I am looking foward to seeing Shotgun-chan having fun making our enemy's go boom. Her inocent smile will be becon of hope for all.

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>>2648573
"So, Bernie," you ask your blond boss, who's still standing in front of your desk, "who on earth puts down '15 Virgins' as a business expense?"

The cigarette smoke from your last client - a 'Kelly Edwards', the father of that Shelby kid who crashed at you house last night - hangs in the air. Despite the fact that this is a non-smoking office.

"That's an old account," Bernie tells you, "we closed it down a few years ago, soon after that statement came through. They seemed like the sort of folks who'd be bad for the firm's reputation," he finishes with a smirk.

There's something in his eyes that hints that the account might not have been the only thing that got closed. And considering that Mr. Edwards' accounts look like something every alphabet agency in thirty countries would want to see, you can only guess what it would take to be 'bad for the firm's reputation'.

"Am I going to need to brush up on my Cayman Islands law for these?" you ask him, then say with a smirk, "or is the Bermuda Triangle a more popular location for offshore accounts in these circles? I hear it's almost impossible to trace anything that goes out there."

Bernie laughs, then says "money's its own kind of magic."

You still suspect that he sleeps on a pile of it.

"Then I guess this is business as usual," you tell him, "you pay me to handle accounts - I'll handle the accounts."

"Hopefully you won't have to handle anything else," he tells you with a grin, turning toward the door, "there's a reason we don't do safety deposit boxes here. By the way," he tosses over his shoulder, "what'd your wife think of the double date idea?"

"She's in," you say, "Friday, right?"

"Friday," he tells you, and walks out of your office.

Well, it's another uneventful day at the office. Your lunch break eventually rolls around.

>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrow
>Research more magical stuff over your lunch break
>Research this 'Kelly Edwards' guy over your lunch break
>

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>>2648628
[META POST]
Twitter: for rutimes and my comments:https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
Please treat all comments about happening quest events as you would the joshing commentary of an older brother who's seen the show before. It is all in fun, and definitely not canon.

Archive: for catching up on this quest: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Shotgun
Due to archiving issues, 'Shotgun' is the only tag that works.

I probably need to put up a character list somewhere. Pastebin still good for that?

>>2648628
>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrow

We should introduce our magical girl squad to his daughter's. Maybe they've got a bad rat.

But we probably should research what Kelly thinks about T.T. Don't want to spoil the mood.

>>2648628
>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrow
Can't wait to form the Dad Zaibatsu.

>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrow

>>2648628
>>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrow

>>2648628
>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrow.

>Call your wife to grab some salmon to smoke

I just want part 2 in the thread so we remember to do it.

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>>2648639
Hey I sound someone with the same eyes as Shelby!

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>>2648628
You dial T.T.

"Afternoon," he says, not messing around with the Indian accent fakeout again, "T.T. here."

"I know it's short notice," you tell him, "but I was wondering if you and your family would like to come over to my place for a barbeque tomorrow night."

"Hmm," he mutters, "we could probably make that work. Alice'll be glad to not cook. Where do you live, exactly?"

You tell him, and hear a thoughtful pause.

"So," he says, "that might pose a little bit of a problem. You're deep in Pink's territory over there, and things might get a little messy."

"Messy?" you ask. This guy can't be serious. There's got to be some limit to this 'turf' insanity. They'd be coming over for dinner, not starting a war!

Wait. Last time you talked to her, Pink/Mary was concerned about T.T. using the power from the huge demon he'd absorbed to expand his demon hunting grounds into hers.

So if he just waltzes straight in, even with his family - oh. Right. He's got a magical girl for a daughter, too.

From what you've seen, they're usually not the most levelheaded people around, and go off quickly and violently.

And given that arrow strike you saw last night, 'messy' might be the way to describe it.

"We're not on the friendliest terms," he tell you, and you feel it's probably an understatement, "so we try to keep out of each other's way."

"I'll work something out," you tell him, "and let you know when I've got things arranged."

"Sounds good," he tells you, "now I've got a glass of wine and a summoning circle to get back to..."

>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary
>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'
>Got any ideas what kind of magic would take fifteen virgins?
>WRITE IN

>>2648628
I wholeheartedly support >>2648660

>>2648795
>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'
He's in the same "concerned father of a magical girl" boat as us. Also he'll be joining us as well

>>2648795
>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?

>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary

>>2648795
>>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary

>>2648795
>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary
>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'

>>2648795
>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'
>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary

>>2648795
Damn it QM, I want all the things!

In this order:
"I gotta know..."
>>Got any ideas what kind of magic would take fifteen virgins?

>>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'

We've gotta get some ground rules about the house established. Like no fights to death at our house.
>>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary

Now that I'm fully caught up on previous threads, Harriet's DEFINITELY the way to go when dealing with Mary. Though, with the whole emancipation thing, we should probably respect Harriet's choice to leave her family out of this whole business. Red shouldn't be too much of a problem though, since she seems to like us almost (not quite) as much as Sue. The possibly of Sue's broken home life seems pretty damned scary so we should beware on that note.

>>2648818
13:20 - 13:30 Voting period

>>2648795
>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary
>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'

Let's not ask about the virgins. Don't disturb sleeping skeletons.

>>2648833
> The possibly of Sue's broken home life seems pretty damned scary so we should beware on that note.

Turns out her home life is totally normal and she's just a natural bitch, and recognizing this makes her more isolated from her family as she feels she has to act equally normal to fit in.

>>2648833
Red almost killed us along with Shelby.

>>2648858
Pinky you mean?

>>2648858
Uh, I thought that was Pink/Mary.

>>2648864
Ah, right,

>>2648795
> Ideas for reconciling Pinky and T.T.

A) BBQ is delicious B) They can fight later C) Thanks for the save last time. We are now packing slugs in case we run into armor again.

Hey did we grab any of that demons armor after killing it BTW?

>>2648795
>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary

>>2648877
I think we just went back home after the Demon died. No real chance for salvage there boss.

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>>2648795
"Before you go," you tell him, "you know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards'?"

You can almost hear the man start to walk around in a large circle.

"Ok," he says, suddenly a little more serious, "let's get this straight first - are you asking because he's after you, or asking because you want him after someone? Because if it's the first one, you need to hang up and start running."

"Neither," you say - is the guy really that dangerous?

...he was in your office a couple hours ago, flippantly talking about leaving a dead man's head in a public toilet. Ah.

And it still smells like cigarette smoke in here.

"I was planning on inviting him too," you continue, suddenly wondering if that's a good idea, "he's in the same 'concerned father of a magical girl' boat as we are."

There's a noise like someone spitting out a mouthful of wine.

"We've got some bad history," T.T. tells you, slowly.

"Is there anyone you don't have bad history with?" you ask the man, a little exasperated, "besides, you'll all be guests at my place, and I'm not a fan of my guests killing each other. And our families will be there - it'll be fine."

"Well," he says, "if someone has him after me, I'd know by now. And his daughter's in this fix too? Well, ya learn something every day. Let me know if you get things worked out with Pink."

Then he hangs up, and you text Harriet.

...Of course she wants to meet in person, so evening finds you, a businessman in a suit, walking slowly through a park with a black-haired schoolgirl.

[1/2]

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>>2648961
[2/2]

"So let me get this straight," she asks you, looking up at you with eyes far too old for her face, "you're trying to set up a barbeque for Mary's squad, one of the most dangerous assassins currently operating, and a man with so many enemies he goes by initials so nobody can use his true name against him?"

"It's a family barbeque," you say to the girl, "you know, one with a grill and steaks and hotdogs and a decided lack of magical murder."

"I've only seen those three in the same place once," she tells you, "and I got hard reset pretty fast afterwards. There's no way Mary's going to meet with him on her turf unless he's surrendering."

>It won't be on her turf. It'll be one mine - he'll just be passing through hers
>Was last time anything like this? It's a shot at disrupting the cycle you're in
>"hard reset"?
>WRITE IN

>>2648992
>>"hard reset"?
> that implies there are other types of resets

>>2648992
>Was last time anything like this? It's a shot at disrupting the cycle you're in
>"hard reset"?

>>2648992
>It won't be on her turf. It'll be one mine - he'll just be passing through hers
>I don't suppose that she can take it easy for a day?
>Wait "Hard Reset"?

>>2648992
>It won't be on her turf. It'll be one mine - he'll just be passing through hers
>"hard reset"?

>>2648992
>It won't be on her turf. It'll be one mine - he'll just be passing through hers
>I might also invite a dragon to the mix, if that makes it better
>How different do these timelines get anyway?

>>2649000
14:14 - 14:24 Voting period. Geez, I'm writing slowly today.

Nice get.

>>2648992
>It won't be on her turf. It'll be one mine - he'll just be passing through hers
>"hard reset"?

>>2648992
>WRITE IN

"So, in any of your loops, you must have gotten intel on all the different magical factions. Ever tried getting them to work together? How'd that go?"

>>2648992
>>It won't be on her turf. It'll be on mine - he'll just be passing through hers
Though he could probably portal to our place if Mary's gonna be pissy about it.

>>Was last time anything like this? It's a shot at disrupting the cycle you're in
In fact, it's probably our best (and only) shot at averting the apocalypse, I would think that saving the world comes before supernatural gang warfare.

>>2649028

Also:

"And what the hell does Mary have against everyone not in your squad? Even in business, you don't want to alienate your competitors and set them against you. Maybe you could convince her to keep your friends close and enemies closer, you know?"

Also, if we can come up with a way invade hell to take the fight to the demons' turf for once then maybe everyone can stop piss-assing around with these petty turf wars, or at least move the turf wars into hell. More hunting grounds for everyone.

Explain to me the purpose of Captchas that require you to fill nearly the whole damned grid.

>>2649052
>spoiler
when i get those, i just reload the captcha until i get an easier one.

>>2648992
>It won't be on her turf. It'll be one mine - he'll just be passing through hers

>>2649056
what is easier than clicking everything?

>>2649066
Clicking the absolute bare minimum and tell Captcha to go suck dick in hell.

>>2649066
i usually get the ones that tell me to click the store fronts. they tend to be three and are quite easy.

>>2648992
>It won't be on her turf.
It'll be on neutral ground. How'd people like that, you think? A place where all the supernatural folks in this town could meet in peace. Talk things over. Maybe get to stopping the apocalypse instead of squabbling over turf.

>>2649000
Ooh clever.

Also can't we just, you know, bribe Mary to let T.T. in?

If anything wouldn't she prefer to be involves in us dealing with him? Instead of us dealing with him alone?

>>2649085
> The rats, though

I feel like having our place be Neutral Ground officially is a long-term project.

We need to take out the Rats first, so we are decidedly NOT neutral.

>>2649102
I'm pretty sure the dragon's territory was neutral ground, and we're starting up the "Fuck the rats" faction.

>>2649102
Even considering the rats, we can declare our home to be neutral ground for magical girl groups so they can meet and negotiate in a zone that doesn't belong to any of them. That could improve communication between the squads and make it harder for the rats to manipulate and isolate girls.

>>2649104
>Starting up the fuck rats faction
With our bro the ferret!

Another thing is that most of Mary's squad would probably work with us if asked anyway. Red wouldn't be hard to convince, Harriet thinks we're a possible savior of the timeline, Blue loves us, Melon is our daughter, and her boss is our bro.

>>2649120
We gotta watch out for any negotiations with pink though, since she saved us in her territory we don't have the advantage in any talks about her joining.

>>2649130
I agree, we gotta up our ante on that front and get dat gear.

>>2649120
addendum: mary has a similar thought about us being the time loop breaker

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>>2648992
"Hard reset?" you ask. Does that mean there are other types?

"It's, uh," she starts, and her expression gets a little darker, "I died."

You can almost see it in her eyes, like two tiny movie screens - decapitation, a bullet slamming through the tiny forehead, explosions wiping her away instantly, deaths. Over and over, feeling the pain as she wakes up with a gasp, at the beginning again.

Those aren't eyes a young girl should have.

Hell, those aren't eyes anyone should have.

"God, I'm sorry," you tell her, really not sure what else to say, and then ask, because you can't really think of anything else, "can you do it... softer?"

"Maybe," she tells you, "but I've never tried. Always feel like I have to stick it out - you know, hoping like an idiot that this would be the time something showed up out of nowhere and saved us."

That's, damn. And every time that hope gets crushed?

You're gonna make it different this time.

"So," you ask, "was last time they were together anything like this?"

"Hell no," she tells you, "we were fighting World War Three. I'm still not sure what side Edwards was even on. Or which one dropped the bomb on us all."

"I WONDER IF I FOUGHT ON THAT GLORIOUS BATTLEFIELD," the sword intones, "AND WHO HELD ME. A WAR COVERING THE WORLD - NOW THAT'S SOMETHING TO ASPIRE TO!"

World War Three? With magicians on the battlefield? She wasn't kidding when she said the world ended several different ways.

"Well," you tell her, bringing in in your ultimate argument, "then if it's different enough, this might be a step toward breaking out. Besides, she won't be on her turf - she'll be on mine. T.T. can just portal in if that'll make her happier."

"Huh," she says, jogged out of what looks like a painful memory, "that, yeah that could work."

Then it hits her, and she looks at you in shock.

"Wait," she says, "your turf? Forget being worried about T.T. coming into her territory - you're saying you're just carving your own little bit out of it? That's gonna be a really tough sell."

>Well, I've been meaning to say something about this thing I started...
>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?
>WRITE IN

>>2649143
>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?
>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?

>>2649143
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?

>>2649143
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?

>>2649143
>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?

>>2649143
>A man's home is his castle, after all

>>2649143
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?

>>2649143
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?

>>2649143
>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?

>>2649143
See >>2649085
If she wants to break the cycle, let's start by leaving all this "turf" shit behind.

>>2649085
Supporting this.
The first step in change is controlling the usage of words. And how they apply to the situation.

>>2649143
>>Well, I've been meaning to say something about this thing I started...

>>2649143
>>A man's home is his castle, after all
As long as I own this house and property I can and will invite whoever I damn well please, as is my God given right.

If she has issues with property law she can take it to congress.

>>2649143
>>WRITE IN
lets be honest here. the chances of a hostile demon appearing in our house are slim. And in the slight chance that would happen, the demon's energy would go towards melon's debt.

>>2649143
>>A man's home is his castle, after all
>>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?

>>2649192
And then it be our sister, who is the demons.

>>2649201
>demon sis is BFF with the one we kicked back to hell

>>2649203
Id be content to learn that she is or was Doomgirl

>>2649143
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?
Plus I mean, our “Territory” would basically just be our house and yard.

>>2649143
>A man's home is his castle, after all
>Besides, if T. T. Is willing to come to the table and deal with all of his baggage with everyone else she should be able to put on her big girl pants and come over to talk as well. We're all in the same boat here whether they want to admit it or not.

>>2649143
I keep hearing the Millennium Blade's lines in Aku's voice.

>>2649143
>A man's home is his castle, after all

Y'alls can't save the world and not be part of it. It doesn't work, and you don't deserve that.

If it makes her feel better it's also Melons turf.

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>>2649143
"A man's home is his castle, after all," you tell her, "and it should be pretty neutral ground for this. Besides, what's Mary's deal? Has she never heard 'keep your friends close, and your enemies closer'?"

She just looks at you and sighs.

"Ok," she tells you, "you really don't know how this world works. Hunting grounds and leylines are only part of it, although they're very important for magical girls and people like T.T."

She stares you down, and says "it's not like we can go to the cops about anything. Vampires set up shop? Someone decides we'd be great virgins for a demon sacrifice? Enterprising magician opens a portal to Hell? We've got to look out for ourselves."

"That is a lot easier to do in a defined area, where we know anything magical who doesn't have permission to be there is an enemy," she tells you.

"I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I LIKED IT HERE," the sword says, "THIS SOUNDS LIKE HOME - SMALL LORDS KEEPING ORDER IN THEIR OWN TERRITORIES, WITHOUT A SHOGUN TO KEEP THEM IN LINE."

That sounds kind of rough, actually.

"What about neutral areas?" you ask, "we're walking around in a park right now, and there's a bar that seems to be neutral ground."

"It's the dragon," she says, jerking her head at your office building, "he keeps things in order near the city center. Being territorial is bad for his business - and he doesn't need to feed like we do. Frankly, he's sort of providing a service by maintaining a place like that, but even with his power, he can't cover more than a certain area."

>What about alliances?
>What about that kid Shelby? Everyone seemed really ok with him being around.
>Why the gang terminology?
>WRITE IN

>>2649288
>What about that kid Shelby? Everyone seemed really ok with him being around.
"Except Mary. Seriously, that girl needs to chill."

>>2649288
>>Why the gang terminology?

>>2649288
>What about alliances?
>Why the gang terminology? I was never a big fan of Rap.

I get the feeling that the big reason why Shelby is not on anyone's shitlist is because he's the bartender and doesn't try to start shit too big for his britches on his own.

>>2649288
>What about alliances?
>What about that kid Shelby? Everyone seemed really ok with him being around.
>Did you never try to unify the factions around here?

>>2649229
Oh thank God, I'm not the only one.

>>2649288
>all of it

>>2649288
>Damn it. It sounds like the rats are doing divide and conquer. They have you fighting each other and reaping profits from both sides.

>>2649288
>Why the gang terminology?
>What about that kid Shelby? Everyone seemed really ok with him being around.

>>2649288
>What about alliances?

>>2649294
15:47 - 16:00 Voting Period.

13 minutes because I like round numbers.

>>2649288
You've been doing this for thirty years and you haven't learned how to manipulate pinky yet? Throw me a bone here instead of telling me why this or that won't work. I'm going to save my daughter and the world, in that order, and a little girl in a pink dress is not going to stop me

>>2649288
>"I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I LIKED IT HERE," the sword says, "THIS SOUNDS LIKE HOME - SMALL LORDS KEEPING ORDER IN THEIR OWN TERRITORIES, WITHOUT A SHOGUN TO KEEP THEM IN LINE."
See? What'd I tell you? Sword's got a point sometimes.

>Someone decides we'd be great virgins for a demon sacrifice?
Well, that's one question answered.

>What about alliances?
"Wouldn't it make more sense to get everyone organized? You can't go to the authorities about it, I get that now, but that doesn't mean you couldn't form some kind of magical girl union to deal with disputes, negotiate better deals."
>WRITE-IN:
"What if the 'enterprising magician' has a point? Opening portals to Hell to hunt seems more pro-active than simply waiting for them to show up here. Seems more convenient too, hunting according YOUR schedule, rather than the other way around. Then there'd be no need to fight over Earthly hunting ground at all, wouldn't there?"

The rats are payday loan brokers in a pyramid scheme.

>>2649288
"See, that's how the rats get to you. They keep you huddled in little enclaves, separate so you can't even compare notes and figure out the loopholes in the contracts that bind you to them. That's what I'm offering to take a first step towards changing."

>>2649229

Oh God dammit now I can't stop hearing it. I both hate and love you for this.

>>2649361

same hear, now i cannot unhear it.

>>2649229
It's perfect Anon. I don't think it can get anymore perfect since our Rat-Brother already provides the soundtrack to our fights.

>>2649288
> So . . . .you DO know he's my Boss right? We're going to dinner on Friday? I handle the magical accounts now?

> Speaking of which, do you girls have all your financials set up? Pretty sure I can help you out with balancing your energy payments. Which by the way are outright *usurious*, I've been talking to your Rat about it and I think we've come up with a plan to help stabilize your rates.

> A plan which will probably require T.T., so ya know, long term planning.

Overwhelm them with applied normality and responsibility. Fuck off thinking you can just die out of these problems like a bitch.

>>2649313
Fuck your voting period look at me senpai >>2649387
>>2

>>2649387
votan for this,

>>2649387
It's a good start Anon, let's see if we can get it through in the next Update.

>>2649288
"What about alliances?" you ask, "wouldn't it make more sense to get organized?"

She shrugs, raising her tiny shoulders a little then dropping them.

It's almost cute, in a sort of half-drowned kitten way.

"Sometimes people form them," she tells you, "but it's usually in response to some larger threat, and they fall apart pretty quickly afterward. Either it's an argument about dividing up the spoils, or about whether the magician gets to keep summoning demons (and which ones he's allowed to summon), or who gets how much energy, or something else. When you're not across a border from someone, you have a lot more things to argue about."

"And I think you know how arguments always end in this bunch," she says, raising an eyebrow, "you know the phrase about meddling in the affairs of wizards, right?"

Alright, now that you've seen it, you're pretty sure Tolkien was right on the money. Then you've got to wonder if he saw this sort of thing first-hand too.

"I mean," she goes on, "if the time traveling space Nazis showed up tomorrow, we'd be right there alongside T.T. to fight them, but we wouldn't trust him enough to stick around very long afterward."

Wait. The Time-Traveling Space Nazis?

"Is that, uh, a thing that's actually happened?" you ask her, a little hesitantly.

"Of course not!" she tells you, and there's something that might be a grin playing around her mouth, "looks like I got you, though."

"So," you ask, hoping to preserve the lighter note, "why the gang terminology? I was never a fan of rap, myself."

Her smile fades a little (well, there wasn't much of it to begins with), and she tells you "come on. We're doing something illegal, we try to avoid the police, we run in packs, fight over territory, and solve our problems with violence. And we're basically scraping along from fix to fix from some pretty unsavory folks, who are also competing."

She pauses, and the smile twists, "and you know? We're young and dumb and could die tomorrow. The whole 'gangster' thing seems to fit pretty well, actually."

...You can feel the ferret in your pocket squirm in what you're pretty sure is agreement.

>I'm thinking 'mafia' would be a better image to go with than 'gangbanger' - I'm in this for my family
>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?
>You've been doing this for thirty years and you haven't learned how to manipulate pinky yet?
>WRITE IN

>>2649446
>>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all

>>2649446
>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?

>>2649446
>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all

>>2649446
>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?

>>2649450
16:34 - 16:44 Voting period.

>>2649446
>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?

And this in some fashion, because damn that's good stuff.
>>2649387

>>2649446
>>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?
>>You've been doing this for thirty years and you haven't learned how to manipulate pinky yet?

>>2649446
>I'm thinking 'mafia' would be a better image to go with than 'gangbanger' - I'm in this for my family

>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?

>>2649446
>>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?
We're in a DIFFERENT sort of contract now.
>>I'm thinking 'mafia' would be a better image to go with than 'gangbanger' - I'm in this for my family
Can we add "Don of Demons" to that list of titles?[/spoilers]

Also, lol at the gangster criticism, meanwhile we're trying to become a magical mafia boss.

>>2649387 also raised some good points.

>>2649446

>I'm thinking 'mafia' would be a better image to go with than 'gangbanger' - I'm in this for my family
>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all

>>2649476
Consonants ruin everything.

>>2649446
"So here's a question... If you had a chance for your little gang to get ahead of the other groups and become more like a "Legitimate Business", do you think that you'd be up for it?"
>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?

>>2649446
>I'm thinking 'mafia' would be a better image to go with than 'gangbanger' - I'm in this for my family

>>2649476
>Also, lol at the gangster criticism, meanwhile we're trying to become a magical mafia boss.

Currently the situation is a bunch of magical street gangs fighting each other and making their own situations worse.

Its currently closer to a magical wild west without a sheriff, marshals and justice system.

>>2649446
I was gonna vote for >>2649387
,but i also got another random idea.
How do you feel about studying magical contract law? My boss might know somebody who can get you as an intern so even if this isn't the last trip you can eventually know a way to break past the contract.

>>2649506
>Its currently closer to a magical wild west without a sheriff, marshals and justice system.
Fair point.

>>2649516
>even if this isn't the last trip you can eventually know a way to break past the contract.
Maybe we should also come up with some contingency so she can pull us into fixing the situation earlier the next time around.

>>2649387
>>2649446
All of these points still.

Holy fuck rush hour traffic is a special hell.

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>>2649446
"Seems like the rats pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all," you tell her, "keeping you at each other's throats so you can't do anything about the mess they have you in."

"Sounds about right, I guess," she tells you, "never really thought about the bigger picture like that."

"And I'm guessing they tell you guys to not talk to wizards, too?" you ask.

She nods "Freebles was always pretty chill about it," she says, "but I know there are places where the local magical girls and wizards are virtually at war. Their... rats," she says slowly, using your word for the creatures for the first time, as if it's unfamiliar, "probably put them up to it, now that I think of it."

Of course they would - the wizards are probably the only people who could figure out how to help their condition.

It's actually almost beautifully done, you realize, staring at the girl. You can almost see the wheels in her head turning as it begins to fit together.

The demonic infiltration of civil authority structures cuts them off from normal society.

Competition for resources cuts them off from supernatural society, particularly for girls whose families aren't already in it.

The secrecy and danger of their activities cuts them off from their families.

Isolating the target is always the first step in abusing them, isn't it?


"I might have a solution to 'fix' one of your problems," you saying, and the ferret jumps out of your pocket as if on cue.

He's probably been waiting for this the whole time.

"Never thought you'd get around to me, bro," he says, "gonna tell her about our little contract?"

You glance at him as shock flashes across Harriet's face.

And then you look back at him suddenly - what the fuck?

Since when has this little guy had a tattoo? Or fur dye, or whatever the hell that is?

...There's an Eastern dragon coiling and winding over his back, through a field of flowers. Looks like pretty good work, too.

"You, uh," Harriet stammers out, the most shocked you've ever seen her, "how'd you form a contract with him? You're a guy! And what the hell is THAT?"

"It's the kind of contract men make," the little ferret says, standing up and crossing his front paws, "we are sworn brothers. I'll make sure you girls get taken care of."

Well, he's certainly going whole hog on this thing.

You shrug "well," you tell her, "I'm in this for my family. 'Mafia' is a better image than 'gangbanger', anyway."

You can tell she's still having trouble processing this.

>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better order
>We're going to have to work with T.T. if we're going to have a shot at fixing what's been done to you girls
> If you had a chance for your little gang to get ahead of the other groups and become more like a "Legitimate Business", do you think that you'd be up for it?
>You think Freebles might help in convincing Mary?
>WRITE IN

In before we reenact the Oath of the Peach Garden with totally-not-Kiritsugu and T.T., only we're standing near a BBQ pit as opposed to a tree.

Fuck, I hope we don't have to deal with a Lu Bu.

>>2649612
The thing about Lu Bu is that for as strong as he was, he's kinda dumb and easily manipulated.

>>2649604
> If you had a chance for your little gang to get ahead of the other groups and become more like a "Legitimate Business", do you think that you'd be up for it?


Everybody but the sword is bro right now, God bless.

>>2649604
>>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better order

>>2649604
>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better order

ahahahahha this ferret i swear

>>2649604
>All of the options.

>>2649604
>>We're going to have to work with T.T. if we're going to have a shot at fixing what's been done to you girls
>>You think Freebles might help in convincing Mary?
Magical ferret with Yakuza tats, I fucking love you, QM.

>>2649604
>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better order
>You think Freebles might help in convincing Mary?
I mean seriously, our Rat-Brother is getting Yak tats and everything.

>>2649604
>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better order
>We're going to have to work with T.T. if we're going to have a shot at fixing what's been done to you girls
> If you had a chance for your little gang to get ahead of the other groups and become more like a "Legitimate Business", do you think that you'd be up for it?
>You think Freebles might help in convincing Mary?

I think all of these are important to say.

>>2649654
this.

>>2649654

agreed

>>2649604
I'll support >>2649654

>>2649604
>All of the above

>>2649654
Yeah we're going to have to pick everything because Harriet is going to need a tactical sledgehammer to the thinking process.

>>2649654
Ditto

>>2649654
Agreed, lets go with this.

As a complete side note, how in the actual fuck did Freebles not get killed for his shit long before this? My assumption is most of the rats act like QB from madoka where they view shit like emotions to be a bad thing and a literal mental illness. How does rat society even function?

>>2649654
>>2649604
Thank god someone finally suggested this.

>>2649612
Lu Bubwas a bitch who failed everyone who ever relied on him and was a tragic figure at best who only made things worse for everyone around him, including his daughter.

If anything, Lu Bu is our BAD END.

From the sounds of it, we're up against more of an Al Capone character for the Rats.

>>2649690

either nijas, or the Iluuminati

>>2649690
> How does rat society even function?

Easy, just like any gang/pyramid scheme so long as you move product and give your boss a cut they don't give a flying fuck.

Knock off your rival in the organization? So long as you don't appear to be amassing enough power to knock off your boss, money covers all sins.

So we gotta get Freebles enough energy to look successful, but not so much he looks like a threat.

>>2649680
It's like, whenever a contract says you can't show it to a lawyer or waive your rights to one that's a) a lie and b) a really bad sign.

I wonder if a NotConstantine is in this universe.
I feel like if he did exist then the rats would try for his daughter and have to deal with a supernatural trickster on a warpath that's blackmailed Satan at least once.

>>2649604
>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better order

We going to have to buy everyone suits

>>2649756
Name one time anything ended well for Constantine or any of his friends.

One fucking time.

"Hurr Durr he tricked immortal beings of spite and power".

As always when dealing with the Devil, the "trick" is getting you to do it in the first place. Everything after that is just a temporary lead until the "House" catches up.

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>>2649758
Go from this

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>>2649604
She looks at you, and then back at Freebles, then starts laughing.

Once she can speak again, she looks up at you, and says "alright, if this time isn't it, I am DEFINITELY finding you next time. Freebles, what did you do to yourself?" she asks, as she leans over to pet the ferret's head.

"YOU HAVE FORCED HER TO QUESTION HER WORLD," the sword tells you, "AND THEN YOU PRESENT AN ABSURDITY CAUSING ALL SAID BEFORE IT TO APPEAR SANE. AND LOOK HOW YOUR BROTHER DISPLAYS HIS LOYALTY TO YOU!"

"All the way from the skin to the tip of the hair," she says, one hand groping through the ferret's fur.

You'd bet decent money that she'd probably strangled him once, when he was with the rats.

"You know where I work, right?" you ask her, leaning over to take a closer look at Freebles' new markings.

"Yeah, you're an accountant, right?" she says, looking up at you.

"Nice ink, bro," you tell the ferret, scratching behind his ears as realization dawns on her face.

A passing child points at the three of you, tugging at a parental hand, and you guess they asked for a ferret, since you definitely hear a "we'll see".

"You work for the dragon," Harriet says with a gasp, " holy shit. You've been working for him for years."

"Only at the office," you tell her, "I'm my own man here. But I just got put on the 'special' accounts, so I'm in a good position to help you straighten up those 'energy financials', or find someone else who can."

There's a glimmer of hope in her face.

"If you've got him on your side," she tells you, "then we don't have to worry about the rats turning us off."

"Ya still gotta hunt demons, though," the ferret says, "we can't have my other boss figure out we're runnin' this sorta scam on him."

"It's temporary," you tell her, "and if we're going to break you girls out of it permanently, we're going to need a wizard."

"So," she says, "that's where T.T. comes in."

"Yeah," you say, standing back up, "and for his daughter. Edwards has a daughter with the same problem. Shelby's in it for his sister's sake."

"And no other reasons?" the girl asks you, smirking.

"You think Mary would be up for turning this into a 'legitimate business'?" you ask Harriet, ignoring her implication.

"I'm not sure," she tells you, "she might just take this as a power grab - she's been in this mindset for years, and I've got a unique perspective she doesn't."

"AND NOW YOU LIST YOUR ALLIES AND CONNECTIONS FOR HER," the sword intones, "IMPLYING THE OPPORTUNITY FOR HER TO BECOME ONE WITHOUT ABANDONING HER EXISTING ALLIES."

>There's only one right way to do a mafia power grab - kick in the door
>Well, let's see if we can talk her into it - this is her one shot at getting out of this life
>Let's pitch the 'expansion opportunity' angle
>We're going to need the other girls along for persuasion and/or an audience
>WRITE IN

>>2649791
>"If you've got him on your side,"
refers to Freebles (who she's petting), not the dragon. That's a lot less clear than I meant it to be.

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>>2649776
To this

>>2649767
Anon,that's the joke.

>>2649791
>"If you've got him on your side,"
>Well, let's see if we can talk her into it - this is her one shot at getting out of this life.
>But if she doesn't want to leave then she can still get on with some benefits.


We gotta sell the idea that if the boss is alright with it then it's clean. And she can choose to walk away from this life if she so wants to or get a piece of the action.

>>2649791
>There's only one right way to do a mafia power grab - kick in the door

>>2649791
>We're going to need the other girls along for persuasion and/or an audience

>>2649791
>We're going to need the other girls along for persuasion and/or an audience
>she wouldn't turn her back on all of you... right?

>>2649791
>We're going to need the other girls along for persuasion and/or an audience

>>2649791
>We're going to need the other girls along for persuasion and/or an audience

>>2649791
>There's only one right way to do a mafia power grab - kick in the door
Time for Mary to join up or get out of the way because we have all the leverage. Hell is she turns this into a bloodbath Harriet just resets and gets us earlier. Her position will only get worse and worse.

>>2649791
>We're going to need the other girls along for persuasion and/or an audience

>>2649791
> If this was a power grab, hoq does she plan to go against a Dragon, a Kitsune Clan, her own Ferret, the rest of her crew, Shelby, AND T.T.

> Just saying that if it WAS, the best she could do right now is take us down with her.

> Not to mention that I'm easily the squishiest person here, and that I'm still bringing her into it in a position where if she decided murder-suicide WAS the way to go then nobody could stop her.

> in all honesty, who would even want to be in charge of this mess. It sure doesn't seem to make her happy at all.

> She already knows what it's like to sign a shit contract as well, I can both teach her what a fair contract looks like, recommend a second opinion, and then sign one with her too if that's what it takes. I'm not scared to put myself out there for my daughters friends. Especially one who saved my ass already one time.

Fucking kids yo.

>>2649833
i don't know if she can pull anyone else with her, "we" might just die with the timeline

>>2649842
Roses are red

Violets are blue

Qualia doesn't exist

And neither do "you".

>>2649842
Yea but we'll always be melons dad with a magical girl sister who vanished. How hard would she have to push to get us involved every time?

>>2649815
18:14 - 18:24 Voting period

>>2649833
I'd rather we just make sure that she never has to do another reset again. The last 30 times has already been rough on her.

>>2649859
Oh I'd rather avoid it as well. I'm just saying worst case scenario that Mary kills us all doesn't mean it's actually over.

>>2649852
literally just let us find freebles and shit starts from there.

>>2649889
kind of? the real trigger was to find that melon was a MG. We could get the wife drunk in order to know that. Seems to be easier than to find again the ferret.

>>2649897
thing is finding freebles means we put 2 and 2 together cause rats are never without magical girls and if he shows up at our house and we find him like he did in this timeline we start putting 2 and 2 together.

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>>2649791
"Then I think it would be best if we had the other girls along for ballast," you tell her.

"AHH," the sword breathes into your mind, "HAVING HER RETAINERS NEAR WILL PUT HER AT EASE - THEY OUTNUMBER YOU. BUT SHE DOES NOT KNOW HOW CLOSE YOU HAVE COME TO CAPTURING MANY OF THEM FOR YOURSELF. THE VERY ALLIES SHE LOOKS TO WILL FOLLOW YOU!"

The fact that the sword's advice is beginning to sound more and more sane is probably a bad thing.

"I'm not walking in to stage a coup," you think at the sword, "I'm just going to offer a mutually beneficial arrangement. These girls have had enough of shit contracts anyway."

"YOU MAY CALL IT WHAT YOU WISH, LORD," the sword replies, "BUT IN TRUTH, YOU WILL TAKE HER POWER IF YOU SUCCEED."

You look down at the ferret's yakuza tattoos. From what you know, as long as he's with you, Mary really doesn't have any good options.

"We're meeting up tonight anyway," Harriet tells you, "I said I'd be running late, so they're probably all there already."

"Alright, brother," you say to the rat, "I assume you know where this is?"

"Just say the word," he grins up at you.

"Take us in," you tell him.

And suddenly the teleportation grabs you by the base of your stomach, and you're standing in what looks like a second-floor rented office with the blinds pulled, decorated in a strange mix of cute pink things, tea china, and bric-a-brac.

The girls are sprawled out on a couple of couches, drinking tea and eating snacks. Your little Melon is actually doing homework, of all things.

They're shocked to see you arrive.

And their jaws collectively hit the floor when they see Freebles.

"No way!" Sue (the bluehaired one with an unhealthy affection for swords and older men) and Karen (the redheaded thrillseeker) yell out almost in unison, "you got yak tats, Freebles!"

They're on him in a flash, petting him and checking out your bro's new ink.

Well, some women are into tattoos.

Melon looks up at you and says, "uh, hi dad. Didn't expect to see you here. And what happened to Freebles?"

Mary lounges at the end of a couch, watching you through half-lidded gold eyes.

"And to what do we owe this visit?" she asks you, in a very level tone.

>I've got an offer to make.
>I'm taking over this operation.
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine
>Freebles is my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit. (Ignore Mary)
>WRITE IN

>>2649969
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine. As for Freebles, he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit.

>>2649977
A clever choice as any Anon.

>>2649969
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine. As for Freebles, he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit.

>>2649969
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine
>I'm taking over this operation.

I keep thinking of how The Godfather in the second movie would have done this.

>>2649977
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine. As for Freebles, he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit.
>I plan to make things move forward, i a way that's good for everyone

>>2649984
I figure it's a good combo. We don't ignore Mary but we show some of our cards. We're not being openly hostile but we let her know that her boss is working for us and we aren't messing around.

>>2649969
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine

Never hurts to ask first.

>>2649969
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine
>As for Freebles, he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit.

>>2649969
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine. As for Freebles, he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit.

>>2649977
18:59 - 19:09 Voting period

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>>2649969
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine. As for Freebles, he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit.

>>2649969
Also

> We're looking to change how things work. Not just who's in charge, but how the entire game is played. Part of that means getting everyone together and finding out just what game they all are playing.

> Everyone coming has skin in the game, and they're sick of getting it ripped off for one person at the top. It's not enough to survive, we have to win.

> Because my little girl isn't going to be fed into the meatgrinder, and you all deserve the same as her too.

> You're tough kids, but you're kids and they took advantage of that with this bullshit contract. If you're going to fight, it's going to be for yourselves and your friends not to feed some parasite.

> Also I have a dragon. Black Company Quest intensifies

Don't actually mention the dragon part.

>>2649969
>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine

>>2650012
If qm ever rejoins us from the sexy womans feom his work

>>2649977
Oh shit nigga, I'm fuckin' stoked for this reaction.

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>>2649969
"I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night, chiefly," you tell Mary, "and Freebles happened to know where your office was."

At the word 'barbeque', those red and blue heads snap around toward you, and you can almost hear Sue and Karen licking their lips.

"YOU ADDRESS THE WHOLE CROWD INSTEAD OF JUST THE LEADER - A WISE CHOICE," the sword says into your head, "THOSE TWO DESIRE YOUR MEAT."

"That had better not have been intentional," you think at the sword, "you Sengoku spook."

"So that's where you were," Mary says, glancing at Harriet, who's still standing beside you, "the two of you have a nice chat?" she asks.

"Pretty good," Harriet says, "I think he's got a better idea how this world works now."

So she's not going to give the game away herself. Well, you can appreciate that.

"As for Freebles," you say, turning slightly toward your daughter, keeping your eyes on Mary "he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit"


At this, the ferret hops up on the table, stands on his hind legs and strikes a pose.

If he was really a musclebound yakuza, it would have showed off his back and the tattoo impressively.

As it is, it's vaguely ridiculous, and you hear Melon giggle slightly.

Mary's not smiling.

You can see her putting things together behind those universal gold eyes. She knows what it means for the ferret to be figuratively in your pocket.

"Not sure it's a good look for you," she says to Freebles, "you need a little more muscle to pull it off."

Then you see the ferret's eyes glint.


Wait.

If he can give himself a tattoo/dye-job like that apparently just by willpower...


"Barbeque sounds nice," Mary tells you, "but that can't be the only reason you bothered to come personally."

>Actually, I need safe passage for some of the other guests. My house is pretty deep inside your territory, after all.
>Actually I OWN YOUR SOUL NOW. KNEEL.
>Actually, I've got an offer to make.
>Actually, I'm taking over this operation.
>WRITE IN

>>2650064
>Actually I OWN YOUR SOUL NOW. KNEEL.

>>2650064
>Actually, I need safe passage for some of the other guests. My house is pretty deep inside your territory, after all. And if it's not too obvious I've got a proposition for you all as well.

>>2650064
Supporting >>2650069

>>2650069
This

>>2650064
>Actually, I need safe passage for some of the other guests. My house is pretty deep inside your territory, after all. And if it's not too obvious I've got a proposition for you all as well.

>>2650064
Basically what >>2650012 was about to say

>>2650064
>Actually, I need safe passage for some of the other guests. My house is pretty deep inside your territory, after all

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>>2650064
This >>2650012

>>2650012
I like this a lot but I think it would be best used when we have everyone together at the BBQ. It's a very good leader speech.

>>2650064
Supporting >>2650069

>"Not sure it's a good look for you," she says to Freebles
Well, that's ominous...

>>2650068
As hilarious as that line would be...

>>2650064
>WRITE IN
You're right. You kids might be tough, and smart, and I respect the hell out of what you've gone through.

But you're still kids, and from the perspective of someone whose job it actually is to deal with these things, your contract is terrible.

So some other people are going to come too, and we're going to sit down, and we're going to share notes to figure out just what actually is going on.

And then, hopefully, things are going to change.

Because clearly none of us have the whole picture yet. Did any of you know that Freebles could sign a contract with a man? What about the magic shotgun shells?

This great nation was founded on the ideals of freedom, but also on the backs of slaves. It took us a long ass time to figure out that contradiction there, but we learned that lesson deep. And what you girls are, are basically slaves with a long leash. No matter how much power you have, or how comfortable your position is.

So hopefully that's going to change after this. I'm not going to tell you to stop fighting, or to give up your power. But if my little girl is involved then I'm damn well going to make sure that it is HER power, and not something that can be taken away or turned on her.

You don't HAVE tonbe a part of it. It's not about turf, or clawing others down. You just have to not get in our way, for your own sakes if nothing else but also because I'll drag down anything or anyone that hurts my daughter.

That includes protecting her friends. You've kept her safe when I wasn't around to do so and I won't leave ypu behind even if you don't involve yourself directly. I owe you that much. But I recognize you might not agree with what or who gets involved in this. I'm not going to talk about freedom while telling you to kneel though.

>>2650090
It is a bit ominous, but it could be her just saving face. Remember that she did break down and cry in our arms despite giving off them waves of "DIE LOWLY INSECT".

>>2650083
>>2650089
See >>2650097

Also

> Don't worry Freebles, we'll show them just how broad your back really is.

>>2650101
She's been fucked over hard with the line of saving the world. How many corpses do you think are in her past that tried to turn her with the promise of saving herself.

The difference is, we're saying we're gonna help everyone save themselves.

>>2650064
>>Actually, I need safe passage for some of the other guests. My house is pretty deep inside your territory, after all.
>>I've got an offer to make

>>2650101
You've got a point, but it still makes me antsy.

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>>2650106
Indeed Anon. I wonder if she's so desperate for a real father figure in her life like the other magical girls that we could be a real saving grace.

>>2650064

>Actually, I need safe passage for some of the other guests. My house is pretty deep inside your territory, after all.

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>>2650064
"Actually," you tell her, "I need to ask safe passage for a couple of the other guests. My place is rather deep inside your territory, after all. And if it wasn't too obvious," you finish, "I've got a proposition for you all as well."

"Showing up to proposition an entire room of teenage girls?" Mary asks you, half a grin on her face, "your wife falling down on the job or something? Alright, who's coming to dinner?"

You grit your teeth a little. The joke was a little poor, but the insult to your wife was uncalled for. Melon looks a little shocked, and the room goes tense.

"Kelly Edwards," you start off, determined to not let it get to you, "and his family."

"As long as he doesn't have a contract on one of us," she tells you, then looks at Melon, "his son's practically got a pass anyway. So who's the other one?"

"T.T. and his," you tell her, and her eyes narrow.

"Did that wizard put you up to this?" she asks.

"SHE ASSUMES THIS IS SOME PLOT ON HIS PART," the sword intones, "AND FAILS TO SEE YOU AS THE MASTERMIND."

"No," you tell her with a smile, "actually, I invited him, and he's too scared of you to come without an ok."

"Glad to hear he's scared," she tells you, "so I'll think about it. Or as certain sorts of people like saying," she says, again with the half grin, "we'll see."

The temperature drops another half degree.

"So what's this proposition?" she asks, "what color do you want? Blue's bound to be a bit wild, but I'm sure you know that. Red's got some potential. I'm not sure you'd have much fun with black, and I didn't figure you for - oh, that's it, isn't it? You want gold?" she finishes, with a rather evil smile.


There's a range of expressions on the girls sitting around the room. Your daughter is scandalized, and looks a little hurt. Harriet looks vaguely bored, and slightly disappointed. Karen watches intently, like a shark smelling blood in the water, and Sue's face is... hard to read.

You just hope your is too. At least none of them look like this is even nearly normal. There's almost an electric buzz in the air.

>I notice you left an option off that list. I want you.
>Kids these days - no, I've got a business proposition.
>Alright, want to throw down?
>All of them. And you, too.

>Kids these days - no, I've got a business proposition

>>2650147
>Smack her on the head.
>Kids these days - no, I've got a business proposition.
>All of them. And you, too.
>All 5 of you are over your heads in debt and I am to get you out of it.

>>2650147
>For the leader your seem to have a poor understanding of word choice. Probably how you all ended up with such shit contracts. My job is contracts and I'm looking for some more clients if you're interested. Everyone else I've mentioned that's coming is looking to break the cycle, figured you might want better for your girls as well. Unless you have some other lazy insult to chuck my way.

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>>2650147
>Kids these days - no, I've got a business proposition.

>>2650147
>Kids these days - no, I've got a business proposition.
And I'm providing free food. At least come for that.

>>2650154
support

>>2650153
>>2650154
This. Fusion of this.

>>2650153
you know what, this

>>2650147
Fuck it, I support >>2650154
If she's gonna parody the part of the madam of the world's second most fucked up brothel then it probably time to wake her the fuck up.

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>>2650147
>Kids these days - no, I've got a business proposition.

>>2650147
>>I notice you left an option off that list. I want you.
To work with me.

>>2650147
>I notice you left an option off that list. I want you.

> I'm sure you noticed my wife as well, her people have . . . Appetites

Do this while leaning in close enough for her to smell our aftershave then

> Smack her on the head

> Gods help me, if you don't believe me about the appetites bit just ask Melon. I sure as hell don't want to deal with a horny teenage girl on top of that, my wife is plenty enough for me.

> Honestly who have you girls been hanging around with to act like this. Seriously. I might have to have a talk with them, but in your style with the stabbing and shooting and such if they've been letting you get away with this Degrassi cliche attitude.

Then we explain what Degrassi was.

>>2650147
>I notice you left an option off that list. I want you

>>2650147
backing this >>2650153

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>>2650154
>>2650111
I mean I support this too.

Really. So kuch to do with these kids. I feel like we accidentally bought a project home that was reno'd by the owner who is an engineer.

See that? That's where the fucker put the counter over the fucking 240v range plug for the stove in the income property I just bought. Swear to fucking god, let's not even talk about the 220v he ran along the fucking underside of the bathtub to install the washer/dryer.

It's also installed on top of the fridge cord, if the fridge dies you would have to rip the counter out.

I mean. That's happening anyways but goddamn.

Dude owned 10 houses *and this was the one he lived in*. Fucking death trap.

And you ever try to get a 3m range cord?

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>>2650147
You can't believe this. It's so stupid, you feel almost like laughing

This is worse than your dad jokes. She's just taking a perfectly acceptable word, and construing it the worst, most awkward way possible.

It's just... juvenile.


Juvenile.

Yeah, that's exactly what it is. And exactly who's doing it to you. She's baiting you, but you see something beyond the universes in her eyes and realize she's scared beyond belief.

You walked in here with her killswitch doing you homage.

And she might be a goddess or something, and she might be running a small-time magical street gang, but she's also just a scared little girl.

"SHE PUSHES YOU AWAY TO DETERMINE IF YOU TRULY WISH TO COME TO HER," the sword funnels into your mind, "AND MISSES HER MARK BY DRIVING AWAY HER ALLIES."

Maybe that's part of it too, you think, but you don't need the sword's advice.

We're doing juvenile?

Let's do juvenile.


Before she can react, you flick her on the forehead.

She jumps a little, and you say "so, is your poor understanding of word choice and context why you ended up with that shit contract? Kids these days," you finish, and flop backward onto the other couch.

Some of the tension dissipates from the room, and you put your right arm around your daughter. She nestles into you.


"No, I'm not here to listen to you audition for Madam of the World's Second Most Fucked Up Brothel," you tell her, "and that role's not gonna win you any Oscars, anyway."

"I," you tell her, gesturing forward with your left hand, "am here to make a BUSINESS proposition. I'm an accountant, right? And you kids are over your heads in a debt that is going to kill you, or worse."

You see motion near your outstretched left hand. It's Freebles, with a cigarette and lighter in his little paws.

Where the hell did he get those? you wonder, taking the smoke reflexively. The ferret clambers into your lap to light it for you, and you take a puff.

Wait. You just played into the little rodent's yakuza idea a little harder, didn't you?

...What the hell.


The smoke drifts upward, as the girls' eyes fixate on you. Universes, black pits, blue fires, red gemstones, and your daughter's lovely wide pair. She obviously got them from her mother.

So this is how you get their attention, huh?


"I figured I'd come talk the idea over with you, and do the courtesy of doing it at your place," you tell Mary, who's looking at you with unreadable, but interested, eyes. Apparently, you've managed to speak her language, "instead of waiting until you're at my table with a wizard and an assassin. And you know why those guys are gonna be there?" you ask her, gesturing with the cigarette for emphasis.

"Because their daughters are in this fix too," you tell her, and take another drag, "and they want to break this cycle."

>>2650247
>your daughter's lovely wide pair.
SHE'S YOUR DAUGHTER, PAL!

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>>2650247
"THE BATTLE FLOWS IN YOUR FAVOR," the sword says, "STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT - ISSUE A COMMAND TO HER RETAINERS. SEE IF THEY OBEY YOU WITHOUT LOOKING TO HER"

>Sue, open a window to let out the smoke
>So, ready to listen now, Mary? Had enough of the cheap insults?
>I want you all - I want to rescue you
>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?
>WRITE IN

>>2650252
Don't you mean
>OH MY GOD! YOU'RE HER DAD!

>>2650253
>>I want you all - I want to rescue you

>>2650253
>Harriet, open a window to let out the smoke please?
Sure is a bit too obvious and Harriet is smart enough to pick up on what we're doing.

>>2650253
>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?

>>2650253
>I want you all - I want to rescue you
>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?

>>2650254
>God damn it DAD I'm your DAUGHTER.....not that I mind *blush*

>>2650253
>Harriet, open a window to let out the smoke
>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?

>>2650247
>I want you all - I want to rescue you

>>2650253
>I want you all - I want to rescue you
>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?

She saw us go after a demon with a shotgun, get bodied, and keep on going.

Clearly, we don't back down.

>>2650253
>Sue, open a window to let out the smoke
>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?

>>2650258
21:27 - 21:37 Voting period.

Jesus, an hour between posts? My timing is slipping.

>>2650252
>>2650254
Hey, you can notice someone looks good without wanting to fuck them.

...And he does imply that he's thinking that because of his wife's eyes.

>>2650189
My father once told me "a house has no hidden perfections".

At least you're not dealing with a half aluminum wiring job from the 50s.

HOLY SHIT UNDER THE TUB? That guy trusts caulk a lot more than I do.

Jesus, good luck getting that place together.

>>2650253
>Harriet, open a window to let out the smoke please?
>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?

I want to let you all know that I love you.
And that this is totally isn't playing in the background while we're setting the deal down for Mary to comprehend.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4b1wt3-zpzQ
I can't be the only one who's got their own tunes playin in the background to this quest.

>>2650253
>>Sue, open a window to let out the smoke

With The Most Serious Dad Face we can muster:
>>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?

(Gentlemen, I dare say we just came into our own as Yakuza Dad thanks to the rodent.)

>>2650282
I'm down with being Yakuza Dad. we just gotta be the dope as fuck version. Actual honor, protect our turf and those in it. This freaky world is fucked and basically lawless, let's enforce our own order.

At some point please remind that we need to have the kanana a drip of sake for him.... he deserves it too.

>>2650281
You are most definitely not the only one with tunes, Anon. Although, I've been listening to the RWBY soundtrack lately, so not quite as appropriate. Let me break out the 60-70s Japanese funk.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TA9LVzuC7z4

>>2650287
Wholeheartedly agree, Wholesome Yakuza Dad all the way.

See Captcha, I don't mind when you ask me to identify Vehicles. Its when you ask for Cars and only give me Trucks that bothers me.

>>2650290
True. Though, I think at some point we're gonna need to seriously consider giving TYB to Sue. They seemed to get along quite well, as much as I love getting feudal-era advice.

Also, I'm quite amused to see my brothel comment made it into actual dialogue, QM. Many thanks.

So we are going Yakuza Good Dad when it comes to things like managing people and Doomguy Dad when it comes to fighting.
In other words, our stance seems to be “if you’re with us I will support you and make sure to get you to a better position, but if you’re actively against us and a threat then you get a face full of gun.”
Badass.

>>2650287
>>2650282
Nah man.

We're true blood American.

>>2650299
>implying we won't be the great peacemaker of the planet to deal with the absolute fuckery that is the rats.

>>2650300
We are General Patton in the flesh were we rain down magical missiles in air and have a massive fuck you wave on ground with TT and Edwards.

>>2650297
Maybe accidental Yak daddy, we ain't getting a tattoo though. We are totally going to get a tattoo by magical fuckery.

>>2650312
No anon we are a Demon Lord descendant

>>2650253
>Harriet, open a window to let out the smoke please?
>So, ready to listen now, Mary? Had enough of the cheap insults?

>>2650312
I wonder if we could get a magical tattoo or something similar that would enhance our durability.

Captcha WTF are you doing? I'm not a bot. Stop giving me codes.

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>>2650314
Yo Buddy, Still Alive?

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>>2650314
K

>>2650331
Outstanding.

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>>2650253
Seems like decent advice, but you can't quite decide on who to ask.

"Someone," you say, leaving it up to fate, "crack a window for the smoke, hey?"

To your surprise, it's Karen who flits toward a window in a flurry of red hair.

"THAT IS IT," the sword whispers into your mind, "SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS DOUBTFUL, AND SHE WAS THE ONE WHO RAN TO DO YOUR BIDDING. YOU HAVE WON. YOU MAY DEMAND SURRENDER - RICE FOR YOUR STOREHOUSES, WOMEN FOR YOUR SOLDIERS, THE PRECIOUS THINGS OF THE HOUSE FOR YOUR OWN. BUT TAKE NOTHING FROM THE SHRINES, AND NOTHING THAT IS DEDICATED TO AN ANCESTOR OR A GOD..."

You tune out the sword's list of how to plunder a Warring States' warlord, and stare Mary dead in the eyes.

"Did you think I was all talk when I said I'd break the cycle, Mary?" you ask.

"Yeah," she breathes, "but Christ, you're playing this game like you've been in since you were a kid."

"Maybe I have been," you tell her, taking another puff, "you kids might be tough, and pretty smart, and I respect the hell out of what you've gone through. I can't imagine what your life's been like."

"But," you say, leaning over the table between the couches, "your contracts are terrible. I'm going to do what I can to change that. And nobody in on this has the full story."

"What's the first thing you do to someone when you're going to abuse them?" you ask her.


The question hangs in the air like the lazy gray smoke from your lips.

"You isolate them," you tell her, "you cut them off from anyone who could help them. You make them think that if they went for help, it would be even worse. Unfortunately, that's got a ring of truth for you guys. But that's only a ring, not the real thing. You know why you're told to stay away from wizards? Because they might be able to free you from the control the rats have over you."

"So," you ask, "want to give T.T. safe passage for tomorrow night? It's why I invited him, after all."

...Then she does the last thing you'd expected.

She gets up off her couch, and kneels, KNEELS before you.

It's like something off a Conan book cover - a girl in each arm, a kneeling foe...

WAIT.

How the hell did Sue get up against your left side without you noticing?

"What oath do you want me to swear?" Mary asks you.

>The yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother - Freebles, you want to get the stuff ready?
>I don't want you to swear
>Fealty as a feudal lord under me
>WRITE IN

>>2650344
WE FULL FAN FICTION LEVELS NOW

WE GOING FULL YAKUZA

>>2650344
>I don't want you to swear, I want you to be free.
>But if you insist, then the yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother

>>2650344
>>Fealty as a feudal lord under me
SHOTGUNSHOGUN

>>2650344
>The yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother - Freebles, you want to get the stuff ready?
It ain't broke and we've always been in this for family, why not grow it a little?
Dad Zaibatsu!

>>2650344
>>WRITE IN
No oath. Just a promise.

Promise me that when I'm on my deathbed, the last things I see are you girls, happy and smiling, with families and loved ones by each of your sides.

>>2650344
>The yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother - Freebles, you want to get the stuff ready?
While I would love the Fealty choice i feel that it would leave a sence of resentment in mary and make her feel like she is under use. Thou she is regardless it will work better if she doesn't think she is

>>2650358
This! This is great!

>>2650344
>>The yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother - Freebles, you want to get the stuff ready?
I just want y'all to know, I'm very sorry for this.

>>2650358
>Promise me that when I'm on my deathbed, the last things I see are you girls, happy and smiling, with families and loved ones by each of your sides.
I also like this a LOT.

>>2650344
>>2650353
Supporting, don't force her to swear any oath. But give her the option if she feels like she wants to.

>>2650358
>>2650344
This too. It's too sappy to not be included. It's our literal end game.