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>>2660302
[META POST]
Twitter, for runtimes and such: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge

Archive, for catching up: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Shotgun

(Yes, the only tag that works is 'shotgun', because someone messed up archiving. That seems fairly appropriate.)

Oh no, there's a characters/notes doc, and it should definitely not be taken super seriously: https://pastebin.com/Ci70z8w1

>>2660302
>Hey foxy, sleep well?
>Did the kids fix the street yet?

If Bernie bats for the other team, shouldn't his interest be in kidnapping princes, not princesses?

>>2660302
>Hey foxy, sleep well?
>Did the kids fix the street yet?

>>2660302
>Hey foxy, sleep well?
>Did the kids fix the street yet?

>>2660311
12:20 - 12:40 Voting period or so (future voting periods will be 10min once the thread reaches critical mass.). I'll probably start writing earlier if it looks like there's a clear winner.

>If Bernie bats for the other team, shouldn't his interest be in kidnapping princes, not princesses?
Maybe he's a traditionalist, or putting up a front or something.

Maybe princes usually come with a lot more pointy bits and he has sensitive skin.

Maybe he 'swings his bat' for both teams.

Maybe there are a lot of jokes in that document.

>>2660331
I suppose baiting knights with a damsel in distress is a good alternative to Grindr for a dragon.

I'm betting that Bernie's (current) significant other is widower with a middle school aged daughter.

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>>2660354
I'm betting it's a magus that attempts to use ancient alchemy to create golem magical girls.

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>>2660302
"Hey foxy," you ask Liska, "sleep well?"

It's afternoon. And she's just waking up. Well, she did drink two other women under the table last night.

That was supposed to be a family barbeque. Not whatever the hell nightmare TURN UP it turned into. Magic rat cage fights and cannibalism?

Oh god. You can only guess how much your wife remembers.

"Uhh," she tells you, "I think so. Did you leave early?"

"It's afternoon, dear," you say, and hear a rustle of bedsheets.

"Holy shit," she says, and you're pretty sure she just stepped into the hallway, and it's still carpeted with comatose teenagers.

...you just hope she took the bedsheet with her. You're really not sure who's 'shirts' and who's 'skins' in that bunch. Playing sports is a lot easier when you know what the teams are.

"So I remember asking who wanted to get blitzed like Poland," she says, and you hear the unmistakable breathing of someone picking their way through a bunch of collapsed people. And the faint noises of a TV in the background.
"I think you missed a lot," you tell her, "how's the street look?"

"Looks pretty clean," she says, "we kept things in the backyard, right? Oh and did you make these eggs?"

>Oh, you missed A LOT. Please tell me you don't remember me trying to give a speech
>I was more interested in whether it was still there
>Sue and Shelby helped
>Alright, who's still on the casualty list, and who's watching TV?
>WRITE IN

>>2660371
>Alright, who's still on the casualty list, and who's watching TV?
>And you do remember we have a double date with my boss tonight, right?

>>2660377
>Alright, who's still on the casualty list, and who's watching TV?
>And you do remember we have a double date with my boss tonight, right?

>>2660371
>Alright, who's still on the casualty list, and who's watching TV?
>And you do remember we have a double date with my boss tonight, right?

>>2660377
This anon is on point today.

>>2660371
>Alright, who's still on the casualty list, and who's watching TV?
>And you do remember we have a double date with my boss tonight, right?

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>>2660371
"Alright," you ask her, "who's still on the casualty lists? From what I saw, your blitzkrieg was damn effective."

"I'm thinking," she tells you, "we might need to set up a camp for the survivors. Our offensive was quite effective, mein fuh-"

You cut her off "oh hell," you say, "how bad is it?"

Nazi jokes are a little less funny than she thinks. Although, now that you think about it, she was probably around for the whole thing.

Wow. THAT is a chapter of her life you're not sure you want to open.

"I haven't checked Melon's room," she tells you, and you hear a rustling noise as she walks around.

Ah, so she did take the bedsheet. That's good, considering who's probably still hanging around. And that Liska's probably still half drunk.

...although waking up to a naked blonde foxgirl and a hangover is certainly something you can recommend.

You've had some experience with it, after all.

"I think," she tells you, jolting you out of a reverie, "Melon, Mary, Sue, T.T.'s daughter - the one with black hair, and Shelby are the only ones unaccounted for. I can't find them anywhere. Should I check the back?"

"No," you say, "if I know them, they probably made it to school somehow."

Somehow.

Oh no.

Obviously they took the bus and didn't just jack one of the cars, right?

Right.

...a hazy memory of Shelby yelling "cops suck dick!" flits through your head, and you just hope he didn't get his mother's driving skills. Or at least, that he's using their car.


"So," you say, "who's watching TV?"

"That little Einz girl and T.T. are having a rather spirited match," she tells you, and then you hear "FUCKING ASTRAL HIM ALREADY!" through a half-covered phone, "I think everyone else is still out."

You're not sure if that's a good or bad thing. That one statement probably sums up all your feelings about last night.

"You do remember," you say, "that we've got a double date with my boss tonight, right?"

"I've, uh," she says, "got to go."

You can almost hear a blush through the phone.

>Come loaded for bear - I think he's feeling hostile
>I want the whole crew there - show of force. Tell them when they wake up
>Get those two off my P S Triple and have them clean the rat skeleton off my yard. I want it framed
>I'll come pick you up after work.
>WRITE IN

>Alright, who's still on the casualty list, and who's watching TV?
>And you do remember we have a double date with my boss tonight, right?

>>2660464
>I'll come pick you up after work.
>love you

>>2660464
>He seemed pissed abit so just be ready, and I expect to see you in one of those fine dresses you have hidden away in the back of the closest. I know about them.

>I'll come pick you up after work.
>Love ya foxy lady

>>2660464
>Let's be on our best behavior today - the boss is kinda cranky. Get those two off my PS3 and have them help you clean the place. And ask T.T to get some Norwegian salmon. Pluck it fresh from a Norwegian fjord, preferably.

>>2660464
>Let's be on our best behavior today - the boss is kinda cranky. Get those two off my PS3 and have them help you clean the place. And ask T.T to get some Norwegian salmon. Pluck it fresh from a Norwegian fjord, preferably. I'll pick you up after work. Love you!

>>2660464
Framed? Come on Haiku, were obviously finding a taxidermist and we'll clad the skeleton with a patchwork of skin collected from the rest of the rats

>>2660464
>I'll come pick you up after work
Rember smoked salmon

>>2660464
Make that delicious samon you made when we last visited your family

>>2660464
>Let's be on our best behavior today - the boss is kinda cranky. Get those two off my PS3 and have them help you clean the place. And ask T.T to get some Norwegian salmon. Pluck it fresh from a Norwegian fjord, preferably.

>>2660302
>forced labor squad
Best Squad

>>2660464
So that's:
>Karen - Dead
>Shirley - Dead
>Iris - Dead
>Alice - Dead
>Kelly - Double Dead
>Harriet - Killed by Sue
>Einz VS T.T. - To Be Determined

Fucking this: >>2660489

>>2660532
>>2660464
This mine negros

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>>2660464
"Before you do that," you tell her, "I just want to warn you - Bernie's kinda cranky today. I'm thinking 'best behavior'."

"Wait a second," your wife says, "is that 'cranky' as in he had a bad night, or 'cranky' as in he was inches from transforming into a giant lizard, eating you, kidnapping our daughter, and basking on a pile of treasure afterward?"

Well, it seems like she bought the 'dragon' theory.

"I'm thinking 30% the former and 70% the latter, maybe as a consequence of the first?" you tell her, "he put me on Zeus' paternity assessments."

"You know," Liska tells you, and you hear that rustling again, "this whole 'live a normal life as a human' business isn't what my sister cracked it up to be. If I'd still been in the game, I would have known there was a dragon here, way before we thought about moving in. And I would have come up with a good excuse to not do it."

You're not really sure what to say to that.

So you just say something.


"I'm damn glad you decided to try it, though," you tell her, "love ya, foxy lady."

You get that fabulous barking laugh again.

"And it's been totally worth it," she says, "I would not have missed this for the world."

"Glad to hear it," you say, then remember something, "can you kick those two off the PS3 and get them to help clean the place up? And get T.T. to grab a Norwegian salmon?"

"Salmon?" she asks, and then you hear a muffled but decidedly maternal yell through a half-covered phone. She probably bared her teeth at those two.

"I've heard Bernie's a big fan," you tell her, "and if I'm lucky, I'll get out of here in time to smoke it. Send the magician to the fjords - I want a fresh one."

"Ohhh," she breathes into the phone, "that's how we're playing this."

"And I know about those fine dresses you've got it the back of the closet," you tell her, "I am looking forward to seeing you in one. And showing you off in it."

"You had better be," she says, and hangs up.

That was an interesting tone she took at the end there.

But a very, very good one.

Well, it's back to accounting, and you get things sewn up in record time. That assessment of 'Baron Samedi's' assets for the civil suit Enma filed against him can wait until Monday. Looks like it's been dragging through the courts for a few hundred years already.

>On the way home, some asshole in a Mercedes tries to run you off the road
>You arrive home to find T.T. smelling of fish guts
>WRITE IN

>>2660595
>On the way home, some asshole in a Mercedes tries to run you off the road

It's a demigod, Zeus didn't like the way we handled the paternity suit file from yesterday.

>>2660595
>You arrive home to find T.T. smelling of fish guts

>>2660595
>You arrive home to find T.T. smelling of fish guts

>>2660595
>>On the way home, some asshole in a Mercedes tries to run you off the road

>>2660603
14:40 - 14:50 voting period and all that.

I feel like I'm typing slow today.

>>2660550
>So that's:
>>Karen - Dead
>>Shirley - Dead
>>Iris - Dead
>>Alice - Dead
>>Kelly - Double Dead
>>Harriet - Killed by Sue
>>Einz VS T.T. - To Be Determined
Sometimes that's how parties work out, you know.

And they're just sleeping it off.

>>2660595
>>On the way home, some asshole in a Mercedes tries to run you off the road
>>You arrive home to find T.T. smelling of fish guts
Money on it being Bernie trying to run us off the road because he is still dragon mad.

Wait, what if he just doesn't want to take his wife out?

>>2660603
>>2660604
>>2660605
>>2660608
>>2660628
Ah, yes, wonderful - a tie. Unless I miscounted.

Why do you guys do this to me?

Wait warmly, assholes in Mercedes are preparing.

>>2660628
Read ”dragon mad” as “dragon maid” and Bernie must have one of those, right?

>>2660638
I mean
>On the way home, some asshole in a Mercedes tries to run you off the road
And
>You arrive home to find T.T. smelling of fish guts
Aren't mutually exclusive...
We're gonna have to roll for defensive driving aren't we?

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>>2660595
Oh, you're out from work rather early, aren't you? Means you've got to deal with schoolzones, busses, parents, and a few other road hazards that the 8-5, 8-6, and 8-7:30 company life often spares you from.

It's not too bad.

...and then that asshole almost puts a Mercedes through your door. Well, it's more that he almost scrapes it along the side of your car.

But it nearly forces you off the road.

Does he think he's at goddamn Le Mans?

He burns it down the road, and arrives ahead of you at a streetlight that goes too red too fast for even a suicidal jumper to try running.

Well, it's not much of a reward. Great, he got to the red light a minute before you.

Congrats!

What an amazing prize for endangering the lives of everyone on the road, and everyone riding in his car!

Then he revs his engine, and rolls down his window.

Oh no.

OH NO.

You knew there was a reason that car looked familiar.

That's Kelly Edwards' ride, the one that drifted into your driveway last night.

Shelby's at the wheel, Melon's riding shotgun, and if you don't miss your guess, your 'missing' guests are in the back. So that's how they made it to school.

That light's gonna change in about thirty seconds, and this kid is obviously challenging you to a street race.

With your daughter riding shotgun in his car.

>Oh, let's go, little brother. Run in the 90s.
>Get out and give him a talking to - with your fists. You know, in the middle of the street.
>Yell things at him.
>Ignore him and continue home - make a note to say something later.
>WRITE IN

[ROLL 1D100]

>>2660666
>Yell things at him.
>Ignore him and continue home - make a note to say something later.
I don't want to take the bait. We have better things to do.

>>2660666
dice+2d100
>Yell things at him
>Ignore him and continue home - make a note to say something later.

But, if I happen to be outvoted,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdeIPfHlQuM&t=1709s

Rolled 32, 58 = 90 (2d100)

>>2660666
>>2660672
sorry, misread the rules

Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>2660666
>>Oh, let's go, little brother. Run in the 90s.

Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>2660666
>Yell things at him.
>Ignore him and continue home - make a note to say something later.
>maybe beat his ass later

Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>2660666
>>Get out and give him a talking to - with your fists. You know, in the middle of the street.
This dumb fuck is putting our daughter in danger for no goddamn good reason.

Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>2660666
> yank him out of his car and yell at him for being a stupid little shit.

Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>2660666
>>Get out and give him a talking to - with your fists. You know, in the middle of the street.

Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>2660666
>Get out and give him a talking to - with your fists. You know, in the middle of the street.

Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>2660595
What's our car? a souped up volkswagon beetle? >Melon, I got a date tonight with your mom. >Here's some money for if you kids want to hang out somewhere that isn't a bar.

>>2660671
15:15 - 15:30 Voting period.

Dammit, I wanted a good excuse to blast eurobeat.

If you want to yell things, I'd appreciate write-ins or at least guidance on tone.

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>2660666
>>Yell things at him.
"You kids better have ACTUALLY gone to school today, and not just fucked around town in a Mercedes!"

The responsible ones are probably gonna win this, but we need a better driving roll.
>>Oh, let's go, little brother. Run in the 90s.

>>2660686
>If you get yourselves killed in a car wreck after all the work I put in to keep you alive I'll personally find you in hell and beat you to death again.

>>2660689
Fuck me, every goddamned time.

Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>2660666
Is Harriet with them? If so, tell her to smack him upside the head. THEN
>Yell things at him.
>Ignore him and continue home - make a note to say something later.

>>2660686
i knew you were a man of taste, but car crashes are no fun

and a simple "What the fuck do you think you're fucking doing you fucking public menace, follow me home and we'll talk about what you just did"

>>2660686
Say Melon loudly, with the gravity of a death sentence. Then fix her with a dad stare.

She
Should
Know
Better

>>2660697
>Is Harriet with them?
>Melon, Mary, Sue, T.T.'s daughter - the one with black hair, and Shelby are the only ones unaccounted for.
I believe that was the list of people that actually managed to make it out of the house before noon.

>>2660369
>>2660354
>>2660595

I'm betting Bernies SO's eventually all become snacks. Always break up over a nice meal, right? Besides he's a Dragon. Half the attraction to any human is probably hunger.

And if they complain, well they dated a dragon what did they expect. I wouldn't be surprised if he outright told them he would eat them and they just didn't believe it.

I will firmly associate Bernie with Xellos until proven otherwise. Lawful Evil, but like actually Evil - Alternatively Blue and Orange morality.

Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>2660666
> We still can't tank car crashes. Why do people forget how squishy we are.

>>2660765
>I will firmly associate Bernie with Xellos
God damn it, thanks for that.

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>>2660666
You roll down your window.

"So I'd really like to know," you say, dragging each word out with the gravity of a death sentence, as you stare into Shelby's face, "what you think you think you're fucking doing, you public menace? And Melon," you continue, "you really should know better."

That was really not the response this guy was expecting.

Denial.

Something flashes suddenly in his eyes, answered by your desire to drag him out of his car onto the pavement.

Anger.

You decide not to do it. Although throwing down in the middle of the street with your 'little brother' to show him how bad his ideas are might have been interesting.

You really don't want to think about how much danger he's putting everyone into here.

Unfortunately, giving him an object lesson here and now would be just as interesting to the police.

"I though we might have a race," he says, his gaze drifting past you across your vehicle, as Melon's face falls, "you've got a really nice set of wheels, after all."

Bargaining.

"You know," you drawl, "car crashes are no fun. And if you idiots get yourselves killed in a wreck after what we've been doing to keep you alive, well," you pause, and see a flash of pink and blue as the heads in the back turn toward you, "I've got some good reasons to go to Hell currently. If I get there and you're in for some dumb shit like this, well, want to make guesses how that ends?"

Shelby grimaces, as he realizes what his situation is here.

You know, the fact that he's risking your daughter's life for a stupid joyride.

Depression.

"Follow me back," you tell him, then the light turns.

...And it might be petty, but you do go about ten under the whole way back, with the Mercedes tailing you.

Acceptance.

While you do that, you cool off a little and realize that there's virtually no chance anyone in that car would have died from a wreck. If anyone would have, it's Shelby - you're not sure what the Natural's ability to hang on to life is (although the fight with the demon the other night suggests it's pretty high), but the other four are magical girls.

They fight demons for a 'living'.

They probably would have been able to walk straight out of a wreck with a fireball curling up behind them.

But they're not the only ones on the road, and there's a decent chance they could have hurt other people.

Eventually, you're back in your driveway, and Shelby glides his family's car in beside yours.

>Go inside, secure salmon, get smoking
>Go inside, and tell your wife about this idiot. Kiss her too.
>Find Kelly Edwards and tell him his son's a lunatic
>Give your little brother an object lesson in why he shouldn't put lives on the line like that (with your fists)
>Give the teenagers a stern talking-to [WRITE INs appreciated]
>Just get out of the car and stand around looking slightly disappointed
>WRITE IN

>>2660789
>Go inside and kiss your wife.
>Secure salmon, get smoking.
No need to continue busting his balls. First fuck up just gets a warning.

>>2660789
>Go inside, secure salmon, get smoking
>Go inside, and tell your wife about this idiot. Kiss her too.
>Find Kelly Edwards and tell him his son's a lunatic
>Give your little brother an object lesson in why he shouldn't put lives on the line like that (with your fists)
>Give the teenagers a stern talking-to [WRITE INs appreciated]
>Just get out of the car and stand around looking slightly disappointed
Fuck all of this are so good
For the teenagers
>As much as I want to feel like an idiot teenagers back in the days I don't want you to do that again. You probably survived a car crash but not me. So safety first, eyes on the road and I hope you put your seatbelts.
*Dad angry stare intensifies*

>>2660789
>Just get out of the car and stand around looking slightly disappointed

I guarantee it's 100% more effective than getting mad.

>>2660789
>>Go inside, secure salmon, get smooking

>>2660789
>>Go inside, secure salmon, get smoking, kiss your wife

>>2660789
>>Go inside, secure salmon, get smoking

>>2660789
>>Give the teenagers a stern talking-to [WRITE INs appreciated]
It's not just that you could of killed yourselves, you could very well kill someone else. I would think someone would need to do more to warrant their death than just be driving at the same time as you.
You might all have powers, but for most people in the rest of the world they don't.
I thought you got into this to save people.

If so act like it.

>>2660789
> Find fox-wife.
> Kiss fox-wife.
> Bring little bro to his father and explain what he did
> Allow Kelly to determine suitably embarrassing/humiliating punishment, like wearing a DUMBASS t-shirt to school for the rest of the week, etc.
> Send Melon to room without supper. She should know better.
> Smoke glorious salmon.
> Hi-five ferret bro.

>>2660789
>>Go inside, secure salmon, get smoking
but
>Just get out of the car and stand around looking slightly disappointed
first

>>2660789
>>Go inside, and tell your wife about this idiot. Kiss her too.

>>2660789
>Give the teenagers a stern talking-to [WRITE INs appreciated]

Now while I appreciate a good street race, being rather nostalgic, and thinking back on it now you would've been the only one to die in a car crash considering the other passengers are walking nuclear warheads.
That was rather irresponsible, now I normally would drag you by the ear to your dad, ground my daughter and likely ground the other two for good measures, I have a double date with a dragon whose salmon I need to smoke in the backyard.
No not in that way.
Yes in the literal sense.
Once that's done and dusted I would be happy to drift race you down the local mountain, without my daughter in the car and I'm sure your father wouldn't appreciate his Mercedes' tires being worn down to a rubber tube, so, either get his permission or get yourself a car of your own.

>Kiss fox-wife
>Smoke salmon.

>>2660789
>>2660804
This, the kid's gotten his lesson, and it's only the first time.

>>2660789
>>Go inside, kiss wife, secure salmon, get smoking

>>2660821
>We delivered tofu on the mountain as a part time delivery boy thinking drifting is the fastest way to go down.

>>2660789
>Just get out of the car and stand around looking slightly disappointed

>>2660828
Had to make money while studying accounting somehow.

>>2660804
16:15 - 16:30 voting period or something.

Trying to sort out a winning option here and weave in as much other stuff as fits is already looking like it'll be interesting.

>>2660789
>QM inserts the stages of grief
I fucking lol'd.

>>Look disappointed
>>Go inside, kiss wife, secure salmon, smoke

>>2660804
>No need to continue busting his balls. First fuck up just gets a warning.

That said, if it comes up, the "you could've killed other people" approach ( >>2660812 ) though I'd leave out that last guilt trip about saving the world. We did make most of our point about the driving already after all.

Also, "I know last night I let you all get hammered, but there was a reason for that. Don't take that as carte-blanche to act like hooligans. We've still got a long fight ahead of us."

>>2660789
i like that >>2660821, but yeah, add a line about him not being the only one on the road

we should probably get someone to secure the road for the race ("borrow" some [closed road] signs/softblocks?) but that sounds like fun... if he doesn't end up in the ravine
that'd get US killed

or we could, you know, use an actual race track

>>2660789
>Get smoking and drag Shelby with you to do it. Keeping him in the loop of what's happening keeps Kelly in the loop of what we're doing so that he can see we're properly working on things. He at least realizes he fucked up which is a good sign.
>Tell him no hanky panky while I'm out with the wife and that I'm trusting everyone to stay at least a little safe tonight. Burnie is getting antsy/territorial at the alliance so try not to do anything to agitate him before it gets sorted out.

>>2660789

this >>2660812

>>2660812
>>2660789

Totes this. They aren't obligated yo save anyone though, but they do have an obligation not to hurt anyone with their powers simply because they didn't care to think about the outcome.

They don't have to be perfect, but they DO have to be better than that.

Niw let's all go inside and I won't say anything but don't do it again.

>>2660806
We're trying to get them to communicate Without punching, they already default to that.

And I'm against telling Kelly, no harm no foul and we handled it ourselves without a problem. We want the kids to trust us to be reasonable.

Also I don't want to dilute our authority as Shogun.

>>2660813
> Allow Kelly to determine suitably embarrassing/humiliating punishment, like wearing a DUMBASS t-shirt to school for the rest of the week, etc.

Seriously I question some of your guys parenting skills. I mean people do the best they can with what they learned themselves, but these are also a bunch of over powered traumatized PTSD teenagers. The linked suggestion is just cruel, especially considering we can explain why what he did was dumb and he can lie awake at night wishing to forget that time himself. I'm sure you all have one of those, a parents job is to help keep that from becoming something that gives them too much anxiety and to forgive them for shit they probably won't forgive themselves for.

Much like their powers vs normal people, we have an imbalance of power in our relationship with them as an adult and parent, not to mention Shogun. We gotta be mindful of how they're percieving things and if what we're doing is the BEST way, not just good enough.

Or I'm being triggered about parenting in a silly quest, but I'm personally here to go Full Dad myself.

Right. Blew my load, time to be productively employed.

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>>2660789
You get out your car and stand there, looking a little disappointed.

It's almost as if there's a reverse race going on in the Mercedes - everyone wants to be in last place. The kids in the back have a serious advantage, since they can't actually exit until the two in the front have left.

Finally, Shelby mans up and steps out of the driver's door, teeth gritted.

Melon climbs out of the passenger side, and won't look you in the eye.

Then Sue, Rachel, and Mary erupt out of the back, clambering over the front seats. Their expressions are, collectively, rather hard to read.

Oh, right, two of them probably want to go down in a blaze of glory, and the third's been running a demon hunting cell for god knows how long.

You keep standing there, disappointment radiating off of you.

It's a long pause, there on your driveway. You always hated these moments when you were a kid.

So you're pretty sure it's going to be the most effective treatment.

The moment stretches on and on.

"You kids might be damn near invincible," you say finally, very softly, raking your glance across the teenagers standing in front of your house, "but there are a lot of people on the road that aren't."

The you turn on your heel and stalk inside, leaving them standing around the cars.

It's really all you can pull together from the scattered thoughts rushing through your head.


"Honey," you say, walking in through the front door, "I'm home."

Liska rushes toward you, and you pull her into a hug. Then you kiss her. With the sinking suspicion that anyone who'd yell 'who wants to get blitzed?' at a room of thirsty teenagers on a Thursday night probably wouldn't think what you just witnessed was a big deal.

"T.T.'s cleaning the fish in the kitchen," she tells you, pulling away just enough to whisper in your ear.

You look over her shoulder, and it seems like the house is just about spotless. ...And everyone's back to playing videogames.

Including a man who was in your office yesterday, joking about having killed a guy and leaving his head in a public toilet. You get the distinct impression that Kelly Edwards might not take that dim a view of his son's driving either. Particularly considering how his wife seems to view the rules of the road.

"And I'm going to go shower," Liska finishes, giving you a peck on the cheek and running off.
Then you walk into the kitchen, to find T.T. washing his hands in the sink, smelling quite rankly of fish guts. He shoots you a glare and says, "I am doing this as a favor to a brother, and a good host, and to keep the dragon off our backs. Next time I go fishing, you're coming."

"Seems fair," you tell him, taking the platter of (extremely) fresh salmon off the counter, "and thanks."

Then it's off to the smoker, where...

>[WRITE IN] shows up, and you talk about [ANOTHER WRITE IN]

>>2660839
Haiku I have a MIGHTY NEED for an update! Don't tell me you passed out already! It's still daylight in most areas, you really gotta stop drinking Everclear straight from the bottle man, and no the silly straw doesn't make it any better.

>>2661034
>A Door-To-Door Saleman shows up, and you talk about Propane Tanks

We need more normal day life events to pop up.

>>2661034
>Your sister who needs help in Japan
Might as well forward the plot

>>2661034
backing this >>2661038

>>2661038
More like strapping it to a rocket, we haven't even gone to see the parents-in-law let alone the boss dragon!

>>2661034
>>2661036
Well shit
Also
>T.T. and Kelly show up, and you talk about Bernie (the dragonator)

>>2661034
Supporting this. >>2661047

>>2661038
>Your parents back from the dead and you talk about them needinghelp in Cambodia to fight your sister who has kidnapped the dragon and stolen all the US aid rice from the villagers.

>>2661034
Supporting >>2661047

>>2661034
>Your best overweight friend Freddy shows up, and he talks about college baseball and his upcoming bowling tournament.

>>2661034
>>2661037
Honestly, I'd be up for something like this. Have a neighbor poke their head over the fence, and ask what all the commotion has been about recently, or "what's being tossed on the grill now because it smells great!"

>>2661059
>turns out the neighbours are also magical creatures secretly

>>2661038
Nigga that ain't forwarding the plot. That's skipping to the fucking end of the story!

>>2661034
Mcfuckit I'll support this >>2661047 or >>2661056 if my vote doesn't go through because I want a normal thing to pop up in our lives.

>>2661034
>Freebles shows up, and you talk about the demon alert that just popped up on his radar.

>>2661034
Supporting >>2661047

>>2661036
Also, supporting QM's theoretical MIGHTY NEED for Everclear
laughing so hard I'm crying

>>2661034
> our non-magical WASP neighbours show up to bitch about the noise last night.

>>2661060
God fucking damnit, the neighbor is probably a fucking Catman or some shit. I wouldn't be opposed to him interrupting us, but I swear to shit if Haiku uses a picture of Felix from Re:Zero I will be pissed off in an amused way.

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>>2661072
> Not wanting our wife to get in a literal Catfight

>>2661034
>Shelby is looking apologetic and wants to help.

Not suggesting something with this next bit, just chiming in.
That had better not be the salmon of wisdom that Finn McCool ate.
How does one even manage to smell like fish guts? I suspect he got ate by the loch ness monster while fishing or something since fishy smells as people who don't live near the ocean conceive them aren't really possible until you leave the fish out for far too long. Gutting is also really damn easy.

>>2661079
> Gutting is also really damn easy.

Not if you haven't done it before. For some reason T.T. strimes me as the non-domestic type.

>>2661082
Yeah. That's part of the point. Wifey sent him out to do something that he's astonishingly bad at.
If everyone else in the alliance saw a video of whatever actually happened they'd all burst out laughing.

>>2661036
17:33 - 17:55 Voting period and all.

Hopefully that post worked - it seemed like what people were going for.

>Don't tell me you passed out already!
I actually got really close for a bit there.

>>2661079
>Gutting is also really damn easy.
If you know what you're doing. He doesn't strikes me as the type who guts fish regularly, and he got press-ganged into teleporting to Norway to catch a fish while extremely hungover. I assume he's had a cold, wet, and generally unpleasant afternoon. Not exactly ideal conditions even for an expert.

>>2661094
I don't get why people gut the fish when they are just going to filet it anyway. At least not as bad as the people that cut the fins off, then gut, then filet or cut the head off.

Make a slice behind the gill plate, make a cut down the back bone, follow your knife along the rib cage, puncture through the bottom of the bell using the ribs to guide your knife, leave the skin attached at the back of the tail right before the fin, flip the meat over, hold the fish and slide your knife between the skin and meat. Flip fish and repeat.

Is it like, faster to take the guts out, does it reduce the risk of contaminating the meat somehow? I can see some fish being tough to do this with depending on the bones in the back loin like in a pike. Never fileted a salmon though, fish that size might be different I guess. Then again if you are using the fish head for something or using the bones for stock I guess I understand the gutting.

>>2661091
We owe T.T. a favour, and we're gonna owe Kelly a favour once we get that equipment. (Scratch what I said about doing something nice for Shelby for helping out last night. That stunt with the car, and the lack of a well-deserved beat-down in front of his prospective girlfriend squares that account.)

>>2661063
It's not forwarding a plot it's called foreshadowing.

>>2661123
It's not always a fillet. Ocean fish comes in steak form pretty often.

>>2661149
Nigga we already foreshadowed that shit when we talked about the Not-Holy-Grail-War. Let's at least try to give the sibling thing a breather for a bit.

>>2661179
Yeah. We can always run into her when the apocalypse starts and reveal that Melon is named after her.

>>2661034
>Your parents back from the dead and you talk about them needinghelp in Cambodia to fight your sister who has kidnapped the dragon and stolen all the US aid rice from the villagers.

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>>2661034
Dads going out to grill together is great, and an American tradition, but you start wondering if Kelly and T.T. have a distinct lack of good male friendship in their life, as they peel away from the crowd inside and form up with you.

Now that you think about it, T.T.'s family is all girls, and Kelly's relationship with Shelby seems rather distant.

And they're both in professions that don't seem to lend themselves to forming real bonds with other people. Well, unless you count 'cordially agreeing to not murder them if they don't cross the line' as a bond.

At least the rat skeleton isn't still lying on the backyard. It looks like Liska did a very effective job of press-ganging a cleaning crew together.

The three of you lean back against the wall of the house as you wait for the coals to catch, and you notice that T.T.'s back is leaving a damp spot on the bricks behind him.

Norway, huh?


"Fill me in, guys," you ask, "how big a player is Bernie? And what am I looking at here?"

"Huge, in this city," Kelly tells you, "although part of that is just that he provides a lot of services everyone needs, and needs on neutral ground, and he's not in competition for the same resources. Hell, Shelby works for him, I've done some jobs for him, you work for him, and I'm pretty sure even T.T. uses the firm."

"No," the wizard says, shivering a little in the wind, "I have a large safe under my house. "

"Who'd ya get to put it in?" a voice asks over the fence. Oh, it's Fred, the neighbor, "I've been looking for someone who does good concrete."

"Basement still leaking, Fred?" you ask him.

"Yeah," he tells you, leaning over the fence, "with some of the rain lately it's gotten a bit worse. Not sure we've met," he says, looking at the other two fathers, "I'm Fred. You havin' a cookout or something?"

Oh, this could get bad.

About fifteen different kinds of bad.

And now you know why mob bosses like having high fences and few neighbors.

>Just chilling after work and smoking some salmon - want a beer?
>Did we make a bit too much noise last night?
>What'd you think about the construction out front this morning? Almost made me late for work.
>How's little Timmy's team doing this year?
>WRITE IN

>>2661197
>>Just chilling after work and smoking some salmon - want a beer?

move along nothing to see here

>>2661197
>Just chilling after work and smoking some salmon - want a beer?
>How's little Timmy's team doing this year?

>>2661202
18:30 - 18:50 or so Voting period.

I'm trying to decide whether to go grab food. And maybe Everclear, now that someone thoughtfully reminded be of old bad habits.

>>2661037
>>2661056
>>2661059
>>2661063
>>2661071
I hope you guys are happy.

>>2661197
>Just chilling after work and smoking some salmon - want a beer?

>>2661197
>Smoking some salmon to suck up to the boss with. It seems I'm on a fast track to getting a promotion.
>What'd you think about the construction out front this morning? Almost made me late for work.

>>2661197
>>Just chilling after work and smoking some salmon - want a beer?
>>Did we make a bit too much noise last night?
>>How's little Timmy's team doing this year?

inb4 we only ever see Fred's eyes like the neighbour guy from Home Improvement, and his son, 'Timmy' is another one of our daughter's 'suitors'

>>2661221
I am happy. I'm actually quite excited for normal people shenanigans.

>>2661226
Agreed

>>2661197
>Just chilling after work and smoking some salmon - want a beer?

>His kid <point at Kelly> did some construction job last summer, maybe he could give you a hand?

>>2661226
ARE YOU A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO HELP FRED POUR A CONCRETE PATIO?

>>2661221
Grab food preferably high fat and protein content to slow your digestive sysyem, a 24 of lucky, and a Mickey of everclear. Put one half-cap of Everclear into each beer.

That's how I camp. Also you will pass out on the 4th bevercleer.

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>>2661244
YOU FUCKIN DAMN RIGHT I AM! I'M THE BADDEST MOTHER AROUND THAT CAN POUR A MEAN CONCRETE PATIO!

>>2661197
>Just chilling after work and smoking some salmon - want a beer?
>How's little Timmy's team doing this year?

>>2661252
>Not posting Rogal Dorne from ETTS
You had one job anon, you had one job.

I do want to see how fortified that goddamn patio would be if he did make it.
>"Honey, I can't get into the patio again."
>"Why?"
>"The kids edited me out of the 'Approved' list for the servo-skulls, every time I try to open the door the spray holy promethium at me."

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>>2661197
"Just chilling a bit after work - want a beer?" you tell Fred.

"Sure," he says, "can I use the side gate?"

"Go for it," you say, stirring the coals a bit.

You can hear him come around the side of the yard, and you realize belatedly that the only beer currently in the yard is a keg in an ice bucket. and a stack of solo cups.

Wait. Does that mean they replaced the ice earlier while cleaning up the back yard?

You're suddenly a little suspicious of Liska's motivational methods for the cleanup crew.

Or did T.T. magic the keg and bucket to stay cold until further notice? You wouldn't put it past him to have some sort of magic for everything involving alcohol.


Fred walks up, and you gesture at the keg as T.T. and Kelly introduce themselves.

"Looks like college," your neighbor tells you, filling a cup, "that's good stuff. Bit heavy duty for a Friday night barbecue, don't ya think?"

"I'm actually just smoking some salmon," you say, gesturing at the slabs of fish, "gift for the boss. Liska and I are going out with him tonight."

"This guy just got moved up to the international accounts," Kelly says, slapping you on the back, "that's really the sticking power for Bernie's business. Money coming in from all over the world."

"If that's the stuff you brought over last Christmas," Fred tells you with a smile, "you'll get into the intergalactic accounts in no time!"

"Seems like a bit of a waste to break open a whole keg just for a bit of smoking, though," he finishes.

"Leftovers from last night," T.T. says, smirking, "we had a bit of a party."

"Hope the noise didn't keep you up," you tell Fred.

Or the lights.

Or the speech and cheering.

Or the magical rat cage match.

Or the two girls tearing up the street with magic.

"No, Marlene and I are pretty sound sleepers," he says, taking another sip of beer, "we were wondering if you had family in town when we saw the cars this morning, though."

>They're my brothers-in-law
>Rather... extended family
>Just some friends
>Just some co-workers
>WRITE IN

>>2661319
>>Nah, our daughters are friends and we're thinking of starting up a softball team for the girls.

>>2661312
>You had one job anon, you had one job.
You took mah job Anon. That and Dorn is not exactly a externally passionate man.

>>2661319
>Nah, our daughters are friends and I wanted an excuse to have a get together and use the grill.

>>2661319
>Rather... extended family

>>2661319
>Just my daughter's friend and their family, we're pretty much one big family now.

>>2661323
19:14 - 19:30 Voting period.

>a softball team for the girls.
Bravo, anon. That's the best euphemism for a magical mafia/murder-army I've ever heard.

>>2661312
>>"The kids edited me out of the 'Approved' list for the servo-skulls, every time I try to open the door the spray holy promethium at me."
>Next week on Home and Fortress world TV...

>>2661319
>Nah, our daughters are friends and I wanted an excuse to have a get together and use the grill.

>>2661319
>>>Nah, our daughters are friends and we're thinking of starting up a softball team for the girls.
we probably have the best softball team in the entire history of american little league and probably the only rival is also a demon team which suprisingly their leader is just a human who is just a prodigy in baseball

>>2661319
>you'll get into the intergalactic accounts in no time!
>intergalactic accounts
fffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu--

>>2661331
>Nah, our daughters are friends and I wanted an excuse to have a get together and use the grill.

>>2661323
>and we're thinking of starting up a softball team for the girls.

>>2661344
>we probably have the best softball team in the entire history of american little league
Side Quest! Side Quest! Side Quest!

>>2661319
>Nah, our daughters are friends and I wanted an excuse to have a get together and use the grill.

>>2661319
> Extended family.

>>2661323
>>2661319
Kek yes "softball"
>>2661340
It really is a great euphemism isnt it

>>2661319
>I suspect Kelly's kid might end up being a son in law if he doesn't screw anything up.
>Fraternity brothers. Had a little get together since our kids all know each other
The other answers on that list are gonna make things awkward if Shelby gets caught making out with our daughter by the neighbors.

>>2661323
I love it. This needs to be a thing now.

Kyaa, people liked my idea.

Also, qm has used a surprisingly large amount of my ideas in this quest, could it be a match?

Is QM kill for the evening? It's been a while.

>>2661434
He was gonna get drunk AND we gave him a curveball. he needs time to think something up.

>>2661434
depends if he found his liquor or not, i guess

>>2661444
Hey man, it can take a while to suck Everclear through a silly straw, you seen how many loops some of those fuckers have? It gets even worse when it starts dissolving the plastic or his cig gets too close to it and the whole bottle lights up like a jets afterburner and he has to catch it before it spills too much.

>>2661434
It's only been twenty minutes since voting closed. Though he mentioned the possibility of acquiring food and Everclear so between that and the uncharted waters we've been swimming into the delay could be longer than the other posts. I'd give another hour at least before we pack it in and send a search party.

>>2661461
That fuckin' silly straw. Enforcing that sort of barrier-to-entry just makes it take longer to get sufficiently hammered without changing the outcome one bit.

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>>2661319
"Nah," you tell him, throwing some wood chips on the fire, "our daughters are friends. We were thinking of starting a softball team for the girls."

T.T. still looks damp and miserable, but at the words 'softball team', Kelly Edwards gives you an empty stare as if he can't process the words you said.

Then he turns away quickly, and starts having a coughing fit.

"Sorry," he mutters, once he catches his breath, "got a bit close to the smoke - allergies have been killing me this year."

"Well," Fred tells you, "make sure you get them in the right league. I'm pretty sure the umps in Timmy's Little League games have 'legal blindness' as a job requirement."

"It's mostly an excuse to get together and use the grill," you tell him with a smile, "and it's always good to get the girls a bit of exercise, healthy competition, you know."

"Might be 'healthy competition' for the kids," Fred says, "but some of the parents can get vicious. The stands start looking like a gang war - people in different colors slugging it out. It's disgusting."

He takes another swallow of beer.

"Are you looking at putting in a swimming pool?" he asks, gesturing at the spray paint T.T. put down to cage in the rats last night.

"I had some measuring done," you tell him, "but really wasn't a fan of the quote they gave. Those contracts can get really steep."

At that, T.T. has to hide his face behind his solo cup. And he's either shivering a lot more than earlier, of he's shaking with silent giggles.

"Not really worth it here, since it's only warm enough half the year," Fred says, "lot of trouble for no good reason."

"That's about what I thought," you tell him.

Then Melon peeks her head around the corner.

"Hey dad?" she says, "I kinda wanted to apologize for that stunt with the car earlier -" and then she stops with an embarrassed look when she sees Fred standing with you guys at the grill.

Really, you're more proud of her for coming to say that than embarrassed to have her do it in front of the neighbors. Hell, Fred could have been on the road earlier.

And then you see them.

The ears.

She's got two golden fox ears poking out through her blonde hair.

Shit.

Well, she does take after her mother.

>It's a hat
>It's a costume
>It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to
>Kelly, ice this guy
>WRITE IN

>>2661480
>It's a hat Fred, I got her that last Christmas as a gag gift. I'm surprised she actually got them out.
>It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to

>>2661492
>>It's a hat Fred, I got her that last Christmas as a gag gift. I'm surprised she actually got them out.
>>It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to

>>2661480
>It's a hat Fred, I got her that last Christmas as a gag gift. I'm surprised she actually got them out.
>It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to

>>2661480
>It's a hat Fred, I got her that last Christmas as a gag gift. I'm surprised she actually got them out.
>It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to

>>2661480
> It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to

I wouldn't even draw attention to the ears. Fred will probably just chalk them up as some fashion fad that the kids are taking up.

>>2661480
>It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to
Also before you ask
>It's a hat

>>2661480
>>It's a costume, for Halloween, of course. You know kids these days, into all those cartoons on TV.
>>It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to
>>Very quietly to Melon: Honey I'm so proud of you for saying that, and I'm sorry for changing the subject, but have you looked in a mirror recently?

>>2661480
>Write in - oh, cute...I guess the ears for your fox costume fit well enough, glad your mother doesn't have to go get them resized like the rest of your outfit, you should go show them to her, the school play for eastern history studies is looking to be interesting this year...

>>2661480
Honey, I know you like the idea of calling the softball team the (insert whatever random state or adjective concerning foxes you feel is best. Eg Golden state, Crazy,Wily) foxes but noone's gonna be able to see the little fox ears you made under the baseball cap.

>>2661480
>it's a pair of hairbands she ordered from some website, crazy what the chinese can do, right?

>>2661492
20:10 - 20:20 Voting period.

>>2661434
>>2661443
>>2661444
>>2661473
Ran to the store between posts, while trying to think of the most hilarious way to spin this exchange.

I can't decide if I'm mad about being dragged into running Chatting With The Neighbors Quest or not. It was a good idea, and fits with some of the themes we have going on, but I was not a fan when I first saw the write-ins. Fred's grown on me a little, though.

>>2661461
This is sounding suspiciously like a Hitman 'accident' execution.

>>2661480
>>2661492
>It's a hat Fred, I got her that last Christmas as a gag gift. I'm surprised she actually got them out.
>It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to

This has come out even better than I could have ever hoped. Thank you, QM!

>>2661492
>>2661500
>>2661501
>>2661505
>>2661506
>>2661508
>>2661509
>Fight the urge to touch the fluffy ears
>Fail harder

>>2661521
>Fight the urge to touch the fluffy ears
>Fail harder

Automatically thought of this scene:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsM5CxnZbhA

>>2661480
I would suggest not bringing it up unless he does. If he does, then we answer it's a hat.

>>2661480
>>Fight the urge to touch the fluffy ears
>>Fail harder

>>2661480
>It's a hat

>>2661480
>>2661492
Supporting

>>2661517
Well, just glad to hear we wont see you on an episode of "1,000 ways to die".
>This man was spending his time drinking and posting on an internet message board
>Little did he expect his night to take a turn for the worst
>His lit cigarette carelessly brushes the lip of a silly straw he has stuck in a high proof bottle of grain alcohol
>and as he hits Confirm on a post about magical school girls he is about to see some magic of his own!
>*flame slowly travels the loops of the silly straw before contacting the alcohol in the bottle*
>*the bottle suddenly rockets off the table and into the air*
>*the lights are smashed by the flying bottle and the room is plunged into darkness*
>"SHIT DUCK AND COVER"
>But it was too late for this aspiring author
>*sickening crunch as the flaming bottle collides with a human skull*

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>>2661480
You're really not sure what's worse.

The fact that your daughter's had some sort of recent and radical change to her body, and doesn't seem to realize it?

The fact that your neighbor is witnessing this?

The fact that your two new 'brothers' might think it's a great idea to plug any leaks very permanently?

The real long shot that Fred's somehow part of the world too, and is going to turn into a Loch Ness monster or a demon or something?
"Surprised to see you still wearing that old gag gift, Melon," you tell her, not willing to let on that there's anything outside the norm happening here.

Well, this REALLY isn't outside the norm for what your backyard's seen recently, but Fred is one of the last people you want to know that.

"It's been a nice chat, Fred," you tell him, ignoring the slightly bemused and rather flushed look on your daughter's face, "but I've got a little family business to attend to. Teenagers and cars, you know?"

"I'll see myself out," Fred says, with a look of absolute understanding that any parent would recognize - he does not want to be here for this, "can't say I'm looking forward to Timmy hitting that age, myself. Thanks for the beer, man," he tells you, sidling away around the side of the house.


"Proud of you for coming out to say that," you say gently to Melon, walking up to her.

They're so... cute. And fluffy.

They're fuzzier and less-developed than your wife's sleek pair, but they're adorable.

You almost try to resist petting them.

And fail terribly, reaching out and stroking your daughter's ears.

She gives a yelp and jumps about a foot in the air - "what was that, dad?", she asks, looking shocked.

And red in the face.

"Have you looked in a mirror lately, dear?" you ask her, and get a confused look.

"Uh," she says, "no dad. Why?"

"We're going inside," you tell her, "Kelly," you say to the assassin, who's been watching the whole scene with a mixture of utter confusion and amusement, "watch the salmon."

Then you march inside, to the master bathroom where your wife's preparing to go out. It's the nearest mirror you can think of. And she'll probably have a lot better idea about this than you do.

"Honey," you say, walking up to the bathroom door with your daughter, "you're going to need to see this."

She cracks the door, takes one look at the two of you, pulls Melon inside with an excited yip, and shuts the door in your face.

>T.T., this wouldn't have anything to do with what you did last night?
>T.T., this wouldn't have ANYTHING AT ALL to do with what you did last night? RIGHT?
>Casually clean your shotgun within sight of any nearby teenage males who might really like fox ears or fluffy tails
>Ask your wife if you should cancel dinner plans
>WRITE IN

>>2661584
>The real long shot that Fred's somehow part of the world too, and is going to turn into a Loch Ness monster or a demon or something?

he just needs three fiddly

>>2661584
>T.T., this wouldn't have anything to do with what you did last night?

"Gonna be honest. Part of me hopes it does and this isn't just a horribly timed coincidence."

>>2661584
>>T.T., this wouldn't have anything to do with what you did last night?

>>2661590
Remember those joke novel titles I wrote in a previous thread? Elves and Dwarves.

>>2661584
>>WRITE IN
Attempt to listen at the door.

>>2661584
>Casually clean your shotgun within sight of any nearby teenage males who might really like fox ears or fluffy tails

>>2661584
this >>2661605

>>2661584
Fuck I need sleep but questing so good. Supporting>>2661605

>>2661584
>Last night have anything to do with that?
(I'm personally assuming it's the drinking instead of suspecting T.T. Don't need to be causing the alliance to fray on day one.)
>If she can't control it that's going to be a problem. Besides the obvious demon attacks what other dangers am I gonna need to start prepping for if she gets noticed?

>>2661584
>>T.T., this wouldn't have ANYTHING AT ALL to do with what you did last night? RIGHT?
>>Casually clean your shotgun within sight of any nearby teenage males who might really like fox ears or fluffy tails

>>2661584
>>Casually clean your shotgun within sight of any nearby teenage males who might really like fox ears or fluffy tails
Must protect

>>2661584

>>2661605
>>WRITE IN: Attempt to listen at the door.

>>T.T., this wouldn't have anything to do with what you did last night?

Fuck I forgot to post!

>>2661584
>>Casually clean your shotgun within sight of any nearby teenage males who might really like fox ears or fluffy tails
>T.T., this wouldn't have anything to do with what you did last night?

>>2661584
this: >>2661605

>>2661584
>>T.T., this wouldn't have ANYTHING AT ALL to do with what you did last night? RIGHT?
>>Casually clean your shotgun within sight of any nearby teenage males who might really like fox ears or fluffy tails

>>2661584
>>T.T., this wouldn't have anything to do with what you did last night?
>T.T., this wouldn't have ANYTHING AT ALL to do with what you did last night? RIGHT?
>Casually clean your shotgun within sight of any nearby teenage males who might really like fox ears or fluffy tails
>>2661559
I don't think he drinks rocket fuel, or liquid explosives. (I hope)

>>2661584
>>T.T., this wouldn't have anything to do with what you did last night?
>>T.T., this wouldn't have ANYTHING AT ALL to do with what you did last night? RIGHT?
>>Casually clean your shotgun within sight of any nearby teenage males who might really like fox ears or fluffy tails
Remember when everything goes to hell it is most likely T.T's fault unless its something to do with us fucking up.

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>>2661584
"T.T.," you say, walking out of your bedroom to find the wizard standing in the hall, probably waiting for exactly this question (or just for warmth), "this wouldn't have anything to do with what you did last night?"

"Probably not," he says, then gives a shrug, "but it's magic and I was drunk and it's not like there's an IKEA guide for this stuff. Or any books about it that weren't written by absolute madmen. I was just looking at her last night, and I took the backlash. It shouldn't have done anything to her," he says, beginning to pace around, "and there are some other things that could have triggered it - hmm..."

"It might be a halfbreed thing. Can't say I'm an expert on that," the wizard tells you, "although I'd think you would have seen something before now. Puberty hitting? Getting super slammed last night? Losing virginity? (That one's just a theory, man, I'm just thinking out loud and I'm not saying that's happened, don't give that look.) Being around this number of magical folks at once for an extended period of time? Emotional disturbances or large upsetting life events? She's contracted to Freebles, too, so there may be a connection. Sometimes even normal girls pop ears when they go frilly."

"Wait, where's the ferret?" he asks, looking at you, "I want to ask him some questions."

Freebles, unusually enough, doesn't pop in or crawl out of your pocket as if waiting for a cue.

But you can feel him there.

You pull the ferret out by the scruff of his neck - he's asleep. That's unusual.

"Bro," you ask, "you alright?"

He yawns and stretches.

"Think I'm ok," he tells you, "just had kind of a rough night, fought a guy, and took over a couple of contracts. That can really wear you out, bro."

"Anything strange happen to you recently?" the wizard asks him, looking him over, "besides the cannibalism thing, which I'm not ruling out as a possible factor yet."

"Well," the ferret says, scratching himself, "I joined up with my bro here and got ink. That's about the most eventful this life's been for me."

"You got ink?" T.T. says, parroting the word back slowly, "how? Who does that for rats?"

[1/?]

>>2661685
> Who does that for rats?
The rat tattoo artist, clearly. You might even call him the... Rattooist.

>>2661695
I think you mean Ratatouille

>>2661705
Close. He's the guy who makes the Rattooist's disinfectant. Among other things.

>>2661705
>Ratatouille
PERFECT
>A magical rat who hates making innocent girl forcing into a contract (mainly disgusted from terms and conditions) and so gone AWOL and became a Tatoo artist and part time Chef

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>>2661685
"It just," Freebles begins, then think, "I just kind of did it?"

"Oh my god," T.T. says, looking like he's having a religious vision or a tooth pulled, "I should have realized when I saw them. This is too stupid, and I'm part of it too. This is why they don't make contracts with men. Brothers, we are absolutely insane, and if we make it out of this, I am getting published."

You give him a puzzled look, as he pauses.

"Alright," he continues, "it makes so much more sense now. That's part of what I was seeing last night. Ok," he says, "a magical girl contracts with a rat, and she changes her look. Freebles contracts with you, and he changed his look, signifying it - magical creatures often get markings when something mystic changes. That oath he swore changed something about how he works magically. There are like seven magical girls contracted to Freebles," he continues, gesticulating wildly, "You are 'contracted' or joined by bonds of brotherhood or oaths to me and Kelly and you wife and..." he trails off.

"Did you do this on purpose?" he suddenly asks.

"No," you tell him, "what did I do?"

"You just might have accidentally created the largest tangled ball of magical yarn anyone has ever seen," he tells you, "and you're not even a wizard! Oh my god, we are going down in history if we do not take it down with us! I am getting so many papers published off of this!"

"If the requirement for writing magic books is being a madman," you tell him, "you're beginning to sound like you qualify. Can you please start making sense?"

"You forming that bond of brotherhood with Freebles wrecked something in how his magic, and his contracts work," the wizard tells you, eyes shining, "and that's making his very presence in our network give the various contracts and bonds you've made actual mystical weight."

"I don't know how I didn't feel this before!" he says, "and I don't know how to lean into it yet, or what it's going to do to us, but..." he trails off again.


"...when I said we are all in this together," the mad wizard tells you, the lights of insanity dancing behind his eyes, "I meant WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER! BROTHER!"

>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>Am I going to grow ears too?
>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?
>Is this scary enough to people that I need to show up for Dinner With The Dragon with an honor guard?
>WRITE IN

>>2661712
>turns out he did those things in a previous life and just showed back up at his old work one day like nothing happened
>bosses and co-workers don't question it, "I mean, he sounds basically the same. A little squeakier maybe, and we occasionally have to bribe the city health inspectors, but he gets the job done. It's hard to find good help these days."

>>2661734
>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?

Wish i was around when we did the barbaque, we could have asked the girls to bring some cannolli.

>>2661734
>>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?
>>Is this scary enough to people that I need to show up for Dinner With The Dragon with an honor guard?

>>2661734
>>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>Does this mean I'm gonna be "frilly" too?

>>2661734
>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>Is this scary enough to people that I need to show up for Dinner With The Dragon with an honor guard?

>>2661734
>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>Are you going to grow ears too?
>Does this giant mess include my sister?

>>2661734
>>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?

>>2661751
>>Does this mean I'm gonna be "frilly" too?

>>2661734
>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>So, does this mean that everyone I've made a contract with is going to change physically in some way?
>Is this scary enough to people that I need to show up for Dinner With The Dragon with an honor guard?

>>2661734
>>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?

>>2661734
>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?

>>2661734
>>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?
>>Is this scary enough to people that I need to show up for Dinner With The Dragon with an honor guard?

>>2661734
>>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?
>>Hey does this mean I don't need to worry about Shelby and my daughter anymore?

>>2661734
>>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister? Wonder if she will un-demonfy
>>Is this scary enough to people that I need to show up for Dinner With The Dragon with an honor guard?

>>2661734
>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?

>>2661734
>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?

>>2661734
>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?
Oh shit it actually happened. Wait, so do we share magic or something due to this? Is this why melon suggenly got ears

>>2661806
I think it might go back further than that.We've been generally ignoring this , but we were clearly getting visions/dreams of what was happening to our sister, so this entire clusterfuck might actually date back to some sort of mystical sibling connection that spiraled out of control when mixed with Freebles.

>Pact Magic taken to it's logical conclusion
Thank you, Based QM

>>2661734
>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?

>>2661819
So we can use magic now? SWEET

>>2661844
cast magic missle, your d&d nerd demands it

>>2661848
Tracking shotgun slugs.

>>2661852

AWWWWWW YISSS

Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>2661848
>I roll to seduce
>but dad youre not a fox
>YOU CAN'T STOP ME

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>>2661734
"Not to burst your bubble," you tell T.T., remembering something unfortunate, "but there's one other bond I have that might make this a problem. I believe you've met my older sister?"

"Oh," the wizard says, and his face loses some of its antic excitement, "that could be a real issue, but there's nothing we can do about it right now. And if she's your biological sister, that's not a bond or contract we can break. You, uh, can't pick your family, as they say," he finishes.

"This does sound a lot like one, doesn't it?" you ask, "except magic. In a different way than families usually are."

"They really are magical, aren't they?" he asks you with a smile, and puts a hand on your back, "ah hell, I'm glad to be in yours, bro."

"Like it enough to grow ears for it?" you ask him, "they'd probably be a fetching shade of black."

He bursts out laughing.

"I'm pretty sure THAT'S not going to happen," he says, once he's recovered himself, "my guess is that Melon's growing those because of her heritage - the shared magic is just awakening something that was already there, not granting something new. It miiiiiight have something to do with the fact that her mother's in on it too, or even be because Freebles' change broke something in her magical girl contract that was keeping her natural abilities locked down. That last one's very possible, now that I think about it."

"There's only a trickle flowing through the web now," the wizard tells you, "partially because nobody knows it's there yet, and nobody's trained to call on it, or send more power through it. Now that I know what's going on, and what to look for, I can feel it - it's faint, but it's there. I doubt we'll ever be able to start using each others' magic directly," he continues, "I'm probably not going to start being able to sling swords around because Shelby and Sue can do it, for instance, but sharing energy with this freedom, and under these conditions..."

T.T. trails off again.

"And I'm pretty sure the trigger was everyone involved getting slammed together last night," he tells you, "in combination with the oath we swore with Kelly, and Freebles eating the other rat. That was a remarkable string of events to happen all together like that. But what can I say?" he asks, grinning.

"Alcohol is the real magic after all."

>So does this mean I'll be able to do magic?
>I should probably go check on Melon
>Is this power scary enough that I'll need an honor guard to meet with Bernie safely?
>Should I start making contracts with other folks? Perhaps your older daughter?
>WRITE IN

>>2661879
>>So does this mean I'll be able to do magic?
>>Should I start making contracts with other folks? Perhaps your older daughter?

>>2661879
>So does this mean I'll be able to do magic?
>I should probably go check on Melon

>>2661879
>>So does this mean I'll be able to do magic?
>>I should probably go check on Melon
Family first mang please dont forget you have a date with Burny the Dragon

>>2661879
>So does this mean I'll be able to do magic?
>I should probably go check on Melon
Gotta know how our girl is taking the changes so far.

>>2661879
>>So does this mean I'll be able to do magic?
>>I should probably go check on Melon

>>2661879
>Is this power scary enough that I'll need an honor guard to meet with Bernie safely?
>Should I start making contracts with other folks? Perhaps your older daughter?

>>2661879
>I don't know how all of this works, but it sounds like we could probably do some weird currency exchange system to skip out on the effects of defaulting. I bet that's why freeble's country/(continent?) destroying boss if a bunch of girls don't meet their quota. They don't want to take any chances.
>Does this mean I'll need some sort of honour guard to make sure I don't accidentally involve a dragon in this clusterfuck tonight? Burnie is already paranoid about us as it is and nearly got himself dragged in today now that i think of it.
>Ask the sword if it knew this was happening the whole time because it really sounds like this is exactly what it was saying was going on and mention.
>No to asking if we should contract his daughter. It looks aggressive to Burnie and TT should never be thrilled to hear anyone ask to contract with his other daughter within this lifetime.

>>2661883
22:43 - 22:53 voting period and all (write ins after voting period are often folded in if I see them while writing and they don't conflict)

I've really screwed myself on this one. Why did I give a character fox ears when there's about two solo images of the character I'm sourcing art from with fox ears that aren't just porn?

Oh, because it seemed to work for the story.

>>2661886
>Burny the Dragon
My god.

>>2661907
BLargh. forgetting to add words to sentences at 2 am.
>I bet that's why freeble's country/(continent?) destroying boss shows up and wrecks everything including the contracting rat if a bunch of girls don't meet their quota. They don't want to take any chances.

>>2661907
>>Ask the sword if it knew this was happening the whole time because it really sounds like this is exactly what it was saying was going on and mention.
That sly motherfucker...

>>2661910
> Implying anon has some beef with 'just porn'.
But seriously, just having one image is fine by me. Helps with the whole character recognition thing.

>>2661910
You must channel your powers into editing cute foxy ears onto pictures for the sake of humanity!

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>>2661879
"Does this mean I'll be able to do magic?" you ask the wizard.

"Have you been listening?" he asks you right back, gripping your shoulder, "you have already done, accidentally done, far greater magic than anything I've ever attempted. That apartment complex in Russia where we met? That's crude and small-time compared to this!"

"No," you say - he didn't quite get what you meant, "I meant fireballs, pulling swords out of my ass, Magic Missile, that sort of thing."

He gets a dark look on his face, and takes a drink.

"If you really want to walk that path," he tells you, a little sternly, "you probably can now. You've got some very good teachers in your family now, and you've got access to the energy for it - particularly if Pink donates, or your wife. But magic isn't pretty. I think you've seen enough now to know that," he grins, nodding at Freebles, "and it's not all it's cracked up to be."

"Just look where it got me, hey?" he asks with a raised eyebrow, "look where it got Kelly, and Shelby, and the girls. You've stepped into this world, and you've taken a big step in, but you don't have to walk the same path in it that we are. Think about it for a while," he finishes, looks you in the eye, and strolls away.

That's actually kind of a good point, you admit, as you turn back toward your bedroom. Everyone you've met on the path of being a magician has been at least a couple cards short of playing with a fully deck.

Even if they are lovable short decks.

And your family, now.

A family bound together with oaths, with confidences, and with love. Freebles has curled back up in your pocket.


Wait. Bound together with oaths?

Someone's been suspiciously silent lately.

"YOUR POWER GROWS AS YOUR VASSALS AND ALLIES DO!" the sword speaks into your mind in response, "THEY GATHER UNDER YOUR BANNER, AND NOW THEY SHARE THE STRENGTH OF THEIR VERY SOULS AS THEIR REWARD!"

"Did you," you begin, not sure if you're going to like this answer, "know about any of this? Did you plan this from the start, and play me like a damn fiddle?"

"DO I LOOK LIKE A WIZARD TO YOU?" it responds, "DO I FEEL LIKE AN ONMYOJI? DO I SOUND LIKE A SCHOLAR? NO, I HAD NO IDEA THAT THESE BONDS WOULD CREATE A MAGIC OTHER THAN THE MAGIC OF EMPIRE, OF FAMILY, AND OF CONQUEST."

Well, that answers that. Other than its own magical nature, the sword had never really seemed to be very mystic-minded. Bloody-minded and thirsty, perhaps, but not mystic-minded.

And probably not a liar.


Speaking of mystic things, you get the feeling you're headed towards a bastion of Women's' Mysteries in your master bathroom.

>Knock
>Listen at the door
>Just walk in - it's your house, right?
>WRITE IN

[Please provide potential/desired topics/dialogue/etc.]

>>2661976
>Knock
Hey, Liska. Just giving you a heads-up. We're leaving soon, ok

>>2661976
>Listen at the door

If there's no sound for a good 10 to 20 seconds then >knock on the door

>>2661976
>>Knock

ALWAYS knock, for all we know they could be having a Fox puberty talk.

>>2661976
>Listen at the door
>Knock

>>2661981
>>2661981
dont fox ears have good ears you know

Also no wonder Melon can counter whatever she says by saying
HE IS MY DAD SUE

>>2661976
>Listen at the door
>Knock

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>>2661977
23:26 - 23:36 Voting period

>>2661969
>Shelby's face when

I use a lot of Fate/Images because I have a pretty decent collection and there's SO MUCH FANART for the series you can find almost anything. Unfortunately this does bled into the story a little bit, but I usually hope to keep it down to 'reference' levels.

>>2661984
>for all we know they could be having a Fox puberty talk.
Wow, it's like nobody wants to take the super obvious bait or something.

>>2661976
Supporting these guys >>2661977 and >>2661984

>>2661995
Aww, man. Guys, there's plot-bait to be had!

>>2661976
>Everything ok in there honey? We may have created one of the greatest magical pact clusterfucks to ever exist so I'm gonna need you to help me not let Burnie accidentally drag himself into that whole mess.
>I'll go put on my tux now.
( because I hope we weren't smoking salmon in a tuxedo that we're going to be wearing tonight so that we smell like delicious salmon to a dragon.)

>>2661976
>>Listen at the door

>>2661976
>Listen at the door
>Knock

>>2661995
We're too damn old to be taking that kind of bait Haiku.

Good night you guys. I fully expect to see our shotgun enchanted with the power of love when I wake up.

>>2662024
>I fully expect to see our shotgun enchanted with the power of love
>implying it hasn't been already
GOD DAMN IT, SUE!

>>2662030
this is lewd.

>>2662030
It's been covered with love nectar and various slimy juices which you probably know where it come from.