OH SHIT NIGGER, you're Fester Winchester, the rootin' tootin' space cowboy, owner of the Marshal. A giant super robot that is also a rootin' tootin' space cowboy. You also died once and is now a cyborg with a huge pompadour. Shit happens.Now, you and your Space Pirate buddy is planning to ambush some aliens who were responsible for the destruction of the colony you were living in. what do
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>3852954now lets go over the game plan with top of the line action figures. Mechanic thinks they are dolls.
>>3852958Alright so, you'll be represented by the limited collector's edition Gunslinger Joe the Space Cowboy. While Ed will be represented by Scurvy Steve, the Pirate
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>3852965We lay a food trap to lure in the aliens
>>3852968Right, and the trap will be presented as this limited edition piece of cheese
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>3852973Now the aliens come and swoop in on the food
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>3852985Now take Fester and Edward figurines and start wildly trashing them at the alien "And then we beat the shit out of them!"
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>3852985Little did they know that the food had a bomb in it. And they have eaten the bomb
>>3852992WITH A BOOM! AND A POW! AND A KAPOW! PEW PEW PEW! KSSCHOWWW! PSSSHHHHHBOOOOM!
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>3853002It's a flawless plan, Edward!!!I'm off to a 12 hour wagie shift cya OP
>>3853009Good luck anon
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3853015it turns out the bomb was fester's ideaand he put a firecracker in there. it goes off
>>3853029Ed, considering the state of the action figures, vetos the bomb idea.
>>3853034"Considering that the figures are now basically ash. Let's not use the bomb if we are to get into a scrap with the xenos"
>>3853046AI restores the action figures for further simulation. This time we will try poison, using a space rat as the alien
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>3853046food time
>>3853056"Yes, time to find a suitable bait for the aliens....Or do you mean you're hungry?"
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>3853061both.....
>>3853064"Alright. You go research for what we can use at bait, while I'll have Dai whip up some of those cyborg compatible veggie sludge"
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>3853073mess that job up
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>3853073wait... these aliens... they consume... Matter... what if ... they ate ...ANTI-MATTER?!
>>3853073>trusting fester with anything that's not cowboy stuff
>>3853078cyborgow boy stuff
>>3853076Of course! If we trick the aliens into eating anti-matter, then they'll probably get a bad case of indigestion from matter meeting anti-matter and explode! Or implode! Whichever!or some random bullshit could happen and they get empowered or something, but what are the chances of that happening?
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>3853086Very few because Fester came up with a fool proof plan involving a dyson sphere.
>>3853086when did fester get so fat?
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>3853086>meanwhile, in the alien hq
>>3853091it's just his poncho, makes him look fat
>>3853096just like my old highschool pictures. Why would they schedule poncho day with picture day!?
>>3853090Of course! It's perfect! First you just need a dyson sphere. a star and an antimatter bomb! You lure the aliens into the star, but you would have secretly placed the bomb there, disguised as food! When the aliens realize what has happened, the sphere has already encompassed the star, trapping the aliens inside! When the bomb goes off, whatever happens will be contained inside the sphere, and since a star is in there, it'll probably get destroyed and turn into a black hole, thus sucking up everything giving you no hassle!Clearly there's nothing wrong with this plan
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>3853105make it so, we just need to Dyson Dimsome Dyson Sphere expo, Sure he has a couple lying around after that Half Life 3 sale. Its like having a Humvee lot after 9/11!
>>3853115>Dyson Sphere expoI'm not sure we have the stock footage for that.
>>3853115Yeah. You still can't believe they actually put the HL3 demo on sale back then. The full game's gonna come out any day now, you just know it. Anyway, time to convince Edward to buy us one.
>>3853128just enlarge a death star
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>3853130add pretty please at the end of your sales pitch
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>3853130Everyone else is astonished by the brillance of your cunning plan
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>3853130>The full game's gonna come out any dayHey, Duke Nukem Forever came out, so anything's possible.Granted that was a massive pile of shit, but still.Also I say we convince Edward with a musical number.
>>3853144my god you are a genius
>>3853144Alright, let's start writing down the lyrics then.
>>3853155Bruv you got me kinda on the spot here. Let's go for an interpretive dance instead.
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>3853155a dyson sphere is what we needanti matter bomb to rupture the alien spleenSuck them in a black whole thenjust like your momma got her men!
>>3853163hm hm yes. WHat else?
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>3853155>>3853163>your momma got her menEveryone else suddenly gets the feeling of incoming dread
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>3853168Have bandit write the rest he is a musical genius
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>3853168>>3853172He actually saves the song and turns it imnto an opera
>>3853178better not be german. Those sound horrible
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>3853168>>3853178
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>3853183>>3853178
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>3853183Bandit writes the greatest and most tragic lyrics to be conceived by an intelligent mind, but they're all written in pawprints. That's the tragedy
>>3853196harder Bandit Gamubate!
>>3853200Finally, it is finished. Bandit wipes the sweat off his brow after a job well done.
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>3853215gather the gospel robot group we got a show to put on
>>3853219What gospel robot group? Edward doesn't have one of those lying around
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>3853229fine looks like we are gonna have to use the crew
>>3853241Of course, now, how can you convince them to join in your musical number?"Hey Fester, your food's ready. Come to the dining hall" you here Edward over the ship's intercom
>>3853251I say we call their masculinity into question if they don't help in the production
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>3853251head over to vegetarian slop only to catch Mechanic and her passable singing voice
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>3853275convince mechanic.
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>3853276Roll 2d200 to try and add her to your singing troupe
Rolled 115, 126 = 241 (2d200)>>3853279
Rolled 149, 55 = 204 (2d200)>>3853279
>>3853284"Alright, i'll join your musical group. As you said, it's his birthday, right?"
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>3853301"Yup, it's his dang ol' birthday. What a neat coincidenceI mean-- we gotta find more people ta finish this posse."
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>3853301yes, but its a surprise dont mention this to anyone.Head to the food court, Meet jester as he has a nice baritone.
>>3853303Let's keep moving until we do
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>3853319grab the two brothers, they can sing a nice duet
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>3853323"Yeah? You need what?"Roll 2d200
Rolled 152, 24 = 176 (2d200)>>3853332
Rolled 54, 42 = 96 (2d200)>>3853332
>>3853337>>3853337"Sorry pal, not interested"
>>3853348try again but add chocolate to the negotiating table
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>3853348Hmmm...hey Jester!
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>3853348Tell them it's for Edward's birthday.
>>3853360"Ah! Hello Fester! Back in action eh? Are you prepared to take down the evil doers that threatens the peace of the galaxy?"
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>3853369That is correct! Can you sing? All I have is synthesizer voice, listen, "BWAAAAA"
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3853369"Our collective assholes are gonna look like a Bad Dragon catalog if you don't help with our opera."
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>3853369yes and we have a musical number that will act as a birthday song and help us fight the aliens of injustice, we need your musical voice talents to pull it off!
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>3853377"wut"Roll 2d200
Rolled 68, 112 = 180 (2d200)>>3853381
Rolled 30, 104 = 134 (2d200)>>3853381
>>3853381Basically were making an opera to >>3853383Nevermind
>>3853383"The fate of the universe lies in this musical?! Ok, I'll help"
>>3853393Now to janitor and luchadore bot...luchabot
>>3853396"Sorry, I'll take no part in your shenanigans. I got a ship to clean" says the Janitor
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>3853396>>3853393dis since anon forgot to roll
>>3853405roll to convince
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>3853405How 'bout you luchabot?
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>3853413"Welll...."Roll 2d100
Rolled 40, 78 = 118 (2d100)>>3853417El Santo would do it
>>3853420"THEN I WILL JOIN YOU" Luchabot is added to the music troupe
>>3853424and onwards towards somebody who can actually help set up a fucking stage
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>3853424Off to the...uhhhh, who else is left? Dai?
>>3853435Dai's probably in the kitchen or the dining hall, since the cyborg ninja's the one who made you the sludge that's waiting for you
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3853437Ah shit! Random encounter
>>3853440Space Slime appeared!
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>3853450Fester uses Bang
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>3853450Fester use Punch self in face
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>3853461Ouch! Fester did damage to himself!The Space Slime attacks! Roll 2d100
Rolled 20, 69 = 89 (2d100)>>3853465Cast laser eyes
Rolled 182, 164 = 346 (2d200)>>3853465
>>3853474Thr Slime is defeated! And so is thread! Session on hold for now!
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>3853515we need to practice Bandit will help. He is a genius
So when is OP rising from the grave again?
>>3855476A food trap should bring him out
>>3855538You'll never catch me
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>3860355OP gets caughtnow he must decide: which bait has a firecracker in it?
>>3860365thinking's hard tho
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>3861990Eeeyah-eeeyah-ooh!
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>3862004Picking up where we left off...
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>3862004take his hat and rip the d off, now he is an unce
>>3862005Of course. You've just slain a space slime.
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>3862012We get 3xp and 5 gold
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>3862015Now onward, to lunch!
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>3862012gamehax
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>3862015gameshark code
>>3862017Dining Hall has been reached. Let's hope there's no more random battles
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>3862022We catch goo monster attempting to steal our vaggie paste-thing Dai cooked up
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>3862022>>3862026But it's Metal.
>>3862026! Robber Slime appears!
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>3862040Why do they keep stealing mah food, AAAAAH
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>3862040"pretend" to let it get away
>>3862044>>3862044Robber Slime slips away!
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>3862048Metal King Slime?
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>3862048Proceed with the singing thing already
>>3862057Metal King Slime appears!
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>3862064Use the SUPER ULTRA WOMBO COMBO MEGA ONE-TIME-ONLY MOVE to defeat him
Rolled 484622 (1d2000000)>>3862068OH SHIT HE'S ALREADY USING HIS POWER TO PHASE OUT OF REALITY! QUICKLY ROLL 2D100 TO DEFEAT HIM AND GET MASSIVE LOOT
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>3862071Thunder Thrust
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>3862071Goddammit
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>3862071>>3862073
>>3862075How unfortunate, the Metal King Slime ascended into another plane of existence just as your move was about to hit.
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>3862080Make fucking plot happen
>>3862082Anyway, you;ve reached Edward
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>3862080Look sad...
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>3862087Everyone ready? And one, and two and three...
>>3862099"wut" says the captainBefore you start, you notice that bandit rewrote some of your lyrics. Namely removing that line about Edward's mom
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>3862104Go through with it anyway!
>>3862109Go through with it as in keep the line about his mom or decide to keep with Bandit's script?
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>3862110Believe in Bandit.
Rolled 134 (1d200)>>3862119Now roll 2d100 to engage in an elaborate musical number about buying a dyson sphere
Rolled 22, 90 = 112 (2d100)>>3862126>d200Wait--THIS ISN'T COMBAT!
Rolled 72, 66 = 138 (2d100)>>3862126Okay
>>3862129Edward takes music very seriously
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>3862133Any constructive criticism?
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>3862133>>3862135
>>3862143"Well, you could do to work on your singing. Jester, you're very eager and energetic, but your enthusiasm had you singing out of sync with everyone. Mechanic, work on that pitch, my ears hurt. Fester....keep practicing. Luchabot, get a better autotune program. The lyrics could use less borks in it"Bandit takes offense to that last one
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>3862149I see, you heard him gang, where's Dai btw?
>>3862153"You need something? Your veg sludge is ready"
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>3862156P L O T
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>3862156Why can't goo aliens steal that?Ahem, yeah, wanna join our troupe?
>>3862160SUDDENLY THE SHIP HITS SOMETHING! WHABAM! The hull shakes as the Black Horse attempts to regain balance.
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>3862184Did the bait work?
>>3862198The upside is that turns out the aliens are baited by terrible singing, it also meant you didn't have to look for them.The downside is that you didn't even prepare a trap
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>3862208No problem!! Take the prettiest boy and make him wear dress then BAM! We got our trap!
>>3862228"Too bad we got no boys on this ship. Only MEN! HYUAARRGHH!!!!!" Then Edward does a flexing motion"But for real though. Battle stations! Fester, Jester! You're with me, get to the hangar. Everyone else, to the bridge and man the Black Horse's weapons"
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>3862236Deploy all 3!
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>3862236Ayeaye captain!
>>3862240The mechs are battle ready. Combat will commence!...in 20-ish hours. Work day's gonna start soon and communist overlords are bursting down my door any minute now. Updates b here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
I can't believe OP is fucking dead
>>3863436>finally run times and work times align for a perfect thread>OP diesIt's not fair
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>3863922wait a minute...
>>3864060Nope, he ded
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>3864206Unless.
>>3865304¿ya es hora?
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>3865478Bandit are reading Shakespeare and developing video game at the same time.
>>3865481Of course, with this combo, the game this dog is making will be...Shakespearean
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>3865492>Playtesting Fester tells him concerns over Romeo and Juliet now being a dark action fantasy game where you mow down legions of italians
>>3865503"bork"TL note: "Bork" means "You don't understand, Fester. The story of Romeo and Juliet can only be told sufficiently if between the tragic love scenes Romeo was doing sick 500 hits SSS rank combos"
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>3865507Fair enough...oh right, we're fighting a giant goo squid, what are you doing in my cockpit?
>>3865508He was communicating through one of the screens
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>3865510Ah I see...shoot the squid
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>3865513Jumping into battle! Roll 2d100
Rolled 91, 54 = 145 (2d100)>>3865520YOU WILL NOT STEAL MY VEGGIE PASTE!!!
>>3865522YOur shots hit the giant alien, it is seemingly unfazed
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>3865536Uhhhh...Edward ideas? Shooting is about all I can do without kicking someone in the shins?
>>3865545"Obviously, this thing's HP bar is huge. We gotta try and distract and harm it as much as possible while the Black Horse repositions itself so we can fire the main ship cannon at it"
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>3865553Alright...>And so we fly, annoying it by shooting it in the eyes
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>3865558Alright. Roll 2d100 to execute maneuverThe giant alien has +30 bonus
Rolled 16, 62 = 78 (2d100)>>3865565Rollingu
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>3865567You shot out its left pair of eyes! It'll try to retaliate against you! Roll 2d100!It has a +15 bonus!
Rolled 68, 88 = 156 (2d100)>>3865573Can't touch me
>>3865584Fucking hell I don't know why capitals matter so much
>>3865587syntax, I suppose
got work in 2 hours and thread is also dead. So it;s time for OP to die again. Much apologies.
Maybe I can finally make it to next thread
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>3867716Rise
Wait no, get back dfown there
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>3867721I SAID RISE AND SHINE, COMRADE, THE DAY HAS JUST BEGUN
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>3867724Fine geez....OH SHIT WATCHOUT A SNEAK ATTACKROLL 2D100+20 FOR THE ALIEN
Rolled 17, 30 = 47 (2d100)>>3867728
Rolled 74, 86 = 160 (2d100)>>3867728Oh shit!
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>3867721RISE!
>>3867734oh no the marshal is destroyed and u diedso sad
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>3867743No it didn't.
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>3867743Luckily, the alien separated the head cleanly, so it can deploy its rockets and reattach itself to the body.
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>3867743clearly the Marshal has a detachable head that is great for duel fighting like Gurren Lagaan.
>>3867745Unluckily, the strike messed up the rocket's system and this ability can never be used ever again.Also the Marshal lost some HP
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>3867750activate spiral power!hype thrusters at maximumset parameters to ludicrously high impossibility FIGHT DAH POWAH!
>>3867762Wait, do you even have that?Roll 2d100 to find out1-75: No76-100: Yes
Rolled 26, 19 = 45 (2d100)>>3867771HYPE
>>3867773common anons! spiral bullet!
Rolled 69, 81 = 150 (2d100)>>3867771Why would we?
>>3867780You're right. Why would you have that? Better remove it to keep balance
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>3867789Wait OP think of the possibilities! Think of the impossibilities! its perfect in the fight against eldrich horror xeno!
>>3867792Yeah but where did you get this tho
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>3867789What about the Ide?Please don't actually do that. Just make something up if your not comfortable with Spiral Power, keep it otherwise.
>>3867797some dude in the back ally behind a Shakey's Pizza. He said that was pure spiral energy, Skinny guy, with a white complexion, like BONE white and triangle sunglasses.
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>3867797>>3867798
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>3867801>>3867797
>>3867803SUDDENLY, A FLAAAAAAAAASSHBAAAACKWhen Edward was off doing stuff during your 2 month operation. THe crew were given some down time occasionally. And in one of theose outings, the mechanic was made an offer by a mysterious weeaboo
>>3867804i think Op is broken by the spiral power or he took it and got high.
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>3867817What's yer offer?
>>3867817Look mechanic this is the good shit, have your main character the cowboy or pirate what ever, I've been watching other shows to pay attention, but put this shit in your mechs. Maaaaaan it will make you trip!
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>3867821>>3867817fcuck
>>3867823"Trust me, it'd be dope. I won't even need money. It's practically free!"
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>3867825and that's how we got spiral energy and 1 extra twitter follower who is a weeb.
>>3867826He also followed the Mechanic on social media. Kept asking her to show him her feet. But let's not talk about that.
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>3867833ACTIVATE SPIRAL POWERTHINK OF YOUR OLD BIG BRO!>fuck off fag stop coming into my room!ah good times, fester misses big stand offish bro
>>3867838Which is kinda weird since you're an orphan
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>3867844oh yeah....shoot some spiral powered bullet barrages at the xeno
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>3867844"YO, EDWARD, AHM GODDAMN GLOWIN'! LEHS DO A COMBO!"
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>3867845Roll 2d100
Rolled 41, 27 = 68 (2d100)>>3867852
Rolled 84, 79 = 163 (2d100)>>3867852Belieeeeeeevvvve the bullet will hit!
>>3867856YEAH SPIRAL POWER!
>>3867856mvp, right here. good job.
>>3867856The spiral shot took out a huge chunk of the creature!
>>3867866Edward did you see! How cool we looked!?Now activate Gun Fu mode you saw from that movie Equilibrium.
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>3867866Reposition while Jester opens fire with his beam, don't let the beast focus only on us
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>3867868>>3867866commom guys throw in some ideas!
>>3867871Jester distracts the oncoming tentacles, allowing you to reposition!
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>3867887have Edward Flank, so we can fire another spiral bullet into its back.
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>3867887convince Edward to finally do a team attack with you, it'll be cooooolllll!
>>3867892"Alright. What's the plan?"
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>3867899You hold it down and I'll shoot it in its weak point! Or that huge gaping wound.
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>3867899I make a HUUUUGE gun with my spiral energy and fire you at the Alien imbued with spiral power....SPIRAL!
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>3867899I'll shoot to keep it distracted, then you catch it in your beam chains, and we finish off by both doing the Marshal Kick. Or maybe yours is the Davy Jones Kick? We'll need somebody to come up with a cool name for it though, that's crucial.
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>3867901"Got it. I'll get that wound for ya"Roll 2d200 for Edward+15 For the Alien+30 For Edward
Rolled 141, 179 = 320 (2d200)>>3867906let's do this
Rolled 135, 114 = 249 (2d200)>>3867906make yah squeal like a space piggie illeagal alien! SUUUUWWEEEEEEEE
Rolled 148, 44 = 192 (2d200)>>3867906
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>3867907Edward zips through the tentacles and stabs the alien right in the missing chunk of its body! Twisting his beam cutlass, he causes the beast to shift its positioning! Giving you a clear shot!ROLL 2D100+20 for yoU!
Rolled 62, 64 = 126 (2d100)>>3867914
>>3867918Your spiral shot went straight into the wound....and right through the other side of the alien! Obliterating its insides! yay!anywya, I gotta go and live in a society for 3 ish hours, be abck soon, pls wait
>wake up>only to find out I missed a bread
>>3868022now back to the gayme
>>3868023Yes. Bcckt to regular prgraming.alien man has defeat cowboy fester man and the garaxy is doomed
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>3868026That's alien propaganda, cut to the real victory
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>3868026More alien propaganda after their defeat on npr radio broad cast of the fight
>>3868027"Damn racist humans, always trynna keep the xenos down."
>>3868031take him Op get him out my sight, ITS THE HOOSCOW FOR YOU YAH SEE?
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>3868032>>3868031
>>3868034"YOU WILL NOT SILENCE OUR VOICES HUMANS! ALIENS RISE UP!"
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>3868035Meanwhile, Anna the commie rebel has ambushed Edward in his cockpit.
>>3868038"Ey. Good work Fester! Get back to the Black Horse. I'll have the crew loot the cors---Ey! Ey! Don't touch that! That's the cup holder!""DIE PIRATE SCUM!"
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>3868040m'k wanna play smash bros while strategize our next plan?
>>3868044"...You sure? Every time you play that it always ended with you shooting the screen"
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>3868048fuck you I am always in control!
>>3868049"Sure sure. Get back to the ship and set things up then. I'll be right after ya"
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>3868050get in the dock, go to mess hall and eat a tub of veggie slop in protest, of our fat thighs.
>>3868051If course, being a cyborg, your fat thighs are artificial. Which means the mad doctor made you this way, that monster
>>3868053What am i doing with my LIIIIIFEthought fester while Bandit mixes him cocktail.
>>3868057Hopefully it's not also veggie slop
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>3868059reminds me the coast of california with my beach babe, soaking in the rays
>>3868061Which is strange because you were never in California. Or had a beach babe. But the drink made you felt like you did.
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>3868062wait? is that karaoke i see!? WRESTLE THE MIC AWAY FROM LUCHABOT!
>>3868068Unfortunately you tripped on the way over
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>3868069look at what I tripped over.
>>3868070One of them techno thingamajigs that's a part of the floor
>>3868071Luchabot, what's that? Doesn't look like the usual techno things.
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>3868071rip that sucker open could lead to a secret so juicy we could hold over edwards head. You know just in case...
>>3868072"It;s just one of the electrical plugs covering, Fester. People in the mess hall can open it up to charge their phones and whatnot"
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>3868077rip it open, there must be treasure inside
>>3868078my answers feel like from auqa teen hunger force.
>>3868078"Sir I don't think that's a good idea....mostly because you don't need to rip it open, just press the button on it."
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3868080>too latehmmm?
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>3868082You are already trying to rip out the covering.Roll 2d100
Rolled 97, 21 = 118 (2d100)>>3868083These artificial muscles must be of some good!
Rolled 50, 37 = 87 (2d100)>>3868083
>>3868084AND INSIDE YOU FOUND...a bunch of electricity sockets
>>3868087Hmmm...darn, what a cheap ass, couldn't even give xray vision
>>3868096As Edward tells it, apparently the doc tried to give your cyber body a bunch of stuff, but most were rejected in favour of random crap. Like the ability to connect wirelessly to pirate film sites, or a toothpaste dispenser, or an internal radio that only plays the soundtrack to "The Good the Bad and the Ugly"
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>3868099Last part makes up for it tho, so I forgive him...still Dai, your doc is a massive hack
>>3868100"He brought you back to life, that's good enough"
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>3868108I was about to find out who my parents were! But fair enough, this is much better than being a square doing square dances in hell
>>3868109"Oh you'll be back soon enough, Fester. I've even saved a special fire, juuust for you, ehehehehhee"begone, satanic apparition
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>3868113Satanic, more like sanicEither way, your veggie gel sucks, can't I get fruits at least?
>>3868116"Well, according to the doc's notes: Remember that he can only eat veggie slop from now on. And not a good tasting one either. It needs to taste terrible. Because it's the only way that uh....the mechanical systems can disgest it, yea. Also not even fruits are allowed, because the, uh.....acidic juices ruin the metals, yea. That's it."
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>3868118Sounds fishy
>>3868124"PS: no fish either"
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>3868126Make mental note to eat an apple 'cause I think the doc just dislikes us...like majority of people we met for some reason
>>3868127The number of people that likes you could probably be counted on one hand! There's Edward, Dai, Bandit, and....uh.....hm...
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>3868131Jester seems to like us, and maybe Luchabot
>>3868135And that makes 5! One hand! Yaayyy?
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>3868138That's four more than we initially had!Sorta, maybe we met Dai before and just didn't notice, did you ever work in that asteroid mining company I did?
Rolled 34 (1d100)I MADE IT TO BREAD
>>3868140"I did some jobs for em before"
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>3868145PLOT
Fucking phone twatter notifications popping 3 hours after the post.
>>3868148Suddenly the ships' intercomm sounds up"WARNING, INCOMING UNKNOWN SHIP"
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>3868156Rush to cockpit (the one with the cocks)
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>3868162The cock is not your average cock, it is an cock kickboxer.
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>3868162Cute...who is it?
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>3868162Shit went to the cockfighting ring again
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>3868170Darn...so who's calling us?
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>3868170We meet again Jean Cluck Van Damn
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>3868170Oh no, his eyes are glowing bright red
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>3868176well Jean you called me here what do you want?
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>3868176Shine a flashlight in his eyes
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>3868176Tell him we need his help in repelling an attack
>>3868178Much apologies for latenessBuilding is having problemsI must go
>>3869636RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>3869636well well welllook who comes ghosting back Says FesterI think I need to review my contract with my Goblin Lawyer
>>3869640The contract also doesn't cover kickboxing chickens
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>3869643Jean Cluck.... tell me where Edward hides his best strategy guides. HE MUST CHEAT AT SMASH i know it!
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>3869648not talking eh.... Maybe this will loosen that tongue of yoursstart showing him pictures of KFC
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>3869657deep fried...all those spices...or would you prefer something slower...like grilled
>>3869658Yo dont agitate it too much
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>3869661Then tell us what is on the message! Or else I will grind you in to cyborg paste and feed you to bandit
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>3869664we were going to the cockpit because there was a message!Now hand it over Jean Cluck VanDam
>>3869665*very confused bwock to signify that there is no message*
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>3869669.... One of our voices said there was a message or and emergancy and we had to go to the cock pit. So here we are! You know what get bandit in here, he'll know what to do
>>3869672TL note: Bork means "There's no message in the cockpit, FEster. You're just a dumbass. But there is an unidentified ship approaching the Black Horse tho"
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>3869674Oh shit! we better head over to the place that responds to such things!
>>3869676Bandit directed you to the bridge, where the crew has gathered."Cap'n, the unknown ship isn't responding to us. But it keeps getting closer""Ready weapons, just in case then"
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>3869679It could be all part of Jean Cluck's plot... But we should hold some doubt to that thought...Ready the Our mech, we should sortie just in case!
>>3869680Alright, sending out the Marshal to investigate. Let's hope that ship isn't hostile or something
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>3869682Bring Bandit as back up, he can sniff out trouble no problem
>>3869683NOw roll a d10 to see what it is9-10: An abandoned ship, has loot 7-8: Your long lost brother, non-hostile4-6: Your long lost brother, hostile2-3: A bomb1: A BIG bomb
Rolled 8 (1d10)>>3869692oh jeeze
Rolled 3 (1d10)>>3869692
>>3869695>>3869695OH MY GOD FESTER A BOMB
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>3869705shoot it with spiral bulleto!
>>3869707"Shooting a bomb is not a good idea Fester, get outta there!" You can hear Edward yelling over the comms
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>3869712Do so!
>>3869714>>3869712meaning run for it
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>3869714Can ye make it in time?2d100
Rolled 87, 2 = 89 (2d100)>>3869718One can only HOPE!
>>3869721oh no bandit save us!
>>3869721>>3869722Roll 2d100 to have bandit seize the controls
Rolled 68, 99 = 167 (2d100)>>3869726common little buddy!
>>3869728Got away jsut in time
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>3869730Good boy Banditbut who "set us up the bomb?""main screen turn on"contact edward"how are you gentlemen?"
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>3869730Investigate the remains, somebody tried to blow up the Black Horse.
>>3869732though my joke is "funneh"we should go with this anon, because I have been in control for a while.
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>3869733Aint that an understatement. Anyway>>3869732You head back down to where the bomb was.Roll 2d100 to pick up clues
Rolled 5, 52 = 57 (2d100)>>3869737
>>3869739In the wreckage you found a piece of the bomb with some markings on it, could be a logo of some sort. It's too badly damaged from the blast, but if you bring it back to the ship it could be examined.
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>3869741do that
>>3869742And so you head back to the ship and engage...another thread break. Way too low energy right now aint it?
>>3869744Yeah, as much as I love my dumb ideas being played out, I dont want to go as far as ruin the game for everyone.
>>3869746>everyoneMore like, one, cuz it's only you here right now. heyooooooooooooooo
>>3869748just come back in time for a thread break why me
>>3869751Because life sucks. BUt hey, if there's at least 2 dudes present then we can continue. YEa?
>>3869754>>3869755Whoosh, flying back to shipRoll 2d100 and not get a number from 1 to 10 in order to not get blown up by a stray asteroid
Rolled 79, 77 = 156 (2d100)>>3869756
Rolled 56, 71 = 127 (2d100)>>3869756maneuver
>>3869757"Damnit, i'll get you next time" - asteroid
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>3869760have someone invest the piece and see if they can recognize it
>>3869760Haha! silly asteroid! take fragment for analysis
>>3869761Luchabot will now take the piece down to the lab for analysis
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>3869763must have been either aliens or the bounty
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3869763hmmmm, maybe we should look into more bounties while this is getting analyzed
>>3869767"Well, the only big target we left is Smith. That rival hunter who kicked our asses the first time around"
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>3869771Does he have a face that's not his giant robot suitAnd who posted that bounty
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>3869771we need to find his weaknessbet its something sinister
>>3869773"Yes. A secret weakpoint, perhaps? A weakspot in his mech? SOme...family members that I can choke, maybe? A spouse? Or child? That I can use as hostages? hmmmm"
>>3869777Or maybe we could just find out through the internet
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>3869777>>3869781
>>3869781"Yesss, find out where his family lives"
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>3869786You haven't been yourself every since you visited the skeleton mafia, haven't you
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>3869786dox him on the chinese internet forums
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3869789Connecting to secret chinese dark web forumsRoll 2d100
Rolled 79, 72 = 151 (2d100)>>3869794oh no
>>3869795Alright, bypassed the 50 million proxies, horse porn links and malware
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>3869798so much horse porn too
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>3869798see his profile through the leaks
>>3869800This is supposedly the only known photo of his actual face, but it's very blurry and is basically worthless. Dude got very little details of what he did or who he was before bounty hunting. No family records, dental, former employment, no nothing. So that either means he was basically a nobody before his bounty hunter career, an orphan, or the records were deliberately scrubbed off the archives.
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>3869804the orphanage... look into that, what orphanages had orphans....?
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>3869804Find out the bounty poster's infoSurely he must know a bit about him
>>3869809And so you looked into who posted Smith's bounty in the first place. And it turned out to be not one source. But multiple. It's a collective of groups that he musta fucked over during his career. In here we have both governmental, criminal, corporation, and private organizations
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>3869811any of them linked besides his name alone? Heists? Hits? Habitual Resistance?
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>3869811Look into their crimes.
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>3869811Notice that one of the bounties Smith has accepted looks exactly like Edward's ex-girlfriend
>>3869815wuh oh spaghetti-o. Seems like he just accepted this one recently and hasn't gone after her yet....and the ones who posted this...are the same guys who posted Smith's own bounty, but under a disguise. Thanks anonymous austist hackers for finding that out
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>3869816Bing BongAnalysis Complete Seniors!
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>3869816And they just posted Edward's
>>3869816>wuh oh spaghetti-oThere it is
>>3869817Alright, now time to tell Ed of your findings
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>3869822Ed is already behind you and fuming.
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>3869822ooh, but first, click that link promising a secret upgrade for the Marshal. It seems legit!
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>3869822maybe the bomb, this bounty, and smith are linked some how
>>3869823>>3869824How about both
>>3869823>>3869824>>3869826Sure, now let's check this totally non-shady link for secret mecha upgrades
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>3869827Ed you ok buddy? looks like you have something you wanna say
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>3869827SUDDEN INCOMING CALL FROM EDWARD'S PROBABLY BUT MAYBE NOT EX-GF
>>3869827looking a bit lolisniffer there edward
>>3869829"OH what? Ah it's nothing buddy! Just, ah. Return to that screen that shows Smith's current active bounties."
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>3869827Ed, you should probably see a doctor about your red eye thing. It doesn't seem healthy.
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>3869833Ok manEveryone else suddenly gets a sense of dread
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>3869833Sure thing, just a... huh? That bounty kind of looks like me. And that's Dai... the mechanic... Jester...Ed, I think we got a serious problem here.
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>3869833what did the anaylizing metal piece say?
>>3869835"Oh hey look! That's Rachelle, my ex! And hey! That's me. Then there's you. And the rest of the crew. Even bandit too! All given to him by the same source too, what a coincidence huh?"
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>3869842yeahhhh... so lets go find smith now
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>3869842well if we analyze where that part came from we could have some leads?
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>3869842The analysis report comes in and it turns out those were the same people that put up all those bounties under the name of some alliance
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>3869842Black Horse's AI and Luchabot both try to inform Ed of results from analyzing bomb fragments
>>3869844"Yes. And if the ones who's sending Smith after us are the same ones sending us after him, then maybe we're being played. Find out more about them, see if they're really screwing us."
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>3869849Delve in and attempt to find out
>>3869850Alright, looking through a bunch of backlinks, hidden proxies, techno mumbo jumbo, yadda yadd, you're beginning to reach the source. The one that posted Smith's bounty and your bounties are one and the same, and they were both fake, disguises used by the actual one behind this
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>3869852WHO IS IT?? I MUST KNOW
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>3869852They're one step ahead of us. Some sort of security AI starts trying to hack the Fester & the Black Horse
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>3869860Son of a bitch! Roll 2d100! Quickly!
Rolled 78, 83 = 161 (2d100)>>3869861I bet we can still fuck this up somehow!
Rolled 80, 2 = 82 (2d100)>>3869861gasp
Rolled 71, 86 = 157 (2d100)>>3869861sloppy job
Rolled 10, 71 = 81 (2d100)>>3869861>1Ship AI literally strangles the hacker to submission
>>3869863>2>1 fucking roll difference from death
>>3869866this happened last time when I rolled the spiral energy bullet
>>3869863>2The ship's AI manged to defeat the sec AI....but it wasn't like a cool cyber Ai battle with sick laser beams or anything.They both engaged in a nerd slapfight with the ship's AI winning by 1 extra slap
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>3869868Attempt to track it's location
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>3869868Heath & Cliff report that the entire ship's intercom is currently playing the world's saddest slap fight.And also we're on the news as wanted space terrorists.
>>3869869AND THE SOURCE IS....A. An anti-pirate and cowboy alliance B. Your long-lost brother who has a death grudge against you and EdwardC. The damn aliens, turns out they knew how to work tech all along!D. Some asshole that thought it'd be funnyE. Your mom lmaoF. OP
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>3869873roll for it
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>3869873A, B, C, & D
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>3869873A+B+C+D
>>3869875OH MY GOD IT WAS THE DICE THE WHOLE TIME
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>3869878my god...
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>3869878It was Fester's mom all along. This was her idea of a belated birthday present
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>3869878Edward's Fester's glitching again
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>3869878DICE: Developing Interstellar Criminal Enterprises
>>3869881Anwyay, roll 2d60 for the result. Do taht while I gotta go and be forced to participate in socializing. Toodles1-9: Some asshole10-19: Long lost evil brother20-30: Damn aliens31-49: Anti-pirate and cowboy alliance50-60: All of the above
Rolled 22, 30 = 52 (2d60)>>3869884good luck, OP. We're all counting on you.
Rolled 57, 58 = 115 (2d60)>>3869884
Rolled 27, 9 = 36 (2d60)>>3869884
Rolled 46, 64 = 110 (2d100)>>3869897for crying out loud
Rolled 13, 42 = 55 (2d60)>>3869899Wait, I'm rarted.
Rolled 13, 36 = 49 (2d60)>>3869884
Rolled 46, 46 = 92 (2d60)>>3869884
>>3869886shit it was all of them all along
Goddamit, I missed it again!
24 hours until OP fucking dies, again
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>3873291Back to the reveal
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>3873291No u
>>3873293Of course! All your links and clues brings you to this! The Alliance! Some sort of anti-space pirate and cowboy coalition! Name and logo deliberately chosen to be generic and forgettable in order to slip under the radar
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>3873309That's a very specific alliance, do we have a list of who's in it?
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3873309Look up who the leader of the alliance is these days
>>3873314There are many, some, famous corps, some, criminals. But the 3 that is apparently at the top are.....Lester Winchester, Xyrk'Orakk and....Steve
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>3873326Huh, never knew there were actual Winchesters out there...hey wait a second! Wasn't Steve the guy we tried to kidnap?
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>3873326Mechanic calls, apparently somebody claiming to be a Legendary Mech-Smith is here to deliver some upgrades. Something about clicking a link?
>>3873336"Wait what""Yeah, cap'n. Says somebody here ordered his services online"
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>3873342Bandit shows up with a coupon and phone
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>3873342mechanic tracked down her long-lost mentor and wanted to talk to him again
>>3873349"Anh uh, cap'n. I think we should at least, uhm, hear him out for a bit. Yea."
>>3873359Okay, why not
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>3873361
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>3873359"Alright, but only because you seem to trust him."
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>3873359Download the profiles on the Alliance's leaders and head to the Mech Bay.
>>3873364"Greetings. Now who here needs their mech upgraded?"
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>3873381Oooh me me!...well all of us really
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3873381waitaminute...
>>3873386"Alright sir, please, show me to your mech. And if you can, give me a quick rundown on it and what you''re looking for"
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>3873399He look awful shady.... Hmmmmm...
>>3873407Waaaaat? This guy? This guy. This guy? He's shady? Whaaaat? Pffft. Nah man. Nah. No. Now way.
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>3873424Look if you can't trust shady people you find on the internet, who can you trust? Take him to the Marshal.
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>3873424Wait a second.That beard.The way he handles his cap.The shiteating grin.it's fester's dad
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>3873424He reaaaaly reminds me of someone, can't put my finger of whom tho...search the database on his face by using our internet access brain and space google image search
>>3873431"Heath, Cliff. Keep an eye on this guy.""Can do, cap'n"
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>3873452They release the floating spy eye on them.
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>3873452So where do you come from partner?
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>3873452Aww, Ed's jealous that Fester got a new friend
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>3873466So pardner, what's yer name?
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>3873466"So I was hoping to make the Marshal more durable, I died recently, you know? But I also kinda want a signature move. Ed's always having to bust out his Keelhaul and I want to to support him, right? So you ever seen any of the Django films? Well, the cowboy in that is dragging a coffin..."
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>3873478What a coincidence, mah names Fester, Fester Winchester, nice to meetcha
>>3873481"Ey. Nice to meetcha too, Fester.My family name's also Winchester. Maybe we're related? Ahaha> Anyway. Tell me about your mech"
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>3873492Doubt it, picked my surname out of a blue, but yeah, Marshal is a shooty cowboy mech that mostly flies around the foe and stuff, also can kick 'em and use marshal beam™
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>3873492Naw, Ahm an orphan. All mah family died when an was a babe. Musta been pretty grisly, docs at tha orphanage said ah wuz repressin' what happened, to the point it makes me kinda dumb and socially awkward
>>3873495"Hm hm, anything else? Any specifics on how you want your upgrades to be?"
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>3873508put on kick ass triangle shades
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>3873508Give us extra protection, being being flattened made me self-conscious about my health
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>3873508An energy shield could help, uhhh...ooh, hear me out...1000000 gallon hat with missiles in it!
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>3873508This >>3873471
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>3873523>>3873513
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>3873514>>3873523
>>3873526"Alright, better armor. Got it"
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>3873533Ditch the shades
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>3873533And a ten gallon hat with missiles in it, but much sized, ah, and one more question
>>3873535"Okay, no shades. Changed your mind huh"
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>3873540A big hat with rockets or sumfin
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>3873540no add shades fuck that anon
>>3873543"More armor, giant hat with rockets in it. What else?"
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>3873555Nothing else. If I ever ask for shades again ignore me, it's just my dementia kicking in
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>3873555Cool shades
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>3873555Pilot seat with inbuild toilet.
>>3873558"Huh? Only 2 upgrades? Alright then. Keeping it simple"
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>3873573All we need you to do is to take off your hat and then we can pay you
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>3873573>>3873578Hey one more upgrade, let's get rocket heels to make our kicking better.
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>3873585Can't have some guy who hides his eyes take my money, my dad always said
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>3873585Because I want to see your hairstyle.
>>3873600"I uh, rather not. My hat's there to hide a huge bald spot. It's quite weird looking"
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>3873606So does mine>Take off my hat that reveals brains in a jar with several tubes
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>3873606But me cowboy dad always said bald people are not to be trusted.
>>3873613"What do your dad have against bald people?"
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>3873623A lot of things like how they steal haSNATCH HIS HAT AWAY NOW
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>3873623That was a joke, I don't have a dad...BANDIT NOW!!!
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>3873630ROLL 2D100
Rolled 29, 50 = 79 (2d100)>>3873645BANDIT GO!
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>3873659Bandit slaps OP and makes him draw the real scene
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>3873659That was Bandit's thought before he punches Chester to death
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>3873672Now back to reality of him just snatching his hat, maybe some day Bandit, maybe some day
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>3873672Don't notice it, just suddenly see Chester dead with a hole in his chest
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>3873689AHA...not sure what I was gonna gain from it
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>3873689He's wearing a bandit mask!
>>3873692"Not a fucking discount. That's for damn sure"
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>3873702Use our cyber eyes to analyze his hatless face
>>3873708Wow. He really is super bald under there
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>3873722Literally everyone else has figured it out by now and are just waiting for Fester to catch up
>>3873730TL note: Bork means "Of course, it's so simple. This guy is actually an Alliance agent, sent here to sabotage our crew's mechs. When I snatched his hat away inside it was an Alliance logo. Also Fester secretly likes to watch romantic teen comedies and cry to himself.
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>3873738Unfortunately, Fester has the brain of a walnut.
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>3873738I see, also its COWBOY romantic teen comedies...all 3 of them...either way CHESTER WINCHESTER, I KNOW YOU AND LESTER WINCHESTER ARE AT CAHOOTS AGAINST US!!!
>>3873741Which lead to Fester deciding to, eh, let the guy work his magic. It's a mech upgrade you got from the internet. HOw bad could it be?The answer is that it's so bad that thread will continue in about 24 hours or something. Communist overlords do not support giant robots.
OP is dead again isn't he?
>>3873808Fucking hell, why is autoupdate not working?
continuing tomorrow-ish. Hope nothing happens!
>>3876379op, that's a deathflag
>>3876411>>3876411What's the worst that could happen
>>3876429Internet cuts offall of it
>>3876429fester dies again
>>3877918he said worst, not best
>>3878008Fucking shit where are we?
>>3878015>>3878015Of course, of course. You were about to let the totally not shady mechanic, Chester, upgrade the MArshal
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>3878016totally not lester at all
>>3878016Oh man how many bitcoins did we pay for this upgrade?GET TO WORK CHESTER!
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>3878021wait, I just remembered...BALD PEOPLE ARE EVIL
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>3878027Shoot at Lester's hat now!
>>3878028I mean CHESTER...yes
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3878028Rowl 2d100
Rolled 68, 86 = 154 (2d100)>>3878036
>>3878038You shot his hat off! Rude
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>3878042BALD! BALD! BALD! BALD!
>>3878043"You're a cyborg, Fester. You don't even have real hair"
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>3878044At least I HAVE hair!
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>3878044BADLY MC BALDY SCARY NO LIKE
>>3878046"Come now, Fester. Is that anyway to talk to...YOUR OWN BROTHER?!" Chester rips off his face to reveal an entire evil space cowboy costume underneath!
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>3878050[gasps in cyborg]
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>3878050hi
>>387805401100111 01100001 01110011 01110000
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>3878056Everybody else jumps him.
>>3878058"FOOLS! YOU THINK I'D ALLOW MYSELF TO GET JUMPED?!"Then the ship is rocked by an explosion!"WARNING. HULL BREACHED" Announced the ship AI
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>3878061>get knocked back
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>3878061binary ×10
>>3878064As the hull is breached, he climbed into some kinda mech and blasted off before the crew can get their bearings. By the time the Black Horse puts up its shield to stop the vacuum of space, he's already out of firing range.All you can say is: 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00001010 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>3878070bang fist in the ground, crying tears of cyborg, wails of cyborg, was i cyborg all along!?
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>3878070Oh great, now he can only speak in binary
>>3878072"No Fester, you were only a cyborg since you died the first time"
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>3878080BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW I WASNT A CONVINCING CYBORG THEN!? IT FELT SO REAAAAAL!
>>3878082"Does it really matter?"
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>3878085"No." - everyone else
>>3878086"YEah. Nobody cares if you're a cyborg or not""Dai's a cyborg and that doesn't change anything""In our time, cyberization is the norm. Cyborgs aren't even a minority""One day I will kill Edward and avenge the cause"
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>3878090GET IN OUR MECH AND CHASE AFTER LESTER
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>3878100Yes.
>>3878105"Alright, call for backup or retreat if needed"
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>3878123Lester's waiting for us in an asteroid field
>>3878142Sure this is not an obvious trap
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>3878151Go in even though it might be a trap
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>3878151It is a trap, but Lester's not exactly a genius either
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>3878151A Boy has a right to dream...
>>3878205What's he dreaming about?Who knows. OP tore his asshole open again due to a massive shit. 12 hours is needed for the anus to heal
>>3878227come on OP keep runningjust apply lotion to your ass
>>3878205God I love Outlaw Star.
>slept through first bread>wake up just in time for second one>it's not happeningOP why
>>3879381Communists banned clocks
>>3879387>>3879381>>3879373Much apologies, the gulag doesn't have any watches
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>3879579Eat a sandwich
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>3879579>>3879581no punch a sandwich
>>3879581Oh, I have your sandwich right here
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>3879586BROTHEEEER! Are you an orphan too?
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>3879586DONT GO ITS A TRAP!!!
>>3879599But it has bacon in it. You like bacon dontchu Fester?
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>3879602ye wont tempt me succubus!
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>3879602I can't eat bacon, Cowboy God knows I tried
>>3879604Oh but this is special bacon, that can be eaten by cyborrrrgs
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>3879616Prove it, throw it over here
>>3879618Hey man, we're in space. If I throw it it'll be lost
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>3879627DON'T DO IT IT'S A DISGUISE OF YOUR EVIL BROTHER
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>3879627op, where is the beef?
>>3879631"I see you're not COMPLETELY retarded. Not quite yet"
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>3879636"Soon."(Fester actually means "I'll get you soon")
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>3879636dont worry I have enough to go around dear brother......
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>3879636shut up texas-worshipping evil me
Rolled 39 (1d150)>>3879639"We'll see"Roll 2d100
Rolled 9, 55 = 64 (2d100)>>3879644
Rolled 88, 95 = 183 (2d100)>>3879644
>>3879649Nice! You avoided his lasso!
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>3879658Now I shoot his knees
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>3879658Only someone who follows the anti-cowboy texas would do this
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>3879658Throw spiral hat toss. Like Kung loa but call it cowboy hoedown
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>3879668We must destroy him! Shoot his gun!
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>3879664>>3879668Imma cowboy babeh
Rolled 110 (1d150)>>3879670Roll 2d100
Rolled 34, 23 = 57 (2d100)>>3879677Darnation
Rolled 28, 44 = 72 (2d100)>>3879677
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>3879685How did he get those d150s
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>3879685Catch it
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>3879685PULL OUT OTHER GUN
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>3879688>>3879688Roll 2d100 against the universe
Rolled 79, 93 = 172 (2d100)>>3879692>we were supposed to hunt down the last bounty>instead we are now fighting our brother for some reasonAre we doomed to walk this path for all eternity
Rolled 42, 59 = 101 (2d100)>>3879692Come ooon
>>3879694The bounty also has you as HIS target. He'll come for you eventually
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>3879705call him names under yourbreath
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>3879705Shoot his hat off
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>3879705Wasn't it a setup in the first place or whatever Edward said
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>3879739Say, didn't marshal have grenades or something like that?
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>3879739take a wild potshot that kills him in one hit
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>3879757hey we haven't even seen his mech. is he...behind us!
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>3879757Throw 'em, and shoot at him at the same time, he can't do two things at the same time
>>3879762Wait....then can YOU do two things at the same time?
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>3879769Yeah, we trained for many years back when we were a child with no parents to tell him to do his homework.
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3879769We have robot brain and hat plenty of practice throwing rocks AND shooting nerf gun at that weird weeb girl that was running along the trees in the orphanage
Rolled 77 (1d150)>>3879772Roll 2d100!You got a +20 bonus!
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>3879769try rubbing your belly while patting your head
Rolled 20, 75 = 95 (2d100)>>3879788
Rolled 76, 30 = 106 (2d100)>>3879788
Rolled 89, 62 = 151 (2d100)>>3879788HOLD ON CAN I STILL SAVE THIS?
>>3879795*teleports behind u*"psssh, nuthin personel, kid"
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>3879812Shoot behind us
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>3879812USE THE MARSHAL KICK AND KICK HIM BACK LIKE A HORSE WOULD
Rolled 18, 6 = 24 (2d100)>>3879812"not the anti-cyborg emp!"
Rolled 137 (1d150)>>3879822>>3879822ROLL 2D100
Rolled 18, 42 = 60 (2d100)>>3879827WHERE'S THE BONUS NIGGA
Rolled 16, 51 = 67 (2d100)>>3879827
Rolled 6, 98 = 104 (2d100)>>3879827Why does Dice God hate us so much?
>>3879829It's down here in my basement
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>3879841>go into OP's basement for the bonus for our dice roll
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>3879847
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>3879883Where's the loicense for that gun?