>i sort of changed the write-in via QM privilege, enjoy (or not)

“... I don't think I could kill someone I didn't think was a bad person,” you admit, trying to imagine the possibility of bringing a sword down on the head of someone like Strawbrat. Sure, he’s a dumbass, and completely irresponsible, but... You grit your teeth against a strangled scream, throwing your hands up. “Fucking dammit, I just wanted to fight pirates, not politics! I started as a photographer! How am I in THIS sort of situation?!”

Klaus responds with a tired smirk, because he is, at heart, kind of a dick. “Welcome to the Marines. There’s a reason I quit as soon as I scraped the cash together.” He leans forwards in the seat, almost reluctantly. “If you want to do your job, eventually, you’re going to have to arrest - or kill - someone you feel doesn’t deserve it. You’re lucky you’re under Smo-kun, who’s more understanding than most, but even he’s not gonna be thrilled. Two options - one, you get good enough you don’t HAVE to kill anyone, and can take aaaanyone you face in alive. Two - you go back to non-combat. Or leave entirely, I guess. But you’re not gonna be able to put off dealing with this forever.”

>... Do you think I should talk to Smoboss about it?
>Um. On a kind of related note... I may sort of want to give Lolonoa a chance to get Wado back. On a scale of ‘bad’ to ‘insanely terrible’, how not-good would that be?
>What’s even the point of killing or arresting people who’ve barely done anything wrong? Is the law really that out of touch with... everything?
>Other?

>>3594027
>What’s even the point of killing or arresting people who’ve barely done anything wrong? Is the law really that out of touch with... everything?

Great to be here!

>>3594027
>>What’s even the point of killing or arresting people who’ve barely done anything wrong? Is the law really that out of touch with... everything?
>>... Do you think I should talk to Smoboss about it?

>>3594027
>>What’s even the point of killing or arresting people who’ve barely done anything wrong? Is the law really that out of touch with... everything?

>Is justice wrong?

>>3594027
>What’s even the point of killing or arresting people who’ve barely done anything wrong? Is the law really that out of touch with... everything?
Ah, heres the kicker young Flashman, Law and Justice are two separate things.

>>3594036
>Great to be here!
Welcome to my LAIR.

>>3594060
Become ~an leverutionaly~!

>but muh juhst-iss

“What’s even the point of killing or arresting people who’ve barely done anything wrong? Is the law really that out of touch with... everything?”

“Yeah,” Klaus says. “Yeah, it is. Trust me, you don’t know half the shit- hell, I told you what happened with me, right? If I hadn’t been an ex-officer, they’d probably have had me killed, too. The Government, the Marines, the prisons, the nobles - it’s all shit, Harry. Rotten to the core. And for every person like you, there’s ten more who are scum, and twenty who just shut up and and nod for a paycheck.”

Wow.

Uh.

You weren’t... really expecting that blunt of an answer.

“As for ‘the point’,” he continues, “partly it’s to discourage others from doing the same thing. Partly it’s because of much hassle to look into every pirate and actually give them a fair trial. And partly because of a host of minor reasons, like sadism, or wanting the money from selling some prisoners at Sabaody, or just being a nutjob like Akainu. Justice doesn’t come anywhere into it.”

>You’re really taking the shine off being a Marine, but I guess that’s what you wanted.
>I think... I need to think about all this stuff.
>Tashigi’s kind of... black and white about this.
>Other?

>>3594086
>>Tashigi’s kind of... black and white about this.

>>3594086
>>Tashigi’s kind of... black and white about this.
>>I think... I need to think about all this stuff.

>>3594086
>You’re really taking the shine off being a Marine, but I guess that’s what you wanted.

>>3594086
>>I think... I need to think about all this stuff.

>>3594086
>Tashigi’s kind of... black and white about this.
>Other? "Klaus, do you think all of this is worth it? Are we the good guys?"

>>3594130
>”Are we the good guys?”
>notice that your new uniform has skulls on it

>life is complicated

“Tashigi’s kind of... black and white about this.”

“Yeeeeah,” Klaus drawls, looking mildly uncomfortable. “She’s been assigned to Loguetown, working under Smo-kun, so she hasn’t ever really experienced anything that would make her question things, I’m betting. Unless she goes into denial about it, reality’s probably gonna hit her in the face eventually.”

You scowl. “That’s - not really good.”

“Yeah, everything sucks, boo hoo. Look, there’s no easy, happy way out of this shit - it’s all ingrained at the highest levels. It can’t be changed without burning the entire system down, at least not quickly. Probably not in your lifetime, definitely not in mine.”

“So what you’re saying is... I’m pretty much doomed.”

Klaus shrugs. “Like I said, unless you go non-combat or quit? Or get assigned somewhere nice and safe, where you don’t ge the luxury of finding out a pirate’s history? Yep.”

>Well - thanks for being honest. I think? I mean, I hate it, but thanks.
>In the interests of giving my brain a little cool-off time, can we move onto the problem of if I’m a giant asshole?
>So this is what the Revolutionaries are really pissed off about.
>Other?

>>3594158
>Well - thanks for being honest. I think? I mean, I hate it, but thanks.
>In the interests of giving my brain a little cool-off time, can we move onto the problem of if I’m a giant asshole?

Forgot to say, my new Quest is up at
>>3594107
So please excuse changing name. My tripcode is still the same, so go by that if unsure.

Heading back now, update laterish.

>>3594158
>>Well - thanks for being honest. I think? I mean, I hate it, but thanks.
>>In the interests of giving my brain a little cool-off time, can we move onto the problem of if I’m a giant asshole?

>>3594158
>>Well - thanks for being honest. I think? I mean, I hate it, but thanks.
>>In the interests of giving my brain a little cool-off time, can we move onto the problem of if I’m a giant asshole?

>>3594158
>So this is what the Revolutionaries are really pissed off about.

>>3594162
Are you going to run both at the same time?

>>3594158
>>Well - thanks for being honest. I think? I mean, I hate it, but thanks.
>>In the interests of giving my brain a little cool-off time, can we move onto the problem of if I’m a giant asshole?

>>3594158
>>So this is what the Revolutionaries are really pissed off about.
>In the interests of giving my brain a little cool-off time, can we move onto the problem of if I’m a giant asshole?

>>3594162
Running both quests simultaneously?

>>3594195
>>3594198
I figure the other one will be a lot slower, so hopefully.

>>3594225
Just wait opb hits the quest with some crits, the speed will pick up

>>3594252
According this guest's crits and Silvers Harry's mediocrity, the next quest should critfail everything.

Also I just checked and there's a lot of votes over there, crap.

>>3594252
It's a new quest on this board that is also being run by a qm.

I'm not that surprised

>>3594158
Yay, you got the reference!
>Well - thanks for being honest. I think? I mean, I hate it, but thanks.

>>3594158
>Well - thanks for being honest. I think? I mean, I hate it, but thanks.
>In the interests of giving my brain a little cool-off time, can we move onto the problem of if I’m a giant asshole?

On the note of putting it off forever. I mean, two of the admirals basically managed what with "lazy justice" and straight-up "unclear justice". And for the last guy it wasn't so much a question so much as something he mercilessly destroyed for even suggesting pirates are not for murdering.

>>3594158
>Well - thanks for being honest. I think? I mean, I hate it, but thanks.

>harry flashmaaaaaan, is a trashmaaaaaan

"Well - thanks for being honest. I think? I mean, I hate it, but thanks." You sigh, trying to figure out - no. Screw it. That's enough trying to figure out this crap for one day. How about NOT giving yourself a breakdown? "In the interests of giving my brain a little cool-off time, can we move onto the problem of if I’m a giant asshole?"

"Right. That's... somehow a tougher issue." Relaxing a little, Klaus lounges back once more, kicking one leg over the other knee and staring at you with condescending mock-sympathy. "Tell your wonderful teacher exactly what the issue is, small emo child."

>I dunno if you know or not, but I'm kind of... not entirely as dumb as I sometimes act. And maybe I ham it up to mess with people in really dickish ways. Aaaand now I maybe feel bad about it.
>I screw with people. Sometimes lie to them, or keep things from them, because it's funny or make things easier for me. That's not really a 'good' thing, is it.
>If being honest gets me into trouble, but messing with other people makes things better for me... How do I weigh up the practical versus moral?
>Other?

>I screw with people...

>>3594324
>>I dunno if you know or not, but I'm kind of... not entirely as dumb as I sometimes act. And maybe I ham it up to mess with people in really dickish ways. Aaaand now I maybe feel bad about it.

Which is a nice way of saying

>>I screw with people. Sometimes lie to them, or keep things from them, because it's funny or make things easier for me. That's not really a 'good' thing, is it.

>>3594324
>I dunno if you know or not, but I'm kind of... not entirely as dumb as I sometimes act. And maybe I ham it up to mess with people in really dickish ways. Aaaand now I maybe feel bad about it.

>I dunno if you know or not, but I'm kind of... not entirely as dumb as I sometimes act. And maybe I ham it up to mess with people in really dickish ways. Aaaand now I maybe feel bad about it. The whole thing with Fop kinda made me rethink some shit, he will probably never trust me again and I did not even think of how it affected him, just that the whole situation would be funny even if it was at my expense

>>3594324
>>I dunno if you know or not, but I'm kind of... not entirely as dumb as I sometimes act. And maybe I ham it up to mess with people in really dickish ways. Aaaand now I maybe feel bad about it.
>>I screw with people. Sometimes lie to them, or keep things from them, because it's funny or make things easier for me. That's not really a 'good' thing, is it.

>>3594324
>I dunno if you know or not, but I'm kind of... not entirely as dumb as I sometimes act. And maybe I ham it up to mess with people in really dickish ways. Aaaand now I maybe feel bad about it. Sometimes.

>>3594324
>>I dunno if you know or not, but I'm kind of... not entirely as dumb as I sometimes act. And maybe I ham it up to mess with people in really dickish ways. Aaaand now I maybe feel bad about it.
>>I screw with people. Sometimes lie to them, or keep things from them, because it's funny or make things easier for me. That's not really a 'good' thing, is it.

Rolled 40 (1d100)

rolling for Fop's forgiveness

>>3594324
>I screw with people. Sometimes lie to them, or keep things from them, because it's funny or make things easier for me. That's not really a 'good' thing, is it.

>>3594324
>I dunno if you know or not, but I'm kind of... not entirely as dumb as I sometimes act. And maybe I ham it up to mess with people in really dickish ways. Aaaand now I maybe feel bad about it.

>>3594324
>>I dunno if you know or not, but I'm kind of... not entirely as dumb as I sometimes act. And maybe I ham it up to mess with people in really dickish ways. Aaaand now I maybe feel bad about it.
>>I screw with people. Sometimes lie to them, or keep things from them, because it's funny or make things easier for me. That's not really a 'good' thing, is it.

>i like that we all get along here

Deep breath, Flashy. And just... let it out. The truth. Rare as that is.

"I dunno if you know or not, but I'm kind of... not entirely as dumb as I sometimes act. And maybe I ham it up to mess with people in really dickish ways. Aaaand now I maybe feel bad about it.
"I screw with people. Sometimes lie to them, or keep things from them, because it's funny or make things easier for me. That's not really a 'good' thing, is it."

You keep your head down, eyes locked on your legs. Waiting. Horribly uncomfortable. This is just dandy. Yup.

You hear cloth rubbing as Klaus must shift slightly, before he sighs. "I mean... there are times it's pretty obvious you're just goofing off or screwing with us, prettyboy." Back from Harry... is that good? Or bad? "That's just... you. And it doesn't hurt anyone. As for when you actually - lie to people, or whatever. Forget how useful or funny it is to you. Are you actually hurting them at all?"

>... I told Fop about me being a guy. He didn't take it well.
>... I let Miss Thursday get away, and told everyone I didn't see her.
>... I was never kidnapped by the Xiaolong pirates. I just got drunk and had fun with them. Smoboss still thinks I was captured.
>Other?

>>3594474
>... I told Fop about me being a guy. He didn't take it well.
>... I let Miss Thursday get away, and told everyone I didn't see her.
>... I was never kidnapped by the Xiaolong pirates. I just got drunk and had fun with them. Smoboss still thinks I was captured.

Confess all your sins to father Klaus.

>>3594474
>>... I told Fop about me being a guy. He didn't take it well.
>>... I let Miss Thursday get away, and told everyone I didn't see her.
>>... I was never kidnapped by the Xiaolong pirates. I just got drunk and had fun with them. Smoboss still thinks I was captured.

We should tell him, but maybe we should make sure that nobody is listening. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

>... I told Fop about me being a guy. He didn't take it well.
>... I let Miss Thursday get away, and told everyone I didn't see her. She was the one who first taught me how to use the bladed fans before I ever knew about Baroque Works
>... I was never kidnapped by the Xiaolong pirates. I just got drunk and had fun with them. Smoboss still thinks I was captured.

>>3594474
>>... I let Miss Thursday get away, and told everyone I didn't see her.

>>3594474
>>... I told Fop about me being a guy. He didn't take it well.
>>... I let Miss Thursday get away, and told everyone I didn't see her.
>>... I was never kidnapped by the Xiaolong pirates. I just got drunk and had fun with them. Smoboss still thinks I was captured.
I'm also on board for checking for listeners.

>>3594474
>... I told Fop about me being a guy. He didn't take it well.
>... I let Miss Thursday get away, and told everyone I didn't see her.
>... I was never kidnapped by the Xiaolong pirates. I just got drunk and had fun with them. Smoboss still thinks I was captured.

>>3594474
>>3594508
Supporting the paranoia, don't want another Robin.

>>3594474
>... I told Fop about me being a guy. He didn't take it well.
>... I let Miss Thursday get away, and told everyone I didn't see her.
>... I was never kidnapped by the Xiaolong pirates. I just got drunk and had fun with them. Smoboss still thinks I was captured.

Hooooooly crap, you guys are really going all out on this confession thing, huh?

Anything else you guys wanna confess to him while you're spilling your guts like they've been sliced open?

>>3594474
>>3594508
Supporting

>giving Claus that much power
He's going to make Harry train until forever..
>>3594474
>>... I told Fop about me being a guy. He didn't take it well.

>>3594540
>We kinda want to give the Wado Ichimonji back to Zolo
>We really miss Noodle
>We get a weird feeling in our chest when we look at Sunglasses

>>3594508
>We should tell him, but maybe we should make sure that nobody is listening. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.
+1 paranoid

>>3594540
Maybe add explanation
Fop it his own fault for making assumption. And it was actually funny that he thought we were women.
We promised to let Miss Thursday go.
Xiaolong was us trying to do our job and failing.

>Anything else you guys wanna confess to him while you're spilling your guts like they've been sliced open?
What else could we drop on him?
>We tricked Hat and Sunglasses into joining marines by making them believe we were abused.
I think from everything we done this one is most fucked up.

>>3594567
We tricked Fop into throwing away his entire life for a dumb joke. I agree with the Hat and Sunglasses thing though.

>>3594561
>We get a weird feeling in our chest when we look at Sunglasses
[suspicious squinting]

OKAY, SO

>Tell Klaus about wanting Zolo to have Wado back YES/NO?
>Tell Klaus about tricking Hat and Sunglasses with casual lies about abuse YES/NO?

Oh, and roll me a best of 3, d100, for paranoid Haki activation.

Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>3594613
Yes to Hat and Sunglasses, Yes to Zolo

Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>3594613

Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>3594613
>>Tell Klaus about wanting Zolo to have Wado back YES/NO?
>>Tell Klaus about tricking Hat and Sunglasses with casual lies about abuse YES/NO?
Yes to both.

Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>3594613
>Yes
Because most anon actually want to give it back even if I don't
>Yes
They did most of the job themselves to be fair, as with most of our lies.

>>3594613
I'm dumb and forgot to vote

>Yes
>Yes

>>3594613
>Yes
>Yes

>>3594593
>We tricked Fop into throwing away his entire life for a dumb joke.

We did it because he was an asshole.
We let Fop think we are a women for a dumb joke

>>3594661
I'm not saying he wasn't an asshole, I just don't think the punishment fit the crime.

>>3594613
>Yes
>Yes

>just basically tell Klaus everything you've ever done wrong
>now you will get coal for Christmas, surprise, he's Santa Klaus
>you activated Haki, Abs is still in he galley and Hat and Sunglasses are doing something up on deck

You look up, fingers tightening on your bedsheets. Klaus is... staring at you, not unkindly, waiting. You didn't know he could do patience like that.

So you open your mouth and tell him... everything.

That you've told Fop about being a guy and he hasn't taken it well. That you let Miss Thursday get away, and said you never saw her. That the Xiaolong pirates... well.

And then about Wado. How you want to - how you want Zoro to have it back. That it's HIS, properly, not just some stolen pirate loot he picked up. And that you tricked Hat and Sunglasses into thinking that -

Yeah.

It all just... comes crashing out, tumbling like a verbal waterfall of 'oh-shit-did-I-really-say/do-that?', and you've never been more horribly aware of the shit you've pulled, the kind of stuff that would have you side-eyeing or recoiling from someone if they'd done it.

Apart from slightly widening eyes, Klaus doesn't react as everything comes out, before you come winding down to a stumbling, painful halt, suddenly aware of how tight you're gripping the cotton sheets and how loud your heart is pounding.

"Well," Klaus finally says. "Shit."

You stifle a bark of panicked laughter, fingers twitching.

"That's." He pauses, then runs a hand through his hair, blinking still-wide eyes. "I did NOT expect half of that. I wasn't even sure you were capable of lying to Smo-kun, but here we are."

You bite your lip. "This is all... bad. I know."

"Well, it's definitely not good, but..." Klaus hesitates, obviously thinking. "Doing a few bad things doesn't make you a bad person, prettyboy. Admittedly, these are kind of... quite a few bad things in a short space of time, and some of them are actually kind of serious. I didn't except yu to commit treason for a while longer, so congrats. But - the stuff with Prince Flouncy and your lackeys are just really bad jokes that became something worse. And as for Roronoa... That kind of ties in with our previous discussion. But you realize how bad it would be if you actually gave it back, right?"

>I - I mean, lying about the Xiaolongs and Miss Thursday... those aren't REAL treason, are they? Not serious stuff?
>I know. But I think I have to give it back anyway.
>I just... I can't tell Smoboss any of this. Or Tashigi, or... Or anyone. But I had to tell someone. Should I not have told you?
>Other?

>>3594731
>I know. But I think I have to give it back anyway.
>I just... I can't tell Smoboss any of this. Or Tashigi, or... Or anyone. But I had to tell someone. Should I not have told you?

>>3594731
>I just... I can't tell Smoboss any of this. Or Tashigi, or... Or anyone. But I had to tell someone. Should I not have told you?

Man, Marines need therapists.

>>3594731
>i'm not going to give it to him... he has to take it.

>>3594731
>>Yup. I probably should have kept my mouth shut, huh?

>>3594754
support

>>3594731
>>I just... I can't tell Smoboss any of this. Or Tashigi, or... Or anyone. But I had to tell someone. Should I not have told you?

>>3594752
That's what Absolute Justice is for anon, good ol' therapeutic violence

>>3594731
>>i'm not going to give it to him... he has to take it.
>I just... I can't tell Smoboss any of this. Or Tashigi, or... Or anyone. But I had to tell someone. Should I not have told you?

>>3594774
>>3594760
changing to this

>>3594774
+1

>other quest is running faster than i thought, will slow it down once character creation is finished anyway

You have to correct the Zor- Zolo thing. "I'm not going to give it to him... he has to take it. And I just... I can't tell Smoboss any of this. Or Tashigi, or... Or anyone. But I had to tell someone. Should I not have told you?"

Klaus sighs, but your Haki tells you he feels a little relieved about Wado. Overall though, he feels... worried. Surprised. Like he's thinking hard. Tired. And - kind of sorry for you? "You... I'm glad you told me. I know it can't have been easy, so... thank you for the trust." He pauses, shifting a little awkwardly. "I - I don't think this makes you a bad person, kid. Believe me, I've known bad people, and... as long as you're honestly regretful, and trying to fix things, then..." He trails off. "... screw it. Want a hug?"

>...... Yes.
>...... I'm okay, thanks.
>...... (just throw yourself at him and hug)
>Other?

>>3594908
>>...... (just throw yourself at him and hug)

>>3594908
>>...... (just throw yourself at him and hug)

>>3594908
>>...... (just throw yourself at him and hug)
Shit free hugs.

>>3594908
>>...... (just throw yourself at him and hug)

>>3594908
>>...... (just throw yourself at him and hug)

i'm surprised QM is still awake.

>>3594908
>...... (just throw yourself at him and hug)
Also whisper no homo so he doesn’t think your gay

>>3594908
>...... (just throw yourself at him and hug)

>>3594969
Anon, please. Flashman is firmly weaponsexual. If presented with a room full of naked women, Flashy would go "cool." and then start drooling over the nearest weapon-like object.

>>3594908
>...... (just throw yourself at him and hug)
Should we roll for dad? You know to make it super awkward?

>>3594994
....... hm.

>Roll for dad?
>NO, IT'S AWKWARD ENOUGH

>>3595006
>Roll

>>3595006
>>NO, IT'S AWKWARD ENOUGH

>>3595006
>Roll

>>3595006
>>Roll

>>3595006
>Roll

>>3594989
So does that mean he would try to circumcise himself with Cut-chan and consider that the equivalent of having sex with her?

>>3595006
>Roll

>>3595006
>>NO, IT'S AWKWARD ENOUGH
YAMEROOOO

>>3595036
nut in scabbards, store swords in said scabbards

>>3595006
>Roll

Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>3595036
>>3595056
....... :( y u say dis

Because this is a requested roll, I'm going to lower DC to 80 to slip up. Just my roll.

Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>3595074
DAMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT

Writing for just hug. BUT ONE DAY!

(... DC 90 for swordad slipping up.)

Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>3595074
>>3595078
For them to develop father son bond without words

>>3595088
Jobberfist's Aura is too strong.

Rolled 93 (1d100)

Never rolled before,

>>3595111
Oh yeah that roll was for flash man getting an erection during the hug

>giv hug

He shifts again, your Haki pinging you with awkwardness and uncertainty, but no actual reluctance.

So you give up on repressing your urge to curl up into a ball, and instead hurl yourself across, slamming into him like one of Garp's cannonballs, vaguely aware of the loud wheeze as you hit- uh, hug him, almost knocking the chair over before he regains balance.

Yeeeeep. This is a good hug, you decide, from your place wrapped around a now confused (and bemused, and amused, and other such words) ex-Marine.

Slowly, he brings his own arms around you in turn, a little more confident than last time, but still careful. "... So that's a yes."

"Nhgmfhth," you mumble into his shoulder. He tentatively pats your back, feeling even more amused. And weirdly smug/proud/pleased. Huh.

>(string this out as long as you reasonably can. try not to sniffle)
>...... This is totally manly, just so you know. I'm winning Masculinity Points with this. I'm growing a beard, right now.
>......... You're not gonna tell anyone about the things I've done, right?
>Other?

>>3595111
I like yo-

>>3595113
..... never mind. Keep it to the lewd mental fanfiction along with the rest of you degenerates lewding your family, please.

>>3595122
>>......... You're not gonna tell anyone about the things I've done, right?

>>3595122
>>......... You're not gonna tell anyone about the things I've done, right?

>>3595122
>>...... This is totally manly, just so you know. I'm winning Masculinity Points with this. I'm growing a beard, right now.

>>3595122
>......... You're not gonna tell anyone about the things I've done, right?

>>3595122
>...... This is totally manly, just so you know. I'm winning Masculinity Points with this. I'm growing a beard, right now.

>>3595122
>...... This is totally manly, just so you know. I'm winning Masculinity Points with this. I'm growing a beard, right now.

>this is definitely not a roll to call him dad

This is nice.

But - there's still something to worry about. After what feels like an eternity of totally manly hugging, you offer up, "You're not gonna tell anyone about the things I've done, right?"

You can practically hear the eye-roll. "Of course I'm not going to tell anyone, dumbass. Funny as it would be to tell Smo-kun you tricked your minions into thinking he was abusing you, I'm not totally without decency. Mostly." He pats your back again. "There, there, stupid emo child. There, there."

"... How do you make comfort so mocking?"

"Talent." He doesn't push you away, though, so you count it as a win. "You gonna be okay, kid? Anything else you wanna talk about?"

>(Anything to say?)
>No, I- I think I'm done for now.

Last updaaaaaaate for tonight, thanks for playing Angst Quest! Meanwhile in Klaus-land, he's pretty sure he's got one up on Smoboss right now.

>>3595256
>So I met this really nice girl...

>No, I- I think I'm done for now.

>>3595256
>>No, I- I think I'm done for now.

>>3595256
>>No, I- I think I'm done for now.

>>3595256
>>3595274
+1 Gotta fuck with him a little.

>>3595274
I like this, we need something to lossen the tension a bit.

>>3595274
This, lessen the tension.

>>3595274
I'll support this.

File: 79226E7F-244C-4373-B76A-A(...).gif (724 KB, 645x363)

724 KB GIF

>>3595256
Say this to him about your love for this woman
>My love for her is wider than the largest river of yogurt, to her my heart is an open wound waiting to be probed, My tears of love are like a sun which has known no eclipse. I will love her with the frenzy of a thousand chimps! My passion is strong, Stong! Just like my shlong, Her only option will be to play along! Keep your arms inside this train our destination is pleasure and pain. Her scent to me is like mustard gas I’ll carve her name upon my ass! her name makes my blood this the sight of her makes my heart jizz!”

>>3595836
Is... is this some sort of godless reference? I don't get it. I'm just quietly horrified.

>>3595836
What the actual fuck did I just read?

>>3595836

This is a reference, I'm sure. To what, I know not.

>>3595836
This is bad civilization.

File: 1544386194019.gif (299 KB, 300x247)

299 KB GIF

>>3595836

>>3595836
Voting for this

>>3595836
fuck it I'll vote for this

RL issues, no updates today, sorry.

>>3597232
It's all good, QM. You do you, booboo.

>>3597234
heeeey booboo! look at all of these pick-a-nick baskets!

>>3595836
Unsupport.

File: 01e.png (2.72 MB, 2280x1368)

2.72 MB PNG

>>3595836

>>3595836
Let's not, please.
Autism is funny in small dose but it's just annoying when overpushed.

Just realized.
Harry Flashman:
>Has sincere discussion with surrogate father figure about how messing with people is bad.
Also Harry Flashman:
>Immediately starts messing with surrogate father figure.

>>3599098
The Voices™ (aka us) are weird like that

>>3595836
... Seasus smite this filth.

>do you know how condoms work, little boy

The only thing left... is to fuck with Klaus. You try to keep your mouth from curving into a smile. "So I met this really nice girl... No, I- I think I'm done for now."

For a brief instant, you feel Klaus' loose hug tighten slightly as his arms twitch, his emotions flaring with PANIC before suspicion-realization-amusement grows in the space of a few seconds.

"I'd loooove to hear more about this girl," he coos, as the horrid truth dawns on you that Klaus can use Observation too, and is probably perfectly aware of when you're fucking with him. "But first, have you had the talk? See, when a man and a woman lo-"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--" you screech, hitting your cabin door at approximately four hundred miles an hour, "--OOOOOOOOOOOOO--" Ouch, falling, tumbling, wall, ceiling, floor, wall, ow. "... OOOOOOO."

Dazed, you stare up at the wooden ceiling, listening to Klaus' distant cackles and the slow crash as your cabin door falls off it's hinges.

"Yeeeah," Fireplace says, peering down at you, a mug held in his good arm. "That was weird."

>.... I need to make it perfectly clear that I know how sex works.
>.... I'm gonna be honest, that's pretty normal for us.
>Just so you know, Garp will probably be pissed off if you murder me.
>Other?

>>3599254
>.... I'm gonna be honest, that's pretty normal for us.

>>3599254
>.... I'm gonna be honest, that's pretty normal for us.

>>3599254
>.... I'm gonna be honest, that's pretty normal for us.

>>3599254
>"You are weird!"

>>3599254
>>.... I'm gonna be honest, that's pretty normal for us.

>

".... I'm gonna be honest," you say, still staring up at the ceiling, now with the addition of a pirate's head from one angle, "that's pretty normal for us."

Fireplace shrugs, looking fairly blasé about the whole thing. "I always knew Marines were crazy."

"Klaus isn't a Marine, he's retired," you correct, holding up a finger. "Now he's... a squatting, stowaway, sadist swordhobo."

"That's... actually weirder," Fireplace mumbles, giving you a look that many people have before; slightly disturbed, with a hint bewilderment.

You scowl and push yourself up, Klaus' sniggering finally trailing off. You're gonna make HIM repair the door. Actually - you're not sure you trust him with a hammer and nails... "Yeah, you're right. He's weird. And awful. And gives terrible hugs."

"I didn't ask. Look, I just wanted to know where my quarters were." Fireplace sighs, and you realize how tired he looks. There are healing bruises and scrapes over him, you can tell from this distance, and the loose shirt he's wearing probably covers more. You can't imagine him wearing it otherwise, from his bounty posters.

>(Point out one of the cabins. There should be a couple free, tiny as they are...)
>(Try to make peace, in hopes of not dying a fiery death over the next couple of days.)
>Other?

>>3599277
>(Point out one of the cabins. There should be a couple free, tiny as they are...)

>>3599277
>>(Try to make peace, in hopes of not dying a fiery death over the next couple of days.)

>>3599277
>(Point out one of the cabins. There should be a couple free, tiny as they are...)

>>3599277
>>(Try to make peace, in hopes of not dying a fiery death over the next couple of days.)

>>3599277
>>(Try to make peace, in hopes of not dying a fiery death over the next couple of days.)
We want to be less of an asshole, right?

>>3599277
>(Try to make peace, in hopes of not dying a fiery death over the next couple of days.)

>>3599277
>>(Point out one of the cabins. There should be a couple free, tiny as they are...)

>>3599277
>(Point out one of the cabins. There should be a couple free, tiny as they are...)

>>3599277
>(Point out one of the cabins. There should be a couple free, tiny as they are...)

>>3599277
>try to make peace

You want to see a photo of your brother and his dumbass friends?

>>3599277
>>3599315
Supporting

>>3599315
Supporting

>>3599315
Yeah sure, I'm down to share photos.

>>3599315
Why not, support.

>>3599315
Support.
I mean, it's not like you can burn lightning, but still.

>>3599315
Support.

>mfw my phone breaks for nearly two hours
Gosh, that was a fun series of heart attacks.

Writing for photos, if I don’t post assume my phone finally died.

>>3599404
I bet you have an iphone.
If you do, go check out louis rossman's youtube channel to find out why you're the biggest dumb of all.

If not, then you're truly just unfortunate.
But, we already knew that.

>do you recognize the moron in this photo???

“So, hey,” you decide, levering yourself off the floor. You are a mature professional, and as such, you can make peace with this highly official pirate (and have him not murder you horribly). Right? “Wanna see a photo of your brother and his dumbass friends?”

Fireplace Abs pauses with his mug (coffee, by the the smell) halfway to his mouth. “You-? Why do you have a picture like that?”

“HE’S A STALKER,” Klaus helpfully yells from your cabin.

“I’m a ~professional~ stalker,” you correct, defending your job as you hold your camera out, flicking through the image gallery. You should probably clear some of these out now they’ve been officially copied over. “By which I mean I do the whole bounty photography thing, so I get paid for it.”

Fireplace looks with evident interest as you show him images of his unfortunately-intellected brother, along with the other lunatics (and Doctor Cutie. He’s not a lunatic, he’s a cutie. Obviously.) and Merry (also not a lunatic, just... a ship. That’s normal.). “Huh. So first of all, this means I got captured by a photographer?”

DANGER. DANGER. DANGER.

“I’m also a badass,” you humbly explain.

“HE BEATS UP ROOFS,” Klaus assists.

“Oh, look, it’s the whole crew!” You quickly show Fireplace a group shot, wondering if it’s possible to discreetly electrocute someone from down a corridor. You’re willing to find out, for science. “How exciting! Let’s ignore Klaus!”

“Uh-huh.” Thankfully, his interest in his brother seems to have cooled down his general pissiness. And secondly, how did you convince them to let you take their pictures?”

>I infiltrated them as a fellow pirate. Mwa ha ha.
>....... Classified.
>I just offered to take their photos. They seemed happy about it!
>Other?

>>3599415
It’s a Samsung, but I know sweet F all about phones anyway.

>>3599437
>I infiltrated them as a fellow pirate. Mwa ha ha.

>I just offered to take their photos. They seemed happy about it!
>Honestly I kinda like your brothers crew, even if Nico scares me a little (shudder)

>>3599437
>I just offered to take their photo, they seemed happy about it...also they kidnapped me while I was blackout drunk and in costume,that was like the 2n-4th time that happened?
Huh

>>3599437
>>I just offered to take their photos. They seemed happy about it!

>>3599455
Support
Him knowing we are an idiot will either completely redeem us in his eyes, or make him hate us with the fury of a thousand...

Fire fists?

>>3599437
>>3599455
I'll support this lol

>>3599455
Support

>>3599455
Voting to have flashman sensual rubbing his right nipple as he says this

Holding off on updates for a while, RL shit again.

>>3599495
Take your time, BP

>>3599455
supporting

>>3599437
>>I just offered to take their photos. They seemed happy about it!

>>3599495
It's okay my dudey. Take as much time as you need.

>>3599437
>>3599455
Support.

>>3599465
He already realized he was captured by a non-combatant. Now he'll realize he was captured by an idiot non-combatant. He had the opportunity to pass it off as just an act we do based on how badass we were when capturing him but not anymore. Nothing but SHAME for the fireman.

>no nipple-rubbing plz & thnx

You shrug, flicking through. “I just offered to take their photo, they seemed happy about it... also they kidnapped me while I was blackout drunk and disguised as a pirate, that was like the 2nd-4th time that happened? Kinda strange.”

Fireplace stops looking at the camera with interest, and instead turns a gaze on you that says I Am Judging You And Finding You Wanting. “You... dress up as a pirate a lot?”

“What?! No! I was disguised as a pirate because it was Mocktow- not important. I just mean I get kidnapped a lot! The Xiaolong pirates, Lolonoa Zolo—“ Is he aware that Lolonoa ticked off the Whitebeards? He wouldn’t be, right? Riiiiiiight? Subject change! “I totally rocked the pirate look, by the way.”

“I rocked the Marine uniform,” Fireplace says, saccharine sweet, “until you shoved a gun to my chest.”

>Ha, your disguise was terrible! I knew you right from the start!
>Look, can you really blame me for doing my job? If you’d caught an enemy breaking someone out on the Moby Whatsit, what would YOU have done?
>Yeah, it looked great, you should have been a Marine for our superior fashion sense. But you went for ‘stripper’ instead.
>Other?

I may have a job... maybe... not getting my hopes up.

>>3599602
>>Look, can you really blame me for doing my job? If you’d caught an enemy breaking someone out on the Moby Whatsit, what would YOU have done?
Got my fingers crossed for you QM~

>>3599602
>Look, can you really blame me for doing my job? If you’d caught an enemy breaking someone out on the Moby Whatsit, what would YOU have done?

Good on you spiboss, you can't be disappointed if you expect less than nothing to begin with.
It's really a positive outlook if you think about it. Literally anything good happening is "better than expected"!

>>3599602
Look, can you really blame me for doing my job? If you’d caught an enemy breaking someone out on the Moby Whatsit, what would YOU have done?

>I loved the moustache btw, I'm hoping to one day grow my own magnificent facial trophy

>>3599602
>Look, can you really blame me for doing my job? If you’d caught an enemy breaking someone out on the Moby Whatsit, what would YOU have done?

>>3599602
>Good times

>>3599602
>>Look, can you really blame me for doing my job? If you’d caught an enemy breaking someone out on the Moby Whatsit, what would YOU have done?

>>3599602
>Look, can you really blame me for doing my job? If you’d caught an enemy breaking someone out on the Moby Whatsit, what would YOU have done?

>>3599602
>>Look, can you really blame me for doing my job? If you’d caught an enemy breaking someone out on the Moby Whatsit, what would YOU have done?

>Yeah, it looked great, you should have been a Marine for our superior fashion sense. But you went for ‘stripper’ instead.

This dear god this

>>3599602
>Look, can you really blame me for doing my job? If you’d caught an enemy breaking someone out on the Moby Whatsit, what would YOU have done?
Sending positive energy your way QM

>>3599602
>>Yeah, it looked great, you should have been a Marine for our superior fashion sense. But you went for ‘stripper’ instead.

>>3599602
>>Look, can you really blame me for doing my job? If you’d caught an enemy breaking someone out on the Moby Whatsit, what would YOU have done?

>>3599602
>>Look, can you really blame me for doing my job? If you’d caught an enemy breaking someone out on the Moby Whatsit, what would YOU have done?

>>3599602
>>Yeah, it looked great, you should have been a Marine for our superior fashion sense. But you went for ‘stripper’ instead.

>>3599602
>>Yeah, it looked great, you should have been a Marine for our superior fashion sense. But you went for ‘stripper’ instead.

>>3599602
I can't believe BPQM's Den Den is fucking dead
Also
>Yeah, it looked great, you should have been a Marine for our superior fashion sense. But you went for ‘stripper’ instead.

>>3599602
>>Look, can you really blame me for doing my job? If you’d caught an enemy breaking someone out on the Moby Whatsit, what would YOU have done?

>>3599602
>Yeah, it looked great, you should have been a Marine for our superior fashion sense. But you went for ‘stripper’ instead.

>>3599602
>Look, can you really blame me for doing my job? If you’d caught an enemy breaking someone out on the Moby Whatsit, what would YOU have done?

Test 7

>>3602058
Fiiiiiiiiiiiiinally. Updates later, Seasus.

>>3602058
you pass

>>3602058
>>3602063
Oof. IP banned out and about again?

>>3602058
If you're banned on mobile just go airplane mode for 10 seconds then try again

Always works

>>3602077
I kept getting banned IPs. How many of them are there?!

>it truly was a magnificent moustache

Gaaaaaaaah, why is he so hung up on this?! All you did was prevent him breaking out a prisoner, arrest him, get him to betray his entire family and instead serve his enem- oh, right. Still. "Look, can you really blame me for doing my job? If you’d caught an enemy breaking someone out on the Moby Whatsit, what would YOU have done?"

That... shuts Abs up, mouth clacking shut in disgruntlement as he obviously tries to figure out a response. "That... I..." Yeah, he's got nothing. "Even if it's not logical, you can't expect me to be happy about it!"

"It's not like I'm asking for a thank-you letter, just a little... I dunno, perspective?" You point down the hall. "But if you want to work some aggression off, you can beat up Klaus."

"I'D KICK HIS ASS, PRETTYBOY."

Fireplace rolls his eyes, but at least he just looks annoyed rather than about to kill you. "I get your point. And it's not like I'm ever going to forgive you for ruining the best thing that ever happened to me, but I guess you maybe deserve a less painful death than the one I was planning for you."

".... How painful WERE you planning?"

"........ Very."

"............... You didn't have a plan, did you?"

His eyes narrow. "Just show me where I'm sleeping."

"OVERBOARD."

"Offer's still open to beat Klaus up," you hint.

>Just show him him to his quarters and then get the Skyraaaaaazor underway.
>Anything else to say?
>Other?

>>3602373
>Just show him him to his quarters and then get the Skyraaaaaazor underway.

>>3602373
>Just show him him to his quarters and then get the Skyraaaaaazor underway.
>Let him know to ask if he needs anything. Might as well try to be a good host.

>>3602373
>>Just show him him to his quarters and then get the Skyraaaaaazor underway.

>>3602373
>Just show him him to his quarters and then get the Skyraaaaaazor underway.
>Let him know to ask if he needs anything. Might as well try to be a good host.

>>3602373
>Just show him him to his quarters and then get the Skyraaaaaazor underway.

>>3602373
>Just show him him to his quarters and then get the Skyraaaaaazor underway.

I love Klaus.

>>3602373
>Just show him him to his quarters and then get the Skyraaaaaazor underway.
>Let him know to ask if he needs anything. Might as well try to be a good host.

>>3602373
>>Just show him him to his quarters and then get the Skyraaaaaazor underway.
>>Let him know to ask if he needs anything. Might as well try to be a good host.

Haha, we took him away from his family :)

>>3602436
Klaus is like a raccoon. He might look cute and loveable at first glance (he doesn't), but he loves trash and ambushes you in the dark to gnaw your eyeballs out of your face.

I've never seen a raccoon in real life, so I'm just going to assume that's accurate.

>>3602447
Brutal... :(
I'm gonna make Klaus adopt him, he's your brother now, too bad, so sad.

>>3602373
>>Just show him him to his quarters and then get the Skyraaaaaazor underway.
>>Let him know to ask if he needs anything. Might as well try to be a good host.

>>3602373
>>Just show him him to his quarters and then get the Skyraaaaaazor underway.

>>3602373
>>Just show him him to his quarters and then get the Skyraaaaaazor underway.
>>Let him know to ask if he needs anything. Might as well try to be a good host.

>>3602459
>I'm gonna make Klaus adopt him
Can't wait for epic showdown between Whitebeard and Klaus to decide who is Aces real dad.
>inb4 they gain mutual respect for each other and decide to baby Fireplace together

Having an early night, sorry. It's been a long day.

>>3602459
>Our brother
If that happens I will go take a walk to 7/11 and asphyxiate every stray cat I see on the way there.

>>3603118
Too late, Klaus has filed the papers and locked Fireplace up in a cupboard until the Stockholm Syndrome kicks in.

>you already have a brother with terrible tattoos, do you really need another

Fireplace looks worryingly like he's considering taking you up on that offer, so you use the power of Subject Change again.

"Okay! Sleeping! Right!" You motion him to follow you down the corridor, to where a couple of small cabins are built in. They're cramped, and have hammocks rather than beds, but Abs doesn't suggest that'll be an issue for his arm, so you decide it's fine. "Ta da! Lemme know if you need anything - reasonable, I mean, not 'a million beri and a pony' - and I'm sure we can handle it. Gonna be honest, I'll probably just make the minions fetch it."

Fireplace squints at you. "Minions?"

"Eh, Hat and Sunglasses - you'll see 'em around, they're infantry." You neglect to mention that one is a Logia. "I'm gonna go help get the ship ready for our little medical tourist jaunt... you good here?"

The dead-eyed stare says no, but his voice says, "... Fine," so you'll take that as a win.

"HEY, THERE'S A DRAFT IN YOUR CABIN, PRETTYBOY!"

You grit your teeth, and head up on deck, to try and do your job.

Everything. Will be. Fiiiiiiiiine.

>Roll 1d100, best of 3

Let's see if your luck's still shit...

Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>3604285

Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>3604285

Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>3604285
It's not shit i promise!

>>3604295
Reeeeeeally? :)

>>3604289
>>3604291
>>3604295
>>3604301
Mediocre rolls on sea I'm not surprised

>>3604301
:(
No...

Rolled 4, 98, 97, 22, 94, 89, 72, 87, 6, 26 = 595 (10d100)

Just going to check some rolls to see if the Dice Gods have abandoned you.

>>3604309
lol, went extremes and ended average

Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>3604309
Clearly it's because I've been absent.

>>3604328
Holy shit lol what a wasted roll

>>3604328
WTF?!

>>3604328
... well the universe is right once again

>>3604328
Fucking what

>>3604328
...................

Situation normal, move along, citizens. Nothing to see here.

Seriously, you're a mod, aren't you?! You've gotta be...

>>3604328
How do you keep doing that? It's ludicrous.

>>3604347
At this point I'm honestly starting to believe I'm actually the avatar of the god of luck or something.
Either that or I really have been signing devil contracts for luck in my sleep.

>>3604328
Have you tried gambling irl?

>>3604355
Real gambling? Nope.
Gambling for tickets/points/whatever at arcades and shit? Yeah.
I wasn't very good at it, surprisingly enough.

>>3604361
its all concentrated here, you only get super lucky for the purposes of making spider plans go to hell

>>3604364
I'd believe it.

>can't wait to try some dice rolls in demon quest and see what the standard luck is there. 52 + your seamanship bonus so meh

Getting the ship ready goes... okay. Not great, but not bad. The Skyrazor's ready to go within the hour, which is tolerable considering her size and how short-handed you are.

Now there's an extra person though, you feel better about sailing through the night; if Abs complains about taking a watch, he can suck it. You'll be fit enough for light training tomorrow, and you want to feel awake enough for it.

Checking the Pose you were supplied, you set course and sail away, to... a pirate. One you're not meant to arrest, kill, or even take photos of. Great.

You definitely won't be arrested for this one day. As a Logia, you're way too valuable. Right?

Screw it, that's a problem for future you.

Two days to get to the Surgeon of Death. Two days on a small ship with Klaus, Fireplace, and your two minions. Just think of it like a vacation, Flashy!

>Roll 2d100 (that's TWO dice), best of 3
First is for any random events tonight, second is not slipping up with your Logia that you barely have any control over

>>3604364
>>3604365
>8888(

Rolled 29, 26 = 55 (2d100)

>>3604376

Rolled 58, 61 = 119 (2d100)

im gonna steal some of OPB luck

Rolled 16, 23 = 39 (2d100)

>>3604376
inb4
2 nat 100

>>3604379
Apparently you didn't steal enough.

Rolled 1 (1d3)

No encounters tonight, but the Logia DC was 70...

>Roll 1d100, first 3, for severity of sparkiness

1 worst of
2 middle
3 best

Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>3604387
Oof.

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>3604387
>Worst of
oh boy

Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>3604387

Rolled 94 (1d100)

>>3604387
>worst of 3
Oof.

Rolled 10 (1d100)

ouch

>>3604390
I can't believe everyone is fucking dead.

>>3604390
oh no

File: 1449365387031.png (112 KB, 313x337)

112 KB PNG

>>3604390
Somebody kill me

>>3604390
And that's how the ship exploded, beginning the legend of Sparky Boom Boom Man.

Rolled 1 (1d3)

>>3604395
OH YES

Okay,
1 - goodbye skyrazor lol (potential deaths)
2 - accidentally out your sparkiness to abs like the shitty secret-keeper you are
3 - where da fuq

>>3604404
I CAN'T BELIEVE EVERYONE IS FUCKING DEAD.

>>3604404
3 logias in a boat and it jsut went down, we castaways now?

>>3604404
>1 - goodbye skyrazor lol (potential deaths)
The dice are not kind today.

>>3604404
Please tell me there is a crit holder here.

>>3604404
What have I done
I'm a monster

Rolled 3, 1 = 4 (2d3)

>>3604404
OH BOY

So that was a nice ship you had... And crew...

>>3604407
Pretty much, this is hilarious. Oooooh boy. Okay

>Roll 2d100 (TWO dice), best of 3

Rolled 3, 96 = 99 (2d100)

>>3604416
RNGesus, I pray to you in these dire times.
Provide us the rolls we need to not fucking die.

Rolled 90, 100 = 190 (2d100)

>>3604416
Continuing roll...

Rolled 97, 3 = 100 (2d100)

>>3604416
There's no way I can make this worse

Rolled 79, 95 = 174 (2d100)

>>3604416

File: 1472247405522.png (12 KB, 500x500)

12 KB PNG

>>3604416
>>3604417
>>3604419
What the actual shit is going on right now?

Rolled 88, 66 = 154 (2d100)

>>3604416

>>3604419
...

Rolled 60, 78 = 138 (2d100)

>>3604416

>>3604419
This is either very good, very bad, or very very silly.

>>3604419
did we figure out how to fly with our fruit and save everyone?

Rolled 23 (1d100)

Okay, so Sunglasses got 90, he's fine. Klaus got 100... I'll figure something out.

You and Abs are fine as well, however I forgot to roll for Hat, so...

File: 1550777249352.gif (1.8 MB, 298x240)

1.8 MB GIF

Holy fuck, I look away from the thread for a moment and everything went to shit at escape velocity.

>>3604436
I can't believe Hat died.

Except Klaus' 100 saves him, so oh well.

File: 1514537882331.gif (328 KB, 922x708)

328 KB GIF

>>3604447
Nice.