File: Obviously Mary.jpg (295 KB, 2438x3253)

295 KB JPG

>>2678398
In the aftermath of the dinner where you negotiated with the dragon, you had to go into a 24-hour pharmacy to pick up a morning-after pill or two.

Karen, one of the magical girls in your squad, had gotten a little too... frisky with a minotaur in Bernie's crew.

Your wife, Liska, a kitsune, was all too familiar with what a minotaur's sperm could do. (700 years is a long time, you keep telling yourself.) And so there was a family expedition to a pharmacy that is now on the 'protection list'.

Hey, that guy gave good service!

Even wiped the security tapes for you.

You're trying to tune out that chatter from the backseat, as Liska talks to Karen and gets her invested in the necessity for a pharmaceutical remedy for potential pregnancy.

You're trying to tune it out with a conversation with Mary, who somehow managed to ride shotgun after Liska departed for the back seat.

A magical girl who's been heading the crew your daughter joined up with for a few years.

And who bent the knee to you, and swore sisterhood/brotherhood, after a session where she tried her damndest to bait you into violent action, according to what she just said.

"Anyone ever tell you you look like a goddess?" you say with a wink, as the streetlights flash past.

"Only all the guys at the bar," she says, with a smirk, "and that wizard back there," she goes on, jerking her head at T.T.'s car.

The car he borrowed from you. And his wife Alice had better be more sober than he is, because she's driving.

"The contract just meshed with me," she tells you, "not sure anyone, even the rats, knows why. And that was a damn funny line, considering your wife," she says, looking back at Liska, who's apparently won Karen over and is getting the redhead to take the pill, "is right back there."

"Bit of a joke," you say, eyes on the road, "old habits die hard. And how do you think this thing between Bernie's crew and ours in gonna go?"

"Pretty damn well, if Karen's an indication," Mary tells you, with a swirl of pink hair marking her sudden turn toward the back seat, "so were the Prairie Oysters or the real thing better?" she asks, looking at Karen.

"Not telling," the redhead says, staring back at her with venomous eyes, "try for yourself."

"Like I said," Mary tells you, "pretty damn well."

>Can I leave you in charge while my family goes on vacation?
>What about those other magical girls - T.T.'s and Kelly's daughters? They gonna fit in?
>does the 'protection list' I signed that shop on for cover mundane crimes or just demon incursions?
>WRITE IN

>>2678398
I love this quest

>>2678507
>>What about those other magical girls - T.T.'s and Kelly's daughters? They gonna fit in?

>>2678507
>Can I leave you in charge while my family goes on vacation?

>>2678507
>Can I leave you in charge while my family goes on vacation?

File: Questing In A Nutshell.jpg (52 KB, 400x400)

52 KB JPG

>>2678529
20:43 - 21:03 Voting period, write-ins considered after that if I see the while writing and they mesh in.

[META STUFF]
Twitter, for runtimes and such: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge

Archive, for catching up: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Shotgun

(Yes, the only tag that works is 'shotgun', because someone messed up archiving. That seems fairly appropriate.)

Oh no, there's a characters/notes doc, and it should definitely not be taken super seriously: https://pastebin.com/Ci70z8w1

>>2678550
>>Can I leave you in charge while my family goes on vacation?
Glad to see the quest back

File: Still Mary.jpg (2.25 MB, 2838x2838)

2.25 MB JPG

>>2678507
"Think I can leave you in charge while I go on vacation with my family?" you ask Mary, as you stop behind Kelly Edwards' car at a VERY yellow light.

And if it had gone red partway through, you might have lost T.T.'s car.

That guy really knows how to run a security caravan.

"I've always been in charge before, right?" she asks you, as if expecting an argument, then her expression softens a little, "but since I've got a few more 'brothers'," she says, glancing at the cars in front and behind, "I'd be open to some advice. And you think T.T. could summon a few demons for us to 'practice' on?"

You'd been thinking exactly the same thing. That would help Freebles get his numbers up, and appease his boss a bit, so he doesn't show up to audit accounts.

There's no double-entry bookkeeping on demon energy/souls, as far as you know.

"Probably," you tell the pink-haired vision in the shotgun seat, "more interested in whether you could keep them in line around my house. Don't want to come back to a crater or a party house."

Realization dawns on her face.

"Course I could," she says with a smile, and starts turning toward the back seat, before you grab her arm.

Fast to action. Ok, you can deal with that.

"Once I'm gone," you tell her, "don't start yelling at them now. They won't remember it in the morning. And what about Einz and Rachel?" you ask, remembering Kelly's and T.T.'s daughters.

"Oh," she says with a smirk, "they'll fit right in. Give 'em a couple days."

That's far more teeth than you'd ever wanted to see in the face of a teenager her age.

And then you're rolling into your own driveway. Somewhat miraculously.

>Alright, Liska, we're giving all 'our' girls the talk [WRITE IN suggestions]
>Alright, everyone, to bed
>Let the teenagers bunk down, then talk with Kelly about a boot camp
>Let the teenagers bunk down, then talk with T.T. about summoning demons for them to kill
>WRITE IN

[META NOTE: For those who care, options 3 AND 4 WILL BE COMING BACK IF YOU TAKE OPTION 1]

Honestly, this quest STILL confuses and delights me because I'm trying to figure out what mafia theme works with it. Leaning towards The Sopranos.

>>2678694
>>Alright, Liska, we're giving all 'our' girls the talk [WRITE IN suggestions]
>Time and place
Contraceptives/pills/ condoms mandatory
Not at our house, yes, applies to you and Shelby too, Melon.
>Seriously though someplace private when nothing shitty is going on, don't be pressured, clean up after yourself, and don't tell me about it unless you want ,me to kick the guy's ass.
>And be damn sure about the guy. Or girl in your case Harriet.

>>2678694
>>Alright, Liska, we're giving all 'our' girls the talk [When a male and a female love each other very much, or get very drunk, or very horny, penis goes in vagina. If contraceptives are not used it is very likely a baby will come out, in fact all of you are here because your parents did exactly that. Now, certain magical creatures are extremely fertile, Karen's Minotaur boyfriend is one example. In fact if we hadn't just gone and gotten her Plan B she would most definitely be pregnant. The most interesting part about this, or so I have recently learned, is that not a single magical girl has been recorded as ever surviving her pregnancy due to the brew of demonic and other magical energy swirling around inside of you. At best we could guess this ends in miscarriage, but most likely it well.. have any of you seen the movie Alien?] Obviously spruce it up, I am not a dad and I have never had to give "the talk" to anyone.
>Let the teenagers bunk down, then talk with T.T. about summoning demons for them to kill

>>2678694
>>Let the teenagers bunk down, then talk with Kelly about a boot camp
I'd rather not make Karen's stunt that big of a deal, I'm sure the others common sense will tell them to not follow her example.

>>2678720
21:27 - 21:37 Voting period or so, write ins worked after that if they catch my eye while I'm writing.

>>2678694
>>Let the teenagers bunk down, then talk with Kelly about a boot camp
>>Let the teenagers bunk down, then talk with T.T. about summoning demons for them to kill

>>2678752
Maybe give the giant talk tomorrow after we get a much more... comprehensive list of magical sex related problems to add to the regular ones?
>Talk with Kelly about Boot camp in the off chance we resort to desperate measures like raiding Hell to remove a massive amount of debt.
>Talk to TT about da summoning
>Ask both of them if they know anyone who can do regular medical checkups on Red.If Minotaurs have 100% fertility rate independent of the time of the month then we have at least the rest of the month until she's out of the woods.

File: Totally the wife.png (2.39 MB, 2665x2453)

2.39 MB PNG

>>2678694
"Liska," you whisper to your wife as she gets out of the car, "I think they need the talk."

"What gave you that impression?" your wife says, her tails swishing as she alights with a madcap grin on her face, "I've already had the talk with everyone in the back," she whispers at you as she walks by, "and they're not going to try half the stuff I did when I was young."

Liska's eyes flash, and she gives you a grin.

Wait, 'half the stuff she did when she was young'? Seven hundred years... What's 'young'?

"Or probably anything at all without protection or something," she mutters, circling around you in a hug, then whispering straight into your ear, "you know, baseline normals have the highest breeding potential of anything? They can bear or seed damn near anything," and then her teeth just graze your ear, "magical or not. I'm guessing magical girls are just one step above that, and I let them know it," she tells you, a toothy grin on her face.

"Is Mendel rolling in his grave?" you whisper back, in a weak joke.

"They could power the West Coast off him," Liska tells you in a bare breath, everything she says tickling your ear, "that monk was only looking at peas. He didn't even get into hyperdominant and superdominant stuff."

>I'd like to give them my own talk [WRITE IN]
>Ok, 'half the stuff you did when you were young'? Driveway in front of everyone sounds good for this talk.
>Let's... talk about that later. And about how no magical girl has ever been reported to have had a child.
>Is that how Melon wound up with fox ears? 'Superdominant' genes?
>You take them inside, I'm talking to another dad about potential options for our war. [T.T. and/or Kelly]
>WRITE IN

>>2678893
>>Is that how Melon wound up with fox ears? 'Superdominant' genes?
>Let's... talk about that later. And about how no magical girl has ever been reported to have had a child.

>>2678694
>>Alright, Liska, we're giving all 'our' girls the talk Bring in the mandatory Spreadsheets and Powerpoint presentation.

Then have Liska give a panel on why FUCKING A MINOTAUR IS NOT A GOOD IDEA! Despite the 'benefits'

Make it repetitive, sometimes, boring but educational hell that will kill the younglings sexx drive for awhile.

I feel Karen does need to be punished, I don't mind her having a sex life if she plays it safe but she didn't and in a public event.

>>2678893
>>Ok, 'half the stuff you did when you were young'? Driveway in front of everyone sounds good for this talk.

>>2678893
>>2678908
Refering back to this vote.

>
>Ok, 'half the stuff you did when you were young'? Driveway in front of everyone sounds good for this talk.

Also this and I'm curious does Liska had other children or husbands before us? 700 years is a long time.

>>2678893
>Is that how Melon wound up with fox ears? 'Superdominant' genes?
>You take them inside, I'm talking to another dad about potential options for our war. [T.T. and/or Kelly]

>>2678893
>I'd like to give them my own talk
Talk to T.T. and see if we could get some pics on Demonic chlamydia, magical herpes, or some other fucked up crotch rot.

>>2678893
>>Is that how Melon wound up with fox ears? 'Superdominant' genes?
>>Let's go to bed honey i think im ready for action *lewd growl*

>>2678893
>>Let's... talk about that later. And about how no magical girl has ever been reported to have had a child.
>>Is that how Melon wound up with fox ears? 'Superdominant' genes?
>>You take them inside, I'm talking to another dad about potential options for our war. [Both]

>>2678893
>>Is that how Melon wound up with fox ears? 'Superdominant' genes?
>Let's... talk about that later. And about how no magical girl has ever been reported to have had a child.
>Also, care to show me those things you did when you were young tonight?

>>2678893
>So, how do I measure up against everything you've experienced? If it's less than at least 7/10 I'll have to up my game a bit.

>>2678893
>>2678921
Supporting this

>>2678921
oh shit your right....did she have other children beside our dear Melon

>>2678893
>>Let's... talk about that later. And about how no magical girl has ever been reported to have had a child.
>>Is that how Melon wound up with fox ears? 'Superdominant' genes?

File: Defintely also the wife.png (688 KB, 693x980)

688 KB PNG

>>2678893
"Ok," you whisper back into that oh-so-fuzzy ear, hugging your wife, "half the stuff you did when you were young? You're going to have to tell me about that wasted youth of yours... later. Preferably in bed, and demonstrating," you tell her, pressing your mouth into her ear, "and are those magical 'superdominant genes' how our little Melon ended up up with fox ears?"

"I'm pretty sure," Liska says, looking at you with eyes suffused with fear, desire, and absolute lust, "THIS is not the reason my sisters vanished into the woods after their husbands found out..."

"Are you going to vanish into the woods?" you ask her, softly, "or are you going to see this one out, and take the girls inside?"

"I'll be waiting for you," she says, with a terrifying bat of her eyelashes, "on your bed."

And then she starts to pull away.

>Oh no you won't, you're going to help out with a powerpoint about 'the talk' on the driveway, for the girls
>Take the girls inside - we're having a Dad Strategy thing out here
>Take the girls inside - and come back out for the strategy meeting
>I'll bet I get to my be faster than you
>WRITE IN

[Meta Note: I may have cocked things up with too many options there, so I'm trying to make the options much more explicit now.]

>>2679049
>>I'll bet I get to my bed faster than you

>>2679049
>Take the girls inside - and come back out for the strategy meeting
>Write-In
Mary, you come out too, I need to speak with you, T.T and Kelly.

>>2679052
Are you voting QM?

>>2679067
>>Take the girls inside - we're having a Dad Strategy thing out here
>>2679049
Supporting

>>2679049
>>Oh no you won't, you're going to help out with a powerpoint about 'the talk' on the driveway, for the girls

We need that PowerPoint

>>2679067
>Are you voting QM?
Nah, just correcting grammar on one of the vote options.

>>2679049
>>I'll bet I get to my be faster than you
I mean if even Haiku is voting for it

>>2679049
>>Oh no you won't, you're going to help out with a powerpoint about 'the talk' on the driveway, for the girls

We have to prevent shit like this happening again!

>>2679049
>Oh no you won't, you're going to help out with a powerpoint about 'the talk' on the driveway, for the girls

>>2679067
22:42 - 23:02 Voting period and all that.

>>2679067
>Are you voting QM?
No, just correcting my grammar on a voting option.

>>2679082
>I mean if even Haiku is voting for it
Again, was just correcting a voting option.

You don't want to vote with me.

I've shitposted quests to death before.

>>2679104

>dat spoiler

deets.

>>2679049
>>I'll bet I get to OUR bed faster than you

File: A Necessary image.jpg (828 KB, 1600x1116)

828 KB JPG

>>2679049
"Oh no you don't," you say, grabbing Liska's arm before she slips away from you.

"You're helping me out with an informative powerpoint on the driveway," you tell her, all smiles. You wonder for a split-second whether she's going to go for your throat.

"Kelly," you say, nodding at the one man who's virtually guaranteed to have a projector in the back of his car, "hit it."

"Alright, boss," he tells you, grinning as he goes for the trunk of the Mercedes.

Wait.

He said IRIS had given this presentation to his kids?

You might have walked right into it here.

...And the first slide is 'The Fisherman's' Wife's Dream'. Great.

"If they've got more than two arms," Liska intones (although you can read a little shock on her face), as everyone looks up at your garage door where this is being presented, "that's a bad sign. Don't go for it unless you're sure it's long term, or you can get the eggs out before they hatch. Lot of demons look like this, so don't be fooled."

You're suddenly regretting getting your wife at the MC for this event,

What are the neighbors going to think?

Kelly's projecting this up on your garage door. In full view of the houses across the street. Well, it's 1AM. Nobody's out right now, right?

>Add your perspective to it. [WRITE IN]
>Oh god, let's keep going and get it over with
>Commune with other dads while you let your wife handle it
>WRITE IN

>>2679164
Adding an additional option:
>Fuck this, we're done here

File: 1404647673261.jpg (14 KB, 205x203)

14 KB JPG

>>2679049

>hammer in the point with boring as shit power point

OR

>fugging fox waifu


...shit; decisions, decisions...

>>2679164
>Oh god, let's keep going and get it over with

File: American-Gods-vol-1-10.png (264 KB, 1024x542)

264 KB PNG

>>2679164
> You wonder for a split-second whether she's going to go for your throat.

Would Valkyries be Magical Girls?

> >Add your perspective to it. [WRITE IN]

Tell them that we'll be willing to help with any children. Be weirdly enthusiastic about Grandkids.

>>2679164
>>Oh god, let's keep going and get it over with
>Frank just thinks we're projecting movies on our garage door, wishes he was invited.

>>2679178
23:19 - 23: 29 Voting period. Speedruns and all that.

I think this is what the thread asked for?

>>2679164
>>Oh god, let's keep going and get it over with

>>2679183
This.

>>2679164
>Oh god, let's keep going and get it over with

>>2679164
>Oh god, let's keep going and get it over with

>>2679192
I dunno I asked for us to get the other dads and mary together to get that meeting I drunk typed over with, I dunno where the powerpoint came from.

>>2679183
This
>>2679164

>>2679164

>>2679183
Oh man I like this idea

File: fred.jpg (68 KB, 446x299)

68 KB JPG

>>2679164
"Doesn't matter how much your folks want grandkids," you say to nobody, loudly, looking at the images rolling by, and entranced by your wife's narration, "actually," you mutter, "they, uh, some of them might be kind cute."

Particularly some of the furry ones.

And you dart a glance at Melon. That's the way she got here, wasn't it?

You don't have much moral high ground here. Although your swampy lowground is something years before your daughter even existed.

Although even that was for normal, human women.

...but you really didn't want to hear those '15 tips for taking huge insertions' your wife decided to trot out.

And then you realized how many of those applied to you.

Foreplay is standard, right? For any man, or THING, that wants his partner to have a good time.

Right?

"Red flag if he doesn't at least try some of that," Liska says, finishing up and posing under the glare of the projector, "and you need to make him do it until you're ready. And if you didn't want him before it, you probably don't really want him afterward. Questions?"

"Look," you yell, "just think about your future. You've got one now - don't plan on dying tomorrow. Who do ya wanna be ten years from now? Who do ya wanna be with ten - twenty years from now? Think about it like that."

You get a nod from your wife, and looks of confusion from a lot of the other faces around you. Faces that were just looking at her.

Then you see a man walking a dog down the sidewalk. And staring at what's painted in lights on your garage.

Of course it's Fred. Of fucking course.

And he's WHISTLING.

>We're doing an avant-garde movie thing, Fred
>They're practicing for a play, Fred
>Fred, just... keep walking and be happy your wife isn't into this stuff
>Ice him, Kelly
>WRITE IN

>>2679283
>>They're practicing for a play, Fred

>>2679283
>Fred, just... keep walking and be happy your wife isn't into this stuff

>>2679283
>Fred, just... keep walking and be happy your wife isn't into this stuff

>>2679287
23:59 - 00:09 Voting period, write ins considered and all that.

>>2679283
>>They're practicing for a play, Fred
Also mention we will be out of town and TT or Kelly Will be housesitting and let the girls practice here

>>2679283
>We're doing an avant-garde movie thing, Fred

>>2679283
>They're practicing for a play, Fred
Oh, Fred. Thank you for being our anchor of normalcy in our ever more complex, magical lives.

>>2679283
>They're practicing for a play, Fred

>>2679283
>>Fred, just... keep walking and be happy your wife isn't into this stuff

File: Also Fred.jpg (20 KB, 220x326)

20 KB JPG

>>2679283
"Hey Fred," you say, accosting the man innocently walking his dogs and looking at the spectacle - wait, the "Q & A" slide is The Fisherman's Wife's Dream?

...as expected of Iris. Holy shit.

"Bit of a show, huh?" Fred tells you, winking.

"You're just glad your wife isn't into this kind of thing," you tell him, "they're practicing for this avant-garde play thing Melon's class decided to put on."

"Really?" he asks, "just wish my wife would get into Timmy's class stuff like Liska is. She seems to think acting is of the devil. Doesn't even want him trying out for Macbeth. Or the 'Scottish Play', as she calls it."

"Believe me," you tell him, remembering your experience, "there's danger in that one," you say, and then catch yourself, "but only the danger of trying to perform in front of your peers, and that's what we all have to do, isn't it?"

"Good prep for the office world, eh? Learning to act a role?" Fred says with a smile, "he'd just be an extra, and she doesn't even want him doing that."

>She's completely right - the 'Scottish Play' is bonkers
>He'll be fine - doesn't come in on any scene with the three weird sisters, right?
>I played Macbeth in one of those - he'll be fine
>WRITE IN

>>2679322
>>He'll be fine - doesn't come in on any scene with the three weird sisters, right?
>I played Macbeth in one of those - he'll be fine
Oh God... I see it now, we played Macbeth in a play were the ACTUAL 3 weird sisters showed up... fuck

>>2679322
>>I played Macbeth in one of those - he'll be fine
>>Trust me if he ever play McBeth and get out of one unscathed he will come out as a warrior in later years.

Leave Fred in state of confusion but understanding that one day he will realize what we are saying makes sense....in the coming years that is.

File: Questions.png (166 KB, 807x433)

166 KB PNG

I'm hopefully giving in to sleep now, but will resume upon waking up and such. Probably with irregular updates until Tuesday.

Someone mentioned Fred, and I like the idea of him showing for this.

I meant to get through leaving for the In-Laws' tonight, but I didn't. I thought I'd write a bit faster than I ended up doing.

Questions, comments, death threats - I'll respond to them even if I can't run.

>>2679283
Fred's in the game.
He HAS to be.
Only someone who consorts with demons would be crazy enough to walk his dog at 1 am.

>>2679322
>>He'll be fine - doesn't come in on any scene with the three weird sisters, right?

>>2679336
His dog is a cerberus

You hear it here first although Fred didnt know.

>>2679336
I do it to, if both me and the dog are awake. Its a lot more relaxing walking at night.

>>2679322
>I played Macbeth in one of those - he'll be fine
>He'll be fine - doesn't come in on any scene with the three weird sisters, right?

>>2679331
>death threats
I hope you get visited by angels and you're the subject matter and it isn't a good visit!

But in all seriousness, I was hoping we could finish the thread by having everyone go to bed at least, then we can put this night that feels dangerously long to bed.

I really wonder if Fred is in the game, what he is.

Anons lets speculate I will get my liquor and summarily get smashed.

>>2679322
>She's completely right - the 'Scottish Play' is bonkers
> It might just be superstition, by why force it if it makes your wife unhappy? Same logic that has me here doing this, but ya know it's worth a little pain now instead of a little pain forever whenever the topic comes up again.

I'm like 99% sure Fred's a fucking alien (who might think we're in the know on that) who was assigned to Earth or is survivor of a failed invasion (and either way went native), based on his dialogue when we first talked to him.

>>2679345
This guy gets it. But desu i only do it because i am really scatterbrained and go "oh fuck it's 2am already" followed by a "OH FUCK I STILL HAVENT WALKED THE DOGS".

>>2679380
>>2679345
Clearly both wizards.

>>2679378
I made up a bunch of titles for possible books Liska could write about our possible adventures. One of them was "Damn it. The Neighbors are Dwarves and Elves."

>>2679378
>The real long shot that Fred's somehow part of the world too, and is going to turn into a Loch Ness monster or a demon or something?
OH SHIT! HAIKU WENT FOR THE RARE DOUBLE BLUFF!

>>2679394
Yeah I know, that's likely what they are if anything. I just find it less hilarious than Fred and co. being literal aliens for some reason.

>>2679388
But the age for becoming a wizard is 30 and I'm only 19

>>2679441
I think you can circumvent that if you summon a Succubus to do petty chores around the tower, in full housekeeping gear instead of a fetish maid outfit, and send her back without fucking her.

Because after that you're basically a virgin by choice instead of circumstance.

>>2679322
>I played Macbeth in one of those - he'll be fine

I'm conflicted, there's part of me that wants Fred to stay the nice, innocent, completely normal neighbor that he is, but there's another that wants for him to turn out to be the TRUE BBEG.

>>2679643
I'm of the preference that Fred should be the completely normal neighbor. It gives everyone a lot more to work with and reminds us that before all of this we were completely normal people.

>>2679679
I say that Fred is completely normal and his wife is Jeanie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNg-xClEnqM

>>2679679
Sounds like a good idea, we could use a normal-side-grounded influence to not fall down the road other wizards go.
although we may be too late with setting up a mafia family and all that

>>2679688
I'm of the opinion that it is never too late
It never hurts to have a completely normal person's perspective on things, much like how the Thousand Year Blade is giving us advice on how to navigate the magical world in a Sengoku era point of view
Random fact to bring up, Al Capone never went to prison for any of the crimes he did except for Tax Evasion

File: Definitely Fred.jpg (163 KB, 1200x1200)

163 KB JPG

>>2679322
"He'll be fine," you tell Fred, "I played Macbeth in one of those. And it's not like he'll be on stage with the Three Weird Sisters, right?"

"Well, no," Fred tells you, "he's just been practicing his falls for the battle scenes. And he's started chopping limbs off trees so he can be 'Durnam Wood'," he says, shooting you a grin, "little scamp. Never figured you for a theatre kid back in the day, though."

Ah. So that's what's got Fred's wife - Marlene, was it? - so mad about the play. No wonder, if Timmy's shredding her shrubbery in theatrical enthusiasm.

"It was just a school play," you tell your neighbor, as his dog looks at your wife and whines, "not like I wanted to go to Juilliard or anything."

Fred bursts out laughing, and you can see Kelly and T.T. crack smiles out of the corner of your eye.

"You at Juilliard?" Fred asks incredulously, "now THAT would have been something. I just can't picture you on Broadway to save my life - you're a bit too salt-of-the-earth for that sort of thing."

...Yes, a bit too salt-of-the-earth indeed, you think, catching a few phrases from the circle of girls surrounding your wife, and really wishing you hadn't.

It's not that they don't need to learn this stuff, or really that they're talking about anything you haven't done, it's just, well, they're your daughter's age. They're your daughter's friends. Hell, one of them IS your daughter.

You're not really comfortable thinking about that... side of them.

At least Kelly's turned off the projector.

"Anyway," Fred says, "it's been fun, and I hope the play goes well, but Fido really needs his walk."

"Later, Fred," you tell him, and he ambles off with his dog.

The little conversational group around your wife shows no signs of dying down. Even the other wives are getting into it, leaving you, Kelly, T.T, and Shelby standing at the foot of the driveway.

[SET 1:]
>Talk to Kelly about training the girls in combat
>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill
>Tell Shelby not to get any bright ideas from the lecture

[SET 2, write ins for conversation appreciated:]
>Try to con T.T. into chaperoning this group at your house
>Try to con Kelly into chaperoning this group at your house
>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under control

>>2679952
>>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill
>>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under control

>>2679965
Support

>>2679952
>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill
"Hey T.T, is it possible to find a quiet out of the way place for summoning demons so that the girls can farm energy?"

And to be honest We're gonna need some extra training from Kelly as well. So when we get back it wouldn't hurt to get in on that training montage as well.

>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under control

Honestly Mary and Harriet are probably the best out of the entire "adult" leadership besides us on the sanity scale.

>>2679952
>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill
>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under control

Harriet has thirty years of wisdom. It'll be fine.
Also if he summons that demon we shouted at, just, like... shove her back through the portal? It would be rude if the girls killed he.r

>>2679952
>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill
>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under control

>>2679952
>Tell Shelby not to get any bright ideas from the lecture
>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under control

As long as we put the Dad brand fear of god in them I don't think there is much to worry about

>>2679952
>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill
>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under control

>>2679952
>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill
>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under control
We specifically asked her to keep them in line, I'm sure she can handle it. If anything T.T. visiting whenever he calls up demons to kill with the girls would mean he would be checking in regularly.

>>2679976
>>2679978
Oh, supporting these as well.

File: dsd.jpg (89 KB, 925x509)

89 KB JPG

>>2679534
>Denial
That's my fetish

>>2679952
>>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill
>>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under control

Probably

>>2679952
>ask TT about the demon summon farming and if he has a general idea of how long before he can give a report so that we can actually look at the numbers and do our accounting thing. We need to figure out stuff like if the girls even ear more than they use from killing demons and the quotas are just there to make sure they're even doing anything.
>Ask Kelly if his wife (or a trustworthy magical gynecologist) might be ok with giving Karen a checkup since my basic understanding of how plan B works and the way fertilization works means that Karen can still get impregnated.
(Human sperm lives for 5 days which is why there are 5 days out of the cycle that a woman can get pregnant while an egg is only viable for 24ish hours. If a minotaur is ultra fertile to a near 100% rate then the sperm can still impregnate for at least the entire cycle which means vigilance is needed. Our wife knows what she's talking about but suspect she's on the list of not as fertile as humans so she might be underestimating the situation.)
This doubles as making sure nothing gets out of hand for too long as an adult is stopping by regularly.
>Ask either of them if they or somebody else they know (like the wives or Purple) could make a theoretical report/explanation on what a hypothetical magical girl pregnancy to term is like. I hesitate to ask TT to do so personally since he's going to be busy with contracts.

>>2680120
*Regular checkup. Give Karen regular checkups for the month. We want a clean bill of health here.

>>2680120
Let's not run the whole pregnancy scare joke into the ground.

It's a joke, not a vital subplot

>>2679952
>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill

>Try to con T.T. into chaperoning this group at your house

Since his going to be sumnoning deamons for them any ways

>>2680132
>joke
Joke? This is a serious issue. Let it be in the background or whatever but this is a legitimate concern and I even outlined WHY it's a legitimate concern to have instead of forgetting about it only to discover plan B didn't work next month. We also need this info for the sex ed book for magical girls we're going to get published.

>>2679952
>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill
>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under control, or else.

>>2679952
Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill>>2680120
Supporting this as well

>>2680182
No man you're driving headlong into /d/ territory. I dunno if it's your fetish or of you can't tell when things are taken too far

>>2679952
>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill
>Tell Shelby not to get any bright ideas from the lecture

>Try to con Kelly into chaperoning this group at your house

>>2680286
Not that anon, but dude, it has already been said that Minotaurs have an almost 100% fertility rate, plan B only works by preventing ovum from implanting. If her cycle is far enough off that the Plan B wears off she could easily still get pregnant if minotaur sperm stays viable. This is not /d/ this is legit dad-concern type stuff. Follow that up with the little tidbit from wifey of, "Oh, baseline humans an basically breed or seed almost anything, magic probably makes it more potent." Means we need to be supremely careful in this situation. Karen made a mistake, I dont want to make it a big deal in front of others, but we should keep Mr Coathanger on speed-dial for the next month or two.

>>2680449
God I fucking hope this isn't a concern for the full ingame month. I'm completely done with it at this point.

File: T T and maybe he's Drunk.jpg (278 KB, 500x678)

278 KB JPG

>>2679952
"So," you say, hoping for any sort of small talk so you don't have to listen to the snatches of conversation floating down the driveway, "anyone know a good magic gynecologist? Asking for a friend."

They give you blank stares, and then start laughing.

"Fuck Broadway," Kelly says, "man, you should have gone on the stand-up circuit."

"I think Alice," T.T. tells you, trying to keep a straight face, "might be able to help out. Wizards and witches have been solving problems like that for millenia."

"And starting them," Kelly rejoins with a grin, "Iris knows a thing or two as well. Between the two of them, I don't think our potential mini minotaur stands much of a chance."

"Just..." you start with a sigh, "just don't get the girls thinking 'taking care of it' is too easy."

"Not sure there's danger of that," T.T. says, "have you heard the hard time she's getting?"

You've really been trying not to, honestly. And some of that 'hard time' seems a little too jocular for your taste.

"I've heard it's rather painful," the wizard stage-whispers to you, "so I doubt she'll try it again, if she does end up needing a full, uh..." he cuts off, his face turning a little pink as he ponders his next words.

Huh. So wizards have their own ways of dealing with these things. You guess it makes sense - after all, some of the earliest 'potion recipes' the archeologists found were for getting pregnant or avoiding it.

And if it's a wizarding thing, that's probably why Liska didn't think about it.

Wait, aren't you just having your own version of the conversation at the top of the driveway?

And you're not sure you want T.T. finishing that sentence. The man's face is almost as red as his coat now.

[1/2]

File: They say this is Kelly Edwards.jpg (178 KB, 434x578)

178 KB JPG

>>2680546
"Moving right along," you ask T.T., trying to change the topic, "what about summoning demons for the girls to kill while I'm gone? Might be a better way to keep Freebles' boss off our backs than just hunting them randomly."

"Might be a bit tricky, too," he tells you, still trying not to laugh, "nobody wants to come for a summoner's call once word gets out he's calling you to death. I've got my reputation to think about here. Although there might be some favors I could finagle out of it..." the wizard trails off, losing himself in thought.

"While you're gone?" Kelly asks, "things might get a bit interesting if you're taking a trip. I'm out of town next week too, and I'm not sure T.T. is up to, uh, managing them all," he finishes, jerking his head toward the girls.

Ok, the wizard's thinking really hard if he's not even rising to that bait.

"Mary can keep it under control," you tell Kelly, "she's been running that group for a while. And Harriet seems to have wisdom beyond her years."

Or at least the wisdom of her real years, you think darkly. Even if she doesn't seem to like showing it.

"I just hope Einz fits in," Kelly says, shrugging, "but I guess I don't have to worry too much," he tells you, glancing up the driveway.

Yes, those two heads of white hair look like they're fitting right into the little knots of conversation forming up there.

That's a little scary, actually.

File: T T Posing.jpg (259 KB, 577x814)

259 KB JPG

>>2680552
"So there's really two ways of doing it," T.T. says suddenly, breaking out of his reverie, "without me burning my contacts. First one is to decide who I still want to be able to call up after this is over, and find out who they don't like, then summon those guys for the girls. That could actually buy me some decent favors," he continues, "but it would pretty solidly align me with some factions in Hell, and I've been trying to stay equal-opportunity."

"Second option?" Kelly asks, and you can almost see the gears turning in his head about what the wizard's saying. And you can't help but narrow your eyes a little too - this guy's talking about summoning demons like ordering a pizza.

And aligning with 'factions in Hell'...

"Door number two," T.T. says with a flourish of his, wait, where did he get a wineglass? "is that I just put down the magical equivalent of a 'DEMONS WANTED' sign, like some amateur cultist, and the girls fight whatever decides to pop in for a party until I break it. That's a bit less risk for my reputation, but it's sort of rolling dice on what comes out to play."

"So you're sending up a flare for them, instead of calling in specific targets," Kelly says, "I kinda like it. And if he's calling them in at one point," he tells you, "the random attacks should die down a bit. Demons would pop in there instead."

>T.T., see what demons are in the bad books of the ones you want to keep summoning. 'Favors' doesn't sound bad.
>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms
>Neither of those sounds good, just stick with the girls when they go hunting.
>WRITE IN

>>2680555
>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms

>>2680555
>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms

Who knows, we may get lucky.

>>2680555
>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms

File: Questing in a nutshell.png (144 KB, 605x181)

144 KB PNG

>>2680563
17:06 - whenever Voting period.

I might fall off the face of the world until sometime tomorrow, but hopefully I'll be able to do a good run then.

>>2680366
>QM What have you done?
Dammit Moses, I threw the gold in the fire and this golden calf came out! I swear that's all I did!

I thought it would be an amusing incident at dinner, and it turned into a DAD SCARE and several mob boss moments, as well as a Fred scene, which is all great. It did eat more time than I'd anticipated, but whatever.

Also, at least now you have people for stuff like this.

>>2680555
>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms
Any way we can hold the demon in some sort of transportable form? I've got an idea for a Magical Girl on Demon Fight Club, with some gambling on the side. Maybe a little cockfighting ring, but with demons instead of roosters. Unless there's such a thing as demon chickens...

>>2680555
>>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms

Can he get one of the girls to do it instead to make it look like they're being overconfident.

>>2680555
>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms.

If we're lucky we can even get a portal to hell!
Family destination, fun for all ages.

>>2680596
Man let's just use a real emo

T.t teleports in and calls himself a devil and give the loser a proper set of instructions

>>2680612
Think we can also use horny idiots that want dat Succubi ass?

>>2680612
Unless we have kelly ice him afterwards, then we may have made a new threat in that instance

>>2680555

>T.T., see what demons are in the bad books of the ones you want to keep summoning. 'Favors' doesn't sound bad.

>>2680555
>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms

>And if something goes wrong, open portals to fetch backup.

>>2680555
>>T.T., see what demons are in the bad books of the ones you want to keep summoning. 'Favors' doesn't sound bad.

>>2680555
>>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms

>>2680555
>You want to pass the information along to me and I'll set it up on some type of drip timer or some shit? You don't burn'em and I end up taking the blame?

>>2680700
For fucks sake, you've seen how anons ideas change the direction of the quest? This shit won't be relevant if everyone just stops bringing it up, calm down.

>>2680555
>>T.T., see what demons are in the bad books of the ones you want to keep summoning. 'Favors' doesn't sound bad.
>>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms
Both of these options sound pretty good.

>>2680555
The demons wanted thing sounds like a good idea but we obviously need it to be in a location that won't engulf a city in flames if it's something strong.
>Realistically, what are the chances making a portal to hell and immediately ambushing whatever is nearby without the rest of hell noticing in the event of a quota emergency?

>>2680555
>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms
keep it outside the city though, don't want to "oops" our way into the middle of it and piss of burnie the dragon.

>>2680928
Think there's a way to banish anything from the circle that we "oops" as being too strong? Teaching the girls how to do that would prevent word getting back out about you being the summoner as at least a slightly higher layer of security.

guys, what if we first contact the demon we banished? supposedly she was loyal to us. She might have some insight in this situation.

>>2681029
According to the QM, the only reason she was loyal to us is because demons work on Might Makes Right and we blasted her with our magic shotgun, therefore making us mightier.

>>2681033
exactly. we can still try to bring her back (if possible) and see if she is still loyal to us. if she is, then she can help us with our plans. if she isn't, well, we can blast her.

>>2681087
Well, I don't know how demon logic really works. If the demon is back in hell by now, would she still be intimidated enough by us to do what we say?

>>2681099
we really don't lose much by trying, do we? we still get a demon to kill if she is not loyal to us.

>>2681101
You've got a good point there, actually. Though 'teaming up' with a demon might cause a couple problems if it works.

>>2681110
would it? we are already allying with sworn enemies and true neutrals. adding a demon to the equation won't affect things much. if anything, it might even stabilize the girls because it would add the demonic energy the girls need to the "magical yarn ball"

>>2681116
What? We're make Demon Lady Queen of Hell with the proviso that she leaves Earth the fuck alone? Don't they need to eat souls to survive or something?

>>2681124
I don't think we actually know what the demons' nutritional requirements are, but that seems pretty likely. This is shaping up to be a pretty vicious cycle.

>>2681137
>demons eat human souls
>magical girls ‘eat’ demon souls
>rats collect some of the resulting energy
Rats seem like they’re the top of the food chain here. Bet the demons don’t like them much.

Pretty sure they are gonna summon our sister and she takes over the gang.

>>2680555
>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms
>...although we'll need a quick rundown of the factions in hell at some later date - anyone we'd want to side with?

File: Also T T.jpg (231 KB, 419x700)

231 KB JPG

>>2680555
"T.T.," you tell the wizard, "I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms with a paperclip."

A look of horror crosses T.T.'s face, "but my professional reputation... Look, I'm a man who takes pride in my work!"

"It's so nobody knows it was you, dumbass," Kelly says with a smile, "because it's so far outside your M.O."

"I guess," T.T. says, somewhat mollified, "but it's still going to offend my sensibilities. And where am I supposed to get that many goats?"

You decide that you don't really want to know what parts goats play in all this, although you have your suspicions.

"Just make sure it's somewhere where there won't be too much damage to the city if something big pops in," you tell him, "and if you can get a circle around it, that would be even better."

Wait a second. Are you really trying to set up a deer feeder for demons?

"I'll see what I can do," T.T. says, "guess I'm working with Mary on this one. Never thought I'd be saying that."

"Did you say something about 'factions' in Hell earlier?" you ask, glancing up the driveway. It looks like the girls are going inside. Well, at least you're not having to try to tune them out anymore.

"There are always factions in Hell," T.T. tells you, "but it's a pretty chaotic mess of alliances, secret alliances, councils, committees, betrayals, clever plans, games, circles, clubs, exclusive clubs, cliques, and anything else you can think of. And they all change at the drop of a hat - or a head. I hear something different about it every time I call someone up who's in the mood to chat. That's part of the reason I like staying as neutral as I can."

"They say politics is Hell," Kelly grins, blowing out a cloud of smoke, "and I guess that means Hell is politics. Want to go inside?"

At this point, you'd like nothing better. It's been a long night.

[1/2]

>>2682086
Considering the speed everyone else finds a bed, or a couch, or a floor and a blanket, you're not the only one. Well, you can still hear the girls chattering in Melon's room as you plod off to your own, but they're still young and have some sort of mysterious boundless energy of youth.

...As does Liska, you find out when you do make it into your bed, and she's something like fourteen times your age. Luckily, her vitality calls up something answering in you, and the night finishes quite pleasantly.

Whatever else she might might be, Liska's never been a morning person. She's still fast asleep when the sun gets you up, encircling you in a veritable bed of flurry fox tails.

Or maybe it was the smell of breakfast that woke you up.

You pad out to the kitchen, and see Shelby hard at work with a frying pan. One day you're gonna figure this kid out - he's drag racing and danger one minute, and acting like a house husband the next. Looks like he hasn't noticed you yet.

And nobody else seems to be stirring.

>Then the phone rings
>Then there's a knock on the door
>Then you go talk to Shelby [write in topics appreciated]

>>2682090
>Then there's a knock on the door

It's the Girl Scouts of America selling magical cookies at this hour
The're actually druids in disguise

>>2682090
>>Then there's a knock on the door
"Would you like to talk about our lord and savior, Satan?"

>>2682090
>Then there's a knock on the door

>>2682090
>Then there's a knock on the door

>>2682090
>Then there's a knock on the door
Its that demon from thread one

>>2682090
>>Then there's a knock on the door

File: Angus.png (55 KB, 300x250)

55 KB PNG

>>2682090
It's, what, 7AM? 6:30AM? On a Saturday?

Who the hell is knocking on your front door at this unearthly hour?

You stride through the front entry hall, and see the Thousand Year Blade resting in the umbrella holder. When you pick it up, you see a post-it note reading "thanks for the loan! Figured I shouldn't take him to bed, but I didn't get a chance to give him back. - Sue".

She's just talking about the Sengoku Spook not being wonderfully appropriate company for a girls' sleepover, right?

Right?

That's definitely it.

"IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK, LORD!" the sword says into your mind as you shove it through your belt, "YOU'VE DONE GREAT WORK, EVEN WITHOUT MY ADVICE! THIS IS YOUR CITY NOW - THE DRAGON MAY AS WELL BE YOUR CLIENT, EVEN IF YOU LET HIM SAVE FACE BY ADDRESSING HIM AS YOUR EQUAL."

You're really not sure if the sword's approval of last night's dinner is good or not.

So you open the front door, then realize you've got a fucking katana shoved through your belt, and a 'PARTY NAKED' T-shirt on. You just grabbed one at random from the pile in your dresser. Sometimes the relics of your misspent youth rise to the top in there.

Oh god, what if it's Girl Scouts?

It's not Girl Scouts.

It's a fucking minotaur. On your doorstep. In a suit. At something like 6:30 on a Saturday morning.

Well, at least your neighbors are probably still asleep, you think as the bull's eyes widen and he...

Goes down on one knee, bowing his head. Those horns still come up to the middle of your chest.

"I apologize for last night," he rumbles, "I overstepped my bounds and got carried away. Mete out my punishment."

"THE DRAGON SENDS HIS UNDERLING AS A PEACE OFFERING," the Sengoku Spook says straight into your head, "TO AVOID BAD BLOOD IN THE FUTURE."

Is everyone in this brave new world of gods and monsters categorically insane?

And is his name really 'Angus'? That's a little too

>Take his head - that head will look good on your wall, and anyone named Angus has to be good for your grill
>Karen got just as carried away. You aren't the only one at fault here
>Don't let it happen again - friendly relations are good and all, but...
>Did you tell her the risks?
>[WRITE IN]

>>2682176
>Don't let it happen again - friendly relations are good and all, but...
Ask who started it? And force him to make breakfast as penance.

>>2682176
>Did you tell her the risks?

>>2682176
>Did you tell her the risks?

>>2682176
> Tell him that as he is now family, he will have to inform Bernie that he will be leaving him and joining our household to take care of his child.

Yes, I am saying we should act like we're thrilled that he got Karen pregnant, and now he's going to be a Dad!

Also that he is going to have to tell Bernie he's leaving.

Because that will be hilarious.

>>2682176
>>He is to swear brother oaths, let the other dads and Shelby deal with him.

File: You're in this with me.png (70 KB, 269x313)

70 KB PNG

>>2682178
10:21 - 10:35ish Voting period. Write ins considered even as I'm writing, if they seem compatible with the votes.

I should be actively questing for most of today, and we'll dial things down to the 10min voting periods as we gather people.

>>2682176
>Don't let it happen again - friendly relations are good and all, but...
>Karen got just as carried away. You aren't the only one at fault here
I don't think we really want a random minotaur, and wouldn't making him swear in basically make him and Karen married? That's kind of a fucked-up decision to make without the consent of both parties.

>>2682176
>>Don't let it happen again - friendly relations are good and all, but...

>Karen got just as carried away. You aren't the only one at fault here
>Don't let it happen again - friendly relations are good and all, but...

>>2682176
>Did you tell her the risks?
If he did, the only thing I see he really did wrong was to mix work and play while he should have been on duty.

>>2682176
>Take responsibility

Anons. I have an idea. If TT needs a bunch of goats blood for the summonings. How well would a bunch of minotaur blood work?
>>2682176
>So you are coming here because Bernie sent you and not because of wanting to take responsibility for the fact that you got her pregnant?

>>2682176
>>Take his head - that head will look good on your wall, and anyone named Angus has to be good for your grill

>>2682176
There's a minotaur in a suit, kneeling on your doorstep in the middle of suburbia.

How do you get into stuff like this, again?

Well, from what you (unfortunately) overheard from Karen, it seems like she was trying to seduce him or something. You can't even begin to imagine what would possess someone to try...

You know what, you don't want to think about it.

"Don't let it happen again," you tell him, "friendly relations are good and all, but mixing business and pleasure like that..." you trail off.

"THE DRAGON MAY HAVE SENT HIM HOPING YOU WOULD 'TAKE CARE' OF THE PROBLEM FOR HIM," the sword intones.

Angus looks up at you, shamefacedly.

"I swear I told her the risks my kind have," he says, hastily. Seems like he sees a glimmer of hope he might get to keep his head.

"And I spent hours last night trying to deal with those 'risks'," you tell the kneeling minotaur, "I'd really prefer not to have to do it again. DON'T. TRY. IT. AGAIN. Capice?"

The horned head nods. "I would take responsibility," he says, in a voice too deep to fit in any throat.

"For a barely-legal girl?" you laugh, "I can respect that," you tell him, thinking back on some of the scares you've had in years long past, "but I'm not the one you should be bowing to, and I can't speak for anyone you should be. Now get off my doorstep before I reconsider. Bernie and I negotiated something decent for the city last night. Don't fuck it up because you can't keep it in your pants."

Angus bows again, more deeply, then gets up to mosey back to his... ok, if the design team was told 'this has to fit a minotaur', that's the vehicle they would come up with, alright.

You step back inside and shut the door.

Then the phone rings, and you rush to answer it almost reflexively.

"Is Karen at your place?" the voice on the other end inquires, and you can almost hear the tie around his neck.

On a Saturday morning?

"Yeah," you tell him, and read from the caller ID that it's definitely her folks, "any reason you think she wouldn't be? She's sleeping over in Melon's room."

"Just wanted to make sure she was really there," the man, presumably her father, says, "and not making excuses to run around at night. She's got violin lessons this afternoon, too."

Ok, if that's the style of parenting she's had, maybe it explains a little more about her 'acting out'. You can just about smell the expectations from here, ladled on with an unsparing hand, and this guy's got 'the best isn't good enough' writ large under every word he says.

>You want to come pick her up?
>Just a normal slumber party
>I'm afraid I didn't catch your name
>We'll drop her off once they all wake up - what's your address?
>WRITE IN

>>2682312
>I'm afraid I didn't catch your name
>We'll drop her off once they all wake up - what's your address?

>>2682312
>I'm afraid I didn't catch your name
>We'll drop her off once they all wake up - what's your address?

Channel our inner Human Resources voice. Be as sickly sweet as possible.

>>2682312
>>I'm afraid I didn't catch your name
>>You want to come pick her up?

>>2682312
>We'll drop her off once they all wake up - what's your address?

>>2682312
>We'll drop her off once they all wake up - what's your address?

>>2682312
>>I'm afraid I didn't catch your name
>>We'll drop her off once they all wake up - what's your address?

>>2682312
>I'm afraid I didn't catch your name
>We'll drop her off once they all wake up - what's your address?

>>2682312
>I'm afraid I didn't catch your name
>We'll drop her off once they all wake up - what's your address?

>>2682312
>I'm afraid I didn't catch your name
>We'll drop her off once they all wake up - what's your address?

File: This looks like a picture.jpg (214 KB, 801x1200)

214 KB JPG

>>2682312
You decide to channel your best human resources voice.

Sickly sweet, but with an undertone of "there's no help for you here".

"I'm afraid I didn't catch your name," you tell the man.

"Albert Stewart," he says, his voice implying you should have heard of him.

And, unfortunately, you have. Guy owns half the real estate in town. And you've probably done his taxes a couple of times.

Man, were those accounts muddled.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance," you tell him with false civility, "and we'll drop Karen off once everyone wakes up. You know how girls go - chattering halfway through the night."

"Bad for their grades," he says, "they just don't get how important to their future these few years are. Can't waste them partying up to all hours. And the lessons are at 1PM sharp. Can't keep the first violin in the city orchestra waiting."

Well, you might be able to agree with him for completely different reasons, but this guy's a jackass.

It's a fucking weekend. It's like the man has never heard the word 'chill' in his life.

Wait.

You've got a flight out later this afternoon. Well, you can drop Karen off on your way, but you're not sure anyone's packed.

Oh dear.

"What's your address?" you ask, and he gives you one. It's on the nice side of town.

"And the gate code is..." he tells you. Ok, a gated community over there? Really?

"Alright," you tell him, "we'll have breakfast and head over."

He hangs up on you. Just hangs up.

Like he got what he wanted and he's out. Jesus Christ.

And it looks like Shelby's gotten breakfast ready.

>Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!
>Just let people get up at their own pace, and talk to Shelby
>Go ask Liska if we're packed
>WRITE IN

>>2682377
>Go ask Liska if we're packed

Gotta make sure that we got our gear together

If we got nothing together then WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND BAKEY! Complete with the best rooster impression we can muster.

>>2682377
>>Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!

>>2682377
>Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!
>Go ask Liska if we're packed
We're on a timer people.

>>2682377
>>Go ask Liska if we're packed

>>2682377
>>Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!
>>Go ask Liska if we're packed

>>2682389
Supporting?

>>2682377
>Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!
>Go ask Liska if we're packed
not after last night, i guess

>>2682377
>Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!
>Go ask Liska if we're packed

>>2682377
>>Go ask Liska if we're packed

>>2682377
>Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!
>Ask Kelly and T.T. if there's any local magical customs/knowledge in Japan we should know before we accidentally start a gang with with half of Tokyo.

File: Liska.png (508 KB, 579x818)

508 KB PNG

>>2682377
"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!" you yell, jolting T.T., Alice, and Shirley from their spots on your couch and loveseat.

Looks like the wizard lost to the assassin in the fight for the guest bedroom last night.

So you walk over to the guest bedroom, and yell under the door.

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!"

You hear Iris mutter "five more minutes," as the door bursts open and Kelly levels a pistol at you.

That's some big game business he's got right there.

And that's got more to do with what he's not wearing than with the pistol.

Locker room memories flash before your eyes.

"Oh," he says, sheepishly, lowering the gun, "it's just you. We'll be out in a minute," and then he shuts the door.

Then it's on to Melon's room. You give the door an entirely non-consensual pounding.

With your fist.

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!" you yell, "and Melon, we've got a flight to catch. Karen, we're dropping you with your folks on the way!"

You can hear a flurry of screeches, sleepy groans, and a little swearing from inside.

Sometimes it's good to be a dad, you think, walking back toward your bedroom.

"Liska, honey," you say, opening your door, "are we packed?"

She gives you a half-asleep look of creeping recognition, then a look of pure 'oh fuck I forgot' passes over her face.

"We will be," she says, rising up languorously, "and who got breakfast ready at THIS hour?"

"Shelby," you tell her, and get a knowing smile in response.

"He'll be a great husband," she says, tails waving as she gets up.

"AND COULD CEMENT A GREATER ALLIANCE," the sword says into your mind.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves here," you tell her, and the sword, "guy challenged me to a street race the other day, with Melon in his car. There's something damn unstable about him."

"LET HIM HOLD ME," the sword almost screams, "AND I WILL FIND OUT ALL YOU WANT TO KNOW."

...yeah, after seeing how that went with Sue, you might file that one away for later. A lot later.

"And you ran off to join up when you were his age," Liska says, stepping out of your bed, "you turned out fine. A bit better than fine," she finishes with a growl, and suddenly she's taken you to the floor and planted a sloppy kiss all over your face.

Then she's off you in a flash and flurry of tails, and headed into the shower.

A few hours later, everyone's clean, decent, and eating. The Sengoku Spook wasn't happy about going in the checked bags, and Kelly gave you quite the lecture about gun laws, convincing you to leave your shotgun at home.

>Alright, let's go
>I'm letting you girls stay here - and I don't want to come back home to a crater. Keep it under control.
>Give a speech [WRITE IN]
>WRITE IN

>>2682457
>>I'm letting you girls stay here - and I don't want to come back home to a crater. Keep it under control.

>>2682457
>I'm letting you girls stay here - and I don't want to come back home to a crater. Keep it under control.
Okay girls, we're off. Mary, you're in charge, Also, I'm leaving the house open to you gals for the time being. Don't let me down

>>2682457
>I'm letting you girls stay here - and I don't want to come back home to a crater. Keep it under control.

>>2682457
>I'm letting you girls stay here - and I'd like to think you're capable of being responsible enough that I don't need to tell you about no hanky panky and/or leaving my house in a crater. Keep it under control. Let Melon know if there are any souvenirs you want. Mary is in charge while I'm gone,I told TT and Kelly about some possible ideas so be sure to keep filled in.
>If you accidentally summon my sister be careful since that whole magic sharing contract thing probably applies to her too and Shelby is in charge of food.

>>2682457
>I'm letting you girls stay here - and I don't want to come back home to a crater. Keep it under control
>Ask if they want any gifts from over there.

>>2682457
>I'm letting you girls stay here - and I don't want to come back home to a crater. Keep it under control.
>Any souvenirs you guys would like me to pick up? Yes, T.T., I’ll get you some sake...

File: Definitely Karen.jpg (1.14 MB, 1181x1748)

1.14 MB JPG

>>2682457
So you draw yourself up in front of the assembled masses. Most of them are just finishing up breakfast.

"I'm letting you girls stay here," you say, raking your eyes across the tableau, "or at least, my house is open to you. And I DON'T want to come home to a crater. Or a party house. Or something that smells like... well, you got the lecture last night. I don't want any of that happening here. Mary's in charge. T.T.'s going to be working with you on fighting demons."

You get a chorus of nods.

"Don't let me down," you say, glowering, "keep it under control."

"We won't let you down," Mary says, "eldest brother," she finishes, looking around the table.

You get another chorus of more enthusiastic nods.

You're speaking their language. And you might even get them some souvenirs.

"Alright, let's get in the car," you say to Liska, Melon, and Karen.

Looks like Kelly and Shelby are loading up the Mercedes as you drive off. Must be for his business trip.

That gives you a little pause, remembering what his 'business' is.

The ride to the really nice side of town is unusually silent. At least you remember the gate code.

You drop Karen on her parents' driveway. She stops halfway up the walk and waves with a smile.

Then she keeps walking up toward that door.

You watch her open it with the air of condemned prisoner.

Well, it's in time for those violin lessons.

The it's off to the airport, as Liska regales Melon with the history of her family. At least your daughter's wearing a hat to hide her ears.

Customs has a few questions about the sword in your checked bags, but you manage to assure them you're taking it to Japan for an appraisal.

And then you're waiting at the gate for the flight that will connect you to Tokyo.

And you see a couple of familiar faces. Kelly and Shelby are sitting on the benches for the same flight.

>Pretend you don't know those guys
>So, Kelly, exactly what sort of 'business' do you have in Japan?
>Fancy meeting you here
>WRITE IN

>>2682545
>>Fancy meeting you here

>>2682545
>>Pretend you don't know those guys
TRAAAAAAAADECRRRAAAAAAAAAFT!!!!

>>2682545
>Fancy meeting you here

>>2682545
>>Fancy meeting you here

>>2682545
>Pretend you don't know those guys
Nope, the're at work. We can bug them on the flight back if we HAVE to.

>>2682545
Give him a subtle nod or something, see what he does.
He probably knows more about the etiquette for this kinda situation than we do, especially with his business.

>>2682545
>>Pretend you don't know those guys

>>2682549
13:01 - 13:11 Voting period and such. Write ins considered until I'm done writing, if they seem to fit votes.

Ties broken at my leisure and to my taste.

>>2682545
>Pretend you don't know those guys
Just a wink and a nod

>>2682545
We have an incredibly long flight and the source of our power is (brotherly) love. Don't pretend to not know em but we have an amazing wife to pay attention to first.
>Smalltalk with our beautiful wife. Who would have thought Japanese customs would care so much about bringing a japanese sword INTO Japan?

It looks like either Kelly is gonna help us out when we land or there are going to be some serious asshole officials trying to steal the sword at the airport.
http://jpninfo.com/78527

>>2682545
>>Pretend you don't know those guys

>>2682457
>jolting T.T., Alice, and Shirley from their spots on your couch and loveseat
I think we should seriously invest in some pull-out couches, and an addition to the house if our place is gonna be headquarters.

>>2682579
>or there are going to be some serious asshole officials trying to steal the sword at the airport
In that case, I'm almost surprised Shelby didn't try to stow himself away as checked baggage.

>>2682569
This

>>2682545
>Just nod at them
we noticed them and realize they probably have stuff to do, let them be unless they want to chat with you

File: This is also Kelly Edwards.jpg (122 KB, 1166x1191)

122 KB JPG

>>2682545
You subtly nod at Kelly, who's got a copy of the New York times positioned just so the security cameras don't catch his face.

He folds his newspaper, somehow managing to keep it between him and the cameras, then motions you over.

"You need an outlet for your cellphone?" he says, as you approach, "looks like we got the good seats."

"It was about to die," you tell him settling into the next seat, then whisper, "fancy meeting you here."

"Likewise," he whispers, as you plug your phone in.

"I might have scared you about gun laws," the assassin says in a low tone, barely moving his mouth, "but I've got a cache over there. Couple of Benellis you might like. Might even be able to hide them in your jacket. Hit me up after we land."

Well, the important part is Freebles enchanting the ammunition, and your sworn, if furry, brother isn't going to let you down on that, is he?

>I'm more concerned about why you're going to Japan - who's the target?
>You bring Shelby along for this stuff?
>Thanks for the charge, sir (and go back to waiting with your family)
>WRITE IN

>>2682589
>>Thanks for the charge, sir (and go back to waiting with your family)

>>2682589
>Thanks for the charge, sir. (give him a kind smile and go back to waiting with your family)

>>2682589
>Thanks for the charge, sir (and go back to waiting with your family)

>>2682589
>Thanks for the charge, sir (and go back to waiting with your family)
Airplanes have no privacy whatsoever. I have absolutely no faith in our ability to Jason Bourne secret spy conversations in front of 7+ people within a 1m radius.

>>2682589
>>Thanks for the charge, sir (and go back to waiting with your family)
Now taking bets on whether or not this was also an excuse to load up some tracking software onto our phone.

>>2682589
>>You bring Shelby along for this stuff?

>>2682589
>Thanks for the charge, sir (and go back to waiting with your family)

>>2682589
"Thanks for the charge," you say, setting your phone on the armrest next to him, then going back to your family.

It's a very uneventful wait. Everyone in your family likes reading, even if you catch Melon shoot a couple of looks at Shelby over her book. He doesn't seem to notice.

Looks like his dad taught him well.

Then there's the connecting flight, showing a decent movie, which you sleep through most of.

Terminator 2 is a classic, but you've seen it a thousand times.

And once you hit ground in San Diego, you remember far too many things. This is where you came in for boot.

Seems like the smells never changed.

"This is where we met, isn't it?" Liska whispers in your ear, "good town, if only for that."

Only for that. You don't want to remember what you did out under the hot California sun, just because you happened to be recruited west of the Mississippi. But you heard the chiggers on the east coast were worse.

And then your bird comes in, watched by a dozen sets of binoculars on the heights, if you don't miss your guess. This was always a good town for planewatching.

You get a gate number off a kiosk, and everyone hares off to embark.

Bit of a close connection, for an international flight.

>Just sleep on the flight
>Ask Liska about her family [WRITE IN questions]
>WRITE IN

>>2682615
>Ask Liska about her family [WRITE IN questions]
"Got any crazy uncles that I should befriend while I'm there?"

>>2682615
>>Ask Liska about her family [WRITE IN questions]

Do they know I know? Has your brother cried foul yet? Anyone going to take offense at a filthy gaijin holding the family sword enough to be an issue? Who is who and has how many tails? is the place warded against demons or over enthusiastic magical girls?

>>2682615
We didn't get to have much fun the last time we went on a trip to your home country. Think we should find time to go to disneyland or something?

>>2682615
Supporting >>2682619

>>2682615
Just sleep on the flight

>>2682615
>Ask Liska about her family [WRITE IN questions]
Want to keep the fact that I know a secret until they see Melon’s new ears? Might make for a fun time.

Also, what’ll be your parents reaction when we mention the whole “Your granddaughter’s a magical girl” thing, and will there be any issue bringing out Feebles?

>>2682615
>>2682625 here again
Also, ask Liska what she thinks about adding onto the house considering how often we end up "entertaining" these days.

Mile high club when?
>inb4 liska already did it with a dragon

>>2682631
Asking more how we are going to trick her fimaly since we know about them beening fox people

I'm surprised the flight didn't have a several hour delay. Never trust plane flights to be on time in the US and especially not at major airports.

>>2682615
I’m curious if she has other families she mothered but I have no idea how to phrase This

>>2682617
There's a voting period, I guess. It ends when this post goes up. Write ins incorporated after if they fit, and all that.

I'm currently fighting my modem to get it to work - summer kills electronics as much as it kills me. I just bailed on my router and I'm now straight into the modem on this PC. Hopefully that makes things work.

>>2682651
Could ask if Melon has any older sisters or something like that I guess.

File: Definitely the wife.png (781 KB, 1280x720)

781 KB PNG

>>2682615
"Surprised they cut it this close," Liska mutters at you as you run across the terminals, "usually flights are behind their time, not ahead of it."

"Well, it's the one we've got tickets for," you tell her, running alongside, "can't exactly look a 'gift horse' in the mouth, right? And we'll get there ahead of schedule."

You can see Kelly Edwards and his son running after you. A sudden suspicion strikes you that their target might have orchestrated this close connection for the assassin.

"Got any crazy uncles I should know about?" you ask Liska breathlessly, still running through the airport.

"Just the ones living off rice and sake by the roadside, playing gods," she tells you, "and I doubt my worthless brother bothered to report his comeuppance - even if he's been home since then."

"So I should keep the sword in my luggage if I can?" you ask her, dodging a baggage trolley at a run, "any chance Melon can pass herself off as normal until we tell them 'you've been tricked by a fox'?"

"No," your wife tells you, vaulting over a handicapped transport, "but we could pretend you didn't know, and I was hiding it from you."

"Could work," you say, sidestepping a couple of Japanese businessmen, "speaking of hidden things - you have any other families I should know about?"

And she knows you're not talking about the family you're going to see.

"Not that I know of," Liska tells you, "and I'd know. You're the first one I... The first one I thought would be a decent father," she finishes with a blush, and a coy look away from you.

Maybe it's just the exertion of running for this flight. Melon's cheeks are turning red with effort, and you're surprised Kelly's keeping up in the long coat of his. Shelby's almost even with you, as if he's been going for track and field his whole life.

Somehow, you all manage to make it to the gate before last call.

>Join the Mile-High Club
>Just sleep on the flight
>Once you're in the air, find Kelly and ask about his target
>Just sleep on the flight
>WRITE IN

>>2682687
>>Join the Mile-High Club

>>2682687
>Join the Mile-High Club

>>2682687
>Join the Mile-High Club

"And that is how your little brother was conceived honey."

>>2682687
>>Join the Mile-High Club
That's it, time for 2nd kid

>>2682687

>Join the Mile-High Club

Well with that worry out of the way. Guess we are increasing the family!

>>2682687
>Join the Mile-High Club

Melon, take a nap.

>>2682687
Did we just parkour our way through an airport terminal?
>>Join the Mile-High Club

>>2682700
>"And that is how your little brother was conceived honey."
Its just too good not to use. The look of horrified embarrassment on her face will be priceless.

>>2682687
Jet lag is bad,we don't want it in the middle of whatever nonsense might happen in Japan, and until we get to the in-laws this plane is the safest place we could possibly sleep with kelly on board.
I vote for sleeping.

File: The Wife Holy Shit.jpg (280 KB, 500x833)

280 KB JPG

>>2682687
It's not like you've been checking off boxes on a bingo pad from your earliest days in the Marines.

But if you had been, well, you just scored another bingo with a 'Mile High Club Membership'. That's what, three now?

As soon as the 'fasten your seatbelts' light went off, you were headed to the head.

And Liska followed you after a minute. Just waited long enough to make it seem decent.

Her tails filled half the thing, and her passion filled everything else. That was amazing.

"Are we really going to try conning my family into thinking you don't know anything?" she finally asks you, panting.

"Don't you want to see them looking like they've been tricked by a fox?" you ask, arching an eyebrow with all the strength you can muster.

"I'd like nothing better," she says, with a wink, and turns out of the stall.

You leave after a decent interval. And you could swear one of the stewardesses winked at you. Almost like she wanted your round two.

You've still got it.

But you're a married man, and you flash the wedding ring as you head back to your seat. Just a little pointedly. There's Japanese chatter behind you that you don't care trying to decipher as you walk the aisle.


The rest of the flight is pretty uneventful. Liska's passed out for most of it. You'd say she picked you as a human sleep aid, if you were being uncharitable.

The Machinist, huh? That's the flight movie they picked?

You nod off in the middle. Doubtless the master will finish the apprentice, even if the apprentice has the high ground.

And before you know it, you're in Japan. Trying to disembark at the Tokyo airport.

And customs is pulling you aside.

"We'll have to do a shinsa," the port police tell you, "to inspect the sword in your checked luggage. Do you want to be present for it?"

>Oh yes
>I just brought it here for an appraisal - I got it over in the states off some redneck
>You guys take care of it - I was coming over here to find out what it was worth
>Could this roll of hundred dollar bills iron things out?
>WRITE IN

>>2682758
>The Machinist, huh?
Fuck, I meant to say 'The Mechanic, huh?'

Can't blame my modem for that.

>>2682758
>I just brought it here for an appraisal - I got it over in the states off some redneck

>>2682758
>I just brought it here for an appraisal - I got it over in the states off some redneck

>>2682758
>>Oh yes

>>2682758
>Oh yes
>I just brought it here for an appraisal - I got it over in the states off some redneck
This’ll be good...

>>2682758
>I just brought it here for an appraisal - It's apparently an heirloom from my wife's side of the family so be careful with it.

I look forward to the customs inspector getting mindbroken.

>>2682758
>>Oh yes

>>2682763
Oh, that's a very different movie.