Also

Twitter: QuestingQM

Character Sheet:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jI0aGxA_2h3SAcPYri-1fdgskbK3IbtfEzSLJ7VY9gU/edit

Also, new title image. I don't know if it's good or not, so feel free to yell "It's cancer!" or suggestions at me!

Bumping anons.

Next bump.

>>802406
>We should attack somewhere else.
The Netherlands look like a viable target. It's right next to France and it's independent.

You decide to attack the Netherlands with your mom... What exactly will you attack?

>Go straight for Amsterdan!
>Maybe you could extort them in exchange for not destroying their precious dykes...
>You know, you always wanted to see a few dutch windmills. Raid the countryside!
>...Nah, the Dutch are cool...Go for Brussels instead. Belgians are basically french...
>Head somewhere else!
>Write-In

>>802733
>Go straight for Amsterdan

Fucking potheads.

You decide to head straight for Amsterdam.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Can we go to Amsterdam?"

"Where's that, dear?"

"It's to our left."

"I thought you wanted to go to France?"

Actions

>Well... I sort of think the French have suffered enough.
>The french don't taste good and smell terrible in my opinion.
>Well, the Dutch are closer. Did I mention they taste great?
>Come on, it'll be fun...
>Can you stop calling me dear? It's kind of childish...
>You know, why don't we go to France together? Maybe you'll appreciate mortal art?
>Write-In

Bumping

>>802745
>Well, the Dutch are closer. Did I mention they taste great?

Inb4 they're all potheads and we get high

Next Bump.

"Well, the Dutch are closer... Did I mention they taste great?"

"Well, I guess we'll take a turn to Amsterdam then..."

Roll me a 1d20-3 to see if your detected!

Rolled 11 - 3 (1d20 - 3)

>>802842
It's just the Dutch. How hard can it be?

Rolled 2 - 3 (1d20 - 3)

Oh shiet nigga. This might actually be hard.

Rolled 10 - 3 (1d20 - 3)

>>802842

11-3=8

Failure!

You seem to be detected as you approach Amsterdam, and you see the city in the middle of evacuation, most of the populace having already fled... Apparently driving straight for the border!
Huh.

That's when you hear...
Missiles?

You look down, and see once-German bunkers (still bearing their symbolage) suddenly have anti-air rocket devices come up, guided by radar... You count about eight facilities surrounding Amsterdam, and they fire in total... About 240 missiles. Headed straight for you.
And that's only the first volley... It seems the Germans have been investing A LOT into developing counters against you...
Your mom seems to be rather confused by the missiles, which seem to be going for... Well, you and her. About 120 per.

The missiles also seem to be covering the lighter anti-air still getting set up, and you have a feeling these missiles are slow at reloading...

Actions

>Try to alert your mom to the threat those missiles have!
>...Turn back! You aren't getting blown up by missiles!
>Try to get your mom to take the lead.
>...Try to evade the missiles? (Agility, HARD)
>...Try to get higher and go after the civilians fleeing for the German border! Muahaha!
>Get your mom to go ahead of you! She'll tank the missiles!
>Oooh, Missiles! They taste great! Rush them and try to nom them!
>Try to land? Maybe you can get the missiles to miss or crash?
>Ignore them and go straight for the light AA.
>Ignore them and go after the bunkers firing the rockets!
>Write-In

>>802865
>Try to alert your mom to the threat those missiles have!
>Nom the missiles.

"Mom, try to dodge those missiles!"

"What are those?"

"They're the things headed straight for you!"

She nods her head and tries to evade... While you rush down to nom a few...

Roll me a 1d20-5 to see if rushing missiles head on is a good idea. Specifically missiles made to counter YOU.

Rolled 8 - 5 (1d20 - 5)

>>802874

8-5=3

Great Failure!

You prepare to bite down a missile... Only to miss horribly.

Roll me a 1d20+5 for how much this will hurt.

Rolled 3 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>802895

>>802895
Can I roll again?

Rolled 18 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>802895

Sorry about the wait, was eating lunch.

18+5=23

Success!

You note the missiles seem to detonate when pressed deep into your body, and the missile detonates on your toothdamaging one of your teeth heavily; cracking it and causing blood to slightly drip from it... Ow. It seems to be very, very loose now... And seems to be hanging on by an edge.
You evade downward to avoid the rest of the missiles upon realizing their heavy anti-armor purpose, and the missiles seem to be... Well, guided by heat... Too bad your warm blooded. Being cold blooded really would of helped in the not "being traced by missiles" department.

Of course, a few missiles go after your mother, who's much more nimble then you... She twirls and evades them, though she seems to be gradually losing distance between them...

Actions

>Land! You can use the buildings as cover!
>Try to fly into the path of the missile's following your mom!
>You have a idea... Try to reduce the heat given off by using your ice aura!
>Try to get Solaire to shoot lasers at the missiles! You might get lucky! (Will damage you due to lack of food in your stomach!)
>Nom more missiles! (Note, this is very risky since the missiles are designed to penetrate armor and scales...)
>Try to nom the missiles following your mom!
>Try to break your tooth out... It's slowing you down and you don't need to eat something only for it to fall down your throat and choke you!
>Attack the radars on the ground or the bunkers firing the missiles!
>Try to use Necrotic Healing on your tooth!
>Write-In

Max HP: 18,000
Current HP: 17,000

>>803103
>You have a idea... Try to reduce the heat given off by using your ice aura!

You try to reduce the heat given off...

Roll me a 1d20+3 to see if this works!

Rolled 17 + 3 (1d20 + 3)

>>803117

17+3=20

Success!

The missiles seem unable to track you, and fly off harmlessly... You of course doubleback to your mom, who's realized what to do and follows your example, and those missiles as well fly off harmlessly... But it seems one or two has hit her. You look at the ground, and see this has a rather... Demoralizing effect on the light anti-air, which has begun to fire at you... It's flak shells being nearly completely deflected off of you.
The bunkers appear to be preparing another salvo...

Max HP: 18,000
Current HP: 16,800

Actions

>Go for the bunkers!
>Laugh evilly at finding a design flaw in German engineering!
>Go for the light anti-air.
>Check to see if your mom needs healing with your breath or necromancy!
>Attack Amsterdam!
>...Go after the people fleeing. They'll pay for event THINKING your legs are smaller then usual...
>Burrow beneath the city?
>Write-In

>>803147
>Go for the light anti-air.

Ren really needs to lighten up. Some of the greatest dragons in history had short legs.

Kind of like Corgi.
Daww...

Also, Ren will be salty for all fucking eternity about his legs.

You begin to dive for the heavy flak trying to penetrate your scales...

Roll me a 1d20+4 to deal with them! Additional +2 if you want to come up with an attack since I'm a little too lazy to make another set of options right now.
Oh, and additional +2 if you want to yell your revenge about them thinking your short... Because that's clearly on their minds.

Rolled 19 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>803193
Step on the artillery pieces and plow our way through.

"Fucking Dutch lanklets!!! I'll eat your children!"

Rolled 6 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>803193
Funny you mention corgi legs, since that is how I described it in a conversation recently.

As to the attack; flames and Ren open fire / ice while sol eats shit to power up his attack.

You land on the countryside surrounding Amsterdam, right ontop of Bofor's flak cannon, and you are pissed off. They probably noticed your stubby little legs, damn it... You'll show them, you'll show ALL of them! You make sure to hide your internal despair at your legs and channel it into irony by stepping and crushing on the flak cannons, treating them like how a horse would treat stepping on an insect... Or how a salty dragon would deal with someone thinking about how you have short legs.

You let out a roar as you stomp on the tanks, and yell out various insults and threats, such as "I'LL EAT YOUR CHILDREN YOU DUTCH FUCKS!" and "I DO NOT HAVE CORGI LEGS YOU FUCKING DUTCH POTHEADS!"
After stomping around for a little bit, another salvo of rockets are fired from the bunkers... This time they seem to be dumb-fired and moving faster... Meaning you can't take off.

Roll me a 1d20-4 to dodge! Additional +2 if you can threaten the mortals further for even THINKING about the fact you have short legs.

File: IMG_1408.jpg (101 KB, 1024x515)

101 KB JPG

Rolled 20 - 4 (1d20 - 4)

>>803233
I bet that Ren's great grandfather or something had stubby legs. Glaurung was the progenitor of all dragons in the lord of the rings universe and he had stubby legs.

Critical Success!

You lower your head, and the dumb-fired rockets only hit Amsterdam... Starting a fire. You chuckle slightly, getting your mind off your stubby legs... Which only makes you angry again; as you turn your head to see the minor destruction in Amsterdam... It dealt fair damage.

Of course, most of the Flak has gotten the idea to retreat, but it seems a dutch Armor column is moving in on you... Your mother also remains out of your way, probably thinking you went to vent out your anger by yourself.

Actions

>Deal with the bunkers!
>Head to Amsterdam!
>Destroy the Armor Column!
>Burrow underground! You can destroy things safely down there!
>Try to eat something nearby to both fill your eternal hunger, and so you can shoot laser beams!
>Get your mom to come down and help you!
>Write-In

>>803264
>Destroy the Armor Column!

>>803264
>Destroy the Armor Column!


Tanks are part of a healthy diet.

>>803218
You talk to friends about EDQ?
What sort of autist are you?
I'd be pleasantly surprised just to know how some normie would react to my quest.

You go forward to destroy the armor column, trying to once again vent your anger... Also because tanks taste good in butter...
Hmhm... Butter...

So of course, you head forward to the light tank column, which seems to be keeping out of your stomping range... Since they can actually move slightly faster then you.
Yay for being as mobile as brick shithouse, since you can't even really hurt them because they backpedal so much. You swipe at the occasional tank that gets stuck, but this is the odd one or two, and your essentially chasing something that can't be caught. At least, until it runs out of fuel or crashes... However, an opportunity arises when they get stuck at a bridge...

Max HP: 18,000
Current HP: 15,800

Roll me a 1d20+5 to either grab or destroy the tanks. (Grabbing them does not give the additional bonus. Ren will also try to find something to dip them in like breadsticks.)

Additional +2 if you can come up with an idea on destroying them... And in addition to that addition, a +2 if you can yell something about not being short. (Applies to both grabbing or destroying them)

Rolled 7 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>803310
Solaire would probably do a good job destroying armor.

Rolled 16 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>803310
Trust me, they liked it but I mostly talked about the highlights; the destruction of Buenos Aires, the stubby legs, that fact we married the queen of England (since I am from the UK, that one is kinda funnier) and that sort of shit.

Still, you got a fair few laughs from them for all of it.

7+5=13

Failure!

You try to take a chunk out of the ground to eat, but you are disgusted by the idea of eating dirt again, and gag reflectively. The tanks of course cross the bridge, foiling your plans... It seems they're sending you on a very long hunt, and your mom dives behind them, putting them between a rock, and a hard place... She seems quite angry, and leans down to them.

"I see you've been shooting my son." She says, eerily calm.

Roll me a 1d20+5 for parental help.
If you want, you can protest her help, as your a strong independent dragon.

>>803339
Fuck, sorry for missing your update. Kind of in a middle of a rush.
Also, this makes me happy.

Rolled 16 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>803341
I know it would be really pathetic but we should get Ren to eat dirt more often.

>Needs to fuel his laser head
>Just eat some dirt.

16+5=21

Great Success!

Your mom promptly grabs a tank, and rips off the turret on it. Then eats the crewmembers before tossing the tank behind her, which soars to Amsterdam.

"Mom, why didn't you just eat the tank too?"

"I'm on a diet. Having kid does add weight, you know... And not to be rude, but you really should consider a diet yourself!"

The tanks slowly creep away...

"What, this chunk?" You grab your belly, which is slightly overweight. Probably still from Buenos Aires.

"Well, yes... Why don't we talk about this at a later time? Mom's busy." She gives you a polite kiss on your cheek, and looks towards the tanks... She begins to pick them up as they flee, and she chases after them, apparently intending on enslaving (and eating a few) of them.
Meanwhile, your left alone, with only the bunkers and the city between you...

Actions

>Go to the city!
>Destroy the bunkers to prevent more artillery fire!
>Go after the civilians... What, they taste good! Also, they probably think your short or something. Also potential slaves!
>...Now you aren't in the mood... Just wait for mom to be done and head home. Your still rather angry, but still...
>Write-In

>>803377
>Go after the civilians... What, they taste good! Also, they probably think your short or something. Also potential slaves!
Anyone else in the mood for Dutch slaves? I'm in the mood for some Dutch slaves.

You decide to go after the fleeing civilians, as you stomp along Amsterdam's countryside... But there's a small problem.
It's close to the German Border. And you see a LOT of German military forces even from there...
So you begin to double time it before they get across the German border...

Roll me a 1d20+2 if you can catch up. Additional +3 if you can think angry thoughts about being short!

Rolled 4 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>803396
"I WON'T BE ABLE TO PEAK OVER MOUNTAINS ANYMORE. FUUUUUCK!"

Did Ren ever meet his grandparents or something?

Rolled 20 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>803396

Not yet.

You are ANGRY about the fact you cannot look over mountains and see scantily clad women... so you triple-time it straight to the civilians, who you quickly get in front of, and block the border... Oh, and your tail surrounds them slowly. You count... Oh, about 12,000 terrified Dutch civilians... Though you do have a feeling the Germans will not like this at fucking all... You see most of the civilians are fleeing with the families, and a few children and babies cry... Which sort of hit a nerve with you.

Actions

>Squish. Close your tail in on them...
>You wonder how eating 12,000 civilians would taste like... Bite down!
>Stomp them.
>Erh... Just let the children go. You aren't a monster who's going to enslave innocent children and babies, right? You are trying to be good...
>...Ask for a "toll" for passing. Those who can't pay stay behind...
>Let them pass, and welcome them into Germany.
>Deal with the German military...
>Laugh evilly and make the men, women, and children your slaves! Mom would be proud!
>Let the women and children go. You don't have any use for them.
>...Maybe you should just demand to have a few of their beautiful dutch women come with you. You know, just because your around mom.
>Write-In

>>803446
>Laugh evilly and make the men, women, and children your slaves! Mom would be proud!

>>803446
>Let them pass, and welcome them into Germany.
>Write-In
"I honestly am just here to get my mind off somethings and to spend time with my mother. You guys, can go."


We are trying to be NICE remember?

>>803461
I thought we just came here to pillage and vent some steam. Having 12,000 workers just seemed like a good thing to me. Also it would make Kersteina proud.

>>803475
It isn't 12000 workers, unless you want to have child labour and can figure out how to make babies work.


But we did come here to pillage, which we can do by taking all of the TV's, cars, tanks, boats, paintings, statues and books.

>>803502
In that case could we just let the women and children go? We should get at least some slaves from this.

>>803446
>Let the woman and children go.
Finally got here for this.
>Anime is for elven faggots
Thems fighting words.

>>803515
So you would separate literal thousands of families? How about we just ask for an jewellery and call it a day?

>>803531
That sounds.
Doable actually
I can support that.
Take all their jewelry and valuables.

>>803531
How about we take around 3,000 slaves, all consisting of families. That way we don't depopulate the whole town and we don't separate families.

>>803461
This.

>>803557
They are running away from the city we are destroying, I don't think they plan on returning.

>>803599
Well the city was being devastated by a giant three headed dragon at the time. They would probably go back once the dragon had left.

You laugh evilly, and loudly pronounce them to all be your slaves! You grab them by the handful, while they pitifully try to resist... So you put them on your back... But you feel a few of them trying to climb up off your tail (at least those you haven't grabbed yet), and is generally chaotic... You also see your mom wipe a tear from being so proud of you.
Aww...

Of course, it seems your slaves seem very, very resistant and are trying to climb off you as you grab clumps of more and more civilians...

Actions

>Who cares? Just fly off. Though a few people will fall off and you'll lose quite a few of them...
>Make an example?
>Try to instill into them that resistance is futile!
>Try to knock the escaping civilians by your tail into orbit with your tail!
>Try to terrify them into staying on you?
>Cough and say that you had something in your throat, and try to be nice?
>Wave at your mom! Your happy she's proud of you and your slaving skills.
>...Great. Now you've got to live up to her expectations. Demand their womenfolk, butter, and worldly possessions... The things you do for your mom.
>Did you say slavery? You meant... Erh, they're free to pass.
>Write-In

Holy shit anons, my internet is down for probably one hour and there's a fuckton of activity.

Sorry anons. I set it to auto and didn't realize that other people posted (I thought anons were ded once again)

>>803711
>Cough and say that you had something in your throat, and try to be nice?
who said anything about Slavery? We're just here to invite them to move to Sweden for better lives.

>>803711
>Write-In
Offer them a choice, come to Sweden for a special colonisation project (in another dimension), or they can attempt to restart their lives in Germany without any of their jewellery, we mostly want the jewellery and don't really care beyond that.

Waiting 15 more minutes anons

>>803747
This

"Now... Erh, who said anything about slavery? I'm offering a special deal... You can come with me to colonize a NEW DIMENSION, or you can restart your lives in Germany without your valuables..."

The slave- You mean, civilians immediately begin protesting, and none seem to like EITHER option.

"Just hand over your jewelry or come with me. That's your only option."

Your mom comes over, apparently distracted from the tanks. She seems a little hurt...

"Is everything alright?" She says in draconic.

"I'm just trying to get them to do what I want!"

"Have you tried making an example or torturing them?"

"Mom, thanks for the advice, but I can handle this."

"What do you want from them anyways?"

"Mom, come on. I'm kind busy here."

"Ren, sweetie, you aren't watching them closely. Some of your slaves are escaping."

She picks up a fleeing human male, and eats him.

"Now, Ren... You know how to discipline your slaves, right?"

You hear the people on your back appalled at your mom eating someone.

"Aw, look at that. They think they have free will!"

Actions

>Mom, I don't need a tutorial on this...
>You just ate an innocent man!
>Mom, they aren't slaves!
>Thank you for trying to help, but I can handle this...
>Well, can you help me? They aren't giving me their money or wanting to come with me!
>Well, I'm just trying to get their money and THEN enslave them...
>Can you stop? I'm a grown dragon.
>First, are you hurt at all? If you want, I can heal you.
>Deal with the humans running away first of all!
>Write-In

>>803868
>Thank you for trying to help, but I can handle this...
These people could be useful in colonizing future territory like space

"Mom, thank you for trying to help but I can handle this."

"I'm just trying to help, Ren."

"It's fine Mom. I can handle them."

"Well... They're your slaves I suppose."

"Thank you, Mom."

She pats you on the head, and a few seconds of silence go by...

"So... Are you feeling better now?"

"A little..."

"Come on, you look adorable with stubby legs... The girls will love it."

You very nearly snarl; mostly out of mention of your legs.

"Mom, can we not talk about... My condition?"

"Renexizious, you make it sound so dramatic. Dwarves have stubby legs, and they are rather adorable... Besides, your great grandfather was half-dwarven you know."

"Mom, please..."

"I'm just trying to help you, ok?"

"I know, I know... And I love you for that."

"Well, I love you too, Rennie."

You give her a kiss on the check to appease her.

"I'm proud of you enslaving 12,00 humans... When I was your age, I had just over 40,000... Well, not all on me. I sold most to some rather wealthy Caliph in exchange for a magical sword and plenty of gold... You have nearly 16,000, I think..."

"Huh."

"Anyways, make me proud, ok?" She pats you on the head (squishing one unfortunate man she didn't see... Or either cared about.)

Actions.

>Ok mom... Can you just raid the city now?
>Can I have a hug?
>What happened to those slaves?
>If you want, I guess you can have a few of my slaves. I feel nice.
>Mom... They're not my slaves.
>...Well, one day I'll easily get past that.
>...Hey uh... Just a question... Did you get me anything for my birthday?
>Mom, there's more things you can do besides kill, enslave, loot, and pillage...
>Why don't you kill the rest of the tankers and come back, ok?
>Well, I can accept your advice I guess...
>Write-in

Also anons... Anyone else terrified of election day tommorow?

File: 9dc.png (138 KB, 500x250)

138 KB PNG

>>803940
>...Well, one day I'll easily get past that.

>The elections
Pic related

File: IMG_1416.jpg (98 KB, 1086x735)

98 KB JPG

>>803940
>...Well, one day I'll easily get past that.

I'm optimistic about it but I can't help but hold a piece of fear and doubt within my heart.

"Well, one day I'll easily get past that, ok?"

"Aw, you think you can break my record... How cute." She says, with a hint of being amused."

"Well, I can."

"You can do anything you set your heart to... Or something. I erh... Is that the mortal quote?"

"...Yes?"

"Oh. Good... I erh... I'm still trying to handle this mother thing."

Actions

>Do you think I can't beat your record?
>Well, your doing a great job being my mom.
>Have you never raised a kid before?
>I'm not a kid...
>Well, to be frank your a wonderful mother, in case you can't tell.
>If it makes you feel better, I sometimes feel like I have no idea what I'm doing.
>...Why don't you practice with your slaves? You know, trying to practice being nice towards me towards them?
>Mind if I ask what your records are? I plan on breaking them all.
>That's it, I'm breaking that slave-owning records and soon.
>Write-In

>>804002
>That's it, I'm breaking that slave-owning records and soon.

"Well, that settles it. I'm breaking your slave-owning record and soon."

She pats your head, slightly entertained.

"Well, feel free to have at it... If you get triple of what I have, I might just get you a present."

"Really? Well, I'll take it into consideration."

"Well, you have ambition and that's good... And no offense, but much more then your brother Richard... If only he was more ambitious and less... Well, good. He reminds me of my father a little too much..." She says.

"Erh... Don't like Richard much?"

"What? He's my first child, of course I love him... He just has a habit of being good and unambitious... If only I raised him instead of him being found by humans..."

Actions

>Mom, can you not say that stuff about Richard? I don't want to be your favorite...
>If you want, one day I could make him like you... I think.
>Come on, he's a great guy.
>Well, let's stop talking... I have a lot to do.
>Come on, why don't we break your 3 year old record together? It'll be fun.
>So... How much is 120,000 slaves? As in, what's the nearest country?
>I'll beat that in less then a month.
>Write-in

>>804053
>Well, let's stop talking... I have a lot to do.

Kek, look at what I found.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0UyU99eKD8C

"Come on, let's stop talking... I have a lot to do."

Quite a few people seem to be rushing away while you were distracted... About 1000 out of 11,000 of the slaves are fleeing...

Actions

>Ignore them.
>...Make examples out of them?
>Terrify them into coming back?
>Focus on getting your people on your back to give you their money (Or servitude! Or you could just lie and ask for their money and enslave them anyways!)
>Fly off... You have enough slaves.
>Try to reason with the dutch escapees to come back?
>Write-In

>>804080
>Try to reason with the dutch escapees to come back?

>>804080
>Fly off... You have enough slaves.
German military at border. Just not make scene.

Fifteen more minutes anons.

>>804088
This.

Roll me a 1d20+3 to reason! Additional +2 if you can give a good argument to become your Not-Slaves/Colonists!

Rolled 20 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>804139
There will be untold riches and acres of land for you if you join me.

Rolled 5 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>804139
If you keep running I'll just kill you all

Critical Success!

"If you come with me, there will be untold riches and acres of land for you if you join me... But if you keep running, I'll just kill you all. Man, wife, and child... I bet you all taste delicious."

After this slightly concerning comment, those who are running halt, thinking with their little minds whether to come or not. Either way, you grab them and begin to fly up in the air after having just enslaved most of the population of Amsterdam.

Or just made them into colonists. Either way.

So, we want to colonize?

With slaves, yes.

Why not just send them to factories or something? Just saying.

Well, I want to set up a colony...

We can just use our own people to do that... Half dragon people, mind you.

Actions

>Well, I was just lying to them about the colonization thing. We'll throw them into factories or something.
>We need more test subjects actually... All those anti-fascists are beginning to run thin.
>Why don't we make them enslaved servants? By that, I mean we make them "servants".
>...Why don't we try to start a bigger cult of Khorne? He loves new followers.
>I have an idea... Why don't we sell them? I bet the Egyptians will give us a fair price...
>We need more slaves... Let's raid somewhere else.
>Go for the city!
>They're colonizing, no buts about it.
>Let's send them to work in Hansodr... The factory city if you will.
>Write-In for what else you'll do with them.

>>804254
>They're colonizing, no buts about it.
We should eventually start a space program. We can eventually make our own little interstellar empire. It could also serve as a gateway to a tertiary quest which is like a rogue trader but in EDQ universe and serving Ren.

>>804277
This. It's fucking perfect.

They're colonizing, not buts about it.

But uh... Where?

Actions

>That's easy... They'll be our first space colonists! If we can of course, get into space without dying.
>How about that warhammer dimension? I mean, my refinery could always use more slaves...
>How about... That D&D world? They could use that little hobbit place as a starting ground...
>Let's send them to Wonderful Hitler Dragon Land.
>Let's hold off on it.
>Write-In

>>804323
>That's easy... They'll be our first space colonists! If we can of course, get into space without dying.

What's 'wonder Hitlers dragon land'?

>>804319
I remember talking about it during werewolf Reich quest 2. I also found a poll related to it.
http://www.strawpoll.me/11391184/

Well, we're sending them to space!

...Ok?

Yeah, it'll be cool as fuck. Now... Where were we?

You look out to Amsterdam... And see the German Empire's soldiers begin to encroach onto the territory. Your mom flies up with you, and you think you just helped the Germans out. Even if you did abduct the general populace...

Actions

>You should stop the Germans getting more territory... Turn around!
>Who cares? Your son is the Co-Kaiser. He has SOME power.
>Thank your mom for a great time out!
>Write-in

>>804377
>Who cares? Your son is the Co-Kaiser. He has SOME power.
>Thank your mom for a great time out!

You thank your mom politely, and begin to fly homeward...

After a little while, you remember Frankizka was hanging onto your feet, and eventually you land... And basically tell your slave- You mean, colonists to run off. So you shift down to your human form, and see Frankizka behind you... Only SLIGHTLY pissed.

Slightly being a understatement, honestly. She also seems sick from the flight, and you wait until your mom leaves to talk.

"So, why did you follow me?"

"Well, mostly because I found your crying amusing. Also because there's very little to do and I was interested to see what would happen."

"And were you pleased?"

"Hell no."

"...I see."

"First, attacking an entire city just because you feel like it? Second of all, forcibly enslaving their populace and ordering them to hand over their money? You basically declared war for no reason!"

"Come on, It wasn't war. Also, it was fun, you gotta admit."

She seems angry.

"So you just attacked something because you felt like it?"

"Well... Yeah."

"Why? Not to sound like a child, but you need a reason to just go into a town and attack it!"

"City."

"I'm tired of your enslavement damn it. Can you just stop it with it?"

"Stop enslaving people?"

"No, being a massive asshole and just casually destroying the countryside and killing without reason!"

"That's kind of the main thing that a dragon does..."

"So? I thought you were better then them. You seemed eager to help me with Mousilion. I even heard you say that you were going to try and be a "good guy", and either you lied, or you have almost NO understanding of what a good person does."

"Listen, this world needs a strong grip, an-"

"I don't want an explanation, damn it." She storms off, angry as hell.

You know for a vampire, she's rather sensitive. And moralistic.

Better then a edgy vampire.

You know, I think it's that time of the month again with her...

Actions

>God, she just can't understand that dragons have a natural need to destroy things... And enslave, and be awesome.
>You know... I think we need to reduce her morals a little. Just a little.
>She'll get over it.
>Honestly, who cares...
>Fuck... I wish I had less wives at time, it would make my job a lot easier...
>We need to make up our destructive and enslaving habits. Any ideas?
>Write-In

>>804464
>She'll get over it.
>Honestly, who cares...

We all know that she's too much in love with that dragon D

>>804464
>We need to make up our destructive and enslaving habits. Any ideas?

She'll get over it eventually... But we need to make up for our destructive and enslaving habits. Any ideas?

No one really answers.

...We could make a garden?

I don't think she likes gardens.

How about going on a personal date with her or something?

She's not very social.[r/ed]

...We could just tumble her?[/]i]

...That wouldn't make up for it exactly.

Fucketh, I don't know what a vampiric maiden would like.

I mean, maybe food?

Fenrir, we all love food but I don't think that... When was the last time she drank anything anyways?

I think two weeks ago?

Upon remembering, you note that she's been a little more pale then usual... Huh.

Well, guess it IS that time of the month. To feed our wife.

Actions

>Come on, now we have an excuse to see her.
>Maybe mutagen?
>Tumbling isn't half a bad idea right now...
>I like the idea on going on a date with her.
>Maybe we should get her a present or something...
>Eh, how about... Nothing? She's fine...
>You know, maybe we should build something for her...
>Maybe she'd like it if we let her make a few vampires in our court? I mean, what's a few more fangy friends?
>...Maybe we could try to convert more people to her religion?
>Write-In

>>804533
>Come on, now we have an excuse to see her.

>>804533
>Come on, now we have an excuse to see her.

We should really get back to running our empire though

Come on, now we have an excuse to see her...

You follow the angry vampire... Who seems to be going to a guest room? And goes up some stairs to the attic?

You never actually knew you had an attic. Huh. So you begin to climb up the ladder much more loudly then she did, and crawl up... You don't see her, but you have a feeling she's in the room.

Actions

>Hey, I want to talk...
>Until you apologize, I won't let you drink my blood.
>Are you really pissed at the only person who can handle having their blood drunk?
>Are you up here?
>I just wanted to say that I didn't mean to offend you... I'm sorry, ok?
>Wanna tumble? Oh, and drink my blood?
>Write-In

>>804571
>>Hey, I want to talk...
>Wanna drink my blood?

"Frankizka? I want to talk? Also, do you want to drink my blood?"

You hear a frustrated sigh and she comes out.

"Sure. Why not?" She says.

"Well, come on. Bite down. We'll talk after you drank a little..."

She begins draining...

Roll me a 1d20+6 to handle it!

Rolled 8 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>804608
We got this

Rolled 4 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>804608

Rolled 15 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>804608

8+6=14

Borderline Success!

She drinks quite a bit from you... A little bit more then usual. She eventually stops biting on your neck, and you feel quite tired... And decide to rest on the floor just a little...

"What did you want to talk about?"

Actions

>Well, I'm here to just apologize about pissing you off earlier.
>That's all I wanted...
>I'm not.. I'm not small am I? Is that the problem?
>Can you just hug me? Please?
>How is Chrysoula? I think I gave her some small burns earlier today...
>Wanna head back to my bed? It's probably more comfy then this place.
>I'm just apologizing for going out of character... I'm trying my best.
>I need your help... I can't really control myself when it comes to evil...
>Do you want to hang out some time?
>Write-In

>>804625
>I'm just apologizing for going out of character... I'm trying my best.
>Do you want to hang out some time?

"Listen, I'm apologizing for going out of character, ok? I'm trying my best here. But do you want to hang out sometime?"

"I guess."

"Great. I'll see you later, ok?"

"I know. I'm sleeping up here for tonight though."

"Fine then."

You begin to descend and close the hatch...

Actions

>You should see how Elizabeth is doing.
>Eh, visit Chrysoula... You did slightly burn her after all.
>Time to deal with problems... Now, what's on the agenda...
>Holy shit, isn't it Halloween? You said you'd hang out with Julius! Maybe you should find him!
>Maybe you should see where your dad is...
>Write-In

>>804673
>Holy shit, isn't it Halloween? You said you'd hang out with Julius! Maybe you should find him!
Damn is our agenda perpetually full

>>804673
>Time to deal with problems... Now, what's on the agenda...

Waiting fifteen more minutes anons.

Rolled 1 (1d2)

Rolling

1=Go to Julius!
2=Deal with problems!

You decide to go to Julius, who you find getting dressed up in his new black robes in his guest room. Which he appropriated.

"Hey, Julius?"

He turns around.

"Hey dad. You came?"

'Well, yeah... I might be busy, but I try to make time for my family. Anyways, what's the plan?"

"I was erh... Getting ready actually."

"Huh. So, mind if I ask why your doing this?"

"What? Halloween?"

"Well, yeah."

"Erh... Well... I was mostly curious why people actually celebrate this holiday, after all it's roots are mostly rooted in paganic folklo-"

"Please don't go into a scientific lecture."

"Right... Erh, sorry.'

"No problem... So, any halloween parties with friends, girlfriends... Anything?"

"...No? I've never been popular, dad."

"Right... Forgot you didn't have friends."

"It's a waste on socio-economic timeframe to actually have friends as th-"

"No. Please no lecture."

"It's erh... My thing though."

"Please. No."

He just kind of awkwardly scratches the back of his head.

"Well... I mean, alright. So... Any idea on how halloween works?"

"Nope."

"Me neither... All of the books on it were childish."

"I thought you'd read anything?"

"I have a modicum of self-respect..."

"You don't have friends though. Who'd judge you?'

"That's a... That's actually a good point."

"Thank you very much..."

"Anyways, let me just get my glasses..."

"Whow, hold on... You wear glasses? Since when?"

"Special glasses... Seeing in the dark fucks with your eyes like hell. So I erh... I wearing glasses."

"Right... Well, look out in case anyone calls you four-eyed Julius."

"...I fail to see how exactly having four eyes is a insult, as logically I'd be able to see things better..."

"Oh Julius... So, come on... Let's see... How are we doing this?"

"I think you need a costume... But uh, have anyone you want to bring along?"

"Any favorites?"

"I mean, I'd like to just hang out with you. But if you bring someone else, that's erh... Well, that would be... What's the word... Cooling?"

"Cooling?'

"...I'm trying to at least try to be up to date on verbs."

"It's cool... Now, what to bring along..."

Actions

>Let's see... How about Elizabeth?
>Frankizka would love this holiday...
>You know what? Other people can celebrate by themselves. Your hanging out with your nerdy vampire kid!
>Why not Chrysoula? She kind of has a costume...
>Let's bring Kryos.
>Victor? The American?
>Is Charlemagne here? I'd like to hang out with my sons.
>Is Basil here?
>Everyone!
>Write-in

>>804856
>Renexizia
>Basil
>Charlemagne

>>804856
>Basil
>Renexizia

Halloween is ended several days ago. Just saying.

>>804898
Wow, holy fuck thank you for your random trivia facts.

"Well, how about the family? Renexizia, Basil... Charlemagne..."

"Well, I mean it's up to you..." He seems slightly disappointed.

"Come on, it'll be fun..."

I have a really, really good question. Is it a good idea to give Renexizia candy?

Actions.

>...Erh, nevermind her then. Nope.
>Come on, what's the worst that could happen.
>...We'll make sure to give her the candy without sugar...
>Do you think she'd like it if we just asked for table butter?
>...She'll be fiiiineeee.
>Nevermind... Julius kind of just wants to be alone with me. So no other kids.
>...Do you want Chrysoula along with you?
>Write-In

>>804959
>What could possibly go wrong?
>We'll be fine.
>I mean what's the worst that she could do?

File: IMG_1418.png (98 KB, 612x491)

98 KB PNG

>>804959
>...She'll be fiiiineeee.

np OP

Come on, what could possibly go wrong? We'll be fine. I mean, what's the worst she could do?

She could go full omnomnom mode or something. Or she could try to befriend EVERYONE.

Pleeeease. She's not going to go crazy or anything.

You walk away, to find Renexizia...

Roll me a 1d20+4 to see if she's been productive.
Additional +2 if you can give me an idea for Renexizia's shenanigans.

Rolled 2 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>805008
Goodbye stocks of butter.
Hello new butter covered hallways

Rolled 10 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>805008
How much longer until she reaches relative adulthood?

A week until she becomes a teen anon.

10+6=16

It takes you a while... But eventually you find Renexizia.

In your dungeon.
Shit.

You go down, and see she's evaded the few traps you set up, and has made it to your library... Where you smell smoke from.

OH FUCK NO SHE DIDN'T BURN YOUR FUCKING BOOKS!

You rush into save Mein Kampf, but as you look in you see Renexizia... With a stick put through a book, which...

Oh my God.
It's Mein Kampf.

She is cooking Mein Kampf over the firepalce. And she turns to see you.

"Hi dad!"

You nearly faint as you see Hitler's face slowly melt away, looking disappointed. You settle for just going onto your knees.
Hitler signed that book.

"Dad? Is something wrong?"

"W-why?"

"Huh? Books taste good cooked! Want some?"

She bites Mein Kampf and eats it. She smiles childishly and you curl up into a ball and begin to rock back in forth.

"Is something wrong?"

You can't even answer as you look around your library, most of the books either damaged slightly or missing.

You should of paid that extra 5 dollars for a childproof door...

Renexizia comes over.

"Daaad? Are you ok?"

You are slightly comatose.

"Is this about the books? I saved two books for you."

She takes out your nazi scientist book... And...

Mein Kampf.
The signed version.

You grab and hug it. You had many wild nights with this book, and Adolf's smiling face...

You give it a slight kiss, and relax on the floor.

"So uh... What Mein Kampf did you eat?"

"Huh? I got that from some place called the Library! They said I could come any time to read their books! But in my opinion it tastes better cooked..."

Actions

>Hug her. Thank God she didn't burn YOUR copy of Mein Kampf.
>Your grounded until I say you aren't. Got it?
>Just pat her on the head. And rock back and forth a little.
>...Can we just leave this place? I just... Please.
>Never enter my dungeon ever again.
>Where's your mom?
>I can't fucking wait until your a week older...
>Where's your friends?
>...Have you ever gone on Halloween?
>Oh shit... Where are those futuristic text books? You know, from the future! Try to find them!
>Write-In

>>805125
>zMy books are not for eating!
>Oh shit... Where are those futuristic text books? You know, from the future! Try to find them!
Those books were gonna revolutionize us damnit.

>>805125
>Oh shit... Where are those futuristic text books? You know, from the future! Try to find them!

wtf is Renexizia such a juvenile brat?

>>805155
She destroyed Liz's palace.
Ate the Eiffel Tower.
And contemplated consumption of the Louvre
Is less being a juvenile brat.
She's just property damage incarnate
She'll probably outdo us eventually

>>805165
But why? Was she dropped as an egg or something?

"My books aren't for eating... You could of eaten something important!" You yell, frantically.. She seems to ignore you and hug you.

"I'm sorry... I didn't think they were important."

"Seriously! Eat the library's books or something, but not MY books!"

She looks upset.

"I'm sorry..."

"What happened to my textbooks? The future ones?"

"I mean, they looked important... So I was going to ask you if I could give it to Blondi..."

"They're ok?"

"Erh... I mean, they're kinda burned. I realized I should of asked about half way done roasting the pages..."

You sigh, frustrated. At least it wasn't COMPLETELY destroyed.

Actions

>I'm sorry for raising my voice, I'm just... I'm just slightly traumatized.
>Stay away from Mein Kampf, got it? It's valuable!
>Hug her, she didn't exactly DESTROY them... Just damaged them.
>...How did you even get down here anyways? The door's locked!
>I'm getting alcohol.
>Your grounded.
>...Well... I mean, do you want to come with us on Halloween?
>...What happened to my magic books?
>Write-In

>>805193
>...How did you even get down here anyways? The door's locked!
>...What happened to my magic books?

She's probably got autism

>>805187
She's basically a more childish version of Ren with less self restraint and no superiority complex.
>>805193
>...What happened to my magic books?
>Can you just go to the kitchen when your hungry? Or ask before you start eating things randomly?
>...Well... I mean, do you want to come with us on Halloween?

I'm worried about what a teenage Renexizia will be like

"What happened to my magic books?"

"I gave them to the guy!"

"The guy?'

"Yeah, that guy who can't talk in the other room, with the really fast punches and greasy skin! Oh, and the scales!"

Holy fuck we're never getting those books back ever again. She gave them to the toxic mantis-shrimp guy!

You facepalm slightly...

"How did you even get down here?"

"Mom left the door open!"

"I see... And can you just go to teh kitchen when your hungry? Or ask before you randomly start eating things?"

"But then it's no fun..."

"Please?"

"No, it's way more fun to eat random things even if It might get me in trouble!"

You sigh a little bit...
"Well... Just to prevent further damage, do you want to come with us on Halloween?"

"...What's that?"

Actions

>It's a uh... Holiday. We get free candy for talking to strangers and stuff.
>...It's something fun and cool. And hopefully doesn't result in property damage
>It has lots of tasty food... Are you still hungry?
>Write-In

>>805238
Goodbye magic books.
>Renexizia if you keep eating random things you might get hurt. And I'm seriously thinking about grounding you. You can't eat another family members stuff. It's mean.

>It's a uh... Holiday. We get free candy for talking to strangers and stuff. But if you keep randomly eating my stuff I'll ground you instead of taking you

>>805238
>...It's something fun and cool. And hopefully doesn't result in property damage

I dont trust her. Theres no way that Liz would've been careless enough to leave the door open. This can only mean one thing. She's a heretic of Khorne who is trying to undermine us! He's tainted her and his persona is all just a charade so that he can take over our world. She must repent!

RIP magic books
we hardly knew ye

"Well.. It's... It's something to avoid property damage. Now come on... Before I ground you or something. Just stop eating random stuff..."

You of course begin to leave and try to find Charlemagne... Who you find sleeping in his old room, old nazi posters, the SS uniform he sometimes dresses his wife up in... Some books here and there... Oh, also the small collection of firearms and weapons from Germany WW2, a few nazi Germany flags... And of course, a large board with lots of notes, photos, and lines on it detailing his latest conspriacy theory. And the token Catholic cross above his bed of course.

"Dad, who's this?"

"This is... Charlemagne." You say, as you watch him grope his wife from the doorway.

"What's he doing?"

"He's sleeping. And hugging his wife."

"She has a funny tail."

"Yeah, although attractive... Anyways, why don't we wake him up?"

"Oooh! This will be fun!"

She seems eager to rush ahead...

Actions

>Nah... Let's give him some time.
>No, no rushing into his bed and jumping in. That'll scare both of them.
>...Come on, let's slowly squeeze in with them. How weird can this be?
>We can just knock on the doorframe though...
>Don't touch anything. Please.
>Write-in

>>805310
>Nah... Let's leave him be.
It's his personal time with his waifu.
We should respect that.

>>805310
>Nah... Let's give him some time.
>No, no rushing into his bed and jumping in. That'll scare both of them.


I do think that she is a agent of chaos or I'm just too paranoid

"Nah, let's just give him some time..."

The two of you leave... And after a little while, you hear... Banging. It seems like they're tumbling in there. Huh.

You quickly leave and dodge Renexizia's questions and try to find Basil... So you get on the Jesuscycle and zoom off to find him...

After a little while you pull up to the curb of his dorm and get out... You do sort of notice it's abandoned... There's no cars out in the curb but yours, and the greasers are gone...

"it's kinda spooky."

"Well, it is Halloween."

"...When can I drive a motorcycle? It's cool."

Actions

>No. No. No. No. You are NOT getting something that moves that fast.
>...Would you like one with a few skulls and blood? I mean, that would look cool...
>Let's just answer the door.
>Sure... When you turn two weeks old.
>Sure... When your sixteen.
>If you want, you can drive my motorcycle when we leave!
>Write-in

>>805360
>Sure... When you turn two weeks old.
And only if we supervise her.

>>805360
>Sure... When you turn two weeks old.
Calling it now. She's gonna smash our motorcycle.

"Sure, when you turn two weeks old."

"Cool!"

You pat her on the head and go up to the door... And knock. After a little while, one of the greasers answers.

"Hey, wazzup?"

You hear halloween music... It seems this is a party.

"Where's Basil?"

"He's downstairs."

"Thank you..."

You begin going through the crowd of people, trying to keep your daughter close... It seems the walls are soundproofed too. Huh.

Roll me a 1d20+3 to see if she gets curious by things. Additional +2 if you can distract her!

Rolled 9 + 3 (1d20 + 3)

>>805409

Rolled 2 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>805409
Maybe we can carry her on our shoulders?

9+5=14

Borderline Success!

You pick her up and head down the stairs, and flick on the light... You see him sleeping alone, making grunts in his sleep...

"Basil?"

He turns over, putting a blanket over his head.

"Come on... Just one more tumble..." He moans to no one in particular.

"...Right. Horny teen. Basil, get up."

He groans a little bit in protest.

"Please?"

"Just five more minutes..."

You wait five minutes.

"Now? Please?"

He gets up and rubs his eyes...

"Dad... Why are... Why were you watching me sleep?"

"Not imp-"

"Hi!" Renexizia yells. Basil blinks slowly and looks down at her... You see Basil put his hand on the floor, take out a meterstick taped to another meterstick, and try to poke the coffee pot ON button from across the room.

"...Give me an hour..."

"Do you always wake up this slow?"

"...Yes." He says, as he puts a blanket over himself.

"Nice to see you are not a morning person. It's fucking two PM, and here you are just making coffee and having dreams of tumbling."

"Yeah..."

"...I know your pain."

You feel a deep connection. You are NOT a morning person either.

"Dad?" Renexizia says.

"Yeah?"

"What's coffee?"

Actions

>...If you want, I can get you a cup.
>Highly poisonous. Stay away.
>No. You are not drinking coffee right now.
>Have you never had coffee before? It's the only reason the Empire really still stands.
>Shush... He's trying to get some sleep.
>Write-in

>>805479
>It's a grown up drink. It tastes very bitter and unpleasant.

>>805479
>If you want I could probably get you a cup

>what_could_possibly_go_wrong.jpg

File: 1458093346614.jpg (36 KB, 552x527)

36 KB JPG

>>805510
Here's a small math question.

What's 9/11*9/11^2+6 Gorillion?
The answer may surprise you!

Waiting ten more minutes anons.

"Well, it's a grown up drink. It tastes very bitter and unpleasant... But if you want, I can get you a cup."

"Sure! Can you add things to it?"

"Yeah, like sugar..."

After a little while, you hand her a cup of coffee...

Roll me a 1d20+8 for how bad this is ending. Higher rolls are bad rolls.

Rolled 12 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>805556
>High rolls are bad
This is where we get 20s
Dice gods pls give me a one.

Rolled 5 + 8 (1d20 + 8)

>>805556

12+8=20

Great Success?

She drinks the coffee.. And she instantly gets more energy.

She rushes up to you.

"We're gonna be best best best friends for forever and forever!!!! I'm gonna find more and more friends and I'm gonna hang with them and I'm gonna paint thie-"

She begins to go a little crazy, running around the room with high energy... Dear God. Basil seems to be slowly getting up from the racket though.

"What's with the kid running around in here?"

"Renexizia, calm down!"

"NEVER!"

She yells while poking things off tables in her half-dragon form.

"Wait... Is she breaking my plates?"

"Yes?"

"Eh... I can get new ones..."

He says, as he goes over to his minifridge and pulls out a beer.

"Want one?"

"Sure."

He passes you a beer and the two of your drink.

"...Why are you here?"

"Well, mind if I ask why your relaxing?"

"I called in sick..."

"Is that true?"

"No, I just needed sleep... Been studying too much."

"Right..."

"Anyways, I was planning on hitting the bar later."

"Really? Weren't you supposed to be really into economics? Why go to a bar?"

"I mean, economics is fun and all, but beer and women sounds better."

"Finally entered puberty?"

"...I guess." He says as he sips from a beer."

"Well, good for you. Took you a while."

"Yeah... Anyways, how much money do you guess I'd have to spend on getting a girl to at least come over for a hour or two?"

"Eh, depends on the girl."

"Damn... Wish you had the answers." He says again, drinking the beer.

"Yeah... I erh... I've never been good at that puberty thing and explaining it."

"Yeah... Anyways, I got to get dressed... I've been working a little too much in my tanktop."

He begins to get dressed as he drinks some coffee straight and you try to calm down Renexizia... After a bit he comes back out in much better attire, looking like a semi-wealthy business man with a nice coat and shirt.

"So... What are you over for today?" He says as he sips some coffee.

Actions

>It's Halloween. I was wondering if you wanted to come with me, Julius, and Charlemagne... And Renexizia.
>...So, interested in girls now are you?
>Well, this bar sounds kind of interesting... You trying to get tumbled or something?
>Can you help me control Renexizia? I pretty much gave up...
>Write-In

>>805664
>Can you help me control Renexizia? I pretty much gave up...

We could be doing stuff like sending Dutchmen into space or regaining our height but nooooooo. We're trying to gather our family for a Pagan ritual and trying to control our overly energetic daughter.

>>805664
>It's Halloween and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me, Julius and Renexizia.
>>805684
We did promise the pagan ritual to Julius

"Well... It's Halloween and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me, Julius, and Renexizia."

He blinks his eyes slowly.

"Wait... I thought... Great."

"Overslept?"

"Yeah... I was planning to go to a bar, but I guess I can come."

"Great."

He sips his coffee again.

"So, mind if I ask why your going?"

Actions

>Eh... There might be attractive women giving out candy. Why not go?
>It might be fun.
>Come on, hug him. This will be fun!
>Come on... Let's get costumes.
>...I promised Julius I'd come with him.
>Hey, if you want I bet I can help you get some girls.
>Write-In

Anyways, going to bed anons. Sorry.

>>805734
>...I promised Julius I'd come with him.
No problem
Night OP

>>805695
I'm just frustrated at how much time we waste doing stuff like this little Halloween thing. We've spent like 3 hours of doing a whole lot of nothing. We've just talked to family members about meaningless stuff and found out that Renexizia lost all of our magic books. It's just so unproductive.

>>805734
>It might be fun.

>>805745
I feel that pain.
When we finish this Halloween shit let's get straight into science.
Before Renexizia finishes of our future books.

>>805761
But you were the one who voted for doing stuff with Julius which lead us down this path...

Also here's an idea for the future. We need to start collecting Nazi scientists to help with our space technology. Since Viktor is the president of the US and a lot of Nazi scientist went there, he might be useful.

>>805784
I did that because we talked with flames about the near nonexistent amount of time we spend with our family.

And don't we have a spy in America?
I just realized we need more spies.

Okay, I don't really enjoy ranting and raving at anons, since I know we all have our reasons for our actions but this time I am confused as to what happened while I was away; We agree to be good, to not enslave, murder or destroy and yet when we are given a choice between no loss and a huge fucking fuck up that nullifies all our progress, what do you guys choose?

Fucking up everything!

I mean Jesus even if she wasn't there to see she would have eventually found out that this happened.


Also we need to punish Renexizia and get started on the space program, internet and shit.

>>806436
When did we promise not to enslave, murder and all that other stuff?

Also I'm against the creation of the Internet. It'll lead to rampant autism.

>>806460
We promised like 2 threads ago, though I might be wrong as to precisely when. To the point of actually doing... good acts.


As to the internet, trust me it won't lead to that for at least a decade. Not to mention the alternative is we let the Americans invent it.

Hey anons, I'm back.

"Well... I promised Julius I'd come with him, and besides... Maybe it'll be fun." You say, rather unenthusiastic.

"If you don't want to go I could probably cover for you."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah. I'll just say that you had to go do something last minute."

"...Do you want anything in exchange?"

"Well, for a small payment of 2000 Swedish Marks, I'd be more then happy."

"You want me to pay you for your help?"

"Well, yes. That's how the market works... But don't worry, I gave you a 45% discount since I'm related to you."

"I see..."

"Besides, this is a limited time offer, and I don't think you want to be with Julius while he awkwardly asks for candy while you have important things to do..."

"That's... Well..."

"Think it over... It'll take you a few hours to go with him, trick or treating... And then you'd have to deal with your daughter's destruction... Which could take even longer... But right here and right now, you could avoid all that." He talks rather persuasively...

"Well, I promised him..."

"He'll understand if you have to do something last minute. Trust me."

Actions

>...I already barely spend any time with him. I'm not going to pay you just so I can do something else.
>...Well... I mean... I guess. But keep it between you and me, alright?
>You know you could just ask me for the money...
>Gladly.
>How much will it cost for you to take care of Renexizia for me?
>Write-in

>>806677
>...I already barely spend any time with him. I'm not going to pay you just so I can do something else.
>You know you could just ask me for the money...
>How much will it cost for you to take care of Renexizia for me?

Waiting 25 more minutes.

>>806677
>You know you could just ask me for the money...
>How much will it cost for you to take care of Renexizia for me?

"I already barely spend any time with him. I'm not going to pay you just so I can do something else... And besides, you can just ask me for money."

"Dad, I don't just ask people for money. That means I'm indebted to someone, and that could come back to bite me in the ass down the line."

"Right... So, how much will it cost for you to take care of Renexizia for me?"

"Erh... Well, I guess five-hundred dollars?"

"Deal."

You hand him the cash.

"Thanks... You know, I don't even remember the last time you actually wanted to do anything with your family besides with your wives."

"Well... I'm busy a lot."

"Yeah... How the hell do you get that many women anyways? Most women I ask out say they aren't "scalies" or "not interested."

"Well... You want a woman?"

"As many as I can have, sure."

Actions

>Good on you then... So many of your brothers are monogamists...
>Erh, take my advice... Don't get married. It cuts into you time.
>If you want, I could give you advice.
>Do what Revenaris did, give them stockholm syndrome.
>Give him some advice on how to get women?
>Come on, don't get into that attitude. Most people can handle just one wife...
>Come on, let's just find Charlemagne...
>Have you tried asking out half-dragons?
>Why don't we talk a little bit?
>Write-in

>>806724
>Give him some advice on how to get women?
I was going to do a write-in, but fuck iOS10.

"Well... Let me tell you some advice then..."

Roll me a 1d20+4 for advice giving... Additional +3 if you can write-in draconic dating advice.

Rolled 2 + 7 (1d20 + 7)

>>806836
Kidnapping is always and I mean always a viable option.

Rolled 20 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>806836

>>806846
He's going to black so many people.

Critical Success.

"Well, in my professional opinion, kidnapping is always a option. Always."

"Really? Hm..."

He gets out a notepad. Something (As in Flames) tells you to be slightly concerned that your telling a horny teen that it's completely alright to kidnap people for tumbling.

Actions

>This is a terrible idea. Just go silent.
>Just saying that ladies tend not to like getting kidnapped.
>But also just saying, that kidnapping and tumbling people isn't as good as actually winning a woman's charm.
>Pro-Tip: Get a vampire. They're masochists at heart, Basil.
>Give him another Pro-Tip: Always tumble in your dragon form. Always. Ladies love it.
>Make up another Pro Tip?
>Give him more advice!
>Erh... Just saying try OTHER options first.
>Your turning your son into a sauve ladykidnapper. Who cares?
>Write-in

>>806876
>Write-In
There's a sacred trinity when it comes to being a dragon and having sexual relationships.
1) Kidnapping is always a viable option unless if the target is a VIP.
2) You should always be charming. Enough to woo the hearts of princes and princesses.
3) Tumble often

Also don't be gay.

>>806876
>Just saying that ladies tend not to like getting kidnapped. It's a fast way to get them, but you need to prove yourself to them to win them over.

>>806876
>Make up another Pro Tip?

Women like men who are skilled and respected; artists, musicians, chefs, athletes and such.

But girls like men who are wild, interesting and different; jocks, Casanovas and the other such stereotypical ideals of courting.

Most importantly though; almost all people, men or women, elves or dwarfs or orcs, like powerful people. Power is something most find intoxicating and thus being with you will grant them some, in theory, and thus they want you.

Lastly, people, generally and almost always will love those who care, and who show it. This doesn't apply to most short term relationships but still.


Lastly, gifts that are hand made, personal and high quality or rare are an effective way of courting or getting favour.

>>806933
This too.

"Well, there's a sacred trinity when it comes to being a dragon and having sexual relationships... First of all, kidnapping is always a viable options, unless it's a very important person... And you should always be charming. Enough to woo the hearts of princesses... Tumble often... And don't be gay. Please."

"I'm not gay."

"Good. That's a very good start... Now, just saying that ladies tend not to like being kidnapped, it's a fast way to get them but you'll need to prove yourself... And here's a professional tip...
Women like men who are skilled and respected; artists, musicians, chefs, athletes and such.
But girls like men who are wild, interesting and different; jocks, Casanovas and the other such stereotypical ideals of courting.
Most importantly though; almost all people, men or women, elves or dwarfs or orcs, like powerful people. Power is something most find intoxicating and thus being with you will grant them some, in theory, and thus they want you.
Lastly, people, generally and almost always will love those who care, and who show it. This doesn't apply to most short term relationships but still.
Lastly, gifts that are hand made, personal and high quality or rare are an effective way of courting or getting favour."

He writes this down quickly.

"Anything else?"

"Well, that should cover it."

"Right, well... I'll put it to good use then."

"Yeah, good luck then."

"...Quick question, what exactly counts as hand-made?"

"Well... Things made by hand, that sort of thing."

"Does it matter if it's made by me or not?"

"Well, you could always lie..."

For the next thirty minutes you begin teaching your son some hot tricks and tips, and after a bit... Well, he has a large knowledge of how courting works.

"Thanks... I'll make good use of this in the future."

Actions

>Good. Just don't go full deviant.
>...First, you have a glaring problem. You live in a fucking basement. In a dorm. And you have a roommate... Get a proper lair, let me tell you...
>You know, this was fun... Anything else you want to learn?
>Now, if only Julius was interested in actually tumbling.
>So... If your asking me this, you must have someone you like. Mind if I ask who?
>I expect a lot of children. Just saying.
>...Mind if I ask what your plans are in the future?
>Write-in

>>806979
>Good. Just don't go full deviant.
>...Mind if I ask what your plans are in the future?

We should probably tell him about Slaanesh. We don't want his soul to be claimed by that weirdo.

>>806979
>...First, you have a glaring problem. You live in a fucking basement. In a dorm. And you have a roommate... Get a proper lair, let me tell you...
>Write-in
"If you want you could help me with a project or two in future and in return I'll see about getting you a proper lair; secure, isolated, great view..."

>>806985
Oh shit yeah, mention that. Make sure if he is going to worship some daemonic being that it is khorne.

>>806994
Let's not pull a Emperor of mankind and tell Basil and some of our other children about chaos so they don't fell to it. Although I'm already afraid for Renexizia considering she got a vial from Tzeentch and threw it into a lizardmen hatchery.

"Good. Just don't go full deviant."

"Of course not, I just asked for advice, not that I have any plans to try and do anything strange like you."

"...Erh..."

"But anyways..."

"Just saying, you have a glaring problem. You live in a fucking basement. In a dorm. And you have a roommate... And my advice is that you get a proper lair."

"Unless it overlooks college grounds, that might be a slight problem."

"Ah, right... Well, if you want you could help me with a project or two in the future, and in return I'll see about getting you a proper lair; secure, isolated, great view..."

"I don't really need a lair right now. I have too little money and slaves..."

"You have slaves?"

"Well, not yet."

"Hm... By the way, have you heard about any deity called Slaanesh?"

"...Erh... I think."

"Wait, really? How?"

"...I sell tabletop figurines as a part time job at the gamestore."

"Oh..."

"Yeah, halloween apparently draws out the people who enjoy dressing like some of the people from the Warhammer Fantasy universe, you know the guys... Wearing Chaos marks."

"Huh."

"Anyways... Isn't he supposed to be the god of lust or something?"

"Well... Yes."

"I'm not that sexual, God. Now... If there was a god of commerce, you have my attention. But anyways... What did you want help with in the future?"

Actions

>I don't know yet, honestly.
>Wait a minute... People dressing up like people from the Warhammer universe?
>Come on, let's get going.
>Any interest in science?
>You know, we should hang out more often.
>So... Why don't we talk about why dragons need lairs?
>I'm not saying YOU will... I'm just saying that so you'll be careful.
>...Are you sure you aren't Jewish?
>Write-in

>>807018
>Come on, let's get going.

"Come on, let's just get going, ok?"

"Got it."

The two of you then realize that Renexizia has... Well, while you were giving advice, left for upstairs.

Roll me a 1d20+6 for what's the worst that could happen for an extremely hyper child.

Rolled 3 + 6 (1d20 + 6)

>>807054

Is low good or bad right now?

3+6=9

She seems to be very excited, and goes up to random strangers to talk... You grab her, and pull her away and she practically cannot remain still.

Great.

So of course you drive back carefully, and head to Charlemagne's room... Where you still hear him sleeping with his wife.

He must be tired as fuck if he's been spending the last three hours both sleeping and tumbling... So you knock on the door, and hear him sigh... And the door opens to a... Huh. A larger Charlemagne. He's grown...

Or you've just gotten shorter.
Or both.
Or it could just be the fact he's in his half-dragon form while your in your human form.

"Hey... Charlemagne?"

He yawns.

"Yeah?"

"Can you go to your human form?"

"Sure..." He shrinks down to his human form, and you do note he's... Well, slightly taller then you now... He also sports a thick full beard and has a few scars on his face...

[red}"You uh... Look different."

"Huh?" He scratches his beard.

"Yeah... You had a goatee before... You look different."

"Trying to rule your realm is hard enough sober, let alone with a wife... But... What did you want?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to come with me for Halloween."

"No. It's a pagan heresy. Also, I'm really fucking tired."

Actions

>Seriously? Come on, it'll be fun...
>There's candy.
>Did you meet my new overhyper daughter yet?
>I don't blame you.
>Alright... We're going now. See you.
>How stressful was ruling the empire?
>How was your brother Julius? Did he help you much?
>How did VIktor teach you?
>...I was going to try and teach you how government worked, but I sort of forgot. Sorry.
>...Are you sure you still want to be heir? You sort of made shit a lot harder for me since I came back...
>God, you and your catholic values...
>...I have a hypothetical question... If I died, how would you rule my empire?
>Make any new friends?
>Write-In

>>807117
>I don't blame you.

Can we just ditch this whole Halloween thing. We should be in the lab attempting to regain our height, starting new religions or something productive.

>>807234
I was going to mention that we still need to figure out space travel, the internet, crystal power, computers and all that shit but wanted to leave it until after halloween. Thus I'll just ask you to delay that for a few hours. I mean, how long can people be awake giving out canday for?

"I don't blame you..."

"Yeah... So, go on without me I guess... Anyways, anything else you want help with when I wake up?"

Actions

>...Well, I might need a lot of help doing science... Are you good at all at it?
>Well, maybe when I'm done doing a lot more things later.
>...Can you rescue me somehow? I really don't want to do this Halloween thing...
>Why don't we talk later?
>Come on, come with us. It might be fun. Or interesting...
>...Quick question, how does one get a Yuan Ti as a wife? I'm asking for a friend.
>Write-in

>>807251
>...Well, I might need a lot of help doing science... Are you good at all at it?

>>807254
This.

>>807251
>...Well, I might need a lot of help doing science... Are you good at all at it?

>>807241
I agree with all of this except the Internet. I just think that it's a gateway to untold amounts of autism and it doesn't serve a lot of purpose to us.

"Well, I might need some help doing a lot of science... Are you good at it?"

"Erh, no. I'm... Not at all. Why?'

"Damn... I have a lot of things to research."

"Well, good luck then..."

He yawns.

"If you want to talk to me, just ask... I'm going to sleep now."

"Yeah.'

"...So, just a question... You didn't come back with another wife, did you?"

"What? No."

"Shit, I lost the bet..."

"You made a bet if I got a new wife?"

"Well, yes. You nearly always get another damned women besides mom."

"Don't like it?"

"No, not at all..."

Actions

>Well... Chrysoula's sort of my new wife. I've just entered tumbling relations with her...
>Oh don't worry, I won't disappoint you any time soon. I'll have a new wife soon enough, hell you might even win a bet.
>...I'm sorry I can't really contain myself with only your mom.
>Pat him on the head?
>Yeah, well see you around...
>I don't know why YOU don't get a second or third wife. It adds a lot to life you know.
>Listen, if you want to hang out soon, just ask... I know the fact that I have more wives upsets you, ok?
>Listen, I may... Just may, go back to being semi-monogamist... May.
>When I get back, you and I are talking about religion... Because I think you might be interested in talking about it.
>Come on, don't knock it until you try it.
>Write-In

>>807296
>Listen, I may... Just may, go back to being semi-monogamist... May.
>Yeah, well see you around...

If we do find another wai- I mean wife, it'll probably be for Solaire. Maybe something unique and pure like a nymph.

>>807296
>Pat him on the head?
>Listen, if you want to hang out soon, just ask... I know the fact that I have more wives upsets you, ok?
>>807316
Ha! If we are getting him a waifu it is going to be a kobold; the image of a dragon knight saving a kobold "princess" from a bunch of humans if quite funny!

You pat him on the head.

"You know, I may just go back to being at least SEMI monogamistic... Maybe."

"R-really?" He actually seems... Very surprised.

You just pat him on the head.

"But, if you want to hang out soon, jut ask. I know the fact I have more wives then you upsets you."

"Seriously? Your actually considering that?"

Actions

>Well... Just for you, I guess.
>Just pat him on the head. Let him believe that your considering it at the least.
>No, sorry.
>Well, semi-mongomastic in that every wife has it's corresponding head...
>Get going before you make promises you can't keep!
>I'm considering it, I promise.
>Just give me a call soon, ok?
>One day you'll grow up and get over this childish motion of "monogamy."
>Well, I was thinking about adding another adorable wife...
>Write-In

>>807329
>Well, semi-mongomastic in that every wife has it's corresponding head...

Jokingly say that we can therefore currently have four wives, before vigorously waggling our eyebrows.

>I'm considering it, I promise.
>Just give me a call soon, ok?
>Get going before you make promises you can't keep!

>>807329
>Just give me a call soon, ok?

What ever happened to Victoria? If she's absent then I might have an idea on what she can do. Colonizing the moon. All our other kids are busy doing something else I think.

"Well... Semi-mongomastic in the fact that every head has it's own wife... Which means I can have four wives..." You waggle your eyebrow vigoriously.

"But, don't worry, I'm considering it... I promise, ok? Just give me a call soon... And I got to go."

"Erh, thanks for at least considering it."

"No problem."

You leave and begin to do that halloween thing with Julius.

Roll me a 1d20+4 for how well this goes with a overhyper kid, a vampire lord, and a jude- I mean, your economic child.

Rolled 3 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>807363
I still think that Halloween is a unfun waste of time. Just buy the candy for super cheap.

Rolled 10 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>807363
>>807369
Halloween is a good event, assuming you enjoy dressing up, scary movies and such.

Rolled 10 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>807363

>>807373
Sounds pretty gay tbqh

10+4=14

It goes...

It's interesting.

Julius gets mad and in a argument with someone about the merits of "aerodynamic robes" and how he looks like an edgy teen. This results in you having to pull away Julius from drinking the guy's blood as he says vampires are "shitty teen flics" and "are magical realm faggots".

Renexizia acts... Well, better in a sense. She tips over a few mailboxes, and does not realize that you are supposed to take only one candy, resulting in her obliviously taking baskets of candy. Basil helps her in this, and later the two of them sell the candy for triple the cost to a house who has run out of candy. Julius just kind of wants to talk to you during most of this, rather then actually go for candy, but Renexizia seems to have lots of fun just stealing baskets of candy and selling them back with Basil's help.

Of course, you have to tell Julius to not "make fun of the people who dress up as vampires" as he seems a little insulted by some portrayals of vampires, and you decide to spend time hitting on women in costumes. Eventually, you and your family head home, having gotten two token candy bars and having five-hundred dollars from stolen candy.

"Well, that was..."

"Kind of boring?" Julius says.

"Yeah, I guess... I was expecting more honestly."

"Well, at least you didn't have people dress up like you and try to impersonate vampires..."

"Well, there was this one girl..."

"It was fun!" Renexizia says, While Basil looks at his money greedily.

"Economically speaking, it was decent."

You and your family part ways... Julius comes with you though.

"Hey, uh... Thanks for hanging out with me. It was fun. Even if it was boring."

"Yeah, no problem... Also, what's your problem with people dressing up with vampires?"

"Because they're either try-hards or retarded teenagers..."

Actions

>Come on, look on the brightside... At least they didn't think you sparkle or anything. That would... That would be gay as fuck.
>Oh don't worry, one day they'll get it right.
>Want to help me do science?
>...You should see the movies. They're better.
>You know how most families come home with candy instead of dollars? Yeah.
>Let's never celebrate Halloween again. It's just an American consumerist holiday.
>Sooo... When was the last time you drank blood?
>Write-In

>>807414
>Want to help me do science?
>Let's never celebrate Halloween again. It's just an American consumerist holiday.

>>807414
>Oh don't worry, one day they'll get it right.
>Sooo... When was the last time you drank blood?
>Want to help me do science?

"Well, yeah. Want to help me do science?"

"Sure, sounds like fun."

"Yeah... But don't worry about the vampire try-hards. They'll get it right one day... Say, when was the last time you drank blood?"

"A month ago?"

Just pointing out that unless you want to become a vampire, we're already pretty low on blood... Most of it was drained by our wife last night... And if another vampire drinks from our blood, we might just contract it or be medically unable to actually do anything for a while.

Actions

>...Yep, you need blood. Come on, bite onto my neck... Who cares if you might become slightly disabled for a while or a vampire if he drains it all?
>...Well, can you wait a few days?
>When in doubt... Slaves.
>You know, why don't you ask your mom for blood?
>...Just saying, you really should take Frankizka's advice NOT to drain completely... It's a lot better for PR.
>Write-In

>>807454
>You know, why don't you ask your mom for blood?
>...Just saying, you really should take Frankizka's advice NOT to drain completely... It's a lot better for PR.

File: IMG_1420.jpg (80 KB, 320x240)

80 KB JPG

>>807454
>When in doubt... Slaves.

Some of them may die but it is for a great cause.

"You know, why don't you ask your mom for blood? And just saying, you should follow Frankizka's advice to not drain completely... It's a lot better for PR."

"It's hard to control myself, ok?"

"I know, I know. I'll meet you down in the laboratory, alright?"

"Got it."

You make your way down into the laboratory to do SCIENCE with your son...

You have about six surviving human Anti-Fascists being used as test subjects, and ten Minotaur felons being used as test subjects...

What will you do?

>Research into mutagens!
>Research into more drugs!
>...You are extremely curious... Try out the effects of Muslek on one of your test subjects!
>...Test out weaponry?
>...You have an idea... Space. The final frontier... Try to make a space shuttle?
>Try to read the damaged books?
>...You need to get your spellbooks back from the mantis shrimp half-dragon. Now.
>Try to make basic survival equipment for colonization on the moon?
>You need more test subjects, and soon.
>...You should get Lorriana to help.
>Try to figure out how to use that enviromental mutagen crystal for power... Oh, and name it.
>Come up with enviromental mutagens?
>Try to figure out computers?
>Try to figure out the internet?
>You need more loyalty from your slaves... You have a few ideas.
>You need to come up with something in case you run out of meat or butter in the future... Hm...
>You have laser weaponry, but you don't have any actual laser guns... Try making a new gun for lasers!
>...Eh, Flames did say that more mutagen on Chrysoula would be nice. Put that on your list.
>You sort of want to mutate Frankizka and see what would happen...
>Maybe you should get Julius to infect one of your prisoners with vampirism... Just so you have a undead test subject.
>You need to be bigger... Come up with ideas...
>Let out the Anti-Fascist humans... They've been in here for two years, probably seen horrors beyond compare...
>Write-In

>>807501
>You have laser weaponry, but you don't have any actual laser guns... Try making a new gun for lasers!

We need them in case of any ayy lmao's we find in the moonl

>>807501
>Research into mutagens!
Fix our legs.
And stop taking risky mutations.

Waiting ten more minutes!

>>807552
Just saying that there's no ways to directly fix this mutation without getting a mutation naturally to counteract it... Unless you want to think of something that will make your legs look bigger or you to look bigger, and it will still have the "strange and slightly shortening" effect on you.

>>807650
I think that our legs are of little concern. As long as they don't completely cripple us and make us look freakish, it's fine.

>>807655
If anything they just make you more adorable.

Rolling.

1=Research into Mutagens!
2=Lasers!/

Also, going off for a while, watching Flordia election.