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You’re STANLEY PARBLE: a girl with a weird name and an even weirder tale: after a centuries-old lich woke up during your graveyard shift at the GOOD BOY DOGGIE BONE factory, your simple life of janitorial work became a bit more… Complicated.

Sure, you became pals with your now-sentient skeleton (you named him LY) AND gained some nifty super powers from eating magical bone marrow, but that doesn’t change the fact that your hometown of Clearwater, California is overrun by homicidal skeletons! Even worse, the guy in charge is dead-set on taking over the rest of the world while he’s at it. Not cool!

The icing on the shit cake, however, is what you’re dealing with now: in an attempt to get rid of Talbot, the ten-foot-tall murder machine tasked with sending you to the big custodial closet in the sky, you and your pals took a trip to the local Redwood Preserve in search of a Top Secret Lab! The excursion, however, proved not to be a walk in the park--an ill-timed ambush by a group of Skeleton Soldiers resulted in the heroic sacrifice of Arthur Berry, a kidnapped Good Boy Security Officer turned good friend.

His untimely death rippled through your crew with disastrous consequences--thanks to a tip from your employer, Sonny Bruckmann Jr, your magic-slinging goth best friend Sybil took it upon herself to interrogate Mitzi, another Good Boy security guard and ally in your cause, on the suspicion of being a SPY. Taking the blame for Art’s death didn’t do much to improve the situation--a few pointed words from Sybil prompted you to leave your allies behind, including a group of film students-turned looters: Eddie, Tucker, and Kiki.

Your flight from your allies led you to a pond where you slowly picked your pieces back up, but your impromptu self-care sesh was short-lived at best. Never far away, Talbot emerged from the now-burning Redwood Preserve once again looking to mop the floor with YOU!

Your laser-eyed stalker only a few feet away and no allies in sight, THIS is where your story continues…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4776251
Welcome to BONES QUEST--now with DOUBLE the bones in every bite! Make sure to check out the following resources:

Archive Link to catch up with the story!
>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Bones%20quest

Twitter account for updates!
>https://twitter.com/DemBonez3

Imgur Page for quest and FAN ART!
>https://imgur.com/a/dvF3SCN

BRAND-NEW PASTEBIN for INVENTORY, SKILLS, and MORE:
https://pastebin.com/yANc7fJm

Rolls are handled by a 1d100--I take the BEST OF THREE ROLLS! Certain boosts and maluses will be applied based on the situation and existing skills. Describing your actions, write-ins, and GENERAL CREATIVITY are all APPRECIATED AND REWARDED--we like to keep things LIGHT and COOL here, so come on in and have some fun!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4776255
You take a few careful steps backward as the glowing-eyed behemoth strides forward in your direction! This is NOT who you wanted to run into, damn it!

“I said RUN!” Ly repeats, floating towards the trees behind you in his ASTRAL PROJECTION FORM! Not willing to take any chances, you use your ever-useful BONE SPEED to make like mascara and RUN!

Unfortunately your legs are still half-asleep from the debrief session you just had with yourself, turning your DARING ESCAPE into a DARING TUMBLE TO THE GROUND! Sprawled on the pond shore like a slasher movie heroine, you scramble backwards as Talbot marches forward, undaunted by your clumsy display!

“HURRY!” Ly howls, adding even MORE tension to the situation! Mind racing, you quickly consider your options--you can probably outrun the guy, sure, but you’re in uncharted territory here--maybe you can try to slow him down first?

The pebbles making up the pond shore are crushed into powder by your stalker’s size 20 boots as he approaches--no sense in trying to take him down until you figure out a WEAKNESS...

What do you do?
>SWING through the trees with your BONE CLAWS!
>SLOW HIM DOWN with an ATTACK!
>GET UP and BOLT!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4776257
>WRITE-IN
Okay, hear me out- we bait him into thinking we're slow to getting up right- keep getting him to get closer. When he's in position, we BONE CLAW slash a nearby tree and get it to fall on him, then use the opportunity to run.

If our claws aren't strong enough for such a feat, then I'll instead vote
>SWING through the trees with your BONE CLAWS!

As a whole though, I'm thinking we should try to find someway to destroy his coat. If we see underneath him, we can get a better idea of how his body (or bones, for that matter) works- which might clue us in to some potential WEAKNESSES.
>>
>>4776276

+1
>>
>>4776276
>>4776333
>TREEt him unkindly!

Please roll a 1d100+10 for me since this is a SPEEDY MOVE! I'll take the BEST OF THREE ROLLS! You can roll that by typing dice+1d100-10 in the OPTIONS field!
>>
Rolled 90 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4776378
Let's hope we've shaken off the bad roll juju
>>
Rolled 8 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4776378
>>
Rolled 11 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4776378
>>
>>4776380
>>4776387
>>4776401
>Highest Roll: Non-Nat 100!

Sorry folks, had to make dinner! Writing!
>>
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Imminent death hot on your heels, your mind races to find the best solution--this guy can RUN, after all--a lot longer than you can!

“Don’t just lie there! Do somethin’!” Ly adds helpfully. Crab-walking backwards as fast as your limbs can take you, your head connects with the trunk of a tree--looking upwards you get a glimpse of a particularly narrow redwood--one that gives you the mother of all good ideas!

“Whatever you’re plannin’, do it fast!” Ly hisses, his voice barely registering over Talbot’s fiendish footwear! Relax, you purr, you saw this in a cartoon once!

“...We’re dead.” Ly whines as his ASTRAL FORM syncs with your body. Ignoring him, you get into position next to the foot of the tree and SPRING INTO ACTION!

D’AAAAUUUUUGH, YOUR FOOT!

Your would-be killer flinches a bit in surprise as you howl in pain, clutching your yellow-booted foot in your hand! It’s GOTTA be BROKEN!

His initial surprise fading, the specialist stops in front of you as his eyes light up with energy. Oh yea, you know how this crap goes…

… And you know EXACTLY how to counter it! Extending your BONE CLAWS, you make a clean cut in the base of the trunk facing Talbot. You feel a wave of heat heading your way as the killer’s eyes glow white-hot, but just before he can toast you a dull groan resonates through the clearing!

As if it was planning it with you, the thin redwood topples over in perfect form onto Talbot’s head, slamming and pinning his massive frame on the ground beneath it with a triumphant CRASH!

Leaping for the nearest tree, you sink a claw into the trunk and pause as you notice your biggest fan isn’t getting up!

“It WAS a pretty big tree, cupcake.” Ly informs you. “Pretty sure they’re endangered or somethin’, too.”

Don’t be ridiculous, Ly, trees aren’t animals. Frowning at the giant’s sad attempts at breaking free, you hang in place for a moment--say, this might be your BIG CHANCE!

“To get outta here? I agree--let’s scoot.” Ly answers hastily. No, you growl, your chance to…

>NEVER MIND, let’s get a head start!
>ATTACK! Maybe you can damage him a bit!
>SEARCH HIM! Maybe he’s got something in his pockets!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4776658
>ATTACK! Maybe you can damage him a bit!
In particular, FUCK UP THAT COAT! Slice the belt, tear away at the fabric- get that shit off him so we can see the monster underneath the mask and look for weak points
>>
>>4776661
>ATTACK! Maybe you can damage him a bit!
>>
>>4776663
>>4776661
+1, lets whittle away possibilities.
>>
>>4776663
>>4776661

+1
>>
>>4776663
>>4776677
>>4776682
>>4776686
>ATTACK!

You of all people know that this guy's one tough cookie--you're gonna have to really LAY ON THE SMACKDOWN! Roll 1d100 to see how much damage you can do--I'll take the BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Feel free to name some targets too like >>4776663
did!
>>
Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>4776722
Show us your bones, Talbot!
>>
>>4776725
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGXzlRoNtHU
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>4776722
Goddamn, well lets see whats underneath the wrappings.
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>4776722
>>
>>4776725
>>4776738
>>4776748
>Highest roll: 90!

Holy shit. Guess I'm writing!
>>
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Your chance to ATTACK! This jerk’s had you on the defensive since you’ve met--you’re not about to let him walk away without a few scars!

“Christ… Okay, but hurry!” Ly groans, “No tellin’ how long he’s gonna be trapped under dat’ thing!”

Hurry’s your middle name! At least… It could be. Your dad was never clear on the whole ‘changing your name’ process whenever you asked him--and you never got those five buck ‘Registration Fees’ back from him either! Typical government--fleecing both you and your parents…

“Er, Stan?” Ly interrupts, pointing your head towards the downed colossus. “You wanna take care of dis’ or what?”

Whoops, got carried away! Swooping down from the tree like a coke-addled squirrel, you land claws extended on top of the log pinning Towlbath to the ground! Most of his head and body are stuffed underneath the massive tree trunk, but you quickly get to work with your BONE CLAWS on the bits that ARE exposed--the shoulders, flanks, and arms!

Or… try to. As you sink your claws into your stalker’s heavy coat, you feel an unusual resistance underneath that slows your strikes like tar!

“What da’ hell IS dat’?!?” Ly whistles as you do your best to chop up what you can! You haven’t the slightest clue, but one thing’s for sure--this guy’s tougher than rubber cement!

All the same, you manage to get a few deep cuts in as Tollbridge swats at you ineffectively! As you manage to tear some sizable holes in his coat, you lay eyes on one piece of the puzzle--underneath his coat lies some sort of TACTICAL TURTLENECK woven with some sort of metallic stuff! Talk about High Fashion!

“Watch it!” Ly exclaims as he points your head towards the giant’s trunk-obscured head! Though he’s still pinned, your eyes go wide as you see the earth around his face slowly grow orange--that’s no good!

“Get outta there!” Ly urges, tugging you towards the trees! With one final rip of your claws, you tear a gash from your pursuer’s hood before scampering away into the trees!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4776806
By the time you’re swinging away, you hear the sound of crackling wood behind you--his tailor’s gonna be furious, that’s for damn sure!

“If I had a heart it’d be poundin’ outta my chest!” Ly sighs as you swing through the canopy! Yea, you reply, pleased with the ease your claws cling to the massive trunks, but at least you’ve got an idea of what you’re dealing with now!

“Doesn’t change da’ fact dat’ he’s tough as an army of nails.” Ly retorts. “And about as friendly ta’ boot…”

Your discussion is suddenly interrupted by a blast of red light arcing above the canopy! Flailing like a cat falling out of a tree, you quickly duck to the side as several trees near you explode into flames! That guy’s got some good aim with those eye-beams, doesn’t he?

“We gotta put some ground between us an’ him!” Ly fusses as you swing beneath a low branch. “...And I think I’ve got an idea on how ta’ do it!”

Okay, you sigh as you swing through the trees in a serpentine motion, what’s he got? Tablet seems content on burning down the whole redwood preserve!

“There!” Ly answers, pointing your head downwards. Squinting through the night’s increasing darkness, your eyes settle on a small sign along a dirt trail with two arrows:

LEFT: CAMP WAMPANOAG
RIGHT: COOLIDGE QUARRY

How great, you reply, you get to sightsee a bit before getting murdered! Ly responds by borrowing your free hand to slap you across the face. OW! DICK!

“Two things, smartass--FIRST, we might be able ta’ loop back and find da’ others if we hit up a landmark.” Ly explains as you rub your cheek gingerly. “SECOND: we might be able to find somethin’ else ta’ slow him down with. You wanna swing away all night?”

You shrug--it’s actually kinda fun when yo-

Another beam of white-hot light sails past your shoulder, setting a whole row of trees on fire! Oh man, Chokey the Bear’s not gonna be happy about this…

“We’re way past prevention at dis’ point, kid.” Ly responds. “Besides, they can blame it on him.”

Chancing a look backwards, you balk as you catch a glimpse of your pursuer doing what he does best--pursuing you! He’s not supposed to be able to run, damn it! It’s against the rules!

“We oughta start bendin’ a few more ourselves, then!” Ly remarks! “Let’s pick a destination and lose him there!”

Which way do you head?
>CAMP WAMPANOAG!
>COOLIDGE QUARRY!
>SCREW IT, let’s KEEP SWINGING!
>WRITE-IN

Last update of the night, folks--gotta hit work early tomorrow! Should be ready for another update around 5-6PM PST tomorrow! Thank you all for trying Bones Quest out and I hope to see you again next time!
>>
>>4776809
>COOLIDGE QUARRY!
I'm kinda feeling emu-kicking his ass down into a quarry might help us get some distance.
>>
>>4776809
I hate you Bones.

>COOLIDGE QUARRY!
It might have deep pits and industrial machinery to maybe trap this guy.
>>
>>4776809
>COOLIDGE QUARRY!
These are both good options >>4776821
>>4776912

My logic is that quarries are less flammable, there may be a crane to swing at him, and we could potentially trap him in a hole or some sort of cave in.

From what I'm gathering, most of his 'indestructibility' comes from this tactical turtleneck. Our earlier attack attemps, as well as Good Boy's gunfire earlier, did nothing against this.

What did seem to get him pretty good was the tree- likely both because it hit his head AND because it was a blunt attack. We need big, blunt attacks to do anything to him.

Our main options are

1. Trap him (Very difficult- he's big and can shoot blasty lasers. Might need to construct a special magic trap or one with special materials)

2. Destroy the turtleneck. I genuinely have no idea how this would be accomplished.

3. Find some sort of large, reliable blunt weapon (Like a construction crane, a huge tree we can swing around somehow, etc etc)

All three are difficult and have their own issues, but I'm actually happy with this info. The tree hit shows he can be harmed, and the turtleneck gives us a lot of insight. Sure it's a huge obstacle, but if he was truly indestructible then he wouldn't have been given such a piece of armor, which implies that it's necessary for the durability he's famous for
>>
>>4776912
Good to see you! Was honestly worried I lost you back there.

>>4776821
>>4776912
>>4777091
>Quarrelin' in the Quarry

Writing!
>>
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You feel a few frayed wires connect in your brain as you read the sign again--The OLD QUARRY! People die trespassing there all the time--it’s perfect! A really fun swimming hole in the summer too as long as you don’t step on any dirty needles!

“Didn’t you freak out da’ last time we swam there? Pretty sure something got stuck to your face… Wasn’t it a condom or somethin’?” Ly asks, bringing back memories you’d rather have left buried.

That’s the beauty of it, Ly! You reply as you reflexively wipe your face with your free hand. The only person getting stuff stuck to their face will be THAT dick!

Hearing your voice, your pursuer glances your way menacingly as he continues to sprint after you like a dog after a squirrel. Looks like he doesn’t care where you run! Hanging a right just in time to avoid another laser attack, you swing with ease towards your new destination.

“Maybe if we’re lucky we can just knock ‘im off a cliff!” Ly suggests in a hopeful tone! “Dat’ quarry’s not exactly idiot-proof…”

Exactly, you smirk, and that’s the genius of the whole plan! The more complex things get, the more likely they are to fail!

“... So we’re just plannin’ on prodding the equivalent of a tank wearing a trenchcoat off of a cliff?”

You nod--Checkmate!

“... I’ll reserve judgement until we get there.”

Yea… And while he’s at it he can reserve tickets... Tickets to… Um…

...Tilebox’s FUNERAL!

"Brilliant, cupcake."

...Shut it.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4778291
You can still hear heavy boots tromping through the underbrush as you emerge into yet another clearing--this one much larger than the one from before! A sheer cliff overlooks a massive drop into a partially-flooded quarry, the life-preserving fences taken by rust and weathering ages ago. Kicking a pebble over the edge, you grin excitedly as it falls for a good ten seconds before landing in the choppy water below!

“How da’ hell do people cliff dive here and survive?” Ly whistles, peering over the edge in his ASTRAL FORM! You shrug--usually they don’t. If you had a nickel for every time the cops cleared you outta here to fish out a corpse…

“Hey, look at ‘dat!” Ly exclaims, pointing further down the cliff at a small construction area with an excavator and a few crates of building materials. “Guess they’re planning to do somethin’ wit’ dis’ place, huh?”

Here’s hoping it’s a water park, you frown, placing your hands on your hips. You’re gonna need somewhere to unwind after all this shit is over. Several piles of gravel and rock sit near the construction area--if you hurry you might even be able to hide behind one!

“So what’s da’ plan, cupcake?” Ly asks eagerly. What indeed?

>SIMPLICITY--kick his ass OFF THE CLIFF.
>STEALTH--Hide behind some gravel or something and strike!
>SMARTS--DRIVE the EXCAVATOR into him!
>WRITE-IN

“Dat uh…” Ly interrupts, “I wouldn’t call dat’ one SMARTS...”

Fine, sheesh!
>SIMPLICITY--kick his ass OFF THE CLIFF.
>STEALTH--Hide behind some gravel or something and strike!
>COOL--DRIVE the EXCAVATOR into him!
>WRITE-IN

Can’t please anyone...
>>
>>4778293
>SIMPLICITY--kick his ass OFF THE CLIFF.
>>
>>4778293
>COOL--DRIVE the EXCAVATOR into him!
This is the most fun, let's get it

Side note- I don't think it makes sense to try this now, but if we can manage to knock him out or otherwise get him to back down for a second, maybe we should try...talking to him?

I don't think anyone has tried to communicate with him yet, and the fact that his protective armor is a turtleneck makes me think that his maker probably thinks of him as a son or dotes over him. Of course I might just be overthinking this to the max, but given the silly nature of some of our encounters, I wouldn't be completely surprised if he turned out to be a big softy just doing his job.

Also, side side plan for when we reunite with Sybil if we don't take this guy down- we know that her warded room hid our magic presence and made it so tallman couldn't find us. Maybe we could have her take the hoodie we aren't wearing right now and ward it to hide our magic? That way, Tilebox couldn't find us so easily. Downside would probably be that the wards would prevent Ly from leaving our body to scout too, but it's just a thought I had.
>>
>>4778293
>WRITE-IN
>COOL AND SMART drive the excavator into something above him and send that crashing into the quarry,
>>
Changing my vote from this >>4778306

To this >>4778320
>>
>>4778305
>Simplicity!

>>4778320
>>4778325
>COOL and SMART

Let's see some ROLLS! I'm looking for 1d100+10 because this plan requires SPEED and you have some of that! I will take the BEST OF THREE ROLLS! Let's see how COOL and SMART your plan truly is!
>>
Rolled 41 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4778386
We are hella cool and hella smart
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>4778386
>>
Rolled 54 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4778386
>>
>>4778411
76, that's not too bad!
>>
>>4778402
>>4778411
>>4778443
>Highest Roll: 76

You are indeed COOL and SMART! Writing!
>>
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Taking in the sights around the cliff’s edge, a thought comes to mind--why settle for one plan?!

“Didn’t you just say simplicity was key?” Ly asks with an impatient tone. Ignoring him, you scamper towards the construction zone with a glint in your eye--you know what they say: ’Fortune Savors the Bold!’

Scuttling into the driver’s seat, you let out a devious chuckle as you find the keys sitting in the ignition! That’s just downright irresponsible!

“It’ll pack a punch, but what if he just melts it?” Ly asks, poking at the vehicle with a spectral finger bone! Ah ah AH, you reply--a magician never reveals her secrets! Scanning the trees for any sign of your stalker, your eyes come up empty--no time to waste!

Finding an appropriate pile of construction materials closer to the cliff’s edge, you fish a GOTH BOOT from your pockets and place it on the far side of the pile just out of sight from where you emerged from! Adjusting the footwear a bit more, you’re startled into action by the sound of heavy boots rushing through the trees bordering the clearing--showtime! Scrambling up the hill and ducking behind the excavator, you sit with your hand poised above the ignition port as the specialist approaches!

Talbot’s massive form is betrayed by sinister glowing eyes emerging from the darkness of the tree line. Scanning the cliff’s edge, the red globes settle on the construction area! Crap!

“Hope he doesn’t have Night Vision!” Ly hisses as you hunker down lower. He wouldn’t have that, would he?

“Guess we’re gonna find out…” Ly whispers.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4778643
Marching towards your position like a wind-up toy, you hear the stacks of building materials shake as the mammoth skeleton approaches! Holding your breath, you return your hand to its place above the key and prepare for the worst!

Just when you think he’s gotten close enough, Talbot STOPS. For a moment all you can hear is the faint breeze blowing along the cliff--then silence.

Like a gator going for the kill, the skeleton snatches a pipe from a nearby stack of supplies and chucks it towards the materials hiding your boot! Impacting with a cliff-rattling CLANG, the colossus doesn’t even wait for the materials to hit the ground before charging your false position! Sensing that your time has come, you crank the ignition on the excavator and drop a brick on the gas pedal!

… And yet it doesn’t move. What the HELL?! Kicking the excavator’s treads in frustration, your abuse of the vehicle is cut short as you hear boots stomping in your direction! Looking over the seat, you watch as Talbot rushes your position with eyes filled with malice!

“DA PARKIN’ BREAK, STAN!” Ly shrieks, jabbing a finger at the small lever on the right side of the vehicle’s cabin! As if you said the magic word, the digging machine charges forward to defend you like a knight in rusty yellow-tinted armor!

In its mad charge, the vehicle’s scoop grazes another stack of building supplies sending them toppling down the hill towards your pursuer! Sensing danger, he crouches to leap over the obstacles, but the shifting gravel proves to be a challenging foothold! Whiffing the jump, the behemoth’s legs smack against the avalanche of construction equipment and send him tumbling down towards the edge of the cliff!

“Now dat’s what I call a Work-Related Accident!” Ly cheers! High-fiving your skeleton’s ASTRAL PROJECTION, your celebration is cut short by a change in air pressure and a rush of heat next to your leg! Sidestepping one last laser blast, you shoot the specialist a smug look before he disappears over the edge--A For Effort, Chump!

“STAN!” Ly hops back into your body and cranes your neck backwards just in time to see a cluster of molten rocks detaching from the cliff face and heading straight for you!

“HIT DA’ DECK!”

>Roll 1d100+10 to opt out of cliff diving! I’ll take the BEST OF THREE ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 88 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4778644
>>
Rolled 84 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4778644
>>
Rolled 12 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4778644
>>
>>4778647
>>4778652
>>4778656
>Highest Roll: 98!

Writing!
>>
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Giving your impending doom a look that says ‘Come on now…’, you dive to the side, using your BONE CLAWS to maintain a grip on the shifting cliff! As you scramble to relative safety, you watch as the rocks meant to crush you careen toward the cliff’s edge! Sailing safely into the yawning quarry, you do a double-take as you spot a familiar set of glowing red eyes rising over the side of the cliff! No WAY!

Glowing with energy, the eyes fail to notice one last chunk of building metal tumbling towards them until it’s too late, and with a resounding CLANG both the eyes AND the material disappear! You and Ly stand frozen for a minute refusing to move until a massive SPLASH tells you all you need to know!

“Hope dat’ coat’s waterproof…” Ly mutters as you depart from the rockslide area. Not waiting one last scare, you confidently stroll along the dirt road leading to the quarry’s exit.

“You know da’ way outta here?” Ly asks as you stumble over a loose rock and curse. Of course you do, you respond! Doesn’t he know how many times you’ve made this trip drunk?

“No… Do you?”

No… That’s why you were asking! In any case, you remember this path--you’ll be back on a main road in no time!

As you continue through the darkness, a thought occurs to you--the OTHERS! You’ve gotta track ‘em down!

“Hey, yea!” Ly agrees! “Any idea where they could be?”

Good question--part of you thinks they wouldn’t want to stick around the OUTPOST, but if they’re at as much of a loss as you were, well… It might not be a bad place to start.

Then again, MITZI kept mentioning that CAMP--maybe they relocated there?

“Maybe if we get high up enough we can track ‘em from a tree!” Ly volunteers, pointing a boney arm towards a nearby redwood standing tall against the night sky!

You doubt they’ve left the preserve, but it’s a big place. Even worse, you’re pretty sure there’s a few skeletons roaming around too. The question is, Where do you start your search?

>The OUTPOST! They might still be there!
>The CAMP! Maybe they relocated!
>CLIMB a TREE! We can search for ‘em!
>WRITE-IN
>>
Getting a bit tired on my end, so we'll continue this TOMORROW @ 5-6PM PST if that's cool with you! Still got work early in the morning. Thanks again for playing BONES QUEST and hope to see you again TOMBorrow!
>>
>>4778732
>WRITE-IN: Don't search for them. If they're not with us, they can't perform a stupid and pointless sacrifice.

I still hate you Bones.
>>
>>4778732
>CLIMB a TREE! We can search for ‘em!
Might also help us find the lab
>>
>>4778732
>CLIMB a TREE! We can search for ‘em!
>>
>>4778732
>CLIMB a TREE! We can search for ‘em!
>>
>>4778978
>Don't search for them!

>>4779338
>>4779360
>>4780062
>Climb a tree!

You guys are in for a treet! Writing!
>>
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Following Ly’s finger upward, you nod in agreement--yes… The tree! If they’re using a flashlight or something you’re bound to see them!

“Maybe we’ll see da’ lab, too!” Ly replies eagerly. “Or somethin’ dat’ leads us to it, at least…”

The sooner you find someone or something that can put Tailbone outta’ commission, the better!

“You don’t think we got him back there, do ya?” Ly asks, merging back into your body as you begin climbing the tree. No, you reply as you ascend up the trunk, you’ve seen enough movies to know that if there ain’t no body, they ain’t dead!

“There goes my optimism…” Ly groans. Doing your best to ignore the nippy breeze rushing past the tree, you soon rise above the canopy and are rewarded with a panorama view of most of the REDWOOD PRESERVE!

“I know it’s California an’ all, but that’s a LOTTA burnin’ forest right there.” Ly remarks. Talbot’s complete disregard for fire safety certainly did a number on the place--vast streaks of orange paint the dark treetops, spilling black smoke into the already ashen night sky! That BASTARD!

“Holy COW, look over there!” Ly exclaims, pointing your head to your right. Further up in the forest lies a massive burning gash through the trees wide enough to land a plane in! Squinting your eyes does little to penetrate the plumes of smoke in your way, but you can just barely make out the outline of some sort of structure near the edge of the trench--something MAN-MADE!

“Betcha twenty bucks dat’s da’ place.” Ly whispers. No need--you agree! Still, that’s one hell of a driveway for a secret lab…

“Somethin’ tells me it’s a new addition. Any sign of da’ others?”

Doing your best to memorize the gash’ position relative to where you are, you divert your attention to the rest of the woods. Though the fires make it kinda tricky, you manage to see what appears to be a pair of HEADLIGHTS snaking below the canopy! Bingo?

“... Maybe.” Ly replies, a hint of uncertainty in his voice. “Could also be another truck full of soldier boys too…”

Leaning against the tree trunk, you weigh your options--you’ve got a pretty solid lead on the LAB, sure, but do you want to ride solo on this one?

>TO THE TRENCH!
>TO THE HEADLIGHTS!
>TO THE CAMP!
>TO THE OUTPOST!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4780820
>WRITE-IN
Deploy tactical remote-controlled duck to investigate the source of the headlights. If it's our pals, we head that way. Otherwise, we check out the camp.
>>
>>4780832
>DeDUCKtive reasoning!
WRITING!
>>
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A thought occurs as you scope out the treeline--you don’t HAVE to ride solo! You’ve got some backup, after all!

“Backup?” Ly asks, interest piqued! Nodding, you plumb your pockets for a moment and retrieve your REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK!

“Oh right, that.” Ly concludes, leaning in close to examine the merch. “Knew we’d find a use for dis’ thing!”

So did you, you smirk, patting the duck’s plastic head fondly! This little guy’s gonna keep you from getting shot!

Placing it a bit further along the branch, you remove the REMOTE CONTROL and PREPARE FOR TAKEOFF!

“Dis’ thing can fly, right?”

Course it can! Flightless ducks are just old wives tales! Flicking the ON SWITCH, you get a feel for the controls--luckily you’ve played a lot o-

Your test run is cut short as the REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK tumbles off of the branch and hurtles towards the forest floor! Ignoring the look Ly’s giving you, you do what you do in any situation you’re not in control of--panic!

Slapping your hands against every button on the remote, you’re rewarded with a deafening HONK as the duck’s form rises above the trees and soars into the smokey air! You’re FLYING!

“Check it out!” Ly gushes, tapping the small screen on the remote! Looking closer, you recognize it as a live broadcast from the duck’s eyes--this thing’s pretty nifty, huh?

“Let’s check up on dose’ headlights!” Ly orders, and with a quick salute you obey! Taking the false fowl below the trees, you deftly maneuver it through the branches towards the lights. As if on-cue, your spy barely avoids colliding with a familiar windshield, prompting a chorus of far-off yelps of surprise!

That sounds like them, alright…

Preparing to bring the duck around, the screen lights up briefly as you pass by a trio of SIDECAR MOTORCYCLES carrying a host of boney passengers! Oh CRAP!

“Looks like they’ve got trouble!” Ly exclaims, pointing at the screen as if you didn’t just see it yourself! “We’ve gotta help ‘em!”

Yes, you frown, rubbing your chin, but how?

>LEAVE THE TREE and CUT ‘EM OFF NEAR THE ROAD!
>SWING LOW and ATTACK FROM THE TREES!
>WAIT, what’s THIS BUTTON DO?
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4781000
I hate you Bones.
>WAIT, what’s THIS BUTTON DO?
>>
Gonna leave this one open until around 9-10AM PST--been tired ever since I got home. Thanks again for playing and hope to see you around then!
>>
>>4781000
>WAIT, what’s THIS BUTTON DO?
Tactical ducksplosion? Also thanks as always for running!
>>
>>4781000
>SWING LOW and ATTACK FROM THE TREES!
We still got that absolutely made for forest combat build going on for us. Lets reenact Vietnam for these soldiers.
>>
>>4781133
>>4781469
>THE BUTTON!

>>4782024
>The trees are talking!

Writing!
>>
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As you contemplate your options, you spy a small RED BUTTON on the bottom of the remote! … Okay, you’ve GOTTA try this thing out.

“Wait!” Ly hisses, “What if it’s a self-destruct trigger or somethin’?!”

You shrug--then it’ll look cool, what’s the problem? Bringing your REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK around for another pass, you buzz by one of the now slightly annoyed motorcyclists before tapping the button!

”ANTI-PREDATOR COUNTERMEASURES CHARGED AND DEPLOYING”

The video feed turns WHITE as you hear the sound of a massive electric discharge down where the duck is followed by another, more familiar noise:

https://youtu.be/xn6hhrX34Pw

A squeal of tires culminates in a loud, crunching impact with what you can only assume is one of the redwood trees! Glancing back at your monitor, a manic grin spreads across your face as you realize the duck is still flying!

“What in the SWEET HELL was THAT?!” Shouts what you can only assume to be one of the motorcyclists!

“WATCH THE DAMN TREES!” Another barks!

Taking the duck around for another attack run, you allow yourself a low, sadistic chuckle.

You watching this, Art?

https://youtu.be/zPf_PJlJsJQ

Roll 1d100 to BRING THE RAIN! I’ll take the BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>4782128
Not sure what's happening but keep doing it!
>>
Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>4782128
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>4782128
Dammit. I actually wanted to use the duck instead of grenades when we were pinned down, but its description led me to believe it can't fly.

I hate you Bones.
>>
>>4782132
>>4782139
>>4782167
>Highest Roll: 87

WRITING!
>>
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You’re not exactly sure what this thing’s doing, but it sounds like it’s hurting the guys chasing your crew, so you’ll take it! Soaring between the trees with nothing but the faint glow from the duck’s eyes to guide you, you home in on another target and DIVE!

“INCOMING!” Howls a sidecar rider as he brings his rifle to bear! Too late--with another press of the button you smirk as the remote’s monitor flashes with a white light! Looking down towards the trail you notice a blinding FLASH shoot through the trees! The glare clears from your screen just in time for you to witness a blast of electricity pulse from the duck, sending both the motorcycle’s driver and passenger into convulsions!

Another cycle speeds by, not bearing to watch as their companions careen off the trail and wrap around a nearby tree! Oh no they don’t--you aren’t letting them get away!

Like a shark approaching a seal, you trail the remaining motorcycle with murderous intent, mashing the HONK button to signal their impending doom!

Not waiting for you to catch up, the sidecar passenger lets loose with their weapon, shouting incoherently as death approaches on plastic wings!

“Focus, cupcake!” Ly hisses, breaking your focus! SSSHHHH!

You take the REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK into a barrel roll, deftly dodging the hail of lead from your targets! The straightaway they’re on doesn’t last forever, and it’s at a sharp left turn that you strike--raising your finger dramatically above the RED BUTTON, you adopt a vengeful, toothy grin--Sink Supper Tyrannosaurus!

“SHI-”

Not very classy for someone’s last words, but it’ll do. With one final burst of light, your efforts are rewarded with the sound of motorcycle wheels leaving the ground! Seconds later the base of a nearby tree explodes with orange flames--looks like that one’s on you.

Steering the duck back to your lofty perch, you deftly snatch it out of the air and power it down. Not a bad toy, that’s for sure!

“Good thing they didn’t forget da’ batteries!” Ly chuckles. “Now then, we gonna catch up wit’ da’ others, or?”

Good question--chances are they’re probably headed for that burning trench up north… The real question is, do you want to stop them?

>Let’s CATCH UP. We gotta talk!
>Let’s GO AHEAD--we can clear the place out first!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4782273
>Let’s GO AHEAD--we can clear the place out first!
>>
>>4782273
>Let’s CATCH UP. We gotta talk!
>>
Gonna wait a little longer because if there's one thing Stan hates, it's TIEBREAKERS! I'll check in in a bit!
>>
>>4782273
>Let’s GO AHEAD--we can clear the place out first!
>>
>>4782290
>>4782403
>GO AHEAD!

>>4782361
>CATCH UP WITH THE GANG

Writing!
>>
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Stowing your REMOTE CONTROLLED DUCK back into your pockets, you deftly leap from the branch you’re on and start swinging towards the trench to the north.

“We ain’t gonna link up?” Ly asks. “Figure we could at least let ‘em know we saved their bacon…”

You could, sure, but you’ve lost enough people tonight--you’re not about to let your remaining crew walk into a firefight! The heat in the air around you increases dramatically as you rapidly approach the trench--looking below the canopy you can tell you’ve already overtaken your friends in the van.

It’s not long before you and Ly run out of trees to swing through--reaching the edge of the trench you backflip from one last branch and land with a muffled SQUEAK on what you can only describe as…

Glass?!

“What in da’ HELL did ‘dis?!” Ly whistles, prompting you to poke the ground with your finger. You’re rewarded with a sensation akin to dipping your hand into a fondue pot and hastily shake the still-viscous material off of your finger! YOW!

“No way in hell dis’ was caused by Talbot...” Ly remarks as you gingerly make your way north. “But I don’t know if I wanna find out what did cause it…”

Yea, you reply, you’re no expert on secret labs, but if you had to whip one up you’d start with some walls. Or at least a tasteful hedge.

“You mean like ‘dose?” Ly replies, craning your neck forward. Squinting through the plumes of smoke in your way, you’re treated to what you can only describe as the end of a battle, and it looks like the skeletons lost! A battered concrete perimeter stands bisected in the middle, the electric fence lined along the top still sparking where it’s been disconnected. Two halves of a thick metal gate lie discarded within the walls where a platoon’s worth of SKELETON SOLDIERS and their armaments lie strewn about like toys in a playroom. As you step closer, you whisper for Ly to quickly take a look around--no need for any more surprises!

“Gotcha. Watch yer’ back!”

As the ghostly form of your skeleton leaves you, you quickly take stock of the carnage one more time. A still-burning trail of flames extends downward through what appears to be the lab entrance, but the way forward is littered with a host of military toys and boney operators. Picking through the remains of what looks like a gun emplacement on the ground, you shudder as several droplets of cool water trickle off of the still-frozen operator’s chair.

SHIT.

“Stan, I got news!” Ly exclaims, hurtling through the air back over your way! You respond with a grim nod--you think you know what he’s about to say.

“...Yep.” Ly confirms, his gaze following yours to the frozen chair, “She was here, Stan, and I think she mighta’ bit off more than she can chew…”

...Syb.

>CONTD.
>>
>>4782505
Knowing her she won’t be able to keep this up for long, but the question is: do you need backup?

>NO TIME, let’s chase Syb now!
>LET’S WAIT, we’ll need the others.
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4782507
>NO TIME, let’s chase Syb now!
>>
>>4782507
>NO TIME, let’s chase Syb now!
>>
>>4782530
>>4782614
>NO TIME!

Writing!
>>
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Taking another look around the courtyard tells you all you need to know--if Syb’s not out like a light yet, she will be, and you’d bet your hat that there’s plenty more skeletons down below.

“You’re right… She’s gonna need backup.” Ly agrees. “Let’s just hope we ain’t too late…”

Not this time! Following the trail of flames downwards into the base, you keep your CHINCHILL PUMP-ACTION ready for any close encounters.

https://youtu.be/KGccd19Gfsc

Making your way deeper into the belly of the beast, you’re greeted only by the remains of what you can only assume was one hell of a battle--patches of ice and molten metal cling to the tunnel’s walls along with several spent casings and more bullet holes than you can shake a stick at!

“Our gal’s been busy…” Ly muses as you clamber over an overturned jeep. You shrug a response--she’s gonna be pretty relaxed if you don’t track her down soon! Squeezing past a set of chewed-up barricades, your foot gets caught on a pile of skeletal remains--GRODY! Kicking your foot free, you inadvertently roll the corpse over causing Ly to hold you steady.

“Wait a minute!” Ly commands, craning your neck backwards, “Stan, do you see what I see?!”

Yes, IDIOT, you guys share the same bod-

Oh.

Your insult dies in your throat as your gaze lands on the skeleton you just knocked over--one wearing a familiar GBCS stencil on its shoulder pads. Stepping back a bit you find the skeleton’s half-melted mask/helmet combo a few feet away along with several other skeletons wearing the same security kit.

What the HELL?!

“I dunno, cupcake, but I don’t like it, dat’s for damn sure…” Ly whispers, nervously glancing around the tunnel. Following the tunnel leads you to a massive central chamber dominated by a MONITOR DISPLAYING STATIC, the floor painted with lane lines for vehicles to follow. One trails off down a tunnel to the EAST marked with the word MAINT., while three others marked SEC, LABS, and CANTEEN respectively head to the WEST.

Spying what almost looks like a VENT behind the screen, you’re interrupted by a crackle of static from an ancient speaker system mounted high on the walls.

Y-Y-Y-YOU are… You’re entering a r-r-r-r-r-R-Restricted area! P-please LEAVE!

As if on cue, a small red light glows from behind a small tinted glass circle mounted above the way you came in… A CAMERA!

What do?
>CHECK THAT VENT!
>TO MAINT!
>WESTWARD HO!
>ADDRESS the VOICE! (How do you greet them?)
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4782788
>CHECK THAT VENT!
The smart move is to head to SEC or LABS, but the Stan move is definitely the vents
>>
>>4782788
>CHECK THAT VENT!
>>
>>4782794
>>4782829
>VENT FRUSTRATIONS!

WRITING!
>>
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This isn’t the first person giving you a warning you’ve ignored in your life, and it sure as hell won’t be the last! Besides, you’ve got a rampant goth to track down! Ignoring the stuttering emanating from the speakers, you confidently trot past the large monitor and clamber up the wall towards the VENT COVER.

W-w-w-WAIT! You can’t-that’s n-not… Please don’t go that way!

The voice’s frantic pleading falls on deaf ears as you wrench the vent cover from its mount. Seriously--if they didn’t want people to climb into these, why the hell do they make the entrances so obvious?

You don’t understand! Y-you need to go back! Go back and… And return when you have a SECURITY escort! O-Or the FOUR KEYCARDS! Y-you need to grab those first! Please leave!

“Sheesh,” Ly whistles, “This broad can talk. You sure you don’t wanna listen?”

NO! you huff, hoisting yourself into the vent and beating the fan inside into a pile of scrap, you DON’T!

“... So wait,” Ly continues, confusion in his voice, “You AREN’T sure?”

No, damn it, you ARE! You don’t wanna listen to the voice, you wanna check out the VENTS. Why is that so hard to understand?!

PLEASE! PLEASE LEAVE!” The voice sobs. “T-This is a private workplace…

You jab your thumb backwards towards the entry hall. If Ly wants to hang around and listen to Mopey Molly here, then he’s welcome to!

“No way--can’t stand cryin’ broads.”

That’s settled then! Ignoring the increasingly desperate shouts from the speakers, you worm your way into the vents.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4783029
Dark and cold though they may be, you can’t help but gain a sense of belonging as you make your way deeper into the lab… Almost as if you’ve entered the home of a relative or a very dear friend!

“Speakin’ of,” Ly interrupts, “Shouldn’t we have noticed Syb by now?”

That’s what you’re worried about, you respond, a conflicted look on your face. You lost her trail in the entry hall--if anyone found her, you hope they decided to take her alive…

“We’ll track her down, kiddo.” Ly replies reassuringly. “Just gotta keep our wits about us!”

Squirming through the vents for a few more minutes deposits you in a large shaft not unlike the STEAM VENT you parkoured through back at GOOD BOY. Suppressing the urge to spit into the yawning abyss below you, you’re interrupted by several sounds travelling through the other vents!

To the EAST you can almost hear the sound of several footsteps along with some sort of mechanical noise? Might be worth investigating.

To the WEST you hear the telltale sound of computers whirring along with the faint sound of chatter.

To the NORTH you hear the faint tunes of a song… A quick glance reveals an old, unlit electric lantern sitting in the vent!

Where to?!
>BACK--this is too freaky.
>EAST! Syb has footsteps--maybe it’s her!
>WEST! Computers have never screwed you over before!
>NORTH! Who would take a lantern up here?
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4783034
>NORTH! Who would take a lantern up here?
>>
>>4783034
>EAST! Syb has footsteps--maybe it’s her!
>>
Getting tired and this seems like a big decision, so I'm gonna leave this open until tomorrow around 1-2PM PST to avoid tiebreaker rolls. See you then!
>>
>>4783034
>NORTH! Who would take a lantern up here?
>>
>>4783034
I hate you Bones.

>NORTH! Who would take a lantern up here?
>>
>>4783034
>EAST! Syb has footsteps--maybe it’s her!
>>
>>4783041
>>4783604
>>4783626
>Go forth to the NORTH!

>>4783071
>>4784562
>Make heest to the East?

Writing!
>>
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You’d be lying if you said the lantern didn’t pique your interest--you’ve probably spent more hours in the vents at Good Boy than you have actually working, but you’ve never considered bringing a lantern up with you--the hell would that be used for?

“Long-term livin’?” Ly asks, voice tinged with uncertainty. Answering with a shrug, you carefully inch around the shaft in the lantern’s direction--might as well check it out!

Picking the light source up from its resting place, you give the lantern a once-over and make it out to be not very old at all--in fact, you’ve definitely seen this brand in the market before!

“Guess dat’ rules out pirates.” Ly chuckles. Hey now, weirder shit has happened in the past few days! Following the vents further north leads you through a winding path that culminates in a dead end--a heavy grille blocking your path.

“Drat!” Ly curses, “Coulda swore somethin’ was hidin’ dis’ way…”

You respond with a smug chuckle--why Ly, can you not see it?

“... See what?” Your skeleton responds, popping into his ASTRAL FORM to get a better look. Using your years of VENT SMARTS, you grin as you tap the bolts fastening the grille in place, each one just tight enough to keep it propped in place!

“Not bad, cupcake!” Ly responds, clearly impressed. “I’ll let you do da’ honors…”

Cracking your knuckles, you quickly bisect the grille with your BONE CLAWS revealing the room beyond: sitting amidst a tangle of vents lies several signs of habitation! TV MONITORS sit on the floor plugged in to a nearby POWER STRIP and a purple BEAN-BAG CHAIR. A beaten-up PLASTIC COOLER lies next to a HALF-INFLATED MATTRESS topped with a PLAID BLANKET, a PILLOW, and a small LEATHER NOTEBOOK. Next to the bed sits a WEATHERED GREEN DUFFEL BAG.

As you take in the sights, you and Ly both let out a simultaneous whistle--whoever put this together had the right idea!

“You’re tellin’ me.” Ly agrees. “Wonder if they’re still around?”

Oh man, don’t jinx it! Peering around the room for any sign of lurkers, your search comes up empty--guess Ly will have to do his thing.

“On it.” Your skeleton replies as his spectral form sinks through the floor. “I’ll keep ya’ posted!”

Having the place to yourself, you quickly consider what to do first--no Syb means she’s probably somewhere else--that means you’re still on borrowed time here…

>CHECK the MONITORS!
>LOOK THROUGH the DUFFEL BAG!
>That NOTEBOOK might be interesting!
>POP OPEN the COOLER!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4784681
>LOOK THROUGH the DUFFEL BAG!
>That NOTEBOOK might be interesting!

Let's use our ropes and fasteners. Fasten the rope inside the vent, climb down to grab the objects, climb back up, and undo the rope. We can examine them in the safety of the vents
>>
>>4784681
>>4784738
+1
>>
>>4784738
>>4784772
>SNEAK and PEEK!

Writing!
>>
If there’s one thing you’ve learned in your twenty years of living, it’s that enemies never check the vents!

“What about dat’ one game where da’ monster kept killin’ ya in da’ vents?” Ly asks, popping back through the floor. “Coast is clear, by da’ way.”

Okay, enemies rarely check the vents! And while you’re confident in your ability to hop in and out of the vent, you decide that you’ve had more than enough surprises today and attach your ROPE LADDER for easy access!

Scurrying down to the floor like a rat in a kitchen, you swiftly snatch up the NOTEBOOK AND the DUFFEL BAG before hurrying back to your perch. The latter jostling with what you presume to be GOODIES, you elect to open that first!

Unzipping the bag, your hard work is rewarded with-

AAAACCCCH!!

“Oh cripes, even I can smell dat’!” Ly chokes, floating as far away from the bag as possible! Inside the bag are several pairs of OLD SOCKS and UNDERSHIRTS! Letting go of the bag to properly gag, you spend a few minutes coughing as the bag and its contents spill onto the floor below you! NASTY!

“W-wait a minute!” Ly wheezes as he points a shaky finger at the bag, “LOOK!”

Glancing downwards through watery eyes, you ignore the socks for a moment as you notice several other things of note: a WRINKLED, YET SERVICABLE SET OF JANITOR COVERALLS, a RETRACTED TELESCOPING MOP, and a spray bottle-lighter combo that can only mean one thing: FLAMETHROWER!

No longer interested in the old socks, you quickly snatch up the items from the ground for further analysis!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4785051
“Those almost look like yours!” Ly muses as you hold the COVERALLS in front of you. Yea, you reply, that GOOD BOY logo on the chest really ties it all together!

“Wait a minute,” Ly interjects, looking closer at the coveralls, “Does dis’ mean dis’ place is a GOOD BOY lab? Those security goon corpses in da’ entryway seemed way too convenient for a coincidence…”

Either that or someone’s really trying to mess with your head! Regardless, the coveralls you’re holding seem to be A FEW SIZES BIGGER THAN YOURS, so unless you wanna do some impromptu tailoring you’re probably gonna let these go. Dropping them onto the surface of the vent, you hear the muffled thump of something in the pockets! Skillfully fishing through them, your hands emerge with a POUCH OF 10 PONGOS and a BLACK KEYCARD with the word JANITOR engraved on the front! That could come in useful!

Your analysis of the coveralls complete, you turn your attention to the TELESCOPING MOP! Eagerly pressing the EXTEND button, you’re swiftly rewarded by the mop expanding into your face! OOF!

“Wouldja’ look at dat’...” Ly whispers as you regain your bearings. The shaft of the mop looks like nothing you’ve ever seen--it resembles metal, sure, but it almost flows... A flick to the metallic shaft causes the material to HARDEN, reflecting your attack almost completely! That ain’t aluminum, that’s for sure!

“Hmmm.” Ly grumbles, clearly wanting some attention. Rolling your eyes, you decide to indulge him--whatcha thinkin’, Ly?

“Call me crazy, but dis’ stuff…” Ly muses, poking a spectral finger at the mop, “... I’m gettin’ a feelin’ from it. Like I’m lookin’ at some of dat’ MAGICAL MARROW or somethin’...”

Mulling over his words for a moment, you shrug and bite the mop as HARD AS YOU CAN!

OWWW!

You reel backwards as though you just tried to bite CEMENT! Massaging your teeth, you shoot a dirty look at the mop--oh it’s magical, alright! You’re gonna make it DISAPPEAR!

“WAIT!” Ly shouts, prompting you to put away your BONE CLAWS, “Let’s just hold onta’ it! It seems pretty tough, right? Maybe we can use dat’!”

You shrug--fine, but you aren’t doing the whole dance like you did at the Drive-In--this place is way too cramped.

“Fine by me.”

>CONTD.
>>
>>4785053
Stowing the TELESCOPING MOP in your pockets, you eagerly turn to the last item on the menu: the FLAMETHROWER! Picking the contraption up in your hands, you let out a devious giggle as you feel a full tank of fuel sloshing around--this could come in handy!

“... Against what?” Ly replies, genuine curiosity in his voice. Well, you begin…

Everything.

“Everythin’, huh?” Ly replies. “Since when do skeletons worry about fire?”

You shrug--these skeletons are different. Throwing his arms in the air in exasperation, your skeleton looks at you with defeat in his eye sockets.

“Fine. You wanna hold on to a hodgepodge of flammable liquid and a hair trigger, be my guest.”

See? Ly can be cool sometimes! Ignoring his muttering as you stuff the FLAMETHROWER into your pockets, you finally turn your attention to the bent pages of the LEATHER NOTEBOOK. A quick look at it tells you that there aren’t any names written anywhere on the cover, but opening it up reveals several pages-worth of thoughts in chicken scratch handwriting!

“I take it we’re gonna read alla’ dat’?” Ly asks, a hint of annoyance in his voice. Yep, you reply as you make yourself comfortable, so shush for a moment, will ya?

The first few pages are filled with various notes--work to be done, things to be fixed, etc… That and a few hasty doodles. It’s only after thumbing through a few more pages that you find something else!

Gonna start keeping notes in here for the DOOZIE of a book I’m gonna write about this shithole. How’s this for the first sentence: “FUCK YOU, GOOD BOY.”

Nah, the editors will just get rid of it--I’ll work on something better later. Anywho, got shot down after asking for a raise again today--can’t help but wonder if these morons get the big picture: I’m a JANITOR. This is a TOP SECRET LAB. I have the keys to EVERYTHING. Christ, I’ve even moved some of the eggheads’ notes and crap around a few times and security never said a damn thing! I’ve SEEN the shit that goes on down here--those corporate assholes better grab an umbrella or two because I’ve got a tip for ya:

A STORM’S comin’.


The entries continue onto the next page. You take a moment to glance towards Ly--did he hear that?!

“Yea, cupcake, you’ve been reading it all out loud.” Ly responds, half-absorbed in thought. “Also that’s not how you pronounce ‘umbrella’.”

Not important! This guy’s saying this place belongs to GOOD BOY! Where does it end?!

“Guess we’ll find out if we keep readin’...” Ly sighs, gesturing for you to continue. So you do.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4785054
Saw some soldier guys today. Real ones, not those donut-eaters Blumenkrantz hired. Guess they’re interested in whatever we’re doing with all the bones here. I asked one of the eggheads about it the other day, but they just looked at me like I was speaking Mexican or something--guess it’s above my paygrade, huh?

Screw them--I’ll figure it all out myself! Step 1 is bones. LOTS of bones. Step 2 is the processing chamber--the one with all of the vats and that RANK-ASS smell! How the hell am I supposed to get a date when I keep smelling like ‘Eau de MELTED BONE?!’ Fuck this place, man.

Step 5 or 8 or whatever is that GOO--the stuff’s hard as hell when they shoot it or hit it with anything. They brought a guy in the other night, homeless from the looks of things, and stuck his hand into a jar of it--couldn’t get it off of him so they took him to another room: Ten bucks says it wasn’t the escape tunnel! I snuck in and dipped a mop in the stuff--I figure I could always use it to bash a few heads if anyone tries to stick MY hand in a jar...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Happy 23rd to me--guess what I did to celebrate? WORK. Jackasses called me in on the way to the bar. Good thing I barely leave the office any more--that helicopter makes me queasy just looking at it and I’m fine in my hidey-hole anyways. How the hell was I supposed to know 72 Hour shifts were three days long?! I left them a little surprise in the labs--consider it a party favor, assholes!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Finally some GOOD NEWS. Got called in to a meeting with the administrator today and thought I was gonna get chewed out for the birthday incident, but then they told me I was gonna do some TESTING! Easy stuff, too--get some blood drawn, read a magazine for an hour, and poof--suddenly I’m the toast of the town! One of the cuter eggheads told me I was ‘perfectly compatible’--hope that means what I THINK it means! Gon na have to get her number later.

Anyways, they say testing will continue tomorrow and that I sh ould sleep--we did a toast and now I’m ready for bed ha h a!

Gonn a be fuckin famous man just wait. No on e new who I was bef ore but so on everyon gon know teh name TA LBO T SCHU M E R

Not nobody no more


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>CONTD.
>>
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>>4785056
“Looks like you’ve got a kindred spirit, huh Stan?” Ly asks as both of you look up from the notebook.

No way! This guy sounds like he was a total idiot! Plus what kind of a stupid name is Talbot anyways? What is he, a butler or somethi-

You and your skeleton freeze as the realization hits you like a truck. Letting the journal fall to the floor, you shoot Ly a glance--holy SHIT!

“You said it!” Ly hisses! “All dis’ time da’ guy gunnin’ for ya was-”

The HOMELESS GUY, you whisper with wide eyes!

“... N… No. No, Stan--Talbot’s da’ Janitor.” Ly sighs. “An’ somethin’ tells me they didn’t ask him for permission.”

Ooooooh, you respond, that makes a LOT more sense! So wait a minute, that means they turned him into THAT? How is that possible?! Ly responds with a shrug.

“Search me. Or better yet search ‘dis place--Sounds like we’re in da’ right neighborhood for some answers…”

You nod--They mentioned some sort of BONE GOO--if that’s the stuff on your new mop, then…

“I’m worried about Syb, Stan.” Ly interjects. “No use speculatin’ when we’re standin’ in da’ horse’s mouth. Let’s finish up here and move.”

He has a point--who knows where Syb or the rest of your pals are now? Scanning the JANITOR’S LAIR one more time, you spy the outline of a door hidden behind a pile of old beer boxes--that could be your ticket back out if the vents weren’t your style any longer…

What’s the plan?
>CHECK the MONITORS!
>POP OPEN the COOLER!
>LEAVE via the DOOR!
>BACK TO THE VENTS!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4785058
>CHECK the MONITORS!

We officially have to try and communicate with Talbot. Remind him of his janitor roots- maybe flash the notebook too. We are clearly cut from the same cloth- he could've been boyfriend material!
>>
>>4785058
>CHECK the MONITORS!
>>
>>4785061
>>4785216
>The monitor monitor!
Writing!
>>
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The vents call to you once again, but you ignore their siren’s call for a moment longer--you have a PLAN, after all!

“We’re not takin’ a nap on DAT' thing.” Ly warns as he shoots a derisive scowl towards the mattress. Of course not--you aren’t even tired right now! Scampering down the ladder once more, you creep over to the stack of monitors and start fiddling with the dials--why bother guessing when you can find what you’re looking for on these?

A flick of a switch, a turn of a dial, and a few smacks to the side of the monitor rewards you with an array of images clearly broadcast from the lab’s security cameras. Taking a seat on the cold, concrete floor, you scan the monitors for anything of interest.

The SECOND MONITOR links to the ENTRY HALL, and you can hear the faint sound of tires squealing as a familiar van swerves into sight before skidding to a halt in front of the large monitor. Seems like your pals made it in one piece…

The SECOND MONITORshows what appears to be some sort of laboratory, specifically one with some sort of harness inside a tube. A pair of GOOD BOY GEAR-WEARIN' GOONS hastily strap SYBIL’S UNCONSCIOUS BODY into place! The letter A is stenciled on a nearby wall!

The THIRD MONITOR overlooks a veritable SEA of bubbling liquid housed in several vats--every so often a nozzle emerges from the ceiling and spews some grey sludge into the tanks! Squinting at the base of the vats reveals some faint letters: PROCESSING & DISPOSAL.

The FOURTH AND LAST MONITOR shows you some sort of control booth--a familiar set of legs stands slightly out of camera facing what appears to be some sort of computer terminal, but you can’t get a good look at what’s happening! A stylish B decal sits on the distressingly-clean floor!

“When it rains, it pours!” Ly whistles as the two of you process the sights. “Glad da’ others made it alright, but Syb looks like she could use some help!”

He’s right, but you’re the one driving this thing--what’s the next move?

>REGROUP with THE GANG!
>SAVE SYB!
>SUBDUE the SCIENTIST!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4785299
>SAVE SYB!
Not even a question
>>
Gonna keep this decision OPEN until TOMORROW around 5-6PM PST--got work early in the morning. Thanks again for playing and hope to see you next time!
>>
>>4785299
>SAVE SYB!
>>
>>4785299
>SAVE SYB!
>>
>>4785299
>SAVE SYB!
Not even remotely a question, lets rescue our resident Witch.
>>
>>4785316
>>4785444
>>4785447
>>4785467
>RESCUE MISSION!

Hope Syb's holding out for a hero. Writing!
>>
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You’re driving this thing, alright, and you aren’t stepping on any brakes! Next stop: HEROVILLE, POPULATION YOU!... And Syb, hopefully. Alive.

“Works for me!” Ly cheers, pumping a spectral fist before hopping back into your body. “We’ll make sure she’s alright, den’ regroup wit’ da’ others!”

YEA, you shout, pumping your own fist in the air! Let’s DO IT!

Sharing an excited laugh with your skeleton, the two of you spring into action!

… You SPRING INTO ACTION!

… Any day now…

“You don’t have any clue where dat’ lab is, do you?” Ly asks, barely covering up the uncertainty in his own voice.

No--you were gonna follow him! You were so jazzed about the rescue you didn’t even think about where Syb could be!

“Well,” Ly sighs, presumably putting on an ASTRAL THINKING CAP, “Maybe da’ vents could lead us there?”

You respond with a noncommittal shrug--hey, better than your plan! Securing your new belongings including TALBOT’S JOURNAL, you quickly scamper back into the vents, folding up and stowing the ROPE LADDER as you go!

Emerging back in what you’ve decided to call the VENT PLAZA, you cup a hand around your ear and listen for any clues for Syb’s location!

The SOUTH VENT leads back to the ENTRY HALL if you remember correctly. You don’t hear the van anymore, so either your pals stopped and got out or they took the wheels elsewhere.

To the EAST you can hear the faint sound of a conversation along with some sort of mechanical hum. Maybe it’s a lab, but which one?

To the WEST you hear the computers still whirring, but no more chatter. Moving closer rewards your face with a burst of HOT, HUMID AIR--something’s cooking in there!

Uncupping your ear, you swiftly weigh your options--Syb’s life could be in danger here! No time to waste!
>SOUTH! Your PALS can help you find the way!
>EAST! Could the talkers be Syb’s captors?
>WEST! Labs have computers--maybe this is the way?
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4787394
>EAST! Could the talkers be Syb’s captors?
West is probably monitor 4, the one with the nerd behind all this. We deal with her later.
>>
>>4787394
>EAST! Could the talkers be Syb’s captors?
>>
>>4787394
>EAST! Could the talkers be Syb’s captors?
>>
>>4787411
>>4787422
>>4787467
Sorry, making dinner took a lot longer than expected! Writing!
>>
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>>4787631
Your FEMININE INTUITION tells you that Syb and her captors lie to the SOUTH!, you decree, pointing your finger in the direction the faint conversation is coming from!

“Er… Dat’s EAST.” Ly corrects. “But yea, sounds like a good bet.”

Clambering across the VENT PLAZA, you swiftly and stealthily make your way down the SOU- er, EAST tunnel! Squeezing past another set of fans, your ears perk up as the conversation from before becomes audible!

“-ake any sense.” A voice complains.

“What’s there to make sense of?” Another voice replies with a tinge of irritation.

“Well for starters, we want the mop-jockey and her chump friends DEAD, yea?”

You creep forward in the darkness as the other party responds with a sigh.

Yeah...

“So why are we stuffing this FREAK in the Laminate Chamber?

“Because-”

“This bitch just torched half the guys--now you’re saying they wanna ARMOR HER UP!?

“BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THE GENERAL SAID!” The other shouts, causing you to pause in your climb! “The doc tells us Hawkes wants her stored, I don’t ask questions! END OF STORY!

Pausing to look through a grille, you can barely make out a row of tanks filled with a grey, viscous goo. With no sign of Syb, you sally forth.

“He said that, huh?” The first voice continues, clearly not buying it. “Guy’s been ranting about that janitor for days and suddenly he wants to play nice? Fuck that.”

“Maybe she’s bait or something--the hell do YOU care?”

“Maybe I just wanna get out of this in one piece, okay? You with me on this, Benny?”

The conversation goes silent as you reach a grille at the end of the ducts. Peering through the slits, your eyes fall upon two GOOD BOY GUARDS standing guard in front of a tall tube with SYBIL hanging limp from a series of circular restraints! Not getting an answer from his out-of-view pal, the guard shakes his masked head.

“Lazy prick--doesn’t even need sleep anymore…” Turning his attention to his visible pal, the guard relaxes his grip on his rifle. “So… You think she’s comin’?”

“Without a doubt.” The other replies, gloves tightening around his weapon, “So quit yappin’ and get ready.”

Three skeletons? No sweat! How do you approach this?
>BURST IN! Element of surprise, baby!
>SNEAK IN--you wanna get a good angle on these guys.
>DISTRACT THEM! Maybe an ITEM will help?
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4787740
>SNEAK IN--you wanna get a good angle on these guys
Hmmmmm, this is obviously a trap. Lets see about reversing it. Any machinery or computers about that might be fuck-withable? At least one of them is asleep, so we might be able to solid snake one of the other two and do this real sneaky beaky like.
>>
Sorry folks, dinner and cleanup went a LOT longer than anticipated so I'm gonna keep this one open until 5-6PM PST tomorrow. Apologies for the sporadic updates lately--been pretty out of it upon returning home and I don't wanna force updates. Thank you all for playing and for your patience!
>>
>>4787740
>SNEAK IN--you wanna get a good angle on these guys.

I hate you Bones.
>>
>>4787740
>SNEAK IN--you wanna get a good angle on these guys.
>>
>>4787754
>>4787843
>>4788038
>SNEAK!

Writing!
>>
No doubt about it--this is a trap. You’re not exactly concerned about the two guards below--you’re pretty confident that you can take them out. The other non-visible guard and the possibility of Syb getting caught in the crossfire, though? You’re not exactly keen on that.

“Look!” Ly whispers as he points at a cluster of wires across from your vent perch trailing all the way to the lab floor! “Maybe we can get a better look from there!”

Of course you can, you reply as you try and fail to eyeball-measure the distance across, but without those guys seeing? That’ll take SKILL!

“Den’ quit whisperin’ and go for it!” Ly responds, motioning for you to shut up!

ROLL 1d100+10 to LEAP ACROSS UNSEEN! I’ll take the BEST OF THREE ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 53 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4789368
>>
Rolled 24 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4789368
>>
Rolled 93 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4789368
>>
>>4789404
>>4789409
>>4789423
>Highest roll: 103!!!

Stealthy as SHIT! Writing!
>>
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Silently removing the bolts from the vent cover, you stow the obstacle behind you and take a quick breath--PARKOUR!

Coiling your body like a cat about to pounce, you explode outwards towards the massive cluster of wires on the wall! Sailing quietly across the gap like a leaf in the wind, you land with a muffled ‘SQUEAK’ directly on your target. The eagle has landed, baby!

“Top notch!” Ly whispers, his ASTRAL FORM popping out of your body for some reconnaissance. Before you can survey your surroundings, you feel the wire in your right hand go slack--further inspection reveals a large THREE-PRONGED PLUG sitting in your grasp! Bringing it closer to your face causes some hair to stand on-end--you’ve messed with enough outlets in your time to know this thing’s LIVE.

“CRIPES!” Instinctively pressing yourself against the wires, you hold your breath as you wait for the guard’s next move!

“This shit isn’t LEAKING, is it?” He continues, putting your mind a little more at ease! His fellow guard kicks his boot across the floor a few times creating tiny splashes.

“Must be COOLANT. This stuff’s pretty sensitive to HEAT.”

“That’s great an’ all, but what’s it doing OUTSIDE THE TANK?” His counterpart replies in a disgusted tone. “Gonna smell like cleaning fluid all night….”

Enjoying the show, your attention is suddenly diverted by what you see resting in the corner by a few more tanks of GREY FLUID.

“Stan! You’re not gonna bel-oh. You noticed.” Ly reports, excitement deflating as he follows your gaze.

The third guard, the one currently catching a few Z’s in the corner, is actually a ROBOT! With a CRAB-LIKE PINCER on one arm and a GATLING GUN on the other, you can barely stifle an excited squeal--that’s RAD! The Good Boy logo's a bit much, though.

“He’s sleepin’…” Ly reports, “Let’s take out da’ others before they shoot Syb or somethin’!”

You nod in agreement--he’s bound by the Laws of Robotics--play your cards right and he can’t do shit to you! Initially enthusiastic, Ly turns to give you a searching look.

“Stan, dat’s a guy. He’s in a suit. Impressive, yea, but he ain’t no robot. He’s sleepin’ for chrissakes.”

Yea, you reply with a derisive snort, because machines totally don’t have a sleep mode. Get with the times, Ly!

“I…” Ly begins, jaw trembling with annoyance, “... I’m not even gonna get into it. Just do somethin’ before they kill Syb, us, or alla’ the above.”

Yes, you reply, that’s the one advantage you have over THEM... The power to choose...

>STEALTH-ATTACK the GUARDS! Silent AND deadly!
>Use the WIRE! Might make some noise, but effective!
>ZAP the ROBOT! You’re not getting outsmarted by a TOASTER!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4789543
>WRITE-IN
He's asleep?

We sneakily pry it open, throw out the dude inside, and take the suit for ourselves- robo Rambo style
>>
>>4789543
>STEALTH-ATTACK the GUARDS! Silent AND deadly!
>>
Gonna wait a while longer before the tie-breaker--don't have to go into work tomorrow so worst-case scenario I'll at least be able to update earlier!
>>
Getting a bit tired, so I'll check in on this tomorrow around 9-10am PST! Not a fan of tiebreakers, so I appreciate your patience. Hope to see you then!
>>
>>4789543
>STEALTH-ATTACK the GUARDS! Silent AND deadly!
Pull a guard to the ceiling by throttling him with a mop, real janitorial assassin style.
>>
>>4789552
>>4789718
>Stealth attack guards!

>>4789549
>Steal ROBOT!

You guys were speedy enough, so here's one last bonus update for the night:

Roll me 1d100+10 to STEALTH-ATTACK! I'll take the BEST OF THREE ROLLS and write a response tomorrow morning!
>>
Rolled 61 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4789720
Thank god, I realized I forgot to hit send on my roll before I went to watch a movie with my partner.
>>
Rolled 32 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4789720
>>
Rolled 24 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4789720
>>
>>4789731
You saved the day : )

>>4789731
>>4790220
>>4790235
>Highest Roll: 71!

Writing!
>>
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Creeping down the wires like some sort of freakish raccoon spider hybrid, you stealthily remove your GOO MOP from your pocket and press the release button causing it to extend without a sound!

“..Still doesn’t make any sense.” The first guard grumbles as you draw nearer.

“It doesn’t need to if the boss says it. Shut up.”

In an attempt to alleviate the tension between these two, you swiftly slip your GOO MOP between the guards and hook them both by their throats! Rewarded with a simultaneous ‘ACK!’, you scramble to find a foothold as you pull back on the mop!

As the two struggle to break free, a thought arrives in the dusty, decrepit subway station that is your brain--are you killing people right now? Glancing wide-eyed at the thrashing guards, the grim realization pulses through your head--you’ve been dusting skeletons for the past few days, sure, but this? This is big! Are you going to need therapy? Er… MORE therapy? Are you gonna get THE BLOODLUST? Shit, what if you DON’T feel anything? What if you’re no better than that soulless husk in sleep mode over there? What if you’ve ALWAYS been this way?

“GGNK! NRk-wait a minute, we don’t have throats anymore!” The first guard croaks, swiftly calming down.

“Ohhhh yea! Talk about awkward!” Replies the other, jawbone clacking underneath his mask. Your train of thought thoroughly derailed, the three of you share an embarrassed chuckle--old habits die hard, huh?

“You can say that again!” Laughs the first skeleton guard! “Anywho, I guess you’re gonna do that BONE CLAW thing now, huh?”

You grin sheepishly--yep!

“Ha ha, alright then!” The other guard chuckles, “Thanks for the laugh, I guess.”

With a good-natured nod, you bring a leg up and hook it around your GOO MOP to hold it in place as you spear the two SKELETON GUARDS through their heads with your BONE CLAWS. Your mop still pressed against where their throats used to be, you gently lower the guards to the ground as a blue flame quietly crackles through their uniforms.

Through some small miracle, the ROBOT is still gently snoring next to the tanks of GREY LIQUID. Behind you sits a SMALL TERMINAL most-likely connected to Syb’s tube. Similar tubes and lab stations riddled with bones and various lab implements are spread around the room along with several intercom speakers and the telltale red light from a SECURITY CAMERA above the door to the lab.

What’s the next move here?
>DEACTIVATE the ROBOT!
>EXAMINE the TERMINAL.
>DESTROY THAT CAMERA!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4790701
>DEACTIVATE the ROBOT!
>>
>>4790711
Uh excuse me, you forgot the 'I hate you Bones'
>>
>>4790713
Good. You know it without the reminder.
>>
>>4790701
>DESTROY THAT CAMERA!
Robo boy is still sleeping, lets slice some wires and then sabotage his suit.
>>
>>4790701
>WRITE-IN
Still in favor of stealing robo suit for ourselves, but if you end up going to update and it's still a three-way tie, then you can count me as a

>DESTROY THAT CAMERA!
vote
>>
>>4790858
I could always count this towards DEACTIVATE THE ROBOT--we can get into deactivation specifics if that vote wins!

>>4790807
It's just not the same without you saying it, though :c
>>
>>4790881
Alright then, I'll go with DEACTIVATE the ROBOT, ideally through STEALING it for ourselves
>>
>>4790881
You think it's a game?
>>
>>4790711
>>4790909
>DEACTIVATE THE ROBOT!

>>4790812
>NO CAMERAS!

Writing!
>>
That dork over the intercom totally knows you’re here already, no doubt about that--the red light from the camera lining up with your face is all the proof you need. There’s one thing they aren’t counting on, though: they can’t alert the guards if there AREN’T ANY LEFT!

Judging by the corpses near the entrance, you’re willing to bet that Syb took out most of the resistance, and with her two guards out of commission that just leaves the TOASTER currently still asleep a few feet away! Even better, you’ve got the element of surprise--better use it while you’ve got it!

The front of the ROBOT looks pretty tough, but maybe there are other ways to crack this egg?

What’s the plan? Choose before this guy gets a wakeup call!

>Use the WIRE--you can short-circuit this jerk!
>CHECK the BACK--maybe there’s a weak point?
>Maybe you can KNOCK OVER a GOO TANK!
>An ITEM will help here! (WRITE-IN ITEM)
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4791249
>Use the WIRE--you can short-circuit this jerk!
>>
>>4791249
>CHECK the BACK--maybe there’s a weak point?
Can we just like, pull him out?
>>
>>4791249
+1ing this >>4791249
>>
>>4791328
Appreciate the support, but which post are you +1ing again?
>>
Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>4791278
>WIRE (1)
>>4791279
>CHECK BACK (2)

Screw it, I'll just flip a coin. Writing!
>>
>>4791359
Lmao im stupid, +1ing >>4791279, the pull the guy out thing
>>
>>4791569
No sweat. In the interest of putting player choice before luck I'll assume you all want to CHECK THE BACK.

ROLL ME 1d100+5 to see how successful you are in doing this SWIFTLY and QUIETLY! I'll take, you guessed it, THE BEST OF THREE ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 20 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4791577
Lessgooooo
>>
Rolled 55 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4791577
>>
Rolled 69 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4791577
>>
>>4791589
>>4791591
>>4791596
>Highest Roll: 74!

Writing!
>>
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Hearing the crackle of the intercom speakers, you spring into action and circle around the metal monster’s body to the back and find yourself staring at some sort of latching mechanism held together by a large valve!

A-ALERT! You really AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE! W-WAKE UP! SHE’S THERE!

The robot stirs as you place your hands on its back--this must be where they keep the BATTERY!

“Nrggghh…” The robot groans, clearly programmed to imitate human tiredness, “Whad’ I miss?”

ALERT! B-BEHIND YOU!

Startled by the shrill, annoying voice resounding through the lab, the robot jolts upright and turns, causing your arms to YANK the valve on its back! With a dull groan, a series of latches flip open as the wheel starts spinning, resulting in a confused yelp from inside the machine!

“Wh-oh CRAP!

Clearly sensing your intent to remove its battery, the robot begins to shake you around violently like a ragdoll! As you hang on for dear life you spy the back of a GOOD BOY SECURITY UNIFORM and glare--these sick BASTARDS…. They’re using HUMANS as BATTERIES!

“Stan, he’s the pilot!” Ly shouts as you struggle to hang on! “GET ridda’ him!”

Sure, that’s one way of looking at it, but you think of it more as a chicken and the leg situation--does the human pilot the robot, or does the ROBOT pilot the hum-

“STAN, NOW!” Ly howls! He’s right--you’re not cut out for this philosophy thing.

Speaking of cutting out though…

ROLL 1d100 to REMOVE THE BATTERY without LOSING YOUR GRIP! I’ll take the BEST OF THREE ROLLS! Feel free to chip in with any specific strategies you have, too, otherwise HANG ON TIGHT!
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>4791680
Use the mop to hook around his throat and yank him out. Kill him and remove him (ideally) in one blow.
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>4791680
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>4791680
if we can pull it out while still maintaining a grip, shoot at the battery with our .38 REVOLVER then throw the battery out of the robot.
>>
>>4791729
>>4791750
>>4791781
>Highest Roll: 44
WRITING
>>
Feeling your brain slosh around your head like cement in a mixer, a plan emerges! Reaching for your GOO MOP and your .38 REVOLVER, you prepare to deliver a one-two punch that’ll remove this bot’s battery…. PERMANENTLY!

As you reach into your pockets for the necessary ingredients for this spicy plan, a painful realization settles in--one that even takes physics a few seconds to realize:

Both of your hands are in your pockets.

As if throwing a switch, your body is sent flying through the lab and into the side of a GOO CANISTER! Your reinforced skeleton cushioning most of the blow, you still wince in pain as you tumble off of the now-spidered glass and onto the sterile lab floor!

“Dat’ uh…” Ly mutters, tugging on your bones to help you to your feet, “Dat’ coulda’ gone better…”

Massaging your side, you hiss a quick ‘yep’ before turning your attention back to where you just got flung from.

https://youtu.be/L983ORZ89a8

“Nice try, FREAK!” The robot growls as he slams his battery hatch shut again, “Now I’m gonna open you up and see what YOU look like!” Leaning back into a maniacal laugh, the robot clanks his claw together a few times as he raises his gatling gun in your direction! UH OH!

P-PLEASE BE CAREFUL!” The voice whimpers over the loudspeakers, “T-that lab equipment is very f-f-fragile! And the suit’s a prototype…

Ducking behind a GOO VAT, you just narrowly avoid a hail of bullets aimed at your chest! As holes blast through the vat above your head, you hunker down lower as you’re treated to another round of menacing laughter and heavy feet stomping towards you!

“I’m gonna stomp yer head into KIBBLE!”

With little to work with besides a few large GOO VATS, LAB STATIONS, and the WIRE ABOVE THE COOLANT LEAK, you know one thing for sure--this robot’s got an AMAZING AI program!

Ly groans as you weigh your next options.
>Go for the WIRE and ZAP ‘em!
>Try to SNEAK AROUND HIM!
>Maybe an ITEM will help (WRITE-IN ITEM)!
>WRITE-IN
>>
Got work again early tomorrow morn, so I'll leave this until around 5-6PM PST TOMORROW! Thanks again for playing along and see you again around that time!
>>
>Go for the WIRE and ZAP ‘em
Huh, he seems a bit unhinged.
>>
>>4791986
>Jam up the robot's optical sensors with our jar of berry jam

>berry
I hate you Bones.
>>
>>4791986
>Go for the WIRE and ZAP ‘em!
>>
>>4791986
>Go for the WIRE and ZAP ‘em!
>>
>>4792062
>>4792470
>>4792516
>ZAP

>>4792181
>BERRY him!

Writing!
>>
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As small fountains of goo pour through the growing number of holes in the GLASS-LIKE VAT you decided to take cover from an automatic weapon behind, another sound rises above the rest--the crackling of ELECTRICITY!

The WIRE!

Daring to peek out from the side of the tube, you quickly manage to track down the wire you yanked out earlier amongst the coil above Syb’s prison! Even better, it’s still in PARKOUR RANGE!That’s your ticket to victory right there!

“We zap ‘em and he’ll be outta’ commission in no time!” Ly adds eagerly! “An’ you won’t feel a thing wit’ those BOOTS of yours!”

You nod knowingly--yep, the rubber will eat up all the electricity before it can bite you! It’s the perfect plan!

“Well then…” Ly continues as he pokes his ASTRAL SKULL around the corner, “Lead da’ way!”

ROLL 1d100+10 to ZAP THIS BUG! I’ll take the BEST OF THREE ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 20 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4793525
Do the electric slide!
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>4793525
>>
Rolled 32 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4793525
>>
>>4793561
>>4793565
>>4793625
>Highest Roll: 72!

Writing!
>>
Waiting for a break in gunfire, it takes an impromptu haircut from a bullet to convince you that the time is NOW. Slipping out from around the side of the Swiss Cheesed-vat, you race for the mess of wires as your assailant lets out a sinister chuckle!

“Nowhere to run, FREAK!

Steaming-hot bullets whipping past you, you sprint as fast as your BONEUSES can carry you and leap into the air! Sparks fly as the robot’s payload impacts on the wall in front of you, but it’s too late--reaching out as far as your arm can extend, you snatch the wire from the wall and yank it downwards onto the growing puddle of COOLANT conveniently oozing around the robot’s feet!

The voice over the intercom gets one last distressed yelp in before every light and computer in the lab flickers on and off! Leaping off of the wires and scurrying back into cover, you quickly change course as a new hail of bullets erupts from the machine’s white-hot gun!

No longer laughing, the robot jitters in place like it’s doing a dance! Very human, but not human enough! The machine gun swings wildly as your attacker lets out a shaky roar, littering the lab with even more bullets!

“HIT DA’ DECK!” Ly commands, pulling you towards cover! Wrinkling your nose at the smell of burning machinery, you rush for the nearest place of refuge!

Robby's turn! ROLL 1d100+10 to HIT THE DECK! I’ll take the BEST OF THREE ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 70 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4793765
>>
Alrighty folks, gonna leave these two more rolls overnight--feeling pretty wiped. Should be ready to update again around the usual 5-6PM PST tomorrow. Thanks again for being patient during this schedule change and hope to see you again then!
>>
Rolled 43 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4793765
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>4793765
>>
>>4793953

I meant to roll with a +10
>>
>>4793802
>>4793947
>>4793953
>Highest roll: 80!

Currently on my laptop so updates might be a bit slower than usual. All the same, WRITING!
>>
>>4795597
Friendly reminder that formatting won't work on non-original IP before you add a lot of [i] [/i]'s and whatnot
>>
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>>4795601
>G-g-good thing I didn't write a whole bunch of italics and color formatting before I read this! : c Thanks for the reminder!

Following Ly’s orders and your own survival instincts to the letter, you tuck and roll behind a lab station just before the rabid toaster fills the space you just occupied full of lead! Tucking your legs close to the rest of your body, you breathe a quiet sigh of relief as the sound of gunfire is suddenly replaced by a loud hiss followed by a few casings tumbling to the ground! A quick peek around the corner rewards you with a smoking, soot-covered robot, the barrel of its gun practically DRIPPING with heat! Stumbling in your direction, your foe tries his weapon a few more times, but nothing happens!

“Overheated?! FUCK!” Roars the robot, once again demonstrating an almost HUMAN command of the emotion anger! “Fine! I’ll just STEP on ya’! More APPROPRIATE!”

Looks like this might be your big break--what do?

>Try to get BEHIND him again! Second time’s the charm!
>His gun’s JAMMED--take care of it PERMANENTLY!
>SWEEP the legs! Kill his mobility!
>Maybe an ITEM will help (WRITE-IN ITEM)
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4795681
>SWEEP the legs! Kill his mobility!

Let's use our signature weeb move where we close our eyes and wait for the sound/smell to sweep him hard with the broom. Maybe we can turn it into a running gag or technique
>>
>>4795690
Going for the ole’ Rocky Leg Smasher, huh? Roll 1d100+10 to take this bucket of bolts DOWN! I’ll take the BEST of 3 ROLLS!

Also had a bit of housekeeping to run by the players: do you think I should apply Stan’s ‘Lil Slugger’ boneus to mop attacks? It’s been crossing my mind a lot and I thought I’d run it by you guys. I’ve already applied the +10 to the attack about, but lemme know what you think!
>>
Rolled 77 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4795895
I think when we use it (or anything like tire iron) as a bat, then it's fair game. When we use it for strange attacks like the sweep though I think it's fair to not count it since you don't really use a bat like that.

Ultimately I'll take any bonus you give us, and defining it by the weapon would probably make people still willing to do creative write-ins if you don't care about the balance of it as much.
>>
Gonna check back in and post an update tomorrow around 9-10AM PST--pretty tired from today! Seeya then!
>>
Rolled 75 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4795911
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>4795895
>>
>>4795911
>>4796090
>>4796152
>Highest Roll: 99!

>>4795911
Fair enough--just didn't want to gimp anyone in combat in the long run. For the sake of simplicity (and the fact that you were the only one to really answer) I'll keep that boneus for BASH attacks.

In any case, I've got a cup of coffee and some eggs, so we're ready for an update! Writing!
>>
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Channelling the same composure you found fighting Rocky, you bring out your GOO MOP and get a feel for its weight in your hands.

Yep, this’ll do.

Though the robot stomps towards you from behind your cover, you whip around the corner to meet him halfway, your trusty mop held at your side!

“FOUND YA!” The robot growls, grim excitement in his metallic voice! “COME TA’ PAPA!”

The machine’s crab-like claw darts out faster than you expected, but not faster than you can dodge! Deftly dropping into a power slide (you’re getting pretty good at ‘em), you limbo underneath the metal pincers and prepare to strike!

Emptying your head of all distractions and thoughts (which, surprisingly, doesn’t take that long), you focus all of your body, mind, and… I dunno, chakra or something, into a mop swing that could topple GIANTS! You can’t use it now, though, no--a master fisherman can wait for YEARS for the right moment…

And so you wait.

>Fighting a robot
>Gonna break it’s friggin’ legs
>Ha ha h-

The sound of machinery rising above you breaks you out of your LIMERICK COMPOSITION--this guy’s gonna step on you! The time’s now, baby! Channelling all of the aforementioned giant-toppling energy into your hand and, by extension, your MOP, you lash out like a TIGER at the robot’s legs! Calculate THIS!

The lab-shaking CRASH and the groan of metal on impact informs you that your aim was true! Opening your eyes, you watch as the robot tumbles to the ground with an annoyingly-human moan of anguish! Who PROGRAMMED this guy?!

“DAAAAAAUGH, my PATELLA!” The robot groans, tumbling onto its back! Writhing on the floor, the robot seems a bit preoccupied with erm… You’re guessing its ‘pain algorithms’ or something? In any case, it looks like you’ve still got the upper hand! What do?!

>FILL ‘EM FULLA LEAD!
>REMOVE that BATTERY!
>SMASH his GUN!
>WRITE-IN

>By the way, props to whoever put Bones Quest in their 3X3 on the QTG! Love the Stan drawing!
>>
>>4796865
>REMOVE that BATTERY!
>>
>>4796865
>REMOVE that BATTERY!
>>
>>4796888
>>4796921
>Assault AND BATTERY!
Writing!
>>
The gun’s overheated, the robot’s on it’s back like a turtle--now’s your CHANCE! Kicking the still-writhing machine onto its side, you take another swing at opening the BATTERY HATCH--time to pull the plug on this creep!

Cranking the wheel as fast as you can, you find the hatch much easier to open--looks like whatever closed it didn’t do a good job of locking up! With a triumphant groan of metal, the BATTERY HATCH opens once again rewarding you with a-AAACK!

“‘CHOKE’S’ ON YOU, FREAK!” shouts the robot as a SKELETAL HAND leaps from the robot’s innards! What the hell!? Is there a SKELETON IN HERE?!

“Told ya.” Ly mutters as the aforementioned hand soars through the air and clasps around your throat! Tugging at the bones now clasped around your windpipe, you stumble backwards a bit as the robot chuckles menacingly!

“That’s it… Take a little BREATHER--I’ll be up in a jiff!”

The machine struggles to regain its footing as you tangle with the HAND--it’s just a few bones, sure, but MAN does it have a grip!

Roll 1d100 to get this thing off of you! I’ll take the BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>4797001
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>4797001
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>4797001
>>
>>4797011
>>4797012
>>4797019
>HIGHEST ROLL: 61!
Writing!
>>
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Pulling with all of your might, you wince as the skeleton’s fingers dig deeper into your throat! Getting a little HANDSY there, fella!

Stumbling backwards, you trip over a wire running along the floor and slam into the side of a lab station! Yow!

“I gotcha, cupcake!” Ly shouts, taking over your left hand as your right struggles to dislodge the murderous hand! Doing your best to breathe, you feel Ly running your hand over the station’s surface for anything handy!

“Lessee,” Ly mutters, “A beaker?”

Nope, you croak.

“Scalpel?”

Close!

“Mallet?”

That might work!

“Ooh, wait a minute!”

You feel your hand close around the handle of some sort of tool, but you don’t see what it is until your left hand returns--sitting in your grasp is a SCIENTIFIC SPATULA--you didn’t even know they had those!

“Better ta’ have and not need, huh?” Ly muses. “Looks like we need it!”

Wedging the flat tool between the skeletal hand and your throat, you slowly but surely lever it off of your neck amidst protests from your assailant!

With one last push, the scalpel flings the hand off of your throat and onto the ground in a discombobulated heap!

“Errr, guess this is my cue to leave!” Mutters a sheepish voice from the robot! As the hand turns to flee, you pin it to the floor with your boot and chuckle--he’s…. This is… Err… Throat…

Damn it, you HAD something for this! Shaking your head, you shrug and crush the hand against the floor. The end.

“Better luck NECKS time!” Ly chuckles, causing you to stomp your boot again in anger! Damn it, why didn’t YOU think of that?!

Taking a few more breaths through your now-unobstructed windpipe, you turn your attention back to the robot. Looks like ‘HAND.EXE’ ran into a bug!

“I uh…” The robot mutters, “I don’t suppose you’ll just wait right there for a moment? I’m a bit stuck.”

Well, since he asked politely…

>WAIT right there for a second!
>Turn this guy into a DEAD BATTERY.
>INTERROGATE!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4797091
>INTERROGATE!
>>
>>4797091
>INTERROGATE!
WHO IS YOUR PROGRAMMER!
>>
>>4797091
>INTERROGATE!
Where's the head scientist and how is she protected?
>>
>>4797125
>>4797140
>>4797239
>INTEROGATE!

Writing!
>>
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No longer preoccupied with removing murderous hands, you cross your arms and frown at the skeleton wedged inside the battery compartment. Nice try, JERK-BOT, but you’ve got some QUESTIONS to ask first!

“Jerk-bot? I uh… Erm… AFFIRMATIVE! JUST LEAVE MY errr, SKELETON POWER CORE INTACT.”

You grin. Doesn’t matter if they’re made of bones or metal--all of these jerks fold when you bring in the THREATS. Extending your BONE CLAWS, you give the downed machine a nod--their terms are agreeable… For NOW!

“Great! I mean, uh.... BEEP! QUESTION… SERVOS ACTIVATED!”

Hey, that’s a neat feature! You’ll have to ask the programmer how they got those to work later--maybe they can build you a DATE-BOT or something! Speaking of, who DID program them? You repeat the question in a louder, albeit huskier and more-intimidating tone!

“AAAH! I mean, BEEP! I WAS CREATED BY THE DOC! DOC VENAAS!”

You narrow your eyes at the name they give you… Doc Venaas, huh? Figures…

… Who was that, again?

“CHRIST, Stan…” Ly sighs, borrowing a hand to rub your temples. “The SCIENTIST. The one who made TALBOT!”

Oh yea, you knew that! You were just uh… Just TESTING the robot! All systems nominated!

“YEA, THAT’S HER.” The robot replies. “SHE’S THE ONLY MEATBAG LEFT IN HERE--THE OTHERS WERE SENT TO THE BONE PILE.”

Saves you the trouble of hunting them down… Speaking of the doc, where is she? How’s she protected?!

“SHE’S IN LAB B!” The robot answers as it shakes on the ground! “THERE WERE TURRETS AND MORE SECURITY GOONS IN THE WAY, BUT THAT uhhh… HUMANOID IN THE TUBE TOOK ‘EM OUT.”

All of them, huh? That explains the lack of a welcome committee outside…

“YEP, SHE CAME IN LIKE A FIREBALL AND TORE THROUGH EVERYONE! WE ONLY GOT HER WHEN SHE PASSED OUT…”

Sounds like RAGE SYB alright… Any other aces in the hole left?

“Err, well the doc’s got a direct line to the GENERAL… Actually it’s more like he’s got a direct line to HER. He’s watchin’ her like a HAWK!”

Your frown deepens as the robot explains the situation--where’d his ROBOT VOICE go?

“Err… Low memory?”

...TYPICAL!

Any OTHER QUERIES?
>What’s this TUBE anyways?
>Tell me about this GENERAL.
>Why are there GOOD BOY GOONS here?
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4797313
>WRITE-IN
Take us to the meatbag in the tube before I chop your code up, you walking toaster!
>>
>>4797343
+1
Also posting an "I hate you Bones" in case the other anon isnt here.
>>
>>4797313
>Why are there GOOD BOY GOONS here?
Also >>4797343
>>
>>4797345
This right here is what I like to see--players looking out for each other! Thanks, anon!

>>4797343
>>4797345
>>4797347
>TAKE US TO SYBIL!
>WHY ARE THERE GOOD BOIZ

Writing!
>>
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A confident, toothy grin forms on your face--you know exactly where to start! Clearing your throat, you look down at the robot sprawled out on the floor and bark your first order:

Take us to the meatbag in the tube before I chop your code up, you walking toaster!

The lab grows silent as you let your order sink in, your hands sitting confidently on your hips.

“Erm…” The robot replies, uncertainty in its voice, “Y-you mean the goth-looking one?”

That’s the one, you reply as irritation grows on your face! Point the way! Chop-chop! You snap your fingers a few times to express urgency, but it doesn’t cause the robot to answer any faster!

“... You mean the one in THIS LAB?”

You blink a few times as realization settles in… A quick glance behind you reveals that yes, SYBIL is still floating in the tank surprisingly free of bullets!

D’OH!

Confidence slowly draining from your face, you hold onto it for as long as you can and nod--YES! T-That one!

“... It’d be a pleasure.” The robot replies, emulating HUMAN LEVELS of ANNOYANCE. You watch as the robot shuffles a bit on the floor before a skeletal arm pokes out from the BATTERY HATCH towards SYBIL’S limp form stored in the tube.

“Oh look, we made it. Any other stumpers you need help on, SNOOPS MCCALLISTER? I’ve got good intel on THE COLOR OF THE SKY and the NAME OF THE CITY WE’RE IN if you wanna crack THOSE cases…”

You sputter a quick ‘N-no!” before turning around to hide your embarrassment!

“...Can’t believe I was beaten by this tard…”

You’ve said it before and you’ll say it again, you half-shout, half-sob: you AREN’T RETARDED! Your PEDIATRICIAN did a TEST!

“Damn it, Stan!” Ly hisses, borrowing a hand to flick your forehead! “You’re makin’ us look like an ass!”

>-1 MORALE

N-you just-

“Can’t wait ‘til we find a BONEUS that allows ME ta’ take over an’ talk… Criminy…” Ly grumbles.

>ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: ACE DEFECTIVE!

I-in any case, you’ve found SYB--looks like there’s a CONSOLE near the tube as well! Hey, robot! OPEN THE TUBE!

“... No.” The machine replies, “You broke me--I can’t. Do it yourself.”

You shake your fist in annoyance--everyone’s got it out for STAN today!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4797497
Shifting gears you decide to ask a MUCH BETTER question: What’s with all the GOOD BOY people here? Isn’t the factory like… A hundred miles away, or whatever? Gesturing to the now-deboned piles of GOOD BOY SECURITY GEAR in front of SYB’S TUBE, you look back to the robot for some answers!

“This is a GOOD BOY LAB,” The robot explains, gesturing as he speaks with the skeletal arm poking out of the BATTERY HATCH. “Turns out the MILITARY has a big interest in things that AFFECT BONES, so they worked together with GOOD BOY on special projects.”

You frown--what could the MILITARY want with BONES?

“As you probably already know, bones are pretty important to humans.” The robot continues with the voice of a science teacher giving a lecture, “Turns out GOOD BOY found a few ways to mess with ‘em when coming up with new formulas and such. Make ‘em STRONGER, WEAKER, hell--they even found a way to DISSOLVE EVERYTHING ASIDE FROM BONES. That’s a fun one.”

Digesting the info, you nod--yea, you can see how that would be useful. So it’s a GOOD BOY/MILITARY production, huh? Explains a few things…

That thought is quickly replaced with another--what was that about DISSOLVING BONES?

“No no no,” The robot replies, “Dissolving everything BUT the bones. From what I remember it was a special chemical compound made from the GOODBOYNIUM they synthesized here.” The robot adds, jerking a thumb towards one of the big GOO-FILLED VATS. “That stuff ain’t it, though--the DISSOLVING SOLUTION just left by helicopter before your GIRLFRIEND arrived.”

You feel the temperature in your cheeks rise a bit--hold the damn phone! Sh-she’s not your GIRLFRIEND! Get a clue!

“... Well whoever she is, she’s too late--like I said, they took it all away by helicopter a few hours ago.”

“Cripes!” Ly mutters, “Dat’ doesn’t sound good!”

No it doesn’t, you agree with a shake of your head.

“We done here?” The robot asks impatiently.

Are you?
>YEP! WASTE ‘EM!
>YEP! Let him go!
>What’s this TUBE anyways?
>Tell me about this GENERAL.
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4797500
>YEP! WASTE 'EM!

I keep wanting to instinctively recruit every skeleton we talk to bc they're all charming, but this is clearly a guy who's not fond of us. Let's take him out and free Syb.

We can get General info from miss lab gal- unless she escaped on said helicopter.
>>
>>4797508
>TERMINATE HIM!
Writing!
>>
You take a moment to weigh your options… Yea, you reply as you rub your chin, there is ONE more case you could use some help in cracking…

“Lemme guess,” The robot chuckles as he puts on a mock-idiot voice, “Where do baby come fwom? Trust me, toots: you won’t have to worry about that. Freak.”

You shake your head as a grim, toothy smile forms on your face… No, not that. You’re more concerned about THE CASE OF THE MISSING BATTERY!

“The case of… Huh?” The robot repeats, even having the SKELETON BATTERY stick its head out of the back!

THE CASE OF THE MISSING BATTERY, yes--quite a puzzler! See, there used to be this loud-mouthed robot, but they stopped working when their BATTERY disappeared! Crazy stuff!

“I uh…” The robot mutters, his voice lacking the previous mirth, “I think the battery was let go in that one.”

Nice theory! Extending your BONE CLAWS, you glower at the skeleton trembling in the open hatch. By the way, you continue as you scrape a claw along the side of the robot, you already know where babies come from!

Basking in the ear-splitting noise of the claw against the steel, you pause to lean forward until your face is mere INCHES from the battery!

Babies come from the STORK. BITCH.

The robot gets in one last yelp before you skewer its battery. As the skeleton inside slowly burns away in a burst of blue flames, you idly snag one of the battery’s arms and slice it open, draining its contents down your throat. As you feel energy rush back into you, you toss the remaining bone behind you where it sails into the top of a GOO VAT. Bobbing on the surface for a moment, the arm and attached hand flips you the bird one last time before sinking into the ooze. You don’t see it, though--you’re too busy surveying the damages.

SYB remains trapped and unresponsive in the TUBE dominating the lab--a nearby CONSOLE with a few promising buttons seems to be hooked up to it.

There’s also the husk of the ROBOT--as the SKELETON BATTERY burns away inside, you can almost make out some sort of CONTROLS and CHAIR--what kind of ROBOT was this anyways?!

Looking back towards the LAB ENTRANCE, you can still see the SECURITY CAMERA focused on you with its dull red light--maybe that VOICE OVER THE INTERCOM is still working?

What’s the next move, slick?
>SYB needs HELP! Let’s do it!
>Let’s check out this ROBOT more.
>That CAMERA’S getting CREEPY. Let’s CHAT with it.
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4797632
>SYB needs HELP! Let’s do it!

The stork line made me laugh pretty hard, well played
>>
>>4797632
>SYB needs HELP! Let’s do it!
>>
>>4797665
>>4797689
>SAVE SYB!
WRITING!
>>
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You set your sights on your friend currently held in an ominous sci-fi holding tube and approach her.

“They called it some kinda ‘Laminate Chamber’--whaddaya think DAT’ does?” Ly asks, peering over your shoulder. You shrug--no clue, but one thing’s for sure: you’re getting her outta there pronto!

“Good call--don’t want da’ good doctor experimentin’ on Syb!”

Well yea, but you’re also pretty sure Syb’s still pretty mad at you--you’d rather not give her another reason to be pissed off.

“Ah… Yea, dat’ too.” Ly adds in a softer voice. “Can ya’ bust her out?”

Taking your position at the CONSOLE, you take a quick look at the buttons and nod--sure!

...Probably.

Thankfully the console only has a few buttons, each one labelled in a way simple enough for YOU to understand. A BIG RED BUTTON marked INITIALIZE dominates the board flanked by a few smaller ones labelled “HEAVY, MEDIUM”, and “LIGHT”.

On the end of the board sits a dial with several settings: “HUMAN, ANIMAL”, and “MACHINE”. Below them sits a digital readout like you’d see on an ALARM CLOCK and a smaller dial marked “HEIGHT ADJUST.”. An identical readout lies directly beneath simply marked as “TIMER”.

Peering over the side, you spy another RED BUTTON on the bottom marked “EMERGENCY SHUTDOWN”, a LEVER with a ‘RELEASE’ sticker hastily plastered onto it, and finally a small box filled with what look like pairs of GOGGLES and SHOWER CAPS. Neato.

Yanking the RELEASE switch, you instinctively step back as the BOARD and TUBE LIGHT UP! With a dull HISS, the tube splits open as each side rotates to the back. SYBILS’ BINDINGS follow suit, removing themselves from around her and causing your friend to tumble unceremoniously to the cold floor! WHOOPS!

Scampering over to your prone friend, you cradle her in your arms as you address her--wake up, Syb, it’s STAN!

Your pal stirs, but remains silent--listening close reveals that while she definitely has a pulse and is breathing, Syb’s not waking up! Crap!

“Whadda’ we do?!” Ly asks, panic rising in his voice! You respond with a confused look--you don’t know! Usually she just wakes up on her own--in the past you’ve poured water on her face, pinched her, looked through her browser history--nothing ever reliably woke her up!

“Well we’ve gotta try SOMETHIN’!” Ly commands, glancing nervously towards the door, “Dis’ ain’t exactly a prime place ta’ grab a CAT NAP.”

You KNOW, but what should you do?! What could wake her up?

>SHAKE HER! SHAKE HER A LOT!
>USE an ITEM (WRITE-IN ITEM)
>C-CPR might w-work, right?
>Make some NOISE!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4797834
Getting tired on my end--should be ready for another update around 9-10AM PST tomorrow! Thanks again for playing along and hope to see you then!
>>
>>4797834
>WRITE-IN: Search the lab for a chrmical with a strong smell.

So you killed Art to railroad us into yuri? I hate you.
>>
>>4797834
>USE an ITEM (THE PILLS, BABY!)
>>
>>4798022
To specify, the FADED ones
>>
>>4797834
>Use the sound of the robotic duck honking to trigger her panic instincts.
>>
>>4797834
+1 to the strong smell idea, but let's try something more immediate and less science-y like our sock first before rummaging around for chemicals and accidentally giving her our level of brain damage
>>
>>4798021
Yes, all according to plan...

>>4798021
>>4798022
>>4798054
>>4798195
>STRONG CHEMICALS, PILLS, DUCK, SOCK

Hold onto your hats, folks--we're trying them ALL. Writing!
>>
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You take a few moments to rummage through your pockets for any suitable ‘WAKER-UPPERs’ and manage to find a few promising candidates! Placing the FADED PILLS, the REMOTE-CONTROLLED DUCK, and even one of your KITTY SOCKS on the floor next to Syb, you rub your hands together to get motivated!

“So erm…” Ly butts in, “What’s da’ plan here, cupcake?”

You smirk--try to follow along here: which of these would HE start off with? Ly’s ASTRAL PROJECTION quickly hovers over the items, quickly pondering each one. Finally he settles above the DUCK.

“We don’t know enough about those pills ta’ just shove ‘em down her throat,” Ly begins, “And while your sock might be enough ta’ KILL somebody, I don’t think it’s gonna raise da’ dead.”

Turning to you, your skeleton regards you with an expectant look on his face.

“Lemme guess, though--you’re gonna do somethin’ completely lateral ta’ rational thought and act like it’s the best course of action.”

You nod--yep, literals, courses, yep yep yep! But here’s the thing, Ly, you whisper as you lean in closer, sometimes you’ve gotta think outside the box. We don’t NEED to find out what wakes Syb up here--we just need to WAKE HER UP. Dig?

LY blinks, somehow. “I might be losin’ it, but when you put it like dat’ it almost makes some kinda’ sense!”

He’s not losing it, he’s EXPANDING HIS MIND, you reply as you tap your head for emphasis. Now shut up and help move Syb!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4798553
“I still think dis’ is a bit overkill.” Ly whines. Ignoring him, you adjust Syb’s position on one of the LAB TABLES so that her head is flanked by the DUCK AND a JAR OF GOO you scooped from one of the vats. For the finishing touch, you gingerly place one of your KITTY SOCKS and the aforementioned GOO JAR a hairs’-breadth away from SYB’S nose. When your pal refuses to stir from her sleep, you administer the coup-de-grace courtesy of the FADED PILL BOTTLE, dropping a few green and purple pills into her mouth. Satisfied, you step back a bit to admire your handiwork. Yes, you mutter to yourself, this will do just FINE.

Taking the DUCK’S REMOTE CONTROL in hand, you flick the switch and grin--if this doesn’t wake her up, you don’t know WHAT WILL!

“Er, Stan?” Ly interrupts, a hint of concern in his voice, “I’m not gonna try ta’ stop ya, but you oughta’ make sure Syb swallowed those pills.”

Rolling your eyes, you raise a hand in the direction of Syb’s still-comatose body--she’s FINE. If she was choking she’d be making weird sounds an-

Your explanation is interrupted by Syb making weird sounds. OOPS. Scampering over, you quickly massage her throat to get her to swallow the pills!

“How many did ya’ GIVE HER, anyways!?” Ly exclaims as you place the DUCK REMOTE on the LAB STATION. Enough, you reply! Like three or four!

“Christ….” Ly mutters, “Look, just make sure she doesn’t cho-”

https://youtu.be/mnS0y3yPHwM

You, Ly, and even Syb recoil at the ear splitting sound of a duck call, the latter slowly stirring from her nap! Covering your ears, you wince as the sound reverberates throughout your head AND the lab!

“TURN IT OFF!” Ly howls, gripping his own non-existent ears! Fumbling with the REMOTE, your eyes go wide as you notice the HONK BUTTON covered in GOO! Only after looking at the table do you notice the small puddle on the workstation--someone really should have cleaned this thing up!

“TOO BAD DA’ JANITOR WAS BUSY TRYIN’ TA KILL US!” Ly remarks, voice barely registering over the HONKING. “PRY IT LOOSE, DAMN IT!”

“P-p-please turn that off!” Pleads the voice over the intercom! “I can h-h-hear that all the way over h-h-h-here! I mean… I can hear that from FAR AWAY! V-v-vERY FAR AWAY!”

It’s too late now--you can barely hear Ly or anyone else over the HONK. If you don’t dislodge the button honk, everything will honk! Oh no, even your THOUGHTS are HONK! HOOONK!

HONK 1d100 to HONK! I’ll HONK the HONK of 3 HONKS!
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>4798559
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>4798559
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>4798559
>>
>>4798563
>>4798564
>>4798589
>Highest Roll: 53!
WRITING!
>>
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Honk REMOTE CONTROL honk honk BONE CLAWS honk into honk HONK HOand the button slowly becomes unstuck, turning the lab silent once more. Removing your BONE CLAW from the base of the HONK button, you peer closer and frown--you hope this thing won’t get STICKY or something!

“Who cares? It’s OVER.” Ly declares, prompting the two of you to wearily slump forward onto the lab station. Resting your head next to Syb’s, you frown--you almost woke her up! Why isn’t this working!?

Your thoughts are interrupted by a loud CRASH in the direction of the door! Startled, all you can do is watch as the lab doors are BLOWN OFF OF THEIR HINGES, careening across the room towards you and Syb!

“GET READY!” Ly growls as you whip out your CHINCHILL PUMP-ACTION! Drawing a bead on the door, you prepare for action as a host of silhouettes slowly wade through the smoke-filled doorway.

A pair of GOOD BOY SECURITY boots emerges from the fog, but you release your finger from the trigger as you recognize their owner--a cinnamon-haired girl looking extremely bored given the situation! Locking eyes with yours, she raises an eyebrow with an impressive amount of surprise given who she is!

“...Stan?” Mitzi asks, lowering her SMG. “What the hell are you doing to Syb?”

Taking a moment to examine your setup again, you quickly take a few steps from the lab station! You were just… It’s uh… It’s complicated!

“Is that who I think it is?” Comes a familiar voice from beyond the fog. Eddie, Tucker, and Kiki enter the lab behind Mitzi, each of them clutching smoking firearms close to their chests!

“Oh man, we’ve been looking all over for you!” Eddie sighs with relief.

“You’re not hurt, are you?” Tucker adds, adding a few more cartridges to his REVOLVER.

Kiki leans in towards Eddie, prompting him to nod. “Oh, uh… Kiki’s glad you’re okay too.”

Cocking her head to the side, Mitzi eyes you warily before putting a bullet in the SECURITY CAMERA. “So,” She begins, “You wanna fill us in on how your VISION QUEST led you here?”

You shrug--might as well, right?

>CONTD.
>>
>>4798717
“That explains a lot.” Tucker nods as you finish recounting the events leading up to the present. “Thanks for the duck support.”

“You were kidding about the BIGFOOT fight though, right?” Eddie adds, leaning against a VAT. Rolling your eyes, you nod--yea, you just added that in because some of them looked like they weren’t PAYING ATTENTION.

Sensing your pointed look, Mitzi responds with a hurt glance of her own. “Whaaat? I got the important bits! You tangled with Talbot, followed Syb here, and now we’re gonna track down the scientist. Easy.”

You cross your arms and frown--fine, she’s off the hook THIS time. Eddie raises a hand, prompting you to call on him. Yea, pal?

“Errr… So now that we’re back together, what’s the plan?”

You respond by raising an eyebrow--what, were they just hoping to run into you again to make decisions? Your entourage responds with several different coughs, head scratches, and other gestures that leave you with the impression that yes, they were.

Criminy.

“Tell me about it.” Ly whispers.

Before you decide on the next course of action, there’s one elephant in the room you’ve gotta address--don’t they wanna talk about you running off?

“Yea,” Mitzi responds, leading the charge, “But we’re kinda busy right now, right? We’ll sort that baggage out once we leave the Mad Science Lab.”

You blink. Okay, cool! You should run off into danger alone more often!

What’s the NEXT STEP?
>SYB was STIRRING, maybe they can help wake her!
>Let’s check out this LAMINATE TUBE!
>Get the SITCH from your CREW. What have THEY been up to?
>LET’S MEET the DOC!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4798719
>Let’s check out this LAMINATE TUBE!
Either this or we rush the nerd before she can run away or call in Tullabaloo to help her out.
>>
>>4798719
>LET’S MEET the DOC!
If we give her any time she may unleash some science abomination on us, whic hwill kill someone else from our crew, because Bones hates us as much as I hate him.
>>
Gonna keep this open a little longer because you know how I feel about tiebreakers! Thanks for your patience!
>>
>>4798719
>LET’S MEET the DOC!

As much as I want to wake Syb up, if we haven't managed it yet then we probably won't. Let's leave Kiki and Eddie to guard her and take Mitzi and Tucker to go find the doctor lady
>>
>>4798727
>TUUUUUBES

>>4798747
>>4798834
>DOC APPOINTMENT

Writing!
>>
While the big tube and robot seem pretty cool, you’ve got a DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENT to go to! Pointing a finger at TUCKER and MITZI, you gesture them towards the still-smoking door--they’re comin’ with you!

“Right behind ya.” Tucker nods, a smile behind his voice as he spins his REVOLVER.

“Was hoping you’d say that.” Mitzi grins, putting her WATER POLO MONTHLY magazine. That settled, you turn your attention to EDDIE and KIKI, both of whom look at you like dogs waiting for treats.

“Don’t even have to say it, boss! We’ll watch over Sybil!” Eddie reassures you. Kiki hefts her LIGHT MACHINE GUN and stuffs another chain of cartridges in before giving you a nod--Syb should be in good hands.

“One thing, Stan--” Mitzi interrupts, “We parked the van behind some crates in the ENTRANCE just in case we get split up.” Tossing you the VAN KEYS, she cocks her head towards the door and raises her SMG. “After you!”

Sending LY out for LYconnaissance, you and your pals stack up next to the lab door.

“We took care of what security we could find,” Tucker reports, “Though it looks like Syb did a lot of the work for us.”

You nod--you’re definitely buying her a sundae after all of this. Peering through the smoke, your eyes make out the outlines of several shapes on the ground--advancing reveals them to be several chewed-up skeletons, some soldiers, some Good Boy security. A few camera-like machines dangle from the ceiling, as well, their original shapes sculpted into modern art thanks to what you can only assume was a LOT of bullets.

“Turrets.” Mitzi whispers. “Pretty flimsy, but don’t let ‘em take you by surprise.”

Noted, you reply, leading the way with your CHINCHILL PUMP-ACTION. Emerging in a massive tunnel, a quick look at the bone-riddled floor reintroduces you to the guidelines you noticed in the ENTRY HALL--down the hall to your LEFT are a few lines marked CANTEEN, PROCESSING, and LAB B. SEC., ENTRY, and MAINT. All have lines leading to your RIGHT. Following your gaze, Tucker points his REVOLVER to the right.

“We checked SECURITY already--grabbed some more ammo, but most of it was cleaned out. Didn’t get to check out MAINT, though--I’m guessing that’s where we’ll head once something malfunctions.”

“Translation: we’ll probably go there later.” Mitzi mutters. “There’s still a lab or two to the LEFT--I’ll bet our pal is somewhere in there.”

“Coast is clear, Stan.” Ly reports as he floats up through the floor. “Gotta admit, these guys did a good job.”

Looks like you’ve got the run of the place… For NOW. Where to?
>CANTEEN. If you were gonna hunker down you’d do it there!
>PROCESSING. Hope that’s not where that SMELL’S coming from…
>LAB B. Scientists like labs, right?
>SEC. Maybe they missed something?
>MAINT. Maybe there’s something useful there!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4798912
>LAB B. Scientists like labs, right?
She's probably either here, or she scurried into maintenance to hide. Maybe we can have Ly in the walls checking for escape routes as we enter and search?
>>
>>4798912
>LAB B. Scientists like labs, right?
>>
>>4798916
>>4798917
>LAB B!
WRITING!
>>
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You wave your merry band to the LEFT--you can grab a snack later, but right now you’re headed for LAB B. Labs ARE a scientist’s natural habitat, after all!

“That’s right.” Mitzi replies with a hint of pride in her voice, “If that nerd on the intercom’s anywhere, it’s there.”

“Hope she doesn’t have any surprises waiting for us.” Tucker muses as he takes the lead. “If that whole ‘meek and pathetic’ thing’s an act, she’s definitely fooling me…”

The walk down the tunnel is surprisingly quiet--you don’t even have to step over any bodies anymore! Passing the entrance to the CANTEEN, you take a whiff of the air for any scent of food or otherwise--ZIP!

“We’ve got plenty in the van, don’t worry.” Tucker reminds you. “And that CURRY you guys picked up.”

You stumble a bit as you remember where it came from--You were gonna share that with Art, damn it… Your group goes silent after that, even after passing the entrance to a foul-smelling airlock marked PROCESSING. One whiff is all it takes to remind you of the BONE DISPOSAL area back at GOOD BOY--that scent never really goes away…

Turning the corner once more, your team is greeted with a veritable FORTRESS. Concrete blockades lined with outward-facing spikes block your path along with several floodlights readily pointed in your faces. Squinting through the light, you and your entourage come to the same realization…

“... Where’s the guards?” Mitzi asks, scratching her head. You and Tucker respond with a shrug as Ly heads over and back again.

“Place is deserted.” Your skeleton reports with confusion in his eye sockets. “Guess da’ others left or were wiped out…”

That’s cool and all, you begin, but what about the DOC?! Is SHE here?! Ly shrugs his ASTRAL SHOULDERS.

“Get a bit closer and I’ll check.”

Waving your pals forward, your approach is halted by Ly raising a spectral arm!

“Two turrets above da’ airlock. Watch yourself.”

Relaying the info to your pals, they ready their weapons as you sally forth. About halfway to the airlock, you hear a familiar irritatingly-frantic voice:

“N-NO! You… You don’t understand--that’s not… I… Y-you’re making a BIG MISTAKE!”

“Christ, I hope she doesn’t start CRYING.” Mitzi groans.

Yea, you reply, no THANK you.
>CONTD.
>>
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>>4799073
Reaching the entrance, you quickly scan the airlock--sure enough, the entrance is marked with a large B. Gotta ‘B’ the place!

“T-THAT’S IT!” The mousey voice screams over the intercom! “I’m sorry, b-b-b-but you leave me NO CHOICE!”

With a mechanical whine, two turrets drop from the ceiling a-

Wait, never mind--Tucker and Mitzi immediately fill them both full of lead, reducing the defenses to metallic hunks of Swiss Cheese. You hear what sounds like a muffled sob on the other end of the speakers, followed by more whining.

“.... O-okay… Erm, F-finally! A w-worthy adversary! Perhaps you have… Perhaps you have BRAWN, B-b-but let’s see if you have b-BRAINS to match!” As the voice punctuates that last sentence with the most forced evil laughter you’ve ever heard, a panel opens up on the side of the wall revealing a screen and some buttons underneath. As you and your crew regard the new sight, the monitor flickers to life revealing THREE RODS, one of which has FOUR DISCS stacked on top of each other in INCREASING SIZE!

The voice attempts another menacing laugh, but… Well, A for Effort.

“Y-yes… YEssss…. Your pale f-friend MAY have destro-um, BYPASSED my d-DEVILISH FOUR KEYCARD PUZZLES, but THIS one won’t be so easily circumvented! C-can you get the discs to the other side… smallest on TOP?!?”

You rap your finger against the monitor a few times and frown--shit’s BROKEN.

“N-no… You um…” The voice stammers, free of what little malice was there before, “You have to… The buttons. Use the BUTTONS, please…”

You press the buttons below the monitor a few times before throwing your hands in the air--this is DUMB!

Ignoring the insulted gasp from the intercom, you bring Mitzi and Tucker in for a huddle--you’re pretty sure you have another way in through the VENTS, maybe you can use that!

“She might run if we leave, though…” Tucker whispers as he puts his thinking cap on. “We could always stay here while you go, though.”

“Too bad we don’t have a KEYCARD.” Mitzi sighs, poking at a CARD READER next to the airlock with her STUN BATON. “Could open this thing up right now with the proper clearance…”

“Didn’t we pick up a keycard, Stan?” Ly reminds you. You certainly DID, but who knows what it would do if you used it?

“W-w-what’s wrong, um… SIMPLETONS? Too TOUGH?!”

“That does it--this creep’s gonna get a SWIRLIE.” Mitzi growls. “Stan, you take the lead, please.”

Sounds good to you! What’s the plan?
>PUZZLE! You can probably figure it out!
>DISTRACTION! The others can stay here while you VENT!
>Maybe that KEYCARD from TALBOT will work?
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4799074
>Maybe that KEYCARD from TALBOT will work?
>>
>>4799074
>WRITE-IN
"Mitzi or Tucker, one of you still have a phone?"

Use it to look up the puzzle and solve it. If they don't have a phone or that doesn't work, use TALBOT'S keycard
>>
Hey folks, Dembones via Demphones at the moment--laptop's acting funky so I might not be able to update for a while. Will keep you posted!
>>
>>4799335
No problem man. You should go to a bakery and get some Demscones!
>>
>>4799097
>>4799168
Good news: Computer's working again
Bad news: Got work early in the morning and I'm pretty wiped.
Good news AGAIN: I'll have access to my computer with all of my formatting and art saved on it!
Bad news AGAIN: Probably won't update until around 5-6PM PST tomorrow.

Thanks for your patience and sorry for the change of plans--hope you all have a good Monday! See you TOMBorrow!
>>
>>4799556
I don't get it.
>>
>>4799074
>Maybe that KEYCARD from TALBOT will work?
Even if you know the solution, Hanoi Towers are fiddly and lengthy to complete.
>>
>>4799074
>Maybe that KEYCARD from TALBOT will work?
>>
>>4799902
No joke--I was just dogsitting for a weekend so I was using another shitty computer without all of my resources saved on it. I'm back now, though!

>>4799097
>>4800092
>>4801106
>KEYCARD

>>4799168
>PHONE IT IN and THEN KEYCARD

WRITING!
>>
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You take a few moments to fiddle with the puzzle before an idea hits you like a TRUCK! Turning to your companions with a twinkle in your eye, you order Mitzi to whip out her phone!

“... Why?”

First, you begin, counting the reason on an outstretched finger, you’re the BOSS. Putting your orders under the microscope like this all the time will just hurt the gang in the long run!

Fourth, why even bother with this nerd’s puzzle when we can look up the answer on THE INTERNET?!?

NO!!!” Shrieks the voice over the intercom, creating a painful ringing noise throughout the tunnels! “P-PLEASE! Please just solve it normally! I-it took a l-lot of time to make that thing a-and put it in the wall, so… It would be polite…

You, Tucker, and Mitzi exchange a look.

“Alright, let’s look it up.” Mitzi decides, prompting another rendition of ‘The Sobbing Intercom’. Pulling her phone out of her pocket, the guard fiddles with it for a few seconds before giving the device a nasty look before letting out a defeated sigh.

“Right…. No internet.”

You shake your fist in anger--that boney bastard’s made quite a mess, but killing the INTERNET? Add it to the list of things Tim has to answer for!

“So,” Tucker interrupts as he tests the PUZZLE buttons some more, “What’s PLAN B?” You ponder the question for a moment before whipping out the JANITOR KEYCARD! The reveal has mixed results.

“... Worth a shot.” Mitzi grunts, kicking the airlock for good measure.

“Seems almost TOO convenient.” Tucker adds, examining the card closer. “Be on guard.”

Yea, yea, you reply, brushing the warning away! You’ve been avoiding dying for a few days now--you could practically write a book on it by now! Thinking up a title, you slide the card through the reader next to the airlock, then wait patiently.

“I-I--IF you can’t solve the puzzle, m-maybe you should come back LATER!” The voice over the intercom suggests! “M-maybe a t-t-trip to the l-library’s in order?”

NO! You shriek, causing Mitzi and Tucker to jump! You’re NOT GOING BACK! Did ABRAHAM LINCOLN GO BACK when crossing the DELAWARE? NO! Did AMERICA GO BACK when they were winning the VIETNAM WAR?! NO WAY!

Swiping the card through the reader rewards you with a dull BUZZ and a red light, but you KEEP TRYING! ART died so that you could visit this dump, and you’re not gonna let his sacrifice go to waste! STAN DON’T QUIT!

With one last primal yell, you slice the keycard through the reader! Lagging for a moment, you expect another buzz…

But instead get a GREEN LIGHT!

“Damn.” Tucker breathes, respect in his voice. You respond with a stoic nod--Hell yea.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4801772
The airlock slowly opens, releasing a cloud of icy air from behind it! Gripping your weapons tight, you and your team exchange nods--this is IT! The three of you raise your guns in the slowly-widening entrance, and as the frigid fog clears you’re met with a platoon of….

...Nothing.

“Huh.” Mitzi remarks. “Talk about disappointing.”

Responding with a quiet ‘yep’, you lead the way into the lab. Like LAB A, this lab is also dominated by about twenty large vats--each one housing a large, imposing figure obstructed by GOO.

Proceeding forward, you find yourself looking at what appears to be a colossal OPERATING TABLE, its surface bent, scratched, and stained with bits of ash and GREY GOO. Humongous shackles are attached to the table, each one warped almost beyond use! Beyond the table sits one last vat that dominates the room--the floor in front of it stained with gooey footprints almost as big as YOU.

“...Tarpit.” You mutter under your breath--this must be his PAD!

As the rest of your group joins you, you spot a flash of movement in the CONTROL ROOM overlooking the lab!

“Stan, over there!” Ly shouts, but by the time he finishes you’re already in the air! Your EMU LEGS BONEUS sends you flying through the observation window and smack dab in front of the most PATHETIC-LOOKING CREATURE you’ve ever seen: a petite girl in a lab coat several sizes too big for her with frazzled blonde hair and glasses almost bigger than her head! She’s even got a POCKET PROTECTOR! GEEK ALERT! GEEK ALERT!

Y-y-y-y-y-y-Y-y-you-” Stammers the scientist before tumbling onto the floor! Peeking at her nametag before she scuttles away towards a bank of monitors, you manage to place her name--DENISE VENAAS. Checkmate!

You’re quickly joined by Mitzi and Tucker as they burst in through the control room’s door! “Find her? Oh.” Tucker quickly trains his REVOLVER on VENAAS’ prone form, prompting Mitzi to take a few steps forward with a menacing look in her eyes. “Lookie here, Stan.” Flicking her STUN BATON on with a faint ZAP, the guard looks your way and smirks. “The doctor is IN, it would seem.”

Returning the grin, you slowly approach the dweeb’s position. Shaking like an alarm clock, the girl quickly retrieves a SCIENCY GUN from her lab coat and points it your way with shaky, sweaty hands!

Seriously, how the hell is she so SWEATY?

“B-b-b-b-B-b-BACK OFF!” She commands, nearly dropping the gun! “I-I..I-I-I...I-I-”

Oh jeez, you’ll be here forever at this rate. What do you do?
>Just RUSH her--you’re fast!
>Signal MITZI and TUCKER to DISTRACT her!
>TALK to her! Calm her down!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4801776
>TALK to her! Calm her down!
Open our arms for a hug.

"It's been hard being pushed around by Tim, hasn't it?"

Then as soon as she takes the bait and accepts the hug, SUPLEX HER!!!
>>
>>4801776
>>4801780
+1
>>
>>4801780
>>4801939
>HUG FAKEOUT

Sorry folks, The Shawshank Redemption was on and you know how it goes... Anywho, writing!
>>
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Lowering Mitzi’s STUN BATON for her (and only getting mildly zapped in the process), you motion for your companions to stand back and look at the scientist with gentle eyes.

“Wh-wh-wh-what are you d-doing…?” Venaas mutters, the SCIENCE GUN quaking in her white-knuckled hands. You answer by slowly lowering your CHINCHILL PUMP-ACTION to the floor as if it were a baby bird, then looking back up at her. Venaas’ panicked face slowly adopts a hint of confusion as her head cocks to the side.

“W-w-w-w-wh-”

Shaking your head as if to say ‘It’s okay!’, you gradually open your arms and drop to the floor on one knee before looking her in the eyes knowingly.

It’s been hard being pushed around by Tim, hasn’t it?

Wh-wh-wHO?!” She yelps, slowly lowering the gun. “I-he...It’s…

Hitting her psyche like a wrecking ball hitting a dam, you keep your arms open wide as she drops the gun and practically GLIDES into your open embrace, coating your shoulder with a foul marinade of sweat, tears, and snot.

E-E-EVERYONE I know is DEAD!” She sobs as you try to pat the driest part of her back. “A-and if I didn’t… If I didn’t DO anything, I would be TOO! a-and if I was dead... I could never cure C-CANCER, and if I n-never cured CANCER I wouldn’t get an a-award…. An-and if I never get an aw-award I won’t make any FRIENDS… I didn’t mean to do anything bad!” She babbles, pressing her face into your shoulder, “I was just so s-s-sca-

You don’t let her finish. Gripping her tighter, you give her a few more pats on the back and add in a ‘sssshhhh’ for good measure… She can save it, you know?

S-s-S-save…?” Yep, you nod, grinning from cheek to cheek!

SAVE IT FOR SOMEONE WHO CARES, NERD! Locking your arms around the blob of emotion in a vise-grip, you tuck your head in as you fall backwards, bringing her into the NASTIEST SUPLEX you’ve ever done! You don’t even need to roll, she’s JUST THAT WEAK!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4802428
Crashing into the ground with a muffled THUD, the scientist lays sprawled out on the floor as you snatch up your CHINCHILL PUMP-ACTION and line its sights up with the back of her head! Your pal DIED on the way here, damn it! Apologies aren’t gonna fix ANYTHING!

Brfrglmmprh-fmmhphhhrmhrhhrmmmm!” The girl sobs, prompting a new puddle of sweat and tears to form on the floor below her face. You, Tucker, and Mitzi all watch her for a while before Tucker decides to break the silence.

“We might want to flip her over,” He muses as he glances around the room, “If she stays like that she might actually drown.”

Rolling your eyes, you flip the scientist over with your foot and cross your arms--there, happy? Realizing she’s somewhat understandable again, the scientist wipes the tears from her glasses and clears her throat.

I…. I get it.. I’m horrible--terrible, even… I-I-I sent Talbie after you and g-gave in to those skele...Skeletons…

Mitzi fishes around in her pockets and produces a cocktail napkin. Dropping it on the crying girl’s face, she winces as the makeshift hankie instantly becomes soaked.

Y-you win… I t-t-told you to go, but it’s t-too l-late… I’ll TALK, just PLEASE D-DON’T KILL ME!”

You try to dislodge the napkin, but it just sits there. Ew. Anyways, after confiscating the SCIENCE GUN it looks like you have the advantage here--what do you say first?

>TALBOT! How do I get rid of that prick?!
>Why’d TIM keep you ALIVE? What’s the DEAL?
>That GENERAL was here--what’s his PLAN?
>You know about this LAB--TELL ME ABOUT IT!
>WRITE-IN
>>
Last post of the night, folks--got work again early tomorrow. Sorry for the break in posts--will reappear again TOMBORROW around 5-6PM PST! Hope to see you then!
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>>4802435
>TALBOT! How do I get rid of that prick?!
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>>4802435
>TALBOT! How do I get rid of that prick?!
We should probably ease up on her, or go Good Cop, Bad Cop, Okay-ish cop, and Overworked public defendant on her. The classic way they do in the movies.
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>>4802435
>TALBOT! How do I get rid of that prick?!
Or at the very least can he be communicated with?
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>>4802589
I just realized that we should keep her around. She's the only one working for Tim that likely isn't bound by his curse that makes them unable to talk like Rocky was. We could get some SERIOUS info out of her if we keep her alive and play our cards right, maybe takes her back to GB's safe area

Im the anon in the linked post on mobile btw
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>>4802447
>>4802541
>>4802589
>TALBOT!

>>4803835
>yfw your suplex puts her into a coma

Writing!
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>>4804186
Something about the way the sobbing mess below your shotgun is slowly drowning on a cocktail napkin tells you that you should ease up a bit, if only a little. You know what they say--you’re bound to catch more bees with honey!

“...Not how that goes.” Tucker remarks, shooting you a quizzical look. “Also you probably shouldn’t narrate your thoughts in front of a hostage.”

Waving his words away, you softly chuckle to yourself--it’s all MIND-GAMES, Tucker! Get with the program! It’s the classic GOOD COP, BAD COP routine, duh!

“Sounds good,” He replies, fiddling with his revolver, “but who’s who?”

You take a moment to survey your options--you’re CLEARLY the BAD COP--suplexes ain’t proper procedure… You think. As for the GOOD COP....

You spin your finger around in a few circles before pointing back to yourself. Gotta be Ly.

“YESSSS!” your bones gloat, pumping a spectral boney fist in the air! “Da’ classic BUDDY COP DYNAMIC! Gotta say, cupcake, when you’re right, you’re right!”

Sensing some disappointment from Tucker, you quickly point at him with a glint in your eye! Tucker’s the BY-THE-BOOKS COP WITH A SENSE OF HONOR THAT’S CONSTANTLY PUT INTO QUESTION BY A STRESSFUL JOB AND LOOSE-CANNON CO-WORKERS! The film student ponders your words for a second, then nods in acceptance.

“Works for me.”

That leaves MITZI. Looking back to her, you find your stalwart companion munching from a fresh bag of PICKLE CHIPS causing crumbs to drop on the now-soaked cocktail napkin. Raising an eyebrow your way expectantly, she seems somewhat satisfied when you explain that she’s the SQUAD CAR.

Bitchin’.

Your roles now solidified, you resume your interrogation with renewed vigor! Lifting the DWEEB up by the scruff of her office shirt, you do your best to mad-dog her eyes through her ginormous glasses. You’ve got QUESTIONS, DAMMIT! And nobody’s going home until they’re answered!

“Vrrrrroooooooooom” Mitzi adds, prompting you to shoot her a mean look. Sensing your ire, she goes back to eating her chips.

AS YOU WERE SAYING, you’ve got QUESTIONS! Venaas nods rapidly, pelting your face with tears and sweat!

Y-y-YES, of c-COURSE! I-I-I’m an open b-book!”

You snarl--this stuttering thing’s gonna be a pain...
>CONTD.
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>>4804319
Shaking the thought out of your head, you continue with your questioning--TALBOT. He’s HER Science Fair Project, so she’s gotta know about him! TALK!

Punctuating your last work with a quick NOOGIE, you immediately regret your decision when your knuckles come back covered in sweat! GRODY!

“Take it easy, Stan!” Ly interjects, “Your methods may work out on da’ streets, but in here we treat people like PEOPLE! Go cool yer’ head!”

Scoffing, you take a walk outside of the control room via kicking open the door Mitzi and Tucker came in. You don’t smoke, but you’d be willing to start right about now! Damn that Ly--always a GOODY-TWO-SHOES! He’s been that way since the chief paired you two up…

“Err, Stan?” Ly interrupts, voice free of good-boy bravado, “I uh… I can’t actually talk to her… You might wanna head back in.”

Ohhhh yea… Whoops. Returning from your SMOKE BREAK, you adjust your cap to a roguish angle and approach the scientist again. Talbot, you resume with a calmer voice, what’s his deal?

T-Talbie used to be the janitor here… The lab staff knew he was becoming a problem, but his compatibility with the Goodboynium Project doomed him… And saved him, in a way…Venaas explains, looking wistfully towards the EMPTY TUBE dominating the lab. You respond with your trademark Confused Scowl--hold on a sec: where’d her annoying stutter go?

I’m much more comfortable when explaining important information and scientific findings! Here, watch: I-I-I j-just l-l-love my j-j-job!

“Convenient for a scientist.” Tucker remarks, causing a slight grin to grace VENAAS’ face momentarily.

Anywho, We found that when coupled with Goodboynium-3 AND stimulated by some of the lich’s magic, Talbot could retain movement and some shred of consciousness while also demonstrating nigh-indestructibility! Unfortunately it put his body through irreconcilable changes…

Your frown deepens. ENGLISH, please!

EEP! Well, erm… We applied the GOO to Talbot as well as some RAW MAGIC from the lich and it made him almost invincible.

MORE ENGLISH!

We did SCIENCE to him and he became hard to kill!Venaas yelps, starting to lose her composure once again! You nod--good, hardly any three-syllable words!

>CONTD.
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>>4804327
“So wait,” Mitzi the Squad Car interrupts, “You’re saying there’s MORE of those freaks?” The scientist shakes her shaggy head. “Yes and no--we learned from previous trials that by itself Goodboynium is primarily a somewhat dull RESIN--viscous and durable, yes, but so is RUBBER CEMENT.

“But that’s where the MAGIC comes in.” Tucker adds, prompting a gracious nod from the doc.

Precisely--a marriage of SCIENCE and MAGIC sets off a reaction that turns the RESIN into an almost LIFELIKE substance--one that wants to protect its habitat, namely whomever or whatever it’s applied to!

Fishing a pen from her POCKET PROTECTOR, VENAAS holds it aloft before turning your way.

Observe.” Without warning, she tosses the pen your way! Oh crap, it’s an ATTACK!

ROLL 1d100+10 to DODGE! I’ll take the BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
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Rolled 60 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4804329
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Rolled 11 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4804329
Mitzi's 'vrooom' fuckin killed me.

Also have this attempt at some higher quality fanart instead of my usual tegaki shenanigans!
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Rolled 77 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4804329
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>>4804374
Congrats on the new tablet, man--you did a STANTASTIC job! Excellent work on the mop, too--surprised anyone remembered the hook on the end! Another fine piece for the IMGUR!

As for the vote, I'm gonna keep it open a while longer--those of you that voted already can roll again to speed things along!
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>>4804494
Posting just in case you didn't see- a third anon rolled like 2 seconds before that last post so we're at 3 rolls now
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>>4804368
>>4804374
>>4804493
>Highest Roll: 87

Whoops, a roll slipped by me when I made that last post! Writing!
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You don’t even wait for the pen to reach you--it’s too damn SLOW! Snatching it out of the air like a Zen Master, you send a toothy smile in Venaas’ direction--she’ll have to try harder than that!

Instead of more abject terror, however, you receive a triumphant smile in return!

S-superb! Like Stan, CHARGED GOODBOYNIUM actively DEFENDS its habitat from any invaders, be they bullets, knives, or even bites!

Rubbing your tooth still sore from your ‘experiment’ earlier, you raise an eyebrow--so it’s ARMOR. Kinda like a SKELETON.

Indeed!” the doc cheerfully replies! “Albeit more FLEXIBLE. We in the lab called it a ‘GEL-ETON!

“... I really wanna punch her, but that’s also REALLY cute.” Mitzi grumbles. Motioning for her to stand down, you keep the conversation moving: if it’s so great, why is there only ONE of him, huh? Knowing Tim he’d probably want an army of the things.

Venaas’ expression darkens a bit. “He did… Once the Talbot procedure was a success, we tried to replicate it on a few other candidates… Including some of the other scientists…”

“Let me guess--they’re the ones in the FISH BOWLS out there?” Mitzi asks, pointing a crumb-covered finger towards the MURKY VATS around the lab.

...Yes.” The doctor mutters quietly. “The others went to the fort--the lich isn’t fond of setbacks…

>CONTD.
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>>4804611
Alright, you sigh, cracking your neck, suppose you wanted to DEAL with Talbot. Preferably PERMANENTLY. Does he have an OFF-SWITCH or something?

Well…” The doctor replies, adjusting her massive glasses, “There’s no ‘OFF-SWITCH’, per se-

BAD-COP STAN leaps into action, grabbing the nerd by the scruff of her neck! That’s STUPID! MEGA STUPID! How could they forget an OFF-SWITCH!?

I-I-It was left out i-i-INTENTIONALLY!Venaas sputters! “T-the lich KNEW you’d try to kill him, so he forced us to leave out a killswitch!

“... And if he decided to turn on you?” Tucker asks as you drop the dork to the floor.

I believe the lich said it would be… HUMERUS…” The doc whimpers. That DICK!

So that’s it then, you sigh! You just have to whittle away at him for the rest of the quest? No way--it's enough of a slog already!

T-there might be something we CAN do…” The doc whispers. “But it’s not… Ideal…

You let out an angry sigh--when is ANYTHING ideal?! Intrigued, Mitzi motions for her to continue.

I-It’s risky, but… Well… We noticed something when testing Talbot’s abilities: during stress tests we saw changes in the molecular makeup of CHARGED GOODBOYNIUM.

“Changes?” Tucker asks, leaning inward.

It was… ADAPTING.Venaas explains. “The more damage we inflicted, the more AGGRESSIVELY DEFENSIVE it became--much like the pen experiment just now, Stanley, we found that the CHARGED GOODBOYNIUM would LASH out, eventually becoming something close to HOSTILE…

So, you continue, what happened next?

An attack. During a routine vitals check, Talbot, or rather his SKIN, lashed out and bisected an entire computer bank. Needless to say, we needed a solution.

Reaching into her lab coat, Venaas pulls out a SMALL PATCH.This patch penetrates the GOODBOYNIUM MEMBRANE and administers a hormone we synthesized here in the lab… We’ve found that it keeps Talbot docile. Sedated.

Wait, you interrupt with wide eyes, this whole time he’s been STONED?!

In a manner of s-speaking…” The scientist replies. “It also keeps the GOODBOYNIUM on the DEFENSIVE, hence his high durability. He came back here for regular doses--I fear that if he goes too long without the drug, he might become somewhat… Unpredictable.

“But more VULNERABLE, right?” Tucker asks, prompting an uncertain nod from Venaas.

Theoretically. The GOODBOYNIUM is too aggressive to protect its habitat--my colleagues and I believed that this would be the time to strike. Then again… There’s no telling what might happen if he goes without the hormone for too long…

>CONTD.
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>>4804615
So, you breathe, the short version is that Talbot’s WEAKER when he’s STRONGER, huh? BONEHEAD!

N-no… He can potentially be DAMAGED more while the GOODBOYNIUM is in an AGGRESSIVE state…” The doctor corrects.

You frown--this crap is COMPLICATED.

“Sure would be nice if we had him on our side…” Ly muses. Mulling over his words for a moment, you snap your fingers--that’s IT!

W-what is?Venaas asks, uncertainty in her voice.

What if, and this is a big IF, you preface, but what if you could just, you know… Talk it out?

Statistically unlikely.” The doc responds nigh instantaneously. “Talbot’s higher thought processes gave out shortly after his augmentation--communication is practically impossib-

Interrupting her with a FLICK TO THE FOREHEAD, you shake your head--those are all just EGGHEAD BUZZWORDS! There’s a JANITOR still in there, damn it, and you’re not gonna leave a kindred spirit to die because some freakish mad scientist said so!

”M-m-mad s-sc-scientist?!” The mad scientist babbles, reverting to non-explanation mode. “Even… E-Even if you WERE able to make contact, it’s impossible as long as that hormone is sedating him… Why-

You can almost SEE the lightbulb flashing above Venaas’ head! Rushing over to you, she grabs your shoulders with her tiny, sweaty hands and giggles excitedly!

T-THAT’S IT! That’s the best time to try!

Peeling her off of you, you gesture for her to rewind--try WHAT?

Th-the GOODBOYNIUM learns exponentially without the hormone… Perhaps Talbie can too! Normally I wouldn’t take the risk, but if it’s YOU doing it…” The doctor paces around the room muttering to herself, “Well, it’s certainly worth a TRY…

“Just don’t piss it off.” Mitzi helpfully adds. Before you can respond, you feel the doc shove a sweaty object into your hands. Looking down you see a SMALL RED PATCH.

I-it’s a NEUTRALIZING AGENT. It should remove ALL traces of the hormone from Talbot’s body, leaving you with the erm… Final Product.

Stuffing the patch into your pockets, you cock your head--how do you know this isn’t one giant trick to kill you? The scientist looks at you with a resigned expression.

T-T-The skeletons kn-know I’m talking t-to-to you… I’m d-DEAD already…

Then her look changes somewhat.

A-and maybe I believe in you… Even in the worst situations, you always won your CHESS MATCHES…

Wait, WHA?!

>CONTD.
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>>4804622
What do you talk about NEXT?

>Where IS TALBOT anyway?
>That GENERAL was here--what’s his PLAN?
>You know about this LAB--TELL ME ABOUT IT!
>Do we KNOW EACH OTHER?
>WRITE-IN

Aaaaand I'm passing out. Good news is that I don't have to go into work tomorrow, so I SHOULD be able to update around 9-10AM PST! Thanks again for playing and hope to see you then!
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>>4804624
>Do we KNOW EACH OTHER?
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>>4804624
>Do we KNOW EACH OTHER?
Full bonesday whoooo
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>>4804624
>Do we KNOW EACH OTHER?
Okay she kind of maybe definitely needs to join our team.
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>>4804685
>>4804767
>>4805285
>WHO ARE YOU?!

Writing!
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Hold the friggin’ phone for a second--what’s THAT supposed to mean? How the hell does she know about you being a CHESS GODDESS?

C-Chess Goddess?” Venaas replies, raising a sweaty eyebrow, “A-Anyways… I was THERE, Stan… I was um… I was one of the top players until you beat me a few times…

No WAY, you exclaim, she went to your SCHOOL?! Not possible, man!

Y-yep, we did…” She replies, adjusting her glasses nervously, “We w-were in the same Homeroom… You um… You probably don’t remember. Ha ha.

Nope, not at all! Good to hear, though--so she was a CHESS DORK as well as the regular kind, huh? Why’d she quit?

Y-you um… You kept winning. I eventually just g-gave up…” Venaas replies with a hint of disappointment in her voice. “N-No hard feelings, though! If y-you hadn’t stolen my dream, I wouldn’t have been forced out of m-my comfort zone! A-and if I wasn’t forced out of my comfort zone, I wo-wouldn’t have been bullied all of th-th-those years with no support g-group! A-And if I hadn’t been b-bullied mercilessly I wouldn’t h-have devoted m-my-my life to SCIENCE and getting r-revenge on the w-world that shunned me!

Take it easy, dork, you didn’t ask for her LIFE STORY! You chuckle, patting her sweaty back!

The doc looks at you with a vague attempt at a smile, “Y-you’re right… Wh-who cares? N-n-NOT ME! Ha ha!

>CONTD.
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>>4805660
“In dat’ case,” Ly interrupts, “Does she know SYB too?”

Hey, yea--why’d she try to kill your BEST FRIE- wait, she might still be mad at you.. Your MAYBE BEST FRIEND? Venaas gives you a confused look, but quickly snaps out of it!

O-OH! RIGHT! W-when I saw her te-tearing through the guards, it reminded me o-of that time she and Tommy Boychik broke up… T-the baseball diamond’s st-still scorched, did you know that?

That guy was a tool anyways--plus he looked a LOT better after that mullet was burned off. Anyways, what’s her POINT?

R-right! S-so when she passed out, I t-told security to st-stow her away safely! G-General’s orders!” You think she winks at you, but her glasses are too thick and cloudy to really show it. Processing what she just told you, you feel two wires connect in your head…

That was… That was actually kinda cool of you, Denny.

The scientist leaps back as if you had just jabbed her with a cattle prod! “C-C-C-COOL!? I-I-I-I-I-I-

She spends the next minute or so sweating and stammering, so you pass the time by examining her SCIENCE GUN--You’re no expert, but this thing kinda looks like a RAY GUN! NEATO!

Showing it off to Mitzi and Tucker, Venaas’ stammering finally winds down around the point where Mitzi asks you to try shooting a chip off the top of her head.

I-I mean, m-my name’s DENISE, b-bu-but you can call me whatever you like! C-COOL, huh…

Slightly put-off by the dreamy look plastered on her face, you decide to change the subject--at least you now know she wasn’t trying to kill Syb!

>Where IS TALBOT anyway?
>That GENERAL was here--what’s his PLAN?
>You know about this LAB--TELL ME ABOUT IT!
>WRITE-IN
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>>4805669
>WRITE-IN
"Alright Denise, every good police squad needs THAT GUY WHO LOOKS AT BLOOD OR SOMETHING. How about you join us? If you say no I'll suplex you again"

also

>That GENERAL was here- what's his PLAN?

Also we should probably go back to Syb soon if this works out.
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>>4805669
>That GENERAL was here--what’s his PLAN?
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>>4805678
+1 Having science support means that we have one more major base covered, plus maybe she and Syb can do some techno-dorkery together and make us some kind of haunted science zamboni
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>>4805678
>>4805745
>>4806030
>Recruit + THE BATTLE PLAN!

Writing! Sorry, had a few meetings to go to.
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Speaking of trying to kill people, you begin, THE GENERAL is next on your hit list--what does she know about him? Denise shrinks back at the mere MENTION of the guy, prompting you to repeat your question: what’s THE GENERAL planning?!

I-I-I kn-

You interrupt the doc with a frown--she’s explaining something, so no need for the stutter, right? As if flicking a switch, Venaas recovers!

Oh, right! I know a bit TOO much about him, to be honest. He and his men were here for quite a while. Besides keeping tabs on myself and Talbot, he was also working on completing a Special Project… OH!

Tensing up as she remembers something, the doctor begins pouring with sweat once again as she shoots you a guilty glance.

I… I’m afraid we might be in a bit of trouble…

DUH! You reply, rolling your eyes! There’s SKELETONS out to get you, your phone is DESTROYED, and you can’t even surf the internet anymore! They might as well rename the city to TROUBLEVILLE!

Y-yes, I too mourn the loss of the internet,” Venaas replies, nodding her fluffy head in agreement, “B-but I’m afraid we’ll have to add something NEW to that list of yours…

You blink--what could be worse than all THAT?! Adjusting her glasses, the scientist looks at you and your pals with a grave expression.

A-after Rocky’s sudden… Retirement, the lich became upset over how long it was taking his underlings to gather up bones… G-General Hawkes and his men came here to finish a project we had mothballed… One that turns GOODBOYNIUM into a powerful weapon--one that might be even worse than Talbot!

With a low growl you motion for her to hurry up--HOW bad is it??

I-if it’s added to, say, a large source of water, and survivors drink from it, well… This new compound reacts violently as it’s carried by the bloodstream to-

As you approach her with intent to NOOGIE, Venaas changes tack!

I-It MELTS EVERYTHING except for the BONES! T-The General took all of the compound he could by helicopter--he hypothesized that if he could poison the water supply, he could eliminate all the remaining humans in Clearwater!

That’s not THAT bad, you reply, just drink ORANGE JUICE or something! The professor shakes her head, sending beads of sweat all over the control room! GROSS!

Y-you don’t understand! A-any water at all can act as a vector! Even washing your hands with the wrong water would be enough--a-and if we can’t escape through that shield around the town…

“... Then it’s only a matter of time.” Tucker concludes from the console he’s leaning against. “Setting it all up might take a while, though, even if he’s already found a good place to put the chemical…”

Not long enough…” Venaas replies with a whisper.

>CONTD.
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>>4806279
So, you sigh, any ideas where he’d take that stuff? The rest of your entourage puts their collective thinking cap on and ponders your question.

“There’s that WATER TREATMENT PLANT up NORTH,” Mitzi remarks. “Might not be a bad place to start.

Y-yes, but it might not be sufficient enough for the WHOLE town…” Venaas mutters. “It would h-have to be something the WHOLE town relies on… Maybe even beyond that…

You all think for a moment more, and then like a switch being thrown you and the rest of the control room’s residents look up in realization!

“The DAM!
“The DAM!
T-Th-The DAM!
“Da’ DAM!
The OCEAN!

Responding to your friends’ disappointed looks with an irritated shrug, you scoff--it’s the biggest source of water! Read a BOOK!

“You can’t drink it though, Stan.” Mitzi calmly explains.

Says WHO?! What a waste!

A-anyways, that WOULD explain the use of helicopters…” The doc interrupts, prompting a nod from Tucker.

“Yep--that thing’s halfway out of town… Probably fortified like crazy, too…”

Still a bit annoyed, you let out a resigned sigh--guess that’ll be your next stop once you deal with your CURRENT Twelve-Foot Laser-Eyed HEADACHE. Sensing your glare burning into her face, Denise looks downward and smooths out the wrinkles in her skirt.

S-sorry again…

Sensing her discomfort, you once again approach the quivering ball of nerves in a lab coat and pat her on the back--say, you just thought of something! The doc replies with a cross between a sob and a ‘whuh?’

Alright Denise, every good POLICE SQUAD needs THAT GUY WHO LOOKS AT BLOOD OR SOMETHING. How’s about SHE fills that role?

W-well I’m no-not really big into conf-” Ignoring her muttering, you lock eyes with hers--well, where you assume they are behind the glasses, at least, and tell her in a hushed tone:

You’ll SUPLEX her again if she says no. As if you said the magic word she straightens up and gives you a nervous smile!

O-of COURSE I w-will! A-after all, you weren’t j-just going to LEAVE me here, r-right? L-leave me to d-d-d-die?

You shrug--well not when she puts it like THAT.

>CONTD.
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>>4806293
Shaking her sweaty hand, you make it official--welcome to the TEAM! Denise responds with a shaky, but still well-formed salute!

R-r-r-reporting for d-d-duty!

“Hate to interrupt,” Tucker interrupts, “But weren’t we supposed to be a GANG?”

You respond with a nod--of course! You’re all UNDERCOVER! Your explanation does little to satisfy the obvious confusion plastered on his hidden face.

“Okay… But does that mean we’re cops undercover as a gang, or-”

No, damn it--you’re a GANG! You’re a GANG undercover as COPS! Why is this so difficult to understand?! As Tucker begins to answer your question, the lab’s computers, lights, and electronics suddenly go DARK!

Snapping to attention, you ignore the sweaty scientist pressed into your side and scan the room--moments later the cool, blueish hue of the lab is replaced with the dull pulse of red emergency lights! As Mitzi and Tucker backpedal closer to you, you feel the lab around you start to SHAKE!

N-NO!” Denise yelps, scampering over to the rebooting computer consoles! What’s happening?!

I… He… Th-they! They’re LOCKING US IN!” She replies, frantically tapping at a keyboard! Joining her at the computer, you take a look at the screen and find…

… Lots of numbers and crap. Yea, you don’t really get it.

“How is that POSSIBLE?” Mitzi asks, SMG drawn and ready to party!

T-they must have r-remote access, bu-” Before she can finish her sentence, you hear the crackling of activity from the bank of monitors in the corner of the Control Room followed by a familiar barking voice…

“PROFESSOR VENAAS! YOU ARE NOW THIRTY SECONDS LATE TO YOUR FIVE-MINUTE CHECK-IN! EXPLAIN YOURSELF, FOUR-EYES!”

Shooting you a nervous glance, the scientist scuttles over to the monitors!

G-g-g-General! I-I-I was j-just coming b-back from the b-b-bathroom a-

“SAVE YOUR SPIT, MUSHMOUTH! PARBLE, YOU FREAKISH GREMLIN--I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! GET YOUR JUMPSUITED CARCASS OVER TO THE MONITOR NOW!

H-how do you respond?
>Just IGNORE him.
>Good evening! How can I help you?
>What do YOU want?
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4806309
>WRITE-IN
>"That's one hell of a jaw you have General, gonna be real tasty when I crack it open."
>>
>>4806309
>Just IGNORE him

Cover our eyes. If we can't see him, he can't see us
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>>4806337
>>4806410
>Ignore, but ONE-LINER if goaded into it!

Writing!
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“FRONT AND CENTER, YOU OVERGROWN HAMSTER! DOUBLE-TIME!” A new layer of tears forms over the dried ones under Denise’ glasses as she stares at you expectantly. Standing just out frame, you return her stare with a pout, arms crossed and feet PLANTED.

“Stan…” Ly begins, “What are you doin’, honey?” Remaining silent, you slowly cover your eyes with your hands, removing Denise’ confused and panicked face from view. To your friends’ credit, no one interrupts you or even whispers your name. Tucker’s most likely trying to play along while Mitzi just doesn’t care, you think to yourself. After a few more moments of silence pass, the general quietness in the control room is shattered by an annoyed growl from the monitors!

“REAL MATURE, PARBLE! WE’LL SEE HOW BIG THAT CHIP ON YOUR FREAKISH SHOULDER IS ONCE IT’S BURIED IN RUBBLE! SEE YOU IN HELL!”

Letting out a mixture of a yelp and a whine, Venaas grips you with surprising strength and YANKS you in front of the monitor. Muttering a quiet ‘sorry…’ under her breath, she turns you towards the bank of monitors and puts you face to face with a tall, broad-shouldered skeleton decked out a general’s uniform and hat, a pair of aviators, and a currently-smoking corn cob pipe. Sneering at you from behind his glasses, the skeleton spits a wad of something off-camera.

“WELL WELL WELL, IT DOES SPEAK ENGLISH! AND HERE I WAS ABOUT TO SHAKE THE TREAT BAG A FEW TIMES!” His pipe bobbing up and down as he talks, the skeleton looks you up and down appraisingly.

GENERAL BLAKE D. HAWKES: AMERICAN HERO AND VETERAN OF MORE OPERATIONS THAN I CARE TO EXPAND UPON. THE PLEASURE, YOU RAT, IS ALL YOURS!”

Narrowing your eyes at the boney blowhard, a toothy grin slowly forms on your face--That’s one Hell of a jaw you have, General, you say with a chuckle, Gonna be REAL tasty when I crack it open!

The skeleton on the other end of the monitor stands frozen for a moment, then bursts into a fit of cackling laughter!

“YOU TALK A BIG GAME FOR A DEAD ANIMAL, PARBLE! YOU MAY THINK YOU’RE HOT SHIT FOR KNOCKING OUT ROCKY AND HIS DO-WHOP GROUP, BUT YOU’RE STUPIDER THAN YOU LOOK IF YOU GENUINELY BELIEVE YOU’LL HAVE THE SAME LUCK WITH ME!”

“Dis’ guy’s a chatterbox, huh?” Ly muses as you stare each other down. Clearly he’s come to gloat, but is there anything you can get out of him?

>Figures you’d be too SCARED to get me YOURSELF.
>Not too late to GIVE UP, you know.
>Nice LIGHT SHOW--wanna tell us what’s going on?
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4806934
>Figures you’d be too SCARED to get me YOURSELF
>>
>>4806934
>WRITE-IN
>"Rocky was a chump for sure, didn't measure up to King or any of the others. But god at least his gang has some style, this is cliche."
>>
>>4806956
Gonna throw a +1 at this because it's on the money
>>
>>4806956
>>4806963
>CLICHES!

Sorry, made some dinner! Writing!
>>
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Placing your hands on your hips, you give The General a withering stare as you breathe a drawn-out sigh. Seriously?

“I ASSURE YOU I AM TOTALLY SERIOUS, PARBLE--YOU’RE TANGLING WITH A WHOLE NEW CUT OF CLOTH HERE!”

No, not that, you reply, maintaining your glare. Rocky was a CHUMP for sure--didn’t measure up to King or the others--But GOD, at least his gang had some STYLE. This right here? You conclude, drawing a circle around Hawkes’ face with your finger, is CLICHE’D.

If he had any veins left, Hawkes would have a big one pumping on his forehead right about now. “WH-SAY THAT AGAIN, YOU MOLE RAT! SAY IT AGAIN!

Look at him! Stuffy outfit, loud, barking voice, uninspired goons? At least you got a couple of gags out of the greasers--his guys are just TRYHARDS!

“WH-YOU… WE ARE NOT TRYHARDS! WE ARE THE BEST OF EVERY MAN WHO FOUGHT IN A CONFLICT IN THIS TOWN FROM HERE TO EGYPT! MY MEN ARE THE UNDYING SPIRIT OF-”

Yea, yea, yea, you mutter, gesturing for him to wrap it up. If this was a movie you’d CHANGE THE CHANNEL! Skeleton Soldiers? More like Skeleton SNOREdiers!

“THAT DOESN’T EVEN WORK! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW THE HALF OF WHAT WE’VE GOT PLANNED! NOT EVEN A QUARTER!

You respond with a yawn--yea, you hope this death trap of his is good--you’re dying of BOREDOM already!

“YOU MISERABLE MOP-JOCKEY! I-I’LL!”

He’ll what, keep YELLING? Wow, breaking new ground here, Hawksie. Pulling up a chair to slouch into, you look into The General’s now-vibrating shades with a look of complete and total disinterest. Was there anything useful he wanted to add? Maybe when you meet up with him you’ll be able to carve him into something interesting--that’ll be a change.

“....Try not to wander too far off,” Hawkes growls, “I don’t want to waste my men’s time picking apart rubble any longer then they have to.” Leaning closer to the monitor, he looks over the rim of his sunglasses at you with a murderous gaze! “No escaping this time, FREAK. Over and OUT.”

With that the monitor goes dead. Looking over at Denise, you find that she’s all but melted into a puddle of worry on the floor.

>CONTD.
>>
>>4807279
W-w-We’re DEAD....” The lab-coated blob mumbles, causing you to give her a pat on the head. You’ll be FINE, you say, you get death threats more than you BLINK nowadays!

H-h-He NEVER stops yelling… Y-y-you made him MAD!” The scientist replies, climbing back up to the console.

“It’s her gift.” Mitzi mutters, glancing out the control room window. “... That uh… That door DOES look locked down, though…”

As you glide across the floor in your swivel chair towards Mitzi, an ear-splitting klaxon causes you to tumble off of your trusty steed! Gathering yourself, you and your companions form a circle as a mechanical voice rings throughout the compound:

”EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! REACTOR APPROACHING UNSTABLE TEMPERATURES! ALL PERSONNEL EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY!”

https://youtu.be/lZSojT3vLsg

As if on cue, the control room is battered by a rush of sweltering air! Off in the distance you hear the sound of metal groaning as the whole facility begins to rumble!

I-I-I-” Venaas begins, but you interrupt: No time for stuttering--explanation mode! NOW!

There’s an ESCAPE TUNNEL through the CONTAINMENT AND PROCESSING AREA! We can leave through there!

Nodding to each other, your entourage files out of the control room and down the stairs to the airlock, but like Mitzi said, it’s now covered by a massive BLAST SHIELD!

“CRAP!” Tucker shouts, smacking the butt of his REVOLVER against it. “... Can we open this?”

Maybe from the control room…” Venaas mutters. As you make a break for the computers again, you’re interrupted by the crash and subsequent HISS of a large steam pipe breaking loose from the ceiling and landing audibly on a bank of computers in the lab below! Like a fiendish chain of Dominoes, the destruction of the computers sets off a chain-reaction of sparks and groans from the several CONTAINMENT VATS around the lab causing Denise to visibly DEFLATE.

That… That’s not good…

Yea, you agree, you’ve played enough Blood-Sucking Freaks to know what’s about to happen next! Not waiting to find out, your team ascends the stairs once more and begins fortifying the control room as your pet scientist mashes the keys on the console! WELL?!

E-Everything’s been reprogrammed! I can try to figure it out, but we might not have much time…

Peering over Denise’ sweaty shoulder, you’re distracted by a growing cluster of CRACKS forming on the CONTAINMENT VATS--though nearly drowned out by the facility falling apart and the obnoxious klaxon, you can definitely hear it…

Something’s trying to break OUT.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4807281
“Stan!” Tucker shouts, pulling you from your unsettling discovery! Turning around to face him, your face tells him all he needs to know!

“What about the others?” He asks in a hurried voice. You shrug--they’re still in LAB A...

“Is there any other way to lift this lockdown besides trying PASSWORDS?!” Mitzi asks, propping a desk against the Control Room Entrance! Denise wearily looks up from the console, her hair dripping with even more sweat than before!

M-MAINTENANCE has a MAIN FUSE ARRAY that can be tripped--it might not bring the facility back from its current level, but it SHOULD cycle the BLAST DOORS…

Mitzi shrugs at you. “Guess we’re operating on SHOULD...”

“How are we going to get there? That door’s not budging…” Tucker muses. As you contemplate your options, you feel Ly tug your head upwards towards an AIR VENT!

“Lemme guess--BINGO.” Ly remarks, to which you nod. As you prepare to share your findings with the group, your explanation is interrupted by the sound of crashing glass outside the window… And the moan of something not entirely human…

Snapping to get their attention, you poke a finger towards the vent--that’s your exit! Motioning them to gather up furniture, Denise shakes her sweaty head.

I-I n-need to stay here… T-the ESCAPE TUNNEL won’t open without proper authorization…

SHIT, and you just know something’s gonna go down in here! Tucker and Mitzi look at you expectantly, clearly awaiting your decision.

“Leave me, take me, whatever works, Stan.” Mitzi reassures you with a stoic face.

“Likewise.” Tucker nods as he checks his revolver.

What’s your plan?
>EVERYONE TOGETHER but DENISE. We’ll get this done QUICK.
>(CHOOSE ONE: TUCKER/MITZI) can stay here, the OTHER comes with ME!
>You can ALL STAY--I’ll handle it!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4807284
>You can ALL STAY--I’ll handle it!
This seems like a one person job, and I honestly don't trust Mitzi alone here. Don't forget we've got a mole.
>>
>>4807284
>You can ALL STAY--I’ll handle it!
>>
>>4807297
>>4807336
>YOU STAY. I GO. NO FOLLOWING.

Writing the LAST UPDATE of the NIGHT!
>>
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Sounds like this job will take SPEED, and you’ve got that in SPADES! Lining yourself up with the vent, you turn to address Mitzi and Tucker--their job is to keep the NERD alive while you go flick this MAIN FUEL ARRAY on and off!

F-FUSE ARRAY!” Denise exclaims, wiping a layer of new sweat off of her forehead! “I-It’ll be near the back--look for the BLUE light! Turn it off, wait three seconds, then back on! Y-you’ll know if it worked!

Nodding to her, you turn your attention back to your pals--they gonna be alright?

“Yes, if you HURRY...” Mitzi grunts as she loads up her SMG.

“We’ll handle this.” Tucker adds reassuringly. “Just go while you can!”

With one last salute to your gang, you LEAP into the VE-

OOoOOooW! FUUUUUCK! A slight miscalculation in your trajectory causes you to smack your head into the ceiling and tumble to the floor in a heap. Righting yourself before any of your associates can comment, you take a small step to the LEFT and leap again, clearing the VENT COVER with one deft slice of your claws! Back at home in your air duct element, you begin scurrying through as a chorus of unsettling screeching echoes from where you just departed!

“We gotta head back to da’ ENTRY HALL, yea?” Ly asks as you scramble through the vents! With a curt nod, you turn a corner and emerge once again in the VENT PLAZA. Leaping to the SOUTH SIDE, you hastily scoot through the remainder of the ducts and hop into the ENTRY HALL once more.

You’re only about halfway to the tunnel marked MAINT. when you realize something’s off...

“BEHIND YA!” Ly shouts, prompting you to tuck and roll away from a well-aimed beam of light! Regaining your footing, you spin around to find your favorite stalker, Venaas’ prized creation, and the previous lab janitor TALBOT staring down at you from a hole in the wall close to the hall’s massive ceiling! Clearly worse for wear, the behemoth takes a few steps before leaping from the hole, landing with a tile-shattering CRUNCH into the center of the hall!

“Stan,” Ly hisses, “We don’t got TIME! RUN!”

Staring into Talbot’s glowing red eyes, you can almost see the faint outline of a bony face…

What do?
>RUN! Get that FUSE settled!
>The PATCH! Put it ON HIM and DIP!
>ATTACK! Wear him down a little!
>WRITE-IN

That's it for tonight--sorry if it sounded rushed! Got work early tomorrow, so expect another update around 5/6PM PST! Thanks again for playing along!
>>
>>4807480
>RUN! Get that FUSE settled!
Nah we ain't doin this yet, the long heartfelt conversation can happen after we evacuate this place and get a sick explosion. Then we slappa da patch
>>
>>4807480
>RUN! Get that FUSE settled!
>>
>>4807480
>RUN! Get that FUSE settled!
>>
>>4807480
>RUN! Get that FUSE settled!

Save our friends first, get out of the lab, then befriend the giant skelemonster.

Im this anon on mobile >>4807336
>>
>>4807513
>>4807533
>>4807568
>>4808056
>RUN!

Sorry folks, been cooking dinner since I got home. Will write an update soon!
>>
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You feel the SMALL RED PATCH tumble in your pockets as you take a few cursory steps back--no, now’s not the time. Watching you like a cat about to pounce, Talbot clenches his massive fists and fills the ENTRY HALL with a deafening series of CRACKS.

Yea, nah.

Spinning on your heels, you take off in the direction of the tunnel marked MAINT. praying to any deity watching that it isn’t a dead end! Massive thuds on the tile uncomfortably close behind you tell you all you need to know--your stalker isn’t about to let you go this time!

Following the winding tunnel as fast as you can, your face and nostrils are assaulted by a wave of hot, ashen air. Wherever you’re going, it sure as hell ain’t safe!

Turning the corner and ducking under a wide swipe from Talbot’s tree trunk-sized arms, the two of you emerge in a sprawling maze of pipes, machines, and more steam than you can shake a stick at--Good Boy’s Boiler Room could take notes! The telltale burn in your eyes tells you there’s smoke as well, and where there’s smoke...Not bothering to take in the sights, you vault over a low guardrail and tuck and roll onto a metal catwalk below!

Rising to your feet, a foreboding groan of metal from a cluster of shaking pipes behind you urges you to back away quickly. Talbot follows close behind, landing where you had just hopped away from! Stomping towards you menacingly, the two of you barely notice as the shaking of the pipes on the wall intensifies, Talbot’s landing acting as the camel that broke the PIPE CAMEL’S back!

“Stan, GET DOWN!” Ly howls as the pipe detaches with an ear-piercing screech!

Roll 1d100+10 to TAKE COVER! I’ll take the BEST OF 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 49 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4809438
>>
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Rolled 97 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4809438
DOOOOOOODGE!
>>
>>4809469
Damn, son.

Gonna leave it open a little longer for one last roll--players who rolled once can do so again!
>>
Rolled 81 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4809492
Coming in hot for a 2nd roll!
>>
>>4809459
>>4809469
>>4809498
>Highest Roll: 107!

Speaking of hot, those were some SPICY rolls! Writing!
>>
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Sensing a change in air pressure, you dive to the ground as the catwalk is ROCKED by a fiery blast! Feeling the wave of heat pushing you towards the catwalk edge, you extend your BONE CLAWS and dig into the catwalk as best you can! As the whole thing tumbles into the mass of smoke and steam below, you use your grip to push off the falling walkway and hop to an adjacent catwalk!

Close CALL!” Ly breathes as you scramble to your feet, chest heaving from the rush! You barely have time to regain your balance before a sequence of explosions rocks the rest of the MAINTENANCE AREA, showering the colossal area with sparks, flame, and debris! Charging forward, you barely avoid being pancaked by a massive pipe falling from the ceiling! You do your best to blot out the klaxons, crackles, and crunches from your ears as you get your bearings--Denise said the FUSE BOX was in the back…

“And ta’ look for da’ BLUE LIGHT!” Ly reminds you! As if on cue, you barely manage to make out a faint BLUE LIGHT past an obstacle course of pipes, catwalks, and, as an added bonus, clusters of what appear to be LIVE WIRES crackling like snakes along lengths of walkway. Quite a jungle you’re in!

“Dat’s not da’ worst bit...” Ly mutters as he cranes your head backwards. Your walkway groans in protest as a mass of LIQUID METAL coils from below around a guard rail.
You mutter a quiet ‘oh SHIT’ as your years of Survival Horror Game Experience help you understand what’s happening!

https://youtu.be/rrF-stnJPi8

A familiar form ravaged by steam and flames emerges from the smoke below--TALBOT. Rising to the walkway with help from his brand new TENTACLE ARM, you finally get a glimpse of the ex-janitor’s face--a metallic skull wearing a perpetual look of rage. Metal ‘skin’ constantly rearranging itself on his body, Talbot’s mouth curls into a hateful sneer!

STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!” Roars the specialist, whipping his new arm in your direction!

Barely dodging to the side, you turn tail and run in the direction of the faint BLUE LIGHT! Squinting through the steam and smoke you can almost intuit a path via catwalks, but another side of you, the PARKOUR SIDE, tells you there’s a faster route--one via the tops of the now-collapsing maintenance consoles and machines!

No time to think--Talbot 2.0’s making damn sure of that! What do?!

>Take the SAFE path--you can’t mess this up!
>Take the PARKOUR path--EFFICIENCY!
>SLOW TALBOT DOWN!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4809520
>Take the PARKOUR path--EFFICIENCY!
If there is an opportunity to do Parkour, we are taking it.
>>
Sorry to cut things short, folks, but work was crazy today and I'm pretty wiped. I'll check back in tomorrow around 5-6PM PST for some more shenanigans. Hopefully I'll be more energetic tomorrow!
>>
>>4809520
>Take the PARKOUR path--EFFICIENCY!

>>4809538
I hate you Bones.
>>
>>4809520
>Take the PARKOUR path--EFFICIENCY!
>>
>>4809520
>Take the PARKOUR path--IT'LL BE FUN!
>>
>>4809529
>>4809584
>>4809994
>>4810076
>PARKOUR!

I knew you'd all pick the right choice.

Normally I'd apply a PENALTY to the roll here because of how COOL and DANGEROUS this is, but your BONE SPEED cancels it out!

Roll 1d100 to PARKOUR! I'll take the BEST of 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>4811073
I can feel the energy in this roll
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>4811073
HARDCORE PARKOUR!
>>
>>4811119
>>4811141

Alright, feel free to re-roll if you've already done so. Gonna keep it open until we get a third!
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>4811243
>>
>>4811267
Comin in clutch with the only decent roll.
>>
>>4811119
>>4811141
>>4811267
>Highest Roll: 72

Close one, but nice one! Writing!
>>
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To your credit, you eye the somewhat safer route through the electrified and collapsed catwalks for at least a few seconds! Once you’ve caught a whiff of PARKOUR, though…

“Stan…” Ly warns, tone betraying that he’s quite aware of what you’re planning, “Just… Be careful, alright?”

Always am, you reply! You take a moment to stretch before beginning LE RUN, but the blast of burning red light you barely manage to dodge convinces you to cut things short. Ignoring the groaning of the catwalk behind you, you feel the platform dip downwards as you scamper to the side and LEAP!

Just barely avoiding a mass of metallic tentacles, your jump carries you away from the catwalk and onto the top of a melting computer terminal. Quaking under your sudden landing, the hardware ferries you towards a huge pipe embedded in the flame-ridden floor, its other end raised in the air begging you to run up it! Leaping off of the terminal before it crumbles into a melted heap, you use the end of a dangling wire to swing to your next target as a cluster of catwalk components whizzes by you! A glance backwards says it all--what was once Talbot now creeps towards you with a mass of liquid-steel tentacles in place of its arms and legs! Sensing your notice, the specialist tears away another chunk of MAINTENANCE SECTOR in its new appendages and chucks it your way! Thankfully your wire-led tour comes to an end just in time and deposits you onto the pipe!

Landing with a barely-audible squeak, your voyage towards the BLUE LIGHT is interrupted by another series of explosions on the wall close to your perch! Pipes, wires, and other metal bits pepper the pipe as the warning klaxons grow even LOUDER!

”EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! REACTOR APPROACHING CRITICAL TEMPERATURES! ALL PERSONNEL EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY!”

Yea, you spit, thanks for the reminder!

Your goal is in sight--you just need to go a little further!

STAAAAAAANNNNNN!

… Then again, so does he!

Roll 1d100 for the FASTEST AND MOST EFFICIENT WAY POSSIBLE! I’ll take the BEST OF 3 ROLLS! You can do this!
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>4811366
And this...is to go even more efficiently!
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>4811366

YEAAAAAAAAAH
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>4811366
>>
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Now Bones, you're a reasonable man. I'm sure we can come to an arrangement for... 'overlooking' these rolls.
>>
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>>4811374
>>4811377
>>4811383
>Highest Roll: 32

>>4811395
Response included in the pic! Writing!
>>
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Scampering along the pipe, hope swells in your heart as your destination glistens mere feet away like an oasis in a desert! An EXPLODING desert! Stepping over a few more bits of debris, you leap for the railing between you and the next section of non-sunken catwalk!

That’s when you smell something burning.

The scent of cooking meat greets you as you fly through the air, and it takes you a moment or so to realize that it’s coming from YOU, specifically your now-sizzling hip!

The minute you locate the source, everything catches up with you. You grit your teeth as a sensation akin to someone holding a branding iron to your side creeps up your side and sears the flesh on the rest of your torso and the top of your leg! Your jump didn’t anticipate the pain, and your frantic attempts to pat the burning flesh out throws off your trajectory, sending you crashing to a set of catwalks dangling perilously over the orgy of flames and debris below!

Your leg gives out as you land and you fall quite unceremoniously onto the thin metal floor of the catwalks, your thoughts clouded from the pain. The FUSE BOX… Where IS it?

“Oh cripes, Stan!” Ly exclaims, doing his best to help you to your feet, “Are you… It’s above us! We're...We’re almost dere’! Just stick wit’ it, cupcake!”

The effects of Ly’s attempts at encouraging you fall flat as a familiar set of glowing red eyes descend to your level. Oh, perfect timing! Talbot hangs suspended in front of you from a mass of metallic tentacles dripping with the goo you saw earlier in the labs. Narrowing his eyes at you once more, you feel a change in the already heavy air pressure as they light up for another attack! If you can slip by him you can reach that FUSE BOX, but you’ve gotta be QUICK!

Roll 1d100-5 to slip by! Careful, though, that wound still smarts! I’ll take the BEST OF 3 ROLLS! Last one, I swear!
>>
Rolled 1 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>4811416
>>
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>>4811418
God has forsaken me.
>>
>>4811416
>>
Rolled 58 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4811416
>>4811421
Forgot to roll but I’m not sure it matters
>>
Rolled 76 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>4811418
>-4 on a roll
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>4811416
We got a 1% chance for a 100, lads...
>>
>>4811427
Guys I swear my previous rolls have been pretty based please don't vote me off the island
>>
>>4811418
>>4811423
>>4811427
>>4811428
>Highest Roll: WHOOPS, CRIT FAIL!

Hoo boy. Writing!
>>
>>4811447
Consider: mercy
>>
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Clutching your side, you stare Talbot down, neither of you daring to make a move. The place isn’t getting any LESS on fire, though, so after a moment or so of careful consideration, you decide to GO FOR IT!

Letting your BONE SPEED carry you, you scramble for the quickest route upwards, watching your stalker for any sudden movements! As you get to the edge of the catwalk, you see a tentacle move out of the corner of your eye--instinctively dodging to the right, you feel a gust of air whip by your face, then-

An impact. You continue running, but you don’t seem to be going anywhere… Quite the opposite, actually--you seem to be stuck. No matter how much your legs move, you don’t seem to be making any headway… Almost as if you’re in the air or something.

“Oh… Oh no…

Rolling your eyes, you quickly mutter to Ly to quit his whining--you just need to get free and get your bearings!

Weird… Something felt funky when you did your patented ‘eye-roll’. Your right eye’s fine, but the other…

That’s when you feel something foreign scraping against the back of your eye socket. That and the rush of warm, viscous liquid dripping down your cheek.

“Just… Just hang on, honey…” Ly whimpers. You’re blinking, Ly! You’re blinking but nothing’s friggin’ HAPPENING!

Swatting the inky blackness in front of your left eye, your hand connects with something odd--a long appendage with the same texture as the goo from your MOP!

You lash out blindly with your BONE CLAWS and inadvertently send yourself tumbling out of the tentacle’s grasp! Still reeling from the scratching in the back of your eye socket, you only barely manage to grab the side of a catwalk. As your stomach slams against the side, you feel the wind knocked out of you, but you can’t let that get in the way! Sensing more movement from your right, you climb over the railing and stumble up a flight of stairs, tripping on the last step in your panic!

“Please, Stan…” Ly pleads, “Just a little further, honey--you can do it!”

Scrambling on all fours, you charge in the direction of the BLUE LIGHT and crash into a bank of switches and lights! Finding the corresponding switch, you flick it as fast as you can and wait for the results!

”EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! REACTOR APPROACHING CRitica….”

You slump against the controls and let out a massive breath. That’s a little better…

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4811487
One second.

Two.

Three.


Flicking the switch again, you feel the room shake as several processes start up once again!

WARNING! WARNING! POWER TO BLAST DOORS LOST! USE CAUTION! EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! REACTOR APPROACHING CRITICAL TEMPERATURES! ALL PERSONNEL EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY!

You hazard a sigh of relief--there goes those blast doors. At the very least your pals can-

“TUCK AN’ ROLL, STAN!” Ly shouts! Moving on autopilot, you duck just in time to avoid another burst of heat whizzing past your head and into the FUSE BOX behind you, showering you with sparks and flecks of melted metal and plastic! Looking back and forth between the box and your attacker, you smile through the stream of blood running down your face--nice try, moron, but it’s TOO LATE! You did it!

STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!! Talbot roars, thundering towards you on a host of shining tentacles! Not keen on getting hurt any more, you dart in the direction of:

>The LONG WAY BACK--longer, but safer!
>The QUICK WAY BACK--You only need ONE EYE for PARKOUR!
>TALBOT. This guy wants Stan? You’ll GIVE HIM STAN!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4811489
>The QUICK WAY BACK--You only need ONE EYE for PARKOUR!
Activate emergency protocols
>>
>>4811489
>The QUICK WAY BACK--You only need ONE EYE for PARKOUR!

Because who needs depth perception for parkour? :)
>>
>>4811495
>>4811514
>QUICK WAY!

Roll me 1d100-10, please--Fast way + Side Wound + Eye Probs ain't gonna make this one easy. I'll take the BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

On another note, I'm falling asleep at the computer here, so we'll try to pick this up around 9-10AM PST TOMORROW! Thanks for playing and hope to see you then--don't worry, we'll get outta this!
>>
Rolled 2 (1d100)

>>4811538
>>4811487
Art fuckind died for the same.
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>4811538
>>
Rolled 92 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4811538
>>
>>4811829
I swear I typed “-10“ there
>>
>>4811831
You have to type "+-10" because 4chan code a shit.
>>
>>4811542
It's a crit-fail, anon--shit happens. I could kill Stan too, but then who's gonna be the protag? BORIS?!

>>4811542
>>4811544
>>4811829
>Highest Roll: 82

>>4811831
I gotcha, man!

Writing!
>>
>>4812083
>who's gonna be the protag? BORIS?!
Well it IS a crit-fail.
>>
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>>4812094
>Touché.

The QUICK WAY BACK! At least… You THINK it is. Adrenaline’s a helluva drug. Using the searing pain in your side and jagged stings in your left eye socket as motivators, you sprint towards the flailing dark mass that is now Talbot and dive between a few flailing tentacles! Feeling them snap around the space you just passed through, you tuck and roll onto another console, then use your momentum to leap onto a collapsed railing, sliding down it like a skater before snagging a lose, sparking wire and riding all the way across the inferno that is now the MAINTENANCE area.

As you hit the relatively safe concrete in front of the tunnel leading out, you do your best to wipe some of the sweat and ash-riddled blood from your face, you take one last look behind you and sigh--wherever that REACTOR is, it’s definitely not doing too hot!

Spotting Talbot emerging from the smoke and steam, you make your way out of the fire and back into the frying pan just as a fresh set of explosions rocks your impromptu obstacle course--time to pack up and hit the road.

“Don’t forget da’ van in da ENTRY HALL!” Ly reminds you as you scurry down the tunnel, “Should still be behind those boxes!”

Emerging back where you came from, you’re greeted by tremors, flickering emergency lights, and even a few chunks of concrete falling from the walls. Like Ly said, you spot the tail-end of the van peeking out from behind a stack of crates in the corner. The tunnels leading back to the labs seem relatively intact, but who knows how long that’s gonna last? As you survey the situation, you hear a familiar voice crackle over the intercom along with several reports of firearms!

S-STAN! I-I-If you can hear this, you DID it! W-W-We’re about to move from LAB B, b-but we could use some help! T-the ESCAPE TUNNEL is OPEN, w-we just need to reach i-LOOK OUT!

The announcement is punctuated by an unearthly howl. Looking back you don’t see any signs of your pursuer, but you’d have to be pretty dumb to think that he’s down for the count!

What do?
>Get the VAN! Who cares about debris?
>Leave the VAN--too big!
>Grab some STUFF from your IN’VAN’TORY!
>AMBUSH TALBOT!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4812120
>Get the VAN! Who cares about debris?

Under the assumption we're using the van to pick up our pals at the lab
>>
>>4812120
>Get the VAN! Who cares about debris?
>>
>>4812144
>>4812159
>MAN THE VAN!

Writing!
>>
You find yourself shaking your head--of COURSE you’re getting the van! The Trio would never forgive you if you left it to blow up in a violent chain reaction caused by an unstable and possibly radioactive reactor in a top secret, high tech lab facility!

...Ooh. Yea, you oughta scoot, huh?

“Glad we’re on da’ same page.” Ly mutters, dragging your bones towards the van. Silently unlocking the doors and hopping into the driver’s seat, you stick the keys in the ignition and try not to linger on the bloody mess currently occupying your eye you see in the mirror.

“Are uh…” Ly stammers, dancing around the words, “Are you gonna be alright, cupcake?”

You shrug--could be worse. Eyes grow back, after all! Your skeleton begins to say something, but stops mid-grunt--good, you’ve got some FRIENDS to pick up! Thankfully the van starts without a hitch, sparing you the cliche of frantically cranking the ignition as a killer approaches from behind! As the engine lets out a healthy purr, you make a mental note to thank Cliff and the guys the next time you get the chance--they might just save your life!

Speaking of, you just might save some yourself! Pressing down on the gas pedal, you take the van around a few pieces of rubble in the direction of the labs hoping that this ESCAPE TUNNEL is at least two lanes wide…

If it wasn’t clear before, it definitely is now--the once sterile, albeit corpse-ridden tunnels are now strewn with loose pipes, chunks of cement, and a thick layer of steam obstructing the already dim emergency lights. Squinting through the chaos, you keep both hands on the wheel as the facility rocks with the telltale signs of imminent doom!

“Keep an eye peeled,” Ly reminds you, “Don’t wanna run anyone over…”

The only person you’re gonna run over is that NERD, you growl in response! If she hadn’t made that trenchcoat-wearing freakshow…

“Too late now,” Ly mutters, “All we can do is learn and move on, right?”

Yea, you sigh as you swerve around a large pipe, today’s been REALLY educational!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4812292
Aside from a few close calls from some falling chunks of wall, your trip to the other side of the labs goes off without a hitch! Doesn’t stop you from keeping Ly on lookout duty though.

“Hard ta’ believe someone dat’ big can just VANISH!” He sighs as his ASTRAL FORM returns to the van. Clearly he wasn’t paying attention during that Bikini Ripper movie marathon back in October… Killers ALWAYS find a shortcut!

“Yea, forgive me if I wasn’t exactly attentive.” Ly scoffs. “Oh hey! OVER THERE!”

Turning the corner to LAB B’S AIRLOCK, you find yourself in the middle of a warzone! SYB sits propped against the side of the tunnel, still comatose while KIKI and the ROBOT from earlier are set up on the opposite side of the barricades taking potshots at what looks like…

Oh DAMN IT.

A host of corpses warped by GOO shamble towards you, howling in pain as thin tendrils poking out of their torsos slice the air erratically! Hearing the squeal of your tires, the ROBOT turns your way and gives you a quick wave!

“Stan! Perfect timing! Grab Syb!” Raising your one good eyebrow, the question brewing in your head is quickly answered by EDDIE emerging from the BATTERY HATCH and giving you a friendly salute! What the HELL?!

“Act now, think later, cupcake!” Ly replies as he points your head towards SYBIL. Relenting for now, you hop out of the van and get to work in retrieving her! KIKI watches with interest as you hobble over to your unconscious friend, especially concerned with the still singed flesh near your hip. Sensing her concern, you give her the best grin you can manage right now, prompting her to go back to filling the GELETONS full of lead! DAMN IT, now YOU’RE saying it!

Lifting Syb into your arms, you thank the GOD OF METABOLISM for keeping her so damn thin--this would be a lot trickier if she wasn’t! Shuffling to the back of the van, you manage to open the doors and unceremoniously plop the goth onto the van’s seats, snapping a seat belt around her waist for good measure. As you prepare to rejoin your pals, Eddie’s mechanized voice rings out above the chaos!

“STAN, INCOMING!

As if on cue, a human-sized blob of GOO lands with a wet PLOP in front of you--looking down the tunnel you see a GELETON recovering from a throwing motion before it’s gunned down.

“THEY’RE TOUGH! CAREFUL!”

Politely waiting until Eddie finishes his shouted explanation, the goo at your feet slowly forms into one of the shambling abominations currently giving your pals a hard time down the tunnel. Moaning in pain, the thing staggers in your direction as a cluster of whip-like tendrils emerge from its back, their tips forming into scythe-like blades!

>CONTD.
>>
>>4812301
This dick's blocking your path to the others--What’s the plan?!

>SLICE ‘EM UP with BONE CLAWS!
>The GOO MOP! Maybe that will get ‘em!
>You still haven’t tested the SCIENCE GUN…
>FLAMETHROWER! You KNEW you’d need one!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4812303
>FLAMETHROWER! You KNEW you’d need one!
>>
>>4812303
>You still haven’t tested the SCIENCE GUN…

As an aside, figued I should ask other anons while we still have some time. When we get out of this mess, we should probably report it to GBDB, but should we tell them about Venaas? Bring her to them? Etc.
>>
>>4812303
>You still haven’t tested the SCIENCE GUN…
>>
>>4812315
>Flamethrower!

>>4812334
>>4812357
>Science Gun!

Get your goggles on, folks, we're about to do an experiment!

Roll 1d100-5 to begin the test! I'll take the BEST of 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 42 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>4812457
>>
Rolled 50 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>4812457
>>
Rolled 61 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>4812457
>>
>>4812488
>>4812502
>>4812565
>Highest Roll: 57!

Nice save! Writing!
>>
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>Shit, meant 56. Guess Stan’s rubbing off on me.

Remembering the strange gizmo Venaas pulled on you, you swiftly draw it from your pockets and aim what you assume to be the shooty end at the gelatinous freak approaching you. Depressing the trigger with a satisfying ‘BEEP’, you feel something in the raygun-like body of the weapon heating up! As the gun continues to hiss with excess heat, your hand starts to feel a bit uncomfortable--is there something you’re missing here?!

“Try RELEASIN’ DA’ TRIGGER!” Ly suggests! You remove your finger JUST as the Skelly-Jelly lunges, causing the weapon to emit a green flash before releasing a superheated ball of energy that makes your hair stand on end! Upon connecting with your attacker, the goo enveloping it fizzles away like water on a pan, burning a hole through the remaining bones to boot!

It doesn’t stop there, though! Before you can cool your hand off, you watch as the projectile continues down the tunnel barely missing Eddie and burning the goo off of another unlucky GOO REJECT! Glancing at the weapon in your hand, you feel a goofy grin plaster itself on your face--holy CRAP!

“You can say THAT again!” Eddie remarks! “Where’d you track that thing down?”

You got it from that jerk, you reply, pointing at the group of people shooting their way through the LAB B AIRLOCK. Kiki and Eddie hold their fire as your pals Tucker, Mitzi, and even Denise wade through the downed Gelatons! While Tucker crosses with Denise, Mitzi takes a moment to unload a few more bullets into some of the creeps.

“Good job!” Tucker remarks, patting you on the shoulder. “... We’re gonna have to look at that eye, though.”

Later, you grunt, jabbing your thumb towards the van. Back’s open!

W-w-W-we j-just need to get to pr-Processing d-d-down this tunnel and we’re free!” The doc explains before being hauled towards the back of the van! Your weapon now sufficiently cooler than it was before, you turn to Mitzi and gesture for her to hurry the hell up!

“Just keepin’ ‘em from following us!” She fires back! Satisfied after a few more bursts from her SMG , she hurries towards your group, but freezes as something snags her foot! Of COURSE.

Struggling against a coil of goo wrapping around her leg, Mitzi fumbles with her STUN BATON. Looks like she could use some help!

“Please tell me you can still aim…” She replies weakly as the bullet-riddled Geletons slowly rise from the ground!

ROLL 1d100-5 to help Mitzi out! I’ll take the BEST OF 3 ROLLS! You don’t have to use your SCIENCE GUN if you want--feel free to write in your strats along with your vote!
>>
Rolled 83 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>4812629
Stash the gun. Not risking melting out friend's leg off with our luck.

Let's dig the hook of the mop into the good guy and try to yank him off her.
>>
>>4812629
use our flamethrower instead. should be somewhat safer to burn it off with that.
>>
Rolled 45 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>4812902
forgot my roll somehow
>>
>>4812851
>>4812907
Sorry folks, was cleaning. Feel free to roll again if you haven't already--looking for that THIRD roll!
>>
Rolled 17 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>4813196
Honestly scared to roll a 1 again
>>
>>4812851
>>4812907
>>4813279
>Highest Roll: 78!

Tonight got a little busy and I'm pretty wiped, so expect an update around SUNDAY 9-10AM PST! Thanks for your patience and see you then!
>>
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>>4813448
You’re not exactly keen on getting any more friends killed today, directly or indirectly, so in a surprising show of wisdom you stow the still-toasty SCIENCE GUN into your pockets and trade it for your trusty TELESCOPING GOO MOP! Vaulting over the barricades, you stop next to Mitzi and curtly tell her to hang tight! Sensing more prey, the GELETON closest to you whips their tendrils in your direction, but your BONE SPEED and tough mop allow you to swat them away!

As the failed experiment recovers from you parrying its attack, you immediately swing your mop around and stick the hooked end into the pseudo… Psuper… Uh… The GOO FOOT THING enveloping Mitzi’s leg! Your mop bending like a fishing rod with a bite, you pull back with all your might and grin as the goo is pulled away!

“Obliged!” Mitzi says with a smile before filling the horde of GELETONS with more lead! Feeling the goo you snagged with your mop go slack, the two of you turn tail and flee towards the van!

“What the hell happened to your eye?!” Mitzi asks, mid-jog. Talbot, you reply, your hip burning with each stride. Satisfied, the guard remains silent as you both reach the van safely. Eddie and Tucker wave to you from the driver and passenger’s seats, prompting you to look with disdain at the ROBOT just discarded on the floor like a sock! It’s slow as molasses, sure, but that thing had FIREPOWER! We’re just LEAVING it there?!

The facility shakes with another distant explosion causing a chunk of the ceiling to plummet right next to where the van’s idling. Gesturing to the new piece of abstract art, Eddie looks back at you and nods.

“...Yep, we’re leaving it!”

“Too heavy for the van.” Tucker adds, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “We don’t exactly want to be changing tires here, do we?”

Looking back at the slowly approaching horde of skeletons, you shrug--fair enough.

Or IS it?!

>Get in the VAN! LEAVE THE ROBOT!
>Get in the ROBOT! You can FOLLOW ‘EM!
>Have someone DRIVE THE ROBOT!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4814252
>Get in the VAN! LEAVE THE ROBOT!

Might have a tracking device or leftover goo that could hurt someone from the battle just now- too risky.
>>
Gonna have to leave this open for a while--got some family stuff happening today in less than an hour. I should be able to check in later in the day, but I'll keep you all posted! Thanks for your patience!
>>
>>4814252
>Get in the VAN! LEAVE THE ROBOT!
I still hate you Bones.
>>
>>4814252
>Get in the VAN! LEAVE THE ROBOT!
>>
>>4814288
>>4814402
>>4814557
>LEAVE IT!

Writing!
>>
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Yes, you nod to yourself, it IS fair enough. In fact you’d be willing to say that it’s MORE than fair--robots are cool and all, especially ones with high-caliber weaponry, but for all you know it might have some sort of TRACKING DEVICE on it or something. Hell, what if it becomes SELF-AWARE? No way are you gonna come along for the ride while this thing plugs in the OVERMIND!

“Errr, Stan?” Eddie asks, unease in his voice. Before you can react, Mitzi comes around the corner of the van and drags you into the back like a kidnapper. Slamming the doors behind you, Mitzi peers through the viewport between the back and front of the van and raps her knuckles against it!

“All aboard, time to go!”

Cranking the wheel to the side, Eddie swiftly spins the van around and takes you all in the direction of the PROCESSING & DISPOSAL area!

“Should be in between LAB B and da’ CANTEEN...” Ly remarks as you take a seat next to Syb’s still-comatose form. Lightly placing your hand on her shoulder, you silently watch her slowly breathe in and out and sigh--what the hell are you gonna say to her after all of this?

“‘Sorry’?” Mitzi’s bored voice takes you out of your bout of contemplation. Looking her way you surprisingly find her NOT reading a magazine or eating chips, but staring at you directly with a hard-to-place look on her face. You respond with a shrug--yea, but she’s the one who-

“Don’t fall into that trap, Stan,” She interrupts, shaking her head. “Some people ride that ’He Said, She Said’ carousel their whole lives and never get off. You guys rely on each other--don’t ruin it trying to suss out who started it.”

You respond by looking up at the ceiling, letting her words seep in a bit. Maybe there’s some wisdom there?

“BUMP!” Eddie warns before taking the van over something big! Nearly tumbling out of your seat, you stomp over to the viewport and frown--you’re not gonna have to get out and push, are you?

“Maybe!” Eddie replies, taking the van around a massive fallen pipe!

A light tapping on your shoulder causes you to spin around, then look downwards. Standing behind you is Denise, biting her lip and looking to the side as she holds out a MEDICAL EYEPATCH!

I-I-f-found it in a f-First Aid Kit… Th-this is all my fault anyways…

Bracing yourself against the side of the van, you gratefully take the MEDICAL EYEPATCH and put it on. The fabric material is soft, yet snug--quite an improvement! Rewarding Denise with a headpat, you and everyone in the back of the van tumble against the viewport as the vehicle comes to an abrupt HALT! The HELL!?

“Ohhhh CRAP.” Eddie mutters.

>CONTD.
>>
>>4815296
Piling off of each other, the passengers in the back of the van slowly regain their bearings and return to their seats. Rising to your shaky feet, you take a moment to peer through the viewport and, in turn, the front of the van. What’s the deal!?

The deal, it turns out, is the PROCESSING & DISPOSAL AREA, or rather what’s LEFT of it. The bulkhead doors sealing it off from the tunnels lie in a heap in a veritable LAKE of MOLTEN GOO flowing from several busted vats! Several catwalks hang perilously close to the burning liquid, each one leading to a small control room.

T-T-THERE!” Denise shouts, squeezing in next to you and pointing! You’re not sure how she notices through the thick cloud of smoke covering the processing area, but squinting with your one good eye allows you to make out the faint outline of a tunnel near the back marked with a square of red lights!

Th-th-THAT’S the ESCAPE TUNNEL!” The doc confirms, her voice losing enthusiasm near the end of the sentence. “B-but… This sp-spillage might make things d-difficult…

“Ya think?” Mitzi asks, joining in on the viewport party along with Kiki.

“I’d rather we didn’t try to drive through that stuff,” Tucker grunts as he crosses his arms, “But we’re in a hurry…”

N-Not to worry!” Denise answers with a glint in her glasses! “We j-just need to activate the DRAINAGE SYSTEM! Noth-nothing simpler!

Great, you sigh, how the heck does that work? The scientist responds by pointing at the CONTROL BOOTH above the ESCAPE TUNNEL!

Th-there in the control booth! With just a pr-press of a button, the Goodboynium should be drained in no time!

“And if it doesn’t?” Mitzi asks, pushing Denises’ head out of the way to get a better look.

W-well that would be very unl-lucky… I-It’s an EMERGENCY SYSTEM, so if it didn’t work…

Kicking the van doors open, you stretch your arms before hopping out the back--sounds easy enough: climb the catwalks, find the button, get the hell out! Simple!

“Need any help?” Mitzi asks, thumbing her STUN BATON.

“Sorry, gotta keep the van running!” Eddie adds with a shrug. “I’ll keep Syb safe, though!”

M-m-ME too!” Denise mutters as she buckles into the van. “I-I’m confident in your abilities!

>Looks like you can take some HELP with you: KIKI, MITZI, AND/OR TUCKER. Who’s it gonna be?

>ALL of ‘EM!
>I’ll take (INSERT PEOPLE HERE)
>I’ll go ALONE!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4815303
>I’ll take (INSERT PEOPLE HERE)
Tempted to bring Denise so we can bond with her, but I'll let her hide. Let's bring Kiki this time, I don't think we've hung out with her yet. We can Tucker or Eddie too.

Btw not trying to be a smartass, just curious- did we lose the left eye or right one? Text says left but in the picture it's the right.
>>
>>4815334
You're not being a SMARTASS--I'm being a DUMBASS! Totally meant to draw on the other eye. Whoops.

Because Eddie said he's watching the van, I'm gonna assume you mean:
>TUCKER
and
>KIKI

Writing!
>>
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You motion to KIKI and TUCKER--they’re gonna be covering your ass this time! Both nod in assent, the former adding a new chain of cartridges to her LIGHT MACHINE GUN, the latter reloading his REVOLVER with a speedloader.

“We’ll just sit tight here!” Eddie explains as your group passes the driver’s window. “Listen for the horn just in case, though, alright?”

“No daredevil crap.” Tucker orders, poking a finger at your driver. “And keep an eye out, okay?” Eddie gulps nervously as Kiki joins in with an ‘I’m watching you’ gesture. That settled, the three of you head in the direction of the catwalks!

The platforms creak under your combined weight as your team climbs the metal stairs leading to what you hope will fix this whole situation.

“We might want to spread out a bit,” Tucker advises, pulling his mask closer to combat the thick smoke, “Just in case these things don’t like our combined weight.”

Not keen on falling to your death just yet, you make a little elbow room as you approach the CONTROL BOOTH. As the smoke gets thicker, however, you find yourself reaching for your PAINTER’S RESPIRATOR and immediately feel the benefits of its handy filters! Your remaining eye now stinging MUCH less, you take a moment to scan the vats the goo leaked out of, causing Ly to pop out and investigate as well.

“Seems kinda… Off, don’t it?” He asks, darting off to examine the closest vat. You nod--you’ve got a hunch that explosions didn’t do this--not that they’re helping the current situation, of course!

“Hold dat’ thought.” Ly responds before flying off into the smoke. As he does his business you slow down enough for your pals to catch up.

… And for you to take a breather--how does anyone JOG for this long? It ain’t human!

Kiki and Tucker join you on your section of the catwalk and catch their breaths almost immediately. You and Tucker glance downwards at the SEA of molten goo below you as Kiki waves to the van idling in the entrance.

“Must have been quite the place, huh?” Tucker muses, causing you to raise an eyebrow in confusion. Mustawhatnow?

“This lab.” Tucker replies, framing the scene with ‘DIRECTOR FINGERS’. “We visited a server farm before for a sci-fi flick idea we had--that’s the only thing I can really think of that comes close to the sheer size of all this!”

Yea, you respond, it’s pretty b-

A dull groan from the catwalk shuts you up pretty quickly--that’s right… No time for breaks!

You barely begin moving again before you spot Ly rushing back with a panicked look on his face.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4815537
The skeleton practically tackles you as his ASTRAL FORM re-enters your body!

“STAN!” He pants, “You gotta MO-”

Before he can finish, the layer of smoke is penetrated by two massive beams of red light! Before you or your team can shout a warning to the van, the lasers dice the wall above the entrance, creating an avalanche of molten concrete! To his credit, you watch as Eddie takes the van out of the concrete’s way…

... And closer to the searing goo. SHIT. Your ride now sandwiched between two slowly approaching death traps, you focus your attention on where the lasers originated.

https://youtu.be/slwzpRxCLDc

“Oh boy...” Tucker whispers as he raises his REVOLVER. You almost hear Kiki say something too as she raises her weapon, but no dice--she’s too quiet. Guess you’ll have to ask her later. If later happens, that is!

As if on cue, a colossal shape emerges from the curtain of smoke carried by a mass of liquid metal tentacles and dotted with glowing red eyes! Coiling several massive tentacles around your catwalk, Talbot, or what you THINK is Talbot, lunges forward as a bestial roar escapes from its gaping maw!

Was he trying to say Staaaaaaan again? You thought it was much better that other ti-

“STAN,” Tucker shouts, “What’s the plan here!?”

Your way forward and back are blocked by TENTACLES and you can already feel the walkway groaning under the pressure! You could probably blast a way out, sure, but what about the big guy himself? He seems to be avoiding the goo, but there’s also that PATCH Denise gave you that should remove the LIMITING HORMONE... Maybe that will open up his mind a bit for talking?

The question is, do you wanna risk him getting even ANGRIER if you can’t reach out?

What do?
>CLEAR a PATH and RUN!
>KNOCK HIM into the GOO!
>The PATCH! Maybe you can TALK!
>WRITE-IN

>Last update of the night, folks--got work early tomorrow! Should be ready to run again around MONDAY 5-6PM PST. Thanks again for playing and hope to see you again then!
>>
>>4815538
Don't knock him into the goo, it's just more Goodboynium.
>The PATCH! Maybe you can TALK!
>>
>>4815591
+1
>>
>>4815538
>The PATCH! Maybe you can TALK!
>>
>>4815538
>The PATCH! Maybe you can TALK!
Use everything we got- bring up his journal- maybe read some entries, talk about how he's still a janitor at heart, try and relate with him etc. etc. We know there's a good Evening Sanitation Coordinator deep down in that mess of goop!
>>
>>4815591
>>4815918
>>4816457
>>4816693

>PATCH!

Let's see how this plays out! ROLL 1d100-5 to INSTALL THE PATCH on this CREEP! I'LL TAKE THE BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

>>4816693
I'll keep this write-in in mind assuming this patch thing works out. More dialogue to follow, hopefully!
>>
Rolled 25 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>4817133
>>
Rolled 36 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>4817133
Come on dice, give this one to us!
>>
Rolled 63 - 5 (1d100 - 5)

>>4817133
>>
>>4817137
>>4817244
>>4817307
>Highest Roll: 58!

Writing!
>>
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Clutching the SMALL RED PATCH in your ash-covered hand, you steel yourself in front of the viscous horror in front of you--despite it all there’s still a JANITOR in there, damn it! You’ve gotta TRY!

You gesture for Kiki and Tucker to UNLOAD ON THAT SUCKER and dart for the cluster of tentacles wrapped around the catwalk! As your pals draw his attention with a barrage of lead, you deftly PARKOUR up the beast’s tendrils, gritting your teeth through the pain shooting through your hip and eye socket!

You’re still undetected as TALBOT 3.. err… 4? No, wait… Talbot WHATEVER.O HE IS NOW sweeps the catwalk with his tentacles sending it rocking violently back and forth on its wire supports! Clinging to the walkway for their lives, Tucker and Kiki use the opportunity to retreat towards a smaller CONTROL BOOTH and duck inside just before the beast rips the catwalk apart like tissue paper!

“Guess we ain’t goin’ dat’ way…” Ly mutters. No time for quips--you’ve got a PATCH to install! Creeping up to Talbot’s body, or rather what’s left of it, you crouch down and deftly remove the patch from its packaging… Something tells you that you aren’t gonna be able to re-apply this thing if it falls off!

A break in the gunfire causes you to look friend-ward just in time for you to lock eyes with the beast! Looking back at you in a mix of surprise and rage, Talbot lets out another room-shaking roar! Slapping the PATCH on the closest bit of ‘skin’ you can find, your celebration is cut short by a tendril coiling around your legs and dragging you into the air!

OOOOOH JEEZ!, you groan as you feel bile rising into your throat!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4817400
Struggling to hold on to your hat as Talbot whips you around like a crappy fairground ride, you do your best to duck and weave as several bullets whiz by you and embed themselves into the monster’s metallic skin! WATCH IT!

You wait for the main attraction, namely a gruesome death starting with your legs being crushed into powder, but it doesn’t come. Hanging upside down like a pair of sneakers wrapped around a streetlight, you reorient yourself to face Talbot as his new face twists with pain and… Confusion?

You’re no expert, but you could write a book on being perplexed! Looking into Talbot’s murderous red eyes, you’re sure of one thing: he’s THINKING.

“HOLD TIGHT, STAN!” Tucker shouts as your pals send another hail of bullets your way! Recoiling at the noise, the beast jerks away from the gunfire with a look of awe on its face--What the hell’s going on!? Whatever it is, you motion for your friends to cease firing--you’re not exactly keen on becoming FONDUE!

“Whatever it is, dis’ might be our CHANCE!” Ly hisses nervously! “Now or never, cupcake!”

No longer getting shot at, Talbot turns his massive head your way and studies you as if he’d just met you! You’re not dead yet, but your next decision might change that! How do you BEGIN to even reach this guy?!

>READ the JOURNAL! Maybe it’ll jog his MEMORY!
>TALK about WORK! You both HATE GOOD BOY!
>COMPLIMENT HIM? GUYS LOVE that CRAP!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4817401
>READ the JOURNAL! Maybe it’ll jog his MEMORY!
>COMPLIMENT HIM? GUYS LOVE that CRAP!

If the journal is anything to go off of, there's a kindred spirit hiding in there if we can draw him out
>>
>>4817401
>READ the JOURNAL! Maybe it’ll jog his MEMORY!
>TALK about WORK! You both HATE GOOD BOY!
We've both gotten hung out to dry pretty hard by the company. The only reason he is even fighting us is because they did this to him
>>
Gonna leave this open--something tells me it's gonna be a big update and work was a DOG today. Should have an update around 5-6PM PST on TUESDAY! Hope to see you then!
>>
>>4817401
>READ the JOURNAL!
If we've learnt anything from this quest, it's that embarrasment is a greater motivation than anything.
>>
>>4817401
>READ the JOURNAL! Maybe it’ll jog his MEMORY!
>COMPLIMENT HIM? GUYS LOVE that CRAP!
>>
>>4817427
>>4817434
>>4817495
>>4817772
>JOURNAL!

Writing!
>>
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Maybe being upside-down is giving your brain a little more blood than usual, but whatever the reason you quickly come up with an idea! Ly, quick--the JOURNAL!

Doing your best to ignore Talbot’s red eyes burning curious holes into your side, you feel your skeleton reach into your pocket with your non-hat-holding hand and retrieve TALBOT’S JOURNAL from your inventory! Thanks, babe!

“Happy ta’ assist!” Ly replies amicably as you open the journal one-handed. Let’s see here… Wait a minute! Your eye goes wide as you try and fail to decipher the text in the journal--you’re not blind, but the page you land on is about as familiar to you as Calculus! Look, Ly, you hiss, CIPHERS! Talbot here must have written these pages in code in case Good Boy found it!

Holding the book steady while your skeleton reads, you glance nervously around the room--Tucker and Kiki sit in firing positions with looks of confusion on their barely-visible faces. Talbot himself quickly realizes that if he moves the tentacle he’s holding you with, it makes you swing back and forth. Fun.

With an all-too-familiar annoyed sigh, Ly finishes his analysis of the journal. Well? Can he DECODE IT?

“It wasn’t easy, but…” Ly finishes his sentence by flipping the journal over in your hand. “It was upside-down, honey.”

...No one appreciates your creativity. Reexamining the journal, you find that it was, in fact, not written in code. Clearing your throat, you begin the first-ever reading of Talbot’s Journal, making sure to try and capture the original author’s intonation AND voice! The journal practically reads itself--as you follow along with the hasty chicken-scratch, you almost feel as though this was written by you--perhaps in another life you and Talbot could have been.... Pals?

“IT’S WORKIN!” Ly whispers excitedly! “Keep goin’!”

By the end of the Birthday entry you can almost see a change in Talbot’s eyes--he’s stopped shaking you and instead stares at the journal eagerly. You pause for a moment, but a quick shake and growl urges you to continue.

Not nobody no more... You conclude, looking up from the journal a few moments later. Maybe it’s just a side-effect of you being upside-down for a while, but you almost see something behind Talbot’s eyes--something human.

Turning you over, the monster slowly extends a tendril towards your head and pokes your cap lightly.

JAN…..” He croaks, trying the word out a few times in his beastly mouth. “JAAAAAAAN…

No WAY!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4818863
“D-do ya’ think he means ‘Janitor’?” Ly asks quietly. Shrugging, you give the word a try yourself: “Janitor.”

A lightbulb fizzles to life in the creature’s head! “JAAAAN!” Talbot roars, shaking you up and down excitedly! “JAAAAAAAAAN!” You manage to give the beast a sheepish grin before he turns you back over and uses your head to brush imaginary dirt from a nearby catwalk!

JAAAAAN!” He exclaims with a hint of pride! Recovering from your impromptu mime show, you’re pulled back over to Talbot once more. Weird… Did he get smaller?

“STAN!” Tucker shouts, “DON’T WANT TO INTERRUPT, BUT WE’RE IN A HURRY!” Following his distant finger, you look in horror as a BONEY MASS appears in the entryway!

You’re almost there… Time to reel him in with ONE MORE THING!
>TALK about WORK! You both HATE GOOD BOY!
>COMPLIMENT HIM? GUYS LOVE that CRAP!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4818865
>TALK about WORK! You both HATE GOOD BOY!

He still seems a bit feral, better to keep it to stuff he'll inherently recognize from his memories.
>>
>>4818865
>TALK about WORK! You both HATE GOOD BOY!
>>
>>4818871
>>4818882
>Work Sucks!

Writing!
>>
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You grit your teeth as you search your mind for something that will bring Talbot back, or at least something that will make him be less inclined to dunk you! It takes a few more renditions of the CORE TEMPERATURE warning and utterances of the word ‘JAN’ from the best before inspiration hits you like a truck!

You might not understand each other completely, nor have you ever met before all of this, but you know ONE method of communication that’s UNIVERSAL!
“Cripes, please don’t kiss him…” Ly groans, earning him a flick on your forehead! OW!

As you were saying, you continue as you rub your sore head, you know ONE method of communication that’s UNIVERSAL:

BITCHING ABOUT YOUR JOB!

Determination cemented on your face, you adjust your EVENING SANITATION CAP so Talbot can easily see the letters on the front--would he like to hear how your job has been?

Raising what you assume used to be his eyebrow, Talbot shuts his gaping maw and leans forward expectantly. JACKPOT.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4819024
WAY TOO MANY MINUTES OF UNCHECKED WHINING LATER...

… And that wasn’t even your FAULT! It worked in the VIDEO, it probably would have worked in real life too if you didn’t fall off! Besides, why make fire extinguishers so accessible if they’re only for emergencies? Answer THAT!

In a performance that puts your (admittedly few) previous dates to shame, Talbot isn’t just staying quiet--he’s LISTENING! He even NODDED a bit! Gathering another breath of air, you open your mouth to tell him about ANOTHER time the company slighted you, but your stalwart companion Ly snaps your mouth shut! What gives?!

“I got a PLAN, dat’s what!” Ly explains! “Why not ask HIM about his job?”

You frown--you were about to get to the juicy stuff too… Still, that reactor isn’t getting any less ‘Blow-Uppy’, so you decide to relent. Patting the side of the tentacle currently holding you above the GOODBOYNIUM, you ask Talbot about HIS job. He’s a JAN, right? How’s that been working out for him?

As if lighting a fuse, you watch as the beast’s face slowly cycles through RECOGNITION, DISDAIN, and finally ANGER! Like a volcano about to erupt, Talbot’s entire body shakes violently before letting out an enraged bellow that nearly sends your HAT and EYEPATCH flying away!

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYY!!!!!

The GOODBOYNIUM churns, catwalks rock, Tucker and Kiki are knocked on their asses, and you can just make out the BONEY MASS behind the entryway rubble topple backwards out of sight! And you thought you hated YOUR job! As the room finishes shaking, you readjust your hat and hair as Talbot stares at you expectantly, his body still heaving with RAGE!

H-how do… How do you respond?
>You think THAT’S BAD…
>That’s ROUGH, pal.
>Tell me MORE!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4819026
>Tell me MORE!
Let's put a reassuring hand on his tentacle or whatever is holding us. He listened to us after all!
>>
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>>4819026
>Tell me MORE!
>>
>>4819039
>>4819062
>Tell me MORE!

Writing! Gonna have dinner soon so might dip out for a little bit after this update.
>>
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Flabbergasted, you gently pat Talbot’s tentacle with your hand--you’ve seen some whining before, but THAT?!

That was POETRY--an epic without words! Amazing what you can communicate with little to no vocabulary!

“Yea, I’m constantly surprised as well.” Ly murmurs under his breath. Ignoring what you assume to be another jab, you motion for the beast to continue--go on, get it all out!

Before he can gather up for another roar, Talbot’s eyes light up as they notice your hat again. Studying the letters, the beast tries them out a few times for good measure.

E…. S…. C!” Hey, nice job!

Repeating the forbidden letters a few more times, you start to see a change in Talbot’s posture. Like a clock being wound up, you watch anxiously as his monstrous figure slowly but surely reverts to the form you know and love, complete with a replacement trench coat formed from GOODBOYNIUM skin! Both of you held aloft by metallic tentacles, Talbot lowers you both outside of your original goal--the CONTROL BOOTH! As you turn to leave, you feel a tentacle lightly rest on your shoulder.

S...STAAAAAN….

Turning around, you find yourself face to face with Talbot--the specialist kneeling to your level with an unreadable expression under his hood.

STAAAAN…. JAN….” He growls, lightly tapping your hat. “JAN….” Bringing his massive finger to his head, he points at the top of his head shrouded by a new hood. He uh…

He wants your hat? Get your OWN!

“I uh…” Ly interrupts, “I think he’s sayin’ you’re both janitors.”

Oh. Well then.

Nodding amicably, you give the best smile you can give to the twelve-foot horror that spent the better half of three or four threads trying to kill you. Said horror grunts something resembling a laugh, then pats you lightly on the head.

STAAAAAAN…

That’s your name--don’t wear it out!

>CONTD.
>>
>>4819122
Your moment is interrupted as your pals Kiki and Tucker slowly approach, their weapons half-raised at Talbot.

“Stan…” Tucker murmurs, “We’re just gonna scoot by and press the button, okay?”

Nodding the affirmative, you do your best to draw Talbot’s attention as your crew inches around him. As if on cue, however, another explosion ROCKS the facility, sending Tucker stumbling into Talbot’s side! Snapping into action, Talbot whirls around with uncharacteristic agility and grabs Tucker by the neck, growling menacingly in his face!

Kiki raises her weapon instinctively as you freeze up--you’ve gotta do something!

>SLICE TUCKER FREE!
>SHOUT for TALBOT to STOP!
>MOVE BETWEEN them!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4819131
>MOVE BETWEEN them!
>>
>>4819154
>MOVE BETWEEN!

Writing!
>>
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You’ve been drunk enough times to know that when you can barely understand words, sometimes the best intervention is a physical one! Zipping in between Tucker and Talbot, you realize that you’ve got a lot less space to work in than you had anticipated and opt to take position NEXT to Tucker instead! As you arrive, however, a large arm sweeps down from Talbot’s side and gets between you and him!

BAD!” Talbot growls, shaking the ex-looter by the neck for emphasis! Vigorously shaking your head from side to side, you gently reach out and press down on the specialist’s arm--no, dude, he’s GOOD! Turning towards you, Talbot cocks his head to the side.

GOOD?

Yea! Good! You drive the point home by pointing a finger your way--GOOD!

Then to Kiki. GOOD!

And to Tucker.

And finally at Talbot. GOOD.

Massive gears turn in the giant’s head as Tucker struggles to breath and Kiki helplessly watches from the sidelines! You’re about to try the GOOD thing again when your pal is gently lowered to the catwalk.

GOOD.” Talbot repeats, patting Tucker’s head as if apologizing. “S...SORRY….

“It’s uh…” Tucker coughs, wobbling around on unsteady legs, “It’s cool, man…”

As he and Kiki stumble in the direction of the CONTROL BOOTH, your gaze meet’s Talbot’s once again. It’s not easy with his hood on, but you could almost swear he seems… Troubled? You cock your head to the side expectantly--what’s the deal, big guy?

STAAAAN.” He drones, gently extending a tendril towards your EYEPATCH. “SORRRYYYY….” You respond with a shrug--it didn’t hurt as much as you expected--maybe you’re in chalk or something. You look pretty cool now, so no sweat!

No…. SWEAT…” Talbot parrots, not taking his eyes off of yours. Struck with inspiration, you step back as the giant reaches for his face and starts TUGGING. What in the-

Your answer arrives before you can ask the question. With a rather unpleasant ‘POP’, Talbot’s hand returns with what appears to be some sort of BIONIC RED EYE and holds it out to you. Blinking at it in awe, you look back up at the specialist--no, man, it’s fine! Eyes grow back! You can also probably eat some magic bone marrow!

NO… SWEAT!” Talbot replies, nudging you with his open palm! As you weigh your options, the room is dominated by a deafening buzzing sound!

EMERGENCY PUMPS ACTIVE! PLEASE STAND CLEAR OF THE MAIN FLOOR!

Sure enough, the GOODBOYNIUM SEA slowly disappears into a series of vents in the ground leaving behind a steaming, albeit clean floor!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4819275
The last of the goo drains with an unnerving slurping noise leaving you and your team standing on the remains of the catwalks above.

“That did it!” Tucker reports! Now we just have to-oh boy.

A series of honks signals the van’s speedy arrival, but that’s not all that’s coming! The debris blocking the entrance is all but enveloped in a massive pile of bones and goo, and the skulls floating around inside all have their eyes on your ride!

“Time to go!” Tucker adds before he and Kiki make for the stairs! Looking back at Talbot’s gift, you bite your lip as you weigh your options--this thing won’t have side effects, will it?

What do?
>REFUSE--you don’t want GOODBOYNIUM anywhere near you!
>TAKE IT, but DON’T INSTALL IT.
>TAKE IT AND INSTALL IT!
>WRITE-IN

Sorry folks, but I'm gonna have to call it for tonight--tired as heck. Good news is that I don't have to go into the office tomorrow, so I'll be able to update a bit more and a bit earlier than usual!

I'll check in around WEDNESDAY 9-10AM PST! Apologies again for the erratic schedule lately--I hope to acclimate soon so I can write a bit longer without getting bogged down. Thanks for all of your patience and hope to see you again next time!
>>
>>4819131
>MOVE BETWEEN them!
>>
>>4819278
>TAKE IT AND INSTALL IT!
Wow, I was super late on that last vote. Whoops.
>>
>>4819278
>TAKE IT AND INSTALL IT!
>>
>>4819278
>TAKE IT AND INSTALL IT!
>>
>>4819278
>TAKE IT AND INSTALL IT!
"Thanks, big guy. See you again soon?"

And then we book it!
>>
>>4819278
>TAKE IT AND INSTALL IT!
>>
>>4819278
>TAKE IT AND INSTALL IT!
Thanks Talbot, what a rad dude. He should really follow our lead and get going though, it's about to get very explodey in here.
>>
>>4819302
>>4819390
>>4819500
>>4819808
>>4819841
>>4819894
>PUT THE CREEPY LASER EYE THING IN!

Writing!
>>
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>>4819978
You take a deep breath before removing your EYEPATCH--consequences be damned, when your ex-hitman gives you a replacement cyborg laser eye free of charge, you TAKE it! Giving Talbot an amicable nod, you pick up the eye and examine it closer… So what, do you get an instruction manual, or-

Your answer comes sooner than you think! Like a metallic spider the eye scampers up your arm and creeps into the remains of your eye before digging in with several tiny tendrils! Your instincts and the itchy sensation of something rooting itself in your eye socket tell you to freak out, so you do. Before you can REALLY lay into the screaming, though, you feel a massive hand gently pat you on the head.

NO….. SWEAT….” Talbot quietly growls. As your new eye sets up shop, you feel yourself leave the ground as the giant picks you up and takes you with him as he leaps off of the catwalks and down to where the van is. Landing with a dull THUD, you can barely make out your friends opening the back of the van for you as your vision swims with countless lines of code!

“It’s okay!” Tucker reassures the group, “He’s uh… Good now?”

M-m-MARVELOUS!” Denise exclaims. Oh jeez, you can even see her sweating from here. Talbot moves you to the seats next to Sybil, then backs away slowly.

T-T-Talbie!” Finished cycling through what you assume are color settings, you feel your vision start to normalize again. Denise approaches the giant carefully, wringing her hands as she skitters forward.

“Guys, we have an EXPLODING LAB to escape!” Eddie groans, slapping the side of the driver’s seat door. If Venaas was listening, she doesn’t respond--instead she looks up at Talbot’s remaining glowing eye.

I-I-I-I...I’m SORRY, Talbie…. I’m sorry… For everything…

With that comes a fresh deluge of tears. Your ex-stalker watches her for a moment, then responds with another gentle pat on the head. Sobbing incoherently, Venaas looks up at Talbot through tear-streaked glasses.

NO SWEAT…” The giant growls before placing her in the back of the van. The pain now gone from your eye socket, you take a moment to test things out and scan the immediate area--you see Mitzi tapping her boot impatiently, Tucker and Kiki watching Talbot like a hawk, Syb napping peacefully next to you, the massive blob of goo and bones approach-

Wait a minute.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4820065
As if on cue, a tentacle the size of Talbot crashes into the side of the van, grabbing hold of it like a chameleon’s tongue! Your ride’s tires squeal against the floor, but it’s too late--the goo is latched on TIGHT! Pushing past Venaas’ still-sobbing form, you prepare to break free once and for all!

Roll 1d-

Before you can get the roll set up, you feel a familiar change in air temperature as Talbot’s remaining eye flashes with a bright light! Stumbling backwards, you and your pals watch as a laser rips through the creature’s tentacle and reduces the bit attached to your van to a crispy pile of ash! Taking position between you and the beast, Talbot looks back at you and points for the tunnel.

”B-b-B-But...But YOU...” Sobs Denise! “W-W-we can’t LEAVE you!

“I hate to say it, but this van’s already at capacity.” Tucker murmurs with a hint of disappointment.

“Any more weight and we could walk faster than this thing.” Mitzi adds, gently placing a hand on Denise’s back.

H-He can run!” She sobs! “I-I-I did the math--if he leaves now and maintains a constant speed of…

”EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! REACTOR APPROACHING CRITICAL TEMPERATURES! ALL PERSONNEL EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY! AM I JUST TALKING TO MYSELF HERE? WE PROGRAMMED THIS IN FOR A REASON, PEOPLE--COME ON NOW”

The announcement is cut short by an ear-splitting shriek from the blob approaching your van! There’s no time… You’ve gotta pull the trigger on this!

>ORDER TALBOT to FOLLOW!
>LEAVE.
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4820067
>ORDER TALBOT to FOLLOW!
>WRITE-IN

If we can/he lets us, we can ride shotgun on his shoulder and maybe help guard the van while we run alongside it from whatever's attacking us.

Hell, we can even test if this new eye of ours has fancy laser powers
>>
>>4820083
+1
>>
>>4820083
+2
>>
>>4820083
>>4820175
>>4820182
>Leisurely jog

WRITING!
>>
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The wires in your brain spark as a plan forms… Oh you’ll pull the trigger, alright.... Signaling for Eddie to drive, you step back down onto the pavement and walk over to Talbot wearing a devious grin… Does he remember what RUN means?

....RUN…?

...FURTHER DOWN THE TUNNEL….

“Just seems silly, is all.”

The skeleton soldier groans and looks away from his rifle sitting on the hastily-constructed sandbag barricade.

“Are you gonna complain all NIGHT?” He replies, glaring at the rest of his squadmates set up in the middle of the tunnel. “Christ, it’s like you’ve never pulled guard duty before.”

“Well it was different back then…” His partner counters as another skeleton lights a cigarette. “When we were alive our COs didn’t tell us to set up shop in the blast radius.”

“Well we ain’t alive NOW, and if you stop bitchin’ and do your dang job that FREAK janitor ain’t gonna be alive either.” Shaking his head in annoyance, the soldier adjusts his helmet and returns to his position against the sandbags. “‘Sides, we blow up, we get brought back. Easy as.”

“I had a theory about that!” Pipes up one of the soldiers in the back, prompting the rest of the squad to groan.

“Here we go again...” Grunts the smoking soldier as he exhales a cloud of smoke.

“What if, and this is a big if,” The previous soldier continues undeterred, “What if we aren’t ourselves? What if we’re just a copy of who we once were?”

“What if NO ONE CARES?!” Replies the first soldier as he peers down his rifle’s sights.

“You mean like… Like we ain’t the original?” Asks the talkative skeleton, his interest piqued. “Shit, man…”

“And if we die, who takes over? US? Or another COPY?

“We’re gonna test that theory if you don’t SHUT UP.” Grumbles the sandbag skeleton. “Here’s a philosophical quandary for you: ‘What’s Hawkes gonna do to us if we let Parble through?’ Ponder that crap for a moment, Socrates.”

“Or rather… ‘What’s Hawkes gonna do to our COPIES if’-”

“Oh for cryin’ out LOUD-”

The debate is interrupted by the sound of an engine coming from down the tunnel! Snapping to attention, the skeletons aim their rifles, grenade launchers, and other implements of destruction in its direction!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4820259
“Whad’ I tell you idiots?” The sandbag skeleton grunts, signalling for the others to set up! “Get ready…”

As the engine draws closer, another LOUDER sound overtakes it--the sound of several heavy boots thumping rapidly against pavement! Growing louder with every step, the skeletons nervously look up from their sights as the source reveals itself--the twelve-foot colossus they were told to quote ’STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM’ barrels down the tunnel, its arms and legs leaving a blur as they pump through the air! Even worse, on its shoulder hangs some sort of RACCOON-GREMLIN--

“Wait a minute…” The point man mutters, “That’s PARBLE!

https://youtu.be/8ssq6Eugasg

A van brings up the rear, its occupants leaning out the windows with various implements of destruction!

“F-f-fF-fFff-f-FIRE AT WILL!” Cries the sandbag soldier, prompting the others to take aim! Too late, though--YOU get the first attack here!

ROLL 1d100+5 to CLEAR THE WAY! +5 Thanks to your NIFTY NEW EYE! I’ll take the BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Don’t forget to describe HOW you clear things out--maybe try out that new EYE of yours?
>>
Rolled 10 + 5 (1d10 + 5)

>>4820266
>Drive me closer, I want to hit them with my mop!
>>
Rolled 39 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4820285
Wrong die
>>
Rolled 94 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4820266
Lets try aiming that fancy new eye of ours out, right at the top of the tunnel above them. Yell for Talbot to aim low
>>
>>4820290
Holy fucking shit you just saved the quest. Now we dont have to sit through another 10 posts of "I hate you bones" because he killed talbot
>>
>>4820297
Nah, I'm indifferent to Talbot. Also he's overpowered and as such will be removed one way or another, mark my words.
>>
Rolled 61 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4820266
>>
>>4820302
Some kind of Irom Giant style scene?
>>
>>4820266
This is my new favorite image
>>
>>4820312
More likely the chemical in the patch runs our and Talbot becomes hostile again.
>>
>>4820287
>>4820290
>>4820304
>Highest Roll: 99!

Writing!

>>4820297
Worry not--I'm bound to find SOMETHING that will piss you all off! Have faith!
>>
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You shake your head… Of COURSE you’re gonna try out the EYE! You’ll have to get the hang of it eventually! As your noble steed speeds onward, you yell for him to AIM LOW!

Nodding in what you hope is comprehension, you feel the air around Talbot’s hood heat up!

“FIRE! FIIIIIRE!” Shouts the skeleton closest to you! With that the skeletons follow suit and fill the tunnel with a hail of bullets and grenades! Raising his arm to shield you, your new bodyguard lights up your attackers with a laser blast that vaporizes both them AND their cover! You squint menacingly, but despite your best efforts, you can’t seem to whip up some piping-hot death of your own! You swear this never happens!

Your wagon train passes by the barricade swiftly, leaving the soldiers in tiny piles of ash for someone to clean up later--most likely the explosion you’re trying to avoid. Still pissed that you weren’t able to kill anyone, you continue to experiment with your eye as Talbot rounds the corner into an AMBUSH!

“LET’ER RIP!” Shouts a skeleton, signaling several ROCKET LAUNCHER crews! Snarling, you glare at your new attackers--just how many assholes are in this escape tunnel anyways?! Aren’t they supposed to escape?!

“Hold on, Stan--lemme talk ta’ Nervous System for a sec!” Ly asks as Talbot shoots down a volley of rockets!

“RELOAD!”

Hanging on to Talbot’s spiky shoulder impatiently, you shoot another sizzling glance at the skeleton ordering people around--MAN you’d like to blast that guy right now…

As your thought plays out in your head, you feel something click in your new eye! Rows of code pour through your vision as a series of shapes lines up a trajectory for the guy you thought of! YES!

Pumping your fist, you swiftly remember that you’re hanging on for dear life and scramble for a better grip. In mid climb, however, your eye locks onto another target--the ceiling above the second blockade! NO WAIT, ABORT!

Too late--you feel a searing pain run through your eye almost akin to your experiment with steam back at GOOD BOY! Bracing yourself against the back of Talbot’s shoulder, you feel the heat building up in your eye pause, focus, and finally…

RELEASE!

A massive beam shoots from your eye into the ceiling! You’re not sure what you hit, but it works--a chunk of white-hot cement tumbles onto a crate of rockets just as the boneheads finish loading up!

“Oh DARN i-”

The soldier never finishes his sentence. You and Talbot cover your eyes as the tunnel erupts with a flash of light, diving blindly through the resulting explosion! A few chunks of bone and helmet lightly jostle the two of you as you soar through, but otherwise you get through unharmed!

“Alright, kid--I think I got i-Oh.” Ly reports. “You uh… Should be able to go AUTOMATIC or MANUAL now.”

You respond with a toothy grin--groovy!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4820767
Talbot kicks a few skulls out of the way like soccer balls as you check on the van’s status behind you. Eddie and Tucker give you two thumbs up as your wheels clear the rubble with ease! Looking past them you can just barely see Mitzi and Kiki--the former waving, the latter frantically pointing down the tunnel where you just sped through. Yea, you shout, you KNOW it looked cool!

Shaking her head, Kiki waves you and Talbot over. Pulling back on your bodyguard’s neck seems to do the trick, and a few strides later you’re keeping pace with the back of the van. What’s all the ruckus?

Kiki repeats the gesture from before, prompting you and the non-comatose folks in the back of the van to look behind you. It takes you a moment, but once you see it you can’t look away: a stream of dark goo speeding towards your position! DAMN IT!

“Shoulda’ known that guy was gonna follow us.” Mitzi sighs. “Takes after his big bro, that’s for sure.”

You snarl. How the hell is this thing keeping up anyways? It’s GOO! As if on cue, Denise peeks out from the back of the van!

W-w-Well the Venturi Effect states-

ENGLISH!

DAUGH! W-w-well, fluid moves FASTER in narrow spaces…

You, Mitzi, and Kiki scoff simultaneously (Talbot even mimics the sound too, bless his heart)--talk about BS!

“Sick of this magic crap.” Mitzi adds, firing a few bullets at the approaching goo, “Can this place blow up already?”
P-P-perhaps we can try to sl-slow it down?” Denise volunteers. You shrug--you can TRY, but what about the dicks up ahead? There’s gotta be more on the way!

“We could just keep shooting it.” Mitzi suggests. “Or we could use an ITEM?”

Kiki chimes in by pointing to the ceiling and making a “PWOOSH” sound. Yea, that too!

What’s the plan?
>Just keep SHOOTING--you’ll be fine!
>Give the VAN CREW an ITEM (Which Item?)
>BLOW UP THE CEILING AGAIN!
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4820770
>Give the VAN CREW an ITEM (Which Item?)
Makeshift flamethrower!
>>
>>4820770
>Give the VAN CREW an ITEM (Which Item?)
SCIENCE GUN
>>
>>4820770
>>4820794
+1
>>
>>4820781
>>4820794
>>4820770
Toss em both and tell them to aim the science one behind us.
>>
>>4820781
>>4820794
>>4820857
>>4820902
In the interest of time and simplicity...
>GIVE SCIENCE GUN AND FLAMETHROWER!

Writing!
>>
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>>4820941
It ain’t Christmas yet, but screw it--you feel like giving. Reaching into your deep pockets, you pull out two fresh toys for the folks in the back of the van--Talbot’s MAKESHIFT FLAMETHROWER and Denise’s SCIENCE GUN! Kiki eagerly picks up the former and sprays a few blasts into the ceiling with a satisfied nod.

“Stanley, you shouldn’t have!” Mitzi grins, fiddling with the ray gun’s bells and whistles. “You really know how to make a girl feel special, you know that?”

What can you say? It comes naturally! Sensing her weapon being used, Denise eagerly creeps over to Mitzi and starts gushing!

Th-that’s the prototype for the VENAAS PLASMACASTER!I-It’s designed to bypass armor a-and act as a battlefield tool as well, and runs on a near-harmless GOODBOYNIUM BATTERY. The trigger acts charges th-

“Hold it, nerd--what do you mean NEAR-HARMLESS?” Mitzi interrupts, raising an eyebrow towards the doc.

W-well… We haven’t exactly ran through cl-clinical testing, so-

ENGLISH! You shout along with Mitzi, Eddie, and even Talbot!

It… It should be fine!” Denise stammers, punctuating her statement with a nervous giggle! “J-just don’t blame me if your child has g-g-gills!” She concludes as she tries her best to ‘playfully nudge’ Mitzi between the ribs. When she only succeeds in awkwardly poking the guard with her elbow, the scientist is rewarded with a bewildered look from Mitzi and opts to sit down again.

ANYWAYS,” Mitzi adds after a moment of silence, “You can focus up front, Stan--we’ll keep Jellybones away.”

And focus up front you DO! Ushering Talbot forward, you keep your eyes peeled for trouble as the trail makes a wide bend! Hearing Kiki and Mitzi unload on the goo behind you, your attention is drawn by the next serving of BULLSHIT: up ahead are TWO HUMVEES WITH MACHINE GUN TURRETS, both manned! That’s not the worst of your troubles, though… In between them sits-

“A TANK, STAN!” Ly exclaims as it points its turret your way!

Thanks, jerk--you were gonna say that!

The BACK should be fine for now, but what do you do about the FRONT?

>Crush ‘em with the CEILING!
>LASER THEM TOGETHER with TALBOT!
>Maybe TALBOT can CHUCK something at them?
>WRITE-IN
>>
>>4821007
>LASER THEM TOGETHER with TALBOT!
>>
>>4821007
>LASER THEM TOGETHER with TALBOT!
>>
>>4821007
>LASER THEM TOGETHER with TALBOT!
>>
>>4821016
>>4821082
>>4821096
>LASER? I HARDLY KNOW 'ER!

Alright my fellow boneheads, let's see you roll 1d100+5 to blast these bozos! I'll take the BEST OF 3 ROLLS! As per usual, feel free to detail specific TARGETS OR STRATEGIES!
>>
Rolled 48 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4821108
AIM FOR THE TURRETS!
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>4821108
aim for the turrets first, Talbot can cover the right turret while we do the left. Then take out the tank with a double laser last
>>
Rolled 22 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4821108
Using this anon's strat >>4821124
>>
>>4821114
>>4821124
>>4821151
>Highest Roll: 53

WRITING!
>>
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Tank SHMANK! Who needs one of those when you have LASER EYES? Pointing a finger at the right humvee and moving it towards the tank, you whisper a quick ‘ZAP’ into where Talbot’s ear used to be. With a quick nod, you feel the air around Talbot’s face warm up again as you power up your own eye!

Not waiting for you to blast them, the humvees open fire on you and the van, sending high-caliber bullets raining in your direction! Ducking behind Talbot does the trick, as does Eddie serpentining the van around the narrow tunnel, but that’s not what you’re worried about!

Adjusting its turret to track you and the van, the tank pauses for a moment to track you before firing a shot that ROCKS the tunnel!

Ducking to the side, Talbot barely dodges the tank’s payload as it soars past you and into the wall of the tunnel! The resulting impact causes the van to swerve a bit, but it’s a miss--that’s what matters the most, right?

Your entourage barely has time to recover before the tunnel is rocked by yet another blast--this one far behind you! You, Talbot, the van, and even the military vehicles ahead shake violently as you feel a rush of air from behind you--guess that facility’s finally about to blow!

No time to dilly-dally--you and Talbot return the favor with a duo of EYE LASERS that carve the humvees and their operators like Thanksgiving Turkeys! Sensing what comes next, the tank operators frantically pull the vehicle back, but it’s too late--though your eye begins to sting in its socket, you and Talbot coordinate a criss-cross cut across the tank, replacing its turret with a mass of white-hot molten metal!

Your noble steed delivers the final blow by body-slamming the tank’s remains and sending them flipping like a junebug over to the side of the tunnel!

TANKS for da’ memories!” Ly cheers as your wagon train bypasses the wreckage! Looking back you notice the GELETON MASS is much closer than before, but a healthy supply of flames and plasma keep it at bay!

Still… That thing’s being awfully persistent.

“You wanna help out?” Ly asks. “Up ta’ you, cupcake--just remember, we ain’t out yet!”

What do?
>HELP DEFEAT the GELETON!
>STAY UP FRONT! Who knows what they’ll have next?
>WRITE-IN

Probably gonna call it here for tonight--got work extra early tomorrow. I should be back THURSDAY around 5-6PM PST! Thanks again for playing and I hope I'll see you again then!
>>
>>4821222
>HELP DEFEAT the GELETON!

Have Talbot keep running forward and dealing with the threats up ahead though, we'll just turn around on his shoulder and start using our laser eye on geleton man.

Thanks for running as always Bones!
>>
>>4821222
>HELP DEFEAT the GELETON!
Talbots on Linebacker duty while we are on on Rear Assault, lets haul booty, boys.
>>
>>4821222
>HELP DEFEAT the GELETON!
>>
>>4821232
>>4821237
>>4821293
>FELL THE GEL!

Looks like people want to split from Talbot as well with him being the forward guard! Can do!

Had an idea while I write--made a quick Strawpoll to decide which gang member di-err, is the BEST! You can vote for multiple people, so let your voices be heard while I write!

https://strawpoll.com/9br6g4fo3

Otherwise, WRITING!
>>
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You find yourself between a rock and a… A gooey place: there’s bound to be more idiots down the tunnel, but you of all people know how good Talbot is at his job--maybe he can handle it on his own? Glancing back at the gooey mass rushing down the tunnel after you friends, you shake your head--you can’t let that sonnovabitch get a hit on that van!

Pulling back on Talbot’s neck again, you both slow down enough to run alongside the van.

“We got this, Stan!” Mitzi reassures you through gritted teeth! “You and tallboy handle the front!”

Leaping over to the open back of the van, you respond to Mitzi’s instructions with a trio of ‘TSKS’--doesn’t she remember who th-

Man, is it hot in here or is it just you? Looking down you notice the tip of the flamethrower a few inches from your chest along with an annoyed-looking Kiki.

“Think yer’ in da’ way, cupcake.” Ly explains, prompting you to step to the side. Satisfied, the tiny camera girl continues to roast the abomination rapidly gaining on your vehicle. AS YOU WERE SAYING, you’re the boss, damn it, and you’re helping these guys out!

“Okay then, boss.” Mitzi relents, firing off another burst of plasma. “What’s he gonna do then?”

You follow Mitzi’s finger to Talbot, a forlorn look on his hooded face. Pointing to him and then to the FRONT of the van, you make a few ‘PEW PEW’ noises as you mime blowing things up. The giant stares at you silently for a moment, then disappears towards the front of the van! Did he buy it?

“Looks like it!” Eddie reports from the front of the vehicle! “Hope we’re almost out of here--I’m sure that lab’s gonna blow up soo-”

Eddie’s prediction is cut short by a sudden quake ripping through the tunnel! Skidding back and forth trying to regain control, Eddie white-knuckles the steering wheel and looks back at you with wide eyes!

“I’m kicking this thing into HIGH-GEAR! Hold tight!”

True to his word, you feel the van accelerate as your driver mashes the gas pedal down to the floor! Hanging on for dear life, your group continues to fire at the GELETON MASS, prompting it to fire several tendrils into the tunnel walls to pull itself along! CRAP!

“Got any new ideas?” Mitzi asks! “It doesn’t like fire, but it’s still not giving up!” Your eye twitches a bit as you focus on the beast--it still stings a bit, but you can probably fire ONE or TWO MORE TIMES!

...Probably.

What’s the plan, Stan?
>AIM for the SKELETON BITS! Maybe that’ll stop it!
>COLLAPSE the CEILING!
>HIT THOSE TENDRILS! Slow him down!
>WRITE-IN

Feel free to say which ITEM or ABILITY you wanna use too!
>>
>>4822901
>WRITE-IN
use our GOO MOP to hit a GRENADE into it like a baseball! Maybe damaging it internally would have an effect
>>
>>4822901
>AIM for the SKELETON BITS! Maybe that’ll stop it!
>>
>>4822901
>>4822844
No option for the Skeleton Gang? Rocky and the gang are my pick
>>4822923
+1
>>
>>4822991
Oh god I mean Cliff I think, I'm drunk and get remember details.
>>
>>4822991
I figured I'd do the IMMEDIATE crew first--maybe down the line I'll have a popularity contest for all the characters, but we'll see!

>>4822923
>>4822991
>GRENADE LOB!

>>4822931
>AIM FOR THE BITS!

Why don't I just combine these and have you lob some shit at the bones? I also TOTALLY NOTICED that baseball thing, so...

Roll me 1d100+10 thanks to your EYE and LIL' SLUGGER SKILLS! I'll take the BEST OF 3 ROLLS!

Can you break the GRENADE CURSE?
>>
Rolled 8 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4823033
lets get some BIG damage in on this thing
>>
Rolled 98 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4823033
BONK
>>
Rolled 22 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>4823033
>>
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>>4823045
>>4823066
>>4823078
>Highest Roll: 108! PIC RELATED!

Guess we've got a grenade to bonk. WRITING!
>>
You respond to Mitzi by pulling your GOO MOP out of your pockets along with a GRENADE. Extending the mop in one hand and tossing the grenade up and down in the other, you shiver as an icy finger traces down your spine, images from your last grenade attempt flashing through your head like slides in a projector.

Shaking them out of your head, you glare at the beast still hot on the van’s heels even while the whole damn tunnel is shaking--Kiki and Mitzi did good, but keeping it at bay ain’t enough…

You’re gonna need a Home Run.

The crew members in charge of GOO DUTY step back to give you some space, retreating and crouching behind Denise’s trembling form. Getting a feel for the grenade’s weight, you close your eyes and take yourself back to the Batting Cages--a time before skeletons, grenades, and fighting for your life.

You feel the moist, cold air of the pier blowing against your sweaty face and hear the sound of waves crashing against the shore amidst a jungle of shouting, laughing, and carnival attractions.

And just like that, you’re back--back to all those days that went wrong one way or another--A bad grade on your Geography Test, a surprise ‘Pep-Talk’ from that shithead Boris… It always ended with you swinging a bat.

Why should this time be any different?

The ball feels lighter than usual as you toss it straight up in the air--no veering to the side or coming down too early. For a moment it stands still at the apex of its journey upwards, almost as if it was asking you a question.

“You ready, kid?”

You nod--you betcha!

The ball drops. Raising your bat to your side, you twirl it in a small circle before bringing it back for a strike--haste makes waste, after all. Taking one last breath, you bring your bat towards the falling target, then bring it forward to meet not the ball itself, but the area behind it.

BONK!

You open your eyes just in time to see your hit ring true--the grenade rockets through the tunnel like a bullet, its ring playfully dangling from your finger. When it reaches the GELETON MASS it barely makes a sound, instead opting to sail through the goo like a torpedo! The tunnel stops shaking and the van goes silent as you watch your home run drift through the liquid into the side of an unlucky skull.

Thok.

If you had to put a word to it, you’d say the goo got CONFUSED--in an attempt to protect its host from the blast, it opted to put a shield around its entire body, effectively trapping the blast inside the beast. The abomination dies not with a bang, but with a whimper--with its skulls render into a fine paste, the remaining GOODBOYNIUM splashes onto the tunnel pavement like milk onto a kitchen counter.

Shit.” Mitzi mutters, peeking out from behind Denise.

You respond with a grin--goddamn RIGHT.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4823202
Your pursuer now reduced to a mere slipping hazard, you turn your attention to the rush of air chasing your merry band down the tunnel! Your escape route resumes shaking violently as a mass of flames and debris replaces the GELETON MASS in the chase! Not gonna be able to blow THAT up!

“No sirree…” Mitzi mutters. As if on cue, Talbot’s blurry form rejoins you at the back of the van and motions for you to come with! Giving your van pals a quick salute, you hop back on to the giant and let him carry you to the front. Rushing forward, you feel a cool, pine-scented breeze rush against your face, if only for a moment. Turning what you hope to be the last damn corner in this tunnel, you and your bodyguard come across what you assume is the FINAL OBSTACLE!

A pair of skeletons wait at the end of the tunnel behind some sort of wooden cover lining the walls with what appear to be several WALL-MOUNTED DEVICES WITH BLINKING RED LIGHTS! No doubt sensing the van’s engine and Talbot’s mighty boots, the soldiers balk at the sight of you rapidly approaching!

“CRIPES!” One shouts! “DETONATE THE BOMBS, NOW!

“I GOTTA LINK THE DETONATOR FIRST!” The other cries! “I THOUGHT WE’D HAVE MORE TIME!”

“JUST DO IT! THEY’RE GONNA BREAK FREE!”

You pause for a moment to appreciate the fact that you could hear them so well--the acoustics in this tunnel are amazing! You’re gonna have to bring a boombox in here later to see how it sounds!

If, you know, it’s not all rubble by then.

Ly’s ASTRAL PROJECTION impatiently tapping its foot brings you back to reality. “Stan... Da’ DETONATOR?

Whoops, RIGHT! You really oughta do something about that--it’d suck to die RIGHT before escaping the tunnel! What’s the PLAN?

>ZAP ‘EM! Lasers probably won’t trigger anything!
>RUSH ‘EM! A slide-kick oughta take ‘em out!
>SHOOT ‘EM! You have a gun, right?
>WRITE-IN
>>
And on that note, folks, I think I'm gonna take it easy for the rest of the night--eyes are acting up again. I'll pop in again TOMORROW ON FRIDAY AROUND 5-6PM PST!

Thanks for playing and thanks for voting in the Strawpoll--glad to see that some characters have left a lasting impression! Hope to see you guys next time!
>>
>>4823205
>RUSH ‘EM! A slide-kick oughta take ‘em out!
>>
>>4823205
>SHOOT ‘EM! You have a gun, right?
>>
>>4823205
>RUSH ‘EM! A slide-kick oughta take ‘em out!
>>
>>4823235
>>4824048
>SLIDE KICK!

>>4823331
>BLAST 'EM!

Looks like we're rollin'. Roll me 1d100+5 to kick this kook! I'll take the BEST of 3 ROLLS!
>>
Rolled 6 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4825341
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>4825341
>>
Rolled 98 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>4825341
>>
>>4825350
>>4825364
>>4825366
>Highest Roll: 103!

HOT DOG! Writing!
>>
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No time for thinking--you’ll leave that crap to the egghead LOSERS like Venaas back there! Holding on tight to Talbot’s shoulders, you hiss a simple, but easy to place command into where you assume his ear used to be:

KICK.

Say what you will about the guy--he’s a damn good listener. Picking you up by the scruff of your neck in one massive hand, the giant maintains the momentum of a runaway truck as he drops to the ground and slides towards the skeletons!

PRESS IT!” Howls the button-presser’s squadmate! But it’s TOO LATE! Talbot approaches faster than a bottle rocket, sparks flying off of the shoulder spikes running against the ground as you hang limp like a ragdoll in his grasp with a stupefied look on your face. The soldiers make a last-ditch attempt at survival by ducking behind their cover which, after closer inspection, appears to be some kind of-

FRUIT CAAAAAAARRT!” The soldiers scream, clutching each other in terror! Talbot’s Size HUGE boot crashes into the cart with a deafening ’THUNK’, sending it and the skeletons tumbling out the tunnel exit and into the dark forest beyond! Rising to his feet again in perfect form, your bodyguard plops you back onto his shoulder like a kitten and strides through the TUNNEL EXIT like a sprinter reaching the finish line!

The two of you tromp further down the hill into the forest, but not before purposefully stomping on the fruit and skeleton medley further down the slope! Rewarded with a satisfying crunch, Talbot continues a few more feet before coming to a running stop in the middle of a forest clearing.

As you hop off of his back to wait for the others, the giant takes a few shaky steps before collapsing on his back in a pile of leaves and pine needles! DUN DUN DUUUUN!

"... You don't have ta do dat', ya know." Ly growls.

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4825533
Darting over to his body, you frantically poke him to test for signs of life, but-

“Stan, settle DOWN!” Ly commands! “He’s just takin’ a breather.”

Sure enough, you see Talbot’s remaining eye close halfway as he stretches out on the forest floor. Relieved, you pat him on the shoulder a few times and smile--he did GOOD.

Goooood…” The golem sighs, letting his head rest against the cushion of leaves beneath it. Hearing the sound of an engine approaching, you turn to face the hill you just descended only to find the DETONATOR held aloft in a skeletal hand!

“I…” Croaks what’s left of the skeleton soldier, “I’ve still got an ACE up my sleeve! Everything’s comin’ up OLIVER! HEH HEH HEH!”

You stare confused at the cackling skeleton for a minute before it hits you--ohhh, that’s probably his NAME!

“Say goodnight, freak…” He chuckles, revealing a payload of EXPLOSIVES stuffed into his ribcage! With one last triumphant laugh, the skeleton presses the big red button a-

Well, he tries, but his last stand is cut short by the van careening down the hill and flattening him against the forest floor! Rolling up in front of you, Eddie peers down at you from the window and gives you a smile.

“Fancy seeing you here!”

Before you can answer him, the area lights up like a fireworks show as a massive explosion emerges from the top of the hill! You, the van, and even Talbot are knocked out of the clearing by the blast wave and skid to a halt at the base of a cluster of trees as a tunnel-sized jet of debris and flames rises into the night sky! Not interested in any more surprises, you lie flat in the bush you landed in until things settle down a bit, turning over only after the forest stops shaking!

“Whew!” Mitzi whistles as she hops out of the back of the van! “That got a little hectic!”

“Is RIP okay?!” Eddie shouts before hopping out of the driver’s seat and darting over to the back! The relieved expression on his partially-obscured face upon surveying the back of the van tells you all you need to know.

“Everyone else okay?” Tucker adds in a slightly annoyed tone. As if on cue, Denise stumbles out the back of the van on shaky legs and extends a thumb in the air before puking in a nearby bush. Kiki emerges as well, carrying your MAKESHIFT FLAMETHROWER over to you like a loyal retriever. Good shooting back there!

Very glad I’m on your side, that back there was QUITE the ride…

You blink a few times at Kiki’s response--she can TALK?!

Dysrhythmusia.” Tucker remarks as he approaches you. Bless you!

“No,” He continues, “It’s a pretty rare disorder--Kiki can talk, but she can only-”

If I wanna speak it takes some time: all of my phrases HAVE to rhyme!” Kiki pouts.

...That’s RAD!

>CONTD.
>>
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>>4825535
As you pick yourself up from the bush and stow the MAKESHIFT FLAMETHROWER back in your inventory, you take a moment to survey your team’s landing zone.

KIKI and TUCKER stand close by, most likely trying to get their bearings. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t curious too!

TALBOT remains where he is on the ground with what passes as a weary, contented look on his face.

MITZI stands guard at the edge of the clearing, SCIENCE GUN in hand, trying her best not to look at DENISE who’s still horking her guts out in a nearby bush.