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/qst/ - Quests

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Your name is DAN FARNICK and you're in a bit of a bind here.

You see, you have found the ALCHEMY WARP, a magical rift in spacetime that can COMBINE ITEMS. Sometimes LITERALLY sometimes METAPHORICALLY.

You finally found it.
It took days of searching. But you finally found it.

You're going to use it to rule the world.
This things power is not to be underestimated. It is said that it could even create items with MAGICAL PROPERTIES. But even if that winds up being untrue, it can still make all kinds of awesome shit.

But before you can take it for yourself, you need to pass a test.

You were trapped in this room. You must escape.

If you can do it, you will be granted the use of this power any time you want.

If you can't...
Well, you guess your going to starve to death?

...But it won't be a problem. You're sure that you can escape long before that happens.

But with that said...

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You don't really have a lot to work with.
You have a scrap of paper, two pennies, a half-eaten bag of cheetos, a pack of juicy fruit gum, and your pocketknife.

Okay, so according to the old legends, alchemy works something like this:

Dump at least two things in the alchemy warp, wait a moment,and then it spits out an item that is a combination of the ones you put in it. Sometimes it is literally a combination of them, sometimes metaphorically, and often both.

You must be careful though, as the warp will sometimes destroy the items you put in it! You will need to be careful with your limited resources.

Some things are more likely to get destroyed than others. The more complex the item you're making, the more likely it is that you will lose items. Mixing more than two items at a time will pretty much guarantee that at least one of them will be destroyed.

Perhaps you should try to make an item with lot's of pieces that you can take off or something, so you can make a lot of stuff with it. Hopefully you won't run out of items before that.

What will you do?

(Items in picture are not be to scale)
*Are not to scale
By the way, what I mean by this in that, for example, your knife is not that big compared to your bag of cheetos.
Throw the two pennies into the warp.
First, separate the bag of Cheetos into an empty Cheetos bag and the individual Cheetos; and the pack of gum into the outer packaging, the pieces of gum and the individual gum wrappers.

We probably shouldn't mess with the knife until we can disassemble it, but the pennies and paper should also be freely usable alongside other simple components.

Assuming we have a fairly large supply of Cheetos and gum, start with testing all combinations between a Cheeto, a piece of gum and a gum wrapper (of which there should be four possible) to get an idea of how this thing works.
Rip off some of the Cheetos bag, and combine it with one of your eyelashes.
pocketknife + gum

pray that the output is gum that makes our breath so sharp it can cut, like some sort of weirdass dragon
Merge the pennies
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You toss a cheeto and a gum wrapper into the alchemy warp.

They were both destroyed, and It produced ...
An individually wrapped cheeto.
Gosh, can you imagine how suckish it would be if they were sold like this? One little cheeto, rather than a bag full?
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You toss a cheeto and a juicy fruit gum into the alchemy warp.

They were both destroyed, and It produced...

...Fruit flavored cheetos?
You decide to try some of them.
Fucking gross. Who would have guessed?
Oddly, it seems some normal cheetos are in here to. They taste... alright. Not as good as normal, on account of all the fruit-flavored dust spread to them by the others, but still...
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You toss two pennies into the alchemy warp.

They were both destroyed, and It produced...

Another coin. According to the back, it's worth two cents. Is this, like, a real thing? Also, the date isn't even close to accurate...
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You toss a juicy fruit gum and it's wrapper into the alchemy warp.

...It just put it back into the package.
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You tear a bit of the cheeto package off with your knife, and pluck one of your eyelashes (ow ow fuck shit ouch) and toss them in the warp.

They are both destroyed (You think. The eyelash would be a little hard to find in this pure black and white place...) It makes...

A set of false eyelashes? Kay.

You will not do this because you are not stupid.
Toss in the coin, the label from the juicyfruit package, and the paper. Maybe we can get some insrtuctions that make sense. Or at least something with an opinion that it wants to share.
Well. that got you nowhere fast. At least you can get some more food? Even if it tastes like shit...

Well, what will you make now?
You are pretty sure it's not alive. And you don't understand why that would contact it if it was. And what do you mean by "label"?

Still, this gives you an idea.
You toss the two cent coin and the paper into the warp...

Holy shit you can mass-produce money.

Well, after you get out of this place. Your coin and paper are gone.
Merge the wrapped cheeto with the cheeto mix-ups

We have already begun
Crush the cheetos into a powder, and combine that with one of your stray hairs.
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You crush up a cheeto, cut a hair off with your knife (not making the mistake of pulling it again!) and dump them in.

You get... A pile of hair.
Oh! it gave you back the cheeto dust! Sure, it's mixed in with the hair, but whatever.
Oh, I know!
Let's cut our wrist and combine our blood with cheetos
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You take your bag of god awful fruit cheetos and you wrapped cheeto, and drop them in.

You get what at first looks like the same old bag, but upon closer inspection, the M is now a W, and the cheetos inside have been wrapped!
Put in a stick of gum + a wad of spit.
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You drop in a stick of gum, and spit in the warp...

...Yuck. Spit flavored gum? The hell?
Combine part of the wad of hair with a stick of spit-flavored gum.
Combine another part of the wad of hair with one of the fake eyelashes.
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You take a cheeto and drop it in...
You make a (ow) tiny (damnit) cut (fuck) on your arm, and let it drip blood into the warp.

...Bleedos? The entire package is covered in blood...

Opening it up, You find the cheetos dusted in a dark red powder.

You don't know if you really want to eat these...
Combine the 2$ Bank Note with the False Eyelashes.
No wait, combine the 2$ paper with the Cheeto Wix-up.
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You drop you 2$ and wix-up in the warp.
You now have... A 2$ bill. again.
Oh. It's scratch and sniff now. It releases a pleasant fruity smell.
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Congrats. Your wad of hair is now covered in spit, and you lost a stick of gum.

Mixing the other half of the wad with the eyelashes however...
You know, for if you ever wanted your eyelashes to like, completely cover your eyes. Yaaaaay...
Combine knife and a drop of our blood
Wrap the fruity 2$ around our nose
Combine the spit-flavored gum and some more spit.
Wear beard lashes on beard
Combine the spit-covered wad of hair with a bleedo.
Bite off part of one of your fingernails and combine it with another ripped off part of the cheetos bag.
Just a little bit more experimentation until we make a game plan for getting out of here. Best be cautious with the money and the knife, else we have nothing but snacks and body parts.
Open the bleedos, dump 'em out, and set 'em to the side. What we want is the bag.

Take the bag and cut it in half so it's a thin sheet. Then fold it, poke a hole in it so it penetrates two sides, then unfold it again so we have a sheet with two holes in it.

Use the knife to try and find a piece of the room you can cut off; like a tile or a wallpaper or something.

Combine the floor/wall piece with the bag of two holes, and throw in some junk to use as fuel. A bunch of bleedos (but not all, just in case), the beardlashes, the spare hair, etc...

...actually, this may require a lot more fuel, so let's use this as a long-term plan.
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You lose the gum and the spit, and you get...
A chewed piece of spit flavored gum
Not sure that you understand what you mean by "fuel". What is this supposed to do anyway?

And besides, it would seem that the room is made of some kind of super-strong material! Your pocketknife can't even scratch it.
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You use a bleedo, and the spit-covered hair-
Oh fuck what.
It would seem that you have acquired the severed head of the cheetos mascot. His fur is a lot more brown than it is orange though.
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You use the chewed peice of spit flavored gum to stick the 2 dollar bill to your nose, hoping to block out the smell of dead cat.
Might do this.
this is starting to freak you out. You need to get out of this place.
Who knows what it would make?
On the other hand...
It's the only knife you have. You don't want to mix it with something that might make it worse!

(From now on, anyone who want's to use an item that you do not yet know how to make more of, and that you only have one of, at least three people must vote for it! )
Fortune favors the bold! +1 for blood-knife. Probably just going to be blood-covered knife, anyway.
>Bite off part of one of your fingernails and combine it with another ripped off part of the cheetos bag.
Good, good. This head will give us much needed diversity of inputs.
Combine some of that blood with one of its teeth (rip one out).
+1 for blood knife
Take off your socks and try combining them with the beardlashes.
4th for blood knife.
>remove the two dollar bill from your nose and tear it in half
>throw the two halves into the warp to make a whole
>escape through the hole
use the knife on our eyes

put eyes in alchemy warp
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...Eh, what's the worst that could happen. You drip some more blood into the warp, and toss in your knife.

You acquire a scalpel! Much sharper.
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You acquire some manly beard socks, by using your set of beard lashes and your pair of plain white socks.
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You tear another piece off the cheetos bag, bite a sliver of fingernail off, and drop them in.

You get some cheese-scented orange nail polish.
Alright, so it occurs to me that the "three votes thing" could get pretty annoying. So I have decided that if our hero thinks that something isn't really that important (like his socks) he won't require multiple votes.
a drop of blood + a drop of nail polish
spit + nail polish
spit + blood
spit + blood + nail polish
hair + nail polish
hair + blood
hair + spit
hair + spit + blood + nail polish
hair + spit + blood
hair + spit + nail polish
hair + blood + nail polish
Chew up some gum and blow a bubble with it. Then drop in the bubble and some nail polish
Combine the cat's head with some more blood
there is now a part 2

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