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You are some kind of weird, callipygian fujoshi girl sitting around in your room, doing nothing really in particular. Upon seeing you, one’s first words might be akin to something like “greasy” or “oh wow, smelly.” Chinese food and thrown clothing litters your apartment, as well as actual litter. Anime posters, some with ASTOUNDINGLY bad taste cover your walls. Your hair is really weird and fluffy. One might consider you a “yaoi connoisseur.”

You are a shut-in of the highest degree and have been stuck inside your apartment since probably highschool or something! Did you even graduate..? You rarely go outside, only heading out to pick up icecream and junk food from local convenience stores and eating total trash. Wow, you’re DEFINITELY not anywhere close to as cool as probably other people around. Putting that aside, what’s your name?

>>3398441
Samurai Summers

>>3398441
Fat Fuck

>castrovenia

>>3398441
best girl.

>>3398476
Support

>>3398441
Oppai better then loli

>>3398469
+

>>3398438
>discord
Dropped and downvoted.

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>Samurai Summers

Already taken by some dork stuck with a delivery job! Choose another!

>castrovenia

A BAD version of a way COOLER and MYSTERIOUS and OCCULTIC witch!

>Oppai better then loli

Weird!

>best girl.

Blatantly wrong!

>Dropped and downvoted.

NO BULLYING!

>Fat Fuck

That’s right, your name was Fat Fuck! Fitting, considering your weight, and even if your chest is a little bigger no one even really cares about that all anyways, right? As you venture about your apartment, feeling around for some food to stuff into your face or more yaoi to stare at LUSTFULLY, you suddenly encounter a massive weird guy with giant hands! He introduces himself and says he came out of your head last night. What do you name this thing?

>>3398542
Stupid Dumbass

>>3398542
man hands

>>3398542
Crimson Chin

>>3398542
Trash Taste

>>3398542
OHMYGODHOWISHEALIVEHEHASNOARMS

>>3398542
Crimson chin

>>3398542
Chin Son

>>3398542
Crimson chin

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[blue>Crimson Chin

For some reason, you decide to name this big weird bastard Crimson Chin! His chin is incredibly impressive, after all, and extremely sharp. It's still a total mystery how this big, weird freak managed to crawl his way out of your forehead, but you decide not to question it, instead embracing your relationship with this weird brain child! As you give him a thumbs-up, you hear loud screaming and yelling at the other end of your shut-in apartment door, accompanied by gross beeping that sounds like an angry toddler. What do you do?

>>3398632
Tell him to order OP to fix mistake

>>3398632
Watch Yoai with your son and ignore screaming

>>3398643, but also gorge on ice cream and bad Chinese food.

>>3398643
+Ignore
Offer Chin Chin some leftover pizza from the day before

>>3398632
>>3398648
This. We need to keep consuming more, or else our title as fatfuck can be revoked.

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>Tell him to order OP to fix mistake

I actually MEANT to do that, to test that my readers were actually reading my vent quest! It seems that luckily, they actually are.

>Watch Yoai with your son and ignore screaming
>but also gorge on ice cream and bad Chinese food.

You decide to watch some YOAI with your son and ignore the hideous, childlike screaming behind the door! Sitting down with a bucket of icecream that for some reason you have a weird obsession with and bad Chinese food, you gorge your fat, gross self on it with your kid. This bucket of icecream seems PERFECT to ruin a hot, cute witch's very cool and occultic dress. You keep eating it when suddenly..

Uh oh! The door is burst down by a screaming child, obscenities still getting bleeped by that annoying little helmet he owns. It's the #11, BABYRAPIER, an annoying brat that calls people's dresses "fugly" and then calls them flatter than "ironing boards." He announces that with the creation of your Construct, you have been crowned #1 of the UCA, and he is here to kick your ass and get back into the top 10 because he is now #11! What do you do?!

>>3398672
Have Crimson Chin subdue the child gently.

>>3398672
call him a fucking loser for being ranked lower than a hikikomori fujoshi

>>3398672
intimidate with a hug.

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>intimidate with a hug.

You, the weird, huggy fujoshi decide to hug the child! You squish him with your gross softness. The boy screeches, almost chimpanzee-like, and manages to eventually squirm out of your grasp after several long seconds of him hyperventilating and swearing.

After dropping to the ground, he seems to have taken a thorough beating - but is not yet out for the count. He points at you and demands for you to fight him in his Constructive..! He signals to the door behind him, which glows an eery, gameboy green. What do you do?

>>3398720
Ignore child now. Move into more interesting characters.

>>3398720
But it's our day off, today!

>>3398720
continue watching yaoi

>>3398720
Order Chinese food

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>Ignore child now. Move into more interesting characters.

A BRILLIANT idea. Fast forward through whatever boring Constructors FAT FUCK fought along the way. Babyrapier, stupid delivery girl, Dick, Starphase's friend, and now..

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You, Fat Fuck the fujoshi, are now in a convenience store with Crimson Chin! The amazing, very cool, mysterious, dark, and wicked CATASTROVANIA STRIFAUST MORITUROS IX is in there! You are awe-struck, despite not knowing who she is..! What do you do?

>>3398779
Beg her to be your friend

>>3398779
Slap a ho

>>3398779
Buy ice cream, leave the store and invite all the other Constructors to a party at your house! Catastrovania is not invited again!

>>3398779
Buy candy for her

>>3398779
Lick her feet

>>3398779
Convince her to run away from the local mafia with us because we're wanted men.

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>Slap a ho

No! There are NO hoes of both the tool or slut kind around!

>Buy ice cream, leave the store and invite all the other Constructors to a party at your house! Catastrovania is not invited again!

Absolutely not! BL wouldn't do that! And not like that ever even happened before, anyways.. right?

>Lick her feet

Ew! Feet smell..

>Convince her to run away from the local mafia with us because we're wanted men.

Pffft, a blatant lie even a NAIVE young witch wouldn't fall for unless they were a TOTAL idiot..!

>Beg her to be your friend
>Buy candy for her

You beg on hand and knee for the great and very cool CATASTROVANIA STRIFAUST MORITUROS IX to be your friend, as well as buying all the REESES' PEANUT BUTTER CUPS she wants..! It seems that in her infinite kindness, Catastrovania Strifaust Morituros IX accepts your proposal.. What will happen next?! Find out next time..!

Sorry for cutting this quest off so short..! I got a job at a place a little far away that is very COOL and DARK and MYSTERIOUS, and I even need to don a SPECIAL UNIFORM for it! Perhaps this will continue after my shift..?!

>>3398843
whatever you do, just let the first two strangers rent the car without questions

>>3398881
this it's very important

>>3398772
Who's the bubbleheaded guy? Oh that's dick.

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After befriending the very cool and popular Catastrovania Strifaust Morituros IX, you engage in a friendly bout of combat! Of course, Catastrovania Strifaust Morituros IX, ever the kind and generous young and extremely powerful 600 year old witch that fought in the Construct Wars, allows you to win out of what little sweetness remains in her shadowy and blackened heart! And she allows you to win WITHOUT ruining her sick and very cool dress!

.. Now, a time reverse, since no one really cares about Fat Fuck, you are now the radical and very cool Catastrovania Strifaust Morituros IX when she was #5! You awake in your super cool bedroom, surrounded by all sorts of wicked and awesome merchandise, right next to your Guts plushie and Diamond pillow. Everything is right in the world and no one has done some stupid loop hole or whatever to cheat you out of the top 5. What do you do now, on this beautiful, brisk Sunday morning..?

>>3401732
Nakedly lay on your guys pillow amd pretend your schierke from that one scene.

>>3401732
Go run the ever popular Occult Club.

>>3401732
read some quests!

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>Nakedly lay on your guys pillow amd pretend your schierke from that one scene.

Tcch! You’re a far more powerful witch than Schierke could ever become! And you REFUSE to be drawn that lewdly, especially on a blue board..

>Go run the ever popular Occult Club.

It IS rather popular, but it’s a Sunday! You’re sure that your adoring club members will all be present tomorrow - it’s one of the coolest and darkest and most secretive clubs in the school, after all.

>read some quests!

A brilliant idea..! You sit at your computer and partake in reading some very cool and interesting quests. Not quite as close to your level of skill, of course, for you’re a master QM, but close. That quest - Welp, they finally did it - is really something special.

As you engage in the glacial /qst/ board with a steaming hot plate of TOTINO’S PIZZA ROLLS that your sister brought to your room, you suddenly hear a soft, small knocking on your door..! Who could that be?

>>3401856
Open the door!

>>3401856
open the door

>>3401856
Well, isn’t this a mystery! We didn’t invite anyone back, did we? While any real ASSAILANTS, RIVALS, or other such HOSTILE PERSONS OF ILL INTENT would most likely not have the common decency to knock, it could very well be an enemy with EXQUISITE MANNERS and ACUTE SOCIAL AWARENESS! Ready your construct and proceed with caution.

>>3401856
Hide under your bed to prepare an ambush on whoever it is.

>not eating your TOTINO’S PIZZA ROLLS raw
What the fuck, what the actual fuck. Everyone knows that raw pizza rolls are the best, holy fuck. Get the fuck out.

>get the door
it's Domino's
>be disappointed when it isn't Domino's

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>Hide under your bed to prepare an ambush on whoever it is.

Pfft! A coward’s tactic! Reserved only for cowards! Huge cowards! You’d never stoop to such a cowardly tactic!

>Well, isn’t this a mystery! We didn’t invite anyone back, did we? While any real ASSAILANTS, RIVALS, or other such HOSTILE PERSONS OF ILL INTENT would most likely not have the common decency to knock, it could very well be an enemy with EXQUISITE MANNERS and ACUTE SOCIAL AWARENESS! Ready your construct and proceed with caution.

Instead, you listen to your intuition by readying your rad and very cool Construct, Descensus, and approach the door gingerly! You allow it to creak open with great hesitance, only to see - a familiar face..! You’ve seen her on the website and sped right past her when climbing up the ranks - the #14 Constructor, Mary Hypnagogic! A Horror Constructor - and for some reason, she’s got some origami theme..! You stand bold. The ever tired girl seems to slur her words a little, but speaks slowly and surely, informing you that she’s come to challenge you..! What do you do?!

>>3402002
fufufufu, defeat her in mere seconds.

>>3402002
COME BACK WHEN YOU HAVE DEFEATED 10,000 CONSTRUCTS!

>>3402002
Offer to only move one hand to fight

>>3402002
Kidnap her with your constructive for degenerate acts!

>>3402034
this too.

>>3402002
Someone who isn’t even ranked in the top 10 is hardly worth our time, are they? This SMALL FRY probably doesn’t even understand the PROFOUND difference in power between us!

Mayhaps a full introduction is an order, so that she may understand the TERRIFYING GRAVITY of her situation!

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>Someone who isn’t even ranked in the top 10 is hardly worth our time, are they? This SMALL FRY probably doesn’t even understand the PROFOUND difference in power between us!
>Mayhaps a full introduction is an order, so that she may understand the TERRIFYING GRAVITY of her situation!

You snort - someone barely even in the top 10 is hardly worth your IMMENSELY VALUABLE and COOL time. You introduce yourself as the great and very cool and shadowy Catastrovania Strifaust Morituros..! The girl TREMBLES in fear at your awesome name, the gravitas of the situation now being comprehended by her poor little sleepy mind..!

>fufufufu, defeat her in mere seconds.
>Kidnap her with your constructive for degenerate acts!

You raise your hand and defeat her in mere seconds, your awesome PSYCHIC WAVES flinging her back into the wall. Your esper powers are unmatched! You are the main character of this story! Your life is your own..! Standing over her and lauding your immensely easy victory, you decide to kidnap her into your train-.. To read your quest with you! A brilliant strategy..!

Sorry to end the thread extremely early, my adoring quest readers, but my shift approaches again! I have to take an especially long subway ride to get to this backwater, mysterious, seedy town - I've heard it's filled with super dangerous criminals! My job is definitely the coolest one there. Anyways,this quest to be continued in the next thread, VCAMDHQWBAAHSONCWGWMFALOQR part two!

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next chapter of this interlude never. 6-2 coming probably soon(tm)

>>3402088
So Catastrovania is one of those QMs...

>>3402075
Yo, did that dude try and hide a massive shlong in his pants leg?

>>3402128
I was thinking that too

>>3402002
How is origami horror?

>>3401732
But she was #6 before can't even get her own number right
>well technically I was close...

>>3402312
Yee
Blitz was 10
SS 9
Dick 8
Mado 7
Catas 6
Trigger is 5th

>>3402104
You mean one of the absurdly talented, cool, pretty, and generally all around admirable quest masters? I agree

>>3402155
You don't find papercuts terrifying?