>>3195188
>"Alright, let's get it over with, come on in."[Apathetic Lich, giving a shit -100](This will automatically open the front gate.)

>>3195188
>"Fuck off, can't you fucks read a sign. I'm not coming down and you'll never kill me. Just go home and stop wasting my time"[You are the disgruntled Lich, swearing +5]

>>3195188
>"Alright, let's get it over with, come on in."[Apathetic Lich, giving a shit -100](This will automatically open the front gate.)

>>3195188
>"Alright, let's get it over with, come on in."[Apathetic Lich, giving a shit -100](This will automatically open the front gate.)

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>>3195203
>>3195228
>>3195249
>>3195255
"Alright you fucks, come on in and get it over with." You say, signaling the gatekeeper. The small goblin lets go of the rope and the gate slides open. You can overhear the ranger complain about "railroady bullshit" and the like.
The first trap has come, you go to your magic orb to watch the magic.

Nothing happens.

You remember that the goblins you had keep guard in the murder holes were never actually allowed to leave their post. You also remembered that goblins need food. Shit.

>Send some goblins the party's way anyway

>Yell at the party, maybe the goblins will "wake up"

>Ask Steven why goblins need food, they're already boney. It just doesn't make much sense.

>>3195274
>Send some goblins the party's way anyway
>Ask Steven why the goblins need food, they're already honey. It just doesn't make much sense.

>>3195274
>Send some goblins the party's way anyway
>Ask Steven why goblins need food, they're already boney. It just doesn't make much sense.

>>3195274
>Ask Steven why goblins need food, they're already boney. It just doesn't make much sense.

>>3195281
this

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>>3195281
>>3195283
>>3195288
>>3195295
There's no time to wait, these losers are actually gonna walk into YOUR castle and pass YOUR trap. You need them to pay and pay dearly. You scream into the orb "I NEED SOME FUCKIN' GOBLINS OVER HERE, STAT!" That's enough work, for now, time to get to the bottom of the goblin question.

Calling Steven over from his mind slaying or whatever the fuck he does, you ask him the real hard question. "Why do goblins even need food, they're already honey. It just doesn't make sense." He looks at you for a moment. "You mean boney?"
"Yeah, that's what I said."
"Because they're living?"
"No no, it's gotta be something else... Maybe they're giving it away to another lich! Those monsters!"
"I really don't think-"
"No, they're definitely giving MY free food to another lich. This is terrible Steven, I can't believe this could happen to me." You both stand in silence as the sounds of screaming goblins can be heard from the orb. You can tell the Ranger is screaming obscenities at some DM guy. You look Steven right in the eyes. "Do you think the other Lich is prettier than me?" you ask. "W-What?" He asks quite confused.

>Persist in the questioning, the truth must be revealed

>Try not to think about it, you've got assholes in your castle. No time for emotional drama.

>>3195317
you've got asshoholes in your castle stop being such a pussy

>>3195317
>Persist in the questioning, the truth must be revealed

>>3195317
>Persist in the questioning, the truth must be revealed

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>>3195317
>Persist in your questioning
WE NEED TO KNOW
IS THERE A HOT LICH NEARBY POACHING OUR FOOD?
AND IF SO WHAT'S HER NUMBER?

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>>3195323
>>3195325
>>3195327
>>3195340
Something tells you that you've got assholes to deal with... BUT WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER LICH?!?! "I asked you if the other Lich is prettier than me. Well, are they?" He looks at you, clearly uneasy. "I-I don't know. Maybe?"
Something seems wrong, your thoughts drown out the sounds of the ranger screaming "FUCK YOU DM, I KNEW YOU HATED CHAOTIC NEUTRALS!" as the party dies.
"You're already speaking with the other Lich, aren't you?"
He's hesitant to say anything.
"YOU ARE, HOW COULD YOU STEVEN? WE HAD A THING BETWEEN US! I WOULD RUN THE CASTLE AND YOU WOULD TALK ABOUT IT WITH ME! WHY WOULD YOU BETRAY ME?"
"I never talked to another Lich, I've never even heard of another Lich before now."
You can tell when Steven is telling the truth. He gets a little teary-eyed and his left face tentacle curls up a little. He isn't seeing another LICH, that's for sure.
Going back to the orb, you see it was a near TPKO, only the Cleric left, in tears.
Maybe you should do something about that girl.

>Ask her if she knows about the Lich taking our food.

>Tell her to scram and take the bodies too.

>Waifu time? idk man, I just work here.

>Something else entirely(Write-In)

>>3195390
>Tell her to scram and take the bodies too.

>>3195390
ask her if she knows about the lich taking our food. steven may not be cheating on you but those goblins sure as fuck are.

>>3195390
>Ask her if she knows about the Lich taking our food.
We can't let this homewrecker get away with stealing our food

>>3195390
>Ask her if she knows about the Lich taking our food.

>>3195390
>Ask her if she knows about the Lich taking our food.
Best case scenario the king splits his focus on the boney bastard giving us more free time.

>>3195390
>Ask her about the other Lich
>THEN Waifu time

>>3195398
revision ask her about the other litch and hten ask her if she thinks you're pretty

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>>3195396
>>3195398
>>3195403
>>3195404
>>3195420
>>3195424
Why this was the perfect opportunity, an adventuring party would know if there's another lich running around with FOOD. "Hey you, crying on the ground." You ask her
"W-what?" she squeaks out. "Can you tell me something before I force you to leave?" You ask very bluntly.
"O-Okay, what do you want?"
"I think there's another lich, do you know what that guy's deal is. That fucker's stealing my food and I want to know why."
"What are you talking about? T-There's a Vampire to the east. That's all I know."

I'll need a definitive vote for waifu or not.

>[1] Yes

>[2] No

I'll also take this time to go and sleep for a bit.

>>3195427
I'll be sure to include it in the next update, I'm sure she'll find you VERY pretty.

>>3195431
>Implying Steven isn't already best waifu

>>3195431
Would we have to feed her?

>>3195431
>[2] No ish
Tell her to come back here with the latest fashion from the capital, that should help us look better than the other lich.

Tell her we crused her soul or something, and will only break it for hip new fashion

>>3195431
>[2] No
Steven is husbando.
Is Steve feeling a hankering for brains? I think the clerics might be big enough. The brains from the dead party member's might be still fresh enough if we hurry.

>>3195431
>Yes, if it's not a big commitment
>>3195449
>thinking the bond between lich and Steve is so weak as a husbando-bond
pic related

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>>3195452
Forgot my pic

>>3195438
nobody said we can't have a harem
>>3195439
I don't know, do you want to?

I'll call the vote in the morning, will link in the /qtg/ when we start up again.

>>3195431
Eh, I guess as long as she doesn't come between us and Steve.

>>3195431
No, too early. Besides she is probably not even a dark elf.

>>3195506
Adding to this, let Steven have her if he wants.

>>3195479
Steve is best minion and goodest boy

>>3195431
>[1] Yes
We are about to kill some motherfucking vampires. So yes operation waifu is a go.

>>3195431
>>[2] No

>>3195431

>[2] No

Send her away, she is too flat for waifu, we are skinny enough we need someone more meaty.

Ask exacly where the vampire is, maybe they are the food poachers.

>>3195443
This is good too, we need to look stylish

>>3195548
>implying flat isn't perfection

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>>3195684
>implying flat IS perfection

>>3195431
>[2] No
No for waifu, but still let her stay, we can use her to make Steven envious.

>>3195449
>>3195539
>>3195548
>No, get her outta here.
>>3195443
>>3195452
>>3195479
>>3195508
>>3195716
>Meh, I guess we can keep her around.
>>3195533
>YES YES YES! YES!
Looks like she'll be sticking around, will update soon(tm)

>>3195799
Good damn it, let's see if it'll work right now.

>>3195801
>(tm)

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No waifu time. Steven is best boy.

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>>3195874

>>3195874
>best boy
>hiding the existence of a food stealing conspiracy

he will have to work very hard to earn his best friend forever status again

>>3195431
[1] Waifu that

banish stephen for being a lying bitch

Meh

I swear to god Im almost done, fucking work computer run on XP.

The poor timid thing sits there, waiting for a response.
"Do you think I'm pretty?"
"W-What?"
"Do you think I'm prettier than the vampire?"
She looks around panicked "I don't know, I've never seen either of you."
"Fine, I'll come down there." You tell her as the orb vanishes. You turn to Steven and give him
the nod. He goes to that tapestry about the Ogre and his wife's miscarriage, pulls it down a little
and it rolls up. Your super secret staircase is revealed.
Down the flight of decrepit stairs you open the barely hidden stone brick door. There's a lot more
goblin blood here than you saw, but I guess it doesn't matter too much. The girl cleaned up her
party’s bodies(excluding the ranger) and seems to have gotten over herself.
“Well, am I pretty?” You ask, drawing her attention like a magnet. She just looks at you, trying
her hardest not to scream.
“Y-Yes.” she says very weakly, holding her silly little staff out. “You’re a very p-pretty lich.”
“See Steven, now that’s what I like to hear.” You say as steven places a hand to his forehead.
Probably just the blood giving him a headache.
“So tell me, miss. Um. Miss! Where is this asshole vampire and why is he stealing all my food?”
“He lives in a castle, I swear that’s all I know. Please leave me alone.”
So not only is he stealing your food, HE’S STEALING YOUR STYLE! This madman must be
stopped at once. You clap your hands and the sounds of footsteps can be heard. The girl is
frightened by the mysterious sound clearly coming FAST. A skeleton pulling a beat up rickshaw
comes bolting her way. It stops right before hitting her, but one of the tires falls off. “Looks like
that tire’s boned, ahahahaha!” The skeleton, Alfred Von Bones screams to nobody in particular.
Bones works on the tire as the three of you stand in silence.
>Go scold the goblins first, fuck them and their theft.
>Ask the girl if it’s ok for Steven to eat her friends’ brains
>Ask her if the vampire is actually pretty.

>>3195973
>>Ask the girl if it’s ok for Steven to eat her friends’ brains

at least the ranger, that guy sucks

>>3195973
>Go scold the goblins first, fuck them and their theft.

>>3195973
>Ask her if the vampire is actually pretty.

>>3195973
>Ask the girl if it’s ok for Steven to eat her friends’ brains

>>3195973

>Go scold the goblins first, fuck them and their theft.
And
>Ask if steven can eat the ranger's brain

>>3195973
>Go scold the goblins first, fuck them and their theft.

>>3195987
This, also ask the goblins if the vampire is prettier.

>>3195973
>sample the cleric
I'll leave this choice open to interpretation

>>3195973
>Ask the girl if it’s ok for Steven to eat her friends’ brains

>>3195973
>scold the goblins
and
>ask if steven can eat the ranger's brain
also
>attempt romantic advances

>>3195973
Questioning time
>Ask the girl if it’s ok for Steven to eat the ranger
>Ask her if she thinks the vampire will actually be prettier than us

>Ask the girl if it’s ok for Steven to eat her friends’ brains

>>3195973
>A true lich knows that in order to punish this upstart vampire that has stolen his food and style, the vampire must be made into his waifu bitch.

>>3195973
>>Ask the girl if it’s ok for Steven to eat her friends’ brains
Waste not
A brains a terrible thing to waste

illithids dont EAT brains they eat minds

>>3196219
>I don't eat ass
>I suck dick
Same difference you're still gay dumbass

>>3196336
don't be a prick

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>>3196336

>>3196336
>not wanting to play with a pure tomboy's toned ass
Hella gay

>>3196336
If you don't think that "illithids dont EAT brains they eat minds" is cool trivia you are on in the wrong thread on the wrong board on the wrong website.

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>>3196336

>>3195979
>>3195984
>>3195987
>>3196018
>>3196022
>>3196098
>>3196118
>>3196209
>Ask to eat ranger brain

>>3195980
>>3195987
>>3195993
>>3196022
>Yell at the assholes

>>3195998
>Ask them if the vamp's pretty

>>3195983
>>3196098
>And Ask her too

>>3196183
>>3195999
SOON

I'm home to update so it should be quick.

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"Well, I guess we should get this over with. Who's brain should Steven eat?" You ask the girl as you grab a big murder ax. She's quite distressed by this question but after some contemplation, she points to the ranger's corpse. "That one, you can take his brain." She barely murmurs.

"Well, Steven? Get to it!" You point at the ranger's head.

He looks at you in disgust. "I thought I told you, I don't eat brains. That's just-"

"I WON'T LET SUCH A... CHARACTER'S MIND BE WASTED, EAT!" You scream as you swing the great ax into the asshole ranger's skull. Blood and brains scatter about covering everyone although the brain is in somewhat two pieces. After another awkward silence, Steven gets down and begins eating the mushy grey matter. He weeps profusely but it's probably nothing.

"So miss, whatever your name is, do you think the vampire's gonna be prettier than me? I know they've got flesh but I must wonder if that discolored skin is really much better."

"I don't think a vampire would be that pretty." She pipes up, although still nervous.

"You know what, I like you. I'll definitely not kill you for bones." You tell her, she seems to be getting over the threats to her well being, or perhaps she's going to snap at any moment. That thought of snapping reminds you...

THOSE GOBLINS GAVE THAT FOOD TO YOUR RIVAL AND THIS CANNOT STAND!

Ensuring the sobbing Steven will make sure your new friend won't leave, you leave for the goblin barracks. Inside the dingy living quarter is tattered cloth covers the floor and walls, goblins fighting over raw meats and other food. You spot in the corner your salad bar completely untouched yet again. These bastards have no respect, and not even your new rival wants your homemade veggie tray.

"YOU FUCKS GET OVER HERE!" You yell at the goblin horde, now all looking at you.

"I WANT YOU ALL TO TELL ME WHY YOU'VE BEEN GIVING MY FOOD TO A VAMPIRE AND ALSO IS HE PRETTY!"

They all look at you, probably half of them haven't the slightest clue what a vampire is or if they're pretty. One meek one speaks up, for it is Tiny Jim on his tiny crouches. "Sire, we know not of 'vampire.' What is it and why would such a thing be pretty?"

This little shit just questioned you, what are ya gonna do?

>SCORTCH TINY JIM! FIRE CLEANSES THE WEAK!

>Explain what a vampire is and why working for one means getting a can of whoop-ass.

>Same as above plus beat the shit out of him anyways.

>>3197085
>>Explain what a vampire is and why working for one means getting a can of whoop-ass.
All the while feeding poor timmy veggies from the salad bar.

>Spare Jim and scorch another as an example

>>3197085
>Same as above plus beat the shit out of him anyways.

>>3197085 #
>>Explain what a vampire is and why working for one means getting a can of whoop-ass.
All the while feeding poor timmy veggies from the salad bar.

>SCORTCH TINY JIM! FIRE CLEANSES THE WEAK!

>>3197172
>>Same as above plus beat the shit out of him anyways.

>>3197085
>same as above except beat the shit out of him anyways.
PURGE REBELLION

>>3197085
>Explain what a vampire is and why working for one means getting a can of whoop-ass.
>IT'S TIME TO TEACH YOU FUCKSTICKS HOW TO MURDERFUCK VAMPIRES TO DEATH!

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>>3197093
>>3197094
>>3197107
>>3197137
>>3197172
>>3197257
>>3197287
>>3197296
Well, you sit Tiny Jim down and begin explaining the intricacies of vampires. "You see, my fine crutched friend, vampires are these undead creatures that suck the blood of others to stay alive. They're also a bunch of assholes who will eat you for no reason. They've got some fucking shitty skin and make me sick." You tell him as you take out a scoop of spinach. "Then why would we help one," he asks before getting a mouthful of spinach.

"That's why I've come to ask you all about it, now tell me what I want to know. NOW!"

They sit in silence. Your brow furrows and you raise your hand. FWOOOOOSH! Big Todd is set ablaze, the screaming fills the room.

"Alright, so Tiny Jim, tell me what I want to know." You ask very calmly. Jim turns back to you. "Sure."

"Do you work for the vampire."

He sits there for a little bit, he takes a moment to think. "Sire, I would never betray you like that, vampires soun-" You interrupt him with a violent slap. "You've lied to me for the last time Tiny Jim. Take him to the dungeon."

The other goblins drag Jim away, the poor fellow weeping.

You should probably bring one of your goblins with you.

>Yeah, Pick the strongest/smartest

>THEY'RE ALL TRAITORS, FUCK 'EM LET'S JUST GO

>>3197318
>Yeah, Pick the strongest/smartest
They have this chance to prove their loyalty. If they betray us, IT'S DECIMATION TIME

>>3197318
>Yeah, Pick the strongest/smartest

>>3197326
this

>>3197318
Fuck that, after a round of light torture and maybe some necromantic upgrades tiny Jim is coming

>>3197318
+1>>3197460

You've got about 16 more hours to vote so make me proud.

>>3197318
>>THEY'RE ALL TRAITORS, FUCK 'EM LET'S JUST GO
goblins are GAY, what other minions do we have?

>>3197318

>THEY'RE ALL TRAITORS, FUCK 'EM LET'S JUST GO

>>3196618

>>3197318
Well at this point it seems the goblins are innocent of sneaking the food out to the vampire. How many other underlings do we have? Can we afford to keep brutalizing these poor saps?

>>3197326
>Yeah, Pick the strongest/smartest
And maybe be a little less harsh, they can't work if they're unhappy. Sure, we could kill them and turn them into mindless corpse slaves, but then who would be left for questioning?!

Got any beefy hobgoblins instead?

>>3197480
>>3197592
>>3198093
>Pick another race of minions

>>3197535
>TR8R!

>>3197326
>>3197345
>>3197799
>>3197400
>Yeah, Pick the strongest/smartest

>>3197460
>>3197469
>Tiny Jim time

Well, I'll go ahead and call for another vote. Here are your choices

>Goblin joins the journey

>Somebody else joins the adventure

I'll wait for a handful of votes before writing.

>But what are the other minions
I'm glad you asked anon. Since you're kinda a lousy lich, to begin with, you don't exactly know how to raise undead. You only have A.V. Bones because you stole him from a necromancer, the goblins are here for the not salad bar food, and everyone else has been guilted into or stolen to be in service of the castle.

You got some Orc, some kobolds, some kenkus, and the BIG MYSTERY FIGURE IN THE CAGE!

>>3198821
>Somebody else joins the adventure

>BIG MYSTERY FIGURE IN THE CAGE

As if there's any other option

>>3198821
>>Goblin joins the journey

>>3198821
>Somebody else joins the adventure

cuck 'em golins the manlet brainlet of anything... Are the kobolds... the ones from F.A.T.A.L perchance? Cuz that would be nice, an upgrade even

>>3198837
Support

Goblins are the manlets of the setting, all of them suck but you still end up being good freinds with at least one of them
> Single goblin joins as packmule

>>3198837
>>3198871
>FIGURES
>>3198844
>>3198901
>Goblin packmule
>>3198850
>kobold, please

Writin' now

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>>3198837
>>3198844
>>3198850
>>3198871
>>3198901

Well fuck these guys and their spindly little legs. You know what, how 'bout opening up that cage with the thing in it. You don't remember what the thing was but it was pretty pricey. You're pretty sure it came from some city with a bull problem but that's all ya got.

At the clap of your hands, the distant sound of old metal creaking fills the whole castle.
The sheer terror brought upon all the living creatures is evident.
The magnitude of the attitude of the sound is horrifying.
The horrid build up is so immense, everything is at a standstill.
Truly the most despicable of acts is about to transpire.
Nothing can prepare anyone for anything that might possibly or even probably will occur.

THIS

IS

GONNA

BE

BAD

Or at least that's what you'd think if you and A.V. Bones were actually alive and fleshy. you know better than to think some creeky old metal would spell your demise.

You return to Steven and what's her face as you wait in anticipation for what's coming. Steven has that all so familiar worried face, along with that girl. Did you even ask her name? Does she have a name?

I bet it's Francis, but what do you think?

>Ask the name! Ask the name!

>Just give her a new name you faggo- wait wait wait

The creaky sound stopped and has been replaced with MASSIVE footsteps. Steven turns to you, "What did you do?" His voice is but a whisper, which is contrasted by your completely unphased response. "I'm gonna have the- uh... That thing I bought, you remember? It's in the big cage." He just looks at you. No words or clear expression. "I opened the big cage for the big guy. I'm sure he'll be here at any moment!"

You watch on at the massive gate, the quaking of the earth fills you with excitement, like opening up a Christmas present. The gate waits to be PENITRATED by the HULKING MASS that's COMING.

WHAM! CRASH! BANG!

The massive tapestry you had made of your face from maybe 1000 years ago is ripped to shreds as the BULGING MINOTAUR ERUPTS VIOLENTLY FROM THE WALL!
[-500 TO EGO] [-20,000 GOLD FROM NET WORTH]

Well shit, what do we do now?

>Run! Get that pack mule too!

>Tell it who's your daddy[Roll 1d21 for Intimidation]

Rolled 18 (1d21)

>>3199072
>Tell it who's your daddy[Roll 1d21 for Intimidation]

Rolled 3 (1d21)

>>3199072
>Daddy ho!

Rolled 17 (1d21)

>>3199072
>>Tell it who's your daddy[Roll 1d21 for Intimidation]
Afterwards, make it create a new tapestry to show your current flawless face.

>>3199079
Thank God for you.

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I'm just really tired and I'll leave this vote open.
If you want to debate amongst yourselves what to name the girl feel free. I'm sure this random and pointless chargen will be of some use.smug pic related

>>3199072
>>Tell it who's your daddy[Roll 1d21 for Intimidation]

>Ask the name! Ask the name!

>>3198821
>Somebody else joins the adventure
>Orc as fuck
any other answer, especially the one aobut the big mystery figure, is wrong. SMORC ORC IS ALL WE NEED

>>3199072
Give her the name Fat Cunt

>>3199072
Blondie

>>3199347
Her actual name is Alicia but we will only call her Blondie. Every time she tries to correct us we either go on as if she never said anything or we interrupt her.

>>3199072
>Ask the name! Ask the name!

>>3199072
>Tell it who's your daddy[Roll 1d21 for Intimidation]

>>3199072
Ask name but mispronounce it afterwords and keep mispronouncing it.

>>3199493
>>3199339
You fags don't even know how to roll, what a shame.

I'll try to write here soon, even if I'm gonna pass the fuck out.

>>3200837
To be fair, most people don't call for rolls WITH the vote because if everyone rolls bad or someone critfails then the players will bandwagon on another choice.

>>3200843
>>3200837
This, plus people assume that most likely its best out of 3

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Alas I can't, it'll either be tomorrow or the next day. I hope the imagination burnout will go away with a good night's rest.

Good night my good players, the wait will hopefully be worth it.

>>3200843
>>3200981
Oh and for future reference, any assumptions like those are to be discarded on shitposting principle. especially if it's a strange dice So always roll, even if it doesn't seem like a good idea.

Rolled 261 (1d666)

>>3201051
Ok. Good night

Rolled 50 (1d616)

>>3201054
Pleb.

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>>3199079
>>3199082
>>3199098

"HEY BIG GUY!" you scream at the minotaur as it kinda wonders around. "YEAH, I'M YOU'RE DADDY NOW!" It turns to you and is suddenly spooked. Not only did your tapestry get damaged, but now your castle walls are getting fucked up.

Everyone is in a panic, Steven screaming for you to make it go away. Goblins are streaming out of the walls and rushing about trying to avoid the squishening. Whatever her name is hides under the cart... Not the smartest but it works out.

"WHY DID YOU LET THAT THING OUT, CAN YOU EVEN CONTROL SOMETHING THAT BIG? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!" His screams do nothing to change your dumb expression or the beast's temper. The beast calms down and sleeps in your courtyard, nearly crushing your only vehicle.

"LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY HAD A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU, HA HA!"

The skeleton waits for laughter that will never come, his arms spread out for the love that shall never come. Looking into its sockets they scream for unrequited attention and affection. A lonely soul wishing to land the right joke.

That doesn't really matter right now, there's an asshole out there stealing YOUR food and laughing too. Oh that piece of shit is laughing and loving every minute. You can see it now, him sitting on his fucking well to do chair taking a bit of your fucking raw meat and throwing your veggies in the trash. His laughter just fills your skull, your vigor for vengeance fills your whole skeleton. "STEVEN CAN YOU HEAR IT? CAN YOU HEAR IT?"

He looks at you very unsure but still quite upset. "What now? WHAT THE FUCK NOW?" He screams back at you. He's pretty upset now.

>Push on, tell him of the laughter, THE MOCKERY!

>Forget it, get the goblin and head to the castle.

>>3202850
>Push on, tell him of the laughter, THE MOCKERY!
then immediately
>Forget it, get the goblin and head to the castle.

>>3202862
supporting

>>3202850
Suck his dick.

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>>3202862
>>3202888
>>3202889

You contemplate the succ, but you're not really sure if he's got a wang or likes teeth... You return to your original line of thought. "The vampire is laughing at me Steven, at this very moment he mocks me." He quite rudely interrupts your rambling, "Would you just shut up about it?" You reply quickly, "Of course, why speak about the monster when we can go kill it now." Steven is now only above average grumbly.

>>3199339
>>3199431
>>3200132
>Ask
>>3199344
>>3199347
>>3199356
>name her faggot

"Well, I might as well ask you what your name is." You ask the horrified girl hiding under the cart. "Something tells me you're a Melissa, or maybe a Janice." She pokes her head out from underneath, looking right at you. The fear in her eyes cools down before she asks you a question.

"Is it safe to come out now?"

"Yeah sure, Miranda. No, wait, maybe-"

"It's Pam," she tells you clearly quite annoyed and totally womanly. You can only respond in the most reasonable manner. "Ok, sir." You leave her be, for Sam is a stronk wahmin, but you still need a goblin pack mule. You return to the goblin shit show to find the perfect pack mule, or in other words, blindfold yourself and pick randomly from the crowd.

It's Angry Jeff, a goblin with an attitude or some such shit. At least it wasn't Pete, you've heard lot's about Pete and none of it is good.

Everyone's finally ready to leave and so you do.

[You have finally left the Castle]

You won't be coming back until i- OH SHIT YOU FORGOT!

You return to the castle and prepare your crudely duct taped "Out for Lunch" sign. You rarely have the chance to use it and even more rarely see it in one piece upon returning. Finally, the journey can begin, but where do the not!Stardust Crusaders go now?

>Just go East guy

>There's a town that probably knows where exactly East this castle is.

>Ask Steven if he's a weeb and knows what a stand is.

>Just like go somewhere else, who gives a fuck(Write-In)

>>3203100
>Just go East guy
>Ask Steven if he knows our true identity and stand power.
>Scream to nobody in particular that only the results matter.

>>3203100
>Just go East guy
>Ask Steven if he's a weeb and knows what a stand is.

>>3203100
>Just go East guy

>>3203100
>>Just go East guy

>>3203100
Feed bits of Steven to Miranda

>>3203100

>There's a town that probably knows where exactly East this castle is.

>>3203100
>Just like go somewhere else, who gives a fuck(Write-In)
go to Pam's house and turn her boyfriend into your sex slave

Well looks like I fucked up again, we should run again tomorrow for sure. Or I'll just commit sudoku for these QM transgressions

>>3203115
>Start furiously listing prime numbers

>>3205387
bruh come back i'm horny for lich

>>3212175
My sweet child, the time has come. The update is nearing the corner as I feel much more refreshed.

>>3203115
>>3203121
>>3203285
>>3203296
>>3203354
>>3203649
>>3203926
>Ask Steven if he knows our true identity and stand power.
>Scream to nobody in particular that only the results matter.
>Start furiously listing prime numbers
>There's a town
>go to Pam's house and turn her boyfriend into your sex slave
>Just go East guy
Time to write this piece of shit into existence.

"Tell me, Steven, do you know of the power of a stand?" You ask your squidy minion. He looks to you, "OH DO I?!?!" You stop him before another word leaves his mouth. "Yes I have read through your books and now I must obtain this power to defend ourselves from the challenges ahead. Tell me how do we obtain this power."

Steven looks a little defeated but responds promptly "They usually come from stand arrows, but it's not real." You respond in a hearty laugh"Oh my simple simple Steven, something like that must be real, especially if I read it in a book." Steven sits in silence as Bones continues his mad rush to go "East" asap.

You decide you should ask that girl more about the vampire. "So Jolyne, did you have a boy toy that knows about that vampire?" She doesn't even look at you. "Again, pam, and I did have a boyfriend." "Oh boy, tell me more. did he have a nice-" "He died." Quite grim but no matter, you'll get that info quite soon. "Well, do you have any information on this vampire then? Do you live in a nice little cottage?" She points towards the upcoming town, "I have a small home on the outskirts of town. There's some books and records there."

With a quick whip of Bones, he turns violently and heads right towards her home.

>Attempt disguise

>Just show up without hiding your LICHY PRESSENCE

You'll still go east right after this.

>>3212297
>Just show up without hiding your LICHY PRESSENCE
>Ask Barbara if she can teach us to use Hamon

>>3212297
>Attempt disguise

We are a model, it should fit our skinny build.

>>3212297
>Just show up without hiding your LICHY PRESSENCE
resurrect boyfriend for UNDEAD SEX SLAVE and make sure to constantly sexually harass Pam in addition to forgetting her name

>>3212297

>Just show up without hiding your LICHY PRESSENCE

We gotta show everybody exactly what they want but can never get, plus must try to aquire a [STAND]

>>3212297
>>Just show up without hiding your LICHY PRESSENCE
Let the peasants bask in our glorious pressence.

>>3212297
>>Just show up without hiding your LICHY PRESSENCE

YESSS

>>3212455
>Disguise
>>3212318
>>3212868
>>3212924
>>3212977
>>3215554
>Just show up without hiding your LICHY PRESENCE
>Ask Barbara if she can teach us to use Hamon
>resurrect boyfriend for UNDEAD SEX SLAVE and make sure to constantly sexually harass Pam in addition to forgetting her name
>aquire a [STAND]
I'll try to write but fuck me I've been so tired these last few days.

>>3216850
You think about how the peasantry would react to a MOTHERFUCKING LICH on a BONE MOBILE riding INTO TOWN. While you don't think you should disguise yourself, at the very least you should be god damn stylish. You pull out your fly as fuck hat you've saved for these occasions, the purple mass of fabric and large red feather is a treasured loot.

This hat was originally worn by some prick bard that thought he could waltz into your castle and defeat you with song. While he won your heart, a crafty kobold stole his and you've kept it ever since.

Now's not the time for reliving the past, now's the time to [b]BRING IT BACK FROM DEATH![/b] You turn to the girl and ask gently, "Where is your dead boy anyways Betty? I'm sure you'd like to be reunited." She looks at you in shock. "Would you really do that for me?" She's starting to tear up, Steven visibly worried. "oh course Anne, I'm a kind sack of bones."

The crazed skeleton driving your group, with another crack of the whip, turns yet again, you're pretty sure you lost something that time. Hope it wasn't important!

Before you arrive you ask Barb about [i]hamon[/i] but she seems very confused.
You decide you exist in the [b]STEEL BALL RUN[/b] universe.

Finally you get off the boat off the cart, in the spoopy cemetery of doom. At least that's what the sign says. Janet leads you to her boy toy's almost final resting place, trying to avoid the mysterious fog. The grave is sparce, a tombstone marking his name and date of birth & death.

[i]"Richard Schlong, Current Year -18 to Current Year."[/i]

The perfect age for these horrid deeds.You order the goblin and Steven to dig up the corpse, you prepare some string and wood for your """necromancy.""" Once the soil is removed and the basic bitch coffin is broken you get the body out.

To Be Continued momentarily

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>>3217460
>you prepare some string and wood for your """necromancy."""

>>3217460
You tie the strings onto the corpse and attach them to the chunks of wood. "Wolo we ya wuz, ray gur bez!" Your words bring the string and wood to life, the tug at the corpse and lift it. The body is lifted up and appears to be alive. Emphasis on appears because you don't know any necromancy. In fact you skipped that class for drinking and marionette magic. Luckily the girl hasn't noticed the incoming disaster.

Richard springs forward, in a stiff and uncomfortable movement. His body is mostly unchanged but most of the bugs and rot have been removed. He opens his mouth and out comes your voice in a higher pitch. "Hello my love, it's me!" He says, arms stretched out ready for a hug.

Rosanna cries.

Juliet weeps for a while as your puppet crumples up and gets stashed in the back rickshaw. "Brianna, we might as well get that vampire info you have." you say as your large hat flops over your face. She pulls herself together and gets in the rickshaw. Steven sighs and joins her. "Did that go well?" you ask your goblin. The goblin nods with no expression.

You all ride together to her home and the info dump begins.

Everything you need to know is that the vampire has henchmen waiting for challengers and magic arrows are a thing. The vampire is also, as you expected, a massive asshole.

>Search for those magic arrows in town

>GTFO of town now and find the vamp.

>>3217762
>>Search for those magic arrows in town
Might as well, since we're already here.

>>3217762
>>Search for those magic arrows in town

>>3217762
>Search for those magic arrows in tow
this, prep is a virtue in roleplaying