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>>3363276
[2/2]

Right now, you're sitting on your own couch, watching television. You'd be the picture of a very normal American dad, if it wasn't around noon, you had a beer in your hand, Lucifer wasn't the one flipping channels, the room wasn't filled with supernaturals and magicals girls in varying degrees of outlandish costumes, and you weren't on the phone with an assassin (also a quasi-wizard) who you're pretty sure is wanted by every alphabet agency in the world.

And your eyes weren't trying to follow you wife's seven tails as they swish behind her while she talk to Alice, W's wife. Liska tried to be normal, but... well, even if your daughter Melon hadn't become a magical girl, there'd be no hope for any kind of normalcy, unless the two lied their tails off.

"I wished him good luck," you tell Kelly over the phone, about the red-suited wizard who's having an argument with his daughter in your backyard right now, "and I think he's going to need it. At least Mary's there to rein Rachel in - I've seen her shut the girl down twice with just a look. Seems like that's the price to pay for taking power from a goddess."

"We can't let that guy die," Kelly says, "nobody else can slam us into wherever the rats are between Malkuth and Yesod. Hell, I can't even name all the sephira, and I'm not stepping into anything James sets up. Look, I get that he's talking to his daughter, but we NEED him to chuck down the circle in the warehouse, and it's looking like everyone else jumped the gun, so we have to be ready fast. Just grab him."

"We're sticking to the nightfall plan, Kelly," you say, "he's still got a few hours. Besides, how could we say we're fighting for our children if we don't let him argue with his?"

"Eggs and omelettes," Kelly tells you, then sighs, "but I know you don't see it that way, brother. Heh. Guess you're right - we should probably all be saying our last words to our families."

He hangs up, just so he can have the last word. Bastard.

Too bad that your sister's currently raising a ruckus in Hell, your daughter's coming off what would have been an overdose if she wasn't a hanyou, and, well, it'd be a bit rude to interrupt Liska while she's in the middle of telling an anecdote, wouldn't it?

Then you look back at the television. Lucy's been flicking channels, but he seems to have let this one linger a bit longer than the others. It's an interview with royalty, but you're not sure what country they're from, and it's in the middle of a forest.

>Last words to Liska [WRITE IN]
>Last words to Melon [WRITE IN]
>Ask people who've been paying attention who these royals are
>Check the backyard to see if W's dead
>Tell Sig to get the fuck out
>WRITE IN

Twitter (for runtimes): https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
Archive (for figuring out how on earth everything got to this point): http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Shotgun
Character/Notes Sheet (not entirely accurate as of current moment): https://pastebin.com/kW127tnv

Man, I hope I worked in most of what the final votes in the past thread wanted.

>>3363282
>>Ask people who've been paying attention who these royals are

>>3363282
>>Ask people who've been paying attention who these royals are
>Are those elves?

>>3363282
>>Ask people who've been paying attention who these royals are

>>3363282
>Ask people who've been paying attention who these royals are
no reason to panic until we hear explosions or big laser sounds

>>3363282
>Ask people who've been paying attention who these royals are
>Are those elves?
>Check the backyard to see if W's dead

>>3363282
Oooo the sidhe?

I wonder how much beef Cernunnos has with Lucy since his image has been so conflated and basterdized over and over again in relation to him. and if the celtic divinities have bitch'n magical girl transformations like the Mediterranean pantheons have.

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>>3363282
"So who are these fuckers?" you ask the room in general.

"Oberon and Titania," Madison says, leaning against the side of the couch with a book in her hand, "or so they say."

You can see it's the collected works of Shakespeare, but is that the volume that has A Midsummer Night's Dream in it?

"Do you condone strange women lying in ponds distributing swords as a means of government?" you hear a reporter ask on the television.

"Yes," the faerie king says, "what is the selection of one person versus the selection of a horde? It's just the same thing on a larger scale."

"Did your wife, well, uh, well you know, with a guy who had a donkey's head?" a particularly brave reporter asks, and the two royals turn absolutely crimson. Oberon stops there, but Titania goes a shade you can only describe as 'mulberry'.

She looks like the wants to dig up Shakespeare's skull and parade it around on a pike.

"So these are Lilith's children," Lucy mutters, mostly to himself, and eyes the room, "well, some of you are, too."

"That matter has been settled," Oberon says, with a noticeable grip on his wife's arm, "We think one of your bards wrote a bit about it. And these are rather unfortunate questions for an interview - shouldn't you be asking about whether fae want whole, 2%, or skim milk set out for them? We could give you that answer. Hint: It's whole milk."

"We actually wanted to ask you about Brexit," another voice says.

"Like we fucking care," Titania says, "you idiots can manage your own affairs."

"What about changelings?" some reporter with a death wish asks in the press conference.

"We did outlaw that practice, uh," Oberon says, turning his head toward Titania, "was it two hundred years ago, dear?"

"Maybe longer," she tells him, "I'm not sure. Time's different here, you know."

"But," he continues, facing back toward the camera, "just as murders are outlawed here, and still happen - well, you see our point. Do you think one of yours may really be ours?"

There's a hubbub among the reporters, someone knocks over the camera, and the channel cuts back to a couple of commentators on a BBC set who appear to have completely lost their composure. Small wonder, given what they've seen today.

>Lilith's children? Here?
>Give your last words to your family
>Go outside for some fresh air
>Ask Lucy for the remote
>WRITE IN

>>3363501
>Lilith's children? Here?
i'm guessing it's the mages?
>quick look at the backyard to see if there's still something there

>>3363501
> ask Lucy to change the channel.
> cook a last meal since some of us might not come back from this.

I'm a fan of SCP, I'm sorry.


> there's a knock at the door. When you open it you find activist group called The Serpent's hand.(SCP Universe)

>>3363609
If you're interested

Exploring the SCP Foundation: The Serpent's Hand

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=02fZH1t-pfg

Not sure if I should keep waiting for more votes, or just do the two that are here.
>>3363609
Sounds like the rats are trying for a ZK-Class Reality Failure event, doesn't it? Given what's been allowed to happen so far (and the fact that Bernie is a walking XK-Class End Of The World event waiting to happen), I doubt that the SCP Foundation or its various GOIs operate in this universe.
I do enjoy large portions of that site, though. Just not sure they fit with what's going on in here.

>>3363501
>>Lilith's children? Here?
>>Ask Lucy for the remote

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>>3363501
"Lilith's children, here?" you ask Lucy, "tell me you're not just tossing a golden apple at a bunch of goddesses."

Madison laughs, and Lucy smiles. Liska turns her head a bit to throw that 'are you flattering me?' look in your direction as the talking heads onscreen try to get their act together.

Or figure out what their act even is. One of them looks like he's struggling to keep his toupee straight.

"Think about it," Lucy says, leaning back in your armchair, "supernatural beings that aren't demons, angels, or gods - or even directly created by them. I'm just guessing, but it makes sense to me. On the other hand - I'm just coming from the Abrahamic perspective, and what's it matter if a cat lived long enough to grow two tails or has Lilith in the bloodline instead? Maybe the dryads really are just the collective will of their forests. I can't claim to know."

"Still an interesting theory," Madison says.

"Oh," Lucy tells her, "I'd peg you as one of them too. You've got her hair."

You'd have given a bit to be able to see her expression, but Lucy's looking at Liska, who's detached from the little group she was in and is striding into the center of the living room.

"I guess you're mainly talking about me, though," Liska says, then she puts her head to the side and twitches an ear, "but it makes sense. Would explain why we can all breed together, if she was supposed to be the first woman."

"Does it matter if you're descended from a long-lived fox," Lucy asks her, "a servant of Inari, or Lilith?"

"Not really," Liska says, then grins at him, "but she must have really gotten around to birth all the different sorts of creatures we are."

Lucy sighs with a rather wistful look in his eyes.

"Lady," he finally says, "you know where to hit right where it hurts. I just said it was a theory."

"And I'm pretty sure I'm just an albino," Madison chimes in, "the white hair doesn't mean anything."

"Hey," you say, "Lucy, can you change the channel or give me the remote? I've had it with this guy trying to keep his hair on."

The battle with the toupee certainly seems like a losing one for that unfortunate man.

"Sure," the fallen angel mumbles and flips the channel to a rerun of some movie you've definitely seen before but can't quite recall the name of. It'll come to you eventually.

"I'm sorry about that crack," Liska says, taking a step toward him.

"Just a theory," Lucy says, "and I'm not apologizing for theorizing. But thanks."

"You've got to tell us about her," Madison says, "did everyone get it wrong?"

>Check the backyard
>Remain on the couch
>Check on Melon
>Talk to [WRITE IN] (practically all the magical girls are here)
>Call Rick, the demon chief of police
>WRITE IN

>>3363809
>>Check on Melon
>>Call Rick, the demon chief of police

>>3363809
>>Check on Melon
>Call Rick, the demon chief of police

>>3363809

>Check on Melon
> prepare a last meal.

>>3363809
>Check on Melon
>Call Rick, the demon chief of police

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>>3363809
"I really don't want to talk about it," Lucy says, and suddenly it feels like the air's become jelly, "they probably did. There's a reason I haven't read certain things in here."

Then the wave of supernatural pressure lifts, but not before everyone in the room goes 'fight-or-die'. It takes a second for them to pull themselves back.

"Ok," Liska says, her tails still absolutely flared behind her, "but that's just waving your dick."

Lucy starts to say something, but Liska cuts him off with, "and it's fine. We kind of put you on the spot."

Seems like thing are ok here, but well, you heard Liska was guarding Melon, and Liska's here, so...

Well, you decide to check on your daughter while a few people start making idle chatter about the movie that's playing. Seems like it's one of those 'Nick Cage has to pay the bills' flicks. So you head down the hallway, half-afraid of what awaits you.

It's a familiar path, carpet you've treaded a thousand times, if not more, but it seems like an endless abyss of a path. The hallway yawns like a cavern. You haven't been scared by many of the things in this brave new world of gods and monsters, but this...

Then your phone goes off, and you almost jump two feet into the air.

You answer it, almost grateful for the breather.

"Lord," Rick says from the other end of the line, "everything's going crazy and I just got APBs for your crew, Bernie's group, and Superfly's team over the wire."

"Well," you say, "what are you going to do with them?"

"Burn the APBs and fuck up anyone who comes after those folks," Rick says, "I know those came from Hell. We're probably about to lose cell service, maybe internet and cable too, if I don't miss my guess. I dispatched a guy with a shortwave radio and a satellite phone to your place already - the legion understands who our enemies are. I've got my biggest bastards out to secure power, water, and telecom infrastructure, but I'm not sure how well that's going to go."

"Sounds like you've put some thought into this," you say, "are you working with Bernie?"

"I've already got a liason there," Rick assures you, "as a demon, you always know someone's going to double-cross you eventually. And I like the people in this town. So I guess you pulled the trigger?"

"Yeah," you say, "I pulled the trigger on the world."

"Think I'd serve anyone who couldn't?" Rick asks, then hangs up.

Then you yell back into the living room "we're expecting a demon to show up with a shortwave radio and a satellite phone! Don't murder him, but don't trust him too much!"

After that, somehow manage to stick your face around the doorjam of your daughter's room. Melon's lying on her bed, face flushed, ears and tail out.

Looking straight at you with inhuman eyes glowing in the dark. Well, that settles whether Melon's eyes look like yours or Liska's.

"Hi, dad," she says, "what's going on?"

>Everything
>Nothing
>You feeling any better?
>Hug her
>Holy shit, you could have died!
>Can I come in?
>WRITE IN

>>3364039
>You feeling any better?
>Hug her

>>3364039
Grope her bottom and tell her she gets the little rascal tonight.

>>3364039
> Everything.
> Hug her.
> WRITE IN: Please don't ever do anything like that again. If you were human, that would have killed you.

Y'know, we should get a line on that Telemundo studio and talk to that guy. Maybe feed him a bit of information, and let him know he's not alone out there.

>>3364048
NO! BAD ANON! GO SIT IN THE CORNER AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID.

>>3364039
>You feeling any better?
>Hug her but if she tries anything judo chop her noggin

>>3364039
>Everything
>You feeling any better?
> WRITE IN: Please don't ever do anything like that again. If you were human, that would have killed you.

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>>3364039
"Everything," you tell her, walking toward her, "and I mean everything - king Arthur's talking to the queen and the faerie king just gave a live interview on TV."

"Wish I wasn't-" Melon starts to say, then you hug her, half-dragging her out of her bed.

"-so fucked up right now," she manages to finish, nestling her head on your shoulder.

"Please don't ever do anything like that again," you say, holding her tightly against you, her hot breath almost pouring into your ear, "if you were just a human, that would have killed you."

"And I had to do it because I'm not just a human," Melon says, then her tongue flicks against your remaining earlobe, as she breathily whispers "god, wouldn't mom be mad if I made these a matching set? Let go of me!" she yells, and nearly throws you across the room.

Right. Liska's fine now, but Melon's still in heat. She burrows under the blankets on her bed while you pick yourself up from the floor.

"Sorry," she says, fixing you with those bright eyes, "I was about to do something really stupid. I think mom would actually kill me if I marked your other ear like that. FUCK IT I HATE THIS!" she suddenly yells, thrashing in her bed, "Christ, I can still smell you all over me! And - dammit, I actually want you! I know you're my dad, and I know - but right now I'm this fucking close to just jumping over there and screwing your brains out: AND THAT'S WHY I TOOK THOSE PILLS!"

She ends up facing toward the wall, blankets rolled around her like armor.

"Can you pretend like you didn't hear any of that?" she asks in a very quiet voice.

>I think the whole house heard that
>Sure. We'll all forget this after it's over
>They all say the first time is the absolute worst
>You... probably made the right call about taking those
>Decamp with expeditious speed
>'Assist' your daughter with her problem
>You know, I think I actually just started a world war for you
>WRITE IN

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I'm going to bed, and leaving it to the Australian Gods Of Shitposting to save this situation.

Seriously, this next one's a real spoiler.Don't say I didn't warn you - this my shatter your illusions.Remember what happened the first thread this idea really came up?

Twitter (for the next runtime): https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge

>>3364054
>that Telemundo studio and talk to that guy. Maybe feed him a bit of information, and let him know he's not alone out there.
Not sure if I just wasn't clear, but the dude with the rat at gunpoint just had his other guys holding the cameraman hostage at a location shoot. He wasn't in the studio.
That entire thing is the conflux of Frank and W giving out information. The 'scruffy-looking guy' who came in partway through at gunpoint is a magical practitioner, and his 'phonecall that may have the answer' at least had an answer on how to bind the rat.

>>3364089
>I think the whole house heard that
>’Assist’ your daughter with her problem

Double NTR, let’s go! Who wants to bet on Shelby fucking Liska in revenge?

>>3364089
> Sure. We'll all forget this after its over.
> You know, I think I actually just started a world war for you.
> Decamp with expeditious speed.
I don't know why, but this phrase makes me giggle.

>>3364107
Could you please keep it in your pants for one fucking second?

>>3364089
>Sure. We'll all forget this after it's over
>I think the whole house heard that
Liska incoming

>>3364089
>Sure. We'll all forget this after it's over
>Decamp with expeditious speed

The only "help" we're gonna do with her "problem" is by throwing Shelby in a shotgun wedding with her and chained to the basement radiator with a bottle of gin.

>>3364089
>>Sure. We'll all forget this after it's over
>>You know, I think I actually just started a world war for you

>>3364089
>Sure. We'll all forget this after it's over
>Decamp with expeditious speed

>>3364089
>They all say the first time is the absolute worst.
Come on people you cant be near her you dumb asses

>>3364089
Hmm... nah, I've been here since the beginning and I'm still gonna vote the same way.
I'd have to go digging in the archive, but I'm 95% sure Liska doesn't have nearly as big a problem with it as we do. It's a blue board though, so there's really no point in voting for the smut even if I wanted to.

>I think the whole house heard that
>Sure. We'll all forget this after it's over
>Cheer up, they all say the first time is the absolute worst. It gets better.

>>3364089
>You know, I think I actually just started a world war for you

> Stay safe, melonball. Dad's gonna go kick some ass while you work through this.

Exit stage right

>>3364089
>Sure. We'll all forget this after it's over
>They all say the first time is the absolute worst
>Decamp with expeditious speed
>You know, I think I actually just started a world war for you

>>3364099
You have an incest fetish or something?

Not judging, but the option to fuck out daughter has come up A LOT more than it should have.

> still not done trying to force the "In Heat" arc to continue.

>>3364089
>>Sure. We'll all forget this after it's over

>>3364586
Just giving the crowd what it wants.

>>3364586
I for one welcome the incest meme

>>3364646
>>3364685
We do not lewd the daughteru's here! Marion is a good girl, meant for hugs and headpats only!

...Sue however can get it in every position and on every available surface we can think of.

>>3364793
No head patting her right now.
Now sue when she gets older then mybe

>>3364685
> 1 post ID

You can't hide, Haiku.

>>3364793
> taking advantage of your underage daughters underage child soldier suicidal friend who was so fucked up so introduced herself by sucking off our shotgun despite being in a position of trust and authority over her.

I mean, it's not really evil because it's in a game but it's still the choice of a bad person. Textbook example of abuse, really. She needs to be way, way less fucked up of a person and that's before we even get into the age thing.

I mean, hey, if that's what turns your crank you have my deepest pity because it's not like you get to choose.

But maybe keep that stuff out of pretending to be a PC.

>>3364685
I for one welcome you into the trash can nerd.

>>3364089
>Sure. We'll all forget this after it's over
>>Decamp with expeditious speed

>>3364089
>You know, I think I actually just started a world war for you
>They all say the first time is the absolute worst
>'Assist' your daughter with her problem

>>3364884
>>3364793
>>3364920
Wow rude guys also, No shit I'm one post. I didn't know this was up till I was at work.
Sorry senpai

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>>3364089
"Sure," you say, "we'll all forget this after it's over."

"That actually sounds like an invitation to do whatever I want," Melon mutters, "since we'll all forget it. Please don't say anything like that. But, you know, it's kind of nice to have an honest conversation for once."

"What do you mean?" you ask. Haven't you had honest conversations with her before?

"I just told you I want to... fuck you," Melon says, "and I drugged myself out of my mind so I wouldn't do that, or grab any of the other guys here. The air's positively thick with them, though. And you know exactly what I am. You know all my secrets now. So - it's not like I have anything left to lose by being honest."

That's, uh, one way of looking at it. But she still has a lot left to lose.

"Not really the way I wanted us to have an honest conversation," you say, "but you bared yourself to me, so how about I tell you a few of my secrets?"

"I'd love that," Melon says, pulling the covers tighter around herself, "I really don't know much about you. I mean, you're my dad, and you're really scary, but I don't know you. And can you please go by the door? I can smell you from here."

You're betting that's not a comment on your shower regimen, and take a seat with your back against the doorjam.

"They tell me the first time's the absolute worst," you say, "so what did you want to hear about?"

"Why did they call you Deuce?" she asks.

Oh dear. That's a story you never wanted to have to tell your daughter.

But, well, you do know a lot of her secrets...

So you tell the story, and get a couple of laughs.

It's not that great of a story. Nobody gets to pick their nickname, after all.

"Can't picture you doing that," Melon says, half-laughing, and still facing the wall next to her bed.

"I wasn't much older than you," you tell her, "and I got chewed the Hell out for it afterward."

"Can you tell me about aunt Ellie?" Melon asks, out of nowhere, "I mean, how she was before she... and how it was growing up with her? How did you grow up? Maybe a bit more about how you met mom?"

"That's," you begin, "well, those aren't the best stories."

"But they're the ones I want to hear," Melon says, turning her head so those predator's eyes glow at you.

[1/2]

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>>3365761
You sigh and begin the recital as she turns her head back toward the wall. Well, you know her secrets. She may as well know yours.

It honestly feels kind of good to scrape the scabs off for your daughter. It's not like there's anything truly hidden, just things that are a bit painful to remember, but you keep rambling on, and eventually you hear Melon's deep, even breathing, like you'd just read her a bedtime story.

Once you're sure she's asleep again, you get up and exit stage left, with expeditious speed.

And slam directly into Liska, right outside the door.

Obviously eavesdropping.

"I didn't think you'd tell her THAT story," your wife says, accidentally in your arms.

"She was probably asleep by then," you tell her, "how long were you listening?"

"Since she said I'd be mad about her marking your other ear," Liska whispers to you, and twitches her own ears, "these things aren't just for show. I'm moving her to the guest bedroom as soon as those sheets are washed - at least it's got a door."

"And she did a great job," Liska continues, as you feel her hot breath in your ear, "my first time - I would have jumped any man who did that. Or said half of what you did."

>So why did you let me enter the tiger's den?
>I'm her father - of course I'd say that
>She's our daughter - of course she'd hold up
>You're the only person I trust to watch over her while I'm away
>WRITE IN

>>3365768
>She's our daughter - of course she'd hold up
>You're the only person I trust to watch over her while I'm away

>>3365768
>She's our daughter - of course she'd hold up

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>>3364646
>>3364793
>>3364685
>>3364920
>>3365687
>>3364586
>You have an incest fetish or something?
No. It's very intentional that all the 'potential haremettes' have something about their situation that makes it downright creepy as fuck for them to be coming onto the MC. Consider it my lashing out against the genre conventions, if you will. And I found the first attempt voters made at Melon and the response to it to be highly entertaining.
In general, if you're uncomfortable with it - I meant you to be uncomfortable. That was a staple of Sue and Ellie as well, and the entire checkbook Mary was playing with when trying to deliberately mess with the MC.
>still not done trying to force the "In Heat" arc to continue.
Considering it's basically a medical condition, I couldn't just leave it hanging, unfortunately. At least Liska's over it and can think rationally now.

>>3365819
the only thing that bugs me about this whole heat situation is that Melon won't be joining us on the final assault, but i'm sure most wouldn't have let that happen anyway

>>3365819
What

It ended sooner because we put a bun in the oven.

>>3365832
I admit, I don't like that either, but I also don't have any way out of the corner I've written myself into on that one which didn't seem cheap.

Additionally, my initial reason for introducing that element was to give the MC a conundrum where his general MO of physical affection would actually make things worse.
>>3365834
That may or may not be the case. Vulpine heat duration is quite variable, and given that the magical girl thing has been suppressing her hanyou side for at least a year, it makes sense to me that Melon would be having a much longer, hared and deeper time dealing with it.

In general, I'm sort of a terrible person, but please trust me when I say writing those scenes hurts me as much as it hurts you.

>>3365768
>I'm her father - of course I'd say that
>>She's our daughter - of course she'd hold up

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>>3365768
"She's our daughter," you tell Liska, "of course she'd hold up."

"I would have jumped you halfway through those stories," Liska whisper directly into your ear, "on my first heat, and you, well, you know who you are. How'd we manage to get her?"

"I'm still not sure," you tell your wife, turning this into a hug, "I guess we got lucky?"

"You got lucky," Liska whispers, "I'm going to have to search for an idiot like you after you die. And it took me seven hundred years to find YOU!"

There's deafening silence, punctuated only by your wife's breathing. And yours.

"I am the lucky one," you say, "honestly, you're way out of my league. And I'm not planning on dying."

"I know," Liska whines, "but you've already gotten really close. That month was Hell! And you're going to do something else stupid. You've only got another fifty years anyway."

She just HAS to bring that up again. Yeah, you're not immortal. You're a human, just someone she picked up in a bar.

"Look," you say, "you're the only person I trust to watch over Melon. And you know - it's because Melon's OUR daughter she's managed to tough it out this long. Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"I'm this close," Liska whispers, "to taking your other earlobe."

"Not content with just the one and the scars on my neck and chest?" you ask, "or are you baiting me?"

"I'm not sure," she says, "I want both of you. And not," she whispers, "like I've been talking about before. I want a family. I want someone I can walk around with my ears and tails out, I want someone who can raise my daughter - Melon's going to be a disaster if I'm the only one around - and, I want you... to survive."

Then she's gone, the merest hint of lips on your cheek remaining as a small fox runs down the hall away from you.

It looks like it's got seven or so tails.

Then it turns back into Liska.

"Hey," she says, walking back toward you, "remember what I said about doing that nice dinner thing when I'm not in heat?" she finishes, putting an arm around the back of your neck, "you still down for that?"

"Yeah," you tell her, taking her in your arms, "look, I'm coming back!"

"And I'll be waiting until our bed turns into an olive tree," Liska says, before flitting out to the living room, half-dragging you along.

Nobody's paying attention. Nick Cage is on the TV, giving the gun-fu performance of his life. Lucy's on the edge of his seat, and Karen's yelling the actor on as Liska nuzzles up against your neck again. You can feel her breath.

"So go do it," she says, pushing you away playfully.

>grab her and give a more interesting scene than the TV
>Ask "are you guys enjoying this trash?"
>Ask where Rob went
>Proceed to the backyard to check on things
>Request volunteers for a last meal
>WRITE IN

>>3366144
>Ask where Rob went
>Request volunteers for a last meal

Which one of our family ends up calling the Romans on us is the question

>>3366144
>Ask where Rob went
>Proceed to the backyard to check on things

>>3366144
>Ask where Rob went
>Proceed to the backyard to check on things
>Request volunteers for a last meal

>>3366144
>>Ask where Rob went
>>Proceed to the backyard to check on things
>>Request volunteers for a last meal

But if we die, won't we be stuck in some kind of court limbo because a lot of the afterlife places wants our soul?

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>>3366144
You're never going to figure her out. Really, though, that's the fun part.

Right, you've got an expedition to muster in the rats' domain, and there's one rusted gear in you well-oiled machine. So you set out for the backyard to make sure W's still functional.

Alright, every screw is loose and most of the gears are rusty, and generally - well that's as far as you get on that train of thought before tripping over Madison.

"You alright?" she asks, after you manage to catch yourself on the bookshelf, "you look like you're seen a ghost."

"I had a run-in with a youkai," you tell her, "by the way, I haven't seen Rob around - is he in the camper?"

"He fucked off with your sister when she left," Madison tells you in an extremely level voice, "guess we've got something in common, huh?"

"Not something I want to have in common with anyone," you say, "well, was it on good terms at least?"

"Sort of," Madison says, looking up into your eyes, "I guess. He said he had to check it out at least once. And he'd be back. But given what I'm seeing on TV - he might as well have stayed here."

You're not sure if having one more yarnball member in Hell for Ellie is a good thing or a bad thing. That's another member in Ellie's faction that you can hopefully count on, though...

"I'm not sure what to say," you tell her, "except I'm sorry."

"I'm surprised he stuck with us this long," Madison says, as a cheer goes up from those watching the movie.

"I'm not," you say, "I think - I think he thought you'd all found a place to be, and other people to protect you, but didn't feel it was his place. Or something like that."

"He said something along those lines," Madison tells you, then buries her face in her book.

"Look," you say, patting her head, "he hasn't lost his mind, and I got Ellie back - sort of, after she did. I'm pretty sure he'll come through."

"Thanks," you think you hear, as you walk into the backyard.

No craters. Good.

Rachel's floating next to W in the center of it, deep in conversation with her father. The wizard's trademark wineglass is nowhere in sight.

James is leaning against the wall, a cigarette dangling from his lips, with Mary standing near him.

>Join the spectators and ask [WRITE IN]
>Lovely evening, isn't it?
>W, we need you to do the magic things
>I told you all evenings at my house were usually laid back affairs
>WRITE IN

>>3366335
>>Join the spectators and ask "So whats the over under on how this is panning out?"

If it looks like a workable moment
>W, we need you to do the magic things

>>3366335
>I told you all evenings at my house were usually laid back affairs

>>3366335
sounds about right >>3366344

>>3366335
>W, we need you to do the magic things
>I told you all evenings at my house were usually laid back affairs

>>3366335
>Lovely evening, isn't it?
>W, we need you to do the magic things

>>3366335
>>W, we need you to do the magic things

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>>3366335
You decide to hit the smokers' wall. Well, only James is smoking, the light gray trail circling his face, but he and Mary seem a lot calmer than the pair in the middle of your lawn.

"Want a cancer stick?" James asks you, "it's not much fun smoking alone."

"I'll pass," you tell him, then say in a much lower voice, "what's the under and over on how this is going?"

"I haven't exactly made the book yet," Mary whispers, "but I think current odds are one-to-one they fight, two-to-one they just pack it up and go inside, nine-to-one they hug, twenty-to-one they screw, a hundred-to-one they get their shit together, and one-to-two they do something really stupid."

"Are we actually betting on this?" James asks.

"Just a turn of phrase," you tell him, "I don't like those odds, Mary."

"I think they'll just get worse if you step in," she says, looking at you, "if they do go for it, I can shut Rachel down."

Then you see W slash his hand and hand his knife (that's probably an athame) to Rachel. Before you can say anything, she's grabbed it and sliced her own hand, a horrifying grin on her face as she presses her hand against her father's.

"Paying out at one-to-two," Mary says, "that was stupid."

Stupid or not, you need to grab W - he's essential. You take a couple of steps forward, then feel a horrifying supernatural pressure bearing down on you.

This is like walking into a blizzard.

"I'll contract with you!" Rachel yells, "as our blood mingles, so does our spirit - or something like that."

"This wizard humbly accepts it," W says, "I believe the contract is forged. You're," and he staggers into a hug with Rachel, their hands still interwoven, "still my daughter, no matter what you are."

"And I accept it," Rachel says, "you have no authority over me, but I GRANT YOU THIS CONTRACT AS ONE WHO CAN!"

You feel like you just took a stun grenade to the face. Magic flares around the wizard grasping his daughter's hand.

"I don't agree as your father," W says, "I AGREE ONLY AS A WIZARD!"

"At least you acknowledge me!" Rachel yells, "as something worth contracting with!"

That's when you step in.

"W," you say, "we need you to do the magic things - take us in to kill the rats."

You're pretty sure they just did something really stupid.

And there's a horrifying aura just rushing off of Rachel like a tidal wave.

"Good idea," the wizard say, "since I've just contracted with the bet divine spirit I could hope to - I might need a few more cans of spraypaint for the circles."

"Rachel," he tells his daughter, "good job. I think you'll surpass me."

Then he vanishes into thin air.

"What the fuck?" Rachel yells, her hand still dripping blood.

>He's a wizard, They do stuff like that
>Did you, uh, contract with him?
>Looks like all the bets are off
>Rachel, he's been looking out for you
>You need bandages for that?
>WRITE IN

>>3368225
>Rachel, he's been looking out for you
>You need bandages for that?

>>3368225
>>He's a wizard, They do stuff like that
>>You need bandages for that?

After she's calmed down a bit,
>>Rachel, he's been looking out for you

>>3368225
>>3368270
this

>>3368225
>You need bandages for that?
>Did you, uh, contract with him?

>>3368225
He's a wizard, They do stuff like that

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>>3368225
"You need a bandage for that?" you ask the girl sitting on the bench of a picnic table in your backyard.

"No!" Rachel spits at you, and you can see the self-inflicted wound healing before your eyes, "but he just fucked off!"

"Well," you say, "he's a wizard. They do stuff like that. And - I'm sorry if that's what my advice led to."

"Don't fucking bother," Rachel says, then grins, "he contracted with me! That means he wants my power and recognizes it! He said I'd be more powerful than him! And sealed it by making a blood pact!"

Rachel's almost glowing.

"The problem is that I don't know what can restore that power," Mary says, rolling up behind you, "also, you're an impulsive idiot, but you probably knew that. And, well, I guess I'm one too. We have to figure out what we get energy from."

"Right now," Rachel says, "I don't give a single flying fuck! He contracted with me! You saw it - he recognized me as a powerful supernatural being!"

"And we are both going to die!" Mary yells at her, "If we don't figure out what powers us really fucking fast. Making a contract like that is going to drain you DRY, and it's going to drain me if you don't have any income."

"I don't like raining on parades," James says, not bothering to detach himself from the wall behind him, "but she's right. You made an unconditional contract with a wizard. He could strip everything from you to power his magic. Well, you could strip everything from him to power yours."

"JUST LET ME ENJOY THIS FOR A FUCKING MINUTE!" Rachel yells at them, her voice echoing across the backyard.

James resumes smoking like nothing happened. Mary seems... unsure of what to do.

"You want to know how I met your dad?" you ask Rachel.

"I've been wondering about that," she says, "why the Hell does he know someone like you?"

"I met him in Russia," you say, and honestly wish you could light a cigarette to punctuate that statement, "we took down a demon together. And he ate it - for you. I think he's probably been paying toward your 'quota' ever since he found out about it. Your father's been looking out for you."

"Wait, what?" Rachel asks.

"He's not lying," Mary says, "the reason I got on bad terms with W a few years back was that he was hunting demons like he was a magical girl trying to not die. And, you know, we were all magical girls trying to not die, too, so we had a very violent argument over turf for demon hunting in this city."

That's probably the purest expression of utter confusion and terror you've ever seen on anyone's face.

>Go back inside to talk to [WRITE IN]
>History of magical turf wars in this city
>He really was looking out for you
>So, Mary, you need worship to survive?
>WRITE IN

>>3368724
>So, Mary, you need worship to survive?
>>Maybe that's how you recharge
>>Or the classical demon slaying
>We'll have to figure it out after taking down the rats.

>>3368724
>>He really was looking out for you
>>So, Mary, you need worship to survive?

>>3368724
>>So, Mary, you need worship to survive?

>>3368724

>So, Mary, you need worship to survive?
>what about grilling? you looked ecstatic yesterday after hanging around it.

>>3368724
He really was looking out for you

>>3368724
>He really was looking out for you
>Yeah, he could've done a better job at showing it, but not all dads are created equal.

>>3365869
Simple it's clear she's already through the worst of it since she was able to rationally tell her dad about wanting to jump him instead of actually jumping him.

That proves she's on the improvement.

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>>3368724
"Well," you sigh, "I guess we're all bad at this."

"Bad at what?" Rachel spits at you.

"He was looking out for you," you tell the - wait what is Rachel now? A magical girl? An angel (or something like that in another pantheon)? A demigoddess?

"I don't need anyone to look out for me," Rachel says, looking over your shoulder.

"He could have done a better job," you continue, inexorably, "you might not need it, but he tried. I'm trying. I'm fairly sure my brothers are trying."

"Fuck you for dragging me into this," James mutters as Rachel gazes at you with an utterly unfathomable expression and Mary laughs.

"You said you could get out of it if you wanted," you tell the wizard.

"And I'll bail when I want to," James tells you, "not a second earlier. Look," he tells Rachel, "you could wipe this place off the map. Pop your lasers and scrub it. We've all seen what you can do. I can do (and have done) worse. The question is what you're going to do."

"I'm just going to stand here!" Rachel tells him, "at least for a bit."

"Best thing a supernatural's said to me in a few hours," James says, taking another drag on his cigarette, "you know," he says to nobody in particular, then looks at Rachel, "I did some jobs with your dad. We were young and dumb and full of - well you know the saying. There was a curse that would botch any relationship we got into - kill everyone involved. He bitched out right there. How old are you anyway?"

"I'm legal," Rachel tells him icily, "what's it matter?"

"So," James says, "you must have been two or so then. I can only see three reasons he would have hung me out to dry like that."

"Fuck this," James says, stubbing his cigarette out on the brick wall, then grabbing a drink from the cooler, "I'm going for a walk."

You can almost see the question marks floating over Rachel's head, but that was the self-destructive wizard's attempt to tell her about her father. And the man's still bitter about what happened back then.

"Mary," you say, cutting in, "it sounds like you need worship to survive. And you went ecstatic over the grill yesterday."

"Well," she says, "that's why you're my high priest. Do the priest stuff!"

You sigh.

>Do the priest stuff (Time to grill!)
>I'll grill again for everyone - I said I wasn't your priest
>I need to grab James. Rachel, 'three reasons' should ring a few bells
>Give me two engraved tablets of the law from the mountains first
>No, Mary. I'm not your 'high priest'.
>I'm just doing this so you don't die
>WRITE IN

>>3378001
>>Give me two engraved tablets of the law from the mountains first
>>Do the priest stuff (Time to grill!)

>>3378001
>I'll grill again for everyone

>>3378001
>>Give me two engraved tablets of the law from the mountains first
>>Do the priest stuff (Time to grill!)

>>3378001
>I'll grill again for everyone - I said I wasn't your priest

Get her powered up. Probably won't hurt to have everyone in the yarnball share though.

>>3378001
>>Do the priest stuff (Time to grill!)
>>Give me two engraved tablets of the law from the mountains first

>>3378001
>I'll grill again for everyone - I said I wasn't your priest
>Give me two engraved tablets of the law from the mountains first

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>>3378001
"Give me two tablets of the law first," you tell her, "cut from the mountains with a divine finger, and engraved with the precepts of your faith."

"I don't have any laws - yet," Mary says, "and if you want to be a Moses ripoff, you can go do that on your own time! I'm probably going to die over here! I'm starving!"

"I'll grill lunch for everyone," you say, "I hope noon is a good hour for you."

"I prefer midnight," Mary says, "but they're both twelve."

"And I'm doing this for everyone," you tell her, "I'm grilling for all the people here, not as your priest."

"Grab someone else to grill for the people that won't eat your food because of what I said," Mary tells you, "I'm kind of sorry for doing that to you."

"So am I," you say, "you two have fun," you say to Mary and Rachel, before heading into the house.

...Are they cheering the news like a superbowl?

"In light of these incidents," a flustered-looking anchor says, "several nations have declared a state of emergency," then he points his finger at the camera and yells "DO YOU REMEMBER THE FAIRYTALES?"

"I assume there's a hard cut after that," he says, putting his hands back down on the desk, "because I'm being held at gunpoint. But I've got principles, dammit! So I'll say-"

Then there's noises of a scuffle.

"Oh, go on!" a deep voice finally says from off camera. You can almost hear the brimstone in it as it yells, "there's been a management change, you fucks!"

That's either a cantaloupe or a skull being smashed offscreen.

"Stop threatening him, or you're going to die painfully. Three, two," the voice begins.

"One!" it yells, as the anchor gets splashed with blood - and you know that's not fake. "I'm sorry, did that hurt? I hope it did. You fuckfaces serve duchess Elanor now, and don't you ever forget it!"

"Did you just rip his horns off?" the anchor asks, looking like he's seen something horrifying.

"Yeah," the voice says, "we just took his boss' head in Hell, and we'd really like you to say whatever you were about to say."

"To be honest," the anchor says, then mops his face with a handkerchief, "I was about to say the world was going to Hell, but that's a bit literal now. So - would you care to come up here for a panel interview? We've got some time to fill in the schedule."

Damn, you've got to hand it to this guy. He just wiped a demon's blood off his face, and he looks like it's still a normal day, as more of it soaks into his suit.

"Sounds good," you hear from offscreen, "welcome to this brave new world of gods and monsters."

>Watch this unfold
>Nothing to do with you, so grill
>You need to make contact with Ellie and Superfly to make sure their forces don't clash
>What the fuck?
>WRITE IN

>>3378394
>>Watch this unfold

>>3378394
>>open a livestream of it while you grill

>>3378394
>You need to make contact with Ellie and Superfly to make sure their forces don't clash

>>3378394
>You need to make contact with Ellie and Superfly to make sure their forces don't clash

>>3378394
>>You need to make contact with Ellie and Superfly to make sure their forces don't clash

>>3378394
>What the fuck?

How does Lucy feel about this?

>>3378394 #
>>You need to make contact with Ellie and Superfly to make sure their forces don't clash

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>>3378394
You jack out your phone and dial Superfly.

"Deuce?" he asks over gunfire, "gonna have to let you go-"

"No!" you yell at him, "Ellie's crew is murdering its way through Hell. I don't want you two to-"

"Yeah," Superfly says, then there are some screams and explosions, "I know. We're asking them if they're with duchess Elanor. If they ain't-" and you hear a burst of automatic fire, "then we rock them. If they say yes then fuck with us, we-" and you hear another ten rounds go downrange, "like that," Superfly says, "I'm not out to kill your sister, but if her troops get in our way - SHIT!" he yells, as you hear his phone get smashed in a scream of electronics.

Then all you can hear is a dial tone.

You don't even know where he is. Hopefully someone in his unit saved him.

You've got to get ahold of Ellie somehow. Unfortunately, the only person you've seen put a communication portal through to Hell is James - and he ran off.

Well, he can only run so far. You rush out the front door, looking around for the itinerant wizard. Then you get hugged, hard, from behind.

"What's going on?" Liska asks you.

"I need James," you tell her, "and I think he ran off."

"If a wizard really ran," Liska says, "there's no way I could catch him. You'd have even less of a chance."

"He just walked off," you tell her, "I need him to give me another communication portal into Hell!"

Suddenly, you're pressed into the doorframe as your wife pushes past you. As you're catching your breath, you see her sniffing the ground near the house, then sneezing, and rushing off down the street.

A few seconds later, she's got the luckless wizard in front of you, holding him like a cat holds a rat, by the back of his shirt.

"I went for a fucking smoke, brother!" James says, standing on his own as Liska lets him down.

"Doesn't matter," you say, "although - thanks for helping out with Rachel. I need a communication portal into Hell NOW."

"Fine," James says, and scrawls a circles and some odd symbols on the pavement, "I hope the fire lizards don't come through again."

Then he says something in a language long dead, and the portal opens. So you dial - wait. You only have Haru's number. Well, he should be with Ellie, so you give it a go.

"I'm on a news broadcast," he tells you, after the first ring, "try later. My agent will deal with you."

>It's about avoiding friendly fire
>And I'll deal with your agent
>Please have the troops not kill anyone with Superfly
>Did you just rip a demon's horns off?
>WRITE IN

>>3378687
>It's about avoiding friendly fire
>Did you just rip a demon's horns off?

>>3378687
>It's about avoiding friendly fire
>>Can you tell your troops to have some kind of truce with Superfly's?
>Did you just rip a demon's horns off?

>>3378687
>>It's about avoiding friendly fire
>>Please have the troops not kill anyone with Superfly

>>3378687
>It's about avoiding friendly fire
>Please have the troops not kill anyone with Superfly
>Did you just rip a demon's horns off?

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>>3378687
"Did you just rip a demon's horns off?" you ask.

"So you're watching," Haru says, "yes. That guy was a bitch."

"Shut the portal," you tell James, "sorry - he's in this sphere."

James does wizardly things, and the portal closes. It didn't cut your connection - looks like your assumption was right.

"I am pressed for time," Haru says, "and these studio lights are really hot. What did you need?"

You're guessing some of that was for the benefit of the audience.

"Avoiding friendly fire and Ellie's forces not killing Superfly's," you say, "his forces are already asking 'are you with duchess Elanor?' before killing demons. We've got some other gods on board too..."

"Oh," Haru says, "that's what it is. I'll see what I can do. I'm afraid, sir," he says in a muffled voice, "that I have some business to deal with in the infernal realms. Any last questions?"

Then he hangs up.

That must have been one hell of an interview.

"Wow," Liska says, looking at you, "maybe there is something stupid in your bloodline."

"Huh?" you ask her.

"I heard all that," Liska says, twitching her ears (the fuzzy ones), "these aren't JUST for you to play with. So Haru's really your sister's consort now. I was wondering after I saw him on TV, but he's going whole hog. I'm..."

She starts giggling, "he's actually her - it's kinda cute. And he's still a douchebag, but he's her douchebag. This is fun to watch."

>Want me to rip off a demon's horns for you?
>What was that interview like?
>I guess our families intertwine a bit more
>Yes, you're having fun, but the universe is at stake here!
>I said I'd grill for someone
>WRITE IN

>>3378843
>>Want me to rip off a demon's horns for you?
>>I said I'd grill for someone

>>3378843
>>I said I'd grill for someone

>>3378843
>>I said I'd grill for someone

>>3378843
>Want me to rip off a demon's horns for you?
>I said I'd grill for someone

>>3378843
>Want me to rip off a demon's horns for you?
>>Last time I tried it didn't go so well.
>I said I'd grill for someone

>>3378843
Yes, you're having fun, but the universe is at stake here
BUt even more so the steaks are at stake

>>3378967
At some point we have to threaten to cook Mary only well-done steak if she tries to order us around.

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>>3378843
"I'm happy to see - well, Haru's not a douchebag compared to some of her other boyfriends," you say.

"You know," Liska tells you, as the three of walk back into the house, "I'd say I was disappointed you didn't say you'd get a demon's horns for me, but that didn't go well last time."

"Vixen," you whisper to her, right in one of those fluffy ears, "or should I say 'pet fox'?"

"Maybe you could just forget about all the stupid shit I said while I was in heat," Liska whispers back, "and also remember it," she whispers straight into your unmarred ear.

By that time, you're well into the house.

"...and since the 'things that go bump in the night' are undeniably out there," Haru's voice says from the TV, "I think it's only right to give them the same rights any other person has."

"Even the ones you killed ten minutes ago?" the newscaster asks him.

"Obviously," Haru says, "but they threatened your life in a situation where I had to kill them to stop them. Same as any policeman firing his gun. Except they could each have annihilated this entire studio - but that's the same as a bomber with C4 bricks strapped to his chest. And I got some of them to stand down with words or just ripping their horns off."

"Would you like to give us a bit about your background?" the anchor asks him as you walk into the living room.

"I'd be delighted to tell the story," Haru tells him, "but can we schedule this for a later date? I do have to get back to Hell, or my girlfriend will be mad. She's," he says, then looks straight through the TV at you, "well, I can't quite put it in words."

"Fuck that guy," you mutter. Then again, there's nothing he could have said you would have liked. It's a strong instinct.

"And I recommend everyone stay home tonight," Haru says, getting up, "because I like you all. Actually, I fucking hate a lot of you, but that's no reason for you to die tonight. And if you're out tonight, you will probably die. Ghosts and demons will be walking the streets. There's a war in Hell. Stock up on salt, silver, and holy water before it gets dark out. Put the charms on your doorways and hope they work! Butler, let's go back."

"Yes, your grace," Butler says, as he steps into the frame, "do you think her grace will forgive you for stealing the kill on Eligos?"

"Yes," Haru says, "she would have died if I hadn't done that."

Suddenly, he's a giant fox, Butler steps into frame and grabs him by the scruff of the neck, and then they're gone.

Cat's out of the bag now.

Nothing you could do about it.

You bet the internet is going WILD about that segment.

The room is completely silent. Haru just dominated them all, as he probably did thousands of other view-

"That's great," Sue says, "but I'm hungry."

"Same," Karen tells her, "wait, 'things that go bump in the night' getting equal right without having to hide it?"

"You're just thinking about your boyfriend!" someone yells at her.

[1/2]

>>3379082
[2/2]
"The good new is that I'm grilling for everyone!" you say, "the bad news is that I'm apparently designated as Mary's 'high priest'. So my cooking is - Lucy can explain this one better."

"Eating it is an act of worship to her." Lucy says, not even bothering to look up from his book, "she's going by Mesopotamian rules. Eat at the risk of your soul."

"I'm a magical girl," Harriet tells him, "I can't be tied down more than I have been."

...yeah, but she's also a time-looper. If things get too crazy here, she can just bail.

"I'm a magical ferret!" Freeble says, scrambling onto your shoulder, "I'm pretty sure I can just eat it, brother."

"I am a goddamn kitsune," Liska says, "and his wife. I can definitely devour anything you make," she tells you.

Shirley and Alice look a bit nervous. They're both witches, so that's a really bad sign, since they should know what this entails.

>I'm going to make one for Maty, but I need a second chef for the rest
>Alright, Liska - do we have anything to grill?
>Anyone who wants to can eat - but I won't answer for the consequences
>I never asked for this!
>Write in

>>3379086
>>Anyone who wants to can eat - but I won't answer for the consequences
>>I'm going to make one for Mary, but I need a second chef for the rest

>>3379086
>>I'm going to make one for Maty, but I need a second chef for the rest

>>3379086

>Alright, Liska - do we have anything to grill?
>Anyone who wants to can eat - but I won't answer for the consequences

>>3379086
>Anyone who wants to can eat - but I won't answer for the consequences
>Alright, Liska - do we have anything to grill?

What we are missing right now are super robots.

>>3379086
>>Anyone who wants to can eat - but I won't answer for the consequences

>>3379265
They'll appear right after kaiju.

>>3379086
Alright, Liska - do we have anything to grill?

>>3379086
Wait, Haiku for some reason I thought you were Aussie, how are you posting if you are?

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>>3379660
I'm actually GMT-6 (USA Mountain Time). I joke about Aussie votes saving the quest during the small hours of the morning due to the time difference, since they start reading and voting right after I go to bed (or the floor), and due to the Australian shitposting memes.

>>3379810
Test post from Australia

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>>3380982
BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER! FUCK AUSTRALIAN ISPs.

Ya know, I'm kinda worried about a certain neigbour of ours.
Wonder how he's keeping up.

>>3381388
Huh?

>>3381700
Fred. Oh god, if he’s listening to the news or talk radio right now...

>>3379086
> I never asked for this
Being a parent is suffering
At least we didn't get any cybernetic augmentation done to us while we were in coma.
Now that, that was a good game.

I'm going radio silent until next week. Sorry. A family friend has a wedding I'll be attending over the weekend, and that involves a very long drive each way.

So, I apologize. At least I archived the thread this time.

>>3384500
>at least I archived the thread this time
Well good. Now I don't have to forget to do it.

>>3384500
Nice try not to knock up the bride and her maids

>>3380983
Oh God, the power of Australian Shitposting is greater than any government ban...God..damn..it...

>>3384500
Thanks QM, be safe and have a blast