>>1820214
NO ORK!

>>1820237
GIT ZOGGED YA STINKIN GIT!!

WEZ ROIGHT PROPPA ORKZ!!

>GORK

>>1820214
BOTH YA GIT

File: bc48f3cdbb302f6f9dcfce766(...).png (264 KB, 450x375)

264 KB PNG

BOSS! DEYZ DONT GET IT

REAL BOYZ HAS DA CUNNINGNESS OF MORK!

FER ZOGGING SAKE YA GITZ, MAKE UP YER MINDS!!!
Youze all hollered fer sumfing different. Howze can I werk out what type o git you are if you is only a madboy about everything!

>>1820214
MORK!

>>1820357
>>1820327
ALL RIGHT DEN! YOUZE IS KUNNIN, BUT BRUTAL!

NOW. DAKKA, OR CHOPPA!!
>DAKKA
>CHOPPA

>>1820336
Pointz meh in da direction of sumding dat needz killn boss! ILL SHOWZ YA WUTZ KINDA GIT I IZ!

>>1820359

Choppa, bekase it is very klassy weapon.

>>1820359
DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA !!!

File: Needs_more_dakka.jpg (429 KB, 784x477)

429 KB JPG

>>1820365
I likez ta stik grotz az much az da next ork but ya can never have enough DAKKA!

>>1820359
Choppa's da weapon for proppa boyz!

>>1820359
WE'Z GONNA CHOP ALLLL DA GITZ.

>>1820392
>>1820388
>>1820365
Youze is roight chopy den.
Now, is you da sort of git who gets it done, or 'o looks good doin it?
>KILLY
>FLASHY

>>1820404
Corze we gitz i' done, but we'ze FLASHY Doin' it!
>FLASHY
Dat Style iz dat.

>>1820404
Any git can get da killen done, only the 'est can make 't sylish.

>>1820404
FLASHY
Blind them otha gitz to chop em up easier, o summfink.

>>1820404
Ya zoggin' grots dun' know dat tha' only roight an' proppa ork is
>KILLY
Ya squig-sniffin' gits.

File: hello-fellow-orcs.jpg (136 KB, 500x400)

136 KB JPG

>>1820404
FLASHY, of course.

All an ork has after he meets his bitter end is reputation. Gold, power, land, followers - these things are all fleeting. Only by shouting our name to the heavens as we strike down our foes can we ensure our name is remembered and our tale is sung in taverns across the galaxy, a glorious legacy that inspires future generations to great deeds in their own hour of destiny.

>>1820439
>>1820419
>>1820418
>>1820411
All roight yah git you iz dead flashy, you'ze sometimes even miss shots on other gitz just to make sumfink blow up.
Finally, is you roight proper Orky, or do ya sumtimes go sneakin around ta Crump some git.

>ORKY
>SNEAKIN

>>1820443
'eing sneaky iznt bein' flashy ya gitz! We proppa Orky.

>>1820404
We'z gonna be the biggest an' da 'ardest with da proppa looted gubbinz. We'z gonna ave da greatest flash, and da orkiest pointy stikk in da zoggin' Galaksy. WAAAAGGHH!

>>1820443
Az Orky as we kan! Az choppy and Orky az we can be!

>>1820443
Ded Orky.

>>1820443
Though stealth has its benefits, I find that I agree with this brother's reasoning >>1820450

We must stick to what we're best at, in order to be as "killy" as possible. ORKY

>>1820461
>>1820455
>>1820450
>>1820464

All roight ya gitz. Yah seem to be set on being Orky. Sylver Stallon be disappointed. He's been hopin fer another kommando. Roight, give me yer rolls, 4 sets of 2d6.

Rolled 4, 1 = 5 (2d6)

>>1820472

>>1820472
Alroigt Git!

>>1820472
Dis 'ill be eazy!

Rolled 2, 1 = 3 (2d6)

>>1820472
Here's one FOR MORK

Rolled 6, 6 = 12 (2d6)

>>1820477
Bollocks

File: disappointment.jpg (56 KB, 442x474)

56 KB JPG

>>1820487

Rolled 6, 1 = 7 (2d6)

>>1820472

>>1820490
The redeemer!

ALL ROIGHT YA GITZ! HERE ARE YER STATS!!!
Choppa 34
Dakka 21
Brutal 22
Orky 31
Sneakin 26
Cunnin 36
Killy 26
Flashy 31

Now, youze got a slugga and a choppa. Big Mek Vinny Petril can make one of dem special, or he can get you sumfing special but it won't be a weapon it'll be bitz or sumfing.

>>1820503
So what do yah want?
>Better Choppa
>Better Dakka
>Some Bitz? (Will be random)

>>1820506
A better choppa plays more to our strengths, but...

what could the bitz be? The bitz could be two good choppas.

DA BITZ

>>1820506
CHOPPPAAAAA

>>1820506
DA BITZ. Gotta 'ave me sum proppa flash.

>>1820506
Bitz! Gotta 'ave da randum box! Waaaagh!

>>1820519
>>1820515
>>1820508
All right ya gamblin gitz. Give me a 1d6.

>>1820506
Da Bitz of course!

Rolled 6 (1d6)

>>1820551

File: ork bike.jpg (135 KB, 777x438)

135 KB JPG

>>1820562
VROOM VROOM VROOM YAH GROT LOVERS!
YAH ROLLED UP A WARBIKE!!!!

>>1820568
Now, what are yer called? What do I yell when I'z wakes you up in a few posts time?

>>1820568
E're Boss, Duz thiz mean weze get a pike fer bike joustin?

>>1820570
Gubznitz Snazzwalka

>>1820570
Redtoof da Flashmasta!

File: Proppa Flash.jpg (160 KB, 900x587)

160 KB JPG

GET DA BOYZ. 'Dere's kwestin' ta do

>>1820643
Diz Kar is Green-Lightning?

>>1820570
Da Bika

>>1820672
Red-Lightnin' ya grot. Da red ones go fasta, rememba?

Make up yer mind about yer name then we'll see about getting you a trukk.

>>1820578
WE IZ REDTOOF DA FLASHMASTA AN' WE IZ GONNA KRUMP DA 'UMIES, DA STUMPS, DA PONCY GITZ AN ANY OTHA BOYZ DAT IZ IN AR' PATH!!!

WAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH

>>1820697
'right boss, Changing ta
>>1820679
As long as we'z gunna get some Orky Akkolades and flash new names on toppa dat.

>>1820682
But Green iz best.
Weze just give it green dice.

>>1820750
Zoggin' hell...neva mind boss

File: IMG_6057.jpg (291 KB, 1600x1200)

291 KB JPG

You lie ontop of your squighide bed dreamin of when da Warband of Flashcap Ornygold arrived on dis ere lump of fightin and metal. The Rok crashin into da erf, da boyz spilling out of it, ridin wif Da Stone crumpin those weird sentinellys an da humie trukks. Regrettin not brining yer elmet when Da Stone chose you to test his Hitty Seat on, pullin it off his bike and wacking you round da head. Gettin yer real nice flash jacket from one of the bigger humies, nice and lucky and shiny. Der Humie banna is still used as Da Stones battleflag, the humie words Jantine Patricians cut up and replaced wif Da Butchers of Plunder. Seein da real orky but real sneaky non-squishy humies arrive in der real flash metal mini roks. Gettin real stuck in wif dis fight but getting real bored fightin the same fing.

“REDTOOF YA FLASHY BIKER GIT! GET OVER TO MAH COMMANDY TENT!”

You jump up and smack yer ‘ead on yer roof. You recognise the dulcet tones of Warboss Ornygold. Despite the pretty long walk from where the kult o’ speed camps, you can still here him as if here were next to you. Then you remember the talky box the Warboss had had Vinny Petril put on all the bikes and trukks.

What do you do?
>Go to the Warboss now? By foot, or on yer Bike?
>Let Da Stone know where you are goin?
>Try to go back to sleep?

System is D100 roll under. I'll keep track of your health, weapon stats and ammo. Over time, you will probably be able to work out a lot of the stuff. There will be bonuses based on the situation, so don't be worried about how low some of your stats are at the moment.

>>1820844
>Go to the Warboss now? By foot, or on yer Bike?
On bike of courze. What kinda Ork leaves hiz ride behind?

>>1820844
>Go to the Warboss now, on yer Bike ta feel da speed tru me squig-hair wig.
'Ere we go!

>>1820844
>WELL RUN OUR WARBIKE STRAIGHT INTO HIS TENT AND DO A BURNOUT ON HIS SQUIGHIDE RUG

>>1820910
Changing to this as long as we POP A WHEELIE as well.

>>1820844
>Go to the Warboss now? On Warbike or foot?
Are yu a Grot? Course we're usin da Warbike!

>>1820910
>>1820944
>>1820864
>>1820951

Okay give me a Flashy Test with a +30 for being on your own kustom warbike. The better you roll, the better you will do. Best of 3 rolls of 1d100. so roll 1d100. Your target number is Flashy +30, so 61.

Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>1820956
Rollin

Rolled 79 + 30 (1d100 + 30)

>>1820956

Rolled 37 + 30 (1d100 + 30)

>>1820956

Rolled 64 + 30 (1d100 + 30)

>>1820964
Aw shit, didn't do it right.

>>1820982
Nope you were the only one who did it right. I repeat, the plus 30 is to your target number.

However, 37 is the best roll. 2 degress of success.
Writing now.

Rolled 14 + 30 (1d100 + 30)

>>1820956

>>1820996
Ah so we're doing the under certain roll huh?

>>1821007
yeah, Fantasy flight warhammer system.

>>1821012
Now that we have that outta the way...
REDTOOF DE FLASHY BIKER GIT WIL D' AS E' WANTZ

File: Fancycap Ornygold.png (784 KB, 1024x899)

784 KB PNG

You yank the cover off of yer bike, and jam yer black squig-wig beast onto your head. the wind in yer hair line has made it canon It chews a little on yer ear, before settling down and only wobbling every now and again. Yer bike roars to life, as several of yer mates heads stick out of their tents. Da Stone waves at you as you take off, and you see da Hitty Seat bounce on the road behind you. You ride up the side of the Mekshop, and jump across the small sheds containin the trukks and tracks of da Warband. The Commandy tent is up high in the camp, ontop of a hill. You jump onto the weapon arm of Vinny Petril’s Gorkanaut and jump ontop of the steel Commandy Tent. You land in front of it, and pull around, preparing to pop the wheelie, before your wheel is caught by a Klaw. Warboss Ornygold glares at you, before bouncing the bike back to the ground and walking back inside.
“Leave yer hunk of bitz outside, I need yer help.”

Goin inside, you see all of the Warbosses trophies lining the walls, the arm of one of those Humie Deffdredds, bro-fisting the arm of a Real Spikey Pointy boyz weird squishy Kans. It stinks a bit, but no way near as much as the huge pile of bottles and containers on the table opposite Ornygolds bed. As you enter, Ornygold grabs about three of them, and sprays them under his metal gob, before sniffing deeply and sighing.
“Perfekt. Zactly what I need”
He turns and fixes you with a glare.
“I’m meetin wif some gitz to make dis fight get propper killy propper quick. I need ta look my best, and some humie git shot my fancycap last scrap woz in.”
Indeed on the wall behind him, you can see his Fancycap, with about Many shotholes in it, destroying the glyph in the centre.
“I need you to get me a new Fancycap. As Fancy as possible. Get it from the humies. They took mah Fancycap, I’m gonna take a Fancycap from them! The Nobz’ll help you, if you ask them.”

>Say “Yes Boss”, and head off to one of the Nobz?
>Ask more questions?
>Try to suggest something else to amend the whole, no Fancycap thing.

>>1821090
>Say “Yes Boss”, and head off to one of the Nobz?

>>1821090
>Say "Yes Boss", and head off to one of the Nobz?

>>1821090
>You'z got it boss. I'll get you sum extra skullz fer yer Bosspole while I'm at it reel quick-like.

>>1821131
Switching to this

>>1821131
Obviously the correct answer

>>1821122
>>1821127
>>1821131
OKay which Nob will you go to? you can talk to 3 then use 2. The 2 you choose will be reflected in the plan you have. The more brutal the plan, the less fancy the hat, but simpler. The more cunnin' the plan the better hat, but harder plan to pull off.

Sylver Stallon
Kommando Nob. Dead sneaky, uses modded autokannon

Vinny Petril
Mekboy. Likes Traks over Trukks, and all his vehicles are Red and really Mad.

Arny Blackgit
Meganob. Lots of sparky bitz in him. Like, alot of sparky bitz.

Da Stone
Biker Nob. Keeps da gitz in line wif his hitty seat.

Jon Clud Trukk Zog
Stormboy Nob. Hates Trukks, likes kickin gitz while in flight.

Hurly Norris
Boyz Nob. Ded Hard, and throws boyz into da fight. 'ence da name.

Vinny Petril Or a warboss headteka

>>1821163
>Vinny Petril
>Da Stone

We'z ave Vinny charge wit his loud shooty Trakks from da front kreatin' an orky distraktion, to which Da Stone's boyz an we's flank the stupid humies and chop 'dere heads offa 'dere sholdas drivin tru 'dere ranks an compete for who has da best Fancycap and skullz afta. All in unda 5 minutez.

>>1821213
This

File: the former Fancycap.jpg (25 KB, 400x333)

25 KB JPG

Just to let you know, Ornygold tends not to have heads on his bosspole. He considers them "Garish" but keeps them ontop of his commandy tent. His boss-pole mainly has a huge flag showing an image of him stompin on a planet while waving his Fancycap in the air. Oh and pic related was the last Fancycap, just so you know what level he's expecting. His favorite Gretchin sat on top and looked for gitz to shoot.

>>1821213
Ey, if we's pop that wheelie while we's take the humie Fancycap, that's roight an' propa' FLASHY, eh?

>>1821237
We'z hafta make due wit da humies Fancy caps and stik dem togetha if dey ain't fancy enough for da Boss. Hopefully we Dekapitate a whole lotta 'dem loud, Nob-humies wit the tall fancycaps. We promised da Boss skullz, so he's gettin' skullz!

Ok so people seem set on Da Stone and Vinny Petril, but you can talk to one other Nob who will give you advice on the upcoming attempt. Do you want to talk to another nob, or just talk to the two you want to use?

>>1821298
>Jon Clud Trukk Zog
we'z shud muck about with da wanna-be Flyboyz. Dey can appreciate da art of goin' fasta.

>>1821298
Go ta Arny Blackgit. Git som' FLASH advoice innit?

>>1821490
Changing ta dis, we'z shuld meet wit da Nobbinator.

Its getting late for me, so I'll be running tomorrow evening, around 8pm UTC. We'll get right in with you meeting the three nobs and planning your escapde. So much like Arny, I'll be back.

File: 1342526713954.png (245 KB, 750x1000)

245 KB PNG

>>1821555
Just caught up and I must say I'm looking forward to it OP.

Dis quest iz roight propa Orky it iz.

>>1821555
The blatant and garish memery in this quest is pleasing to my cock

You, Da Stone, and Arny Blackgit are standing around the smoking engine of a large trukk, pondering the mysteries of why all vehicles seem to respond when Vinny Petril hits them repeatedly with a mallet. Vinny stops what 'es doin and looks at you.
"So, Da Boss wants a new Fancycap, and you iz goin to get one all quick smash like? Is gonna be tricky to get one from dem gitz we is scrappin with at tah moment."
""YEAH DAY AVE NO APPRESEASHUN OF DA FINER FINGS" bellows Arny, sparks flying everywhere.
Vinny speaks up again
"Owever, yah could always go and hit them gitz were dey ain't lookin, but really brutal like. I've gotta a flyboy testin what I call a flyin trukk, fer gettin boyz to dah fight vertikilly. We could load yah and sum bikes up, and yah would drop down on somewhere squishy, no sign of dem big sneaky beakies. Soarin Tommy would zoom yah in, and yah could drive out."
Da Stone looks apprehensively at Vinny.
"Ow is we not gonna get splatted? I'm not loosin my best ladz just cause yoo wanna test out sum zoomy fing."
Arny speaks up again
"VINNY GAVE ME DEESE! DEY KILL WHATS BENEATH YAH, AND WHAT SQUISHES UYAH WHEN YAH FALL!"
He gestures to a set of 4 small rockets on his back. Vinny gestures to a pile in the corner.
"I was tryin to make Stormgretchin so as to kill em off quicker, but de gretchin ran away every time I picked one of dem rockets up. I could strap a few on?"
Da Stone still looks doubtful.
"Or yah could just try findin sumfing fancy in dah humies near here"

>Decisions
>Travel behind the front lines, find a fancy hat and ride out, after rocket jumpin down?
>Try to find something fancy here on the front lines. (And every other nob has a commissar hat, you'll need better)

>>1824089
>Travel behind the front lines, find a fancy hat and ride out, after rocket jumpin down?
Da warboss wants a fancy cap, we'll get 'em a fancy cap.

>>1824130
Agreed, but only if we'z strap da Gretchin-Rokkits to da warbike fo' da aireal drop. We'z gonna hafta scout fer wun of da humie's warboss fancycaps.

>>1824130
>>1824143
>ROCKET WARBIKE AERIAL ASSAULT

MAXIMUM KILLY.

>we need to mount some autokannons onto the front of our WARBIKE cause fuckyes.

>>1824089
GIT DAT SQUIG OUTTA YER EAR YA GROT

>>1824219
>>1824143
>>1824130
>Several Hours pass...
You look dubiously at your Warbike. Strapped to each side are 3 small rockets, all linked by a single cord to the place where a lever used to be on your bike. Then to each wheel are strapped another rocket each. The uge flyin trukk rattles as a voice comes over the talky box.
"AYEEEWAY TOO DAH KILLYPLACE! KILLYPLACE!!!!" Flyboy Soaring Tommy seems happy.

The three bikerboyz who Da Stone hit until they handed their bike over to Vinny are bouncing up and down as gently as an ork can upon thier bike seats, and tapping the rockets attached to their bike gently. Vinny swivels his seat around from the gunna seat in the middle of the trukk, and laughs.
"Trust me boyz, I nevah made sumfing that don't blow up till it was meant too."
"But mek, we's is normally not ontop of it when it does. We Ain't Jon Clud Trukk Zogg, we don strap bombs to us."
"SHADDUP YAH GITZ! Now, stick yer head out da hole and start shootin, we'z got incomming!!""
Indeed, you can hear the sound of smooth-running, unorky engines over the sound of the rattling of your own transport. Sticking your head out, you can see 3 specks coming nearer.

>What do?
>Shoot yah Slugga at Dem!
>Turn ya Warbike around, open dah Hatch, and Shoot yah Dakkaguns on da bike at dem!

>>1824266
>>Turn ya Warbike around, open dah Hatch, and Shoot yah Dakkaguns on da bike at dem!

>>1824266
>Turn ya Warbike around, open dah Hatch, and Shoot yah Dakkaguns on da bike at dem!

This is an amazing quest, even if I know nothing about 40k and Ork mannerisms

>>1824266
>Turn ya Warbike around, open da hatch, and shoot ya Dakkaguns on da Bike at dem!

Yah spin yer bike around and hit dah big blue button next to yah. the hatch swings down, and you are lookin out da back of da Flying trukk.

Give me a Dakka Test, 3 times. I'll take the best result of 3 people rolling 3d100.

Rolled 39, 49, 82 = 170 (3d100)

>>1824540
Please be good, please be good, please be good.

Rolled 47, 57, 30 = 134 (3d100)

>>1824540

Rolled 2, 91, 87 = 180 (3d100)

>>1824540
>DAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKA
Dakka.

Rolled 59, 69, 54 = 182 (3d100)

>>1824540

>>1824613
>>1824556
>>1824551
You press da shooty button, and the three kannons on yer bike roar into life. Bullets fly out and you see one of the small specks jerk upwards sharply, before nosediving towards the ground. However, as you stop shooting to re-aim, you hear a rattling roaring sound from your bike. The Rockets are glowing at the bottom....

>Do you
>Pull the Lever KRONK! (And drop all the bikes now, about 1 tanks worth of fuel away from where you intended to drop. Don't worry your still behind enemy lines. An whats that grey blob below you?)
> Re-aim and shoot again.

>>1824628
>Re-aim and shoot again.

>>1824628
>Pull the Lever KRONK! (And drop all the bikes now, about 1 tanks worth of fuel away from where you intended to drop. Don't worry your still behind enemy lines. An whats that grey blob below you?)

WAAAAAAGGGHHH!!!!!

what the fuck am i even reading, this is a thing of buerty.

>Pull the Lever KRONK!

i see wat u did there

>>1824628
>>Pull the Lever KRONK! (And drop all the bikes now, about 1 tanks worth of fuel away from where you intended to drop. Don't worry your still behind enemy lines. An whats that grey blob below you?)

>>1824709
>>1824637
Ya reach out and grab the lever next to you. Vinny looks at you and shakes his head. A soft "wheee!!!!" sound comes from below you. Your bikes remain where they are.
"WRONG LEVER REDTOOFF!!" Vinny yells. "When we'z above the target you pull this lever ya git" He gestures to the lever next to him.

"Like this", as he pulls it.

The three boyz look at you with mild annoyance as the 4 of you fall towards the ground. Below you, you can see about 5 large red shapes falling in the same direction as you. They look like Burnabombs. They are Burnabombs. You feel a need to hold onto your bike right now...
Give me a Brutal Test, you've got a +10 for expecting dis sort of fing to happen.

>>1824746
So to make that clear, you guys roll a d100 and your target number has +10. Not your roll.

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>1824746

>>1824752
Brutal as fuck

File: fucking brutal.png (136 KB, 325x325)

136 KB PNG

>>1824752

>>1824752
All right yah git. Give me a d6

Rolled 5 (1d6)

>>1824777

>>1824752
>BRUTALITY BEYOND COMPARE

I still need 2 rolls ya gits. You might have critted, but Im still hopin for ma crit fumble.

Rolled 6 (1d6)

>>1824777
Ayeaye

>>1824846
Thats 2 more d100 rolls, not d6's

Rolled 39 (1d100)

>>1824746

Rolled 58 (1d100)

>>1824851
Does this make me a git?

>>1824752
>>1824860
>>1824865
Yah grab tight on yer bike, then hook yer feet into the hoops you put on so you could dual weild while riding. You look around at yer boyz, and see all of them are holdin on fer dear life. Below you, the Burnabombs go off. About the same time as the grot-rockets strapped to yer bike go off. Ya feel like Da Stone had just kicked you up the arse as you stop moving briefly. Then resume falling. then stop again, as another rocket goes off. this continues till you drop about a metre onto the now burning earth. Yer boyz land in perfect formation behind you, and you see the grey blob you had seen while looking out of the Flyin trukk. Its a humie tent fingy, but made of rock. The inside is full off smoke, and you hear choking and spluttering coming from inside. You can see a road headin off towards a grey smudge on the horizon.

>Dismount and go into the bunker, Choppa and Slugga ready?
>Begin heading for the smudge?
>Somefink else?

>>1824868
Youze all gitz to me

File: totallyanorkmybrother.png (404 KB, 497x475)

404 KB PNG

>>1824886
Secure the bunker, by force if necessary! We must press the advantage of shock and awe, smash the enemy, for Mork!

Rolled 5 (1d6)

>>1824886
>>Dismount and go into the bunker, Choppa and Slugga ready?

>>1824886
>Dismount and go into the bunker, Choppa and Slugga ready?
GET OUR CHOPPA OUT AND GET TA FOIGHTIN
BUSTAN IN LIKE THOS' SNEAKY TANKBUSTA ROKKITS ON A HUMIE TRUKK, 'SPESHULLY WHEN DEY DON' PEEP US COMIN', IS ROIGHT AN' PROPPA CUNNIN BUT BRUTAL

>>1824945
>>1824938
>>1824937
Give me a Choppa roll! Target number is 64 (34+30)

Rolled 71 (1d100)

>>1824975
Let's rock.

Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>1824975

Rolled 56 (1d100)

>>1824975
For the emp- uhh MORK! WAGH!

Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>1824975

>>1824977
>>1824985
>>1824986
>(47) 1 degree of success)
Yah strut into dah bunker, Choppa ready. A humie runs at you, waving what looks like a glowy straight choppa. You jump to the side, and cave 'is head in. One of ya boyz chucks a stikkbomb into a door, and the other two set about the other humies in the room. A few moments later, the only sound is your bikes and da boyz chucklin at how easy dis was.

>Look around the bunker? For a hat or uvver stuff.
>Head out and get on yer bike?
>Other???

>>1825014
>>Look around the bunker? For a hat or uvver stuff.

Find some shinny bitz and extra dukka

>>1825014
Do wot this git >>1825020 said, but take the humie's glowy choppa. Now tha's a FLASHY choppa roight dere boyz.

>>1825014
>Look around the bunker? For a hat or uvver stuff.

>>1825020
>>1825029
>>1825033
All roight yah gitz give me a cunnin' test.

Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>1825035
Mork plz

Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>1825035

>>1825029
Also seconding this

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>1825035

GIIIITTT!!

Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>1825035

>>1825046
Mad cunnin you crafty git

>>1825046
O'll roight ya git gif me a d6

Rolled 4 (1d6)

>>1825052

>>1825046
YOUZ BLOODY GIT! NOW WHERE ALL OUT OF DAKKA

>>1825056
It's roll under so that was a crit success, weez all loaded up on dukka now mate

Rolled 4 (1d6)

>>1825052

>>1825056
>>1825062

Always bet on DAKKA

>>1825062
I thou't MOAR wuz BETTA. Wot gives m8?

>>1825068
We're using the Fantasy Flight Warhammer system. Basically the lower we roll on those d100 tests the better. So a 1 is a crit success and a 100 is a crit fail

>>1825074
Cool.

File: Dark_Heresy_Ascension_2_b(...).jpg (172 KB, 1021x734)

172 KB JPG

>>1825039
>>1825042
>>1825046
(1) 3 degrees of success)
Yah swipe da humie gitz flashy choppa. Its a bit too small for you to use, but if you got three maybe vinny could whip up a claw or sumfing....

You keep on flippin bodies over, checking their heads for flash. All you find is some humie helmets and a small black hat dem shouty humies wear. Owever, as you is rootin through der pile'o'guns in der corner you notice a small piece of paper that catches yer eye.
"Oh Zogg me..." you whisper lookin at it. Its beutifool. A git in a weirdboy fingy sittin on a seat wif da biggest hat you eva saw a humie wear.... Lookin a da writin at dah bottom, you can make out... "Arriving To Crush the Xenos Horde! All True Servants of The Emperor Rejoice, for the Pilgrimage of Cleansing has Arrived!"
Beneath da pic of da git in da fancy hat is a huge picture of da area wif a circle on it. A line goes from da Circle to a huge green blob labeled "XENOS SCUM". Da Circle must be where da Fancy git iz! youg et yer lads together, and begin headin towards da blob on da paper. You walk into a wall, then realise you need to go outside if you are going to arrive there. You mount up, and head off along the road!

>How to approach this?
>Cunnin? Go around the edge, then kibosh sum guards and hit and run?
>Brutal? Accelerate towards da city, an find dis git and take his hat?
> Both? Hide outside da city and wait fer this git to come out to get da boyz?

>>1825094
>> Both? Hide outside da city and wait fer this git to come out to get da boyz?

>>1825094
>Cunnin? Go around the edge, then kibosh sum guards and hit and run?

WE ARE KUNINNGING BRUTAL

>>1825094
>Cunnin? Go around the edge, then kibosh sum guards and hit and run?

I think this is best, anywhere he travels will be accompanied by guards expecting ambush. But few men are fully alert when they feel safest.

>>1825094
>Cunnin? Go around the edge, then kibosh sum guards and hit and run?
REMEMBUH TO BE REEL FLASHY LIKE
POP WHEELIE WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE OUT

>>1825131
yes, itll be our signature move

>>1825142
>USING WHEELIES TO DODGE ROAD HAZARDS WHILE BEING REAL FLASHY
I'm hype.

>>1825094
>> Both? Hide outside da city and wait fer this git to come out to get da boyz?

Have da boyz attack in from eida side inna pinsa fo'mashion. Kunnin', Brutal, and FAST.

>>1825131
>>1825142
>>1825145
WE NEEDZ MO' GLOWIN' STAIGHT CHOPPA BITZ SO WE'Z CAN STICK'UM ON DA WARBIKE'S FRON' WHEELZ SO DEM WHEELIEZ CAN BE REEL CHOPPY AND DED KILLY.

Oh btw, your basically almost a nob, sort of like Da Stones Right-tenant. He has already stated his Hitty Seat is his left-tenant.

>>1825068
>>1825062
Sorry lads, thought it was roll under. I'll show myself to the chppa

All right I'll see you guys at 8pm UTC tommorrow (technically today for me). We will conduct the Heist!

>>1825161
Now that, as they say, is 'ded kunnin.

>>1825186
This is a good fucking quest. Keep that shit up.

>>1825186
Oh dammit, I got here just in time to catch the end, again.

Yah circle around da big camp fingy you came to. Yah notice dat most of da buildins are empty, and dere's a bunch o racket commin from da middle bit. Yah sneak around to a road goin in, and being to wheel down slowly. You come to a corssroads, and see a small group of orks wif sum bikes! More Orks? Wait, deyze got humie heads, not orky heads. And der bikes are piddly.Dah nob of da wierd humie orks has a piece o paper out and is yellin at da uvvers.
"You imbecile, we were supposed to be in position 10 minutes ago, and we are lost in the slums!The Arch-prelate will never hire us again!"

>What to do?
>Sneak up and attack dem?
>Go loud wif sluggas an bike kannons?
>Wait and see wat happens?

>>1827019
>Go loud. Maximum Dakka

>>1827019
>>Wait and see wat happens?
Stupid humies betta lead us to dat Fancycap before we'z krump 'em.

>>1827019
>Sneak up and attack dem?

Try and get one to reveal what he knows, the "nob" if we can.

>>1827019
>>Go loud wif sluggas an bike kannons?
Run one o'dem ovva!

>>1827019
>>>Wait and see wat happens?

By Mork we are gonna be sneaky gitz.

>>1827019
>>1827108
I forgot we were Mork boyz. Changing my vote to
>Wait and see what happens.

>>1827285
>>1827268
>>1827060
Da Humie Nob points at is piece of paper
"Now, we go along this road here, and then take a left tunr. we join on the end of the parade as the examples of the foul Xenos Menace, people will yell, jeer, the standard. Twist your handles to rev them, that seems to make the crowds excited."
He reaches into the bags ont he side of his bike and pulls out a HUGE Choppa, wif what looks like buzzy bitz. He then takes out an ork head?

>Attack wif choppa? (Loud but deadly)
>attack wif dakka? (Alot Louder and Deadlier)
>Wait a little more?

>>1827310
By Mork, that is brilliant. They'll never know what hit them.

>Attack wif choppa? (Loud but deadly)

But also, how many "humies?" We can't allow any to escape.

>>1827338
you count 1, 2, few, many, few many...

>>1827349
Alright, that sounds vaguely like it could possibly be a small enough group, affirming my vote

>>1827338

>>1827310
>>Attack wif choppa? (Loud but deadly)
Chop dem up boyz!

>>1827310
>>Attack wif choppa? (Loud but deadly)
Let's get stuck in then take their map, it'll lead us to more gits like them.

>>1827393
>>1827383
>>1827338
All right gif me a Choppa test. yah got a +20 so yah target numba is 54.

Rolled 44 (1d100)

>>1827400
WWAAAUUUGHH!

Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>1827400
WAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!

Rolled 23 (1d100)

>>1827400
WAGH!

Rolled 80 (1d100)

>>1827400
WAAAGGHH!!!

Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>1827400

WAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!

>>1827418
>>1827408
>>1827406
>(23) 3 Degrees of success)
It ain't pretty but it sure is orky.You and your lads charge out, and begin hacking into the weird Humie Orks. You soon realise that they are just Humies, but wearing arma that looks like Orks. It ain't very good arma doh. You reduce dem to a pile'o'bitz. It looks like all dah gitz bitz are not very good. Dah Buzzychoppa is really light, and all dah buzzy's been taken out. And dah bikes make alot of noize, but dey smell wrong and don't go fast. You do find the piece of paper the guy was looking at. It is dah map of a fing called a "Parade". deez gitz were meant to be on dah parade here. And you look just like dem...

>What do?
>Impersonate the Humie Orkz, becoming Ork Humie Orkz?
>Attack da parade! Der ain't no way they'll have more dakka than 4 bikerboyz right?
>Other?

>>1827469
>Attack da parade! Der ain't no way they'll have more dakka than 4 bikerboyz right?

>>1827469
>Impersonate the Humie Orkz, becoming Ork Humie Orkz?

Mork iz proud! We gotta take da fancy cap.

>>1827469
>Impersonate the Humie Orkz, becoming Ork Humie Orkz?

I see no possible way this plan could go wrong.

>>1827469
>>Impersonate the Humie Orkz, becoming Ork Humie Orkz?

>>1827487
>>1827485
>>1827484
All roight ya gitz give me a cunnin roll.

Rolled 21 (1d100)

>>1827520

Rolled 87 (1d100)

>>1827520

Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>1827520

Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>1827520

Rolled 72 (1d100)

>>1827520

Rolled 73 (1d100)

>>1827520

>>1827556
Oy, you've dunnit now, boy!

Hey QMs internet went down,and now it is late. So I will see you all on Saturday at 8pm.

Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>1827520

File: IMG_1259.jpg (200 KB, 882x630)

200 KB JPG

By Mork dis ere iz a zoggin good thread ladz

File: 1486392960132.jpg (325 KB, 1280x720)

325 KB JPG

>>1829070
wots dis den? Feelz like /tg/ circa the first DOW game, perhaps even back in warhammer wednesdays; and that...feels good.

>(7) 4 Degrees of success)
You and yah boyz roll along da road fer a bit. Soon ya see a huge bunch a humie battlewaggons in a line, wif loads o cheerin humies either side. A Humie inna dead sneaky robe sees you and points between two... very big humie battlewagons. Wif about 12 barrels of pure dakka.... You roll along slowly through the streets, feeling rather exposed, due to the amount of dakka pointed at you from behind. Huge groups of humies cheer you and all are chanting a name.

"Eborax! Eborax!" Dis ere Eborax must be dah fancy git you saw on dah paper. After about one gamelength of toss the gretchin, youze drives up to a huge wall, an go under da gate, made up of two huge gitz one dats a faulty stormboy, (Ez got wings, not a rokket?) and one dat looks right tough (ezz painted all black). Inside is a roight proper big commandy tent, bout da size of a gargant. And, der it is. Dah git wif da Fancycap! He standin wif a Humie Mek, and sum uvver gitz. 'es wavvin at does humie gitz infront of yah. Anuvver dead sneaky git walks up next to you and speaks.
"By the Saints, di you have to rub grow dung on yourself to get the stentch right? Your only actors! Anyway, go infront of Arch-prelate Eborax, do something fancy for the holo-vid, then leave quickly, the Baneblades will take forever to get through, each one is doing a salute."
'E den gestures for you to go inta dah big open area infront of dah git wif da Fancycap.

>What now?
>Enter and show off?
>Attempt to steal that hat now?
>Other? Write in.

File: 1428616693415.png (4 KB, 450x450)

4 KB PNG

Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>1833116
Enta an show off, THEN take da fancycap.

>>1833116
>>Enter and show off?

Time to be a flashy ork.

>>1833116
>Enter and show off?
TIME TO GIT FLASHY WHILE WE STAY STEALTHY

>>1833116
>Enter and show off
>Sabotage da Parade wit 13 barrels o' hell
>Take da Fancycap in da confuzion

>>1833152
>>1833161
>>1833186
Olroight ya gitz, Gif me Flashy Test. No bonus, cause ders more impressif fings dan you ere.

Rolled 79 (1d100)

>>1833243

WAAAUGH!!!

Rolled 10 (1d100)

>>1833243
WAAAGH!!!

Rolled 64 (1d100)

>>1833243
WAAAUGH!!
>>1833296
Noice!

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>1833243
WAAAAAGH!!

Rolled 99 (1d100)

>>1833243
WAAAGH!!

>>1833324
Oh shit lmao

>>1833324
youze is lucky I canz only count to three...

>>1833255
>>1833296
>>1833320
>(10) 3 degrees of success)
Youze revs yer engine real good, den zoom off into dah big area. Yah boyz follow yah, and you all begin popping wheelies and doing spins. Its only becuase you are used to hearing the incoming sound of Dah hitty Seat that you realise the Humie in dah Fancycap is talkin to dah mek humie next to it.
"Vitruvius, is it just me, or does that actor there have an actual powersword? I was not aware we were arming them with real weaponry to make them look more authentic. Emperor knows they have nailed the smell. Remember that Warlord out in the Planet of 500 teeth? When Domique fell into the squiq pit and expended all her pertoleum burning everything in there to get out... ahhh, good times."
"Eborax, that is not an actor. That bike is not a recreation it is a legitimate example of an Ork Warbike, or waaagghhhbike as they pronounce it. (MILD CONCERN)"
Uh-oh.
>What now?
>ATTACK!!!
>Keep on showing off?
>Other, Write in!

>>1833370
ATTACK!!!! WAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

>>1833370
STEAL DA FANCY-CAP, DEN ATTACK!

WAAAAAAGHHHH!!!!!!!

>>1833370

"HUMIE GIT, DAT'S NOT HOW YOU WAAAGH!"

>>1833370

>Other, Write in!

Time to show of our biking skills, try to find a ramp so that we can do flying stunt over the the humie with fancycap and steal it like a looter.

>>1833370
BACKING >>1833402
IF NOT, THEN >>1833393 >>1833400

Well thats three for attack. okay, I'll need 3 rolls of 2d100. first one is dakka, to shoot everything, the second is sneakin', to grab the Fancycap before anyone can react.

>>1833402
This.

Rolled 64, 16 = 80 (2d100)

>>1833402
i change to this

Rolled 5, 36 = 41 (2d100)

>>1833413
WAZDAKKA!!

Cool, different option. Same rolls, but this time, Flashy and Sneakin

I'll keep the two rolls above me.

>>1833473
Okay.

WAAAAAGGGGHHHH

Rolled 79, 35 = 114 (2d100)

>>1833473

File: 1471068568229.png (61 KB, 306x421)

61 KB PNG

Rolled 84, 10 = 94 (2d100)

>>1833476
Forgot the fucking roll

Rolled 49, 55 = 104 (2d100)

>>1833473

>>1833454
>>1833470
>>1833477
>Flashy (5) 2 degrees of success)
>Sneakin (16) 1 degree of success)
You glance at yer boyz, and dey glance at you. You rev yer bike, and slam yer foot down on dah zoomy pedal. Yer bike shudders beneath you, and a huge plume of smoke pours out fro yer smokey pipes, mixing with the tire smoke. You see dah fancy gitz eyes widen, as you accelerate towards him, yer boyz flanking you. You hit the steps leadin up to where he is.
"Dominique!" he yells. You accelerate towards him, then hit the stand fingy he was in. Going straight up, yah spin upside down as you go over him. You reach down and grab dah fancycap! It comes off in yer grip, and yer tuck it under yer arm. You accelerate up day side of day big commandy tent, as a hail of dakka flies past you as da Battlewagon beneath you beigns shooting. yah hear a boom as one of yah boyz is hit. Yah reach dah top of dah commandy tent fing and can see the edge of the city. You also see a speck, moving free quickly in your direction....

>What now?
>Escape directly towards the warband?
>Go back the way you came in, then try to get back?
>go the opposite way to the way you came in?
>Go away from dah warband! Dey won't expect that!

>>1833537
>Escape directly towards the warband?
Ey boss, 'ere's yer fancycap.

>>1833537
>>Escape directly towards the warband?

>>1833537
>Tell da boyz to split up into di'ferren direktshions and meet back wit da Warband lader..

>>1833537
Escape die-rectly tords da war-band, and gif' da fancy-cap to da boss!

File: This is what just happened.jpg (199 KB, 608x876)

199 KB JPG

Pic related while I type. I got distracted.

You'ze guns yer bike engines reel hard, and jump off dah roof of dah big commandy tent. Youze guns it towards da rest of dah boyz, yer boyz followin you. You have day fancycap clamped firmly under yer arm, and are havin a right giggle at what dat fancy humie git looked like when you swpied it when the hat begins to speak.
“FOUL XENO!!!! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS INSULT TO THE SERVANT OF THE DIVINE EMPEROR!!!! I HAVE INCINERATED THOUSANDS OF YOUR KIND, AND I WILL DO SO TO YOUR PITIFUL WARBAND AS WELL!!!!
Another voice cuts in this one higer pitched but still as aggressive.
“THIS INSULT TO EBORAX, ARCH-PRELATE OF HIS DIVINE MAJESTY WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED! I, DOMINIQUE, PALATINE DIVINAE OF THE ORDER OF THE CRIMSON SHROUD WILL PERSONALLY BRING YOU IN CHAINS BEFORE HIM, STRIPPED OF YOUR “FLASH” AND BEGGING FOR THE END!”
Oh dear. Dis is one of dem gitz who can speak cotation marx. Is a myfikal powa dat sum wyrdboyz have dat makes der speakin really pointed and emphsissizled. Just as you realise this, the road next to you turns into glass. Looking behind you, you see a humie git in gold and red armour, aiming what looks like a flamy mega blasta, while …. hoverin. Yah didn’t know dat humies had stormboyz who could not fly into trees! Its linin up anuvver shot on yah.

>What to do, what to do?
>Turn and fight?
>Dodge and Evade sneaky like?
>Press da red button on yer bike?

>>1833670
>>Press da red button on yer bike?

>>1833670
Press da red button all proppa' like!

Straight trough da woods!!

>>1833670
>Press da red button on yer bike.
>"WARBOSS ORNYGOLD AN IZ ORKSPENDABLES SENDS DER' REGAHDS, HUMIES. WE'ZE COMIN BACK, AN I'ZE GONNA CHOP YOU'ZE MESELF! WAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!"

>>1833712
>>1833707
>>1833678
Give me a d100. I will only accept the first one.

Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>1833722

Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>1833722

>>1833726
VROOOOM VROOM VROOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!! BOYZ!

>>1833726
I thought lower was better?

>>1833726
Uh-oh.

>>1833726
Ya git...

I'll sya this. Low is good for skill checks. For Warp and Weird stuff??? High means funny stuff happens.

You slam yer ‘ead down onto the big red button in between yer zoomy handle and yer dakka stick. You just remember to grab onto the squig hide rope wif yer teef as the bike jumps forwards with an almighty roar. You try to mutter sumfing cool back at the hat, which is still screaming angrily at you, but then realise that would involve flying off yer bike at high speeds, since one hand is holding the fancycap, the other is holding the zoomy handle and yer feet are flat down on both zoomy pedals. Only your teef are keeping you on the bike at this point. The Hat crackles and stops speaking. You realise it has a circle in the centre of it with a talky box in it. So the hat wasn’t talking to you. However, its facnyness has just shot up. Yer boyz behind you have also hit der buttons, but one is vapourised by da angry humie wif da mega blaster. You shoot out of dah city and don’t stop. Wait, dats der humies wif dah green arma and are sneakin. And one of der battlewagons. A Predatytor you fink. You vaguely hear a shout of

“By the Emperor!”

but you are already a mile down the road. You have left yer boyz far behind, their red buttons have stopped a long time ago. You can see a Stompa in the distance, its dakkaering away at dah humies. You lean over and use yer helmets horns to nudge the steery lever over and aim towards it. As you turn a gang of humies into red paste, you suddenly are somewhere else. Two huge orks are looking you, while two golden gitz and a bird fing are lookin at some pices of paper.
“Oy. What yer doin yah git. Youze ain’t meant to be here. Dis is fer propa gitz. Come back when you iz one.”

You open yer eyes to see Vinny lookin down at you. His buzzysaw waving back and forth infront of yer eyes.
“Oi. Let go of it. I need to make dah talkybox work again. An add dis ere brim I wipped up.”
behind him a gretchin is holding a huge circle of sheet metal wif a hole cut out of it.

>give Vinny the Fancycap?
>Don’t give it to him?
>tell him about what yer just saw?

>>1833772
U wot boss?

>>1833772
Dat didn't reashur me at all, Boss.

>>1833786
>give Vinny the Fancycap.
>tell him about what yer just saw.

>>1833786
>give Vinny the Fancycap
>Oy Boss! I jus' saw ol' GORK n' MORK 'emselves in meh 'ead! They tol' me I gots ta' be a PROPA' GIT 'fore I can go ta' 'em again!

>>1833786
>give Vinny the Fancycap
>Oy Boss! I jus' saw ol' GORK n' MORK 'emselves in meh 'ead! They tol' me I gots ta' be a PROPA' GIT 'fore I can go ta' 'em again!

Qm needs to sleep now. Next time we will finish up this quest, etc. See you all at 8pm, Technically this evening, Sunday.

Qm passed out at 6oclock and only woke up now. Apologies...

>>1837183
Sounds like we needs ta use da Hitty Seat on ya, Boss.

Where's da Boss? Where's da Dakka?

WE'S BORED!!

This better be archived.