>>4571951
Accept the offer.

>>4571951
What kind of fiend?
High maintenance or low maintenance?
Will it try to bite my dick off?

>>4571951
>Lights a cigar
>Give me names. I won't accept if it's something like an anti-smoking devil, and don't say they don't exist I know there's a grape devil out there!

>>4571951
>A fiend. I have a history killing those walking corpses. Couldn't have picked a better guard dog.

>>4571974
That cigar better be cuban

>>4571982
Is there any other kind?

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>>4571961
>>4571974
>>4571975

>What kind of fiend?
>High maintenance or low maintenance?
>Will it try to bite my dick off?
>Lights a cigar
>Give me names. I won't accept if it's something like an anti-smoking devil, and don't say they don't exist I know there's a grape devil out there!
>A fiend. I have a history killing those walking corpses. Couldn't have picked a better guard dog.

"..A fiend. I have a history killing those walking corpses. Couldn't have picked a better guard dog." You set a cup of coffee in front of her. You take a seat across from her, lighting a cigar hesitantly. "What kind of fiend? High or low maintenance? I won't accept if it's something like an anti-smoking devil."
"It's name is Meta. It's a mushroom devil, and particularly intelligent for a fiend. Of course, it still wouldn't hesitate to kill you, but I trust that you already know that." Makima sips from the steaming mug. "You're to bring the fiend along on devil hunting jobs and keep a log of its activity. I'll provide you 5 million yen upon completion of the job. 3 million if the fiend dies."

>What do you do?

>>4571992
>Smile wolfishly. Why for that much money I'd get into a little dress, take the thing out for dinner and call it uncle

>>4571993
That's only 50k USD, though.

>>4571996
Yeah and we have a cigar habit, luxury is expensive

>>4571992
That is a lot for babysitting detail, why have you got to dump this trouble on me?

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>>4572012
>>4571993

>Smile wolfishly. Why for that much money I'd get into a little dress, take the thing out for dinner and call it uncle
>That is a lot for babysitting detail, why have you got to dump this trouble on me?

"For that much money I'd get into a little dress and take the thing out for dinner." You smile wolfishly. "That's a hell of a lot for babysitting detail, though. Why'd you have to dump this trouble on me? What about the old man?"
"Kishibe is busy - and like I said, this is off the books. It's a mountain of red tape and years of paperwork if I try to push this through the bureau. I've hired out a few other private sector hunters and the results have been reassuring thus far. If the board is pleased by the results, I could head up the division by next month."

"All I want is to save as many people from the devils as possible." Makima smiles. "Would you like to meet Meta? It's outside the apartment." Makima tilts her head at you.

>What do you do?

>>4572069
>Nod. Get off your ass and follow her outside.

>>4572079
+

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>Chainsawman Drawquest
Oh Fuck yes

>>4572069
>>4572079
This

>>4572069
>"Well better to see how much danger my ass is in."

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>>4572079
>>4572124
>>4572173
>>4572177

>Nod. Get off your ass and follow her outside.
>"Well better to see how much danger my ass is in."

"Well, better to see how much danger my ass is in." You sigh, tapping the end of your cigar.
"Of course." Makima stands, brushing her trenchcoat off. "It's been a few years since you've had a 'buddy,' right?"

She leans, opening the door. A flood of winter morning light illuminates your dim apartment, clearing to a silhouette. The fiend stands nonplussed, it's arms folded neatly and standing straight. An array of luggage lies by it's feet. It's shorter than you, and in spite of the season, wears rather light clothing. It would appear in every manner human if it weren't for the broad mushroom cap folding over it's bob of white hair.

"This is Meta." Makima introduces you. "You'll be looking after her for the next weeks."
"Ah.. so this is my buddy, huh?" Meta sighs, looking you over. It's voice is low. It appears to cast its gaze over you slowly and critically. ".. What a pain."

>What do you do?

>>4572491
Oooh that a waifu
>Much more well groomed that the other fiends I've ran into in my days. What's your deal then, peach

>>4572491
>Remind yourself this is a devil and not a chick- although you might be able to get away with something by the end of this.

>>4572491
So what can you do apart from staying dry in the rain with that head of yours?

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>>4572503
>>4572516
>>4572537

>Remind yourself this is a devil and not a chick- although you might be able to get away with something by the end of this.
>So what can you do apart from staying dry in the rain with that head of yours?
>Much more well groomed that the other fiends I've ran into in my days. What's your deal then, peach

"More well groomed than most." You remark. Most fiends are violent facsimiles of humans, with all sorts of fangs and horns and twisted visages. "So what can you do apart from staying dry in the rain with that head of yours?"
"I can breed mushrooms in your innards and block the blood flow to your brain." Meta responds coldly. She extends an arm and an array of thick mushroom caps sprout from along her flesh. They dissipate right back into her arm.

"Meta can grow mushrooms on both organic and non-organic surfaces. The caps are highly resistant to devil attacks, so she serves best in a defensive role." Makima speaks for the fiend. "She's slow to action and lazy, so remember to remind her that she can be put down should she fail to fulfill that role."
The fiend exchanges an indecipherable look with her before turning to you. Her pouty lips curl into a frown. ".. My name is Meta. I like eating lots of human food and watching television. My favorite food is.. McDonald's." Meta speaks slowly and lowly, stealing a few glances toward Makima for assurance. "Take care of me."

>What do you do?

>>4572574
Have you eaten? I could go for some McDonalds myself. Been a while. We can talk about how this is gonna work and eat.

>>4572574
>"I can breed mushrooms in your innards and block the blood flow to your brain." Meta responds
>"Neat"

>Well Meta, it looks like we already have some things in common, watching TV and eating fast food.
>>4572578

>>4572574
>"Breed"
>Internally chuckle and get some McD's.

>>4572574
>"You seem like a fungi to party with. Walk with me, I'll buy ya a Happy Meal."

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>>4572578
>>4572629
>>4572657

>Have you eaten? I could go for some McDonalds myself. Been a while. We can talk about how this is gonna work and eat.
>"You seem like a fungi to party with. Walk with me, I'll buy ya a Happy Meal."

"You seem like a fungi." You joke.
Meta stares at you blankly.

"..Have you eaten? I could go for some McDonald's myself. Been a while. We can talk about how this is gonna work and eat." You take a huff of the cigar, turning your attention away from the fiend and toward her handler. "Is she cleared to enter public places?"
"Meta can pass better than most fiends, so you can with caution - but it's best to keep in mind that she's still a fiend." She reaches into her trench coat, removing a manila envelope. "She won't stand up to scrutiny, so you should carry these documents with you at all times. If you're stopped by a police officer or devil hunter, show them these. They'll make a face and leave you alone."
"Right." You take the envelope, absentmindedly shuffling through the notarized documentation. It's all formal and stuffy looking. You once had to file paperwork like this. "You want to come with us for breakfast?"
"I'm afraid I can't. I have a train to catch for some more business down in Tokyo, and then Kyoto. I'll keep in contact via telephone." Makima smiles coolly. "Things are getting busier at the bureau. But once my special division gets approved for action, I'm willing to keep a space open for you if you'd like to return to government work, ________."

>What is your name?
>What do you do?

>>4572706
>Sato Onishima
>I do it all.

>>4572706
Shit sorry, thought you were asking about skills. I uh..
>Let's get some breakfast and chat up our new 'pal'

>>4572706
>Take Shi
>Specialize in FOOD that buffs people

>>4572706
>Gui McCul

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>>4572710
>Sato Onishima
>Let's get some breakfast and chat up our new 'pal'

"Sorry. I'm too sane for public bureau work." You mutter. "..Maybe if rent goes up again."
"Of course, Onishima." Makima turns to the door. "I look forward to hearing from you."

She closes it, leaving you alone with the fiend and her bags.
"Right, then." You cast a glance at the fiend, who's appears to be staring at the movie posters adorning your walls. "Let's get breakfast."

[...]

The drive there is quiet. Your few questions are rebuffed or offered half-hearted and cold responses. Nonetheless, she follows you into the restaurant listing off her order plainly. An array of cheeseburgers, double cheeseburgers, triple cheeseburgers, nuggets, fries, milkshakes.. this is going to take a significant chunk of your pay for the job if this is really her daily diet.
Lucky enough, her mushroom cap is low key enough to be dismissed as a strange winter cap and you manage a seat. Upon receiving your food, the fiend tears into it without bothering to wait for you. Despite how well she may have been groomed and cleaned up, she certainly still eats like a devil, sending haphazard splashes of ketchup flying across the table.

You figure this is a good enough time to start learning about your new 'buddy.' "Meta.." You trail off.
"Hrmph?" She looks up from a mouthful of burger.

>What do you do?

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ENTER

>>4572833
>Ask if they have any experience with devil hunting
>Ask if there's anythng they'd like to do or talk about
>Remind her that being a fiend is no excuse for poor table manners

>>4572833
>Ask how Meta got her name
>Ask if they have any experience with devil hunting
>Ask how she met Makima.

>>4572833
>Do you have to eat so much, this is going to take a toll on my wallet/
>Normal guys don't like chubby girls.

>>4572833
>What's it like, being a devil?

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>>4572966
>>4573019
>>4573111
>>4573255

>Ask if they have any experience with devil hunting
>Ask if there's anythng they'd like to do or talk about
>Remind her that being a fiend is no excuse for poor table manners
>Ask how Meta got her name
>Ask how she met Makima.
>Do you have to eat so much, this is going to take a toll on my wallet/
>Normal guys don't like chubby girls.

"Clean yourself up. Being a fiend is no excuse for more table manners." You scold her, sliding a handful of napkins across the booth. She grimaces at you with a mouthful of nuggets. "And do you need to eat so much? It's a bit.."
"Gah. All you humans are all the same. It's such a pain. Who cares how I eat if it's getting in my mouth? Who cares how much I eat if it's good?" Meta licks her fingers, flicking a french fry at you. "Quit annoying me or I'll sprout mushrooms in your skull."
"In my skull, huh? You have any experience with devil hunting?" You prod her. "How did you meet Makima, Meta?"
"...Does it matter?" Bringing up that name seems to quiet her. "You're the most annoying human she's saddled me with yet. No one else asked any stupid questions."
"If I'm going to babysit you for the next two weeks, it's best we know more about each other." You drum your fingers on the table. "How did you get your name? What's it like being a devil?"
"How did you get your name, Sah-toh Onee-shee-muh? What's it like being a human?" She echoes your questions back. Her tone is low, slow, and mocking. "Do you see how stupid you sound?"

>What do you do?

>>4573280
>My mother named me after the grandfather who beat her
>And imagine having fun, playing games and then suddenly the world turns grey and you're risking you existence fighting devils just to keep from ending up as an old drunk like your father was
>Yeah I'm pretty stupid aren't I?

>>4573280
>>Ask how Meta got her name

>>4573281
>+1
>But you probably wouldn't understand. You're just a devil.

>>4573280
>It is a pleasure working with you too

>>4573281
>>4573311
+1

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>>4573281
>>4573311
>>4573373

>My mother named me after the grandfather who beat her
>And imagine having fun, playing games and then suddenly the world turns grey and you're risking you existence fighting devils just to keep from ending up as an old drunk like your father was
>Yeah I'm pretty stupid aren't I?
>But you probably wouldn't understand. You're just a devil.

"My mother named me after the grandfather who beat her." You answer her insults seriously. "And being a human? Imagine having fun, playing games and then suddenly the world turns grey and you're risking your existence fighting devils just to keep from ending up as an old drunk like your father was. I'm pretty stupid, aren't I?"
"Yeah, sounds like it. And your mother, too." Meta responds, sipping idly at her milkshake. "If you're so worried about 'risking your existence' fighting devils, just quit. Humans do that all the time, right? Go run away and spend the rest of your life watching movies and eating delicious food. I would if I could. Fighting is such a pain."
"I figured you wouldn't understand." You pick at some food. "You're just a devil."
".. Done." Meta sighs, sliding a heap of packaged cardboard and paper bags your way. "Where to next, 'buddy?' We going out on devil patrol?"

>What do you do?

>>4573441
>Yup, let's patrol.
>Don't throw away the bags. You're not a maid, damn it.

>>4573446
+1

>>4573446
+1

>>4573446
+1

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>>4573446
>>4573450
>>4573462
>>4573528

>Yup, let's patrol.
>Don't throw away the bags. You're not a maid, damn it.

"Patrols are normally bureau work, but I don't mind." You sigh, standing up. You barely ate. And she was definitely picking at your fries when you weren't looking. "Let's go."
"Mmhmm." Meta stretches, leaving the mess of paper bags for an employee.

[...]

"Aren't you cold? Winter in Asahakiwa isn't a joke." You glance over your shoulder at the mushroom fiend, who's visibly shivering along your walk. "You want a jacket?"
"Bah. We devils aren't weak enough to abide by your human standards of "cold." The fiend sneers, her teeth chattering. "'Tis like a warm summer day."
"You're shivering."
"Well maybe I don't want to wear a jacket, human. Perhaps I prefer this." She shoots back, her lips curling into a frown. "Aren't you going to do something about that devil, anyways?"

She points to the shambling mess of legs and steam in front of you. It's a styrofoam cup filled to the brim with a sloshing, bubbling black liquid, it's rim lined with fangs and it's base made up of a tangle of fleshy limbs. A long tongue lolls about from the top and it gurgles and hisses in an indecipherable hateful kind of way.

"I thought you were going to do something about it." You glance to the sloshing devil.
"It's a real pain. I might get burnt. And it's a coffee devil." She sighs. "You can kill it yourself, can't you?"

>What do you do?

>>4573642
>Roll your eyes. "Alright, I guess I can show you a few tricks if you're too weak to handle it."
>Try to communicate first--some devils can understand people if I recall correctly.

>>4573642
>THE coffee devil, Only one of a kind. And yeah, who the hell is scared of coffee anyways?
>Then move forward to ambush the thing

>>4573642
>"a nice hot cup of coffee might be just the thing on a cold evening such as this. Hey cupcake! Habla Ingles?"

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>>4573646
>>4573652
>>4573661

>Roll your eyes. "Alright, I guess I can show you a few tricks if you're too weak to handle it."
>Try to communicate first--some devils can understand people if I recall correctly.
>THE coffee devil, Only one of a kind. And yeah, who the hell is scared of coffee anyways?
>Then move forward to ambush the thing
>"a nice hot cup of coffee might be just the thing on a cold evening such as this. Hey cupcake! Habla Ingles?"

"THE coffee devil, Only one of a kind." You correct her, which seems to annoy her. "But I guess I can show you a few tricks if you're too weak to handle it."

You step forward, approaching the devil cautiously. It's best to keep your distance - the "coffee" leaking from the cup is eating away at the asphalt beneath it. Using the Fox Devil or a Ghost Devil arm would be best.

"Do you speak?" You ask.
The devil burps and gurgles in response, shambling clumsily and slowly toward you.
"What a devil hunter. My hero." Meta smirks, placing her hands behind her back. "Why even waste time trying to speak with it if you're going to kill it? So annoying."

>What do you do?

>>4573671
>Kon
>Sorry fox, know you hate caffeine

>>4573671
>Tip it over and beat on it.
>"I prefer energy drinks anyways."

>>4573706
supporting bullying coffee

>>4573706
>>4573707
>Tip it over and beat on it.
>"I prefer energy drinks anyways."

>Roll a 1d20. Best of 3.

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>4573758

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>4573758

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>4573758

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>>4573769

>Rolled 16 (1d20)
>Tip it over and beat on it.
>"I prefer energy drinks anyways."

"No sense in wasting flesh on it." You step forward and with a single solid kick knock the shambling mess of a devil to the ground. It spills its acidic innards across the asphalt road, seeping into the ground and dissipating a significant amount of the concrete. Before it can get a chance to pull itself up, the unseen hand of a devil materializes, plunging into the styrofoam flesh. The devil shrieks, writhes, and lies still. "I prefer energy drinks, anyways."
"Wow, a devil hunter through and through. How could someone like you leave the bureau with that kind of talent?" Meta snorts, crouching by the steaming corpse. She holds her hands above its innards, allowing the steam to warm her. It occurs to you that this is the first time she's asked you a personal question, even if she phrased it as a joke. "Are we done with our patrol? I'm tired."

>What do you do?

>>4573828
>"Yea, you must be exhausted."
>"I left the bureau because someone I like got killed. Easier this way."
>Continue patrol for a little longer.

>>4573837
+1
>>4573828
>"We are not done until you can tell me what you learned from this devil, which was?" pause for her answer, "also we are not done."

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>>4573837
>>4573858

>"Yea, you must be exhausted."
>"I left the bureau because someone I like got killed. Easier this way."
>Continue patrol for a little longer.
>"We are not done until you can tell me what you learned from this devil, which was?" pause for her answer, "also we are not done."

"I left the bureau because someone I like got killed." You examine the corpse. "Easier this way."
"That's a stupid reason. 'Tis not like people you like are going to stop getting killed just because you left." Meta scoffs, rubbing her hands over the devil's guts' steam. "Just quit hunting altogether if you don't take it seriously. You humans don't make any sense."
"...We are not done until you can tell me what you learned from this devil, which was..?" You fold your arms.
"What? That the coffee devil is an easy kill for a brave hunter like you?" She snorts, glancing back at you.
"Let's keep moving." You sigh, turning away from her. "I'll find a phone booth and report the kill. We're not done yet."
"This is so annoying." Meta groans, standing up and trudging after you. "Jingle All the Way is in theaters, y'know? It's got Arnold Schwarzenegger in it..."

[...]

You keep up your patrol along the quiet roads for the next few hours. It's not like devils really actively pop up in Asahikawa, especially compared to Tokyo, but you figure that this is a good way to rein Meta in. She complains the entire way.
"I'm hungry again. Let's go eat, human." She pants, clearly exhausted from the short walk. ".. Hey. Are you listening to me? I want to eat. Maybe curry.. or ramen.. Come on. Let's go watch a movie. Have you seen the American one with the human child that tries to murder two adult humans during Christmas? That's a good one.."
"Quiet." You hiss. You block her path with your hand - two Public Safety Devil Hunter of the Hokkaido Division are out on patrol. You recognize one. The other seems like a new hire.

>What do you do?

>>4573908
>You're not scared of them, but you'd rather avoid a confrontation.
>What you are afraid of is the health of your wallet during this little babysitting.
>Get some McD's.

>>4573908
>What do you do?
"We can go watch something after work. For now, let's go the other way, I'd rather avoid those two than waste any time on them."

>>4573908
>Say hey to the hunters, catch up a bit.
>Tell Meta to cool it and she might just GET some curry.

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>>4573828
casual racism

>>4573932
Supporting, no need to comfort them if there is no need, also Mickey D's is always a fine choice

>>4573932
>+1

>>4573908
>Run away suspiciously

>>4574605
>Walk like in those cartoons you used to watch with your drunk father , always work

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>>4573932
>>4574003
>>4574364
>>4574447

>You're not scared of them, but you'd rather avoid a confrontation.
>What you are afraid of is the health of your wallet during this little babysitting.
>Get some McD's.
>"We can go watch something after work. For now, let's go the other way, I'd rather avoid those two than waste any time on them."

"We can go watch something after work." You chastise her, grabbing her hand. "For now, let's go the other way. I'd rather avoid those two than waste any time on them."
"Good. Those type are a real hassle." Meta scoffs as you lead her away from the pair. "Hey, let's take another break. We've done enough work, right?"

[...]

"Mmmf. 'Tis disgusting.." Meta groans, milkshake dribbling from her pallid face. She looks as if she's about to pass out. "Why are you making me eat this poison, human?"
"..I thought this was your favorite." You temper your tone. She ordered 4500 yen in food alone...
"But I don't want McDonald's anymore. I wanted curry or ramen." The mushroom fiend whines. "I had McDonald's this morning."
"Then why are you still eating it?" You can't help but raise your voice.

Your conversation is interrupted by a thunderous roar and scattered screams from outside the restaurant window. You peek outside to catch sight of a growing smoke cloud over a nearby building, pedestrians fleeing haphazardly - some are covered in blood. A few restaurant patrons get up to see the commotion.
"Ugh. More work?" Meta's head lolls to the side. "I think I'm gonna vomit, human.."

>What do you do?

>>4574792
>The other inspectors are around , this shit is above your paygrade
> Continue eating , steal the food/wallets off other customers

>>4574792
>What do you do?
"I'm not making you eat anything. If you don't want it, then I'll eat it. You can have some curry later."
"We should go check that out, or I won't get any money for food and you might be executed."

>>4574827
At least we gotta nab a few wallets , right ??

>>4574792
>You can go vomit on that demon
>And if that doesn't work you can start complaining at it

>>4574792
>"Well we don't necessarily have to go and fight it, we only have to go if you want to keep up this Thanksgiving level eating your dong. So you know, up to you.

>>4574792
>You haven't done any work at all
>Human rights don't apply to fiends, realize the position you are in

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>>4574964
>>4574827
>>4574822
>>4575048

>"I'm not making you eat anything. If you don't want it, then I'll eat it. You can have some curry later."
>"We should go check that out, or I won't get any money for food and you might be executed."
>"Well we don't necessarily have to go and fight it, we only have to go if you want to keep up this Thanksgiving level eating your dong. So you know, up to you.
>You haven't done any work at all
>Human rights don't apply to fiends, realize the position you are in

"I'm not making you eat anything. If you don't want it, then I'll eat it." You scold her, "You can have some curry later."
"Hmmmm. I don't want you to eat my food, so.." In spite of her clear disgust, she continues eating. "It's nice to eat. You humans have it too good. You don't appreciate it enough."
"..Well, we should go check that out." You look out to the empty street - distant screams and crashes punctuate the silence. "We don't necessarily have to go and fight it. We only have to go if you want to keep up with the your diet. It's a bit heavy on my wallet. So, you know, up to you."
"If you run out of food money, I'll just drink your blood. And it's not our business." Meta nods to the window. You peer outside just in time to catch sight of the two public safety devil hunters sprint by. "If public safety is going, it must be a strong devil. So we don't have to show. You're not with them anymore, remember?"
"..You haven't done any work at all." You knead your forehead. "Human rights don't apply to fiends. Realize the position you're in. You could be killed for this, you know."
"If you want me to go, I'll go.." Meta sighs. "You humans waste your short lives on stupid things."

>What do you do?

>>4575093
>"You're not any different. Someone is eventually going to snuff you out and all your life will have is stuffing your gut with Big Mac. Get over yourself."

>>4575093
>"What can I say--you fiends are pretty inspiring."
>Follow the devil hunters. Meta doesn't want to follow, she can be tossed out like a soda can.

>>4575093
>Follow the hunters, but don't let them see you just in case.
>''Come, unless it's a dire threat you probably don't need to do anything, but always be prepared, you never know''

>>4575093
>Yeah I want you to go. Now git.

>>4575093
>You have to prove you are not only a hole in my wallet

>>4575145
this

>>4575093
>I still get paid even if you die, you should remember that if you want to continue this friendly relationship
>We will just observe, if they are in serious danger then we will lend a hand

>>4575093
>Food is cheaper than blood.
>>4575164

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>>4575145
>>4575494
>>4575164
>>4575571

>"You're not any different. Someone is eventually going to snuff you out and all your life will have is stuffing your gut with Big Mac. Get over yourself."
>Follow the hunters, but don't let them see you just in case.
>''Come, unless it's a dire threat you probably don't need to do anything, but always be prepared, you never know''
>We will just observe, if they are in serious danger then we will lend a hand

You're not any different." The fiend is getting bold. "Someone is eventually going to snuff you out and all your life will have is stuffing your gut with Big Mac. Get over yourself."
"At least I like eating." She sighs.
"Right. Then we're going." You stand up, brushing yourself off. "Unless it's dire, you won't have to do anything. We're just going to observe."
"Mmmm. Figures." Meta stands up, milkshake in hand. She leaves a not-insignificant amount of food at the table. "There's that human self righteousness."

[...]

Upon following the hunters' trail, you find that public safety has cordoned off a building down the road. The base is littered with rubble and several floors appear to have been blown out. You catch an occasional glimpse of twisting flesh along the visible interior spaces.
"Looks like a pain in the ass." Meta loudly slurps her milkshake behind you.
There's a cabal of suits blocking the entrance. You recognize one of the hunters at the entrance - in spite of your best efforts to stay hidden, it seems that the painfully loud slurping behind you caught his attention. He approaches you, hands in his pockets.

"Onishima. Good to see you." Tanaka greets you in that same dull tone. His expression is impossible to read. "Who's your friend?"

>What do you do?

>>4575686
>Makima is paying me to look after her fat, sloppy, lazy relative, got the documents if you need to see them.
>I never got along with the kids, how are you supposed to do it?

>>4575686
>"My newest babysitting job--The Bane of Fast Food everywhere."
>"How the hell are ya, Tanaka? Waste any devils lately?"

>>4575701
+1

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>>4575699
>>4575701
>>4575739

>Makima is paying me to look after her fat, sloppy, lazy relative, got the documents if you need to see them.
>I never got along with the kids, how are you supposed to do it?
>"My newest babysitting job--The Bane of Fast Food everywhere."
>"How the hell are ya, Tanaka? Waste any devils lately?"

My newest babysitting job--The Bane of Fast Food everywhere." You sigh, reaching into your coat. "Makima is paying me to look after her fat, sloppy, lazy relative. Got the documents if you need to see them."
"She's seriously saddling you with a fiend..? Makima is getting too bold." The bespectacled man looks over the documents, flipping through the blocks of legal jargon and state approval. "How long is the job?"
"It's two weeks, starting today." You sigh. "How have you been, Tanaka? Waste any devils lately?"
"I'm on babysitting duty myself." Tanaka shakes his head. "The rookie I'm partnered with lost it when she saw the devil. We had to take her outside so she could vomit. "
"You too, huh?" You look to the devil hunters gathered by the entrance - a short girl is sitting at the building stoop, crying. "..I'm not great with it. I never got along with kids. How are you supposed to do it?"
"It's not a 'kid'. It's a fiend." He raises a brow. "You don't need to treat it like a child. Just kill it if it acts up. And what's with the milkshake? Just toss it your leftovers. You'll be fine."
"Right." You turn to look at her. Meta is balancing the straw on her lips.

>What do you do?

>>4575774
>Suggest we "trade" for a hot minute: we'll go see Tanaka's partner while he takes care of Toadette in the meantime.

>>4575846
This+
>She may not look it but she is smarter than the usual fiend, all the more reason to be on guard

>>4575774
>Pinch Meta's tummy

>>4575846
>+1

>>4575846
That seems like an awful idea, this guy hates fiends and she's our responsibility.

>>4575890
that's why it's a good idea. she has been an annoying cunt so far, maybe a few minutes with this guy will teach her to appreciate our tender care.

>>4575774
> "The rookie I'm partnered with lost it when she saw the devil. We had to take her outside so she could vomit.
BENI IS THAT YOU!?

>>4575846
How bout fuck now.
>>4575898
Or she kills him, which is much more likely than her learning to appreciate us more.

>>4575774
>Tell Tanaka about your run in with the Coffee devil, people are scared of everything nowadays

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>>4575846
>>4575864
>>4575889

>Suggest we "trade" for a hot minute: we'll go see Tanaka's partner while he takes care of Toadette in the meantime.

"Mind "trading" for a second? You look after her and I'll look after yours?" You offer. "She might not look it, but she's smarter than the average fiend."
"Sorry, Onishima. I'm not looking to get my throat torn out right now. It's your responsibility." Tanaka shakes his head. "And my hands are full enough as is. The bureau's hiring just about anyone nowadays.."
"Right." Of course it wouldn't be that easy to get her off your hands.
"And.. it's best you keep out of the area. This is Public Safety business." Tanaka lowers his voice. "We have reason to believe the devil here might have consumed part of the Gun Devil. Just go home. Take your fiend with you."

>What do you do?

>>4575970
>And what if it has, it is especially concerning if you are facing a piece of the gun devil
>You got my number if you bite off more than you can chew, we are going Meta

>>4575970
>"Ok ok I know when to fold them, you guys can have this one.
>"But keep in mind that you have my number, so call of you need any help.

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>>4576006
>>4576224

>And what if it has, it is especially concerning if you are facing a piece of the gun devil
>You got my number if you bite off more than you can chew, we are going Meta
>"Ok ok I know when to fold them, you guys can have this one.
>"But keep in mind that you have my number, so call of you need any help.

"Right. I know when to fold." You raise your hands. "You got my number if you bite off more than you can chew."
"We'll be fine. Maybe not the rookie, but.." Tanaka turns, offering you a wave as he returns to the squad at the door. "Good luck."
"Same to you." You turn. "Meta, we're going."

"Oh? You're running away?" A hint of relief creeps into the mushroom's voice. She's still keeping the straw balanced on her lips. "Good. Fighting's a pain in the ass. You want to go see a movie?"

>What do you do?

>>4576329
>"Depends, what kind of movies do you like?"
>"And by the way, you're gonna pay for this one."

>>4576329
>''I got some movies at my place, if you wanna go to a theater you need to work for it''
>Shit, she has to sleep at your place right? damn

>>4576507
+1

>>4576507
this

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>>4576507
>>4576530
>>4576623

>''I got some movies at my place, if you wanna go to a theater you need to work for it''
>Shit, she has to sleep at your place right? damn

"I got some movies at my place." You shoot back. "If you wanna go to a theater, you need to work for it."
"Right, right." Meta walks alongside you, balancing herself on the curb of a sidewalk. "...What's a movie theater like?"

[...]

Shit. The fiend is living with you now, isn't she? It only really occurs when you see her sprawled out on the entirety of your couch, her luggage lying around the apartment haphazardly. "Hey, human. Put on a movie. I only watch American movies." Meta points at you. "And cook dinner! Make it good. I don't want curry or ramen anymore."

>What do you do?

>>4576734
>Got a few westerns, Princess
>Whatever I make you will be unhappy with, why don't you cook it yourself then?

>>4576734
>''Got spaghetti westerns, not american but they speak English so that's good enough''
>''I can make some pasta with chicken, tastes great... but somehow i get a sense you will complain about that too''
>Wonder if you could ask her to grow some mushrooms to cook, or is that too weird?

>>4576734
>"If I take that cap off, would you die?"

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>>4576742
>>4576750
>>4577140

>Got a few westerns, Princess
>Whatever I make you will be unhappy with, why don't you cook it yourself then?
>''Got spaghetti westerns, not american but they speak English so that's good enough''
>''I can make some pasta with chicken, tastes great... but somehow i get a sense you will complain about that too''
>Wonder if you could ask her to grow some mushrooms to cook, or is that too weird?
>"If I take that cap off, would you die?"

"Got a few spaghetti westerns." You don't bother to look. "I can make some pasta with chicken, but you'll hate it, so why not make something yourself? How about your mushrooms? Like.. if I took off that cap, would you die?"
The fiend's face twists into you revulsion and horror. "You humans are gross. And I won't complain about the food if it's good, y'know?" She rolls off the couch, approaching your movie cabinet on all fours. ".. Honestly, the history you humans choose to put to film is so strange. Why would you want to recreate and film such disastrous human failures as Jurassic Park?"
"Recreate?" You echo. "Meta, what do you think movies are?"
"Bah. I'm not quite as stupid as the average fiend, human. I know movies are fake." Meta sneers proudly, thumbing through your DVDs and looking at the covers. "Humans create films based off of historical happenstances and time periods, like Jurassic Park and Star Wars. You have any romance movies?"

>What do you do?

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>>4577376
>Show her fire punch
That movie canonically exists in the Chainsaw man universe, it appeared on multiple billboards.

>>4577376
>Tucker and Dale Vs Evil is technically a romance movie and it won't bore us or make her think you can teleport by using fancy shoes, so let's watch that.
However, if we wanna screw with her, put on a movie for that horse show we aren't allowed to talk about here.

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>4577376
>You have any romance movies?"
Do we?

>>4577376
>Put on Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny

>>4577381
K-Kino....

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>>4577376
Dis bitch loves romance?
My grill, but put some good shit on like. . .
>A Whisker Away
One of the few romances I enjoyed.

>>4577455
If we do, it better be some sweet shit. Not that female fantasy trash. I don't want to see hot guys, I want to see cute couples.

>>4577381
K I N O

>>4577455
You have Groundhog Day with Bill Murray.

>>4577529
hell yeah, A Whisker away is great
So we have westerns and anime romance films, what a refined taste we have

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>>4577529
>>4577845
>A Whisker Away

"I got one. It's anime, but.." You approach your DVD cabinet, pulling one for the fiend. "Here."
"Hmm.. your 'animated' films aren't too bad, either." Meta ruminates on the cover. "For such a stupid race, human entertainment isn't too bad. Put it in!"

[...]

You get to cooking a pasta dinner while the fiend watches the movie. For once, she keeps her mouth shut. The thrum of the anime in your dim apartment and the hiss of your pots and pans are almost peaceful enough for you to forget that there's a human-eating devil lazing around in the same space as you.
"Human romance stories are fascinating. Not that romances is totally foreign in the world of devils, but that's usually just a mutual love of killing humans more than anything. What humans have is.. different. It's not too bad." Meta pipes up for the first time in a while. "Do you have any experience with 'love,' human?"

What do you do?

>>4578294
>Pause. . .
>"Yes- sort of. . . It never got the chance to go anywhere."

>>4578294
>"Yeah I'm seeing this girl. We exchanged promise rings last week so you could say things are getting pretty serious."

>>4578340
+1

>>4578418
This is too funny

>>4578340
+1

>>4578340
>>4578418
Did our character lose a love one and immediately replace her?

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>>4575701
Bane?

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>>4578714

>>4578418
+1

>>4578340
This

>>4578418
this

>>4578340
I think this is nice, +1

>>4578782
We should keep baneposting with meta. She doesn't know about it, so she'll think the references are serious.

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>>4579120
>>4579021
>>4578611
>>4578525
>>4578340

>Pause. . .
>"Yes- sort of. . . It never got the chance to go anywhere."

"Yes- sort of.." You answer. "It never got the chance to go anywhere."
"Was she with the bureau? Is that why you quit?" She glances over her shoulder. "Good. Serves her right for choosing that. Hey, human, feed me. I'm busy watching this."

>What do you do?

>>4579195
>Tell her watching and eating at the same time will train her multitasking skill.

>>4579195
>"aww, widdle baby fiend hasn't learned how to do mutliple things simultaneously"

>>4579195
>I would prefer if you called me by my name

>turn off tv. "You're right, watching TV while eating really lousy manners. Shows no appreciation for the food."

>>4579195
Ok dumb question, should we do
>"He, not she."
and make Onishima gay or bi?

>>4579195
>What do you do?
What, you can't eat and watch at the same time?

>>4579484
Dumb question indeed

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>>4579198
>>4579502
>>4579381

>Tell her watching and eating at the same time will train her multitasking skill.
>What, you can't eat and watch at the same time?
>I would prefer if you called me by my name

"What, you can't eat and watch at the same time? It'll train your multitasking skills if you do." You tut, pouring a bowl of noodles for yourself and her. "And I would prefer it if you called me by my name. You'll be working under me for the next two weeks, so get used to it."
"Your name? That's just embarrassing." She scoffs, averting her gaze. "Anyways, eating food and watching movies at the same time is hard. Don't get mad at me if I stain your couch."
"You're not eating on my couch."

[...]

An awkward silence hangs in the air as you sit at far ends of your dinner table. Meta pokes the steaming noodles, her lips curled in hesitation. The fiend slowly raises the pasta to her mouth and in one quick motion takes it up whole.

"Hmmm.." She chews on it thoughtfully. "It's.. good."

>What do you do?

>>4579553
>Danger move, pat her head.
>Show her where she can sleep.

>>4579484
That depends, was it hypersexual gay or bro gay? One is only good for porn and the other is kino.

>>4579553
>"Hey, I cooked that; try to savor it a bit at least."

>>4579553
>"Thanks, I suppose."
>>4579484
Dumb question, we should not.

>>4579553
>"Neat, didn't think it would be good."
>>4579555
100% bro gay of course, I don't want to ruin the quest with the other one.

>>4579484
No

>>4579553
>"Thanks, I suppose."

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>>4579619
>>4579635
>>4579555

>Danger move, pat her head.
>"Thanks, I suppose."
>Show her where she can sleep.

Unfortunately - or fortunately - you're out of head patting range.

"..Thanks, I suppose." At least she's not being nasty about it.
"Bah. Don't get a big head just because you're good at cooking." Meta mutters, scraping her fork against the bowl. "...I would appreciate more of this, though."

[...]

After clearing out the entire wok, she burps, reclining in her chair. "Ah.. What a hard day of work!" Meta exclaims, reclining back into your seat. "Oy, human. Where am I sleeping tonight?" She sits back. "I'll take your bed if you take the couch."

>>4579536
>>4579619
>>4579635
Realized how bad of an idea it was, thanks

>>4579661
>Danger move
>Let her sleep in your bed

>>4579661
>"I'm not taking the couch, sorry."

>>4579772
+1
If she still wants to sleep in our bed she can go suit herself, but we won't be kowtowing. In the end, you're already sleeping within a few steps of an fiend so it's all the same level of danger.

>>4579661
>"best I can offer you is a futon. My bed is off limits"

>>4579661
>I've got a vat of mulch you can burrow into for the night. Got some fertilizer up top too. The good shit, 100% all natural manure. Made it myself. It's got what mushrooms crave.

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>>4579789
>>4579772

>"I'm not taking the couch, sorry."

"I'm not taking the couch. Sorry." You respond, stone-faced.
"Ohhh? Well, I certainly don't want the couch either. I suppose we'd have to share a bed, then?" She shifts her tone of voice, going from low and cold to something flirtier and taunting. It's creepy. "You and I, sharing a bed? Isn't that a bit much for the first night? Are you sure you'll be able to hold yourself back when such an attractive devil is sharing such a close space with you? What if something happens?"

She's obviously trying to goad you into getting freaked out enough to just sleep on the couch.

>What do you do?

>>4579918
>get into bed, muttering a "whatever g'night" on the way and go to sleep

>>4579918
>"Yeah, yeah, looking forwards to it. Night, Meta."

>>4579918
>MUSHROOMS BELONG OUTSIDE IN THE DIRT

>>4579924
>Support
If she talks about ovulating and lust or something just say no way fag

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>>4579924
>>4579952
>>4580024

>get into bed, muttering a "whatever g'night" on the way and go to sleep
>"Yeah, yeah, looking forwards to it. Night, Meta."

"Yeah, yeah, looking forwards to it. Night, Meta." You stand up from the table. A look of annoyance and confusion crosses the mushroom fiend's features as you leave the dining room - she tags along behind you to your bedroom.
"I wasn't lying, you know. I really will sleep in the same bed as you." Meta hisses, nudging you. You slip out of your jacket and into a white shirt. ".. Hey. Are you ignoring me?"
"Whatever. Good night." You sigh, entering your heated bed. You throw the blanket over yourself. You feel the fiend staring holes into your head.

After a long moment, you feel a hard poke. "H-hey, human. C-..come on." She whispers in a low tone, her face flushed. "Can I please have the bed..?"

>What do you do?

>>4580031
>Sleep on the couch, or if you cant stand it, there's a bed mat in the side closet. No spare pillows. Beat it.

As much as I as a red blooded male would love to pound her mycelium straight, in universe shes a monster and letting her get /too/ comfortable isnt appropriate. We wouldn't want her in our bed, maybe drinking our blood while we slept.

>>4580031
>Make some space for her, but tell her to get another blanket from the closet. You're not sharing yours.
Let the fungi sleeps with us.

>>4580037
This. This could also be another ploy and we need to set some damn BOUNDARIES

>"yeah yeah whatever you do just can it and get some shuteye already. Tomorrow we'll be getting actual work done so we'll get up early. Gotta fund your bottomless gut and my cigar habit somehow."

>>4580109
Fuck
>>4580031

>>4580031
>I don't sleep with just anyone and I don't sleep on my couch, there is a futon in the closet

>>4580109
This.
Either Mushroom sleeps in the couch or gets the courage to sleep in bed

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>>4580109
>>4580112
>>4580225
>>4580037
>>4580070

>"yeah yeah whatever you do just can it and get some shuteye already. Tomorrow we'll be getting actual work done so we'll get up early. Gotta fund your bottomless gut and my cigar habit somehow."
>Sleep on the couch, or if you cant stand it, there's a bed mat in the side closet. No spare pillows. Beat it.

"Sleep on the couch, or if you cant stand it, there's a bed mat in the side closet. No spare pillows." She's still a fiend, after all. "Whatever you do, just can it and get some shuteye already. We'll be getting actual work done tomorrow, so we're getting up early. Gotta fund your bottomless gut and my cigar habit somehow."
"Hmph. Fine. I warned you, y'know." You feel the weight of the bed shift, the twisting of your blanket, and a warmth at your side. "..."
The presence stays for just a few moments before the weight shifts and the warmth dissipates. You listen to the squeak of your side closet door, the removal of your futon, and a weight slump down at the floor next to your bed. She doesn't seem to have any more jabs or insults for you tonight.

[...]

You awaken early the next morning. In spite of that, the fiend is awake on your futon next to your bed, freshly dressed and lazing around. "That floor was really stiff, y'know." She scowls at you. "That was really mean, even for a human."

>What do you do?

>>4580379
>"Well, you were the one who chose the floor."
If she's too shy to share the bed, so be it.

>>4580393
>Support

>>4580379
>You wouldn't want to sleep with a man like me Princess, my special ability could even make the woman devil cry

>>4580379
Can't you grow yourself a mushroom bed or something?

>>4580421
That would be a very cringey thing to say.

>>4580379
>It's good for your back. Really you should be thanking me.

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>>4580393
>>4580394

>"Well, you were the one who chose the floor."

"Well, you were the one who chose the floor." You get up, brushing yourself off.
"It's not my fault that you humans stink like that. And aren't you being too bold? A beautiful devil almost slept next to you, y'know." Meta scowls, following you along as you enter the kitchen. "There's no way I'm sleeping on the ground every night for two weeks. Let's alternate."
The ring of your landline cuts you off before you can dismiss her. You check the caller ID-.. it's not Makima or Tanaka, but Akari, a private devil hunter in the area you've worked with before. It's rare for her to call directly, especially this early.

Before you can answer, the fiend snatches the receiver. "Hiiiii? Who's this?" Meta asks, raising her voice. "Me? This is his girlfriend."

>What do you do?

>>4580560
>Give it now, the call has nothing to do with you

>>4580560
>Hey "Honey", Mind Giving me the phone and sticking to your own business?

>>4580577
+1

>>4580583
In a sarcastic tone, that is

>>4580560
>put it on speaker, see where this goes
might be fun

>>4580583
>Support, but put on the speaker too

>>4580560
>Dropkick her

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>>4580583
>>4580600
>>4580587

>Hey "Honey", Mind Giving me the phone and sticking to your own business?
>put it on speaker, see where this goes

"Hey, 'honey'," You snatch the phone from her hands, tapping the speaker button and shooting her a look. "Mind giving me the phone and sticking to your own business?"
"Good to see you've been doing well for yourself, Sato." Akari's voice is tinny through the phone. You've done a few jobs with her in the past. Although she's never done government work like you have, she's still a capable private devil hunter. "I've got a job offer if your girlfriend doesn't mind."

>What do you do?

>>4580776
>"Sounds interesting, what's it about"

>>4580776
>"What can I say--I've always been pretty popular."
>"And yes, let's talk jobs."

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>>4580786
>>4580821

>"What can I say--I've always been pretty popular."
>"And yes, let's talk jobs."

"What can I say--I've always been pretty popular." You look to the fiend, who is now playing with your trash can. "...And yes, let's talk jobs."

"I'm sure you know that the Asahikawa Division staged an attack on a Worm Devil that appeared at the Hotel Crescent yesterday afternoon. Apparently, they did a pretty shitty job with it." The voice echoes. "The devil split into separate consciousnesses when segmented and it ended up duplicating seven times over. It killed more than half their active duty personnel before they put it down, but one small segment escaped - apparently fled southwest and escaped to a forest along the border of the city. It's gotten weak, but the bureau is too diminished to finish the job. They put out a 2 million yen bounty for its head. If you're up for hunting in some cold weather, we can go splitsies like usual with this."
"More work..?" Meta groans.

>What do you do?

>>4580861
>hell yeah homie

>>4580861
"More work equals more movies and food--get used to it."
"We're in."

>>4580861
>"Sounds interesting...we might check it out."
And, to Meta,
>"What, don't wanna help your boyfriend?" In a sarcastic tone.

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>>4580871
>>4580875
>>4580879

>"Sounds interesting...we might check it out."
>"More work equals more movies and food--get used to it."
>"We're in."
>"What, don't wanna help your boyfriend?" In a sarcastic tone.

"Sounds interesting.. might check it out." You check the clock. It's 5:20. "When's the job?"
"Great, Sato. Dress for cold weather. Pack food and matches." Akari responds. "There's a bus stop out by Shōga Rāmen - be there for 6 AM today. The bounty was just posted, so it's best we move quickly."

"We're in." You reassure her. You turn to the fiend. ".. And more work equals more movies and food--get used to it. You don't wanna help your boyfriend?"
"Gah. Do you really have to drag me along with you?" Meta grumbles. "I barely packed any winter clothing... Can you at least make breakfast first?"
"'We're' in? Are you talking about your girlfriend..?" Akari sounds incredulous.

>What do you do?

>>4580888
>"I'll explain it when we arrive."

>>4580888
>What? You think I can't get a girlfriend? I have tons of girlfriends! This is one of fifty!

>>4580888
>"you'll understand everything soon enough."

Also checked.

>>4580889
>>4580993
These

>>4580888
>"I'll tell you about it later, bye."
>"Two million yen is a lot of money, I will treat you to whatever reward you want if you help out."

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>>4580889
>>4581160
>>4580993

>"I'll explain it when we arrive."
>"you'll understand everything soon enough."

"I'll explain it when we arrive." It's a bit awkward over the phone. "You'll understand it soon enough."
"I'm not splitting the bounty any more than 50/50. If she wants a cut, it's coming out of yours." Akari sounds annoyed. "I'll see you there."

[...]

You approach the bus stop with your fiend in tow, trudging down the icy sidewalk with care. Meta complained about not getting breakfast and you ended up buying her a large hot chocolate to shut her up. Up ahead, you catch sight of the bundled up private hunter reading a book at the stop.

"Akari!" You wave.
"..." She doesn't move as you approach. Akari's gaze is focused on Meta. ".. A fiend, Sato? Even for you, that's a bit much."

>What do you do?

>>4581458
>"Just another job, miss. Got to fuel my habit somehow."

>>4581458
>I'm getting 5 mil for it

>>4581458
>"I'm getting 5 million to babysit her."

>>4581458
>What do you do?
"Makima from public safety stuck me with her, but I'm getting paid for it. Here's her papers. She's gonna help us today."

>>4581458
>"Nice scarf by the way."

>>4581614
>>4581998
these

>>4581458
>"for the next two weeks I am one of if not the most expensive babysitter in the world"

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Going to take a brief break for Christmas!

>>4582305
Have a sweet chrism and hollydays

>>4582305
Merry Christmas!

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>>4581471
>>4581491
>>4581614
>>4582104
>>4581998

>"I'm getting 5 million to babysit her."
>"Makima from public safety stuck me with her, but I'm getting paid for it. Here's her papers. She's gonna help us today."
>"Nice scarf by the way."

"Makima hired me to babysit her. it's 5 million for 2 weeks." You echo the babysitting sentiment, almost as if to reassure yourself more than her. "She's gonna help us today. Here's her papers-.."
As you reach into your coat for the documents, the private hunter shakes her head. "I believe you. 5 years out of the PSB and you're still their dog, huh?" Akari scoffs. "Well, I can't say I'd do much different when it comes to Makima."

[...]

The three of you sit at the back of the public bus, Akari to your left, Meta to your right.
"It's cold." Meta shivers, hands wrapped around herself. The ribbed sweater looks thin. "I'm hungry. This better be quick, human."
"Why didn't you bring the coat?" You knead your forehead. "..Nice scarf by the way."
"Right." Akari keeps a healthy distance between herself and the fiend. "How's babysitting been treating you? Not doing anything suspicious with your assignment here, right?"

>What do you do?

>>4583650
>For the mushroom devil she's not very mushroom-like. Eats a ton, demands entertainment and comfort, isn't cute. I've become quite disillusioned.

>>4583650
>So far it's been mostly buying her food and listening to her endless complaints. You'd be surprised by how much money i've spent just on fast food.
>>4583666
>isn't cute
now that's just a fucking lie, she may demand a ton of shit and be generally...you know, spoilt, but she's cute.

>>4583796
bro she looks like a hentai protagonist decided to use a lampshade as a hat

>>4583849
If she was a hentai protagonist, her hair would be spiky and she'd be an skinny fucker with an weird-ass mouth.

Here she looks like one of those "hair over the eyes" girls, which are nearly always pretty good. You can tell from the shape of the hair and, well, her figure. She has a feminine structure.

>>4583930
Nitpicking.

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>>4583666
>>4583796

>For the mushroom devil she's not very mushroom-like. Eats a ton, demands entertainment and comfort, isn't cute. I've become quite disillusioned.
>So far it's been mostly buying her food and listening to her endless complaints. You'd be surprised by how much money i've spent just on fast food.

"So far it's been mostly buying her food and listening to her endless complaints. You'd be surprised by how much money I've spent just on fast food." You look to the mushroom fiend. She's fallen asleep, drooling against the bus window. "For the mushroom devil she's not very mushroom-like. Eats a ton, demands entertainment and comfort, isn't cute. I've become quite disillusioned."

"That's fiends for you. Surprised she hasn't tried to kill you, yet." Akari looks outside the window. "Well, I guess we'll see when we go hunting. How's she in a fight?"
"Haven't had the chance to see. We went out on patrol today and saw the Coffee Devil. She couldn't be bothered."
"You have to rein her in more. There's a reason fiends don't legally have human rights." The private hunter rebukes you. "Don't spoil her too much."

[...]

After a half hour trip out to the outskirts of the city, you find yourself trudging through a thick blanket of forest snow. Akari leads the way while Meta lags behind you - she said something about having an idea of the Worm Devil's approximate vicinity. Upon closer inspection of the fiend's walk, mushrooms blossom underfoot with each step she takes on soil.

"So, Meta.." Akari breaks the silence. She speaks slowly and carefully as if talking with a child. "What's it like living with a human?"
"I've lived with plenty of hunters. All of you are all the same." She pants, struggling to keep up with the pair of you. "All you care about is work and dragging me around. This human's got decent cooking, th-.."
The fiend quiets as your hunter partner holds up a hand, treading forward cautiously. A gruesome display is splayed out in front of you - a deer carcass dangles loosely from a branch, half its flesh seemingly gnawed away and an array of viscera littering the ground beneath it. A trail of blood dapples the snow in a trail away from it.

"Looks like this is our devil. It's not stupid, though. Seems like it's setting a trap for hunters." Akari snaps her fingers, rubbing flesh away from the tips, and a small fire ignites along her hands. "In case it's not, I'll follow the trail since I've got stronger contracts. Sato, stay here with your fiend in case it comes up behind us. Come after me if I'm not back in 30."
With that, she begins to tread slowly into the forest, disappearing into the woods after the trail.
About 10 minutes pass before the fiend starts prodding you, evidently bored, cold, and hungry. ".. Hey, human. What do you think of that hunter, huh? She looks kind of creepy if you ask me." She asks, poking you.

>What do you do?

>>4584807
>Devil hunters ain't the most cheerful bunch, what did you expect?

>>4584807
>She has to wear her hair like that to seal her evil eye. If not for that she'd go for a much cheerier style.

>>4584826
This

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>>4584826
>>4585163

>Devil hunters ain't the most cheerful bunch, what did you expect?

"Devil hunters aren't the most cheerful bunch." You click your tongue. "..What did you expect?"
"Well, they could stand to have a bit more fun with it. It's so tiring." Meta groans, leaning against a dead tree. "All you devil hunters are all so self-serious and noble and junk. The devils all have a good laugh about that when they're scraping off what remains of you on their teeth."
"Is that so?" You grimace.
"You humans are predictable. Your motivations are all the same for devils. They're used to it." Meta smiles, clearly pleased at your annoyance. "The only hunters that devils are scared of are the ones that do what they do for no reason at all. Those are scary. Anyways, let's go get some conveyor belt sushi after this. I want tons of fatty tuna for freezing my ass off here, human!"

Your conversation is interrupted by a loud crackle and hiss out in the distance - a thin plume of smoke rises out from the trees a short distance away. It seems Akari had to use the Matchstick Devil. At the same time, you see a flurry of flesh dip through the snow bank just nearby. You see a moving mound of snow snaking between tree trunks.

"It's here already?" You freeze in place, keeping an eye on the snaking mound.
"I smell it." Meta's voice is low. "I don't think it can see us yet, but it will soon."

>What do you do?

>>4586377
>What do you do?
"Well Meta, show me what you got. As you said yourself, have fun with it."

>>4586377
>"Now would be a good time to grow mushrooms on its skull or whatever"

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>>4586565
>>4586945

>"Well Meta, show me what you got. As you said yourself, have fun with it."
>"Now would be a good time to grow mushrooms on its skull or whatever"

"Well Meta, show me what you got. As you said yourself, have fun with it." You fold your arms. "Now would be a good time to grow mushrooms on its skull or whatever."
Meta huffs. "I can't grow mushrooms in it's brain when it's that far." She stamps on the ground, and a crest of fungi blossom in a circle around the pair of you. The caps tilt and deform to fit into a dome around you, enveloping the two of you in a small dark space. You have to hunch to fit comfortably in the space.
"Well, I can do this." She murmurs into the dark space. "It can't hurt us until it figures out it can burrow. Then it'll realize we're packaged all tight and cozy and tear us apart like a beef bowl. You have any games on your phone to kill time with until it eats us, or do you have a plan?"

>What do you do?

>>4587448
>Can you make spores to paralyze it, there is no wind in here so they won't blow away

>>4587448
>"I, in fact, do have that hit new game Among Us. You can get eaten by an imposter right before you get eaten by a demon."

>>4587462
+1
Cordyceps time?
Cordyceps time.

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>>4587462
>>4587959

>Can you make spores to paralyze it, there is no wind in here so they won't blow away

"Could you.. make spores to paralyze it?" You'd pace the length of the mushroom dome, but there's far from enough space. "There is no wind in here, so they won't blow away."
"Spores? I was told those aren't a good idea when I'm too close. 'Tis too dangerous with other devil hunters. I've put three in the hospital already!" Meta slumps against the mushroom wall as a sudden thump reverberates through the shell. "Oh! It's here."

A small space in the mushroom wall decays, allowing the winter light to filter through. "Here. You take a peek."
Upon peering outside, you manage your first glimpse of the devil - what little you can peek at through the peephole appears less like a worm and more like a tangled length of human arms and veins, roughly 25-30m in length and snaking around the wall rhythmically.

"Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out. Come out." A guttural voice repeats from out beyond the wall.
"Ah, it's repeating itself. Some devils are so annoying. You have any ideas, human?" Meta scoops up some snow, packing a snowball. "You got any decent devils...?"

>What do you do?

>>4588616
>What do you do?
"Isn't it close enough for you to attack now? Put something nasty in that snowball and I'll throw it for you."
"Why don't we have a floor, anyway?"

>>4588616
>Use your contract with the bird devil to summon a giant worm eating bird

>>4588616
>Summon Syringe Devil to pierce the Worm Devil and maybe inject it with something, even something simple as air and water should harm it.

>>4589161
wanted to write Needle Devil, but apparently Kishibe already has it.

>>4588913
this, dont think we should use our contract too early

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>>4588913
>>4589798

>"Isn't it close enough for you to attack now? Put something nasty in that snowball and I'll throw it for you."
>"Why don't we have a floor, anyway?"

"Isn't it close enough for you to attack now?" You peer through the mushroom hole. "Put something nasty in that snowball and I'll throw it for you. Why don't we have a floor, anyways?"

"Growing mushrooms beneath us is dangerous, stupid human. They could swallow up your feet and you could end up losing them! And.. something nasty-..? Ah." Meta nods, huffing up. She rubs the snowball gently, scooping up some soil from the ground and packing it into the mushroom. A few mushrooms blossom up along the interior of the packed ice before she tosses it to you. "Good thing you're wearing gloves, human. Otherwise you'd end up plucking shrooms out of your hands and eyes and nose and stuff."
"..Great." You pack the mushroom bomb up into a nice, dense sphere. The chill manages to keep the soil packed nicely. You peek out the hole; it seems the Worm Devil has noticed you now, shifting from a curved path around your dome to a scary stillness. The end of it's malformed body is writhing, seemingly purposely - twisting itself into a form fit to enter through the window that the mushroom fiend has allowed you. You wind back, and with what focus you have left, toss the fungus grenade at the devil. It bursts into a mess of snow and dirt on the devil, who freezes in shock.

In an instant, mushrooms begin to blossom up over its flesh, covering up the length of human arms and teeth and causing the devil to screech in apparent pain. It flails, roars, and lies still in the snow - mushrooms continue to grow along it, even after its death.
Meta pushes you out of the way. "We won! I did all the work, again." The dome decays, showering both of you in the cool winter light. She gives the mushroom covered devil body a solid kick. "Yeah, it's dead. You sure are slow to use any of your devil contracts, human."

>What do you do?

>>4590151
>What do you do?
"Yeah, good work. Let's go find Akari and get out, get paid."
what are the chances we secretly have no contracts? Akari said she had stronger contracts than us...

>>4590151
>I only contract with primordial devils, I can't waste them on something like this.

>>4590151
>I am holding back on my contracts of course, would be a bad idea to show my hand when I am working with a fiend

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>>4590217
>>4590324

>I only contract with primordial devils, I can't waste them on something like this.
>"Yeah, good work. Let's go find Akari and get out, get paid."

"I only contract with primordial devils." You examine the corpse, careful to not touch the mushrooms. "I can't waste them on something like this."
"E-eh..?" Meta's voice falters. The fiend's face pales, but she quickly huffs and pouts. "No way. You're lying. Stupid human lies..."
"Good work." You sigh, standing up from the corpse. You'll have to call the bureau to clean up your leftovers and get paid as per usual, but you've got to meet your partner. "Let's go find Akari and get out, get paid."
Your conversation with Meta is interrupted by the trudge of an encroaching hunter - Akari stumbles forward, a nasty gash torn into her jacket arm and her arm hanging limply behind her.

"Sato! Good to see you're still alive." Akari waves with her functioning arm, trudging to the worm corpse. "I nearly killed it myself, but it split and one ran off. Was gonna warn you, but.. I see your friend has taken care of it."
"Your arm.. you gonna be good?" You can't help but stare. Any loss of limb means a loss of contracts for devil hunters.

"It's fine. Looks worse than it hurts. I cauterized it with the Matchstick Devil already, anyways." She waves you off, beginning to trudge back along the foot path the two of you had made. "How'd it go with you and your fiend? She try to kill you yet?"

>What do you do?

>>4590426
>Nah, not yet. Who knows, maybe she's fallen for my irresistible charm.

>>4590500
+1
With sarcasm, of course. We have no charm.

>>4590500
+1

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>>4590500
>>4590533
>>4590552

>Nah, not yet. Who knows, maybe she's fallen for my irresistible charm.

"Nah, not yet. Who knows, maybe she's fallen for my irresistible charm." You tease, wading after her.
"Yeah, your irresistible charm." Akari snickers. "I'll remember that line for when I get to your funeral next week."
"Gah. What are you humans blabbering on about? 'Tis annoying." Meta pipes up, lagging far behind.

[...]

The hum of the conveyor belt and clink of ceramic is a pleasant breather from the silence of the forest. After arriving back from the bus trip, reporting the kill to the bureau, and filing the paperwork with Akari, you bent to Meta's demands with a sushi trip. You'll spoil her a bit since she actually did something for once.

"Hey, human." Meta turns to you, a mouthful of sushi rice falling from her mouth. "You were instructed by Makima to write a daily record of my performance with you. What have you written so far?"

>What do you do?

>>4590637
>. . .
>Shrugs Shoulders
>You did fine, let's go get some burgers

>>4590637
>"Not very nice things. You did well against the worm devil though so I'll include some praise in today's report."

>>4590683
+1

>>4590683
Support
But remove the burger line, we are literally eating sushi rn

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>>4590683
>>4591105
>>4591253

>. . .
>Shrugs Shoulders
>You did fine, let's go get some burgers

"..." You shrug your shoulders. "...You did fine."
"Fine? Just fine? I saved your life today, y'know. You humans should show a little gratitude." Meta echoes your sentiment, clearly disappointed. She takes another mouthful of sushi. "How about my personality? Write anything about that?"

>What do you do?

>>4591377
>"If you didn't like the action assessment you definitely won't want to hear the personality section."

>>4591377
>Nothing to report

>>4591377
>That bit is classified information

>>4591377
>There's not enough paper in the world for me to write all of THOSE details down.

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>>4591388
>>4591430
>>4591392
>>4591418

>That bit is classified information
>"If you didn't like the action assessment you definitely won't want to hear the personality section."

"That part's classified." You grab another plate from the belt.
"So annoying." Meta groans, brushing some rice from her shirt. "Did you write anything about just how supremely INTELLIGENT or appreciative of human ARTS I am? You know, I'm pretty human for a fiend. You should appreciate that! You could've been stuck with the one that doesn't flush its shits."
"Good to know. But if you didn't like the action assessment, you definitely won't want to hear the personality section." You sigh, plucking at your meager sushi selection. She sure is going for a lot of expensive rolls..

"Hmm.. Well, if I had to rate you.. You're pretty boring, y'know. Predictable. Act all moody and mysterious just like every other hunter. And you never even show your contracts. And I hate all hunters as a rule." She thinks aloud, tapping her fingers as she numbers your apparent faults. "But my other buddies were pretty miserable. They tossed me dog food and hit me when I didn't listen. So.. I'll rank you a 4/10."
"That's still pretty low." You raise a brow.
"You should feel grateful that I ranked you that high." Meta laughs, brushing some of her bangs from her face. "..Well, you're not the worst, Sato."

[Gonna call the thread here!]

>>4591488
Nice work, QM! Looking forward for more.

>>4591488
oh fuck she does have eyes

we need to start tossing her fertilizer