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File: Dragon Quest.jpg (209 KB, 1600x1051)
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Last time on EDQ, we tumbled a minotaur, had our daughter get killed since we have severe autism and got sidetracked, and are trying to be more mature. Oh, and we're invading Korea.

It's been nearly a day since the "present" came, and you've been hunting zealously to find the Elven Dominion and bring them to justice for killing your daughter... You answer a phone-call earlier from Viktor, who asked you if you've seen where she was... You've decided to hide your daughter's death from the family so when you make her a new body or find her old one, it won't be weird...

So of course, during the few hours of sleep you now afford yourself, you find yourself in your human form, with Elizabeth holding you on her gold pile, and Frankizka after you've convinced her that it's fine. You don't think you'll tell her about your daughter's death, simply so she doesn't want to stop the ball...

"Hey... Ren?"

"What, Elizabeth?"

"...Did we ever actually get a wedding ring?"

"A... Wedding ring?"

"Yeah..."

"Did you want one?"

"Well... Slightly. Mostly because it's all the rage in England... Also because I think I'd be shiny."

"Oh."

Her tail is wrapped around your leg as you turn around to face her.

"...Hey... Ren?"

"Yeah?"

"...You've seemed a little dour. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah..."

You grab Frankizka and Elizabeth, and hug them as you try and get some sleep.

"Renexizious?"

"Yeah?"

"...How much gold do you think it would take to wrap around my finger in dragon form?"

"...A lot."

"Wow, thanks... Oh, Ren?"

"What, Liz?"

"...Why did you make me draconic in the first place? It's just a question I have."

Frankizka groans.

"...Why am I here... I don't even sleep at night."

Actions

>...Pet Frankizka on the head!
>...Hug your scaly reptilian wife!
>Do you not like it? I'm just curious.
>...I promise you that eventually you'll have the biggest ring I can make.
>I'd rather not say.
>...Because your even more stunning and beautiful in your half-dragon form.
>...Because I don't know why anyone would be a filthy, stinking mammal. No offense, Frankizka.
>...Hey... Liz? I kind of noticed you were using your half-dragon form a LOT more... The only times I see you in your human form is when we're outside...
>Liz... Fuck it. I have something important to tell you.
>...You know, I never did officially marry you, Frankizka. Or Chrysoula.
>...Did we even consumate the marriage? You know, maybe we should get around to that...
>...I'm trying to get some sleep. It's been a hard day, Liz.
>...How would you react if I told you your daughter was dead?
>I kind of regret it at times...
>Let's continue talking about rings, dear...
>Write-In
>>
Also, anons... I kind of noticed Ren went from saying "mammals" and "lower species" to basically just being cool with it.
If anons want to, they can be a little more "dragony" and say shit like that a lot more.
>>
>>865605
>...Hey... Liz? I kind of noticed you were using your half-dragon form a LOT more... The only times I see you in your human form is when we're outside...
>Do you not like it? I'm just curious.

How did Maria even get kidnapped in the first place? Wasn't she married to the king of Serbia or something?
>>
I'm going to do this in the morning anons, or until three more anons post.
>>
>>865655
I promise to not do anything retarded like kill all Elves or inject any of our wives with a mutagen without consent.
>>
Eh... Fine. I'll give anons A SINGLE UPDATE.

"Hey, Liz... I kind of noticed you weren't using your human form too much, and judging from your question... Do you like being draconic or not?"

"...Ren... I mean, it's a mixed question. The fact I lay eggs is... It's weird, ok? But most of it's good... Mostly."

"Mostly?"

"Well.. Not trying to be rude or take shots at you, but I don't like the idea that eating people is suddenly acceptable to you just because I'm a dragon now..."

"Oh."

"...Also because the lust for gold, conquest, and slaves is a little jarring... But I just keep that under wraps."

"That's just normal. So you want to remain a dragon?"

"Yeah... I just wish I could use it more often. Too bad everything is small... Also, the fact I could accidentally crush people."

She lowers her head to your ears.

"...Also because it's really fucking comfortable to be covered in scales. I don't remember the last time I had a papercut..."

Actions

>I can always turn you back to human, you know.
>Yeah, I know, right? I feel like that's the only reason anyone becomes a half-dragon, so they don't get cuts from little pieces of paper.
>...Well, I'm glad your getting used to it.
>My mom told me you might have to shift to your dragon form, since the egg would get so large...
>...To you, it may be cannibalism. To me, it's just dinner.
>...Hey, at least I'm not like the other dragons. You know, calling people "filthly mammals", raping them, eating their entire families, and enslaving them.
>Kiss Elizabeth!
>Write-In
>>
>>865689
>Yeah, I know, right? I feel like that's the only reason anyone becomes a half-dragon, so they don't get cuts from little pieces of paper.
>...Well, I'm glad your getting used to it.
>>
"Well, yeah. That's the only reason anyone becomes at least a half-dragon. It's so they don't get paper cuts."

"Oh, you and your silly sense of wit..."

"Hey, come on now. I'm just happy your getting used to being a half dragon."

"Yeah... You know, you didn't answer my question in the first place."

"I did though."

Elizabeth bats your leg with her tail, playfully.

"Don't make me torture it out of you."

"Are you being serious?"

She seems a little taken aback.

"Erh, no... Why would I torture my husband? I was just curious. And trying to make a witty remark."

"...I mean, you just had anger issues..."

"Had being the key word in your sentence. I don't Ren. You can relax... I just want to know why. And don't just say "you wanted to turn me into a giant overgrown lizard so it fit your nickname."

"Liz?"

"Yeah... Why exactly did I get that again?"

"It was just a shorter way to say Elizabeth."

"...I feel like an idiot. I thought it meant it had something to do with reptiles."

Actions

>Fine, but you'll owe me one.
>Give me a tumble then, please.
>...I erh. I overreacted a little, sorry. I just usually take what people say literally.
>I love being with you since you returned to being semi-normal, Liz... Reminds me of why I married you in the first place.
>...If I get you the ring will you stop asking questions?
>...Fine, I guess I can tell you why I turned you into a draconic creature.
>...Hey, Liz... Are you part Scottish at all?
>Actually, yes. I mutated you to fit with your nickname.
>...Reptiles? I called you Liz BEFORE I turned you into a hot, attractive, sexy, beautiful British monarch.
>Overgrown lizard, eh? Well, your a stinking mammal too. No offense.
>Come on, we're all reptilian master race here. But Frankizka.
>Write-In
>>
>>866112
>...Reptiles? I called you Liz BEFORE I turned you into a hot, attractive, sexy, beautiful British monarch.
What's our intelligence agency looking like?
iirc we only have a couple spies
We must rectify that.
Among other ideas
>>
>>866112
>...Fine, I guess I can tell you why I turned you into a draconic creature.
>>
"Seriously? Reptiles? I called you Liz BEFORE I turned you into a hot, attractive, sexym and beautiful British monarch."

"Was it part of your master plan?"

"...A little, but you are beautiful with scales..."

She smiles kindly...

"You know, you should use your half-dragon form more often... You look quite imposing... Not to mention handsome."

"Aw, thanks... "

"...Why am I here..." Frankizka says, as you pet her on the head.

"...You know, if you want I can tell you why."

"Sure. Go ahead, Ren."

Actions

>...Well... I just wanted you to not get killed whenever we have sex.
>Well, mostly so you could help me in world conquest...
>...I mean, why not?
>...Did you want to become a dragon in the first place?
>
>Write-In"I did it because I figured out my final solution, a cure that makes the attraction to the opposite sex stronger than the attraction to the same sex... It may also teach latin and make them respect me but I had the time and thought I might as well...
>Hey, Liz... Why exactly did you marry me in the first place?
>Write-In for reasons!
>>
>>866833
Dragons Live longer then humans right?
That's why.
>Hey, Liz... Why exactly did you marry me in the first place?
>>
"Well, I wanted you to live as long as I did."

"Oh. Right."

"Yeah. Just saying, your a little bit of a cougar because of my age."

"...Don't mention your age please, it just makes our relationship even more weird then it already is."

"Yeah... Hey, Liz? Why did you marry me in the first place?"

"...Well, my mom wanted me to get married... I was pregnant... And she wouldn't let me marry a sweet and nice Irishman who was in the army."

"...Oh. Was this around..."

"...Well... It was around the time I met you... You remember Alan O'Brien, right?"

You growl softly... Competition...

"Your ex-boyfriend?"

"...We never did break up. His heart must be shattered, just thinking about it." She sighs out... And squeezes you harder.

Actions

>...So you didn't marry me because of love or anything? Wow, thanks.
>Fucking Irishmen trying to steal my women...
>Would you of married me if I was human?
>Did the two of you ever erh... Tumbled together?
>Alan O'Brien can suck a bag of pickled herring... I don't want you anywhere near him, ok?
>...Why didn't the two of you break up?
>Are the two of you still seeing each other?
>...I better not catch you in bed with another man.
>...Growl jealously, and make Liz come close to you. She's YOURS. Forever.
>That's nice, I guess.
>Flames, how do you think about taking care of an ex-boyfriend that our wife never broke up with?
>...Liz, do you want to tumble or something?
>...I mean, I have multiple wives. If you want... I guess you can have a second husband...
>Write-In
>>
>>866870
>...Growl jealously, and make Liz come close to you. She's YOURS. Forever.
>Would you of married me if I was human?
>>
>>866870
>...Growl jealously, and make Liz come close to you. She's YOURS. Forever.
>Would you of married me if I was human?
>>
You growl jealously... And bring Liz closer to you by just so happening to put your hand around her butt. Since she really can't get any closer, she falls ontop of you.

"...Ren."

"Shush... You are mine forever, Liz... Forever, I tell you."

"...Do you want me to get up?"

"That would be nice..."

"No." You say, as you stare at your wife's breasts.

So majestic.

Fucking mammals and their bullshit fucking attempts to steal your racially superior (and attractive!) wives...

"...Liz, would you of married me if I was human?"

"What? I can't really hear you. Your kind of beneath me. Literally."

"...That doesn't give you an excuse. Would you of married me if I was human?"

"I mean... Maybe? You did tumble me inappropriately during our first date... And get me pregnant. I was obliged to marry you, really..."

She readjusts so you and Frankizka can breath.

"...But your inappropriateness is rather a nice nice change from London. Just saying."

"...Inappropriateness?"

"Well, besides publicly slapping me on the.. Erh... Buttocks..." She blushes a little as she says this.

"Go on."

"Well, you also have a little habit of tumbling in public. Such as when the two of us got slaves and you decide right then and there it was a good time to tumble."

"...Didn't you want to tumble one time behind a restaurant alley?"

"Oh, yeah... I was a little... Well, I suppose I like doing things with you that people might find strange or "Oh my God, why are you doing that out in public!"

"...Oh."

"Yeah... I was partially wondering if you were going to try and tumble me in the middle of the restaurant."

"Would you of objected?"

"...I mean... You'd have to persuade me to do such a stupid thing..."

Oh yeah, she would of done it.

"...So is London just that "mature" that you can't have any fun?"

"...The only alcohol I ever really drunk was wine. What do you think?"

Oh. Yeah. That's erh... For lack of a better word, "mature".

Actions

>...Slap her on the ass!
>Even if it's embarrassing? Huh.
>Grope her tail.
>So, not that mature after all, eh?
>Are all my wives this weird?
>...So if I do weird things you like it. Cool. Even if it's inappropriate...
>Well, I prefer doing things privately... I'm just really bad at the timing.
>I see your willing to do anything for love. Thank you.
>Shapeshift to your half-dragon form?
>Write-In
>>
>>866912
>I see your willing to do anything for love. Thank you.
I think we should go to sleep.
>>
>>866912
>>I see your willing to do anything for love. Thank you.

>>866921
After this we should do something like figure out cloning so we can make Maria a new body or something else productive.
>>
>>866927
I was thinking of getting a spymaster so we could start constructing a spy network
>>
"I see your willing to do anything for love... Thank you."

You fall asleep...

You wake up in the morning, and hear the phone ringing... You go over, and answer it. You seem to be alone in bed too.

"Yes?"

"Hey Dad, it's me. Viktor. I sort of found the location they're keeping Maria..."

Oh, great. Not this again.

"Where?"

"It's in... Those little islands above Scotland. God, I forgot the name... I'll tell your defense minster the detail though."

"Oh. Right, thank you."

"Yeah... Hey, didn't you mention you were going to visit sometime soon, dad?"

He seems rather hopeful...

Actions

>...Tell him his sister is dead.
>Right, right. Well... Thank you.
>They will PAY. Mark my words.
>I erh... I see.
>That's awfully vague...
>...If you want, you can come with me. Eating elves, killing elves... It'll be fun.
>Write-In
>>
>>866951
>...If you want, you can come with me. Eating elves, killing elves... It'll be fun.
>>
>>866951
>Thanks Viktor I have an idea of how to deal with this.
If they're still there we know a good location to send some spies.
>>
>>866951
>Right, right. Well... Thank you.

>inb4 "those small islands" are Ireland, Alan O'brien is in league with the Elf dominion and he he's trying to get back at us by killing our kids
>>
Well, guess you've got an excuse to eat your wife's ex-boyfriend.

"Right, right. Thank you."

You hang up... You should come up with a plan... Your defense minister tells you it's on the Island of Arran.

Actions.

>You'll attack, eat, crush, and destroy the Elven Dominion base.
>You'll send spies over there...
>...You'll see about making the entire island collapse and sink into the ocean. No survivors. None.
>...Maybe you can get your daughter's body back... You'll carefully look around that island for signs of a grave. Or her body.
>Ask Elizabeth if you can go there!
>...Hold off on it.
>Write-In
>>
>>866983
>You'll attack, eat, crush, and destroy the Elven Dominion base.
>>
>>866983
>You'll send spies over there...
>And have the apies search for her body as well.

This way we might find other Elven Dominion cells
I also think we should give our spies a shapeshifting mutagen.
>>
Waiting twenty minutes. Allowing argumentation.
>>
>>866991
I'm just saying that patience and forethought might be better here then genociding theseterrorists outright.
Cause information yo.
>>
>>867019
I think we should go there ourselves. We can shapeshift into an Elf and acquire information that way. That when we're down we could slaughter all the Elves there. Also I wouldn't trust spies with a matter such as this.
>>
>>867024
done*
>>
>>867024
Okay then I can support infiltrating the place ourselves.
We should assign someone to rule while we're gone and give them objectives so shit actually gets done while we're out.
>>
>>867041
We could have Liz be in charge for a little bit. Tell Lorriana to design new ships, or something like that. Maybe tell Amaya to expand and make the inquisition stronger.
>>
>>867046
That sounds fine.
We should still get a spymaster eventually.
Oh and I have some ideas for trying to make our government more efficient when we get back.
>>
Infiltrating personally. Huh.

You decide you'll infiltrate personally... So you go to find Elizabeth, who seems to be working in the laboratory...

"Liz?"

"Ren, I'm a little busy... Don't distract me. I don't want to turn myself into a vampire." She says, while mixing a vial with a spoon...

"Liz. It's important."

"Nothing is more important then my so- I mean... A child not having to go through vampirism, Ren. Can we talk later?"

Actions

>Fine, fine. I'll talk to you later.
>...She's obviously bluffing. Slap her ass until she turns around to talk to you.
>...I just need you to rule over my realm for a minute.
>...He's not your son, Liz. He's someone else.
>Please? I need your attention just for a minute.
>Write-In
>>
>>867061
What are of your some ideas?
>>
>>867066
>Fine, fine. I'll talk to you later.
Leave a note on the door. We don't want to spook her with any important news right now.
>>
>>867066
>...I just need you to rule over my realm for a minute.
>>867067
Firstly expanding our cabinet with people like those that handle infrastructure and such(or just expand kryos's role to head of public relations and infrastructure) and giving them the ability to make proposals to us that we can alter, accept, or deny.
It's mostly so we can have people work on setting up industries to use the resources(like timber, oil, etc)we haven't utilized yet or repair damaged buildings and such.

Basically give our cabinet more autonomy.
>>
"Fine, fine. I'll talk to you later, Liz."

You close the door, and leave a note...

"Oh, Ren?"

"Yeah?" You say, as you scribble the note.

"...Isn't the ball tomorrow? Are you still coming?"
You see that your wife's gut... Is a little big... You think she's beginning to become pregnant. Great.

Oh, right.

Actions

>Don't worry, I can make it.
>Hey... Liz. I think your starting to get pregnant...
>...Liz, are you hungry at all? Just curious.
>...Shiiiit. You haven't actually finished making your nation able to produce more food in time for her pregnancy... Work on that. ASAP.
>...I can't guarantee that...
>...Why don't you come with me?
>Sorry, but no.
>...Yeah. And I promise to get you the nicest things I can get you. Mountains of gold, Liz... And maybe a wedding ring, since that seems to be a new fad.
>Write-In
>>
>>867124
That sounds logical. We do have a multiple cabinet positions empty and we could create more to fit different needs. I it just depends on who we pick for those positions.

>>867138
>...Yeah. And I promise to get you the nicest things I can get you. Mountains of gold, Liz... And maybe a wedding ring, since that seems to be a new fad.
Either pray or mutate so we have enough food for the coming onslaught.
>>
>>867138
>Don't worry, I can make it.
>>867148
We could start inventing hydroponics
That combined with mutated crops should make crops that are much larger and grow even faster.
>>
'Yeah. I can make it. And I promise I'll get you the nicest things I can."

"Thanks, Ren."

You decide to leave out the other stuff since she's kind of busy. And another vampire wife makes your vampire wives less special.

Also because you don't want to put the world into a blood tax thing.

You begin to leave, notify Amaya that she's to increase the power of the Inquisition, and you also tell Lorriana to design new ships as you infiltrate...

So anons... PoV shift?

>Remain as Renexizious!
>Charlemagne time!
>>
>>867163
>Remain as Renexizious!

>>867151
I think we should pray to Saturn for a more bountiful harvest. There won't be any difficulty rolls and we're giving more power to the Roman gods like we said we would.
>>
Renexizious it is.

Roll me a 1d20+4 if you can stay hidden during your flight. Additional +3 if you can come up with a way to stay hidden.
>>
Rolled 9 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>867204
Fly in the clouds
>>
Allowing samefagging anons!
>>
Rolled 20 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>867204
>>
Rolled 6 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>867255
>>
Critical Success!

You sneak so expertly that you already see their base from above... You shapeshift into your elven form, fly over the walls silently, and get up.
Whew... What a work out.

You don't think anyone has noticed you catapult yourself over the small compound's walls, and you brush dirt off of your clothes.

We should come up with an albi!

Let's try our best to be charismatic, sauve, and... Be like that James Bond character!

...You've read the books?

Flames had. When you were sleeping.[

...They aren't that good... I just love the character...

Actions

>...Goddamn it, we're fucking nerdy. I didn't even know James Bond was a thing until now.
>...Fine, I guess we can...
>...I already maxed out Charisma. Let's do it.
>...So leave no elf here virgin?
>...I thought we were supposed to be mature...
>...Quickly, Flames... You be in charge of one-liners... Actually, I will. Flames, your in charge of yelling if someone is suspicious, Solaire, your in charge of the British accent, and I'll be in charge of not getting caught and looking cool.
>...Let's not be autistic and just be a normal elf.
>Write-In
>>
>>867309
>...Let's not be autistic and just be a normal elf.
We can't afford to have fun.
>>
>>867309
>...I thought we were supposed to be mature...
>...Let's not be autistic and just be a normal elf.
And our name shall be Legolas
>>
>>867168
Well there's also an upper limit to how much we can rely on Saturn.
Basically they're limited by the amount of divine energy we have so prayers will get less and less effective as time goes on.
>>
>>867325
I thought they were limited by how much people were worshipping them. Start having festivals with more people people praying, pleasing and doing stuff in Saturns name and that would make him more powerful and he could do stuff like making cattle YUGE. Also I want to get on board with Latinizing our empire since we haven't done much of that since we talked to Jupiter about that.
>>
>>867398
They get power from prayer and are limited by how much energy they have.
Prayer=Divine energy=Miracles and shit
And more prayer means more divine energy.
So just constantly giving us larger cattle for our prayer constantly currently puts Saturn at a deficit

So while I'm fine with getting more people to worship we shouldn't ignore improving things ourselves.
>>
My wifu is dead since I'm trying to install my new TV

Also if you want chronically obese cattle, your going to need to give Saturn a LOT more prayers.
And don't piss him off.
That would be a GG right now.

So think of ideas on how to get them more followers while I install a TV.
>>
>>867558
How big is the TV? Is it at least 50 inches?
>>
>>867572
65 inches. And it's CURVED.

Holy shit imagine playing Quake Enemy Territory. Or battlefield 1943.
>>
Let's not be autistic and try to be mature.

...Only if our name is Legolass.

You mean Legolas.

Legolass.

You guys are fucking children.

Welcome to your headmates. They're all cunts.

Come up with a fake name anons?

>...Legolass, fine.
>...Legolas will do just fine.
>...How about... Katar?
>How about Urist?
>Let's go for McElf.
>Alan works.
>Ren. No one will ever suspect.
>If anyone asks questions about your name, just say "Renexizious!"
>Write-In

Sorry about the wait.
>>
>>867817
>Write-In
"Dave, Dave Fletcher. A name so generic that it even sounds like it is the average of a nation's names,"
>>
>>867817
>How about Urist?
>Can we please just take this seriously?
>>
Dave Fletcher. It's so generic that it'll work.

Fine then... By God, let's just try this.

...I liked Legolass better...

Roll me a 1d20+4 to avoid suspicion as you infiltrate! Additional +2 if you can reassure nearby elves that you ARE NOT A DRAGON. Additional +3 if you can give them reasons why a dragon wouldn't be sneaking around or a dragon wouldn't attack. Or just foreshadow.
Additional +1 if you can try to get Flames and Solaire to act semi-seriously.
>>
Rolled 14 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>867859
>>
Rolled 6 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>867859
Foreshadowing
>No of course I'm not a dragon. What are the odds a dragon would attack us specifically? Everything will be fine and an ice dragon totally won't kill us.

And ask flames and Solaire if they can at least be serious dealing with the people that you know... killed our daughter... some semblance of respect would be nice.
>>
Rolled 19 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>867859
Whistle and hum in an Elvish fashion.
>>
19+10=29

Good Success!

You dispel this notion that you are a dragon. You are totally, and utterly not a dragon. Also you tell Flames and Solaire to TRY to be serious dealing with the people who killed our daughter.

...Fiiiine. I guess we can.

We barely even knew her...

By Jupiter, are you always like this?

Nah. Of course not. They're just beta virgin nerds. Your an alpha nerd.

You gain access to the compound and completely avoid suspicion... So you decide to try and find where your daughter's body could be...

Roll me a 1d20+5. Additional +3 if you can foreshadow the elves deaths in a gory and graphic setting, because Ren is pissed.

Also, additional +1 if you can continue to dispel this notion that you are a dragon.
>>
Rolled 15 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>867905
>It'd be awful if a dragon just rolled up in here are us all and we had our souls torn out of us as our lifeless husks are digested and our souls sent to a evil god to be tortured for eternity. Good thing I wouldn't do that because I'm not a dragon and totally an elf.
>>
>>867916
>Are
I meant ate.
I'm wondering if we can use the eye of the north star and only fuck up these elves.
>>
Rolled 6 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>867905
>Man. It sure would suck if that scaley bastard Ren found us. I heard that another base in Britain got exposed and he killed all the Elves there by squishing them with his hands. But at least it's all worth it for Elf kind.
>>
Rolled 16 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>867905
>>
Gory and graphic foreshadowing results in many keks anons.

>>867919
I'm just imagining Ren making lemonade. Thanks anon.

You give even more reassurance that you are not in fact a dragon and that these elves are going to be slowly digested and tortured for all eternity...
You know, maybe you should feed these misbegotten elves to your wife.
Nah. You don't want your next son to be even related to an elf.

The base seems a little nervous about you saying all this foreshadowing stuff, but luckily you dispel the notion that your a elf. The elves here are just getting nervous from you spouting their painful demise.

So of course, you finally come to... An underground bunker.
How the fuck is there an underground bunker on this island.

You just shake your elven head and go in, and after reassuring the guards a little, you eventually come to the freezer room...

An elven guard stops you... He seems... Well, compared to the other guards, quite muscular, and surprisingly heavily-armed.

"Hey uh... You might not want to go in there." He says, with a slight Texan accent.

"Why?"

"Well, you can. I'm just a mercenary. Not my job to tell you where to go. Actually, it kind of is. Freezer room is off bounds, partner."

"Why?"

"...Some vengeful cunt with too much time on their hands decided to kill the prisoner we had. I thought we were just going to ransom her back... We've locked the guy in there, and her body right now."

"Oh. No one telling you what's happening?"

"No... To think I served in the Korean War for this shit. Got to pay the bills somehow, right?"

"Oh yeah..."

"...Oh, shit. Right. I'm supposed to ask you if you have an authorization. Do you?"

Actions

>Where would I get some?
>So the Elven Dominion didn't order it?
>Try to persuade him to let you pass!
>...Threaten the shit out of him.
>Mind if I ask why a heavily armed mercenary like you is guarding a freezer?
>...Why exactly are you in the Elven Dominion?
>Shapeshift!
>...You know, just saying, but I think the Empire Of Sweden would pay better for a mercenary like you.
>...The guy who killed my daughter is in there?
>Write-In
>>
>>867995
>...You know, just saying, but I think the Empire Of Sweden would pay better for a mercenary like you.
>...Why exactly are you in the Elven Dominion?
>Try to persuade him to let you pass!
>>
>>867995
>...Why exactly are you in the Elven Dominion?
>Try to persuade him to let you pass!
>>
"So, why are you in the Elven Dominion?"

"...Well, they have some rather fiery women, with fine ears. Not to mention the pay's good too... And my kids and me even get health insurance and a timeshare to a nice beach in Flordia once I retire. Bet my ex-wife is regretting leaving me for that politician..."

"Oh..."

"Yeah. And all I have to do is guard a fucking door, sometimes train some people how to use a Browning machine gun, or those new... And I gotta admit, damned cool M16s. Have you ever seen one... They're fucking sick. Sometimes I get a Swedish guy who said his mom or something was raped by Renexizious and wants some "poetic irony" when they kill him. So of course, they ask me to train them how to use a Autokarbiner. Nicely designed gun if I do say so myself. Personally though, I recommend the M14 rifle for newbies..."

Oh man. He's really into gun culture.

You decide to convince him to let you pass.

Roll me a 1d20+6, additional +2 if you can bribe him or convince him to let you pass... Or just make him nervous enough of Renexizious that he has to take a bathroom break. Or if you want, you can try to convince him to join you.
>>
Rolled 5 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>868064
Convince him to join us.
We need an elven poster person.
>>
Rolled 4 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>868064
I hear Sweden's making new guns and putting more funding in their military. Maybe you should join them?
>>
>868064

"Come on cowboy, would you like to be paid by psychotic assholes? Or would you rather like to have more guns than you can think of?"
>>
Rolled 16 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>868100

Fucking forgot to roll
>>
6+6=12

Failure!

"...Hey, why don't you join Sweden then? They're putting more money in their military."

He chuckles a little.

"Sorry, but it's too damned cold there... Texans don't like the cold. And I hear he doesn't exactly like elves. I don't really care, but I have kids, you know? So I'm staying away from him, thank you very much."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Besides, where else am I going to find fine elven ass?" He chuckles a little more, and you chuckle with him as well.

"Yeah, I know the feeling."

"...Yeah. Though I would like to get away from the environmentalist nuts, borderline communists, and people with questionable sanity... Or the dismal arsenal here..."

He seems to be slightly thinking about changing sides...

Actions

>...Try to persuade him more!
>...Did I mention they have LASER guns?
>...Did I mention I could get you a ranch in Ukraine?
>Listen, you seem like a cool guy. Get out of here. I'm tearing this place down soon.
>...Try to buddy-up with him? You don't know much about mortal firearms... But they're cool.
>Hey, want to get a beer?
>Try to sneak past him?
>...Did I mention he has lots of butter?
>Oh. He has women. LOTS of women.
>Yeah, he doesn't have good PR. He does have an elf he loves dearly, for his child's sake though.
>...Eh, Elven ass is OK. I prefer other forms of ass.
>Write-In
>>
>>868129
>...Did I mention they have LASER guns?
>...Did I mention I could get you a ranch in Ukraine? You could have when you retire?
>>
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>>868129

>mfw QM ignores my roll

>...Did I mention they have LASER guns?
>...Try to persuade him more!
>>
>>868148
iirc it's best of three here.
Excluding crits of course.
>>
>>868129
>...Try to persuade him more!
>...Did I mention I could get you a ranch in Ukraine?

>>868148
OP only counts the first three rolls.
>>
>>868149
>>868150

Yeah nevermind, don't mind me for now
>>
>>868148
Best of three.
NOW GET OUTA HERE

please don't

"...Did I mention they have LASER guns? And you could have a ranch in Ukraine when you retire?"

Roll me a 1d20+5. Additional +3 if you can HYPE IT UP. Additional +1 if you can include fine elven women somehow, and a +2 if you can still make it seem like you aren't Renexizious trying to shamelessly get an elf to join.

Also, an autosuccess if you can cater to his inner cowboy/gun nut/inner child who dreams of guns, women, and booze.
>>
Rolled 11 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>868165

Haven't you always wanted to scalp indians? Do you want to own your very own minigun?

Want multiple wives? Multiple ELVEN WIVES?!

COME JOIN! THEY HAVE ALL THAT SHIT AND MORE!
>>
Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>868165
>Come on think about it. Ranching on your own plot of land, laser rifle and beer in hand, with a fine elven wife cooking for you. Doesn't that sound amazing?
>>
Rolled 20 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>868165
>Think about it. The gun laws in Sweden are so you can have anything you want.
>>
YEESSS! NAT 20 BITCH!
>>
>>868191
>>868198

Here's to you anon, here's to you for getting us a Texan elf.
>>
>>868191
Nice
Anyways I also have an idea for a doomsday weapon to keep all the nuke holding countries from holding it over our head.
Also why the hell did we hire a random Serbian as our military advisor?
How good is he even?
>>
>>868212

I also have an idea for a doomsday weapon. What do you have?
>>
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>>868212
I think we got him when we were during our whole 'Remove kebab' phase around the time we were invading Turkey.
>>
>>868212
Surprisingly decent. Not the best, but decent enough, and hates kebab and communists

"Well... Want multiple wives? Multiple ELVEN wives? Ranching on your own plot of land with a laser rifle and beer in hand... With a fine elven wife cooking for you? Doesn't that sound amazing? Not to mention I bet Ren can lift the gun laws so you can have anything you want."

He thinks about this... And is grinning like an absolute madman.

"...How many guns did you say?"

"ALL of the guns."

"Fuck it. I'm not getting any younger... I wonder if I can get a personal tank..."

He tosses you the keys to the freezer.

"Hey, thanks kid. I'll see you around... I got to get packing and file my two weeks notice."

He walks of, muttering to himself about if it's legal or not to attach a tank barrel to a car. Or to attach a car to a tank barrel...

You like that guy already...

Actions

>...Maybe you should talk to him some more?
>...Open the freezer door?
>Maybe you should reveal to him that you are in fact, Renexizious?
>...Try to persuade him to leave right now...
>Write-in
>>
>>868222

Speaking of military advisors. I have an idea for one, though it may sound a bit odd. Who wants my odd idea?
>>
>>868221
Well it's a super virus mutagen that spreads fast and either
A:Gives them super cancer(as in spreads throughout the body and kills them in a matter of days)
Or
B:Starts randomly mutating and destroying their DNA until they die(and may even continue past that)
Both ways would be very inhumane (Lel) and painful
>>868229
>...Open the freezer door?
>>
>>868229
>...Open the freezer door?

>>868238
Sure. Also if we're on the topic of cabinet members, I have an idea. We should get a minister of education who's really pro-Roman. Get a guy from Italy or something and have all of our history books idolize Rome. That'll help with latinizing our empire.
>>
You decide to open the freezer door... And it is fucking freezing.
You go in, and see a half-frozen elf sitting... You close the freezer door behind you...

You see the elf who killed your daughter... And you are all alone. He seems to be unresponsive though, no doubt freezing slowly to death.

Actions

>Ignore him, and look for your daughter's corpse.
>...Kill him.
>...No, no. Let him freeze slowly to death. That'll be your revenge.
>Oh, you aren't letting him just getting away with killing your daughter... Kill him. Then raise him again. And repeat.
>...Try to take him back to Sweden. He'll enjoy a life behind bars. If he lives. Or you can just painfully mutate him, etc...
>Write-In
>>
>>868240

I was thinking something along the lines of a mass-mind rape machine. Working with a combination of Chaos and SCIENCE!

Anyone caught with in it will end up being caught in under two effects:

1. A drooling vegetable
2. Completely subservient to the first person to give them an order

>>868246

Since we got computers now, we should make an AI that has a Freudian trio personality based on AIs that made great villains.

AM- Id
Skynet-Ego
SHODAN-Superego

While it may end up being utterly fucking nuts, it would be a fine asset.
>>
>>868274
>Kill him then raise him as our blackguard. He shall serve the one he hates.
>>
>>868279

I fully support this, feel the ironic suffering elf
>>
>>868279
This
>>
>>868277

So who likes my ideas? Anyone? Do you know who AM is?
>>
>>868295
We could make them as managers of cybernetic warfare.
We should put limits on them so they can't go all
A.I is crapshoot.
>>
You go over to him... And break his neck. You resurrect him as your black guard... Muahahaha...

He seems a little unresponsive though, probably because he's half frozen to death. He's little more than a body puppet, honestly.

Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if you can find your daughter's corpse. Additional +4 if you can create a list of menial, degrading, embarrasing, and other tasks to give to your new blackguard.

Anyone else got a list of doomsday weapons? I mean, it doesn't necessarily have to kill people. It could just doom everyday life.
>>
Rolled 13 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>868313
We could create a massive gas bomb we release into the atmosphere to turn the world into a massive desert.

We could have him clean our coins when we soil them tumbling Elizabeth.
>>
Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>868313
brb looking the wiki for which weapon I was thinking of
>>
>>868321
That would fucking kill Renexizious, Elizabeth, and other frost-reliant creatures.
Also, that's just mutually assured destruction. Maybe useful if you go to spess and need to do an Exterminatus.
Besides, since most half-dragons are frost-immune, you might as well go full out "gas the environment frost attuned people only."
>>
Rolled 2 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>868313
>>
>>868330
>>868313
Why is it every time we raise a blackguard pr mention one I imagine someone in super edgy, black, spiky armor with a BFS.
>>868333
Yea I forgot we don't into heat.
So Arctic tundra instead of desert.
Of course we'll just make it short and super intense.
>>
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>>868313
Okay I found it.
http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Ordinatus

I was thinking something along the lines of Ordinatus from warhammer 40k. A giant weapon the size of a skyscraper and one that could level an entire city with one hit.
>>
>>868349
I'm surprised anons don't use more necromancy. It'd cost a lot less.

13+8=21

Success!

You find your daughter's green scaly corpse... You tell your servant to hold onto it...

What are you going to do now?

>Leave...
>...Well, time to crush and destroy this entire base... You hope it tastes good. Maybe they have butter.
>Try to get that Texan out in time. He's pretty cool.
>...Half-Dragon form. You don't want to utterly kill everyone here. There might be hostages or something, and that Texan is still here.
>Eh, you'll leave and tell Elizabeth to send her army in to deal with these guys. No need to crush or kill everyone here.
>Look around for clues of more bases or influenced people!
>Write-In
>>
>>868376
>Look around for clues of more bases or influenced people!
>>
>>868376
>Look around for clues of more bases or influenced people!
I was actually thinking of raising some blackguards to function as an elite military unit.
>>
>>868381
This.
>>
You leave your slave-blackguard behind in the freezer...

Roll me a 1d20+4 to explore and avoid suspicion by scaring elves off. Additional +3 for freaking Elves out about possible "facts" with dragons. Additional +2 if you can totally not freak them out by detailing what going through a dragon's digestion cycle is going to be like for them. Also, a +1 for spreading pro-mass slavery messages.

>>868387
I'm surprised anons haven't tried to enslave the dead to beat their mom's record of slaves.
>>
Rolled 12 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>868415
>>
Rolled 16 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>868415
>Counting dead as slaves
>Not working hard, fighting fair, and enslaving living people
Where's the challenge m8?

>Hey did you know dragons sometimes enjoy swallowing prey whole? Also they have highly efficient digestive systems with stomach acids capable of breaking down metal and rock? I hear it still hurts like hell though. So if you see one just surrender and let them enslavw you enmass. Getting eaten is the worst way to die
>>
>>868434
>Enslavw
Enslave.

We should also level up necromancy more.
>>
Rolled 18 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>868376

Speaking of necromancy, we should head to the warhammer world and find Nagash's books or Nagash himself. Would help us with necromancy by a LOT

>>868415

"Dragons are known to be driven to violent rage when their children are killed! Who ever is retarded enough to do so may end up as a personal torture doll to them! WAR IS PEACE! SLAVERY IS FREEDOM! IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH!"
>>
I'm surprised anons don't pull a Julius and try to use Necromancy a lot more, or become a vampire.

16+10=26

Good Success!

You spread strange and discomforting facts, avoiding suspicion simply because you are so strange...

You eventually come up to a map... And see there's three bases. One in Russia, one in Denmark, and a final one in Mexico. It seems these are major bases.

You also find a list detailing important politicians... It seems Kryos has been listed as a "POTENTIAL ASSET" though it seems he's refused bribes, and has stated he doesn't work with terrorists. There's also... Mikhal, on this list. It seems that there's planning to influence him to work for the Elven Dominion...

You even find a small document detailing someone called "Cortez de Castela", who seems to be related to you... And...

Rosa?

You haven't heard that name for... A while now. Is it the same Rosa in that... D&D dimension?

Goddamn it, you really need to stop having kids.

You also find that there's a list of organizations the Elven Dominion has influence over... It seems there's some influence in the Russian Farming market, but that's really it.

Actions

>That seems good enough...
>Try to find the leader of this base...
>Half-Dragon form. You'd rather kill these elves with your BARE FUCKING FISTS rather then JUST crush them.
>...Leave. Go into your dragon form, and wreck the elves shit.
>Just leave.
>Try to get the Texan to leave earlier. He doesn't have two weeks.
>Write-In
>>
>>868494
>Try to get the Texan to leave earlier. He doesn't have two weeks.
Then we can grab our blackguard and our daughters corpse and tear shit up.
>>
>>868494
>Try to get the Texan to leave earlier. He doesn't have two weeks.
We never did get his name
>>
>>868508
This.
>>
You decide to find the Texan, and after a bit find him drinking a beer, and failing to hit on a elven woman. He gets slapped, and just drinks some beer.

"I can show you a rodeo you'll never forget!"

The elf just walks away, with a strut.

"Have any good catches?"

"Oh, hey... It's you. Want a beer?"

"Sure."

"It's watered down. Personally, I'd rate her a 6/10. Mostly because she's a fuckin' commie, but also because she slapped me."

"Ah..."

"...Never did have luck with women since my wife left me. An "open relationship!" She said. Haw, I said..."

He drinks his beer.

"Anyways partner, need something?"
His accent is remarkably strong, probably because he's been drinking.

Actions

>So uh... Well, there's a small problem. Shit's fucked in a few minutes. Want to come help me?
>...If you want, I can give you some advice on how to get a woman.
>If you want a real rodeo, sleep with a minotaur...
>How the fuck did a Texan end up here anyways? Just curious.
>...Hey, want to drink outside? Probably a lot better.
>Hey uh... Do you have a cowboy hat or anything, just curious.
>What's your name?
>...Just curious, you know I'm a dragon, right?
>Write-In
>>
>>868531
>So uh... Well, there's a small problem. Shit's fucked in a few minutes. Want to come help me?
>>
>>868531
>So uh... Well, there's a small problem. Shit's fucked in a few minutes. Want to come help me?
>What's your name?
>>
>>868545

I'll list some names as guesses:

McCree
Django
Clint
Shultz
Arthur
>>
"So, there's a small problem. Shit's fucked in a few minutes. Want to come help me or run away?"

He seems confused.

Roll me a 1d20+3 to see if you can get him to go early. Additional +3 if you can graphically detail what will happen to the elves here. Additional +3 if you can give him a reason to not trust his benefactors.
>>
Rolled 12 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>868559
>All the elves here will be frozen alive, beaten into a bloody pulp crying in heaps, or straight up eaten, though they deserve all this with the terrorist attacks on civilians and the kidnappings among other things and I don't doubt they'd kill you if you tried to leave.
>>
Rolled 4 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>868559

"The elves here are going to be attacked by a dragon soon, it will turn them into flesh popsicles, eat them alive and send their souls to be tormented forever by a god who's like an evil and metal as fuck Odin. But if you don't believe me, these elves are more than likely going to sacrifice you and high-tail it if you stick around cowboy. SO LET'S GET THE FUCK OUT WHILE WE STILL CAN OR ELSE WE'RE FUCKED!"
>>
Rolled 2 + 3 (1d20 + 3)

>>868559
All the other Elves here are going to die from Dragon fire and impalment. You should just blow this popsicle stand and let all these commies die.
>>
12+9=21

Good Success!

"All the elves here will be frozen alive, beaten into a bloody pulp crying in heaps, or straight up eaten, though they deserve all this with the terrorist attacks on civilians and the kidnappings among other things and I don't doubt they'd kill you if you tried to leave..."

"...Who are you anyways? I didn't catch your name, and I don't think your a member of the Elven Dominion."

Actions

>Name's Renexizious. Mind if I ask yours?
>Come with me if you want to live. Also say this in a German accent.
>Just uh... Dave.
>Quickly, got any dirt on the Elven Dominion?! I NEED GOOD PR DAMN IT!
>Write-In
>>
>>868600

>Write-In

I AM SHODAN! But in all seriousness, come with me if you want to live. I am Renexizious Thorson, emperor of Sweden and lover of butter
>>
>>868600
>My name is Arnold and come with me if you want to live
In an Austrian accent
>>
>>868557
>McCree
If he has a legendary skill with a revolver he is worth every gold coin.
If he says "It's high noon" then we can never pay him enough.
>>868600
>Name's Renexizious. Mind if I ask yours?
>>
>>868615

If he says "It's high noon" then we have truly been blessed by Jupiter.

Also since my AI idea gets to be head of cyber warfare. How about our military advisor be a champion/demigod of Mars?
>>
>>868638
We already have a military advisor. He's a kebab hating Serbian.

I have another idea for a doomsday weapon.
A virus that does one thing.
Complete and irrevocable loss of bowel control to anyone infected.
>>
>>868646

Yeah I know, just for someone to co-opt it with tye anti-kebab Serb. Besides: gives us more Roman cred and a (possible) tactical genius
>>
"Well, come with me if you want to live. Mostly because I'm Renexizious Thorrson, Emperor of Sweden, and I make love to butter."

He seems confused by that.

"What?"

"...You make love to butter?"

You fucked up. Nice translation error.

The Texan starts laughing.

"Nice joke... Name's Sherman Willson."

"Can I call you McCree?"

"Fuck right out of here. Let me guess, you think I'm straight from Gunsmoke for having a Texan accent, don't you?"

"...Can you just say It's high noon?"

He sighs.

"...It's high noon."

"Thank you. You've made my day."

"...Your a fucking varmint, that's what you are. I get asked that question a lot here for some fucking reason..."

"Sorry, sorry. Should we go now?"

"I guess... Renexizious. I still don't believe you a bit. But I guess it's enough of an answer. And gives me an excuse to leave early."

Just a question... I know I was a bit of a dick earlier with the whole "let's be inappropriate and call ourselves James Bond", but can you just do one thing?

What?

If we're going to kill these guys, I'd rather do it face to face. Because they killed our daughter like fucking pussies, and I want to kill them with my bare fucking fists. Well, technically I can't... But you can.

I'll think about it.

...Did I mention it gives us more XP?

Actions

>Fine, I'll cater to you and beat the shit out of everyone here.
>...They have guns, you dipshit. We'll get shot.
>...I like it. Be more manly then them.
>...Let me guess, your going to want us to scoop a female elf up, seduce her via makeout session, and tumble the shit out of her? Grow up.
>...Maybe we can get this Texan cowboy to join us in a posse...
>Nah. I have things to do. Like crush everyone here beneath my fist.
>...Solaire? Any opinion?
>Fenrir, any opinion?
>...Yeah, but eating them would make me fat. And we want to get Khorne more power. And I fucking hate these guys, and I want their soul to go to Khorne.
>...Let's go into a Khornate Rage. That's a lot more fun fist to fist.
>...Do you think we could get Blondi in on this?
>...You know, I wonder if we can get Khorne to get us a deal that if we beat someone to death with our bare hands their soul goes to him. Just saying.
>Write-in
>>
>>868646
>>868671
You could just have two military advisers. Just saying.
>>
>>868685
>Why don't we go half dragon and take off our eye patch?
>>
>>868685

I see what you did there QM, and I raise a glass of rum to you. But anyways

>...Let's go into a Khornate Rage. That's a lot more fun fist to fist.

But warn our new texan elf to run as fast as he can out before we go into it.

>>868689

That's what I was going for
>>
>>868685
>Nah. I have things to do. Like crush everyone here beneath my fist.

>>868689
I'm surprised we never had Hans as part of our cabinet. Even that communist witch we kidnapped in the beginning is part of it.
>>
>>868708
I don't know why either. Anons kind of just forgot about him once they took power.

Let's just go into a Khornate rage.

Sweet. Brutal.

Can we still eat people?

...I mean, maybe one or two. Besides, he doesn't have to cater to your vore fetish.

I'm hungry though...

Actions

>Fine... I guess.
>...I'm eating as many people as I can, I can work off the weight.
>...Fuck off out of here Fenrir, with your shitty vore fetish, and stupid fucking hunger.
>No, I don't want to be fat.
>How about I just resolve this by growing my three heads in my half-dragon form and kicking everyone's ass?
>I feel like being an unstoppable juggernaut. Let's try our dragotaur form.
>Write-In
>>
>>868726
>No, I don't want to be fat. I gain weight Fenrir
>I feel like being an unstoppable juggernaut. Let's try our dragotaur form
Time for a field test
>>
>>868726
>No, I don't want to be fat.
Write-In
>I'm trying to be more mature here and need just listen to the voices in my head
>>
>>868733
not*
>>
>I feel like being an unstoppable juggernaut. Let's try our dragotaur form.
>Write-In

Let Khorne see this, and spew out Chaos warcries:

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
SANITY IS FOR THE WEAK!
DO YOU HEAR THE VOICES TOO?!
MAIM KILL BURN! MAIM KILL BURN!! MAIM KILL BURN!!!
DESPAIR! FOR I AM THE END OF DAYS!
>>
No, I don't want to get fat Fenrir.

But It'd be cool...

Fenrir, come on. I gain weight a lot faster.

If I was here I'd be giving you fucking puppy eyes right now...

I'm trying to be more mature here. Not just listen to the voices in my head.

...Why not?

Come on, our daughter died because we were carousing. We should get more mature.

...But then we're going to do more shit and I have to plan more...

There will be comfy breasts in the future, so long as we all praise the sun properly.

I'm just fucking starving...

Actions

>No offense, but I should really stop listening to your "let's have sex" comments.
>Hey, come now. We're not children...
>...Sorry Fenrir. Maybe next time?
>...Well, maybe one guy. Just so we look cool.
>...Let's just use our half-dragon form. Dragotaur is a little too extreme.
>...So you just want to carouse to get out of work, Flames? Wow, that's totally not slothful at all.
>You guys are the most inappropriate, sex obsessed motherfuckers I have ever met.
>Write-In
>>
>...Well, maybe one guy. Just so we look cool.

Juuust so we can get Fenrir to stop talking about eating
>>
>>868760
>...Sorry Fenrir. Maybe next time?
>How did we get anything done ever?
>Let's just get this done. We have responsibilities and shit to get back to at home.
>>
>>868773
This
>>
Sorry Fenrir, maybe next time. But how the fuck did we ever get anything done ever? We have shit to do back home.

I don't know...

You return to reality.

"Hey, Sherman. I recommend you leave."

"Wh-"

You begin to shapeshift, and he gets the idea...

Roll me a 1d20+6 to terrify nearby elves. Additional +4 for good quotes or saying anything cool for suddenly becoming a giant dragotaur with anger issues.
Additional +1 and awesome points if you can make it minotaur related.
Additional +2 if you can mention Khorne.

Additional +2 if you can mentally think what the fuck you are about to do to the nearest elf.
>>
Rolled 13 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>868796
>>
Rolled 19 + 14 (1d20 + 14)

>>868796

"ARE YOU WATCHING THIS KHORNE?! AND YOU FUCKING ELVES, TIME FOR YOU TO GET THE HORNS FOR KILLING MY DAUGHTER!"

The nearest elf is going to get it's heart ripped out and force fed to it.
>>
Rolled 5 + 15 (1d20 + 15)

>>868796
>What's big, scaly, horny and about to fuck you all up? Me bitches.
And
>I hope none survive and if they do I hope khorne is gentle after I send their souls to him because it would be cruel if he fucks them half as hard as my horns are about to FUCK THEM UP

>Impaling elves on our horns internally.
>>
>>868814
It's so fucking brutal, I love it.
>>
BRUTAL AS FUCK

"ARE YOU FAGGOTS WATCHING THIS?! KHORNE, I'M LOOKING AT YOU AND YOU LITTLE PIECES OF FUCKING SHIT! BECAUSE GUESS WHAT THE FUCK IS BIG, SCALY, AND HAS HORNS! ME YOU FUCKS! TIME TO GET THE HORNS FOR KILLING MY FUCKING DAUGHTER!"

You grab the nearest elf.

Roll me a 1d20+5 for BRUTALITY.
Additional +4 for puns about ripping out hearts and impaling.

Critical Success if anons can make it more brutal.
And have a pun.
>>
Rolled 19 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>868867
>>
Rolled 8 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>868867
>IT SURE MUST BE TEARING YOUR HEART TO OUT KNOWING YOU'LL DIE FOR BREAKING MY HEART AND KILLING MY DAUGHTER

Then rip him in half and impale each half on our horns like sick twisted adornments and say.

>LETTING ANOTHER MAN RUN YOU THROUGH? WHAT ARE YOU A FAGGOT?
>>
Rolled 7 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>868867

>I SHOULD TELL YOU NOW, I'M A HEART BREAKER BABY!

Tear off the arms and legs, use it as a blunt object for beating an elf to death until it's head is caved in. Then we rip out the elf's guts, and strangle the fucker with it's small intestine. Then we rip off the elf's head, then scream out

>BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOOD GAAAASHGHGHAAAAAGH!!!!
>>
>>868867
No puns, only foaming at the mouth and whipping our head around and goring people.
>>
>>868903

Brutal anons? Yea or nay?
>>
This is some Dwarf Fortress level of gore anons.

18+ or older please.

"I SHOULD TELL YOU I'M A HEART BREAKER BABY!" You say, as you begin to foam heavily at the mouth, breathing steam. The person in your arm is fucking terrified. You proceed to rip his heart out, force it down his throat, and only become more blood-crazy, as you rip him in half.

"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!"

You yell as you impale him on your horns, and rip off the head. Which catches on fire.
Nice work Khorne. Nice timing.

Right now, foam is running down your mouth like a waterfall as you twitch angrily, and laugh demonically...

The rest of the elves are FUCKING TERRIFIED and run for it. You decide to add more skulls for the skull throne, and more body parts for your horn, as you breath heavily through your nostrils, and lower your body to charge the elves...

Roll me a 1d20+6 for CHARGING.
Additonal +4 if you can do brutal things to the elves that get impaled or in grappling range.

Additional +3 for horn puns and jokes.
>>
Rolled 19 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>868932
>>
Rolled 1 + 13 (1d20 + 13)

>>868932
Impale them in the stomach grab their legs and pull down. Rip them right in half

>Sorry to say but I get rough when I'm horny.
>>
Critical Failure...

So.

Use Barbaric while your already ANGRY AS FUCK?

>Yes. How much angrier can we get?
>Press F to Pay respects to Elves.
>Nah. The Elves NEED a win at some point.
>Elven Lives Matter.
>>
>>868944
Wew
>>868954
>Press F to Pay respects to Elves.
>>
Rolled 9 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>868932

For ones that get impaled: tear them off to where they lose their lower body. Breath ice up it's body to turn it into a sack full of glass-brittle organs and frozen blood.

Those in grappling range: rip their skin off and feed it to them. Then have the elves act as wishbones, split them in half by their legs

>>868944

Goddamn it.

>>868954

>Yes. How much angrier can we get?

WE MUST!
>>
>>868954
>Nah. The Elves NEED a win at some point.

>>868944
I feel as though this is poetic justice. We've been talking about Ren being less horny and when someone makes a horny pun we get a nat 1.
>>
Press F to pay respects to elves.

Roll me a 1d20+6 for getting ANGRY AS FUCKING SCOTSMAN.

Additional +4 if you can think about things that get you angry.

I'd say Ren is as angry as an Angry Marine. Not as angry as Angron...
But we're getting there.
>>
Rolled 19 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>868972

We must think about Smaug
>>
Rolled 8 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>868972
>Not having butter
>Elven terrorists
.When buttons won't fucking button
>Smaug
>>
Rolled 10 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>868972
Angron's real name is Angronius
>>
>>868977

Also think about furries, scalies, people who hate butter, Liz's ex, fucking elves, kebabs and commies
>>
19+10=29

Good Success!

You think about not having enough butter, FUCKING SMAUG, and MOTHERFUCKING TERRORISTS... Then you think about MOTHERFUCKING FAGGOT FURRIES AND SCALIES, DOUCHEBAGS WHO FUCKKING HATE BUTTER! LIZ'S FUCKING EX!!!! KEBABS AND MOTHERFUCKING COMMUNISTS!!!!!!!!

You emit a loud "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE".

So you charge.
ANGRY AS FUCK.

You impale nearly twelve elves, and are so rough that their entire lower body is completely gone, and are so angry that you accidently breathe fire, setting their bodies alight, and their organs droop over your horns like christmas ornaments. Also, at this point your mouth is overflowing with foam, and you are nearly choking on it. But who cares?

After steamrolling two more elves into a fine paste, you see a female elf looking right at you... Confused, most likely because your so covered in blood. You barely recognize her as the woman that Sherman tried to hit on.

Actions

>BRUTALLY KILL HER!
>Hold it, hold it. You don't hurt women. Even if they're terrorists. Just throw her into a wall to knock her out.
>Yell "Your a slut!" and headbutt her.
>...Rush by, and slap her on the ass.
>Lock on with your horns. (Specify to aim at any body parts!)
>Grab her as you rush by!
>...BODY SLAM THAT BITCH!
>Eh, might as well eat SOMEONE for Khorne to eternally torment. Nom her.
>Make train noises. There are no breaks. And go FASTER.
>Try to miss her and yell "m'lady" as you rush by!
>Extend your hand. You'll be nice. And give her a bitchslap worth a thousand words.
>...Yell it's high noon.
>Write-In
>>
>>869030
>...Yell it's high noon.
>Hold it, hold it. You don't hurt women. Even if they're terrorists. Just throw her into a wall to knock her out.
>>
>...Rush by, and slap her on the ass.
>Try to miss her and yell "m'lady" as you rush by!
>>
>>869030
>Hold it, hold it. You don't hurt women. Even if they're terrorists. Just throw her into a wall to knock her out.
>>
>>869030
>...Rush by, and slap her on the ass.
>>
>>869041
>...Rush by, and slap her on the ass.
>Try to miss her and yell "m'lady" as you rush by!
I'll switch to this.
But I still want to yell that it's high noon.
>>
File: image.jpg (99 KB, 600x382)
99 KB
99 KB JPG
>>869030

Also, found a perfect picture to summarize the elves' situation.
>>
Ren may be an angry dragon. But even he doesn't hurt women. Huh.

You rush her... And you decide not to hurt her.
But you do yell something.

"M'LADY IT"S HIGH FUCKING NOON!"

"Wh-"

You forcibly slap her by the ass and grab it for a minute (groping her just a little, you are a mature adult after all). and you throw her face first into a wall, knocking her out.

You continue to charge down the hallway, and see a sign saying "WET FLOORS".

Dear god.
Your naturally enemy.

You also see a rather elderly elven janitor whistling obliviously as the avatar of death, groping, and destruction is charging down the hallway, as he mops the floor.

"Wew. To think, I'm only a day away from retirement."

He turns to see you rushing at him, and he slowly steps out of the way like he's seen this a thousand times.

You of course, jump over the wet floor and avoid harming the senior citizen janitor... When you see a nice bar full of drunken elves. In fact, one unfortunate elf seems to be laughing at you, with one of his friends, who seems to be a woman.. Both are drunk.

"Hey man... You see that scaly thing. Looks like to be your mom."

"Oh fuck off... Looks like your mom." The elven woman says, as she takes a sip of hard liquor from a bottle, not realizing her doom coming.

Actions

>...Charge the elven guy!
>Charge BOTH of them!
>Charge the female! And steal her alcohol!
>Swerve INTO the bar!
>...Slap the woman on the ass as you charge her/charge by.
>Freeze both of them into elven Popsicles!
>Write-In for ideas!
>>
>>869089
>Charge BOTH of them!
>>
>>869085
This picture sums up what an elf is thinking currently.
>>869089
>...Charge the elven guy!
>...Slap the woman on the ass as you charge her/charge by.
Charge by.
>>
>>869089

>...Slap the woman on the ass as you charge her/charge by.

>...Charge the elven guy!

Just grab him and let out a roar so terrifying he'll empty his bowels and piss himself before fainting like an elven bitch
>>
File: 1476335717879.jpg (97 KB, 550x512)
97 KB
97 KB JPG
>>869105
Captcha ate my picture.
>>
You charge the elven guy... And decide to slap yet another woman on the ass.

What do to the elf about to be fucked?

Actions.

>Par for the course. Impalement.
>Grab him... And terrify the shit out of him. Make him a little bitch.
>...Grab him and throw him into the fucking bar. This won't kill him.
>Grab him, and tear him in half!
>BRUTALLY kill him!
>Body slam that little bitch!
>...Act like your about to hit him, until he flinches... And swerve to go into the bar.
>Force the two elves to kiss. Who says you can't be a bit of a lovemaker?
>Punch him in the fucking face. It may or may not kill him.
>Headbutt him.
>Use a breath?
>...Solaire, charge up the laser.
>Write-In
>>
>>869119

>...Grab him and throw him into the fucking bar. This won't kill him.

>DON'T MAKE ME FUCK YOU UP AS BADLY AS I FUCKED YOUR MOM! POSSIBLY.
>>
>>869140

Was....was it something I said?

Oh! And

>Grab him... And terrify the shit out of him. Make him a little bitch.

This first
>>
>>869140
This.
>>
>>869119
>...Grab him and throw him into the fucking bar. This won't kill him.
>>
>>869119
Oh and I forgot.
>Steal his waifu.
Because he's a beta elven faggot.
>>
>>869172

Or if we want to be TRULY evil, IF they're in a relationship.

N...T...R
>>
You grab him by the foot as you spank his friend's ass, and grope her a little bit... Soft. She seems stunned and confused.

"DON'T MAKE ME FUCK YOU UP AS BADLY AS I FUCKED YOUR MOM! POSSIBLY!"

"Wh-what? I don't know what your saying!" He seems a little scared.

Roll me a 1d20+5 to make him a little bitch. Additional +4 if you can terrify him by doing something. Additional +3 if you can steal his waifu before his very eyes barbarically.
>>
Rolled 18 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>869172
>>869181
Guys, we're trying to be mature here. We can slaughter all the Elves but we don't want anymore bastard children running around.>>869188
>>
Rolled 17 + 12 (1d20 + 12)

>>869188
Roar in his face.
Then forcefully make out with his waifu.
>>
Nah, I don't think it's tumbling. I'm just limiting it to "More alpha then you.", no tumbling this time since Ren is trying to be mature.

You roar in his face (which becomes a burp), and you can see that he just... Nearly vomits from the smell of your breath. You then forcibly make out with his waifu.

He curls up into a little ball, and you toss him throw the door easily. Suck on that.

You of course give his a kiss woman to the cheek and a spank on the ass and go into the bar... Where a LOT of elves are looking at you, angry. And they seem to be drunk. One guy next to you however, is not intoxicated, and is slowly backing away...

Roll me a 1d20+2 to intimidate the bar. Additional +4 if you can kill the elf next to you in a gory and brutal method. Additional +2 if you just decide to knock the elf out.
However, you get a +1 (A +2 if you can make it gory!) if you can use nearby stuff to kill/knock him out, which is a table, another elf, a bottle of alcohol, a ceiling lamp, a few chairs, a candle or two... And you.
>>
Rolled 6 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>869219
Jump up, rip out the ceiling fan and slam dunk it on the elf.
>>
Rolled 17 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>869219
It's a slippery slope and I don't trust the people of this quest judging from past experience. It's reminiscent of when we found and took Kutyvoka but here there's more of a chance to tumble.
>>
>>869230
Don't worry, I'll use the magical weapon...

QM VETO.

17+9=26

Good Success!

You jump up, elevating yourself with a flap of your wings... Ripping out the ceiling lamp, and slam-dunking it on the elf, who is knocked the fuck out. Everyone else is intimidated by this, and begins to get out of their seating... All but one guy, who seems to be drinking a bottle of... Salmiakki.

Actions

>...Kill the knocked out elf!
>...Your inner scot is telling you to drink as much alcohol you can. Listen to it?
>...All this alcohol in one place... Hm.. Breathe fire and maybe cause an explosion?
>Go up to the bartender.
>...Prepare to beat the shit out of the elves. And kill them, maybe...
>...Offer the elves a chance to become your slaves, and you totally won't kick the shit out of them.
>Go up to the "tough guy." How dare he not get intimidated by you.
>Write-In
>>
>>869254
>...Offer the elves a chance to become your slaves, and you totally won't kick the shit out of them.
We need more slaves anyways
>>
>>869254
>...Offer the elves a chance to become your slaves, and you totally won't kick the shit out of them.
We do need to beat our mom and more slaves is always a good thing with Vampires about.
>>
You decide to offer the elves a chance to become your slaves.

Roll me a 1d20+4. Additional +4 if you can beat the shit out of another elf. And finally, a +2 if you can give them a good Khornate reason not to remain freemen, and become your slaves.
A +1 if you can envy your mom for having more slaves.
And if you do that, a +1 if you can remind yourself why you love her in the first place.
>>
>>869257
>>869260

Anons, I have a fine message we can send to the rest of the elves for this shit once we're done.

Who all wants to hear it?
>>
Rolled 6 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>869273
>>869279
Sure.
>>
Rolled 13 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>869273
>You can either become my slaves where you will most likely not die or you can continue to oppose me in which case you will all surely die,
>>
Rolled 8 + 12 (1d20 + 12)

>>869283

"You have made a fatal error, you. Killed. My. Daughter. I will no longer be in a playful mood, I will come for you. I will kill your blood, your friends, your beasts. I will kill the flowers in your home and the trees in your tiny fields. I will visit such death upon whatever is yours that your very name will be remembered only in curses and tales of terror."
>>
Rolled 14 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>869279
Speak.
>>869273
Grab an elves head and squeeze till it pops.

And have envy that our mom has more slaves but remember she makes us cookies and generally cares about us.
>>
>>869295
>>869296

I have spoken
>>
You grab a nearby elf's head, and squeeze it until it explodes in gore.

"NOW FUCKING LISTEN UP! YOU MADE A FUCKING FATAL ERROR AND THAT WAS TO KILL MY DAUGHTER! I AM NOT IN A FUCKING PLAYFUL MOOD!"

You toss the elf's corpse into a table, breaking it.

"I WILL FUCKING KILL YOUR FRIENDS, ANIMALS, FUCKING FLOWERS, AND TREES IN YOUR LITTLE SHITTY FIELDS! I WILL VISIT SO MUCH DEATH THAT YOUR VERY NAME WILL REMEMBER ONLY IN CURSES AND TALES OF FUCKING TERROR!"

The elves seem terrified, even the guy in the corner who's just drinking salmakki.

This is when you hear running down the hallway, and an alarm going off...

The elves cower before you, as you hear security running towards you. You go outside... Slamming the door shut. And locking it. You see six rag-tag elves with guns aiming at you, and take aim..

Roll me a 1d20+7 to resist bullets.
>>
Rolled 8 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>869313
Good thing we up armored the Dragotaur form.
>>
Rolled 9 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>869313

Also, how is Khorne reacting to this?
>>
Rolled 10 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>869313
Laugh while they shoot.
>>
10+7=17

Success!

The bullets just ping off of you and you just laugh. Bullets haven't even tickled for YEARS.

Eventually, you just wait until they have to reload.

Actions

>Now it's your turn. CHARGE THEM HEAD ON!
>Just walk towards them. And grab the nearest elf.
>Just laugh hysterically.
>So.. Anyone up for becoming a little bitch and becoming my slave instead of dying a painful death?
>Write-In
>>
>>869313

Where are the other locations of Dominion? I remember Mexico is one, not the others.

Also where's Claw?
>>
>>869329
>Just laugh hysterically.
>Just walk towards them. And grab the nearest elf.
>>869334
He's raising children with his concubines.
>>
>>869329

>Just laugh hysterically.

Laughing mad
>>
>>869341

Alright, I was wondering.
>>
>>869329
>So.. Anyone up for becoming a little bitch and becoming my slave instead of dying a painful death?
>>
You laugh hysterically... And go to grab the nearest elf by the head. He seems terrified of you.

"D-don't eat me! I'm thin! I'm not juicy at all!"

"REALLY?!"

He seems to cry a little.

"I haven't read Lord of the Rings yet!" He cries at this point.

Actions

>Nom. It's not that you want to eat him. It's just that Khorne loves souls.
>Oh, shit. That is a good book. Just punch him in the face and knock him out.
>...Prepare to body slam him.
>...BRUTALLY KILL HIM!
>Just roar in his face. Fucking little pussy.
>Put him on the ground. Then smash him by stepping on him.
>HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MY FUCKING BITCHBOY SLAVE?!
>Headbutt him.
>ARE YOU ELVES THIS PUSSY?! GET ME A REAL MAN!
>Just toss him away.
>Write-In
>>
>>869356
>Swear to become my slave and you can read your fucking lord of the rings. But if you betray me I will eat you.
>Anyone else smart enough to give up an become my slaves yet?
>>
>>869356

>"I haven't read Lord of the Rings yet!"

Kek

>ARE YOU ELVES THIS PUSSY?! GET ME A REAL MAN!
>HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MY FUCKING BITCHBOY SLAVE?!
>>
>>869363
This
>>
"SWEAR TO BECOME MY BITCHBOY SLAVE AND YOU CAN READ THE GREAT FUCKING BOOK. BETRAY ME AND I WILL FUCKING EAT YOU. ANYONE ELSE SMART ENOUGH?!"

The rest of the elves shoot at you.

Roll me a 1d20+5 to brutally kill the elves. Additional +4 if you can make the pussy elf disgusted or terrified of you by killing the other elves brutally and gorily.
Additional +2 if you can use your horns to kill or disfigure them.
>>
Rolled 3 + 11 (1d20 + 11)

>>869386
Ah I see.
They're choosing the hard way.
Grab one and use our horns to split one vertically right down the middle and use the remains to beat down the other elves.
>>
Rolled 7 + 11 (1d20 + 11)

>>869386

Let's take the most flammable alcohol here, rip out an elf's eye after impaling it with one of our horns, pour it in the hole, then breath fire inside it, step back and admire our work.
>>
Rolled 15 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>869386
I kind of want to get going soon. We've spent several hours just killing Elves in brutal fashion. We still have to go to the ball and find a place to put Maria's dead body.
>>
15+11=26

Good Success!

You of course, grab a nearby elf to split vertically right down the middle and you use the remains to beat down the other elves...

This does sort of send you into a blood frenzy though, as you charge down the hallway looking for enemies.

Roll me a 1d20+7 for generally rampaging around the base! Additional +5 if you can come up with brutal kills!
>>
Rolled 5 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>869416
Impale elves on your claws and use them as finger puppets.
>>
Rolled 11 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>869416
>>
Rolled 17 + 12 (1d20 + 12)

>>869416
Freeze their heads solid then shatter them
>>
Rolled 19 + 12 (1d20 + 12)

>>869416

I'd like to go with my previous killing suggestion for one. >>869403


And also rip out an elf's spine and use it to whip other elves to death with it.
>>
You wake up... The walls around you are covered in blood, and there's a small mountain of skulls your on. And a small altar to Khorne. Along with Khornate symbols covering the wall, dead impaled elves... Both on the wall, your horns, and your claws... Not to mention frozen body parts, and... Wow, you are covered in a LOT of blood.
And organs.
And... Is that a person impaled on your tail? And why do your feet have blood on them, and smashed elf...
And why are you holding an elf's spine like a whip?

And you have a few terrified elven slaves in the corner.

Man. It's good to be a dragon who's BFFs with Khorne.

Actions

>...Order the slaves to worship you. Why not?
>...Check what time it is.
>...You should uh, probably take care of the khornate symbol and altar. And apologize to Khorne.
>You need to clean yourself.. The ball is probably coming up soon.
>...Get going to the ball. It's probably in a little while.
>Order the slaves to get you some alcohol.
>Order the slaves to take your daughter's corpse in a freezer back to Sweden. Now.
>...Ask if Khorne would be ok with the slaves worshiping you as his "demigod" or something.
>Take a nap. Killing and slaying elves is hard work.
>...Eh. You feel like hunting down the survivors. Why not?
>...Summon Blondi. Maybe he can take some skulls back to Khorne.
>Write-In
>>
>>869470

>...Summon Blondi. Maybe he can take some skulls back to Khorne.

And for petting him

>You need to clean yourself.. The ball is probably coming up soon.

>Order the slaves to take your daughter's corpse in a freezer back to Sweden. Now.
>>
>>869470
>...Order the slaves to worship you. Why not?
>You need to clean yourself.. The ball is probably coming up soon.
We should also take our daughters corpse,slaves, and blackguard to sweden
>>
>>869470
>...Check what time it is.
>You need to clean yourself.. The ball is probably
coming up soon.
>Order the slaves to take your daughter's corpse in a freezer back to Sweden. Now.
>>
"Slaves. Worship me, for I am your god!"

The slaves hesitantly obey worshiping you... Muahahaha... You do feel Khorne get slightly offended by this. But doesn't really protest at all.

Hey uh... I got a Cease and Desist from his secretary.

Really?

Yeah... You might want to look at it later. Just saying.

You also summon Blondi to pet for a few minutes. Just a few. You have work to do.
He barks happily from seeing you do so much FUN! After a bit, you desummon him... But not before loading his puppy back with as many skulls as you can. Hopefully Khorne is pleased...

You sense Blondi has become stronger from your slaughter! You resummon him, and see he's about... Oh, the size of a bloodhound. But can also still go to puppy form. Adorable.

You desummon him again, much more pleased...

You then order the slaves to take your daughter's corpse back to Sweden, and tell the Blackguard to mentally warn you if any try to escape.

Finally... You check what time it is.
And holy shit, it's about... Three hours from the ball.

FUCK.

Actions

>You don't have time to get clean! Go now!
>...Fuck, take a dive in the ocean. Maybe you'll get clean. A little.
>Meh. She'll like the "covered in gore" theme you have going.
>...At least take the people off your horns.
>Fuck it, fly there as soon as you can, and maybe you can take a bath. And if your really lucky... With Elizabeth.
>Dive into the ocean. It'll take a while to get clean, and you'll be quite late.
>Take your slaves home personally. It'll without a doubt make you more late.
>...Wait, Fenrir... Khorne's Secretary is in this dimension? Cool.
>Write-In
>>
>>869505
>Fuck it, fly there as soon as you can, and maybe you can take a bath. And if your really lucky... With Elizabeth.
>>
>>869505
>...Fuck, take a dive in the ocean. Maybe you'll get clean. A little.
>...At least take the people off your horns.
>>
>...Wait, Fenrir... Khorne's Secretary is in this dimension? Cool.

We should meet the Secretary soon.

>Fuck it, fly there as soon as you can, and maybe you can take a bath. And if your really lucky... With Elizabeth.

On a side note, after thinking over places where Nurglites would be. I thought up some locations where they'd be at.
>>
>>869520
There are no Nurglites here since Nurgle has no influence in this world.
>>
>>869520

Should we ever get news that Nurglites start popping up
>>
You stick the people off your horns and begin to fly urgently to the ball...

So, Fenrir... Khorne's secretary is in this dimension?

Yeah. She can't really get summoned though, there's just not enough worship of Khorne to even supply her.

Oh. What did she send in the Cease and Desist?

Well... Mostly to cease and desist on treading on the Khorne Shrine™ because our slaves were worshiping you at his Shrine.

...Oh.

She did say though that she won't sue us because Khorne said that it's "fine" but to send us a warning. He's also greatly pleased by our slaughter apparently, and is execited by the fact he can "Finally fucking summon a bloodthirster".

Oh.

...She's uh. She also sent you a smiley face and wishing us luck at the ball. Also, to keep up the good work...

Cool.

You begin to fly over Scotland to the ball... By Jupiter, you hope you get there early...

HEY! IT'S ME. KHORNE.

Hey, what's up?

You can tell that Khorne seems... Well, excited.

JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU PERSONALLY FOR KILLING ELVES, GIVING ME THEIR SKULLS, AND EXPANDING MY CULT. NOW I CAN FINALLY GET A ACTUAL DAEMON.... THANKS. GOT ANY PLACES YOU WANT DISRUPTED? BECAUSE I HAVE A FUCKING BLOODTHIRSTER, HELL YEAH.

Actions

>...That's cool, I guess.
>Just a bloodthirster?
>...Just a word of advice, don't put it in Sweden or it's fucking dead.
>...Can you please not put it in Sweden?
>Nice. I'm happy for you. I guess.
>...Please don't. I don't want daemons in this world.
>...Can you put it in your OTHER dimension?
>Just a uh... Question. Is it female?
>Why are you telling me this?
>...So uh... Got any gifts for your champion?
>Tell him a place to send the Bloodthirster... (Specify. Like a location like one of the Elven Dominion camps, or a country.)
>...Could you let me control the daemon? I bet I can get a LOT of damage with it.
>Write-In
>>
>>869651
>Tell him a place to send the Bloodthirster... (Specify. Like a location like one of the Elven Dominion camps, or a country.)
The Elven Dominion camp in Mexico.
>>
>>869651
And ask khorne if he can have the disruptor not touch our bastard child Cortez
>>
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>>869651
>...Please don't. I don't want daemons in this world.
Nope
>>
>>869667
We should probably ask if he can just not put a daemon in our world firstly.
>>
>>869659
This.
>>
>>869659
>>869680
This is going to have a spill over effect. Eventually there's going to be Khornate cults out of our influence roaming Mexico and eventually other parts of the America's. This could serve as a gateway for just more chaos infestation.
>>
Send it to the Elven Dominion camp in Mexico, please. But can you not put a daemon in my world?

WELL, DUE TO BULLSHIT CELESTIAL LAWS, I CAN ONLY PUT ONE DOWN AT THE REQUEST OF A MORTAL, UNDER THE COMMAND OF A MORTAL, AND ONLY FOR A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF TIME, THE MORE POWERFUL THE MORE LIMITED THE TIME. FUCKING SLAANESH AND TZEENTCH HOWEVER, SOMEHOW GOT PAST THAT SHIT.

Seriously, please don't.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH DAEMONS AND YOU MORTALS...

Wait, is Blondi limited by the time limit?

NAH. HE'S A "AGENT" RATHER THEN A "DAEMON OR ANGEL" OR SHIT LIKE THAT. SO HE'S IGNORED. UNLESS HE BECOMES ABSURDLY POWERFUL. AND I'M NO WHERE NEAR BEING POWERFUL ENOUGH TO BREAK CELESTIAL LAW.

Actions

>...Fine, I guess you can put it in Mexico for a bit, since your so happy.
>Sorry? I guess...
>...Thank Jupiter you can't summon all the daemons.
>...So what your saying is that you need ME to tell you where to put your daemons?
>...Well, sucks for you then. You might want to do something else with those souls.
>So at any time I can summon a bloodthirster to help? Cool.
>...Just curious, can I see this bloodthirster? I want to see him. Or her.
>Write-In
>>
>>869687
Yeah that's why I changed my vote
>>869688
>Daemons tend to spread the influence of chaos. I'm trying to curb that.
>Sorry? I guess...
>>
>>869688
>...So what your saying is that you need ME to tell you where to put your daemons?
>>
>>869695
This.
If we have a choice over where all the demons go, we can butter up all the territories that we want to conquer.
>>
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>>869704
It's obviously bait to spread chaos in the world and strengthen it's influence.
We shouldn't fall for this bait.
It's low quality anyways and we can conquer nations by gitting gud.
>>
So what your saying is that you need ME to tell you where to put your daemons?

BASICALLY. OR UNTIL I GET A MORE POWERFUL FOLLOWER.

Well, that'll be a while, won't it.

IF YOU STONEWALL ME THOUGH, I'LL JUST TAKE YOU OFF THE LIST AS A FOLLOWER. LEAVE IT TO SOME RANDOM MORTAL.

What's considered stonewalling?

BASICALLY IF YOU WON'T GIVE MY DAEMONS OUT TIME OF THE WARP TO GET A SKULL OR TWO. OR AT LEAST GO OUTSIDE SO I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEIR BITCHING.

If you don't want to listen to their bitching, why create them?

...IT GIVES ME GOOD STOCK IN SOULS. BESIDES, WHAT'S A DAEMONIC GOD WITHOUT DAEMONS? THAT'S LIKE HAVING A WARRIOR WITHOUT A GIANT FUCKING SWORD. IT JUST DOESN'T WORK.

...Nice. More work to do.

HEY, IF YOU STONEWALL ME JUST GIVE ME A GOOD REASON. AND NONE OF THIS "CHAOS IS BAD FOR PEOPLE" BULLSHIT I KEEP HEARING ABOUT. IT'S GREAT FOR PEOPLE.

You just sigh...

...If your a barbarian.

WELL, MOST MEN IN THIS AGE SEEM TO BE PUSSIES ANYWAYS. SOMEONE HAS TO BE COOL...

...Right. So, how's changing how your worship goes?[r/ed]

...ACTUALLY GETTING BETTER. I GOT THE TITLE OF "GOD OF SPORTS" LAST NIGHT. ALL IN EXCHANGE FOR "GOD OF WOLVES."

...Really? So now your not the god of wolves?[r/ed]

NO, NOT REALLY. IT WAS JUST SOMETHING TZEENTCH TRICKED ME INTO. HE FUCKING SAID SPECIFICALLY THAT I COULD HAVE COOL AS FUCK "HALF-HUMAN HALF-WOLF" PEOPLE... AND THAT JUST WENT DOWN THE DRAIN ONCE I SAW HE TRIED TO PAWN THE SAME THING ON SLAANESH'S DIRTY FUCKING TITS. THAT ONLY GAVE HIM INSPIRATION. I FUCKING NEVER WANTED THAT TITLE. NO. FUCK THAT. SPORTS CAN'T BE POSSIBLY BE CORRUPTED BY SLAANESH, RIGHT?

I hope not...

Actions

>...Well, it's nice your trying to adapt to the modern era.
>...At least your TRYING to not cause the fall of civilization.
>So... Just by playing sports you get worship?
>...So uh... Got any other titles?
>That's nice. See you later, Khorne.
>...Now I'm just imagining you looking like a giant football coach.
>...So if you got rid of the title, why is Blondi still an adorable doggo? Wouldn't you have to change something?
>...Slaanesh is into EVERYTHING Khorne.
>Write-In
>>
>>869738
>That's nice. See you later, Khorne.
>>
>>869746
This.
>>
That's nice, I guess. See you later, Khorne.

YEAH... HEY, COULD I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

What?

WELL, SINCE I'M THE GOD OF SPORTS NOW... COULD YOU DEDICATE SOMETHING TO ME? THAT WOULD REALLY HELP.

Oh.

YEAH. LIKE A GIANT BLOOD COLOSSEUM, OR A DEATH PIT. OR JUST A FOOTBALL FIELD. THAT'S... THAT'S OK, I GUESS.

Actions

>Sure, I guess...
>Any consequence of doing so?
>No. Sorry.
>...Hey uh... Why are we friends at all? I mean, to be frank, I don't really give a shit about you getting a cool new daemon, which will only corrupt my world further.
>Yeah, sorry... I got to go, ok?
>...Is your secretary there? I want to talk to her.
>...I got to go, sorry. Tell your secretary that I said hi, please.
>Write-In
>>
>>869778
>Any consequence of doing so?
>>
>>869778
>We can make a rugby stadium, I guess.
>...Is your secretary there? I want to talk to her.
>>
Any consequence of doing so?

NAH. JUST GIVES ME SOMETHING TO WATCH w ANYWAYS, I FINALLY GOT YOU SOMETHING FOR KHORNESMAS. ENJOY IT.

...What?

YEAH. YOU'LL LIKE IT... I ERH... YOU KNOW HOW YOU ATE BUENOS AIRES?

Yeah?

IT COST ME THAT ENTIRE CITY TO GIVE YOU THIS BABY. YOU'LL FUCKING LOVE IT...

Sweet.

YEAH. SINCE YOU'VE BEEN A GOOD KHORNATE THIS YEAR. AND YOUR KIDS TOO, I GUESS. DON'T KNOW WHAT TO REALLY GET THEM THOUGH.

Yeah. Anyway... Can I talk to your secretary?

SORRY. SHE DOESN'T TAKE PERSONAL CALLS WHILE WORKING.

Actions

>...So uh, are you coming over still for Christmas? I mean, I remember asking you.
>...Please? Come on. I rarely remember to call her when she's not busy.
>...When does she get off?
>...Can I have a hint for what it is?
>It better not be one of your mutations again?
>...Is it an axe?
>Let me guess, it's a gun.
>...Is it war-related?
>Write-In
>>
>>869797
>I got to go, ok?
>>
I'm getting some sleep anons. I'll wait for two more votes.
>>
>>869797
>...When does she get off?
>>
>>869797
>I got to go, ok?
>>
>>869797

>...So uh, are you coming over still for Christmas? I mean, I remember asking you.
>...When does she get off?
>>
So... Are you coming over for Christmas?

MAYBE. I'LL POSSESS ONE OF MY FOLLOWERS.

Nice. So... When does she get off?

TOMORROW.

Cool... I got to go, ok?

YEAH. SEE YOU.

You hang up and finally fly your way to the ball... But you take a quick dive in the ocean, getting SOME blood off you... You finally get to the location the ball is at, and you see Elizabeth flying in the distance...

What form are you attending in?

>Your dragotaur form...
>Minotaur form.
>Half-dragon form. You'd rather be actually able to dance with Liz.
>Human form. Though you have noticable stubby legs.
>Elf form.
>Dragon form. You'll find a way to dance. Somehow.
>..Dragonblood form.
>Drow form?
>Halfling form.
>Write-In
>>
>>870928
>Half-dragon form. You'd rather be actually able to dance with Liz.
>>
>>870928
>Half-dragon form. You'd rather be actually able to dance with Liz.
Anyone else have any tech ideas for revolutionizing our industry?
I am sure of hydroponics for farming but we should probably get into robotics to automate production.
>>
You shift to your half-dragon form, and Liz lands in front of you, also in her half-dragon form.

"Ren, it's good to... Do you smell that?"

"What?"

"...No offense, but you smell... Terrible. And is that organs on your horns?" She seems a little disgusted.

"...I erh... Yeah."

"Take a bath, please. There's one upstairs, second corridor, and on the third room on your left, please... I'd rather you not scare everyone off from your terrible smell..."

Actions

>...It's not that bad Liz.
>Thanks Liz, I'll go take on right now.
>...Hey, Liz... If you want, we could take a bath together. I mean, it's an hour and thirty minutes until the ball starts.
>Who cares what I smell like, Liz?
>...Want to hug for a minute, Liz?
>Just saying, you owe me something after this dance...
>Write-In
>>
>>870960
>Thanks Liz, I'll go take one right now.
>>
>>870960
>Thanks Liz, I'll go take on right now.
We need to get clean.
>>
"Thanks Liz. I'll go take on right now."

You rush off to take a bath, and after nearly an hour of deep scrubbing, you come back out, and don't smell like you've been massacring elves. You find Elizabeth, who of course, stays close to you, staying in a holding hands scenario, but also a hug scenario, which she leans on your side... Her pregnant gut seems to be unnoticeable under her dress.

You also slightly note she gives a deathglare at any and all women that approach you.

Actions

>...Talk to Liz?
>Wait until the ball starts. (Timeskip)
>...Talk to the voices in your head, like Flames, Fenrir, and Solaire.
>...Maybe you should talk to a god while you wait...
>...Slap Elizabeth on her ass. Or at least put your hand on her ass.
>...Elizabeth, can you stop giving deathstares to the females at this ball? Please?
>...Can you let go a little?
>Write-In
>>
>>871007
>...Maybe you should talk to a god while you wait...
Maybe try to get into contact with Venus and talk about that Daemonette.
>>
>>871007
>...Maybe you should talk to a god while you wait...
Yea we did try to turn her towards Venus.
>>
You decide to contact Venus.

Hello? Who is this? This is Venus. Says a rather charming female voice.

This is Renexizious.

Oh, hello. Sorry about not recognizing you. I'm Venus, goddess of love, beauty, sex, fertility, prosperity, victory, and desire. Just don't think I'm somesort of prostitute, many of your modern "scholars" somehow think being a goddess that just so happens to have a sphere in sex, fertility and love means I'm a goddess of prostitutes... You hear her sigh in disappointment.

So you aren't all about free sex?

What? No.... And I must say, Renexizious... You have quite the record in being a rather... Sexually active man. She says, with slight displeasure.

Is that a problem?

...Perhaps. But, we're not here to talk about why I do not agree with your choices... What did you want?

Actions

>...Well, you see... There's this quite lustful, beautiful... And compassionate Daemonette...
>So are you saying polygamy is considered bad?
>...What do you mean sexually active?
>Oh, by Jupiter... Your like God and his monogamous bunch?
>I love the women I love, Venus. You of all people should be ok with that.
>...I'm sorry about the rape, ok? I'm trying to make up for it...
>Not my fault I love every single woman on earth.
>Write-In
>>
>>871102
>...Well, you see... There's this quite lustful, beautiful... And compassionate Daemonette...
Her name is Vasura I think.
>>
>>871102
>...Well, you see... There's this quite lustful, beautiful... And compassionate Daemonette...
>>
Well, you see... There's this quite lustful, beautiful, and compassionate Daemonette. Her name is Vasura.

A strange name... Not as strange as yours. Now, what do you want from that that's regarding her?

Actions

>...Is there any chance you could turn her into a angel or daemon, but for you?
>...I was wondering if there was any way to contain her hedonistic soul.
>I was wondering... Could I potentially have kids with a daemon?
>So... Does tumbling her get me any chaos taint?
>I was curious... Is there any way you could protect her from Slaanesh's wrath?
>Write-In
>>
>>871142
>...Is there any chance you could turn her into a angel or daemon, but for you?
>>
>>871142
>...Is there any chance you could turn her into a angel or daemon, but for you?
>>
>>871146
This.
#DaemonLivesMatter
>>
Is there any way you could turn her into an angel or daemon but for you?

...Unlikely. I don't nearly have enough power.

Oh.

Besides, the last thing I want is open warfare with the Chaos Pantheon...

Oh...

I'm sorry. I just can't do that... Now, is there anything else I could help you with? She sounds sincere, and a little sad...

...Well... Mind if I ask why you sound so sincere right now? I thought you disliked me?

I find forbidden love to be romantic. Sorry. I'm getting a little teary eyed... Did you need anything else?

Actions

>Well, thank you for your time,Venus.
>...Well... Seems like I need to get more followers for you.
>...Talk to another god? Like Saturn? You should see if he can give you some more crops...
>Talk to another god, like... Vulkan. Yeah. You want to see what he can give you.
>...So on a empire wide scale, what can you give me if you become powerful?
>Write-In
>>
>>871175
>Well, thank you for your time,Venus.
>Talk to another god, like... Vulkan. Yeah. You want to see what he can give you.
>>
>>871175
>Well, thank you for your time,Venus.
>Talk to another god, like... Vulkan. Yeah. You want to see what he can give you.
>>
Well, thanks for your time, Venus.

You decide to then talk to Vulkan... You feel warm, like there's a forge right in front of you. Toasty.

Hello?

...Hi? What do you want?

I'm Renexizious. Nice to meet you, Vulkan.

Hi. Name's Vulkan. If I don't talk much, it's because I'm busy.

What are you working on?

...Nothing besides making a bigger armory for Mars. I'm just hammering a fucking anvil to make guns, because I have nothing better to do.

Low on worship, eh?

You got it.

Actions

>...So, mind if I ask what you can get me if I provide worship to you?
>...That must be a dull existence, hammering an anvil.
>...Well, see you.
>...Could you make something for me?
>So uh... Want to talk face-to-face?
>Write-In
>>
>>871235
>...So, mind if I ask what you can get me if I provide worship to you?
Vulkan could help in strengthening our industry.
>>
>>871235
>...Could you make something for me?
A katana?
>>
So... Mind if I ask what you can get me if I provide worship to you?

Better guns. Better weapons. Better tanks. Better shit in general. You hear him hammer metal, and a sizzle.

...Did I mention better electronic?

Could you make a weapon for me? Like... A katana?

He goes silent.

...A katana?

Yeah.

...I guess? I'll get it to you by... Friday, I guess.

Thanks...

Anyways, you might want to return to reality.

Oh... Ok.

You return to reality, and see that the ball has begun...

Shit.

Where's... Where's Elizabeth?
You feel her hugging you. Oh. Ok, nothing bad has happened. Good.

"Want to dance, Ren?"

"Huh? Sure..."

Roll me a 1d20-2 for how well you can dance. Additional +4 if you can come up with dance moves one can only do in half-dragon form. Additional +3 if you can compliment Elizabeth... And finally, a +3 if anons can do something romantic to Elizabeth.
>>
Rolled 12 - 2 (1d20 - 2)

>>871313
>>
Rolled 11 - 2 (1d20 - 2)

>>871313
>>
Rolled 19 - 2 (1d20 - 2)

>>871313
Dancing is hard
>>
I would of been surprised if anons could of done any of the bonuses.

Dancing is indeed hard.

19-2=17

Good Success!

You have... No fucking idea how to dance. But luckily, Elizabeth covers up your stumbling and general ineptitude by sticking close to you, and no one notices how dismal you are at the art of dancing. She stumbles around though, no doubt not used to it with her stubby legs, and extra forward weight.

"I swear I was better at this..." She says, as she stumbles a little.

"Guess we both suck."

"...I blame you and the fact you made my legs stubby."

Actions

>Really? Come on, your little legs are adorable...
>Sorry, sorry... I'm just related to dwarves, ok?
>...You know, we both suck at dancing. We should just get off before we embarrass ourselves.
>Hey, come on now.. Your doing better then me.
>...Come on, both of our legs are stubby, cute, and adorable.
>...It's not my fault nature hates me and my legs...
>I bet it's divine punishment for becoming larger then your husband. Just saying.
>Kiss her?
>...You know, we still have that bath upstairs. We could just take a bath together...
>...There's wine set out. If you want, the two of us could just drink a little.
>Come on, we're dancing as well as we can. I like it. Let's just stay here for a bit longer.
>You have an idea. Try to trip people with your tail until you and your wife look like the best dancers here.
>Write-in
>>
>>871350
Wait we have our wings unobstructed right?
Can we wrap them around her, pull her close, and slow dance?
>...Come on, both of our legs are stubby, cute, and adorable.
>>
>>871366
Your half-dragon form lacks wings. You'd need to go to your dragotaur form.
>>
So anons...

>Just slow dance in your half-dragon form. Nothing fancy.
>Shapeshift to dragotaur form, wrap wings around her, and slow dance?
>Nah. Just continue dancing.
>Do something else.
>Write-In
>>
>>871419
>Shapeshift to dragotaur form, wrap wings around her, and slow dance?
It's romantic
>>
You shift slowly to your dragotaur form, and some people accidently knock into you, but you just wrap your wings around her as people back away, slightly scared.

Roll me a 1d20+5 for romantic slow dance. Additional +4 if you can say anything romantic... Additional +2 if you can compliment her.
Also, a +1 if you can reassure people around you not to be concerned about the giant dragotaur.
>>
Rolled 12 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>871445
>>
Rolled 16 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>871445
>>
Rolled 1 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>871445
>>
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>>871494
>>
So.
Critical Failure.

Use Barbaric?

>Yes! Let's not ruin the ball!
>...Nah. What's the worst that could happen?
>>
>>871497
>Yes! Let's not ruin the ball!
>>
Roll me a 1d20.
Additional +4 if you can barbarically compliment Elizabeth, additional +3 if you can threaten the bystanders so you'll have the dance floor to yourself, and a final +2 if you can do something barbarically romantic.
>>
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>>871496
Pic related
>>871497
>Yes! Let's not ruin the ball!
>>
Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>871509
>Leave us be lest you die by my hand.
>>
Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>871509
>Your more beautiful then the most expertly crafted axe
>>
12+4+3=19

Success!

You stare and growl at the bystanders, who retreat from the dance floor, terrified of you.

"Get the fuck out of here or you'll die by my fucking hand."

You do note your claws are still a little bloodstained, adding credibility to this... You put your face through the small hole above Elizabeth, who's surrounded by your wings.

"Liz... I just think your the most beautiful woman I have found, more beautiful then the most expertly crafted axe."

"...Thanks, Ren."

The two of you slow dance for a bit... You sort of sense some photos were taken of you, but for the rest of the ball, you slow dance while other people leave, most likely displeased at the fact you stole the ball from them.

A few displeased gentlemen however seem rather angered towards you stealing the ball, with the wives looking at you enviously...

Maybe you should do something preventive...

Actions

>...Intimidate them.
>...Just continue slow dancing with Elizabeth. This is YOUR ball with her, not their ball.
>...Dance closer to them... And punch one of them in the face.
>...Liz... Why do you still have nobles? They're so bothersome...
>...Put your hand around Elizabeth's ass.
>Write-In
>>
>>871599
>...Just continue slow dancing with Elizabeth. This is YOUR ball with her, not their ball.
>>
>>871599
>...Just continue slow dancing with Elizabeth. This is YOUR ball with her, not their ball.
They aren't going to do a thing about it.
>>
You decide to just continue dancing with Elisabeth. This is YOUR ball after all.

And even if they tried, you'd probably gorily kill them.

Just saying.

"Ren?"

"Yeah?"

"Why don't I hear anyone else dancing?"

"Oh, they just decided to go home early."

"Oh."

She rests her head on your chest... She's half as tall as you, and it's quite adorable as you put your hand around her.

"...Your probably the nicest dragon I've ever had the pleasure of meeting."

"...I'm the only dragon you've meet, sweetie."

"...Well, I did meet a second one in Wales... But anyways, your the only one I enjoy being with."

"Thanks."

The two of you continue to dance...

Roll me a 1d20+5 to finish the night off... Additional +3 if you can continue to intimidate the bystanders. Additional +3 if you can compliment Elizabeth further.
>>
Rolled 18 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>871657
>>
18+5=23

Good Success!

The rest of the night goes wonderfully... You and Elizabeth eventually tire of dancing and go sit down. All but one of the bystanders have left.

"That was a nice Christmas ball. Thank you, Ren."

"Oh, don't worry about it."

"I just wish people stayed to enjoy it. There was going to be dinner after this."

"Oh."

"...Well, anyways... Thank you for coming."

"No problem."

She puts her hand right on your leg, and rests her head on you.

"...I still can't believe I was lucky enough to meet you, Ren."

"Same, Elizabeth."

"...So, are you staying for dinner or going home?"

Actions

>Why would I leave you, Liz? I'll gladly have dinner for you.
>...It better be a big dinner. Is there butter too?
>...Are we saying prayers to God? Just curious.
>Why do you still have nobles, Liz?
>...I should get going home. I'm sorry.
>...Well... Why don't we do something a little more special then dinner?
>Kiss her on the head?
>...Put your hand around her buttocks.
>...So... Do I get any good rewards for being with you?
>Write-In
>>
>>871734
>Why would I leave you, Liz? I'll gladly have dinner for you.
>Kiss her on the head?
>>
>>871734
>Why would I leave you, Liz? I'll gladly have dinner for you.
>Kiss her on the head?
I just hope Lorriana made some progress and Amaya didn't burn done Stockholm while we were gone.
>>
>>871747

Well shit I missed a few things, and this'll do nicely. And add in

>...It better be a big dinner. Is there butter too?
>>
https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Exalted

By the way QM, found Exalted. You can read up when you can.

Also have you ever read the Dresden Files?
>>
"Why would I leave you Liz? I'll gladly have dinner with you."

"Thank you, Ren."

"...It better be a big dinner though. Is there butter too?"

"Of course, Ren. I'd never forget your thing with butter."

"Thanks... So uh... Who's that guy? The guy who's the only person here?"

"...Who are yo- Oh... That's erh... Alan."

Alan.
You growl instinctively, bringing your wife closer to you.
Fucking Alan.

Him and his little fucking shitty British army uniform with his fucking handlebar mustache just standing there, drinking whiskey.

"Ren... Calm down. He's here because I had to tell him about something."

"Tell him about what exactly?"

"Well... I was going to break it to him that we're only friends, ok... Just try to get along until we leave, ok?"

Actions

>...That's... Suitable.
>Get him out of here. Please.
>...Give Alan a deathstare.
>...Is he for dinner? Just curious.
>...He's eating dinner with us, isn't he. Goddamn it.
>...Fucking... Fine. I'll be on my best behavior.
>...Sure. I'll play nice with him. (Lie)
>...Think about killing Alan in many ways. Such as eating him, feeding him to Lynea, dropping him off a cliff, feeding him to Elizabeth...And so forth. You fucking hate Alan.
>...Grab Elizabeth. You are NOT letting her out of your sight.
>Can I come with you?
>...Why the fuck did you invite your ex...
>If I see the two of you even getting along, I will come over there and bash his fucking skull in, ok?
>Write-In
>>
>>871789
>...Fucking... Fine. I'll be on my best behavior.
It sure would be a shame if he was on a plane that crashed with no survivors...
>>
>>871789

>...That's... Suitable.
>...Is he for dinner? Just curious.
>>
>>871789
>...Fucking... Fine. I'll be on my best behavior.
>...He's eating dinner with us, isn't he. Goddamn it.
>>
Alan is new BBEG

"...Fine. I'll be on my best behavior. Is he for dinner? Just curious."

"Ren... He's coming with us for dinner, since all the guests left, ok? He's not a bad guy."

You growl jealously.

"Ren..."

"I'm on my best behavior, ok?"

"...Let's just get some dinner, ok?"

"He's eating dinner with us, isn't he... Goddamn it."

"He is. I'm sorry, Ren... I'll make it up to you afterwards, ok?"

"Fine."

The two of you get up... Though Elizabeth has to go to a restroom. Alan follows, carefully staying away from you. The two of you wait outside the restroom, a little awkwardly. You cough a little bit...

Actions

>...Introduce yourself to Alan.
>...Give him a death stare.
>...Your going to lay down some ground fucking rules with Alan since your wife's in the restroom.
>...Just saying, Alan. If my wife wasn't within earshot, you'd be digesting.
>...So. Still like my wife, Alan?
>Write-In
>>
>>871876
>...Introduce yourself to Alan.
>>
>>871876
>...Give him a death stare.
>...Introduce yourself to Alan.
>>
You decide to introduce yourself to Alan.

How are you going to do this?

Actions

>Be a mature dragon. Shake his hand, and try to get along. (Renexizious will try to get along with Alan)
>...Act like a semi-mature dragon. Shake his hand... But fuck trying to get along with him.
>"Shake his hand" by throw him all about. Maybe he might break something and have to go home early.
>Say your name... And stare him down.
>...Accidentally fall on Alan.
>>
>>871915
>...Act like a semi-mature dragon. Shake his hand... But fuck trying to get along with him.

I just realized something. Ren can shapeshift into a merman.
>>
>>871915
>>871944

This.

Also really? Well let's be sure to find fishmen and women, and find Cthulhu.
>>
>>871915
>...Act like a semi-mature dragon. Shake his hand... But fuck trying to get along with him.
>>871944
Doesn't this mean we can also become a bird person?
>>
>>871964
We can shapeshift into any humanoid as long as it's not smaller then a hobbit so no microscopic fairies or anything like that.
>>
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>>871983

This kind?
>>
You go up to him.

"Hey. Name's Renexizious. You must be Alan O'Brien."

"Yep."

The two of you shake.

"Just saying, your bigger then how the television put you out to be, lad."

"Yeah."

"...Anyways, I hope your treating Elizabeth well."

"Of course I am."

"Just saying, lad."

The two of you stare for a brief minute, eyes locking...

"...I hope you have a good Christmas, and not get langered out of yer mind." He says, with a well-concealed Irish accent.

"Langered?"

"Drunk, sorry lad."

"It's fine."

Actions

>...So, your Irish, eh? I thought Elizabeth hated the Irish.
>I really, really hope another potato famine doesn't happen to you. Totally. Nope. It sure would be a shame.
>...So, like Guinness at all?
>...Just go back to waiting with Elizabeth.
>...Grab him by the neck and set down the ground rules.
>...Whisper something into his ears?
>Yeah. People usually find I'm a lot bigger, intimidating, and hungrier then they say in the TV.
>...So, my wife's pregnant. How would you like to come over in... Oh, a week or two? She'd GREATLY enjoy your company. She totally doesn't get hungry. Nope.
>Any hard feelings about me stealing your girlfriend?
>Write-In

>>871983
Yeah, there's some limits though. You have to see a race to transform into it, so no "become whatever you fucking want"
>>
>>871996
No like a harpy with wings and shit and feathers.
We could also be a centaur
>>
>>872023
Didn't we read the monster manual for D&D?
>...So, like Guinness at all?
>>
>>872023
>...So, your Irish, eh? I thought Elizabeth hated the Irish.
>Yeah. People usually find I'm a lot bigger, intimidating, and hungrier then they say in the TV.

>>872028
Aren't there Centaurs and Harpies in Greece?
>>
>>872023

>...So, your Irish, eh? I thought Elizabeth hated the Irish.
>I really, really hope another potato famine doesn't happen to you. Totally. Nope. It sure would be a shame.

*Evil snickering intensifies*

>...So, my wife's pregnant. How would you like to come over in... Oh, a week or two? She'd GREATLY enjoy your company. She totally doesn't get hungry. Nope.
>>
>>872049
Maybe. They do have minotaurs.
Technically we can do a Yuan ti.
And werewolf.
And orc.
>>
>>872078
We could also shapeshift into anyone of the species which we mutate like Minotaurs with Dragotaura.
>>
>>872094
We should mutate humans with some traits from other animals.
Like cats for agility and (they actually have strong muscles)
We should start thinking of more variant races to make.
>>
>>872113
But much Draconic master race.
>>
>>872045
You did. But you have yet to see any of them in person.

>>872049
Yeah. Haven't really delved into it at all too much.

"So... Like Guinness at all?"

"Aye. You?"

"I like it too."

"Nice... Might share some with you some time."

"So... Your Irish, right? I thought Elizabeth hated the Irish."

"What? Nah. She's technically not even English. She's German and Scottish."

"Really?"

"Aye."

"Huh... That's nice to know. She never mentioned that around me."

"She's sensitive about it, lad. Recommend you don't talk to her about it."

"How sensitive is she?"

"...I had my arse slapped and locked in the Tower of London for a day. She is very sensitive about it."

"So she slapped your ass?"

He laughs a little, warming up.

"Spanked me, more like it."

"Ah... A grown man being spanked by his girlfriend."

"Aye. Don't mention it, or she'll embarrass the shit out of you."

"Got it... But your kind of right. People usually find I'm a lot bigger, intimidating, and hungrier then they say in the TV."

"Aye. I can see that. Hard to see how bedding Elizabeth goes for ye, eh?" He jests.

"...Yeah... It's a little chaotic."

"Anyways, I'm not joking about how sensitive she is if you mention she's German or Scottish..."

Actions

>...Yeah, I won't mention it. Thanks.
>Got any other advise? Just curious.
>How long were you with Elizabeth?
>Nah, she won't do that to me. She loves me, and I love her.
>...Well, want to do a dare? Why don't you call her a German and see what happens? I'll pay you.
>Did the two of you formally break up at all?
>Why don't we stop talking?
>...You know, I was expecting you to be a lot worse.
>Yeah. Sorry, but I'm way better in bed then you are. Flex your muscles to show how strong you are too.
>...Let's stop fucking talking, ok?
>Write-In

>>872078
I'm curious why anons haven't tried mutating any of those species at all. I think they did Yuan-Ti but never finished.
Anons should really think about how to improve those races since you upgraded your lab which can now do biological weapons, and no longer has random chance for mutating races. Basically you went from "mix shit together in a vial and call it a day" to "genetic sculpting."
So if anons want to, feel free to think about how to make other races more cool and dragony.
>>
>>872124
But muh super shapeshifting skills.
We'd have way more versatility.
>>
>>872137
More cool doesn't always equal more dragon.
I was thinking making cat people soldiers in exo suits with high frequency katanas like from metal gear.
The ultimate weab soldier.
>...Yeah, I won't mention it. Thanks.
>Got any other advise? Just curious.
>>
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>>872137
>...Yeah, I won't mention it. Thanks.
>...Let's stop fucking talking, ok?
I really want to say that Liz is partially descended from either the Celtic or Germanic gods. It would just fit with Ren being descended from Jupiter.

>>872156
>Combining furries with weeaboos
Oh god
>>
>>872137

>Nah, she won't do that to me. She loves me, and I love her.
>...You know, I was expecting you to be a lot worse.

I'm surprised that I like him a bit.

Also QM. Are Skinwalkers and Windigos a thing?
>>
>>872182
I was thinking to finish up the yuan ti we could make them like gorgons and give them snek hair.
What say ye?
>>
>>872182

Hopefully a decendent of Cú Chulainn
>>
>>872215
I'm okay with that. The idea of furry cat ninja weeaboos is just terrifying though

>>872231
He's the most anime character outside of anime
>>
>>872239

Pray to Jupiter Liz doesn't have warp-spasms
>>
>>872239
You know since we're so smart we could research cold fusion.
Our energy problems would basically disappear
>>
>>872272
I might be a little bit skeptical of nuclear power just because of what could go wrong. Something like sabotage by Elf terrorists or something,
>>
Now that I think about it, I should just have the ability Adorable added to the Kobold Form, so you can sway people with being adorable, I guess.
I blame your stubby legs.

Any anons disapprove if this being added to the Kobold Form?

>>872156
Might as well go full weeb and make them all Japanese school girls who say "DESU" loudly.

>>872183
thanks for the idea anon

"Yeah... I won't mention it. But she won't do that to me. She loves me, and I love her."

"Ha, good luck boyo. I'll put that on your tombstone."

"Yeah... Anyways. Got any other advice?"

"Erh... Let me see lad... She has a thing for going against the court's norms..."

"Really?"

"Just hit on her in public. She gets embarrassed a fine bit."

"Got it."

"Also, she's a bit of a romantic when it comes to Britian. So an easy way to get her happy and calm is to surround her in... Well, British things."

"Ah, like tea?"

"Aye... You know about her secret love of Germany, right?"

"...Wait, what?"

"She doesn't admit it, but she finds it really interesting... Not even lying lad. You know she's actually blond, right?"

"Holy shit, really? But she has such natural brown hair..."

"Nah. Her court mage put an illusion on it so it's brown. She apparently wants to look as British as possible, even if she's German."

"That's adorable."

"Aye, I know. She even has a secret love of bratwurst and sausage."

"How come I never heard about this?"

"I've been with her since she was a teenager. I know her damned well."

"...So mind if I ask why your telling me all this?"

"Why not? I don't have a chance in hell with her now. Probably didn't before anyways, with me being in the army and being Irish. Besides, it's nice to talk about her lad."

Actions

>...That's really adorable. I never knew that. Thanks for telling me.
>...Is she sensitive about her blond hair at all?
>Hey, thanks for telling me this. I never knew this stuff.
>...Well, she likes MY sausage especially. Just saying.
>Does she have any embarrassing secrets?
>That would explain why my kids are always blond...
>So she's a German trying her best to be British? That's adorable.
>...Nice to see my wife's completely Aryan and not a filthy Anglo. No offense.
>Let's stop talking before I actually start to like you, ok?
>Come on. You had a shot with her, I just came along and swooped her literally off her feet.
>Write-In
>>
>>872315
>Wendigos exist
>Panicked externally

So Japanese cat school girl ninja soldiers who shout desu and always have toast in their mouth when they go to school.

>...That's really adorable. I never knew that. Thanks for telling me.
>Does she have any embarrassing secrets?
>That would explain why my kids are always blond...

But I'm serious about creating cat people.
I wanna see the benefits of it for us.
And I'm fine with the adorable ability.
>>
>>872315


>That would explain why my kids are always blond...
>So she's a German trying her best to be British? That's adorable.
>...Nice to see my wife's completely Aryan and not a filthy Anglo. No offense.
>>
>>872315
>Hey, thanks for telling me this. I never knew this stuff.
>Does she have any embarrassing secrets?
Elizabeth sounds like Kaiser Wilhelm II. He had a thing about hating his British ancestry but he want Germany to be more like Britain. At least it was something like that.
>>
>>872366

I'm more panicking about Skinwalkers. What with them being highly intelligent shapeshifting demigods of sadism.

But wendigos are also bad
>>
>>872404
The thing about wendigos is outside of dragon form we can't win.
Our agility is shit and they're much faster than any human iirc.

And with said speed I doubt we could land a good.
>>
>>872404
>>872366
It's not like Wendigos are that big of a threat. Aren't they just a Canadian thing after all.

Also what are skinwalkers?
>>
"Well, that would explain why our kids are always Blond. And it's nice to see my wife's completely Aryan and not a filthy Anglo. No offense."[r/ed]

"I'm Celtic. Not a problem."

"So... She's basically a German trying her best to be British? That's really adorable."

"Yeah. It is lad. You have to see it to believe it."

'Hey, thanks for telling me this... Does she have any embarrassing secrets?"

"Well... She has a rat-"

You hear the door open and the two of you go quiet. Liz comes out.

"Alright, sorry about the wait gentlemen. Let's get going, ok?" She says.

Actions

>Not a problem, Liz.
>...Slap her ass.
>...So... What's this I hear about being possibly German?
>Hug her tightly?
>...So, Alan's actually not that bad. You were right.
>...Pat her on the head?
>...You need to convince Liz to go away for a bit to learn more embarrassing secrets about her...
>...Boop her on her dragonlike snout.
>Let's get going, ok?
>..Hey, Liz? I'm kind of hungry for brautwurst. Is there any set out?
>Write-In
>>
>>872437
>...You need to convince Liz to go away for a bit to learn more embarrassing secrets about her...

Tell Elizabeth that she has something stuck in her teeth.
>>
>>872435

I explained it, think of them as like werewolves. But add in high intelligence, a semi-divine nature and being unrepentantly sadistic assholes who'd love to both physically and psychologically torment you.

>>872437

>..Hey, Liz? I'm kind of hungry for brautwurst. Is there any set out?
>>
>>872437
>...Slap her ass.
>>
>>872469
At least those are just in America.
>>
>>872435
Oh, I'll find a way anon.

>>872469
Could you send a Wikipedia page anon?

"Hey, Liz... Is there any bratwurst set out? I'm kind of hungry."

You slap her on the ass as you say that, and she blushes quite heavily.

"Ren? Not now, please..."

"What? I'm hungry... Oh, Liz? You have something inbetween your teeth."

Roll me a 1d20+4 to convince her to go back in the bathroom. Additional +3 if you can make it seem worse then it is. Additional +2 if you can foreshadow what your going to do with this information.
Additional +1 if the foreshadowing is adorable in nature.
>>
Rolled 16 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>872515
>It looks like a nasty piece of cabbage or something. You should get rid of it before your mouth looks the the English dirt.
>>
Rolled 13 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>872515
I love making Liz blush.
It's fun.
>Well less between and more like all over. Like everywhere and it's this sickly green color.
>>
>>872515

Alright, I went with the Dresden Files variation of what a skinwalker is for description. But here ye go QM

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skin-walker
>>
>>872572
So when we get back we just science heavily?
Cloning
Cold fusion
Hybrid species
The internet
The works?
>>
"It looks like a piece of cabbage, Liz. You should get rid of it. It's a sickly green color."

"Really? Oh my, I'll be right back!"

She goes in the restroom.

"Quickly, tell me more things to embarrass her!"

"Right, right... Hang on a moment lad... She gets embarrassed by slapping her ass in public, as you seem to know... Like most women... And she used to be called Beth when she was younger. Just saying, she hated that name."

"Continue..."

Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if you can get to the good embarrassing stuff.
Autosuccess if you can provide your QM with inspiration on what would embarrass Elizabeth.
>>
>>872594
I thought we already got computers and the Internet.
>>
Rolled 9 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>872594

Yep. Also AMSkyDAN, aka: cyber warfare AI

>>872610

We can always improve
>>
Rolled 5 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>872609
She's bi
>>
Rolled 16 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>872610
The computers are shitty and don't have a mouse.
And no real internet.
>>872609
Getting carried bridal style?
>>
"Come on, what else?"

"Well, she's bisexual. But she hates to admit it... And I think she's highly embarrassed by being carried around on the shoulder. I saw her dad do it once... There's also her eating habits. If you comment on how she eats and make it sound embarrassing, she looks down and blushes. It's fucking adorable."

"Nice, nice... Come on! need more..."

"...She uh... What else Alan... Come on... There's also if you say she's acting a bit German... Though it can backfire and either annoy her or cause her to be unable to say anything without an adorable stutter."

"Please, I need this..."

"She gets highly, and I mean highly embarrassed if you do anything forward to her while she's talking. It's adorable. She blushes, stutters, and I think at one time she was so embarrassed she had to leave."

"Adorable."

"Aye, I know it."

The door opens to Elizabeth coming out.

"I think I got it, Ren. Did I?"

Actions

>Yeah, you did.
>...Yep. Pick her up and sling her over your shoulder. Like a barbarian.
>...I mean, just saying you should really stop eating that fast. You'll get things stuck in your teeth.
>Yeah. You know, your eating habits remind me of that of a German.
>...Wait for her to start talking again and do something forward to her. You have to see if Alan was right.
>Come on adorable. Let's get to eating.
>Wrap your wings around her?
>Hey, Liz? Why don't we hear your best German impression?
>Write-in
>>
>>872694
>...Yep. Pick her up and sling her over your shoulder. Like a barbarian.
>Come on let's go eat.
>>
>>872694
>Yeah, you did.
>Come on adorable. Let's get to eating.
>>
"Yeah."

You pick her up and sling her over your shoulder.

"Come on, let's go eat, Liz."

"Ren! Let go of me!"

"Nah."

You haul her to the dining room, and put her in a seat.

"Ren, I'm not a child..." She seems to have been blushing, and just can't look at you. She seems to be highly embarrassed.

"Well, your my wife..."

"But the guards saw, not to mention if there were guests here... And the servants too! That was... That was embarrassing to say the least Ren..."
Aw, she's protesting.

Actions

>Kiss her on the head. Maybe soon she'll accept her new mode of transportation.
>Fiiiine. We won't do it publicly.
>Pat her on the head.
>Come on, let's just eat a little, ok?
>...If you want, I can get you some bratwurst.
>Pat her on the head!
>Ok, ok. I'm sorry...
>Your so cute when your blushing...
>...Wrap your tail around her. Just a little.
>...If you want, you can sit on my lap.
>Write-In
>>
>>872774
>Kiss her on the head. Maybe soon she'll accept her new mode of transportation.
>Your so cute when your blushing...
>...If you want, you can sit on my lap.
>>
>>872774
>>872785

This, and

>Write-In

>You are quite adorable when you're blushing mien fraulein
>>
You kiss her on the head.

"You know, your so cute when your blushing, mein fraulein."

"...I'm not German, for God's sake..." She mutters under her breath.

"If you want, you can sit on my lap."

"I'm not a child... I-I'm the Queen of England, for God's sake..." She's blushing even more, to the point her white draconic face is turning bright red.

Actions

>...Lift her up, and put her on your lap. And pat her on the head.
>Come on, no one's watching...
>Boop her on the her draconic snout.
>Fiiine. I won't degrade you that much.
>Please? Come on. You'll be close to me... And besides, isn't it cold?
>Write-in
>>
>>872839
>Fiiine. I won't degrade you that much.
>>
>>872839
>Boop her on the her draconic snout.
>...Lift her up, and put her on your lap. And pat her on the head.
>>
Going to wait ten more minutes anons.
>>
Rolled 1 (1d2)

Rolling.

1=Won't degrade her!
2=Degrade her!
>>
You boop her on the snout.

"Fine... I won't degrade you that much."

"Thank you, Ren..."

She kisses you, and you take a seat next to her... Alan does too, and the two of you begin to eat...

Alan eats rather politely and professionally... While you and Elizabeth just tear into the food. He seems... Just a little intimidated. Elizabeth especially seems hungry.

Roll me a 1d20+5 for how well dinner goes. Additional +3 if you can do small talk with Alan, and a +3 if you can calm down your wife's appetite.
>>
Rolled 7 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>872980

>Talk about potatoes and butter with Alan
>>
Rolled 10 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>872980
>>
Rolled 9 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>872980
>Talk about buttered potatoes
And maybe even buttered French fries.
>>
10+8=18

Success!

You talk about butter and potatos... While Elizabeth just gorges on food. It seems like her pregnancy is starting to act up.

By the time you finish, she lets out a rather loud burp.

"Oh! Sorry, sorry. I erh... I forgot my manners there for a moment."

"Elizabeth, are you alright? You seem... Very hungry."
Alan seems a little concerned...

Actions

>It's just a side effect of her mutagen. She gets... Ravenous. Let's just say.
>...She's' a dragon. She has to eat a lot, of course.
>She's pregnant... Usually she eats. A LOT.
>Liz, your scaring Alan. Maybe you should calm down.
>...Liz... Have room for seconds? There's about twenty more dishes here.
>...Try to enter a eating contenst with Liz.
>Alan, lay off. She's my wife, not yours.
>...Flames? When will Liz be displaying the first signs of pregnancy again?
>Write-In
>>
>>873044
>...She's' a dragon. She has to eat a lot, of course.
>She's pregnant... Usually she eats. A LOT.
We told Liz she's pregnant right?
>>
>>873044
>...She's' a dragon. She has to eat a lot, of course.
>>873061
Yes
>>
"Well, she's a dragon. And she's pregnant."

"Oh."

'Yeah..."

Elizabeth calms down, and she goes to the back to talk to Alan...
After a bit, Alan comes out, a little sad, but Elizabeth comes out and goes up to you. And burps in your face.

"Sorry, sorry. I erh..."

"How adorable. So, you told him?"

"Yeah... I don't like it, you know... But anyways, he accepted to remain friends."

Actions

>Hug her tightly!
>...You did the best decision you could, Elizabeth.
>To be honest, Alan wasn't that bad of a guy. I was expecting him to be worse and more envious.
>Just don't ask me for an open relationship...
>...Let's get going home, ok?
>...I never want to see Alan again, ok?
>...So... Didn't you promise me a special reward at the end of this?
>Write-In
>>
>>873101
>To be honest, Alan wasn't that bad of a guy. I was expecting him to be worse and more envious.
>Just don't ask me for an open relationship...
>...Let's get going home, ok?
>>
>>873101
>...Let's get going home, ok?
>>
"To be honest, Alan wasn't that bad of a guy. I was expecting him to be worse and more envious... Just don't ask me for an open relationship."

"...We already kind of are."

"No we aren't."

"...Well, you can see other women. That's what I meant... It's just a little hypocritical of you to say that."

"Oh god, don't tell me you want an open relationship."

"I don't... I'm just pointing out your hypocrisy in this regard..."

"...Let's just get home, ok?"

"Right..."

She kisses you on the head, and you escort her out. Alan seems defeated, but he wishes you and Elizabeth good luck in the future.

You leave... And hear sobbing from him.
Poor guy.

"So uh... How well did you know him anyways?"

"...He was always kind of a childhood sweetheart. Always liked me since we met. I think it was... Around when were were twelve."

"Oh."

"Let's just get home."

You begin to fly home with Elizabeth... After a while, you set down, and decide to get some sleep with her.

You have upgraded anons!

Choose an upgrade.

>Stable Mutation
>Upgrade Mutation
>Unstable Mutation
>Extremely Unstable Mutation
>>
>>873151
>Stable Mutation
Unstable hasn't really been working out for us as of late.
>>
>>873151
Can I get a list of upgradable mutations and our current amount of points?
>Inb4 we can get a fourth head.
>>
>>873166
>inb4 we can shrink our legs completely and become a serpent
That probably is a ultra unstable mutation though
>>
>>873151
Hey when does Renexizia mutate again?
She hasn't mutated much iirc.
>>
You can only get one mutation, which is just two mutation points for upgrading.

Also, here's things you can upgrade.

Ice Breath (1 Point)
Prehensile Tail (1 Point)
Three-Headed (6 Points)
Stubby Legs (1 Point)
Double Eyed (2 Points)
Expanded Mouth (1 Points)
Fire Breath (2 Points)
Laser Breath (2 Points)
(NEW): Upgrade a shapeshifting form! (2 Points to a specific form!)

>>873196
I was planning to do that about now...
>>
Also, waiting ten more minutes for votes.
>>
>>873199
Although I'm still in favor of stable mutation, what does upgrading stubby legs mean?
>>
>>873217
You can either make them more dwarf-like and smaller or more agile and eventually back to normal.
>>
>>873224
I'll vote upgrading stubby legs to start getting it back to normal.
>>
>>873224
It does sound good to get our legs back but that means making the mutagen for Liz too and that's too much work.
>>
>>873238
Stop being so lazy anon.
It's not even that hard.
>>
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>>873248
Ehh
>>
>>873253
Just change your vote we're wasting time.
It's just moving your fingers and shit.
We still need to mutate Renexizia.
>>
>>873248
>not remaining in denial
>not trying to stop your denial by turning the entire world into corgi-legged individuals so you don't stand out
>not hiding your insecurities
>not being a glorious dwarf
>why even dwarf
>>
>>873266
No I'd rather Ren didn't get attacked by insecurity autism.
Plus high shelves.
>>
>>873260
I don't know... what if we roll a one while making the mutagen for Liz. Also OP said 'eventually' which probably means we're going to spend a lot of points for that which could go to different mutations. Stubby legs aren't even that bad to be quite honest.
>>
Rolled 1 (1d2)

>>873277
just get minotaur waifu.
High shelves problem solved.

Also rolling.

1=Stable Mutation!
2=Upgrade!
>>
>>873284
It cannot take longer then mending our soul from when we died.
>>
>>873290
Too late. Next time I'll probably choose the upgrade. Then again I may not. Who knows where the world takes us.
>>
>>873298
This makes me realize our agility is even more shit with stubby legs probably.
>>873289
>Wanting to have a waifu reach things for us
>Not wanting to reach things for them
That's some shit taste.
>>
>>873312
Get some kobold or dwarf waifus. At least you'd be bigger then them.

Stable mutation it is...

Choose one from the following.

>Body Enchantment: Ren can for a limited amount of time, enchant certain parts of his body to be set aflame, like his fists, teeth, tail, etc... This can only work in Half-Dragon and Dragon form. All enchantments you currently have and gain in the future can be used, save the Alpha enchantment.
>Dwarven Facialhair: Your dwarf-like nature asserts itself by letting you grow a very impressive beard. Gain a +1 to Intimidate and Charisma.
>Scale Casting: Ren can now scale his casting depending on form and size. A fireball in his human form will be a traditional 10 feet, while a fireball in his dragon form could be up to about 500 feet. Certain spells may not scale though.
>Sticky: Your scales tend to stick to things, and things tend to stick to your scales. This is the first mutation in the Slime track.
>Venomous Burp: Renexizious's breath is foul enough where it can potentially poison enemies and knock them out, or potentially kil them... Or areas, if Ren is large enough.
>Enlonged Tail: Ren's tail increases in size and strength, and can do serious damage if whacked or smashed into someone. Additional +1 to Strength in all forms with a tail.
>Write-In
>>
>>873348
Why is write in an option?
Questions are important.
>>
>>873348
>Scale Casting: Ren can now scale his casting depending on form and size. A fireball in his human form will be a traditional 10 feet, while a fireball in his dragon form could be up to about 500 feet. Certain spells may not scale though.
This sounds good
>>
>>873359
That's a natural reflex because I put that in so much.
So just ignore that because I'm a shit QM
>>
>>873365
>Scale Casting: Ren can now scale his casting depending on form and size. A fireball in his human form will be a traditional 10 feet, while a fireball in his dragon form could be up to about 500 feet. Certain spells may not scale though.
This should help with our necromancy.

And man the character sheet needs streamlining.
>>
>>873368
I tried to make a new character sheet, but I lost it. So now anons can just put suggestions if I make any obvious errors or forget to put something in.

You feel much more attuned to magic, and you can now cast magic en masse!
Cool.

You yawn a little.... Fuck, your tired...

Renexizia has also upgraded!

Choose one.

>Stable Mutation!
>Unstable Mutation!
>Extremely Unstable Mutation!
>>
>>873377
>Unstable Mutation!

Maybe put a dedicated area for magic we know?
Like at least state where the list begins and ends.
Shit is disorienting.
>>
>>873377
>Unstable Mutation!
>>
I barely can look at it. It's a monster that deserves to be killed in it's own right.
But I have some free time, so I'm working on that shit, don't worry.

Also, roll me a 1d100 to see what she gets!
>>
Rolled 92 (1d100)

>>873392
Rollan
>>
Rolled 34 (1d100)

>>873392
>>
Rolled 30 (1d100)

>>873392
>>
>>873392
Maybe you should have separate sheets.
One dedicated to Ren
One for persons of interest
Another for his empire and relevant data to it.
>>
92

Renexizia has gotten...

Burrowing!

She can now dig underground and cause damage there!

You wake up, and feel Elizabeth's arms around you... Oh yeah...

And her stomach.

You flip over to hug her... And she burps. She giggles a little bit.

"Ren... Don't hug me while I'm digesting. It makes me burp."

"It's cute..."

Hey uh... Ren? We have only two days before she gets to the first stage of pregnancy...

Shit. That's right.

"Hey, Ren?"

"Yeah?"

"I told you I was going to reward you for getting along with Alan... If you want, you and I can tumble a little. And if you want, with another woman."

Actions

>Sounds good, Liz. But I only need you.
>...I like that offer of a second woman.
>...What, are you bisexual or something?
>Nah... I don't want to tumble you. You'll burp again in my face...
>Can we do it in dragon form?
>Sorry, but I have work today...
>Write-In

>>873432
Sounds good. If anons want to help, just suggest how to describe a character.
>>
>>873442
>Viktor: Basically a mob boss from a movie but draconic
Or something like that.

Anyways
>I'm gonna have to postpone that Liz I need to work today.

We need to science and among other things make hydroponics and mutate our crops.
>>
>>873442
>Sorry, but I have work today...
>>
"Sorry Liz, but, I need to work today."

"Ok, just remember that you can call on it at any time you want, ok?"

Ooooh. Any time...

You nod your head and get up to continue the TECHVOLUTION.
Tech revolution.
Fuck, you are not good at names.

But you decide to go back to mutating crops, because that's really fucking important now...

Excuse me, Sir Renexizious?{/red]

What, Solaire?

I was thinking... Prehaps in the future a kobold wife mayhaps be mine. Could you assist me if we get around to it?

Oh. Yeah... I was uh... I was kind of thinking about a erh...

A what?

...Maybe just a.. You know... A cuddly wuddly werewolf...

Oh my fucking god, you furfag...

They begin arguing, and you just shake your head to continue on with your day... You are however, stopped by your chief servant.

"Sir?"

"What?"

"A farmer in Sweden just won the Fattest Cow award... I erh... It's been calculated that the average weight of our cows is about.. 1.6x then usual. They're big, my lord."

"Oh."

"Anyways, about your butter cake..."

You begin to work on making crops YUGE again.

Roll me a 1d20+5 for coming up with mutated crops!
Additional +2 if you feel like making cow jokes to Flames about his wife.
Additional +1 if it's about his wife's weight.
>>
Rolled 7 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>873530
>Wow we should've entered Chrysoula into that contest if I'm right I'd estimate her as more than double any normal cows weight.
>>
Rolled 18 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>873530
>>
>>873530
Wouldn't we get a bonus to our int if we did this as a kobold?
>>
18+8=26

Good Success!

You make tomatoes and potatoes great again, big, juicy, delicious, and slightly studded with scales.

No one will ever notice.

You also make a few jokes about Chrysoula's weight.

You calculate a draconic tomato is about 3x as big as a normal tomato. Holy shit.
Also it tastes fucking amazing on pasta, and is spicy to boot.

You should of been a farmer.

So of course, you move onto prototype hydroponics.

Roll me a 1d20+6.
Additional +3 if you can continue to make fun of Chrysoula's weight.

>>873563
Oh, shit yeah. Want me to always consider when you do science to be a kobold?

Also, just curious anons... What's the best race I've made so far?
And no, dragons don't count.
>>
Rolled 6 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>873577
Yeah we need the extra int.
And Dragotaur so far.
Just for being hardcore as hell.

>I estimate that the cow named Chrysoula is fat enough to feed a family for a year.
>>
Rolled 8 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>873577
Are these new tomatoes going to cause any change in people?
>>
Nope.

Allowing samefagging for more jokes about Chrysoula's weight.
>>
Rolled 20 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>873617
>>
>>873617
>You know I feel bad for the couches. They have to endure Chrysoula sitting on them.
>>873617
He can use my joke.
I won't bother rolling
>>
Critical Success!

You make...
FUCKING HUGE TOMATOES.

Seriously, one tomato is about the size of a certain fat cow's breast known as Chrysoula. It is huge.
It is delicious.
And you fucking love it.


So, I estimiate that the cow known as Chrysoula is fat enough to feed a whole family for a year, not to mention I feel bad for couches... They have to endure Chrysoula sitting on them.

Oh fuck off... At least my wife doesn't get fat when she's pregnant... Why don't you make fun of Solaire...

Your hydroponics project is a stunning success... It can grow crops in less then what you assume to be... Well, an hour, using high-grade fertilizer, mutagens up the fucking asshole... And filtered air and sunlight.

Fuck yeah.

Of course, now you decide to make the hydroponics... Well... Basically able to self-sustain with artificial sunlight.

Roll me a 1d20+6.
Additional +3 if you can make fun of Chrysoula's weight further, or make Flames envious of you being able to rest on her boobs so much.
Additional +2 if you can insult Solaire's choice in kobolds. Or to enrage Flames further... Encourage his choice.
Also, feel free to explain to him why you don't make fun of Solaire.
>>
Rolled 15 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>873649
It's gonna suck when Liz has to work off all that baby fat.
>>
Rolled 7 + 11 (1d20 + 11)

>>873649
Well if we can institute hydroponics empire wide our food problems are done basically.

>Well at least the fat goes to her boobs. It's fucking comfy I tell you hwat. And don't worry Solaire I won't judge you I got your back. We'll find you your werewolf or kobold waifu yet.

And tell flames he's easy and fun to fuck with.
Like that time we talked shit so hard he raged at Chrysoula
>>
15+11=26

Good Success!

You make the hydroponics self sustaining... But you do note three things.

First of all... The crops maybe beautiful, tasty as shit, and quick to grow, but have a small problem with heat. Additionally, there's a slight problem... The crops themselves take up a fuckton of water, and not always make seeds. So there's a slight problem in reproduction (which you don't have! Ha!) of seeds.
Finally... There's also the case they release noxious gas, not lethal... Just that it can knock out people not prepared. You need suits to deal with this stuff.

Long story short... It requires lots of water, and costs 25$ Million just for a hydroponics farm which grows this stuff... But for a normal hydroponics farm, just 5$ Million.

Thank Jupiter the free market can buy this shit at it's own volition. Fuck Communism, that's expensive.

Also, the lemons can melt skin. That's kind of a problem. But they're damned tasty.
Now if only you could create a butter plant.

Well at least the fat goes to her boobs. It's fucking comfy I tell you hwat. And don't worry Solaire I won't judge you I got your back. We'll find you your werewolf or kobold waifu yet.

Thanks.

Oh fuck you...

Come on Flames... Your so easy to fuck with. Like that time when you raged at Chrysoula.

Wait, you weren't joking?

Holy shit, he takes everything we say at him seriously?

Yeah.

You sense Solaire has gotten a new hobby.

Of course, with that shit... You decide to move on back to making mouses great again. As in, program a mouse to work with a computer.

Roll me a 1d20+6... Additional +4 if you can make fun of Flames want for a werewolf waifu.
Additional +1 if you can think about why you love Chrysoula in the first place.
>>
Rolled 14 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>873756
Chrysoula isn't a moralist vampire like Franzizka or a possibly insane British monarch like Liz.
>>
Rolled 2 + 11 (1d20 + 11)

>>873756
>Though flames why is it that every woman you want has fur? Are you a closet furry?

And we love Chrysoula because she makes a fucking comfortable pillow.
If we need a good rest she's the best person to go to.
It helps that she also loves it when we touch her boobs.
Also we can have someone to workout with.
>>
If anons want to samefag for a better success, you can do it for more reasons why you like Chrysoula.
>>
Rolled 4 + 11 (1d20 + 11)

>>873860
We can rub her horns whenever we want.
That in and of itself makes her worth it.
>>
Rolled 3 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>873860
She's Greek which is more exotic then British or French.
>>
Back anons.

14+11=25

Success!

Flames, why is it that every woman you want has fur? Are you a closet furry?

Fuck off! MY WIVES ARE PERFECTLY FINE!

He's getting triggered. Hahaha...

You program a limited mouse feature. It can't do anything besides click. And compared to the Nazi's computer... It's a piece of shit. It's slow, can't do anything but make nose and move a cursor...

Oh.
Wait.

You forgot to actually make a feature allowing for applications to be made...

But that's kind of hard. You need a keyboard that works, besides just using the Nazi's one...

Roll me a 1d20+5 to invent a keyboard.
Additional +3 if you can make fun of Flames wife to trigger him some more. Additional +1 if you can make fun of her breasts. (though secretly love them)
Additional +2 if you can consider the pros and cons of a kobold waifu and a werewolf waifu. And which one is obviously better.
>>
Rolled 1 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>874172
Clearly a Kobold waifu is superior to a lycanthrope. They're naturally adorable, take up little space and have all the gold coins you could ever want.
>>
Rolled 1 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>874189
Fuck.
>>
>>874189
How could the dice gods disagree with having a cutebold.

>>874192
Holy shit the dice gods fucking hate cutebolds.

So... Anons?
Want to use tommorow's barbaric?

>Yes! Let's not fuck up with TWO ONES.
>Naaaah. How the fuck would you barbarically make a keyboard? Besides, we need that barbaric to do cool shit tommorow.
>>
Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>874172
>Mouse
It's a MID
>>874189
>>874192
By Jupiter...
>>
>>874202
>Yes! Let's not fuck up with TWO ONES.
Let's not Fuck up the lab and all our progress
>>
>>874202
Although I feel highly unsafe using a barbaric for tomorrow, I vote yes.
>>
Roll me a 1d20 to barbarically make a keyboard.


Additional +3 if you can make fun of Flames wife to trigger him some more. Additional +1 if you can make fun of her breasts. (though secretly love them)
Additional +2 if you can consider the pros and cons of a kobold waifu and a werewolf waifu. And which one is obviously better.

Yeah, I'm using the same bonuses from before since I have no fucking idea how to make a keyboard.

Also, feel free to name it whatever you want.
>>
Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>874224
Kay board sounds appropriate
>>
Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>874224
Fuck these dice.
>>
Rolled 17 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>874224
>While they may be so her boobs are otherwise like hairballs
Though her fur only makes sleeping on her more comfortable.

>Werewolf waifu is obviously superior due to cuddle ability and supreme usage as a pillow

Call it a Char-In
For character input.
>>
17+6=23

Success!

You smash a keyboard into bits, angrily.

WHY THE FUCK DOES NOTHING WORK GODDA-

Oh.

Well, there's only four keys left. But they work. The WASD keys.

You decide to call it a... Kayboard.
Mostly because keys fucking suck ass. Kays sounds cooler.

With that done, you make fun of Chrysoula's breasts, and claiming that werewolf waifus are better, while secretly loving the kobold waifu.

Flames at this point is yelling like a Khornate at you, calling your "taste is fucking shit" and "my waifus are better then your waifus."

Fucking beta cuckold nerds.

So of course, with that done... You set to work the first keyboard application.

Additional +4 if you can reassure everyone in your head that your taste in wives is the best, and that Flames taste is shit.
Also, a +1 if you can come up with ideas on how to get Solaire and Flames his waifus.

Also anons... What do you want to work on next, if you have any ideas?
>>
Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>874305
Computer related? I don't know. Other stuff I want to work on is the navy. Also finally getting the Roman gods worshippers which we haven't really done.
>>
Rolled 12 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>874305
Hybrids.
Human cat hybrids.
I want to see the agility gainz.
>Well obviously my taste is better who doesn't love French vampires and British dragons. I have varied and refined taste. Flames just has a fur fetish
>>
>>874345
No. Not unless other anons are ok with your weeaboo tendencies.
Then again, it makes perfect sense since Ren is a massive weeb.

12+10=22

Good Success!

You finish creating a document allowing you to type WASD over and over again... Which pops up on the other computer as well!

Cool.

You feel a bit tired though, and decide to rest a little... You drop to the floor from the stool you were standing on, and leave the room.

You know, everything is fucking huge when your a kobold. It's actually kind of scary.

Especially since you hear BANGING on the ground behind you... You see... Chrysoula's hoof only a few feet away from you.

"Oh, Ren... Right?"

"Yeah... Your huge. Just saying."

"Aw... Your adorable..."

Chrysoual bends over and with her massive hand, pats you on the head.

"Hi..."

"So... I was about to practice blacksmithing with Frankizka. Oh... Hey... Uh, do you remember anything about Ochi day?"

"Oh, yeah... That."

She seems a little nervous.

"I erh... Did we tumble at all?"

"Why are you asking?"

"I just uh... I think I was a little erh... Drunk. Yeah... I erh... I was saving myself for Flames next... But then you kind of came along..."

Her eyes kind of avert from you, and she scratches the back her neck... And kind of just awkwardly stands there.

"I just uh... I didn't erh... I didn't mention anything specific about... Anything, right?"

Actions

>...Like how you enjoy me laying on your breasts?
>Shapeshift?
>...Why are you acting so strange?
>You are acting adorably, just saying.
>...Well... No. You didn't mention anything specific, why?
>Are you drunk again?
>Aw, your acting adorable...
>...Just saying, Kryos was eyeing you earlier...
>I got to go... I'm busy with science and I was about to go for a lunch break, sorry.
>Write-In
>>
Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>874305
>>
>>874398
You update way too fucking fast.
>9 minutes
>>
>>874398
>...Just saying, Kryos was eyeing you earlier...
>I got to go... I'm busy with science and I was about to go for a lunch break, sorry.

>>874401
Spare 20?
>>
>>874398
>Weeaboo tendencies
It has nothing to do with that.
I just think that hybrid would have a very high amount of mobility.
And it'd be nice to have a form where our agility isn't shit.
I'm also trying to think of other hybrids.
>...Why are you acting so strange?
>>
File: IMG_1498.jpg (24 KB, 180x227)
24 KB
24 KB JPG
>>874442
It would be a weeaboo furry
>>
>>874442
Fenrir would call you a furfag for all eternity, and Flames would be deprived of his status as "guy you can make fun of", and you'd become the furfag.

"Hey... I'm just saying that Kryos was kind of eyeing you earlier."

"Really? Oh..."

"Just saying, stay away from him. So why are you acting so strangely?"

Her cheeks go red.

"I'm not acting strangely. I-I'm just trying to ask a question if I said anything weird during our celebration."

"...Really?"

"I just want to know... I erh... I got to go, ok?"

"I have to too."

"Yeah... I just uh... I just want to know if I kinda mentioned that I like you on my breasts. Which I don't. Or if I erh... If I was completely naked... Which I hope I wasn't..."

Actions

>You like me on your breasts? Cool.
>...Not so tough, are you?
>...You weren't naked or mentioned anything about your breasts, ok? (Lie)
>You were... You were really drunk, ok?
>Yeah. You did mention that to me.
>...Come on, you like having your breasts touched. I remember that.
>If you should be going, I should be going. See you.
>Why don't we talk later?
>Write-In
>>
>>874470
Well that's just not worth it.
So we can't use any animals with fur in our hybrids?
>Yeah. You did mention that to me.
>...Come on, you like having your breasts touched. I remember that.
>>
>>874470
>...You weren't naked or mentioned anything about your breasts, ok? (Lie)
>Why don't we talk later?
>>
>>874470
>If you should be going, I should be going. See you.
Time to take a handgun and make Khorne proud with a Max Payne style massacre at the next Dominion base.
https://youtu.be/zEH_LSL4rVw
>>
>>874487
>Just genociding the next base.
>Not inserting spies
Do you even secret agent bruh?
Seriously if we go there we should at least search for Intel before we cleanse them all
>>
>>874478
No, the picture you were giving me of "weeb cats with katanas" was furfaggotry.

Besides, they're not even monstergirls. That's the only time a furry waifu is acceptable. They're just you turning people into furfags.

"I should get going... But I erh... I don't remember, ok?"

"Oh. Ok." She calms down quite a bit...

You rush/waddle off, not knowing what to say. You'll talk to her later...

You waddle back, and CONTINUE TO SCIENCE.

Using the critical 20 from earlier!

You finally copy the Nazi's keyboard, and set up an application allowing you to write stuff... Like a typewriter. Huh.

Of course, with that done, you hear Khorne knocking.

Khorne?

HEY... SO THAT BASE WAS ACTUALLY A FUCKING MASSACRE. DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING AWESOME MY NEW BLOODTHIRSTER IS? I PUT TWO... NOT ONE, TWO ASSAULT RIFLES IN HIS HAND, INFINITE AMMO, AND A BAYONET IN BOTH OF THE GUNS. He seems very excited.

That's great. I'm busy right now, ok?

OH, YEAH. SORRY. JUST HAD TO SHARE. ANYWAYS, ONE LESS BASE FOR YOU TO WORRY ABOUT.

You hang up. You have work to do.

You feel kind of tired though... And that's when you realize what must be done.

Those cool fucking red crystals.

You forgot all about them. You were going to make power plants and lasers with them...

Roll me a 1d20+6 to refine Not-Tiberium. Additional +3 if you can think about perfect kobold waifu.
Additional +3 if you can think of ideas to do with the Not-Tiberium.

And a final +1 if you can give a semi-original name beside Tiberium to the crystals.
>>
>>874522
yfw you meant to put "they're just you turning people into furfags" was supposed to go at the top but you forgot.

why even QM

>>874487
Never played Max Payne. How good is it?
>>
Rolled 8 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>874522
Hear me out on this one guys. What if, and this is a pretty big what if, but what if we call them... energy crystals.
>>
Rolled 8 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>874522
I made that up cause it sounded funny.
>Monstergirl
Who said they were.
And no tail. They don't need that.
Your implying I would let the mutant have fur and not look mostly like a regular human.
You said we could gene sculpt so let's start taking convenient traits from other animals and such and do whatever.


What would happen if we crossed someone with a cassowary?
>>
Rolled 1 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>874522

Name it Ephridas.

We can make Tiberium katanas...right?
>>
>>874568
We must have used up our luck.
It's like we're in the first few threads all over again.
>>
>>874571

I am so sorry.
>>
You begin to refine the crystals... But you trip, and the crystal falls into a grate. Which goes into the sewer. Fuck.

You sit down, disappointed. You need to find that crystal before it...

You wake up an hour later. Holy shit, you fucking took a nap. You are fuck-

And the bell is ringing.

You rush up to go and open the door... What could possibly be happening?

You open it, and see your chief servant standing with mittens on.

"Erh, sir?"

"What?!"

"Your mother laid an egg and it's currently in her room... She's also baked you a few cookies."

"...They smell delicious. Can I have them?"

"She said to wait twenty minutes before eating them, sir."

They're fucking triple-butter allocate chip cookies, glazed with butter. You are fucking eating them. You jump up to try and grab it. Curse your short legs... This day just gets worse and worse. He lowers the platter to you, and you grab it greedily... Muahahaha...

"...Anything else?"

"She's also planning on making a cake for you earlier."

"...Delicious... Anything else?"

"...She also wants to see you later, m'lord."

Actions

>...I'll see her in a while.
>...Tell her I hope her cake is as good as her cookies...
>...Tell her I love her, the magnificent woman...
>Stuff your face with the delicious cookies... Hmmh... Cookies...
>...Tell her to leave me alone. I just fucked up, bad.
>What time is it?
>I'll go see her now, I guess.
>I have work to do... Sorry.
>Write-In
>>
>>874615
>...I'll see her in a while.
Looks like the tiberium I'd gone.
We should send some slaves to get it.
Though I doubt they'll find it.
>>
"I'll see her in a while, ok?"

"Yes sir."

You greedily eat the cookies, and burp.
Delicious.

Now of course... You should probably find that crystal.

Actions

>Go back to science. What's the worst that could happen?
>...Time for professional evil scientist moment. What if you trapped people in the... Hm, how about... Ephridas? What would happen?
>Send slaves to look for it. What's the worst that could happen?
>Look for it personally!
>...Nah. You should probably help your headmates get their waifus.
>Write-In
>>
>>874662
>>Go back to science. What's the worst that could happen?
>>
>>874703

Are we going for making the AI? Or Internet?
>>
>>874732
I'm building up to it anon.

You decide to work on your computer some more... This time though, you want to see if both computers... The nazi one, and your custom made one, can communicate. You go to your half-dragon form, and grow a second head so Flames can type with his head.

Roll me a 1d20+5 to type with Flames and see if it works.

Also, anything specific you want to say to Flames? This is the first chat log in the history of computers in the world, so I expect this to be highly mature.
not
>>
Rolled 14 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>874752

Perfect.

>"I would like to introduce to the world a creature that is utterly morbid! A furfag! Which is like being one step away from beastiality."
>>
14+5=19

Good Success!

RENEXIZIOUS: WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE THE WORLD TO A CREATURE THAT IS UTTERLY MORBID. A FURFAG! WHICH IS ONE STEP AWAY FROM BESTIALITY.

FLAMESH:FUCK OFF. I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE A MATURE CONVERASHTAIOTN.

RENEXIZIOUS:WOW, YOU FUCKING SUCK SHIT AT TYPING. WHAT WOULD KHORNE THINK?

FLAMESH:I'M SLAMMING MY FUCKING HEADAHEN AGAINST THE FUCKING KEYBOARD, USING MY FANGS TO TYPE. THIS IS REALLY HARD.

You decide to multitask like a motherfucker during this conversation... Such as trying to figure out how to have a "internet browser" work... Hm...

Roll me a 1d20+5 to figure out how a internet browser works. Additional +4 if you can insult Flames over the computer. Additional +3 if you can once again make fun of his waifu.
>>
Rolled 13 + 12 (1d20 + 12)

>>874799

>"Hey Flames! You know if you want another waifu besides the werewolf one, we can always get a dog! Or maybe a horse, pig, or maybe even a fish! I mean might as well build up a farm with Chrysola as your prized heifer!"
>>
You realize you left the caps lock on. Shit.

RENEXIZIOUS::Hey, Flames? You know if you want another waifu besides the werewolf one we can always get you a dog. Maybe a horse... A pig maybe? Oooh, a fish sounds good. I mean, you might as well build a farm with Chrysoula as your prized heifer.

FLAMESH::i will fuck you up i'm fucking tihgg of this shit why the fuck do you always make fun of my wife

RENEXIZIOUS:Learn to spell, furfag. Also, it's funny as fuck.

FLAMESH:mom always liked you more you fucking scalie faggot

RENEXIZIOUS: Mom technically thinks you don't exist. And how am I a faggot?

Flames looks up from his computer, and seems a little angry. While your doing this, you get some... Idea on how a internet browser works... So you try to make your own.

Flames however... Might need you to cool him down.

Actions

>Maybe you should stop agitating him, at the least.
>Calm him down. Your... Kind of brothers, in a sense. And you have been making fun of him all day.
>Glare at him. If he fucking tries to break your computer...
>Type something?
>Ignore it and try to make your own computer browser.
>Write-In
>>
>>874838
>Calm him down. Your... Kind of brothers, in a sense. And you have been making fun of him all day.
>>
You decide to calm him down...

Roll me a 1d20+3. Additional +4 if you can try to instill some of that brotherly camaraderie in him. Additional +3 if you compliment his waifu. And a final +1 if you apologize to him.
>>
Rolled 3 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>874858

>"Flames while I fuck with you from time to time, I see you as one of my favorite people. The Himmler to my Hitler! The Patrokolos to my Achilles! We're like two peas in a pod!...pretty literally actually."
>>
>>874889

I have no idea what the name of the guy Achilles was bros with is. I'm just going with that
>>
RENEXIZIOUS: Flames while I fuck with you from time to time, I see you as one of my favorite people. The Himmler to my Hitler! The Patrokolos to my Achilles! We're like two peas in a pod!...Pretty literally actually. We're three heads in one body, technically...

FLAMESHFuck, finally found the capitalization key. I just want you and everyone else to stop fucking with me. It's annoying.

RENEXIZIOUS:Sorry, but that'll never happen...

FLAMESH:It just pisses me off that you make fun of Chrysoula. Can we at least not make fun of her? She's a wonderful and beautiful person, ok?

Actions

>...You know, I never did take that victory lap with her.
>It's way too easy to piss you off Flames. Just saying.
>...Who else am I supposed to make fun of? Our mom? That's not very nice.
>Fine... I'll make fun of your werewolf waifu.
>I don't have anything against her, ok?
>You know I love her too, right?
>...Hey, just curious... You haven't actually spent that much time with her. Why not?
>Write-in
>>
>>874904

>...You know, I never did take that victory lap with her.
>It's way too easy to piss you off Flames. Just saying.
>>
>>874917

Fuck, meant the first one to be this

>It's way too easy to piss you off Flames. Just saying.
>>
>>874920

God fucking damnit! I am reaching Claw levels of autism!
>>
>>874923

>I don't have anything against her, ok?
>>
RENEXIZIOUS:You know, I never did take that victory lap with her. But just saying, it's way too easy to piss you off.

You feel that he's conflicted between breaking something and just fucking off. Luckily he just fucks off, still angry at you.

You continue to work on the project when you hear a knock at the door, and sigh... You go and get it, and see... Chrysoula.

"Hey, Ren?"

"Yeah?"

"I kind of wanted to ask you a question..."

"What?"

"Well... When am I getting my walk-in closet."

"Oh, sorry. I forgot."

"It's fine, it's fine... I know you probably care less about me then your other wives, since I'm Flames wife. I just would like somewhere to put clothes, ok?"

"Oh, yeah."

"...By the way, your son Mikhal finally woke up from his coma at the hospital. I came down to tell you that."

Actions

>Oh. That's great... I'll go see him.
>Want to come with me?
>I wonder if mom can bake some cookies for his recovery.
>...He just woke up from his coma?
>Does his mom know?
>...Chrysoula, I don't think your lower then my other wives...
>...Hey, Chrysoula... Want to tumble later as part of my victory lap?
>I'm kind of busy... Mikhal can wait a while.
>...How bad was he beaten up?
>Kiss Chrysoula? Though you'll only be able to get up to her leg.
>Write-In
>>
>>874936

>Oh. That's great... I'll go see him.
>I wonder if mom can bake some cookies for his recovery.
>Does his mom know?

Remind me. How did he end up in a coma?
>>
He got the shit kicked out of him by Chrysoula a while ago.
But he got like two nat twenties and held his ground before being knocked into a coma.

"Oh. That's great. I'll go see him... I wonder if mom can make some cookies for him. Does Katariina know?"

"Who?"

"His mom."

"I don't think so... I think she's been worried sick about him."

You sigh... Time to visit your son, Mikhal...

Roll me a 1d20 anons.
>>
Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>874960

Oh yeaaaah, that. It was a fine day
>>
12

You go to get your mom. Maybe she can make cookies for him.
You love her cookies.

You knock on the guest room to your mom... Who opens up, and see you in your little kobold form.

"...Hello? Can I help you, mortal?" She seems quite happy.

Actions

>Hi mom, it's me. Ren.
>...I'm uh, lost. Yeah. I'm looking for my mom...
>Retreat and shapeshift. You don't want to be coddled like a little reptilian baby by your mom...
>Shapeshift in front of her?
>Fuck it. Can I has cookies? Try to look adorable.
>Write-in
>>
>>874986

>Hi mom, it's me. Ren.
>>
"Hi mom. It's me. Ren."

"...Ren? Why are you... Why are you so small?"

She picks you up, and you can see her smile turn into a rather motherly smile.

"You remind me of you when you were little... Aw..."

"Mom..."

"...I made you a cake since your getting a new sibling..."

Oh man... If it's an actual cake... Which your mom made...
Her pastries are fucking great, that's all your saying.
Great enough to die for.

Actions

>...Can I just have a look at that cake?
>...Can you stop hugging me? I'm not that big... Please?
>...I'm not a little child...
>Act adorable for your mom. She'll love it. Maybe even audibly daww.
>So are you abandoning it too, like you did with me?
>I love you too, mom.
>...Can you make some more cookies? Please?
>...You know, I might just give that cake to Mikhal...
>Write-in
>>
Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>875010

>Act adorable for your mom. She'll love it. Maybe even audibly daww.
>I love you too, mom.

A pre-roll for adorableness
>>
>>875020

I look upon my work and say: "That'll do pig. That'll do."
>>
Critical Success.

Fuck it. I'll break the rules once.

You look up at her big smile.

"...I love you too mom."

She squeals, audibly enraptured by your adorableness. She squeezes you tighter then any of your wives have ever done.

"That's it. I'm never leaving one of my kids again if they're this purely adorable! Oh my, your little feet, so adorable... And your eyes..."

She spends nearly twenty minutes just hugging you and refuses to set you down, simply because she's worried you'll get hurt.

"Why don't I make you some dinner? You'll love it!"

"Ok."

"Now, don't move your little feet. I had to get the slaves to make that for you."

You are currently trapped in a high chair, and she is treating you like a baby. She's even making you dinner. In fact, she considered anything you do to be purely adorable, nothing you do is even considered wrong... Not to mention you got her to stop abandoning kids.

Actions

>...Mom... Please... This is embarrassing. I'm not a baby.
>Withstand the storm. Your mom just needs to... Well, let out her eccentric nature by making you dinner.
>...Mom... You are really weird, just saying...
>I want to get out of here...
>...Can I has cookies?
>Your just staying here for her good draconic cooking... Totally. Yeah.
>...Make sure your headmates aren't alive to even remember this.
>Write-in
>>
>>875041

>...Can I has cookies?
>...Make sure your headmates aren't alive to even remember this.
>>
"Mom... Can I has cookie?"

You stick your little kobold tongue out, and she just melts internally, dawwing.

"Oh... Well... Sure! I'll add some to your dinner. It's a nice meal I made once for the king of Thesatadara when he was negotiating for slaves..."

After a minute she brings over a huge plate of cookies, some apple juice, and a nice huge slice of... Oooh... Steak, covered in butter and various herbs and spices.

You love it already.

You take a bite out of it, and smile. She smiles too, patting you on the head as you eat.

"Aw, your so precious... I can't believe I let my children grow up by their lonesome..."

You decide to see if any of your headmates are alive.

Huh... What's going on?

Oh shit, that just woke up Fenrir...

>I'm uh... I'm trying to get my mom to be nicer! Yeah! Totally!
>...Mom's on one of her episodes where she's treating us like a four year old.
>...What? Nothing. Go back to sleep.
>We are totally not enjoying being treated like a small child. Nah.
>Write-in

Let's all agree the best character is Ren's mom.
>>
>>875061

Ren's mom reminds me of my mom really. Cool lady. Only difference is that my mom isn't a dragon
>>
>>875068

>...What? Nothing. Go back to sleep.
>>
I think that was what I was going for, mostly that "she's a regular mom but a dragon".

And just so happens to be evil.

I just get warm feelings whenever I write her, and I love it. Mostly because it's adorable.

And I'm surprised anons are ok with being treated like a child by her.
>>
>>875079

QM on an unrelated note, are the Aztec gods a bunch of psychotic assholes?
>>
>>875086
Yeah. There was some mention of meeting the Aztec dragons, but I couldn't find too much shit about them.

What? Nothing. Go back to sleep.

...Eh... I guess...

You continue to stick your tongue out, and you put a cookie in your mouth, purposely making it hang out. Your mom just is unable to comprehend the adorableness that is you. So she hugs you, and cuts the steak for you...

After a bit, you burp, and she excuses you. She's practically feeding you this stuff, and you must say... It's really fucking adorable.

"I wish I was there for you... By Tiamat, why did I ever follow that stupid tradition to abandon my kids... I could of done... Motherly things with you..."

"Mom. I'm here now."

"I know, sweetie..." She lifts you out of the high chair and gives you a nice big hug, and a kiss on the cheek.

"Why don't I read you a book? That's a... Thing, mortal mothers do, right?"

Actions

>...Sure. Why not?
>...If one of your headmates wakes up your so fucked...
>When's dad getting home?
>Mom... I should be going now...
>...Can it not be one of those childish books? Why not... Lord of the Rings? I haven't read that yet, you can rad it to me! Pleeeease?
>If you want, I can just stay with you the entire day. I mean, just saying.
>I kinda need to see my son, Mikhal.
>...Didn't you mention cake?
>Write-In
>>
>>875096

>...Can it not be one of those childish books? Why not... Lord of the Rings? I haven't read that yet, you can rad it to me! Pleeeease?

Yeaaah, let's just say that they're myths aren't exactly happy fun times.

Also their primordial monstar was a thing that's part crocodile, part toad, part fish, and it had mouths at every one of it's joints.
>>
>>875105
That's fucking cool, ok? That's fucking cool.

"How about... You read me Lord of the Rings? I haven't read that yet..."

"Oh, sure. Why not? It'll be fun." She pats you on the head... And carefully puts you on the floor.

"Yay! I'll go get it!"

You waddle away, your mom smiling like she's the luckiest woman in the world.

"Don't forget there's cake!"

Oh. Right. Cake.

But you kinda don't want weight...
Fuck it. You'll have it while your mom reads you a book.

You grab the book, and begin to waddle back...

Hey. So uh... I just woke up after a nap. Sorry for getting pissed at you, Ren.

Huh? It's fine.

Yeah... So what exactly are we doing right now?

Actions

>...Just relaxing with our mom.
>We're about to read a really boring book. You should go to sleep. Just saying.
>...Promise not to tell anyone, but we're just acting like a kid for a bit. It's nice to spend time with our mom.
>We're eating some great fucking food and hanging with our mom.
>...Just uh... Doing stuff. Yeah.
>...Do something else! You can't risk Flames making fun of you!
>Write-In
>>
>>875111

>...Just relaxing with our mom.

We should also mention to her that we're visiting our son soon
>>
Just relaxing with our mom. And visiting our son soon.

Cool, cool.

You head back... And you give her the book, Lord of the Rings. So she goes to her bedroom, and you lay down next to her, cuddling against her arm.

She begins the story... And after a hour of reading, you hear a knock at the door... The two of you have cake crumbs on your mouth, and are having a really good time, honestly...

That's when you hear a knock at the door.

"Karestina? Sweetie? Can you open up? The door's locked."

It seems to be your father...

Flames, to his credit... Hasn't spoken a word, and seems to be enjoying himself.

...Let's uh... Let's not disappoint our father by acting like a four year old. We should probably hide.

Your mom just pats you on the head and begins to get up... You were at the good part... You know, where the hobbits just got to Elrond...

Actions

>Hide under the bed.
>Use your powers of being small to hide and sneak out!
>...Yell hello to your dad!
>...Try to get your mom to stay with you...
>What? Come on. Your dad would be PERFECTLY ok with this.
>Shapeshift, quickly!
>Write-In
>>
>>875123

>Write-in

>"Hey dad! I'm...a bit vertically challenged right now, don't mind me! Also I'm a kobold right now."

And thus is where I need to get sleep. Night QM
>>
Going to get some sleep too.
>>
>>875123
>Shapeshift, quickly!
Human form.
Let's not be embarrassing.
>>
>>875458
This
>>
You shapeshift quickly to your human form... Fuck... You also begin to get up out of bed.

Karestina opens the door and you see your dad walk in... Slightly confused.

"Hey... There was a high chair out, I was wondering... Oh, hey Renexizious. What are you doing in here?"

He hasn't seemed to put two and two together, and seems happy to see you.

Actions

>Just uh... I was talking to mom.
>I was kidnapped and held against my will.
>...I was just bonding with my mom, yeah.
>Oh, mom was just reading me stories.
>I have to do something, really, really fast. See you dad.
>Kiss your mom and hug your dad?
>Write-in
>>
>>876148
>Just uh... I was talking to mom.
>...I was just bonding with my mom, yeah.
>>
"I was just uh... Talking to my mom. And bonding. Yeah."

"That's great, son... Anyways, you might want to put away the high roller, Karestina."

"Oh. Right. Sorry."

She leaves, and your dad goes next to you.

"...Now, could you help me out with something?"

"What?"

"...I'm somewhat confused on how this entire birth thing works with dragons..."

For the next hour, you help your dad understand that dragons lay eggs, rather then give birth mammalian style. He seems a little weirded out by that, for sure.

"Right... That's a little weird, I won't lie."

"...Well, it's not..."

"It is though..."

"Why don't we talk about something else."

"Oh, right... I was kind of hoping you could help me with something."

"What is it?"

"...I erh... Your mom's expecting a present for our first anniversary... I was... Well, I'm kind of hoping you could help me some time figure out what to get her."

"Really?"

Actions

>...Sure, dad. That sounds great.
>How about later? I have a lot of work to do.
>...Well, mom enjoys gold, slaves, and me... So unless you could turn me into a four year old, your going to need a lot of slaves and money to make her happy.
>Make her something handmade, dad. Women love that stuff.
>...Just let her tumble you. That'll be enough of a birthday present.
>Really? Seems like everyone's birthday is in a few days.
>...Hey, did you know my son Mikhal's birthday is in a few days? Just curious.
>...Hey, why don't you go explore and look for a present for her right now?
>Sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to help you...
>Write-In
>>
>>876182
>...Sure, dad. That sounds great.
>Make her something handmade, dad. Women love that stuff.
>
>>
"Sure dad. That sounds great... But you should make her something handmade. Women love that stuff."

"Good... I'll look into it. I can see you and Karestina are busy, so I'll probably just be asking people what to make her."

He pats your head.

"Anyways... You really do remind me of myself when I was younger. Just saying though, I have the better choice in women."

"Wait, w-"

He pats you on the head and begins to get up.

"And thanks for the grandkids, even if I'm just forty. I expect more though."

"Ok, ok dad."

"See you... I have to get your mom a TV she wanted because it was shiny..." He sighs a little bit.

"Will she watch anything on it?"

"Maybe... I'll try to hook it up for her. I don't know why she's so protective about her stuff though. And me, by extension."

"Yeah... Anyways, I'll see you later, dad."

He waves goodbye, and leaves... Now you have to think what mom would like...

Actions

>...You should kiss your mom goodbye and go to see Mikhal...
>Shapeshift back to your kobold form and spend more quality time with your mom...
>Just see if your mom wants to do anything with you right now...
>Write-In
>>
>>876234
>...You should kiss your mom goodbye and go to see Mikhal...
I think Mikhail also wants a TV for is birthday.
>>
>>876234
>...You should kiss your mom goodbye and go to see Mikhal...
>>
You give your mom a kiss, and she hugs you.

"...Thanks for erh, being that small and cute. I'll miss you, ok?"

"I know mom."

"Feel free to come back any time you want, sweetie."

She gives you a kiss, and lets you go.

You begin to drive to the hospital to see Mikhal...

Roll me a 1d20+2.
>>
Rolled 3 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>876270
At least if we roll a one we won't have to get him a birthday present.
>>
Rolled 1 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>876270
After this we should do reforms on our government and hire that spymaster
>>
>>876289
Holy shit.
>>
>>876306
We don't have to buy him a TV now
>>
File: download (69).jpg (5 KB, 205x144)
5 KB
5 KB JPG
>>876289
Damnit.
>>
Critical Failure.

And you used today's barbaric last night.

You go the hospital... Talk to the nurses, and rush to see your son Mikhal...

As you arrive, you see him laying on the bench... So you go in, and shake him. He doesn't seem to be waking up, when you feel a doctor poke you on the back.

"Excuse me, but your this child's father, right?"

"Yeah... Why isn't he waking up?"

"He's still in a coma, sorry... He jolted around for a few minutes, and we thought he was beginning to wake up. So we sent you a call... We called again later to apologize for the false leading."

"...Is he going to be alright?"

"...Well... This may be hard for you, but we're projecting he may suffer from either long term memory loss, possibly be in a vegetative state... Or possibly never wake up."

"It's... It's that bad?"

"Your son's brain is... Well, no offense... But what exactly hurt him that bad? I remember reports that it was a brawl."

Actions

>I'd prefer not to comment.
>...My erh, wife. Chrysoula. She kind of got pissed off at him.
>A minotaur brawled with him.
>...Is there any way I can help him to get better?
>What do I pay you for if my son may never wake up or be the same?
>Write-In
>>
>>876345
>I'd prefer not to comment.
So one child is in a coma and another one is still dead and with their head detached from their body. We should at least revive Maria before we do anything else.
>>
>>876345
>...Is there any way I can help him to get better?
Well back to the laboratory.
>>
>>876353
This.
>>
"I'd prefer not to comment."

"Right. Well, I'm sorry sir."

Well, shit. Mikhal's in a coma... You pat him on the head and leave...

You head back home, and receive word that Maria's body has come home, along with the elven slaves...

You decide to try and reattach her head to her body...

Roll me a 1d20+5 to see if you can get it to stick. Additional +2 if anons can think about how much fun they had with their mom.
Additional +2 if you can display rage or anger over having your daughter killed and your son sent in a coma. Additional +1 if it turns into an angry khornate rant.
>>
Rolled 3 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>876389
I can just tell we're going to get a lot of ones today since we used the barbaric last night.
>>
>>876356
We can't do shit for him. The mind is something we can't even begin to try and fix with our methods, without horrible consequences.


Our best hope is asking if any of the gods can heal him.
>>
Rolled 6 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>876389
>It was awesome being read lord of the rings in bed. Now the only thing that would be better is if we can obliterate the Elven Dominion an hear their cries of pain.
>>
>>876394
This probably is the best shoot we have at healing Mikhail.
>>
Allowing samefagging if you can think more good things about your mom!
>>
Rolled 9 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>876394
We can find a way to repair the damage.
We have a complete understanding of modern sciences and if we're smart enough for gene sculpting this isn't too far of a leap.
>>876409
She made us steak coated in butter.
So she knows what we like.
>>
>>876419
We would be delving into unknown territory by trying to fix his brain. It's very delicate and if we perform an operation on him it risks irreversible damage like him being lobotomized.
>>
9+9=18

Failure!

You find a hard time trying to reattach your daughter's neck to her head... It just doesn't seem to be working...

So... Solaire? Why exactly do you want to be with a kobold?

Because they terrify me. They're small, paranoid, and wealthy. All things I am not.

Really?

A little. Sir Renexizious, what do you think about kobolds?

So you decide to do more drastic methods, as you get a surgeon's kit out...

Roll me a 1d20+6 to preform surgery on her neck. Additional +2 if you can think about why kobolds are adorable/terrifying. Additional +1 if you can list why they're both.
>>
Rolled 6 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>876432
Their Limbs. They're so small and harmless looking but they have razor sharp claws which could poke an eye out.
>>
Rolled 17 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>876432
They're short scaly monsters that live in the dark. It's creepy.
>>876426
Mind you this is if the Gods can't help.
And risks can be minimized through science and technology.
>>
17+8=25

Good Success!

You reattach her neck... She won't be able to move it for a while, and she'll be bedridden while it mends itself... And hopefully her head doesn't pop off...

So of course, now you need to decide the method of bringing her back...

>Blackguard! This will make your daughter subservient to you, and may deny her free will to do things you might not like! She also will get weaker if she gets farther away from you!
>Vampirism from Frankizka! She'll have largely free will and able to do whatever, but will thirst for blood! She'll also be generally compelled to do whatever Frankizka wants her to do, but not forced!
>Vampirism from Julius, same as above, but from Julius!
>Hold off on it...
>Write-In
>>
>>876482
>Vampirism from Frankizka! She'll have largely free will and able to do whatever, but will thirst for blood! She'll also be generally compelled to do whatever Frankizka wants her to do, but not forced!

We can just help Liz cure vampirism.
>>
>>876482
>Vampirism from Julius, same as above, but from Julius!
We could probably pray to a God to bring her back to life but the Roman gods are still not that potent.
>>
Going to wait ten more minutes anons.
>>
>>876504
I'll switch to >>876488
>>
>>876488
This.
>>
You go to find Frankizka, who seems to be drinking a little bit of bloodwine on the couch. You poke her on the nose and she looks up.

"Oh. Hi. Do you need something?"

"Well..."

Actions

>I need you to raise my daughter from the dead and turn her into a vampire. Please.
>...So uh... How do you feel about spreading vampirism?
>Kiss her on the nose?
>Pick her up and get into couch next to her?
>....So... I was kind of hoping you could help me with something important.
>Want to hang out for a minute?
>Just a question... If you turned a dead person into a vampire, and cured them... Would they die or become alive?
>Write-In
>>
>>876533
>Just a question... If you turned a dead person into a vampire, and cured them... Would they die or become alive?
>....So... I was kind of hoping you could help me with something important.
>>
"Just a question... If you turned a dead person into a vampire and cured them, would they die or become alive?"

"Well, they'd die if they were dead in the first place."

"Oh."

"Anyways... Why are you asking this?"

"I need you to help me. Come with me."

You go down the hallway with her...

Actions

>Change your mind! Turning your daughter into a vampire isn't a good thing.
>Ask her if she could do it to Mikhal later. Maybe that might help his coma?
>Do it. It has to be done.
>Write-In
>>
>>876557
Now this raises the question.
If we scanned a vampires brain would it show electrical signals and such?
If yes there might be a workaround.

OP do we have any technology for checking this?
>>
>>876570

I'd assume not... I don't know if that shit existed in the 50s, and I don't know what to look up.
>>
Anyways, waiting fifteen more minutes anons.
>>
>>876574
I think EEGs exist
So I'd rather we used one on frankizka first
>>
Roll me a 1d20+4 if you want to check then anons.
>>
Rolled 3 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

Wot?
>>
Rolled 20 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>876625
If this succeeds we could possibly cure our daughter and keep her alive.
>>
>>876638
>>876625
Well this should mean a vampires brain functions completely similar to a humans
So the only problem is a lack of a pulse.
We just start her heart and the loss of vampirism shouldn't take her brain function with it.

I don't see why this wouldn't work.
>>
Critical Success!

You do see that there are electrical signals in Frankizka's brain... Great. It practically works like a normal brain...

You also kinda take a DNA sample from here.
Totally so you won't use it in science later.

Totally.

Roll me a 1d20+6 to bring your daughter back from the ded.
>>
Rolled 15 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>876684
I also realized we can revive Mikhals brain functions due to the nature of the spell necrotic healing.
>>
Rolled 6 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>876684
Totally bruh
>>
15+6=21

Good Success!

Maria begins to get up after Frankizka gives her some blood, and Maria seems... Confused. Her green scales are pale, and her teeth sharpen into long fangs.

"...Dad?"

Holy shit, it worked.

Actions

>Hug your daughter!
>So... Sorry to say, but your kind of a vampire right now...
>Maria, I missed you...
>So, nice to see your back in the land of the semi-living.
>Dragotaur form, pick up your daughter, and HUG THE SHIT OUT OF HER.
>So... Remember anything about your death?
>Write-in
>>
>>876722
>Hug your daughter!
>Maria, I missed you...

Now we just need to use necrotic healing to wake mikhal up and restart Maria's heart then cure her
>>
>>876722
>Hug your daughter!
>So... Sorry to say, but your kind of a vampire right now...
Luckily we can fix that
>>
You grab and hug your daughter. You haven't seen her for so long.

"I missed you, Maria."

"Hi Dad... Ow... Can you kind of stop hugging my neck? It hurts."

"Oh. Sorry."

You settle for hugging her lower body, and kiss her on the face.

"Thank Jupiter your alright... I... I was beginning to think you wouldn't be ok."

'What do you mean?"

"...Well..."

Actions

>You kind of were killed by elven terrorists.
>...I just can't believe my daughter is ok. Hug her tighter!
>I was just worried sick about you.
>I'm sorry to say, but your kind of a vampire now...
>Your with Julius with the Undead Scourage party. Sorry.
>Write-in
>>
>>876819
>I'm sorry to say, but your kind of a vampire now...
S
We're going to cheat death so hard.
>>
>>876819
>I'm sorry to say, but your kind of a vampire now...
>Your with Julius with the Undead Scourage party. Sorry.
>>
"Well... Your kind of a vampire right now. Along with Julius."

"Dad, vampires don't exist though..."

"Really? Come on. Feel your teeth."

"...Yeah... They're sharper then how I remember..."

"Pale scales?"

"...I'm a vampire?" She seems shocked...

"You also forgot the fact your thirsty for blood."

Actions

>Yep. Sorry... Don't worry, I'm working on making you go back to normal.
>Come on, vampires are cool. And you don't have to be edgy like Julius. Just act like my wife.
>Boop her on her green snout.
>...Well, don't worry about it, ok? You don't have to eat anyone or anything like that.
>Make a joke to lessen the mood?
>Write-In
>>
>>876859
>Yep. Sorry... Don't worry, I'm working on making you go back to normal.
Science a best.
>...Well, don't worry about it, ok? You don't have to eat anyone or anything like that. Just drink blood occasionally.
>>
>>876859
>Yep. Sorry... Don't worry, I'm working on making you go back to normal.
What was Maria doing before she got captured? Wasn't she in Russia or something.
>>
"Yep, don't worry. I'm working on making you go back to normal. And don't worry about it, you just need to drink blood occasionally, which I, or a friend can provide."

"Oh... I mean, thanks dad. I was... How did I become a vampire?"

"I'll tell you later, sweetie." You kiss her on her green forehead.

"Alright... I guess. I'll be outside..."

"No sunlight though."

She seems disappointed...

"Oh... Right."

"Yeah. If you want, you can just stay in the basement, ok?"

"Yeah... Ok. Thanks dad..."

You hug her, and set her down, and she just sits down to think while you leave with Frankizka.

"Huh... I never thought making someone a vampire would help them."

"Well, it did in this case. Thank you."

You kiss her on the forehead...

"Yeah..."

Actions

>...Hey... Want to spend some time together?
>I don't know why, but I feel like I should reward you somehow... Such as some tumbling?
>Just saying, I'll be busy in the next few weeks with my wife...
>...Anyways, I'll see you around.
>...Do you think you could turn my son Mikhal into a vampire?
>Write-In
>>
>>876899
>Just saying, I'll be busy in the next few weeks with my wife...
>...Anyways, I'll see you around.
I don't think we should turn Mikhail into a vampire to heal what we basically did to him. That's kind of fucking him over.
>>
>>876899
>Thanks.. anyways anything you want? As thanks?
After this we need to check back in with mikhal.
>>
"Just saying, I'll be busy in the next few weeks with my wife. Anything you want though, as thanks?"

"...Well... I mean, I was kind of curious about a few things that I'm not used to in my world. Could we talk soon?"

"Sure... Anyways, I need to get some sleep. Keep an eye on Maria, ok?"

"Got it."

You head to bed... And you see Elizabeth with a bigger stomach in her human form. She's beginning to get pregnant...

"Hey Ren."

"...Oh, hey."

So uh... I think today is the last day we have before Liz is in full "nomnom" mode...

Actions

>...Hey, can you move over? I want to get some sleep.
>...So... I have some rather cool vegetables I want you to try.
>I'm going to sleep downstairs tonight, ok? Hopefully I don't get nommed in my sleep.
>You know... I might get you a wedding ring, and a fuckton of gold tommorow. How would you like it?
>Are you uh, hungry at all?
>...You need to put the kitchen and slaves on high alert...
>...Start planting crops in your little hydroponic garden now.
>Write-In
>>
>>877079
>...You need to put the kitchen and slaves on high alert...
>...Start planting crops in your little hydroponic garden now.
>>
>>877079
>...You need to put the kitchen and slaves on high alert...
>...Start planting crops in your little hydroponic garden now.
>>
Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if you can get the slaves on high alert.

Additional +4 if you can stress how fucked everyone is if they don't feed your wife, additional +2 if you can detail what will happen to their families and children, and a final +2 if you can give them a list of her favorite foods.
>>
Rolled 15 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>877176
>If my wife doesn't get the food she needs then you're the ones who are going to be her dinner
>>
Rolled 8 + 12 (1d20 + 12)

>>877176
>She will eat you all. Either alive or if by Jupiter you are lucky crush and kill you with her teeth. She will then move on to your families and children and consume them as well.

>Her favorite foods and drinks are things like tea,bratwurst, sausage. So get ready just in case
>>
You stress the importance to the slaves... But the kitchen staff just seems terrified.

"...Sir?" says a rather young-faced chef.

"What?"

"I'd like to request leave for uh... A month?"

Most of the chefs nod grimly, one even breaks into tears, and is taken away, suffering flashbacks. They're veterans, and they've dealt with your wife's hunger.

And quite smartly, are deciding to get out of dodge.

Actions.

>Stress how FUCKED everyone is if your wife doesn't get food.
>...Fine, I guess. I can cover for you.
>...If you won't work for me, you'll work as slaves, got it? I need experienced men!
>Come on, please...
>...I'll give you all big beautiful raises.
>Listen, if she gets out of here, she'll be coming for EVERYONE, regardless of where you are.
>...I'll give you a year of paid leave, the finest women, and my eternal gratitude if we can do this. Please.
>You'll be fine. The slaves will be delivering the food.
>Your sacrifices aren't in vain.
>Write-In
>>
>>877258
>You do realize that if no one feeds her we're all fucked regardless? If we don't stop her now it's basically the apocalypse.
We've given them PTSD
>>
>>877258
>Your sacrifices aren't in vain.
Offer to increase their sparky by 500% for when Elizabeth is hungry
>>
"You do realize that if no one feeds her, we're all fucked regardless? If we don't stop her now, it's basically the apocalypse... And let me just say, your sacrifices aren't in vain."

Roll me a 1d20+2 to see if they're sticking around. Additional +5 if you can give them a motivational speech. Additional +2 if you can bribe them, or go into graphic detail of what the world would be like if Liz got out.

Or just an autosuccess if you hold them captive and enslave them, but this will discourage them from working harder, and hate you. And they're the guys who make you food.
>>
Rolled 4 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>877307
>>
>>877307
Oh, and deliver this speech.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsUGU-49I1I
>>
Rolled 4 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>877307
>I believe in you. Your all seasoned veterans lead by a genius dragon. We can do this. And if we don't stop her and just run away who will? We must do this. For a world where we don't hide from a ravenous dragon consuming all life and suffering as they are burnt away slowly and painfully by stomach acid. We must protect the future!

This is serious business.
>>
Rolled 1 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>877307
>Friends, comrades, slaves. Will you not come with me one more time. Come with to combat the monster that is my wife's appetite. I know many of you fear the beast, and rightfully so, seeing it devour many of our comrades in arms. However we must do what is necessary for the greater good. Should we fail and not subdue the terrible beast, hundreds if not thousands of innocents will die in the streets of Stockholm. I call upon you and your extraordinary bravery one more time to do what is right and save those who can not save themselves.

which speech do you like the most QM?
>>
Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>877307
>>
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>>877350
Post yfw you roll this nat one.
>>
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>>877358
Well there's only one thing left to do.
Train blackguards to cook.
>>
Critical Failure.

"Friends, comrades..."

You begin a highly elaborate speech, with lots of pointing... Only for you to hear the front door to your palace open. You rush out, and see they've gotten in your cars, and begin to drive... Far, far away. They seem to be heading to the dwarven mountainhomes.

I don't fucking blame them... Should we punish them at all?

Actions

>...No. I don't blame them at all either.
>...Cut their pay in half.
>...Fire them. You'll get people without PTSD.
>...Do you think we can hide with the dwarves? I'd say we're fucked.
>...So, I think we need some temp workers...
>...I wonder if we have enough slaves to cook for Liz.
>Fucking cowards.
>...Put them on Liz's lunch menu when they get back.
>So, how long would you give before Liz destroy the world?
>Write-In
>>
>>877406
>...Fire them. You'll get people without PTSD.
How many chefs do we have?
>Do you think we could replace them with blackguards?
>>
>>877406
>Fucking cowards.
>...Fire them.
*sniff* my speech shoulda been a autosuccess *sniff* fucking losers
>>
I'd say about 130.

So... Think we can replace them?

I guess?

Good.

...Don't we need semi-fresh bodies though? And do we really want undead handling our food?

Yeah.

Actions

>...Let's just get slaves to fill the position while we hire new ones.
>Let's forcibly draft teens from fast food jobs!
>...I bet my family would be good cooks...
>Let's see if Mom can help cook. She's a good cook. And I love her.
>Let's get Frankizka to help. She can raise the dead.
>...Julius is the undead overlord of Estonia and Lativa, and he's here. Maybe he can bring his undead armies or something to help us. If he has undead armies.
>Let's just go to hospitals.
>Easy fix for raising old bodies into blackguards... We put them into heavy armor and no one will be able to tell.
>Write-In
>>
>>877440
>...Let's just get slaves to fill the position while we hire new ones.
We can also take this chance to find a spymaster among them if possible.
>>
>>877440
>Let's forcibly draft teens from fast food jobs!
Help solve the problem with jobless teens.
>>
You draft slaves and teens into the cooking positions...

Of course, you only have a few hours left, you've planted the crops...

Who are you going to spend your final hours with?

Actions

>...Why not see your mom and finish the lord of the rings book?
>...Find Chrysoula. You need a minotaur hug.
>...Fuck it, brave the danger with spending time with Elizabeth.
>Find Frankizka... You said you'd talk to her...
>...Maria? Why not.
>Just pray. That's all you want.
>Find Hans. He's your first friend, and you haven't seen him for a year by now...
>Write-In

Also, put honest opinions... If tumbling your wife and getting her pregnant would end the world, would you still do it?
>>
>>877479
>Just pray. That's all you want.
>Write in Charlemagne as heir of our empire if we die
I honestly don't know. I think it would depend on the circumstances.
>>
>>877479
Nope
Surprisingly I actually have priorities.
>Find Frankizka... You said you'd talk to her...
>>
Anyways, I'm getting some sleep. Sorry anons.

Feel free to calculate how fucked you are.
>>
>>877548
As long as we don't get sidetracked by stuff like fucking furries we'll be fine.
>>
Since this session is done I'm going to post plans
>Fill out our cabinet
>Cure Maria's vampirism in a way that she ends up on our side of life and death
>Use necrotic healing to fix Mikhals brain damage
>Shore up our navy(as we're a genius dragon we should for unconventional designs like that time we made a siege tank)
>Get a spymaster
>Weaponize autism
>Rockets for spaceships and ICBMs
>Infiltrate Elven Dominion with spies so we can destroy every base and kill the leaders
>Undo the elven ghetto.(that was retarded anyways)
If anyone has anything else please say so
>>
>>877584
Here's mine
>Build positive relations with the Kobolds and make them part of our empire
>Begin latinizing our empire
>Get followers for the Roman Gods
>Build up our navy
>Begin to build relations with our Elf communities
>Start working on rockets and spaceships
>Increae our intelligence services
>Expand our cabinet
>>
>>877617
Oh and we should deal with the embargo from NATO
It would help if we developed a super weapon like a super virus
>>