GET IN HERE, NERDS! WE’RE TAKING OVER A PLANET!Honestly, I don’t even know what that means, and neither does that astronaut approaching one now, but it sounds badass, so we’re going to do it! First, though, you need to land this rocking piece of intergalactic technology. Where to?>Green forested looking area>Desert landscape>Weird purple area>Fuck off, space nigger. We’re full. You can crash into the moon if you want.>OtherMajority generally rules, but you can always specify “other” even if I forget to explicitly list it. If it’s funny, I may just go with it. I’ll pick in the case of a tie. This is a drawquest, but I’ll aim for an update every 20-25 minutes during a session (generally 7:00 EST).
>>4336957>Weird purple area
>>4336957>>Fuck off, space nigger. We’re full. You can crash into the moon if you want.
>>4336957>Weird purple areaWe've got to get the purple women
>>4336957Are you that guy who wrote Leave the Cave. Your writing style faintly reminds me of that.
>>4336963>>4336966>>4336970>>4336996Hey look! Purple! Purple alien landscapes must mean purple alien women for camouflage or something! How are we going to conquer a planet without conquering their women? Let’s go there!You pilot the spaceship into a field of purple spongey bubbles, and with the utmost precision softly land the craft on the rubbery landscape nah nigger, you would have totally crash landed that ship you TOTALLYDIDNOTSTEAL if it wasn’t so soft. But everything went fine, somehow. Let’s go explore!Oh wait! What if you really do encounter aliens? It just won’t do to leave without some kind of disguise! Otherwise, they might catch onto your dastardly plan of planetary domination! Whichenyouwant?>Monocle Dude>Rocket Man>Drifter>Alien>FOURTH OF JULY!
>>4336972Yep! I even included a "dis u" in the first image, and I am keeping an acronym of the quest title as my name. I'm going with democracy this time instead of high rolls after a trial run last week.
>>4337009>AlienAsk him why he isn't purple and doesn't have tits
>>4337009>>Alien>>4337011GLAD TO SEE YOU BACK SHITPOSTER QM
>>4337012>>4337022I should just use that as my name. Next thread for sure>>4337027You activate the disguise capsule and it reveals a few options, but this is a disguise. You’re in an alien planet, therefore, you have to look like an alien. This be that big brain shit you’re on. Only one more thing before you head into the unknown: you look at yourself in the mirror and ask why you’re not purple and have tits while sobbing. When your daily ritual is over, you are left with a decision:What do?>Let’s grab a weapon>Nah, we got this. Run into the unknown!>Nah, we got this. Did I see a gray thing while coming in? Gray isn’t purple. Let’s kill it.>Let’s look at the treeeeees, man>Other
>>4337051>>Let’s grab a weaponhaha laser gun go pew pew
>>4337051>Let’s grab a weapon
>>4337051wait if we're green, won't that make us griggers?
>>4337053>>4337077Oh! One more one-more-thing to do! You activate the weapon cache. It's time to get our hands on some sweet, possibly reality breaking weaponry!Whichenyouwant?>AR15-NO, I WANT A LASER GUNB-B-But it's experimental! and hastily and poorly drawn!LASERS! NOW!Fine, which one do you want?>AR15>Laser gun>Revolver>Reality bending rule book>A FUCKING CHAINSAW>Machete
Rolled 1 (1d2)>>43371161 = laser gun2= reality-bending rulebook
>>4337123>>4337133Does this box, not listen to you? You said LASER. You meant LASER. AND YOU GONNA GET LASER! You know what? Fuck this box! You shout “FUCK THE POE-LEESE” as you blast the box away to box heaven, or box hell. That’s not your place to judge, but the world is already looking brighter! Oh, wait, that’s its second sun. Nevermind.Oh well, where to?>Gray thing>Run off in a random direction>Look at treeeees, man>Other
>>4337158>>Look at treeeees, manHope we brought a lighter and paper with us...
>>4337158>Look at treeeees, man
>>4337160>>4337168>>4337195Have you seen those trees? They're like sticks! and they don't have leaves! They just kind of wrap around themselves! Is it winter? Why are they red? Can we smoke them? These are all valid questions for an enterprising mind. Oh well!Huh, this one has symbols on it... SCORE! That probably means there are aliens! Also, the branch the symbols are written on are pointing to that weird gray structure, but there's another one that doesn't seem to be pointing to anything in particular. I guess it's a sign post?Where to?>Gray Structure>Direction of writing into unknown>Fuck you, tree! You don't own me! [run in another direction]>Other
>>4337218>Gray StructureThere better be gray titties in there
>>4337228>>4337224>>4337222You travel across the trampoline like landscape trying your best to mimic the astronauts on the moon videos from centuries ago. However, this planet has gravity similar to earth, so it’s not quite right, but you feel cool doing it![moral: increased][dignity: decreased]You finally reach the building, which seems to be a downward sloping three-sided pyramid thing with an attached tower, and one side is entirely open. This side leads to a downward sloping ramp, and naturally, you follow it in search of dem gray titties.AND YOU FIND THEM!Oh wait, that’s lavender. It's only some lavender chick is in a cryotube next to a big red button in a chamber at the end of the hall.What do?>Press button>Shoot glass>Look around room>Other
>>4337259Oh, shooting the glass is a 1d20.And don't get a 20
>>4337259>Look around room
Rolled 14 (1d20)>>4337259>shoot the glass
>>4337282>>4337303If no one else votes for button I'll support looking
Rolled 11 (1d20)>>4337299+1
>>4337309>>4337282Lavender titties << gray titties. You're able to control the need to simp for a few moments as you look around the room, whether it's to assess your environment or assess asses only time will tell.You see the cryo tube and the girl, who you notice is slightly elven looking, with a golden circlet around her head, but the frost is too thick to see much of anything else- not like I was looking it's ummm, I'm describing the room, and um The Box! Yeah! The box has writing on it in the alien runes. Also there's a passage leading upwards.What do?>Press button>Shoot glass (1d20)>Shoot cryotube bottom>Go up passage, I probably would have gone with shooting glass if I hadn't already drawn it when >>4337324 voted
>>4337339>Press buttonGray titties , purple titties we gotta see
shiet thought first one didn't go through
>>4337344>>4337345>>4337346That sweet, sweet elven booty gonna be mine!You press that button as the symbols seem to change. You can almost make out what they say as the elf shimmers and vanishes, only to be replaced by a four-armed snake monster. Oh, and that glass is lowering. Shit.”Does your kind not have any psychic protection at all? How was this so easy? I should thank you, but I’m so very hungry, you see…”He bitch slaps you across the room.What do?>Sit and take it>Fight back (1d20)>Fight back while yelling about titties (1d20)>Other
Rolled 5 (1d20)>>4337376>>Fight back (1d20)MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA!!!!!
Rolled 3 (1d20)>>4337376>Fight back (1d20)
Rolled 13 (1d20)>>4337376>Fight back while yelling about titties (1d20)Snakes have titties right?
>>4337383>>4337385>>4337408[Result: bad]Like hell you’re about to get beaten up by some snake thing pretending to be an elf girl! Only traps can pretend to be elf girls and… wait, actually this was a trap. Huh. Either way, you don’t want to get beaten up by a trap!You charge up the laser gun, ready to kill this gorgon thing, but it points the gun away at the last moment and delivers a really sound punch. And another one. And another one. I guess you mostly lost count on account of being unconscious and all. Shit.You wake up to a voice yelling.”I shouldn’t have to revive your dumb ass. You deserve it. We have automatically adjusting psychic symbols saying shit like, ‘DON’T PRESS’ and what do you do? You press it. You freed the worst criminal we have, and what do you do? Die. You fucking die, and I’m forced to heal your dumb ass. Do you realize how expensive this stuff is? I hate peo- oh shit, you’re backWhat do?>Open eyes, situational awareness>Start yelling back>Contemplate mortality>Other
>>4337437>Start yelling back
>>4337437>Open eyes, situational awareness
>>4337437>Start yelling backAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa
do we have a name or are we still named Mr. Pupi from LTC
>>4337450>>4337441but also>>4337446>>4337451"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa""Would you shut up? You're not fighting anymore. Ruk left after you died, and you're lucky you have so much iron in you otherwise you would have been food.""Hey! It wasn't my fault! There was this elf girl, and I freed her because she was in danger, and she may have had a booty, and I didn't know that it would release a snake monster!""Wait, you really don't have any psychic warding at all do you?" *Sigh* "Look, our whole planet runs on psychic manipulation. You'll need this because you're going to stop it"The elephant-grimlin then reaches out and puts his hand on your head. Nothing *really* changes, but there seems to be a brain shield or something, like you can just see things more clearly.[ability unlocked: psychic warding]What do?>"You said something about me stopping it. Wut?">"I did not consent to having you give me a brain shield, and I demand you didn't.">"I still want an elf girl">Enough talking, go up ramp>Enough talking, go outside>Other
>>4337466>"I still want an Centaur girl">"I did not consent to having you give me a brain shield, and I demand you didn't.">"Who the fuck are you? Where are the monstergirls!"
>>4337466>"I still want an elf girl">"You said something about me stopping it. Do I get an elf girl?"
>>4337465I realized I forgot to ask for a name like an hour ago, but didn't know how to ask for it now. I was just going to wait until we want to introduce ourselves, but also forgot during this conversation, plus it had the wrong tone since we started yelling back immediately >>4337470I'm never escaping centaur girls, am I?
>>4337466>I still want an elf girl>Go up ramp
>>4337478I am patient. I can wait to make good name.>"You said something about me stopping it. Wut?">where is my lazer gun at. Gimme gimme now!!!
>>4337478Didn't get it the first quest, why not the 3rd?
>>4337470>>4337475>>4337495>>4337497"Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty elephant!""I'm not an elephant, you inbred sack of shit! I'm an ellifant! And I gave you a shield, you're welcome. I can't take it back and wouldn't even if I could! You have to kill Ruk, you know that monster you released? And you can't do it without a mind shield""I want an elf girl""Wat""I want an elf girl. That's my price. I'll kill him, but only if I get an elf girl, maybe a centaur, but that's my final offer.""I just saved your life, and you... I hate you, but you did get your ass kicked, so yeah, I'll call in a favor and get you some help so you don't die in like 5 seconds flat again. One moment."The elephant jumps off your chest and leaves the room out where you came from.OH FUCKING SWEET! YOU'RE GOING TO GET AN ALIEN (but really a mythical creature, probably) TO HELP! Whichenyouwant?>Elf girl>Centaur>AlienWhat do?>go upstairs now>wait on help, then go up>leave structure after help arrives
>>4337528>Elf girl>wait on help, then go up
>>4337528>alien>wait on help, then go up
>>4337528>Elf Girl>Wait on help, then go on up
>>4337528>CentaurPlease we need the Centuar, been trying since the first quest.>wait on help, then go up
>>4337528>Centaur>leave structure after help arrives
>>4337538switching to centaur. chose alien as troll.
>>4337571>>4337558>>4337552Centaurs have it. I'll update in the morning (After I figure out how to draw and write a centaur). I'll aim to update throughout the day tomorrow. Thanks for playing tonight!
>>4337583no OP. Thank you for coming back.
>>4337583Use this to help you
>>4337583The elephant came back into the chamber as you were shaking the stiffness from your bones. Nothing feels permanently off, but dying does have a tendency to make you a bit sore. He begins to lead you up the ramp and while you’re walking he begins to make some idle smalltalk:”So you know how it’s morally wrong to kidnap humans and horses and combine them in an abomination because we got really bored on a Tuesday afternoon? Well listen, I want you to know we aren’t the bad guys. You are. And that guy you released. Not us. Anyway, you know how it’s also morally wrong to be ashamed of what you created, and leave her to fend for herself in a hostile alien world where she somehow survived and became a total badass that for some reason hasn’t killed us all?”Before you respond you find a centaur standing in the entrance all majestic and shit. “You’re the idiot that released Ruk? He stole your spaceship. Surely the Builders have a contingency plan, and it may have to do with the thing in the top of the tower, but it has not chosen any of us. I doubt it, but I don’t have a better idea. Let’s see if it chooses you.”She begins down the corridor towards the chamber you came from.What do?>Follow her>I wanted her to have a spear or bow or something>Introduce yourself (Choose name)>Ask her name (Choose name)>OtherI meant to get an update out earlier, but the horse part took forever to not look completely retarded. >>4337588 You vastly overestimate my super secret MSPaint drawing techniques.
>>4338321>>Follow herLet's also introduce ourselves as John Johnstone.
>>4338470>>4338585You rush to catch up with the horse-girl. Apparently, horses walk really fast! Maybe you could ask to ride on her back? Would that be weird? That would probably be weird. Never mind, bad idea. We’re just going to jog beside her.”Hey, centaur, what’s your name?“Valerie. Probably. Technically I’m like 80% Buttercup, but call me Valerie anyway.””All right Valerie. I’m John Johnstone. Call me John Johnstone. Can I ride on your back?”“Valerie? Hey! Did you start walking faster?”You reach the top of the tower and see that in the center of the circular room is a basin on a pedestal containing a rippling, faintly luminescent purple liquid. The pedestal itself is constantly cracking and reforming as the liquid solidifies and turns gray. This would be the fanciest birdbath you’ve ever seen if it wasn’t for the hollow, glowing rock floating above it. How are birds even supposed to get in?Valerie has stopped outside the room.“We don’t know the rules of the Builders. We don’t know anything about them really, but sometimes structures will appear when we need them. I know they watch over us and provide help when we need it. We must show them all our honor, so I think you should go in alone.”What do?>Approach reverently alone>Approach casually>Nuh uh, I’m scared. I want her beside me like the bitch I am.>you know whAt’s an eyesore, haha? pedestals. you shouLd knock it over haha>Other
>>4338594>you know whAt’s an eyesore, haha? pedestals. you shouLd knock it over haha
>>4338670>>4338616Shit, ya’ll went for the fedpost just straight up without hesitation. Senpai. All right, sure, just do me a favor and don’t ever go to /pol/.“Remember, this relic is a holy site. If you try to do something stupid like you did before, I will shoot you before you get the chance.”You push over the pedestal. See! She’s all talk! Oh wait, she’s about to shoot you.”WAIT!”The liquid begins wrapping around the rock, which is pouring out light condensing into a fairly humanoid shape.”He acted on my command.”What do?>She wasn’t really about to shoot me, was she?>”Who are you?”>”What did I do”>”It wasn’t me. It was someone else.”>Other
>>4338731>Other Finally something purple people on purple planets are supposed to be purple right?
>>4338741>>4338771"Finally! Something purple! People on purple planets are supposed to be purple right?""First, only this area is purple.Earf, the planet you're on, has a wide variety of ecosystems you should go visit! Like the northern fjords, absolutely stunning!. There's so much natural inspiration in nature that"You zone out for a bit.”And finally, I'm from the moon, which is gray. Sure, really setting up shop here might help with camouflage or something, but the aesthetics would be all off!”"Yeah, that's cool. Anyway, I have a score to settle with some gorgon alien. What can you do for me?""I can teleport you to him. He crashed your ship into the moon and is really pissing us off. You have a score to settle. We want him to fuck off right into the afterlife, let's make something happen."What do?>Bet! Surprise attack! (1d20)>Okay, but that sounds like a boss battle, and I don't want to just yet.>Hol' up, are you here or there, and did I release you or not? Also, am I a chosen one?>Check up on Valerie she’s witnessing her deity right now.>Other
Rolled 9 (1d20)>>4338809>Bet! Surprise attack! (1d20)>Do I get cool godly powers too?
Rolled 5 (1d20)>>4338809>>Bet! Surprise attack! (1d20)>>Do I get cool godly powers too?
SOMEONE ELSE GET A 20!!!
>>4338849>>4338812Yeah, ya'll are fucked as is. I'm drawing now, but I'm still hoping for a great roll that makes me go back and redraw.
>>4338812>>4338849Ya’ll didn’t ask for ANOTHER reward even after getting your ass kicked last time. Ask again if you don’t die.Result: Poor“We’ll kill him. There’s no way I’ll mess this up again. He’s pretty much already dead.””Good. That’s what I want to hear. Charge up that laser. It’ll happen fast.”You charge up, ready to destroy this guy.”NOW”In a flash you’re in front of Ruk, you jam the laser straight into his neck and say the best one-liner you can think of:OH SHIT, YOU DON’T HAVE A ONE-LINER!!Ruk, defects the laser and grabs you. You’re now on the defensive.What do?>Turn it around (1d20)>Brace for impact (1d20)>Maybe Valerie can do something (1d20)>Other (probably 1d20)
Rolled 12 (1d20)>>4338921>Other Try to overheat laser gun, make it explode!Nothing gets between me and centaur titties!
Rolled 12 (1d20)>>4338928+1
Rolled 9 (1d20)>>4338928+1
>>4338928>>4338930[Result: decent]“CENTAUR TITTIES!!!!”You overheat the laser and shove it into Ruk’s mouth. There’s no getting it back as it explodes, leaving Ruk really fucking wounded, but it’s not over just yet!What do?>Valerie finish off (1d20+5)>John Johnstone finish off (1d20+5)>Other (probably 1d20+5)Don’t fuck it up.
>>4338957You lucky sonofabitch. I didn't see it
Rolled 19 (1d20)>>4338962>>John Johnstone finish off (1d20+5)JOJOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Rolled 13 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>4338962>John Johnstone finish off (1d20+5)He's a god right? He should do it.
Rolled 19 + 5 (1d20 + 5)>>4338962>John Johnstone finish off (1d20+5)
>>4338968>>4338973Hell yeah![RESULT: FUCKED HIM UP GOOD]That explosion created a hand-sized hole. You take advantage by reaching in, grabbing something and pulling it out. Apparently, it was important because he collapsed real quick. This guy is dead and somehow you doubt even elephant healing juice will be enough to bring him back.Valerie trots over.“Damn. That was brutal. Nice.”What do?>Teabag him!>Situational awareness! (Take a look around the room)>Oh shit, we really lost our weapon. Do you have any ideas for a replacement? Cause I sure don’t.>Shut up, OP, give me a replacement in our level up>Maybe the moon people will have something?>Other
>>4339005>Situational awareness! (Take a look around the room)>Oh shit, we really lost our weapon. Do you have any ideas for a replacement? Cause I sure don’t.
>>4339005>Situational awareness! (Take a look around the room)>Oh shit, we really lost our weapon. Do you have any ideas for a replacement? Cause I sure don’t."Hey Valerie give me the succ I killed that purple nigga"
>>4339005>Situational awareness! (Take a look around the room)>Shut up, OP, give me a replacement in our level uppower of the John Johnstone
>>4339010>>4339014>>4339053Level up! Ability unlocked: Antenna BlastValerie level up: to be determined“Valerie! I ripped it’s fucking heart or something out! That’s worth a succ or three!”No, you’ll have to do something like conquer the whole fucking planet. All you’ve done is swept up the broken glass from the mirror you dropped.O. That’s the conquer the planet thing. Well, better hurry up for that centaur succ! Whatever, you look around the room. There’s hollow rocks everywhere. Shit. This dude just murdered a shit ton of Valerie’s gods. That should really be worth a succ desu, senpai.Then, wouldntchaknow it, a moonman comes it with a plate of foodI heard a ruckus, master! Is everything okay?What do?>OH HAYELLL NAH, This fucking cuck gonna get what he deserves>Oh shit, Valerie!>Hey nerd! What’s our power up? We killed this guy, and we deserve even more stuff>Other
>>4339068Valerie's comments are blue. If they look red, it's only because you're a filthy coomer.
>>4339068>Hey nerd! What’s our power up? We killed this guy, and we deserve even more stuff
>>4339053I MEANT JOJO
>>4339068>>OH HAYELLL NAH, This fucking cuck gonna get what he deserves
>>4339131I knew what you meant, senpai>>4339079“Hey! Look at what we did! We killed the evil oppressor or something. Can we get godlike powers now?””Oh, uhhh, about that, yeah, have you been talking to the ellifants or something? We kinda told them we were gods. I don’t know, it seemed funny at the time, and things got out of hand, so we’ll drop a reject’s home there every so often and they love it. We, uhhh, have a reality show about it. It’s kind of hilarious. But yeah thanks for killing that guy. He said he’d kill me if I-““I trusted you””Did you say something, abomination?“I prayed to you. I trusted you. I knew you would protect me when the nights were too cold to sleep and the fires were too bright to light. I knew you watched over me, but it was a lie, a joke.””Hey, put the gun down, I mean it wasn’t me, an-“BANGWhat do?>Oh shit! OH SHIT! Uhhhh, it’s like a dead hooker! I’ve dealt with those before. We got to hide the body.>Conquer the moon! It’s starting I guess!>Damn it, Valerie! What did you do?>Fucking shit, man.>Other
>>4339142>>Oh shit! OH SHIT! Uhhhh, it’s like a dead hooker! I’ve dealt with those before. We got to hide the body.>>Conquer the moon! It’s starting I guess!CAUSE WE'RE HECKIN JOESTARS THAT'S WHY
>>4339142>Oh shit! OH SHIT! Uhhhh, it’s like a dead hooker! I’ve dealt with those before. We got to hide the body.>Conquer the moon! It’s starting I guess!
>>4339156>>4339169Well, its corpse is only a rock with a hole through it, in a room full of moon people corpses. So hiding it isn’t really a problem. You just throw it on the pile of rock skulls. What’s harder to hide is Valerie screaming and shooting indiscriminately, so you join her and start screaming while shooting indiscriminately too.While at like your 5th or 6th murdered unarmed civilian, you start thinking, ‘wait, what if there’s a better way to take over the moon?’What do?>Head to the tallest tower. It might be a broadcast station. We’ll tell them we own them and that means we conquered them!>Head to the fanciest building. It might be the king’s palace. If we kill him, we become king of the moon!>Head to the nearest source of psychic energy. If we control the energy, we control the people!>Nah, let’s just keep shooting. It’s simpler this way.>Other
Rolled 1 (1d2)>>43392191 = Head to the fanciest building. It might be the king’s palace. If we kill him, we become king of the moon!2 = Head to the nearest source of psychic energy. If we control the energy, we control the people!
>>4339219>Nah, let’s just keep shooting. It’s simpler this way.The leader will ask us to stop shooting his people eventually. Then we shoot him! Genius.
>>4339236>>4339241You shout to Valerie "Fuck this, shoot them as we go if you must, but I have a plan!"You both continue your rampage while heading toward the largest rock structure. Wouldntchaknowit, it rises up out of the ground, supported by psychic energy legs.You know it's staring at you both. IT'S BOSS FIGHT TIME AGAIN!What do?>Shoot it? I don't know? (1d20)>That thing is pretty big, tho. What if we try to disrupt those supports? (1d20)>I give up. Maybe it will just imprison us?>Other (probably 1d20)
I'm guessing this quest follows B-movie logic and Valerie has infinite ammo...
>>4339275>That thing is pretty big, tho. What if we try to disrupt those supports? (1d20)
>>4339277It uses psychic energy, of course. Also, everything I do is a B-movie or worse
>>4339282That needs a roll, friend.
Rolled 11 (1d20)>>4339290
Rolled 17 (1d20)>>4339275>>That thing is pretty big, tho. What if we try to disrupt those supports? (1d20)
>>4339301>>4339291 High and low rolls are worth more than middle rolls, so this was a good roll[Result: Good!] There is absolutely no way some .223 rounds are penetrating that rock. We need a plan to turn the tables!.Oh yeah! There was that psychic energy tower that you passed up earlier. Let's go shoot random stuff and hope for the best!Just like in all the best B-movies, you make it to the tower plot point and just like in the worst B-movies, you just start shooting it. Amid the destruction, you contemplate how you really miss the ray gun. That shit was cool. Nonetheless! It was a solid roll! the best happens! The legs of the notwaroftheworlds alien are destroyed in an energetic overload. You wonder if that killed moon people too until a builder crawls out of the head of the monster.Sweet! Level up!Whichenyouwant?>Another ray gun, but upgraded too!>Oooooo what about mind control?>Healing powers?>A grappling hook>OtherWhat do? Also, he's defeated. No need to roll.>Demand he make us king of the moon>I wonder if Valerie is still mad.>Alien tech for sure this time!>Other
>>4339363>A grappling hook>Demand he make us king of the moonWe are spy-king now who gets centaur succ
>>4339370Sweet? You got a grappling hook. Who knows why you want a grappling hook, but you got one now!You grab the rock."Let's end this. The moon is mine. Also, apologize to the centaur."I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I don't know what I did to her, but I'm sorry for it! Please don't kill me! The moon is yours. I just sent out a message. It's yours. You're king, just please let me live, master!Can these guys be more pathetic? Man, I really hate them. What do?>Just kill it.>Well, we got a moon, but not the planet. Let's get back to the planet.>Let's just settle for a moon kingdom. I like settling for lesser things!>Other
>>4339363>Oooooo what about mind control?>Demand he make us king of the moon
>>4339401>tfw no mind control>Well, we got a moon, but not the planet. Let's get back to the planet.
>>4339402Ha! I would have picked mind control in the tie, too! I threw grappling hook in because I kept trying to get people to take it in the ninja-themed Leave The Cave, but it never got a single vote. I'll try to make it work somehow, though.>>4339432>>4339405I'll update in the morning. I just didn't want to keep y'all hanging tonight. As always, thanks for playing!
>>4339445You continue on."Now listen. The moon is mine, but you see that planet? I want it too. I want it all, so you're going to send me there. You're going to send me somewhere important, the largest city or a capital city. I want to capture a planet to get that centaur succ.""Yes sire, whatever you say, master! Wait, what was that last part?"TELEPORT ME"Of course! Of course! I will, but I'm not strong enough to send you there on my own. There's a teleport building nearby to help most of us"The builder leads you to the building and asks you to place your hand on another pedestal."Yes, sire, just like that. Just hold still. Goodbye... master[1/2]
>>4340171This is definitely not a capital city. This doesn't even look alien! What a rip-off! You're just in some forest. There's still two suns, so you guess it's still Earf, but you're now innawoods.Also, Valerie may have anger issues.What do?>Yell at the moon with Valerie.>Climb a tree, try to figure out anything nearby.>Ask Valerie if she knows where we are.>Let's just start walking. Maybe Valerie has some way to tell directions.>Ponder why he didn't just, I don't know, teleport you into space or something.>Other
>>4340179>Ask Valerie if she knows where we are.>Grapple up a tree, we have a grappling hook after all.
>>4340179>>Climb a tree, try to figure out anything nearby.>>Ask Valerie if she knows where we are.
>>4340186>>4340203"AND ANOTHER THING! I ASKED FOR A PONY, NOT TO BE-""VALERIE!""Wha?""Where are we?""Oh this? This is the forest of unending pain. A place deserving of fear and avoidance from the extremely dangerous creatures that lurk here. It's also kinda pretty, really.""Cool, so how do we get out?""Oh, yeah, see that totally ordinary looking tree? That is the tree of Rorrik! If we head Norf, we’ll get to the Capital!""You're messing with me.""Yeah.” She sighed, “I shouldn't be such a bitch about this, though. I owe you for sticking by me when I shot the builder and kindasorta rampaged and killed a lot of people. Also, the Builder King totally would have killed me superdead. I just wish I had an idea about the surroundings. My bad."Oh snap! This is your chance to show space-themed grappling hooks aren’t completely useless! You shoot the sticky hook into the canopy and it jerks you up in moments. I bet you looked SICK as hell.Anyway, you see a large body of water, a cliff, and a flat mountain.Where to?>Water! Maybe we can use it to navigate>Cliff! I don’t know why you’d want to go here, but maybe it’ll give you a chance to look SICK with that grappling hook again>Mountain! There may be elves, and there’s definitely a centaur. Maybe there’s dwarves?>Other
>>4340228>>Cliff! I don’t know why you’d want to go here, but maybe it’ll give you a chance to look SICK with that grappling hook again
>>4340322”Valerie, I saw some cliffs up there. My gut is telling me it’s important to go visit it.”“Sure. My plan was to continue yelling at the moon, so going to a cliff is just as good as anything I was about to do.”When you get to the cliffs, you pull off some SICK grappling hook, alien-spy moves, but you’re also travelling with a centaur. Like, I don’t want to talk about a girl’s weight, but she weighs as much as a horse. You’re not going to be able to pull her up with you, so you both find a more sloping way up. For what it’s worth, though, it was very impressive alien-spy moves.Anyway, you get to the overlook of the cliff and skygaze. Valerie is a bit too high strung to take it so easy. You may have dozed a bit too. It was actually pretty nice.“T-rex.””What?”“There’s a T-rex down the cliff. I thought it was cool, and wanted you to check it out.”And sure enough, there is a T-rex down the cliff. It’s harmless from here, but it’s a reminder that this forest really isn’t safe, and maybe you shouldn’t be so busy skygazing.What do?>This forest really isn’t safe. Let’s try to find some shelter in the cliffs. There may be a cave nearby, and it might be nightish soon since one of the suns is getting lower.>Let’s try to make it a little further (where?)>NIGGA, THAT’S A T-REX! I WANT IT>Other
>>4340430>>NIGGA, THAT’S A T-REX! I WANT ITAra ara
>>4340437Mobile-posting again. Really need to remember to use a trip.
>>4340437You jump off the cliff.You were thinking, ‘Oh, I could just start swinging around with the grappling hook and land on its back and uhhh tame it!’ You know what, no. You weren’t thinking at all. Now you’re falling off a cliff towards the ground and a t-rex. At least you strike a cool pose as you fall. If you somehow survive, it’ll look totally badass. It’s that not-dying part that’ll get you, though.What do?>Back to the plan! Use the grappling hook! (1d20)>… I got nothing else. This is on you.>Other (probably 1d20)
Rolled 1 (1d20)>>4340543>>Other (probably 1d20)YEE HAW IT’S HECKIN RODEO TIME!!! GET ON THAT BASTARD’S BACK!!!
>>4340549Fuck someone help
>>4340549Just imagine what this looks like to Valerie or the T-rex. You woke up, and jumped off a cliff. I'm so disappointed in you right now.What do?>Just lay there in pain. It's like a grizzly bear. If it thinks you're dead, it won't mess with you.>You win this round, gravity, but I'm fighting a T-rex. You'll get yours in a moment.>Maybe just switch over to Valerie. She might be able to save you.>Other
>>4340567>You win this round, gravity, but I'm fighting a T-rex. You'll get yours in a moment.WE CAN'T GIVE UP!!! NOT WHEN OUR CONQUERING IS ON THE LINE!!!
>>4340600Do I really need to remind you how colossally bad of an idea this is?What do?>SHUT UP, OP, YOU DON’T HAVE FAITH, BUT I DO! TAME! (1d20)>Maybe if we kill it, we can get a level up as a participation trophy (1d20+3)>Run Away! We can live!!>Other
Rolled 18 (1d20)>>4340616>>Maybe if we kill it, we can get a level up as a participation trophy (1d20+3)I laugh in the face of danger, OP.
Rolled 9 (1d20)>>4340616>>Maybe if we kill it, we can get a level up as a participation trophy (1d20+3)maybe we'll level up
>>4340656>>4340620All right! Participation trophy it is! At least this part looked badass enough that Valerie will 100% give you the succ!Honestly, you don’t even have a plan for taming it. What are you going to do? Whisper sweet nothings in its ear and hope for the best? But you know what you do have a plan for? Killing assholes.You shoot the grappling hook towards its leg. See the plan is the you get it, and then run around and trip -OH SHIT He just kicked that grappling hook cord! You seem to achieve vertical lift as you wrap around its legs That’s right! We Star Wars now!. HE GOES DOWN! Now’s your chance to tame it. I know what I said before but, look, I just really want to tame this thing and oh. Oh no. I’m not a t-rex veterinarian, but I don’t thing legs are supposed to have that many bends in them, and definitely not at those angles. As sad as it is, we have to put him down.He gives one last frustrated roar as you fire an antenna blast into his mouth.Level up!Whichenyouwant?>Mind control!>Teleportation! (Limited to a few hundred miles or so).>Upgraded grappling hook (Open to suggestions)>OtherWhat do?>Wait for Valerie.>Tell her how much you deserve the succ like some beta bitch.>Cook up dinner! Are these edible? They’re probably edible.>Camp>Move through night (where?)>Other
Rolled 1 (1d2)>>43407251=mind control2=teleportation>Cook the T-Rex as your dinner. Establish dominance as the superior species by consuming predator.
>>4340725>>Teleportation! (Limited to a few hundred miles or so).Ideally it brings anyone we're touching with us>Cook up dinner! Are these edible? They’re probably edible.Eat it to gain its power
>>4340736>>4340727Ability Unlocked: TeleportationOh sweet! You can now teleport you and one or two others (more people = shorter distance)! Take that moon people! Actually, speaking of moon people, I wonder if you could use a builder structure to get back to the moon? Oh well! You better eat to gain THE POWER OF A T-REX!While it’s cooking, Valerie comes up!“I thought you were dead! But you’re alive! Maybe, there is something out there! Not the builders, but something. I saw the smoke right at second sunset, but I still can’t believe it! You’re alive!”“Yep! Want some dinner? Centaurs eat meat right?”[ability unlocked: POWER OF A T-REX, which is apparently a full stomach for the time being!]Ain’t no animal going to fuck with the thing that just killed a t-rex. You camp out under the stars. Valerie tells you about some caves she found in the rock. They don’t look entirely natural, and she was just going to follow them for a while if she hadn’t found you. You wake up at dawn, a great night’s sleep behind you and Valerie.What do?>Go to the mountain>Go to the water>Go to the caves>Other
>>4340792>>Go to the cavesHere we go again...
>>4340855You ask where the caves are, precisely, and you take hold of Valerie's hand. In a blink, you're in front of the cave system. Valerie was right! There is something eerily unnatural about these caves.[1/2]
>>4340954Nothing in this cave is quite right. First of all, there’s glowing stones behind crystals, allowing you to see without torches. The passageways, while rugged, are easily passable. You contemplate the scenery when suddenly, a 5’11” manlet jumps out of nowhere!”You got balls, boy?”What do?>What?>Yes>No>Bigger than yours, bitch>Punch him>Other
>>4341005>You're missing an inch to be talking to me like that
>>4341051>>4341017>>4341017"You're missing an inch to be talking to me like that! I'm surprised I can even hear you. You have such a big grown-up voice, don't you, little guy?"I AM THE KING OF THE MANLETS. I WON’T TAKE THIS FROM ANYONE, ESPECIALLY SOME LANKLET LIKE YOU! MEET ME IN MY COLLUSEUM”What do?>Be the bigger man and walk away.>”What do I get when I win?”>Other
>>4341055>”What do I get when I win?”
>>4341055>>”What do I get when I win?”
>>4341064>>4341078"Let's raise the stakes! What about a wager? What will I get when I win?I'll take a wager, if you could win, I'd give you the whole dwarven army, but when I win, I'm taking that cute little centaur of yours. I bet you haven't even tapped that, have you?Low blow. He's dead."One hour, make sure a child's bodybag is on hand, little man.As he walks away, he slaps your centaur's ass and is gone.What do?>Oh, we fighting (1d20)>Let's pussy out. He looks strong.>Other (probably 1d20 anyway)
Rolled 6 (1d20)>>4341097>Oh, we fighting (1d20)>Slap Centaurs ass too
Rolled 8 (1d20)>>4341097KILL HIM!!!
Rolled 3 (1d20)>>4341107+1
CALL GONDOR FOR AIDWE NEED MOAR ROLLS!!!
>>4341102>>4341107>>4341110You slap that centaur ass too.Oh, she likes it."Good luck out there."But you do not have good luck out there.>1D20, WITH SOME FUCKING SPIRIT!
Rolled 8 (1d20)>>4341129Use 6ft powers
Rolled 3 (1d20)>>4341129Grapple his face!
>>4341132>>4341134[Result: Not good]You activate your 6ft powers. With them nothing you set your mind to is out of reach.OH NO! He activates his manlet powers of casual gains! Any bonus you may have acquired is negated!What do?>Thump him real good! (1d20)>Do something else! Less retarded sounding (1d20)>Negotiate for a tie?>Other
Rolled 2 (1d20)>>4341157>>Do something else! Less retarded sounding (1d20)teleport behind him and shoot our lazers down on him
Rolled 6 (1d20)>>4341164>>Do something else! Less retarded sounding (1d20)
>>4341170Oh shit dawg. Them dice man...It's like they want us to lose to the manlet.
Rolled 12 (1d20)>>4341157>>Do something else! Less retarded sounding (1d20)KICK HIS NUTS
>>4341176>>4341170>>4341164Low and high rolls get weighted more than average rolls. I'm sorry.You teleport behind him. "Nothin' pers-"ooof, that elbow, though. Are you sure I'm following the right person? Shit, I'm going to swap along with Valerie to Team Manlet. You have literally one more chance before I'm calling it.MAKE IT COUNT. I DON'T WANT TO FOLLOW SOME FUCKING MANLET. GET YOU, YOUR BROTHER, YOUR MOM, AND YOUR FUCKING GRANDMA IN HERE. BRING SOME HATE.>1D20 FOR THE LAST TIME
Rolled 6 (1d20)>>4341191
Rolled 16 (1d20)>>4341191
Rolled 16 (1d20)>>4341191Watch this manlet!
>>4341214>>4341210>>4341200[Result: Solid, but also this is coming off a LOT of really terrible rolls]You catch the dwarf and throw him towards a wall. He's dazed, but the fight isn't over. Not just yet. END IT. GIVE ME A NAT 20. GIVE ME SOMETHING TO WORK WITH, AND DON'T FUCK IT UP!
Rolled 19 (1d20)>>4341239Laser his legs. Make him shorter
>>4341241ok i'll take that
>>4341239I’m not even going to bother rolling.
Rolled 2 (1d20)>>4341239
Rolled 7 (1d20)>>4341239
Rolled 5 (1d20)>>4341241+1
>>4341293>>4341291>>4341281>>4341241You throw a punch into the manlet’s head, ready to crush his skull, but he twists at the last second and delivers a kick into your chest, staggering you back for a moment. He throws himself off the wall, into the air and comes down at blinding speed with an outstretched foot towards your own skull, but you’re ready. You have a charged antenna blast with his name on it.Shit! It was too fast! I missed it! But you’re waking up. Oh shit, that’s probably bad. Is it bad? I forgot to put the result down, so I can’t tell!What do?>Situational awareness>Nah, Imma sleep>Other
>>4341312>Situational awarenessWhy did you fags roll after the 19? Why?
>>4341318I blame azl3sLQSI was trying to fix it after that faggot fucked it up
>>4341322+1 for blaming 2fag>situational awareness
>>4341318>>4341322>>4341326”BROOOOOO”You open your eyes.”BROOOOOOOO!!!!!! That was the coolest fight! I think it was a draw! I mean I woke up first, but I had these artificial legs. I think they mismeasured by an inch! Check it out! I’m 6’0” too!”Oh no, why couldn’t you just lose?”Anyway, you earned my respect. Maybe not my armies, but your centaur is your own. She’s actually been worried about you. I haven’t seen someone obsessively field strip an AR one hundred eighty-seven times in a row before. Listen! I hope we rematch again one day after I get used to these things, but until then, my home is your home, and you’re welcome to roam the halls in the dwarf kingdom, or look for information to get wherever you’re headed. Take it easy, man!”I… I don’t know man. This is just wrong. Did fighting chill him out? Was it becoming “6 ft”? I just… Let’s leave.What do?>Get information, leave.>Talk with Valerie, leave.>Leave, just go. I don’t care.>Other
>>4341349>Talk with Valerie, leave.>Once a manlet always a manlet.
>>4341355>>4341360“John Johnstone! This is the second time I thought I lost you! Stop trying to die all the time, you big idiot!””Hey Valerie, what did I miss?”“Well, I did some research and I know where we are now. I guess we can leave this place and go wherever it is you think we should go next!”Where to?>Capital city>Market city>Some old ruins Valerie ran into some rumors about>Fuck it. Day off. We’re going to the beach.>Other
>>4341390>Fuck it. Day off. We’re going to the beach.>Politely ask for succ
>>4341390Hey! I just wanted to give the heads up that I'll update in the morning. Thanks for playing today and tonight! I think this has been my favorite adventure in this quest, and I appreciate you all making it happen!
>>4341401>>4341391[Result: tie, I'm going with beach day]https://youtu.be/ColB2i-Ml0M?t=12It’s a beach day!That last fight was rough, and you feel something in the air: things are about to get real. And it’s going to get real real fast. You take a day. Right now, no one cares who you are, where you are, or what you’re doing, except maybe Valerie, who looks like she hasn’t had a day off in years. All this is about to change, but until then, you’re going to enjoy it.It’s sunset now. You and Valerie are chilling out by the water, bellies full from fish. Now’s the time! Say something extra smooth, and be polite, but don’t be a pussy.”Hey girl, I just want to say you look beautiful. How do you feel about giving me the succ?”“I watched you puke on a manlet after he elbowed you in the gut. Then, he knocked you clean out. It was kind of disappointing to watch, and you’ll need to do some cool shit before I can get that puke fight out of my head.”She leans down and gives you a really solid 10/10 kiss.“And this is because I believe that you will.”What do?>Tell OP that you want the succ now.>WE GONN GET THAT CENTAUR SUCC! TO THE CAPITAL!>Side quest somewhere else?>Other
>>4342181>WE GONN GET THAT CENTAUR SUCC! TO THE CAPITAL!Also I just realized how is the centaur going to react when we show our real body.
>>4342188>>4342427In the morning you find out exactly where the capital is. You take Valerie's hand and a few teleports later you spy the gleam of a busy metropolis. One more jump and you are standing in the middle of a busy street. Elephants begin screaming and running and aimlessly running. There are fires. Why did the golden gleam of the city turn gray and dead? Oh no. This is not a good entrance into the city.What do?>Nah, this is fine. Let's just head to some place important.>Interrogate!>I mean I guess you can just start shooting again>Console them! You come in peace... kinda>Other
>>4343149>I mean I guess you can just start shooting again
>>4343149>>Console them! You come in peace... kinda
>>4343154>>4343162>>4343165Ahhh, the old tried and true way of getting results: shooting innocents. You shoot at one, and he keeps going. Valerie shrugs and shoot at him too, but this little elephant dude just keeps on chugging along. Wait, you notice a blue flash around him. Huh, they really are pretty technologically advanced. I guess they have projectile shields. It would be pretty baller if he wasn’t still running around screaming. As it is, it’s just sad.A stereotypical UFO comes to rest in between the buildings.“John. Stop this at once. We need to talk.”It then drops down a glowing purple beam.What do?>”It’s John Johnstone!”>Go into purple beam>Screw that let’s teleport/grapple hook and punch it, but really, really hard! (1d20)>Other
>>4343208>”It’s John Johnstone!”
>>4343208>>”It’s John Johnstone!”
>>4343216>>4343218IT'S JOHN JOHNSTONE! GET IT RIGHT![Power up: brief buff to being a badass]What do?
>>4343226>Go into purple beam while being VERY badass
Rolled 12 (1d20)>>4343226HURL A LARGE VEHICLE AT THE SPACESHIP!!!
Rolled 7 (1d20)>>4343226MASSIVE LASER BEAM TO SPACESHIP
Rolled 17 (1d20)>>4343226Teleport inside and destroy the controls
>>4343276Nice roll! But I was almost done drawing. Also, the powerup meant a guaranteed success>>4343244>>4343236You sprint down the street. This is it. Capital City's Elephant King, probably. He sounded like he had some authority anyway. Maybe general? Why does everyone use a monarchy here? Oh well! You jump and latch the grappling hook to the side of the tractor beam’s exit. You’re jerked upwards, go feet first into the ship, add in an air spinny trick for good measure and land ready to lunge.“That was pretty cool. Kinda unnecessary, though. This wasn’t a trap. The trap was down there.”What do?>“What are you talking about?”>Just kill him.>OtherI’m sorry.
>>4343312>>“What are you talking about?”>>Just kill him.Do both. Yeet
>>4343312>“What are you talking about?”>Just kill him.I wonder if we can get centaur succ after that badassey
>>4343330>>4343334I'll give you the option to kill him still, but you asked first, so it's only right to know.“What are you talking about, elephant?”“Look at me. I’m overweight, even for a species that can barely survive on its own. The only reason we even made it this far is because our gods saved us time and time again. The gods you killed. What can I do against a godkiller? But Valerie we know. We made her. And we needed you away from her to take her back. Honestly, you could probably kill us all on the way to save her, or kill literally everything on this planet out of revenge if we killed her, so I offer you a choice: Leave. Take Valerie and just give up on this planet.Or kill me, take over the planet. My friends will have already separated Valerie back to human and horse on my death. You know, she’ll still be Valerie, but she won’t be centaur.”What do?>Accept offer>”I’ll kill you, and save Valerie before you even have the chance”>Kill him>Other
>>4343359>Accept offer>Call him a purple Elephrigger
>>4343365+1 Let's conquer another planet.
>>4343365>>4343367>>4343371”YOU FATASS ELEPHRIGGER BASTARD I’LL EAT YOUR FUCKING BABIES AND GUT EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!”“Will you accept, John Johnstone?”“Fuck you. I’ll… I’ll accept.”“Thank you.” I’ll bring you to your new spaceship now. Valerie will be on board. When you get on, it will leave. The only question is ‘where to?’”>Take me to another planet. There’s conquering to do, and this one is filled with assholes.>Take me to Earth. I’m just going to settle down.>Other
>>4343411>Take me to another planet. There’s conquering to do, and this one is filled with assholes.>"May your race collectively neck themselves, too bad there isn't rope strong enough."
>>4343411>Take me to another planet. There’s conquering to do, and this one is filled with assholes.>I want a planet where all the women have big titties
>>4343411>>Take me to another planet. There’s conquering to do, and this one is filled with assholes.
>>4343424>>4343420>>4343418Neither of you renege. He’s an asshole, and you make some comments about how his people should use their technology to develop ropes strong enough to handle their fatass species collectively necking themselves, but he just nods along, unphased by your comments, apparently too relieved at living to even care. He leads you to the ship, and you trust in your teleportation skills enough that if he was lying, you would just slaughter them all.“JOHN JOHNSTONE!”Your thoughts are interrupted by hair and arms, and Valerie pressed against you.“Thank you so much! I can’t even tell you how much that means to me! You accepted me for being this way! And you gave up conquering this planet for it! I.. I just thank you.She distracted you long enough with those feminine wiles that the ship left teleportation range of the planet. You really are leaving it behind.What do?>OP. You know what do.>No! I’m scared.>Other
>>4343484>OP. You know what do.
>>4343484I think I know where this is going...
>>4343523REVEAL YOUR TRUE FORM TO VALERIE AND SEE IF SHE'LL LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE!
>>4343494>>4343517>>4343523>>4343538She give you the succ.Thanks everyone for playing! As you can imagine, it takes quite a bit of my time when I run a quest, since I try to update frequently and give a lot of effort in my drawings, but I have IRL stuff I need to get back to. I'll have Season 2 another time if there's interest, but thank you all for playing! Feedback is appreciated!Also, she digs your true form too.
>>4344051Next time, we'll hit that horse pussy
We got the succ boys. We did it.