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>>2716637
You've decided that recruiting the interloping team or magical girls is the first priority - you want backup.

And you don't want another rat playing around behind your back. Other than your sworn brother, Freebles, you don't trust any of those furry bastards as far as you could throw them. You've read the contracts, and they fuckin' suck.

Bernie's mad about what's been going on in the city, but he's given you a chance to sort it out. All he wants is 'peace in our time'.

Or is it? Dragons are damn hard to read. You're never sure exactly what they're thinking.

And somehow, you ended up talking to Harriet in your hallway. She claims she's been repeating this year for about thirty years, and an apocalypse has ended each time.

Also that the shadows you sometimes see are people who were there for a similar scene in another timeline. Or just the drugs and the aftermath of being dragged into Hell.

...the first time 'she' told you, you were probably dreaming or hallucinating, since she claims that she never told anyone.

"Could that have been another timeline's 'you'?" you ask her.

"No idea," she tells you, "I'm not an expert, it just happens to me."

"Are you fobbing me off on that 'family matters' question?" she asks, narrowing her dark eyes.

"No," you say, turning away from her and dragging the IV stand behind you, "I'm going to go back out and tell everyone. We're all..." you pause, taking a deep breath, "in this together."

She follows you back into the dining room.

"Alright," you say, cutting as impressive a figure as you can as a man in a bedsheet with an IV stand behind him, "I know you all know I've been to Hell," and you pause as all heads turn toward you, "and I need to tell you all something."

So you give them, well, as much of the story as you feel capable of. How Elanor bid on your soul, cried with you, and released you.

It's painful to recount, that short reunion with your sister.

And there's silence after. A long, awful silence.

"So if I go out on my contract," Sue pipes up, finally - and she's grinning, "and make it into Hell, I could become a Duchess?"

You can't tell if she's joking. And judging by the shock, giggles, and horrified looks around the table, neither can anyone else.

Then things devolve into a conversation scramble.

>And you grab Sue to tell her that's an awful idea
>And Kelly grabs you, saying he needs to talk about your sister
>And then you're talking to [WRITE IN SOMEONE IN YOUR CREW / AT THE TABLE]
>WRITE IN

>>2716667
>And you grab Sue to tell her that's an awful idea

>>2716667
>And Kelly grabs you, saying he needs to talk about your sister

>>2716667
>>And you grab Sue to tell her that's an awful idea
Sister was doing well for herself, but not doing well. You don't want to get involved in that.

>>2716667
>And you Grab Sue to tell her an awful idea while Kelly grabs you in a headlock to drag you from skinning sue alive.

>>2716667
>Even as a joke that's an awful ide-Kelly grabs you and says he needs to talk about your sister.

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>>2716667
Just one spark like that, and the whole place goes up in a conflagration of conversation.

They aren't even looking at you now, diving off down a thousand paths of rabbit trails, muddling from demons to the celebrity gossip, and the little pieces that make up our lives.

You just stand there. Harriet pushes past you and descends into the wordy melee.

But you've got your target. You have someone you NEED to talk to.

And you stare at Sue until she glances back at you. Her eyes lock with yours, then you twitch your head down the hallway and start walking into the bowels of your house yourself.

She'll know better than you do how to get away from her friends.

And she's really talking about doing what your sister did - like it's a joke, or like something to aspire to?

You don't make it many steps before you hear small feet behind you.

"Which room?" Sue whispers from behind you.

That wasn't what you meant at all, you think, spinning around quickly enough the IV pulls free of your arm.

>Pin her to the wall and give the lecture - this is serious business
>Crumple to the ground and give her the lecture
>"My bedroom", and give her the lecture there
>WRITE IN

>>2716710
>"My bedroom", and give her the lecture there

its the oddly enough only secure fucking place.

>>2716710
>>Pin her to the wall and give the lecture - this is serious business
Maybe not physically unless she tries to leave though; it'll just make her excited.

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>>2716717
13:30 - 13:40 Voting period.

Archive: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Shotgun

Twitter (runtimes and such): https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge

>>2716710
>"My bedroom", and give her the lecture there

>>2716710
>Crumple to the ground and give her the lecture
And in other news today, the MC was in a fucking coma for a month!

>>2716710
>"My bedroom", and give her the lecture there

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>>2716710
"My bedroom," you tell her, in a low voice, clamping one hand over where the IV ripped out, and turn to keep walking down the hallway. It's probably the only place you'll get privacy.

Fuck, that hurts like a bitch.

"Do you, uh, need this?" Sue asks, and you turn your head again to see her with a hand on the rolling IV stand.

"Not anymore, if I'm lucky," you tell her, trudging along until you throw yourself on your bed. Yeah there were some doors in the way, but you don't really remember opening them.

Sue shuts the door behind her, and then just stands there. Like she's waiting for an invitation.

There's fear in her eyes, and something else. Actually, a lot of other things.

"Let me tell you something," you say, worming your way back into the nest of pillows they set up for you while you were sick, "but first, get me a fucking bandage."

Sue darts over to the side table, which has various medical stuff piled atop it, and returns with some gauze and tape.

She places a gauze pad where the IV was surprisingly gently.

And she's very close, bending over you from the side of the bed. You can feel the warmth coming off of her.

"My sister," you say, leaning back into the pillows as she starts winding the bandage, "was a magical girl. She walked into Hell when I was fifteen."

And you have to hold yourself back from reliving it again.

"And she became a duchess!" Sue says, excitedly.

"Don't," you tell her, opening your eyes and staring her dead in the face. Sue's eyes are shining.

This is why teenagers scare the living shit out of you.

"Don't walk that path," you tell her, "Ellie bid thirteen thousand souls for me. She had that many on hand, like a checking account. Thirteen thousand people."

"She's not alright," you tell Sue, as she finishes off the bandage, "I promise. That's what she told me."

"None of us are alright," she tells you, leaning toward your face, "look at me. I want to-"

And then the door opens, a little violently.

"Oh," Kelly says, his eyes raking the room, "medical treatment. Don't mind me," the assassin finishes, and you have the terrible feeling he's about to shut the door again.

"You're just the man we need," you tell him, hoping to keep him here, "I want to hear about my sister. And Sue..." you say, pausing, "probably needs to."

"Christ," Kelly says, looking at the two of you, "is she thinking about... Alright. You want to know the truth of ten years ago?"

>That sounds like what a defence attorney might say.
>I want to know what she was like there.
>I want to know what happened.
>Your story and what I just experienced are like night and day.
>WRITE IN

>>2716784
>I want to know what happened. No more beating around the bush.

>>2716784
>That sounds like what a defence attorney might say.
>I want to know what happened.

>>2716784
>I want to know what happened.

>>2716784
>Full disclosure. How bad could it be?

>>2716797
Support

>>2716784
this >>2716797

>>2716784
>>2716797
Supporting.
>Give me, us, the full story. No holds barred

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>>2716784
"I want to know what happened," you tell him.

He grimaces, and light up a cigarette almost instinctively.

Then he grabs a chair for Sue, before pulling one up himself.

Were those the chairs your family sat in watching you try not to die?

"I'm fine," the magical girl tries to tell him, but he shuts her down.

"You're going to want to be sitting down for this," he says, and glares at Sue until she does.

Well, you probably owe him one for that.

"I want full disclosure - how bad could it be?" you ask.

And then Kelly starts laughing like he'll never stop. And then starts coughing blood into his hand.

He takes a drag on his cigarette.

"Seven way fight," he says, smoke pouring from his mouth, "between summoners and their demons. How bad do you think it could get?"

Well, when he puts it that way...

"I guessed it was some sort of proxy war bullshit for Hell," Kelly continues, "slugging it out on earth, where they'd just get banished at the worst."

Then he points at you with his cancer stick.

"I was trying to summon Agares," he tells you, "and what I got was Agares' corpse with the light dying in his eyes, and your sister's sword through his head. Oh, and your sister riding him like a surfboard through the summoning circle."

So that's how you get a dukedom in Hell.

"I wanted Agares to stop runaways from my sniping," he says, "look, I wanted to win. I was young and dumb. But she..."

He trails off, and you can almost see it in his eyes.

"I think her first words, as I bound her, were something like 'FUCK YOU!'. That sort of set the tone for everything after that."

That sounds far too much like Ellie's reaction to anyone interrupting her with anything. You remember that one time you walked in on her with her (then) boyfriend...

"It was a bloodbath," the assassin continues, "she wanted to kill them all and get back to Hell to finish whatever the Hell she'd started with Agares. 'Fuck human sacrifices, I'll sacrifice them to myself!'," he tells you, with a grim look on his face.

"Then the land god got involved," Kelly says, "I think she ate him. Or her. Most of that war was a blur, and I was on LSD half the time so I could mix it up in the spirit world. Not even sure when I realized it was all a ploy to open a permanent hellgate."

"Of course," he says, staring right through you, "she wasn't in on their plan. She'd killed one of the conspirators before I dragged her through. She thought it was legit, all that wish-granting fuckery they'd sold us."

"So she just wanted to kill them all and win," Kelly says, "and that squared pretty well with my goals, even after I figured it out. But she..."

He gulps, still looking past you.

"There's a Persian proverb," he says, "whiskey, please, Sue."

The blue-haired girl looks at you, as if seeking some sort of approval.

>Get it for him, Sue.
>You can't tell the story sober, you can't tell the story.
>I thought W was the alcoholic?
>You said human sacrifices?
>WRITE IN

>>2716882
>>Get it for him, Sue.
He's familiar with the sort of stuff she's been through. If he thinks she can't handle it, she can't.

>>2716882
>Get it for him, Sue.
He's gonna need it.

>>2716882
>Get it for him, Sue.

>>2716882
>>Get it for him, Sue.
>>You said human sacrifices?

>>2716882
>You can't tell the story sober, you can't tell the story.
>You said human sacrifices?

>>2716882
>>Get it for him, Sue.

>>2716882
>Get it for him, Sue.

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>>2716882
"Get it for him, Sue," you say, and she...

Wait, there's liquor in there?

Must be part of Liska's 'makeup budget'. And how does Sue, of all people know that?

Seems like the month you spent in bed was a long one, you think as she pours three glasses.

GLASSES?

"Thanks," Kelly says, taking one from her, and you can't help thinking she'd make a good cocktail waitress.

You watch him take a big gulp as you take your glass from Sue.

...And of course, the third's for her.

"Ok, right," Kelly says, "where were we? Persian proverbs."

"And you said human sacrifices?" you ask.

"Where do you think she got thirteen thousand souls?" he asks you, eyes, narrowing over his glass, "selling girl scout cookies?"

"As I was saying," Kelly tells you, taking another sip, "there's a Persian proverb about how one that take a delusion from a woman snatches a cub from a tigress. Rather apt, hey?"

He glances at Sue, who's taking a sip, and then sets her glass on a table. At least she's not slamming it down like water.

"I made the mistake of telling her that it was really a plot to set up a hellgate," Kelly says, lighting another cigarette, "and not something that would grant her wish. She..." he pauses, taking a drag, "took it badly. I didn't have a choice when I put her down. After she'd burned a city to kill the rest of them."

Those words might have once carried enough weight for you to leap out of bed and try to strangle the man. But you've seen your sister. So you know it didn't stick.

It might also be the leftover morphine.

"She ever tell you what that wish was?" you ask.

"No," Kelly tells you, "and I didn't ask. Hey you," he says, glaring at Sue, "don't fucking try that shit. You don't want to be a monster. You're a decent kid - don't put that much blood on your hands."

Sue looks from him to you, and says, weakly, "it was kind of a joke."

"Don't make your Holocaust jokes around Jews," Kelly says, and wait a second, is his glass empty already?

>Kelly, that's not what I saw while I was over there
>Sue, just, I want something better for you
>Drink your whiskey and go to sleep
>I feel better, let's go back out
>WRITE IN

>>2716959
>>I feel better, let's go back out
We've got some magical girls to steal.

>>2716959
>>Sue, just, I want something better for you
>I think she wanted out.

>>2716959
>Sue, just, I want something better for you
>I think she wanted out.

We just want nothing but good things to happen to them...

>>2716959
>Sue, just, I want something better for you
>I feel better, let's go back out

>>2716959
>Sue, just, I want something better for you
>Kelly, that's not what I saw while I was over there

>>2716959
>Sue, just, I want something better for you
>I think she wanted out.

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>>2716959
"Hell, Sue," you say, "I just.. I want something better for you. We all do."

She looks at you.

"Something better than dying for the rats or becoming a demon like..." you trail off.

"Like his sister," Kelly chimes in, lounging back into his chair with the slack grace of a drunk man.

You can't tell what Sue's thinking. What gears are turning behind those eyes.

"It was just a joke," she says, but you can feel the lie there.

"I think she wanted out," you tell Kelly, changing gears without a clutch, "I think she just wanted out of her contract and out of being a demoness."

"And I think," the assassin tells you, "that she was trying to take over Hell. I don't care what you saw over 'there' - demons are creatures of emotion. One minute they want to cry on your shoulder, one minute they want to kill you, and the next, they want to fuck you, or hang you as a trophy."

"Sounds like women," Sue says, in a soft voice, smiling. With a smile that has far too many teeth.

"That's not the way I meant it, and you know it," Kelly says, "they'll act on it all! In turn. Or as their fancy takes them," he finishes, reaching for his empty glass, and emptying its dregs into his mouth.

>Let this play out
>I feel better, let's get back out there
>Kelly, are you implying you fucked my sister?
>Just slug your whiskey and go to sleep
>WRITE IN

>>2717045
>>I feel better, let's get back out there

>>2717045
>>I feel better, let's get back out there
This conversation is straying into dangerous territory, and we've got a mission to plan.

>>2717045
>I feel better, let's get back out there
"Help! I've fallen, and I can't get (it) up!"

>>2717045
>Kelly, are you implying you fucked my sister?

>>2717045
>I feel better, let's get back out there

>>2717045
>>I feel better, let's get back out there

>>2717045
>Cry
>We're gonna go out there, figure out how to catch that rat for interrogation and then kill it.
>Kelly, Ive been having nightmares about what was happening to her since I was a kid. How high are the chances that they're real?

>>2717045
>I feel better, let's get back out there

>>2717045
>Kelly, are you implying you fucked my sister?

>>2717081
+

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>>2717045
"Let's hope Gusion doesn't move beyond wanting to kill me," you say, sliding off the bed and finding your feet, "he's really not my type."

"It's not a set cycle," Kelly says, nestling further back into his chair.

"I'm feeling better," you tell the two of them, "let's go back in."

Sue is all too eager to please, rushing into the hallway. Kelly take a bit more time to get out of his chair.

You pull him aside as he starts walking out.

"I've been having nightmares about what happened since I was a kid, brother," you whisper to him, "what are the chances they're real?"

"If everything I said about Japan is news to you," Kelly whispers back, "they're probably not. If there was some weird sibling dream thing going on, you'd have the same nightmares I do," he says, pushing past you through the door.

That's more comforting than anything you've heard from a wizard in a month.

>Did you just imply you fucked my sister?
>Just go join everyone else and talk game plans for taking over a rival magical girl operation.
>Write in

(I'm giving this option again because some people wanted it. I'm going to do strict votes for the binary option here.)

>>2717127
>Just go join everyone else and talk game plans for taking over a rival magical girl operation.
I'd say let's just talk normally with them for a bit, especially Melon and Liska. We've been a vegetable for the past month.

>>2717127
>Just go join everyone else and talk game plans for taking over a rival magical girl operation.

Nope we are not bringing that shit up.

>>2717127
>>Just go join everyone else and talk game plans for taking over a rival magical girl operation.

>>2717127
>>Just go join everyone else and talk game plans for taking over a rival magical girl operation.
Back to business.

>>2717129
16:47 - 16:57 Voting period, absolute majority on voting options, write-ins considered until writing's done. Unless those write-ins are thinly-veiled versions of the options given.

>>2717127
>>Just go join everyone else and talk game plans for taking over a rival magical girl operation.

>>2717127
>Did you just imply you fucked my sister?

>>2717127
>Just go join everyone else and talk game plans for taking over a rival magical girl operation.
>The other team might try to rescue their pet rat so we need it's confession and death on videotape so that they don't retaliate out of some sort of misguided loyalty.

>>2717127
To be fair, 'more comforting than you've heard from a wizard in a month' isn't all that great.

But, uh, you'll take it.

Even if there's a stray thought in your mind telling you that you still haven't gotten the full story about the 'Japan Incident'.

Given how secretive wizards are, you doubt you ever will.

So you walk back out to the dining room. Liska shoots you a LOOK, and then darts her eyes at Sue.

You glance at Kelly, as if to say 'my witness', then sit beside your wife.

"She just bandaged me," you whisper into a fuzzy ear, "then we talked to Kelly about Ellie."

"Since when do you use a nickname for your sister?" Liska asks back.

That's... actually a good question. Well, you did use it before she was taken away, but it faded. And after that stay in Hell, it's how you've been thinking of her.

"Since we were kids," you mutter at your wife.

"So I think we should just storm them," Karen says with a grin, "now that we know where they are."

"You're going to have to fill me in," you say, leaning across the table, "we know where they are?"

"Drones are the nearest thing to miracles," Kelly tells you, as if he'd never left the table, "seems like they're operating out of a Winnebago parked on some farmer's property. Five-man team," he finishes, flipping you a tablet.

You look at the pictures. Well, the people you can see around the mobile home look like magical girls. But the two other folks - pictures are a little blurry.

"You know who the other guys are?" you ask, "they don't look," and then your glance around the table for kicks, "frilly."

You get a laugh.

"Not sure," W says, "we haven't really run into them in town."

>We've got their number, let's saddle up
>Girls, are you sure you haven't run into either of these blurry photos in town?
>Let's head over, but I should probably go in first to negotiate
>WRITE IN

>>2717242
>Girls, are you sure you haven't run into either of these blurry photos in town?

>>2717127
>Just go join everyone else and talk game plans for taking over a rival magical girl operation.

>>2717242
>Girls, are you sure you haven't run into either of these blurry photos in town?
Gotta make sure that our bases are covered.

>>2717242
>Girls, are you sure you haven't run into either of these blurry photos in town?

>>2717242
>We've got their number, let's saddle up

Let's head over, but I should probably go in first to negotiate
As if anyone would let us do something dangerous[read fun] by ourselves ever again

>>2717242
>Girls, are you sure you haven't run into either of these blurry photos in town?

>>2717242
>Girls, are you sure you haven't run into either of these blurry photos in town?

>>2717242
There any magic related reason these two pics might be blurry? I'm sure you guys have confidence that you can take on the girls but for all we know the girls just made a deal with one side to hunt the other which means they have backup. See if you can sniff out a routine so that we can distract them.
> We have any of those teleport jammers? Could drop one from a done after the main team leaves on a hunt and get the rat somewhat isolated.
> Any chance of audio surveillance? I remember hearing that there's a trick using lasers for getting audio.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laser_microphone
That'll maybe get rid of the off chance that they aren't a group of like minded individuals.
>GIrls , Is there a time when you're barely awake after hunting all night? If you get well rested that seems like the time to strike. That seems like a time to schedule the attack if you can get some proper rest beforehand.

>>2717242
>>Girls, are you sure you haven't run into either of these blurry photos in town?
>"Think they might be similar to our deal here?"

>>2717242
"Girls," you say, passing the tablet to Harriet, "ever run into one of these blurry mugshots in town?"

"No idea who they are," she says, and giving you a quick glance that seems to read 'not in any timeline'.

"I might have run into that trenchcoat-and-tie guy at the store the other day," Mary says, after Harriet hands the tablet to her, "he gave me an odd look, but I didn't feel anything off him. Not even sure it was the same guy."

She hands the pad to Sue, and the blue-haired magical girl goes a bit pale.

"I want a rematch against that red-coat demon," she says, raising her head from the tablet, "he just left! in the middle of a duel!"

Wait, demon? you think, as that side of the table descends into bickering.

"He knocked you down before he left!" Rachel says, and Sue glares at her.

"And if he left you," Karen chimes in, with an evil grin, "he must have really been a demon."

"Were these guys active before those magical girls showed up?" you ask, hoping to head things off.

"I doubt it," Mary says, "I don't know them, and if they were around here before, I definitely would."

Great.

So there's more than just magical girls here?

>We're hitting them daytime, while they're still sleeping from hunting at night - but I'm going in to negotiate
>We're going to try to grab them one by one as they hunt - tonight
>We know where they are, we're going in hot
>WRITE IN

>>2717309
>We're going to try to grab them one by one as they hunt - tonight

>>2717309

>We're hitting them daytime, while they're still sleeping from hunting at night - but I'm going in to negotiate

>>2717309
>We're hitting them daytime, while they're still sleeping from hunting at night - but I'm going in to negotiate
>WRITE IN
Let's take a handful of folks with us, preferably some of the girls, because showing up for negotiations with a magus and an assassin would not look all that convincing if we're trying for a nonthreatening image to start off with.

>>2717309
>WRITE IN
>Hey Kelly, any chance you might be able to run this license plate or know anyone who can? Maybe that'll help us get a bit more info. If it's stolen, we call the cops which might wear them down, and then we can jump in from there either once their done, or if things get to hairy.
>Once everyone is inside and asleep, bring the drone down (Assuming it's a quadcopter?) and see if we can't get a better look at everything. Them, surroundings, all of it.

>We're hitting them daytime, while they're still sleeping from hunting at night - but I'm going in to negotiate

>>2717309
>We're hitting them daytime, while they're still sleeping from hunting at night - but I'm going in to negotiate

>>2717328
Maybe have them ready nearby?

>>2717309
>If they're demons, could they be the government?

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>>2717309
"We're going in," you say, standing up from your chair, "they should still be asleep, if they're hunting at night, right?"

You get a chorus of grins and nods from the table as chairs are pushed back.

"Kelly," you say, "play mission control back here. I know your reputation, and that's not going to do us any favors if we're going to try to solve this peacefully."

The assassin give you a wry smile "makes sense. Give me a shout if you need the Predator."

Wait.

So the 'drone guy' did come through?

And Kelly's got a fucking predator drone flying in civilian airspace?

You really don't want to know how rough the past month's been.

"We're going in for a negotiation," you tell the table, looking at every face in turn, "they're probably on our side, well, once they realize what our side IS, and we don't want to wind up their rat unless we have to. W, do you have enough enemies that you're going to be a liability for that?"

"How 'bout this," the wizard says, swilling wine at nine in the morning, "you let me off on the roadside before they can see me?"

...Yeah, he's got that many enemies.

"Fine," you say, "I'll take you, and as many of the girls as want to pile into the backseat."

Of course they all volunteer. Of course.

So there you are, driving out past the city limits, toward some sort of magical girl base Winnebago parked in a farmer's field, with W riding shotgun, and a crew of magical girls chattering in your backseat.

And the local punk rock station blaring on your speakers. It was the only thing everyone could agree on.

This is fatherhood.

Suddenly, W cuts the radio.

"Pull over," he tells you, "NOW!"

You slew onto the shoulder, and the wizard almost bounces out of the passenger side and runs up to a barb wire fence.

"You've got five minutes after I kill this barrier," he yells at you, "ready?"

You're not ready. But you're doing it anyway.

And Mary jumps into the shotgun seat and slams the door.

"Let's go!" she yells, and you're really not sure whether she's yelling at you or W. But both of you respond anyway.

W's doing something to the fence, and with a fast look in your mirrors, you're back on the road and punching it.

In a couple minutes, you see a Winnebago parked in a field, and you pull off the road. Everyone piles out of the car.

"I'm going to negotiate," you tell them, "only jump if things go sideways."

Mary starts giving orders, as you vault a barb wire fence and pick your way through cow patties.

"Sure you're gonna be fine, dad?" Melon yells from behind, and you wave one hand as you walk toward the mobile home.

You hope so, but if you're not... Well, a lot of other people aren't going to be either.

[1/2]

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>>2717426
You walk up to the camper.

Seems like there's nothing around here to keep you out, although you feel the odd prickling on your neck from time to time.

Then you knock on the damaged door.

Nothing.

Then you knock again.

"Gimme a minnit!" you hear yelled from inside.

It's a long sight past a minute before the door opens, disclosing a man in a trenchcoat, with a barely-lit cigarette between his lips.

"If this is about the parking fee, we paid - " he starts, and then he looks you over.

"It's not," you tell him.

"So what's this about then?" he asks, stepping out of the camper and closing the door behind him.

>You're not who I expected as the spokesperson of a magical girl squad.
>Nice camper you've got here... Be a shame if something happened to it.
>You cook meth in this thing?
>I figured we should talk about the demon problem about here.
>WRITE IN

>>2717447
>You're not who I expected as the spokesperson of a magical girl squad.
>I was thinking you'd be a talking otter of unusual hue.

>>2717447
>You're not who I expected as the spokesperson of a magical girl squad.
>I figured we should talk about the demon problem about here.

Is that motherfucking John Constantine? Haiku, you glorious bastard.

>>2717447
>You're not who I expected as the spokesperson of a magical girl squad.
>I figured we should talk about the demon problem about here.

>>2717447
>You're not who I expected as the spokesperson of a magical girl squad.
>I figured we should talk about the demon problem about here.

>>2717468
Supportin'

>>2717447
>You're not who I expected as the spokesperson of a magical girl squad.
If constine is involved then shit us well and truly fucked

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>>2717447
"You're not who I expected as the spokesperson for a magical girl squad," you say.

His eyes narrow just a little bit.

"I could say the same," he tells you, taking another drag on the cigarette, "am I to presume the 'shotgun shogun' has gotten his ass off his deathbed?"

Well, he could be more abrasive if he tried.

And, fuck, Melon has your shotgun.

"This very morning," you say, "I heard there'd been some trouble while I was down for the count."

"A Hellish amount of trouble," he says, and you can't tell whether he knows about your escapade in the netherworld, or he's joking about the demons, "we trucked in to hunt demons because we heard there was a low-key invasion."

"That's what I wanted to talk about," you tell him, "mostly that we're not going to get anywhere if we keep fighting each other."

"We'll get somewhere," he says, "might not be where we want to be. What's your offer? And I think a couple of my crew," he jerks his head back at the camper, "have some unfinished business with some of yours. By the way, I'm James."

"Pleased to meet you," you say, giving your name.

>They get their rematches - on friendly, sparring terms, and we work together on this
>You're on my turf. I'll dictate the rules. And my crew will finish that business.
>Tell me about your rat. Or your girls' rat.
>I'm kind of interested in how a Winnebago of magical girls with you at the helm gets along
>WRITE IN

>>2717507
>They get their rematches - on friendly, sparring terms, and we work together on this
>We have at least one common enemy, that should be the priority.
>Tell me about your rat. Or your girls' rat.

>>2717507
>They get their rematches - on friendly, sparring terms, and we work together on this
>Mind if I ask how you got in on this? I got introduced to the party by a talking ferret asking me to unlatch my window so he could see my daughter.
>Tell me about your rat. Or your girls' rat.

>>2717507
>>They get their rematches - on friendly, sparring terms, and we work together on this
>I'm kind of interested in how a Winnebago of magical girls with you at the helm gets along
>Tell me about your rat. Or your girls' rat.
Ease into the last one. Push too hard or too early and it'll tell him something's up.

>>2717507
> They get their rematches - on friendly, sparring terms, and we work together on this.
> I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that at least one of those girls is your daughter. Right?
> Tell me about your rat. Or your girls' rat.

>>2717507
I'm sure they'll get a chance for a rematch eventually. You're kind of lucky that they didn't nuke you guys for going into their territory while I was out. I guess the whole try to act like sane human beings thing advice stuck with them.
> I found one of those rat bastards sneaking into my daughters bedroom and then everything has spiraled out of control ever since.What's your deal?
So what's your rat like? He one of those that likes to act all cuddly selling the love bullshit or has it gotten to the point where it dispenses with all the pleasantries and acts like Sean Penn on a date with Madonna?

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>>2717507
"They'll get their rematches," you say.

Although you're wondering if one chainsmoking trenchcoated wizard in your life isn't enough already.

Because you're pretty sure this guy's a wizard. He's got that same je ne sais quoi around him that Kelly and W have.

"But it's going to have to be on friendly, sparring terms," you finish, "because we've got a common enemy to fight."

"Demons," he says.

"That's why you showed, isn't it?" you ask.

"Were you keeping them in check?" he asks you, "this has escalated a lot since you dropped off the grid, from what I hear."

Fuck, this guy's fast.

Maybe too fast.

"Your sources can tell you," you say to James, "I'm not some sort of barrier maiden or cosmic key. And how'd you wind up running with a crew of magical girls, anyway?"

He's about to say something, but a voice from the top of the camper cuts him off.

"We scraped him off the ground with a spatula," it says, and then a girl vaults off the roof, landing in front of you.

"So he decided to join Mystery Inc.," she says, smiling, "and ride with us on the mystery machine."

"It was something like that," James says, "meet... Madison. Our glorious leader."

She smirks at you, white hair falling in a torrent behind her.

"Having an adult along makes things a little easier," she says, "less questions at the gas stations."

"Pleased to meet you," you say, "but I've got an awkward question - what about your rat?"

Oh, that's shock on both their faces, if only for an instant.

They didn't think you knew.

"Restrained in a circle," James tells you, "with very good ideas about what happens to him if he fucks with us."

"James demonstrated some of them," Madison says, suddenly far too close to your ear, "he got the picture pretty fast."

So, if you've got this straight, this crew of magical girls has been hunting demons from town to town in a fucking camper, and they picked up an itinerant wizard off the pavement who sealed their rat? And maybe tortured it?

And you thought your situation was screwy.

>I think we can work something out - to beat these demons off
>Nice to meet you... Madison? How long have you been on the road?
>Well, that's one way to deal with a rat
>[WRITE IN NEGOTIATION PHRASES]
>WRITE IN

>>2717593
>Well, that's one way to deal with a rat

>>2717593
>The James is a demonologist
>It's the pretty justicars

Typical

>>2717593
>>Well, that's one way to deal with a rat
>Nice to meet you... Madison? How long have you been on the road?
>I think we can work something out - to beat these demons off

We still got our rat in our pocket?

>to beat demons off
I thought you didn't want more smut, Haiku.

>>2717593
>Well, that's one way to deal with a rat
>I made mine into my sworn brother.

>>2717593
>>>Well, that's one way to deal with a rat
>>Nice to meet you... Madison? How long have you been on the road?
>>I think we can work something out - to beat these demons off

>>2717601
19:59 - 20:10 Voting period.

>>2717605
>I thought you didn't want more smut, Haiku.
Only someone with a dirty mind would interpret it that way.

And honestly, I really don't give a shit about smut getting written.

Besides, I like making jokes like that.

>>2717593
I'm pretty sure that it could just stop sending in payments any time it wants to and it's boss will show up. It's probably playing you somehow.
If you have some good info on how and where the bastards come from in the first place my girls might be willing to allow you some minor hunting rights. I've been talking to a great deal of people and none of them seem to know what exactly they are.

>>2717593
>Well, that's one way to deal with a rat

>I think we can work something out - to beat these demons off

>>2717614
This as well^
We gotta make ourselves look like we're extending a helping hand here.

>>2717607
I don't trust them enough to be saying that out loud. Maybe something like we managed to do some persuasion is better? We don't actually know if we can trust these wizards and they have told us no actual motivation for why they're there even if it's something as simple as a moral one.
Probably best to not let em know that the demon problem is gonna be gone soon even if explaining that they're the reason we haven't solved it at it's root yet would feel nice.

>>2717593
"Well," you say, walking away from the camper, and motioning for them to follow you.

They do, believing in strength in numbers.

"That's one way to deal with a rat," you say in a low voice, "but you know it could stop sending in payments to its boss any time it wants, and you'd never know until everyone got cut off?"

Oh, now that's SHOCK on those faces. You're learning to appreciate it.

"Or said boss made a personal appearance?"

"Fuck," James mutters, then turns to you, "that makes sense, but how do you know?"

"I turned my daughter's rat," you tell them, "he spilled a lot of beans."

"Then your daughter's one of those magical girls that faced us," Madison says, eyes shining, "was she the one with the swords? Or the lasers? Or the one with all those guns?"

That last one sounds too much like Melon to be a coincidence, and suddenly you wonder if you've really gotten the full story out of anyone.

It must have been a long month.

Then James' eyes go wide.

You hear him whisper something to Madison.

It sounds a lot like "the barrier broke".

Fuck, W did say you had five minutes. And it looks like five minutes are up.

If you know anything about magical types, this shit's going to escalate way too fast.

>We come in peace and have two common enemies
>How do you think I got in here?
>Don't scramble, it's just my girls - we're here to negotiate
>Slug James across the jaw
>WRITE IN

>>2717593
>Well, that's one way to deal with a rat
>I think we can work something out - to beat these demons off

We need to get right to business.

>>2717658
>We come in peace and have two common enemies, you down for listening or should I show myself out?

>>2717658
>How do you think I got in here?
>We come in peace and have two common enemies

>>2717658
>How do you think I got in here?
>Don't scramble, it's just my girls - we're here to negotiate

>>2717658
>>We come in peace and have two common enemies
>>How do you think I got in here?
>>Don't scramble, it's just my girls - we're here to negotiate

KEEP THIS PEACEFUL! We could get a whole 'nother wizard out of this deal! Not like that is necessarily good but hey.

>>2717658
>>How do you think I got in here?
>>Don't scramble, it's just my girls - we're here to negotiate

>>2717658
>I must have taken too long.I'll make a call to make sure that it was my side that broke the barrier.
>Make some calls. Kelly first, then Mary, then W to say negotiations are going great. I just took a little bit. Be careful on wording to not alert the local demons wiretapping all the phones.
>Do you want to discuss things more now or at a restaurant later tonight? (don't want to be doing a battle on their "home turf". all sorts of magical traps might be in here.

>>2717678
That wizard is fucking Constantine. Having him remotely anywhere near any situation automatically means that the only left who would WANT to be alive by the end of it is Constantine.

>>2717688
Maybe on the surface, but I think W. might more closely resemble John than this guy.

>>2717702
That is true, but on the other hand we wouldn't be having this conversation if the profile picture was Skeletor, Rasputin, or Alan Moore.

>>2717709
Hey, all those options are better than the Winnebega sprouting chicken legs.

>>2717709
If this dude's profile picture was Skeletor there would be no doubt that we're getting him on our side simply because Skeletor is the best.

>>2717709
>Skeletor

...Damn it Haiku why COULDN'T you have gotten Skeletor into this quest? That would have been awesome.

>>2717714
That's because none ever wants to fuck with Russians.

>>2717714
Oh sweet merciful Jesus Christ.

Baba Yaga was a magical girl that went bad. She's probably /still out there/. Fuck all kinds of duck.

Rasputin, however, was just a fuck nugget.

>>2717723
>>2717717
Maybe a benevolent if slightly insane wizard-lich? I'd love to ham it up with a skelebro.

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>>2717743
>Magical Girl Baba Yaga
Yes
All of my yes

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>>2717658
"I must have taken too long," you say, grabbing the wizard and the magical girl by their shoulders, "my folks are probably coming in to check on me."

And then you hear the alarm going off inside the camper.

"If you crossed that field," James says, teeth gritted, "you're just a human, so you get about thirty seconds longer to negotiate."

Madison gives him a look of... ok, you have no idea how to interpret that one.

"I'm fuckin' HERE to negotiate," you say, "we have two common enemies - demons and rats. And we're doin' nobody any favors but them if our crews kill each other here!"

But you're too late to stop the scramble out of the Winnebago. White haired guy with a sword. And two blondes.

One of which gets airborne on a fucking witch's broom.

"HEY!" Madison yells at them, "FUCKER'S HERE TO NEGOTIATE! DON'T FUCKING-"

Oh hell.

Those are lasers lancing up at the girl on the broomstick.

And probably some of Mary's arrows.

You've got your phone out as soon as you realize what's going on.

"STAND DOWN!" you yell into your phone as soon as Mary picks up, "STAND THE FUCK DOWN! MISUNDERSTANDING!"

The anti aircraft fire stops.

But the magical girl in the air doesn't.

"Hell," Madison says, and then she jumps into the sky, wings of fire erupting from her back, as she goes frilly and yells "MYRNA, STOP IT!"

You have never seen a magical girl get tackled off her broomstick and into a cow pasture before.

You hope you never have to see it again.

"Guessing that was a rogue on their side," Mary says through your phone.

"I think so," you tell her, with a glance at James.

"Let's do this the traditional way," he says, "both sides lined up in full view, representatives in the middle. I think that's the best bet for this not going pear-shaped."

>That sounds reasonable - bring in the girls
>That sounds reasonable - bring in the girls and W
>Just punch him
>What if we take everyone to a restaurant?
>WRITE IN

>>2717774
>>That sounds reasonable - bring in the girls
W has a lot of enemies, it's not unlikely these girls are included. And if this does go pear shaped, we don't need to be wrecking a poor innocent restaurant.

>>2717774
>>What if we take everyone to a restaurant?
FOOD! Cancer survivor needs meats badly

>>2717774
>>What if we take everyone to a restaurant?

>>2717774
>That sounds reasonable - bring in the girls
First things first, though. Mind if we stop by the nearest liquor store and get some meat for barbecuing? I prefer my magical girl fights over a couple of beers and sausages.

>>2717774
>That sounds reasonable - bring in the girls
>What if we take everyone to a restaurant?

Fooooooood. Give us the flesh of fallen angels.

>>2717723
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jjcq5yBk5Gk
>What if we take everyone to a restaurant? I'd suggest a barbecue but I guess you guys wouldn't trust me to not poison the food? (seriously. relaxing in the middle of whatever freaky runes that are setup has got to be bad for our health and yarnball manga exchange might cause us to set off some MASSIVE alarms via demon manga if we stick around long enough for the security system to notice. We need a semi neutral area that's reasonably safe from a random demon attack.)

>>2717774
Whoops. forgot to link. >>2717792

>>2717784
Supporting.

>>2717774
>That's just asking for someone to get antsy - or worse, one of the other factions to hit us while we're all gathered in the middle of nowhere and watching each other rather than our backs.
>What if we take everyone to a restaurant?
Worked well enough last time.

>>2717779
21:23 - 21:33 or so Voting period and all that.

>>2717792
>>2717801
Oon,supporting this too

>>2717792
>yarnball manga exchange might cause us to set off some MASSIVE alarms via demon manga if we stick around long enough for the security system to notice.
That is actually the reason all the alarms went off as soon as W's hack stopped killing the barriers.

Also, 'demon manga'? Like To Love Ru or Black Bird?

>>2717813
My typing is more atrocious than usual in this quest. I guess we should have remembered to set an alarm although I figure we wouldn't have enough time to gtfo since the guy took so long to even open the door.


Like Berserk

I guess that means I have a ready prepared response as to why I set off the alarm now. Just got back from hell. I hope a good shower should rinse it off.

>>2717774
"I'm thinking a restaurant might be better," you tell James, "conversations go better over food, and while I'd prefer to grill, I'm guessing you wouldn't trust me to not poison the food."

"You had me at 'grill'," Madison says, alighting next to you, "and we're fuckin' magical girls - you can't poison us."

James sighs.

"You know how many magical poisons there are?" he asks, with a a longsuffering voice, "stuff that can eat not only your body, but your soul?"

"It'll be fine, James," Madison says, leaning in and pecking him on the cheek, "we'll have one person in the kitchen, one person out by the grill, and one watching the path in between. And you're not scared of death by poison," she finishes, with a devilish grin, "or you wouldn't drink that much."

Oh god, are you hosting another barbecue?

You can see the defenses crumbling behind James' eyes.

Looks like you are.

"You're going to have to give us a ride," James says, "I spent a lot of time on these barriers, and I not moving the Winnebago out of them."

Then the van pulls up, Melon in the driver's seat and honking like a teenager trying to get his date to come out.

...oh, you never shut off the call with Mary. And you might have accidentally shifted it to speakerphone.

"I think we've got our ride," you tell him, and he grimaces.

"Alright," Madison yells at her little army, "there's food! Let's go!"

Now THAT gets a reaction. You can't imagine life on the road is great, but you didn't think food would be that much of a motivator.

Everyone piles into the van, and you manage to get Melon into shotgun, instead of the driver's seat. Yeah, she's licensed, but...

"Alright," you say, turning to look at the overcrowded back seats, "we under temporary, hopefully permanent truce. If you fight in my car, if you use magic in my car, if you get nookie in my car, or if you don't fasten your seatbelts, your head will be decorating a pike in my yard. Do I make myself clear?" you ask.

"What he said," you hear from Madison, "except his car, his yard - you know."

You get the full chorus of nods, including James.

Then you turn the thing around, and you're back to driving.

And there's W on the side of the road, sticking out his thumb like he's trying to hitch a ride.

>Pick up your sword brother and give him a ride
>Don't pick up your sworn brother
>WRITE IN

Somebody suggested barbecue, and I went with that over restaurant.

>>2717870
>>Pick up your sword brother and give him a ride

>>2717870
>Pick up your sword brother and give him a ride

>>2717870
>>Pick up your sword brother and give him a ride

>>2717870
>Pick up your sword brother and give him a ride
who wants to beat that they're cousins?

>>2717870
>Pick up your sword brother and give him a ride
Right, let's get this over with. If he's calling to pick us up, he should have a plan.

>>2717870
>>Pick up your sword brother and give him a ride
This can only end well.

>>2717870
>Pick up your sword brother and give him a ride
I'm hoping that he was near the phone earlier. Otherwise he probably expected the car to be empty and the cluster is about to fuck.
>If anyone asks you're a rival softball team from out of town called the Winning Winnebago.

>>2717893
> And a bear made off with your lunch so I offered you some barbecue for today.

>>2717870
>>Pick up your sword brother and give him a ride
Watch magical girls for reactions, and give him the same speech, for appearance's sake if nothing else.

>>2717870
>Stop the car in front of him
>What would Jesus do? *Turn to your passengers*
At best he can just teleport if no one picks him up

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>>2717870
You pull over next to W, and you hear James muttering "you are fucking kidding me" under his breath behind you.

Someone pulls a side door open, and the wizard clambers in.

"You're fucking kidding me!" James yells, "this fucking bast-"

And you cut him off as the door slams.

"Are you going to fight in my car?" you ask, jamming the accelerator.

"Not now that we're going seventy!" James says.

"Are you going to use magic in my car?" you ask, "you remember the list."

"You think I could use magic without killing everyone?" James asks, "so, no."

"Have you fastened your seatbelt?" you ask.

"Yes!" you hear from damn near everyone.

"Then there's only one thing I have left to worry about," you say, piloting the minivan through traffic, "so you must be thinking of..."

"Holy shit, I'm not going to fuck this guy!" James yells.

Oh, if there's one thing you can count on magical girls for, it's good reactions to that sort of joke. A stand-up comedian couldn't hope for a better audience.

"Well," you say, "that's good news," you tell him after the chorus of giggles dies down, "pikes are bad lawn ornaments. Drive the property value down."

There's a dull roar of conversation the rest of the way home, and you can't really catch any of it.

So you call Liska, and tell her that there's going to be an unexpected number of guests for a barbecue tonight.

She's very happy. And the phrase 'blitzed like Poland' come up a couple times. You wonder if she's going to buy more liquor than meat at the grocery store.

>Then you're home, piling out of the car, and you ask James what his problem with ...W is.
>Then you're home, piling out of the car, and you ask W what James' problem with him is
>Then you run over a priest
>Then you're home, talking to Madison about making sure her troupe stays in line
>WRITE IN

>>2717929
>>Then you run over a priest
Fuck it.

>>2717929
>Then you run over a priest
Think of the dad jokes.
> Father O'Brien.

>>2717929
>And then you nearly run over a priest that jumped in front of us on the highway.

>>2717929
>>Then you're home, piling out of the car, and you ask W what James' problem with him is
>>Then you run over a priest

>>2717929
>>Then you run over a priest
Maybe a holy man will be useful in dealing with demons. I've been wondering what the church's reaction to this invasion has been.

>>2717929
Oh, yeah, should we invite Bernie and his beau to the party?

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>>2717929
Why are we running over a priest!?

>>2717929
>Then you run over a priest
The fuck?

>>2717929
>Then you run over a priest
Fuck it, meme option it is.

Think it's Kirei, or someone with an actual sense of decency and morals?

>>2717929
>Then you run over a priest
I mean, at this point, we have everything but the kitchen sink. Why not a priest?

Also, it'd be fucking amazing if our partially divine daughteru started attracting attention from American spirits like fucking Coyote.

>>2717929
>Then you're home, talking to Madison about making sure her troupe stays in line

Fuckin mystery box

>>2717972
>Coyote starts propositioning our daughteru

As a participant in this madness, I'd laugh my ass off, but putting myself in the player character's shoes, that's a one-way ticket to shotgun city.

>>2717949
I don't know man. We just lost our moral high ground over Shelby's tokyo drift skillz. I hope anons are happy.

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>>2717929
A man stumbles onto the road in front of you.

And you slam the brakes.

Or was he pushed?

"Fuck your rules!" James yells, bursting across the seat. W has already slid back the door, so at least he doesn't damage your windows.

Then W dashes after him.

You punch the hazard lights button.

"We're going," you hear from several magical girls at once, as they follow the two wizards out the door.

So you clamber out the passenger side door and around to the man crumpled on the tarmac in front of your bumper.

"You ok?" you ask.

"I'm ok," he says, "I promise. Just give me a sec. Or maybe-" he coughs, spewing out blood, "a couple minutes."

And he's in something like a catholic priest's cassock.

"Don't bother with insurance," the man says, "I was pushed. Not on you."

You hear cheers from behind you. It seems like the magical girls killed a demon.

"By a demon," you say, "look," you continue, dragging him back into the van, "I know what pushed you," you say, looking into his eyes, "and I need you in for this."

"Fuck man," he says, "I got out of that business years ago."

"I don't care," you tell him, laying him out on the seat, "at least you're going to get healed and get to go to a barbecue."

"Sounds fun," he says, as the girls and (miraculously) both wizards come back to the van.

"Anyone who knows healing magic," you say, as they pile into the car, "do that guy."

"He doesn't need it," you hear from the back seat.

What? you wonder, swerving back into traffic, he got hit by a minivan and doesn't need healing?

Well, yeah, you braked hard, but it still couldn't have been nothing.

>You arrive home and interrogate 'James' about his connection with 'W'
>You arrive home, and interrogate 'W' about his connection with 'James'
>You arrive home and interrogate the 'priest'
>You arrive home and it's grill time, baahyybbeeeee!
>WRITE IN

>>2717987
>>You arrive home, and interrogate 'W' about his connection with 'James'
We don't need a wizard duel at the house. Don't want to have to spend another weekend fixing the place.

>>2717987
>>You arrive home and it's grill time, baahyybbeeeee!

>>2717987
>"That's the dumbest diagnostic i've heard in a while"
>You arrive home, and interrogate 'W' about his connection with 'James'

>>2717948
>You arrive home and it's grill time, baahyybbeeeee!
>Liska honey, we are not having a repeat of last time. Things are complicated enough without accidentally adding that to the mix.
I have absolutely no idea why we said that it was a demon out loud before we knew if the priest himself was actually magical. Great job keeping up the masquerade right there.

>>2717991
>>2717998
>>2718008
Supporting

>>2717987
>>2717998
second

>>2717987
>You arrive home and it's grill time, baahyybbeeeee!
We’ll just ask the questions while we’re grilling.

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>>2717987
"That's the dumbest diagnostic I've heard in a while," you say, while piloting the minivan through the streets of your suburban neighborhood.

"It's true, though." a voice says, and you could swear it's the voice of the man in the priest's cassock, "I mean it, I'm ok - trust me."

That sounds hellishly familiar.

'I'm not ok, I promise'? That's what Ellie said. And it's a line from the same song.

And then you're home, and the 'priest' walks out like he'd never been in a car accident. He wasn't kidding when he said he didn't need healing.

You pull W aside as he steps out, and ask "history with 'James', go."

"We worked together a few times," the wizard tells you, "last time we were in together things got real bad. Kill all your ex-and-current girlfriends-and-wives bad. That's when I bailed. Didn't want it to kill my future ones too. I think the curse collapsed in on itself after that. Not sure if he got out before that. He's probably still bitter."

"Got a good reason to be," you mutter at W, "know anything about that 'priest' we picked up?"

"Dude," W says, "that guy vanished when the catholics took him. At five. Then he resurfaced known only as 'The Priest' or 'The Drummer.' He's dead as fuck, but neither Heaven nor Hell wants him. I heard he played with a rock band at some point, but the band broke up."

"And he's in there with our daughters," you say.

"He's a catholic priest," W says, "as long as your son's not an altar boy -"

And then you start choking the wizard.

"It was funny the first thirteen thousand times," you say, "we're way beyond that now. And I don't have a son."

"Ok, ok," W says, gasping for breath as you let him down, "he's an immortal monster catholic priest drummer. Who probably went into Hell at some point."

"And I just invited him into my house, and my barbecue?" you ask, glaring at the wizard as you release him.

"The invitation doesn't really matter," W says, slumping against the hood of the minivan, "only vampires need that."

>Grill
>Find the 'priest' and interrogate him
>Find 'James' and get his side of the story
>Drag all the men in the house out to the grill
>WRITE IN

>>2718049
>>Drag all the men in the house out to the grill

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>>2718049
>Grill

>>2718049
>>Drag all the men in the house out to the grill
fastest way to clear the air.

>>2718049
>>Drag all the men in the house out to the grill

>>2718049
'The Drummer.'
waiiiiiiiit, that sounds familiar...

>Find 'James' and get his side of the story

>>2718049
>>Drag all the men in the house out to the grill
Ask pointed questions of the priest when possible.

Are Rin and Illya actually here? I can't tell if they're in the main group now or spend spare time fobbing off since they've had no spoken lines for a long while.

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>>2718049
This has gotten a little too screwed.

"Get to the grill," you tell W, "and pull any man, any male, anything with an XY genetic signature, and anyone who identifies as a man who you encounter on your way out there with you."

"Fuck," W mutters from behind you, as you stride into the house, "you're learning the loopholes of magic!"

That's something you didn't ever want to learn.

"Birnam Wood's not gonna kill me," you say, looking back at the wizard as you open your door.

And you head to the kitchen.

"Liska," you say to your wife, "are they ready?"

"Of course," she says, "and Harriet and Shelby set the grill up for you. I think Kelly's out there already."

"Thanks," you tell her, taking the platters of meat, and then you yell "men! To the grill!"

It's the last refuge of the American man.

And you've gathered all the men here around it, as you put on the meat.

Kelly, Shelby, W, the priest, James, and that white-haired guy in Madison's crew.

So you're all standing around the grill. Making small talk about sports, your families, the normal things.

Then Fred pops his head over the fence.

"You having another cookout?" he asks, and then his eyes light on the priest.

"Great," the priest mutters, "I get run over AND I have to kill an angel today. Justice is dead."

And that's a dangerous look in his eyes.

>Hold him back - Fred's a friend, man
>'Justice is dead'? What are you on, man?
>Harriet, please do that 'nobody notice' shit for this
>The burgers need flipping.
>WRITE IN

>>2718089
Illya is Shelby imouto, Rin is the magical girl and Rachel imouto.

>>2718097
>Hold him back - Fred's a friend, man
>The burgers need flipping.

Na man, Fred's not clued in, don't worry about him.

>>2718097
>Hold him back - Fred's a friend, man
>I'm sure the whole accident thing got you shaken up, chill

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>>2718097
>"Great," the priest mutters, "I get run over AND I have to kill an angel today. Justice is dead."

oh wonderful

>Harriet, please do that 'nobody notice' shit for this
>The burgers need flipping.

>>2718097
>Fred the most innocent angel
>Probably Cupid

Yeah poor Fred needs three fiddy

>Harriet, please do that 'nobody notice' shit for this
>The burgers need flipping.

>>2718097
>>Hold him back - Fred's a friend, man

>>2718108
>Fred the most innocent angel
That... explains a lot, actually.

>>2718097
>Hold him back
>Weird stuff keeps happening today/ >Accidentally ran over a priest while on the way to get this softball team some food. They must have given him some good pain medication. The Winnebago Wingdings got their lunch stolen by a bear so I decided to be a good neighbor and give em some grub.

>>2718097
>Hold him back - Fred's a friend, man
>'Justice is dead'? What are you on, man?

>"Great," the priest mutters, "I get run over AND I have to kill an angel today. Justice is dead."
What

>>2718135
>Winnebago softball team
Forty keks what is our team name? Shotgun suburbs?

>>2718135
This

>>2718135
Supporting this softball team I mean we have also have one.

>>2718097
Is this like the angel from Neil Gaiman's "Good Omens" book?

Because that's totally Fred.

>>2718135
>>2718097
Supporting.

>>2718135
Support! Keep it normal!

Fred is the normal police and we have the greatest gathering of magic in the city second only to whatever blender we threw all the demons into last month.

Looks like OP passed out again.

>>2718217
Nah he's drunk business as usual.

>>2718219
>>2718217
these are not mutually exclusive

Quick since HaikuDeluge is asleep name a softball team that we can give to Fred.

The Firefox softball team [/spoilers]

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>>2718097
>Fred, an angel

>>2718097
>Fred's an angel.

So what, he's our guardian angel or something? Or maybe an observer sent to monitor us because our sister's a demon?

>>2718262
it all makes sense now

>>2718097
>Hold him back - Fred's a friend, man

>>2718262
Nah. This priest just a gayboi smitten by Fred.

>>2718282
>Fred pulls a keg of beer out of almost nowhere
>It is the best anyone has ever had
>Wait, when did Fred get so much gold jewelry?
>WAIT where his eyes always that color?!
>WHEN DID HE GET HAIR! MUCH LESS TURN BLONDE?!
>inb4 Fred is Gilgamesh or his wife is genderbent Gilgamesh.

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>>2718292
Chances are his true form will look like pic related

>>2718304
>>2718292

Nah.

Fred is more interesting as a totally normal foil to the weird shit in our lives.

>>2718312
Priest just thinks hes a angel because Fred brought home flowers for his wife that day.

inb4 Fred is the Angel's equivalent of Dense Protagonist. Because all this spiritual/magic mumbo jumbo is commonplace for spiritual/magical beings, he doesn't realize how out-of-place it is in the mortal realm.

>>2718338
Nah. He's just a normie so their magical disguises actually work on him.

>>2718338
Also that is literally the angel from "Good Omens". He's *very* British.

But no. Fred works best as our flipped Hiroshi and Daisuke. Instead of showing us how wacky our antics are even within the setting, Fred shows how they're percieved by Normal people whom the disguise magic works on, coming up with mundane explanations instead of our hard no-sell on treating magical stuff as exceptional or special instead of annoying bullshit.

...Okay, with the demon incursion, what if the forces of heaven got involved? I'm just hoping that maybe this "Fred" is a disguise of an angle and that actual Fred is just knocked out somewhere nearby

>>2718097
>Harriet, please do that 'nobody notice' shit for this
>Hold him back - Fred's a friend, man

>>2718327
>Fred just has such a massive aura of goodly good that he gets mistaken for an angel
>His son later ends up being the heir to the Mantle of Mr Rogers

>priest thinks fred is an angel because he's the only man on earth with absolutely no evil in his soul

>>2718097

>The burgers need flipping

Also y dont you come over and bring your people

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I woke up and it turned out I hadn't actually posted the "I'm going to sleep now" post I'd typed. Fuck.

Thread should resume shortly, once I've reread a bit and counted this mess of votes.

>>2718097
>Hold him back - Fred's a friend, man
The care package he's given was nice, invite the guy

>>2718099
Yeah I know that.
I went and checked the previous thread.
Both have exactly one line of speech in the previous thread and no interaction with us. Then another sentence or two where they're even mentioned. It's probably just a limitation of juggling so many characters since pink and red haven't made any impressions after we got back to town either now that I think about it. I'm sure they'll have their own chances.

>>2718521
>It's probably just a limitation of juggling so many characters
Basically this. There really hasn't been a lot of time to deal with anyone except plot and family since the MC got back. And shattering the dreams of some idiot who thought 'witching out' in Hell was going to get her a shot at nobility.

Since a usual voting/post cycle takes about 45min to an hour, having an actual conversation with a character is a pretty big investment. and Einz, Rachel, and Shirley are the girls whose dads are actually around.

And now I have to juggle the priest, too. Why did we have to run him over again?

>Fred angel
I've been wondering why Heaven has apparently been allowing demons to run free in the mortal realm. Even if the MGs have it handled, it doesn't seem like the sort of thing they'd let slip; after all, turnabout is fair play. My best guess is that they don't want to risk escalation, but that still doesn't seem right, seeing as a demon invasion is happening anyway. W is well read on demons, he should be at least aware of holy stuff, right?

>>2718521
>It's probably just a limitation of juggling so many characters
Haiku has made grumbling noises about the amount of characters before, even before we introduced another batch of them. We do have a lot of named characters, but I'm not sure how to shed them without it causing issues IC. Delegating part of the city to groups of our subordinates?

>>2718526
>Why did we have to run him over again?
Rule of the highway of life: You get in the way of a larger moving object, expect to get run over.

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>>2718097
Your hand clamps down on the priest's shoulder.

At about the same time as W, Kelly, and James grab the guy too.

"Are you high?" you whisper, "Fred's a friend. Probably the most normal guy I know."

"Yes," the priest says, looking at you with pinprick pupils, "they always look that way, don't they? Not sure I appreciate the group hug."

"You're my guest," you tell him, "and you'd better act like it."

Well, he's restrained for the moment, so you turn back to Fred.

"Yeah," you call back at your neighbor, "it's a post-game cookout. The girls had a pretty good game against the Winnebago Wingdings, and we invited them over."

"That's good sportsmanship right there," Fred says, "so is he one of the dads? I thought priests couldn't get married."

"It's worse," the priest says, smiling, "I was the umpire."

Fred cackles with laughter.

"Christ," he says, "I wish Jimmy's little league was this friendly. Inviting the umpire to a cookout? That's..."

"You want to come on over?" you ask him. Never hurts to be friendly.

"Nah," Fred says, "I'm going out with Marlene tonight. Just catching some fresh air back here while she gets her hair right. Thanks for the offer, though."

"And thank her for that care package - it was great," you tell him, "those guys you saw earlier complimented it too."

"That's wonderful," Fred says, "I think hearing that will help her with her hair," and he heads back into his house.

"Alright," you say, as the door closes behind him,

>'Justice is Dead'? The hell are you on, man?
>Umpire, seriously? Gotta give you props for playing along
>I think I'm going to need to know a little more about you.
>Why'd you think he was an angel?
>WRITE IN

>>2718547
>>'Justice is Dead'? The hell are you on, man?
>>Why'd you think he was an angel?

>>2718547
>>Why'd you think he was an angel?

>>2718547
>>'Justice is Dead'? The hell are you on, man?
>>Why'd you think he was an angel?

>>2718547
>>Umpire, seriously? Gotta give you props for playing along
>Why'd you think he was an angel?

>>2718549
11:23 - 11:33 Voting period and all.

>>2718065
I couldn't resist it.

>>2718547
>'Justice is Dead'? The hell are you on, man?
>Why'd you think he was an angel?

>>2718529
I figure that they aren't supposed to do anything major until the apocalypse so them showing up is an EXTREMELY bad sign.
Plus there's the whole man was given dominion over the earth thing, so dealing with the demon problem is actually mankind's responsibility.

>>2718547
>No murdering my friends
>"Justice is Dead'? The hell are you on, man?

>>2718547
>>Umpire, seriously? Gotta give you props for playing along
>>I think I'm going to need to know a little more about you.

>>2718547
>Why'd you think he was an angel?
>Seriously, don’t kill him. He’s a refreshing oasis of normalcy in this complicated desert of magical contracts and demon hunting.

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>>2718547
"'Justice is dead'?" you ask the priest, "the hell are you on, man?"

"Bad heroin I beat out of some dealer," he says, "don't want to know what it's cut with, don't really care. And a bit of ice to keep me on my feet. But Justice IS dead," he finishes, tossing two halves of a tarot card onto your lawn.

'XI' is on the top half, 'Justice' printed on the bottom.

"Turns out Crowley was right with his substitution," he says, "wizards."

W gets that thoughtful look on his face, and James mutters "you've got to be joking."

"Why'd you think Fred was an angel?" you ask the priest.

"I felt it, man," he says, sagging as W and James try to hold him up, "like 44. Like all that bullshit in Albuquerque. Like... how are you all still standing? An angel makes people hit their knees just by being there," he finishes, wriggling out of their hold and slumping onto your lawn.

"Get this guy some water," you say, and Shelby hares off to do it.

"The sepirot is collapsing," the priest says on the ground, and you bump heads with James and W as you lean in to hear, "Justice is only the first."

>He's just a junkie - Put him on a couch and let's get back to grilling
>I'm going to need to know a bit more about you
>W, James, is this guy making any sense?
>You're going to have to stop speaking in riddles
>WRITE IN

>>2718583
>>W, James, is this guy making any sense?
So deep in the LSD, he's immortal.

>>2718583
>W, James, is this guy making any sense?
>You're going to have to stop speaking in riddles
This is getting weirder and weirder.

>>2718583
>>He's just a junkie - Put him on a couch and let's get back to grilling
He's sounding badly scrambled, and it's not lining up with all the other usual weirdness. Not everything we stumble across will be actually magical.

>>2718583
>Drown the bad trip. Hand him over to the wife to get him drunk.

>>2718583
>>He's just a junkie - Put him on a couch and let's get back to grilling

If Heaven is collapsing that's something we'll deal with later. There are actually manageable bullshit situations to deal with here and now.

>>2718583
>>W, James, is this guy making any sense?

>>2718583
If you kill one of my friends I am going to find an afterlife that keeps you there.
Does anything this guy is saying actually make sense?
>>2718589
The other magical guys actually knew him and you can't normally heal back blood that already came out of your body with junkie powers.

>>2718583
>W, James, is this guy making any sense?
>Goddamn it, I’m going to have to use the Sword again, aren’t I?

>>2718583
>W, James, is this guy making any sense?

[Rock quest intensifies]

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>>2718583
"W, James," you ask the wizards clustered around the priest, "is this guy making any sense?"

You can see Kelly out of the corner of your eye, talking to the white-haired boy with a sword. He never really was interested in the academic side of wizardry, was he?

"He's scrambled," W says, "Crowley went with 'VIII' as 'Justice' and substituted it with 'Adjustment'. 'XI' is 'Strength' and Crowley substituted 'Lust'."

"Either way," James says, "he's saying that one of Geburah's paths is broken. Tiferet or Chesed. Take your pick, but we're still fucked."

"So there is no 'awe' or 'judgement' in love, by way of 'lust'," W says, "or there is no balance in..."

He trails off.

"Can you guys speak plain English?" you ask.

"We're fucked," James says again, "assuming he's not totally out of his mind. And I'm thinking we give him the benefit of the doubt - I've done some of my best work blazed. You know the sephirot?"

"God help me, I'm not a wizard," you tell him.

"Someone's trying to crash it," W mutters, "if he's right. But I can't verify anything. We're stuck in Malkuth, dammit!"

This has gotten all too weird, and they're still not speaking plain English.

"I can't really explain it from ground zero," James says, "but it's a model of the spiritual universe. Sort of. A bunch of rabbis got really high back in the day, and mapped out god's attributes to domains. Spheres. Then the gnostics -"

"Goddamn heretics," the priest interjects, "the 'gospel' of Thomas is a fanfic and you know it."

"So's Paul's work," W mutters, "unless you're going to admit 95 complaints nailed to a door."

The priest glares at him.

"As I was saying," James continues, "it's a map of the realms beyond our own earth, which is the lowest sphere - Malkuth. Crowley mapped it to the Tarot. And it's also a sort of map of the human soul. And an image of how the physical world is formed by the spiritual. I really can't explain it."

Well, you're not going to argue that. He really can't explain it.

You're more mystified than you were when things started.

>Is there any way to verify this?
>I'm going to go talk to someone else while you guys debate this
>We should put the priest on a couch
>I'm just going to grill now
>WRITE IN

>>2718658
>Is there any way to verify this?
>Ok so what the fuck broke it?
>We should put the priest on a couch

>So, what is Hell and what do you know about it?

>>2718658
>I'm going to go talk to someone else while you guys debate this
This is way, way over our heads. They can come talk to us when they start talking plain english and have something we can do about it.

>>2718658
>I'm just going to grill now
>Do you really think this is something to investigate?
>Call Harriet, is this her doomsday thing?

>>2718658
>>Is there any way to verify this?
>>I'm just going to grill now

>>2718658
>>I'm going to go talk to someone else while you guys debate this
We need to talk to the girls to get this alliance going. This is, for the moment, above our pay grade. We need to build our base before we start hitting this higher tier shit.

>>2718668
Actually you know what? W and Kelly need to know Harriet's story now. Exclude everyone else and get us four together to discuss the absolutely real apocalypse we will be dealing with.