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After you've had your fill of the delicious dishes laid out before you, worthy in taste of the GRRM-esque food porn you are intimately familiar with reading about, and have gone through the necessary motions as a highborn crown prince must for a feast being held in honor of his birthday, you excuse yourself from your place of honor beside the king and travel not too far down the length of the trestle tables to where the Lannister dwarf is seated, eating and drinking copious amounts of wine.

The Imp has stubby legs, a jutting forehead, mismatched eyes of green and black and a mixture of pale blonde and black hair. He regards you with those hetero-chromatic eyes of his as you near his location purposefully, raising a flagon in greetings as he loudly addresses you. “Happy nameday, your Grace!”

His ensuing, unique stare is somewhat off-putting as the intelligent schemer attempts to discern the reason for your visit.

“Are you heading back to Casterly Rock with grandfather, uncle?” you inquire.

He nods in answer. “Yes, along with just about everyone else in our family save for you, dear nephew. I'd hazard to say you've developed an unwise habit of antagonizing your Lord Grandfather this nameday.”

>I suppose you would know not to cross Tywin, considering what horrors he inflicted upon your first wife
>I'm more concerned with antagonizing you. You seemed slighted by my bet against Ser Jaime in the joust. I wish to return the money and assure you I have great love and respect for both my nuncles.
>Stay here in the capital with me, uncle. There's a whorehouse I wish to take you to, but I'm far too sore from sparring with Loras to dip my wick tonight.
>Perhaps I'll make it up to my grandfather by releasing Jaime from his Kingsguard oath once I'm king so he can inherit Casterly Rock like Tywin wants. Of course, as the current heir, I'm sure that's not what you want, is it?
>Other (write-in)

>>4749936
>>I'm more concerned with antagonizing you. You seemed slighted by my bet against Ser Jaime in the joust. I wish to return the money and assure you I have great love and respect for both my nuncles.
Build rapport.

>>4749936
>>I'm more concerned with antagonizing you. You seemed slighted by my bet against Ser Jaime in the joust. I wish to return the money and assure you I have great love and respect for both my nuncles.
>>Stay here in the capital with me, uncle. There's a whorehouse I wish to take you to, but I'm far too sore from sparring with Loras to dip my wick tonight.
>>Perhaps I'll make it up to my grandfather by releasing Jaime from his Kingsguard oath once I'm king so he can inherit Casterly Rock like Tywin wants. Of course, as the current heir, I'm sure that's not what you want, is it?

>>4749936
>I'm more concerned with antagonizing you. You seemed slighted by my bet against Ser Jaime in the joust. I wish to return the money and assure you I have great love and respect for both my nuncles.

>>4749936
>>I'm more concerned with antagonizing you. You seemed slighted by my bet against Ser Jaime in the joust. I wish to return the money and assure you I have great love and respect for both my nuncles.

>>4749947
+1

Don't forget to archive the previous thread!

>>4749936
>I'm more concerned with antagonizing you. You seemed slighted by my bet against Ser Jaime in the joust. I wish to return the money and assure you I have great love and respect for both my nuncles.

>>4749964
>>4749965
one of you is an impostor

>>4749967
>just one

>>4749969
sus

>>4749967
You shouldn't have said anything

>>4749936
>>I'm more concerned with antagonizing you. You seemed slighted by my bet against Ser Jaime in the joust. I wish to return the money and assure you I have great love and respect for both my nuncles.

>>4749936
>>I'm more concerned with antagonizing you. You seemed slighted by my bet against Ser Jaime in the joust. I wish to return the money and assure you I have great love and respect for both my nuncles.

Writing!

>>4750003
Who the fuck are you?! What did you do with Trick?!

>>4750015
>implying there ever was a Trick

>>4750015
.

>>4750021
>>4750022
My mind is having a sizuer

>>4750028
And thus the autism continues!

guys fuck off already

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>>4750057

>>4750057
You don't have to defend me, anon. I think it's funny.

>>4750057
If you want to blame somebody blame yourself imposter

>>4750057
Lol retard look at your name

>>4750057
Lol, what a noob!

Not getting a trip may have backfired, I just didn't think it was going to be necessary. I think my namefagging days are over in this adventure, a good thing probably. If I have any thoughts about the quest, I'll relay them over chat, where I hope I can't be impersonated.

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>>4750115

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sggmx8vysoc

>>4750115
>If I have any thoughts about the quest, I'll relay them over chat, where I hope I can't be impersonated

Have you considered that no one cares about the thoughts of namefags?

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“I'm more concerned with antagonizing you,” you opine honestly to the little man, who regards you with a perplexed expression as you do.

“Why, nephew?” he asks. “Afraid the Imp might gobble you up in your sleep? Has one of your nursemaids been telling tall tales of naughty children suffering ill fates on their namedays?”

You chuckle at his questions, pulling out a velvet sack of clinking gold coins. “No. I merely thought you seemed slighted by my bet against Ser Jaime in the joust. I wish to return the money and assure you I have great love and respect for both my nuncles.”

You hold out the coin purse for him to take, which he waves away. “Think nothing of it, nephew. A Lannister always pays his debts. I can't have people think I grovel and whine to have my money returned when I lose a wager. Keep it – you won it fair and square. It's a good lesson to learn that the man who bets blinded by love and sentiment is destined to lose, as I was for my brother Jaime. Of course,” he segues with a mischievous twinkle in his mismatched eyes, “I'm sure your decision on who to back in the lists had nothing to do with any cravings for the King's love and sentiment, right? Or else that lesson may just as easily turn itself on its head and prove a necessary one for you to learn, Your Grace.”

His intent is clear – back the King at your family's expense at your own peril.

>Bid Goodbye to Tyrion
>I love my Father and King very much, uncle.
>Mention a nearby whorehouse in King's Landing you think he'd enjoy himself tonight before he leaves for the morrow
>Tell Tyrion you're about to bet it all on your family and you could really use his assistance if he chose to stay in the capital
>Other (write-in)

>>4750143
>>Mention a nearby whorehouse in King's Landing you think he'd enjoy himself tonight before he leaves for the morrow

>>4750143
>Tell Tyrion you're about to bet it all on your family and you could really use his assistance if he chose to stay in the capital
doump eit

>>4750143
>Tell Tyrion you're about to bet it all on your family and you could really use his assistance if he chose to stay in the capital
I don't think Tyrion has any important role to play in Casterly Rock right now, and his intellect can be of help here (and an in-character way for QM to tell us when we're being stupid)

>>4750143
>>I love my Father and King very much, uncle.
Aren't we a sly little shit?
>>Tell Tyrion you're about to bet it all on your family and you could really use his assistance if he chose to stay in the capital

>>4750143
>>Tell Tyrion you're about to bet it all on your family and you could really use his assistance if he chose to stay in the capital

>>4750143
>>Tell Tyrion you're about to bet it all on your family and you could really use his assistance if he chose to stay in the capital

>>4750143
>>Tell Tyrion you're about to bet it all on your family and you could really use his assistance if he chose to stay in the capital

>>4750143
>>Tell Tyrion you're about to bet it all on your family and you could really use his assistance if he chose to stay in the capital

>>4750143
>>Tell Tyrion you're about to bet it all on your family and you could really use his assistance if he chose to stay in the capital

>>4750143
>Bid Goodbye to Tyrion
Will any house guards be staying with us? We should keep half a dozen men with us at least.

>>4750143
>Tell Tyrion you're about to bet it all on your family and you could really use his assistance if he chose to stay in the capital

>>4750178
n00b

>>4750143
>Tell Tyrion you're about to bet it all on your family and you could really use his assistance if he chose to stay in the capital

>>4750143
>I love my Father and King very much, uncle.

Awww, he feels the need to threaten us! It's a shame he thinks our bet was born of sentiment instead of realpolitik, but I suppose us being a little terrorizing shit before our nameday would convince him that we're not as smart or politically minded as we are now.

>>4750200
>that we're not as smart or politically minded as we are now.
Are we though?

>>4750200
Yeah now we're a genius.

>>4750203
Of course! You seem to forget that I have a law degree.

>>4750204
We were always a genius, just look at the master plan for our SI Joffrey fanfic!

>>4750147
>>4750151

Whorehouse

>>4750149
>>4750154
>>4750155
>>4750163
>>4750165
>>4750166
>>4750171
>>4750172
>>4750186
>>4750196

Tell Tyrion to stay

>>4750155
>>4750200

I love my father and King very much, uncle

>>4750178
Say goodbye

>>4750187
Elsweyr's anus hair.

>>4750143
>Tell Tyrion you're about to bet it all on your family and you could really use his assistance if he chose to stay in the capital
I think we should just tell him we are some seer or someshit

>>4750335
>not committed to the master plan

FElsweyr

>>4750335
That'll fall apart when shit starts to go sideways. Better to just seem really smart.

We aren't, of course. But we can look that way.

Perhaps we can have tryion try and think up and implemwntsome things that can improve kings landing in general, or maybe forming up a spy ring?

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“Well, Tyrion,” you speak conspiratorially, lowering your voice to barely more than a whisper, “My wager on who would win the joust this day will be far from the last one I make in the near future regarding my family's triumph or defeat – though it shall certainly be the most inconsequential. And you should know – I'm planning to risk it all on our victory.”

The littlest lion of Lannister cocks an eyebrow, confused by your sudden doubling down of serious implications as well as your hinting at an upcoming life or death situation, especially considering his previous estimations of you as a dopey, sadistic child. “And which family would that be, nephew – stag or lion?”

“Lions, mostly,” you inform him truthfully. “But without a sizable population of stags to feed on, a pride of lions starves, no? They can't easily hunt eagles that fly through the air nor as carnivores subsist on roses.”

Tyrion smirks at your obvious symbolism. “I have to ask: is this gamble of yours borne of blind love and sentiment of which we just discussed is folly?”

You shake your head. “No – borne of necessity. The same necessity which leads me to plead for you to stay in the capital and assist me in the bet.”

The dwarf looks flabbergasted by your proposal. “You want me to stay here in this stinking cesspit of a city?”

You groan. “I was planning to speak with Grand Maester Pycelle soon about proper sanitation to maybe fix the smell.”

Tyrion shakes his head with a chuckle. “Don't bother with the old toad. You're looking at the man in charge of all the cisterns and drains in Casterly Rock, nephew. I'm responsible for ensuring all of my father's shit which isn't gold flows into the sea – and the castle has never smelt sweeter since my appointment. If you need advice on plumbing, look no further or higher.”

You grin at the clever man's brag. “So, mayhaps you'd be willing to stay and lend King's Landing your experienced services – well compensated, of course.”

Tyrion cackles at your suggestion. “Is this the gamble, nephew? Convince the King to accept another Lannister into his court – this time a dwarf in charge of sewage and night soil. Will this task ensure our family's ascendancy to the top of shit heap mountain?”

“No,” you reply to you nuncle's jest, “but it is a convenient reason for your presence and a great explanation for our working together. Think about it, uncle. Your mind is going to waste managing grandfather's latrines. Here, you can assist your siblings, nephews and niece in ruling the Seven Kingdoms . . . and help make the capital a less unbearable place for the small folk to live because let's be honest, this place smells like pig shit and it's about time we did what we could to alleviate that.”

The stunted halfman shakes his head, somewhat taken aback by your earnest offer and his own surging ego at the prospect of having a real chance to make a difference in the world rather than live in the shadows of his prominent family's far greater accomplishments and notoriety.

“If King Robert agrees to granting me an official position managing King's Landing's waste, I will accept it, Your Grace.”

You smile and pat him on the back, rubbing his shoulders in genuine appreciation. “Thank you, nuncle.”

>Anything else you wish to say to him? (write-in)

>Go talk to Myrcella
>Go talk to Pycelle
>Go convince King Robert to make Tyrion the Master of Shit
>Go to bed, you're fucking tired
>Other (write-in)

>>4750465
>nuncle
Our uncle is now a nun

>Go talk to Myrcella

>>4750465
>>Go convince King Robert to make Tyrion the Master of Shit
Let the shit show start

>>4750465
>Go talk to Myrcella

>>4750465
>>Go talk to Pycelle
>>Go convince King Robert to make Tyrion the Master of Shit

>>4750465
>Go talk to Myrcella
>Go convince King Robert to make Tyrion the Master of Shit

>>4750465
>Go talk to Myrcella
>Go convince King Robert to make Tyrion the Master of Shit

>>4750465
>>Go talk to Myrcella
>>Go convince King Robert to make Tyrion the Master of Shit
>>Would you like for Gendry to be *your* servant, Loras? *wiggle eyebrows*

King Lard is going to ask us to go boar hunting with him and instead of getting gored by the thing he'll save us from getting got by the pig. Obviously he will be less drunk because he'll have been spending time telling Joff all about the best ways to stick a boar to kill it quick instead of only drinking.

The future is coming.

>>4750465
>Go talk to Myrcella
>Go convince King Robert to make Tyrion the Master of Shit

>>4750455
>>Go talk to Myrcella
>>Go convince King Robert to make Tyrion the Master of Shit

>>4750502
Even if Bobby sits on the throne it'll work out for us if we butter him up, and we get Tywin or Tyrion to somehow conspire to get rid of Varys and Baelish from planting ideas into our enemies heads.

>>4750465
>>Go convince King Robert to make Tyrion the Master of Shit

Best to do so while he's in his cups and in a good mood.

>>4750468
>>4750470
>>4750487
>>4750497
>>4750501
>>4750509
>>4750513
>>4750521

Myrcella

>>4750469
>>4750482
>>4750487
>>4750497
>>4750501
>>4750509
>>4750513
>>4750521
>>4750534

Robert

>>4750482
Pycelle

Robert first! Writing!

Perhaps we could establish a rat catchers guild or some such as well? It would help with sanitation and we could make them an auxiliary to the gold cloaks more or less under our personal control, seed it with cutthroats and rogues.

>>4750582
I'd rather work with a little bird catcher guild, if you catch my drift... but being real, catching rats? sounds awful, because there are just too many rats...

I do think making a guild or something on the sidelines is a good idea, because our main goal is survival....

>>4750582
I would normally say no, but I like the idea of a semi-informal security apparatus working under the wing of the sanitation department. The Master of Shit and his rat catchers would be a hilarious terror to institutionalize.

>>4750603
Well, a rat catcher guild would be great for getting people into hard to get places, rats are everywhere after all.

>>4750608
Precisely.

>>4750616
>>4750608
Ah... rat catching would be an excuse. I like it. We could focus in sanitizing highborn houses only. A specialized service y'know? We'd just have to be able to market it nicely. After that we would have a nice excuse right?

>>4750603
Why next to public sanititation also some clean water. Some small aquaducts or at the very least some clean water sources where people aren't allowed to shit in.

In light of the recent trolling with several anons impersonating my name, I have elected to take on a SECURE trip of my own. Sorry for all of the confusion.

>>4750637
THE REAL Elsweyr would never need a trip imposter
I know this for I am Elsweyr

>>4750637
Fake

>>4750627
Well, theres no reason it should do both, but we could certainly have a dedicated "wetwork" team filled with thieves and murderers.

>>4750636
For sure, all of this to boot would employ some of the poor getting them off the street as well.

We must make sure to take credit alongside our uncle though. I feel that Tywin will be most impressed, we can even say he inspired us. I would think that it would also improve his opinion of Tyrion if things go well.

@TrickQM !Tx0QgjVrt.
Please tell these imposters to stop or I won't let you run this anymore

>>4750668
*shouldn't

>>4750675
I'm Elsweyr QM, I don't know who Trick is.

>>4750675
UPDATES WILL CONTINUE TILL MORAL IMPROVES

>>4750675
TrickQM Tell this imposter to stop impersonating me.

>>4750668
So, the least trustworthy henchmen possible?

>>4750675
Cut it out. I already made my announcement.

>>4750675
>>4750681
>>4750682
>>4750684
>>4750687
Fake

>>4750687
>So, the least trustworthy henchmen possible?

Well we certainly won't have much use of men of upstanding moral character will we?

Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>4750696
Whoever rolls the highest is the real Elsweyr

>>4750696
REAL

>>4750705
*dab*

>>4750700
Yes? Someone can be moral and also loyal to a fault, willing to do immoral things in the service of a greater good.

Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>4750709

Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>4750705
*Sigh*

If it will get you to stop impersonating me. I will remind that all of this was my idea. I should be allowed to express myself.

>>4750716
>>4750715
I guess it isn't me

Wonder if Tywin is going to be incensed by his son getting the 'Cists and Lanterns' post in King's Landing. It is a not-so-subtle insult to appoint a Lannister to handle the shit, even if Tywin had done it himself. Maybe we could play into some of that with Robert, let him think we genuinely do want him to help clean up the city, while he gets a dig in at Tywin.

>>4750711
Maybe we'll make Stannis head of the ratcatchers guild then.

>>4750722
Cists and Lanterns is my Guns N Roses coverband name.

>>4750722
Make Tyrion Commander of the Gold Cloaks, send Janos to his old job?

>>4750741
I meant Latrines, sorry.

>>4750739
The lord of dragonstone and master of ships?

>>4750743
Now this is a good idea. Hard for Littlefinger to try to bribe them when they are in Lannister pockets instead.

>>4750743
Commander of the brown cloaks should do just fine for tyrion

>>4750752
Does sarcasm not compute

>>4750756
Ser Casm was sadly thrown from his horse a fortnight prior. The fall killed him. A stone lie upon where his head fell, you see.

>>4750760
kek

>>4750760
Can we get Ser Twenty down from the North, speaking of Stannis?

>>4750778
Of house Goodman? Where is their seat?

>>4750782
I was going to say somewhere in the Telltale games but I don't know what anything from either of those are called.

>>4750582
this idea, I like. A group we have control over that has access to most of the city without looking out of place is valuable

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You smile and pat him on the back, rubbing his shoulders in genuine appreciation. “Thank you, nuncle.”

“I'll go see to that now,” you inform Tyrion as you take your leave, acutely aware of your extremely narrow window of opportunity between this evening's feast and the Lannisters departing for Casterly Rock on the morrow. He waves you off, eyes trailing your movements as he drinks deep from his goblet, watching you with what is very likely a healthy dose of suspicion – you are acting rather queer compared to the insane sociopath you probably were yesterday.

Arriving back at your seat beside the King, you wait for Robert to finish his conversation with your gregarious uncle Renly, the two black-haired brothers sharing a hearty laugh together as the younger one finishes telling the eldest some jape. As you and Renly make eye contact, he realizes you wish to speak with your father, giving you a wink of one laughing blue-green eyeball before returning to his seat beside the tourney champion Ser Loras.

Nearing your father, he turns to greet you, his ruddy cheeks bright red with a drunken flush, grinning from ear to ear. “Enjoying the feast, my boy?”

You nod as you scoot your chair next to his. “Yes, father. I just finished talking with my uncle, Tyrion.”

“The Imp?” he specifies in his loud booming voice, Queen Cersei nearby easily overhearing her brother's insulting nickname and casting a worried, irritated glance in the direction of your conversation. “How is he?”

“Bored,” you quickly answer with a lie, piggybacking off the question to segue into your next bit. “He says he's fucked his way through every whore in Lannisport thrice over and wishes to avail himself of the wider and more diverse selection here in the capital that he has yet to see.”

King Robert roars with laughter. “A dwarf after my own heart. I'm sure I can recommend him a brothel or two to visit.”

You nod. “But he says he can't stand the terrible stench of King's Landing.”

The fat Baratheon recoils indignantly. “He dares to insult my city?!”

You hold up your hands to ease the king's ire. “It's true though, Father. You must have smelt it as we left the Red Keep and went out to the tourney field. Outside the Sept of Baelor and the castle, the capital smells rotten with garbage and night soil. The small folk live among their own filth. It's a problem.”

The drunken brute grumbles inarticulately under his breath, conceding the criticism as gracefully as he is able in his current state and position of authority.

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“When I admitted as such to my uncle and that I would like to see the issue resolved,” you continue weaving your tale to lure Bobby B into your plot, “he informed me that he is well acquainted with all manner of filth and grime beyond what's between a woman's legs; Tyrion Lannister is in charge of Casterly Rock's cisterns and drains. Father, I'm telling you, Casterly Rock's privies smell sweeter than the average street here in King's Landing and all of Flea Bottom. Tyrion offered to help manage our sewage and drainage with his own deft touch – as long as you appointed him to the Small Council as Master of Shit.”

Robert chortles once more as you finish your request with a joke. “No, no son – Master of Filth. It has to sound majestic and dignified. Master of Night Soil,” he brainstorms a third possible title for Tyrion's new job.

You laugh along with your legal father. “But it's a good idea, right? He's leaving tomorrow with Lord Tywin if we don't offer him a position."

The drunken man groans. “Ughhhh, last thing I need is another blonde shit lurking about the keep underfoot.”

“Well he's a small and stunted blonde shit,” you point out. “You'll miss him completely if you don't look down.”

The two of you laugh again at your dwarf joke made at Tyrion's expense.

“I truly believe the two of you will get along quite well, Father,” you assure the Protector of the Realm. “For his size, The Imp can really hold his drink and he has . . . an appetite for women you may appreciate.”

“Fine,” Robert relents. “But I better smell results, so unless Lannister farts smell like gold too, he'll have to do more than drink and whore while he fills his pockets with more coin he doesn't need from my kingdom.”

You bow to the King. “Thank you, father.”

>Go headpat Myrcella
>Go assure Cersei that Tyrion is actually a really cool guy. Eh fucks whores and doesn't afraid of anything.
>Go to bed, you're fucking tired
>Other (write-in)

>>4750829
>Go headpat Myrcella

>>4750829
>Go headpat Myrcella
>Take her aside to play Maester at some point, ply her with some wine.

>>4750829
>>Go to bed, you're fucking tired

>>4750829
>Go headpat Myrcella

>>4750829
>>Go headpat Myrcella

>>4750829
>Go headpat Myrcella
Since she has not given us a nameday gift, ask for a hug.

>>4750829
>HEADPAT
then
>bed

>>4750853
>ask for a hug
just a hug?

>>4750829
>>Go headpat Myrcella

>>4750829
>>Go headpat Myrcella

>>4750829
>>>Go headpat Myrcella
Yeah, the tide of things feels like this is best.

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If there are no more updates tonight good night Trick, don't let that bad Weiss and Benioff Grift pussy bite. Also I firmly believe that Trick is using Elsweyr QM as a sock puppet account, but that's just me.

>>4750829
>Go headpat Myrcella

>>4750942
Your assuming that Trick isn't my sock puppet anon.

>>4750942
Who's Trick?

I'm Elsweyr.

And, yeah, Myrcella headpatting wins the vote but I've got shit to do so next update will take a while.

>>4750970
Who's Trelscwek?

What other reforms are realistic in a short period of time for good returns in clout and the appearance of capability? Thinking in terms of months.

>>4751025
Forming a stronger guild system wherein the crown takes on expanses to train skilled works then after training they agree to work for lords who pay us back a cut.
A development of a department of interior development who is responsible for providing loans to lords to create profitable enterprises to boost crown revenue.

Establishment of a system of optical telegram towers for fast and more capable information transit.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Optical_telegraph

Purging balishe's pawns and taking everything he owns on grounds of embezzlement and corruption

Honestly few things can really be done over a handful of months

>>4751025
Are we limiting ourselves to Kings Landing or the Crownlands in general?

>>4750859
look naga im all for getting Elsweyr fucked by big black men, but that's a little girl /with the mind of a little girl/

>>4751025
Also given how little (10-25%) of taxes reach a central monarch we could have local tax collectors sends telegram reports of how much they collect and a second written report.
The release this information every year to allow the citizens to double check the map of local collectors and deter corruption.
Also public baths and toilets so people stop dumping shit in the streets and a civil fine to be out into place to stop this

>>4751046
Guilds could also be included in emergency militia drafts, butchers guilds, bakers guilds, so on and so forth. Not the whole guild taking to the battlefield of course, but say a portion of their apprentices being mustered would add up nicely.

A system of of administration for sellswords wouldn't be a bad idea either, registers, standardized contracts and all that.

What about food production or storage? Is there anything we could do to help alleviate the coming food shortages?

>>4750829
>>Go headpat Myrcella
Anyone not voting for this will be conscripted to help Tyrion with his plumbing.

>>4751057
Imp rather than risking skilled works a tax placed upon guilds to fund a larger and better trained local milita/royal army would be better.

A system for sells words could on a larger scale requiring all company's to get approval from the crown or local lord paramount to sell their services but trying to track individuals would be next to impossible.

>>4751067
Optical telegrams could allow for a basic stock market emergence allowing goods in a surplus to be more really directed to areas in a shortage.
also encouragement for either canals or real roads would be useful for the transit of goods.

While more advanced tech exists I am doubtful the autist we are would know about it

>>4751067
You mean other than tell the lords to stop being fucking retarded and stock their granaries properly?

I guess you could institute a mass-hunt and buy all of the game to smoke/salt/whatever that third preservation method that I can never remember is it for the coming shittery.

Of course only in some places, otherwise literally everywhere will be depleted rather quickly.

>>4751101
In their defence the long night might not be that long

>>4751084
>Imp rather than risking skilled works a tax placed upon guilds to fund a larger and better trained local milita/royal army would be better.
>A system for sells words could on a larger scale requiring all company's to get approval from the crown or local lord paramount to sell their services but trying to track individuals would be next to impossible.

Well, urban militias are kind of what I'm thinking about here, though I don't know how we'd really go about implementing it. Guilds and the merchant class are just about the only people we can reasonably expect to be able to arm themselves decently. Not for front line troops of course, but as a reserve or manning fortifications freeing up actual professional soldiers.

Perhaps as far as sellswords go, maybe we could look for a way to establish recruiters in the free cities? Not for whole companies, but a steady trickle of individuals and small bands. Could build a decent force of professionals up in Kings Landing over time.

>>4751101

Perhaps expanding or improving the fisheries in operation around the Crownlands?

>>4751122
While pretty much only guilds could produce the arms and armor need for militas but it might be more practical to have a unified common troop body made from farmers who serve 15-20 years at a time.

>>4751110
That's like buying a rifle in case of bear attacks but only buying one bullet because there aren't THAT many bears around.

>>4751122
>Perhaps expanding or improving the fisheries in operation around the Crownlands?
But fish are gross. I suppose it can't be helped. Open the royal wharf!

>mfw I want true roads but then google what they'd cost for a typical pre-renassaince medieval kingdom.

>>4751084
On a general timescale we'd need a wholly different form of economy for a stock market to emerge. Supply brokers (or Jobbers) can't exist alongside our current version of a system of high lords, and our lords won't have power if bank merchantry and jobbers become land owners or attempt to be primary supply distributors. We're, uh, a revolution in the peasant/serf labor dynamic away from those fiduciary developments.

For the comms I feel like most Lords are too paranoid to use them over ravens, so they'd be for simpler matters. Meaning it's difficult to get renown for a semaphore system unless it literally wins us a battle or exists between most major cities. Paying to create a useful number of them (city to city, south to north) is the only real barrier though, so it is possible.

>>4751101
We should tell them that. And if we want to do that, the first thing we'll do is we won't tell them that. We'll send inspectors to detail the buildings and their holdings. Instead of just getting their supply, which is what gets sent to Tywin on paper, we can say that the inspections we ordered showed that the granaries are inferior to current standards and prone to failure (both true and verifiable). Then instituting new granary standards or upgrades as needed as a policy for the safety of the kingdom will give us more recognition. Fines for any lord refusing to adhere to proper standards, as their job is to reliably keep their lands fed. Not only do troublesome lords get fined, their people also starve and they'll have to firesale the fuck out of their holdings (and any corruptly gained coin) if they want to survive as nobility or prevent mass starvation of the people directly around them. It's great!

>>4751122
Urban militias of people who are poor, couldn't previously feed themselves, and are on-contract to become front line soldiers would produce quick results in cleaning the streets. Worked for the U.S. and for Great Britain. Reduced crime way more than watchmen and allowed people that were poor but able to work an opportunity that wouldn't otherwise exist. Once again, it's just the cost we have to find ways to justify. We surely can think of something.

Though the idea that maniac Joffrey is now currently building an army of poor people might set off some alarms for certain individuals. On the other hand, if we do something extensive like beginning a true militia then we need to take credit for it, and control of it, so that our gain isn't tarnished by someone else getting them to do something irredeemably stupid, or worse; something good.

>>4751140
This anon has activated his brain pieces.

>Once again, it's just the cost we have to find ways to justify. We surely can think of something.
Just like any other business, start small. Do that in some of the shittier places to prove it works. Then everyone will go for it on their own. Who doesn't want less crime and better security in their lands after all?

>>4751140
Stock market could 100% exist alongside lords. Early history shows shares in companys dreading as far back as the classical romans however it did lack the larger persistent market to be considered as such.
And shares in future land produce in the form of a commodity market or allowing privet merchants and brokers to fund the creation of new enterprises like mines.
Also we do need to greater centralize power so moving it out of the hands of the lords and into the hands of a hopefully emerging bureaucracy to eliminate the risk of civil war.

Also even if we don't spread it to every township spreading to major cities and key forts would be enough.

Spreading it to market towns would enable less guessing in goods shipments and a greater sense of goods security.

>>4751140
>>4751179
Also westeros has like 8 cities across 8 kingdoms.
Really a basic level of civ development could just result in a stronger noble class if they get along with the times.

>>4751126
Well farmers need to be in the fields desu, forming a large standing army might not really be possible currently for that matter.

>>4751140

Well that's not really what an urban militia was, the idea being that freemen/non nobles of means were expected to maintain arms if they needed to be called up was more how it worked. Still, putting the poor and beggars into military forces still isn't a bad idea, but we might be better served using them in work projects. After all, we would have to feed, arm, clothe, quarter, and train them, at that point it wouldn't be a militia really. Not really a worthwhile expense while the crown is already so deeply in debt if you ask me.

>>4751179
>>4751192
Well then our challenge will be to get them to go along with it and payment. The Joffcom system rises!

>Optical telegraph
Seems expensive, and requires a lot of people to maintain, a simpler messenger system or just using flashing lights works probably better at a much lower cost.

>Forcing people to build better granaries and fining the nobles.
As if people don't hate us enough, this might send a few assassins' or saboteurs our way. Probably better to care for our own people and leave the rest to starve.

>Militia
This is just asking for armed uprisings and rebellions. If not against us than against local lords and rulers.

>>4750970
Trick its been 3 hours. Have you had to shit that bad?

>>4751244
We need more sauciness to get Trick to update at near 2AM.

>>4751194
>Still, putting the poor and beggars into military forces still isn't a bad idea, but we might be better served using them in work projects.
Work projects is probably the way to go imo. Improve a couple of highways, build some aquaducts for KL, bridge any rivers we can.
We'd need architects and mason for the skilled work but the poor could definitely contribute.

Do remember that the crown is 6 million dragons in debt.

>>4751291
Eh. Debt's a funny thing. A government runs on debt.

>>4751281
>aquaducts
Water towers and filtration are better imo.
Also the only real road is the kings road which is a dirt road and pretty shit so paving it could be good. Or gravel.
>>4751291
Yeah but at this point the only way out is through

>>4751297
>paving it could be good. Or gravel.
You'd probably want cobble. Lasts forever. Sware on me nan

>>4751281
desu better to have some work projects then enlist them the men will be stronger then

>>4751297
I found a city of shit and I left it as gold.

>>4751291
Centralised taxmen who answer directly to us instead of the lords who skim way too much of the top.

>>4751469
Oy very you really want to be deposed and not even have a civil war. That is infringing on the rights of lords. All of them.

Census on the other hand is totally kosher...

>>4751612
Fair enough.
But eventually we need a more centralised tax system.

>>4751469
>yes hello my vassals, you aren't paying me enough
>so this man is going to make sure you're paying me enough

>later...
>local taxmen found dead "It was a suicide" says witness covered in blood

>>4751622
Fair enough.

>>4751618
Not in our life time an thus not a problem.

I really like the premise, but it’s such a shame that it’s all at the expense of some dude that had a meltdown.

>>4751858
I didn't have a meltdown and neither did Trick

>>4751858
Nice try WhatIs, stay in your lane.

>>4751858
Pretty based desu

>>4751900
Based on what?

>>4751960
Based on desu

>>4750835
Wtf dude
You went to far with the coomer pedo stuff

>>4750835
cease your degeneracy

>>4751900
Lies

I wonder what Velo is up to these days? Do you think he lurks these quests?

>>4752063
I still hope velo will make a cameo in this quest

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Moving away from daddy dearest, you go find your cute little sister Myrcella, daintily eating a small portion of food with polite, ladylike table manners.

She notices you approaching and nervously gulps down whatever fare she was chewing by the time you come to a halt before her seat, happily beaming at her.

You reach out with your dominant right hand and pat her on the head again, relishing the silky feel of those golden curls which crown her cranium. “How is the Queen of Love and Beauty faring at my nameday feast?” you sweetly inquire.

The blonde princess blushes at your uncharacteristic positivity, your unabashed compliment cocooned within a reference to what happened at the joust and the gentle, repetitive touch of your finger tapping themselves on her scalp. “I'm doing well, brother,” she answers curtly.

“Thank you for speaking with mother about my change in attitude,” you tell her in earnest, not that Myrcella truly believes that to be the case, judging by the way her pretty, pink face blanches white in fear of what Joffrey's sadistic reprisal might possibly be for tattling on you to mother about her belief that everything about the new you is fake – which is a correct assessment, in a way. “We had a heart to heart about it while I got ready for supper. I think she and I bonded in a way we never really had before once we were able to articulate the truth with one another. You deserve all the credit for making that happen.”

Myrcella takes in a deep breath, narrowing her emerald eyes as she stares into yours defiantly. “What are you planning to do to me?” she bluntly asks.

“This!” you declare, bringing your hand back down upon her head to perform several more delicate headpats, causing your younger sibling to wince and scrunch her shoulders to her neck, too wary of this being a potential set up to relax around your performative, doting display of physical, brotherly affection. “And I plan to continue doing it forever and ever, Myrcella. Mark my words.”

As you finish uttering your promise, the feast all around you starts to reach its natural conclusion and most of the attendees start returning to wherever they're resting their heads for the night. Your birthday is nearing its natural end as the hour of the wolf approaches, the black shroud of night enveloping the Red Keep and all of King's Landing.

>Go to bed at the royal apartments so you can get a good night's rest before starting your training with Robert tomorrow
>Speak with Pycelle in his chambers beneath the rookery about a certain book
>Go to the Tower of the Hand to see Jon Arryn and speak with him about 'his' son
>Other (write-in)

>>4752271
>Speak with Pycelle in his chambers beneath the rookery about a certain book
Instead of hiding the book (with the risk of it being found) or destroying it (and potentially looking guilty) perhaps we can send it to Casterly Rock with Cersei, and she can conveniently leave it there on her return? Or just burn it idk.

>>4752271
>>Go to bed at the royal apartments so you can get a good night's rest before starting your training with Robert tomorrow

Best we don't disappoint

>>4752271
>Speak with Pycelle in his chambers beneath the rookery about a certain book

>>4752271
>>Speak with Pycelle in his chambers beneath the rookery about a certain book

>>4752271
>Speak with Pycelle in his chambers beneath the rookery about a certain book

>>4752271
>>Speak with Pycelle in his chambers beneath the rookery about a certain book

>>4752271
>Speak with Pycelle in his chambers beneath the rookery about a certain book

>>4752271
>>>Go to bed at the royal apartments so you can get a good night's rest before starting your training with Robert tomorrow

>>4752271
>Speak with Pycelle in his chambers beneath the rookery about a certain book

>>4752271
>Speak with Pycelle in his chambers beneath the rookery about a certain book

>>4752271
>>Speak with Pycelle in his chambers beneath the rookery about a certain book
We can use the book as proof for Jon too. Maybe spill some wine on the Baratheon section before we point out to him that Arryns aren't short and brown-haired but that his wife's childhood friend is.

>>4752271
>>Speak with Pycelle in his chambers beneath the rookery about a certain book

>>4752271
>>Speak with Pycelle in his chambers beneath the rookery about a certain book

>>4752291
Considering we are staying up late because of book autism...

>>4752580
I'm sure both will backfire

>>4752587
I hope so.

>>4752600
Anons were warned

>>4752606
When do anons ever listen to warnings in asoiaf quests? They always assume they will get everything their way and this is even more of a will fulfillment quest.

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After asking for directions from Sandor Clegane, you bid goodbye to the many sycophants and hangers-on wishing you a happy birthday and complimenting you on how wonderfully grandiose the celebrations were, as if you were the one responsible for all the effort invested into making it spectacular. Then you take your leave of the throne room, emerging into the warm, night air of late summer in the Crownlands, moon and starlight casting a shadow behind you in the form of the Hound – your constant companion even when you would consider yourself otherwise alone.

He silently follows along the path you weave across the cobblestones towards the rookery. A murder of crows squawks and chirps as you open the door into the building, their many gilded cages softly rattling from where they hang, lined with bird poop laden parchment.

You temporarily ignore the flock of black birds, descending from the noble perch of your messenger birds down below to where the Grand Maester lives, grimacing as your legs scream at you for afflicting them with more traversal of stairs.

You find Grand Maester Pycelle having just returned to his chamber only several moments before you entered. Sparse hair runs around the old maester's bald, spotted head and a long, snowy beard runs down to his chest and broad stomach over the red velvet robe he wears, affixed with an ermine collar and golden fastenings. He looks up at you with pale, rheumy eyes as you arrive upon his proverbial doorstep, affixing you with a smile – several teeth missing from Pycelle's small mouth.

“Good evening, your Grace,” the bald, wrinkly old man greets you with a shaky, arthritic bow, the two dozen heavy chains hanging off him, wound together and stretching from his neck to breast, clink softly as he moves his creaking old bones. The various metallic links symbolizing his esteemed scholarly position and many academic pursuits consist of brass, bronze, copper, iron, gold, lead, platinum, silver, steel and tin – the maester's chain itself decorated with amethysts, black pearls, emeralds, garnets and rubies. “It's been a joyous nameday, I hope.”

You smile back at him, nodding. “Yes it has, Pycelle.”

“Good!” he declares. “Then, what can I assist you with at so late an hour, Prince Joffrey?”

“I'm here to inquire about a tome in your possession, Grand Maester,” you explain to the Lannister puppet. “A book of lineages by Grand Maester Malleon, detailing the physical descriptions of many prominent noble families.

Pycelle quirks an eyebrow at your sudden and unexpected literary fascination, instinctively stroking his beard which hides the many warts upon his face. “I believe I recall having such a tome, your Grace. I fear you would find it of little interest, however. Tis a ponderous thing and Grand Maester Malleon was quite an unimaginative and droll scribe. The title alone would cause you to fall asleep, as well a growing boy should at this time of night.”

>Then give it to me so I can read it, as I have trouble sleeping. Consider it a nameday present.
>Burn the book right now Pycelle and tell no one about its existence nor my command for you to do so. My grandfather, Tywin, wishes it so.
>May I peruse it, Grand Maester? I'd like to look through it a little to check on something. [And maybe alter a few of the entries with a nearby quill]
>Actually, fuck the book - tell me of the poisons you keep on hand here, Pycelle. Do you have tears of Lys?
>Other (write-in)

>>4752634
>Then give it to me so I can read it, as I have trouble sleeping. Consider it a nameday present.
And don't log an entry in the record book.

>>4752644
support

Can he not doctor the book? I don't know how medieval books were bound. Though, I suppose Varys might end up changing it back if we do that.

>>4752634
>>Burn the book right now Pycelle and tell no one about its existence nor my command for you to do so. My grandfather, Tywin, wishes it so.

>>4752644
+1

>>4752644
+1

This should redirect the roads of three characters directly to us. That's what we want, right? Hmm.

>>4752644
+1

>>4752644
Supporting.

When we have time we should look at the Arryn page to see if there's a chance of proving if Sweetrobin is not Jon Arryn's son. Even if he can't be convinced, if he does die we can frame Lysa with it, and proceed with the Harry the Heir plan to destabilize the Vale.

>>4752693
>proceed with the Harry the Heir plan to destabilize the Vale
We're king of the Vale, why would we want it destabilized? Littlefinger wants it destabilized so he can rule behind the curtain. Ideally we'd marry Myrcella or Shireen to Harry and send some advisor of our choosing, maybe Tyrion, to help rule and undo Petyr's debt scheme.

>>4752644
Probably the best option

>>4752644
>>4752634
Support

Jesus Fuck what is up with this quest. It's like someone rang the retard dinner bell for every autist from here to /trash/. All the qm can do is jingle keys and hope the players follow. No solid goals apart from dicking mommy and praying medieval investigators don't know more than one way of skinning a lion.

>>4752634
May I peruse it, Grand Maester? I'd like to look through it a little to check on something. [And maybe alter a few of the entries with a nearby quill]

We're going to need that poison real fuckin soon at this rate

>>4752705
Well currently the heir is Sweetrobin and we know he'll live for a few years yet. As long he lives, Lysa will rule through him, allowing Littlefinger to manipulate her into doing things he wants. Finding him illegitimate will elevate Harry from the Heir to the actual Lord of the Vale when Jon dies. Hopefully quickly enough for him to lend us aid in whatever war ensues. I don't think we are in disagreement here over what needs to be done.

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>>4752741
>It's like someone rang the retard dinner bell for every autist from here to /trash/. All the qm can do is jingle keys and hope the players follow.

Ding, ding ding

SHAME!

>>4752741
Agreed. This is easily the dumbest playerbase I have ever encountered.

>>4752752
I've seen worse.

>>4752741
If you had a plan then why haven't you posted it 1000 posts ago? Sasuga lurker-kun. Everyone knows only the stupidest people can get their way with ambiguous input-lacking long term non-strats! In this battle of retards you have already lost.

>>4752752
First quest?

>>4752741
>>4752752

Share with the class why you believe the player base is behaving stupidly. It might elucidate a few things.

>>4752758
I'd genuinely like to see examples.

>>4752763
There have been sporadic plans. They just get swallowed beneath layers of filth. The objective seems to only be to get as many fanboi'd characters as possible to like us and call us a good boy. The co-qm laid that out in the original thread and anons are happy to stick by it. Seeking validation from pop culture characters in a quest format is the most amazingly pathetic thing I have ever seen. I stand in awe.

>>4752775
this mf be spitting.

>>4752775
Pfft wait until we orchestrate the north's response to the night king.
That's where the real clingy fanboying will rear it's head.

>>4752749
Might as well write up the degradation and exhibition pastebins now and get it over with.

>>4752763
I, thank god, wasn't here when whatever liquified the player's brains drove by. But now that I am let's see if we can work some non blood sacrifice magic. That or make the Balkens look like a picnic compared to Westeros after we're done with it.

>>4752782
>I, thank god, wasn't here when whatever liquified the player's brains drove by.

What do you think is the dumbest thing they've done so far?

>>4752775
I'd rather let sleeping cancer lie. Last thing you need is for the fags to hear themselves mentioned and show up to crash this party.

>>4752769
Sure. Why not?

1. Dick riding the npcs. Almost every single one of them aside from the siblings and maybe the Hound is either a direct threat or wildly incompetent. We should absolutely be looking to kill off every single one of them before they set the country on fire. Robert is the top of that list. Gank his ass and take the reigns and then blindside the entire council. Flat out. No making friends with these faggots.

2. This philosopher king gayness. Why? For what purpose? What a useless goal in this context. It doesn't fit the setting and everyone will think we are the next Baelor the Retard. We already have knowledge and physical strength is only useful for fanboying the one guy we need to kill first.

3. Raising taxes. Are you fuckers insane? Enjoy the rampant abuse and the hatred of a thousand bannermen who you rely on for military support. They'd soon crown Moonboy than a taxer.
4. Gunpowder anons: Fuck you. That is all.

>>4752787
>Last thing you need is for the fags to hear themselves mentioned and show up to crash this party.

Are you kidding? I love when WhatIsAQM drops by.

>>4752769

>Trying to knight under "Dad"
>Taking Gendry
>Talking to mom period
>Messing with the overarching plot at all before we are king

All we had to do was coast along with self improvement till we were king then put down a few rebellions

>>4752793
Yeah the Gendry thing is amazing. He's not even biologically related and there was nothing particularly interesting about him in the books beyond whose balls he came from. And that he has a better claim than us. Tell the Hound to kill him. Now.

>>4752789
I like how you write and your attitude.

>>4752786
Gendry could've laid. low let mom do most if not all the work. If people were concerned with the born of incest rumors all we needed to do was stop ned's eureka moment. Not bulldoz through the evidence like an elephant

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>>4752789
The point is to change things so much to the point that the QM gets twerked having to plug the largest of holes with his OC gluegun (it's not glue), amidst the panicking retardation that shall soon ensue, and therefore create a more responsive and intriguing environment for our unburied lead. The tampering thus far has ensured that unless fate corrects itself or we do a 180 our own character motivations have already destroyed a twelfth of the useful knowledge and predictability one can gain from the books.

This is good because it means suffering may become non-finite for all involved parties. You sound like you're actually playing to win. What a disgrace. I will support whatever plans you put forth thus far, just to show you how futile your ultimate "victory" shall be. You have my support in your inevitable and complete defeat, good anon.

>>4752790
You have no idea what horrors wait beneath the surface of the autism. I'm gonna go cry in the bathtub and try to forget.

>>4752808
The last vote was overwhelmingly:

>hey grand maester bro! It's the middle of the night? It's cool, I'm twelve now. Heh, we're total bros, right? Cool! I know I've never given a single shit about the written word before but do you have this very specific tome on lineages detailing physical descriptions. Oh! And totally don't tell anyone I asked for it! We're bros, right! *wink*

And just like that, the problem is solved! No way this can backfire and arouse any suspicions. I'm sure he'll cover for us.

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Would it really be a Joffrey quest if anons didn't go full retard in their quest to save the world and be the best Philosopher King™ and ended up doing more damage than the canon Joffrey?

>pic related: Varys' face when he finds out what the fuck Joffrey has been doing. Is he a genius? Is he a retard? Both?

>>4752820
It's perfect. It's going to direct the plotlines of three whole major characters directly from Pycelle to us. We're the main character and now they have to pay so much attention to us. Isn't that wonderful?

>>4752829
Considering the primary goal seems to be getting the most empty attention from Peter Dinklage and co, I'd say it's on point. My only hope now is that Elsweyr squints down at the pages and finds out he can't read a single fucking word of the written Westerosi language.

>>4752837
as hilarious as that would be, Joffrey's body would know how to speak, understand and read the language

>>4752820
The only chance I think we have now is to muddy the waters so fucking much. Let everybody who looks know something was obviously covered up but not something specific. Mess with absolutely everything and if that doesn't work. All I'm saying is if we have to burn down a library or two in up for it at this point

Little do the other anons know I’m voting retardedly on purpose because we’re absolutely fucked.

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>>4752837
This wasn't my original plan, but I'm entertained as fuck watching where it's going. Hope you don't puss out on the eventual consequences of our retardation, Trick. The lows will be as enjoyable as the highs. Prepare to become king of the Salt Throne.

>>4752863
>I was merely pretending to not be retarded retardedly
>for keikaku

I can feel my IQ growing from el osmosis.

Why are elitist hardcore /qst/ lurkers bitching about how non-optimized our run of the quest is in their opinion and not offering a compelling vote in place of what everyone is voting for?

If they think they can big brain the quest, then prove it and don't use hindsight as a way to flex "hurr hurr I told you so". No, you didn't, you just bitched about the playerbase and did nothing in attempt to fix the issues you have. Come up with a compelling vote or you are just as stupid as the player base you are "flexing" on.

>>4752870
Hit the nail right on the head

>>4752871
>Why are elitist hardcore /qst/ lurkers bitching about how non-optimized our run of the quest is
Because they think quests started on /qst/, probably.

>>4752871
>If they think they can big brain the quest, then prove it
Anon, you and I both know they won’t.

>>4752871
That's why I said I'll support whatever plans they have. They think they won't burn, but they all think that at first.

>>4752871
Make sure the king dies, preferably BEFORE he goes north and wraps the Starks into this. How? Poison him at the same time as Jon Arryn. Blame the entire council for it, Pycelle, Baelish, Varys. Stannis most of all. Execute them for it. They won't be missed.

How hard was that? But no, let's spar and carry around rival bastards in our pocket. That's productive.

>>4752908
oke. +1.

>>4752908
Win or lose is the mindset of people who fornicate with goats.

Real chads just enjoy the struggle.

Real chads also fornicate with goats they just don't need an excuse for it.

We're all goat fuckers.

>>4752908
Make a write-in then. Be the change you want to see, I sure would like to see this quest go somewhere other than a meme because I genuinely love asoiaf before the money grifting and the GRRM hack bullshit. There are similar guys in other quest that would do a majority of the votes with actually good and productive ideas, this quest is sorely lacking in that.

>>4752915
I thought the qm was a pony fucker?

>>4752922
A pony is just a big goat with round pupils.

>>4752908
Anon your plan will never work because iseaki quests and characters cannot plan more than a few in story hours ahead of time.
It never happens and never will.
They are driven by only passing interest and wildly overestimate themselves at every turn.

Alongside the ratcatchers guild what other sort of guild or organization could we form? Any ideas?

>>4752967
I want to drive all of the snakes off of Westeros. But we'll need a flute, first.

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“Then give it to me so I can read it,” you evenly order the Grand Maester. “as I have trouble sleeping.”

Grand Maester Pycelle frowns upon hearing your easily uttered demand. “W-what?” he asks, as if he simply didn't hear what you said due to the infirmities of his age. You know better than to indulge or acknowledge that performance.

“Consider it a nameday present, Pycelle,” you tell the doddering old man. “Fetch Grand Maester Malleon's tome and bring it here. To me.”

He stares at you a few moments longer before wavering beneath your unblinking, emerald gaze. “Y-yes, Your Grace,” the toadie obsequiously acquiesces, bowing again, before waddling off, his maester's chain chinking and clinking as he goes to his personal library of information, one bony finger trailing along the embossed lettering on the many hard covers of the books sitting upon his shelves.

You wait for a minute or two before Pycelle utters a short, stifled, “ah, there we are,” and groans in only slightly overacted exertion while removing a massive, old tome from its proper place, hefting the thing in both hands as he returns to his desk, dropping it on the wooden surface with a heavy thunk, exhausted by the effort.

Sure enough, you can easily read the cover since you've been well educated as any highborn lad should be, especially when they're heir to the throne. “The Lineages and Histories of the Great Houses of the Seven Kingdoms, With Descriptions of Many High Lords and Noble Ladies and Their Children by Grand Maester Malleon.

Bingo! “Excellent!” you pronounce, before returning your gaze to Pycelle's unattractive visage. “Oh and don't log an entry about this exchange in the record book, Grand Maester.”

“Your Grace?” he utters your title, slightly confused about the clandestine nature of your actions acquiring a simple history book.

“This gift can remain a secret between you and I, can't it? Lest others pester me to read it themselves if they discover it's in my possession.”

“What if another asks to borrow it, Your Grace?”

“Tell them you've lost track of the book and will search your quarters for it most thoroughly. I'm sure they'll forget about the request in time. I trust your judgment that it is ultimately quite the uninteresting tome. Good night, Pycelle.”

You pick the book up off the table, the muscles in your arms yearning for relief from the torture at being subjected to more heavy lifting.

“G-good night, Your Grace,” the Grand Maester replies as you turn around and leave his chambers, all four limbs now heavy as stone as you walk back up the stairs.

You and the Hound reach Maegor's Holdfast rather quickly, making it back to your princely bedchambers in the royal apartments unmolested, this time finding no uninvited visitors lurking inside as you arrive.

Servants have made your bed for you and you can feel your eyelids getting heavy.

>Go straight to bed
>Burn the book in your fireplace
>Read the book for funzies
>Peruse the tome, make a few edits in the Baratheon section
>Peruse the tome, check the Arryn section and make a few edits there
>Other (write-in)

>>4752983
>Other (write-in)
Look for a place to hide it, a loose floorboard or a locked cabinet.

>>4752998
+1

>>4752983
>>Go straight to bed

>>4752998
That would imply that we are trying to hide something, now wouldn't it?

>>4752983
>Burn the book in your fireplace

>>4752998
Oh my god. Stop.

>>4752998
+1
After that.
Hit the sack hard.

>>4752983
>Go straight to bed
>heavily reconsider your recent life choices

>>4752983
>>Peruse the tome, check the Arryn section and make a few edits there

Why are we keeping evidence? Why are we making it look like evidence? Why? Spiders crawl under floorboards.

>>4753010
Up yours

>>4753010
>>4752983
Support burning the book. Oops I was playing with it and very Joffrey like chucked it at the fireplace. So funny teehee. Its not that hard guys...

>>4753023
I guess this is what happens when the elitist name calls everyone and makes himself out to be a whiner. Can't say I blame the anons for going for meme choices now.

>>4753034
Aren't like 6 people using this name? I'm fine with meme choices as well. I just don't understand the willful stupidity of writing in worse plans than the prompt.

>>4753010
Fuck it yeah, I'm changing to burning the book.

>>4753030
"that stupid book was so boring"

>>4753066
>"The book said I had a weak chin. So I burned it."

>>4752983
>>4753018
>>4753010
changing

>>4752983
Burn the book in your fireplace

>>4752983
>Read the book for funzies
>>4752998
+1

who do some want to burn it?

>>4753096
I don't condone this post

>>4753096
Why keep it when you can just get rid of it with an in character excuse?

>>4753101
To burn it later in a less conspicuous place than our own fucking room.

>>4753106
Joffrey is crazy for a reason y'know. For all anyone knows he had a crazy episode again, this isn't the time to be a goodie goodie right now.

>>4753106
Are we banned from burning things in our fireplace? What is a less conspicuous location?

>>4753115
Well you see there is this spot in the woods super hard to find that everyone for some reason knows about and they burn babies and shit there

so that sounds like a nice starting point

>Burn the book in your fireplace

burn the motherfucker

Why are there so many Elsweyr impostors?