Welcome to Joffrey Baratheon Self Insert Quest, where you play as the cursed QM Elsweyr who has been punished for his questing sins by being cast into the body of the most unlikable Game of Thrones character destined for failure and death on the day of his 12th birthday right before the events of the A Song of Ice And Fire novels start to occur.Last time, Joffrey Baratheon spent the fortnight following his birthday preparing for the assassination of Jon Arryn and his plan to see the murderers punished for their crimes.Now, Joffrey Baratheon speaks with his father the King the night after Jon Arryn died.The fireworks are about to begin.Archive: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Joffrey%20SI
“Mayhaps we should clear out the black cells, Father,” you suggest to King Robert as you walk together. “And bring them North to join the Night’s Watch - collecting volunteers as we go in contribution to Lord Stark. The institution is important to Northman culture, I’ve read.” Robert grunts in disagreement, waving away your idea. “We’ll be traveling slow enough as it is - I won’t lengthen the trip any longer than the months it will take regardless dragging prisoners alongside the King’s retinue. The Night’s Watch has plenty of wandering crows for that task.”More than likely, the recent death of his close friend has made him far more unwilling to dwell or consider political matters in its immediate aftermath. Better then for you to switch tactics to something more appropriate. “Would you be willing to tell me stories of the Hand, father? So that I might know the man and his contributions better.”Robert breathes deep as he considers your request, before turning towards you wearing a wistful smile on his face. “Certainly. I just wish I had told you them sooner.”And with that, Robert drags you along to his bedchambers. Sandor Clegane and Ser Meryn Trant guard the door to this room which contains a canopied bed and twin hearths as well as several bottles of wine and enough plush chairs for half a dozen visitors to sit comfortably in private with the King if he so wishes.The fat drunk pours himself a flagon full of Dornish red liquor and drinks deeply, rivulets of the wine spilling as he gulps and trailing through the wiry mass of coalblack beard hairs which cover his ruddy cheeks and double chin. After shotgunning the first flagon, he pours himself a second glass and sits down across from you, clearing his throat as he prepares to regale you with tales of the good old days.For hours, Robert recounts to you of his youth spent at the Eyrie as a ward of Lord Jon Arryn alongside his best friend and foster brother Eddard Stark. You both take your evening meals in the King’s solar. “Lord Arryn had received this barrel of oranges, Joff,” he explains to you in the midst of one of his stories. “Only the things had gone rotten, so I flung mine across the table and hit this pock-faced squire by the name of Dacks in the service of Ser Redfort right in the nose. He tossed one back at me, and before Jon could so much as fart, there were oranges flying across the High Hall in every direction.” He laughs uproariously, his big fat belly rumbling and shaking from the force of his own voice and you can’t help but smile and chuckle along with him. Times like this are when Robert is at his best. Soon enough, it is the dead of night.And that’s when you hear the knock upon the door.KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Brilliant, now if we need to win over or make small talk with Ned we can tell him the stories Bobby told us. We can even do it in a innocent way by asking if it really happened like that.
How many posts can we make before QM finishes posting?
>>47713651, 2, 3...
>>4771365Red leader standing by
>>4771365Red sun standing by
>>4771365Red Dog standing by
>>4771365Red Giant standing by
>>4771365at least one more
“Your Grace,” Barristan the Bold calls firmly, his voice only somewhat muffled by the wooden material of the door between you both and him.“What is it, Lord Commander?” Robert drunkenly inquires. “There seems to be a situation which requires your presence in the Great Hall,” the veteran knight elucidates. “Lady Arryn was caught attempting to flee the city with her son, the new Lord of the Eyrie. And . . . it appears she wishes to make a confession.”The King groans, his face curdling as he is forcefully dragged from his most joyful memories back to the reality of running an empire. “Gods damn that softheaded woman,” he repeats himself, having made that same declaration last week when he learned of her shared kiss with Littlefinger. He shifts his gaze to where you sit and sighs. “Time for you to see what it means to rule the realm, Joff. Come along.” He gets up from his seat with only some small amount of difficulty and heads to exit his chambers. You follow after the man dutifully, your heart beating in your chest a mile a minute.Meeting up with his retinue of bodyguards in white, your cadre leaves Maegor’s Holdfast at the hour of the wolf, a full moon hanging in the sky overhead to eerily brighten the path you walk back to the Great Hall where your nameday celebratory feast was held just two weeks prior. Entering the throne room through its great oak and bronze double doors, you find the space far more sparsely populated than last you were here and the atmosphere is much more dour. The King and his company walk the length of the long carpet stretching from the throne room’s grandiose entrance to the raised iron dias where the Iron Throne sits. Robert Baratheon takes his seat upon the uncomfortable thing while five members of the Kingsguard assume the proper formation for his ceremonial defense and protection. You stand off to the side along with several members of the Small Council whom you presume were roused from their sleep and summoned to the Great Hall beforehand to witness the events about to occur this chilly night. Lord Varys, Master of Whisperers, bows to you as does Grand Maester Pycelle. Renly and Stannis Baratheon merely nod in your direction, giving you far more furtive, suspicious stares at your unexpected presence at this late hour for the King’s justice to be decided.You notice, disheartened, that Littlefinger is noticeably absent and your stomach sinks into your testicles.Before you can nervously sweat about that fact, the great doors through which you and the King just entered moments prior to your settling in for the circus are thrown open once more and in strides the Chief Architect of Sanitation himself - Tyrion Lannister, The Imp. With him walk dozens of gold cloaks as well as Ser Vardis Egen, the captain of Jon Arryn’s household guards, that redheaded woman from the Rat Catcher’s Guild and Lady Lysa Arryn, regent of the Vale of Arryn.
>>4771401he leftof course he fucking leftah fuck
>>4771432He has no vale this time, Bobby is going to Ned, Lannisters are family. He’s going to go for a Renly Rebellion.
>>4771401>Littlefinger is noticeably absentohFUCKF U C K
>>4771432And half of his schemes just went up in smoke. If Lysa confesses doing it for tiny dick then everyone gets to hear about it and there goes a lot of trust and political clout he could have otherwise mustered. No one truly trusts a snake after all.
>>4771463Yep. Any hint of his involvement is a huge win for us, Baelish’s strength was being underestimated and discrete. If anything, it could be better that he isn’t here to weasel out of things, he may look even more guilty through being absent.
>>4771401Of course Baelish fled the moment he could, he isn't going to get his ass handed to him since he has zero loyalty to Lysa. He might try to sweet talk Renly or go to Winterfell to sweet talk Cat or some other gullable sap into following his schemes. He's going to do everything in his power to point us out as bastards.
>>4771488Baelish has no true friends to begin with, the only person who would be considered a politically powerful ally is Catelyn. Him looking super guilty in this moment even though he fled was worth it
>>4771503Really makes you wish you had a bullshit-tier assassin with a strict code of honor locked up in your basement... such a person could prove useful...
>>4771506Agreed, if Robert puts out word that he is wanted then I doubt there will be many who would hide him or would accept him in their court - in Westeros, at least...
The latter of this somewhat imposing posse has her hands chained and her bloated face looks miserable, red and puffy as if she has spent the last several hours crying herself hoarse.They cross the length of the Great Hall with purpose, the waddling gait of Tyrion at the front setting their slower than normal pace. “Your Grace,” he firmly speaks upon reaching an appropriate distance with which to address the King and bows to make his small, hunched frame even smaller. Robert looks peeved by the tiny blonde shit. “If it isn’t my newest appointee, The Master of Shit,” he japes humorlessly. “For what purpose do you disturb your King’s evening rest, bringing me the widow of my late Hand in chains?.”“Forgive me, Your Grace,” Tyrion eloquently apologizes. “The nature of the position I was so graciously granted requires me to work late into the night when most everyone else should be sleeping. One of my rat catchers was similarly on duty ridding the capital of its nocturnal pests when she spotted a must peculiar sight - Lady Arryn’s carriage mid-departure. The peculiarity was reported to me and, knowing my father was entrusted with the honor of taking young Robert as a ward, I was certainly curious as to the reason for her whole household leaving at such a late hour. I spoke with the gate captain on duty and he seemed to agree with my concern and chose to investigate the strange situation rather than let the procession pass. When it was naturally discovered Lady Arryn was attempting to smuggle her son out of King’s Landing and take him to the mountains of the Vale - going strictly against Your Grace’s wishes as well as that of her own late husband’s, I sought to speak honestly with the Lady of the Eyrie - being that I am the sole representative of House Lannister within the city limits - as to what reason she could possibly have for slighting our great family so dramatically, disobeying the Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and dishonoring the memory of his only recently deceased Hand. I had intended to possibly remedy the situation privately out of consideration for her grief and what madness we all know it can draw out of us at our most vulnerable, but the results of our conversation were . . . dire revelations, to say the least. The guilt of Lady Arryn’s actions proved too great and too heavy for her to bear, weighing upon her breast like a massive stone. She divulged the truth to me during our talk and wishes to confess to her crimes. I had no choice but to act for the good of the realm and have brought her here before you this night so that all may be revealed.” Tyrion gestures for the enfettered, highborn lady to step forward, which she does.
>>4771704She will reveal our bastardy and the little midge will be smited on the spot.
this is going to go badly
>>4771349>And with that, Robert drags you along to his bedchambers.
>>4771721>goldcloaks start stabbing everyone>lil finga teleports behind us>heh nothin personal kid
>>4771721>>4771766>>4771772>>4771822>>4771842I don't understand, could someone elaborate a bit more on what may or may not be happening right now?Are we in danger, or are you guys joking?
>>4771879They're both paranoid and joking. I don't see how her nuking us politically will help her, especially when she has a lot to lose as well. This is assuming she even knows what Littlefinger does in the first place, and I doubt he would tell such an unstable woman sensitive and delicate information like our true parentage.
>>4771910He would have absolutely no reason not to and she has nothing to lose by taking attention off herself or better yet, blaming us for the poisoning in the first place. I bet Stannis would be happy to back her up under the circumstances. Don't worry about it. Nothing will happen because this is wish fulfillment, so it doesn't matter how dumb the plan was.
>>4771926I think we could words our way out of anything she might try to say. We could bring up our tight training schedule, talk about everyone we've interacted with and who we haven't talked to yet. We've never even visited the Hand, so it couldn't be us.
The plump mother then throws herself forward onto her hands and knees, shackles rattling as she falls.“Your Grace,” she warbles directly into the carpeted floor, tears pouring through eyes shut tight. “I poisoned my Lord husband’s wine goblet with the tears of Lys.”King Robert, fully expecting to hear a different story come pouring out the poisoner’s mouth, doesn’t fully process the compact admission of murder for several beats. But once he does, his eyes widen and go bloodshot, his whole body shaking with fury as the mighty man lunges up off his throne of swords into a standing position. “WHAT?!” His bellow of outrage shakes the rafters of the throne room’s high ceiling and everyone, save for Stannis, cringes in reaction.Lysa Arryn quails and quakes, sobbing as she continues her confession. “I did so by the Master of Coin’s command, Your Grace. Petyr ordered me to do it and supplied me the poison with which to use. He then instructed me to write my sister Catelyn as soon as I could and inform her falsely that the Lannisters were secretly responsible for Lord Arryn’s death.”Robert blinks in utter stupefaction while all around him the rest of the Small Council realizes Baelish isn’t here right now among their number to hear all this. “W-why would Lord Baelish do that? Jon gave the man everything!”“So we could be together as husband and wife at last,” she chokes out an answer, still unable to look up and meet the icy blue eyes of King Robert’s wrath. “And so my son would be safe with us at the Eyrie as a family. I beseech your mercy, Your Grace.”Robert’s hands tighten into balled up fists. “BRING ME LITTLEFINGER!” he demands of the city guardsmen with a shout so fierce you fear it might shatter the stained glass windows and wake up everyone still sleeping in the Red Keep. “SCOUR THE CITY UNTIL YOU FIND THAT TURNCLOAK!”As several men wearing golden cloaks scatter to enact the King’s will, the King himself breathes heavy, ragged breaths as he simmers in the raging inferno of the betrayal.Renly Baratheon, the Master of Laws steps forward, clearing his throat. “Pardon me, my lady,” he speaks with an affected and sarcastic politeness, drawing the gaze and ire of his brother as he interjects himself into the delicate situation so boldly, “but if I may ask: why involve blaming the Lannisters for the murder in this plot of yours at all? You seemed to have successfully fooled our doddering Grand Maester.”Pycelle grumbles defensively at the flippant youth’s insult.“Why convince anyone, covertly or not, that the Hand was poisoned rather than that he died of natural causes as we all believed happened until you were caught fleeing the capital?"
>>4771946Ofc little Finger fucked OffI want to Hang that guy
>>4771508OH SHIT there is a breathing plot device right in our dungeon? how could I have forgotten!!!! LET' SGOOOO
>>4771926Because Baelish is known for his pawns the truth? The man's a schemer, he isn't stupid enough to tell his side hoe his secrets and hidden plots.
>>4771930>I think we could words our way out of anything she might try to say.Lol, based on... what? QM fiat in favor of stupid plans not accounting for loose ends? No one would expect that a 12 year old did it himself. But to order it? Joff pulls a dumber stunt in canon with Bran. Looks like Renly is fishing for that Lannister incest bastard plot line right now to tie it all together.
>>4771946>Renlyoh come on!!! excelent writing trickqm, the pacing is great and how the characters flow is charming
>>4771996Uhh the incest isn't much of a secret. Even Ned manages to figure it out with all the smirking advisors lightly prodding him on. Lysa could know from any one of maybe 6 people or from her own eyes.
>>4771989see>>4771508>>4771992Funny how often that happens, isn't it? I forgot too until I started rereading the series.
>>4771946FFS renly let it go ya bender
Lysa gulps, raising her head only slightly at the honest, critically analytical question. “I . . . I don’t know, my lord. Petyr was always clever. I never questioned him about it.”Renly makes a show of recoiling at that answer. “Really? Because as the woman sharing Jon Arryn’s bed, you would naturally be one of the primary suspects as his poisoner. It seems not only an unnecessary addition to the scheme, but one that would likely lead to an investigation of a crime which you now confess you are the true culprit of. Why would the Master of Coin tell you to do this?”“What are you getting at, Renly?” Robert snarls at his youngest brother. Renly shrugs. “As your Master of Laws and advisor on the administration of justice in the realm, Your Grace, this convoluted component of the treachery makes little sense as I understand it. The Master of Coin is a smart man. Even if he loved Lady Arryn and was ruthless enough to kill the Hand of the King for her hand in marriage and so that he could rule the Vale of Arryn, why would he make that unnecessary risk revealing foul play was involved, targeting the Lannisters of all people? Their family has never done wrong by Lord Baelish - in fact, as Master of Coin, Littlefinger has overseen us borrowing millions of gold dragons from Lord Tywin’s coffers. If anyone, I imagine he’d pin the blame on the master of ships or Lord Varys. Why should I believe this to be truth?”“For one, Littlefinger isn’t here, brother,” Stannis speaks through grit teeth. “Are you forgetting she confessed,” The King reminds Renly. “And I believe it to be a falsely extracted confession,” the master of laws gets to the point of his doubts. “Brought about by the Imp torturing a widow gone half-mad with grief for his own sick pleasure. Mayhaps he’s the one who threatened her into killing her husband and wishes to foist the blame for his evil off onto Lord Baelish.”Tyrion cocks an eyebrow at Renly’s reversal. “Oh? And what do I gain from The Hand’s death.” Renly shrugs. “With Littlefinger out of the way, mayhaps my brother will be grateful for your noble part in avenging his Hand’s murder with your well-timed discovery and take enough pity on you to name you Master of Coin. You muck about in filth and shit for fun. I doubt you need a reason to spread misery. You’ve been here for scarcely more than a fortnight, Freak, and now, suddenly, the Hand perishes and we must execute his grief-stricken widow and the Master of Coin as well because you expect us to believe you haven’t coerced this poor woman into speaking these lies to our faces. How very convenient that misfortune coincides with your arrival and appointment.” Renly turns towards his brother and bows. “I hope you’ve enjoyed your jape, Your Grace. Because I believe it has cost us dearly.”>Say something? (write-in)>Keep quiet
>Say something? (write-in)>"Perhaps the 'Master of Laws' is feeling great shame at having overlooked the snake that sat within arms reach for all this time. Maybe he wishes to shift the blame to ease his ego. Though I would not think less of him for missing such a clever and insidious traitor like Littlefinger." Too much? Eh. Didn't want to seem to confrontational about it. All we really need to do is keep the focus on Baelish.
>>4772086Oh fuck you Renly.I'm not sure exactly how to respond here. Maybe something like>Father! You remember what I saw not even a week ago, surely that lends credence to Tyrion's tale
>>4772101>>4772103Somehow combining these two would make it even better.
>>4772101this>>4772103but /WHISPER/ this. dont fucking say it out loud man
>>4772106Yeah what this guy said.
>>4772103This. We gotta back Tyrion up somehow, even though Robert told us not say anything.
>>4772086> If anyone, I imagine he’d pin the blame on the master of shipsDamn, what a burn Renly. We may be able to use that to our advantage later.Either way, this political ploy will fall flat on its face. Tyrion's ploy was to kill the Hand, capture Lysa fleeing, and force a confession to gain the title of Master of Coin? What of Littlefinger fleeing?I trust Tyrion can adequately defend himself without our intervention. Plus, Robert's knowledge of the infidelity beforehand will sway him to our side.>Keep quiet
>>4772106This is preferable
>>4772086>>Keep quietLet the grown ups talk
>>4772086>>Keep quietgoing with this for now.
>>4772086>keep quietYou kniggas forgetting he's TWELVE? Why the fuck would he talk like this >>4772101>>4772103And jumping up to defend him with this will make us look biased. Let Bobby do Bobby. The midge is expendable and might get let off anyway.
>>4772146>The midge is expendableNever. Midget is best nuncle.
>>4772146>You kniggas forgetting he's TWELVE?You forgetting that the guy possessing this twelve year old is NOT?
>>4772152So we should talk like we're putting on Shakespearian play instead of maintaining our cover? I guess that at least fits the autism of Elsweyr.
>>4772156>instead of maintaining our cover?I guess tongue fucking our mother's facehole is pretty in vogue for twelve year olds, yeah.>I guess that at least fits the autism of Elsweyr.Now you got it!
>>4772152You think that'll matter to the others? For all intents and purposes, we ARE twelve to them lad. At best they'll laugh at our accusations. I trust Tyrion, and when our nuncle said to let him handle it, I say we trust his judgment.Though if we really wanna gain some brownie points with the Tulleys, we could plead for leniency on Lysa's behalf. Imprisonment instead of execution.
>>4772152I just think we should avoid attracting attention to our schemy schemingness for this moment. We can have big ball reveals and monologuey replies aplenty later.
>>4772170>At best they'll laugh at our accusations.Good. Then they'll think we're just a melodramatic little shit. Which is a very good thing for people to think. No one ever expects great things from silly children after all.
>>4772177We will bully this midge, anon. Just so many things we will do.
>>4772184>this was an elaborate ploy Sounds like reaching to justify an out of place write-in. I'm getting ratburger flashbacks.
>>4772188Sounds like a Gendryfag to me.
>>4772188Ratanons... we got too cocky...
>>4772188Do I sound like a faggot with a plan? No. These are happy accidents and they just make me like it more.
>>4772202So, Ratanon and Gendryfag confirmed.
>>4772188>>4772195>the two sides of the anon coin>ratfags >gendryfagsIt's the duality of man.
>ratfags>GendryfagsOnly about two weeks of this quest and already we've got history and factions duking it out for King of the mountain
>>4772226It really makes one dread the future. What horrific fags to come? The fagtions we have are way cooler than waifufags though.
>>4772101>>4772105>>4772106>>4772115>>4772122>>4772129>>4772133>>4772177Such defiance!>>4772103>>4772105>>4772106 (whisper)>>4772115 (whisper)>>4772119>>4772122 (whisper)>>4772129 (whisper)>>4772133 (whisper)>>4772177They were kissing!>>4772121>>4772125>>4772135>>4772140>>4772146Keep quiet
>>4772233Wut. That pink ID got counted 4 times lol.
>>4772140>>4772233Make that 5. And he ended on this.
>>4772249Yeah looks like he might be zoned out. All over the place.
>>4772233Can I support>they were kissing!!!I don't know if there is still time for voting, as you haven't called it
>>4772086>Keep quietif it hasn’t been called yet
>>4772086>Keep quietNeither Robert nor Tyrion are retarded, there's no need for us to interject.
>>4772233can we dab too
Are the Quietboiz rising up?
>>4772414day just started for me
>>4772101>>4772106>>4772115>>4772129>>4772133>>4772177Such defiance!>>4772103>>4772106 (whisper)>>4772115 (whisper)>>4772119>>4772129 (whisper)>>4772133 (whisper)>>4772177>>4772302They were kissing!>>4772121>>4772125>>4772135>>4772140>>4772146>>4772390>>4772401>>4772405Keep quiet>>4772403Dab>>4772233Updated, with >>4772249 taken into consideration.
>>4772430>Keep quietWe still voting?
>>4772441And there's our tiebreaker, quietbois! Let's stop the count now.
>>4772441I don't know, but it doesn't hurt anybody if we do.
>>4772430Personally I'd throw out the vote of the serial revoter. And not because bias for my own option. I can understand changing your mind but at least have the common courtesy of linking your previous votes to say you're changing your mind. You know? It's just annoying. But I also set ground rules for avoiding headaches when it comes to voting so that's probably just my autism bleeding over.
>>4772444Understandable, but that still make it a tie.Unless we consider the Whisper option as a different vote that is.
>>4772446Yeah I don't mind how the result turns out. I don't have anything against trusting Tyrion, I just like to be a mouthy asshole. Probably fits Joff better, too. But being quiet is hopefully not a bad play. Renly isn't going to make it easy whether we say something or not, though. Since he has thrown shade at us and Tyrion.Whisper is still saying it though, so it does oppose staying quiet. It'd probably just be a matter of flavor rather than content. That's my interpretation at least. I guess it depends on whether you want the mention of THE DIRTY LIE Petyr and Lysa rendezvous to be a direct condemnation or just a helpful reminder to Bobby.
>>4772430To break the tie, I vote for whisper if voting is still allowed
Ironically, we have to act like Baelish to be most effective, i.e using intrigue subtly and not playing our hand where many can see unless it’s a killing blow. This is in no small part due to the fact that we are not yet king and are 12 years old. Better to let the adults quarrel and throw accusations at each other while we are not even considered a threat. Also, the only thing we can do at this point is wait for the entire situation to become clear before we react - we especially shouldn’t draw attention to ourselves as the instigators of suspicion in the first place.
>>4772454I think we should get hint an investigate to pops on baelish handling of the state treasury and end up finding how and why the crown is so deep in debt.
>>4772430>"Father, have you tried a ratburger?"
>>4772454Renly hasn't thrown shade at us, only Tyrion. That'll change as soon as we open our mouths. What would have been more damning is why would a Lannister get rid of a man that's done right by them, by Renly's own admission? Seems very unLannister-like to me.>>4772456That's if we throw out >>4772140 final vote, which may not happen. Funnily enough, you may have just tied up the vote again. I'm not opposed to reminding Bobby B as long as we're quite about it.>>4772463Now that, is a beautiful idea. Full support.
>>4772463If you can think of a way of slipping into the conversation I'd be down for it. All I can think of is goofy shit to say it so that's right out.>>4772469Yeah every time I see "your grace" I think they mean Joff. That's my b. Though if Renly knows it was by our suggestion that Tyrion got his position then it would absolutely be an indirect slight on us as well. I don't know if Bob every brought it up with him.But isn't defending our dear uncle very Lannister-y? Irregardless of Tyrion's questionable or not motives I mean. There is no wrong option, just varying degrees of right imo.
>>4772467Based ratposter. We must bide our time, however. When we are king, the day of the rat will come.
>>4772482>the day of the rat will come.This is a surprisingly menacing statement.
>>4772478True, there isn't a wrong option. I do think he's talking to the king instead of us though, as it was the king who decreed it. Whether Bobby B told anybody the idea he executed came from a twelve year old boy is up for interpretation.>>4772482>we become the rat-king, based philosopher-king of Westeros
>>4772505Well it's not just any boy. It's his son. And even if he gives him the youngest treatment it's still his brother he'd be talking to. I can see him mentioning it if the opportunity arose but outside of a passing "there's a new position, the Imp's filling it" there probably wouldn't be any reason to go in depth with it. I'd entertain the possibility but I wouldn't bet on it.If it turns out to actually be a great fucking idea though you can bet B man to tell at least his small council before he croaks that his son had at least one great idea. Unless he's too drunk.
>>4772233>Father! You remember what I saw not even a week ago, surely that lends credence to Tyrion's taleLike dad. That's another credible source.
Quick reminder that Mandon Moore, Member of the Kingsguard is a Baelish crony and should be sent on some suicide mission to open up his spot for someone cooler.
>>4772467>>4772482>>4772492>>4772505Why not raise hyper aggressive opossums to hunt rats, and make the little guys the hip new pets of Westeros or something? opossums aren't very likely to transmit diseases I think, or maybe I'm thinking about the fact they eat lice and ticks.
>>4772531Or you could just kill him. If you sent him off to die he'd probably just leave. He's already a traitor. A deserter isn't far off. Though I guess he doesn't have to die if you just want a new peep in instead.
>>4772544Anon they want to feed the rats to peasants not possums.
>>4772551Aye, but if possums become a popular pet, then people will want food for them.Boom, feed your pet possums some delicious ratburgers.
>>4772560Are you taking the piss?
>>4772478Maybe suggest a full investigation of Baelish and his time as master of coin and what ties he has made to determine the truth and if he acted with other conspirators?
So I had the displeasure of seeing pictures of the actors for the nu-House of the Dragons HBO show based on the Dance of Dragons and they black washed Corlys Velaryon. I dropped any interests I had of the new show as soon as I saw that bullshit. Why can't Hollywood come up with interesting Black characters instead of race bending established characters?
Question for you gents. In regards to the inevitable White Walker invasion of the future. . .In the show and books especially, the Maesters claim magic is involved in the creation of Wildfire. The spells were not as powerful as they once were, due to the death of the Dragons, but the Alchemists still use them.When Daenerys raises her three dragons, magic will slowly trickle back into the world, and potentially that includes the properties of wildfire.I am of the opinion that, unlike normal fire, Wildfire will prove effective against the White Walkers. We have seen that Dragon fire is magical, unable to be dispelled by the Warlocks of Qarth (in the show), so if Wildfire has a hint of magic too it it could be a very useful weapon in addition to Dragon Glass and what limited valyerian steel can be had.
>>4772859I thought we had already agreed to carpet bomb the white walkers in the earlier threads? If there is someone among the Others like the show's "Night King" who is immune to fire we have to develop a contingency plan for that.
>>4772859Oh yeah, we should definitely get in touch with the alchemists. Regardless of it's effect on White Walkers a few fire ships packed with the stuff would ruin FAegon's day when his fleet tries to land. Or trebuchets if we can launch it safely enough.>>4772882>If there is someone among the Others like the show's "Night King" who is immune to fire we have to develop a contingency plan for that.Jaime, Barristan and Ser Robert Strong swinging Valyrian steel.
>>4772920Get rid of Varys first and half of the brains for the Blackfyre takeover plan will fail. It would be fun to reenact blackwater bay with FAegon's fleet, or if he approached by land with the elephants we carpet bomb them like with the Others. The biggest threat in our quest is probably Euron if he actually does summon ocean abominations and dragonbinds Viserion.
>>4772859A lot can go wrong with magic napalm. Be careful anons.
>>4772960Nah let's try everyone's ideas last thread for a napalm cannon or napalm bombs because neither of those are utterly retarded and are 100% sure to work to perfection.
>>4772960No, wait. Wildfire guns. It's not too hard to make a gun, is it?Just get some craftsmen and bang it out over the summer.
Alternatively, the White Walker invasion might never happen so long as the magic Wall doesn't fall.Instead we'd probably have to deal with years and years of winter until Azor Ahai kills the Night King. The good news is, it means we have effectively stopped D&D from butchering that plot line!
>>4772430Sorry I was very tired>>4772140Is my actual vote
>>4773015Yeah, we just need to keep Dresden Danny and her dragons away from the wall and make sure that the Night's Watch have plenty of obsidian-tipped arrows.
Wait why dont we just invent antifreeze and put it in some hotdog weenies and poison the dragons?
>>4773112Put antrifreeze in daddy robert's wine
>>4773086Away from the wall and in our chambers, you mean.
>>4773151Whatever stops her from feeding one of her pets to raspberry Darth Maul.
>>4772859From earlier threads initial discussions/potential plans for this were:- wildfire grenades (small pots thrown by rank and file)- wildfire thrown by trebuchet/catapult, again likely stored in clay pots- dragonglass arrows (required from Dragonstone of course) - the above but fired by Summer Islander archers (either mercs or supporters of Jalabhar Xho in exchange for an invasion on his behalf)Issues surrounding this:- transport/maintenance of wildfire in pots (diatomaceous earth is a potential solution, as seen with TNT)- vulnerability and volatility of wildfire stored in a battlefield/military scenario- convincing Jalabhar to rally archers to come to Westeros, and then our obligation to him if he lives (mercs are easier if available but potentially expensive)- securing of Dragonglass should Stannis/whoever controls it refuse accessgunpowder/modern knowledge of firearms was also suggested but general attitude is against this, as is QMAlso I agree regarding Euron. I mentioned that he will be a bigger threat than Balon’a potential revolt, should he return to Pyke.
>>4773190Sorry, the Euron reference was for >>4772941
>>4773190Wildfire is probably too expensive and dangerous for rank and file troops to be throwing around by hand. Its more workable, safer, and probably more cost effective to fire it from crew served weapons platform, plus more damage and greater range.
>>4773222or used in traps like at kings landing
>>4773222Agreed, and who am I to disagree with those trips? I also forgot to mention my plan Z, namely arming the faith militant if The Others are at the door - normally throwing more bodies at them is a bad idea but at this point it would be a last ditch effort loading up some holy warriors and true believers with wildfire in defence of the living against an unholy enemy
>>4773230Sure, but the amount that was put there might have been dramatic overkill....
>>4773180blueberry, you mean
You chuckle. “Mayhaps the Master of Laws feels great shame at having overlooked the snake that sat within arms reach for all this time and wishes to shift the blame to soothe his ego. Though I would not think less of him for missing such a clever and insidious traitor like Littlefinger.”Renly turns towards you, quirking his own rueful smirk. “Oh, it’s not my ego in question, nephew. The blame of overlooking a poisoning falls on the head of the maester charged with treating the victim. And the shame of not sniffing the plot out beforehand on the Master of Whisperers. If I were to believe the story this woman compromised by the Imp’s no doubt despicable methods has told us, I’d have no choice but to entreat my brother the King to release both Lord Varys and Pycelle from their positions on the Small Council. To think neither one of them had found proof of these bold claims beforehand is folly. I remain unconvinced the Hand was even poisoned in the first place without actual evidence. I find it far more likely that the dwarf is opportunistically taking advantage of a tragic situation.”You think about interjecting with some more dumb shit you want to say, but eventually the multitude of voices in your head convince you to keep your mouth shut and just watch what happens unfold for now.Robert turns his angered glare on the Grand Maester. “Pycelle!” he roars at the old man fiercely enough you fear he’s going to die of a heart attack. “What are the Tears of Lys? Is it possible that Jon was poisoned?” The bearded scholar shuffles forward, his maester’s chain rattling. “The Tears of Lys is a rare and expensive poison made by the alchemists in the Free City of its namesake. It is clear, tasteless, odorless and leaves no trace. When dissolved in liquids and swallowed, it eats away at the stomach and bowels. I admit, when I took over treatment for Lord Jon, I may have mistook its effects for a sudden illness. We are not the Free Cities, where such things are common. Grand Maester Aethelmure wrote that all men carry murder in their hearts, yet even so, the poisoner is beneath contempt. It is the weapon of women, cravens and . . . eunuchs.” The Grand Maester turns his head to regard the plump, bald, effeminate eunuch wearing rich silks, velvets and damasks, smelling of lavender, lilacs and rosewater. “You were born in Lys, were you not, Lord Varys?”The spider tiptoes forward in his soft slippers upon address, clasping his equally soft, white hands together. “Yes, Grand Maester, I was. And because of this I am far more familiar with these methods and their effects. As you have said, The Tears of Lys are a rare and costly thing, clear and sweet as water, and it leaves no trace. There are no doubts in my mind that The Hand of the King was poisoned.” Renly steps back, appalled. “Why didn’t you go to the King and say something?”
>>4773396>"FAegon gud, Blackfyre gud, you guys suck"Varys probably.
>>4773414it's like jpg but it's way more anime and nationalist
>>4773414it means Japanese
“I am the Master of Whisperers, my lord,” Varys explains with a humble bow. “Not the Master of baseless proclamations. I possessed no proof and, worse yet, no one to accuse if I had voiced my suspicions. My craft is a subtle one and requires much preparation before I act. As the Chief Architect of Sanitation has demonstrated, to come forward at all, let alone without sufficient evidence, is to invite suspicion onto oneself merely for broaching the subject. And I see no meaningful distinction between distrusting a dwarf on principle and mistrusting a eunuch.”Tyrion smiles.“As for preventing the plot from succeeding . . . I tried. I begged Lord Arryn to use a taster, but he would not hear of it. Only one who was less than a man would even think of such a thing, he told me.”“So you did nothing while my friend was dying in his bed?!” the King demands, incensed and unconvinced by the Spider’s explanation. “What use are you, then?”>Grand Maester Pycelle is either incompetent or complicit in the poisoning. Get rid of him, Father.>If Varys had said something, the Grand Maester may have been able to save Jon Arryn’s life. Get rid of him, Father.>Say both of these things, convince King Robert to rid himself of both these schemers>Just keep your fucking mouth shut. KEEP. YOUR. FUCKING. MOUTH. SHUT.>Other (write-in)
>>4773427>>Just keep your fucking mouth shut. KEEP. YOUR. FUCKING. MOUTH. SHUT.Lets not push it.
>>4773427>>Just keep your fucking mouth shut. KEEP. YOUR. FUCKING. MOUTH. SHUT.
>>4773427>Other (write-in)We want these guys to stay here so we can take care of them ourselves with a "for certain" method, right? Let's say "Looks like everyone failed to do their jobs and made a big oopsie I can't wait for that jailbait dragon cunny." *dabs*
>>4773427>Just keep your fucking mouth shut. KEEP. YOUR. FUCKING. MOUTH. SHUT.
>>4773427>Just keep your fucking mouth shut. KEEP. YOUR. FUCKING. MOUTH. SHUT.We've said enough, Varys and Baelish have terrible optics right now.
>>4773427robert must be honestly about to grab is war hammer and kill everyone in the room
>>4773427>Just keep your fucking mouth shut. KEEP. YOUR. FUCKING. MOUTH. SHUT. also this might be one of the best passive aggressive narratives I’ve seen>You think about interjecting with some more dumb shit you want to say, but eventually the multitude of voices in your head convince you to keep your mouth shut and just watch what happens unfold for now.
>>4773451I agree QM captured Renly's smug passive aggressive tone to a T. Its almost scary how accurate it is.
>>4773427>Just keep your fucking mouth shut. KEEP. YOUR. FUCKING. MOUTH. SHUT
Guys what's happening now? The only one I'm invested in is Tyrion.
>>4773427>Just keep your fucking mouth shut. KEEP. YOUR. FUCKING. MOUTH. SHUT.You retards never listen. Ratburgered.
>>4773496Hi George Martin
>>4773497Rat burgers are gross. Just feed them to snakes. Snakes get get into small spaces.
>>4773507It is infact I, George Martin, the famous english record producer. Are you a fan?
>>4773513FINISH THE BOOK FATTY. Eh, actually if it was finished FAegon would be some black kid that was casted to play him in the show or Jon Con would be the black washed character. Y'know what, keep the book unfinished. Dany autistically burning down her own kingdom was worth it.
>>4773517Thanks for the Corlys Velaryon reminder.
>>4773523ayo bix nood where the dragons at dog
>>4773523WE WUZ TARGZ. The only "Black" Targ allowed is Nettles, I think she was the only one confirmed to be a mulatto girl? Daemon had jungle fever for that thot.
>>4773427>>Just keep your fucking mouth shut. KEEP. YOUR. FUCKING. MOUTH. SHUT.We know what Pycelle & Varys are up to, getting them in the shit wins us nothing but enemies or new assholes in the small council. Better the devil you know.
Caught up finally.> keep your mouth shut.
>>4773427>Just keep your fucking mouth shut. KEEP. YOUR. FUCKING. MOUTH. SHUT.Wtf? I thought keeping silent won the vote?
>Other (write-in): Say the n-word.
>>4773677thats what I thought
>>4773677I thought so too
“Mayhaps I can be of some service in determining the true culprit behind the Hand’s murder, Your Grace,” Varys replies smoothly to the King’s fury, bowing. “I make it a habit to keep the eyes of my little birds on new arrivals to the capital. I assure you the Chief Architect of Sanitation is innocent of any wrongdoing. His attentions have been preoccupied by cisterns and rats. He has had no dealings with Lady Lysa nor the Hand until tonight.”Renly utters a performative sigh. “So you say,” he dismissively acknowledges. “Since everyone potentially responsible for the death of Lord Jon Arryn seems to now readily agree that someone must be, I must retract my disbelief at his having been poisoned. And as we possess a confessed poisoner with motive and opportunity to perform the deed, I no longer see reason to doubt her confession, though blindly trusting her word as to her accomplice still rings hollow to my ears. The Imp and the Spider could have just as easily made an alliance of the grotesques and conspired to use Lady Lysa as a disposable tool to rid themselves of three birds with one stone.” He smiles as he makes that metaphor and you can’t help but laugh, seeing as all three individuals utilize a bird of some form in their heraldry. “Mayhaps the Grand Maester was in on it as well as a representative of the infirmities of age to match their own deformities.”You lean over and whisper into the King’s ear, “You remember what I saw not even a week ago, Father, surely that lends credence to Tyrion's tale.”Robert Baratheon nods, listening to your counsel before confronting his youngest brother, sobering up and calming down somewhat. “Lady Lysa has been close to Lord Baelish since her girlhood when they were foster siblings.” He turns to regard the thick-bodied murderess, head still bowed towards the floor, her auburn hair masking her sobbing face. “You were horning your husband with him, weren’t you?”There is a pause as she noisily swallows thick globs of saliva, before finally looking up into the irate King’s judgmental face fearlessly, tears still staining her face and streaking down her chubby cheeks. “I’ve always loved him, Your Grace!” Lysa admits unabashedly and undeniably genuine and unhinged. “I gave him my maiden’s gift. I gave him a daughter I couldn’t hold. I would have given him a son too, but they murdered him with moon tea. It was Petyr I was meant for. How long we have suffered and dreamed of one another - we love each other. We made a baby together, a precious little baby.” She trails off into muttering as she loses steam.Every man on the Small Council’s face curdles in disgust at her outburst.
>>4773451kek.>Just keep your fucking mouth shut. KEEP. YOUR. FUCKING. MOUTH. SHUT.And yeah >>4773469 this writing makes me *see* the characters playing it out.
>>4773707so it's settled then
>>4773707Yeah eat shit renly ya faggot.
>>4773707Not gonna lie. She has some big balls>>Just keep your fucking mouth shut. KEEP. YOUR. FUCKING. MOUTH. SHUT
>>4773732a faggot and a simp what a shock
>>4773707Gang shit, fellas. Time to chum it up with Harry the Heir.
>>4773773im gonna die without ever surprise-slapping Hodor's fat asscheeks
Robert clenches and unclenches his fists, seething. “I was aware of this infidelity,” he bitterly reveals. “And I did nothing. I said I would handle the situation the day she was caught in Littlefinger’s bed and like a sick jape that day has come so soon in a way I couldn’t possibly imagine. Like a fool, I allowed the rot to fester without acting. If I had, Jon might still draw breath this day. My inaction cost him his life.”Morose silence lingers in the throne room for several seconds before the youngest Baratheon brother gulps and breaks it. “Shall I fetch Ser Ilyn Payne, Your Grace?” Unable to muster the indignant rage any longer, King Robert merely nods for the royal executioner to be brought in.>Plead for mercy on behalf of Lysa Arryn>Suggest her son Robert is probably Littlefinger’s bastard and should be executed in his stead if you can’t find him>Keep quiet>Other (write-in)Apologies for the hour long delay. This whole scene I've been writing the last two days was an incredibly intricate thing to craft and think about it and I honestly didn't know where and how it should/would end.
>>4773779>Keep quietThis is the best outcome already. Let's not fuck it up.
>>4773779>Keep quietShe might deserve the headsman's axe, but it would just be pointless cruelty to drag little spazzy what's-his-cops into it.
Didn't Stannis say no to a Shireen Sweetrobin match in the books, or am I misremembering? He's like the count of a shitty island and his daughter has a stone face but even he's like "no thanks"
>>4773779depressed robert makes me feel sad>keep quiteshe's too mad this is honestly a mercy let her die thinking the finger actually loved her
>>4773779>Plead for mercy on behalf of Lysa ArrynMust the child lose two parents In as many days?
>>4773779Who would inherit the Vale if both mother and son were executed?
>>4773779>Apologies for the hour long delay. This whole scene I've been writing the last two days was an incredibly intricate thing to craft and think about it and I honestly didn't know where and how it should/would end.don't worry nigga, its coming out great. thats all that matters>Keep quietthe elss we play, the better>>4773794yes
>>4773797probably either a cadet branch if it exists or it would be up for some sort of election or delgation depending on how th legal system works
>>4773779>Plead for mercy on behalf of Lysa ArrynCatlyn could be a problem if her kin is executed, which could not only alienate the Starks but give her reason to help Littlefinger. >Other (write-in)>”Father, you recently spoke to me of mercy for ones foes. Lady Arryn is guilty of this heinous murder, but it was the Master of Coin who manipulated her. I would ask that you reconsider this punishment for the sake of not only Lady Arryn and her son, but for Lord Jon Arryn - he was a man of not only compassion and honour, but also justice. You showed mercy to your foes during the rebellion under the Mad King, your display of mercy for Lady Arryn and her son will demonstrate to the realm that although Lord Arryn has fallen, his legacy of honour and justice has not.”QM the writing is awesome, don’t burn yourself out
yeah your writing the chars pretty well for what is a shitty isekai qurest
>>4773779>>Keep quietbye bye Lysa
>>4773779>>Plead for mercy on behalf of Lysa ArrynShe's the sister in law of Ned Stark and daughter of Holster Tully, she needs punishing, but not executing. Her execution could start a war. The vale needs to go to someone like Bronze Yohn, she needs to be kept somewhere.
>>4773779>Keep quietding dong the bitch is dead
>>4773797Harrold Hardyng, a book-only character. Bit of a twat, but not irredeemably so. Apparently looks just like Jon in his teens, despite being a grand-nephew.
>>4773779Oh, and>>Other (write-in)>Propose letting Lysa pick between execution and joining the Silent SisterhoodShould be a good compromise.
>>4773802MERCY IS FOR THE SOLDIER AND THE WARRIOR, NOT FOR THE POISONER.>keep quiet
>>4773794>>4773802>>4773815After ned finds out lysa poisoned jon and cucked him muh honor he will have to deal with cait bitching forever, but we won't call his banners for this
>>4773846when is she not bitching
>>4773846And the Tulley's? How would they feel?
>>4773779>Keep quietKeeping them alive does nothing to further our plans Having someone competent ruling the Vale would be great
>>4773845>>4773846Even if the Starks and Tullys do nothing, we are giving Catelyn motivation to help Baelish. If her sister isn’t executed then she will be much less likely to help him.
>>4773842Both exist in westeros, similarly to feudal and medieval societies, it's just that the electors are quite limited and usually awarded the duty. like cardinals electing a pope, or liege lords voting as partitions of kingdom councils. or a small council to king george voting themselves out of debts, and so on.
>>4773779>Keep quietMercy fags can simp somewhere else.
>>4773779>Keep quiet.We gotta appear like a son learning to be king etc.
>>4773779>Apologies for the hour long delay. This whole scene I've been writing the last two days was an incredibly intricate thing to craft and think about it and I honestly didn't know where and how it should/would end.It's a pivotal moment where we majorly divert canon, and it's really good. Hope you've a good idea what this is likely to affect in future because we've basically neutered everything Baelish was going to do, betraying Ned, the Crown / Tyrell alliance was him & Tyrion, the idea to dress a knight up as dead Renly to frighten Stannis troops, engineering Tyrion's wedding to Sansa, a whole bucket of stuff.
>>4773858It's less of a simp and more like pragmatism. Killing her gives us nothing beneficial, keeping her alive may give us a card we can play as leverage later on. That is, if we're really playing the 5d chess game (which technically we are, operating with future knowledge and such).
>>4773858We've an opportunity to keep the Starks & Tully's onside. Even if they don't rebel, being the voice of mercy for Holster's daughter will be appreciated by Cait and the Tully's, it's inevitable they will learn we're the one who asked Bobby to offer it.
>>4773858Canon execution of Ned began a shitstorm. If we go down the same route it’ll turn people against each other, making Bobby and the Lannisters the enemy instead of Littlefinger. If we kill Lysa then we risk shifting the focus away from Jon Arryn’s murder and finding Baelish.
@4773849tully not tulley
>>4773779>>4773802>>4773815+1 for these reasons. They sound legit enough. maybe throw her in prison? Shame her? Make her do manual labor for all her remaining years?
>>4773901Best alternative to the dungeons or house arrest I’ve seen is this anon’s suggestion >>4773835
>>4773779>>>Keep quietLysa dies.
>>4773779>keep quietHoly shit mercyfags are ratburgered. She killed the Hand. Do you want to look like a total pussy?
I mean executing her will surely backfire somehow but I'm very curious in what way.
>>4773918These people are going to do something mega retarded like sparing Varys or Baelish when we get our hands on them. They might even spare the Night King and use mental gymnastics to justify him as some kind of popsicle political chip or some stupid shit like that.
>>4773932Every action has a reaction anon. Mercyfags have to cope with the fact that there will be no golden ending in this world, it isn't waifu shit like Fate.
Guys let's just try to convince Robert to let her be our waifu!
>>4773932stop giving Trick ideas
>>4773933>guys stop and think about this. We need him to win the support of the polar bears. Plus of he ends up having a daughter at some point...
maybe wait for the tulleys and starks to be informed first then execute her dredge up all of baelishs crimes first make the charges undeniable even to cat
>>4773945I'm itching to start the harem element of this quest, so if you'd like to jump start it . . .
>>4773933Unnecessary execution of disgraced woman with politically powerful family ≠ killing a direct threat. What do we stand to gain by killing Lysa? Baelish was the target of our intrigue, and he isn’t here. The only way I can see this being any use is that we are perhaps can predict that Baelish will go to Catelyn, but this is risky as it could risk bad blood with the Starks.
>>4773951No. She dies. there can only be one Milf in our Harem
>>4773951Put up a Redwyne vote prompt and let the games begin.
>>4773959i'm sorry, why did the redwynes suddenly become a topic of conversation, i'm actually really confused because they're book-only minor family
>>4773918>letting other's opinions dictate your choicesWho's the real ratboi here?>>4773933I think your doing mental gymnastics trying to justify killing her. Keeping a pawn in chains isn't the same as letting a threat go free ratboi.
>>4773951Ok I'm changing my vote for myrcella then. Got keep the family tradition goin
Probably buttblasted sansafags desu
really is gonna be horrifying imprisoning her because slowly but surely she will relize that baelish isn't gonna save her even though he probably could
If the 3 eyed raven knows everything then does he know we know everything about how he knows everything and the things to come?
>>4773959t. danyfag>>4773963Just some retard that thinks marrying a redwyne is a better option than a tyrell, probably trying to split votes.
>>4773987Wasn't it just one anon who obsessed over the Redwyne slut and seethed after his killing Gendry fate point failed?
>>4773951Night Queen or else no deal.
I don't see Ned and Hoster ever rebelling against Bobby's decision.
>>4773995Especially when the poisoning narrative and the infidelity allegations come out. Bobby is the fucking King, unless he kills someone for zero reason nothing bad will happen. Ned has no reason to save this old thot, and Holster could give a rats ass since Sweetrobin is still alive. She deserves to die, period.
>>4773990We call him the rat king.>>4773995A rebellion never starts from a single action, but a foundation of mistrust and petty slights. Who would have thought the death of the Hand would have led to the War of the Five Kings?
>>4773990>seethed after his killing Gendry fate point failed?That was pretty lame that qm backed out
>>4773963Because they're not minor. Arbor gold makes them rich when we are massively in debt and they have the largest navy in Westeros. They're also not a threat of taking over the small council because they don't have buckets of bannermen. I don't get why showfags push for marriages with Lannister-tier houses. Do they like sharing power? >>4773987Ratburgered take.
>>4773995Perhaps not, but it might make some more favorable to the return of a targ.Of course, perhaps not everyone will believe our side of the story once word gets out.
>>4774009>Because they're not minorLiterally Tyrell vassals
>>4773990I brought up the Redwyne option in the first thread and another anon or two ran with it. The fact that her brothers, Horas and Hobber, should be at court in the same way that Loras is at court is what gave me the idea. It seemed like an easy ask to have one of them send for her to at least explore it.
>>4774014By that token, the Hightowers are minor. That's a very interesting definition of minor, anon.
>>4774007>Who would have thought the death of the Hand would have led to the War of the Five Kings?Rather bad example. It should be obvious for anyone who personally knew original Joffrey - The Mad King 2.0 in the making.>>4774014There are powerful and minor vassals though.
>>4774023>>4774024And both answer to their liege lord.
>>4774024I don't think it's that bad an example. It shows how things can spiral out of one's control unintentionally.Lysa may hold some value as a card to be played in future political negotiations. Discarding said card in some misguided sense of justice may be foolhardy.Of course, the grill anons might just think it's not worth the effort.
>>4774067Who answers to us. Most of the time, Kings specifically don't marry the daughters of Lord Paramounts unless it is out of genuine wartime desperation like with Margaery Tyrell or out of a need to bring Rebellious Lords Paramount back into the fold like previous Martell and Baratheon marriages. Empowering Lords Paramounts is what gets you debacles like what we see with the Lannisters right now.
>>4774079Be a shame if Baelish set up the Tyrells with the targs
You say nothing as the King’s Justice is brought forth to the Great Hall from whatever hole they found him sleeping in. Ser Ilyn Payne is a grim, thin man, with a beardless, pockmarked face. He has a deep set of pale, colorless eyes and hollow cheeks on his gaunt face. He is almost completely bald, but the few wisps of hair he does have are long and stringy, greasy and unwashed. He wears iron-grey chainmail over boiled leather with a large greatsword worn over his right shoulder.Ser Ilyn bows to King Robert, completely silent due to his tongue having been ripped out of his mouth with hot pincers long ago by the Mad King for once making the comment that it was Lord Tywin Lannister who truly ruled the Seven Kingdoms.While the imposing figure makes his appearance, you can overhear Lysa Arryn pleading desperately with Tyrion beside her to keep her son safe and to tell Sweetrobin he’ll always have his mother’s love.“I promise you, my lady,” the dwarf speaks with a gentle earnestness to his tone, “Despite what you may think of me, I’ve always had a tender spot in my heart for cripples, bastards and broken things. I’ll do what I can to protect him until he comes of age.”“Thank you, my lord,” she croaks out as King Robert stands up from his seat upon the Iron Throne. He looks back over his shoulder at you and gives you a hard stare - the sort that communicates you must watch what’s about to happen, but you better not enjoy it when you do.Then he looks back in the direction of the woman kneeling pitifully before his dais, and speaks with all the coiled vitriol of hate for what he now has to have done. “I, Robert of the House Baratheon, the First of his Name, King of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm, do sentence you to die.”He gives a nod of his head and Ser Ilyn draws forth his greatsword, moonlight which streams through the Great Hall’s high windows glinting off the sharp, oiled blade. The Small Council watches impassively as the executioner brings the greatsword down onto Lysa Arryn’s neck, severing her puffy face from her motherly body with a single stroke, the sound of metal slicing through meat and bone a sickening noise which nearly causes you to flinch.Lysa Arryn is dead.Her head falls into a wicker basket which was placed before her prone form moments prior and the body slumps to the floor, blood gushing from the two stumps. Red water drips from the King’s Justice’s greatsword.King Robert falls back onto the Iron Throne, crumpling. “Ser Vardis Egen,” he hoarsely commands, drawing the Captain of Jon Arryn’s household guard forward.“Your Grace,” the knight calls back simply with a bow.“Take the body of Lady Arryn to Hoster Tully in the Riverlands and the body of Lord Arryn to whoever is currently in charge of the Eyrie. See their bones buried properly.”
The knight bows again and goes about his grisly duty while Ser Ilyn Payne takes his exit, already in the midst of cleaning the blood off the implement of his profession. The stern-faced warrior king then turns his attention to Grand Maester Pycelle. “Send ravens to Winterfell, Riverrun and the Eyrie explaining exactly what was discovered here tonight and why it happened.”“Yes, Your Grace,” Pycelle answers obsequiously.“Tyrion,” Robert calls the Lannister dwarf’s name.He bows. “Your Grace?” “Are you skilled at keeping track of finances or do you bathe in so much gold you no longer waste time counting it?” Tyrion chuckles humorlessly. “If you’re trying to offer me what I think you are, Your Grace, I’ll have to decline the position. I believe it best I take my leave of King’s Landing, lest someone on your Small Council worry that the Imp conjured tonight’s farce out of the Seven Hells and left a young boy an orphan so I could experience the unimaginable glory of counting coppers while suffering the joys of being called freak and grotesque.”>Insist Tyrion become the Master of Coin>Let him take his leave of King’s Landing>Other (write-in)
>>4774095>Other (write-in)Suggest that Lord redwyne becomes the Master of Coin, or is at least offered.If he's good at making arbor gold perhaps the skills will pass over Also it gives us a chance to meet his daughter.And help give us a more direct connect to the reach.
>>4774084Why and how would that happen? The Tyrells would have to be utter fools to even speak to Baelish. He is a pariah now and he isn't as keyed in on the Targs as Varys anyway. That's even skipping over the fact that we have the time, means, and foreknowledge to act against the Targs as we so choose. If this is a serious discussion and not some desire to argue for waifus past all logic, then I would concede that Margaery could potentially be a viable match to Tommen, though there are better candidates there as well. Anyway, I suggested Desmera Redwyne because she is a better option than most and is readily available given her brothers are already here in the city. She would be an effective early check on Renly's ambitions as well since many nobles of the Reach would balk at making war on a Redwyne Queen. That said, I think Arianne Martell is even better as she would directly frustrate Martell-Targaryen ambitions. I'd imagine that will somehow be more controversial among those more concerned with vicariously groping Natalie Dormer's floppy tits than with keeping a throne, but it's also something to consider.
>>4774095>>Insist Tyrion become the Master of Coin>Other (write-in)Insist the he stay, and we take over his position of master of shit.
>>4774095>Let him take his leave of King’s Landingwe're a twelve year old boymaking a statement now would be stupid. we have no place doing anything but watching and listening.we can play politics behind the scenes, not in front of the court
>>4774102>those more concerned with vicariously groping Natalie Dormer's floppy titsfuck off with the showfag bullshitbook Margaery is an excellent match, so long as Joffrey isn't going around torturing innocent people for fun.
>>4774095>Insist Tyrion become the Master of CoinI was going to leave Tyrion be, but Redwyne autists like >>4774101 have made me reconsider.
>>4774095>>4774101+1. Wow, a good write-in. This is the opposite of ratburgered.>>4774107We are the crown prince, retard. Why would we ever stoop to such a role?
>>4774113Spite voting like an insufferable cunt for the second thread in a row. Flip those ratburgers anon.
>>4774112Book Margaery is an excellent waifu. No, seriously. She is extremely likable and there are worse choices by far. She's just not the very best we can do. I won't be upset if she wins out; I just think we should be exploring other options and some of the arguments against doing so are starting to really come off as bad faith either because of fanboying or because of the tripfag from the other thread being controversial. I'd just like to approach this logically.
>>4774102>>4774079you know who kings marry even less often than the daughters of lord paramounts? the daughters of second tier lords.the redwynes are not an important house on a continental level, and marrying one of their daughters would absolutely offend the Tyrells, their traditional overlords, more than marrying the daughter of some other important house.it would be literally stepping over one of the most prestigious houses in Westeros to poach from their backyard.
>>4774115Next time a fate point comes up, I will eradicate the Redwyne line just for you ratboi.
>>4774095>>Insist Tyrion become the Master of Coin>>Let him take his leave of King’s LandingWhichever has a lead over redwyne autism
>>4774125I'll give this as a concession, a Redwyne would be an acceptable match for Tommen, but not Joffrey.
>>4774131This would be agreeable, or perhaps myrcella.
>>4774115>>4774126But which one is the real ratfag?
>>4774114Getting our hands dirty.
>>4774095>>Insist Tyrion become the Master of CoinThere isn't a better candidate, really. Lord Rosby is a distant second, Lord Swyft is a retard, and Lord Redwyne would be a much better Master of Ships, just wait for Stannis to either quit or rebel. >>4774135>marrying Horror or Slobber to our precious imoutoNothing but the best for her, anon.
>>4774125Honestly kings so far seem to really only marry their sisters.And given we are not a freak the whole playing field is pretty much open.While an outside marriage to some Essos family would be more useful for the long run marrying inside the seven kingdoms would really only be needed if we are worried about rebellion.I just really like redheads.
>>4774095>>Insist Tyrion become the Master of Coin
>>4774125Sorry, but this is just off. They are absolutely important on a continental level. Their navy is larger than the Iron Fleet, and they are the sole exporters of a wine so popularized that it is known about even in the far east. Also, Kings specifically marry the daughters of second tier lords at the same level of House Redwyne. House Velaryon, House Blackwood, House Dayne, House Penrose, House Dondarrion, House Hightower. All of these are roughly equivalent or even below House Redwyne. The only one I'd place higher would be House Hightower. House Arryn has been married a King once, House Martell I think 3 times. House Baratheon has married the mothers or siblings of kings. That's it. All the others are incest matches.
>>4774144>House VelaryonThe clue is in the name, they have the blood of old Valyria>House Daynemarried a second son who was never expected to become king>House Blackwoodmarried Egg who was never expected to become king>House PenroseLiterally related to the Targaryens through marriage to a throw away Targaryen daughter>House HightowerMarried a guy who had five other wives including his own niece
>>4774095>Insist Tyrion become the Master of CoinHim or Tywin or take itWe need to exert a greater amount of Lannister control over the King and Small Council - especially with Bobby B likely to still pick Ned as his new Hand.Ned will likely be tasked with finding Littkefinger...we should ensure that our forces find him first.
>>4774153Agreed on the others even if the precedent is still there, but >married Egg who was never expected to become kingWe don't know the order on this one. We only know that they supposedly married for love. >Married a guy who had five other wives including his own nieceAre you thinking of Maegor? There are like 3 Higtower marriages to Targs. The Dance of the Dragons would also like a word.
>>4774140Marriage to sweetrobin or Harry to give us the Vale wouldn't be a bad call.
>>4774156>Are you thinking of Maegor?Maegor set the precedent is what I'm saying, and the point is the majority these 'lesser houses' were directly related to the Targaryen dynasty through marriage to Targaryen daughters or were married to younger sons who weren't expected to sit the Iron Throne.Hightower is maybe the exception but even then they got in on marrying Targaryens early.
>>4774101redwynefags are okay in my book
Oh man, i love it, we've got a new faction.>Gendryfags>Ratburgerfags>Redwynefags
>>4774170>>4774101Also I support this vote**
>>4774101>>4774105>>4774114>>4774163>>4774175Redwyne faggotry>>4774107>>4774113>>4774130>>4774140>>4774142>>4774149>>4774155Tyrion becomes master of coin>>4774110>>4774130Let the little nigga goTyrion > Redwyne, apparently.
>>4774167Okay. So aside from the marriages to make House Martell a part of the Seven Kingdoms, a single marriage to House Arryn, and the recent Lannister marriage, why is there an assumption that Kings must marry the daughters of Lord Paramounts? It doesn't hold up. Again, I'm only suggesting that we consider options rather than trying to assume it must be one of major book characters. I'm open to other suggestions as well.
>>4774177bros before hoes
>>4774178How about one of the Frey girls?
>>4774178Honestly, just look at the royal marriages.Robert married Cersei. The New King (formerly a lord paramount) marrying a daughter of a Lord Paramount.Renly to Margaery. The New King marrying a daughter of a Lord ParamountStannis's marriage to a Florent was done way back when Stannis had zero chance in hell of becoming king.Robb's marriage to a Frey was essentially the Freys holding him hostage for that bridge.Joffrey to Sansa and then Margaery. (King to Paramount)Tommen to Margaery (King to Paramount)Myrcella to Martell Boy (Princess to Paramount)
>>4774178We haven't seen the waifus Trick has presumably come up with. Hopefully good OCs.
>>4774186yes you have ;)
>>4774178>why is there an assumption that Kings must marry the daughters of Lord ParamountsFor one you're comparing Targaryen kings to Baratheon kings. The Barartheons don't enjoy the kind of domination over the Westerosi nobility the way the Targaryens did. The Baratheon line has as a minimum established marriage between Lord Paramounts as standard with Robert wanting to continue that tradition through wedding Joffrey to Sansa, and it makes political sense in binding the major overlords of Westeros to the Usurper bloodline through marriage.Keep in mind Robert already fought one rebellion against his rule from the Greyjoys, and there's a massive conspiracy going on between Dorne and players unknown to put the Targaryens back on the throne. There's also a strong sentiment for independence in the North.The Baratheon overlordship isn't strong outside of Robert's personal charisma and martial prowess. There's a reason shit hit the fan so quickly when he died, and it had little to do with Lannister incest expect as an inciting incident.
>>4774187Aside from Ratfu, I mean.Very tempting though, suddenly Aegon the Unworthy seems sympathetic.
>>4774190Very good points, securing the Reach by way of a Tyrell marriage makes a lot of sense. Nevermind their manpower, think of the food.
>>4774187The redhead rat girl? We're going to need more interaction before we can waifu her.Unless you mean Loras...
>>4774156>We only know that they supposedly married for love.Only allowed because he was so low in the line of succession. First paragraph under "Later Life."https://awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/Aegon_V_Targaryen
>>4774209also under family betrothals, Egg planned to marry his kids to the children of lord paramounts or those near paramount status, but it was the kids themselves who fucked it up by marrying for love instead
>>4773190>>4773222Yeah Bronn even mentions this in the show. I'm not sure about the book. Too dangerous for the average grunt.Did you see how one of the oil barrels of the Wall defenders blew up after a mishap?Magic wildfire could also end up melting the magic ice wall.
>>4774185>>4774190Gotta say, the obvious pattern here is desperate wartime alliances, even the Baratheon-Lannister match, and less an issue of a need to marry the daughter of a Lord Paramount. A good chunk of the argument in favor of Redwyne is that she brings the Reach without giving too much central power to House Tyrell, which is perfectly valid.With that in mind, there are better wartime alliances than the Reach or the North. To me at least, this is just all the more reason to send for Arianne Martell with Asha Greyjoy as a close... eulgh. Goddamn she's cringe. Nevermind. I'd rank it somewhere along the lines of: 1. Arianne Martell, to subvert years of Martell-Targ plotting with one stroke, and to unfuck the animosity from the Cleganeing.2. Desmera Redwyne for the Reach, the Gold, and the navy.3. Wildcard, I guess. Daughter of an Archon of Tyrosh to preemptively burn out Pretenders of the Red and Black varieties. >>4774184They're kind of unpalatable. Virtually no one respects them unless they're looking to war with or against the North, which should be unthinkable under the current circumstances.
>>4774223>Asha GreyjoyYou need to call her Yara or these ESL Fatefags won't understand when they gloss over your posts.
>>4774223Joffrey - Sansa wasn't a war time matchand you're whistling over the point the Baratheon throne 'isn't' secure. All it takes is one good looking Targaryen (or fake Targaryen)for a bunch of houses who feel slighted to rise up and fuck us over.And if you think Dorne will ignore or forgive what happened to Elia based on a royal marriage, buddy you don't understand Dorne.
>>4774233True on Sansa, though it's hard to see what she brought beyond an aging King's nostalgic whims.Perhaps it looks like I'm whistling over it because I agree with you. It's not secure. But what do you think Doran Martell will do if he receives a delegation from King Robert towards marrying Arianne? Stomp his gouty feet and say no? I think there are several possibilities and not one of them seems dull. It's worth an attempt rather than being shot down in the planning phase.
>>4774243>Stomp his gouty feet and say no?he'll say 'I'll think about it' and wait five years before saying 'no'.
>>4774223>A good chunk of the argument in favor of Redwyne is that she brings the ReachThis is a flat out lie
>>4774246Hah, maybe. Will Robert be that patient, though? Doran knows all about the value of keeping up appearances at the very least. I suppose this is a bit dependent on Robert not getting Boared, though.
>>4774233>and you're whistling over the point the Baratheon throne 'isn't' secure. All it takes is one good looking Targaryen (or fake Targaryen)for a bunch of houses who feel slighted to rise up and fuck us over.Sounds like us Danyfags win again.
>>4774247Mace is her uncle and Olenna is her grandmother-aunt. Not to mention all of the other Reachmen who would gleefully take it as an opportunity for advancement without the need to go directly through a Tyrell. The Florents in particular should find that pleasing given their Tyrell animosity.
>>4774243>hough it's hard to see what she brought beyond an aging King's nostalgic whims.Considering they just had to deal with a Greyjoy uprising, which could reignite at any point, and the North itself is pretty lukewarm on the existence of a united 'Seven Kingdoms' to begin with, it makes sense for securing the largest frontier in the realm and curtailing Northern independence.Also the Starks are so far outside the power games of the rest of the kingdom, Sansa is the safest bet for a wife not having some ulterior motive which could fuck over Joffrey.I'm not even advocating for Sansa, I still think Margaery (book Margaery) makes the most sense, but Sansa has strengths a lot of people are overlooking.Having Stark honor behind our name could also help dull the Lannister edge.
Joffers - margyTom - SalsaMyrcella - sweetrobinThe real question is who should we set Tyrone up with? Perhaps the Redwyne girl, he loves wine after all.
>>4774255Olenna seems determined to wed the Tyrells directly to the throne. I don't think she'd support a Redwyne match.
>>4774259Giving Myrcella a literal autist is fucked. I feel she will despise us for doing that to her.
>>4774258Good points on Sansa. I'd still agree to disagree on Margaery's political worth even if I think she has an excellent temperament for a queen.>>4774259Tyrion was turned down even for the daughter of a random pregnant Florent cousin who Robert fucked in Stannis's wedding bed.
>>4774265Stairs are often difficult and challenging opponents.
>>4774255Thats not how this works anon, thats not how any of that works
>>4774265Why not? She is a Redwyne by birth and her daughter is Desmera's mother.
>>4774271I'd rather not try to fuck with Olenna when we could have her as an ally instead. We don't need to move on every skilled chessmaster in Westeros, and of them all Olenna is the only one we could turn into a Joffrey loyalist.
>>4774267Well, its really giving Myrcella the Vale, but granted sweetrobin is a spaz, better than sending her to dorne to die
>>4774259>>4774280If its about giving her the Vale marry her to Harry the Heir
>>4774270Yes Tyrion was turned down, but would he have such bad luck with marriage if he was the favorite uncle of the crown prince/king? I think not.
>>4774282although instead of marrying Tommen to Sansa we could marry Myrcella to Bran or Rickon.That frees up Tommen as a marriage candidate.
>>4774279We can win Olenna over by not being a psychopathic spaz, and appearing decently competent and good to her family. A tall order, but I think we can manage.
>>4774280Sweetrobin is unlikely to survive being told about his mother. Hardyng is going to be the more likely candidate.
>>4774282Giving Myrcella a weak man to work through to control the Vale is for the best anon.
>>4774288Olenna wants a royal match though. Currently they're trying to angle for her to marry Robert of all people. She won't be satisfied with a cadet branch getting the Iron Throne.
>>4774282Ah, but Harry doesn't have the Vale as yet, and dear uncle Tyrone has just promised to take care of sweetrobin, now if the poor little guy were to croak of natural causes that would be fair to marry her to Harry.
>>4774289Well, let us see how it plays out. But honestly, I don't want anything to do with seeing that poor little retard meeting a bad end ahead of schedule. He's got it bad enough as is.
>>4774293Yes, I am in favor of margy for joffers, I'm saying we needn't be worried about her killing us as long as we aren't real joffers.
You know, I bet Walder would entertain the idea of wedding one of his daughters to Tryion
>>4774283Yes. He is a repulsive little midge. You would need to pay someone an enormous sum for them to let that monster fuck one of their daughters and it's not gonna be someone who is already rich.
>>4774303Fat Walda x Tyrion OTP
>>4774308Yigritte. Wildlings are always fair game.
>>4774223>Daughter of an Archon of Tyroshbased
>>4774308Look I'm just saying, if he's the favorite uncle of the king to be it would be a good way for someone to curry favor.
>thot margy fagsif you want everyone else's sloppy seconds then it's a good choice
With all this change in storylines I would still like to find Bronn desu
>>4774325>believing those slanderous lies that were extracted by tortureok anon
>>4774325Is she sloppy seconds currently? If not, could we make her?
>>4774320Someone. Sure. Not our freckled goddess.
>>4774325either a showfag or an idiot who believed cersei's bullshit
>>4774334Book Sansa is a stupid sheltered little girl at this point, and hopefully we can change things enough to keep her that way. Maybe she can go on to marry Lorris. Margery is probably the best marriageable option for us, but at this point our options are so open that it's stupid to bother talking about.
Marry Myrcella to Sweetrobin so that he can't satisfy her and she has to come to us at night :^) keep them both in the capital for easy access. KEEP THE BLOODLINE PURE
>>4774436>cuckceptionKek>>4774422Blessed tridub trips lad!Why not bang both? I'm sure Loras wouldn't mind us banging his waifu.
>>4774436Using 130% of your brain right there.
>>4774447>I'm sure Loras wouldn't mind us banging his waifu.He'd thank us so long as he could still pitch for Renly.
>>4774482Hey, if all else fails, we have Gendry to tie him over.
>>4774489this kills the gendryfag
>>4774095Welp now it looks like I am reading two quests now while running one. > Insist Tyrion become the master of coinQuick Question though- who will be the master of shit then?
>>4774498Isn't it obvious?Ratfu.
>>4774436Big brain plays
>>4774219Never watched all the episodes past season 2 or around when Stannis had a magic murder baby wit the witch girl that came out her vaja.>>4774095>>4774177>Let him take his leave of King’s LandingThe little guy knows what he's doing, he'll become master of coin soon enough or he's planning to gain another position. Either way he knows what he wants and probably has a plan he hasn't quite shared with us just yet due to unfolding events right before us and we can't exactly talk to one another. It will take a few days before a new master of coin is selected, and we should make sure access to the MOC rooms and stuff is restricted.
>>4774507I wouldn't have minded letting him leave, the the Redwyne autism came up. Master of Ships I could understand. Master of Coins? We don't even know the man, and liquidor does not make a good financier. Redwynefags have overreached here.
>>4774502>Ratfu>Reporting directly and exclusively to us for very intensive debriefingAlways down to de-brief a busty redhead, ba-dum-tss.
>>4774522How does Redwyne stuff matter than much right now? Its gonna be days in which we can influence who becomes master of coin and we are waay to vocal right now, and I doubt Robby will just pull a obscure character like Redwyne out of the hat and make him coin master when hes not gonna trust anyone in the seven kingdoms but Ned and maybe us. Idk if he even really trusts his brothers.
I think we should consider a write in where we suggest that if the Former Master of Coin has done this, than Gods know what else he has done during his time as master of coin. Maybe make that as a off handed comment to Robert after the scene ends.
>>4774522I mean, it's not like them having good vinyards makes them financial geniuses, redwyne is pure autism.>>4774533This is about preventing the spilling of spaghetti.
>>4774535Yeah, getting Tyrion to look into where Baelish is getting his money from would be good. Characters remarked that it was as if he could make coin appear from thin air and it was revealed that he was embezzling from the Crown to finance his debt scheme in the Vale.
>>4774533Then people shouldn't have voted for such autism lad.>>4774535Will support.>>4774539I'm glad you agree anon.
>>4774544This is just a literal homesexual still picking at a hemorrhoid from his dopey bastard waifu getting Toed last thread. I stand with House Redwyne. For the grapes.
>>4774547Whatever you say Gendryfag.
>>4774523Her desire to fuck Joff will go straight out the window when she realizes he was serious about the ratburgers.I'm sorry to kill your dreams when they are still in the womb. But sometimes a coat hanger is the merciful thing.
>>4774551It's learning.>>4774552At which point we say, totally in character I might add, "I'm the king." Or prince. Either way.
>>4774557A fag of two factions? My, aren't you a special boy.
>>4774559>the homesexual cries out in pain as it desperately tries to figure out what to spite vote againstBad day to be a seething, ratburgered double-australian.
>>4774557Cool. So then she can still want to not fuck Joff but she will be very well informed on his current legal status.
>>4774562Then I pity you. I do hope you have a better day ratboi.>>4774564Don't feed the autist, it'll stink up the quest.
>>4774552>Her desire to fuck Joff will go straight out the window when she realizes he was serious about the ratburgers.I never understood the ratburger retards who thought that the vermin of King's Landing was some untapped goldmine of a foodsource. The pot shops in the slums have cauldrons of perpetual stew with dogs, cats, rats, birds, and even fucking people in it. The idea to eat rodents isn't any new idea, if we pitched it to the peasantry they'd probably tell us they've been doing it since Maegor the Cruel was king.
>>4774564There are stinky mumble rappers with King Aerys fingernails DROWNING in pussy at this very moment because they flashed a handful of 20's on set. If you think for one moment that this Fleabottom jewel isn't down to ride us all the way to a shattered pelvis and a sack of paternity gold no matter what silly shit we say, then you don't fully appreciate the mitigating circumstances.
>>4774571>assuming she's just a common hoCharming. Wait, even better>being 100% okay with banging a rank stank ass skank ho slut bitch yea yea If your standards are so low then I guess it can't be helped.
>>4774592got to live up to our 'dad' Bobby B
So is QM completely opposed to any technological innovation? Another anon posted pic related before and it seems like it would be pretty cool to implement. I’m just a massive fan of Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court type stories.
>>4774594I don't know guy. That's a lot of time spent eating we could be doing other stuff. Like inventing potato powered gameboys.
>>4774592>assuming she's just a common hoShe absolutely is.>being 100% okay with banging a rank stank ass skank ho slut bitch yea yea If your standards are so low then I guess it can't be helpedGlad we got that out of the way. She can bathe first if she wants, but I'd imagine that will be a novel concept, so I suggest we leave it up to her. I don't much care either way.
>>4774602I will hereby terminate this communication. For I have no desire to gain the aerosolized herpes you are exhaling.
>>4774605Found the virgin
>>4774599Requires atleast a baseline of knowledge and infrastructure. Face it lad, you ain't getting it unless you put an modern American town in the middle of the War of the Five Kings.
>players bickering over which girl to marry.>not planning to live by "daddy's" example and go for them all.Normally I have a distaste for harem routes but I'm surprised noone's pitched 'making the 8' yet.
>>4774646We should do him one better and see if we can be the first man to make the ten. North, Riverlands, Vale, Westerlands, Reach, Crownlands, Stormlands, Dorne, Iron Isles, and Beyond the Wall. Bobby would be so proud of us.
>>4774646>implying that wasn't the plan all alongAfter we defeat the Others, nobody's going to bitch at us as we monopolize them all.
>>4774646Getting the girl isn't the aim. The aim is to shit on the other anons and their plans.
>>4774646>making the 8fuck off showfagBut also yeah, Joffrey should plunder so much pussy he makes Robert Baratheon look like a priest. There's a bunch of canon milfs right now too, like Cersei and Catelyn.>>4774651For wildlings we need to get that Val pussyForget Ygritte
>>4774547>This is just a literal homesexual still picking at a hemorrhoid from his dopey bastard waifu getting Toed last threadIt is amazing what some of your perspectives are
>>4774657>For wildlings we need to get that Val pussyMy thoughts exactly, anon. Great minds think alike.
>>4774666I concur, it truely is the explosive diarrhea of the mind.
>>4774657>>4774668>not wanting to cuck JonUnderstandable if we want to be bros. Otherwise fuck it.
>>4774095>>Insist Tyrion get the roleWe offered the role to Tyrion, we should at least make sure he isn’t waiting for us to back him.
>>4774681book Ygritte isn't all that looks wise
>>4774686We going from book looks or show looks? I know we're following the show's storyline, but that may not extend to appearances.
>>4774681Being bros with the guy who has the best claim to the kingdom you're going to rule is probably a good idea, just in case. If we're friends, Stark honor will prevent him from violently pressing his claim. >>4774686 has a point too, she's unconventionally attractive, though I'm biased in favor of Val.
>>4774689>I know we're following the show's storylinefrom what I know this is strictly book lore, there's no show-shit in this quest
>>4774694I meant book, my bad.
>>4774691If you're going to fuck someone from beyond the wall it's gotta be Tormund. Get yourself a man with sexy santa energy. If you're gonna be a fag you might as well be a fag for a real man. Not sucking off some girly boys like Renly and Loras. Fuckin homos.
hotter in the books: Catelyn, Cersei, Sansa, Maergary, Asha, Melisendre, DaenerysI'd say Arya but its weird calling a girl that young 'hot', but the books imply she'll grow up to be a babe and Maisie Williams looks more like book Tyrion than Peter Dinklage.hotter in the show: Ygritte, Osha, Brienne, Missandei (on account of being a little girl and not Natalie 'fine as fuck' Emmanuel)
>>4774657>fuck off showfagWas lacking proper words for at the time but you got my point how about this:I'm just surprised noone's made a bigger push to act like Robert's son and go for all of the above; sleep with at least one highborn from every realm, beyond the wall, each of the free cities, Summer Isles, Qarth, conquer the Hyrkoon with our dick, and fund an expedition to Yi Ti to claim at least one of their princesses, among others all so we can 'make daddy proud' with our insatiable desire to be known as this world's "Coomer Alexander the Great".>ValBased.
>>4774698Must we be a faggot though? If Tormund's cock is half as big as he says, we'll never sit comfortably again.>>4774700Arya is said to look like Lyanna, who was widely regarded as a fox. Bit of an ugly duckling story there, I guess, she'll grow into herself.>>4774702>each of the free citiesFully supporting our aquisition of some scary goth Qohorik priestess, among others.
>>4774705>Must we be a faggot though?That ship sailed so long ago it has circumnavigated the globe - twice.
>>4774702Sure, I'll support it. You only live once after all.>>4774707>it's a small world after all
>>4774709We're gonna get some sort of medieval STD, I can see it now.
>>4774702That's how you die of super aids
>>4774713>>4774762Lets be real, Bobby B would have died long ago from both medieval STD and super aids if they were a thing.
>>4774769Bold of you to assume his ABSOLUTELY CHAD GENES aren't keeping him hale and hearty despite the myriad illnesses he carries. His immune system is as brawny as he.
>>4774762>super aidsWe'd probably catch something eventually but should be able to avoid that so long as we stay away from Sothoryos, pretty sure most anons would draw the line at Brindled women anyway.
>>4774790>too much of a pussy to fuck the retard cavewomenCoward.
>>4774790I'm not much of a coomer but I have to agree with >>4774810If you're gonna go full fuckfiend you may as well go FULL fuckfiend.
>>4774810If we wanted retarded cavewomen we could find plenty beyond the wall, but if players really want to try and see if they can go catch actual flaming crotchrot fucking Koko the gorilla and spread it to whatever passes for an Other princess be my guest.
Does the red god allow for harems? Could we somehow adopt it so we can legally have a harem?
if we're going to the North we can maybe organize a cultural exchange with the large northern houses to show 'goodwill'. bring a few heirs back south to be shown King's Landing. Guys like Smalljohn Umber and Dacey Mormont.
>>4774971Not a bad idea, I think we should try inviting some lads from the crownlands to court especially, the other kingdoms wouldn't be bad either I guess. A lad needs his companions
>>4774971Some of the bigger houses have kids our age, or close enough to it. And they're unnamed, so Trick/Elsewyr can make them whatever he wants.>>4775084The Crownlands houses are a bit underdeveloped, that's more room for OCs. Edric Dayne is a kid around our age though, he should show up by the Tourney of the Hand since he's Beric Dondarrion's squire.
Back on TopicTyrion would be by far the best Master of Coin available to us at this point, but the Imp is right, it would be way too suspicious to the whole realm, much less the fellow councilors, if he showed up with the evidence that allowed him to replace the old MoC.Redwyne is a reasonably good option, but isn't on anyone's mind right now. Let's put the bug in BobbyB's ear in a day or two.I think our best movie would be to ask Tyrion to stay on as Master of Shit, because the job's not done yet. Also -the quiet part we don't say but he'll understand- the Ratcatchers aren't an effective force yet.
>>4775084>>4774971Well we're going to have the Starks to bond with soon. Robb is only a little older than us and has the same sense of loyalty as his father so he should be a good lad to get on side. Arya would be easy to befriend if we act kindly towards her wolf and let her play at sparring with us. Sansa is a simp for romance stories and chivalrous princes but we'd want to avoid any hint that we were taking advantage of her.Which families have children around our age?Who do we need to neutralise as potential rebels if rumours of our parentage come out?>ReachMarrying Marg locks down the loyalty of the wealthy Reach and bring's Olenna's mind to our cause.>Crownlands + WesterlandsThe Crownlands didn't rebel in the OTL and shouldn't rebel now unless we truly fuck up. Westerlands are obviously safe.>The North, Riverlands and DragonstoneStannis and Ned would both need strong evidence of our bastardy to rebel. I feel our actions so far have increased the burden of proof they'd both feel they need and made that evidence harder to obtain. Behaving in an appropriate manner around them and their families should further increase the degree of evidence they'd need to betray us.Furthermore, if we keep a few Stark kids around us and don't pull any stupid beheading bullshit then the North and Riverlands can't rebel.Stannis on the other hand doesn't have enough banners of his own to threaten us without Renly's Reacharound.>The ValeDepends on what happens to Robert. The obvious path is to foster him at Casterly Rock but that leaves a power vacuum Harry might use to assert his claim (perhaps in the guise of rescuing Robert from our mother-murdering clutches). The Vale is an area we need to finesse. >The Iron IslandsFuck those irrelevant boatniggers>DorneFuck those bitter sandniggers. Honestly, I think they're close to a lost cause - if we send Myrcella to them she gets killed and I doubt they'd risk sending another daughter to King's Landing even if we offered Tommen's hand.>StormlandsRenly is a fag
>>4775162>ReachShy of marriage, Paxter would be a good Master of Ships if Mannis quits. And Loras would be a good Knight of the Kingsguard. But we run the risk of letting them get too close without ensuring their loyalty.>The Vale is an area we need to finesse.House Royce is pretty much the Vale's backup lordly house, making friends with them would be good. Yohn has a son that joined Renly's Rainbow Guard in the books, we could name him to the Kingsguard when we knock off one of the more useless/trecherous members. That's a start, at least. Yohn himself would make for a good Master of Laws too, should the position open up.>Iron IslandsHonestly.>Fuck those bitter sandniggers.If Gregor goes rogue like he does in the books, killing him and sending Doran his skull would be a good move. Not gonna stop them from supporting FAegon, but still.>StormlandsEven if Renly tries to assert his claim, the Stormlands will be torn in half, some loyal to Big Bobby Baratheon, others supporting their Liege Lord. They'll be easy to put down if that happens.
Preventing Bran from being crippled which prevents Caitlyn from kidnapping Tyrion which should be next priority. We only have to keep Jamie’s dick in his pants to ace Winterfell.
>>4775205Just send him along to the Vale as Robin's Lord Protector. He is going to be named Warden of the East anyway.
>>4775193>GregorIf we ever need to take down the Mountain, we're using a company of crossbowmen with poisoned bolts. And come to that, I'd rather have him just plain poisoned. Fuck engaging with that psycho freak of nature.
>>4775219nah man fucking load a ballista on a chariot or a wagon i don't trust anything that can't gib the mountian
>>4775174>Lord of one of the richest regions of Westeros and thus experienced in handling large sums of money>Experienced in trade due to huge shipping importance >Let's us get close to one of the reach's notable lordsYeah there is pure autism somewhere here.
>>4775162based. Iron islands should fuck off far away. Make them corsairs and tell them to bother summer islands or smt. They will like it
>>4775205Bran is four years younger than us -same age as Tommen- while we're three years younger than Rob and Jon. We'll probably be spending our time in Winterfell becoming friends with Rob and Jon by way of getting beaten upon with practice swords. But we can probably keep Bran from being crippled by setting him up as Tommen's tour guide. Bran's sense of adventure would be good to rub off on Tommen, and if we can actually make Bran feel responsible for him, Tommen's hesitancy should keep Bran off the rooftops for a while. The other thing we can do to keep Bran safe is sneak Mommy off into a dark room. Or at least suggest she make sure she closes the curtains when she hooks up with UncleDaddy.
>>4775247The only way to protect Bran is to fuck Cersei ourselves, in a safer location. I suggest one of the windowless rooms of the Old Keep.
>>4775247I really like the idea of setting up bran to befriend tommen.. inb4 the one that falls from a tower is tommen. DON'T DO IT TRICK
We should push Cersei off the ledge.
>>4775274The danger is Tommen tells Bran how we abused the shit out of him, and he tells his brothers and parents.
>>4775281We gotta go back to abusing him then!! To ensure he doesn't talk. Even better, WE, push tommen off a tower
>>4775310Yeah nigga and your point. Vassals have minds of their own and can do a great deal without their lords permission
>>4775345My point is you Redwynefags are autists
>>4775351Then we are in good company. House Redwyne is the future.
>>4775356Ratburgers are the future.
>>4775356>>4775361Why cant we eat ratburgers while fucking Redwyne?
“Nuncle please reconsider!” you shout, attracting everyone in the room’s attention. “Not only did you uncover a plot against our family and oust a murderous traitor lurking at court, but you’ve also made such great strides in your short time here at fixing the capital’s poor sanitation. You can’t leave us while the job is not yet finished.”Tyrion gives you a knowing look. “Your Grace, combatting the stench which plagues King’s Landing is much like joining the Night’s Watch to defend the wall. It’s an impossible task for one man to try to complete.”“Please, Lord Tyrion,” you keep attempting to butter him up, making your case while Renly rolls his eyes. “I’ve enjoyed your company greatly and the sharpness of your mind. If Lord Baelish truly harbored ill will for the Seven Kingdoms and the Lannisters from which he has borrowed so many gold dragons, we need someone with a mind for books to check his ledgers and dealings to ensure his self-serving, murderous treason hasn’t also made itself manifest in his work as Master of Coin. Managing the expenditures of the Royal Treasury is a vital task in preserving the realm - I know you are the best man for it. This night has been hard on us all and we’re all tired but you cannot shirk your duty because of it.”Tyrion smiles humorlessly at your obvious manipulation. “Very well, Your Grace.” He bows. “I will check to ensure this business of framing House Lannister for Littlefinger’s own wrongdoings does not include subtle financial trickery. We wouldn’t want your grandfather to feel he’s been robbed now, would we?”You beam. “No we wouldn’t.”“Then it’s settled,” King Robert loudly declares without even a shred of good nature to his tone as he doles out the appointment. “Tyrion Lannister, I name you Master of Coin.” He raises his head slightly to address the remaining members of the City Watch still standing in his throne room. “Tell your Commander to take Lord Baelish alive if and when you find him. I’m departing the city tomorrow and I want to watch that turncloak die with my own eyes after he’s been strongly encouraged to tell me the truth of everything he’s done. Throw him in a black cell for him to rot in while I’m gone.”More goldcloaks leave the Great Hall to communicate this new information to their superiors.The corpulent stag then looks to his Kingsguard. “Ser Arys, Ser Mandon - provide a royal escort for the young Lord Robert Arryn to Casterly Rock. Ser Boros, Ser Meryn - you’ll accompany me on the journey North to Winterfell. Lord Commander - keep my brothers safe while they rule the realm in my name.”Stannis steps forward at this point. “Are you certain that’s wise, Your Grace? You just had the sister of Lord Stark’s wife decapitated and now you wish to go enjoy his hospitality?”“That’s precisely why I need to go to him,” the King snaps at his younger brother.
The bald Baratheon bows in acquiescence. “Very well, Your Grace. But considering this recent turmoil, mayhaps it would be prudent to name a new Hand of the King immediately as you did with the Master of Coin this hour of the wolf, lest the situation deteriorate any further in your absence so far from your seat of power without a strong Hand to govern the people of Westeros.” The King takes a deep breath, ruminating on his councilor’s words. “You’re the Master of Ships, are you not brother?” The stern stag nods. “Yes, Your Grace.”“Well I’m going North by way of the Kingsroad,” Robert spits. “I’ll ask for your advice next time I travel by ship.” He gets up and steps down from the dais, beginning to exit the throne room. “You’re all dismissed.”Stannis is left standing there, noisily grinding his teeth as he sulks furiously.You're tired as shit and about to go to bed, then tomorrow, it's off to Winterfell by way of the Kingsroad. >What would you like to do next? (write-in)
>>4775475>Go the fuck to bedAlso Stan the man just got fucked up by dear Pops, it sucks he'd make a good hand of the king
>>4775475>>What would you like to do next?Take a shit then go to bed
>>4775475Talk to Ratfu. Then pass out.
>>4775475Sleep nao, you is tired.
a give me rat burger or give me death
>>4775479Stan and Ned are literally the same personalities, never understood why Bobby favored Eddard. Is it because Stannis is bald?
>>4775479Will stannis even become a fire worshiper if all this doesn't play out? will we become the mannis?
>>4775511He still will, the fire slut will seek him out and somehow autistically trick him into believing the delusional shounen fire sword prophecy.
You go to sleep and will wake up the next day to travel with Robert, Sandor, two of the Kingsguard and eventually meet up with Jaime, Cersei, Tommen and Myrcella.With that in mind,>what would you like to do next? (write-in)
>>4775532>Talk with Bobby, ask about the Starks and about Eddard on the way to Jamie & Cersei>Learn swordsmanship from Jamie when we meet with our family again, talk with Jamie.Best I could come up with, the real shit will happen in Winterfell where we could see how Cat is reacting to Baelish's treachery and the Lysa letter if she got it.
>>4775532>what would you like to do next? (write-in)Speak to Tommen and CerseiTell Tommen than you hear bran is the same age as him and to be good company and make sure both of you stay off the roofs and walls.Backhand Cersei and tell her to stop being a hoe. But for real we should speak to her and tell her to behave and not screw this up just until we leave winter fell. Promise her it will be worth it.
>>4775532Say bye to Tyrion, and sorry that we forced him in such a position.
>>4775532>Excercise with the Hound on the way>Talk with Bobby about starks and Edd
>>4775546We're going to meet them on the road anon. What we're voting on now is what to do before we leave King's Landing.
>>4775532>Speak with Sers Horas and Hobber Redwyne about the possibility of meeting their sister
>>4775540Yeah just all this and dis>>4775546
>>4775532>>what would you like to do next? (write-in)1. Say goodbye to Tyrion and thank him for his hard work.2. Catch up with Mother and get a present.3. Headpats and hugs for our siblings. Gotta make up for a fuck-ton of abuse. 4. Swordplay with Uncle Snark for the trip.
>>4775540>talk about nothing we don't know>>4775546>instant transmition a thousand miles to the west>>4775547>more talking without purposeHoly shit. Kill me.
>>4775571You mean uncle/sperm donor prince guy from Shrek 2.
>>4775574kys faggot or come up with a better write-in before you hilariously an hero over a dumb basket weaving thread
>>4775571>do all the faggy useless things at once.>>4775563>do something mildly productive>>4775532Okay OP. Supporting this >>4775563since no one else has suggested any actual things to do.
>>4775582sasuga redwyne simp
Holy shit, I just realised, Tyrion isn't coming to Winterfell. We need to make sure anything he does we make up for. He gave Jon Snow some good advice at the wall, and didn't he interrupt Jon getting his throat slit for pounding on the new recruits?
>>4775581>REEEE HE DIDNT APPRECIATE MY EMPTY WRITE IN
>>4775471I'm torn between getting Robin, Tommin and Bran all together as fosterlings on the one hand, or having the useless little shit murdered so someone more useful can hold the Vale for us.
>>4775587I think he sat on a vibrator earlier only to find the batteries were dead and now it's stuck and he's in a sour mood cause of it.
>>4775592>we need to make sure a rival claimant survives
Redwyne chads rise up or you're getting a meaningless fluff update with another watdo.
>>4775587His Gendry fate point failed and he's back for vengence, shhh don't blow his cover. >>4775594Dude I don't care, you were the one who psychotically wanted someone to kill you? >>4775592We'll be fine, we could take Tyrion's place for talking up Jon Snow if you care about him?
>>4775598Jon saved Mormont from the dead. We kinda want somebody who isn't a massive faggot with a hard-on for slaughtering wildlings in charge of the Wall when twenty billion dead things come to fuck the Seven Kingdoms.No Jon, no Fatty, Fatty Boomballatty to find out useful shit at the Citadel.
>>4775551support this vote.
>>4775551>>4775571These. See what Bobby B has to say about the Starks, practice swordplay. We have to get good enough for Rob and Jon to respect us. Also, I'm not sure Jon will be going to the Wall this time around. It was the fallout from the Stark family going in different directions that had him take the Black in the OTL, but if we make friends, it might not be too hard to get him to come with Ned to King's Landing, and he can join The Team of Seven.
>>4775616We could talk him up anon, didn't he want to take the black anyway since Cat was being a bitch to him?
You kniggas never want to do anything besides invent tech for some gay reason and feed everyone rats. This might as well be on /lit/
>>4775616I'm convinced to this day that Samwell is the fatmans self insert. He also cucks himself with Gilly and craster's son.
>>4775629All the fat dudes in the show are Martin's self inserts. Just different stages of his life. His swingin' days in the 60's and 70's are absolutely Bobbert.
>>4775475>“I’ll ask for your advice next time I travel by ship.”SAVAGE
>>4775669When in his life was he ever like Strong Belwas?
>>4775699During his race-bending fetish phase.
>>4775699I mean it's a self insert not an accurate portrayal.
>>4775710Are you sure? The Belly and face on Strong Belwas is waaay too accurate to be a caricature.
We should talk to Lord Stark about forming a "Grey Watch" along the wall comprised of 1-3 year agreements to serve to bolster their manpower.It could even encourage some of the noble houses of the north to send their sons and some retainers up there to cut their teeth.Plus it could help provide the wall with an influx of more skilled personnel to make up for the fact that it is pretty much only exiles and criminals. That way Jon does not have to take the black but rather the grey, giving us a better chance to kill him for the purpose of blood magic.
>>4775784Getting the Warden of the North to interfere with the Nights Watch is bonkers. A better idea is to sell him his own idea of creating lordships in the lands south of the gift to pay their taxes to the Watch.
>>4775790The Warden of the North is really the only person who gives a shit about the knights watch, plus the point of the gift is to pay taxes to the NW, and we see just how well that has worked out.
So, I've been looking at a map of Westeros and it occurs to me... we just beheaded the daughter of the Lord Paramount, through whose lands we will be traveling... tomorrow. BobbyB is smart enough to know he needs to go in person to talk to Ned and Cat. But what is likely to happen when our Royal Wheelhouse rolls through the Riverlands and Hoster Tully shows up with a welcome party at the Trident?
>>4775532Jerk off like 20-30 times a day, just rub that sucker raw.
>>4775794Holster Tully is bedridden, his son isn’t respected. Only the Blackfish is a threat. The Riverlands are also pretty much indefensible. They can’t instigate wars without allies.
Serious autism warning:>>>WaifusThis one I'll break up because it's pretty extensive. >>Best choices:>SansaRobert would like this one the most and it ties both the North to the other kingdoms and the Starks to the crown, she's a good girl and deceptively smart, as well as faithful. Also hot. There aren't really downsides besides her powerbase being very far away and any sort of resentment instilled by her mother. >MargearyShe's hot, she's smart, and she knows court politics. Also her family is super rich. But she would also run our court and her family is incredibly reaching, not to mention marrying into the Tyrells would drive even more of a wedge between King's Landing and Dragonstone. Renly also has his eyes on her (metaphorically). >ShireenShe doesn't have the looks of Margeary or Sansa, but she is younger than either. She's also kind, and smart for her age. But the real point here is to get Baratheon blood back into the royal line, and keep Stannis from any funny business. >>Okay choices: >ReachmenDesmera Redwyne, a Hightower granddaughter, one of Randyll Tarly's daughters, one of Mathis Rowan's daughters. All these are viable and strong Reachman vassals that would give us even more leverage against Mace. All of these also have benefits otherwise, the Redwynes are rich and have a large fleet; the Hightowers are even richer and have some control over the Citadel as well as the faith; Randyll Tarly is among the five best living commanders, and fostering Dickon at court would be worth while; and the Rowans not only have ties to the Hightowers but are gaining power in the Reach. I wouldn't go with a Florent and as far as we know the other houses don't have good matches. >RivermenLiane or Rhialta Vance, Alysanne Bracken, Jason Mallister's daughter. Liane Vance stands directly in line to inherit Wayfarer's Rest and her father is one of Edmure Tully's companions, if her father is unwilling as she's his heir, her younger sister is just as well, the Vances are a prominent Riverman house well positioned between Riverrun and Harrenhal; the Brackens is mostly bias I hate the Blackwoods but right now the Brackens are stronger, and they provide a counterweight to any Northman-Riverlander conspiracy; Jason Mallister may or may not have a daughter, but if he does she's probably the best bet, it strengthens Seagard and IMO the Mallisters are the strongest vassal of the Tullys (now that the Whents are on the way out). (1/4?)
>ValemenBronze Yohn's grand/daughters, Gerold Grafton's (possible) daughters, Waynwood grand/daughters. We don't have as much info on the Vale as I would like, but these are all strong matches. Ysilla Royce is Marge's age, and stronger ties with the Royces is never a bad thing, especially with her father's dickhead cousin in Littlefinger's pocket, same thing with granddaughters, especially if any of them are Andar's kids; the Graftons have far and away the largest fleet in the Vale, and are one of the richer houses, if not prestigious, they would also give us some sway over the Gulltown Arryns; Anya Waynwood is one of the best politickers in the Vale, she would be a very good connection to have, she's also the one who has control of Harry the Heir, and marrying one of his cousins would give us a connection to him. >Gwyneth YronwoodAn outside shot, but the only one in Dorne that's worthwhile. Her older brother is all that stands in the way of her inheriting Yronwood, but more importantly the Yronwoods are the counterweight we need to counter Doran/Oberyn Martell. She's also dark-haired so you know that always helps. >>Worse but viable choices:>WestermenJeyne Westerling, Addam Marbrand's daughter, Alysanne Lefford, or a Lydden granddaughter. All solid choices but none of them give us any real political capital. >Other NorthmenUmbers, Mormonts, Karstarks, or Manderlys. Besides the Manderlys none of them are worth it, and with Starks on the table there's no reason to marry into the Manderlys. Also Arya but why pick her over Sansa unless we want to piss Robert off. >StormlandersSame message as the Westermen, but we know even less about the daughters of the Stormlords. >ArianneThis is just asking to be cucked and stabbed in the back, but she would be politically astute and keep Dorne in line. Not to mention sexy, if you're into that. >>Bad, do not do>DaenerysShe's going to marry a horselord, she's got crazy blood, and there's an anathema on her family. Whatever legitimacy we would gain is not worth everything we would lose. >Asha Greyjoy (or any Ironborn)This would spite everybody in mainland Westeros, and wouldn't dissuade Balon or any of his brothers from another rebellion.
>>>Other Betrothals>>Tommen:>AryaBest if we don't marry Sansa. Ties us to the North and Ned as Robert would like to do, and gets our brother out of our hair eventually. Knowing how well having Robert's brothers around at court goes. >Eleyna WesterlingOr any of Tywin's bannermen's daughters; even one of the distant Lannister cousins. It's really just throwing a bone to Tywin, but it's also kind of showing gratitude to Cersei in a way. And it's always possible Tommen ends up as Lord of Casterly Rock anyway. >ShireenKeeps Dragonstone in Baratheon hands, and ties Stannis to us. Pretty much the same as Joffrey marrying her, but with less legitimacy for the throne. And we don't get Dragonstone back for the Crown Prince. >Ermesande HayfordJust to steal Hayford out from under her, a literal infant. >>Myrcella:>Robb or BranReally a last resort if neither Joffrey or Tommen marries into the Starks. Ties to the North, but this one also gives us a member of the extended royal family on the throne of the North. At least with Robb. >Edric DayneLord of House Dayne, fostered in the Stormlands. Another one of Doran's primary vassals, and one who can be groomed into opposing the Dornish order. He's also pretty cool. >Harold HardyngHeir to the Vale, handsome tourney knight and would make a strong ally. Downside is if Joff predeceases him, he will 100% pull a Robert's rebellion for his kids' sake. >Robert ArrynLord of the Vale but he sucks, probably not long for this world. >Loras TyrellMyrcella is too young for his older brother, this is a really good option if we don't marry Margeary. He's not too interested in women for all you incestfags. >Cletus YronwoodHeir to Yronwood, see Gwyneth for why this is a good idea. >Lewys PiperNot the heir to Acorn's Ridge, but his brother is a little too old. Another connection to Edmure and a primary vassal of the Tullys, though not as strong as the Mallisters nor as well-positioned as the Vances. >Addam Marbrand's heirOlive branch to Tywin, and the Marbrands are one of his strongest vassals. This could also apply to a Lannister cousin. >Quentyn or Tristane MartellIf you want to subvert Doran but getting Quentyn on our side would be tough. Tristane would be doable but Doran is never sending him north of the Water Gardens again.
>>>Warden of the EastThis one isn't even contentious, or up for debate yet, but if we have any influence it I think there are four options. That aren't Jaime. >>Better options:>StannisIngratiates him to both Robert and Joffrey. It also gives him some acknowledgement for his abilities, and he's actually one of the easternmost lords in Westeros. It also gives him more resources as Master of Ships? Maybe, George really doesn't tell us what any of the titles mean does he? >Yohn Royce/Horton RedfortBoth older, prominent lords in the Vale and either of them are good options for a regent for Sweetrobin, even if Redfort can be reaching at times, he has no claim himself and will at most marry a grand/daughter to the kid. Royce is probably the better pick, he's well-known and respected throughout Westeros and has ties to the North, though they aren't as strong as Jon's. >Hoster TullyIt's pretty much a consolation for killing his daughter, but it's something of a belated award for his support during Robert's Rebellion as well. It also gives him more of a powerbase should anything threaten the stability of the kingdom. >>Less good options:>Renly Also to the east, but he doesn't have any connections to the Vale really. Would probably be seen as a snub to Stannis but it's also an excuse to get Renly off the table for Marge and married to the daughter of some Vale lord. >BarristanIf it has to be a Knight of the Kingsguard why arbitrarily the one Westerman, and not the Lord Commander?
what is happening
>>4775852Somebody's adderall kicked in.
>>4775866fucking bran blast going on here
Oh fuck someone is going to respond to all of these points now
>>4775871what does the posts say, i have a massive migrane right now
>>4775827>Waifus a response>>Best choices:>Sansa>MargearyPretty much the only two in the running, all else to weak.>>>Other Betrothals>>Tommen:Not really anyone good for him, but I'm sure someone will appear as he becomes and adult>>Myrcella:>Edric DayneThe best pick for her imo, it helps prep the field incase of a dornish civil war.>Loras TyrellTop tier gold cunny pick, nice tastesNot really anyone else worth thinking about.
>>4775875>Oh fuck someone is going to respond to all of these points nowThat's the plan. We have to beat that ban-evading faggot from /a/ somehow, right?
>>4775852I think we should just let this be here and if someone starts going off about waifus just point them to the wall of text
The breakdown is cool and all but I find it hard to support anything with the like 2 or 3 ratburgers spiteblocking Redwyne instead of letting her have a post or 2 of screentime.
>>4775882I think we need to pull off a deed that let's us practice polygamy, a la the Conqueror. Any vote for one waifu or the other is going to be samefaggy as all get out. Conquering the Stepstones and reclaiming Andalos seems like a good place to start.
>>4775898I'm all for genociding the Ironborn and dishing out their lands to allies.
>>4775592Under WHAT prism of light do you see Jon dying before of after going to the wall is bad?
>>4775842I was leaning towards Bronze Yohn Royce myself, but I changed my mind. Stannis would be an unironically good call to be Warden of the East. He's been grinding his teeth at how Robert has been overlooking him, so here's a good way to give him the honor and power that should make him happy, without allowing him to actually amass a power base that could challenge us later. Also, he can be a bulwark against any pissed off Tullys.
>>4775532>what would you like to do next? (write-in)Other than Tyrion, Cersei is our best bet for intrigue and staying one step ahead. Speak with Cersei specifically about the threat that Baelish poses and that we need to be prepared for what he may do or say. Cersei already knows that we know of our bastardry, so we need to tell her that Baelish may use this information as his get out clause against us when he is in a tight spot (in the event that he even knows this, of course). Also, tell her of the potential threat from Renly - he is openly hostile to the Lannisters (specifically Tyrion) and hint that we have heard he is shagging Loras - we can mention the sparring lesson with Loras and his evasiveness to homo jokes. If Renly decides to undermine the Lannisters at any time then these allegations can be used to ensure he stays quiet. >>4775852I dunno m8
>>4775827No thoughts on derailing everything with Arianne Martell?
>>4775911>getting cersei to "help" with anythingThis is begging for her to go off the deep end and cause all sorts of problems.
>>4775902Another good option. Kinda funny that they're the other big polygamous culture though.>>4775912Doran wouldn't bite at that offer, she's currently sworn to Viserys.
>>4775920Agreed. She's too volatile and reactionary.
on the whole broken back bran bit couldn't we just mention that bran likes climbing a certain tower while our thot mother is present
>>4775923Maybe not. The thing is, I'm not sure Doran has to bite at all. Only Arianne does. She thinks Doran means to replace her with her brother. We've seen the road that misunderstanding can take her down. We offer her ask her to come to court under routine pretexts and then give her the chance to be a queen rather than make one of her own... why wouldn't she bite? And what's Doran going to do about it if she does?
>>4775532>Say your goodbyes to Tyrion>Prepare gifts for Jaime, Cersei, Tommen and Myrcella. Ideally something that cannot be bought (duh) like a bouquet for cersei and myrcella, a custom-ish wooden toy soldier for tommen Ask the hound to buy/get this one and for Jaime... I am not too sure but how about a leather bracelet? You know a bunch of strips that you knot on your wrist.
>>4775920>>4775924How so? Robert is still in charge, Cersei wouldn’t undermine him by doing something rash. It’s also important that the family are all on the same page so that we can head off whatever threats are headed our way. We wouldn’t be requesting that Cersie do anything just yet, we’re letting her know what the situation is so she could potentially head it off before it happens - as Queen, she has a lot of clout, more so than a 12 year old prince. Cersei also actively wants to keep her children alive, so it is in our interest to keep her in the loop.
>>4775939Ah, how delightfully devilish of you, anon. I forgot that their relationship gets tenser and tenser as the books go on. The big unknown variable there is what will Doran do indeed. Will throwing (another) wrench in his hyper-convoluted Tzeentch-tier Dornish Masterplan be cause enough for him to actually move Quentyn up in the line of succession? Additionally, I'm not sure what she brings to the table other than a hot bod and a slightly less tenuous relationship Dorne. But there is a definite novelty to that plan, I'll give you that.
>>4775497Talk to the redheaded ratcatcher.>>4775540>>4775545>>4775551>>4775567>>4775822Talk to Robert about the Starks>>4775540>>4775545>>4775567>>4775571>>4775822Learn swordsmanship from Jaime/Talk to Jaime>>4775551Spar with the Hound>>4775546>>4775567>>4775571>>4775822Speak with Tommen>>4775546>>4775567>>4775571>>4775822>>4775911Speak with Cersei>>4775547>>4775571>>4775911>>4775945Say goodbye to Tyrion
>>4775945>for Jaime... I am not too sureNew white cloak for the ride North, maybe? Something a little heaver and warmer might be nice.
>>4775794Almost like killing Lysa was a bad idea.
Geinuine question here. Who's the guy in GoT who loses both arms, or hands? I think he losses one hand and stick a shield on that arm, then losses the other and something happens.
>>4775965Oh, good one. How about a pair of curtains as well rumao roru
>>4775945We should just buy a bunch of little toy soldiers for el Houndo under the pretense of buying him a chess set. Then invent warhammer>>4775958Uh dude, Cersei is a nutcase. And she never really gave a fuck about Robert or his authority outside of needing to cater to it occasionally to keep up appearances. If she could get away with spitting in his face she would.
>>4775960It forces House Martell and the rest of Dorne into the difficult and nearly unthinkable position of choosing between supporting a Lannister-Baratheon King or making war upon a Dornish Queen. The optics of anything less that hearty support are telling. I think it would greatly undermine any chance of Dornish support for FAegon as well.
Will we return to king's landing in time to grab twoface-assasin-plot device-loyal to a fault muh three deaths before the old crow takes him from the dungeon?
>>4775967No, it was still a good idea. It cleared one section of the board early in the game, and the only faction it pissed off was arguably the weakest.
>>4775967>>4775995Yeah, the arryn can't do shit besides throwing a couple of rocks downhill.
>>4775978Jaime Lannister. I'm thinking of Jaime Lannister.
>>4775967Yup. Picrel>>4775974>nutcaseYes, but she’s not stupid. By giving her time to plan ahead we’re mitigating for her having a potentially mad reaction should Baelish (or Renly) suddenly become a real threat.
>>4775994Yes, there is no proof he is even in the dungeon yet. He is in there at least a week after Ned comes to the capital, not before.
>>4775621>>4775618>>4775961You forgot these
>>4776013I wonder how tf a faceless men got thrown into a dungeon on the first place. Martin you have some explaining to do
Don't we want Tyrion to go visit the wall later, and Aren't the starks cucked from crossing or coming to our aid by some pedo asshole who controls a bridge?
>>4776004Bro Cersei is a dumbass. And she has the worst combination of personality traits for a schemer. Just don't.
>>4776023Tyrion went to the wall to be a tourist. He can do that when he is on paid leave. Right now he is master of coin
>>4775891You should've shilled better instead of trying to shoehorn her in anon. Why would King Joff want to play Reach politics by subbing/undermining the Tyrells and marrying a Redwyne? You have yet to satisfy my curiosity as to why this is somehow the best choice when we can marry the daughters of other prominent Lords of Westeros.
>>4776018I presume for training to behave more like a Westeros prisoner
>>4776044The other anon came up with the plan. I just supported it. I think cutting out a middleman and having the unconditional support of the largest navy in westeros and all that wine gold makes perfect sense. We are in heavy debt. All these lords owe us fealty, just some ask for more than others. Tyrell is constantly asking for more appointments for his bannermen in the books. He's a greedy fuck. Redwyne stacking the counsel with other reachlords makes no sense because it elevates them back up to his level. He's a safe and convenient play.
>>4775998Actually the Arryn are eliminated as players. No, the faction we pissed off are the Tullys, and they're weaker than anybody but the Greyjoys
>>4776088Probably weaker than the Greyjoys too. Riverlanders are absolute jobbers.
>>4776101>m-muh blakfish>gets raided to hell and back
Hightowers are richer and more influential than the Redwynes, why not go for them?
>>4776065Safe and convenient doesn't make it the best play available to us. If the debt wasn't going to the Lannisters I would probably agree with you on that point, otherwise it's not a priority issue. A large navy may be of some benefit, but to what use? Unless we're going to smash in the Iron Born personally I don't really see why we would need a larger navy in addition the the Royal one we have currently. The wine gold is potentially more useful, but again to what use? We have gold mines funding us.Tyrell is indeed a greedy fuck, and undermining him isn't a bad idea out of hand, but calling out Redwyne out of left field and making him Master of Coin will set all sorts of alarm bells off in Tyrell. If you really want to make this work with the least autism for us to deal with, we're going to need to get the Redwyne to court us instead of the other way around. That way the Tyrells are more focus on their own garden getting upity instead of a fat cat getting away with some wine.
>>4776107>cries to the king about getting btfo by a landed knight instead of dealing with it themselves>>4776118I didn't propose the plan. I supported it. Ask the other anon. One guess? I can't name a single eligible hightower that isn't either like a 6th daughter or some lowly cousin. Meanwhile, Desmera is a first and only daughter and her mom is also Mace's sister.
>>4776121The Lannisters own maybe half or so of the debt. It's millions of gold. We also owe the faith and Iron Bank among others. Those gold mines aren't putting up enough for daddy's binges. The suggestion was to talk with Desmera's brothers who are already here. That can be chalked up to happenstance by anyone overly wary of it. The problem is, we have people spitefully blocking the mere chance of it seemingly over a bit of shitposting from last thread.
>>4776134lil' finger's embezzlement* daddy's binge is quite a lot but it is just a mask
>>4775794We killed the same daughter who was put in an arranged marriage with a Lord Paramount when she tried to convince her father to let her marry the same minor lord who knocked her up after he started an incident with the north over her sister. She then spent the next several decades sponsoring him into high office before admitting to poisoning her husband and that she was cucking him with her old lover for years.Lysa wasn't Ned, even if Hoster wasn't bedridden and did believe the latter part was coerced out of her its a bit of a stretch for him to attack the king's entourage over it, its more likely for him to pin it on Littlefinger to blame someone than starting a war against most/all of Westeros over it.
>>4776138Remember, Hoster Tully is one of the few people who knows Lysa Arryn and Petyr Baelish were TOTALLY fucking. He sent the kid away and forced her to drink moon tea. He knows what's up.
>>4776143so, chances are he will facepalm as soon as he hears the news? If he is lucid that is
>>4776138>even if Hoster wasn't bedridden and did believe the latter part was coercedHe isn't bedridden yet.
>>4776134You mean a bit of autism instead of shitposting. If you really want to get the Redwynes to come to King's Landing, don't try and ask them about the sister that we've never met. Instead, make them think they could get a foot in the door with the King visa their kegs of wine. Once they have their foot in the door, then we can see where this goes.
Remember King Joffrey's Valor
So when we win our first tourney, are we naming Myrcella the Queen of Love and Beauty to trigger Cersei's valonquar ptsd?
Returning to the royal apartments accompanied by Sandor Clegane, the adrenaline which has been pumping through your veins the entirety of this eventful day begins to subside, leaving you feeling sluggish and sleepy. You pass out the moment your head hits the pillow. You wake up bright and early the next morning - day 15 of your new life as Prince Joffrey Baratheon - to the sound of commotion. The servants are all aflutter collecting everything the King’s procession will require on the long journey ahead through the Riverlands and the North. Your own chambermaids and royal household servants arrive once word begins to spread that the Crown Prince has awoken and start packing the clothes you’ll be wearing on the road once you grant them your leave to do so.You dress yourself in one of your finest riding outfits before exiting the bedroom as well as Maegor’s Holdfast and walk over to Tyrion Lannister’s brand new chambers, much larger than the apartment he was staying in during his brief tenure as Chief Architect of Sanitation. You spot the new symbol of office on the dwarf’s chest demarking him as the Master of Coin as you enter.The Imp looks up from the ledger he’s reading at a desk upon your arrival and greets you with a thin smile. “Good morning, nephew. I’m sorry to report Littlefinger was not found last night nor today. According to the harbormaster, it appears the former Master of Coin managed to escape the capital via a Braavosi trading galley called The Merling King. If only I had been keen enough to post a couple ratcatchers in place to watch him, he may not have made it through the Mud Gate. Instead I’ll have to settle for doing my best to decipher his method of recordkeeping on my own.”You frown. “Thank you for your hard work, nuncle. I apologize for forcing you into this position, but it’s for the good of the realm that our finances don’t fall to pieces.” “I’m sure I’ll find time to enjoy myself, nephew,” he assures you. “Who knows, maybe sitting across from Renly on the Small Council may prove fun in a manner of speaking? Hopefully our hard efforts in bringing the perpetrator of the poisoning to justice quashes any ill rumors about our family still lingering about King’s Landing. I would hate to think all we accomplished was replacing one short, whoremongering, clever Master of Coin with another.” You chuckle. “I as well, Tyrion.” The blonde lion of Lannister stands up from where he was sitting and waddles over to you, sticking out a stubby hand for you to shake. “I suppose this is goodbye for now, Your Grace. I wish you good fortune and weather on The King’s Road.”>Goodbye for now.>Take this valyrian steel dagger. I want it kept here South where it will be safe.>Keep your hands off that redhead in the Rat Catcher's Guild. I've taken a liking to her.>When I return, we must speak of Tysha. There's much you deserve to know, Tyrion.>Other (write-in)
>>4776208>Goodbye for now.>Keep your hands off that redhead in the Rat Catcher's Guild. I've taken a liking to her.Should we start panicking about the dagger?
>>4776208>Goodbye for now.
>>4776134>The problem is, we have people spitefully blocking the mere chance of it seemingly over a bit of shitposting from last thread.It's a dumbass idea
>>4776208>Goodbye for now. *dabs*
>>4776208goodbye *dab* >>4776231 I think we can make this a trend. It will be cringe as fuck, but I get te feeling eople with catch on with it
>>4776208>Goodbye for now.and>Keep your hands off that redhead in the Rat Catcher's Guild. I've taken a liking to her.
>>4776208>>Other (write-in)>If you can, have a small host sent to Baelish Keep, on the smallest of the Fingers. Houses Royce, Waynwood, Hunter, Redfort, Belmore, and Templeton can be trusted. Keep a tab on Harrold Hardyng as well, he's next in line for the Vale after Sweetrobin.
>>4776243I know we will have a blue-blooded wife eventually, but the prospect of having our own 'Lady Misery' (even if she can't do magic or wet work on that level) is an appealing prospect - especially considering that we know that Varys is compromised (to put it gently), and if FAegon does proceed to Westros like he does in the books, then Varys will eventually have to move against us.
>>4776208>>Goodbye for now.give him a hug
>>4776208>>Goodbye for now.>>Don't cuck me with the red-head bro>>Hug
>>4776208>goodbye for now.Don't let the coffers run dry while we're gone.
>>4776208>Goodbye for nowLeave while Twerking violently to the horror of the imp. Just kidding, green arrow is real vote.
>>4776273Yea, I'll support a hug as well.
>>4776208>>Goodbye for now.
Is the crown able to seize Peter's brothels now that he's an outlaw? Maybe Tyrion should get on that.
>>4776208>Keep your hands off that redhead in the Rat Catcher's Guild. I've taken a liking to her.
>>4776302Hell yea! Fully support mentioning this to Tyrion.
>>4776302Shit, and this too.
>>4775831>Get Asha to marry Joffrey just to screw this timeline up even more>Making Theon Brother-in-LawWhat fun!
>>4776273This and hug
>>4776341Just take her as a saltwife, I'm sure she wouldn't object.
>>4776208>>Goodbye for now.This
>>4776208>Goodbye for now. *dabs*>Keep your hands off that redhead in the Rat Catcher's Guild. I've taken a liking to her.
>>4776370Think about it anon... If Joffrey takes Asha as a real wife and sees her sleeping with someone else (which is inevitable), you could have Joffrey go full Victarion mode.
>>4776208>Goodbye for now>Keep your hands off that redhead in the Rat Catcher's Guild. I've taken a liking to her.
>>4776208>Goodbye for now.>Keep your hands off that redhead in the Rat Catcher's Guild. I've taken a liking to her.
please more *dab* votes
>>4776385literal vindictive cuck here
>>4776430No dabbing. Only hitting that nae nae.
>>4776430I gotchu fampai.>>4776208Ahem. I would like to add one gracefully executed *dab* maneuver to this vote, OP:>>4776339
>>4776451one day aniki
>>4776454Now that's a reference I hadn't expected to see.
>>4776458I thought that was why people were voting for it.
>>4776463Nobody knows why people are voting for it.Not even the voters.
>>4776463I just want to feed the poor with slightly higher quality food that is readily available.
>>4776474https://awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/Bowl_of_brownRats are already being eaten. Just send them the burger accoutrements and they'll have slightly higher quality mystery stews. And we won't go down in history as the King who created the bubonic reuben.
>>4776463We have to eat the skaven before they eat us
>>4776458Really? Its what i first thought of when some anon brought it up
>>4776463>>4776484I just assume people are literal children here so I guess it's my fault for not picking the obvious answer.
>>4776477Image delectable rat meat slathered with cheese, topped with lettuce and tomato, with ketchup squeezing out every time you go to bite it.
>>4776491Westeros doesn't have post-Columbian exchange foods, tomatoes and ketchup are off the table and spices like mustard are for the nobility. Let the peasants keep their pot shops, they're good places for us do send troublesome people. Besides, the last thing we need is an outbreak that people could trace to us-sponsored ratburger vendors, because that'd make for riots.https://www.cdc.gov/rodents/diseases/indirect.htmlhttps://www.cdc.gov/rodents/diseases/direct.htmlTyrion wasn't trying to steal our idea from us when he said that they'll make people sick.
>>4776488You haven't heard of the three shells? Man, you must be from the unwashed, unenlightened masses hiding in the sewers.
It's like the ratburger people haven't tasted squirrel before. Or Rabbit. Rat taste like cheap rabbit. Don't ask.
>>4776499as long as the rats are well cooked, diseases should not be a problem
>>4776503>>4776499Yeah they need to be thoroughly charred to get rid of disease
>>4776503That isn't true. Something like Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease, the human version of Mad Cow, can't be killed by heat, among many others.
>>4776499https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rat-on-a-stickThe Yu Ti disagree.
>>4776507Ah yes this is a problem too.
>>4776501How do you use the three shells?
Let's hug the little monster and hit the road!
>>4776510Why the hell would anyone want to emulate food from a chinese wet market?
>>4776510>>4776503How about, we catch rats, sort out the diseased ones, and keep the un-diseased for breeding new rats for the rat burgers?
>>4776515>emulate food from a chinese wet marketThat's a great idea anon. Why not make bat soup too?
>>4776515People who lived though the Great Leap Forward. Thankfully, we don't have to emulate them.>>4776518Interesting idea. Slight flaw; how would you know the difference between the two?
>>4776518How do you propose we check the rats for prions? They're fucking molecules. Large molecules, yes, but still molecules. Looking for symptoms won't work, people who were in England during the Creutzfeldt–Jakob outbreak in the 70s are barred from donating blood for life, on the chance the prion might wake up and kill them or the people receiving the donation.>>4776522Please anon, I'm here for escapism.
>>4776518And feed the rats what?If rats were a viable staple food then the peasants would already be using them.
>>4776523your right.Separate the newborn rats into a clean environment so they dont ever have a chance to get diseased.
>>4776525>How do you propose we check the rats for prions?You squint.>They're fucking molecules. Large molecules, yes, but still molecules.Squint really hard.
>>4776526anything thats not disease of course. Peasants are too dumb to develop ideas about rat farming.
>>4776527https://www.cdc.gov/prions/cwd/transmission.html>The CWD prion has been shown to experimentally infect squirrel monkeys, and also laboratory miceLaboratory mice, as in mice raised in conditions where sterility is of the utmost importance.>>4776533Silly me, I should've thought of that.>>4776534>Peasants are too dumb to develop ideas about rat farming.Even during times of scarcity where people HAD to eat rats, the refrained from farming them. Because rats are not appetizing.
>>4776302Support. Should we tell him to be wary of the eunuch?
>>4776302nationalize the brothels
>>4776560Everyone's wary of varys by default. I think it's fine if they become friends. And then they can talk and plan all alone while bet you thought this spoiler gonna be gay shit you fucking commie scum, die. Anyway I wouldn't be too worried about it.
>>4776563Seize the means of reproduction.
>>4776488I guess thats fair. I forget sometimes how young everyone here likely is
>>4776208>When I return, we must speak of Tysha. There's much you deserve to know, Tyrion.
>>4776502Fried squirrel brains is a delicacy
>>4776518Anon, that in no way could possibly be profitable.
>>4776208>Goodbye for now>>4776302+1 to this. Let our best Nuncle own a brothel.
>>4776587You know, during WW2, the Solviets had mobile brothel units for their frontline troops.
>>4776613Yeah they were called the women in the territories they occupied.
>>4776618No, I mean state-owned brothels at a time when the Nazis were just 5 miles from Moscow.
>>4776623seize the means of reproduction
>>4776208>Goodbye for now
>>4776208>Other>I fear Renly feels the recent blackhearted rumours have changed the line of succession, and he’ll seek the Reach as an ally. Any overtures you could make to the true leader of House Tyrell, Ollana would be appreciated. The Tyrells should know the Crown is their friend.
You ignore the proffered hand, stepping in and throwing your arms around Tyrion as you crouch. He startles slightly from being enveloped by your larger form, but accepts the hug a moment later. You pat him on the back and then release your hold after several seconds, rising to your full height once more. “Goodbye for now, nuncle. And keep your hands off that redhead in the Rat Catcher’s Guild while I’m gone. I’ve taken a liking to her.” The blonde-haired dwarf raises his eyebrows, shocked by your request. “You’re a little young to be interested in lowborn wenches like Rucket, don’t you think, nephew?” You chuckle, shaking your head vehemently. “Not anymore - as of my 12th nameday, I’m a man grown. At least where it counts, as I’m sure you’ve similarly said to more than a few ladies.” “Ladies?” Tyrion repeats, aghast. “Heavens no, Your Grace. . . said as much to plenty of whores, though. And I suppose I’ll have to continue contenting myself with them if you’ve laid your royal claim to our maiden rat catcher.” He performs a mock bow. “If I had known you were itching to dip your wick earlier, I might have put in a good word for you. Or mayhaps a naughty one, considering the recipient.” You wave away his regret. “I’ll be fine. But speaking of whores, you may want to look into some of the brothels Littlefinger owned in the city. As an outlaw, I’m sure the Crown should be able to seize his holdings. If you act quick enough, they should be yours.” The Imp’s eyes twinkle impishly. “Why that is a marvelous idea. I’ve been renting the cows when I should have bought the farm years ago. Careful, Your Grace. All this power may go straight to my head.”“Just don’t drown in all the free milk,” you advise him, before giving him one last hug goodbye and taking your leave of his chambers. The royal grooms bring you your personal horse once you reach the courtyard, a gelded black palfrey with an ambling capability well-suited for the rider’s comfort on long journeys like the one you’ll be making to Winterfell, but not so much for combat or jousting which you clearly aren’t expecting to have to do in the near future. You tentatively mount the living creature, inexperienced as you know you personally are with horses, but are pleasantly surprised when Joffrey Baratheon’s innate practice and skill on horseback prior to your hostile takeover of his body kicks in. The muscle memory allows you to easily navigate and maneuver without much difficulty.A train of hundreds prepares to accompany the King - mounted on a huge warhorse fitted for his massive girth - as he rides out from the Red Keep and through the streets of King’s Landing for the peasants and smallfolk to gather and gawk at the procession in awe of his fat majesty.
You choose to ride beside your father, flanked by the snow-white cloaks of the Kingsguard on either side, as you head towards the Gate of the Gods. The huge gate’s portcullis is raised up in advance of your massive party’s arrival, allowing you to spill out onto the Kingsroad in two great columns of riders on horseback.Looking back over your shoulder, you see detailed carvings on the gatehouse over the portcullis behind you with eyes that seem to follow the King’s retinue as you depart the city.Over the next several days, you travel down the grand road, which quickly becomes little more than two narrow dirt tracks, winding back and forth on itself just north of King’s Landing. The geography of the Crownlands eventually blends and bleeds into the landscapes of the Riverlands - plains, hills, distant forests clustered on the horizons and endless rivers, flowing and babbling in every which direction. As you go, more and more people flock to join the King’s passing train - singers and hedge knights, sworn swords and mummers - all looking to prosper and elevate either their status or their wealth by attaching themselves to him like barnacles to a whale’s belly.During this time, you have ample opportunity to speak candidly with King Robert who, to his credit, looks less and less dejected with each passing day as you approach the Trident where you will meet up with the rest of the royal family and Ser Jaime. You ask the black-haired King about Eddard and the Starks, prompting Robert to speak fondly of their days together as youths as well give you what pithy information he knows about the Lord Paramounts who rule the northern portion of his Seven Kingdoms. It’s nothing you didn’t already know.Is there anything else you wish to speak with King Robert about before Cersei is back in the picture and sure to sully his mood?>Ask Robert who he plans to name Warden of the East. Make your own suggestion? (write-in if you want)>Tell Robert you don’t think you’ll want to marry the Stark girl>Ask Robert if Jon Arryn had any last words for him before he died>Other (write-in)
>>4776849>Ask Robert who he plans to name Warden of the East.Stannis. Hopefully it'll make him feel indebted to us when he hears we went to bat for him.
Discuss Estern culture and harems, you idea of making a royal one for yourself.
>>4776849>>Ask Robert who he plans to name Warden of the East. Make your own suggestion? (write-in if you want)This. Have Joffrey suggest Nestor Royce for Warden. After all, he is the High Steward of the Vale already and people thought he should be the regent for Sweetrobin in the original timeline.
>>4776849>Other (write-in)ask about the North and Northern culture, so we can make a good impression on the Starks
>>4776849>Ask Robert who he plans to name Warden of the East. Make your own suggestion? (write-in if you want)Stannis, he's been snubbed by Robert enough and this will seem like an olive branch. Especially with him losing the fostering of Sweetrobin. If we need to we can mention how Stannis and Jon seemed close, at least towards the end. >>4776874Nestor is a bit of a reaching snake. Besides, he's the castellan of a single castle, not a high lord or even traveled/politically powerful knight.
>>4776849>father & son bonding over violenceAsk dad about his skill with the warhammer. I bet he could fell trees as wide as two men. Does he thing we would ever be proficient with one, or should we stick to blades weaponry?
>>4776849>Other (write-in)Discuss Estern culture and harems, you idea of making a royal one for yourself.
>>4776894Nestor is pretty influential in Vale politics but yeah he's a stretch. Thought I would just give my own dark horse candidate.
>>4776902both are me for some reason 4chan gave me 2 IDs
>>4776868>>4776894+1 for Stannis as Warden of the East
>>4776868>>4776894Support Mannis for Warden. Maybe he can knock some sense into Harry the Heir too.
>>4776873you know what, I'll support thisRobert will probably find it funny more than anything else
>>4776934>inb4 "What's a harem? What sort of nonsense words does your mother have them teaching you?"