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>>3318685
Twitter (for runtimes): https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
Archive (for figuring out how we got here): http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Shotgun
Characters and Notes sheet (a bit outdated): https://pastebin.com/kW127tnv

Well, here we go for the hundredth time...

>>3318685
>Call Harriet
>Search for Heinrich

>>3318685
>Call Harriet
>Search for Heinrich

>>3318685
>>Call Harriet
>>Search for Heinrich

We need to get Lucy a cellphone if he's just going to wander off randomly. Although I fear what will happen once he figures out web browsing.

>>3318685
>Call Harriet
>Search for Heinrich
>WRITE IN

Toss a prayer out to Mary to update her on the situation. Maybe pass along Hel's number so Hel can give her a crash course in how to deal with other divinities.

>>3318685
>>Call Harriet
>>Search for Heinrich
Also I'm LOVING that opening pic OP.

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>>3318685
Then you call Harriet.

The phone rings a few times, then she finally answers as you walk through the halls.

"Hey," you say, "we're mobilizing everyone we can (including some gods) against the rats. Shouldn't hit until tonight."

"Have you checked the news lately?" Harriet says, "because I bet you've got something to do with that guy who stabbed a sword into the pavement in front of Buckingham Palace and said only the rightful ruler of England could pull it out. I think it hit the news because the police couldn't decide whether to deal with him and his toughs, or keep the crowd off."

"'Everyone' includes King Arthur," you tell her, "and what's happening?"

"Oh," Harriet says, "uh, is that guy actually King Arthur?"

"Probably," you say, "what the hell is he doing?"

"Giving an interview," Harriet says, "and - one of the reporters just made a break for the sword! What the hell?"

"SOMEONE GET ME BBC!" you yell at the cubicles, and people scramble.

"That guy got tackled to Hell," Harriet says, "what are these guys?"

You end up huddled around a computer screen with several employees as a disheveled man yells into the camera.

"THE CURRENT QUEEN GETS FIRST GO!" he screams, then turns and yells, "ALL OF YOU LOT, FORM AN ORDERLY QUEUE!"

"He really is British," Harriet opines into your ear, "and he just stabbed a sword two feet into the ground, through pavement. Are those guys actually the knights of the Round Table?"

"Camelot's a silly place," you say, and get a few laughs from the gathered folks, then whisper, "they may be the new ones." into your phone.

"You weren't kidding when you said 'everyone'," Harriet mutters.

"You wouldn't believe who else we're grabbing," you whisper, disentangling yourself from the crush and running toward your office. That's probably where the other guys are.

"-show off the room, as an emphasis against the general 21st Century office aesthetic," Lucy says to D. Onassis, as you open the door.

Luckily, Heinrich's there.

"Heinrich," you tell the knight, "Bernie wants you. Now. He's sort of in a mood."

Heinrich sighs and stands up, telling the others he's sorry to have to leave.

"Can you handle these guys?" he whispers to you while brushing past by the door.

"If I can't, someone I know can," you mutter at him. He nods and leaves.

Unfortunately, that leaves you with Lucy, a heretic priest, and D. Onassis in your office.

"What's going on there?" Harriet asks from your phone.

"Work," you say, "I'll call you back."

Then you hang up.

>We appear to have made international news
>I trust you're all in with us?
>Mr. D. Onassis - are you here to talk about the agreement we made?
>The vines do seem to be growing well
>WRITE IN

>>3318893
>>I trust you're all in with us?
>>So Lucifer, does the priest make anykind of sense, or did he just do too many drugs for the last twenty years?

>>3318893
>>3318903

+1

>>3318893
>I trust you're all in with us?
>This seems like the set up to a new religion founding

>>3318893
>>3318903
supportan

Always knew Bernie had a heart in him somewhere.

>>3318893
>I trust you're all in with us?
>Any of you know the number of someone trustworthy in the British government?

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>>3318893
"I owe my office decor," you say, "to D. Onassis. I'm glad you like it, Lucy."

"It's a daring statement," Lucy says.

"I just sort of threw the vines around," Dionysus says, "not sure they'll all get enough sun. That aside," he says, looking at you, "did you hear Ares go Mars? And dad even went Jove!"

"So I trust you're all in with us?" you ask.

"I'm going to be in on the very important business of rehabilitating magical girls," Dionysus says, lounging in a chair, "giving them the love they deserve, and all that."

"So you're just using this as an excuse to get laid?" Lucy asks, "you really are your father's son. Looks like that didn't change while I was out."

"Do you want to go?" Dionysus asks him, "because I'm pretty sure I can take you."

"Oh," Lucy says, "where'd that 'not a combat god' stuff from before go? Think some vines and turning into a tiger are going to wreck me?"

Suddenly, the atmosphere in the room feels like jelly.

And the fucking 'priest' starts laughing.

"Look," he tells Dionysus, "you'd die if you try. Did you feel that?"

"I don't care," Dionysus says, "there are a lot of nonmagical girls out there, although the MGs have really hot costumes. And, yeah, I'm my father's son, just like you, Lucifer."

"Is the one who constructed me my father?" Lucy asks, with a dismissive sweep of his wrist, "I'm not the Son of YWVH. I'll never be. I kind of envy you that, Dio."

"With us," you say, hoping to cut this off before it gets nuts, "or against us? In, or out?"

"In," Lucy says.

"Guess I'm in too," Dionysus says, then winks at you, "only because I think it'll be fun."

"In," the 'priest' says, "because if they crash the universe, I'll die too."

"Lucy," you ask, "did this 'priest' make an ounce of sense, or did he just get too high for twenty years?"

"You helped me out of Gamchicoth, and you still have to ask?" he asks you, then he turns toward the 'priest', "are you the prophet of this age?"

"I'm the Jesus of suburbia," the 'priest' tells him with a grin, "of course I am."

"Full of shit suits the prophet of this age," Dionysus says.

>Then your phone goes off
>Glad to see you three are getting along - since you're with us
>'Prophet of this age'?
>I have to go try and manage King Arthur staging an appearance
>WRITE IN

>>3319039
>Glad to see you three are getting along - since you're with us
>'Prophet of this age'?

>>3319039
>>Then your phone goes off
>>Glad to see you three are getting along - since you're with us

>>3319039
>Then your phone goes off

>>3319039
>Glad to see you three are getting along - since you're with us
>Then your phone goes off
Turns out you get a lot of phone calls when you try to kill a Rat God

>>3319039

>Then your phone goes off
>I have to go try and manage King Arthur staging an appearance

>>3319039
>Then your phone goes off

>>3319039
>Glad to see you three are getting along - since you're with us
>Then your phone goes off

For once, I'm /almost/ on time to a Haiku thread. Good to see you running this again, QM!

Now to go reread two threads of story...

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>>3319039
"Glad to see you're all getting along," you say, "since we're all on the same side."

"Anyone else made a move?" the 'priest' asks.

"Last I heard," you say, "King Arthur slammed a sword through the pavement between Buckingham Palace and the Victoria Memorial, and called out the queen of England."

Then your phone goes off.

You leave your office while the three wise guys are still laughing.

Only then do you answer your phone and say "Hello?"

"Yo, Deuce," Superfly says, "what's going on?"

"The usual," you tell him, "something going wrong on your end?"

"Have you seen the news?" he asks.

"I live under a rock, Superfly," you say. Hopefully it sounds believable.

"So King fuckin' Arthur (or some guy claiming to be him) showed up in front a Buckingham Palace, stabbed a sword into the pavement, and said only the rightful ruler of England could pull it out!" Superfly says, "do you know if that's actually Arthur? Most of my other leads are worthless."

"King Arthur?" you ask, "what on earth is going on? Isn't he supposed to be dead or in Avalon?"

"The guy's managed to get a BBC team with him," Superfly says, "and there's a police cordon from the Victoria Memorial to Buckingham. The police are treating it like a terrorist incident, since he wanted the queen to come out, but that guy's on camera shoving a sword two feet into the ground, and he gave an interview!"

"Are you high?" you ask Superfly, "let me get to a TV."

It takes scant seconds - everyone in the office is gathered around that monitor.

And they're got good reason to be. As you come up, you can see - wait, what's going on? The Queen of England's coming out for the first go? Granted, she's got a full security detail on her, but... And Arthur's bowing to her and backing away as she approaches the sword.

"Holy shit," you tell Superfly, "you're not, although I want some of whatever Elizabeth II is on right now."

"Same," Superfly says.

Then the aged queen sets her feet and grabs the hilt of the sword.

"You know anything about this?" Superfly asks you.

>No
>I heard Arthur was active, but this is...
>What the FUCK is happening here?
>Superfly, the world's going to war. Whose side are you on?
>WRITE IN

>>3319250
>>Superfly, the world's going to war. Whose side are you on?

>>3319262
Supporting
Also, do we have anything legendary or impressive to wear? We can always live forever in myths and legends.

>>3319250
>Superfly, the world's going to war. Whose side are you on?

>>3319250
>Superfly, the world's going to war. Whose side are you on?

>>3319250
>Superfly, the world's going to war. Get your kids out of there or they'll be hit with the coming conflict.

>>3319276
The shotgun.

>>3319250
>The line secure?
>It turns out that a possible sphere crash gets everyone's attention.

>>3319250

>I heard Arthur was active, but this is...
>Superfly, the world's going to war. Whose side are you on?

>>3319250
Hey QM what happened to the rock that the sword was in before.

>>3319250
>>3319335
second

>>3319360
I meant the one above him

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>>3319250
"Superfly," you say, "the world's going to war. Whose side are you on?"

"Is that guy really King Arthur?" Superfly asks, as everyone glues their eyes to the screen.

"Judging by his voice," you say, "yes. He came back in the forties."

And then you watch with millions of others as Queen Elizabeth II pulls the sword out of the pavement and manages to hold it up in the air. A cheer goes up, even in the office.

Then Superfly hangs up, as you watch King Arthur bow and address Elizabeth II as "Your Majesty", then request an audience.

She says something, he ask for something, she nods, then they both walk into Buckingham Palace, escorted by the guards. Then the police start getting friendly with Arthur's guys and the feed suddenly cuts to flabbergasted newscasters in a studio, and a maelstrom of conversation erupts in the office among the knot of people who were watching.

Then Bernie walks out from the conference room, with Heinrich following him.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the dragon bellows into the cubicle pit, "I have one assignment for you, and then you have the week off. Paid! Your homes will be guarded - we are all under attack."

There's a moment of quiet, then a very courageous person asks "does this have anything to do with what just happened in Britain?"

"That would breach client confidentiality," Bernie says, "but this is not a coincidence."

"Who asked that?" you yell, "because I want you on my team when this blows over!"

"I believe Frank has the details on what you're supposed to get," Bernie says, eyeing the luckless man, "doesn't matter if he's your boss or not - grab it for him. And as SOON as you've sent in the required data, please leave the building. We have arranged for armed guards for all your houses."

"And if this isn't over in a week," he says, "I will continue to extend paid vacation and guards until the firm runs out of money or the threat is gone. Quite sorry you guys have to deal with this, but we're going to take every effort to ensure the firm's mistakes don't bite you."

"What kind of trouble are we in?" someone asks.

"I want you, too!" you yell, "after this is over."

"It has come to my attention," Bernie says, paying you no mind, "that certain branches of this firm have become involved, without realizing it, in money laundering schemes for various organized crime groups. We are turning over all the evidence to the proper authorities, but the machinery of the law is slow, so we will protect you until the government can step in and do it. Everything is on my head, and nobody will be held individually accountable, so please bring anything that seems suspicious to my office, or to Frank. We are paying for a private security company to guard all your homes until the government can step in. I'm very sorry about this."

So that's how he's selling it.

>Bernie, why Frank?
>Bernie, are we closing shop?
>Call Superfly back
>Call Harriet back
>Bernie, that was an amazing crock of shit you sold them
>WRITE IN

>>3319441
>>Call Superfly back

>>3319441
>Call Superfly back

>>3319441
>Call Superfly back

>>3319441
>Bernie, why Frank?
>Call Superfly back

>>3319441
>Bernie, why Frank?

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>>3319441
You duck into an unoccupied conference room and call Superfly.

It takes three rings before he finally picks up.

"Not a secure line," he says, then hangs up again.

Seconds later, 'Ace' slams in through the room's window, shattering glass all over the room.

"Long time, no see," he says, "jack the battery out of that thing or throw it in the hall. If we can grab you on GPS, everyone can."

You're just damn glad you're still running an old phone, and you manage to get the battery out.

"Now we can talk," the half-angel says, "seems like someone's just pulled the trigger on a full world war. Superfly thinks it's you. I think it's you. Here's what you don't know - that's exactly what we wanted. We're going in hot on the demons in our government. We just needed an excuse. So, thanks."

>Is your entire faction in on this?
>We're going on rats, and holding off until tonight
>Arthur jumped the gun
>I know nothing about any of this
>Ace, I've got a guy you should meet
>Are you guys with us or against us?
>WRITE IN

>>3319550
>Is your entire faction in on this?
>We're going on rats, and holding off until tonight
>Ace, I've got a guy you should meet

>>3319550
>Is your entire faction in on this?
>Arthur jumped the gun
>We're going on rats, and holding off until tonight

I think it would be wise to keep the literal half-angel that has to be near-killed every time the other half starts its "do not fear" bullshit away from Lucifer.

>>3319550
>Is your entire faction in on this?
>We're going on rats, and holding off until tonight - Arthur jumped the gun

THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA. LET'S DO IT.
>Ace, I've got a guy you should meet

In other news, I've finally caught up and I've gotta say your mashed-potatoes cosmology is incredibly entertaining, QM... If ever-so-slightly entirely heretical.

Now, what I really want to know is how Ace made it from presumably DC to wherever the fuck Bernie's office is, inside of five minutes. Do they have a teleporter on their team, or is Ace just that bullshit?

>>3319550
>>Ace, I've got a guy you should meet
>>Are you guys with us or against us?

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>>3319345
>Hey QM what happened to the rock that the sword was in before.
Who cares?
The joke is that the first time around, Merlin enchanted everything so that only the heir of Uther Pendragon could pull the sword out. This time, Arthur just stabbed the sword into the ground - that's why his guys tackled the reporter who made a dash for it. Anyone could have pulled it out, which is why Arthur wanted the current queen to go first. The whole thing was a trick to establish magical legitimacy for the current British monarch, and hopefully reciprocal legitimacy for whatever crazy stuff those guys in that apartment (the kings in the mountains) are trying to pull.
>>3319606
>If ever-so-slightly entirely heretical.
Sorry, we're going full gnostic.
>Now, what I really want to know is how Ace made it from presumably DC to wherever the fuck Bernie's office is, inside of five minutes
Superfly's team has been staying in the MC's city since they were deployed to look into the first satellite incident. They haven't managed to find out who's behind it yet, somehow...
>Do they have a teleporter on their team
Sick reference.

>>3319656
>Superfly's team has been staying in the MC's city since they were deployed to look into the first satellite incident.
Which city is this, by chance? Just good ol' genericamericancity or is it an actual real-life city?

>Sick reference.
You've got the perfect post image there, because I have no fucking clue what I just inadvertently referenced. Mind filling me in?

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>>3319550
"Is your entire faction in on this?" you ask Ace, then the door opens behind you, and you back into one of the side walls so you can keep an eye on Ace and the newcomer.

...who turns out to be Heinrich.

"Who's this?" he asks, with a fight-or die expression, "and what happened?"

"Is your entire faction in on this?" you ask the half-angel.

"You've met me, Heinrich," Ace says, "you know who I'm with. And I'm not here for an attack - I'd just have smashed the pillars in the parking garage if I was. Name's Ace, if you didn't catch it last night."

"Oh," Heinrich says, "now I remember you. Some reason you came in through the window?"

"I was supposed to give a message to this guy," Ace says, as Heinrich mutters something into a radio, then Ace looks at you and says "yeah, we're all in on this. Why do you think Superfly keeps a walking ECM around? It's not just because I'm into her - we're a splinter faction. We know what our 'bosses' are. And if you're going to stir the pot, we're going to grab the good stuff out of it with the fleshooks."

"I have a guy I think you should meet," you tell Ace, "let me grab him."

"Wait! I'm supposed to give you a second message," Ace says, "uh, I think it was 'I don't want to Tetsuo and Kaneda this'. Do you have a clue what that means?"

You laugh

"I get it," you say, "Heinrich, can you please grab Lucy from my office?"

The knight gives you a look of doubt, but you nod, and he leaves, closing the door behind him.

"We're going in on the rats tonight," you say, "we've gathered several factions to prevent a sphere crash, and the fallout from killing rats. Some of them jumped the gun. I hear there's a war in Hell, too."

"There's always a war in Hell," Ace says, then Lucy opens the door.

"Brother!" Lucy yells, and takes a step forward, "no, you're not him. You feel kind of like him, though."

"Who are you?" Ace asks, his knees buckling.

"What are you?" Lucifer slangs back at him.

"Remember when I said I'd met a half-angel?" you say, "it's him."

"Really, who are YOUUUUUUUUUU?" Ace says, as he falls to his knees, scrabbling at the wall in an attempt to stand up, as if something's compelling him to kneel.

>Lucy, please stop whatever you're doing
>We're all on the same side here
>Is this always how meetings between angels go?
>I feel like the two of you have a lot of things to discuss
>WRITE IN

>>3319766
>I feel like the two of you have a lot of things to discuss
>We're all on the same side here

>>3319669
>Which city is this, by chance? Just good ol' genericamericancity or is it an actual real-life city?
It's a generic city in the Midwest. Well, 'city' is being a bit generous. It's one of those small towns on the verge of being a city you sometimes see. Just the place for a bunch of supernaturals to hang out below the radar.
> Mind filling me in?
It was a joke about the fact that the character whose image I'm using for 'Ace' is on a team with a teleporter for a while in the To Aru Majutsu No Index series.

>>3319766
>>We're all on the same side here
>>I feel like the two of you have a lot of things to discuss

>>3319766
>Is this always how meetings between angels go?

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Cranking out, since it's nearly 2AM here.

Australia, save us!

Twitter (for runtimes): https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
Archive (for figuring out how we got here): http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Shotgun
Characters and Notes sheet (a bit outdated): https://pastebin.com/kW127tnv

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>>3319837
>Australia, save us!
Nah m8 get fucked, we're too busy dealing with bushfires

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>>3319837

>>3319766
>Lucy, please stop whatever you're doing
>I'm guessing you can tell (partially) what he is?

>>3319766
>Lucy, please stop whatever you're doing
>Is this always how meetings between angels go

>>3319766
> Lucy, please stop whatever you're doing
> Is this always how meetings between angels go?

>>3319766
>>3320295
support

>>3319766
>Lucy, please stop whatever you're doing
>Is this always how meetings between angels go?

we should probably tell him that Rick is on our side, just in case

>>3319766
Is this always how meetings between angels go?
>

>>3319766 #
> Lucy, please stop whatever you're doing
> Is this always how meetings between angels go?

>>3319766
>Is this always how meetings between angels go?
>

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>>3319766
Strangely, you can't feel any supernatural pressure in the room. Seems like this is something different.

"Lucy," you say, "can you please stop whatever you're doing?"

"I won't stop it," Lucy says, striding forward toward the teenager, "I'm still The Lightbringer, and he's just reacting to it. It's up to him to stop it."

"Can you tell what he is," you ask, "beyond what I've let slip?"

"He's apparently what you guys got to from eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge," Lucy says, "an existence like like shattering two colored panes of glass, melting them half together, and calling it 'stained glass' or a mosaic. I could command you," he says, looking down at Ace, "and I could tell you to not fear, but I won't. Instead I'll tell you זה המאבק שלכם."

That doesn't seem to have any effect, then Ace half-whispers, half-yells, putting his fingers through the office sheetrock as he tries to get a handhold to stand up, "I know that! And did the unlucky feathered bastard who got sewn onto me know who you are?"

"He was my brother, once," Lucy tells the tense guy,"I don't know how much of him is left in you. And who did this?"

"Confidential information," Ace says, in more of a monotone, sounding like he's struggling to breathe, "matter of national security. Need-to-know-basis. All that. No idea how they grabbed something this powerful."

"I'm putting them on the list too," Lucy says to the wall, with a faraway glare, then looks back down at Ace, "the fault's on their head, not yours - I don't begrudge you your existence. But I hope you manage to have the best of both things you are."

"I'm guessing this isn't always how meetings between angels go," you say.

"Angels are very dangerous," Lucy says, looking at you, "and the poor kid's struggling with the vestiges of their hierarchy encoded in every fibre of my brother he has grafted to him. This is not how it usually goes. Wish I hadn't had to see this."

>I need you to leave. He's an important go-between
>I need to step out for a sec and talk to [WRITE IN]
>We should probably both give him some space
>So why won't you help him?
>WRITE IN

>>3326013
>Is there a way to... fix or help him

>>3326013
>>We should probably both give him some space

>>3326013
>So why won't you help him?

>>3326013
>>We should probably both give him some space
>>So why won't you help him?

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>>3326013
"Wish you two wouldn't talk like I'm not in the room," Ace says, tendons standing out on his neck, "so you're a real angel -" he coughs up blood and mutters "...shit," trying to wipe his mouth with the hand that's not shoved into the wall.

What the Hell's happening to this kid?

"I know I should really stop asking people this," you say to Ace, "but are you ok? Actually, are you 'be fine in the morning' not ok, 'someone call a shrink' not ok, or 'evacuate now' not ok?"

"I'm in control," Ace says, "so those are your categories?"

"Almost everyone I know qualifies for one of them," you tell him, "myself included." He gives a bit of a choked laugh.

And spews more blood on the carpet.

"Look, Lucy," you say, eyeing the Devil himself, "is there a way to fix or help him?"

"I could 'fix' him," Lucy says, "with a word. But I won't."

"Why not?" you ask, "the kid's going to bleed out here!"

"Like I told him," Lucy begins, "oh. You don't know Hebrew, do you? I told him it was his battle to fight. I could command the remnants of an angel in him, but what good would that do?"

"Thank you for that," Ace manages to say, "and who the Hell are you?"

"Lucifer," Lucy tells him, "The Lightbringer, the - fine it's my title now - The Mourning Star. I think part of you served under me when I served under another. And I will not help you with this."

"I wouldn't want you to," Ace gasps at him, "but could you help me after it's over?"

Then Lucifer grins.

"If you can end it yourself," Lucy says, "of course I will."

You're a bit out of your depth here, but you've seen something like this before. That was a bad night.

>Why don't you leave, Lucy, and I'll see if he goes back to normal?
>Let's both give him some space
>Ace, you said Jim was part of that? I'm going to get him and the sword.
>Well, tough it out, kid. I'm rooting for ya
>WRITE IN

>>3326189
>>Let's both give him some space

>>3326189
>Let's both give him some space

>>3326189
>Let's both give him some space

>>3326189
>>Let's both give him some space

>>3326189
>>Well, tough it out, kid. I'm rooting for ya

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>>3326189
"End it myself?" Ace asks, "I'm better off with that guy's sister if I go that way - I hear Hell still takes suicides," he says, with a very dangerous grin.

"ממזר!" Lucy yells, "you know that's not what I meant! Of course I wouldn't be able to help you if you ended things that way. There are all sorts of 'end's," he says, turning toward the door, then tossing over his shoulder "I hope you have an end that's also a beginning."

Then Lucy walks out into the hall, closing the door behind him.

And Ace breathes a sigh of relief.

"Shit," he says, "so that's a real angel. Can you help me up?"

"Sure you should move like that?" you ask, while you walk toward him.

"My team keeps me under control with lethal injuries," Ace tells you, "I'll be fine. Physically fine," he finishes, and there's something in his eyes that wasn't there before.

You help him into an office chair, and ask, "want me to give you some space?"

"Not in a room with a blown-in window," he says, "there's at least twenty sniper spots out there with a clear view. I can go down under sustained fire. Sling me somewhere without a window, if you can. Just don't let me see that guy again."

"Fine," you tell him, and think about who might be around outside. Kid's got blood all over him - that's going to spook the normal employees after Bernie's announcement. and if Lucy's outside the door, there's going to be more of a problem.

You open the office door and see that the Devil has apparently departed. Cubes are a no-go, but there's a janitorial closet across the hall.

Nobody's looking this way, so you fireman carry the half-angel into it, and manage to lay him down gently next to an industrial vacuum cleaner and a few shelves of cleaning supplies.

"Thanks", Ace says, "and Superfly said you should say something like 'not watching that private's porno tape again', to him, if I got whacked but things are ok, unless you want the rest of us going in on the building. These are weird code phrases."

"Well," you say, "we were kids. Even if we were older than you are. Hope you can tough out whatever the Hell's happening."

"You and Lucifer," Ace says.

Then you shut the door to the janitor's closet.

[SET 1:]
>Dial Superfly and inform him that you do not wish to see that private's 'porno' tape again
>Do not dial Superfly
[SET 2:]
>Find Lucy
>Find Frank
>Dial your various faction members and put them on a war footing
>Tell Bernie you're going home for the day
>Walk the cubes and attempt to reassure the workers
>WRITE IN

>>3326387
>>Dial Superfly and inform him that you do not wish to see that private's 'porno' tape again
>>Dial your various faction members and put them on a war footing

>>3326387
>Do not dial Superfly
>Tell Bernie you're going home for the day

>>3319766
>>3326387
Private's 'porno tape': The "private's porno tape" and "Kaneda and Tetsuo" 'code phrases' are a reference to an incident where a private in the group the MC and Superfly were NCOs for got a bootleg VHS of Akira, thinking it was porn, and they confiscated it and watched it themselves. I think they joked about it a few threads ago, but it's an amateurish sort of secret code for "let's not fight".
If you don't get why it means that, go watch Akira.

>>3326387
>Dial Superfly and inform him that you do not wish to see that private's 'porno' tape again
>Dial your various faction members and put them on a war footing

>>3326387
>>Dial Superfly and inform him that you do not wish to see that private's 'porno' tape again
>>Dial your various faction members and put them on a war footing

>>3326387
>Dial Superfly and inform him that you do not wish to see that private's 'porno' tape again

>Dial your various faction members and put them on a war footing

>>3326387
>>Dial Superfly and inform him that you do not wish to see that private's 'porno' tape again
>>Find Frank

>>3326387
>Dial Superfly and inform him that you do not wish to see that private's 'porno' tape again

> Find Lucy

Just to ask if HE is okay after what happened. It's gotta be rough for him to see a brother mutilated and bound to a human like that. Clearly there was more there, and it's the decent thing to do.

Superfly could probably help point Lucy at some people.

Then

> find Frank

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>>3326387
Well, you don't know what kind of power Superfly has up his sleeve. Two magical girls, Ace - neutralized for the moment (but you wouldn't put money against him ripping out of the building as wheels within with wheels with far too many eyes), a young wizard, and some fighter Shelby couldn't get a read on. But that's just the ones you saw. He implied that was the minimal 'honor guard' he was allowed to see you with - and now you're thinking in Hell's terms. Who else may be hiding in the wings?

It's certain they weren't the only ones he brought into this city, unless he was bluffing about the rest of his crew not letting him out without a guard. He's got a helicopter crew, too. And with what Ace said - he may have some friends. It sounds like he's been planning this too. 'Mach' is just too good of an asset for someone who doesn't want anyone else to listen in.

You dial him again. The metadata's going to be damning, even if nobody's listening on the calls, but it might not matter by tomorrow night. You've not betting on cards here. You're not betting chips.

You're betting lives. And you're betting on an old friend.

"Evening," Superfly says, "what do you say about going to the movies?"

"I'm a married man and I don't swing that way," you say, "definitely not watching that private's 'porno' with you again. That scene with the teddy bear - yeah that gave me the creeps for a week."

"But you won't judge me?" he asks, "I hoped we could be friends after this, even if I came on a bit strong."

"Man," you tell him, "if this all ends without a massive cock in my ass, we'll always be friends. The choppers don't need to get Tetsuo. But I can't make it to the movies until tonight."

"A girl comes for Tetsuo, remember?" he says.

"Messes up the bromance a bit," you say, "but that's how it works. She should have gotten him. You seeing the movies tonight?"

"Staying in and watching them on the TV with the kids," he says, "we've got all the classics. You always liked The Great Escape, right?"

"I'd prefer to Hunt For The Red October," you say, and you know that he knows that you think The Great Escape is a better movie, "don't you think they're a bit young for all that?"

"Oh," Superfly says, "they can take it. Too bad you didn't want to come over. Hope you have a fun night at your place. Waaait, it's been how many years and she hasn't run out on you yet? How did you manage to get a hot blonde like her anyway?"

Then you cut the call. It's a safe bet he's laughing his head off.

You can only imagine the weird looks he got from anyone in earshot during that exchange. Well, both of your positions are pretty clear: you're not in his fight, but you're fighting one that gives him an opening tonight, and he needs to send someone around to collect his pet angel. The office should be safe from his forces for the time being.

Never thought you'd have to do things in half-assed code phrases with an old friend.

[1/2]

>>3326387
>Dial Superfly and inform him that you do not wish to see that private's 'porno' tape again

>Dial your various faction members and put them on a war footing

>>3326637
What happened to Uncle Sam's phone number? Also I was re-reading some of the earlier threads and I remember the sword mentioned that he could bring out more of our power. We should do that later.

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>>3326637
Then you dial Kelly Edwards, assassin for hire, the 'Angel Of Death' in some circles.

"I'm sorry," he says, "due to a recent issue in Britain, we are not able to provide our usual services. Please leave your contact information after the beep."

"Kelly," you say, "I know that's not your answering machine, and it's me. We're on a war footing now. Guess you saw the news?"

"I can't really call you more bullshit than I am," Kelly says, "but did you have a hand in that? Because that's ridiculous."

"I can neither confirm nor deny," you say, "I think we should have a conference at the usual place, and you should be very wary. By the way, you ever heard about making rat soup?"

"Not really," Kelly says, "can't say I've ever had any. Well, that I know of."

"They say it only gets good when you throw a lizard in too, and you've soaked a couple marines in it."

Then you cut the call.

W's next. He picks up after half a ring.

"So I hear a friend of yours wants a field trip," you say.

"Dammit, Earl," W says, "I didn't think he'd contact you that fast."

"Fast is better than never," you say, "and that's what we're playing with. So I'm inclined to say publishing those papers, or distributing them to every magician you have a contact with would be good to do right now."

"Very different tune than you were singing earlier," W says.

"Very different situation," you say, "we are going to war. Did you watch the TV today? Any hope of stealth is gone! Our worst case scenario is that the rats cut all their girls. We're grabbing everyone we can to prevent that, and that includes wizards!"

"And what makes you think we wouldn't do even worse to them?" W yells at you through the phone, "you know I'm not Gandalf, Kelly isn't exactly Merlin, and what do think is going to happen if we unleash what I know about this? I thought about it a bit after we had the knock-down-drag-out about it. A bunch of wizards freeing magical girls from the rats, perhaps, but probably with the condition of enslaving the girls to themselves? How's that any better?"

>Speaking of people who've changed their tune, brother
>The rats are trying to crash the universe. We can at least try to deal with earth's problems
>We may have a goddess that can forcibly take those girls out of their hands after we do this
>They get cut by the rats tonight, they become like my sister. If they get grabbed by wizards, we still have a chance
>And yet, you told Earl. Seems like there are some you can trust
>WRITE IN

>>3326834
>>Speaking of people who've changed their tune, brother
>>The rats are trying to crash the universe. We can at least try to deal with earth's problems
>>We may have a goddess that can forcibly take those girls out of their hands after we do this

>>3326834
>The rats are trying to crash the universe. We can at least try to deal with earth's problems
>We may have a goddess that can forcibly take those girls out of their hands after we do this
>They get cut by the rats tonight, they become like my sister. If they get grabbed by wizards, we still have a chance

>>3326834
>>The rats are trying to crash the universe. We can at least try to deal with earth's problems
>>We may have a goddess that can forcibly take those girls out of their hands after we do this
>>They get cut by the rats tonight, they become like my sister. If they get grabbed by wizards, we still have a chance

>>3326834
Are those idiots strong enough to take on a pissed off Mary and my sister in a fight at the same time at minimum? Artemis is also currently on the warpath about this rat situation. I'll do the accounting if the rats kept records to track them all down.

>>3326834
>>Speaking of people who've changed their tune, brother
>>And yet, you told Earl. Seems like there are some you can trust

>>3326834
>The rats are trying to crash the universe. We can at least try to deal with earth's problems
>We may have a goddess that can forcibly take those girls out of their hands after we do this
Hey we are about to crash the guys with access to a lot more cosmic clout then any two or three bit wizard. Any of those guys who thinks they wan't to tangle with an ornery dad with a shotgun is welcome to try it.

>>3326834
>We may have a goddess that can forcibly take those girls out of their hands after we do this

> Also, they have the chance of being able to write some amazing papers and gain first hand experience with a confluence of supernatural beings. Who are also already on board with me, and include several Gods and Big Damn Heroes. So any attempt to snipe magical girls could easily turn into "well, we're all here anyways, might as well crush these other bastards".

> Not to mention it would earn my undying enmity and determination to personally go after them.

>>3326946
>>3326870
Heroes + Gods > Wizards.

Maybe they could take advantage of them when they were unaware or unconcerned, but this is a limelight issue and ain't nobody gonna stand by and let that happen when it's right in front of their face. Not to mention that nobody seems to really like wizards that much, and the excuse to take some of them out will be pretty tempting if they try to fuck around.


If necessary, W can remind the wizards that the best opportunities will lie elsewhere while the Gods and such are dealing with this issue. Time to break into wherever and steal whatever, or make up front deals for other things.

>>3326834
We may have a goddess that can forcibly take those girls out of their hands after we do this
>

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>>3326834
You sigh.

"I hate having to say this," you say, "but I think it's still better. The rats are trying, to the best of our knowledge, to crash the entire universe. And if they cut the girls tonight, they'll turn out like Ellie, no, my sister's the best-case scenario - it'll be worse, and it took her thirty years. I take it you made a breakthrough?"

"I didn't make it all the way," W says, "but I think I've paved the road to transferring the contract to anyone or anything that can supply magic."

"We have a goddess that can forcibly destroy those contracts," you say, and then go for the gut shot, "like she did with your daughter."

Rachel and Mary have been the first ones to really escape. Unless you're counting Ellie. Perhaps that was a real escape for her.

"And she's in servitude to a flighty and vindictive goddess who was tricked into declaring you her high priest!" W screams at you over the phone.

He got into this because of his daughter, didn't he?

"We've got another one," you say, "ever heard of Artemis or Diana? I hear she goes by both. And she's MAD about this whole 'virgin huntresses being enslaved' thing. I bet she'd be just as mad about wizards doing it."

"You've changed your tune, brother," you say, "I thought you would want to write a paper about everything - whether a magical girl could contract with a wizard or not. And how it could be done."

"I may have," W says, "considering that both Mary and I are your sworn siblings. So I am equal with Mary. I don't say this for my daughter, I say this for every magical girl across the world!"

"And I will say I've always respected you, brother," you tell him, "ever since I saw you harvesting a demon for your daughter. And I also say that this is the best way forward: Every single magical girl the wizards strip off the rats is one more that doesn't go out tonight! We can deals with those wizards, and the gods, after we've sewn this up."

There's a very long pause.

"Well," you hear, with the sound of a keyboard stroke, "here we go. And I hope you're right. Usual place tonight?"

"Yes," you tell him.

>Call home
>Tell Bernie you're taking the day off
>Find Lucy
>Try reassuring the employees
>WRITE IN

>>3327058
>Try reassuring the employees

>>3327058
>>Call home
>Try reassuring the employees

>>3327058
>Find Lucy

Sympathy for the Devil? Nah, just basic empathy and being willing to give him a chance. After all, our sister IS a Demon and not shot, it's not like he has to be the worst devil just because his dad called him one. It isn't easy to fight your nature, but it's not impossible.

And if you do fuck up and revert, you just make amends and do better next time.

> still waiting for that demoness fron the beginning to randomly show up again.

>>3327058
>>Call home
>>Tell Bernie you're taking the day off
>>Find Lucy
>>Try reassuring the employees
Probably in that order.

>>3327058
"And I'm honestly glad to hear you say what you've said," you say, "I admit, sometimes, I've wondered if you saw all as lab rats."

"Sometimes I wonder if I see myself as a lab rat, and just hope I don't see my family that way, and nobody else catches on, " W says, then hangs up

What can you even solve by a grand climactic battle? Rachel probably still wants to kill her sister, W's still a lackadaisical father, well, you are too, and it seems like Alice has just given up the fight.

Maybe Jean and Sue made some progress, but you're pretty sure Sue would have selfdesructed even if magic wasn't in the picture.

Double for Karen - her dad seems like a tool.

Kelly knows how to handle a gun better than a child. And he adopted one!

Harriet got emancipated (with a bribe), and you're pretty sure Mary just ran away from home.

Really, would any of this get better if you all charged in guns blazing and killed the Rat God? Could it?

Well, you've Alea'd The Jacta pretty hard now. Hopefully things will be better all over the world.

And maybe the world itself won't end.

Right now, you just need to get things better in the office, so you stride toward the cubicles. You'd like to reassure the employees a little.

...That dream vanishes at the first aisle you come to, where one "what the fuck?" blossoms into twenty, then people start popping their heads above the cubes.

Then you look down at your shirt. It's smeared with blood. Ace's. But after that announcement...

"I'm fine!" you tell them, momentarily flaring your borrowed supernatural power, as if on instinct, "I was just helping a guy who got caught by one of the windows. Please wait until the security forces show up. If you're away from the windows, you should be ok."

"WHO THE HELL ARE WE DOING BUSINESS WITH?" someone under a desk yells at you.

Then the building's speaker system goes off: "get away from the windows," it says, in Heinrich's clipped tones, "this is not a drill. Lock or shutdown your machines and head for the elevators or the stairs. Security personnel have secured the lobby and the parking garage. I repeat, this is not a drill."

"You're working for ME!" Bernie says, striding in with supernatural pressure nearly roiling off of him, "you heard the man - get out. A full week of PTO. And the captain always goes down with his ship."

In the confusion, Frank somehow swims up to you like a salmon against the tide.

"What the hell is going on here?" he asks, "and why are you covered in blood?"

>Frank, get out, before you get further in
>Bernie, is this guy exempt from EVAC?
>Let me help you down the stairs, Frank
>In for a penny, in for a pound
>WRITE IN

>>3327236
>In for a penny, in for a pounding

>>3327236
>In for a penny, in for a pound

>>3327236
>>Bernie, is this guy exempt from EVAC?
If yes,
>>Frank, get out, before you get further in
If no,
>>In for a penny, in for a pound

>>3327246
wait, shit that should be reversed

>>3327236
>>Bernie, is this guy exempt from EVAC?
If yes,
>>In for a penny, in for a pound
If no,
>>Frank, get out, before you get further in
>He's a god damn dragon, and you walked into a war between magical super powers because some fuckers seem to be trying to destroy all for everything. As for the blood? He's a dragon, probably happened cause he did dragony things.

>>3327264
This, plus grabbing that guy under the desk.

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>>3327236
"Good reasons," you tell him, then turn to face the dragon.

"Bernie," you ask him, "is this guy an 'exempt employee'? As in, 'exempt from EVAC'?"

"That's up to you, Frank," the dragon says, staring past you, "A week of PTO, or until this blows over, even though your guys didn't finish what I asked. My hand was forced - it's not your fault."

"Frankly," Frank says, with a mad grin on his face, "the biggest bonus I get from this company is not having to deal with my wife for ten hours of the day. Since you're still here, despite all the 'going down with the ship' talk, I'm guessing it's not really that bad."

"Frank," you whisper, "get out before you get further in. I'm not joking. This is not something you want to get involved with."

"I admit," Frank says, stepping forward, "I'm actually kind of curious about what could make you break the trust we've established with various clients, Bernie."

"WE'RE AT WAR, FRANK!" the dragon bellows at him, and you feel the supernatural pressure flare. Frank has to steady himself against a cubicle wall to stay standing, and he almost buckles.

And that's nothing like what Bernie's tried on you.

"Who are we at war with?" Frank manages to ask, "is it the Russian mob?"

"You fucking wish," Reynold says, with all the triumph of a man getting back at an old boss he hated, and you could swear you see Frank's eye twitch.

"In for a penny," you say, "in for a pounding. I'm sorry, Frank."

"Primarily," Bernie says, grinning as he walks toward Frank, "magic rats who're trying to destroy the universe, their agents here on earth, demonic elements on earth, whatever's left in Heaven, and probably half our allies - which happen to be mostly gods right now. By the way," he finishes, gesturing at you, "this man's shirt was Jackson Pollock'd with blood courtesy of the US Government. Do you see why I'm trying to get everything we possibly can on everyone we possibly have?"

"Sounds like my retirement plan of blackmailing everyone and running won't go so hot if the world ends," Frank says, then looks at you, then Reynold, and back at you, "damn! didn't realize special accounts was like this! Bernie, let me get you the file."

"Do that," the dragon tells him, "oh, and someone keep an eye on him," he finishes, and a shadow flits after Frank.

>You listed a few too many things there
>Really think our allies will turn on us?
>Why'd you grab Frank in?
>The Hell was that shadow?
>Bernie, I'm taking off for the day
>WRITE IN

>>3327315
>>Why'd you grab Frank in?
>The Hell was that shadow?

>>3327315
>Why'd you grab Frank in?
>Really think our allies will turn on us?
>Frank, you said you worked with the Cartels, right? See if you can go higher up to speak with the Mayan pantheon. Chances are they'll be fairly pissed the rodents are fucking with their afterlife.

>>3327315
backing this >>3327328

>>3327315
supportan >>3327328

>>3327328
Back this
>>3327315
Okay, so quick question, we resist Bernie's Aura pretty well, at least now, in the beginning I am sure he pulled his punches and stuff. The question is, how does our full-flared borrowed supernatural pressure fare against Jormungandr? I mean, no beating around the bush here, I am just wondering for dick measuring reasons. Not planning on letting this influence any events or meta-gaming since that wouldnt fit the character. I mean, we have a ruler of Hell, a Goddess, at least three mages (two of whom are arguably rather strong), a Kitsune, a Hanyou, several magical girls, a couple more less intimately inter-twined Kitsune, a legion of demons by proxy, another major demon, Freebles, and at this point more magical girls than I care to count, feeding their runoff into us. Possibly some minor blessings/bonuses from having at least two deities tentatively claim us as their descendants (plus whatver Uncle Sam is putting out for the marine corp vets). Oh and any legends that are still circulating about the Shotgun Shogun.

What I am asking is, how does all of our borrowed power pooled together make us measure up against Bernie? I am pretty sure Dionysus still outdoes us as well as most other gods, but just getting a "Who can crush who with a glare" chart set up would be cool, mostly just for fan wanking.

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>>3327315
"Frank," you say, before he manages to leave earshot, "you said you worked with the cartels on some accounting, right?"

Alright, you got him to turn around, but holy shit - that 'shadow' is clinging to the ceiling tiles above him, and yeah, that's a nekomata, if you don't miss your guess. Probably the same one you saw with Bernie's mob at that ill-fated dinner, before this spiralled into a struggle for the universe.

"Ask them if they have a - what's the word? Curandero?" you ask, "look, I'm not an expert, but anyone they think can get in touch with the Mayan/Aztec/etcetera gods, or even the syncretistic half-Catholic versions. We'd like to warn them, and maybe get them on our side."

That's the moment you KNOW you've been spending too much time with wizards and trying to figure out the world they live in.

"I'm getting the data for Bernie first," Frank says, "but I'll try making some calls."

"Grab the data and then make ALL those calls," Bernie says, with a bit of an edge on it, then looks at you, "that's actually a really good idea," the he waves his arm at Frank, "NOW!"

Frank hares off toward his office, with the two-tailed cat following him on the ceiling.

Once you're sure he's out of earshot you ask, "why Frank?"

"Because he does money laundering for most of our potentially organized crime clients," Bernie admits, "and we are about to need muscle. Hopefully on a favor-for-favor basis, but a backup option or a little extra leverage is always good."

"Wish we'd had that during the Fourth Crusade," Heinrich says, coming up behind you, "might have managed to make it a little less of a shitshow."

"Is everyone gone?" Bernie asks him.

"It was a textbook perfect evacuation," Heinrich says, "and we're pulling our forces out to their neighborhoods, while keeping an eye on the routes they take home. There's a backup force here in the city center. We should be fine."

"Bernie," you say, "do you really think our allies will turn on us?"

"Obviously," the dragon says, "or turn on each other. Think about it. How many factions did we just manage to mobilize? And it was too easy. Do you think they'll stop at taking out rats? Or will they plough on and start settling old scores? Hell, some of them are only joining in so they can use the chaos as an excuse to further their own agendas."

>I thought you said you weren't trying to end the world
>So that's the real reason you said an 'Op Center' would be a bad idea
>I'm afraid I'm taking the week off like everyone else
>So are you telling me to abandon ship before the Norse gods come to kill you?
>WRITE IN

>>3327376
>So that's the real reason you said an 'Op Center' would be a bad idea
>So are you telling me to abandon ship before the Norse gods come to kill you?

>>3327376
>So that's the real reason you said an 'Op Center' would be a bad idea
>So are you telling me to abandon ship before the Norse gods come to kill you?
>God I could use a smoke.

>>3327376
>So that's the real reason you said an 'Op Center' would be a bad idea
>So are you telling me to abandon ship before the Norse gods come to kill you?
>(pull out a bottle of bourbon and some glasses from desk) Reprimand me for this next week, okay?

>>3327376
>>So that's the real reason you said an 'Op Center' would be a bad idea
>>So are you telling me to abandon ship before the Norse gods come to kill you?

>>3327376
>So are you telling me to abandon ship before the Norse gods come to kill you?
>WRITE IN

> Well, if you need a place to hide out, I can hook you up with several options. I'm not challenging anyone to duels, though. Didn't work well last time.

>>3327374
>we resist Bernie's Aura pretty well, at least now, in the beginning I am sure he pulled his punches and stuff
The MC seems to be very naturally resistant to that sort of thing from the beginning of the quest. I'm not sure if that's just him, or the fact that he had a marriage 'contract' with Liska, but the guy lived with a seven-ish tailed fox wife for nearly twenty years and didn't get flattened. Didn't even notice anything. Maybe he just built up a resistance? As married life goes, I assume Liska got mad enough to let it loose at least a few times.
>a "Who can crush who with a glare" chart set up would be cool, mostly just for fan wanking.
I'll take it under advisement for the next version of the character sheet.

>>3327376
>>I thought you said you weren't trying to end the world
So, are we gonna have a conference call with Quetzalcoalt, Chaac and the Virgin Mary?

>>3327432
Would him being a marine potentially give him some sort of mystical defense against dragons on its own. I mean elite warriors and knights in shining armor are the go to dragon slayers in the tales.

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>>3327376
"So that's the real reason you didn't want an 'Op Center'," you say.

"That and the fact that series wasn't even mostly written by Clancy," Bernie says, "didn't want to give legitimacy to it."

"We're a little past the point for jokes, Bernie," Heinrich says, "you're no better than them if you can't say it straight."

"I already said it straight," Bernie says, "and I'm no better than them anyway - I'm in this for my own goals. I want to see something interesting - something that makes me think this world isn't worth destroying."

"You're still not being straight," you say, "you sound like a kid poking an ant mound with a stick offering aid to a certain faction of ants because he thinks they're interesting. Then putting his word on the line for it."

Bernie laughs, the sharp laughter of stress.

"That is a bit of a contradiction," he says, "yes."

"And you're deploying your preternatural forces to defend every member of the firm at home?" you ask, "although you know that they all live in our faction's areas? I do have to thank you, because we simply don't have the man/woman/boy/girl/angel/youkai/etc.power to cover the whole city ourselves."

"Look," Bernie says, "do you have a point?"

"But with certain factors," you say, "and Rick's legion, I could easily capture your entire force with that deployment. I see three main possibilities."

"Get to it," Bernie says.

"You trust me implicitly," you say, "you plan on holding me hostage (that's nearly laughable at this point), or you are planning to die here, in a mausoleum of concrete, glass, and steel. Bernie," you continue, "are you telling me to abandon ship before the Norse gods come to kill you?"

That look into Bernie's slitted eyes is longer than any other single moment you can remember. It feels like millenia, not like the malice of a dragon.

"If you need a place to hide-"

"Hey!" Dionysus yells, breaking it, "guess what I found in a desk?" he asks, holding aloft a bottle of Old Crow. Lucy's following behind him, with Reynold bringing up the rear.

"You see my point about using this to achieve their own goals," Bernie tells you, then spins and snatches the bottle from Dionysus, and slams something like three shots.

"Who was hiding that?" you ask Dionysus.

>Might as well join in, and ask [WRITE IN] [WRITE IN]
>I'm afraid I need to grab my folks and head home - we have a war to fight
>Bernie, you said I could call them, even though you that this?
>It's ridiculous for a man to say this to a dragon, but I would be honored to protect you
>WRITE IN

>>3327479
>Bernie, are you just trying to prove a point?
>I’m afraid I need to grab my folks and go home. Remember your sister wants to see you when this is over

>>3327455
Oh.. Deer...Uncle Sam..
We are the Saint George protocal everyone has been talking about...

>>3327479
>>It's ridiculous for a man to say this to a dragon, but I would be honored to protect you, but I'm afraid I need to grab my folks and head home - we have a war to fight

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I'm out for the night. Hope you folks enjoyed the thread, although it was slow.

Twitter (for runtimes): https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
Archive: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Shotgun

>>3327495
>We are the Saint George protocol everyone has been talking about...
That's just a euphemistic way of referring to killing a dragon, same as the Osiris Protocol is a particular method for killing a god by chopping them into pieces and burying the pieces separately, and the Helsing Protocol is the standard stake method for dispatching vampires (Kelly prefers flamethrowers or thermite, and Rick likes stringing them up somewhere the rising sun inches up them and burns them by degrees).

>>3327479
>Might as well join in, and ask [WRITE IN] [WRITE IN]
>It's ridiculous for a man to say this to a dragon, but I would be honored to protect you
"Bernie, you have let me build what I am sure you see as my little empire. You have been my boss for years, and never tried to eat me. I know it might not mean much to you, coming from a mortal like me, but I don't want to see you die. Hell, I almost consider you the closest thing I have to a friend besides my old Marines buddy. The booze might be getting to me, but what I am trying to say is there is more than one ship going into battle here, with more than one captain. If I see your ship going down I am happy to fire my broadsides for you, ya know. Even if we have to re-write some prophecies and mythologies to do it."

Something like that, but better written because I am actually intoxicated.

Also we have to add "No Homo" at some point depending on how drunk we are, maybe not if we are sober.

>>3327479
>>I'm afraid I need to grab my folks and head home - we have a war to fight

>>3327479
>>I'm afraid I need to grab my folks and head home - we have a war to fight

>>3327522
>>3327516
This sounds like a slightly buzzed speech but I'll support it.

>>3327479
>I'm afraid I need to grab my folks and head home - we have a war to fight

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>>3327479
"Hell if I know whose desk it was," Dionysus says, "I'm just good at finding booze. And dragons are good at stealing valuable things," he says, glaring at Bernie.

"Hell, have it back," the dragon says, tossing him the bottle. Dionysus catches it and swigs in one fluid motion, before chuckling it at you.

You almost fumbled it, but managed to keep a grip on in and down something like a shot yourself.

"You know, Bernie," you say, staring at the dragon while you pass the bottle to Heinrich, "it's ridiculous for a man to say this to a dragon, but I'd be honored to protect you. You don't really seem like that bad of a guy. Sure, you can be a bit of a rough boss to work for, but you've been fair and haven't eaten me or anyone I know about - at least while I've been working with you. And you let me build what you seem to see as a little empire under your scaled wing. I'd prefer to not see you die. Let me know if any of the other ships in our little fleet start coming in on you, and I'm down to fire a couple broadsides at them."

The dragon laughs. "Don't get condescending," he says, "you know, I wish humans like you two," he continues, looking at you and Heinrich over your shoulder, "came along a bit more frequently."

"Can't speak for the knight," you say, "but I'm not anything special - you just have to look a bit harder. Even you said most of humanity has some divine descent by now. But I'm afraid I've got to grab my folks and go home. We've got a war to fight."

"Don't we all," Bernie says, "well, we've already made the news, so let's see how much more news we can make."

"Let's write a better ending than Sæmundr and Snorri," you say, then walk past him and say, "after all, we've both got family who care about us."

"Reynold, you in with me?" you ask the hapless spy behind Bernie.

"You know who I'm with," Reynold says, with a bit of backbone, "but I think we're all on the same side for now. I'm staying here for the moment."

"Wouldn't blame you two if you hopped in a two-seater and lit out for the middle of nowhere," you tell him in passing, "but could you help out Ace? He's in the janitorial closet, and can't be in the same room with Lucy. I think Superfly's sending someone to pick him up."

"I'm sure being in the same room with me builds character," Lucifer says, "from the end of the row of cubes, "so we're getting out now?"

[1/2]

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>>3334235
[2/2]

"Yeah," you say, "let's hit the elevators."

The music is bland and fairly awful. Standard elevator stuff. "I think that all could have gone worse," Lucifer opines, and you grunt.

But the scene in the lobby is absurd.

First off, you shouldn't have stopped at the lobby floor anyway - you wanted the basement parking garage. Second, there's a minotaur standing in front of the opening elevator doors.

Behind him, you can see 'Mach', a man you don't recognize, and a few of the things that go bump in the night having a three-way argument on the marble tiles. Not really what you're used to seeing down here - it's usually people in suits rushing in and out like rivulets.

"I know he's here," Mach yells at something that looks like it walked out of a folktale encyclopedia, and wrangled its way into a cheap suit, "and I'm going to get him out! Like I said - white hair, bad fashion sense, sounds creepy a quarter of the time, and occasionally has wings!"

"Miss," the thing says, "as I said before, this building has been evacuated, and only senior management are still on site..." as it glances around nervously, then it sees you, "ah!" it says, "here's one of them now. He might know where that guy is."

"Looks like we've got a little more trouble to deal with before we can leave," you tell Lucy, striding out of the elevator past the minotaur, then you mutter, "say hi to Angus for me" at the wall of beef.

"Yessir," he tells you.

"Right," you say, stalking across the lobby, "what's going on here?"

Then you realize Mach is looking over your shoulder at Lucifer with her mouth gaping open.

"Did you get a final form or something?" she asks.

"I'm not the droid you're looking for," he says with what sounds like a shrug, "he's recovering upstairs. And he's probably got another three or four forms to go through until he gets there."

"So he is here," Mach says, a couple of sparks crackling from her head.

"I'll explain a bit," you tell her, "if you can keep your hair on."

Given the way the static's playing with her bangs, that's all too literal.

"He's in a closet upstairs," you say, "I told Reynold to look out for him and that you'd be coming to pick him up. Ace can't be in the same room with this guy - they're too similar, or something. We found that out the hard way. Hey, you at the desk," you tell the monster (is it a Chupacabra? You can seen spines poking through the back of its suit), "dial Bernie's office and tell them to have Reynold get Ace down to the lobby - his girlfriend's here to pick him up."

Ok, that's a fun look to get from someone who can ram kilowatts of power into you.

But entirely worth it.

>Sorry, my tongue slipped
>Who's this other guy? Another one of your unit?
>Security forces, how's the securing thing going?
>By the way, dude in the suit, are you actually a Chupacabra?
>WRITE IN

>>3334241
>>Who's this other guy? Another one of your unit?
>>I'll apologize if you tell me I'm wrong otherwise I'm going to get my laughs in when I can.

>>3334241
>Security forces, how's the securing thing going?

>>3334241
>Security forces, how's the securing thing going?
>By the way, dude in the suit, are you actually a Chupacabra?

>>3334241
>Who's this other guy? Another one of your unit?
>Security forces, how's the securing thing going?

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>>3334263
"His whatnow?" Mach says.

"Well," Lucy says, "if you're not yet, you've got a slim window of opportunity, if you're interested. Everyone in this building will probably be dead in twenty four hours."

"That how you got Eve to eat the apple?" you ask Lucy over your shoulder.

"Same theory," Lucy says, "and you made the joke first."

"It was a joke," you say, "we aren't here for some teenage romcom bullshit - we're about to have a war! Security forces, how's the securing going?"

"We've confirmed the evacuation of everyone but executive leadership and the Special Accounts guys," a walking slab of beefsteak rumbles from behind you, "the building is secured, although we have a 'Heinrich', a 'D. Onassis', and a 'scruffy priest' who haven't checked out on the guest list yet. Since one of them is a client, we were about to sweep for him."

"He's with Bernie," you tell the minotaur, as the Chupacabra dials hesitantly with its claws, "don't bother. He'll leave when he feels like it. And you know who the other two are."

"Bernie did tell us that your word was as good as his if he wasn't on the scene," the minotaur says, "Angus said you forced him to a standstill once - did that really happen?"

"Heinrich?" the Chupacabra says into the phone, "lobby here. There's a girl here who wants 'Ace', and the Special Accounts director said 'Reynold' was supposed to bring him down for her? Oh, wonderful! you already knew about it!"

"Sorry we were arguing about it," the Chupacabra tells Mach after hanging up, "things have been very hectic here. They say they'll be right down."

"Thanks," Mach tells the monster.

"It wasn't me," you tell the minotaur, "I had a lot of backup. By the way," you say, looking at Mach, "who's the other guy? Part of your unit?"

"No," she says, "we just met here. Didn't catch your name," she says to the big guy. He looks like he could have walked out of a designer fashion ad or maybe a propaganda poster for pure Aryanism.

"I'm Sig," he tells her, then looks at you, "I think I might have run into you before? Bumped into you on a street by a bar or something?"

"I can't remember," you say, "I'd probably have been blackout. Are you here to open an account with our firm?"

>Because I'm afraid we're closed for business
>Or were you here on other business?
>Fafnir's dead. Please don't keep going
>Let me explain the situation here
>WRITE IN

>>3334600
>Or were you here on other business?

>>3334600
>Fafnir's dead. Please don't keep going
>Let me explain the situation here

Give him the rundown quick, starting from "Sphere Crash".

>>3334600
>>Fafnir's dead. Please don't keep going
>>And if you want to keep on trying then I've got more then enough firepower in this city to take you down before you take down Bernie. 'Invulnerable Skin' or not.

>>3334600
>Fafnir's dead. Please don't keep going
>Let me explain the situation here

>>3334600

>Because I'm afraid we're closed for business

>>3334600
>>Or were you here on other business?
>>Fafnir's dead. Please don't keep going

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>>3334600
"I'm actually here on personal business," Sig says, "with Bernhard."

"Personal enough that you're trying to force your way into an evacuated building on lockdown?" you ask.

"I don't know who you are," Sig says, "but you look like the sort of man that understands it's the personal business that gets people to do things like that. And I could wipe any of you one-on-one. Actually, I might be able to take you all at once."

"Ok," you sigh, "what's your full name?"

"Siegfried," he says.

"Fafnir's dead," you tell him, "and please don't keep going. I'm guessing you woke up in an opera house doing Wagner's Ring Cycle?"

It's a vague memory from that first big dinner your crew had with Bernie's group, but Kelly, Iris, Bernie, and Heinrich all remembered the night that opera house went up in flames, and Bernie had a reaction to Siegfried possibly being active afterward.

"How'd you know that?" the resurrected dragonslayer asks.

"I heard a few stories about that night at the opera," you say, "I also heard Bernie killed and ate Fafnir in the alley out back."

"Would you believe me if I said I was actually here to thank him for finishing my revenge?" Siegfried asks, "and it has taken a long time to track him down. Well, and adjust to the modern world. This place is nuts."

"You can say that again," the devil over your shoulder intones.

"Considering that you happened to complete it today of all days," you say, "no. I really don't buy that. If you haven't noticed, we're in the middle of an emergency situation. You want the rundown? The reason I think Germanic mythology's most famous dragonslayer showing up here right now isn't a coincidence?"

"Yeah," Siegfried says, "lay it on me, as the 21st century kids say."

"Magic rats are trying to crash the universe using energy enslaved magical girls harvested from demons," you begin, and then give him (and Mach, and the Chupacabra and the minotaur) the full spiel.

"...and we just grabbed in everyone we could to oppose that," you say, "but they all have their own objectives, and I got off the phone with the Norse gods half an hour ago - then you show up on Bernie's doorstep? Where did you get the information he was here?"

"So that's why I suddenly got a final clue," Siegfried say, "anonymously. About fifteen minutes ago. I really wanted to just thank him, but - wow, I almost got used as a pawn. I need to get out of here."

"So do we," Lucy reminds you, "I can't be in this lobby when Ace comes in, or he'll achieve another level of cultivation."

>Fine, I've got room in my car for both of you - Want to jump in?
>I wish you luck, Siegfried
>I think the girl next to you may have an entertaining job opportunity, Sig
>If you're bullshitting us, we're about to wreck you
>WRITE IN

>>3334911
>Fine, I've got room in my car for both of you - Want to jump in?

>>3334911
>I think the girl next to you may have an entertaining job opportunity, Sig
>Fine, I've got room in my car for both of you - Want to jump in?

>>3334911
>>Fine, I've got room in my car for both of you - Want to jump in?
>>If you're bullshitting us, we're about to wreck you.

>>3334911
>>Fine, I've got room in my car for both of you - Want to jump in?
>>If you're bullshitting us, we're about to wreck you.

>>3334911
>>I think the girl next to you may have an entertaining job opportunity, Sig
Our crew is big enough as it is.

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>>3334911
"Fine," you say, "I've got room in the car for both of you - want to jump in? Although I think the girl next to you might have an entertaining job opportunity."

"I'm just here to retrieve Ace," Mach says, then looks up at Sig, "but do you have a phone number? We might have an opening after this all blows over."

"Sure," Sig says, then turns to the chupacabra, "do you have a pen and paper?"

The - you're not really sure what he is (or even if it's a 'he') gets them for the guy, and in seconds he's given Mach one of you firm's business cards with a phone number scrawled on the back.

"Lemme text you to make sure it's right," Mach says, then Sig's pocket buzzes. He pulls his phone out and says "yeah, you got it."

"Call if you're in trouble, call if you're in doubt, call if you're being assaulted by some drunken lout," Sig tells her over his shoulder, walking toward you, and you hear the buzz and crackle of electricity from behind him, "so where are we going?"

You step back into the elevator and punch in for the underground parking garage.

"I'm not saying this as a threat," you say over the elevator music, "I'm saying this as a promise: If you're bullshitting us, we're going to wreck you."

"Well," Sig says, "given the situation, I'm not that offended. But I'm not bullshitting you."

"And where are we going?" he asks on the way to your car, over well-shod feet beating on concrete.

"You'll see," Lucy tells him, as you unlock the car and everyone piles in.

"Home," you tell the dragonslayer.

"It's a silly place," Lucy says, "like Camelot."

...Lucy really needs to be Clockwork Orange'd through everything Monty Python did.

Luckily it's barely noon, and you have a pretty clear shot back to your house.

>Ask Siegfried to call Mach and ensure she managed to get Ace
>Give Siegfried Bernie's number and say he can thank the dragon on the phone
>Ask Siegfried what the Hell he's been doing since he got in
>Call Liska and tell her that you're coming home early, so her lover'd better be out of the house fast
>WRITE IN

>>3335112
>>Give Siegfried Bernie's number and say he can thank the dragon on the phone

>>3335112
>Give Siegfried Bernie's number and say he can thank the dragon on the phone

>>3335112
>>Give Siegfried Bernie's number and say he can thank the dragon on the phone

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>>3335112
"Look," you say, maneuvering your car onto the nearly-clear freeway, "if you were serious about thanking Bernie - I have his number."

"There are some things that just have to be done in person," Sig says, "but sure, what is it?"

You pull your phone out of you pocket, unlock it, then toss it to Lucy.

"Read him the number," you say. The OG fallen angel does it, then hands the phone back to you.

"Well here goes nothing," Sig says, putting his own phone up to his ear, "Hello? Bernhard?"

"I showed up at your office today to thank you for a favor," he says, "didn't realize it was shut down."

"Oh, finally killing Fafnir, of course," Siegfried says, "I thought I'd finished him, but apparently he survived somehow."

"Ah, yeah, I didn't introduce myself," he says, "I'm Siegfried. I came out for the opera one night, and then I heard what you did, and I've been trying to find you to thank you."

"I said 'thank you', not 'shank you'!" Siegfried says, "look, I don't have a quarrel with you, and I'm glad to hear you sewed up my loose ends. Actually, someone recommended I call instead of trying to see you in person. I think they were right."

"Yeah, it was-" then Siegfried asks, "what was your name again?" and you tell him, then he tells Bernie.

"I'm in his car right now," the dragonslayer continues.

"He said to tell you something about heroes being naturally magnetic," Siegfried tells you.

"He would," you say, changing lanes.

"And apparently Ace made it out of the building with that girl and a guy named Reynold," Siegfried says.

"Wonderful," you tell him.

"Hang on you're WHAT?!?" Siegfried yells into his phone, then falls silent for a bit, "and you expect me to believe you don't want to end the world?"

"I feel like a badly-used pawn," he says, "heh. So that's the game someone tried playing. If you were going to end everything, you would have done it before now. And someone sent me after you, despite the fact that Thor's supposed to kill you."

Then he hangs up.

"That sounded interesting," Lucy says.

"It was," Siegfried tells him.

>You may want to get in touch with some guys out from under their rocks
>I happen to know of a field trip of wizards that might need you
>Before we get home, I'm warning you - don't pet the foxes, and don't let them pet you
>Sounds like you had a fun discussion with Jormungandr
>WRITE IN

>>3335291
>>Before we get home, I'm warning you - don't pet the foxes, and don't let them pet you
>>Also, anyone in my home is off limits, including my Duchess of Hell older sister.

>>3335291
>>3335304
supportan

>>3335291
Backing this >>3335304

>>3335112
>Call Liska and tell her that you're coming home early, so her lover'd better be out of the house fast

>>3335291
>Before we get home, I'm warning you - don't pet the foxes, and don't let them pet you
>>Also, anyone in my home is off limits, including my Duchess of Hell older sister.
>anyway, did i miss anything while everyone had their eyes on England?

>>3335291
>Before we get home, I'm warning you - don't pet the foxes, and don't let them pet you

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>>3335291
"I take it Bernie's been drinking with Dionysus again," you say.

"He was very voluble," Siegfried says, "wait, with that ancient Greek god?"

"At this point," Lucy says, "just assume the answer to any question starting with 'wait' is 'yes', unless it would directly lead to a murderous rampage."

"Yes," you say, proving his point, "by the way, since it looks like I'm taking you home, there are a few house rules."

"As a guest, I'll heed them," Siegfried says.

"And as a host," you say, "I'll respect guest right. First off: don't pet the foxes. Don't let them pet you."

"I'm not sure I get it," Siegfried says, "and who keeps foxes as pets?"

"His wife's a kitsune," Lucy says, "and his daughter's a hanyou - half of one. They're fox spirits or something from the farthest East. And shapeshifters that prefer a mostly-human form."

"Also," you continue, "everyone in my home is completely off-limits. Including my Duchess-of-Hell sister. Yeah, the Christian Hell."

"Only Gudrun and Brunhild are in my heart," Siegfried says, "have no fear. Also you could have just said they were all off-limits at first!"

"Come on," you say, "I wanted to put my wife, my daughter, my sister, and my sisters in law on a higher pedestal for punishment there! And everyone knows your weak point - that legend's been going around for a while."

"But can they hit it in a battle?" Siegfried asks, and you can see him leaning back in the rearview mirror.

"Yes," you and Lucifer say almost in unison, then Lucy says: "can I give the game away? Because I don't think this guy can take any two of your harem. And I'm not sure he could take some of them 1v1."

At this point, you're so used to jabs you don't even react.

"I'm a monogamous married man, Lucifer," you drawl, "most of them are my sisters or my daughters. And let's not throw down a challenge to a legendary dragonslayer."

That finally gets Siegfried laughing.

"Well," he says, "this should be fun. I take it you're the Christian Devil?" he asks Lucy.

"I'm a bit under the weather right now," Lucy says, as you pull into your driveway, "so I'm not up to Old Scratch."

You park outside, so you don't run the risk of getting glass in your tires.

But what's inside could be a bigger risk. You ring the doorbell.

>Liska answers
>Harriet answers
>Mary answers
>Madison answers
>WRITE IN

>>3335543
>Harriet answers

>>3335543
>Mary answers

>>3335543
>>Harriet answers

>>3335543
>Mary answers

>>3335543
>Liska answers

Eager to see us.

>>3335543
>Mary answers

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>>3335543
The doorbell rings, and you wonder what the worst case scenario is here. Luckily, the house looks ok from the outside.

Then Harriet opens the door. You just hope she's not slammed.

"You guys don't like you're selling girl scout cookies," she says, "so is it boy scout popcorn or just vacuum cleaners?"

"Harriet," you ask her, gesturing at Sig, "you ever seen this guy before?"

"Nope," she says, shooting you a quick glance, "well, come on in and watch the news with us, I guess. And duck to avoid the flying goddess and her minion."

"Flying goddess?" Sig mutters as you all step into the house, and Lucy winks at you.

Then Mary zooms down the hall and does a loop-de-loop in the two-storied living room, before floating more sedately toward the three of you.

Siegfried is utterly gobsmacked, as you pull the door shut behind you, more out of habit than anything else.

"We didn't burn the house down!" Mary says, hovering in front of you, "and you might be in time for lunch. Who's the new guy?"

"Siegfried," he says, "we met by chance. Are you the lady of the house?"

"Definitely not," Mary tells him, "I'm Mary, Goddess of We-Haven't-Figured-It-Out-Yet, and I'm just sort of crashing here like it's my temple. You'll know who his wife is when you see her. She's the blonde with all the tails."

"You're..." Sig says, "you're not like the gods I know."

That seems like the most politic thing he could possibly say.

"Well," Mary says, "I'm new at this whole thing - ascended to goddesshood yesterday. I don't have the whole cryptic pronouncements and 'MORTALS, BOW BEFORE ME!' booming voice stuff down yet. But I was pretty sure you died?"

"Opera resurrected me," Siegfried says.

"Remember the first time we went to dinner with Bernie?" you ask Mary, "and those stories about Siegfried busting out of his coffin onstage during the finale of Wagner's Ring Cycle? This is probably that guy."

"My heart beats as a kettledrum," he says, "my pulse beats as an octobass, my limbs move like the violins, and my sword flashes like the piccolo. Or something like that."

"Damn," Mary says, "just when I thought I was the craziest magical occurrence here."

>You mentioned lunch?
>Where's Liska?
>Someone said something about the news?
>Did any of the wizards show yet?
>Is Melon ok?
>WRITE IN

>>3335733
>Is Melon ok?
>Did any of the wizards show yet?

>>3335733
>>Did any of the wizards show yet?
>>Is Melon ok?

>>3335733
>>Did any of the wizards show yet?
>>Is Melon ok?

>>3335733
>Did any of the wizards show yet?
>Is Melon ok?

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>>3335733
"Is Melon ok?" you ask.

"I have no idea," Mary says, "there's been a giant seven-tailed yellow fox parked in the center of her room or guarding her on restroom expeditions ever since I woke up. We've been leaving offerings of food, glasses of water, and hangover cures outside where the door used to be. By the way, what happened to that door?"

"Liska happened to it," you say with a sigh, "there was a bit of a scare when you ascended last night - everyone in the yarnball 'bit the floor', as an observer put it, and Liska tore the door down while were trying to find everyone and help them recover."

Is that really the most efficient form for the foxes to take?

Actually, have you ever seen Liska in her giant fox form?

You kind of want to find her and pet her.

"Oh," Mary says, "sorry about that."

"Not like you could help it," you tell her, "did any of the wizards show yet?"

"James has been in and out all day, mostly in the backyard," Mary says, "I think he's watching the news with everyone now. Haven't seen the others. Kelly called and told me he was making sure we had enough weapons to stage a revolution in a small South American country. I guess he'll be a while," then she leans in and whisper in your ear, "I think W doesn't want to come back until things are square with Rachel."

...and the only way he can possibly get them square is to meet her face-to-face. A wonderful Catch-22.

"Sorry to invite you over at such a chaotic time," you tell Sig, "our hospitality isn't that great right now. Anything I can get you?"

"Oh," Siegfried says, "I'll be fine with a glass of water and maybe a seat on the couch. What's on the news that everyone's watching it?"

"King Arthur was on the news!" Mary says, "and apparently there are a bunch of people in Asia that came down from mountains and temples and said they'd broken off their training to become gods or something, and they're mixing it up with government forces and supernaturals - someone caught phone footage of one wrecking a tank with a single punch."

Suddenly you remember that call Bernie had in Chinese.

"Taoist cultivators," Lucy says, "let's hope they stay over there - I really don't want to fight those guys again."

>Cultivators? What is this, a xianxia?
>I feel like the news may be fun enough to watch today
>Let me go check on my wife and daughter
>Can you keep Rachel under control? Because we need W
>WRITE IN

>>3335881
>>Let me go check on my wife and daughter
>>Can you keep Rachel under control? Because we need W
>Let me know if there’s anything on the news Mayan or Aztec related. We’re a bit understaffed on gods on this side of the Atlantic, last time I checked.

>>3335881
>let me catch up with my wife and daughter
>turn then news up do I can hear it from her room

>>3335881
>>Let me go check on my wife and daughter
>>Can you keep Rachel under control? Because we need W

>>3335881
QM I got a question, Is the reason we've not been able to call uncle sam or anything like that yet is it because his about to pop off with Super Fly or is something redacted ?

>>3335881
>>3335907

>>3335881
>Let me guess,a monkey king, a pig dude and some shaolin monk?

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I'm out for the night/morning/whatever.

Twitter for the next runtime: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
Archive for the "how the fuck did we get here?" factor: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Shotgun

Yes, apparently Bernie calling up a Chinese dragon (the 'cousin' from last thread) kicked off a chain of events leading to the xianxia protagonists coming out of the woodwork, or off the mountaintops, or out of the sects. Hopefully the MC never crosses paths with them. Qi is a hell of a drug.IIRC, one of the first times dragons came up in this quest, Liska mentioned that many of the Eastern ones decided to take advantage of their immortality to meditate on mountaintops in an attempt to achieve godhood or freedom from the Wheel of Dharma.

>>3335964
Most of the various gods that have shown up with phone numbers in this quest are from mythologies where the gods have multiple legends involving taking physical form (or where they're effectively always in physical form, just not always on earth). Samedi's a bit of an exception, but, as a loa, he's often 'riding' someone who has a phone. 'Uncle Sam', if he exists as a god, would probably be even farther gone than Liska's mother, since he's just sort of the personification of the concept of 'The United States of America', and there's nothing more than second or third hand hearsay to suggest that he actually exists an a specific conscious entity. IIRC, every mention of him in that context is either metaphorical or based on an effect that could also be explained by just how many people have sung The Marines' Hymn with their hearts in it over the years, since human belief/worship seems to be able to create or shape supernatural phenomena to a degree.
>>3336014
Nice one.

>>3335881
>>Let me go check on my wife and daughter

>>3335921
>seconded

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>>3335881
"Did they look like a monkey king, a pig-faced dude, someone like a water buffalo, and a buddhist monk riding a dragon prince like a steed?" you ask.

"No," Harriet says, "he was just a dude."

Lucy laughs, and you look at him.

"Don't ask me," Lucy says, "I don't know any more than you do about the Journey To The West. But I did fight a Taoist once. That sucked, but I won."

From what you got out of cursory research into the occult, he had a three-hundred-year-ish window for that, assuming he's telling the truth, and those guys are supposed to get stronger with age.

"And now I'm lost," Sig says.

"Get used to it," Harriet tells him, "we're pretty far outside what I know. We've got glasses and tap water in the kitchen."

"Can you two please entertain our guests," you say to the magical girl and the... goddess, "and let me check on my wife and daughter?"

"I won't serve the full course of entertainment," Mary says, "but we can help them feel at home."

"Yeah," you say, "that 'homey' feel is exactly what I want. Sorry to leave you guys like this," you continue, looking at the bemused Sig and all-too-understanding Lucy, "but you happened to come at a bad time."

Then you walk from the foyer through the living room (which sounds like it's watching an intense sports match - and they've got the TV turned up pretty loud), and finally stride down a hallway occupied by - holy shit.

That's a giant, seven-tailed golden fox.

It's also your wife.

The first time you've ever seen her in her true form.

"You're home early," Liska growls at you.

>This is not an opportunity to be missed. You must pet her
>Bernie let us off early today - something about a huge-ass war
>So you decided to slip into something more comfortable? Fur looks good on you
>How's Melon?
>Haru really is your brother - that's the same thing he was doing last night
>WRITE IN

>>3341383
>This is not an opportunity to be missed. You must pet her
>Haru really is your brother - that's the same thing he was doing last night
>How's Melon?

>>3341383
>This is not an opportunity to be missed. You must pet her
>Bernie let us off early today - something about a huge-ass war
>How's Melon?

>>3341383
>>This is not an opportunity to be missed. You must pet her
>>Bernie let us off after we kiiiind of started World War 3 and the Norse are probably coming for him. He didn't want anyone in the crossfire.
>>So you decided to slip into something more comfortable? Fur looks good on you
>>How's Melon?

>>3341383
>This is not an opportunity to be missed. You must pet her

>How's Melon?

>Bernie let us off early today - something about a huge-ass war

>>3341383
>This is not an opportunity to be missed. You must pet her
>Bernie let us off early today - Things are starting to move
>How's Melon?
always, always touch fluffy tail

>>3341383
Great. Now MC has to figure out if he's okay fucking his wife in fox form.

I vote for no myself.

>>3341437
as if she'll leave us the choice

>>3341383
>>3341431
support

>>3341383
>>This is not an opportunity to be missed. You must pet her
>>Bernie let us off after we kiiiind of started World War 3 and the Norse are probably coming for him. He didn't want anyone in the crossfire.
>>How's Melon?

>>3341383
You can't miss this opportunity.

In a flash, you're down there on the floor beside her, scratching behind her ears, petting along her flanks.

"Please keep doing that," Liska says, "but don't think it's going to get you out of explaining everything."

"So this is what you really are?" you ask, petting her like a dog, rubbing your fingers against the grain of her hair to get down to the skin.

"Yeah," Liska says, "you fine with that?"

"Has death parted us yet?" you ask, grinning like an idiot, then whisper in her fluffy ear, "you're still who I married, and I'm more worried about you running out on me. Fur looks good on you, too."

"I don't think you could stop me," she says, and you can feel her breathe under your hands, the elastic canine ribcage under her fur.

"That's why I'm worried about you running," you say, "and how's Melon doing?"

"If she wasn't my daughter," Liska says, her face distorted into a snarl, "she'd be dead from what she took - I checked the bottle in the bathroom. And she's still a bit hazy. Probably still in heat. I really don't know "

"I think she did it so she wouldn't do anything stupider," you say, "glad to hear it turned out sort of alright - that stuff'll cycle out with water and time, right?"

"Speaking of time," the giant fox says, manhandling you over onto your back and licking at your face like an overly-affectionate Great Dane, "it's barely noon. What happened? Did you get fired?"

"Bernie dismissed everyone," you say, "after we pulled the trigger on World War Three. I'm sure you're been able to hear the TV - we got some kings in the mountains, some gods, and another crazy wizard to throw in - and that'll just spread. By the way, Sachio's planning on leading out 'The Night Parade Of A Hundred Demons' or something while we go in tonight."

"Goddamnit!" Lisak yells, luckily lifting her muzzle from your ear beforehand, then she looks back down at you as the entrancing woman you've known for years.

"I wish I hadn't gone into heat during this," Liska says, "so, now that I'm out, please give me the full story - I may have missed some parts. That shit's actually worse than any drug."

Then you tell her everything.

"Fuck," she says, after your recital under her, "that's crazy. And I'm not sure I'm sorry about ripping your neck to shreds. That still seems hot."

>There's a closet in this hallway - want to have a go? I'm more down for that when you just have tails
>Everything's coming down to a head tonight, apparently
>Want to call your brothers and tell them they're screwing it up?
>We have a couple of guest - want to play 'lady of the house'?
>WRITE IN

>>3341595
>>There's a closet in this hallway - want to have a go? I'm more down for that when you just have tails
Get cleaned up after, then
>>Everything's coming down to a head tonight, apparently

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>>3341595
I had an odd bug with 4chan where the image couldn't post, so here's the image I meant to post.

>>3341595
>There's a closet in this hallway - want to have a go? I'm more down for that when you just have tails
>Everything's coming down to a head tonight, apparently

>>3341595
>Everything's coming down to a head tonight, apparently.
>There's a closet in this hallway - want to have a go? I'm more down for that when you just have tails.
>(sex happens)
>We have a couple of guest - want to play 'lady of the house'?

>>3341595
>Everything's coming down to a head tonight, apparently.
>We have a couple of guest - want to play 'lady of the house'?

>>3341595
>>Everything's coming down to a head tonight, apparently
>>Want to call your brothers and tell them they're screwing it up?

>>3341595
supporting >>3341621

>>3341595
>Everything's coming down to a head tonight, apparently
>We have a couple of guest - want to play 'lady of the house'?

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>>3341595
"Well," you say, "there's that closet in the hallway - and, I admit, I'm more into it when you just have tails."

"So you aren't just like your sister," Liska says, getting off of you.

"What did she tell you?" you ask, as you pull yourself off of the floor.

"She prefers... the full-bore fox form," Liska says, without a shred of blushing on her cheeks.

"She's a duchess of Hell," you say, "all I want to do when I see you like that is pet you."

"And you're really good at it," Liska says, "you're great with your fingers. Can we do that again when the world's not about to end?"

"If we make it there," you say.

"We need to get at least a few of her friends guarding Melon while we're out," Liska says.

"And I'm GOING this time," Liska tells you, across the darkened bedroom.

"Liska," you say, "this is a terribly high-risk mission. Seems like everything's coming to a head tonight. I don't want her to lose both of us. And I need someone I can trust back here on earth."

"So she gets to just lose you?" Liska asks, "and I have to too?"

"Or she gets to lose both of us," you say, "Hell, you'd probably do a better job of bringing her up than I would."

"Alright," Liska says, grabbing you, and pulling you across the hallway, into the closet, where you're surrounded by board games and old blankets, "the closet sounds good," her words echoing slightly in the enclosed space as you feel her press up against you, then she hisses, "you're the one she needs. Anything I could give her, her aunts and uncles could."

"I should be the one to go in," Liska says, "you're the one that can give Melon a future - I just give her a past."

>Let's shelve this for a bit - we have guests. Want to play 'Lady of the house'?
>We both give her a past - all her aunts and uncles seem to like her
>Are you alright?
>Guess you're really over the 'heat' thing, if that's what you wanted to discuss
>WRITE IN

>>3341793
>We both give her a past - all her aunts and uncles seem to like her
>Are you alright?

is she fucking going land goddess mode now

>>3341793
>We both give her a past - all her aunts and uncles seem to like her
>Are you alright?

> I'm mortal. I'm going to eventually die of old age, but how many more years will she be without either parent if you die?

> I'm squishy, I know, but I'm going out there to protect all our other kids not by fighting in the war, but to keep the mishmash of everyone else from turning it into a giant clusterfuck once the rats are taken of. Or possibly even before then. And as much as I love and care for you, we both know that's something I can't pass off to anyone else.

> I solemnly swear to not 1v1 anyone or thing. Or even expose myself to the fighting of at all possible.

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>>3341793
"We both give her a past," you say, "remember who Ellie is? And out of the two of us, you're the one that can see her on into the future. I won't live that long."

"You'll both have to lose me anyway," you say, pressing the attack, "since I'm a mortal. I'll eventually die of old age. And all her aunts and uncles seem to like her."

"You sound like a suicide," Liska says, grabbing your shoulder in the darkness.

"I'm just a realist!" you say, "you have at least another two hundred years. Melon may have that long. I'm going to die in the next fifty. Really, I should be asking you if you're ok with being with a human."

"I already made that mistake," Liska says, "so I'll double down, double, triple, and slam every card in my hand on it."

"You have any more cards in that hand?" you ask.

"Mostly the fact that I'm not in heat," Liska says, "you're still attractive, but it's not like I feel I have to jump you. It's kinda nice, really. More mellow. And I can actually think."

You're tempted to say 'then think!', but that's probably not the right tack to take with this wind.

"Are you alright?" you ask.

"Yess," Liska hisses in your ear, "I'm fine. I'm better than I was two days ago. Are you alright?"

"I'm not going in to 1v1 the Rat God or a demon lord," you say, "I'm more expendable than you are, but I'm not that stupid. I need to coordinate everyone else who's going in on that. And that's... and, much as I love you both, that's something I have to do myself."

"I don't think you're expendable," Liska says, her hand snaking down your front in the tight closet, "and I will not let you do it yourself. I'm the mother of a magical girl, after all."

>You feel how large my balls are? Sorry, but I have to do this myself
>Then let's do it together
>Is that hand an invitation?
>I want you to be the lady of this house while I'm away - there are a lot of people taking advantage of this
>I wouldn't want anyone else at my side while killing those things
>And you said you'd come off your heat?
>Melon needs you here more than I'll need you there
>I just don't know what to think - want to greet our new recruit on my arm?
>WRITE IN

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I'm out for the night.

Twitter (for runtimes): https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
Archive (for 'how did we get here?'): http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Shotgun
Character/Notes Doc (inaccurate): https://pastebin.com/kW127tnv

I feel like I flubbed 1/3rd of the scene with Liska. Oh well.

>>3341934
>I want you to be the lady of this house while I'm away - there are a lot of people taking advantage of this.

We aren't leaving her behind because we don't believe in her, but because we do. If it meant saving her and Melon, we'd let the whole rest of the world go to hell. They're our greatest strength, but also our greatest weakness and we need Liska to make sure nobody tries anything while we're out there.

There's simply nobody else we trust enough for this

>>3341934
>Then let's do it together
>if we fail there won't be much left to protect anyway
she'll probably save our ass

>>3342310
Who will watch over Melon then though?

>>3342331
At this rate if Melon's over the worst of it, for all we know she might get involved to tonight.

Even if it's for the homefront.

Though right now realistically.
>I just don't know what to think - want to greet our new recruit on my arm?

We just don't know right now, she would be very useful at our side but there's too many risks and a grave chance if she comes Melon will be an orphan.

Of course staying has risks too, if there is a war there is no safe place.

Might be safer hiding Melon and other non-combatants in Mary's dimension and going all in.

Cause I can see the rats attacking home to try and take out Liska Melon, and other members of the Yarn ball who stayed behind.

>>3341934
>I just don't know what to think - want to greet our new recruit on my arm?

>>3341934
>I want you to be the lady of this house while I'm away - there are a lot of people taking advantage of this
>I just don't know what to think - want to greet our new recruit on my arm?

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>>3341934
"I'm the father of one," you say, "a lot of people are going to be taking advantage of this war. That's why I want you guarding her."

"So why am I the one the one that has to stay behind?" Liska asks.

"Because you're the one I trust!" you whisper harshly in her ear, "because you'll look out for her!"

"And I can get along with wizards," you say, "so I should probably be the one that goes in with them. We can't both go, or Melon might get orphaned. And I can only really trust you to guard her, to be the lady of this house. Sachio's got his own issues, John's - I don't even know what his deal it, and Haru decided to take up with Ellie!"

"I decided to take up with you," Liska whispers, her tongue playing with the one earlobe you have left, "if this doesn't work out, there's no reason for her to have a parent. Let's take her if she manages to sober up before we go in."

"The family that fights gods together stays together," she finishes.

"We both know I can't resist you," you say, "if you really tried. Are we doing that? Because I want you to stay here with Melon, act as mission control, guard our house, and generally be everything I should be in my absence."

"And I want to come with you," Liska says, "if you're dead-set on going. It's a bit of an impasse, isn't it?"

"A dreadful one," you say, realizing exactly where her hand's gone.

"I was raised to stay home and hold the fort while my husband went to war," Liska whispers, "I'm not doing that. Do you want to be my father?"

"No," you say, "I just want our daughter to be better than us. How's this - if Melon sobers up, we all go in together. If she doesn't, then you protect her? The female of the species..."

"...is deadlier than the male," Liska finishes, "fine. If she doesn't wake up, I'll stay here. I don't really trust any of these other bastards, or her friends."

"You shouldn't," you say, and then you're well, look, this must be why men let kumiho eat their livers.

"So do you want to greet our new recruit on my arm?" you finally manage to ask.

"Sure," Liska says, rather revitalized, "wait, we got a new guy?" she asks, as the two of you leave the closet and you escort your wife toward the kitchen and the living room.

"So you're the lady of the house," Sig says, bowing toward your wife, "I thank you for your hospitality. And those tails are as amazing as your husband said."

Liska slaps him, then slaps you.

"So you've been kissing and telling?" she asks you.

"I've just been bragging about you," you say.

"I'm... Siegfried," Sig says, "legendary dragonslayer, and all that."

Her eyes widen.

>I picked him up at the office
>Sig, meet Liska. She's my wife
>Now that everyone's introduced themselves, want to go watch the TV?
>Seriously, I didn't say anything sketchy
>WRITE IN

>>3343919
>Sig, meet Liska. She's my wife
>I picked him up at the office

>>3343919
>Seriously, I didn't say anything sketchy
>I picked him up at the office
>Someone tried to take advantage of the situation regarding Bernie's nature and Sieg's job description. Rather poorly, too.

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>>3343919
"I'm on a bit of a hair trigger right now," Liska says, "sorry about that."

The look she gives you seems to say she's not sorry at all. But you're pretty sure she hit Sig a LOT harder than she slapped you.

Was that all just a gambit to gauge his strength?

"Sig," you say, "meet Liska. She's my wife. Liska, this is Siegfried. I sort of picked him up at the office. Someone tried using him to kill Bernie. He's a professional dragonslayer."

"Tell them to pick me next time!" Liska says to Sig, "he keeps my husband late so many night of the week!"

...is that really how she's playing this?

"Sorry about that," Liska say, "uh, welcome to our humble home, Sig, and please make yourself comfortable. You'll blend right in."

"I've already gotten challenged to a duel," Sig says with an awkward half-grin, "is that..?"

"Yeah," you sigh, "that's how things work here. Please don't accept it. We need everyone on deck for what's happening tonight."

"So I can't fight him?" Sue asks, poking her head into the hallway with a rather disappointed expression.

"No," you say, "not until we sew this up," you continue, walking toward the living room - holy shit, is that a kraken eating a ship on the television?

"It seems everyone's getting in on this," Lucifer mutters darkly as you walk into the room. He's taken up a seat in your recliner, and looks like a king on his throne.

Then the helicopter camera captures a few people in robes dive-bombing the tentacled bastard, driving it off with things that flash even in the daylight.

The footage cuts back to utterly bemused newscasters, who try making a few jokes about the new Harry Potter film, but it all rings hollow. Then one asks "but if that really is magic? King Arthur showed up, right?"

>Let me give you all the briefing
>We need W and Kelly - then I'll give a briefing
>I guess I'll just settle into the couch and enjoy the show for a bit
>WRITE IN

>>3344073
>>We need W and Kelly - then I'll give a briefing
>>I guess I'll just settle into the couch and enjoy the show for a bit

>>3344121
>>3344073
support

>>3344073
>We need W and Kelly - then I'll give a briefing
>I guess I'll just settle into the couch and enjoy the show for a bit