>>1379341
Hmm Lets try this again.
Find a lawyer, or an accountant, with an abacus.

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You take a deep breath and step through the doors of the Royal Court.
The walls are ringed with seats for the nobles (most of which are absent), but your attention is drawn immediately toward the High King.
Specifically, his pearly white scales and horns. This guy's a dragon.
"Ah, our defendant. Please take your seat."
He gestures at a chair and desk on the left side of the room. You sit down and get a good look at your opponent.
Edmond Brannor... well, he looks like pic related. Absolutely fucking disgusting. The guards keep back several paces more than they should.
One of the King's retainers stands.
"Current case: ownership of the port city of Diluvium, Miss Tassoni's deeds versus Mr. Brannor's birthright. Do either of you have any questions?"

>[]Yeah, I don't know how the legal system works.
>[]I believe I can manage.
>[]Other.

>>1379377
(Lawyers haven't been invented yet. Probably best you don't introduce those guys, as you'll probably be more competent at self-defense than your fat bastard of an opponent)

>>1379402
I would suggest Krystal to ask for a decree from Alagos, but that might cause a lot of problems.
So, hopefully they will be a little lenient.
>[]Yeah, I don't know how the legal system works.
>>1379414
Hmm HHHmmMMMm
I don't know, most fat people in seats of power, didn't get there by being stupid.

>>1379421 (There was some nepotism involved)
Brannor snickers.
"You didn't think to look it up while prancing about the city?"
The King sighs.
"Very well. You will both make your case as to why you are more qualified than the other to run the city, then I will choose whichever made a better point. No jabs at gender, physical characteristics, et cetera. Brannor, you first."
The obese nobleman stands up confusedly.
"B-but what about the process of--"
"This is the Royal Court. We do things differently, that is to say, for my amusement."
This guy...
Brannor clears his throat.
"Well, my liege. You see, for a port city, a man of intellect and wit is required for the job. Simultaneously juggling increased trade and crime is a mentally taxing endeavor, and I doubt a warrior--"
He gestures disdainfully in your direction.
"--would be able to handle such. Especially considering her other duties as 'Imperator'."
Pfft. That's why you have lackeys.
"Father used to take me down to the shipyards all the time..."
Brannor wipes at his eyes. You're not sure if it's grease or pretend tears.
"I am very familiar with the ins and outs of Diluvium's industrial merits, and... I can only hope to pick up after my poor father."
He sits down.
The King gestures at you.
"Your case, Miss Tassoni."

Write a good one. Bonus points if you subtly roast Brannor.

>>1379520
Shit
Uh what title does Brannor hold, op?

>>1379549
Son of a dead Duke. He gets the money and SHOULD get the city as well, but you were the one who did all the work, thus the trial.

>>1379520
Lets give it a whorl.

Your Honor,
While [title] Brannor does make a grand point, he stood idly by while those in his city suffered. He allowed the the city ruin and decay after the disaster took place. No attempts were maid to reclaim the city or to search for survivors. The knights of Ruin were at the city walls trying to claim it for themselves, he was nowhere to defend "his" city. Even though [title] Brannon has a well-padded history, that would any merchant enormously proud, it takes more than financial knowledge to maintain and protect such a wondrous place.

While I am just a humble warrior for my god, I would not claim to lead the city alone. My friends and colleagues, that helped reclaim the city, are ready to help me to run the city with the greatest of care and the deepest of love.

All we can claim to do is to try to protect the citizens with the hole of our beings. With that protection the citizens can feel safer and more at ease, and the knowledge of their safety will bring new gobs and trade to our grand and noble city.
Damn it op, I haven't done this much thinking and typing since college.

>>1379644
Oh shit, replace your honor with
>My Leige

>>1379644
Gobs Really
Gobs.
>JOBS
MAN

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>>1379644 (it's good exercise for your brain unlike these fucking captchas)
You stand up and give your speech. The King strokes his chin.
"...very well. Guards, escort Mr. Brannor out."
They grab him by the elbows, gagging slightly.
"Wha--THAT'S IT!?"
"Yes."
"WAIT, YOU CAN'T DO THIS, YOU--"
"I'd watch my tongue if I were you."
"G-GAH! GODSDAMMIT!"
The doors shut on Brannor. The nobles clear out as well, leaving you, some guards, and the King.
"That was somewhat amusing, I suppose. Tell me, Miss Tassoni, you do offer your legion's services, yes? Would you be interested in a job?"

>[]A wise man once said to never make deals with dragons.
>[]Sure.
>[]...could I know what it is first, my liege?
>[]Other.

>>1379672
>>[]A wise man once said to never make deals with dragons.
Good thing I am neither wise or a man.
What's up.
I tried to low key stick some disparaging remarks in there.

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>>1379676
"A wise man once said to 'never cut a deal with a dragon'... while I am very wise, I'm not smart. What's the job?"
The King frowns.
"I'll have to research that saying. Anyway, it's about my daughter."
You don't like where this is going.
"She's been wanting to go travel all over the Empire, seeing the sights and all. I want you to guard her."

>[]Okay.
>[]With all due respect, even I know that if a princess is involved, I should leave.
>[]Um, you do know I'm supposedly a sexual predator...
>[]Other.

>>1379852
First, How old is she?
Then
>>[]Um, you do know I'm "supposedly" a sexual predator...
Lastly Wink

>>1379873
"Umm, how old is she?"
"She's twenty-four."
"Oh. 'Kay. You do know I'm supposedly a sexual--"
"Yes, and if you do anything to my daughter I'll personally rip your throat out."
Okay, you're very glad that was made clear.
"I'll consider adding a bonus to your payment if you show restraint."
"What if she doesn't show restraint?"
"I doubt it, but you should be able to defend yourself from her."

>[]I'll take the job.
>[]Yeeeeah, I have other engagements. Terribly sorry, my liege.
>[]Other.

>>1379968
Eh, fine.
Any other rules or requirements?

>>1380000
"I'll take it. Any other requirements? And I'll need information."
"You must keep her unharmed and unmolested, obviously. Payment will be issued based on your performance, and I'll contact you when it's time for my daughter to begin the trip. Go send your companions home, they won't be needed."
You don't like that last part much, but it's the King, so...
You go back to the tavern and meet your party for lunch.
"How'd it go, Krystal?" Gareth asks nervously.
You hang your head and sigh. Everyone tenses. You look up at them with a hardened expression.
"I won."
Gareth scoffs in disgust.
"I should've known you were faking it. We'd find you drinking yourself to death in a bar if you'd lost. Well, I say we go home after we're done here."
"Have fun." you mutter, popping an oyster-like thing into your mouth.
"You're not coming?" Jaylen asks.
"Yeah. I fucked up. I need to guard the King's daughter while she goes on tour. At least I'm getting paid."
Rolland shakes his head.
"I will inform Faervel that she'll need to take over your position after the King kills you."

>[]Hey, I'm going to do an amazing job!
>[]Please do so. Tell Tsuyoi I love her.
>[]Other.

>>1380108
>>[]Hey, I'm going to do an amazing job! Tell Tsuyoi I love her.
Get supplies, what would a twenty something dragon girl want/need?

>>1380109
"Nah, I'm gonna do amazing. Tell Tsuyoi I love her, and--actually, hold on."
You grab your presents from your room.
"Here. The plushie's for Kasai."
Rolland nods.
"I can do that."
You wave as they pack up and leave, then sit down for some dessert.
"Okay, dragon girl shit. Uh..."
You check your bag. You still have some packs of M&Ms left.
"That'll have to do. If she doesn't bring something she needs, it's her fault."
You tap your fingers on the table.
"...shit. What am I supposed to do now?"

>[]Go on a walk.
>[]See if you can get an interview with the princess. Or if they'll even let you in.
>[]Drink.
>[]Other.

>>1380162
>[]See if you can get an interview with the princess. Or if they'll even let you in.
Check on what the princess wants to bring.
Ixnay all but the essentials.

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>>1380166
You walk over to Castle Zhaimont. The guards stop you at the gate.
"I'm here to see the princess, I'm supposed to be in charge of guarding her on her trip."
The guard pulls out a magic pendant and has a brief exchange with whoever's on the other end.
"...you're clear. Go ahead."
The gate opens. You're led to the princess's chambers by a servant. And yep, it's way up in the tallest tower.
"Please make sure to behave yourself before Lady Cammat." the maid asks.
"Sure." you reply. The maid opens the door.
A dragongirl with white hair waits on the other side. Her room smells god awful, like someone sprayed perfume everywhere. She looks at you in annoyance.
"Gertrude, didn't I tell you not to bring anyone up here?"

>[]I'm supposed to be guarding you on your trip.
>[]Hi. I'm Krystal. You heard of me?
>[]Bitch, I swear I'm going to hang you by your ankles until you behave.
>[]Other.

>>1380210
>[]Hi. I'm Krystal. You heard of me?
OhgodwhatdidIgetintoshithelp.
>>[]I'm supposed to be guarding you on your trip.

>>1380210
Shit, didn't even notice the pic.

>>1380219 (she isn't strong enough to dominate a demon, but there's still plenty of red flags)
"Uh, hi. I'm Krystal, I'm supposed to be your bodyguard for--"
"Oh. Father mentioned you. Gertrude, please leave."
Despite herself, the maid follows the order.
Cammat sits down in a chair and crosses her legs.
"Father told me some interesting things about you."
"I bet he did."
"Are they true?"
"That depends. I am more... sexually active than most women."
The princess smiles.
"I thought so... perhaps you'd like to take a seat. It must have been so tiring walking up all those steps."

>[]Yeah, no. I'm here to discuss your baggage.
>[]I guess, for a moment. Is there a reason you brought up that topic of discussion?
>[]I'm not having sex with you. Your dad threatened me with having my throat ripped out.
>[]Other.

>>1380253
>>[]I'm not having sex with you. Your dad threatened me with having my throat ripped out.
I'm here to discuss your baggage, not the lewds.
Seriously
Must resist.
Ask Alagos for help with chasity?
Maby as both a way to keep yourself alive, and proof of devotion?
Well say it's to prove devotion, not so you won't do things with the king's daughter.

>>1380265
But definitely so you won't lewd the daughter.

>>1380265
«Hey, Alagos? You mind giving me inhibitions for a few minutes?»
«Like, how strong?»
«Strong enough so I won't screw the princess and get myself killed.»
You feel a steel trap shut over your mind. God, were you a disgusting whore. How did you live with yourself..?
"I'm putting my foot down right now." you glare at the princess.
"There will be no sexual relations. Your father threatened me, and giving you what you want wouldn't help you at all."
Cammat frowns.
"I always get what I want."
"Not today, you aren't. Life is shit, then you die. Get used to it. Now what are you taking with you?"
The princess lazily gestures at the room around you.
"I'll just have someone levitate this along."
...that's actually a decent idea, even if it is fucking lazy.

>[]Nope, you'll be going in a regular transport. I'll sort out the essentials from your other shit.
>[]...if your father allows it.
>[]Other.

>>1380283
>>[]...if your father allows it.
Get the father involved, let him take the brunt of the wrath.
>God, were you a disgusting whore. How did you live with yourself..?
It was fun, fun for all.

I gotta go to bed stormy, my knees are killing me.
Good night.

>>1380297 (night)
"I suppose you'll have to get that approved with your father, then. When do you set out?"
"Tomorrow."
You stare at her.
"...and you expect someone to get this thing detached and floating in the air by then?"
"Yes."
...
"I need to go make preparations."
As you walk back to the tavern, your inhibitikns fly right back out the window. You're suddenly very glad that you made your choice. If you hadn't... well, at least your death would be metal as fuck.

>[]Go drinking. That bitch gave you a headache.
>[]Ask Alagos if he wants to help you 'relieve some frustration'.
>[]Go looking for those assassin fuckers.
>[]Other.

>>1380345
>>[]Go looking for those assassin fuckers.
Better do some cleanup before we take a princess on a tour... Or at least make sure they don't come along tucked into the bed.

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>>1380556
You take a walk around town, keeping a hand on your sword.
Your patience is rewarded, as someone shouts "AHA!" and leaps from a roof. You sidestep him easily, and he lands painfully.
"Don't shout before you jump at someone, you idiot." you mutter, grabbing the assassin by the collar and handing him off to the nearest watchman.
You continue down the street. At least there's one less--
"TASSONIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!"
A mage flies past you and hovers in the air a little ways from you. Then a kid pops out of a trash disposal chute, aiming his weird astral fire slingshot at you.
"FUCKING KIDS NOW!?"

Roll 1d20.

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>1380627
afk a couple hours now though.

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>>1380639
The mage hurls a fireball at you. You grunt as it heats up your armor and singed you face, before pulling out your gun and shooting at her. She groans and drops a little.
Something pings off your breastplate. The kid in the trash can had launched a pellet at you, which might as well have been crumpled-up appear for all the good it did him.
(I rolled a 20 for your counter attack...)
You walk over and push the kid's head down. He loses his grip and slides down the trash chute, crying out in fear.

>[]Offer to spare the mage.
>[]Grab her and take her to the watch.
>[]Kill her. She won't be causing anyone else trouble.
>[]Other.

>>1380764
>>[]Grab her and take her to the watch.
She failed her mission and was caught.

>>1381040
You grab the mage by the arm.
"Okay, toots. Time for jail."
"M-my son..."
"THAT WAS YOUR SON?! Look, assuming that doesn't lead into a pool of magma, he'll be fine."
"NOOOOOooooooooooooooo..."
The distraught mage's levitation spell makes it easier for you to drag her along. Nice.
You hand her off to a guard.
"Here. She tried to kill me, along with her son. He fell down a trash chute."
The guard sighs.
"He should get fished out before he gets transmuted."
You commend the man for his hard work and go on with your walk. Not much else worth of note happens, besides the sewage-ridden guy that burst out of a pipe and tried to stab you before running away. That might've just been for being a witness, though.

>[]Well, *now* I'll find somewhere to drink.
>[]That one Imp chick gave me this 'booty call' locket... maybe I should try it.
>[]Go see if there's open blood sports around.
>[]Other.

>>1381794
Man this city's security sucks.
>[]That one Imp chick gave me this 'booty call' locket... maybe I should try it.
Damn it.
She needs to relieve some stress.

>>1381810
You head back to your room for privacy before opening the locket.
"Uhh... hello?"
Trysta's high-pitched voice squeaks out.
"Who is--? Krystal, I knew you'd call! So, do you want to come over to you, or do you want to go to me?"

>[]Yeah, I'll stick with familiar territory.
>[]I guess I'll go see...
>[]I just wanted to chat, actually.
>[]Other.

>>1381929
>>[]Yeah, I'll stick with familiar territory.
A little familiarity first.

>>1382257
"Uh, over here. I'd prefer familiar--"
A little *pop* sound goes off in your room, and Trysta falls out of a portal into your room.
She immediately gets up and starts unbuttoning your pants.
"Whoa, I'm not shy, but we aren't doing anything else first?"
"Nope. Oh, how do you get it so smooth?"
"I had the hair lasered off."
"That must've been painful."
Trysta pushes you onto your bed and starts rimming you.
"Wha--let me get my pants off all the way, at least."
You kick them away and pull off your shirt.
"Oh, that feels good..."
You reach down and slip your fingers under Trysta's thong (it was so thin you thought it was just pink pubes at first).
You climax long before Trysta does. Your fingers almost got cramped.
"You did well. Now, let's use these!"
"Where were you hiding those!?"
"Take a guess!"

...

You lie facedown on the bed, heedless of the wet spot your face was pressed into. The dry cleaning was gonna be pissed.
Trysta puts on her poor excuse for clothing and straightens her hair.
"Phew! That was fun. Call me again!"
"Eeelgbh."
*pop!*

>[]Bath. You're all sticky.
>[]Cry and feel violated.
>[]Fall asleep.
>[]Other.

>>1382534
>>[]Bath. You're all sticky.
Feel satiated.

>>1382544
You get up and limp over to the bath.
That was... different. In a good way. Sometimes you just need a teleporting whore to appear in your house, fuck you for two hours, and promptly leave. And she even left you some toys... those could be useful if Cammat tries to blue ball you into breaking your promise.
You climb into the bathtub and dunk your head under the water, cleaning all the bodily fluids off your hair.
"What time is it... six? I guess I'll get some dinner later."
You take a slightly longer than necessary bath before drying yourself off, getting dressed, and going down for dinner. As an afterthought, you throw the toys Trysta left in the tub. Someone's gotta clean them.

Dinner was good. Beef stew and cornbread, or at least the local equivalent.

>[]Get an early rest. I'll need it for tomorrow...
>[]Go drinking.
>[]Dammit, that just made me all horny...
>[]Other.

>>1382669
>>[]Get an early rest. I'll need it for tomorrow...
You need sleep, and a hangover won't help putting up with dragon britches.

>>1382683
You pop a small confection in your mouth and walk back up to your room. After soothing your sore loins, of course.
You look down at your bed.
"...yeah, I'm using Jaylen's."
You flop down, get comfortable, and go to sleep.

...Krystal--
NO, FUCK OFF, DEMON.

You get up and sleepily wipe the gunk from your eyes.
"Time to get moving..."
You pack up your shit, tell the tavern you're leaving, and grab your wolf friend.
He missed you, assuming the licking wasn't him gauging your tastiness.
You hop onto him and urge him in the direction of Castle Zhaimont.
"You've been a good boy. I think I'm gonna call you... Nova."
"Wrawuuug."
You pat Nova's head. He happily pads along to the castle.
"Well, shit. They actually did it."
You look up at the levitating tower room. A trapdoor in the bottom opens, and Cammat clumsily descends from a rope ladder.
Nova knocks Cammat down and starts licking her face.
"Wha--call it off! Call this thing off!"
"Nova, please stop. That's a dragon."
He senses the chastisement in your words and backs off.
Cammat stands up and straightens her clothing.
...yeah, she was definitely trying to blue ball you. Or maybe this was just diplomacy.
"I didn't know you had one of those things accompanying you..."

>[]He just wuvs you. Don't you, Nova?
>[]I apologize. It won't happen again.
>[]If you act up, I'll sic him on you.
>[]Other.

>>1382899
>>[]He just wuvs you. Don't you, Nova?
Who's a good boy? You are! Yes you are!

>>1382909
"Oh yes, you're a good boy!"
You scratch Nova behind the ears. He rolls over, almost flattening you.
"Okay, we gotta work on that. Cammat, when do we--"
She's gone. The ladder's been pulled up.
"Well fuck you too, then."
You look around. There should be a whole company of guards here, preparing for the trip.
"HEY, CAMMAT? WHERE'S THE REST OF THE GUARD?"
She pokes her head out the trapdoor.
"You're it! We're leaving now."
The door slams closed. The tower room starts floating at a decent pace toward the city walls.
That can't be right. You're the only... one... guarding her...
"OOOOOOOOOOOO!"
You scream at the sky. Nova joins in before you get him loping toward the city gate.

...

"Could you not just float off in a straight line!?" you ask Cammat. Nova pants and rolls in a nearby stream.
"We can't just hop over mountains and shit, and we have to protect you."
Cammat turns her nose up.
"I suppose I can follow the mapped route if you wish."
You sigh and hand her dinner.
"Here."
"What in the name of Aeneth is this?"
"Sausage and eggs."
"I refuse to eat this filth."

>[]Well, too bad. This is all I have.
>[]Toss her an M&M.
>[]Slap her. You're not going to let her bitch the whole way to whatever shithole's first on the list.
>[]Other.

>>1382956
>>[]Other.
Starve then.
Proceed to eat it in front of her.

>>1382969
You take her plate.
"Okay, then. Guess you're going without dinner."
You start eating, savoring each bite. Yes, you really outdid yourself with this meal.
"OoOoOoh... this is better than sex."
Cammat snorts.
"Ha! I see what you're doing. I'll have you know I will not stand for it."
The princess starts climbing the ladder to her room.
"Hey, can I sleep in there?"
"Not even if father asked!"
The trapdoor slams shut.
"Good. I didn't want to sleep in the estrogen gas chamber, anyway."
You finish up your dinner and clasp your hands together.
"Alagos, our atmospheric overlord... please help me to deal with this bitch."
With that prayer said, you lie down and go to sleep.

...

"Breakfast time!"
"Humph. I need no breakfast."
GRRRRREEOWL...
Cammat covers her stomach.
"It must have been a frog."

>[]Just eat the fucking food.
>[]Go eat the frog, then. Since apparently anything will taste better than my cooking.
>[]Ignore her.
>[]Other.

>>1383102
>>[]Go eat the frog, then. Since apparently anything will taste better than my cooking.
Parents tried that with me when I was young, I didn't eat.
Hold the food out to her.

>>1383108
"Well, its either the frog, or this. Choose one."
You hold a plate out to Cammat. She hesitates, then takes it and eats a bite.
"Oh..."
She starts stuffing her face.
"Yes, missing a meal can be a traumatic experience."
The princess scoffs and scoops the dregs of her breakfast off her plate.
"Don't be rude. Oh, by the way... wouldn't you like to come to my room? It gets lonely in there--"
She's interrupted by the sound of clanking metal. Armored people. Probably over the next hill.

>[]Cammat. Hide. Now.
>[]Let's see who they are, first.
>[]Hey, look! Literally ANYTHING else! Let's pay attention to it!
>[]Other.

>>1383152
>>[]Cammat. Hide. Now.
But not in the expected place.
Go hide in that tree.
See that pile of leaves? Perfect hiding spot.
Oh, would you look at that dead horse. Best hiding spot, if you can stomach it.

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>>1383165
"Cammat, go hide in that very inconspicuous and out of the way tall grass."
"But--"
"JUST DO IT PEOPLE ARE AFTER ME."
She reluctantly goes. Three figures crest the hill as you continue eating.
They take a look at Nova.
"I see you've already taken care of our companion."
You swallow your food.
"More like a dozen of them, already."
One of them steps forward. A glowing mark hovers over his head. His companions are marked as 'two' and 'three'.
I am the Seer, the first elite of the--"
"Yeah, I don't give a shit. So what's your deal?"
The three answer at different times.
"Duels!" cries the Sage.
"THREE ON ONE!" cries the Berserker.
"A game of skill." says the Ranger.
They all look at each other.
"DAMMIT, WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DECIDE ON THIS!"

(Roll 1d20)
>[]I'll do the one at a time duels.
>[]I'll take you all at once!
>[]I'll do your game of skill, as long as I can come up with the rules.
>[]Other.

>>1383195
Nova?
When did we deal with Nova?
How bout,
>I'll duel the sage, fight the barbarian, and participate in a game of skill for the ranger.
But only if you tell me what the hell is going on.

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>1383214
Nova is the big wolfie.

>>1383219
Well shit, I guess it is.
Didn't remember wolfie's name.

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>1383195
And I forgot to friggin roll.

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>>1383214 (you killed Nova's previous owner. He was with the newcomers. Also, it's the Seer, not the Sage, I fucked that up)
>>1383219
"I'll do all three!"
The assassins turn and face you.
"Very well!"
The Seer jumps and lands next to you, summoning fiery cards.
"Let us consult the tarot to see your--"
You slash your sword through whatever card he was reading.
"--fate."
You follow up with another attack to his shoulder, cutting deep.
"Ahh! You didn't follow any of the rules!"
"THREE TWO ONE FIGHT."
The Seer backs up and pulls a card from his deck...
{FUCK I rolled a 20 for his retaliation}
"Your fate is... DEATH!"
You feel some force constrict around your heart. You collapse, clutching at your chest. This is it. Some chucklefuck is going to kill you with a strategy card game.
Your vision begins to turn black. It's the end.
KRA-KOOM!
An agonizingly bright light blinds you. Whatever's squeezing your heart stops. You look up to see the Seer's armor still crackling with electricity.
Is he dead..?
Nope, he gets up. Fortunately, he seems to be in just as bad a shape as you.

(Roll 1d20)
>[]Shoot him. He pulled a fucking death card, least I can do is use a few shotgun blasts.
>[]Stay honorable.
>[]Other.

>>1383238
>>[]Shoot him. He pulled a fucking death card, least I can do is use a few shotgun blasts.
Eh, honor doesn't keep you alive.
>KRA-KOOM!
Divine intervention.

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>>1383243
You smack yourself in the side of the head a few times to clear your vision before reaching through a portal and withdrawing your trusty Spas-12.
"Duel, my ass! Using death cards."
You fire at the Seer. He weakly throws a few card at you, which you dodge. You shoot him again, then again. Then you shoot his dead body.
You cast your healing spell, relieved to feel your heart improve.
"Who's next?"
"Me." the Ranger replies.
"WHA? Ya git, I wiz sapposed ta go!"
"I'm the Second. We should go in numerical order, yes?"
"Suppose tha' makes sens."
The Ranger steps forward.
"Now, it is time for our game of wits. Do you have something in mind? I always did love a good puzzle."

>[]Here's home plate, and here's the banana.
>[]Set up a makeshift Twister board.
>[](write-in)
(And I must be going to sleep now)

>>1383282
>>[]Set up a makeshift Twister board.
Slime powers activate.
Good night stormy.

>>1383286
You drop some colored flowers on the ground in a grid, then write all the 'left hand green' shit on a piece of parchment before handing it to the Berserker.
"Here. Call out a random one every turn, alright?"
You explain the rules to the Ranger.
"This should be simple. Unfortunately for you, I'm double-jointed."
Yeah, well, you're infini-jointed. You could touch all the points at once.

...

"Right hand blue!"
The Ranger desperately reached under you before losing her balance and falling over.
You resolidify and climb back into your armor.
"That wasn't a game of wits! The process was up to chance!"
"Great time for you to mention that."
The Ranger summons her bow.
"No! I will not lose like this!"

Roll 1d20.

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>1383467
That was the wit part.

>>1383585
The Ranger's arrow skids over your left Pauldron, sending sparks flying. You step forward and stab her in the side with your sword.
The Ranger grunts and pulls her knife, swiping at you and missing.
"You're not very good at this."
"SILENCE!"
She parries your next strike and lunges, managing to cut you through your armor.
You slash at her arm, causing her to back off again.

>[]If you run, I'll spare you.
>[]Here, let's have a ranged duel. (D20)
>[]Keep on fighting like normal. (D20)
>[]Other.

>>1383608
>>[]If you run, I'll spare you.
Feel bad for stupid people.

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>1383608

I'll spare you.
If you become my bitch

>>1383619
Supporting

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>1383646
Shit I mean

>start reading archives
>expect cyberpunk demonslaying
>get slice of life as a literal retard with enslaved succubus
Stuff does start to happen eventually, right?

>>1383703
We are i hell atm
Its a bit of a wild ride gone sideways (qm has said as much its still fun just not what it started out as)

>>1383619
>>1383648
"I'll spare you, if you wish. You'll be very indebted to me, though."
She's considering it...
The Ranger throws herself on the ground.
"PLEASE, I JUST DON'T WANT TO DIE LIKE THAT ASSHOLE SEER."
That was easy.

>[]Berserker, you wanted a brawl? How does a two-on-one sound?
>[]Ranger, stand back. I have something to take care of.
>[]Other.

>>1383703
I didn't plan any of this shit, but yeah. It gets a lot less slice of life after the Hell portal.

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>1385130
>>[]Ranger, stand back. I have something to take care of.
Beat him like an old rug.

>>1385367
"Cool. Stand back, it's brawling time."
You roll your shoulders and walk up to the Berserker, smashing your sword against your shield.
"YAAAH!"
He swings his morning stars at you. You duck and lunge up at him, smashing your sword hilt into his faceplate and causing him to stagger.
You back away to get room to swing again. He catches your sword with his flails and pulls, bringing your heads smashing together.
You grunt and kick the Berserker in the crotch. He falls to the ground and groans before swinging a flail up at you. It strikes you in the chest and hurls you backward.
"Ah, aye wuz wonderin' if aye was gonna get a good fight!"

>[]You're a good brawler.
>[]DIE, PAULDRON SCUM!
>[]...do we really have to fight?
>[]Other.

>>1385488
>>[]You're a good brawler.
Is there anything else you're good at?

>>1385507
The Berserker thinks about it as he gets to his feet.
"Nope!"
He brings his flails in a downward slam. You dodge and follow up with a stab, which he also dodges before smashing you over the head.
Your head spins. You just barely miss hitting him again.
"Yer got a headache?"
He kicks you and sends you sprawling. You get up and lunge forward, falling back down after tripping.
"Oh. Must've hitcha a bit too 'ard. I'll wait for yeh to get yer bearings."
You swing and miss again.
"Dammit, don't patronize me."
Finally, your blade stabs the Berserker through the side.
"Tha's more like it!"
You contort uncomfortably around the flails before swinging your blade toward his neck.
You cut through the seam, sending the Berserker's head flying off.
"Good fight."
You set the bodies on fire and call Cammat out.
"Hey, I got a slave."
"How dare you call me that! Wait, you were guarding the princess!?"
"Yep."

>[]Okay, let's go. We've wasted enough daylight.
>[]Help me strap the Ranger to your room, we can use her as a warning.
>[]I changed my mind, I'd rather not have you around... could cause a mess.
>[]Other.

>>1385626
>>[]Okay, let's go. We've wasted enough daylight.
The ranger'll have to walk.

>>1385660
You pack up your supplies and hop up on Nova.
"Kay, Ranger. You're walking."
"What--wait!"
You and Cammat go on your way. You try to go a little slower, but the Ranger recedes and eventually is lost from sight entirely.
You take a stop for lunch. Despite it being an hour or so, the Ranger's been gone for a while.

>[]I should go look for her.
>[]The princess is more important, as much as it hurts to say so. Let's keep going.
>[]THAT BITCH RAN OFF! If I ever see her again I'm gonna kill her.
>[]Other.

>>1385808
>>[]I should go look for her.
Might as well, since she belongs to us now.

>>1385821
You sigh and take Nova back along the trail.
"If you're not back in an hour, I'm leaving." Cammat says.
"Good luck. I'm the one with all the food." you retort.
In any case, you find the Ranger long before the hour's up. She seems surprised to see you.
"Oh... I thought you left me out here."
"Nah. You're my slave now. Hop on, I guess I'll let you ride so you don't get left behind."
She climbs onto Nova's back, and you set off to the camp.
"Cammat, we're going."
She climbs up the rope ladder and follows you.

...

You lean back against a rock and pick the remains of your dinner out of your teeth. The Ranger sits quietly off to the side.

>[]Hey, Cammat? Your dad only threatened *me*, there wasn't anything about others...
>[]So, miss Ranger. You have a name?
>[]Other.

>>1386083
>>[]So, miss Ranger. You have a name?
I like the idea of making them fuck, but we should at least get to know Ranger first.

>>1386219
"Yes, it's Cìlil."
You shrug.
"I've heard worse names."
The camp falls quiet again.
"Well, I cannot stand for the audacity! You attack my bodyguard and expect us to feed you?"
"Cammat, she doesn't really want--"
"Can't you recognize the room up there? It's the top of the tallest tower in Zhaimont, how could you mistake it? You're a coward and a vagrant!"
Cìlil actually flinches and lowers her head. It seems she actually gives a shit about royal authority.

>[]Cammat, I WILL slap you.
>[]Leave her alone. She's my servant, you can't talk down to her like that.
>[]You know... I can't do *that* with you, but your father never mentioned others.
>[]Other.

>>1386355
>>[]You know... I can't do *that* with you, but your father never mentioned others.

>>1386355
>>[]Leave her alone. She's my servant, you can't talk down to her like that.
Then if she continues
>[]Cammat, I WILL slap you.

>>1386422 (flipped a coin. This post wins)
Cammat looks at you irritatedly.
"What are you talking about? I was... oh. I see."
She gets up and places her hands on Cìlil's shoulders.
"Speaking to you out of turn was a bit rude of me. Please, allow me to let you use my quarters. It's far more comfortable than this primitive encampment."
The Ranger bows her head.
"Of course, Your Highness."
"Good. Follow me, then."
They both start climbing up to the floating room.
"Goodnight, Cammat!"
"Hm!"
You lie down on your cot and smile. If her dad found out, it'd at least be easier to bullshit your way out.

...

"Dammit, Alagos..."
You urge Nova beneath a tree, holding on tight as he shakes rainwater off his fur.
You look back at the floating room and listen carefully.
Yeah, they're still going. Pretty deprived princess. At least the magic that held the thing in the air was set to follow you now.

>[]Throw some rocks until they get the hint.
>[]Go faster. Maybe I can get to the next city before they're done and make it really awkward.
>[]Ignore them. I need to concentrate on the road.
>[]Other.

>>1386564
>>[]Go faster. Maybe I can get to the next city before they're done and make it really awkward.

>>1386608
desu I think we should get them to quiet down before we get anywhere, less chance the king finds out we let Cammat get lewd...

>>1387195
As long as we didn't do it.

(lewd wins again like always)
You urge Nova to pick up the pace. You'd throw something to make him run after it, but all you had were grenades, so...
Playing fetch with him would probably end up with you getting your ribs broken, anyway.
(Un?)fortunately, they calm down a while before you see the city walls on the horizon.
It was called Bastion, due to being built practically on the border of a desert. Scrubby vegetation stretches into the distance, eventually becoming bare sand.
The city itself was built in a star fort shape, the walls are imbued with weather-warding spells. You'd probably get fed up with stray sandstorms, too.

>[]Hey, we're almost there! Open a window or something, it's gotta smell in there.
>[]Keep going.
>[]Contemplate the existence of a rainstorm so close to a desert.
>[]Other.

>>1387827
>[]Hey, we're almost there! Open a window or something, it's gotta smell in there.
>[]Keep going.
>[]Contemplate the existence of a rainstorm so close to a desert.

Just do the three.

>>1388032
All three might be difficult for stormy, but that's what I'm voting for.
Sorry stormy.

>>1388032
>>1388118 (thanks for your concern)
You sigh and look up at the tower room.
"Hey, if your done in there you might want to open a window! If your dad finds out about this he'll probably still kill me."
A window opens about halfway. You can hear faint snoring.
You sigh and wrap your Imperator cloak around you a little tighter.
"How'd you even get a storm so close..."
«It's sweeping from behind you toward the desert. Hasn't gotten evaporated yet.»
"Do you casually answer all questions people ask you?"
«Not after poor Grandma got a heart attack.»
You bring Nova to a stop at the city gates and call up to the guards.
"Hello! Princess Cammat and entourage here, we might be off schedule."
They look at the floating room, then back down at you.
"Where's the honor guard?"
"I'm it."
"...has the King been in good health lately?"
"As far as I know."
"Well, we need the Princess's seal..."
You look back up at the room.
"Cammat!"
No response. You reach down and pick up a rock before throwing it at the room. It clacks off the wall.
"Fucking--CAMMAT! SEAL!"
Her scaly hand reaches out of the window and projects a sleeping white dragon.
"...all good. Open the gates! And find somewhere to land this... thing!"
You call back up to the floating room.
"Hey! Where are we staying?"
"Guest rooms in the castle."
"Okay, I'll meet you there."

...

You place your bag on the floor near your bed and unstrap your armor, sighing heavily.
Cammat just sits on your bed like she owns the place.
"Today's itinerary... we will formally greet the Duke before tonight's welcoming ceremony. You are expected to attend, of course. In proper attire."

>[]Hell no.
>[]I'll attend, but you see, where I come from THIS is proper attire.
>[]Fine.
>[]Other.

>>1388317
>>[]I'll attend, but you see, where I come from THIS is proper attire.
Ceremonial armor, but make it actual armor, but for ceremonies.

>>1388334
She's a paladin after all.

>>1388334
"Okay. I'll be sure to wear my best armor."
Cammat seems appalled.
"What!? Wearing your armor to an event such as this? You'll be a laughingstock!"
"I don't give a shit what people think about me. What I DO give a shit about is being safe and sound in this lovely armor. If it makes you feel better, I'll see if I can't borrow a more aesthetic set."
The princess hmphs and sets off for her room.
"I was planning on getting you a nice dress, too."
Oh, GOD no. You can't remember a single time you've worn a dress, and you won't be starting now.

>[]Well, let's see what Alagos has...
>[]Cìlil's absent again. I better make sure she is where she's supposed to be.
>[]Look for food.
>[]Other.

>>1388432
>>[]Well, let's see what Alagos has...
Maby something that SPARKles.
>[]Cìlil's absent again. I better make sure she is where she's supposed to be.
Try to convert her.

File: IMG_1363.jpg (110 KB, 900x900)

110 KB JPG

>>1388446
You open the portal and squeeze through, taking a look around the armory.
Let's see... here's a good one.
Nice and protective, but it's got some decorative wings and whatnot.
You hop back out of the armory and head over to Cammat and Cìlil's room.
"Hey, Cì--"
"MMMM OH YEAH FUCK ME HAR--"
You shut the door, feeling a sudden kinship with Faervel. Is this what it's like to live with you..?

>[]Barge in.
>[]Knock.
>[]Ignore them. If they aren't there to meet the Duke it isn't your problem.
>[]Other.

>>1388533
>[]Barge in.
Eh, do you really care?
Talk to them as if they are doing nothing.

>>1388765
You open the door, walk in, and close it again before sitting in an armchair.
"So, Cìlil. Since you're my slave now, I was wondering if you would like to defect to our Order."
"Mmmubgh *slurp slurp*"
(I wouldn't join your Order for anything! Also what are you doing in here)
"I'm here to convert you."
"Right there! Oh, gods yes~"
"Shh. We're having a conversation, Cammat."
"Ummm!"
(I swore an oath! Following your orders is ine thing, I will be gone as soon as I've repaid you for sparing me)

>[]Youre not going anywhere for the foreseeable future.
>[]You can either join us or be thrown into the dungeons. I came up with a nice, humiliating form of torture just a few weeks ago.
>[]It's your decision. I can't stop you from doing what you want. Sometimes, anyway.
>[]Other.

>>1388793
>>[]It's your decision. I can't stop you from doing what you want. Sometimes, anyway.
>[]Other.
Cammat, how does this armor look?
Good night stormy.

>>1388801
"Uuuuhhh, yeahhh..."
(It almost meets the minimum standard for this sort of event)
"Perfect. You better hurry this up, we have to go say hi to the Duke."
You slip out the door and walk back to your room. You had been thinking about taking the ultramarine armor, but that was more suitable for the End of the World then a welcome ceremony. Besides, it would've been REALLY fucking heavy.

...

You stand before Duke Erthor, in the throne room of his castle.
You almost bow on instinct, but quickly remember that you're the same rank. A shit-eating grin creeps onto your face, hidden by your helmet.
Poor Cìlil's the only one who does so. You and Cammat just exchange curt nods with Erthor.
"Well, you're a bit early." the Duke remarks.
"We have been traveling in a smaller group than usual. As such, we've made better progress on the roads."
The Duke nods.
"That makes sense. Well, I'm not one for speeches. Let's get you some decent food, you must be weary from your journey."
"Oh, you have no idea!"
This bitch didn't even move her goddamn legs most of the time...
You arrive in the castle's ballroom, set up to accommodate rich people food. As expected, you go unmolested in the corner.
Cìlil walks up to you.
"Hi. I got you a drink."
She hands you a glass filled with clear golden liquid.
"Thanks."
"No problem. You looked lonely."
The Ranger disappears back into the crowd.
...was that Brannor?

>[]Go say hi to him.
>[]Stay in the corner.
>[]Offer him your drink. You weren't thirsty anyway.
>[]Other.

File: IMG_1287.png (137 KB, 565x622)

137 KB PNG

>>1388801
(Goodnight, anon)

>>1388822
>>[]Other.
Walk around, look intimidating.
Try and convert someone?
Nah, look for food instead.

File: IMG_1172.jpg (65 KB, 750x1000)

65 KB JPG

>>1389707
You walk over to the food-laden tables, making sure to give several people intimidating stares. You're pretty happy with how you're scaring off particularly bothersome-looking nobles, too.
You set your drink down to get a plate. By the time you look back, some scumbag's taken it already. Oh, well. There's plenty more.
You go back to your corner and get to eating.
"Er, excuse me--"
Staaaaaaaare...
"--I see you're busy."
You follow Cammat as she flits around the ballroom. She seems like she's having a good--
"EEEEEEEEEEK!"
*crash*

>[]Lock the room down immediately.
>[]Guess I better take a look...
>[]It was probably just a very large and resourceful rat.
>[]Other.

>>1389887
>>[]Lock the room down immediately.
Draw weapon, look even more intimidating.
Rush to the disturbance.

>>1389887
>[]Lock the room down immediately

>>1389999
>Rush to the disturbance.

Aren't we locking the room, instead?

Also, keep an eye om the wondows (if there is any) in case of agile assassins.

I think the person that drank our drink just died.

>>1390071
I think so too, lets lock down the room and then go to the incident.

>>1389999
>>1390064
"Seal this room off. Nobody gets in or out." you whisper to the nearest guard. Shouting it would just cause a panic.
You stride over to the source of the disturbance, unceremoniously shoving nobles out of the way.
Brannor's bloated form lies on the ground. It won't be long before he gets back up.
"Is he alright!?" someone asks.
You look him over. "No wounds... if this was magic it was subtle. Obvious answer is poison."
The nobles begin whispering amongst each other.
"Did he pick up a drink near the desserts? About twenty minutes ago?"
"Y-yes. He had about twelve more drinks afterwards, as well."
And who knows how many before he took yours... shit. Searching these people for the poison flask would be useless, as well. They could've thrown it away or given it to someone else long ago.
You scan the room. Doors and windows were being shut by the guards.
"Dammit."
Was this a mistake? Did the killer miss their target, or were they trying to frame you? They might've just been gunning for Brannor, he probably made some enemies...

>[]Get Cammat out. They're probably targeting her.
>[]Let Brannor's revenant seek out the killer.
>[]Get the corpse disposed of and think of some way to find the killer.
>[]It's probably the Order of Ruin. You need to leave before they kamikaze this place or something.
>[]Other.

>>1390247
>>[]Other.
Keep Cammat near you, if they are after her she'll be safer near you.

>>1390335
You walk over next to Cammat.
"Stay close. Somebody might be after you."
She looks terrified. Someone getting poisoned in front of you tends to have that effect.
Cìlil looks at Brannor in silence.
"Should we do something before he gets up?"

>[]No. He can lead us to the killer if they're here.
>[]Yep, I'll do that now. Can't have a panic.
>[]...what did you put in that drink?
>[]Other.

>>1390518
>>[]...what did you put in that drink?
Then
>[]No. He can lead us to the killer if they're here.

>>1390552
"Cìlil, what did you put in it?"
"What?"
"What did you put in that drink you gave me? Brannor took it."
"I didn't take anything!"
"We'll see soon enough."
You clear the nobles away from Brannor's corpse.
"He'll lead us to his murderer."
A few minutes later, he pushes himself up and starts shuffling over to the balcony doors. A guard hurriedly opens them, and Brannor falls right off the railing and SPLATS on the ground outside.
"Wait, tell those guards down theAAAAAGH NOOOOOO!"
The revenant is quickly set on fire and disposed of.
"...at least it wasn't anyone in this room."

>[]I'm not convinced Cìlil doesn't know anything. Time for torture!
>[]He was going toward the sewer entrance, possibly? I should go see what's down there.
>[]Trail's gone cold. Everyone go home.
>[]Other.

>>1390917
>>[]He was going toward the sewer entrance, possibly? I should go see what's down there.
Cammat, how do you feel about sewers?
Too bad, we're going anyway.
You too, Cìlil.
Good night stormster, I need some sleep.

File: IMG_1365.jpg (448 KB, 1200x561)

448 KB JPG

>>1391688 (night)
You grab Cammat and Cìlil before running over to the ballroom door.
"The killer's gone, let everyone free."
"Krystal, where on earth are we going?"
"Someplace safe, come on."

...

You stop and lift a grate from the street, keeping watch on the area around you.
"Wha--I'm not going in there!"
"Too bad, bitch. Down you go!"
You push Cammat in. Fifteen, twenty foot drop. A disgusting SQUELCH emanates from the sewer.
"UUUUUUGH! This was my best dress!"
You push Cìlil in as well before jumping down yourself.
"OH GOD it smells."
"Of course it does. People shit 24/7."
A little ball of light floats above your head, illuminating the sewer tunnel.
"Okay... this way."
"What are we even doing--"
"SHUT UP, IT'S AN ADVENTURE!"

Roll 1d20.

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>1392140

File: IMG_1314.jpg (124 KB, 698x1143)

124 KB JPG

>>1392857
You can hear splashing from down the tunnel.
"Who's there?"
A woman jumps out of the shadows. You move to intercept, but she uppercuts you with a clawed weapon, knocking you into the sludge.
"Cìlil, you traitor!"
Cìlil dodges the woman's next strike. The assassin takes the opportunity to grab Cammat and run off into the shadows.
"KRYSTAAAAAAL!" the princess shrieks as she disappears into the shadows.
You get up and run after her.
"Cìlil! Who was that?"
"The Valkyrie. I can't tell if she has anyone else with her."
You round a corner. Two fiery dolls--about knee height--are waiting for you. A warrior with a shield and axe, and an archer. They ready their weapons as they see you.
"Okay, the Puppetmaster is here, as well."

Roll 1d20.

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>1393367
Drop kick the dolls.

>>1393420
The little warrior smacks you with it's sword. This does nothing.
You pick it up by it's head, ignoring the heat. It struggles and kicks.
You drop the thing and kick it off into the darkness. It lands with a splash in the muck and disappears.
The archer hits Cìlil with an arrow. She grunts and pulls it out, leaving burns on her hand and side.
She nocks her own arrow and skewers the archer.
"They aren't dangerous by themselves, but make sure you don't get swarmed."
You nod.
"I'm just glad there isn't enough methane down here to burn."
You come to a crossroads. Four-way intersection, with a grate letting in some moonlight.

You think you saw a distant flame in the left tunnel. A scrap of black cloth (could be from Cammat's dress) is half-buried under muck toward the right tunnel, and you can't see anything up ahead.

>[]Left.
>[]Right.
>[]Straight.
>[]Just leave the princess for dead.

>>1393464
>>[]Right.
Try to save the princess, hopefully there won't be any Lub-Lubs.

File: IMG_1315.jpg (114 KB, 789x1012)

114 KB JPG

>>1393474
You turn right and trudge down the tunnel, coming to a stop at a slope leading upwards. This wasn't gonna be fun.
A few minutes later, you finish crawling your way to the top. You're gonna need to take about fifteen baths with bleach after this...
Another assassin stands before you.
"Well, it seems she was right. That scrap did lure you in."
He readies his swords.
"Ranger, are you ready?"
Cìlil stands next to the Fencer.
"Cìlil, what are you--"
"That's not my name, Krystal. And now, I'm going to make you pay for killing my brother."
She summons her bow.
"Treating HIS beast like your friend... well, now you're down here, where nobody will find you. At least I got to have some fun with the princess!"
She laughs as fiery puppets emerge from side passages.

Roll 1d20.
>[]Charge ahead.
>[]Back down the slope. You can lose them in the tunnels.
>[]Draw your guns. You'll have the advantage with these small spaces.
>[]Other.

>>1393518
>>[]Other.
Slime time, become one with the sewage. Sneak up and destroy them, well Cìlil, we need the other one to tell us where the princess is.
So Cìlil did poison our drink.

>>1393534
You slime out of your armor and grab the Ranger, pulling her over to the slope.
She and the Fencer uselessly slap at you.
"Coward!" she shouts as you unceremoniously toss her down. She'd take a while to get back up.
Uh, the puppets are carrying your armor off.

>[]Get them, then. Can't go around without armor.
>[]They can have it. I'm safe in the sewage. (D20)
>[]Other.

Is that the ceremonial armor, or that grey like armor we found pieces of till we got the full suit?

>>1394012
(Ceremonial. You had no time to change)

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>1395009
>>1393714
>[]They can have it. I'm safe in the sewage. (D20)
I hope that's a candy bar.

>>1395102 (unfortunately, candy bars haven't been invented yet. And I forgot to mention that your sword and other shit is with the armor)
You keep low. The Ranger tries to scramble back up the slope, but slips down.
You send a stream of liquid shit into the Fencer's eyes. He stumbles and slips, loosing a fire spell which streaks toward you.
Turns out shitslimes burn surprisingly well.

>[]Deslime, get the fire out ASAP.
>[]Go give him a big hug.
>[]Chase after the puppets.
>[]Other.

>>1395226
>>[]Chase after the puppets.
Fricking sword, and shoot lasers behind you as you run.
I do believe 4chan doesn't like me.

>>1395384 (4chan doesn't like anyone)
https://youtube.com/watch?v=ztvLmHR6A_Q
You solidify and coat yourself in bio mail, asking every god you can think of to spare you from being made of sewage.
You fire lasers behind you at random. They all zoom past the Fencer, but it keeps him dodging.
"Little fuckers."
You systematically stomp on the puppets, ignoring their attacks aimed at your feet, before oozing back into your armor.
Bad timing. The Valkyrie is back.
As soon as you solidify, she pins your arms, opens your faceplate, and starts smashing you in the face with her claw thing.
The princess is nowhere in sight.

Roll 1d20.

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>1395894
Well shit, try channeling electricity?

File: IMG_1367.jpg (127 KB, 768x432)

127 KB JPG

>>1396001 (Very nice, Shizu-chan!)
You slip your arm out from under the Valkyrie's knee and grab her face, channeling lightning straight to her head, which popped like a baked potato wrapped in tinfoil.
"Oh, god..."
That was just about the only way you could make this place smell worse.
The Fencer rubs down the hall, pausing as he sees the Valkyrie's dead body.
"You bitch!"
He runs forward and swings his blades. You deflect them and smash your forehead into his, sending him reeling.

>[]Run. I HAVE to find the princess.
>[]Stay here and fight. The less enemies there are, the better. (D20)
>[]Other.

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>1396045
>>[]Stay here and fight. The less enemies there are, the better. (D20)
Testing my luck.
Do you want to hear a horrible joke?
Will anger feminist and women in general.

>>1396055
Shouldn't of tested it.

>>1396055 (I love horrible jokes)
You step forward to stab the Fencer in a weak point, but lose your balance and slip. It's not all bad, as he misses his strike and falls with you.
An arrow skids across your helmet. The Ranger is back.

>[]Run and gun.
>[]Try and use the Fencer as a shield.
>[]Focus on the Ranger first. Fucking with you is a crime, straight betrayal is a far more serious one.
>[]Other.

>>1396108
>>[]Focus on the Ranger first. Fucking with you is a crime, straight betrayal is a far more serious one.
We let her have her way with the princess.
How do you brainwash a woman?

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>>1396136 (I'd assume like how you brainwash any other human, but do go on)
You get up, dodging another arrow whizzing past you.
"I should've known I couldn't trust you!" you growl, swinging your blade into her arm. It doesn't get cut off, unfortunately.
"You surrendered WAY to easily!"
The Ranger pulls her knife and stabs you through a seam in your armor. It's bad...
You punch her in the face, breaking her nose.
You swivel, dodging the Fencer's swing before hurling the Ranger's knife away from you.
{20, time for double execution}
"FUCK."
You grab the Ranger by her hair.
"YOU."
You hurl her into the Fencer and draw your Gauss Flayer.
"BOTH!!!"
You crank the dial on the side as high as it can go and pull the trigger. A ball of green light flies out and explodes above the assassins' heads, turning their corpses into ash.
You cast your healing spell, sealing the gash in your chest before continuing down the tunnel.

...

The Puppetmaster stands atop some stairs leading to the surface, holding a knife to Cammat's throat.
More kids... fucking psychopaths.
"Tassoni. How nice of you to join us!"
The Puppetmaster presses her knife a little harder into Cammat's throat.
The princess is limp, her eyes registering no emotion. She's probably in shock.
"Here's the deal. Your life for hers!"
She manipulates a puppet controller with her off hand, summoning more little warriors.

>[]Negotiate. (Write-in)
>[]How about a fight instead?
>[]You wouldn't do it. She's too valuable.
>[]Other.

>>1396243
I hate coming up with write ins.
You jump on her douche bag.
I have to go to bed, night stormy.
I'll do the write in when i wake up and can think better.

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>>1396260
Not bad. My favorite is 'God gave men an extra leg, and gave women an extra mouth.'
Have a good sleep.

>>1396243
>>1396260
I am back, not necessarily thinking better, but I'm back.

>[]Negotiate. (Write-in)
How about this, you let the princess go and I won't shove those flaming dolls up your ass. And after she is gone we can fight fair and square.

>>1398148
The Puppetmaster shakes her head.
"I'm afraid not. If I let her go, there's nothing stopping you from killing me. I have no illusions about resisting. I wouldn't need these if I had a chance, wouldn't I?"
She gestures at her puppets.
Cammat claws at the Puppetmaster's face, causing her to flinch and drop the knife. The princess breaks free and hides behind you, a silver pendant swinging from her neck as she runs. Strange, you didn't remember her having that before...
"Damn. I thought we'd get to enjoy our standoff a little longer."
A bead of sweat drops down the girl's face. The miniature warriors, wizards, rogues and archers ready their weapons.

>[]Fight. (D20)
>[]Investigate that necklace...
>[]Other.

>>1399631
If you don't want to fight, that's fine by me.
Then
>[]Investigate that necklace...

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>>1399854
You look at Cammat.
"Hey, gimme that. It's probably a bomb."
"Wha--no, don't!"
You slip the necklace over her head. She immediately grows into a large drake-lady holding a halberd.
...
"WHAT THE FUCK!?"
"You weren't supposed to notice that!" the Puppetmaster snarls from the stairs.
"What do I do? Kill her? Proceed as normal?"

>[]*grab the Puppetmaster* WHERE IS SHE?!
>[]Kill the drake. (D20)
>[]Kill the puppets first. They're more annoying. (D20)
>[]Other.

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>1399958
Try to recruit the drake lady for Cammat.
Tell her Cammat has a sex drive that might rival the lust/love god.
Then deal with the puppeteer.

>>1399974
Hopefully drakes like dragons.

>>1399974
You point at the Puppetmaster.
"Get her! You'll be rewarded by the princess!" you shout, using your Imperator voice.
"Uh, right!"
The drake runs forward.
"No, not me, her!" the Puppetmaster shouts.
"Uhh, I..."
The drake looks back and forth between you before running off into the sewers.
"AAAAAAAAA!"
"Why did I bring her..."
The puppets close in and start attacking you. You growl and start stomping on them, crushing one completely and injuring several others.
The Puppetmaster runs away, climbing the ladder to the surface.
"HEY! GET BACK HERE!"
You draw your knife and hurl it at her. It buries itself in her arm, causing her to lose balance and hang from the ladder by one foot.
You wrench the puppet controller from her hand and crush it beneath your boot.

>[]Where is she?
>[]Time for you to die.
>[]Twist the knife.
>[]Other.

>>1400167
>>[]Where is she?
And offer the drake a job where people would be less likely to holler at her.

>>1400185
"Where's Cammat?"
"Like I would--"
You rip your knife out of her arm and club her across the ear with it.
"WHERE IS SHE?!"
"Teleported... our stronghold. In Delgaran." the girl wheezed.
Delgaran. Fuck.
That's Ruin's patron city. Crawling with his worshippers.
Worse still, it's across the border. In Cinderfell.
"Why did you take her there?"
"I don't know... primary target was killing you. Secondary was the princess. That's... all I know."

>[]Kill her.
>[]Let her live and search for the drake. She could be useful. (D20)
>[]Other.

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>1400257
>>[]Let her live and search for the drake. She could be useful. (D20)
Nice drake.

>>1400299
You leave the Puppetmaster and walk down the halls.
"Uhh... drake lady? I could use some help..."
She pokes her head around the corner.
"Sorry! I got confused by all the orders..."
"It's okay. No more shouting. I need your help to find the princess you captured."
"But we just--"
"Yeah, I know. Dumb bosses."
You let her borrow the pendant long enough for her to climb out, then take it back. You might want a disguise, after all.
You tell the drake to meet you on the way out at midnight. She runs off.

>[]Get clean, then grab your stuff.
>[]Get to someone high ranking. Tall them Cammat's been kidnapped.
>[]Other.

>>1400475
>>[]Get to someone high ranking. Tall them Cammat's been kidnapped.
Then
Get your shit together.

>>1400494
Well, Krystal's shit, Not yours op, unless you need to.

>>1400494
You run up to the castle and burst into the Duke's throne room.
"Krystal! Why are you covered--"
"Cammat's been captured!"
"What!?"
"I went to the sewers to investigate Brannor's murder, because he was going that way... I took the princess because I didn't know if I could trust anyone, and the Order of Ruin kidnapped her!"
"What--Order of Ruin? Sewers..? No, explain further once you've been cleaned up."
You take a quick bath, hand your ceremonial armor back to Alagos (who promptly dumps them into a tub of bleach), and put your regular equipment on. The magical soaps leave you smelling faintly of pine, rather than digestive waste.
You explain the situation a little better. The Duke nods solemnly.
"I see. What do you plan to do?"
"...I'm getting her back. I'm fucked if I don't."

...

You urge Nova to a stop near the city gates. The drake looks down at you.
"Aww. Cute puppy."

(1/2)

>>1400753
"I know, right? He's great."
You scratch the wolf behind the ears.
"Let's go."

...

Several weeks pass. The road to Cinderfell is pretty shit, but not frequented much.
You wake up one day to find a communication pocket resting next to your head.
You pick it up.
"Hello..?" you mumble, sleepily.
"Krystal? You picked up! It's been so long, are you okay?"

>[]Yeah. Chasing a kidnapped princess.
>[]No. I've almost been killed like fifteen times and the King is probably going to kill me.
>[]I'm on a secret mission. Where did this thingy come from..?
>[]Other.

>>1400784
>>[]Yeah. Chasing a kidnapped princess.
Feeling like Mario.
Lets hope she isn't in another castle.

Good night stormy.

>>1400797 (and you emerged from a sewer to go fight a spiky guy in a lava castle. I swear I didn't plan this. Also, have a good night)
Tsuyoi pauses at your words.
"Oh, you lost her? That... doesn't sound good."
"It isn't. Hopefully the King forgives me if I get his daughter back by myself."
"Well, I'll be waiting patiently. Kasai, say hi to mommy!"
"Bbbbbbbbbbbbb!"
Tsuyoi sighs happily, then worry creeps back into her voice.
"Be careful out there, okay?"
"I will. I'm always careful, right?"
"No, not really."
"Ha! Bye, Tsuyoi."
"Bye."
The device quiets down. You fiddle with it and eventually figure out its supposed to attach to your arm.
You get up and start cooking breakfast. The device buzzes again, and you answer.
"Hell--"
"TASSONIIIIIIIII!"
It's the King. And he sounds pissed.

>[]MY LORD I SWEAR I'LL GET YOUR DAUGHTER BACK
>[]Hi, I can't come to the codec right now. Leave a message at the tone!
>[]Yes, your Highness?
>[]Other.

>>1401187
>>[]Yes, your Highness?
Well shit on a shingle.

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>>1401795
"YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHAT I'M CALLING YOU ABOUT!"
You look down at your new codec. A giant orange eye stares up at you in the viewing gem. The King's pissed enough to take on actual dragon form.
"I TRUSTED YOU, AND YOU LET MY DAUGHTER GET KIDNAPPED!"
"It would've been fine if we had some actual Royal Guard with us! But no, I have to do it all myself!"
"What? They should've been there."
"Well, they weren't!"
The eye narrows.
"...I didn't order this. Just get her back, Tassoni. I need to attend to something."
The eye backs away, and the codec shuts off.
You go back to making breakfast. Whatever conspiracy is going on, you can't do anything about it. So why worry?
The drake yawns and sits up.
"Oh, that smells good. I'll go fetch something for my breakfast."
She gets up and wanders off to kill some poor creature. Drakes certainly eat a lot...
A small slip of paper falls out of the codec. You must've missed it.
Hey, Krystal. A bunch of people wanted to talk to you, and kept asking me to do something about that. So I'm just giving you this. Much easier than sending letters or missives. If you need anything (As long as it isn't against 'THE RULES'), just ask. My frequency is 001.32.
-Alagos

>[]Give him a call.
>[]Keep up with breakfast. There's no time to waste, Cammat needs help.
>[]Other.

>>1402663
>>[]Keep up with breakfast. There's no time to waste, Cammat needs help.
If anything, you can call him on the road.
Ask the drake lady what her name is and if she wants the food she caught cooked.

>>1402685
You go back to cooking your food. The drake emerges from the trees almost right as you finish, spitting a bone out of her mouth.
"I could've cooked that, if you wanted."
"Well, you said we have to hurry."
"I guess I did... what's your name again?"
"Oh sorry, it's Emlygil."
Interesting name. You pack up your things and hop up on Nova.
"Come on, boy. Only like, seventy miles to go."

...

You look up at Elymil, putting your spyglass away.
"I've determined that the farmhouse has no visible traps, ninjas, or Ruin paraphernalia. So yeah, we'll stay there tonight."
The drake smiles.
"Oh, it's been so long since I slept somewhere with a lee from the wind!"
You urge Nova down the hill, dismount, and knock on the door. It's pulled open by an Imp, his face covered in whiskers.
"Whaddaya want?"

>[]Can me and my friend stay the night?
>[]Hello, would you like to learn more about the Order of Alagos?
>[]Can I speak to the man of the house, please?
>[]Other.

>>1402841
>>[]Can me and my friend stay the night?
Then once you're in,
>[]Hello, would you like to learn more about the Order of Alagos?

>>1402990
"Can me and my friend stay here for the night?"
The Imp sighs.
"Honey?"
"Course they can stay, ya git!"
"Whatever you say. Come on in."
"Uh, my friend's gonna have to wait outside..."

You sit down at the table. Elymil sits outside and looks through the window.
The Imp's wife was an Orc lady who was just shy of being seven feet tall. She wore an apron and smiled at you a lot.
"Uh... so. Would you like to hear about our Atmospheric Overlord?"
"Do tell us 'bout dis!" the Orc says before her husband can decline.
"Alright... so, in a distant land, the storm god Alagos was cast into an abyss of suffering, known as Hell..."

...

"But they had to keep commuting sin to get out? That seems counterproductive."
"It was a trap to keep people slowly becoming worse and worse. Alagos broke the cycle."
You look out the window. Elymil was fast asleep.
"Yeah, I should be going to bed."
The Imp leads you up to a room in the cabin.
"Here's where our son... anyway, it's unused. Just don't break anything."
You nod.
"Thank you for your hospitality."
"It's fine."
He leaves.

>[]Give Alagos a call.
>[]Just go to sleep.
>[]Other.

>>1403120
>>[]Give Alagos a call.
Make sure he is ok, and forgot her name succubus lady are ok.

>>1403135
You bring up the codec.
*beep... beep... bleep!*
"Hey. How's it?"
"Pretty good. Except for the missing princess making the King really angry with me."
"Yeah... I'd probably be angry if my daughter got kidnapped. Which had better not happen, by the way."
"Yeah, that she not gonna happen. So how's Sasha?"
"She's mellowed out a little. Two, three months left? Then we'll still have a whiny problem, but one extra person to help take care of it. I saw Kasai, by the way. He's cute."
"He is, isn't he? Tsuyoi's a good mother. Me, not so much."
"You should have him help in the forge when he's old enough. So he can get some testosterone. Don't tell him about the ashes, though."
"Wasn't planning on it. By the way, you're going to give me a blessing when I go on the actual princess retrieval mission, right?"
"Of course, if you get caught. You can also contact me for sage advice."
He clears his throat.
"People's reaction speed is slowest around three o'clock in the morning, and so is their judgment. If you're feeling drowsy, you should get some sleep."
"Yeah, I kind of figured being tired was bad for combat."
"I was just trying to be helpful... love you."
"Love you, too. Bye."
You shut off the codec and lie down.
"...hey!"

...

You wake up and yawn.
"Okay, what's first..."

>[]Breakfast.
>[]You can eat on the road. Just get to the fortress as fast as possible.
>[]Other.

>>1403296
>>[]You can eat on the road. Just get to the fortress as fast as possible.
Ask Elymil how she was recruited by the the Ruin dickheads.

>>1403296
Good night stormy, I'm gonna hit the bed early.

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>>1403324
>>1403413 (have not-bad dreams)
You grab some food from the table and bow toward the farmers.
"Thanks for letting us stay here."
"Oh, you're not staying for breakfast?"
"Sorry, I need to be going. Hope you have a good season."
"Hoped about six years too late."
You feed Nova some meat chunks and pat his head.
"You're doing good, boy. Come on, just a little farther."
You take a bite of your breakfast sandwich and look up at Elymil.
"So... how'd you get involved with the Order of Ruin? You don't seem like the type to kill people."
"Well, my mother said to always help those in need, and these people said they needed my help. They told me to act like the princess until I got close to the King, then kill him."
"Y-you were going to kill him?"
"Yeah, that's what they asked. Isn't he bad?"
"No, he's good! Those Ruin assholes lied. You can't trust anyone that inhales more dick than oxygen."
The drake is quiet for a minute.
"...they lied. I trusted them. I was going to kill a--"

>[]We'll teach them not to lie anymore.
>[]It's alright. We're saving the King's daughter, and you didn't know any better.
>[]Remain silent. Some things need to be worked out by themselves.
>[]Other.

>>1403490
>>[]Remain silent. Some things need to be worked out by themselves.
Then when she reaches her conclusion.
>[]It's alright. We're saving the King's daughter, and you didn't know any better.

Damn it, can't go to bed. Need to download shit.

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>>1403511
"...well, I suppose nobody got hurt, in the end."
You nod.
"We're saving his daughter. Besides, I'm not going to tell the King that you were ordered to kill him."
Elymil looks down at you.
"Thanks, uh..."
"Krystal."

...

You bring Nova to a stop outside Delgaran and look up at the castle situated on the mountain behind it.
"Jesus, at least try and act like good guys..."
The Order of Ruin's fortress is surrounded by lava. Two bridges lead in, one for guests, and one for servants or delivery people. Each is flanked by two towers, with decorative buttresses connecting them to the bridges. You could potentially run up and get in that way. Black pylons are spaced evenly in the moat, keeping the heat from bothering people who got too close (of course, getting close was still a bad idea). One of them is cracked, and some of the magma has cooled, allowing access to a chute in the side of the wall.
A tower rises up from off one of the corners. Elymil tells you that the princess is probably being kept in there, and that the only entrance is through the fortress. Shit.
All in all, not a bad setup they have. Project Columbia would totally blow it out of the lava, though. Sadly, it was going to take years to build at this rate.

>[]See about getting into that chute.
>[]Run up the buttresses and start smashing up the place.
>[]Sneak in with a shipment or something.
>[]Just walk in and try to negotiate.
>[]Get room and board, then wait for nighttime, like a smart person would.
>[]Other.

>>1403622
>>[]Get room and board, then wait for nighttime, like a smart person would.
We have to keep up the illusion anyway.

>>1403628
You walk into a nice, mid-price inn.
"So, how much a night?"
"Fifteen crowns."
You dig in your money pouch--wait, crowns?
"...shit. Hold on."
A quick trip to the bank later, and you've exchanged your nice, lovely Wisps for the ugly lumps of lead that are Cinderfell crowns. ¢500, to be exact.
You pay for your room (and Elymil's stable space) and sit down on the bed.
"Okay, I guess I should take a nap..."
A knock sounds on your door. You discreetly put a hand on your gun.
"Come in."
One of the servants enters with some food.
"Here, complementary dinner."
"Oh, thanks."
You take a bite of some grayish meat. It's okay.
"If you ever need anything, just call. We offer some... special services, too. I could call a male servant, if you want."

>[]Nah, I just want to take a nap. Hard day of traveling.
>[]That could be fun. Send someone in.
>[]How much for you?
>[]Other.

>>1403652
Turning down these choices hurt
>[]Nah, I just want to take a nap. Hard day of traveling.
Maby tomorrow, cutie.

>>1403658 (sacrifices must be made for the greater good. Just remember Tsuyoi would be proud)
"Nah, I'm not really looking for that tonight. I'm just gonna go to sleep early. Maybe tomorrow."
Yeah, if you aren't dead or being chased out of town by ripoff Khornates.
The servant nods.
"Have a good rest."
She takes the tray when you're finished, and you lie down.
«Alagos, wake me up at midnight.»
«I'm not your--»
«Thanks.»

...

Your lovely dream involving Tsuyoi and... several others is interrupted by the walls melting.
"WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP"
You sit bolt upright and wipe the sweat from your forehead.
«You're welcome. Smiley face.»
Bastard.
You put your armor on and go down to wake Elymil.
The castle gates are closed, presumably because of the late hour.

>[]Get up into that chute. (D20)
>[]Climb the buttresses. Preferably stealthily
>[]Have Elymil help you break the door down.
>[]Just go back to sleep and negotiate for Cammat's release tomorrow.
>[]Other.

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>1403683
>>[]Get up into that chute. (D20)
Have Elymil wait outside, we don't want her hurt and she can ready our getaway.

>>1403694
"Wait here. I'll need someone to cover my escape."
Elymil nods. You crack your knuckles and run across the cooled lava, taking a flying leap into the chute. You get a handhold and start chimneying your way up.
Some scraps of food fall past you. Makes sense. You'd use lava to get rid of your garbage if you could.
You take a peek out of the chute and dive out, rolling behind a food trolley. Fortunately, nobody's around to hear you clattering across the tile floor. Must be all asleep.

>[]Make your way to Calaron's quarters. You're going to beat the shit out of him...
>[]Go to the chapel. Might as well disrespect Ruin while you're here.
>[]There is only the mission. Get to Cammat.
>[]Other.

>>1403784
>>[]There is only the mission. Get to Cammat.
We don't need a beating, again.

>>1403793
https://youtube.com/watch?v=ncNSJGPl8X4
You sneak through the kitchens, doing your best to remember where the tower was. Fortunately, you don't have to. The guards to the bridge are plenty noisy.
"--MORE chocolate?"
"Well, she's spoiled. And distraught. Hey, when are we gonna get the ransom?"
"The boss hasn't even sent it yet."
"SERIOUSLY!? Godsdammit."

(Roll 1d20)
>[]Walk by like you own the place.
>[]Run up and kill them before they can react.
>[]Sneak over and kill them silently.
>[]Other.

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>1403824
>[]Walk by like you own the place.
If they look at you, give them a death stare. Bluff your ass off.

>>1403828
8
And now we gonna have to fight.

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>>1403828
You walk up. The guards tense.
"Hey, you're not supposed to be here."
You draw your sword and stab the one on the left. He grunts and retaliates, hacking at your shoulders. The other hand his spear into your gut, sending a flash of pain through your abdomen.
You swipe at the one on your right, who dodges. On the backswing, you cut off the other guard's arm.
"Gaaaah!"
He collapses.
His friend presses against you, keeping you from moving forward. You land several hits, but you manage to overpower him in the end.
The dismembered guard picks up his spear and attacks you one-handed. You finish him off quickly and throw both their bodies into the lava below and cast your healing spell.
You should get moving before someone comes by...
(1/2)

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>>1403853
A man stands in the middle of the bridge.
"NO, NO NO NO NOOOOOO--"
"Tassoni. How nice of you to join us this fine evening."
The Marksman summons two flaming pistols into his hands.
"I was quite intrigued by your invention. I've created magical imitations, as you can see. Which will win in the end, the inventor, or the invention?"
This motherfucking Jack Sparrow lookin' ass...

Roll 1d20.
>[]Show him what a real gun looks like.
>[]Charge forward. Your shield should take the hits, and he'll be useless at close quarters.
>[]Other.

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>1403866
>>[]Show him what a real gun looks like.
And say they were deliberately crappy knockoffs of the real things.
Then blow the bridge out from under him, with the good stuff.
Now I must REALLY go to bed. Good night stormy.

>>1403872 (goooood night)
You laugh.
"Oh, you fool. You see, all blueprints and designs I circulated are incomplete! Several key features are absent from every gun in this planet except what we've got at Diluvium... and I know for a fact that nobody can get those."
The Marksman steps back.
"Such audacity! Where did you even get such advanced designs?"
"A little blue ball named Earth. Hold still."
You pull out the bolted and aim it at the assassin.
"And here's the REALLY advanced one!"
You fire. The rocket whistles past the Marksman and smashes into the tower, blowing a hole in the wall.
"PIECE OF SHIT!"
{*rolls 20* oh god here it comes}
The Marksman aims and fires--

Subject KR-046/B terminated.
Searching...
New subject located: KR-032/B.
Spacetime differentiation within acceptable margins.
Begin memory playback.

The bolter rocket spins and slams into the bridge between the both of you, sending you both sprawling.
"PIECE OF SHIT!"
You switch the bolter for your Bravo, slamming the bipod down and aiming for the Marksman.
You fire several times, tearing through his armor and upper body. He fires back, managing to hit you a few times. Your shoulder burns.
You stand up and brace yourself, firing again. A bullet cuts straight through his stomach.
The Marksman levels his gun and fires--
Somehow, his magic replica backfires, blowing a hole in his face.
"GAHAHAHAHA! YOUR WEAPONS RECOGNIZE THEIR CREATOR, BITCH!"
You hurl the assassin over the edge and sprint into the tower. There were nine of them, right? That means two left.

Roll 1d20.
>[]Go back to sneaking.
>[]Grab someone and ask where the princess is. Torture if necessary.
>[]RIP AND TEAR. At least until you find someone with wings.
>[]Other.

>>1403894
>[]Go back to sneaking.
Solid snek

>>1403961
You slowly tread through the tower's halls, taking care to avoid open areas.
You eavesdrop on some conversations while you're at it.
"--noise outside? I took a peek, didn't see anything except scorch marks on the--"
"--hate having to walk all the way up. Especially with all that food she orders."
"She just needs someone to fuck her until she's nice and quiet."
Those two chuckle at that statement. You're kind of inclined to agree with them, there wasn't much like a good dicking to solve some angst.
The guards at the stairs aren't moving anytime soon. And you don't have time to wait for a shift change.

Roll 1d20.
>[]Two quick shots with a rifle should do it.
>[]Brawl.
>[]Try walking past them again.
>[]Other.

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>1404093
>>[]Try walking past them again.
Lets try this again.

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>>1404239 (+3500 score for balls)
You stride forward, looking straight at the stairs.
"Hold it."
The guards cross their halberds in front of the door.
"Where are you going?"
You quickly think up an appropriate response.
"...to go give the princess a bitch slap for you guys."
They chuckle and move their weapons out of the way.
"Sure, go ahead."
You hide your relief and step up.
Alright... I'm guessing she's on the top floor.
The staircase ends at a long hall, lined with banners and various shelves of documents. This is probably where they figure out who did what heretical act.
The door slams shut before you get to the end. You turn around, spotting another assassin standing at the entrance. Was he hanging above the doorway or some shit..?
"TA--"
"I KNOW, YOU WANT TO FIGHT ME BECAUSE YOU ALL HAVE ISSUES."
The Knight summons his spear.

Roll 1d20.
>[]Just Gauss him until he's gone. You're getting sick of these guys.
>[]He seems honorable. Might as well give him a fair fight.
>[]Just break the door down and run for it.
>[]Other.

>>1405150
>>[]Just Gauss him until he's gone. You're getting sick of these guys.
Eventually they'll run out, right?

>>1405705
You pull out your Gauss Flayer and aim it at the Knight.
"Hold still."
He blocks the beam with his lance, for a short time. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't enough.
You kick the door down and hose every guard in sight with Gauss energy. Might as well, the whole fortress probably knows you're here.
You fight your way to the top of the tower and bash the final door down with a rifle.
Cammat looks up at you, her mouth stuffed with confections.
"What took you so long?" she asks, annoyance crossing her face.
You can hear footsteps coming up from below.

>[]How much weight can you carry with those wings?
>[]Slap her. BITCH, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND RUN!
>[]Use her as a meat shield. They can't kill her, right?
>[]Other.

>>1405705
Right?...

>>1405979
>>[]How much weight can you carry with those wings?
We shall have sky superiority!

>>1405979
>>1405981
Your post didn't show up till mine did.

>>1405995
You push Cammat away from the wall and fire your bolter at it, tearing a hole open.
"How much weight can you carry?"
"WHAT?"
"Good enough, let's go."
You grab the princess and jump out the hole just as the guards burst into the room. Cammat shrieks and flaps her wings frantically.
With the tower's height, updrafts from the lava, and some help from Alagos, you manage to glide down near Elymil.
You shove Cammat onto her back and climb up yourself.
"GO GO GO!"
The drake takes a circuitous route through the streets, dropping you off at the tavern. You stumble inside and take the princess up to your room.
"What were you thinking!? Jumping out over a pit of magma, holding onto me like some sort of contraption! You're lucky I didn't let you fall--"
You slap her across the face.
"..."
"I just spent weeks on the shitty road leading here, only to die--"
You shake your head.
"ALMOST die trying to get up to you. Then I get you out with no injuries, and all I get is more bitching. Well, if you were so happy in that tower, you can just prance back in there and let your father kill me."
The princess sits silently, staring down at her feet.

>[]...sorry.
>[]Finally, some quiet. Now go to bed.
>[]Tomorrow, I'm sending Elymil to take you back to the Empire. I have some business to finish with these guys.
>[]Other.

>>1406133
We need a better hiding spot, and disguises.
And
>[]...sorry.
Stress.

>>1406201
You sigh and pat her head.
"Sorry. I'm stressed. We'll get some sleep and find a better place to hide tomorrow."
She nods and lies down. You take the floor, it'll help you prepare for the journey back.

...

You break the rusted chain securing the warehouse's doors in place and peek inside.
Abandoned. Good.
You urge Nova, Cammat, and Elymil inside and close the doors before taking a better look.
The warehouse is labeled '12', and looks like it used to store machinery, due to all the stains on the ground.
...or maybe the mob does work here. Whatever, at least it's out of the way.
You hose down a section of the floor with Gauss, waiting until all the droppings and grime disintegrated before setting up.

>[]I'm going to the fortress. There's one assassin left, and I'd have to fight him sometime. If I'm not back in a day, get out of here.
>[]Alright, I've got this map here. We'll circle around this block, then this and this and this and this and then run straight for the gates.
>[]Call the King, see if he can negotiate an extraction.
>[]Other.

>>1406378
>>[]Call the King, see if he can negotiate an extraction.
More like cause a distraction.
So we can escape.

>>1406384
You call him up.
*bleep!*
"Tassoni! Stop dawdling and get my daughter back!"
"Okay. Here."
You angle the screen to face Cammat."
"Cammy!"
"Father!"
...Cammy?
You interrupt the reunion.
"Yeah, I hate to break this up, but we need a way out, so..."
The King growls.
"Unfortunately, I can't do that. We're in a cold war with Cinderfell, sending someone to retrieve you might escalate things to a hot war."
"And kidnapping the princess didn't do that already!?"
"That's technically the Order of Ruin's doing. I doubt the Federation had any part in this."
"...shit. So we're on our own."
"Not quite. You're Alagos's confidant, aren't you? He should be infinitely more helpful than I."
The codec cuts out.

>[]...we're making a break for it.
>[]I'll distract the Pauldrons. You get out.
>[]Okay, I guess I'm going to have to break out the claymores again. We'll hole up in here until someone gets fed up and helps us.
>[]Other.

>>1406545
Lets ask Alagos for a storm, he can release some frustration and we get some cover.
And claymores, never hurts to have some explosives.

>>1406560
You get on your knees and motion for the others to do the same.
"Alagos... please, we really need a storm. A bad one, but preferably mild enough that we can still escape."
...
"What, you want a 'favor'? That's fine, obviously."
A crack of thunder rings out over the city.
«I have enough reason to waste this me-damned place now! Thanks, Krystal.»
You hop up on Nova.
"Cammat, get on the drake lady. We're going to have to run."
You slide the warehouse doors open and urge your wolf into a sprint.
You maneuver past pedestrians clamoring to get inside, and bowl over several guards trying to block your path. A bolt of lightning hits one standing to your side, blinding you. And you're not gonna lie, a little pee came out.
«YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN YOUR FACE! HA! Seriously, though. I need to make it look close, I'll try to keep them a little farther. You better appreciate how hard it is to divert electricity from a target to a shorter target standing right next to it.»
The top part of the gates explodes in a flash of lightning, leaving some rubble and collapsed doors.
Nova leaps off of the makeshift ramp and continues off toward the slightly less volcanic countryside. Elymil and Cammat are right behind you.
"Oh gods oh gods oh gods oh gods..."
You don't slow down until you're well out of ground zero. It's still raining, but you doubt lightning would hit you when there's so many mountains. Nova pants, steam rising off his flanks. You pat his head.
"You did good, buddy."
He woofs in response. You continue onward, albeit at a slower pace.

...

You stop before the gates of Zhaimont. An honor guard stands there, holding their gilded spears aloft. The King himself stands there, anxiously looking for his daughter.
You three look out of place. Muddy, with ragged clothing and a definite sense of weariness about you (everyone smells like rain, though)
Cammat slides off of Elymil's back and rubs forward to embrace her father. You dismount Nova and walk over to him.
"I'm sorry, High King. I shouldn't have failed to protect your daughter."
He looks between you and Cammat.
"It's forgiven."
He extends his hand. You hesitate before reaching out to shake it. His grip is strong.
"Will you be joining us tonight?"

>[]Yeah. I could use some dinner, maybe a uh... bed warmer, too.
>[]I'll just take some supplies and be on my way. I'll be about two months gone by the time I get back to Diluvium, my second in command is going to be livid.
>[]Other.

>>1406724
>[]Yeah. I could use some dinner.
No bed warmer, polite and... well polite anyway.
And then really early in the morning.

>>1406743
The King nods.
"Splendid. Er, perhaps you should take a bath first. You're quite filthy."
You agree wholeheartedly.
A short bath later (turns out the women's bath is communal in the palace... lewd), and you're back in your armor and headed toward the dining hall. It's not exactly polished, but at least it looks better than when you got here.
You push the doors open greeted by applause. It seems saving the princess from an unfriendly nation is impressive or something.
"To the Empire!" someone shouts, raising their glass in the air.
"To the gods." you reply, taking your own and raising it.

...

Why are these stairs so creaky holy shit.
You creep down the grand stairway of Castle Zhaimont. Despite staying as close to the banister as possible, the creaking is still painfully loud.
You make it to the bottom and pick up speed, heading toward the front doors.
"Krystal!"
What is it now...
You turn around. Cammat stands at the top of the stairs, staring disdainfully at you.
"You leave so soon? There are many who would kill for a single night in this palace, you know."
"I kind of did kill for a single night here, you know."

>[]I got shit to do. Things to see. A dragon baby to raise. I'll probably be back.
>[]I'm in need of alcohol.
>[]I can't stand your presence. At all.
>[]Other.

>>1407004
>>[]I got shit to do. Things to see. A dragon baby to raise. I'll probably be back.
Hey, maby you'd like to help me?
No, well I got to go then.
> Give her a Deep sensual kiss, and then leave.

>>1407009
A kiss for what could of been.
Good night stormy.

>>1407133
My phone was being a little bitch last night and wouldn't work, I'll have my post done soon.

File: IMG_1381.png (212 KB, 512x512)

212 KB PNG

>>1407009
You walk up and put your hands on Cammat's shoulders.
"Look, I have a dragon child of my own to take care of, believe it or not. Not to mention Imperator and Duchess duties, and someone who probably really misses me by now. Compared to that, a few more days trying not to insult nobility seems less important."
You put your hand on the back of her head.
"Now that I think about it, doesn't the knight usually get a kiss?"
You lean forward and press your lips against hers. Hell, you even slip her some tongue before stepping back and wiping your lips off.
"I... K-Krystal, what--"
"For what could've been, if your dad wasn't one of the most powerful creatures on the planet."
You turn Cammat around and slap her on the ass.
"Gah!"
"Now go get some breakfast."
You chuckle to yourself as you retrieve Nova from his kennel.

...

Faervel relaxes visibly when she hears you've gotten back.
"Krystal, I'm glad you've gotten back alright. I wouldn't want to keep this job for the rest of my life."
You nod.
"Yeah, it's easier if you don't have morals. You did a good job. Excuse me for a second, I need to go say hi to Tsuyoi."
"Of course."
You walk up to your quarters and quietly push the door open.
Tsuyoi stands with her back to you, humming aimless lay and cradling Kasai.
"I'm home!" you announce, throwing your arms around her.
"O-oh!"
She turns around in surprise and smiles.
"Kasai, look. Krystal's home!"
The child stares up at you and gurgles in acknowledgement before going back to chewing on his tail.
"I got you something!" Tsuyoi exclaims, handing you a ring.
"Since you got me one, I went down to the harbor and got one for you."
"Thanks, it looks great."
You slide it onto your finger. Your gauntlets shouldn't be a problem for this...

>[]I need a bath... want to join me?
>[]You hungry? Let's get some food.
>[]I should go see if there's anything that needs done.
>[]Other.

>>1408112
>>[]You hungry? Let's get some food.
Food.

>>1408163
"I got kinda worried about my supplies on the way back. It's about time for lunch, want some food?"
"Sure. Faervel had a dumbwaiter installed while you were gone."
That's awfully nice of her.
"Guuugkl."
"You're hungry, too? Alright, give me a minute..."
Tsuyoi sits down on the couch and holds Kasai up to her breast. You ring the bell and wait for your food to come up.
"So... what do you do in here all day? It seems like it'd get lonely."
"Oh, I take care of Kasai, make sure nothing burns down or gets dirty. Sometimes Faervel asks me for my opinion on issues. I just said what I thought you would, but a little more polite. There's plenty of work around here if I get bored."
Well, she did well. If there was a fire here, she did a great job covering it up.
The dumbwaiter door opens. You reach in and grab the hot tray of food, placing it quickly on the table.
"Looks like soup today."
You dip some of the provided bread in the bowl and take a bite, slurping up a stray bit of melted cheese.
Tsuyoi takes her bowl and follows suit. Kasai reaches up and touches the side, cooing.

>[]Tell her about your adventure.
>[]I need to make a carriage or something, so you can come to Zhaimont with me. There's dragons there, too.
>[]Other.

>>1408968
>>[]Tell her about your adventure.
Regale her with our heroic tails, of action and strife.
Then, invite her on a most glamorous and interesting Trip.

>>1408992
You take another bit of bread and start your tale.
A tale of assassins waiting in the forest. A bitter battle in court with a greedy aristocrat. The bitchy princess (minus lewd tendencies), your agreement to accompany her, the kidnapping, meeting Elymil, and your harrowing escape from the jaws of Fire.
Tsuyoi always clutches Kasai tighter when you mention a dangerous situation.
"Where's Elymil now?"
"She took a post in the Royal Guard. Said she'd like to stay in the city for a while... we can go meet her on my next trip."
Tsuyoi smiles.
"I'd like that. She sounds nice."

>[]You want to join me for a bath?
>[]Well, I should go downstairs. Imperator's work is never done.
>[]Other.

>>1409184
>>[]You want to join me for a bath?
Just relaxing together, unless we're not.

>>1409194 (I'll roll to see if you're horny... well, shit)
"Tsuyoi, want a bath?"
She smiles.
"Of course. Give me a second."
She goes into Kasai's room, presumably to put him down. You toss your clothes aside and slip into the water, wincing slightly as the water laps over half-healed wounds.
Tsuyoi comes in. You gesture for her to sit in front of you. She leans back, and you wrap your arms around her.
You think back to before this happened. If you hadn't taken that wrong turn, you wouldn't have stumbled on the creepy cult. Then there were the demons and Alagos and Sasha and the whole business here...
"I'm so lucky."
You grab Tsuyoi's shoulders and turn her around, burying your face in her chest.
"So am I." she replies, rubbing the back of your head. You start sucking on her nipples.
"Kasai's had these to himself for a while, hasn't he?"
Tsuyoi squirms and squeezes you tighter. You swallow her milk and lick your lips.
"It's good. Lie down on the ledge, please."

...

You kiss Tsuyoi passionately.
"I really needed that. Thanks."
"I could tell. You were smirking all through lunch."
She gets off of you.
"I'll go see if Kasai's asleep. Maybe we can continue this in bed..."
She giggles and walks out. You take a few more minutes to relax and limber up.
...
She's taking a while...

>[]Shit. Armor, sword, peek through the door.
>[]Who could get up here without you knowing? Just get dressed and offer to help calm the kid down.
>[]Walk in buck naked. Everything okay?
>[]Other.

>>1409298
>>[]Walk in buck naked. Everything okay?
Bravado.
Act like nothing can hurt you, and people might believe it.

File: IMG_1319.jpg (103 KB, 734x1089)

103 KB JPG

>>1409303
You get up and dry yourself off before walking over and pushing the door open.
"Tsuyoi? Everything okay?"
"Krystal! Help!"
"I should've known this would happen..."
The assassin stands with his arm around Tsuyoi's throat, and appears visibly flustered when you walk in.
"Uh, I have your beloved wife, Tassoni! No fleeing this time!"
"Just tell me how the fuck you got in."
"Target lock teleport. I just cast the spell on you and waited. You really should scan yourself for spells more."

>[]It's fine, Tsuyoi, they're like an infestation. Okay, where should we fight?
>[]If you do ANYTHING to her, your Order will burn.
>[]Look, can you come back in like a week? I just got here, I still need to get all the beauracratic shit done, pay the bills...
>[]Other.

>>1409354
Let her go, and we can fight
but
>[]If you do ANYTHING to her, your Order will burn.

>>1409360
Look at how many of yall went up against me, and then look at how many remain.
Do you really want to fight when there are other things we can do?
Sway invitingly at the new assassin.

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>1409366
Then when he nears, engulf him in slime.

>>1409360
"If you let her go, I'll fight you. But, well... if you don't you might as well kill yourself. If you don't, I'd do it for you, then spend the rest of my life stamping out your Order."
The Brawler seems a little surprised at your threat.
"Like, seriously. How many people did you send to kill me, again? Only two of them lived, and that's because I was feeling nice."
You cross your arms, then relax.
"Or... we don't really HAVE to fight, do we?"
You walk forward, making sure to sway your hips more than usual.
"Strong man like you. Assassination probably isn't much of a turn on for most girls, is it? Fortunately, I'm... different."
The Brawler steps back, dragging Tsuyoi with him.
"Stay away. My comrades might've died, but I know all about your slime trick."
You wipe the seductive look off your face.
"Well, that's just too bad. I was going to give you a nice comfortable death there. Now we'll have to to it the painful way."

...

You stand on top of the Seawall, sword point at your feet. Your cape billows in the wind.
"With this, the Red Angels' mission will be carried out." the Brawler taunts, holding up his fists.
"Even if you kill me, your Order will still burn." you retort, rolling your shoulders.

Roooooooll 1d20!

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>1409425
Rolling the slippery dice.

>>1409434
You charge forward and deflect the Brawler's first punch off your shield, using your momentum to stab him in the bicep. He backs up and swings at your face. You dodge and kick him in the chest before smashing your sword on his helmet.
"Ugh..."
He swings again, and doesn't even come CLOSE to hitting you.
You take the opportunity to push him over.
"I thought you're supposed to be the best one." you comment, dragging him to the battlements.
"Just you wait... you bitch." he coughs.
You lay his head down on a small stone lip and curbstomp him.
"Stay the fuck away from me." you growl at the sky.
The body spontaneously combusts, disintegrating and releasing dark energies which coalesce a short distance away.
"WHAT DID I JUST SAAAAAAAY!"
The energy takes the form of a woman in darkened armor. A ragged cape billows behind her as she opens her helmet.
"YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!"
"Yes. I am the manifestation of your superego!"
"HOW'D HE FIND ENOUGH TO FILL A SUIT OF ARMOR!?"
"It's all metaphysical. You disgust me, Krystal. Constant profanity, sex, murder, theft, alcohol. What would your mother think? What would your past self think? Whoring yourself out to any mildly attractive individual who comes your way."

>[]Better than being a pretentious bitch.
>[]Yeah, I'm killing you. (D20)
>[]Other.

>>1409532
>>[]Other.
Want to get the other out here too?
Lets have a family reunion of sorts.
The Ego, Superego, and Id, all out here to get EVERYTHING out in the open, huh?
How would THAT BE!!!

File: IMG_1335.jpg (37 KB, 450x635)

37 KB JPG

>>1409549
"Hey Crystal, get up here!"
Your twin appears on the wall in a flash of light.
"What is it now?"
"She's even worse! At least YOU have some standards for who you have sex with!"
"Crystal, this is our superego."
"She's hot."
"Why are you wearing those gaudy rags? Aren't you ashamed of yourself?"
"Nah, I'd walk around naked if these didn't enhance my magic."
"Disgusting! Do the lustful stares of men not make you ill?"
"No, it turns me on. Come on, let's get that armor off--"
"YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING!"
The Superego swipes at the Id, tearing through the skin between her cleavage. It closes up, and the ID's eyes flash.
"You've fucked up now."
"Ha! I see the two of you are unfit to lead this Order. You'll be purged!"
You and the Superego both lunge at each other. Same time, same actions, same wound.
"AAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
You and the Superego stumble away from each other, clutching at your left eyes.
"You BITCH!"
"How DARE you!?"
"Krystal, I've got your back on this one!"

Roll 1d20.