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>Bang, you're Sinchu Tetsu baby!

"Why are we sneaking around again?" Kakashi asks you as the two of you, dressed up as two sexy ass bushes, sneak around the outside of Tsunade's clinic. "Or is this just an excuse to catch Tsunade changing."

You turn around, the bush disguise you're using shaking a bit as you shake your head. "Now Kakashi, you know me better than that..." You blink, and you can just tell the white haired fuck is tilting his head. "Okay so, you knew the old me, but the new Sinchu isn't one to just sneak around, hoping to catch a sight of the biggest titties in all the Land of Fire, new Sinchu is an adult."

"...so again, why are we sneaking around?" Kakashi asks again. Wait, did you just hear the sound of a page being turned? Is he still reading that fucking book right now?!

You sigh. "We're gonna' see how freakin' good Shizune is at her job, but I don't want her to know we're watching her, so we're gonna' sneak into the clinic-"

"Dressed as bushes." Kakashi interrupts.

"-dressed as bushes, yes asshole, and we're gonna' watch her do her thing."

"...why not, you know, just ask her to show us?"

>A. "Oh Kakashi, stupid stupid Kakashi, that's not how things work."
>B. "Okay raise of hands, who here trained with Jiraiya and is Nart's favorite big bro-Kakashi put your fucking hand down right now."
>C. "Because I said so."
>D. "Fine, fuck it! We'll just go and ask her since you hate fun so much. This is why Naruto doesn't like you."
>E. Write-in

>>2577039
>A. "Oh Kakashi, stupid stupid Kakashi, that's not how things work."
First for killing Temari

>>2577039
>A

>>2577039

>A. "Oh Kakashi, stupid stupid Kakashi, that's not how things work."

>>2577045

Get outta here Dig, your blind hatred of a waifu is shameful

>>2577039
>E. Swap the bushes for cardboard boxes to be less noticeable.

>>2577039
>E "oh yea dressed as a bush, thatll go so well. dumbass"

A wins writing.
Actually go ahead and roll me some 1d5's for level of lewdness. If the combined roll get over 20 I'll give ya' something really good. But if they're under 10 get ready for horror.

Rolled 4 (1d5)

>>2577079

Rolled 1 (1d5)

>>2577079

Rolled 5 (1d5)

>>2577079

Rolled 4 (1d5)

>>2577079
Boop

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>2577079
Is 4chan lagging for anyone else?

Rolled 2 (1d5)

>>2577079

>>2577100

Not really, no.

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You sigh, shaking your head as you chuckle a bit. "Oh Kakashi, stupid stupid Kakashi. That's just not how things work." You say, ignoring the intense hatred pouring off of the man-bush in front of you. "Now shut up and come on, we've got some spyin' to do."

"This is completely idiotic." Kakashi sighs, but follows you nonetheless. Pretty soon the two of you have sneaked into the clinic, nobody noticing you in your foolproof disguises. "How is this even working?"

"Oh, it isn't." You explain. "I just hit ya' with a Genjutsu when ya' looked over Jiraiya's manuscripts and you've just been thinking that we're both sneaking around in bushes when in fact we're both walking around normal like and shit." You grin, watching Kakashi's one eye twitch as you both head over to Shizune's office, the one right beside Tsunade's. "Knock knock." You say, opening the door and immediately shutting it after you catch a glimpse of bare Shizune ass. "Ooops."

A loud shriek can be heard form within as well as the sounds of several things being knocked over. Kakashi stares at you. "What did you see?"

"...stuff." You answer, pulling at your collar. "I'm sure this is fine tho-"

Immediately the door to Tsunade's office bursts...well off the hinges, slamming into the wall across from it as Tsunade bursts out, cracking her knuckles as she looks around. "Shizune, you alright!? Was it another rat?" Tsunade stops once she sees you, her face turning into a frown. "Oh look, perverts."

>A. "Hah, here that Kakashi, she called ya' a perver-HEY WAIT A MINUTE!"
>B. "Oh hey lady Tsunade, you look lovely today."
>C. "We're here on official business, and I totally didn't see your assistants ass just now."
>D. "Kakashi did it."
>E. Write-in

>>2577112

>D. "Kakashi did it."

It's Kakashi's fault 90% of the time, all the time

>>2577112
"No, I'm a FORMER pervert. So there's just me and the pervert. Oh, and we need Shizune for a mission."

>>2577112
>B

>>2577112
>D

>>2577112
>>C. "We're here on official business, and I totally didn't see your assistants ass just now."

>>2577112
>B. "Oh hey lady Tsunade, you look lovely today."

>>2577112
>B

B wins. Time to lay on the charm.
1d100
DC 2__

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>2577142
Hey Moon! How's your day been?

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>>2577142

>2

Moon you're scaring me here

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>2577142

Rolled 97 (1d100)

>>2577142
The twin rolls keep coming

>>2577145
Pretty good, just enjoyin' life.
>>2577146
What's wrong Chaos, all you have to do is not roll under a 2....

Rolled 82 (1d100)

>>2577142

97'll do it.
Writing.
Also now I get to post happy Tsunade pics.

>>2577150

I'm paranoid is all. Plus I've been used to the high as shit DCs, still low DCs are also welome

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Welp, time to put on the smooth criminal inside of you before Tsunade turns you into ninja paste. You flash her your trademark smile, before finishing her off with a double dose of finger guns! Bang bang! "Why Lady Tsunade, you're looking lovely today."

Whatever anger Tsunade had to wards you immediately disappears as she grins, placing a hand on her hips and nodding her head. "I am pretty hot aren't I?" She says, walking to wards you suddenly.

DON!

Tsunade slams her hand over the wall, pinning you to it without actually touching you. Well she touched your heart but that doesn't count. "Tryin' to put the moves on me are ya'?"

Oh god you weren't prepared for a horny Tsunade. How do you play this? Smooth? Serious? Insulting. Like you know she's Jiraiya's age but still, those tits are the bomb! "Uhhhhhh." Is all you can say, shrugging.

Tsunade smirks, apparently your reaction the one she was looking for, before leaning back and patting you on the head. "Eh, maybe some other time. Now stop spyin' on my assistant and tell me why you're here?"

>A. "We're on a mission, and I need Shizune for it."
>B. "Classified."
>C. "Wait seriously, another time for real?"
>D. Write-in

>>2577170

>A. "We're on a mission, and I need Shizune for it."

>>2577170
>A. "We're on a mission, and I need Shizune for it."

>>2577170
>A

>>2577170
>>A. "We're on a mission, and I need Shizune for it."

>D. After we recruit Shizune, tell Tsunade that we'll come see her after the mission, wink, then walk off.

>>2577170
>A

A wins it. Writing.
Also let's get this one out of the way real quick, who do you want to visit next?
>A. Yamato
>B. Ko

>>2577211
>>B. Ko

>>2577211
Yamato

>>2577211
>A. Yamato

>>2577211

>A. Yamato

>>2577211
>Ko

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"We're on a mission-"

"From god?" Tsunade asks.


"What? No." Is she referencing something? Whatever. "We're gonna' infiltrate Amegakure, can't tell ya' anymore." You say, crossing your arms. At that point Shizune finally comes out, looking flustered. She won't even meet your gaze. "Oh hey Shizune. Guess what?"

SMACK!

"KNOCK NEXT TIME!" She shouts as you rub the sore spot on your face.

"Yeah right, anyways we're recruiting you for a mission, and by recruiting I mean you have no choice in the matter and probably will be inconvenienced heavily by it." You pause. "On the bright side you get to visit Amegakure."

"Wha-but I don't wanna-" Shizune starts to complain, then just sighs and slumps her shoulders. "Fine. When are we leaving?"

"Probably before the end of the day." You check your watch, noting that it's already well past noon. "You were the first one we picked up for the group. Still got Yamato and...Ko to find." You frown at that fuckers name. "Come on, we'll explain the mission on the way."

"Who are we going to go get next?" Shizune asks.

---One explanation later---

"The old ROOT headquarters," Kakashi says as the three of you stand outside of one of the buildings in Konoha's lower parts. "Still looks messed up from the last time I was down here."

"What happened the last time you were here?" Shizune asks.

"...stuff." Kakashi answers, digging his nose right back into the novel.

>A. "Right well, let's head on in then right?"
>B. "HEY YAMATO! WE'RE HERE FOR YA'!"
>C. "So does this place have a password or something I should know about?"
>D. Write-in

>>2577238
>B. "HEY YAMATO! WE'RE HERE FOR YA'!"

>>2577238
>>C. "So does this place have a password or something I should know about?"

>>2577238

>A. "Right well, let's head on in then right?"

>>2577238
>C

>>2577238
>>C.

>>2577238
>>D. Write-in
Throw Kakashi into the building. He's been there before so he'll know about any traps and stuff.

C it is.
Now roll me 1d100
DC is...secret. But it's more than 50.

Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>2577282

Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>2577282

Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>2577282

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>2577282

Well alright then

Well ya' passed. Writing.

>>2577286
When did Sinchu turned into Hiki?

>>2577303

Timeskips can change someone boyo

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"So does this place have a password or something? Maybe a secret knock?" You're kind of hoping it has a secret knock. You bet you could guess it in three, no two tries!

Kakashi shrugs. "I don't know, it's been close to five years since I've been down here. Last time it with Danzo himself."

Shizune frowns. "Why would you be down here with Danzo of all people?"

"Yeah Kakashi," You say, leaning in a bit closer. "Why?"

He shoves you away. "He wanted to recruit me, and I used the opportunity to gather some information about him. Nothing more." You eyeball him, watching as he steps forward, placing a hand on the giant door in front of you all. "Now then, last time he pressed his hand somewhere around here..."

While that's going on you begin to feel the strangest feeling on the back of your neck, almost like... "Bugs...BUGS!" You immediately iron up your whole body, unable to stop yourself from shaking as you feel thousands of tiny little insects crawling all over you. Of course no sooner do you do that do the bugs start to retreat, climbing up the walls and returning to...some creepy fuck watching you from the rafters. "HEY! The fuck you do that for?!"

Torune looks down at you, shrugging. "Had to make sure you were who you look like." He jumps down, landing in front of you and Shizune as Kakashi still messes with the door. "And you are, you're Sinchu Tetsu. You're kind of famous."

You smirk. "Yeah, I figured I'd be-"

"You're the guy who got fired from Anbu and then somehow became Jiraiya's apprentice." He says, cutting you off. You frown. Asshole. "Hmmm."

"What?" You ask, noticing the way he's staring at you. "You like what you see or something?"

"Well it's just...you don't look nearly as incompetent as Hotaru said you'd be."

>A. "Oh yeah how's that bitch doing? Still stabbin' hearts?"
>B. "...How incompetent did she say I was?"
>C. "I ain't seen her in like three years, people change. For instance she might not be a cunt anymore."
>D. Go in a corner and cry.
>E. "Yeah well....KAKASHI IS THE FUCKING DOOR READY?!"
>F. Write-in

>>2577312
>F. Write-in
Say nothing. Emotionless stare.

>>2577312
>>C. "I ain't seen her in like three years, people change. For instance she might not be a cunt anymore."

>>2577312

>C. "I ain't seen her in like three years, people change. For instance she might not be a cunt anymore."

>>2577312
>C. "I ain't seen her in like three years, people change. For instance she might not be a cunt anymore."
Disregard bugpuss, acquire scooterpuss.

>>2577312
>F. Write-in: "Hota-who? Who is that? Can't remeber that name."

Bitches hate to be forgotten.

>>2577312
>B. "...How incompetent did she say I was?"

>>2577330

>Scooterpuss

Miss me with that shit, lavapuss for Sinchu

C it is.

Hope you guys are ready to see how Susumu has changed ROOT, I mean STEM.

>>2577336
who is that again?

>>2577340

Kurosutchi. Granddaughter of he Tsuchikage

>>2577340
Who Scooterpuss or lavapuss?

>>2577341
Don't they hate the leaf? And has he even met her?

>>2577341
i want boilpuss (mizukage)

>>2577349

Just planning ahead here. That and Moon's on my side for lavapuss and Sinchu

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"Pffft, I ain't seen her in like three years, people change. For instance, she might not be a massive cunt anymore." You let your anger overflow a bit, teeth grinding as the image of that woman still flashes through your head. Obsessive? Who the fuck's obsessive. "Now then, you gonna' let us into ROOT or what?"

"No." Torune says. You're about to strangle the fucker when he holds up a hand. "We're not ROOT anymore, we're STEM. Master Susumu fixed things." With that he begins walking off, snapping his fingers and forcing the doors to open much to Kakashi's surprise.

"...Master Susumu?" You shake your head, following after the bug boy with Shizune and Kakashi right behind you. Once inside, all you can do is gape. "You guys have a fucking pool table?!"

"Yes." Torune says, walking the rest of you around as he shows off the digs. "Over in that corner we have the air hockey, then we've got some skeetball over there, there's a bar that's full stocked, and sometimes if we're a bit tired we'll take some naps on the bean bags over in the corner with the band Ninja WHAM! playing."

"Shit you guys got it way better than Anbu did." You say as Careless Whisper plays off in the corner. "All we had was a couple chairs and some cards."

"This can't be what it looked like before, can it?" Kakashi asks, probably feeling the same thing you're feeling given that you're both ex Anbu.

Torune shakes his head. "No, this is thanks to Master Susumu. Like I said, he fixed things."

>A. "Yeah you keep saying that, what does "Fixed" mean here?"
>B. "Hey Kakashi wanna' play some pool?"
>C. "That fucker won't let me install a goddamn neon sign in my room but he'll hook you up with a goddamn pool table?!"
>D. "Well, yeah he is a pretty cool dude."
>E. Write-in

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Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>2577354
Rolling for Scooterpuss.
>dat (b)ass

>>2577362
>C. "That fucker won't let me install a goddamn neon sign in my room but he'll hook you up with a goddamn pool table?!"

>>2577362
>A. "Yeah you keep saying that, what does "Fixed" mean here?"

>>2577362

>A. "Yeah you keep saying that, what does "Fixed" mean here?"

>>2577368

Save the rolls for later

>>2577362
>>B. "Hey Kakashi wanna' play some pool?"

>>2577362
>A

A it is.
1d100. DC's are 60 and 93.
Good luck with that shit.

Rolled 16 (1d100)

>>2577391

Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>2577391
I think I can.

Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>2577391

Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>2577391

Rolled 19 (1d100)

>>2577391
You guys all suck. CHECK MY ONE!

Well, we can't always figure out everything right off the bat now then.

Writing.

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"Yeah you keep saying that, what does "Fixed" mean here?" You ask.

Torune is about to answer, then stops. He seems to be biting the inside of his cheek for a moment before nodding. "Back when Danzo was in charge, I used to think his way of doing things was for the best. The lives of many outweigh the lives of the few. It didn't matter who got hurt so long as the Village survived."

"A lot of us thought that way." A red haired man appears, he reminds you a lot of Inoichi. "Name's Fu, I was recruited," He does little air quotes. "By Danzo when I was a child, just like Torune here was. Then Master Susumu killed Danzo, and took over operations here."

"Yeah, but how or what did he do exactly to make things better? Besides the sweet skeetball I mean." You ask.

Torune sighs. "We're actually helping Konoha now instead of just lurking in the shadows. Look, you said you were here for Yamato right?" You nod. "Okay, he'll be in the cages then."

"...cages?" You ask, following after Torune and Fu.

Fu nods. "Sometimes we find powerful beasts out in the wild, and bring them back here to act as aid in our battle to protect Konoha. It was Master Susumu's idea." Well that makes sense, fucker loves those bears of his so much you'd think they were his children. All of you descend further down into the STEM headquarters, before passing through a pair of doors into a room full of prison cells and cages. Some of the cells, as you pass them by, are occupied by giant beasts. A red maned lion with giant claws, an iguana that's at least twice your size and covered in spikes, all sorts of creatures. Although they're all resting peacefully by the looks of things.

Further down you can see a domed in area, several other STEM members looking down into it, watching quietly. You step forward, looking down as well and seeing Yamato, shirtless, circling the dome's floor while a big ol' scorpion faces him on the other side. "That fuckin' thing has to be at least twelve feet long!" You gasp.

Torune nods. "Yamato found it out in the desert while on an a mission, decided to bring it back."

"And right now he's busy taming it, making it useful for Konoha." Fu adds.

>A. Watch, see what happens.
>B. "Hey Yamato, hurry the fuck up so we can get on out of here yeah?"
>C. "Pfft, I mean it's cool, but my Nerscy's way cooler. Like, five times cooler at least."
>D. "How often do you guys do this?"
>E. Write-in

>>2577442

>D. "How often do you guys do this?"

>>2577442
>C. "Pfft, I mean it's cool, but my Nerscy's way cooler. Like, five times cooler at least."

>>2577442
>C

>>2577442
>C
>D
>E. "Why do i have the strange felling that Hiki would love to have a scorpion as his summon."

>>2577455
>

>>2577442
>>E. Write-in
Scorpions are arachnids, right. Summon Nercy to give Yamato tips on taming him.

Or maybe Nercy will seduce the scorpion into helping the village.

>>2577464
Who says the scorpions a girl?
Or is that what you REALLY wanted anon, huh, some hot arachnid yuri fappin'?!

Rolled 2, 2, 2, 2, 1, 2, 2, 2, 1, 2 = 18 (10d2)

Alright then, rollin' to see how well Yamato's doing.
1's are bad, 2's are good.

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>>2577467

>>2577475
Fuck, he's got this in the bag.

Writing. C and D won.

>>2577475
Uh...did you fucked up Moon?

>>2577475
Damn, Yamato knows his shit.

>>2577467
No I thought the scorpion was a dude and Nercy deserves a boyfriend that would appreciate her.

>>2577479
>not writting E.

BOOOO i booo you Moon!!

>>2577493
That's cause you spelled dragons wrong silly.

>>2577488
Anon...scorpions and spiders don't date with each other.

>>2577498
Dragons are for Taka. Scorpions are for Hiki.

Give me a minute here I'm trying to find some fuckin' kawaii eyes for this goddamn scorpion.

>>2577500
Well that may be true for normal spiders and scorpions, but it might not be for GIANT spiders and scorpions.

>>2577498

I see you're a man of taste as well

>>2577503

Nah anon, Taka gets tigers and Hiki gets dragons

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>>2577510
I even have the perfect picture for Hiki's first dragon summon.

>>2577523
Wrong kind of dragon for this setting.

>>2577523

That knight looks as disappointed as I am

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You cross your arms, scoffing a bit. "Well, I mean it's cool and all, but Nerscy's way cooler. Like, five times cooler at least." You lean in closer to Fu and Torune, the two of them trying to back away but you just wrap them up in your arms. "Nerscy's my giant spider."

"We know." Torune answers. "Master Susumu told us all about you."

"Nothing but good things I bet." You say, leaning forward some more and watching Yamato do his work. Wait, does that scorpion have glasses? Eh, whatever. "So how often do you guys do this sort of thing? Training giant and dangerous beasts I mean?"

"Often," Fu says. "Aside from helping protect Konoha, they're also good therapy creatures. Many of us weren't sure what to do when Danzo left, and even after Master Susumu took over a few were still unsure of their path. The animals help give them a purpose."

"Oh...well that's nice." You say, adjusting the collar of your shirt. Sure doesn't feel awkward in here now. You keep an eye on Yamato as he deals with the scorpion.

"Alright girl, now I just need you to...roll over." Yamato says, slowly.

"...hmmph, okay." The scorpion says, rolling onto her back with her tummy exposed. "But it's only because I want to. Dummy."

Yamato smiles. "Good girl, who wants a pat." Yamato leans forward, patting the scorpion on her stomach as she wriggles.

"N-Not in front of everyone baka! Dummy!" The frowns, can scorpions do that, but doesn't really move away.

"Well, what do you think?" Fu asks, after you're down tilting your head in...well you're just confused.

>A. "Yo is it just me or is that scorpion Tsundere?"
>B. "Just like one of my anime's."
>C. "I have no words."
>D. "Yo Yamato, stop playin' around and get ya' ass up here!"
>E. Write-in

>>2577556

>C. "I have no words."

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>>2577533
Hiki's dragon would wear that thing like a SCARF.
>>2577556
>>A. "Yo is it just me or is that scorpion Tsundere?"
>>B. "Just like one of my anime's."

>>2577556
>>A. "Yo is it just me or is that scorpion Tsundere?"

"Looks like Nercy has a new lady friend!"
Then summon Nercy to chill with Scorpie while we talk with Yamato."

>>2577556
>>C. "I have no words."

>>2577556
>A. "Yo is it just me or is that scorpion Tsundere?"
>B. "Just like one of my anime's."
The japanese ones.

ABC wins it.

Gonna' be last post for the night. Hope ya'll have been havin' fun.

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"I have no words." You say. "Oh no wait, yes I do." You point down to the scorpion. "So is it just me, or is that scorpion tsundere as fuck?" You ask.

"Tsundere?" Shizune asks, tilting her head. "What's that."

"You know, tsundere, like in the anime's." They all just stare at you. "Oh fuck all of you, you're telling me not one single person here watches anime?" More stares. "Well...you're no longer invited to my birthday party then." You frown, crossing your arms as Yamato jumps out of the pit...still shirtless and landing in front of you. "Nice abs." You say, poking Yamato in his abs before he smacks your hand away.

"Stop that. So you needed my help Kakashi?" Yamato asks.

Kakashi blinks. "Actually it was Sinchu here who needs your help. He's the one in charge of the mission."

Yamato blinks, turning to face you as Shizune just keeps on starin' at those abs. "You're in charge?" He asks, and you nod. Yamato frowns. "I can't accept that." He steps forward, hands on his hips as he eyeballs you. "Sinchu Tetsu, I'm challenging you for the leadership position of this mission."

>END
>Hope you all enjoyed that. Next session we'll have ourselves a good old fashioned rumble with Yamato and Sinchu.
>Any questions?

>>2577609
Thanks for the run Moon! I'd really like Sinchu to just say denied, hokages orders. Though that wouldn't be nearly as fun as tooling on him.

>>2577616
I think it might be funnier

>>2577616
Old Sinchu would get enraged and go for the fight. New Sinchu can just shrug and say "Ok, then you're off the mission. I've got others to fill your slot who aren't insubordinate and incapable of following the Hokage's orders."

>>2577488
She already has sinchu tho

>>2577644
I have to agree with this
>Sinchu I CHALLENGE YOU FOR LEADERSHIP
>dun dun dun
>Sinchu: pfft, no
>what, but-
>s:We're ninjas, not samurai, we were assigned our roles, and I'm the one with the most extensive knowledge and experience dealing with the akatsuki. Now put on a shirt numbnuts.

>>2578047
And if he continues to be a sandy vagina, replace him with Kotaru.

>>2577650
Pretty much

>>2578047
>"Sinchu i challenge you for a duel!"
>"kotowaru!"
> "wait what?"
>"I said i refuse your challenge."

Late night session, get ready.

>>2581514
Awesome

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>We back

You just sort of stare at Yamato, in all his shirtless glory, for a few seconds before bursting out into laughter, causing the other Shinobi to stare at you in confusion. "What?" Yamato asks, frowning a bit. "You think this is a joke? I'm challe-"

"Bitch I don't care what you're doing." You interrupt him, placing a finger over his lips. "We're shinobi, not samurai, it don't matter if you don't like that I'm leadin' this mission, I'm the one the Hokage decided on and that's your fuckin' issue to deal with. Don't like it? I can just find some other ninja willin' to follow orders."

"I...you...huh?" Yamato can't even seem to comprehend the shit he just stepped in.

"Now put on a damn shirt and get ready to move out, or I'll replace your ass with Ebisu." You lean in close to Kakashi, whispering. "Not really though."

Yamato just stands there, head down and shoulders slumped, before sighing and going to put a shirt and flak jacket on. "I'm ready." He says, dejectedly.

"Awesome, that means all we gotta' go get is..." You frown.

"Who?" Yamato asks. "Who's left?"

"Ko Hyuga." Kakashi answers for you. "Him and Sinchu have a...interesting relationship."

"Hotaru chose Ko over Sinchu because Ko was less childish." Torune says, munching on some delicious smelling popcorn.

>A. "My love life is not why we're here people. Now move the fuck on."
>B. "She's a whore! Your cousin's a whore!"
>C. "You know what, I ain't even that mad any more. Not like the two of us were even dating, and it's not like I'm some creep that thanks I should've at least gotten a handy-j for helpin' bring in her brothers murderer."
>D. "Shut up Torune."
>E. Write-in

>>2581541
>>D. "Shut up Torune."

>>2581541
>A. "My love life is not why we're here people. Now move the fuck on."

>>2581541

Oh god Yamato there looks terrifying


>C. "You know what, I ain't even that mad any more. Not like the two of us were even dating, and it's not like I'm some creep that thanks I should've at least gotten a handy-j for helpin' bring in her brothers murderer."
>E. "Besides, she probably had NAIDS"

>>2581541
>>C. "You know what, I ain't even that mad any more. Not like the two of us were even dating, and it's not like I'm some creep that thanks I should've at least gotten a handy-j for helpin' bring in her brothers murderer."

Rolled 45, 58, 8, 86, 94 = 291 (5d100)

C wins it.

Hmmm.
Let's see how Gally is doing right now.

Rolled 34, 3, 58, 74, 39 = 208 (5d100)

>>2581566
Pretty good, now let's check up on how the fight with Sasori is going.
First up Kankuro

Rolled 88, 50, 19, 51, 53 = 261 (5d100)

>>2581567
Eh, could be worse I suppose. Next up Chiyo

Rolled 25, 25, 96, 19, 15 = 180 (5d100)

>>2581570
Good. And now best Sand boy Gaara.

>>2581572
Incredible. Alright writing.

Gaara sealed the deal with the funk.

>>2581566
>>2581567
>>2581570
>>2581572

Holy shit

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You take a deep breath, before slowly letting it out and grinning as you lean in closer to Torune, the Aburame trying to back up before you place a soft, yet firm hand on his shoulder. "You know what, I ain't even that mad any more. It's not like the two of us were even dating, and it's not like I'm some creep that thinks I should've at least gotten a handy-j for helpin' bring in her brothers murderer."

"...please stop touching me." Torune says after a moment.

"Yeah you wish." You stand up, brushing off your shirt before snapping your fingers at the entrance. "Alright lets bounce, sooner I get out of this place the sooner I can get drunk."

"Wha-" Kakashi starts.

"I mean do paperwork and become a valuable member of society."
---

"Auntie Anju?" You look ahead of you, spotting your red headed aunt just outside of the gates to the Hyuga compound and arguing with a couple of their guards. "The hell you doing here?"

"Sinchuuuu~!" She grabs hold of you with those way too strong arms of her and nearly crushes you in a hug, burying your face in her tits. Gross. "These assholes at the gate won't let me in even though I'm supposed to be helping the Hyuga Princess with her anger problems." She eyeballs the two guards, who just frown back at her.

"We already told you Tetsu, the Elder stated that you, specifically you, were not ever allowed back in the compound after what you did last time."

You frown. "What uh, did you do exactly?"

Anju frowns, twirling a bit of her hair as she looks away. "Oh you know...de...iled...ome....uga...girls."

"...I'm sorry, it sounded like you said you defiled some Hyuga girls." You say after a moment.

"Well, it's not my fault, they were super hot Sinchu!" Anju says, frowning as she places her hands on her hips. She then looks up, noticing Shizune finally. "Speaking of which, hello there cutie."

>A. "Ah! I need Shizune for a mission Auntie, go find some hookers to bang or something."
>B. (sarcastic)"RUN SHIZUNE! YOUR ASS IS ON THE LINE!"
>C. Ignore your horny aunt and go to the guards. "Hey so, that fucker Ko here or what? And before you start some shit know that your leader, and my boss, is lookin' for him too."
>D. Write-in

>>2581541
>C. "You know what, I ain't even that mad any more. Not like the two of us were even dating, and it's not like I'm some creep that thanks I should've at least gotten a handy-j for helpin' bring in her brothers murderer."
In the soul crushingly depressed voice that can only come from a man who is secretly still a virgin.

>>2581592
>>A. "Ah! I need Shizune for a mission Auntie, go find some hookers to bang or something."

>>2581592

>A. "Ah! I need Shizune for a mission Auntie, go find some hookers to bang or something."

>>2581592
>A. "Ah! I need Shizune for a mission Auntie, go find some hookers to bang or something."

>>2581592
>A. "Ah! I need Shizune for a mission Auntie, go find some hookers to bang or something."
>>2581596
You see this kids? This shit is why you make sure to refresh first when phoneposting! Don't be a dumbass like me! Always refresh before you hit post!
And now you know. And knowing is half the battle! The other half is violence. A man fires a sword for many years, and he goes to war, and afterward he believes he's finished with the sword. But no matter what else he might do with his hands— love a woman, build a house, change his son's diaper—his hands remember the sword and the power the sword proffered.

>>2581605
Wields. WIELDS a sword. Battin' a god damn thousand tonight.

A is the winner.
1d100!
DC 82 to stop your horny aunt! SAVE SHIZUNE!

Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>2581612
Maybe now that I'm home and desktop posting I'll stop fucking shit up!

Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>2581612

Ok

>>2581615
You're making me depressed than when I already was

Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>2581612

Oh and btw, Anju sounds like Peg from Goof Troop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dv5_ARwINi8

>>2581615
Clearly the desktop is superior to phone posting.

Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>2581612

>>2581622

For what reason?

>>2581628
Because you touch yourself at night. Alright then, ya' stopped ya' horny Aunt. GG.

Writing. And get ready for to possibly have an aneurysm coming up.

File: Baiken Sssssssssmokin'!.gif (2.68 MB, 416x449)

2.68 MB GIF

>>2581628
Because Moon is jealous of my smokin' hot waifu and had to attempt ruin her by making her sound like... that.

>>2581636

Why do I get the feeling you want to try the eyesocket?

File: Spoiler Image (89 KB, 1920x1080)

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Your aunt goes to...well do whatever it is she intends to do, to wards Shizune, before you step in between them and get your man pec squeezed for a second. "Ouch. Listen Auntie, I kinda' need Shizune here for a mission coming up, so you're gonna' have to keep those paws to yourself for now."

"For now?!" Shizune says indignantly.

You turn around to face Shizune. "Yeah for now, what you don't like my aunt? You some kind of homophobe? It's the current year Shizune, grow up." You leave Tsunade's assistant stuttering, unable to reply as you grin and face your aunt. "So like, you want some money for some hookers or...?"

"Pffft, please what do you take me for?" Anju says, waving you off as she walks away. "I'm just gonna' go visit the spa's and have the girls there give me a "Massage". Toodles!"

"...your aunt is very strange." Yamato says after a moment.

"Yeah she's great ain't she?" You smirk as you walk over to the guards, both of them frowning at you but moving aside nonetheless. They not the score. You head inside the Hyuga compound, and it smells like eyeballs right away. What do eyeballs smell like?Google it. Seriously it's super fucked up.. You spot Ko right away, talking to some fat chick by the fountains. "Hey Ko, we came by to...get...ya..."

Wait. That's no fat chick.

THAT'S HOTARU!

"Sinchu." Hotaru says, placing a hand over her huge ass belly. "I like the beard."

>A. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Point at stomach. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
>B. "...wow you got fat."
>C. 360 Moonwalk out of there.
>D. "Well I'm surprised."
>E. Ignore the giant ass elephant in the compound and just grab Ko and go before you say something horrible.
>F. Write-in

>>2581651

>C. 360 Moonwalk out of there.

Is it wrong I hope she miscarries?

>>2581651
>>E. Ignore the giant ass elephant in the compound and just grab Ko and go before you say something horrible.

>>2581660
Yes. Yes it is.

>>2581660
No, but only cause she is a terrible person.

>>2581663

Wrong

>>2581664

You are very much right

>>2581660
i hope she miscarries

>>2581668
Like seriously she ever proved herself not to be an utter bitch

>>2581647
That's just fucking disgusting and unsanitary, Chaos.
>>2581651
>B. "...wow you got fat."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zdCKPmpvo0&t=40s
>>2581660
Seriously dude, what is WRONG with you?

>>2581668
Though it is comforting knowing sinchu could kick both their asses

There is only one thing Shinchu can only do is some closure

>Hey Ko congratulations
>ignore Hotaru

>>2581679
Actually I like that

>>2581676

I use this to hide the depression I have

>>2581678

Ko and Hotaru? Hotaru and the baby?

>>2581679

Nah, it's when Ko dies

>>2581651
>C. 360 Moonwalk out of there.
While
>E. Ignore the giant ass elephant in the compound and just grab Ko and go before you say something horrible.

>>2581682
Yes
but Ko, and Hotaru

>>2581684

You had me quite concerned there

>>2581679
Stuck between this write-in and C.

Leavin' it open another 10 minutes to decide. After all maybe Sinchu didn't grow up that much after all.

>>2581679
So yeah Moon i like to do this
>Write-In
>Hey Ko congratulations
>E. Ignore the giant ass elephant in the compound and just grab Ko and go before you say something horrible.

>>2581651
So this is a death flag for Ko, right?

Oh well, wasn't expecting the tie to be broken that fast.

Uh, cool. Okay then, Sinchu can play it smooth right?
1d100
....Dc 56
>>2581688
....We'll see.

Rolled 60 (1d100)

>>2581690

>>2581688

Yes, but he isn't good unlike Asuma

>>2581690

I actually wanted to get Ko and go, not this shit

Rolled 49 (1d100)

>>2581690

>>2581660
Yes, jesus christ chaos

Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>2581694

Also, roll

Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>2581690

Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>2581690

Right ya' passed. Gonna' post then that's it for tonight. Sorry for the short session, it's just late here is all.

>>2581688
Yeah. This is some "I'm Scott Hall! My name is Scott Hall. Okay?" tier shit. Ko is now going to be murdered by a man with a godawful mullet and a partial tattoo of Icarus (seriously, when is he gonna get that damn thing finished up?).

>>2581711

>Ko is now going to be murdered by a man with a godawful mullet and a partial tattoo of Icarus

What the shit are you talking about?

File: uyLd6[1].jpg (41 KB, 567x800)

41 KB JPG

Staring at that big ol' belly is like staring into the void of space itself, as if god opened up the heavens and decided to flash his hairy asshole at you simply because you touched yourself that one time when you were six. You turn away from Hotaru, instead just grinning at Ko. "Well congratulations buddy." You wrap an arm around the Hyuga, already dragging his ass away while making sure not to look back at Hotaru. "Welp, time for us to be on our merry way."

"But-" He starts, but you silence him.

"Nope! Time. To. Go." You say, grinding your teeth with every word. Before long you, and the rest of your collected ensemble, have exited the Hyuga compound and are outside, where you finally let go of Ko and let out a sigh. "Alrigth then, let's go and meet up with Jiraiya before this day turns to shit."

Kakashi saddles up to ya', patting you on the back. "If you want my opinion, you handled that pretty well."

"Like a hot bowl of shit soup." You say, causing Kakashi to frown and back away. So Hotaru's pregnant, which means that she'll have a kid, or kids, which means that you'll end up seeing that kid or kids when they get older, and there's a distinct possible chance that those kids might manage to melt your cold dead heart....fuck!

"I'm Ko by the way." Ko says, introducing himself to Yamato as the two shake hands. You stare at Ko, the Hyuga bastard that he is. But the fucker is one more thing now. He's a fuckin' father, with children on the way.

You frown. New plan. Defeat the Akatsuki is still your main goal, but now you just made an addition to it.

Bring Ko back alive.

>END
>Hope you guys enjoyed that
>Any questions?

>>2581715
>>2581711
Venture Bros. Henchman One's name is Scott Hall, and he does all the typical henchman stereotypes that normally get them killed.

He's basically saying that Ko walked onto an episode of Star Trek wearing a red shirt.

>>2581723

>Bring Ko back alive.

I'm good

>>2581715
Samson, Brock. Born, Omaha Nebraska to a single mother. Half Swedish, quarter Polish, quarter Winnebago. Lost his virginity at fourteen, has one brother, and enjoys motocross. Wears a mullet, has a partially complete tattoo of Icarus due to being a huge Zepp fanboy, and collected enough Manboro miles to get the canoe before they shut down the promotion.
Slayer of men. Slayer of henchmen.
>>2581723
>Bring Ko back alive.
That man is so fucking dead. Like, partnering with Inspector Harry Callahan while receiving regular Vitamin D injections from Paul Kersey and wearing a red shirt aboard the USS Enterprise levels of DEAD.

Wasn't Kotaru one of the choices for the mission? Does that mean that Hyashi was willing to send a pregnant woman on a dangerous mission to infiltrate a terrorist organization?

>>2581782
Apparently

>>2581782
Well you know Hiashi is an asshole and always will be

>>2581782
Yes, she was.
Your QM is an idiot!

>>2581803
I blame Hiashi desu.

>>2581803
No, even Hiashi doesn't like her

>>2581803
>implying even hiashi likes evil backstabbing bitches.
A ho''s a ho m8.

>>2581750
>implying these death flags are for Ko.
>not realizing that Sinchu will probably die so Ko can have a family.
>yfw Sinchu Hyuga

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>>2582022
No.

>>2582032
Oh come on, Hiashi having to put up with a grandson named after Sinchu would be the ultimate revenge against the old moon(eye)cricket.

>>2582192
Lame

>>2582192
Sounds gay

>>2582192
Nah that is like double or triple lame.

>Sinchu saves Ko from certain death at the cost of an eye (he's sad at first but then realizes that he can get a kick-ass eye patch, bitches love eye patches. Just ask Aunt Anju)
>As thanks, Ko want's Sinchu to be his kid's godfather and name him
>While he's tempted to abuse this power and name their kid Chad Thundercock, he decides it would be better to name it after Hotaru's dead brother
>Then he fucks Tsunade

Beat that nerds.

>>2582718
>Then he fucks Haruko
ftfy

>>2582718
>Then he fucks Tsunade, and Shizune

Alright you fucks, time for another late night session. Who do you want to play as?
>A. Taka
>B. Hiki
>C. Suzu.

>>2584072
Just gonna' leave this open. Better to have a session tomorrow evening anyways.

>>2584072

>B. Hiki

Time to see how it goes

>>2582755

>Then he fucks Kurosutchi

FTFY, no need for further edits

>>2582192

Also that's lame as shit

>>2584072
>A. Taka

>>2584072
>B. Hiki

>>2584072
>B

>>2584072
>>A. Taka

>>2584072
>hiki

>>2584072
>C. Suzu

>>2584072
>taka

>>2584072
>>A. Taka

>>2584084
You're a bigger slut than Hotaru, cucking people like that.

>>2584072
>suzu

>>2584072
>>A. Taka

Rolled 1, 66, 54, 64, 54 = 239 (5d100)

Alright, Taka takes it home with five votes.

Now I need to see once more how Hiki's doing over at the Sand, and what kind of shit's gonna' happen with Deidara

Rolled 419 (1d2000)

>>2585119
....That's not good.
Casualty roll

Rolled 19, 93, 84, 70, 94 = 360 (5d100)

>>2585124
Fuuuuuuck.

Okay checking up on how your big sister is doing on her date

>>2585126
Well, she's having a wonderful time.

Okay then, get ready for a session in like, thirty minutes or so.

>>2585124
So suna just lost the same amount of ninjas that they would lose figthing konoha to Deidara.

File: commission__sovietborris_(...).png (299 KB, 800x800)

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>You are Taka
>...why do you feel like somebody bad just happened with Hiki?

"...and the most important thing to remember about keeping your equipment clean, always wipe off any excess grease or cleaning material you used on it." The instructor in front of you says, you and the rest of the class nodding as you clean the equipment laid out on the tables in front of you. It's basic stuff, kunai, shuriken, all the stuff a successful shinobi needs.

"Psst, hey Taka." You turn your head, looking down at the younger kid beside you, he couldn't be any older than 11. "You wanna' go catch some frogs with the rest of us after class?"

You grin, shaking your head. "Thanks but no, I've got a meeting with Lady Tsunade after this that I can't miss." The little boy frowns, obviously disappointed that you won't be able to catch toads with him. You ruffle his hair. "Maybe next time though." This boy wasn't the only kid in this class, actually the majority of the class was children, all of those who hadn't earned their Genin rank and were headbandless, like you. There were a few older, elder, Shinobi too, but they were the ones here mostly as a way to have something to do.

The door to the classroom slides open, and in walks Tsunade to interrupt the teacher, much to his chagrin. "I need to speak with Taka Tetsu."

"Can it wait? We're kind of in the middle of a very important lesson right now?" The teacher asks.

Tsunade rolls her eyes, scanning the classroom before she spots you and snaps her fingers. "Taka come on, there's some important stuff I need to talk with you about, and you're what fifteen? You've gotten plenty of practice polishing your tools by this point."

>A. Embarrassed look as you shuffle out of the class.
>B. "Okay. But you should probably apologize to the teacher for interrupting his class first."
>C. "Oh yeah, I polish my tools every morning!"
>D. Write-in

>>2585132
Pretty much.
That 1 pretty much sealed the deal. Luckily Rasa isn't dead, though he's incredibly pissed off about what happened obviously.

>>2585152
>D: Do as Lady Tsunade says, initiate maximum good boy.

>>2585152
>>A. Embarrassed look as you shuffle out of the class.
How dare she imply that Taka is any less than pure.

>>2585152
>C

>>2585152
>D you should polish my tools as well, lady tsunade

>B

>>2585152
this >>2585160

>>2585152
>D: Do as Lady Tsunade says, initiate maximum good boy.

Add some hype energetic comment and follow Tsunade nee-sama(i know she is way to old but Taka knows better then call her granny tsunade).

>>2585164
If you reconize the lewd you aren't pure.

>>2585177
>>2585171
>>2585160
>>2585173
D, do as Lady Tsunade says, wins.

This is kind of just a formality right now, but roll me some 1d5's, it'll determine where you're gonna' meet up with...well it's a surprise.
Taking second roll.
>1. Ichiraku
>2. Top of the Academy
>3. Tsunade's office
>4. On top of the Hokage Statues.
>5. At ??? and ???'s apartment.

>>2585155
>you feel like somebody bad
>somebody bad

You fucked up Moon.

Rolled 2 (1d5)

>>2585190

>>2585192
I mean, Deidara is somebody bad, and he just happened, soooo....

Rolled 5 (1d5)

>>2585190

>>2585198
Oh, I was hoping for this one.

Writing.

>>2585198
Yes!! Lucky roll~

>>2585195
You win this time moon. Guess that without Shizune, Taka is stuck helping Tsunade.

File: bg4T4HO[1].gif (1.2 MB, 480x360)

1.2 MB GIF

You hop up almost immediately, rushing over to Lady Tsunade at the door and bowing to the teacher before the two of you leave. "So what's so important that you need to interrupt the classroom Lady Tsunade?"

"Stop adding the Lady bit every time you say my name, it's like your my vizier or something." Tsunade says, shaking her head.

You hum to your self for a moment, trying to come up with a better way to address Tsunade with the respect she deserves, but not in a way that annoys her. "Um, Tsunade Nee-San?"

Tsunade grins, nodding her head. "Yes, yes that will do."

"Okay so, what's so important then Nee-San?" You can see Tsunade's grin grow wider every time you call her that.

"Hokage, Sarutobi, I, and a few others decided that you've gone through enough preparations that we're making you a Genin." You can feel your heart stop, from all the excitement! "And we're putting you on a team. That's who we're going to meet up with, the other two members of your team."

>A. "Who are they? Do I know them?"
>B. "Who's going to be the one in charge of the team?"
>C. Give Tsunade a big ol' hug...
>D. Write-in

>>2585219
>>A. "Who are they? Do I know them?"

>>2585219

>A. "Who are they? Do I know them?"
>C. Give Tsunade a big ol' hug...

>>2585219
>C. Give Tsunade a big ol' hug...

>>2585227
>>2585237
>>2585247
A and C wins. Writing.

>You can see Tsunade's grin grow wider every time you call her that.

Tsunade no don't go down the /ss/ path!~

>>2585256
Nah, she's just getting wistful because what'shisname never peed in her butt before he died, and now she's too old to have kids of her own even if she eventually hooks up with a certain aging perv.

>>2585264
There is also the fact she misses her little brother. Who also died.

File: Spoiler Image (18 KB, 285x177)

18 KB JPG

You immediately give Tsunade a big ol' hug, surprising the Sanin for a moment. "Thank you Tsunade Nee-Sa-AAAH!" That surprise doesn't last long before she wraps her arms around you and hugs you right back, probably with a little more force than necessary considering you're lifted off your feet. You're also suffocating slightly considering your head is buried between he breasts. "Mmmmph!"

"Oh, sorry about that Taka." Tsunade lets you down again, and you're finally able to catch a breath. "You're just so cute sometimes."

"So I'm told." You say, fixing your hair back up. "So who are my teammates going to be, do I know them?" You're just so gosh darn excited about this, you're actually going to become a Genin, and not only that you're going to be put onto a team! This is everything you've been training for!

Tsunade smirks. "Oh you know them alright, but I'm keeping their identities a secret for now."

"Why?"

"...cause it's cooler that way...right?" She asks, looking worried that she may seem like a dork.

You just flash Tsunade a smile and a thumbs up. "Don't worry Nee-San, you'll always bee cool to me." It then takes all your effort not to pass out as she hugs you once more, burying your face in the mounds of madness.

Before long the two of you have reached the Konoha Apartment complex, walking up a few floors before stopping at one of the doors. "Here we are." Tsunade says, grinning.

You go to knock on the door, when you hear shouting from inside. "What the fuck do you mean you spent all the money on ramen?!"

"HEY! It's not my fault okay? They were havin' a two for one special, it would've been stupid not to spend money on that!"

"YOU SPENT ALL OF IT!" You can hear some thumping, the sound a crash, and for some reason a cat wailing out before the front door is bust open, and you see Karin carrying Naruto above her, ready to throw him out. She stops when she sees you though. "Oh, hey Taka." She turns to Tsunade, more importantly her breasts. "Titty Monster."

"Eh? Oh hey Granny." Naruto gets out of his cousins grasp, smirking at the two of you as he does. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Karin, Naruto, meet your third teammate." Tsunade says, wrapping an arm around you and grinning.

>A. "Did you really spend all your money on ramen?"
>B. "Hey." Wave.
>C. "Karin it's not nice to call other people names."
>D. "So does anyone know who our Sensei's gonna' be then?"
>E. Write-in

>>2585291
>>C. "Karin it's not nice to call other people names."
>>E. "Nart you shouldn't call her granny, that's disrespectful to a ninja of her status."

>>2585291
>C. "Karin it's not nice to call other people names.

>>2585291
>>B. "Hey." Wave.
Uh, no Sai. Welp, I'm sure he'll get along with SasuSaku just well.

>>2585291
>>C. "Karin it's not nice to call other people names."
>E. "Nart you shouldn't call her granny, that's disrespectful to a ninja of her status."
>E. GROUP HUG OF JOLLY COOPERATION AND TAKA

>>2585302
>>>C. "Karin it's not nice to call other people names."
>>>E. "Nart you shouldn't call her granny, that's disrespectful to a ninja of her status."

>"Guess I'll take on any budgeting duties. So who's our instructor?"

>>2585302
>>2585312
>>2585313
Seems like a winner. Writing.

Also who's your instructor indeed? I think some of you may even know him.

File: karin-angry-yelling-o-kar(...).png (128 KB, 200x200)

128 KB PNG

You frown a bit at your new teammates manners. How rude. "Karin, it's not nice to call other people names." You say, wagging your finger at her.

"You smell like titty sweat." She says, leaning in closer and sniffing at you. "Jiraiya smelled like it a lot too."

"....and Naruto," You say, turning to your orange colored companion, wanting to drop that conversation with Karin like a sack of bricks. "You shouldn't address Tsunade like that, someone of her status deserves more respect." You're just going to leave out that you've been calling her Nee-San this whole way over here. Yes, yes that's smart.

"Ugh, but she is old! She's just using that diamond on her head to look young!" Naruto says, before Tsunade thumps him on the forehead. "Yeeeouch!"

"So uh, does anybody know who our Sensei is going to be?" You ask, causing Karin and Naruto to shrug, before you all turn to look at Tsunade.

Tsunade nods. "Yeah I do, but I'm keeping that a secret too."

"Only secret here is how you haven't died from back pain." Karin whispers.

Tsunade just frowns at the girl before continuing. "You'll be meeting him on top of the Academy."

"Oh, just like how Kakashi did way back then." Naruto says, referring to something. "Awesome. So what can ya' tell us about this guy Tsunade?"

Tsunade blinks, tapping a finger to her chin as she thinks for a moment. "Well...he doesn't really like children."

"...he doesn't like children, but he's going to be in charge of a team of them?" Karin asks, sounding confused.

Tsunade shrugs. "Eh, you're all teenagers, so I'm sure he'll warm up to you...maybe."
>cont.

>>2585340
>he doesn't really like children
No... could it be?

>>2585340
>Well...he doesn't really like children
oh shit