OH SHIT NIGGA, you are SHOTASNIFFER. Eldest daughter of the skeleton villain LOLISNIFFER. After a long and arduous succesion war against your siblings, you now claim ownership of your family's island, as the leader of the UNITED SHOTA SNIFFING REPULIC.From here, you shall spread your skeletal power accross the globe and dominate the world!Due to a series of shenanigans and misunderstandings, you found yourself accidentally saving the day multiple times. To the point that the Hero Association mistook you for an actual super hero. They're even throwing an award ceremony in your honor!But there is a silver lining! This event is the perfect chance for you to take down a large number of heroes in one fell swoop! The preparations are in place, now you only need to attend the ceremony with your siblings/underlings and wait for the perfect time to strike.
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>4613861Bomb time!!!
>>4613864"The Bomb is ready. Now we just need to get it over there to the hero convention center"
Rolled 15 (1d100)Ice Cream first.>>4613867
>>4613868"Right, of course. Ice cream first"
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>4613870Meanwhile at the moon base, A rebellion is taking place.
>>4613876A rebellion>! On the moonbase?! What could be the cause? A traitor in our ranks? Or is the the surviving goons of the supervillains you took down is looking to take over since all the USSR heavy hitters have returned to Earth?
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>4613879Someone took the last boston cream and nobody is willing to fess up
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>4613879Both.
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>4613882+1
>>4613882Of course! The most vile monster of all!An asshole who would raid the company fridge and lie about it!
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>4613889And ' teaming up with the goons on the moon to steal even more boston creams.
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>4613894Damn, With a name like that we should start a satirical yet still very catchy rap band.
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>4613895+1
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>4613894We don't have time for this, send the guy who got his head stuck in a flower pot to the moon base to deal with it
>>4613895Rap career prospects will have to wait, the alarm's been activated. Seems like the rest of the base has discovered the disappearance of the last Boston Cream
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>4613901Lets get this rebellion started then.
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>4613909Lets check on the main gang down on earth.
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>4613909Yeah let’s see the festival
>>4613915"It's less of a festival and more like a big gala event. Except that everyone has a costume on. And also super powers"
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>4613926"Wait when's the bomb gonna go off again?"
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>4613926There ARE air fresheners installed to mask the overwhelming smell of spandex, right?
>>4613928"It's not on a timer""It goes off when you want it to, sis"
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>4613939Lets detonate it now.
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>4613946Rolling to do the exact opposite of that because it's probably still on the blimp
>>4613950Wait did we not plant it yet?
>>4613951"No we didn't. We've only completed the thing a few hours ago" "The plan was to have you attend the ceremony as basically a distraction while our blimp hovers above to either drop it or plant it"
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>4613939 let’s plant the bomb before detonating it
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>4613953Ok, does that involve a speech or something?
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>4613953Fuck you, Sonic! You owe me five bucks... and a baker's dozen Boston Creams!
>>4613959"Most definitely. Hope you got something prepared"And since I gotta go now. We'll continue this later. Probably sooner than tonight, or sumthing. By then surely Shotasniffer would have a speech ready.Surelyupdates n shit https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>4613967"Hello spandex clad exhibitionists. It is good to be a hero or something, but you're all terrible people flashing your meat bulges at innocent....cute...little...boys.
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>4613967If we bore them to sleep with a flilibustering soliloquy, we'll be able to GTFO and drop the bomb while they're vulnerable.
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>4613982>>4614100Why not both?
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>4614105Support
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>4613967>>4613982Wait. Does this mean we can apply to have a shota \sidekick if we keep up with the hero jazz?
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>4615044>>4613967>>4613982Perhaps
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>4615086I'M. FINE.
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>4615086"Hey are you three alright there?"
>>4615088"Uh yeah, she's just....shy. NEver given a speech to....other heroes before. Yea"
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>4615092"Well I just came to tell you all that her speech is in ten minutes."
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>4615092Heroes applaud Shotasniffer for her modesty.>>4615093
>>4615093"Hey, is she okay yet? She's up in 10 minutes"
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>4615100"No good, she's in PTSD mode again."
>>4615102"Well that's not good, what are we gonna do now? YOu got any ideas, bro?"
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>4615105"Get one of us to entertain the heroes while the rest snap her out of it with Dad's remedy for Sis's trauma episodes."
>>4615107"Well okay....so uh, who's it gonna be?"
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>4615114Someone who would do anything to be relevant again.So Quattro.
>>4615115MEANWHILE, ON THE BLIMP RIGHT ABOVE THE CONVENTION CENTER"What?! A chance for me to shine?!"
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>4615123"Better than that! A chance to have Betty be proud of you!"
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>4615123"Just get down here as soon as you can Quattro, Sis is having an episode."
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>4615133>>4615128
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>4615134>>4615133+1
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>4615144"QUATTRO AWAY"
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>4615148And he lands on the stage in a backflip.
Rolled 81, 12 = 93 (2d100)>>4615148>>4615152
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>4615148>>4615152and does a very cool pose after he lands.
Rolled 92, 51 = 143 (2d100)>>4615148>
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>4615162"So he's the comedy act?""Yep."
>>4615163*awkward pity laughter**loud coughing*
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>4615169Bobby in a cage cheers
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>4615169Quattro realizes this is serious and musters up the courage to make a real speech
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>4615169"What's the deal with gravity?"
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>4615176Can Quattro prevail?!Roll 2d100 and also write out his speech
Rolled 37, 88 = 125 (2d100)>>4615184"Hi, my name is Quattro"Bobby at least cheers for him
Rolled 97, 75 = 172 (2d100)>>4615180>>4615184Then an ethereal laugh track plays for like 6 whole minutes.
>>4615188>off by onereally sums up Quattro's life
>>4615188A laugh track did indeed played for 6 whole minutes. But the audience wasn't fooled. In fact after about 30 seconds the laugh track glitched out and it sounded more like a pity giggle more than a laugh.For 6 whole long, excruciatingly embarrassing minutes
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>4615195What’s the blimp up to?
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>4615195Bobby did cheer for you though, from his cage
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>4615195"Please laugh, My life is mostly failure after failure, This is the least you can do for me."
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>4615201Please clap jeb.jpg
>>4615197"This....is painful""It's even worse than his last stand-up attempt at thanksgiving""...You guys think we should record it? So we can bully him later?"
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>4615209"Hey Chosen one? I might have some bad news."
>>4615210"hrrkk....ahem....yeah Quattro? Wassup?"
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>4615214"There seems to be a giant demonic Jerry Seinfeld manifesting in here."
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>4615214"I just realized I was the only one piloting the blimp"
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>4615214Some of the comedy heroes are getting suspicious... cause your jokes are that bad
>>4615217"pfffttt....a what now?"
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>4615227And now it’s trapping everyone inside the building— sorry Quattro, looks like you’re getting diseased.
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>4615227"Oh wait now that I look at it its more of giant clown thing, Whatever it is its come for me screaming about me being an affront to comedy and how I must be destroyed.".
>>4615230"excuse me whaaaat"[AGGRESSIVE HONKING]
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>4615233DROP THE FUCKING BOMB ALREADY TO DESTROY THAT ABOMINATION (and the heroes.)
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>4615233We need to call the Republic of Mimes stat
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>4615233>>4615234>>4615235Do both of theses things.
>>4615235"Quick, do we have them on speed dial?""I mean, there's a bunch of heroes down there, they can deal with it themselves"
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>4615244"Also all the heroes got absorbed into the clown thing, Sorry if I forgot to mention that."
>>4615246"Perhaps it's related to its space warping pow----""Hello? Quattro""Shit"
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>4615246"Wait, so did all the heroes combine into the clown or did they all get killed by the clown absorbing them?"
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>4615244Drop bomb
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>4615247Quattro got buried under some rubble, while the heroes are scrambling to take down the mad clown.
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>4615247Quattro gets teleported to the bad comedian dimension.
>>4615251When the clown warped into the room, it absorbed the heroes in the audience into itself, some managed to be out of range and are now scrambling to take it down. If the clown is destroyed, then the captured heroes would be released. Oh and Quattro's trapped under some rubble."You know, this is not what I expected we'll be dealing with when I woke up this morning"
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>4615256Meanwhile Rasputin try's to snap Shota sniffer out of her trance.
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>4615256“Why can’t you be like your siblings, Quattro? They would’ve had this eldritch clown monster down in a second.” ~voice in Quattro’s head
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>4615258It's going about as well as you'd expect
>>4615258"Damnit, still not working.....what's with all the noise out there? Betty! The hell's going outside?""Uhhhhh"
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>4615272Wake— slap — the frig— slap—up!!!!
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>4615272"Nothing lets just leave as fast as we can."
>>4615277Changing to this— leave and drop the bomb.
>>4615272Do we even need the bomb if this clown is killing the heroes?
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>4615272We interrupt this program to bring you what's happening in Shotasniffer's mind
>>4615281More chaos, the merrier.
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>4615287NOT THE BEST OPTION
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>4615287Let’s just drag her back to the zeppelin and leave Quattro
>>4615289Its the only option we currently have other then running.
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>4615287>>4615289There must be a shota hero in the audience whoc can revive her?!
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>4615287Just hightail it out of here.
>>4615289"Damnit. You're right, Betty. Got any ideas?""Uh...."A. "You stay here, bro. I'll go out and solve the commotion while you try and wake big sis up"B. "Lemme try waking her up, you go out there and punch the commotion to death"C. "This plan's a bust, let's scram"D. "Everything's gone tits up, let's just drop the bomb and get outta here"E. "We should make out"
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>4615306D for defiantly this one.
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>4615306E is tempting but I pick F because making sure Quattro isn't dead is a high priority>>4615313Lol
>>4615318Of course!F. Give OP all your money
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>4615325>>4615313Let me try this again.
>>4615326"Alright, let's drop the bomb and get outta here. You sure we're not forgetting anything?""Absolutely"
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>4615334Just leg it, Quattro has been through worse I think, He'll be fine.
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>4615334Good thing exactly two superheroes didn't lock their motorcycles for just such an occasion
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>4615339+1
>>4615349>>4615343Meant to link both of these
>>4615351>>4615343>>4615339And so Rasputin contact the blimp to drop the bomb. Will it cause the heroes to turn into pants shitting berserker pseudo zombos? Will the clown kill everyone? Will Quattro survive? All these questions will be answered....in the next session. About 20 hours from now. OP gotta gooooooupdates be here : https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>4615357Shotasniffer gotta wake upWhat if the clown at the little boy sidekicks?
MISSING: Quattro's dignityA sandwichOP
>>4617447Quattros dignity never really existed in the first place.
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>4615357When’s it disease time?
I actually got drafted into the military and you guys still haven't finished this yet. Give me a quick rundown
>>4617596We made a bomb that turns people into pseudo zombies that shit themselves.
>>4617600So, we're gonna have a giant zombie clown shitting out Heroes who then have to fight said giant zombie clown?Um. I'm actually quite sure that we'll both get hero credit for saving the day while also not having that specifics spread around due to all the heroes having been pooped out of a clown.
>>4617793We'll see laterBy which I mean now
Rolled 94 (1d100)LET'S DROP THE BOMB!!!
Where the hell is OP.
>>4618558Taking a shit
>>4618581Oh sorry pal.
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>4618581Must have been big
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>4618642Let's see how Marian is doing.
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>4618658Finally.
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>4618658Ok let's see how the bomb-drop crew is doing.Also are Betty and Rasputin escaping?
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>4618658damnit marian you had one job to guard the bomb and you blew it
>>4618666>blew itReally anon? Such a terrible pun, at this time?
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>4618673Shut up your supposed yo be dead.
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>4618688Where's the bomb then, we're supposed to drop it
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>4618688Git back in yah hole ye skeletal bastard.
>>4618688Let's drop that bomb
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>4618688Don't fucking look at me like that, you're the one who died
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>4618695forgot my roll
>>4618692Marian goes back to directing his newly created robot to find the infiltrator from the last episode. The infiltrator that got in and spray painted a smiley face onto the bomb.
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>4618707The robot proceeds to search... like a good robot.
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>4618707BEHIND YOU MARIAN
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>4618707And worst of all, he could be any one of us!
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>4618713OH SHIT WHAT'S BEHIND HIM?ROL 2d100
Rolled 20, 84 = 104 (2d100)>>4618725The bomb, obviously
Rolled 69, 15 = 84 (2d100)>>4618725Must be my imagination
Rolled 86, 80 = 166 (2d100)>>4618725Okay.
Rolled 45, 77 = 122 (2d100)>>4618725Mom
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>4618725>>4618729
>>4618734Just a box
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>4618749Out spring's a funny murder bot.
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>4618749Get suspicious... who's in the box?
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>4618749box of cocks
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>4618749What box?
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>4618780Sudden ambush from behind
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>4618780"Beep boop I your creation have gained a conscience."
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>4618784+1why does this seem familiar?
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>4618782OH SHIT
Rolled 77, 45 = 122 (2d100)>>4618816"Hug me father."
Rolled 88, 19 = 107 (2d100)>>4618816>>4618818
>>4618822Ohs hit he's KO'd
Rolled 46, 60 = 106 (2d100)>>4618816>>4618818>>4618817
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>4618827Hopefully the infiltrator has the courtesy to dump his unconscious body in anything other than a dumpster
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>4618827Let's see what Marians robo son is doing.
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>4618827>>4618832Or out the blimp
>>4618836Well, hopefully he's not that much of an asshole and would leave Marian with SOME dignity
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>4618840"Who said it was a he, dude?"
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>4618841>>4618818I would think Father was a he ... unless?
>>4618846Lolisniffer is too busy fighting his mom.Also why would he do that when he could just take out the whole blimp with a rocket launcher.
>>4618841DUN DUN DUNCOULD IT BE?! AUNTIE MURDERBONES IS A TRAITOR?!
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>4618851Nnnooooo!!! Say it ain't soooooo!!!
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>4618851Meanwhile at the moon base. "How the fuck was our rebellion successful?"
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>4618851>>4618854Taking out our "heroes" WOULD bring her right up in the villain standings.Also the smiley face on the bomb was a clue.
>>4618854Okay, it aint so
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>4618858>>4618855
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>4618858>>4618857
>>4618862She DID seem to conveniently appear just when you needed someone with chemical weapons expertise. Almost as if...she was watching your movements.....
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>4618866Do a victory dance.
>>4618871Please ignore this.
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>4618866I don't even care if Auntie Murderbones is a traitor-- I just want that bomb dropped already.
>>4618874LET HER DROP THE BOMB ALREADY!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111URAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>4618876Nah
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>4618890Let's see how that rebellion is going.
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>4618890Well OP, is blue your favorite color?
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>4618890YOU... you're a dickwad. I mean that in jest.THAT WAS MY BRAIN CHILD. I MUST SEE THE FRUITS OF MY MAD GENIUS.
>>4618899Don't worry, the bomb will detonate in the end
>>4618891Blueball it is then
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>4618907Has Shotasniffer woken up yet
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>4618907Betty and Rasputin are escaping?
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>4618907"Mister Jeffries, we have taken control of the moonbase from the USSR loyalists."
>>4618907LMAO gEHXMwqN seething
>>4618913WHO'S CRYING?!! CERTAINLY I'M NOT.Kindly eat a turd.
>>4618910Yes they ar--waitasec. You're just tryna head back to the bomb aren;t chu
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>4618929Nah, bomb won't drop until later, also did Shotasniffer wake up
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>4618929Just go back to the bomb so we can wrap this shit up.
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>4618929I wanna see a badass motorcycle evasion scene.
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>4618929No I just want to prevent deathUnless there's a "blueball r6S+gJ2K" button down there you're about to push
>>4618935YesIn about 5 hours.OP gotta go do some shit
>>4618951Oh gosh darnit I missed it.Stardrive 2 got an update, and I got sucked back in to building ships.
>>46189515 hours have passed
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>4619171yuh huh
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>4619173get back to the running away
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>4619180Get blocked by rainbow guy pleading for your help
>>4619181"Ah! Shotasniffer's people! Good thing you made it out okay! Quick! We need to take down the clown monster to save the gala!"
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>4619189"Also there are little boys and girls in there who are scared of clowns-"
>>4619192"Are crap she's getting agitated""Pardon?""Erm...nevermind"
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>4619200"Uh yeah...we gotta-"incoming transmission in secret channel tells Rasputin that they can't deploy the bomb since they got locked out
>>4619201"UH, bro. We, uh, can't drop the bomb right now. We're currently locked out of the system"".....elaborate"
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>4619206"Well, we found Marian in a closet and he was supposed to guard the damn thing."
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>4619210"Also someone's been spraypainting inside the blimp with smiley faces, shit and insults""They even spray painted GAY on Marian's face."
>>4619213"Well then sort it out first then. We'll worry about dropping the bomb later. Just get everything under control and find out where the bomb is first"
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>4619217"Uh bro, Sis's waking up."
>>4619220"Sis! You....don't look so well"
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>4619225"Sis, we just need to get-WHY ARE YOU RUNNING TO THE STAGE"
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>4619233*massive violence and choked airhorn noises*
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>4619233The clown football hucks shotasniffer two blocks down.
>>4619234"She does realize that this doesn't help with the whole trying to be a villain thing right""No. No she doesn't. In fact I don't think she's aware of anything right now"
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>4619240"At least one person is booing her.""That's Bobby in a cage.""Oh."
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>4619240The bomb suddenly crashes throw the very nice glass ceiling.
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>4619245OH SHIT
Rolled 27, 60 = 87 (2d100)>>4619249
Rolled 59, 60 = 119 (2d100)>>4619249Okay.
>>4619250>>4619251"BRO! LOOK! THE BOMB!""The blimp hasn't contacted us, this can't be their doing""What do we do?!"
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>4619253"Just fucking run like hell!"
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>4619253WE DON'T HAVE TIME, HIDE
>>4619256"QUICK! BRO! WE NEED TO FIND COVER!"In that split second, what will Rasputin do?A. Jump into cover with BettyB. Use superior speed and skill to grab the bomb outta the air, preventing it from making impact and explodingC. Open up a void portal with his powers and let the bomb fall in thereD. Same thing as C but throw the clown in there too
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>4619257A.
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>4619257D
>>4619260*extremely distressed honk*
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>4619268Everybody cheers except for Bobby
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>4619268Meanwhile in the void, Mark and Milton get a new guest.
>>4619270"CRISIS AVERTED!""YEAH! GOOD THING OUR FUCK UP WAS SOLVED BY SOMEBODY ELSE!"
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>4619280"Wait, wasn't the bomb supposed to detonate here?""Oh.""Fuck that was a bigger fuck up."
>>4619282"Oh well, uh....maybe if we can find out who sabotaged us, we'd make it up for the first fuck up?""Yeah maybe""Fucking let's go then"MEANWHILE, DOWN ON THE GROUND"Rasputin! You and your sister saved the day! My hero""All in a day's work...wait a minute, that's not what I'm supposed to be. Fuck"
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>4619296Maybe if we try to be heroic then we might do something evil for once
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>4619296"You seem to be enjoying it, bro, and now sis has to give the speech."
>>4619301"You enjoy mocking me, Betty?""....a lil, yea"
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>4619308Meanwhile at the newly independent moonbase.
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>4619308We should try another approach, because doing crimes clearly isn't working
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>4619308Back to mocking Quattro then
>>4619318"Hey Quattro....Nice job. Ehehehe""b-bbbeetty? I-is that you?"
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>4619326What's Bob up to.
>>4619329Bob's dead and I killed him
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>4619326"Yes, and as a reward, I'll let you off this once for giving me footage."
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>4619334F Bob, gone and kinda forgotten
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>4619334Murdered by OP, the true villainAlso Betty now has embarassing footage of Quattro to share on the internet
>>4619336Yeah! Fuck Bob! I don't even know which Bob it is that died! We have too many Bobs!"bbb---beeettty...please....help me. Get me... outtt of this rubble,....please"
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>4619345Aw help him Betty, or you will be grounded
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>4619345Meanwhile at the blimp."What do you mean the moonbase declared independence from the USSR."
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>4619345Sure...as soon as I finish recording your embarassment.
>>4619353MEanwhile, Shotasniffer is having another crisis. The bombing's gone sideways and the heroes are now even more convinced of the USSR's heroism. And she's gotta make a big speech too!
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>4619359Meanwhile in the moonbase..."Guys what are we even fighting for?""WHO CARES THE CINNAMON ROLL HERETICS ARE MAKING THEIR PUSH FROM THE KITCHENS."
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>4619359Meanwhile at the moonbase the failsafe to blow it up activated.
>>4619365>>4619362"WARNING: SELF DESTRUCT ACTIVATED""THIS IS IT BOYS. IT'S DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR! LONG LIVE THE CREAM!""DEATH TO THE CINNAMON!"
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>4619389"Self destruct aborted because this place was expensive as hell so why the hell would I actually put in this failsafe, also maple glaze is the best."
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>4619389"Did you fucks actually decide to activate the self-destruct over bread.""YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND BRO, ONCE THE SAUSAGE ROLL SEPARATISTS TOOK OVER THE LIVING ROOM THERE WAS NO TURNING BACK!"
>>4619393"THE BLT ALLIANCE WILL HAVE YOUR HEADS""PB n J FOREVER, HERETICS"..."......yeah. Yeah. We need to send somebody up there quick"
>>4619400Send up Marian, they'll unite in their hatred and mockery of him and he's useless here anyway.
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>4619400>>4619406Also, if Rasputin finds out they're dead anyway
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>4619400"Please do, Bob is currently trying to disable the bombs planted around the place while Bob is trying to stop the rye mafia from decompressing this place.
>>4619407"Luke""Yeah?""Get Marian from the closet. We gotta send him up to the moon. Shit's going tits up, and if any of the higher command finds out, we're fucked""Gotcha"
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>4619424Meanwhile Bob talks to Bob about arranging a funeral for Bob.
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>4619424"Jeanne, let's find the traitor....Jeanne?"Cut to Jeanne"HOW THE FUCK DID I END UP OUTSIDE THE BLIMP"
>>4619429"HOW DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN"
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>4619440That looks more like a desert than a blimp.
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>4619440Likely traitor pushed us off
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>4619440"Sorry girlie, but I kinda have to bring you up there to kick you off all epic-style""WHA-"
>>4619442YOU look more like a desert than a blimp
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>4619448>>4619445>>4619444Traitor kicks her off the blimp
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>4619440Not a total failiure. Did you forget how many heroes died being absorbed by Clown-Sama?! Mission accomplished. We killed heroes AND remained undercover.I wonder if we kill even more heroes if Quatro does comedy again?
>>4619458They were probably weak and generic heroes
>>4619458Also they're not dead, just stuck inside him.Forever.With the shit bomb detonating on them
>>4619453"Radical""AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"WILL JEANNE BE SAVED?! WILL THE TRAITOR GET CAUGHT?! FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON SKELETON ISLAND 20. TOMORROW!updates be herE:https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>4619470Super Shit Zombie Void Adventures. Coming to a thread near you. Never
>>4619475Inside a Clown.
Oh hey, howabout that bomb—......>tfw
>>4619471we now go back to your program
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>4620738rip anon's hopes and dreams
Also thred in 24 ish hours.t I got stuck at work
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>4619471Does this mean our red cloaked bro has a girl friend? Time to make fun of him.Rasputin and the hero sittin inna treeK-I-S-S-I-N-G
>>462074024 hours done
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>4621951"Fucking traitor."
>>4621952Yes but also consider
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>4621955Back to Jeanne falling
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>4621964"AAAAAAAAAAAAA SOMEONE SAVE ME"
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>4621966QUICK ROLL THE DICE
Rolled 49, 65 = 114 (2d100)>>4621971
Rolled 93, 77 = 170 (2d100)>>4621971Get saved by someone
>>4621973Alright. You get to choose. Who is this someone?A hero? One of the siblings? SOmebody else?
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>4621974Someone who she doesn't expect at all.So the heroine in love with Rasputin
>>4621977"Don't worry. I got you""WHAT THE FUCK"
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>4621985Mutter curses
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>4621985Meanwhile Betty makes the heroes laugh by highlighting Quattro's failures.
>>4621988"...and here's another shot of him being crushed under rubble while everybody else fights"[Rapturous Laughter]
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>4621992"Hey, at least she's happy for something you did."
>>4621993"You're just saying that so I'd feel better""I mean. I am. But the point still stands. This is providing ample distraction so that Shotasniffer can work on her speech"
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>4621996"What about the heroes you accidentally banished to the void with the clown.""Rainbowman told me this happens often and dozens on people are lost to crimes against comedy every year."
>>4621997"Wait, really?""Yeah. The heroes and villains open mic night, worst massacre in the history of the city. And that includes that time literal Satan came to Earth and took over"
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>4622001"Wait, the heroes and villains actually had an open mic night together?""It was going well. Then the comedy acts started."
>>4622006"The blood spilled put the prospects of heroes teaming up with villains on hold for several generations"
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>4622001So how do we know that the influx of poo in the void won't destabilize it?Also Quattro must paper-bag his head to hide the shame.
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>4622011"Team up? What threat would make the heroes and villains team up?">>4622013
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>4622013>>4622011
>>4622014"Eh, depends. Usually it's some sort of chaotic threat that would destroy both the villains and heroes indiscriminately. BUt after that open mic night. Whenever such a threat would arise, heroes and villains were content to deal with it in their own way, no team ups. Which usually leads to more casualties than needed."
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>4622021Cut to Shotasniffer preparing her speech
>>4622023Lessee here, it's been at least an hour since the Clown disaster was resolved. Surely a whole speech is ready?
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>4622027"Way too little anime references."Jeanne, we don't-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>4622027According to all known lawsof aviation, there is no way a beeshould be able to fly. Its wings are too small to getits fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't carewhat humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow!Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry?- Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening?- I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your fatherpaid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate.We're very proud of you, son."dafuq is this?"
>>4622028"We have a traitor up on the blimp. They pushed me"
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>4622033"BOBBY-""No. And please don't ask how I got down safely. I don't want to talk about it."
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>4622041+1
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>4622044"Hey guys-- where's Rasputin~~??"
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>4622044>>4622045
>>4622047"Also when are you gonna be on stage, Shotasniffer? We have a party after the ceremony.....also, completely unrelated and with no ulterior motives, is Rasputin free for the night? Just asking"
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>4622052"Oh and another of your siblings fell from the sky, just rescued her."
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>4622053+1
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>4622065"What happe-""Threw me out a window."Can the both of you help check my speech at least?
>>4622071"Well, I'll leave you all to it then. Imma go and mack on your brother--Ahem, I mean......yeah I'm gonna go mack on your brother. Bye"
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>4622071>>4622052+1"Who tf wrote this garbage?"
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>4622073>>4622074
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>4622074>>4622073
>>4622079"Like holy shit sis, you gotta fire your speech writer""Yeah, I kinda wanna jump off the blimp myself reading this"
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>4622087"Okay, we just gotta cross out this crap, add some hero-ey garbage here, and then--""HEY SHOTASNIFFER-- TIME FOR YOUR BIG HERO SPEECH!!!"
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>4622087>>4622088Cut to Luke being thrown out of the blimp.
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>4622091>>4622092
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>4622092"SHOTASNIFFER IT'S TIME!!!""I don't wanna.""Speech! Speech! Speech!""REEeEEEEEEEEEeeeeeEEEEEEE!!!!"also this >>4622093
>>4622093As Luke tumbles towards the ground, the heroes call for Shotasniffer to finally make the speech. And OP gotta go. We'll continue tomorrow. Same-ish starting time. toodleshttps://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>4619665This is what happens when there is NOOOO backup plan.
>>4622163remember that feces has compounds that are capable of opening inter-dimensional voids.there's still hope!there's an infected clown infected with at least a few dozen hero-powers that is waiting to break freethe day of the clown-reckoning is at hand.Maybe Marian and Quattro can use it as an opportunity to become relevant again.
>>4622174Makes sense. Fight fire with fire.Or in this case, fight a clown with clowns.
>>4622256>inb4 we defeat said clown and become the best heroes in history
>>4623382Not tonight 'm afraid
>>4623385how about now
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>4622102Rasputin gotta take that heroine to the bone zone
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>4626340cocaína
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>4626358SPEECH TIME
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>4626358she proceeds to do a quick recap for the viewers who havent been there in a while
>>4626366Well long story short, after accidentally saving the city from a giant blob monster who was actually Bobby. Shotasniffer was once again mistaken for a hero and was invited to an award ceremony. Seeing an opportunity, the USSR planned to bomb the gala with a virus, but that went tits up when a interdimensional clown invaded in response to Quattro's terrible comedy. Rasputin threw both the clown and the bomb into the void and now the heroes are even more convinced of their heroism.And it's Shotasniffer's turn to give her award acceptance speech
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>4626374Meanwhile, Luke gets saved by the heroine and starts praising her.Ken gets ignored after he got thrown off.
>>4626379+1 But there's bad obscure 90's music playing in the backround. Really loudly.
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>4626382>>4626374
>>4626383"You know what bro. That new girlfriend of yours. She's alright""She's not my girlfriend""Whatever you say bro, lol"
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>4626393"Ow."
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>4626395"Oh hey Luke"
>>4626395"KEN! Are you okay?!""no"
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>4626402"So who's left?"
>>4626405MEANWHILE, BACK ON THE BLIMP"Huh, wonder why it's so quiet all of a sudden"
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>4626411time for nightly nightly
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>4626411*The sound of 90's music gets progressively closer*"Huh? What was that?!"
Rolled 83 (1d100)Am I late? Has OP died already?
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>4626421It suddenly stops.
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>4626421GO GO POWER RANGERS
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>4626421"WHAT'S NEW SCOOBY DOOWE'RE COMING AFTER YOUYOU'RE GONNA SOLVE THAT MYSTERY""Oh no, they mixed up the early 2000's music and the 90's music"
>>4626423"Something's fishy goin' on here..."
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>4626429>>4626427>>4626426
>>4626430"Alright, guys. Are you playing a prank on me? Haha very funny. You can stop now"
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>4626440WHACK...yo!
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>4626441>>4626440RADICALLLLLLL
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>4626444That punch was so radical that Chosen One couldn't help but make the radical handsign as he got knocked out
>>4626446iT WAS SO RADICAL THAT IT EVEN FUCKED UP OP'S AC. THREAD WILL CONTINUE TOMORROW. I GOTTA FIX THIS SHIT
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>4626449WARNING WARNINGRADICAL LEVELS UNSTABLE4TH WALL BREACHED
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>4626453+1
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>4626453+1
OP melted without his AC
>>462644913 hours OP, unless you melted
>>4628774OP actually melted. Gonna hafta delay some more
>>4628807by how much
>>4628846Quick, we need to freeze OP so that he can go back to solid form!
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>4629125set temp to 0 K
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>4629125>>4629127bake OP
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>4629127>>4629128OP bread
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>4629134cut to Marian telling everyone that plain bread is the best
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>4629134Greg comes to bake cookies and wonders who the hell using his stove
>>4629135"...so anyway that's why eating an entire slice of sandwich bread and nothing else is the best"
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>4629141still more enjoyable than last quattro's speech
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>4629141Everyone on the moon base got bored by his taste and decide to play smash instead
>>4629143FLASHBACK TO LAST QUATTRO SPEECH"I, uh..."*loud booing*
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>4629153That shame made Quattro realize that booze is not the answer to everything
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>4629153Speaking of speeches, Shotasniffer's is now a mishmash of anime, fishing metaphors, and incestous undertones.
>>4629156"....and that's why when you see your target, you should always cast your line and reel 'em in. Just like my favorite anime, Oreimo, which I watch every night after showering with my brothers...""You know, this speech sounds kinda weird at parts""Yeah, but I'm just not sure which"
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>4629162finish speech stating that you are not a heroand everyone just thinks you are humble and praise you more
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>4629162>>4629164"she's just shy"
>>4629164*furious clapping*"SUCH HUMBLENESS""A MARK OF A TRUE HERO"
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>4629179Things can't get any wor-"VILLAINS, ATTACK"
>>4629185*multiple explosions*"WHAT?! VILE VILLAINS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!""WE HEARD YOU WERE HAVING A PARTY, SUPER ZEROES! SO WE DECIDED TO CRASH IT! GET THEM!""COME ON CHUMS, LET'S SHOW THESE CROOKS WHAT WE'RE MADE OF! HEROES! CHARGE!"*violence ensues*
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>4629191now you just have to try and not act heroic
Rolled 230 (1d1000)>>4629191Suddenly the room darkens and everyone looks on in confusionRADICAL
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>4629194>>4629191
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>4629192*more violence ensues*Roll 2d100 to keep cool
Rolled 27, 54 = 81 (2d100)>>4629197don't do something heroic...don't do something heroic...
Rolled 44, 68 = 112 (2d100)>>4629197
>>4629201Oh fuck. A stray shot from a villain exploded the stage and sent Shotasniffer flying!.....It also made her really angry! Can she keep her cool and not attack said villain?!Find out in....2 hours! OP gotta go get dinner
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>4629205keep cool, think about shotasman I hope no heroes came here with kids
>>46292052 hours have passed
>>4629224Based on what evidence
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>4629227The fact that you're fat
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>4629235cut to villain being scolded by Simon on why he attacked Shotasniffer
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>4629244Charge at the villain who attacked youAlso say Hi to uncle
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>4629246Roll 2d1000
Rolled 62, 239 = 301 (2d1000)>>4629261"Hi."
>>4629263The villain is now a smear on the wall
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>4629272>>4629194
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>4629283"HEEEEEY, WACK HEROES AND UNCOOL VILLAINS! I HOPE YOU LIKE MY RADICAL GAS TIME BOMB THAT I HID AT THE BUILDING BEFORE THE PARTY! THAT'S RIGHT, THE BOMB BEFORE WAS A FAKE!"
>>4629285WHAT A TWEEST
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>4629295"Shit, we gotta get out of here be-"CRASH
>>4629299"REVENGE! REVENGE FOR BEING GROUNDED"
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>4629315"Why is she holding a leash, and why is Bob-""Bob is dead. It's Mr Fluffykins now."
>>4629316"Uh wait, this may be my alcohol-induced amnesia talking, but, which Bob?"
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>4629322"Only Rasputin can tell them apart."
>>4629324"Please don't look at me"As Bob loses all dignity. Thread is once again put on hold because OP gotta go to work 2morrow. Thread will continue tomorrow night. Probably same ish time. See yahttps://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>4629344Poor Bob, got a fate worse than death.
>>4629344time to look at Bob
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>4632404LOOK AT HIM.
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>4632415Anyway, heroes and villains should find the bomb before it explodes so that they can get back to the planned fight.Yes the villain attack was actually a part of the schedule
>>4632418"BETTER THINK FAST, HEROES! OH AND IF YOU TRY TO BE UN-RADICAL AND JUST ESCAPE THE AREA. I'LL CRASH THIS BIG OL BLIMP INTO THE PLACE AND TAKE OUT THE ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD"
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>4632428"Is it because we never invited her to the big villain bash""Boss told us not to, due to what she did last year"
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>4632428"This is so much information"
>>4632434"Halp sis. I'm so confused. What's going on?"
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>4632436Apparently our "help" was actually going to get us killed.
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>4632436"Auntie Murderbones is being totally unradical dawg. Get with it, ya hear?"
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>4632455"I get why she's attacking the heroes, but why the villains as well?""She's still nursing a grudge from being banned from this year's villain bash"
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>4632455"AND PIC RELATED'S WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH THE NOT-FAKE BOMB! EVEN IF AUNTY MURDERBONES DOESN'T BLOW IT UP, IT'S GONNA REACH CRITICAL POINT ANY MINUTE!""Uh, since when do you know about the inner-workings of shit and explosives?"The bomb is a not-fake, right?gonna reupload the pic
>>4632460"What? Really? Why?""Probably because she's been since last year. I didn't attend because I was busy at the time, but I heard it was quite brutal. Barely anyone made it out alive"
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>4632480"...the shit...oh god the shit...""Simon calm down"
>>4632486"But yeah, we gotta find that bomb quick or we'll all fucked"
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>4632499turn on bomb location deviceaka google maps and gps, cause we have it tracking
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>4632499"good thing she gave us clues">>4632501
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>4632503+1 Blues Clues style
>>4632503Now where could it be? Could it be hidden in that weird cyber shrine. That is covered in guns, pouches and chainsaws. That are also throwing flames. On top of a boom box constantly blasting metal.Or could be hidden somewhere else?
>>4632517Captcha ate my pic
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>4632522Look at the enclosed instruction booklet for defusing the bomb.
>>4632522YOU FORGOT THE FUCKING PAWPRINT!!!Let's go where it's the flashiest.
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>4632531forgot roll. let the pawprints lead the way
>>4632533also for reference cause I realize not everyone's a burger, blues clues was a 90's show where pic related would search for clues and said clues had pawprints. they remake it every five years or so so they can pozz it.
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>4632533Roll 2d100 to Look for more clues! This is too obvious!Also somebody gotta deal with Lilly, who's generally causing a ruckus in the back, fighting everybody indiscriminately
Rolled 80, 12 = 92 (2d100)>>4632542
Rolled 27, 33 = 60 (2d100)>>4632542
Rolled 2, 74 = 76 (2d100)>>4632542WHAT'S NEW SHOTA-SNOOFTHE BOMB'S ABOUT TO BOOMWE GOTTA SOLVE THIS MYSTERY
Rolled 11, 8 = 19 (2d100)>>4632542
Man everyone is bad at puzzles
>>4632552>>4632554>>4632555>>4632559>>4632564Puzzles and point-and-click adventure games aren't what you were into huhWatch out for that boiling rage
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>4632571Distract Lilly with a "treasure hunt" where she can use her investigative skills to find the "treasure"/bomb
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>4632573+1
>>4632575"HEY LILLY! MY FAVORITE SISTER! HOW ABOUT A FUN ACTIVITY? LET'S GO ON A TREASURE HUNT!"
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>4632595ALSO YOU'RE UNGROUNDED AND THE PRIZE IS THAT YOU GET ONE WISH TO HAVE SOMETHING FOR ONE DAY
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>4632597+1
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>4632623"YES THAT WISH CAN BE GETTING ICE CREAM IN FLAVORS OTHER THAN VANILLA, I DON'T KNOW HOW BOB HAD ANY DIFFICULTY WITH THAT BUT WHO CARES"
>>4632632"Yeyyyy! Let's go Fluffykins!""end my life"
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>4632623>>4632632OR A PONYOR HAVING CHOSEN ONE BE YOUR PONY FOR ONE DAY
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>4632639Rasputin increases Bob- I mean Fluffykins' pay as everyone in the building follows Lilly.
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>4632641Bruh. Shotasniffer hasn't been able to get a pony herself even. >>4632639Shotasniffer gets suddenly grabbed by the leader of the hero union and dragged into a strategy meeting where she is surrounded by the worlds strongest heroes. They are shockingly unconcerned about the bomb.
>>4632644>Shotasniffer hasn't been able to get a pony herself even.Every time she tries to buy one they mysteriously all disappear.
Rolled 178 (1d200)>>4632643ROLL 2d200
Rolled 112, 14 = 126 (2d200)>>4632656
Rolled 115, 108 = 223 (2d200)>>4632656
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>4632681What do you expect when the clues are full of 90s slang.>>4632644Because they have a bigger threat close by
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>4632681dicegod having a blast tho
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>4632681meanwhile, bomb is burbling, getting ready to reach critical pressure.
>>4632690"...that's right. Shotasniffer. We believe that the bomb searching group is enough to solve this crisis. We have a different one on our hands. Which is why I have gathered the top heroes attending this gala into this room to discuss our plan of action"
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>4632712>>4632708
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>4632712That being...TEXAS.
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>4632712check the top heroesand find shota among them
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>4632720NO. It cannot be!Roll 2d100 to spawn a shota amongst the heroes
Rolled 39, 39 = 78 (2d100)>>4632732plot twist he's a double agent for Auntie Murderbones
Rolled 15, 33 = 48 (2d100)>>4632732"I'm glad you care about the children at least, because this is right up your alley."
>>4632734Sadly there were no young boy in the lineup, causing Shotasniffer to immediately lose interest in the rest of the heroes at the table and also another excuse for OP to be a lazy piece of shit.
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>4632737>>4632735
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>4632737Now would be a really inopportune time to ponder the question of whether or not a non-specific child hero with the ability to turn into an adult still counts as a shota
Rolled 72, 52 = 124 (2d100)>>4632732I just wonder what would happen if I didn't get distracted and rolled
>>4632746Anon pls, we're not trying to get sued by Warner Bros here
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>4632758just make it legally distinct enough to pass
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>4632758Oh no it's superman
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>4632758BRACE YOUR EARS HE'S GONNA START SIPPING REALLY LOUD ANY MINUTE NOW
>>4632759Nevermind that. What's important is what the incoming catastrophe is:A. Grandma and Papa is careening through the sky towards this location at this very momentB. Mama's coming towards this direction because she heard about Texas possibly being in the area. Finding out her sister-in-law betrayed her children probably won't helpC. Texas's possibly being in the areaD. The Son of the Necro Space Wizard has risen to take up his father's mantle and continue his dark work. Escaping from his holdings on Skeleton Island, he has collected the mystical Astral Keystones in order to open up the Intergalactic Hell Portal on this very nightE. All of the above
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>4632780>E. All of the aboveF. THE BOMB'S ABOUT TO EXPLODE!!!!!
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>4632780B and C.Meanwhile the son's chilling with Boy and the mech kid
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>4632780D
>>4632783"See. Isn't this fun? Much better than arguing over who would win auntie Shotasniffer's favor, right?"
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>4632803Suddenly, TEXAS
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>4632803"I'll still build mechs in her name though""Not if I summon the hell demons from beyond the stars to fight in her name first.""Come on guys."
>>4632805>69Ain't this some Brokeback Mountain shit
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>4632823Back to the meeting where everyone discusses the other Texas.
>>4632829".....and so, we believe that it is very likely that the infamous child shooter Texas is hiding somewhere in the area. Which also has caused a supervillainess known as the Shadowboss to be heading this way. Apparently she has beef with him. What are your opinion on this, Shotasniffer?"
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>4632842...why are there so many child bodies around it
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>4632842>Heavy sweatingUhhh...follow a trail of bodies?
>>4632852"Excellent idea!""This why you're on the Top Heroes Council""Now we need to both deal with Texas and the Shadowboss. So who wants to deal with what? Hands up"
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>4632857Rainbow Man, you seem to be crying the moment the Shadowboss is mentioned.
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>4632857Uhhhhhh....>If we take Texas, we can show off his skull and mom will get away from hereT...Texas, we'll get Texas, while Rainbow Man will take mo...errr...I mean Shadowboss...yes>Note to self, have Betty ambush Rainbow Man and kill him
>>4632864"Alright good. Go and prepare yourselves. As soon as the bomb team defuses the bomb, they can deal with Murderbones while we split up and deal with the Shadowboss and Texas"And so the heroes have given you some prep time.And OP gotta sleep sleep. Thread will continue.....when it can. shieeet.updates:https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>4632868uh oh spaghettios
>>4632871Nah. We can call Mom to let her know the heroes are coming, and that we're going after Texas to establish an identity as Heroes that we can use as a public persona.Maybe we can guide the heroes after our enemies.
>>4632967>Maybe we can guide the heroes after our enemies.What are even our enemies at this point?
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>4632868>tfw I miss today's thread because my RSS fails because the instance I was using to front-end twitter got limitedRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEERolling for frenzy shadowboss. Kill all heroes.
>>4632967So you're basically saying we're becoming heroes
>>4633241Whomever we want. I bet those Elves have fucked up their freedom already somehow, and we could claim that we need them to redress the death of that first hero who helped us kill the Elf King? Or something? Didn't we help Burger King overthrow an Elf Island in the sky?
Your daily reminder that Barbarians are the best and current skellies have at least 1/8 of barbarian calcium in their bones
>>4635877>Didn't we help Burger King overthrow an Elf Island in the sky?Yes, and then we killed him too
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>4632868whoops
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>4637673dont do that
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>4637673"Mom, we tracked my half-sister and Texas near the ceremony"
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>4637709Cut to Shadowlady planning her own attack on Texas and Shadowboss Jr
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>4637738"can you lift your foot off me now"
>>4637741"No, minion.""oh okay"
>>4637746Besides, her husband is now chained to the ceiling for not telling her about his secret daughter with Rainbow Bitch
>>4637747"C'mon honey. Is this anyway to treat your dead husband?"
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>4637755"You're not dead until I'm done with you."
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>4637755 a bunch of unnecessary yet convient exposition starts
>>4637758Indeed,,,,OH SHIT, WATCHOUT FOR OP'S FAT FUCKING FINGER. IT'S GONNA HIT THE FAST FORWARD
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>4637761>fast forward"...after I ground her into a paste, I'll ground her for a year for marrying that fucking asshole of a skeleton."
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>4637776"Anyway, Jojo already gave me the coordinates, at least ONE of your daughters is doing something right."
>>4637780"Oh? How's the little scamp doing?"
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>4637784"Taking part in the "treasure hunt"/ bomb disposal, Dad. Lolisniffer's cousin just set a bomb on everyone in the building"
>>4637787"Jojo?! How are you contacting the spirit realm?!"
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>4637793"Spirit realm? You're in the material world. Mom brought you and Dark Lich back from the dead to take down Lolisniffer...again...wait did Mom not tell you this?"
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>4637800"Don't look at me, you literally just stripped yourself down to your underwear thinking this is another one of those fantasies."
>>4637803"OH C'MON. WHEN YOU'RE A SPIRIT IN A OTHERWORLDLY DIMENSION WHERE THE FLOW OF TIME IS DIFFERENT FROM THE MORTAL REALM. YOU START TO LOSE TOUCH WITH NORMAL REALITY. "
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>4637814Dark Lich took to it rather easily, everyone was waiting for you to realize this wasn't a dream.Oh and Lolisniffer's mom woke up.
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>4637814Lets see how Mark, Milton and that clown thing are doing.
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>4637814"Then wouldn't it be a good idea to assume it's always reality and not make impulsive decisions like this? Or just not strip down to your underwear in general?"
>>4637817"Oh yeah, forgot to tell him that part. Sorry Dark Lich""Anyway, what's your beef with Lolisniffer? We fought in a sick cage match at the wedding. I agreed to the marriage after that. He's cool. "
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>4637825"Did the spirit realm fuck up your brain? Because I heard you saying the exact opposite as you were dragged back into the realm.""Also he's a pedophile""That too."
>>4637826"I did? I've spent far too long a time in that realm beyond, I don't remember much anymore"
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>4637834I guess you have to be reminded the hard way.Dark Lich, turn on the projector. Play "Atrocities of Lolisniffer and Texas, Part I"
>>4637836"whaaaaat? Honey. I didn't know you were a film maker!"As Shadowboss attempts to piece together the fragmented pieces of his broken psyche, due to being dead previously, and process information. OP gotta stop the thread now because I didn't realize it's 2AM oh shit.Thread continues when I wake up. Which is whenever.updates: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>4637843Is OP out of coolhole yet
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>4637843OP wakes up from the screams of Shadowboss
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>4638692jesus keep if quiet down there he's trying to sleep
Rolled 83 (1d100)OP must slave away for my entertainment
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>4638701"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"Let's just go to the "treasure hunt" with Simon, Greg and Jojo
>>4638703MO MASTAH, NOOOOO
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>4638708>>4638704
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>4638708more shotasniffer content
>>4638712The "treasure hunters" have split into multiple teams. Can this be the one that finds the treasure?
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>4638722Depends, Simon can you decode the clues since you're a 90's kid and all
>>4638726"Hmmm, alright boss. I just need a skateboard, energy drinks, a backwards cap and some grunge music"
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>4638730do it
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>4638730radical
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>4638730Okay maybe not too radical after last time
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>4638757quickly, before he starts regressing
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>4638762RADICAL TREASURE HUUUUNT
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>4638762>>4638764
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>4638762"Do the 1080"
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>4638764"QUICK! FOLLOW THE MANCHILD SKELETON!"ROLL 2d100
Rolled 83, 51 = 134 (2d100)>>4638767
Rolled 54, 61 = 115 (2d100)>>4638767
Rolled 100, 5 = 105 (2d100)>>4638767
>>4638768They crash into a wall
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>4638779But does the wall hide a bomb?
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>4638780>>4638779Bigggg bomb.
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>4638779wall can hide treasures!
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>4638783BIG BOMB?!ROLL 2d100
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>4638789i slep now. someone explode the bomb for me
Rolled 90, 95 = 185 (2d100)>>4638790>>4638789Wrong dice. now I go.
>>4638790What a coincidence. OP Must now also leave due to some IRL matters.The bomb will never explode.Will continue later tonight
>>4639986Don't call me out on my lies
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>4640025no
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>4640050go to bomb
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>4640054oh shit wrong bomb
>>4640055Yeah! Get that shit outta here
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>4640063back to the group finding the actual bomb
>>4640066Since the Greg team crashed into a wall, let's check out Blue team
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>4640075lilly how did you decode those clues
>>4640075YO! Are you that one GM that did that quest about that dude who had a Cowboy Gundam with his friend who also had a Cowboy Gundam?OH SHIT, YOU ARE! You're a funny guy. Keep up the good work.
>>4640078"Mr Fluffykins got the scent. We just need to follow him">>4640081That's very threatening, thank you.
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>4640084You mean follow him to that very threatening looking door?
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>4640084Encourage Mr Fluffykins to follow the scent with a cattle prod you have now for some reason
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>4640097That skull obviously means skeletons only
>>4640098"Oh so only Luke's allowed in"
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>4640105"SPREAD YOUR CHEEKS"
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>4640105wait what, we're all skeletons
>>4640106Door's Threat Level has increased
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>4640111>>4640107also is the door a homo
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>4640111>OPEN THE DOOR
>>4640113Lilly and Olessa are Skeleton/Shadow hybrids. Or something. Never ask OP about lore. I will make it inconsistent.
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>4640119Send luke forward to open the door.
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>4640119>>4640115>>4640121satisfy the cravings of the door
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>4640119Your mom is inconsistent
>>4640121"BONE KINGDOM FOREVERRRRRR" Luke yells as he crashes through the metal door.What does he find inside? Find out in about 7 hours as OP gotta go deal with some family shit.NO lies this time.Probably
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>4640134maybe
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>4640382Now, what's on the other side of the door?
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>4640382An explosion
>>4640385No. There will be NO explosions this session.
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>4640388Lets check on Marian.
>>4640389Currently trapped in a closet
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>4640392looks like the speech didn't go well
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>4640392this is a pretty low quality drawing, OPwhere's the budget?
>>4640393When has things ever went well for Marian
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>4640395I don't know nor do I care, Lets see how Rasputin is doing.
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>4640395When he was making a fuck ton of money and had a huge fleet of mechs.
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>4640395>>4640399And then the mech battles happened.
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>4640403Fucking escape outta there, Marian. REGAIN YOUR PRIDE.
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>4640403Back to Luke and how he accidentally unleashed an onslaught of shit zombies
>>4640405"WHY WAS THERE A PORTAL BEHIND THE DOOOOORRRRR" Luke yelled as he cut through the shitzomb horde
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>4640425WATCH OUT, THEY'RE POLITICAL
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>4640425Meanwhile Milton and Mark are having the worst day.
>>4640426"....shiiiit.....shhhhiiiit.......hey you know, the election i---""AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>4640431QUICK, HELP THAT MAN KILL THE POLITICS EVERYONE
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>4640431"Hey blue skeleton man can you please help us."
>>4640433Of course! zombies shitting everywhere! A genius metaphor for today's political climate!This is a smart adventure
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>4640441Lets see how Bob#38 is doing.
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>4640441cut to Bobby being trapped in a box
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>4640448Kick it.
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>4640448"Alright, everyone's distracted by the zombies, now time to detonate my bomb that was actually at >>4632522 the whole time"
>>4640452OH NO! CAN ANYBODY STOP MURDERBONES IN TIME?!
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>4640457"hey, behind you out-of-touch loser"
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>4640457Random Conspiracy member #402 will stop her!Now watch me get a shit roll.
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>4640463RADICAL PUNCH
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>4640463"Face my satellite laser you 90's sitcom reject!"
>>4640466>satellite laser>on a blimp up in the air>over a building full of peoplethis is going to go well
>>4640467Of course it will.
>>4640466Clearly this man has resigned to killing himself to take out Murderbones with him
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>4640476How noble, Now begin the firing sequence.
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>4640476oh dear
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>4640486"Seriously, did you even think that would work?""He did a good job distracting you from me."
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>4640486"Fire? Okay then #402."
>>4640490WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS MYSTERY HERO?!
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>4640498"Goddamnit why do people keep calling us heroes"
>>4640499SUCH ANNOYANCE OVER BEING CALLED HEROES, IT COULD ONLY BE...