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>>2534278
finally, my new dose

Vivian was here first!

TRAPPING TO THE GATE

Fuck yeah, time for fuck quest

>>2534278
Hype

>>2534278
>Idolm@sturbator
I can't wait for some mutual masturbation with Whitney.

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March 10, 2014

You've got your dick in your left hand and your favorite ShindoL doujin on the screen; life is good. It would be better, of course, if you couldn't hear the incessant thrum of Cerise's vibrator in the next bedroom over. The fact that your masturbation habits always sync up annoys you to no end. But it can't be helped.

You're deep into it when the downstairs telephone rings. Mom and dad are still out, so there's no one to answer it.

No matter. It's probably just another telemarketer - those are the only people who still call landlines these days. The phone rings for a bit and stops. But about five minutes later, it rings again. You're on the verge of orgasm by now, so you can't be bothered.

Vaguely, you wonder whether maybe it's mom herself - you told her to stop off at the grocery store and buy you some soda before coming home from her biweekly date with dad - maybe she has a question or something. Well, she can text you if it matters so much.

Ten more minutes after that, the phone is ringing again. This is definitely weird. But you're in a post-climax torpor and don't feel like moving at all. You do manage enough energy to kick the wall and shout to Cerise: "get the phone already!"

"You get it, asshole!" comes the reply, muffled by the drywall separating your bedrooms. She's in a similar state of torpor now.

You kick the wall again. "It's for you!" you say. "Your stalker wants your autograph!"

"Fuck you!"

Then comes the sound of angry thudding, Cerise's bedroom door opening and slamming shut. Moments later the ringing stops. You lean back in your chair and enjoy the peace and quiet.

Your relaxation shatters when you hear a noise that you've never heard before, at least not in real life: a stomach-churning wail of anguish.

It's Cerise's voice.

There is nothing to compare it to, the way it breaks past every higher function of the mammalian brain and rings every klaxon in your hindbrain, throws every ancient signal that warns: "something is terribly wrong here." It's one of the worst noises you have ever heard.

What she shouts is just one word: "no" - just that one word, the O drawing itself out and transforming into a horrible sob.

You throw on your pants, step out of your room and down the stairs. Cerise is on the floor in the hall, on her knees and elbows, curled up with the telephone receiver to her ear. She rocks back and forth repeating "no, no, no..."

"Cerise...?" you say. "What's going on?" You already have an idea, though, what it must be. And already the first of what will be many, many tears is trailing down your cheek.

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You are OP Studios, hot-shit destroyer of sleep schedules and masturbation maestro.

PREVIOUSLY:
-You stole a whiteboard from work.
-You narrowly avoided getting kicked off your board (again) by hiding your smut under the rug.
-You activated your trap card.
-You had your readers' best interests at heart.

AND NOW, EPISODE 3 OF FUCK QUEST QUEST:
An Unusual RE-Quest!

Mom is best girl

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>>2534298

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You just finished downloading Naruto.

These desperate times have brought you to unimaginable lows.

Before dawn, while Whitney and Alex still sleep the sleep of slutty angels who snore too loudly, you connect Camelia's flash drive to an old laptop that you intend to never use again. That's after pulling out the laptop's network card, covering the webcam with tape and running it in safe mode.

The flash drive's main directory has only three files in it: one is named "the_goods.mkv" and is quite large. The others are only a few kilobytes each, named simply "fuckem.lnk" and "seriously_fuckem.tmp"

You watch the video. It's what Camelia promised you it was. Apparently there's CCTV footage from across the street showing clearly the perpetrator of the North High fire. How no one ever discovered it before she did is mystery, but there's no denying it - especially as the video helpfully replays the few moments where the face is most clearly visible, in freeze-frame, for easy identification.

She's got you by the balls.

The other files have to be the payload she wants to get into Darkbloom's system. You copy them over to another jump drive - along with the complete series of Naruto Shippuden - and pocket it.

Then you power down the laptop, pull out the hard drive, and stash it under your bed. Later, when you're alone, you'll pulverize the platters.

>>2534298
Suffering.

>>2534298
WAIT FUCK YOU, THAT’S THE DAY BEFORE FQ1

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By the time you're all showered up and ready for work, Whitney and Alex are both awake.

Whitney is naked.

Alex is wearing her clothes.

He looks utterly embarrassed, his face beet red, unable to make eye contact with either of you. Instead he worries his thumbnail and stares at the ground.

He may feel abashed to "crossdress" but other than the clothes being about half a size too big for his tiny frame, they suit him perfectly - a simple pair of shorts and a tank, not dissimilar from the outfit he wore (and soiled) yesterday.

Whitney looks way too pleased with herself. That always means trouble.

"Here he is," Whitney says, handing custody of Alex off to you. She pushes him forward, toward you, using his butt as a handle.

"You two have fun at work." She narrows her eyes at you. "But not too much fun."

Sighing, you grab your keys and shepherd Alex out the door, away from this maniac. Once again Whitney has taken advantage of your tendency to make bad decisions while drunk. Only now she's involved this poor, cute boy - err, this poor boy - in all of it too.

You'd rather pretend last night never happened.

>>2534298
Yamete kudasai

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The drive to work begins in awkward silence. Alex just keeps chewing his thumbnail to a nubbin and staring pensively out the window.

You're not sure whether you should try to make conversation. Maybe he regrets what happened as much as you do.

What's the etiquette in dealing with a drunken one-night stand with a trap?

[ ] Don't try to make conversation.
[ ] Try to make conversation.

>>2534352
>[X] Try to make conversation.

>>2534352
[X]Try to make conversation.

>>2534327
>Alex not wearing our shirt and nothing else
I've never been so disappointed this better happen later on

>>2534352
[x] Try to make conversation

>>2534352
>[x] Try to make conversation.

>>2534352
[X] Try to make conversation.
Nuclear Ice Breaker Alabaster, onwards

>>2534352
>[X] Try to make conversation.
Don't want him to feel like a pump-n-dump. Just as long as we don't say something stupid.

>>2534352
>[X] Don't try to make conversation.
Let's just turn on the radio and listen to some old classics.

>>2534322
Seems like the world line(?) shift occurred then.

>>2534352
>[X] Try to make conversation.
Best GIRL

>>2534352
>[X] Try to make conversation.
...
So, do you suck dick professionally or are you gifted?

>>2534352
>Try to make conversation.

>>2534352
>[x] Try to make conversation.

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>[x] Try to make conversation.

Eventally you can't bear it. You speak up, trying for inoffensive small talk:

"Looks like it might rain later. What do you--"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Ally," Alex cuts in. He's still looking away.

"I'm sorry?" Here comes a conversation you dread...

"I was supposed to help you with your orientation yesterday, and I didn't help you at all! I'm useless!"

...That's what he's so nervous about? Work matters? Not the whole "blowing you and snowballing with your girlfriend" thing?

"Um. It's fine," you say. "You were busy."

"It's not fine!" Alex shouts, whipping his head around to look at you directly. He leans on the center console of the car. His eyes are dewy. "I owe you for helping me! I owe you my life, basically!"

"Let's not go that far--"

"I've got all of DA's policies and procedures in a big binder. I'll take you through every single word of it. I promise, Mr. Ally."

It's still strange to you that this is what has Alex so upset. But if he's not at all perturbed about the events of last night, you decide not to be either. You agree to let Alex help your onboarding today.

"But, uh - you don't need to call me 'Mr.' Ally," you say. "Just Ally is fine."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Ally. You and Ms. Whitney were so nice to me, and that's how I show respect."

"You're doing it again."

"I'm sorry! I'll try to keep a lid on it!"

>>2534383
This is tripping my bad childhood alarms.

>>2534383
>You and Ms. Whitney were so nice to me
H-huh

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At work, you send Alex down to Sable's R&D dungeon, telling him you'll catch up in a moment. You go meet with Cerise in her office on the 13th floor, to talk last minute strategy.

"Scrum," Cerise tells you.

"What?"

"All the teams do scrum at 7:45, that's the best time. You know -- for you to..."

To plant the jump drive where someone will find it, she means.

"What the hell is scrum?" you say.

"It's an agile framework for managing workflow across multi-functional teams in software and hardware development," Cerise says.

"Jesus. I can't get used to you spouting corporate buzzwords."

Cerise huffs. "I'm trying to help you here, you fucking faggot."

"That's better."

"The standup meeting takes 15 minutes. Everyone will be busy. You'll have enough time to get it done."

You think for a moment. "If I'm the only one wandering around when everyone else is supposed to be at a meeting, won't it look suspicious?"

Cerise folds her arms. "Fair point. The other option is to represent your team at the scrum-scrum."

You stare at her blankly.

"It's a cross-team meeting to recap the scrums of every individual team. They have it from 8:05 to 8:20 in the recreation area - supposed to make it more fun or some shit. When it gets out, you'd still have enough time to make it to the theater before anyone else. Probably."

"Probably."

"Yeah, probably."

Such confidence.

[ ] Skip the morning meeting and plant the jump drive then.
[ ] Attend the morning meeting and plant the jump drive afterwards.

>>2534383
There is something seriously wrong with Alex.
I mean that should have been obvious last time, but now I’m definitely sure.

>>2534383
So are Alex and Sable in a S&M relationship or something?

>>2534397
[X] Attend the morning meeting and plant the jump drive afterwards.

>>2534397
[x] Attend the morning meeting and plant the jump drive afterwards.

>>2534397
[X] Attend the morning meeting and plant the jump drive afterwards.

[X] Attend the morning meeting and plant the jump drive afterwards.

>>2534397
>[X] Attend the morning meeting and plant the jump drive afterwards.
Way too suspicious otherwise.

>>2534397
>[x] Attend the morning meeting and plant the jump drive afterwards.

This could never possibly backfire

[X] Skip the morning meeting and plant the jump drive then.

>>2534401
More like Alex likely had an abusive childhood and wants look up to someone. Its as if hes rejecting what happened last night when he thanked us for treating him "so nicely."

>>2534383
Alex is way too cute

>>2534419
Yeah nobody who is that polite (as in not faking it for work or whatnot) is mentally stable.

>>2534419
Yeah I guess. There's a implication of a traumatic experience involving something sexual in nature. Hence why he wants to please everyone so eagerly.

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>[X] Attend the morning meeting and plant the jump drive afterwards.

"Any second thoughts?" You ask her.

"Look at this shit," Cerise says, by way of answering. She hands you a single-page document: it's a press release. You skim it.

"So what?" You say when you're done.

"So they put that out yesterday without even telling me," Cerise says. "Copied my signature and everything. I never signed off on that!"

"Is that what you call a signature?" you ask dryly.

She shakes her head. "They've got my name on a document that gives congress a big fat fucking middle finger, as if I was part of the decision."

"Bitter?" you say.

"I don't know what I am. But I'm not having any second thoughts."

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Cerise's phone dings. She grabs it from her belt - she actually wears a goddamn belt clip for her phone, if you can believe it - and checks the display.

For the first time in these tumultuous few days, you see your older sister smile.

She stares at the screen for a moment, quietly thinking and biting her lower lip, then clacks out a reply that takes several long moments.

Then comes another ding from the phone, another smile, and more typing.

"I'm sorry," you say, "am I interrupting something?"

"Yeah. You are."

"Since when do you have friends?" You shoot back.

"Maybe it's a guy," Cerise says, sneering. "You're not the only Soliloquy who can sleep around, you know."

"Now I know you're lying," you say. You stand up. "Whatever. I'll see you at lunch."

A couple days ago, Whitney's birthday came and went. When you realized you hadn't gotten her a gift, you told her that you and Cerise would treat her to lunch instead.

She wanted to go to one of those "fancy as fuck places in Palo Alto" - whatever that means - and in your stupor last night before the incident with Alex, you drunk-texted Cerise to set the date. No backing out now.

Hopefully lunch won't be interrupted by anything crazy. Like Camelia murdering you, say.

>>2534428
Which makes me sad, we may have unwittingly taken advantage of a poor, vulnerable boy.

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>>2534440
>no birthday gift for a childhood friend
Wew, this Ally needs help

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You sit alone with Alex in a meeting room downstairs. He's got an enormous binder with multicolored sticky notes poking out from three sides.

"Should I go top or bottom first?" Alex says.

"Top, I guess."

He opens the binder up and begins straight away: "Okay. Our policy on what to do if there's an active shooter... spooky. So, the purpose of this policy..."

He reads, and reads, and reads. You pretend to be listening closely.

About half an hour later, Alex is well into describing the Darkbloom Analytics code of conduct - Respect, Excellence, Integrity - when you get a text from a blocked number.

>Tick tock.

You shudder.

"Hey," you say, cutting Alex off. "The scrum is coming up soon. Should we do anything to get ready?"

"Hmm?" Alex murmurs. "Scrum?"

"You know what that is, right?"

He nods, suddenly excited. He balls his hands into fists and practically bounces in his chair as he chirps: "Of course I know! It's an agile framework for managing workflow across multi-functional teams in software and hardware development! Everyone knows that!"

You massage the bridge of your nose.

"But..." Alex says, deflating a little, "I've never seen Ms. Guiteau do anything like that. She's a more traditional manager."

[ ] Go speak to her about it.
[ ] Go on your own.

>>2534440
So, if we make a wrong choice, Camelia is going to either murder us or come really close to it, right?

>>2534453
[X] Go speak to her about it.

>>2534453
>"Okay. Our policy on what to do if there's an active shooter... spooky. So, the purpose of this policy..."
This is foreshadowing isn't it.

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>>2534453
>[X] Go on your own.
Dont need her to interrupt us dropping flash drives everywhere

>>2534453
Scrums are terrible and I wouldn't want to wish it upon my worst enemy.
>[X] Go on your own.

[X] Go on your own.

>>2534453
>"Should I go top or bottom first?" Alex says.
>"Top, I guess."
lewd foreshadowing!

also
[x] Go speak to her about it.

>>2534453
>Should I go top or bottom first?" Alex says.
heh
>[x] Go on your own.

>>2534453
>[x] Go speak to her about it.

>[x] Go speak to her about it.

>>2534453
>[X] Go on your own.
fuck it

>[x] Go on your own.

Closing voting, writing.

>>2534510
Anonymous-dono, please.

>>2534510
Nice going retard

>>2534510
Anon please, double check where you're posting before you post.

>>2534510
Embarrassing.

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As you think through your options, you get another text notification - thankfully, this one is from Whitney, and not the psycho blackmailing you.

It's a photo of a tiny pink negligee with lace trim, along with a matching and equally sheer pair of crotchless panties. These items are pictured lying on your dorm room bed, so obviously she already went ahead and bought them.

She follows the picture with:

>What do you think?

The idea of her wearing that outfit makes you arch an appreciative eyebrow, but it really doesn't seem like her style. You text her back with that sentiment, more or less.

Her reply comes quickly:

>What?? No its not for me its for alex

You put the phone face-down on the table and slide it away as if to distance yourself from the words on the screen. You lean back and take a sharp breath of air between your teeth. Ohhh man.

"Are you okay?" Alex asks.

Not at all.

"Listen," you say. "I need to take a break. I'll be back in about 15 minutes." (Better you don't involve anyone else in your plan here.)

You stand and slip away to attend the scrum-scrum.

>>2534513
>>2534518
>>2534520
>>2534566
e-everybody m-makes mistakes, r-right?

>>2534578
>What?? No its not for me its for alex
Good shit, Whitney

>>2534578
I dislike Whitney becuase of how jealous and clingy she gets, but god damn if she doesn't make up for it at times like these.

>>2534578
>Ohhh man.
Indeed.

>>2534578
>What?? No its not for me its for alex
Best girl strikes again.

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At 8:05 on the dot, you stand in a semicircle with other team members around an artificial bouldering wall in the rec area. The man you recognize as Nelson Berenstoin is at the center, in front of a whiteboard with different names on it, moving post-it-notes from "to do" to "in progress" to "Done!"

Rose is here, too - representing Team Cerise, it seems.

"Looks like your team is behind," she whispers smugly. She isn't wrong. Sable's name has a giant mess of post-it notes under the "to do" column and none at all under the other two categories. It's obvious she's been neglecting these planning meetings for a long time.

"Alabaster," Nelson says, turning to you. "So glad you could make it. Do you have any updates from your team?"

"Uh..." you say dumbly, not even sure how to begin. Rose is beaming with satisfaction at how lost you are.

You're not going to let her have that satisfaction.

"All done," you say smoothly.

"Excuse me?" Nelson responds.

"Yeah - all that stuff on the board, it's all done now."

Rose snickers. But Nelson is sincerely impressed: "Amazing work," he says. "You're making waves already." He grabs the post-its and moves them to the "Done!" column. Rose is clearly stupefied at how easy that was.

"How about you, Rose?" Nelson says next. "Any updates?"

"Uh..." she looks side to side, blushing. "Uh, my team is all done too."

Nelson frowns.

"You're all done?" He says. He takes one of the post-its down and read it. "So for instance, you completed imaging the servers affected by the data breach?"

"Ah--"

"That's what I thought." He puts the post-it back up in the "to do" column. "Try to come to this meeting better prepared next time," he says.

Rose is silently fuming.

When the meeting lets out, it's time to beat a hasty path to the theater - the theater where those weeaboo losers like to congregate. A jump drive labeled "Naruto" will be like catnip to those fuckers - irresistible. Or at least, you hope so.

[ ] Take Rose along.
[ ] Go in solo.

>>2534578
>the scrum-scrum
This sounds like something from some kids show, the fuck are scrums anyway?

>>2534601
Couldn't have said it better myself anon

>>2534610
[ ] Go in solo.

>>2534610
[X] Go in solo.

[X] Go in solo.

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>>2534610
>[X] Take Rose along.
this will be fucking fun

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>>2534510
Take the liquor and lie down Anon.
>>2534610
>[X ] Go in solo.

>>2534610
>a whiteboard with different names on it, moving post-it-notes from "to do" to "in progress" to "Done!"
[laugh track]
>[x] Take Rose along
we need a lookout

Take Rose

>>2534610
>[ ] Go in solo.
I kinda want more Rose time but I don't think now is the time.

>>2534610
>[X] Take Rose along.

>>2534612
>the fuck are scrums anyway
It's an agile framework for managing workflow across multi-functional teams in software and hardware development! Everyone knows that!

>>2534610
[ ] Go in solo.
I would feel bad for Rose if she wasn't such a bitch about everything

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>>2534578
Alabaster rn

>>2534610
>[X] Take Rose along.
The various interactions between characters is one of the best parts of FQ.

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>>2534453
>Darkbloom Analytics code of conduct - Respect, Excellence, Integrity -
>R.E.I.
Or maybe I'm just reading too much into it

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>>2534610
>[x] Go in solo.
Time to shock, chummers

>>2534630
I know you're speaking English but it isn't any English I know.

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>>2534578

>[x] Go in solo.

Closing voting, writing.

>>2534642
>Darkbloom Analytics
>D,A
>DeviantArt

Shit, David Darkbloom is going to take over the world with bad furry two dee drawings!

>>2534635
>>2534646
FQ gestalt hivemind incoming

>>2534432
Christ, her signature really is trash. Especially for a woman.

You’re all actually retarded if you don’t think bringing Rose along is a good idea. She knows the situation so she can’t rat us out about it, we can use her as a lookout, and worst case, if shit goes awry, we can push the blame onto her

>>2534657
>we can push the blame onto her
Rose is for bullying only.

>>2534657
Well if that last interaction is anything to go off of they'd totally buy it because the universe hates Rose for being a cunt

>>2534657
>getting a girl executed instead of doing what a man's gotta do
I don't think so Tim.

>>2534610
[ ] go in solo

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>>2534644
You have different teams in the company doing different things with their own tasks. Some are doing some database stuff, others might be fixing bugs, some researching and experimenting on new ideas, etc. So a scrum is where they have a meeting in their own department (for example in the CTO department, where the meeting would be between Sable, Alex, Alabaster and those other nerds). The scrums are usually done weekly or fortnightly. The purpose of it is to have an update from everyone so that the whole team knows where they are up to (hence the "to do", "in progress" and "to done" parts).

Then the scrum-scrum is where a representative from the scrum (Alabaster in this case) has another meeting between the departments (pic related). This is so that the higher ups know how progress is going.

>>2534652
>Darkbloom Analytics
>Analytics
>Anal
Confirmed this will be the majority of smut content in the office premises.

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>[x] Go in solo.

You brush past the doors to the theater, and are relieved to see that no one else is here yet. Slipping your hand into your pocket - using your shirt sleeve so you don't leave prints - you pull out the jump drive and set it on the red plush of a chair in the first row, where hopefully someone will see it.

You're just on your way out when the doors open again, half blinding you with bright light from the outside halls.

"Squeee!" comes a horrible shrieky voice like nails on chalkboard. "A new person! Someone else wants to join the Morning Anime Club!"

She comes running up to you, paunch jiggling. "I'm Kimberly! Kimberly Manlove! I run this show!"

You close your eyes and silently pray for strength.

A gangly beanstalk of a man comes in next. "Connor," he says, offering a handshake, which you decline. "Are you one of the new interns?"

"Yeah..."

More people are filtering in. Kimberly is already fiddling with her laptop, connecting it to a projector.

It would look awfully suspicious if you left now. And if you stay, you can at least try to make sure one of these people finds the jump drive.

By the same token, you don't want to be in the same universe as these people, much less the same room.

"We're gonna watch Inuyasha today!" Kimberly calls over her shoulder.

"Epic win!" a man named Franklin replies. This man is an adult, as far as you can tell.

[ ] Leave.
[ ] Stay.

>>2534720
[ ] Leave.

we can come back

>>2534720
>[ ] Leave.
Oh fuck no.

>>2534720
>Kimberly's fat
I thought her avatar was Tomoko?

>>2534720
>Wake me up

>>2534453
>"Should I go top or bottom first?" Alex says.
>"Top, I guess."

This had better be foreshadowing

>>2534720
>[ ] Stay

>>2534720
Oh and [x] Stay

>>2534720
>[ ] Stay.
Sometimes you're gonna have to do dirty things to get by Alabaster

>>2534720
>[x] Leave.
Staying here is a fate worse than death.

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>>2534720
[x] Stay.
It's for the greater good, anons

>>2534720
>Inuyasha
[X] Leave.

>>2534720
>[x] Stay.
Might regret it, but I kinda want to see where you're going with this.

>>2534440
>you told her that you and Cerise would treat her to lunch instead
You mean Rose?

>>2534720
[X] Stay.

>>2534720
>[x] Leave.
>>2534728
WAKE ME UP INSIDE

>>2534720
>[X] Stay.
I like me some Inuyasha

>>2534720
>[x] Leave
I’m not doing this shit today

>>2534720

>>[x] Stay

That being said we're in trouble.

>>2534720
>[X] Stay.

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>>2534720
fukkin leave

>[x] Stay.

Closing voting.

This is the future you chose, FQ.

[X] Stay
A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do Ala-bast-or

>>2534758
A-at least Fazil might be in anime club, r-right?

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>>2534758
>This is the future you chose, FQ.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

>>2534720
>[x] Stay.

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>>2534758
I shall fear no evil

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>>2534758
oh boy

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you fucks gotta fuck up everything, it seems

>>2534758
Consider my angus peppered.

>>2534706
That seems reasonable, its still a dumb name tho.

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>you don't want to be in the same universe as these people, much less the same room.
We obviously didn't want to be there but nooooo you fuckers have to say otherwise.

>>2534793
Scrum-scrum sounds funny.

>>2534797
we have a mission

>>2534802
scrum-scrum sounds like hardcore vanilla head petting

>>2534802
Sounds like an orgy that has the specific function to get everyone involved infected with some STD.

Probably thought up by an especially horny anti-Vaxxer.

>>2534813
Right.

>>2534816
Wrong.

>>2534813
It reminds me of skub, which is by the way the worst fucking thing in existence.

>>2534720
[ ] show them your godly taste

>>2534816
Are you all right, anon?

>>2534826
go fuck yourself, anti-skub

>>2534826
Fuck you, Skub is basically the blood and body of Jesus in one.

>>2534797
It's not about if we want to be here or not we don't wanna get caught doing virtual terrorism and get raped in jail which is slightly worse than the anime club

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>>2534826
You wanna die, kid?

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>[x] Stay.

You settle into a chair as far away from these idiots as you can sit without one of them telling you to come sit closer - a skill you've had years to practice in various unwanted social situations such as this.

Since the show they're watching is so beneath you (obviously), you instead choose to people-watch the club members - and maybe scout out the person most likely to take the jump drive.

Kimberly is rapt, staring at the action on-screen - Connor is talking to her, or more accurately talking at her (she doesn't seem to really care). He's actually referring to her as "lady," Jesus motherfucking Christ, but she doesn't pick up on his hopeless infatuation, either.

Franklin eats one candy bar after another, never slowing down for anything. Big fan of Snickers, it seems. A man named Earl picks incessantly at a hole in one of the chairs, pulling out the batting and - at one point - sniffing it curiously.

This is surely hell.

"So what's your favorite anime, Alabaster?" Connor asks, when it's clear that he won't make any progress with Kimberly today. He's wearing a shirt that says "Genius at Work."

"I'm sure you've never heard of it," you reply. "Hey, what's that on the front row--"

"Try me!" Connor says.

You sigh. "It's a close call between Strike Witches or Girls Und Panzer," you tell him.

"Oh, huh," Connor says. "Guess you're right. What are those about?"

You're about to launch into an explanation when you see a man you actually know walk into the theater. You can hardly believe your eyes.

It's Naruto Stackleford - your old high school friend.

>>2534826
I'll have you know that the anime club says scrub all the time

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Just spend the last 2 hours catching up on the new episodes. Now my dick is ready.

I'm still partial to Camelia being Alabaster's daughter from the future theory

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"Alabaster!" he says. "Sup, my nigger?"

"What the fuck --" you hiss. "Why are you here?"

"It's a long story," he says. Despite the dockers and the button-down shirt, he still wears his patented pussy deflector from high school on his forehead.

Stackleford was a millionaire the last time you heard about him - he hit it big with an early investment in Bitcoin and moved to Vegas a couple years ago to live a life of luxury.

"I'm in data entry now," he explains.

"Why are you working some minimum wage job in data entry? Aren't you supposed to be partying on a yacht or something?"

He shrugs. "There was a big crash, bro. Really hit me hard."

"It didn't crash that hard," you sputter. "You don't have any money left?"

He looks away. "There was a lot of shit going on... someone stole one of my wallets... and then I made some bad investments... and Sabrina..."

"Sabrina?"

"I thought she loved me, man..."

You almost pity him. He lucked into and then squandered a fortune in less than two years.

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>>2534860
oh shit
it actually paid off

>>2534860
!!!!

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>>2534860
GODLY TIER TASTE ALLY

>>2534860
NO NO NO NO
NO NO
NO

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>>2534860
DID HE ACTUALLY CHANGE HIS FUCKING NAME TO NARUTO

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>>2534860
>Naruto Stackleford

>>2534872
FUCKING STACKLEFUCK

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>>2534872
AAAAAAAAAAAA HIS BITCOIN

>>2534872
The man, the myth, the legend

>>2534882
K A G A W A L I F E

>>2534879
did you really expect anything else from him?

Finally done with god-awful mobile posting.

>>2534872
Oh no.
Oh NO.

Fucking Stackleford.

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>>2534872
now thats a nice turn of events, OP

>>2534889
Work has not been as friendly to me.

>>2534860
>You sigh. "It's a close call between Strike Witches or Girls Und Panzer," you tell him.
Amazing taste, Ally.

>>2534872
He lives! He wasn't our suicidal roommate!

>>2534872
FUCK! He's our best chance at the disk isn't he. I mean he ironically changed his name to Naruto.

>>2534860
How the fuck does someone in the anime club not know what Girls Und Panzer is

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You lean back, closing your eyes and suppressing a groan. Of all the people to run into...

"What are you up to now, nigwad?" He says. "Still crushing it?"

"I'm an intern," you say.

"Still crushing it?" He repeats.

"Yes, Stackleford. Still crushing it."

He pulls a bag of chips from seemingly nowhere and loudly eats some. "Still hanging out with Whitney?"

Stackleford's unrequited obsession with Whitney was the stuff of legend in high school.

[ ] Yes. We're dating now.
[ ] Yes. We're still friends.

>>2534907
[ ] Yes. We're still friends.

>>2534907
>[X] Yes. We're dating now.
Damn straight.

>>2534892
Although with as slow as the shitty laptop I'm borrowing is, maybe I was better off on my phone. >>2534906
>Ironically
>>2534907
>[x] Yes. We're dating now.


NTR the degenerate again, let's go.

>>2534907
>[X] Yes. We're dating now.
Lying to friends is bad.

>>2534907
[ ] Yes. We're still friends.

>>2534907
>[X] Yes. We're dating now.

>>2534907
>[X] Yes. We're still friends.

Need to keep him sweet if he's gonna take the fall for what we're about to do.

>>2534872
ALABASTER. THIS IS YOUR FAULT, YOU SUMMONED THIS GREASY FAT FUCK WHEN YOU DOWNLOADED 'NARUTO.'

This is on you.

>>2534907
>[x] Yes. We're dating now.
Never too early to crush a man’s dreams.

>>2534907
>[x] Yes. We're dating now.

>>2534915
Fuck Stackleford, in a non-sexual way.

>>2534907
>[X] Yes. We're still friends.
If only to make it all the more crushing later.

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>>2534907
[ ] yes we're dating now

>>2534907
>[X] Yes. We're dating now.
Let's lay it on him.

>>2534907

>Yes. We're still friends
Naruto's been through a lot, we don't need to lay this on him now.

>>2534907
[x] Yes. We're dating now.

>>2534927
That's mean, anon

>>2534907
>[ ] Yes. We're dating now.

What are you guys doing while waiting patiently?

If we're gonna be digging a hole for Stackleford we gotta butter him up you fucks
[X] Friends

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>>2534907
>[X] Yes. We're dating now.
He probably had enough time to get over that

>>2534939
OP has me addicted to Mili now, so listening to them. Also searching for a new job.

>>2534907
>TFW actually tempted to sick shackleford on our bitch daughter from the future.

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>>2534906
I looked at the anime club when I was in high school
I didn't join because they literally only watched Dragon Ball and other shonenshit I wouldn't be surprised if they haven't heard of Madoka

>>2534941
Bullshit, he's still obsessed with Naruto, h is clearly not getting over anything

>>2534927
...You remember the LAST time that shit happened?
>>[X] Yes. We're dating now.
>>2534939
Writing, I'm always writing.

>>2534907
>[x] Yes. We're dating now.

[x] Yes. We're dating now

Closing, writing.

In the meantime, "enjoy" the theme of Stackleford.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDiili2Gs-0

>>2534939
Working. End-of-day cleanups. Seeing what other people thoroughly fucked up.

>>2534951
Then lets help him, get into Kimberly, idk man

>>2534907
>[x] Yes. We're dating now.

>>2534953
>You remember the LAST time that shit happened?
Not really. Only that Stackleford cried while we fucked Whitney in front of him or something.

>>2534907
[ ] Yes. We're dating now.
It's only gonna bite us in the ass if he finds out later

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>>2534961
ugh
how in the fuck is this allowed to exist

>>2534964
This
New timeline, new chance to be a force of good
We might be Punished "Venom" Alabaster now, but that's all the more reason to fight for justice!

>>2534961
>the theme of Stackleford.
I almost puked.

>>2534976
We later apologized to him about the incident and made our apology about how we ate his food after fucking Whitney.

>>2534961

>that theme
Man, clearly it doesn't matter how much I want to like Stackleford, OP Studios is simply not going to let me.

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>[x] Yes. We're dating now.

Stackleford's jaw hangs slack. A half-chewed mound of potato chips rests wetly on his tongue.

Finally, he swallows. The gulp reverberates through the theater.

"D-dating?" He says. "As in... dating, as in dating?"

"Yeah. Dating as in dating."

"Oh. Uh... g-good for you," he says. "You two were always... t-tell her I said hi..."

He stands up. "'Scuse me," he says. He walks away, seating himself in the front row of the theater.

He watches the screen blankly for a few moments, like a soldier suffering shellshock. And then, in a moment of pure serendipity, he happens to notice the jump drive sitting on the chair beside him.

"Oh shit," you hear him mutter to himself. "At least something good happened today..."

You see him pocket the drive.

Thank god for Stackleford.

You duck out of the theater, feeling upbeat.

>>2534990
It WAS his theme

>>2534961
>In the meantime, "enjoy" the theme of Stackleford.
No.

>>2534961
>Stackleford is kim.com
Makes perfect sense.

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>>2534997
everything turned out okay

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>>2534997
and thus he became the hero who made the first giant fall

>>2534997

Jesus

We keikaku'd real fucking hard there

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>>2534997
Well, that worked out better than expected. Sorry, Naruto. There's no Sakura for you here today.

>>2534997
Wait, isn't Stackleford, despite being a lumbering mountain of a mongoloid, supposed to be competent with computers? Like, "arrested for aggravated stalking and helped us pin down the origin story of Vivian Darkbloom" competent?

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>>2534997

Saved by Stackleford.

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Downstairs, Alex finishes going through the policies and procedures binder right around the time you're due to head out for lunch with Cerise and Whitney. You are now armed, he says, with all the tools you need to be a model employee.

No more texts from Camelia, which you can only assume is good news. Her 24 hour deadline has passed. Stackleford must have done the dirty deed for you.

"Any questions?" Alex asks, closing the binder.

[ ] Wanna come to lunch with us?
[ ] I'm good, thanks.

>>2535019
yup, hes gonna end up waifuing carmilla hard as almighty fuck, and it will be glorious revenge when it goes down.

>>2535024
>[ ] Wanna come to lunch with us?

>>2535024
>[X] Wanna come to lunch with us?
>>2535019
Yeah.

>>2535024
>[x] Wanna come to lunch with us?
As if we'd pass up the opportunity to do something with Alex

>>2535019

I want you to know that I have a plan.

>>2535024
[X] Wanna come to lunch with us?
Maintaining the harem!

>>2535024
>[ x] Wanna come to lunch with us?

>>2535024
>[ ] Wanna come to lunch with us?

>>2535024
[ ] wanna come to lunch

>>2535024
>[x] I'm good, thanks.
Let's just keep it betwee----

>>2535035
OKAY I'M PANICKING NOW

>>2535035
>>2535035
>>2535035
>>2535035
>>2535035
>>2535035
>>2535035

>>2535024
>[X] Wanna come to lunch with us?

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>>2535035
OH BOY.

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>>2535035
Ohhhh man.

>>2535035
IT KEEPS HAPPENING

>>2535024
>[x] Wanna come to lunch with us?


>>2535035
HE DID IT AGAIN

>>2535035
HA hahahaaaa

...we're fucked aren't we?

>>2535035
FUCK

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>>2535035
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE!

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>>2534997
>He watches the screen blankly for a few moments, like a soldier suffering shellshock
I take back what I said. Can we not hurt him again?

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>>2535035

>>2535024
>[X] Wanna come to lunch with us?

>>2535035
oh no.

>>2535024
[ ] Wanna come to lunch with us?

>>2535035
“Trust me”, he says.
“Best interests”, he says.

>[x] Wanna come to lunch with us?

>>2535024
>[X] Wanna come to lunch with us?
Whitney would be glad to have him at her birthday lunch

Also I want to see how Cerise reacts to him

>>2534987
Lets work him till it hurts to live
He took the drive. The pieces are in motion.
Itll be a wild ride.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnlIwmg9N7M

>>2535035
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5k_arVcqR8

>>2535019
Yes, but he's emotionally shaken, and he found a usb key full of Nuruto. His greatest weakness is being exploited

He won't be thinking straight, clearly

>>2535024
[ ] Wanna come to lunch with us?
I want to be good to my waifu

>>2535024
>[X] Wanna come to lunch with us?

>>2535041
I see this and think back to when I was repulsed by the pegging scene 4 years ago. Man have the times changed.

>>2535060
Its better now then later, Stackleford is a cunt but hes our cunt.

>>2535095
We’re not the one getting a dick in our ass this time.

>>2535095
Alabastertina is best girl, that hussy must've fucked the judges to win.

>>2535103
You say that, but,

>>2534453
>"Should I go top or bottom first?" Alex says.
>"Top, I guess."

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>[x] Wanna come to lunch with us?

His eyes actually sparkle with joy when you ask him. He's like a puppy, he's so innocent.

Cerise picked Ming's for the lunch date - a Chinese takeout place that she says is to die for.

When you arrive at the restaurant, she's sitting in a corner booth with her head cradled in her hands. Whitney is across from her, a straw in her mouth, loudly slurping the last bits of soda from between the ice inside her cup.

"Hey Ally~" Whitney says, noticing you. "And you brought Alex with you too! Awesome." She pats the seat beside her, motioning for Alex to sit. When Alex sits, she pokes him all over his body, rapidly, with both index fingers. He giggles and tries - but not very hard - to fight her off.

"What's wrong with her?" You ask, nodding at Cerise.

Whitney stops playing with Alex. "Cerise is a meme now," she says. "She doesn't like it."

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"I'm gonna be sick," Cerise says. "Turns out that ever since my name made front page news, people have been obsessing over me. Look at this."

You sit next to her and she hands you her phone. You almost literally cannot believe what you're seeing: on screen is an image board thread dedicated specifically to her. The subject line is "/csg/ - Cerise Soliloquy General 24." In just a few days they've been through two dozen threads about her.

You read aloud.

>Do you think Cerise ever wears the same underwear more than one day in a row?
>I want to smell them!
>>not wanting to smell her socks instead
>>implying I don't want to do both.
>I want to fuck Cerise Soliloquy! I really want to fuck her!

"Stop," Cerise begs. "I really am gonna be sick if you keep that up."

You feel a twinge of anger reading these creeps comment on Cerise like this. You're not sure why. Do you have hidden familial affection for your older sister, after all?

You continue aloud, noticing posts downthread about you rather than Cerise. It's a surreal experience:

>Her little brother works at DA now too ... he's literally /our guy/.
>Lucky bastard.
>that feel when you will never be Alabaster Soliloquy and plow your hot older sister's NEET pu--

You stop before you make yourself sick, too. "How the fuck did this happen?" You say.

Cerise can only shake her head sadly.

Whitney is loudly slurping the vestiges of her soda again. "Could you stop?" you snap. She sticks her tongue out at you.

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>>2535108
>Cerise is a meme now

>>2535114
The lengths you go to for this smut's realism is astounding

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>>2535114
jesus fucking christ OP

>>2535114
god, using the images for extra world building is so clever, though I'm not familiar with quests these days so that could just be totally normal. what I wanna know is how these will be integrated into the pastebin. maybe an imgur link or something?

>>2535108
Muh heart

>>2535114
Kek

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>>2535108
>"Cerise is a meme now," she says. "She doesn't like it."

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>>2535114
Marrying Cerise!
Starting a family with Cerise!

>>2535114
>that Youtube link
>Cerise appears at 4:21

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, OP
YOU ARE INSANE. YOU ARE LITERALLY INSANE.

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>>2535114
nice wall breaking, op

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>>2535114

Maybe this universe isn't so bad.

>>2535114
whelp, thats a thing in universe now.