Also, anons... I kind of noticed Ren went from saying "mammals" and "lower species" to basically just being cool with it.
If anons want to, they can be a little more "dragony" and say shit like that a lot more.

>>865605
>...Hey... Liz? I kind of noticed you were using your half-dragon form a LOT more... The only times I see you in your human form is when we're outside...
>Do you not like it? I'm just curious.

How did Maria even get kidnapped in the first place? Wasn't she married to the king of Serbia or something?

I'm going to do this in the morning anons, or until three more anons post.

>>865655
I promise to not do anything retarded like kill all Elves or inject any of our wives with a mutagen without consent.

Eh... Fine. I'll give anons A SINGLE UPDATE.

"Hey, Liz... I kind of noticed you weren't using your human form too much, and judging from your question... Do you like being draconic or not?"

"...Ren... I mean, it's a mixed question. The fact I lay eggs is... It's weird, ok? But most of it's good... Mostly."

"Mostly?"

"Well.. Not trying to be rude or take shots at you, but I don't like the idea that eating people is suddenly acceptable to you just because I'm a dragon now..."

"Oh."

"...Also because the lust for gold, conquest, and slaves is a little jarring... But I just keep that under wraps."

"That's just normal. So you want to remain a dragon?"

"Yeah... I just wish I could use it more often. Too bad everything is small... Also, the fact I could accidentally crush people."

She lowers her head to your ears.

"...Also because it's really fucking comfortable to be covered in scales. I don't remember the last time I had a papercut..."

Actions

>I can always turn you back to human, you know.
>Yeah, I know, right? I feel like that's the only reason anyone becomes a half-dragon, so they don't get cuts from little pieces of paper.
>...Well, I'm glad your getting used to it.
>My mom told me you might have to shift to your dragon form, since the egg would get so large...
>...To you, it may be cannibalism. To me, it's just dinner.
>...Hey, at least I'm not like the other dragons. You know, calling people "filthly mammals", raping them, eating their entire families, and enslaving them.
>Kiss Elizabeth!
>Write-In

>>865689
>Yeah, I know, right? I feel like that's the only reason anyone becomes a half-dragon, so they don't get cuts from little pieces of paper.
>...Well, I'm glad your getting used to it.

"Well, yeah. That's the only reason anyone becomes at least a half-dragon. It's so they don't get paper cuts."

"Oh, you and your silly sense of wit..."

"Hey, come on now. I'm just happy your getting used to being a half dragon."

"Yeah... You know, you didn't answer my question in the first place."

"I did though."

Elizabeth bats your leg with her tail, playfully.

"Don't make me torture it out of you."

"Are you being serious?"

She seems a little taken aback.

"Erh, no... Why would I torture my husband? I was just curious. And trying to make a witty remark."

"...I mean, you just had anger issues..."

"Had being the key word in your sentence. I don't Ren. You can relax... I just want to know why. And don't just say "you wanted to turn me into a giant overgrown lizard so it fit your nickname."

"Liz?"

"Yeah... Why exactly did I get that again?"

"It was just a shorter way to say Elizabeth."

"...I feel like an idiot. I thought it meant it had something to do with reptiles."

Actions

>Fine, but you'll owe me one.
>Give me a tumble then, please.
>...I erh. I overreacted a little, sorry. I just usually take what people say literally.
>I love being with you since you returned to being semi-normal, Liz... Reminds me of why I married you in the first place.
>...If I get you the ring will you stop asking questions?
>...Fine, I guess I can tell you why I turned you into a draconic creature.
>...Hey, Liz... Are you part Scottish at all?
>Actually, yes. I mutated you to fit with your nickname.
>...Reptiles? I called you Liz BEFORE I turned you into a hot, attractive, sexy, beautiful British monarch.
>Overgrown lizard, eh? Well, your a stinking mammal too. No offense.
>Come on, we're all reptilian master race here. But Frankizka.
>Write-In

>>866112
>...Reptiles? I called you Liz BEFORE I turned you into a hot, attractive, sexy, beautiful British monarch.
What's our intelligence agency looking like?
iirc we only have a couple spies
We must rectify that.
Among other ideas

>>866112
>...Fine, I guess I can tell you why I turned you into a draconic creature.

"Seriously? Reptiles? I called you Liz BEFORE I turned you into a hot, attractive, sexym and beautiful British monarch."

"Was it part of your master plan?"

"...A little, but you are beautiful with scales..."

She smiles kindly...

"You know, you should use your half-dragon form more often... You look quite imposing... Not to mention handsome."

"Aw, thanks... "

"...Why am I here..." Frankizka says, as you pet her on the head.

"...You know, if you want I can tell you why."

"Sure. Go ahead, Ren."

Actions

>...Well... I just wanted you to not get killed whenever we have sex.
>Well, mostly so you could help me in world conquest...
>...I mean, why not?
>...Did you want to become a dragon in the first place?
>
>Write-In"I did it because I figured out my final solution, a cure that makes the attraction to the opposite sex stronger than the attraction to the same sex... It may also teach latin and make them respect me but I had the time and thought I might as well...
>Hey, Liz... Why exactly did you marry me in the first place?
>Write-In for reasons!

>>866833
Dragons Live longer then humans right?
That's why.
>Hey, Liz... Why exactly did you marry me in the first place?

"Well, I wanted you to live as long as I did."

"Oh. Right."

"Yeah. Just saying, your a little bit of a cougar because of my age."

"...Don't mention your age please, it just makes our relationship even more weird then it already is."

"Yeah... Hey, Liz? Why did you marry me in the first place?"

"...Well, my mom wanted me to get married... I was pregnant... And she wouldn't let me marry a sweet and nice Irishman who was in the army."

"...Oh. Was this around..."

"...Well... It was around the time I met you... You remember Alan O'Brien, right?"

You growl softly... Competition...

"Your ex-boyfriend?"

"...We never did break up. His heart must be shattered, just thinking about it." She sighs out... And squeezes you harder.

Actions

>...So you didn't marry me because of love or anything? Wow, thanks.
>Fucking Irishmen trying to steal my women...
>Would you of married me if I was human?
>Did the two of you ever erh... Tumbled together?
>Alan O'Brien can suck a bag of pickled herring... I don't want you anywhere near him, ok?
>...Why didn't the two of you break up?
>Are the two of you still seeing each other?
>...I better not catch you in bed with another man.
>...Growl jealously, and make Liz come close to you. She's YOURS. Forever.
>That's nice, I guess.
>Flames, how do you think about taking care of an ex-boyfriend that our wife never broke up with?
>...Liz, do you want to tumble or something?
>...I mean, I have multiple wives. If you want... I guess you can have a second husband...
>Write-In

>>866870
>...Growl jealously, and make Liz come close to you. She's YOURS. Forever.
>Would you of married me if I was human?

>>866870
>...Growl jealously, and make Liz come close to you. She's YOURS. Forever.
>Would you of married me if I was human?

You growl jealously... And bring Liz closer to you by just so happening to put your hand around her butt. Since she really can't get any closer, she falls ontop of you.

"...Ren."

"Shush... You are mine forever, Liz... Forever, I tell you."

"...Do you want me to get up?"

"That would be nice..."

"No." You say, as you stare at your wife's breasts.

So majestic.

Fucking mammals and their bullshit fucking attempts to steal your racially superior (and attractive!) wives...

"...Liz, would you of married me if I was human?"

"What? I can't really hear you. Your kind of beneath me. Literally."

"...That doesn't give you an excuse. Would you of married me if I was human?"

"I mean... Maybe? You did tumble me inappropriately during our first date... And get me pregnant. I was obliged to marry you, really..."

She readjusts so you and Frankizka can breath.

"...But your inappropriateness is rather a nice nice change from London. Just saying."

"...Inappropriateness?"

"Well, besides publicly slapping me on the.. Erh... Buttocks..." She blushes a little as she says this.

"Go on."

"Well, you also have a little habit of tumbling in public. Such as when the two of us got slaves and you decide right then and there it was a good time to tumble."

"...Didn't you want to tumble one time behind a restaurant alley?"

"Oh, yeah... I was a little... Well, I suppose I like doing things with you that people might find strange or "Oh my God, why are you doing that out in public!"

"...Oh."

"Yeah... I was partially wondering if you were going to try and tumble me in the middle of the restaurant."

"Would you of objected?"

"...I mean... You'd have to persuade me to do such a stupid thing..."

Oh yeah, she would of done it.

"...So is London just that "mature" that you can't have any fun?"

"...The only alcohol I ever really drunk was wine. What do you think?"

Oh. Yeah. That's erh... For lack of a better word, "mature".

Actions

>...Slap her on the ass!
>Even if it's embarrassing? Huh.
>Grope her tail.
>So, not that mature after all, eh?
>Are all my wives this weird?
>...So if I do weird things you like it. Cool. Even if it's inappropriate...
>Well, I prefer doing things privately... I'm just really bad at the timing.
>I see your willing to do anything for love. Thank you.
>Shapeshift to your half-dragon form?
>Write-In

>>866912
>I see your willing to do anything for love. Thank you.
I think we should go to sleep.

>>866912
>>I see your willing to do anything for love. Thank you.

>>866921
After this we should do something like figure out cloning so we can make Maria a new body or something else productive.

>>866927
I was thinking of getting a spymaster so we could start constructing a spy network

"I see your willing to do anything for love... Thank you."

You fall asleep...

You wake up in the morning, and hear the phone ringing... You go over, and answer it. You seem to be alone in bed too.

"Yes?"

"Hey Dad, it's me. Viktor. I sort of found the location they're keeping Maria..."

Oh, great. Not this again.

"Where?"

"It's in... Those little islands above Scotland. God, I forgot the name... I'll tell your defense minster the detail though."

"Oh. Right, thank you."

"Yeah... Hey, didn't you mention you were going to visit sometime soon, dad?"

He seems rather hopeful...

Actions

>...Tell him his sister is dead.
>Right, right. Well... Thank you.
>They will PAY. Mark my words.
>I erh... I see.
>That's awfully vague...
>...If you want, you can come with me. Eating elves, killing elves... It'll be fun.
>Write-In

>>866951
>...If you want, you can come with me. Eating elves, killing elves... It'll be fun.

>>866951
>Thanks Viktor I have an idea of how to deal with this.
If they're still there we know a good location to send some spies.

>>866951
>Right, right. Well... Thank you.

>inb4 "those small islands" are Ireland, Alan O'brien is in league with the Elf dominion and he he's trying to get back at us by killing our kids

Well, guess you've got an excuse to eat your wife's ex-boyfriend.

"Right, right. Thank you."

You hang up... You should come up with a plan... Your defense minister tells you it's on the Island of Arran.

Actions.

>You'll attack, eat, crush, and destroy the Elven Dominion base.
>You'll send spies over there...
>...You'll see about making the entire island collapse and sink into the ocean. No survivors. None.
>...Maybe you can get your daughter's body back... You'll carefully look around that island for signs of a grave. Or her body.
>Ask Elizabeth if you can go there!
>...Hold off on it.
>Write-In

>>866983
>You'll attack, eat, crush, and destroy the Elven Dominion base.

>>866983
>You'll send spies over there...
>And have the apies search for her body as well.

This way we might find other Elven Dominion cells
I also think we should give our spies a shapeshifting mutagen.

Waiting twenty minutes. Allowing argumentation.

>>866991
I'm just saying that patience and forethought might be better here then genociding theseterrorists outright.
Cause information yo.

>>867019
I think we should go there ourselves. We can shapeshift into an Elf and acquire information that way. That when we're down we could slaughter all the Elves there. Also I wouldn't trust spies with a matter such as this.

>>867024
done*

>>867024
Okay then I can support infiltrating the place ourselves.
We should assign someone to rule while we're gone and give them objectives so shit actually gets done while we're out.

>>867041
We could have Liz be in charge for a little bit. Tell Lorriana to design new ships, or something like that. Maybe tell Amaya to expand and make the inquisition stronger.

>>867046
That sounds fine.
We should still get a spymaster eventually.
Oh and I have some ideas for trying to make our government more efficient when we get back.

Infiltrating personally. Huh.

You decide you'll infiltrate personally... So you go to find Elizabeth, who seems to be working in the laboratory...

"Liz?"

"Ren, I'm a little busy... Don't distract me. I don't want to turn myself into a vampire." She says, while mixing a vial with a spoon...

"Liz. It's important."

"Nothing is more important then my so- I mean... A child not having to go through vampirism, Ren. Can we talk later?"

Actions

>Fine, fine. I'll talk to you later.
>...She's obviously bluffing. Slap her ass until she turns around to talk to you.
>...I just need you to rule over my realm for a minute.
>...He's not your son, Liz. He's someone else.
>Please? I need your attention just for a minute.
>Write-In

>>867061
What are of your some ideas?

>>867066
>Fine, fine. I'll talk to you later.
Leave a note on the door. We don't want to spook her with any important news right now.

>>867066
>...I just need you to rule over my realm for a minute.
>>867067
Firstly expanding our cabinet with people like those that handle infrastructure and such(or just expand kryos's role to head of public relations and infrastructure) and giving them the ability to make proposals to us that we can alter, accept, or deny.
It's mostly so we can have people work on setting up industries to use the resources(like timber, oil, etc)we haven't utilized yet or repair damaged buildings and such.

Basically give our cabinet more autonomy.

"Fine, fine. I'll talk to you later, Liz."

You close the door, and leave a note...

"Oh, Ren?"

"Yeah?" You say, as you scribble the note.

"...Isn't the ball tomorrow? Are you still coming?"
You see that your wife's gut... Is a little big... You think she's beginning to become pregnant. Great.

Oh, right.

Actions

>Don't worry, I can make it.
>Hey... Liz. I think your starting to get pregnant...
>...Liz, are you hungry at all? Just curious.
>...Shiiiit. You haven't actually finished making your nation able to produce more food in time for her pregnancy... Work on that. ASAP.
>...I can't guarantee that...
>...Why don't you come with me?
>Sorry, but no.
>...Yeah. And I promise to get you the nicest things I can get you. Mountains of gold, Liz... And maybe a wedding ring, since that seems to be a new fad.
>Write-In

>>867124
That sounds logical. We do have a multiple cabinet positions empty and we could create more to fit different needs. I it just depends on who we pick for those positions.

>>867138
>...Yeah. And I promise to get you the nicest things I can get you. Mountains of gold, Liz... And maybe a wedding ring, since that seems to be a new fad.
Either pray or mutate so we have enough food for the coming onslaught.

>>867138
>Don't worry, I can make it.
>>867148
We could start inventing hydroponics
That combined with mutated crops should make crops that are much larger and grow even faster.

'Yeah. I can make it. And I promise I'll get you the nicest things I can."

"Thanks, Ren."

You decide to leave out the other stuff since she's kind of busy. And another vampire wife makes your vampire wives less special.

Also because you don't want to put the world into a blood tax thing.

You begin to leave, notify Amaya that she's to increase the power of the Inquisition, and you also tell Lorriana to design new ships as you infiltrate...

So anons... PoV shift?

>Remain as Renexizious!
>Charlemagne time!

>>867163
>Remain as Renexizious!

>>867151
I think we should pray to Saturn for a more bountiful harvest. There won't be any difficulty rolls and we're giving more power to the Roman gods like we said we would.

Renexizious it is.

Roll me a 1d20+4 if you can stay hidden during your flight. Additional +3 if you can come up with a way to stay hidden.

Rolled 9 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>867204
Fly in the clouds

Allowing samefagging anons!

Rolled 20 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>867204

Rolled 6 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>867255

Critical Success!

You sneak so expertly that you already see their base from above... You shapeshift into your elven form, fly over the walls silently, and get up.
Whew... What a work out.

You don't think anyone has noticed you catapult yourself over the small compound's walls, and you brush dirt off of your clothes.

We should come up with an albi!

Let's try our best to be charismatic, sauve, and... Be like that James Bond character!

...You've read the books?

Flames had. When you were sleeping.[

...They aren't that good... I just love the character...

Actions

>...Goddamn it, we're fucking nerdy. I didn't even know James Bond was a thing until now.
>...Fine, I guess we can...
>...I already maxed out Charisma. Let's do it.
>...So leave no elf here virgin?
>...I thought we were supposed to be mature...
>...Quickly, Flames... You be in charge of one-liners... Actually, I will. Flames, your in charge of yelling if someone is suspicious, Solaire, your in charge of the British accent, and I'll be in charge of not getting caught and looking cool.
>...Let's not be autistic and just be a normal elf.
>Write-In

>>867309
>...Let's not be autistic and just be a normal elf.
We can't afford to have fun.

>>867309
>...I thought we were supposed to be mature...
>...Let's not be autistic and just be a normal elf.
And our name shall be Legolas

>>867168
Well there's also an upper limit to how much we can rely on Saturn.
Basically they're limited by the amount of divine energy we have so prayers will get less and less effective as time goes on.

>>867325
I thought they were limited by how much people were worshipping them. Start having festivals with more people people praying, pleasing and doing stuff in Saturns name and that would make him more powerful and he could do stuff like making cattle YUGE. Also I want to get on board with Latinizing our empire since we haven't done much of that since we talked to Jupiter about that.

>>867398
They get power from prayer and are limited by how much energy they have.
Prayer=Divine energy=Miracles and shit
And more prayer means more divine energy.
So just constantly giving us larger cattle for our prayer constantly currently puts Saturn at a deficit

So while I'm fine with getting more people to worship we shouldn't ignore improving things ourselves.

My wifu is dead since I'm trying to install my new TV

Also if you want chronically obese cattle, your going to need to give Saturn a LOT more prayers.
And don't piss him off.
That would be a GG right now.

So think of ideas on how to get them more followers while I install a TV.

>>867558
How big is the TV? Is it at least 50 inches?

>>867572
65 inches. And it's CURVED.

Holy shit imagine playing Quake Enemy Territory. Or battlefield 1943.

Let's not be autistic and try to be mature.

...Only if our name is Legolass.

You mean Legolas.

Legolass.

You guys are fucking children.

Welcome to your headmates. They're all cunts.

Come up with a fake name anons?

>...Legolass, fine.
>...Legolas will do just fine.
>...How about... Katar?
>How about Urist?
>Let's go for McElf.
>Alan works.
>Ren. No one will ever suspect.
>If anyone asks questions about your name, just say "Renexizious!"
>Write-In

Sorry about the wait.

>>867817
>Write-In
"Dave, Dave Fletcher. A name so generic that it even sounds like it is the average of a nation's names,"

>>867817
>How about Urist?
>Can we please just take this seriously?

Dave Fletcher. It's so generic that it'll work.

Fine then... By God, let's just try this.

...I liked Legolass better...

Roll me a 1d20+4 to avoid suspicion as you infiltrate! Additional +2 if you can reassure nearby elves that you ARE NOT A DRAGON. Additional +3 if you can give them reasons why a dragon wouldn't be sneaking around or a dragon wouldn't attack. Or just foreshadow.
Additional +1 if you can try to get Flames and Solaire to act semi-seriously.

Rolled 14 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>867859

Rolled 6 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>867859
Foreshadowing
>No of course I'm not a dragon. What are the odds a dragon would attack us specifically? Everything will be fine and an ice dragon totally won't kill us.

And ask flames and Solaire if they can at least be serious dealing with the people that you know... killed our daughter... some semblance of respect would be nice.

Rolled 19 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>867859
Whistle and hum in an Elvish fashion.

19+10=29

Good Success!

You dispel this notion that you are a dragon. You are totally, and utterly not a dragon. Also you tell Flames and Solaire to TRY to be serious dealing with the people who killed our daughter.

...Fiiiine. I guess we can.

We barely even knew her...

By Jupiter, are you always like this?

Nah. Of course not. They're just beta virgin nerds. Your an alpha nerd.

You gain access to the compound and completely avoid suspicion... So you decide to try and find where your daughter's body could be...

Roll me a 1d20+5. Additional +3 if you can foreshadow the elves deaths in a gory and graphic setting, because Ren is pissed.

Also, additional +1 if you can continue to dispel this notion that you are a dragon.

Rolled 15 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>867905
>It'd be awful if a dragon just rolled up in here are us all and we had our souls torn out of us as our lifeless husks are digested and our souls sent to a evil god to be tortured for eternity. Good thing I wouldn't do that because I'm not a dragon and totally an elf.

>>867916
>Are
I meant ate.
I'm wondering if we can use the eye of the north star and only fuck up these elves.

Rolled 6 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>867905
>Man. It sure would suck if that scaley bastard Ren found us. I heard that another base in Britain got exposed and he killed all the Elves there by squishing them with his hands. But at least it's all worth it for Elf kind.

Rolled 16 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>867905

Gory and graphic foreshadowing results in many keks anons.

>>867919
I'm just imagining Ren making lemonade. Thanks anon.

You give even more reassurance that you are not in fact a dragon and that these elves are going to be slowly digested and tortured for all eternity...
You know, maybe you should feed these misbegotten elves to your wife.
Nah. You don't want your next son to be even related to an elf.

The base seems a little nervous about you saying all this foreshadowing stuff, but luckily you dispel the notion that your a elf. The elves here are just getting nervous from you spouting their painful demise.

So of course, you finally come to... An underground bunker.
How the fuck is there an underground bunker on this island.

You just shake your elven head and go in, and after reassuring the guards a little, you eventually come to the freezer room...

An elven guard stops you... He seems... Well, compared to the other guards, quite muscular, and surprisingly heavily-armed.

"Hey uh... You might not want to go in there." He says, with a slight Texan accent.

"Why?"

"Well, you can. I'm just a mercenary. Not my job to tell you where to go. Actually, it kind of is. Freezer room is off bounds, partner."

"Why?"

"...Some vengeful cunt with too much time on their hands decided to kill the prisoner we had. I thought we were just going to ransom her back... We've locked the guy in there, and her body right now."

"Oh. No one telling you what's happening?"

"No... To think I served in the Korean War for this shit. Got to pay the bills somehow, right?"

"Oh yeah..."

"...Oh, shit. Right. I'm supposed to ask you if you have an authorization. Do you?"

Actions

>Where would I get some?
>So the Elven Dominion didn't order it?
>Try to persuade him to let you pass!
>...Threaten the shit out of him.
>Mind if I ask why a heavily armed mercenary like you is guarding a freezer?
>...Why exactly are you in the Elven Dominion?
>Shapeshift!
>...You know, just saying, but I think the Empire Of Sweden would pay better for a mercenary like you.
>...The guy who killed my daughter is in there?
>Write-In

>>867995
>...You know, just saying, but I think the Empire Of Sweden would pay better for a mercenary like you.
>...Why exactly are you in the Elven Dominion?
>Try to persuade him to let you pass!

>>867995
>...Why exactly are you in the Elven Dominion?
>Try to persuade him to let you pass!

"So, why are you in the Elven Dominion?"

"...Well, they have some rather fiery women, with fine ears. Not to mention the pay's good too... And my kids and me even get health insurance and a timeshare to a nice beach in Flordia once I retire. Bet my ex-wife is regretting leaving me for that politician..."

"Oh..."

"Yeah. And all I have to do is guard a fucking door, sometimes train some people how to use a Browning machine gun, or those new... And I gotta admit, damned cool M16s. Have you ever seen one... They're fucking sick. Sometimes I get a Swedish guy who said his mom or something was raped by Renexizious and wants some "poetic irony" when they kill him. So of course, they ask me to train them how to use a Autokarbiner. Nicely designed gun if I do say so myself. Personally though, I recommend the M14 rifle for newbies..."

Oh man. He's really into gun culture.

You decide to convince him to let you pass.

Roll me a 1d20+6, additional +2 if you can bribe him or convince him to let you pass... Or just make him nervous enough of Renexizious that he has to take a bathroom break. Or if you want, you can try to convince him to join you.

Rolled 5 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>868064
Convince him to join us.
We need an elven poster person.

Rolled 4 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>868064
I hear Sweden's making new guns and putting more funding in their military. Maybe you should join them?

>868064

"Come on cowboy, would you like to be paid by psychotic assholes? Or would you rather like to have more guns than you can think of?"

Rolled 16 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>868100

Fucking forgot to roll

6+6=12

Failure!

"...Hey, why don't you join Sweden then? They're putting more money in their military."

He chuckles a little.

"Sorry, but it's too damned cold there... Texans don't like the cold. And I hear he doesn't exactly like elves. I don't really care, but I have kids, you know? So I'm staying away from him, thank you very much."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Besides, where else am I going to find fine elven ass?" He chuckles a little more, and you chuckle with him as well.

"Yeah, I know the feeling."

"...Yeah. Though I would like to get away from the environmentalist nuts, borderline communists, and people with questionable sanity... Or the dismal arsenal here..."

He seems to be slightly thinking about changing sides...

Actions

>...Try to persuade him more!
>...Did I mention they have LASER guns?
>...Did I mention I could get you a ranch in Ukraine?
>Listen, you seem like a cool guy. Get out of here. I'm tearing this place down soon.
>...Try to buddy-up with him? You don't know much about mortal firearms... But they're cool.
>Hey, want to get a beer?
>Try to sneak past him?
>...Did I mention he has lots of butter?
>Oh. He has women. LOTS of women.
>Yeah, he doesn't have good PR. He does have an elf he loves dearly, for his child's sake though.
>...Eh, Elven ass is OK. I prefer other forms of ass.
>Write-In

>>868129
>...Did I mention they have LASER guns?
>...Did I mention I could get you a ranch in Ukraine? You could have when you retire?

File: image.jpg (39 KB, 460x300)

39 KB JPG

>>868129

>mfw QM ignores my roll

>...Did I mention they have LASER guns?
>...Try to persuade him more!

>>868148
iirc it's best of three here.
Excluding crits of course.

>>868129
>...Try to persuade him more!
>...Did I mention I could get you a ranch in Ukraine?

>>868148
OP only counts the first three rolls.

>>868149
>>868150

Yeah nevermind, don't mind me for now

>>868148
Best of three.
NOW GET OUTA HERE

please don't

"...Did I mention they have LASER guns? And you could have a ranch in Ukraine when you retire?"

Roll me a 1d20+5. Additional +3 if you can HYPE IT UP. Additional +1 if you can include fine elven women somehow, and a +2 if you can still make it seem like you aren't Renexizious trying to shamelessly get an elf to join.

Also, an autosuccess if you can cater to his inner cowboy/gun nut/inner child who dreams of guns, women, and booze.

Rolled 11 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>868165

Haven't you always wanted to scalp indians? Do you want to own your very own minigun?

Want multiple wives? Multiple ELVEN WIVES?!

COME JOIN! THEY HAVE ALL THAT SHIT AND MORE!

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>868165
>Come on think about it. Ranching on your own plot of land, laser rifle and beer in hand, with a fine elven wife cooking for you. Doesn't that sound amazing?

Rolled 20 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>868165
>Think about it. The gun laws in Sweden are so you can have anything you want.

YEESSS! NAT 20 BITCH!

>>868191
>>868198

Here's to you anon, here's to you for getting us a Texan elf.

>>868191
Nice
Anyways I also have an idea for a doomsday weapon to keep all the nuke holding countries from holding it over our head.
Also why the hell did we hire a random Serbian as our military advisor?
How good is he even?

>>868212

I also have an idea for a doomsday weapon. What do you have?

File: IMG_1488.jpg (89 KB, 1280x720)

89 KB JPG

>>868212
I think we got him when we were during our whole 'Remove kebab' phase around the time we were invading Turkey.

>>868212
Surprisingly decent. Not the best, but decent enough, and hates kebab and communists

"Well... Want multiple wives? Multiple ELVEN wives? Ranching on your own plot of land with a laser rifle and beer in hand... With a fine elven wife cooking for you? Doesn't that sound amazing? Not to mention I bet Ren can lift the gun laws so you can have anything you want."

He thinks about this... And is grinning like an absolute madman.

"...How many guns did you say?"

"ALL of the guns."

"Fuck it. I'm not getting any younger... I wonder if I can get a personal tank..."

He tosses you the keys to the freezer.

"Hey, thanks kid. I'll see you around... I got to get packing and file my two weeks notice."

He walks of, muttering to himself about if it's legal or not to attach a tank barrel to a car. Or to attach a car to a tank barrel...

You like that guy already...

Actions

>...Maybe you should talk to him some more?
>...Open the freezer door?
>Maybe you should reveal to him that you are in fact, Renexizious?
>...Try to persuade him to leave right now...
>Write-in

>>868222

Speaking of military advisors. I have an idea for one, though it may sound a bit odd. Who wants my odd idea?

>>868221
Well it's a super virus mutagen that spreads fast and either
A:Gives them super cancer(as in spreads throughout the body and kills them in a matter of days)
Or
B:Starts randomly mutating and destroying their DNA until they die(and may even continue past that)
Both ways would be very inhumane (Lel) and painful
>>868229
>...Open the freezer door?

>>868229
>...Open the freezer door?

>>868238
Sure. Also if we're on the topic of cabinet members, I have an idea. We should get a minister of education who's really pro-Roman. Get a guy from Italy or something and have all of our history books idolize Rome. That'll help with latinizing our empire.

You decide to open the freezer door... And it is fucking freezing.
You go in, and see a half-frozen elf sitting... You close the freezer door behind you...

You see the elf who killed your daughter... And you are all alone. He seems to be unresponsive though, no doubt freezing slowly to death.

Actions

>Ignore him, and look for your daughter's corpse.
>...Kill him.
>...No, no. Let him freeze slowly to death. That'll be your revenge.
>Oh, you aren't letting him just getting away with killing your daughter... Kill him. Then raise him again. And repeat.
>...Try to take him back to Sweden. He'll enjoy a life behind bars. If he lives. Or you can just painfully mutate him, etc...
>Write-In

>>868240

I was thinking something along the lines of a mass-mind rape machine. Working with a combination of Chaos and SCIENCE!

Anyone caught with in it will end up being caught in under two effects:

1. A drooling vegetable
2. Completely subservient to the first person to give them an order

>>868246

Since we got computers now, we should make an AI that has a Freudian trio personality based on AIs that made great villains.

AM- Id
Skynet-Ego
SHODAN-Superego

While it may end up being utterly fucking nuts, it would be a fine asset.

>>868274
>Kill him then raise him as our blackguard. He shall serve the one he hates.

>>868279

I fully support this, feel the ironic suffering elf

>>868279
This

>>868277

So who likes my ideas? Anyone? Do you know who AM is?

>>868295
We could make them as managers of cybernetic warfare.
We should put limits on them so they can't go all
A.I is crapshoot.

You go over to him... And break his neck. You resurrect him as your black guard... Muahahaha...

He seems a little unresponsive though, probably because he's half frozen to death. He's little more than a body puppet, honestly.

Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if you can find your daughter's corpse. Additional +4 if you can create a list of menial, degrading, embarrasing, and other tasks to give to your new blackguard.

Anyone else got a list of doomsday weapons? I mean, it doesn't necessarily have to kill people. It could just doom everyday life.

Rolled 13 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>868313
We could create a massive gas bomb we release into the atmosphere to turn the world into a massive desert.

We could have him clean our coins when we soil them tumbling Elizabeth.

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>868313
brb looking the wiki for which weapon I was thinking of

>>868321
That would fucking kill Renexizious, Elizabeth, and other frost-reliant creatures.
Also, that's just mutually assured destruction. Maybe useful if you go to spess and need to do an Exterminatus.
Besides, since most half-dragons are frost-immune, you might as well go full out "gas the environment frost attuned people only."

Rolled 2 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>868313

>>868330
>>868313
Why is it every time we raise a blackguard pr mention one I imagine someone in super edgy, black, spiky armor with a BFS.
>>868333
Yea I forgot we don't into heat.
So Arctic tundra instead of desert.
Of course we'll just make it short and super intense.

File: IMG_1489.jpg (67 KB, 694x680)

67 KB JPG

>>868313
Okay I found it.
http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Ordinatus

I was thinking something along the lines of Ordinatus from warhammer 40k. A giant weapon the size of a skyscraper and one that could level an entire city with one hit.

>>868349
I'm surprised anons don't use more necromancy. It'd cost a lot less.

13+8=21

Success!

You find your daughter's green scaly corpse... You tell your servant to hold onto it...

What are you going to do now?

>Leave...
>...Well, time to crush and destroy this entire base... You hope it tastes good. Maybe they have butter.
>Try to get that Texan out in time. He's pretty cool.
>...Half-Dragon form. You don't want to utterly kill everyone here. There might be hostages or something, and that Texan is still here.
>Eh, you'll leave and tell Elizabeth to send her army in to deal with these guys. No need to crush or kill everyone here.
>Look around for clues of more bases or influenced people!
>Write-In

>>868376
>Look around for clues of more bases or influenced people!

>>868376
>Look around for clues of more bases or influenced people!
I was actually thinking of raising some blackguards to function as an elite military unit.

>>868381
This.

You leave your slave-blackguard behind in the freezer...

Roll me a 1d20+4 to explore and avoid suspicion by scaring elves off. Additional +3 for freaking Elves out about possible "facts" with dragons. Additional +2 if you can totally not freak them out by detailing what going through a dragon's digestion cycle is going to be like for them. Also, a +1 for spreading pro-mass slavery messages.

>>868387
I'm surprised anons haven't tried to enslave the dead to beat their mom's record of slaves.

Rolled 12 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>868415

Rolled 16 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>868415
>Counting dead as slaves
>Not working hard, fighting fair, and enslaving living people
Where's the challenge m8?

>Hey did you know dragons sometimes enjoy swallowing prey whole? Also they have highly efficient digestive systems with stomach acids capable of breaking down metal and rock? I hear it still hurts like hell though. So if you see one just surrender and let them enslavw you enmass. Getting eaten is the worst way to die

>>868434
>Enslavw
Enslave.

We should also level up necromancy more.

Rolled 18 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>868376

Speaking of necromancy, we should head to the warhammer world and find Nagash's books or Nagash himself. Would help us with necromancy by a LOT

>>868415

"Dragons are known to be driven to violent rage when their children are killed! Who ever is retarded enough to do so may end up as a personal torture doll to them! WAR IS PEACE! SLAVERY IS FREEDOM! IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH!"

I'm surprised anons don't pull a Julius and try to use Necromancy a lot more, or become a vampire.

16+10=26

Good Success!

You spread strange and discomforting facts, avoiding suspicion simply because you are so strange...

You eventually come up to a map... And see there's three bases. One in Russia, one in Denmark, and a final one in Mexico. It seems these are major bases.

You also find a list detailing important politicians... It seems Kryos has been listed as a "POTENTIAL ASSET" though it seems he's refused bribes, and has stated he doesn't work with terrorists. There's also... Mikhal, on this list. It seems that there's planning to influence him to work for the Elven Dominion...

You even find a small document detailing someone called "Cortez de Castela", who seems to be related to you... And...

Rosa?

You haven't heard that name for... A while now. Is it the same Rosa in that... D&D dimension?

Goddamn it, you really need to stop having kids.

You also find that there's a list of organizations the Elven Dominion has influence over... It seems there's some influence in the Russian Farming market, but that's really it.

Actions

>That seems good enough...
>Try to find the leader of this base...
>Half-Dragon form. You'd rather kill these elves with your BARE FUCKING FISTS rather then JUST crush them.
>...Leave. Go into your dragon form, and wreck the elves shit.
>Just leave.
>Try to get the Texan to leave earlier. He doesn't have two weeks.
>Write-In

>>868494
>Try to get the Texan to leave earlier. He doesn't have two weeks.
Then we can grab our blackguard and our daughters corpse and tear shit up.

>>868494
>Try to get the Texan to leave earlier. He doesn't have two weeks.
We never did get his name

>>868508
This.

You decide to find the Texan, and after a bit find him drinking a beer, and failing to hit on a elven woman. He gets slapped, and just drinks some beer.

"I can show you a rodeo you'll never forget!"

The elf just walks away, with a strut.

"Have any good catches?"

"Oh, hey... It's you. Want a beer?"

"Sure."

"It's watered down. Personally, I'd rate her a 6/10. Mostly because she's a fuckin' commie, but also because she slapped me."

"Ah..."

"...Never did have luck with women since my wife left me. An "open relationship!" She said. Haw, I said..."

He drinks his beer.

"Anyways partner, need something?"
His accent is remarkably strong, probably because he's been drinking.

Actions

>So uh... Well, there's a small problem. Shit's fucked in a few minutes. Want to come help me?
>...If you want, I can give you some advice on how to get a woman.
>If you want a real rodeo, sleep with a minotaur...
>How the fuck did a Texan end up here anyways? Just curious.
>...Hey, want to drink outside? Probably a lot better.
>Hey uh... Do you have a cowboy hat or anything, just curious.
>What's your name?
>...Just curious, you know I'm a dragon, right?
>Write-In

>>868531
>So uh... Well, there's a small problem. Shit's fucked in a few minutes. Want to come help me?

>>868531
>So uh... Well, there's a small problem. Shit's fucked in a few minutes. Want to come help me?
>What's your name?

>>868545

I'll list some names as guesses:

McCree
Django
Clint
Shultz
Arthur

"So, there's a small problem. Shit's fucked in a few minutes. Want to come help me or run away?"

He seems confused.

Roll me a 1d20+3 to see if you can get him to go early. Additional +3 if you can graphically detail what will happen to the elves here. Additional +3 if you can give him a reason to not trust his benefactors.

Rolled 12 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>868559
>All the elves here will be frozen alive, beaten into a bloody pulp crying in heaps, or straight up eaten, though they deserve all this with the terrorist attacks on civilians and the kidnappings among other things and I don't doubt they'd kill you if you tried to leave.

Rolled 4 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>868559

"The elves here are going to be attacked by a dragon soon, it will turn them into flesh popsicles, eat them alive and send their souls to be tormented forever by a god who's like an evil and metal as fuck Odin. But if you don't believe me, these elves are more than likely going to sacrifice you and high-tail it if you stick around cowboy. SO LET'S GET THE FUCK OUT WHILE WE STILL CAN OR ELSE WE'RE FUCKED!"

Rolled 2 + 3 (1d20 + 3)

>>868559
All the other Elves here are going to die from Dragon fire and impalment. You should just blow this popsicle stand and let all these commies die.

12+9=21

Good Success!

"All the elves here will be frozen alive, beaten into a bloody pulp crying in heaps, or straight up eaten, though they deserve all this with the terrorist attacks on civilians and the kidnappings among other things and I don't doubt they'd kill you if you tried to leave..."

"...Who are you anyways? I didn't catch your name, and I don't think your a member of the Elven Dominion."

Actions

>Name's Renexizious. Mind if I ask yours?
>Come with me if you want to live. Also say this in a German accent.
>Just uh... Dave.
>Quickly, got any dirt on the Elven Dominion?! I NEED GOOD PR DAMN IT!
>Write-In

>>868600

>Write-In

I AM SHODAN! But in all seriousness, come with me if you want to live. I am Renexizious Thorson, emperor of Sweden and lover of butter

>>868600
>My name is Arnold and come with me if you want to live
In an Austrian accent

>>868557
>McCree
If he has a legendary skill with a revolver he is worth every gold coin.
If he says "It's high noon" then we can never pay him enough.
>>868600
>Name's Renexizious. Mind if I ask yours?

>>868615

If he says "It's high noon" then we have truly been blessed by Jupiter.

Also since my AI idea gets to be head of cyber warfare. How about our military advisor be a champion/demigod of Mars?

>>868638
We already have a military advisor. He's a kebab hating Serbian.

I have another idea for a doomsday weapon.
A virus that does one thing.
Complete and irrevocable loss of bowel control to anyone infected.

>>868646

Yeah I know, just for someone to co-opt it with tye anti-kebab Serb. Besides: gives us more Roman cred and a (possible) tactical genius

"Well, come with me if you want to live. Mostly because I'm Renexizious Thorrson, Emperor of Sweden, and I make love to butter."

He seems confused by that.

"What?"

"...You make love to butter?"

You fucked up. Nice translation error.

The Texan starts laughing.

"Nice joke... Name's Sherman Willson."

"Can I call you McCree?"

"Fuck right out of here. Let me guess, you think I'm straight from Gunsmoke for having a Texan accent, don't you?"

"...Can you just say It's high noon?"

He sighs.

"...It's high noon."

"Thank you. You've made my day."

"...Your a fucking varmint, that's what you are. I get asked that question a lot here for some fucking reason..."

"Sorry, sorry. Should we go now?"

"I guess... Renexizious. I still don't believe you a bit. But I guess it's enough of an answer. And gives me an excuse to leave early."

Just a question... I know I was a bit of a dick earlier with the whole "let's be inappropriate and call ourselves James Bond", but can you just do one thing?

What?

If we're going to kill these guys, I'd rather do it face to face. Because they killed our daughter like fucking pussies, and I want to kill them with my bare fucking fists. Well, technically I can't... But you can.

I'll think about it.

...Did I mention it gives us more XP?

Actions

>Fine, I'll cater to you and beat the shit out of everyone here.
>...They have guns, you dipshit. We'll get shot.
>...I like it. Be more manly then them.
>...Let me guess, your going to want us to scoop a female elf up, seduce her via makeout session, and tumble the shit out of her? Grow up.
>...Maybe we can get this Texan cowboy to join us in a posse...
>Nah. I have things to do. Like crush everyone here beneath my fist.
>...Solaire? Any opinion?
>Fenrir, any opinion?
>...Yeah, but eating them would make me fat. And we want to get Khorne more power. And I fucking hate these guys, and I want their soul to go to Khorne.
>...Let's go into a Khornate Rage. That's a lot more fun fist to fist.
>...Do you think we could get Blondi in on this?
>...You know, I wonder if we can get Khorne to get us a deal that if we beat someone to death with our bare hands their soul goes to him. Just saying.
>Write-in

>>868646
>>868671
You could just have two military advisers. Just saying.

>>868685
>Why don't we go half dragon and take off our eye patch?

>>868685

I see what you did there QM, and I raise a glass of rum to you. But anyways

>...Let's go into a Khornate Rage. That's a lot more fun fist to fist.

But warn our new texan elf to run as fast as he can out before we go into it.

>>868689

That's what I was going for

>>868685
>Nah. I have things to do. Like crush everyone here beneath my fist.

>>868689
I'm surprised we never had Hans as part of our cabinet. Even that communist witch we kidnapped in the beginning is part of it.

>>868708
I don't know why either. Anons kind of just forgot about him once they took power.

Let's just go into a Khornate rage.

Sweet. Brutal.

Can we still eat people?

...I mean, maybe one or two. Besides, he doesn't have to cater to your vore fetish.

I'm hungry though...

Actions

>Fine... I guess.
>...I'm eating as many people as I can, I can work off the weight.
>...Fuck off out of here Fenrir, with your shitty vore fetish, and stupid fucking hunger.
>No, I don't want to be fat.
>How about I just resolve this by growing my three heads in my half-dragon form and kicking everyone's ass?
>I feel like being an unstoppable juggernaut. Let's try our dragotaur form.
>Write-In

>>868726
>No, I don't want to be fat. I gain weight Fenrir
>I feel like being an unstoppable juggernaut. Let's try our dragotaur form
Time for a field test

>>868726
>No, I don't want to be fat.
Write-In
>I'm trying to be more mature here and need just listen to the voices in my head

>>868733
not*

>I feel like being an unstoppable juggernaut. Let's try our dragotaur form.
>Write-In

Let Khorne see this, and spew out Chaos warcries:

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
SANITY IS FOR THE WEAK!
DO YOU HEAR THE VOICES TOO?!
MAIM KILL BURN! MAIM KILL BURN!! MAIM KILL BURN!!!
DESPAIR! FOR I AM THE END OF DAYS!

No, I don't want to get fat Fenrir.

But It'd be cool...

Fenrir, come on. I gain weight a lot faster.

If I was here I'd be giving you fucking puppy eyes right now...

I'm trying to be more mature here. Not just listen to the voices in my head.

...Why not?

Come on, our daughter died because we were carousing. We should get more mature.

...But then we're going to do more shit and I have to plan more...

There will be comfy breasts in the future, so long as we all praise the sun properly.

I'm just fucking starving...

Actions

>No offense, but I should really stop listening to your "let's have sex" comments.
>Hey, come now. We're not children...
>...Sorry Fenrir. Maybe next time?
>...Well, maybe one guy. Just so we look cool.
>...Let's just use our half-dragon form. Dragotaur is a little too extreme.
>...So you just want to carouse to get out of work, Flames? Wow, that's totally not slothful at all.
>You guys are the most inappropriate, sex obsessed motherfuckers I have ever met.
>Write-In

>...Well, maybe one guy. Just so we look cool.

Juuust so we can get Fenrir to stop talking about eating

>>868760
>...Sorry Fenrir. Maybe next time?
>How did we get anything done ever?
>Let's just get this done. We have responsibilities and shit to get back to at home.

>>868773
This

Sorry Fenrir, maybe next time. But how the fuck did we ever get anything done ever? We have shit to do back home.

I don't know...

You return to reality.

"Hey, Sherman. I recommend you leave."

"Wh-"

You begin to shapeshift, and he gets the idea...

Roll me a 1d20+6 to terrify nearby elves. Additional +4 for good quotes or saying anything cool for suddenly becoming a giant dragotaur with anger issues.
Additional +1 and awesome points if you can make it minotaur related.
Additional +2 if you can mention Khorne.

Additional +2 if you can mentally think what the fuck you are about to do to the nearest elf.

Rolled 13 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>868796

Rolled 19 + 14 (1d20 + 14)

>>868796

"ARE YOU WATCHING THIS KHORNE?! AND YOU FUCKING ELVES, TIME FOR YOU TO GET THE HORNS FOR KILLING MY DAUGHTER!"

The nearest elf is going to get it's heart ripped out and force fed to it.

Rolled 5 + 15 (1d20 + 15)

>>868796
>What's big, scaly, horny and about to fuck you all up? Me bitches.
And
>I hope none survive and if they do I hope khorne is gentle after I send their souls to him because it would be cruel if he fucks them half as hard as my horns are about to FUCK THEM UP

>Impaling elves on our horns internally.

>>868814
It's so fucking brutal, I love it.

BRUTAL AS FUCK

"ARE YOU FAGGOTS WATCHING THIS?! KHORNE, I'M LOOKING AT YOU AND YOU LITTLE PIECES OF FUCKING SHIT! BECAUSE GUESS WHAT THE FUCK IS BIG, SCALY, AND HAS HORNS! ME YOU FUCKS! TIME TO GET THE HORNS FOR KILLING MY FUCKING DAUGHTER!"

You grab the nearest elf.

Roll me a 1d20+5 for BRUTALITY.
Additional +4 for puns about ripping out hearts and impaling.

Critical Success if anons can make it more brutal.
And have a pun.

Rolled 19 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>868867

Rolled 8 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>868867
>IT SURE MUST BE TEARING YOUR HEART TO OUT KNOWING YOU'LL DIE FOR BREAKING MY HEART AND KILLING MY DAUGHTER

Then rip him in half and impale each half on our horns like sick twisted adornments and say.

>LETTING ANOTHER MAN RUN YOU THROUGH? WHAT ARE YOU A FAGGOT?

Rolled 7 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>868867

>I SHOULD TELL YOU NOW, I'M A HEART BREAKER BABY!

Tear off the arms and legs, use it as a blunt object for beating an elf to death until it's head is caved in. Then we rip out the elf's guts, and strangle the fucker with it's small intestine. Then we rip off the elf's head, then scream out

>BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOOD GAAAASHGHGHAAAAAGH!!!!

>>868867
No puns, only foaming at the mouth and whipping our head around and goring people.

>>868903

Brutal anons? Yea or nay?

This is some Dwarf Fortress level of gore anons.

18+ or older please.

"I SHOULD TELL YOU I'M A HEART BREAKER BABY!" You say, as you begin to foam heavily at the mouth, breathing steam. The person in your arm is fucking terrified. You proceed to rip his heart out, force it down his throat, and only become more blood-crazy, as you rip him in half.

"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!"

You yell as you impale him on your horns, and rip off the head. Which catches on fire.
Nice work Khorne. Nice timing.

Right now, foam is running down your mouth like a waterfall as you twitch angrily, and laugh demonically...

The rest of the elves are FUCKING TERRIFIED and run for it. You decide to add more skulls for the skull throne, and more body parts for your horn, as you breath heavily through your nostrils, and lower your body to charge the elves...

Roll me a 1d20+6 for CHARGING.
Additonal +4 if you can do brutal things to the elves that get impaled or in grappling range.

Additional +3 for horn puns and jokes.

Rolled 19 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>868932

Rolled 1 + 13 (1d20 + 13)

>>868932
Impale them in the stomach grab their legs and pull down. Rip them right in half

>Sorry to say but I get rough when I'm horny.

Critical Failure...

So.

Use Barbaric while your already ANGRY AS FUCK?

>Yes. How much angrier can we get?
>Press F to Pay respects to Elves.
>Nah. The Elves NEED a win at some point.
>Elven Lives Matter.

File: suicide_meme__1_by_elkaez(...).jpg (22 KB, 656x488)

22 KB JPG

>>868944
Wew
>>868954
>Press F to Pay respects to Elves.

Rolled 9 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>868932

For ones that get impaled: tear them off to where they lose their lower body. Breath ice up it's body to turn it into a sack full of glass-brittle organs and frozen blood.

Those in grappling range: rip their skin off and feed it to them. Then have the elves act as wishbones, split them in half by their legs

>>868944

Goddamn it.

>>868954

>Yes. How much angrier can we get?

WE MUST!

>>868954
>Nah. The Elves NEED a win at some point.

>>868944
I feel as though this is poetic justice. We've been talking about Ren being less horny and when someone makes a horny pun we get a nat 1.

Press F to pay respects to elves.

Roll me a 1d20+6 for getting ANGRY AS FUCKING SCOTSMAN.

Additional +4 if you can think about things that get you angry.

I'd say Ren is as angry as an Angry Marine. Not as angry as Angron...
But we're getting there.

Rolled 19 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>868972

We must think about Smaug

Rolled 8 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>868972
>Not having butter
>Elven terrorists
.When buttons won't fucking button
>Smaug

Rolled 10 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>868972
Angron's real name is Angronius

>>868977

Also think about furries, scalies, people who hate butter, Liz's ex, fucking elves, kebabs and commies

19+10=29

Good Success!

You think about not having enough butter, FUCKING SMAUG, and MOTHERFUCKING TERRORISTS... Then you think about MOTHERFUCKING FAGGOT FURRIES AND SCALIES, DOUCHEBAGS WHO FUCKKING HATE BUTTER! LIZ'S FUCKING EX!!!! KEBABS AND MOTHERFUCKING COMMUNISTS!!!!!!!!

You emit a loud "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE".

So you charge.
ANGRY AS FUCK.

You impale nearly twelve elves, and are so rough that their entire lower body is completely gone, and are so angry that you accidently breathe fire, setting their bodies alight, and their organs droop over your horns like christmas ornaments. Also, at this point your mouth is overflowing with foam, and you are nearly choking on it. But who cares?

After steamrolling two more elves into a fine paste, you see a female elf looking right at you... Confused, most likely because your so covered in blood. You barely recognize her as the woman that Sherman tried to hit on.

Actions

>BRUTALLY KILL HER!
>Hold it, hold it. You don't hurt women. Even if they're terrorists. Just throw her into a wall to knock her out.
>Yell "Your a slut!" and headbutt her.
>...Rush by, and slap her on the ass.
>Lock on with your horns. (Specify to aim at any body parts!)
>Grab her as you rush by!
>...BODY SLAM THAT BITCH!
>Eh, might as well eat SOMEONE for Khorne to eternally torment. Nom her.
>Make train noises. There are no breaks. And go FASTER.
>Try to miss her and yell "m'lady" as you rush by!
>Extend your hand. You'll be nice. And give her a bitchslap worth a thousand words.
>...Yell it's high noon.
>Write-In

>>869030
>...Yell it's high noon.
>Hold it, hold it. You don't hurt women. Even if they're terrorists. Just throw her into a wall to knock her out.

>...Rush by, and slap her on the ass.
>Try to miss her and yell "m'lady" as you rush by!

>>869030
>Hold it, hold it. You don't hurt women. Even if they're terrorists. Just throw her into a wall to knock her out.

>>869030
>...Rush by, and slap her on the ass.

>>869041
>...Rush by, and slap her on the ass.
>Try to miss her and yell "m'lady" as you rush by!
I'll switch to this.
But I still want to yell that it's high noon.

File: image.jpg (99 KB, 600x382)

99 KB JPG

>>869030

Also, found a perfect picture to summarize the elves' situation.

Ren may be an angry dragon. But even he doesn't hurt women. Huh.

You rush her... And you decide not to hurt her.
But you do yell something.

"M'LADY IT"S HIGH FUCKING NOON!"

"Wh-"

You forcibly slap her by the ass and grab it for a minute (groping her just a little, you are a mature adult after all). and you throw her face first into a wall, knocking her out.

You continue to charge down the hallway, and see a sign saying "WET FLOORS".

Dear god.
Your naturally enemy.

You also see a rather elderly elven janitor whistling obliviously as the avatar of death, groping, and destruction is charging down the hallway, as he mops the floor.

"Wew. To think, I'm only a day away from retirement."

He turns to see you rushing at him, and he slowly steps out of the way like he's seen this a thousand times.

You of course, jump over the wet floor and avoid harming the senior citizen janitor... When you see a nice bar full of drunken elves. In fact, one unfortunate elf seems to be laughing at you, with one of his friends, who seems to be a woman.. Both are drunk.

"Hey man... You see that scaly thing. Looks like to be your mom."

"Oh fuck off... Looks like your mom." The elven woman says, as she takes a sip of hard liquor from a bottle, not realizing her doom coming.

Actions

>...Charge the elven guy!
>Charge BOTH of them!
>Charge the female! And steal her alcohol!
>Swerve INTO the bar!
>...Slap the woman on the ass as you charge her/charge by.
>Freeze both of them into elven Popsicles!
>Write-In for ideas!

>>869089
>Charge BOTH of them!

>>869085
This picture sums up what an elf is thinking currently.
>>869089
>...Charge the elven guy!
>...Slap the woman on the ass as you charge her/charge by.
Charge by.

>>869089

>...Slap the woman on the ass as you charge her/charge by.

>...Charge the elven guy!

Just grab him and let out a roar so terrifying he'll empty his bowels and piss himself before fainting like an elven bitch

File: 1476335717879.jpg (97 KB, 550x512)

97 KB JPG

>>869105
Captcha ate my picture.

You charge the elven guy... And decide to slap yet another woman on the ass.

What do to the elf about to be fucked?

Actions.

>Par for the course. Impalement.
>Grab him... And terrify the shit out of him. Make him a little bitch.
>...Grab him and throw him into the fucking bar. This won't kill him.
>Grab him, and tear him in half!
>BRUTALLY kill him!
>Body slam that little bitch!
>...Act like your about to hit him, until he flinches... And swerve to go into the bar.
>Force the two elves to kiss. Who says you can't be a bit of a lovemaker?
>Punch him in the fucking face. It may or may not kill him.
>Headbutt him.
>Use a breath?
>...Solaire, charge up the laser.
>Write-In

>>869119

>...Grab him and throw him into the fucking bar. This won't kill him.

>DON'T MAKE ME FUCK YOU UP AS BADLY AS I FUCKED YOUR MOM! POSSIBLY.

>>869140

Was....was it something I said?

Oh! And

>Grab him... And terrify the shit out of him. Make him a little bitch.

This first

>>869140
This.

>>869119
>...Grab him and throw him into the fucking bar. This won't kill him.

>>869119
Oh and I forgot.
>Steal his waifu.
Because he's a beta elven faggot.

>>869172

Or if we want to be TRULY evil, IF they're in a relationship.

N...T...R

You grab him by the foot as you spank his friend's ass, and grope her a little bit... Soft. She seems stunned and confused.

"DON'T MAKE ME FUCK YOU UP AS BADLY AS I FUCKED YOUR MOM! POSSIBLY!"

"Wh-what? I don't know what your saying!" He seems a little scared.

Roll me a 1d20+5 to make him a little bitch. Additional +4 if you can terrify him by doing something. Additional +3 if you can steal his waifu before his very eyes barbarically.

Rolled 18 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>869172
>>869181
Guys, we're trying to be mature here. We can slaughter all the Elves but we don't want anymore bastard children running around.>>869188

Rolled 17 + 12 (1d20 + 12)

>>869188
Roar in his face.
Then forcefully make out with his waifu.

Nah, I don't think it's tumbling. I'm just limiting it to "More alpha then you.", no tumbling this time since Ren is trying to be mature.

You roar in his face (which becomes a burp), and you can see that he just... Nearly vomits from the smell of your breath. You then forcibly make out with his waifu.

He curls up into a little ball, and you toss him throw the door easily. Suck on that.

You of course give his a kiss woman to the cheek and a spank on the ass and go into the bar... Where a LOT of elves are looking at you, angry. And they seem to be drunk. One guy next to you however, is not intoxicated, and is slowly backing away...

Roll me a 1d20+2 to intimidate the bar. Additional +4 if you can kill the elf next to you in a gory and brutal method. Additional +2 if you just decide to knock the elf out.
However, you get a +1 (A +2 if you can make it gory!) if you can use nearby stuff to kill/knock him out, which is a table, another elf, a bottle of alcohol, a ceiling lamp, a few chairs, a candle or two... And you.

Rolled 6 + 9 (1d20 + 9)

>>869219
Jump up, rip out the ceiling fan and slam dunk it on the elf.

Rolled 17 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>869219
It's a slippery slope and I don't trust the people of this quest judging from past experience. It's reminiscent of when we found and took Kutyvoka but here there's more of a chance to tumble.

>>869230
Don't worry, I'll use the magical weapon...

QM VETO.

17+9=26

Good Success!

You jump up, elevating yourself with a flap of your wings... Ripping out the ceiling lamp, and slam-dunking it on the elf, who is knocked the fuck out. Everyone else is intimidated by this, and begins to get out of their seating... All but one guy, who seems to be drinking a bottle of... Salmiakki.

Actions

>...Kill the knocked out elf!
>...Your inner scot is telling you to drink as much alcohol you can. Listen to it?
>...All this alcohol in one place... Hm.. Breathe fire and maybe cause an explosion?
>Go up to the bartender.
>...Prepare to beat the shit out of the elves. And kill them, maybe...
>...Offer the elves a chance to become your slaves, and you totally won't kick the shit out of them.
>Go up to the "tough guy." How dare he not get intimidated by you.
>Write-In

>>869254
>...Offer the elves a chance to become your slaves, and you totally won't kick the shit out of them.
We need more slaves anyways

>>869254
>...Offer the elves a chance to become your slaves, and you totally won't kick the shit out of them.
We do need to beat our mom and more slaves is always a good thing with Vampires about.

You decide to offer the elves a chance to become your slaves.

Roll me a 1d20+4. Additional +4 if you can beat the shit out of another elf. And finally, a +2 if you can give them a good Khornate reason not to remain freemen, and become your slaves.
A +1 if you can envy your mom for having more slaves.
And if you do that, a +1 if you can remind yourself why you love her in the first place.

>>869257
>>869260

Anons, I have a fine message we can send to the rest of the elves for this shit once we're done.

Who all wants to hear it?

Rolled 6 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>869273
>>869279
Sure.

Rolled 13 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>869273
>You can either become my slaves where you will most likely not die or you can continue to oppose me in which case you will all surely die,

Rolled 8 + 12 (1d20 + 12)

>>869283

"You have made a fatal error, you. Killed. My. Daughter. I will no longer be in a playful mood, I will come for you. I will kill your blood, your friends, your beasts. I will kill the flowers in your home and the trees in your tiny fields. I will visit such death upon whatever is yours that your very name will be remembered only in curses and tales of terror."

Rolled 14 + 10 (1d20 + 10)

>>869279
Speak.
>>869273
Grab an elves head and squeeze till it pops.

And have envy that our mom has more slaves but remember she makes us cookies and generally cares about us.

>>869295
>>869296

I have spoken

You grab a nearby elf's head, and squeeze it until it explodes in gore.

"NOW FUCKING LISTEN UP! YOU MADE A FUCKING FATAL ERROR AND THAT WAS TO KILL MY DAUGHTER! I AM NOT IN A FUCKING PLAYFUL MOOD!"

You toss the elf's corpse into a table, breaking it.

"I WILL FUCKING KILL YOUR FRIENDS, ANIMALS, FUCKING FLOWERS, AND TREES IN YOUR LITTLE SHITTY FIELDS! I WILL VISIT SO MUCH DEATH THAT YOUR VERY NAME WILL REMEMBER ONLY IN CURSES AND TALES OF FUCKING TERROR!"

The elves seem terrified, even the guy in the corner who's just drinking salmakki.

This is when you hear running down the hallway, and an alarm going off...

The elves cower before you, as you hear security running towards you. You go outside... Slamming the door shut. And locking it. You see six rag-tag elves with guns aiming at you, and take aim..

Roll me a 1d20+7 to resist bullets.

Rolled 8 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>869313
Good thing we up armored the Dragotaur form.

Rolled 9 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>869313

Also, how is Khorne reacting to this?

Rolled 10 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>869313
Laugh while they shoot.

10+7=17

Success!

The bullets just ping off of you and you just laugh. Bullets haven't even tickled for YEARS.

Eventually, you just wait until they have to reload.

Actions

>Now it's your turn. CHARGE THEM HEAD ON!
>Just walk towards them. And grab the nearest elf.
>Just laugh hysterically.
>So.. Anyone up for becoming a little bitch and becoming my slave instead of dying a painful death?
>Write-In

>>869313

Where are the other locations of Dominion? I remember Mexico is one, not the others.

Also where's Claw?

>>869329
>Just laugh hysterically.
>Just walk towards them. And grab the nearest elf.
>>869334
He's raising children with his concubines.

>>869329

>Just laugh hysterically.

Laughing mad

>>869341

Alright, I was wondering.

>>869329
>So.. Anyone up for becoming a little bitch and becoming my slave instead of dying a painful death?

You laugh hysterically... And go to grab the nearest elf by the head. He seems terrified of you.

"D-don't eat me! I'm thin! I'm not juicy at all!"

"REALLY?!"

He seems to cry a little.

"I haven't read Lord of the Rings yet!" He cries at this point.

Actions

>Nom. It's not that you want to eat him. It's just that Khorne loves souls.
>Oh, shit. That is a good book. Just punch him in the face and knock him out.
>...Prepare to body slam him.
>...BRUTALLY KILL HIM!
>Just roar in his face. Fucking little pussy.
>Put him on the ground. Then smash him by stepping on him.
>HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MY FUCKING BITCHBOY SLAVE?!
>Headbutt him.
>ARE YOU ELVES THIS PUSSY?! GET ME A REAL MAN!
>Just toss him away.
>Write-In

>>869356
>Swear to become my slave and you can read your fucking lord of the rings. But if you betray me I will eat you.
>Anyone else smart enough to give up an become my slaves yet?

>>869356

>"I haven't read Lord of the Rings yet!"

Kek

>ARE YOU ELVES THIS PUSSY?! GET ME A REAL MAN!
>HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MY FUCKING BITCHBOY SLAVE?!

>>869363
This

"SWEAR TO BECOME MY BITCHBOY SLAVE AND YOU CAN READ THE GREAT FUCKING BOOK. BETRAY ME AND I WILL FUCKING EAT YOU. ANYONE ELSE SMART ENOUGH?!"

The rest of the elves shoot at you.

Roll me a 1d20+5 to brutally kill the elves. Additional +4 if you can make the pussy elf disgusted or terrified of you by killing the other elves brutally and gorily.
Additional +2 if you can use your horns to kill or disfigure them.

Rolled 3 + 11 (1d20 + 11)

>>869386
Ah I see.
They're choosing the hard way.
Grab one and use our horns to split one vertically right down the middle and use the remains to beat down the other elves.

Rolled 7 + 11 (1d20 + 11)

>>869386

Let's take the most flammable alcohol here, rip out an elf's eye after impaling it with one of our horns, pour it in the hole, then breath fire inside it, step back and admire our work.

Rolled 15 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>869386
I kind of want to get going soon. We've spent several hours just killing Elves in brutal fashion. We still have to go to the ball and find a place to put Maria's dead body.

15+11=26

Good Success!

You of course, grab a nearby elf to split vertically right down the middle and you use the remains to beat down the other elves...

This does sort of send you into a blood frenzy though, as you charge down the hallway looking for enemies.

Roll me a 1d20+7 for generally rampaging around the base! Additional +5 if you can come up with brutal kills!

Rolled 5 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>869416
Impale elves on your claws and use them as finger puppets.

Rolled 11 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>869416

Rolled 17 + 12 (1d20 + 12)

>>869416
Freeze their heads solid then shatter them

Rolled 19 + 12 (1d20 + 12)

>>869416

I'd like to go with my previous killing suggestion for one. >>869403


And also rip out an elf's spine and use it to whip other elves to death with it.

You wake up... The walls around you are covered in blood, and there's a small mountain of skulls your on. And a small altar to Khorne. Along with Khornate symbols covering the wall, dead impaled elves... Both on the wall, your horns, and your claws... Not to mention frozen body parts, and... Wow, you are covered in a LOT of blood.
And organs.
And... Is that a person impaled on your tail? And why do your feet have blood on them, and smashed elf...
And why are you holding an elf's spine like a whip?

And you have a few terrified elven slaves in the corner.

Man. It's good to be a dragon who's BFFs with Khorne.

Actions

>...Order the slaves to worship you. Why not?
>...Check what time it is.
>...You should uh, probably take care of the khornate symbol and altar. And apologize to Khorne.
>You need to clean yourself.. The ball is probably coming up soon.
>...Get going to the ball. It's probably in a little while.
>Order the slaves to get you some alcohol.
>Order the slaves to take your daughter's corpse in a freezer back to Sweden. Now.
>...Ask if Khorne would be ok with the slaves worshiping you as his "demigod" or something.
>Take a nap. Killing and slaying elves is hard work.
>...Eh. You feel like hunting down the survivors. Why not?
>...Summon Blondi. Maybe he can take some skulls back to Khorne.
>Write-In