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/qst/ - Quests


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OH SHIT NIGGER, you're Fester Winchester, the rootin' tootin' space cowboy, owner of the Marshal. A giant super robot that is also a rootin' tootin' space cowboy. You also died once and is now a cyborg with a huge pompadour. Shit happens.

Now, you and your Space Pirate buddy is planning to ambush some aliens who were responsible for the destruction of the colony you were living in. what do
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>3852954
now lets go over the game plan with top of the line action figures. Mechanic thinks they are dolls.
>>
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>>3852958

Alright so, you'll be represented by the limited collector's edition Gunslinger Joe the Space Cowboy. While Ed will be represented by Scurvy Steve, the Pirate
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>3852965
We lay a food trap to lure in the aliens
>>
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>>3852968
Right, and the trap will be presented as this limited edition piece of cheese
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>3852973
Now the aliens come and swoop in on the food
>>
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>>3852981
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>3852985
Now take Fester and Edward figurines and start wildly trashing them at the alien "And then we beat the shit out of them!"
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>3852985
Little did they know that the food had a bomb in it. And they have eaten the bomb
>>
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>>3852992
WITH A BOOM! AND A POW! AND A KAPOW! PEW PEW PEW! KSSCHOWWW! PSSSHHHHHBOOOOM!
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>3853002
It's a flawless plan, Edward!!!
I'm off to a 12 hour wagie shift cya OP
>>
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>>3853009

Good luck anon
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>3853015
it turns out the bomb was fester's idea
and he put a firecracker in there. it goes off
>>
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>>3853026
>>3853026
>>
>>3853029
Ed, considering the state of the action figures, vetos the bomb idea.
>>
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>>3853034
"Considering that the figures are now basically ash. Let's not use the bomb if we are to get into a scrap with the xenos"
>>
>>3853046
AI restores the action figures for further simulation. This time we will try poison, using a space rat as the alien
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>3853046
food time
>>
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>>3853056
"Yes, time to find a suitable bait for the aliens....Or do you mean you're hungry?"
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>3853061
both.....
>>
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>>3853064
"Alright. You go research for what we can use at bait, while I'll have Dai whip up some of those cyborg compatible veggie sludge"
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>3853073
mess that job up
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>3853073
wait... these aliens... they consume... Matter... what if ... they ate ...ANTI-MATTER?!
>>
>>3853073
>trusting fester with anything that's not cowboy stuff
>>
>>3853078
cyborgow boy stuff
>>
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>>3853076
Of course! If we trick the aliens into eating anti-matter, then they'll probably get a bad case of indigestion from matter meeting anti-matter and explode! Or implode! Whichever!

or some random bullshit could happen and they get empowered or something, but what are the chances of that happening?
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>3853086
Very few because Fester came up with a fool proof plan involving a dyson sphere.
>>
>>3853086
when did fester get so fat?
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>3853086
>meanwhile, in the alien hq
>>
>>3853091
it's just his poncho, makes him look fat
>>
>>3853096
just like my old highschool pictures. Why would they schedule poncho day with picture day!?
>>
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>>3853090
Of course! It's perfect! First you just need a dyson sphere. a star and an antimatter bomb! You lure the aliens into the star, but you would have secretly placed the bomb there, disguised as food! When the aliens realize what has happened, the sphere has already encompassed the star, trapping the aliens inside! When the bomb goes off, whatever happens will be contained inside the sphere, and since a star is in there, it'll probably get destroyed and turn into a black hole, thus sucking up everything giving you no hassle!

Clearly there's nothing wrong with this plan
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>3853105
make it so, we just need to Dyson Dimsome Dyson Sphere expo, Sure he has a couple lying around after that Half Life 3 sale. Its like having a Humvee lot after 9/11!
>>
>>3853115
>Dyson Sphere expo
I'm not sure we have the stock footage for that.
>>
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>>3853115
Yeah. You still can't believe they actually put the HL3 demo on sale back then. The full game's gonna come out any day now, you just know it.

Anyway, time to convince Edward to buy us one.
>>
>>3853128
just enlarge a death star
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>3853130
add pretty please at the end of your sales pitch
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>3853130
Everyone else is astonished by the brillance of your cunning plan
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>3853130
>The full game's gonna come out any day
Hey, Duke Nukem Forever came out, so anything's possible.
Granted that was a massive pile of shit, but still.
Also I say we convince Edward with a musical number.
>>
>>3853144
my god you are a genius
>>
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>>3853144
Alright, let's start writing down the lyrics then.
>>
>>3853155
Bruv you got me kinda on the spot here. Let's go for an interpretive dance instead.
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>3853155
a dyson sphere is what we need
anti matter bomb to rupture the alien spleen
Suck them in a black whole then
just like your momma got her men!
>>
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>>3853163
hm hm yes. WHat else?
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>3853155
>>3853163
>your momma got her men
Everyone else suddenly gets the feeling of incoming dread
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>3853168
Have bandit write the rest he is a musical genius
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>3853168
>>3853172
He actually saves the song and turns it imnto an opera
>>
>>3853178
better not be german. Those sound horrible
>>
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>>3853172
*contemplative bork*
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>3853168
>>3853178
>>
Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>3853183
>>3853178
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>3853183
Bandit writes the greatest and most tragic lyrics to be conceived by an intelligent mind, but they're all written in pawprints. That's the tragedy
>>
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>>3853186
>>3853186
>>
>>3853196
harder Bandit
Gamubate!
>>
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>>3853200

Finally, it is finished. Bandit wipes the sweat off his brow after a job well done.
>>
Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>3853215
gather the gospel robot group we got a show to put on
>>
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>>3853219
What gospel robot group? Edward doesn't have one of those lying around
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>3853229
fine looks like we are gonna have to use the crew
>>
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>>3853241
Of course, now, how can you convince them to join in your musical number?

"Hey Fester, your food's ready. Come to the dining hall" you here Edward over the ship's intercom
>>
>>3853251
I say we call their masculinity into question if they don't help in the production
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>3853251
head over to vegetarian slop only to catch Mechanic and her passable singing voice
>>
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>>3853260
>>3853260
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>3853275
convince mechanic.
>>
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Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>3853276

Roll 2d200 to try and add her to your singing troupe
>>
Rolled 115, 126 = 241 (2d200)

>>3853279
>>
Rolled 149, 55 = 204 (2d200)

>>3853279
>>
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>>3853284
"Alright, i'll join your musical group. As you said, it's his birthday, right?"
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>3853301
"Yup, it's his dang ol' birthday. What a neat coincidenceI mean-- we gotta find more people ta finish this posse."
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>3853301
yes, but its a surprise dont mention this to anyone.
Head to the food court, Meet jester as he has a nice baritone.
>>
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>>3853303
Let's keep moving until we do
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>3853319
grab the two brothers, they can sing a nice duet
>>
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Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>3853323
"Yeah? You need what?"

Roll 2d200
>>
Rolled 152, 24 = 176 (2d200)

>>3853332
>>
Rolled 54, 42 = 96 (2d200)

>>3853332
>>
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>>3853337
>>3853337
"Sorry pal, not interested"
>>
>>3853348
try again but add chocolate to the negotiating table
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>3853348
Hmmm...hey Jester!
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>3853348
Tell them it's for Edward's birthday.
>>
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>>3853360
"Ah! Hello Fester! Back in action eh? Are you prepared to take down the evil doers that threatens the peace of the galaxy?"
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>3853369
That is correct! Can you sing? All I have is synthesizer voice, listen, "BWAAAAA"
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>3853369
"Our collective assholes are gonna look like a Bad Dragon catalog if you don't help with our opera."
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>3853369
yes and we have a musical number that will act as a birthday song and help us fight the aliens of injustice, we need your musical voice talents to pull it off!
>>
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Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>3853377
"wut"

Roll 2d200
>>
Rolled 68, 112 = 180 (2d200)

>>3853381
>>
Rolled 30, 104 = 134 (2d200)

>>3853381
>>
>>3853381
Basically were making an opera to
>>3853383
Nevermind
>>
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>>3853383
"The fate of the universe lies in this musical?! Ok, I'll help"
>>
>>3853393
Now to janitor and luchadore bot...luchabot
>>
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>>3853396
"Sorry, I'll take no part in your shenanigans. I got a ship to clean" says the Janitor
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>3853396
>>3853393
dis since anon forgot to roll
>>
>>3853405
roll to convince
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>3853405
How 'bout you luchabot?
>>
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Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>3853413
"Welll...."

Roll 2d100
>>
Rolled 40, 78 = 118 (2d100)

>>3853417
El Santo would do it
>>
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>>3853420
"THEN I WILL JOIN YOU" Luchabot is added to the music troupe
>>
>>3853424
and onwards towards somebody who can actually help set up a fucking stage
>>
Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>3853424
Off to the...uhhhh, who else is left? Dai?
>>
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>>3853435
Dai's probably in the kitchen or the dining hall, since the cyborg ninja's the one who made you the sludge that's waiting for you
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>3853437
Ah shit! Random encounter
>>
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>>3853440
Space Slime appeared!
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>3853450
Fester uses Bang
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>3853450
Fester use Punch self in face
>>
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Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>3853461
Ouch! Fester did damage to himself!

The Space Slime attacks! Roll 2d100
>>
Rolled 20, 69 = 89 (2d100)

>>3853465
Cast laser eyes
>>
Rolled 182, 164 = 346 (2d200)

>>3853465
>>
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>>3853474
Thr Slime is defeated! And so is thread! Session on hold for now!
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>3853515
we need to practice Bandit will help. He is a genius
>>
So when is OP rising from the grave again?
>>
>>3855476
A food trap should bring him out
>>
>>3855538
You'll never catch me
>>
Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>3860355
OP gets caught
now he must decide: which bait has a firecracker in it?
>>
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>>3860365
thinking's hard tho
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>3861990
Eeeyah-eeeyah-ooh!
>>
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>>3861995
>>3861995
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>3862004
Picking up where we left off...
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>3862004
take his hat and rip the d off, now he is an unce
>>
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>>3862005
Of course. You've just slain a space slime.
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>3862012
We get 3xp and 5 gold
>>
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>>3862013
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>3862015
Now onward, to lunch!
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>3862012
gamehax
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>3862015
gameshark code
>>
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>>3862017

Dining Hall has been reached. Let's hope there's no more random battles
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>3862022
We catch goo monster attempting to steal our vaggie paste-thing Dai cooked up
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>3862022
>>3862026
But it's Metal.
>>
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>>3862026
! Robber Slime appears!
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>3862040
Why do they keep stealing mah food, AAAAAH
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>3862040
"pretend" to let it get away
>>
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>>3862044
>>3862044
Robber Slime slips away!
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>3862048
Metal King Slime?
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>3862048
Proceed with the singing thing already
>>
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>>3862057
Metal King Slime appears!
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>3862064
Use the SUPER ULTRA WOMBO COMBO MEGA ONE-TIME-ONLY MOVE to defeat him
>>
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Rolled 484622 (1d2000000)

>>3862068
OH SHIT HE'S ALREADY USING HIS POWER TO PHASE OUT OF REALITY! QUICKLY ROLL 2D100 TO DEFEAT HIM AND GET MASSIVE LOOT
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>3862071
Thunder Thrust
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>3862071
Goddammit
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>3862071
>>3862073
>>
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>>3862075
How unfortunate, the Metal King Slime ascended into another plane of existence just as your move was about to hit.
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>3862080
Make fucking plot happen
>>
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>>3862082
Anyway, you;ve reached Edward
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>3862080

Look sad...
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>3862087
Everyone ready? And one, and two and three...
>>
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>>3862099
"wut" says the captain

Before you start, you notice that bandit rewrote some of your lyrics. Namely removing that line about Edward's mom
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>3862104
Go through with it anyway!
>>
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>>3862109
Go through with it as in keep the line about his mom or decide to keep with Bandit's script?
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>3862110
Believe in Bandit.
>>
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Rolled 134 (1d200)

>>3862119
Now roll 2d100 to engage in an elaborate musical number about buying a dyson sphere
>>
Rolled 22, 90 = 112 (2d100)

>>3862126
>d200
Wait--THIS ISN'T COMBAT!
>>
Rolled 72, 66 = 138 (2d100)

>>3862126
Okay
>>
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>>3862129
Edward takes music very seriously
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>3862133
Any constructive criticism?
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>3862133
>>3862135
>>
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>>3862143
"Well, you could do to work on your singing. Jester, you're very eager and energetic, but your enthusiasm had you singing out of sync with everyone. Mechanic, work on that pitch, my ears hurt. Fester....keep practicing. Luchabot, get a better autotune program. The lyrics could use less borks in it"

Bandit takes offense to that last one
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>3862149
I see, you heard him gang, where's Dai btw?
>>
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>>3862153
"You need something? Your veg sludge is ready"
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>3862156
P L O T
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>3862156
Why can't goo aliens steal that?
Ahem, yeah, wanna join our troupe?
>>
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>>3862160
SUDDENLY THE SHIP HITS SOMETHING! WHABAM! The hull shakes as the Black Horse attempts to regain balance.
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>3862184
Did the bait work?
>>
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>>3862198
The upside is that turns out the aliens are baited by terrible singing, it also meant you didn't have to look for them.

The downside is that you didn't even prepare a trap
>>
Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>3862208

No problem!! Take the prettiest boy and make him wear dress then BAM! We got our trap!
>>
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>>3862228
"Too bad we got no boys on this ship. Only MEN! HYUAARRGHH!!!!!" Then Edward does a flexing motion

"But for real though. Battle stations! Fester, Jester! You're with me, get to the hangar. Everyone else, to the bridge and man the Black Horse's weapons"
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>3862236
Deploy all 3!
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>3862236
Ayeaye captain!
>>
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>>3862240
The mechs are battle ready. Combat will commence!...in 20-ish hours. Work day's gonna start soon and communist overlords are bursting down my door any minute now.

Updates b here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>
I can't believe OP is fucking dead
>>
>>3863436
>finally run times and work times align for a perfect thread
>OP dies
It's not fair
>>
RIP OP
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>3863922
wait a minute...
>>
>>3864060
Nope, he ded
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>3864206
Unless.
>>
>>3864207
Unless
>>
>>3865304
¿ya es hora?
>>
>>3865306
Almost, almost.

Soon
>>
>>3865307
Soon.tm
>>
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>>3865474
>>3865474
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>3865478

Bandit are reading Shakespeare and developing video game at the same time.
>>
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>>3865481
Of course, with this combo, the game this dog is making will be...Shakespearean
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>3865492
>Playtesting Fester tells him concerns over Romeo and Juliet now being a dark action fantasy game where you mow down legions of italians
>>
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>>3865503
"bork"

TL note: "Bork" means "You don't understand, Fester. The story of Romeo and Juliet can only be told sufficiently if between the tragic love scenes Romeo was doing sick 500 hits SSS rank combos"
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>3865507
Fair enough...oh right, we're fighting a giant goo squid, what are you doing in my cockpit?
>>
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>>3865508
He was communicating through one of the screens
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>3865510
Ah I see...shoot the squid
>>
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Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>3865513
Jumping into battle!

Roll 2d100
>>
Rolled 91, 54 = 145 (2d100)

>>3865520
YOU WILL NOT STEAL MY VEGGIE PASTE!!!
>>
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>>3865522
YOur shots hit the giant alien, it is seemingly unfazed
>>
Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>3865536
Uhhhh...Edward ideas? Shooting is about all I can do without kicking someone in the shins?
>>
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>>3865545
"Obviously, this thing's HP bar is huge. We gotta try and distract and harm it as much as possible while the Black Horse repositions itself so we can fire the main ship cannon at it"
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>3865553
Alright...
>And so we fly, annoying it by shooting it in the eyes
>>
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Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>3865558
Alright. Roll 2d100 to execute maneuver

The giant alien has +30 bonus
>>
Rolled 16, 62 = 78 (2d100)

>>3865565

Rollingu
>>
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Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>3865567
You shot out its left pair of eyes! It'll try to retaliate against you! Roll 2d100!

It has a +15 bonus!
>>
Rolled 68, 88 = 156 (2d100)

>>3865573

Can't touch me
>>
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>>3865576
It missed!
>>
>>3865573
>>
>>3865584
Fucking hell I don't know why capitals matter so much
>>
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>>3865587

syntax, I suppose
>>
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got work in 2 hours and thread is also dead. So it;s time for OP to die again. Much apologies.
>>
Maybe I can finally make it to next thread
>>
>>3866562
maybe, maybe
>>
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>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>3867716
Rise
>>
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Wait no, get back dfown there
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>3867721
I SAID RISE AND SHINE, COMRADE, THE DAY HAS JUST BEGUN
>>
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Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>3867724
Fine geez....OH SHIT WATCHOUT A SNEAK ATTACK

ROLL 2D100

+20 FOR THE ALIEN
>>
Rolled 17, 30 = 47 (2d100)

>>3867728
>>
Rolled 74, 86 = 160 (2d100)

>>3867728
Oh shit!
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>3867721
RISE!
>>
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>>3867734
oh no the marshal is destroyed and u died

so sad
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>3867743
No it didn't.
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>3867743
Luckily, the alien separated the head cleanly, so it can deploy its rockets and reattach itself to the body.
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>3867743
clearly the Marshal has a detachable head that is great for duel fighting like Gurren Lagaan.
>>
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>>3867745
Unluckily, the strike messed up the rocket's system and this ability can never be used ever again.

Also the Marshal lost some HP
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>3867750
activate spiral power!
hype thrusters at maximum
set parameters to ludicrously high impossibility
FIGHT DAH POWAH!
>>
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>>3867762
Wait, do you even have that?

Roll 2d100 to find out

1-75: No
76-100: Yes
>>
Rolled 26, 19 = 45 (2d100)

>>3867771
HYPE
>>
>>3867773
common anons! spiral bullet!
>>
Rolled 69, 81 = 150 (2d100)

>>3867771
Why would we?
>>
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>>3867780
>>
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>>3867780
You're right. Why would you have that? Better remove it to keep balance
>>
Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>3867789
Wait OP think of the possibilities! Think of the impossibilities! its perfect in the fight against eldrich horror xeno!
>>
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>>3867792
Yeah but where did you get this tho
>>
Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>3867789
What about the Ide?
Please don't actually do that. Just make something up if your not comfortable with Spiral Power, keep it otherwise.
>>
>>3867797
some dude in the back ally behind a Shakey's Pizza. He said that was pure spiral energy, Skinny guy, with a white complexion, like BONE white and triangle sunglasses.
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>3867797
>>3867798
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>3867801
>>3867797
>>
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>>3867803
SUDDENLY, A FLAAAAAAAAASSHBAAAACK

When Edward was off doing stuff during your 2 month operation. THe crew were given some down time occasionally. And in one of theose outings, the mechanic was made an offer by a mysterious weeaboo
>>
>>3867804
i think Op is broken by the spiral power or he took it and got high.
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>3867817
What's yer offer?
>>
>>3867817
Look mechanic this is the good shit, have your main character the cowboy or pirate what ever, I've been watching other shows to pay attention, but put this shit in your mechs. Maaaaaan it will make you trip!
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>3867821
>>3867817
fcuck
>>
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>>3867823
"Trust me, it'd be dope. I won't even need money. It's practically free!"
>>
Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>3867825
and that's how we got spiral energy and 1 extra twitter follower who is a weeb.
>>
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>>3867826
He also followed the Mechanic on social media. Kept asking her to show him her feet. But let's not talk about that.
>>
Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>3867833
ACTIVATE SPIRAL POWER
THINK OF YOUR OLD BIG BRO!
>fuck off fag stop coming into my room!
ah good times, fester misses big stand offish bro
>>
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>>3867838
Which is kinda weird since you're an orphan
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>3867844
oh yeah....
shoot some spiral powered bullet barrages at the xeno
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>3867844
"YO, EDWARD, AHM GODDAMN GLOWIN'! LEHS DO A COMBO!"
>>
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Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>3867845
Roll 2d100
>>
Rolled 41, 27 = 68 (2d100)

>>3867852
>>
Rolled 84, 79 = 163 (2d100)

>>3867852
Belieeeeeeevvvve the bullet will hit!
>>
>>3867856
YEAH SPIRAL POWER!
>>
>>3867856
Not bad...
>>
>>3867856
mvp, right here. good job.
>>
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>>3867856
The spiral shot took out a huge chunk of the creature!
>>
>>3867866
Edward did you see! How cool we looked!?
Now activate Gun Fu mode you saw from that movie Equilibrium.
>>
Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>3867866
Reposition while Jester opens fire with his beam, don't let the beast focus only on us
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>3867868
>>3867866
commom guys throw in some ideas!
>>
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>>3867871
Jester distracts the oncoming tentacles, allowing you to reposition!
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>3867887
have Edward Flank, so we can fire another spiral bullet into its back.
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>3867887
convince Edward to finally do a team attack with you, it'll be cooooolllll!
>>
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>>3867892
"Alright. What's the plan?"
>>
Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>3867899
You hold it down and I'll shoot it in its weak point! Or that huge gaping wound.
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>3867899
I make a HUUUUGE gun with my spiral energy and fire you at the Alien imbued with spiral power....SPIRAL!
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>3867899
I'll shoot to keep it distracted, then you catch it in your beam chains, and we finish off by both doing the Marshal Kick. Or maybe yours is the Davy Jones Kick? We'll need somebody to come up with a cool name for it though, that's crucial.
>>
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Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>3867901
"Got it. I'll get that wound for ya"

Roll 2d200 for Edward

+15 For the Alien
+30 For Edward
>>
Rolled 141, 179 = 320 (2d200)

>>3867906
let's do this
>>
Rolled 135, 114 = 249 (2d200)

>>3867906
make yah squeal like a space piggie illeagal alien! SUUUUWWEEEEEEEE
>>
Rolled 148, 44 = 192 (2d200)

>>3867906
>>
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Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>3867907
Edward zips through the tentacles and stabs the alien right in the missing chunk of its body! Twisting his beam cutlass, he causes the beast to shift its positioning! Giving you a clear shot!

ROLL 2D100

+20 for yoU!
>>
Rolled 62, 64 = 126 (2d100)

>>3867914
>>
>>3867918
nice
>>
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>>3867918
Your spiral shot went straight into the wound....and right through the other side of the alien! Obliterating its insides! yay!

anywya, I gotta go and live in a society for 3 ish hours, be abck soon, pls wait
>>
>>3867924
kay
>>
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>wake up
>only to find out I missed a bread
>>
>>3867962
Sad
>>
>>3868022
now back to the gayme
>>
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>>3868023
Yes. Bcckt to regular prgraming.

alien man has defeat cowboy fester man and the garaxy is doomed
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>3868026
That's alien propaganda, cut to the real victory
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>3868026
More alien propaganda after their defeat on npr radio broad cast of the fight
>>
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>>3868027
"Damn racist humans, always trynna keep the xenos down."
>>
>>3868031
take him Op get him out my sight, ITS THE HOOSCOW FOR YOU YAH SEE?
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>3868032
>>3868031
>>
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>>3868034
"YOU WILL NOT SILENCE OUR VOICES HUMANS! ALIENS RISE UP!"
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>3868035
Meanwhile, Anna the commie rebel has ambushed Edward in his cockpit.
>>
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>>3868038
"Ey. Good work Fester! Get back to the Black Horse. I'll have the crew loot the cors---Ey! Ey! Don't touch that! That's the cup holder!"

"DIE PIRATE SCUM!"
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>3868040
m'k wanna play smash bros while strategize our next plan?
>>
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>>3868044

"...You sure? Every time you play that it always ended with you shooting the screen"
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>3868048
fuck you I am always in control!
>>
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>>3868049
"Sure sure. Get back to the ship and set things up then. I'll be right after ya"
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>3868050
get in the dock, go to mess hall and eat a tub of veggie slop in protest, of our fat thighs.
>>
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>>3868051
If course, being a cyborg, your fat thighs are artificial. Which means the mad doctor made you this way, that monster
>>
>>3868053
What am i doing with my LIIIIIFE
thought fester while Bandit mixes him cocktail.
>>
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>>3868057
Hopefully it's not also veggie slop
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>3868059
reminds me the coast of california with my beach babe, soaking in the rays
>>
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>>3868061
Which is strange because you were never in California. Or had a beach babe. But the drink made you felt like you did.
>>
Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>3868062
wait? is that karaoke i see!? WRESTLE THE MIC AWAY FROM LUCHABOT!
>>
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>>3868068

Unfortunately you tripped on the way over
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>3868069
look at what I tripped over.
>>
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>>3868070
One of them techno thingamajigs that's a part of the floor
>>
>>3868071
Luchabot, what's that? Doesn't look like the usual techno things.
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>3868071
rip that sucker open could lead to a secret so juicy we could hold over edwards head. You know just in case...
>>
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>>3868072
"It;s just one of the electrical plugs covering, Fester. People in the mess hall can open it up to charge their phones and whatnot"
>>
Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>3868077
rip it open, there must be treasure inside
>>
>>3868078
my answers feel like from auqa teen hunger force.
>>
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>>3868078
"Sir I don't think that's a good idea....mostly because you don't need to rip it open, just press the button on it."
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>3868080
>too late
hmmm?
>>
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Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>3868082
You are already trying to rip out the covering.

Roll 2d100
>>
Rolled 97, 21 = 118 (2d100)

>>3868083
These artificial muscles must be of some good!
>>
Rolled 50, 37 = 87 (2d100)

>>3868083
>>
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>>3868084
AND INSIDE YOU FOUND...a bunch of electricity sockets
>>
>>3868087
Hmmm...darn, what a cheap ass, couldn't even give xray vision
>>
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>>3868096

As Edward tells it, apparently the doc tried to give your cyber body a bunch of stuff, but most were rejected in favour of random crap. Like the ability to connect wirelessly to pirate film sites, or a toothpaste dispenser, or an internal radio that only plays the soundtrack to "The Good the Bad and the Ugly"
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>3868099
Last part makes up for it tho, so I forgive him...still Dai, your doc is a massive hack
>>
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>>3868100

"He brought you back to life, that's good enough"
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>3868108
I was about to find out who my parents were! But fair enough, this is much better than being a square doing square dances in hell
>>
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>>3868109
"Oh you'll be back soon enough, Fester. I've even saved a special fire, juuust for you, ehehehehhee"

begone, satanic apparition
>>
Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>3868113
Satanic, more like sanic
Either way, your veggie gel sucks, can't I get fruits at least?
>>
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>>3868116
"Well, according to the doc's notes: Remember that he can only eat veggie slop from now on. And not a good tasting one either. It needs to taste terrible. Because it's the only way that uh....the mechanical systems can disgest it, yea. Also not even fruits are allowed, because the, uh.....acidic juices ruin the metals, yea. That's it."
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>3868118
Sounds fishy
>>
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>>3868124

"PS: no fish either"
>>
Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>3868126
Make mental note to eat an apple 'cause I think the doc just dislikes us...like majority of people we met for some reason
>>
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>>3868127

The number of people that likes you could probably be counted on one hand! There's Edward, Dai, Bandit, and....uh.....hm...
>>
Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>3868131
Jester seems to like us, and maybe Luchabot
>>
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>>3868135
And that makes 5! One hand! Yaayyy?
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>3868138
That's four more than we initially had!
Sorta, maybe we met Dai before and just didn't notice, did you ever work in that asteroid mining company I did?
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

I MADE IT TO BREAD
>>
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>>3868140
"I did some jobs for em before"
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>3868145
PLOT
>>
Fucking phone twatter notifications popping 3 hours after the post.
>>
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>>3868148
Suddenly the ships' intercomm sounds up

"WARNING, INCOMING UNKNOWN SHIP"
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>3868156
Rush to cockpit (the one with the cocks)
>>
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>>3868157
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>3868162

The cock is not your average cock, it is an cock kickboxer.
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>3868162
Cute...who is it?
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>3868162
Shit went to the cockfighting ring again
>>
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>>3868163
Oh shit
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>3868170
Darn...so who's calling us?
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>3868170
We meet again Jean Cluck Van Damn
>>
Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>3868170
Oh no, his eyes are glowing bright red
>>
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>>3868174
>>3868174
>>
Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>3868176
well Jean you called me here what do you want?
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>3868176
Shine a flashlight in his eyes
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>3868176
Tell him we need his help in repelling an attack
>>
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>>3868178
Much apologies for lateness
Building is having problems
I must go
>>
>>3868203
Ded 2.0
>>
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>>3868206
RIP
>>
>>3869636
RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>3869636
well well well
look who comes ghosting back
Says Fester
I think I need to review my contract with my Goblin Lawyer
>>
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>>3869640
The contract also doesn't cover kickboxing chickens
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>3869643
Jean Cluck.... tell me where Edward hides his best strategy guides. HE MUST CHEAT AT SMASH i know it!
>>
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>>3869647
>>3869647
>>
Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>3869648
not talking eh.... Maybe this will loosen that tongue of yours
start showing him pictures of KFC
>>
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>>3869655
*nervous bwock*
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>3869657
deep fried...
all those spices...
or would you prefer something slower...
like grilled
>>
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>>3869658
Yo dont agitate it too much
>>
Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>3869661
Then tell us what is on the message! Or else I will grind you in to cyborg paste and feed you to bandit
>>
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>>3869663
What message?
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>3869664
we were going to the cockpit because there was a message!
Now hand it over Jean Cluck VanDam
>>
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>>3869665
*very confused bwock to signify that there is no message*
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>3869669
.... One of our voices said there was a message or and emergancy and we had to go to the cock pit. So here we are! You know what get bandit in here, he'll know what to do
>>
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>>3869672
TL note: Bork means "There's no message in the cockpit, FEster. You're just a dumbass. But there is an unidentified ship approaching the Black Horse tho"
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>3869674
Oh shit! we better head over to the place that responds to such things!
>>
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>>3869676
Bandit directed you to the bridge, where the crew has gathered.

"Cap'n, the unknown ship isn't responding to us. But it keeps getting closer"

"Ready weapons, just in case then"
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>3869679
It could be all part of Jean Cluck's plot... But we should hold some doubt to that thought...
Ready the Our mech, we should sortie just in case!
>>
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>>3869680
Alright, sending out the Marshal to investigate. Let's hope that ship isn't hostile or something
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>3869682
Bring Bandit as back up, he can sniff out trouble no problem
>>
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>>3869683
NOw roll a d10 to see what it is

9-10: An abandoned ship, has loot
7-8: Your long lost brother, non-hostile
4-6: Your long lost brother, hostile
2-3: A bomb
1: A BIG bomb
>>
Rolled 8 (1d10)

>>3869692
oh jeeze
>>
Rolled 3 (1d10)

>>3869692
>>
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>>3869695
>>3869695
OH MY GOD FESTER A BOMB
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>3869705
shoot it with spiral bulleto!
>>
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>>3869707
"Shooting a bomb is not a good idea Fester, get outta there!" You can hear Edward yelling over the comms
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>3869712
Do so!
>>
>>3869714
>>3869712
meaning run for it
>>
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Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>3869714
Can ye make it in time?

2d100
>>
Rolled 87, 2 = 89 (2d100)

>>3869718
One can only HOPE!
>>
>>3869721
oh no bandit save us!
>>
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>>3869721
>>3869722
Roll 2d100 to have bandit seize the controls
>>
Rolled 68, 99 = 167 (2d100)

>>3869726
common little buddy!
>>
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>>3869728
Got away jsut in time
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>3869730
Good boy Bandit
but who "set us up the bomb?"
"main screen turn on"
contact edward
"how are you gentlemen?"
>>
Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>3869730
Investigate the remains, somebody tried to blow up the Black Horse.
>>
>>3869732
though my joke is "funneh"
we should go with this anon, because I have been in control for a while.
>>
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Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>3869733
Aint that an understatement. Anyway

>>3869732
You head back down to where the bomb was.

Roll 2d100 to pick up clues
>>
Rolled 5, 52 = 57 (2d100)

>>3869737
>>
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>>3869739

In the wreckage you found a piece of the bomb with some markings on it, could be a logo of some sort. It's too badly damaged from the blast, but if you bring it back to the ship it could be examined.
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>3869741
do that
>>
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>>3869742
And so you head back to the ship and engage...another thread break. Way too low energy right now aint it?
>>
>>3869744
Yeah, as much as I love my dumb ideas being played out, I dont want to go as far as ruin the game for everyone.
>>
>>3869746
>everyone
More like, one, cuz it's only you here right now. heyooooooooooooooo
>>
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>>3869748
>>
>>3869748
just come back in time for a thread break why me
>>
>>3869751
Because life sucks. BUt hey, if there's at least 2 dudes present then we can continue. YEa?
>>
>>3869752
>>3869750
maybe
>>
>>3869752
yeah
>>
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>>3869754
>>3869755
Whoosh, flying back to ship

Roll 2d100 and not get a number from 1 to 10 in order to not get blown up by a stray asteroid
>>
Rolled 79, 77 = 156 (2d100)

>>3869756
>>
Rolled 56, 71 = 127 (2d100)

>>3869756
maneuver
>>
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>>3869757
"Damnit, i'll get you next time" - asteroid
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>3869760
have someone invest the piece and see if they can recognize it
>>
>>3869760
Haha! silly asteroid! take fragment for analysis
>>
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>>3869761
Luchabot will now take the piece down to the lab for analysis
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>3869763
must have been either aliens or the bounty
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>3869763
hmmmm, maybe we should look into more bounties while this is getting analyzed
>>
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>>3869767

"Well, the only big target we left is Smith. That rival hunter who kicked our asses the first time around"
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>3869771
Does he have a face that's not his giant robot suit
And who posted that bounty
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>3869771
we need to find his weakness
bet its something sinister
>>
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>>3869773
"Yes. A secret weakpoint, perhaps? A weakspot in his mech? SOme...family members that I can choke, maybe? A spouse? Or child? That I can use as hostages? hmmmm"
>>
>>3869777
Or maybe we could just find out through the internet
>>
Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>3869777
>>3869781
>>
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>>3869781

"Yesss, find out where his family lives"
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>3869786
You haven't been yourself every since you visited the skeleton mafia, haven't you
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>3869786
dox him on the chinese internet forums
>>
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Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>3869789

Connecting to secret chinese dark web forums

Roll 2d100
>>
Rolled 79, 72 = 151 (2d100)

>>3869794
oh no
>>
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>>3869795
Alright, bypassed the 50 million proxies, horse porn links and malware
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>3869798
so much horse porn too
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>3869798
see his profile through the leaks
>>
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>>3869800
This is supposedly the only known photo of his actual face, but it's very blurry and is basically worthless. Dude got very little details of what he did or who he was before bounty hunting. No family records, dental, former employment, no nothing. So that either means he was basically a nobody before his bounty hunter career, an orphan, or the records were deliberately scrubbed off the archives.
>>
Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>3869804
the orphanage... look into that, what orphanages had orphans....?
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>3869804
Find out the bounty poster's info
Surely he must know a bit about him
>>
>>3869809
And so you looked into who posted Smith's bounty in the first place. And it turned out to be not one source. But multiple. It's a collective of groups that he musta fucked over during his career. In here we have both governmental, criminal, corporation, and private organizations
>>
Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>3869811
any of them linked besides his name alone? Heists? Hits? Habitual Resistance?
>>
Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>3869811
Look into their crimes.
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>3869811
Notice that one of the bounties Smith has accepted looks exactly like Edward's ex-girlfriend
>>
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>>3869815
wuh oh spaghetti-o. Seems like he just accepted this one recently and hasn't gone after her yet....and the ones who posted this...are the same guys who posted Smith's own bounty, but under a disguise. Thanks anonymous austist hackers for finding that out
>>
Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>3869816
Bing Bong
Analysis Complete Seniors!
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>3869816
And they just posted Edward's
>>
>>3869816
>wuh oh spaghetti-o
There it is
>>
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>>3869817
Alright, now time to tell Ed of your findings
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>3869822
Ed is already behind you and fuming.
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>3869822
ooh, but first, click that link promising a secret upgrade for the Marshal. It seems legit!
>>
Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>3869822
maybe the bomb, this bounty, and smith are linked some how
>>
>>3869823
>>3869824
How about both
>>
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>>3869823
>>3869824
>>3869826
Sure, now let's check this totally non-shady link for secret mecha upgrades
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>3869827
Ed you ok buddy? looks like you have something you wanna say
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>3869827
SUDDEN INCOMING CALL FROM EDWARD'S PROBABLY BUT MAYBE NOT EX-GF
>>
>>3869827
looking a bit lolisniffer there edward
>>
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>>3869829
"OH what? Ah it's nothing buddy! Just, ah. Return to that screen that shows Smith's current active bounties."
>>
Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>3869827
Ed, you should probably see a doctor about your red eye thing. It doesn't seem healthy.
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>3869833
Ok man
Everyone else suddenly gets a sense of dread
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>3869833
Sure thing, just a... huh? That bounty kind of looks like me. And that's Dai... the mechanic... Jester...

Ed, I think we got a serious problem here.
>>
Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>3869833
what did the anaylizing metal piece say?
>>
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>>3869835

"Oh hey look! That's Rachelle, my ex! And hey! That's me. Then there's you. And the rest of the crew. Even bandit too! All given to him by the same source too, what a coincidence huh?"
>>
Rolled 70 (1d100)

>>3869842
yeahhhh... so lets go find smith now
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>3869842
well if we analyze where that part came from we could have some leads?
>>
Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>3869842
The analysis report comes in and it turns out those were the same people that put up all those bounties under the name of some alliance
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>3869842
Black Horse's AI and Luchabot both try to inform Ed of results from analyzing bomb fragments
>>
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>>3869844
"Yes. And if the ones who's sending Smith after us are the same ones sending us after him, then maybe we're being played. Find out more about them, see if they're really screwing us."
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>3869849
Delve in and attempt to find out
>>
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>>3869850
Alright, looking through a bunch of backlinks, hidden proxies, techno mumbo jumbo, yadda yadd, you're beginning to reach the source. The one that posted Smith's bounty and your bounties are one and the same, and they were both fake, disguises used by the actual one behind this
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>3869852
WHO IS IT?? I MUST KNOW
>>
Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>3869852
They're one step ahead of us. Some sort of security AI starts trying to hack the Fester & the Black Horse
>>
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Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>3869860
Son of a bitch! Roll 2d100! Quickly!
>>
Rolled 78, 83 = 161 (2d100)

>>3869861
I bet we can still fuck this up somehow!
>>
Rolled 80, 2 = 82 (2d100)

>>3869861
gasp
>>
Rolled 71, 86 = 157 (2d100)

>>3869861
sloppy job
>>
Rolled 10, 71 = 81 (2d100)

>>3869861
>1
Ship AI literally strangles the hacker to submission
>>
>>3869863
>2
>1 fucking roll difference from death
>>
>>3869866
this happened last time when I rolled the spiral energy bullet
>>
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>>3869863
>2
The ship's AI manged to defeat the sec AI....but it wasn't like a cool cyber Ai battle with sick laser beams or anything.

They both engaged in a nerd slapfight with the ship's AI winning by 1 extra slap
>>
Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>3869868
Attempt to track it's location
>>
Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>3869868
Heath & Cliff report that the entire ship's intercom is currently playing the world's saddest slap fight.

And also we're on the news as wanted space terrorists.
>>
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>>3869869
AND THE SOURCE IS....

A. An anti-pirate and cowboy alliance
B. Your long-lost brother who has a death grudge against you and Edward
C. The damn aliens, turns out they knew how to work tech all along!
D. Some asshole that thought it'd be funny
E. Your mom lmao
F. OP
>>
Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>3869873
roll for it
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>3869873
A, B, C, & D
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>3869873
A+B+C+D
>>
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>>3869875
OH MY GOD IT WAS THE DICE THE WHOLE TIME
>>
Rolled 28 (1d100)

>>3869878
my god...
>>
Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>3869878
It was Fester's mom all along. This was her idea of a belated birthday present
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>3869878
Edward's Fester's glitching again
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>3869878
DICE: Developing Interstellar Criminal Enterprises
>>
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>>3869881
Anwyay, roll 2d60 for the result. Do taht while I gotta go and be forced to participate in socializing. Toodles

1-9: Some asshole
10-19: Long lost evil brother
20-30: Damn aliens
31-49: Anti-pirate and cowboy alliance
50-60: All of the above
>>
Rolled 22, 30 = 52 (2d60)

>>3869884
good luck, OP. We're all counting on you.
>>
Rolled 57, 58 = 115 (2d60)

>>3869884
>>
Rolled 27, 9 = 36 (2d60)

>>3869884
>>
>>3869884
>>
Rolled 46, 64 = 110 (2d100)

>>3869897
for crying out loud
>>
Rolled 13, 42 = 55 (2d60)

>>3869899
Wait, I'm rarted.
>>
Rolled 13, 36 = 49 (2d60)

>>3869884
>>
Rolled 46, 46 = 92 (2d60)

>>3869884
>>
>>3869886
shit it was all of them all along
>>
Goddamit, I missed it again!
>>
24 hours until OP fucking dies, again
>>
>>3871711
Dead maybe
>>
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>>3873285
Quiet, you
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>3873291
Back to the reveal
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>3873291
No u
>>
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>>3873293
Of course! All your links and clues brings you to this! The Alliance! Some sort of anti-space pirate and cowboy coalition! Name and logo deliberately chosen to be generic and forgettable in order to slip under the radar
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>3873309
That's a very specific alliance, do we have a list of who's in it?
>>
Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>3873309
Look up who the leader of the alliance is these days
>>
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>>3873314
There are many, some, famous corps, some, criminals. But the 3 that is apparently at the top are.....Lester Winchester, Xyrk'Orakk and....Steve
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>3873326
Huh, never knew there were actual Winchesters out there...hey wait a second! Wasn't Steve the guy we tried to kidnap?
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>3873326
Mechanic calls, apparently somebody claiming to be a Legendary Mech-Smith is here to deliver some upgrades. Something about clicking a link?
>>
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>>3873336
"Wait what"

"Yeah, cap'n. Says somebody here ordered his services online"
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>3873342
Bandit shows up with a coupon and phone
>>
Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>3873342
mechanic tracked down her long-lost mentor and wanted to talk to him again
>>
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>>3873349
"Anh uh, cap'n. I think we should at least, uhm, hear him out for a bit. Yea."
>>
>>3873359
Okay, why not
>>
Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>3873361
>>
Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>3873359
"Alright, but only because you seem to trust him."
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>3873359
Download the profiles on the Alliance's leaders and head to the Mech Bay.
>>
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>>3873364
"Greetings. Now who here needs their mech upgraded?"
>>
Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>3873381
Oooh me me!...well all of us really
>>
Rolled 67 (1d100)

>>3873381
waitaminute...
>>
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>>3873386
"Alright sir, please, show me to your mech. And if you can, give me a quick rundown on it and what you''re looking for"
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>3873399

He look awful shady.... Hmmmmm...
>>
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>>3873407

Waaaaat? This guy? This guy. This guy? He's shady? Whaaaat? Pffft. Nah man. Nah. No. Now way.
>>
Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>3873424
Look if you can't trust shady people you find on the internet, who can you trust? Take him to the Marshal.
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>3873424
Wait a second.
That beard.
The way he handles his cap.
The shiteating grin.
it's fester's dad
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>3873424
He reaaaaly reminds me of someone, can't put my finger of whom tho...search the database on his face by using our internet access brain and space google image search
>>
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>>3873431

"Heath, Cliff. Keep an eye on this guy."

"Can do, cap'n"
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>3873452

They release the floating spy eye on them.
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>3873452
So where do you come from partner?
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>3873452
Aww, Ed's jealous that Fester got a new friend
>>
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>>3873456
>>
Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>3873466
So pardner, what's yer name?
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>3873466
"So I was hoping to make the Marshal more durable, I died recently, you know? But I also kinda want a signature move. Ed's always having to bust out his Keelhaul and I want to to support him, right? So you ever seen any of the Django films? Well, the cowboy in that is dragging a coffin..."
>>
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>>3873470
"Chester"
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>3873478
What a coincidence, mah names Fester, Fester Winchester, nice to meetcha
>>
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>>3873481
"Ey. Nice to meetcha too, Fester.My family name's also Winchester. Maybe we're related? Ahaha> Anyway. Tell me about your mech"
>>
Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>3873492
Doubt it, picked my surname out of a blue, but yeah, Marshal is a shooty cowboy mech that mostly flies around the foe and stuff, also can kick 'em and use marshal beam™
>>
>>3873495
dis
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>3873492
Naw, Ahm an orphan. All mah family died when an was a babe. Musta been pretty grisly, docs at tha orphanage said ah wuz repressin' what happened, to the point it makes me kinda dumb and socially awkward
>>
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>>3873495
"Hm hm, anything else? Any specifics on how you want your upgrades to be?"
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>3873508
put on kick ass triangle shades
>>
Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>3873508
Give us extra protection, being being flattened made me self-conscious about my health
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>3873508
An energy shield could help, uhhh...ooh, hear me out...1000000 gallon hat with missiles in it!
>>
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>>3873512
"riiight"
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>3873508
This >>3873471
>>
Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>3873523
>>3873513
>>
Rolled 24 (1d100)

>>3873514
>>3873523
>>
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>>3873526
"Alright, better armor. Got it"
>>
Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>3873533
Ditch the shades
>>
Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>3873533
And a ten gallon hat with missiles in it, but much sized, ah, and one more question
>>
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>>3873535
"Okay, no shades. Changed your mind huh"
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>3873540
A big hat with rockets or sumfin
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>3873540
no add shades fuck that anon
>>
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>>3873543
"More armor, giant hat with rockets in it. What else?"
>>
Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>3873555
Nothing else. If I ever ask for shades again ignore me, it's just my dementia kicking in
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>3873555
Cool shades
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>3873555

Pilot seat with inbuild toilet.
>>
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>>3873558
"Huh? Only 2 upgrades? Alright then. Keeping it simple"
>>
Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>3873573
All we need you to do is to take off your hat and then we can pay you
>>
Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>3873573
>>3873578
Hey one more upgrade, let's get rocket heels to make our kicking better.
>>
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>>3873578
"HM? Why?"
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>3873585
Can't have some guy who hides his eyes take my money, my dad always said
>>
Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>3873585

Because I want to see your hairstyle.
>>
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>>3873600
"I uh, rather not. My hat's there to hide a huge bald spot. It's quite weird looking"
>>
Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>3873606
So does mine
>Take off my hat that reveals brains in a jar with several tubes
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>3873606
But me cowboy dad always said bald people are not to be trusted.
>>
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>>3873613
"What do your dad have against bald people?"
>>
Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>3873623
A lot of things like how they steal haSNATCH HIS HAT AWAY NOW
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>3873623
That was a joke, I don't have a dad...BANDIT NOW!!!
>>
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Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>3873630
ROLL 2D100
>>
Rolled 29, 50 = 79 (2d100)

>>3873645
BANDIT GO!
>>
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>>3873648
OH SHIT
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>3873659
Bandit slaps OP and makes him draw the real scene
>>
Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>3873659
That was Bandit's thought before he punches Chester to death
>>
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>>3873661
SHIT OH
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>3873672
Now back to reality of him just snatching his hat, maybe some day Bandit, maybe some day
>>
Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>3873672
Don't notice it, just suddenly see Chester dead with a hole in his chest
>>
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>>3873680
>>
Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>3873689
AHA...not sure what I was gonna gain from it
>>
Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>3873689
He's wearing a bandit mask!
>>
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>>3873692
"Not a fucking discount. That's for damn sure"
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>3873702
Use our cyber eyes to analyze his hatless face
>>
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>>3873708

Wow. He really is super bald under there
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>3873722
Literally everyone else has figured it out by now and are just waiting for Fester to catch up
>>
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>>3873730

TL note: Bork means "Of course, it's so simple. This guy is actually an Alliance agent, sent here to sabotage our crew's mechs. When I snatched his hat away inside it was an Alliance logo. Also Fester secretly likes to watch romantic teen comedies and cry to himself.
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>3873738
Unfortunately, Fester has the brain of a walnut.
>>
Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>3873738
I see, also its COWBOY romantic teen comedies...all 3 of them...either way CHESTER WINCHESTER, I KNOW YOU AND LESTER WINCHESTER ARE AT CAHOOTS AGAINST US!!!
>>
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>>3873741
Which lead to Fester deciding to, eh, let the guy work his magic. It's a mech upgrade you got from the internet. HOw bad could it be?

The answer is that it's so bad that thread will continue in about 24 hours or something. Communist overlords do not support giant robots.
>>
OP is dead again isn't he?
>>
>>3873808
Fucking hell, why is autoupdate not working?
>>
continuing tomorrow-ish. Hope nothing happens!
>>
>>3876379
op, that's a deathflag
>>
>>3876411
>>3876411
What's the worst that could happen
>>
>>3876429
Internet cuts off
all of it
>>
>>3876429
fester dies again
>>
>>3877918
he said worst, not best
>>
>>3877924
pls
>>
>>3877948
now?
>>
>>3877970
20 minutes
>>
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>>
>>3878008
Fucking shit where are we?
>>
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>>3878015
>>3878015
Of course, of course. You were about to let the totally not shady mechanic, Chester, upgrade the MArshal
>>
Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>3878016
totally not lester at all
>>
>>3878016
Oh man how many bitcoins did we pay for this upgrade?
GET TO WORK CHESTER!
>>
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>>3878018
Totally
>>
Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>3878021
wait, I just remembered...BALD PEOPLE ARE EVIL
>>
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>>3878025
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>3878027
Shoot at Lester's hat now!
>>
>>3878028
I mean CHESTER...yes
>>
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Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>3878028
Rowl 2d100
>>
Rolled 68, 86 = 154 (2d100)

>>3878036
>>
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>>3878038
You shot his hat off!

Rude
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>3878042
BALD! BALD! BALD! BALD!
>>
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>>3878043

"You're a cyborg, Fester. You don't even have real hair"
>>
Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>3878044
At least I HAVE hair!
>>
Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>3878044
BADLY MC BALDY SCARY NO LIKE
>>
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>>3878046

"Come now, Fester. Is that anyway to talk to...YOUR OWN BROTHER?!" Chester rips off his face to reveal an entire evil space cowboy costume underneath!
>>
Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>3878050
[gasps in cyborg]
>>
Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>3878050
hi
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>>3878054
01100111 01100001 01110011 01110000
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Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>3878056
Everybody else jumps him.
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>>3878058
"FOOLS! YOU THINK I'D ALLOW MYSELF TO GET JUMPED?!"

Then the ship is rocked by an explosion!

"WARNING. HULL BREACHED" Announced the ship AI
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Rolled 53 (1d100)

>>3878061
>get knocked back
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Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>3878061
binary ×10
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>>3878064
As the hull is breached, he climbed into some kinda mech and blasted off before the crew can get their bearings. By the time the Black Horse puts up its shield to stop the vacuum of space, he's already out of firing range.

All you can say is: 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00001010 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011
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Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>3878070
bang fist in the ground, crying tears of cyborg, wails of cyborg, was i cyborg all along!?
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Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>3878070
Oh great, now he can only speak in binary
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>>3878072
"No Fester, you were only a cyborg since you died the first time"
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Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>3878080
BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW I WASNT A CONVINCING CYBORG THEN!? IT FELT SO REAAAAAL!
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>>3878082
"Does it really matter?"
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Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>3878085
"No." - everyone else
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>>3878086
"YEah. Nobody cares if you're a cyborg or not"

"Dai's a cyborg and that doesn't change anything"

"In our time, cyberization is the norm. Cyborgs aren't even a minority"

"One day I will kill Edward and avenge the cause"
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Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>3878090
GET IN OUR MECH AND CHASE AFTER LESTER
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>>3878095
"Alone?"
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Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>3878100
Yes.
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>>3878105
"Alright, call for backup or retreat if needed"
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Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>3878123
Lester's waiting for us in an asteroid field
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>>3878142
Sure this is not an obvious trap
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Rolled 22 (1d100)

>>3878151
Go in even though it might be a trap
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Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>3878151
It is a trap, but Lester's not exactly a genius either
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Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>3878151
A Boy has a right to dream...
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>>3878205
What's he dreaming about?Who knows. OP tore his asshole open again due to a massive shit. 12 hours is needed for the anus to heal
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>>3878227
come on OP keep running
just apply lotion to your ass
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>>3878205
God I love Outlaw Star.
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>>3878227
>12 hours
>>
>slept through first bread
>wake up just in time for second one
>it's not happening
OP why
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>>3879381
Communists banned clocks
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>>3879387
>>3879381
>>3879373
Much apologies, the gulag doesn't have any watches
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Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>3879579
Eat a sandwich
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Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>3879579
>>3879581
no punch a sandwich
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>>3879581
Oh, I have your sandwich right here
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Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>3879586
BROTHEEEER! Are you an orphan too?
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Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>3879586
DONT GO ITS A TRAP!!!
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>>3879599
But it has bacon in it. You like bacon dontchu Fester?
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Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>3879602
ye wont tempt me succubus!
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Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>3879602
I can't eat bacon, Cowboy God knows I tried
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>>3879604
Oh but this is special bacon, that can be eaten by cyborrrrgs
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Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>3879616
Prove it, throw it over here
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>>3879618
Hey man, we're in space. If I throw it it'll be lost
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Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>3879627
DON'T DO IT IT'S A DISGUISE OF YOUR EVIL BROTHER
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Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>3879627
op, where is the beef?
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>>3879631
"I see you're not COMPLETELY retarded. Not quite yet"
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Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>3879636
"Soon."
(Fester actually means "I'll get you soon")
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Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>3879636
dont worry I have enough to go around dear brother......
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Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>3879636
shut up texas-worshipping evil me
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Rolled 39 (1d150)

>>3879639
"We'll see"

Roll 2d100
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Rolled 9, 55 = 64 (2d100)

>>3879644
>>
Rolled 88, 95 = 183 (2d100)

>>3879644
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>>3879649

Nice! You avoided his lasso!
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Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>3879658
Now I shoot his knees
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Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>3879658
Only someone who follows the anti-cowboy texas would do this
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Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>3879658
Throw spiral hat toss. Like Kung loa but call it cowboy hoedown
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>>3879663
>>
Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>3879668
We must destroy him! Shoot his gun!
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Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>3879664
>>3879668
Imma cowboy babeh
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Rolled 110 (1d150)

>>3879670

Roll 2d100
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Rolled 34, 23 = 57 (2d100)

>>3879677
Darnation
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Rolled 28, 44 = 72 (2d100)

>>3879677
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>>3879679
oh no
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Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>3879685
How did he get those d150s
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Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>3879685
Catch it
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Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>3879685
PULL OUT OTHER GUN
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Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>3879688
>>3879688
Roll 2d100 against the universe
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Rolled 79, 93 = 172 (2d100)

>>3879692
>we were supposed to hunt down the last bounty
>instead we are now fighting our brother for some reason
Are we doomed to walk this path for all eternity
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Rolled 42, 59 = 101 (2d100)

>>3879692
Come ooon
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>>3879694
The bounty also has you as HIS target. He'll come for you eventually
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Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>3879705
call him names under yourbreath
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Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>3879705
Shoot his hat off
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Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>3879705
Wasn't it a setup in the first place or whatever Edward said
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>>3879709
>>
Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>3879739
Say, didn't marshal have grenades or something like that?
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Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>3879739
take a wild potshot that kills him in one hit
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>>3879741
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Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>3879757
hey we haven't even seen his mech. is he...behind us!
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Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>3879757
Throw 'em, and shoot at him at the same time, he can't do two things at the same time
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>>3879762
Wait....then can YOU do two things at the same time?
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Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>3879769
Yeah, we trained for many years back when we were a child with no parents to tell him to do his homework.
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Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>3879769
We have robot brain and hat plenty of practice throwing rocks AND shooting nerf gun at that weird weeb girl that was running along the trees in the orphanage
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Rolled 77 (1d150)

>>3879772

Roll 2d100!

You got a +20 bonus!
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Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>3879769
try rubbing your belly while patting your head
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Rolled 20, 75 = 95 (2d100)

>>3879788
>>
Rolled 76, 30 = 106 (2d100)

>>3879788
>>
Rolled 89, 62 = 151 (2d100)

>>3879788
HOLD ON CAN I STILL SAVE THIS?
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>>3879795
*teleports behind u*

"psssh, nuthin personel, kid"
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Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>3879812
Shoot behind us
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Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>3879812
USE THE MARSHAL KICK AND KICK HIM BACK LIKE A HORSE WOULD
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Rolled 18, 6 = 24 (2d100)

>>3879812
"not the anti-cyborg emp!"
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Rolled 137 (1d150)

>>3879822
>>3879822
ROLL 2D100
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Rolled 18, 42 = 60 (2d100)

>>3879827
WHERE'S THE BONUS NIGGA
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Rolled 16, 51 = 67 (2d100)

>>3879827
>>
Rolled 6, 98 = 104 (2d100)

>>3879827
Why does Dice God hate us so much?
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>>3879829
It's down here in my basement
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>>3879841
Shine flashlight
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Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>3879841
>go into OP's basement for the bonus for our dice roll
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Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>3879847
>>
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>>3879873
>>3879873
>>3879873
>>
Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>3879883
Where's the loicense for that gun?
>>