Nicce crabby is back

>>2816506
How to play:

I include instructions at the bottom of the post, and what I will do. I allow an unlimited amount of players to respond unless otherwise posted. A crit of the request dice is the highest number for success or the lowest for failure. A crit fail will be undone by a crit success.
---
You spend most of the late evening snacking on steel super structure and charred monkey corpses. The raw materials are processed internally, repairing your damage, and restocking a very depleted ammo supply. Idly, you shove a small girder into your mouth, the small cutters and torches make quick work of it.

In the distance there appears to be a cluster of shooting stars from over the horizon...coming right at you. Across your HUD multiple warnings pop off, commenting on velocities and angles that are so technical you fail to understand other than this is not good. One of the missiles has a yellow circle around it with a "NEUTRINO EMISSION" warning. whatever that is.
----
>Dig dig for all you are fucking worth
>Scuttle the hell away
>wait and try to shoot down the Missiles.

Pick 1. roll 1d100

Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>2816565
>wait and try to shoot down the Missiles.

Sniper crab part III
-operation fall out

>>2816565
How to play continued:
I never do a majority wins. Unless I state it on the roll. the highest roll wins.
-------------------------
Pick some music: Roll a 1d100 with your choice. does not stop you from rolling on >>2816565

70s/ 80s Rock covers and Metal
-For the 30 year old boomer

Synthwave/ electronic
-For autstic hackerman

Japanese videogame OST
-For the eternal NEET.

Houseblend
-I'll pick for you.

Fite me u cunt
-Write in with your suggestion.

Rolled 13 (1d100)

>>2816565
>dig bitch

Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>2816612
>some queen would be nice, or maybe anything from this guy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZpbCLdg-r8

Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>2816565
>>wait and try to shoot down the Missiles.

Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>2816565
>wait and try to shoot down the Missiles.

Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>2816612
>Initial D soundtrack

>>2816624
>>2816631
>>2816736
>>2816828
>>2816805
We are definitely not digging well.
>Death by suffocation, 2 updates in.

>>2816845
not even sure that we need to breath

>>2817005
We probably don't, in the conventional sense.
We are, however, a presumably liquid-air-cooled cybernetic organism, so we do need airflow to avoid overheating and committing sudoku.

>>2816600
>50 is the current high roll. and its to stand against the missiles.

got a few real life things to do. update in 30-50min. last chances.

Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>2816612
Oh irhgt, a roll.
Also, music for the thread...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obCngPOLhbI
Weeb-ish but not as much

>>2817122
>69: Highly sexual countermeasures.
The star streaks turn into small specks that rapidly grow in the distance. Now or never you think to yourself as your HUD begins offering shooting solutions. The primary weapon in the cluster is probably a small nuke, the yellow alert icon is now flashing an unhappy orange with a trefoil around it. There is something about 40 gigajoules.

A series of bloops followed by the angry whoosh of solid rockets firing to life indicates successful launch of your missiles. You trust the HUD with your life, and watch with apprehension as your missiles fly off to meet the incoming salvo. Six bright lights streak towards a tight formation of cruise missiles, 5 explosions, numerous puffs of silvery glitter and burning red embers "CHAFF/ FLARE! CHAFF FLARE! CWIS ONLINE." An alarm sounds out of nowhere along with a voice not your own as your minigun comes to life. "INCOMING INCOMING INCOMING BRRRRRRRRR". Your entire shell shakes with an extra long burst of of minigun fire, red tracers streak into the night like a living thing, the sweeping motion carves a snake of light into the sky. Shortly later the shells that missed their mark pop. The other cruise missiles are shredded, and fall harmlessly into the water. Your hud flicks over to nightvision and you are able to track the striken nuke as it spirals away off into the distance. Somewhere behind you is a flash of light that momentarily washes out your sensors with light and radiation. The HUD updates you with the latest. Well. Shit. That could have been bad. Cresting over the horizon, you pick up another launch. There are multiple low yield nukes inbound.

"Improved targeting parameters in progress: 45%
Munitions count
Missiles: 4/10
Minigun:4000/5000

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heLuUd0VK2s

-Run
-Dig
-Sit and shoot. You have the ammo. Let them know they cant stop you.

>>2817512
>shoot and scoot

Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>2817618

Rolled 8 (1d100)

>>2817618
yeah shoot 'em more

>>2817618
I need dice for round two of shooting and scooting.

1d100

Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>2817647
Don't worry, the light is broken but it still works

Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>2817647
If you insist

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>2817647

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6 KB JPG

>>2817676
>92

>>2817737
>>2817676
>92: Euphoria (less than 85 was fucked.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8QAeJk3q94

You look at the horizon, the missiles swarming in towards you, with the steeliest of eyes. Hunching down with claws skyward, you fire off everything you have. For 10 glorious seconds you become a very small avatar of war. A hypersonic missile rockets off you, followed quickly by the remaining for conventional units. Close behind that is a swarm of 100 criss crossing, interweaving micro missiles and the big dumb rocket trailing a white cloud into the night. A series of booming explosions light up the night before your CWIS system lets loose another burst of 3000 rounds. A rain of shrapnel falls down around you, the remains of cruise missiles. "Fuck yeah." you burble to yourself. The HUD's radiation counter spikes high, very high. There is fissile material, military grade scrap, and you are hungry. You wait a few moments in restraint. Nothing else seems to be coming.

Minigun: 1000/5000
>Missiles depleted.
---
eat everything and snack on the cities remains,
just eat the fissile material and get out.
eat the scrap and get out.
(and/ or)
Move on (to beach, deeper inland, more jungle)
(or)
(upgrade)

dice+1d100, highest roll determines choices and outcome.

>>2817927
>just eat the fissile material and get out.
Further into jungle
And are big enough to take down trees?

Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>2817927
>just eat the fissile material and get out.
is this missile upgrades?

Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>2817942
Dangernit I forgot to roll

>>2817951
Supportan.

Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>2817927
>just eat the fissile material and get out.

>>2818045
Fuck. Forgot my dice.

Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>2818052
WHAT THE FUCK?
...Whatever. We'll try again.

>>2817951
>72
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTL5C8lybng
You spot choice morsels of radioactive material dotted in the surrounding area, your hud indicating them for you as waypoints. You pick up chunks of destroyed missiles with shiny chunks of metal that are rapidly corroding in the humid atmosphere. The material is foreboding, you stare at it for a bit before finding your resolve. Executing a pretty good shrug for a crab you shove it in your maw. Down the hatch. So far no ill effects. Scampering from point to point you make quick work of the stuff before every appreciable trace that you can grab is gone. All that is left is a background radiation from particulate pollution. Not much will be growing here for a while. You quickly evacuate the area, and head deeper into the Jungle, wandering for hours as you put distance between yourself and the previous warzone. The trees steadily grow taller, and you spot beasts larger than yourself. Suddenly you are reminded that you are not a giant robotic crab, and avatar of war; you are just...man sized? pig sized? Actually...how big are you? You eventually stumble across the corpse of a man, recently dead. You freak out a little. Despite the tiny monkey genocide, this is different. This is a dude. You nudge his head with your claw, he doesn't stir. He is very white. Sensors say very cold. Its not great, but at least he provides frame of reference, and appears to be taller than you...probably only as tall as his waist. Hmm.
---
>Deep scan the body. (1d100) <investigative>
>Rifle through his belongings and examine the body. Ensure he is dead (1d100) <concerned not at all looter>
>Viking funeral, offer him a prayer and send him to whatever god will have him. (free action.)
>Are...are...you going to eat that dead guy? (1d100) <murder hobo>

highest roll wins.

Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>2818170
>Rifle through his belongings and examine the body. Ensure he is dead

Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>2818170
>Viking funeral, offer him a prayer and send him to whatever god will have him. (free action.)

We must send him off to his god in a shower of sparks! He would have preferred that instead of being eaten by animals piece by piece

Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>2818170
>Deep scan his body

>>2818275
oops kept my old name from sum other thread
Leme just fix that

>>2818275
>>2818283
no worries man
>84
You hud highlights the curled up body, a 2d grid fills in the highlighted outline while a scanline moves across it, then up and down several times. A bunch of medical information flashes over your view that you really dont understand. Almost impatiently your onboard AI directs you. Multiple lacerations, punctures, burns, Hypothermia...wait..wait. corpses dont have hypothermia. He is alive! Barely! But maybe you can do something? While you are frantically looking around, you get a notification from another system. The material has been processed.

I need 1d100, highest roll wins, and determines success of second roll.
>Depleted uranium armor (a hard crab is good to find. Armor value improved.)
>Depleted uranium minigun ammo (full fledged brrrrt. AP value/ armor negation.)
>Improved Booster (Improved Rocket jump. 12 foot jump.)

And

>Start a fire and try to patch him up and keep him warm, then go from there.
>Shit man, you have no idea what you are doing. Throw him on your back, try to keep him warm, and find some humans ASAP.
>Viking funeral anyway.

Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>2818345
>Depleted uranium minigun ammo

>Start a fire and try to patch him up and keep him warm, then go from there

>>2818345
>Eat him.
>You monster.

Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>2818345
>Depleted Uranium armor

>Start a fire and try to patch him up

>>2818367
a small, brief and unsettling cannibalistic urge washes through your mind. "I mean...its not like I'm human." Before you shudder and ignore it.
>>2818371
You work busily, gathering flammable material, and try to spark it before simply dousing the pile in black napalm. The blue flame is incredibly hot, and soon the man is sweating before you drag him away. There is a dim awareness that changes are happening in and on your body, but you are quite busy. Cutting away his bloody clothing you see small spears, pockmarks, and even craters of flesh missing. The damn monkeys. With a degree of precision and finesse unexpected of your huge wrecker claws, you pull out the spears and use the fire to heat up the tip of the claw to a glowing red. "Sorry bro" you think to yourself, before the searing metal is applied to each wound. Saw that shit on Rambo and other flicks. should work. He doesn't even groan. Eventually you notice that you are moving a bit slower, heavier...weird. Your overall shape is a bit boxier here and there, with large slabs of tank like armor covering your form.

>Boosted jump reduced, armor significantly improved.

Somewhere in the distance you hear explosions. They are shelling your previous location. Several bright flashes of light, and a small creeping mushroom cloud in the morning's gloomy horizon tell you that getting out was the right decision. The injured man groans painfully. "Sir...*wheeze*..knight...'ave you any to drink or eat?" Not bad cabman. Just saved a dude and he is talking. You mentally pat yourself on the back. Shit. can you even talk? So far he is mistaking you for an armored knight. Probably still not in a right mind.
----
>Find some nourishment for the dude, stay close.
>Throw him on your back, you have ground to cover before they come looking for you.
>Let him rest till daylight proper.
1d100 please.

Rolled 84 (1d100)

>>2818436
>Find some nourishment for the dude, stay close
This dude is dying

Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>2818436
>Find some nourishment for the dude, stay close
>>2818447
I agree with anon above but after we get him something to drink we should pick a escape option

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Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>2818436
He is wounded and a liability. Snibbity snap his jugular

>>2818459
more dark thoughts. no. stay away dark thoughts.
>>2818447
>84
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rR_dbMvGWAY
Benevolence wins out. You can hold onto being a human. You were a nobody, but you always like to think you were a good guy. right? You exhale a long stream of mechanical smoke. fuck. Find the dude food. People eat. Above you are some trees with fruit that looks good. Your attempt to boost jump causes results in a pathetic hop that doesn't do much. With an irritated slap you wack the tree and numerous fruit falls down, some of it splitting open. Looks legit. probably good. It has a lot of juice in it too.

Overhead you spot something unsettling. A little monkey like the ones you've been fighting. A tiny pair of night vision goggles look back at you. It bolts, but before much else can happen your minigun snaps to life and fires wildly into the tree tops. Well, one thing or another was going to give you away. The tiny corpse comes down in two pieces. Meat. right? A short while later the man is propped up, drinking the fruit juice through half lidded eyes, and trying to eat the pulp. Soon the smell of charred flesh reaches him. "Bless you good Knight. I see you are great, but my eyes fail me yet. You do not speak." you click your claws together in frustration. No voice..yet. "..A vow of silence, out here? Are you *cough* Errant?" you just clang your claw once against your shell. "I..see.." he eats the flesh of the small monkey eagerly. "We, we must make haste from this place. The hated many will be upon us soon, with their foul weapons. Already they have established a foothold on our land from across the sea. I..I need to get back, to the order. Here! HERE!" he becomes frantic, fumbling at his pockets, or where they should be. "My clothes! my map! the tools!" you push the pile of rags to him. "My...clothes...hmm. I see." He fishes around in a crude flapped pocket, eventually proffering a crumpled map to you. It is poorly drawn, and stained with blood, but you understand the basics. Or at least your onboard AI does. Soon the HUD offers up a directional arrow for you to follow. His head hangs, holding a pile of crushed glass, wood and metal "My spectacles, my weapon...have been destroyed..." his attempt to get up is wobbly like a baby deer, and soon he falls over.
---
>Stay and wait for the fight.
>Throw the man on your shell, and make haste. Crab haste.
>Attempt to repair his equipment. quickly.

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>2818536
>Throw the man on your shell, and make haste, crab haste.

Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>2818536
>Throw the man on your shell, and make haste. Crab haste.

>>2818558
>92
You chatter your mouthparts and claws; there isin't enough time to fuck around. Hauling the man onto your back, you realize you have now had balls on your shell, but still felt no boob. He yelps in shock. This is not great. not great at all. "Knight..." your left claw keeps him secure while your right smashes aside vegetation and minor obstacles in your way. "...I suspect...you are not..oh WAHH" he nearly falls off before you catch him without breaking pace. "I suspect...you are not a normal man. With this...shape of yours." No shit. "Im a fucking crab" Is what you would say. Instead you just clank your mouth and carry on. Periodic bursts from your booster help propel your heavy mass forward, and within several hours of a breakneck crab scuttle, you have crossed out of the jungle and onto the open plains. In the distance you spot a large, LARGE settlement. Castle, Walls, little hamlets. all that good fantasy shit. There are even horses. No way. Super cool. You geek out a little bit before remembering there is a naked dude carrying an urgent message. Closer to you is a small village, daily activity just starting. A little bit further away is a guard outpost of some kind.
----
>To the village! They will likely have supplies the man needs.
>Guard shack! They will be able to pass on his message faster.
>To the Castle proper! The man must be taken to the highest authority!

Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>2818629
>To the Castle proper! The man must be taken to the highest authority!
The king will surely reward us with gold

>>2818629
ok idk what to chose soo ill leave it to other anons exept murderous anon

>>2818629
>To the Castle proper! The man must be taken to the highest authority!

>>2818629
(i gtg ill check the thread later, Cya fellow anons)

>>2818690
I forgot how to roll

Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>2818696
>>2818690
Nvm I'm good

>>2818709
>>2818642
He's dead for sure now

>>2818709
>>2818709
>31. Riches and accolades for sure.
News of you reaches the castle long before you do. Rumors of an insane naked man atop a metallic war beast. You are greeted by an understandably hostile force of guardsmen. A few of the archers who have bows pointed at you would have made you laugh if not for the fact that the arrows glow with green flames, and the archers are in fact fucking elves. Holy shit. Elves. This is cool. Your nerding out again. Your claws were clicking on their own.

"Investigator Horvalt?! Is that you?" An ornate figure's voice booms out deeply. "Bryern! I can't see. The damn creatures, the many, nearly killed me, if not for this brave knight I have with me." ..."Horvalt. That is no knight, and from the looks of it, may very well be an agent of the enemy..."

Thinking better of it, you carefully move the man off your shell and push him towards his people. "...can't detain him, he saved me." ..."Its a giant crab!" the two men go over the nuances of your detainment and fate as you slowly back away. Your hud reads 4/10 missiles, and 50/100 micro missiles. It would seem you slowly regenerate ammunition as long as you are fed.

>Crab escape.
>Wait to see how it turns out
>Scan the horizon for the enemy.

dice+1d100

Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>2818727
>Wait to see how it turns out
What are they gonna do? Shoot me?

Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>2818727
>Scan the horizon for the enemy.

>>2818734
>86 Patience Prevails

"Alright. We take the thing with us, and the captain hears you out." The ornate and large man hops off his high horse, both literally and figuratively "Alright thing. Do you understand me?" You snap your claws twice. "That a yes then?" twice more. "Alright. Follow us, don't try to run, don't try to cause trouble. Do it and your metal skin will eat enchanted arrows. ELF MAGIC." You really dont understand the threat, and most of your knowledge of elves came from 4chan...and hentai. These elves do not look like they are for what do though. hmm. Elf archers, wat do? You cackle to yourself for a moment, mouthparts clanking away. The knight looks at you for a moment. "Behave eh?" It would seem Horvalt had been given some clothing and replacement spectacles while you were waiting. He approaches you with great curiosity, sketching your form on parchment, and making many notes.

"You...are...marvelous. Yes. Clearly there are design elements similar to the enemy, but you are foreign. There is script on you, like our runes, but not the same. Close though.Hmm." Your optics whirr as you focus at him, and then over his shoulder at elf tiddy. His face moves right in front of you before you try to get creative with multispectral filtering. Come the fuck on man. You angrily snap your claw, which comes across as a very loud clank, as if a boat anchor was dropped onto a slab of steel. "Oh. Sorry friend crab knight! I must respect your space." The elf is gone.
\;-_-;/ *sigh*. "At any rate, I know you to be a just and good character. You offer him another chunk of roasted monkey which pops out of storage from within your mouth. "I uhh..ate...this? I see. Thank..thank you." He seems a bit greener for it. "I need to run." curiously he takes the lower half of the primate with him. All around you the small force is mobilizing, preparing for the long journey back. Several attempts are made to load you onto various wooden carts which either break or cause the wheels to sink into the soft earth. It would seem you are walking. Dashing far off is a very fast horse and very small man, no doubt a messenger. The rest of the force is not far behind, which reveals your traveling party. Horvalt, Bryern, A very large, overly muscled Minotaur who might be able to fuck you up, elven archer of androgynous composition, and a very large woman who is a head shorter than the minotaur but built similarly. Aside from the horns. and face. and teeth. "Well. Lets get a move on. We've not all day eh, Magnavax?" The giant bull man responds "Cut the chat Investigator. You pay me to fight, not be a courtesan." and with that, you seem to be following them. down a long ass dirt road.
---
>walk. walk walk walk.
>Attempt to examine the party. who?
>vigilant: scan the skies.
>see if you can walk and access the upgrade menu.

1d100. please.

Rolled 5 (1d100)

>>2818840
>see if you can walk and access the upgrade menu.

Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>2818851
What he Said

>>2818861
You focus long and hard. For a while nothing comes. Just the hydraulic hissing of your leg pistons. Eventually though you notice a grey grainy static washing over your field of view. The surroundings aren't entirely gone, but then the upgrade menu isn't entirely opaque.

>You have one CONTEXT SENSITIVE upgrade point
>Voice: Gain the ability to talk. that cant be understated. littleGM pun. fufufufufu.
>Improved sensors: Long range sensors, deep scanning sensors, perhaps...x ray sensors <please benevolent crab force>.
>Lore probes: shoot something, do no damage, learn valuable lore.

Well. Shit. this is interesting.
----
>Roll 1d100 to see how well these gifts work, and pick one.

Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>2818943
I guess we can talking, for ease of life and for shits and giggles

Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>2818943
>Voice: Gain the ability to talk. that cant be understated.

Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>2818943
>Improved sensors

All for NonGent
And the crab force

>>2818943
I think that you should probably wait for your next post OP

I think there's only two peeps postin

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>2818943
Voice: Gain the ability to talk. that cant be understated.

>>2818986
Faak

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>2818943
>Voice: Gain the ability to talk. that cant be understated
BAWK BAWK BAWK!

Rolled 74 (1d100)

>>2818943
voice......

>>2818986
>You get a voice but it's that of an annoying anime schoolgirl.

>>2819048
I honestly wonder if QM is trying to figure out how to use your nat 1 or is legitimately asleep.

>>2818986
>We get a voice
>Evil. As. Fuck.

Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>2818943
>>Lore probes: shoot something, do no damage, learn valuable lore.
Gotta probe them friendly elves tits

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>>2818986

>>2818986
Our voice seeps into their mind causing only madness and insanity

Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>2818943
Improved Sensors

Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>2818943
>>Improved sensors: Long range sensors, deep scanning sensors, perhaps...x ray sensors <please benevolent crab force>.

Who needs lore probes when you can see through clothing!?

The side effect of radiation poisoning from X-ray is a minor detail. A lil' cancer won't hurt elves right?

>>2818986
>Nat 1: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!!
>>2819054
nah man i was asleep.

Reaching into your deepest wishes, you are granted a voice. Components shift and relocate within your body, gradually forming directional speakers. As you walk you decide to speak, and calmly try to get the attention of the group "Fuck me. Those titties are enormous."you blurt out. Oh shit. Everyone stopped dead in their tracks, the giant crab has tinny metallic voice, and it spoke vulgarity. Raising your claws in a placating gesture you try again "What I wanted to say is that I would motorboat them until my skull shattered." Horvalt looks at you while the large red skinned woman and scowls and you elicit a laugh from the Minotaur "The crab speaks, and is the best of you all! HAHA I've not an idea of this motorboat, but it is best to shatter skulls! On udders no less! HA" why hadn't you taken the X-ray vision? The regret is real.
....
....
Your crab face glows slightly red from exess internal heat radiating out through to your metallic skin. A butterfly lands on you and busts into flames. Why cant there be a real shame cube. fuck. Horvalt comes to your aid, seeming to understand something is wrong. "How about we introduce ourselves?"
----
>Let the group go through the rounds as you walk.
>Take another vow of silence.
>Try to apologize.

dice+1d100

Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>2819454
>Let the group go through the rounds as you walk.

Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>2819454
> I am Crab MecCrabski and I am a Heavy Metal Knight.

Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>2819454
>>Let the group go through the rounds as you walk.

>>2819464
You scuttle along as quiet as possible, your hydraulics hissing. You catch the names

Horvalt- An investigator for the royal family. Slightly younger than Bryern, but not by much. He is some sort of secret police more than anything, but is surprisingly friendly and easy to talk to, or at least listen. You really have no idea what his skillsets are.

Bryern- A subcommander of the local knights, male. Older, but not as old as he gives off. The best you can tell he is in his late 30s. Highly ornate and enchanted armor. A little uptight, but he let a few jokes slip, and makes many oaths to several entities. Horvalt called him a paladin, but Bryern brushed aside the comment.

Magnavax- Minotaur. Huge as fuck. Does not like to make plesantries, the most you caught is that he feels most people are dishonest with their words and displays. Is a mercenary. While being huge as fuck, he has a fuckhuge axe.

Addicus- The elf. You still have no idea if this thing is a dude or a chick, even after it took off the hood, and you suspect the elf enjoys giving people that mystery. Akbar help us, this might be a trap. Does seem to enjoy playing music, and singing. which helps. you guess.

Gretta- Gretta is apparently an ogre. Rounded out nub like horns protrude from her forehead, and some pretty wicked tusks peek past her lips. Despite her big club and wild appearance, she is a healer. You already commented earlier to the appearance, which seems to be causing some residual flustering.

They finally get to you.

>Just tell the truth
>Bravado
>Evade evade.
>Just stay silent

dice+1d100

Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>2819541
>Evade Evade.
Shift subject! Ask if addicus has balls or not!

Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>2819541
>Just tell the truth
>Bravado
WE SHALL TELL THEM THE GLORIES OF HOW WE PUT TO THE FLAME THE MONKEY CIVILIZATIONS! And defeated a enemy crab with the power of seduction

Rolled 85 (1d100)

>>2819541
>dice+1d100
Fuck if I know.
Woke up on the beach, started eating stuff then wandered into the little simian territory.
Fucking micromonkies, I'm glad I destroyed one of their cities. The little cunts

Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>2819541
>>Bravado
Try to find boobs on Addicus.

>>2819567
Hmm
Okay

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>>2819567
On one hand I'm sad that We'll never speak of the Crab Assassination Via Mating Event.
On the other hand, We'll now know if the Elf has boobs.

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>2819541
>>2819604
Not if i do a save throw
>Just stay silent
No lewd shit here

>>2819609
A good attempt, but don't quit your day job.

>>2819609
>>2819614
fug

Rolled 54 (1d100)

>>2819567
OH MY GOD

EVERT EVERT

>Just tell the truth

>>2819681
Welp, we're an involuntarily perverted robot crab now

>>2819567
>95 how the fuck am i going to pull this off.
>Bravado
"So Crab. What of your exploits?" The Minotaur stops dead in its tracks and turns to you, a slightly cruel grin on it's face. You were trying to not talk. So hard. just trying to keep to yourself. He seems to know.

You look at the ground and snap your calws a few times before Addicus goads you. "Come now Ser Crab, lets not be coy, we all have shown our souls...I showed you mine. Now show us yours?" Bryern is your most unlikely defender "ELF. We talked, there was no meeting of spirits. For the sake of the elder gods, cease your insane word play." ... "Mhhhf. If you insist Ser Knight." Addicus crosses (her?) arms.

Finally Gretta squats down in front of you, meeting at eye level "Alright. Out with it, or i'll brain ya here and now." Your hud momentarily outlines her cleavage. niceeee. Alright. You might not be able to exactly say what you want, but lets give it a go.

"I'll tell you who I am motherfuckers! I'm BAD, IM BAD! IM THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKER IN THE WOOOORLD. I'm a berserk packin crab and half. Was a dude once from ANOTHER PLANET and a meteor crushed my shit! Know what? I didn't even give a fuck. Got reborn as a crab! HACKED THE SYSTEM! Now im a robotcrab with enough ordinance to eradicate a tiny monkey city, and you know what? Thats exacta-fucking-ly what I did. Killed their crabs, killed them, burned it all. Shot down their nukes. CRAB. I'm FUCKING AMAZING." You do an impressive pose and let out a horrific "WRRRRYYY" and then spew flames several meters into the air from both your claws.

The entire party is staring at you in abject shock. You scuttle up to Addicus and poke it in the chest. There is something kinda soft? Maybe? you really have no idea. that didn't help, the quilted armor throws off a lot. Soon the Minutaur is bellowing in laughter, falling to the ground while the ogre whispers to the knight. "Ser Crab. I'd take you for a jester save for the fact that you find your own words true. Perhaps you are a madman."

>>2819855
>Perhaps you are a mad man

is it true madness if the world is more insane than we are?

>>2819855
Id say he is a fuckin madman

>>2819855
"Crab and a half. Erm. As it were. You seem to have a very bombastic personality. It may be best when we meet the lord commander for you to play the part of mute" Bryern echos from his ornate helm. "I've..no idea to half of what you said, but you make prodigious claims of martial prowess, and are clearly a sorcerer or no small capability, or mundane background." Horvalt fills the silence "What Bryern was attempting to say is, you are now a royal conscript. You could refuse, but it would be...you would be slain on the spot. You are a bit dangerous to wander around, and I personally suspect you are under a curse of some form."
----
>accept conscription, for now.
>Hell no. Bluff away.
>fight your way away.

1d100.

Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>2819873
......Are you fucking serious? we just claimed to murder a bunch of nuke throwing bitches and you seek the threaten us?

motherfucker time to go kaiju again, mini kaiju

Fight our way out

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>2819873
>Hell no. Bluff away.
WE'LL WORK FOR FULL PAY LIKE A PROPER ADVENTURER OR THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY!

>>2819893
What he said becouse swords and glowy arows still cant pen Fucking depleted uranium

Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>2819898
leme just roll

Rolled 6 (1d100)

>>2819873
Inform them kindly no, then if they continue to push, blast them.

>>2819893
and as an ammendum, just kill the bloke who mentioned death and ask the others if they want to mention trying to kill us again or if we should continue on our way?

Rolled 45 (1d100)

Rolling for the sake of rolling
IGNORE ME!

>>2819893
I find it a bit funny that the first person we tried to save and be nice to is essentially attempting to forcibly recruit us against our will despite the fact that we save their fucking life.

>>2819951
So sad
>>2819873
Too bad we can't upgrade our flame breath with nuclear fire.

>>2819958
That's the Darwin Awards for ya.

>>2819951
oh well, now we get to consume him and grow bigger and then claim what we gave up.......size and biomass.

though i do hope we get some more agility/speed for our troubles.

>>2819967
Perhaps the ability to mimic other voices?

>>2819967
What if we eat one of the glowing arrows?

>>2819987
If we eat the minotaur, would we gain a better sense of direction in mazes or just a boost in strength?

>>2819972
meh, this foray has taught us all we need to know about these sort of people. that if we act nicely to others, then it will simply not be repaid. We no longer need a voice except to scream of our betrayal.

>>2819987
fucked if i know. all i know of is it will be fun.

>>2820000
Well to be fair, we did rescue a bootlicker of the king. So it's to be expected that he'd be a cocksucker of the shittiest quality.

>>2820012
Real life popped up. I'll be back in a few. feel free to continue voting. The entertainment value is there.

Rolled 29 (1d100)

>>2819873
>fight your way away.

ONE SMOL MISSILE TO EACH FOOL.

>>2820044
to the eyes

A real shame we gonna have to shoot up the ogre.

>>2820091
There will be finer waifus with God Tier tiddies to gaze upon in other pastures.

>>2820091
not nessererily.

While i am not opposed to murder, we only need to kill the knight and secret police agent. the others can be spoken with

>>2820099
I agree

>>2820114
Oh yes, killing people is gonna win over the healer.

>>2820125
Killing people will win over the healer?
Slime quest? Healslut?

>>2820125
Never said it would win them over, i said they could be talked to..........If they don't comply then we could just gimp em and let them live.

>>2820146
Then we could just as well gimp the others as well.

>>2820155
well we need to eat someone, and those guys started this mess

>>2820164
Eating a fleshy being after speccing into robotics?
You just want us to rust.

>>2820169
Interesting thought to bring up.
Since there was mention of the existence of Sorcerers and curses, that means that there are magic wielders. Which means we'll have more chances to get magic to use alongside our missiles.

>>2820169
Or i want us to use bio-fuel. we ate monkey corpses didn't we.

And besides, we are eating everything of the dead.

>>2820182
I thought the green glowing arrows were the first sign of magic, the second being the elves.
But yes, I do want to be able to cast magic missile along side the more mundane counterpart.
>>2820185
Good point

>>2820195
Of course there is the presence of magic, but I'm talking full fledged magic wielders with countless years of experience.
We eat one of those suckers and we'll already start skipping the boring parts for the ones that we can use just by simple memory absorption like a space marine.

FAKING PUSSIES WANTING MAGIC. BULLETS KILL WIZARDS ALL THE SAME AAAAA. NO MAGIC CAN RESIST MY NUCLEAR DICKKK

>>2820219
But anon, us crab beings don't have a dick.

File: 87478c139622293c056568c3b(...).jpg (98 KB, 1024x768)

98 KB JPG

>>2820219
>Implying I don't want both

>>2819898
you are surrounded by powerful adventurers three of which are melee within striking or charging distance, and have rolled a 48 for your opener instead of escaping by playing along if need be. This is your will my players?

>>2820226
Its probably their will.

Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>2820249
How about
Agree till we meet lord commander, then kill and eat him and assume controll of the kingdom?

>>2820249
unless we can re roll, yes.

Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>2819873
>Hell no. Bluff away.WAAAAAAAIT

All is good.

>>2820224
And they usually don't have vocal cords, let alone ones complex enough to allow for actual spoken language. Never say never and don't let your dreams be dreams, even if they be a working human phallus shaped vibrating foot long penis with a powerful warhead.

>>2820249
.....I'll just go along with conscription I guess

>>2820249
Unless we're allowed to reroll we're pretty much at a impasse.
So the real question is are you willing to give us a reroll because of how shit the situation is in your own viewpoint.

>>2820330
I think it's pretty obvious he's giving us the chance to back down, probably best not to play chicken with the QM here.

>>2820330
welp, that guy bluffed us out>>2820288

>>2820338
Kinda hard to "back down" when I was one of the people voting for something other than direct combat.

>>2820340
Thank goodness.

Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>2819873
>Bluff

>>2820390
Oh thank heavens, a good roll.

>>2820400
Agreed.

>>2820400
Yeah, glad I remembered we could keep rolling if you didn't roll yet.

Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>2818943
>Voice

Rolled 2 (1d5)

>>2820356
got you covered.
>>2820390
>91: well fuck. now to stack this with broken speech.

"Fuck no. Not a charity and spectacles owes me one already." You strike your claw across the cobblestone pathway, gouging stone and sending sparks flying. The other claw does a pretty good impression of a throat cutting motion. Horvalt looks at you with a degree of intensity for a moment "Addicus. Show him our points." A series of arrows expertly fly at you, and ricochet cleanly off, leaving metallic streaks on your armor. "Nope." you calmly reply. None of this shit is exactly what you want to say, its like there is a filter set to crazy. You attempt to be diplomatic and bluff your way out.

"I come in peace. I didn’t bring artillery. But I’m pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I’ll kill you all. "...that will work too. Thanks James Mattis. To punctuate the point every single one of your missiles ever so slightly bulges from their launch cells. "Equal pay or I'm audi5000 bitches."

Bryern puts his hand in front of Horvalt, "I've this one old friend." he steps forward, gleaming, every part the knight. "Best one of us here and now." He pulls out a small wooden 5 sided dice and throws it in the air. "Twoud' seem you do combat with..."

>>2821666
>2>Bryern
"...none other than myself!" Bryern charges at you, a soft blue aura enveloping him, while his sword busts into a light that would make a plasma cutter blush.

"Best put on your 3d glasses because I'm coming at you!" is your worthy reply. You really need to fix the voice module issue.
---
>Missiles
>Minigun and melee
>Hypersonic missile (strong AP value, high DC)
>Minigun, fight defensibly with CWIS. +30
>Dumbfire rocket (high DC high damage)

1d100 please

Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>2821675
>>Minigun and melee

Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>2821675

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>2821675
>Minigun and melee

>>2821705
throw a choice in there and we are good to go.

>>2821705
>>2821704
modified highest named roll with highest roll.
>73: Minigun and melee.

Less than a day ago, you were a powerful avatar of destruction, wrecking a city, and fighting off a small military. Now you are fighting a magical knight. Life is weird like that.

Your minigun angrily spews out hot lead, causing the strange blue aura around the knight to flare over and over, growing more and more dim as you slowly walk backwards. As he closes in you lash out with a massive claw that he attempts to cut off. *CLANG* You are armored in more than just a few millimeters of steel or iron. His sword does manage to gouge fairly deeply, but not enough to actually do any structural damage. Gazing with unmitigated fury, you backclaw Bryern with enough force that it sounds like you hit a dull bell. He staggers away, dropping his sword and casting some sort of regenerative magic on himself.
----
>eat sword.
>attack unarmed knight
>the fight is concluded.

dice+1d100, make a choice.

Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>2821735
>>eat sword.

Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>2821735
>eat sword

Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>2821735

>>2821735
>Nom the Suhword

Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>2821755

>>2821735
>eat sword
My bad

Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>2821738
>>2821741
Cant really ignore those sequential digits.
>65

Ambulating over to the sword, you pick it up with a claw and look at it offhandedly. With a quick impression of a sword sallower, the 3 and a half foot long sword is gone. You feel energy coursing through your body, untapped potential, but it will have to wait. "CRAB! YOU DO ME A DISHONOR!" Shaking your claw at him you respond "Better than doing your mother!" The elf is snickering and the Minotaur is holding onto his axe for balance while he laughs. He lashes out with his fist, an impressive wave of force knocks you end over end, cracking optics and shaking your frame. The HUD jitters and flickers for a moment before giving you a solid target lock.

>Mini missile massacre
>Dumbfire rocket
>hypersonic
>Flamethrowers, long burst.

pick one and roll a 1d100, beat my dice.

>>2821791
Tell him "Alright now I'm pissed" before setting the fucker on fire

>>2821816
Whoops forgot to roll

Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>2821791
Shower this MOFO with sparks. He doens't worth it.

Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>2821791
>Flamethrowers, long burst

>>2821826
support

>>2821865
roll! roll 1d100 with your support. These are not votes! There are fight between men to get to choose the fate of the crab

Rolled 43 (1d100)

>>2821865

>>2821826
>69vs7
Bryern walks towards you with cold menace, his fists are glowing again. "Get ready fool. That sword had been in my family since my great, great uncle who fought in the first outer wars."

"Skeet skeet fucker!" You spew a shower of hot metallic filings into his helmets visor with surprising accuracy. "ARRGgh MY EYES!" he falls to the ground pawing at his helmet, trying to get it off, all the magic and menace flooding away from him as you flip yourself over. As he writes about you do an impressive grandstand. His party members surround him and manage to get his helm off, revealing a red and blistered face, with two bleeding and swollen shut eyes. "He blinded him" the Minotaur rumbled.The ogress scowled at you before enveloping the knight's face in an bath of green light, injuries vanishing. "My thanks good woman." Bryern cracked a small grin and winked with fresh eyes. She blushed at that. Crab observation noted.

"Twould seem...you are a powerful if degenerate combatant, unlike any i've met before. I was bested soundly by you, though make no mistake, my sword was of great value. A rare metal capable of channeling my order's magic and withstanding it's fury." He frowns at the thought. Pale blue eyes sit in a weathered face with close cropped wheat colored hair.

"Enough." the spymaster pushes his spectacles up on his nose "let us be on our way. We can rest for the day at the outer hamlet before we continue on.

There is much banter during the walk. The Minotaru has taken a solid shine to you, but you doubt he would hesitate to carry out a write of execution either. This place is unreal. The fantasy element is so strange in contrast to what you experienced earlier. You take a minute to observe the sunset over wheat fields. Your optics whiring as they focus for optimal appreciation.

Addicus stops next to you "Tis quaint but worth saving. Truth be told though..between you and I. I just like to kill. The small monkey creatures, men, giants. Matters not. Two legged prey is the most exciting. Though I may have to make exception someday for six." the elf grins from behind it's hood. "Slut Whore." you burt out. Addicus responds "Both, when the opportunity presents itself." You rattle your shell, repair systems still buffing out the damage from earlier, and trek on.

In the early evening you finally arrive. To call this place a hamlet is an understatement; it is more of a small town, nestled just outside the City proper's massive stone walls, and beyond that the towering peaks of a fantastic castle. The party breaks up, going their own ways.
---
>Follow the Minotaur, Magnavax and Elf, Addicus: Brothel and Tavern.
>Follow Horvalt and Bryern: Inn and Spell Sage
>Follow Gretta: Sneaking off.
>Go exploring on your own. Its a big town. There may be something to eat, or loot. or both.

1d100

>>2821897
>>Go exploring on your own. Its a big town. There may be something to eat, or loot. or both.

I really want to find the elv's gender but... there may be more tits in this town, besides the ones we have marvelled already.

File: Spoiler Image (571 KB, 635x896)

571 KB PNG

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>2821903
FINE. DICE. tit dice

Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>2821897
>>Go exploring on your own. Its a big town. There may be something to eat, or loot. or both.
Also, try to levlup while we are walking around.

Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>2821897
>Go exploring on your own. Its a big town. There may be something to eat, or loot. or both.

>>2821905
You wander off on your own, crossing the packed dirt streets that are mostly empty. Those that pay attention to you give wide berth. Eventually you find a local map with words and icons. While you cannot read their text, you can decipher the general ideas.
---

>beer mug
>Woman outline
>bath house
>sword and hammer
>Jewlery and lightning
>Pick axe and rock
>glaring knight helmet
>Pile of gold bars

Where to?

>>2821930
>>sword and hammer
Let's go and get a shitty sword to replace the one we ate...

>>2821933
You Make quick work towards what is probably an armory or smithy or some other medieval bullshit. Eventually you resort to climbing up onto the rooftops hoping none of the cave in. Small puffs from your jump thrusters give away your position in the night sky. Eventually you make it to the location of the store and look in. There seems to be various bits of glowing armor, flickering in the dark. You could break in...
---
>break in through the front
>Go in through the roof.
>naw man. stealing is wrong.

1d100 and a choice.

Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>2821942
>>Go in through the roof.
Be quiet we are very stelthy crab.

Rolled 14 (1d100)

>>2821942
>naw man. stealing is wrong.

>>2821942
>naw man. stealing is wrong.
besides swords are shit just go in and have a browse maybe we can talk to the weapon smith and teach him how to make a gun its useless if we are fighting against techno monkeys

Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>2821948
oops

>>2821948
its just better to ask for metal scrap and a sack if he has any

>>2821949
You jump down from the rooftops, landing heavily onto the street below. A few ragged cloth curtains slide open revealing peeping eyes. mostly children.

The steps up to the shop creak heavily and with a degree of care, you rap at the door with your claw. It still splinters a bit. "Fuck off!" you knock a bit harder "AY fuck! Ave ya any idea the hour!?" A man shouts as he stomps to the door and swings it open. "MERCIFUL FUCK! What the hell are you?"

"Blow it out your ass. I'm a crab. I've got balls of steel." damnit. duke quotes. He just stares at you. "We require additional minerals!" starcraft. "Minerals? Listen here ya freak, the miner's guild is down the street, ts' where I get all my ingots...but hmm. yeah. Ya look plenty strong. I'll tell ya what. You want minerals eh? Come on in and see my set up crab-o."

You follow the man, past racks and racks of glowing and runic armors, fantastic swords, and more. "I've got this here metal, what fell from the sky. I cant make much use of it as it is, but maybe you with those big wife beaters of yours can flatten it?" Do that, and I'll have scrap, ore, and more work if ya want it.
---
>Do the smiths bidding, building a base of allies is good.
>Knock the smith out and eat everything, getting bigger is good too.

1d100 for action.

Rolled 63 (1d100)

>>2821984

>>2821990
>Do the smiths bidding, building a base of allies is good.

Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>2821984
>Do the smiths bidding, building a base of allies is good.

Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>2821984
>Do the smiths bidding, building a base of allies is good.

File: 13844378826990.png (49 KB, 180x204)

49 KB PNG

Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>2821984
>>Do the smiths bidding, building a base of allies is good.

>>2821996
>75

You and the smith spend the next hour pounding away at the strange metal, his furnace struggling to reach a temperature high enough to even soften it. That is until you use your own flamethrower to add to the mix. Massive claws work just as well as hammers, and your hydraulically assisted pinch also aids in crushing the metal into something workable for him. Despite the best efforts, this is not a perfect process, and the end results are not exactly great. A longsword that is impossibly durable, but it's edge is better suited as a hammer, and the entire thing looks like it was pinched by a crab. because it was. A helmet in similar condition, and set of nice looking knives.

You take the sword as payment, and are escorted into a shed out back full of rusted, malformed, or otherwise undesirable equipment. To his shock the smith watches as you tear into the old gear and rotting leathers with gusto. Soon hundreds of pounds of equipment is processed down into robocrab food, and you feel the desperate need to slumber. On a whim, you consume the "long-sword" of strange metal as well. Several of your internal saws pop and break teeth on it, but eventually you choke the thing down.

Sleep overtakes you, and familiar screen is available
-----
+++Growth points
>Size up
Get a little bigger and all around better.
>Repair system and fabrication system
ability to rapidly self repair on command, as well as quickly fabricate known objects from a database.
>repair voice module
get ability to take sensibly.
>Improved robotics
not too sure, but it seems interesting.
>Improved minigun
Better minigun
+++Alloy Bonus
>Armor +
Armor continues to harden.
>booster+
Gain improve boost jumps.
>Spark breath+
Torrential blast of sparks, no longer incapacitating, but outright deadly. Thermite breath.

Choose 3. Roll 1d100. highest roll wins the pot.

Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>2822026
>>Repair system and fabrication system
>>Improved minigun>>
>>Spark breath+

File: c4bffc39363d32acb1de2880f(...).jpg (13 KB, 232x457)

13 KB JPG

Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>2822026
>That entire fight
You have outdone yourself again Crab QM. Accept this moment of happiness from me.

>>2822026
>Size up
>Improved robotics
>Improved minigun

Dakka dakka dakka!

Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>2822026
>size up
>Repair and fabricate
>Booster

>>2822068
And the dubble 9s have it.

>>2822026
>Repair system and fabrication system
>Improved robotics
>Armor +

>>2822075
let be the most tanky there ever was

Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>2822026
>Repair system and fabrication system
>Improved robotics
>Armor +

Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>2822075

>>2822026
>Repair system and fabrication system
>>Improved robotics
>>Spark breath+

Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>2822112
>>2822026
Forgot dice

Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>2822026
hnnngg I want a super 1d100!

¿¡Where are the missile upgrades!?

>Improved robotics
>Armor +
>Repair system and fabrication system

100! dice 100 go!

Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>2822026
>Repair system and fabrication system
>repair voice module
>Improved robotics

Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>2822179

>>2822068
>99 hurf. those are good repeating digits.
>size up
>Repair and fabricate
>Booster

It is dawn, and you have roused from your torpor. The shed seems smaller. More cramped. However you know that is BS. You have become HUGE. Ok, not really huge, but you gained some mass since last time. All the scrapes and damage of yesterday are gone, and your hud has a conspicuous bar at the bottom for booster. "overheat". You are also stuck.
---
>Eat your way out.
>Just boost out.
>try to go out without totally destroying the shed.

a choice and 1d100 please.

Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>2822469
>try to go out without totally destroying the shed.

Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>2822469
>try to go out without totally destroying the shed.

Trying to eat our way out will end with the smith being pissed and boosting our way out will probably catch the hut on fire and destroy it as well. I kinda want to ask if we can just wait here till the smith comes back and ask what he would like to do.

Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>2822469
>>try to go out without totally destroying the shed.
WE SHALL HAVE THE GRACE OF A DANCER AND THE ZEN OF ALL THE MASTER KUNG FU ARTISTS IN THE WORLD!

>>2822469
Try not to break the shed

>>2822481
>66 More dubs. how powerful

You carefully, almost painstakingly destroy the doors of the shed. If you were to guess you are probably around the Ogre or Minotaur's height now. "AY yer fuckin awake then? How about puttin those mits to use makin some new equipment for what all ya ate?"
---
>No. find party.
>Party will find me. Yes.
-Make medieval weaponry.
-Make modern weaponry.
-Make mostly medieval weaponry, and a sword to replace the one you ate.

and anons. ill be back later to do an update.

Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>2822469
no break

if we do break, we eat

Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>2822501
>make mostly medival weaponry and a replacement sword......

Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>2822501
>-Make mostly medieval weaponry, and a sword to replace the one you ate.
Make sure that the sword has on the flat of it's blade with the description "Your mother is a hamster and your father smells of elderberries" in Japanese for that extra dose of weeb.

>>2822501
whose sword are we replacing? the smiths or the swordsmans? anyways
>replace word and invent guns, draw up the schematic for the fine smith gentleman

Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>2822512
forgot mah dice

Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>2822501
>Make mostly medieval weaponry, and a sword to replace the one you ate.
>Also ask the smith, how a sword to make a sword into magical sword.

>>2822512
can i remind you, that these guys tried to kill us. and you want to give them guns to do a better job?

>>2822522
u rite u rite

i want to repay the smith for all that metal he gave us though

>>2822527
use your roll to make him TWO unbreakable swords. and he payed us to make him shit. so we don't owe him squat

Rolled 1 (1d1)

>>2822538
i see what youre saying

>>2822555
RIP blacksmith

>>2822569
lmao look at that again

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>2822501
>Party will find me. Yes.
>-Make mostly medieval weaponry, and a sword to replace the one you ate.

>>2822584
>>2822520
>>2822508
>>2822504
and, i will change mine to this, so its unanimus. We did it 4chan!

>>2822592
>Auto
am i retarded? is that not how you spell unanimus?
unannimus.
unnanimus,
younanimus,
younnannimous
unannimous.

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43 KB JPG

>>2822592
Is this truly the month of odd shit happening?
What next? Are we going to have psionic dating services in the near future?

>>2822501
this was my fucking payment it was trash metal so why do i need to pay you back for that?

>>2822628
fuck this guy we are leaving he think we are some stupid piece of shit animal

>>2822595
Great now I have to go to sleep pondering about this

>>2822628
well ok den

>>2822584
>>>2822501
>62: Be a good dude.

You spend the morning, on into the afternoon relentlessly working over the existing arms and armor with your advanced repair and fabrication systems. Eventually you run out of things to fix or improve and start churning out duplicates of existing things, literally vomiting fourth new swords and gear. "well then, you certainly are the crab that lays the golden egg now aren't ya?" you choose to remain silent less you spew fourth another tirade. Eventually you create a few simple break action single shot firearms and a box of cartridges. It never crossed your mind to explain how they work or what they are. Crab shrug.

By midday the sun is beating down on your metallic shell, and the smithy looks like some sort of insane rube goldberg machine, with numerous devices cobbled together based off your own imagination on how an industrialized process would work. Its far from perfect, but it works, mostly. The smith is happy, and let you have another chunk of the space metal which you have since made into a serviceable if very plain looking longsword.

"CRAB! We've been looking for you since before dawn and...Have you grown?" The Ogress is visibly stunned by your larger presence. You simply use your legs to pivot in a nodding motion. The smith spends a few minutes defending your actions, less out of concern and more out of avarice, but its all as well. Eventually she spots the sword you are carrying as you follow her back to the party. "For the Paladin?" you make the mistake of talking "Shits fucking cash right?" why...why? "I suppose it is of value."

"HELP! THIEF!" A woman and her husband are being accosted in an alleyway by a nerdowell.
---
>Crabtime.
>Let the ogre handle it.
>Not your problem.

1d100

>>2822818
>Let the ogre handle it.

Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>2822830
we have no idea of whats happening i only know we should move from side to side and clack our claws

Rolled 81 (1d100)

>>2822818
>CRAB AND OGRE! THEY FIGHT CRIME!

Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>2822818
>Eat the theif whole

Stealing is wrong, hunger is not a crime though

Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>2822852
Yes! WE'LL EAT THE CRIMINAL AS A TRUE HERO OF JUSTICE! And being able to pickpocket panties as a Crabgrade
I'LL SUPPORT YOU!

CLICKLTY CLACKITY I AM THE MUNCIHES

>>2822818
>Let the ogre handle it.

Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>2822818
>>Let the ogre handle it.

>>2822818
>shits fucking cash right
lmao
also, Crabtime

Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>2822818
>>Crabtime.
NANANANANANANANANANANANA CRABMEN!!!

>>2823358
But Ivan! We could've had Crime Fighting Duo shenanigans!

>>2823366
She can be Robin to our Baтмan

>>2823372
You read my mind Ivan. Exactly how I wanted it to play out.

>>2822844
>81 scarcely contained destruction

You pull the ogre along with you "Have you gone even more mad?! UNHAND ME!" You respond on the fly "Bitch I'm a Craaaaaaahaaaaab. No hands." Soon she sees the cause of your concern and demands the cessation of the mugging in process. The thief declines the suggestion, and instead escalates the situation to one of a hostage crisis. You instead shoot him in the face with your minigun which violently splatters gore all over the wall behind him, and his would be victims. "You can't just go off doing that! You aren't the law!" Gretta shrieks at you as she clumsily wipes blood and brain off the people, attempting to calm them down. "LAW?! LAW? I AM THE..." you manage to choke back the quote. that was an aweful movie, but to yourself you whisper the last bit. "lawwwwwwww." Her pointed ears twitch "YOU ARE NOT THE LAW DAMNIT!" apparently she has more than one set of impressive assets.

Nearby is the miners guild...could be useful
----
>To the guild!
>Just follow Gretta!

dice+1d100

Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>2823404
>>To the guild!
ZE LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!

Rolled 52 (1d100)

>>2823404
>To the guild!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA9FiL7mz_0

>>2823404
drag and bang your metal claws yo make music try make sounds with your body and scuttle sideways like crab

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>2823457

>>2823423
bang on your shell to make sweet music dont forget to sing and make mouth metal part things sounds

Rolled 15 (1d100)

>>2823404
>Eat body, go to guild for dinner

>>2823478
Good idea Anon.

>>2823487
should we do it like washboard music or something else?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL-raBnVyJU

>>2823517
found the perfect music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=US7c9ASVfNc or we can play oil drums in the Caribbean

>>2823534
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk3BvNLeNgw
or this so many things

>>2823534
"Bones will be shattered,
Necks will be wrung!
You'll be beaten and battered,
from racks you'll be hung!
You will die down here
and never be found,
down in the deep
of Goblin Town!"
i am a sucker for this song
or we can do something really out of place like fallout music
>>2823542
i aborted it and it still posted surprisingly

>>2823607
>>2823542
>>2823534
>>2823517
No matter what happens Anon. The music will be Crabbed the Fuk Out.
Crabrock.

>>2823411
>>2823423
damn, thats a cold-ass honkey

>>2823411
>>2823423
>52x2 SEQUENTIAL DIGITS
>>2823467
>92 Maximum musical overcrab
Gretta looks at your impromptu street dance, which is actually quite fantastic and sighs in recognition. "We are going to the mines aren't we?" You nod without loosing step. You slap her on her ass with your claw and nimbly avoid getting smashed with her war club. You are rewarded with a series of angry swipes that result in jiggling which would leave most characters from Dead or Alive green with envy.

A short while later you and your irritated companion find yourselves at the miners guild, and looking right at the front clerk "Freak shows down the road friends." He seems supremely uninterested. "Im here to dig ore and kick ass, and i'm allllll outta ass." thanks duke. again. really. is this what life is about now? Vague allusions to ventrillo harassment? The Clerk looks you both over. "We do have a load of low grade ore that needs shoveling out back, you get that done and we can talk cash per ton moved. So, either get out or get to work." Gretta sighs "I really...really...hope you have a viable reason to this insanity."

You really don't.
----
>Good crab. move ore. collect cash
>Hungry crab. Burrow into ore, eat it and go to sleep.
>Extra hungry crab, eat all the ore.

1d100 and choice.