs a bony finger in your direction!

D-DON’T JUST WATCH, YOU FOOLS! GET ‘ER!

As the members of the crowd empty into the arena, your friends get to work making sure they’re attended to! Lasers, bullets, grenades, and spells fly back and forth like the Fourth of July as you begin calculating the most direct route to THE BIG CHEESE! Sensing your intent, Talbot approaches from behind with a crushed skull in his hand. Ew.

Shaking his massive head, he winds back his arm and chucks the skull next to THE MARQUIS’ massive chair, prompting a girly squeal from the skeleton hiding behind it! Reaching out to you, the giant cocks his head to the side expectantly, prompting a conflicted ‘hmm’ from Ly. Thoughts, dear?

“It’s definitely da’ fastest way.” He muses, tapping your foot. “Not sure if it’s da’ safest, thou-”

Ly’s thoughts are cut off by a volley of lasers glassing the turf next to you! Looking past Talbot, your eyes nearly pop out of their sockets as the imposing form of TEAR closes in on you both! You’re not sure if crabs can express anger, but the way he’s stepping on any skeleton in his path and menacingly shaking RIP’S severed head at you certainly gives you some data to mull over. Glancing between you and the crab like a dog spotting a mailman, the decision is obvious!

Climbing into T’s hand, you brace yourself for launch as your bodyguard winds up the pitch! With a loud grunt, Talbot chucks you into the air moments before TEAR closes the gap! Sailing through his mottled green claw, you wave to Talbot as he eagerly leaps onto the crustacean and goes to town with his fists!

“He’s a good kid.” Ly remarks as the beast shrieks in pain. He sure is…

>CONTD.
>>
>>4947282
Turning your attention back to your flight in progress, you’re intercepted by a pirate mere feet from your target! Clutching your neck in one hand and a rope in the other (seriously, where did they get these?!) your captor lets out a boisterous laugh that rattles his gold-plated ribs!

“ARRRR! When ye’ be meetin’ Ole’ Scratch, tell ‘im it were GOLD-TOOTH TIMMY what sent yer’!”

Blowing his head off at point-blank range with your CHINCHILL-PUMP ACTION, you take control of the rope and swing back to the stands through a gauntlet of knives, musket balls, and hatchets! As a crowd of pirates set up a firing line near your LZ, their ranks are quickly dispersed by a well-placed grenade! Looking where it came from, you spot Art sending a salute your way before returning to the fray!

Landing in the resulting crater, you make haste towards the chair as more pirates swing in from above! Though you manage to blast a few with your shotgun, several gold-plated pirates land in front of you wielding what appear to be CHAINSAWS!

“Arrr, we just be takin’ a little of the edges, we be!”

Revving their implements of botanical destruction at you, the pirates pause as a large, cylindrical shadow looms overhead! Looking up, you leap backwards just in time to avoid TEAR’S mechanical eyestalk!

https://youtu.be/r6JK-gRELI0

A chorus of screams followed by a sickening crunch tell you your assailants weren’t as lucky. Hopping over the eye, you manage to spot THE MARQUIS as he makes a break for the exit behind his door!

“He’s gettin’ away!” Ly exclaims, prompting you to sprint faster!

Like HELL he is!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4947286
Snatching a CUTLASS from the stands, you javelin-toss the sword at the retreating skeleton with all your might!

Sailing through the air like a guided missile, the sword neatly sails through THE MARQUIS’ officer coat and his ribs, pinning him to the wall! As he starts to unscrew his skull like a lightbulb, the master of ceremonies shrieks as you menacingly stomp over!

“N-NO! NoNoNOnONONONO!” He shrieks, tugging fruitlessly on the sword stuck between his ribs! Just when you get into BONE CLAW range, he holds out his hands in a placating manner!

“P-please, mademoiselle! I…. I SURRENDER!” As those last words escape his mouth, a few pirates swinging in from above promptly and politely swing back to wherever they came from. Smart goons!

The rest of the arena’s no different--sensing their defeat, the remaining pirates scamper away from your friends out through any crack they can find! Standing atop TEAR’S bruised and bloody corpse, your bodyguard Talbot gives you an amicable wave as he points to his STYLISH BOWTIE with his other hand! Yep, you see him!

“P-please!” Stutters your captive, “I-I will tell you whatever you wish to know!” You respond by crossing your arms--is that the BEST he can do?

“Y-YES, YES! Anything you WANT! I’ll give it to you!” He adds, drink quaking between his jittery fingers! “Just don’t ‘urt me!”

Dragging the comfy chair over to where your prisoner is, you slump into the seat’s loving embrace and smirk. Anything, huh?

What’s first?
>GIMME THAT DRINK!
>WHERE’S THE CAPTAIN!?
>WHY ARE YOU JERKS HERE ANYWAYS?
>ANY OTHER CAPTIVES?
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4947289
I would ask for the drink but it's probably full of dissolve-everything-but-bone juice
>WHERE’S THE CAPTAIN!?
>>
>>4947289
>>WHERE’S THE CAPTAIN!?
>ANY OTHER CAPTIVES?
>>
>>4947307
>>4947310
>WHERE'S THE CAPTAIN?!
>WHERE'S THE CAPTIVES?!

Writing the last update of the evening!
>>
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>>4947350
You begin by crossing one leg over the other as you glare at your prisoner from your new comfy chair. Damn, this is nice!

“Y-you want eet?! Eet’s your-”

Who said he could speak?! Besides, you growl, that wasn’t a question! Leaning forward in your seat, you start with the main course: his boss--WHERE IS HE?!

“Ah.. ze CAPTAIN!” Your captive smiles. “Yes, I can tell you ‘zat! Gladly!”

You respond by extending your BONE CLAWS. Then do it already!

“But of course! As you might ‘av already ascertained, ‘e is not ‘ere!”

Sensing the glow in your eye, The Marquis promptly edits his answer.

“Errr, ‘zat is to say… He isn’t here, but I know where ‘e EES!”

Alright, you sigh, drumming your fingers on the chair’s armrest, then where is he? The QUICK version, if you please!

The skeleton nods his head so hard it almost pops off! “I do! I DO please! Eef eet pleases you, madame! CAPTAIN MENDOZA eez currently aboard ze’ MANATEE: Ze new flagship of ze BURNIN’ ARMADA!

You’re not sure how you manage it, but your frown sinks even lower. How the heck did you miss a PIRATE SHIP!? As if on cue, Ly pops out in his ASTRAL FORM for a shrug.

“To be fair we didn’t really comb da’ coast…”

“Eet eez’ sequestered away from ze shore near ZE BARRIER!” The Marquis explains. “When ‘e ‘eard about your… ‘ow do you say… ‘dealings’... wit ze others, ‘e became ra’zer paranoid!

You giggle. Finally some recognition! Okay, you continue, how do you get to this ‘MANATEE?’ You ain’t swimming, that’s for damn sure! The skeleton nods.

“I couldn’t tell you…”

You poke his mustache with the tip of a BONE CLAW to remind him that yes, he can!

“Z-Zat’s not what I meant!” He whimpers! “My men an’ I were ordered to stay ‘ere an’ ga’zer bones for ze MASTER!

Big deal! Just call up the boss and tell him to pick you up or something! The Marquis shakes his hatted head with a mournful look on his face.

“You don’t understand--we were sent ashore, zen’ told to deeg een until relieved!” Cocking your head to the side, you ask when the heck that’s supposed to be.

“As I recall, ‘ee said ee’d be ‘back een’ a beet.’”

FanTAStic.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4947399
In that case, you continue with growing irritation in your voice, how would you go about getting to him? There’s gotta be away!

“Not without ZE SIGNAL!” Replies your captive angrily! “‘Ee sent an’ expedition ashore to collect somezeeng, but only zey know ze signal to be allowed back on deck!”

That’s stupid, you spit! What’s stopping you from just, like… paddling over really fast?

Le Démon de la Mer!” Hisses the skeleton as he checks the shadows around you! “Ze Captain ‘as a TOTEM aboard ze ship zat controls eet! If anyone tries to board, eet gobbles zem up like breakfast sausages! Rather entertaining!”

So you keep hearing… Tapping your foot on the ground, you opt to change the subject. Assuming you wanted to track down this expedition, where would you go?

“Not far from zis place ees a network of CAVES!” The Marquis whispers in a conspiratorial voice! “Deep een zeir depths lies a treasure beyond compare--ze panacea known only as ‘ZE MERMAID’S TEAR!

THAT raises your eyebrow! What the heck is ‘ZE MERMAID’S TEAR?

Fascinating, that’s what!”

You nearly jump out of your seat as the sudden voice is accompanied by a pat on your shoulder! Whipping around in your chair, you stare into the shiny glasses of the professor you shared the cart with! What the heck is he doing here?!

“Didn’t mean to intrude!” Darby chuckles, wiping a few water droplets off of what little remains of his hair. “I came to thank you, but when I heard about THE TEAR, well!”

Oh great, looks like he’s gonna talk too!

“Glad we grabbed dis’ chair!” Ly remarks!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4947400
Clearing his throat, the professor continues in a lecturer’s tone. “According to our research, the caves used to be inhabited by an ancient seafaring race--one well-attuned to the natural WILD MAGIC here in Clearwater!”

Patting his jacket’s pockets for a marker, the professor quickly gives up and continues. “Little is known about this race due to the natural danger present in sea caves, but one thing we do know is that this mystery race cultivated a miracle cure of sorts--one that could cure even the deadliest disease, according to cave paintings and other evidence!”

Dang, you sigh, he’s been busy, hasn’t he? The professor nods sheepishly.

“Well, erm… My department has a lot of time to research. We don’t get many students in our classes, you see…” Sensing a lead, his eyes light up behind his glasses! “Say, you wouldn’t happen to be a student, would you?”

Nope, you reply, you’re uh… You took a year off! A few years!

“I see.” Darby nods with a hint of disappointment in his face.

“Zat tear ees what we were lookeeng for!” Shouts The Marquis! “When ze Captain ‘eard zis was a place of study, ee ‘ad us search up an’ down for anything about a cure!”

Wait a minute, you butt in, cure for what?! They’re dead, aren’t they?

“Fascinating, isn’t it?” Chuckles the professor. “Perhaps that’s what he wants to cure!”

You blink. They’re gonna have to explain that a bit.

“‘Zo we were men of fortune een life,” explains your captive, “we were FREE! Now we dance like puppets to zee master’s tune!”

So what, you mutter, still confused, he wants to cure his DEATH?! The Marquis nods.

“Precisely! Eef we are no longer dead, ee cannot control us, yes?”

“Interesting theory…” Darby mutters to himself. “And here I am without my lucky notebook…”

“If dat’ does work,” Ly thinks aloud, “we know a few people who could use ‘dat!” Ly remarks. He’s right--now YOU’VE got the TREASURE FEVER!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4947403
A new lead secured, you segue to your next question: are there any other captives lying around? If there are, he’d better get busy freeing them!

“‘Ate to say it, mademoiselle,” Your prisoner replies, “but you’re too late! Aside from zose’ fools in ze DORM BUILDEENG, my men have already run down ze’ stragglers! Zose zat weren’t sent to ze FORTRESS were drafted into service ‘ere! Hence ze erm… Entertainment.” He explains, gesturing to RIP AND TEAR’S remains decomposing in the arena.

“I suspected as much.” Professor Darby sighs as his gaze rises to the ceiling. “Everyone panicked when the campus was attacked--many students and staff members retreated to the upper floors of the dorms, but many opted to brave the outside in search of supplies…”

He pauses to wipe his glasses on his jacket.

“... Not many came back. I suspect if you hadn’t come along, we wouldn’t have either, so erm… Thank you.”

Typical, you huff angrily! You’re betting the Dean’s gone too, huh? No scholarships for you! The Marquis shifts his monocle.

“Funny, zat--ees mansion was empty when we arrived!”

Huh.

“In any case,” Professor Darby cuts in, “The survivors in the dorms will want to know who saved them. I’d be more than happy to take you and your friends there once you erm… finish up.

Speaking of, was there anything else you wanted to ask?

>WHAT WILL YOU BONEHEADS DO NOW?
>WAIT, DOES THAT MEAN THE MANSION’S ABANDONED?
>GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON NOT TO CHOP YOU UP!
>NOPE, WE’RE DONE HERE!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4947405
That's all for tonight, folks--definitely felt tired writing those last few posts! I'll be around on FRIDAY AT THE USUAL 11-12PM PST, though!

Thanks again for playing and Happy Almost Friday! Hope to see you next time!
>>
>>4947405
>WHAT WILL YOU BONEHEADS DO NOW?
>WAIT, DOES THAT MEAN THE MANSION’S ABANDONED?
>GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON NOT TO CHOP YOU UP!
>>
>>4947405
>GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON NOT TO CHOP YOU UP!
>>
>>4947405
>>GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON NOT TO CHOP YOU UP!

Get him and his pirates to declare loyalty to you.
>>
>>4947415
>>4947433
>>4947409
>GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON NOT TO CHOP YOU UP!

As I sip my coffee and read through the choices I gave you, I noticed that in my sleep-deprived idiotic mind all of the choices are almost the same--therefore I'm gonna try to ball up the ones you chose into one! WRITING!
>>
>>4947807
It's okay Bones, we always choose all of them anyways
>>
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Sorry, folks, another errand popped up right when I said I'd write...
You wave a hand at the professor and nod wearily. Yes, yes, you’ll grant them an audience in due time… First, however…

You scoot the chair a few hops closer to The Marquis, creating an intimidating screeching noise as its legs scrape the ground. Leaning in closer, you regard your captive with the SMUGGEST look you can manage, and you’ve had some practice! He’s been very generous with intel thus far, but you’ve got one other question you’d like to ask! Nodding his head enough to almost shake his feathered hat off, the skeleton gives you a genial, if not somewhat forced, smile!

“B-But of course! I am, ‘ow you say… Zee open book!”

Now that you think about it, you continue, it’s not so much a question as it is a request! Sensing a storm approaching on the horizon, The Marquis’ mustache visibly droops.

“I… I see…”


Is he ready?! Here goes: name ONE good reason why you shouldn’t grind him into powder! Aaaand GO!

The officer responds with a series of increasingly-distressed sputters. You and Professor Darby wait patiently as the captive’s monocle tumbles off of his eye and dangles from his pocket! Just when you’re about to call Art over so you can have a watch to impatiently stare at, a string of coherent words escape from the pirate’s mouth!

“M-MY BROZER! ANDRE! He can ‘elp you!”

Nodding vigorously, The Marquis’ smile fades when your expression remains unchanged. Oh wait, there it goes! It’s even MORE agitated now! Growling in annoyance, you ask him why the hell you need TWO skeletons with weird accents!

“A-Andre is on ze expedition I mentioned!” The Marquis counters! “Eef anyone knows ‘ow to signal ze MANATEE, eetz ‘eem!”

Even if you did find this guy’s brother, you groan, why the hell would he help you? Sounds like a lame excuse for a trap! Your captive nervously drums his bony fingers on the sword pinning him.

“W-well zat ees a justified concern…” Just when you’re about to kick his skull down the arena stairs, the skeleton’s mustache perks up with an idea!

“Of course! What eef I write eem a MEESIVE!!?

>CONTD.
>>
>>4947943
You respond with your classic eyeroll. What the hell is a ‘meeseeve’ anyways? This guy’s just making up words to stall--time to kill hi-

“I think he means a letter, cupcake!” Ly butts in. Oh, you reply, sheathing your claws. That might work, actually!

“Eef you give me somezeeng to write on an’ somezeeng to write with, I’ll give you a message zat my brozer can’t ignore! An’ if ‘ee’s dead, eet’ will still ‘ave my authority!”

You respond with a shrug--you were really looking forward to killing him, but that doesn’t sound like a bad deal to you! Besides, you can always take the letter and THEN kill him, right?

Both Darby and The Marquis give you a concerned look. Did you say that out loud again?

“Guess.” Ly sighs.

What you meant to say is, you stammer as you reach into your pockets, here’s some writing material! Plopping your ANDRE’S STEAKHOUSE MENU in your prisoner’s outstretched hand, you smile as he carefully inspects its contents with growing mirth.

“... Oh. Andre will love zis.”

Despite having one of the biggest inventories this side of /qst/, you can’t seem to track down a pen! Sensing trouble, Professor Darby quickly hands you a CLEARWATER UNIVERSITY PEN before you can cut your finger open!

“With my compliments!”

Handing over the writing implement to the prisoner, you watch as he scrawls a message next to the drink section of the menu. Ooh, Happy Hour from 4-6 Daily! You’re gonna have to check that out!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4947945
Moments later, your captive hands you back your MENU AND PEN, the former now covered in ALIEN MARKINGS! Furrowing your brow, you hand them both back to The Marquis! The hell is that?!

“... Eet ees French.” He replies with a hint of irritation in his voice. “My mother tongue.”

Ooooh no no no, you growl, shoving the items back into his hands! Does this LOOK like CANADA to him?! When the skeleton pauses to look around, you slam your fist on the chair’s armrest! NO! We kicked their toboggan-riding butts in the Civil War! We don’t speak Le French here--we speak AMERICAN!

The professor opens his mouth to say something, but quickly reconsiders as The Marquis grumpily writes another message in English next to the dessert section. Wait a minute--they’ve got S’MORES!?!

“Zere.” Huffs The Marquis as he hands you a new and improved LETTER! “‘Appy?”

Skimming through the new note which essentially boils down to “This is Stanley, help her, love Jean-Renault”, you nod--it’ll do. FOR BABIES!

Darby, Ly and all of your crew down below save for Art simultaneously shout “OOOOOOOH!” as you give your captive a smug grin.

“B-b-but what else can I give you?!” Stammers the skeleton! “My men are routed, ze fortress ees een shambles…”

Perfect, you nod--you’ll take ‘em all! As of now he and his men are the newest members of the CLEARWATER SANITATION COORDINATORS: the hippest new gang on the block dedicated to kickin’ ass and makin’ FAT STACKZ!

The Marquis stares at you with mixed feelings. “I… I don’t understand,” he mutters, “Y-you’d give us our lives?”

“Interesting choice.” Darby remarks, rubbing his ample chin thoughtfully. “His men have killed most of the staff and students, Parble… Are you sure about this?”

Relax, you huff, you’ve negotiated before! Besides, you’ve got it all planned out!

>HE AND HIS MEN WILL STICK AROUND AT THE COLLEGE REBUILDING AND MAKING AMENDS!
>HE AND HIS MEN WILL REPORT TO CLIFF, THE LEADER OF THE GREASERS!
>HE AND HIS MEN WILL LEAVE! JUST GO AND NEVER HARM A HUMAN AGAIN, JERKS!
>ON SECOND THOUGHT, MAYBE KILLING HIM IS A GOOD IDEA.
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4947948
>HE AND HIS MEN WILL REPORT TO CLIFF, THE LEADER OF THE GREASERS!
Pirates AND greasers? Man we got the coolest gang ever.
On that note, do they have any fat stashes of anything we need for those dudes. Also we haven't checked up with cliff for a while, I hope they are doing okay...
>>
>>4948001
support
there is no possible way this can go badly
none at all
>>
>>4947948
>>4948001

>>HE AND HIS MEN WILL REPORT TO CLIFF, THE LEADER OF THE GREASERS!

Supporting

Also theory: Not sure if this was already confirmed or if anyone proposed this theory but Stan's been contaminated with Wild Magic since birth. Could've happened to anyone but it managed to happen to Stan cause she's the MC.

It's also the reason why the fourth wall can be broken so easily and why sometimes the NPCS are aware of it-- because the contamination's so strong in Clearwater that it allows the NPCS a faint awareness of sorts to extradimensional happenings (such as the fourth wall)...
>>
>>4948030
Interesting theory, anon! Interesting INDEED!

>>4948001
>>4948004
>>4948030
>TALK TO CLIFF!
>ALSO ARE THERE ANY NEAT SIDEQUEST TRINKETS LYING AROUND?

Writing!
>>
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“You sure, kid?” Ly asks, shifting your bones around. “It ain’t gonna be easy gettin’ these guys ta’ play nice wit’ each other…”

You frown. That’s the point, dingus--the college people won’t have to deal with the pirates! Before your own skeleton can interrupt you AGAIN, you turn your attention back to The Marquis. Starting now he and his crew are OUTTA here, dig?

“B-but of course!” Nods the skeleton! “B-but where will we go, zen?”

Far away, you reply with a smirk. You hear the DRIVE-IN’S rather nice this time of year! Your captive takes a sip from his drink to steady himself.

“Wit ze slick-haired HOOLIGANS? But zere new leader is still fighting ze humans, non?”

You blink. Uh. Well erm… Sensing your flatfootedness, The Marquis chuckles.

“Ah… I SEE. And to theenk I assumed you were getting sloppy…”

He’ll be getting DEAD if he tries anything funny! Besides, it’s a win-win, right? He stays alive and you get some insider assistance! Mulling your words over in his skull, the monocled-skeleton nods.

“Indeed. It weel be difficult to escape ze Master’s eye, but as long as we make an effort to look… Busy...”

The officer takes another sip from his drink before cautiously extending his hand to you.

“So be eet. Zo eet ees limited by my current circumstances, I offer you allegiance on my honor.”

Taking his hand in yours, you give it a good shake as you pluck the cutlass from the wall. That’s that, then--if he even thinks of going against your-

“After being marooned in a wretched den of hedonism disguised as an academy?” The Marquis interrupts, straightening out his now-torn coat. “I am more your ally zen’ ze Captain’s. I assure you my men, eef they still remain loyal, will feel ze same…”

Leaning down to kiss your hand, the skeleton lets you go and straightens out his mustache. “An’ for what eet’s worth, I apologize for ze erm… ‘Entertainment.’”

You shrug. If you held a grudge against everyone who tried to kill you, you wouldn’t have any friends left! Laughing heartily, the officer pats you on the shoulder.

“Ahh… I can tell zis agreement will be quite lucrative…”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4948090
Unsure of what that word means, the mention of Cliff and The Greasers jogs your mind another way--retrieving your PARTY SHOPPING LIST from your pockets, you hold it out for your new ally to take a look at.

“Ugh,” He scoffs, turning where his nose used to be upwards, “Eet eez no wonder you were able to fight back--my men ‘ardly looted your belongings…”

Yea, they really oughta work on that! Anywho, does he know where you could find any of that stuff? The Greasers are gonna throw a big housewarming party and you’ll need all of these to be the big hero! Studying the list, the officer hands you back the paper and shakes his head.

“Pardon, but we are strangers to thees land--in ze time we cruised zis coast eet was noseeng more zan trees…”

“If I may,” Professor Darby cuts in, “I’m certain there’s a RECORD STORE in THE QUAD. If it hasn’t been demolished, you might want to check there first.”

Nodding in appreciation, you spot your pals down below chatting up some of the hostages as a few unfamiliar survivors arrive from Talbot’s impromptu entrance. Seeing his chances dwindle, The Marquis creeps towards the exit.

“I theenk zis is a good time for my men and I to leave… We will contact thees ‘Cleef’ of yours, Madame Parble. Until zen, adieu.”

Extending a claw his way as a grim reminder of what happens to traitors, you turn your attention to the arena now completely vacant of living, homicidal skeletons.

Taking in the fresh air, you ponder your next move as your new pal skitters away into the darkness.

>FIND THAT RECORD STORE!
>TALK TO PROFESSOR DARBY!
>RECONVENE WITH YOUR PALS!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4948091
>FIND THAT RECORD STORE!
Lets make sure we double check that Cliff isn't going back to more Skeletal ways in our absence, we can do that when we get all the stuff for the list done. Also lets make sure we get our weapons and such back before we head out.
>>
>>4948091
>>FIND THAT RECORD STORE!
>>
>>4948103
>>4948114
>RECORD RECON!

Writing!
>>
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Opting to track down the RECORD STORE, you relate your choice to the professor.

“I understand, Parble! Much to do, no time to do it! I believe it’s called ‘BROKEN RECORD.’ Should be next to the ZOOM MART.

You give Darby a quick ‘thanks!’ before scampering down the steps to the arena proper. As you hop into the damp playing field, you’re met by Talbot who promptly picks you up and carrys you over to the growing commotion. Reaching the cart that carried you during the battle, you watch with interest as students, security, and staff quietly drag away your opponent’s remains as your pals are mobbed by new fans! While Syb signs autographs and Gus shows off his ride to a small crowd, Mitzi and the Film Crew observe Art from a safe distance as one of the hostages gushes over him!

“The way you rode in… It was like… You were a KNIGHT or something!” Sputters the girl with green bangs! “Do they teach you that stuff in Guard Training?!

“Erm… Not really...” Art mutters, not making eye contact. What a dork, you mutter to Talbot! Dude can’t even take off his mask!

“All-Natural, huh?” The girl giggles, exchanging glances with her fellow hostage. “You know, we could use someone like you around here! Did you say you were a student, or-”

“N-nah…” Art interrupts. “Just a local…”

SUMMER!

You and the green-banged girl whip around towards the source of the voice you heard back in the dorms! Esteban, the guy who repaired the window, approaches smiling with a group of unfamiliar students and staff! Giving Art one last smile, Summer rushes over to him and leaps into his outstretched arms!

“I thought you were gone!” He gasps, holding her tight! Kissing him on the lips, Summer points her finger your way.

“These guys rescued us! She did most of the fighting, but they all took care of the skeletons!”

“Is that so?

The question comes not from Esteban, but from the middle of the crowd in a voice that sounds anything but friendly. Parting to the side like barn doors, the students make way for a tall, long-haired girl with a bitter look on her scowling face.

“Oh shit...” Tucker hisses from behind you. “It’s her…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4948245
Before you can ask for more info, Eddie pushes past you and over to her with a look of complete and utter confusion.

“L…Leah?

He hesitates for a moment before wrapping her in his embrace, but the tender moment is cut short by the loud crack of a slap!

“You son of a bitch.

Staggering backwards clutching his cheek, Eddie looks back at you and the gang before laughing it off.

“Heheh… Okay, I guess I deserved that, hu-”

A second slap rings throughout the arena, silencing the crowd.

“You’re not even close to paying up, Eddie. Not. Even. CLOSE.

Glancing your way, the girl’s icy stare relaxes a bit.

“We heard what you did, and we’re thankful for it. That said…” She trails off, staring daggers at Eddie, “I’m sorry, but we have to address a few things.”

Looks like your trip to the record store is on hold… Patting Talbot on the head, you watch silently as Eddie breaks the silence.

“Leah, I…” He begins in a voice uncharacteristically shaky, “I thought you were dead...”

“I almost was.” Leah retorts as she crosses her arms. “It’s a good thing the others came to look for me, huh?”

“Y-yea!” Eddie stammers, forcing a smile! “Listen, we were going t-”

“Don’t give me that CRAP!” The girl spits as she advances on Ed’s position! “You and your little pals knew exactly what you were going to do, and none of it involved us, did it?!”

Peering past Ed at Tucker, Leah jabs a finger his way!

“Don’t even try to hide, Tucker! I know you and Kiki were the brains of the operation!”

Watching things unfold, you reach an impasse--do you step in here? What would a leader do?

>WATCH SILENTLY--THIS IS THEIR CONVERSATION!
>ASK WHAT THE HELL’S GOING ON! SHE CAN’T JUST SHOUT AT THEM!
>STEP IN AND TELL HER TO BACK THE HELL OFF!
>RALLY THE TROOPS AND JUST LEAVE. YOU’VE GOT SHIT TO DO.
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4948246
>>STEP IN AND TELL HER TO BACK THE HELL OFF!

What do you think you're doing with MY henchman?!
>>
>>4948246
>>STEP IN AND TELL HER TO BACK THE HELL OFF!
>>
>>4948267
>>4948268
>STEP IN AND STEP OFF!
WRITING!
>>
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A leader would leap heroically off of her bodyguard’s massive shoulders and come to the aid of her cronies, so that’s exactly what you do! Landing between Ed and his uh… friend, you stomp right over to her proverbial ‘grill’ and poke a finger in her face! You’ve got no clue who the heck she is, but if anyone’s gonna shout at Eddie and the others, it’s YOU!

“What?” She replies, her hateful gaze giving way to confusion! Did you stutter?! Jabbing your thumb towards the three film students behind you, you lock eyes with the girl and growl--those three have been helping you take the fight to the skeletons ever since you picked them up! Who the hell is she to treat them like crap!?

“Why don’t you ask them, then?!” She fires back, regaining her flame! “Or did they omit that too? Cinematic geniuses--omit all the bad parts and embellish the good ones!”

“Calm down, Stan.” Eddie interrupts in a hollow, defeated tone. “She’s… She’s not exactly wrong.

Surprised, you glance back at Eddie and cock your head to the side--what’s that supposed to mean? Who is this anyways?! Responding with a deep breath, Ed looks you in the eyes with determination.

“Leah’s… She’s my girlfriend.

WAS.” Leah interjects as she crosses her arms. “Until I was captured, apparently.”

Confusion creeps across your face as your stance relaxes a bit. Come again?

“We’d been dating for a while.” Eddie explains, choosing his words carefully. “When all of this shit hit the fan, a lot of people thought about leaving.”

“Your friend Tucker included.” Leah snaps.

“Y-yeah.” Eddie nods, trading ashamed looks with Tucker. “I wanted to go looking for family, but she uh… She didn’t.”

“I DID!” Leah shouts, her voice cracking from the strain! “We all did! But if we all left to track down our loved ones, we’d be picked off one by one!”

“But we needed supplies.” Tucker explains, cautiously approaching the conversation. “So when the time came to track some down-”

“We volunteered.” Eddie mutters under his breath. “So did Leah.”

“As you can probably imagine,” Leah sighs, “That didn’t go so well. We weren’t well-equipped and we were still shocked--not every day you find yourself fighting skeleton pirates.

“So when we went to THE QUAD, it went about as well as you’d expect.” Tucker continues. “We lost a lot of people on that first run--Leah included.”

You frown. Shit happens--what’s that got to do with Eddie, Tucker, and Kiki?

“What indeed?” Leah retorts, giving the ex-looters a withering glare.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4948347
I voted to leave right then and there, but Tucker and Eddie didn’t dare…” Kiki joins the circle too, not daring to look at Eddie’s girlfriend.

“It was a perfect opportunity.” Tucker admits, bringing Kiki close in a one-armed embrace. “If we’d left then, we would have been marked gone. Simple.”

But?

“But we didn’t.” Tucker snaps. “Eddie was a mess, pirates were everywhere, Kiki and I were totally out of our element--we ended up falling back to the dorm with what little we found.”

“When we got back, we all assumed the worst.” Eddie mumbles. “Me especially. We already saw what happened to people who got caught.”

“I thought I was gone too.” Leah adds in a quivering voice. “I don’t know how long they kept me in one of the Engineering Labs before some of the others rescued me.”

As she continues speaking, anger returns to her voice. “And that’s when I heard the news.”

“Ed had no one left.” Tucker utters quietly. “Kiki and I were done. The night after Leah was captured, we gathered some supplies and ran.”

“The group’s supplies, I might add.” Leah snarls! “Weapons, ammunition, food, even medicine!

“... Yea.” Tucker nods. “We weren’t planning on going back, and we definitely didn’t expect…”

“You.” Eddie concludes, looking at his ex with misty eyes. “I’m sorry, Leah… I know it doesn’t make things right, but-”

“But you found a new group to peddle your ‘Sickeningly Cheerful’ crap to.” Leah spits. “How convenient.

“What the hell do you want me to say?!” Eddie shouts in an incredulous tone! “We made our choice and now it’s coming back to bite our asses! So now what?! You gonna take it out on her?!”

It takes you a moment to realize he’s looking at you.

“Stan’s the best damn chance we have of stopping this whole thing! I don’t know for certain, but I believe it!”

Tucker steps forward to his side.

“I made my choice. I’d rather die trying to fix things than sit around here waiting for a miracle!”

Kiki approaches too with a look of determination shining through her thick bangs!

For better or worse, we met with Stan--If she can’t fix things, no one can!

As the crowd turns its attention your way, you find yourself at a loss for words…

>LEAH’S RIGHT THOUGH. THAT WAS STUPID OF YOU.
>THESE THREE ARE MAKING AMENDS WITH ME. LAY OFF.
>WHAT DO YOU WANT, EXACTLY? AN APOLOGY?
>FUCK Y’ALL. WE’RE OUT.
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4948349
>>FUCK Y’ALL. WE’RE OUT.

Peace out, dawgs.
>>
Whoops, forgot to mention this'll be the last post of the night--playing some games with a few pals! We'll be back around the usual 11-12PM PST ON SATURDAY, though! Thanks as always for playing along and hope you have a great weekend!
>>
>>4948349
>WRITE-IN!
>FUCK YOUR PAST! YOU ARE HERE NOW AND SHITS GONNA BE DIFFERENT!
I don't give a shit what cans of soup and tylenol Eddie stole. They are here now, and part of Gang Stan. We got the resources and the power, all we got is forward.
>>
>>4948359
>>4948368
>I'M GUESSING WE'RE LEANING TOWARDS 'FUCK YOU WE OUTTIE'

PUTTIN' EM TOGETHER!

Writing!
>>
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It doesn’t take long for you to find them, though! Seeing the resolve in your Film School Recruit’s faces, you turn to face Leah again with a confident grin on your face! You don’t care if they stole ‘BOO-BOO NO HURT NO MORE’ spray or whatever crappy college chow they eat--these three are part of the CLEARWATER SANITATION COORDINATORS now, and that means they’re YOURS!

“Fine,” Leah begins, “You want to play gang-”

You weren’t finished, damn it! That means that whatever they pulled before doesn’t matter any more--the past is in the past, and in the present they just stopped a GIANT CRAB from eating everyone!

Poking one last accusatory finger at her chest, you finish up with one last growl: if she wants to play ‘jilted lover’, she can do it on her own time! If she wants to let off some steam, there’s plenty more skeletons to direct it at! Team Stan is OVER this place!

Waving your team forward in the universal symbol for ’Let’s Go’, you tap your foot impatiently as your pals get ready to leave. Somewhat dejected, Gus promptly writes a web address on an old pizza receipt and hands it to one of his new fans.

“Mechanical tips, bike stunts, it’s all on my MeTube, bro.”

Picking up a hastily-made ramp, he retreats to his bike as Mitzi appears at your side with a CLEARWATER U BACKPACK.

“Found this on one of the pirates, Stan. Looks like your kit.”

Not taking your eyes off of Leah, you politely take the bag and empty its contents into your pockets before dropping it on the ground. Thanks.

“No prob.” Mitzi replies, leaving you two to your staring contest as she creeps back to the van.

“You want them? Take them.” Leah hisses. “And when they leave you for dead, just remember those cute little friendship speeches they just made.”

You’ll remember whatever you FEEL like! You snarl! With one last ‘hmph, Leah glances at Eddie’s scowling face.

“Goodbye, Eddie. Don’t come back.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” He retorts. With that his ex disappears into the slowly-dissipating crowd, revealing a nervous-looking Professor Darby.

“Erm… Didn’t want to interrupt, but I’m still grateful for what you and your team did, Parble. If there’s anything I can do to help, don’t hesitate to ask--I’ll be in here for a while longer analyzing some of these remains…”

“Dat’s RIGHT!” Ly gasps. “We were gonna hit dat’ RECORD STORE, yea? Cripes, I could use some air…”

You could too. The question is, could anyone else? Could be some good one-on-one time!

>WHO DO YOU BRING TO THE RECORD STORE? CHOOSE ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING:
>ART
>SYB
>MITZI
>TUCKER
>EDDIE
>KIKI
>GUS
>TALBOT
>>
>>4948835

>EDDIE
>ART
>TALBOT
>>
>>4948846
This but also Gus, I just feel like he has good music taste
>>
>>4948835
>SYB
>GUS
>EDDIE
>>
>>4948962
>>4948846
>>4948835

I’ll add this to my vote
>>
>>4948846
>>4948962
>>4948963
>EDDIE: 3
>ART: 2
>TALBOT: 2
>GUS: 3
>SYB: 1

Let's bring ART, GUS, TALBOT, and EDDIE then. Writing!
>>
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Calling Art, Gus, Talbot, and Eddie’s names like you’re taking them to soccer practice, you motion towards the new entryway. You’re gonna track down this RECORD SHOP and you’ll probably need some burly guys to help lift! They’ll have to do!

“Understood.” Syb nods. “We’ll bring the van over to you when you’re ready.”

Out of the four you choose, Gus and Talbot are the only ones who really react--the latter taking position at your side, the former hopping onto his bike and hitting the ignition.

“Anyone want a ride?”

“Er… Sure.” Art answers, turning towards Eddie expectantly. When the film student doesn’t respond, Art clears his throat.

“Uh… Unless you wanna ride, man.”

Nah.” Eddie grunts, prompting Art to hop into Gus’ sidecar. Getting comfortable, the security guard sends a nod your way.

“You guys can just follow us--we know the way.”

And follow you do! Placing both you and Ed on his shoulders, Talbot trots behind Gus, much to the confusion of the students and staff setting out to rebuild.

You’re about to break the silence when Ed does it for you: “So,” he croaks, throat still dry from the encounter in the arena, “that’s CLEARWATER U for ya... “ Forcing a smile your way, he takes a deep breath and lets it out. “You think that was bad, wait until you see the Gen Ed Requirements…

Your ever-faithful FEMININE INTUITION tells you Eddie’s trying to distract you--the question is, how do you respond?

>ASK IF HE’S OKAY!
>TALK SHIT ABOUT HIS EX! GUYS LOVE THAT!
>ASK HIM ABOUT HOW COLLEGE USED TO BE!
>REMIND HIM THAT YOU’RE IN THE PRESENT NOW!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4949046
>ASK HIM ABOUT HOW COLLEGE USED TO BE!
So tempted to needle him about his ex, but I don't wanna go there
>>
>>4949046
>>ASK HIM ABOUT HOW COLLEGE USED TO BE!
>>
>>4949051
>>4949059
>HOW WAS COLLEGE BEFORE THE DRAMA?

Writing!
>>
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Sidestepping the sizable elephant in the proverbial room, you instead ask Eddie how college was back when skeletons were mere Halloween decorations!

“It was uh… It was fun.” Replies the film student, his smile becoming slightly less forced. “There was something exciting about heading to a new class for the first time--sure, the professor might be a jerk or the subject material is boring, but when I was sitting in those lecture halls I really felt like…” He pauses, searching the ashen sky for answers. “... I dunno, like I was on my way somewhere. Like I was writing a new chapter of my life.”

Eddie sighs, then looks at you sheepishly. “I know, it sounds pretty dumb.”

You shrug in response--it’s all new to you! Ever since you started working at GOOD BOY you always wondered what it’d be like at CLEARWATER U.

“Probably not as glamorous as you thought it’d be, huh?” Eddie laughs, loosening up a little. “I think it’s the people who really stood out for me. I had pals back in High School, but college? You never know who you’re gonna meet.”

Like Tucker and Kiki, you grunt.

“Yep. Tuck’s been my roommate for a year now--I’ll never forget when we first met…” Eddie looks upwards again with a goofy look on his face. “I arrived late that day, so when I got to our dorm there was this complete stranger plastering a Third Essence movie poster on the door. Guy looked at me like I just handed him a bag of dog crap or something!”

His eyes return to you. “So there I am with my mom and uncle, all of us stacked with my crap, and Tuck notices me staring at the poster, so he says “Got a problem?””

Adjusting your grip on Talbot’s shoulder, you grin. What happened next?

“I told him the truth!” Eddie laughs! “Told him that Third Essence was overrated as crap and not even Brasson’s best film! You can guess how that went!”

You groan as flashbacks of their back-of-the-van debates rush through your head. Yep.

“By the time we finished arguing, I finally noticed my bags just lying in the hall!” Eddie continues, shaking his head with a smile. “Turns out my mom and uncle went to grab coffee down at THE QUAD! Luckily Tuck knew where it was…”

Eddie pauses to stretch his back a bit, then continues. “Kiki was there with her mom too. Didn’t know it at the time, but that coffee shop was where our legend began…” He jokes, punctuating the story with a wistful laugh. “That’s uh… That’s how college is. There’s a few papers to write, too, and a ton of tests, but yea.”

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4949310
You respond with a thoughtful ‘hm’. Doesn’t sound bad when he explains it like that!

“What can I say? I’m a wordsmith.” Eddie chuckles. “You’re pretty sneaky, you know that? Making me feel better with a question?”

You shrug--you’re not just a pretty face! The student looks like he’s about to say something, but pauses.

“Hey, uh… Can I ask you a question?”

Shoot!

“If you did go to college, what would you study, anyways?”

What say you?
>NO CLUE, MAN. NO CLUE.
>DOCTOR SHIT! YOU WANNA SAVE LIVES!
>ANIMAL THINGS! MAYBE YOU COULD BE A ZOOKEEPER OR SOMETHING!
>SCIENCE CRAP!
>ENGINEERING STUFF! YOU LIKE GAMES!
>WRITE-IN
>>
Gonna play some games with some pals, so I'll check back in later! If I don't, I'll update again around SUNDAY IN THE AFTERNOON! See ya then!
>>
>>4949313

>WRITE-IN

Business! If anyone knows the art of the deal, it's Stan!

>verification not required
>the thread approves
>>
>>4949313
>ANIMAL THINGS! MAYBE YOU COULD BE A ZOOKEEPER OR SOMETHING!
>>
>>4949313
>ENGINEERING STUFF! YOU LIKE GAMES!
>>
>>4949313
>ENGINEERING STUFF! YOU LIKE GAMES!
>>
>>4949318
>BIDNESS

>>4949341
>ANIMAL STUFF!

>>4949641
>>4949649
>GIRL CODE

WRITING
>>
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That’s easy, you reply with a twinkle in your eye! You’d study VIDEO GAMES! Making them, that is! Eddie and Talbot stare at you with bemusement on their faces.

“Art and Gus mentioned you liked video games…” Eddie nods. “That’s a lot of coding, though, right?”

You respond with an exaggerated ‘pssssh’! How hard can it be? Besides, you’ve got a lot of good game ideas--maybe you can be that jerk who just bosses the code monkeys around, or something!

“Heh, m-maybe!” Eddie laughs as he fails to look you in the eyes. “Oh hey, there it is!”

Following your fellow shoulder-rider’s gaze, you look in awe at the massive plaza ahead of you lined with several trendy, albeit burnt-out storefronts and buildings. A platoon of safety-conscious students and staff douse the remains of the bonfire that dwarfed the whole plaza while several others take pictures next to the charred remains of the dragon Ly ‘borrowed’. Absorbed in their tasks, the college-dwellers barely give your entourage a passing glance as Gus parks his bike in front of the STUDENT STORE- or what’s left of it.

Dismounting Talbot next to them, you take a moment to take in the sights, then cock your head in Eddie and Art’s direction. They’re the locals--where’s this BROKEN RECORD of theirs?

“This way!” Eddie orders, stabbing a finger further down the way. “Come on!”

“Didn’t he say Tucker worked as the tour guide?” Art mutters under his breath.

“He looks happier.” Gus remarks with a shrug. “Thanks, Stan.”

Yea, yea… You oughta charge by the minute!

Despite all the commotion in THE QUAD, the record store is hardly the center of attention. Stepping over a carpet of broken glass and ash on the ground, Eddie politely pulls the door open for you, sending it creaking off of its hinges and toppling to the pavement. Giving the ex-door a good, long stare, the student quickly regains his smile and gestures for you to enter.

“Ladies first!”

Damn straight!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4950313
Leading the charge, you, Gus, Art, and Eddie enter a spacious, albeit dark room dominated by several rows marked by several signs covered in hand-drawn illustrations relating to their specific music genre. OLDIES, CLASSICAL, JAZZ, PUNK, RAP/HIP-HOP, CLASSIC ROCK, ELECTRONIC, COUNTRY, and countless more line the aisles, each rack stuffed with CDS AND VINYL RECORDS! Score!

“You think this’ll be enough for the party?” Art asks as Talbot squeezes through the entrance. Yea, you grin, this oughta do nicely.

“What kind of music do they like?” Gus muses, picking up a record from the JAZZ rack. You open your mouth to reply, but your answer dies in your throat. What DO they like?

“Oldies, right?” Art suggests, pointing towards the row in the back. “Rockabilly stuff?”

“Maybe they’d like something new though!” Eddie retorts, sifting through the PUNK section. “If I died and came back years later, first thing I’d do is see what new stuff is on the radio!”

They’ve got a point… And you have a TALBOT. You could always just move the store’s wares somewhere safe for Paulie to pick up…

What’s the plan?
>LET’S GATHER UP THE OLDIES! STICK WITH THE TRIED-AND-TRUE!
>WE SHOULD TRY SOMETHING NEW! THEY’D PROBABLY LIKE (CHOOSE 1 OR MORE GENRE!)
>LET’S LISTEN TO SOME STUFF FIRST! (CHOOSE 1 OR MORE GENRE!)
>WHY DON’T WE JUST CALL THEM AND FIND OUT?
>TALBOT, JUST START TAKING ALL OF IT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4950319

Jazz and swing-- 50's and 60's for the greasers, but I doubt they'd be opposed to stuff like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2S1I_ien6A
>>
Hey all, keep on voting, but I've got some news to share:

My job's starting back up in about a week or so and this coming week will be training and meetings. What that means for BONES QUEST is that we're gonna go back to the original 5-6PM PST update schedule starting MONDAY, AKA TOMORROW.

I've got some prep to do for work, so I'm gonna sign off for now--if I don't check in later in the evening you can expect an update around the time I mentioned above.

There are a few days this week where I don't have to go into the office, so you can expect a few more updates on those days. I'll let you know accordingly!

Apologies for the short notice and the change in timing--we got pretty far this Summer, but I know less-frequent updates sucks. Thanks for tuning in and I hope to give you all some good updates later on MONDAY!
>>
>>4950319
>WE SHOULD TRY SOMETHING NEW! THEY’D PROBABLY LIKE (CHOOSE 1 OR MORE GENRE!)
A mixture of Surf Rock, and some punk music. Like THE DECEASED ROOSEVELTS
>>
>>4950355
>>4950457
>>4950319

>>TALBOT, JUST START TAKING ALL OF IT!

This might actually be the most effective thing to do here. We let the Greasers try a little bit of everything.
>>
>>4950319
>TALBOT, JUST START TAKING ALL OF IT!
>>
>>4950319
>TALBOT, JUST START TAKING ALL OF IT!
>>
>>4950457
>TRY SOME NEW SHIT, BOOMERS

>>4950469
>>4950826
>>4950832
>LET'S JUST GRAB IT ALL!

Writing!
>>
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It’s no use! Looking at all of these genres just makes your head spin, and when your head spins you get ANGRY!

“If it’s going to make you angry, just go with the stuff that wo-”

Shut up, Art! You’re thinking! Tapping your foot impatiently as you try and fail to make a choice, you and the others are interrupted by the clatter of plastic behind you! Whirling around, you spot Talbot fussing over a recently-broken CD case. TALBOT! Sensing your dismay, the giant promptly lifts the nearest display and sweeps the remains of the case underneath it.

“... Guess we’re not taking that one.” Gus grunts as he and the others continue perusing the shelves. You, on the other hand…. You’ve got a PLAN! Snapping your finger dramatically, you shout “THAT’S IT!” loud enough for everyone to hear!

“W-what is?!” Eddie asks in a concerned tone! You cover your mouth to hide a giggle--looks like you’ve got him hook, line, and stinger!

“Don’t encourage her.” Art groans as he crosses his arms. “What is it, Stan? Hurry.”

Spoilsport. Crossing your arms as well, you cock your head in Talbot’s direction as he stands frozen holding the stand up. Why should you decide? Why not just take it all and let the boneheads sort through it?

“... You really want Talbot to systematically carry every aisle outside on the off-chance HAULIE PAULIE and his skeleton pals can pick it all up in the middle of campus? A campus populated expressly by people who just dealt with a skeleton siege?”

You frown. Well if he describes it like that, of course it’s gonna sound bad! As Art closes the gap to flick your forehead, Gus steps in between the two of you and points towards the door.

“Why don’t we just load ‘em in the van?”

“Hey, yea!” Eddie nods, peeking out behind Gus’ beefy arm! “We can just drop it off somewhere for safe pickup when we leave!”

Lowering his finger with a defeated sigh, Art replies with a shrug. “That… Actually might work. Gonna be pretty cramped back there, but…”

“It doesn’t have to be that far!” Eddie reassures him! “We drop it off near the entrance to campus and it’ll be fine!”

All of that is exactly what you were gonna say if Art let you finish! Speaking of, you continue with a smug grin, could he be a doll and track down the others?

“... It’d be a pleasure.” He sighs before tromping out of the store. As you watch him leave, you spot Gus giving you a look out of the corner of your vision. Yeeees?

“You owe me one.”

Like HELL!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4951974
“Aaaaaand just a little more.”

Placing the last of the record stands in the back of the van with a satisfied grunt that would make any bodybuilder proud, Talbot turns to face you and the others and bows. Unfortunately he’s still figuring out the whole ‘bowing’ thing, so what he considers a bow is really just him bending his knees a little.

Syb and Tucker lead the charge with some polite applause, but some of the others aren’t as pleased!

“The heck are you bowing for?” Art asks, crossing his arms and frowning at Mitzi’s reclining form atop the van.

“I helped.” She fires back as she stretches her back.

“All you did was say ‘just a little more’ a few times.” Art explains, prompting Mitzi to wave him away.

“Exactly. I helped. So did Kiki.” She shrugs, gesturing to Kiki sitting next to her. “She did the hand gestures.”

“Um, excuse me?”

Before the debate can continue, you’re interrupted by a tap of a spindly finger on your shoulder. Going into ATTACK MODE in case it’s Denise, you quickly sheathe your BONE CLAWS when you’re instead greeted by a lanky student with a disheveled man-bun and a band shirt you can recognize. YES? you reply, cocking your head to the side expectantly.

“You uh… You can’t do that.” The student remarks as he points a finger towards your fully-loaded van.

“It’s cool, bro--RIP’S ridin’ with me.” Gus reassures him as he points to the RIP KORD CUTOUT sitting in his bike’s sidecar. “As it was meant to be.”

Yea, you add, if Gus wants to get creepy with the cutout, that’s his choice! Ignoring the nods of agreement from your crew, the student shakes his head.

“N-no, I mean the music. You can’t just take all of it.”

That earns a frown from you. Why the heck not?

“Just like… Save some for the rest of us, man.” The student counters, crossing his arms! “Don’t be a dick.”

Talbot?

The Giant stands at attention.

The Trick.

Picking up a phonebook-sized textbook left forgotten on the pavement, your bodyguard quickly tears it into strips like toilet paper. Watching the pages flutter away in the wind, the student’s lip slowly starts to quiver.

“R-r-real mature...”

Scurrying off into the shadows, you’re left with a van full of SWEET VINYLS! Now you just have to drop them somewhere off-campus!

“Da’ question is, though,” Ly thinks aloud, “Are we all done here?”

“Good question, Ly!” Syb nods before looking your way expectantly.

ARE YOU DONE?
>NOPE, YOU WANNA TALK TO THE PROFESSOR!
>NEIN, YOU WANNA CHECK THE DEAN’S MANSION!
>NYET, YOU WANNA VISIT ANOTHER COLLEGE BUILDING (WHICH ONE?)
>YEP! LET’S GET MOVIN’!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
Sorry all, today was a bit more crazy than I expected and this might be the one update for tonight since it's already kinda late.

Here's the good news, though: I should be able to fire off a few more updates TUESDAY AROUND 10-11AM PST! I know it isn't much, but I'd rather write when I'm more awake and I'm already feelin' it.

Thanks for being patient AND for playing! Should have more for you tomorrow!
>>
>>4951975
>NEIN, YOU WANNA CHECK THE DEAN’S MANSION!
Its all good my man, you got a bit of workload on your plate. Real life is always gonna take priority over this, which is as it should. If you can sneak a talbot into your schoolwork though that would be like 100+ cool points
>>
>>4951975
>>NEIN, YOU WANNA CHECK THE DEAN’S MANSION!

>>4951979
>>4951980

What above said-- take it easy and focus on real-life stuff, git-er-done, and all that jazz. Nothing good ever comes from over-doing it and feeling absolutely wiped!
>>
>>4951975
>NEIN, YOU WANNA CHECK THE DEAN’S MANSION!
>>
>>4951975
>NEIN, YOU WANNA CHECK THE DEAN’S MANSION!
>>
>>4951980
Operation 'Talbot on the Test' is go!

>>4952001
Seriously though, thanks for understanding--I don't see a need to put the quest on hold or anything, but I have a feeling updates are gonna get a little more sparse.

>>4951980
>>4952001
>>4952031
>>4952093
>SPEAKING OF UPDATES, LET'S CRASH THE DEAN'S PLACE!

Writing!
>>
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Not even close, you reply with a mischievous grin! Professor Darby mentioned that the Dean went missing, so you wanna check out his MANSION!

“Intriguing!” Syb grins, rubbing her chin. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to investigate.”

“And,” Eddie adds, “If we find The Dean, we’ll be heroes!

Currently Enrolled heroes.” Tucker smiles. “Good call, Stan.”

You were just gonna loot the place, but yea, all of that other stuff they just said sounds cool too! Hopping onto Talbot’s shoulder, you look at your team expectantly. Lock and load, everyone! Time is money! Your call to action is rewarded with a sea of confused and bored stares. C-come on, you whine! L-let’s go!

“How?” Tucker asks, gesturing to the van stuffed with VINYL RECORDS. “It’s a bit cramped back there.”

They can hang on the side, duh! Sheesh, these guys couldn’t think outside the box to save their lives! Just when Eddie and Kiki move to climb the side of the van, Tucker’s face lights up with an idea!

“Wait a minute, guys!” He shouts! “I’ve got a PLAN!

That earns a raised eyebrow from you. A plan, huh? Tucker responds with a devious chuckle. “I used to be a Tour Guide here, and I might remember where a few keys are hidden…”

Hell yea! Insider perks!

>CONTD.
>>
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ONE PLAN LATER….

“Would it kill you to drive faster!?”

Peering from the safety of Talbot’s shoulder over at the GOLF CART chugging up the hill you frown--what’s the issue now?

“Art’s driving like an’ old lady!” Mitzi groans from the passenger’s seat as she gives Art a pointed look. Syb, Kiki, and Tucker sit quietly in the back while Eddie hangs from the side, the latter looking way more excited than he should be.

“These things aren’t supposed to carry this many people!” He snarls back, pressing the gas pedal to the metal! “Just get out and walk!”

“No way!” Mitzi growls as she reclines in her seat. “Get Tuck or Eddie to do it!”

“You sure there ain’t room in your ride, Gus?” Eddie asks as the delivery man keeps pace with his bike. Without even answering, Gus points a meaty finger at the RIP KORD cutout in the sidecar. “Occupied.”

Just when you’re about to bust some heads, you all reach the top of the hill where a STATELY TWO-STORY MANOR sits surprisingly undamaged amidst a copse of leafless trees, dying grass, and an ancient, albeit sturdy black iron fence. The entrance is dominated by an enormous fountain topped with a statue of an unfamiliar person, and behind the Victorian masonry you can almost make out what appears to be some kind of HEDGE MAZE in the back. Yea, this place is a vandal’s wet dream!

“No toilet paper from da’ trees or anything!” Ly remarks as you both take in the sights.

“So,” Tucker begins, “You said The Dean just disappeared, right, Stan?”

That’s what the Professor said, at any rate. No clue what that means, though.

“Maybe he’s got a bunker of his own!” Eddie suggests. “Dude’s got a lot of money, right? He could pull it off.”

“Hate to interrupt your theories, but I’m sensing some peculiar energy coming from that place.” Syb mutters as she rubs her temples. “I doubt it’s a LIEUTENANT, but still…”

“Stay alert, gotcha.” Art nods, adjusting his helmet before looking your way. “What’s the plan, boss?”

>LET’S JUST HEAD IN THE FRONT!
>MAYBE WE SHOULD PEEK IN THROUGH THE BACK.
>MAXIMUM CAUTION: LET’S LOOK FOR A WAY IN VIA THE ROOF!
>TOO SPOOKY. L-LET’S GET OUTTA HERE!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4952484
>MAYBE WE SHOULD PEEK IN THROUGH THE BACK.
>>
>>4952484
>MAYBE WE SHOULD PEEK IN THROUGH THE BACK.
>>
>>4952486
>>4952498
>GHOST RUN, GO!

Writing!
>>
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You’re no MAGICAL GOTH like Syb, though you did go through a quick Goth phase back in Middle School, but you can agree that something feels mighty funky about this place! Funkiness begets caution, of course, so after spending a moment staring at the manse, you motion for your gang to follow you and circumvent the dwelling via the trees surrounding it!

“You feel it too, don’t you?” Syb asks, tromping through the bushes next to you in her tall, black boots. “A disturbance.

You nod. You’re not too keen on magical crap unless it works for you!

“Beneficial magic’s the rarest kind, I’m afraid.” Syb sighs, pushing a low branch out of her way with an invisible hand. “Caution’s the best policy.”

“Now that you mention it,” Tucker interjects, approaching you both from behind, “The Dean always was pretty reclusive. He showed up to events, of course, but never for that long.”

“What if he’s a VAMPIRE?” Eddie jokes, prompting a round of hard looks. “... What?”

“Given our luck so far, I wouldn’t joke about that.” Art mutters as he trips over a root. “Speaking of luck, it seems like a bad time to be an authority figure in CLEARWATER, huh?”

“You can say that again.” Mitzi grunts. “When all the shit hit the fan I assumed the town’s head honchos would be the safest.” The guard pauses to look your way. “Guess that’s not the case, huh?”

Not if what your boss SONNY said is true, you muse. The Chief of Police, the National Guard Commander… Pretty sure some of the workers at City Hall went missing too!

“Don’t forget da’ School Principal!” Ly adds! “An’ he had dat’ FREAKY AMULET in his drawer!”

You frown. If the last few days have taught you anything, it’s that coincidences are in short supply… Your boss’ paranoia is becoming more justified by the day!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4952577
Emerging from the treeline in the back of the villa, you and your team arrive at a vine-choked section of the cast-iron fence with a vantage point of the back yard. Several gazebos line an overgrown garden, its flowers and vines encroaching on the tile walkways networked throughout. One of said walkways snakes into a massive hedge maze culminating in a large metal gate.

“Cool maze.” Mitzi remarks as Talbot watches with interest. What’s cool about it? That thing isn’t keeping anyone out being that far away!

“Pretty sure it’s decorative, Stan.” Art explains as he pokes the fence with the business-end of his rifle. “Anyone see an entrance?”

“A few.” Gus grunts, pointing towards the back of the house. “Windows, back porch, the usual.”

He ain’t wrong. A potted-plant-lined staircase leads upwards into a set of carved-wood doors leading into the house. Moreover, several windows sit at ‘B&E’ level, though the majority are covered by drawn curtains and shutters.

“You think anybody’s home?” Gus asks, cocking his head to the side. You aren’t sure, but at least you have options!

What’s the plan?
>TRY THE BACK DOORS!
>POP OPEN A GROUND-LEVEL WINDOW!
>CLIMB UP AND TRY A SECOND-LEVEL WINDOW!
>CHECK OUT THAT NIFTY HEDGE MAZE!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4952579
>CLIMB UP AND TRY A SECOND-LEVEL WINDOW!
Well, lets try and start from the top and go down? Creepy mansions like this usually concentrate all the scary stuff in the attic and basement, right?
>>
>>4952579
>>CLIMB UP AND TRY A SECOND-LEVEL WINDOW!
>>
>>4952731
>>4952733
>AS HE CAME INTO THE WINDOW
>WAS THE SOUND OF
>A CRESENDO

Writing!
>>
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Weighing your options like melons at the grocery store, your eyes are drawn to a window on the second floor easily accessible from the roof above the back doors. Pointing the point of ingress out to your pals, Gus is the first one to break the ice.

“So we’re climbing?”

You frown. Can he fly?

“... Nah.”

Then yes, you growl, you’re CLIMBING. Seconds after answering his question, Ed’s hand pops up. Yes, you!

“Err… Kiki wants to know why we’re starting on the second floor.” He explains, earning an annoyed glare from the camera girl. You respond by planting your hands on your hips. Isn’t it obvious? Where’s the most HAUNTED place in an old mansion?

“The ballroom.” Mitzi answers.

“Cemetery!” Art adds!

“Wherever the spirit and/or entity experienced the catalyst!” Syb recites with a smug look on her pale face! “A.K.A the event or stimuli that interfered with their ability to move on to the nex-”

Wrong, wrong, Teacher’s Pet, you recite as you point in each answerer’s face! The correct answer is ‘THE ATTIC AND BASEMENT.’ Duuuh!

“... You said place, not places.” Gus interjects, earning an annoyed glare from you! Irrelevant! Point is, if we start near the top and work our way down, we’re bound to find cool stuff!

If your team has any qualms about your idea, they don’t mention them. They sure ain’t clapping, though! Bending some fence bars into an opening, Talbot gestures for everyone to step through prompting the team to scamper across the yard! Leaping up to the roof above the back door, you’re promptly joined by Syb as she BLINKS into the space next to you.

“What if… Ngh.. What if the skeletons left the front door open?” Ed asks as you and Syb help him up using your TELESCOPING MOP.

“Trust me,” Art explains as he climbs up next, “You aren’t gonna change her mind.”

He’s learning! Helping the rest of your team up to the roof, your efforts stall as Talbot remains on the ground below with a nonplussed look on his face. Oh. Right.

“Maybe he could watch the perimeter?” Syb suggests with a shrug. “Just in case?”

Not a bad idea! Relaying those instructions to your bodyguard, he gives you one last stare before reluctantly fading into the treeline surrounding the house. Man, now he’s gonna be grouchy!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4952862
Shit, misspelled 'crescendo' AND fucked the formatting! Sorry, all, was writing distracted!

With that situation more or less settled, you and your gang surround the window with palpable anticipation! Carefully opening it, your face is met with a gust of cold, stagnant air as you peer into what appears to be some kind of GUEST BEDROOM. Hopping in through the new opening, you quickly take stock of the disheveled room and what you have to work with!

The room is dominated by a king-sized bed, its sheets and dressings strewn about the hardwood floor. Next to it sits a small oak end table--its drawers and a modern lamp lying on the floor not too far away. Across the room sits a lightweight work desk, its surface crowded with empty jugs of pirate’s grog and knives--the latter clearly used to carve obscene images into the surface of the desk. On the wall above an electric fireplace sits a flatscreen TV--its surface spidered by an embedded hatchet.

Halfway between the room’s exit and the desk sits a tall wardrobe with several open drawers and a cracked mirror inside. It’s hard to tell whether someone was living in here or not given the general disarray of the room, but one thing’s for sure--whether they’re pirates or humans, they ain’t here now!

As you take in the sights, the rest of your team climbs in through the window.

“Hmm..” Syb remarks as she slowly orbits the room, “That energy I felt earlier is definitely in this house, but I don’t believe it’s in here...”

“You never know!” Mitzi shrugs, picking a hatchet up off the ground. “Could just be really well-hidden.”

She might have a point, but what do YOU think?

>HOLD ON, LET’S SEARCH THIS ROOM SOME MORE!
>LET’S CHECK OUTSIDE!
>LY! SCOUT IT OUT!
>WRITE-IN!
>>
>>4952864
>>LET’S CHECK OUTSIDE!
>>LY! SCOUT IT OUT!
>>
>>4952906
>CHECK THE HALL AND HAVE LY SCOUT!

Writing!
>>
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You survey the room one more time and let out a long, bored sigh. If you’ve seen one guest bedroom trashed by skeleton pirates, you’ve seen ‘em all. Time to move on!

“Hey, this jug of grog’s still half-full!” Mitzi reports, quickly getting your attention! Ooh, grab it!

“... Jokin’. Sorry, Stan.”

Moving Mitzi down a peg in your mental ‘FAVORITE GANG MEMBER LIST’, you lead your merry band to the door and place your hand on the doorknob. Before you twist it, though, you order Ly to show himself!

“Cripes, would it kill ya’ ta’ say ‘Please’ once in a while?” He asks, rising out of your body in his ASTRAL FORM! No, you reply as he and Syb exchange polite waves.

“Lemme guess,” your skeleton begins, “You want me ta’ case da’ joint.”

He’s getting way too good at guessing your intentions! Ly responds with a smirk. “I do chat up your BRAIN every now an’ again, kiddo.”

Creepy. Disappearing into the floor with an evil cackle, Ly leaves you and your pals to tour the home. As you expected, opening the door reveals a long, carpeted hallway lined with potted plants and portraits of sophisticated-looking old people.

“Pretty sure those are the previous Deans, Stan.” Art interjects, ruining your fun as usual. Letting the rest of your crew spill into the hall like lost tourists, you take your time examining its features.

“It’s a hallway.” Gus interrupts as he joins Kiki in feeling the plant leaves. You were about to say that, yea! Leaving them to their own devices, you notice that yes, there are FOUR doors in the hallway--two on each side of the hall! Having exited one of the doors nearest to the end of the hallway, you can see a landing to your left overlooking what looks like the FIRST FLOOR LOBBY. Past that sits a flight of stairs along with more portraits and plants. Fantastic.

“Yep,” Tucker nods as he, Art, and Eddie stare at the same painting of a stern man with a pointy face, “there he is.”

“Dean Mayhew.” Art nods. “He looks a lot less imposing in person.”

Filing his face away in your mental storage unit, you continue your investigation! Another door sits directly across from where you exited along with two others at the end of the hallway to your right. The hall itself culminates in a tall window currently covered by curtains.

Just when you’re about to try another door, Ly’s ghostly form rises from the floor and looks your way!

"BOO!"

Quit it, jerk!

>CONTD.
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Well?

“It’s… Funny.” Ly mutters with a perplexed look plastered on his skull. “I checked upstairs an’ down, but nothin’ seems outta da’ ordinary…”

Ly’s appearance prompts Syb to trot over. “But?”

“But,” your skeleton continues, “Everywhere I go I feel like I’m standin’ next ta’ cobwebs or somethin’! Feelin’ all jittery!

“I do too.” Syb nods, looking at you with concern. “Ly, do you happen to know where the energy felt the strongest?

“Strongest, huh?” Ly repeats as he rubs his jaw in contemplation. “Hard ta’ say… If I had ta’ place it, though…”

He punctuates his sentence by pointing down the hall. “MASTER BEDROOM’S at da’ end an’ on da’ right. Across from there looked like a STUDY or s