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/qst/ - Quests

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Between the islands of Kauai of Oahu, Hawaii; 500 feet below the Pacific Ocean’s surface: you’re born.

2017 (a few months from now)
A thought enters your fish brain that had never entered before. Normally your thinkin’s range from “I’m hungry” to “I’m tired”, now; however, you think “I want to be President of The United States of America”.

You are a frilled shark, a fish characterized by unforeseen political ambition and an unusual appearance: a long, slender, eel-esque body, big black eyes, a snake like mouth with trident shaped teeth, jutting gills, and a large “fluffy” tail. You decide to take a long swim over to mainland America.

Six months later you arrive at a Center for “Marine Biology Research” near Drakes Bay in San Francisco, California. Some guy found you as you surfaced at Drakes Beach, he repeatedly tried to put you back in the water but you stubbornly kept flopping back onto the sand. Nearing death from lack of water and the depressurized surroundings, a group of well-to-do beachgoers start to rush you to the Center. You feel yourself blackout as death takes you
You awake suddenly in a large vat of high pressure water that mimics the deep ocean depths. You’ve been resuscitated. You see a flurry of people in white coats pass by, one notices you.

“It’s alive” the person, female, remarks.

“Huh, look at that” a different person, male, replies.

The aforementioned man walks up to the vat and starts speaking to you.

“Awake? What is a frilled shark doing in San Francisco?”

I’m here to compete in the primaries for the U.S’s 2020 election, you think to yourself, but how are you going to communicate this to these researchers? You need to be on the campaign trail by 2019, but first...

>are you male or female?
Let's be female. The Wikipedia page on frilled sharks says that females have longer mid-sections than males, and it's a known fact that the taller (or longer) candidate always wins in presidential elections.
This guy knows what's up!

"It appears female" a third researcher examined "look at her length, I'd say she's... six and a half feet long, give or take"

"Oh yes, very true!" the man standing at your tank replies "But that still doesn't explain why it threw itself on the beach"

I want to be president!, you scream internally, you begin to swim rapidly in the restricted area of the vat in frustration.

"She seems agitated, do you think she's trying to escape?" the female researcher asks.


"Probably, we should do a basic check-up, tag her, then release her back into the ocean"


"Yeah, it may even be worth it to send her to Australia, were the rapid upper water currents will prevent her from resurfacing onto land again"

No, no, no!

"Good idea, Dr. Fessenden"

Fuck, you stop swimming and begin to think hard. You need a way of convincing them not to throw you back into the ocean or send you to Australia. How do you get them to keep you on land?
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>it's a known fact that the taller (or longer) candidate always wins in presidential elections.
>six and a half feet long
It's in the fucking bag now.

>How do you get them to keep you on land?
It's time to try evolving, bitches.

Use our nightmarish eyes to communicate. Afix gaze on a scientist and attempt to speak his language. We must demonstrate we are no ordinary Frilled shark!
Do we know morse code? we could bump the side of the tank with SOS repeatedly. Even if the scientists don't understand it, they will noticed the 3-3-3 pattern we create.
"What do you say, girl, ready to go home?" the researcher by the tank speaks to you cheerily.

You swim up to tank until your 'snout' is touching the glass, you turn, slowly and deliberately, until his eyes, old but sincere, are parallel to one of your eyes, dead and placid. He stands transfixed by the seemingly languid yet intense visage your look brings.

"Damn, she's eerie" one of the nearby researchers says.

"Ha ha, yeah" the man you've been staring at says nervously, he begins pulling back his collar and wiping his face of the sweat that has begun to precipitate from his forehead.

"Maybe, uh, maybe" he coughs into his sleeve "maybe we should hold off on releasing her, just
for a while"

Some of the other researchers seem baffled by this, one speaks out:

"Why? We'd have to allocate space we're using to house the oth-"

"Maybe you listen to your senior lab operator" the formally cheery man interrupts coldly, his demeanor having took a complete 180. He looks at you once more before finishing "She stays, transfer her to the holding tank in Room C"

A few days later.
Day in, day out, researchers tentatively come into Room C to feed you and take blood. Although you've been passive insofar, the "Eerie" nickname has stuck, and the looks you're getting now won't be good for PR.

The good news is that they won't be sending you away anytime soon, the bad news is that they don't realize how desperate you are to begin running for president. You need to make this known to them, how do you do so?
I repeat my suggestion. Once people know we're intelligent, we'll be in the oval office in no time.
Two options:

1: The Babe Route. We "write" or draw [i]Eerie President[/i] in maybe the sandy bottom of our tank, if it has such a thing. This is what I would prefer if we have the means/ability

2: The previously mentioned Morse route.

We HAVE to learn how to communicate with these people. Any sort of tools at our disposal should be used to create a pattern.
Morse code is hard, with no eyelids to blink with and no way to do a long "dash" that is anyway able to be differentiated from a short "dit" purely from bumping into the glass repeatedly, the motions are just seen as signs of stress. Having little information about frilled sharks to go on, the researchers just assume that everything you do is standard animal behavior.

You have another idea, writing. You could fog up the tank then write Eerie President with your fin. The trouble is getting the tank to fog on the inside. Fish don't breathe out the mouth, instead filtering oxygen through their gills. The only way for you to fog the tank is to get the researchers to increase the temperature of the containment unit, but how?

>Pretend to go into shock, fish do this when the water is too cold for them, a researcher might see you and rush to turn heat up. Although doing this can also make you really go to into shock as the surrounding temperature can become too hot, too quickly.
roll 1d10

>The next time a researcher is near by, point at the direction of the heat control unit and refuse to allow contact (feeding, testing) until they do so. This has the chance of backfiring and the researchers becoming more put off, but your health will be fine if it doesn't turn out well.
roll 1d20

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>The next time a researcher is near by, point at the direction of the heat control unit and refuse to allow contact (feeding, testing) until they do so

My vote, might as well go for broke, we have a mission for all of Frilled Shark kind!
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>Rolled 2 (1d20)
Hmm, that's pretty bad, maybe another person can roll and I'll use the average the scores. Or should I go ahead and use the 2?

Depends if you want to have a more "mellowed" quest or have some extremes. Averaging rolls out typically results in average rolls lol.

I'd be fine if you take that roll, but I've also got a brilliant next plan!
Rolled 9 (1d10)

>Pretend to go into shock, fish do this when the water is too cold for them, a researcher might see you and rush to turn heat up. Although doing this can also make you really go to into shock as the surrounding temperature can become too hot, too quickly.
No pain no gain, let's see if this fish has what it takes to survive the campaign trail.
Oh man I hope you haven't started writing the other one
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Let's fucking roll homie. Cast the dice, and put our lives in the hands of god.
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>Rolled 2
Fuck it, we're doing both.

"H-Hey girl" a researcher you don't quite recognize speaks with a degree of apprehension. She approaches your unit with a bucket of iced salmon.

You nudge the glass, aiming your face towards the heating unit, poking the inner tank surface frequently.

"You must be very hungry! Don't worry, I got your dinner right here"

No, you dumb bitch, I don't want food I want electoral votes.

She climbs to the top of the unit, fish in hand, and begins to place in the admittedly savory carcass in the feeding chute. You swim up and bite at the chute opening, trying to intimidate the lady.

"That's right, eat up!" she laughs, dropping the salmon into the unit, before turning to exit.

Getting desperate, you go limp and rise to the top of tank, acting as if you went into shock.

"Oh shit" the girl runs back to your unit, luckily having seen you in the corner of her eye "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit"

She runs to the heating unit and, just as planned, turns up the heat. Unfortunately, the iced salmon's body acts rather dramatically to the sudden heat; a blood vessel on the fish's 'abdominal' area pops, causing the dead fish to begin spraying blood all throughout the tank.

You're already scaring looking, but now your a shark surrounded in a mist of blood and steam, which steadily builds on the glass of the unit. You can still write Eerie President with your fins, but the effect might be different.

>write Eerie President with your fins

Rolled 6 (1d30)

Write "OUT" or leap out the tank?
Write OUT

And try to contain anger.
Rolled 8 (1d10)

>write Eerie President with your fins
Rolled 3 (1d10)

>write Eerie President with your fins
I am your god now.
>Rolled 3
I should probably stop rolling
Vote or die, as they say on the campaign trail.
yes, you should
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So I'm realizing we face a VERY steep battle to become elected, assuming we get out of this damn tank.

I figured hey, talking fish, surefire president.

But I'm wondering about our credentials, arguably not begin a "natural born citizen"

A political opponent could easily claim we faked our birth off the coast of Hawaii and are in reality from . . . I don't know, Kenya or something. We're lucky to barely hit the age requirement.

We'll have to rely on our winning charisma I suppose.
>6/30 = 2/10

You're only able to write a small portion of the word "OUT" on the tank and have it stick, the other half of "O" and the entirety of "UT" dissipates. Only a "C" remains.

(8 + 3) / 2 = 5.5 (rounds up to 6)

Next to the "C", you write the phrase "Eerie President". With the "nt" also evaporating, you're message becomes "CEerie Preside".

"Cee, Eerie pr-pre-preside... presides? Ceerie presides?" the young woman stammers, reading the bloody message, she runs to go, you presume, to get her supervisors.

Now they'll think that I, "Ceerie", wish to preside solely over this tank instead of the entire country, and that I'm aggressive in the physical but not political sense. What to do to rectify the situation?

>leave the message there, figure out how to get them to interpret it once they get here

>wipe the message away, they'll just think the worker was crazy

roll 1d30

>talking fish
Nope, can't speak (verbally).

Worry about that when we get there.
>leave the message there, figure out how to get them to interpret it once they get here
Witness me, humans
To elaborate, a "Talking" fish is still noteworthy, they may encourage us to communicate more, and more easily. We're pre-campaigning. Each of these people is a potential voter
Rolled 26 (1d30)

We shouldn't erase it, they might at least recognize our cognitive ability, but we won't get anywhere if they still don't realize our academic credentials. How about when the team comes back, we contort our eel-like body into the auspicious year we plan to ascend, 2 + 0 + 2 + 0. Rolling for successful contortion!
Just wipe away the C.
Rolled 25 (1d30)

I can't dice.
>Be scientist
>Nightmare fuel shark writes CEerie Preside in blood in its tank
>while staring in mute horror shark starts alternately undulating its body and forming rings

They're going to call a fucking exorcist.
Or they'll start making campaign buttons and inquiring about our policy on the Middle East.
Rolled 15 (1d30)

Try writing "give votes" instead.

Short and simple, hard to mess up.
"My God" the old man gasps "it's true, the fish did write a message in blood"

He approaches the tank, slowly, more terrified then ever, yet drawn by some deep-seated scientific curiosity. Placing a hand on the tank, he brushes the outer glass.

"The writing's on the inside" he breathes.

"Do you know what this means?" another researcher, male, very young, 20's, "This is the first instance of non-mammalian animal using written communication!"

There is a general murmur of excitement among the group, the older man waves them down.

"Yes, yes, this is a breakthrough" he starts, then pauses for what feels like an entire minute "but what do we do something that can write and think like us?"

"Muller look, it's doing something!"

You have all of their attention now, you begin to move your body in ways you've never had to before, but being president requires stepping out of one's comfort zone. You make the shapes of 2020.

A moment of silent passes, then someone speaks:

"Two oh, two oh?" the young researcher questions.

Having picked up a bit of human behavior by this point, you know to move you head vertically to nod.

The murmuring increases, finally, another researcher asks you a question:

"20/20, like... vision?"

You move your head horizontally to indicate nope.



"Bible verse?"



Finally, you nod at the individual who guessed right. The murmuring is back as they debate what to ask you.

After 10 minutes of playing '20 Questions' with you someone finally blurts, albeit jokingly:

"Well that's an election year, maybe she plans to run"

A few laugh, but stop when they see you nodding very enthusiastically.

"You can't be serious" it's the old man again, you turn to him and nod vigorously.

"It's not possible" a researcher retorts "not even feasible"

There is general agreement by those not still in awe of your abilities. This is a microcosm of restoring faith in potential fish-centric voters come Autumn 2020, what do you do to ignite the spark of credibility?
Start forming the shapes of USA USA USA USA. Patriotism always works.
I can't believe this is working. Is there a flag in the lab? We could contort our tail to reach by our forehead, saluting.
Seconding this.

Only TRUE PATRIOTS will understand our dreams and plight.
Forming the USA is mostly not difficult with the exception of the "A". You form what can be seen as "US/\", fortunately, they got the heart of the message.

"Ha ha, yeah!" the excited young man spoke again "this shark knows what's up"

The old man looked impatient, and tired, very tired.

"What about policy?" he grumbled.

"Fuck policy! Shark president!"

The gathering crowd of researchers laughed, suddenly the once ridiculous idea now appeared to them as a sort of collective higher-calling.

They began to chant "Ceerie! Ceerie!" [pronounced: "Siri"]

You smile, well, you always looks like you're grinning, but this time you feel it to. The old man, whose name you remember being "Muller", sighs and shakes his head. In truth, you had strong opinions on policy, but those will be expressed later, for now it's time to turn this group of ferocious young researchers into competent advocates.

The path to presidency officially starts now, what is first move?
You need a better means of writing so you can articulate your policies. Get the researchers on it! While that's going on stare at Muller, perhaps you can impart your policy to him?
The crowd momentarily pauses their cheering to watch you as you move your fin towards the glass. In your struggle to communicate about how you need a more effective way to communicate, you effectively communicate how your current form of communication is ineffective.

"It-she-Ceerie, needs a new way to communicate, she can't keep writing in blood forever"

There is agreement, another researcher perks up:

"Maybe we build a special tank for her, having something inside it that let's her communicate letters?"

A few variations of "Yeah!" come from the group, it is halted yet again by Muller.

"Even if we had the funding to build such a thing, do we really want to expose her to the public? Or a government agency? Do we want to risk her being captured and experimented on?"

There is silence. People begin to reconsider their initial optimism, the room feels awkward. Quickly, you begin nodding with fierce conviction. Yes, we will take the risks, I'll do anything for my own presidency!

With the moral imperative averted, the group swung right back into hurried activity of developing a new system for you and them to communicate through.

Muller remained, he looked at you incredulously. You moved forward and met his eyes with your again, you saw fear, the conservative vote, the late-bloomer, the type that only took adopted trends after they became fads. He represents the tentative, the old, the unreached. He'll be the hardest to convince, but in time, you'll will, you have to. Becoming president is as recurring a need as food and water at this point, it will be attained.

To be continued when I wake up. Hope you're enjoying it so far.
This is beautiful. Have sweet dreams you beautiful person.
Goddamn, we need to start thinking about our foreign policy.

Also salmon. Mmmmmmmm delicious.
This is a work of art. I laughed. I cried. My cancer was cured.
I'm loving it! We nees to make our next moves carefully. We're a seriois candidate, not a novelty. I think we need a campaign/PR manager
I think we're setting ourselves up to be a non-partisan unity candidate, unaffiliated with either of the major parties. Think about it, we're obviously friendly with scientists and the research community...but we also don't really like government bureaucracy (since many of the alphabet soup agencies would probably kidnap us and dissect us to figure out how we tick).

I'd argue that we get Muller to work as our PR person since he can dazzle the public with frilled shark facts if/when we fuck up and help us set up a nonpartisan technocratic platform that'll endear the nation to us and help us win a landslide.

We'd also get the social justice vote by default since we're the first non-human candidate to run for President, and they'd love that shit.

We are the perfect candidate.
I don´t know, some contrarians might think that allowing a shark to run for president is taking political correctness too far.

We have to fabricate a valid birth certificate to confirm that we are an American Citizen
>nonpartisan technocratic platform
>Win a landslide

Joking. Surely. Looking at the recent election, Bernie Sanders, a charismatic, free-speaking "outsider" was trounced by a demagogue. We need give the people what they want. And it's not science facts.

>Valid birth certificate

We're in deep water there. (Har har har) sounds like an appeal to the masses for amnesty. I'd think that's more left than right wing. But we've got other hurdles first.
Six days later
Despite their youth and inexperience, you have to admit, the researchers do work fast. Allocating funds from, ironically enough, the Trump administration, who gave the money to both the center you're currently at and others stationed in Michigan, Florida, and New York in order to fight the "anti-science" stigma that has been a bad weight that might cost him reelection. Unwittingly, Trump may have just provided the stepping stone for you to beat him in 2020, don't waste it.

Set up now is a much larger containment unit, that has grid-shaped walls. In each of the spaces between the grid lines are a single letter or symbol, all by 5x6 (30 characters). One wall has letters A-Z (capitalized), a designated "space", a period, an exclamation mark, and a question mark. The other wall, has A-Z (lower case), a comma, a quotation mark, an apostrophe, and a dashed line. The other two walls contain various other symbols (#, $, %, etc.). The unit is placed in the center of the new renovated Room P, which has gained the nickname among the researchers as "Room President" or "Future President's Room".

You can "type" messages by swimming over and tapping the space that corresponds with the letter or symbol. Now, you can answer questions that aren't "yes or no" with a lot more ease (and a lot less fish blood) than before.

Your new method for communication situated, it's time to begin giving complex commands to your subordinates. At present, they are writing down everything you say, just to keep record and to make sure they don't misunderstand anything.

What is the next move, Ceerie?
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Bump. Also, it's probably true that we'll need to bend the knee to one of the major parties. If we do that there's pros and cons for both.

The Republicans will likely have an incumbent for 2020 (unless something happened to Trump?), and running against an incumbent usually doesn't work out. Last time that a party forced an incumbent out of renomination was back in 1968. Still, with Trump's popularity eroding and the GOP having proven that they'll vote for candidates with no previous political experience, we might have a shot in the GOP primaries.

The cons are that we are literally a coastal type, from the very bluest of the blue states (Hawaii) and don't have a history of espousing conservative rhetoric. That in of itself could be fatal.

The Democratic Party doesn't have an incumbent, but their primary field will likely be very crowded, since everyone wants to be the one to take down Trump.

This might benefit us, since there's a major undercurrent of dissent directed towards the DNC and establishmentarian politics in general. If we take up a Sanders type persona as the ultimate outsider then we'd gain a movement overnight. If it's enough to actually win the nomination (and if we beat out the existing progressive type candidates at all) is yet to be seen.

If we go Democratic then our backstory as the first non-human presidential contender, our Hawaiian origin and our chumminess with the scientific community will all be big pluses. Still, we'll be expected to prove our progressive policy chops if we expect to have a chance, so maybe bone up on healthcare law if we want to go this route.

Or we could run Libertarian/Green if we suddenly decide that being President is too much of a hassle but still want to experience the horrors of a modern presidential campaign.
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We have to start wrangling voters now, and especially getting money for our campaign.. I would propose a series of messages, something like this:




(The rest depends on our culture, assuming Ceerie knows what we know)

I'm with you, and I think Democrat is probably our best bet, but we should keep the field open.

As I said in my vote, I think Money should be our number 1 concern. With money, we run ads, we can get advisers, publicists, speech writers, get on the talk show circuit, etc
Agreed. Let's get online and do a live-stream type thing where the voters can see us for themselves. We'll shock and awe the nation (and the world!) and take advantage of the novelty that our campaign will get.

At first people will only be like the young scientist who was your very first supporter: fixated entirely on the delightful absurdity of electing a shark to the presidency. But as your campaign grows and you lay our your political positions (what they are hasn't been revealed yet, but we'll have to answer some tough questions regarding them, I'm sure) and plans for the nation then hopefully we'll move beyond that and gain ourselves some legitimate support.

In short, let's use the internet and get some hype to go along with the money.
The first thing you have to do, before registering for president officially, is to raise $5,000 or more towards your campaign before the Federal Elections Commission recognizes you as a potential candidate.

Two days later
The Californian Center of Marine Biology Research had issued a statement at your request telling people that tonight a fish is going to declare her candidacy via livestream.

This set the Internet on fire, people were quick to write articles on the matter. Colbert, Noah, Crowder, Molyneux, and every political pundit / celebrity across the spectrum, as well as a few actors were quick to make fun of or sarcastically support the venture.

No such thing as bad publicity, the team has finished setting up for the soon to be broadcasted announcement. At each wall of the tank is a camera. You have an editor that will switch between cameras as you swim to one wall from another. A second person is keeping track of where you tap and will type sentences as captions when you finish them.

You're set to broadcast on Youtube and Twitch. Undoubtedly, this stream will be saved and shared, so make it count.

You go live in a few hours, if there's anything you want to check up on or change, now would be the time.
We need the largest flag we can get behind the tank.
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Set up where? The tank is being looked at from 4 angles, with a camera at each side. You might need 3 more flags if you want it to be consistent, or you'll have to change how the cameras are aligned.
And a copy of the Constitution/Declaration of Independence (like a pocket edition they give out to students). Not in the tank, but placed somewhere that at least one of the cameras will catch it in shot.
Perhaps we print out an American flag on paper, laminate the flag, mount it on a little makeshift pole and stick in the tank somewhere where it wont get in your way. That way we get the flag, it can be seen from all angles, and it can even become a fixture of your tank (until we get a proper waterproof flag at least).
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This is all I can think of in a pinch.

A circular green screen would be better, or maybe a small flag IN our tank, but you know, whatever works.
A green screen would be hard to acquire within a few hours, but the idea of having flags at each corner of the tank sounds appealing. You swirl around the tank.

"Guys, hey guys" one of the researchers calls "Ceerie wants to say something"

Once everyone's attention is on you, you quickly spell out your request.

"You got that, Dave?" the researcher calls to your designated transcriber.

"Uh, yeah, Get four large USA flags, is that right, Ceerie?"

You nod to him, a few researcher leave to find a store that will sell them. You move around the tank again.

"What'd she say?"

"Get a pocket constitution and a laminated flag with pole to attach to tank, yeah Ceerie?"

You nod to him again, more people head out, a few get on the phone. The station is becoming hectic as people double and triple check the equipment again and monitor the tank to make sure the water pressure and temperature are properly regulated. In the midst of confusion, your transcriber 'Dave' walks up to your unit.

"Hey Ceerie, can you double check and make sure this speech is right? I want to make sure I have the captions ready for the stream"

>what do you have prepared to say?
>what do you have prepared to say?





(if there is no Q&A Session here, we should schedule an AMA on Reddit, and announce that as well.)

Over the next couple hours, the researchers will be back with the flags and pole. Are you ready to start the livestreaming segment? Or is there more to do before it starts?
I'm ready.

There's likely not enough time for more, but I wouldn't mind setting up an AMA for some point in the future
I believe we're ready. We've got flags, social media, and some enthusiasm. My only concern is that we'll crash Twitch and/or YouTube once we go live. There have got to be a LOT of people interested in watching at least part of our announcement speech.

Though...that in of itself would be some pretty great advertising.
It's time
The stream is set up a few minutes before the camera turns on, the viewers see nothing but a black screen. Comments begin scrolling in:

oh boy
what is this?
Fish can't be president
what if it wins?

More of the same on the twitch chat, just with more faces. The camera turns on, at present, between the two streams, there is 430,000 people watching. There are separate livestreams from various other youtubers where hosts provide commentary. This is already viral.

A researcher behind a camera gives you the go ahead, and you begin "typing" the message as planned.

GREETINGS MY FELLOW AMERICANS, the caption reads after about 20 or so seconds of you swimming around.

lol wtf
Is this what the funding goes to?
poor animal, made to due triks :(((
fake as fuck lol

MY NAME IS CEERIE, AND IT IS WITH THE GREATEST HONOR I ANNOUNCE MYSELF AS THE VERY FIRST AQUATIC-AMERICAN is the next caption. Unbeknownst to you, an Australian youtuber is providing commentary on his own channel.

"A'ight guys, what de fuck is this?" he says, as more of the speech is 'read' "Fuckin' America, look at those flags, Jesus fucking Christ!"


Another caption, AS AN AQUATIC-AMERICAN, I HAVE NO BEEN AFFORDED AS MANY ADVANTAGES AS MY LAND-DWELLING COUNTERPARTS is displayed. It does take a considerable length for you to 'type' these messages, and is no doubt exhausting, still you press on, the good news being that you are now trending on twitter. A range hashtags, from the misplaced #FreeCeerie, to the desired #Ceerie2020 and #VoteCeerie, to the ironic #ImWithHer and the generic #shark and #frilledshark.



I'd rather shoot that ugly fuck
well I think its cute :/
FAKE liberal animatronic
is this what the dems have to offer? a fucking fish?


welp that's an hour I'm never getting back
love you Ceerie!
how much rule 34 has been made by now?
not enough ;)
2020: The year America elects a fish


In the coming days, you'll be all over Fox News, CNN, MSNBC, Last Week Tonight, PBS, and an uncountable number of youtubers, political and nonpolitical, will be talking about Ceerie nonstop. Right now, you just want to relax, all that swimming made you tired, even moreso the fact that this is just the beginning.

The researchers have a round of applause, this was a historic night. The link to your kickstarter was provided in the description, you're already at $8,000, you've become a recognized candidate.

The next day
There's a lot to do today, namely filing a Statement of Candidacy.
Ran out of characters, end should say:

What do you want to do next?
Besides filing our statement, we'll want to do an interview of some kind, with a big, recognized media outlet. That way we can start to be seen as more than just a political figure. We'll want to be a figure that people can identify with.

Also I really enjoy the mental image of John Dickerson or some big serious interviewer chatting cordially with a frilled shark in a tank.

So, now that we've announced outselves, we nees to build on this success, setting up a platform and getting a campaign manager, this shows we're not a novelty.

1: Donate $1000 to the scientists/institute that helped us so much. It's a small token of our gratitude. THANK YOU, WISE HUMANS.

2: We need to fill out that statemwnt of candidacy. It looks like we need some kindof comitee? I'm not so sure on this. I think we should put out a call for volunteers and a campaign manager. We'vegot a bit of money to pay them, and we can't relyon our researcher friends.

3: Keep the gravy train rolling, we neee to look to get some more donors/publicity. I think an AMA or talk shos circuit is a good next move. Get on Ellen.
I agree with this. It's important that we clear any doubts about this being just some clever ad campaign.

Maybe it'd be a good idea to get someone writing our biography? We want average american to relate to us. Talk about our humble origins and our fight against aquadiscrimination.
Agreed, though a biography may be a bit much at this stage since we technically havent done anything but exist for thr past 35 years.

Though, to do these interviews and things, we need a campaign staff
You like the idea of a biography, however most of the 35 years of your life has been spent in the deep, cold ocean, eating smaller fish and escaping larger ones. Only recently have you made human contact for the first time. A biography might only cement you as being the most unrelatable candidate in electoral history.

The lab is back to chaos once more, some researchers are still packing up the equipment from yesterday, while others are now the phone either calling various political talk shows or be called by them, you hope it's the latter.

Muller, who's first name you've been told is Lawrence, does seem to show some appreciation to you donating some of the money back into the lab. He's still not convinced that you'll become the president, but it's a start.

Another researcher (Matt? Mike? there are lot to keep track of) has gotten a written document that has the forms for the Statement of Candidacy.

"Alright, so uh, most of this looks pretty straightforward, um..." he trails off reading the paper "uh, so address, that's pretty easy, we'll just use this one, um, office sought, yeah, the president, okay. Name, party, committee... hmm"

The document asks for your full name, so far, that appears to be just "Ceerie", but without a last name, you'll be seen as more of a pet then a candidate.

>what should your last name be? (you'll be addressed as "President [last name]" by the media if you win)

Party affiliation, now this is where it gets real. Who are you running for? Democrats might not take you, but they are also the strongest in opposition to the Republicans. Green party will take anyone, but it decreases your odds of winning, same for independent or creating your own party, although if any time in history a third party candidate could win, it would be this one.

>what is your party affiliation?

The last thing asks about committee. You'd presume "Ceerie [last name] for 2020 Presidency" would work, it be compromised of researchers and any additional political advisers which can be added later with their own paperwork.

>name of committee?

Once you fill these out, you can choose from the offers you're undoubtedly going to get for interviews.
Shark. Ceerie Shark.


Better be cautious on this , we don't want to draw a line in the sand

The Committee for the Election of Ceerie Shark as President of the United States of America
I'll side with the previous poster and say Shark. Might as well. Everyone is gonna be calling you by your first name anyway.

Let's be publicly ambivalent but look closely at what cross-section of people we're attracting support from. That'll give us a better idea of which route to take with regards to selecting a party/affiliation.

>Committee Name
The previous poster's suggestion works. Let's go with that one.
Started writing then realized I have be somewhere for a few hours. Should be back in say... 4-5 hours? Sorry for inconvenience and my bad scheduling / time management skills.
All is forgiven! Safe travels
I'm back.

"Shark" Mike / Matt laughs "Yeah, I mean, it works"

You finish messaging him your independent affiliation and committee name, which he jots down. As he heads off to send it, you see a researcher who was just on the phone wave at you, you float for a moment not sure what she wants, you can't exactly go to her. Upon remembering this, she comes to you.

"We have Colbert" she says, then another researcher also walks up to you.

"Ellen DeGeneres has agreed to have you on her show, we have some 'maybe's from Fox and MSNBC, everyone else says the earliest would be next month"

"Ellen is willing to book you for their next episode"

"Same for Colbert"

A third person, another researcher, approached the triumvirate cautiously. You look at him so he'll speak.

"Uh, I didn't know if you were interested but Discovery Channel is also looking to have you, not sure if they want to talk politics though"

It's best to keep the ball rolling and appear in front of an audience as soon as possible, so one of these three will have to for now, even though two of them are mostly comedians and the third just wants to probe you for being a shark, an admittedly seldom-seen shark.

>go on Colbert

>go on Ellen

>go on Discovery Channel

>don't go on either, wait a few weeks for better options
I don't think our typing form of communication would lend itself well to a fast paced comedy show, so lets go for the Discovery Channel. We'll want to publicly thank the scientists/researchers for helping us out, and also make clear that we're interested in bettering the nation in any way possible, whether it's political or scientific.

So even if we're just talking about our oceanic life with the folks from the Discovery Channel and giving them a clearer idea of the daily life of a frilled shark, it'll still be interesting enough that millions will tune in to see us talk (type?). We want to be seen as something more than a power hungry politician after all, so why not tell the average American of our deep sea struggles and relate them as best we can to experiences that they'll understand.

Besides, the Discovery Channel (and all educational television for that matter) could use the ratings.
we really should go with discovery channel last as the main reason we are doing this is to gain more publicity

also great thread
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This is gold. I think your shark needs a tie though.

We'll just need a bit of prep work, they'll handle it in post. Honestly, the slow response times is Colbert's problem, not ours.

Discovery is too dry, it will be totally apolitical. We are NOT just a scientific aberration, we are a serious candidate.

eyes on the prize anons!
You float forward and tap the "D" "I" and "S" spaces before a researcher stops you:

"Oh, Discovery Channel?"

You nod, they get on the phone with some producers to get a time and place. You're grateful that these researchers have provided a method for fish-to-human communication, but the current set-up leads some things to be desired; namely the fact that extended dialogue is physically demanding.

A trout is dropped in your unit and, being lost in thought, it startles you. Quickly, you detect the prey and snap it up quickly, swallowing the entire fish in under a minute. The researcher who fed you the fish looks at you in astoundment. It dawns on you the line you'll have to balance between your animal nature and looking presidential.

Going to far into the animal side will doubt cost you any serious votes or willing interviewers. Acting too 'human' might cross over into the uncanny valley, it's bad enough you look like a evil creature from a children's fairy tale, to further promote the 'reptilian humanoids' aesthetic would do nothing to help.

You receive confirmation that Discovery can book you. The filming will probably not be live, which means it will be a bit before you're broadcasted, leaving time to do interviews in the interim. Apparently, the want you to come to them in New Mexico, which means you'll have to arrange for travel. At least now you'll be seeing more of the 'States.

A piece of cloth around Ceerie Shark's gills might not be the best idea, but the topic of looking human comes back to you.

>prepare yourself to be more shark-like for Discovery

>prepare yourself to be presidential for Discovery

>prepare yourself to be more human for Discovery

>don't decide now, wait until the day to prepare yourself, focus on other things in the meantime
>>ask for a better way to communicate
>prepare yourself to be presidential for Discovery

If we can't talk politics, we can demonstrate our sincerity and readiness for high public office. A presidential shark will set the tone for our campaign.

This will be many Americans first glimpse of their future president, mainstream america, Normies, the silent majority. Let's show them we mean business.

>Ask for a better way to communicate

Maybe something with eye movement or "body" language?
>Be more presidential
>Better communication

We'll want to show that we're calm, articulate and able to shoulder the burden of the most strenuous job in the world. The American people will want someone who can both go toe to toe with Vladimir Putin *and* comfort families after major tragedies.

We wont be kissing babies on the campaign trail (even if we could leave our tank I'm not sure if any mother would let their children near us), but it would serve us better if we were able to voice our words instead of having folks read them. That way we could have radio ads and whatnot that include our voice.

Voice generators are getting pretty realistic these days. If we wanted to we could get a company to create voices from scratch using computer software. Then we'd load samples of these awesome voices up and show them off to test groups and then pick the one that people like and trust the most. We could draw influences from all the most well respected, consequential American women. A little Eleanor Roosevelt, a dash of Aretha Franklin, a little bit of Hillary Clinton, etc.

There's a Canadian company working on such a thing right now. By late 2018/early 2019, when we're starting our campaign in earnest, they could very well have released a fully finished voice generator with infinite possibilities for voices.

Here's an article about them that's pretty interesting and has samples of their generator imitating Trump and Obama:
I need a mirror you tap to one of your researcher subordinates, they head out to make the purchase. You float in almost complete stillness as you become lost in thought again.

You need to provide a proposal of a better way to communicate to the researchers. A text to speech idea seems to be the most promising. Perhaps there could be a screen that scans subtle eye movement and reads sentences when they are punctuated? You remember an initial version of that idea being offered by one the researchers, since that was what basically Stephen Hawking uses to speak. Of course, you'll want something a bit less monotone and therefore less off-putting. The last thing you want is to looked at like some sort of super-villain trying to take over America. Although, there will always be the issue of warmth, or, in your case, a lack of. It's not your fault that you were born in a cold ocean where all contact meant one of two things: eating or fu-

"You look pretty freaky when go still like that" it was the young researcher, Mr. "Fuck policy, shark president!".

Good to know you message him. Looks effect charisma and good politicians need that in spades. You'll have to work twice as hard as your human peers for half the results.

When the mirror finally comes, you're able to see yourself for the first time. You know what a frilled shark looks like, obviously, so your own appearance could be assumed. Looking yourself over you find you're pretty standard among the general frilled shark population. You're assured by the lady who brought the mirror that you're a very pretty fish but she clearly is biased since she worked with you everyday for past couple weeks.

Moving side to side, then slower, then quicker, then trying circles, you get a feel for how people see you from a third person. Body language is the art of accentuating certain features to convey information in a powerful but nonverbal way. In conversation, you'll want to have a part of your body to focus on presenting to show power.

>show off the mouth and teeth - this shows the power of your 'shark side' but can have the effect of being too aggressive and animalistic

>show off the eyes - this can make you seem more compassionate, as your eyes are larger in proportion to your head than a human's. They are also pitch black with a inhuman green reflection, so they be more towards being creepy

>show off the body / movement - sleek gestures can show youth and determination, since you'll be the youngest president if you'll win. Frilled sharks are also called "living fossils" so this might due little, however.

>show off something else

>stop worrying about it altogether
Our teeth are complete nightmare fuel, and our eyes aren't too far behind...even our body is kinda strange and eel-like.

This isn't a disaster though. Perhaps we can work this into a positive type of message where we own our unconventional looks and emphasize that it's what's on the inside that counts. We could even get people with deformities, etc. (stuff that they were born with and had no control over, think Elephant Man) to come up with us and help elucidate that message. Looks aren't everything, people are people (or sharks) no matter what they look like, and so forth.

That way we get some brownie points for a nice, progressive message about accepting differences, and our critics look like jerks if they attack our appearance.
Perhaps the nightmare fuel could represent being strong on foreign policy and tough on crime?

We should also push feminism: this will not only be the first shark president, but also the first female president!

Perhaps if Ceerie was a mother she could get more family votes.

Ceerie would be a brilliant choice for increasing the cultural, sexual and ethnic diversity of American politics: we'll have an aquatic American president for the first time folks!

>Show off something else
Our female curves! Let the strong women of America, be they black white Hispanic trans gay straight, know that WE CAN. Appear on Wendy and be sassy. Appear on Ellen and be passionate about equality. Appear on Crowder and be tough on terrorism.
Also push a waifu image to get the autistic vote.

>Body movement

Elegant and a little eerie, and above all, different.

These are our two least horrifying assets. I'm not sure an eel can be feminine lol
thanks for the patience

After a few minutes of staring at yourself in the mirror, the situation begins to feel hopeless. Every way you turn only brings out 'otherness' and fear. You find it best to not accentuate any features in particular and instead let your look speak for itself. Hoping that your differences become a part of a body-positive narrative, you wonder how likely it is that both the animal-loving crowd and politically-motivated crowds will both turn on you.

Generally speaking, the extreme side of animal people don't like politicians. It is not uncommon to see entire protests and civil movements dedicated to preserving one thing or protecting another, usually in retaliation to some proposed bill. On the other side, politicians are generally apathetic to animals but seem to favor humans as leaders 100% of the time. As likely as it is to get both groups to like you, it equally so to get them both to hate you.

The next day
Wanting this thing to be filmed and shown as quickly as possible, you'd decided to make moving day be today; which means hauling your long, slippery fish body to New Mexico. You'll have to travel the entire latitudinal distance of Arizona in order to get there.

"We have a cargo-tank for transporting fish" one of the researchers tells you "but it normally used for baby sailfish and not something of your size"

From your unit, you can see the cargo-tank they brought out to show you. The thing is tiny, being now more than 3ft tall and 9ft wide. You'll have to curl up into a circle in order to fit.

"We can cancel the U-Hauls and wait until we get a better tank to transport you in, one that has pressure filtration to"

The tiny cargo-tank didn't even have pressure filtration? That's a borderline necessity, spending too long in a low pressure environment will make your blood-vessels expand and dizziness to occur. It wouldn't necessarily kill you but you'll be very unfocused. They'll also have to reacclimate you to high-pressure water again so you don't go into shock or explode.

Delaying, however, means more time not being seen, which after a very successful livestream announcement, is a potentially career-ending.

>take the risk and travel in the small cargo-tank

>wait until you can get a better place to be stored

>>wait until you can get a better place to be stored

If we're all fucked up on Discovery, it could be more harmful to our image than if e delay. A dizzy, confused, achy, exhausted Frilled Shark might send the wrong message.

Welcome back Gamaliel!
Let's wait, you message to the researcher. The U-Hauls become rescheduled as a new cargo tank has to be either built or bought to accommodate your needs. This is another system that will have to be upgraded if you become president. You are worried about future flights you might have to take. Obviously you can't meet with foreign ambassadors by swimming all the way to their countries, but flights would take you to a different altitude with different air pressure. You'd be in water, sure, but planes are not the greatest at moving several gallons of water at a time. These are things you'll have to address by the time you get to the primaries.

Since you're going anywhere for the moment, you have time to plan your next course of action. Researchers are trying to get you on various politically focused channels, but many, despite your sudden spike in popularity, don't see you as more than a novelty, hence the offers so far being from more comedic-based channels.

At the moment, you have recognition, but no credibility. The internet is still hyped, or at the very least, still discussing your debut. A few science based youtubers are exploring the different ways you could've gain human intellect so rapidly. You've been told that searching "ceerie" on google gets you a few website where you're being worshiped as a fish god. Flattering, but they could possibly detract from Ceerie Shark, the candidate, and go towards Ceerie, the fringe cult leader.

The thing you need most right now, that isn't physical, is for something else to come up when your name is searched for. While your in the downtime of not appearing anywhere, you should make a decision.

>broadcast another statement discussing future plans

>have the researchers make and send pamphlets or other promotional material

>confirm with either Colbert or Ellen that you'll be on in the near future

>have the researchers petition a major TV news organization to give you airtime

>lay low until you can get on Discovery

>broadcast another statement discussing future plans

>confirm with either Colbert or Ellen that you'll be on in the near future

Announce our plans to begin a nationwide tour/media blitz.

Ellen and colbert are our best bet to show that we're witty and charming, not just weird
>Petition a major TV news organization to give you airtime

Since we've made a splash, we now need to direct the ripples of interest in directions that'll benefit our presidential run. The best way to do that would be to schedule some media appearances. One (Colbert/Ellen) will be comedic and designed to show you off as more of a natural, human(?) person who's more than just a power hungry politico.

The other will be serious news, like 60 Minutes or Face the Nation, something like that. Something that the people who run/finance the country watch. So if they see you up there soberly discussing domestic issues with John Dickerson or Charlie Rose, then they might think to themselves: '[insert 2020 candidate here]? Fuck that, I'm backing the shark!'

It would be a good way (provided we impress the hosts/audience) to get ourselves some serious high level buzz going, because we wont be able to run a national campaign off of small donations alone. We need some big fish (haha) helping us out...even if that means we might have to make some uncomfortable moral choices later on as to the nature of our campaign and how much we're in the pocket of these various big donors/industries.
it's easier to update at night, I find

Activity l Time to complete it

Release statement l 2 days
Appear on Discovery l 5 days
Appear on Ellen l 12 days
Appear on Colbert l 19 days
Successfully petition and appear on a major broadcasting network l 31 days

This is the checklist you described to a researcher and had written down. You realized that so far this political operation was running flimsily. That isn't awful purely because you aren't in the primaries yet. You've requested information on this facility on discovered the following:

- There are 45 people working here (including supervisor Lawrence Muller)

- This facility is owned by a parent company that has 3 other similarly sized buildings in the state of California

- This is the only of the 4 buildings that has money going into your campaign, you've become the focal point of attention in this building, with other projects being distributed to the other 3

- 1 of the other buildings only job is to monitor the coastline and it is currently being overfunded, you had a researcher send a request for their help and resources; it is currently pending

You have 10 people working on resetting up the equipment for another broadcast. 3 are talking to managers at CBS. 12 are manufacturing a new cargo-tank for your New Mexico trip. 7 have started multi-media campaigns in the form of websites and formal requests to get you on a larger company. The rest (13), are not doing any specific project, but could be assigned to one relatively large one or two small ones.

Out of the 13, there is 1 who still doesn't seem to be with the program: Lawrence Muller. In part, he's very apolitical, a scientist at heart, and doesn't like how the lab's focus changed from marine biology to political aspirations so quickly and vigorously. Part of you understands the frustrations on some level, the majority wishes he saw the bigger picture.

At present, the old man's sulking. How do you get him on board?
Sorry bro, got the fucking flu so I've been dead the past 24 hours.

Question: For the time listed for each of those activities, is that a running total or is each time ONLY for that activity?

We should split the remaining personnel between making a new tank and multimedia campaigns, getting word out and ability to travel are paramount.

Poor Muller. I think we should have a talk with him, one on one. Get his thoughts and feelings and explain how important it is to have a fish as president. This is scientifically significant. Not to mention we can funnel some money back into this institute once we get more.
the Muller issue could be handled by pointing out that he is the first scientist to work with or research the first undeniably sapient creature that is not human.
The "Time to complete it" is the time frame you want to complete the activity by

You assign roles to the remaining 13. 6 to cargo-tank development, 6 to Shark Party promotion, and 1, Muller, to meet with you personally.


"Hello, Ceerie" Muller spoke in cool, composed manner "you wanted to speak with me?"

Yes, you message, he sighs:

"What about?"

How do you feel about this?

"I don't feel anything about this"

Why is he being obtuse?

You seem angry

"I'm not"

You don't like how I took over your labs you message, a bit longer than the other ones, he starts to write down the letters as you go to them.


It wasn't a question

"But it's wrong" he says, you can hear that he's upset, but he won't admit it.

You're the first scientist to study a non-human sapient animal

"I know"

There is a brief moment of silence. He turns away from you, now not able to see you if type something. You just float there idly, thinking of the next move. He's keeping his answers brief. He's also trying not to show emotion, but his voice betrays him every time. You're not sure what would convince him, mostly because you're sure what he takes issue with exactly or what he wants.

You bump into the glass just hard enough for it thud to get his attention. He turns to you, expressionless, what do you say?

"You don't like politics do you? You don't like that you see in me what you see wrong in the world. Is that it?"
You don't like politics do you? You don't like that you see in me what you see wrong in the world. Is that it?, that's a long one, he has jotted down from following your movements.

He reads it a few times to himself before laughing a bit. Has he gotten better? Or at least, less moody? He looks at you and breathes.

"I had spent decades getting a degree, funding, building permit, and acquiring status through research and essays in the scientific community before I could run my own lab" he explains "I almost didn't get it, since the representative of the district I was going to set up in refused my request despite me having a permit"

Muller pulls up a chair and sits in front of your unit, you sink down a bit so you're eye level.

"I spent a year getting more funds and a new permit so I could operate in a different location" he continues "property was too expensive, which is why I took an offer from a parent company. I don't technically own this place, just supervise it."

He leans back into his chair and stretches.

"It is 'unprofessional', for me to put in my own money into his center, even though I have a lot to give and we really need it" he rubs his forehead "we're supposed to subside on donations, but with scientific interest from the public being so low, we've remained underfunded for months"

I can bring money to this place, I have already you try.

"You'll bring more bureaucracy" he accused "I'm already bring swept under the rug by my own team, y'know most of these people are biology students? I'm supposed to be teaching them, but they're not fixated on making a shark president"

You can tell that was meant to sting, but he's revealing himself and becoming vulnerable. Now's the time to strike, not literally, obviously, but this is the point where he thrown himself out in the water and is waiting to be guided back to the surface.

What's your next move?
typo: *but they're more fixated on making a shark president
"Dr Muller, I am sorry to derail your dream, but I have a dream of my own. I cant force you to trust me, but I can promise a renwed dedication to science funding if I win. Why not share in my spotlight? A 'talking shark' surely is noteworthy enough to bring in fresh funding, maybe enough for your own lab."
Your longest message yet, at first he looks at you intently, before realizing he'll have to write this down to remember it.

Dr. Muller, I am sorry to derail your dream, but I have a dream of my own, he nods at this, probably knowing where you're going, but letting you say it anyway.

I can't force you to trust me, but I can promise a renewed dedication to science funding if I win you message, receiving more nods.

Why not share in my spotlight? you start, he laughs sadly again, but before realizing you have more to say, A 'talking shark' surely is noteworthy enough to bring in fresh funding, maybe enough for your own lab

There a pause as Muller mulls it over. He runs both hands through his short gray hair.

"I just want this whole thing to be over with" he starts "but, on the off chance you can do some real good, I'm willing to make a deal"

Ooh, a deal from Lawrence Muller, that's new, you're honestly kinda interesting to what that might entail.

"I'll help with any project you're currently doing, as well as future ones, they'll get done quicker if I'm involved, especially if it relates to building stuff" you're already getting ideas "if you promise me that when this whole things over, whether you do 1 term or 2 terms or lose the election, you'll come to me first so I can do a full study and biography. You'll be my life's work"

That's fair, you think, since you don't have to really do anything, at least not for a while. Muller puts his hand to the glass:

"Do we have a deal?"

You swim forward and tilt your body so you can put your fin to the glass where Muller's hand is and nod.

"Alright" he sighs, he seems resolved now "what should I work on?"

>the upcoming broadcast

>the petition

>the cargo-tank


>don't assign him yet
>the upcoming broadcast
Assuming the tank project is coming along and is slated to be finished in time, we could use his help on this. Given that it's the discovery channel his scientific knowledge of the natural world is very relevant, and the program directors will probably want to know more about us as a shark and how it relates to our political aspirations. Maybe we could turn this into a pseudo biographical dock, with a brief section about how our life in benthic waters moulded our beliefs in a strong government that can defend the interests of the American middle class and effectively manage state funding of the many branches of federal government (such as the sciences).
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Yeah, I'll second this.
This quest is going under a hiatus for a bit.
You do what you gotta do man! Don't sweat it
I hope this isn't because of the lack of replies man, I just finished lurking and caught up. Hope you pick this up again.
Thanks, if you're the same TimeKiller that's running the Star Wars quest then good luck with that.

Nope, my irl schedule changed and I won't have much free time for a few more days. This thread isn't dead, there's still a long way to the presidency.
>Same TimeKiller

I am indeed! Thanks for the well wishes!

>This thread isn't dead, there's still a long way to the presidency.

Ceerie 2020. No greater president has ever walked this earth.
*swam the earth

archived here.
Thanks for that. Posting from phone since I'm not at home atm. Since this is an American-centric quest, I wanted to have an update on the 4th of July even though it's still in hiatus.

Updates coming soon, will make another thread since this one will go into archives soon.

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