Alagos stared blankly at you.
"...is that what I am to you, Krystal? An achievement? Why can't you just love me for who I am?"
"I don't love *you*, just your dick. And the fact that you'll give me free combat training, room, and board for having sex with you every once in a while."
Alagos smiles at you.
"Don't be so tsundere. We both know you're gonna miss me."
He stands up and grabs a handful of cookies.
"Well, I'm off. Someone's trying to strike me down with some ghetto ritual, I'm gonna go smite them."
He walks away, leaving you alone with an empty plate and a (still) sore butt.

>[]Muscle soothing spell. This is interfering with your concentration.
>[]Back to Sasha's boobs. Maybe she'll let you grope them.
>[]You smuggled modern technology here in the form of a PS5. Set it up, get some ice cream from the magic food device, and be a lazy bitch for the rest of the day.
>[]Other.

>>1126079
>[X]Muscle soothing spell. This is interfering with your concentration.

>>1126079
>>[]Back to Sasha's boobs. Maybe she'll let you grope them.

Mmm. Sasha's probably kind of lonely... but first things first. You've been beaten and taken it up the butt, and it's starting to really hurt now.
You enter the library and take a look at the spellbook on healing magic.
Lots of stuff on accelerating cell repair, numbing pain, toughening up various areas... yeah, this should work.

Roll 1d100 to soothe your aches and pains.

Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>1126263

>>1126280
...yeah, you should've paid more attention in biology.
The whole process of healing was so much more different than creating lasers and light. The latter arranges photons into a specific shape, the former is like trying to send 40,000 messages at once.
Whatever. There's probably some kind of magic cream you could use, anyway. Or you could just make Sasha your healslut. Speaking of which...
Sasha presses your face into her chest again and starts whispering to you.
"It's okay. Not everyone can do everything on the first try. What matters is that you did your best."
Her tail brushes your hair out of your face.

>[]Grab her butt.
>[]Give her a kiss. With a lot of tongue.
>[]Take your shirt off, Sasha. It'll be warmer...
>[]No sex. Only happiness. Do nothing.
>[]Other.

>>1126344
>Take your shirt off, Sasha. It'll be warmer...

>>1127206
"Oh? Okay."
Sasha slides her shirt off. It gets caught on one of her horns for a moment.
"Krystal? You're... drooling."
Wha--? Oh. You are.
Sasha lies down and you rest your head on her breasts. After a while, her breathing becomes more even and her tail stops moving. She's fallen asleep.

What do you do now?

>>1127279
Prob should let her rest. Try practicing some healing magic again.

>>1127739
You pat Sasha on the head and leave the bedroom. You've been bolstered by the power of cuddling and motorboating, this healing stuff isn't gonna beat you.
You sit down and put your phone to the side, starting up the Doom soundtrack.

Roll 1d100 for healing!

For this paragraph only, you are Alagos. You've been avoiding that one maid all day, you don't care what Krystal said, she still gives you the creeps. Anyway.
You take a stroll past the library...
Krystal was sitting at one of the tables, furiously poring over a spellbook to the tune of some heavy metal.
"AM I PRINCESSY ENOUGH FOR YOU NOW, STEPDADDY?????? REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
...
Yeah, that's enough for today. You should really go find that narcotics god and ask if he's got anything for you.

Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>1127867
Rolling for narcotics

>>1127878
You place your hands together and finally get the healing spell to cooperate.
The aching in your muscles subsides, and you lean back in your chair. Much better, but you're a little hungrier now. Might as well grab a bite...

"Here." the narcotics god Cullas (who looks like fantasy Snoop Dogg) poured some red-gold powder into Alagos's hand.
"Somma that blueberry, raspberry, that schticky, icky icky icky."
"What is this?"
"Cullas. Red-gold leaf ground up into powder, what I'm named for. Just pop it in yo mouth, bro."
Alagos allowed to powder to dissolve under his tongue.
Everything's normal...
Oh.
Oooooh.
"̪̯̬͚H̜͙̦̖̝i̫̺͕̦͎t̼̯s̠̖̜̞͓ ͍̠̠̟̥h͙̗̼̪̜͔͉a̺͖͕͉̗͕ͅr͍̱͚̻̟̭͓d͍͙̞̘̤̝,̯̬̬ ̞͔͉͇̼̞d̼oe̯̻̗̟̮̬s͔͎͓͇̺̺n̫͇'͉͈̳ṭ ͕͇̝̖i̻̖̼t͙?̥͔"͇̞̝̰̰̭̞
Yeah, it does...
The sky undulates beneath the god's feet. Brass bubbles fly away in all directions. The fabric of reality collapses and twists and reforms itself, perfectly as it was and yet completely different...
The trip ends after a few minutes. No side effects can be felt.
"Tight thing 'bout bein a deity. Can't get addicted. Can't get much of a high, either..."

(Back to Krystal)
Man, chocolate's the best. Anyway. What will you do now?

>>1128197
Uhh if its late go to bed I suppose. If not, then get shit ready to travel to that planet and spread the good word.

>>1128340
You're not really tired, so you go off to prepare for your journey. You only need enough training to survive, so you'll probably be leaving soon.
You're well acquainted with your armor and melee weapons, they won't need any packing. You can get food and other supplies easily enough...
Oh yeah, guns.
You take a look around the armory. Alagos had stored his arsenal here, plus some stuff he took from the demon hordes.

>Pick two guns (or one big gun) to take with you.

>>1128441
Rocket launcher

>>1130498
You're not a pussy, the only time you're using modern weapons is when nothing else will work. You take an rpg-32 and three rockets (that's all you can carry). Hopefully, you'll know in advance if you have to use it. Carrying this thing in combat would be very problematic.
Well, everything's in order. You can't really think of much else to take with you.

>[]Let's go now!
>[]One more day of training. Let Alagos have a chance to redeem himself.
>[]Still need to have one-on-one sex with Sasha.
>[]We need a goodbye foursome.
>[]Other.

>>1130825
>One more day of training. Let Alagos have a chance to redeem himself.
See if we can learn pocket dimensions. Also do the last two prompts for funsies.

>>1132688
It's probably late afternoon... you've got time for training. You find Alagos just returning home.
"Hey, training. It's your chance to beat me. I'll be going tomorrow."
"Oh, really? That's cool. Want some Cullas?"
He holds out a pouch of reddish-gold powder.
"Uh... no."
"Suit yourself. Let me know when you're ready."
You strap on your armor and shield, rolling your shoulders as you walk into the arena.
"I can use magic attacks now. Better watch out."
"I'm the physical manifestation of storms, start worrying about yourself."

Roll 1d100 to fight!

Rolled 88 (1d100)

>>1132720

File: IMG_0923.png (884 KB, 1280x720)

884 KB PNG

>>1132882
Alagos fights harder, but you manage to keep him at a distance with your sword's magic attacks. You knock his legs out from under him and follow up with a knee to the face.
Gray blood trickled out of Alagos's nose.
"Ack! Why do dey always go for by dose..."
The god wiped the blood off his face. You discreetly cast your healing spell while gritting your teeth. You think you fractured your kneecap doing that...
"So what now? You gonna use me to satisfy yourself again?"
Now is not the time for sex. That comes later. You need some help with pocket dimension stuff.
"Sure thing. Wouldn't want you to come back every five days to grab a new gun."
You sit down and start looking over the appropriate book.
"I think the spell's kind of hard-coded into my DNA, but from my understanding..."

Roll 1d100 to learn how to tesseract!

Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>1132944
Lets do this

>>1133020
You take a quarter out of your pocket and focus on it. It disappears.
"Great! Now bring it back."
Uhh...
You try to bring it back. It doesn't work. You try again. A crumpled metal pebble appears in your hand, stained with blood.
...
"That's new." Alagos mused. "I think I'll go now."
He leaves. You remember your earlier agenda and walk over to the bedroom.
Sasha sits up, yawns, and blinks at you.
"Oh. Hi, Krystal."

How do you initiate sex?

>>1133092
Put on:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6QZn9xiuOE

Let Marvin work the magic

File: Spoiler Image (391 KB, 1063x1063)

391 KB JPG

>>1133136
You close the door, place your phone on the nightstand, and put on some music before approaching Sasha and taking off your shirt.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh--"
You cut her off by kissing her and unhooking her bra.
"Shh. This is thanks for your encouragement."
You tease her nipples before removing her pants. Sasha twitches a little and starts helping you undress as well.
You slip your hand inside her panties and finger her. Sasha moans and kisses you as you do so. You start licking your fingers clean.
"So wet... what the--"
Your hand instinctively goes to your crotch, and comes away soaked. Your body feels feverish, and you feel like you're having a mini orgasm every time you look at Sasha.
"I forgot to tell you, succubus... juices work as an aphrodisiac."
"T-that makes seeense." you moan.
"G-gotta..."
You push Sasha over and start sixty-nining her.
"Tastes so good..." you mutter.
For thirty minutes, it's orgasm after orgasm for you and Sasha. You end it with a long kiss, sharing your cum.
Sasha strokes your hair, panting slightly.
"I should've told you about that earlier..."
"It's fine. Enhanced the experience. I should've collected all the rest and sold it..."
You sigh and press closer to Sasha, squeezing your breasts together.

What now?

(Guess I should add some prompts)
>[]Get everyone else in here. You're still raring to go.
>[]Sleep.
>[]Retry the pocket dimension spell while you're resting (roll 1d100)
>[]Other.

Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>1136583
>Retry the pocket dimension spell while you're resting (roll 1d100)

>>1137343
(Oh, no)
You sit at the desk and concentrate, opening a rift in space and willing your sword through...
A transparent green blob wobbles out of the rift and smacks right into you. The first thing you notice is a small, dark orb floating around in the slime. The second thing you notice is it's patched onto you and started to creep up your body.

>[]Extricate the orb. It's probably a nucleus or brain.
>[]Let it crawl up you. It's first contact, common courtesy states that you should let the alien examine you.
>[]SASHA SASHA THERE'S GOO ON ME HELP GET FIRE GET A HOSE GET A SWORD.
>[]Other.

>>1137696
>Extricate the orb. It's probably a nucleus or brain.

>>1137978
"Krystalwhatarewegoingtodoitsgoingtoeateverypne--" Sasha panics in the corner while you calmly reach a hand inside the goo and pluck out the orb.
The goo becomes limp, and you examine what you've taken.
It looks like a black pearl etched with gold designs. Must be some kind of magical thing. Years of being in a slime have corroded it (despite the fact that the slime doesn't seem acidic. Maybe it's just entropy?).
The slime twitches and crawls up your body at a faster rate.
Easily taken care of. You place the orb on the desk and smash it with your fist. It was pretty brittle.
The slime should stop anytime now...
Like right now would be good...
Ooooh no.
You stand up and start pushing the slime away. It doesn't work, the thing just grabs your hands.
You give Sasha a blank, sad look.
"I-I'll get Alagos!"
The succubus rushes out of the room. You start to lose your composure as the slime works it's way up to your head.
"Seriously, what the FUUUU--"
The slime closes over you. A tendril forces its way into your mouth and starts working its way down your throat.
Guess this is the end. Getting deepthroated and killed before you even went on your adventure. You sigh.
Wait, what.
Oh. You can breathe.
The slime constricts, conforming to your body. You can feel tendrils start to worm their way into your privates.
Ah. So it's that kind of slime.
Five minutes later, you lie panting on the floor, staring up at Alagos, Pris and Sasha. They've been standing there a while now. The slime's gone... somewhere.

>[]You gotta try this...
>[]Where'd it go? I'd rather not get surprise raped in the middle of the night.
>[]WHY DID YOU JUST STAND THERE YOU IDIOTS I WAS LITERALLY GETTING TENTACLE RAPED.
>[]Other.

>>1138248
>WHY DID YOU JUST STAND THERE YOU IDIOTS I WAS LITERALLY GETTING TENTACLE RAPED.

File: IMG_0957.jpg (45 KB, 500x333)

45 KB JPG

>>1138368
"I, uh... well, I had no idea what it was! Or how to get it off, or if it would kill you, and you kinda looked like you were having fun."
Useless god. What about the other two?
Sasha and Pris look at each other.
"We were waiting for Alagos to do something."
"Godsdammit."
You smack your fist against the floor and silently scream.
"What happened to it?"
"It sort of... sunk into your skin. There's some sort of subdermal layer now, looks like some kind of bio-material. You're lucky your body isn't rejecting it." Pris said, scanning you with her weird eyes.
"It seems the water was shed upon entering your body, thus the slimy layer on your skin. The rest of the material is dormant inside you... there's no way to tell whether or not it'll do anything in the future."
Great. This'd better not be making xenomorphs inside you.
Alagos cleared his throat.
"I can detect it, sort of. It's attached to your nerves. If that helps..."

>[]That thing just made me horny again. I was planning on a foursome anyway, get over here.
>[]It doesn't help, Alagos. I feel violated. I need a shock blanket.
>[]Wait, do I have under-skin chain mail now?
>[]Other.

>>1138707
>Wait, do I have under-skin chain mail now?

>>1138767
"Hmm. Maybe."
Pris looks closer.
"It has a sort of hexagonal mesh design. Theoretically, it will stop things from getting through, but we can't really be sure without testing it."
Cool. If only you could see it up close...
Everyone backs away from you suddenly.
"What?"
You look down at yourself. Your body's been encased with a shiny gray suit from the neck down.
Alagos's eye twitches.
"It, uh... your nerves fired and caused it to move up, I think?"
He snaps his fingers and grins.
"I figured it out. It's a symbiotic thing. It latches onto organisms and gives them this armor thing in return for... sustenance, I guess."
Even more cool. As long as this thing doesn't turn you into Venom.

>[]Going-away sex.
>[]Someone hit me with something sharp. Just enough for a small cut if it gets through.
>[]Other.

>>1139462
>Someone hit me with something sharp. Just enough for a small cut if it gets through.

>>1140073
Alagos takes a knife out of his pocket and casually smacks your arm with the blade. You feel it press against you, but no sharp edge.
"Just like chain mail. Good for slashes, not so good for stabs. Guess you can ditch that part of your armor."
He puts his knife away and sits down on the bed, avoiding the wet spot you and Sasha made.
"I didn't tell you two, did I? Krystal's leaving tomorrow."
"What!?"
Sasha and Pris give you a two-way hug.
"Why didn't you tell us?"
"We'll miss you!"
Alagos stands up and gives you a hug, too. Now you're being crushed by three people.

>[]Transition to sex (this'll segue to you going to the mortal plane)
>[]Still need to do something! (What is it?)

>>1140100
>Transition to sex (this'll segue to you going to the mortal plane)

>>1140258
Your mail sinks back under your skin. Alagos picks you up and presses you facefirst against the wall.
"This is for beating me. Twice."
...
You somehow manage to cast your soothing spell, feeling the pain ease out of your insides. Everyone's finally calmed down.
Sasha's busy licking cum off your body, and Pris is lying on top of Alagos. You drift off to sleep.
...
You wake up. Alagos is clutching you to his chest, and gives you a kiss as soon as you wake up.
"Morning."
You take a quick bath (the smell of sex would do little to impress) and get changed into your armor. Alagos meets you in front of the door to the mortal plane.
"I guess it's time."
He shifts his feet and pauses before opening the door.
"Krystal. Before you leave, I have to ask you..."
He faces you and places his hands on your shoulders.
"I joked about it earlier, but I need to know. What *is* your opinion of me?"
You ponder on this for a while, before answering.
"I really have to spell it out for you, huh? Obviously, you're my--"

>[]Friend.
>[]Mentor.
>[]God.
>[]Love.
>[]First time.

>God/love?

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>>1141212
"You're my god. The deity whose cause I'm championing and all."
Alagos nods. "I see."
"But I love you, too. Despite your stupidity, and going around with other women all the time."
Alagos pulled you into a hug.
"I'm flattered. Just get out there, already."
He opens the door, clearing his throat before you've gone through.
"I forgot. Catch."
He tosses you some kind of charm. It's a shimmering quartz lightning bolt on an iron chain.
"Proof of your devotion. Don't let anyone steal that."
You won't.
You step through the door, maybe sort of seriously thinking about shedding a little tear.
Space warps, and you find yourself standing in some sort of shrine.
https://soundcloud.com/damjan-mravunac/21-virgo-serena
It's empty and cold, but clean. The braziers hanging from the ceiling are lit with unending fires, and a maiden in a threadbare robe is praying at an altar.

>[]Talk to the maiden.
>[]We don't need to speak to her. She's already part of the covenant or whatever, let's find some people to join her.
>[]Other.

>talk to her

>>1141398
>Talk to the maiden.
Yo I'm the Moses of storm gods, jus' so you know whats up

The maiden turns her head slightly at your approach.
"You must be the new champion." she says. Her voice sounds somewhat weak, like she isn't used to talking.
"I am the caretaker of this shrine. What is thy name?"
"Uh... Krystal."
The maiden turns her head back to the center of the altar.
"A strange name. Please, before you ask anything of me, I must beseech thee... the previous champion, of the now-dead god. He has been driven mad, and my soul despairs to think of what has become of him... if you should encounter him, please be merciful. He does not deserve to suffer so."

What do you say?

>>1141628
What caused him to go mad?

>>1141677
"The death of the previous god. While the followers moved on to other gods... the champion's... Naer's life was dashed to pieces in an instant, and he couldn't stand it. So he left, to continue his ultimately useless duties."
Going insane... you certainly hope that never happens to you.
"Nobody does."
Well... farewell. Not much else to talk about.
"May the winds be at your back."
You look out the door of the shrine. It's situated on top of a mountain, you can see a path leading down into the forest. There's nothing around for a long while.
You check your supplies.
>Week's rations
>Bag of coins
>Armor, sword, RPG-32
You doubt the forest goes for a week in any direction.

>[]Let's be off. Time stops for no woman.
>[]Think to yourself that coming to this place was a really bad idea.
>[]Flirt with the maiden. (Who is most likely straight and waiting for marriage)
>[]Other.

>>1141881
>Flirt with the maiden. (Who is most likely straight and waiting for marriage)
I like to think Krystal has a nun fetish

>>1141921
(My philosophy is that it'd be quicker to list the fetishes she *doesn't* have. Anyway)
"So... you free tonight?"
"No."
"...praying, right?"
"Yes."
"Dammit, you're no fun."
"I tend the shrine. If you desire carnal pleasure, I'm sure there's someone willing to oblige you."
"Who says I was after sex?"
"Naer tried almost the exact same method."
Ah. That'd do it.
You sigh and begin your journey down the mountain. Maybe the next one will give in to your excess testosterone.

(If you've ever gone hiking innawoods, just imagine that but for like three hours in heavy armor with no trails)

Ehhhehehhehehehhhhhhhhh.
You stop to catch your breath next to a river. Seems clean, would work fine for drinking. It flows off to the right down a waterfall--hey, a person!
A bald man in ragged leather armor stood near the waterfall. A spear and greatshield leaned against a nearby tree.
You go to speak to him. He turns around and smiles.
"Oh, 'ello! Don't get too many visitors 'round these parts, save pilgrims goin' to the storm shrine... you some kind of paladin?" he asks, eyeing your obvious holy symbol.

>[]Yes! Would you like to hear about Alagos, the magnificent and *sexy~* god of storms? (This script is terrible...)
>[]No. I just happened to pick up two holy artifacts belonging to the same god. It's part of my aesthetic.
>[]HEY I KNOW WHO YOU ARE
>[]Other.

>>1142227
>Yes! Would you like to hear about Alagos, the magnificent and *sexy~* god of storms? (This script is terrible...)
Make sure to roll your eyes a lot

>>1142279
"Yes. Yes I am. I'm on a mission to spread the word of--"
You dig the script out of your pocket and sigh heavily.
"Alagos, the super sexy genderfluid demon-slaying harem master and god of storms. Lover of a succubus, a robot chick, and the bitch reading this right--"
You ball the paper up and hurl it off the cliff.
"Ha-ha. Anyway, I'm spreading his word and all that. Interested?"
Baldy shrugs. "Was never really interested in religion an' all that, but this fellow sounds alright."
He peers over the edge of the cliff.
"Cor, would you look at tha'..?"

>[]What is it?
>[]I'd rather not.
>[]What did you say your name was again?
>[]Other.

>>1142337
>What did you say your name was again?
You gotta be polite. And then:
>What is it?

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74 KB JPG

>>1142388
"Oh. Completely slipped my mind."
Baldy bows.
"I'm Patches. Honest Patches, the one and only! Your name?"
"Krystal."
"Well, it's good meetin' you."
"Good to meet you, too. Now, what was that thing you were pointing at..?"
You look over the side of the waterfall. Can't really see anything special.
"You gotta look at it juuust right--INTO THE DRINK, YOU INSATIABLE WENCH! AAAHAHAHA!"
Patches plants his foot right between your shoulder blades and pushes you off the cliff.
"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?"
The wind rushes past you as you fall. The impact on the water knocks the breath out of you, but little else. You somehow manage to crawl up onto shore and cough up the water you swallowed.
You flip Patches the bird and start taking your clothes off behind a tree. You are NOT getting pneumonia. Your organic mail surfaces onto your skin, and you start hanging your clothes on sunlit branches.
The waterfall is pretty high, and the cliff goes on for some time. It's unlikely that bald bastard would make his way down here.
"WHAT IN THE 'ELL?!"
Speak of the devil.
"Damn! Damn damn damn!" he shouts from his cliff.

What do you do now?

>negro
Captcha, this isn't a political quest

>>1142465
kick em in the balls

>>1142553
You're pissed now.
You strap on your sword belt and gauntlets and start climbing up the rocks.
"GAAAHUWAAAAAAA"
Patches makes panicked sounds and drops rocks down the cliff. They fall straight past you.
It wasn't that big of a cliff, it seems this guy was counting more on you getting crushed by the rocks at the bottom.
You hoist yourself up to the ledge and crack your knuckles.
"I didn't mean to do it, I swear! It's just that I get these... urges. I hate myself for it, I really do... no harm done?"
Patches looks like he's regretting his decision right now.

>[]Kill him.
>[]Use your gauntlets. He needs to suffer.
>[]Kick him off the cliff.
>[]I'll forgive you... this time. Now sell me some cool stuff.
>[]Other.

Patches always was a big cuck in dark souls but man he looked stupid in the catrina armor also

> i'll forgive you this time. Now sell me some cool stuff.
Then
>kill him

>>1142760
"Fine. Just this once."
Patches wipes sweat off his forehead.
"I knew you were a decent sort. Now, let's take a look at what I 'ave here..."
>Various rings (health regeneration, equipment load, ring of fog)
>A book about the sexual fetishes of all the various races ("It's always a seller!")
>A pair of gauntlets made of a whitish metal (Patches doesn't even know where he got them)

You look over the wares and wonder what you should buy...
Screw that, you were gonna kill him anyway.

Roll 1d100! It's your first kill, so be prepared for trauma.

Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>1142898
time for die

Rolled 41 (1d100)

>>1142898
Take all the loot after we have killed him

>>1142934
>>1143085
(Guess 41's the number of the day)
You flick your sword out of its scabbard and bring it down toward Patches. He dodges it and hurriedly picks up his arms.
"Maybe I *will* buy some of your stuff, and then go pick flowers and take a lovely scented bath to clean out my MASSIVE VAGINA!"
Patches advances forward, poking at you with his spear.
"Er, I think that kind of loses its impact when you actually *have* a--"
"SHUT UP YOU'RE RUINING IT!"
This guy's easy. He's using a specific moveset like he's in a video game, for heaven's sake. You ready your sword for the next opening...
And get kicked right off the cliff again. You climb back onto the riverbank, a considerably easier task this time.
"Twice, now! This waterfall's a damned nuisance!"
Patches kicks at some rocks.
"I don't even want your trinkets anymore. It's too much trouble!"

>[]I'LL KEEP COMING UP THERE UNTIL YOU'RE DEAD!
>[]Can we trade? For real?
>[]LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO THIS ROCKET LAUNCHER!
>[]Okay... I'll go...
>[]Other.

>>1143694
>I'LL KEEP COMING UP THERE UNTIL YOU'RE DEAD!

>>1143790
"Diligent lass, I'll give you that!"
You begin climbing the cliff again, ignoring the feeling that Alagos was losing it somewhere.
More rocks fall past you.
"Learn to aim, jackass!"
You've made it up once again, hoisting yourself up and exclaiming "Heeeeeere's Krystal!"

Roll 1d100 to retry!

Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>1144430

Rolled 12 (1d100)

>>1144430

File: IMG_0961.jpg (73 KB, 1242x418)

73 KB JPG

(Guess I'll add the two... I'll come up with some actual rules for the rolling later, I've just been fudging it so far)
Patches grabs his things and takes off into the woods. You follow him, furiously reciting the navy seal copypasta (not an uncommon occurrence for you).
Patches eventually tires out and turns to face you.
"You impossible little wench! I've had enough of you!"
You can't get in close. His shield keeps you away. You keep dodging and partying his spear.
He gets a good hit in, knocking the wind out of you and throwing you to the ground. Your sword clatters off to the side.
"Take your higher cause and stuff it!"
You roll out of the way before his spear impales your head, pulling yourself up by Patches' shield, drawing your knife, and stabbing him in between the ribs. Repeatedly.
"Curses... what did I ever..."
The bastard collapses in a pool of his own blood. You back away, shakily looking at your blood-soaked hands.
"I-it's fine, I didn't know him, I hated him, it's not a bad thing that he's--"
You lean against a tree and try to calm your breathing. It doesn't work. You vomit onto the forest floor, continuing to dry heave even after everything's gone.
You close your eyes and sit at the tree's base, clutching your holy symbol like your life depends on it.
"How can anyone stand this..." you mutter through your sore throat.
You open your eyes and retrieve your sword.
Okay. Order of business...

>[]Be brave, Krystal. Get his stuff.
>[]He was a bastard, but you're still a paladin. He needs a funeral.
>[]Water... you need some water.

>>1144904
>Be brave, Krystal. Get his stuff.

>>1144943
You take a deep breath and grab your sword.
Flies have started to swarm the body already.
"Gods, the smell..."
You grab Patches' bundle of equipment and run for the edge of the woods.
"It's fine, he's dead..."
You replace your gauntlets with the new ones. They're certainly lighter, and feel more like carbon fiber than metal. Over the gauntlets go the rings, you take the other shield, and finally grab the fetish book. (Fetish entries will be read when you encounter the related race)
Ah... back down the cliff.
You take a quick drink of water to get rid of the taste of vomit, as well as wash off the blood. Then you carefully climb back down the cliff and put your clothes and armor back on now that they're dry.
Guess you'll follow the river. Nothing much else to do.

...

You kick out the still-smoldering fire from your camp. No shelter, but it hadn't rained. Time to move on.
You barely hold back a scream of joy as you see a town in the distance. You've calmed down significantly when you reach the place, though.

What do you do?
>[]Take a walk around town. Might as well get to know the place.
>[]Look for a storm shrine.
>[]Get on a soapbox and start preachin'!
>[]Whorehouse, because *that's* the kind of impression a paladin should make.
>[]Ask around about that one champion guy you're supposed to kill.
>[]Other.

>>1145097
>Take a walk around town. Might as well get to know the place.

>>1145758
It's pretty interesting. Some floating stones transfer electricity like tesla coils, a rider on a giant hawk passes by, the inn rates seem... cheap? You don't know the exact value of the currency around here.
You feel something bump into you, and look down. Whoever this is, he only comes up to your shoulder. A kid..?
He looks up at you in brief fright, clutching his shoulder. Gray skin, red eyes, and fangs. Must be an Imp.
"'Scuse me." the Imp mutters, turning into an alleyway. Blood seeps through his fingers.

>[]Follow him.
>[]Wait, I need to tell you about our atmospheric overlord!
>[]Leave him alone. He's not suspicious at all.
>[]Other.

>>1145777
>Wait, I need to tell you about our atmospheric overlord!

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>>1145788
"Wait, I didn't tell you about my mission!"
"I've already found a god." the Imp grumbles.
You follow him.
"Ah, but not one as magnificent as this! Imagine, if you're faithful enough, you can change the weather! Please, we consist of myself and some maiden in the mountains, I need to get some more followers."
"I don't want any--! Fine. Meet me at the entrance to this alley at dusk. I'll listen to what you have to say, just stop following me!"
Okay.
You leave the Imp to his devices and take a look around the market. Seems pretty normal, save the fact that all the fruits and vegetables look different. And the two women in bikinis that you're passing.
"Hey, wanna buy us?"
"I TOLD YOU WE'RE NOT BEING SLAVES, JAYLEN! AT LEAST NOT PERMANENTLY!"

>[]Wat.
>[]Sounds like you need money. I can't pay... but I'll take you along with me for my adventure!
>[]You're not Alagos. Ignore them.
>[]You're WORSE than Alagos! How much???

>>1146938
>Sounds like you need money. I can't pay... but I'll take you along with me for my adventure!
We need some disciples

>>1147751
(I suppose I should have mentioned that one of the two is a lizard girl. Oops. Green scales, carries a chain whip. Her Sylph friend has an axe)
"I can't really pay *for* you... but I can offer a long-term investment. Food, adventure, a cause. I'm recruiting followers for Alagos, and I can offer you a high rank in the Order when it's taken off. Ceremonial guard, at the very least."
The Sylph shrugs. "Best offer we've had. My name is Faervel, this is Jaylen."
"Name's Krystal. How did you end up like this, anyway?"
"Well..."
Long story short, the two of them had bought some bikinis enchanted with kinetic shielding, and even went for the model with anti-cold wards. They also managed to buy supplies and weapons for their adventuring, but didn't have any extra cash. Due to this, they're stuck here with no food or shelter.
"We were almost considering using our bodies to get some coin before you came along."
Well, their troubles are just beginning.

>[]Let's get some lunch. You need to get acquainted with the local cuisine, anyway.
>[]Fair warning, I'm pretty kinky. You might get assaulted in a moment of poor judgement.
>[]Other.

>>1148028
>Let's get some lunch. You need to get acquainted with the local cuisine, anyway.

>>1148389
You find a (relatively) nice inn by the name of 'The Stumbling Donkey.' You sit down and take off your helmet, shaking your hair out. Faervel goes to the front to order your food (Which is good. You wouldn't know what to order).
She comes back with some soup, bread, and a plate of meat.
She dips a slice of bread in the soup and eats it.
"So. What's your story?" she asks, cutting you a slice of meat.

>[]Tended the shrine in the mountains for a while. Then I just kind of... became a paladin.
>[]Tell them the entire story. Yes, even the naughty bits.
>[]Dunno. Caught Adventurer's Amnesia. Still waiting for the kleptomania to kick in.
>[]Other.

>>1148519
>I'm an alien

> tell them the entire story. Especially the naughty bits.

"Well, let me just start off by letting you know that I'm not exactly from around here. Things are different where I come from. Anyway, I was chasing some cultists that were pissing me off, and bumped into some guy walking around a warehouse..."
You continue, explaining several things here and there and going into disturbing detail for the sexy bits. Faervel had to physically keep Jaylen from sticking her hand down her pants during these parts.
...
"Well, that's certainly an interesting story. I'd call you out on it instantly, but it *would* explain several things."
Jaylen licks her lips.
"I've never done it with a girl before! Can we try, Faervel?"
"Hell no."
You clear your throat.
"Now that I've told you my dirty secrets, it's time for me to make you... Alagos, for your sake, you didn't give me any--"
A box of holy icons drops into your hands, along with a note.
-Thou shalt not take my name in vain, Krystal. :)
You hand the two their lightning amulets. Faervel looks like she's about to go into shock, but pulls through.
"Uh, t-thanks..."
You finish off the meat. Kind of spicy, tastes like chicken. You think. It's been a while since you had chicken.

>[]Well, let's get preachin'!
>[]See about arranging a room for three for purely economical reasons, of course.
>[]Other.

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Heffalump.

>see about arranging a room for three

>>1151779
You walk up to the in keeper's desk.
"Hi, I'd like to get a room for tonight. Preferably for three, I'm a little short on money."
"Let's see here... that'll be fifteen Wisps."
You hand him three glowy bronze coins, and he sorts through the room keys.
"Ah. Here we go. Last door on the right, up the stairs."
"Thanks."
"Come back anytime."
You sit back down at the table.
"What should we do now?" Faervel asks, tapping a spoon against her glass.

>[]Walk around town some more.
>[]Introduce this world to the Jehovah's Witnesses' method of gathering followers.
>[]Get on a crate and start shouting.
>[]Stake out the alley the guy said he'd meet you. You don't want to get shanked.
>[]Something else.

>>1151847
>Walk around town some more.

>>1151912
You take a look at what else the town has to offer.
There's a coop for giant hawks, being sold as mounts. Too expensive. You pass a guy getting hung, which everyone seems a bit too happy about, and finally end up in the religious district.
There's a few temples around. One is devoted to nature, probably for farm blessings. There's another for fire, water, peace, and an abandoned building dedicated to the god of storms. There are cobwebs hanging from the ceiling, and a small bowl holds only some flowers.
You kneel in front of the altar. Might as well have some semblance of piety. Your bodyguards do the same.
Really, this place was pretty boring. If there was a festival, that'd be *something*, at least.
You walk out of the shrine, feeling a drop of water smack you right in the forehead.
Your bodyguards groan.
"I don't wanna get rained on *agaaaain*! I got pneumonia last time!" Jaylen whines.
Should've gotten some raincoats then, you fools.

>[]Speaking of which, I need to get some stuff. Like a tent. I guess I'll buy you two some cloaks as well.
>[]Think about how much you don't miss Alagos.
>[]Back to the inn. Let's just wait it out.
>[]Other.

>>1152084
>Speaking of which, I need to get some stuff. Like a tent. I guess I'll buy you two some cloaks as well.

>>1152154
"I'll be back. Don't freeze to death or anything."
You walk over to the market and examine the adventurer's wares.
No tents, but there is a nice bedroll. Not exactly weather-proof, but Alagos owes you a lot more than a few clear nights.
You stock up on food as well, and buy your bodyguards some robes. Light blue, of course. That's the whole motif.
"Here."
Your bodyguards put on their robes. You hand them your pack as well.
"Wha--why do *I* have to carry this?"
"Because I'm the one with the heavy armor. Careful with those, they explode."
Jaylen holds your bag gingerly.
"Interesting things your world's come up with."
Yeah, it's pretty great.

>[]Back to the inn!
>[]Go back to the shrine and try and get some people to come in.
>[]Other.

>>1152371
>Go back to the shrine and try and get some people to come in.
Start out-preaching any other preachers in the vicinity

>>1152375
You stand at the shrine's entrance and clear your throat.
"And THERE it is, friends! The ugly... truth. YOUR CHILDREN have ascended from the DUNG of man! I alone have been anointed to spread Alagos' mercy! FOR I LOVE YOU! Let the cleansing rains wash you of your impurities! Alagos the mighty!"
«Yes»
"Alagos the unerring!"
«Yes!»
"ALAGOS THE UNASSAILABLE!"
«YOU CAN DO IT KRYSTAL, I BELIEVE IN YOUUUU!»

Roll 1d100 to sway the town into basking under the cleansing rains.
(Inb4 100)

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