>>2366447

> Slaanesh

Let's be a drug-slinging gunslinger.

>>2366447
No matter what, you say?

>MALAL

>>2366447
>Slaanesh
DOOMRIDAAAAAAAH

>>2366447
>SLAANESH
alright sure, tentacles for days mang

>>2366447

As the official Chaosfag of /qst/

> SLAANESH

>>2366447
> NURGLE

>>2366450
Dont you mean dickslinger

>>2366489

>Slaanesh: Dickslinger
>Nurgle: AIDSlinger
>Khorne: Bloodslinger
>Tzeentch: Featherslinger
>Malal: Who?
>Necoho: Euphoriaslinger

>>2366450
>>2366469
>>2366471
>>2366477
>>2366523
Time for Tentacles.

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Aiiight corpsefags, time to tally up the vote!

>>2366455

One vote for Malal You cheeky fuck...

>>2366487

One vote for NURGLE!

>>2366450
>>2366469
>>2366471
>>2366477

Four votes for SLAAANESH!

Fuck, looks like we /slaaneshi/ now.

Tell me straight, what's your race?

> Human: You're pure as pure gets, least 'till the Warp has its way! A bit boring, but balanced and not HERETICAL by virtue of existing, which can be nice.
> Psyker: You're a human, except your soul is HUGE and you have magical mind powers! They're dangerous as fuck to use, but still!
> Mutant: You're a mutant, and have some SICK nasty wriggly bits but you're gonna have a hard time getting started, at least at first.

>>2366546


> Psyker: You're a human, except your soul is HUGE and you have magical mind powers! They're dangerous as fuck to use, but still!

>>2366546
> Psyker: You're a human, except your soul is HUGE and you have magical mind powers! They're dangerous as fuck to use, but still!

>>2366546
>> Psyker: You're a human, except your soul is HUGE and you have magical mind powers! They're dangerous as fuck to use, but still!

>>2366546
> Psyker: You're a human, except your soul is HUGE and you have magical mind powers! They're dangerous as fuck to use, but still!

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>>2366549
>>2366550
>>2366565
>>2366575

You're a Psyker, and mystical power is yours at the price of your eternal soul! Not that that matters, since it's already Slaanesh's! Pick a specialty.

> Pyrokinesis: You can summon hellfire and superheat shit with your mind! It's as badass as fuck, and handy in a fight! Also, kickass warp lightning, which is nice.
> Biokinesis: You can warp and twist flesh and bone with your mind! At first, it's mostly heal-sluttery but eventually, abominations galore!
> Telekinesis: You can pick shit up and move it with your mind! It's not so obvious and useful as the other two at first, but eventually, shit is lit as Slaanesh's right tit!

>>2366583
> Telekinesis: You can pick shit up and move it with your mind! It's not so obvious and useful as the other two at first, but eventually, shit is lit as Slaanesh's right tit!

>>2366583
>Telekinesis

>>2366583

> Biokinesis: You can warp and twist flesh and bone with your mind! At first, it's mostly heal-sluttery but eventually, abominations galore!

Think about it folks, since this deals wth flesh it's the most Slaaneshi of the specialties

>>2366583
>> Biokinesis: You can warp and twist flesh and bone with your mind! At first, it's mostly heal-sluttery but eventually, abominations galore!

>>2366583
Switching to Bio because tiebreakers suck Big E

>>2366590 #
>>2366592 #
>>2366610 #

Your specialty is biokinesis! To start, you'll be sealing papercuts shut, but eventually, you'll be able to do some twisted shit! Now, where are you starting your one-man Black Crusade?

> Feral World: They say some of the Imperium is backward, but this place is positively primal! Nomads in the stone age are about what amounts to civilization here, it'll be easy enough to corrupt, but you'll have a hard time getting off-world once you do.
> Feudal World: Nobility, knights, and peasant levies galore, this world's in the late iron age and shit is archaic! Religion is taken VERY seriously here, the church'll be hard to uproot, and it'll be tricky to get around the local king's iron-fisted rule. Same travel issues too.
> Agri World: Corn, wheat, taters, and grox, it's what this world's known for, and all it's worth in the eyes of the Imperium. The population is sparse and thinly spread outside of a few major cities, and while technology's a bit behind the curve, it's a sight better than the last two!
> Hive World: PEOPLE. And industry too, but mostly people. Billions and billions of 'em, stacked like fat beads in a soon-to-prolapse anus, there's a strict hierarchy to the hive, but it'll be easy to hide in the shadows below. Tech's craziest shit you can find outside a forge-world, plenty of potential there.
> Chaos Warband: Looks like you ain't starting a cult after all. In the warlord's eyes you're hardly a step above shit, and you'll have to prove yourself to rise through the ranks but there's opportunities here you'd never find groundside. Fuck loads of raiding, raping, razing, and like-minded people though, which is nice.

>>2366648
>Feral world
We can just do some warp shenanigans and BAM we've got transport.

>>2366653
>> Hive World: PEOPLE. And industry too, but mostly people. Billions and billions of 'em, stacked like fat beads in a soon-to-prolapse anus, there's a strict hierarchy to the hive, but it'll be easy to hide in the shadows below. Tech's craziest shit you can find outside a forge-world, plenty of potential there.

>>2366653

>> Hive World: PEOPLE. And industry too, but mostly people. Billions and billions of 'em, stacked like fat beads in a soon-to-prolapse anus, there's a strict hierarchy to the hive, but it'll be easy to hide in the shadows below. Tech's craziest shit you can find outside a forge-world, plenty of potential there.

>>2366653
Guess I'll switch to hive to get this thing moving.

>>2366661
>>2366665
>>2366668

You're in a Hive World, home to however many the fuck billions of souls to brainwa- ENLIGHTEN in the name of Slaanesh! But first, where are you beginning your journey to become worthy in the eyes of SHE-WHO-THIRSTS!?!

> The Underhive: A tried-and-true classic, down in the forgotten depths, just above the Sump, the Imperium's reach is weak, and countless desperate mortals are waiting for an excuse to be degene- for something to believe in!
> The Outside: In the polluted wastes beyond the Hives, the world is a wasteland filled with madmen, mutants, and outcasts too claustrophobic for the Underhive, your kinda people!
> The Midhive: Nowhere near as dangerous as either of the prior locales, the Midhive is deadly all the same, as the Imperium watches to crush all dissent. Still, there's success to be had, if you're lucky and careful in equal measure.

>>2366712
>> The Midhive: Nowhere near as dangerous as either of the prior locales, the Midhive is deadly all the same, as the Imperium watches to crush all dissent. Still, there's success to be had, if you're lucky and careful in equal measure.

>>2366712

> The Midhive: Nowhere near as dangerous as either of the prior locales, the Midhive is deadly all the same, as the Imperium watches to crush all dissent. Still, there's success to be had, if you're lucky and careful in equal measure.

>>2366712

> The Midhive: Nowhere near as dangerous as either of the prior locales, the Midhive is deadly all the same, as the Imperium watches to crush all dissent. Still, there's success to be had, if you're lucky and careful in equal measure.

I feel like a more subtle game is in disorder.

>>2366712
>Midhive because I'm feeling lucky

>>2366716
>>2366732
>>2366734
>>2366738

You're a Midhive dweller comitted to Slaanesh and desperate to evade the eye of the Imperium. Last set of questions before we begin.

> What do people call you?
> What set of genitals are you starting with?
> How did you discover Slaanesh, and why do you worship Xir?

>>2366761
> What do people call you?
Big Dicky
> What set of genitals are you starting with?
See above
> How did you discover Slaanesh, and why do you worship Xir?
See above

>>2366783
Supporting.

>>2366761

> What do people call you?

Crowley

> What set of genitals are you starting with?

One floppy dong and pair of balls good sir

> How did you discover Slaanesh, and why do you worship Xir?

Got shit whispered into our head by some guy who screamed about cocaine. We worship Slaanesh to find the ultimate pleasure in life

>>2366802
Supporting this even harder

>>2366802
Fuck my idea, this

>>2366802

Supporting.

>>2366802
Did someone say "fun" ?

>>2366802
>>2366812
>>2366818
>>2366829

Your name is Crowley, you're called "Big Dick" for a reason, you heard of Slaanesh from a batshit insane crackhead in an alleyway, and you worship Xir in a quest to achieve the ultimate high.

> writing

Your name is Crowley, and ever since you hit fifteen you've been able to do things no-else can. Things that accidentally killed an entire hab-block leaving you an orphan when you were sixteen. Since "the incident," you've wandered the Hive as a rootless vagrant, one of countless millions of beggars, muggers, and worse. You hit eighteen a few months ago, and had been searching for a purpose ever-since when you found one.

In a mind-blowing rave unlike anything you've ever experienced, before or after, a drug-addled lunatic told you about the Lord of Excess, Slaanesh, and about how Xhe could make your wildiest dreams come true. After what you'd went through, you had no love for the Emperor and had nothing to lose but yourself, so you bit the bullet and embraced capital-H Heresy by selling your soul.

You honestly hadn't expected anything to happen, but after your penis grew four inches in one night, you knew Xhe was real and you swore your eternal devotion on the spot. The rest of that rave was a haze, all you remember is fleeing the Arbites and their flamers afterward. You don't know what happened to that cokehead, and frankly, you couldn't care less. That experienced touched you in more ways than one, and you decided that the highest goal you could aspire to is to experience the greatest pleasure reality has to offer, whatever that might be.

At the moment, you're in a new unfamiliar region of the Hive, and the only thing on your mind is satisfying your craving for sensuous sensation. If that last rave's any indication, what a party needs is people, so you're gonna to have to get some hapless saps on board with Slaanesh, one way or another. You'll need some money, a place to stay, and something to eat too, right now you've got fourteen Throne Gelt in your pocket, and that'll get you nowhere as far as vice and narcotics are concerned.

> What do you want to do?

> Try and find a legitimate job, it'll get the Imperium's eye off your back and get you some change to spare.
> Try to get involved with the criminal underground, it'd be dangerous, but you can't think of a better way to get what you desire.
> Spread the word of Slaanesh, if you're gonna toppled the Hive, you're gonna need backup, and lots of it.

> Crowley

> Traits:
> Slaaneshi
> Psyker

> Mutations:
> Massive penis

> Skills:
> Lv1 Biokinesis

> Inventory:
> Rags (worn)
> 14$ Throne Gelt

>>2366880

> Spread the word of Slaanesh, if you're gonna toppled the Hive, you're gonna need backup, and lots of it.

>>2366885
> Spread the word of Slaanesh, if you're gonna toppled the Hive, you're gonna need backup, and lots of it.

>>2366885
>> Try to get involved with the criminal underground, it'd be dangerous, but you can't think of a better way to get what you desire.

>>2366888
To expand on this: If we go Cult, we can hide from both the authorities, which is good for obvious reasons, and the underground, who might roll over on us. A Cult, however, can consist of hundreds of honest and not-so-honest working people to get us what we need, and all we have to do is keep promising them the galaxy and occasionally fuck them.

>>2366885
0> Try to get involved with the criminal underground, it'd be dangerous, but you can't think of a better way to get what you desire.

Time to start an underground rave group

>>2366894
Ooh, shiny
>>2366885
This please.

>>2366886
>>2366888
>>2366900

Roll 1d100 and top DC:75 or I'm rolling on my bad shit table. You've got three tries, try not to samefag.

Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>2366909

High or low Blackman?

Rolled 59 (1d100)

>>2366909

Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>2366909

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>2366909
Here comes the snow.

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>2366911

High as a kite mo'fo. Lucky for you, that's only four off which gives you a sliiight bonus on the bad shit table.

>>2366917
Please tell me this was for the bad shit and not us.

>>2366916
>>2366917

Oh Lord Slaanesh I didn't think it would end this quickly...

> writing

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>Mfw it's just out of bounds so it doesn't count

>>2366916
>>2366917

I bet it was Tzeentch who did this shit

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>>2366917
>>2366916
Go out like a boss!

>>2366973

> *Chaos rhymin'

>>2366973

Oh goddamn it, time to run like a motherfucker

>>2366973
>play it off like you were playing a rhyme
>Continue on about how Slannesh and the other gods think they're so great till the emperor comes in and slaps chaos's shit
Yo man, the emperor is the shiz' you heard

File: Redemptionist.jpg (209 KB, 671x973)

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You're not gonna bother with a stable job, and you aren't gonna start slingin' dope on someone else's dime. Nooo, you've got something better in mind. A Cult of Slaanesh, with you at its head. The idea almost has you giddy, you'd call yourself a prophet, have a whole damned harem and a mountain of Throne Gelt, all to yourself. You, and nobody else.

It should be easy enough to convert a corpse-worshiper or two, child's play for a guy like you. Chaos hymin', bustin' hymens... Shit, are you humming heretical beats to yourself? You know there's plenty of pleasure to be found in music, but you never thought you'd be making it yourself. Dope ass shit.

You trudge along the sides of alleyways for a few hours, 'till you find an old man swaddled in rags. You're feeling confident and he looks down on his luck, so you decide to be up-front. You grab his shoulder, shake him awake, and ask, "Have you ever heard of Slaanesh, the Goddess of Pleasure and Perfection?" His eyes bolt open, "T-the s-sain'?" "No, I'm talking the Goddess, the TRUE Goddess, not the False Emperor, She can work REAL miracles. Submit your soul to Her, and the rest of your life'll be forever changed old man."

He scrambles away from you, and having a hand on his patchwork blanket, it slides off, revealing an Imperial Aquila tattoo. The old man shouts in terror and rage all at once while he runs faster than you've ever seen a man move. "HERETIC! HERETIC! HERETIC!" In a flash, he vanishes around the alleyway's corner and you're about to bolt when you see torchlight.

At least two dozen figures stand, clad in red robes and strange masks. In their hands, they grip chainswords, las rifles, and flamers alike. Their zealous chanting fills your heart with horror, as you realize what you now face.

"PURGE AND SCOURGE IN THE EMPEROR'S NAME!
ONLY THROUGH DEATH IS BLESSED REDEMPTION ATTAINED!
ONLY THROUGH RIGHTEOUS SLAUGHTER IS MANKIND'S SALVATION CLAIMED!
PURGE AND SCOURGE IN THE EMPEROR'S NAME!"

Redemptionists.

At least thirty of them, all armed to the teeth, all fanatically devoted to cleansing Chaos, all with their sights set on you. Fuck, you didn't think your career would end this soon!

> What do you do?

> Crowley

> Traits:
> Slaaneshi
> Psyker

> Mutations:
> Massive penis

> Skills:
> Lv1 Biokinesis

> Inventory:
> Rags (worn)
> 14$ Throne Gelt

>>2366986

Actually, this could work. If it doesn't then we bolt

>>2366983
>>2366986

Update had some nasty typos so I deleted and repost with a fix, you might wanna post again.

>>2366990
fuck, fine
>>2366987
>play it off like you were playing a rhyme
>Continue on about how Slannesh and the other gods think they're so great till the emperor comes in and slaps chaos's shit
Yo man, the emperor is the shiz' you heard

>>2366990

> *reposted

Fuck my life, but at least it's not as bad as Crowley's.

>>2366990

Ah shit

>>2366994

Supporting this, but added that if it doesn't work we bolt and blame it on the guy who we were talking to

>>2366987
They will fall prey to our sick musical free rap

>>2366989
>>2366994
>>2366998
>>2367022

You sure you want to try and freestyle your way out of this? If you pulled it off, it would be legendary, but if you fail, the time you waste will give a penalty to your roll to flee.

>>2367033
What is our life without our music. We must!

>>2367033

Fuck it, let's go for it

>>2367033
Drop that phat beat

>>2367033
"You wot, I rymin'
To do this chaos grime in!
A rap, to slayin'
'ave imperitor' is what I'm sayin'"
By the ruinous powers I hope this works.

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>>2367048

>>2367044
>>2367045
>>2367046
>>2367048

So it is, by Slaanesh! Roll 1d100 to defeat DC: 90. Thanks to >>2367048, add a +5 to your roll. You've got three chances, no samefagging.

Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>2367056

Rolled 26 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>2367056

Oh fuck

>>2367060
>>2367058
Mybe we should have thown in some dance moves as well?

>>2367058

Hey QM, since he didn't add the modifier can we get a reroll here?

Rolled 1 (1d100)

HAHA WERE FUCKED

Rolled 93 (1d100)

>>2367065
You shit.

>>2367065

You faggot

Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>2367065
Hey it wasnt linked so it dosnt count. Right?..... Right?

>>2367065
Damm right we are
Chainsword fucked in the dick hole>>2367066
Y didnt you roll fast we needed you
Reeee

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>>2367064

It'd be against the spirit of rolling, I'll add it to the result.

>>2367065

OH FUCK ME NEVERMIND! YOUR DEATH WAS PREORDAINED FOR SLAANESH'S AMUSEMENT, OH, THE INHUMANITY!

Rolled 55 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>2367064
>>2367065
Then we should be asking for this cunt
Dat got a 1

>>2367074
Or that they take us back to there place to get pruged
But we like it and end up turning them into cock love bitchs

>>2367078
Nuns need dickins too

>>2367074

Oh come on man, we can't go through a character death already because a nigger just rolled a 1

>>2367089
Lets just pick khorn next time

>>2367090

I want to actually do some shit with this character first

>>2367090
SUCK MY FIVE FOOT PREHENSILE COCK YOU INSUFFERABLE MURDER-SACK!

>>2367096
Hey hey i wasnt the asshole that rolled a one.

>>2367104
Sorry, I just really hate khorne flakes.

>>2367106
Oh well tzeentch is pretty cool too. We cpuld do that one.

Ill start namefagging now everyone else did

>>2367106
>>2367110

How about Undivided?

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Rolled 11 (1d100)

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

>>2367120
If its an option

>>2367120
That's fine, as long as you aren't blood meming

Rolled 77 + 5 (1d100 + 5)

>>2367056

Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>2367127
Nuh uh

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>>2367127

>>2367127
Anon, Christ had like a billion followers at one time. The Emperor's got like trillions, what did you expect?

>>2367090
I'm with you.

>>2367048

Oh shit, there's only one way out of this, and that's freestyle. You hum to yourself and feel a beat coming on. Like lightning, you're verbally fightin', the Redemptionists be reelin' at the profound feelin' you be bringing to bear, revealing you're no Heretic but a servant of the Emperor, so there.

You spread your arms wide and start to cry out,
"You wot, I rymin'
To do this chaos grime in!
A rap, to slayin'
'ave imperitor' is what I'm sayin'"

In response, the Redemptionist leader matches your rhythm with a shout,
"Your vile corruption is clear for all to see,
The light of the Emperor has abandoned thee,
Your soul has reaped and wrought damnation,
And only through flame can it find purification!"

You begin to retort, but your words find no import, as this priest's retort is so fly, your soul wishes to flee,

"Heretic fool, you are nothing more than a tool,
Of darkness so black as coal,
I weep for the fate of your very soul!"

You stumble back as he continues his attack,

"Thine sickening lust,
Shall be rendered unto dust,
Beneath the purity of the Emperor's flame,
Your hubris shall find you no fame,
You have no name,
You have no shame,
And now,
YOU
ARE
SLAIN!"

In an instant, a dozen las-bolts perforate your body but by some profane miracle you stay standing. Moments later, no less than three flamers set your flesh and soul afire. Not missing a beat, a dozen faithful men's bladed chains carve you limb from limb, and as your body burns in a mutilated pyre, you can't help but think, how you damned your spirit for the sake of desire.

> CROWLEY HAS BEEN SLAIN,
> IN WHAT MUST'VE BEEN TERRIBLE PAIN!
> THIS THREAD IS OVER,
> BUT DON'T WORRY, SOON I'LL START ANOTHER!

>>2367208

Well this was a waste of time

>>2367208
Oh boy, a new ques-
>Anons manage to kill the main character in 100 posts.
...I'm actually impressed.

>>2367235

I had fun, and I hope you did too. I'll start a new thread and archive this one, for future generations to see. If it's any consolation, you actually received a +10 to your result on the bad shit table, a few lower and you'd've been facing Adeptus Arbites.

>>2367239

Seriously though, this thread was ridiculous, the thirsting dice gods mock us, we must appease them!

>>2367306
That was weirdly fun, I'm kind of hoping the second heretic stoner kid lives a little longer but if anons make the second character different then I'm down for that too. In a way, it kind of felt like a normal day in the imperium, which is pretty funny in its own way.

>>2367306
God damn that ending was hilarious. Link the next thread when its up so we all can jump.