>>3771536
>You heard the queen's been asking questions about you. Better check out what that's about

>>3771536
>You heard the queen's been asking questions about you. Better check out what that's about

She’s far too prudent and cunning to be left waiting for long.

>>3771542
Support

All in agreement I see

>writing

>>3771595
We can fight space pirates without flinching even little bit but that lady scares the crap out of us. That's impressive as she is not even an enemy as it stands.

>>3771605
It's probably a combination of the Queen being hot as fuck and Eric's spaghetti dimension that spills every time he talks with women.

>>3771613
Her social power level is through the roof, being able to be a ruling politician of an entire civilization while maintaining a large family. Eric, on the other hand, is probably still stuck in the Saiyan saga.

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40 KB JPG

Obviously the Queen asking about you is a big deal, especially since she's not asking YOU directly.
Also given the fact that she's remarkably prudent and cunning for a Saiyan, she shouldn't be left waiting for too long.
So you get ready and make your way to the presidential suite of the hotel where they are accommodated.

By this point the staff know not to bother the guy built like a brick shithouse and wearing a bone mask.
After reaching her suite you start knocking on the door and a pair of guards open it for you.
They barely even get to take a good look at you before a voice could be heard coming from inside.
"Who is it?"

"It's the Earthling my queen!"

"Ah. Excellent. Please do let him in."

This seems a bit... odd, given how she could sense your presence. Most likely a formality, or perhaps a tactic to throw you off guard.
Regardless which it is, you enter and get greeted by the robe wearing lady standing up from her armchair and extending a greeting to you.
"Welcome son of Earth... I hope it's okay if I don't address you directly.
I've found a few listening devices in the room and I'm not sure I got them all."

Those... cunts.
"I hope you didn't take offense to that."

"My dear, it's rather unsightly when one gets offended at little things like that.
Only if they do it again after I voice my complaints regarding them will I be... and even then it'd be more accurate to say "disappointed" rather than "offended".
But look at me ramble... Please tell me, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I heard you asking questions about me."

"That I did-"
She stands up and walks over to a wine rack. Carefully she examines each and every bottle until finally she picks one out and pours herself a glass after opening it.
"Care to join me? I do hate talking in such a formal manner.
A more... casual discussion would be most welcome."

>Sure.
>Thanks but... I don't drink on the job
>No thanks
>Other?

>>3771619
>No thanks

>>3771619
>other

Take a few sips to be polite. Obviously don’t drink very much if it’s on par with rubbing alcohol like how most Saiyan booze tends to be.

>>3771619
>Sure
>Only drink 1 or 2 shots, you don't want a repeat of last time you overindulged yourself in saiyan booze

A hint: It's not Saiyan stuff

Well, okay.
Polite sip only

>writing

>>3771619
>Shure. Take a glass to slowly enjoy maybe take another if it's the good stuf no more thought. You saw how mutch control over your mouth you had when drunk with Renso.

You shudder as you recall how wasted you got. So with a few reservations you sheepishly nod.
"But only a bit."

"Of course."
She takes the same bottle she was drinking from and hands over a glassful to you.
Giving it a cautious sip just for testing purposes you conclude that... yeap, it's made from grapes.
Seeing your reaction the Queen chuckles a bit.
"I see you are about as much of an expert as I am.
Truth be told I don't know what it's made from but it's much more palpable than Saiyan drinks.
Those tend to be... crude and unrefined. These are pleasantly weak by contrast."

Sighing with relief at the realization that this is NOT Saiyan in origin, you take in a bit more.
Though it's not sweet by any means, it's not unpleasant. Smacking your lip a bit you set down the glass and lean back a bit.
"So... if you don't mind me asking, what were you so curious about?"

"Hmmmm. Hard to say exactly.
I hope I don't come across as presumptuous when I say I've come to understand your species over the past few days."

"No, not at all."
In fact, you'd be shocked otherwise.
Of all the Saiyans she seems to be the only one who has the capacity to do such a thing.

"And I hope you also don't mind that I've been asking around."
She speaks as she rolls the neck of the glass between her fingers.
"From every source I knew, Cabba, your... earthling lady friend and finally, my own family.
I wanted to know every detail about you because, frankly, you aren't like the others."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"Good. I meant it as such.
I'll be blunt. Your people are weak, cowardly and unremarkable.
Yet here you are... One of the most interesting specimens I've ever seen."
The queen then chuckles a bit and leans back in her chair.
"I'm not even sure which one of us should pay respect to the other.
After all, you outrank me quite a bit."

"I wouldn't go that far-"

"Don't be modest.
After all not many people are affiliated with a... God of Destruction."
For fucks sake.. Why did she have put so much emphasis on that name?
"But now that you're here I don't have to rely on second hand information. After all, everyone has an angle, an agenda, a different viewpoint...
I hope you'll allow me a few questions. So that I get to know yours."

>Of course.
>That depends heavily on the question
>I politely refuse
>Other?

>>3771697
>That depends heavily on the question

>>3771697
>That depends heavily on the question but I don't see that many topics I would refuse to speak about.

>>3771697
>That depends heavily on the question

>>3771697
>That depends heavily on the question

>>3771697
>That depends heavily on the question
>I'm surprised,I didn't even know there were saiyans out there with training in psionics. I assumed that you were all extremely ki centric, but I suppose there are exceptions to every rule.
It should be pretty obvious by now that she's actually psychic

A'ight
>writing

You nod.
"That depends heavily on the question but I don't see that many topics I would refuse to speak about."

"Wonderful.
Now with your permission, let us begin."
The queen adjust her posture by setting down her glass and crossing her legs.
"What's your exact relationship with the God of Destruction?"

"I'm his chef..."

She frowns a bit.
"I heard that... though I found it to be a bit too ridiculous to believe."

"I assure you.
It's true."

"Well... That changes things.
I surely hope we'll get to experience the cooking of a god."

"I'm no god. But if you wish for a meal then all you need is ask.
Maybe after the Tournament. Or the day before."

"I'd find that positively lovely.
But back to the topic at hand...
For you to be his personal chef is... perplexing to say the least."

"Why is that?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOjo4LhoiJA

"Because there are no records of him having a personal chef like you. Ever.
Which is odd, considering there used to be a planet called Bah-kon. Its residents were a race of pig-like humanoid with exceptional smell and what was said to be the most refined palette in the galaxy.
Their meals were the wonder of the galaxy."

"Used to be?"

"What do you think happened to it?"

"Champa obviously."

"Right...
He disliked their food and eradicated them completely.
A race whose every facet of existence was attuned to the making of exquisite meals... gone, like dust in the wind.
And yet here you are. An individual from the most bland species in the universe, from a nameless rock that's barely out of the stone age... Serving the God of Destruction as a chef.
Doesn't it seem a bit inconsistent?"

"It does strike me as odd.
But not everybody is the same. Champa simply happened to like Earthly cuisine.
That's all."

"I surely hope you don't mean that."
She uncrosses her legs and places her elbows on her lap as she leans forward to look at you.
"Tell me... do you know how the gods operate?"

"A bit..."

"Let me be more specific?
Do you know how they create life?"

"No."

"I don't mean their method... but their methodology.
And I'm sure you'll quickly figure it out."

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"For such higher beings they are deceptively simple... or lazy, depending on how much credit you are willing to give them.
Now I have no proof of this but to me it seems like each and every species has something... special to them."

"What do you mean?"

"Haven't you noticed?
Us Saiyans are naturally strong and grow stronger at an incredible rate, making us excellent warriors.
Namekians can subside mostly on water, they enjoy great longevity and over all consume very little from their environment, making them very passive, pacifist creatures.
The Frost Demons are nigh indestructible, making them, some would say rightfully believe they are the Kings of the Universe.
And the Tuffles are born much more intelligent than most.
Notice the pattern?"

"Every one is geared for a single purpose."

"While it may not be obvious at first glance, especially when one only considers his own race.
However it becomes quite clear when you look at the bigger picture. Even if in minor ways, it's clear that the Supreme Kais bestowed us with features which shape who we are in sometimes subtle ways...
We are shaped by them. Whether we like it or not, whether we acknowledge it or not."

"Your point?"

"My point is... that either they've become lazy when making you.
Or you came out of the oven a little raw. You lack anything which would make you truly exceptional.
I tried to figure out what's your gift. But I couldn't come up with anything. There's nothing you are much better at than anyone else.
Yet here you are. Transcending what most other mortals could even dream of..."

"Not all of us fit the mold.
You are also guilty of that. I don't think I've ever seen a Saiyan like you."

"Oh? You've seen many of us?
Strange. As far as I knew, you only had minor contact with a few of us. And only interacted with Cabba boy for an extended period of time..."

"Don't try to change the subject!
Not when you brought it up in the first place.
How is there a psychic Saiyan? The same way I am here..."

"Psychic?
Ohohohoho!"
She chuckles a little.
"My boy you are misguided.
I'm no psychic. Though I admit to being different from most Saiyans.
My tribe is a bit... odd by our standards. My ancestors were not great warriors. In fact, by current standards, I am a lower class.
But I don't conform to their standards. For I am a daughter of mystics and shamans.
Now... how about you? Are you from a special tribe as well? What makes you so special? Or more accurately, what makes your race so special?"

>Well... (write-in)
>I don't know
>Other?

>>3771783
>I don't know

We’re still trying to find that out ourselves.

Each of the Kais had a different opinion on why humanity was special.

Alternate-King Kai thought it was a powerful drive combined with lack of caution or hesitation. Fuwa also thought that humanity would pan out pretty awesomely in a few millennia, though he didn’t elaborate on it nor did we ask him.

>>3771791
Support.

We don't know and Kais themselves had difrent opinions.

>>3771783
>I don't know

>>3771791

Just some thinking out loud here.

It seems like humanity is pretty ass when left alone to its own devices, seeing as how we collectively managed to kill our selves pretty thoroughly over resources or ideology despite there being an abundance of both. Perhaps the overall lack of a goal to work toward made humanity lax and petty, and instead of living peacefully or improving shit this overwhelming drive got turned into a desire for self-glorification and/or the manufacturing of new problems for them to solve.

This seems to have calmed down considerably since being made aware of the afterlife though. But already things were going back to business as usual up until Frost arrived. But who knows? Maybe being exposed to the galaxy and knowing that the sky isn’t the limit, and that there’s a potentially infinite frontier will be just the thing that mankind needs to distinguish itself.

>>3771783
>Well... Kinda, the Vikings were known as great warriors in their heyday but certainly nowhere near I am now, honestly I think my strength is more nurture than nature especially since I was taught by divine beings. I guess the thing about humans is they can adapt to just about anything and find find unique ways to exploit any mechanic of the universe put in front of them. If you were to give someone like Chis-Chan even the basics of magic within a year you would be seeing some wild shit. I guess in simpler terms autism is quite literally mankind's super power. We went from the first plane to the moon in 66 years. I can't even begin to imagine the advances that will be made in the next 10 years once interstellar trade becomes more common.

>>3771783
>I don't know
>But if I had to venture... I'd say that we are the least simple of all the races I've seen. Whereas Saiyans, Namekians and the like seem to have
their very globalized, set in stone culture, us Earthlings are as varied as we can be. Which may seem like a disaventage, and life did give us some rough lessons, but I found myself coming back to those lessons more often than not. And more often than not, I came out of problems better because of it.

I'm gonna go off and have some dinner
Once I'm back I'll try to make up a composite choice based on write-ins

Wasn't there a scene where Champa looked at training results and they started similar conversation? Or atleast helpful look on how teach wievs humans.

>>3771783
>We're problem solvers. I think that Humans, assuming they aren't crushed immediately, will rise to the occasion and solve any problem thrown at them, given enough motivation of course. When something doesn't work, we try something else, we keep on trying until it does. Our weak state is probably due to the lack of ki, physics, magic, and other strong powers being used on Earth. I expect that humans will rise to meet the power gap introduced by our entry into the galaxy, simply because they can. Our strength is adaptability, plain and simple.
I'm bad at sounding in character, so anyone's welcome to rewrite.

>>3771855
Ye.
But the purpose is different.
Back then it was more of a self discovery thing. Now you're trying to sell your species to an alien queen. Kinda

Anyway, this may take a while.
I'll have to apply some elbow grease to these posts to work them together


>writing

"Weeell..."
You lean back and stare at the ceiling for a while, contemplating an answer.
Throughout your trials that question has been looming over your head. But even now the answer eludes you.
"Guess I got nothing to loose by saying this: I don't know for sure."

"Hmmm?"

"But don't take it the wrong way.
Not even the Kais seem to know. And the ones I talked with have vastly different opinions regarding the matter.
So I guess the descriptor that we are "Half baked" is apt... Not even we know why we're here. In fact we've been wondering where our place in the universe is ever since our inception."

"I see-"

"If I had to share my piece on it however... I'd say the answer is water."

She seems completely taken back by your answer. As if she just heard something so idiotic, something so fundamentally stupid from a child that it went full circle, from adorable to shocking.
"What?"

"You're correct, we got no special features, nothing remarkable about us. We are plain as water.
But place us in any container and we can fit in it..."

Suddenly she shifts around as if she achieved enlightenment.
"Aaaaah."

"We are kinda bad at everything, surviving, fighting and we got no centralized government or culture.
Our varied environments caused us to splinter and develop divergently. We are very varied.
Which may seem like a disadvantage but because our different viewpoints... sometimes one of us finds a solution the rest of us can't figure out. And once that happens the rest pick up on it and begin to rapidly develop afterwards.
So this is it... we are varied, adaptable. When one solution doesn't work we try something else until it does."

"Interesting. Jack of all trades, master of none?"

You nod.
"I think so.
In the last sixty years we developed more than in the last couple hundred.
That's because of what I said. When some development is made, it spreads out, everyone adapts it... then diverges from it in directions the originator didn't even think of."

She leans in closer to listen to you.
"And tell me. Would that apply if we took you into the fold, as it were?"

You nod.
"Let me answer your question... with another question.
If you were given a piece of technology to study it... what would you do?"

"Why study it, of course.
What else?"

"Well... a human would immediately ask for another.
If you asked why, they'd say for spare. Then they'd ask for another because in truth, they duck-taped the previous two together just to see what would happen. And since it didn't blow up they want to see how far they can push their luck."

"That... sounds incredibly self destructive!"

*snort*
"Well, we DID wipe ourselves out at one point!"

"And yet... you were brought back.
By Champa no less..."

"He just wanted our food... That's no exaggeration.
But even he started to question exactly what we are and what made us special. I gave him the same answer. Nothing.
We aren't special. However if a problem comes up, we rise to the occasion. Especially now that we calmed down after got put in our place."

"And then one of you got into space and started defying all expectations."

"I don't like to brag but if that's how you perceive it I'll take the compliment."
You shrug.
"So? Was my answer satisfactory?
Do you think we'll be beneficial to have around?"

"Were my intentions that transparent?"

"A little bit."

"Well... I did.
Now I'm a bit more concerned about what would happen should you be unleashed.
However, I must admit it's very pleasant to finally have a conversation with someone... stimulating.
But if it's alright with you, I'll cautiously advise my dear husband to keep you on a short leash for a while.
If what you're saying is true then giving you access to everything at once may be a bit hazardous."
She then lowers her eyes and looks up at you suggestively.
"Unless someone who already proved their capability took charge and focused the humans..."

>That's fine. I'm not interested
>We don't do that here. But I'm humbled
>Would you... vouch for me?
>Other?

>>3772002
>>That's fine. I'm not interested

>>3772002
>That's fine. I'm not interested

>>3772002
>Not too interested in that. While I will certainly try to keep an eye out for stupidity the best I can... I have obligations for Champa and no one wants him grumpy.
>What we need is for someone reliable to take up position of guardian sadly I have no idea who should take it as the other guy I knos with some good KI training is not suited to the role to say the least.

>>3772002
>That's fine. I'm not interested
Truthfully, we've already been warned about our spontaneity and not thinking about the grander repercussions of our actions. We're strong, we're smart, but we're a little lacking in the experience and wisdom department. Honestly, I reckon our best bet for a Singular World Leader would be to ask King Kai who the most promising candidate would be - he's been keeping a very close eye on shit, after all, and he seems pretty fuckin competent.

It's good to see when players are given something on a silver platter and they say: Naw

>writing

>>3772084
Eric’s got enough on his plate with training and catching up with his buddies. Adding on politicking and all that other stuff and that’s a recipe for a very jaded and exhausted ascended human.

>>3772084
We have things to do and a 1 man show isn't very American. A small senate of guardians would be more appropriate for our species, but if it devolves into petty disputes and power struggles we will be more than willing to lay down the law.

"Thanks but I'm not interested.
Not to mention how it'd be a downgrade from my current position... and Champa not being cranky is beneficial to more than just Earth I think."

"That is indeed correct.
Thankfully the destroyer has been quite content lately."

"But unfortunately this isn't the first time this got brought up.
Our spontaneous growth and all that. Unfortunately I don't know anyone who could take up the mantle."

"Hmmmm... do you think Earthlings would be opposed to a leader outside their species?"

"Definitely.
I think that'd result in a quick rebellion.
While we are okay with bureaucracy, we despise the idea of someone not like us bossing us around so directly...
Leaves a bad taste in our mouth and triggers a few bad memories."

"I see. That is most unfortunate.
I think you could benefit from something like a Namekian helping you."

"What we need is... a guardian I believe they are called?
I met Nameks and he seemed to be very useful."

"Wait... you DON'T have a Guardian?!"

"I-Is that so shocking?"

"Shocking?! That's unprecedented!"
She seems genuinely taken back by this. This is the first time her calm, royal demeanor has been broken quite spectacularly.

"W-Well it's not like I even got a suitable man for the job anyway.
The one guy I know that has any sort of knowledge about Ki and whatnot is NOT exactly someone you'd wanna trust with that."

Queen Pinto is quite unnerved by this, to the point that she still hasn't gotten back in character.
"Y-You might want to get on that!
That's seriously bad!"

"Why?
What's their work anyway?
All I know is that they are vaguely mystic and stuff..."

"They act as overseers for planets and keep a direct contact with a Kai.
That way the gods are constantly notified about development on a planet!"

"King Kai claimed to be omniscient!"

"Even a Kai can't pay attention to everything at once.
Without a guardian it's possible your Kai didn't have time to look at your planet since the inception of your species!
I once more implore you to get one as soon as you can! Even if it's a member of another species!"

>>3772152
>nominate a Guardian of the planet
I maintain my head canon that we used to have a Guardian, but he got mad at us and sudoku’d the whole shebang back during the Tower of Babel incident.

got links to the older threads?

>>3772205
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Human%20Quest%20Super

Her highness quickly finishes the remainder of her drink and then gasps with relief.
"Ah... better.
Honestly, that explains so much yet brings up so many more questions.
How your species could wipe itself out so easily, how aimless your development was.
What sort of cruel joke is this? Did they just leave you to your fate? To see what happens or...
No. It couldn't be."
Suddenly her eyes shoot up as she claps her mouth shut and looks at you.
"Tell me son of Earth... Has there been a mass extinction event on your planet before?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiBpg8lICls

"Hmmmm? Why, yes. Several."

"I mean natural ones!"

"Like I said. We only did one.
We had several. The greatest were the dinosaurs. Giant reptiles that were wiped out entirely due to a variety of factors."

"I don't believe it!
Is it a coincidence?"

"What are you rambling about?"

Her eyes are now practically shaking.
She swallows hard and nervously, her heart rate is increasing visibly as she starts to sweat.
"What if... you were not planned at all? What if these dinosaurs were meant to be the originals but failed...
And then the gods just forgot about your planet and one day... you showed up?!"

Reality then smacks you in the face like a brick.
If... If what she's saying is true... If it's even a LITTLE true then...
"The conception of humans is the equivalent of a broken condom?"
You shake your head. No. It can't be. Didn't the Kais mention something about that?
Or... Or were they cowering for themselves? Was there really a dinosaur guardian at one point but gave up? Did they even reach that point?!

Like a man who peered into something he shouldn't have you draw back hard.
And judging by the queens expression you must look like she did mere moments ago.
Looking down at the glass in your hand you down it and attempt to bury this train of thought DEEP.
No point dwelling on it now... nothing good can come of it.

Pinto seems to agree as she pours herself another glass.
"Well... I'd say that's enough excitement for one day...
My curiosity got the better of me... again.
Now... if your offer still stands I'd very much appreciate that meal you offered.
I think a little distraction would be good now. Wouldn't you agree?"

>Yes, yes that'd be a very good idea. Please assemble your family, I'll get everything ready!
>Not now. I... I need time to think. Thank you for having me
>Other?

>>3772237
>>Yes, yes that'd be a very good idea. Please assemble your family, I'll get everything ready!

>>3772237
>Yes, yes that'd be a very good idea. Please assemble your family, I'll get everything ready!

>>3772237
>Yes, yes that'd be a very good idea. Please assemble your family, I'll get everything ready!

>>3772237
>Yes, yes that'd be a very good idea. Please assemble your family, I'll get everything ready!

Time for Eric to get his chef on.

Time to visit Hells kitchen then
>writing

"Y-Yes! That's a brilliant idea!"
You spring up like your life depends on it and start making your way to the door.
"Please assemble your family, I'll get everything ready!"

"Okay. Where shall we wait?"

"Outside will be fine.
I'll get the staff to assemble a table and some chairs for you!"

With that you step outside and hurry downstairs so you can occupy yourself ASAP.
On your way to the kitchen you tell the gits working there to hurry and prepare something for the esteemed guests outside while you get to work.
Of course they tried to stop you, saying that they'll "handle it" but you don't care enough about them to listen.
Without a care in the world you barge into the kitchen where the cooks immediately start demanding who you are and why you're in there.
Shooting them one glare you get them to shut up and tell them that: "I am the Captain now!"

Surveying the kitchen itself you assess what ingredients you can work with and nod happily that they are well stocked.
Well... they used to be well stocked until you got in. Now all that's here is potential sacrifice for their hungry alien guests.
The only question is... what will you prepare?

>Some classic Saiyan appetite annihilators will do
>Show them some traditional earthly cuisine
>Try something new, something experimental
>Other?

>>3772350
>Show them some traditional earthly cuisine

>>3772350
>Show them some traditional earthly cuisine

>>3772350
>>Show them some traditional earthly cuisine

>>3772350
>Show them some traditional earthly cuisine

Well that's nice and one sided
>writing
This'll only take a minute.
Got some more options for ya

You think about it for a moment...
The Master? Nah. You want to impress them, not find the shortest way to their hearts.
Something experimental? Nope. Now's not an opportune time to play mad scientist with food.
That just leaves the plain old classics.

Sensible and varied dishes from mother Earth.
Yeeeah. That should do the trick!

Looking over the pantry you grab a few empty boxes and haul out as much of the essentials as you can. Oil, meats, veggies, seasoning, what have you.
The chef meanwhile protest loudly, asking you what the fuck are you doing.
"Have you lost your mind? This is enough to feed the entire hotel!"

"Exactly.
Now shut up and get out of my way.
I can't guarantee your safety once I get cooking."

*sigh*
"Okay. Where do you need us?"

"I just told you! Outside dumbass!"

"WHAT?!
Are you insane-"

While the little man screeches you formulate the recipes in your head.
Yeah, a full course menu. Hors d'Oeuvre, Soup, Fish Dish, Meat Dish, Main Course, Salad, Dessert and Drinks to compliment them... wonderful.
Now... the preparation-

>Nothing fancy. Regular Earth cooking... Taken to the Nth degree!
>Pour your heart and soul into it! Figuratively and quite literally
>Show them why you're the God of Cooking! All bullshit! NO BRAKES!
>Other?

>>3772405
>Show them why you're the God of Cooking! All bullshit! NO BRAKES!
THE SAIYANS WILL KNOW NO MERCY.

File: a74.jpg (80 KB, 858x694)

80 KB JPG

>>3772405
>>Show them why you're the God of Cooking! All bullshit! NO BRAKES!

>>3772405
>Show them why you're the God of Cooking! All bullshit! NO BRAKES!

>>3772405
>Show them why you're the God of Cooking! All bullshit! NO BRAKES!

>>3772405
>Pour your heart and soul into it! Figuratively and quite literally

Take this, Saiyans! The combined passion of thousands of years of humanity’s culinary spirit!

Oh fuck.
This might be... wacky.

Roll your dice then!
DC: 7 Crit: 17
Best of 4

Rolled 21 (1d21)

>>3772440

Rolled 2 (1d21)

>>3772440

File: Monkaw.jpg (15 KB, 383x383)

15 KB JPG

>>3772441
Guess we're doing this now
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dN7aTj3hm7I

>writing

>>3772441
“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.”

Rolled 14 (1d21)

>>3772440

Rolled 6 (1d21)

>>3772440

You grab hold of a knife as the ape next to you goes ballistic and give the instrument a few test swings.
The other chefs immediately take a step back as you begin slashing away the thing, then stare in awe as you twirl the thing between your fingers with the finesse of a god.
Eventually you stab the thing into the chopping board in front of you.
"I don't like the balance. This won't do."
Turning on the gas stove and fucking REACH into the flame, scoffing at it.
"And that's not enough...
Fine-"
Turning it off you take a step back and raise your fist.
"I'll do it myself!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33HjebNRNvU

Extending your fingers, you relinquish control over your ki and allow your aura to flare up naturally.
Then as a wave of force washes over the entire kitchen and shakes everything not nailed down, you concentrate the energy around your hand, forming a knifce sharp enough sever the bond between atoms.
Using this fine instrument you start preparing your ingredients with speed faster than the human eye could track.
All the remaining chefs can see is that everything above your waist became a blur and ingredients disappear then reappear at the table.

Filet the fish, peel the vegetables, tenderize the meat with focused punches delivered with pin point accuracy and most of all... use everything at your disposal! Waste! Nothing!
Everything edible, no matter how unappealing it may be gets utilized in such a fashion that it's not only unrecognizable but even appealing.
From the last scrap of meat to the peel of the potato, everything which has nutritional value gets mercilessly processed and incorporated into the dishes.

A vegetable soup containing plants from all four seasons, their flesh as ripe and delicious as if it was just plucked from the ground, revitalized by an influx of life energy from you.
The appetizer is an unnaturally rich, gelatinous mass which is just a medium to hold the various leftovers of the other ingredients, such as the heads, skin, guts and bones of the fish pulverized and turned into a fine paste. These alongside shredded vegetable bits float in the jelly which is held together by the collagen extracted from the skin of the pork which you processed.
The meat dish is the old, the classic steak with mashed potatoes and a delectable gravy. All prepared with the utmost care.
The fine cut of beef is cooked just right, using not the oven but the energy emanating from your palm to heat the pan.

The fish dish? How about a little touch of eastern exoticism with just a hint of a western twist? An assortment of sushi delicacies both from Asia and the West.
Rice purer than virgin snow, freshly prepared under a second while time itself was stopped.
The fish purged of every atom which would contaminate it and alter its taste.

For the main course something... hearty. Yes, that's perfect.
Pizza as a part of such a grandiose menu might be frowned upon by most people, but fuck 'em.
Your goal is to showcase as much of Earths cuisine as you can.
Freshly made dough, sauce and only the finest assortment of cheeses on top alongside the best possible combination of toppings, expertly chosen after careful sampling to find the most harmonious flavors.

How about the salad?
It has to be light, perhaps even a little sweet? Your meal is pretty lacking in that flavor so far.
Waldorf Salad it is! Such a perfect little combination of handmade mayonnaise, ripe grapes, fresh celery and crunchy walnuts.

And last but not least the dessert.
Well... if one of your greatest creations is good enough for Champa then it'll be good for them too!
The Eternally Jiggling Vanilla Pudding of the Gods! With your special caramel sauce!"

Wait... you forgot something!
Oh! Of course! The drink! Well... this is a pretty hearty meal and giving them alcohol might be a bad idea.
So how about something that's also handmade? Yes. A nice, fresh lemonade will do!
About ten gallons should be enough by your estimation.

Taking a step back to admire your creation, this MASSIVE amount of food... you sigh with relief.
"Perfect!"
Turning around you look at the other chefs and roar at them.
"What are you standing around for? Get the waiters or something! Or do you expect me to carry all this by myself?
Well I could... but that's not the point! We need to show off! US! Not just me!"

"T-That was ten minutes!
How the fuck did you-"

"I'm the god of cooking, that's how!
Now do I have to repeat myself? MOVE IT!"

"YES CHEF!"

Sadly the reaction for that will have to wait until next thread as I'm feeling rather tired.
I don't know when the next thread will be as I have to work on Sunday... but I'd like to try Tuesday?
I'll update you on Sunday once I know more

Take care fellas!

>>3772582
thanks for the run not-som

>>3772582
Ayyy - looking forward to it! I like the idea that humans might simply be an coincidental abomination that was never meant to exist, harnessing their total lack of purpose as raw, self-determined potential. Also, MAXIMUM COH-KING ALCHEMY A-GOGO BABY!!!

Man I NEED a Omake of us meeting Sanji and having a Cookoff

>>3773876
Wut

>>3773886
Sanji from One Piece
Aka this absolute madlad
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCN63FIRIQM

>>3774267
Spooky?
Is that you???

>>3774334
No but it's a running theme around here.
I believe someone thought I was him at one point, then there's my namesake which is an entirely different beast

A quick little update:
I got A bad news and some VERY good news!
To get it over with, here's the bad.

I'm gonna do another double night shift.
Meaning the next session is postponed to Wednesday. However that one is guaranteed as I'll be in the dayshift that day.
Following that I'll do another one on Saturday.
That's it for the immediate stuff.

After that I'll have exactly 1 double night shift but in turn... WE'LL GET BACK TO OUR REGULAR SCHEDULE!
YEAAAAAY!
That means I'll have plenty of dayshifts and days between nightshifts when I can write.
As for now I'll try to whip up something in my spare time to keep you entertained, even if only for a little bit

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>>3776532
>Hiz Skeduel?
>Dump eet. Doble Sheift.

>Yes, my Lord.

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>>3776846
>Not zis tiem... Bog.

>>3776846
When is Not-Som going to confirm the Bogdanoff brothers as incredibly high tier psychics?

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>>3777255
Now

>Zorry Mister Champa. Your zervises are no longer requoiered!

>>3777260
>The phonecall that destroyed 6 universes.
ZENO ANSWERS TO THE BOGS.
TAKE THE FUCKING BOGPILL ALREADY YOU PLEBS

Oh and... get this.
I can't confirm or deny if it was meant in the context I'm thinking of but one of my colleagues in his absolute boredom started going off on a tangent about "We're all unique individuals!"
I love this place

Anyway I'm mostly done with the crunch.
I'll get to writing that story I promised shortly

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>>3777277
>Champa hears about these powerful creatures called "Bogdanoffs" and finds their name vaguely familiar
>Visits Earth and a fight erupts between them
>Champa has the hardest fight of his life but by giving it 100% of his power he manages to kill one of the Bogs, but destroys the Earth in the process
>Bloodied and bruised, Grichka pulls out a phone from his torn suit
>A buzz echoes throughout the universe
>"Hiiiiii"
>"Mr Popo... Activate ze final phase of Crab-17"
>"Yes Master!"
>Super Shenron is summoned and he restores Earth one final time
>As the last of the Bogs breathes his last, Humanity is reborn, its true potential unleashed at last.
>They become the dominant lifeform in the multiverse
>Wojak is still cucked out of his wage

"Urgh... Where am I?"
Eric asked groggily as he was rudely awoken in a strange, alien place.

"Yeah... my head feels like I collided with a spaceship again."
Caulifla also got up alongside Kale.

"Wh-What happened?"

The girls looked around in confusion, trying to get a grip on the situation.
But only the human had enough spatial awareness to realize the obvious.
They've been kidnapped.

"LAAAADIES AAAAAND GENTLEMEN!
WELCOME! WELCOME TO QUANTUM KITCHEN!
I am your host Danny Paradox! Aaaand today we got you a doozie! We gathered up the best cooks that exists in every possible reality and those who don't and pitted them against each other!
All to answer one BURNING, ETERNAL question: WHO IS THE BESSSSST?!"

"What the fuck?"

The strange, fourth dimensional entity with the voice of an amplifier screeched further, explaining the rules of the competition.
Naturally some people tried to resist but they were quickly "calmed down" and put in place.
Apparently you're all stuck here for just an hour and once you're done you go back where you came from without remembering any of it. Weird but... okay.

"WEEEEE gathered up all the ingeredients you are familiar with, using cognitive data streamed directly from your brain to provide you with everything you could POSSIBLY need!
We've even provided you with a few beautiful assistants just so you aren't lonely! Aren't we nice?
NOOOOOOOW CONTESTANTS! Familiarize yourselves with your work stations!
The competition will soon commence! Better get ready!"

"Man... what a weirdo.
Hey Eric! Let's kick this guy so hard in the groin he'll think he got a pair of quantum nuts out of nowhere!"
Said Caulifla, smashing her fists together.

"Why bother?
An hour and we'll be out of here without any problems.
If they lied and they refuse to let us out then sure, kill them. But for now I don't see a point in fighting."

"Psht...
Party pooper."

"All I'm sayin' is that genocide shouldn't be the first answer to everything.
Now... since I'd rather not errr.... have you cut yourselves-"
Nice save.
"Who wants to be my taste tester instead."

"Me!"
"Me!"

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As you take not of your inventory and the utensils provided for you however... you become aware of something quite noisy next to you.

"NAAAAAMI-SWAAAAAN! ROOOOBIN-CHWAAAAAN!
I'm so happy I got to be here with you, just the three of us!
Don't worry, I'll handle everything! You just sit back and sample what I make!"

"Er... sure but... are you certain we'd make good judges?
I mean we're not food critics or anything."

"I don't care!
If it pleases you then it's good enough for me!
<3!"

You look at this embarassing display as the guy makes a complete fool out of himself.
While being affectionate is not an issue, being this... pervy certainly is. The dude is basically a lapdog begging for them to step on him just so he could lick the sole of their boots.
No dignity.

"Ugh, well they DID say they brought everyone.
I just didn't think they meant it literally."

The guy then stands up and turns to look at you, his demeanor doing a complete 180. Looks like he heard that.
"Hey you... What did you just say?"

Turning away just enough to break eye contact you get back to preparing your ingredients.
"Nothing, nothing."

"Good.
This may be a friendly competition but I won't be insulted by a gorilla in an apron."

"WHAT?!"

"You heard it meathead..."

"You-"
Sparks begin going off between the two of you as you exchange in a staring contest with the guy.
"That's rich coming from a guy who only ever encountered a spine at a butcher!"

"WHAT?!"

The two of you get THIS close to butting your heads together but luckily some people decide to step in.
"Hey Sanji! Get a grip!"

"Oy Eric! Didn't you JUST say to not go for the throat immediately?!"

"S-Sorry, this doesn't usually happen-"

"Nah, I get it.
Boys can get dumb as hell when it comes to measuring dicks."

The orange haired girl and Caulifla then drag the two of you away while you growl menacingly at each other.
While it may not have broken out into an all out brawl, this little exchange set the mood for the rest of the competition however...

>>3777548
I wonder how bad Sanji's aneurysm will be when he realizes Eric, Caulifla and Kale are all dating? And maybe tastes Eric's literally divine cooking, though that would probably be more of a foodgasm than anything.

Silently the two of you decided to settle things in the kitchen the second the bell rang.
Fueled by a mutual hate-boner for the other both of you began intensely cooking to the best of your abilities.
During the process your ki started flaring up as your control over it started slipping.
Meanwhile the dude was literally on fucking fire... and he was fine!

Within the first few minutes each of you produce one plate and slide it over to the girls for a taste test.
Though you both get favorable results, each of you is more concerned with the crowd of the other, their pleasant reactions spurning you onward.

"No! Not good enough!
Must... make... better food than the chode!"

"Let's see who's the shit cook now!"

One by one you hand over newer and better platters to your testers, their reactions getting more and more intense with each new dish.
This goes on until all four of the women have fallen unconscious, practically foaming at the mouth from a flavor overdose.
Panting and glaring daggers at the other you both present your final and greatest creation to the judges.

"HOW'S THAT?!"
"HOW'S THAT?!"
"WHAT?!"
"WHAT?!"
"STOP IT!"
"STOP IT!"

At this point you didn't even give a shit about the judges or winning, you just wanted to one-up the other.
While the judges were making their decision the two of you continued to both nurse the girls back to health and make vague threats at each other.
Finally things calmed down once the announcer stepped up once more....
In the end neither of you managed to win and no placements beyond the first one were made public.... so much for that.
Apparently some unremarkable cunt who allegedly cooked GOD managed to win.
Talk about a fucking letdown.

With the girls getting back to consciousness the two of you sit down next to the counters, panting from exhaustion. Looks like this little event drained you more than even you anticipated.
The blonde guy then looked at you, lit a smoke and spoke up.

"Okay... let's exchange plates.
We'll taste the others cooking and we'll decide who won.
Deal?"

"Deal...
But no bullshit!
If you deny the quality of my meal it'll cost you your integrity as a chef!"

"Of course!
Who do you think I am, moron?!"

"Grrrr."

Begrudgingly you swap plates and without making any rude gestures you take a bite of the food.
Neither of you are willing to insult the sanctity of food just because of a little grudge.
But almost immediately you enter into a state of shock similar to that of the girls.

"I... I can't fucking believe it!
A fucking chainsmoker! How is it so good-"
*GASP*
You didn't mean to say that out loud.
Shit.

At the exact same time the blonde guy also reeled back.
"So good... the flavor of the ingredients, the care with which they were prepared..."
*gulp*
"How did a brute like that create such a prime example of master level cooking?!"
The two of you exchange a nervous glance and then start laughing your asses off.

Yeah, I switched Eric from a "he" to a "you".
It's almost 5AM, blow me

"I guess appearances can be deceiving-"
The guy admits and extends a hand.
"I think we got off on the wrong foot. Sanji."

You give him a firm handshake and a smile.
"Eric."

"Heh... Sorry about that. You really reminded me of someone I hate."

"Same.
I just assumed you're a slimy womanizer-"

"Oh no-"
He blows a puff of smoke before offering you one. You politely refuse it.
"I may be a creeper but it stems from my adoration of ladies.
To me there are two things one must always respect: Women and food."
Shit... you can respect that.
"How about you? With skills like that I don't think you're just a common cook.
You're clearly a chef."

"Yea... Not my chosen profession but I turned out to be quite good at it.
My lessons as a martial artist bled into my cooking, so I ended up abhorring the idea of wasting any part of an ingredient."

"Heh... is that right?"

"Yeeeap."

But as you're talking the award ceremony behind you is slowly starting to wrap up by the sound of things.
Sanji taking this chance points at Caulifla and Kale.
"Well, looks like we'll be gone soon.
But before we do, tell me... Why did you use them as your tasters?
I consider myself somewhat of an expert yet not even I saw any difference between their reactions. Not the best aid if you ask me."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYDxNCvug4o

"Oh that?"
You shrug.
"I think I spent watching their every move that... now I can just tell when their mood shifts.
How their tail wags around, what sound they make... that sorta thing."

Hearing this the mans eye widens and grabs your shoulder.
"Hey... listen to me.
Whatever you do, make sure to cherish them! You hear?
If you hurt someone precious like that then you've failed as a man!"

"Heh... Idiot!
As if I need a third rate chef telling me that!"

Standing up he then gives you a hand and pulls you up on your feet.
And as you start disappearing he says this.
"Pray to whatever god you believe in. Because if I see your face again, I swear I'll rearrange it for you!"

"Bring it asshole!
I'll straighten your damn eyebrows if you try!"

"So long... asshole!"

Suddenly, your eyes snap open and you wake up in your own bed, stuck under a saiyan pile as two monkey girls are laying on top of you, their mumbling, muttering and gentle snoring almost enough to instantly lull you back to sleep.
"Man... what a weird dream..."

>>3777722
Them Saiyan girls gonna be hungry when they wake up.

>>3777789
If Eric can be forever thirsty then they can be patient while da boi whips them up something

>>3776532
The quest is interesting but the way sentences are arranged kind hurt me

ah fuck I'm reading the older threads. i still like it but god damn is it heavy on the anime tropes and shouting out special moves.

>>3778156
To be fair, a basement dweller turned chef/Psychic Battlemage would absolutely yell his special moves if he got the chance.

>>3778158
Basement? Didn't he share an apartment with like two other people? I am, SURPRISED his ass didn't annihilated sooner for not cooking more often for the god of destruction and just putzing around and wrecking his home. The shit. WOW. ok.

>>3778152
The way your sentence is arranged hurts me.

>>3778166
It's assumed that he cooks o off screen, but I would definitely love more cooking segments

>>3778182
Good. you too shall know my suffering.

>>3778156
>>3778152
Out of these two matters one genuinely baffles me but the other one I'd love to hear more about.
In the end this is still a Dragon Ball quest so yelling and calling out names isn't something out of the ordinary, if anything it's expected

However I'm interested in the arrangement of sentences.
Care to elaborate on what bothers you?

>>3778287
Your suffering is gay and unbased. My suffering is due to the fact that you have a tenuous grasp on the English language.

>>3778607
I do not see anything that bad I guess we have to see what they say.

>>3778607
you write this quest as if it were a VN. no descriptions of actions taken during speech, speech is the ultimate free action, separated from the action proper. that slows the pace of the general story

>>3778756
Wut?

>>3778845
>>3778756
I... I don't know what to make of it either.

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>>3778756

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>>3778756
You're dumb.

>>3778756
Well this is a quest so its kinda similar. Besides what you ask is basicly to ramp up complexity and word count for order of magnitude. Not somthing 4chan is suited to as it has pretty low size limit per post. Maybe if this was forum (like SB, SV or QQ) quest and Not-Som had a week to write and obses over the whole thing but... He dosent and lives require quick rapid fire writing.

>>3779367
Don't worry I speak retard. I think what he was trying to say is that verbal communication during fights ultimately cuts down on the narrative description of the blows being exchanged due to the character limit, thus leading to less detail.

>>3780367
Yeah, that kinda makes sense but...
What sheep said is correct
>>3780213
I don't have neither the time, nor the autism required to sit down and meticulously write an intricate and very detailed scene like Tolkien.
I'm just not talented enough for that. Not to mention how it would bog down an already "slower than I'd like" thread even more

>>3780367
Why do you speak retard?

>>3780513
It's a "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest " scenario I imagine, that's the most common at least.
When you have to spend time with idiots you slowly start assimilating their language and, if you're not careful, become one of them

Oh and one more thing, I still fully intend to run tomorrow.
Just a heads up

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>>3780576
WAIT SHIT WE SHOULD HAVE SEEN IF MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE WAS UP THERE

>>3780576
So it wouldn't be out of character for Eric to get a pimp outfit to wear while the tournament is going on, right?

>>3780579
The planet Earth can only handle so much power you fool! The mere flexing of his muscles would shatter it into so much space dust!

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>>3780579
Wrestling's fake

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>>3781431
Tell that to Chris Benoit

>>3781431
So are Chinese cartoons, it may suprise you to know that pro wrestling is not a sport, but in fact the last bastion of performance theater in the modern era.

The chefs quickly fall in line as their resistance falters. They don't dare to disobey the absolute monster they just witnessed moving in fast forward and whipping out a feast fit for a king.
But... it becomes readily apparent to them that there is not enough of them.
Mobilizing the entire catering crew of the hotel, you make them form a line of carts jam-packed with food.

Though there aren't many guests right now in the hotel that aren't extra-terrestrial and even fewer of them are in the hall when your conga line of culinary delights marches through but those that are start to wonder if there is an event happening and they weren't notified.
Those that are curious enough to follow the trail are certain to be horrified when they see where all those meals are headed...

Outside a neat little area was set up for the Sadalan royal family with a few tables set up and put together, as per your instructions, and the whole thing is neatly shaded by the nearby trees.
Almost immediately as the doors are swung open and the delectable aroma of the dishes escapes you notice the youngest member of the family, Caya drooling as she starts sniffing the air.
"MEAT!"

They all turn their head and slowly follow her example.
Involuntarily they start hungrily breathing through their nose to sate their building desire for food.
Without missing a beat, the second things get within an arms reach they abandon all pretense and revert to the savage monkey men they are.
Just like Caulifla and Kale, they too start rather ungracefully stuffing their cheeks so much that they begin to swell.

The waiters and chefs stare in abject horror as their esteemed guests nearly choke themselves to death over the excessive amount of food they are gorging themselves on.
All except King Sadala himself, who looks quite sad as he attempts to slowly eat properly with his utensils.
"Please dear... could we not embarrass ourselves in front of the Earthlings?"

The calm and otherwise very intimidating lady who's colder and much more thoughtful than her kin then grabs another slice of pizza with her bare hands and presses it into her already full maw.
"Quit being a stick in the mud or I won't leave a MORSEL FOR YOU!"

"Y-Yes dear..."
Man. You feel really bad for the poor guy.

Queen Pinto, as if she's reading your damn mind, looks up and gives you a squint.
"What'cha lookin' at pup?!
Never saw a Saiyan eat before? Come! Join us!"

>As you wish (Follow suit)
>I'd rather not (Refuse but stay to keep them entertained)
>Sorry but I need to coordinate things. Excuse me (leave)
>Other?

>>3781657
D-Do you mean to tell me Burgerlanders don't go to theaters or operas?!

>>3781673
>>Sorry but I need to coordinate things. Excuse me (leave)

We gotta get on that whole "not created by the gods and apparently need a guardian" thing.

Plus we gotta start saying no to this chick

>>3781673
>I'd rather not (Refuse but stay to keep them entertained)

Gotta make sure that nobody tries to get in the way of a Saiyan and their food.

>>3781687
Actually, I’ll support this: >>3781684

Still, best make sure that there’s a way for the staff to reach us on speed dial if anything goes awry.

>>3781684
Support
+speed dail

>>3781707
No wat I ment this.
>>3781687

>>3781684
supporting

>>3781684
This one clearly wins
Though I have to say, these were some pretty fucky "Support" calls

>writing

Also... I take it you guys wanna visit King Kai or someone who can give you advice about getting a Guardian, yes?

>>3781742
yeah, maybe we could learn if earth had a guardian before and why we don't have one now

>>3781742

Sure. Maybe Vados too, if she's not too busy.

Taking a step back, you politely raise your hand.
"No thanks, I'm not hungry at the moment.
But please do go on. I've made plenty more.
Just.... don't bite off anyones hands. Unless your healing pods can regrow them or something."

"My, you're very thoughtful young man! And your food is indeed divine."
The King appraises you.
"We shall enjoy this pleasant little meal!"

With that you take your leave but before actually taking off you turn to the head waiter who looks like he's having flashbacks of a war he's currently experiencing.
"Hey... If you need a hand or something just... shout King Kai, okay?"

"W-Wuh-"

"Trust me."

Turning away from him you focus intensely and with a swipe of your hand make a wormhole back to your planet.
Before making your way to Vados, you heat up some of the leftover lasagna you had as a means of appeasing Champa and fly over to his planet.
Finding the lazy cat man basking in the sun you give him the entire tray and tell him to dig in as you turn to Vados.
"Hey Vados... got a minute?"

"Sure, what's on your mind?"

"Can you take me to King Kai real quick?"

"Bothered by what the saiyan queen said?"

"Yes. And stop constantly watching over me.
I don't need a new FBI agent after I finally got rid of the old one."

"Don't be too alarmed by it. I do it to everyone."

"That doesn't make it okay Vados...
So, will you help?"

"Sure."
She then turns to her master and waves him off.
"We'll be right back Lord Champa. Try not to put on any more weight until then!"

"FUCK YOU!"

"Don't worry Champa! I'll be back with dessert!"

"My man!"

Vados then conjures her pillar of energy with which she wisks you away and transports you directly into the afterlife.
On the way there she gives you a playful little smile.
"Is that the diet ice cream you've been working on?"

You shrug.
"It's not diet, it's just without any extra sugar added or unnecessary calories."

"That's what diet means Eric."

"No, diet tastes like ass and gives you cancer in most cases.
Mine is an experience from flavor town that happens to be healthy!"

As you pop over to the still confusingly small planet, you hear the bugman screaming in surprise.
"CHRIST ALLMIGHTY!"
He then falls over and you have to go help him up.
"I swear to god, you learning of this place is the worst thing that ever happened to me because now you'll start popping up like it's the sacred planet of the kais! I swear the god this audacity of yours is astounding!"

"How did you even get surprised? I thought you're supposed to be omniscient."

"You try spying on Lord Champa and see how well that works out for you!
By the way, hello Lady Vados."

"Still as charming as always North Kai!"

"Whatever."
He turns back to you.
"So what the fuck do you want?"

>I need a Guardian asap. Got any leads?
>An explanation... Where do we come from?
>History lesson please. What happened to our guardian?
>Other?

>>3781791
>An explanation... Where do we come from?
>History lesson please. What happened to our guardian?
>Other?

Offer to make him some lunch or something if the explanation is going to take a while. If he's OK with us using his kitchen that is.

>>3781791
>I need a Guardian asap. Got any leads?

>>3781791
>History lesson please. What happened to our guardian?

>>3781791
>History lesson please. What happened to our guardian?
>I need a Guardian asap. Got any leads?

As long as we get this no need to find out if humans are result of metaphorical broken condom.

>>3781799
This support.

The where do we come from thing is basicly useless info that Eric probably wants to block out and forget. Better focus on what will help out earth and has no existiential dread if he goes lalala when anything close to orgin story comes.

Blissful ignorance it is

>writing
Just lemme make some coffee first

"Well first off, I'd like to know why we don't have a Guardian!
Apparently that's a big deal!"

King Kai then starts snickering to himself uncontrollably.
"And who told you that? There are plenty of races who don't have one.
Like the Tuffles or..."
You give him a disappointed stare.
"Okay, I'll get my book."

Walking inside the guy brings out a book so thick with dust that the layer of dirt is genuinely bigger than the hard cover of the book itself.
With a heavy blow he cleans it and cracks the thing open.
"Wait... so you had the answer all this time?"

"Yeah?"

"And you didn't bother to check?"

"Why should I?
It's not like I care..."

"Fair point.
So what does it say?"

"It says you never had one."

"Come again?"

"Like I said. Never had one. Must've slipped through the cracks somehow. I don't really care.
They don't do much though, mostly just keep us Kais up to date on important things so we don't have to split our attention a billion ways all the time."

"I thought you're omniscient..."

"I am, your point? I still can't watch everywhere AT ONCE!
I can just watch anywhere I want. Nobody has that kind of power. Not the angels, not Zeno, nobody. The only thing you could call truly omniscient is the Dragon of the Gods... and even he is conditionally so. You can ask him anything and he'll answer it correctly. But only if you ask it."

"Okay... so where does this leave us?"

"Whaddaya mean?"

"If we never got a Guardian then... how do we get one?"

King Kai appears to be greatly lost in thought as he starts humming to himself.
"Well... we'd need a proper seat of power for them but the douchebag that gets the honor can handle that themselves.
So really we just gotta get someone who has the potential of handling the power that comes with the position but also the restraint to never, EVER use it."

"Wait... the position comes with power?"

King Kai nods.
"I'll share a small portion of my divine essence and bestow God Ki on them.
That should allow the person to create some wild stuff on your planet, like the spirit chamber I set up in your condo, see everything happening on the planet at once and other nifty things like telepathy and a permanent connection to me."

"Can they... use their power to actually intervene in our matters?"

"Only if I personally order them to."

"But you don't give enough of a shit."

"Correct.
However if there is some MAJOR thing going on, I might."

"I see... so that's why the queen was so shaken."

"Well. I guess. Usually I only permit divine interference when it's a species of great value in question and something WAY BEYOND their control happens to them.
Outside forces and such... But the Guardian is more of an overseer than anything, not necessarily a fighter."

"Okay... I getcha."

"So here's what we can do.
It can either be someone from your race, which many planets opt for... or someone foreign."

"How does that work?"

"Simple."
He points at your chest.
"You, a representative of your planet, go to someone and say: Hey, be our God.
If they agree then it's okay."

"Hmmmm... do you have any recommendations?"

"Well... even if it's more of an honorary thing than anything else, a Guardian STILL has some impact on your species.
So I'd suggest picking someone with traits you'd find beneficial for your race.
Like someone strong or wise."

>Then I'll pick one from my race. That sounds the most obvious choice
>Can you name a race that's particularly strong?
>Wise? I like the sound of that... What race would you recommend?
>Other?

>Note: This is important. So make sure you either pick a race or a quality you think would be good

>>3781850
>Wise? I like the sound of that... What race would you recommend?
Humanity needs wisdom more than anything else. Strength will come in due time.

>>3781853
Also if you need any reccomendations for a “wise” race other than namekians, notsom, then my suggestion would be Yardrats. Ugly but talented and kind.

>>3781850
>Wise? I like the sound of that... What race would you recommend?
Oh, could we put Lyn as the Guardian? Half Tuffle, half Earthling, best of both worlds... Though I'm not sure if having a kid as Guardian would be wise but it worked for Goku so it might work for us.

>>3781850
>Do you know of any race that's inclined to practice tough love not the U9 version but the real deal. (Like grumpy tsundere dwarf or somthin) While I would not ususlly go for this I know my speacies we need someon who can deal with our shit.

>>3781863
What the heck this!

It not like I like you humans or anything b-baka. 4chan will eat this shit up.

>>3781850
>Wise? I like the sound of that... What race would you recommend?

>>3781863
>>3781869
What the fuck are you doing.

>>3781870
Dooming us all? But seriously kinda like the image cold had ass on the outside big softie on the inside thing. (Being a chick not needed)

>>3781850
>Wise? I like the sound of that... What race would yourecommend?
>I think a candidate with both would be ideal to be honest, power is most useful when it is directed and focused

>maybe sam?

Now hear me out here nega-som, this is my last shilling attempt for sam, so I'll just explain why I want it

Basically sam is the only other human being other than us with enough power to be considered, he's also more inclined to the mystical arts than any other known human and that seems like an important part of being a God, lastly despite being written as a stoner it's also a fact that sam has studied to be a lawyer, which is a job that instead of screaming OBJECTION every three seconds actually requires an incredible amount of patience, diligence, and the ability to discern the meanings of what those laws are

So basically I want sam because he has all the qualifications, and scince we know that he's a lazy stoner bastard and all other gods are the same he'll fit right into the role

>>3781893
>>3781850
Didn't link

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

Imma gonna do a quick little update to... further clarify things. Because these aren't... mutually exclusive.
Hold on

>writing

>>3781908
By the way, this is me now
Thanks
>>3781893

>>3781916
Oh no people from miror universes are replacing people! Quick out of the univere! If they can do it so can we!

You stand there, completely still with your hand on your head. You ponder on the possibilities with a distinct humm that begins irritating King Kai rather quickly.
"No need to blow a fuse Einstein..."

"Sorry, I'm just trying to think what would be good for us."

"Well do it elsewhere, 'cause you'll be doing THAT for a while!"

"No, I mean...
It's obvious we need someone not lacking in the wisdom department.
That's not one of our strong suits."

"Understatement of the century Mister Fission-bomb Ourselves Out Of Existence."

"Well.. do you have anything constructive to add to that? Or will you just keep insulting me?"

"Can't stop the latter, can start the first.
There are the Namekians of course, you met them already.
But I know two races off the top of my head that could also help."

"Who are they?"

"One's called the Yardrats. Odd fellows but pure hearted and genuinely caring.
Plus they are more of the thinking type than the Saiyans who just like punching things.
The others you might've heard of. The Metamorans."

"Doesn't ring a-"

"Fusion Dance."

"OOOOOOOOH!"

"Anything else?
Y'know, just so you become a bigger pain in my ass?"

"Well uh... how about power?"

"Just pick one from said races that's reasonably powerful.
If you're looking for naturally strong or... rowdy then that's pretty much incompatible with your first point."

"Shoot. Well, having someone wise is definitely preferable to someone who's just swole.
But I got something else."

"Of course you do."

"I think we'd need uh... a bit of tough love actually."
King Kai looks like he WANTS to ask questions about that but doesn't feel like justifying your dumbass point.
"Now hear me out! We... kinda dumb, kinda smart but stubborn as a mule. Also severely autistic.
We need someone capable of putting up with our shit but also ready to kick us in the ass if we misbehave. Like a... stern mommy figure or something.
Doesn't have to be a female. A cool but serious father figure would do the trick."

"Errrr..."
King Kai is tugging at the neck of his shirt nervously.

Meanwhile Vados gives you a dubious look.
"Eric, I know you like doing it but when blood leaves your head and goes "elsewhere" it can really hamper your critical thinking."

"I-I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT! AND YOU KNOW!"
She chuckles, further teasing you.
"AAAARGH!"

"A-Actually, I may have one of those as well."

"Huh?"
"Huh?"
Both of you look at him at the same time.

"They are a bit... eccentric. But can fit the bill.
Though it's not one I can recommend in good faith-"

File: Galaxy_Soldiers_Prison_Planet.png (1.15 MB, 1015x516)

1.15 MB PNG

Clearing his throat King Kai starts going on a tangent and comprehension slowly starts to dawn on Vados' face.
"They are primarily a race of... shall we say, artists? Yes, I think that's the best way to call them.
A very "free" people, or I suppose liberated is a much better word for it.
They derive great pleasure from making, admiring and owning art.
Amongst them you'll find painters, writers, sculptors, musicians and most notably, dancers."

"Sex workers?"

"That too sometimes.
Usually when they get bored with merely flaunting their skin."

"Interesting... And you're saying they are wise?
Most liberal arts students I know are obnoxious faggots."

"These guys aren't. Instead they are a completely different type of insufferable.
Due to their free spirited nature the vast majority of their race consists of nomads who travel much so they can experience many different things to expand their horizons.
They are also reasonably strong, which when combined with everything said up until now creates a tendency for them to become... pirates."

"Let me guess... why make art when you can just steal it?"

"Precisely. Sometime their greed can get the better of them.
But even so, their observant outlook on life means they are generally still quite smart. For better or worse...
They are the Herans."

"Wait... these are the guys the other Kais complain about!"

"Yeap.
Unfortunately their pirate activities often outshine their more positive aspects.
But if you want basically a not-retarded, diet Saiyan to give you the "tough love" you seem to crave so much then they are your best bet...
So? Any of this sound useful to you?"

>Namekian
>Yardrat
>Metamoran
>Heran
>I think I'll just stick with human after all...
>Other?

>>3781964
>Yardrat

>>3781964
>Heran

>>3781964
>>Heran

>>3781964
>Yardrat

>>3781964
>>Other?
What about someone who is human, wise and strong? Bruce Lee is no longer among the living, but if we could fix that he could be a great fit

>>3781964
>Other?
Do we have to decide right now?

Unless there's some sort of big celestial benefit to doing so, we should probably visit these people to see how they would handle putting up with Earthling shenanigans. Especially given how this Earth contains the generally shitty and temperamental (yet newly enlightened) human race that we're all familiar with. Not the generally more agreeable and naive humanity in the Dragonball universe.

Perhaps we can visit the Metamorans and Yadrats later on to see how they would handle humanity's temperament.

>>3781964
>Heran

>>3781976
I mean... you could.
But I thought you guys wanted to get this shit done asap

>>3781964
>I think I'll just stick with human after all...

>>3781964
>a human

>if not sam atleast Bruce Lee as god will complete the meme

>>3781964
>>Heran

>>3781975
>>3781983
Could we not? I just do not want a dead man as our guardian. I know death is a joke in DB but still.

>>3781998
I was thinking we should use to dragon balls to bring him back to life

>>3782011
Not the point. I guess I just do not fell Bruce Lee.

Well anyways, it seems the Herans won
I won't begin writing 'cuz it's about time for me to head home
See y'all in bout an hour

>>3781964
>Heran

Why heran? Those libtards are gay as fuck.

>>3782037
Cuz' It'll be funny. And because Zangya is hot.

>>3782037
I assume it can be explained with one word: Zangya

>>3782037
Tough love was my idea so its a no brainer.

>>3782044
Nobody even saw the movie she was in. We all know you guys only know her from porn.

>>3782053
Yes, but who cares? Remember Bowsette and the Super Crown shit? Do you think anyone played the Newer SMB Switch or whatever where it came from?

>>3782053
Does Plague count as porn?
Asking for a fren

>>3782062
I can assure you that nintencucks did and they'll defend it until they die

>>3782053
Now thats not true I saw it... Then forgot allmous everything about it to be hornest I dont remember her only one I remember anything about is Bojack.

>>3782066
Yes.

Aaaaaalright you degenerates! I'm back!
And I see not much has changed.
Guess that cements it, Herran guardian

>writing

>>3782122
Well I guess they will have a sky scraper or will she make art gallery to surpas all art galleries? Seeing their base of operations in the future will be interesting to say the least.

Ok, I'm late to one important vote and people start thinking with their dicks. We better pick a good guardian for earth and not a notpornstar meme because I personally want to stop the political bullshit and go back to training (and fucking this up will mean a lot more political bullshit in the future)

>>3782147
Damn not a she. I gues them asuming female with Zangya talk was contagious.

>>3782149
Eh my dick didnt factor in my tought process as I said I only remember one Heran and he is male.

>>3782149
>Tfw we could have had a based Yardrat who would have guided humanity into mastery of spacial techniques and ki sensing

>>3782157
Not like the Herans don't have neat abilities.
There was a duo of them that could send energy back and forth between themselves and create this razor sharp web of barely visible ki.
So they DO have things that others don't

>>3782167
While correct, offense is nowhere near as useful for a developing race as teleportation would be.
Can you imagine the explosive growth from instant transportation of people and goods?
Automobile industry BTFO

You think things through and that last option sounds intriguing.
"And you sure that they fit my criteria?"

"Absolutely...
Just remember that you asked for it."

"Well...
It does sound intriguing.
Not to diss on the others but... they sound a bit more like what we need.
Now to find a way to convince one to-"

"Oh... my god! Just go and offer the position to one already!
Tell them, they get a sweet crib, magical powers and an entire planet that worships the dirt they walk upon!
That's more than enough to convince any Heran to do anything!"

You look to your right and ask the one whose opinion you actually care about.
"What do you think?"

"I can't really give you my opinion on the matter."
She peers into her orb for a second.
"But I did locate the world of Hera should you wish to proceed.
It shouldn't take too long. Maybe ten minutes."

"Why the homeworld?
Didn't King Kai say they were nomadic?"

"Yes. But typically once they leave their homeworld the chance of a Herran turning to crime skyrockets.
I recommend getting one that's still "pure" on their homeworld.
And judging by their description, appealing to their vanity sounds like a solid plan.
What do you say Eric? Shall we?"

>Sure
>Nah. Now that we got it narrowed down it can wait
>Other?

>>3782182
>Sure
Lets find a guy.

>>3782182
>Sure

>>3782182
>Sure

I just hope we don't pick a Zamasu in the making.

>>3782182
>sure

DON'T THINK WITH YOUR SHITTY SECOND HEAD ANONS, PLANET EARTH NEEDS A STRICT DADDY TO SPANK THEM WHEN THEY'RE BAD, NOT JUST A VAGINA TO GET THEIR PP HARD

>>3782182
>>Sure

>>3782208

I wonder, would we want someone older and more experienced in some sort of stewardship duty? Or a younger, less experienced person who'd grow into the role?

>>3782218
>>3782208
Well whichever you want
>male or female
>experienced or young and fresh
Or anything else... you better start coming up with it
Cause we gonna travel boys!

>writing

>>3782218
Experienced, the only thing that will grow while babysitting planet earth is their hatred for humanity.

>>3782226
This is too complicated. Let’s just steal Hera’s guardian.

>>3782226
a really old guy in search of a new art project

>>3782226
>experienced
>Male

Let's be honest, if it's a girl no one will take her seriously and they'll just start making porn of her like kefla

We need someone who commands respect but that you also aren't afraid to go to when you want some hard candy

Earth needs a grandpa

>>3782226
>Male
>Young but incredibly disciplined

>>3782262
+1, let's go for that Alexander the Great combo

>>3782242
>Earth needs a grandpa
It would definitely be interesting to see how an elder of the Heran race conducts himself... Just remember, the whole 'tough love' thing is an occasional exception to the whole "don't actually bring your divine might to bear" thing.

>>3782226

I'll second this: >>3782242

Need someone experienced for this. Age can vary, but an inexperienced and driven dude might result in a Zamasu.

Giving her a nod you prepare to take off once more but before you do, you turn to King Kai and give him a little bow.
"Thank you North Kai!"
In response he just flips you off.

True to her words the journey takes exactly 15 minutes and not a second more. It makes you wonder if she's doing it deliberately or if she's just really good at maths...
But you land on a planet that's all too similar, yet remarkably fresh.
Orange vegetation is teeming on the cyan colored soil and greek architecture dots the landscape, built into the ever-present mountains.

Gravity seems to be similar to that of Earths so you have no problem breathing.
Taking a deep breath you feel a pleasant spice like scent.
"Is something in the air?"

"Yes. The vegetation of the planet is naturally exuding this aroma.
What you're feeling is the pollen which is commonly used in Heran cooking."

"And Champa doesn't like this planet? Or is he not aware of it?"

"The taste is a bit overwhelming for him and his nose is too sensitive.
But he likes Heran wine so he lets them live."

"I see."
Looking around you give the planet a good little scan.
The average powerlevel seems to be way higher than yours, though nowhere near that of the Saiyans.
If you had to guess they were somewhat between them and the Namekians.
"Interesting... I feel several congregations."

"At any given time there are several exhibits, concerts, performances and plays going on at the same time.
And if I'm not mistaken there are even several temples which are holding sermons 24/7."

"I didn't think they'd be the religious type."

"They aren't.
What they worship aren't gods... more like Muses of various kind.
They have Muses not only for different art form but styles as well. Painters for example have two separate ones, one for positive inspiration and one for negative."

"Doom and gloom?"

"Pretty much."

"Alright..."
You crack your neck a few times.
"Then let's get cracking!"

But where to look first?

>An art exhibit
>A temple
>A tavern obviously!
>Other?

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18 KB JPG

>>3782273
>>3782268
>>3782264
>>3782262
>>3782242
Awww... I was looking for a tsundere tomboy guardian with a mohawk

>>3782279
>tsundere
I mean, literal tough love is cool too, but maybe not go for an actual criminal. Though I haven't read the manga so I have no idea what their deal is. But if we start trying to enlist a waifu, we're going to be faceclaiming Zangya all fucking day.

>>3782287
I didn't mean a literal criminal, I just used the pic for reference.
Not like we even know what race she is anyway

>>3782276
>A temple

>>3782276
>>A temple

>>3782279
We can't always give into our dicks nega-som

Sometimes we gotta think about what others will need in the future

>an academy

I feel like a principal or a teacher who is used to dealing with troublesome little upstarts is ideal for this

GODDAMN WIPPERSNAPPERS, DON'T YOU USE THOSE NUCLEAR BOMBS OR IT'S STRAIGHT TO DETENTION WITH YOU YOUNG MAN

>>3782297
Aw shit, I forgot my new name.
Gotta get used to this

>>3782297
Ugh. Now I'm picturing a blue-skinned redhead version of Shiraki from Prison High School...

>>3782276

I'll support this: >>3782297

Academies include a lot of politics by nature, so they can at least appreciate or comprehend what's going on in the world they're going to govern. We also need to find one that's good at talking and also might have a working knowledge of Otherworld, and not have a bad case of head-in-ass syndrome.

>>3782297
I change to support this. And I want the Guardian to be a woman. Think about it, Heran's want worship, and it doesn't get much better than having all of the internet lusting over you. And they WILL respect her, since she'll be several times over more stronger than the entire population of any country.

File: Movie - 009 - Bojack unbo(...).png (973 KB, 1280x720)

973 KB PNG

You could have chosen a human Guardian but instead took the Heran path. BEHOLD, BEHOLD WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN.

>>3782297
Supporting this, try someone mature but not too old, someone that imposes at least a minimum of respect.

>>3782313
When's the last time you jerked off to a woman and were like "damn baby, looking all respectable and shit with them booty shorts and shit, like damn,your all imposing and authoritative and now my pp hard"

Anyway we already had the vote for the gender, but I just had to reply cause I could not comprehend what the fuck you were saying man.

>>3782324
Technically...we didn't.
I just told you to think it through
Anyway

It looks like you'll be getting an academic.
NOW you can vote for a gender:
>Male
>Female

>writing

>>3782331
>Male

>>3782331
>Female

>>3782331
Female

>>3782331
>Male

>>3782331

I say we let the dice decide.

>>3782331
Male

>>3782331
>>Female

>>3782331
>Female

File: Zangya06.jpg (61 KB, 480x734)

61 KB JPG

The obvious thing that comes to mind would be an academic.
Even the youngest of which should possess above average mental faculties and enough life experience to be considered knowledgeable... Normally anyway.
However, you're quite confident in your ability to detect bullshit due to your uncanny ability called The Common-sense.

"Okay... I think I figured out my approach.
Ready Vados?"

"Oh, I'm not going.
I believe I'd be more trouble than worth.
You don't need the population freaking out over me."

"Eh... I suppose you're right."

"Don't worry. I'll stay here.
I trust you can lock onto me."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't worry.
See you in a couple minutes!"

Sliding down the hill you use every mobility power in your disposal to traverse the landscape as fast as possible.
And with a few bursts of speed and time-skips, you arrive into a larger settlement. And boy does the greek vibe come across much more up close.
However the denizens are an entirely different story. Possessing teal colored skin and orange hair, most likely to blend into their environment, they appear much more "exotic" than the Saiyans. Their eyes are uniformly narrow, mysterious and inviting.

It's readily apparent that this race values beauty a great deal as you don't see a single individual you'd call ugly.
All their women are not only exotic but sensual, and they know how to move and act in a way to amplify that.
Their men follow a very similar trend, but fall in line with what humans consider to be the male ideal. Often tall and muscular but their faces bear few overly masculine feature. The most manly guy you can find still looks like a gay pirate or porn star and not a macho man.
And GOD their women! With no make-up what so ever, clothing which reveals much of their skin and eyes that are seemingly always undressing you-

NO!
You scream internally and start patting your cheeks.
Focus Eric, FOCUS! Think with your head, not your other head!

*ahem*
Anyway, their clothing however seems to break away from the greek motif their architecture follows.
They wear outfits that look like an odd combination of arabian mixed with some elements from pirate or gypsy costumes.
It strangely works somehow and with how light it seems to be it further enhances their appearance.
Damn...

It's like these guys weaponized their looks.
You'd not even be surprised if they breed like the Saiyans do but for the sake of beauty rather than strength.

>>3782331
>Tfw when you missed the vote and waifus won by one

Shit.

>>3782405
You got that weird "Connection error" thing as well?
I couldn't post for like... a minute or so

>>3782405
I am also peeved, just once I'd like for anons to not think with their dicks

But what's done is done, I just hope that this doesn't become a thing and we're always flustered around our new god or some because that kind of stuff always happens, I just wanted a grandpa

>>3782426
At least Sam will have a girlfriend now

>>3782426
Tfw past few threads had low votercount until now
Lurkers who only vote in moments like this are cancer

>>3782444
Same, I was so hoping for a not-roman tactics bro

>>3782444
Hey, schedule kept getting more fucked and harder to keep track of.
In my case, it doesn't help that I tried to put a filter on Som and I think for some reason it filters Not-Som threads and now I can't take it off.

>>3782426
We could pick someone strong that won't take shit from scum like machist and racist humans, fanatics, corrupt politicians, politicians, anyone on the internet, etc. Not a feminazi or a tyrant, but someone that will gladly teach you how to run a proper civilization and will gladly send you to a healing pod without your jaw if you go full asshole.

But as you, without any subtlety, check them out they inevitably do the same to you.
Unlike most these guys don't mistake you for a Saiyan. Instead they start becoming curious in a rather obvious manner.
They start literally cat calling you with their silky smooth voices, even the men...
In most cases they obviously want to either con you or they are just peddlers attempting to sell something to you.
If you weren't here on a business trip you'd almost be tempted to haggle for some produce but alas...

You try asking them for information but none of them are willing to help you for free... until you find a bellydancer.
She directs you to a nearby academy where one of the less favored artforms is being taught to the Heran youth: Philosophy.

It's an... interesting viewpoint.
To look at philosophy as an art form but it kinda works?
In any case you better not start acting like Diogenese.

Heading towards the place you walk past a few people wearing togas, which seem to be the only piece of greek clothing and their school uniform of all things.
There are a few lectures going on at the moment with auditoriums almost packed to the brim. Enough that you can pick and choose between them.
You give the ones that catch your attention a few minutes of your time but move on once they become way too... full of themselves for your taste.
Eventually however you find someone... interesting.

The first person on this planet you'd consider unattractive from an objective standpoint, due to his advanced age.
His skin shows obvious wrinkles, much like the elderly on your own planet and his bad posture really makes him a sad sight.
But if anything it adds to his value to you, specifically because he seems to be a wizened old man. Unlike the other professors of this institution he doesn't seem to be lecturing these students, instead he's calmly and openly sharing his ideas and encourages the others to form their opinions based on his own knowledge.

However his fascinating lecture on the importance of taking things slowly and enjoying things in moderation, because that's a subject which apparently needs a college course on this planet, ends and the crowd swiftly disperses.
Still hunched forward the old man moves over to his chair and sits down, clearly in pain due to his back as he sighs with relief.
Seeing this opportunity you walk down the stairs clapping slowly.

"Huh?"
He looks up and adjusts his glasses.
"Who might you be young man? Uh... please do come closer. My eyes aren't what they used to be.
Oh my goooood what's wrong with your faaaaace?"

>Introduce yourself and have a friendly chat. Take things slowly
>Be formal and business like. Get to the point quickly
>We need a god dawg! You in?
>Other?