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>>2753283
"Hey honey," your wife says, as she picks up the call, "how's the 'softball game' going?"

Softball game? Oh, the excuse you gave Fred. And maybe she's got the right idea about what to not say over a cellphone, given everything that just happened.

"It's over," you tell her, "things got tense - vicious fight on the field, some fly balls through some valuable windows, and I clocked that umpire you said looked like he needed to be punched. And Bernie showed up - I think he's pretty pissed about those windows."

"You're going to have to tell me all about it later," she says, with a growl that implies it's going to be in bed, "and I've got a few questions about what I've been hearing here. Sign anyone else on for the girls' team?"

"Yeah," you say, watching as they carry Rachel and Myrna to the minivan, "I think they're with us now. Their manager was having a hard time with his team," you tell her with a wince, remembering what that rat looked like, "and ours gave him an, uh, easy way out. But, more importantly, I got a message from my sister, and invited her over for dinner."

You hear the sharp hiss of indrawn breath from the other end of the line.

"I'd like to meet her," Liska says, "but when's she coming? And does that mean I need to dig out your family's recipe book?"

"Not sure when," you tell her, "and I did promise we'd be making the good old family cooking. How's Harriet doing?"

"Well," she says, "thanks for the heads-up. And she's at least drinking water now - helping her's been a bit interesting. Get back here so we can talk about it."

"Sure, foxy lady," you say, and hang up. Looks like almost everyone's bundled into your minivan and Kelly's Mercedes now, so you walk over and get in the driver's seat of the minivan.

You find that:

>Karen's riding shotgun, and you ask why the hell Angus was standing with you guys and not Bernie
>Mary's riding shotgun, and you ask whether she thinks the night went well. And [WRITE IN SOME QUESTIONS]
>Rob's riding shotgun, and you ask if he's feeling any better. And [WRITE IN SOME QUESTIONS]
>Melon's riding shotgun, and you compliment her on her fight. And [WRITE IN SOME QUESTIONS]

>>2753349
>>Melon's riding shotgun, and you compliment her on her fight. And [WRITE IN SOME QUESTIONS]
Im blank for questions atm, but rub her ears and tell her shes almost as scary as her mother.

And we're back!

Twitter for new thread times: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
Archive for catching up on this thing: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Shotgun
Info Doc (of varying reliability and humorous intent): https://pastebin.com/54JEEFtf

>>2753349
>Mary's riding shotgun, and you ask whether she thinks the night went well. And [WRITE IN SOME QUESTIONS]
Talk about power levels and what needs to happen to avoid things that make global superpowers have panic attacks.

>>2753364
This^
Hell, we can just ask everyone in the car about the "movers and shakers" of the Supernatural world.
Besides us of course.

>>2753349
>>Karen's riding shotgun, and you ask why the hell Angus was standing with you guys and not Bernie

I’m curious about this.

>>2753349
>Karen's riding shotgun, and you ask why the hell Angus was standing with you guys and not Bernie
maybe things happened while we were out...

>>2753349
>>2753454
>Karen's riding shotgun, and you ask why the hell Angus was standing with you guys and not Bernie
Seconding.

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>>2753349
Somehow, Mary's riding shotgun again. It makes some sense - she is the leader of the first group of magical girls you brought in, and your sworn sister.

"So," you say, looking over at her, as you pull out onto the road, "ya think the night went well?"

"I don't think it went badly," she says, staring through the windshield, "made some new friends," she continues, shrugging back at the other occupants of the car, and you take a look in the rearview mirror.

W's actually riding in the 'trunk' of the minivan with Rachel? Myrna's laid out across the bench seat, and you don't want to think about how many people are double-buckled, and you could swear James and Rob are kneeling in the footwells.

Well, it's probably the most inconsequential laws you've broken tonight.

"Hopefully," Mary says, leaning over and whispering in your ear, as you see Sue and Melon twitch in their seats, "W's had a wakeup call about Rachel. If she can get her shit straightened out with her family, that's worth a couple satellites."

You can't help but agree, but that doesn't sound like the girl slanging you as you took over her operation a month and a half ago.

"Power levels?" you mutter at her, ignoring the looks this conversation is getting in the rearview mirror.

"Do I look like I have a scouter on?" Mary whispers, "I'm still top of the heap, but our crew's gotten a lot stronger this past month. You haven't even seen Karen's Impaler's Field bullshit yet. Melon and Sue were holding back tonight, didn't even pull out the foxfire or that crazy sword. Probably thought you wouldn't be a fan. As far as the new guys go - Myrna can hit stuff on orbit, Rob's damn good if he could push Sue that far, I'm pretty sure we haven't seen everything Madison's got up her sleeves either, and I don't have a clue what Roxxane can do if she tries. We all just stared down a dragon, and he fuckin' ran. That's powerlevel right there."

"Pretty good," you say, gently pushing her back into her seat, then you turn back to face the rest of the car, and realize a pair of blue eyes interpreted that statement the wrong way, so you quickly continue, "sounds like we're going to need to think about not giving global superpowers panic attacks. And about what other movers and shakers there are in the supernatural world."

"Bernhard's one," James pipes up, "on the accounting/procurement side, at least. I went underground because I pissed off some dragons, but I hear Fafnir got his ticket punched in an alley," and grins.

Bernie's ambivalent attitude toward the wizard makes a bit more sense now, since he and Heinrich were the ones were the ones that iced that dragon.

"We're magical girls," Mary says with a sigh, "we're local. I couldn't name any players outside our city."

"And we've been sticking to small towns," Madison says, "when we can."

Then you see the flashing red-and-blues behind your minivan.

Cops.

>>2753436
>>2753454
>>2753458
Sorry, started writing before these.

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>>2753461
>"Everybody try to look legal! (But get ready to fight!)" - pull over
>"We're pulling over, and we're taking him down when he walks up to the window." - pull over
>"Who's got 'high speed chase in a minivan' on their bucket list?" - attempt high-speed chase
>"Light him up!" - magical girls and wizards open fire on the car
>WRITE IN

>>2753461
ah shit, freebles teleport everyone who isn't buckled up home! quick!

>>2753469
>"Everybody try to look legal! (But get ready to fight!)" - pull over
I'll bet it's because we got a wonky tail light in the back that just so happened to go out at the worst possible moment.

>>2753461 #
ah shit, freebles teleport everyone who isn't buckled up home! quick!

You didn’t see shit officer.

>>2753469
>>2753479
>ah shit, freebles teleport everyone who isn't buckled up home! quick!
This is good. Just in case it isn't possible:
>"Everybody try to look legal! (But get ready to fight!)" - pull over

>>2753469
Supporting >>2753475

>>2753469
>"Who's got 'high speed chase in a minivan' on their bucket list?" - attempt high-speed chase
Are there any nearby malls around?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IIdGxR-aU6o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AstoCxqZM8A

>>2753469
>>"We're pulling over, and we're taking him down when he walks up to the window." - pull over
Don't forget most cop cars have dash cams. If we do any sort of attacking, we'll need to torch the camera, if not the whole car. It already will have our plate

Freebles teleport wore him out moving one person, I doubt he can manage multiple people.

>>2753469
>>WRITE IN
Freebles teleport everyone not buckled down out of here.

Ya'll forget the pol-lice are in the demons pocket. No Chases or take downs.

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>>2753469
"Freebles, W," you say, as you punch you flashers and start pulling over, "get everyone who's injured, carrying an illegal weapon, or not buckled up home. NOW!"

"Everyone else," you continue, as some of the most suspicious people in your car vanish in a series of teleport 'pops', "try to look legal!"

There's a fast rearrangement of James and the remaining magical girls onto the bench seat where Myrna was just laying, and you come to a halt on the shoulder, rolling your window down.

You give them a few seconds to get settled, then you flick your dome lights on, and wait, as you see the taillights of Kelly's Mercedes disappear around the bend in front of you.

After what seems like an eternity, a cop walks up to your window.

"You know why I pulled you over today?" she asks, leaning an arm on your van's windowsill.

"No, ma'am," you say, keeping your hands on the steering wheel. You've heard people say the police are controlled by demons, or are demons themselves, but making the first move is probably a bad idea.

"Your left taillight's out," she says, "license and registration?"

"Can Mary," you say, jerking your head at the goddess you've got as your co-pilot, "get the registration out of the glovebox? License is in my pocket."

"Sure," the officer says, smiling at her, "is she your daughter?"

"Nah," Mary says, opening the glove compartment, then smiling back at the officer, "I'm on his daughter's softball team. He's driving us back from practice," she continues, leaning over you to hand the minivan's registration to the officer.

You reach into your back pocket for your wallet, fumble through it, and then hand over your license.

"It'll take me just a minute to run these!" the police officer says with a smile, and walks back to her car.

Then your phone rings.

"Hello?" you answer.

"Want me to take the shot?" you hear, in Kelly's unmistakable 'three months to live lung cancer victim' voice, "I'm on the grassy knoll."

>Chill, man. Seems like a routine stop.
>Ask the car if the police officer seemed like a demon - if yes, then tell Kelly to do it
>WRITE IN

>>2747155
It never actually occurred to me that fafnir died from that because I figured that it had to be far more difficult to actually kill a dragon or any supernatural being that quietly. I would have thought that trying that to any sufficiently powerful being would roast at least a few city blocks and be noticeable.

>>2753527
>>Chill, man. Seems like a routine stop.

>>2753527
>>Chill, man. Seems like a routine stop.
Even if she is a demon, unless she suspects us for not being mundane, we shouldn't have anything to worry about. Dealing with killing a cop would be a mess and a half, even if the actual killing is simple.

>>2753527
>>Chill, man. Seems like a routine stop.
Everyone's playing nice so far, but can we have Kelly on hair trigger just in case?

>>2753527
>Keep an eye on her, but don't try anything just yet.
She seems normal for a LEO but I wouldn't be surprised if there were demons that could hold their shit together much better than most.

>>2753527
>>Chill, man. Seems like a routine stop.
Although it’s good to know he has a bead on her if things go tits up.

>>2753527
>We're just letting it be a routine stop. Know anyone that can safely alter the name/plate that's entered into the police database?


I'm pretty sure that there's gonna be demons trying to check out on if our house is magical or something when they start doing investigations now that we're in the system.
It's better than dead cops since I feel like that's when the cops that are actually demons start going on a warpath because they think it's a possible attack on them.

>>2753543
Smart idea, I forgot about that.
I'm supporting this.

>>2753531
>that quietly
Bernie & Heinrich (who dragged Fafnir into the alley to kill him, after he started yelling about the opera being inaccurate) and Iris (who kept watching the opera after that) told intersecting stories about that night at the opera. Apparently that production of Wagner's Ring Cycle fell victim to the 'supernatural figures involved in the plot show up, knock out the actors, and show them how to REALLY DO IT' curse, and the opera house ended up (in Heinrich's words) "more on fire than the alley, and we were slaying a dragon back there, so..."

It's not that it was quiet, it's that there was already a huge fire so nobody noticed it. And/or it was covered up with Bernie's stash of dragon gold.

>>2753543
Already voted but this is a good idea regardless if we ask about it now or later.

>>2753543
The police use government databases, things like our car tags and address are already accessible to them, they currently have no reason to suspect us of not being normal,and there's no way they have the manpower to literally go door-to-door searching houses.

>>2753527
> WRITE IN.
Shake our head and mumble something about a wrong number. Make sure he can see the shake of our head.

We can't just start talking about stuff like that where the cop can hear us. The 'Chill, man' approach makes us look far more suspicious, if they think we need to tell someone that.

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>>2753527
"Chill, man," you say, "look up anyone who can clean data afterward, but if it goes south..." you tell him, and hang up.

You don't want to be on the phone when the perky policewoman shows back up.

Freebles pops back in, and perches on your shoulder.

"Any demons around, bro?" you ask him. He's been your most reliable demon detector so far.

He sniffs the air, then tells you "only that guy I pulled out of your car, why?"

The the police officer comes back to your window.

"Ooh!" she says, handing back your license and registration, "a pet ferret? Can I, uh, pet him?"

"Sure," you say, and she's scratching Freebles behind the ears as he makes little noises of enjoyment.

As you hand the registration papers back to Mary to stash in the glove compartment, and retain your license to put back in your wallet, you realize there's an extra piece of paper.

A business card from the chief of police. You glance at the back, and see a hastily-penned 'call me', and a different number than the one on the front of the card.

"He's a cute little thing, isn't he?" the police officer says with a smile, leaning back from the window, "or is it a she?"

"It's a he," you tell her.

"She's not a demon, bro," Freebles whispers in your ear too softly for anyone else to hear, "but I can smell them on her. And she's got... really good fingers," he purrs.

"Make sure you get someone to change your taillights!" the officer says, starting to turn back toward her car, "I'm not going to bother with a warning - I'm sure you'll get it fixed!"

>Have a good night, officer
>Seize her and throw her in the back - she might be leverage
>Call Kelly and tell him it's gone south, and he should kill the officer
>Alright, girls, that's how you deal with police - be respectful, and sometimes it works out.
>WRITE IN

>>2753589
>Have a good night, officer

Then, once she is gone,
>Alright, girls, that's how you deal with police - be respectful, and sometimes it works out.

>>2753589
>Seize her and throw her in the back - she might be leverage

>>2753589
>Have a good night, officer...
See if she'll give out her name.
>Alright, girls, that's how you deal with police - be respectful, and sometimes it works out.
Then panic internally.

>>2753589
>>Have a good night, officer
>Alright, girls, that's how you deal with police - be respectful, and sometimes it works out.

>>2753589
Alright, girls, that's how you deal with police - be respectful, and sometimes it works out.
Even more so if you gove them something fluffy to tuch at lest for thr girls

>>2753589
>>Alright, girls, that's how you deal with police - be respectful, and sometimes it works out.

>>2753589
>>Alright, girls, that's how you deal with police - be respectful, and sometimes it works out.
Then call Kelly and let him know that the chief of police wants to speak to us.

>>2753559
Literally not the point anon. They generally should be able to figure out where the shots were fired from. Then basic detective work would be to check any vehicles that left the area shortly afterwards That then tells the demons to stage a home invasion gone wrong or abduction like what happened to Harriet.
They don't actually have to give a shit about procedure and they're already going to be pissed, so taking down anyone who might be the cause is better than letting somebody go who could be the culprit.
>>2753589
Have a good night officer.
Girls always remember to be respectful to the police. They do a great job of serving the community.(Ham it up to be really wholesome without doing something that might tick her off.)
Kelly, I don't think any of us are getting some sleep until this is over. Meeting when we get back at the house.
>Text Liska and ask her if she can make some coffee strong enough to wake the dead or at least make us not sleep for the next 2 days.

>>2753589
"Have a good night officer," you say, and she nods at you, then walks back to her car.

"Alright, girls," you say, rolling up your windows, "that's how you deal with police - be respectful, and sometimes it works out."

"Yeah," James says, "that's a good idea," and the cruiser pulls back onto the road around you and turns off its lights, "except we just got into a government database within spitting distance of a satellite shootdown!"

"And I just got her number," you say impelled by your misspent youth, looking back at him and flashing the backside of the business card, "or the chief of police wants to talk to me without dragging me into a cell."

Luckily, it seems that both Melon and Sue got yanked back home by Freebles before a cute chick gave you a piece of paper with a hastily-scrawled phone number and 'call me' on it.

Well, they were wearing illegal weapons.

But you know what interpretation they would have put on it.

"You either have the most fuckin' game I've ever seen," James says, grinning, "or a demon police chief that wants to negotiate. I'm not sure which one scares me more."

"I'm more scared of it being her phone number," you tell him, flipping off the dome lights and starting the van back up, "I'm a married man, you know?"

Ok, that gets a few giggles from the magical girls still in the van.

You call Kelly back as you pull onto the road, "we're clear, but-"

"I might know somebody," Kelly cuts you off, "who isn't a fan of those recorded scores."

So everybody's going with the damn 'softball team' cover story? you wonder as he hangs up.

"She was pretty cute, though," Mary says with a grin.

"Have you seen my wife?" you ask her with a look. That shuts her grin down pretty fast.

"And would someone mind explaining why Angus was standing with us, and not Bernie, earlier?" you ask, shooting a glance at Karen in the backseat.

The red on her face (it almost matches her hair) tells you everything you didn't want to know. If that was just a one-time thing, you're a four-eyed fish.

Goddamn teenagers.

Hopefully the minotaur's thinking with his heart, and not just with his dick.

>Then you're all home, you fill your big players in, and call the number
>Then you're at home, checking in with your wife and Harriet
>Fuck it, you dial the number as you drive
>Then you're asking Karen a lot of awkward questions
>WRITE IN

>>2753647
>>Then you're at home, checking in with your wife and Harriet

>>2753647
Kelly. Got a burner cell? I might as well make this call now while somebody else drives.

>>2753647 #
Kelly. Got a burner cell? I might as well make this call now while somebody else drives.

Seconding this write in.

>>2753647
>Then you're at home, checking in with your wife and Harriet

>>2753647
>tell me you at least got farm-grade condoms
>Kelly. Got a burner cell? I might as well make this call now while somebody else drives.
>>2753652
smart, it solves both the issues of geoloc and phone register
but we're probably paranoid

>>2753647
>>Then you're at home, checking in with your wife and Harriet
Calling now is a terrible idea. If it is her number, that's going to be awkward, seeing as it's been less than 5 minutes,

>>2753650
>>2753652
>>2753658
>>2753659
I'm writing on "then you're at home...", but if/when the MC calls that number he will be using a burner - thanks for bringing that up!

I half expect this to turn out to be a coup against the demonic cops by the regular cops.

>>2753673
Don't give him ideas

>>2753647
I don't know if I hope it's hers or not. She should have seen our ring (left hand window is driver's), we driving a minivan, and Mary referenced that we have a daughter.
But if it isn't her's, it means we got made one way or another.

>>2753673
glad to see i'm not the only one

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>>2753647
>>2753647
You punch the button for the radio, and are rewarded with "anything you say can and will be held against you~"

It drowns out the various conversations happening in the backseats, but you can't agree with the singer that you'd trade all your tomorrows for just one yesterday. As much craziness as this has introduced into your life, you're closer to Liska and Melon than you've been in years.

Before you know it, you're pulling back into your driveway, and you tell Mary, "get in the driver's seat, I want to test the brake lights and flashers," then you get out, leaving the minivan running.

Standing behind it, you see her flip through them. All your lights are fine.

God, the magical paranoia is getting to you. But now you're sure that wasn't a routine stop, you think flashing an 'OK' sign at Mary, and then she turns the minivan off, and tosses you the keys as you stride toward your front door.

That phone number's more than some cop with a thing for older men. You feel like you're trapped in the center of wheels within wheels, each spinning around each other.

You walk through your house, giving a nod to the group around Rachel and Myrna laid out in your living room. You see Shirley talking to Melon, decently close, and decently far away from the couch her sister's laid out on.

And you step into Melon's bedroom. Harriet's asleep, and Liska puts a finger to her own amazing lips as she steps into the hallway with you.

"I heard you got a cute cop's phone number?" your wife whispers in you ear, grinning, "you've still got it! And you even had your wedding ring on," she continues, brushing her fingers across your hand.

"I think I actually just got an invitation to negotiate from a demon chief of police," you whisper back, as she presses you against the hallway wall, "my taillights are fine. How's Harriet?"

"She's fine," your wife says, "sleeping it off like a champ," then whispers, "let's talk about what she was saying later. And I want to be on speakerphone when you call that number."

Then the doorbell rings. As if this night couldn't get more complicated.

>Answer the door by yourself.
>Answer the door with as much magical might as you can muster.
>Stand next to the door and dial the number on a burner phone - see if you can hear a ring.
>Let someone else get it.
>WRITE IN

>>2753706
>>WRITE IN
Send freebles out through a window to have a quick look

>>2753706
>Answer the door with as much magical might as you can muster.

>>2753706
>>Answer the door by yourself.

>>2753706
>>Answer the door by yourself.
We wouldn't have been given a number if they were just going to give us a visit, we don't have any reason to expect an attack, and it is still out house. Plus, it could be Fred for all we know.

>>2753706
>>Answer the door by yourself.
Have liska nearby.

We probably want to call our brother in law and tell him we are alive

>>2753729
Seconding.

>>2753706
>Ask Freebles if he senses demons outside. Yell "i'll be down in a secto make it seem like you got caught off guard while brushing your teeth or something, hide the shotgun in an reasonable alcove nearby for if you have to DODGE an attack while adhering to proper gun safety like not keeping the thing loaded. Fluster up your clothes a little with Liska to make it look like you were "rudely interrupted."

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>>2753706
"Sounds like I want you playing backup for me a bit sooner than that," you tell her as the doorbell rings again, "particularly if that's Ellie. I think you'd like her."

"From you stories," Liska says, pacing down the hallway next to you with a grin pasted across her face, "sounds like I would."

"Freebles," you mutter at the ferret in your pocket, "peek out a window and get back to me. Don't be seen," and he hares off to do it.

As you walk through your house, you can feel the tension in the air. You see those expressions - you saw enough of them back in the day: ready to die, ready to kill, ready to do anything for what they believe in.

"OR WHO THEY BELIEVE IN!" you hear screaming through your temples as you pass Sue. So she picked the sword back up.

"I want this," you say, "to look normal from the front entryway!" and everyone scrambles.

There's a slight nostalgia for the days when a ring on the doorbell was just a girl scout troop selling cookies, or boy scouts with their popcorn, or Mormon missionaries.

Not a reason for two squads in your house to move furniture and assume battle positions.

"Boss," Freebles says, returning to your shoulder, and he feels a little heavier, "one demon, one squad car, that's it."

A demon in a squad car, huh?

So he wasn't going to wait for you to call?

He can't kill you before your crew takes him down, you think, as Freebles jumps off your shoulder, out of sight, and you open the door into a grizzled face that screams either "failed marriage" or "widower".

Of course he's got a cigarette. You're going to die of secondhand smoke before this is over.

"Sorry to come by so late," he says, "I'm Richard Dawson, chief of police, and I'd like to have a friendly chat, if you would? Please call me 'Rick' - it's an unofficial call."

So he followed you here that fast off the address on your registration?

>Sorry, you're staying on my porch.
>Only if you show me your true form - in the backyard
>Chief Dawson - uh, Rick, would you care to step inside?
>That was fast work.
>WRITE IN

>>2753762
>>Chief Dawson - uh, Rick, would you care to step inside?

>>2753762
>Chief Dawson - uh, Rick, would you care to step inside?
Might as well play it cordial and dumb until he tops his hand. Plus we have enough magical girls to make him have a pretty bad time.

>>2753762
>>That was fast work.
We've got most of our group around the corner; we only said to make it look good from the entryway.

Still, I'm willing to be cordial as long as he is.

>>2753762
>"Is something wrong, officer, uh, Rick?"
start the chat here, i guess?

>>2753762
>Chief Dawson - uh, Rick, would you care to step inside?
Establish that he's walking onto a particularly volatile minefield. Don't say as such, but the mere presence of a fuckload of magical girls oughta scare him.

>>2753762
>There's no smoking in my house so I'll need you to put that out before I consider letting you in during the middle of the night. Mind telling me what this is all about?

>>2753782
In retrospect,we have tables and seats on the lawn that we've been using for all those parties. Probably best to have a chat outside? Ask if he wants to have the chat indoors or outdoors?

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>>2753762
"Chief Dawson," you say, "uh, Rick - care to step inside? We were just about to have a late dinner," you say, shooting a glance at Liska's barely visible eyes in the kitchen.

"I'd hate to impose on a family meal," he says, "I'd hoped to only be here for a few minut-" he begins, and then sniffs, "is that steaks I smell?"

"I grilled them myself," you say, as he stands in front of your door, "but I'm afraid that was lunch."

"You do weekends right!" he shouts, slapping his leg, "by the way, do you mind if I smoke inside?"

"I'd prefer if you didn't," you tell him, thinking of Kelly, and then Rick stubs out his cigarette on his shoe.

"Then I'll refrain," he says.

"Out of curiosity," you say, your body still blocking him from the rest of the house as you hear Shelby issuing orders in the kitchen like he's marshalling incompetent sous-chefs, "is something wrong, officer?"

"As I said," Rick tells you, "this is a very unofficial call. I," he says, and his gaze bores into you, "have no quarrel with you."

"Then don't start one," you say, stepping aside and letting him in, meeting his eyes, getting a very small nod.

"I think we might have a good conversation in the backyard," you tell him, then, "anything you need me to hit on the grill?" you ask the kitchen in general.

Shelby shoves a platter of raw meat at you, "mostly smoked, half cooked, we'll finish it in here," he says, with a deadly glare at the police chief, "let me know what you smoked it with when you bring it back."

Low-temp fire, good flavored wood chips on it, that sounds like it could be good, you think, crossing the spotless and uninhabited living room with your guest.

"I hope I'm not imposing," Rick says, as you open the doors to the backyard.

"Grab the woodchips and the electric starter from the shed," you tell him closing the doors behind you, are he runs off to do it, as you ponder what tack you should take with this guy.

>Get your wizards and magical girl leaders out here for this
>Fast work, huh?
>I hear you've been having trouble with Gusion's guys?
>So, uh, what's a police chief want to discuss on a cordial visit to my house?
>WRITE IN

>>2753798
I almost want to go with this:
>I hear you've been having trouble with Gusion's guys?

But I think this might be the smarter option, trying to place him in the position of disclosing first.
>So, uh, what's a police chief want to discuss on a cordial visit to my house?

>>2753798
>So, uh, what's a police chief want to discuss on a cordial visit to my house?

>>2753798
>Get your wizards and magical girl leaders out here for this. Discretely of course. Still should play dumb and cordial.

>>2753798
>So, uh, what's a police chief want to discuss on a cordial visit to my house?

>>2753798
>>So, uh, what's a police chief want to discuss on a cordial visit to my house?

>>2753798
>So, uh, what's a police chief want to discuss on a cordial visit to my house?

>>2753798
Is there something I should know about as a concerned citizen? I've not been catching the news for a while.

Did the policegirl plant a bug on Freebles while scratching his head?

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>>2753798
You're going to play it cool as long as you can. Freebles says he's a demon. You've heard Gusion's guys have been mixing it up with the local demon cops. And now the police chief is here? On a 'very unofficial' house call?

At the house of the guy who might as well be wearing a jersey with "GUSION'S #1 ENEMY" painted on it?

"Ok," Rick says, several bags of wood chips in one hand and an electric started in the other, "how many smoking woods do you have?"

"Not enough," you tell him, "did you grab the apple? I think apple might be best for this," you say, grabbing the starter from him and shoving it into the pile of charcoal, " now we wait for it to catch. So what's a police chief want to discuss on a cordial, unofficial visit to my house?"

"Mind if I light up?" Rick asks, leaning back against your house and pulling out a cigarette.

"You'll make less smoke than the grill," you tell him, and he does it, taking a big pull.

"Don't play dumb," he says, exhaling a cloud of smoke, "you know what I'm here about. Gusion's idiots have been a pain in my ass for a month. Someone shot down a few satellites and I have your plates very close to the discharge point."

"I had a perfectly innocent reason for being on that road," you tell him, "driving my daughter and her friends by from softball practice. And my taillights weren't out."

Rick laughs.

"You think we need a reasonable excuse?" he asks, "I can hand you to the Feds, cuffed and tied. I'm pretty sure there were at least ten magical girls in your house."

>So, that cute number that gave me your business card - she your..?
>If you were going to do that, you wouldn't be here tonight. I think we've got a common enemy. That you aren't strong enough to kill.
>Swear fealty to me. If your current boss can't protect you from 'Gusion's idiots'...
>I want to see your true form, and I want to see you fight someone from my honor guard, before I even THINK you're worth listening to
>WRITE IN

>>2753836
>If you were going to do that, you wouldn't be here tonight. I think we've got a common enemy. That you aren't strong enough to kill.

>>2753836
>If you were going to do that, you wouldn't be here tonight. I think we've got a common enemy. That you aren't strong enough to kill.

>>2753836
>If you were going to do that, you wouldn't be here tonight. I think we've got a common enemy. That you aren't strong enough to kill.

>>2753836
>If you were going to do that, you wouldn't be here tonight. I think we've got a common enemy. That you aren't strong enough to kill.

>>2753836
>i guess that was your associate on the road earlier? why didn't you leave me enough time to call?
>If you were going to do that, you wouldn't be here tonight. I think we've got a common enemy. That you aren't strong enough to kill.
>I do already have plans to get rid of Guison.

>>2753836
>If you were going to do that, you wouldn't be here tonight. I think we've got a common enemy. That you aren't strong enough to kill.
>And I’m playing dumb because my neighbor isn’t privy to what you and I know. It’s actually oddly comforting, like a little oasis of normalcy.

>>2753845
good deflection, i like it

>>2753836
>If you were going to do that, you wouldn't be here tonight. I think we've got a common enemy. That you aren't strong enough to kill.
Call him on his bullshit, move forward.

>>2753836
Do you mind telling me what you're actually here to beg me to do instead of the usual idiotic posturing? I'm getting really sick of you magical types threatening homicide as the first choice instead of just asking like a sane person. Half the time it ends up being a request to do something I'm already trying and they're getting in the way.

>>2753851
Runs the risk of getting him dragged into it as a hostage, but then again, he's "Do not be afraid" wearing a very convincing mask.

>>2753836
>Write in for before he leaves maybe?
So what the hell got you guys in bed with demons? I didn't completely believe that shit about you guys just being demon lapdogs until tonight.

>>2753864
The police chief is _literally_ a demon. The answer to that is "being born".

>>2753864
Derp . nvm. Freebles report sounded like his backup in the squad car was the demon he detected since the chief was ringing the doorbell. Probably just a phrasing error on the QM's part or our MC just needs some sleep since he's getting confused?

>>2753869
No backup either. Just a demon and a squad car.

>>2753868
Freebles detected one demon and that demon was in the car. The chief had rung the doorbell which means he's not the demon and probably actually human because he's at our door.
It's just a QM error that I failed to notice until all of 5 seconds later.

>>2753864
I’m also curious why the rats are hunting demons anyway. It’s not exactly like the rats are paragons of any morality, nor is harvesting the fallen is the most efficient way to get energy. This guy is probably high enough up the totem pole to answer.

>>2753872
I suppose the miscommunication is that it's never specified whether there's more than one person showing up. What I got from that was that only one person was here, as well as an empty squad car, yielding Dawson as the demon.

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>>2753836
"If you were going to do that," you say, stirring the coals, "you wouldn't be here tonight."

Rick grimaces. And you can almost see something terrifyingly red behind his face.

"I think we've got a common enemy," you say, "that you, even as police chief, aren't strong enough to kill."

Rick glares at you.

"And my..." he trails off, his face getting deadlier.

"Honestly," you tell him, and then realize what's going on with the grill, "oh, hand me the apple chips - I think the fire's died down enough for us to start smoking."

Rick gives you a handful, and you start setting up to smoke.

That's, uh, prettymuch exactly the right amount.

"I'm rather impressed by you," you say, as you poke and prod the chips and charcoal into a good smoking configuration, "you've been almost subtle. That wasn't the sort of flat death threat I've come to expect from supernatural folks lately. And anyone who knows this much about smoking has to be a decent guy."

"I'm the Chief of Police," Rick says, with a wry smile, "I try to be a decent guy."

>What, did you go native?
>So, 'and your'...?
>I'm sure you'll understand, but you're going to have to fight one of my honor guard before I'll take you seriously.
>So why do demons become cops?
>WRITE IN

>>2753871
>>2753876

I see where the mess-up on my part was. MC thought demon in a squad car so I assumed that meant there was a demon in a squad car .
Plus cops tend to go in at least groups of two which is why we have buddy cop movies.

>>2753864
>>2753868
>>2753869
>>2753871
>>2753872
>>2753876
There was one entity, and one (empty) squad car. The entity ringing the MC's doorbell was a demon. Thanks to >>2753721 writing in checking with Freebles, the MC knows this 'Richard Dawson, Chief of Police' is actually a fuckin' demon.

Sorry if I didn't accurately convey that.

And part of the reason nobody else reacted is that they just saw the MC negotiate with another demon.

>>2753879
>So, 'and your'...?

>So why do demons become cops? Is it good Dental or something?

>>2753882
>Plus cops tend to go in at least groups of two which is why we have buddy cop movies.
Buddy cop movies are awesome, but this was a "very unofficial..." thing, probably just using the car on his way home.

>>2753889
good knee specialist

>>2753879
>What, did you go native?
>So why do demons become cops?
>Why would the rats make magical girls to hunt you guys in the first place?

>>2753891
I see because all those foot patrols are Hell on the joints

>>2753879
>So, 'and your'...?
And
>>2753893

>>2753879
>So why do demons like to work in law enforcement anyway? Trying to feel like an angel again?
>So got any dirt on Gaston that might be useful? I know he's a sore loser with a limp that's going to cost him his twister championship but not much else.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuJTqmpBnI0

>>2753886
17:04 - 17:20 Voting period.

I want a hard cutoff so I can write with solid options. Write-ins considered while I write as usual.

This might as well be Rick's theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zH2JP4LgaE


>>2753891
Good one, for Duke Peg-leg!

>>2753903
Little late, but seconding.

>>2753879
>So why do demons become cops? Is it a surveillance thing, or do some of you guys care enough about the folks topside to take on this sort of gig?

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>>2753879
"So," you ask, leaning back against the wall, "why do demons go into law enforcement? Good dental plan? Knee specialists?"

"You want the honest truth?" Rick asks you, "yeah, of course you would. Cocksucker! We thrive on strong emotion. Suffering. Lust. Anger. We FEED on them," he says, pupils pinpricks as we looks at you, "and where better to glean it than as a police officer? A murder?" he asks, "the hatred of the murderer! The murdered's hate! A robbery? The torture of the robbed, as they see their life's assets stripped from them! Hell," he continues, "even the anguish of the old lady that lost her cat last thursday, and the triumph of having returned it! Justice," he says, "gives the greatest harvest. Every one of you hates it."

"Why torture a soul in Hell when you could just come to earth and feed on humans torturing each other each other?" Rick asks you.

That's, well, that's one way of looking at it.

'Justice is revenge with a veneer of legality,' soars through your head in Madison's voice.

Well, you don't know what human categories could even apply to this guy, for all he looks like a cigarette-munching police chief. 'Sadist' is probably the closest you could get.

"And the absolute elation of people when they feel justice has been done!" Rick says, and you feel like he's reliving something before your eyes, "it's hard to come by, but it's sweet."

Deriving pleasure from all sides of a criminal proceeding? No wonder the legal system is so fucked.

"And your...?" you ask, hearkening back to an earlier statement.

"My boss won't come for me," he says, looking you dead in the eye, "he won't give me any more troops to fight Gusion's incursions, we're written off already. But we'll fight. We'll die - we'll kill as many as we can!" Rick says, grinning.

>Then die for him. I don't care.
>Then live for me - swear loyalty. I'll be a better boss.
>Fight one of my honor guard, and I might let you serve me.
>You seem like a family man - how does that square with all this?
>WRITE IN

>>2753939
>And who, and WHAT is your boss?

>>2753939
>OneOfTheseIsRick.jpg
And the other is us. Fitting, really.

>>2753939
>Mind if I ask who your boss is? Chances are I'll have to see him at some point.
>You seem like a family man - how does that square with all this?

>>2753939
>You seem like a family man - how does that square with all this?
I'd hesitate to get into the whole swearing loyalty thing right now, we seem like we're missing a piece of the picture. On the other hand, the iron's hot (or at least warm) right now, so I'd flow into this in the same conversation.
>Then live for me - swear loyalty. I'll be a better boss.

>>2753939
That sounds like an absurd amount of work to do instead of getting into the entertainment industry even if you do a crappy job you end up with a bunch of pissed off people for months.

>>2753939
>>You seem like a family man - how does that square with all this?
lets not get confrontational here yet, we have no actual reason to do so yet.

>>2753939
>You seem like a family man - how does that square with all this?

>>2753948
Making them our pawns also seems kinda dumb when they're the "food source" for our girls.
Where did the family man thing come from anyway?

>>2753957
I could be misreading your statement (punctuation, dude), but the biggest issue with the entertainment industry is that there's a _huge_ amount of effort to get that sort of genuine emotion. Even if you release the most horrible movie or album, most people move on rather than letting it grow to consume their entire being; crime, on the other hand, has a much greater and more lasting impact on people's emotions, and all the heavy work (read: committing a crime) is done by someone else.

>>2753974
> Making them our pawns also seems kinda dumb when they're the "food source" for our girls.
Point. On the other hand, so is our sister, and we're not feeding her to the rats, either.
>Where did the family man thing come from anyway?
The update. It's a listed option. In terms of characterization, the way the chief handles himself around our home.

>>2753939
"You seem like a family man," you say, "how does that square with all of this?"

"I'm very single," he tells you, "after that nephilim thing, they decided we shouldn't piss off heaven too much. The kids are all adopted."

"A mad priest told me god was dead," you say, "so take that as you will."

"I will to take it with a shaker of salt," Rick says, "mad priests end up in chains in the Neva river."

"But you feel like a family man," you tell him, "did you go native or something?"

"I merely realized," he says, with a glint in his eyes, "that your justice, your morality, only offers more places around the edges for me to feed. I think we're getting away fro-"

"And who's your boss?" you ask, interrupting him, "who's the fuckface who was willing to you let die here?"

"Doesn't matter," Rick says, with a grin, and you see something red flickering behind him, "Focalor can suck my cock!" he yells at the sky.

You hear a rumble like thunder.

And you feel something horrifying breaking through reality from another side. Your crew is running out from the house like an antmound that's been poked.

>You do you. Fight him, Rick.
>Swear loyalty to me, and you'll have backup, Rick.
>Girls, wizards, let's kill this Duke of Hell that's made the mistake of showing his face here!
>Hey, who's Focalor?
>WRITE IN

>>2753982
Yeah, I don't really see it. My impression was much closer to the word "Junkie" than "family man" thanks to the dilated pupils and whatnot.

IT is going to feed demons for decades and all they have to do is dress up as a clown or make a random balloon float out of a sewer vent. Alternatively they could join the staff at a hospital. Tons of emotions running around there. Being demon cops just seems super limited since crime statistics aren't THAT high. Cops going on strike against unnecessary arrests/etc in NY a few years ago dropped crime by 90% because it turns out there wasn't that much actual crime for them to be dealing with. Translate that into this setting and that means the cops have to be working their asses off to actively create reasons to get cops hated or mistrusted for their fix.

I half suspect that Guiston's demons are in charge of Disney for exactly this reason and the Gaston song is a tribute to their boss.

>>2753939
>>2754013
Well there goes my change of plans to make the demon cops straighten out and actually fight crime
>>2754013
>It turns out to be our sister taking the invite since she didn't bother to do the hell>Earth time conversion math properly.

>>2754013
>>Swear loyalty to me, and you'll have backup, Rick.

>>2754027
>And she's nonchalantly holding focalator's head.

>Girls, wizards, let's kill this Duke of Hell that's made the mistake of showing his face here!

>>2754027
>Being demon cops just seems super limited since crime statistics aren't THAT high
It's not as much about every situation being a real crime, but that every situation they get pulled into has emotions running really high.

Also the fact that they make great pawns for their demon lords in that profession, and can cover up the everything behind the curtain.

>cops have to be working their asses off to actively create reasons to get cops hated or mistrusted for their fix.
That's definitely a thing.

>>2754013
>Hey, who's Focalor?
>Swear loyalty to me, and you'll have backup, Rick.
>WRITE IN
>>"Okay let's see who the heck's on our front lawn BEFORE we decide they're gonna get lit up or not, okay?"

Don't wanna accidentally swiss cheeseify our sister if she's the one who showed up.

>Swear loyalty to me, and you'll have backup, Rick.

>>2754013
>write in : It turns out to be our sister.
Rather not start up a battle with a SECOND duke so soon.

>>2754013
>Hey, who's Focalor?
>"Okay let's see who the heck's on our front lawn BEFORE we decide they're gonna get lit up or not, okay?"
Seconding.

>inb4 it's loli
Pls give us more cute daughter like nanako

>>2754013
>IF YOU SO MUCH AS RUIN MY LAWN ASSHOLE, I'M SENDING YOU BACK

>>2754065
>Not summoning generations of American dadliness by saying"Get off my lawn kids"

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>>2754013
"Who's Focalor?" you yell.

"My ex-boss," Rick says, "I commanded his legion in this city, but fuck him!"

"Swear fealty to me," you say, "and we'll help you against him."

"DONE," Rick yells, "LORD AND MASTER!" as spacetime rips open and disgorges...

Ok, that's a 'man with griffon's wings'. He certainly slammed through a portal where one of his underlings just shouted defiance at him.

But he doesn't have a head.

"FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME!" Ellie yells, riding the corpse out of a portal into your backyard, and holding up what's probably Focalor's head, "DON'T INTERRUPT ME! WHO'S THE SUMMONER AND WHO WANTS TO NOT DIE? YOU IDIOTS HAVE TO STOP SUMMONING THESE GUYS RIGHT AS I'M KILLING THEM!"

Rick looks over at you, then kneels.

"I shouted defiance at his grace Focalor," Rick says, "but since then I swore loyalty to," and he gestures at you, "I believe Focalor began teleporting when he perceived my treachery."

Ellie's eyes trail from Rick to you, and then they widen.

"Brother," she says, breathlessly.

You barely manage to restrain yourself from yelling 'LIQUID!'.

Shit, your sister is really killing her way through the ruling class of Hell.

"He swore 'loyalty', huh?" Ellie says, "you should know how little that means to him."

"And does family mean that little to you?" you ask, "please, have dinner with us, as it please 'your grace'."

"If you're serving the family recipes," Ellie say dismounting gracefully from the demon's corpse, "if it's like mom made it."

"I'd stake my life on it," you tell her, "does my life mean that little?"

"I'll find that out once I sample the cooking," Elie says, striding into you house,

>W, put down a circle around the entire place
>So that's my sister
>Just follow her in
>You had stuff on the grill, didn't you?
>WRITE IN

>>2754013
Tell his boss to shit the fuck down and wait as we are having a bbq and he can wait till after we are done cooking

>>2754080
>W, put down a circle around the entire place
>Follow her inside
> Get someone (Shelby?) to get the steaks from the grill.

>>2754080 #
>W, put down a circle around the entire place
>Follow her inside
> Get someone (Shelby?) to get the steaks from the grill.

Seconding

>>2754080
>You had stuff on the grill, didn't you?
Any country girl would never let her brother live it down if he burned the steaks.
>Ask Ellie and W if it would be best to use a circle to hide her demon juice so we dont get any unwanted attention.
>Make sure to get a girls consent before you trap her in a magic circle, only polite after all.

Hell she might be able to hide it on her own.

Also
>"FAMILY ASSEMBLE!"

I just want to see Ellie's face when one of the magical girls (probably Sue) pops out from a ceiling tile and just bat-hangs behind her (if it is Sue then she will probably be thinking "Damnit, not MORE competition! JUST LOOK at the WIFE! I already have ENOUGH trouble and now ANOTHER BIG-TITTIED BLONDE just HAS to show up and is all over him....Wait, did he just call her his sister, like an actual sister or like Mary is his "sister"... this could make things easier... or if my Japanese Anime's are to be trusted, MUCH more difficult..."

>>2754080
W, put down a circle around the entire place

>>2754080
Ohshit
>So that's my sister
>You had stuff on the grill, didn't you?

>>2754080
>You had stuff on the grill, didn't you?
She'd never let us live down burning our steaks. It might even be fatal, since she's a Demon and all.
>Write in
>>Have the wife and daughter introduce themselves while Shelby and us rescue the meat

>>2754080
>>2754099
second

>>2754080
>>W, put down a circle around the entire place
>>So that's my sister

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>>2754080
Oh shit...
>So that's my sister
>You had stuff on the grill, didn't you?

I will say, that felt a bit shoehorned in my opinion. She just so happened to be killing this One dude just as this demon we just met maybe ten minutes ago swears his undying allegiance with no second thought.

But hey, we're here now, this has got momentum, let's see where it goes!

>>2754080
>Rick take the food off of the grill and come inside.
>Follow our sister in
>Rattle off ingredients for Shelby to see if we have in stock and send him + freebles out to somewhere with daylight so that he can bug a freshly killed/butchered pig from a farm for roasting.
>Ask Liska to bring us our "World's Greatest Dad" apron.
>Ask Mary to check up on Harriet.
>Introduce Melon and Liska
> Mention that it's about time to teach Melon the secret family recipe and ask Elanor if she wants to help out.

>>2754123
Not really. We knew from all of the other posts concerning her that she's been rip and tearing her way through all of Hell fast enough that she's generally in charge of Hell come apocalypse time. Her darling little brother getting into trouble with Guiston gave her an incentive to target the demon in charge of our home.

>>2754123
>I will say, that felt a bit shoehorned in my opinion
Eh, I had some votes/write-ins for her, and she's got a history of killing demons just as they got pulled in by whoever tried summoning them.

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>>2754080
"W," you say, trusting that the grill lured him outside, "or James, or Kelly, WHATEVER WIZARDS I'VE GOT! CIRCLE THIS WHOLE PLACE!"

You barely notice the wizards start running with spraypaint. Ellie's here. The sister you thought was dead for thirty years, and then met in Hell for a minute.

Elanor, Duchess of Hell, just walked into your house.

And she just surfed Focalor's corpse into your backyard as he tried porting in on an underling that rebelled against him. A possibly less psychotic underling than some other demons.

Wait a second. If Focalor's guy was Chief of fucking Police here, and Ellie was killing Focalor, then...

You don't know how Hell politics work. But if Gusion's idiots were fighting Focalor's guys in the city, Ellie sending you a warning about Gusion, uh, you remember the 'sibling courtesy' line from her butler. And how he said 'you got it'.

You didn't get it then, but you get it now. There's a power struggle in Hell, and Ellie wanted you to distract Gusion, probably while she took his holdings in Hell. Only dumb luck or crazy fate dictated that Rick would summon Focalor right before she killed him, and she'd get pulled in with his body into your backyard.

And now she's in your house, with your family.

"So that's my sister," you say to the backyard at large, as you walk toward the back door.

"Ok," Rick says, forming up with you, two steps behind, "I'm glad I signed up with you before she killed Focalor. I'll die for you, I'll kill for you, but she scares me."

"Will you live for me?" you ask him, putting a hand on the back door, "don't answer that. Live for your kids. And the ones you might have - they're worth the world," and you barely catch the look on his face.

"Oy!" you yell, walking into the living room, "Shelby, mind the meat out there!"

"Sure, boss!" you hear from the kitchen, and then a torrent of directions at everyone else cooking, and the redhead streaks out to the grill.

And you take in the scene in front of you.

"SHE'S MY WIFE, ELLIE!" you yell, once you see what your sister is trying to do to Liska on the couch.

Oh, that's where Melon gets it.

You don't want to think about genetic attraction to fluffy tails right now, you just pull your sister off of Liska.

'fight you, fuck you, kill you, hang you on the wall as a trophy,' Kelly's words about demons impinge themselves in your head as you start wrestling you sister off your wife.

Oh, this is going to get crazy.

>Be a good guest, Jesus!
>Do you need a fight to wind down? I can get you one.
>Just pin your sister in the middle of the living room.
>Goddammit, this is a family visit!
>WRITE IN

>>2754244
>>WRITE IN
>DO WHAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO DO FINALLY
>SHOVE A GAME CONTROLLER IN HER HANDS AND FINALLY WIN ONE GAME (of SMASH) AGAINST HER

>>2754244
>Goddammit, this is a family visit!
>Get her focus on not your wife.

>>2754244
>Just pin your sister in the middle of the living room.

>>2754244
>Goddammit, this is a family visit!
>Go meet your niece and her friends before you make a pass at my wife, damnit!
>AND DON'T KILL THEM! HOLY SHIT!

>>2754244
>Do you need a fight to wind down? I can get you one.

>>2754244
>Put her in headlock and muss her hair like she used to do to you when you were kids.

>>2754244
>Goddammit, this is a family visit!

"I know I suggested you get to know your family but not like this!"

>>2754244
If you don't stop hitting on my wife then I'm not letting you watch the good Indiana Jones movies that you missed tonight!
I'm guessing that she hasn't seen the last crusade and might missed the temple of Doom.

>>2754244
Yer missing a sentence where you actually establish what's going on between Liska and Ellie. Kinda breaks the flow. Yes, I'm sure that was intentional 'cause blue board or whatever.
>Goddammit, this is a family visit!
>DO WHAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO DO FINALLY
>SHOVE A GAME CONTROLLER IN HER HANDS AND FINALLY WIN ONE GAME (of SMASH) AGAINST HER

>>2754244
>Do you need a male kitsune to wind down? I can get you one.
joke vote, but i'm pretty sure i'm too late anyway

>>2754244
All of you weak!
>Join them
>Drag both of them in a room
>Do whatever adult thing inside
Let's get Melon to do her thing

>>2754326
Please pay attention to what the video says regarding sexual relationships with your sister.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wguC89fC5F0

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>>2754244
"Goddammit!" you yell, getting a headlock on your sister and pulling her to livingroom floor, "this is a family visit!"

Then you understand what Kelly was saying about her. She's not the older sister you looked up to, who noogie'd you - she's a raging demon.

You can barely keep the surest submission hold on her, an elbow around her windpipe, anchored by an arm behind her head.

"I wanted you to get to know them," you gasp out, "but not like that! God, meet my niece and her friends before you make a pass at my wife!"

"'god' is dead," Ellie whispers, throwing you off onto a couch with a flick of her shoulders, then says, "I didn't think she was with you. She's too hot," and then she grins.

Well, that's definitely also your sister, you think, as Liska growls and lunges at Ellie, and you throw yourself at your sister, joined by a veritable floodtide of magical girls, bearing your sister to the ground.

You hear, "oh, he's WITH me," in Liska's throaty growl, and then she rips off part of your sister's ear with her teeth.

Before you can say anything, Ellie starts laughing, and then Liska answers her with that odd barking laugh.

"I just wanted this to be a nice family visit," you mutter, as blood spatters across your face, and you hear the back door open. Looks like the wizards have finished their work.

Then Kelly starts screaming and flailing his hand around, and Ellie's 'Butler' appears.

"I must say, your grace," and you can hear the monocle in his tones, "this is a most unbecoming display. Neither killing nor fucking - what a rare sight when I come to your side. And how did you lose half an ear to a kitsune?" he asks, swabbing it with alcohol as Ellie yelps. Serves her right.

"It just... happened?" Ellie says, seemingly coming back to normal, "I held back! I didn't destroy the house!"

"Or half the town," Butler says, "you said you were going to go take down Focalor, and then I had to chase you here?"

You can't process things this fast. And judging by the looks around the room, you aren't the only one.

>I'd like you all to meet my sister, Ellie, also known as Elanor, Duchess of Hell
>Can we all just sit down to dinner, please?
>So, Liska, did her ear taste good?
>Uh, it's good to see you again, Ellie.
>WRITE IN

>>2754353
>Can we all just sit down to dinner, please?

>>2754353
>>Can we all just sit down to dinner, please?
>And Focalor is dead, she killed him before her visit.

>>2754353
>I'd like you all to meet my sister, Ellie, also known as Elanor, Duchess of Hell
>Uh, it's good to see you again, Ellie.

>>2754353
>>WRITE IN
>Disappointment Look at everyone

>>2754353
>>Can we all just sit down to dinner, please?
>I'd like you all to meet my sister, Ellie, also known as Elanor, Duchess of Hell
>Uh, it's good to see you again, Ellie.

Now isn't the time, but the ear thing needs to come up later.

>>2754353
>I'd like you all to meet my sister, Ellie, also known as Elanor, Duchess of Hell
>Uh, it's good to see you again, Ellie.

>>2754372
Supporting

>>2754353
Can we all just sit down to dinner, please?

>>2754353
>I'd like you all to meet my sister, Ellie, also known as Elanor, Duchess of Hell
>Uh, it's good to see you again, Ellie.

>>2754353
>>2754372
Supporting this

Fucking hell... I don't even know how to respond to that...
Let's just... eat... and I mean actually eat, not... oh fuck it.

>>2754353
backing this >>2754372


Remember dragons eat fuckers to get power supposedly, So maybe thats what just happened?

Suppose Ellie didn't get the "No Ellie, you are the demons" treatment, think she would have aged as gracefully as the MC did, if not moreso? Chances are, she might've ended up looking like Lancer Arturia, tig ol' biddies and all. Well, in her prime, at least.

>>2754353
>I'd like you all to meet my sister, Ellie, also known as Elanor, Duchess of Hell
>Uh, it's good to see you again, Ellie.
>Can we all just sit down to dinner, please?

>>2754353
I'm starting to trust that butler even less than before.
How did he get past the barrier the wizards just made?

>>2754427
He teleported in directly via the summoning seal that's burnt into Kelly's hand.

>>2754372
Seconding.

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>>2754353
You look as disappointed as you can, given that you're tangled up in your wife, who has a bloody maw, a pile of magical girls, and your sister, who seems to have decided that flat-out succubus sheik is the fashion for Duchesses of Hell.

Nobody you can see gives a shit.

"I'd like you all to meet my sister," you say, "Ellie. Also known as Elanor, Duchess of Hell."

"There are several other titles you should use when announcing her grace," Butler says, "for instance-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Ellie yells at him, "Ellie's good enough!"

"Of course," Butler says, "your Ellieship."

You say his monocle gleam on that one, and you can feel your sister's chest heave to deliver a salvo of invectives.

Then the back door opens, revealing Shelby carrying a tray of meat.

"Let's get-" he starts, and then sees the pile in the center of the living room, "am I interrupting some-"

"NO," Butler says, "you're not interrupting anything, kindly disentangle your kitchen staff before it's too late."

Before it's too late?

Then Shelby, bless him, names everyone in the pile except you, Liska, and Ellie as his kitchen staff.

And he puts them to work,from the yells and screams you can hear coming out of the kitchen as you manage to get yourself onto a couch.

Seems like dinner's going to be a while.

Of course, Liska's on one side of you, and Ellie's on the other, and you'd really like to NOT THINK AT ALL about which of them is pressing up against you more.

"It's, uh, good to see you again, Ellie," you say, "and, you know, not in chains."

"I rather liked how you looked in chains," you sister says, pressing herself against you as Liska growls, "I do wish your wife was here, Kelly," Ellie purrs, and the assassin blanches, "I'd really like to go for another thre-"

"OH, FUCK!" resounds from the kitchen, as a torrent of flame rises from the stovetop and you take the excuse to get the hell off that couch and into the kitchen.

"The hell did you do?" you ask Shelby, who's tossing something in a wok.

"What I thought best for my eldest brother and my father," he whispers to you, as he stirs it around.

>How's the cooking going?
>Sue, you want to fight Ellie? Because I think that might quiet her down.
>Anything I can do to help?
>Please tell me food will be ready shortly. Please.
>WRITE IN

>>2754448
>WRITE IN
>"Shelby, you are a good man. I approve. Of everything."

>>2754448
>Thank you Shelby, You are best child.
>How's the cooking going?
>Anything I can do to help?

>>2754448
>Anything I can do to help?
We definitely need to de-stress. Cooking should help with that. Or at least helping with the cooking.

>>2754448
Also note to self, Obtain magical technique that allows us to KO sister in the face with punch.

>>2754448
>Anything I can do to help?
>How's the cooking going?

Kelly Edwards was not being figurative about "One minute they want to cry on your shoulder, one minute they want to kill you, and the next, they want to fuck you, or hang you as a trophy."

>>2754448
>>How's the cooking going?
>Anything I can do to help?

>>2754458
We know, we still have to go through hell regardless of having sister come over or not

>>2754448
>>Thank you Shelby, You are best child.
>How's the cooking going?
>Anything I can do to help?

>>2754458
Now that I think about it, wouldn't there be any magical binding rituals that can help stabilize emotions of a target? There's gotta be someone out there who might know a way to do so.

>>2754448
For future reference, it's chic, not sheik. One is a fashion term, the other is a middle-eastern ruler (of the power, not the measuring kind).

>"Shelby, you are a good man. I approve. Of everything."
We even seem to be sort of okay with him and Melon. This is good.
>How's the cooking going?
>Anything I can do to help?

>>2754458
So demonitis is the magical girl equivalent of ADHD/Bipolar.

It fits, I suppose.

>>2754466
And then it turns out you can do that by entirely mundane means. Usually via prescription drugs.

>>2754469
I can actually live with that to be honest

>>2754470
smoke weed so your emotional will stabilize

>>2754466
Well there does seem to be some sort of magical Yakuza ferret that might be able to spurt out whatever type of magic is used for stabilizing magical girls nearby.
>>2754448
>Thanks Shelby
>I'm going to guess that noone knows anything that might make her a bit more... stable?

>>2754480
I think demonic hoodoo and magical girl mojo are two different beasts, here.

>>2754483
Her demon core seems quite a bit more unstable, so I'm guessing that her body technically works about the same and is basically making do with the wrong type of fuel instead of it actually being fundamentally changed? It wouldn't be some 100% transformation, but magical girl mojo might mellow her out to a more reasonable standard of insane. I'm probably no good with this analogy but I guess think of it like she's been running on nitro this whole time instead of regular gasoline?

>>2754448
God a Elizabeth X Liska X Ellie 3some lesbian sex....so hot maybe we insert dad for a 4some.

Fuck I'm so horny right now

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>>2754448
"Shelby," you say in a low voice, "you're a good man. I approve. Of everything."

"You know my thing is swords and stabbing," he mutters back at you.

"You're really trying to get your horse scratched, aren't you?" you whisper to him, "look at my family," and you jerk your head at the dining room, where Ellie's trying to put the moves on anyone within range.

Ok, that's probably a 'Duchess of Hell' thing, and not a family thing. But it's a little hard to differentiate those on the spur of a moment, when she looks so much like she did when she walked into Hell all those years ago.

"How's the cooking?" you ask, "hopefully not well enough I can't help?"

"Want to be my sous-chef?" Shelby asks, and you should know that gleam in his eye in a bad sign.

"Sure," you say anyway, and then you're plunged into the hell of an industrial kitchen. Out of the corner of your eye, you see some of the magical girls duck out during the cooking, and you take over their duties.

"ARE THOSE READY?" Shelby yells at you, half an hour later, "ELDEST BROTHER?"

"They're good!" you call back, "fuckin' plate them!" almost throwing the frying pan at him.

Kid's a slave driver, once he gets into a kitchen.

"They look ok," he says, "WHAT ABOUT THE TOAST?" he roars at you and you check it, pulling it from the oven with your fingers.

"WE'RE SERVING IT ON TOAST, DAMMIT!" Shelby yells, "THAT'S GOTTA BE READY FIRST!"

Maybe you should have just spent the time on the couch with Liska and... ok, playing sous-chef to the iron chef wannabe isn't too bad. It's better than having Ellie, uh...

"GET IT ON THE FUCKIN' PLATES!" Shelby roars, as you jerk back to reality, "IT'S GOING TO GET COLD, ELDEST BROTHER!"

"Fine, fine!" you yell at him, and realize that, you, Shelby, Melon, and Mary are the only ones still in the kitchen. You chuck the toast on the plates.

Is cooking usually this intense? At least he's not yelling at Melon like that.

And you've got to admit, once it's all done, that is a damn good looking dish.

>You sit by Liska at dinner
>You sit by Ellie at dinner
>You wit by Madison at dinner
>You call Shelby a cunt-ridden slave-driver
>WRITE IN

>>2754520
Who the hell is Elizabeth?
Also, for the love of God, no. I've already had it with the whole "the adults are talking", "no men allowed" nonsense in the last update. I don't want any more of that.

>You sit by Ellie at dinner

>>2754527
>>You sit by Ellie at dinner
>>Watch as her mouth full of fangs take on bread and vegetables.

>>2754527
>You sit by Ellie at dinner

>>2754527
>>You sit by Ellie at dinner

>>2754527
>>You sit by Liska at dinner
>>You sit by Ellie at dinner
These are good. Hopefully we'll keep Ellie under control and be able to bring in shotgun-chan (shotgun-kun?) if she gets too handsy with our wife.

>>You wit by Madison at dinner
Wit at her would be more fun, really.
>>You call Shelby a cunt-ridden slave-driver
Unless he's been getting it on the sly, it'd be cunt-deprived, not cunt-ridden.

>>2754527
>You call Shelby a cunt-ridden slave-driver
Sport the biggest fucking Dad grin so it's clear he knows we're fucking with him. He really is the best not-quite-son-in-law-yet.
>You sit by Ellie at dinner
Knowing our luck, We''ll end up at the head of the table like usual, only for both our sister and wife to seat themselves to either side of us.

That being said, this is a rare chance to really catch up with Ellie, over some good food.

>>2754544
>We''ll end up at the head of the table like usual, only for both our sister and wife to seat themselves to either side of us.
This is good. I approve.

>>2754527
>You sit inbetween Liska and Ellie

>Calling Shelby a cunt ridden slave driver but friendly with a smile.

>>2754533
23:02 - 23:20 Voting period or such, I'll try to hit write ins as they come in.

What is it with demons and trying to fuck/kill/rape/burn (in some order) everything that moves?

>>2754530
>"the adults are talking", "no men allowed" nonsense in the last update.
It's really hard to juggle a cast this large. I prioritized folks who Ellie'd already interacted with or who would destabilize the situation (Shelby). We've had a lot of Harriet/Mary/Sue/Madison and a lot of "only wizards allowed" already. So just picture everyone who isn't mentioned pinching the bridge of their nose like they're trying to not have a headache.
Oh, you were responding to a smutposter. Nevermind.

>>2754557
ikr? Maybe we need to put them on some meds or some shit.

>>2754527
>You sit by Liska at dinner
>You sit by Ellie at dinner
>You call Shelby a cunt-ridden slave-driver, but you must say he steams a good ham

>>2754527
>Shelby had way too much fun with that.
>So uh Ellie been keeping track of stuff happening topside?

>>2754557
It's definitely a personal issue, but I have a significant personal grievance against the whole 'girl talk' meme and its portrayals in fiction. The last quest update just happened to step on that nerve really hard.
I get where you're coming from, however, and it's definitely easier to make things happen offscreen. Call it a case of mistaken identity that just happened to really bash a number of personal horses of mine.
Carry on, good sir, carry on.


Only a little of that mini-rant was actually aimed at the smut, but it's the sort of thing that happens to pop up a lot in pseudo-lesbian/full-lesbian smut, which is why I mentioned it at all.

>>2754527
>You sit by Liska at dinner
>You sit by Ellie at dinner
>You call Shelby a cunt-ridden slave-driver, but you must say he steams a good ham

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>>2754527
You give the guy a grin.

"You're a cunt-ridden slavedriver," you say. Ok, the mad-lib insults died hard.

Shelby looks at you, "I take cooking seriously," he says, "maybe too seriously."

"And maybe you just got four people to make a four or five star meal for thirty people," you tell him, "you've got a future outside this bullshit, 'natural' or not."

Shelby's eyes hit the floor.

"Let's go eat," he mutters, and the two of you walk to the dining table.

You notice a few empty seats, and bend down to whisper into Liska's ear "so who was supposed to be on my other side? And why are we missing so many people?"

"Your sister," she mutters at you, "she went out back to fight Sue. They got some spectators."

"Fuck," you say, rushing toward the back door.

You throw it open, and Liska's right behind you.

This is one fight you won't fault the blue-haired girl for pulling the 1k Sword for. You can see James and W straining just to keep a barrier up so it doesn't overflow into your neighbors' property.

Sue and Ellie are like stars colliding, comets crashing. You're not sure which scares you the most - your sister in that sheer 'duchess of Hell' chic dress swinging a broadsword with one hand, or Sue weathering the storm, her eyes glowing red and she jumps, dives, slashes, cartwheels around the torrents of power Ellie's slamming out.

You can see W grit his teeth as a particularly vicious shockwave from your sister's sword slams into the barrier.

At least it's contained, but you can feel the same energy coming off them you felt from Rachel and Myrna earlier.

And Sue's up against a Duchess of Hell!

But she's fighting on nearly even terms. So that's what someone can do with the Thousand-Year Blade. Before you know it, everyone from inside is watching spellbound, as the twin stars dance across the sky, hemmed in by the barrier the wizards are somehow preserving.

>Distract Sue
>WE'RE HAVING DINNER INSIDE!
>Distract Ellie
>Let things play out
>WRITE IN

>>2754616
>WE'RE HAVING DINNER INSIDE!

>>2754616
Also remind them that if they want to fight, Gusion is still coming and they can save it for them instead of shooting down another satellite or something and having to fight a Dragon first.

>>2754616
>>WE'RE HAVING DINNER INSIDE!

>>2754616
>BOTH OF YOU BETTER BE IN SHAPE FOR DINNER WHEN YOU'RE DONE! THAT MEANS NO DRAGGING MUD INTO MY DINING ROOM AND NO BLEEDING ON MY FURNITURE!

>>2754616
>WE'RE HAVING DINNER INSIDE!

>>2754616
>WE'RE HAVING DINNER INSIDE!

>>2754616
>>2754628
This

>>2754616
>Yell whatever mom did when dinner was ready.

>>2754634
This....sooooooo much this!

>>2754634
>>2754641
Triple seconded.

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>>2754634
supportan

>>2754634
>>2754616
This sounds like a good idea too.

>>2754634
I can support this

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>>2754616
What did mom say say, when she called you back in for supper?

"IT'S TIME FOR DINNER!" you yell at them, as you see 'Butler' go down on one knee after a particularly vicious slash against the barrier from his mistress.

So he's helping to hold it together too.

"YOU'RE NOT MOM!" Ellie yells, raising her sword above her head. Then you feel what you felt when Ellie walked into Hell in front of you. Karen hits the ground, and Liska leans against you.

"She's gone!" you barely hear Butler yell, and he shakes his head as he braces himself. W and James take a knee, placing their hands against the barrier.

Kelly and Shelby rush up, kneeling by the circle and lending whatever magic they have to it. Mary grab's W's shoulders, to channel power through him.

"----------!" Sue yells, in a language you don't know, and wouldn't know even if your ears weren't ringing, white dots are flashing before your eyes, and when you can see again, both the girls are on the ground in the middle of the circle.

Yeah, it's hard not to think of your sister as a 'girl', even if she is older than you.

"WHAT HAPPENED?" you find yourself yelling, as your hearing returns, and you run toward them, a yellow fox darting ahead of you, past the collapsing wizards.

"You're pretty good," you barely hear Ellie say, over the ringing in your ears.

"Pretty good?" Sue asks, "if I could get up, I'd have you."

"You're lucky I can't either," Ellie says, and then grimaces, "wait, I can!" then she twists over and begins choking Sue, "I'm already a demo-"

And you pull her off the girl.

"I'm not mom," you tell Ellie, pulling her into you, as you watch Melon and Liska scrape Sue off the lawn over her shoulder, "but it's fucking time for dinner. IT'S TIME FOR DINNER, ELLIE! Just relax for a second, please!"

You big sister looks up at you, and whispers "I can't relax, or I'd be even more of a monster."

You vaguely hear people picking themselves up off your lawn.

And then a cloud of magical girls descends on Sue, while 'Butler' stumps toward you, one leg obviously painful to step on.

"Just let me take her back," he says, through a smashed monocle.

>Come in for dinner, please, Ellie.
>You're still my sister. It's time for dinner.
>Tighten that guitar key exactly where it needs to be.
>Take her.
>WRITE IN

>>2754674
>Take her.
>You're still my sister. It's time for dinner.

>>2754674
>You're still my sister. It's time for dinner.

>You're still my sister. It's time for dinner.
>Take her.

>You're still my sister. It's time for dinner.
oops copied too much

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I'm punching out for the night. It's been an interesting run.

FYI, the "Take her" option is directed at the 'Butler', as in "take her back to Hell - and take care of her".

Also, Ellie baited Sue into that fight.

Questions/comments/death threats/etc. responded to as the mood takes me.

Next runtime on twitter: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge

It's been damn hard writing an actual "yo, I'm a fucking demon" character in this quest. The Butler's a lot more stable since he has sort of always been a demon.

>>2754674
>>Tighten that guitar key exactly where it needs to be.
Ellie be strugglin, how to boost her willpower?

>>2754702
ok have a good night dude

>>2754674
>Tighten that guitar key exactly where it needs to be.

I know curiosity is the enemy in volatile situations like this, but fuck it if you don't make the Mystery Box options appealing.

>>2754674
>WRITE IN

Maybe it's too much for the first time, but I'll send you home with some Dinner at least.

Maybe next time we can meet with fewer people if it can be less of a strain.

Rick seems fairly stable, maybe he can share how he does it sometime too.

>>2754702
Fuck, really? Wouldn't want Ellie to leave without getting some of Mom's old cooking...

>>2754674
actually fuck it, changing >>2754683
to
>Tighten that guitar key exactly where it needs to be.

>>2754674
>Tighten that guitar key exactly where it needs to be.
Mystery choice???
Or perhaps a peptalk of willpower?
Because fuck it. Why not I'll change my earlier choice to this.
>inb4 it makes things even worse

>>2754674
>Screw you, Butler
>You're still my sister. It's time for dinner.
>try to remember some kind of shellshock relief method from your army days
i don't know if that's a thing, but it could be

We could at least give her a plate to take with her if she does leave.

>>2754712
at the very worst, doggybags are a thing

>>2754725
>>2754674
Combination pep-talk along with just us going to the kitchen to talk to her for a bit while we make her up a plate to go.

We should also talk to Rick about helping her find some balance, that's a good plan.

>>2754674
> Pep talk idea

Honestly, this actually isn't really that much worse than what the non-demon magical girls have done. Recently. Earlier tonight, even.

So she shouldn't feel so bad about it. We're willing to forgive her, like, a LOT since we know this can't be easy on her and we do love her a whole bunch.

>>2754753
We really need to show how much sibling love she missed for like....35 years? She missed a lot. Our graduation day 1 from high school and college then our wedding then our first born daughter. Now we gonna give her the best reunion of our life.

>Tighten that guitar key exactly where it needs to be.
>Watch her eye to eye
>Ellie...welcome home
>Smile like how we smiled when we were younger
>Also hug her like you don't want to let her go again
>Try not to cry
>Cry a lot

Need to show some human emotions for our aister

>>2754753
Yeah, shit like this is basically Tuesday for us at this point.

We oughta help her stop seeing what she isn't anymore, and help her see what she still is; our sister, who, despite everything that happened, despite how fucked up she says she's become, still did everything in our power to keep our soul out of more unsavory hands back when our soul was being auctioned off in Hell. Granted, it cost 13,000 souls and we WILL talk to her about that at some point, but regardless of the means used, she still saved our hide.

>>2754764
I mean, you know she'll feed off our emotions and then probably feel bad about that, right?

Hell, she's possibly just having a bad reaction to all the emotional things going on, like a junkie at a smack convention.

Especially if she's fighting that part of herself because she's afraid she won't be able to reign it in if she accepts it.

>>2754774
Ooooh is that why she's acting so extreme? Because she wants to eat everyone?

>>2754774
That is why that we should let her remember that she was once a human. Can't we just have our sister that we miss so much for a day? I mean she saved us for 13,000 souls.

>>2754794
Yeah, but is that for US, or for HER?

Because it seems like it might mess her up. Let's be stoic about this shit and not force her to suddenly deal with having *hope* for the first time, in Hell, all at once.

Plus feeding unwillingly (?) off our emotions, tainting what should be a touching reunion.

>>2754794
>Can't we just have our sister that we miss so much for a day?

How bad do you want to make her feel when she has to tell us "No" because pretending to be even somewhat normal is clearly stressing her the fuck out.

Like, how do you feel when your parents ask you if they can just have a normal child for one day instead of someone who is always sad and has trouble getting out of bed. "Why can't you just be *happy* for one day like a normal person".

Shit hurts when people ask something totally expected of you normally but you actually can't do it because you're all fucked up inside.